by

Discover The Key Elements Which Will

Help You Prepare For Marriage & Beyond
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 Introduction
Getting married is one of the most exciting times of your life – and also one of the scariest times too!
Everything from trying to find the perfect spouse to preparing for the wedding and beyond, the con-
cept of marriage is enough to make even the most confident person feel anxious!
So in this short guide, we’ve listed 10 ways in which you can prepare for married life right now – re-
gardless of whether you are still looking to get married, or you’ve found someone.

1. Get Pre-Marital Counselling

Pre-marital counselling is vital in ensuring you’re fully ready to make the commitment with the one
you have chosen – and more importantly, to discover whether or not they really ARE the one you
need!

2. Plan Your Marriage, NOT The Wedding

People often forget that marriage doesn’t start with the wedding – you need to begin with the END
in mind – where are you going in life? What do you want to achieve with your spouse? What provi-
sions have you made for the hereafter? These are the things that get ignored when someone is
about to get married, because people are too wrapped up in buying the perfect outfit, arranging the
perfect honeymoon and planning the big day. It’s the REST OF YOUR LIFE we are talking about – so
put some serious thought into it!

3. Step In To Your Role – RIGHT NOW

So many marriages fail because one or both partners fail to live up to the expectations that were set
out at the beginning of the marriage? What exactly IS expected of you when you enter the marriage
process? This is precisely why you need premarital counselling to iron out these details; because
once you enter marriage and you fail your expected role, arguments, separation and even divorce
can result. So don’t wait till you get married – start preparing NOW. Learn the skills you need for
your marriage – housekeeping, cooking, earning an income etc

4. Consult Your Family & Friends

Surprisingly, parents and other older adults who have marriage experience in your family could be a
great source of wisdom and help you understand how to enter marriage properly. Most families
don’t really talk about the expectations of marriage – other than telling women they need to ‘listen
to their husband’. Marriage is SO much more than that! Find someone in your close family and
friends who has a successfully and happy marriage and ask them their secret! Asking right questions
will give you the right answers!
5. Increase In Dua & Worship
You’re making the biggest decision of your life! Therefore you should ensure that you do your
isitkhara beforehand and ask Allah SWT to guide you through dua – even when all the signs are posi-
tive. Dua is the ONLY thing that can help you when you’re going through a tough time, and the only
thing that can help grant you ease – so therefore ask Allah for ease, and don’t forget to thank Allah
when things do go right!
Make this beautiful dua in sujood:
Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wathurriyyatina qurrata aAAyunin waijAAalna lilmuttaqeena
imaman
"Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the
grace) to lead the righteous."
(Surah Furqan v.74)

6. Consider The Big Questions

Talk about subjects that could affect the rest of your married life – no matter how uncomfortable
those questions are. Discuss children and their upbringing, family involvement and finances. It’s im-
portant to be thorough, because once you enter nikah, you both need to be in agreement for a
healthy marriage.

7. Enjoy Your Free Time

Here’s a universal truth – marriage almost certainly means you get very little time for your own fami-
ly (especially if you are a sister moving into your husband’s family) and as for friends...well, many
sadly become nothing more than a memory. It’s not deliberate, but it DOES happen – even with the
best of intentions. Before marriage, enjoy time with your loved ones and make them feel special.
You’ll miss those times once you get married – so make the most of it now before in-laws and kids
come along. Bringing joy to others will mean you have lots of people making dua for the success of
your marriage!

8. Cultivate Honesty From The Outset – But With Caution!

Certain things are difficult to mention when searching for a spouse, but when you are preparing to
make a lifetime commitment it’s essential to understand as much as you can about each other. This
doesn’t mean telling them about things they have no business of knowing such as your family se-
crets, whether you were in a haram relationship in the past etc. Certain things need to be kept to
yourself - your future spouse shouldn’t probe you whether you committed zina for example – once
you repent to Allah sincerely, it’s as if the sin had never occurred, so leave that be where it belongs –
in the past.
Do be honest though about what you expect from your marriage, whether you have serious bad
habits like a bad temper, drinking or gambling etc or whether you expect your spouse to take care of
your family. These are important questions that need to be addressed before hand.
9. Work On Your Bad Habits
No-one is perfect – not even you! It’s essential to work on your own flaws before you enter the mar-
riage process. Do you talk way too much? Learn to be mindful and speak with less frequency as this
is a characteristic not liked in a believer. Do you get mad quickly? Then work on learning and imple-
menting anger management strategies etc. Do you spend WAY too much time hanging around with
friends? Then limit yourself to seeing them once a week or less often. Are you a naturally negative
person? Then focus on practicing gratitude so you complain less often. Do you struggle with your five
daily prayers? Then work on fixing this.
Don’t forget that marriage is half of your deen – so concentrate on making yourself the BEST VER-
SION OF YOURSELF and bring the best of yourself to your relationship with your spouse.

