Communication in Conflict

Theory and Principles of Conflict Resolution Communication in Conflict
Topic: Communication in Conflict
Topic Preview
 Introduction
 Culture, Conflict and Communication
 Non-verbal communication
 Non-verbal elements of speech
 Communication process and Effective Communication
Topic Content
Introduction
Communication is central to conflict and its resolution. Both conflict
and conflict resolution almost inevitably involve the use of
communication: verbal and non-verbal, direct and indirect,
symbolic and concrete, interactive and one way. Most conflicts
have their origin in communication or lack of effective
communication. The absence of clear and effective communication
can escalate a conflict. Conflict resolution is a communication
process, and its success is determined by the understanding of
communication, language and interpersonal behaviour.
Culture, Conflict and Communication

There is a strong relationship among communication (language),
culture and conflict. Every society has unwritten rules about the
act of communication during conflict. The way a disputant uses his
voice and body can escalate and de-escalate a conflict situation.
Some culture naturally speaks fast; some speak slowly and quietly
and while some raise their voices. Raising of voices in this culture
does not necessarily connote anger and anybody from the culture
will feel offended if he is told that he is shouting and while the
© Robert Gordon University 2016
1
person from other culture can feel threatened. It is useful to

consider and understand the use of language and manner of
communication in the culture of parties involved.
Communication
Communication could be carried out verbally and non-verbally.
Verbal communication includes the use of various words to express
how we feel about a situation. Interpersonal communication and
mass communication are types of verbal communication. Verbal
elements include language, idioms, and registers. All these
elements are deployed by a speaker during conflict resolution
process to convey their feelings and emotions.
Non-verbal communication
In addition to verbal elements, communication also has non-verbal
elements. Either in mediation or negotiation, non-verbal elements
must not be taken for granted or be interpreted based on opinion
as stated in the various literature. For example folding of arms may
suggest defensiveness in some instances, it may also mean that
the person is cold. Verbal communication varies from one individual
to another, from one group to another and from one culture to
another.
Body contact – is something that about which all societies have

rules regarding not only whether or not body contact is
permissible, but also under which circumstances and in which
forms it is or not acceptable. Body contact can provoke both
conflict and its resolution. A
truce can be rejected by pushing the other party away while
shaking hands or embracing each other as a sign of reconciliation.
2
Physical Proximity or proxemics – refers to what is sometimes

called ‘body space’ or ‘personal territory’ meaning how close to one
another people are prepared to be, or limits of comfort in being
close. All societies have rules about physical proximity: how close,
when and with whom. People moving into or out of physical
proximity convey important messages, and can both provoke
conflict and promote resolution.
Orientation is the way in which people are placed in relation to

others – for example sitting or standing, beside or opposite above
or below. There are many theories about the effect of juxtaposition
in conflict resolution; for example, the effect of placing participants
opposite one another, or beside one another, or of having one
participant behind a desk and other in front of it. Orientation
includes the act of facing towards or turning away from the other
party. All societies have rules about appropriate and inappropriate
orientation, and this often relates to status and position.
Body postures and gestures (kinesic behaviours) play

important roles in communication in all societies- and not only in
those that are popularly presented as ‘speaking with their hands’.
Body posture conveys messages about one’s emotional state,
including anger, depression or tension. There are social rules about
appropriate and inappropriate body posture, and different postures
indicate different conditions in different societies. Body posture is
often an important indicator of whether the person is tense or
relaxed; there is some evidence that the posture can have an
effect on tension as well as reflecting it.
Head movements can be particularly important indicators in

listening. Nodding can suggest attention; nodding and shaking can
convey understanding or sympathy. Similar head movements
3
differently carried out can convey very different feelings: turning

slowly to one side and looking away for a while may suggest
thoughtfulness; abruptly turning away may indicate anger and
rejection.
Facial expression, including looks of displeasure, boredom, and

