Emanacipation Proclamation by Kharizzmatik PDF

Emancipation
Proclamation
The tale of a Principe Della Mafia and his Bella Ragazza, two souls
connected in a world full of chaos. Quella destinata per te, nessuno la
prenderà. True Love Waits. Sempre.
Prologue
"This is a world of compensations; and he who would be no slave, must
consent to have no slave. Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for
themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it." - Abraham Lincoln
Sixteen years ago today a girl lay on the damp ground, in the middle of a dark small shabby
barn that smelled faintly of hay and manure, and gave birth to a premature baby girl. She
was desperately frightened, for herself and her baby. She endured the best she could,
gritting her teeth and remaining silent despite the severe pain, pushing through it and
welcoming the baby into the world all alone. She cut the umbilical cord with a pair of
garden sheers and swaddled the baby girl with rags she found, doing the best she could to
keep her warm. She knew it was too soon for her to be born, knew there was no way it had
been 9 months already. The baby was tiny—she wasn’t sure how much she weighed but it
couldn’t have been much more than 5 pounds. Her cry was weak, her body slightly blue,
but she refused to give up on her daughter. She held that tiny baby all through the night,
rocking her and shushing her, trying to feed her but having absolutely no clue how to get
her to latch on to the breast.
The afterbirth frightened the girl, sending her into a panic attack. She had no clue what was
going on, horrified at the thought of having twins. She still hadn’t figured out what she was
going to do with the one she had as it was, had no idea how she was going to raise a child.
She was still a child herself, barely sixteen and utterly naïve. As she held that baby through
the night, gazing down into her scrunched up face and stroking her tiny hand wrapped
around one of her fingers, she imagined a world beyond the one she lived in. A world where
her baby girl could flourish. Where she could go to school and have friends, a world where
she could fall in love and marry. A world where her daughter could have her own house,
her own career, her own family. A world where her daughter had choices, freedoms.
Because the girl had none. She was a slave, at the mercy of the people who owned her. She
was kidnapped as a baby, both of her parents murdered. The kidnappers knew they could
get a pretty penny for her and auctioned her off to the highest bidder, not caring what they
wanted her for or what would come of her.
She’d gotten lucky though, for the most part. She knew she could’ve ended up in a
pedophile ring somewhere but she hadn’t. She was purchased as a present, a child for a
woman who desperately wanted a daughter but couldn’t bear her own anymore. She’d
already had a son, his birth traumatic and leaving her barren. They couldn’t legally adopt,
as the husband had an extensive criminal record and they would’ve never been approved.
©kh a r i z z ma t i k 2
So they bought on the black market.
It didn’t go over very well, the girls presence backfiring. Instead of filing the void the lady
had, she merely reminded her of her inability to ever have her own daughter. She had been
pushed aside, cast off. She carried their same last name but she was no more family to
them than the next person. As soon as she was old enough to walk and talk, she was left to
fend for herself and forced to help take care of their needs.
The family was powerful. She wasn’t entirely sure what they were involved in, but she knew
it wasn’t good. They owned a few slaves, and over the years she’d seen more than one
murdered at the family’s hand when they tried to flee. There was no escaping. You’d be
found if you even attempted it, and you’d be killed in front of everyone to send a message to
the others. They owned you.
She didn’t see their son much, as he was off in boarding school throughout the year and
usually spent summers travelling with the family. She was always left behind while they
vacationed, but never was she left alone. There was always someone watching her.
The fall the girl turned 15, the father fell ill. Their son came home to help his mother while
his father was out of commission, so-to-speak. He was eighteen at the time and was
volatile, but he wasn’t too harsh to her—he didn’t threaten her or beat her as he did the
others, and he wasn’t demanding of her. He ignored her for the most part, barely even
noticing she was alive. But after a few months it all shifted and he started sneaking into her
room at night, laying with her and touching her, hovering over her and pushing himself
into her.
She wasn’t educated but she knew the facts of life. When her period stopped coming, she
knew what that meant. She wasn’t sure what to do, who to tell or what to say. She’d finally
grown brave enough to confess to her mistress that a child was growing inside of her, when
the son came home and announced to the family that he was to be married to a local girl
from a well-off family.
She knew then that she couldn’t say anything. They were counting on the merging of the
families for their livelihood and the fact that she was pregnant because of their son, despite
the fact that she hadn’t instigated their contact, would be blamed solely on her. They’d
blame her for ruining their future, for ruining their plans.
After awhile the father recovered and the son moved out, leaving her back to being
overlooked. She kept her pregnancy a secret, hiding it the best she could. No one paid her
much attention anyway--no one noticed.
So as she sat in that barn, rocking that tiny baby, she allowed herself to forget the way she
lived. She allowed herself to dream of a better world for her child. She allowed herself to
dream of her child having a future where she could shine.
She kept the baby hidden away for a few days, the baby surviving and surprisingly thriving
given the conditions. But she couldn’t keep her a secret forever.
The mistress faintly heard the baby crying one evening and walked out to the barn, where
she’d been hiding out with her. The mistress was shocked to say the least. The girl was so
frightened, afraid they were going to sell the baby or even worse, end the baby’s life. She'd
seen slaves get pregnant over the years, seen their pregnancies terminated and babies
disappear. But the mistress surprised her. Because as the mistress gazed into the baby’s
face, she saw her son’s features shining back at her. She knew the baby was her blood.
She wouldn’t accept the baby as family, refused to acknowledge it out loud, but she allowed
her to keep her. And for sixteen years the girl did the best she could, been the best mother
she could’ve been. She couldn’t escape the life she had been sold into, but she held hope
that someday her daughter would find something better. And she did all she could to
prepare her for a better life, despite the fact that she knew very little about the outside
world herself.
The baby grew into a beautiful child. The slaves doted on her but the family ignored her for
the most part. Occasionally they’d catch the mistress staring at her, smiling when she
didn’t think anyone was watching. It gave the girl hope that maybe her child would be
freed. They didn’t treat her like the others either, didn’t beat her or work her too hard.
There was some kindness there, under the surface. Compassion for the bastard child their
son created.
The summer before that child’s 12th birthday, however, everything changed. The mistress
and master of the house got into a car accident, dying upon impact. Instead of being freed,
as they all hoped, the son stepped in and took over. The son had turned into a harsh man,
his hostility growing as he aged. He had not an ounce of kindness inside of him, no
compassion what so ever.
He still had a soft spot for the girl he had impregnated, despite the fact that over a decade
had gone by since they last had contact. After he took over he started sneaking into her
room again at night and having his way with her. She never fought back, knowing fighting
his advances would mean death. He owned her and she got off easier than most. All she
truly had to endure was a few minutes of his panting sweaty form hovering over her at
night—the others were beaten bloody.
The man wasn’t stupid, he knew the child was his daughter and he didn’t like it one bit. For
four years the girl was abused and tortured, and her mother protected her the best she
could while still protecting herself. She knew she’d be no help to her dead and had no
choice but to sometimes sit back and allow her daughter to endure it.
The wife eventually figured it out, realized that the child slave was her husbands
illegitimate daughter. The woman had been unable to carry a baby to term, all of her
pregnancies ending in miscarriage. She was infuriated and wanted the child gone. She
demanded her husband dispose of her.
That girl, who birthed that tiny baby alone in the barn, was my mother. And that baby, who
survived despite the odds stacked against her, was me. My name is Isabella Swan, and
today is my sixteenth birthday.
It would surprise people if they knew the world I was born into existed. Abraham Lincoln
delivered the Emancipation Proclamation in 1862, outlawing ownership of other human
beings, but it didn’t end there. People were still bought and sold, bound to servitude,
stripped of all rights and privileges. I was born in 1989, well over a century after Lincoln
abolished slavery. Slavery exists in every in corner of America, the slave trade in and out of
the cities and suburbia kept secret. With enough money, you can buy anyone.
It’s the year 2005… and today I’m being sold.
Chapter 2 Survival of the Fittest
“Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, the best thing would to have
never been born at all” - Heinrich Heine
“You’ve gotta get up soon sweetheart,” my mother’s voice said softly beside me. I grumbled
incoherently, keeping my eyes closed and turning over away from her. She sighed, reaching
out and stroking my brown hair softly. She was quiet for a few moments and I could feel
her hand trembling, her breathing shaky. She was taking this hard.
“Charles will be back soon,” she whispered, barely audible but I flinched as his name
escaped her lips. “You know what will happen if you’re still in bed when he returns.”
“Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe he’ll kill me and get it over with,” I mumbled. My mom
sobbed loudly upon my words, losing the composure she was fighting hard to keep. I sighed
loudly and mumbled a quick apology, not wanting to upset her.
I pulled myself up into a sitting position and glanced over at her. She was sitting on the
floor beside the mattress we slept on. Our room was a sectioned off loft on the top of a
barn—the same barn I’d been born in—and was a few feet from the house. The room itself
was about 6.5 feet high and about 10 feet by 10 feet. It was small, for sure, but there was a
large window that took up nearly the entire wall that made it appear to be more open.
My moms face was swollen, her cheeks streaked with tears and eyes bloodshot. I had to
look away quickly, unable to bear it.
Charles Swan, the man whose blood pumped in my veins and whose DNA I shared, left two
nights ago for a business trip to speak to a 'potential buyer'. He went away often for that
reason, as he not only sold real estate as a front but he ran a significant identity theft and
forgery ring, but I wasn’t fooled. I knew what he was off selling right now—Me. I’d
overheard him and his wife discussing me a week ago. She told him she wanted me gone
and I suspect she was insinuating he murder me, but he instead decided I’d be sold. He told
her he could get a good bit of money for me and said he had someone in mind that was
looking. He was due to return this morning.
I was frightened; there was no doubt about it. I had no idea what the future held, where I’d
be sent to and what situation I’d be put into. I’d also never been away from my mother and
that was what scared me the most.
I don’t have a lot of life experience. I can count the number of times I’d been off of the
Swan family property in my entire life on my fingers. I’ve never had a chance to socialize
and can probably name every person I’ve ever met off the top of my head. I’ve only ever
met one person my age and that was a slave Charles bought last year. She had been here for
a little over a week when she tried to escape. He caught her a mile down the road and
dragged her back, pulling her into the house by her hair. He beat her to death right in front
of me and left her lying on the floor for hours. I was forced to clean up the blood and bits of
flesh embedded into the wooden floor after he finally removed her body. It was gruesome
and made me vomit—I’d gotten a pretty bad beating for that.
And besides Charles and his father, I’d never actually spoken to another man before. I
didn’t remember much of Charles’s father, he was rarely around, and Charles had always
been cold toward me. All of the slaves here were female, and when visitors came we were
kept locked away. Men frightened me--they were foreign, unknown. I'd gotten plenty of
glimpses of other men, the ones paid to stand guard around the perimeter of the property,
but I'd never had any interaction with them. The only ones who interacted with the guards
were the ones who were stupid enough to try to flee. They weren't always out there and you
couldn't always see them when they were, but you always knew there was a chance that you
were being watched by someone in the shadows. It was like they were taunting us, letting
us know that technically slipping away undetected was possible, you just never knew when.
It was gambling with your life and very few were willing to take that risk. The ones who did
always failed.
“I’m up,” I muttered eventually. I climbed up from the mattress and walked over to the
dresser, grabbing whatever was on top. All of my clothes were old and tattered, hand-me-
downs that were my mothers when she grew up.
I put on a white shirt that was covered in stains and slipped on a pair of jeans. They were
worn and faded, holes worn into both knees and the bottoms frayed. I didn’t have any
shoes, hadn’t had any in years. My feet were rough, the skin thickened and tough from
going barefoot. It didn’t bother me anymore, I could step on a nail and it probably wouldn’t
even register.
My mom walked up behind me with a comb and started running it through my hair, trying
to get the knots out. It was fruitless… It desperately needed a good washing. She gave up
after a minute, grabbing a rubber band and pulling it back.
I heard the sound of a car coming up the driveway and my heart started racing. I was
frozen in spot, frightened. My mom dashed to the widow, glancing out. Her eyes were wide,
her expression panicked. She knew just as well as I did that my time was running short—
she knew where Charles had gone.
The car came to a stop in front of the house, the engine cutting off. I heard a car door slam
shut and listened intently, waiting to hear any sign of someone being with him.
“He’s alone,” my mom said, sounding pleased. I exhaled loudly, realizing I had been
holding my breath. She turned and smiled lightly at me, her expression relieved. She
walked to me quickly, pulling me into a hug and squeezing tightly. “Maybe he changed his
mind.”
I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right.”
She sighed, pulling out of the hug and grabbing my hand. “Don’t give up hope Isabella,” she
said sternly.
I nodded, more to appease her than anything. She didn’t need to know that I’d given up
hope a long time ago when I realized that an entire world existed beyond ours—a world I
knew very little of.
We started for the door, wanting to get over to the house to greet Charles before he decided
to come looking for us, when the sound of gravel crunching and the light purr of an engine
registered with our ears, indicating a car was coming up the driveway. My head snapped
toward my mom quickly, fear and panic written all over my face. Her expression matched
mine.
“Isabella!!!” Charles yelled from the house. “Get your ass in here now!”
I was shaking lightly, more scared now than ever before. My mom tried to smile, obviously
wanting to comfort me, but it came off looking like a grimace.
“Come on,” she said softly, leading me out of the room and down the stairs. We headed into
the back of the house and Charles was standing in the foyer, gazing out the front door. He
heard us coming and glanced in our direction.
“Did I call for you Renee?” he asked, his tone sharp. My mom froze in spot, glancing
between Charles and I quickly.
“I just thought…” she started.

“You aren’t here to think. Get your ass upstairs to my room, we’ll deal with you later.”
My mom nodded and tried to let go of my hand, but I clutched onto it tightly. She sighed,
using her other hand to pry my fingers away. “It’ll be okay sunshine, don’t worry. Just
listen to Charles and be on your best behavior.”
I nodded and she leaned over to kiss my cheek lightly before retreating up the stairs.
Charles shot me a pointed look and I walked the last few steps into the foyer. I stared down
at the ground, shaking with fear and chewing on my bottom lip trying to keep my
composure.
The front door opened and I heard a man speaking instantly. His voice was smooth and
slightly soft, the exact opposite of Charles’s. I glanced up in their direction and nearly
gasped at the sight of him. He was fairly tall, with bright blonde hair that was slicked back
and sparkling blue eyes. He was wearing an expensive looking suit and was talking into a
cell phone. He was staring right at me and raised his eyebrows questioningly when he saw
me looking at him. I felt fear shoot through me, afraid of what his reaction meant, unsure if
he’d be upset that I had looked at him. Charles tended to punish us if he caught us staring
at him. I blushed, embarrassed, and stared back down at the floor.
The man continued to talk on his phone—he was talking about some shipment coming in
somewhere. He hadn’t spoken to either Charles or I, not even really acknowledging us.
After a few minutes I peeked back up and saw Charles standing across the room, looking
almost as nervous as me. My brow furrowed in confusion, as I’d never seen him like that
before. Charles was always in control, never off his game. But now… now he looked rattled.
He kept glancing over at the blonde haired man nervously, his eyes darting down toward
the floor.
Even more fear rocked me as I realized that Charles was afraid of the man. It was written
all over his face.
The blonde haired man finally told whomever he was speaking to that he had to go and
snapped his phone shut.
All was completely silent then, the only sound I could hear was the blood pumping through
my body furiously. I stood frozen in spot, afraid to move.
“She looks horrible,” the man said after a moment, his voice oozing disgust. My eyes
widened, his words hurting. I’d had pretty much every insult imaginable thrown at me
from Charles and his wife and I usually shrugged it off, but something about this virtual
stranger cracked my tough exterior.
“I know she’s not the greatest looking girl…” Charles started, but the blonde haired man cut
him off.
“I didn’t say she was ugly,” he said sharply. Charles stopped speaking abruptly. “But she
does look horrible. You’ve got money, you can’t afford to dish out a few bucks on a decent
outfit or a pair of shoes for the child? Christ, look how tore up her feet are!”
“I, uh… well…” Charles mumbled. I peeked up at saw the blonde haired man staring at me.
My eyes met his and a slight smile crept onto his lips.
I looked back down after a second, eye contact with him being slightly uncomfortable. I
wasn’t used to it, the scrutiny of his gaze causing me to fidget.
“How much?” he asked after a moment.
“Well I was hoping to get one for her,” Charles said. The blonde haired man laughed.
“One, eh? When’s the last time the girl had a good scrubbing?”
“750?” Charles asked, his voice hopeful. “I mean, she’s still a virgin.”
The blonde haired man was quiet. I didn’t dare look up but I could feel his gaze, could
sense him staring at me. My heart was racing wildly at the mention of my virginity, fear
rocking me. The only knowledge of sex I had is what the women around here mentioned.
I’d seen Charles have sex with my mother before, have heard them more times than I could
count, and I remember clearly her crying afterwards, completely disgusted. Sex in my eyes
was nothing but a repulsive form of punishment.
I glanced up again eventually, the silence wearing me down. My eyes met his again and he
raised his eyebrows questioningly, so I looked away quickly, chewing on my lip nervously.
“She can’t even keep eye contact with me. There’s no way that’ll fly at my house,” he said,
finally breaking the silence.
“Girl,” Charles said sharply. My head shot up and I looked at the blonde haired man,
making sure to make eye contact. The last thing I wanted to do was infuriate Charles, as a
beating would make this day worse than it already was.
“Sorry Master Charles,” I said softly. The blonde-haired man smiled after a moment,
cocking his head to the side and eyeing me up. He finally nodded.
“She’s got potential. I’ll give you 500.”
Charles frowned. “With her age and virginity, I could get a lot more for her from the
auction.” My eyes widened at the mention of the auction. I knew from the others that girls
who were bought and sold at the action were typically turned into sex slaves and
prostitutes, whereas people occasionally got lucky in private sales.
The blonde haired man smiled. “Possibly, but she isn’t worth that much for what I want her
for. It’s evident she’s not used to being around people, you said she can’t even read or
write.”
I finally broke eye contact at his mention of reading and writing, glancing back down at the
ground. Charles didn’t know, but I had learned the basics of both over the years. The other
slaves taught me what they knew, which wasn’t much, and the rest I picked up on my own
over time. Charles’s wife had a habit of watching TV with the closed captioning on, which
helped a lot. I’d been blessed with an amazing memory and it had all come pretty naturally
to me. It was kept a secret though, because an educated slave was typically viewed as a
more dangerous slave.
“She’s a damn good worker, can cook and clean with the best of them.” Charles mumbled.
“Obedient. Worth every penny of 750.”
“I can tell. Did you chip her?”
“No, never had a reason to. She’s been here since the day she was born, never showed any
indication of thinking about leaving.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. Chipped?
“650, and that’s my final offer. I’ll have to have her chipped and it’s evident you have
nothing for the child, so I’m going to have to shell out the money to get her set up
properly.”
Charles was quiet for a moment. “You’ve got a deal,” he finally said.
I glanced up again and the blonde haired man smiled. “I’ll be back tomorrow with the cash.
Clean her up a bit for me, I’m not taking her anywhere with me looking like that.”
Charles nodded, reaching his hand out to shake the blonde haired guys’. He snapped open
his cell phone and dialed a number, heading for the door. He paused in the doorway,
turning back to look at me briefly.
“What’s your name, child?”
“Isabella,” I said softly, barely audible.
“Excuse me?” he said, raising his eyebrows expectantly. He hadn’t been able to hear me.
“My name’s Isabella, sir.”
He smiled and nodded. “Well, happy birthday Isabella.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said, slight taken back. He’d been the first one to wish me a happy
birthday, my own mother not mentioning the fact that I turned sixteen today. But
birthdays weren’t typically acknowledged for the most part, as there was nothing to
celebrate. The older the slaves got, the less useful they were. At a certain point, they were
deemed so useless that they were eradicated. My mother had always tried to shield me
from that, not wanting me to know that slaves faced their own form of genocide.
He nodded and headed out to his car. I stood frozen in spot, not daring to move until
Charles excused me. Charles stood at the door and watched as the car started up and the
blonde haired man pulled out of the driveway. He sighed loudly and turned toward me. I
glanced up at him and saw his expression was ruthless, his glare menacing.
He walked toward me quickly, closing the distance between us. I braced myself, unsure of
what he was going to do, when his hand shot out and slapped me hard right across the face.
My head jerked sideways and I brought my hand up to my cheek, stinging pain shooting
through me. I tasted the bitter saltiness immediately, realizing I’d be chewing on my lip
and pierced the skin with my teeth from the force of his hit. My eyes welled up with tears
and I tried to look away and fight them back, not wanting him to see me cry. I sucked on
my lip, nearly gagging on the disgusting blood taste but not wanting him to see it. The sight
of blood tended to urge him on, like it taunted him to draw even more. He grasped me by
my chin roughly and pulled my face toward him, forcing me to look at him.
“That man is powerful, important. Don’t you embarrass me girl, you hear me?” he yelled,
his face a mere few inches from mine. I could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath, feel
the slight spray of saliva from his words.
“Yes, Master Charles,” I whispered, losing the fight and tears running down my cheek. He
sighed, exasperatedly, and pushed me backwards. I stumbled but thankfully was able to
stay upright.
“Go to the kitchen and help with lunch while I go deal with your mother,” he said. I
nodded.
“Yes, sir.” I headed for the kitchen, where a slave named Clara already had lunch started.
She glanced up at me when I entered and smiled sadly.
“You okay?” she asked softly. I nodded but didn’t say anything. The side of my face was
throbbing, tears still running down my face.
I grabbed a spoon and went to the stove, stirring pasta that Clara already had boiling. I
closed my eyes and sighed when I heard the familiar sound of thumping start from
upstairs. Charles’s room was directly above the kitchen and we could hear the headboard of
the bed hitting against the wall when he had his way with her. That was his way of
punishing my mom; he usually never raised a hand to her, he degraded her in different
ways.
They came down eventually, Charles heading to his office and my mom joining us in the
kitchen. I could see the streaks on her face from where she had been crying, but she smiled
at me trying to pretend nothing was wrong.
After we finished making lunch, my mom and I headed outside to the garden. We were only
allowed to eat when invited to and that normally only happened once a day, usually at
night. I got down on my hands and knees and started pulling weeds. We lived in Phoenix,
Arizona, which happened to be one of the hottest and driest places in the country, so it
didn’t take long before I was sweating profusely and my skin was turning pink from sun
exposure.
Charles’s wife returned home and she headed into the house. She’d been staying gone a lot
lately, which was quite a catch-22. It helped me, as she tended to single me out to torture
purely for amusement, but my mom suffered more when Charles’s wife was gone. My mom
said they used to appear to love each other, but their marriage had turned into one of
convenience for the most part. I surely wasn’t an expert on relationships, but I do know
that whatever type of bond they shared now wasn’t something I’d ever want to be a part of
myself. It was unstable--they were always fighting and screaming and angry at each other. I
imagined that couldn’t be love.
I wasn’t exactly knowledgeable about love though, either, so what did I know. I guess what
I felt for my mom was a form of love and I liked to believe she loved me, but our situation
didn’t exactly condone really deep connections. You had to detach yourself somewhat from
everyone else to survive in this life. You never knew when someone close to you was going
to be hurt right in front of you, or when their time would be up and they’d be killed. There
was nothing you could do to stop it, as intervening would only land you the same fate as
them. You had to look out for yourself first and foremost, no matter how much you wanted
to care for others. I wasn’t sure I’d ever actually felt what love was really like and knew
romantic love was completely out of the question. I had no desire to experience it anyway,
no desire to allow myself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability was the quickest way to land
yourself six feet under.
My mom tried to stand up for me, shield me from the bad as much as possible. I felt like a
burden to her, often wondered if it would’ve been better had I never been born. I never said
those things out loud, knowing she’d disagree and tell me how precious I was and how
much I meant to her. A part of me wondered if maybe me being sent away was for the best.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and maybe I was being sent off to certain
death, but at least my mother wouldn’t have to carry the weight of my existence on her
shoulders anymore.
After a few minutes, Charles’s wife came back outside and waltzed out to the garden,
glaring down at me. “I heard you were sold to the Cullen family today,” she said, her voice
sounding smug. I glanced up at her and saw a sinister smile playing on her lips. “There’s no
way you’re good enough for them.”
She laughed to herself, amused, and turned to walk back away. My heart was pounding
frantically and I glanced over at my mom, who was absent-mindedly pulling weeds and
appeared to be shocked.
“Do you know who they are?” I asked after a few minutes. My mom sighed, stopping what
she was doing and sitting up on her knees.
“I heard the name often growing up. Powerful family. Organized crime. They aren’t the
type you cross, if you know what I mean.”
I nodded, realizing now why Charles had been so nervous in the blonde haired mans
presence. He had seemed nice enough but there had been a confidence about him that was
intimidating.
“You’ll be okay,” my mom said finally, going back to work. “You’re strong, always were.
You’ll survive it. Honestly, anything has to be better than this place.”
We worked in silence after that, both of us lost in thought. The back door to the house
opened eventually, Charles and his wife walking out. “Renee, bring Isabella into the house
and get her cleaned up real good.”
My mom stood up and held her hand out to me. I took it and she hauled me up off the
ground. We started toward the house slowly. I kept my head down, trying to avoid eye
contact as we walked past Charles and his wife. Before we cleared them, however, Charles’s
wife kicked her leg out, tripping me. I went flying, closing my eyes and throwing my hands
out to brace myself for impact with the ground. I landed on my hands and knees, pain
shooting through my limbs. I hauled myself up and saw that my hands were scuffed and
littered with gravel. I glanced down and saw that my knees also had been scraped, a streak
of blood running down my right leg and staining my pants.
“You got dirt on my shoes, slave,” Charles’s wife sneered, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Sorry, Mistress,” I said softly.
Charles’s wife snickered but Charles groaned. “Clean her cuts out good while you’re at it,”
he said to my mom.
We headed up stairs to the bathroom reserved for the servants. My mom started filling the
tub up with water while I stripped my clothes off. I slipped inside the tub, hissing as the
steaming hot water made contact with my sensitive skin. The water caused my palms and
knees to sting.
