Evolving Diet

A reflection, by Samantha Lavine

A diet is not something to “go on”; it is not a temporary condition or solution. One must change
their eating habits to experience true and lasting results for whatever dietary goals they set. So far in
my experience, I have had at least five major diet changes and I am sure that I will change more in the
future. I hope that sharing my experience will help others who may be feeling overwhelmed.

At sixteen I was a heavy, brooding, greasy outcast of a kid. I lived on candy bars, soda and
boxed mac'n'cheese. I was too out of shape for soccer, much to the shame of my Portuguese family, but
managed to squeeze into a marching band uniform. I had been working for a few years and was in the
habit of buying my own snacks. Before I got my driver's license, I would walk to the store, then I
bought a car. So I packed on more pounds even more quickly. That moment when you scream and cry
in rage, thrashing on your bed with your final attempt at wearing pants cutting off the circulation to
your legs? I get it. If you haven't experienced it, count your blessings.
So I made a decision. I joined color guard and got into a stretching and practice a routine, cut all
the junk food out of my diet and committed to walk for at least an hour every day. I stuck to my plan,
rain or shine for the whole summer. I felt great, my attitude improved, I was able to focus and I
dropped a lot of weight. So much weight that when I went back to school for my senior year, no one
but my closest friends recognized me. Suddenly people wanted to talk to me, and be nice to me. People
I had been going to school with since the first grade didn't recognize me. It was amazing, I had a very
distinct moment of clarity illuminating the harsh reality of judgment and mass perception. It gave me a
lesson in the way society works, and it soured me a bit.
I went about two hours away for college, for baking and pastry arts! I spent my weekends at
home with my boyfriend, partying. At eighteen, I moved in with the boyfriend and so things went for
some time until I got pregnant and dropped out. The pregnancy did not go to term, resulting in some
personal trauma and depression where I gained a lot of weight very quickly. The gain was a direct
result of becoming an alcoholic and eating whole pizzas, fast-food and other poisons. I was waking up
and craving a screwdriver with my morning cigarette by the time I realized I had a problem, I was a
train wreck.
By the time I was twenty-one, the alcohol had lead to the degeneration of my relationship and
stress from my jobs completely did me in. The relationship became more toxic very quickly, and one
day while in New Hampshire visiting friends, my boyfriend attacked me after we were horsing around.
I pushed him into the lake off of a dock and he scraped his leg on the way in. He ended up giving me a
hairline fracture in my arm. I had worked for seven years in a mom and pop restaurant; I started as a
dishwasher for 7.00/hr, got a raise when I learned how to use the register, became a line cook, learned
to waitress and had Friday nights to myself, started training new hires, helped with the construction of
an addition to the restaurant and when the minimum wage went up in Massachusetts, my raise did not
translate. I had a key to open the place, could cover anyone's position, and lived upstairs but one raise
in seven years, which went away when the minimum wage went up, was not sitting well with me.
So in April of 2007, I left everything and moved in with a friend, with whom I ended up having
three children and marrying. In the beginning of the relationship I reconnected with my spirituality and
started my new job as an office assistant for a dentist. My outlook on life began to improve. I became
active in my community and achieved some personal success, but I was still smoking, drinking and
eating fast food regularly.
At Twenty-one years of age, I became pregnant with my oldest child; I became responsible for
a life that was of, but not my own. It was an incredibly awakening experience; I quite drinking and
smoking immediately. When I came to terms with the pregnancy, everything about me and who I was
changed so profoundly that I can not communicate with words in a way which anyone whom has not
experienced such a shift in perception could fully understand. My sense of self completely reorganized
around the child growing inside me.
My mother insisted that we moved down to Florida with her so we could experience the birth of
the first grandchild with my family. The support was an amazing relief and I chose to educate myself,
though I kept the fast food addiction (sugar/fat/salt) and skirted around really learning about nutrition
for far too long. I enrolled in a university in June of 2008. The problem I had as a first time Mom,
being fully enabled by my family and partner was that I developed the mantra; if I crave it, my body
needs it. No one corrected me and I was ignorant so I completely threw the notion of moderation out
the window. I demanded cheeseburgers almost every day. Ice cream and cake and anything fried, but
