If your life was a book

by Pamela Cretu

Part One -
Letters form the alphabet

For people who are wondering if I am writing about them. Do not worry. I am.
THE BEGINNING OF ALL REALITIES
~007~

‘’Day 6540

Wake up.
Brush teeth.
Dress up.
Rush to school.
After 8 hours, go home and watch a movie.
Eat the dinner with the rest of your family.
And fall asleep.
Day 6541
I don’t have a name, or an identity. The only way you can reach me is to ask
for human 007. We are just Humans. Our life is just a simple one. A normal
one. Nothing interesting.No emotions. Everything is the same. We never
change anything. We are all the same.
We all wake up at 7:15.
We all brush our teeth at 7:16.
We all dress up in the same clothes.
We all hurry to school, office or whatever, at 7:30.
After 8 hours we are all going home, watching a movie, eating dinner with our
families and falling asleep.
Then again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
Welcome to my world. Where to be different is against the rules.
Day 6542
I’ve heard tales about the life before the Marsification. That means the times
before people left Earth for Mars. We don’t really know how was life then,
because whoever lived in that times is dead. Obviously. That was around
300-400 years ago, so that explains why. We just know a few things, that
we’ve heard. There were many people on earth. We don’t know how many,
but we know that there were a lot. And now what? From not enough space for
everyone, form extrapolation, to 9 towns in the whole world. But how did we
got to that, you may ask. Well, we, the AfS ones, that means the “ After Mars”,
are not allowed to talk about this kind of things here, because whoever did,
disappeared, so.... You could try asking, but no one will tell you anything,
because they are afraid. But how I said, there are some things I know. Not
from my parents, that’s obvious, but I had awesome grandparents, that were
telling me interesting stories. Unfortunately, they are not here anymore. So
let’s go back to the things about the past. Before Mars, everyone was very
relaxed and distracted form the serious things. In their society, they were poor
and rich. They were thinking differently. They had their own style. We are not
even allowed to show that we have a personality. That we can think as a
single person, not as an everyone. Here we are all the same. I was hating this
things till I was 12. I was trying to wear something else, to eat something
different, to say something different, and to find another ways for doing
things. But now I don’t really care. So how I said, here and now we are all the
same, and this is never going to change . We are not allowed to show our
emotions. If someone dies, you’re not allowed to cry. If someone would make
a joke, something that by the way, is illegally, you can’t laugh. We’re like that
robots from the tales that our parents used to tell us when we were kids.
Robots were real once. They used to be everywhere. They used to hang out
with other robots and humans. You could see them through the window, in
their houses. People were just dreaming about living on other planets. They
were happy. They were enjoying their lives, and thinking about the future.
About solving old problems like global warming or other political issues. We
wish this would’ve been our problems. Here everything and everyone is
perfect, but at the same time is killing you, slowly. Day by day.
Day 6543
The time passed, so the BfS ( before Mars)people were more and more into
space, and going there, to live. Starting with Mars. The years when the
technology started developing quicker, there were different kind of stuff sent
there, on Mars, and there were even some people. They’ve reconfirmed the
fact that they could live there. And this is how the crazy story begins.
Everyone was selling everything to go on Mars. They were just leaving their
houses there. And they’ve forgotten a lot of thing here. Goods. Pets, looked in
the houses, that just died there. Food, that just decomposed there. And there
is one more thing that they have forgotten. Us. The rush, and the fights for
that tickets were just destroying everyone. Unbelievable. As you may think, of
course that the first ones that arrived there were the richest ones. Then the
rest. The problem was the space. Not enough rockets. And I am thinking,
couldn’t they stay a bit more, to finish that rockets, and to take us too? People
were fighting for the last tickets. Many of them died, trying to reach them, for
themselves and their family. When the last rocket left Earth, the left ones
were looking in the sky, and we still do hope to see it again, so it could take
us too. We want to leave too, but we can’t. You can’t say that the first left
ones were really lost. At least, they didn’t knew they were. The first years,
they were trying to repair the rockets that were defected, but no one couldn’t
do it. So the next thing they did was to “clean” the Earth. They started
destroying town after town. Country after country. And we are now living on
The Last, or Das Ende. I think my grandpa told me once how was it named in
the BfS, but I forgot, so.... This is how we ended here.
Day 6544

When I arrived home, after school, I checked the mailbox, cause this is what
I’m always doing. Usually it is empty, because how I said, nothing special on
this planet. But today, I found a letter inside.
Day 6545
For me.
Day 6546
I wanted to open it, but I didn’t. I didn’t tell my parents about it. Even if they
are my parents, if they see something strange going on with you they must
tell the government about it. So I’m the only one who knows about it. Maybe, I
could’ve told grandpa, but, I can’t. Since he died, when I was 12, I stopped
trying to be different. He was the only one in this whole world who was
constantly telling me that instead of the fake perfection that is here, there is
actually a total mess, and he was feeling that I was the one that was
supposed to solve it. Then, I was agreeing with him, but now, I think it’s pretty
stupid. No offense, grandpa was a smart guy, but when he got older, he
started talking a lot about the BfS. I think there were even some in-outsiders
that heard him.
Day 6547
The letter had everything that a letter should have. The address, my number.
But I noticed then, one thing that was strange. The address were it came
from.
Day 6548

Mars. The letter was from Mars.