I dipped my head back and she grabbed the shampoo, pouring some into her hand and
lathering it up in my head. I closed my eyes and sighed contently, feeling her fingers
massaging my scalp. I knew this was one of the last few moments I’d get with my mom and
I was savoring every second of it. I had no idea where I was going or what I’d be doing, but
I did know what I was leaving behind and that fact hurt.
Chapter 3 Change is Inevitable
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.” --
Robert Frost
I hauled the large window open and sat on the windowsill, gazing out. I had on a pair of
plain black Capri’s that my mom had managed to scrounge up and a pink tank top that
Charles had gotten from his wife’s closet, much to her dismay. He also purchased a pair of
black flip-flops last night, not wanting me to be barefoot today. His wife hadn’t been very
happy about that, despite the fact that he’d only apparently paid a dollar for them. I could
hear them arguing over in the house half the night over it.
Everyone else was outside working but I was forbidden from leaving the room in the barn,
Charles not wanting me to get dirty. I was sweating, the humidity intolerable, and my mom
said I had a slight bruise on my face from Charles hitting me yesterday. I hadn’t seen it
myself, as I didn’t exactly have access to a mirror, so I wasn’t sure how bad it actually was.
My mom tended to downplay those sorts of things. I also could feel the sunburn on my
cheeks from working outside so much yesterday, and my palms and knees were scuffed up
but besides that I was fairly well put together. My hair was clean, the knots all out, and it
hung loosely down my back.
I was gazing down at my mom, who was working in the garden. She looked exhausted, had
been up all night with me sobbing and holding me tightly. It was our last night together
and she didn’t want to waste a single moment of it.
I heard the car approaching and Renee’s head shot up as she froze. She glanced between up
at me, looking panicked. I turned my head to look at the car, it was black with dark tinted
windows, expensive looking. I watched as the blonde haired man stepped out of the driver’s
seat, closing the door behind him. He was on his cell phone again and paused, looking up at
me in the window. Charles walked outside and greeted him but he ignored Charles,
focusing his attention on me. He turned away after a moment, smiling.
They went inside the house and I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, nervously
trying to make sure I was decent. They were in Charles’s office, their laughter ringing
through the house and filtering out the open windows. My heart was pounding frantically
and I felt slightly sick, light-headed and queasy. I hadn’t eaten in awhile, Charles refusing
to feed any of us last night because he’d caught Clara sneaking a bite of food while cooking
dinner. She’d only swiped a bit of sauce off of a spoon, claiming to ensure it was done
properly and tasted good, but Charles didn’t care. Tasting anything without permission,
regardless of how insignificant, was stealing in his eyes. He called us all out into the yard at
dinnertime and tied her to the railing of the porch, forcing us to watch as he whipped her
with a piece of cord. It was brutal, hearing her screams and watching her cry, being unable
to do anything to help her.
Charles hollered for me from the house eventually and I stood up, taking a deep breath. I
glanced around the room I’d shared with my mother my entire life, taking it all in one last
time before heading out. I walked across the yard slowly, making sure not to fall as I was
clumsy by nature and the last thing I needed was to embarrass myself already. When I
reached the house I stepped inside and glanced up, making sure to make eye contact with
the blonde-haired man. His smile fell immediately upon seeing me, and he groaned loudly.
“What the hell happened to her face?” he asked, his voice sharp and angry. My eyes
widened, as did Charles’s.
“She’s clumsy, she fell,” Charles muttered quickly. The blonde-haired man sighed, shaking
his head.
“Do you have any makeup? Your wife has to have foundation or something to cover up the
bruise.”
“Uh, I’m not sure how my wife will feel about that, I mean her makeup cost a fortune, was
special ordered and mixed,” Charles said.
“Well I can’t take her in public with a fucking handprint on her face, Charles,” the man
spat. Charles recoiled from his hostility and nodded.
“Yeah, okay, hold on.” Charles retreated from the room quickly, heading past me up the
stairs toward his room. I heard his wife’s voice after a moment, yelling—she definitely
wasn’t happy about it. Charles yelled back at her and they started fighting loudly. I was
used to their fighting by now and it surely wasn’t anything new that I was the source of
conflict.
The man walked forward to me. He reached his hand out toward my face and I flinched
instinctively. “I’m not going hit you, child,” he said softly. He ran his fingers lightly along
the bruise, surveying my face. His touch was soft and surprised me—no one besides my
mother had ever touched me so gently. “You’ll be alright, it should cover up nicely.”
A loud crashing sound came from upstairs, following by more screaming, and I jumped.
The blonde-haired man groaned loudly. “Such ingrates,” he muttered, more to himself than
anything. “But what do you expect from a man who would sell his own flesh-and-blood.”
I glanced at him with surprise and he smiled lightly. “Yeah, I’m not stupid. I know you’re
his.”
A door slammed upstairs, echoing through the house and vibrating the walls. We both
flinched from the sound and he dropped his hand. Charles came downstairs scowling,
holding a small bottle of liquid foundation in his hand. He paused in front of me, glancing
between the bottle and me, unsure of what to do. I knew nothing of makeup and neither
did he. The blonde-haired man cursed under his breath, snatching the bottle harshly from
Charles’s hand and opening it. He tipped it and pored a bit out onto his finger, bringing it
up and rubbing it into my cheek.
When he was satisfied with how I looked, he closed up the bottle and slipped it in his pants
pocket. Charles looked at him incredulously and the man smirked. “Thank your wife for the
makeup for me, will you? And be thankful I don’t take more than that. Everyone knows
there’s consequences to delivering damaged goods, what were you thinking laying a hand
on her after you had just sold her? Did you get a kick out of getting a last few licks in? Did
you at least leave the child’s virginity intact?”
I glanced up and involuntarily smiled at Charles’s stunned expression. The man caught me
and I stopped instantly, afraid of coming off as smug or defiant, but he didn’t react. Charles
would’ve beaten me to a pulp if he ever caught me reacting that way.
“Yes, she’s still pure, I’m absolutely positive she’s never whored around. I’d never touch her
in that way and I’m the only male she’s been around.”
The man froze, eyeing Charles skeptically. “Ever?” he asked, slightly hesitant with disbelief.
Charles nodded.
“Besides my father when she was a small child and now you, she’s never spoken to or even
been in the same room with another man.”
The man pinched the bride of his nose, groaning. “No wonder she’s so apprehensive.” He
chuckled after a moment before laughing loudly. “Oh, this is going to be fun. Real fun.”
Things grew quiet, Charles looking slightly scared and the man seemingly slightly
frustrated but borderline amused about something. I was a bit shocked and frightened by
the man’s reaction; he wasn’t making much sense to me. What was so funny about me not
having experience with males? And the fact that his words were dripping with sarcasm
concerned me. “Pleasure doing business with you, Swan,” he said after a moment.
“You too Mr. Cullen, sir,” Charles mumbled back. The man turned and glanced at me,
raising his eyebrows expectantly.
“Is there anything you’d like to take with you?” I shook my head no as I didn’t have any
personal possessions. “Okay, I guess we’ll go then.”
He held his hand out to me and I furrowed my brow, confused, unsure of what he wanted.
He sighed loudly, snatching a hold of my hand and pulling me toward the door. The man
paused and pulled my hand up, looking at the fresh scrape on my palm. He turned and
glared at Charles briefly, shaking his head. His expression was hostile, his eyes narrowed,
and I felt my heart start racing. It was clear this man could be terrifying when he wanted to
be. I turned and gave one last glance at Charles before being pulled outside.
He led me toward the car and without thinking I froze, stopping abruptly as my gaze fell
upon my mother standing in the garden. She was staring right at me, her expression
horrified. We both knew it was coming, we both knew I was leaving and had come to grips
with it in our own ways, but watching it happen was something entirely different. Harder
than I imagined it would ever be.
The man felt my resistance, refusal to take another step, and glanced around with
confusion trying to figure out why I’d stopped. His eyes fell upon my mom and he sighed.
“Is that your mother?” he asked. I nodded and felt the tears welling up in my eyes. He
exhaled loudly, something between a huff and a sigh, seeming frustrated but not entirely
angry. “You can have a moment to say goodbye.”
My head snapped in his direction, shocked. “You mean it?” I asked cautiously, trying to
keep my hope at bay. I didn’t know this man, didn’t know if it were some type of trick to
test me.
His expression mirrored his frustration. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” he said
pointedly. He nodded in her direction. “We have things to do, I don’t have all day. Go.”
He dropped my hand and I glanced over at my mom. I started sprinting in her direction,
kicking off the flip-flops along the way. I leapt at her and she caught me, both of us
stumbling backwards. She hugged me tightly. “My baby girl,” she sobbed.
The tears fell from my eyes and I squeezed her tightly. “I’ll miss you mom.”
“I’ll miss you too. And don’t you give up hope, Isabella. Promise me. You’re destined for
more.” I nodded, unable to speak through my now heavy sobbing. She pulled away after a
moment, reaching out and brushing my tears away from my cheeks.
“I didn’t ruin my makeup, did I?” I asked her cautiously; afraid the hard work to cover my
bruise had been wiped away. She smiled and shook her head.
I glanced behind me, noticing the man glancing at his watch with an annoyed expression
on his face. My mom sighed. “You need to get going,” she said. I nodded, leaning over and
kissing her cheek quickly. I turned and started back toward the car, picking up my shoes
along the way and slipping them back on while staring down at the ground. Walking away
from her was the hardest thing I’d ever done. My mom was the only true constant in my life
and I knew, walking away from her, I’d likely never see her again.
I reached the car and he opened the passenger door for me. I slipped inside and grabbed
the seat belt, putting it on. I’d only ridden in a car a handful of times and felt slightly out of
place. He climbed into the driver’s seat and buckled up, starting the car up and pulling
away. I stared out the side window crying quietly, trying to fight back the tears but they
continued to spill over. There was soft classical music playing on the car stereo, thankfully
loud enough to drown out my shaky breathing.
“I’m not sure if you’re aware, but my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen,” he said after a moment,
breaking the silence. I glanced at him quickly with confusion, slightly caught off guard by
the title. He smiled lightly. “Yes, I assure you I am indeed a real doctor.”
I nodded once, acknowledging I’d heard him. “Sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to seem like I didn’t
believe you. I just thought…” I trailed off, stopping myself before I said too much.
He smiled, seemingly slightly amused but there was a subtle seriousness in his eyes. I
thought I’d learned how to read people pretty good over the years, a trick you have to pick
up to keep yourself out of the line of fire when you live the life I do, but I was having a hard
time grasping his moods. He wasn’t reacting the way I was used to people reacting, his
expressions conflicting. “I imagine that’s not the part of my life people would inform you
of. No, nothing scandalous or exciting about practicing medicine, right?” he asked.
“Right,” I said softly, chewing on my bottom lip nervously, unsure if he was being playful or
if he were annoyed at the insinuation of his other lifestyle. I winced as my teeth dug into
the sore spot that had been busted open the day before.
“So what do you know about my family?”
I shrugged. “Not much. Just that your family may have ties to… organized crime,” I said
hesitantly, unsure of how much I was allowed to know. Charles always shielded us from his
work, anytime someone questioned or hinted about his illegal involvements he’d punish
them severely.
He nodded and thankfully didn’t lash out or appear upset--he seemed to be thinking about
something. “Do you know what it means to be tied to organized crime?” he asked after a
moment.
“Not exactly,” I said. “Is it like in the movie ‘The Untouchables’?”
He looked at me with a look of disbelief before breaking out into hysterical laughter,
catching me off guard. He composed himself after a moment, wiping his eyes, which had
started watering.
“I suppose you could say that. I wasn’t aware you were a fan of such movies,” he said,
glancing over at me.
My eyes widened, and I felt dread creeping up into me. We hadn’t actually been allowed to
watch TV and I wasn’t sure if he was aware of that. I just practically confessed to having
seen at least some of the movie “The Untouchables”, which would indicate I’d been
disobedient.
“Master Charles was a big fan of it sir, watched it often. It was just a movie so I wasn’t sure
how off-base it was.”
He smiled. “It’s fairly accurate, I suppose. It is a story based on my organization, after all.”
I nodded, outwardly remaining calm but that fact frightening me a bit. I hadn’t seen the
entire thing, of course, but it was chocked full of dangerous men and violence. He was quiet
for a moment before sighing. “Look, we’re going to get this out into the open now. I’m
going to tell you what I feel you should know, and if you have any questions you’re free to
ask them. There’s one thing you’ll learn quickly in my house, and that’s that we’re open
people. We don’t hide or keep secrets inside the walls of the Cullen property, never have
and we’re not going to start now. You’ll hear and see things that you probably shouldn’t,
but the fact remains that you will. By the time we reach my house I want you to be well
aware of what is and is not expected of you. I anticipate a certain adjustment period but I
want things to go as smoothly as possible from the start.”
I nodded in understanding. He paused for a moment and seemed to be thinking, judging by
his expression. “First and foremost, I expect allegiance. Anything less than complete loyalty
and you’ll be deemed a traitor and face the consequences, and in case you’re unaware the
punishment for treason in my world is death. You’ll see that I run my household differently
from others and your life is going to be nothing like it was with your father. You will have a
certain amount of freedom within my house and your life with us will grant you some sense
of normalcy, but don’t let it fool you Isabella. I own you. If you defy me, or act out beyond
what I think is normal behavior, you will be punished. But I will not routinely beat you just
for the sake of doing it, as I think that’s despicable. I am not a child abuser, my own
children can attest to that.”
I was looking at him with a bit of surprise, his words sinking in. It was hard to reconcile it
all or understand exactly what it was he was telling me. I’d only ever lived one way, and had
no idea what he meant by having certain freedoms or normalcy. I had no idea what normal
was.
He was looking at me expectantly, obviously wanting me to say something in response. I

was unsure of what to say or how to react so I blurted out the first thing that came to my
mind. “You have children?”
He nodded. “I do. Three teenage boys. Two eighteen year olds and a seventeen year old.”
“Twins?’ I asked curiously. He shook his head.
“The eldest was adopted when he was almost a year old. The other two were born back-to-
back. We basically went from childless to having three boys within one year.” I felt a dread
creep through me at the prospect of being in close proximity with three boys close to my
age. I was barely comfortable enough around Dr. Cullen to even speak—how was I going to
deal with three males my own age? I had no idea what to expect with them, how to act
around them.
He noticed my worried expression and smiled lightly. “Yes, I know. You’ve never been
around men, much less teenage boys. You’re in for quite a shock.” He laughed to himself,
shaking his head. “Don’t worry though, my sons know what is expected of them and will act
appropriate enough. They can be rambunctious at times but I like to think they’re decent
boys for the most part. They’ll never raise a hand to you, as they’ve been raised to respect
women. They’ll also never force themselves upon you for the same reason. You may find
them to be a bit flirtatious but I assure you, they’re relatively harmless. You may actually
grow to enjoy their company.”
I nodded, unsure as to whether or not that could ever be a possibility but not disagreeing
with him. I didn’t know him well enough to know if he was lying but I was quite relieved to
hear that there apparently weren’t any plans of abusing me.
“So what is expected of me?” I asked cautiously.
He sighed. “Quite a few years back I relocated my family to Washington from Chicago, for
safety purposes. I’m still very much involved in the business in Chicago; I’m a Consigliere,
or advisor of sorts within the organization. My family’s been held in high regard within the
order for a very long time and it’s ingrained in me, but I maintain another life in
Washington where I indeed do practice medicine. I’m able to handle a lot of my other
affairs from afar, but it takes a lot of time out of my life and I often have no choice but to
travel to Chicago and take care of things in person.”
He glanced at me, I assume to gauge whether or not I was keeping up and how I was taking
the information. I had no idea what it all had to do with me but I nodded in
acknowledgment so he knew I was listening.
“Because of my work, I have very little time for other things. My household still needs ran
and maintained, and that’s where you come in. I’d usually go for someone older, but my
boys are grown now and can take care of themselves for the most part so they don’t need
anyone to look after them. I figured it might work out better now if I brought someone
closer to their own age into the household.”
“So basically cooking and cleaning?” I asked. He nodded.
“For the most part, yes. I don’t expect you to wait on us hand-and-foot, though. The boys
are free to keep their rooms as they want. The most you’ll have to do for them is likely
laundry, as I’m quite sure none of them know or even care to know how to operate a washer
or dryer. If they do request you to do something in their bedroom, than you are expected to
do so, but it’s not often that’ll happen. The older two are good at pulling their own weight
and the youngest is a bit finicky with his stuff, so I’m not sure he’ll ever invite you inside his
bedroom much less ask you to touch his belongings. And unless they invite you in their
rooms, you aren’t to enter them under any circumstances, do you understand?”
“Yes, sir,” I said softly.
“Basically, as long as the main parts of the house are kept up with and we have clean
clothes to wear there won’t be any problems. As far as cooking goes, you’re responsible for
dinner being ready around 7pm every night. Breakfast and lunch we’re typically either not
home or we fend for ourselves, but if one of us asks that you make us something of course
you should do so.”
I nodded. It seemed relatively easy so far, I didn’t quite grasp why he’d need to stoop so low
as to purchase a slave.
“And your wife, sir? Where is she?” I asked, noticing he hadn’t mentioned his boys’ mother.
His expression shifted, as he visibly grew upset. He didn’t respond or even turn to me and
acknowledge what I’d said, instead glaring straight ahead at the road. I could tell I hit a
nerve by bringing up a sensitive subject.
I gazed out the side window, thinking. I was trying to come to grips with everything, trying
to understand what my purpose was.
“Do you have another question, Isabella?” Dr. Cullen asked after awhile, seeing the slightly
confused look on my face. I looked over at him and saw he was watching me expectantly.
“I guess I’m just curious why you bought me, sir.”
He smiled lightly. “Why you in particular, or why did I buy someone period?”
“Both, I guess. I mean I do wonder why me but I just don’t see why you had to buy a slave.
Couldn’t you just hire a cook and maid? At least you wouldn’t be breaking the law that
way.”
He laughed loudly, startling me. “Dear, nothing about my life is legal, which is exactly why
legal help is impossible. Have you already forgotten the part where I said there were no
secrets inside our property? I can’t simply hire someone and hope they don’t see anything,
or if they do they keep their mouth shut. No, I need to know my secrets are safe.”
“That makes sense, I guess,” I said.
He smiled and drove in silence for a while. “As for why you,” he said eventually. “Well…
maybe I’ll explain that to you another day.”
After being in the car for about 20 minutes he pulled into a parking lot of a large building
and shut the car off. I glanced over and saw a green, blue, and white sign. I couldn’t read
the entire thing but I made out the part that declared it was a ‘Medical Center’.
Dr. Cullen turned to me, his expression serious. “I expect you to be on your best behavior
inside of here. I’ll try to make this as comfortable as possible for you, as I know you’ve
likely never been to a hospital or had an exam before, but until you get chipped I can’t let
you out of my sight. Do you understand?”
“Chipped?” I asked hesitantly, not at all understanding what he was talking about.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and appeared frustrated. “It’s a small microchip, do you
know what one of those is?” I shook my head no cautiously. “GPS?” he asked, raising his
eyebrows. I shook my head no again. “It’s hard to explain, you’ll just have to see for
yourself,” he said with a shrug.
He stepped out of the car quickly and I unbuckled my seatbelt. He walked around and
opened the passenger door, holding his hand out to me again. I took it this time, timidly.
He helped me out of the car and closed the door, turning and leading me toward the
building. He let go of my hand as we walked inside and he walked slowly down the wide
brightly lit hallway, making sure I was beside him the entire time. He stopped at a door at
the end of the hallway and knocked.
A dark skinned man opened the door quickly, smiling widely as his eyes fell upon Dr.
Cullen, showing off a large gap between his front teeth. He moved to the side, waving his
hand to motion us inside. Dr. Cullen stepped past him and I followed. The other man
closed the door behind us, locking it. My heart started racing at the sound of the lock
clicking.
“Just in time,” he said in a thick Middle Eastern accent. “So, this is her,” he said, turning to
me. His eyes roamed up and down my body slowly, making me uncomfortable. I wrapped
my arms around my chest, feeling slightly exposed.
“Yes,” Dr. Cullen said simply.
The man walked across the room and opened up a drawer, rifling through it. He pulled out
a small box and a white packet containing a syringe. He opened the box and pulled
something out so small that I couldn’t really see it, but it sat on the tip of his finger. He
glanced up at me and smiled. “Come and sit,” he said, motioning toward a chair beside
him. I looked at Dr. Cullen and he nodded, so I took the few steps forward and sat down
nervously.
The man opened the syringe and smiled down at me. “Lean your head forward toward your
knees,” he said. I did as he said and felt his hand grab the hemline of my shirt and pull it up
to expose my back. My heart started racing fast and I panicked, jumping up quickly. The
man grabbed a hold of my shoulder, gripping me tightly and threw me back down into the
chair. He grabbed the back of my head and forced it down roughly. I cried out and Dr.
Cullen groaned.
“Be careful with her, Ishmel,” he said. The man let go of my head immediately. Dr Cullen
stood in front of me and brought his hand out, laying it gently on the back of my head—not
enough to force me down, but enough pressure to keep me in my position. My shirt was
pulled back up again, exposing my back. I felt something cold being rubbed between my
shoulders and then a sharp sticking pain. I cried out again and Dr. Cullen sighed. He
moved his hand, stroking my hair lightly.
After a second the pain subsided and my shirt was pulled back down. Dr. Cullen let go of
me and took a few steps back. I sat upright in the chair but didn’t dare get up. I gazed down
at the floor and could feel a tear stream down my cheek.
Dr. Cullen thanked the man and he left the room, shutting the door behind him. Dr. Cullen
was quiet and stood in place. After a moment I couldn’t take it anymore and glanced up. He
was staring at me intently.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded hesitantly. “I was going to have a full exam done today
but I can already tell that wouldn’t go over very well. So I guess it can wait a few days, I’ll
just have to do it myself when we get home.”
Chapter 4 Home Sweet Home
“You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make
something out of nothing” -- Henry Louis Mencken
Dr. Cullen drove in silence. He hadn’t said much of anything at all since leaving the medical
center. I wasn’t sure if this was his usual demeanor or if I’d upset him when I panicked. He
hadn’t explained exactly what they’d done to me but I had a pretty good idea that I’d been
chipped, whatever that meant. That made me nervous, the talk of microchips and GPS. It
couldn't be good, that I was sure of.
His phone rang and he picked it up, glancing at the screen. He sighed exaggeratedly,
seeming frustrated, and flipped it open. “Dr. Snow, what do I owe the honor?” he said in an
oddly chipper voice that didn't match his expression. I could hear a male voice respond on
the line but couldn’t make out what was being said.
“What?! Where is he?!”
Dr. Cullen huffed after a moment, thanking the doctor and hanging up. He pushed a few
buttons on his phone and put it back up to his ear, listening to it ring.
A voice picked up followed by a beep and Dr. Cullen groaned. “Edward Anthony you have
exactly 20 minutes to call me back or the car is gone,” he said sharply. He snapped his
phone closed and sighed.
Dr. Cullen was quiet again, an uncomfortable silence lingering in the car. After a moment
my stomach growled loudly and I blushed, embarrassed.
Dr. Cullen glanced at the time. “Did you miss breakfast this morning?” he asked.
“Charles doesn’t allow breakfast, sir.”
I glanced over and caught him rolling his eyes. “It’s no wonder you all were so skinny.
When’s the last time you ate?”
“The night before last,” I said. Dr. Cullen’s head snapped in my direction and he looked at
me incredulously.
“Christ, you need a cheeseburger,” he muttered. I smiled lightly.
He drove for another minute or so before slamming on the brakes and swinging a quick
right into a parking lot. I glanced up and saw the golden arch and my eyes widened. I
wasn’t completely ignorant to the outside world. Just because I didn’t personally
experience things didn’t mean I didn’t know about their existence. I occasionally got my
hands on newspapers and magazines and skimmed through them when no one was
around, since they didn’t know I could read. I watched my fair share of television over the
years also. I never got to sit down and indulge, but I could sneak peeks when no one was
paying me any attention and I’d listen to it from another room when Charles or his wife
were watching. So just because I was technically a slave from the day I was born, hidden
from the outside word, didn’t mean I wasn’t aware of what McDonalds was.
“Have you ever had fast food?” he asked as he pulled up to the drive-thru. I shook my head
no and he sighed. “What do you want?”
“Uh, whatever you want to get,” I said, slightly stunned that he was not only buying me
something to eat but that he was asking me what I wanted. That was definitely a first.
“Just pick out what you want,” he said, shrugging. I glanced over at the menu, slightly
overwhelmed.
“Chicken Nuggets, I guess?” He nodded, ordering a McNugget combo with a coke. He paid
for it with a silver credit card and handed me the bag of food.
“You can eat in the car,” he said. I smiled and thanked him but he waved me off like it was
no big deal. I was taken back by it all. To him it seemed like nothing special but it meant a
lot to me. Such a simple gesture but I’d never had someone be so nice to me.
I ate slowly in silence, savoring every bite despite the fact that I was famished. I enjoyed the
bubbliness of the soda also, having never had it before. Charles always forbid us from
anything but water and the occasional glass of milk or fruit juice if he deemed it necessary.
Dr. Cullen’s phone rang eventually and he picked it up. He shook his head and flipped it
open. “That was 27 minutes, Edward.”
There was silence as Dr. Cullen listened to the person on the phone. He stopped at a red
light and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “It’s only been two
weeks, son. Two weeks back in Forks and you can’t stay out of trouble. Maybe public high
school isn’t for you, maybe you should go back to Grand River Academy.”
I nearly laughed out loud as I heard the person on the phone scream “NO” but I kept my
composure, not wanting to seem like I was eavesdropping. I gathered that Edward was one
of Dr. Cullen’s sons.
The light changed and Dr. Cullen still had his eyes closed. “Sir, the light’s green,” I said
hesitantly, unsure how he was going to take me interrupting. His eyes popped open and he
glanced at me, smilingly lightly while hitting the gas.
“Yes, that’s her,” he said, glancing over to me briefly. “But quit changing the subject. I’ll be
home in a few hours and we’ll discuss it then.”
