CH, 908951191

HED320, spring 2012

Premarital Sex in My Christian Views

Growing up in a devoted Christian family was not a bad idea after all. I learned lots of

positive and negative insights that are applicable to my life. There are pros and cons that I can

learn and opens my perspective of how sexuality is different in two different environments.

Meanwhile, there was such a thing that bothered me when I moved to America couple of years

ago. I found it was very different than what they taught me back then about Premarital Sex. It

recalls my memory that I had a class at my church about sexuality that the Pastor told us to stay

pure until marriage. Years after years that doctrine kept ringing in my head. That was the

contradicting issue between America and Indonesia.

Premarital Sex was a restricted thing back in my old days in Indonesia. The culture has

shaped this kind of belief. I can say that Indonesia was very traditional during the nineties. They

have conservative ways of thinking. One of those is about sex before marriage. People believed

that sex before marriage was taboo and people who were having sex before marriage would be

excluded from the society. Even, they filtered the content of the theatres that includes kissing.

Because they think that kissing is another form of sexuality. We were planted by the doctrine

from school, family and church to keep our purity. In the beginning, I was fine with the doctrine

because I was naïve and I didn’t know any other culture beside Indonesian. This combined
Indonesian and Christian point of views has shaped me enough to think that sex before marriage

was restricted.

In terms of the Christian point of view, there are several verses from the bible to prove

that sex before marriage is wrong. "…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the

Lord, and the Lord for the body" (1 Corinthians 6:13). Verse 18 of this chapter goes on to say,

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins

sexually sins against his own body." Ephesians 5:3 says it most plainly, "But among you there

must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because

these are improper for God's holy people." These verses mean that we should give our body to

the Lord by keeping it pure. It means that by executing sex, our body is not pure anymore in

front of God’s eyes. Christian sees marriage is the holy ceremony and every element included in

the ceremony should be holy including our body. So that by having premarital marriage, we are

sinned and lost our holiness. Furthermore, God’s designed sex for reproduction only. It’s not for

“recreation” but for “re-creation”. That means, sex is allowed for couple who are married and

purposely to have children. This kind of Traditional Christian teachings is on the flipside from

what we used to believe in real world especially in America where people are more educated and

have more liberal thinking toward sex.

In the beginning, I used to learn that this kind of teaching was true because I was

surrounded with Conservative Christian people who are really strict with the bible. My parents

are very biblical Christian. So does my sister and all my cousins whom I always hung out with. I

didn’t see any other insights from my friends and families because they are all devoted Christian.

I believe that our way of thinking is built by the society and the result was the avoidance of
premarital sex caused by the teachings and society. Judgments will be thrown upon us if our

families and neighborhood know that we conducted in premarital sex.

Couple of years later, I moved to USA to pursue my degree. I attended a high school in

Palo Alto and I was surrounded by Americans who are known by their liberal thinking. This

premarital sex issues arises during the rest of my high school times. I found it surprising that my

beliefs didn’t work so well. I was surprised to see people started having sex with their partners

during their teenagers’ era. One embarrassing story occurred during my high school when one of

my American friends asked me about this issue. It is common for people in US to talk about sex

freely. Unlike in Indonesia, people think sex is sacred and must be highly regarded. I was

embarrassed in the middle of my friends because I never had sex with 4 of my ex-girlfriends

when I was in Indonesia. And they thought I was weird and stupid. They mocked at me

everything being a virgin. So my friends kept hooking me up with a girl so that I can get laid. At

that time I learned the truth that the society differences were really obvious and I was shocked

that my Christian doctrine couldn’t be applied here. Everything was so different culturally.

Since that time, I always believed that premarital marriage doctrines from my Christian

and cultural point of views are false. Furthermore, everything I have learned since my childhood

was also false. There are couples of reason to support my statement such as; I live in America

now in which most people do premarital sex. Even according to the statistics of Christian studies,

one in three Christians engaged in premarital sex. And I also believed that people in America are

more responsible with their life so that they can engage safe sex during their relationship. It can

be shown from the numerous counseling, seminars, and classes that provide the procedures and

support for safe sex education. On the other hand, while I was in Indonesia, regarding the lack of
education, support and seminars people are afraid to engage in sex because the fear of unwanted

pregnancies and some society issues that can harm people who want to do sex before marriage.

During my stay in America these past 6 years, I don’t feel anything wrong with

premarital marriage. It is only the matter about how to be responsible to proceed. My only

reaction facing this difference is satisfaction because I can see how religion and society can

obstruct people’s mind to do things like sex. As a Christian, I understand that we need to keep

the purity until marriage because we want to please God too. Not just ourselves. But society is

changing that we need to open new perspective to see things that we don’t see before. I also

believe that nothing is wrong to keep the purity until the marriage and nothing wrong to do sex

before married. It also goes back to their judgments’. One thing that I believe is wrong if we

precede sex with another people after we got married.

The false teaching that I received back in my country harmed me in minor ways. I can

realize after I moved to America that I realized that people mocked me for being a virgin and

weird. But after I realized everything and adapted myself to the society by preceding safe sex, I

believe everything is fine. I believe it is fun for the relationship because sex is like spices to

sweeten up the taste. Furthermore, I think that more educated people believe that sex is nothing

but something casual to start the relationship or to prepare the relationship into the marriage

stage. This will replace the old-conservative-style of thinking.

It is hard to argue the truth about premarital sex because every person has different point

of views. For me personally, I experienced in both conservative and liberal worlds which consist

of totally different people. Some people think it’s false and some people think it’s true. It’s about

the matter of our judgments and beliefs. Some Christian believers are really strict with their
beliefs and teachings that they have to follow every word that appear on the bible. For me, it is

hard because we are human beings that are also filled with passion and desire. A lot of times we

cannot limit our desire. The similar thing, masturbation considered wrong according to the bible.

But, on the other side, it’s almost impossible to find people who never masturbate. It is the same

thing happened with premarital sex. It goes back to the person how he/she percept the issue. At

last, I believe what I learned from my society, families, friends, and a church in Indonesia is false

by relating the current American society. It is such a contradicting issue between the society in

Indonesia and America.