10. Understand There Is NO ‘I’ In Team

So many marriages fail because of unreasonable expectations and demands placed on a spouse. ‘I
want a bigger house, better car, posh dress, nice shoes, career instead of kids’ etc etc – the list goes
on and on. It’s not about YOU. It’s about ‘US’, so get used to not having your way all the time. Mar-
riage is a compromise, and if you’ve got the mindset that your spouse must bend over backwards to
please you or you think you’re too good for your spouse, you’re not ready for marriage – period.
Work on changing yourself to become a better person and understand that marriage is teamwork.

So there you have it – 10 ways to help you prepare for married life. We pray that Allah SWT grants
you the best of spouses, and don’t forget to keep a lookout in your inbox for more tips and resources
to help you in your journey!

JazakAllah Khairan!

Pure Matrimony Team

 Recommendations When Choosing A Matrimonial Site

With literally dozens of new matrimonial services popping up daily, it’s hard to choose the right ser-
vice which is going to help maximise your safety. Sisters in particular are always vulnerable and
should never engage in conversations with a potential spouse without her family knowing – and cer-
tainly never without a wali.
We really cannot stress this enough! It’s about YOUR security, YOUR safety and YOUR respect! If you
don’t respect your own safety, then chances are the other person won’t either!
As a practicing Muslim looking to get married, which sites should you be looking for and which
should you avoid?
Here’s our top tips:
 Choose a matrimonial site which doesn’t display your photos publicly as this instantly puts you
at risk from bad characters and even stalkers!

 Keep away from sites where the majority of the people on the site are NOT practising. The
truth is, many of these sites tout themselves as being for Muslims, but are more like dating
sites. You only need to take one look at some of the pictures to see what we mean!

 Avoid sites which don’t keep an eye on conversations! The Prophet SAW said that when a man
and woman are alone, the third person is always shaytan (Bukhari), and this includes sites
where men and women are freely conversing with one another

 Choose a matrimonial service which monitors all discussions and interactions so there’s an ad-
ditional layer of security for the members

 Stay clear from sites which don’t allow you to include your wali into conversations, since this is
a BIG cause of problems long term. It’s not enough for your family to know you are looking to
get married and have registered with a site – your wali should absolutely be included in the
communications!

 Is the site taking an active interest in helping you achieve your religious duties? Are they help-
ing to educate you? If not, then ask yourself the TRUE value of the site. Marriage is not just
about the nikkah, it’s about STAYING together, avoiding haram and building a solid foundation
for future generations.

Choosing a matrimonial service should be straightforward process when you know what to look for
and more importantly what to avoid!
A site such as Pure Matrimony is perfect for practicing Muslims looking to get married in a safe, halal
way, and where security is the number one priority.
The Pure Matrimony website offers the following big benefits:
 Private profiles - Communication is encouraged based on Islamic values, personality and char-
acter rather than looks. You won’t catch any photos on Pure Matrimony until you have estab-
lished compatibility with a prospective spouse. This has the big advantage of preventing
‘window shopping’

 Wali Support - Your wali can be included in all correspondences with other members in real
time, so they are fully involved in the process if you want them to be. Apart from fulfilling an
Islamic right, having a wali can PREVENT you from becoming the victim of fraud online and is
an additional security layer for you

 Personality Matching – Our advanced personality matching system is based on the Myers-
Briggs personality matching test and helps you find people who are most compatible with you

 Enhanced Profile Moderation - Every profile is carefully checked to stop time wasters and
those looking for ‘fun’ or dating, so your imaan is never compromised

 Discussions are Monitored and moderated to ensure the safety of our members and also be-
cause the Prophet SAW forbid us to be in seclusion with members of the opposite gender.
Keeping discussions monitored means your safety isn’t compromised and you can search for a
spouse with confidence

 Shariah compliant - Endorsed by some of the largest Dawah organisations and most respected
Sheikhs in the West

 Measurable Success - On average, three couples a week find their Pure Match, and of these,
two people EVERY week go on to get married through Pure Matrimony

 Regular webinars and education is provided to our community on many marital and pre-
marital issues

Register today to find your Pure Match at: www.PureMatrimony.com and experience the Pure Mat-
rimony difference for yourself!

May Allah SWT help you find a righteous spouse ameen!

JazakAllah Khairan

The Pure Matrimony Team