Day 6549
The fact that I received a letter from Mars, that had my number and address
on it is really strange. I understand to write one for someone with a name
but...., a number?! And from Mars?!I don’t want to start something with
opening this thing, so I waited.
Day 6550
You may think this is a “perfect” place, but we have bullies. We really do. And
guess who is the victim and the bullied one? Me. No one else than me. I was
always wondering why. Sometimes, I think that this could be me. My fault,
that I’m not good enough to actually live in this place. I don’t even deserve the
number that I have. I am just a no one, lost in no were. And this is something
that, now, or later, you’ll understand. You will realise, that we are alone. You
may think that you have some friends. You may think that you’ll never ever be
alone. Maybe because you’re one of those bullies that just doesn’t care about
lives like mine, about how I could feel, and about how it could affect me. Or
maybe you're one that is like me. Quiet. Never says anything, and never does
anything to protect themselves. You're just staying there, watching how the
world is around you, and because of you. How the people are forgetting that
we were an advanced being, once. They still are, a part of them, but not on
this planet. They are gone, and they are never going to come back after us,
because they just don’t care. They never did. Why would they? We are just
the bunch of losers that didn’t had enough money to go on Mars too. And
again, why would they ever come back after(for) us. They never cared about
us, and they never will. You could say that the way we live here is amazing.
We have the whole Earth to live on. So many places to see. The first left ones
decided that they wanted to clear the planet, so it took some years but they
did it. Now we all live in one country, and the rest of the Earth is just a huge
jungle. So going back to the bullies, and the fact that i’m always the victim.
Today started like a normal day. Like always, my mom did the breakfast and
my dad was reading his boring newspaper. I went to school and I saw again
how this society is getting worst and worst every day. How it is destroying our
life. It is killing every single sign of identity and personality from us. The day is
just like a usual day. I have found my lunch in the trash before I could even
taste it. I could’ve get another one, but why would I even try. I already knew
what was coming.
Day 6551
I just ran. I took my backpack and I just ran. First I ran home, I took the
money that I had, and some snacks and clothes. And then I decided to just
run away. To just get up and go. Maybe you’re thinking that, usually, when
people are feeling this big, fat, nothing, they are just killing themselves, as a
way to escape. But suicide is for weak.
People are strange.
When you’re a stranger.
Day 6552
I was walking days and nights. I was stopping sometimes, to take naps, and
to eat something, but nothing more than that. This was my way of ending it.
And it was that feeling you would feel after killing yourself, and realising that
there is no way back. First I thought about my parents. Then I stopped. Yes,
they are my parents, but I never really loved them, and neither did they. I
don’t think they ever cared about me. So I stopped thinking about them. I was
lost. It wasn’t the first time when I was lost. But this time, I wasn’t just lost in
somewhere. I was lost in nowhere. and do you you know what’s worst than
being lost in nowhere? Is that you realise that you are, and you don’t have the
possibility to go back, cause the only way that’s left is there, in front. I kept
walking and walking and walking. I was thinking again about my parents, and
this time, thinking that they maybe did not deserved what I have done to
them. Maybe I should’ve wait a bit more, one, two years, and after that to
move alone. But at the same time, what have they done for me? Something
that isn’t just as something what they need to do, because if they wouldn’t, I
would’ve been taken from them. I am talking about food, school, and a
bed.But the love isn’t included on the list.
Day 6553
Today, my thoughts were, more about that letter, the one from Mars. The one
that has my number on it. 007. This is my number. I don’t know if it is a joke,
or it is really from Mars, but my question is how do they know my number.
And how did they found it. And why. I had the letter home, so I could’ve just
opened, and read it. But I didn’t. And I didn’t wanted to. I didn’t know what
was in there, and I’m not sure I wanted to know. I just tried to think about
something else. So I started thinking about were am I going. And why. I
realised that I was sick of everything, and how I said, suicide is for weak, and
running away from everything is my way of suicide. When you are doing it,
you are thinking that you are, somehow going to start it again. You think about
it, like an ending that brings you the beginning of the end. So just letting the
everything there, and going in the future, living in the past, and being in
present was my own way to that beginning of the end. I remember my
grandpa’s last words, before he died. ‘’Watch out, and listen to what they say,
understood?’’ I didn’t told him anything, and he took my hand, and I struggled
to get my hand off his. And then I did something that killed him. I just looked
in his eyes, and said ‘’I don’t care about your theories. Understood?’’ And I
blocked the air tube. I was holding it in my hand. And he couldn’t breathe. So
this was the way I killed my grandpa. This is the way I killed the only human
that cared just a little bit about me, and the only human being that ,I was able
to save us, the lost ones, from this.... thing. From this Earth. You may think
that I did a very wrong thing, and that I did something that has changed our
lives, including mine, his and my grandma’s too. And yes, she was alive in
that day, and she was in that hospital too. She went to buy some snacks, and
I came into the room, killing him. She came back, and saw me staring at him,
at my dead grandpa. She came and started crying. She was crying. And then
I took the hospital phone, to tell them that he is dead. But I didn’t. She got up,
she thrown the phone in the wall, and starting yelling at me. “ You killed him!
It’s your fault, and you deserve to die too!” I didn’t said anything. I wanted to
kill her too, but then a doctor came, and as soon as I could, I went back
home, I was laying in my bed, and I thought that maybe I should’ve killed her
too. Or maybe I was the one that deserved to die. I live at the 6th floor, so I
just went to the window, and jumped. I just did it.
Day 6554
I jumped, but I didn’t died. I wish I would. But I didn’t. But what came after it
as worst. I had explanations to give, and I had pain to suffer. I needed to stay
in bed for one month, because of the broken arm, leg and neck. Those were
the worst weeks of my life. I had to suffer them everyday. I just wanted to
jump again and to die this time. But I didn’t. This whole time, I was planning
how to kill my grandma. After grandpa died, she become very weak, so she
got sick two weeks after. So I went to visit the same hospital and the same
room, for the same reason. To kill somebody. But this time I wanted to. This
time I was sure about what I want, and why. My grandma stole my grandpa
from another woman. I understood that he was born in another town, were he
met somebody and got married there, but then he needed to move here, were
he met my grandma and they, somehow got married. Poor his first wife.
Grandma was very intolerant, she was very severe and very boring. She
hated me, from the bottom of her frozen hart.
Day 6555
In one of the days, I went to that hospital, to kill her, the same way I did with
my grandpa. I enter trough the main door, going to right, up the stairs, left in
the hall, room 198. I enter. She was sleeping, but she woke up at the same
moment I entered. I come near her, and I think she knew what was next. She
had big, brown eyes, and her silver hair , and her tears were all over her face.
I am trying to take the little air tube, but she was so scared, and she just fell
off the bed, over that edges, on the cold floor. The next thing I see is just
blood everywhere, on everything, and on everyone, cause the doctors
entered in the room. They took her away, because she was already dead.
Someone cleaned up the mess, and then my parents entered in the room.
Everything happened so quickly... I feel on the floor.
Day 6556
I woke up in an empty room. A glass of water was on the grey floor. The only
thing in the room was the bed, and nothing else. I stood up and starting
shouting. No words. Nothing. I think I was screaming for half an hour. After
that, I tried to escape. But in the first place, I tried to find the door. Everything
was grey. No sigh of a door, a window, but it was a 2 meters high room. I just
laid on the bed. And I waited. And I waited, and I waited. I waited for a too
long time. But I don’t really know for how long have I waited in there. I felt
asleep, and I was dreaming how my mother and another man in white were
looking at me from somewhere above. Then I realised that that wasn’t a
dream. There was a door in the room, but it was in the ceiling, above me.
Mom and that.... I don’t really know, doctor, where looking at me from there.
So how did I end up down here? They just trowed me two meters? “Come on,
come up here!” “And how exactly am I spouse to do that?!” My mother was
just shouting at me from two meters, and was telling me that should just go
through that door. Well, this is a very easy task. Thanks mom! “Don’t be
stupid...” she said. “Just take the stairs!” “Me, stupid, mom?! Are you crazy?
Do you see any stairs here?!”She just rolled her eyes and the doctor in white
thrown a rope stair. “ Am I supposed to climb on this thing or something like
that? You think I’ll do that? No thanks. How do I know that you won’t let it go,
mother? How do I?”. ‘’ It’s not the time for your smart comments, Seven!
Come up here, cause we have something to talk with Mr. 287. Come on, up
here, darling!” Wow. She called me “darling”. What’s wrong with her. Is she
drugged or something? She is never calling me like that. I just took the stair
and climbed. What matters if I’ll fall down, right? Right, it doesn’t. And here I
am, up here, and I realise now that the room were I was blocked is like a
square hole, and you enter inside through the door, that is in the floor, but you
have to take the rope stairs, case if you don’t, than I don’t think It’s really
funny to break an arm or something. Mr. Weirdo is stretching his hand, but I’m
never going to shake a hand like his. I’m just looking at him, and doing the
“Not glad to meet you” smile. I didn’t let him say anything, cause I went after
mom and took her hand. “What’s going on? Why are we here?” She just
looked at me, and didn’t said anything. Just looked at me like I should already
know. “ 007, follow me. This is your new house, but don’t get used to call it
“home’’. Here, you will learn how bad your existence is. Monthly, a committee
will decide if your life worths to exist on this planet, or at least in this building”.
No words. What am I spouse to say now? Yes, of course. No, thank you. Run
away and scream for help. I needed to think about it. “But don’t worry,
because we will give you a glass of water and your daily necessary nutrients,
so everything will be alright, cause you're in good hands.” So no food. And
just a glass of water. “But why am I here? What right do you think you have,
to keep me here?”. ‘’ Well, considering the fact that you’re still under 18, we
have your parent’s signature. Is this enough? I think it is. Oh, and the first rule
is: speak only if you are asked to. Understood?’’. I looked at my mom, but she
ignored me.” So, Mr.287, can you tell Seven why he is here, and for how
long?’’. Seriously? So this is what, kind of prison for “the ones like me”?! “Yes,
of course. So, you see, 007, every action has consequences, so you must
face your’s. You killed two people. Your grandparents. Both of them. And it
wasn’t an accident. Not at all. Your behaviour is really bad, and you are here
because we want to help you, to help you improve this... thing. If you
would’ve been over 18, you would already be in prison. But as all of us know,
you still have 11 months till then, because you just turned 17. So you will stay
here 11 months, starting now, and after that, if your behaviour won’t be better,
you will be transferred to something more serious.” He said all this things
while we were walking in the totally white and empty hall. But my question
was, how do they know about grandpa and grandma. ‘’ They also know about
your several attempts of killing yourself, like the one with jumping out the
window and the knife that you took from the kitchen, and you almost bleed to
death.”. I didn’t said anything. “ So, my Seven, I am now your everything, and
for the rest of your life, you will forget that you had a family. Welcome to the
Correction School of Minors Number 09. We hope you will have an awful time
here! Miss 356, you can go home now. Thank you for coming.” I looked how
she was going away. Maybe I was hoping that she will remember that I’m still
her son. But what am I talking about? That woman had no feelings, maybe I
should be happy to get rid of her and dad. “Don’t dare you to come back”, I
thought. Just don’t.
Day 65
I felt asleep on a bed, in a small room. The room wasn’t so..., far from
everything. It had a door, but it was looked most of the time. In the room was
