Darius Mullens

PHI-262-01

Dr. Adamson

3/8/19

(Question #3) Heloise and Abelard II: Electric Boogaloo

Augustine had what I think are pretty lame ideas about what love is and should be. He

was kind of a prude and while everyone’s preferences are their own, his seem to shame the

preferences of others, which crosses a line in my book. The different perspectives about his ideas

are clearly represented in the love letters between Heloise and Abelard. They were a pair of

lovers who were forbidden to be together, but fought for their love for different reasons. They

had almost opposite motivations and intentions, and because of this, the flame of their love was

brutally and excruciatingly extinguished.

Heloise was motivated by “platonic love.” While the nature of their affair was extremely

sexual, Heloise wasn’t in it for the sex. Abelard was like her best friend; the person she felt safe

with. When Abelard was castrated and went to the monastery, Heloise felt that her feelings

remained the same. She loved him for him, not for the sex. This describes the essence of platonic

love. She loved him and even told him that she would rather be his mistress than his wife. That

sounds like the FriendZone​™​. While she was in the nunnery, she felt like the quality of her love

was undiminished; she loved him just the same, even though they couldn’t have sex or be

married.

Abelard, on the other hand, greatly valued the sexual/romantic part of their relationship.

He was considerably older than Heloise and he kept it a secret so that her uncle wouldn’t end
their affair. Eventually, he decided it was worth telling the truth if he would get to marry her.

When he was castrated, it was like the spark left their relationship left on his end. He said that

they should work more toward making God happy by repenting rather than working toward

making themselves happy at the cost of sinning.

Augustine was a firm believer that sex should only be for reproduction and that love

shouldn’t be about lust. Lust was sinful and brought about shame. He thought that if you had to

do it behind closed doors, you had no business doing it. Abelard and Heloise kept their

relationship under wraps for a while to hide it from Heloise’s uncle. An Augustinian follower

could make the argument that they had no business being in that relationship if they had to hide

it.

The idea that marriage strips the relationship of passion is one that Heloise subscribed to.

She told him that she preferred being his mistress to being his wife. She felt it would take the

spark out of their relationship and they’d become a boring married couple. It was like she

thought it was silly to bind yourself to someone in front of church and state when your

relationship didn’t need it. It was unnecessary affirmation.

Abelard represented what love ​shouldn’t​ be for Augustine, and while she did have sex for

pleasure, it could be argued that Heloise represented what love ​should​ be for Augustine. Abelard

was experiencing very powerful lust, and while he did claim to love her, his last letter seems to

be proof enough that that’s not entirely true. Heloise still loved him when she was in the

nunnery. She had true love. Augustine would be proud.

 (Question #2) “Real talk” ft. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

In the Robert C. Miner essay on friendship we read for class, I saw a lot of myself and

my friends in the four different types of people that are incapable of achieving higher friendship.

High school and teenagerdom were breeding grounds for self-discovery. In the process, people

made mistakes and showed themselves to have some of the qualities described in the reading.

This essay is going to break the rules of formality and I think it’s better if I tell these stories

without any fluff. (And I know it’s a no-no to refer to say “this essay will be like __” but I

wanted to establish the format-less format).

The first type of person (the “lazy” type) exists in an ex-girlfriend of mine, whom I will

call “Gwen.” She was nice, she was considerate, and we had a nice relationship, but I couldn’t

help but feel like I was more mature than she was. I was a junior in high school, and she was a

sophomore, so there wasn’t a huge age difference, but I still felt like I was more mature in certain

ways. I felt like I was searching for my passion and working hard to attain my goals and make

my dreams come true and I felt like she never really had the same spark that I did. It was kind of

a downer. We broke up because we were just going in different directions.

I’ve had needy friends. I’ve had very needy friends. But one ex-girlfriend, “Gia,” was a

bit much. I felt like I had to give her every ounce of my attention whenever I had a moment of

free time. I felt like I had to stop hanging out with friends and I had to buy her things and make

her my number one priority at all times. It was a lot of stress and I felt like I was being someone

I’m not. It was frustrating. I ended the relationship because I realized that I wasn’t happy and

that I felt like I was being guilted into the relationship. That wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t
benefitting either of us. I promised myself not to be needy or to let myself be dragged down by

needy people. Of course, I’ll help people who need it. But not at my own expense.

I, myself, am one of the people who loves to talk about my relationships with other

people. When I am at a party and I may not necessarily have my wits about me (wink, wink), I

love to tell my friends how much I love them and all of the things I love about them and how I’d

do anything for them. In relationships, I appreciate words of affirmation, but I can totally

understand how annoying it is to have to constantly reassure someone that your relationship with

them is fine. That sort of circles back on my relationship with “Gia.” I felt like I had to

constantly say “everything’s fine” until it drove me up the wall.

The final type of person discussed in the Miner essay is the type that made me want to

write this paper: the envious type. In high school, my friend “Dean” and I were very competitive.

We would always compare ourselves to the other person. We actually started off blindly hating

each other because we were envious of the other person in our freshman year of high school. I

got into musical theater only to discover that he was into it too. The next four years was an

unceasing back and forth. We would always get lead roles and it got to a point where I was

unmotivated to even try to do my best because I felt like he was always going to be better. I

joined a theater company that he was not a part of and I realized that we’re our own people and

that neither of us was better than the other. During audition season in our senior year, he got into

his dream school for acting. I didn’t get in anywhere except for one school that I couldn’t even

afford to go to. I beat myself up for a while because of that. Even a couple of months ago, when I

transferred here to WestConn, I felt like I had “won” or something because I got in for ​musical
theater, which some people think is harder. I immediately felt guilty and I pushed that feeling

inside.

This unspoken competition is something we’ve discussed thoroughly and it’s something

we’re both fighting against. I love him like a brother and I’m happy for him. He’s happy for me

too. As we keep growing up, our relationship gets healthier. The main point is that I think that all

of these different types of people apply to everyone and everyone needs to try a little harder to

not be like this. We can grow and change and create healthy friendships that help us to love

ourselves and each other a little bit more.