Business Communication Assignment

With the advent of internet marketing and e-commerce, the sales letter has become
one of the most widely used sales communication tools online. In many niches and
industries, it has replaced face to face conversations and has automated the sales
process.

A sales letter is a document designed to generate sales. It is used to persuade the

reader to request additional information about the product, place an order, and ask
for a demonstration from the Sales Executive. It influences the reader to take a
specific action by making an offer, not an announcement, to him. To sell, the sales
letter must be specific, go to the right audience, appeal to the readers needs, and it
must be informative. As a result, it is very important to write an effective sales
letter.

However, not any sales letter is alike. The factors of every sales letter, such as
tone, language, structure, and so on, are maybe different. They are conditional
upon the style of each writer. But, as a whole, we can realize the clear differences
between Vietnamese sales letters and English ones through two following typical
samples.

The first sample is a Vietnamese sales letter:

THƯ NGỎ
Ngày14/10/2010
Kính gửi: QUÝ CÔNG TY
Lời đầu tiên xin gởi tới tất cả quý công ty lời chúc sức khoẻ và thành công!
CTY TNHH THIẾT BỊ CÔNG NGHIỆP NHỊP CẦU VIỆT được thành lập với mục
đích nằm đáp ứng một phần nhu cầu trang thiết bị, máy móc dụng cụ … cho các
công ty, xí nghiệp của tỉnh Đồng Nai.
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Công ty chúng tôi chuyên cung cấp những thiết bị của các thương hiệu nổi
tiếng sau:
* Makita –Nhật Bản : Dụng cụ điện cầm tay: Máy mài, máy khoan, máy chà
nhám….
* Kawasaki – Nhật Bản: Dụng cụ cầm tay sử dụng hơi: Súng mở Buloong, súng
vặn vít, máy mài, máy khoan, súng rút Ri vê, súng gõ rỉ….
* Euroboor – Hà Lan : Máy khoan từ, máy vát mép…
* Airblast – Hà Lan : Thiết bị phun sơn, phun cát….
* Masada – Nhật Bản : Đội thuỷ lực, thiết bị nâng hạ….
* Elcometer – Anh Quốc: Thiết bị đo kiểm trong lĩnh vực ngành sơn: máy đo độ
dày sơn, thiết bị kiểm tra độ bám dính sơn, thiết bị kiểm tra khuyết tật màng sơn….
* Maglite – Mỹ : Đèn pin siêu bền và được bảo hành 10 năm.
* Anest Iwata –Nhật bản: Súng sơn W71, W101, máy bơm màng….
* Các lại mũi khoan,Taro, dao phay… dùng trong nghành cơ khí của các hãng sản
xuất: Nachi.
* Thiết bị đo kiểm chính xác: Mitutoyo.
Và nhiều thiết bị dụng cụ khác….
Là một công ty của tỉnh Đồng Nai và với đội ngũ nhân viên chuyên nhiệp, chúng
tôi cam kết sẽ mang tới Quý Công Ty trong địa bàn của tỉnh những sản
phẩm và dịch vụ tốt nhất trong thời gian nhanh nhất với giá cả cạnh tranh
nhất!
Rất mong nhận được sự ủng hộ thật nhiều từ Quý Công Ty!!!
Mọi thông tin chi tiết Quý Khách vui lòng liên hệ: Mai Minh Phương – Nhân
viên phòng Kinh Doanh
Điện thoại: 0902 305 486
Email: minhphuongi.nhipcauviet@gmail.com
Website: Http//www.sieuthithietbidongnai.com.vn

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Nhịp Cầu Việt mang đến cho bạn thêm sự lựa chọn mới.
Trân trọng kính chào!

The second sample is an English sales letter:

How to save 75% - 80% on office systems furniture

Dear John,
XYZ Office Interiors wants to help your business save up to 80% on office systems
furniture. We specialize in refurbished and pre-owned name-brand workstations
including Haworth, Herman Miller and Steelcase. Why pay full price for new
workstations when you can get beautiful professional-quality pre-owned and
refurbished systems furniture at up to 80% off?

As a full service dealer we have products and services to help you design, furnish
and install workstations, reception areas and conference rooms. We are networked
with wholesalers and distributors throughout the U.S. to offer you an extensive
range of products to meet all of your needs and at a price that is guaranteed to fit
your budget. And, we will personally deliver and install your office furniture for
you so your project is done correctly, on-time and on-budget.

For a free quote, please call us today at 1-800-000-0000 or visit us online at

www.geisheker.com. Our website has many pictures of the office furniture we have
in stock. Our website also shows our current specials. If you want an amazing
deal, check out our website.

