Urban children have long had a spokesman in Leila Berg. i In Look at Kids she asks us to act out her title, to stand out } of the light, and let children develop in the rhythm and style of their own needs. Her book is a series of cameos of children — in porks and on bomb sites, in conflict with adults oF with their surroundings, and sometimes (but all too | rerely) free to be themselves. Through anecdote and | impression, with compassion, anger and lyriciam, she enters with extraordinary perception into the world of the city child. The photographs which so strikingly reinforce and illuminate her words were taken by Ron Chapman, Sylvester Jacobs, Sheelah Latham, Phit Méheux, Wolf Suschitsky and John Walmsley, i Published by _ Penguin Books saciovogy @ Anriigopotoay) United Kingdom £1.10 EDUCATION ‘Australia 62.95 (recommended) anid (Canada s2.35 bleBee Ta rere ers SB ae Une Ree eee] Ina doctor's waiting-room, a young faiherand mother had brought their very new baby. [sav the unsentimental shells ofits ‘ears, and its waving sturfish fingers like sornithing lefe stranded by the sea on strange swrealist shore, an.anemone in a pool. Taen suddenly, asa shepherd hurriedly, shoutingly, pushes his flock through a gateway, the baby waved upwards, faster and faster, tempestuously Mailing his arms with all his might, urgently shoo ing forth words towards the passionately working, mouth thar opened wide fora shout ! Rut the shour was soundless, Nothing. What was it the baby laster, faster — 2 Babies are international. Lying in his cot, babbling as he grows, a baby speaks the consonants and vowels olevery race in the world Energy galvanizes the whole of him, sewing his hody wriggling, his hands clutching, hislegs waving aud his tongue, lips and jaws babbling. He doesn’t have to be taught wo do this, any more than a bulb has to be taught io send up a shoot. His speech is partol his vitality, With every snowement of every paar of him he is sending something o/ himsell inw space, he is launching himself into dhe world Mrenm anal nnn le says, lke 2 sexey woman, sarageling, desiring. And p p pan dd d be says, delighting in play. Allover the world, mannans, mums, nanas and nannies, dads, pappas, pas and ium his expressive and babushkis, we ery sounds into the role we choose to play, auswering him, the baby isamared, and delighted. He makes his magic sounds again and again. and again we exclaim with joyand admiration, aleniilying ‘ourselves as his family, and he crows in shared delight Sill international, le continues ro explore all the other sounds he can make, joyously leeling out hisabilities. But now he begins to notice when he has scored a bulkeye. So he concentrates on the sounds these importarntadults like best, the ones they have chosen for heir language, the ones they respond to: and he practises them. He has plenty of time to practise. Noneot this neither the rich exploration, nor the mutual response, nor the selec nor the epnicencration — has been taught hinn He listens o tones of specch, and long before he can speakan English sentence speaksan English tune ~ or more accurately, the tune of English people who are iasportant to him and who. respond with delight. I used 10 listen to one year old, the child of actors, pouring out his language with a rollicking delight, shouting with pleasure if you tossed it back to him, embrrvidesing, (on icand wildly exaggerating like his father if you encouraged him, and Like his father finally capping it by laughing uproariously —it seemed —at hisown joke. Other times, also like has father, he talked very gravely, as if lecturing or conductinga philosophical inquiry, raising his eyebrows inquirigly at he aid of what souncled for all che world like a sentence, looking Tule haughty and aloof the while, He vepraciced so accar nine, rhythm, expressions, gestures like dese pictured babies who must surely know fishermen !) it was dilicult to realize itwas an abstract work of art you were listening to, So very guadually, since be is living in England, andl since therefore his parents have chaniged {rom their own international infancy roan adult Englishnese, the baby too becomes English, Yet lor some time he still holds on te his invernationalism, understanding other children emotionally even when he docs not tunderseand their words (until eveneually adults will tell him that other people are foreignersand that they, the adults, are il at case with them, even sometimesalraid of them, and thattbei language and their ideas can oniy be learned, ifatall, ina pla as beer no theory in this growth of speech. called school), There! The adult has responded with pleasure to what the baby gives, and shown the baby how to turn this pure joy into a tool o lost, but only in the sense communication. Something has be to the whole worldin exchange lor a loving reciprocity, a J cecpening of personal identity, « companionable apprenticeship. ‘And die whole structure has been built on the natural sound of « growing babyC Down the street an old man slaullles past» pram. The baby bial hate, “Shutup ! we one yrar olds live wry close 10 me. Whenever they start &2 es away. ‘Shut up, you liule bleeder!” saysthe old man wich talk their own langesage they are yelled a1. ‘Shur up !"*Seop chat row! IC the, sound—a slow gurgle ora pensive squeal. Then they are hit without the warning. Perhaps these sounds are irricating 10 on =slap | Sometimes they will uy out one long, grown-up. But they are nor intended w be — unless the grown-up refuses to share the delight; then, since a human being must have with « sap, a response to keep sane or alive, the child makes d A slap is ofeen the only way ant adult anid chile London, Tnithe bus queue, a thrce year old was talking animatedly to her mother. The mother ssared straight ahead, silent until suddenly she exploded, her pice furious, devonating. “That all ever w ey, challer!"The hte git!’s lively inielligent Face changed, and shelooked wary, self-conscious, oll bukance and silly. I wondered whaat che a mother expected to get from a three year old, What else hasa small child to give? And winat it could one have that is more tender. amore joyous, mere remarkable: have often sat in buses near these trapped, resent desperate mothers, whose life has never belonged to them. They stare silentand stony-eyed in fremnt of them, while the child chatiers away asking fora respouse dat is never forthcoming, The child stampson the seat; then she bends right under her mother's fice gazing upwards in one of those extraordinary cu ol childhood, and says, “Mum” Suill he mother stares steaighi ahead, rigid. Ihe child fondles her fare, turns her chin towards hersell, with a mixture of tenderness that is waning through Fright, of concer (for her Jesire, hall emerging, to paty back by pinching. Then the mothe: speaks. ‘For God's sake, shut up!” she say. IV's much as for her mother), andaAll cheir reactions geared to overcromding, to noise, w lack of privacy, to complains, wo demands, wo chaos and loneliness, such others cannot even relax when they have space arourid them, Jbatersea Park. The ive giol was wandering over the grass absorbed ina soug of her own that she sang micanderingly ikea blackbind. 1 stopped and watched her. Her grandmother spoke cout of thay cuormous expauise of parkland, “Stop that bloody row or you'll go home!” she sai. And in another bus queue [watched «little girl dancing n in the datk shopwindaw. She was not annoying anyone, she was well away from the queue and easily within calling distance when the bus came. But her mother yanked! her and slapped ber into submission Even on holiday, Londoners sill carry their chains. n the Isles of Silly, Iwatched two young couples on the grass talhing parmering her refle excitedly about home movies. ‘Here, remember that onehe wokat barcakiast ! We was all cating cornflakes!" "Yes —and the wind was blowing!" *Whata scream!” “Ihe cornflakes -"*And he reversed the filin'” Hysterical choking, followed by an absorbed, respeedful assessment ~The was clever ! “That was a year, that was Cutting into this, their unson child calling from the distance, “There's a uactor here !’ Nobody moved. But the mother slightly turned her head 10 shout ‘Get down |" and then father, happy ul the chance to appear alert and efficient, jamped up and said, Til yet him!” and dhe mocher called alier the father. ‘Tell hita 1 down rand them English eyes looked the lady says downwards for uo lady" had site get down ‘Out of sight, thechild, dealt with, wailed, “Oh...” then resilient, and quickly excited again, showed, ‘Munn! Can 1 the dog?” And the mother, not even moving her heael this time, shouted, “No! You stroked it last year! Yer that same day, in that same phiee, Tsiw something small sandalled girl, silla baby, agedabour JOP. printing very excitedly down completely different. A ‘one and hall, stood outside a the street. “ello Mello "ello! ello” Her mother e1me out of the shop, and the child with tremendous excitement shouted again, sill freniedly gesturing. “ello {ello} “ello 1 thought she was greeting someone. But the mothcr looked the way the child was sand excitemen! looking and said instantly, with identical pleasure Sb yes! That liude girl has yellow flip-dups just like yours, hasn't she!4 I satamong ueenty seven year olds, sent frou a loca’ primary sclivol, and asked thems 26 help me write a story From the lirse impatient words, it was evident that Nizd was the kind of child who a few years ago would have been at a prep school. There waya great deal of puwer in his bitckg-ound, that masculine, tother-hating, mother-betrayed power: there was also 4 great deal of adult conversation. His feelings were very imterse—they were mainly feelings concerned with power, 4 emendous need co identify with powerful adults, scathing leclings towards those whom he hoped would prove inferior, 9 passionate egotism, for avery long Gane, and was then ollest a mild, brief and intelligent ariticism bya little gil, he said, stuetering with passion, "T don’t care! 1's not Amanda's Story! 1?'symy siory and, At one point, when he lad held elo sway with a proud gesture co me, ‘maybe it's your sory, but it’s not Amanda's story! ;and I had to say gently that it was everyone's But absolutely concurrent with the power, indeed translating it rom wishes to reality, was the mastery of words and syntax which made itso casy for him to manipulate ideas. He could work outa plot, plan far the fine ;he could take leap away from known experience into a detailed unexperienced future; he could fight for his ideas and he id, He was not interested in human relationships manipillating ther 1 way Amanda and another girl (not with ‘power’ backgrounds) who pooh-poohed one point in his plot by saying that it would be the elder sister, nor the mather, who would bossily cause rouble for the other children, because she was nearer their own, ‘age and this “would make her fanny with them ; this cisconcerted him fora second but he did not consider i, andl I chink their wisdom, the result of accurate observation and awarenieas of their own experience, was quite lost on hit, rr and had notmused much on tir subtleties. His vocabulary and his skill were far in advance of the others the ouly ching that impeded hina was che very wunbling oue of the words and ideas, that sometimes, so 19 speak, got jantmed in he doorway and had ro fight to break free: [discovered before the children lefe dae heabvays ‘sat up to dinner” with his parentsand their friends. One could imagine the talk rharranged round him. thar seemed to him so powerlil, inte. which he tied amperiously to join and in which he sometimes ado fight 1 gain, or hold, a place Other childten in the group were very dillerent. I remember one groping alter his own idea that was already fading helore he ‘could find the wards wo claim it. He saw itfer a second inall its fireworks shooting out stars!—and belore he could speak ‘one halting sentence the radiance had dissolved into air anc only the burn-out stick ar spent Guudboard reaauned ; he was bewildered, troubled, and faltered into silence. Two sevea year oles, one already Mluent and Ilaming with power, one already halting and crippled, And yet, would the school rejoice if the second chile reproduced his parents’ speech, his parents’ tune? Would they listen with pleasure as he recounted his true family experiences, andapprove of thei as no doula they do of Nigel's very different ‘ones? Would they lovingly reciprocate?1 stand by the railings in Baitersea play-park and wate. In front ‘of me isthe brow of green hill tered with large phay-bricks. A boy comes into view, from the left, about si years old. With some very definite purpose, he sexes a wheelbarrow full of bricks and siaristo trundle it away. Jus then, over the hill comes three year dle. He sees the older boy, and the wheelbrrose, and is riveted with dhe force ofa lighting conclusion. Then his paralysis ends He hurls himsell a: the other boy, kicks him, pummels him, ears at him. The alder child iszstonished. Hedraps the handle of che barrow, and does not know what 19 do. Neisabo very angry. He makes a decsion, He strides purposefully towards a crate of bricks, with a porter’s truck lying alongsiele. Grimly, resolutely ‘with his back to the small one, he begins to fill the wack wih bricks from the rave and from dhe grass Again the little one is riveted, appalled, Again, after a minute's paralysis, he hurls himsell, dhundering over the grass, atthe older oouc, and kieks him savagely, caring at his dodhes, And again the older one is(uriously angry. His teeth are set, his lace is black with murderous hate. He doesnot know what ts do. L brought hin this problem before. He has tied to deal with it forbearingly, foralter all he is not baby; he has done his best, buticis unavailing. In a second he will turn on the little one and bringa brick erashing down on his head, annihilating him, But within that second the litle one, quite unaware of doom, is suddenty entranced by the movement af the boy's hands. still grimly fightingly, going Irom the erate to the ruck, the erate 10 the truck ; and caught up in the movernent, in che rhythm of i in the satisfying creative result of i, his ailing arms stop in mid-air waver... and then swing also into the crate and the truck thé crate and the track The older boy is amaced. But he says nothing. No recognition of any kind passes berween them. He goes on illing the truck, and the litle ane does the s Whunitis full, the older one straightens up, grips tie handles, and wheels ir olf puffing litle with exertion,The small one stands up, startled agaia. A thicker ot dows passes over his face as he sevs the boy and the truck auad thar bricks disappear. He had not foreseen this, Hestands watching, uncertain, poised. Then with a sudden sturdy acceprance he inns, and mudges chubbily back over the hill, on some quest of his Throughout the whole episode not one word kas been spoken, Neither hasacknowledged the other. has only been movement — appearance, conllict, conperation aud exit — like ballet. Now that was an extraordinary thing. I was ready 10 ¢ty out — or rather, berause the moment had that knile-edge delicacy when sudden cry might bring catastrophe, I was on the point of calling with texsely gentle reassurance to both of them, “Ie’sall right.” But hele back. And it was all right, More allright than Teauld ever nave made i Yesterday, Richard cat on the floor with me and we played picture dominoes. I hadw’cmct him before; he’s four. Tshowed hiut bow youstand your dominoes up so tat only you can see them. He picked the game up immediately, Then stone point, several of my dominges (ell over. I hurriedly started to pick them up. Buc then I saw Richard was looking ai them intently, So 1 took my hand away and let them