Sorry, Not Sorry

Women say sorry too much. Myself included.

From the time I was a kid until now, I’ve been saying sorry. Not just when I forget to load the dishwasher
at home before my mom comes home from work, or when I accidentally cut someone off on 295 on my
way to school one morning; no, I apologize for quite literally everything I do. Sometimes it’s apologizing
when some burly football player bumps into me on the way to class in the mornings, other times it’s say-
ing sorry when the barista gets my order wrong at Starbucks. One time, I even profusely apologized after
an elderly man crashed into and almost totaled my car!

As a Communication major, every day from the months of September until May, I learn all about words
and language. Why people say things, and how people say things. You’d think I would’ve realized my
excessive use of the word sorry. But I didn’t; at least, not until a year ago when one of my female profes-
sors called me out in front of my whole class after I apologized to one of my male classmates for dis-
agreeing with him. “Casey, why are you apologizing for disagreeing? You do that too much. What’s the
point?” Feeling embarrassed, I mumbled “sorry” again.

I decided to intern at the Women’s Fund of Rhode Island because I considered female empowerment, re-
productive justice, and gender equity subjects that are extremely close to my heart. They’re topics I’m
passionate about, and have been since the time I was 16 when I first watched the documentary “Killing
Us Softly” at school. When I applied for the internship, I was excited to learn about these subjects in
depth and have hands-on experience in making a difference.

While working here at the WFRI, my perspectives on so many issues have both improved and changed.
Firstly, I’ve realized that I need to use a more intersectional lens when handling ideas of gender equity.
Not all feminism is the same; my experience as, for example, a Jewish white woman growing up in the
suburbs is not the same as a black Catholic woman who has spent her whole life in the city. I cannot as-
sume that what I’ve learned from my experiences can be applied to hers, and vice versa. I’ve also learned
how important media representation is, especially in times like these. Young girls and boys of all back-
grounds deserve to see themselves on their television screens or their computer monitors without the fear
of stereotypes. These kids are impressionable, and it is necessary to make sure all children, especially
young girls, feel represented in the television shows, the internet videos, and other media they intake.

I also learned that I am not the only one that apologizes too much; rather, I am one of many. I have
learned through my research and experience here that women all too often are conditioned to apologize to
men. Women are shown to feel inferior; therefore, that is why we say sorry.

As a college student, I have personally seen the effects of this. In my classes, my fellow female class-
mates often apologize unnecessarily as well. Unfortunately, it is just symptom of how we were taught as
young girls. However, as college students, we also have the power to change how society works. That is
why I think it is important for all young people, not just women, to get involved in organizations like the
Women’s Fund; to not only learn about changing the narrative, but also how to do so. Young students like
me can easily get involved with local organizations that revolve around gender equity by simply doing
their research; they can search online about gender inequity issues in their state, get involved with local
campaigns of those who care about women’s issues; they can even get involved at their university.
I’m going into this school year with a resolution; I’m going to remove unnecessary sorry’s from my vo-
cabulary. No more apologizing to my classmates when I disagree. No more saying sorry if I feel like I’m
“bothering” people. I hope that by doing this, I can influence my other friends as well as those younger
than me to remove “sorry” from their daily vernacular, too.

We can be the generation to end unneeded apologies. We can show young girls that we shouldn’t be sorry.
All we have to do is lead by example.

Sorry, not sorry.