“This version of HOME FREE! was first presented by Joseph Cino at the Caffé ino, New York City on August 23, 1964, It was directed by William Archibald with the following cast: LAWRENCE: Michael Warren Powell JOANNA: Maya Kenin ‘Sets and lighting by Me. Archibald; assistant co the director was Charles A. Golden. ‘A subsequent production was staged by Theater 1965 at the Cherry Lane ‘Theatre, New York City, on February 2, 1965, as part of their New Playwrights Series. Tt was directed by Marshall W. Mason with che following LAWRENCE: Michael Warren Powell JOANNA: Joanna Miles CHARACTERS LAWRENCE BROWN JOANNA BROWN Both are dark, attractive, about twenty-five or ewenty-six, SCENE ‘A small, cluctered room, where they eat and sleep. There may be a door to the kitchen, and there should be a frone door. The room is several lights up. Important furnishings include a bed with a brightly colored quilt, a desk lit- tered with paper, notebooks, etc. A candelabra, a music box. pethaps a dresser for Joanna. There isa Fertis wheel that Lawrence has made; a large, colorful, highly-decorated wheel chat turns and has (perhaps ten or twelve) seats that sowing as dhe wheel turns, all but co seats are on the wheel. A colorful box with decorated lid, che Surprise Box, where gifts ae placed. Peshaps a black- board somewhere, and stools or chairs for Edna and Claypone, two imaginary characters who shate the room. Joanna is about six months pregnant. 2. LANFORD WILSON: 21 SHowr PLays HOME FREE! At rise we see Lawrence in the room alone. He is tapping the wall with ‘the end of a coas hanger roger the atcenton of bis “audience” Claypone sand Edna, his students forthe moment. LAWRENCE Now, if you'll only pay attention! The Pleiades are called the Seven Sisters because they're grouped closely cogether and with the unaid- ced eye you can only sce seven of them. Actually there're about thirey stars in the whole cluster. Now you know that the universe is expanding; we discussed that—Bill, sie down and don’t chew your eraser—we discussed that last time. I know your name isn’t Billy, Claypone, but you're pretending to be Billy: can’t you jus sit till like good student? You're in ‘Astronomy 101. If Edna can sic quietly, so can you. Now. As the universe is expanding and all of our galaxy is rotating, within che galaxy che stars le speeds in various directions, I's part of the ‘expansion—Bdnal—theory that all stars are moving farther and farther from each other. But the Seven Sisters, although they seem to be perfecly sationary co us it has besa proved that they are shooting away from the center—moving apart, at an incredible speed—every one getting farther from the others, so in a million years we won't be able to tell chat they ever were a pare of the same cluster. They're shooting out this way! (Drawing; as with chalk, on the wall) And over here, and z00m—at about a hundred light-years a minute! Up and down and out and across— (Getting uncontrollably excited, he starts tracing their path around the room as if following an exploded skyrockes)—and bang! And pow! And, if we were there, Whiz2! Burn! Zing! Sssssstt Sssssstc! Zooommmm! Kachowovie! Wham! (Fe has knocked some papers off the desk. He suns Claypone, calming down) Fiey, did 1 scare you? Did F? Where's Edna? (His ejes focus under the desk across the room. Panting) You—come on back here, now. Come on, Sit down. You to0, Claypone. I's part of the lesson. I'm busy now. You do something. I don’t care; do anything, Don't bother me, (Fe wulks to the Ferris wheel, sing, looking at it surn= ing it gently. To himself) Nos no, if it went faster you wouldn't necd the seats because the gravity would throw you agains che bars either that or ic would throw you off altogether. Well, chat way is allright, coos i's just that it’s a differene ride alvogether. You'll have to experiment and see ‘which principle applies to this particular size model. Well it might mean the death ofa hundred thirty-seven human guinea pigs, but if i's for the Home Free! 3advancement of entertainment, what's a sacrifice? Iam an engineet, a sci- cotiss I can only make che models; you can either use them or disregard my advancements. (Te Claypone and Edna.) No, she went to the gro- cery—shell be back in a minute. No, you can’t go out and look for her. ‘They'd grab you and lock you in jail in a minute, Because you don't swatch for strect lights. You do not—every time— (He is getting nervous, {fightened) —you go out, you get almost hie with some car or truck and ic jus drives me erary trying to keep track of you. And besides you hate it oot there. You know hove you are! You male me so ashamed—seuttering! ‘And not taking to a person and wilting into some corner like a shade plant. No. She'll be back! She went to the grocery to get a few things! (Almost uncontrolled) And she ssid she'll be back and she will. You must say here. No, you stay too. You're not going ro leave me here alones you'd wilt into some comer and they'd come and take you off. (He forces himself down between the desk and bed, on the floor) She'll be tight back. ‘She promised. And we'll ook in the Surprise Box. She promised. You