Accessing Self

It can be difficult for clients

to truly be in Self with
respect to firefighters,
because they are often so
destructive and hard to
communicate with. This
makes it hard to believe that
they have a positive intent,
that they are trying to
protect and help the client.
Remember that firefighters
are doing what they think is
crucial to protect a client
from intolerable pain.

First you must make sure

that you are in Self with
respect to a firefighter. You
must be truly interested in
getting to know the part
from its own perspective
rather than just trying to get
past it to the exile
underneath. Remember that
the firefighter is really trying
to help the client, even
though that may be difficult
to imagine, given how much
havoc it is causing. If you
have parts that dislike a
firefighter or parts that want
to brush it aside, ask them
to relax so you can really
welcome the firefighter and
get to know it. Once you are
in Self, then help the client
to get into Self, too. This
may require some education
about firefighters, explaining
to the client that they really
are parts, not just body
reactions, and that they are
actually trying to protect the
client from pain that is
arising. You will often need
to work with the parts of the
client that hate the
firefighter and want to get
rid of it. I call these
"concerned parts[ 13]"
because they have concerns
about the firefighter. Make
sure to validate concerned
parts before asking them to
step aside. It is completely
understandable that a client
would have parts that feel
negatively toward a
firefighter, given how
destructive most firefighters
are. So acknowledge these
part's concerns, and then
have the client ask them to
step aside so he or she can
get to know the firefighter
from an open place. This
way the client can discover
the positive intent of the
firefighter, and develop a
trusting relationship with it,
which is an important step in
the overall therapeutic
process. Remember that
there is a lot to be gained by
getting to know troublesome
firefighters. They often
engage in behavior that
causes serious
consequences in our client's
lives, and our client's needs
to be connected to them to
help them change. Don't just
try to get past them.
Genuinely take some time to
focus on a firefighter and
understand it, and especially
to help the client develop a
trusting relationship with it.
This work is just as
important as witnessing and
healing an exile. Firefighters
respond especially to hope.
Once you understand why a
firefighter performs its role,
it can helpful to ask a
question about a possible
new role for the part. Have
the client ask, "If we could
heal that exile you are
protecting, would you still
need to perform your role?"
"If you didn't have to do this
role, what would you prefer
to do?" This often gives the
firefighter hope that it can
let go of a role it feels stuck
in. And it provides an
inducement for the
firefighter to give permission
for you to work with the exile
it is protecting.