1

00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,200

_

2
00:00:01,206 --> 00:00:03,101
- Ohh!
- What

3
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:05,197
Sort of miss the neck brace.

4
00:00:05,492 --> 00:00:07,520
It was like a powerful turtleneck.

5
00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,200
You looked like Robert
Redford in 'The Way We Were'.

6
00:00:10,606 --> 00:00:13,566
- Well, should I... get a cravat?
- (SHE LAUGHS)

7
00:00:13,572 --> 00:00:15,378
Well, you can't just go
from brace to nothing!

8
00:00:15,384 --> 00:00:16,584
(THEY LAUGH)

9
00:00:17,376 --> 00:00:18,581
So, all good?

10
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:21,272
Yeah. I got the
all-clear. Got the clean...

11
00:00:21,278 --> 00:00:22,559
- full bill of health.
- (SHE LAUGHS)

12
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:24,344
You know, she even
said that my weight loss

13
00:00:24,350 --> 00:00:25,922
has made my penis look bigger.
14
00:00:25,928 --> 00:00:27,248
- (SHE SCOFFS)
- (HE CHUCKLES)

15
00:00:27,349 --> 00:00:29,031
Did you tell her about the bed sweats?

16
00:00:29,037 --> 00:00:31,750
- Yeah. She wasn't worried about that.
- Really?!

17
00:00:31,756 --> 00:00:34,421
Did you tell her how it
soaks the whole bed now?

18
00:00:34,427 --> 00:00:36,270
Did she not think
that's weird and gross?

19
00:00:36,276 --> 00:00:37,992
She didn't use those words.

20
00:00:37,998 --> 00:00:39,970
Did you show her the brown
thing that just grew on your leg?

21
00:00:39,976 --> 00:00:41,897
Ah, first of all, it's beige,

22
00:00:41,903 --> 00:00:44,795
and, ah... Does it bother you
that I've been declared healthy?

23
00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:49,189
No, it doesn't bother me that
you're healthy... It's great.

24
00:00:49,195 --> 00:00:51,977
It's just interesting that
you could spend 40 years

25
00:00:51,983 --> 00:00:54,875
inhaling sausage rolls and get
rewarded with a clean bill of health.

26
00:00:54,881 --> 00:00:56,989
That's... you know,
whatever... good for you.

27
00:00:57,085 --> 00:00:58,612
You should get a check-up.

28
00:00:59,257 --> 00:01:00,460
I'm fine.

29
00:01:00,466 --> 00:01:02,673
Oh, are you, now? I mean,
you <i>look</i> fine, but...

30
00:01:02,679 --> 00:01:04,201
could be a mess in there.

31
00:01:04,436 --> 00:01:06,203
(HE LAUGHS AND SNORTS)

32
00:01:06,209 --> 00:01:08,460
- What are you laughing at?
- No, I'm just thinking,

33
00:01:08,466 --> 00:01:11,478
you know, one day each of us is
gonna go to the doctor and be told,

34
00:01:11,484 --> 00:01:13,473
"I have extremely bad news."

35
00:01:13,479 --> 00:01:15,796
Jesus Christ!

36
00:01:16,796 --> 00:01:19,377
You know, I think I'm
gonna train for a 10-K.

37
00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:21,914
- Do you wanna join me?
- No.

38
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,927
- Why?
- Because you fart when you run.

39
00:01:24,933 --> 00:01:28,029
Well, if you ran faster, you
wouldn't have to huff 'em, slowpoke.

40
00:01:28,035 --> 00:01:30,720
"Slowpoke"? Oh, my God!

41
00:01:30,726 --> 00:01:32,834
I totally run faster than you.

42
00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:34,918
Mm, no, you don't.

43
00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:39,893
This is ridiculous!

44
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,502
It's just silly. I'm wearing heels.

45
00:01:44,893 --> 00:01:48,178
And carrying a bag. Wasn't even trying.

46
00:01:50,389 --> 00:01:52,049
- Now I'm trying!
- ♪

47
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:57,100
Sync & corrections by <font color="#d61dfc">PetaG</font>
- www.addic7ed.com -

48
00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,921
I had no idea I was so healthy.

49
00:01:59,927 --> 00:02:02,223
I'm thinking about competing in
a Masters Tournament or something.

50
00:02:02,229 --> 00:02:05,574
I don't think you qualify for
Masters Tournaments just by being old.

51
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:07,480
I think you also have
to be good at a sport.

52
00:02:07,486 --> 00:02:09,603
Well, their loss.
53
00:02:09,609 --> 00:02:12,329
I had the full check-up
myself, few weeks back.

54
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,760
Tanya wants to start trying for a baby.

55
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:17,461
I figured if I do it right
now, immediately, then

56
00:02:17,467 --> 00:02:20,164
there's probably just enough
time for me to watch it grow up

57
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:21,555
before I run out of steam.

58
00:02:22,148 --> 00:02:23,753
If someone hiccups, I'm fucked.

59
00:02:23,759 --> 00:02:27,331
- Wow! Now, why would you do that?
- 'Cause she wants a baby.

60
00:02:27,337 --> 00:02:29,573
I already tried to tell her,
"do it with somebody younger",

61
00:02:29,579 --> 00:02:32,707
but she likes me. And, you
know, she's got a good career,

62
00:02:32,713 --> 00:02:34,785
and her folks have money, so...

