PROPOSITION: Modern communication has negative effects to social relationships.

PROMPT: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Across the world, there has been an unprecedented accelerating trend in the advancements in
communication industry consequently receiving arguments from some people who are holding back
due to the detrimental effects on social relationship. In my opinion, despite the advantages brought
about by this modern communication, there are numerous inevitable negative effects which cannot
be set aside.

One disadvantage is that the real meaning of communication is deferred and that is to build and
strengthen social bonds. This is because, although improvements gave way to vast benefits like
having more convenient and cheaper way to talk to loved ones, more people undermine the real
essence of physical contact while interacting to people close to them leading to feelings of
inadequacies, being unloved and detached. For example, most people believe that condolences over
the phone is enough to convey their feelings to the affected family and make them feel better
somehow, but according to a report in CNN Chicago 2017 the affected family members appreciate
the people more who make way to go to the funeral and share physical contact with them like a
simple hug, hand shake and just being present even just for a while compared to those who had
long minutes of calls. Another is the misunderstanding that accompanies the use of these
applications and devices resulting to more chaos at work and between families and friends.

Admittedly, people utilizing the mobile phones, emails, skype and other communication aides cannot
fully grasp how the person on the other line truly feels. There can be instances where text messages
can be misinterpreted negatively such as being angry and sarcastic which in turn be acted upon
negatively too by the receiving end.

To conclude, the drawbacks of high technology communication are decreasing the social bonds and
uprising misunderstandings between family, friends and colleagues. Therefore, I am convinced that it
is better to communicate on a personal basis than to use mobile phones or computers and if given a
chance, people should make way to talk to each other personally.

TEACHER NOTES:

This output initially registered a Band 6.5 score. This is owing to the writer’s inability to counter two
opposing opinions, being the claim that modern communication is ‘more convenient’ and ‘cheaper,’
were not duly refuted. However, after having had the remark, the essay was successively graded a
Band 7. It can be probably explained that the remarking was brought about by the fact that the
writer’s opinions, when combined, already ‘outweighed’ the advantages of convenience and cheaper
costs of communicating.

This explains why the ‘outweigh’ is not encouraged. It may or may not work. To the writer, the
arguments of the opposing side may be outweighed. But to the examiner, it may not. So instead of
the ‘outweigh,’ it is highly advisable that the writer just use the ‘kill’ style instead. The writer should
show that the arguments of the opposing opinion are completely false, or illogical.