To Absent Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three

pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room,
drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he
finished all three, he comes back to the bar and
orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You
know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste
better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman
replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in
Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that
we'd drink this way to remember the days we all
drank together. 'The bartender admits that this is a
nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman
becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the
same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three
pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One
day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other
regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he
comes back to the bar for the second round, the
bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief,
but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great
loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment,
then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh,
no, ' he says, 'Everyone is fine. I've just quit
drinking!
Drink 'Till She's Cute
A man stopped at his favorite watering
hole after a hard days work to relax. He
noticed a man next to him ordered a
shot and a beer. The man drank the
shot, chased it with the beer and then
looked into his shirt pocket. This
continued several times before the
man's curiosity got the best of him. He
leaned over to the guy and said,
"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice
your little ritual, why in the world do you
look into your shirt pocket every time
you drink your shot & beer"? The man
replied, "There's a picture of my wife in
there, and when she starts lookin' good,
I'm headin' home"!
School Question
Mother: "Why are you home
from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who
could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What
was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the eraser
at the principal?"
Mail
A man was in his yard mowing the grass
when his blonde neighbour came out of the
house and went straight to the mailbox. She
opened it then slammed it shut stormed
back in the house. A little later she came
out of her house again went to the mail box
and again opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went. As
the man was getting ready to edge the
lawn, she came out again, marched to the
mailbox, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her
actions the man asked her, "Is something
wrong?" To which she replied, "There
certainly is!" My stupid new computer keeps
saying, "You've Got Mail."