63
00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:37,597
you know, if I get
Alzheimer's or assassinated,

64
00:02:37,603 --> 00:02:40,513
- then having the wee one she'd be all set.
- Mm.

65
00:02:40,519 --> 00:02:42,753
- You've really thought this through.
- Plus, Tanya's on board

66
00:02:42,759 --> 00:02:44,954
for all my sexual proclivities,
and that is not a given

67
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,548
- for every woman I meet.
- Huh! Tell me about it!

68
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,296
Dave and I'll start a
prayer circle for you.

69
00:02:50,406 --> 00:02:52,414
No, no. I support older dads.

70
00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:55,422
I mean, I'm in my late
40s. I've just had a baby.

71
00:02:55,428 --> 00:02:57,994
Um, know I'm not as old as you, but...

72
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,562
I'm the same age as you, arsehole.

73
00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:02,070
Really?!

74
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,865
Oh! Hey, that reminds me.

75
00:03:05,871 --> 00:03:08,254
Got something to show you. (HE SIGHS)

76
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,552
Oh, is that what we're eating right now?

77
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:12,948
(BOTH LAUGH)

78
00:03:12,954 --> 00:03:15,932
No! That is Mr Barnaby Honeypot...
79
00:03:15,938 --> 00:03:17,629
Daphne's new pony.

80
00:03:17,635 --> 00:03:20,672
Did you ride it here? Is
it tied to a post out front?

81
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,796
No! It's on our farm!

82
00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:27,392
Oh! We bought a farm... in Kent. Yeah.

83
00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:29,570
I bought it because I don't want Daphne

84
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,942
getting stabbed to death in London.

85
00:03:30,948 --> 00:03:34,149
Huh! I'm such a dad now! (HE LAUGHS)

86
00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:36,171
Actually, we're going down this weekend.

87
00:03:36,177 --> 00:03:38,444
Do you guys wanna come?
You can bring the kids.

88
00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:39,950
- Fuck, yeah.
- I can't this weekend.

89
00:03:39,956 --> 00:03:41,458
Tanya and I are taking some mushrooms

90
00:03:41,464 --> 00:03:43,262
and going to a Renaissance
fair in Norfolk.

91
00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:46,669
What?

92
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,719
I mean, I feel pretty
healthy. I feel good,

93
00:03:50,725 --> 00:03:52,717
except for the peeing myself thing.

94
00:03:52,723 --> 00:03:54,733
I mean, it used to just
happen when I was trampolining,

95
00:03:54,739 --> 00:03:57,839
and now it's just...
whenever. As needed.

96
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,880
- Is there anything we could do about that?
- God, no.

97
00:04:02,139 --> 00:04:03,719
We're probably closer to curing cancer

98
00:04:03,725 --> 00:04:05,421
than figuring out how
the hell mothers not

99
00:04:05,427 --> 00:04:07,618
- pee when they don't want to. (INHALES DEEPLY)
- Oh.

100
00:04:07,624 --> 00:04:09,436
So, we've got your tests back.

101
00:04:09,442 --> 00:04:11,931
Er, I'm afraid your
cholesterol level is quite high

102
00:04:11,937 --> 00:04:14,104
- for a woman your age.
- Are you sure?

103
00:04:14,314 --> 00:04:17,452
- My cholesterol feels fine.
- Also, your bloods are indicating a high level of

104
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,967
fat around your organs,
uh, and, I have to say,
105
00:04:20,973 --> 00:04:24,157
- your mobility isn't great.
- What? What does that mean?

106
00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:26,333
Er, you couldn't touch
your toes earlier.

107
00:04:26,429 --> 00:04:29,530
Some people just can't do that. I
mean, it's like wiggling your ears

108
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,343
- or moon-walking.
- But the good news is,

109
00:04:31,349 --> 00:04:34,132
your weight is within the healthy
limit for your age and height.

110
00:04:34,218 --> 00:04:36,124
So you're saying the
package is the right size,

111
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:38,798
- but what's inside is just shit?
- No.

112
00:04:38,804 --> 00:04:40,714
You're saying if you took
a normal-size mannequin

113
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:44,681
and filled it with meatballs
and margarine, that'd be me?

114
00:04:44,687 --> 00:04:48,090
- That's not what I'm saying.
- Well, medically that is exactly what you're saying.

115
00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:49,787
Fine.

116
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,700
♪

117
00:04:51,706 --> 00:04:54,597
Just never thought of
myself as unhealthy before,

118
00:04:54,603 --> 00:04:56,786
'cause I'm, you know, a runner.

119
00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:58,605
- How are you a runner?
- (KNOCK AT DOOR)

120
00:04:58,611 --> 00:05:00,709
Used to run cross-country at uni.

121
00:05:00,715 --> 00:05:02,506
Yeah. I mean, I used
to build pillow forts,

122
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,522
it doesn't mean I'm
currently an architect.

123
00:05:04,528 --> 00:05:07,246
Yeah, but... muscle memory!

124
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,684
Hey!

125
00:05:09,014 --> 00:05:10,971
- We goin' ravin'?
- No, running.

126
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,901
Oh right, so I'm baby-sittin'
so you can go runnin'?

