Once I was in San Francisco, walking along the Golden Gate Bridge when I saw this

guy on a bridge about to jump. I thought I would try to stall him long enough for
me to put the film in my camera

I said, "Don't jump! ..."

He said, "All my life people have been cruel to me. Nobody loves me."

I said, "The Elder Gods love you. Do you believe in the Elder Gods?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a Dagonist or Nyarlathotepian?"

He said, "A Dagonist."

I said, "Me, too! Revised New England Faith or Old Faith?"

He said, "Revised Faith."

I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"

He said, "Esoteric Order of Dagon."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Esoteric Order of Dagon or Southern Esoteric Order of
Dagon?"

He said, "Northern Esoteric Order of Dagon."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Esoteric Order of Dagon or Northern Liberal
Esoteric Order of Dagon?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Esoteric Order of Dagon."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Esoteric Order of Dagon or

Northern Conservative Reformed Esoteric Order of Dagon?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Esoteric Order of Dagon."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Esoteric Order of Dagon

Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Esoteric Order of Dagon
Eastern Region?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Esoteric Order of Dagon Great Lakes

Region."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Esoteric Order of Dagon

Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist
Esoteric Order of Dagon Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Esoteric Order of Dagon Great Lakes

Region Council of 1912."

I said, "DIE HERETIC!" And I pushed him over.

I never felt so refreshed.