10/17/2017 The mist of my own pretentious deeds – Isaiah Lustre – Medium

Isaiah Lustre Follow

Going through phases the best way I can and trying to do the right thing.
Jul 31 · 2 min read

The mist of my own pretentious deeds

I venture forth not knowing what may come

I’ve tried to be the best version of myself for people around me, tried to
please them and tried to impress, ive become someone so focused on a
person of interest and made him my world, committed to someone that
did not ask anything from me from the beginning.

As I sit on the bathroom oor, tears run down as I go back to the

previous years, as I think of the years to come, ive been stranded,
found, and stranded all over again, ive fought my way through, ive
fallen and stumbled, ive scraped bear skin, ive let blood run, ive
pointed ngers and blame, ive succeeded and triumphed, ive failed
miserably and drowned in self in icted demise, this world of mine,
wounded by what I thought was the core of it all, turns out to be
destined for not much but misery and despair, that is, if i let it.

Memories cloud judgement, thoughts swarm vision, I keep staring at

what I think what may come, I ignore what really is there to come, and
it has crushed me over and over again, yet I continue to look away and
walk backwards to my own self ruin. To love is to feel pain, to feel pain
is to be human, only the insane equate pain and su ering with success,
but insanity was never an enemy of mine, Ive stabbed my own heart in
hopes for a saviour, he came, but when his job was done, he left, and im
back in the mist of my false hopes, dreams and fantasies, I pretend, I
act, I lie, I wound, like a caged animal.

What may seem deep, is actually shallow, eyes lie, so do the mouth and
body, to trust is to gamble, to love is to go all in, however, we can
choose to believe lies, if we think its right. What we fear, is what we
conjured, same goes for what we fantasize, fear and fantasy come
together as two hearts join, to maintain this dance of hearts, requires
blood, but more importantly, requires connection. To connect with a
person, is di erent from just simply understanding them, to connect is
to share thoughts and ideas ultimately pain and fears.

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10/17/2017 The mist of my own pretentious deeds – Isaiah Lustre – Medium

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of

the womb

A relationship forged by choice is stronger than a relationship bonded

by blood.

I got myself in this, I will get myself out, may it be by pulling a trigger or
nding light in this mist.

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