Grace Tarara

February 5, 2019

Free Writing 1

Writing is scary. I can do complex equations, take the derivative, measure out chemicals in chemistry,
and go into deep conversations about the human mind. The minute I have to put that in to consistent,
understandable words on paper I lose it. I get so stressed out about my little knowledge on grammar
that I forget about what I am writing in the first place. When I was little I loved to write stories, I told my
parents that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. When I aged, all my classmates started surpassing
me in English. All of the sudden a class that I used to look forward to became something I would dread.
Not only were my essays a mess grammatically, but I couldn’t properly hook readiers, use appropriate
humor, and give constructed arguments. My friends would get their essays back with A’s while I hid my
b-‘s and Cs. I am ashamed of it. For me it is really hard to face the fact that I am really bad at something
academic because academics have been the only thing im good at since I was younger. When
scholarship season came around I had to face my parents with the poor excuse that I didn’t bring home
scholarships because my volunteering, grades, and activities weren’t enough. Even with plenty of help
from teachers and friends the grammar was fixed but the content wasn’t. Everything I write is not only
boring, but doesn’t make sense or persuade my audience in any way. Everytime I try to work on or learn
these things the results are always the same. I am below average. Writing is scary because putting my
best foot forward is not enough. My struggle in English has completely killed that joy I used to have for
reading and writing. It puts a bitter taste in my mouth.