04/01/12

Lately, I’ve been feeling sick and unwell in my pelvic area. I told Mom about it and she

reminded me about how Ovarian cancer runs in the family. I didn’t believe her since it skipped

her. She told me that I should go to the doctor anyway. Just to humor her, even though she

knows our religion doesn’t let us use medicine, I went.

Two months, two months? That’s all I have? My doctor claimed it’s a type of cancer. I

have cancer. What do I do now? "Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your

food and water. I will take away sickness from among you…" (Exodus 23:25). I read this over

and over the letting words of my beloved creator plague my heart, body, and soul. I know I can

get through this with the help and guidance of my all-powerful maker. I will put my faith in him,

his hands will lead me down the path of ultimate truth. Everything that has been perceived as bad

in my life was just testing my faith. This is no different, this is his plan, this was not a mistake,

this is a test, test of my will, love, and grace for my God.

04/02/12

I truly believe that my parents’ minds are diseased, diseased with the lies OUR

SOCIETY tells them. “Ember you need help”. “Ember let us take you to a doctor.” EMBER this,

EMBER that. I DON’T NEED HELP I have all the treatment I will ever need. I have the

spiritual power of Christ himself. They don’t understand my decision which means that they

don’t understand God's word. I mean how can they call themselves a diligent member of the

church, the first church of Christ to be exact. With that I can’t EVEN begin to comprehend how

they even entertained the idea of putting a mire man before our divine being. Yes, they are
looking out for me, I don’t know. Maybe I’m being too harsh but scripture says, “Do your best to

present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who

correctly handles the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15). Note: Don’t talk to my parents about

problems they just don’t understand!

06/04/12

Two months have passed since my cancer diagnosis. I do feel a bit uncomfortable down

there, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. The doctor said I would have only a month and a half to

live, and the symptoms would only get worse. The pain isn’t as sharp as my doctor said it would.

The pain feels more like menstrual cramps. I’m not even worried. I have God and Penelope on

my side. THAT’S ALL I NEED! I can beat ovarian cancer without some fancy-schmancy

medicine that won’t even work.

06/13/12

Today is going to be so much fun! Pel and I are going to the mall. She said that I needed

to do normal girl things for once. I realized I have been worrying too much about my parents

lately that I don’t have time for myself. I’m so glad I have such a good friend like Pel. We’ve

been through so much and nothing is going to get in the way of our friendship!

06/14/12

I don’t know what to do, Pel called my parents which was the worst thing she could have

done. They both came over to me anxiously talking about how I needed to go to the hospital and
that if I don’t, “I’m going to die.” I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe that this is God's

plan and that everything was going to be OK. So I prayed, I used one of my favorites prayers,

“Lord, help me to hear you saying, "I am your hopes" over all the other voices. Lord, your word

says, you are the hope for hopeless so I'm running to you with both hands stretched out and

grabbing on to you. Fill me up with hope and give me a tangible reminder today that hope is an

unbreakable spiritual lifeline (Hebrews 6:19-20)”. I said this over and over until, Miss. Doris

came over to talk with me about staying longer, so I did.

08/04/12

I’m not feeling well, any activity I do, no matter how small, exhausts me. Doris prays

with and for me daily, but according to Doris, this is God's plan for me. How could this be God’s

plan for me? I have always repented for my sins, tried to forgive others for wrongdoings. Why is

His plan not benefiting me?

08/26/12

I don’t think I’m getting better. “Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I

will be saved, for you are the one I praise. (Jeremiah 17;14).” I’ve been repeating this prayer to

you, Father. I understand that you have a plan, but I don’t think I have much time left. I hurt all

over. The pain is constant. Every day when I wake up, my whole body hurts. Is this still a part of

your plan?
 Dad checks on me every half hour. He looks so sad when he visits my room. My Mom

watches over me at night. They pray with me every day, but I’ve noticed that they lost their faith

in God. I think they also lost their faith in me.

08/28/12

Was I not loyal to you throughout my journey? Am I being punished for my sins? Why

do I have to feel so much pain? What more do I need to do? Please send me a sign!

Holy Father, I’m sorry for my sins, I know I shouldn’t give into modern medicine, but the

pain is unbearable. I will be going to the hospital with my parents tomorrow to get surgery and

chemo. When I told Mom and Dad about my decision, they smiled. Lord, that was the first time

in months I saw them genuinely smile at me.