lack of understanding, add to the verbal meaning. Facial expression
is very important in monitoring communication since it is often an
unconscious mirror of communication effectiveness: a person may
be showing confusion, boredom, lack of interest, or increasing
tension. A change of facial expression can ask a question without
words or can indicate a statement was not understood. Eyebrow
movements can indicate understanding or lack of it.
In contemporary western culture, looking at a person while

communicating is regarded as positive; looking away, gazing out of
a window, and checking the time suggest a lack of interest,
attention, respect, and honesty. It is important, however, to
appreciate that not all cultures regard looking someone directly in
the eyes as being polite. In some cultures, looking down is
interpreted as respectful, loyal, honest and sincere; in many
modern Western cultures; it would probably suggest shyness,
shiftiness, guilt, wilfulness, and other negative attributes. Staring
directly and continuously into the eyes of the other person,
however, is likely to make people uneasy.
All the non-verbal aspect of communication need to be considered

together in the flow of communication; trying to interpret any
individual action (for example, gesture)in isolation from other non-
verbal elements, from verbal communication, or from the context is
unlikely to be helpful or accurate. Non-verbal messages, no less
4
than verbal messages, require clarification before they are taken as

the basis for serious action.
Non-verbal elements of speech

Speech also includes what can be described as non-verbal
elements (paralanguage): those aspects that add to the meaning of
the words. They can give non-verbal indications of meaning, mood,
tension, emotion, and interest. Volume can convey important
messages, regardless of content. Speech can move from the barely
audible whisper to the threatening shout, and different volumes
can reflect the mood. A low volume may indicate nervousness,
despair, depression, lack of interests, or hostility (if it seems that
the intention is to make the other party unable to hear). High
volumes may indicate anger, frustration, or loss of control.
However, account must be taken out of usual individual speech
patterns.
Inflexions – that is the way in which the tone rises or falls –

usually differentiates a question from a statement: a question rises
at the end; a statement falls. However, added meaning can be
given to a sentence by changing the usual inflexion. For example,
uncertainty or tentativeness is suggested by something that
appears to be a statement, but that has rising inflexion. ‘I could
reconsider your assessment’ can be a statement or a question
depending on inflexion. Definitive statements with clear failing
inflexion do not promote negotiation or discussion. ‘It is not my
intention to reconsider your assessment’ with a falling inflexion
suggest tentativeness, an openness to an ongoing negotiation. The
word ‘but’ is implied, and the message understood as: ‘it is not my
intention to reconsider your assessment, but it might be possible if
you could…’ Inflexion is very important in conflict resolution and
5
negotiation because of its power to imply either finally or

tentativeness.
Tone is an aspect of speech that often conveys significant

messages, but that is difficult to define. Statements such as ‘I don’t
like your tone’ or ‘It wasn’t what he said but the way he said but
the way he said it’ reflect the importance of tone. It often denotes
emotion and involvement. ‘I don’t care’ can be said in such a way
as to suggest that it is completely and depressingly true – or that it
is the opposite of the truth.
Speech can be slow or fast. Increasing pace suggests rising
emotional activity and involvement, or impatient. Decreasing pace
suggests despair, depression, indifference, or seriousness and
thoughtfulness.
Pauses are mini silences; they can add to and change the
meaning. For example: ‘It is not my intention to reconsider your
assessment, but [pause]…’ Pauses may suggest thought and
reflections: ‘I see [pause]. Perhaps we ought to…’. Unusual pausing
often suggests tension or nervousness as the individual strives to
maintain control in a highly emotional situation. Pauses are very
useful in implying tentativeness, or openness to suggestion or offer
(particularly at the end of unfinished statements).
Silence often conveys more meaning than words. Long silences

can create extraordinary tension. Who breaks a silence and how it
is done can be very important. Silence can be an intimidating
tactic, particularly when it follows a provocative statement: ‘Tell
me why you wrote such an illiterate and hopeless report…
[silence]’. Silence is often interpreted as an inability to respond
adequately: ‘Well, if you can’t give me an explanation…[silence]’. It
6
can indicate a sense of hopelessness, powerlessness, and despair,

