COCONUT OIL (an essay)

I like Coconut oil. That's how you begin an essay.

Coconut oil is extremely useful to chefs specializing in Thai, Goanese and Keralite
food. All that the chef does is dip his (pardon the gender bias, since most chefs
are males) head in hot water, and you have the base for most preparations. No need
to worry if you find hair in such food - they have been personally passed by the
chef.

By the way, Aaj Tak (sab se tez, sab se galat) reportedly reported on a girl who
liked to eat hair. Finally a 3 inch diameter ball of hair was removed from her
stomach by surgery. "It was quite a hairy sight", said one of the surgeons. They
discovered different flavours of coconut oil in the ball - Jasmine, Rose, Vinegar,
and so on. She seems to have had Thanda-Thanda cool-cool Navaratan oil for dessert.

Lice make quite a lousy pet. But they find coconut oil to be quite a slippery
customer. It seems to give them no head-room. Most of them are executed as in
hanging by a hair. Did you know that there are several types of lice? They have
evolved to suit their environment. There are lice for straight hair, curly hair,
even an albino variety for platinum blonde hair. There are a special type of lice
called the 'spy lice' which only thrive under cover. Himmesh knows. I will refuse
to be surprised if there is an undiscovered variety of invisible lice which are
specially adapted for bald heads.

Some people have tried using a coconut oil bottle as a parachute while sky-diving,
following the instructions on the bottle. It clearely said 'PARACHUTE'.
Unfortunately, none of them succeeded to tell us the tales. But then, if you don't
succeed in the first attempt, sky-diving is not the sport for you. Of course, you
need to consider the fact that in all these cases, the bottles were found unopened.
Blame it not on the ineffectiveness of coconut oil, but the special design of the
bottle that makes it hard to open it while sky-diving. Maybe they can provide
openers. But then, there are not many trained openers around these days, and the
openers themselves would need parachutes and subsequently, more openers. Huh. Most
problems are more difficult than they are imagined to be.

Even with all that, I still believe that coconut oil is the hope for a brighter
tomorrow. Especially if you use it to light lamps.

I like Coconut oil very much. That's how you end an essay.

- Oily Niranjan