Dear Erin Martin,

The title is clear but it could be less basic to attract more consumer attention. Something more
striking that makes the reader want to know more. In the introduction of the text where he talks
about the problem, he makes me think that this problem exists and that we need to solve it. Being
something that can be taught and make the individuals who suffer from obesity change, as the
text explains, it makes me wonder that a possible solution to this problem would not be difficult
to introduce into society. Yes, the solution is indeed very broad and not very concise. I would
need more information about this, what activities will be carried out and how it will positively
affect the problem and what real costs it can have to solve this problem. Saying changing the
types of food in schools seems very broad and without specifying the steps needed to carry out
this solution. To clarify the solution further, it would be necessary to deepen the proposed theme,
the measures to be carried out and the activity to be carried out to solve this health problem.
Entering citations from web pages, articles or others to verify the information would be a good
way to verify to the reader the certainty of what you are reading. The different sections are well-
differentiated although if I would add that the titles of these could be more original although in
the way they are now I consider it correct. Regarding the solution, and the lack of information
about this commented previously also I propose to propose some alternative solution to exalt the
solution offered by the writer. At the same time, the cost-benefit plan would be extended when
the solution was extended since the connection between the two is now confusing for the reader.
It is necessary to complete the conclusion, where I advise to highlight the benefits that will be
obtained through the solution offered to convince the reader of what he is reading.
Sincerely, Andrea Lopez