THEOLOGY II

CHRISTIAN VISION OF MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

C O U R S E N O T E S

Love has been one of the most inspiring, if not controversial, subjects in history. Stories have
been written, masterpieces have been created and wars have been waged, all in the name of love.
Generations after generations have been moved to continue its sublime enterprise in making the world
better.

In psychology, love is defined as a strong feeling and emotion that leads people to be attracted or
even attached to their object of affection. Many have given their testimonies to this definition when they
‗fall in love‘. But whether this definition is true or not, we will stick to its theological definition, which
says that love is not a mere feeling or emotion, but — perhaps most importantly — a decision.

This definition is clearly illustrated in how Christ showed the world how to love. From womb to
tomb, Christ touched on every aspect of human existence with love. This is why the course notes for this
subject, The Christian Vision of Marriage and The Family, highly focus on love.

The following discussions will deal with the topics on love, marriage and family, and how the
three intertwine. The succeeding discussions will then shift on the demands of love, which is to create an
institution that will perpetuate the loving work of God in the world. This social institution — that is,
marriage — in its sacramental nature, was established to reflect that divine love to all people with a
special responsibility to the one whom a person will choose to spend his or her life with. The last
discussion will deal with the formation of family and the education of children. This topic is specifically
highlighted in order to stress the Church‘s participation and call to contribute to the society by bringing
up children who are schooled in the virtues of the gospel. The last topic will present the contemporary
state of and challenges to marriage, particularly in the Philippines, and how the educators of the faith can
teach the youth to courageously handle them.

Ultimately, it is our deepest desire that those who will take up the course be imbued with the zeal
of Christian love, and become advocates of the integrity of marriage and defenders of family life.

1
 UNIT I

Fundamental Christian Dimension of the Family

In the past several years, there were emerging issues that changed the landscape on how we view
marriage and its nature. The rapid social progression, such as the technological advancements and the
emergence of a more bureaucratic society, has weakened traditional values including moral and religious
beliefs. This greatly affected the basic structure and functions of marriage and family life due to the
growing neglect toward relationships within the homes. Particularly, the Filipino Family is trapped
between the forces of traditional living and modern lifestyle which introduced new sets of values and new
life-styles which brought a huge influence to the weakening of the life-long commitment in marriage.
This social change, sadly, is slowly, but not for long, crippling the stability of family life.

It is on this account that Unit 1 of Theology 2 shall discuss the Fundamental Christian
Dimensions of the Family and shed light on its importance and relevance in our times today. It will
expound on the meaning of marriage and the fruitfulness of family life that is blessed by God through the
sacrament of matrimony.

I. Fundamental Christian Dimensions of the Family

According to the document Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity, Apostolicam Actuositatem (11) of
the Second Vatican Council, ―Since the Creator of all things has established the conjugal partnership as
the beginning and basis of human society, the family is the first and vital cell of society.‖ It is a mission
received from God by the family. This mission commands that the family members should love each
other, pray together and make themselves a part of the liturgical worship of the Church. It is also an
ingredient of their apostolate as a family to volunteer in the catechetical work of the church, assist in
preparing those who are engaged to be married, give support to married couples and families who
experience material and moral crises, welcome strangers who need help.

Family is a social institution that binds people together. It is also a group of people, who support, and
love each other unconditionally. A family unites each other through a strong bond not only through blood
but through the intensification of their relationship as a family. Through marriage, a man and a woman,
who are completely independent of each other, bind themselves together and create a new life,
establishing their own family.

Having children is one of the most binding and satisfying tasks of marriage.

The man and the woman are given the responsibility to take care of their children, because the future
of the Church and the society depends on them. And whatever the parents inculcate in their children can
be crucial in their psychological, emotional and moral development. Parents must be concerned as to
"how they can best ensure that their children will grow up as genuine Christians and successful adults.
Every family is expected to build a future for their children that is optimistic, bright and full of hope.

Some parents may notice that their children are self-centered. If this is so, there might be a need
to change the way we relate to them so that their primary experience of relating will be as good and
positive as possible. Being an example ourselves is also crucial. Children may not always listen to what
their parents say, but they will observe what the parents do and hopefully emulate them.

It is in the family where one seek for help in times of trouble, pain or even joy and happiness.
Whatever the hardships may be, parents should always be there for their children because the first

2
experience of security must also be with the authorities children cling to with betrayal having no place in
the family‘s abode and thus, belongs to the realm outside the confines of one‘s home. The family should
be the haven where spouses and children find love, care and understanding.

FAMILY AS A SOCIAL INSTITUTION

The family is the pillar of the society. It is the foundation of all social institutions and interactions.
Social progress also depends largely on how strong the families are because good values such as kindness,
generosity, honesty and the like are first practiced and witnessed in the family. Having people practice
these virtues will definitely yield good results especially in building a tolerant, fair, and just society. But
if parents themselves set a rather negative example to their children such as lying, dishonesty and
violation of rules, this supposed contribution of the parents to the society by raising virtuous individuals
will eventually be in vain. The children as they mature, with their enthusiasm, creativity and optimism,
have to be acknowledged of their potential involvement in nation building. Parents must see to it that they
are there to guide their kids in order to bring them up in the spirit of Christian maturity. Therefore, if the
family is dysfunctional and unhealthy, the whole society, we can expect, will be dysfunctional and
unhealthy as well.

It would be hard to imagine one's life without a family, because it is what builds our future, and it is
the essence of the society.

The family is the primary unit where children learn to socialize. It is a major unit in which
socialization first happens and a fertile ground for individuals to be acquainted with fundamental
relational skills. It is in the family as well, that one receives support, love and guidance in times of
distress whether emotional, psychological, intellectual, social or even spiritual. The family, as the basic
unit of the society has the responsibility to pass on cultural and religious norms. And together with all
these, whether we like it or not, the family has the obligation to perform the initial education of children
with regard to sexuality and the conjugal act.

As the basic unit of the society, the family provides its members with social identity. This identity
sometimes is essential in finding opportunities in life. Every child comes from a particular social class,
race, ethnicity and religion. Some children, especially those born from affluent clans, have advantages in
life because their social class offers them opportunities which are not available to those who have less in
life. Children of the rich and famous are more likely to live in secure households, study in prestigious
universities, eat three times a day and would have the edge when they compete for their careers in the
future. Whereas, children whose parents come from below the poverty line are expected to strive harder
and prove themselves when they enter the society.

FUNCTIONS OF THE FAMILY

Since the family is considered as the foundation of the society, it performs several important functions,
such as:

1. Regulation of Sexuality

Sexual intercourse or the conjugal act in theological term is realized in a truly human way only if
it is an essential part of the love by which man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until
death. The Catholic Church considers extramarital sexual intercourse as unacceptable therefore, sinful.
No other forms of sexual pleasure should be allowed or accepted, but only that which is within the

3
genuine joy of love between man and woman who are married. The purpose of the conjugal act is to
express the mutual love and respect of husband and wife, and to deepen their intimacy. Its end is to unite
and procreate (Gen. 4:1-2). The Catholic Church teaches that sex within marriage is both a physical and a
spiritual act. It also teaches that the integrity of human sexuality and the procreative, relational and erotic
dimensions contained therein require the right context in which sexuality can be honored. Thus, when
talking about sex and the conjugal act, it must always be taken be a sacred and holy act.

In St. John Paul II‘s ―Theology of the Body‖ there is sexual complementarity between the husband and
the wife. It states that ―Husbands and wives, while equal in their dignity as persons, are complementary in
their sexuality. It is this complementarity that enables them to ―give‖ themselves to one another and to
―receive‖ one another and to carry out responsibilities as spouses and parents.‖

The complementarity of ―giving‖ and ―receiving‖ must be freely done by the man and the woman.
First, they have to freely choose to ―give‖ themselves to one another and to ―receive‖ one another. It is an
act necessary as a means for attaining the ―good of the spouses‖, whereby husbands and wives give
themselves to one another and receive one another and they become ―one‖. From the day they give and
receive their consent in marriage, they freely give themselves a new identity as husband and wife,
spouses. Through this act of giving and receiving, they commit themselves to one another throughout
their entire married life. Second, is to freely choose to engage in the conjugal act. This act unites two
persons who are irreplaceable, non-substitutable, and non-disposable. It means that the marital act is not
simply a genital act, but an act of giving and receiving that honors the unitive meaning of human
sexuality. Third, is to freely choose to cooperate with God and be open to procreation, welcoming life
with open arms, raise the child and educate him/her in the love of service of God and neighbor. Blessed
Pope Paul VI expounded this in his encyclical Humanae Vitae, when he wrote, ―because of its intrinsic
nature, the conjugal act, while uniting husband and wife in the most intimate of bonds, also makes them
fit to bring forth new life according to the laws written in their very nature as male and female‖.

2. Responsible Procreation

According to Familiaris Consortio ( No. 14) While procreation is not the only purpose of marriage, it
is one of the benefits that can result from marriage. In Genesis 1:28, procreation in marriage is perceived
as cooperation with the God of love and so must be exercised with responsibility, prudence, and
unselfishness. In begetting life, husband and wife fulfill one of the highest dimensions of the Christian
calling, which is to become God‘s co-worker and co-creator. As such, responsible cooperation with God
in the order of human sexuality cannot be reduced to the concept of fertility and indiscriminate
procreation of children at all cost. Every Catholic Institution has a great role to play in helping Christians
understand the Catholic Social Teaching about marriage. Marriage is a life-long covenantal relationship
between a man and a woman, characterized by human love, and open to procreation (Can. 1055; Eph. 5:1-
3). On this basis, the Church emphasizes a few points: First, is that sexual love must be enjoyed within
the Divine parameters. Second, spouses should look after one another‘s well-being. Third, is that a couple
must procreate when possible. Fourth, is that a couple who procreate must fulfil their responsibility as
parents.

In a nutshell, family is the core where Christian faith must grow and blossom and where parents
exercise their proper responsibility in caring for both the spiritual and physical needs of their children.
Therefore, Christian marriage must be grounded in Catholic faith and morals. Children are a gift that God
gives man and woman united in marriage.

Church documents such as Gaudium et Spes (GS) and Blessed Pope Paul VI‘s 1968 encyclical ―On
Human Life‖ (Humanae Vitae) introduce us to the concept of responsible procreation. The Catholic

4
Social Teaching emphasizes that parents, as co-creators with God, have the responsibility to decide on the
number of children they can care for as they cooperate with God in this noble task (1 Timothy 3:5). Thus,
the following three points need to be highlighted: First, while God commanded man and woman to beget
children and fill the earth (Gen. 1:28), God has also made parents responsible for the physical, emotional,
and spiritual needs of their children (1 Timothy 3:5). Second, parents are better able to meet this
responsibility when the number of children in a family is reasonable and manageable. Third, parents
should not reproduce carelessly—having many children yet failing to give those children the care they
deserve. As such, responsible procreation implies: Begetting children whose dignity will not be respected
is virtually a sin, regardless of whether the country‘s population is low or high. Fourth, Catholic couples
must discuss and make decisions together regarding the regulation of birth in the family.

Married couples should follow their own proper path to holiness by faithful love. They should plan for
the conception and education of their offsprings, lovingly welcome them as God‘s gift. In this way, they
stand as witnesses and co-operators in the fruitfulness of the Holy Mother Church; by such lives they are
a sign and a participation in that very love with which Christ loved his bride and for which he delivered
himself up for her (GS. No. 41). On this basis, the Catholic Church calls for respect of God‘s law when
discussing procreation, parenthood, and population. Therefore, married couples should use their power of
reason to make appropriate decisions about questions such as how many children to bear. When talking
about family planning, it is every parent‘s responsibility to regulate human fertility in a manner that will
enable them to adequately respond to the needs and aspirations of their families and children.

Human beings are made to be stewards of God‘s creation, which implies that men and women have an
obligation to take care of themselves and of the earth and its natural resources. Family size and birth
spacing affect a family‘s health and socioeconomic well-being in many and different ways. There is a
great need to promote Natural Family Planning (NFP) methods, especially stressing the advantages of
NFP over artificial methods.

And when given the great gift of being parents, part of the mission of stewardship is to educate the
children both intellectually and in the faith. It is important to educate young people about issues on
sexuality and family planning long before they marry so that they may cultivate an attitude of responsible
parenthood from an early age (remote preparation). The youth and those preparing for marriage should be
taught and given enough information about the following:

A. The properties and purposes of Christian marriage.

B. The importance of responsible parenthood.
C. The Church‘s guidance on family planning.
D. The linkages between population growth, family planning, and development.
E. Above all, Abstinence, Faithfulness, Love, Commitment, and Trust.

Young people should be encouraged to delay marriage and concentrate on studies and social service
during their adolescent years. Their early adulthood must be spent preparing for the vocation to marriage
in the event that God calls them to this path. By this, it will help them build a solid foundation for
marriage and parenthood, reduce the risk of health hazards connected to early pregnancy, and may
regulate the number of children they might want to have.

3. Socialization

The family is the most common form of social organization. It is the first human society. It is at the very
heart of the common good. ―the sum total of social conditions which allow people, either as groups or as
individuals, to reach their fulfilment more fully and more easily‖ (Gaudium et Spes, 26). According to

5
 the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the family is the original cell of social life. It is the natural society
in which husband and wife are called to give themselves in love and in the gift of life. Authority, stability
and a life of relationships within the family constitute the foundations for freedom, security, and fraternity
within society. The family is the community in which, from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin
to honor God, and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society (CCC 2207).
In the Compendium of the Catholic Social Teachings, ―The family is the cradle of life and love where
they are born and grow (212), and every social model that intends to serve the common good of man must
not overlook the centrality and social responsibility of the family (214). No family is possible without
adequate socialization of the young members. The family provides its members with social identity. It
socializes children, and it provides emotional support. Love in promoting moral values. The family has a
crucial role in society by being a model of love for their children, love between a husband and wife, and
finally

4. Economic Cooperation

Population would decline should families decide to withdraw themselves from the society. Families
are important for goods and services. Most productions are geared toward families, especially for their
basic needs – food, clothing and shelter. If one belongs to a family, definitely, economic support is
necessary. The husband and the wife are expected to find decent livelihood in order to provide for their
children, not only in their material needs but also things that would enrich their emotional, psychological,
intellectual and spiritual yearnings. Thus, through economic cooperation, spouses learn how to give
themselves by sacrificing their time and effort by working industriously for the benefit of their families.
This action, though subtly, children are educated in the spirit of genuine self-giving, sharing and
responsibility. People in every nation enhance the social dimension of their lives by acting as committed
and responsible citizens. According to Pope Francis in ―The Joy of the Gospel‖ (220) ―responsible
citizenship is a virtue, and participation in political life is a moral obligation‖. James 2:15-17 says that ―If
a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day, and one of you says to them, ―Go in
peace, keep warm, and eat well,‖ but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it? So
also faith itself, if it does not have works, is dead. We have to be reminded of the saying that ―there is no
one who is so poor, that he has nothing to give and no one is so rich that he cannot receive‖. Thus, part of
the responsibility of parents is to open their children‘s awareness on social concerns and eventually
encourage them to participate in charity works and political activities.

POSITIVE CONTRIBUTION OF FAMILY TO THE SOCIETY

The family, as the bedrock of society, must be a model of the loving relationship between children and
their parents. This role of being the paragon good relationship must edify the society at large. The man as
father should be a living model of patience and kindness. The husband-wife relationship should likewise
reflect the love of Jesus for His Church. The woman, on the other hand, must portray the exemplar of
being the refuge, comfort and teacher that children are entitled to have. Through the love of the mother,
the family is not only nourished but led to Christ even more through her pious deeds. Spouses must love
each other according to Christ‘s pattern of love which is kind, patient, cherishing and nourishing each
other. Their conjugal love is the greatest blessing that they could have for each other. A love that is loyal,
true and willing to sacrifice for each other and for the entire family. According to Pope Benedict XVI, the
love between a married couple can be fully understood in the light of the love of the crucified Christ
(Deus Caritas Est 2). Marriage becomes the image of the relationship of God and his people. God‘s way
of loving becomes the measure of human love (Deus Caritas Est 11).

6
 Marital fidelity is indispensable in cultivating respect. It is a commitment of one‘s whole life to the
spouse. A sign of true conjugal love is mutual respect which is one of the major keys to happiness in
marriage that must be given importance and emphasis. To put down one‘s spouse is to degrade him/her as a
person. Fidelity in marriage is also a key to happiness and central to the ―good of the spouses‖. The greatest
gift a father could give to his children is to love and be faithful to his wife. This may also be his way of
showing respect to his wife‘s dignity as a person and to the family as a whole.

The family should also impact the entire society through their positive examples. In this crucial time
where moral values are deteriorating, and with the destructive forces attacking families today, the family
must live according to the teachings of the Church and should take steps to ensure that laws and institutions
of the state are supporting and safeguarding the rights and duties of the family. According to Familiaris
Consortio: (FC 45) ―Both the state and society must defend the family and respect its identity and its
autonomy as a way of fulfilling the requirements of the principle of subsidiarity‖.

In the end, the family must promote marriage as sacred, which is exclusive for a man and a woman
as ordained by God in the story of creation. Parents must show love to their children by spending quality
time with them, educating them and see them mature to be good Christians so that they can carry out the
mission of Christ when their turn comes to pass on the gospel to their own families.

FAMILY AS A DOMESTIC CHURCH

The family is an important gift that God has endowed man and the whole of humanity. It is a
community of grace. The Catechism of the Catholic Church [1656] expounded on the importance of
family as a Church. In our own time, in a world often estranged and even hostile to faith, there is a
tendency to shatter our belief that families are of primary importance as centers of living, and involved in
the mission of Jesus Christ. The family is a place of encounter with Christ within the community
especially when members are actively participating in the mission of Christ entrusted to the Church. Its
members should involve themselves in different community programs that reach out to those who are in
need of care, whether material or spiritual (AL 86). That is why Church can be rightly called a family of
families.

For this reason, the Second Vatican Council, using ancient expression, calls the family the “Ecclesia
Domestica”. It is in the bosom of the family that parents are ―by word and example, the first heralds of
the faith with regard to their children. They should encourage them in the vocation which is proper to
each child, fostering with special care any religious vocation. It is called the domestic church because it
lives out the familial and communal nature of the church as the family of God. Every home is called to
become a ―domestic church‖ in which family life is completely centered on the Lordship of Christ
wherein the love of husband and wife mirrors the mystery of Christ‘s love for the church, his bride.
Families are expected to be effective bearers of the Gospel in their community. They should be witnesses
as domestic churches (AL 200).

The Christian family participates in the threefold mission of Jesus Christ, the prophetic, priestly and
kingly mission. The family must be a believing and evangelizing community. Its members must actively
participate in the liturgical and sacramental celebration of the church. The members of the family must
become witnesses of Christ‘s love in their day to day life. They should be involved in the mission of the
Church. The parents can participate in the family ministry together with their children who can also
involved themselves in Youth ministry, practicing the gospel values. The family must be a place where
the Gospel is transmitted and from which the Gospel radiates. They must be evangelized so they can
become evangelizers of many other families in their community.

7
 The strength of their mission can be nourished and sustained by constant prayers to God, frequently
receiving the Eucharist and observance of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

The love within the family should be shared with others, reaching out to those who are in need. The
parents and their children must be the salt of the world and leaven in the midst of humanity.

Endnotes

1. Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 214, 1656, 2207.

2. Vatican Council II used the expression ―good of the spouses‖ in Gaudium et spes, no. 48

3. Vatican Council II, Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, Gaudium et spes, no. 26.

4. Gaudium at Spes no. 41

5. Council‘s Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity, Apostolicam Actuositatem, no. 11.

6. Pius XI, Encyclical Casti connubii, no. 23

7. Vatican Council II, Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, Gaudium et spes, no. 48

8. Code of Canon Law, canon 1055.

9. John Paul II, Apostolic exhortation Familiaris consortio, 14 , 25, 45.

10. Humanae Vitae

11. Theology of the Body no. 35

12. Amoris Laeticia 86 and 200

8
 UNIT II

Christian Perspective of Marriage

A. The Biblical Perspective

MARRIAGE IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

I. Marriage in Creation

In recent times, the understanding of marriage has been so muddled and blurred that a return to its
biblical bases becomes necessary in order to recover the real purpose of God for man and woman. The
gift of marriage, both as social institution and as a sacrament, traces its origins in the Book of Genesis ―as
willed by God in the very act of creation.‖1 This enacts God‘s plan of including marriage in the very
center of the ―Creation, Fall and Redemption of man.‖2 Looking through the procreationist view of the
Priestly Tradition in Gen. 1:26-28, 31 and the personalist view of the Yahwist Tradition in Genesis 2:18-
25, one arrives at the presumption that both traditions form the foundations of marriage.

―The Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a suitable partner… The
man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none proved
to be the suitable partner for man. So the Lord God cast a deep sleep on the man and while was
asleep, He took out one of man‘s ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The Lord God then built
up into a woman the rib He had taken from the man. When He brought her to the man, the man
said: This one, at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called woman
for out her man this one has been taken. That is why man leaves his father and mother and clings
to his wife and the two of them become one body.‖ –Gen. 2:18; 20-25

Delving deeper the origin of marriage in Genesis, we begin with God mentioning that ―it is not
good for man to be alone.‖ It is worth noting that of all the things in creation where God has declared
good,3 the ‗being alone of man‘ was the sole exemption from the regard of God. This ―solitude of man‖ 4
implies two meanings: first, is man‘s very nature [male and female] while the second is derived from the
male-female relationship.

In the first meaning, man was tasked to name ―every beast of the field and every bird of the air‖5
in which man becomes aware of his own authority over the other living beings on earth. Because of this
conscious search for his own identity, man came to the conclusion that none is and will be suitable to be
his equal. From this conclusion springs the second meaning to which the ‗aloneness‘ of man necessitated
the creation of the woman. We are reminded of the reply Christ mentioned in Matthew 19 when he said:
―Have you not read that the Creator from the beginning made them male and female?‖ This creation of
man and woman provides the source of equality for both, forming an indivisible union with each other.

1 St. John Paul II. Familiaris Consortio:The Christian Family in the Modern World (hereafter FC), (Catholic Truth
Society, 1981), no. 3
2 Catechism of the Catholic Church (hereafter CCC), (Paulines Publications Africa, 1992), no. 1602.
3 Genesis 1:31.
4 St. John Paul II. The Redemption of the Body and Sacramentality of Marriage: Theology of the Body, (The Catholic

Primer, 2005), 15-17.

5 Gen. 2:19.

9
 With God placing man into a deep sleep,6 it becomes an opening salvo for the next creative act of
God. This deep sleep ―indicates a return to the moment preceding the creation.‖7 The solitary man enters
into sleep as one being then re-emerges from slumber as male and female. It would be worth noting that
God used the rib of man to form the woman in order to show that they are actually the same created being,
two halves of a whole and that man and woman together make ―Man.‖ St. John Paul II deepens this
insight in the following analogy:

―The Bible calls the first human being ―man‖ (`adam), but from the moment of the creation of the
first woman, it begins to call him ―man‖ (ish), in relation to ishshah, ―woman‖ because she was
taken from man—ish.‖8

The woman was made from the very same element of man and was every bit as perfect a creation
and every bit patterned after God‘s image and likeness. Abel Isaksson furthers the reason why woman
was taken from the rib of man by discussing that the real purpose of removing a rib from man was not to
merely form a biologically compatible creature with man since that can be accomplished with God
creating another being from clay. A deeper purpose is shown in this unique act of creating woman:
kinship.9 John Keller supports this insight of Isaksson and adds:

―When God removed a rib from Adam, He did more than just create another man, He
created a man with the same genes, blood type, DNA and physical characteristics. He
created kinfolk. God‘s existence is eternal kinship. God‘s image and likeness would be
an earthly kinship; man‘s kinship would be dependent on that kinship...‖ Man was
created family. Trinity and Family are divine synonyms. God is a family (Father, Son
and Holy Spirit). Man is a family (father, mother, son)‖10

With the knowledge of kinship as a purpose for removing a rib from man in the creation of
woman, this presents a strong and indissoluble bond that is present between man and woman. With the
bond between man and woman in place, it paves the way for the creation of a child where man finally
reaches the ultimate form of kinship: family. Johannes Pedersen explains: ―In the family, the chief thing
is kinship… For the Israelite it is a matter of course that common flesh makes common character.
Therefore, mishpaha or family is the designation of those who are of the same kind, have the same
essential features and it is the essential factor of community‖11

With this in mind, mishpaha or family becomes a natural application by the Israelites for all human
beings because it encompasses humanity as a whole12 and the Israelites see these communities of different
races as communities of different families.

Deriving from the idea of the kinship of family, it is also worth noting that the creation of man
and woman reveals that they were created as a single pair13 in contrast to the other creatures in creation

6 Gen. 2:21.
7 St. John Paul II. The Redemption of the Body and Sacramentality of Marriage: Theology of the Body, (The Catholic
Primer, 2005), 22.
8 Ibid., 11.
9 Isaksson, Abel and Neil Tomkinson. Marriage and Ministry in the New Temple: A Study with Special Reference to

Mt. 19. 13-12 and 1 Cor. 11. 3-16, trans. Neil Tomkinson; (Lund; Enjar Munksgaard, 1965), 20; Also see Gen. 2; Lev. 18; and
Deut. 24 which also refer to kinship.
10 John D. Keller, Jesus’ Doctrine of Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage (Goose River Press, Waldoboro, Maine,

2006),14.
11 Johannes Pedersen, Israel: Its Life and Culture Vol. 1(Scholars Press Atlanta Georgia, 1991), 48.
12 Gen. 10:15,18; Ps. 22:27.

10
that were made in large numbers. Compared to the rich variety of other creatures in creation, man and
woman was the only single pair that seemed to face extinction at the very beginning of history. The only
means of survival for their species was ―to be fruitful and multiply14‖ populating the earth. In order for
them to be fruitful and to multiply, man and woman must now balance this delicate relationship between
them in order to survive. With the fall from grace, it altered the once out-flowing and special relationship
between him and the woman making it more difficult for both of them to nurture and maintain their
relationship. With the overwhelming odds in favour of man‘s extinction, man relies on his faith in God 15
in order to see hope and build a relationship between his family and God. It now becomes imperative for
man to sustain his faith and hope in God and let it lead him and his family in a marriage of love and
promise.

Prior to the creation of the woman, man does not completely realize his predicament of being
―alone‖ and only realizes this after meeting the woman and by ―existing with the woman‖ and come to
fully understand it by ―existing for woman.‖ John Paul II explains: ―Let us add that this finding of oneself
in giving oneself becomes the source of a new giving of oneself. This grows by virtue of the interior
disposition to the exchange of the gift and to the extent to which it meets with the same and even deeper
acceptance and welcome as the fruit of a more and more intense awareness of the gift itself.‖16

This recognition of kinship and gift of self between man and woman is encapsulated by the
exclamation of man upon meeting woman: ―This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!‖17 With
the declaration that they are forever bound, man forms a covenant with woman which results in ―man
leaving his father and mother to be with the woman and they become one flesh‖ With man and woman
becoming one, they are now bound by oath to share every triumph and tragedy, weakness and strength
and both share their responsibility to God. The woman then, becomes a partner to man in their roles of
‗subduing‘ the earth. With this role, stems responsibilities and obligations toward each other in mutual
trust and fidelity which in turn grounds a covenantal relationship.

Lastly, the act where the woman was formed from man‘s rib raises questions as to why was the
woman specifically taken from the rib of man and not from any other parts of the man‘s body. Another
question is, why does it have to come from the body instead of being formed from dust of how the man
was created. 17th century English minister and author Matthew Henry provides a beautiful insight on the
reason why the woman was taken from the man‘s rib. He says:
―Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his
feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near his heart to be loved by
him.‖18

13 John D. Keller, Jesus’ Doctrine of Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage (Goose River Press, Waldoboro, Maine,
2006),12.
14 Gen. 1:28.
15 This is an echo of the words of Pope Francis in his homily during the Papal visit to Tacloban, Saturday, January
17, 2015: “And beside the cross was his Mother. We are like a little child in the moments when we have so much pain and
no longer understand anything. All we can do is grab hold of her hand firmly and say “Mommy” – like a child does when it
is afraid. It is perhaps the only words we can say in difficult times – “Mommy.””
16 St. John Paul II. The Redemption of the Body and Sacramentality of Marriage: Theology of the Body, (The

Catholic Primer, 2005), 44.

17 There are two instances wherein “bone” and “flesh” referred to woman as wife. In Job 2: 5-9 where Job was

stricken with boils and his wife turns against him. Here, she is regarded as the final blow to Job’s physical ailment. While
Ecclus. 25:26 states: “A bad woman must be ‘cut off from’ her husband’s flesh.”
18 Matthew Henry, George Burder, Joseph Hughes and Samuel Palmer. An Exposition of the Old and New

Testament. Ed. Barrington & Geo. D. (Haswell Publisher, Philadelphia 1838).

11
 From Henry‘s reasoning, we glean that marriage is no longer seen as a mere sexual union of a
couple but rather something far more sublime. The complementarity of man and woman goes far beyond
mere sexual expression and instead encompasses the entirety of the human experience. Leonardo Boff
adds:

―In fact, marriage seen on its own is already a sacramental sign of the love of two lives.
Through it, the meeting and flowering in love of an ―I‖ and a ―Thou‖ are expressed on
the personal and social levels. Human love, therefore, seen in its totality, possesses a
transcendent need and dimension. In love, man experiences fullness, the generosity of
living for another, and the encounter that makes two one. Nevertheless, he also knows
that love can be threatened by infidelity, by separation and by death; he can also find that
the other is not the full and exhaustive answer to the longings of his heart. Man sighs for
a deep and lasting love. What he loves is not in fact just another person, but the mystery
of personality, revealed and made flesh in the loved one, but also veiled and
withdrawn‖19

II. Marriage as practiced in the Old Testament

Even though the word only appears six times20 in the Old Testament and often times seen as
purely a civil contract21, marriage is still illustrated powerfully in the narratives seen in its books. To
understand how marriage is practiced in the Old Testament is to understand how Israel sees their
relationship with God as a marital relationship.22 As marriage is rooted in the Creation by Yahweh, the
union of man and woman was protected by the laws that governed the early Israelite society and is
intertwined with its history. Marriage and family, in ancient Jewish practice, have been one of the
defining institutions of Judaism for almost a thousand years.23 Consequently, what will be discussed in
this area will be consisting firstly of the marriage practices in the Old Testament and secondly, How
marriage in the Old Testament mirrors the marriage of Israel and Yahweh.

Marriage: The Practice

The stages of the Jewish marriage in the Old Testament consisted of [1] a contract or betrothal
stage, in which the terms of responsibility and payment were determined; 24 the stage consists of the
wedding dowry or engagement gift which was usually offered by the bride‘s father.25 As soon as the gift
is given to the groom, the woman becomes the grooms‘ legal wife26 even though the marital relation has

19 Leonardo Boff, 1973. “The Sacrament of Marriage” in Concilium 7, n.9, 26.

20 Gen. 38:8; Ex. 21:10; Num. 36:6; Deut. 25:5; Ps. 78:63; and Isa. 62:5.
21 According to the Mishnah (the first written major redaction of the Oral Torah), A wife is to be acquired by

money or by writ or by intercourse. Thus, in some cases, sexual intercourse alone was considered as a means to constitute
marriage; Isaksson, Abel and Neil Tomkinson. Marriage and Ministry in the New Temple: A Study with Special Reference to
Mt. 19. 13-12 and 1 Cor. 11. 3-16, trans. Neil Tomkinson; (Lund; Enjar Munksgaard, 1965), 125.
22 Jocelyn Hellig, “A Jewish Woman’s Reflections on the Pressure of Secularist and Hedonist Influences on the

Traditional Jewish Ideals of Marriage and Family,” Dialogue and Alliance: Journal of the International Religious
Foundation 9, no. 1 (1995), 91.
23 Richard L. Rubenstein, “Marriage and the Family in Jewish Tradition,” Dialogue and Alliance: Journal of the

International Religious Foundation 9, no. 1(1995), 17.

24 Daniel Sinclair. “Marriage,” in The Oxford Dictionary of the Jewish Religion, eds. R. J. Zwi Werblowsky and

Geoffrey Wigoder. (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1997), 423-424; also See Genesis 34:12; Exodus 22:17.
25 I Sam. 18:25-27; II Sam. 3:14.
26 Deut. 22:23-24.

12
not yet been consummated;27 [2] the consummation stage also known as the chuppah stage, wherein the
bride and groom would consummate their union in the chuppah, or bridal chamber28; and lastly, [3] the
seven blessings and the marriage supper, which includes seven days of feasting as a celebration of the
marriage while the seven blessings were recited over the couple.29 One can note how the matrimonial
process mirrors the covenant process namely, the declaration of terms, the confession and finalization of
oath and the fellowship meal.30

According to the Kiddushin,31 the minimum age for those willing to get married in the Jewish
society of the Old Testament was thirteen (13) for the boys and twelve (12) for girls. But acknowledging
the reality of the times, the Hebrew Talmud encouraged marriage after puberty, preferably sixteen to
twenty four and such marriages were usually arranged by the parents.32 Since the Israelites give high
regard to kinship, the choosing of a wife by either the parents or the groom himself usually is influenced
by relationships with family and the welfare of the tribe33 although relationships and marriages with very
close family members is strictly forbidden.34

In choosing an ideal woman, the book of Proverbs35 presents an image of an ideal woman in who
is a potential candidate to be the king‘s future wife. She will give birth to the future heir to the throne;
she is full of virtue who presents assurance to her husband because she does only good during her whole
life. Her chores are various: she works with wool and hemp, cooks and feeds the ones in the household,
manages the house activities when the husband is absent, she even takes care of small business, works the
land, and speaks wisely. All these bring her husband and sons‘ praise, as well as the community leaders‘
appreciation. To take such a woman into marriage meant, in the Israelite society, ―to find the good‖ and
getting a ―favour from God.‖36 Fertility, industriousness, and morality were the basis criteria in choosing
a wife and, implicitly, the most praised virtues of a woman in biblical writings. On the other hand, the
ideal virtues of a man can be seen in the narratives of Exodus which state that a man‘s duty was that of
always providing for his wife food, comfort and security. 37

Going back to the ritual performed in the marriage rite, the Old Testament provides little insight
as to what occurs. The mother could choose the wife for her son38 or can be a part of the decision making
process.39 The Song of Songs shows that the mother places a wreath on her son‘s head on the wedding
day. 40 The groom as well as the bride have an entourage 41 and among the entourage is ―the groom‘s
friend.‖ 42 It is implied that the wedding can take place in the bride‘s house 43 or at the house of the
groom.44 The wedding ceremonies are long and includes fasting.45

27 Deut. 20:7; 28:30.

28 Solomon B.Freehof, “Huppah,” in The Oxford Dictionary of the Jewish Religion, eds. R. J. Zwi Werblowsky and
Geoffrey Wigoder. (Oxford: Oxford University Press. 1997), 341; See also 1 Jn. 2:16; Ps. 19:6
29 Normon Solomon, “Marriage” in Historical Dictionary of Judaism. (Rowman & Littlefield, 2015), 243
30 William A. Dyrness,“Themes in the Old Testament Theology” (InterVarsity Press, 1980), 118-119
31 Kiddushin is Hebrew which refers to sanctification or dedication, also called erusin (betrothal), the first of the

two stages of the Jewish wedding process.

