LIGHTNING-ROD MAN: Tall men in a thunder-storm I avoid.

Are you so grossly ignorant as not

to know, that the height of a six-footer is sufficient to discharge an electric cloud upon him? Are
not lonely Kentuckians, ploughing, smit in the unfinished furrow? Nay, if the six-footer stand by
running water, the cloud will sometimes select him as its conductor to that running water. Hark!
Sure, yon black pinnacle is split. Yes, a man is a good conductor. The lightning goes through
and through a man, but only peels a tree. But sir, you have kept me so long answering your
questions, that I have not yet come to business. Will you order one of my rods? Look at this
specimen one? See: it is of the best of copper. Copper's the best conductor. Your house is low;
but being upon the mountains, that lowness does not one whit depress it. You mountaineers are
most exposed. In mountainous countries the lightning-rod man should have most business.
Look at the specimen, sir. One rod will answer for a house so small as this. Look over these
recommendations. Only one rod, sir; cost, only twenty dollars. Hark! There go all the granite
Taconics and Hoosics dashed together like pebbles. By the sound, that must have struck
something. An elevation of five feet above the house, will protect twenty feet radius all about the
rod. Only twenty dollars, sir--a dollar a foot. Hark!--Dreadful!--Will you order? Will you buy? Shall
I put down your name? Think of being a heap of charred offal, like a haltered horse burnt in his
stall; and all in one flash!
Her chariot is an empty hazelnut from the finger of a lazy

Made by the joiner squirrel or old young girl.

grub, Her chariot is a hazelnut

70​Time out o' mind the fairies' shell. It was made by a

coachmakers. carpenter squirrel or an

And in this state she gallops night old grubworm; they’ve

by night made wagons for the

Through lovers' brains, and then fairies as long as anyone

they dream of love; can remember. In this

On courtiers' knees, that dream royal wagon, she rides

on curtsies straight; every night through the

O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight brains of lovers and

dream on fees; makes them dream about

75​O'er ladies' lips, who straight on love. She rides over

kisses dream, courtiers' knees, and they

Which oft the angry Mab with dream about curtsying.

blisters plagues, She rides over lawyers'

Because their breaths with fingers, and right away,

sweetmeats tainted are. they dream about their

Sometime she gallops o'er a fees. She rides over

courtier’s nose, ladies' lips, and they

And then dreams he of smelling immediately dream of

out a suit. kisses. Queen Mab often

80​And sometime comes she with puts blisters on their lips

a tithe-pig’s tail because their breath

Tickling a parson’s nose as he smells like candy, which

lies asleep, makes her mad.

Then he dreams of another Sometimes she rides over

benefice. a courtier’s lips, and he

Sometime she driveth o'er a dreams of making money

soldier’s neck, off of someone.

And then dreams he of cutting Sometimes she tickles a

foreign throats, priest’s nose with a

85​Of breaches, ambuscadoes, tithe-pigs​ tail, and he

Spanish blades, dreams of a large

Of healths five fathom deep, and donation. Sometimes she

then anon rides over a soldier’s

Drums in his ear, at which he neck, and he dreams of

starts and wakes, cutting the throats of

And being thus frighted swears a foreign enemies, of

prayer or two breaking down walls, of

And sleeps again. This is that ambushes, of Spanish

very Mab swords, and of enormous

90​That plaits the manes of horses cups of liquor. And then,

in the night drums beat in his ear and

he wakes up. He’s

 And bakes the elflocks in foul frightened, so he says a

sluttish hairs, couple of prayers and

Which once untangled, much goes back to sleep. She

misfortune bodes. is the same Mab who

This is the hag, when maids lie on tangles the hair in horses'

their backs, manes at night and

That presses them and learns makes the tangles hard in

them first to bear, the dirty hairs, which bring

95​Making them women of good bad luck if they’re

carriage. untangled. Mab is the old

This is she— hag who gives false sex

dreams to virgins and

teaches them how to hold

a lover and bear a child.

She’s the one—

Enter LAUNCE, leading a dog

LAUNCE

Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping;

all the kind of the Launces have this very fault. I
have received my proportion, like the prodigious
son, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial's
court. I think Crab, my dog, be the sourest-natured
dog that lives: my mother weeping, my father
wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat
wringing her hands, and all our house in a great
perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed
one tear: he is a stone, a very pebble stone, and
has no more pity in him than a dog: a Jew would have
wept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam,
having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my
parting. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it. This
shoe is my father: no, this left shoe is my father:
no, no, this left shoe is my mother: nay, that
cannot be so neither: yes, it is so, it is so, it
hath the worser sole. This shoe, with the hole in
it, is my mother, and this my father; a vengeance
on't! there 'tis: now, sit, this staff is my
sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily and
as small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid: I
am the dog: no, the dog is himself, and I am the
dog--Oh! the dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so,
so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing:
now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping:
now should I kiss my father; well, he weeps on. Now
come I to my mother: O, that she could speak now
like a wood woman! Well, I kiss her; why, there
'tis; here's my mother's breath up and down. Now
come I to my sister; mark the moan she makes. Now
the dog all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks a
word; but see how I lay the dust with my tears.