127
00:05:12,987 --> 00:05:14,784
- Yeah.
- Fair enough.

128
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,072
You know, you should be careful.

129
00:05:17,078 --> 00:05:19,182
My uncle Kevin, right, he started
runnin' when he was your age,
130
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:23,076
like, 60 or whatever. He did
one run and collapsed and died.

131
00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:24,680
Well, that's unlikely to happen.

132
00:05:24,686 --> 00:05:26,711
Older people are better
off standin' still, I think.

133
00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,242
Like, you get to a certain
age and you start exercisin',

134
00:05:29,248 --> 00:05:31,632
you shake bad stuff loose and it
gets in your bloodstream and it

135
00:05:31,638 --> 00:05:35,047
poisons ya, and you just
drop dead straight away.

136
00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:38,478
- Okay. See you about half seven, Anna.
- Thank you.

137
00:05:38,484 --> 00:05:42,165
♪

138
00:05:42,171 --> 00:05:43,554
How far was that?

139
00:05:43,757 --> 00:05:46,173
Uh, 2.3 miles!

140
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,893
- What? Miles? Well, bloody hell!
- Yeah!

141
00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:51,589
- Yeah.
- That's good.

142
00:05:51,682 --> 00:05:55,199
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- We'll get a Tube back, though, right?

143
00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:56,698
(MOTORBIKE ENGINE REVVING)

144
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,405
So fuckin' dangerous.

145
00:06:00,350 --> 00:06:03,781
What if a kid ran out?
Tell him to slow down.

146
00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:05,281
(QUIETLY) Slow down.

147
00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:09,040
Argh! Oh!

148
00:06:09,046 --> 00:06:11,714
- Agh! Oh, God, my eyes
- What just happened?!

149
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,532
- Agh! Oh, my God, it's acid!
- What?!

150
00:06:14,538 --> 00:06:17,280
- Argh! Oh, argh!, Argh!
- Rob! Rob!

151
00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:18,740
Oh, wait...

152
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,432
It tastes like juice.

153
00:06:20,438 --> 00:06:23,080
It... No, it's ju... it's just juice.

154
00:06:23,441 --> 00:06:24,728
Argh!

155
00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:28,898
- Oh! Oh.
- Bloody hell!
156
00:06:29,005 --> 00:06:31,613
- That was a bit dramatic!
- Oh, really?!

157
00:06:31,619 --> 00:06:35,209
Well, you didn't just have
acidic juice shot in your face.

158
00:06:36,482 --> 00:06:37,682
♪

159
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:38,960
Fuckin' hell!

160
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:44,369
♪

161
00:06:44,546 --> 00:06:47,650
- Do you wanna start running with me?
- Not really. Why?

162
00:06:47,656 --> 00:06:49,273
Because I've got fatty organs,

163
00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,781
and Rob won't run with me anymore
'cause he's scared of London.

164
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,783
I don't wanna join a
gym 'cause the mirrors.

165
00:06:53,851 --> 00:06:55,955
- And the people.
- <i>Oh, and the smell.</i>

166
00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:58,154
It's like every breath you
take has wiggled its way

167
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,371
through 20 pairs of sweaty buttocks.

168
00:07:00,872 --> 00:07:02,418
Do you want to come to military fitness
169
00:07:02,424 --> 00:07:04,503
- in the park with me?
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

170
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,206
- Uh, how-how do I do that? Do I...
- (PHONE BEEPS)

171
00:07:06,285 --> 00:07:07,485
(PHONE CONTINUES TO BEEP)

172
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,096
Fran, I'll call you back, okay?

173
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,776
What's up? Are you all right?

174
00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:14,313
Yeah, I'm just calling
to check that you're okay.

175
00:07:14,319 --> 00:07:16,102
- Have you seen the news?
- <i>No. Why?</i>

176
00:07:16,108 --> 00:07:17,308
There was an incident in town.

177
00:07:17,314 --> 00:07:20,507
A guy drove a car into a crowd of
people in front of the M&M store.

178
00:07:20,513 --> 00:07:23,805
No, that was me. I wanted some
M&Ms and I forgot my purse.

179
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:28,109
Honey, a guy died, okay? There was
a stampede. It's very upsetting!

180
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,373
Yeah, I tell you what's upsetting,

181
00:07:29,379 --> 00:07:31,466
is you thought I was at the M&M store.
182
00:07:31,472 --> 00:07:34,280
All right. Well, just stay
away from that whole area.

183
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,816
What about Kinder Egg
Village? Can I go there?

184
00:07:36,822 --> 00:07:44,822
♪

185
00:07:44,828 --> 00:07:52,828
♪

186
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:56,438
♪

187
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,569
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

188
00:08:02,407 --> 00:08:03,807
- (SHE GASPS)
- (HE STRAINS)

189
00:08:04,524 --> 00:08:07,084
- (RIPPING AND UNZIPPING)
- (SHE GASPS AND SIGHS)

190
00:08:08,216 --> 00:08:11,016
(BOTH GRUNT)

191
00:08:11,022 --> 00:08:12,222
(SHE GASPS)

192
00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:15,638
(BOTH GRUNT)

193
00:08:15,644 --> 00:08:17,002
- Fuck! No!
- (HE PANTS)

194
00:08:17,008 --> 00:08:22,413
(BOTH PANTING AND GRUNTING)

195
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,703
(BOTH GRUNT AND MOAN)

196
00:08:25,709 --> 00:08:27,788
Aah!