32 Judg. 21:21; Gen. 24:2, 29:23; Tob. 6:13.
33 Gen. 24:4.
34 Lev. 18:6.
35 Prov. 31:10-31.
36 Prov. 18:22.
37 Ex. 21:10.
38 Gen. 21:21.
39 Gen. 27:46; 28:7; Judg. 14:2-3.
40 Songs of Sol. 3:11.
41 Judg. 14:11.
42 Judg. 14:20; 15:2; Jn. 3:29.

13
 With regard to the authority between the husband and wife relationship, many would think that
since the Israelite society followed a patriarchal framework, it would follow that the husband is the master
or owner of the family and of his wife‘s person as well. This belief, framed under the title of the husband:
―ba‟al” focuses more on the procreative responsibilities of the wife in the marriage. The husband does
not own the wife‘s person, but her sexuality. Catalin Vatamanu elaborates:

―In marriage, a man did not have a property right over his wife, but exclusive rights over
her sexuality and fertility, by extension, over the children resulted from the fruitfulness of
their marriage. In this context, the use of baal meant, undoubtedly, the expression of the
husband‘s authority, the idea of his property over his wife‘s sexuality and fertility. It
follows that the concept of legitimate property is applied to a woman only before
marriage, when she is the property of her father who is responsible for it. In other words,
the only meaning in which the woman could be described as ―property‖ would be her
status as a daughter, not as a wife.‖46

Once the wife becomes a mother, the role of motherhood becomes a patent of nobility47 for the
woman where she acquires a place in the family as well as a share in the authority of the husband over the
children. And even though the authority of the father supersedes those of the mother as regards the
welfare of the family, the father and mother are still mentioned together and given the same manner of
respect by the children and thus, presents a deep relationship of reverence between the children and their
parents.

Covenant: A Marriage between God and His people

Proceeding to the second part of the topic, marriage in the Old Testament mirrors the marriage of
Israel with Yahweh. Throughout the scriptures, Yahweh describes His covenant with His chosen people
in terms of marriage which implies how it is highly regarded by God:

―The Time is coming,‖ declares the Lord, ―when I will make a new covenant with the
house of Israel and with the house of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with
their forefathers when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they
broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them,‖ declares the Lord.‖- Malachi 2:13-
16

This covenantal relationship of Israel and God is often illustrated as that of a husband (Yahweh)
and wife (Israel) in stark comparison with the polytheistic neighboring countries around Israel. Leland
Ryken et al. explains that ―the Israelites‘ monotheistic stance distinguished Judaism from the polytheism
of other ancient religions; the idea of monogamy thus, underlies figurative prostitution accusations. God‘s

43 Gen.29:22; Tob. 8:19; Mt. 25.

44 Mt. 22:1-14; Jn 2:9-10.
45 Judg.14:10-12, Jer. 7:34; I Macc.9:39; Tob. 8:19; Jn. 2.
46 Catalin Vatamanu, “Marriage in the Old Testament. A Social Reality and a Theological Metaphor Reflected in the

Biblical Rhetoric”; Text si discurs religios, (2016): 5.

47 Johannes Pedersen, Israel: Its Life and Culture Vol. 1. in South Florida Studies in the History of Judaism, ed. Jacob

Neusner, William Scott Green, James Strange, Darrel J. Fasching and Sara Mandel (Scholars Press Atlanta Georgia , 1991),
71.

14
covenant with Israel is comparable to a monogamous marriage; he provides for her, raises her to a special
place of honor and asks her to support his plan.‖48

The prophets of the Old Testament saw a monogamous relationship in the marriage of Yahweh
with his people and thus, presented the image of Israel as the one wife who was chosen by the God with
whom they formed a covenant with. This marriage between Yahweh and Israel presents God as the
compassionate and patient husband who loves his wife even in times of great conflict and aggravation. He
maintains His steadfastness in His covenant with His people despite their many flaws and abuses.49

The prophet Hosea, instructed by God to marry Gomer, an adulterous wife, illustrates a
theological example for Israel for from this story, by worshiping the gods of foreign countries, Israel
dishonors their covenant relationship with God.50 In the story of Hosea, the punishment of the unfaithful
wife becomes a clear symbol of the punishment of the people of Israel. 51 In fact, the book of Hosea
unveils the enduring divine love of God for a sinful people. This covenant of God to his people is a
covenant of mercy, reconciliation and restoration that extends all throughout the history of Israel as a
nation. The parallels between marriage and covenant indicate that God intended marriage to be a lifelong
and exclusive relationship. David Atkinson points out the similarities between marriage and God‘s
covenant: ―an initiative of love, inviting a response, creating a relationship, making a vow of consent,
guarding the union, upholding faithfulness, the promise of blessing to the faithful and finally, sacrifice.‖52

For the prophet Jeremiah, he called for the repentance of his people for their infidelity:

―Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem: ―This is what the LORD says: ―‗I
remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me
through the wilderness, through a land not sown. Israel was holy to the LORD, the first
fruits of his harvest; all who devoured her were held guilty, and disaster overtook them,‘‖
declares the LORD.‖‖ – Jeremiah 2: 2-3

It was during the time of Jeremiah where the relationship of Israel with Yahweh was greatly
stressed due to their infidelity and sin and no wonder Jeremiah recalls the love of Yahweh for his people
as to how a husband loves his wife which was vividly captured in the scripture passage cited above.
Robert Caroll delves deeper into this statement of Jeremiah by saying:

―The strong emotions behind the language are apparent, and the oracles share the same
atmosphere of outrage, pain and jealousy as may be found in Hosea. The roots of the
metaphoric language are probably to be found in the cult of the incomparable Yahweh,
the jealous God, who did not permit other gods to be associated with his worship
(Ex.20:3; Deut. 5:7). As a man did not permit his wife to take lovers or go off after other
men, so the deity did not permit the community to worship other gods‖53

48 Ed. Leland Ryken, James C. Wilhoit, and Tremper Longman, III., “Prostitute, Prostitution” in Dictionary of
Biblical Imagery; (Downers Grove: InterVarsity, 1998), 677.
49 Is. 54:6; 62:4; Jer. 3:1; Ezek. 16:32; Hosea 1:2; Mal. 2:11-14.
50 Hosea 2:18; 3:1-5.
51 Hosea 2:4-15.
52 David Atkinson,. To Have and to Hold. (Glassgow: Colins, 1979), 75.
53 Robert P. Caroll, 1981. From Chaos to Covenant: Uses of Prophecy in the Book of Jeremiah, London, SCM (1981),

61.

15
 Despite the love, honor and respect bestowed by God upon Israel, like a husband who showers his
wife with affection, Israel chose to leave Yahweh behind in search of other gods, breaking their bond and
covenant:

―This is what the LORD says: ―What fault did your ancestors find in me, that they strayed so far
from me? They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves.‖‖-Jer. 2:5

―Long ago you broke off your yoke and tore off your bonds; you said, ‗I will not serve you!‘
Indeed, on every high hill and under every spreading tree you lay down as a prostitute.‖-Jer. 2:20

With the unfaithfulness of Israel in contrast to the steadfast love of Yahweh, Jeremiah recognizes
this adultery of Israel54 and calls for a journey of penitence, reconciliation and renewal of the broken bond
between them and God.55 This renewed relationship is exemplified in the introduction of a new covenant
made by Yahweh:

―At that time,‖ declares the LORD, ―I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they
will be my people… I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with
unfailing kindness. I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful.‖ –Jer. 31:1, 3-4

―The days are coming,‖ declares the LORD, ―when I will make a new covenant with the
people of Israel and with the people of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with
their ancestors when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they
broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them,‖ declares the LORD. ―This is the
covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,‖ declares the LORD. ―I will
put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be
my people. No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‗Know
the LORD,‘ because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,‖
declares the LORD. ―For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no
more.‖-Jer. 31:31-34

Rabbi Albert Plotkin elaborates the covenant mentioned above by showing the deep love God has
for His people:

―Jeremiah also employed God‘s falling in love with His people for he was loyal in His
love to His people. The people went after other lovers and made sacrifices to other gods.
Jeremiah, nevertheless, felt that love was the very foundation stone for the idea of
Covenant. God alone was Divine, Husband and Protector, and Israel was exclusively his.

In the beginning, Israel was only with her God and the depths of her vows, as marriage
vows, of loyalty, were expressed through chesed (Heb. Loving-kindness) and through
ahava, love. These two words were integral to Covenant as Jeremiah lived and
understood it. He felt that the marriage took place in Israel‘s history. The prophet recalls
the event as a solemn reminder of the word zochor, memory, and the marriage vows as
the most important factor in renewing the value of Covenant.‖56

54 Jer. 3:1, 4.
55 Jer. 11:1-7.
56 Albert Plotkin, 1999. Jeremiah’s Concept of Covenantal Relationship, ed. Judith T. Borras and Angel Saenz-

Badillos, vol. 1, Jewish studies at the turn of the Twentieth Century, Proceedings of the 6th EAJS Congress Toledo, July
1998 Volume 1: Biblical, Rabbinical, and Medieval Studies(Netherlands: Brill), 174.

16
 MARRIAGE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT

I. Marriage in the Gospels

In dealing with marriage in the New Testament, like its counterpart, the Old Testament, it
endorses and demonstrates the same sound doctrine of marriage. Like the Old Testament wherein
marriage is typically used to illustrate the relationship of Yahweh to His people, so does the New
Testament illustrate the union of Christ and the Church, finally elevating marriage to its eternal state
while still fully defending its original intent. Marriage can be seen throughout the Gospels in the key
events in Jesus‘s life. From the relationship of Joseph and Mary, to the wedding feast at Cana, to the
scathing sermon of John the Baptist, and parables shared by Christ, marriage is at the core of Jesus‘ life
and teachings.

It is often taught that Jesus is the fulfilment of the Old Covenant57 and if the covenant in the Old
Testament includes marriage and mirrors the marriage of Yahweh with His chosen people, then marriage
finds fulfilment in Jesus. Douglas Moo supports this by relating: ―In his direct statements about the law,
Jesus upholds the continuing validity of the entire Old Testament Scriptures, but also asserts that this
validity must be understood in the light of its fulfilment.‖58

In Christ, God brings back creation to its original unimpeded state. 59 Christ in turn, fulfils
marriage and transforms it in the intended image and plan of God. Jesus‘ own remarks in the Gospel of
Mark point to this direction:

―And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, ―Is it lawful for a man to divorce
his wife?‖ He answered them, ―What did Moses command you?‖ They said, ―Moses
allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.‖ And Jesus said to
them, ―Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the
beginning of creation, ‗God made them male and female.‘ ‗Therefore a man shall leave
his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.‘ So
they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man
separate.‖-Mk. 10:2-9

In the early days of Christ‘s ministry, John the Baptist compared his role to that of the best man 60
whose role is to assist the bridegroom [Jesus] in his ministry. John the Baptist serves as the link of the Old
Testament prophetic era to the New Testament‘s arrival of the Messiah. Therefore, ―in light of the OT
background where Israel is depicted as ‗the bride of Yahweh,‘ the Baptist is suggesting that Jesus is
Israel‘s awaited king and Messiah.‖61 John the Baptist‘s role comes into focus as the ―bridegroom‘s friend‖
who assists him in the completion of the wedding. Grant Osborne explains:

―To oversee most of the wedding details and lead the procession that brought the bride to
the groom‘s home for the ceremony. While the groom was the focus, the best man was
―simply glad to stand with him.‖ Behind this is also the imagery of Israel as the bride of

57 Mt. 5:17.
58 Douglas J. Moo, “Jesus and the authority of the Mosaic Law” Journal For The Study Of The New Testament vol.
20, (1984):28.
59 Rom. 8:22.
60 Jn. 3:27-30.
61 Andreas J. Köstenberger, “John,” in Commentary on the New Testament Use of the Old Testament. ed. G. K. Beale

and D. A. Carson (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2007), 437.

17
 Yahweh (Isa 62:4–5; Hos 2:16–20) and the Church as the bride of Christ (Eph 5:25–27;
Rev 21:2, 9). John the Baptist had handed God‘s people over to the Messiah and was
thrilled to do so.‖62

At the heart of Christ‘s ministry, Jesus likened his mission to that of a bridegroom and the
disciples the wedding guests.63 Jesus‘ analogy concerning the wedding guests supports the metaphor from
John the Baptist who recognizes himself as the ―best man‖ and Jesus the groom.64 Bower and Knapp adds
that ―Christ in love gives himself to establish a covenant relationship with his one bride. Christ‘s
atonement is seen as a betrothal gift. Christ‘s love cleanses and makes the bride worthy of him.‖65

The very first miracle that was performed by Jesus in John 2:1-11 where he changed water into
wine at the wedding in Cana presents a depiction of God marrying humanity. The miracle that took place
in the wedding is a ―crucial event in the story of the restoration of Israel because it is a dramatization of
God uniting with humanity.‖ 66 In reviewing the aforementioned Gospel of John, the plot is presented
―When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, ‗They have no wine.‘‖67 Wine in the Israelite
tradition is an important part of the wedding feast and its absence in the festivities would have social
consequences. ―Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings, each holding
twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus told them, ‗Fill the jars with water.‘ So they filled them to the brim. Then
he told them, ‗Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter.‘ So they took it.‖68 Jesus chooses to fill
the jars used for purification to reveal how he values the host‘s honor and dignity.69 The water placed in
the purification jars illustrate the tradition and prophets of the Old Testament and the transformation of
the water into wine is Jesus‘ revelation, a transformation of the old in the new.70

Since the Old Testament contained instances wherein water was used to display the power of
Yahweh,71 it is no coincidence that water was again used to demonstrate Jesus‘ first miracle. When Jesus
proclaimed at the last supper that the bread shared in the meal is to be his body and the wine to be his
blood, 72 the wine transformed from ordinary to the wine of salvation. This change echoes the
transformation of the water into wine at the feast of Cana and mirrors the transformation of the water into
blood at the time of Moses. With the transformation of water to wine to blood, Jesus lays out the master
plan of God wherein Jesus being the true bridegroom brings forth the wine of redemption for the coming
wedding: the true marriage between God and humanity.

Jesus used the metaphor of marriage in the parable of the bridesmaids wherein the wise
bridesmaids bring extra oil for their lamps to help them wait for the coming of the bridegroom 73. In

62 Grant R. Osborne, “The Gospel of John,” in Cornerstone Biblical Commentary. ed. Philip W. Comfort and Carol

Stream. (IL: Tyndale, 2007), 61.

63 Mt. 9:15-16; Mk. 2:19-20.
64 Jn. 3:29
65 R.K. Bower and G.L. Knapp, ‘Marriage’ in G.W. Bromiley (Gen Ed) The International Standard Bible

Encyclopaedia (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, vol. 3, 1986), 265

66 Rachel M. McGill, “God’s Getting Married: The Wedding at Cana as a Dramatization of Covenantal Fulfilment.”

The Hilltop Review 8 no.1 (2015):56

67 Jn. 2:3.
68 Jn. 2:6-8.
69 Craig S. Keener, The Gospel of John: A Commentary. Vol. 1.(Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003), 500.
70 Rudolf Schnackenburg,. The Gospel According to St. John. Vol. 1. (New York: Seabury Press, 1980), 333;

Schnackenburg refers wine as a symbol of eschatological fulfilment.

71 Gen. 7:6-8:5; Job 5:10, 12:15; Ex. 14:21, 27; Josh. 3:15-16.
72 Mt. 26:28; Mk. 14:24; Lk. 22:20.
73 Mt. 25:1-13.

18
another instance, Jesus insinuates the he is the bridegroom. In Luke, Jesus answered the accusations of the
Pharisees regarding the question why the apostles were not fasting:
“
They said to him, ―John‘s disciples often fast and pray, and so do the disciples of the
Pharisees, but yours go on eating and drinking.‖ Jesus answered, ―Can you make the
friends of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? But the time will come when the
bridegroom will be taken from them; in those days they will fast.‖74

While fasting is directed toward the preparation and strengthening of the spirit, with Jesus in the
midst of the apostles, there is no longer a need to fast for they are already with God.

This use of marital image in the Gospels is significant, because God‘s revelation is a person in
Jesus Christ who like the bridegroom longs to enter into a relationship with mankind and such God‘s
revelation draws man to know Jesus in that unique marital bond wherein he forms a supernatural, bridal
relationship with humanity.

II. Marriage in St. Paul’s Teaching

The apostle Paul portrays marriage in the same light as the Gospels where he presents Jesus as the
bridegroom and humanity the bride. He teaches that like Christ, husbands have to share the same love
and affection to their wives: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her
to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.‖75

David Williams explains that the washing by water is an allusion to the purification of the
individual in the Sacrament of Baptism which, in turn is a symbolic precursor to a union with Christ.76 In
his correspondences with the Church in Corinth, Paul once again uses marriage as an allegory to the union
of Christ and the Church wherein he presented his role to the Corinthians as either a father to the bride or
a friend of the bride whose duty is to present to the Corinthian faithful ―in marriage to one husband—to
present a pure virgin to Christ.‖77 Philip Hughes, explains the presentation of Paul as father of the bride:

―And as it is the father‘s right to give his daughter in marriage to an approved bridegroom,
so he, their spiritual father, had given them in betrothal to one husband, a Divine
Husband. The betrothal of a maiden implies purity and faithfulness; she is committed to
the one man to whom she is engaged to be married.‖78

Meanwhile, Alfred Edersheim gravitates toward the role of Paul as a friend of the bride rather
than the bride‘s father since it is more in tune with the Jewish practice in the New Testament times. He
states:

―In Judea there were at every marriage two groomsmen or ―friends of the bridegroom‖—
one for the bridegroom, the other for his bride. Before marriage, they acted as a kind of
intermediaries between the couple; at the wedding they offered gifts, waited upon the
bride and bridegroom, and attended them to the bridal chamber, being also, as it were, the

74 Lk. 5:33-35.
75 Eph. 5:25-27.
76 David J. William, Paul’s Metaphors: Their Context and Character. (Hendrickson Publishers, 2004), 54-55.
77 I Cor. 11:2.
78 Philip E. Hughes, The Second Epistle to the Corinthians. (NICOT; Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1962), 374.

19
 guarantors of the bride‘s virgin chastity. . . . he speaks, as it were, in the character of
groomsman or ―bridegroom‘s friend,‖ who had acted as such at the spiritual union of
Christ with the Corinthian Church. And we know that it was specially the duty of the
‗friend of the bridegroom‖ so to present to him his bride.‖79

Here, one can see how Paul views himself as a friend who won the Corinthian believers to Christ
and betrothed them to Him and is duty bound to present them as ―a pure virgin‖ to the groom.

In the letters to the Ephesians, the marriage metaphor once again surfaces, alluding the
relationship of Christ with the Church.80 The husband is advised to act as the head of the wife likened to
Christ as head of the Church, though this seeming rule of one over another is not a connotation of
leadership but rather of advocacy where the head guides the body for the benefit of all. This unity
between husband and wife results in the children being nurtured in an environment of security and self-
sacrificing love which flows out and touches all.

B. THEOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE OF MARRIAGE

I. St. Augustine: Proles, Fides, Sacramentum

Augustine, the bishop of Hippo in Africa, lived from 354 to 430 AD. Before becoming a well-
known doctor of the Church, he was once a Manichean who believed that the body was created by evil
and therefore also evil, though it holds a certain amount of goodness.81 After he converted to the Catholic
Faith and his eventual election as the Bishop of Hippo, he wrote several treatises on marriage wherein he
defines the good of marriage namely: fides, proles, and sacramentum—fidelity, procreation, and
sacrament. Fidelity refers to a man or woman remaining loyal and exclusive to their spouses; Procreation
refers to the introduction of children into the world where they are nurtured and educated in the Faith; and
Sacrament refers to the indissolubility of the union of spouses. These elements remain the basis of the
Church‘s teachings on marriage until the present time.82

Fides

Fides or fidelity is the good of marriage whereby the couple remains faithful to each other as well
as offer mutual service to each other. Augustine wrote: ―Furthermore, in performing their duty to each
other, even if this is claimed somewhat excessively and without restraint, husband and wife have a duty of
fidelity to each other.‖83

John Noonan believes that for Augustine, fides weighs heavier than proles which Augustine
derives from the writings of the apostle Paul where the Paul teaches that the couple should assist each
other and recognize that their bodies no longer belong to themselves but rather, to their spouses.84 The

79 Alfred Edersheim,. Sketches of Jewish Social Life in the Time of Christ. (Walking Lion Press, 2006), 153.
80 Eph. 5:21-33.
81 Garry Wills, Saint Augustine (New York: Penguin), 27-30; Noonan, John T. Jr. 1986. Contraception: A History of

Its Treatment by the Catholic Theologians and Canonists. (Cambridge: Belknap Press), 107-111. It was also stated that
since the body was evil, procreation was an evil act as it produced more evil into the world (pg. 111).
82 Fr. John J. Edersheim, O.F.M., Marriage and Mulieris Dignitatem. Ave Maria Law Review 8, no. 349 (2010): 356.
83 John T. Noonan, Jr., Contraception: A History of Its Treatment by the Catholic Theologians and Canonists.

(Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 1986), 127.

84 Ibid., 129.

20
acknowledgement that in marriage, one‘s body no longer belongs to one‘s self but rather belongs to the
spouse is to acknowledge surrendering one‘s self to another. This surrendering of self to each other gives
a sense of authority to the other that requires mutual trust and becomes the basis of fides. Though there
can be a danger of abuse of this authority, the couple then strives to achieve such fidelity and trust that
neither individual would want to abuse or cause harm. Karol Wojtyla, adds, that the couple must make a
―gift of self‖85 in the marriage: ―It is not enough for a woman and a man to give themselves to each other
in marriage. If each of these persons is simultaneously the property of the Creator, He also must give the
man to the woman and the woman to the man, or at any rate approve of the reciprocal gift of self implicit
in the institution of marriage‖86

Proles

Even though fides weighs heavier than proles, Agustine notes that proles, or procreation is the
first and foremost good of marriage because it necessitates the continuation of humanity: ―We can say
now that in that condition of being born and dying with which we are acquainted and in which we were
created, the union of man and woman is something of value.‖87

Augustine arrives at this conclusion not just for the continuation of the humanity but rather of the
propagation of Christianity itself.88 The importance of procreation in marriage is further explained by
Wojtyla and holds that procreation is the ―primary purpose of intercourse.‖89 Wojtyla‘s explanation of
the connection of marriage and parenthood reveals matrimony coming from the word matrimonuim which
highlights to role of motherhood and give precedence to matrimony preparing the couple for the duties of
parenthood90. These support the earlier analogy of Roland Teske when he mentioned that ―matrimony was,
of course so named because a woman ought to marry to become a mother 91 .‖ Wojtyla continues by
emphasizing that ―the birth of a child turns the union of man and woman based on the sexual relationship
into a family.‖92

In proles, Augustine cautions that since procreation is a vital good of marriage, couples should
only engage in intercourse for the sole purpose of procreation and if done outside this condition would
result in venial sin. Wojtyla lessens the impact of this impression of Augustine and says that instead of an
explicit desire for having a child, the couple must be ready for the possibility of parenthood:

―To say that intercourse is permissible and justified only on condition that the partners
hope to have a child as a result of it would be an exaggeratedly strict ethical position. It
would be at odds with the order of nature, which characteristically leaves the connection
between the sexual act and reproduction in particular marriages a matter of some
uncertainty.‖93

85 Adrian J. Reimers, Truth About the Good: Moral Norms in the Thought of John Paul II. (Ave Maria: Sapientia

Press, 2011), 219.

86 Karol Wojtyła, 1960. Love and Responsibility. Trans. Willetts, H.T. 1981 (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1993), 224.
87 Augustine, De Bono Conugiali, 3.3.
88 John T. Noonan, Jr., Contraception: A History of Its Treatment by the Catholic Theologians and Canonists.

(Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 1986), 127.

89 Karol Wojtyła,. 1960. Love and Responsibility. Willetts, H.T. trans. 1981. (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1993), 226.
90 Ibid.
91 Roland Teske, S.J., The Works of St. Augustine, A Translation for the 21 st Century: Answer to Faustus, a

Manichean. (Hyde Park, New York: New City Press, 2007), 257.
92 Ibid., 217.
93 Karol Wojtyła, 1960. Love and Responsibility. Willetts, H.T. trans. 1981. (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1993), 233.

21
 Albeit the recognition of proles as an important good in the married relationship, Augustine also
recognizes that while the relationship must be open to children, a marriage cannot become invalid if the
couple remains childless: ―The marriage bond remains, even if because of evident infertility no children
result, despite the fact that this was the reason for entering into the marriage.‖94

While procreation may be an important good of marriage, it is not the only good of marriage and
if the couple cannot bear any child it is not an excuse to sever the marriage. Wojtyla complements this
and continues stating that even though a child would make the marriage ―fuller‖ and leads the members to
become a family, a marriage without a child does not lose its character and retains its full value as an
institution.95

Sacramentum

Sacramentum asserts the indissolubility of marriage as well as the monogamous reality of the
married relationship. Augustine further explains that ―entering into the marriage contract is a matter of
such sacredness that it is not annulled by that separation.‖ 96

Augustine affirms marriage as something which is so sacred that it cannot be dissolved even by
physical separation in as much as even if the couple no longer live together. The marriage still binds them
so much that a second marriage would be considered adulterous.97 The Catechism of the Catholic Church
defines sacramentum as a ―visible sign of a hidden reality‖ wherein it connects to marriage seamlessly.
Jeremy Bergstrom believes that Augustine sees the sacrament of marriage as a ―spiritual reality that is
beyond it, and in which it participates.‖ 98 This spiritual reality is revealed to the couple through the
sacramentality of marriage where the couple is given a visible reminder of the union of Christ with His
Church.

Bergstrom continues by saying that Augustine sees sacramentum not as the result of fides and
proles but rather the redemption of fides and proles: ―So it is that the sacramentum of marriage reminds
us, through its signification of Christ united to the Church, to order rightly our marital fides, or faithful
friendship toward the good of mutually obtaining Christ with one‘s spouse‖

II. St. Thomas Aquinas: The Ends of Marriage

Marriage has always been an area wherein challenges and opportunities arise due to its nature as a
sacrament. Italian Dominican Doctor of the Church, Thomas Aquinas has greatly contributed to the
deeper understanding of marriage and its sacramentality. Rev. Fr. James P. Lyons accentuates Aquinas‘
contributions in the study of marriage stating:

―Saint Thomas and his school have perhaps done more than any other theologians to
clarify the structure of marriage and to indicate its place in the divine order of things…

94 Augustine, De Bono Conugiali, 15.17.

95 Karol Wojtyła, 1960. Love and Responsibility. Willetts, H.T. trans. 1981. (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1993), 218.
96 Augustine, De Bono Conugiali, 7.6.
97 Carol Harrison, Augustine: Christian Truth and Fractured Humanity. (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2006),

168.
98 Jeremy W. Bergstrom, The Great Sacrament of Augustinian Marriage: Furthering our Discussion over the TFSM.

(The Episcopal Diocese of Dallas, 2015), 6.

22
 But beyond this, Thomism has a special value in a study of marriage, and especially in a
study of the philosophical note of the essential structure of marriage. For Thomism is,
par excellence, [quoting Gilson] ‗the theology of the natural‘‖99

Aquinas usually treats the sacraments systematically where he identified the matter, form,
minister and effect of each sacrament. Meanwhile, Aquinas slightly deviates from this approach in his
discussion of marriage where he presents marriage according to the three goods mentioned by Augustine
namely, proles, fides, and sacramentum. Through these distinctions, Aquinas was able to present the
potential and limitations of marriage at the natural and spiritual level. With the approach to marriage
according to essence, cause and effect, Aquinas mirrors Augustine where in essence, he states, is the
union or conjoining of a man and woman100 [sacramentum], the cause is the consent of the spouses101
[fides], and the effect is the child [proles]102

―Thus, therefore, matrimony has three goods. The first is that it is a function of nature in
the sense that it is ordered to the production and education of offspring; and this good is
the good of offspring. The second good is that it is a remedy for desire, which is
restricted to a definite person; and this good is called fidelity, which a man preserves
toward his wife, by not going to another woman, and similarly the wife toward the
husband. The third good is called the sacrament, inasmuch as it signifies the union of
Christ and the Church, as it says in Ephesians (5:32): ―This mystery [sacrament] is a
profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.‖‖103

Though it may seem that Aquinas would merely echo the teachings of Augustine with regard to
marriage, Aquinas would order these goods into a more systematic and compressed idea. With his belief
that every being is ordained toward God and participates in his ultimate goodness, Aquinas presents a
different perspective on marriage emphasizing its ends.

In Summa Contra Gentiles, Aquinas elaborates how God places order in creation and within each
creature. Each order of being follows a certain end which, in turn is directed to God. It is in this premise
that man was endowed with the ultimate order to seek and achieve a certain level of happiness that leads
him toward God, his absolute end. Aquinas believes that since man is a rational creature, he can identify
things that can make him happy and thus, pursue them, seeing them as ―ends and goods.‖ The difference
however, in ends and goods according to Aquinas, relies on the ―will‖ naturally siding with the aspect of
the good. Though some goods are constitutive of human nature and thus, merely seen as objective goods
e.g., seeking friendship, ―ends‘ are actions that are chosen as the objects of the actions. With this search
for ends and goods present in man, Aquinas believes that it cascades to marriage, giving it a certain
rational order, as a person is naturally inclined to choose certain ends, like procreation which in turn
fosters the preservation of humanity.

99 James P. Lyons, The Essential Structure of Marriage: A Study of the Thomistic Teaching on the Natural

Institution (Catholic University of America Press, Washington D.C., 1950).

100 In IV Sent., D. 27, q. 1, a. 1, qc. 1 and 2. Cf. also Summa Contra Gentiles, lib. IV, cap. 78, paragraph 2.
101 In IV Sent., D. 27, q. 1, art. 2.
102 In IV Sent., D. 27, q. 1, a. 1, qc 2.
103 Super I Epistolam B. Pauli ad Corinthios lectura Commentary, On the First Epistle to the Corinthians, Saint

Thomas Aquinas, 318. Translated by Fabian Larcher, O.P. Html-edited by Joseph Kenny, O.P.
http://dhspriory.org/thomas/SS1Cor.htm#71 Thomas, Daniel A. Keating, and Fabian R. Larcher. Commentary on
Colossians.(Naples, Fla: Sapientia Press, 2006).

23
 The Procreative End: The Good of the Offspring

For Thomas Aquinas, the good of marriage namely, proles does not merely pertain to the
continuation of the species but rather, a more meaningful one or as he would call bonum prolis: the
education of children: ―First, as concerns its principal end, which is the good of offspring: for nature does
not intend only their generation, but their upbringing, and their advancement to the perfect state of man as
man, which is the state of virtue.‖104

For Aquinas, the upbringing of the child forms the core of the married relationship and ensures
the fidelity and indissolubility of marriage on a natural level. It requires adults to guide and nurture their
children until they reach maturity which in turn obliges the adults to stay to help each other in the shared
task of raising their children. This upbringing of the child goes beyond the biological dimension of
marriage. Aquinas presents this when he cited the marriage of Mary and Joseph wherein the two were
united for life for the sake of raising Jesus. 105 Though there was no consummation present in their
relationship, Mary and Joseph remained husband and wife not only as a formality but as an actual reality
which shaped the developmental years of Jesus.

Aquinas was not merely looking at proles on the scale of societal benefits like increased birth
rates for the welfare of society but more of a common good wherein it is a collection of goods. To simply
put it, for Aquinas, the aim of proles is not for the sake of producing children but rather for the sake of
producing adults who do not only add to the continuation of humanity but the building of the Body of
Christ. The more adults who are raised in virtue, the more a community becomes the Body of Christ: ―A
child is not called the good of marriage only because he is generated through marriage, but also inasmuch
as he is accepted and educated in marriage; and thus, the good of this marriage was a child, but not in the
first way‖106

―marriage was chiefly instituted for the good of offspring, not only their generation, since
this can happen without marriage, but also their upbringing to the perfect state: since
everything naturally intends its effect to arrive at its perfect state. But in children a two-
fold perfection must be considered: first, the perfection of nature not only as to the body,
but also the soul, through those things which are of natural law; second, the perfection of
grace.‖ 107

The Unitive End: Shared fate and fortune

According to Aquinas, ―marriage does not only occur among men for the procreation and
nurturing of children but also for the consortium of a shared life for the sake of sharing the labors.‖108
With the idea of ―shared life‖ in mind, Aquinas presents that the second end of marriage supports the first
end wherein the parents seek to store up treasures for their children who are their ―common good‖:

―marriage by the intention of nature is ordered to the education of children, not only for a
certain time, but for the entire life of the children. For which reason it is from natural law
that parents store up treasure for their children, and children are the heirs of their parents.
Therefore, since children are a common good of the husband and wife, it is necessary for

104 In IV Sent., D. 26, Q. 1, Art. 1.

105 In IV Sent., D. 30, Q. 2, art. 2, ad 4.
106 Ibid.
107 In IV Sent., D. 39, Q. 2, art. 2, ad 4
108 In IV Sent. D. 31, Q. 1, Art. 2, obj 1.