Dr. Cullen shut his phone and shook his head. “Have I mentioned that my youngest son has
a knack for getting into trouble? He looks exactly like his mother but I swear he’s a clone of
me at his age. He’s already following directly in my footsteps.”
“And he’s the finicky one?” I asked.
Dr. Cullen smiled. “Isabella, do you even know what finicky means?”
I smiled sheepishly, blushing from embarrassment. “No, sir.”
He laughed. “Picky. Particular. Fussy. Big ol’ pain in my ass.”
I laughed loudly, stopping myself abruptly and covering my mouth with my hand. I looked
at him with wide eyes. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
He smiled. “No need to apologize. Laughing’s good, you should do it more often.”
I nodded, smiling. We finished the drive in silence, neither of us saying another word until
he pulled into the airport. I was slightly afraid of flying, having never even considered the
option of me ever getting on an airplane, but I kept quiet.
Dr. Cullen reached into the backseat and grabbed a bag. He pulled an orange pill bottle out
and opened it, pulling out a tiny white pill and handing it to me. I looked at him
questioningly.
“It’s Ativan, for anxiety. It’ll ward off a panic attack.”

I nodded and took the pill from him cautiously. There was a voice inside of me screaming
not to trust him, as anyone who purchased another human being as if they were a
possession shouldn’t ever be trusted. But there was a part of me that was slightly comforted
by Dr. Cullen, as irrational as that may have been. Even though he was hard to read and
often seemed annoyed and frustrated by me, he had been surprisingly kind overall. He was
staring at me expectantly so I popped it in my mouth, swallowing it.
I followed Dr. Cullen inside the airport, staying close by his side at all times as he returned
the rental car and started checking us in for a flight to Seattle. I followed him through
security, following his cues as I was completely out of my element. My fear was surging and
I was shaking lightly, having never been around so many people before. It was nerve
racking.
Dr. Cullen pulled out an ID card, handing it to me. I glanced down at it and saw it had my
picture on it. All of it was right except for my birthday, which was off by two years.
We took a seat, having another few minutes until the plane boarded. I was gazing down at
the ID card, a little confused, and Dr. Cullen glanced over at me.
“Happy 18th birthday,” he said. I looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. He smiled. “I can’t
have a minor working in my home, child labor laws and all that. Merely for precaution.” I
nodded, a little surprised he’d go so far. I was used to being hidden, no one ever knowing I
existed.
I felt the drug kicking in after a moment, a light relaxing feeling overcoming me. I was
immensely grateful, my fear dissipating.
A lady came over the intercom, announcing our plane was boarding. Dr. Cullen purchased
first class seats, refusing to fly coach himself and refusing to let me out of his sight. I
panicked a bit at take off and when we hit a bit of turbulence at the beginning, but it wasn’t
as bad as I expected. I drifted off to sleep halfway through the flight, utterly exhausted from
not having slept the night before.
The flight itself was only about 3 hours long. We landed close to 5pm and Dr. Cullen
nudged me awake. I followed him off the plane and out of the airport, into a parking lot. He
led me to a Black Mercedes with dark tinted windows, unlocking the passenger door and
ushering me inside.
He drove to the waterfront and we boarded a ferry around 5:30. I was excited but tried to
contain it—I’d never been on the water before and it was utterly beautiful. The trip on the
ferry took about an hour, and we slipped back in the car to head back on the road.
It seemed like we’d been driving forever when Dr. Cullen finally slowed and pulled off the
main road, onto an overgrown path. It appeared to be in the middle of nowhere, no other
houses nearby. It was dark now and I glanced at the clock on the dash. 9:20 pm.
The weather here was shocking. I was used to the hot dry air in Phoenix but the air here
was cool and damp. Everything in Phoenix was open and brown; everything here was green
and shrouded with overgrowth.
He drove down the narrow path for a few minutes, nothing around us but trees, before
coming to a clearing. My eyes widened and I gasped as the house came into sight.
It was massive. I always thought Charles had a big house but this one was over twice the
size of his. The house itself appeared to have been here for a long time but was in amazing
condition. It was white, three stories high with a large porch wrapping around the first
floor. The clearing the house stood on had a few large trees scattered around, I imagine
shading the house during the daylight.
Dr. Cullen led me to the front door and opened it, motioning for me to step inside. I did so
timidly, feeling completely out of place. The house was graceful, classic—I felt like me just
being here degraded it.
I stepped into a large room, large enough that it could’ve originally been several rooms, and
glanced around. Everything was different shades of white, making it seem open and airy.
The entire back wall was glass and I could see out into the backyard, faintly making out the
trees in the dark.
I glanced beside me, to the left, and saw a platform with a piano sitting on it. Behind the
piano was a door that led to the kitchen, from what I could tell. There was a living area
ahead to the left, I could see the couch. To the right was a massive staircase with some
rooms behind it, but I couldn’t tell what they were.
Dr. Cullen closed and locked the front door and pressed a few buttons on a massive keypad
on the wall. He walked past me and entered what I believed to be the kitchen and I heard
some cabinets banging around. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, if I was supposed
to follow him. He hadn’t said anything, though, so I stayed in place, staring down at the
ground.
I heard movement after a moment, someone coming down the stairs. I peeked up and my
eyes widened as I saw the massive form. He had short dark hair, slightly curly. He had
bigger muscles than I’d ever seen on a person before and was at least 6 foot tall. He looked
young, his facial features still slightly soft, but his body was intimidating. My eyes shot back
down at the floor, my heart racing. He paused at the bottom step and I could sense him
watching me.
“Hey, son,” Dr. Cullen’s voice rang out. I looked over and saw him standing in the doorway
from the kitchen, looking at the boy who had just walked down the stairs. He was holding a
sandwich and I got nervous, unsure if I should’ve done that for him.
“I could’ve made you something to eat, sir,” I said softly, my voice cracking from anxiety.
“Nonsense, child, I’m perfectly capable of throwing together a sandwich,” he said with a
smile. I nodded and turned my head to look back down at the ground. He sighed and
walked over to me, stopping in front of me. He reached his hand out and gripped my chin,
pulling my head up to look at him. “Relax,” he said softly, giving me a small smile. I
returned the smile but it did nothing to calm my nerves.
I heard someone else coming down the stairs and Dr. Cullen let go of me, moving away
from in front of me. I glanced over and saw a tall boy with slightly tanned skin and curly
blonde hair.
“Isabella, this is my middle son, Jasper,” Dr. Cullen said, motioning toward the blonde.
“Hello Isabella,” Jasper said politely, smiling.
“Hello, Jasper, sir,” I said.
“And this is my oldest son Emmett,” Dr. Cullen said, motioning toward the large dark
haired boy. I glanced over at him and he smiled, nodding.
“Hi,” he said. I smiled.
“Hello, sir.”
He laughed loudly, startling me. “Oh, no that won’t do. I can’t be much older than you. Sir
is completely unnecessary.”
“Sorry,” I said softly, smiling lightly.
Dr. Cullen laughed, amused at something. I looked over and saw him shaking his head. He
cleared his throat after a moment. “Where’s Edward?” he asked.
Emmett rolled his eyes. “In his room.”
“Is he alone?” Dr. Cullen asked, his voice hesitant as if he really didn’t want to know the
answer to the question. Emmett shrugged.
Dr. Cullen shook his head. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed a number.
“Get your ass into my office within the next five minutes,” he said quickly before hanging
up. He smiled at me. “You must be hungry, Isabella. Why don’t you go into the kitchen and
make yourself a sandwich. After you eat Jasper can show you to your room. I’ll have some
clothes purchased for you tomorrow, but I’ll try to scrounge something up for you to sleep
in tonight.”
I nodded and hesitated, but turned to walk away. I paused as I stepped inside the massive
kitchen, taking it all in. The countertops were marble, most everything dark and metal—the
exact opposite of the rest of the house.
Someone brushed past me and I flinched away from the unexpected contact. I glanced up
to see Emmett looking at me questioningly, obviously skeptical of my reaction. Jasper
walked in behind him and smiled lightly at me.
“Hungry?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. I nodded and he opened the fridge door,
glancing around. Emmett grabbed a loaf of bread from the counter top and undid the
twisty tie while Jasper pulled out some ham and slices of cheese.
“Uh, I can do that,” I said, breaking my stance and heading toward them. Jasper’s hand
shot out toward me and I froze abruptly, instinctively recoiling backwards, bracing for him
to hit me. He furrowed his brow and my eyes widened when I realized he’d only raised his
hand to wave me off.
“I wasn’t going to hit you,” he said incredulously.
“Sorry, I’m just used to… it.” I said, my voice soft. He sighed.
“I can imagine,” he muttered. He grabbed some bread Emmett held out to him and made a
sandwich quickly. He pulled off a paper towel and handed it to me along with the
sandwich.
I took it hesitantly. “Thank you, sir.”
“You’re welcome.” I stood there and ate my sandwich quietly. Emmett made himself one
and left, heading back upstairs. Jasper put everything away and cleaned up, turning to face
me when he was done.
He was silent, his expression curious. His gaze was making me nervous and my hands
started to shake. He sighed after a moment and turned around, facing away from me.
“Jasper, sir?” I said when I finished my sandwich. “Where’s the trash can?”
He smiled and opened up a cabinet beside him, where the trash can sat. I walked forward
and threw my paper towel away.
“Come on, I’ll give you the tour,” he said. He pointed out the dining room adjacent to the
kitchen. We walked back out into the big room and I followed him toward the living area,
where he pointed out the TV and stereo system and gaming systems and computers. I
smiled politely, not really understanding why he was bothering but it was nice of him
anyway. He pointed out the bathroom and laundry room under the staircase, and another
room, which he indicated was locked constantly and only Dr. Cullen entered.
We started walking for the stairs and Jasper hesitated. “Piano, which you might want to
stay away from. If Edward catches you touching it he’d probably break your fingers.”
His voice was serious and I felt a small surge of fear at his words. I had yet to meet Edward,
but I gathered he was the most troublesome of the Cullen kids and from what others said
he’d likely be the least friendly.
We headed up the wide staircase to the second floor and into a paneled hallway. He
pointed out him and Emmett’s rooms at the front and then toward the back he pointed out
Dr. Cullen’s room and his office.
We turned to head for the stairs again when a voice suddenly shouted a string of profanities
from the vicinity of Dr. Cullen’s office. I froze, my eyes wide with surprise. Jasper laughed,
shaking his head.
“That would be Edward. He takes some getting used to.”
Jasper led me to the third floor, coming out into another long paneled hallway. The front
was an immense room that Jasper stated was the library. We walked to the back and Jasper
paused.
“This is Edwards room,” he said, pointing to the one on the right. “And this will be yours,”
he said, pointing to the one on the left. “Each room has it’s own bathroom.”
I nodded, thanking him softly. He smiled and opened up the bedroom door, waving me
inside. I stepped in cautiously and Jasper flicked on the light. My eyes widened in surprise
at the enormity of the room. It was fully furnished, a massive bed with a mahogany
headboard and tan comforter on it was sitting in the back of the room with a matching
mahogany dresser and vanity with a large mirror. The room had plush white carpeting, the
walls a soft tan color. There was a tan leather couch near the front of the room with a small
mahogany table in front of it. I glanced around and my eyes fell upon the flat screen TV
that hung on the wall. I gaped at it for a moment, blinking rapidly and shaking my head.
“Are you sure I’m supposed to sleep in here? I mean, there has to be a mistake.”
He laughed lightly. “No, no mistake. Definitely your room. Make yourself comfortable, I’ll
see about your clothes to sleep in.”
Jasper turned and walked out, shutting the door behind him. I stayed frozen in spot,
glancing around, taking everything in. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. I
was completely taken back, out of my element.
After a few minutes of complete silence, a door slammed across the hall, startling me. I
jumped and yelped, grabbing my chest as my heart started racing. Soft knocks came on my
door and it was pushed open slowly. I turned around to see Dr. Cullen in the doorway. He
smiled and held out some clothes.
“They’ll be big on you but it’s the best we can come up with right now.”
“Thank you,” I said, taking the clothes from him. He nodded and turned to walk away but
hesitated.
“This is your home now too, Isabella. I hope that you’ll grow to be comfortable here. Just
remember everything I’ve told you and you shouldn’t have any problems. But if any should
arise, don’t hesitate to come to me with them. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said softly.
Chapter 5 A Whole New World
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they
arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." -- Anais Nin
I started hyperventilating the moment Dr. Cullen closed the door to my bedroom, leaving
me on my own for the rest of the evening. My knees were wobbly and I walked slowly over
to the tan couch, collapsing on it. I felt so foolish, falling apart as I was, but I couldn’t help
it. I wasn’t frightened per say, wasn’t panicking from fear. I was just utterly overwhelmed
and confused, unsure of the turn my life was taking. Everything was happening so fast,
nothing making sense. I wasn’t used to change, everything was so new to me I didn’t know
how to take it all.
After I calmed down enough to function, I stood up and stripped my clothes off quickly. I
picked up the clothes Dr. Cullen had brought me and unfolded them. I pulled on the pair of
red and black flannel pants, rolling them up at the waist a few times to make them fit
slightly better. They still swallowed my small frame, dragging the ground. I grabbed the
shirt and eyed it hesitantly. It said Forks High School on the front with a picture of a
football. On the back were the letters ‘C-U-L-L-E-N’, which looked to me to likely be their
last name, along with the number 21. I slipped it on, it falling nearly to my knees.
I walked over to the door leading to my bathroom and pushed it open. I turned on the light
and gasped. The bathroom was massive, white tile and a huge garden tub in the corner.
There was also a shower with frosted glass doors and a large sink with a big mirror above it.
It was stunning, to say the least.
I found towels and washcloths in a cabinet near the toilet and grabbed one of each. The
towel was fluffy and soft, smelling faintly like flowers from the detergent used on it. I
walked over to the sink and washed my face, getting all of the makeup off that Dr. Cullen
had put on me that had yet to wear off. I dried it off and glanced up in the mirror, frowning.
Dr. Cullen was right--you could clearly make out the faint handprint shape in the bruise.
It wasn’t as bad as I originally suspected though, I’d had a lot worse. Ever since Charles’s
wife figured out my paternity she took a liking to marking up my face. I’d been beaten so
hard before that my entire face was swollen and I was barely able to see out of either of my
eyes. My nose had been broken once during a beating but I was never given medical
attention for it. Charles never got us medical attention for anything; he always said if
something happened to one of us that wouldn’t heal on it’s own he’d do us a favor and put
us out of our misery. My nose had a bump to it and was slightly crooked now, but it wasn’t
too horrible. I’d been relatively lucky when it came to permanent damage; besides the
slight disfigured nose all I had were scars. I’d watched other women lose teeth and break
serious bones that never reformed properly, slightly disabling them. One girl was blinded
in one eye from a kick to the face. This bruise--this was nothing. It would fade and with it,
the memory. Bruises were easily forgotten.
I turned off the light and walked back into the bedroom. I walked over to the door to turn
off the light and paused. I could faintly hear music coming from across the hall. I couldn’t
make out what it was but it sounded slightly like soft rock. It wasn’t as if I’d be able to
recognize an artist or song name away—I’d never been exposed to much music besides
what Charles or his wife occasionally played or what I heard coming from the television in
passing. Whatever it was sounded soothing though, mellow.
I turned the light off and walked over to the bed, pulling the comforter down and climbing
in. The mattress was so soft it nearly swallowed my form in it. The sheets were silky and
smooth, the comforter soft and fluffy. I wrapped myself up in the comforter tightly, sighing
contently as my head sunk into the pillow. I couldn’t remember ever being so comfortable
before, feeling so… safe.
It was startling. Despite my utter exhaustion I couldn’t seem to fall asleep, couldn’t shut my
mind off. I was trying to come to terms with everything, trying to sort things out.
I wasn’t fooling myself--I knew what I was. Despite the comfortable bed and the spacious
bedroom, I was still nothing but a slave. My life was in their hands for them to do with me
what they wanted. Just because they seemed more humane than what I’d grown used
to, didn’t mean things couldn’t shift quickly. I wouldn’t be complacent, wouldn’t let my
guard down. I knew my place in the world, you could dress it up all you wanted but it didn’t
change the basic facts. I was property, someone owned me.
I’d witnessed Dr. Cullen’s temper at Charles’s house, had seen how afraid of Dr. Cullen
Charles had been. I imagine there had to have been some sort of history there, but nothing
I’d be aware of. Dr. Cullen seemed to be relatively calm and easy-going on the surface but
I wouldn’t fool myself into thinking he couldn’t be aggressive. I’d secretly seen “The
Untouchables” more than once—I knew for a fact men like him were indeed dangerous.
There was something boiling under the surface of that calm front, something volatile, and
it wasn’t something I ever wanted unleashed upon me. Charles had been easy to anger, he’d
flip out quickly and take his aggression out on you but it was always bearable. I had a
feeling Dr. Cullen was the type of man who rarely snapped, but when he did you didn’t walk
away from it.
His sons surprised me. Emmett was intimidating; there was no doubt about it. Being in a
room with him I felt insignificant because of his size. It instinctively ignited fear. He
seemed nice though, with a happy and carefree nature. His looks and personality were
definitely at odds with each other—it would take me awhile to get over the natural aversion
to him. There was something about Jasper that was slightly calming, relaxing. He was
sweet and had a politeness about him. He’d stunned me by treating me as if I were an
equal. He’d even made me a sandwich. He served me--the servant. It was baffling. I had to
wonder at first if he knew what I was, but Dr. Cullen had assured me there were no secrets
in his house.
I had yet to meet the youngest, Edward, and if I were being honest I’d have to say I was
apprehensive about it. I was a bit worried about how he was going to act, how he’d treat
me. The impression I’d gotten so far was that he was slightly uptight about things and
possibly a troublemaker. He surely had a foul mouth and wasn’t afraid to speak his mind to
his dad so I wasn’t sure there’d be any reason for him to not lash out at me. Dr. Cullen said
he was a lot like him, though, so that gave me a bit of hope. Dr. Cullen wasn’t outright
mean, at least.
I tossed and turned all night, drifting off to sleep eventually but waking abruptly a short
time later, looking around confused by my surroundings. When I’d realize where I was I’d
drift off to sleep again, only for the pattern to continue. At one point I glanced over to the
clock and saw that it was a few minutes past 5am. Charles always demanded that we get up
at 5am to start our day and if he found out we didn’t get up in time he’d punish us. We got
away with sleeping in when he was gone—those were always our favorite days, when we
could sleep until noon and no one would say anything. The people who watched us when
Charles was out never said a word to him about it.
I was kicking myself for not asking Dr. Cullen what time I was expected to get up in the
mornings. I lay there for a few minutes, glaring at the alarm clock, before sighing and
getting up. There was no way I’d be able to fall asleep now.
I made my bed quickly and walked across the room, quietly opening my door. The floor was
dark and quiet, the music I’d heard earlier gone. I pulled my door shut and quietly made
my way down the hall, wrapping my arms around my chest. I was nervous and anxious, a
bit unsure of what to do. I couldn’t just lie around though--I had to do something.
I walked down the steps slowly and cautiously in the dark, silently praying I didn’t trip and
tumble. The last thing I needed was to fall down a flight of stairs and wake up the entire
house. The second floor was dark also but I could faintly hear the sound of water running
in one of the rooms. I continued down the stairs carefully, pausing when I got to the foyer.
The bottom floor was dark, except for a subtle glow coming from the kitchen. I walked
slowly toward it and heard the sound of stuff shifting, a cabinet closing. I walked past the
piano and looked up when I reached the doorway to the kitchen, stopping abruptly, my
eyes widening at the sight in front of me.
Someone was standing in the kitchen, pouring a glass of orange juice. I didn’t recognize
him but knew immediately it had to be Edward. The moment my eyes landed on him
something sparked inside of me, something baffling and unexpected. I was stunned and
frozen in place, unable to think or act.
The kitchen was dark but I could clearly see him in the glow of the refrigerator. He was tall
and lean, but his body was well formed. He didn’t have a shirt on and his back was turned
to me. I could see a fairly large tattoo on the center of his upper back, it was circular and
looked to be like a symbol of some sort with an animal and a hand and some clovers. The
word “Cullen” was written in it, which pretty much confirmed to me that the word was
indeed their last name. I could make out the well-defined muscles in his back and arms,
and his slightly broad shoulders. I could see the beginning of a tattoo on his upper left arm
but couldn’t make out what it was. His skin was pale and almost glowed in the lighting. His
hair was a bronze-tinted color and was an utter mess, sticking up in every direction
imaginable. He turned slightly, so his side was to me, and I could easily see his stomach
was toned. His green flannel pants were lying low on his hips, exposing his prominent
hipbones and the top of a pair of black boxers. I saw the side view of his face and his
features were sharp and angular. His messy hair fell forward, stray pieces falling slightly
into his eyes.
He was absolutely nothing like I expect. I expected him to be harsh looking, intimidating.
The person standing in front of me was mesmerizing. I’d never been attracted to someone
before, never thought I would be, but the boy standing in front of me sparked a small part
of me I didn’t know existed. The part that was still, after everything, an average 16-year old
girl who knew gorgeous when she saw it.
It was utterly ridiculous and stupid, and I tried to push it away as fast as it came. He was a
spoiled rich kid and I was his slave, brought in to take care of the chores for him. It was
ridiculous to crush on him or be attracted to him, nothing could or would ever come of it. I
felt dirty just looking at him, feeling those butterflies at the sight of him. The feelings I had
were disgusting, repulsive.
I exhaled sharply, my chest hurting. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath. Edward
heard it and jumped, startled. His head snapped in my direction, his eyes wide with
surprise. He accidentally dropped his drink, the glass hitting the floor and orange juice
flying everywhere.
“Fuck!” he yelled, jumping backwards but unable to miss the spray of orange juice that
splashed his pants. My eyes widened in shock as he froze in spot, staring down at his now
soaked pants legs with disbelief. His gaze lifted slowly up to me and he cocked an eyebrow,
his face shifting through numerous different emotions. Disbelief. Shock. Confusion.
I had been frozen in spot, gaping at him, but the moment his face clouded with anger my
system was shocked back into rhythm. I sprinted forward, grabbing the roll of paper
towels. I practically threw myself at his feet at the same time he grabbed a towel from the
counter and bent down to wipe himself off. We collided, our heads smacking into each
other with enough force to knock him backwards. “Shit!” he yelled.
An intense sharp pain shot through my head, my eyes immediately welling up with tears as
I winced. I clutched my forehead and glanced up to see Edward sitting on his behind,
rubbing his forehead. His face was scrunched up and his eyes were narrowed at me. I
noticed a small bandage on the side of his forehead, near his left eye. My eyes widened in
shock as I realized I’d smacked into him where he’d already been injured.
“Must you fucking sneak up on people? Christ, you’re worse than a goddamn cat! Do I need
to buy you a bell?!” he spat, still rubbing his head. Fear shot through me, and my hands
started shaking.
“I am so sorry sir,” I said, my voice trembling. I let go of my head and reached forward,
grabbing the towel he had dropped and started cleaning up the orange juice from the floor.
My vision was blurred with tears and I silent cursed myself as I felt one slip down my
cheek. This was bad, very bad. My first morning here and I already injured someone and
made a mess.
I yelped with shock and fright when his hand grabbed a hold of my wrist tightly, stilling my
movements. It was like a jolt of electricity shot through me and I gasped. I glanced up at
him wide-eyed, my body trembling with fear. His eyes were narrowed and his gaze was
intense as he studied my face.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, his voice low. I hesitated a moment, unsure of what to
say. I had no idea what he wanted to hear but I had to do something, say something, to try
to fix this.
“It was an accident sir, I assure you nothing like it will ever happen again. Please don’t
punish me,” I said softly, the tone of my voice pleading for him to understand. He cocked at
eyebrow at me and didn’t let go of my wrists, just stared at me. It was unnerving and I
looked away, glaring at the ground, trying to prepare myself for whatever was to come next.
“Why the hell would I punish you?” he asked after a moment, his voice laced with
confusion. I glanced up, surprised by his tone, and saw that his expression was also one of
bewilderment.
“Uh, well, I…” I stammered. I tried to get my thoughts in order but the intensity of his stare
had me flustered, embarrassed. I opened my mouth to speak again when the overhead light
flicked on suddenly, causing both of us to wince and close our eyes.
“Damnit, Edward, let the girl go,” Dr. Cullen’s voice said, startling me. My head shot up
and I opened my eyes to see him standing over us, a scowl on his face. Edward glared up at
his father and then glanced at me, his eyes eventually falling to my wrist that he was still
clutching tightly. He let go immediately, pulling his hand away and standing up.
“Sorry,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.
“What happened?” Dr. Cullen asked sharply, motioning toward the mess on the floor.
“It won’t happen again, sir, I’m sorry,” I said, as Edward simultaneously muttered, “I
spilled it, she scared me.”
I glanced up at him with confusion and Dr. Cullen groaned. “Go get ready for school,
Edward,” he said.
“But…” Edward started, but Dr. Cullen’s hand shot up quickly to silence him. The
movement startled me and I flinched, which earned me looks from the both of them.
“Non me ne frega un cazzo,”* Dr. Cullen said, the words spoken with an accent in a
language I’d never heard before. He shook his head with frustration. “Just go, I don’t have
time for you this morning.”
“Fine, what the fuck ever,” he said angrily, shooting me a quickly glance as he brushed past
me storming out the door.
I started cleaning the spilled juice up again and Dr. Cullen sighed. He squatted down and
grabbed the roll of paper towels, pulling a few off and laying them on part of the spill to
soak it up. His cologne filtered to my nose as he neared me, the scent an intoxicating
mixture of woods and musk and fruit that had a calming effect about it. He smelled nothing
like Charles, who usually smelled nauseatingly like a mixture of sweat and pine trees.
“What did I tell you, dolore nel culo,” he said. I glanced at him and saw a light smile on his
lips as he shook his head. He saw my questioning look and laughed. “It’s Italian, means
pain in the ass.”