a bed, and a small desk, as a working space. Two books, four notebooks, and
three pens. I felt asleep, and then I woke up. Mr. Weirdo, or Mr. 287, how he
preferred to be called, just entered in the room, and, told me to wake up.
“Don’t you see that I’m sleeping? Go away!”. “ Seven, I told you to get up, and
you will do that, because if you won’t, there are going to be consequences.”
“No one is able to turn off my sleeping mode.” Then he told me again. And I
refused. Then it was quiet. For one second. But I felt hands on me, that took
me, and brought me in a room. “You’re lucky that you’re the new guy. For
such a behaviour, we would’ve thrown you through the window.” I’ve seen
people. My age. “What’s this? You think I’ll stay here? With these creatures?
No way! I’m going away.” “Stop right now, Mr. Seven. You are gong to stay
here, if i said so. It’s time to meet your new friends.” Again that evil ‘I don’t
care’ smile. “Numbers, this is a new number. He is Seven. But you can call
him Zero. Don’t worry, bullying is allowed here.” What the....? Bullying?
Wasn’t this a school that is suppose to do something nice to me? Or that was
just me, that understood this? Weirdo went out the room, but another man
entered. “ Hi, kids... I know that it was a long time, since we haven’t seen
each other, but here we go, here I am. This year, we are going to study again
the history of the humanity. From the beginnings, to these days. But before
we start, what do you say about introducing yourself, Zero? Come here ,in
front, and say some words about you.” I thought what should I say. Well,
yeah, I basically killed two people, and after that I tried to kill myself. More
than twice. And, should I add the fact that I never realised anything important
in this life, or is the murder carrier enough? “ Zero?” “Yes.” I went to the front.
Think, think! “ I am Seven, as you heard. I don’t have any hobbies. I am,
basically, a loser, and... bullying is allowed.” I went back to my place, and I sat
there for the rest of the day, while the old man, that actually had a name,
Edison, was talking about his life, and that he has grown a great man from
this school. He was saying continuously that when he was our age, he did
some stupid things, so he was sent here, where he has improved his
behaviour, so he became the next history teacher, and he is going to stay
here till he’ll die, and then he will have to choose a new one, that will be one
of us. That this school was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to
him.
Day 1623
The next history lessons were just flying. They told us how amazing this
school was, and how bad the Outside world was. They told us that they were
choosing only the geniuses from each town. That we were actually people
with wonderful, or even unbelievable abilities, and with their help, we could
even earn a name, or much more than that. They told us about how the
schools from the Outside were. Dark. Cold. Heartless. They said they were
telling us the truth. And I’ve been stupid. Too many lies. Too many words. And
I started believing them. Some weeks passed. Mr. Edison. He was teaching
us. He was opening our eyes with lies, and killing us with kindness. He was
our God. He was the best thing that could ever happen to us. He was
teaching us. He was telling us stories about the life that we had before this
school. How we were all alone, how we did horrific things, and how we were
lost. How we didn’t had parents, because they abandoned us. I remember
how once, a boy said that he could remember his family. He got shot. In that
minute, we were all so scared to talk about our past, that the only thing we
could know, or think about, was the present. Being in this building, with our
bodies, and dead inside. They made us a favour, so we could fell nothing.
They were so good, that they made us forget everything. They made us
forget who were we. A white page. It scared me. It was full of mysteries and
pain. To see it on your skin, naked in the rain to not feel. To not fell all the
drops and pain. The only thing to fell, the nothing. The one that was haunting
us. I feel nothing. But feeling nothing is a feeling too. Being able to feel
nothing is an art. You have to forget the other, and their words, to find your
words, in their’s. You have to forget the others , and their feelings, so you can
change yours. Feeling nothing is a feeling too. You feel how everything is
floating. You feel how the unfeeld feeling feels like. You feel how no one cares
how you could feel. You see how the rain and dark, are like sun and light. You
hear the pain, And see the screams. You smile at the pain, and cry at the
happiness. You keep the screams inside, while they can see only the laughs.
Feeling nothing is a feeling too. You can still see around you, but no feeling it
anymore. They made us forget. And they are going to regret.
Day 1624
The next two months were about the life before the Mars. I remember how
the teacher was telling us how everything was dark and ugly. There was no
sun, or candy, like the ones that they are giving to us, as a reward, if we are
good, so we can fall asleep quicker, without hearing the screams. But, if you
behave bad, you are forced to eat the yellow candy instead, that is making
you dream about how bad your family was. You can remember the faces that
looked like monsters. I got one of those, once. I realised that I should be
happy that I got rid of that family. They were constantly telling us that we had
no friends before this school. That we were just a bunch of losers. That we
were just lost. And I believed them. I did. I cried. Many nights, under the
blanket. I was feeling so much. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout out
everything that I should’ve said so much time ago. I wanted to do all these
things, but I didn’t. I just continued playing the “ stupid boy”, who was learning
how to forget his feelings. Have I mentioned that we had lessons about the
sentiments, and how to forget them, to forget how do they feel. Well, we did. I
was the best at it. I think the most broken ones can pretend better than the
rest. I already knew how. I have pretended that since I killed my grandpa. He
was the only one that cared about me. That understood me. And that’s why I
did it. I could feel how the darkness was covering everything around me,
reaching everyone. I felt that he had changed. I knew that he knew my secret.
So even though he was the only person that wanted to help me, I got rid of
him. Like a gum sticked to my shoe. I know that because of his death,
grandma would go crazy, and she did. She even accused me of killing him.
Can you imagine. So I had to get rid of her too. Here, I go rid of the pain.
Here I finally got rid of them. Forever. I forgot about them. About everything
that happened out there, actually. That was a great feeling. A feeling of
nothing. Knowing that I don’t care, or don’t want to, and no one else cared.
Wonderful. It was like I could feel free. I could feel like everything was finally
floating. Like I could disappear any minute. But in the hell. I have already
been there, and they send me back here. It was one night, when we did an
exercise that could set us free, forever. We didn’t knew what freedom was,
but we just had to accept it. But we never thought that that was one of their
ways of killing us. they had candles. Many. We were tied to the desk, and I
can understand why just know. They had hypnotised us. They let our mind
and soul do everything they wanted to. We could fly to our families. We could
fly up in the sky, to find the heaven. That’s what most of us did. We went up
there, but there was no heaven. Never believe the tales about it. There is no
heaven. There is just a big and smelly hell. Almost half of my class got stuck
there. They were checking our life goals and I don’t know what, and were
choosing who should stay there, and who should go back. The ones that
were feeling a real nothing, got stuck there. Because they felt nothing, did
they had a reason to live? I understood later that they were doing all this thing
with forgetting your life was just a way of killing us. We were forced to forget,
so we could stay up there. Maybe I should’ve warned some of the students
from the other classes. Meh, who cares... Okay, so back to the evil little
game. Once you arrived there, all you had to do was to wait in the line, to see
what is going on. Almost everyone in front of me wasn’t allowed to go back to
earth. I looked back, down, and I felt like I was going to be there, in the future,
but not in this hell. In the universe, with the stars. Weird feeling. So it was my
turn. Someone took my hands, and hold them for around a minute.And then
he said “ Go home, boy, you really need to tell your mom everything, and try
to find some friends, okay? Promise me.” And I did. And I am glad I did. I went
back to the school, and since that day, I always remembered what Satan told
me. Go home, talk to mom, make some friends. I went to hell, and he turned
his back at me, but this time I was happy it did. And next time when I’ll go
there, i am going to be empty, or full. If you’re medium, there is no place for
you in there. I woke up, and I was the last one who did. Around ten were
awake. The other ten were dead. Thank you Satan. Thank you for giving me
a reason to live. Thank you for turning your back.
Day 1625
Even though the school realised that I wasn’t feeling the nothing yet, they
accepted me in the next classes. The history was over ,but we had something
else to do. We were playing the whole day that game. That board game. I
never knew it’s name. But it was weird. It was like I could feel Satan standing
near me, trying to reach me, but not with his friend, Death. He was alone. Or
maybe with the Hope. I knew that he wanted me to go, and to leave that
school, but i don’t think I wanted to, or maybe I was just scared of what could
I find out there. While everyone was playing that game, each of us had that
private conference with one of the teachers. I think Mr. Edison actually
wanted to have it with me. Like he was starving. He needed to hear my pain,
so he could find out more about the future. But it wasn’t a regular lesson. It
was a mission. Each one of us had something different. From cutting your
veins and not talking to anyone around you, to killing someone. There was
only one person who was going to kill someone.
Day 1626
Me. I was the one that was going to kill someone. But it wasn’t just a
someone. It was the most attractive and intelligent someone that could ever
exist. She had that green eyes, and I could see in them that she wasn’t empty
yet. I could see in them her hope and ideas, her plans for the future, I could
see her life, out and far from this school. Her eyes were deep. But not in the
way that they are described in books or movies. No. Not in that way. Her eyes
weren’t showing me the past, and her pain. Her eyes were reflecting what
was in front of her. What she wanted to see there. And they weren’t deep in
the way that you could see the whole universe in them. They were deep,
because she could see in you. She could feel you. Understand you. She
could talk to you just once, and could already know what was gong on in your
head. It was like she was reading your whole life, even if she looked at you
once. Her hair wasn’t like the other girl’s hair. Even though she didn’t had that
long blond hair, that all the boys are dreaming about, her hair was like an
ocean. Her hair was dark blue. I’ve always imagined her sitting in front of me,
and me, carefully touching her hair. And then she would turn around, and kiss
me. Our lips touching. Not pushing hard, like in all those old movies grandpa
told me about, but not just like a childish kiss neither, the ones that are almost
not touching them. Like I could feel how fine her lips were, and I could also
feel how passionate she was, but not in the wrong way. Like she would just
give me that electric touch, and leave. Her heart was broken, I could see that.
I could feel that she went through many things in, and before this school.
Maybe i was right, or maybe I was not, but there is one thing I was sure
about. There was no one in this whole world that could understand everything
about her. Her thoughts. Her words. Her brain, and how was it working. You
would look at her, and try to understand at least what is she looking at, and
when she catches you staring at her, you would feel awkward, because you
would know that she understands everything that was going on in your head
in that specific moment. But I also knew that there was an opportunity for me
to find out. Since i arrived in this school, I saw her, and I knew that someday, I
would be able to tell you everything about her. That day came. But it didn’t
took too long.
She was not a usual girl. She wasn’t that kind of girl that would do everything
so she could be attractive. She wasn’t trying to be that man-magnet. In our
class, there was a reward for the girls that behaved good. They were offering
to each one of them free plastic surgery. All the girls were looking like dolls.
Blond long hair. Perfect skin. Light blue eyes. Big lips. Shaped body.But there
was only one person that wasn’t just a copy paste. Ocean. We all called her
like that, because of her hair. While all the other girls had that blond hair,
her’s was dark blue, wavy, and short. When everyone else had those light
blue eyes, her’s were green. And her skin was not perfect. But that didn’t
meant she was not pretty. She was. Really pretty. She used to escape the
spot light, giving it to the other, but it was hard to not notice a girl like that,
even without the lights on her.

