COMMON DISTORTED THOUGHT PATTERNS

Distorted thought patterns, also known as cognitive distortions,

negatively
affect the way you look at the world. They get in the way of clear
thinking and can impact your life in a very destructive way. Certain
distorted
thoughts occur commonly, especially among perfectionists.
Frequently used cognitive distortions have been defined by a
number of renowned researchers, including Aaron T. Beck, M.D. (the
“father of cognitive therapy”), Albert Ellis, Ph.D. (the “grandfather of
cognitive therapy”), and David D. Burns, M.D., author of a
tremendously
helpful cognitive-therapy self-help book, The Feeling Good Handbook.
I’ve also noticed a few that come up over and over among my
patients. Here are some of the most familiar negative thought
patterns,
along with examples and some ways to restructure them.

All-or-nothing thinking: You look at everything in extremes: Things

are
either good or bad, with nothing in between.
Example: If you find yourself in the slowest line at the supermarket
you say,
“I always pick the wrong line.”
Tell yourself: “How nice to have a few minutes with nothing to do
and
nobody bothering me. I think I’ll read a magazine.”

Overgeneralization: When something bad happens, you conclude

that
it is one in a series of neverending miserable patterns in your life.
Example: A friend does something hurtful, and you decide that no
one can be
trusted.
Tell yourself: “Just because one friend says a hurtful thing does not
mean
others will. She’s probably having a bad day.”
Mental filter: You focus on the negative parts of a situation and
ignore or
discount any positives.
Example: You have a performance review. Your boss says nine great
things
about you and one negative thing. You ignore the praise and zero in
on the
criticism.
Tell yourself: “Nine out of ten is an A-minus, which is pretty darn
good. I did
nine things great and have only one to work on.”

Disqualifying the positive: You refuse to acknowledge your own

accomplishments,
choosing instead to be overly self-critical.
Example: Someone compliments you for doing a nice job and you
think or
even say, “Anybody could have done it,” or “They’re just being nice.”
Tell yourself: “It feels good that someone noticed my work.”
Jumping to conclusions: You predict, either by mind reading or
fortune-telling, that people will react negatively to you or that events
will turn out badly.
Examples: You decide not to interview for a job because you believe
you won’t
get it.
Tell yourself: “Even if I don’t get the job, it’s still worth going,
because it will
give me valuable experience that could help me with future
interviews.”

Magnification or catastrophizing: You exaggerate the importance

of
relatively minor issues (such as your mistakes).
Examples: “I have a cough—it must be cancer.”
Tell yourself: “Colds are far more common than cancer—the average
person
gets eight to ten colds a year. It is highly likely that I have a cold, not
cancer.”

Minimalization or belittling: You minimalize your own

accomplishments
or someone else’s appraisal of you.
Examples: Your boss raves about your performance on a task, and
you tell
yourself that he’s just saying that to be nice.
Tell yourself: “Bosses don’t rave about you unless you’re good. He
must mean it.”
Emotional reasoning: You believe that your feelings are absolutely
accurate.
Examples: “I feel inferior; therefore, I must not be as good as
others.”
Tell yourself: “Everyone feels inferior sometimes, no matter how
successful
they are. I’m just suffering from an attack of low self-esteem, just as
everyone
does sometimes.”

Should” statements: You use unproductive “should” and

“shouldn’t”
statements to criticize yourself or others. Also “must,” “always,”
“never,”
“have to,” “need to,” and “ought to.”
Examples: “My house should always be neat.”
Tell yourself: “I like my house to be neat, but if it’s not, it’s no big
deal. There
are worse things in the world than a messy house.”
Labeling and mislabeling: You use inaccurate self-labels that are
overly
simplistic and overly critical.
Example: While on a diet, you eat a dish of ice cream and then say,
“I’m such a
fat slob.”
Tell yourself: “Wow, that ice cream was really good. There’s nothing
wrong
with an occasional treat as long as I eat well most of the time. I’ll tack
an
extra mile onto my walk tomorrow to help burn it off.”

Personalization (the mother of guilt): You take responsibility for

things
that are not your fault. Or you blame someone else for situations or
events for which they are not responsible.
Examples: When your child fails an exam, you decide it’s due to your
bad
parenting.
Tell yourself: “Wouldn’t it be great if I had that much control over my
child’s
performance! The truth is, there are many reasons a child fails a test.
Instead
of blaming myself I’m going to work with my child to figure out how to
get
extra help.”
Approval seeking: You feel that all the significant people in your life
must love and approve of you all the time and if they don’t, it’s awful.
Because of this feeling, you consistently compromise your needs and
desires to gain the approval of others.
Example: You opt not to buy a shirt you like because you think your
mother
might consider it too low-cut.
Tell yourself: “I like it and it looks good on me, so the heck with what
my mother says!” (But as the mother of two girls, I’m with your
mother on
this one.)

Self-righteousness: You feel that people should always do what you

think is right, and if they don’t, then they’re wrong.
Example: You give your sister advice, and you get upset when she
doesn’t follow
it.
Tell yourself: “She probably asked several people for advice and is
taking it all
into account as she makes her decision. I’m flattered that I am one of
the
people she asked.”

Woe is me: You regard yourself as a victim despite the ordinariness

of a
situation.
Example: Your car is in the shop and you interpret this as a personal
human
tragedy that challenges/tests your ability to cope. You fail to accept it
as a
normal part of life; rather, you become a victim of it.
Tell yourself: “Everyone has car troubles sometimes, and everyone
thinks it’s
a pain. It’s an inevitable inconvenience of modern life for everyone,
not
just me.”
Reductionism: You fail to see the complex causes and potential
benefits
of a stressful experience by reducing it to one simple cause or
consequence.
Example: You catch a cold and blame it completely on your exposure
to your
sick four-year-old nephew and not at all on your own degree of stress
and
lack of sleep.
Tell yourself: “There are a lot of things that predispose a person to
catching a
cold. Exposure to germs is one factor, but it’s possible my immune
system is
weakened because of stress, lack of sleep, or poor diet. I’m going to
take better
care of myself and not waste energy on blame.”
Fallacy of fairness: You judge a negative event as unfair when it
really is
just a twist of fate.

Example: You get sick despite living a healthy lifestyle and consider
the illness
to be completely unfair to you.
Tell yourself: “A lot of people who get sick have done absolutely
nothing
wrong. Bad things do happen to good people. Even though my health
habits didn’t prevent this illness or disease, they will help me get
better
faster and improve my chances of making a full recovery.”
Comparison: You habitually compare yourself to others, which leaves
you feeling either inferior or superior. These comparisons are based on
little information or an isolated event.
Example: You compare the exquisite home-sewn Halloween costumes
that
your neighbor made for her kids to the run-of-the mill ones you bought
for
yours, and you decide that she’s a better, more creative parent than
you.
Tell yourself: “Yep, she’s more creative. So what? She does some
things better
than I do, and I do some things better than she does. We all have
strengths
and weaknesses.”