Erika Mae L.

Isip -WFU

October 28,2019

I Love You But Not In That Way

Marriage and companionate romantic love is so overrated that it overlooks the value of

other caring relationship. Elizabeth Brake ,a professor of philosophy of Arizona State University,

calls this bias viewpoint on marital and sensual love relationship labeled as special site and the

belief that romantic love is a fundamental purpose, 'amatonormativity ': It consists of the

premises that for humans a primary, exclusive, amorous relationship is natural, that it is a

universally shared objective, and that such a relationship is standard, that it should be pursued in

comparison to other types of relationships. (Brake, 2012).

In terms of physiological aspect, the scientific form of love is generated from the brain by

the neurochemical and hormonal activities. There are three main neurochemicals which activates

romantic love: Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. Romantic love, defined in physiological

terms, is state which drives individuals to a suitable companion carefully and is the most lavish

and rewarding of such psychological structures. Evolutionarily, it is peculiar in that it serves the

purpose of advancing spouses beyond the boundaries of association as a method of measurement

to insure efficient reproduction. This includes, in a physiological context, stimulation of reward-

centered brain areas as well as deactivation of areas correlated with anxiety and reason. Lastly,

the neurochemical and hormonal account of love is complex in its involvement of bonding-

related release of oxytocin, reward-related release of dopamine, and addiction-related serotonin

inhibition. (Gibson, 2015).

 In the face of a society which conforms to the amatonormative belief and the innate

physiological aspect of the human body to have romantic love, exists people who contradict the

societal consensus and biological process: the aromantics, also known as “aro.”

The term aromantic is formed by combining the prefix a- which means “not” and

romantic which refers to things “related to romance”. It was said to be used in the same context

as the word aromatic back in the 1820s. Only around the mid-1980s that people began to

perceived it in a sense of something “non-romantic”. However, it is not known when exactly it

started to be connected with its present meaning (“Aromantic”,2019).

The word aromantic refers to individuals who experience little to no romantic attraction.

We often confuse asexuality and aromanticism. Both are similar in terms of lack of attraction, but

the area in which they lack attraction are different. The difference lies between sexual orientation

and romantic orientation. Romantic orientation influences an individual’s romantic attraction

while sexual orientation is concerned more with sexual attraction. Not all people are both

aromantic and asexual at the same time. Some are asexual but not aromantic, and some are the

other way around. (“Aromantic”,2019).

There are two types of aromantic people: the aromantic sexual and the aromantic asexual.

People who identify as aromantic sexual do not feel any romantic attraction but it is possible for

them to experience sexual attraction. Thus, these people do engage in sexual activities even with

the absence of romance (DePaulo,2017).

One example of this is Sayeed, an agender demi-girl who identifies as aromantic sexual.

She said that she had had sex when she was 16 or 17 with both girls and boys. Sayeed still has

sex from time to time. According to her, she doesn’t experience any romantic attraction. “I had
never known the technical word for it or whatever. I’m still able to feel love: I love my friends,

and I love my family.” But of falling in love, Sayeed says, without any dejection or hesitation

that this might change in the near future, “I guess I just don’t see why I ever would at this point.”

[ CITATION Tim15 \l 1033 ].

On an interview with Health, Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Southern

California, defined that aromantic relationships are formed with the absence of romantic

intentions. This kind of relationship can be purely platonic and he believes it can be purely

sexual as well. In addition, romance and sex are two different things which can be experienced

independently; there is one without the other. He concluded that someone who is aromantic

“would have sex for the physical pleasure, not for the satisfaction of their emotional cravings

(Lauriello S.,2019)

Meanwhile, people who identify as aromantic asexual do not experience romantic

attraction nor sexual attraction, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t experience love. They just

perceive relationships differently, in a more vast sense of the word (DePaulo,2017). In addition

to that, aromantic relationships are also known as queerplatonic, because they queer (doesn’t

conform to norms of) platonic relationships (AVEN,2019). A platonic relationship is a

relationship without romance or sex. This is related to Plato’s belief that a strong love between

two individuals can surpass the need for physical intimacy (“Platonic”,2019). Also, aromantic

people may experience what they call “squishes” which are somewhat identical to a

romantic crush.

According to Asexual Visibility and Education Network (2019), being aromantic doesn’t

mean that they are not capable of loving others. It also doesn’t mean that they have emotional
problems nor difficulties in making personal connections. It’s just that they don’t have the

instinctive necessity to form romantic connections.

Presently, scientific researches entirely dedicated to aromanticism are lacking. It is also

possible that there is still a reluctance to talk about it. However, even if there is lack of literature

it is important to clear the misconceptions about aromantic people. Keep in mind that

Aromantics don’t have emotional disorders and like all romantic identities they can also have

any sexual orientation.

Majority of the population conforms to the amatonormative view of the society wherein

amorous relationship is seen as superior to other relationships. This view puts a social pressure

on people to follow the pattern that everyone will fall in love someday, get married and then

build their own family. However, romance is not all there is in love and attraction can’t be

considered as love. That’s why even though Aromantics do not experience romantic attraction;

they are proof that you can also be passionate in loving your friends, siblings, and parents. In the

end, what matters is having a genuine and deep bond with the people that you love.
References

Brake, E. (2012). Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law. Oxford University
Press.
Gibson, L. S. (January 2015). The Science of Romantic Love: Distinct. International Journal of
Undergraduate Research and Creative.
Murphy, T. (2015, October 19). Identity-Free Identity Politics. New York Magazine.

Lauriello, S. (2019,February 2019). What’s the Difference Between Asexual and Aromantic? We
Called in the Experts. Retrieved from https://www.health.com/sex/asexual-aromantic-sexuality

Asexual Visibility and Education Network (2019). Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

Retrieved from https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/90-romantic-and-aromantic-orientations/

DePaulo,B. (2017,October,26).That's so Aromantic!.Retrieved from

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201710/s-so-aromantic

Aromantic.(2019). In dictionary.com. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/e/gender-

sexuality/aromantic/#usage

Platonic.(2019).In Merriam-Webster .Retrieved from https://www.merriam-

webster.com/dictionary/platonic