Managing Conflict Creatively

1. The Inevitability of Conflict in Relationships

The only persons who do not experience conflict are dead persons. There are many
reasons why conflicts arise between individuals.

A. Different backgrounds
B. Different training
C. Different orientation
D. Different ways of viewing things
E. Different temperaments
F. Different mind set
G. Different past experiences
H. Different sexes
I. Difficult persons to get along with

II. Conflict Defined

A conflict is “a situation in which two or more human beings desire goals which they
perceive as being attainable by one or the other but not by both.” McSwain, Treadwell,
Conflict Ministry in the Church, p. 25

A conflict is “a struggle over values and claims to scarce status, power and
resources, in which the aims of the opponents are to neutralize, injure or eliminate their
rivals.” Coser, The Functions of Social Conflict, p. 8

III. Typical Conflict Situations

A. Conflict over money

B. Conflict over child training

C. Conflict over in-laws

D. Conflict over positions

E.

1
IV. Getting Along with Those People No One can get Along With

Difficult types of people to get along with

A. Over-sensitive

B. Jealous

C. Competitive

D. Gossipy

E. Unforgiving

V. How to Handle the Difficult Types

A. Draw on your spiritual resources.

B. Wear them out with love and kindness.

C. Don’t judge the other persons too quickly or too harshly.

D. Be patient under pressure.

E. Try to see the other person’s point of view. Try to be understanding.

each one has his/her story.

F. Try to see the good in the problem. It will help to build your
character.

F. Take a long view of the situation.

G. Study and employ the best strategies of successful people.

H. Realize that all that annoys is but for a moment.

I. Be professional in all your dealings with colleagues, subordinates, or

supervisors.

J. Be mature even when others behave childishly.

K. Be supportive even when others let you down. Teamwork is essential

to success.

L. Don’t let others dictate your behavior by responding in kind.

2
 M. Be respectful even to the ill mannered.

N. Communicate. Many problems evaporate when we listen to the other

person.

O. Make the most of listening opportunities.

P. Be friendly even to the indifferent.

Q. Do not be afraid to confront but do it with love, kindness and

compassion.

R. Be ready to admit your mistakes and to forgive the mistakes of others.

VI Steps in Settling Conflicts

A. Admit that there is a conflict. Conflicts do not disappear by denying they

exist.
B. Identify who has the need. The person who is bothered by the issue is the one
who has the need.
C. Brainstorm to find as many possible solutions. Randomly jot down possible
solutions. Do not discuss them yet.
D. Discuss the possible solutions and pick the best one.
E. Follow through.
F. Reassess to see if the solution is working.
G. If the solution is not working, try another solution.

Don’t be afraid or reluctant to seek the help of your pastor or another trained
professional, if your own attempts to settle the conflict prove futile. Eph. 4:11 - 13
God has a deep and abiding interest in the happiness and success in our relationships..