Flaim 1

Ella Flaim

Wilson

Period 2

February 27, 2019

Having a loved one die from cancer is like getting punched in the face at church. You

should have seen it coming, because the guy in front of you was getting kinda pushy, but you just

didn't believe it would happen in ​church.​

When I was ten years old, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. As young as I

was, I still didn’t fully understand the threat that cancer was to my mother, and to my family.

Because of that dry ignorance, I felt no strong emotions about the seemingly trivial news. I

simply shrugged, and moved on with my life, carelessly.

In December of 2015, everyone from my mother’s side of the family came to North

Carolina for Christmas. I didn’t think much of it, even if it was unusual for all of us to be in the

same place. Then I thought about how that summer, we had all rented a beach house in

Charleston that year. And that Thanksgiving, we were at Disney World with my Dad’s side of

the family. My instincts were telling me that something was wrong, but I tried to forget it. Once

Christmas was over, and empty Christmas decoration boxes flooded the living room, I didn’t

even recount my concerns. Not once did I consider that a disease ,which I once thought of as

simply annoying, could be the cause of such amazing experiences.

March comes quickly and I find myself and my younger brother sleeping over a close

family-friend’s house. The days were rainy but it was nice to have some much-needed social
 Flaim 2

time. We were told that our parents were at the hospital (for my mother’s treatment , no doubt).

We played games to distract ourselves from the aching feeling of not being in ​our own​ house, in

our own​ beds. The next day, our father came to pick us up and we went home. ​Finally.​

April of that year is a blur to me, as if that whole month shot me in the chest and ran far,

far away. At the beginning of the month, mom was in the hospital. I went to visit her, once, but

the sight of her brother helping her lift her head to drink a cup of water was more than my faded,

emotionless mind could handle. I was then told she would get better, and come home. On that car

ride home, I thought to myself, ​If my mom dies, I don’t know what I’d do to myself​. The next day,

I was on the way to the hospital with my mom’s sister.

We got lunch, I ate, and we went on our way. When we got to the hospital, my aunt

stopped me from leaving the car, she told me to wait so we could talk, but I already knew what

she was going to tell me.

Once again, dryness, it was as if the air in her body had come from the Sahara. I don’t

even remember exactly what she had told me that day, all I remember is we cried. We cried until

our eyes could never be dry again. We cried until tidal waves came pouring out of her car. We

cried until we forgot, only we’d ​never f​ orget. She turns to me and asks if I wanted to go in to see

her, I said no. That one word, a miniscule response which one would think has such little impact

on one’s life, is something I will regret for as long as I live.

That next week, my mother is moved back to our house, unable to speak even one,

monotonous. word. Soon After, social workers came to talk to me and my brother, I still have no

idea what they said to us other than that we were going to make something for her on Tuesday.

We never got to.

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I had a wonderful day of school that Friday. I had gotten a test back, which I actually did

pretty well on considering my emotional state at the time. I was almost gleeful, my family was

visiting, my grades were good, my friends were inviting me places. Even if my mom was on her

deathbed, I was still having a pretty good day. Then I arrived home. As I walked in, I was

greeted with questions about my day and a few smiles. But I knew something was off. Then I sat

down on the couch and they told me. Everyone cried. I didn’t.

The coming weeks were hard, between trips to New York and funerals in North Carolina,

I was out of school for a while. The coming months were harder. A feeling of ​numbness p​ lagued

my body and I felt nothing for months.

It got better. I matured in a way I never knew I could. I had learned the value of life and

the conflicts of grief. I mended my broken soul and healed my grieving heart (not to sound poetic

or anything). I learned more about myself as well. I learned that sometimes I need to step back

and evaluate how I feel, to check in on myself, and to be kind to myself. Without this experience,

I would have never gained confidence in myself to pursue what I wanted to do. I learned to be

kinder, and to open my heart to the people around me. And most importantly, I learned to ask

myself, as my mom asked me when I gave my brother a black eye , ​how does that make your

heart feel?

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors)

Score: 44.5/50
W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and
well-structured event sequences.
Standard Exceptional (10-9) Proficient (8-7) Emerging (6-1) Not Evident (0)
3.a​. ​Introduction​ - ❏ Effectively hook the ❏ Hook the reader with
Engage and orient the reader with a creative, a compelling hook
reader by setting out a

problem, situation, or
observation, establishing
one or multiple point(s)
of view, and introducing
a narrator and/or
characters; create a
smooth progression of
experiences or events.
9 original, or creative
3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use
narrative techniques,
such as dialogue, pacing,
description, reflection,
and multiple plot lines,
to develop experiences,
events, and/or
characters.
8 events, and/or
3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a
variety of techniques to
sequence events so that
they build on one
another to create a
coherent whole.
8.5
3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use
precise words and
phrases, telling details,
and sensory language to
convey a vivid picture of
the experiences, events,
setting, and/or
characters.
original, and
compelling hook
❏ Effectively sets out a
problem, situation, or
observation in a
compelling and/or
creative manner
❏ Establish an insightful,
point of view
❏ Introduce a ​complex
and/or creative
narrator, characters,
setting, and main idea
❏ Utilize ​two or more
(teacher discretion)
narrative techniques
with purpose:
dialogue, pacing,
description, reflection,
multiple plot lines,
etc…
❏ Develop experiences,
characters and to
clearly develop a
purposeful theme
❏ Use ​purposefully
narrative techniques
such as
foreshadowing,
dramatic irony,
suspense, and/or
flashbacks in a ​highly
effective manner​ ​to
create an original plot
structure
❏ Create a smooth
progression of
experiences or events
that is logical, ​creative,
and sophisticated ​and
that uses ​highly
engaging devices
❏ Use precise, detailed
and ​sophisticated
words, phrases, and
sensory language​ to
engage the reader ​and
convey a​ ​vivid picture
Flaim 4
❏ Effectively sets out a
problem, situation, or
observation
❏ Establish an insightful
point of view
❏ Introduce a narrator,
characters, setting,
and main idea
❏ Utilize narrative
techniques such as
dialogue, pacing,
description,
reflection, and
multiple plot lines
❏ Develop experiences,
events, and/or
characters in attempt
to convey theme
❏ Use appropriately
techniques such as
foreshadowing,
dramatic irony,
suspense, and/or
flashbacks
❏ Create a smooth
progression of
experiences or events
that is logical and
engaging
❏ Use precise and
detailed words,
phrases, and sensory
language to convey a
vivid picture

10
3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide
a conclusion that follows
from and reflects on
what is experienced,
observed, or resolved
over the course of the
narrative.
9 complex and original
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❏ Provide a conclusion ❏ Provide a conclusion
that reflects on what is that reflects on what
experienced, observed, is experienced,
or resolved observed, or resolved
❏ Extends the meaning ❏ Extends the meaning
and purpose to to convey a theme
connect to the
audience ​and​ ​convey a
theme