“Do you all speak Italian sir?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes, we’re all fluent. It was the language of choice for the most part in
Chicago. My organization is Italian and we have some Italian heritage. We don’t speak it
often anymore so don’t worry. Usually it only comes spilling out when one of us is
frustrated. Edward’s probably the exception though, as he’s quite fond of some of the more
colorful Italian words.” He rolled his eyes but I could see the twinkle in them as he spoke of
Edward. It was evident he was fond of his son, regardless of whether or not he was
troublesome. “Speaking of Edward, he’s not usually so hostile, he’s just a bit pissed off at
me right now.”
I nodded, unsure of why he was telling me so much and surprised he seemed to be making
excuses for his son’s behavior. No one had ever tried to explain their behavior to me;
masters were allowed to act how they wanted toward us, regardless of why.
“I can get this sir,” I said suddenly, afraid he’d get some of the juice on his suit. It was quite
fancy and I could tell it must’ve cost a fortune.
“I know you can Isabella,” he said firmly, but didn’t get up. He grabbed some more paper
towels and started wiping at the floor. “Why are you up so early anyway? I figured you’d
sleep half the day at least to recover from yesterday’s excitement.”
“I didn’t know what time I was supposed to get up every day,” I said, slightly confused. “So
I just got up the usual time Master Charles always made us get up.”
Dr. Cullen sighed, standing up and throwing the paper towels in the trashcan. “You get up
whenever you get up. I won’t blame you if you sleep in occasionally as long as you do what
you’re supposed to do. The boys leave for school around 7:30, if they need anything from
you and you’re still asleep, they’ll wake you.”
“Okay,” I said softly. I stood up and glanced around, holding the juice-soaked towel. Dr.
Cullen smiled.
“There’s a hamper in the laundry room for you to throw that in. Make sure you mop this
floor after the boys leave for school and make sure the rest of the house is in order.
There isn’t much food in the house but help yourself to whatever. I’ll bring something
home for dinner tonight so you don’t have to worry about cooking until tomorrow. Today
you really should just acquaint yourself with the house and get comfortable, okay?”
I smiled and nodded. “Yes, sir.”
I walked out of the kitchen and into the laundry room, tossing the towel into a wicker
hamper sitting in the corner. I walked back out and saw Emmett and Jasper start coming
down the stairs. I turned from them to walk back in the kitchen and heard some racket. I
turned back around and saw Edward flying down the steps, grabbing a hold of Emmett and
jumping on his back. Emmett tried to wrestle him away, shouting, but Edward just laughed
and clung to him. I stopped abruptly, the sound of Edward’s laugh causing a smile to
involuntarily curve my mouth. It was so light and carefree, melodic. They were all laughing
now—it was such a happy sight, one I’d never seen before.
They reached the bottom of the steps and Edward let go of Emmett, jumping away as
Emmett tried to punch him. Edward chuckled and ran his hand through his damp hair,
which was still sticking up every which way but it was clear he’d just washed it, as it was a
shade darker from the wetness, almost brown. He glanced up in my direction, his piercing
green eyes meeting mine. A lop-sided grin overcame his face as he eyed me. I felt the blood
rush to my cheeks as I blushed deeply, looking away instantly. My heart started racing and
I felt tingling shoot through me as he walked past me, his arm brushing up against me. He
hesitated briefly, his steps faltering as our skin connected. I glanced up at him and saw he
was looking at me with surprise. His expression faded nearly instantly though and he
walked down the hallway toward the living area. I heard a TV come on quickly.
“Ah, good you’re up,” Dr. Cullen said. I turned and took a few steps into the kitchen,
pausing in the doorway. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, if I were even supposed to
be here or if it was considered eavesdropping. “Do you think Alice or Rosalie would be
willing to stop by a store for me after school today and grab a few things for Isabella? I’d do
it myself after work but I don’t know anything about what girls wear and would feel a bit
perverted buying underwear and bras for a teenage girl.”
The boys laughed but I just ducked my head, slightly embarrassed.
“You know Alice won’t pass up a chance to shop, especially on someone else’s dime,” Jasper
said, laughing. I glanced up and saw Dr. Cullen nodding.
“Go ahead and give her your amex, tell her to drop the stuff off as soon as she can. Isabella,
what size pants do you wear?”
I hesitated, trying to remember. “Four’s, sir,” I said, fairly confidant that was right.
“Shoes?” he asked.
I just stared at him, not entirely sure as the only shoes I’d worn in years is the flip flops I
just got the day before. I shrugged slowly, eyeing him cautiously.
“It’s okay. Tell Alice to get pants in fours and tops in small. I’ll guess around an 8 in shoes,
if it’s wrong and they don’t fit we’ll return them. And please tell her to be practical, because
I imagine Isabella won’t be too content wandering around the house in miniskirts and
halter tops.” My eyes widened in surprise, fear at even the thought of that running through
me.
Emmett laughed. “I dunno dad, mini skirts might be nice,” he said as he glanced at me,
winking. I blushed and my gaze fell to the floor immediately. He was being playful, I knew
that, but it was slightly uncomfortable. I wasn’t used to such attention. They all laughed but
Dr. Cullen thankfully didn’t let the subject linger.
“Behave boy, or I’ll tell Rosalie,” Dr. Cullen said. Jasper laughed and pushed his brother
playfully. “Anyway, I need one of you to take Isabella to the grocery store after school also,
she’ll do the cooking so she does the shopping.”
My head shot up and I looked at Dr. Cullen with shock. He wanted me to go grocery
shopping?! I’d never been in a store in my life.
“I’ll do it,” a voice said behind me. I jumped, startled, and swung around to see Edward
standing there. He was grinning; his eyebrow’s raised as he looked at his father.
Dr. Cullen sighed. “You don’t have practice today?” he asked. Edward walked by me into
the kitchen, opening a cabinet and pulling out a bowl.
“Nope, we have Wednesdays off,” he said with a shrug. “The guys are doing weight training
after school but I had no plans of joining them anyway.”
“Alright, get her after school,” Dr. Cullen said to Edward. Edward nodded, shooting me a
quick glance. He had a mischievous smirk on his face that sent a shiver down my spine.
I wasn’t sure what to think of Edward Cullen, but one thing was for sure. He was definitely
going to complicate my life.
*****
non me ne frega un cazzo = I don't give a damn.
Chapter 6 The Trouble with Trouble
Temper gets you in trouble. Pride keeps you there. -- Unknown
“Fuck you, you pathetic son of a bitch!!” I screamed, kicking my legs frantically, trying to
break away from the arms wrapped around me. I felt the warm trickle streaming down the
side of my face, a slight throb coming from my eyebrow area. I was going to murder that
prick.
Someone grabbed a hold of him, lugging him off the ground. He shook them off and spit
onto the grass, blood running down from the side of his mouth. I busted his mouth good,
he’s lucky I didn’t knock his fucking teeth out.
“You’re such an asshole,” he spat. I thrust myself forward; trying to get to him but they
were holding me back with too much force.
“ENOUGH!” Couch Clapp bellowed, coming in between us. “Everyone on the ground, on
your backs now!”
A chorus of groans rung out, numerous dirty looks being shot in my direction. Someone
shoved me roughly and I swung around quickly, shoving them back. I didn’t start the shit,
they didn’t need to be blaming me.
“I said on the ground, Cullen!” Coach Clapp yelled.
I rolled my eyes, frustrated, and laid back on the ground. He blew his whistle and we raised
our legs a few inches in the air, holding the position. I’d take hundreds of push-ups and
running miles over these ridiculous leg raises any day—this shit hurt.
“10 minutes--hold it!” Everyone groaned again, a few loud curses ringing out. “You guys
can thank Cullen and Newton for it.”
One of these days I was going to seriously beat the shit out of Mike Newton. He was such a
cocky prick; someone needed to deflate that ego of his. I’ve been back in Forks for two
weeks now and I’ve done everything I could to stay out of trouble, but it seems like there’s
some conspiracy out there to fuck with my life.
Last year I spent the first semester at Forks High School. I was only a sophomore but
gained recognition by making the varsity football team as starting Quarterback. I was
always popular, considering I’m rich and good looking, and the Cullen name alone tends to
bring a certain amount of respect in even a town this small. But it seems like since making
varsity quarterback it’s tripled. The girls are all over me and because of that pussies like
Mike Newton envy me.
It went to my head a bit last year--I can’t deny that. I got myself into a situation that damn
near landed me in a juvenile detention center. I got lucky and Dad pulled some strings to
get me out of it. He wasn’t exactly forgiving though, considering his reputation had taken a
hit with some of his patients, and shipped me off to a private boarding school across the
country for the rest of the school year. An all-male boarding school, I should add. That shit
was torture, didn’t get a single piece of ass the entire time I was there. He even paid for me
to stay there the whole summer. Man, did that piss me off. My brothers got to go to Hawaii
and lounge on the beach with a bunch of bikini-clad bitches and I’m stuck in a small ass
dorm room with some virginal geek who wacked off to fucking comic book characters. The
moment I got on that plane back to Forks I swore I was going to keep myself straight and
not let shit get to my head.
But it’s a lot harder said than done. Because the girls are all over me still and the little shits
like Newton are still jealous and trying to goad me. And I don’t take well to disrespect.
“Alright, girls,” Coach Clapp said, blowing his whistle to signal 10 minutes was up. There
was a collective sigh and thump as we all dropped our legs. We climbed to our feet and I
stretched my back, as it was hurting from lying on the hard ground.
“Newton, Cullen, suicides. On the line now. The rest of you can go.”
I cursed, irritated. My legs were already sore as we’d been out here for hours. It was a
Tuesday and we didn’t have school today because of some teacher workshop bullshit, but
Coach Clapp insisted on practice bright and early this morning anyway.
I glared at Newton as I walked to the line. He’d been taunting me the past few days, pissed
off because he was trying to get with Jessica Stanley and she wasn’t paying him a bit of
attention because she was hung up on my dick. I didn’t care for the girl, in fact she was
entirely too sleazy for my tastes, but she was constantly offering herself up to me,
practically begging to blow me, and what teenage guy wouldn’t jump on that? She wasn’t
that great of a lay honestly, the head was mediocre at best, but I’m not exactly going to be
picky. A nut is a nut.
Coach Clapp blew his whistle and we started running suicides. Newton was the kicker and
slow as shit so I blew him out of the water. His legs gave out on the middle of a run and he
fell to the ground. Coach Clapp blew his whistle, exasperated, and I stopped abruptly. I felt
the bile rising up immediately and tried to hold it back but it was fruitless. I bent over and
tried to take deep breaths but ended up vomiting.
“I don’t want to ever see you two fighting on my football field again, you hear me? Hug and
make up and get over this crap,” Coach Clapp said. I looked at him incredulously but he
looked to be serious.
I groaned and walked over to Newton, giving him a half-assed one-armed hug that turned
into a punch to the back, nearly knocking the wind out of him. “Frocio,” I said coldly,
pushing off of him and making him stumble. He shot me a mean look, narrowing his eyes,
but I just chuckled. I’d been calling him that shit for years and he’d yet to figure out I was
calling him gay.
“Both of you go to the hospital and get those pretty faces of yours look at, you’re both going
to need stitches,” Coach Clapp said.
I nodded and headed out to the parking lot, hopping into my Volvo. I loved my car, had
finally talked dad into buying it for me when I got back. It was a C70 hardtop convertible. I
drove over to the hospital and got rushed through, bypassing having to wait since my dad
was practically the only person to keep this shitty hospital afloat. I got a few stitches on my
forehead but it wasn’t too bad, I’ve had worse. I was walking out of the hospital and passed
Newton, who was just now being seen, and he deliberately bumped into me. I turned
around and shoved him, sending him stumbling. Security came, hearing the altercation,
but stopped abruptly when they realized it was me.
I barely even made it out to the parking lot before my cell phone was ringing with my dad
calling. I groaned and silenced it, not in the mood to try to explain. I knew someone from
the hospital would call him to fucking gossip.
I drove home and made a sandwich, heading up to my bedroom. I turned on some TV and
ate, just enjoying being able to sit down and rest my legs. My phone rang again and I
picked it up, seeing it was Jessica Stanley. I hesitated with my finger over the button,
contemplating answering to see if I could talk her into driving out here and sucking me off,
but decided to ignore it. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her babbling, talking to me like I
gave a shit about her life. I wasn’t her boyfriend, I couldn’t care less about chatting or
hearing the ridiculous gossip the bitches at Forks High spread.
I called my voice mail and listened to dad’s message. I glanced at the clock when I heard
him threaten to take the Volvo back if I didn’t return his call in 20 minutes and groaned. It
had nearly been a half hour.
I called him back right away, trying to be all nice and shit and kept my composure until he
threatened to pull me out of Forks and send me back to the boarding school.
I was pacing around the room frantically, trying to explain to dad how that was a ridiculous
notion, when the faint female voice filtered through. It was sweet and sounded so young
and innocent but seductive at the same time. I asked if that was the female he’d gone to
pick up and he said it was but abruptly ended the conversation, not wanting to discuss it
then.
I wasn’t stupid or naïve. My brothers and I are well aware of our father’s lifestyle;
we’ve known about it our entire life. They never kept it from us or lied about it but at the
same time they didn’t exactly glorify it either. He always tried not to involve us but it was
inevitable sometimes, as we knew we lived differently. It doesn’t matter how much you try
to guard your family from the violence, being in the mob has a way of placing everyone you
know in danger.
I knew he had his hands in the drug trade and the sale of illegal weapons. I knew he had
blood on his hands--that he’d helped arrange assassinations and kidnappings and even
carried some out himself. He’d been involved in extortion and money laundering, had
offshore accounts overloaded with money to avoid paying taxes. I don’t know if there’s a
single law my father hasn’t broken. He was a cheat and a thief and a murderer, there was
no way to sugar coat that. People respected him and feared him, not only because of the
last name but because of the way he carried himself. He was calm and collect--the silent
but deadly type.
And I knew exactly why he’d gone to Phoenix. I knew about the slave trade that still existed
in America. It wasn’t the first time my father had paid money for ownership over another
human being. We’d had two since we moved to Washington when I was 8. The first one was
an older lady with gray hair we called Nona, he brought her in to take care of the house and
help us out since we were still so young. She lasted damn near a decade with us, passed
away of a heart attack a few months ago. She was a nice lady, never had any complaints
about her. She was quite grandmotherly. We grew fond of her and I liked to think the
feeling was mutual, despite the fact that she lacked free will. People tended to resent you
when you took their freedoms away, but she didn’t seem too put off about it. Dad had her
body cremated and we scattered her ashes out by the river, as she used to love going out
there. After Nona died he went and brought a woman named Janet in. Janet was in her
early 40s, a petite woman with blonde curly hair. I hated her from the day I met her, she
always gave me snide looks that made me want to beat the shit out of her. I’d never touch
her, of course… my mom raised me better than that. But it didn’t mean I didn’t desperately
wish I could. She didn’t last very long, despite the fact that I suspect dad was getting his
rocks off with her. He eventually caught her in rooms she shouldn’t be in, touching things
she shouldn’t have been touching. He was a laid back person, didn’t have many rules, but
the ones he did you had to follow. He didn’t have a high tolerance for blatant disregard of
his orders. If Carlisle Cullen told you to jump, you better fucking jump.
My brother Emmett and I accepted our dads life, embraced it almost. We knew our place.
Emmett had no desire to join it himself, but he didn’t frown upon it. I, myself, had a feeling
I was heading that way. I knew the members of the organization in Chicago looked at me
like I was a mafia prince, a potential up-and-comer. They said I had the disposition for it,
whatever that meant, and hoped I’d find my way there when I got a bit older. I accepted
that as a possibility, almost took pride in it. Jasper, on the other hand, wasn’t as happy
about it all. He avoided most conversations about that aspect of the Cullen life. Hated the
guns and drugs we were exposed to, hated the violence. Emmett and I had tough skin but
Jasper was sensitive. Out of all of us, he’s the most like mom. I look exactly like her, but
Jasper has her soul. Mom knew dad’s life and overlooked it because she loved him so
much. But she, too, was sensitive. She never condoned slavery or servitude, just as
Jasper doesn’t. He’s completely disgusted by it. It’s shitty, I agree, but I could see the logic
in it. If you want loyalty and silence, sometimes you have to buy it.
And I knew Jasper was going to be more upset than ever now, because that sweet innocent
voice on the phone belonged to a girl, not a woman. Dad never said anything so we just
automatically assumed he’d bring home some older lady like previously, but it was clear
he wasn’t. She was young.
I spent the day locked in my room, not in the mood to socialize knowing that I was going to
get my ass railed on when dad got home. I took a nap and fiddled around with my guitar. I
eventually did call Jessica Stanley and listened to her bullshit for a few minutes but hung
up when she said she didn’t have a ride to my place. There was no way I was going to go
pick her up.
Eventually dad got home. I don’t know if he was too damn lazy to walk up the stairs to my
room or if he thought maybe I had company but he called my cell phone and told me to get
down to his office. He railed on me, just as I suspected he would, and threatened sending
me off to school and taking my car again. He didn’t really give a shit about me busting
Newton in the mouth but he wasn’t too happy about me acting up in his place of work. He
grounded me for the upcoming weekend, which really pissed me off since we had a home
game on Friday night and that meant one hell of an after party. I had been thoroughly
looking forward to some shots of Patron, a few hits from the bong, and a nice hard fucking.
I spent the rest of the night in my room. I couldn’t sleep because I was so pissed off and
eventually gave up and hauled my ass downstairs. I was standing in the kitchen, pouring
some orange juice, when a noise startled me. It was like someone gasping for air, and the
house was so quiet it damn near echoed through the place. I turned in the direction of the
noise and was completely stunned by the sight in front of me that I dropped my fucking
drink.
I was shocked and confused at first before the anger set in. I was standing in front of a girl,
soaked with fucking orange juice, and all I could do was gape at her. Could I be any more
fucking stupid?
I could barely make her out across the room because it was so dark, but her eyes were clear
as day. They were wide and expressive; she looked like a deer caught in some headlights. I
finally snapped out of it and made a move to clean up the orange juice but evidently the girl
was trained to do that shit, because she practically bumrushed me to clean it up herself. I
head butted her and winced, as it hurt like hell. And in true Edward Cullen fashion, my
natural response to the pain is to lash out.
Evidently I scared her because she refused to make eye contact with me and she was
trembling. I reached out and grabbed her wrist to stop her from fucking cleaning up, as she
was being ridiculous and sketchy and I didn’t like it. It felt like she shocked me when I
grabbed her, like a small jolt of static electricity coursed through me. She finally looked up
at me and when her eyes met mine I was completely stunned.
Her cheeks were red and chapped from the sun, a big ass bruise on the side of her face that
looked like it came from someone’s hand. Her eyes were full of fear, a tear running down
her cheek. She was troubled and frightened, that much was clear. She’d had it rough. And
she was young, oh so fucking young. She couldn’t have been any older than me, as her face
was still rounded slightly from youth. There was still that innocence in her face, despite the
abuse and wariness that was evident.
But that wasn’t the most stunning part. What nearly took my breath away was that
underneath it all she was beautiful. I’ve had my fair share of hot girls, sexy and erotic in
their tight ass clothes. And the girl in front of me wasn’t like them at all. She didn’t look like
a runway model, didn’t ooze sex appeal. She was just… beautiful.
I asked her what her problem was, and it was a stupid fucking question because I was
obviously part of it. But I just wanted to know her story, how the hell someone like her
could end up in the situation she was in.
And then she practically begged me not to punish her. She looked at me, fucking afraid that
I was going to beat her because of my mistake. I looked at her incredulously, wondering
what in the hell this girl had experienced to be so afraid of me. She couldn’t even keep eye
contact with me for Christ sakes.
Of course, as if the situation isn’t messed up enough, dad walks in on us, sitting on the floor
in a puddle of orange juice with me physically restraining the girl. I honestly hadn’t even
realized I still had a hold of her. He got all snippy with me, cursing at me in Italian. He told
me to leave, obviously still not happy with me.
I went upstairs and stripped out of my clothes, hopping in the shower. I washed the
stickiness off my legs from where the juice soaked through and washed my hair, not
bothering with much else. My dick was hard and I wrapped my hand around it, stroking a
few times, but couldn’t seem to get into it. I kept thinking about the fucking girl downstairs
and how she was left to clean up my mess and how wrong that was, which was completely
ridiculous because that’s the whole reason she was here.
I gave up on getting off, resigned to the fact that I’d probably have to grab one of the girls at
school and sneak off to get it taken care of. I shut the water off and climbed out, drying off.
I grabbed a pair of silk boxers and some faded jeans and slipped them on. I threw on a
white t-shirt and grabbed one of my long sleeved button up shirts, pulling it on and rolling
the sleeves up.
I didn’t bother with my hair because it was useless—the shit had a mind of it’s own. I ran
my hands through it a few times but that was the extent of it. The girls seemed to love it
though, so what the hell.
I headed down the stairs and spotted my brothers. I didn’t see those fuckers at all
yesterday. We all used to be really close, but when I went away to boarding school things
seemed to shift. They got steady girlfriends and settled down, and I came back pretty much
the same person I left as. I like Alice and Rose, I’ve known them both since we moved here
in elementary school and they’re cool girls, but I’m not exactly used to my brothers being so
attached. I left and we were friends, all of us just chilling out together, and I came back to
being the fucking fifth wheel. It’s cool though, I’m happy for them all, but that doesn’t
mean I want to be around that shit constantly. I’m not one for all that lovey-dovey cuddling
bullshit. I’ve not looking to drown in love, am perfectly content swimming in lust.
I flew down the steps quickly and leapt up onto Emmett’s back—I owed that shithead from
body slamming me a few days ago. I almost knocked him down the steps as he wasn’t
braced for me and he tried to throw me off. I jumped off when we hit the bottom and he
tried to punch me but I evaded him, laughing. I turned to say something to him, to taunt
him a bit because Emmett’s fun when you get him going, and my eyes fell upon the girl.
She was watching us and smiling. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her, the look of
pure wonder on her face. She blushed when I smiled and dropped her eyes immediately,
unable to keep eye contact again. I was seriously going to have to change that, as that
shit wasn’t going to fly around here.
I walked past her, my arm brushing up against hers. The hairs on my arm bristled as
tingling shot through me. It startled me a bit and I hesitated, confused. It was odd, the
same feeling that shot through me when I grabbed her wrist. I was like nothing I’d ever felt
before, like her skin held an electric current that entered my system whenever I came in
contact with her. She glanced up at me, a look of confusion on her face and I felt like a
fucking idiot just standing there staring at her so I turned and headed for the TV.
I turned on the weather channel, which was pointless considering it’s a rare day when it
doesn’t rain at some point, but I couldn’t focus on the TV. I headed back toward the kitchen
and heard them laughing, Dad threatening to tell Rose something. I paused behind the girl,
as she was standing right in the doorway and staring at the ground. I heard Dad say
something about taking Isabella to the grocery store and I didn’t even give it a second
thought, the words came out of my mouth before they even truly registered with my brain.
“I’ll do it,” I said.
She swung around, startled, and glanced at me. I walked past her and grabbed a bowl to get
some cereal. I assured dad that I didn’t have practice, thank fucking God considering my
legs were still sore, and he agreed. I was slightly surprised, considering I was technically
grounded and I wasn’t exactly his most favorite person right now.
I glanced at her and noticed she had a look of shock on her face. Her name was echoing
through my mind: It was the first time I’d heard it, never even thought before as to what
the hell her name was. But it was fitting. Isabella. Bella. Beautiful.
And that she was. I had no idea what it was about this girl that had me so captivated, but
she was definitely going to fucking complicate my life.
Chapter 7 Predictable
Human identity is the most fragile thing that we have, and it's often only found
in moments of truth. -- Alan Rudolph
I was slouched down on the couch with my feet kicked up on the coffee table, munching on
a bowl of Lucky Charms. I only really liked the marshmallows, as I found the brown pieces
to be entirely too bland, but it was the only thing we had in the house to eat for breakfast
and I was starving. I knew Emmett was silently cursing me, I could see the glares he was
casting me from across the room, since I used up the last of the milk and he had to eat his
cereal dry. You snooze you lose, fucker. I beat him to it.
Jasper walked in the room and plopped down on the couch beside me, shifting my cushion
and nearly spilling my cereal. I glared at him and cocked an eyebrow but he just shrugged
me off. Emmett huffed and got up, storming out of the room and into the kitchen. I heard
the cabinet door slam as he threw his Lucky Charms away, giving up on it, and the racket as
he threw his bowl in the sink. I chuckled, taking another bite of my cereal.
“She’s too young,” Jasper said quietly after a moment. I didn’t look at him, didn’t need to
ask who he was talking about because I already knew. I knew Isabella’s age was really going
to bother Jasper and I hated to admit it, even to myself, but it was slightly bothersome to
me also.
“How old is she, anyway,” I asked nonchalantly, knowing if anyone knew it would be him.
Jasper frowned.
“He bought her the day she turned sixteen,” he said, his voice full of discontent. I sighed,
nodding. I knew she was younger than me.
Emmett came back in the room with a sandwich and we laughed at him. I finished eating
and took my bowl back to the kitchen, sitting it in the sink, and glanced at my watch.
I headed for the stairs and walked up them quickly. I threw open my bedroom door and
glanced around, looking for my book bag. My room was a fucking mess and in dire need of
cleaning but I haven’t had the energy to do. I finally located it in the corner and grabbed my
books off my desk. I gave one last glance around, making sure I had everything, and started
for the door.
The door across the hall opened unexpectedly and Isabella stepped out. Her eyes widened
as she glanced at me, an expression of shock on her face. Her eyes scanned around me,
obviously taking in the small glimpses of my bedroom that she could see. I almost felt
embarrassed but I pushed that shit aside quickly.
“I know, it’s a fucking mess,” I said, chuckling. She blushed and averted her eyes away,
looking down at the floor again.
“Sorry, sir,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to look.”
I groaned. “You don’t have to apologize. The door was open, it would be sort of impossible
not to look.”
She glanced up and smiled lightly, nodding once. I stared into her eyes for a moment and
she surprised me when she didn’t drop her gaze. It was oddly intense and a tad bit
uncomfortable, neither of us speaking or moving, but I couldn’t seem to look away.