promised. She juse went out for a minute: and she'll be back like aways and tell us about the adventure, nov. (Pause, Music Sweety now.) You just sit now, like you were ata socal tea with ice eream and cake and pep- ermine frosting and litle sugar cookies with butter and almond flavor- ing. And litle sugar crystals on top that are red and blue and yellow and hice... « (There is raft bur voy urgent knock at the door) Shhhhhb! (Violently whispered to Glaypone and Edna) Be quit! (The knack is repeat~ ed a litle louder) Shh! JOANNA (From outside in a very urgent whisper) Quick, Lawrence, Its me. Quick; hurry. They're coming, LAWRENCE (Hurries to the door, looks toward Claypone and Edna) 1s ‘okay, it's her. Sit down now and act like you've just been waiting nicely. ‘Don't disappoint her. You jus si ther. I'm coming. JOANNA Hurry. LAWRENCE (To Clispone and Edna.) You be good. (He unlocks she deor. Joanna sips in and shuts it quickly. She stands just inside the doo, her back to the wall She locks the door quietly) JOANNA Shi! She saw me! (Still wbipering) She sw me coming in. She was right behind me. She's right outside, Shh! Listen! LAWRENCE | (As soon as she comes in he begins to whine. Over above) Where hae el They ee ort ev thy ean mmc badly nl control them. JOANNA Shhh! (Now Laurence listens ar he door toa.) LAWRENCE | (Quickly to Claypone and Edna.) Don’t say anything, JOANNA. She was right behind me.I think she's outside the door. Listen, LAWRENCE Did she see you? 4 Lavroap Watson: 21 SoRT PLAYS JOANNA. 1 don’t chink so. (Steps a moment; listens. In a normal voice, very ‘easual) No, its okay, now. LAWRENCE (Still ar she doo) Shhh Liscen! JOANNA (A ile winded) No, it’s okay now. Let me tell you! LAWRENCE [thought I heard something. JOANNA. No, she's gore now. Sic down and I'll tell you abou the adven- ture. (Sill not able to catch ber breath she lays ber hand against er prog- ‘nant belly) Oh, poor old Tiberius and Coriolanus. ‘They must wonder what I'm doing running upstairs. I'm sorry, Tiberius. I’m sorry, Coriolanus. My heare is ust beating away. LAWRENCE Shhh! You aren't listening, JOANNA No. Irs okay now. My hear is just pounding like crazy LAWRENCE (Over to Claypone and Fina), You vot JOANNA Am I curning blue? LAWRENCE (Still whispering) ‘That isn’t fait JOANNA Feel how i's pounding. I shouldn't have run up those stats but Pruneface was after me. LAWRENCE _ I'll el she baby JOANNA. (Digusted) No. Claypone st down, LAWRENCE They were just awful while you were out. They we rible, [told Edna I was just gonna spank her good! If she didn’t st ad behave JOANNA. (Ticking ff her bead scarf) Well, she's young yet. LAWRENCE. 1 sid when my sister gets back here she's just gonna spank you good and proper. JOANNA Obi (Big announcement) He knows! Mr. Fishface knows. He asked about you, I've decided he knows the whole thing. LAWRENCE He askod after me? JOANNA Oh, he's getting so smarty, Pd lke co just pinch him good. He said, “Where's your brother, Miss Brown?” And I said, “He isn’t my brother, he’s my husband; we're going to have a baby.” LAWRENCE. He said that? JOANNA Naturally I ied. Hell believe anyching: I sid, "He's my husband and he's in Bermuda just now and when he comes back he'll havea lovely dark tan.” So you have to geta tan. LAWRENCE No. JOANNA Well I'll think of something, Now. Sit down so ean ell you about the adventure. LAWRENCE Olay, Claypone sit chere, she’s going to tell us about the adventure. Edna, you stand there. And keep quiet! JOANNA. Edna has to leave the room. LAWRENCE Edna, you must leave the room. Yes, you must! Through the Home Free! 5kiehen and inzo the scullery and shut the door. And not a whimper out of you~ JOANNA (ln exactly the same voce.) —young miss! Go on this minute, (She looks at Edna a moment) Well, i LAWRENCE What? JOANNA No, I wouldn’t have said chat. You can't say chings that I wouldn’e have said when Twas alittle git, (She has started out reprovingly dur softens now) You might grow up to be different from me. You must ‘wear tall black stockings and a fong gray skire and a-wine-coloed apton and your hair will be combed straight back and pulled into a bun and clipped with— (She makes a sudden, violent attack) Yes, it will, I did! Instantly sweet again.) And clipped with a torcoise-shell bow. And you will sic with both your hands on your knees o¢ folded in your lp and you will noc think about what's betwecn little boys’ legs and you will speak when you're spoken to. (She watches her goto the kitchen) LAWRENCE She's lef JOANNA She's listening. She has her ear against che door, she aways docs, (Abruptly) Snoop! (Liens) She's yone now. You know where she gets that—from that busybody landlady, Pruneface. (She surveys Claypome and Lawrence and finds the situation satisfactory) Now. Actually, Lonly asked hher to leave because I have an announcement ro make. I will stand to— (Arse stare t0 vse she catcher her heart lightly, Her soice now is suprised serious) Oh, golly! (Sis) LAWRENCE (Over « bit). No, no, no announcements. You have to tell us about the adventuze. JOANNA No, wait, golly—I shoulda’ run, Well. This is LAWRENCE (To Claypond) She's