197
00:08:27,794 --> 00:08:28,997
(SHE GASPS)

198
00:08:29,136 --> 00:08:30,469
(BOTH EXHALE DEEPLY)

199
00:08:30,925 --> 00:08:33,027
(BOTH PANT)

200
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:34,824
(HE GRUNTS)

201
00:08:34,830 --> 00:08:41,851
(HE BREATHES HEAVILY)

202
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,220
- Same time next week.
- See you then.

203
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,604
Goodbye, Douglas.

204
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,347
Don't say my name.

205
00:08:53,725 --> 00:09:01,725
♪

206
00:09:01,731 --> 00:09:04,636
♪

207
00:09:04,642 --> 00:09:12,116
♪

208
00:09:12,122 --> 00:09:14,031
Welcome to paradise!

209
00:09:14,037 --> 00:09:15,454
(HE LAUGHS)
210
00:09:16,429 --> 00:09:17,754
Wow!

211
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,683
(HE LAUGHS) Mwah!

212
00:09:20,345 --> 00:09:22,556
Through here we have
the, uh, kitchen garden.

213
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:26,946
Every vegetable you could ever
need... er, carrots, baby carrots,

214
00:09:26,952 --> 00:09:28,952
- purple carrots...
- Cool!

215
00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:33,785
And this is what sealed the deal
when we were viewing the place. Ha!

216
00:09:33,989 --> 00:09:36,215
- A sewer.
- No, man!

217
00:09:37,194 --> 00:09:39,803
It's a bunker! Ah!

218
00:09:41,359 --> 00:09:42,559
(HE SIGHS)

219
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:46,459
- You wanna get in?
- Oh, no. I try never to go in holes.

220
00:09:46,537 --> 00:09:48,856
Caves, holes, tubes...

221
00:09:48,862 --> 00:09:50,920
- Not really my scene.
- Well, you might wanna think about it,

222
00:09:50,926 --> 00:09:52,521
with the state of the world these days.
223
00:09:52,527 --> 00:09:56,534
I mean, if you have a family,
you really should have a bunker.

224
00:09:58,010 --> 00:09:59,296
It's something to consider.

225
00:09:59,302 --> 00:10:00,593
(SHE LAUGHS)

226
00:10:00,787 --> 00:10:02,486
We're not getting a bunker!

227
00:10:03,205 --> 00:10:05,384
(BABY GURGLES)

228
00:10:05,390 --> 00:10:08,012
So, do you have Daphne
strapped to you all the time?

229
00:10:08,018 --> 00:10:09,908
- Sure.
- How do you shower?

230
00:10:09,914 --> 00:10:11,299
Oh, I have a waterproof one.

231
00:10:11,305 --> 00:10:13,330
- (SHE LAUGHS)
- Huh?

232
00:10:13,585 --> 00:10:16,902
Dave's a very involved parent.
There's really not much for me to do,

233
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:19,108
outside of flopping out the odd tit.

234
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:23,231
(CHUCKLING) Hey, it is a
pleasure and a privilege.

235
00:10:23,237 --> 00:10:27,036
Oh, I love being a dad! It is the
highest high of all. Am I right?
236
00:10:27,042 --> 00:10:29,300
I dunno. I mean, I feel
like having kids is like

237
00:10:29,306 --> 00:10:31,318
strapping yourself to
a Formula 1 race car.

238
00:10:31,324 --> 00:10:32,591
You know, boom!

239
00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:34,794
Your life is over. But not in a bad way.

240
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,491
Yeah. You just have to take
everything you ever wanted

241
00:10:37,497 --> 00:10:40,824
and put it in a box,
because you never...

242
00:10:41,625 --> 00:10:43,625
But, yeah. It's great, you know?

243
00:10:45,105 --> 00:10:47,394
So, you think this could
become like a permanent move?

244
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,621
- Oh, yeah.
- No. Nn-nn.

245
00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:55,256
Well, I-I-I dunno. I-I-I dunno if
I want Daphne growing up in London.

246
00:10:55,262 --> 00:10:57,665
I mean, you slip on a banana peel
there, go to the emergency room,

247
00:10:57,671 --> 00:10:59,649
takes you six hours to get seen

248
00:10:59,655 --> 00:11:01,454
because of all the knife
victims lying around

249
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,251
bleeding out all over the floors.

250
00:11:03,257 --> 00:11:06,751
Everyone at this table, including
you, knows that's not true.

251
00:11:06,757 --> 00:11:09,447
I dunno. I mean, when I was attacked...

252
00:11:09,453 --> 00:11:11,013
- With juice.
- I...

253
00:11:11,019 --> 00:11:15,029
- with what we now know was juice...
- Well, we figured it out pretty fast.

254
00:11:15,035 --> 00:11:18,053
All right. Well,
outside I was screaming,

255
00:11:18,059 --> 00:11:21,839
but inside, I was just, like,
"Oh, right. Now this." You know?

256
00:11:21,845 --> 00:11:25,052
It's like there's this low-level
feeling of menace there that,

257
00:11:25,058 --> 00:11:27,753
you know, we've all gotten used
to, but that I never really noticed

258
00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:30,099
- before the attack.
- It was juice!

