How to transform the dialectic of the abstract thinking into a real, palpable, concrete

text. I can’t translate the timing and weight of my thoughts into words. There’s always
an idea lying in the back of my brain, talking to me, waiting to be worked within, to be
developed but when it came to turn them into a proper work I lose all my sense of
direction, and start to panic, while the idea slowly fades away. Maybe I lack the right
amount of theoretical reading and studying of the method of writing, maybe my
vocabulary isn’t good enough and I’m not literate enough, maybe in the end I wasn’t
made for this.

I spent too much time rambling with myself, and in these conversations, I always come
with a method and structure for my idealized work. So how in the hell I can’t make
them turn to life?

Every time that happens, and it happens a lot the thought of giving it all up takes over
me. But I must keep in mind that I’m not doing this only for myself, I need to make it
up for the life that my family give up because of me, the years and years of extra work
and the weekends without rest, the nights without sleep. I need to work harder to be
their proud. To be the person they think I am, and the person I wish I was.