FEMININE AND MASCULINE

Exploring the definition of feminine and masculine means walking in an uncertain territory.

Every attempt to define them is like groping in the dark.

And the notions that burst into our mind now and then seem to us as vague as the edges of a scarcely-
lighted object. In this undefined horizon, the only thing it may seem possible to observe is that
feminine and masculine are two opposite systems involved in an endless conflict. They both have their
own different way to see the world, they have contrasting aspirations and outlooks on life, though
they share an unending mutual attraction. The way they constantly prevail on the other makes
communication difficult - if not even impossible -, but the more they are incompatible, the more they
are attracted to one another.

As a matter of fact, the relationship between a man and a woman is characterized by a continuous
effort not to fall apart, while the exchange of emotions they both yearn for remains impossible.

On the one hand, there is the feminine universe, inside of which everything is compact and uniform.

The masculine world, on the other hand, is the epitome of the need to dominate and to own, where
facts and figures are the only thing that counts.

However, that same struggle for possession is what allows us the most to comprehend the feminine
experience, since it is a central element in the life of every woman. No woman has never suffered for
not being able to completely own the man she loves, a man who is never going to be entirely hers.

In the same way, the words “my son” are an echo of the privilege of being a woman. I love the sound
of the word “mine” because it gives me the feeling of an intimacy that goes beyond the notions of
time and space, an intimacy that is never going to leave me, an intimacy made to last forever.

The strike for ownership is connected to the idea of “always”, something that lasts time and space-
wise. It’s the desire for the absolute and infinite, the desire for fidelity, dedication, and constancy.

My body is the author and main character of my life. It is my responsibility to accept its rhythms,
deadlines, and requests. The more I will be able to listen to my body, the more I will be one. Friend of
myself. Woman.

Every one of us is man and woman, woman and man.

But what exactly is feminine? Perhaps it’s how our body behaves and the way our mind reflects and
accompanies it.

A cyclic process of crumbling and recomposing, a willingness to wait and accept, a creative potential,
something that gives us life through separation.

Or else, is it the staging of an everlasting drama? Dying for the other, giving ourselves without wanting
anything back.

Feeling hostage of whoever enters or exits our body.

Having to be accountable for our actions to whoever is close to us. But a woman is always too close to
herself and to her duty as a mother, as a daughter, as a wife. The impossibility of only being ourselves.
The staging of an everlasting drama.

The first attempt to define feminine and masculine is a geometric definition: convex for masculine,
concave for feminine.
What is the meaning of the seemingly identical sentences “he is my man” and “she is my woman”?
“My man” might represent he who shares my space, he who I housed into my space - mind and body -
and I now feel like he belongs to me.

He cannot be at the same time in me and somewhere else. This idea of entering and sharing my space
corresponds with his leaving traces of himself through his sperm. His way of giving himself.

My man, in the end, is the one who makes my desire for possession come into reality.

Of course this desire for possession is not an exclusive trait of the feminine. It inhabits both sexes, but
it also reflects two different worlds.

In a man, owning means to dominate. In a woman, it means a need to be a whole, to create a couple.
The element that completes a woman’s desire for possession is her being passionate.

This element can be spotted in those everyday actions to ensure that everything is in its place, that
nothing is missing, that everyone is comfortable. This generous providing for everything and everyone
hides, however, a fatal danger, since her being passionate is there to only feed the other, never herself.

When we enquire what a man means by “my woman” we are unable to find a definition and we have
to consider that the main element that characterizes a man is his ability to be himself on his own,
using rational thinking to establish what he needs and how much he needs it.

This consideration, however, is simplistic and does not intend to diminish the component of passion in
a man, a passion that just seems to aim towards himself and his needs.

The difference between passion in men and women is easily recognizable in the sexual act, in which
the man tends to focus on himself to get to the woman, while the woman tends to accommodate the
other in order to be herself.

Two diametrically opposed systems. Does he have any doubts about the beauty of his body?

Never. Or hardly ever, and usually only during puberty. On the contrary, for a woman being beautiful is
a “duty” and a necessity.

A duty that creates drama.

Exercising attractions wears out the one who attracts, not the one who is attracted.

But what is this need for beauty? Maybe is the response to the patriarchal culture that imposes on
women the obligation to be seductive or, at least, good looking, and denies them the freedom of
growing old. Or perhaps it’s an aggression that women perpetrate on themselves - echoing the
brutality of the man’s aggression they have endured throughout history - in which they relegate their
value to the appearance of their body, the only merit they had for centuries. Maybe even an
automatic reflex generated by the awareness that what makes a man is his being vulnerable to
women’s solicitation.

Perhaps masculinity is not as exasperated by the element of time because for a man, in each season of
his life, desire and encounter gets confused until the encounter begins and ends with the desire. On
the other hand a woman dreams of sharing. She longs for being chosen for who she is and accepted in
her entirety.

Man and woman: both part of the other, since feminine and masculine coexist in their genetic assets.
They coexist to the point where one sex can identify itself with the other. So different in their bodies
and minds, yet so desperate for connection and harmony.
“I love you” is the expression of the most ancient need: you make me feel alive, with you I feel good, I
feel alive, I can enjoy who I am. Therefore I love you. Actually, I should say: I love myself through you,
through you I feel good. I love myself.

Source: Femminile e maschile - Sandra Facchinet