10 Valentines Day Tips For Spouses Who Want To

Improve Their Marriage

The best and most valuable gifts are often not material ones. While many
spouses focus on Valentine's Day gifts such as jewelry or candy, spouses who
are willing to invest the time and energy can give one of the most precious
gifts possible-an improved, satisfying marriage.

Long after the romantic card is tucked away and the box of candy is empty,
this marriage-enriching gift will still be appreciated and enjoyed. Follow
these ten steps to give yourself and your spouse an unforgettable Valentine's
Day gift:

1. Direct your energy into becoming the kind of marriage partner you'd like
to have. It's easy to criticize a spouse for not being perfect while we
overlook our own imperfections.

2. Focus on how you need to change in order to be a better partner. The

only person you can ultimately change is yourself.

3. Accept responsibility for your own actions. You take a giant leap forward
in growth the day you can say, "I'm sorry for my actions" instead of
rationalizing and offering excuses.

4. Minimize blame and resentment. They are toxic and can poison your
marriage and your life.

5. Practice forgiveness, not to let your partner off the hook, but because
you want to move forward without carrying the weight of past hurts.
6. Break your marriage goals down into small steps and begin taking action.
It'll be easier to continue moving forward when you start seeing progress.

7. Adopt the philosophy expressed in the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me

serenity to accept what I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference."

8. Focus on what you can do and give instead of keeping tabs about who is
doing the most or making the greatest effort in your marriage.

9. Strive for balance in your own life between family, friends, work, sports,
hobbies, recreation, and other interests. Then you won't be as likely to
obsess about the imperfections in your partner.

10. Reward and praise yourself often for hanging in there in a challenging
situation. You deserve it!