lie; Teven managed io knock over several more in doing so. I1e gazed, very thoroughly. Then he chosea domino. frona his own pile Authoriiarians would assume he chose one that would block me, Also they would say he was cheating. And alee that Thad encouraged him to cheat. They would say ‘uian is naturally competitive’, and Urat is why we have to try to teach bin nat to cheat, because if we didn’t he would destroy civilization : and so But Richard didn’t block me. He deliberately chose a domino that would enable meta continue the gare He did ie not because he was altruistic, or sell-sucrificing, but because he needed dhe game 10 cominue, he wanted our relationship our cooperation — to continue. To win = that is, 1 destroy this pleasant relationship-in-existence —wasan idea quite alien to him, But an authoritarian adult would have taught him to ‘wint~ and to destroy what was ianportant ‘o him, aad ultimately to believe that winning was what he wanted.T met Elisabeth and Judy for the first dime at tea. Hlizabeth nearly wo, Judy four They satarthe rable, and they each took a cream cracker. I collered Elizabeth the butter dish. She took some butter with her Knife, an enormous lump. She puc it on her plate, dhe picked it up in her hand and squashed it, squeezing it through the cracks bbetssoen her lnigers, gazing at it gravely, very maich caught up in its texnure and the crackle it made as it halloos 1 offered Judy the buticr dish. She also took a very large lump with her nile. Made slightly apprehensive by Elizabeth, half pur ‘outa hand to dissuade her, then stopped. She spread all her buteron one cream cracker, using her large knife ver deliberately and carefully and with great pleasure, Ielay very thick. Then she stretched her kaife iowards the butwer dish again, Bur that’s enough’ Istaried to say —andagain | sopped Carefully and skilfully she was scraping off the surplus butter from her knife against the side af the dish; then she seraped sarelully and delicately and skilfully all over her creaun cracker, Femoving more surplus butter, and returned that to the butter dish. .. and xenton and on repeating this process till her cream od dir vugh cracker had ¢ thin butabsolutely smooth layer of butter on i Sitting with great enjoyment bolt upright, and crooking her litle linger, she nibbled with damboyant siyle. Elizabeth at ewo, sensuously exploring her material. Judy at Four, carefully controlling a wol and praciising « technical ski anda social skill. Neither of thern was primarily interested in eating. IFT had thought they were, Lwould have interfered and stopped them growing. We are always extraordinarily sure that all that children are imteresied in § food ~ pethaps because that is all we are sure we can give thea, And we can patronize them and ridicule them. while we giveit ob, in the nicest possible way— which makes us feel doubly secure, But even very deprived children are not primarily interesied in food. Tonce knew some children like this, so deprived at three they did not even respond to their own names. One day ~ drawn by the activity of another child = they became absorbed for the first timne ina game, pouring out water froma child's ny tea-set andl pretending it was ea. Buc they were expecied by adulis be having real food and drink, because they were half starved. And eventually, very gently, the make-believe tea was taken away fro them lit had to be caken away, because the children would not give it up) and real food was sec before them. They turned their faces away and ‘would not eat. Up till chat day when they played their first game, dey had wolfed the food down. Now they had found something deeper— and had it taken away (rom them. They ate nothing that day.*A friend told me recently that she was watching a child build a sandeastle and nor succeeding, and found herself very surprised the child didn’t lose her temper ; almost she decided to help the child, Much later, still thinking about the chile’ surprising, self-control, she sudlen'y reahzee chat the chile wasttbuilding a sandeaste at all bur chat she, the adult, assumed chat was what she was doing, and therefore thar she was failing. I'we look ae children from the height of the ltee hill we have captured, chey are bound to seem unsurcessful aduks, Unfortunately we have the power tact on our arrogant ancl mistaken assessiment of the situation, and generally do so. So we hurry on, desperately trying to organize the chaos that is building up in our own antranguil mind, listen the child would mean if'ae were aduleswsd norco what the chile is saying T 2s once sitting in the garden at Neills Sumimcebl, an litle girl of four or five came up tome, andl asked what was. ‘I's nearly twenty-five past three.’ I said, She still stood there: A few seconds later she said, ‘What time is ir?" Somewhat surprised, I repeated myanswer.Still she stood there, anda few second later sheasked me again. “But I vold you," I said gently “I's nearly twenty-five past three.” “But what time isi she sai. “The penny dropped. Her sweet patience and persistence, bac far snore guts than mine. said humbly: "1s wsenty-three anda half minutes past three,’ and she siniled and wert away ‘only to what ve just met Mark, Brenda, who lives near by — aged four like Mark— was at te table. She had been ‘invited’, Mark, alveady angry for private reasons, was indignant even ta sec her. She plaidly rook a cake. ‘Ifyou take that cake, 1 wort ike you” She bie it, "Tf you take that cake, I won"t lel you come in my house?” She tok another bite and beamed, “Ifyou take that cake, Twon't let you sit in my chair!’ She took another bite. If you take that cake, 1-1-1 then in a more resigned bue still imtense tone. ‘Greedy guts.’ She gave him a ravishing stile and said calmly ‘Pm not a greedy guts’... and went on esting, She ate up all che lee cake while he stood watching, beside himself with rage, She took another, nibbled all the icing off, then put it back on the dish, smiling sweetly at Mark, Tu fury, Mask took all the lire sweets off the top of the big cake, Bien placidly picked up her spoon and pushed some green jelly round the plate ftclted as i circled. Mank watched with beetling brows—‘T don’t like you” Brenda. complianely playing rather than retaliating, smiled happily and said, f don’t lke sr ‘went on pushitig the jelly. Mark scowled even more furious He goc urider the table, and didh'r actually kick her ~ his family is strong on good manners bur he made threatening kicking ‘movements, Brenda, above dhe table, took no notice a all, just went on pushing che jells. Afra sizeable demonseration ‘of menace, Mark very cautiously put his head wp to sce the results. Brenda, looking up froma spoonful, caughe sight of him, sand shricked with Jaughcer ~a lovely relased earth- moder laugh = then seriously concentrated on che jelly again Puzaled, Mark withdrew under the table. He thought abou ie then camtiously peeped ont again. Same thing a wonderful gurgling scream of laughecr, Mark frowned, menaced, aud shor down again, Once more he peeped up. And again that laughter Now dawning on his lace was the realization that the laughter was for him, Hisanger became pride, thon delight. And he began to pop up and down, up and down, up and down. Brenda became completely hysterical with laughter and almost fell oll her chair Mark, exhausted, resred fora moment under the table, then put his fingertips over the edge to pull himself up again. Brenda leaned over and tickled his fingers, Instantly Matk took umbrage— You scratched me” Brenda way calmly cating jelly again, unconcerned. His mother had juse come in and suid in her quiet way, "No. she tickled you,’ “Did she? Oh.” He thoughe about it. At thar moment his two boy friends came marching in with packers of sweets, He scrambled out, and they gave him sou “Give some to Brenda" he commanded. “Who's Brenda ” “My friend,’ he said ina lordly way, putting his arm youn her She ified her face from her plate of jelly to give them her ‘beautil smile, took a sweet and got on with the jelly again, nel 24I sat outside a ‘one o'clock club’ in a London play-park, and wwatebed « sitall girl ofabout chree grub a hefry wooden pram art pushing it over the bumpy grass, concenuating hard. Eventually, yanking, thrusting, forcing it over the threshold, she managed to push it inside the inner area ofa small climbing. fame thar other children were playing on; there soaicliow she managed the even more difficult feat of turning it round, thrusting, yanking, forcing it out again. As soon a it was out — plonk ta larger black gilwas seated init. The two suared at each coher, the first amazed, the second bold.’At such atime you can almost hear children growing: they ick like siall clocks. just as timc was moving rowards some momentous resolution, a muother Irurcled into the situation—‘Gecoutofit, willow" ~and dragged the second child out of the pram and righteously pushed due frst Teonsoled mysell. In one v'elack dubs loncly mothers mect other loncly mothers and then tara their backs on their children, The situation would be played out again ~ without interference. ive minutes later [saw the child again, sloped at 45° t0 the grass, head down, a larger child in her pram. tn desperate spurts, then in a gradually accelerating conquering trot, she pushed the pram over the grass to the far end, then turned it, As she began to push ic back, chelarger child suddenly leapt ow and ran off 10 some other game, and she continued her serious trundling alone. Neither of them had spoken, Each had carried out her own movement unimpeded by the other's. Neither had stopped fer the other. Neither had come to grief. Muscles had been used, apprehension had dissolved, an undemanding temporary relationship had been made: a child had grown a litle. And the mother, having made a friend, had not BF i come between,questions and older ones hold many of their most important conversations. Yel they are the two specific places where orthodo teachers recoil from duty.) Two large trees grow in the gardes the Council originally sent men sm down, but the head This is what nursery the A demands, They are a place ann. for ring to adults hisonn rhythm, undisturts stopped them, saying the children would need them, The daysare filled with music and painting, and when you sit in th stud 1g booms and thunders with che jut feet ove und little girls gravely seta pienic for chen onthe carpet, and fiom behind the seuee on which you are siting comes the rasile of a litle boy, hidden, looking at books. ielool ae piet eoacey va This not oe oF supervise pla where eve ‘tan be seenata glance from office and there are no private worlds, This large old house. The childcea clamber of dheir own accord up the stats, go ante a room and dose the doorand play in privacy if they want, People have But isn’t this dangerous?" Ver there has never been an accident. The kiichen is dhe wan scented heart ofthe place, and. te cook is chosen far the solace and mothering she ollers, not only ior good cooking, (Indeed the mealIn dhis aursery school a new 1uodhicr is encouraged, and helped, to sit still. Thave watched so many new mothers in other nursery schools, wander sond with the child, making bright, tov bright conversations, showing hia dais, exclaiming at Het pulling pressure without consciously meaning t0, anxious to reach as quickly as possible the approved goal of child sertlee-in ool. Here, a mother sts sil and iranquilly waits. She takes out g, oF looks at a magazine, a quiet base. The child rlings at first to her lap, casting looks which perhaps he does not want feel are noted, at the other children. And alter a while, in fete sallies of his own choosing, he begins 10 move out. Other children draw him. Music draws him. Stories being read elsaw hima, Always he astsa glance hack to the mother still sitting there, sil quiet and unalarmed ... until, uf is own choice and m his own time, and of his own finding, he has become involved in a new Ofcourse, nor all my local nursery sctiools are like that one. | ead about one in the local paper, where a kind elderly couple had made a wendy house for the children, The paper sic that the children were so pleased with it, that the kind couple said they make another ne lor the boys” | Teurned from ehis disconcerting text ro an equally disconcerting photograph, where the licele girls with neat bows in ir hair and feilly dresses peeped coyly out of the doors of the wendy house, and lean of the windows ; and itlooked like nothing so much as a brothel. Lea has just started at primary school She is lively. intelligent, ealkasive and sociable. “Die you like school?” Lasked her. “Yes, it was losely.”*What did! yuu like best The new teaching methods ? The paintings on the walls? The story writing ? The young teacher ? “What Tiked best was... ne lovely juniors. They're called Martin and Terey. They came in our playground.’ ‘Is that allowed?” ‘No, And Martin gave mea boule of perfume. “And what did you say?” T said, “Is ie really! can’t believe itt”. 1 like Martin best, bur they're dott lovely.” She went on drawing a piceure, “That's what was besta1 four, cnt some cown shapes and ghost shapes out of white paper she ad been go the circus. She spread them carefully on the dark floor, aud now there were dark clown shapes and white clown shapes and dask ghost shapes and white ghost shapes. Het father picked up one of the numerons instrunienes he plays and wanted Lea to singa soug hic had written, Lea relused. tnstcad — {or though put out he went on playing ~ she began to dance, and as she daniel, from rims to time without pausing in her movement she bent and picked up a yhtost ora clown, and holding it in both hands ac arm’s iengeh tuened round in a cincl, dhen laid irlownagain and continued gravely danicing, Her movement was completely natural, unforced from without o7 within, for quite screnely she hud reused manipulation, A year later I saw a lel loating genely down a wide stream in Norfolk. Hvery now and then it turned round ina circle, thea continued downstream. The same movement Yeeif you were to say 0 a child ‘Be a leaf loating downstream” you would be stupidl, The child is far atead of your adult artificiality ‘This natural rhythan of childven spreads out from he child, involving everyone, yet always remaining quite free, accepting other's freedom, Iris no a physical exercise: i is the rhythm off tite Sometimes a chill wil be afraid, needling to know thatthe step forward will not wipe out the steps bebind (ike the new child in the tursery school who neces xo knows his mother is unlarmed by his step torware Julio, an enchanting and passionate child, sudlenly went into ‘onie of her storms of panic and fury as she got ready 10 go to my nursery group. When her mother could penetrate her screams she sii,“ What is it, darhng ? Il you don’t want to go to nursery school, we won't go today.” Inotantly the screams were wilder, “Ide want to go! “Then | don’t understend, darling. Why are you crying, then 2° Frantic sercaming, and eventually, ‘Because 1 fiky being ac nursery school” 40 “Then why are you er “Burt Tike being at home Frenzied screaming. “Well, thats allright.” Bur {ike beingat nursery school” “Well hat’s lovely for you. darling, having two things yor like. Jolie was lucky zo have such a mature inelligent mother. With swollen-eveul radiance, Jul daily she pursued hee love alas with Stevie, abu aged the. Julic loved many people passionately. her Father, her teenage brother Alan as well. Summer came, and the fst inte she sass Stevie in rhe nursery garden with no clothes on she exclaimed with memendous lingering pride for him, both maternal anc loverlike, “Oh, Stevie! You've got one af those things zhar Alan's, got! Youare lucky" There was a charming out-going generosity about shat remark that the Julie who fist came to the minsery School younger, tight and passionate— would never have sown Shwe liked w join the things she loved as she progressed. ‘Dear Stevie,” sheasked! me to write one day, “you are sy friend, And you are Alaw’s friend ‘A child's eth, sil umauacked, has a remarkably unegocentic, unscliconscious quality even a suburban hil can sill be part of she universe, hearing an responding ta its voices inva way dheadule is no Innes Pieree and Lucy Crocker wrote it The Peckham Experiment ol the appreciation that an ansiety-feee child has ol “the etal sinuation’. Anyone watching adales hurrying indifferent directions down a passage-way and childseas doing the same, the latter sith no dilficuly whatever, the former anssiously pulling up. desperately dodging, and finally aking deliberate decisions, will see what egocentric ansiery docs ta ‘awareness ofthe total “came on to nursery school, where ‘Today, 2 father who had taken a trampoline ta his small daugheer’s playgroup said t me, ‘Tthought they'd al fi corall queue up for ir; but they don't do either, There's always Jost the right muniber of children ou the wampoline.” Pm sure he’s never readl The Pee@am Experinent a7 Acthe time 1 ran the nursery graup, we had an Ole English sheepdog, The first time [let him into the garden, the children Were amazed. What isit?"