24
 their association to remain undivided forever according to the dictates of the law of
nature.‖109

By using the phrase ―common good‖, Aquinas emphasizes the cooperation of the couple in
rearing the child and how it endures in their lifetime. Beth Mortensen elaborates this analogy of Aquinas
by saying:

―As the common good of his parents, the child is equally the good of both: he comes
from both equally and grows under their shared attention. If the parents‘ shared life is one
of virtue, the child‘s inheritance will be his education in virtue. This working together to
bestow on the child the legacy of a life lived well, shows us how the unitive and
procreative ends of marriage are more deeply interwoven than distinct.‖110

III. Marriage in the teachings of the Second Vatican Council

Before, marriage was viewed, interpreted and taught by theologians, priests and religious in a
manner that lacks the participation of married couples and thus, would seem separated from the reality of
everyday married life. In the teachings of the Second Vatican Council, the Church sought to remedy this
situation by grounding marriage and nourishing it through the insights of committed married couples.
This can be seen in the actions of Blessed Paul VI when he appointed married individuals and couples to
help him formulate Humanae Vitae. For him, he recognized the need of the Church to acknowledge the
experiences and insights of people who live in the reality of marriage and family, and witness everyday
the values, difficulties and triumphs of marital life.

As Vatican II stressed the biblical understanding of marriage as a covenant through setting aside
the juridical view and putting into light the personal dimension of conjugal love and life, it also makes
way for the development of the spirituality of marriage as it allows the interpretation of marriage in the
life of faith as an encounter with God through marriage‘s human experience of struggle and triumph.

Reintroducing Marriage as a Covenant

It is known that one of the considered achievements of the Second Vatican Council is in the
introduction of new reflections on marriage as a covenant. Vatican II in the Pastoral Constitution on the
Church and the Modern world (Gaudium et Spes) specifically nos. 48-52, sought to root marriage in
sacred agreement and covenantal relationship:

―For as God of old made Himself present to His people through a covenant of love and
fidelity, so now the Saviour of men and the Spouse of the Church comes into with them
thereafter so that just as He loved the Church and handed Himself over on her behalf, the
spouses may love each other with perpetual fidelity through mutual self-bestowal.
Authentic married love is caught up into divine love and is governed and enriched by
Christ‘s redeeming power and the saving activity of the Church, so that this love may
lead the spouses to God with powerful effect and may aid and strengthen them in sublime
office of being a father or a mother. For this reason Christian spouses have a special

109
In IV Sent. D. 33, Q. 2, Art. 1.
110
Beth M. Mortensen, The Relation of the Juridical and Sacramental in Matrimony according to Thomas Aquinas.
(Fribourg, Switzerland, Fribourg University, 2012), 28.

25
 sacrament by which they are fortified and receive a kind of consecration in the duties and
dignity of their state.‖ -GS no. 48

The Dogmatic Constitution on the Church Lumen Gentium also adds to the covenantal nature of
marriage when it stated that ―Christian spouses, in virtue of the sacrament of matrimony… signify and
partake of the mystery of that unity and fruitful love which exists between Christ and his Church.‖ 111 The
Perspective of the covenant though is no longer a new topic was still not properly given exposure
throughout the centuries since society tended to focus more on the legalistic aspect of marriage rather than
the covenantal relationship that occurs between the husband and wife. Vatican II reintroduced this
dimension of marriage as well as putting emphasis on the personal character of married life when it stated
that ―the intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and qualified by
His laws, and is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal consent.‖112

Reintroducing Marriage and its Spirituality

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines sacraments as ―sign and instruments.‖ 113 This
definition is lifted from the teachings of Lumen Gentium no. 1 which states that ―the Church is in Christ
like a sacrament or as a sign and instrument both of a very close knit union with God and of the unity of
the whole human race.‖ Through this, marriage can be seen as a participation of the spouses in the
relationship with God which acts like an echo of the Trinitarian relationship as well as Yahweh‘s
relationship with humanity. Besides this relationship with God, marriage connects the couples in a
binding relationship and through this relationship realized within the sacrament of marriage, it creates a
powerful and efficacious sign of the real presence of God. To simply put it, the conjugal love that is
shared by the couple manifests God‘s real presence in their marriage. The Synod of Bishops‘ Lineamenta
explains this:

―In the Incarnation, he [Christ] assumes human love, purifies it and brings it to
fulfillment and gives to the spouses, with his Spirit, the capacity to live that love,
permeating every part of their lives of faith, hope and charity. In this way, the bride and
groom are, so to speak, consecrated and, through his grace, they build up the Body of
Christ and are a domestic church (cf. Lumen Gentium, 11), so that the Church, in order
fully to understand her mystery, looks to the Christian family, which manifests her in a
real way‖ (Instrumentum Laboris, 4).‖-Lineamenta, 16

Part of the conjugal love shared by the couple is sexuality and sexual intimacy. Throughout the
centuries, the intimate union of the husband and wife has been construed only as a physical requirement
in marriage. By allowing a positive valuation of sexuality and sexual intimacy, Vatican II shifts the focus
on the relationships that take place in marriage: Between husband and wife, between the couple and God.
Vatican II asserts:

―Where the intimacy of married life is broken off, its faithfulness can sometimes be
imperilled and its quality of fruitfulness ruined, for then the upbringing of the children
and the courage to accept new one are both endangered, … The sexual characteristics of

111 Documents of the Second Vatican Council, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church: Lumen Gentium (hereunto

referred as LG). (Pauline Books & Media, 1965) no. 11.

112 Documents of the Second Vatican Council, Pastoral Constitution of the Church in the Modern World: Gaudium

et Spes (hereunto referred as GS), no. 48.

113 CCC, no. 774.

26
 man and the human faculty of reproduction wonderfully exceed the dispositions of lower
forms of life.‖ –GS, 51

Martin Linter describes this creative collaboration of the couple and God when he said: ―In
conceiving a child there is always a surplus, an excess of creative power that exceeds human capacity. It
is a manifestation how persons participate in God‘s creative force and – at the same time – how God uses
human action to be effectively present in the world. Every single human being can be seen as an
expression of a fundamental affirmation, as fruit of a primary love, even if the act of conceiving itself
may not always be such an expression of mutual love between the sexual partners or of their desire to
have a child.‖114

No longer is sexuality seen as something to be regulated but rather as a gift from God for the
husband and wife to appreciate. Gaudium et Spes believes that the sexual relationship of the spouses is
also an avenue wherein God is found. The sexual surrender and exclusivity of the couple to each other
manifest God‘s influence in their married life:

―The actions within marriage by which the couple are united intimately and chastely are
noble and worthy ones. Expressed in a manner which is truly human, these actions
promote that mutual self-giving by which spouses enrich each other with a joyful and a
ready will. Sealed by mutual faithfulness and hallowed above all by Christ's sacrament,
this love remains steadfastly true in body and in mind, in bright days or dark. It will never
be profaned by adultery or divorce. Firmly established by the Lord, the unity of marriage
will radiate from the equal personal dignity of wife and husband, a dignity acknowledged
by mutual and total love. The constant fulfillment of the duties of this Christian vocation
demands notable virtue. For this reason, strengthened by grace for holiness of life, the
couple will painstakingly cultivate and pray for steadiness of love, large heartedness and
the spirit of sacrifice.‖ –GS, 49

The sexual desire of the couple for each other permeates the longing to love and to be accepted
and through the fruition of this desire, the couple finds that they are in turn loved and accepted by God.
They also come to realize that this desire also gives fulfilment in being able to satisfy their spouse and
grant pleasure as a gift to their spouse. With this vision of the intimate relationship that exists in marriage,
the Church recognizes marital life as an effective sign and instrument of God wherein His love and grace
is present and experienced both in the relationship between husband and wife and in their role of
conceiving and raising a child.

AMORIS LAETITIA

Amoris Laetitia, or ―The Joy of Love‖ is the apostolic exhortation of Pope Francis on the ―Synods
of the Family‖ that met in the falls of 2014 and 2015. The document relays the great expectations and
concerns of the future of the family in the Catholic Church as presented by the pope‘s reflections on the
said synods. With the words: ―The joy of love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church‖115
Francis recognizes that marriage is still at the very heart of the Church in the modern world and that the
challenges faced by marriage and the family must be addressed in the light of the faith:

114 Martin M. Lintner, The Spirituality of Marriage after the Second Vatican Council. Melita Theologica 65
(2015):107.
115 Francis, Amoris Laetitia:the Joy of Love: Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation of Pope Francis (hereunto

referred as AL). (Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, CCCB, 2016) no. 1.

27
 ―The Synod process allowed for an examination of the situation of families in today‘s
world, and thus for a broader vision and a renewed awareness of the importance of
marriage and the family. The complexity of the issues that arose revealed the need for
continued open discussion of a number of doctrinal, moral, spiritual, and pastoral
questions.‖-AL, 2

The exhortation starts gradually and then builds to a crescendo in chapters 4 and 5 wherein
Francis notes as the central part of the document is concerning love. Chapters 1 to 3 lay the foundation of
preparing for the discussion of love.116 Here, Francis, extols the love of the couple: ―The couple that loves
and begets life is a true, living icon – not an idol like those of stone or gold prohibited by the Decalogue –
capable of revealing God the Creator and Saviour. For this reason, fruitful love becomes a symbol of
God‘s Inner life.‖ –AL, 11

Through this discussion of love, the joy of family life and experience of God allows the love of
the couple for each other to become prevalent and that even though the family faces many difficult
challenges and hurdles, the family continues to give witness to unconditional love and sacrifice:

―I thank God that many families, which are far from considering themselves perfect, live
in love, fulfil their calling and keep moving forward, even if they fall many times along
the way. The Synod‘s reflections show us that there is no stereo-type of the ideal family,
but rather a challenging mosaic made up of many different realities, with all their joys,
hopes and problems.‖-AL, 57

The central chapters share a beautiful exposition of love in all of its forms. Chapter 4 presents the
many faces of love as lifted from the Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians117. Chapter 5 then shifts the
focus on the procreative dimension of the married life and the role of the couple in the family. After the
first five chapters, the document shifts to pastoral concerns and encourages ―a responsible personal and
pastoral discernment of particular cases.‖118 The document goes on to say:

―Our teaching on marriage and the family cannot fail to be inspired and transformed by
this message of love and tenderness; otherwise, it becomes nothing more than the defence
of a dry and lifeless doctrine.‖ –AL, 59 ―But I sincerely believe that Jesus wants a Church
attentive to the goodness which the Holy Spirit sows in the midst of human weakness, a
Mother who, while clearly expressing her objective teaching, ―always does what good
she can, even if in the process, her shoes get soiled by the mud of the street.‖ –AL, 308

Throughout the document, Francis recognizes the ―complexity of the contemporary family‖ 119
with the analysis of the current conditions affecting the family and at the same time stressing that there is
no single response that would prove to be the only solution. He argues that the Church has not always
been supported by family due to being content to ―simply decrying present-day evils‖120 and seeking ―to
impose rules by sheer authority‖121. But despite the reality of the current relationship that the Church and

116 Chapter one presents the Scriptures, Chapter two shows the experiences of the modern family, and Chapter
three lays the doctrine. This approach of Francis gives way to the three pillared groundwork for marriage and family
rooted in the Word of God, the world today and Church doctrine.
117 I Cor. 13:4-7.
118 AL, 300
119 Ibid., 2
120 Ibid., 35
121 Ibid., 6

28
the family face, Francis still finds it as a real ground for hope and truth to which the Church must
proclaim. He drives home the point when he said:

―The word of God tells us that ―the one who hates his brother is in the darkness, and
walks in the darkness‖ (1 Jn 2:11); such a person ―abides in death‖ (1 Jn 3:14) and ―does
not know God‖ (1 Jn 4:8). My predecessor Benedict XVI pointed out that ―closing our
eyes to our neighbour also blinds us to God‖, and that, in the end, love is the only light
which can ―constantly illuminate a world grown dim‖. If only we ―love one another, God
abides in us and his love is perfected in us‖ (1 Jn 4:12). Since ―the human person has an
inherent social dimension‖, and ―the first and basic expression of that social dimension of
the person is the married couple and the family‖, spirituality becomes incarnate in the
communion of the family. Hence, those who have deep spiritual aspirations should not
feel that the family detracts from their growth in the life of the Spirit, but rather see it as a
path which the Lord is using to lead them to the heights of mystical union.‖ –AL, 316

The document continues on with themes on gender equality; the parallel between Trinitarian and
familial communion; the relationship between work, poverty and nature; the deft handling of
contraception; erotic love in married life; celibacy and virginity and spirituality of the family. In chapter 8
of the document, it challenges the Church to accompany the weak, discern with them and to integrate
them into the Church. Francis teaches that merciful love will heal, deepen and elevate all we do and from
there we will see, know and love as God. ―We cannot forget that ―mercy is not only the working of the
Father; it becomes a criterion for knowing who his true children are. In a word, we are called to show
mercy because mercy was first shown to us‖. –AL, 310

29
 BIBLIOGRAPHY

Carroll, Robert Paris. From Chaos to Covenant. 1981.

Edersheim, Alfred. Sketches of Jewish Social Life: in the Time of Christ. Waking Lion Press. 2006.

Gaudium Et Spes. Typis Polyglottis Vaticanis. 1964.

Harrison, Carol. Augustine: Christian Truth and Fractured Humanity. Oxford University Press. 2006.

Henry, Matthew, et al. An Exposition of the Old and New Testament. Haswell, Barrington, and Haswell,
1838.

Isaakson, Abel and Tomkinson, Neil. Marriage and Ministry in the New Temple. A Study with Special
Reference to Mt. 19. 13-12 and 1. Cor. 11. 3-16. (Translated by Neil Tomkinson.). Lund; Ejnar
Munksgaard: Copenhagen, 1965.

St. John Paul II. Familiaris Consortio: the Christian Family in the Modern World. Catholic Truth Society,
1981.

Keller, John D. Jesus‟ Doctrine of Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage. Infinity Publishing. 2014.

Noonan, John T. Contraception: a History of Its Treatment by the Catholic Theologians and Canonists.
Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 1986.

Solomon, Norman. Historical Dictionary of Judaism. Rowman & Littlefield, 2015.

Second Vatican Council. Dogmatic Constitution on the Church: Lumen Gentium. Pauline Books &
Media, 1965.

Reimers, Adrian J. Truth about the Good: Moral Norms in the Thought of John Paul II. Sapientia Press of
Ave Maria University, 2011.

Rotelle, John E., and Roland J. Teske. The Works of St. Augustine. A Translation for the 21st Century.:
Answer to The Pelegians, IV: To the Monks of Hadrumetum and Provence. New City Press, 1999.

Werblowsky, Raphael Jehudah Zwi., and Geoffrey Bernard Wigoder. The Oxford Dictionary of the
Jewish Religion. Oxford University Press, 1997.

Williams, David John. Paul's Metaphors: Their Context and Character. Hendrickson Publishers, 2004.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church. Paulines Publications Africa, 1992.

30
THE CHRISTIAN DIMENSION OF MARRIAGE

To give a background on the status of marriages in the Philippines, here are some figures in the year
2016 according to Philippine Statistics Authority: (release date 02-26-18)

Data on marriages presented in this release were obtained from the Certificates of Marriage
(Municipal Form No. 97). They were registered at the Office of the City/Municipal Civil
Registrars throughout the country and forwarded to the Philippine Statistics Authority.

In a span of 10 years, the reported number of marriages decreased by 14.4 percent from 2007 to
2016. However, the number of registered marriages showed a generally decreasing trend from
2007 to 2016, but with speed of decrease varying for figures 2007-2012, 2012-2016 with shifts in
level in 2009, 2012 and in 2015.

Highest number of marriages in CALABARZON: In 2016, Region IV-A recorded the highest
number of registered marriages, which accounted for 13.0 percent of the total marriages. It was
followed by National Capital Region (NCR) (12.7%) and Region III (11.8%) with the rank
second and third, respectively. These regions were consistently in the top three for the past five
years. Furthermore, Region V showed the highest percent change of increase (1.8%) from 2015 to
2016. On the other hand, NCR had the highest percent change of decrease (13.0%).

Most number of couples married in April: The top three months with recorded high number of
marriages in 2016 occurred in April (52,587 or 12.5%), February (12.3%) and May (10.8%). But
November was the least liked month for marriage, recording the lowest number of 20,875
marriages or 5 percent.

Women married younger than men: The median age of the women that got married in 2016 was
two years lower than the median age of their male counterparts. This was consistently observed in
the past three years.

Most brides married between ages 20-24 years: About one-third of the brides married at age
group 20-24 (139,067 or 33.1%) while grooms at age group 25-29 (149,187 or 35.6%).
Meanwhile, marriages involving teenage brides were four times more than teenage grooms. It
was also observed that there were some marriages involving adolescents under 15 years old.

Four out of ten marriages contracted through civil rites: There were 1,147 marriages
solemnized daily through different types of ceremony. Of the total marriages in 2016, 41.6
percent were contracted through civil rites. Others were either officiated in the Roman Catholic
Church (37.5%), or performed in Muslim tradition (1.2%) or tribal ceremony (0.7%) and other
religious rites (19.0%). It could be noted that more brides and grooms aged 25-29 preferred to be
solemnized in the Roman Catholic Church than any other types of marriage ceremony.

Filipino brides and grooms also marry other nationalities: There were 404,556 marriages
(96.4%) between Filipino grooms and Filipino brides while 15,072 (3.6%) involved foreign
nationals. Among foreign nationals, the highest frequency of intermarriages involved Filipino
grooms and Australians (317) followed by Americans (279), Canadians (162) and Chinese brides
(157). On the other hand, the highest numbers of intermarriages were between Filipino brides and
American grooms (3,081). Other foreign nationals who married Filipino brides were Japanese
(1,585), Australian (925), British (862), Korean (781) and Canadian (769).

31
 Based on the data presented above, the Philippine Church serves as a modern-day prophet in
preserving and protecting Filipino marriages and families. With its decreasing number of couples who are
getting married and do not believe in the sanctity of marriage, it is every Christian‘s mission to uphold the
message of the Gospel and the teachings of the Church. As one enters into married life, he/she has the
purpose of sharing in the same mission of Christ in building the Kingdom of God and creating a world
full of love, peace and hope. The Catholic Bishops‘ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) concretizes its
mission by expressing its stance against the House of Representatives‘ Committee on Population and
Family Relations that unanimously approved the proposed legislation entitled an ―Act Instituting
Absolute Divorce in the Philippines.‖

The CBCP‘s Episcopal Commission on Family and Life, chaired by Archbishop Gilbert A. Garcera,
issued a pastoral statement last February 23, 2018 condemning the proposed divorce bill. The pastoral
letter stressed the following:

That marriage is an ―inviolable social institution‖ – the foundation of the family –

which shall be protected by the state as enshrined in the Constitution.

―Children deserve a home where love, faithfulness, and forgiveness reign. In

particular, they don‘t want to see their parents quit because there are difficulties in
their relationship.‖

―The sight of their parents persevering together will always remain with them
especially when they will have their own families.‖

Referring to marriage, that ―what God has joined together, no human being must
separate.‖

I. MARRIAGE IS A VOCATION

The Second Vatican Council teaches that ―all Christians in whatever state or walk of life are called to
the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection of charity.‖122 Our call, whether to married life, single
blessedness, priesthood or religious life, is a way of exemplifying the universal call to holiness bestowed
on us in the Sacrament of Baptism. As taken from the letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians: ―All those who
are baptized are saints, that is, they have all been raised to the sphere of God‘s holiness.‖ 123 We have our
unique response to the Lord who draws us back to Him and invites us: ―Come, follow me.‖124

―The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the
hand of the Creator.‖125 ―God who created man out of love also calls him/her to love the fundamental and
innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is
himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the
absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man.‖126

―Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone
through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes.‖127 ―It is in reality the

122Lumen Gentium 40.

123 1 Corinthians 1:2, 30; 6:11
124 Matthew 4:19
125 Catechism of the Catholic Church 1603.
126 Ibid 1604.
127 Ibid 1603.

32
wise and provident institution of God the Creator, whose purpose was to effect in man His loving design.
Husband and wife, through that mutual gift of themselves, which is specific and exclusive to them alone,
develop that union of two persons in which they perfect one another, cooperating with God in the
generation and rearing new lives.‖128

―Marriage is a vocation. It is a response to a specific call to experience conjugal love as an imperfect

sign of the love between Christ and the Church.‖129 As Paul explains in his letter to the Ephesians, ―Christ
loved the Church so much that He gave His life for her.‖ 130 This understanding of love led Him to
embrace an excruciating death on the cross. Marital life certainly shares in the Paschal Mystery of Christ,
which calls for sacrificial love. Man and woman accept each other, as ―they promise a total self-giving,
faithfulness and openness to new life. The couple recognizes these elements as constitutive of marriage,
gifts offered to them by God, and take seriously their mutual commitment, in God‘s name and in the
presence of the Church.‖131

II. CONTRACT

Marriage as a contract is based on an agreement between a man and a woman to become husband and
wife. This permanent union adheres and protects the sanctity of their life-long relationship. As stated in
the Family Code of the Philippines:―Marriage is a special contract of permanent union between a man and
a woman entered into in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life. It is the
foundation of the family and an inviolable social institution whose nature, consequences, and incidents
are governed by law and not subject to stipulation by the spouses.‖132

Looking at its nature, it ought to be governed by laws and regulations. ―The contract establishes
between the parties a social or domestic relationship, that of husband and wife; the obligations arising
from there do not come from the parties, but are the creations of law.‖133 The contracting parties do not
set the terms of the agreement that established their conjugal and family life nor could they terminate the
contract at will. It is the state that protects marriage and reserves to itself the right to void or render
voidable the contract.

In the Encyclical letter of Pope Pius XI on Christian Marriage Casti Connubii, he highlighted that
―matrimony was not instituted or restored by man but by God; not by man were the laws made to
strengthen and confirm and elevate it but by God, the Author of nature, and by Christ Our Lord by Whom
nature was redeemed, and hence, these laws cannot be subject to any human decrees or to any contrary
pact even of the spouses themselves.‖134

However, the free will of both man and woman plays a pivotal role. Marriage, in the same way, arises
from the free consent of each of the spouses. ―And this free act of the will, by which each party hands
over and accepts those rights proper to the state of marriage. This freedom regards the question whether
the contracting parties really wish to enter upon matrimony or to marry this particular person; but the
nature of matrimony is entirely independent of the free will of man, so that if one has once contracted
matrimony he is thereby subject to its divinely made laws and its essential properties.‖135

128 Humanae Vitae, 8

129 Amoris Laetitia, 72.
130 Ephesians 5:25.
131 Relatio Synodi 2014, 21.
132 Executive No. 209. July 6, 1987. The Family Code of the Philippines.
133 Artemio A. Baluma, 1990. Void and Voidable Marriages in the Family Code and their parallels in Canon Law.
134 Casti Connubii, 5.
135 Casti Connubii, 6.

33
 The matrimonial consent is an indispensable element in the validity of the marriage contract. ―The
Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be indispensable elements that make the
marriage. If consent is lacking there is no marriage.‖136 ―It consists in a human act by which the partners
mutually give themselves to each other: ―I take you to be my wife‖- ―I take you to be my husband.‖ This
consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in two becoming one flesh.‖ 137 ―The
priest (or deacon) who assists at the celebration of marriage receives the consent of the spouses in the
name of the Church and gives the blessing of the Church. The presence of the Church's minister (and also
of the witnesses) visibly expresses the fact that marriage is an ecclesial reality.‖138

―The marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded
and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the
free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable,
and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God's fidelity. The Church does not have the power to
contravene this disposition of divine wisdom.‖139

III. COVENANT

―The Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: "It is not good that
the man should be alone." (Gen. 2:18) The woman, "flesh of his flesh," his equal, his nearest in all things,
is given to him by God as a "helpmate"; she thus represents God from whom comes our help. "Therefore
a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24)
The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the
plan of the Creator had been "in the beginning": "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. (Mt. 19:6)"140

In the Jewish tradition, ―covenants are established by making an oath—an oath that creates kinship
between the two who are making the covenant. The Hebrew word for ‗oath‘ is „shevah,‘ meaning ‗to
seven oneself.‘ In Gen 21:27 31, Abraham makes a treaty with Abimelech using seven ewe lambs, and
they called the place „Beersheva,‟ which means, ‗the place of the oath‘ or ‗the well of the sevens.‘ If you
do not have an oath, you don't have a covenant.‖141

The covenant of love between God and His people is an essential part of the Revelation and faith
experience of Israel. God took the initiative to establish that relationship: ―I will be your God, and you
will be my people.‖142 In the course of history, despite the stubbornness of heart of the Israelites, He
endures in His love and remains faithful to His promise of salvation. He established a new covenant by
sending His only begotten Son. ―The communion between God and His people finds its definitive
fulfillment in Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom who loves and gives Himself as the Savior of humanity,
uniting it to Himself as His body.‖143 By means of Baptism, man and woman are definitively set within
the new and eternal covenant, in the spousal covenant of Christ with the Church. ―And it is because of
this indestructible insertion that the intimate community of conjugal life and love, founded by the

136 Catechism of the Catholic Church 1626.

137 Ibid 1627.
138 Ibid 1630.
139 Ibid 1640.
140 Ibid 1605.
141 David Kyle Foster. Covenant: The Heart of the Marriage Mystery
142 Genesis 17:1
143 Familiaris Consortio, 13.

34
Creator,‖144 is elevated and assumed into the spousal charity of Christ, sustained and enriched by His
redeeming power.

A marriage covenant, therefore, is more than a mere contractual agreement. It is based on the personal
commitment and total giving of oneself to someone whom you‘ve made a pact. This covenantal love is to
be found in man and woman united in marriage which constitutes a special union, a life-long relationship.

IV. CELEBRATION

Marriage is a celebration of love that should be open for all. It is like the wedding Feast of the Lamb
wherein everyone is invited to come for a joyous celebration: ―Blessed are those who are called to the
supper of the Lamb.‖145 Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, is illustrated as a bridegroom joining himself to
his bride, the Church. The priest at the Mass more clearly echoes this angelic invitation to the heavenly
wedding feast. In a sense, we are receiving a wedding invitation.

―In the Latin Rite the celebration of marriage between two Catholic faithful normally
takes place during Holy Mass, because of the connection of all the sacraments with the
Paschal mystery of Christ. In the Eucharist the memorial of the New Covenant is
realized, the New Covenant in which Christ has united himself for ever to the Church, his
beloved bride for whom he gave himself up. It is therefore fitting that the spouses should
seal their consent to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives
by uniting it to the offering of Christ for his Church made present in the Eucharistic
sacrifice, and by receiving the Eucharist so that, communicating in the same Body and
the same Blood of Christ, they may form but "one body" in Christ.‖146

Marriage is a public declaration of the couple‘s love-commitment before God and the Church. As the
man and the woman enter into this definitive stage of their married life, the Church requires a set of
ecclesiastical and liturgical form to make certain its validity. The Catechism of the Catholic Church
expounds on why the Church requires that the faithful contract marriage according to ecclesiastical form:

―Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be

celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church. Marriage introduces one into an
ecclesiastical order, and creates rights and duties in the Church between spouses towards
the children. Since marriage is a state of life in the Church, certainly it is necessary
(hence, the obligation to have witnesses). The public character of the consent protects the
―I do‖ once given, and helps the spouses to remain faithful to it.‖147

This requires the bride and the groom to express willfully and publicly their matrimonial consent to
have each other before the presence of an officiating priest and witnesses: ―In the Name of God, I take
you to be my wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer,
for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my
solemn vow.‖

144 Gadium et Spes, 48.

145 Revelation 19:9.
146 Catechism of the Catholic Church 1621.
147 Ibid.,1631.

35
 V. SACRAMENT

―On the threshold of his public life Jesus performs his first sign - at his mother's request - during a
wedding feast. The Church attaches great importance to Jesus' presence at the wedding at Cana. She sees
in it the confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that henceforth marriage will be
an efficacious sign of Christ's presence.‖148 He dwells with the married couple, gives them the strength to
take up their crosses and follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear
one another's burdens, to ‗be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,‘ 149 and to love one
another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love.150 In the joys of their love and family life he gives
them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb.

―How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an
offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? How wonderful the bond
between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They
are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in
one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit.‖151

Marriage, like the other six ritual sacraments of the Catholic Church, is a sign or symbol that reveals
the Mystery of Jesus Christ and through which His divine life and love are communicated to us human
beings. This arose from the ministry that was instituted by Christ. It was entrusted to the Church to be
celebrated in one Baptism within and for the faithful. God‘s love becomes present to the couple in their
sacramental union. By their permanent, faithful and exclusive giving to each other, the couple unveils the
unconditional love of God. Their married life becomes sacramental to the extent that the couple shares
with God‘s salvific action and serves as living witness of Christ in the ordinary and concrete way.

―The Apostle Paul makes clear when he says: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church
and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her," adding at once: "'For this reason a man shall
leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. This is a great
mystery, in reference to Christ and the Church."152

―The Church teaches that there are two effects of marriage: the indissoluble marital bond and the
grace of the sacrament proper to the married state of life.‖153 Sacrament effects grace when God shares
the divine life with the husband and wife and gives them the strength to keep on despite its odds and
adversities. The grace also gives help to be lovingly faithful to each other and to be responsible parents to
their children. As Blessed Pope Paul VI states: ―By it [the Sacrament of Matrimony] husband and wife are
strengthened and…consecrated for the faithful accomplishment of their proper duties, for the carrying out
of their proper vocation even to perfection, and the Christian witness which is proper to them before the
whole world.‖154

Suggested activities:

The class will watch an AVP on marriage in the Philippine context. The students will
make a reflection paper based on the questions below:
1. How do you see the value of marriage in the Philippines?

148 Ibid., 1613.

149 Ephesians 5:21.
150 Catechism of the Catholic Church 1642.
151 Tertullian, Ad uxorem. 2,8,6-7:PL 1,1412-1413; cf. FC 13.
152 Ibid 1616.
153 Ibid 1638.
154 Humanae Vitae, 25.

36
 2. How do Filipinos give regard to the sanctity of marriage amidst moral
issues such as same-sex marriage, divorce and cohabitation?
3. On a personal note,
The class will be divided into five groups with 8 members each.
They will have a discussion/sharing on the SWOT Analysis: What
are the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats of marriage?
Afterwards, the leader will report to the whole class on what
transpired in their group sharing.
My Ideal Mandala of Marriage:
1. The students will draw a circle and divide it into five equal parts.
2. Each section represents a dimension of marriage.
3. Use symbols to represent the ideal dimension of marriage:
Vocation, Contract, Covenant, Celebration, and Sacrament.
4. Type their explanation/reflection at the back of Mandala.
Infomercial of Marriage in the Philippines: The class will be divided into five groups
with 8 members each. They have to create a 1-3 minute infomercial on marriage in
the Philippines.
Individual Activity: Each student will make ―A Prayer for a Happy Marriage.‖ Put it
on a short bond paper.
Individual Activity: Each student will make ―A Bottle of Vitamins for a Happy
Marriage.‖ Each capsule contains a Bible verse that serves as guide for married
couples.
Have an Interview from your respective parishes about marriage. Guide questions are
as follows:
1. What is the demographic profile of married couples in our parish?
2. What particular organization/committee caters to the needs of married
couples? What services do they offer?
3. How is our parish‘s programs for married couples?

37
 UNIT III

Education in Human Love

INTRODUCTION

A. REMOTE PREPARATION

1. Human Sexuality

Context and Meaning

Pope Benedict XVI in his letter about the urgent task of educating young people, placed emphasis
on the contemporary times being immersed in ―a mindset and form of culture that induce one to have
doubts about the value of the human person, about the very meaning of truth and good, and ultimately
about the goodness of life.‖155 He continues by exhorting each one to never lose hope in teaching the
young because there is a great "educational emergency", confirmed by the failures we encounter all too
often in our efforts to form sound people who can cooperate with others and give their own lives
meaning. To borrow the words of our beloved Pope: Do not be afraid! In fact, none of these difficulties is
insurmountable. They are, as it were, the other side of the coin of that great and precious gift which is our
freedom, with the responsibility that rightly goes with it.156

It is on this backdrop that Human Sexuality finds crisis in appreciating its true meaning. In a
document released by the Pontifical Council for the Family headed by Archbishop Paglia ―The Meeting
Point: Project for Affective and Sexual Formation,‖ it highlighted the different forms of culture that are
shaping the minds of young people and posing a difficult challenge in finding the truth and meaning of
Sexuality.

It identified three things: First, The prevalence of Relativism that celebrates man as an absolute
arbiter between what is right and what is wrong. According to it, it is impossible to recognize the truth
about the basic meaning of existence and the basic truth about human sexuality because sexuality and
affectivity are human realities that contain a specific truth: the truth of love as a personal truth.

Second, the abstraction of Nihilism that propagates the idea of a God who has nothing to do with
sexuality and living as though He does not exist. It also favors a vision of sexuality and affectivity in
which they lose the intrinsic dimension of its mystery. Simply put, it is reduced to simple and secularized
realities.

Third, the intellection of Naturalism that reduces man to a simple element of nature whose body
is seen as a machine with different parts that are functionally united and devoid of personal meaning. The
body is viewed, therefore, as a mere instrument at the disposal of the tastes and preferences of an
individual subject‘s poorly understood freedom. In this way, hedonistic well-being becomes the

155 Benedict XVI, Letter of His Holiness to the faithful of the Diocese and City of Rome on the urgent task of

educating young people,Vatican Website, January 21, 2008, accessed March 5, 2018,
https://w2.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/letters/2008/documents/hf_ben-xvi_let_20080121_educazione.html
156 Ibid.

38
fundamental criterion.157

That being said, it is enough reason for us to rise above these challenges and respond by making
relevant once again God‘s plan for sexuality, placing our hope in Christ, who is love, the one who gives
meaning to our being and brings purpose to our existence.

Human Sexuality and The Mystery of Love

The Catholic Church‘s teaching on Human Sexuality is anchored on the truth that ―God is love
and (he is love) in himself he lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in
his own image .... God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus, the capacity
and responsibility, of love and communion."158

What is the truth about the meaning of sexuality? What is the truth about love? Who am I in
relation to God who is love? How do I seek to understand myself? As a person, I long for the mystery of
communion with my fellow human beings and the mystery of love. When we seek the truth about
sexuality, we are faced with the truth about our capacity to love which in turn is the fulfillment of the
human person. ―Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. The whole
meaning of true freedom, and self-control which follows from it, is thus directed towards self-giving in
communion and friendship with God and with others.‖159 Thus, sexuality is relevant as we respond to our
vocation of love and communion.