Day 1627
I remember my first lesson with me and Mr. Edison. I thought he would want
me to do some math or whatever, but it was nothing like that. Not at all. I
entered in the room, and he was already sitting in his “special chair”. In the
moment he saw me, he looked very excited, for the first time, maybe. So then
he said, “ Good, Seven, for the first lesson, I just want you to meet someone
very interesting.” So I followed him in another room, were I saw her. Ocean.
She was there, and she looked like she was floating, but not lost in her own
thoughts. They were always so organised. The room was empty, with just two
chairs. She was already sitting down. Mr. Edison opened the door, but she
didn’t turned her head. She was staying with the back at us. She sat like that
for some minutes. Then Mr. Edison finally got out, and there was just the two
of us, sitting there. Two strangers. I took the other chair and sit in front of her.
She looked at me, in the eyes, and I can still remember her words. “What we
gonna’ do, what we gonna’ lose, that moves mountains?” I looked at her, and
I first smiled, because I thought that was some kind of a joke. But she had
that serious expression on her face, so I transferred to the seriousness too. I
just pretended like What she said wasn’t actually pronounced, and I said the
dumbest thing of my whole life. “ So... Are you coming here often?” She
looked at me, and as the first thought, I hoped that she just would just ignore
that, but she took it really personally. “ Oh, no, not at all... I am just someone
from the outside world that likes to come here and to look at some poor kids
that did some stupid mistakes, and now are being punished, through the
worst methods ever. Do I look stupid to you?! Of course I do! I’m a prisoner
here, the same as you, and everybody else in this building! Thank you for
your intellectual question, even though the answer was very obvious.” Ups.
One, stupid mistake. “Sorry, I didn’t meant to hurt you.” I tried to say it without
showing any felling. “ It’s fine. I should be sorry. I took it personally. It’s just
one of those first questions that are the begging of a true friendship. But I
don’t think I’ve ever had a friend, so I‘m not expecting one right now, so it’s
totally fine if you don’t want to interact with me anymore, cause’ I’m used to
that.” That was the moment when I realised that that green eyes were hiding
more than I expected to. “It’s useless to think that happiness could be find
only in people, but even though we know that, we are spending our lives on
that, trying to satisfy someone who doesn’t worth it. So no excuse, but you
could start with telling me your name.” She looked a me, and that was the first
time when I was her smile. “Cool. I’m 359, But that is just my number. No one
calls me like that. So, would rather introduce myself as Ocean.” “Ocean.
Okay, then nice to meet you, Ocean. I’m Seven. Nr. an unofficial name.” “So
no nickname?” “No. I’m not special.” That, was when I felt that there was
going to be a long story between just the two of us. “So, Seven, Why don’ you
start with telling me why are you here?” “Well, few minutes ago I entered in
the class, ad Mr. Edison guided me here, with no reason, but now I can see
that the results are better that whatever I could’ve ever expected.” She didn’t
smile. Wrong step. Too early.” No. I meant why are you in this school? What
have you done, that brought here?” Well, I kind of killed two persons, that
happened to be my grandparents, and after that I tried ti kill myself. Is that all
that I’ve done? Yeah, I think thats it... “ I’m not sure.” “ If you’re not sure then
you might have some ideas. “I don’t know, okay? Is that good?” She looked at
me with that look, the one that was able to find out everything about you.
“Yes, I think that is is enough. For now. But do not worry, Seven, because I’m
going to find out more about you in the future. Now if you could excuse me, I
have to leave this meeting.” Uh, I had a bad feeling about those words. She
stood up, and went to the door, and then she said something else.” Only a
genius could love a woman like me.” And then left. I was alone in that room,
thinking about every singe word that she said, visualising over and over again
her smile, her eyes, her voice. In 10 minutes Mr. Edison entered in the room
and told me that he saw Ocean in the halls, and started wondering where was
I, and how did our little meeting went. He wanted every single detail, but all I
had to say to him was “It was fine.” And then I left. But inside me, there was a
lot more going on. A lot of questions. why was she in this school? Am I going
to see her ever again? What was the reason of this meeting? Did anyone
know about what we talked in there? I decided that the best thing I could’ve
done in that moment was to go to my room, and to get a little sleep.
Day 1628
I thought that that was all. No more Seven and Ocean. But I wasn’t right.
When I went to Mr. Edison to start the lesson, he told me to go t the room
were I was the day before, because there was someone waiting for me in
there. I entered, and I was pretty glad to see her blue hair and chocolate skin
again. She looked at me. “I am one.” “What? You are a what?” “A genius.” for
first time she looked confused, but then she smiled. The day before, while
leavening the room, she told me that only a genius could love a woman like
her. And I told her that I could be that genius. Because she was amazing.
Wonderful. Smart. Pretty. Intelligent. How could already know everything
about her, right, after just less than a day. Well that was the point. I didn’t. But
I needed to find out more about her, because that was the only way we could
start knowing each other. And so we did. We talked about every single
subject on Earth, and we were both glad we did. “Glad to hear that, I got
everything you need.” Her smile.
Day 1629
Our meetings were going better and better. We started being really close. Till
one day. The lesson started like any other lesson. I went to Edison’s class, so
I could get to our little room, were our meetings was taking place. But I didn’t
made it till there. Because he stopped me, right in the middle of my way. “ My
Seven, today we are doing something different.Would you mind, and sit
down?” I didn’t said one word. I went to my chair, and I took a place. “First of
all, Seven, don’t freak out about what whatever I’m going to tell you, okay?” I
nod my head. “I think you know that everyone has a different task for their
final class. There are all kinds of tasks, and I know that you’ve been worried
that you didn’t got your’s, but the others did. Well, today you are gong to get
your’s.” He looked like he was afraid to tell me, like it could break me into
pieces. “Your task... Well, your task... is to kill someone.” Shocked. Both of
us. I was shocked because I was going to kill someone else, but this time as
a “task”. He was surprised, because he may thought that my instant answer
would be a “NO WAY!”. But instead of that, I freeze. But not the kind of
freezing, like when you are scared. Not that way. Scared, like I felt cold, and I
couldn’t move. Talk. See. Listen. Think. “Seven? Do you hear me?” “Yes,
sorry. Continue, please.” He looked at me, and I thoughtI could see his
human feelings, but they suddenly disappeared. “Should I repeat, Seven?”
“Yes.” “Very well. Your task is, as you know, different. Even if it sounds like
something easy for you, because you already did it, twice, this doesn’t mea
that you don’t need to be prepared. We are going to teach you how to handle
a gun. And of course, we are going to be sure that there is not going to be a
break down, after the event, but it’s not such a big deal, so I don’t think there
will even exist something like that. I’m very glad that you are so
understandable with us, and you are accepted our way of doing things. I
really am, glad. And you should be proud of yourself, too.” Be proud?! To be
proud of what?! Of killing someone? Such a thunderstorm inside here. Am I
ever going to be able to escape it? Am I?
Day 1630
As usually, I went to Mr. Edison’s class, but I knew I wasn’t going to meet with
Ocean today. But I was sure that I was going to learn how to kill someone.
The day just passed. I just did whatever they were telling me to do. But I also
knew that if I would tell them just a single no, just one singe time, there would
be almost no chance to see Ocean again. These whole weeks I just thinking
what was Ocean doing. Was she practicing something too? But at the same
time, I knew that I was the only one that was supposed to eliminate someone.
I hoped I was.
Day 1631
It was just one week of training, and after that, I felt like I was free again. we
used to see each other every day, and after one or two weeks, we started
doing things, that we weren’t supposed to do. I can remember how once, we
decided to see what happens when you stay awake after the sleep hour. we
talked, and we agreed to meet in the canteen, one hour after the sleep hour.
And we ran everywhere. We even went outside on the roof, so we could
watch the stars together. “Why is everyone calling you Ocean? The oceans
can be dark, and dangerous, are empty, and boring. Why d they call you
Ocean, when they can call you Sky? Because you are like it. I can see all the
stars in your eyes, and the mysteries that are hiding behind you...” She
looked into my eyes, and I could really see all the stars, and more then that. “
I used to be call Sky. I used to be called Cloud. Even Thunder. My parents
told me once, tat they hoped that I could have an official name, and if it
would’ve been so, my name would’ve been Sky. They told me the same thing
you told me, that when I was born, and they were looking into my eyes, they
could see galaxies. I spent a lot of time, trying to imagine everyone calling me
Sky, not 359. So I asked my parents if I can have a nickname. And they said
yes. They really agreed. And then they asked me ifI want them to call me Sky.
I said no. The Sky is too far, is too big, is full of tooo much pain, because
every time we look up there, we can only see the place were we could’ve
been born, but we weren’t. Too much to feel, with just one single look. I knew
that I wanted to go there, but not so up. I wanted to see it closely, but not to
be there. Like a cloud. I could move, and see the whole sky. To see how it
looks from here, from other towns, or from the other part of the planet.So I
told everyone to call me Cloud. When they asked me why, and I told them,
they looked at each other, and they started crying. they told me, that I should
be a thunder, not a cloud. So, while everyone was calling me Cloud, I was a
Thunder for my parents, and for the rest of my family. It went like that for a
while.” I couldn’t understand. She had amazing parents, why is she here?
“But, if everyone loved you so much how did you end up in this school? what
happened?” It was quiet for a second, when she looked at the stars again,
and the she started to talk. “I never told you, right?” I nod my head. “ Maybe
my parents loved me a lot, but my grandparents, almost hated me. Everything
I did, they always said that my parents were better when they were my age. I
was sick of it, because it went like that for my whole life. I was happy that i
had to meet my grandparents only once in a month, because they lived in
another town. But everything started when My mother got sick. It looked like it
had something to do with the birth of my younger brother. I wonder where is
he now... The last time I have seen him, he was a baby. She died few weeks
after she was sent to the hospital. after that, My grandparents started visiting
bit more often, to be “support” for my dad. But it wasn’t helping. He died from
sadness. Loneliness. I’ve no idea. After both f my parents passed away, it
started feeling like hell for me. Living with my grandparents, that had to
remind me everyday that I was the reason my parens were dead. I knew that
I couldn’t do that for long, and I also knew that the only way out of that house,
that used to be a “home” once, was a correction school. I tried to do many
things. I was pretending to be depressed, that actually turned into a real and
pretty sever depression, and i started writing poems about it, I tried to behave
bad, to destroy every family photo album in the house, but it looked like
nothing worked for my grandparents. Then, one day I got really angry, I told
them that they are the real reason of my parent’s death. They were quiet for
the next hours that I spend in the house. In 4 hours, there were two tall and
stranger men in my living room, that took me, and brought me here. My
grandparents seemed happy that I was leaving.”
ReALiTy 1 from a infinity