going to tll us about the adventure. JOANNA I will deliver my announcement from a seated position, Claypone, I want you to pay particular attention because you're involved. LAWRENCE. don’t wane co hear any old— JOANNA On my way outside tothe grocery, this afternoon, Miss Pruncface ‘vas in the hallway and she made me stop— LAWRENCE (Over) What sly hing 0 sy doe know anybody by thar name at al JOANNA. (Without pause) And she said, “Mrs. Brown, I have told you before, you will have to move. You make too much noise asi is and— LAWRENCE | (Over.) She didn’e say any such thing. JOANNA. “And I'm afraid it will be impossible for you to live here after your baby is born.” LAWRENCE (Over a itl). She did not. (Both speak at once) 6 Lanronp Wutsow: 21 SHORT PLAYS JOANNA “And I'm afraid it will be impossible for you to live here with an infant. You know I told you that when you moved in here.” And I told you—and I told hee we would! did—you were not cither—I was thers, Told her we would be out next week! LAWRENCE - She didn't even say one word to you. She didn't say anything. Twent out. I was there. I went out after you did and she said we could stay here like we have been and we could stay on, she said as long as we ‘wanted tol JOANNA (Win) So there! LAWRENCE No. JOANNA She looks at me inthe hall and shakes her finger at me. LAWRENCE You told her a hundted times that we were moving a never says anything more. You say that every week. JOANNA. No. She looks at me and she says I can’t have the baby here— because chey don’t want the noise, Lawrence LAWRENCE Ic docsn’t matter what they want. (There isa fast exchange between them) JOANNA They don't want the mess. LAWRENCE We just won't talk to her, then, JOANNA No, shell hrow us out in the ere! LAWRENCE | ‘We won't answer the doot—Claypone, shut up! JOANNA (Almost panicked.) They're aiaid of the baby, don’t you know that? LAWRENCE Claypone's making noise! JOANNA They don’t want the pain! LAWRENCE We won't go! We're not going, If you're not going ro tll me about the adventure, I’m going co call Edna back into the room— Claypone go get Edna. JOANNA You sic right back down, LAWRENCE Wal, then, we're going to look in the Surprise Box—it's wonderful JOANNA No. No, you can't until ewo o'clock today. LAWRENCE No, come on— It’s especially lovely, I bet, today. JOANNA Not until after I tell you about the adventure, I have not cold LAWRENCE Vary well—fist ses going oll uv aboot the advent JOANNA To begin—there was a shadow across the doot downstairs. LAWRENCE |The sun is shining, JOANNA (She notices the interruption but goes on.) lt was all crooked because of the panels in the door, as usual; exely the same number of squares in the sidewalk from hereto the corner, LAWRENCE | (Quich)) Bighteen Home Free! 7JOANNA And—(Pause.Sharph,) 1 guess you jut don't want to hear about it do you? LAWRENCE (Meaning "Wha did I do?) What JOANNA (Continuing to lok sharply at in) The same number of parking meters from here to the corner. (Lawrence stars to speak up automatically er look snsemifes; be stops withous relly knowing why. When she is sats- fied he isnot going to interrupt she continues) Out of which eight were expired this moming, If you mast know, I was thinking about dhe Ferss ‘wheel most ofthe time Iwas out LAWRENCE _ Do you want co lookin the Surprise Box? JOANNA. I don’t think so; noe tilts time. Unless you want wo. It wasn’t ‘much of an adventure except for Mr. Fishice atthe market. The Skinner was watching me so T eouldn’r sip anything. I think he's catching on. ld Fishface, though, he said: “Ob, bow’s your brother, Miss Brown?” I said, “Ids Mrs. Brown, and he's not my brother as you are mistakenly refering to the gentleman whose company you've seen me i. That's Mr. Brown, and he's away in che Canary Islands tapping finches but we're capecting him shordy, Me. Fishace. Pl give him your best.” LAWRENCE Lie. JOANNA I sid tha. I did. LAWRENCE You didn't sy, “Me. Fishface.” JOANNA. T most cenainly did. LAWRENCE. Clayponec, she dida't. (The are beginning 0 laugh) JOANNA. I did, And [stid, “How's Mes, Fshfice?” LAWRENCE | (Laughing) You did not. JOANNA (Laughing) And all che licle tadpoles chat must be swimming sound at home. And all— LAWRENCE —And the pollywogs! And—(They degenerate into a gigeling ‘mes, filling all ver each eter and slapping at each oer. They fal onto the bed, giggling.) JOANNA “And the litle baby perch LAWRENCE And the whole Fishface family. (They ary to stop laughing, Joanna resto sit upon the bed) JOANNA Come on. Be serious. LAWRENCE | (Pulling her back down) No. JOANNA (Sitting up again) Yes—Go away, Claypone—sit down. (To Lawrence) | don't know why we keep him around, he's so stupid. (Ashe tries to pall her back down) Ob, don’t— ge dizzy today. You know I can't play much ata time. LAWRENCE Oh, you're always dizzy. Now let's ook inthe Surprise Box. JOANNA No, wait I forgot the mose important part! cat! (This is used to 8 LANFORD WILSON: 21 SHORT PLAYS draw bis attention away from the Surprise Box as she sips a fountain pen into it abit later) A yellow and gray and white and brown and— LAWRENCE Not brown. Lie! JOANNA Brown! With black