or a refusal to participate and a high degree of hostility.
Communication process
Elements of communication are a sender, a receiver, a message, a
process by which the message is sent, a context and an
environment within which the message is sent. The
communication process is initiated be the sender who sends a
message to the receiver. The message may be something entirely
new or a continuation of an already established relationship or
process between the parties. The message from the sender may
not be what is intended. Certain conditions might have influenced
or overwhelmed the sender that affects the content of the message
he has sent. For example, if a legal secretary has been instructed
by his principal to send a message to a client but does not feel
comfortable sending it the message may not be clear or distorted
because it is borne out of obligation or compulsion. Similarly, if the
sender is fearful of the consequences of the message; it may be
vague or unclear. Again, the message can be distorted by the
process through which it is sent, or by the content with which it is
sent.
The context includes past relationship of friendliness or hostility

between the sender and the receiver. The context also includes the
physical environment, the presence of other people, interruptions
and physical discomfort. Pressure and constraints may also apply
to either party. What normally happens in this instance is that the
message is received, but it was not what was intended. Tillet and
French said:
The receiver’s assumptions, perceptions, expectations and
projections may distort the message. This is often referred
to as ‘interpretation’ and may be unconscious rather than
7
conscious. The receiver may not want to hear what is being

said, or may want to hear a specific message that is not
being said, so interpretation can change the message sent to
a different message received.
Communication is effective where “what is meant is said and that

what is said is meant. It also means that what is that what is said
is heard, and that what is meant is understood.” In other words,
the cycle of communication must not be broken for it to be
effective and nothing must dilute or interfere with the message.
Various internal and external factors affect the message being
transmitted. Some examples of internal factors include fear of
conflict or eagerness to engage in conflict external factor, on the
other hand, can be noise, interruptions and presence of third
parties.
Effective communication is a conscious act and does not happen by

accident. Parties must be actively involved and be attentive. This
could be done by actions and responses through the relationship
with each other and control they exert over external factors that
may want to dilute the content of the message. The fact that
parties make mistakes while communicating does not make the
communication ineffective. A speaker must learn the right
mechanism for communication. Besides employing good practices,
a speaker must focus and be present. For example, a teacher may
be explaining points to his students, but absent minded about his
environment. A student might switch off his mind immediately his
lecturer mounts the podium, even if he is looking at the lecturer
following him with his eyes, the student mind may be preoccupied
with other thoughts.
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Communication barrier can occur in two ways namely barriers to

message and barriers to meaning. Barriers to the message are
external to the participants include interruptions, noise,
distractions, and other factors internal to the participants, and non-
verbal communication. Barriers to meaning are styles of
communication that are likely to prevent the listener from
understanding what is meant. They include criticising, name
calling, ordering, threatening, moralising, avoiding and diverting.
Goals of communication
For it to be effective, the act of communication should involve
motivation to communicate, effective disclosure, clear, precise
messages, assertiveness clarity of thought and language, empathy,
effective listening, and an appropriate environment. Effective
communication begins when not when words are first used, but in
the thought processes that precede speaking or writing.
Preliminary analysis and reflection are essential, especially when
preparing to communicate on complex, sensitive, difficult, or
potentially contentious subjects. Identifying the goal of the
communication is an essential, prerequisite, and should be followed
by identification of the key messages. Unrealistic goals – for
example, to change the behaviour of the other person – should be
avoided. The focus should be on practical, attainable goals; for
example, an explanation of one person’s feelings about other’s
behaviour.
Single complex messages should be avoided. Where it is necessary

to communicate a complex and difficult message, it can usually be
divided (or ‘fractioned’) into a number of simpler, less complex
segments to be given in sequence. Each ‘sub message’ is likely to
be easier to communicate, and is more likely to be understood. It
can be useful when planning to communicate a complex or difficult
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message to write it out, and to consider appropriate language. The

meaning should be carefully considered, and what is going to be
said should be planned. Any difference between what is meant and
what is going to be said should be identified and corrected. For
example, if the meaning is ‘Unless you improve your work within a
week, you will be dismissed’, saying ‘Your work could do with a bit
of improvement’ is inappropriate and will be ineffective.
Reflecting on how the receiver of the message may feel – that is,
being emphatic – will help in deciding how to make the
communication more effective, and in considering possible
difficulties in advance.
Attitude for effective communication