don't you dare come at me with tuna or lunch meat! I was one of those moms, which is quite an
interesting revelation considering my current condition. Looking back, the lack of prenatal education
was pretty appalling. It wasn't until almost four years later in Oklahoma that a doctor warned me of the
dangers of sugar to a developing fetus and my own body. But that is a moot point now, all three of my
babies are healthy, no worries! The point is: when I became pregnant I weighed 175 pounds, the week
before I gave birth to my first daughter, I weighed 298 pounds!
As you can probably guess, that amount of weight on my 5'3” frame during July in Florida was
not very comfortable. So I purchased a yoga ball on sale at target for $9. I was in school online and an
avid player of World of Warcraft. So I was hanging out with my newborn all day just abouncin' on my
ball. She was either in my lap or eating in her own chair. That is how we lived for a year in
Massachusetts after making a hasty exit from Florida. My studies were bringing me closer to health,
and I was rejecting what I had been taught. I lost 80lbs that year first year (ok, 20 of that was baby).
That was a point in my life when I was also blessed with champions of Earth and Love for neighbors
upstairs. The wonderful couple introduced me to the glory of grocery co-ops, coconut-oil fried sweet
potatoes and home-brewed kombutcha. Just as I was beginning to garden and clean up my diet, the
bank showed up and told us that the duplex had been foreclosed. They were very surprised that there
were tenets in the property. I was happy for the minimalist & seasonal cooking preparation because our
forced move left us out in the woods, literally.
I didn't have to work hard to lose weight at that point, my entire day consisted of: find breakfast,
make breakfast, clean-up after breakfast, find lunch, make lunch, clean-up after lunch, find dinner,
make dinner, clean-up after dinner, pass out and wake up with the sun. Rinse, repeat. I was twenty-two
at the time, in college with an insatiable thirst for knowledge. I maintained 175lbs pretty solidly for two
years. When I was pregnant with my second daughter, we were without a vehicle in Oklahoma. I
walked a mile to and from work, five days a week for most of my pregnancy. I got to be about 200
pounds before my middle child was born. I lost the weight easily when we moved onto a homestead in
Virginia about six months later. I became a live-in caregiver for three boys with special dietary needs. I
learned how to substitute everything in cooking and baking! Gluten free? Sugar Free? Nut Free? Dairy
Free? No problem! We had chickens and goats, a huge garden and I worked as a waitress at the end of
the road during weekends. The restaurant bought their veggies and meat from a local farmers. The
pounds melted away, I shrank to 160 before my baby's first birthday.
For my third child, I got up to about 180lbs. I had seriously dialed back the sugar, had learned
some very good eating habits and exercised regularly. When my youngest daughter was born I was a
waitress in Alabama. As soon as she was born we left the state; our living conditions were horrible. We
made it back up to Virginia and experienced some stability and growth. My husband, the father of all
three of my girls, turned on us violently. We fled back to Alabama to live with my parents while the
divorce was processed. I began to drink regularly and heavily again. Never around the kids, mind you,
but I worked late as a bartender. I would drink a bottle of wine every night when I got home. My mom
and I made very rich meals; butter, cream, meat cheese, pastas and pastries. Even though I was going
to the gym four nights a week, I never lost the baby weight. I got up to 200lbs again before the divorce
was done.
 Then I moved in with my current partner when I was 28. He doesn't tolerate alcohol and I don't
tolerate smoking; we worked together to put down our bad habits. Nothing happened at first when I
quit drinking and swore off refined sugars. Then three months later, it just started to melt. I had to go to
the thrift store every other week because I had nothing to wear that fit me right. I lost about 50 pounds
over four months. During the third month, I was bit by a tick and contracted alpha-gel. The research is
ongoing for the condition. For me; my body violently rejects animal fat, unless it is inoculated with
bacteria as in yogurt and cheese. Apparently the condition has been temporary for many, but I have not
seen fit to test it for myself. I am happy for the condition; it gives me hope for the future. I am down to
130 pounds at the moment, but I have been pretty bad about eating fried potatoes lately. My lowest
weight so far in my adult life was at 125 pounds last summer. Now I stick to Michael Pollan's advice
and “eat real food, not too much, mostly veggies.” Eating in this way is good for my body and for my
environment. I teach my kids that if it has a commercial, it is probably poison. I practice Yoga each day,
and am able to work on my mental health now that my physical health has so drastically improved.