Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change

WP question I received made to what I impacts my paper:

submission:(Note (from initially wrote:
which WP) whom/where?)

WP1: In “Genres in Rachel: Corrected it In “Genres in the My in-text citation is

the Wild,” genre is to (Bickmore) Wild,” genre is now more accurate
interpreted as a interpreted as a for my works cited
“situation...where” “situation...where” page.
the forms of writing the forms of writing
“typically recur” “typically recur”
(“GENRE in the…”). (Bickmore).

WP1: Companies Rachel: Unclear what Companies utilize I changed the

utilize advertisements you mean by “ads special words or wording of
to highlight specific within products” phrases to highlight advertisements to
technologies within specific technologies make it clearer and I
their product in order within their product. also turned it into two
to sell a product that They use this method separate sentences to
may not even be of eye-catching help with flow,
effective. phrases in order to
sell a product that
may not even be
effective.

WP1: Although the Rachel: How so? Although the claims I explained about the
claims may seem too may seem too good to broth further to
good to be true, there be true, there is an air analyze why the
is an air of exclusivity of exclusivity in the brand has an
in the brand itself as it brand itself as it is exclusive air to it.
is something new for something new for
someone to someone to
experience. experience. No other
brand would have this
special broth, making
it appear as though
you need to try this
product since no other
brand has it.

WP1: Consumers I wanted to elaborate In talking more about

then overlook the more on the Consumers then the packaging, I am
ingredients that could packaging of the overlook the able to analyze how
be potentially product. ingredients that could the
irritating to their skin, be potentially audience/consumers
adding to the effect irritating to their skin, feel about the
that the Miracle Broth adding to the effect products.
could be just a that the Miracle Broth
marketing ploy. could be just a
marketing ploy. Also,
the crisp, clean
packaging with a
white background
exhibits the elegance
of the product. This
appeals to the
consumers’ visual
sense and makes them
believe that they have
a luxury for their
skin.

WP1: In one of their I repeated the same I deleted the sentence. My paragraph is no
cleansers, “salicylic thing in the following longer redundant in
acid,” which helps sentences. what I say about the
with acne and oil cleansers.
control, is included in
the drug facts as the
main ingredient
(“Oil-Free…”).

WP1: Both have Peer: She thought that Both the brands I moved it to the end
compelling factors on the placement of this Neutrogena and La of the paragraph and
why someone should sentence in the Mer have compelling also combined it with
purchase the product paragraph was a little factors on why the previous sentence
for their skin, but one weird. someone should to help conclude the
seems more credible purchase the product paragraph smoothly
than the other. for their skin, but all
of this adds to
Neutrogena’s
credibility in buying a
skincare product that
can be effective for
someone.

WP1: This is where I thought that the This is where The sentence is more
credibility can sentence could have credibility can concise for easier
occasionally be lost more concise occasionally be lost reading, as the excess
due to the fact that the wording. because the product wording was
product could could potentially be unnecessary.
potentially be good good when people
when people knock it knock it for one
for one ingredient. ingredient.

WP1: This is where I wanted to elaborate This is where The added analysis
credibility can more on the evidence credibility can supports my claim
occasionally be lost that I presented. occasionally be lost based on the evidence
due to the fact that the due to the fact that the that I mentioned.
product could product could
potentially be good potentially be good
when people knock it when people knock it
for one ingredient. for one ingredient.
The ingredient may
be relatively bad with
some research, but if
it is combined with
more ingredients to
create a better
product, it has the
potential to be good
for someone’s skin.

WP1: This brings up I wanted to elaborate This brings up the The analysis further
the credibility of her more on my analysis credibility of her explains what my
review and eases the for the evidence. review and eases the evidence evidence
follower into what the follower into what the does for people on
product is all about. product is all about. It social media to
also attracts the male support my claim.
demographic of
consumers, signaling
that men need a
skincare routine as
well.

WP1: Ultimately, Rachel: Not a strong Consumers should I changed the

with all products and ending carefully examine all sentence to sound
all skin types, trial products and reviews much stronger and
and error is the best to find the most bring a call to action
thing. credible sources of for my audience.
information in order
to find the perfect
product for
themselves.