Juana is a young girl, who is barely 18, she got married because she got pregnant. Unfortunately,
her relationship with her husband led to a bitter end due to the man‘s involvement in drugs. On top of
that, he was unemployed and unable to provide for their needs. As she recounts her story, there was a
great sigh of resignation and a cry of hopelessness. She replied saying, this is what is given to me and I
cannot do anything about it. This is really what life is all about. This is my fate and I am doomed to this
kind of life. What I can do is just to accept.

When do we search for meaning? In the deepest recesses of our hearts there is longing, an
aspiration, a hope that we are meant for something more and we can just accept that there is more to life,
thus, it pushes us to do more and achieve more. St. Pope John Paul II pointed out that ―if we live
according to the truth of our sexuality , we fulfill the very meaning of our being and existence. The
opposite is also true. If we do not live according to the truth of our sexuality, we miss the meaning of our
existence altogether. We forfeit true joy, true happiness.160

Sexuality as stated in the Catechism of the Catholic Church “affects all aspects of the human
person in the unity of his/her body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to
procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.‖161 We
find our true selves in relation to the love of God, love of others, and our capacity for love that forms and
transforms. When we forget this truth we sin against God, for he has made us for himself and it would be
difficult for us to understand the truth about who we are, the meaning of our existence, the blessing of our

157 Pontificum Consilium Pro Familia, The Meeting Point: Project for Affective and Sexual Formation,

http://www.educazioneaffettiva.org/?lang=en
158Catechism of the Catholic Church, CCC thereafter, (Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1992.) 2331.
159Pontifical Council of the Family, “The Truth and meaning of sexuality, Guidelines for education within the family,

8.
160 Christopher West, Good News about Sex & Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions about Catholic

Teaching. (Servant Books, 2013.) 17.

161 CCC, 2332.

39
sexuality, without knowing the author of life who gives us vision and direction.

2. Nuptial Meaning of the Body

We live in a world where most young Catholics find no wrong in engaging in sexual intercourse
especially if they are within a loving and committed relationship. If only the rightness and wrongness of a
particular act is measured according to what the vast majority of today‘s young people think or what most
surveys most likely to conclude, then the whole teaching on the sanctity of the body is null and void. The
Catholic Church will slowly lose her ground and authority and make her appear to be a useless entity. The
challenge arises therefore on how can we make relevant the teachings of the Catholic Church and invite
people to listen to her ancient yet novel wisdom. Although a lot has changed in the past years, the truth of
the Gospel remains the same. And we should not miss this opportunity to know this truth. It is God‘s truth
that young people deserve to hear, heed and understand.

St. John Paul II reminds us in the apostolic exhortation, Familiaris Consortio, that ―The vocation
of the human person is realized in marriage and virginity or celibacy. God‘s plan for Marriage involves
total self-giving of man and woman to each other.162 "Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give
themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something
simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly
human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally
to one another until death."163 This ―great mystery expressed in one flesh is an externalization of love, not
devoid of meaning but finds its meaning in love.

Male and Female. He created them

―God created man in his own image... male and female he created them"164 By far, some would
find this as something they would disagree with. It is quite challenging during this time to recognize
God‘s plan for human sexuality as integrated and not fragmented. For Sex is for male and female in
marriage. Marriage is for the family and Family is for the kingdom of God. As Lisa Cahill stated
―Marriage is intimately connected to family...God will rather build his kingdom of heaven over this
work‖ 165 As the Catechism of the Catholic Church succinctly puts it ―man and woman, should
acknowledge and accept his/her sexual identity. Physical, moral, and spiritual difference and
complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life. The
harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarity, needs,
and mutual support between the sexes are lived out. 166 When we deny God‘s design we are up against
what we are meant to be as God‘s creation. ―It is an illusion to think we can build a true culture of human
life if we do not . . . accept and experience sexuality and love and the whole of life according to their true
meaning and their close interconnection‖ 167

As Christopher West, a well known theologian and expert on the ―Theology of the body‖ shared
―Our creation as male and female and our longing for communion is ―the fundamental fact‖ of human
existence. Again, the Gospel meets us right here. As St. John Paul II says, the Christian mystery cannot be

162 St. John Paul II. Familiaris Consortio: Apostolic Exhortation to the Episcopate, to the Clergy and to the Faithful of

the Whole Catholic Church Regarding the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World. (Vatican Polyglot, 1981) 11.
163 CCC, 2361.
164 Gen 1:27, Revised Standard Edition.
165 Lisa Sowle Cahill, Family: a Christian Social Perspective. (Fortress Press, 2000) 71.
166 CCC, 2333.
167 St. John Paul II. Evangelium Vitae: Encyclical: the Gospel of Life. (Catholic News Service, 1995) 97.

40
understood ―unless we keep in mind the ‗great mystery‘ involved in the creation of man as male and
female and the vocation of both to conjugal love‖ (Letter to Families, n. 19).‖168

"The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble
and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches
the spouses in joy and gratitude." Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: The Creator himself ...
established that in the generative function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body
and spirit.‖ 169

Given the centrality of its importance in understanding the ―nuptial meaning of the body‖ from
St. Pope John Paul‘s Theology of the Body, the text deserves to be quoted in full.

God created man and woman in such a way that through their bodies it would be self-evident to them
that they are called to love, called to give themselves to one another. The very purpose and meaning of
life is found in this imaging of God by becoming a gift to another. ―God is love‖ 170, therefore, we fulfill
the reason of our existence by loving. Our physical bodies were made precisely to show us this and be the
means by which we accomplish it.

1. ―The human body includes right from the beginning...the capacity of expressing love, that love in
which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being
and existence.‖ 171

2. ―Understanding the fundamental meanings contained in the mystery of creation, such as the
nuptial meaning of the body...is important. It is indispensable in order to know who man is and
who he should be, and therefore how he should mold his own activity.‖172

3. ―The body, and it alone, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the
divine. It was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world the mystery hidden since time
immemorial in God [God‘s love for man], and thus to be a sign of it.‖173

4. ―That original nakedness, mutual and at the same time not weighed down by shame, expresses
this interior freedom of man.... At the root of their nakedness is the interior freedom of the gift -
the disinterested gift of oneself.‖ 174

5. ―The freedom of the gift is the response to the deep awareness of the gift... Through this truth and
freedom that love is built up, which we must affirm is authentic love.‖175

6. ―The marriage act…‘ at the same time ‗unites husband and wife in the closest intimacy‘ and
together makes them capable of generating new life.‘ Both the one and the other happen ‗through
the fundamental structure.‘ Since this is so, then it follows that the human person (with the
necessity proper to reason, logical necessity) must read at the same time the ‗twofold significance

168 Christopher West, Holy Spirit Interactive: “What is the Theology of the Body and Why is it Changing So Many

Lives?” http://www.holyspiritinteractive.net/columns/christopherwest/theologyofbody/01.asp
169 CCC, 2362.
170 1 John 4:16
171 John Paul II. The Theology of the Body According to John Paul II: Human Love in the Divine Plan. TOB thereafter,

(Pauline Books & Media, 1997) Jan 16, 1980, 63.

172 Ibid., (Feb. 13, 1980) 74.
173 Ibid., (Feb. 20, 1980) 76.
174 Ibid., (Jan. 9 & 16,1980) 62-64.
175 Ibid., (May 30,1984) 372.

41
 of the marriage act‘ and also the ‗inseparable connection between the unitive significance and the
procreative significance of the marriage act. Here we are dealing with nothing other than reading
the language of the body in truth.‖176

7. ―Christ manifests the love with which he has loved her [the Church] by giving himself for her.
That love is an image and above all a model of the love which the husband should show to his
wife in marriage, when the two are subject to each other ‗out of reverence for Christ.‖177

3. The Person and Love (Love and Responsibility)

St. Pope John Paul II‘s book Love and Responsibility presents a truth about the human person
and the path toward true love will allow us to live in authentic freedom. He reminds us that we should
―not be merely the means to an end for another person. Anyone who treats a person as the means to an
end does violence to the very essence of the other. Nobody can use a person as a means towards an end,
no human being, nor yet God the Creator.‘‘178

The good pope also reiterates ―the personalistic norm. This norm, in its negative aspect, states
that the person is the kind of good which does not admit of use and cannot be treated as an object of use
and as such the means to an end. In its positive form the personalistic norm confirms this: the person is a
good towards which the only proper and adequate attitude is love. The value of the person is always
greater than the value of pleasure‘‘179

Metaphysical Analysis of Love

1. Love as an Attraction

―Feelings arise spontaneously —the attraction which one person feels towards another often
begins suddenly and unexpectedly —but this reaction is in effect ‗blind‘. The value of any
attraction...depends on whether the good to which it is directed is really what it is thought to be.‖ 180
―There must be a direct attraction to the person: in other words, response to particular qualities inherent in
a person must go with a simultaneous response to the qualities of the person as such, an awareness that a
person as such is a value, and not merely attractive because of certain qualities which he or she possesses.
A human being is a person, a person whose nature is determined by his or her ‗inwardness‘. It is therefore
necessary to discover and to be attracted by the inner as well as the outer beauty.‖181

2. Love as a Desire

―Desire too belongs to the very essence of the love which springs up between man and woman.
This results from the fact that the human person is a limited being, not self sufficient and therefore —
putting it in the most objective way — needs other beings. The subject in love is conscious of [desire‘s]
presence, knows that it is there at his or her disposal so to speak, but working to perfect this love, will see

176 Ibid., (July 11, 1984).

177Ibid., (August 25, 1982).
178John Paul II. John Paul II on Love and Responsibility. LR thereafter, (Love and Responsibility Foundation, 2002)

26-27.
179Ibid., 41.
180Ibid., 77-78.
181Ibid., 79-80.

42
to it that desire does not dominate, does not overwhelm all else that love comprises.‖182

3. Love as a Goodwill

―Love is the fullest realization of the possibilities inherent in man. A genuine love is one in which
the true essence of love is realized — a love which is directed to a genuine (not merely an apparent) good.
It is not enough to long for a person as a good for oneself, one must also, and above all, long for that
person‘s good. The love of man for woman and woman for man cannot but be love as desire, but must as
time goes by move more and more in the direction of unqualified goodwill.‖183

4. The Problem of Reciprocity

―Love is not just something in the man and something in the woman — for in that case there
would properly speaking be two loves — but is something common to them. Love is by its very nature
not unilateral but bilateral, some- thing ‗between‘ two persons, something shared. Fully realized, it is
essentially an interpersonal, not an individual matter. It is a force which joins and unites. A person who
desires another as a good desires above all that person‘s love in return for his or her own love, desires that
is to say another person above all as a co-creator of love, and not merely as the object of appetite. The
‗selfishness‘ of love would seem then to lie only in seeking a response, a response which is love
reciprocated. But since reciprocity is in the very nature of love, since the interpersonal character of love
depends on it, we can hardly speak of ‗selfishness‘ in this context. The desire for reciprocity does not
cancel out the disinterested character of love. To be able to rely on another person, to think of that person
as a friend who will never prove false, is for the person who loves a source of peace and joy.

Peace and joy are fruits of love very closely bound up in its very essence. It is impossible to put
your trust in another human being, knowing or feeling that his or her sole aim is utility or pleasure. It is
equally impossible to put your trust in a person if you yourself have the same intention as your main aim.
Sharing their lives gives them a continuous opportunity to test their good faith and to reinforce it through
virtue. Life together becomes, as it were, a school for self-perfection. Mere pleasure and mere sensual
enjoyment are not goods which bind and unite people for long. People should always carefully ‗verify‘
their love before exchanging declarations.‖184

5. From Sympathy to Friendship

―Sympathy is a manifestation of experience rather than of activity: people succumb to it in ways

which they sometimes find incomprehensible themselves, and the will is captured by the pull of emotions
and sensations which bring two people closer together regardless of whether one of them has consciously
chosen the other.‖185

―[Sympathy] often takes possession of one‘s feelings and will, devoid of the objective worth of
the person for whom it is felt. The value of the emotion is what matters rather than the value of the
person. What makes sympathy so weak is, as we see, is the lack of objectivity. Hand in hand with this,
however, comes the great subjective force of sympathy, which also gives human love their subjective
intensity. Mere intellectual recognition of another person‘s worth, however wholehearted, is not love.Yet
sympathy is not by any means the whole of love, any more than excitement and emotion are the whole of
a human being‘s inner life — it is only one element among others. The most profound, by far, the most

182 Ibid., 80-82.

183 Ibid., 82-84.
184 Ibid., 84-88
185 Ibid., 89

43
important element is the will, in which the power to create love in a human being and between people is
vested. Love between a man and a woman cannot remain on the level of mere sympathy but must become
friendship. For in friendship — and here it is unlike mere sympathy — the decisive part is played by the
will.‖186

―[Friendship] brings out the element of benevolentia or goodwill (‗I want what is good for you‘),
and also the characteristic ‗doubling‘ of the subject, the doubling of the ‗I‘: my ‗I‖ and your ‗I‘ form a
moral unity, for the will is equally well inclined to both of them. The mistake often made in love between
people, and especially between man and woman, is to leave it, so to speak, at the level of sympathy, with
no conscious attempt to mold it into friendship. One consequence of this mistake is the belief that when
sympathy breaks down, love is also at an end. Love cannot be merely a matter of ‗consuming sympathy.
[Love] is in its very nature creative and constructive.‖187

―[Comradeship] rests on such objective foundations as joint work, common goals, shared
concerns, etc. Comradeship gives a man and a woman an objective common interest, whereas sympathy
links them only in a subjective way. Comradeship favors the development of love‘s objective side,
without which it is always incomplete. The emotions themselves are, as experience shows, rather fickle,
and so cannot lastingly and exclusively determine the attitude of one human being to another. People
capable of creating and living in a milieu of their own are probably well prepared to impart the character
of a closely knit community to the family, and to create a good atmosphere for family life.‖188

6. Betrothed Love

―[Love] is not just an aspiration, but rather a coming together, a unification of persons.‖ 189
Betrothed love differs from all the aspects or forms of love analyzed hitherto. Its decisive character is the
giving of one‘s own person (to another). The essence of betrothed love is self-giving, the surrender of
one‘s ‗I‘. When betrothed love enters into this interpersonal relationship something more than friendship
results: two people give themselves each to the other.‖190

―The fullest, the most uncompromising form of love consists precisely in self-giving, in making
one‘s inalienable and non-transferable ‗I‘ someone else‘s property. This is doubly paradoxical: firstly in
that it is possible to step outside one‘s own ‗I‘ in this way, and secondly in that the ‗I‘ far from being
destroyed or impaired as a result is enlarged and enriched. In giving ourselves we find clear proof that we
possess ourselves.‖191

186 Ibid., 90
187 Ibid., 91-93.
188 Ibid., 89-95.
189 Ibid., 95.
190 Ibid., 96.
191 Ibid., 97-98.

44
 BIBLIOGRAPHY

Benedict XVI, Letter of His Holiness to the faithful of the Diocese and City of Rome on the
urgent task of educating young people,Vatican Website, January 21, 2008, accessed March 5,
2018.

Cahill, Lisa Sowle. Family: a Christian Social Perspective. Fortress Press, 2000.

Catechism of the Catholic Church. Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1992.

The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version. Thomas Nelson Publishing for Ignatius Press, 2006.

St. John Paul II. Familiaris Consortio: Apostolic Exhortation to the Episcopate, to the Clergy
and to the Faithful of the Whole Catholic Church Regarding the Role of the Christian Family in
the Modern World. Vatican Polyglot, 1981.

_____________. Evangelium Vitae: Encyclical: the Gospel of Life. Catholic News Service,
1995.

_____________John Paul II on Love and Responsibility. Love and Responsibility Foundation,

2002.

_____________.The Theology of the Body According to John Paul II: Human Love in the Divine
Plan. Pauline Books & Media, 1997.

Pontifical Council Pro Familia, The Truth and meaning of sexuality, Guidelines for education
within the family,

West, Christopher. Good News about Sex & Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions
about Catholic Teaching. Servant Books, 2013.

___________ Holy Spirit Interactive: “What is the Theology of the Body and Why is it
Changing So Many
Lives?”http://www.holyspiritinteractive.net/columns/christopherwest/theologyofbody/01.asp

45
5. EDUCATION IN CHASTITY

People nowadays think that there is no need to wait for marriage until one can engage in sex. You
want it, you can have it. And since this trend occupies much of the contemporary consciousness, it does
not anymore encourage the cultivation of virtues like temperance and patience in valuing oneself in
preparation for the great gift of the consummation in marriage. Sadly, people think that there is nothing
wrong when it comes to the practice of pre-marital sex.

Many of us are somewhat affected by this thinking. Words such as purity, modesty, and
abstinence are sounding so old-fashioned to some, like a residue from a distant past. But these words help
us to go back to how those ‗old-fashioned‘ words would illumine us on the very sublime way on God
views and treats us. Purity allows us to bear witness to true love: for others and for ourselves as Jesus has
taught. It also helps us to look at the human body, in the very essence of it as the ―temple of the Holy
Spirit‖ (1 Corinthians 6:19). Though the practice of purity may require courage and self-control,
especially when temptations of the flesh are strong, it teaches us slowly but surely, the virtue of
abstinence.

Both purity and abstinence are protected and aided by modesty. Modesty is the virtue by which
we express respect for ourselves and others on the way we dress, speak, and act.

These virtues stem from our dignity which invites us to always regard ourselves and others as
priceless treasures that need to be protected and respected. Thus, we must keep in mind that our bodies
and those of others are temples of God‘s presence that needs to be handled with outmost love, respect and
responsibility.

Chastity as a virtue

If sexual love is to be understood as something special, personal, and truly intimate, not
something ordinary, trivial, and cheap, we must recover the idea of chastity. Chastity is the virtue that
calls us to use our sexuality in a reasonable, responsible, and faithful manner. Chaste sexual behavior
harms neither ourselves nor others. The opposite of lust, chastity does not repress or deny our sexuality.
Rather, chastity directs it to the service of real and faithful love through the integration of our being ‗male‘
and being ‗female‘.

Chastity in all status of life

Every person, whether married or single, is called to live a chaste life. Like any virtue, chastity
must be developed and practiced because our sexual attractions and feelings are so strong and intense,
often overpowering. Chastity is defined as the purity of the mind and the heart. More than just ‗not having
sex‘, chastity remains to be one of the most misunderstood virtues because, many have regarded it to be
against the natural inclination of man to respond to his/her urges. Thus, this virtue requires discipline,
self- denial, self-respect, and prayer, especially when times of temptations come. Chastity can be difficult
to master because of the tremendous urges that a person can experience, but without it, we become slaves
to our passions. We can destroy ourselves and others through our impulsive and harmful behaviors.
Clearly, despite what the popular opinion sometimes suggests, chastity is a virtue, not of the timid and the
weak but of the wise and the strong.

Chastity is a virtue that each baptized person is called to live no matter what his or her vocation is.
Chastity refers more to what you are doing than what you are not doing. It is SO MUCH MORE than

46
remaining technically a ―virgin.‖ Chastity is actually at the heart of a good marriage when the minds of
the spouses are occupied with pure thoughts and intentions coupled with heavenly ideals. So if chastity is
lived even after marriage, then it has to be more than just saying NO to sex.

Chastity defined: Chastity is a virtue that directs all our sexual desires, emotions, and attractions toward
the dignity of the person and the real meaning of love.1

That means that all of our sexual desires, emotions, and attractions toward others are supposed to
be at the service of the dignity of the other person and the real meaning of love—not at the service of
what we want! Chastity is a deep respect and admiration for the person AND for the gifts of our sexuality
and sex. As St. John Paul II puts it, chastity is the readiness to affirm and love the person in every
situation. You know what you are saying no to by living chastely, but what are you saying YES to?

Chastity: What are you saying YES to?

1. Chastity is saying YES to AUTHENTIC real love.

Love is not just a happy feeling or something that comes and goes. Love is not proven by
JUST performing sex with someone for love is a deep desire to do what is good for the other. It
involves sacrifice. Think of the love Christ has for you—a love that led Him to lay down His life
on the cross. When compared to this kind of love, do you really want to date or marry somebody
who rests his or her entire idea of a good relationship on mere feelings?

2. Chastity is saying YES to you.

Chastity says, ―I believe that I am worth waiting for. I am a unique unrepeatable person
who has a unique unrepeatable gift to offer.‖ By living chastely, you are saying YES to your own
dignity and honoring the person God made you to be.

3. Chastity is saying YES to the person.

To every person you meet—especially those of the opposite sex—chastity says, ―I will
not put you in a position where I may use or hurt you. I will respect who you are, including your
body. I will govern my eyes and thoughts so that they honor and respect you.‖ Since sex is
―saying your wedding vows with your body instead of your voice,‖2 a commitment to chastity is a
promise to never tell a lie with your body.

4. Chastity is saying YES to the “it is very good” kind of sex.

The Catholic Church says sex is SO great and SO good that when you take it out of
marriage it becomes a cheap commodity. You diminish it into something of less value and
inessential. When God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, He looked at His creation
and said ―It is very good.‖ Adam and Eve were the first married couple. The real meaning of sex
happens within the context of marriage, where there is a life-long commitment and a total giving
and receiving of each other. Having ―meaningless‖ sex with different people —even if you
express your love for them— once you‘re married it will be difficult to embody and commit to
this TOTAL and UNCONDITIONAL love through which this sexual act is of no value to you.
The question is: What do you want?

47
5. Chastity is saying YES to your future spouse.

Whether you are called to marriage, the priesthood, or religious life, by living out chastity,
you are preparing yourself for your future vocation through loving even when it is not easy and
does not yield the good feelings attached to it. When you are faithful to your spouse through a life
of chastity, can imagine a more powerful and beautiful gift to present to God and your spouse on
your wedding day? How awesome it would be to look him or her in the eyes and say, ―I have
prepared myself for you!‖ There is no way you will have any regrets giving this gift to God and
your future spouse! If you have made mistakes in the past, go to confession and open yourself to
the HEALING power of God and His MERCY, and begin living chastely in preparation for the
wonderful event of marriage.

6. Chastity is saying YES to a great future.

Popular opinion would have you believe that your life will be perfect after you begin
having sex, but that statistics show the opposite. Chaste teens avoid unintended pregnancy and
sexually transmitted diseases (many of which are incurable and cause infertility). They are also
less likely to be depressed, commit suicide,3 contract a marriage that ends in divorce, experience
poverty, have an abortion,4 and exposed to the use of contraception. Oral contraceptives (estrogen
and progestin combination) lead to an increased risk of several kinds of cancer. 5 A woman‘s risk
for breast cancer increases by 44% when contraceptive pills are taken prior to her first
pregnancy.6 Do not mess with your future and the happiness the Lord longs for you to enjoy!

7. Chastity is saying YES to God.

God is the Author of romance. He intended it from the beginning. God‘s plans are not
shallow and meaningless. They are GREAT and beyond what we can imagine and hope for
ourselves! He has set the bar high because He wants what is truly best for us and knows the
deepest desires of our hearts. Chastity says YES to the fullness of God‘s plans for us. So let us
offer our lives to Christ and live daily for Him; we will have more adventure with Christ as our
companion!

―Chastity is first and foremost a great yes to the true meaning of sex, to the goodness of
being created as male and female in the image of God. Chastity isn‘t repressive. It‘s totally
liberating. It frees us from the tendency to use others for selfish gratification and enables us to
love others as Christ loves us.‖ —Christopher West

Practical Things You Can Do to Start Living Chastity NOW

1. PRAY!

Mother Teresa said ―Purity is the fruit of prayer.‖ Chastity cannot be lived through one‘s own
strength. It requires the help of Christ and the graces He offers through the Sacraments. Pick a
saint—St. Joseph, St. Anne, St. Maria Goretti, St. Philomena, and Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati
and many others—and ask them to pray for you specifically in the area of purity. Pray for the
strength to always do what is right, for your future vocation and spouse, and for all people to
know the joy that comes from living a chaste life for the Lord.

48
2. Start loving now.

Chastity is not about waiting to love; it is about authentically loving NOW. Find ways to
renounce your will and sacrifice for the good of others. Act in such a way that all you do reflects
your own dignity and helps others to realize their true worth as well. Learn to give of yourself and
receive the gift of others.

3. Be yourself.

Never change who you are or water down your beliefs and moral convictions in the hope that
others will like you more. You will be respected for your authenticity, and people will know
where you stand by the example of your life. Find friends who will encourage you to live a chaste
life rather than pressuring you to conform to the world‘s standards.

4. Practice self-discipline.

Challenge yourself in the little things: not hitting the snooze button, skipping dessert,
avoiding gossip, etc. By renouncing yourself in the little things, you are training yourself to
renounce yourself in the big things. Then, when temptation comes your way, you will be ready.
Be faithful to your commitments; set goals and stick to them.

5. Control your thoughts and imagination.

Some people are gifted with wild imaginations. Learning to control them is sometimes
frustrating because the power of the mind is more than what we take hold of it. Once your mind
wanders, train yourself to always go back to reality. Some of what we hear and watch in the
media sabotages our longings for real love by training us to use people. If you have romance
novels (read them in moderation), pornography, explicit songs, or anything else that tempts you,
trash them. It might be hard, but you will experience freedom once you start saying no to sin that
leads to addiction, and Satan will no longer have these tools to use against you.

6. Think about how you advertise yourself.

The things you do and say, the choice of your friends, the way you dress, etc., all tell
something about you. Dress in a way that accents your beauty rather than just your body.
Modesty is about respecting yourself and helping your brothers and sisters in Christ to live
chastely as well. Archbishop Fulton Sheen said, ―No one ever becomes truly beautiful until
he/she stops trying to make himself/herself beautiful, and begins making himself/herself good.
Mary was not ‗full of grace‘ because she was beautiful; she was beautiful because she was full of
grace.‖

7. Be alert!
Drink alcohol occasionally and in moderation and say a definitive NO to drugs. Be aware
of your surroundings (watch your drink!), and keep full possession of your capacity to think
clearly, which is sometimes compromised by too much intake of drugs and alcohol.

7. Know Yourself.

It is not just about saying NO when you are in a bad situation, but about avoiding these
situations to begin with. If certain situations, things, or people are a source of temptation for you,
have the wisdom and strength to stay away and be firm with your resolution. If you are ever you

49
 are in a situation where you are tempted beyond your control: 1) speak up, 2) stand up, and 3)
walk out.

8. Have a reminder.

Wear a chastity ring/necklace or say a certain special prayer daily. Do something that reminds
you of your commitment to true love.

9. Group date.

Go out with a guy/girl in a group of people. It will be more fun, and you will get to see how
people interact with other people. Be up-front and honest so he or she knows that chastity is
essential in your relationship. If your date does not respect your choice to live chastely, what else
will they respect?

References
1 Theology of the Body for Teens Student Workbook, Ascension Press, p. 42
2 Jason Evert, If You Really Loved Me, Catholic Answers, p. 26
3 www.heritage.org/Research/Abstinence/cda0304.cfm
4 www.heritage.org/Research/Abstinence/abstinence_charts.cfm
5 www.omsoul.com/who-pill-bc.php
6 www.mayoclinicproceedings.com/pdf/8110/8110a1.pdf
7 https://onemoresoul.com/love-chastity/young-men/chastity-what-areyou-saying-yes-to.html

50
B. PROXIMATE PREPARATION

1. DATING

Dating is a relatively recent phenomenon. Throughout history, marriages were negotiated by

families, usually for economic or political reasons. In most parts of the world, this approach is still the
norm. Romantic relationships outside of marriage are thought to result from an impractical attraction, a
corruption of virtue, or even a mental disorder.

While sociologists and psychologists have studied the phenomenon, theologians have rarely
touched upon the topic. Ignoring dating, however, is a serious mistake. Most people are doing something
more than friendship and less than marriage. Aristotle believed that after the age of seven, people are
formed in their habits and would have a hard time changing their ways. Today, people spend twice this
amount of time forming themselves in habits of relating to one another, habits that will affect their
behavior for the rest of their lives, for good or for ill.

Since Christianity is at heart about relationships—the two greatest commandments are about how
to relate with God and relate with others—Christians cannot just dismiss dating. Even if dating turns out
to be a fleeting moment in cultural history, it still affects countless individuals today. Not reflecting on
dating is the same as abandoning people, giving them no guidance, no opportunities for reflection, and no
support from the community. It leaves them little to no help in forming relationships that are truly loving
and faithful to the teachings of Christ.

WHAT IS DATING?

Given the various manifestations of dating, it is difficult to arrive at a clear understanding of what
dating is, much less to evaluate it. For our purposes, we are going to define dating not by what it is, but by
what it is not.

Dating is not marriage.

This statement is obvious but needs to be stated since there are similarities between the two types
of relationships. Both are about the relationships between a man and woman, and both involve romantic
love and sexual attraction. While marriage is entered into with the expectation that it will last until death,
dating is entered into with the certainty that it will end. In dating, people either break up or get married. In
either case, dating has ended.

Dating is not friendship.

Often dating and friendships overlap, and, from a Catholic perspective, they ought to overlap. But
they are not the same kind of relationship. Dating involves what the ancient Greeks, and more recently
Pope Benedict XVI, call eros.192 Eros is a concrete and specific love. It is a love for a particular person
and his or her physical presence. It involves physical affection but is not what we call ―erotic‖ in our
culture. Friendship is a different kind of love, one that does not involve eros. In other words, if friends
start kissing, they are something more than friends.

192 Pope Benedict XVI, Deus Caritas Est, (2005).

51
Dating is not courtship.

Historically, dating has been synonymous with courtship. Only recently, since the 1970‘s, did this
really change.193 Still there is a difference – an important difference. In courting, the question of marriage
is being actively entertained. The root of courtship is to court, to woo, to invite. Courtship is thus to invite
the real possibility of marriage into the relationship. While dating rarely cuts off the possibility of
marriage, the possibility is not a prominent feature. Usually in dating, people are just getting to know each
other.

While the separation between the two should not be drawn too sharply, there is an important
value in making the distinction. If one collapses courtship and dating into one relationship, then marriage
is considered before or while the couple is getting to know each other. We should come to know each
other before we think about getting married, otherwise, we end up with situations of sixteen year olds
trying to evaluate their relationship based on whether or not they would marry the person, or a twenty
year old in college searching for a spouse instead of just talking to people.

Dating is not sex.

Sex is frequently associated with dating, but the two are not synonymous. Many people have
dating relationships in which they do not have sex. Some people have sex with a person that they do not
or will not date. This obvious distinction needs to be made, because when people condemn dating, they
often are in fact condemning premarital sex. An opposition to the latter does not mean an opposition to
the former. Catholicism stands against pre-marital sex but this is not a stand against dating. It is a stand
against one type of activity often associated with dating. As long as this distinction is maintained, many
of the concerns people have about dating fall away.

In excluding these understandings of dating, we have created a broad grasp of dating that
encompasses the numerous types and experiences of dating. Knowing what dating is, though, does not tell
us how Catholics think about it.

A CATHOLIC UNDERSTANDING OF DATING

Building on the previous four views, a Catholic definition of dating is: a joyful practice in
Christian love that is incompatible with sin.

Dating is joyful but not trivial.

Viewing dating as trivial, though wrong, serves to underscore a Catholic truth about relationships:
they are intended to be joyful. We are not only made to love and be loved, but, in doing so, we experience
peace, joy, and happiness. The examples in the Christian tradition of this truth abound. Moses reminded
the Israelites that by following the commandments, their lives would be blessed. Jesus described heaven
as a wedding banquet. Saint Augustine said that our hearts are restless until they rest in God. Saint
Thomas Aquinas said that heaven is where we find happiness as friends of God. Joy in our relationships
with others, joy in our relationship with God, this is what God wants for us and for which he made us.

193 C.f. Mary Ann Schwartz & Barbara Marliene Scott, “Dating, Coupling, and Mate Selection,” Marriages and Families:

Diversity and Change, Fifth Edition (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 2007).

52
 In this sense, dating truly is re-creational. God is the creator of the universe, establishing from the
very beginning a relationship between himself and us. He enjoys it, saying it is good. We should then re-
create this original joyful relationship in all of our relationships. Yet, only in this sense is dating
recreational. After creation, God takes immediate interest in humans, attending to them, respecting them,
chastising them, guiding them, basically treating them with a dignity and respect far beyond anything they
deserve based on their behavior. Relationships are never trivial in God‘s eyes. The first three
commandments are about how to relate with God and the last seven are about how we are to relate with
one another. Over and over again, the Bible talks about these two relationships and how they must not be
neglected. So, trivializing any relationship is really a trivializing of God‘s creation, God‘s commandments,
and God‘s own concern for other people. While grasping the fun and pleasurable part of a relationship,
the trivial view of dating misses its profound importance.

Dating is a practice but is not advantageous.

The view on dating as advantageous indicates that dating is useful and thus leads us to some other
end. We usually think of marriage as this end. Dating is thus useful because it helps us to test if this is the
person whom we want to marry. There are other ends: to learn how to socialize, to become more popular,
or to avoid loneliness. The truth found in this perspective is that dating does lead us somewhere. Where
this perspective goes awry is in its understanding of the purpose of dating.

Catholicism views relationships in general as good, not for just anything, but as practices in
loving. ―Practice‖ here has a specific meaning. Often, we think of ―practice‖ as leading to some external
goals. We practice in order to win a game or in order to be the best performer at a recital. We practice to
get the trophy or the prize. Yet, practice also helps us refine and perfect what we do. In this understanding,
what happens at practice cannot be divided so easily to just a game or a recital. People who love a sport or
instrument practice not to win awards but to excel at that particular activity or interest. Their practice is
doing the activity so that they can excel at it. Their end and joy is doing the activity well, not winning the
awards.194

Relationships are practices in love in this second sense. They are practices not because we use
other people in relationships to learn to love but because we love other people in our relationships, we
work to become excellent at loving. This is where ―dating is advantageous‖ perspective veers off into
error. Those who view dating this way often focus on the wrong end, often a self-serving one. Dating to
become popular, increase social standing, or avoid loneliness are selfish reasons. You would be viewing
other people as useful to yourself. They are important only to the degree that they can help you, and, as
soon as they cannot, you leave them.