259
00:11:30,105 --> 00:11:32,987
Look, I don't care if
<i>my</i> face gets melted,

260
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:36,799
- you know? I'm married.
- Hang on. I... I care if your face gets melted.
261
00:11:36,805 --> 00:11:39,401
- I have to look at you.
- Well, no. All I'm saying is,

262
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:43,156
I care more if our kids'
faces get melted, you know?

263
00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:46,562
I don't want my kids' faces to
get melted. That's all I'm saying.

264
00:11:48,836 --> 00:11:50,745
Why'd you buy your baby a pony?

265
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,667
♪

266
00:11:53,673 --> 00:11:54,958
What...?

267
00:11:55,032 --> 00:12:00,474
So, Chris and the buxom ingénue
went away for the weekend.

268
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,367
Jeffrey chose to stay with
his friend Toby instead of me,

269
00:12:03,373 --> 00:12:05,565
- which I found devastating.
- Hm.

270
00:12:05,862 --> 00:12:08,058
So, that's something you've
got to look forward to

271
00:12:08,064 --> 00:12:10,923
when your kids get older, and
they throw you out in the rubbish,

272
00:12:10,929 --> 00:12:12,844
with the coffee grounds
and the fish heads.

273
00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:14,540
He'll come back to you.

274
00:12:14,618 --> 00:12:16,934
- It's probably just a phase, right?
- Yeah.

275
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,815
Anyway, got my volunteer work.

276
00:12:20,719 --> 00:12:22,065
Got my loom.

277
00:12:23,256 --> 00:12:25,362
Douglas is keeping me occupied...

278
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,976
texting me.

279
00:12:26,982 --> 00:12:29,764
Like an eager puppy since
we started our little game.

280
00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:34,639
- A puppy with a throbbing human penis.
- Ah, Jesus, Fran!

281
00:12:35,543 --> 00:12:37,672
It's all a bit Apple
Tree Yard, isn't it?

282
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:38,960
So?

283
00:12:39,856 --> 00:12:42,356
(EXHALES) The sex is, like... (GRUNTS)

284
00:12:42,851 --> 00:12:45,328
Everything about him, I
mean physically, is just...

285
00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:47,319
Even his scrotum's attractive.

286
00:12:47,325 --> 00:12:51,179
How can you say that? The
scrotum's a design flaw.

287
00:12:51,343 --> 00:12:54,546
You ask ten women what the worst
thing they saw in their life was,

288
00:12:54,748 --> 00:12:56,857
for eight of them it'll
be scrotum-related.

289
00:12:56,959 --> 00:12:59,851
Well, I like what I like.

290
00:12:59,935 --> 00:13:02,357
- I don't follow the herd.
- Right, girls, we like to talk!

291
00:13:02,363 --> 00:13:04,678
Green 12, squat jumps
the length of the cones.

292
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,787
Green 7, you can skip.

293
00:13:07,771 --> 00:13:08,975
All right?

294
00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:19,604
- Engage your core while you skip.
- What?

295
00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:21,184
Engage your core!

296
00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,200
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Flex it!

297
00:13:23,685 --> 00:13:25,593
- Tighten it!
- I am!

298
00:13:25,678 --> 00:13:28,381
- Fucking hell!
- Can you make it harder than that?

299
00:13:28,387 --> 00:13:31,105
- No!
- Okay. Green 12...

300
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,971
you can start skipping.
Green 7, burpees.

301
00:13:37,899 --> 00:13:39,099
(SHE GRUNTS)

302
00:13:39,188 --> 00:13:43,618
(SHE GRUNTS AND BREATHES HEAVILY)

303
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,008
What are you doing? Why
are you taking photos?

304
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:50,043
- For my Facebook page.
- Well, hang on. Just let me...

305
00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:55,475
(BREATHLESSLY) Okay.

306
00:13:55,481 --> 00:14:02,074
♪

307
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,666
Uh, his face was blurry
'cause he was on a moped,

308
00:14:04,672 --> 00:14:07,702
- and, you know, I had juice in my eyes.
- Right.

309
00:14:07,708 --> 00:14:10,781
And... and I don't wanna sound
bigoted, but he was brown.

310
00:14:10,787 --> 00:14:14,412
Um, Mediterranean brown,
not, like, Muslim brown.

311
00:14:14,506 --> 00:14:17,289
Um, I mean, I can't say
that he wasn't Muslim, but...
312
00:14:17,295 --> 00:14:19,737
I don't care. You know,
that's not my angle.

313
00:14:19,743 --> 00:14:23,438
Um, is there a statute of
limitations for a crime like this?

314
00:14:23,444 --> 00:14:25,839
Well, I'm more comfortable
calling it a prank.

315
00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:28,028
All right. Well, whatever
you wanna file it under.

316
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,844
Uh, I think I'm gonna
file it under juice.

317
00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:34,548
It was juice this time. I mean, I
think it could've been a rehearsal,

318
00:14:34,627 --> 00:14:36,652
uh, you know, pre-calculated.

319
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:39,753
I think it might've been a
rehearsal for a bigger plan.

320
00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:41,830
You know, they did that for 9/11.

321
00:14:41,836 --> 00:14:46,217
- Do you work in security?
- No. Pharmaceuticals.

