1-800-666-SATAN

If you want to sell your soul, please dial

1-800-666-SATAN at 3AM at night and
after the sixth beep, an agent from Hell
will answer your call. Depending on the
type of soul you have, he will give you
pertinent instructions for the soul
selling ritual you may want to perform. For instance, if you have a very dirty
soul, you may need first to clean it up with the appropriate cleansing ritual,
such as taking a bath with the blood of an innocent maiden; you do not want
to deliver a dirty soul and be buried in the filthiest hole of Hell, do you?. If you
happen to have a weak soul, which might be rejected by the Most Strong and
Powerful Lord of the Darkness, you also may need to strengthen it a little bit
by drinking the blood of a freshly sacrificed black lion. In the other hand, in the
remote case that you have a clean and very strong soul, Oh man! That is a deal!
It is the kind of soul that most pleases Satan, The Evil One, as they are very
difficult to find and there are not many on sale. Thus, for assuring the best
possible deal, you may want first to clean and strengthen it just for a while;
you can attain this by doing easy little things, like practicing temperance and
moderation, exercising some charity and beneficence and being benevolent
and just with your friends, family and neighbors. If after doing these things and
subduing your passions for a while, you still feel the strong desire to sell your
soul, please dial again, and another agent from Hell will be able to assist you
with pleasure. He will give you further instructions.

NM