ears—all spots—ran across from the market and under a parked car I called to her but she wouldn’t come. She only looked out fiom behind a tite and wouldn't come. LAWRENCE | How did you know it was a she-cat? JOANNA. Because she was fat and pregnant like me! No tomeat is going co have kittens LAWRENCE. Maybe you'll have kittens though! Spotted kietens! JOANNA. Oh! Wouldn't that be rare? Why how rare! But I know I won't. just couldn't. Nothing ever happens like that Seldom ever. LAWRENCE Or pups! You never know what can happen. (Joann slips the ‘ben into the bax.) Now let’s look in the Surprise Box. {The lid bumps sofily) Did you peck? You peeked! JOANNA Lie! I never did. (To Claypone) Tell hiral Now sce? LAWRENCE Okay. Ler’s look now. (hey walk to cither side of the bes.) JOANNA Okay. (They both clase thei ees) LAWRENCE Open it. (She does) JOANNA. Ie’s open. (Thay open their eyes) NAWRENCE A pen! Where did you find i? JOANNA Ihave no idea where it came from. Maybe you can use i to write your book. (Looking into the box with wonder.) Oh Ill bet someone has sure been busy. Another seat forthe Fersis wheel. (She sis tout gently) Oh, ie’ lovely. Ie’ so lovely. This isthe best one so far—it's so fragile! LAWRENCE. It's not too fragile, though, I don’s think. JOANNA Ob, no. Itjuselooks— LAWRENCE. Where do you suppose it came from? JOANNA. I'll bet I know. I'l bet Lawrence Brown made it while I was out. LAWRENCE, Do you suppose... JOANNA I certainly do suppose. Can I put it on? You can come over, Claypone, and watch. LAWRENCE (ods) Carefully. JOANNA. Wel, [won't break it. Ies my surprise, after all. (She sets it gently «the Ferris wheel) These Is tat all? Count them, Claypone. LAWRENCE One mote © go yet JOANNA. Then itl be totally finished, LAWRENCE _ Ill bec no one has anything a all like cis Ferris wheel. JOANNA After you gec just one more seat done— VAWRENCE And then we can get in it and ride like mad. (Joanna turning 1s very slow) Easy (Said softy to Joanna bus as she stars to frown at him Home Fret 9be adds quickly) Claypone, easy! Joanna automaticaly switches her frown 10 Claypone aed they both frown briefly at bio) JOANNA Clute, (To Lawrence) Why we have to harbor a forty-three-year- old imbecile LAWRENCE | (4s she Feris wheel turns) Up we go. JOANNA I don’t think i's For us to ride I think i’ forthe baby. LAWRENCE Wel, maybe all chree—or you two and Tl wen. JOANNA Its lovely. The lst sea isthe best I chink anyway. Technically. LAWRENCE I can make chs pen work. Ie’s 14 carat gokd JOANNA Where? LAWRENCE There. And Parker. There. JOANNA You can use it to write your book with. LAWRENCE Hey, wonderful, JOANNA What do you think we should call it, Lawrence? LAWRENCE We? I get ro name my book by my— JOANNA _ No. no. no. Not your old book. You're so stupid LAWRENCE Lie! JOANNA _Claypone, isn't he stupid? LAWRENCE Lie! JOANNA Lic! Lawrence, you're stupid. My bay: What will we name i? LAWRENCE Ourbaby. JOANNA Our baby. Whac will we call i LAWRENCE I thought we settled on something yesterday. Boy or gil? JOANNA [think gic. LAWRENCE | We'll name he-—Miss Brown. JOANNA (Starting to say no). Well, why now Perfect! LAWRENCE |The name will be perfece but I don’t suppose we can expect the baby to be. I don't se how Miss Brown can help being deformed a Tule, JOANNA Mmmm, Maybe no arms. LAWRENCE Very well: no arms. At least she won't go around breaking things. You should concentrate on no voice bex too. JOANNA [don't think that's nice. You hate children. What kind of father is tha? You have no business being father a all fyou hate children. LAWRENCE I don’t hate them. [hate the noise they make. JOANNA Claypone, what can you do-with a father who hates children? LAWRENCE Well, what's so unusual about that? Besides, I don’t hate them all. I dink I begin to Like them as soon as they're about fifeen years old JOANNA What do I do with her till chen? LAWRENCE 1 don’t know. Send her to camp! JOANNA (Delighted at the idea.) OF course, Send her to camp Lackawalla 10. Lanronp Wu.son: 21 SHonr PLavs Nursery, then Lackabellabella Camp and Miss Lackamannamanna's Home for Young Ladies. LAWRENCE | And well be home siding the Ferris wheel She's going co be no problem. (Puts his head to Joanna's somach) Are you going to be a problem, Miss Brown? What was thae? You're all muffled. She says no. JOANNA Well, she's diffrent. LAWRENCE | ‘Thac’s right,’ forgotten, JOANNA (Calling) You can come back now, Edna. Here, quick; kiss me. (They kis; she looks up as Edna enters) Oh, you weren't supposed to sce that. LAWRENCE We were discussing things you're not ald enough to under stand, young lady. When you grow up maybe we'll tll you. JOANNA "And maybe we won't. LAWRENCE. Now lets go. I want to go off to bed. Come on, JOANNA. No. Not now. LAWRENCE What kind of wife are you? Ie’s part of the common Lavi— you have to come when I tll you to. JOANNA ['m not your wife I'm your sister. LAWRENCE Wel, what kind of sister ate you? JOANNA. Only if Tm in agreement, and I don't fancy it. T want t0 at two ‘o'clock, And nothing will— LAWRENCE Shhh! Listen! I thought I heard something. Thae’s ewenty minutes, We ean start now. JOANNA