322
00:14:47,941 --> 00:14:51,826
- (HE SLURPS)
- ♪

323
00:14:56,015 --> 00:14:57,349
Hey!

324
00:15:00,016 --> 00:15:01,222
What are you doing?

325
00:15:01,228 --> 00:15:03,305
I just saw one of those
guys from the house next door

326
00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:05,696
- that you were worried about.
- What guys?

327
00:15:05,702 --> 00:15:07,321
When was I worried about them?

328
00:15:07,327 --> 00:15:10,305
Don't you think there's something
up with them? I mean, who are they?

329
00:15:10,311 --> 00:15:13,198
It's a gang of guys living
together. They're not gay.

330
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:16,090
- How do you know they're not gay?
- I've never seen 'em do one gay thing!

331
00:15:16,096 --> 00:15:19,393
- Have you ever seen 'em kiss?
- Have they ever seen <i>us</i> kiss?

332
00:15:19,399 --> 00:15:22,192
Okay. Here's the thing.
They come and they go.

333
00:15:22,198 --> 00:15:24,736
They have that bright
fluorescent light on all the time.

334
00:15:24,742 --> 00:15:26,654
Okay. Tell me what do you
think they're doing in there?

335
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,836
I've narrowed it down to
two possibilities, okay?

336
00:15:28,842 --> 00:15:31,367
It's either a weed farm... house,

337
00:15:31,373 --> 00:15:33,342
or they're making weapons.

338
00:15:33,348 --> 00:15:37,567
Oh, my God! You need to stop this.

339
00:15:37,573 --> 00:15:40,358
We have to be vigilant.
I reported my attack today

340
00:15:40,364 --> 00:15:43,272
to the police, and they didn't
seem to take it seriously at all.

341
00:15:43,278 --> 00:15:45,068
- No shit.
- Yeah.

342
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:47,666
You know, we should think about
something like Dave's setup.

343
00:15:47,672 --> 00:15:50,963
I mean, obviously a bunker's
insane, but maybe a panic room.

344
00:15:50,969 --> 00:15:52,760
And, you know, n-not...
not a full panic room, but

345
00:15:52,766 --> 00:15:54,166
maybe some Kevlar curtains,

346
00:15:54,172 --> 00:15:56,869
- and a, you know, soundproofing.
- Oh, my God!

347
00:15:56,875 --> 00:15:59,929
- What?
- Jesus, that pisses me off!

348
00:16:00,911 --> 00:16:02,910
Look at the state of me!

349
00:16:03,099 --> 00:16:05,393
- You look fine!
- Oh, great.

350
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:08,778
Great. Now I can never trust
anything you say ever again.

351
00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:10,193
What the f...!

352
00:16:10,607 --> 00:16:12,915
What's a Baba Yaga?

353
00:16:12,921 --> 00:16:15,501
It's like a Russian folklore monster.

354
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:18,108
It's a thing that lives
in the woods and eats kids.

355
00:16:18,114 --> 00:16:19,506
Why are you reading about Baba Yaga?

356
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:22,910
I'm not. I'm reading a
comment under a picture of me.

357
00:16:23,407 --> 00:16:25,412
- Why am I purple?
- ♪

358
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,622
Someone put a purple filter on me.

359
00:16:27,996 --> 00:16:29,614
Ah, come on!

360
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:32,320
♪

361
00:16:32,824 --> 00:16:34,630
(THEY LAUGH)

362
00:16:34,636 --> 00:16:35,881
Hey, buddy, you're back!
363
00:16:35,887 --> 00:16:37,973
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Jeffrey.

364
00:16:38,449 --> 00:16:39,649
Yo.

365
00:16:39,655 --> 00:16:41,576
If you're hungry, there's
halloumi burgers here.

366
00:16:41,582 --> 00:16:44,996
No, thanks. I've eaten
my halloumi for the year.

367
00:16:46,029 --> 00:16:47,545
(CLEARS HIS THROAT) How was the show?

368
00:16:47,551 --> 00:16:50,569
My friend LaVar saw it tonight.
He said it was terrific.

369
00:16:50,936 --> 00:16:52,160
Really?

370
00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:54,047
Well, we had to use two understudies,

371
00:16:54,053 --> 00:16:56,445
and one of them improvised
the entire second act,

372
00:16:56,733 --> 00:17:00,037
and it tanked. So, who's
full of shit, you or LaVar?

373
00:17:00,043 --> 00:17:01,243
Jeffrey!

374
00:17:01,249 --> 00:17:02,449
(HE SCOFFS)

375
00:17:03,025 --> 00:17:04,225
I'm going to bed.
376
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:07,231
(MELLOW BACKGROUND MUSIC PLAYS)

377
00:17:16,130 --> 00:17:17,382
That was rude!

378
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,727
Look, I'm sorry things are... different.

379
00:17:20,733 --> 00:17:24,346
I'm sorry your mum and I
split up, but we were unhappy,

380
00:17:24,352 --> 00:17:26,356
and we didn't want
you to be around that.

381
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:29,152
I was fine. And you guys
might have been miserable,

382
00:17:29,158 --> 00:17:32,245
but at least you were miserable
in one place, our home.

383
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,128
Now you're just miserable in two places.

