Nelcy Chaidez  

Senior Advisor: Mr.Haymore 

3/2019 
Personal Statement 
 
On my personal statement essay, I received a grade F because I did not fulfill the 
requirements for it. To have achieve a better grade on my essay, I could have added more 
detail and explanation on my passion for music. Adding on, I also could have used the correct 
format and add more length to my paragraphs and also revise it and made sure my essay was 
complete. I noticed that my essay was short and not the correct format and wording and my 
vocabulary was misunderstood. As for my introduction, I did add all the right steps and used a 
creative form for it. Overall, my personal statement needed longer paragraphs, correct 
punctuation and more detail.