We also buy used workstations and office furniture. If you have office furniture you
want to sell, we would love the opportunity to bid on it. We work with brokers and
dealers throughout the United States and Canada who will offer you top dollar for
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your used office furniture. For more information, please call us at (920) 471-1638.
Or, if you prefer, email me at peter@geisheker.com.
We look forward to hearing from you, John!
Warmest Wishes,
Peter Geisheker, CEO
The XYZ Office Interiors
Call: (920) 471-1638
Email: peter@geisheker.com
Website: www.geisheker.com

P.S. Through the month of December we are having a storewide liquidation sale
on ALL office furniture so we can make room for our 2007 inventory. This is your
opportunity to literally steal furniture from us. Call or email me today for a copy
of our most up-to-date inventory and price list.

To compare the differences between two sales letters above, our group use AIDA
model, a reminder of four stages of the sales process (Attention, Interest, Desire,
and Action).
1. Attention
In Vietnamese sales letters, instead of using a great headline, writers only
start simply in words: “THƯ NGỎ”. Obviously, this does not make a strong
impression on the readers in the first moment. However, in comparison with
English sales letters, Vietnamese ones always open upon the respectful
salutation in order to touch the right chord with the Vietnamese people who attach
importance to form and formal behavior. For example:
“Kính gửi: QUÝ CÔNG TY
Lời đầu tiên xin gởi tới tất cả quý công ty lời chúc sức khoẻ và thành công!”

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In a contrast way, in English sales letters, writers always use an impressive

headline which catches the reader’s eye and awakens his/her curiosity. The
headline is usually 3 - 30 words long. It grabs the reader's attention, and tells
him/her what the sales letter is about. For instance:
“How to save 75% - 80% on office systems furniture”
0r:
“How much more profit could your company make if I could show you a way to
increase the response rate to your current advertising by 10%...25%...or
more?”
It makes a promise regarding what the item the company is selling will do for
reader. This is a useful method to stimulate readers to explore the letter’s content
and seek proofs which show how company plans to fulfill the promise it made in
the headline.

2. Interest
From the first sample above, we realize that in general, the Vietnamese writers
usually tend to talk about the products or services that they want to offer to
the customers rather than focus on dealing with reader’s problems. In other
words, enterprises seem to take this opportunity to introduce themselves as much
as possible (such as their delivery reputation, quality control, etc). For example:
“Là một công ty của tỉnh Đồng Nai và với đội ngũ nhân viên chuyên nhiệp,

chúng tôi cam kết sẽ mang tới Quý Công Ty trong địa bàn của tỉnh những sản
phẩm và dịch vụ tốt nhất trong thời gian nhanh nhất với giá cả cạnh tranh
nhất!”
It means that these letters are concentrating on the wrong person - the writer
instead of the reader, whereas the principle of a sales letter is: “READER IS THE
CENTRE OF ATTENTION”.

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Obviously, Vietnamese companies are still on their traditional path of thinking that
product’s features, reasonable prices and something like that will help their
products gain the comparative advantages in comparison with other competitors.
This is the reason why they always want to list the diversified attributes of
products in details. Nevertheless, when human life is modern more and more
today, people decide to buy things not for rational reasons, just because of
satisfying their emotional needs. Therefore, if the companies just keep the old
ways, the readers may think that they are not being taken into consideration, as
well as their problems, wants and needs are not focused seriously. Gradually, this
leads to decrease the efficiency of the sales letter.

On the contrary, in English sales letters, writers often open the letter by
straightly identifying the reader’s problem and their product will be the most
suitable solution. Actually, they succeed for this emotional method. Every one
wants to be the centre of the world. Understanding this aspect will help the
company a lot in selling products and services. You can easily find some sentences
such as:
“XYZ Office Interiors wants to help your business save up to 80% on office
systems furniture. We specialize in refurbished and pre-owned name-brand
workstations including Haworth, Herman Miller and Steel case. Why pay full
price for new workstations when you can get beautiful Professional -quality
pre-owned and refurbished systems furniture at up to 80% off?”

There are several factors that ensure the success of a sales letter in this stage:
Firstly, as you directly mention readers’ problems, they will feel that they are in
the centre of attention. They will be more interested in exploring the products in
details.

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Secondly, people are thirsty for money, security and fame. The sales letter which
uses one kind of emotional trait will make customers feel so excited because it
gives them opportunities to save a lot of money while staying with the best results.

As a whole, all of the factors above have been thoroughly exploited in English
sales letters so as to increase their efficiency, whereas Vietnamese ones have not
done that yet.

3. Desire
As we presented above, Vietnamese sales letters usually concentrates on the
features they are offering, not explain the benefits that the consumers expect
to achieve from these products and services. It is a wrong way. If you are a
reader and the sales letter you receive does not suggest solutions to your problems,
do you want to buy the product which you don’t know what benefits it will bring to
you? Maybe the answer is “NO”. Satisfying reader’s desire is the key point of a
successful sales letter, but Vietnamese ones have not succeeded in designing
this stage yet.