384
00:17:34,655 --> 00:17:35,864
I'm not miserable.

385
00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:39,168
Well, you will be, because there's
no way that <i>that</i> is gonna last.

386
00:17:39,174 --> 00:17:42,268
She'll get bored of having an
old-man boyfriend and leave you,

387
00:17:42,274 --> 00:17:44,877
and then you go running back to
Mum and she won't take you back,

388
00:17:44,883 --> 00:17:48,752
then the next thing you'll know,
you'll be 50, bald, and alone.
389
00:17:49,142 --> 00:17:52,221
I'm gonna be 50 in November.
How am I gonna go bald that fast?

390
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,237
Are you gonna hold me
down to shave my head?

391
00:17:54,243 --> 00:17:56,113
I mean, I know you're angry,
but I will press charges.

392
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:57,604
Don't you fucking think that I won't.

393
00:17:58,641 --> 00:18:01,164
(THEY LAUGH)

394
00:18:02,046 --> 00:18:03,356
Come here.

395
00:18:08,281 --> 00:18:15,995
♪

396
00:18:16,001 --> 00:18:18,266
I think, Green 10, if
for the rest of the day

397
00:18:18,272 --> 00:18:21,165
you wanna join beginners,
all right? Got a blue bib.

398
00:18:21,938 --> 00:18:24,180
I'm not a beginner at working out.

399
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:25,657
I'm gonna stay with my friend.

400
00:18:25,663 --> 00:18:27,867
Okay, but it's not about
killing yourself though.

401
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:31,085
Yeah, it's about doing your best,
working up a sweat, having fun.
402
00:18:31,171 --> 00:18:33,780
I'm not here to have fun.
I'm here to get rid of the fat

403
00:18:33,786 --> 00:18:37,157
around my organs, and I'm
not joining beginners, okay?

404
00:18:37,163 --> 00:18:40,211
- That's humiliating.
- You puked behind the tree earlier.

405
00:18:41,619 --> 00:18:43,737
Let's just see how you
get on at a lighter pace.

406
00:18:43,743 --> 00:18:46,042
All right, we don't want
you having a heart attack.

407
00:18:49,455 --> 00:18:50,841
Fuck this.

408
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:52,387
Seriously...

409
00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:58,184
fuck... this pretend-army
bullshit. Let's go, Fran.

410
00:18:58,190 --> 00:19:00,475
I've paid for a block of
classes, so I'll be staying.

411
00:19:01,885 --> 00:19:05,494
And you know what? You
can take down those photos

412
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,205
that you put up of me on your website,

413
00:19:07,211 --> 00:19:09,776
- because I did not agree to those.
- You posed for 'em.

414
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:13,781
Yeah, because I didn't know you'd
be using them to humiliate me, did I?

415
00:19:13,787 --> 00:19:15,070
Manipulating them, putting

416
00:19:15,076 --> 00:19:17,468
- joke filters on there!
- I didn't put filter on them.

417
00:19:17,474 --> 00:19:21,563
Well, somebody put some sort
of purple filter on there, okay?

418
00:19:21,569 --> 00:19:24,376
Like, "Ha, ha, ha. Look at this idiot,

419
00:19:24,382 --> 00:19:25,785
gettin' ready to have a heart attack!"

420
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:30,170
Look, I know this is tough, okay?
But that's what we're here for.

421
00:19:30,597 --> 00:19:31,890
You can do this.

422
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:35,804
Six weeks ago, Suzy was
in the same shape as you.

423
00:19:36,569 --> 00:19:37,976
Look at her now.

424
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,632
Will you take the photos down?

425
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,165
Will you at least disable comments?

426
00:19:52,305 --> 00:19:54,399
- ♪
- (SHE SIGHS)

427
00:19:54,405 --> 00:20:02,405
♪

428
00:20:02,411 --> 00:20:07,290
♪

429
00:20:07,296 --> 00:20:09,877
(BREATHES EMOTIONALLY)

430
00:20:09,883 --> 00:20:12,283
♪

431
00:20:12,289 --> 00:20:13,992
Called my mum yesterday.

432
00:20:13,998 --> 00:20:16,589
She told me two of my
aunties died of heart disease.

433
00:20:17,088 --> 00:20:19,993
Well, you're Irish, so, what
have you, like, 85 aunts?

434
00:20:19,999 --> 00:20:22,776
If only two of 'em died of
heart disease, it's pretty good.

435
00:20:22,782 --> 00:20:25,202
Yeah, but what about
my dad? He died young.

436
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:26,882
Well, honey, he... he was 70.

437
00:20:26,888 --> 00:20:29,702
That is... 70?! That's
nothing these days.

438
00:20:29,708 --> 00:20:31,921
It's like dying in your 40s.

439
00:20:31,927 --> 00:20:35,327
My parents had me in their 30s.
I had my dad all my adult life.

440
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,806
He knew his grand-kids, sort of.
441
00:20:37,812 --> 00:20:41,212
If I die in my 70s, my
kids will barely be 30.

442
00:20:41,218 --> 00:20:44,942
They won't have had kids.
No way, not millennials.

443
00:20:44,948 --> 00:20:46,666
They don't give a shit about anyone.

444
00:20:46,672 --> 00:20:48,540
(SCOFFS) Well, you
can't think like that.