WHEN THE SKY FALLS, THE DEEPEST OCEAN STAYS STILL.

~Ocean~
Just remembering about my family seemed unclear. Maybe I should try to
forget about it.
I look at 007, and I see him, looking in the sky, trying probably to understand
and to reflect the story that I just told him. “Sorry I asked” he said. “ Well, now
that you know my story, why don’t you tell me why are you here?” He looked
away and tried to change the subject. What could possibly be so bad? “ You
want to know? Fine. I killed both of my grandparents and tried to kill myself
too. I tried to run away, but I got sent here. Happy?” I didn’t dare to say or, but
yeah ,a bit more satisfied. “Sorry, didn’t mean to upset you.” He turned
around and stared walking away from me, from us and all of our dreams and
hopes. That was the end. That was the last look in the eye before the next
day, when he shot me because of the stupid task. I have been looking for him
since he shot me deadly. The dead girl is unheard.
ReAliTy 2 from infinity

DON’T PANIC. PLAY THE GAME. AND KILL THE MASTER.

~007~
Day 1632
I wished we knew what was going to come after that night. If we would’ve
known that they would find out about our night adventures. We both turned
around, angrily. We will never forget what we looked like on that night. We
entered in the building, and the lights turned on. We were surounded by at
least 20 guards. From somewhere in dark, Mr. Edison came, and the last
words that I ever heard from him, were felt by both of them like a thunder in
out subconscious minds. “Let the game begin. You two know what you have
to do. You were trained for this. Let the killing game begin.” I felt Ocean’s arm
holding mine for the last time. In some seconds, our whole universe was
going to end in pain, and we felt how the guards took us apart.
_No MoRe DaYs_. Felt like forever. The time was stopped.
I woke up in an empty room. The only thing was a gun. Me. And Ocean,
sleeping on the floor. I stand up and stared running to her. Edison. He turned
on the electric wall. There was no way to reach Ocean. But the gun. It was
exactly in the middle, so both of us could reach it. I looked up, and I saw the
night sky. Then I realized that those were just cameras. They were watching
us. And then I realized why were we here, with he gun between us, pointing
at one. My task was to kill. Her task... was to kill too, I guess. And what would
be more fun for a psychopath like Edison, than watching two connected
people deciding who to kill.
~
Ocean got up around 14h after we arrived i the red room, that was actually
white, but was going to be red soon. She told me that she tried to stand up
the guards when they brought us here. That’s why she was so “sleepy”. I told
her that we had to finish what we started. “Seven. No. I would rather kill
myself than to kill you. You can take it and shoot me, okay?You have to get
out of here, to go on Mars and to save the world. But me? I’m buried at the
bottom of the ocean, like a small diamond that fell off a cliff.”
~
The 9th day was the last. After we both shot ourselves in the leg and didn’t
receive any medical help, and were let to bleed on the cold floor, the room
became red. Edison entered in the room and put the gun on the desk. “If one
of you doesn’t die in the next hour, both of you are going to see the other one
suffering a very slow death.” We looked at each other, and we knew that one
of us was going to die at this shot, but for real this time. But we still had one
hour. We came as near to the wall as we could, so we could fell each other’s
breathe.”Seven. I’m not going to kill you. You know that.” She said that, and
for the first and last time, she stared crying. “Hey, we still have one hour to tell
each other everything that we never dared to.” She looked at me. “I can start.”
I looked in her eyes again. ”The light from your eyes makes me feel like we
are dancing in the moonlight. Even here, I still love the sky and the ocean.
You. This is the end of our little game, Ocean. Since the first day here, I knew
that you were not like the other ones. I felt it. I could see it in your eyes. I am
sorry that we didn’t ran from this place together. That I wasn’t able to catch
the diamond from the endless ocean.” In that moment, she stopped crying.
She looked at the gun and then at me. “I said something wrong, didn’t I?” I
thought. So, seeing her taking the gun in her hands was the most painful
thing that I have ever seen. I knew that she was going to shot me. I cold
already see the blood on the floor.I stood up, ready. As I said, it was painful to
watch this. But not because I didn’t want to die, or because I wanted me to kill
her. No. It was hard to watch it, because I knew that it would happen this way.
But I never imagined her being so feelingless. So cold. I visualized this
moment as a heartbreaking one, both of us with tears in the eyes. But this
what exactly the opposite. She took the gun, with that cold look on her face.
And now, I wasn’t able to reach the light in her ocean, sky eyes. I felt like she
was a complete different person than the one who heard my words two
minutes ago. She looked at the gun ,and then at me. I was ready for the
impact, and I kept my eyes closed.
~Ocean~
DON’T THINK. ACT.

As he said “diamond form the endless ocean” , I knew what I had to do. I
stood up and took the gun in my hands. I looked at Seven for the last time. I
closed my eyes and shot.
~007~
HER.
I heard the loud sound. I could already feel it. I opened my eyes and looked at
my body. I wasn’t hurt. Not at all. But I was confused. I heard the gun.
Seconds after the gun shot, I looked at Ocean, for the last time. And then I
realized what happened. She was still standing, but I was able to see her soul
leaving her body. She was getting empty. Then I saw the blood. Not mine.
Hers. She shot herself to save me.
~Ocean~
HIM.
I knew that it was the only thing that I could do. If I would’ve let him shoot me,
I would’ve turn his whole life into a prison of being alive. The first thing that
happened after the loud sound was a strange feeling. I looked at my chest
and I saw blood. The next, and last thing I saw as an alive human being was
Seven. I looked in his eyes, and I felt free for the first time. And after being
and feeling so free, I felt terribly tired, so I just fell on the cold floor. As that
happened, I felt Seven’s hands on my body. “Seven. Seven.” I couldn’t say
anything. I was aware of what was happening. But I wasn’t able to do
anything. I tried at least to hold his hand for the last time. I had lost the control
over my body. I was, little by little, less conscious of the things around me, but
I could still feel him holding my body in his arms. In the last seconds of
consciousness, the last thing I heard was a short and lovely “love you”. “Me
too. Bye Seven.” That was the only thing I still wanted to say. But it was too
late. I knew that it was the right decision to make. Sometimes, the best thing
you can do, could destroy or even end your life, but it could save his. As I
looked from the top of the scene, I saw Seven holding my body, and my body
getting cold and lost in time. Maybe the world never knew that someone
named Ocean ever existed, or that she died in such a way, but I am sure
about one thing. I saved the one person I most cared about. And I felt that I
did the right thing. As I was going upper and upper, I could still hear him
calling me. My cold body in his arms. I was gone, he was alive.
~007~
THE DEAD GIRL AND THE LONLEY BOY.
I was holding her body in my arms. I looked in her eyes for he last time, and I
could literally see the light from her eyes shouting down, little by little. I
panicked. I was lost. And as I never did, I just started crying. She was gone.
She is dead. And I am in prison.”
“...”
You never realize how precious someone is, until you loose them. I thought
about everything that she still wanted to do. First of all, she wanted to live. To
finish the quest, and live, after all of this. She wanted to see the lost
continents, and to find a way to reach Mars. She wanted to find her
grandparents, and to read the letter from Mars. She wanted to find old books,
and read them. She wanted to travel in time, and go back in time, to live the
Marsification. She wanted to live. She did. But them she did something that
changed her life. And ended her.

HeLp.
TIME.
What is time? Besides myself. The notion of time.
Time is something very fragile.

Time has the control over everything.

First of all, let’s talk about how you, humans, are seeing it. The first thing I
have to mention is that you don’t have even the smallest idea about what real
time is. For you, insignificant human beings, time is a paradox. When you
need more, it passes too fast. When you have too much, it passes too slow.
For you, time is something that you are never going to be able to buy with
money. It is something that passes away, no matter how you use it. You can
just waste it. Or the opposite, when you’re too busy. Time is a paradox for the
humans mind. A too complex one to be understood by your brains.
SO DON’T EVEN TRY.

TIME.
From where I come, I used to be called so.
Mostly because I control it. You see, every second, something new happens,
and it’s my job to document it. I feel like I am a kind of a writer. But I write
about every single person’s life.
From my side, time is something, as I said before, very fragile. But is
controllable. By everyone. Even you. Even the useless human beings.
You, weird beings, are always saying that “time traveling is impossible” and
“you wish you could stop time”. well, let me tell you one thing. You already
stopped time in the history. Two times. Now I’ll give you some time to think
about your actions.

world and TIME

Wars and afterwords.That’s a way to stop the time. I remember every single
moment in the history. But the first time it happened, I thought that you, stupid
beings, are destroying all the rules of the universe of time and space. “The
war to end all wars”. That’s the way you used to call it. In these four years I
made no memories. I wrote nothing.Well, had to admit it, humans, you
stopped time for Time. No one has ever done that before. After 1918, I
thought that was it. Wars would continue, but not in that way. But then
someone appeared with a revolutionary and too dumb idea. Some kind of
(note I wouldn’t make reference to the real thing give them code names)
crazy “Austrian” wanted to control the world, and because of him, the time
stopped. In some countries. But in the soviet union the time was way more
than stopped. Time was killed. Forget about the development from the rest of
the world. In these poor countries nothing new was happening. While the rest
of the world was starting the development, creating programs and other
opportunities, in the Soviet Union the time was stopped. When it disappeared,
those countries where lost in time. They were in the same year and stuff, but
they were way too much behind, because of the stopped time, for so many
decades.

The death and Time

I know death. Its job is to take the souls, mine is to write it down. Its job is to
observe the colors, my job is to write it down. This reminds me of ...
~The boy who kissed a girl~
Reality three from a infinity

I usually find most of the human beings being strange, weird, and sometimes
(here means always) slightly stupid. But there are some exceptions from time
to time. There are “people” that actually understand the life and the death.
The time and the universe.

***
Griffin Gorge Gehel is a tall and handsome boy, with brown eyes and brown,
curly hair. The freckles are all over his face, and when he looks ate you there
is no way you are not melting.

Catherine Claire Caster is waiting...

Her face is milky- snow, and her green eyes are greener and deeper than the
forests. Her insecurity was charming. For me at least.

Griffin Gorge Gehel was a high school student, but getting ready for his
journalism career. His oversized cloths in the 90’s style, and his round
glasses... There is the thing about him... Fits in even though doesn’t want to.

Catherine Claire Caster was writing novels.She would use to carry her laptop
around and write stories, that would then be combined into an awesome
book. Always wearing mom jeans and oversized sweaters.
 *702*

~
Catherine Claire Caster

NO
NO

NO
This is my first day in this school, and I’m already late to the first lesson(class,
nobody says lesson geez)… I started running on the hallway to get to the
room 207. I’m late, I’m late, I’m late...
“Hey, why are you running?” asked me a boy. “I’m late in my first day…(it’s
my first day and I’m late already)” “Where do you need to go, which class?”
“207” “English? No way, I have the same class! With Mr. Parker, right?”
“Yes…207”.
We walked together to the class, and we entered.
“I would like to introduce to you all, our new classmate... Whats your name?”
he asked. Great. Now I am the girls with no name... “Catherine" I said. “Our
new classmate, Catherine!” He looked at me and smiled. Wow, I bet he has a
girlfriend... with those eyes and that smile…

Mr. Parker is amazing… He’s a genius… The way he sees the world and
words. The way he understands…
So, this year we are going to read “Fahrenheit 451”. I read it. It is am amazing
books, meaning more than the world to me. It inspired me to create Rose. So,
the rules of reading the book are simple.

1. Don’t freak out.

2. Don’t try to write some of the “what it…” theories, because you end up
overthinking.
3. See the light in the river.

The book is about a fireman from the future, when their job was to burn
books. And there is this fireman, named Montag, who starts hiding books. I’m
not telling you more. I have read this book more than three times, and every
time, the message is sending is different.

But the interesting subject wasn’t the only cool thing about this first lesson. I
felt like the whole lesson Griffin was staring at me. Usually when someone
looks at you, and you look back, they would turn their look the other way, and
pretend that it never happened. But not with Griffin. When I turned around at
him, he kept that serious face, and looked me straight into the eyes.

