PROTOTYPES

Question
The concept of “prototypes of love” is discussed in our textbook. The assumption is that all of
us, whether formally or informally, have a list of what we are looking for in a mate. Make of list
of the 15 most important things you look for in a mate. Once you have completed the list, put a
star next to the five characteristics, traits or qualities that you believe are most important.
Explain why you identified those five as being the most important qualities in a mate.

Answer
When beginning a relationship it is often prudent to ask oneself what some essential
criteria for your partner might be. Would you enter a relationship with someone without knowing
if your needs and desires will be met? Knowing what characteristics to expect from a partner is
an important step before actually deciding to involve yourself with someone. Personally, I look
for five major characteristics in a potential partner which include wanting me to grow as a
person, sharing thoughts and feelings with me, being good in bed, being honest and faithful, and
having a passion for life, as well as me. I find these characteristics to be vital to the growth of a
healthy relationship. Without meeting these expectations, I don’t think I would feel satisfied
enough to move forward in the relationship.
When getting involved with someone, I make sure they meet the criteria for wanting to
help me mature into my best self. I desire support from my partner because it’s important to me
to know that they have my best interests at heart. They want to see me succeed and help in any
way possible. An example of a question I might ask to know if someone meets this expectation
is, “Would you be willing to help me accomplish my goals?” That way I know they’re more
than happy to help out when they can. I think if this is reciprocated between partners during a
relationship, there will be a stronger bond built.
Another trait I look for in a potential partner is the skill to be able to share what’s on their
mind and how they’re feeling. Communication is a big part of any relationship, so it’s healthy to
express to your partner how you’re feeling about the relationship. One question I could ask to see
if someone is going to be communicative is, “Would you tell me if I could do things better in our
relationship?” I want to be in a relationship with someone who is comfortable enough to share
their thoughts and emotions with me. Therefore I know I can express my feelings about our
relationship with less anxiety and tension.
A fundamental aspect to the survival of a relationship is intimacy. In my opinion, in
order for a relationship to thrive it should involve passion, love, and sex. The textbook mentions,
“Although love and sex are separate phenomena, recent research shows that for both men and
women, sex often includes intimacy and caring, key aspects of love, and love is most often
expected to include sexual desire”(Cohen & Strong, 2017, p. 128). In order to find out if my
potential partner believes in this theory I would ask them, “How important is regular sexual
intimacy to you?” and then evaluate whether the relationship is going to be compatible or not. Of
course this may take time to figure out, especially in a new relationship.
 The last major characteristic I would look for in an ideal potential partner is someone
who is able to express passion through multiple outlets in life, including me. If there was one last
question to ask my potential partner it would be, “Does passion drive you to participate in
hobbies and will there be passion present in our relationship? That way we both know how to
satisfy each other’s needs as the relationship progresses.

References
Strong, B, & Cohen, T. F. (2017). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in
a changing society (13th ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.