No, we won't stare now. That in’ fat. Thote's no point in hav- ing a schedule if you don’t stick co it rligiously. LAWRENCE That's absurd. JOANNA Not at all. I have @ very simple timetable here I've worked out. 1'm quite mathematical, you know. LAWRENCE You are not mathematical at all. But I'll wait till ewo o'clock. ‘And we can take Colonel Polarfur with us. No, Edna, you slepe with him hase nighe. Wipe your nose! JOANNA Colonel Polarfuz. was with us when I got pregnant. Everytime you take the teddy bear I get pregnant. LAWRENCE That isn’c crue. He's been with us a hundred times and you Aaven’e gor pregnant but once. JOANNA Well, Iwill again. On top of Miss Brown. Or maybe Miss Brown will get pregnant, I'l have one and in three months Pl have another and the first thing you know I'll be turning them out like Volkswagens. Hsides, when { have Miss Brown we have to move away. JAWRENCE No, Joanna. You can’t have it if we have to move away. JOANNA _ Yes. Are we going to be good parents? LAWRENCE No. Home Free! 1JOANNA Yes, we are. LAWRENCE Olay. The perfee parents. We can even get married JOANNA Buc we have to move. The city isn’t any place to prepare a child anyway, She can’t grow up in the city— LAWRENCE —Hal Prepare— JOANNA _Whac's funny? What's funny, Edna? LAWRENCE You said “prepare.” (Yo Edna) She said *prepare.” ‘The city is no place to prepare a cil JOANNA Well, isn’t. LAWRENCE (Pretending to be a chef) To prepare one City Child, stew sofily in mother’s mill for ewo hours or until vender— JOANNA (Joining in.) Turning frequently. City Children are poached in milk. LAWRENCE And in che country— JOANNA The Country Child is simmered in butcer— LAWRENCE And onions! (Takes up a paper and pencil) JOANNA Chop owelve large red onions very fine— LAWRENCE | Thats too fast, let me writ it down. JOANNA Chop owelve large Bermuda onions—we'll send it to Good “Househesping. “Deat Cooking Edivor. This recipe has been in our family for nine centuries — LAWRENCE | Generations. For nine generations. JOANNA _—Grease lightly one Dutch oven. LAWRENCE | And there has to be vegetables — JOANNA (Quitting the game abruptly.) We have to move anyway. Lady Pruneface looks at me every time I pass her in the hall or on the sais. She looks at my bulging middle. LAWRENCE Wal, if you'd learn to hold your stomach in like I told you. JOANNA She's thinking when Miss Brown comes out—we go out. LAWRENCE | Maybe it won't be Miss Brown—maybe ill be kittens. With kitens she'd look the other way. JOANNA [sawa cat! LAWRENCE You told us. Honestly, sometimes you don’t have all your marbles. JOANNA | didn’ ell you, Edna, Besides I saw another one: a dead one. LAWRENCE Why dida't you get it? You should have brought it home free JOANNA _Icwas t00 dead, LAWRENCE What color? JOANNA [couldn't cel LAWRENCE Gray then, Maybe it won't be kittens. Maybe it'll be pups. Pups she'd look the other way. 12. Lanrono Wasson: 21 Storr PLays JOANNA Nota chance, Ie’ too rate. It seldom ever happens any more. You know that. LAWRENCE _ [t's almost ewo o'dlock. I can’t wait. JOANNA You've got to. Sit down and wait. I don't mind going back on my word in front of Claypone, but not Edna. We should be an example «0 her. Why don’t you work on your book? LAWRENCE _ I decided to illustrate it myself, JOANNA I didn'c realize you were talented. LAWRENCE I'm not, silly—but it’s going to be very, very modern. (To Edna) No, you can't! In color. (He gets pened and paper at bis desk and sits) Ie be about Miss Brown and getting los in the woodt. JOANNA. And you must describe the woods in every possible detail. Every leafand every bird. LAWRENCE | Very well. Don't bother me then, I'm going to write until ‘wo o'clock and then well go to bed. Now sit down. You too, Edna. And ‘Claypone. Sit there. Now! And don’t say a word. (Pause while he thinks Jodha sil) JOANNA. Don't chew your pene. LAWRENCE | Shhh! JOANNA Well, I'm not sitting here and watching you devour a perfectly ‘good pencil. Chew a cigar or something if you want to chew. LAWRENCE. Shhh! JOANNA (Pause. Helpful.) Would you care for a stick of gum? LAWRENCE — No thank you, Joanna. Jus sit there and be sill (Wishoue looking up) Edna, stop fidgeting, (Pause. He thinks and writes a few word Joanna becomes restles. Gets up and wanders to the Surprise Bax. She winds ‘the music box, he reacts. She stops. Then opens music box for one nore. He snors. She close it turns around, and studies him.) JOANNA A boy looked at me on the subway last night, (Pause. No reuction) He said “hello”! LAWRENCE When? (Pause. No reccion.) When? JOANNA I didn’esay anything, Hlooked che other way. Last night. LAWRENCE What'd he say? JOANNA He sid hello and I turned my hand so he could see I was martied and I looked the other way. LAWRENCE - Lie. You wene away with him, JOANNA. Lie, I looked the other way. (To Edna) I did too, young lady, you juse shuc your mouth or I'll wash it out with soap! (To Lawrence) 1 looked che other way and he got off the tain. Now go on writing. LAWRENCE What'd he look like? JOANNA I didn’t notice. LAWRENCE | What'd he look like?JOANNA I didn't notice, now go on writing, (Beat) He had blond cusly hhairand