Mark Castillo

Dr. Tarnoff

CTW 1 / Engl 1A

September 25, 2019

Growing up in East Los Angeles, it felt as if anywhere I went there were always people

who were just like my mom or my dad. I didn’t feel unsafe in anyway because most of the

people where from Mexico, and particularly around my house were people that my dad had

known since he was a kid in Puebla. I was always around people who were sort of like... me.

However, just because they were similar to me, that does not say that I sometimes don't feel like

I had some trouble figuring out my true identity. As I mentioned before, many of the people in

the area had migrated there from Mexico, so they had the blessing of being able to speak the

beautiful language of Spanish very fluently.

In my local elementary school, they had classes for kids who spoke spanish only, but my

mom had taught me English when i was growing up so I was stuck in the englsih classes. As you

would expect , I became fluent at englsih but spoke a broken form of spanish, and with that being

said it became an even bigger issue as I grew up. Not only did I feel awkward when someone

spoke spanish but I also felt ashamed. “I mean I call myself Mexican but...am I?” This question

would be in my mind whenever I would talk to my Dad, grandma, as well as friends from

Mexico who were predominantly spanish speakers. I wouldn't be able to talk to a lot of the

people around me because of that language barrier and sometimes when I wouldnt know the term

to use for something, I would get made fun of because of it. My friends would laugh at me
because I didn’t know how to say “espalda,” instead I would say “atras”(back) but it wasn’t the

proper way to your back.

It wasn't until my freshman year of high school where I was finally offered the chance to

take a spanish class. Even though it was required I still took the class with an open mind because

I knew some of the basics of the language but I figured that the class would allow me to further

my knowledge on the language as well as help me become closer to my culture and where it

came from. This class may have been a small thing but it really did help me improve my

articulation of the terminology, such as what was the proper way to say something or what was

unofficial and official english, as well as help me learn more words that I never knew up to that

point. It may be small but it really did improve my interaction with others, especially with my

family members because we definitely are able to hold longer conversations. But just as I

improved my language, I also improved my self esteem and really was able to finally discover

more about myself and finally find where I fit in and it was somewhat strange. In my classes, we

would do readings where it would talk about the chicano culture. I remember one time, I had a

project about my family and where they came from. That day I went home to ask my dad

questions that came with the assignment. Up to this point, me and my dads conversations were

really stale due to my lack of vocabulary in spanish. I would try my best and he would try to

understand my english even though he struggle with some words. But this time it was different. I

was able to have a conversation with my dad in full spanish without having to explain things in

english or call my mom for translation. It was a heartwarming time, me and my dad spend the

whole night talking about this. That was just one of the assignments where I learned about my
heritage and my culture. The class itself wasn't an ethics studies class but it did have various

components of this, and when we would read I felt like I was reading about myself.

Just last week when I was assigned to read Gloria Anzaldua’s “How to tame a wild

tongue” it felt as if I was reading up on my life. It definitely was refreshing to see others who had

the same struggle as me growing up who were put into these positions of confusion and identity

crisis. Anzaldua recalls her own experience as well as try to relate with the experiences others

have had as a result of being apart of the chicanx community. She describes the discrimination

and rejection she has felt from both sides of her ethical backgrounds, anglo and spanish culture.

Not only that but it also went on to demonstrate the cultural identity crises that a majority of

chicanos have been through. With this in mind, I feel that Anzaldua’s passage really tries to

promote is the idea that Chicanos have created their own identities and that they don’t have a

proper group.

Anzaldua tries to really solidify the struggle and hardships of being half and half, as well

as both of her ethical backgrounds trying to correct her language. She goes more into depth on

page 32 saying, “Nosotros los Chicanos straddle the borderlands. On one side of us, we are

constantly exposed to the Spanish of the Mexicans, on the other side we hear the Anglos’

incessant clamoring so that we forget our language.” (Anzaldua 32) In other words, Anzaldua

tries to show us that chicanos are really in the middle of our two identities. Continuing on from

that, she explains what both sides, her latina and her anglo side, want out of her which puts her in

a difficult situation because they both do things that the other side doesn't want them to do. It sort

of shows the pushiness of the anglos to try to strip them of the other side of her identity.

However, she also goes on to explain that the anglos aren’t the only ones trying to rob them of a
part of their identities, but also the mexicans. She later goes on to explain that the latinos usually

don’t claim her as a latino because the spanish that she spoke wasn’t the same as the spanish that

they have grown to know and learn. This is where the significance of the word borderlands plays

a huge role because Anzaldua, as well as many like her, jump back and forth of their identities so

it's kind of like they are walking the borders that separate her to cultures.

Through Anzalduas text, I have figured out that it’s not just me going through these

issues and facing an identity crisis. And it’s not just limited to latinx people but as well as others

who have mixed backgrounds or those who don’t have a sense of belonging. This is a common

experience many go through and it really opened my eyes to see that there are more people like

me, even though we may not be from the same ethical background or same age but we are all

connected through our journey of self discovery. We all deal with this type of struggle in some

sort of way whether its exclusion because of interest, ethics, or personality. Anzaldua’s text

really spoke to me because it was honestly like reading a biography of my struggles growing up

without a proper culture. It was liberating to know that others out there are having the same type

of issues like me and share a similar upbringing in life. At the end of the day, I wouldn't change

anything from my upbringing because if it wasn't for that, maybe I wouldn't have taken that

spanish class in high school that made me into a fluent spanish speaker and allowed me to finally

have conversation with my dad and other family members. The spanish class that taught me

more about my culture and rather than hide it, it taught me to embrace every little thing of it. I

was raised in East LA, only knowing a handful of spanish words and struggled to compose a

simple sentence. Nevertheless, that didn't stop me from learning more of the spanish language,

even though I still struggle today when talk , I’ve learned to embrace it because that is who I am
and who I will always be. I am an 18 year old Mexican-American teen who is still learning and I

hope to continue to learn more about not only my culture but also myself.

Works Cited

Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” Fifty Great Essays. Boston: Pearson,
2011.30-41.Print