*I’sa bear! Ie'sa pussy? es 4 bunny!” *Tesa lion” fat di last, everyone ran away in a small flurry and cane back halfa minute later. What is 2" Now spoke for the first ime. Complicently “Isa dog’ Lsaid All hell broke loose, Tom husled himself acme as if he were fighting lor his lle. “T’snora dog? It's nota dog!” he sercamed, fists and feecpuberizing me* In the middle of saving myself and comforting him, t wondered how any two year old comesto learn chat alsatians, pekinese, collies, great danes, chihuahuas, are all dogs — are the because of what they do? (Then how can a twelve month old, used toa warn, furry, purring kien, with ritching tal, lappin tongue ad sun, wild movements ecg aol fat hin, silent and motionless pire ina book and name it‘pussy2) Once accepted asa dog and no longer threatening chaos, ‘encouraged to take his werba: place calmly—a tiger suing om a tool —in their growing classification, the bobtail was painted with ‘ermalion splashes on one siec, and was ridden on by Julian who was very light and lithe for his two years, . One day {put the dog's fasourite toy —a medicine ball which he used 10 pretend ro fightin the garden just before the children arrived. Jonathan, aged four, saw i¢im the grass, rushed towards it, and drew back his leg to give it an enormous Kick, lewas evident he'd never seert a medicine ball before, 30 quickly ineerposed my hand between te ball and his foot, not wanting him w break anankls, and showed him its weight and resistance, He was disconcerted and surprised, and a little humiliated. So to restore his self-respect with facts, [said, “I's or the sad uncompromising file of Wallllowers, wallllowers, growing up so high, all you presty flowers will soon thelamp-posts where we tied frayed ropes aud swung, flailing: the wickets white-chalked on the walls; the hopscotch white-chalked on the pavement: and the Renoir smudges al coloured chalk that we spendih echoed recklessly among the is wod on, anid daubed and ‘man with his donkey and balloons, the Italian ice-cream man with e adults were our al ther work, kof their cart as they left his massive feathery footed horse and his anopy visited us in our territory, We wat with chem, jumped on d our territory and saw them off a lie Dbumns and shoes scraping, and rewurned to our land way, then slithered off,here was fear in ourstreets 100. I still remeanber an enormous drunk woman reeling lustily along full of terrifying good cher. Just abour held upright by a stnaller sheepish friend, she bawled out her happy song. And behind hor, flanked by ewe ‘more enormous women, followed her little gil sexcaming in Jetrur. Iundersiood those screams. My cars still cringe with them, | My spine still crawls, And I iil see that child whose hard familiar mother had becomeso sirangely genial, possesceil by suchan alienly benevolent spirit. And I was frightened too by the ane flower Lever saw in our whole district, a huge insolent bully ofa sunllower, whe leered and jeered at me over a fenue from a Bury New Road backyard. | aleays crossed to the other side of the road, Fear can come in all guises, laughing loudly or shaking a huge golden ead, as Tong as There was hostiliey in our street too, Catholic against Protestant, Gemile against Jew, Conservative against Liberal, and both agains Labour. The children were the infantry in these battles. We none of us ever kaow what it was about ; we were just loyal. Insults and stones were hurled, hair was savagely pulled. Children were male wretched and bewildered and bitter of their lives. But there was no personal sometimes lor the rest animosity init, no private decision ;itwas tribal. The most familiar soug that was not a sireet game ie, theyll The Bhwos shall line jor ever The Reds shalt die With tnd olin thet ee, 1 Bh shall lve far ever vwas sung with a temporacily controlled violence that set the nerves leaping, a war-chant taken lor granted.For in the meantime I had become dispossessed. All ol us, all the millions whe never had weeds or fields bust had the street have been dispossessed. And now Llive int Lenidon where people fice desperately from ihe clamour af unbearable crowds into the cho of unbearable loneliness, where pavementsate not for phying children but for supermarket shoppers on the march, Where the roads are smooth-surlaced for lethal cars, net cobbled for the huge mild horse of the rag and bone man, and where anything, however using be excused and even praised For indeed there is always something disturbing, something that delicately fingers the spinal cord, something potentially menacing, about people who suddenly begin to do whist they should have done in their early childhood. ur teenagers tuday hive newer owned their stvc:s, When they standat street corners they look dangerous. They may be plosting to take back what should have been their own, Drive chem all. Mow then down. Enclose ther, Live, vindictive or half-witted, can ‘uly i*keeps youuh off the sweets And in the evening, in those warm spring and sumer evenin, who says the climate has nor chaaged ?), the grown-ups would sitoutside, some on the doorsteps joining their children who were sitting there already eating “buttics” with only a cotton shilt on, and their bare bottoms terrilyingly wulnerable to their mothers’ massive hands; and some, more gentcelly, on bentwood chairs. And all inclined their heads graciously to their neighbours, and gossiped softly or shouted across the street till he lamplighter cane (Ourstreee was full of drama. We lived in it. was our territory. Every stage of our growth was marked on it, our wonderment, our terror, our triumphs, our deprivations, our compensations, our hate and ourlove. We knew every single person in our sweet. When, later on, I mettich people, and heard tham talk casually but with sueh a sure love o wer and ‘our’ woods, ‘our’ Take and ‘our’ fields, [was shaken. But T had forgotten ‘our sucet’, where, however squalid, grimy, violent, we 100 had territory im9 In the 1890s inthe Preface co her collection of Chidven' Singing Games, Alice Gomme wrote: When one considers the coaditions under which child-life exis ithe courts of Londow ‘with which Lam mos acquainted), and of other reat cites, Lis alos. impossible to estimate iow highly the influence which these games have for good on cown-bred populations, By warching slum children playing in them our reformers may lear lesson nd pethaps see a way out of che dismal orebodings of what iso happen ‘when che bulk of eur populacion have deserved the country for the She did not foresee char when the bulk of our population had dome just has, there would be no room for singing games inthe streets The London seers have been closed to childeen fora long time now. They are merely paths, covered in haste and weariness, to and from che supermarket or the launderetie. Where can a child put down roots and grow? ‘They live in las ~new flars— where their mothers keep all ‘windows permanently locked because the child might fall. ‘where the doors to the balconies ~ hci only near-by playing space ~are also kept permancatly iocked forthe same reason; ‘where the walls and Roors are so thin that the chitdsen cannot even run across dhe room co hug their father when le comes home from work without weighbours complaining where mothers walk roundand round the block with the baby in the pram and the sina children hanging on to the pram handle because the father ‘who is working nights, is steeping; where the children who cannot play upsiairs canner play downslars either, because the other lives ten or twelve storeys up, and cannot ce them or rescuc tenn, and dangeyous afc thecaeens constantly ‘The mothers themselves, packed in theiv hundreds in these uup-enied shoeboxes, rarely see each other, rarely speak to each other. Up and down they go in the hifi works ~ silently 46 Perhaps it the inhuman ‘loading’ of them into these moving haves, shoulder to shoulder, chest ta hack, thac prevents them from speaking 1o each other. Pethaps itis because the lifts moving, and they arc brmg moved, and ar the end ofthis brie! move they will separate again. Perhaps is because this coming, together ina lift sso uncasual, almost has the ar of being arranged by authority. Anyway, they don’t calk, You can get in the lift andan elderly worian may push in a ian so drunk she props him against the wall where he sags, deaf and indifterenc, as she hurls abuse, and punches hopelessly at im. ‘Same every bleeding, day! Fuck vou, you bleeding lucking piss-tole!” simultaneously disassociating herself and expressing responsibility, angry and resigned and putting on an act foy the ‘one stranger, But no one else in the hfe will say a word. ‘They are like cart-horses so well trained they no longer have to wear Dlinkers. ‘When one day the lift breaks down, chey trudge up a hundred stairs with their shopping and their pushchairs andl their washingand theie children, backs, arms, legs, eempers breaking bur on the stairs they meet people, individual people, aud they take up their own chosen distance, and they linger, ralking in pleasantly shocked cones about the “disaster” that iy secretly so welcome, becoming partly human again, until the machinery is mended and takes aver once more And every weekend they go back to the crumbling street they were ‘cleared’ from —where their mother and father still lve where their old friends still lay mattresses on the floor to sleep on because beds would go straight hrough the Hoor boards, and the Children who are fet sill roll marbles down the sloping tloor, and the shopkeepers who have known chem since childhood are still chalking things up ; but soon, of course, everyone will be dispersed, into newer more hygienic buildings, and the exiles will hhave no old country to sun home to, awe will have their backs to the new white wall ‘And people will get lost in the new white subways and the new ‘white fights of steps, the drassing-board made concrete — until they learn to ignore their avn senses, their own reason, their own ricmory, and meekly follow the noriees, going the way they sre tole aIntheir new fats, only a common enemy ever fill their dying lonciiness and makes them [eel alive. Only some menace ~ souictimes a fancied one—forces them to knock on} ach other's ddeors, and form alliances that have a \aint bizarre resemblance to riendship. In this way, alk of ‘4 coloured family" maving in may get them drinking cups of tea in each othew’s Mls, believing they necessary to cach other, believing they cant act to shape their future, believing they can instead have their mother or their daughter living near them. Then a local paper gleelially publicizes their sad litle petition, and wild threatening notes are pushed rhirough their lewer- boxes ; door-chains are boughtand panic joins loneliness. And on the huge wall behind the busy rnodern police station, fascist slogans will be white-washed at 18 Andall that time, you will probably find, no one has exer seer this ‘colouired family’, and never will, Did they exist ? Or were theya sick joke, likea paper bag burst b pathetic confused old man and set him leaping? But the children, who for a brief time were responsible mestengers for purants who sucldenly acquired vitality and power some Inol ro waken a and importance and solicicude, will go w dheir school and say. ‘The blarks take our hones. But sometimes Heir flats are ole ones. Some friends of ours, a Few years ago, made a short film round yne of these blocks. the windows blanked with squares of cardboard, like cor idioue gibbering archwey standing pompously in the tumbled wall, the brick-litcred, old. iten-piled dump where children play (digging holes in the ground with hunks of tw iron, scooping loose diet in jagged tin cans, and on occasion ister, the ofa cd casually, aimiably and tentatively tossing bricks at cach other children inall respect like the children of any Salford childhood,excepr thar these children are wel dressed). And beyond, line pies, so astonishingly white, that have no bea in Southwark long enough ro turn accepted the plice as a Bia to see a posiman with a bag of leticrs trudging up inside the inon srilles they call staircase windows here, and wo cealige that people lived there, wrow and received letters behind those iron bas The children flocked round. Fitst six, soon close on a hundred “Isitior telly?” they wamted to know. A litle girl who looked about eight pulled 35 fey. [remember Thad almost nd suddenly it rove my blood Let al Woodbines from her pocket, Want meto smoke" she said obligingly. They were very eooperative and knowledgeable. “Get out of theway'!” they shouted. “He's the shooter!” They enjoyed the word ‘shoot’ = njoyed the chance nev context, an approved prestigious context, and ey used it with wit. ‘Don't move or they'll shou’ you!” they shouted, and yelled with laughter The adults instantly thought rhe flm was heing mas remedy the housing, done lor their beuctit, Like besieged people they welcomed the liberators. .. but coolly. Bout time t00," said fone woman sternly. Should havertade a film heve year Might get something done now Tsita documentary?” said oneelderly man. “Ts it about the emnditions "My iaside turned over when he said that, Not ‘Ts it about what we've gor tb put up with >” but Is it about the wnditions 2” an approved, alienate, expert, sociological word. Over and over again, you meet this in these hopeless districts People have lost their own inner drive; they see themelves as things experts are interested int. Anyouc with an educated accent is seen al once as a representative ol the mysterious People with Power - the Council, the Telly — who must be seized and bombarded with demands. Any protest hat you are not from *Auchority” uns you into an enemy, withholding things fron, them, notjusta bastard but a cunning bastard,Frcueaber how a woman said with a certain sell-preening = confidentially staking a claim to high standards - “Tookus months eo get them io pall down the rubbish. heap there. Got as highs ar’ —she indicawed a fantastic height, ike « mountain ~ “over-run with rats, it was, The landlord took out the chutes, sec, and the people started ro chuck the rubbish out of the window. Forciguers, youknow. Don’t know any beter.” And then lorey= diver put his head out of thewindow as he went by, and shouted “They san't want to film it, mate. They want a blow ib up!” Well, hey didn't blow it up. But they cleared the jagged iron strewn dump where the children played — and