Instead, Catholics view relationships as places where we hone our ability to love because we love
those whom we are in relationship with. In his encyclical letter, Deus Caritas Est, Pope Benedict XVI
says that eros—what we would call today romantic love—is a love that draws us out of ourselves, toward
others, and, eventually, through the longing, on to God. Of course, eros can be corrupted in any number
of ways. It can direct people toward pleasure instead of the person or it can cause a couple to focus on
themselves and neglect those around them. If purified and properly understood, however, eros leads to the
Christ-like love of others that the early Christians called agape.195

194 This description of “practice” is derived from Alasdair MacIntyre’s definition in After Virtue (Notre Dame: University of Notre

Dame Press, 1984), 187.

195 “Evidently, eros needs to be disciplined and purified if it is to provide not just fleeting pleasure, but a certain foretaste of the

pinnacle of our existence, of that beatitude for which our whole being yearns.
“Two things emerge clearly from this rapid overview of the concept of eros past and present. First, there is a certain
relationship between love and the Divine: love promises infinity, eternity—a reality far greater and totally other than our everyday

53
 One of the proposed ideas of ―dating is advantageous‖ is ―test driving.‖ Dating is to try out
another person and see if that person is compatible for marriage. While this argument sounds reasonable,
it is problematic in at least two ways. First, it assumes a consumer mentality with regard to other people.
Dating becomes shopping spree for a partner. Persons are viewed as things that we can ―try‖ and ―test.‖
Yet, as human beings, we cannot do this. People are not commodities that can be bought, sold, tested, and
tried. What we do to people and how we relate with them affects us as much as them. If we treat another
like a product, we do not see in that person the individual who is made in the likeness and image of God,
the person whom God‘s only begotten Son came to save. Instead we see him or her as a thing to be treated
as we see fit. People should go on dates but not to ―test drive‖ people. Rather, we should go on dates to
learn to love other people for who they are. If the relationship continues to grow in this love, the question
of marriage should naturally arise.

Second, there is no way to have a ―test drive‖ or a ―trial‖ marriage. Sacramental marriage is a
promise, a vow exchanged between two people in the presence of the Church. There is no way to test
making a vow. You make it or you do not. I am not saying that dating has no relationship to marriage, but
that there are dimensions to marriage to which dating cannot prepare us. We believe that the sacrament of
marriage changes the couple: they receive God‘s grace and enter into a bond that can only be broken by
death. Thus, no matter how serious and extended the dating period is, it cannot simulate the irrevocable
bond that binds a husband and wife.

Nowhere is this inability to ―test drive‖ a spouse more apparent than in cohabitation. Culturally,
we assume that people who live together beforehand know more what marriage is like and thus, are better
prepared for entering marriage. If there is any way to truly prepare for marriage, would it not be living as
if you were married? The reality is that while dating may be done in a way that helps prepare for marriage,
the same is never true of cohabitation.

Dating helps us to learn about the other person and care for him or her. It is a practice on how to
love another person. Linking dating too close to marriage though, as if marriage is the exclusive end of
dating, neglects the reality that many other factors are needed for a successful marriage. Compatibility in
dating can help in choosing a marriage partner but is not sufficient in and of itself.

Thus, dating does have a goal. It is not the goal of status or popularity or even exclusively
marriage. Dating, like all Christian actions, is a practice in which we learn how to love with a Christian
love.

Dating is “Full of Wonder” and not just “Wonderful.”

Dating can teach us Christian love. Culturally, dating and falling-in-love are often synonymous.
We cannot imagine marriage, much less long-term dating, without love. Yet the love often depicted is a
narrow love. It is the beginning of love, the first throes of love. It is exciting and wonderful. Yet,
ultimately, this portrayal is not what Christians mean when they talk about love. When Christians talk
about love, they talk about a reality that is Paschal, Triune, and Incarnate.

Christian love is Paschal. In our broken world, the process of loving is not easy or natural. It is
fraught with faults, failures, and sin. Christians are called to love by continually and repeatedly repenting
of their failings, by ongoing conversion, trying to live up to their faith again, and forgiving those around

existence. Yet we have also seen that the way to attain this goal is not simply by submitting to instinct. Purification and growth in
maturity are called for; and these also pass through the path of renunciation. Far from rejecting or “poisoning” eros, they heal it and
restore its true grandeur.” Pope Benedict XVI, Deus Caritas Est (2005),4-5.

54
them who also fail. Cardinal Newman said that God is perfect and so does not need to change, but
humans are imperfect and so need to change and change often. Just as it is Jesus‘ life, death, and
resurrection that saved us, we are to continually die to self and sin in order to be reborn in new life where
we must again die to the new self in order to be born again. This is Paschal Love; this is the Way of the
Cross.

Christian Love is also Triune. The Church‘s doctrine of the Trinity says that God is three persons
in one divine nature. Three persons, unique, unconfused, and yet one God. The Trinity is a relationship of
Persons whose selves are not lost but perfected in and through their relationship to each other. God is not
in isolation nor is God a couple. God is three, a community, and God calls us to share in His divine life.
Christian Love, then, can never be completely closed off from the outside world and can never be purely
private. Christian Love always reaches out to draw others in.

Christian love is incarnate. Jesus is fully God and fully human, as the early ecumenical councils
of the Church clarified. Jesus is perfect God and perfect human, everything that makes God God and
everything that makes humans human. While one must never disregard Jesus‘ divinity, one must not
exclude His humanity either. If we are to love like Christ, we are to take the body and the soul seriously
and inseparably. If we do not turn the other cheek and pray for the living and the dead we are doomed, but
we are doomed if we do not give to those who need food, drink, shelter, and clothes.

Dating as a joyful practice in Christian love distinguishes it from dating that is ―wonderful.‖
Dating that is ―wonderful‖ is problematic not because dating is not wonderful but because it is more than
this. Wonderful or ―full of wonder‖ ought to be present in Christian Love. The fact that the Almighty
Creator of the Universe made us in His communal image, became one of us to make us one with Him, and
even offers us His love and acceptance despite our sins and betrayal is an amazing and wonder-full love.
It is a demanding love, a great love, a love that can overcome death. This is the wonder.

But dating as wonderful often truncates this love, emphasizing the wonder in the first moments or
months of a relationship. This is where the happiness and joy seem to be. This is when the world looks
rosy. Again, there is nothing wrong with these moments as long as they are not assumed to be love in its
entirety. Peter, James, and John all left everything to follow Jesus, yet this moment occurs at the
beginning of each Gospel. After this wonderful moment, James and John ask for positions of authority at
Jesus‘ right and left hands and Peter denies Jesus three times. It takes time even for the Apostles to truly
become ―full of wonder‖ for what God has done for them and for everyone. Thus, for dating to be
Christian, it cannot just be the wonderful peak moments at the beginning of relationships. It must entail
the demanding enterprise of love that endures despite failures (the paschal dimension of love), is attentive
to the whole person (the incarnate dimension of love), and enlivens one‘s other relationships (the triune
dimension of love). Only then will the dating relationship be ―full of wonder‖ as it begins to reflect the
love that is God‘s and is God.

Dating is not wrong but can be done wrong.

Dating can be a joyful practice in Christian love. Yet, dating can also be something else. While
dating may not be inherently wrong, it is so often bound up with actions that are wrong that dating seems
beyond redemption at times. Violence, premarital sex, and masturbation (either by one‘s self or as a
couple) seem so much a part of contemporary dating that often people assume that the Catholic Church‘s
teaching condemns dating in judging these activities unfit for the good of the Christian and Gospel living.

While not prohibiting dating per se, the Church does condemn relationships, any relationship,
including dating relationships that include these actions. Thus, no truly Catholic perspective of dating can

55
include such activities as intercourse, mutual masturbation, or violence. The Church holds these teachings
because it is concerned, as the Catholic theologian William May put it, that humans do nothing against
their own good.196 In other words, the Church condemns any relationship that does not help us to be
genuinely concerned about ourselves and others.

For example, part of the Church‘s logic behind its prohibitions of premarital sex is that those who
engage in it do not take their partner or the potential children from such a union as seriously as love
demands. The Church easily says if you love someone, you can have sex with them. The trick is that the
love required for sex demands that you commit to the other person in front of God and family, to be there
in good times and bad, riches and poverty, sickness and health, and welcome the children born from the
union. To paraphrase Saint Augustine, ―love who you date and do what you want.‖ The Church reasons
that if you truly love another, you will avoid those very same practices that the Church condemns. You
will avoid them not just because they are sinful or the Church tells you to do so, but because you love the
other person. This is what the Church wants: not imperfect actions which cause you to ―fear the pains of
hell‖ but perfect actions that you do because you ―love God.‖

This proposal—if you truly love someone, you will treat that person in a certain way—is, in part,
what St. Pope John Paul II‘s Theology of the Body is about.197 St. John Paul II said that the way we treat
people reveals whether we truly love them. For example, the body language of sex implies a
corresponding spiritual language. Both should say, ―I give myself to you completely.‖ Yet, when
contraception is used or there is no marriage, people are speaking a lie. They may be saying with their
bodies that they give themselves completely but their actions say they are holding something back. This
dishonesty, as is the case with all dishonesty, damages trust together with the relationship.

Thus, a Catholic perspective of dating is incompatible with any sinful act. Dating, if it is to be a
joyful practice in Christian Love, cannot be reconciled with sin or evil.

2. COURTSHIP198

We believe that a distinction needs to be made between Dating and Courtship! Obviously, Dating
can end up becoming Courtship; but, we believe that the one should lead into the other. You may date
several people before you have found someone that you really are interested in as a life's mate. Once you
have found that person, you narrow your dating to one person and strive to win him or her as a life's
partner.

Courtship will not only involve dating this person, but an effort is made to limit dating to only
that person. There will be limited acts of affection offered to the other, telephone calls, note writing, and
flirtatious gestures (winking, prolonged smiling, frequent glances, gestures with hands, etc.). The prize in
the courtship is the girl. She is pursued and the man is the pursuer. The man pursues her until she catches
him! It is a time where the two should be strongly evaluating the character and attitudes of the other
person. For this reason, romance should be de-emphasized and friendship accentuated. It is a time to
discover the attributes, traits, and major life's interests and values of the other person. It is a time to get to
know one another's families because you not only marry the person, but their family as well. It needs to
be thoroughly understood that reform after marriage is almost impossible. So be sure you like the person!

196 William May, Catholic Sexual Ethics, (Knights of Columbus’ Veritas Series, 2001), 13. May is actually using a quote from St.

Thomas Aquinas: “God is offended by us only because we act contrary to our own good” (St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa contra gentiles,
3.122).
197 John Paul II, The Theology of the Body According to John Paul II (NY: Pauline Books & Media, 1997).
198 http://camphillchurch.org/study_books/DATING,%20Courtship,%20Engagement,%20Wedding.pdf accessed April 1, 2018.

56
3. ENGAGEMENT

When the courtship has been successful to the point where the man is ready to "pop the question,"
and she says "yes!"—then, it is the time to become Engage. An engagement ring is appropriate, along
with a public announcement of the intentions of the couple to be married in the future.199 Hence, the first
stage of marriage begins in the decision to marry. With or without a formal engagement ceremony, a
couple at some point comes to a decision to marry. With this decision they enter the process and begin the
passage of marriage. Historically, a couple was "betrothed." An agreement—usually between the families
of the couple—initiated this first, ambiguous stage of commitment.

This first stage is ambiguous because the couple are committed to marry, but are not yet
committed in marriage. Exactly how "engaged" are we or should we be? Typical of a passage, this stage
begins the process of separation from our former life and introduces us to an ―in-betweenness.‖ We enter
into a serious but partial commitment. Religious people, sometimes apprehensive that such a partial
commitment will involve sexual and genital engagement, have often argued against the seriousness of this
stage of the relationship. The question of sexual expression is important here and must be considered in
the context of a deepening psychological intimacy and commitment.

The peculiarity and ambiguity of this in-between stage of engagement beg for some comparisons.
Similar experiences of serious but partial commitment occur for persons in seminaries and religious
novitiates (preparing to enter a religious order or congregation). These men and women, often of

199 ibid. Following are some good reasons and value of an Engagement period:

1. It is a time to begin serious planning of their lives together. Such questions need to be asked as to what job or jobs one has or
both have in order to have enough to live on; where they will live; and possibly even talk about long-time future plans. The
question of whether to have children, when to have children, and how they will care for them.

2. It is a final testing time before the couple is actually married. In order to really get to know the person, they need to be in a relax
situation with friends and families so all can get better acquainted and see how they fit in each other's friends and family.
Remember, you are not only married the person, but his/her friends and family come along with her too in most instances.

3. It is a time to seriously learn more on how to get along with each other. You need to talk about a lot of things. May we
recommend that you go through the latter part of this study book (entitled Predicting Marital Success) together! This material
is purposefully designed to help you in your getting to know one another more intimately, as well as, in over-all area of each
other's lives. You need to know how you still feel about the other person when you disagree on some basic issues of life. It
probably would help if you got in an argument to see how you would deal with strong disagreement.

4. It is a time to see one another more as they really are. Usually in dating there is an effort to put on your best "airs!" (Your best
self!). You need to see your potential marriage partner "behind the scene" (down to earth—the real person). Many have
married too quickly before they really knew the person and found out to their sorrow that they had married the wrong person.
Try to plan situations where the real person will come out so that you can evaluate whether you want to live with the person
for the rest of your life. This can be a real important issue for the girl, because she is to be in a submissive role in the home.

5. It is a time to get better acquainted with family and friends. Yes, it is great to be with a person you love dearly, but you also need
to be around his or her friends and family. Make plans where this will happen often. Evaluate each other's friends and family
by asking question:
a. Do I like their lifestyle?
b. Do I feel comfortable around them?
c. Do they accept me readily?
d. Do I like them just like I like my own friends and family?

6. It is important to realize that caution is necessary so as not to cause shame or regret. During this period of time, conduct
yourselves well, do not take chances of being alone too much or too often that allows strong temptations. A mistake in
judgment can be forgiven, but it will require greater effort to regain the trust—not only from your future mate, but from
friends and family also.

7. It is also a time, if one or both realize it is a mistake, it can be called off. The engagement period is a testing period! You are not
yet married! You should not act and conduct your associations as though you are married! If after sufficient time elapses, one
or both feel it is a mistake—there is no shame in calling off the wedding plans!

57
comparable age to those entering marriage, begin to live a life-style and vocation to which they have yet
to fully commit themselves. They live in an in-between stage—acting much like vowed religious or
priests but not yet formally or finally committed to such a vocation. This comparison will be repulsive for
some, since it seems to raise the specter of "trial marriage." Yet it remains intriguing for us to consider
that we have young persons move gradually and carefully into certain vocations, rather abruptly and often
without preparations. Quite apart from questions of sexual expression between an engaged couple, we can
ask how the passage into marriage might be structured with some of the care that goes into the vocations
of the priest and vowed religious.

During this ambiguous time of engagement, what are the specific tasks for the couple? An
obvious task, though it is not always attended to, is that of mutual sharing and self-disclosure. Who are
we? What do we hope for in this relationship? What apprehensions arise as we spend time together? The
duration of this stage becomes important in regard to these apprehensions: only with time can I become
aware of my deepest hopes and fears about a lifetime together. Whether these fears concern sexuality,
control, or career, it is most valuable that they can be heard and shared now. Our ability to attend to these
parts of ourselves now will be an indication of our ability to confront and resolve other difficulties and
fears which will arise later in our marriage.

In this early stage of the passage into marriage, a couple might inquire: From what is each of us
separating? What must we let go as we move into this new relationship? What, for instance, are our
expectations about closeness to our parents and family? Do we have significant differences about our
notions of independence from, or continuing relation with, our families? It can be very useful to examine
these questions for the first time now rather than two years after we are married.

Expectably, an engaged couple's attention is focused on the future. There are questions here, too,
that can help them explore the similarities and differences that exist in their visions of life together. How
do we think we should make our decisions after we are married? What size of family do we hope for?
Whatever the content of the reflection, these questions invite the couple beyond the glow of romantic
excitement which convinces them that "we like all the same things." Without suggesting that an engaged
couple become calculating and overly methodical, we can hope that they use this time well to deepen their
intimacy through a continuing and concrete sharing of hopes.

The discussion of intimacy and self-disclosure returns us to the question of sexual sharing. What
is appropriate and what is permitted? The notion of marriage as a passage with stages of deepening
intimacy and commitment threatens the conventional Christian understanding that all genital expression is
forbidden before marriage. In the past, Christians have been concerned that the growing intimacy between
the engaged couple not reach genital expression. A more contemporary concern for Christians might be
that this intimacy not be limited to genital expression. Many young adults today find sexual sharing easier
than psychological and religious self-disclosure. Christians hope for a growing intimacy which is more
than improved sexual compatibility: an increase in intimacy which includes a greater openness not only to
each other's bodies but also to each other's dreams and faith.

4. MARRIAGE

With our wedding vows and ceremony, our journey is not completed; it moves into another stage.
There is widespread recognition that the first months of a marriage are especially crucial to the
relationship. What occurs in this period will powerfully influence the later shape of the marriage and its
viability. We would like to explore this period—the first year or two of marriage—as a stage in the
passage into marriage. This approach reminds us that the couple is still in the process of marrying. This

58
analysis will help clarify the agenda that is special to this time and show how this stage of the passage
into marriage is itself concluded.

This stage likely begins with the honeymoon—a brief period of privacy and intimacy as the
couple is dramatically separated from their former ties. The commitment of exclusive intimacy that was
promised is now ritualized in this special time together which, fittingly, we take apart from the
distractions of jobs and everyday life. The honeymoon is preeminently a time for the couple to be alone: a
time to celebrate and build their intimacy, between the past demands and distractions of their former
families and the coming demands and distractions of their
future family.

Many couples today are choosing to lengthen, if not the honey moon, at least the initial phase of
their marriage, in which they give special attention to their relationship itself and its patterns of intimacy.
Two factors contribute to this. First, we are more impressed today with the need to understand each
other's patterns of work and play, of value and stress. In the first year or so of marriage a couple can
expect to learn many new things about themselves and each other. We may find that it is necessary for us
to reflect together on the importance of a career: What priority does work have in our marriage? What
will we sacrifice for your career, for my job? How will work fit in with the demands of raising a family?
This kind of decision making may be impossible to accomplish fully before we are married and share the
everyday experiences and stress of life together. We recognize the need to clarify some of these questions
before we begin our family.

There is another, related factor. Couples today are impressed with the important differences
between being a spouse and being a parent. As obvious as this may be, historical assumptions about
marriage and family have clouded the practical distinction between these two roles and vocations. When
―wife‖ and ―mother‖ merged as a single expectation of marriage, the important difference between these
two roles was obscured. Likewise, with the man: ―husband‖ and ―parent‖ both awaited him, but how,
precisely and practically, would these roles and tasks differ? Today many couples judge that they need
time to learn what and how it is to be spouse before taking on the responsibilities of being parent as well.

The delay in beginning a family often comes not from an unwillingness to have children, but
from a realization that we had best give careful attention to our intimacy – who we are together and how
we can support and challenge each other – before beginning our family. In the first few years of
marriage such careful attention to the relationship, assisted by the skills learned during the stage of
engagement, can build a strong foundation for our future family. Less optimistically, such attention will,
in some instances, help a couple to recognize a deep and unforeseen incompatibility. As tragic as this may
be, it is less tragic than discovering this after, and perhaps by means of, the birth of children.

The passage into marriage is completed in this mutual exploration of our priorities about work,
our styles of lovemaking and our methods of handling everyday decisions. Such a passage cannot happen
in honeymoon. Yet we can hope that in a year or two of careful attention to our mutual love we can build
a relationship that is able to support new life. For an effective ministry to marriage, it is important to
highlight this period, its expectable duration (certainly different for different couples) and its specific
tasks. Such attention will take us beyond exhortation and toward structuring opportunities in the parish
and elsewhere for couples to reflect together, concretely and skillfully, on the tasks of intimacy they are
confronting in these early years.

This important stage of the passage into marriage is emerging today with greater clarity. As it
does, we also see more clearly how this stage is most often concluded. The several-year-long transition,
with its focus on the couple and their growing mutuality, often comes to its fruition at the arrival of the
first child. Of course, a married couple‘s intimacy continues to grow and change throughout their life.

59
And not every couple can and chooses to have children, yet the usual, expectable conclusion of the initial
passage into a life of married intimacy occurs in the birth of the first child.

Our understanding of marriage as a passage suggests that one part of this lifelong journey, the
entry into mutual love, is concluding as a couple‘s love is turning in a new, outward direction. As the
relationship turns in this unfamiliar direction, conflict and strain are expected. An effective Christian
ministry to marriage will help couples anticipate this significant change. It will allow couples to recognize
this transition as not only a confusing time but one with great potentials. By so doing, Christian ministers
and communities can lead new parents beyond embarrassment into a recognition that they are in a new
place in their marriage. Such ministry is best understood not in terms of exhortation, but as facilitating the
sharing of feelings and the effective communication of needs in this time of stress and transition.

With the conclusion of the passage to marriage, attention turns more definitely outward. Roles are
multiplied as ―parents‖ combines with ―spouses.‖ Marriage well begun and maturing, turns to new
challenges and excitedly faces, with hope, the future.

60
 B. IMMEDIATE PREPARATIONS FOR MARRIAGE

As marriage is for adults, it requires a lot of preparation and journey to maturity. The maturity
required is not only limited to the intellectual, emotional, psychological and sexual maturity. Inclusive is a
developed and good understanding of the spiritual and social responsibility that comes with the married
life. Marriage, as an inviolable social institution, is the foundation of the family. The family, on the other
hand, is the foundation of the society and the nation. It is the fundamental unit and basic cell that forms
the society. Consequently, whatever happens to marriage will have an effect to the family; and whatever
happens to the family will have repercussions to the society as well.

Marriage and family are social institutions protected by law. Article II, section 12 of the 1987
Philippine Constitution ―recognizes the sanctity of family life‖ and affirms the duty of the State to
―protect and strengthen the family as a basic autonomous social institution.‖ Those intending to get
married therefore, must have a good understanding of the laws governing marriage which aim to promote,
safeguard and protect the welfare of the family. The legal requisites provided by the Family Code of the
Philippines are intended to ensure that those getting married possess the basic qualifications required of
the married life. These are just minimum requirements demanded by reason and local customs. The mere
possession of these basic qualifications, however, do not equate to a happy and fulfilling married life in
the future. Marriage is always a work in progress, never finished and a continuous process.

In the Philippines, marriage is governed by state laws and ecclesiastical laws. Filipinos planning
to get married therefore, have to comply with the requirements set forth by the Family Code of the
Philippines whether such marriage is civil or religious in nature. The state recognizes the validity of such
marriages as long as they satisfy the essential and formal requisites demanded by the Code. Likewise,
marriages performed in accordance with their religious beliefs not contrary to law are likewise considered
valid. In the case of Filipino Catholics, the provisions of the 1983 Code of Canon Law apply in
conjunction with the requisites of the local Family Code. The Filipino Muslims and those belonging to the
ethnic cultural minorities, on the other hand, are exempt from some requirements of the Family Code,
provided they are solemnized in accordance with their customs, rites or practices, or, in the case of the
Filipino Muslims, the Sharia law (Islamic Law).

The law of the Church focuses largely on the spiritual and psychological commitment brought to
the marriage. Marriage in the Christian context requires more than just a wedding ceremony. The Church
looks for a translation of the vows into a daily reality. A wedding always has the potential to become
marriage as long as the spouses have the intention and the capacity to carry the marriage beyond the
wedding day.

They need to understand the duties of marriage and be able to carry out these duties. This union is
only in its beginning stages at the time the wedding is celebrated.

1. Marriage in the Family Code of the Philippines

The Family Code of the Philippines defines marriage as ―a special contract of permanent union
between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with the law for the establishment of conjugal
and family life. It is the foundation of the family and an inviolable social institution whose nature,
consequences, and incidents are governed by law and not subject to stipulations, except that marriage
settlements may fix the property relations during the marriage within the limits provided by this Code.‖200

200 Article 1, Family Code of the Philippines (FCP, 1987).

61
Article I lays down the basic premise of our laws on marriage. It improves on the definition of marriage
in Art. 52 of the Old Civil Code of the Philippines by stating that:

A. Marriage is ―special‖ contract.

B. It is a ―permanent‖ union.
C. The union is between ―a man and a woman.‖
D. The union must be entered into ―in accordance with the law‖
E. The purpose of marriage is ―the establishment of conjugal and family life.‖

Purposes of Marriage:

A. Conjugal Union
B. Family Life

As to the purposes of marriage, marriage may not necessarily be for procreation, or for the
partners to have children, but it may also be only for companionship, as when the parties past the age of
procreation can still get married. Hence, the word, ―for the establishment of conjugal and family life‖
were used in stating the purpose of marriage.

A. Marriage as Contract

A contract is ―a meeting of the minds between two persons whereby one binds himself, with
respect to the other, to give something or to render some services.‖201 A contract binds both contracting
parties and has the force of law between them. Moreover, marriage is ―a special‖ contract in the sense
that:

1. Only a man and a woman can enter into marriage

2. Marriage is a permanent contract; it can only be dissolved by death or annulment
3. In a contract, agreement has the force of law between the husband and the wife; in
marriage, rights and duties are fixed by law and not subject to stipulations.
4. Breach of contract gives rise to action for damages, while breach of obligations of
husband and wife does not, but law prescribes penal and civil sanctions eg. adultery,
concubinage, legal separation, etc.

B. Marriage as a Social Institution

Marriage is no longer just a contract but an inviolable social institution. It is the foundation of the
family, and the state has the obligation to ―protect and strengthen the family as a basic autonomous social
institution.‖202 Being an institution of public order and policy, its nature, consequences, and incidents are
governed by law and not subject to stipulations.

It carries with it implications in two realms:

1. Personal rights and obligations of the spouses

The husband and the wife are obliged to live together, observe mutual love, respect
and fidelity, and render mutual help and support. 203

201 Article 1305, Civil Code of the Philippines (Civil Code, 1949).
202 Article II, section 12, 1987 Philippines Constitution (1987 Constitution, 1987).
203 Art. 68 (FCP, 1987).

62
 2. Property Relations204

The property relationship between husband and the wife shall be governed in the
following order:
2.1 by marriage settlements executed before marriage
2.2 by the provisions of this code
2.3 by the local custom

Requisites of Marriage

Essential Requisites:205

1. Legal Capacity
- Contracting parties must be at least 18 years of age, male and female, and not
under any impediment to marry. Impediments are mentioned in Art. 37
(incestuous marriage) and Art. 38 (void marriages).
- If the contracting parties are between the ages of 18 and 21, they must present
written consent to the marriage from their father, mother or legal guardian (Art.
14). While any contracting party between the age of 21 and 25 must present
written parental advice, i.e., a written indication that the parents are aware of the
couple's intent to marry (Art. 15).

2. Consent freely given by the contracting parties in the presence of the solemnizing
officer

Formal Requisites:206

1. Authority of the Solemnizing Officer

The following are authorized to solemnize marriage:

- Any incumbent member of the judiciary within the court‘s jurisdiction
- Any priest, rabbi, imam, or minister of any church or religious sect duly
authorized by his church or religious sect and registered with the office of the
Civil Registrar General.
- Any ship captain or airline chief only in cases of articulo mortis.
- Any military commander of a unit in the absence of a chaplain during military
operation cases involving in articulo mortis.
- Any consul-general, consul or vice-consul in marriages solemnized abroad.
- Mayors of cities and municipalities under the new Local Government Code

2. A Valid Marriage License

Under Art. 9 of the Family code, a marriage license shall be issued by the local
civil registrar where either contracting party resides. The application for the marriage
license shall be posted for ten (10) consecutive days outside the office of the civil

204 Art. 74 (FCP, 1987).

205 Art. 2 (FCP, 1987).
206 Art. 3 (FCP, 1987).

63
 registrar. A license shall be valid in any part of the Philippines for a period of 120
days and shall be automatically cancelled at the end of said period.
No valid marriage license, no valid marriage.

Marriages exempted from marriage license requirement:

- Marriages in articulo mortis (Article 27)

- No means of transportation (Article 28)
If the residence of either party is so located that there is no means of
transportation to enable such party to appear personally before the local civil
registrar, the marriage may be solemnized without necessity of a marriage
license.
- Marriages among Muslims or among members of the ethnic cultural
communities, provided they are solemnized in accordance with their customs,
rites or practices. (Article 33)
- Couples living together for at least five years and without any legal impediment
to marry each other. (Article 34)

3. Marriage Ceremony

- No particular form of the ceremony is required.

- Requires the appearance of the contracting parties before the solemnizing officer
and their personal declaration that they take each other as husband and wife in the
presence of not less than two witnesses of legal age.
- The marriage shall be solemnized publicly in the chambers of the judge or in open
court, in the church, chapel or temple or in the office of the consul-general, consul
or vice-consul, as the case may be, and not elsewhere.

Article 4 of the Family Code of the Philippines state that ―The absence of any of the essential and
formal requisites shall render the marriage void ab initio (void from the very start) except as stated in Art.
35 (2).

A defect in any of the essential requisites shall render the marriage voidable as provided
in Art. 45.

An irregularity in the formal requisites shall not affect the validity of the marriage but the
party or parties responsible for the irregularity shall be civilly, criminally and administratively
liable.

2. Marriage in the Catechism of the Church and the Code of Canon Law

Marriage is an intimate community of life and love, established by the Creator and endowed by
Him with its own proper laws. God, Himself, is the author of marriage. The vocation to marriage is
written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the Hand of the Creator. Marriage is not
purely a human institution. The marriage covenant is a relationship between husband and wife, a
permanent union of persons, capable of knowing and loving each other and God.207

207 The Catholic Church and Marriage (The Roman Catholic Diocese of Dallas, 2013).

64
 The Catholic Church believes that marriage is characterized by unity (monogamy) and
indissolubility (permanence). Marriage is between one man and one woman, who promise to be faithful to
each other. Marriage is a partnership for the good of the spouses, who are open to the procreation and
education of children. It is a partnership of life and love in which a man and a woman mutually and freely
accept each other and bestow on each other the very gift of themselves.

The Catholic Church, in its canon law and theology, describes marriage as a lifetime, exclusive
partnership between one man and one woman, who give and receive mutual help and love and, from their
union, bring forth and rear children. Marriages are always presumed valid until proven otherwise. If a
marriage involves two baptized Christians, it is presumed not only valid but also sacramental. If one or
both parties is unbaptized, the marriage still is presumed to be valid and a good and natural bond.208

What The 1983 Code of Canon Law209 says about marriage:

Canon 1055, 1°
The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish
between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered
toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring;
this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the
dignity of a sacrament.

Canon 1056:
The essential properties [of marriage] are unity and indissolubility; in
Christian marriage they acquire a distinctive firmness by reason of the sacrament.

Canon 1057, 1°:

A marriage is brought into being by the lawfully manifested consent of
persons who are legally capable. This consent cannot be supplied by any human
power.

Canon 1057, 2°:

Matrimonial consent is an act of will by which a man and a woman by an
irrevocable covenant mutually give and accept one another for the purpose of
establishing a marriage.

The exchange of consent between the spouses ―makes the marriage.‖ If consent is lacking, there
is no marriage. Consent must be canonically expressed between two persons who are capable of giving it.
The couple, by their free, mutual consent, makes the marriage covenant; and on that covenant they build
a life partnership. The officiant has an important role as the official witness at the wedding, representing
the entire community; but spouses bring into being the marriage by their exchange of consent. While the
sacrament is received at one moment, the grace of the sacrament continues to be administered and
received throughout their lives. Thus, their gift of themselves to each other is a gift of grace.210

Marital consent is a ―human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each
other.‖211

208 The Catholic Church and Marriage, 2013.

209 1983 Code of Canon Law (Vatican).
210 The Catholic Church and Marriage, 2013.
211 Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1627.

65
 This consent then binds the spouses to each other. Consent must be an act of the will of each of
the contracting parties, free from coercion or grave external fear. No human power can substitute for this
consent. If this freedom is lacking, the marriage is invalid. The Church holds the exchange of consent
between the spouses to be the indispensable element that "makes the marriage." If consent is lacking
there is no marriage.212 The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is
sealed by God Himself. From their covenant arises ―an institution, confirmed by the divine law…even in
the eyes of society.‖ The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God‘s covenant with human
beings.213

St. John Paul II in his Apostolic Exhortation ―Familiaris Consortio‖ affirms that ―conjugal love
involves a totality in which all the elements of the person enter. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a
unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and
faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility.‖214 The love of the spouses requires, of
its very nature, the unity and the indissolubility of the spouses‘ community of persons, which embraces
their entire life. They ―are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to
their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.‖215

The fruitfulness of conjugal love extends to the fruits of the moral, spiritual, and supernatural
life that parents hand on to their children by education. Parents are the principal and first educators of
their children. In this sense, the fundamental task of marriage and family is to be at the service of life.

Thus, marriage whether sacramental or a good and natural marriage, is created by God, and the
spouses are called to a perpetual, faithful, fruitful union directed toward the well-being of the spouses
and their offspring/s. Marriage as a covenant relationship between the spouses exemplifies God‘s love
for His people.

The Catholic Church believes marriage is a lifetime, exclusive partnership between a man and a
woman, who gives and receive mutual help and love and, from their union, brings forth children. When
Catholics and Eastern Orthodox Christians marry according to the requirements of their Churches, and
when people of other religions marry according to the requirements of civil law, the Catholic Church
presumes they marry validly.216

Because marriage is a lifetime commitment, the decision to marry is one of the most serious
decisions most people make.

2.1 What are the rules and requirements for a valid Catholic wedding?

Three essential elements are requires by the law of the Church for the validity of a
canonical marriage:217

A. Legal Capacity to Marry (Canons 1073 – 1094)

The couple must be capable of being married—―All persons who are not
prohibited by law can contract marriage.‖218 Therefore, the parties must be
free of any impediment that would prevent marriage.

212 CCC, 1626.

213 The Catholic Church and Marriage, 2013.
214 Familiaris Consortio, 13 (Paul_II, 1981).
215 CCC, 1644.
216 The Catholic Church and Marriage, 2013.
217 Javier Gonzalez OP, Church Marriage and Annulment. (Manila: Life Today, 2000), 9.

66
 B. Matrimonial Consent (Canons 1095 – 1107)
The couple must give their consent to be married — that is, by an act of
their will they irrevocably give and accept one another in order to establish
marriage (Canon 1057).

