I know a lot of teens like Lisa who are rarely satisfied with their grades and feel

pressure from their teachers and parents to be perfect. But I’ve done fine in school
with no burning desire to be the best. Most of my friends also get grades in the 80s
and work hard like I do. We don’t fall apart if we don’t get the best grade on a test or
assignment. But, in my school, we’re a minority.

I value my free time to do things I love, like reading and writing. I try to keep a
balance between work and fun. I don’t like to be constantly busy—I need to do
nothing sometimes.

I identified these priorities in middle school, and they keep me sane and calm. I don’t
do well under stress. Fortunately, my parents, teachers, and other adults respected
these priorities and didn’t try to change them.

Losing Myself

But that all started to change in my junior year. The work piled on and I became
overwhelmed. I had to study for hours for the SATs and ACTs, continue to study for
tests for my classes and Regents, get in extracurriculars for my college résumé, stay
after school for tutoring, and come in on weekends for mandatory extra help and test
prep. I felt like if I stopped even
for a second, my grades would plummet. I was terrified of that
happening.

My teachers constantly reinforced how important junior year was and how much
colleges would be looking at it, which placed a bigger weight on me. School was
taking over my life.

I felt like I was losing my happy, free self. I couldn’t do the things I love most, like
hanging out with my friends, writing, reading, taking walks, or just doing nothing. My
friendships became weaker. I started having chronic migraines, and I dreaded going to
school. Rather than improving, my grades were getting worse because I was too
stressed to focus well. I also felt depressed and unmotivated. Suddenly, my teachers
were saying, “There’s room for improvement,” although in the past, my best had been
good enough for them.

Breaking Point

There was a particular class that put the situation into focus for me. I was in computer
science, and we only had a few minutes left to submit our project. My group and I
were racing to complete it. If it was a minute late, we would lose credit. Something
wasn’t working in the code that we had written and I grew frustrated as the clock
ticked.

“Forget it! Let’s just send what we have.” And I hit send.

We went back to our seats and all I could think about was how it was incomplete, and
then I suddenly realized what the problem was in the code. Too Much Pressure

A few weeks later, I was in Mandarin class when I started feeling dizzy. I felt
aggravated by the chatter of my peers as the teacher tried to talk. A migraine was
starting to set in and I couldn’t think clearly.

I asked to go to the office to call my mom. My teacher nodded; I walked out and
down the empty hallway. I felt myself breathing heavily and I couldn’t steady my
racing thoughts.

I walked through the doors and down the stairs. I got to the first floor and pushed open
the doors that led outside. The New York City air blew in my face, whipping my hair
back as I skipped down the steps. I pulled out my phone and called my mom.

“Ma? I left school….I just couldn’t be there anymore,” I said. I met up with my mom
at her job. She asked me what was wrong but I couldn’t fully explain because I felt
like she wouldn’t understand. Also I wasn’t in the mood to talk.

We went on a walk to a small park that overlooked the East River. It was quiet; only a
couple of people were around. I went up to the railing and I watched the water push
against the rocks. Small boats sailed past. I started breathing easier. I had had a mini
panic attack; I knew it was from the pressure at school.

Later I called my sister, who was in her junior year of college, and asked her for help.
She said she was going through something similar. “It may seem like the end of the
world with all the stress, but you have to push through it. Don’t let it get to you
because it’s almost over. You’re a smart girl, you can do it.” Talking to her helped
me. I knew school would be over in a few weeks, and then I could go back to my old
life.

Reflecting

I recently read an article in The New York Times called “Campus Suicide and the
Pressure of Perfection.” It was about how young people are expected to be “
‘effortlessly perfect’: smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful, and popular, all without
visible effort.”
I don’t think there is one definition of perfection. Even if society sets out this idea of a
perfect person, it’s impossible because there are differing opinions about beauty and
intelligence and even success. Asking someone to try to be all of this is like asking
someone not to be human.

These expectations make young people feel like if we make even a minor mistake, it
will greatly impact us. But I think it’s important for teens to be allowed to screw up.
I’ve certainly learned a lot by being allowed to do that.

Making a mistake gives you a chance to be a better person and get a clearer
understanding of what you did wrong. Also, you will know what to do if you come
across a similar situation again. For example, after getting a 65 on a trigonometry test
once I felt defeated. But then I went to my teacher to ask him if there was any way I
could bring up my grade. He said by doing test corrections I would get a few points
back, so I did. The test corrections were also great practice and I understood trig better
after that.

Once I finished my junior year, I felt like I could breathe again. All I have to do in my
senior year is take three mandatory classes and I’m finished. I think the fact that I lost
myself became a reality check. Fortunately, college is more flexible than high school,
and when I make my schedule I will be sure to keep a balance of work and free time
that feels right for me.