*What would it be like*

~
Gorge Griffin Gehel

I was walking to the schools redaction, to see how the new newspaper was
going on and the same thing happened again. I bumped into Catherine.
“Ooops! Excuse me…” she said, with a shy voice, and then continued
walking. “Wait! Catherine, right?” “Yeah. Look, I have to go to the next
class…” and then just walked away. I found myself alone in the middle of the
hallway.
“Hey, you dropped a book.” Said someone. And then I saw it. “What would it
be like” by Rose Goldberg. I took it in my hand and I realized that Catherine
must’ve drooped it. I started opening random pages, and I saw a lot of
highlighting and notes inside. Weird notes… I decided to return her the book
after lunch. In the meanwhile, the school’s newspaper wasn’t going to just
appear.
I entered in the room and there I saw the best human being alive. Ricky is my
best friend since primary school, and we are working together on the
newspaper, with some other bunch of nerds.
“Ricky. Hey. How’s it going?” “Hey, my man! Its turning out great! We just
need some more pages.” “Cool. Look ,I have to go to return something… but
I’ll see you after.” “Yeah, sure.”

I asked Lilly if she knew Catherine’s schedule, or at least where was she, and
she told me that she was most probably at the library. The place where she
used to spend most for her time.
The school’s library is the most unpopular place in or school. No one is even
getting close to it. I approached, and opened the door, slowly. The place
looked like it was haunted. I started wondering around, looking for Catherine.
In the very back of the library, at an old desk, was sitting Catherine, reading
something.
“Hey.” She looked away from the book for a moment. “Hey.” I said.
I panicked in that moment, and lost all my words.
“Can I… help you with something? I’m pretty sure there is a school librarian,
here, somewhere…”
“Yeah…. No… I mean… I came here looking for you. You dropped your book
in the hallway.” I said, giving her the book.
She looked at me and took it. “Thanks.”And went back to reading.
I was just sitting there like an idiot, looking at her while she was reading. “I
could not notice all the notes that you did inside. They were… very specific. In
a good way.”
“Yeah… I really like her books, but I think that sometimes she could use a bit
of improvement, so I’m just writing it in the book, pretending like she would
read it… It’s weird, I know. Don’t bother.”
A moment of silence.
“I like her books too. They are deep. I can read them a hundred times. And
“What would it be like”. It’s one of my favorite. I wish I could meet Rose, to
have a deep conversation with her, to listen to her pronouncing the words,
building worlds.”
“What would you do if You would be sitting next to her right now?” She asked.
Rose Goldberg is the most genius writer ever.
“Ask her to come and have lunch with me, like right in this instant. But it just
seems insane to meet someone so incredible…”
“Well, maybe you will never meet Rose, but I think me and her have many
things in common, so maybe I could join you.”
“Really? That would be awesome. I mean, really cool. Cool.” I said noting my
head.
What a dumb response. Yeah, Griffin, you overdid yourself this time.
I helped her take all of her books, and together to the cafeteria.
“So, why did you came here, in this school, in this town?” I asked her.
“The society. I moved around all across the country, looking for a place where
I would fit in. Where I would be understood. But, eventually, I just stopped.”
If you would read her answer, you would imagine her, almost crying. But no. It
wasn’t like that. Not at all. She said it calm. She said it like it was a funny
thing. “I stopped”. What a funny thing to say, right?
“So” I said “You came here to fit in?”
“No.”
What a short but hurtful word.
“I came here, to try new things, and to discover what does Catherine Claire
Caster really mean.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that.
“Maybe I can help.” I said. “ You can hang out with me, Ricky and Lilly. We
can help you fit in!”
“ But I don’t want to! I don’t want to fit in. I don’t need the judgment. I don’t
need the rules. I make my own rules.”
We made our way to the school’s cafeteria without saying one word. I just
kept thinking about her words.
We entered and we went to our table.
“Hey guys,” I said.
I told them that Catherine was going to eat with us, and all she did was just to
look at me and nod. Why was she even here? She didn’t looked like she was
enjoying what was happening.
But I ignored it. We all sat down, ate our food quietly, and went to our classes.

Blank
~
Catherine Claire Caster

We finished our school day, and eventually started going home, one by one. I
was at my locker, ready to go home, when Griffin came to me.
“What was that?” He asked.
“What was what?”
“You invite yourself to lunch with us, then tell me that you don’t need us, and
then pretend like everything was just okay, noting your head.”
But he was not angry. He was sad. I didn’t expect that.
“I… “
“Exactly.” He said. “I’m going home. Bye Catherine.” And then just turned his
back and disappeared in the crowed.

I went home, with my computer open, with a blank page opened, Struggling
to find a beginning for the book. I kept thinking about Griffin. I didn’t know
what to do. This was the first time I felt this. I never thought that I would ever
care about someone’s feelings like this. I knew I had to make it right. So, I
texted him to meet me at the small playground in our neighbourhood.

I saw him waiting on the swing. I went to him.

“I have to show you something” I said. “Follow me.”
We walked for half an hour until we reached the top of the heel, at the very
end of our little, insignificant town.
We lay on the grass.
“See these stars?” I asked.
He nod his head.
“Each of them is important in the sky. If one of them would be missing, all the
constellations would be messed up, with holes in them, empty from the
emptiness. If there would be one more star somewhere there, it would be the
same disaster. It’s a harmony. You get that, right?”
He nod again.
“The night sky. It’s exactly like our society. There are more important and
shining stars. There are invisible ones. Now let’s play a little game. Try to find
your star, Griffin. Your reflection in the sky. One that represents you.”
For five minutes, we looked at the stars. Examined each one of them.
Finally, he talked.
“See that big, shining star?” He asked.
“Sure.”
“And now look down the right. There is a small star, not so shiny. That is me.
My reflection. I always dreamed about being a model citizen, like that star. I
always wanted to fit in. But I can’t. I can’t fit in one box. I need seven. That’s
why the star is so tiny. It is close to the shiny one, even though they don’t look
the same. They are the exact opposite, if I may say. The big one represents
my aspirations. ”
He looked at me and smiled, like he was waiting for me to congratulate him
for figuring that out.
“See that blank space?” I asked. “There is a star too. But it is so far away, so
unimportant, and so invisible, that you can’t even notice it. You see only the
blank black. Well, I tend to compare these blanks with myself. People don’t
exactly need me, but you can still see the space that I’m covering. But know
it’s your turn to decide what do you want to see. You can see that black
emptiness, and ignore it. Or, you can choose to see what is hiding there,
trying to be invisible.”
We looked at each other.
“I chose to see you.” He said.
Slowly approaching, gently pushing his soft lips against mine. I closed my
eyes for those seconds, that felt like eternities after eternities.
I opened my eyes, to find my face a few centimeters away from his.
“You know what I also like about the stars?” He said.” They also hide
messages. Just look at them, and tell me that they are not a million topics
passing through your mind. They are gates. And when you got to them, and
got them opened, they will eventually show you even more gates.”
We both looked at the stars, like we would feel the need to confirm his theory.
And then it hit me. I came here to not fit in. I came here to stop changing
myself for the people and for the society. But, it turned out the other way
around. I looked for my blank black space in the sky, and it felt like it just
disappeared. Maybe stars really represent yourself. You just need to find your
own star, and your own self.

Observing
~
Gorge Griffin Gehel

We woke up in the middle of the night, and we realized afterwords that we fell
asleep.Observe
~
Gorge Griffin Gehel
We woke up in the middle of the night, and we realized afterwords that we fell
asleep.
“I have to go home,” she said.
We both took our backpacks and made our way home quietly.
We arrived at her front door.
I wished her good night, maybe hoping that she would maybe come to me...
“Good night, Griffin,” she said, entering the house.

I went home by myself, walking for five more minutes. I entered in my room,
and thought about this night. I laid on the bed, and started laughing. I don’t
really know why. Maybe I was amused by the fact that I know this girl for
maximum a week, and I already feel so close to her.
She said she didn’t wanted to fit in. I Can’t fit in. So maybe, we can be
different together.
After our little walk, we started going out every night. Sometimes, we would
just sit there, without saying one word, watching the stars. We found our
constellations. We found our friends too. We found our thoughts. We found
everything that we could ever imagine about.
Some nights felt like forever. Some just passed away like a shadow. Until one
day.
December... Holidays...
Fun...
Presents...
Family and friends...
Right?
Not for me...
Christmas Eve.
In the morning. Me and my little brother and sister were eating breakfast, to
eventually find out that our parents would leave in a few hours, because they
decided to have a Christmas just in two. So they packed their luggage,
dropped my sister and brother at the train station, to go to my grandparents,
and them went to the airport.
Christmas Eve.
8 p.m.
Sitting alone in the entire house, eating Mac&cheese.
A few seconds after I finished my food, I heard the doorbell. I opened.
Catherine. Sitting at my front door.
“I have to tell you something...” she said.
In that moment, I thought about literally every little possible thing.
“But we will have to do it later, or whenever you are free. Its Christmas Eve... I
bet you are sitting with your family and eating some fancy food or
something... We can meet at the weekend, if you want.”
Yeah right... family and nice food.
“If me being home alone and eating Mac&cheese seems to you like the entire
family eating some fancy Christmas meal...” I said.
She looked at me, smiled, and entered inside.
“Take your shoes off.” I said.

“Why?” she asked.

“You look like you borrowed snow-man’s boots... take them off, Catherine.”
“If you say so.”
She took them off, but I still figured a way to get my feet wet from all that
snow. She went to the kitchen.
“Mac&cheese, you were saying.”
I asked her if she wanted some, and we ate another portion in half an hour.
After we finished it, we were just sitting at the table, one in front of each other,
without saying one word.
“So... you came here to eat?” I asked sarcastically.
She looked at me.
“No,” she said laughing. “You have some of Rose Goldberg’s books, don’t
you?”
I nod my head.
We went upstairs in my room, to find them.
“You know how people are always telling us that mirrors are portals to
another world... doors to other dimensions, and things like that?”
“Sure.”
“Well, here is a theory,” she said. “ I don’t believe that. People are comparing
a mirror with a door. But here is the thing. Imagine opening a door. What do
you see?”
Tricky question, Catherine.
“I see..” I said. “I see something new. Like a new world that would eventually
become one with our’s. But it is something different.”
And then it hit me, but she said it before I could even open my mouth.
“Exactly. A door is the exact opposite of a mirror!”
Listening to her talking about things like this made me realize how
passionate, amazing and creative she was. Was.
“People just don’t get it!” she continued. “Doors or windows. Mirrors. They just
don’t get along. Mirrors are only going to show you something that you
already know about. Are going to block you here. Are going to show you the
shadows behind you. Are going to scare you. Are going to keep you here.”
I was looking at her while she was talking, and I realized that all this theory
sounded terribly familiar.
“Do you have “In red socks” by Rose Goldberg?”
I went to my bookshelf and gave it to her.
She started opening random pages... looking for something.
“Read this paragraph.” she said.
And I read it.
It sounded exactly like what Catherine just told me a few second earlier.
“What...?”
I was confused. Did she memorize Rose’s books so well? Or... did she write
them...?
“Catherine. What is this supposed to mean?”
“ I wrote this book a year ago.”