My phone rang suddenly, startling me. I jumped and cursed, reaching into my pocket and
pulling it out. I glanced at the screen and groaned. I looked up and my brow furrowed when
I noticed Isabella was gone.
I turned back to the phone and answered it hesitantly. “What do you want Jessica?” I asked
with a sigh. I slung my book bag over my shoulder and shut my bedroom door, heading for
the stairs.
“Good morning to you, too, Edward,” she said.
“Yeah, good morning,” I mumbled. “What do you want?”
She sighed exaggeratedly and I rolled my eyes. “Can you give me a ride to school?” she
asked, her voice slightly whiney. I cringed.
“Sorry babe, no can do,” I said quickly. “I gotta go, I’ll see you later.”
I hung up and slipped the phone back in my pocket, knowing she would be pissed but
frankly not giving a shit. She knew better than to call me for a ride, did I look like a taxi
service?
I hit the bottom of the stairs and paused. I took a few steps toward the living area and saw
my brothers still sitting on the couch. “You fuckers want a ride?” I asked.
Jasper glanced at me and then looked at his watch. His eyes went wide. “Crap, when did it
get so late?”
I shrugged. They both stood up and we headed toward the door. They bickered over who
got to ride shotgun, Jasper finally conceding when Emmett put him in a headlock. I
climbed in the driver’s seat and started the car up while my brothers got in.
I plugged my IPod in the dock and classical music started up right away. Emmett groaned,
reaching for the stereo.
“Must you always listen to this pussy shit?” he asked in frustration. I reached out and
smacked his hand, hard, and he shot me a dirty look but proceeded to change the song
anyway. He settled on some hip-hop, a Lil Kim song.
“Mozart was a fucking genius,” I said. Emmett rolled his eyes.
“Yeah well so is Lil’ Kim,” he muttered. Jasper and I both laughed.
I had to stop for gas on the way to school and made Jasper get out and pump it, because I
hated pumping gas. I pulled into my usual spot the parking lot at school and opened my
door, while a car swung into the spot beside me suddenly, nearly clipping my door. I
jumped out with irritation and saw that it was Lauren Mallory’s hideous little Honda. It
was black and would be a decent car if she hadn’t plastered pink glittery decals all over the
windows and hung those Mardi Gras beads and a hot pink lei from the rear view mirror.
That bitch had never been to Hawaii and sure as shit never went to Mardi Gras, so it was
completely ridiculous. I guess she thought they were cool or whatever, but it just made her
look like a faker to me. I noticed Jessica was in the passenger seat and groaned.
“Hey Edward,” Lauren said all flirtatious-like when she climbed out, making a point to lick
her lips as she spoke. Lauren had always been just as loose as Jessica but at least she
understood her place and didn’t try to sugar coat what it is we had. She knew it was just
sex. We’d only been together a few times before and hadn’t had much interaction since I
got back. She, too, had apparently decided to try her hand at being faithful and committed
to one person.
“Lauren,” I said in greeting, smirking. Jessica hopped out of the passenger seat and smiled
at me.
“You look good today,” Jessica said.
“Don’t I look good every day?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. She giggled and nodded.
Tyler Crowley walked up and wrapped his arm around Lauren’s waist, nodding at me in
acknowledgement. I nodded back. He was a nice guy, maybe a little too much into Lauren
but I couldn’t fault him, she was a decent lay after all. I was surprised when I found out
they were dating, as I clearly remembered the days of football last year, sitting in the locker
room and him laughing as a bunch of us shared tales of escapades in the sack with Lauren.
I took a few steps forward, closing the distance between Jessica and I. “You know what
would look really good this morning?” I asked softly, turning on the charm.
“What?” she asked, all breathy-like, already hot and bothered.
“Bocchino,” I said, brushing my finger across her lips. She always melted when I spoke
Italian to her, not giving a shit what I was saying. Just asking for a fucking blowjob like I
just did sounded romantic to her. “That mouth on me.” She parted her lips and brought my
pointer finger into her mouth, sucking on it. I groaned and went to speak, but was cut off
abruptly but a loud smack and a sharp pain shooting through the back of my head. I pulled
my hand away from Jessica and clutched the back of my head, swinging around.
“What the fuck?!” I yelled.
“You’re such a whore,” Rosalie’s cold voice said, her eyes narrowed at me. I smiled lightly,
still rubbing the back of my head. I should’ve known it was her, Rosalie was the only one
with the balls to do such a thing.
“Morning, Rose,” I said. Emmett walked up laughing, draping his arm around Rose’s
shoulder. Jasper and Alice came up behind them, smiling and holding hands.
‘Why are you still here?” Rose asked while raising an eyebrow, her voice sharp and bitter.
She was gazing over my shoulder, where Jessica still stood.
“I’ll see you later, Edward,” Jessica muttered, walking away. I rolled my eyes at Rose
but couldn’t help but smirk. It was quite amusing how afraid of Rosalie Hale all the girls
were. Alice was the only female friend she had, as Alice was the only one with enough guts
to ever stand up to her.
“You just scared away my morning head,” I said, leaning in the car and grabbing my book
bag. I locked and shut the door and turned back to them.
“There are plenty of other females around here who are more than willing, I don’t know
why you’re constantly messing around with Stanley. She’s nasty.”
I shrugged. “She’s the easiest to coax into a janitor’s closet.”
My brothers laughed, but Rose didn’t find it as humorous. “I swear, you’re never going to
get a decent girl with that attitude,” she said, shaking her head.
Before I had a chance to speak up and reiterate the fact that I had no desire to settle down
with anyone, Alice chimed in. “We should leave Edward alone. If he wants to waste his time
on someone like Jessica Stanley, than that’s his business.”
I looked at her, slightly surprised, as she was usually the first to bring up my lack of
commitment. She smiled lightly, shrugging at my questioning look. I returned her smile,
not understanding the sudden shift in her attitude but appreciating it, none-the-less.
“Whatever,” Rose grumbled, annoyed.
“Dad got back last night,” Emmett said suddenly, shooting me a quick glance as he tried to
divert the attention off of me. I appreciated it. It seemed like an everyday thing now, one of
them getting on me about my so-called promiscuity. So what if I enjoyed getting off?
“Really?” Rose asked nonchalantly, not even pretending to care.
“Yeah, that reminds me,” Jasper said. “Alice what are you doing after school?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, why?”
“Dad wants to know if you’ll go to the store and pick up some clothes and stuff for the new
girl he brought home,” Jasper said, already reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet.
He knew there’s no way she’d say no. We each had our own therapeutic devices, mine being
music. Shopping was Alice’s. It calmed her, helped her think, which never made any sense
to me as malls stressed me the fuck out. But whatever, that was Alice--quirky.
Alice’s eyes widened. “Of course!” she said enthusiastically, holding her hand out and
taking the credit card from him.
“So he got a new one?” Rose asked quietly. Rose and Alice were the only people outside of
the family that were clued in on the true nature of the people brought into our home.
Everyone else figured they were just live-in housekeepers or whatever that we hired, but
Rose and Alice knew they weren’t there voluntarily. They were like family to us anyway, we
trusted them.
We all nodded and she laughed. “He’s not going to start fucking this one too, is he?”
Emmett and I laughed—they also suspected Dad had something sexual going on with the
last lady. Jasper didn’t find it very funny, though.
“Considering she’s younger than us, I’d surely hope not,” he said dryly. We all shut up
instantly and Rose turned to gape at him.
“How old is she?” she asked incredulously.
Jasper laughed bitterly. “Barely sixteen.”
Alice was looking up at her boyfriend, frowning, obviously in tune to how he felt about that.
They were complete opposites in how they looked and acted, but at the same time they
were a lot alike in thought. Rose narrowed her eyes slightly, scowling.
“He brought a teenage girl in with a house full of teenage boys? How fucking stupid is he?”
she asked, obviously fuming.
I rolled my eyes and Emmett sighed. “Don’t be ridiculous, Rose, it’s not that big of a deal.”
She raised her eyebrows at him.
“Not a big deal? A teenage girl living in the same house as Mr. I’ll-Fuck-Whatever's-Most-
Convenient?” she said, motioning toward me. I groaned, shaking my head.
“Give me a fucking break, Rose. You’ve known me since elementary school; you should
know me better than that.”
The bell rang and Rose stormed off immediately. Emmett sighed, frowning. I shook my
head and gave him a sympathetic smile. Rose could be a handful. I had a feeling she was
actually upset about the idea of a young female living in the house with her boyfriend. Rose
was drop dead gorgeous and knew it, but she could be jealous as shit sometimes.
Emmett chased after her and I ran my fingers through my hair, turning to head into the
building. I heard Jasper whisper Isabella’s name to Alice and considered lingering around
to hear what he had to say, but decided against it. I wanted to get to first period and see if
maybe I could still talk Jessica into sneaking off with me.
But of course, that didn’t fly. I slid into the desk next to Jessica and leaned over, whispering
about skipping. But she just stared straight ahead, a ridiculous pout on her face, all pissed
off that I’d let Rose talk to her the way she did. As if I had any fucking control over Rosalie
Hale.
The first few class periods dragged by slowly. School always came easily to me, Wasn’t
exactly a whiz kid or anything but I’d been blessed with dad’s amazing memory. If I weren’t
such a slack ass when it came to homework and assignments I’d be at the top of the class. I
still had a decent GPA, around a 4.0, but with my AP classes it could be a lot higher.
Lunch rolled around and I moseyed into the cafeteria, plopping down in the small plastic
chair at our usual table in the corner. I’ve sat in the same chair everyday since I was a
freshman, no one else daring to sit in it. Most people around here feared us because of the
gossip and rumors that went around about my family’s ties to the Mob. Cullen’s have been
linked to organized crime since the days of Al Capone and prohibition and a lot of the kids
shrugged it off as coincidence, seeing how my dad came off as being just the hometown
doctor, but they didn’t fuck with us anyway just in case. There were still those select few,
like Mike Newton, who were too stupid to get it in their heads to watch themselves around
us. And that irked me to no end… If there was anything I hated, it was disrespect.
But that’s what got me into trouble last year, and I had no intention of letting it lead me
down that path again. I was doing my best to ignore the people like Newton, but it was a lot
easier said than done. I wanted nothing more than to walk across the cafeteria and yank
him out of his chair and beat him to a pulp in front of everyone, to show all of them that
you don’t cross me. No one had commented on the bandage on my head today from the
stitches and I was grateful for that, as if someone did it would likely set me off and I’d end
up going after revenge without even thinking.
Alice and Jasper walked in the cafeteria, holding hands as usual. Jasper leaned down and
kissed her softly and it was slightly awkward looking because of how tall he was compared
to her, but that was them and they didn’t give a shit. Jasper headed over to the lunch line to
grab some food for Alice, as he usually did, and Alice walked over toward the table where I
was sitting.
My brothers used to be spontaneous and rash, but apparently I missed a lot when I was
gone for those months because I came home to the most predictable fuckers on the planet.
I can guarantee Jasper will eat a slice of cheese pizza and Alice will have a salad and they’ll
share a fucking coke, because it’s exactly what they’ve done every day for two weeks. Rose
and Emmett aren’t much better… and they wonder why I have no plans on getting a
girlfriend. That shit has to be boring.
“Hey Edward,” Alice said, sitting down across from me and smiling.
“Hey short stuff, I almost didn’t see you there,” I said with a smirk. She narrowed her eyes
playfully and stuck out her tongue. I was always picking on the fact that she was vertically
challenged, as she barely stood 5 feet tall if even that.
“You see if I ever stand up for you again,” she mumbled. I laughed.
“Yeah I’m kinda surprised you did. I mean shit Alice, you’re usually worse than the rest of
them with wanting me to settle down.”
Alice smiled. “Yeah, I realized there’s no point in trying to talk to you about it, you’re too
hard headed. You’ll figure it out soon enough on your own,” she said.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t hold your breath, Alice,” I mumbled. Jasper walked up and sat the
tray in front of Alice. Cheese Pizza, Salad, and a fucking coke—what did I tell you?
“What shouldn’t she hold her breath for?” he asked, plopping down in the chair beside
Alice. Emmett and Rose walked up with their food, sitting down beside me.
“I told Edward he’d decide to settle down with a girl soon enough,” Alice said, taking a bite
of her salad. My brothers glanced at her and mumbled something under their breath.
“I pity the girl who’s stupid enough to actually date him,” Rose said, laughing. I turned and
glared at her.
“Why?” I asked defensively, as I surely wasn’t that bad. “I’m rich, I’ve got clout. I’m smart,
talented, I’ve got a sense of humor, and I’m fucking hot. Any bitch would be lucky to be
with me.”
They all rolled their eyes and Rose groaned. “That’s exactly why. You’re a spoiled conceited
prick.”
I laughed bitterly, rocking my chair back on its hind legs. “So says the vainest bitch alive.”
Rose narrowed her eyes at me and stood up quickly, her chair being pushed back roughly,
the metal legs scraping against the floor and causing us all to wince. She turned and
stormed out of the room, banging the door loudly and drawing the attention of everyone in
the cafeteria. Emmett glared at me and stood up, grabbing his and Rose’s tray and tossing
the food in the trash. He followed her out without saying a word.
What did I tell you—predictable. Rose throws a tantrum and storms off when someone says
or does something she doesn’t like, and Emmett follows her like a puppy.
Jasper sat quietly, gnawing on his pizza in silence. Alice sighed, dropping her fork.
“You shouldn’t doubt me. And just so you know, it doesn’t matter how good looking or
funny or talented you are, no girl with even an ounce of self-respect likes being called the
‘b’ word by a guy. So maybe if you toned that down, you’d get a decent girl to take an
interest in the charming parts of you. Because you can be charming Edward, and you are a
good catch, but you’re wasting it all on the hoochies around this place.”
She stood up and grabbed her salad, walking over and tossing it in the trash. Jasper got up
quickly. He shook his head sadly at me. “If mom could see you now,” he muttered, walking
away.
I sighed, running my hand through my hair. Dad always said my greatest talent was pissing
people off.
Chapter 8 Things Aren't Always What
They Seem
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not
sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” -- Robert McCloskey
The moment I heard the door click shut and the car outside start up, I breathed an audible
sigh of relief.
It had been a long morning already, and quite strange to say the least. After Edward had
offered to take me grocery shopping and Dr. Cullen was satisfied that things were settled
on that front, he got ready to leave for the hospital. On the way out he asked me to change
the sheets on his bed, as he apparently wanted them changed every Wednesday, and
informed me that the makeup he’d taken from Charles’s house was in his bathroom. He
told me to do my best to cover up the bruise before I went into public with Edward since
this was a small town. He didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea, as the people here
apparently liked to gossip and would jump to conclusions.
After Dr. Cullen left, the boys started scrounging up something to eat for breakfast. Dr.
Cullen had said breakfast was an every man for themselves type deal and I didn’t have to
cook unless it was requested of me, but I felt bad just standing there watching them.
They didn’t actually have anything for me to cook, though, so I couldn’t exactly offer my
services. I was feeling inadequate and out of place so I’d gone upstairs to my room and
decided to take a shower. He hadn’t said anything about baths or showers, but I presumed
from his outrage at my appearance at Charles’s house that he preferred me to be clean
constantly. I was so used to having every tiny detail of my life controlled upfront that I was
having a hard time dealing with trying to figure things out for myself. I knew I
should’ve gotten clarification but I was so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing that
I couldn’t seem to form any questions. In my world, nothing should ever be assumed and I
knew that, I just couldn’t seem to get my brain to work properly while in their presence.
There was shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom already, along with some bar soap.
They were all tiny sample sizes but they worked well enough.
I climbed out, feeling fresher than I’d felt in a long time. I was used to breaking into a sweat
the moment I stepped out of the water in Phoenix because of the heat and humidity and
our living conditions, never truly staying fresh. The air in the Cullen house was regulated
and seemed to hover somewhere between comfortable and slightly too cool.
I glanced around, noticing there weren’t any combs or brushes around. I ran my fingers
through my hair to get the knots out, not bothering with it otherwise. The mirrors were all
fogged up from the steam from the hot shower I took and I was actually quite grateful for it,
as I had no desire to see myself. I knew I had scars all over my body from punishments over
the years and avoided looking at them at all costs. They made me feel disgusting, unworthy.
I didn’t have any new clothes so I slipped on my black capri’s from the day before. I didn’t
want to wear the pink tank top, as it was slightly uncomfortable, so I pulled the football
shirt back on. I hoped they didn’t mind.
I opened the door, deciding to head down to Dr. Cullen’s room to find the makeup, and
froze abruptly when I noticed the door across from me was wide open. Edward was
standing right inside the room and seemed to be frozen in spot also. I glanced around,
slightly shocked as I’d never seen a room so utterly disorganized and chaotic before. He let
out a slightly nervous sounding laugh and rattled something off about his bedroom being a
mess and I realized he’d caught me gaping at it. I looked away quickly and apologized,
remembering clearly that the boys’ rooms were off limits. He told me not to apologize and
made it out to be no big deal, which surprised me considering both Jasper and Dr. Cullen
had alluded to the fact that Edward was kind of particular when it came to his possessions.
I glanced up, smiling lightly that he was being so understanding. Our eyes met and I stared
into his, in something of a trance. Something about his eyes was hypnotic, the emerald
green was intense and smoldering and I couldn’t seem to tear my gaze away. They were so
expressive and it was as if they were calling out to me, beckoning me. My pulse started
racing and it was slightly uncomfortable, as eye contact usually was for me, but no matter
how much I tried I couldn’t break the connection. He wasn’t moving or speaking and I was
panicking internally at that fact, as I couldn’t really gauge his mood or disposition and that
was slightly distressing. Dr. Cullen had said Edward was a lot like him and I was starting to
see it, as they both were mysterious and I couldn’t really read them.
Edward’s phone rang and we both jumped. He cursed and looked away finally, reaching
into his pocket. I exhaled sharply, realizing I hadn’t been breathing, and once I took a deep
breath my head started to clear and I took the opportunity to escape the situation. It had
me slightly freaked out, as I’d never experienced something like it before. It was like I was
under some type of spell and didn’t have control over myself.
I practically ran down the stairs, heading straight for what Jasper had told me was Dr.
Cullen’s room. I slipped inside quickly, shutting the door quietly. I leaned back against the
door and took a few deep breaths to calm myself.
I stood there quietly, straining my ears to listen for sounds in the house. I heard Edward
coming down the stairs, talking to someone. He bypassed the second floor and I could hear
his voice filter upstairs as he hit the bottom floor, but couldn’t make out any words. I
opened Dr. Cullen’s bedroom and walked quietly to the top of the stairs, listening. I saw all
three boys heading for the front door, none of them glancing up in my direction. I stood
there, watching and listening as they disappeared out the front, the door clicking behind
them as the car started up and pulled away from the house.
It was then that I breathed the sigh of relief… but my contentment didn’t last long.
It was quiet, almost too quiet. I was used to noise constantly, as there were always people
nearby when I was in Phoenix. The silence was deafening.
I’d never been left on my own like this before. Even though I was technically alone I
suspected I was still being watched somehow, possibly because of whatever it was they did
to me at the medical center. Chipped, as Dr. Cullen had called it. It all made me nervous
and I suddenly was hyperaware of everything.
I stood there for a moment, contemplating what to do, before slowly making my way
downstairs. Dr. Cullen had told me to acquaint myself with the house so I assumed that
was as good of a place to start as any.
I spent about an hour going through the house and opening cabinets and drawers, getting
an idea of where everything was. I located all of the cleaning supplies in a closet in the
laundry room. On the second floor I found another closet, which was full of sheets and
blankets and pillowcases. I stayed out of the boys’ bedrooms and didn’t go into the room on
the first floor that Jasper had told me to stay away from. I also made sure to bypass the
piano completely, not wanting any fingers broken.
After that I scrubbed the kitchen floor, as it was slightly sticky from the orange juice that
had been spilt. I washed the dishes from the boys’ breakfast, drying them and putting them
away. They had a dishwasher but frankly I had no idea how to use one, as Charles made us
wash everything by hand, so I decided it was just easier to wash them myself instead of
risking breaking an appliance. I wiped down all of the counters lastly.
The rest of the downstairs was fairly clean. I dusted the electronics in the living area and
grabbed the clear bottle with “Window Cleaner – USE ONLY THIS” written on it in black
letters, cleaning the large windows that covered nearly the entire back wall. I had to use a
chair to reach the top of them and nearly fell out of it, but thankfully was able to catch
myself.
I went into the bathroom and scrubbed the toilet and sink. I used Windex on the mirror
and then mopped the white tile floor.
After that was done, I headed for the second floor. I went into Dr. Cullen’s room and
stripped his bed. I went into the hallway and opened the linen closet, pulling out a black
and white sheet set and a comforter that looked to be similar to the ones I’d removed. I
made the bed the way Charles had liked it done, not knowing how Dr. Cullen preferred it.
But Charles had been very peculiar about how his bed was made so it was at least
something I’d perfected over the years.
I took the dirty linens downstairs to the laundry room. Their washer and dryer were similar
to Charles’s so I knew how to operate them. I threw them in the oversized washer and
started it up.
I grabbed some supplies and headed back upstairs. I went into Dr. Cullen’s bathroom and
scrubbed out his bathtub and shower, which had a bit of grime in it and looked as if
it hadn’t been cleaned in awhile. I scrubbed the toilet and sink next, making them sparkle
as much as possible. I used Windex on his bathroom mirror, sweeping and mopping the
floor lastly.
I went back into his bedroom and dusted off and polished his wooden furniture. I used the
cleaner on his windows lastly before heading back out.
I went up to the third floor and went into the library, gasping at the enormity of it. There
had to have been hundreds of books, shelf upon shelf of them. There was a desk and some
chairs sitting around, as well as a small table. I dusted the room as best as I could.
I returned the supplies back downstairs and grabbed the Dyson vacuum. I plugged it in and
started it up, vacuuming the carpeted areas of the living room and dining area. After that
was done I lugged it up the stairs, breaking into a sweat for the first time since arriving at
the Cullen house as it weighed at least 20 pounds and my body was frail. I vacuumed the
hallway and Dr. Cullen’s bedroom, before lugging it up to the third floor and vacuuming
the hallway. I vacuumed the library last, before hauling the Dyson back down to the first
floor and returning it to the closet in the laundry room.
The washer had finished so I took the linens out and put them in the dryer, starting it up. I
grabbed the mop and went out to the foyer, mopping the wooden floor. I considered
moving the piano bench and mopping under the piano but eventually decided it would be
best to not even go near it.
After the floor was dry, I headed back into the laundry room and returned all of the
supplies, straightening the room up. The dryer buzzed and I pulled the fresh warm linens
out, inhaling the slightly flowery clean smell. I folded them up and walked back to the
second floor, placing them in the linen closet.
I walked back into Dr. Cullen’s room, glancing at his clock. It was a few minutes past 3 pm.
I wasn’t sure what time Edward would return home from school, but I was starting to panic
knowing it wouldn’t be too much longer. After the odd encounter this morning, I was
slightly apprehensive about being in his presence again.
I grabbed the bottle of makeup from Dr. Cullen’s bathroom counter and headed up toward
my room. I considered taking another shower, knowing I was slightly sweaty from working,
but figured it was just a waste of time considering I didn’t have any clean clothes to put on.
I walked in my bathroom and glared at my reflection in the mirror, frowning. The bruise
was somewhat fading to a greenish color around the edges and looked slightly disgusting
against my flushed cheeks. I washed my face, to cool my skin off, and dried it. I opened the
bottle of foundation and poured some on my finger. I rubbed it over the bruise, trying my
best to blend it in but it looked slightly splotchy to me, as I had no idea what I was doing.
I finally gave up with a groan, deciding it was good enough, and closed the bottle up. I
washed my hands slid on my black flip-flops before heading downstairs. It was around 3:30
now and my nerves were increasing with each passing moment.
I walked into the kitchen and pulled out a glass, pouring some water into it from the tap. I
gulped it down, slightly parched. I felt slightly more comfortable in the house after
spending all day here but I hadn’t been comfortable enough to help myself to anything in
the kitchen.
I washed the glass out and was putting it away when I heard the crunch of gravel outside as
a car pulled up. I pushed the curtain aside slightly and glanced out the window. The car was
sleek and silver with dark tinted windows and shiny silver rims. It looked to be either brand
new or else very well taken care of.
The driver’s side door opened and Edward stepped out. My eyes widened and my breath
hitched at the sight of him. The sun was shining brightly, causing his hair to look slightly
more golden than it was. He had pale skin that practically glowed as it reflected the
sunlight, and he was wearing a pair of black sunglasses. Even the small white bandage on
the corner of his forehead seemed to add character. He paused before closing his door,
running his fingers through his hair and making it even more chaotic than it had been.
I let go of the curtain and stepped aside when he looked up at the house, not wanting him
to think I was watching him or anything. I heard the front door open and close softly. There
was a slightly loud thump that echoed through the silent house and then a loud sigh.
I stood frozen in spot, staring down at the ground as I heard footsteps. My heart was racing
as they grew closer to me. The footsteps stopped abruptly and I glanced up to see him
standing in the doorway. His eyebrow was raised and he was staring at me questioningly.
I glanced back down at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact so not to have a repeat of
this morning. He was quiet for a moment before clearing his throat.
“You like my shirt?” he asked. I glanced up at him quickly, noticing his expression hadn’t
shifted from the questioning look. I looked down at the shirt, realizing that he was the
evidently the Cullen who wore the number 21 and played football at Forks High School.
“I’m sorry sir, I have nothing else to wear right now. I assure you I’ll return it to you as
soon as possibly in the same condition it was lent to me,” I rattled off quickly.
I looked up at him and he smiled. “No need to apologize,” he said with a shrug. “Keep it as
long as you want, it looks good on you.”
My eyes widened and I looked away from him quickly. I silently cursed when I felt the
blood rush to my cheeks. I have no idea what he meant by that but the words made me
nervous.