445
00:20:48,546 --> 00:20:51,543
I mean, maybe Frankie'll get
a girl pregnant when he's 17.

446
00:20:52,237 --> 00:20:54,050
Well, that would be terrible.

447
00:20:54,056 --> 00:20:57,569
Would it? I mean, you'd get to
know your grand-kids longer, so...

448
00:20:57,967 --> 00:21:00,969
I'm just sayin', nobody
knows what's gonna happen.

449
00:21:00,975 --> 00:21:03,774
I just wanna live a
decent while. That's all.

450
00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:06,573
I don't want my heart to pack in.

451
00:21:06,579 --> 00:21:08,701
Your heart's not gonna pack in.

452
00:21:08,707 --> 00:21:11,185
And, if it does, I'll defibrillate you.

453
00:21:11,191 --> 00:21:13,006
It's not even a big deal these days.
454
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:14,800
Promise?

455
00:21:15,687 --> 00:21:16,887
(SHE CHUCKLES)

456
00:21:18,508 --> 00:21:20,513
- Okay. (SHE CHUCKLES)
- (HE COOS)

457
00:21:22,313 --> 00:21:25,010
Oh, shit! Fuck! I forgot!

458
00:21:25,704 --> 00:21:27,009
Got you somethin'.

459
00:21:30,176 --> 00:21:31,376
(SHE CHUCKLES)

460
00:21:31,382 --> 00:21:33,582
- Aww!
- I miss the neck brace.

461
00:21:34,456 --> 00:21:36,246
- Do you like it? Try it on!
- Yeah.

462
00:21:40,456 --> 00:21:42,309
(SHE LAUGHS) Take it off.

463
00:21:42,315 --> 00:21:45,419
(SHE CHUCKLES) Seriously, you
look like a fisherman simpleton.

464
00:21:45,425 --> 00:21:47,592
Oh! Ohh! (HE LAUGHS)

465
00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:50,413
I look like I'm gonna try and
sell you a home-made Mooncup

466
00:21:50,419 --> 00:21:52,809
- out of the back of my Subaru.
- (SHE LAUGHS)
467
00:21:52,815 --> 00:21:56,633
You look like a... you look
like a college poetry teacher

468
00:21:56,639 --> 00:21:58,735
who tells girls he invented
the "Me Too" hashtag.

469
00:21:58,741 --> 00:22:00,823
(BOTH LAUGH)

470
00:22:00,829 --> 00:22:04,024
I look like, um, one of
those Dutch guys, you know?

471
00:22:04,030 --> 00:22:06,439
- Who? Who?
- Who ride the thing.

472
00:22:06,727 --> 00:22:09,039
- No. Which... No.
- You know, they...

473
00:22:09,045 --> 00:22:13,006
Well, I can't think of the,
um... Anyway, it doesn't matter.

474
00:22:13,012 --> 00:22:14,212
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

475
00:22:14,218 --> 00:22:20,292
♪

476
00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:21,498
(HE FARTS)

477
00:22:24,502 --> 00:22:26,078
- That's the guy.
- What?

478
00:22:26,084 --> 00:22:28,074
- That's the guy who attacked me.
- What are you doin'?

479
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,064
Hey! Hey, asshole
480
00:22:30,070 --> 00:22:32,743
- who squirted juice in my face.
- Who you calling arsehole?

481
00:22:32,749 --> 00:22:34,830
I'm calling an asshole an asshole.

482
00:22:35,837 --> 00:22:38,253
- Whoa!
- You can't touch me. I'm 13.

483
00:22:38,743 --> 00:22:42,572
What? Really? Well,
you're pretty tall for 13.

484
00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:43,945
Maybe you should've thought of that

485
00:22:43,951 --> 00:22:45,850
before you did your
acidic-juice attack.

486
00:22:45,856 --> 00:22:48,671
What are you doing?
You're still on probation.

487
00:22:48,677 --> 00:22:51,572
- Plus they're children.
- Well, I realise that now.

488
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,801
- Uh, just gonna scare 'em.
- Wait...

489
00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:55,311
- (QUIETLY) Oh, fuck!
- You know...

490
00:22:55,317 --> 00:22:57,076
I dunno where the heck you get off...

491
00:22:57,082 --> 00:22:59,387
Yer! Oh! Oh! Oh!

492
00:22:59,393 --> 00:23:02,209
Oh, yeah. Yeah, good one!

493
00:23:02,215 --> 00:23:04,568
All right, well, guess what?
I'm not scared this time,

494
00:23:04,574 --> 00:23:07,853
because I know that it's...
What is that... pineapple juice?

495
00:23:07,859 --> 00:23:09,955
(HE SCOFFS) What, are you a baby?

496
00:23:10,062 --> 00:23:11,981
Why don't you drink an adult juice?

497
00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:14,375
- (THEY LAUGH)
- Yeah, whatever, man.

498
00:23:14,381 --> 00:23:15,581
♪

499
00:23:15,587 --> 00:23:16,787
Let's go.

500
00:23:22,293 --> 00:23:25,014
- Did you scare them?
- They'll remember me.

501
00:23:25,020 --> 00:23:30,020
- (MUSIC: CATASTROPHE THEME BY OLI JULIAN)
- Sync/Corrections <font color="#d61dfc">PetaG</font> - addic7ed.com -