twrned itinto a car ‘park, Where do the children play new, in their gay, good clothes” 1 chey don’t live int flats, hey sul live inthe old tenement terraces that literally fall down around them — specially the large Fanilies, che final rejects, for thr connrile are building new accommodation only for thesuuall fauilies who can be neatly packed into these boxes-in-boxes like uniform wedges of lrozen. lish in a relrigerator. And here the children ean only play on the dark broken stairs, or in the one usable roo where everyching takes place, and where their night isalways light and their day is always twilight, and where che stove wreathed with «team rising from boiling water, boiling washing, boiling fat, deminates dhe room bike Moloch. Often, the trapped mothers fasten the children, even the four year old, imio cots or high chairs or prams where dhey cannot move, ane tight-lipped and deeply depressed reluse (o speak (o them or touch the excepr in sudden anger They come to school at five, scarcely able to walk or talk. Such children Took listlessly at dolls and cots and all the waren paraphimalia with which other children play out Family life But onceT saw two older ones, seven and eight. find the wendy house.'They began 10 play with it, preiending to bea mod child in a kitchen, cooking ~ noc lovingly but with nightmare anxiety! Atleast itwas good that they could at last play out the nightmates 58I saw a television documentary revendy hat filmed an area like his, and showed the high spot ol the children’s school holiday — he time when other children went to the couniry, #9 the sea— when into these harsh, crammed, noisy sueets a bulldozer arrived 10 demolish some of the buildings, and the dust was ten thicker than usual, and the usual jangling re shatieting mind-blasting pitch, and the childven were excited and rilled to become absorbed in the worll’s work, and to watch oficial destruction, It was only demolition work that they ever saw no quiet building, In Islington, a London borough with 11,000 on the housing list where twenty-two acres is taken up by prisons, a deputation went 10 the Home Ollfice because the Government had announced dhat i was goitig to rebuild one oF che prisons, Holloway. The leader ol the deputation asked, ‘Would there be any open space lelt over when Holloway isrebuile?. .. There is nowhere fora mother to go witha pram, even fora walk.” But the Minister of State for Home Affairs (g sardonic title in the circumstances) said that if there were any open space left they would build anotherprison 4Atthie opposite end of London, my end, Ewen to ist a sick mani’ family. When I ame into the living-room where he ly, 1 saw that hisbed had bea moved, from the best wall whose ouly faule was thatthe draughis whistled through the holes behind the wallpaper, oa wall so sodden the paper peeled off at a touch lke bark (ror a ace, This wall was under the window. Te was suuuuuertine, and he wanted io see out into dhe garden. The garden! A strip of yard where the only tap was, snd where the children kicked the lavatory door before they went into deive of dhe rats Mr King stretched outa litle, and resied his elbow on the broken window-sill under the broken sath cord. A rat actually juiuped there, paused a moment ard seed at hin. Mr King joked chirpity, “A rat may look ata King!” Rats did't seem to ‘worry him excep that he did't Tike the children having ta dive them out ofthe lavatory. (But perhaps they would worry him amore, thought, ihe werenot dying) He hud recently acquired some friends, reliable friends who 1 knowledge of how the worl is un — the ‘When 1 called, the NSPCC Inspector had managed te «und wallpaper. But she couldn’Cuse duean when the ‘walls were so wet, so she hud got on to the Sanitary Department of the Borough Council, hoping they might chase the landlord. But the landlord wants them out; then he'll do up the cottage and lett for four times the rent In fact, he offered them £2 50t0 go Mrs King, a simple soul, was enchanted and thought it very kind of him, but Mr Ring and the Inspector thought otherwise. How ‘would a dying man and his inadequate wife and the four children silat home find anywhereelse 1 live? Meanwhile the walls drip and the rats scamperand the plaster falls in «flurry froma holes in the ceiling; and we wondered what would happen ifinstead the Sanitary Depart chance to have to take. sf wtcondemned the house - what a desperate ae Sanaa Upsairs, though, one of the nso rooms is drier. This is the one where the Foor has a huge hole in it, and slants so much you can searcely stanid upright. Another Inspector and the eldest boy painted it lasi weekend, and now the dirce youngest sleep dheve in the gaicer rom hie hed, Mr King, responsible sand capable, nam Euriy affairs. He gave his wile niuney te buy a loal of bread, and received back the change, counting each penny, when she renamed, forrshe is not very bright, She talks ol his ‘running sores swith the same scaster-brained interest as she might of her daughter's wedding. cake, and wonders chattily why he cries I got up to go. And then suddenly, he said something that was starting coming from him, a practical man concerned, even when, heis dying, with payments on time, with rent tribunals, landlords, publicassistance and rat catchers and all the responsibility of running « hou. ‘I wih you could fd out for me,” he said, where Irould get a canary. A Yorkshire or a Norfolk or an. Affican canary. T used to breed them orice, you know." 1 was shaken, 37Going home I dhoughe, was it toa funure, orisitjus 14? And what would a canary swing! where the letid air from the g hope, orn obstinate insisience Butsome districts are ‘hetter", more open, more sophisticated need for limpid tranquillity Mine & one, Just up theroad frome is another wouncl block, a ‘om thal rotting human scale one. Someone h bright idea of mixing young ter micets thi i .d small children, with old people. So the Council man, what would itmake ofthe rats, and es with lower flats which dhey let weld people and. Uhe canary? Wouldn’t the canary’s singing drench his end in a upperats which they lee to young fatuilies. The children are glorions shawer of golden notes like fireworks in the evening, and notallowed io playin their Dats, because the old people cannot ake the children’s eyes dau from a dyin and his simple, cheerful wife stand ihe noise. They are not allowed co play ou their balconies more dicerful and light-headed still? because the old people can’t stand the noise. They are not And I thought, supposing one of the children managed to write allowed to ply on the path hecause the eld people might lvout das in school (/My Few ratand my canary") in fall over them. And of course hey are nov allowed eo pla haotie formations er explosions of words, Would the teacher cou the grass, the tidy mown cherished piece of grass, because give her good marks ? Would che lovingly reciprocate ! Or not only can the old peaple nor seand the noise, but the grass would it bein very bad taste" ? is sacred.Jacky, a friend of mine from another street, once paused at the notice hoard on a grasey overgrown triangle of land, and read out ‘Children are not allowed 1o play on the grass", Jacky being only four, we said, “Can you read then?" ‘No,’ said Jacky scornfully Then how did you knows it said that ?” And surprised at our ignorance, she maticr-of-facily answered, ‘Well, wherever’s there's grass, children aren’tallowed to playon it, are tk (Once when the Council had sen: a man to mow the Lawa in front of the maisonettes, the scent of the cut grass in the sun gol nwo te children’s noses and made them drunk, and they can about kicking the amazed stulf into the air, and picking it up in cushiony handfuls to breathe its juicy sweeeness, and rolling over and over like cows ou sunsofi windfalls or cais on catmint shrieking and laughing for joy. The caretaker said phoning for the Council and we'll see about that wimly he was J another day. someone had given a sinall boya huge bag ol conkers. He took then outside, and other children came and sat on dhe path and he divided them between dhetn all because there were so many, Some children had as many as ten each. They ‘were very baautlul. “The old people will fall on them,’ shouted the caretaker, andl ‘We'll ce abou tha” ane phoued forthe Council or said he was going to Seshe builds up in these nal chileren because he himsell cannot cope without these divisions hatred of the old people ‘who could have heen leisurely, placil, experienced companions ior them, glad of thevitalty and the renewed growth the children brought them. The ehildren grew aggressive, and sullen and smouldering The tenants hele a meeting. “Can't the children ha e just a bit, ‘where can theypplay then, if they can't play in their Hats, oF oF the balconies, the paths, the grass?” Outside in the street, he said The street is the main London—Brighton highway. One child has already been killed there oB happen? What wengeance wou So, in this biack of maisenettes, where the Coneil carcsaker isever alert fr trespassers - children why live there and uy play —a mother rebelled. In hot summer, when a pink copper cloud hung in the sky tenuously dissolving. and in other paris uf London the trees were lush and shady anid the grass wide snd welcoming and the white paths were bobbing with grave pursemaids and gay au-pairs and all the elegant fantasy of hight prams with qaselled canopies, she bought a siuall plist paclling pool, she purit in thc uildle of dhe holy patch of gras And poured jugtuls of water in i. It was for everyone. The children cane running, The adults were aghast, lightened, unnerved. Whar would be taken the caretaker said he'd get the Council, Tic rebel another said she didn’t care it he did; by the tite they arrived, the children’s day would he over. He Kept coming outand shouting he was phoning the Council : they ‘were on their way, now, he shouted. Championed by this on mother, the children delied him. The Connell never could sey the children had.won. But the happiness haud gone out ‘of them, Until the carctaker liad threatened them, they had been ame. You ing there naturally, because the sum was blazing down and it natural 10 splash in cool water, crissrrossing the soles of vour amp bare fece with grass and washing it ofl again in she weking water. They had been splashing, shouting, revelling, absorbed n the cool caress of the water, watching with interest andl curiosity winking drops thiceaplosive yplash, the settled spray, the si con a blade of grass, Bu then they stopped playing navurally. They were playing auock-furtively, definuly, angrily, tauntingly, notin creive pleasure but in battle, Theyswould ran to the pool and dipa toc in, dit head over dheir shoulder w hear a shout fiom the caretaker, the shoul more exciting than the water whose ve. They were chained to the pool by the adult's enmity, all creativeness gone, Then onc by one, they went indoors, not knowing why the glory pleasure was forgotten, They were ne long of the sun that still shone had gone down for them ~ urnil only inc or tw were lel beginning to throw things aullonly, small things ac first, Maybe soon the caretaker would have something bigger to phone the Council forie) London hatesehildven. Children are che bottom of the pile, the lowest rung ofthe ladder, the small scapegoat available tthe ‘most inadequate oy the most harassed adult. And London creates harassed adults, and, by ies ever-increasing impossible demands, inadequate ones ‘We have anap palling bus service here, When the children come our of school.and there is already 2 long line of people waiting at the bus sto. the adults become vicious. Fate moves along the line palpably stiffening everyone. “Bloody litle devils.” *We had co walk when we were their age "Taking grown-ups" seats! “Oughit’(1o beallowed "Bloody devils!” Why don’t they make them walk!’ The conducior cooperates by yelling atthe children and ordering them off the bus whenever ke san, chus winning passengers’ friendship in a way that ~ the service being so ‘macdening only happens when chey are both united against someone cle: When a young friend of mine moved up to secondary school and found himself having to take this bus, he was so upsec by the grown-ups’ anger that he prelersed to walk ~ and it was long way however late he gor home: About that time, ina different district, smal girl was assaulied, Shehad been walking home from schooi, and a lot of accusations were made against her mother for heing so meanas not to give her bus-iare; but che mother said that she did give her bus-farc, but the grown-ups were so naste cathe kids far setting on dhe buses dha sh Yet further north, where the cities are smaller and you can see the hills at theend of the street, they are not nearly so hateful to childven. {avon a bus ia Shellield when the schoolchildren came out, flooding to the bus stops. Now a Londoner, I cringed But nobody swore atthe children. could searcely believe i The kids hurled themselves on tothe bus, elattered clumpily up, the stairs, crowded into the downstairs ~and the passengers sntled ai one anorher ina Loving family complicity, and the 64 d she'd sooner walk. conductor joked with « horde of lads on the placform, pretending. to punch thesn, fewas amazing 20 me, and wonderk Two Fite schoolgirls in warm winter scarves sat near the conductor. Or rather, only one sac; the other one was leaning forward and then standing up and talking to the conductor, and the exo of them, the child and the man, had this conversation in their slows unconstrained Shellield woices that give everyoue the same amounr of respect “How old do you hase to be, to bea conductox “Well, don’t kisowe. Let me think. ..-Bighteen. Yes, eighteen you have ro be.” “Fightecn “Why did you ask? Do you want to be one then ?* Yes. {All this veryslow and long-drawn-out*F think Ud like tobea conductor. [like running up and down stairs, you sce... But Ponty ren, sa long ime ro wait. .1'd have co vwait eight years, Is Tong time, cight years... But ol, Ido want vo be something ‘There was in her voice and in her face that awareness of gradually moving time, of rime moving one along to some special moment snconjecrured as yer but surely so wonderful, ‘when it comes. This is something you only seein girls You see it here in London inthe faces of sixteen year olds leaning against larnp-posts in ther school uniform waiting lor the bus, with cher hair escaping in golden tendrils rom :wseless school hats. You see it in the ollcegials, wakened [rom their ‘dreams by the alarm clock yer still rearing, hai still muz7y from the pillow, cyesstill smadgy and cloudy from sleep, teetering up the High Road in stiles heels, bandaged so ight in thei shore skint, they carevon to get on the bus and the conductor has to haul them aboard in their ridiculous enchanting incapacity Everything they do has ths larger echoing rouching quality; so that what they actualy say is only a starcng point lor your surprised response to them. Somehow they are always potential “They are never completely in the present bur always leaning forward. They have that extraordinary hopefulness that isalways con the brink of turning into delight. They are waiting, but not 5a conversation like thatGrass is not for playing on, Hlowersare not forpicking, trees are not for climbing. In Landon, a child ina wee splitsthe sky asunder, thunder secms to crack, lighting forks, and anyadule ruear chinks at ouce of Berstal Tonce passed an adventure playground where live ne six bows of nwelve or so were climbing some high ramshackle construction, 30 high chat it was very visible sbove the lence —« mistake te be paid lor, asall adventure playground workers know - when a man with a bowler hatand a neatly rolled umbrella came by. He stopped, horrified, He could scarcely believe his eyes. A policeman on the corner was leaning on the bonmet of a ca, muaking notes. The man walked swiltly up and poked the policeman in the arse with his umbrella, “Dfficer!” he said, Officer" The policeman clenched his teeth and said nothing. ‘The man poked him again. *Ollicer ! Ollicer” A few more sharp pokesand commands, and thepoliceman. fuming, and still refusing to turn round, said ‘Just whit is dhe matter, sir?" “Look! ‘the man waved his umbrella ; he was incoherent - ‘Look !” ‘Look at what 2” sid the policeman with deliberate weight. “Those boys! Look! They're climbing!" “They're allowed to, sir,’ said the policeman. “It’s their playground.” “But... “I'you don’t mind, sir. 