“Forget I just said that,” he muttered, sighing. I glanced up and saw he was pinching the
bridge of his nose, looking frustrated. I smiled involuntarily—he was definitely exactly like
his father in mannerisms. He glanced over at me and I dropped my smile quickly, diverting
my eyes away again. “Come on, let’s go get this shit over with.”
He sighed and turned, walking away. I followed behind him quietly and heard him
mumbling to himself. I couldn’t make out most of it, but my heart dropped when I heard
‘so fucking stupid’. Was he talking about me? Did he really think I was stupid?
He hit the front door and pulled it open, turning around. He jumped, startled, when he
noticed I was right behind him. “Fuck, girl!” he yelled loudly, grabbing his chest. “You need
to learn how to make some damn noise so people know you’re there. That sneaking around
shit isn’t going to fly.”
“Sorry sir,” I mumbled quickly, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. “I didn’t mean to
surprise you, I was just taught to be as silent as possible at all times.”
“Yeah, well, you need trained differently or you’re going to give me a fucking heart attack,”
he said. I nodded, unsure of what to say, and he groaned, shaking his head. He turned and
walked out the door and I followed him out, pausing on the porch. I heard him mutter ‘so
fucking stupid’ again as he closed and locked up the house.
He practically ran off the porch, shaking his head and muttering stuff I couldn’t make out.
He headed straight around the car for the driver’s side but paused abruptly, groaning once
again. He turned around and walked to the passenger door, opening it and motioning for
me to get inside. I thanked him softly, climbing into the car. He didn’t respond but nodded
once in acknowledgment. He shut the door and headed for the driver’s side.
The inside of the car was flawless and made me nervous. It was all black leather, the scent
of it fairly strong. There wasn’t any dirt anywhere in it that I could see, everything still
shiny and polished. I wasn’t exactly surprised, however, considering he was supposedly
finicky.
He slid into the driver’s seat and started the car up. I put my seatbelt on and glanced over
at him, noticing he was frowning and his posture was slightly tense. He put the car in gear
and started driving right away, not bothering with his seat belt. I gripped the seat tightly as
he accelerated quickly, sending gravel and dirt flying. He barely slowed as he whipped
down the driveway and out onto the road, his tires squealing.
I was frightened--I won’t deny it. He was quite nonchalant at driving, fiddling with his
radio the entire time and scanning through songs instead of paying attention to the road.
He didn’t speak at all, didn’t even glance in my direction. It was like I wasn’t even in the car
with him.
He drove for a few minutes before entering the town limits. He finally stopped when he got
to a store, parking toward the back of the parking lot. He took up a few spots, parking the
car at an angle and ignoring the painted lines. It was slightly confusing.
He turned the engine off and sighed, pulling the key out. He stepped out and shut his door
quickly. I hesitated briefly. Before I could reach for the door handle, however, he was at my
side and opening my door.
I climbed out and he shut the door behind me. He paused, glancing at me briefly for the
first time since we got into his car, before turning and heading for the store. I followed
behind him, trying to make some noise so not to upset him further with my silence but
it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
We reached the building and the door slid open automatically on it’s own. We walked
inside and he headed toward a row of carts.
He paused and turned to look at me expectantly. I froze, slightly panicked. His brow
furrowed as he took in my expression and he hesitated, before grabbing a cart and pulling
it out.
“Have you ever grocery shopped on your own?” he asked quietly after a second, glancing at
me from the corner of his eye. I shook my head.
“No. I’ve never actually been inside a store before.”
He froze, his head snapping in my direction quickly. He stared at me incredulously.

“Never?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Never. I wasn’t allowed to,” I said quietly. He sighed and shook his head,
seemingly frustrated.
“Well, I can’t say I’ve ever actually grocery shopped either,” he said with a shrug. I looked
at him with surprise and he smiled lightly.
“Really?” I asked, smiling back.
He nodded, chuckling softly. “Yeah, really. I mean, I’ve ran into a store and bought
something specific I was sent for, but I’ve never actually gone food shopping on my own.
Thankfully, it’s not my responsibility,” he said.
My smile fell. Grocery shopping, according to Dr. Cullen, would be up to me to handle. I

wasn’t exactly sure how that was going to work out, but I knew that Edward was here,
having to do my work for me, and that wasn’t right.
“Sorry,” I said softly, glaring at the ground. He sighed.
“Don’t apologize, I volunteered. We’ll figure this shit out together.”
He paused when we hit the produce section, glancing around. He had a slightly confused
look on his face. He turned to me and cocked an eyebrow after a second. “I have another
confession,” he whispered, leaning slightly toward me.
“What’s that?” I asked with my brow furrowed.
“I can’t say I’ve ever actually cooked either, so I have no idea what half this shit is or what
it’s for,” he said, picking up a stalk of Brussels sprouts and eyeing it skeptically. I couldn’t
help the giggle that escaped me at the sight of his expression. He turned his head and
smiled at me. “Seriously, though, what the fuck is this?” he asked, holding it up.
“Brussels sprouts,” I said. He looked shocked and glanced at the stalk he was holding.
“Definitely not buying them,” he muttered, practically throwing it back down. I laughed, a
little louder than I expected to, and brought my hand up to cover my mouth. He chuckled.
“You’ve got a nice laugh,” he said after a moment. I glanced at him and smiled.
“Thank you,” I said softly. He nodded, but otherwise didn’t respond. We stood there,
staring at each other for a moment before he cleared his throat and averted his eyes,
running his hand through his hair again.
“Let’s get this over with,” he mumbled.
I nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable. There was a tension there now, I didn’t quite
understand it but I could feel it. “What do you generally eat, so I know what types of things
to cook?”
He laughed dryly. “Emmett will eat anything. Hell, he’d probably eat Brussels sprouts.
Jasper and dad aren’t very hard to please, they’ll at least give anything you make a try.”
“And you?” I asked, noticing he hadn’t mentioned himself. He sighed and shrugged.
“Finicky,” I muttered to myself, enjoying the new word Dr. Cullen had taught me, realizing
that Edward wasn’t just particular about his possessions. He was all around picky.
He looked at me incredulously. “What did you just call me?” he asked.
My eyes widened when it dawned on me that I’d just said it to his face. He was looking at
me expectantly, obviously not going to let me get away with avoiding it. I sighed. “Finicky,”
I said softly.
He shook his head. “My dad taught you that shit, didn’t he? He’s been telling me for years
that I was a finicky fucker.”
I smiled lightly, relieved that he wasn’t upset. Less than 48 hours ago if I’d have muttered
the word finicky to my owner, even if he hadn’t know what it meant, I would’ve been
punished severely.
“Yes, your dad did mention it,” I said. “I truly meant no disrespect.”
He nodded. “I know. But whatever, let’s shop. We look like idiots just standing here beside
these fucking sprouts,” he mumbled. I smiled and nodded.
Edward grabbed little green bags and I started tossing fruits and vegetables that I thought
would be useful in them. We started going down the aisles next and I grabbed what I
recognized as having used before. Luckily I’d spent so much time in the kitchen at Charles’s
house that I recognized the packaging and didn’t have to deal with the fact that I was
supposedly illiterate. Clara had taught me how to cook so it was quite ingrained in me.
Edward assured me that I should get everything that caught my eye and not worry about
how much I spent or how packed full the cart was. He said he had no desire to return to a
grocery store again for a while and I returned the sentiment. I grabbed all of the essentials
for meals and Edward grabbed their favorite convenience foods, like cereals, and junk food,
like chips and ice cream and soda. I was clueless when it came to those things.
We headed to the front with an overflowing cart and Edward started tossing the stuff up on
the conveyer belt. I noticed the girl working was staring at Edward, her eyes wide and a big
smile on her face. It was so odd, she stared at him as if he was an idol or something, and
she wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that she was gaping at him. Edward seemed to not
notice her, though.
As soon as the manager spotted Edward he came over to us. “Mr. Cullen, nice to see you,”
he said, reaching his hand out toward Edward. Edward nodded and took his hand, shaking
it nonchalantly.
The manager started bagging our groceries and placing them in our cart. I stood back and
watched it all with amazement, the cashier and manager both gaping at Edward and him
seemingly oblivious to it all. The manager seemed to want to impress Edward, as Edward’s
presence seemed to make him slightly nervous and maybe a bit afraid and was watching
him to make sure he wasn’t upset. It was so odd, and I had to wonder if maybe the people
in town knew about the other aspect of their life, or at least suspected it. I also had to
wonder if Edward was just unobservant, or if he was just so used to the treatment that he
didn’t bat an eyelash about it anymore. It wasn’t normal though, that much I was sure of. I
had a feeling the teenage girl behind the register was staring at him for reasons different
than the manager, though. I had a sneaking suspicious that she had a crush.
I was so fascinated by the workers that Edward seemed to fade into the background, until
his hand abruptly shot in my direction. I flinched instinctively and he froze, narrowing his
eyes at me. He reached past me slowly and grabbed a candy bar off of the rack beside me.
He threw it up on the conveyor belt without taking his eyes off of me.
I looked away, unsure of why he was looking at me the way he was. I couldn’t figure out if
he were upset or not. I could still feel his gaze on me and it was making me nervous.
“Your total is $247.63,” the girl at the register said after a moment. My eyes widened in
surprise at the cost and I glanced up at Edward, but it didn’t seem to faze him. He reached
into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, opening it and pulling out a silver card. He
finally turned and looked away from me, swiping his card quickly. The girl handed him a
slip of paper after a second and I glanced over, watching as he signed his name on it. His
writing was quite stunning and I realized exactly how juvenile my own writing was. I
imagine my script looked something like a little kids’ would look.
He handed it back to her, looking at her for the first time and she smiled brightly at him.
He smirked at her, his grin lop-sided and charming. My heart started racing at the sight of
it and judging by the girls face, hers did too. I tried to push my heart fluttering aside,
mentally screaming at myself that I was being ridiculous. It was dangerous. I was softening,
getting vulnerable simply because he was attractive, and that was going to get me killed if I
kept it up. Less than 24 hours and he was already unraveling me.
The girl pulled off his receipt and grabbed an extra piece of paper, jotting something down
on it. She handed them both to Edward and he nodded at her before turning away. We
headed out of the store and the girl narrowed her eyes at me, glancing down at my shirt. I
realized I was wearing Edward’s clothes in public and she must’ve known that, because her
expression was jealous and hostile. I sighed and averted my eyes from her, staring at the
ground as we left.
We got to the car and Edward started it up. He pressed a button and the top of the car
started moving, startling me. I watched in awe as it folded down, disappearing as it turned
into a convertible. Edward saw my stunned expression and chuckled. He started grabbing
bags and tossing them in the back. I quickly started helping him, and when we were
through I slipped into the passenger seat while Edward returned the cart.
He returned after a moment and climbed in, starting to drive away immediately. He pulled
out his candy bar, a yellow triangular box with big red letters on the side, opening it
carefully and pulling back the foil. He broke off two triangles off nonchalantly and held it
out to me.
My eyes widened and I gaped at him. When I didn’t take it after a second he glanced over at
me, cocking an eyebrow at me questioningly.
“Don’t like chocolate?” he asked.
“Uh… I’ve, uh, never had it,” I mumbled.
He looked at me with shock. “Christ, girl, take it,” he said, thrusting the piece of chocolate
in my face. I laughed lightly and took it, nibbling on it. I smiled widely at the rich taste with
the tiny crunchy bits and what tasted like honey, and moaned at how amazing it was. I was
slightly embarrassed at my reaction and blushed deeply immediately. Edward merely
laughed, nodding.
“Yeah, I know… fucking amazing.”
Chapter 9 First Time For Everything
"Character is that sum total of moments we can't explain." -- George Saunders
My day had gone to hell quite fast, and as much as I wanted to blame my brothers or their
girlfriends for it, the fact was that it was entirely my own fault.
I tried to ignore Jasper’s words as he left the cafeteria. It was such a simple statement, but
so fucking loaded it was ridiculous. I was actually quite shocked he had the nerve to say
such a thing to my face, as they all knew how temperamental I was and how the mention of
her affected me.
‘If mom could see you now…’
I knew she’d be disappointed, probably pretty disgusted actually. She’d always tried to
make sure the life Dad led didn’t get to our heads and that we were raised to be gentlemen
and above all respect women, and I knew I was failing at all of that. I could be an ass, I
can’t deny that, and I was hot-headed and rude. I was the complete opposite when I was
younger, so gullible and sweet and desperate for love and affection. I remember once,
I couldn’t have been any older than six or so, Emmett learned the word ‘bitch’ from one of
his friends and thought it would be funny to come home and teach it to little gullible
Edward. I was so desperate for him to like me and accept me that I would’ve done anything
he asked me to. I was a scrawny little shit and Emmett was always so big that he was like
my protector. So when he asked me to walk into the kitchen, where mom was, and say the
word ‘bitch’ I was quick to jump to it.
Of course, it fucking made her cry and I felt like shit afterwards, not understanding because
Emmett didn’t even tell me what the damn word meant. If she knew I used that word
regularly now to describe the collective female population, she’d be thoroughly
disappointed.
But you know, she wasn’t here and hadn’t been for a long time. She was a gentle person,
sensitive and compassionate. She hadn’t been cut out for dad’s life, didn’t approve but she
loved him so she overlooked it. She was desperate for us boys to be different, for us not to
adopt the lifestyle. She had highest hopes for me, the youngest and most like her when I
was little. She coddled me, maybe too much--she always used to talk about her sweet little
Edward and how great he would be someday.
Yeah, if she could see me now she’d probably wish I had never been born. I’ve grown up to
be the exact thing she was so desperate to avoid for her kids. I had the mob mentality, the
‘no one matters but me’ attitude. That sweet compassionate boy that was desperate for love
and affection died a long fucking time ago. I pushed people away and pissed them off and
used them and frankly didn’t care. But no one truly understands what it is I’ve gone
through, what I’ve seen and had to live knowing. If they had the same images and sounds
embedded in their brain as I did, maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to judge or condemn me.
So I got up from the table in the cafeteria and walked out, going through the rest of the
school day trying to forget about her again but I couldn’t. It kept weighing on my mind and
that was pissing me off. In gym class last period Jessica even changed her mind and agreed
to sneak off with me but I couldn’t keep it up because I couldn’t focus.
Emmett went to Rose’s after school and Jasper had some club meeting so I drove home by
myself. I was starting to regret offering to take Isabella to the grocery store because of the
mood I was in. Something about her put me on edge and I couldn’t seem to think straight
around her. I was already distracted today because of Jasper and the last thing I needed to
do was say something stupid to her. She was already sketchy enough as it was.
I pulled up at the house and climbed out, hesitating. I saw the curtain flutter in the kitchen
and realized she’d seen me. I headed into the house, throwing my book bag on the floor and
walking into the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway and looked at her. She was standing
against the counter, not moving and staring at the ground. She looked scared as shit and I
stared at her for a moment, realizing she was wearing one of my football shirts. I
remembered dad coming in my room last night and grabbing something from my dresser
but I was too pissed off at the time to give it much thought. I realized now that he’d been
getting her something to wear. It was big but it seemed to fit her somehow, like she
belonged in the shirt or something. It was an odd feeling but it kind of felt right, like she
was supposed to have it.
She wasn’t even looking at me and it was uncomfortable, so I nervously spat something off
about her wearing my shirt. She, of course, apologized and said something about returning
it to me but I really didn’t give a shit about the shirt. I told her to keep it since it looked
good on her.
The moment she looked away and her face turned red, I realized exactly what I’d said. It
sounded like I was fucking hitting on her. She was uncomfortable enough already; you
could see it plain as day in her posture and expression that she felt out of place. The last
thing she needed was my asshole self acting all hormonal.
I was frustrated and told her to forget it, which is as close to an apology as I can conjure up.
I glanced over and saw that she was smiling but the moment I looked at her, her expression
went blank again and she looked away.
I told her to come on so we could get the grocery shopping over with before I said or did
anything else stupid. I was railing on myself for being such a damn idiot and didn’t even
hear her behind me, so she succeeded in scaring me again when I turned around. And of
course, exactly like the first time, I lashed out at her about it before I could even realize
what I was doing. She apologized, saying she was told to always be quiet, and to make
matters even worse I yelled that she needed to be trained differently. Trained… like a
fucking dog. How much more of a jackass could I be, really?
I was so pissed off and busy bitching myself out that I almost forgot my manners,
almost didn’t even open the door for her. I didn’t understand it; I’d never treated any of the
other women like this. It wasn’t their fault they were here and I always tried to make it as
easy as possible on them.
I was distracted the entire drive and tried not to look at her. Something about her got me
flustered and I needed to figure it out and fix it, because we seriously couldn’t continue on
with the tension or I’d snap.
We got to the grocery store and I parked the car sideways so no one could park anywhere
near me. It probably pissed people off, me making up half a dozen fucking parking spots,
but no one ever said shit to me about it. We walked inside and Isabella looked as if she
were about to have a nervous breakdown. She confessed that she’d never been inside of a
store before and I was shocked. Who the fuck had never been inside a store before? I tried
to take away some of her panic and lighten the mood a bit. I frankly didn’t know what I was
doing, never had to buy shit to make meals because I’m not trusted in the food department
since I practically like nothing. I actually got her to laugh and was stunned at how young
and carefree she looked and sounded at that moment. I complimented her on her laugh
and she smiled. It was a kind of sweet moment and we stared at each other for a bit until it
got weird and I had to look away before I did something stupid. She was getting under my
skin and that was making me uncomfortable.
I knew nothing about the girl besides the fact that she was 16 and her name was Isabella.
She’d barely even spoken to me besides to apologize for things she shouldn’t have to
apologize for. For all I knew she could be dumb as a doorknob and lack any amount of
personality. The two people Dad brought home prior to her had both been uneducated,
completely illiterate and I ventured to guess she likely was also, which was pretty fucking
sad.
I was shocked when she muttered that I was finicky. My dad was the only one I knew of
that used that word, so I knew immediately where she’d gotten it from. I was curious what
all Dad had said to her about me, how much she knew, but the middle of the store wasn’t
the time or place to ask about it. I ventured to guess she didn’t know too much, since she
had been brave enough to call me such a word to my face.
We went through the store fairly quickly. I noticed she barely even looked at the packages
she threw in the cart. I handled the non-meal stuff to make it easier on her until she got an
idea of our eating habits and preferences.
After we were finished shopping, we went up to the register and I put everything up to be
scanned. The manager came over to greet me, which wasn’t anything unusual. People
tended to cater to me, for one reason or another. Some did it because my dad was the
beloved doctor who pretty much saved the hospital, or because they had an idea of what the
family business really was. Others did it because they were sports lovers and the varsity
quarterback was always looked at like a God.
I reached past Isabella to grab a Toblerone bar, because I was such a glutton when it came
to them, and she flinched away from me. I looked at her with shock, surprised she’d think
I’d hit for no reason, especially in the middle of a damn store. She looked ashamed
afterwards for her reaction, which was just baffling. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what
she’d been through to be so sketchy. I turned to pay and noticed the girl at the register was
smiling at me all flirty-like. I knew who she was, she was cute and I heard around that she
was still a virgin. She would’ve been fun to talk into bed, and the sex would’ve been nice
since she was so petite and would be tight, but it wouldn’t have been worth the potential
consequences. Her dad was a cop and the last thing I needed was a guy with a badge and a
gun holding a vendetta against me for deflowering and breaking his little girl’s heart. My
dad would kick my ass for that. But I turned on the charm anyway, just because I could.
She slipped me her phone number with the receipt and I put it in my pocket, making a
mental note to throw it away later.
I put the top down on the car, which seemed to awe Isabella. Her expressions were quite
endearing and I couldn’t help but laugh. After we got the groceries in the car and I returned
the cart, I hopped in the car and pulled out my candy bar. I realized I’d been an ass
and didn’t buy her one so I broke off a piece and handed it to her. She looked at me like I
were crazy and I wondered immediately if I’d fucked up again somehow. But then she told
me she’d never had chocolate and that just stunned me. Who the hell hasn’t had chocolate
before? She took it hesitantly and took a bite and the expression on her face was completely
stunning. She looked captivated and completely content, all over a bite of a candy bar.
And then she moaned. She fucking moaned. And it wasn’t a soft dainty moan, it was one of
those guttural fuck-me-silly moans. It went straight to my cock and I hardened instantly. I
laughed and said something about the chocolate being good, trying to ignore the bulge in
my pants. Where had it been earlier in the day when I needed it?
The ride home was quiet. I put on some Debussy and hummed along to it. Isabella had her
head leaned back and her eyes closed, the wind blowing in her face. I kept glancing over at
her, as it was quite a sight. She had a smile on her lips—something about her being happy
made me smile. I had a feeling she had more demons haunting her than me.
I pulled up in front of the house and groaned when I spotted the little red convertible
parked out front, indicating Emmett was home and had Rose with him. Isabella’s eyes
popped open and widened at the sight of the car, panic evident on her face. I sighed and
ran my hand through my hair.
“It’s just Emmett’s girlfriend. She can be a bitch though, so just ignore her.”
She nodded but the panic didn’t leave. I climbed out and walked over to her side, opening
her door for her. I started grabbing bags, as did she, and we took them into the house and
dropped them on the kitchen floor. I went back out and grabbed the last of the bags,
putting the hardtop back on in case it rained. I brought the bags in and sat them down,
sighing.
There was no sign of either Emmett or Rose downstairs so I figured they were up in
Emmett’s room. “Do you think you can handle putting this shit away on your own?” I
asked. Isabella glanced at me and nodded, turning her head away from me quickly. I sighed
again, running my hand through my hair. It was a nervous habit I couldn’t seem to break.
“All right. Just put all the plastic bags together and put them inside of one of the bags and
sit them beside the trashcan. My dad likes to recycle and shit.”
She nodded with her back still turned to me. I hesitated before turning and heading for the
stairs. I started up the steps slowly, listening. I could hear voices coming from Emmett’s
room and wanted to make sure they weren’t fucking before I went barging in.
I heard Jasper laugh from inside when I approached the door. I knocked twice loudly and
threw the door open immediately. They yelled and jumped, startled, and I started laughing.
Emmett started coughing instantly, a big huff of smoke coming out of him. The room was
hazy and the stench of marijuana was strong. I inhaled deeply, taking in the earthy smell
and some of the smoke lingering in the air.
“You fuckers really should learn to lock a door,” I said, still laughing. I closed the door
behind me and clicked the lock. Emmett held out the blunt to me as soon as I approached
and I took it.
Rose rolled her eyes. “Who’s going to walk in on us?”
“You never know,” I said with a shrug, bringing the blunt to my lips and taking a long hit of
it. I loved the smell of marijuana and the taste of the strawberry rolling paper. I held it in
my lungs and handed the blunt to Jasper.
“How’d grocery shopping go?” Emmett asked. I glanced over at him and saw he was
smirking. His eyes were glassy and red—he was high as hell.
“I survived,” I said, finally exhaling. I coughed lightly because of the burning sensation in
my lungs and felt the warmth rushing through me already, my body relaxing. “The cashier
gave me her phone number.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small slip of
paper, tossing it on Emmett’s bed beside him.
Emmett laughed and Rose rolled her eyes, reaching over and taking the blunt from Jasper.
“Whoever she is, she’s gotta be better than Stanley,” she said.
I shook my head. “She’s that new cops kid. I have no plans of going to jail over a piece of
ass.” I plopped down beside Jasper, sighing. “So what are you guys doing? Other than
killing brain cells?”
Rose smirked, passing the blunt back to Emmett. “We were taking bets.”
My eyebrows raised and I smiled. They were always betting on ridiculous shit. I swear my
brothers had a gambling addiction. “So, what are we betting on?”
“Who makes Isabella cry first,” Jasper said, shaking his head. I rolled my eyes.
“And who bet what?” I asked as Emmett handed me the blunt. I took a hit and Rose smiled.
“Emmett said it would be Carlisle,” she said. My eyes widened slightly in surprise. I
automatically figured everyone would finger me.
“Why Dad?" I asked, bringing the blunt up to my lips and taking a long drag, holding it in
as I handed it back to Jasper.
“Dad can be scary, man. You know that. I’m used to him and he still sometimes gives those
looks that make me want to run the hell away from him and hide. I figure she’ll fuck
something up before long and he’ll snap at her.”
I nodded, as it was plausible. “And who did Jasper say?” I asked, exhaling the smoke from
my lungs slowly.
“I said Emmett because of his size. You should’ve seen the look on her face when dad
introduced her to Emmett, she was scared,” Jasper said. I looked over at him and he was
frowning.
“And you Rose?” I asked. She smirked, reaching over and taking the blunt from Jasper.
“You, of course,” she said, taking a hit.
I nodded, figuring as much. “So how much is on the line?”
Rose handed the blunt to Emmett. “We each put $200 up,” she said with a shrug. I nodded
again.
I ran my fingers through my hair and stood up. I got slightly dizzy and blinked a few times
to clear my vision. I grabbed the blunt from Emmett and smirked.
“Well, I’d say both of you fuckers owe Rose $200, because the bitch has already won,” I
said, taking a hit. Their heads snapped in my direction as they all gaped at me.
“When did you make her cry?” Jasper asked, his brow furrowed. He looked mad—even
though he went in on the bet, he still didn’t like the idea of anyone winning it, because
winning would mean that someone upset the defenseless girl downstairs.
“The first time I spoke to her, early this morning. She scared the shit out of me and I yelled
at her,” I said with a shrug. “I didn’t mean to but you know me, I react.”
I took a long hit, holding it in, and handed the blunt to Jasper. I turned and headed for the
door, unlocking it and leaving the room quickly before any of them could comment on what
I’d said.
I went down the stairs and hit the foyer the same time Isabella was coming out of the
kitchen. She froze when she saw me and I exhaled finally, the smoke leaving my lungs. I
coughed and Isabella’s eyes narrowed slightly at me.
“You get it all?” I asked, wanting to make sure she’d gotten all of the groceries put up. I
never gave a shit before, I’m probably the least helpful person in the house, but there was a
part of me that felt slightly protective over the girl and wanted to ensure that she stayed out
of trouble. I knew Emmett was right—I may have made her cry first, but it wasn’t that far of
a stretch to imagine she’d fuck up before long and incur dad’s wrath.