C. Canonical Form (Canons 1095 – 1107)

They must follow the canonical form for marriage—that is, they must be
married according to the laws of the Church so that the Church and the wider
community will be certain about the validity of their marriage.

A.1 Impediments under Legal Capacity

First, both persons must be capable of being married and free of any
impediment (obstacle) that would prevent marriage. Impediments to marriage
may include:

1. Lack of Required Age

Canon 1083 §1: A boy under sixteen years of age and a girl
under fourteen cannot validly contract marriage.

Note: It is within the power of the conference of Bishops to establish

an older age for the licit celebration of matrimony (Canon 1083). In
the case of the Philippines, CBCP fixed it on 18 years for both bride
and groom, in consonance with the Family Code of the Philippines.

2. Impotence
Canon 1084: Antecedent (exists prior to marriage) and perpetual
(cannot be corrected) impotency, either on the part of the man or the
woman, whether absolute or relative, by its very nature invalidates
marriage. Sterility neither invalidates nor makes marriage illicit.

Taylor and de Bekker in the book ―Parish Priests and Marriage

Cases‖ explained the reasons why impotence is an impediment to
legal capacity. They argued, ―impotence prevents the partners from
realizing the fullness of the hetero-sexual union of the whole life,
body and soul, which marriage by nature requires. What specifies
the conjugal union of life is its essential ordination to sexual
intercourse performed in a natural manner.

The physical elements of an act of sexual intercourse are:

penetration of the vagina of the woman by the male organ of the man
and ejaculation in the vagina.

Hence a man is impotent if he is unable:

- to have an erection of the male organ
- to penetrate the vagina of the woman
- to ejaculate inside the vagina

218 CIC, 1058.

67
 A woman is impotent:
- if she has no vagina
- if the vagina is not penetrable by the male organ‖ 219

The impotence, to be a diriment impediment, must be both

antecedent and perpetual. Antecedent means it is existing at the time
of the marriage; perpetual means that the impotence is lasting and
not merely temporary.

The impotence can be relative or absolute. It is absolute when

the person himself or herself is totally impotent. It is relative when
this particular man or woman is unable to have sexual intercourse
with each other only.

3. Previous Marriage

Canon 1085: A person bound by the bond of a previous marriage,

even if not consummated, invalidly attempts marriage.

4. Disparity of Worship

Canon 1086: A marriage between a Catholic and a non-baptized

person is invalid.

5. Sacred Order

Canon 1087: Marriage is invalidly contracted by those in sacred

orders; e.g. deacons, priests and bishops.

6. Perpetual Vow of Chastity

Canon 1088: Those who are bound by a public perpetual vow of

chastity in a religious institute invalidly attempt marriage.

7. Abduction

Canon 1089: No marriage can exist between a man and a woman

who has been abducted, or at least detained, with a view to
contracting marriage with her.

Even though the woman consents to marriage it will still be

invalid, not for want of consent but because of her position i.e.,
abducted and not separated from her abductor or detained against her
will.

219 G. Taylor. Parish Priests and Marriage Cases (Bangalore: Theological Publications in India, 1993), 28-29. Shall

henceforth be referred to as PPMC.

68
 8. Crime

Canon 1090: One who, with a view to entering marriage with a

particular person, has killed that person‘s spouse, or his or her own
spouse, invalidly attempts this marriage.

The reason for the impediment is the protection of an unwanted

partner in marriage.

9. Consanguinity

Canon 1091: Marriage is invalid between those related by

consanguinity in all degrees of the direct line, and up to the fourth
degree inclusive, in the collateral line.

The reason for the impediment is that marriage between those

related in the first degree (mother and son, father and daughter) of
the direct line is certainly against natural law and probably in other
degrees as also in the second degree (brother and sister) in the
collateral line. Church law forbids marriage in other degrees of the
collateral line since to do so between those closely related by blood
can be inimical to the social and moral good of the individuals
themselves and the physical and mental health of their children.220

10. Affinity

Canon 1092: Affinity is the relationship existing between one

spouse and the blood relatives of the other spouse. The impediment
extends to any degree of the direct line.

The relationship of affinity exists only between the husband and

the blood relatives of his wife and between the wife and the blood
relatives of the husband. The blood relatives of the husband have no
affinity with those of the wife and vice versa.

According to the Code, the relationship of affinity is invalidating

in any degree of the direct line only. Hence, a man can marry his
dead wife‘s sister and a woman her dead husband‘s brother.221

11. Public Propriety

Canon 1093: The impediment of public propriety arises when a

couple live together after an invalid marriage, or from a notorious or
public concubinage. It invalidates marriage in the first degree of the
direct line between the man and those related by consanguinity to the
woman, and vice versa.

220 PPMC, p. 36.

221 PPMC, p. 37.

69
 The code considers this relationship invalidated in the first degree of
the direct line only i.e., between a man and the mother or child (by
another) of his pseudo-wife or concubine and vice versa.222

12. Legal Relationship

Canon 1094: Those who are legally related by reason of adoption

cannot validly marry each other if their relationship is in the direct
line or in the second degree of the collateral line.
The adopting partner is barred from marrying the adopted child
and the adopted child is barred from marrying any of the natural
children of his or her adopting parents or even adopted children. By
adoption they become like blood relatives.

A.2 Matrimonial Consent

Canon 1057 §1: A marriage is brought into being by the lawfully

manifested consent of persons who are legally capable. This consent cannot be
supplied by any human power.

The validity of marital consent depends on a good number of factors:

First, on a minimal degree of knowledge of what marriage is and of

sufficient freedom to accept its responsibilities.

Secondly, on the personal psychological capacity to assume its essential

obligations.

Factors that invalidate consent:

1. Consensual Incapacity
a. Lack of Sufficient Use of Reason (Canon 1095 10)

A person can be deprived of sufficient use of reason for

matrimonial consent by permanent defect like certain mental illnesses or
by temporary defect i.e., grave temporary disturbance e.g., by
intoxication by drugs or alcohol etc. If that which robs the person of
sufficient use of reason is something permanent e.g., permanent mental
illness – it would also cause a grave defect of discretionary judgment and
would even render the person incapable of assuming the essential
obligations of marriage.223

b. Grave Lack of Due Discretion I(Canon 1095 20)

- those who suffer from a grave lack of discretionary judgment

concerning the essential matrimonial rights and obligations to be
mutually given and accepted;

222 PPMC, p. 38.

223 PPMC, pp. 53-54.

70
 - Discretion of judgment can be rendered defective by immaturity, by
certain nervous illness which distort the evaluative process or by
personality disorder which so moves the person to seek only himself
that he is not even able to understand what the duties and obligations
of marriage are, what married life implies.224

c. Inability to Assume Obligations

- Those who, because of causes of a psychological nature, are unable

to assume the essential obligations of marriage.

- One could summarize these rights and obligations as those required

to establish and sustain a conjugal communion of life i.e., that
relationship between the spouses which according to the common
estimation of the culture to which they belong is considered normal,
acceptable and humanly liveable. Thus, the person must be able to
establish an inter-personal relationship, provide for the good of the
other partner, render acts of sexual intercourse apt of themselves for
the generation of children and in a normal way, provide for the
physical and spiritual education of the children, and observe marital
fidelity.225

2. Ignorance

Canon 1096 §1: For matrimonial consent to exist, it is necessary

that the contracting parties be at least not ignorant of the fact that
marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and a woman,
ordered to the procreation of children through some form of sexual
cooperation.

The partners must know that a marriage is a lasting relationship

between a man and a woman and that the purpose of marriage is the
procreation of children. They must have at least a general knowledge of
the sexual activity which marriage implies.

3. Error

Canon 1097 §1: Error about a person renders a marriage invalid.

Error means thinking that something is different from what it is

in reality. Error of person means mistake about the physical identity of
the person.

4. Misconception

Canon 1097 §2: Error about a quality of the person, even

though it be the reason for the contract, does not render a marriage
invalid unless this quality is directly and principally intended.

224 PPMC, p. 54.

225 PPMC, p. 56.

71
 5. Fraud

Canon 1098: A person contracts invalidly who enters marriage

inveigled by deceit, perpetrated in order to secure consent, concerning
some quality of the other party, which of its very nature can seriously
disrupt the partnership of conjugal life.

6. Simulation

Canon 1101 §1: The internal consent of the mind is presumed to

conform to the words or the signs used in the celebration of a marriage.

§2: If, however, either or both of the parties should by a positive

act of will exclude marriage itself or any essential element of marriage or
any essential property, such party contracts invalidly.

No intention to contract marriage as the law of the Catholic

Church understands marriage. Rather, the ceremony was observed solely
as a means of obtaining something other than marriage itself, e.g., to
obtain legal status in the country or to legitimize a child.

It may also be in the case someone marrying somebody but

without the intention, implicitly or explicitly of having sexual
relationship with one‘s spouse, not remaining faithful, or not creating a
permanent relationship.

7. Condition

Canon 1102 §1: Marriage cannot be validly contracted subject to

a condition concerning the future.

8. Force or fear

Canon 1103: A marriage is invalid which was entered into by

reason of force or of grave fear imposed from outside, even if not
purposely, from which the person has no escape other than by choosing
marriage.

C.3 Canonical Form

Canon 1108 §1: Only those marriages are valid which are contracted in
the presence of the local Ordinary or parish priest or of the priest or deacon
delegated by either of them, who, in the presence of two witnesses, assists, in
accordance with the canonical form.

The canonical form of marriage consists in the external expression of

consent made by parties before an authorized assistant and two witnesses.

72
 Marriage invalidity due to the defect of form is established if:
1) The officiating priest, deacon, or lay person lacked the proper faculty or
delegation to witness the exchange of marriage contract.
2) The properly delegated official witness did not request and receive the consent
of the parties or received the consent of only one party while another minister
(undelegated Catholic or non-Catholic minister) requests and receives the
consent of the other party.
3) The exchange of marriage vows was omitted altogether in the course of the
marriage ceremony.

Dispensation from the observance of canonical form can be given in

danger of death according to the norms of c.1079.
The legitimate form for Catholics is the canonical form unless they are
dispensed from its observance.

Supplemental Materials:

Helpful Tips when preparing for the Wedding:

(Source: How to Get Married in the Philippines – An Ultimate Guide
https://www.filipiknow.net/how-to-get-married-in-the-philippines/ )

Part I. Getting Married in the Philippines – Basic Steps and Requirements

If you‘re planning to get married in the Philippines, there are few legal
requirements you need to know first, especially if you or your would-be spouse is 25
years old or below. Here are some of them:

Marrying parties should be a male and a female, at least 18 years old.

If you or your partner is 25 years old or below, a parental consent or advice is needed.
You and your partner must not be related by blood (up to 4th degree) and should be free
of legal impediments, such as being in a previous marriage (unless annulled, widowed, or
divorced).

There are specific requirements that you need to provide once you decide to have a
church wedding or civil wedding in the Philippines.
But regardless of the type of wedding ceremony, all couples undergo almost the same
process in getting married.

Step 1: Marriage license application.

Step 2: Attendance of required pre-wedding seminars and counseling
(Depending on your area, this may come before or after applying for a marriage
license).
Step 3: Release of marriage license.
Step 4: Marriage ceremony solemnized by an officer registered with the local
civil registrar and in the presence of 2 witnesses of legal age.
Step 5: Getting your official NSO marriage certificate.

73
Part II. How to Get a Marriage License in the Philippines

Marriage license is the most important legal document you need to secure when
preparing for your wedding. After all, you won‘t be allowed to have a church or civil
wedding without this.

What You Need:

Certified true copy of you and your partner‘s PSA (formerly NSO) birth
certificates (1 original and 2 photocopies). You can get this from the
PSA office or apply online through e-Census. For more information, you
can contact PSA Helpline Plus with telephone no. (632) 737.1111 or
email them at e-census.info@mail.census.gov.ph
Affidavit of parental consent or advice. The legal age for marriage in the
Philippines is 18. If either of you are between the ages 18 and 21, a
consent from the father, mother, surviving parent or guardian should be
obtained. On the other hand, if either of you are between the ages of 22
and 25, a written parental advice indicating that your parents are aware
of your intent to marry will be required. You can come with your parents
during application or just bring a notarized letter of consent/advice.
Certificate of No Marriage (CENOMAR) or Certificate of Singleness (1
original and 1 photocopy). This document is a proof that you haven‘t
been married before and is issued by the PSA.
Certificate of Attendance in a pre-marriage counseling, family planning,
and responsible parenthood seminar. The pre-marriage counseling is
usually conducted by the Church or the DSWD for civil marriages. The
family planning and responsible parenthood seminar, on the other hand,
is held at the health department (specifically the Division of Maternal
and Child Health) of your municipal/city hall. Be sure to check the
schedules as some are conducted daily while others have a specific
schedule within the week. If you failed to secure the certificates before
applying for a marriage license, you will be asked to attend the required
seminars before your wedding date.
Community Tax Certificate or Cedula (1 original and 2 photocopies).
Barangay Clearance (1 original and 1 photocopy).
At least 2 valid IDs.
Recent 1 x 1 photo (colored or black and white).
Marriage license application form (issues by the LCR office).

To apply for the license, both parties must go to the local civil registrar of the
city, town or municipality where either the groom or the bride habitually resides.
Marriage license is usually released 2 weeks (10 days) after you apply for it.

Once issued, the marriage license can be used wherever you want to get married
in the Philippines. However, it is only valid within 120 days of issuance and ―shall be
deemed automatically cancelled at the expiration of said period if the contracting parties
have not made use of it.‖

74
 Other requirements (in addition to above):
If annulled, Certificate of Finality of Annulment from the Court (1
original and 2 photocopies) and Certificate of Registration from the
Local Civil Registrar (1 original and 2 photocopies).
If widowed, Death Certificate of deceased spouse.

For foreigners:
Certificate of Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage. This document,
issued by the consular office/embassy of the foreigner‘s country, serves
as a proof of his/her civil status and eligibility for marriage in the
Philippines. For more information, see Part VI and Part VII.
A photocopy of passport.

What To Do:

Now that you know the basic requirements to bring, here are the steps you need
to follow in order to get the marriage license:

Step 1: Get an application form (Form 90) from the local registry office.
Step 2: Fill out the form. The left portion of the sheet should be filled out by the
groom while the other half is for the bride.
Step 3: Attach the necessary documents (see list of requirements above) and
submit the accomplished form to either you or your partner‘s municipal office.
To avoid hassles and long queues, go to the municipal office either in the
morning or right after lunch.
Step 4: Get the claim slip. If you haven‘t attended the required seminars yet, the
slip that will be given to you is the one that asks you to attend the pre-marriage
counseling, family planning, and responsible parenthood seminar (see list of
requirements above). You will then present the certificate of attendance to claim
your marriage license.
Step 5: Wait for 10 days before the marriage license is released. Once issued, the
license will only be valid within 120 days or four months.

Part III. Church Wedding in the Philippines – Procedures & Requirements

What You Need and What To Do:

Marriage license. The document must be within 4 months of validity period (see
Part II). If you previously married in a civil wedding, you must submit registered
marriage contract.

Baptismal and confirmation certificates (6 months validity). Because marriage

is one of the Church sacraments, you and your partner must submit a proof that
you have previously received the sacrament of baptism. The copies that you‘ll
submit must be new, acquired 3 months before the wedding, and with an
annotation ―For marriage purposes only.‖ Some parishes can‘t issue these
documents instantly as they don‘t have digital records of these files yet. Make
sure to process these papers as early as possible.

75
 Copy of PSA (previously known as NSO) birth certificate and Certificate of
No Record of Marriage (CENOMAR). You can secure these documents either
online or by going to the PSA office. Most churches accept birth certificates as
long as they are still within 6 months from the date of issuance.

Pre-Cana/Marriage preparation seminar. Because marriage is a lifelong

commitment, this seminar is provided to help couples learn more about each
other, resolve any issues prior to getting married, and gain insights about their
future life together. Topics may include parenting, sexuality, family planning,
among others. Although most parish churches conduct the seminar every month,
you should still ask the church coordinator about the schedules to make sure you
won‘t miss it. Some churches also recognize other independent organizations like
Catholic Engaged Encounter (CEE), Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM), and
Discovery Weekend Philippines (DW) which provide seminars or retreats for
couples. If you attend seminars from any of these, you need to submit certificates
of attendance as a proof.

Canonical interview. This is when you and your partner will meet the parish
priest (or his assistant) of your chosen church. Request to the church coordinator
to have the interview scheduled 1 to 2 months before your wedding. The parish
may also send you a list of questions before the interview to give you more time
to prepare. During the interview, the priest will explore your decision to get
married by asking questions about your family background, how long you have
known each other, and so forth.

Marriage Banns. These are written wedding announcements that will be posted
on the bulletin boards of the couple‘s respective parishes. To obtain the marriage
banns, both the bride and groom must know the specific name of their respective
parish priest and the address of their parochial church. After receiving these
information, the wedding church will then prepare a letter requesting for the
marriage banns. The banns are posted in the couple‘s parishes for three
consecutive weeks, which explains why you need to complete the wedding
requirements a month before the event. After that, you can now retrieve the letter
from the parish office with a reply indicating that no impediments exist and that
the wedding can push through.

List of principal sponsors and entourage members. The copy of the wedding
invitation along with the official list of entourage members should be submitted
to the parish church where you will get married a week before your wedding
date. Make sure to ask the church for any restrictions or additional requirements
before finalizing the list. Note that the names of the principal sponsors are
important as they will be included in the marriage license.

Confession. Some churches require couples to attend a confession days before

the wedding. Through this event, they will be forgiven of their sins and receive
the most out of the sacrament.

Other requirements:
ID pictures. Size, color, and number will depend on your church‘s requirements.
List of songs, if applicable.
Permits for photographers and videographers, if applicable.

76
Note: If you have other questions, please contact your city hall or church directly. Know
the exact date and time when all the requirements will be released so you can plan your
wedding, hassle-free.

Part IV. Civil Wedding in the Philippines – Procedures & Requirements

A civil wedding is usually conducted by a judge of the RTC court, but it can also
be performed by the Mayor of a city.

Here are the requirements and procedures you need to remember if you‘re
planning to have a civil wedding in the Philippines:

What You Need:

Marriage license
Certified True Copy of Baptismal Certificate or Birth Certificate of both parties.
Community tax certificates (CEDULA) of both applicants.
1 ID photo (colored background or black and white) of each applicant.
Certificate of Attendance to a wedding seminar. Couples are required to attend
pre-marriage counseling and family planning seminar. These are usually given in
the city hall and are required before you can claim your marriage license. Check
your municipality for the complete list of schedules.
Letter of Intent to Marry. As the name suggests, this letter should express your
intent to marry and also includes your name and your fiancee‘s name, your
signatures, and your suggested wedding dates.

Other requirements:
If widowed, Certified True Copy of Death Certificate of deceased spouse.
If divorced or annulled, a copy of Final Decree of Absolute Divorce or Court
Decision and Absolute Decree of Finality from the court.

For foreigners:
Certificate of Legal Capacity to Marry (or Certificate of No Impediment for
British applicants) issued by the consular office/embassy of the foreigner‘s
country. For more information, see Part VI and Part VII.
Photocopy of passport (showing the Date of Arrival and Data).

What To Do:
Step 1: Go to your civil registrar‘s office to apply and pay the required fees for a
marriage license. Beware of swindlers. Make sure you only deal with the staff of the
Civil Registrar‘s office.
Step 2: Proceed to the Mayor‘s office and submit the Letter of Intent to Marry together
with the marriage license to the secretary.
Step 3: Wait for the confirmation that your suggested wedding dates are available. Civil
weddings are usually officiated by a judge or the Mayor in a city hall court. If you have a
preferred venue, seek the approval of your chosen officiating officer first.
Step 4: Find at least two people within the legal age who will serve as your witnesses. If
either you or your partner is below 18 years old, a parent or a guardian is required.

77
Step 5: During your wedding day, you need to pay a filing fee which usually costs 100
pesos. This is to enable them to forward their own facsimile of the marriage contract to
the local civil registrar. You will then get the facsimile of the marriage certificate from
NSO after 1 to 2 months.
Step 6: Proceed to the official civil wedding ceremony.

78
 BIBLIOGRAPHY

1987 Philippine Constitution. (1987, February 2). Retrieved May 01, 2018, from
http://www.officialgazette.gov.ph/constitutions/1987-constitution/

Catechism of the Catholic Church. (1992, August 15). Vatican City, Vatican. Retrieved May 01, 2018,
from http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htmL

Civil Code of the Philippines. (1949, June 18). Retrieved May 01, 2018, from
http://www.officialgazette.gov.ph/1949/06/18/republic-act-no-386/

Code of Canon Law. (1983). Vatican City. Retrieved May 01, 2018, from
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3V.HTM

Family Code of the Philippines. (1987, July 06). (Article 1). Retrieved May 01, 2018, from
http://www.officialgazette.gov.ph/1987/07/06/executive-order-no-209-s-1987/

G. Taylor, E. d. (1993). Parish Priests and Marriage Cases. Bangalore, India: Theological Publications in
India.

Javier Gonzalez, O. (2000). Church Marriage and Annulment. Manila, Philippines: Life Today
Publications. Retrieved 55

John Paul II. (1981, November 22). Familiaris Consortio. Vatican: Vatican. Retrieved May 01, 2018,
from http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-
ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio.html

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Dallas. (2013, June 5). The Catholic Church and Marriage. Retrieved
May 01, 2018, from Catholic Diocese of Dallas:
https://www.cathdal.org/Church_and_Marriage_090722_2013-06-05.pdf

Supplemental Notes:

Online Sources:

How to Get Married in the Philippines – An Ultimate Guide

https://www.filipiknow.net/how-to-get-married-in-the-philippines/
Here are the Requirements You Need for a Catholic Church Wedding
https://brideandbreakfast.ph/2017/06/06/here-are-the-requirements-you-need-for-a-catholic-church-
wedding/

http://catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/rules-requirements.htm

79
 UNIT IV

Pastoral Response of the Church to Issues Affecting the Family

Introduction

The Second Vatican Council, through the document Gaudium et Spes raised the subject of the family
as an urgent pastoral concern.226 (GS 46) The urgency stems from the fast paced transformation that the
world is witnessing and experiencing due to the technological advancements and ideological bureaucracy.
Indeed, the modern times have ushered a positive contribution to the development of the families in the
world. However, along with these changes, both cultural and economic, including social, have led to the
deterioration of the integrity of the family which Lynn Wardle attributes to some conditions such as
sexual relations and childbearing outside marriage, elective abortions and permissive abortion laws, non-
marital cohabitation and reluctance to marry, same-sex partnership and parenting, the abandonment of
marital and parental child-raising and divorce.227

In Familiaris Consortio, St. John Paul II notices there is an increasing effort to improve marital and
family life brought about by the renewed awareness of the dignity of marriage and family. But there are
negative developments as well, such as the mistaken notion of independence between spouses and the
relationship of authority between parents and children. He also mentions the difficulties in the
transmission of values, the problem of abortion and the spread of contraceptive mentality.228 The same
pastoral concerns and challenges about the family were also raised in the last Synod on the Family
convoked in October 2015. It is in this context, that this part shall discuss the challenges that rock the
foundations of the family. We shall answer the following questions:

1. What are the general challenges of the families today?

2. How do we explain the existence of these challenges?
3. How can we address them?

I. Current Threats Affecting the Family

A. Challenge of Sexual Liberalism

The spread of sexual permissiveness is normally attributed to the sexual revolution of the
70‘s where widespread changes in men‘s and women‘s roles and greater public acceptance of
sexuality is considered as a normal part of social development. It resulted in a more liberal
expression of sexual freedom challenging the traditional exercise of sexuality within the context of
marriage and family.229 Belen Medina explains this as a result of the changes brought about by both
modernization and industrialization. The transition of production from the use of human power

226Second Vatican Council, “Gaudium et Spes,” The Conciliar and Post-Conciliar Documents, ed. Austin Flannery,
OP, (Pasay City: Daughters of St. Paul, 1984), 46.
227 Lynn D. Wardle, “Threats and Challenges to the Family in the 21st Century,” The Family at the Center of Human

Development, (Office on Women, The CBCP, 2001), p.47.

228 Pope John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, Apostolic Exhortation on the Role of The Christian Family in the Modern

World, (Manila: Pauline Publishing House, 2005), 47.

229 Margaret L. Andersen and Howard F. Taylor, Sociology, The Essentials, 7th ed. (Wadsworth: CENGAGE

Learning,2012), 295.

80
 toward the use of machine (industrialization) and the steady flow of people from the rural area to the
urban area (urbanization) prompted more members of the family to seek work outside the domain of
the home. The children‘s exposure, therefore, to the life of the city contributed to the loosening of
norms and behavior since the usual social pressure inside the family is most often weak in the city.
Family relationships have become less strong and insignificant since non-kin relationships in business
and school have become more important than relationships inside the home.230

In contemporary setting, indicators of sexual liberalism come in the form of casual sex,
premarital sex, teenage pregnancy, marital infidelities, cohabitation, same-sex marriage and divorce.
These are practices where personal choice, individual freedom and responsibilities are set aside. And
to delve deeper into these, one discovers the negative impact of these practices to the family as a
social institution together with its effects to the individual members in it.

1. Casual Sex.

Casual sex refers to the vaginal intercourse among unmarried individuals that occurs outside
committed intimate relationships. It is more common among individuals who are transitioning from
adolescence to young adulthood. Sociologists explain the practice of casual sex from the perspective
of the life-course theory where it is a normal stage of development that young people undergo as they
move toward the stage of adulthood. Because they are not yet ready for serious commitment and are
more focused on their studies, young people engage in casual sex as an alternative to more serious
relationships. It becomes an outlet for sexual behavior without the commitment to romantic
relationships. Now, as young adults anticipate transitioning into roles related to adulthood such as
those associated with marriage, they may be less likely to participate in casual sex.

Most often, young people are motivated by the following reasons: (1.) physical and sexual
gratification without the emotional attachment. They just want ―to have fun.‖ (2.) Due to the role of
substance use such as drugs and alcohol. Those who engage in it are most often under its influence
(3.) For purposes of enhancing one‘s social status among peers. It appears that being able to find
someone for purposes of casual sex increases one‘s self-esteem and desirability among their peers.

Though some will argue that casual sex may eventually lead to committed relationships, studies
reveal of its negative impact. Those who engage in it are more prone to feelings of regret, poorer
relationship quality, depressive symptoms, reputational concerns, lower educational attainment and
possible unwanted pregnancy.231

2. Pre-Marital Sex.

Pre-marital sex activity is more common among affluent nations. It is likely that this came from
structural and cultural changes that promote secularization and individualism.232 In the United States,
the practice of pre-marital sex is connected to what they call the ―hookup‖ culture and is highly
considered to be a normative behavior for both male and female. In a study which measured the
trends of premarital sex in the United States from 1954-2003, findings show consistently among the
respondents that they engaged in intercourse before marrying and that there is an increasing trend of

230 Belen T. Medina, The Filipino Family, (Quezon City: UP Press, 2001), p.60.
231 Heidi A. Lyons, et.al, “Young Adult Casual Sexual Behaviors: Life-Course, Specific Motivations and
Consequences,” Sociological Perspectives, Vol. 57, No. 1 (Spring 2014), p. 80-82.
232 Paula England and Jonathan Bearak, “The Sexual Double Standard and Gender Differences in Attitudes

toward Casual Sex among US University Students,” Demographic Research, Vol. 30, (January- June 2014), p.1327.

81
 engaging in premarital sex as the years go by. It is believed that one of the reasons for this trend is
the increased availability of effective contraception particularly the pill which made it less likely that
sex would lead to pregnancy.233

Other factors which influence the practice of premarital sex was identified by another study in an
Asian setting where sexual intercourse among male adolescents showed significant association with
exposure to pornography, living in low-cost housing, dropping out of school, having divorced parents,
substance (tobacco, alcohol or drug) use, involvement in gang activities, permissive attitudes
regarding premarital sex, lack of confidence in resisting peer pressure, perception that one half or
more of their friends were sexually active. Primary self- reported reasons for the first sexual
intercourse among boys were curiosity, love and inability to control themselves. In the case of female
adolescents, one of the risk factors for premarital sex was a history of sexual abuse. Girls who had
been sexually abused are eight (8) times more likely to engage voluntary in sexual intercourse. Other
significant predictors of premarital intercourse is dropping out of school and not having a mother to
confide with when in trouble. Self-reported reasons were love, curiosity, and not knowing how to say
no. Majority of the respondents revealed that they did not intend to have sex but engaged in sex
subsequently because they could not control themselves, lacked the skills to say no and were under
the influence of alcohol or drugs.234

In a study conducted to identify the possible consequences of premarital sex, respondents

revealed the following consequences:

(1) Regret. Among female respondents, they realized the loss of their virginity and how eventually
they were dumped by their partners.
(2) Drug Abuse. Drug use was common among male respondents in order to enhance sexual
performance and later became addicted to it.
(3) Unwanted Pregnancy. Respondents reveal that they were cases of abortion and dropping out of
school due to unwanted pregnancy.
(4) Bondage. This is a situation where a student is expected to always have sex on a regular basis
with an individual because the person is in possession of one‘s secret or know one‘s
weaknesses.
(5) Loss of Self-Respect especially among the female. This is due to the experience of being used
for sexual purposes alone and how easily they gave in to the demands of their partners. Those
who got pregnant and had abortion also suffered from low self-esteem.
(6) Corruption of Character. The practice of virtues such as respect, honesty, care, fairness and
self-control diminished in the measure that one engages in premarital sex. It also undermines
the value of commitment and responsibility and sex, itself.
(7) Depression. Premarital sex can lead to depression because of the loss of self-esteem, having
sex for economic reasons alone and how eventually partners break up their relationship.
(8) Fear of Future commitment. This is due to the negative emotions that arise from a temporary
sexual relationship.
(9) HIV/STDs. The risk of contracting HIV and STDs is very common among those who engage
in premarital sex especially those with multiple partners.
(10) Guilt. Though some of the respondents said that sex can be pleasurable, they later experience
guilt or regret for violating their conscience, their parents and their religious convictions.

233 Lawrence B. Finer, Ph.D, “Trends in Premarital Sex in the United States, 1954-2003,” Public Health Reports,

January-February 2007, Vol. 122, p.76.

234 Mee-Lian Wong, et. al., “Premarital Sexual Intercourse Among Adolescents in an Asian Country: Multilevel

Ecological Factors,” PEDIATRICS, Volume 124, No. 1 July 2009, p. 48-49.

82
 (11) Poor academic performance. Instead of dedicating one‘s time for study, those who engage in
premarital sex lack focus and are distracted in their classes.
(12) Loss of family support. Parents may withdraw support to their children especially if they found
out that their children are engaged in it. 235

3. Teenage Pregnancy

Teenage pregnancy is the most likely consequence when people engage in premarital sex at a very
young age. In a study made to compare which is more of a predictor of teenage pregnancy, early sexual
activity or childhood sexual abuse, results showed that early sexual activity was more of a predictor of
teenage pregnancy than childhood sexual abuse. Many of the respondents who got pregnant compared
with those who were sexually abused had early sexual experiences. Perpetrators of sexual abuse were
most often their boyfriends, friends or a family member. Findings also reveal that both respondents have
mothers with less than high school education, to have smoked as a teenager, to have exchanged sex for
alcohol, drug or money; to have sex on a first date; to have failed to use a contraceptive method and to
have had two or more partners in the year after being sexually active.236

Teenage pregnancy is particularly a concern because it poses health risk to the one involved. Most
often, pregnant young women are not prepared for the consequences of pregnancy, both physically and
psychologically. Thus, it is usually one of the reasons why women seek for induced abortion which
sometimes leads to fatal results.

4. Marital Infidelity

Majority of the respondents in a study about marital infidelity defined the word as ―physical or
emotional relationship with someone other than the spouse.‖ Others, defined it is as being untrue to an
agreed commitment made with a person in an intimate relationship, ―creation of distrust,‖ or simply
―cheating.‖237

In this study, respondents reveal as well that sexual infidelity poses a direct threat to one‘s emotional
and economic security, especially when children are involved and STIs are transmitted. The distrust and
disrespect engendered through unprotected sex have emotional and economic repercussions when
children are born. Respondents also expressed that marital infidelity undermined their self-confidence and
lessened their self-esteem.

Motives for engaging in extra-marital affairs fall under the categories of sex, emotional intimacy, love
and ego bolstering and personal gratification. Some people‘s tastes and values increase the likelihood that
they will engage in extramarital sex. People who are highly interested in sex might eschew exclusivity
because they anticipate greater pleasure from extramarital relations. If they are more interested in sex,
they will likely have multiple partners. Pieces of evidence also reveal that the more sexual experience
someone has, the likelihood he might engage in extra-marital affairs. 238

235 Dr. Musa Abdullahi, Ph.D. ad Abdulah Umar, “Consequences of Pre-Marital Sex among the Youth in the
University of Maiduguri,” IOSR Journal of Humanities and Social Science, Vol. 10, Issue 1 (Mar-April 2013), p.12-15.
236 M. Witwer, “Early Sexual Activity, but not Childhood Sexual Abuse, Increases the Odds of Teenage

Pregnancy,” Family Planning Perspectives, Vol. 29, No. 4 (July-August 1997) p. 195-196.
237 Ebony A. Utley, “When Better Becomes Worse: Black Wives Describe their Experiences with Infidelity,” Black

Women, Gender and Families, Vol. 5, No.1 (Spring 2011), p. 66.

238 Judith Treas and Deirdre Giesen, “Sexual Infidelity among Married and Cohabiting Americans,” Journal of

Marriage and Family, Vol. 62, No. 1 (Feb., 2000) p. 58.

83
 The nature of the primary relationship also proved important. Cohabitors are more likely to engage in
infidelity than married people. Their low investments in their unions accounted for their greater risk to
commit infidelity. Cohabitors who went on to marry were no less likely to demand sexual exclusivity than
people who married without the experimentation of cohabitation.