 Caring about what others are saying is the heart of good
communication. If we genuinely care about what others have
to say, our desire to understand will get communicated. If we
do not genuinely care, that too will be communicated.
 There is always new information to learn from a
communication. When we listen with one ear while
composing a response to what we think others are about to
say, genuine communication has not occurred, even if our
conjectures is correct.
 Good communication requires focused energy. When we
focus our attention, energy, and best-listening efforts on an
exchange, others generally feel respected, even in the midst
of conflict. Communicating clearly in an intense interaction is
tiring for a very good reason-it takes a lot of work.
 Effective communication always goes two ways and requires
a joint effort between the speaker and listener. Effective
communication is interactive and iterative. People have to
work together to make complex interchange successful,
10
particularly in successful, particularly in stressful

circumstances. Directly or indirectly, people have to verify
whether they have really understood each other. However,
even more important, we have to teach each other (mostly
consciously) how to best communicate either as speakers or
listeners and how to adjust our communication process as we
go.
 Communicating is different from persuading, evaluating, and
problem-solving. When we are focused on communicating,
we are trying to understand what others are saying, and we
are helping others understand what we are trying to convey.
When the focus is on convincing others of being “right” or
evaluating the merits of what has been said by others
effective communication is less likely.
 Tolerance of people’s difficulty in communicating (including
our own) is essential). These principles are all ideals and
goals to be achieved. However, we do not become better
communicators by setting up a new orthodoxy about human
interaction and the judging each other in accordance with it.
No one can always be focused and completely attentive.
Everyone mixes up communicating, persuading, and
problem-solving at times. It is important to be respectful of
others who are trying to communicate effectively and to
avoid becoming so conscious about rights and wrongs of
good communication that we cannot interact in a natural and
unselfconscious way.
 The best communication occurs when we are genuine and
natural. Communicating is about interacting as human
beings. This means being real, being authentic, speaking
from the heart, and connecting with others on the basis of
who we really are, with all of our good intentions and flaws
wrapped up in an often confusing package.
11
Communication Loop1
Communication is teamwork. Good communication is always
interactive and requires those involved to form what is, in essence,
a partnership in communication. We have to help each other to
communicate especially when we are in conflict. Parties in
communicating in a conflict would not connect just because of
listening but by learning to communicate with each other. Each
disputant must learn how to decode messages he was receiving,
how to deliver his own ideas so that they would be understood, and
how to develop a suitable atmosphere for communication. Beyond
that, they all need to find a way to cue each other when they were
grasping what was being said and what they felt they were being
heard.
1
http://communicationtheory.org/communication-loop-the-process-of-communication/
12
For a communication process to be effective, the listeners must

help speakers deliver their messages by being receptive and
speakers must help listeners to feel heard. That is, we listen as we
13
deliver a message and deliver as feedback as we listen.

Communication loop is a necessary part of effective interchanges.
People’s ability to connect with each other, particularly in the
course of an intense and significant interaction, is dependent on
their ability to tune into the often subtle messages that reveal how
a communication is being received.
We engage in metacommunication (communication about

communication) in many ways, and we mostly do so unconsciously.
We change our body language or tone of voice in ways that
indicate whether we comprehend a communication or feel
understood. We display our level of engagement, frustration,
appreciation, or confusion in various subtle and not so subtle ways.
Sometimes we will tell others directly that we are not feeling heard
or understood. Sometimes we will say that we understand
something or that we are confused. However, more often
metacommunication is less direct, overt, or intentional. Speakers
have to learn to “read” their audiences.
Deborah Tannen, in several of her bestselling books about