“Yes sir,” she said softly, gazing at me.
We stood there silently, staring at each other. I felt the urge to say something to her but I
had no idea what to say or do, so I just stood there and stared.
She finally averted her eyes after a few moments, looking down at the ground. She walked
past me and headed up the stairs quickly, not giving me another glance.
I looked at my watched and sighed. It was 5:30. I walked over and grabbed my book bag,
which was still lying beside the door, and headed up the stairs to my room. I grabbed my
European History book out and plopped down on the leather couch in my room, flipping
through the pages until I found the section on the Medici Family during the Renaissance in
Italy. I tried to read some, knowing I had an essay due in a few days, but I couldn’t focus.
After reading the same paragraph about a dozen times and still not really retaining it, I
threw the book down in frustration. I lay back on the couch, closing my eyes.
When I opened my eyes, the room was slightly darker and the sun was setting. I sat up
quickly, blinking rapidly and glancing at my watch, knowing I’d fallen asleep. It was a few
minutes before 7pm.
I stood up and stretched my back out, running my fingers through my hair. I headed out of
the room and down the stairs slowly. I heard the TV on in the living room when I hit the
bottom floor and headed in that direction.
Jasper was sitting on the couch, watching Jeopardy. Emmett was across the room, sitting
in a chair, talking on his cell phone. I plopped down on the edge of the couch and sighed,
glancing at the TV.
Jasper was rattling off answers to every question, most of them wrong but he didn’t care.
He loved this fucking show. I sat back and watched with amusement, chuckling at him
when he got frustrated.
My eyes widened when a picture of a Brussels Sprout stalk popped up on the screen and
Alex Trebek said, “Each of the plants seen here yields dozens of these veggies.” Jasper’s
brow furrowed and he mumbled “peas”, which made no sense.
“It’s fucking Brussels sprouts,” I said. Jasper’s head snapped in my direction and he
narrowed his eyes when the guy on TV confirmed it was indeed Brussels sprouts.
The front door opened, diverting the attention off of me. Emmett jumped up immediately
and ran for the front door as Dad walked into the house, snatching some bags from him.
Dad laughed and shook his head. Emmett took the bags to the table as dad headed into the
living room. He glanced around the area briefly, sighing, before his eyes fell upon where
Jasper and I sat on the couch.
“Will one of you go upstairs and ask Isabella if she’s hungry?”
Chapter 10 Learning to Grow in Rows
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning
how to grow in rows." -- Doug Larson
I lay across my bed, staring up at the ceiling lost in thought. Everything was still so new
and so strange to me. Today had been odd and I was starting to grasp what Dr. Cullen had
explained to me about life in his house, how it would give me a sense of normalcy and
certain freedoms. I’d been left to my own devices pretty much the entire day, allowed to
work and do things at my own pace at whatever time I wanted to. It was so strange, after
spending the last sixteen years having everything mapped out for me. I felt out of sorts,
conflicted at the way they treated me. I didn’t feel like a slave in their presence—they made
me almost feel welcome here. And as nice as it was not to be treated harshly every minute
of the day, I wasn’t sure exactly how I liked it all. It was too new, too foreign. I’ve never
experienced change before and it was completely overwhelming.
On top of that, there was Edward. He had a temper and yelled and used foul language a lot,
and more than once already it’s been directed at me. But even in the midst of it he wasn’t
entirely mean. He spoke to everyone else the same way he spoke to me, and almost treated
me like an equal.
The ride home from the grocery store had been bizarre. I laid my head back against the seat
and closed my eyes, the warm wind blowing against my face. I could still taste the
sweetness from the chocolate on my lips. My lungs were breathing in a mixture of Edward’s
cologne, which was intoxicating and clouded my senses, and the scent of the greenery
outside that lingered in the air. There was classical music playing on the radio—I didn’t
know what it was, but the melody was beautiful and haunting. And as if that weren’t
enough, Edward was humming along to it, entirely in tune. The sounds coming from him
were soft and sweet, and it sent tingles down my spine. I had been so content and happy at
that moment, hearing and feeling and smelling and tasting things that were so new to me.
It all came crashing down when we reached the house and I opened my eyes. Reality came
back in full force, and the entirety of it was even harder after forgetting it all for a moment.
I panicked and looked at Edward. I felt a surge of longing and desire, my entire self begging
for that feeling back that I’d just lost.
That frightened me, I didn’t like it one bit. I always wished to experience the outside world,
if only for a moment, but now that I had I wished it never had happened. Because for the
first time since I was young, I felt hope. I felt happiness. And I couldn’t allow that, because
when it all came to an end, as it inevitably would, it would destroy me. I couldn’t let my
guard down--I needed to be strong.
And I blamed Edward for breaking me so much already. I don’t know what kind of hold he
had over me to make me so easily forget my place in the world, but I didn’t like it. He was
dangerous, likely the most dangerous person I’d ever met. Others could beat me and
punish me all day long, and they’d leave me battered and bruised but they’d never break
me. Edward, with just a smile, already had my walls crumbling.
I needed to stay away from him; I couldn’t let him bring me down. I needed to remember
who I was, why I was here, because forgetting would be my downfall.
I was thankful when he left me on my own to put away the groceries. I’d gotten a good idea
of where everything went so it wasn’t that difficult. As soon as I was finished I glanced
around to make sure everything was in place before rushing out, intending to go hide away
in my bedroom. But, of course, the way my luck was I didn’t escape unnoticed.
Edward was standing at the bottom of the steps. Immediately upon seeing him those
feelings stirred inside of me. I didn’t understand it, it didn’t make sense. I didn’t even know
the boy, not really. Everything I knew of him was bad and I shouldn’t think fondly of him.
He was an overall difficult person, a complete complication, but just the sight of him made
everything seem so simple. I stared at him for a moment, and he exhaled some smoke,
which surprised me as he was too young for such a bad habit, and then he spoke to me. I
forced myself to respond, pushing aside the conflicting feelings inside of me. He made me
almost feel safe… and I wasn’t safe. Least of all with him.
I rushed out of there and locked myself in my room. I heard Edward come upstairs and into
his room, and then some time later leave again. Even when he was out of my line of sight I
still had a hard time pushing him from my mind. I longed to know him, to hear his voice
and feel those feelings he stirred inside of me. But I couldn’t let myself. I had to stay away
from him.
So I lay across my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to sort it all through. I couldn’t be too
hard avoiding Edward. I’d hear him when he came and went from his room, of course, but
I didn’t necessarily have to have personal contact with him. He was gone all day and I could
get all of my work done then and just hide out when he was home. It would probably make
the rest of them happy also, not having to see me and remember I existed. As long as they
were fed and everything clean, they didn’t actually have to see me, right?
There was a soft knock on my door, startling me. I hadn’t heard anyone come up the stairs.
I felt panic shoot through me as I lifted myself up off the bed. I walked over slowly and
grabbed the doorknob, taking a deep breath before pulling it open.
Jasper stood in the hallway and smiled lightly at me. I returned the smile out of politeness,
although deep inside I was freaking out a bit, wondering what he wanted. A master coming
calling was never really a good thing. Being ignored, in my world, was ideal.
“Do you want to come down and eat with us?” he asked. My eyes widened in surprise when
I realized he was here to invite me to dinner. I glanced behind me at the clock and saw that
it was nearly 7:30. Dr. Cullen had told me that dinner was around 7 every night, so I
assumed that meant he was home from work with the food.
I started to panic then. I always had to greet Charles when he arrived home—did they
expect the same here? Jasper must’ve seen the fear on my face because he sighed loudly,
frowning.
“You don’t have to, you know,” he said softly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to come down.”
I looked at him questioningly and he smiled again. I nodded.
“Thank you, sir,” I said, feeling a slight bit of relief. He seemed sincere. “Please tell Dr.
Cullen I said thank you for offering, also,” I added, hoping he’d pass the message on and
Dr. Cullen would be as understanding. Even if he weren’t, though, I could take the
punishment. Physical punishment wouldn’t be so bad right now, might even help me
remember my place. I was famished but I couldn’t face Edward, not yet, not until I got a
grip on myself. Jasper nodded.
“I will.” He hesitated but turned to leave after a second. I shut the door softly and went
back over, lying on my bed.
About an hour later I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and braced myself. There was
another knock on my door, this one slightly louder. I pulled myself up and walked over,
pulling the door open.
My eyes widened in shock at the sight in front of me. It was a teenage girl, with short black
hair spiked out to the side. She was tiny, smaller than me, and was dressed up in fancy
clothes with makeup and jewelry on. She smiled a wide happy smile at me.
“Hey Isabella!!” she said, her voice loud and chipper. I just gaped at her in shock, utterly
confused.
“Uh… hello,” I said.
She laughed. “My name’s Alice. I’ve been friends with the Cullen’s since we were young.
Jasper’s my boyfriend.”
I nodded, remembering hearing about her. She was the one Dr. Cullen sent to shop for
clothes for me.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alice,” I said softly. I wasn’t sure how to greet her.
Her smile grew. “You’re so polite!” she said. I watched with shock as she walked past me
and into my bedroom, glancing around. I went to close the door when I heard more
footsteps on the stairs. I looked out and saw Jasper and Edward coming up the stairs,
carrying a bunch of bags. I stepped aside as they walked in the room, dropping them on the
floor. My eyes widened as I saw how many of them there were. They couldn’t all be for me.
“Thank you boys,” Alice said. They both grumbled a welcome and walked out. Edward went
across the hall to his room and Jasper headed back down the stairs. I shut my door and
turned to face Alice. She was eyeing me suspiciously. “Did you go out in public wearing that
today?” she asked, motioning toward my clothes.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said softly. She looked at me with confusion and started laughing.
“Please, never ever call me ma’am again,” she said. “Alice will do perfectly fine. And I bet
you were the envy of the girls in town, wearing Edward’s football shirt.”
I smiled. “We only saw one girl, but I doubt she had cause to envy someone like me.”
Alice shook her head. “The girls in this town are nuts over that boy. You wearing his clothes
is cause enough for their jealousy to spike. Plus, they have no idea who you are. All they’ll
ever know is you work for the Cullen family and live in their mansion. Rose and I are the
only people who know the truth,” she said.
I nodded, glaring down at the ground. I wasn’t sure how to feel about people not knowing
what I was, but at the same time I didn’t know how to feel about the girl in front of me
knowing.
“Anyway,” she said after a moment. “I got everything you’ll need for now. You’re a pretty
girl, I can tell just looking at you that everything will fit and look great.”
“Thank you, Alice.”
She smiled. “You’re welcome,” she said. She turned and headed for the door, pulling it
open. She paused and turned to face me. We stood there for a moment, in silence, before
she rushed forward quickly and wrapped her arms around me. My eyes widened in surprise
as she squeezed me tightly.
“You looked like you could use a hug,” she said as she pulled away, smiling. “And don’t
worry Isabella, everything will be fine. We’re going to be great friends.”
She turned and walked out of the room without another word, heading for the stairs. I
closed the door and sighed. Friends?!
I walked over and plopped down on the couch in my room, and started pulling stuff out of
bags. I gaped at the clothes with disbelief, as I was stunned at the massive amounts of
them. There were dozens of shirts, at least ten pairs of jeans, a few other types of pants,
along with some shorts and capri’s. There were even a couple skirts and dresses, which
completely baffled me, as I had no idea what I’d need them for. There were countless
undergarments, a few of which I’d never imagine wearing, as the fabric on them was barely
existent. There were a couple pairs of shoes also, some casual and others dressy. There
were also about a dozen different pajama sets, and a bag full of fruity smelling toiletries,
like shampoo and deodorant and body wash and even some perfume.
I didn’t bother pulling tags off; I just started hanging them in the closet as they were. I put
everything else in the dresser, and pushed the empty bags aside.
After everything was put up, I grabbed the bag of toiletries and a set of pajamas and headed
for the bathroom. I stripped and hopped in the shower. The shampoo and body wash
smelled strongly of strawberries and was completely heavenly. I stayed under the spray of
water for a long time before finally shutting it off and stepping out.
I threw on the pajamas, which were a pair of hot pink and black striped pants and a
matching black tank top. I glanced around, noticing I still didn’t have a brush, but
thankfully Alice had bought some ponytail holders so I just threw it back.
I stepped out and headed for the bed when a soft knock rang out on my door. I sighed,
closing my eyes. I was exhausted and really just wanted to get some sleep. I walked
hesitantly over to the door and opened it. Dr. Cullen was standing in the hallway and
smiled lightly when he saw me.
“May I come in?” he asked. My eyes widened in surprise at his question. It was his house,
why was he asking me if he could enter a room?
“Of course,” I said, stepping aside. He walked inside and looked around.
“So the clothes fit?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing at what I was wearing. I
nodded.
“I haven’t tried them all on but it appears so, sir,” I said. He nodded.
“Yeah, Alice is usually spot on with those things. She’s a like a daughter to me. You’ll like
her.”
I smiled lightly. “She seemed nice.”
He smiled. “Yeah, she is. Her best friend, Rosalie, is like a daughter to me also. She isn’t
quite as cheerful, though.”
I nodded. “I’ve heard,” I mumbled, remembering what Edward had said about her in the
car.
He smiled and raised an eyebrow at me questioningly. “Really? Who was it that warned you
of Rosalie?”
“Edward, sir. He said she was a…,” I hesitated, remembering he’d called her a bad name.
I didn’t know if I should repeat such a thing to Dr. Cullen, didn’t want cause any trouble.
He saw my expression and laughed. “I’m going to venture a guess and say Edward called
her a bitch, correct?” I smiled and nodded. He shook his head, still laughing. “That sounds
like Edward. Speaking of which, did everything go well today? I know Edward can come off
as a bit abrasive.”
“Edward was nice, very helpful,” I said. Dr. Cullen looked surprised.
“Wow, that’s not something I hear very often,” he said, chuckling. “Anyway I came up here
to compliment you on the job you did today. One day here and the house looks better than
it has in a long time. I seriously can’t remember the last time the windows weren’t grimy.
And in case you’re wondering, all of the windows in the house are bulletproof, which is why
they require the special cleaner.”
I nodded in understanding. “Thank you for the compliment sir, it was my pleasure.”
He sighed. “I very highly doubt that. You don’t have to lie to me to please me, you can
speak freely as long as you aren’t disrespectful about it.”
“I’d never disrespect you, sir,” I said quickly.
“Never say never, Isabella. Disrespect comes in many forms and sometimes we do it
without even realizing it.”
I looked at him with confusion, as his words were slightly cryptic. He smiled lightly and
shook his head. “We don’t have to get into that right now, as it’s getting late. Have a good
night, Isabella.”
“Good night to you also sir,” I said. Dr. Cullen headed for the door, pausing and turning his
head to glance at me.
“One more thing. You don’t have to eat with us if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, but I
do have to request that you please make sure you eat at some point. The last thing I need is
you collapsing from starvation. I put your dinner in the fridge for you.”
“Yes, sir,” I said. He nodded and walked out, descending the stairs quickly. I stood there for
a few moments, conflicted, before heading out and slipping downstairs. There were muffled
sounds coming from all of the bedrooms, where I assumed the boys were. I went straight
into the kitchen and opened the fridge, noticing the Styrofoam container.
I pulled it out and opened it up. It was Japanese food from what I could tell. I’d never eaten
it before myself, but I had experience cooking it. I popped the container in the microwave
and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, pouring some water into it from the tap. When the
food was warm I grabbed it and headed to the dining area. I put my food and glass on the
table and sat down. I ate quietly and kept the light off, not wanting to draw any attention to
myself.
After I finished eating, I threw the container away and washed my glass out and put it
away. I cleaned the kitchen area up a bit, from where the Cullen’s had ate dinner, and then
headed upstairs. I slipped into my bedroom quietly and headed into the bathroom to brush
my teeth. I was a bit apprehensive about the toothpaste Alice had bought, as I’d never
actually used commercial toothpaste before. Charles refused to purchase it for us but my
mom always managed to throw together enough salt and baking soda to make a mixture
that would suffice so my teeth were always kept clean. The taste of the toothpaste was
strong and nearly made me gag.
I slipped into bed after that and quickly drifted off to sleep. I slept deeply, waking up only
when the sound of a door slamming vibrated through my room. I sat up abruptly, confused,
and glanced at the clock. It was almost 8am.
I jumped up and practically sprinted down the steps, getting a quick glimpse of the back of
Edward as he ran out the front door. I made my way down to the foyer and glanced out the
front window. Edward jumped into his car quickly and started it up, spinning tires as he
flew out of the driveway. He was in a rush, and I assumed he was likely running late for
school as he was leaving 30 minutes later than he had the day before.
I went upstairs and got dressed, throwing on a pair of light collared jeans and a blue V-neck
shirt. They fit perfectly and I smiled to myself, thankful for the odd girl who bought me so
many clothes. I spent the day cleaning again, scouring every room I was allowed to enter.
Everything was still practically spotless from the day before, but I cleaned it again anyway.
I needed something to keep me busy.
At around 3:30 I heard a car approaching outside. I walked into the kitchen and spotted
the large red jeep pulling up. It had been parked beside the house the entire time I’d been
here but I got slightly nervous, not knowing who it belonged to as the windows were dark.
I stood there, silent and frozen in place, and after a minute the front door opened. I heard
both Jasper and Emmett’s voices immediately. They walked past the kitchen, glancing in
the room. Jasper smiled at me while Emmett nodded in greeting as they headed for the
living area. I heard the TV turn on.
I didn’t know what to do. I considered fleeing up to my room because I felt stupid just
standing there, but that felt disobedient for some reason. I was antsy and needed
something to occupy my time, because when I wasn’t busy my mind was wandering.
That wasn’t good, because my thoughts kept drifting to Edward. After a moment I sighed
and walked out of the kitchen. I walked into the living area and paused, chewing on my
bottom lip. They both glanced up at me questioningly and it made me nervous.
“Can I do something for you guys?” I asked.
“We’re cool, you can relax,” Emmett said shrugging. I sighed.
“Please? There has to be something, anything I can do,” I practically implored. Jasper’s
brow furrowed and Emmett laughed.
“Shit, you don’t have to beg,” Emmett said. “I mean, I could always eat a sandwich.”
I smiled, relieved to have something to do. It was utterly ridiculous. You’d think I would
appreciate and savor having so much down time but it was maddening to me. “What kind
of sandwich would you like?”
He looked at me with shock, evidently surprised that I was actually going to do it. “Hell, I
don’t know. Just peanut butter and jelly will do,” he said. I nodded, turning and heading
for the kitchen quickly. I grabbed the stuff and made a peanut butter and grape jelly
sandwich, placing it on a plate and grabbing a paper towel. I walked back into the living
room and held it out to him.
He took it and smiled. I returned his smile as he took a bite. “Would you like something to
drink?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yeah a coke if you don’t mind,” he said. I nodded.
“Of course not,” I said. I went and grabbed a coke from the fridge, taking it back to him. I
headed back into the kitchen and washed the knife I used and wiped down the counter. I
heard a loud sigh behind me and turned around to see Jasper staring at me, frowning.
“Do you need something sir?” I asked. He sighed again.
“You’re going to spoil him,” he said, nodding behind him in the direction of the living area.
“You really don’t have to do all that, we can take care of ourselves.”
“I know, I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t, sir,” I said. “I just prefer to stay busy. I’m
used to constantly having things to do and don’t know what to do with myself without
work. It makes me uneasy.”
I bit my lip nervously again, shocked that I’d just rattled that off, but something about
Jasper made me comfortable enough to express myself. He smiled sadly.
“I’m sure I’ve got some laundry,” he said, shrugging. I smiled lightly. “Come on, let’s go get
it.”
I followed Jasper out of the kitchen and upstairs. He opened his bedroom door and went
inside, and I stopped in the doorway. He turned and glanced at me questioningly. “Dr.
Cullen told me never to enter your rooms unless you otherwise tell me to,” I said.
He laughed. “Feel free to come in my room anytime you want. I’ve learned to lock my door
when I’m busy because Edward has a habit of barging in, so if it’s open you’re free to enter.
That rule’s really only in place because of Edward and it’s really only for your own sake;
because I promise you don’t want to ever enter his room unless he asks you to.”
I nodded and took a few steps forward. I reached for the handle of Jasper's hamper and his
arm shot out to stop me. I recoiled backwards instinctively once again, and he froze in spot.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, apologizing for how I just acted. He sighed.
“It’s okay. I’d ask why you react that way but I’m not so sure I want to know. You do know
I’m not going to hit you, right?”
“Yes, sir,” I said. He smiled and grabbed the hamper, ushering me out of the room. We
went downstairs to the laundry room and I sorted his clothes out, starting a load. He
thanked me and I waved him off, slightly uncomfortable that he was showing so much
gratitude. I’d been thanked more times in the past day than ever before.
After Jasper’s clothes were washing I headed upstairs to my room. I cleaned up my room a
bit before heading back down. I washed Emmett’s plate and put Jasper’s clothes in the
dryer, starting his second load.
I started searching the cabinets then, knowing I had to cook dinner but having no clue as to
what to make. I sighed and headed into the living room.
Jasper and Emmett glanced up at me when I entered. “Any suggestions on dinner?” I

asked. Emmett laughed and Jasper smiled, shaking his head.
“I’ll eat anything,” Emmett said. Jasper nodded, rolling his eyes.
“Just make something easy that you’re good at,” Jasper suggested. I nodded, turning back
for the kitchen. They hadn’t been much help at all.
I pulled a pack of chicken from the freezer, throwing it in the microwave and defrosting it.
The dryer buzzed and I folded up Jasper's clothes, putting his second load in.
I cooked Fettuccini Alfredo with chicken and mushrooms. I threw together a salad and
made homemade breadsticks to top it off. The food finished at about 6:45 and I kept it
warming as I went to fold up the rest of Jasper’s clothes.
The front door opened when I was in the laundry room and I looked out to see Dr. Cullen
walk in. He paused inside the doorway and smiled. “It smells terrific in here!” he
exclaimed. I smiled.
“Thank you, sir. It’s ready, just sitting on the stove warming.”
He smiled. “Great. Go ahead and sit it all on the table, Edward will be home from football
practice in a few minutes and we’ll eat.”
I nodded, my smile falling at the mention of Edward. I was still apprehensive about being
near him again. Dr. Cullen noticed my expression and sighed.
“You can go to your bedroom if you prefer. Just make yourself a plate to save for later.”
I nodded. “Thank you, sir.” I walked past him and set the table, placing the food in the
center so they could serve themselves. After that was finished I grabbed Jasper’s hamper
and headed toward the stairs with it. I made it to the second floor when the front door
swung open.
The smooth velvety voice hit me instantly and I froze in spot, closing my eyes.
“Scopata, what’s that’s smell?!”
I smiled involuntarily before resuming walking. I hesitated outside of Jasper’s room before
pushing the door open and walking inside. He’d told me I could enter and I was taking his
word on him that it wasn’t a trick. I hung up his clothes in the closet and put the rest of his
clothes away in his dresser, returning the hamper to the spot we’d gotten it from. After that
was finished, I went up to my room and shut myself inside.
I stayed there until after I heard Edward come upstairs and go into his room. It was
ridiculous and maybe immature, but it felt like the best thing to do given the situation. I
needed to keep my distance from him. I snuck downstairs after everyone was asleep and
ate my dinner in the silent dark dining room, and did up the dishes before returning back
to my room.
The next morning I stayed in my room until after the boys left for school. I cleaned the
house again, although it was already nearly spotless. Dr. Cullen had left me a note in his
room, asking me to do the laundry he had set aside. Most of Dr. Cullen’s clothes were dry-
cleaned, so it was a fairly easy task but I was grateful for the busy work. Jasper and Emmett
returned home from school around 3:30 again, and the routine from the day before
continued except I made both boys sandwiches this time and Emmett fetched his laundry
for me.
Dr. Cullen returned home early, shortly after 5. I was in the kitchen, glancing through the
cabinets, trying to decide what to make for dinner. He walked into the kitchen and smiled.
“I completely forgot to tell you. You get the night off from cooking,” he said.
I looked at him with surprise. “Okay,” I said, closing the cabinet and turning from it.
“Edward has a game so the boys won’t be home. I have a flight to catch tonight and will be
gone for the weekend on business.”
I nodded. “Are you sure you don’t want me to make you something to eat before you
leave?” I asked. He smiled.
“I’m positive. You just relax for the night, make some popcorn and watch a movie or
something.”
I looked at him with shock, taken back by his suggestion, but just nodded. He reached his
hand out to me and I flinched away, but it didn’t stop him from grasping my shoulder. He
squeezed lightly and smiled. “I have to go pack and head out. You have a good weekend,
Isabella.”
“You too, sir. Thank you,” I said. He nodded and turned to exit the room.
I hesitated briefly before heading up to my bedroom. I drew a bubble bath and stripped,
climbing into it. I must’ve fallen asleep, because my eyes popped open suddenly and a chill
shot through me from the freezing cold water. I shivered and climbed out, noticing my
body was completely pruned up. I dried off and threw on some clothes before heading
downstairs.
It was getting dark out already, the sun setting. I glanced at the clock, shocked that it was
already 8pm. The house was dark and quiet. I went into the kitchen and made myself a
quick sandwich, eating it before heading back upstairs. I grabbed the remote off of one of
the mahogany tables in my room and attempted to turn the TV on, but I couldn’t get it past
a blue screen. I gave up after a few minutes, resigned to the fact that I’d have to ask
someone how to operate it.
I wandered the house for a few minutes, hesitating and contemplating. I ended up in the
library and found some plain white paper and pencils in a desk. I grabbed some and went
back to my bedroom, lying down on my bed and doodling. I may be uneducated but that
didn’t mean I lacked all talent. I was good at drawing, even with very little practice. It came
natural to me. It was one of the things that kept me sane at Charles’s. I’d sneak paper and
pencils, but afterwards would have to destroy all evidence of my drawing to stay out of
trouble. I usually folded them up and stuck them in my pocket, burning them to ash the
first chance I got.
