Mumaya Thapa

Pradip Raj Giri

Engl 568: Academic Writing

22 June 2017

Regretting that Silence

Sexual harassment is a serious problem that every female has to face either she is

young or grown up. Girls are sexually abused at home, at school, at workplace, while

travelling in public vehicles or even while walking on the street. Sometimes it happens so

unpredictable and unbelievable. A stranger suddenly put his hands to your private body parts

and walks away as if nothing has happened. Though it happens so frequently, it rarely

appears to the public with evidence unless the victim opens her mouth. Every girl has untold

stories of sexual harassment; either it may be an unpleasant touch or a horrible rape. Not all

the girls dare to speak against the perpetrator or revolt against that monstrous behavior. I too

have an untold story which haunts me still now.

The incident happen when I was just a twelve year young girl. I was studying in sixth

grade in a boarding school nearby our village in Syangja. As I was the first student of our

class all the teachers used to praise me and I was very close to all the teachers whether male

or female. I used to consult teacher if I felt any confusion or difficulty both inside and outside

the classroom. That was the age of innocence and I could not understand wrong intentions of

people.

It was the year 2060 B.S when I was studying in sixth grade and it was the beginning

of the month of Falgun. The academic session of that year was about to end. The academic

course was almost completed and we were busy doing revision exercises and preparing for
the annual examination. It was Nepali period and sir had given us some exercise to do as

class work. As soon as I completed my class work, I stood and called sir to check my copy.

Then, he stood beside my seat, checked my copy. While giving my copy, his hands happened

to touch my left breast. I felt that touch so unpleasant and I was very much scared. Suddenly

my heart beat very fast and I was shaking. Quickly I sat on my bench not knowing what to

do. I was so disturbed but I could not say anything because he was so normal. I thought that

may have happened accidentally because he had not behaved like that before and all the

students used to like him and respect him.

After two days, he repeated the same thing. Now I got so scared. I understood all that

was intentional. Many questions arouse in my mind: why did he behave with me like that,

why he did so to me not with someone else and so on. I thought my classmates did not notice

that because he behaved so innocent and everyone was busy doing their work. Since then I

began to stay away from him. I was so disturbed and could not concentrate on my study. I

was so afraid even to see him. I changed my seat from first bench to third one. I used to feel

secure when he would be absent in the school. After few days he asked our exercise books

and returned the next day. I got so afraid to see that he had written “I like you. Why are you

avoiding me these days? Don’t you like me?” That was the most frightening moment. He

asked me in the class, “What is your answer?” I replied, “No.” After that he seemed to be

very furious and I noticed change in his behavior. He began to beat students very badly in

class for small reasons. I became more afraid of him. Then I decided to leave that school after

the grade exam. Only half month was left for final exam. Those few days were very difficult

for me to pass. I was impatiently waiting the end of that academic session because I thought I

don’t have to see him after changing the school. I was no longer interested to go to school. I

could not concentrate on my study. Only presence of that person was enough to disturb peace
of my mind. I could not do well in exam as previous exams. I was going through a kind of

psychological trauma.

When the next session began, I told my mother that I do not like the previous school.

Everyone in my family was surprised with my decision because I used to like my school very

much and I had many good friends there. When I insisted, they agreed finally as I was so

stubborn since my childhood. I joined another school. Everyone asked the reason why I left

school but I never told to anyone, even to my best friend and mother. After a few months I

heard that sir has also left the school. I regretted leaving that school for the first time.

Now I think I should have talked to someone. If all those things happen today, I can at

least share with my friend or dare to speak against such kind of intolerable behavior. At that

time I was so scared to speak thinking he might do worse than that. Even I was unknown that

was called sexual harassment. Obviously I did not like the way he behaved with me but I was

afraid of the tag of ‘over-reactor’. I thought that would be issue for everyone to gossip and of

course I could not bear being the topic of gossip for everyone in the school and society. I did

not dare to speak against him because everyone liked him and the way he taught. I was afraid

that nobody would believe me, instead they might think me negative. On the other hand, I

could not share with my mother because we did not use to share such things. She was more

protective and less friendly. No doubt she loves me so much but we have communication gap

between us. She is more traditional and believes in patriarchal norms of the society. She has

taught us to be like so called good girls as he parents did. At that tender age neither I could

make the right decision nor I had courage to disclose reality of that teacher.

We can hear many cases about sexual harassment in school in radio, television or

newspapers. I read news in The Himalayan Times on August 23, 2015 about a head teacher

accused of sexual harassment at Ghiring Sundhara in Tanahu district. The incident came into
light after the tenth grader attempted suicide leaving a suicide note. Fortunately she got

prevented from killing herself by her parents. She told that the head teacher who rented a

room in her house had abused her many times and threatened her not to open her mouth. The

research conducted by Women’s Foundation Nepal in 2015 shows that girls between 10 to 18

are mostly victims of sexual harassment. According to youth counselor Neeru Baral who is

running a counseling center named Samyak Jeevan Dhara at Kumaripati, Lalitpur,

“Humiliation is the unavoidable impact on girls who become victims of sexual abuse. This is

followed by fear, depression, insecurity, aggressive behavior and so on. More often than not,

girls who face severe sexual abuse at a young age tend to suffer in the long run from lack of

confidence and a pessimistic attitude towards life.” The report of study done by Youth

Action Nepal shows the fact that large number of school goers are actually unclear what

constitutes sexual abuse and people close to them rather than the strangers are perpetrators. It

takes time for girls even to understand that they are being sexually abused. And it is difficult

to complain against the perpetrators because we cannot present concrete evidence. It is

difficult to fight for justice keeping the prestige of yourself and your family at stake.

Therefore most of the victims prefer to remain silent.

Another very important issue is the psychological effect any kind of sexual abuse

leaves on the victim. As youth counselor Baral has said, the victims can go through severe

mental depression. In my case, I left the school without telling the truth. What if I had left my

study? Not seeing that person was a kind of relief for me. But I always sensed a kind of fear

or insecurity in front of male. I acknowledge that not all the men are same but that incident

implanted fear deeply in my mind. Since then, I could not go close or interact with my male

teachers. I lost my confidence which I regained slowly but not fully. Still insecurities are

there which automatically comes in my mind. It made me unnecessarily suspicious about

activities of men. Sometimes situation can go to the worst like suicide attempt or mental
disorder. Many of the school goers cannot handle the situation properly due to their immature

mind and lack of experience. Therefore it is essential to tell them about sexual abuse. So that

they can be able to handle the situation properly and we can save them from the dangerous

consequences.

As far as I have understood, remaining silent encourages the perpetrator and it is like

letting him to abuse more girls. I did a mistake by not sharing what happened with me and

not complaining. Sometimes I think it was not my mistake but it was the situation and

circumstances around me and the kind of education I got which prevented me from telling.

Nobody used to speak about sexual abuse before as openly as we do now neither in school

nor at home. Still people hesitate to speak. Now it is necessity of time to teach our children

about sexual abuse and the activities related to it. There should be friendly relationship

between parents and their children. Parents should try to understand the changes in the

behavior of their children and try their best to share the feelings of their children. It is equally

important to teach male children to respect female and behave nicely. Only law cannot bring

the change, we need to change our behavior and traditional mindset.