Dissatisfaction with marital relationship itself is also associated with extramarital sex. Those who
engage in adultery are less likely to report happy marriages. Infidelity has been linked to men‘s sexual
dissatisfaction and to women‘s perception of inequity in the marriage. Between men and women, men are
more likely to engage in extramarital affairs, perhaps because of male-female differences in reproductive
strategies. Women are more likely to be pregnant in this case. 239

5. Cohabitation

Defining cohabitation is very complex, but it is generally used to describe the relationship between
married couples who live together as husband and wife. According to this definition, cohabitation is more
of a testing ground for marriage, much like an engagement. There are three types of cohabitation: (1)
temporary or casual cohabitation entered into without commitment (2) conscious preparation for marriage
like ―trial marriage‖ (3) cohabitation as a ―substitute‖ for marriage either because the couple is opposed to
marriage as an institution, or because they live in a society where cohabitation is an institution already.240

There are serious consequences of cohabitation and sex outside marriage: unwanted pregnancy, shot-
gun marriage, emotional breakdown, suicide, sexually transmitted infection, marriage breakdown and
sin.241

6. Same-Sex Marriage

The dominant framing of the same-sex marriage debate defines the conflict as a battle over extending
civil rights to same-sex couples versus preserving and protecting the sanctity of marriage as a union
between one man and one woman. Proponents of same-sex marriage argue that gay and lesbian couples
should be entitled to the same rights as hetererosexual couples under the law. With changing attitudes
toward marriage comes changing attitudes toward the family. In the US, Americans have broadened their
definition of what it means to be a family over the past couple of decades. Their attitudes as a whole
toward family status and composition are shifting towards a more neutral or tolerant outlook, similar to
the shifts seen in attitudes toward same-sex legal unions.242

In contrast, those who define the purpose of marriage solely as union for bearing and having children
which is the more conservative viewpoint are less likely to support gay and lesbian couples raising
children because they think the evolving trend for same-sex unions threatens or weakens the institution of
marriage of heterosexual marriage and their more traditional sense of what it means to be a family. 243

B. CHALLENGE OF ANTI-LIFE MENTALITY

239 Ibid., 49.

240 Thenandavha D. Mashau, “Cohabitation and Pre-Marital Sex Amongst Christian Youth in South Africa today: A
Missional Reflection,” HTS Theologiesi Studies 67 (2), Art. No. 899, p.57
241 Ibid. p. 59.
242 Amy B. Becker, “What’s Marriage (And Family) Got to do with it? Support for Same-Sex Marriage, Legal

Unions and Gay and Lesbian Couples,” Social Science Quarterly, Vol. 93, No. 4 (Dec. 2012), p. 1008.
243 Ibid., p.1011.

84
 There are several factors to which we attribute the increasing incidence of contraception and abortion
worldwide. Newbury ascribes its roots to what we call the ―contraceptive mentality‖ influenced much by
humanist ideology, the Malthusian theory, and the movement of radical feminism advocating ‗women‘s
rights‘ over their sexuality and their bodies. Another factor is the widespread legalization of abortion
especially in western countries resulting in more than seventy million surgical abortions each year. A key
factor responsible for the striking down of laws protecting the unborn children is the role of international
finance organizations influencing family planning policies of poor countries in exchange for foreign aid.
244

The Catholic Church is most alarmed with the prevalent use of contraceptives. In 1968, Pope Paul VI
wrote Humanae Vitae, an encyclical on the regulation of births. From the citations, Pope Paul VI regarded
the use of artificial contraception as an impairment or mutilation of a conjugal act intended by God to
remain open to the transmission of life. It is against nature to misuse the natural sexual faculty possessed
by every human person and the use of artificial contraception constitutes such a misuse. 245

Blessed Paul VI further warned the faithful about the possible consequences of the use of
contraceptives. It would open the way for marital infidelity and overall decline of morality. It is also
feared that with the growing use of contraceptives, man may finally consider women as only mere
instruments for selfish pleasure.246

In Evangelium Vitae, St. Pope John Paul II mentioned the issue on contraception and abortion as
violation of the rights of the unborn and an indication of the growing culture of death in our society.
People are no longer accountable and responsible for the exercise of their sexuality because the birth of
children has become a burden to them. He explicitly identified this as a direct assault to the family which
is the sanctuary of life.247

C. FAMILIES IN CHALLENGING CONDITIONS

1. UNEMPLOYMENT

The family is a site for the mediation of social and individual well-being. This means that the state of
the family has great impact on how members deal with the situation they are in. To be specific,
unemployment or simply, when parents do not have a stable source of income to accommodate and
support the needs of the family, it hugely affects its members more than those who are actually employed.
A large number of studies indicate the various kinds of adversity that are likely to occur among families
hit by unemployment. It is generally found that unemployment is correlated with such things as
propensity for divorce and affects the well-being of spouse and children.248

2. MIGRATION

Transnational migration from the global south is creating new family forms. Growing numbers of
parents from low-income countries in Southeast Asia are joining the global movement of workers

244 Claude B. Newbury, “The Ravages of Contraception and Abortion.” Moving Families for Life and Love, (Quezon

City: Human Life International Asia, 2001), 59-64.

245 K.D. Whitehead, Agenda for Sexual Revolution, Abortion, Contraception, Sex Education and Related Evils,

(Chicago: Franciscan Herald Press, 1981), 16.

246 Ibid., 22.
247 EV, 13-15.
248 Sara Strom, “Unemployment and Families: A Review of Research,” Social Science Review, Vol. 77, No. 3

(September 2003),

85
responding to the labor shortage in wealthier countries. As population in more developed countries age
and demand for service workers grows, an increasing proportion of these migrant parents are mothers
who leave their families and children behind to take up temporary employment providing domestic and
care services to distant others. A common feature of all such migrations is the creation of transnational
family whose children are geographically separated from one or both parents over an extended period. If
transnational labor migration is considered a family livelihood strategy that balances economic
improvement against family separation, then one potential cost is a negative impact of separation from
parent on the psychological well-being of children left behind.

―Migration is another sign of the times to be faced and understood in terms of its negative effects
on family life‖. The recent Synod drew attention to this issue, noting that ―in various ways, migration
affects whole populations in different parts of the world. Human mobility, which corresponds to the
natural historical movement of peoples, can prove to be a genuine enrichment for both families that
migrate and countries that welcome them. Furthermore, forced migration of families, resulting from
situations of war, persecution, poverty and injustice, and marked by the vicissitudes of a journey that
often puts lives at risk, traumatizes people and destabilizes families.249

Migration is particularly dramatic and devastating to families and individuals when it takes place
illegally and is supported by international networks of human trafficking. This is equally true when it
involves women or unaccompanied children who are forced to endure long periods of time in temporary
facilities and refugee camps, where it is impossible to start a process of integration. Extreme poverty and
other situations of family breakdown sometimes even lead families to sell their children for prostitution or
for organ trafficking‖.250

3. FAMILIES WITH ELDERLY

―Most families have great respect for the elderly, surrounding them with affection and considering
them a blessing. A special word of appreciation is due to those associations and family movements
committed to serving the elderly, both spiritually and socially... In highly industrialized societies, where
the number of elderly persons is growing even as the birth rate declines, they can be regarded as a burden.
On the other hand, the care that they require often puts a strain on their loved ones. The elderly who are
vulnerable and dependent are at times unfairly exploited simply for economic advantage. Many families
show us that it is possible to approach the last stages of life by emphasizing the importance of a person‘s
sense of fulfillment and participation in the Lord‘s paschal mystery.251

4. FAMILIES WITH DISABLED PERSONS

―The Fathers also called particular attention to ―families of persons with special needs, where the
unexpected challenge of dealing with a disability can upset a family‘s equilibrium, desires and
expectations... Families who lovingly accept the difficult trial of a child with special needs are greatly to
be admired. They render the Church and society an invaluable witness of faithfulness to the gift of life. In
these situations, the family can discover, together with the Christian community, new approaches, new
ways of acting, a different way of understanding and identifying with others, by welcoming and caring for
the mystery of the frailty of human life. People with disabilities are a gift for the family and an
opportunity to grow in love, mutual aid and unity... If the family, in the light of the faith, accepts the
presence of persons with special needs, they will be able to recognize and ensure the quality and value of

249 Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia Post Synodal Apostolic Exhortation of the Holy Father Francis on love in the

Family, (Manila: Paulines Publishing House, 2016), no.46.

250 Ibid., 47.
251 Ibid., 48.

86
every human life, with its proper needs, rights and opportunities. This approach will promote care and
services on behalf of these disadvantaged persons and will encourage people to draw near to them and
provide affection at every stage of their life‖. Here I would stress that dedication and concern shown to
migrants and to persons with special needs alike are signs of the presence of the Spirit. Both situations are
paradigmatic: they serve as a test of our commitment to show mercy in welcoming others and to help the
vulnerable to be fully a part of our communities. 252

5. SINGLE-PARENT FAMILIES

Single-Parent families most often occur because of separation and divorce of marital couples.
This structure can also be attributed to widowhood, adoption and premarital births. Concerns that are
expressed about single-parent families may have more to do with women who head most one-parent
families with insufficient or absent financial support from a former spouse. Compared with their
counterparts from traditional two-parent families, young adults raised by single parents (primarily single
mothers) tend to have lower educational occupational and economic attainment. The economic
disadvantage of the single parent background is clearly responsible for some of these differences.253

In single parent families, time and money are more limited. Living in a single parent family can
have a negative effect on the educational attainment of children because of the reduction in resources
available for human capital development. Children from low income families, including those from single
parent families are at risk for dropping out of high school. Dropping out in turn increases the risk of being
unemployed as an adult.254

III. EXPLANATION OF THESE CHALLENGES FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE

CHURCH

A. From Amoris Laetitia (2016)

Growing danger represented by an extreme individualism which weakens family bonds and ends
up considering each member of the family as an isolated unit, leading in some cases to the idea
that one‘s personality is shaped by his or her desires which are considered absolute.

There is a cultural decline that fails to promote love or self-giving which Pope Francis called the
culture of the ephemeral. For example, the speed by which people move from one affective
relation to another. They believe along the lines of social network that love can be connected or
disconnected at the whim of the consumer and the relationship is quickly blocked.

We live in a culture which pressures young people not to start a family because they lack the
possibilities for the future.

Current ―spread of pornography and the commercialization of the body, fostered also by the
misuse of the internet and about those reprehensible situations where people are forced to
prostitution.

252 Ibid., 47.

253 Daniel P. Mueller and Philip W. Cooper, “Children of Single-Parent Families: How They Fare as Young
Adults,”Family Relations Vol. 35 No. 1 (Jan. 1986): 169.
254 Sheila Fitzgerald Krein and Andrea H. Beller, “Educational Attainment of Children from Single-Parent

Families: Differences by Exposure, Gender and Race,” Demography Vol. 25 No. 2 (May 1988):223.

87
 the decline in population due to a mentality against having children and promoted by the world
politics of reproductive health creates not only a situation in which relationship between
generations is no longer ensured but also a danger overtime.

Added to this are other factors such as industrialization, the sexual revolution, the fear of
overpopulation and economic problems.

Consumerism may also deter couples from having children, simply so they can maintain a certain
freedom and lifestyle.

The weakening of faith and religious practices in some societies has an effect on families leaving
them more isolated amid their difficulties. The Synod Fathers noted that one symptom of the
great poverty of contemporary culture is loneliness, arising from the absence of God in a
person‘s life and the fragility of relationships.

There is also a general feeling of powerlessness in the face of socio-cultural realities that
oftentimes end up crushing families. Families often feel abandoned due to a lack of interest and
attention on the part of the institutions.

Various forms of an ideology of gender that denies the difference and reciprocity in nature of a
man and a woman and envisages a society without sexual differences, thereby eliminating the
anthropological basis of the family. This ideology leads to educational programmes and
legislative enactments that promote a personal identity and emotional intimacy radically
separated from the biological differences between male and female.

The technological revolution in the field of human procreation has introduced the ability to
manipulate the reproductive act, making it independent of the sexual relationship between a man
and a woman. In this way, human life and parenthood have become modular and separable
realities subject mainly to the wishes of the individuals.

B. From Evangelium Vitae (1995)

There is a grave moral decline, where there are choices and practices considered to be criminal
and rejected by common moral sense are now becoming socially acceptable. Legislation in many
countries does not even punish practices which are against human life.

Even certain sectors of the medical profession, which by its calling is directed to the defence and
care of human life, are increasingly willing to carry out these acts against the person. In this way,
the very nature of the medical profession is distorted and contradicted, and the dignity of those
who practise it is degraded. In such a cultural and legislative situation, the serious demographic,
social and family problems which weigh upon many of the world's peoples and which require
responsible and effective attention from national and international bodies, are left open to false
and deceptive solutions, opposed to the truth and the good of persons and nations.

There is also a tendency where people refuse to take responsibility for others. Symptoms of this
trend include the lack of solidarity toward society's weakest members-such as the elderly, the
infirm, immigrants, children- and the indifference frequently found in relations between the
world's peoples even when basic values such as survival, freedom and peace are involved.

88
There is the profound crisis of culture, which generates scepticism in relation to the very
foundations of knowledge and ethics, and which makes it increasingly difficult to grasp clearly
the meaning of what man is, the meaning of his rights and his duties. Then there are all kinds of
existential and interpersonal difficulties, made worse by the complexity of a society in which
individuals, couples and families are often left alone with their problems.

The climate of widespread moral uncertainty can in some way be explained by the multiplicity
and gravity of today's social problems, and these can sometimes mitigate the subjective
responsibility of individuals. It is no less true that we are confronted by an even larger reality,
which can be described as a veritable structure of sin. This reality is characterized by the
emergence of a culture which denies solidarity and in many cases takes the form of a veritable
"culture of death".

This culture is actively fostered by powerful cultural, economic and political currents which
encourage an idea of society excessively concerned with efficiency. Looking at the situation from
this point of view, it is possible to speak in a certain sense of a war of the powerful against the
weak: a life which would require greater acceptance, love and care is considered useless, or
held to be an intolerable burden, and is therefore rejected in one way or another. A person
who, because of illness, handicap or, more simply, just by existing, compromises the well- being
or life-style of those who are more favoured tends to be looked upon as an enemy to be resisted or
eliminated. In this way a kind of "conspiracy against life" is unleashed. This conspiracy involves
not only individuals in their personal, family or group relationships, but goes far beyond, to the
point of damaging and distorting, at the international level, relations between peoples and States.

In order to facilitate the spread of abortion, enormous sums of money have been invested and
continue to be invested in the production of pharmaceutical products which make it possible to
kill the fetus in the mother's womb without recourse to medical assistance. On this point,
scientific research itself seems to be almost exclusively preoccupied with developing
products which are ever more simple and effective in suppressing life and which at the same
time are capable of removing abortion from any kind of control or social responsibility.

It is frequently asserted that contraception, if made safe and available to all, is the most effective
remedy against abortion. The Catholic Church is then accused of actually promoting abortion,
because she obstinately continues to teach the moral unlawfulness of contraception. When looked
at carefully, this objection is clearly unfounded. It may be that many people use contraception
with a view of excluding the subsequent temptation of abortion. But the negative values inherent
in the "contraceptive mentality"-which is very different from responsible parenthood, lived in
respect for the full truth of the conjugal act-are such that they in fact strengthen this temptation
when an unwanted life is conceived.

Indeed, the pro-abortion culture is especially strong precisely where the Church's teaching on
contraception is rejected. Certainly, from the moral point of view contraception and abortion are
specifically different evils: the former contradicts the full truth of the sexual act as the proper
expression of conjugal love, while the latter destroys the life of a human being; the former is
opposed to the virtue of chastity in marriage, the latter is opposed to the virtue of justice and
directly violates the divine commandment "You shall not kill".

Still, in very many other instances such practices are rooted in a hedonistic mentality unwilling to
accept responsibility in matters of sexuality, and they imply a self-centered concept of freedom,

89
which regards procreation as an obstacle to personal fulfilment. The life which could result from
a sexual encounter thus becomes an enemy to be avoided at all costs, and abortion becomes the
only possible decisive response to failed contraception.

The close connection which exists, in mentality, between the practice of contraception and that of
abortion is becoming increasingly obvious. It is being demonstrated in an alarming way by the
development of chemical products, intrauterine devices and vaccines which, distributed with the
same ease as contraceptives, really act as abortifacients in the very early stages of the
development of the life of the new human being.

Another present-day phenomenon, frequently used to justify threats and attacks against life, is the
demographic question. This question arises in different ways in different parts of the world. In the
rich and developed countries there is a disturbing decline or collapse of the birthrate. The poorer
countries, on the other hand, generally have a high rate of population growth, difficult to sustain
in the context of low economic and social development, and especially where there is extreme
underdevelopment. In the face of over- population in the poorer countries, instead of forms of
global intervention at the international level-serious family and social policies, programmes of
cultural development and of fair production and distribution of resources-anti-birth policies
continue to be enacted.

In seeking the deepest roots of the struggle between the "culture of life" and the "culture of
death", we cannot restrict ourselves to the perverse idea of freedom mentioned above. We have to
go to the heart of the tragedy being experienced by modern man: the eclipse of the sense of God
and of man, typical of a social and cultural climate dominated by secularism, which, with its
ubiquitous tentacles, succeeds at times in putting Christian communities themselves to the test.
Those who allow themselves to be influenced by this climate easily fall into a sad vicious circle:
when the sense of God is lost, there is also a tendency to lose the sense of man, of his dignity and
his life; in turn, the systematic violation of the moral law, especially in the serious matter of
respect for human life and its dignity, produces a kind of progressive darkening of the capacity to
discern God's living and saving presence.

The eclipse of the sense of God and of man inevitably leads to a practical materialism, which
breeds individualism, utilitarianism and hedonism. Here too we see the permanent validity of the
words of the Apostle: "And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a
base mind and to improper conduct" (Rom 1:28). The values of being are replaced by those of
having. The only goal which counts is the pursuit of one's own material well-being. The so-called
"quality of life" is interpreted primarily or exclusively as economic efficiency, inordinate
consumerism, physical beauty and pleasure, to the neglect of the more profound dimensions-
interpersonal, spiritual and religious-of existence.

Within this same cultural climate, the body is no longer perceived as a properly personal reality, a
sign and place of relations with others, with God and with the world. It is reduced to pure
materiality: it is simply a complex of organs, functions and energies to be used according to the
sole criteria of pleasure and efficiency. Consequently, sexuality too is depersonalized and
exploited: from being the sign, place and language of love, that is, of the gift of self and
acceptance of another, in all the other's richness as a person, it increasingly becomes the occasion
and instrument for self-assertion and the selfish satisfaction of personal desires and instincts.
Thus, the original import of human sexuality is distorted and falsified, and the two meanings,
unitive and procreative, inherent in the very nature of the conjugal act, are artificially separated:
in this way the marriage union is betrayed and its fruitfulness is subjected to the caprice of the

90
 couple. Procreation then becomes the "enemy" to be avoided in sexual activity: if it is welcomed,
this is only because it expresses a desire, or indeed the intention, to have a child "at all costs", and
not because it signifies the complete acceptance of the other and therefore, an openness to the
richness of life which the child represents.

In the materialistic perspective described so far, interpersonal relations are seriously

impoverished. The first to be harmed are women, children, the sick or suffering, and the elderly.
The criterion of personal dignity-which demands respect, generosity and service-is replaced by
the criterion of efficiency, functionality and usefulness: others are considered not for what they
"are", but for what they "have, do and produce". This is the supremacy of the strong over the
weak.

It is at the heart of the moral conscience that the eclipse of the sense of God and of man, with all
its various and deadly consequences for life, is taking place. It is a question, above all, of the
individual conscience, as it stands before God in its singleness and uniqueness. But it is also a
question, in a certain sense, of the "moral conscience" of society: in a way it too is responsible,
not only because it tolerates or fosters behaviour contrary to life, but also because it encourages
the "culture of death", creating and consolidating actual "structures of sin" which go against life.

The moral conscience, both individual and social, is today subjected, also as a result of the
penetrating influence of the media, to an extremely serious and mortal danger: that of confusion
between good and evil, precisely in relation to the fundamental right to life. A large part of
contemporary society looks sadly like that humanity which Paul describes in his Letter to the
Romans. It is composed "of men who by their wickedness suppress the truth" (1:18): having
denied God and believing that they can build the earthly city without him, "they became futile in
their thinking" so that "their senseless minds were darkened" (1:21); "claiming to be wise, they
became fools" (1:22), carrying out works deserving of death, and "they not only do them but
approve those who practise them" (1:32). When conscience, this bright lamp of the soul (cf. Mt
6:22-23), calls "evil good and good evil" (Is 5:20), it is already on the path to the most alarming
corruption and the darkest moral blindness.

IV. ADDRESSING THE CHALLENGES

The sacrament of Matrimony being the sacrament of the family can become the fountain of grace
and source of spirituality in enabling families to exercise their mission. By highlighting the sacramental
character of the family through the sacrament of matrimony, the family can exercise its mission by living
the spirit of Christ‘s paschal mystery which is a manifestation of Jesus‘ perfect example of self-giving
that bears fruit in love and life. It can exercise this mission by being:

A. Agent of Life

In the context of sexual permissiveness and the spread of anti-life mentality due to the practice of
contraception and abortion, the family as Agent of Life can respond through the following :

1. Being rooted in the Spiritual Life

Being rooted in Christ‘s self-giving example for the salvation of humanity, the Filipino Family as
Agent of Life is primarily a collaborator in God‘s plan of creating and generating life. In collaborating,
obedience to God‘s commandments is essential as a concrete fruit of their baptismal and marital
commitment. In baptism, Christians become children of God, a new creation in Christ which calls them

91
to live under the influence and power of grace. Married couples are thus called through their baptismal
commitment to a life of continuous conversion and openness to the life of the Spirit. Living in the Spirit,
according to St. Paul, bears fruit in a virtuous life characterized by charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, modesty, self-control, chastity.255

It is from this life in the Spirit and a virtuous life that the family can be an effective witness of
being the Sanctuary of Life, the community called to welcome and protect the entire life of its members,
from the very beginning until its natural end. This particularly means protecting the dignity and rights of
every member of the family and enabling them to flourish as human beings, children and old alike. The
role of the father and the mother in fulfilling this duty is important. Both are called to exercise the
generous responsibility of ensuring the growth of life within the family, their life as a couple, and the life
of their children.

2. Responsible Sexuality

As collaborators with God in the act of procreation, married couples are called to be responsible
for the life they generate. Here, it is essential that they educate themselves in the responsible exercise of
their sexuality, respecting the inseparability of the unitive and procreative dimensions of the conjugal act.
It means that the conjugal act is an expression of marital love oriented toward the well-being of spouses
and is always open to the transmission of life. It must be seen as an affirmation and confirmation of their
love for each other, whereby they share and communicate their love in order to strengthen their marital
bond and contribute to the growth of their marriage toward becoming a family. The conjugal act is
indeed life-giving when it ultimately redounds to their human growth and enhancement of their marriage
as a family.

Responsible sexuality also implies that couples avoid any conjugal act intended simply to engage
in sex and exploit the partner as a source of sexual pleasure rejecting the intention of transmitting life. It
means being responsible in respecting the dignity of the spouse and the dignity of the sexual act. Thus,
couples are called to educate themselves continuously in the cultivation of the virtue of temperance and
chastity by which they are able to regulate, channel, and transcend their sexuality.

3. Responsible Parenthood256

Responsible exercise of marital sexuality also avoids any deliberate act in preventing the
transmission of life such as contraception and abortion. The first duty of parenthood is to respect the
dignity of human life from the moment of conception. Obligation to children begins from their conception.
Being generators of life they have the responsibility in make the unborn live and let him or her to be part
of humanity. A child is always a gift to be received and welcomed, not a burden to be avoided.

Essential to the responsibility of parents is ensuring and fostering family life. Parents have the
moral responsibility to ensure the well-being of their children where the child can grow secure and loved.
The stability, fidelity and generosity of their relationship are necessary for this affords the children a
steady, safe, and peaceful environment which helps them in their growth and maturity.

Part of promoting the well-being of children is to enable them to attain the fullness of their
humanity and this means respecting their rights to receive care and support from the family, the right to
receive education, and the right to become children of God. Parents, therefore, should not only provide
for the physical life of their children, they should also initiate their children to the spiritual life of which

255 Galatians 5:22-23

256 Karol Wojtyla, Fruitful and Responsible Love (Middlegreen, Slough: St. Paul Publications, 1978), 22-27.

92
the Church is the family‘s concrete companion in enabling children to develop another aspect of their
humanity.

As children reach the puberty age, a specific issue that parents can address is to educate their
children in the responsible exercise of sexuality with the virtue of chastity as an important component.
Sexuality can be moderated by the virtues of prudence and temperance. Such virtues can be cultivated
through prayer and wholesome cultural and educational pursuits. Parents must not lose sight that their
loving presence and the exercise of discipline within the family is the best way by which young people
learn how to develop wholesome relationships within and outside the family. It can be the most effective
prevention for young people not to engage in premarital sex as it could lead to unwanted pregnancy.

It seems that it is impossible to understand responsible parenthood, of which Blessed Paul VI

speaks in such a masterful fashion in his encyclical Humanae Vitae, in any other way than by closely
connecting responsible parenthood to responsibility for conjugal love. As an isolated ethical norm the
principle of responsible parenthood is both right and convincing, although in an abstract way. The
indispensable life-giving power, necessary for a principle that should form the life of concrete individuals,
flows from love, from responsible love, understood and lived in a way, which we have tried to sketch
above.

And that is why the author of Humanae Vitae bases his detailed exposition of responsible
parenthood upon the theological character of love, and also upon the premise of the integral vision of man,
which becomes fully valid precisely in love and through love. If love signifies this particular
responsibility of one person for another person in the reciprocal relation of man and woman, from this
responsibility there will also develop, as a matter of course, parenthood in its responsible form.

Parenthood belongs to the nature of this specific love that is conjugal love: it constitutes its
essential feature; it forms this love in the sphere of purpose and intention, and signs it finally with the seal
of particular fulfillment. Conjugal love is fulfilled by parenthood. Responsibility for this love from the
beginning to the end is at the same time responsibility also for parenthood. The one participates in the
other, and they both constitute each other. Parenthood is a gift that comes to people, to man and to woman,
together with love, that creates a perspective of love in the dimension of a reciprocal life-long self-giving,
and that is the condition of gradual realization of that perspective through live and action. Parenthood, is
the gift, is therefore at the same time a rich task whose receiving and successive fulfilling is synonymous
with receiving a gift: a gift, moreover, which the persons themselves become for each other in marriage:
the woman for the man, the man for the woman. Their reciprocal offering to each other of what they are
as man and woman reaches its full sense through parenthood, through the fact that as husband and wife
they become father and mother. And this is precisely the dimension and sense of the responsibility that
essentially corresponds to this gift.

―. . . While not making the other purposes of matrimony of less account, the true practice of
conjugal love and the whole meaning of the family life which results from it, have this aim: that the
couple be ready with stout hearts to co-operate with the love of the Creator and the Savior who through
them will enlarge and enrich his own family day by day‖ (GS #50)

Thus, following the same logic which is the logic of human conscience and Christian faith as well,
we accept the responsibility for parenthood as one of the elements, or rather as the constituting element of
responsibility for love, for its conjugal shape and sense. We read further in the pastoral constitution:

―Parents should regard as their proper mission the task of transmitting human life and
educating those to whom it has been transmitted. They should realize that they are
thereby co-operators with the love of God the Creator, and are, so to speak the

93
 interpreters of that love. Thus they will fulfill their task with human and Christian
responsibility. With docile reverence towards God, they will come to the right decision
by common counsel and effort. They will thoughtfully take into account both their own
welfare and that of their children, those already born and those which may be foreseen.
For this accounting they will reckon with both the material and spiritual conditions of the
times as well as of their state in life. Finally, they will consult the interests of the family
group, the temporal society, and of the Church herself. The parents themselves should
ultimately make this judgment, in the sight of God.‖ (GS #50)

In this way, beginning with the concept of responsibility for parenthood – that specific shape and
sense that are proper to conjugal love – we approach the concrete problem, which is given the name of
―responsible parenthood‖. It is indispensable, both for the theoretical considerations of science and
teaching and also for the practical application, to preserve in this matter a consistent point of view, for
only such consistency permits us to understand rightly, to pose and to solve the problem. It is a matter of
consistency of perspective and of plan as well: responsibility for parenthood is engendered though
conjugal love, understood and experienced in a responsible way, that is, according to all its interior truth,
in the fullness of the sense and meaning of that love. Thus understood and experienced, responsibility for
parenthood allows the husband and wife to pose the problem of responsible parenthood correctly in their
thinking, their appraisal and their judgment, and also to solve that problem correctly in their life and
concrete behavior. It this correctness reaches the sphere of the so-called methods of birth control, even
here the husband and wife will not forego that constitutes and authentic measure of responsibility for love,
and therefore both the essential value of the person, and the dignity of parenthood connected with it.
Speaking more plainly: they will not have recourse to contraception, which is essentially opposed to love
and parenthood.

This is the aim and the demand of the Church as set forth in the encyclical Humanae Vitae, while
in the pastoral constitution we read as follow: ―In their manner of acting spouses should be aware that
they cannot proceed arbitrarily. They must always be governed according to a conscience dutifully
conformed to the divine law itself, and should be submissive towards the Church‘s teaching office which
authentically interprets that law in the light of the Gospel. That divine law reveals and protects the
integral meaning of conjugal love, and impels it towards a truly human fulfillment‖ (GS #50)

The Fruitfulness of the Couple257

As ―free and responsible collaborators of the Creator‖, Christian spouses thereby see their
physical fertility take on a new dignity. Their impulse to unite sexually is life-bearing and permits God to
give himself children. When they become father and mother, the spouses discover to their amazement at
the baptismal font that henceforth their child is a child of God, ―born again of water and the Spirit‖ (Jn
3:5), and that this child is entrusted to them that they may watch over his physical and moral growth, yes,
but also the beginnings and development and maturing in him of the ―new man‖ (Eph 4:24). This child is
no longer merely the infant they see with their eyes but no less what they believe to be ―an infinity of
mystery and love that would dazzle us if we were to see it face to face‖. Thus, education becomes truly a
service of Christ, as he himself said: ―What you do to one of these little ones, it is to me that you do
it.‖(Matt 25:40)

And if it should happen that the adolescent closes himself to the efforts of his parents to educate
him, then these parents painfully partake in their very flesh in the Passion of Christ faced with the refusals
of man.

257 Janet E. Smith, ed., Why Humanae Vitae Was Right: A Reader (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1993), 95.

94
 The Mystery of Parenthood258

Dear parents, God has not entrusted such an important task to you without at the same time giving
you a marvelous gift, his love as a Father. Through parents who love their child in whom Christ is living,
it is the love of the Father what is poured out in his beloved Son. Through the authority of the parents, it
is his authority that is exercised, that of a ―Father from whom all fatherhood take its name in heaven and
on earth‖. In his way, through the love of his parents, the baptized infant discovers God‘s fatherly love
and, as the Council tells us, has his ―first experience of the Church‖. Of course, the child will become
aware of this only as he grows older; but through the tender care of his father and mother, God‘s love is
already nurturing and developing in him his life as a child of God.

This indicates how splendid is your vocation, which St. Thomas Aquinas rightly compares to the
ministry of the priesthood: ―Some persons propagate and conserve the spiritual life by a ministry that is
only spiritual, and this belongs to the sacrament of orders. Others do it by a ministry what is both physical
and spiritual; this takes place in the sacrament of marriage, which unites man and woman so that they
may have children and rear them for the worship of God.

Couples who bear the heavy burden of being childless are, nevertheless, also called to cooperate
in the growth of the People of God in many ways.

Reasons for Limiting Family Size

HV #10 states:
If we look further to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible
parenthood is exercised by those who, guided by prudent consideration and generosity, elect to accept
many children. Those are also to be considered responsible, who, for serious reason (seriis causis) and
with due respect for moral precepts, decide not to have another child either for a definite or an indefinite
amount of time.

HV #16 states:
―Certainly, there may be just reasons (justae causae) for spacing offspring; these may be based on
the physical or psychological condition of the spouses, or may be based on external factors.‖ Further on it
states the spouses may have worth and weighty justifications (argumenta…honesta et gravia), defensible
reasons (probabiles rationes) and just reasons (iustae rationes) for limiting their family size.

Trivial reasons will not do, but reasons less than life-threatening conditions will. What are these
reasons that lie between what is trivial and what is life-threatening?

GS #50 suggests:
What constitutes a good decision by the spouses; it ―takes into consideration their own good and
the good of their children already born or yet to come, an ability to read the signs of the times and of their
situation on the material and spiritual level and finally, an estimation of the good of the family, of society,
and of the Church‖

Some Christians, however, might ask:

a. Are couples who use NFP (Natural Family Planning) demonstrating too little faith in
providence?

258 Ibid., 96.

95
 b. Are they refusing to trust in God to provide for them and their families while they fulfill their
vocational obligations to parenthood?
c. Are they assuming that they know more about their health and financial needs, for instance,
than does God?
d. Shouldn‘t spouses have faith that if God sends them another child, he will provide the means
to care for that child?

While it is undoubtedly true that God can and does provide for our needs, especially when we are
struggling ardently to do his will, it is also true that our ability to reason and plan are also gifts from God,
and one that he expects us to use. It is certainly true that some couples may be physically able to have
more children than they can care for. Karol Wojtyla counsels that it is a moral necessity for some couples
to limit their family size:

There are, however, circumstances in which this disposition (to be a responsible parent) itself
demands renunciation of procreation, and any further increase in the size of the family would be
incompatible with parental duty. A man and a woman moved by true concern for the good of their family
and a mutual sense of responsibility for the birth, maintenance, and upbringing of their children, will then
limit intercourse and abstain from it in periods in which this might result in another pregnancy
undesirable in the particular conditions of their married life and family.

The Parent-Child Relationship259

The coming-of-age of Filipino studentry has thrown the society‘s childrearing techniques
squarely into the limelight. One school of thought, which Administration apologists find particularly
attractive, holds the defiant youth reflect not so much a justified frustration with the state of the nation,
but rather laxity on the part of their parents. A lack of love, discipline or guidance is cited responsible for
this recalcitrant generation. While the extent to which parental influence figures in today‘s demonstration-
prone urban youth has not been clarified, one can say that such an explanation is at best simplistic.