And them I had a flashback. Catherine’s strange notes in the books. She
talking about Rose like herself. Knowing every word from her books.
“It all makes sense now.”
This hit me like a tsunami.
“So you are Rose...” I continued.
She agreed.
“I know it feels strange, and you are probably angry, or confused... and I
completely understand. I just... I never told anyone about this. No one knows
about Rose. No one. You are the first person who found out, Griffin.”
Quiet.
“Angry?” I asked. “ I will tell you what am I, Catherine Claire Caster.”
I leaned slowly to her, our lips carefully touching. An electric wave passing
through the entire room. So many confuse feelings. It was so sadly amazing.
So amazingly sad.
“I am inspired by your books, Rose Goldberg.”
“But why have you hidden this from everyone?” he asked.
“I don’t want to be seen by the world like the teenage girl that wrote some
books.I want to be known by people for the kind of person I am, not for
something I have done. It’s just a little thing that I like to keep secret about
me. I can keep all of my thoughts save, with no one knowing that it was
actually me, but at the same time, I can see the reaction to my writing.”

Hide and seek

~
Catherine Claire Caster
We hang out the whole winter. Read my books together. Wrote together.
And ate Mac&cheese.
January, 6
“People liking people” I said. “Where did you got this idea?”
“My first idea was to actually name this book “People faking liking people” but
I thought: nah, the reader needs to think, right? There were so many people
that were pretending to like me, just so they could copy the homework, or to
get me to write their essays. You never realize how fake some people are,
until one day, you will need them to return the favor, and they will treat you
like garbage.”

February, 21
“What is so special about “Fahrenheit 451” he asked.
“This book seems to be only about some fire and books,” I said. ”But there is
so much more.
Live as you drop dead in ten seconds.”
But all the good times have an ending, am I right?
In March my mom and dad told me that we were going to move back to the
UK , because my grandparents are getting sick, so we would leave Indiana in
April. Why would it matter that we bought a house, and finally settled down,
after such a long time...
“Hey, Griffin,” I said to him, in my last day at school. “We have to talk about
something... Let’s meet on the top of the heel at 5 p.m. tomorrow. Is that okay
for you?”
“Yes. Sure,” he said.

“I’m going out, mom!” I yelled.

And then I opened the door and stepped in the dry rain with an umbrella
above my head. Raindrops.
I arrived on the top of the hill, and I saw him there.
“Catherine. Hey.”

Isn’t it funny? Sometimes, when things really start to make sense, to mean
something, to feel something, you have to leave everything you know. To
forget it all.
Feelings.
Haven’t heard of them for a long time. Human feelings. So strict. So weird. So
dangerous. So sad. But so amazing, though. So confuse. You can’t even
understand them.
I once imagine what would it be like to feel other’s feelings. And here I am not
talking about physical feelings, like pain. Imagine looking at someone, and
feel all the sadness, or happiness, or pain, or excitement they feel. You would
know exactly how to act. What to say, and how. But sometimes it would be
painful. You look at a person and feel all the disappointment and sadness
they feel, but cannot help you. You are too weak. You are afraid of messing
things up even more. You are afraid of showing your weaknesses, and just
decide to let them suffer on their own. And even if you would ever try to help
them. You can’t. You could never do it. Sometimes, the human brain decides
to trick itself, being convinced that his problems are way important, bigger,
and complex than they actually are, or have ever been. It’s a self-defense
mechanism. It’s afraid of face it them in real life. So the only thing it can do, is
to let them become bigger in his imagination, so then they could let them kill
him. To pretend to have no excuses of acting somehow.

“I wish I could turn the time back, Griffin. I want to be a kid again, with no
worries. Or at least when I first met you.” I said. “ I am moving back ti
England. Today was my last day at school.Sorry that I haven’t told you. I
should’ve.”
He was quiet for some time.
“So that’s it? You’re just... leaving everything you have here? Without even
bothering to tell me at least a week earlier?”
I started to cry.
“Sorry. I am sorry.” I said quietly.
He hugged me from the back, and we laid on the hood of the car.
“So... you are moving. To England. Why? Why, exactly are you moving?”
“My grandparents are getting sick, Griffin. We have to go back.”
“And exactly when you started to be happy, you are leaving...”
“You don’t have to worry about me, Griffin. I am used to forgetting sections
from my life.”
“And am I going to be forgotten, Rose? Am I just a chapter in your book, that
is just going to be left behind, and be burnt at 451 degrees?”
“What? No. No, Griffin. We.. are going to talk, and meet sometimes. Okay?
We have to have trust in each other.”
“Sure...”he said. “Let’s play hide and seek. You hide, I will find you, and then
you will find me. Like in the old times. Let’s pretend like we are stupid kids for
one more night. Let’s forget about all our worries.”
I looked at him, and realized how lucky was I to have him.
“Can i at least have an goodbye kiss?” I asked him.
“It’s... It’s not <Goodbye> yet...”
I looked up at him, took his face in my hands, and kissed him. It was breaking
my heart, knowing what was going to happen. But I didn’t had a choice. We
tend to replace our brain with our heart. To take things to hard, and to
overthink a lot. And then we just break. We give up.
“Hide,” he said. “I will count.”
Goodbye, Griffin, I thought.
Wet french fries
~
Gorge Griffin Gehel

I looked everywhere.
“CaThErInE!!?”
. She was just gone.
“CaThErInE!!!?”
I started to call her.
“Catherine!?”
I shouted there for at least two hours.
“Catherine...?”
She was nowhere.
I just fell on the cold and wet ground. On the rocks.
I like staying out in rain, where no one can see the tears.
It was pouring over me, and I was historically crying.
Until.
I felt two hands on my shoulders.
I got up, and It was Ricky and Lilly. Turns out they were marking out in their
car.
“Griffin! Oh my God! What happened?” They both asked.
But it just seemed like I lost all my words.
“I... Rose.... Catherine...”
They both looked at me confused.
“Griffin. What. In. The. World. Happened?”
Well, how should I say it? I just found out that Catherine was going to move to
The UK, and we wanted to spend a last night together, and she just went into
the woods, and vanished.
And then I told them that.
“Ricky, call the police. Ambulance. Whatever. Just call someone!”
The rest was a blurry.
I was a bunch of cold and wet feelings.
I was lost.
“We need you to tell us what happened,” said a the policeman.
[] [] []

Sometimes, some human beings are just so extraordinarily profound.

Catherine Claire Caster will always be in our memories as our Rose, with her
book, and her pasta with cheese.
But sometimes.
Sometimes.
There are things, that you, human beings, do not know.
And will never know.

~ Help the human in the sky~ Reality four from infinity

After death, thoughts are confusing.

Someone once asked me, “How was your life like?”. I would tell them about
my family. About my school. About the tasks I’d have to do. And at one
moment, I blew air in my chest, and I died.
“Welcome to the Heavens. You can go register at desk number 7. We’ve
been waiting for you, and we’re glad you finally came,” said a nice lady to me.
At my right and left there were many desks. Behind the lady there was a
simple road, that seemed to go on forever.
Seven.
I remembered now some blurry memories.
She started preparing some papers, like I was going to an interview.
“Excuse me.” I said.
She looked at me and smiled.
“Yes?”
I analyzed the surroundings for half a second, looking for some hints.
“Where am I?”
She started laughing.
“Oh dear, you’ll understand everything in the minutes to\ come. But for that,
you have to go to desk number seven.”
I nod my head, and left.