communication (for example, Tannen 1986, 1990), discusses the
central role of what she calls metamessages in communication:
information conveyed by the meanings of words is the message.
What is communicated about relationships- attitudes towards each
other, the occasion, and what we are saying – is the metamessage.
And it’s messages that we react to most strongly…whereas words
convey information, how we speak those words – how loud, how
fast with that intonation and emphasis – communicates what we
think we ‘re doing when we speak: teasing, flirting, explaining or
chastising…. In other words, how we say what we say
communicates social meanings” (Tannen, 1986, pp. 29-30.
14
No one is always effective at delivering or decoding meta-

communication. Frequently, one party to an interchange feels that
she or he has successfully connected with another, but this sense is
not reciprocated. One complicated aspect of cross-cultural
communication is the variation in how individuals from different
backgrounds engage in the communication loop. Some groups
need very active and clear messages of connection during a
communication, with head nodding, verbal accents, and intense
eye contact. Others prefer much lower-key and subtle feedback.
Also, a form of metacommunication that indicates one thing in one
culture could well mean something quite different in another. When
cultures with different engagement patterns interact, interact,
interesting disconnects can happen.
The failure to develop a successful communication loop is one of

the main sources of communication breakdown, and building this
loop is one of the primary ways in which conflict intervention can
make a difference. When trust is low, and animosity is high, it is
often important for third parties to focus first on establishing
effective communication with each disputant before focusing on
how disputants communicate with each other. When effective
communication loop have been developed between the
intermediaries and each of the parties, these can then become the
basis for establishing a workable system of communication among
the disputants.
Successful communication is iterative. When we are in conflict, we

need to try and try again to establish and enhance the
communication loop. Unless we have the opportunity to do, we
cannot correct or refine our communication, we cannot work with
other disputants to clarify what we are saying or learn how to
interact, and we cannot achieve the richness of communication
15
necessary to engage in a constructive interaction. We need to try

keep communication flexible and open. If we state an absolute
position or belief firmly and publicly, then it becomes harder for us
to modify it in accordance with others’ reactions to it.
One of the problems with interacting primarily through formal

written communication is that the medium of interchange
introduces a major source of inflexibility into an interaction. Written
communication tends to be more explicit than oral communication
and certainly more committing because it so readily becomes part
of a formal record. Emails are such a fertile source for conflictual
communication in part because although they can easily seem
informal and impermanent, emails are in fact written forms of
communication that can be treated as formal documents,
maintained forever, and speared to multitudes instantaneously.
Framing and Reframing

Framing and reframing are in part communication skills, but they
are also skills required in collaboration, negotiation, mediation and
facilitation.
Framing refers to the way in which a message is framed or

packaged. What words are used? What style is taken? In what
context is the message delivered? The same message can be
delivered in many different ways. Poor communication is concerned
primarily with what the sender of the message intends. Effective
framing will consider the person the person to whom the message
is being communicated: how are they likely to hear the message?
How can the message be framed so that they will hear and
understand it more effectively?
16
Sometimes high emotions (especially anger) lead to a message

being framed so that the listener hears anger (or abuse, or threat,
or intimidation) but not the essential message. They hear how the
message is being said, not what is being said.
Reframing is very much like framing – except it involves taking a

statement made by someone else, trying to identify that essential
message in a way that makes it more likely to be heard by the
other person. Reframing is also a psychological technique used by
a third party to assist a party to dispute to consider a different way
of thinking about a dispute. A party may tend to perceive the
dispute to be as he or she describes (or frames) it; hearing a
different description of the dispute may assist in the development
of a different perception of the dispute. In some cases, reframing is
used in two-party dialogue as a means of defusing a hostile
situation and assisting in developing a dispute resolving (as
opposed to fighting or arguing) approach.
Reframing is a critical skill for mediators. But reframing – like

translating or interpreting – must be done honestly and accurately;
it must not be used to distort or soften the underlying message as
a (fraudulent) means of increasing the potential for resolution.
17
Topic Activities
1. Identify three elements of non-verbal communication in

your culture and explain their importance in conflict
resolution.
2. What is the role of communication in conflict, conflict creation
and conflict resolution?
3. What are the key components of the communication process?
4. What are the characteristics of effective communication?
5. What are the major components of non-verbal
communication?
6. What is the role of active listening in communication?
7. What are the major barriers to communication?
Reference
Mayer, B.; The Dynamics of Conflict: A Guide to Engagement and