More illuminating is the weight sociologists give to the tendency of parents to use their own
childrearing experiences as guides in the upbringing of their children. This looking to the past for
guidance raises problems. In a period of rapid social change, the society of a generation ago may differ
vastly from that of today. The needs of the late ‗40‘s and early 50‘s, the cultural setting and overriding
norms supporting need priorities of that time may in large measure no longer appear relevant. Chafing at
strictures based on an increasingly obsolete model of society, and barraged by the pressures generated
through other modernizing institutions, a young man or a young woman attempts through her own
behavior choices to effect a manageable adjustment to alternatives now conflicting, now congruent. The
individual‘s acceptance of new ideologies and concepts of morality that justify modes of behavior
comprehensible to his parents helps resolve the personal conflicts arising from a perceived discrepancy
between Aquarius-age norms and parentally-approved behavior. By further advocating this synthesis as
applicable to one‘s peer group and desirable even for adults, the young Filipino makes a bid for a society,
which, because it is modeled after his view of proper behavior, will reward him with its positions of
power and prestige. For his kind will be in the ascendancy.

Informants in isolated societies usually claim that ―in the old days‖ all family behavior was
clearly understood and everyone obeyed. No such period, however, has ever been documented. The claim

259 Vitaliano R. Gorospe, SJ, ed., Responsible Parenthood in the Philippines (Manila: Ateneo Publications Office,

1970), 28-36.

96
must rather be seen as a mode of social control by which the old persuade the young of the correctness of
traditional ways.

Very likely, if we were able to interview people in any society at any time in the past. They
would grant that social patterns had indeed changed recently, but would insist that in their grandfather‘s
day things had not changed significantly from the ancient and rightful ways of old. The theme bemoaning
the rapid pace of modern change as against the harmonious, unaltered family behavior of the past is an
old one.

In the Philippines, children are seen as gifts from God, evidence of the family‘s being in His
grace. Parents not only view children as extensions of themselves; they also feel compelled to make
sacrifices for their offspring, having brought them into the world. The children are, in turn, expected to be
eternally grateful for this unsolicited gift of life.

The Family and the Kingdom

2232 Family ties are important but not absolute. Just as the child grows to maturity and human and
spiritual autonomy, so his unique vocation which comes from God asserts itself more clearly and
forcefully. Parents should respect this call and encourage their children to follow it. They must be
convinced that the first vocation of the Christian is to follow Jesus: "He who loves father or mother more
than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

2233 Becoming a disciple of Jesus means accepting the invitation to belong to God's family, to live in
conformity with His way of life: "For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother, and
sister, and mother."

Parents should welcome and respect with joy and thanksgiving the Lord's call to one of their children to
follow him in virginity for the sake of the Kingdom in the consecrated life or in priestly ministry.

4. The Sacrament of Matrimony as Spiritual Source of Strength

When marriage and parenthood appear to be burdensome, the Sacrament of Matrimony of which
husband and wife are ministers can be a source of hope. Faith, however, is necessary. Believing that they
are participants in the Paschal mystery of Christ, couples can find hope in the cross of Jesus which,
though heavy, was embraced by Christ out of love for humanity and for the life of the world. In the same
manner, husband and wife must remain together and embrace their marital and parental responsibilities
with the help of the Holy Spirit as their advocate in raising their family. Sacraments by effect are salvific.
If the Sacrament of Matrimony reflects the faithful love and unity of Jesus to the Church, by the power of
the Spirit it is possible for married couples and their family to overcome the burden of their crosses and
remain faithful together. Their mutual love for each other will make it possible for them.

B. Agent of Communion

In the context of marriages and families becoming broken, they can exercise its role as being
Agent of Communion through the following:

97
 1. The Trinity as Point of Reference

The community of the Trinity is the perfect reference for the Filipino family to exercise its role as
Agent of Communion. In the Trinity, the permanent fidelity and commitment of love between the Father
and the Son bears fruit in the Spirit of unity. In a context where cohabitation, separation of couples,
annulment of marriages are increasingly practiced in the Filipino society, the Filipino family as agent of
communion can be a witness in promoting the value of the Sacrament of Matrimony. By cultural tradition,
Filipino families value sacramental marriage for the unity and stability that it brings to the partners and to
the family itself. This cultural value can be further transformed when couples look at the Trinity as the
model and source of their love.

In establishing their permanent commitment, it is necessary that Christian couples are rooted in and
conscious of their baptismal and marital commitments to Christ. This implies mutual obedience to the
will of God expressed in following His commandments through the teachings of the Church. Specifically,
they have to reject the exercise of pre-marital sex, respect Jesus‘ emphasis for the indissolubility of
marriage and follow the commandment against adultery. Couples must be aware that by receiving the
Sacrament of Matrimony, they are primarily called to witness to the indissoluble unity of Jesus with the
Church. This implies not only fidelity to the marital vows, it also implies fidelity to the Church of which
they are the domestic reflection.

2. Sacraments of Matrimony, Eucharist and Reconciliation as sources of unity

Permanent communion is possible when relationships are built on a strong foundation, centered on
God. The Sacrament of Matrimony is the powerful source of the spirit of love necessary to strengthen the
covenant between couples. In this sacrament, couples can find the permanent source of graces necessary
to maintain and preserve their unity: faith, hope and love. Through the bond of the Holy Spirit, the unity
of marriage is strengthened and empowered to participate in Christ‘s faithful covenant with the Church,
enabling the married couple and their family to live their commitment under the power of grace and
withstand possible difficulties.

The sacrament of the Eucharist can also be a source to strengthen their permanent commitment
being the sacrament of unity with Christ and with the Church. The regular celebration and reception of the
Holy Eucharist provide the spiritual nourishment necessary to provide vigor in living the daily
commitment to family life. It is essential, therefore, that the Filipino Family maintains and preserve its
bonds with the Church because the Christian community, particularly the parish community, can be a
source of moral and spiritual support for the unity of the family.

When the unity within the family is threatened by sin due to infidelities, indifference, and violence,
the family can seek the help of the Church. The Sacrament of Reconciliation and the family ministry of
the Church can be instrumental in healing the sin and conflict that cause divisions within the family. The
family must remember that by being open to conversion, the grace that comes from the Sacrament of
Reconciliation has the power to transform the family.

3. Love is the Key to Communion

Love is the key that opens the door to communion and permanent commitment. In marriage, it is
love that enables the husband and the wife to accept and complement their differences. The spirit of love
has the power to unite hearts and minds within the family inspiring members to share for the common
good of the family. When love is present, between the husband and the wife, between parents and
children, between brothers and sisters, it is easy to serve and provide for the needs of others, it is easy to
forgive and understand; it is easy to sacrifice and commit oneself in building the unity within the family.

98
It is an on-going willingness and effort to be present in a personal way to one another which demands
some degree of intimate sharing, caring, and communicating, and the acceptance of the risks, difficulties
and sacrifices.

4. Unity in diversity

The diversity of personalities and gifts between the husband and the wife and their children must
not be a hindrance in building communion. Rather, this can be instrumental in enhancing the giftedness
and fruitfulness of the family. Respect and acceptance of the value and uniqueness of every member of
the family is therefore important. In the family, all members, male or female, adult or children- have a
basic equality of dignity as human beings. It is essential, therefore, that there is mutual respect for the
personhood, the uniqueness, and the rights of each person. Appreciation of the mutual interdependence
that exists among family members can lead to a greater understanding of the responsibility that all have to
support and nurture one another. What is done to one has consequences for the well-being of the whole
family.

From each one‘s giftedness, each member can also exercise his or her specific role in organizing
and forming the family. The role of both husband and wife is crucial in building the communion within
the family. Their headship must be seen as the visible representation of Christ‘s headship in the family.
Their authority like the authority of Jesus must be used to serve the members of the family. The husband
should not exercise his authority to dominate his wife and his children, but to serve the family out of
obedience to the authority of Christ. The wife in the same manner is also called in obedience to serve the
husband and her children. All are called including the children, to serve one another.

5. Dialogue and Communication

When couples are faced with marital issues, communication through dialogue within the family is
the key toward the resolution of conflicts. Openness, transparency, and listening are important in the
process of communication. One can truly understand what the other is saying when thoughts, feelings
and ideas are communicated and at the same time listened to. Accusations must be avoided especially
when unfounded. Dialogues must always be based on truth. It is also to the best interest of both parties to
avoid communicating when emotions are high because most often it leads to more misunderstandings.
The intention of dialogue and communication is toward understanding and resolution of conflicts.

The unity within the family does not have to be threatened when confronted with difficulties.
These conditions can be a call for the whole family to work and collaborate together. From the
perspective of faith, it can be regarded as the family‘s participation in the Paschal mystery of Christ which
can actually lead the family to its own salvation and sanctification. The building of communion within the
family is a day- to- day task. It is best not to wait for signs of breaking up in the family in order to
preserve the unity within the family. The lifetime commitment made during the celebration of the
Sacrament of Matrimony is built every day. This is how couples can maintain marriage in its character of
indissolubility.

C. Agent of Value

The context under which the families can exercise its role as Agent of Value is right within their
families. The intimacy of the family, between the husband and the wife, between parents and children,
between brothers and sisters, provides the natural space where values are communicated through words
and actions. The degree of closeness within the family facilitates the learning of values because of the
openness and love that exist between the members of the family.

99
 As Agent of Value, the Filipino Family‘s main task is to make their family as the primary place
for the education of virtues: human, spiritual and moral. By being an Agent of Value, the problem of
domestic and child violence can be particularly addressed through the following:

1. Family as School of Discipleship

Part of building the family as a school of discipleship is for married couples to nourish their
marital life with the Word of God. Marital and family discipleship begins with listening to Christ and
heeding His words in the Scriptures, in the Church, and in everyday events. What Mary told the Servant
at Cana at the beginning of the married life of a new couple is likewise addressed to the family, ‖Do
whatever he tells you.‖260 In marriage and family, to heed the will of God is what contributes to the
dignity and good of the married couples and their children. It is through the ordinary ways of loving and
caring, of serving and doing one‘s responsibilities in the family that sanctification is achieved through the
grace of God.261

2. Witnessing to the value of Love

The loving atmosphere within the family is the best environment where the whole family learns
and grows in the value of love. Husbands and wives educate themselves in love through actions of being
attentive to each other‘s needs and the needs of their children, especially in the essential goods such as
love, education and other basic needs. They should not fall into the trap of thinking that providing solely
for the material wants of the family will suffice. Marital attention such as love and concern contributes to
the human growth of spouses. Parental attention, on the other hand builds the children‘s character of
becoming loving individuals. Sometimes, the call for economic support of the family may force couples
to leave the confines of their family in search of a viable job. In this case, married couples will have to
reflect what is more important. Parenting is necessary especially during the childhood years when
children are starting to build their character and personality. The presence of a mother and a father
provides the necessary balance of nurturing and disciplining the child.

3. Transmission of Religious and Spiritual Values

For a Christian Family, the transmission of religious and spiritual values is a necessary task of
parents to their children. Parents are the first witnesses of the children to the Christian faith. The ordinary
family life is the context through which they can transmit faith. Faith can be expressed through
relationships that communicate respect for the dignity of persons, help for those in need, and compassion
for those who are weak. Part of the transmission is initiating children to the sacramental life of the Church.
In this process, parents can educate their children about the sacramental life. They can play the role of
being catechists to their own children.

Filipino Families are known for their religiosity. This is one cultural value through which
children can also be initiated to the faith. When parents bring their children to attend religious Christian
celebrations, they imbibe their faith and the cultural tradition. Parents, however, must be able to show
their children, that religious devotion is not limited to attending celebrations in the Church. It is seen by
actions of praying together inside the family. If possible, for example, the family can find a regular
weekly time for prayer and reading the Word of God together. This common activity not only strengthens
the bond of the family, but it encourages the growth of spiritual life in the family. By encouraging and
promoting the spirituality of their children, parents provide them avenues where time and resources can
be wisely channeled toward their personal and spiritual growth.

260 John 2:5 .

261 Ibid.,The Asian Family Toward a Culture of Life, No.78.

100
 4. Formation of Conscience

The formation of conscience begins when children reaches the age of reason. The best way
parents can form the conscience of their children is by setting an example of moral integrity. This is seen
in the way they relate faithfully to each other and how they strive to exercise responsibility as parents to
their children. At a young age, children can be initiated to the value of honesty and transparency. This is
done when parents encourage dialogues and openness among their children. Conscience can also be
formed when parents set standards of right behavior within the family and allow children to fulfill them in
freedom and responsibility. This is how parents can teach children the value of obedience and
accountability both to rules and authority.

To exercise their role as educators of their own children, parents must also inform themselves on
moral issues related to young people, especially on matters concerning relationships and sexuality. This
is to guide their children regarding moral norms to be observed in establishing right relationships.
Education on the virtue of chastity is one aspect that can be emphasized. It aims to teach them how to
express their sexuality in a way that does not offend the dignity of the person. In helping children on this
matter, the presence and love of parents as a guide is the more important factor. The loving atmosphere
and support within the family makes children secure in their value and therefore enables them to respect
and value themselves.

5. Responsible Use of Media

Too much exposure to media especially those which propagate degrading values like
pornography and graphic depictions of brutal violence can harm family life. It can encourage family
members to be in their private worlds, cutting them off from authentic interpersonal relations. It can also
divide the family by alienating parents from children and children from parents. Because exposure to
media can influence thoughts and actions of people, parents can guide their children about what are
positive and negative information they can get from the different forms of media. They can also regulate
access to the digital world by setting limitations and schedules so that it does not become obstacles for the
children‘s educational activities. Parents can also encourage their children to engage in other hobbies or
they can organize cultural activities that can widen the interests of their children.

In terms of television viewing, parents should actively help to form in their children viewing
habits conducive to the sound development of human, moral and religious values. Parents should keep
themselves informed in advance about the program content and make a conscious choice on the basis of
what is good for the family- to watch or not to watch. Reviews and evaluations provided by religious
agencies and other responsible groups together with sound media educations programs can be helpful in
this regard. Parents should also discuss television with their children, guiding them to regulate the amount
and quality of their viewing and to perceive and judge the ethical values underlying particular
programs.262

6. Education in the Social Values

The family is the first school for social living. Through the existing relationships within the
family, members learn social values that can be helpful in teaching children how to interact with others
and value relationships. Example of these values are pakikipagkapwa (friendship) and pagmamalasakit
(compassion). These are normally seen especially in extended families, where one can obtain assistance

262 Pope John Paul II, “Television has Immense Power to Strengthen or Weaken Family Life,” Message for 28 th

World Communications Day, Boletin Eclesiastico de Filipinas, Vol. LXX Nos. 772-773 (May-June 1994):249.

101
especially in times of difficulties. Parents can educate their children in these values by showing concern
for the weak and the poor. As a family, they can also create and collaborate in social projects for the poor
organized by the Parish or any organization. They can also weave a network of friendships to
demonstrate warm hospitality.

D. Agent of Communication

Like Mary in the Visitation who proclaimed the Gospel and addressed the needs of her pregnant
cousin Elizabeth, the family as Agent of Communication is called to participate in the Church‘s mission
of evangelization. Being evangelized, the family is called to become evangelizers of other families as well.
In a context where secularism is slowly changing the cultural landscape of the family and families are
faced with the problem of negative influences brought about by the unbridled use of media, the Filipino
Family is called to be a prophetic countersign to communicate the Christian faith by sharing in the
priestly, prophetic, and kingly mission of Christ and living its identity as a Domestic Church.

1. Priestly Participation through Prayer and the Sacraments

The family can exercise its priesthood through prayer and reception of the sacraments in a
specific way by regularly participating in the celebration of the Eucharist. In this manner, the family can
express the contemplative dimension of the family being the Domestic Church consecrated to God. It is
also a way to affirm their link to the Trinitarian God. The Father as the one who created and united them,
the Son as the one who saved them and the Spirit as the one who sustains their life as a family.

Family prayer gathering where members can express their personal prayers is one way through
which the family can grow in contemplation. Not only does it give the opportunity to reveal what is deep
inside them, it also fosters the faith and prayerfulness of each member and bind them as a worshipping
community. The recitation of vocal prayers and prayerful celebrations of special occasions like Christmas
and Easter are among the varied ways in which the family can enrich its prayer life. It can also include
devotion to the Virgin Mary and to the saints of which the Filipinos are known for.

Celebrations like Baptism and Confirmation of children are also events where the family can
gather as a community and promote their religious life. The regular attendance in the Eucharist is a way
of strengthening their unity with God and with the Church. The Eucharist can be the central font through
which the family can gather in intimacy and be nourished in the Table of the Lord.

2. Prophetic Participation through Building the Basic Ecclesial Communities

The family can express its prophetic character through its cultural value of “kapitbahayan”
(neighborliness). This is a practice that unites a family and their concerns with other families in the
neighborhood. In these modern times where the concern for economic development is emphasized more
than relationships, the Filipino Family as a Christian community can recover this lost value by taking
part in the building of Basic Ecclesial Communities (BEC).

BEC is an effective way of promoting communication and communion among families in the
parish. By gathering as a community of families to reflect on the Word of God, they are able to reflect and
share their thoughts and prayer together, and in the process, strengthen their faith in facing common
family concerns and finding ways to resolve them. In BECs, no family can be isolated, instead it builds
relationships and communions are forged within the neighborhood. This is also a way through which the
Church can foster communion in the local Church and facilitate their mission of evangelizing families to
become Domestic Churches.

102
 Joining the BECs can also be a way that families can dialogue with the Church regarding their
concerns. Here, they are able to ventilate their questions and with the help of the local parish they get
educated in contemporary issues related to family life. These experiences help them to respond
appropriately in accordance with the teachings of the Church. BECs in themselves can be companions in
the faith-journey of the families. It can be the locus where the faith of the Christian community can grow,
the place where hope visibly springs through the solidarity of families and the field where the charity of
Christ can be incarnated.

3. Kingly Participation through the Family Apostolate

The family can reveal the servanthood of Christ by collaborating in the Church‘s family
apostolate. The field of mission is not only to build their own family as a community, but it can become
wider through works of spiritual and material charity toward other families, especially toward those most
in need of help and support: toward the poor, the sick, the old, the handicapped, orphans, widows and
spouses that have been abandoned, unmarried mothers, and mothers-to-be- in difficult situation.263

Families can also collaborate in the Family Ministry of the Church whereby if properly trained,
they can participate in the Christian formation of other families. This is done in terms of preparing
couples for marriage, educating them in their vocation and mission, teaching them about responsible
parenthood, and strengthening their unity within families. They can also exercise their apostolate by
addressing the needs of separated couples and broken homes and helping civil marriages to be sanctified
through the Sacrament of Matrimony.264

E. Agent of Transformation

The family has the power to contribute toward the transformation of the society. As an institution,
it has enormous resources such as human, cultural, and spiritual which when tapped and used, can address
the problem of poverty and the entry of secularist and materialist ideologies.

The growth of the national population to a hundred million would perhaps imply a possible
increase in the rate of poverty, but when seen positively, it can imply that Filipino families growing in
number could become possible resources for national development. They are human resources which
could be developed to attain the potential of the Filipino Families to participate in national progress.
Further, there are cultural values that are inherent in many families such as the values of pagmamalasakit
(compassion), pakikipagkapwa (fellowship), and pagkakaisa (unity) which could be further developed to
transform political and economic structures. Lastly, the Christian faith of the Filipino people is ultimately
the source of power that can contribute to the transformation of sinful structures in the Philippine society.

1. Conversion to Christ and Formation of a Social Conscience

In order to contribute to social transformation, the Filipino family is called to respond to Jesus‘
call to conversion and continuous renewal. In this process, families must assume responsibility for the
sins found in economic and political structures motivated by greed and pursuit of power. Conversion also
implies an awakening of their social responsibility to help in the national task of development. This
begins with the formation of a social conscience informed by the values of Christ such as the preferential
option for the poor, justice, and love. The Church can particularly collaborate with the family by

263 FC, 71.

264 Ibid.

103
educating them about the social doctrine of the Church which promotes social values such as dignity of
the human person, dignity of work, common good, and care for the integrity of creation.265

The Church can also educate the family on understanding the concept of development from the
perspective of the Christian faith. In a time where modern development is associated with economic
sufficiency, the Church can provide orientation about integral development which considers the vision of
the human person in all dimensions including the spiritual dimension. Fidelity to the interior dimension of
life and its openness to its transcendent vocation from and toward God are essential for the development
to be integral. Development cannot be integral if it does not serve the good of the whole community and
of all its members.266

2. Stewardship

As stated in the Book of Genesis where God mandated man and woman to be stewards of His
creation, the Filipino Family is also called to exercise this role by living the values of simplicity, honest
exercise of work, care for the integrity of environment, and solidarity with the poor. 267 Ruben Tanseco,
SJ affirms this in the imitation of the Holy Family who started a silent revolution within their family. He
encourages Filipino Families to undertake the same revolution. He suggests three outstanding values that
families can put into practice which are the same values the Holy family espoused: stewardship,
simplicity, and sharing.268

Common in our society today is the practice of consumerism where there is unbridled desire for
material goods. Parents themselves can educate their children on the moderate consumption of material
goods. They can do this by setting examples of being responsible in the use of material resources and
making sure that the basic needs of the family are prioritized over the non-essentials. On the other hand,
children can also practice simplicity by not burdening their parents with material wants especially if they
are not within the means of the family. They must learn how to value the resources they receive with
gratitude and responsibility. What is essentially good for the family must be prioritized over personal
wants.

Honest exercise of one‘s work particularly contributes to the development of the family and
ultimately to national development. Work provides for the basic needs of the family and it is a form of
service for the good of the community. The exercise of work must be motivated, however, with the
intention of fulfilling the human potential to exercise a profession and to be of service to the needs of the
family and of society. Dishonest intentions like using one‘s power and position to steal or exploit people
is a negative exercise of work. What families can promote is not only competency but moral integrity as
well. In this way, work can become a source of sanctification for the members of the family.

Work should not become an obstacle in building relationships, especially within the family.
Sometimes, family members are forced to migrate outside the country and leave the homes to explore
greener pastures. Children most often suffer the consequences of having absentee fathers and mothers and
they grow up being strangers to them. In such case, work can provide for the material needs of the family,
but something more essential is compromised which is the complete unity of the family. This is a
situation where the family needs to find a balance and the faith in choosing the greater good. Within
themselves, both are good. But the family should not be compromised in place of work. The number and

265 PCP II, 264, 283.

266 PCP II, 294.
267 PCP II, 291.
268 Ruben Tanseco, “An Alternative Lifestyle: The Filipino Family’s Response to the Call of the Times,” East Asian

Pastoral Review, 40 (2003):145-153.

104
kinds of jobs that must be chosen should be not merely in light of the financial gain but in consideration
of the impact they have on family relationships. The accumulation of material goods is secondary to
whatever enriches individual gifts and talents and what fosters personal bonding. Ultimately, while
overseas work can provide for the economic needs and stability of the family, the presence of a complete
family provides the overall well-being of the family.

The family can contribute to the care and preservation of creation by raising the members‘
consciousness of the value of life and the interdependence of all elements found in creation. The survival
of human life is ultimately dependent upon how the natural goods and resources found in creation are
responsibly used and preserved for future generations. In caring for the integrity of creation, the family
can promote attitudes such as responsibility over the use of goods, rejecting the exploitation of natural
resources for selfish gain and economic profit. It also includes being aware of maintaining the
cleanliness and integrity of the environment such as the air, seas and rivers, and our immediate residences.
The environmental damage caused by floods in recent times is a wake-up call for the family to start in its
own little way the practice of caring for environment.

3. Political Participation towards Development

According to Lopez Trujillo, other than being witnesses of unity, love, and life in the Church and
society, families can also get organized and mobilized to be present in a responsible way in the field of
politics.269 Families can participate in good governance in their capacities as citizens who value the rule of
law and the pursuit of common good. This is how the practice of justice becomes concrete: when people
know their responsibilities as citizens and fulfill them in the spirit of honesty and integrity. In the
Philippines, where political corruption is rampant from the local to the national level, families can unite
themselves in advocating good leadership and accountability. This begins through educating themselves
about political issues and making a brave stand in favor of the truth. Truth is the criterion in choosing
good leaders during election and in demanding their accountability and transparency in the exercise of
their duties.

4. Living Its Christian Identity

Finally, according to PCP II, the family contributes to social transformation by living its Christian
identity in the world. Being part of the laity, they are called to be the Church in the home as the family is
a living image and historical representation of the mystery of the Church. By their insertion in the world,
they are also called to be instruments of the Incarnate Christ. In the struggles and joys of their day- to-
day living and in the realities and activities of the people, they provide the world with a variety of ways of
living and sharing the faith. It is in the vast field of education, politics, culture, science, arts, mass media
and economy that they can serve as leaven of transformation needed to influence, inspire, and direct the
world according to God‘s plan.270

V. Pastoral Care of the Family in Difficult Cases Particular Circumstances (From Familiaris
Consortio)

An even more generous pastoral commitment is called for in the case of families that find
themselves faced by situations that are objectively difficult. In this regard, it is necessary to call special
attention to certain particular groups that are more in need not only of assistance but also of more incisive

269 Lopez Trujillo, “The Gospel of the Family and the Gospel for life in the New Evangelization,” Acts of the

International Pastoral Congress, Fourth World Meeting of the Families, The Christian Family, Good New for the Third
Millenium, (Archdiocese of Manila: 2003), 39-50.
270 PCP II, 420-424.

105
action so that the profound causes of their needs may be eliminated as far as possible. The Holy Father
lists numerous examples of such families. Among their number are families of migrant workers, members
of the armed forces and all kinds of itinerant people, families of those in prison, of refugees and exiles,
incomplete or single-parent families, families with children that are handicapped or addicted to drugs,
families of alcoholics, families experiencing violence or unjust treatment because of their faith, teenage
married couples, and finally, the elderly who are often obliged to live alone with inadequate means of
subsistence.

The Pope notes that families of migrants, especially of manual laborers and farm workers, should
be able to find a homeland everywhere in the Church. It is also the Church‘s task to appeal to the public
conscience and to all those in authority in order that workers may find employment in their own regions
and homelands, that they might receive just wages, that families be reunited as soon as possible and
treated on an equal footing with others.

A difficult problem is that of the family that is ideologically divided. Believing members must be
strengthened in their faith and supported in their Christian lives. Although the party faithful to
Catholicism cannot give way, dialogue with the other party must always be kept alive. Love and respect
must be freely shown in the hope that unity will be maintained. Other difficult circumstances in which the
family needs the help of the ecclesial community and its pastors are: rebellious adolescence of children,
abandonment by one of the spouses, death that brings the painful experience of widowhood. Similarly, the
Church cannot ignore the time of old age, with all its positive and negative aspects. There is also the
burden of loneliness, many times of a psychological and emotional nature, abandonment or neglect on the
part of children and relations. There is likewise the suffering of ill health and the approach of the end of
life.

In all these different situations prayer must be a source of light and strength and the nourishment
of Christian hope and cannot be neglected.

Mixed Marriages

The Holy Father notes that the growing number of mixed marriages between Catholics and other
baptized persons calls for special attention. Couples living in a mixed marriage have special needs. In the
first place, attention must be paid to the obligations that the faith imposes on the Catholic party as to the
free exercise of the faith and the Baptism and upbringing of the children in the Catholic faith. There are
particular difficulties inherent in the relationships between husband and wife with regard to respect for the
religious freedom of both. With regard to the liturgical and canonical form of marriage, Ordinaries can
make wide use of their faculties.

The following points should be kept in mind:

In the appropriate preparation for this type of marriage, every reasonable effort must be made to
ensure a proper understanding of Catholic teaching on the qualities and obligations of marriage.

It is of the greatest importance that the Catholic party should be strengthened in the faith and
positively helped to mature in the understanding and practicing that faith. Marriages between
Catholics and other baptized persons have their own particular nature and should be valued for
their intrinsic worth and for the contribution that they can make to the ecumenical movement.
Their common Baptism and the dynamism of grace provide the spouses motivation for expressing
their unity in the sphere of moral and spiritual values.

106
 An effort should be made to establish cordial cooperation between the Catholic and the non-
Catholic ministers of the couple from the time that preparations for the marriage begin and the
wedding ceremony itself. With regard to the non-Catholic party sharing in Eucharistic
Communion, the proper norms should be followed.

In many parts of the world marriages between Catholics and non-baptized persons are increasing. The
non- baptized person and his/her beliefs are to be treated with respect. In secularized societies, the non-
baptized person often professes no religion at all. Here there is a need for Episcopal Conferences and
individual Bishops to ensure that there are proper pastoral safeguards for the faith of the Catholic. Above
all, it is the Catholic‘s duty to do all in his/her power to ensure the Catholic baptism and education of the
children of the marriage. The Catholic must be assisted in offering within his/her family a genuine
witness to the Catholic faith and to Catholic life.

De Facto Free Unions

Unions without any publicly recognized institutional bond, either civil or religious, is becoming
ever more frequent. This cannot fail to concern pastors.

Some people consider themselves almost forced into a free union by difficult economic, cultural
or religious situations, on the grounds that were they to contract a regular marriage they, for example,
would be exposed to some form of harm. In other cases, one encounters people who scorn, rebel against
or reject society, the institution of the family and the social and political order. Others may solely be
seeking pleasure. There are still others who are driven by extreme ignorance or poverty. There likewise
may be a certain psychological immaturity that creates uncertainty about or fear of entering into a stable
and definitive union. In some countries, traditional customs presume that the true marriage will take place
only after a period of cohabitation and the birth of the first child. Each of these elements presents the
Church with arduous pastoral problems.

Pastoral Action in Certain Irregular Situations

Having spoken of Trial Marriages and Free Unions, Pope John Paul II says that each of these
presents the Church with arduous pastoral problems because of the serious consequences arising from
them, both religious and moral. He specifies what some of these are: the loss of the religious sense of
marriage, the deprivation of the grace of the sacrament, grave scandal, and then indicating the social
consequences: the destruction of the concept of the family, the weakening of the sense of fidelity, and
finally, also the harmful effects toward society: psychological damage to children and the strengthening
of selfishness.

The Holy Father says that pastors need to make every attempt to regularize these cases as soon as
possible. Above all, there must be a campaign of prevention, by fostering the sense of fidelity in the
whole moral and religious training of the young. They must be helped to reach spiritual maturity and
enabled to understand the richness of marriage as a sacrament.

The People of God should also make approaches to public authorities to ensure that public
opinion is not led to undervalue the institutional importance of marriage and the family. Society and
public authorities should favor legitimate marriage by encouraging and guaranteeing a family wage. They
should ensure housing fit for family life and by creating opportunities for work and life.

c) Catholics in Civil Marriages

There are increasing cases of Catholics who, for ideological or practical reasons, prefer civil

107
marriage. By seeking public recognition of their bond on the part of the State, such couples show that they
are ready to accept not only its advantages but also its obligations. Not even this situation, however, is
acceptable to the Church. The aim of pastoral action must be to educate these people the need for
consistency between their choice of life and the faith that they profess. While treating them with great
charity and bringing them into the life of the respective communities, the pastors of the Church will
regrettably not be able to admit them to the sacraments.

d) Separated and Divorced Persons Who Have Not Remarried

Various reasons can lead to the irreparable breakdown of valid marriages. In such instances,
separation must be considered as a last resort after all other reasonable attempts at reconciliation have
failed. Loneliness and other trials are the lot of the innocent parties. The ecclesial community must
support such people more than ever. The situation is similar for people who have been divorced, but
refrain from a new union and devote themselves solely to carrying out their family duties in Christian
living. Their example of fidelity and Christian consistency takes on particular value as a witness before
the world and the Church. Since there are no obstacles to admission to the sacraments, it is even more
necessary for the Church to offer continual love and assistance.

e) Divorced Persons Who Have Remarried

Unfortunately, experience shows that people who have obtained divorce usually intend to enter a
new union. Obviously, it would be outside a Catholic union. Since this is an evil act, affecting more and
more Catholics, the problem must be faced with resolution and without delay. The Synod Fathers
specifically studied this problem. The Church cannot abandon to their own devices those who have been
previously bound by sacramental marriage and attempted a second marriage. While pastors must exercise
careful discernment, the Church will put at the disposal those individuals the means of salvation available
to them. There is a difference between those unjustly abandoned and those who through their own grave
fault destroyed a canonically valid marriage. Finally, there are those who may have entered a second
union for the sake of the children‘s upbringing and have done so, subjectively certain in conscience, that
their previous irreparably destroyed marriage was invalid. Whatever the case, the whole community must
take pains to see to it that the divorced do not consider themselves as separated from the Church. As
baptized persons, they can participate in her life in many, if sometimes, limited ways. For her part, let the
Church pray for them, encourage them and show herself a merciful mother, sustaining them in faith and
hope.

Pastoral Action in Certain Irregular Situations

f) Divorced Persons Who Have Remarried

Although divorced and remarried Catholics are not, in fact, separated from the Church, still the
Church must reaffirm her practice, based on Scripture, of not admitting them to Eucharistic Communion.
Their state and condition of life objectively contradict the union of love between Christ and the Church
that is signified and effected by the Eucharist. If these people were admitted to the Eucharist, the faithful
would be led into error and confusion regarding the Church‘s teaching about the indissolubility of
marriage. Reconciliation in the Sacrament of Penance can only be granted to repentant penitents who are
ready to undertake a way of life that is no longer in contradiction to the indissolubility of marriage. This
means, practically, that when, for serious reasons, such as the presence of children, a couple cannot
satisfy the obligation to separate, they ―take on themselves the duty to live in complete continence.‖ This
requires them to abstain from acts proper to marriage.

108
 Similarly, the respect due to the sacrament of Matrimony and also to the community of the
faithful forbids any pastor to perform ceremonies of any kind for divorced people who remarry. Such
ceremonies would give the impression of a new sacramentally valid marriage and would lead people into
error concerning the indissolubility of marriage. By acting in this way, the Church professes her own
fidelity to Christ and to his truth. With firm confidence she believes in the grace of conversion and
salvation, provided that these individuals persevere in prayer, penance and charity.

Those Without a Family

The Holy Father mentions here, particularly close to the Heart of Christ and deserving of the
affection and active solicitude of the Church, are all those countless people who cannot in any way claim
membership in the proper sense in a family. Large sections of humanity live in conditions of extreme
poverty that make it impossible in practice to speak of a true family. Yet there exists a ―good news of the
family‖ for them and many others. It is a task for the whole of society. For those without a natural family
the doors of the great family, the Church, must be opened even wider. The Church is home and family for
all, especially those who ―labor and are heavy laden.‖

109