a very square jaw and a sweater with a big ted “R" on it. (Quickly to Edna) | did not, young lady, you shut up! LAWRENCE. Some college boy, theyll fice with matried women, it makes them feel bi JOANNA Wal, [ looked the other way and he got off the tain, Aren't you going ro write? LAWRENCE | can't do anything if you're going to talk all the time, You're just jealous because you don’t have anything to do. I'll do something else. JOANNA Lic! [ cerainly am not. LAWRENCE Well, I'l do something else anyway. Let's go to bed. JOANNA. Shhihh! (Listens) Not now. LAWRENCE | Whae? I'll move the clock up. JOANNA. That isn’t fiir. You're a cheat LAWRENCE You arc, Edina, leave the room! JOANNA I said I wouldn't. (To Edna.) You sic cight back down, young miss. You just do what I do. (To Lawrence) Edna and Claypone may read. (To them) You may read. I don’t care—anything. (To Lawrence) ‘And you and I will alk about moving. LAWRENCE [won't tall about any such thing! JOANNA We have to tak about it. We have to. She's right behind the door and besides Miss Brown will probably be blue! LAWRENCE _ Not blue. Shut up about blue. JOANNA _ IF was a blue baby she'll be a blue baby. Ie's simple heredity. LAWRENCE You were not a blue baby. You just make it up s0 you'll sound exceptional. JOANNA Mother said Iwas a blue baby and they sewed me back up and 1 am too exceptional LAWRENCE What does she know about it? JOANNA... Besides Ican fel the catgut. LAWRENCE I don’t want to hear about your pains and cargut. Honesly, sometimes you can rally be nauseating... Muumbling) Catgut. JOANNA I had another one. LAWRENCE 1 don’t want o hear about ic. JOANNA (Holding her shoulder) Ifelcic here. Fel. LAWRENCE ‘That shows what you know about it, Heart pains are ele in the bottom of the stomach. JOANNA Well, mine hurts me here, You know it does, You were scared LAWRENCE When was I? was not. You were faking and I knew i. JOANNA Lawrence Brown, you were so LAWRENCE. Josnna Brown, [was not. [ wasn't. You made i up; you di 14 Laxronp WiLsON: 21 SHonr PLavs JOANNA I dide'c LAWRENCE _ [ wasn't. You never had one of your pains! JOANNA. fel itall che time. LAWRENCE. [won't listen 10 you. have to write JOANNA (Louder) | feel itn my shoulder like someone pinching me! LAWRENCE (Louder) I wor’ listen to you. Ill sing! JOANNA (Louder) 11DO! I can feel ie vight nov! LAWRENCE | (Singing loudb:) My country tis of thee—swoet land of liber- ty! Of thee I sing! Land where!— JOANNA Okay! They are trying to read. You can at least be civil. I know its dificale for you, but ifyou wil only try. LAWRENCE You started it by faking. JOANNA Well, [ed LAWRENCE | (Sings two notes very loudly). Land where! JOANNA But Lwon't talk about it. Shhh! Listen, LAWRENCE Whar? JOANNA. Shh! She's gone. You won't learn, will you? LAWRENCE Wel, you started it by faking . . . you think you're so very exceptional JOANNA Well, Lam exceptional! LAWRENCE You are not! You're bu and tha’s not exceptional JOANNA Yoeshun upt LAWRENCE Turn blue for me. Jus once! JOANNA 1, Will. Noe! LAWRENCE You can't JOANNA. I could if wanted to. I wouldn't be inclined to for you. LAWRENCE (Pause) Are we really going to be turned out? Did she hon- evtly say no children? JOANNA. She only told usa dozen times. LAWRENCE Well, what docs she expect a young marred couple to do? JOANNA. We're not maried. LAWRENCE Well we told her we were, We'll ge a lawyer. JOANNA We can't, He'd guess. You know how lawyers are. They'd even take away Mis Brown. (To Edna) They can have you! LAWRENCE Held gues from your ees JOANNA. Certainly not! You'd tell him. You'd stammer and stutter and hel know. You always scutter when you tall to anyone but me! LAWRENCE I do not! JOANNA You stutter and stammer and just wile ito a comer like some shade plant, LAWIUNCE Sop. Home Free! 15JOANNA You jusccan't—{Whining)—cross the street—Oh, Tcan’e talk o anyone. Oh, that truck is going to hit mel LAWRENCE Don‘. JOANNA (Calmer) You akways embarrass me when you tall to the land ay. LAWRENGE Wel, I can't talk co Praneface, She's wrinkled. She has white hair, that’s the reason. (Joanna smiles and doeos'tspeae) Ics, coo! JOANNA. I didn’t say a word. 1 agree with you. I really do. (Pause) Me. ishface doesn’ have white hat and you stutter ¢o him! LAWRENCE He's gota fish— JOANNA | didn'thear you. LAWRENCE | He's gor— JOANNA I dido’e saya word. LAWRENCE I have to write. Why don't we go to bed and play? JOANNA I'm not in the mood. You'd steer. LAWRENCE Lie! That waa le! Tall het, Claypone JOANNA You're justa mess. LAWRENCE You are! You live in common aw JOANNA So do you LAWRENCE So do you! JOANNA [e's different with me. I'm a gis. (To Béna) We girls are very ‘exceptional LAWRENCE You live in common law. JOANNA I was.a blue baby! And besides, [havea pain. LAWRENCE Ill give you a pain. You always have a pain when you're in the wrong, Ill kiss ie and make i well. JOANNA Go away. I fees like pinching. Really. LAWRENCE You're faking. You wane attention because you're pregnant. JOANNA That's a perfec acceptable reason. Ast any woman—until the child is born any woman is a very, very special and wonderous thing. (Regally) As a matter of fact, I'm royalty. I'm a queen! (Simply.) T have blue blood, LAWRENCE A qucen! (Muse for tuo or three bars very faint) A queen! 