Intervention Jossey-Bass April 2012
Bibliography
Borisooff, D. & Victor, D. (1998) Conflict Management: A

Communication Skills Approach, Allyn and Bacon, Boston
Tillett, G. and French B., Resolving Conflict: A Practical Approach

4th ed Oxford University Press 2009
Krauss, R.M.’ AND Fussell, S.R. “Social Psychological Models of

Interpersonal Communication. “ In E.T. Higgins and A.W.
18
Kruglanski (eds), Social Psychology: A Handbook of Basic

Principles. New York: Guildford, Press 1996.
19

Communication in Conflict

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Theory and Principles of Conflict Resolution Communication in Conflict

Topic: Communication in Conflict

Culture, Conflict and Communication

© Robert Gordon University 2016

person from other culture can feel threatened. It is useful to

Body contact – is something that about which all societies have

© Robert Gordon University 2016

Physical Proximity or proxemics – refers to what is sometimes

Orientation is the way in which people are placed in relation to

Body postures and gestures (kinesic behaviours) play

Head movements can be particularly important indicators in

© Robert Gordon University 2016

differently carried out can convey very different feelings: turning

Facial expression, including looks of displeasure, boredom, and

In contemporary western culture, looking at a person while

All the non-verbal aspect of communication need to be considered

© Robert Gordon University 2016

than verbal messages, require clarification before they are taken as

Non-verbal elements of speech

Inflexions – that is the way in which the tone rises or falls –

© Robert Gordon University 2016

negotiation because of its power to imply either finally or

Tone is an aspect of speech that often conveys significant

Silence often conveys more meaning than words. Long silences

© Robert Gordon University 2016

can indicate a sense of hopelessness, powerlessness, and despair,

The context includes past relationship of friendliness or hostility

© Robert Gordon University 2016

conscious. The receiver may not want to hear what is being

Communication is effective where “what is meant is said and that

Effective communication is a conscious act and does not happen by

© Robert Gordon University 2016

Communication barrier can occur in two ways namely barriers to

Single complex messages should be avoided. Where it is necessary

© Robert Gordon University 2016

message to write it out, and to consider appropriate language. The

Attitude for effective communication

© Robert Gordon University 2016

particularly in successful, particularly in stressful

© Robert Gordon University 2016

© Robert Gordon University 2016

For a communication process to be effective, the listeners must

© Robert Gordon University 2016

deliver a message and deliver as feedback as we listen.

We engage in metacommunication (communication about

Deborah Tannen, in several of her bestselling books about

© Robert Gordon University 2016

No one is always effective at delivering or decoding meta-

The failure to develop a successful communication loop is one of

Successful communication is iterative. When we are in conflict, we

© Robert Gordon University 2016

necessary to engage in a constructive interaction. We need to try

One of the problems with interacting primarily through formal

Framing and Reframing

Framing refers to the way in which a message is framed or

© Robert Gordon University 2016

Sometimes high emotions (especially anger) lead to a message

Reframing is very much like framing – except it involves taking a

Reframing is a critical skill for mediators. But reframing – like

© Robert Gordon University 2016

1. Identify three elements of non-verbal communication in

Mayer, B.; The Dynamics of Conflict: A Guide to Engagement and

Borisooff, D. & Victor, D. (1998) Conflict Management: A

Tillett, G. and French B., Resolving Conflict: A Practical Approach