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 Lights up on a chain restaurant in Suburbia,
somewhere on the East Coast. Probably like an
Applebee's, or a Red Robin. A man, WARREN, sits at a
table waiting for something he knows is gonna be
awkward. After a few seconds, a respectable, well-
educated woman, ANNA, enters and finds WARREN. They
greet each other, uncomfortably:
WARREN
Hey!

A hug.
ANNA
Hi! How are you?
WARREN
I'm doing pretty well, I haven't seen you in so long!

ANNA
Yeah... it's been what, 2 years since I left?
All lights out except for a spotlight on WARREN. He
tells the audience:
WARREN
4 years, 7 months and 14 days since her flight left to
Anchorage.
We return:

ANNA
Good grief, it's been so long since we've talked! Sit down,
sit down. Would you like anything?
WARREN
Oh, Anna, I-
ANNA
And don't protest either, everything's on me. You can do the
tip if you want but everything's on me! Waiter!

A waiter comes
ANNA (CONT’D)
Get this man a beer! Just some hot water with lemon for me.
Anyways, how are you, Warren? I haven't spoken with you since
I left. It's been too long! Tell me, how are things holding
up for you?
Spotlight on WARREN as he stands
 2.

WARREN
I told her to call me when she landed. She sent me a text
when she touched down that said ¨Here¨ without so much as an
exclamation point. That's the last time we spoke. I haven't
had a drink since New Year's 2006.

WARREN sits, we return:

WARREN (CONT’D)
Oh, yeah, so long... well... Anna, I've been... Pretty good!
I'm manager at work now, so things are pretty good there,
uhh, my sister got married last year. Kyle's a great guy, and
Jess loves him. She's pregnant - due in September.
ANNA
(who did not remember he
had a sister)
Oh, yeah, Jess! Yep, her, i'm glad she's doing well.
A silence. The following lines occur at the same
time.
ANNA (CONT’D)
So work!
WARREN
Your trip!

ANNA
Sorry, go ahead
WARREN
Oh! I'm so sorry
HE submits
WARREN (CONT’D)
How was your trip?
ANNA
My trip?
WARREN
The one you were on for 2 years?

Spotlight on WARREN
WARREN (CONT’D)
4 Years, 7 months, 14 days.
We return:
ANNA
Well that wasn't very much of a trip, per se.
 3.

WARREN
Then what would you call it?
ANNA
A sort of... distraction.
WARREN
A distraction? From what?
A spotlight on ANNA:
ANNA
(who writes in a notepad)
4 Years, 7 Months and 14 days. That's the length of time
where it becomes so awkward that a man will deny he ever did
anything wrong. But that's just awkward. A man will deny he
ever did anything wrong out of spite or anger in about 49
seconds.
We return:
ANNA (CONT’D)
(making it all up)
From... the boring routine of daily life... yeah! The hum-
drum of suburbia, so... boring.
WARREN
(who can tell she is lying)
Yeah.

Beat
WARREN (CONT’D)
I'm so sorry. About - that. That shouldn't happen to anyone,
least of all you.
ANNA
Yeah, well. 2 years of hitchhiking around the country makes
you forget about it all.
Spotlight on both, each separately.
BOTH
4 years, 7 months and 14 days.
We return.
WARREN
I really am, so sorry.
ANNA
I know you are.
 4.

An incredible amount of tension. They would both

rather talk about anything else. Something---
Anything! Finally, WARREN does:
WARREN
Hey, did you know there's only one state in the nation that
doesn't share a single letter with its capital?
ANNA
(Maybe really interested,
maybe leaping towards any
other conversation)
Oh really? That's cool! Which one is it?
WARREN
I'll betcha can't guess it...

ANNA
Well, let me think.
ANNA thinks, in a spotlight.
ANNA (CONT’D)
Let's rule out the easy ones here. It's not going to be any
state with more than one word, so that takes out North and
South Carolina, North and South Dakota, anything with "New"
In front of it. Those, and West Virginia. I remember West
Virginia. The people are the rudest you'll ever meet but the
place has personality. I remember, it was morning, I had
thumbed a ride to Pikeville, in Kentucky. Kentucky.Hmm...f-r-
a-n-K! Dammit! West Virginia was the 8th-to-last state I had
to visit, which makes no sense, cause it's so close. Anyway,
I was walking down a highway near Pikeville and it was about
7:15, and the sun was just coming up. And just as I got to
the top of the hill it peeked its rays over the trees and all
that lay above me was mountains and mountains of black and
blue rock. I got the most glorious feeling. Then, all of a
sudden, I looked to my right, and there it was, "Welcome to
West Virginia, a State of Industry." Of course the sign was
rusted and looked like it'd had it's fair share of beatings,
but it was still standing there, welcoming me to the mountain
state. It takes about 20 minutes to walk from that sign to a
place called the Williams Family Diner, the first sign of
civilization. In other words, it takes exactly 28 minutes for
the West Virginians to ruin West Virginia.
We return:
ANNA (CONT’D)
(forgetting she has ruled
out this state)
West Virginia?
 5.

WARREN
No, Charleston has an A, an R, an E, an S, a T and an N.