1 should have recognize it. Queens are always pregnant with somebody or other. Prince Claypone! Fetch her the crown. Lady Edna, Lady Edna— ino the kitchen and supervise those wenches. Into the kitchen with you! JOANNA (Assuming he air of « graff queen) Bring me a pickled flamingo, Lady Edina! LAWRENCE | (Bringing a chair) Sit here on this throne. Up with your fect ‘on the ottoman JOANNA (Kicking aside the chair) Down with the Occomans! Behead every cone of them. Barbarians! I won't have them in the kingdom! Where's my filet of flamingo? Behead that girl LAWRENCE (With a guilt from the bed.) You must have a mantle. This robe, your pregnancy, was made by four hundred Hungarian virgins who went blind sewing seed peas. (Getting a candelabram.) And a scepcet! Is there anything ese, your pregnancy? (He tucks in the guile) JOANNA (Gruff) Careful with me, you fool. I'm with child! You're Jasling the aware king! LAWRENCE (Ziciied, Again singing, Loud) For unto us a child is given For unto us a son is born. And the govemnment shall be upon his shoul- dlrs! And his name shall bo— JOANNA. Silence! Silence that racket or off with your shoulders! LAWRENCE Oh, no. Not that. Not that, your pregnancy: Not my shoul- dle! Throw me in che briar patch, but not my shoulders! JOANNA (Sains). knight. Thee. (Pause) Sir Stutcett Ha! LAWRENCE That's not fair. You're a whore. (Takes auay quilt) You're hot a queen. Fetch your own file of flamingos. Edna—forgee the flamin- 05. She's nota queen, she's awhore. JOANNA Obi | aim not! LAWRENCE. I bet you are! JOANNA [bec lam not! LAWRENCE | I bet you go around trying to stir up some look in boys eyes, JOANNA Thee Ido not NAWRENCE Lie! JOANNA Lie! I do not. Only you. You know it’s true I couldn’e get away if wanted to. Besides, now Pm pregnant. LAWRENCE Td bold you in. (Moving behind her) I'd bite the nape of your neck and pull you back like a romeat. JOANNA (Playfily) Ouch! Ie tickles LAWRENCE Of course it tickles. Let's take a shower. JOANNA No. Oh, sometimes you're really vulgar. Sometimes you really shock us. LAWRENCE Shock you. Ido not. JOANNA You do, too. You do. LAWRENCE Let me feel the baby. (Reaches around her. To Edna) Do you wan co fee dhe baby? JOANNA (To Edna) No! No, you can't. You'd hit. I know you. LAWRENCE [think she's asleep. Joanna touches her shoulder) JOANNA Ouch, Lawrence! LAWRENCE. I'm not hurting. You don't suppose she's asleep. Hey, wake Lup, Miss Brown. God, you don’t suppose she's going to be lary, do you? dna, you knock over that Ferris wheel and I'l hit you good! Home Free! V7JOANNA Of course she's not going to be lary. LAWRENCE If there's anything I can’t tolerate ie’ laziness. Why doesn’t she kick or something? JOANNA Like ic when she takes thes ite cat naps— LAWRENCE Do you suppose she'll really be a whole iter of kittens? JOANNA —Lord knows she kicks me enough when she’s awake, (To dna) She's going to take after you, you little sadist. (Touches her shoul- der) Oh, golly LAWRENCE What's wrong? JOANNA Thad alittle pain is all. LAWRENCE Miss Brown kicked you! JOANNA In the shoulder. You don’t scem to realize that Mrs, Pruneface is just outside that door and she's going to kick us out onto the strct and I Ihave a pain, LAWRENCE Oh, that! (To Edna) Don't believe het. JOANNA You never believe anything I say. None of you. Well, you'l see. LAWRENCE | Hey. Come to bed with me now. JOANNA Iwill, I guess. you'll only be quiet. Its neatly ime. LAWRENCE | (Singing) 1’ nealy time, its neadly time. JOANNA And if you'll promise to tlk about moving away afterwards. LAWRENCE | Afterwards they lay on the soft grass and talked about moving away. JOANNA (Happy) I wish I wasn’t pinching, LAWRENCE Til teach you to pinch. JOANNA ‘The whole world pinches me! LAWRENCE (Singing) He's gor the whole world —berween his fingers and thumb, JOANNA You always sing when I say we'l LAWRENCE Ic makes me happy. Ike JOANNA That's all you know. Hop in bed. You're a funny rabbie LAWRENCE I'm a funny rabbi, (To Edna) Are you a fanny rabbi JOANNA Impossible rabbit. Hove an impossible rabbit. Oh, God! LAWRENCE What? JOANNA Wall, chink ofall dhe number of offspring rabbits have. LAWRENCE Wonderfl JOANNA That'll perfectly well for the buek—but I have to bear ll those scratchy little monsters. Fuzzy little monsters. LAWRENCE. You'll dic anghing! It sounds ll JOANNA Everything sounds like Fun to you. LAWRENCE Everything is. JOANNA How do you suppose a female rabbie keeps from giggling? I mean, think how furry a baby rabbits, goto bed! 18 Lanrorn Witson: 21 Shorr Pravs LAWRENCE They really are, you know. (To dna) OF course they are, Edna, And long tickly cas. Bue giggling isn’t bad. JOANNA Well, maybe noc—but ie eerainly would destroy the seriousness ofthe situation LAWRENCE You gigele beter than any sabbie anyway. JOANNA Oh, I never giggle. (Picks up music box) LAWRENCE Oh, you don’? JOANNA. Whar? LAWRENCE. You never giggle. You don’t, huh? (He starts advancing slowly toward ber) JOANNA No-o-o-a, LAWRENCE You don't giggle ever, huh? JOANNA Now you stay away. I can't play like that. (She is smiling) LAWRENCE Not even with someone playing the piano on your ribs? Get back, Claypone. JOANNA (Touching her shoulder) You stay away now. | dot't gigs. (They are laughing now) VAWRENCE "Edna? Did you hear wha she said? She said she doesn't snick- «t. Not even alittle, Whatta you think of that? JOANNA Now that isn’t true. (They are cieling the room) 1 didn’t say 1 don’t snicker. I said Tdon’e giggle. I snicker all the time. LAWRENCE You giggle too, Admit it, JOANNA. 