You are off to a good start with this answer, and your interest in Rice’s computer science major

starts to come through. For your next draft, let’s work on drawing out a few additional details
about your interest in computer science at Rice and why Rice is the best place for you to study
computer science!

Your Content
 Through your writing, I learn about your interests in computer science and natural
language processing. Rice’s professors and activities will help you learn about
behavioral science and improve as a public speaker.

 While you have captured some great specifics about your interest in Rice, I think there’s
an opportunity to highlight other resources and opportunities at Rice that will help you
meet your goals. Below are a few brainstorming questions to help draw out these
specific details:

o Rice: You mention that you hope to learn more about natural language and
behavior by studying computer science at Rice. What specific courses at Rice
are you most excited to take? What other opportunities (like research and study
abroad) do you hope to pursue?

o Goals: You mention that learning more about machine intelligence and natural
language processing is one of your goals at Rice. What are your overall goals for
college and the future? How will Rice and its computer science program uniquely
prepare you to achieve your goals?

Your Structure
 Your basic structure works well, but because you’ll be adding a few more details to your
next draft, below is an example outline to show how your revisions may flow:

o Introduction: Here, let’s start off with a sentence that clearly states that you
want to major in computer science at Rice, and why the resources and
opportunities in the computer science department make it the best college option
for you.

o Body: Then, add a few additional details based on your answers to the “Rice”
questions above.

o Conclusion: Finally, wrap up with a sentence or two describing how Rice can
help you achieve your goals, using the “Goals” questions to draw out these
details.