'm busy here.’ ‘But ~ they're climbing!” ‘I know, sir. There is nuthing I can do, sir.’ “But—they’re climbing TCs fantastic! Disgracelul! Appalling The policeman presented only a wide impervious arse, so the man walked into theroad, halted the tuallic imperiously with a wave of his umbrella and marched over, exclaiming aloud, ‘Fantastic! Disgraceful” wrning around ashe crossed 10 wave his umbrellt at the eblivious boys. Thave seen three city girls sent crazy-drunk in springiimeby the unknown, anexpected sight and sinell of tfenced Council laid out beds of tossing daffodils, so thar they rushed at them and picked them and threw themall in the air, ikean ecstatic puppy in one's armsvwill gobble up « bunch of violets, quite out of their for maybe at lastin them. 68 [have seen chiliren in a park varied off from picking blossom, encouraged by a sympathetic adult 1o pick the dandelions that grew among the grass, thinking that was sale for dher, But I saw te dandelions whipped asvay from ther byan outraged keeper sho scour gee them wich withering words, aud dien, before the children’s agonized eyes, rammed the lowers into a rubbish bin, smashing them down righteously to make sare they coulel not be escued oF vevived The children on Council estates cannor keep animals, and cannot grow flowers. | am sure childreat need to be in touchy with the carth, need to have their fingers in svil, and their eyes looking into um aninnal’s, or s bird’s eves. These children are dissociated from the universe, and the rhythm of dhe universe they are like a nove that hts been hurled out of the seme. Bur in the city, ain s only an enemy. Earth is dhe horrid detested ditt iat they furtively, guilily, bring in on their shoes, Rain mens divt io mud), snd you got elobbered for thar. The approved ground is conerese. What you grow dhings ont is blowing paperLp thera fom heres some parkland And here La four {itdten plying Their bal went up ino ate. And sudden, tamblng chou che eaesan apple ell dwn, The cildren cere wonder ck Anoppefaling oot of oe! Hane i et "They examined it co see if it was real, and were amazed that it was Gravely. srl Hite noubled by temstery they beg Pay agp tain sidelony glances more and more often at he tang tee unl at lst, semi accel, he ball gin sled wp Inv the ee and wonder of wonders another apple cane down, ane itwas settled beyonitany doubt! They were seized by elonoun meinen wil delight and everand ove the al shot up ino heures and the apples pled down, ny, worn, chante apples, Asuch enchaoed eidren Nevers set Tvs bad they sern sch a hing apples growing on es ke a piraveina hook “Tes with ehem vas enranced by teieight, and with Uheknunledge ha cameo hens th he delight revelations dn she pretended she saw nothing hates, ssa the iting eaves and eigs an upples with an eye alr for a keep Burson her lend came up, dood cherish overs all Qelght inn, and was shocked nd str aa ei They went fn, Ba the children ook the magic pple them hen ne poche apes ha pre oes Someone once tol me tht whe she ws a hil in Vienna her smother bought up one whole surnmercrop of a cherry tee for the children. Fora spring, summer and autumn, the ree wats the children’s. Nose-deep in spring in the creamy curds of blossom, perched in summer in among the swinging chervies, mouth and lothes srained crimson with the season's culmination, ehey lived in their cherry tree. Phey were atone with the sky, an accepted partof the whole, wide, magical, reasonable, rhythmical world. 70 ql Children, because they are small and weak, because they have had Tiule experience, and because it suits us to Condition then quickly before they have more experience, become secretly convinced we are omnipotent, and that any catastrophe is the result of our wrath, our wrath with them. tf the sky were to fall on them, they would think i had happened because they had peed on the floor when we had warned them notto. ‘What dreadful erime they have committed, cis has made some children rejected and unloved, the childeen do not know. But ost people's childhood. itis punisbmmenc that tells them they have committed a crime, and this has always been enough. So untoved children know, nor chat zheir parents are at fault, unhappy or inadequate, but chat they ~ the children ~ have committed a crime. ‘There are some homes where these rejected children are kept atbay with cold meaningless gilts, orare reckoned up in terms of the examinations they pass, or are hatefully ignored so that they do not ever know for sure that they are there, let alone when or hhow they committed their crime. These homes are called “good” homes, so society says nothing to these children. Never openly accused, they spend their lives desperately hiding the “knowledge” oftheir guile, the secret “kaowleage” that they ate murderers — they murdered love. Teachers like children like tis, They work hard and pass examinations, because they know they are always on vial But in other homes, these children are beaten, or deliberately burnt, of left naked on soaked matiresses. And then society itsll confirms with a clap of thunder their rerifying Fantasies. Society itsell surrounds them with policemen, takes therm to court, tries them, and condemts them ro he taken away rom everyone they now and shut up ima special place where only other like criminals live, We call this place a Home. have seen children in these Homes. They sidle up ro any Stranger. They cing to you, they slide their hands inside your sleeves, they rub themselves against you ~notin nanquil Friendliness butt a grotesque masturbation, and nor only chat, ndo~ growing only deeper as years. and experience and fortuitous, happenings are piled on wop like earth on a corpse —is the bowomless despairing conviction that they have commited an unspeakable crime, Ie mustindeed be unspeakable, sinc ever speals of it Tknew owo children from a Home. Brother and sister, they had hall-brothers and sisters scattered all over the country. Th Home was anesiate separated by large gates [rom the ordinary world. They never nipped mvund ta the shop on the corner, they s, oF grected you it a park, or climubed uces for conkers in the gold of autumn and hielden in the leaves heard. ion of sirangers. They lived only among their kind, ‘What was thir hind? Well, these ewe were children wh bbelure, sereamied beside their father as he hanged himself: their her had abandoned them ~ gone off with anodher man. Their dran in this Hone co [our hundred or Bul once every three weeks ihey were invited into the ouside world bya friend of mine who for seven years, while the children sere moved from place to place, an thee files were last, and the aulults who dealt with them had changed over and over again, had remained their constant ‘auntic bur almost asifthryare ying (o Uefine themselves, to outline themselves, to tell themselves. “Phat is where I [eel something Ghat must be my surface.’ And some visitors, geting our of their cars and pausing fora minute .o let che glow of doing wortinwhile thing fall on them like sunshine, are tattered, actually flattered thinking this insistent wriggle af arms and legs is due to their awn personal charm, ‘Aren't icy sweet! they exclaim, modestly distracting attention Irom themselves. Sweet! My God, they are obscene, They arenot human. The essential attribute of a huanaan being, the physical ideatity they should have fel in babyhood, the calm assurance of being loved and therefore of loving, has been taken away ftom them. And [ar lar behind everything theyMer all those years, chey still marvelled at the things thar went ‘om in her house that “uncle” shaved, that he went 10 work ever morning, thac he andl “auntie” slept in che same bed, that they ‘went f0 shops, chose whiat they wanted to buy anc paie with money, that vegetables had names like ‘cauliffower" and people ate them. ... Her home was. strange and remarkable place, almost eccentric they would have thought if they had gained the vocabulary to dhink with, Iewas the only place where they could keep individual possessions —a toy. a jar of paint, frilly petticoat, white knickers, a hair ribbon, a hamster Te was in her house that I saw the ease tev hiad brought with them that weekend from the Home. One blue jersey. ragged, unravelling, full of large holes. One dirty shire, faded to grey, full of tiny holes. Two separate halves of pyjamas, the top half filthy, he bottom half clean, both the size for a child half this age, both so washed ouc they might almost have been the same pattern but chey weren't, One filthy shirt, faded to two completely diflerenc colours, Everything was dirty and disintegrating, everything was several sees too small Everything had a name inside, some several names, and not one name rheir own. Yet my friend was constantly buying them clothes, clothes that they celighted in because they weve like hers, ‘or ‘uncle’, or her own children’s; butas soon as they got them Home they were ‘lost’, their housemorher told them, and they never saw them again Soin this way and in many many other ways, asways coming between the two children and their ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’, the authorities confirmed for the children what their frst abandon. ment had already told them — not that any adulis were at fault, bat that they were not fit co be loved. ‘And when they are no longer children, neither the “clever” child ‘who has survived examinations, nor the “dull” child from he Home, what becomes of them? How many of rhem can ever make a full relationship? How many of them dare? Hew many dare stand naked betore another human being and say, ‘Tcomuiteed the crime of not being loved. Am I forgiven ?* uM Nina has been working fora fortnight ina one o’elock club. She wrote to me "Thove isa very cough kid who cores here = Susan, her name is, and she’s light, She's brimming with confidence, and talks ina strident. capable, cockney voice: Allo, mist! You alright, nist? elp you, mise" She Tooks at you with her fice tilted down slightly, and her eves watchful and steady, 26 i she's ready for you to shout or it out at her at any moment She's nor frightened or beaten — just defiane and strongly ready for any provocation into bale, ‘Today she came with her three older b earsold— except tha onc of his irltend, They look extraordinarily particular *beocher" carne up tome “are you Miss?" Yes" “No, “Well, Pm supposed 10 be “You careving tings in? Pl do it “Thanks very niuch. You could help axe with this table” "No, Tetake ic? the same under-the-eyebrows way of looking ar you, and never aicker of sie ‘Thew Susan, with her usual ‘You alright, miss, and the nwo other boys joined in earring heaey eqiipment (som the felt he hut Pauline saw chem i the hur officially a play asca for understives ony ‘Come on now out you go, you older children — you're ro big tobe here.” My helpers ignored her- She bunged on the table and yelled at them. They scouted. Just outside the hut, onc of thera grabbed a tay iron | “ening board and ran olf with it, another knocked pcr some rows, and a third tooka toy trlleyand ran with i, dragging it over the fence with him, All four of them were very angry. So Was I “They were helping,” sole Pauline No, they weren'e' How to cope with Haz one?) “They were helping me.’ said, and went iowards where the four kids \were, calling" Pirne, come hack They ignoted sme wniderstandably, 1 though {eattind on with my work, Pauline ran over 10 the fence showing, shuilly, Bring back those chings at once, will you ? Come on now, yon Porrors! Veen into the bt Wwelve and Ihigsinecr but thors —eleven std hie ws ke, theye nwt! This 18A few nomen later Pauline came smugly an with the four Lids Well, ef course,’ Laid, “they were “Thank you,’ Tsaid Theyre going to help uy— ied at te kik helping hetore” And I ‘We finishes! carrying al the swf inside and L stood onthe sep chatting we four of thea, Suddeuly he dhttecn year old bent down aud picked something ay fre the stad by the step oul ireepenne, be sai, ea conic: lashing ucvons his fare as he ghawed it tte "Ni 1 Land avert” And be clutched the dureepeany piese. looking confus uly. “Findors keeper,’ Isai, smiling There was noone around bewailing the loss of thrcepence. The lad stood up, thrust his hand out, ‘Gt you st." | ok the tireepieniny piece, snl Handed i brick to hits aying, ‘Is Irieay— here's weekend present for you. Ane he kook a Immediately che ewelve year old put his hand ix his pocket and wok ou a penny (one he had fond somewhere 2) "Ere you are, rng, be sail | tuk the petany, laughed, and gave it Inack i the hoy, eying, “Happy +riday." And he popped it hack in his pocket Altera bit he eleven year old said, “You here Monday? Seevon Monday."T won't be here." Isai way was ny last day a the Plas Park). ‘Dh well, se-yon apery. We'll eomeand help you." *es, we'll comeaud help,” they all seid sue side, jus fats, “Shing,” | sai from the eleven year old, 1 uumed back. “Yup?’ Tsaid casually. "1 want ro give you something,” he and turned to go unto the hut. “Miss, mms said and as | looked a: him, 1 sas him let goof handful of sand hebine bishack, “Oh no? I langhed, 1 thanks "No," hesaid, “Tan down. Hekiss my check, “Now me,” suid the thttees year old ane he kissed me an the cheek too. “Your to the ewelve year ol, who was abit embarrassed and blushed. "He wants Toad of sand ia may face hisper something." I bent my head doesn't have ra ithe doesn’ want to," said, “but thank you~ you've my weekend’ and I seally meant it | wasvexy moved and pretty anace ‘The four kids used and left — sturdy, grave, rough, rough bullies of ids - (wo of them to return co junior seioolon Monday, and wo ol Ta-ra,"theycalled as they them toa “home” iva fortights rine. * fence, sill unsmiling. And on the other side they hues h bids fig dimbed overt themielves on top of one another ina rough to2 1 wars raking about writing for children, and of children’s need to ‘work through griel, (ear and catastrophe, And someone in the audience said she lived near Aberian, where in October 1966 the coal ipsengulled a village and buried the school, wiping out almost whole generation. Her boy, age seven, insisted that the television news he kept onall day long, The adults wanted co tw it off; chey found ic unbearable ; but the child would not allow them tn. Yor five days that child watched the television screen, the digging, the weeping, the foodlights, the carrying away of dead children, the catkins, the Howers. For five days he insisted on seving the newspapers, the photographs, the heaullines. The adults were near breaking-point, yet they managed to continue 10 trust the child . During these five days, he began to play with his ‘Action Man? oy, sisting the doll’s limbs and body into contorted agonizing shapes, very disturbing to che adults. Then he began to make a pile of his toys in che middle of the room still with the television set on, He got his torch and fixed itso that itshone on the huge heap. Theu finally be set his Action Man on cop of the heap and brought him crashing co the bottom, The parents were sick and full of dread, But he child was finished with it, He had come te He had been cémpletely relaxed and able to take all dilficulties imhis stride ever since, said his mother. But many parents can't stand such exploration. They have had to suppress so much in themselves that a child’s explorations terry and agonize thet, and they forbid them. But these parents lee the child's natural rhythm have its way, How often docs this happen? In Leivester, recently, someone told me:she had been talking. toa child in school chat morning, a girl of seyen. The conversation went something like this. Pm getting a pound on Friday, Miss Are you really? A pound of whar? A pound of potatoes? No¥A pound of money! * ‘Oh. What are you going to spend iton ? Not going co spend it. It’s for my Grandad’s funeral Has your Grandad died ? No. My Graa’s died. [But you said it was for your Grandad'sFaneral. Well, my Gran’s died, and my Grandad’s got to pay for the funeral. And he says he hasn't gor the money. He's got to get severt or eight pounds, So my Dad says he'll give him a pound switen he gets paid on Friday. And my Mum says she'll give him a pound when she gets paid on Thurseay. And everyone's giving him a pound for Gran’s funeral... So I'm giving han a pound for his mun funeral ‘There was so much expressed by this child, Love and consideration for her grandfather, who must have scemed to her to have only the worry and none of the kudos ofthis family event: perhaps she hada special reason for identifying with someone who gor left out when the giving took place. the booking ofa place in the capable adult world where you could give valued help to those you love. and, through this acceptance of a practical faccand practical setion, a coming through grief Bus flow tnany teachers in a city school, where they set up a ‘middle-class bulvark against the working-class life diat maybe ‘was cheirs, could accepr such a fantasy, i fantasy i is, and enjoy sucha story? How many teachers in any case can accept the Lact of death? They come from a social group chat tends to shu away Gisturbing things les they become overwhelming. And being, surrounded by children always toving past chem a the world while they remain bebind, there must alten be with them, making a counterpoint with the perpetual youth the recurring waves of children bri gone and an awareness of approaching death, Workingeclass life, and death — these are eva things to keep bartened down. J old the story of Grandad’s funeral ar Wolverhampton, and a hheadimistress said that the previous day, atassembly, she became avsare of a small gi, seven years old, rubbing againse her. “what i it. Valery 2” "My Auntie May died yesterday." hem, a deep regret for time“Oh Tam sorry, love. Put it in your news'— patting the chile and moving on to something urgent A couple of hours later, there was Valery again, pressing against ber ‘My Auntie May died yesterday ‘Olt Lan sorry, love"... and again haying io move on. This happened wice more during the day sand she said to herself, “I really must got Valery t0 herself in my room, so dhat she can get it all off her chest, poor lamb,” So a litle while later, in her room, she gathered Valery on her lap and warjnly said, “I'm so sorry about your auntie, love. 1 expect youl Aniss hers Tot." ‘Oh ny ! stid Valery, puting her right, “We've got lots of thean 1" $0 | told both these stories in Liverpool. And somebody said thar the grandmother of one of the children in her class harl heen agonivingly ill fora long time. And when the mother did not expect her to last out the weekend, she asked the teacher please ‘would she take Marian home with her? The teacher did so. and on the Saturclay moming the mother phoned her; the grandmother had died, The mother was very upset; she couldn't bear to tell the child herself; there was. deep bond between the child and the grandmother. Please would the teacher break it te her? 80 All day the teacher tried to think how to tell Marian. By evens, she still didn't know. She decided to give che child a specially nice supper, read her a pleasant story, uiake sure she had a good rest. and tell her in the morning. All night the teacher lay awake. tn th morning alier breakfast, utterly exhausted, she told her. Then can [sleep in the big bed " cried Marian eagerly Funnily enough, someone gave me a copy of Chukovsky’s Tu te Five, andl there, in that silted translation, among the things Russian children had said in his hearing Ifound Granny, will youdie? Yes, Iwill dic And will you be buried ? Yes, Iwill be buried, Deep? Yes, deep. ‘Then, Granny, canZ have the sewing machine * So in York Itold all these stories. And a teacher told me aboura small bey who said to her, ‘Miss, my Nan’s dead. We had the funcral Saturday. .. And we had a smashing hnees-up afier!B 1 alked some time ago to someone who teaches groups of beckward readers ina junior school. Sie is well qualified, but not ina way the teachers’ union accepts. She managed to get taken on as “medical personnel"; this enabled inadequate teachers in advance t deal disparagingly with any success she was likely to have. “Oh, of cowse is all right for fer. She doesn’t have to She found thae the ceachers maintained that reading had nothing to do with them (the children should hrow how co read ami coutd not bear a child ro touch them (‘it makes me feel sick One day, one of her bays went home fr his dinner-moncy just in time to see his Fahey broughe outona stretcher— he had put his head in the gas oven. The boy, feeling warmly towards her told her about icin disiress, when he ceme back. The teachers ‘were entremely hostile, He has no right ro tell you sueh ehings And you have no right ro enconrage hit.” (nce, when working witha group oj children from problem families! she same group who preferred pretend tea to rea ta, T tried o explain to a social worker of a supposedly non: authoritarian organization why 1 was writing the children’ ‘on chairs, om hooks, on the wall, on rable mats, on everything possible, in every colour of the rainbow: they were the only tunder-fves [ have ever met who tale no resporne te the sound ‘of their own name : Pm trying to get them to know their own. idenvity.’ (said, ‘Oh, but is thaca good idea,’ she said, “wher: each family only has one or two rooms to live in? Ifthe children have their own identity, it’s going to cause alot of rouble.” OF course hier logic was right, though her aims in lle seemed to be different from mine... an example. if needed one, of how extremes mect, or, to be more explicit, of how authoritarians and nnon-authoritarians ean join hands to confirm the saius gu, joindy curning the key. 82 To such people, love is as disturbing ay violence ‘because both cock a snook at outside authority). People who serve thestate ina mediator eapacity — cachers, social workers and so on = fee ‘quently try to link young people into safe relationships tie, relax tionships that will support the sat gu fearing hac otherwise they will nake natural ones which are unsale’. They are terribly airaid of what they call “unaitached youth”; hut that this is not ‘concern fora young person's loneliness is shown by the Fervent distaste with which they try to separate young people fiom aatiachments of their own choice, which social workers sometimes teler to, in words no doubs intended to sterilize firing bacilli, as “pairing Yoursee the results of this clamping down on children’s ema tional experience, including love, all around ws, [was in & Classic cinema some years ago, ina working.class area, which was showing The F-Shaped Room. Las not atthe cine, U remember, struck by any clement of stark shocking realism in the fla; the abortion scene I thought naively unreal, Bur he main qualiy ini ‘was then revolutionary ~ it was the tendemess of teenagers, whicl, extended into tender physical lovemaking Tn the middle of such a love scene (still hen unusual in English- speaking cinema), a boy in romt, wenage, suddenly farted, very Joudly and forveiully, A roar of laughter went up from his mates. Another one fasted. Thew they al joined in, about ten youths, all straining hysterically to fare as loudly as possible, ‘The fear in the cinema was almost palpable: bur of course no ‘one spoke. The tension was so great you might have thought che boys were fing offrevolvers. The audience was paralysed. At such times any action takes ona heroic quality :so middle-aged ushereute lieroically got che manager. And the manager ordered thei to leave. They argued back. Eventually, witha dealening amount of noise, they gor up. each one slamming his seat slammning each seat in the row as he passed along, and slamming each seat in the long aisle as he moved rowards the ex When all had gone the geneval relic! was as palpable as th sand again unvoiced. And at the end of che performance dhe 85erative audience stood ut rigid arcention for the national anihem This was something Thave never secu it diac cinema before or Serving Furilely to ger ont of this suceenly conmsipatedlly paviotic cinema, Iwondered low such adults can help young pe. TI raged to be at one with their feelings their feelings bows’ nerves were an edge; they hai frighten hens; and dey wouder whether ehey dare risk growing, expericuces such as this which they do not feel competent for Will their feelings frighten them less because hey have managed to distrace attention from thera by their pout and farting the best way of and will adulis whose only reaction t distarksmice is « ludicrous authoriarian unity dare to understand this repression of tenderness is still exitaordinarily strom in 5 eration, making love nos coumercial bos began to makea packet out of thei» beauiilal lisenckhip with them. You see mea slowly turning a knob or Jie (he original young hipyy moving # lever, their head cocked gn one side in intense conrentration, feeling, listening, delicately and tenderly synduronizing their movement, their behaviour. with the response they get. You rarely see them behaving like this with a fellow human being. Who'd waste such delicaze togetherness on a perv? A towa-hull olfical almost choked with outrage when 90 ‘job, and waited in the corridor hand in hand. ‘We don’t allow r—matried, as it happened — curned up for ‘ualing herel’ he statteved through clenched eeeth. Unforranately for Michael when he got into the interview room, the official asthe interviewer. So since Michael was the only one \with qualifications, and since Michael was evidentiy bevo pale, the vacancy was left unfilled. Can't let emotional people mixwith our books, Bad enough that emotional people write 84 I cas sitting ina ralteay carriage. A young mother and father came in, with a baby abouta year old. the mother seated the baby by the windows. ‘Ouiside the window stood the mother’s parents, Through the lass they diauered, coved, laughed at the baby, ran thes i up the window, and called. They were concerned only and completely, with the baby, The young mother was very slers. ‘When the main began to pull out of the station, and the giandparcnes waved to the baby, waving until they were out of sight, die tnother spoke to the baby with satislaction. “Nan gone. Nan gone.’ and instructed the baby to repeat ic veveral times. Tucked into the corner, on a long journey, as dark came on 1 ‘watched in the mirror of my window Now the baby sar in her young mother’s lap. But ce bb ‘wanted to stand. There was space on the seat next to her, and the baby reached aut for it with one woolly leg. The young mover with a deep suttering sigh that established her status as an a tule and her uuimpeachable moral position asa mother sat the baby on the seat Buc the haby didn’t want to sit. She wanted to stretch her legs, 1 feel her developing power. She tried to stand. The mother slapped hes —nos hued, just enough 10 condition her not to react 19 impulses ~and took lier again on her lap. The baby eried The father took a cigarewte packet irom his pocket and gave it to the baby. The baby was interested, shook it, explored it with her mouth, chen ~ still exploringly— gave ie to her lather, He held ic, then handed ir bck. She shouted for joy, and gave ito him again, This went on. lew times, backwards and lorwards, now becoming very absorbed. Then, changing her pattern experimentally, she offered it to a surprised young man ‘opposite, sho took i, thanked her and handed ichack, Again, delight, followed by absorption. Soon half che carriage was involved, like a folk-dance chain. The baby gave to one, and that done gave w another. and tharone gave to another, until finally 86 it retumed to the baby, who gave again, svith a grave jov. Ie was magical... the rhyehm of hte Then the mother took the packet away from her and gaye it back w the father, ying sharply dhough quietly “Puc itaway He did so, The baby cei. The mother slapped he. "The faher read his newspaper. Everyone retreated and read cheir newspaper: T suppose che mother would have sai rationalizing, thatthe baby was being at sanoe. But she wasnt, Everyone was flaetered at being included by the baby, Well, she would fecome a nuisance the mother would haye said, righteously, and implying concern: for society asa whole But the mother was unconsciously playing out the scene with her parentsat the station, her anger and jealousy at the bond betwen them and the baby. Vee what emerged from this immaturity was a demonstration of training in obedience which our society approves. I as sad forthe other passengers, as well as fr the baby, since they had — though the baby ~ begun tof spontaneously, creatively and cooperatively, but doublless most of them received i wich resignation, asthe way lifes and must be. ‘Weal have this tendency a make other people piay parts it our own drama; sometimes they haven't seen the script, and sometimes dont even know what the play is, This is hard on husbands, wives, children, pupils, Ihave done it myself. Once a mother brought her aso anda hall year old boy tn school. Unfortunately she suid she very much wanted because she knew how much [could aecomplish. At hae time | ‘sas punsting another fantasy in which it was vital lor me be omnipotent, but in which L was ailing (twas nursing someone dying of cancer|; 0 Trove instantly to the new challenge, second “iFing, The poor child was not ready to come to a nursery school, atleast not to stay in one without his moter. He sercamed frantically whenever she left the 200m, tn uny ather eircurnstaces Told have said so, But this mother had, at a particular ‘moment, saying a particular line, hurled her child into my personal drama and the child sutleved lor it, Tmet hm a couple of ines later on, and {must say he didn'e seem to bear me any grudge. Small children are sometimes moe forgiving than cone deserves, and none resilient... fora while at any rate 8The day aiter this rain journcy, a lewer arsived from Bob, in a Tiule vitiage in South India. By cance he wrore: “ve just exchanged bits of twig with a stall giel who's been hanging round. She wouldn’e aecept mame at firs, but site tiated me ooltering icand # accepted ic from her and pac it away, Thea T ‘leved het bit att aul stack i Now sic’ gute In Sometimes they touch re: nor quite accidentally, mater surreptitiously English phrases Kumhea, yoot moning, one two tree. Smiling behind their eyebrows.” Again shat natural rhythan of gronth, reaching out, disappearing, reappearing... and always litle farther on, Like Nina’s eleven, wselwe and thirteen year olds in the one o'clock club, who were using a babyhood pattern they had probably never heen allowed to savour in order to bring themselves more np to date in their lives.) ow does this natural shythm of children ever strvive the shock ‘of one Westem-sve bisth, with is cension and convulsion and Us slap on the bare buatocks, and the noise ancl constane lights of the maceruity Hospital, and its authoritarian child-rearing? Oucside in our garden iva baby ina pram, just as he always is— hood up whatever the weather, strapped in, dammy in mouth — chained. gayged and in a walled ccll—sigit, sound, movernent all forbidden. Ver its amazing whas thac human baby ofa year and a half can manage io do against thase odes. In afew minutes ‘exerything is our of the pram, he is mat dhs dummy, and straining on his knees © ger hold o¢ the rop oF the hood anx! peer over it, The derertaination, che energy. he urge to assert human-ness seem indomitable, Presently his mother will come outand he won't hall get a which, She is determined he shall look nice and behave properly gurgling noises behind Tonce sat in an expensive Comish borel where the outlook was, picturesque and me food famous. AC the nexe table were a moter and fathe baby in a high chair. The mother was feeding che baby. When she gave hitn a piece of bread and butter, she held it wp in the air, away from his clutching band, until the baby said Please*~ or 8s 0 children aged abont eleven and thitteen, andl rather, a sound thar she agreed to acceptay an attempt at ‘Please’, {or sie baby was coo young to talk. When she put the bread in his hhanid hee had to say ‘Thank you’, or something like it, orshe took itaway again. The whole furily joined in~ “Say please! Please! Please the children insisted in chorus, ke scjuawking ranks an twee ithey had been through this once, and they were glad now to be on the winning side’, and the father looked suddenly out from bochind his paper and added his oven stern order 10 mark his status and the baby looked at them ina frightened anmsious way and back at the piece of bread that was denied him. and tried to do, hit or muss, this magic imperative meaningless thing. In the middle ofall this nervous strain he burped, and the shricks of horvor that went up startled me, never mind the baby. He jumped in his high chair, shivered, looked round as iFfor an escape, then apprchensively pur his fat pudgy hand over his mouth. “Excuse me! Excuse me!” they all shouted righteously, Ancl after tat they forgave him, and allowed hire to have another bite of bread and batter. ‘There are different ways of doing this, Some ‘progressive’ middle-class people go in for conning; they even con themselves. A three year old and her moiherhad been asked out to tea. “May Igetdown, Mummy?’ asked he bored child. “Of course, darling,” said the mother, with emphatic sweemess. Why ‘ofcourse’, since the child knew she had to ask? Some groups are less saccharine, 1 knew two parents who ‘worked on che buses; the mother was ruthlessly determined, for seasons of her oven ~ her private drama was a very fascinating. spell-binding one—to groom the child for ‘better’ society. She had plans. And because of these plans she would never allow this cighteen month old to cry—whether for physical hurt or for spiritual hurt, When she left her husband — who adored the child and whom the child adored —and took the child with her, she told the child in her imptacable voice that had warnings init *You don't love your Daddy any more. Do you?” And shivering it all hisbody, the child shook his head 89Wien this nauural ryt is distorted by che interference of lalts who are fllowinga private script, anger sets i, Fight years ago a child was playing in our garden with a dover others. He had 4 wouderil sweet sercuity. Ar evo, he played happily and absorbedly by himsel, singing all due while his own meandering off key songs, looking wp as I passed sith a hearing, slightly absent-minded smile, and occasionally geteing, to his fectand coming ro tell me something quick and coniidentral and pleelis, and returning to his work again. And mow at three hhewas no longer a child happily alone among other noisy childbven, but cild aware of omhers His parents were two charming, elegant and culeured people a pleasure to ook at. 1 said to his mother once, “Twonder i you know how lucky you ate having such i wanxqul cild, "The look slue gave me started me. It seemed at home Julian fought, bit kicked, scratched That alicmuou his father cane into thegaden 1 take hin home, ant I sawat ouce why. 1 saw Julian's face and body change helore my eyes Tike the transformation scene in Jekyll ancl (Tyce “The dhild had gor to his feet happy wher his ladhex can, liad stepped out of the saudpit and come singing and dancing gravely coer the grass with nota word to anybody but with a grace in his ‘whole light singing body that said io the work, Weare happy together. We love each over. Every hing ia peace hallway acruss the grass to the gate, when I called to hin, “Julian ~ aspctking ill he gravely wheeled in his dancing, describing an abnorbed arc, and danced Fhack (o:me still singing. He took his car from my hand as he skirted me, as a Cossack on horseback picks up a handkerchief bu dreamily and meditatively. [smiled at him as he danced away ike a child possessed He was ‘you've forgotten your litele car hen his father said, ‘Tulian!” Suill he danced and sang. Jolin” Sul he went on world was breaking in. ‘Julian! Say “Thank you"! ‘The singing (altered. “Say “Thank you’’? The dancer stumbled. The dancer's legs were suddenly heavy, ‘Julian " Fallering, all grace and strength and beauty gone, the child tumed round. His father took hold of his arm —not violenily, for butnot so certainly now, for the oo -© Ihe was cultured man, but with a grip that was not to be throw off and broughe him to me. 1 saw dhe child’s fave and body change froma relayed, loving and thanksgiving tranquillity, 10 taut, sullen contorted hate. It was ny relationship, the casual, lunsought understanding beneoutn Joe lel rl myself tha was being uterly destnayed. I could nor bear to see i, uor be ‘ciated with it. [rumpled the child's hair, pixbed im lightly away, aud walked quickly away to the other end of the hildren were playing ever said thesorially acceptable words givden where the othes 1 do ot know ihe “Thank you". do know that his face anid body had huad swore spotitaxeous ‘Thank you" in them shan any words could excr express. He would have been happy one day to put dhis into Jhich hee would have picked up Irom pleacant adults around him, and would have taken a pleasure in the verbal ‘manslation as one does inany creative shill. But his succeyslul, cultured and conformist father dated not rast A great deal was expected of Julian. | had already been told he had been entered for the same preparatory and public schools at his Father had gone to. The lather’s parents lived near them in an architect designed howse, perhaps wo near, Success, in, terms of money, power anda beautiful cultured surface, was wha was in the family’s mind when they looked at Julian — no They never saw the vital loving child in front of them. Seal wonder he laced theta, aud sinashed cieit expensive glassware and potery o6b Mrs Hill was nineteen when she rook a flat in our house, and John ‘was five months old, Shewas a pretty tiny child-wite, wito had never had childhood, and she treated John like a preuily deessede up loll. Maybe sic had never had a doll; or maybe she had never had the time or the solitude or the permission 10 beat it. 80 she played out her Lost childhood with real live baby whorn she never waned or realized completely she would have. In their flat upstairs alone with the baby she would talk all che time, She was pretending to talk to the baby, but she was talking at the top ol her voiee, making you aware of her existence, She always lfc al the doors open, and tried w condues her whole lige con dic landing, banging and clattering and knocking everything lover in case you had forgotten her for a moment, I chink she hits John so much and makes him scream, so that you know she i there. and therefore she knows she is aise. scaean from John ‘means to the house at large ~"T, Daphne Hill, am here! Remember me!" {How many people— healthy children and immacure adults — are insisting with this destructive anger, 'See me! Her own mother, she wold me, abandoned he farnily andl went off with another man. Mrs Hill alks abour heras she was prostiute: maybe she was. Her father ... well, she says she gave evidence in court against him, but | am notreally sure whether i¢ was for incest or pretended incest or longed-for incest. I shouldn"e think she has had any love ; and this always brings about a sort of rmanipukiting attempt to get some kind of approximation of i, almost out ol curiosity, She says she brought up her kid sister hersell, and now her mother has written to her and told her she ‘must get her young sister away from her father because she's ‘zctting a big girl and he'll start on her next. Bu you can see she hhamkersafier her father, almost aekmires him, rhe father she says she gave evidence against. {tis impossible to tell when she is fantasizing occasionally t have assuined, quite amiably and 9 privately, thacwhat she was saving was lantasy, and later have found uncontrovertibly thac it was nue; fantasy and reality are ierwoven, impossible to distinguish without research, She says she hits Joli all the time because hee father always hit her. ‘Aclist she would tell me tearfully how John had a weak heart = the doctor in hospital had said so, [tis hard to say whether this is tee} | think iris parr of her constan fight against anonymity, and also a wish, a secret itope, of hers. If ivis really truc, she is trying tw kill him. 1 think myself iis not crue; she only wishes ic: her prey tearsar the sadness of tare ar expression of hate. He sould absays be falling off the bed, and the crash and the screaming would resound through the house. Pd say. “Why don’t ‘you put chairs round itso that he can’t fall off? Or why don’t you pput ham on the floor?” she would just laugh a litle, ane! feo lunderstanel why she laughed los we were talking from io different standpoints. He used to fall downstairs too, all the way ta the bouton sometimes. The firs time she was very hysterical screaming even louder than tine baby, and my husband and 1 10k them both (o hospital. {chink she enjoyed the outing, that a feeling of being looked afierinot beng looked alter, but the fete of being looked afier; itis the sensation of ir that interests her ‘The second time he fell only halfivay dhs ime, (heard her say later with a laugh, “He's frightened ofthe stairs now. Good job! She used to slum John savagely into his high chais and shove a spooniitl of food into his mou. He would wen it round on his Tongue, wondering at its unlamiliarity, and push a little of it out as babies do. She would slap him. He woutd cry, and all the rest of the fod in his mourh would dribble our with his tears. She would scream at him and slap him again, shovelling food into his mouth, shouting, “Eat it up, you hee pig!” Then he would vomit everything up hysterically. She would slap him over aud over again, seize him, rush him into the other room, slat him into the ‘or, pull up dhe sides wich a furious clatter, shouting "You stay there! You'll get nothing now! and crash the door w, leaving him sobbing ané gasping lor breath. Then as likely as not she would come sobbing down to me~ “don't know whae Ido wrong! Pm 98sure [se done my best for him ? And { would advise and suggest and help, out of compassion for each of them. But I know she does nox want help, avice or snggestion, or anything, thar will presuppose action by her and would end with her standing on her ‘own leet. She just tails her failures in Iront of me, almost coqucttishly, and she does nor want me ro rake heen away. Wha she wants from me isa substitute fove :and Lam aware ait the time, all the time she is wearing me out, that I can never gise her the real thing or ever give her enough of the substitute, hat Ean never close up the empry gap other childhood sand because of tis, in her earful aceepaance of everything Fo for her there is always the possible Hash of the fick-knife, always the flicker of betrayal, Whatever vile thing she may say about me elsewhere will never surprise me Now slic has two babies. She didn’t rane the second one, “He doesm i get his other women pregnant, but he gets me pregnant allright,” she said, and in her anger there wasa certain sauistaction atbeing picked ous for thisubuse, The weeks alter hewas born, when she stayed at home (© look after the two of chem, were: among the mosc appalling in ing life, Day after day che walls oC the house would be quivering with hysteria; the air would be leaping with sercaras and the sound of blows. It was impossible forme 0 ‘work. [moved all round the house to get away from ie. For weeks worked in the cellar. Sometimes I would give up all thought of working, and go up w her. “You lie down and havea rest—or go ‘out for a walk and look atthe shops. [look afier John for a while.” would bring him down, He would shake and gasp with sobs, and would put him on the kitchen floor and give him interesting things o play with. He would wane o play with them ; I eauld see chey were drawing him ; but how could he play, could hear his mother moving about upstairs ~ the mother who filled him with terror and desolation but was 0 necessary to hima? [thought 1 liad rescued him but I had only connived at his exile. I rhought {was the fiend, but [was the judge and ihe jailer. He would half-craws}, halltoter co the door sobbing, give a backward lleeting glance ae the playthings he 4 would have liked to give himself ro bur dae not, and how), how for his howling mother He would nor have been upstairs again long when T would hear a clatter, a resounding slap, a sercam, a shout, several more loud slaps followed by screams from John and sereams from her, and ‘would come out into the hall to find John sobbing. and Mrs Hill, ‘weeping on second thoughts t60, on the landing. And ! would ‘suggest things, Bur [am not making the right response, All this thinkin ashen a few good siicks, plenty of chem, would be a lot quicker. (But would they She slaps, slaps, and 1 hear her shouting at him, “Don't you dare! Don’t you dare def me!’ because in spite ofthe continuous blows this baby sill has the spirit wo dely her and will only stop defving her when his spirit is broken and he is less than a whole human being and partly destroyed). This way of thinking, ‘ungs out. considcring alternatives, then choosing die one that seems best, is quiteafien to her. Her parents never introduced her to it, nor did her teachers — indeed they couldn't have done, since choice in tranquillity presupposes x basis of love. Why shoud she bbe expected to start now, in somebody else's house, with avo kids already though she’s nor yet ewenty-one, anel all the hire-purchase instalmens and people coming to take things away and banging ‘on the door ll the rime for money so she has co pretend she isn't int? Hasn’t she gor enough on her plate without thinking? ‘And besides, like some teachers in slum districts who have helped to concition her, she believes the world isa hard place for kids like her’s and the sooner they feel its hardness the betters she felt its let im feel it to0, the little devil; she will provide it. In any case, 1am simply giving her advice again, and advice is irrelevant to her emptiness when what she is doing is erailing actions for an exciting response, When John was trying to stand, reaching up to the colee table ‘or chair to pull himselfup, she would slap hira so that he fell. Leaving finger-marks 1 When he reached out in wonder to a lower ina vase, she would slap him. { chought she was alraid of bhim pulling off the pecats, ill | realized ner flowers were plastic. She will not lec bra do anything, will nat let hin grow. She would 95hic him when he wer his nappy, so he woutd pull his nappy off to wet, and she would hit him harder ;he docs’ know what she wants of him, ‘Most ofthe time he is serearning, Soon he began very accurately