“There you are, sweetie! You have finally arrived! Welcome. Pleas, take a
seat,” said a young boy. Around the age of 15.
I looked down at the seat, and that was the moment when I realized that the
floor was made of a very soft material. I felt like I was walking on a cloud.
“Why do people know me here?” I asked.
The boy smiled.
“I will explain immediately,” he said.
I looked around, returning my look after a few seconds.
“My name is Klaus. I am your personal trainer for the after life, until you
decide what do you want t do next...”
I didn’t even let him finish.
“Excuse me, but I think I misheard something. Have you said ‘after life’?”
He laughed.
“Yes. I did say that.”
I am dreaming, am I?
“Miss? Are you okay?”
I nod my head.
“You had a mortal life. You died. Now, you are here. ”
“So I’m in Heaven? I always thought I might end up in hell.”
“There is no hell or heaven, Miss. We are on the clouds.”
Well that was unexpected.
“Here, everyone has a job to do. I will give you a list of activities that will help
you decide. And my task is to be here to give you advice, to provide you with
all the information you need. And, of course to answer to all of your questions.
Shall we?” he said, looking to the road.
He started walking, and I followed him.
Once we passed by the desks, a huge city just appeared out of nowhere.
All the buildings where covered in snow, and the ground was made of super
fluffy cloud. It was nice, but very uncomfortable at the same time. I was not
used to such things. But at the same time, I had no idea what was I used to or
not. I felt like all of my memories form my life were locked somewhere in the
back of my brain. And no matter how hard would I think, I couldn’t remember
any of them.
“Klaus?” I said.
He looked at me.
“Yes, Miss?”
“Why can’t I remember my ‘mortal life’?”
“It’s for your own safety, Miss. And the council will decide if you can get your
memories back at the end. You see, There are three opportunities. First, you
can stay up here in the clouds, having a job, like me, for example. Being a
trainer and ‘meet and greet’-er. But if you stay here like this, you will never get
your mortal memories back. Option two, you go to earth as a new born baby,
and I guess it’s obvious that you will completely forget everything. Or, you can
also choose the third option, you can go on earth, as a body-less soul.’
“As a ghost?” I asked.
“Exactly.”
We continued walking, and finally arrived in the city.
Many people would just stop and look at me. Some of them smiling and
waiving at me. Some not.
“Where do all these people know me?” I asked.
“You are considered an hero here, Miss.” Klaus said.
“Why?”
“I am afraid that this is one question that I cannot answer, Miss.”
“Here, we arrived at your flat,” he continued. “The fifth level, room 53.”
He gave me the a pair of keys.
“The blue one is for the flat’s room. The small cloud chain is for the elevator
and front door. The pink key is for your car.”
“I have a car?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said. “Oh, and one more thing, Miss,” Klaus said, handing me
a buch of folders. “Here is the information about your options. We meet again
tomorrow morning. If you have questions, just call me.”
I nod my head, and looked at the building. It was covered in this soft, white
texture. It wasn’t snow, nor cloud.
“Wait, but I don’t have a phone...” I said, turning around.
That’s when I saw that Klaus was nowhere to see.
Here goes nothing...
I went to the front door.
Cloud... I need a chain...
There it was, the little cloud.
I scanned it, and the door opened as wide as it could. I entered the building.
The walls were white.
Fifth floor. Door 53.
I scanned the cloud again, this time to enter the elevator.
“Oh God!” Said a girl that was probably my age. “Are you... really... Her?”
The girl had black and curly, shiny hair, and smelled like cherries. Her eyes
were black, and her skin was white like snow, and she had freckles on her
face.
“I guess... I am.” I said.
“I am Catherine. Nice to meet you.” She said.
Behind her was a big mirror. I looked at myself. I looked... pretty. I had short,
dark blue hair, and black eyes. But something was wrong.
“Is everything alright?” Catherine asked.
I was still staring in the mirror.
“No. Everything is not alright. I found out that I had a real life on something
called Earth, and I may never recover my memories, that I have to choose to
go back down or stay here. And it is all just stupid. I want to know what my life
was like, so I can decide what my life is going to be like. And why do people
know me? Klaus told me that I’m a hero here. Hero why? Because of what?
And why are my eyes black?!”
Catherine started to look worried.
“Wanna talk about it? Would you like a nice, hot, cup of tea at my place?”
I nod my head.
We entered in her flat. It was really pretty.
It had this super retro style like in the 80’s. She had posters of bands and
singers all over her her room.
I followed her into the large open space. At one wall, a mint, red and black
kitchen was full of cookbooks and nice tea sets.
On the other side of the room was a big, flat TV, a sofa, and a coffee table.
“It’s really nice.” I said.
“Thank you,” she said.
I wondered around, and I cold not notice a open door. I looked trough, and I
saw massive bookshelves, all full.
“Wow. Those area lot off books...Have you read all of them?” I asked.
“No, silly. I would need an eternity for that. But there are many books I love.
Come,” she said.
I followed her inside the room.
“You see, when you come here, they give you some things that will help you
feel like home. They gave me my style, a you can see, how I dress, and how
my flat looks like. And they told me that I wrote these books while I was alive,”
she said, showing me a bunch of books.
I looked at each one.

In red socks.
What would it be like.
Death and life.
Help the human in the clouds.
The being that fell from the sky.
Quietly.
Open the window.
The pathway to the church.

“But... it’s written by...” I started.

“Yes, they told me that I used another name to publish them. I was confused
too. But it feels weird reading them. I feel so close to the words written inside,
but at the same time, I don’t understand the meaning of all that. I feel like I
am so far away from my life... my real life...” she said.
We were quiet for some moments.
“So, the tea, my dear?” She asked me with her British accent.
I nod my head.
“Sure.”

We were sitting at the table, each one with a cup of tea in our hands. The
cups were really nice. They had an old Japanese design, with those pink, little
flowers.
“May I ask you one more question?”
“Sure, silly,” she said. “Anything you need.”
“Why are everyone’s eyes black?”
She avoided my look.
“I...I don’t know...”
“Klaus must know, right?”
She looked at me with a shocked face.
“Yes, of course he knows, but you cannot ask him questions like that. Why
are we here, why you can’t access your memories... They will get rid of you.”
She said.
“But... I’m already dead...”
“Look, I would tell the truth... but I can’t. They are following all of us. But there
is someone who can help you with that. He can even help you recover your
memory before choosing an job. But first you have to talk to Klaus.”
“Ummm... You literally said that I shouldn’t. Two seconds ago.”
“Yes, but you have a full day with him tomorrow, right?”
I nod my head.
“So, ask him questions about the jobs. Stuff like that.”
That could be useful. But was Catherine right? Can you recover memories
without them knowing. Was there someone who could help me remember?
We finished out tea quietly.

I went to my flat. I slowly opened the door. It made a ‘click’ sound. Let me say,
I had some expectations. But this time they did not became true.
I entered in a room. I saw a door on my right. It was a bathroom. The floor
and a part of the walls were covered in white tiles. The rest was white.
I got out of the bathroom, and ended up in an open space.
It’s the kitchen and living room, I thought.
The kitchen was white. Basic, you can call it.
The living room has a gray couch.
The bedroom has a bed.
All the walls has a dirty gray color.
And that was it.
How could Catherine’s flat be so... pretty? And how could mine be so... gray?

I woke up because of a loud ringtone.

“Ummm... Hello?” I said.

“Oh, thanks God you answered!”
It was Klaus. I could recognize his voice.
“We have a meeting today, remember?”
“Yeah, sure.” I said.
I totally forgot.
And plus, I was anxious. After all the things Catherine said yesterday.
“I’m downstairs. I’ll be waiting for you here.” He said.
And then he hung up.

I went to the closet, and it was full of white clothes.

Was I so obsessed with white?
I took a pair of white pants, and a white top. I found a jacket. It was white.

“Klaus.” I said, when I arrived down.

“Miss. Are you wondering about are we going to do today?”
Not really.
“Mhm.”
“Follow me, Miss.”
And I did.
And we walked for an hour, without saying one word.
And then we arrived.
We arrived somewhere.
I was not exactly sure where.
We entered in a building, covered in that shiny snow.
We arrived in an office, and sat down at a desk.
“So ,Miss, as we talked yesterday, you have three choices for your future.
First two ones are very good, if I might say.”
You may not.
“So what are they.” I asked.
“As I told you yesterday, the first one is to stay here. You can get almost any
job you want. Yo have a home. Friends. Everything you need. I’ll give you
information about what jobs are available. The second one is to go on Earth
as an new born baby. I don’t think you need more explanations. And then it’s
the third one. You go down on Earth. You get your memories back. But you
are invisible for everything and everyone, for an eternity.”
Why do I have to choose...
“I can’t figure out what do I want to do, if I don’t know what I did. I may choose
the third option, but how do I know if the people I knew are alive, and where
to find them.”
“That’s why you get an eternity for that, Miss. It’s easy to choose,you see.
You just do what your heart tells you to.”

“And what if my heart tells me that this whole thing is wrong...?” I asked
Catherine in the afternoon.
“Well...” She said, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.
She turned white immediately, like there was a monster behind that door. She
looked at me, and seemed worried. She went to the door, and there were two
men. They looked like doctors, but wearing black instead of white.
“Miss Catherine?” He said.
She nod her head.
“We’re prescribing you a medication.” The tall man said, handing her a jar of
pills.
“But I don’t need your medication.” She said.
The tall man laughed sarcastically.
“Everyone does.”
I was sitting a the table, with the cup of tea in my hand, seeing how Catherine
swallowed two pills.
The two men leaved the room.
Catherine, on the other hand, was terrified.
“Catherine? What’s going on. What’s with the pills. What medication?”
“I told you too much... You have to be careful, 359. And don’t listen to what
they say, ad what I will say. I will loose my mind, but that’s okay. Run. Run as
far, and as fast as you can.” She told me.
And then she started hysterically laughing.
“Catherine? Catherine, what’s going on? Who’s 359.”
But she was just laughing. And then she stopped. She looked around her.
“Home... “she whispered. “I’m home.”
And then her eyes got wet, and she started crying happiness tears.
“And you are here too. We are together. Finally. Have I found him? Where is
he?”
She started shouting.
She looked up at me.
“Is he still on the hill?” She asked me.
What was she talking about.
“You are still in your flat, and we have found no one.”
“No...no...”
She barely got up, and went in the kitchen. She took the jar of pills.
“You will remember. You will remember everything.” She said, giving me two
pills.
“Catherine. You are going insane. Go an sleep.”
“No! No! No. No...” her words were quietly failing away.
And then she swallowed the pills.
And then two more. And two more.
“Catherine! Stop!” I shouted.
She looked at me, and started laughing.
“Why don’t know anything, do you? You don’t know anything! Anything!”
I stored out of her apartment, and I went back home.
“What have you done to her?!” I was shouting to the phone.
“I gave her memories back, as she really wanted to.” Klaus said.

I couldn’t fall asleep that night. The way she said that she is home, that she
remembered. And I don’t know anything. I thought that maybe I could go back
to her apartment, and take two pills. In that way I would understand what was
she talking about. And maybe I could really remember. But first, I had to talk
to Catherine about what she knew.

In the morning, I went to her apartment.

I slowly opened the door.
It was quiet and cold. All the windows were wide open.
The apartment was empty. No sign of Catherine.
Until I went to the library.
She was laying on the floor, reading her own books.
“I remember now. More than I need to.”
I sat down near her.
“What do you remover, Catherine.”
“I’m Rose. And I did a bad thing.”
We sat there, on the cold floor, and read her books.
“Why do you want your memories back so bad anyways?” She asked me.
“I don’t know who I am anymore. And I am hoping that maybe getting them
back may help me find out.”
“You don’t need to know your past. That is exactly what they are trying to do
here. Why they won’t give ‘em back. To let us build a new identity. And you’re
trying to destroy that.”
And then she just swallowed almost all the pills left in the jar.
“You destroy everything.” She said, while reading.
I saw two pills left in the jar. I took them in my hand, and looked at them. One
of them was black. The other on was half red, half blue.
I looked at Catherine. She was reading the books, and she really understood
why she wrote them. Why. And how.
The pills were now in my moth. I was gonna swallow my memories.

“Ocean.”
I turned and saw him. Seven.