Meanwhile, English ones do not figure out too many features of product; they
focus on their benefits for the customer. For instance:
“We are networked with wholesalers and distributors throughout the U.S. to
offer you an extensive range of products to meet all of your needs and at
a price that is guaranteed to fit your budget. And, we will personally deliver
and install your office furniture for you so your project is done correctly, on-
time and on-budget”
Besides, many English sales letters also pay more attention to offer attached
service packages, or other facilities (such as free trial offer, cash refund offer,

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redeemable coupon, price pack, premium, and so on) so as to increase the

attractiveness of product and satisfy customer’s needs. For example:
“To prove to you how confident I am that I can make your advertising produce
better results, I will give you a full refund of my fees if the advertising I create
for you does not generate at least 10% more leads and sales than your current
advertising! With this offer you have everything to gain and nothing to lose”
Or:
“The publication house is giving a special offer for valuable customers like
you. You get the yearly subscription of both the magazines at $120 whereas for
the general public it $144. With this letter, I'm enclosing the first month's brand
new issues of both magazines. They are absolutely free”
By striking a deep chord in the psychology of readers, immediately, writer may
motivate them to act and lead towards the next stage- ACTION. This is a key point
which English sales letters have utilized effectively; whereas Vietnamese ones
have not taken full advantage of it to exploit yet.

4. Action
One more important thing that distinguishes Vietnamese version and English
version is the way of ending the letters.

It is said that: having an interest opening is really important but creating an

impressive ending is beyond of that. It will decide whether the message you want
to transfer to the readers is deeply laid in their minds or not. In terms of this issue,
normally, only is the end of Vietnamese sales letters purely company’s contact
details which will help the customers in searching further information about
the product or placing orders. It is easy to find contact number in any
Vietnamese sales letter such as:

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“Mọi thông tin chi tiết Quý Khách vui lòng liên hệ: Mai Minh Phương – Nhân
viên phòng Kinh Doanh
Điện thoại: 0902 305 486. Email: minhphuongi.nhipcauviet@gmail.com”
This opens a way for customers to contact with company’s representative but will
not be strong enough to push them to the point. PostScript will make sense if the
customers really need products, but you will hardly find a P/S in those. Moreover,
Vietnamese sales letter usually doesn’t sum up the main points; they just
mentioned some sentences that have become stereotypical such as:
“Nhịp Cầu Việt mang đến cho bạn thêm sự lựa chọn mới.
Trân trọng kính chào!”
If we are the readers, this will not make us change our mind to buy that product,
even thinking of it is still a difficult problem.

On the contrary, not only specifically give out normal contact details, through P/S
at the end of the letter, English versions also rephrase the most prominent
benefits in the close. Hereinafter is a typical quotation:
“P.S. Through the month of December we are having a storewide
liquidation sale on ALL office furniture so we can make room for our 2007
inventory. This is your opportunity to literally steal furniture from us. Call or
email me today for a copy of our most up-to-date inventory and price list”
In this part, writer wants to inform the customers that the company is ready to help
and give information if an opportunity is provided. Once again, this reminds dear
readers the most significant benefits that the company wants to offer you - This is a
great opportunity that the company is willing to give you. Don’t miss it! You may
never have it again! Every single thing the company made is for you.

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Especially, in many other English sales letters, writers create urgent needs for
readers so as to “accidentally” force them to buy the product by giving the
tension of time and limited quantity. This is an example:
“Click the link to be one of the lucky first 100 customers who will no longer
need to worry about frozen pipes during winter”
Every one wants to be lucky. He/She wants to get the good results with minimum
efforts. The feeling of eagerness will be the motive for people to pick up the
telephone and make a phone call to company’s representative.

Those things mentioned above seem to be really effective in terms of making

readers change their behaviors, from remembering, thinking, wondering to giving
the last decision.

To conclude, this analysis points out some main differences between Vietnamese
Sales Letter and English ones, that is evaluated from our own points of views. In
shorts, there are several crucial differences between them according to AIDA
writing plan, which will be expressed in details in the following table:

Vietnamese Version English Version

use an impressive headline which
instead of using a great has a benefit and makes a promise
headline, open upon the regarding what the item the
Attention respectful salutation in order to company is selling will do for
touch the right chord with the readers in order to catch the
Vietnamese people reader’s eye and awakens his/her
curiosity
provide diversified attributes of - identify the reader’s problem that
product, not focus on dealing company’s product will solve
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- attack customers’ emotions by

with the problems, wants &
Interest making them to be the centre of
needs of readers
attention
- offer benefits the customer can
have from the product
not explain the benefits that the - in many cases, offer attached
Desire consumers expect to achieve service packages, or other
from these product and service facilities to increase the
attractiveness of product and
satisfy customer’s needs
- not only provide contact details
but only have P/S to:
• inform the customers that
they are ready to help and
- provide company’s contact give information if an
details which will help the opportunity is provided.
customers in searching further • rephrases the most
Action
information about the product prominent benefits in the
or placing orders close
- not sum up the main points - create urgent needs for readers so
as to “accidentally” force them to
buy the product by giving the
tension of time and limited
quantity

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