to reproduce her soar, but withour words, She roared at him, lic roared back at her. In time, she began to notice i100, and was amused, almost fartered. So then, when she wasn’t angrily roaring at him and having him roar back, she would be pretenaling, to roar at him in order to make hin roar back. When she was pretending she Laughed when ie roared back, When she wasn’t pretending, she hit him, an! he... and then she... roared some ‘ore, Sometimes in the middie ofa laugh ae him, she would change to roar, and then a slap would erack through the house Nothing way prediccable. There must be so many children brought Up like this. The only way they kaow what they are doing is approved of, isi the slap does not come; bur af course it may only be delayed: they never ca tell. ‘The noise, the chaotic hysterical unhappiness of it, was unbelievable. She decided to bring an end to this sation by puting her head in the gas oven. She timed st competently Pethaps she set everything ready and then leaned out of the window first co miake sure her husband was coming. U had suspected something was brewing because for a litle while the house had been quict:and this was so disturbing and strange that now it was the quiet hat stopped me from working Fewas not atalla cry for help, asignal sent up froma ship sinking ina boiling sea. Help, as I have said, is not what she wants. [¢wasa demand Jor an attention that does not involve any real relationship, rocity, any growth, Itwas a threat, and itworked, because her husband agreed she shoutd get a job again and park the wo babies somewhere dusing the day. I was relieved ‘when it worked. In fact, while the doctor was phoning for an ambulance at my desk L urged this on Mr Hill ‘She's still a child ! I said. ‘She should never have had 1wo babies "Hf was afraid she mithr take John in the gas oven with her the second tine, since her husband was fond of him while nor so fond of her. And 96 anyway I thoughe she might stop sercaming and throwing crockery at her husband ifshe'd been our all day :1 thoughe she ‘would be happier, and chat might help evervone So now John is with his rhird minder. He is nocyet vo, but apart fromm having had three minders, he as alieady been with Council losicr parents twice, when Mrs Hill abandoned che family completely before she hiton the better tactic ofthe gas oven. Now when he comes down here, fie no longer tries to get back tw her it feat of being abandoned, i he hears ler coeuig ater him, he frenziedly starts ap slam all the doors berween hisn and her, slamnning che last one hysterically in her face. This frantieness ishis present keynote. He could not concentrate on anything before because of anxiety, but a least that drew hi in one direction, back to hes. Now he cannot concentrate because of a wild chaos that isin him she has no direction, only a Irenzied wildness. He snatches at things and throws them down because he i snatching at something else, and he dare not stay to look at any of them because he seems always to have her ghost behind him driving him on, The tranquil absorption chat you seein other childven of neasly two that enables them to explore the world never shows in him. Sometimes you cannot ge: through to him. “John,” you say, ‘John.” Bur he cannot hear vou for the clanging, bells in his head. Ttake hold of him—he fights frantically to get away—and I say quietly but insistently, John, John. fon. aid evenruaily he hears me. But still he does nor understand me. ‘The ather day when she was hitting John on the stairs Fearne out to her and said, “Till you came here, no one in eis house ever hic babies, You scarcely see the no of them now exceptat weekends, and you can't even be kind to them then, T've done al ean to help, but if | can’t stop you hitting Jahn then you'll have co hithim ina different house. So now she has stopped hivting him ~I think she only screams at him. ‘Shurrup !1ILkill you ! My God, you wantat bloody good hiding! I never want to see you! I'l give you a bloody gond belting! Stop it! Eat ic Eat it, you litle pig! Shoup!” If he stops yelling, she goes on shouting ‘Shurrup! Shurrup "until he starts again a| don't know if this isan advance. Talay he came down here with his face covered in bruises his ne sticaming with blood. 1 asked her why Jolin’ nose was blcedirgand she suid le had fallen off tive bed, Lam nor saying she las beaten him up, but may be she helped him or provoked hum ormade it easy for him to fall ofl the bed, and maybe she lelta certainsatislaction when he did. I you saw these wo our coxedher, sean, tidy, prestily dressed, you wouldnt twin round rolvok at them, they wold be so conformist. I think all over London, maybe all over England, there are babies growing upin thei deprivation imo Children who think they are not loveeunless they are shouted atand heaven, and adults who think key are not chetished unless they are betrayed. They will by: things on hire purchase and never pay the instalments, because dimly they feel he ‘world owes them something, that therhave a right ro something that was never freely giver and all the bangings on the door and all the court summonsesite only hicir own shouting parents whorn they learned. uhen cher could, «0 hide aviay [rom at such crises, They will hue no) atral concetn For ofiers and will only behave well vken they are thveatened by powerful people. Tranquillity will Fighter sem by is lack of response, and in silence they will ely be ansare of theit Ineart beating louder and louder. So te will shout for the rest of their lie ane make clauering, clanging drama out of noting, even if it destcoys thet. (Or perhaps instead they will withdraw into a secret psychopathic shell where they fee! nothing and heat thing, and maybe geta subele cunning revenge from Irustatingtheir tormenters by insanity, the last weapon, Bur these willbe fewer, and they will be “Thar was fi as may nates went. fis bid to remember the second baby’s name now, because she ver called hin by it used to leave him in places. She would,o one with him and come back without him, and I'd say, fear seeredly catching me, ‘What have you done with him?" andshe'd laugh and siy, ve lett hiew at the hospital. He's gota cole go back For him ino to thige weeks.” How she brought i ollleats me 98 He would sit in his pram in the garden, unmoving. Once T went ‘out and stroked his bare arm with one finger, He looked at me for along time, and then gradually he lathomed that something vague was breaking through to him from his arm, and he looked down a it, trying 10 make some correlation berwecn my brger, his skin and the sensation ; but his face showed no interest; there was no delight; he had not even broken through into ch justa vague need, ... But when I stopped stroking and eame indoors, he cried. He (elt he had been deprived of this thing he had nit been able co grasp when he had i ie eas very pitiful. He cries very strangely, a high-pitched corie bodiless wailing chat is not ikea child at all Boral, this one She lele her with the chileren, sometimes without, In beaween, she let them ‘with numerous minders; chis enabled her to be shocked ae the minders" “not looking after them properly” so that she could feel good and loving, She hecame pregnane a third time, went wo a hoypital io ask fora National Health abortion, and when she was about four and a half months pregnane and they were still conning her observing’ hee, they catled it she went berserk and smashed the place up so they gave ler an abortion, then, She came home haar, a child with black holes for eyes. Soon after this we found her another flat, bigger, with « garden. We couldn’r stand itany longer. What was appalling me most was that my fingers were begitming to itch to. [100 was secretly begitining to want ro hic John and seream at him. For though he ‘was only by0, not yet in School, nor yer in the psychopathic ward, ‘hot yet in Borstal, hitting and sereaming had already mack him into 4 child whom soon everyone would hit and sercam a. That is really what his mother wanted, and she would gee her way, because, make no mistake, society would be behind her, and that too was what his mother wanted and needed, to have society approving her, sympathizing with her, paying attention, {Un Islington, I knew a boy called Tommy. Tommy's father used tw beat themall up, Tommy and his nine brothers and sisters and g this period, sometimes saan as oa 99his suicidal mother; when he was exhausted from beleing tera all nellived alone and morosely ithis wwn 10m, Tommy is nen in Borstal. He hit a teacher who had hit his young broeher, The magistrate caid ter Vornmy and I wrote it down — Tis pity that someone can't take 4 birch-1ud and give youa thorough good, huiding, That s the thing younced morethan anything else, and iPit had been done early encagis you wouldn't be here wdity How peuple keep their hanch off people Tike you, just don’t know.’ + didn't like the new flat, She was lonely and phoning aie and crying. bur John’s mod selated ; she ke} (One day, when she was about twenty t dead, She lad got pregnant again, gone to x hospital again lor an abortion; they played the same gameasbefore, and kept her in to save the baby"; ar Christmas, overwhelmed with sentimentality ureynically pretending so inorder to get peace and quiet, they let her go home for the holiday; whercupon she did or go done wharshe considered necessary and was brought back (o hospital inn ambulance, *kepi on ice lor five days’ her friend told me, and died. Her husband played cards and drank boer mersily at the funeral gathering. The debt collectors sill come our house looking lor him. They go to the Hlat too but they can never find hin, nor can the policeman whore young daughter be has got pregnant. Nor can we, to whom he owes a hun The last debt-collector to come to our house asked about ‘the deceased Mr Hill, Ir soem he now goes:as dead 00. Twas I heard she was fed pounds or so. sceptical and sardonic. So, 01 my encouragement, was the debt- collector, He told me black comedy stories about men who were dead when he called rouniel, and siting at the kitchen table having a beer when he nipped back en minutes later. But hedidn't have Lume to catch them all out, So officially John's father is dead, all brs wiped out. h mnie hath zone and ta’en his wag free now 10 startup litile third-rate rackets elsewhere bur she, couching, appalling, destructive and destroyed child- mother, is wulydead, And the children live on, koth officially alive, in institutions, suppose. Maybe not even in he sane one 6 Sieve is semi darkness of his flar, na black East-End sereet, His own lather Tknew had rreared him savagely when he was child, bur this was something he dide't cell mae anuch abonat.* nt generally s beer talker than this,” he said apologetically, "but 1 don’t talk about thae time of ny life very much, because I don't jother London parent, [list talked co him in the Tikeralking abou it. I get « Ieaap in may throat. Buthe told me about the education he got, atthe Instirusion that he aout his kid brother were seat ro when they were cleven and a halfand ven Mind you’, he said, I don’t want ro give you the ideit I vats att angel before I went to that place. My kid brother and Iclinibed a wall and gotintoa cake factory and atea couple af Swicsrells nt into court. We wete very young, but I do believe That's why we g ily futher had said hewould look alier usand wanted us, dey wouldn't have seat usaway. They talked in thar contri as il they were sending us away to somewhere wondertul. “You'll be well looked alter,” they said, “People will be kind 10 you. You'll gett good education1 was sitting on a couch while he talked to me, und Davy, a haby of fourteen months, was beside me, The baby had taken fiom the shelves opposite about usenty books, one by one, some ‘of them vere large, and brought them over to lic ina pile at the footof the couch, and, lying on iis stomach ~ he was naked ‘excep fora very sont cardigan — his body and legs thrashing wildly in the air co keep his balance, grunting and panting wath lfore he straineel over the side ofthe couh, and ane by one picked up each book ~ some of chem so heavy that they erashed down again, once, twice, thee times, before he managed to hug each up bya corner all the way: Thea he sar up cach uitne and ‘rigged round, and pushed them one by one behind the hari cushion of the couch, Tewas an enormous task he had set hisself, his baby. He did not have to do it. But he carvied it right through wo a satishying mn His legs waved in the ai so wildly as he strained down towards the floor. that I worsied a Fite that he might pitch on his head, so very gently I (ook hold of one fo. Fi not want wo da iif it wasn't necessary, Itwas perhaps a hindrance, maybe even an insult, to such a competent human being. So I held i very novel, ready to tighten ifneed be; probablv it wasn't necessary at al And iwhen the task as satistacorily finished, he was instantly eager and fiesh for the next. I atched him, and could noc think of any ether baby I knew who would he allowed to set hisnself such a task and carry it through, The baby upstairs woul be slapped resoundingly if he showed bya slance he had even thoughe of making a beginning. So most bubies, when dhey ate grovia and go to secondary school, will have written on their reports, “Ganot concentrate.” ‘No deters ‘Will not persevere.’ *Not interested in what he i doing.” Thar unflagging energy, that tremendous unswerving concentration, that purpose éescried and Fulfilled — why. an adult could change the whole worldwith these! But most of us have had irknocked out of usin babyone. And perhaps indeed authority knows what itis doing for autorits’s good. ‘The father enjoyed talking shout his baby: he was on the dole and spent lot of time with hi. In the hal darkness he handed his thoughts ro me casually, wil pleasure, and with complete individuality, aya child will pick you flowers, “He's nor frightened of the dark,” he said. “He'll walk through the dark to a voice he knows,as if iewas the light. He's never been leftin che dark to ery. A small car... sometimes you can't shake scoff all your lle "I you were to take something from him, he'd ery. But if you pur out your hand, he'll give tan thas fine We cook him to the padéling pool in the litle park down the road, a month ago. He had nithing on. 1 saw the keeper talking to some people, and then he came over 10 us and said, “Get some trunks on chat child!" said, “What did you say?” He talked a bie more politely then. “Well . asked you to get some trunks on bitn.” I said, “Why?” He said."Well... you know how i is people get embar said, “Well, let chem be embarrassed if that’s how theyare.” “Well look, chun you can show me anything in the pork regulations that says he must wear trunks...” "Well no, thee iyn’t anything." In the end he ‘went away. The people around looked daggers at me — women from round here!” ‘He laugheland shook his head. He wast angry with them.) “He likes to drag clothes about, throwing them around, He Tikes jumping up and down onnewspaper, fing tins ‘other, playing with gramophave records and pencils, No bought toy isany use co him. “People are fury about aby playing with things that laren’ toys anid breaking them. t's not thac the people ate cruel, ‘or even unkind. And iyou saideo them, “Look, chat eup you're making sucha fuss abour onlycost sixponce, against a grossing child," they'd know it was silly But it isn'e thar. F°s cheir possession, that’s what worriesthem sed, you kuows wide each, toA half wakes and sees the bars, he cries. We take him out. Even in his lice chair that we puc him in to have something Irom bow fier a couple of minutes he wants a be ont, and hewalksabont 21s like @ prison to him. Peen when he’s

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