1 snicker like a horse. I's diggusting the way I snicker. (She half” throws, balf lays the music box on a chair) Move back, now Edna, don't yout help him. (There isa ficale chase) LAWRENCE You're going to gigale, (He knocs the chair over.) JOANNA. Stay back, I sui (From the flor the music bax play.) TAWRENCE No, We're going co make you gigele, JOANNA No, you aren't LAWRENCE Iam, Claypone, head her off JOANNA Don't do it, Claypone. I'll eell Mother on you. LAWRENCE Mother's in heaven and Mother cant hear you. JOANNA Mother's in Hoboken and if I yell loud enough she'll hear moe. The whole duiling will hear me! LAWRENCE They'l hear you giggle when I catch you. JOANNA They won't! (She pulls owe a chair and runs bebind the table. Suieden stop. Scream. Joanna's expresion is one of terror and great pain. A avvence is sill playing. He thinks she is joking) LAWRENCE Everyone will hear you laugh your— JOANNA Get away. (She can’t speak further) VAWRENCE What's wrong? (She turns to him) Ob, come on! That's not Home Free! 19fait. ‘That isn’t fair. Edna, don’t believe her, she’s joking. She's pretend- ing. JOANNA (Starting » collapse) I's pinching me... LAWRENCE I don’t believe you. (Still be takes ber and starts t help her to the bed) JOANNA. Oh, rally, Lawrence, relly! LAWRENCE. don’e believe you. That's foolishness. I'm not going to get frightened again, iFtha’s what you're eying JOANNA Am I blue? LAWRENCE Really? You truly hurt? (He is getting scared and excited) Vl help you, don'e worry. I'll get you something, What do you want, Joanna? JOANNA A doctor. Oh, please LAWRENCE A doctor? They know everything, I'll get you a doctor. (But he stays by the bed) vil JOANNA _Lavrrence, go. Go on, hurry. LAWRENCE 1 will. I'll get you anything, Joanna. (Panicked) Tell me what fou want, rabbit. JOANNA. Downstairs and onthe comer—get mea doctor. LAWRENCE No, now I can't go out there, Joanna, you know I don't go cout here, you said I JOANNA Please, Lawence— LAWRENCE | —never had to go out there—now, I can’t do something — JOANNA. (Scream, bus the wind cuts away from ber voice) No. Go on, Lawrence. Look, it’s okay. I's okay. There's nothing out there that will bhuet you, i’s— LAWRENCE | (Lavrenc har gone tthe door) No, she’s out there—she's right on the other side of the door. I can‘ go out there. JOANNA Lawrence, it’s never been like this. Go on! LAWRENCE | (Crumpling as the door) No, [can’t I can't. Don't make me. ‘Don't make me. Please don’t make me. I can’t go out. They'll take me off. can’ go, don’t make me, Joanna, please don't. JOANNA (Over the above, coaxingh). Lawrence, look, baby, i's okay, baby, there's nobody out there who can hurt you, baby, Lawrence, for me, Please. Please. (Her strength fails) LAWRENCE Joanna? Say things to me, Joanna. (She loos at him) Joanna? JOANNA Please. (She takes ajar and knocks it violently against the wall, eal- ing) Miss Williams! Miss Williams! LAWRENCE NO! Don's call old Prunefice! I'll gee you a doctor, I really will, Joanna. Ie’ okay. Quick, quick, EDNA! Put on your coat; child, this is an emergency. (He runs and apens the doar just enough for Edna to 20. Lanvorn Witsow: 21 SHoRr Pays squeeze throwgh,) As fast as you can or shell die. There's a doctor's sign ‘over the drugstore on the corner. JOANNA No, Lawrence! You go. You go. YOU GO! LAWRENCE (Turning o her) 1es allright, She went for him. You have to bye patient. Can T get you something? You'd feel beter if you sat up and talked, I'l bet. (She bas tried to sit up. She falls back) Here, Pl st by you and hold your hand, (He takes her hand: i fal: ifeless and womoticed from bic) Now, don’t go to sleep, she'll be right back in no time. I told her to hutry. es after two o'clock already. I wish you'd sit up and—I know ‘what—I want to show you something. (Fe geis a seat for the Perris wheel fiown the table where he'd hidden it) IF there's something in the Surprise Vox. (He puts itn but isto excited 10 leave it there) Joanna, I bec there's something in the Surprise Box. (He opens ie) I wonder . .. Look. (He rings it over to her) See? | made two of them and this one is ... If | put it on che Fercis whee, will you sit up? If I tell you—you can put the last tone on . .. IF what if Ilook. (He sets it on the wheel) Joanna? Look 1c chat! Te’ al finished, Joanna. Are you going co sleep? Ie’ all finished — you're supposed to be the very frst one to turn it... Look, if lt you IFT eutned it for you then you—would you—then would you? Huh? ook, what... iT see? (He sums it slowly around) See Well, IF FT 1FL WT took—IF T went—let you take—if I got, then, would . |. IF then ‘would—yon weld... you CURTAIN Home Free! 21