I sketched out a picture of my mothers face, feeling slightly homesick. It was utterly
ridiculous, to long to be back in the place I was so badly brutalized, but I really missed my
mom. I had no pictures of her and was desperately afraid I was going to forget what she
looked like, that her memory was going to start fading. I missed her company already,
missed having someone to talk to, someone who could understand and sympathize. They
treat me nicely here, but I’d never felt so alone in my life. It was depressing.
Some time later I heard footsteps on the stairs. I froze as they paused outside my door. My
heart started racing, the silence deafening. I was waiting for them to move again or knock
or something. Knowing they were just standing there was making me anxious. I felt like an
eternity, but eventually I heard their footsteps again and the door across the hall open and
close. Music came on almost immediately. I glanced at the clock. It was almost 11:30pm.
I eventually drifted off to sleep. I woke up the next morning and slowly made my way
downstairs for something to drink, nearly running straight into Jasper as he came out of
the kitchen. I asked him if I could do anything for him and he informed me that he’d be in
and out all weekend and that Emmett was gone to his girlfriends for the day. Edward was
apparently grounded for some reason, according to Jasper, so unless he needed something
I pretty much was on my own. I smiled and thanked him, but inside I was devastated at the
thought of having nothing to do.
Before Jasper left to go to his girlfriends, he came up to my room to show me how to work
the TV. He didn’t look at me like I was an idiot or treat me as if I were stupid, which I was
grateful for. Jasper truly was a nice person, as far as I could tell. I tried to follow his
instructions but ended up messing it up all over again and we both laughed, but he didn’t
do it in a mocking way. I appreciated it. While he was helping me I heard the door across
the hall slam loudly, so hard it vibrated my walls. Jasper sighed and shook his head but
otherwise didn’t comment.
I stayed in my room pretty much all day, flipping through channels and glued to the TV
with amazement. I didn’t see Edward at all, but I could hear him and was hyper-aware of
his proximity to me.
At around 11:30 that evening, my stomach growled. I hadn’t eaten anything all day so I
pulled myself up from the bed and headed downstairs quietly. I heard the TV on when I hit
the foyer and saw the soft glow from the living area. I took a few steps in that direction and
spotted Jasper sitting on the couch. He looked up at me and smiled.
“Have a seat,” he said, patting the cushion beside him. I looked at him with disbelief, a little
stunned that he was inviting me to join him.
“Let me grab something to eat first,” I said hesitantly. “Would you like something?”
He nodded. “As long as you’re making yourself a sandwich, you can make me one too.”
I smiled and headed into the kitchen, throwing together two ham and cheese sandwiches
quickly. I put them on plates and grabbed paper towels, heading back into the living area. I
sat down on the couch beside Jasper and we ate, watching TV. He was watching some
comedy program and before long we were both laughing. The front door opened eventually
as Emmett arrived home from his girlfriend’s house. He headed straight for the kitchen
and a few minutes later emerged with a bowl of cereal. He smiled at me and sat down in a
chair across the room.
“Leave it to Jasper to get her to finally fucking hang out and laugh,” Emmett said after a
few minutes. I blushed and they both laughed. It was quite relaxed and I felt welcome, it
was startling.
After a while the velvety voice registered with my ears and I froze mid-laugh. I glanced up
and saw Edward standing a few feet away from us. I hadn’t even heard him approaching. I
tensed up immediately, suddenly self-conscious and hyper-aware of everything again. He
sat down on the arm of the couch beside Jasper and was laughing, joking around with his
brothers. They were talking about his football game, which he’d apparently won. I sat there
for a few minutes before it got to be too much for me. I stood up and said a quick good
night, leaving the room without giving any of them any time to really register what I was
doing and respond.
*****
Scopata = Fuck
Chapter 11 Boys Will be Boys
“Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter if only we could prevent
girls from being girls.” -- Anne Frank
She was avoiding me, I was certain of it now. When she declined eating dinner with us that
first night, I chalked it up to her needing to adjust to life here. She continued to decline
dinner with us and I figured maybe she just needed to get comfortable being around us,
that maybe she was just shy when it came to eating. It was stupid but I knew some girls
were like that, all self-conscious and afraid to eat in front of guys. Whatever, I figured she
was just like them and preferred to eat alone. Hell, I even though maybe it was just the
simple fact that we were males that made her stick to herself.
But then I caught her eating in front of my brothers. I heard her laughing with them; saw
her hanging out with them. She even seemed slightly more relaxed around my father, who
paid over half a million dollars to own her for Christ sakes. But she refused to even look at
me or be in the same room as me. I couldn’t figure it out, was I that fucking bad? I knew I
had a foul mouth and could be rash but I’d gone out of my way to be nice to her, could she
not see that? What was her problem with me?
If I entered the room she was in, she’d leave. She’d practically sprint away before I could
even fucking say hello. She hid out in her room, out of sight most of the time when I was
home. It didn’t make any fucking sense. I mean, had I said something or done something?
She’d been fucking fine at the grocery store, seemed so relaxed and almost happy. She’d
smiled at me and even fucking laughed. But it seemed like every since we got home, she’s
been playing some backward twisted game of hide and seek, where she hid and hoped like
hell I didn’t try to seek her out.
The day of my football game, which was almost two weeks ago now, I’d come home slightly
depressed. I was stoked that we’d won but the fact that everyone was out partying, getting
drunk and high and getting laid while I was grounded to the house had me down. And I
knew damn well dad would be checking the security cameras to make sure my ass came
home as punishment for the hospital incident. I knew Isabella was in her room and I
contemplated knocking on her door, just wanting some damn company so I didn’t lose my
mind, but decided against it. I didn’t want to invade her space or anything. Her room was
hers. It was the only thing she could truly call her space and I would be a jackass to breech
that and practically force her to invite me to hang out. Because I knew if I asked,
she wouldn’t tell me no. That’s how she was trained, that much was clear. Whether or not
she wanted my company, she’d endure it because she’d feel like she had to. And I didn’t
want her to have to do that shit. I figured she’d open up and hang out whenever she was
ready to.
But then the next fucking afternoon I hear her and Jasper in her room, laughing. He was in
her space and she was fucking happy about it. It was irrational of me but I felt this odd
surge of anger about it. I should’ve been glad that the poor girl seemed happy about
something, as she obviously has had a hard life, but I couldn’t be. I was pissed about it,
pissed because it wasn’t me. And that was ridiculous but I couldn’t help it.
And then she avoids me all day and I’m bored stiff. I take a long nap because there’s
nothing else to do, and when I wake up and head downstairs I find her laughing and
hanging out with my brothers. The moment she sees me she gets all uncomfortable and
leaves.
The past two weeks haven’t been much better. She evades me, has barely spoken five words
to me and I doubt even looked me in the eye at all. It was starting to piss me off, because I
was starting to feel tense in my own house. I was trying to wait it out, hoping if I used a
little patience she’d relax, but it wasn’t working. I finally hit my breaking point when Jasper
just fucking knocked on my door after leaving Isabella’s room and asked me for my laundry
so Isabella could do it tomorrow. My brother was playing the role of messenger. She was
using a fucking middleman to avoid interacting with me at all.
I needed to know why, and we needed to fix whatever it was, because we couldn’t keep this
shit up. Usually I’d be happy not to have to deal with people, but something about this girl
got under my skin. I couldn’t just let it go.
I lay on my bed for a while, unable to sleep. The entire situation was fucking with my mind
and had been since the moment I laid eyes on her in the kitchen. I was in a bad mood and
everyone could tell. I knew my teammates were pissed, because I was taking my aggression
out on them during practice. What I really wanted was to just hit someone, anyone, just
draw some fucking blood. But I couldn’t, because my car likely wouldn’t survive another
round of punishment so close to the last one.
And it wasn’t helping matters that I hadn’t gotten off in over two weeks, unless you count
that aggressive jack off session in the shower the other day that was more about releasing
some frustration than getting pleasure. It wasn’t from lack of trying, though. I was having
performance issues and that was pissing me off further.
I hauled myself up in bed and glanced at the clock. It was only a little after 9pm. I got up
and sighed, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. I walked over and opened
my door, stepping out into the hallway. I listened intently and faintly heard the TV on in
Isabella’s room. I hesitated, contemplating if this was a good idea or not, but finally said to
hell with it. I wasn’t going to get any sleep until I got this shit sorted out, so I lifted my
hand and knocked.
I didn’t hear any movement inside the room after a moment, so I knocked again, this time
slightly louder. When there was no movement again, I started getting aggravated. Was she
seriously going to sit in there and avoid me, hope I went away?
I knocked one more time, pausing. When there wasn’t any movement again I said fuck it
and turned the knob.
I actually expected the door to be locked, so I was surprised when the knob turned
smoothly and the door opened. I pushed it open slowly and peeked inside, freezing
instantly.
Isabella was lying sideways across her bed, on her stomach. She had on a pair of black
shorts, which were entirely too short, and a black tank top. It was startling how much skin
she was showing, as I’d never seen so much of her before, and I groaned softly to myself in
frustration as my dick hardened. Now it wanted to cooperate with me.
She was sleeping. Her eyes were closed and I could see the rise and fall of her body as she
breathed. There was a small smile on her lips and I wondered immediately what she could
be dreaming of to make her look so content. I tried to push that thought away quickly, as it
was fucking ridiculous for me to give a shit about what someone was dreaming. The
girl wouldn’t even come near me, why did I care?
The black clothes made her skin appear paler than it was. She looked so fragile, like a
porcelain doll almost. I hesitated, sighing, before closing the door softly behind me. I took a
few quiet steps toward her, pausing beside her bed.
The marks on her skin that she came here with were finally gone, but I could clearly see her
pale skin was covered in small scars. There were so many of them that it was obvious she’d
been beaten routinely for God knows how long.
I noticed she was lying slightly on top of a white piece of paper. My brow furrowed in
confusion, wondering what it could be. I already felt horrible enough, being in her space
like this without her permission, but my curiosity was peeked. I reached down and grabbed
a hold of it, slowly pulling on it. She shifted her body, rolling over onto her back when she
felt the movement of the paper. I froze, wide-eyed, waiting for her to open up her eyes and
catch me. Last thing I fucking needed was to be caught standing in her room staring at her.
Not only would it scare her, but also Dad would have my ass for it.
She stayed asleep though and I inhaled deeply at the sight of her. Her shirt was so low cut
that I could see the tops of her breasts and bra. I diverted my eyes quickly, feeling like a
fucking pervert, and my gaze fell to her stomach. Her shirt was pulled up some, exposing
her belly button. I felt the hard-on in my pants growing even more and groaned.
I looked away from her quickly and grabbed the paper beside her. I picked it up and turned
it over, my eyes widening.
It was a drawing. Not some fucking doodle or stick figure shit that I’d create, either. It was
good. I stared at it in shock, completely stunned that she was so fucking talented. I mean,
who knew the girl who couldn’t write her name was an artist? It was a picture of a woman;
I’d guess her to be maybe middle aged. I recognized some of her features as also belonging
to Isabella, as that’s how good the drawing was, and realized that it must be her mother.
And I instantly felt bad. I’m mad at her and was on the verge of cursing her out for making
me feel uncomfortable, when the girl locks herself in her room to draw pictures of her
mom. She was still a kid and thrust into this house with a bunch of people she doesn’t
know, obviously missing her mother. Me, of all people, knows what it feels like to wallow in
the sadness of losing a mom. Was that the fucking problem, that I hadn’t been
sympathetic?
I sighed and lay the picture back down beside her. I glanced down at her face and noticed
her smile had grown. I smiled involuntarily at the sight of her looking so happy, feeling like
a jackass for being so selfish and getting upset that Jasper made her laugh. What the hell
had gotten into me?
I reached out and brushed a few strands of wayward hair from her face, freezing
afterwards. I hadn’t realized what I was doing. I sighed and turned, needing to get the hell
out of the room before I did something stupid to wake her up.
I headed for the door, shaking my head at my stupidity, when her innocent breathy voice
hit my ears.
“Edward,” she said softly. I froze mid-step, my dick hardening even more at the sound of
my name coming from her lips. It was the first time I’d ever heard her say it and it sent the
blood rushing through me, a strange fucking tingling sensation in my chest. I cursed under
my breath at the fact that she fucking caught me in her room, and turned around slowly.
My brow furrowed in confusion when I saw her eyes were still closed. Her chest was rising
and falling steadily, the smile still on her lips. A strong stunning feeling shot through me
when I realized she was still asleep. She talked in her sleep, and said my name.
Was she dreaming about me?
I stared at her wide-eyed for a moment, confusion and shock ricocheting through me.
Another strong sensation boiled up and I blinked a few times, rapidly. I felt happy, hopeful.
What the fuck was I hoping for?
I tried to push that aside quickly, squelch it before I had to seriously consider what the hell
it meant. I turned and bolted out of her room quickly, as quietly as I could.
I lay down in bed, tossing and turning. I couldn’t fall asleep because I couldn’t shut my
brain off, couldn’t stop wondering what he sparked her to say my name in her sleep.
She hadn’t seemed upset, she actually looked really fucking happy, which didn’t make any
sense at all considering she wouldn’t even come near me. I mean, was she happy that she
was pissing me off, was she enjoying fucking with me?
The hard-on in my pants was throbbing and uncomfortable so after a few minutes of
shifting around, trying to ignore it, I sighed, resigned. I pulled my pants down slightly and
pulled it out, stroking it slowly. It didn’t take long before the tension built and I could feel
my release coming. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes as the pleasure rocked through
me and I exploded, hard. I couldn’t stop the loud grunt that escaped my throat and felt my
body relax immensely. I slowed my movements and sighed, finally stopping. I had it all
over the fucking hand and stomach so I climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom,
washing the sticky substance off. My eyes were heavy now with exhaustion and I flopped
back into bed, passing out almost immediately. It was exactly what I fucking needed.
I woke up the next morning earlier than usual, feeling well-rested. I climbed out of bed and
sighed as thoughts of Isabella came to me. I definitely needed to get the girl out of my
system.
I hopped in the shower and washed up, throwing some clothes on afterwards. My stitches
had come out but there was still a slight scar over my eye, which if I had to be honest made
me look a bit like a bad ass. I had a few scars, most of which had crazy stories behind them,
but I wasn’t happy that this one had come from Mike Newton.
I gathered up my dirty clothes and threw them in my hamper, opening my bedroom door. I
hesitated but sat the hamper outside of Isabella’s door. If she needed to go through Jasper
for now to deal with me, than I’d deal with it. But it wouldn’t last long, she was going to
speak to me. I was determined. I felt a bit freaked out that she was about to wash my
underwear but there was really no way around it, because I surely wouldn’t be washing
them myself considering I didn’t know the first thing about doing laundry.
I headed downstairs and grabbed a bowl of cereal, flopping down on the couch. I turned on
MTV and watched a few music videos to pass the time. My brothers joined me after a few
minutes and we sat around chatting and eating breakfast.
After a while a car horn sounded out front and Emmett hopped up, telling us it was Rose
and he’d see us later. I glanced at my watch and saw he was leaving early, which told me
they were planning to get their rocks off somewhere before school. Rose had a car fetish,
enjoyed screwing in the car.
“Una scopata veloce,” I muttered to Jasper, telling him Rose and Emmett were going to
have a quickie. Jasper laughed, shaking his head, and Emmett turned his head to glare at
me, sticking up his middle finger. I just smirked—he just confirmed it.
Jasper and I sat around and watched TV quietly for a few minutes before he sighed. “Alice
wants me to invite Isabella to the football game tomorrow night,” he said. I glanced over at
him and raised my eyebrows, slightly surprised. I knew she wasn’t used to being around
teenagers so I didn’t know how she’d take to coming to a stadium packed full of them.
“Are you going to?” I asked.
He sighed again. “I was going to, but I wanted to make sure you were okay with it first.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I dunno, you’re the one that plays and I didn’t want to throw you off your
game by bringing her.”
I shook my head. “Why would her being there throw me off my game?” I asked with
confusion. He sighed.
“I dunno, really, but it’s clear the two of you don’t get along. Being within twenty feet of
each other makes both of you tense up. I mean, hell, she’s been stressing over doing your
laundry for a few days now because she knew you needed it done but she was too damn
afraid to even ask you. I finally got tired of the shit and did it myself.”
I sighed. ”She could’ve fucking asked me, I wouldn’t have snapped at her. I don’t know
what her deal is but I haven’t done anything to her. I thought we got along fine at the
grocery store but ever since then she’s avoided me like I’m diseased or something. It’s
wearing on my nerves.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think you realize how abrasive you can come off as. You don’t
even have to say a word, just your stance and the way you look at people can be
intimidating. You’re a lot like dad in that way. Tale il padre, tale ilfiglio,” he muttered—
Like father, like son.
I sighed and nodded. There wasn’t really anything I could do about that, it was just the way
I was. It wasn’t as if I tried to be that way, it was done subconsciously. I glanced at my
watch and saw it was 7:30 and got up. “Come on, fucker, let’s get to school and get this day
over with,” I mumbled.
Jasper had his own car but wasn’t fond of driving, so he always caught a ride with someone.
We climbed into the Volvo and I flipped through my iPod, finding my classical music play
list. I listened to pretty much every type of music but I needed something to calm my
nerves today. I hadn’t been playing the piano much lately as I’ve been in somewhat of a
standstill musically and have entirely too busy to try to concentrate on it.
We arrived at school and Alice met us at the car. Jasper leaned down and kissed her quickly
as soon as he saw her. She smiled and turned to face me, raising her eyebrows. “Why the
long face?” she asked.
I shrugged. Jasper shook his head. “Him and Isabella aren’t getting along very well,” he
said. I rolled my eyes.
“It’s not that we aren’t getting along, it’s just that she fucking runs from me whenever I
come near her.”
Alice shook her head. “Isabella’s a sweet girl, if you’d relax she’d come around.”
I rolled my eyes again. “Alice you’ve spoken to her once, her first day there. She’s locked
herself in her room whenever you’ve come by since then. You aren’t exactly an expert on
the subject,” I muttered. Isabella had successfully evaded Alice also, but I had a feeling it
had more to do with the fact that Alice had only been to the house when Rose was there.
Everyone liked Alice, but everyone avoided Rose.
Alice smiled. “You always doubt me, Edward. Regardless of everything, she’s still just an
average teenage girl. We’re not that complicated to figure out if you pay attention.”
I laughed. “If you say so, short stuff. Y’all bitches are confusing.”
She rolled her eyes. “What did I say about the ‘b’ word, Edward? Geez, are you ever going to
learn?”
I shrugged and smirked, turning and walked away from her. My smile fell the moment my
back was turned. I was tense again and aggravated. I walked by Lauren, who smiled
seductively at me. I hesitated before stopping and cocking an eyebrow at her. She was
wearing a short skirt and a tight ass black shirt that showed entirely too much cleavage. I
felt the stir in my pants and smirked.
“You wanna?” I asked, not having to elaborate. I hadn’t fucked around with Lauren for a
while, trying to respect the whole Tyler thing, but I needed a release and I hadn’t been able
to keep it up with Jessica. She smiled and shrugged. “Come on,” I said, winking at her. I
turned and headed back toward the car, glancing behind me to see her following like I
knew she would.
I hopped into the driver’s seat and spotted Alice and Jasper staring at me, both frowning. I
avoided them, though, not wanting to deal with it. Lauren climbed into the passenger seat.
I started the car up and swung it in reverse, flying out of the parking lot.
“You wanna just do it in the car?” she asked. I looked at her incredulously.
“Hell no, we’re not defiling the leather seats. This baby is a ‘no fucking zone’.”
She smiled. “Your house then?”
I tensed up immediately. My house? That’s usually where I took girls when we skipped but
Isabella was there now. Could I seriously take a girl back there right now, knowing she was
there? “No, we’re not going the whole way there,” I said.
As soon as I hit an unpopulated area, I pulled over and drove slowly into the woods. As
soon as we were out of view from the road I stopped the car. “Here?” she asked, furrowing
her brow. I rolled my eyes.
“Oh don’t be picky, you want this shit as bad as me. Where doesn’t matter as much as
what,” I said. I reached over and opened the glove compartment, pulling out a condom. I
got out of the car and she shrugged, climbing out. I walked around to the front of the car
and she joined me. She leaned up to kiss me and I turned my head so her lips grazed my
cheek. She knew better than that shit, I didn’t kiss on the mouth. It was too intimate. I
haven’t kissed on the lips since I was a kid.
“You wait, one day you’ll kiss me,” she said. I smirked and shook my head, unbuttoning
and unzipping my pants while pulling my dick out. I tore the condom wrapper with my
teeth and slipped it on, almost an expert at the shit by now. I turned her around quickly so
she was facing away from me and pushed her down on the hood of the car. I pulled her
skirt up and pushed her thong down and thrust inside of her without delay. She cried out
and I groaned at the sensation.
“Don’t hold your breath waiting for that kiss,” I whispered, leaning down with my lips right
beside her ear. She shiver and I smirked. I always knew how to get her going.
I pounded into her, taking no mercy on her. Lauren was kinky and liked it rough, which
was good for me because that’s exactly what I needed. I didn’t do well with the whole taking
it slow thing. I needed in and out, not at all giving a shit about foreplay. Making love was
for people in love and that surely wasn’t me.
I felt her body tensing up, her cries growing louder. I leaned forward and sunk my teeth
into her shoulder blade and she screamed, exploding into orgasm. I licked the spot I’d
bitten and blew on it softly the moment her orgasm subsided and her body exploded again
instantly, her knees buckling as she screamed my name. I grabbed her hips to hold her up
and felt my own release coming. I gritted my teeth and grunted as I came.
I pulled out of her immediately, pulling the condom off and throwing it on the ground.
Lauren laid her head on the hood of my car, peeking around to watch me. “That’s littering,”
she said, pointing at the condom on the ground. I shook my head, shrugging.
“That’s indecent exposure,” I said, reaching over and slapping her still exposed ass. She
yelped and stood up, giggling while she pulled her skirt back down. I zipped and buttoned
my pants back up and glanced at my watch. “Come on, we’ll make it in time for second
period.”
She pouted at the mention of going back to school but didn’t say anything. We got into the
car and drove back to Forks High. I parked and we climbed out just as the bell for the end
of first period sounded.
I walked up behind Lauren and ran my hand up her thigh, grazing it across her soaked
thong. “Thanks babe,” I said softly, whispering in her ear. She shivered again and I
chuckled, pulling my hand away and heading toward the building. I passed Alice and
smiled at her, but she just rolled her eyes. I laughed.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. The guys were relieved at football practice that I
seemed more relaxed. Tyler was cold toward me but I blew him off, not letting it bother me.
I imagine he must’ve found out about my morning escapade with Lauren and was upset
about it. I didn’t know what it was he thought they had, but evidently she wasn’t on the
same page as him if she’d run off with me so quickly. He couldn’t blame me for that shit,
that was his and hers problem to sort out.
I drove home after practice and went into the house in just enough time to see Isabella
heading up the stairs. I sighed and shook my head.
I washed my hands and headed into the dining area, where dinner was waiting. I flopped
down and dad did the blessing. I always found it ironic that he insisted on saying a prayer
every night at dinner. I mean, hell, I don’t think asking God to bless us or our food was
worth the breath it took to say the words, considering he murdered without remorse, but
whatever.
Dinner was fantastic, as always. Isabella was an amazing cook. Two weeks and she’d yet to
make anything I didn’t like, and I was picky as hell. Dad and my brothers were pleased
also, which was saying a lot considering I don’t think there was ever a time when one of the
other ladies cooked that one of us didn’t have to make a sandwich afterwards because we
couldn’t choke down dinner.
Halfway through the meal dad cleared him throat. “That was nice of you to invite Isabella
to the football game Friday, Jasper,” he said. Jasper nodded.
“I figured she could use some time away from here. She hasn’t actually stepped foot outside
the house since she went to the grocery store,” he said.
Dad froze, his fork midway to his mouth. I looked at Jasper incredulously. “She hasn’t gone
outside at all?!” I asked.
Jasper shook his head. “She wasn’t aware that she was allowed to. No one exactly explained
that to her. She didn’t even know she was allowed to watch the TV in her bedroom until
Dad told her to watch a movie.”
I shook my head and Dad groaned. “I should’ve known, considering where she came from,”
he muttered to himself.
“Where did she come from?” I asked out of curiosity. Dad shook his head.
“Not my story to share, that’s up to Isabella to tell you,” he said. I laughed dryly, as if she’d
tell me when she wouldn’t even fucking look at me, and turned to Jasper. He shrugged, the
expression on his face making it obvious he had no idea of the answer.
“I’ll talk to her. I’ve been planning to take her for some exams anyway, and I’d rather get it
all done before she goes out socializing at Forks High,” Dad said after a moment.
“So she’s going to the game?” I asked.
Jasper nodded. “She said yes,” he said.
I was silent for a moment. “Did she say yes because she wants to, or did she say yes because
she doesn’t think she’s allowed to say no?” I asked. I glanced around the table and saw that
none of them knew the answer to that. I sighed. “That’s what I thought.”
After dinner I headed up to my bedroom and paused in the hallway. My hamper was sitting
in front of my door, full of clean folded clothes. Isabella was standing beside it, staring
down at the ground and chewing on her bottom lip. She looked scared as shit and I felt a
jolt of sadness rip through me. She didn’t need to be so fucking nervous around me.
I sighed and started toward her. Her head shot up and she made eye contact with me for
the first time in nearly two weeks. “I, uh…” she started. I paused, waiting patiently for her
to finish. “I, uh, was going to put them away, but uh… I’m not allowed, and uh, I didn’t
know what you’d want, so uh…”
I groaned and she stopped talking immediately, looking at the ground again. “You want to
put my laundry away,” I said, more of a statement than a question. She was standing here,
forced to talk to me, because she didn’t want to appear to be neglecting her work, but it was
clear she wasn’t exactly comfortable doing so. I knew she would’ve been happy to sneak in
and put it away and sneak back out undetected, but because I’d snapped at the other
women for entering my room dad enforces the “don’t enter without permission” rule so she
couldn’t.
“Yes, sir,” she mumbled. I nodded, staring at her for a moment, conflicted. I could very
easily alleviate her discomfort and tell her I can do it myself, which I completely could. I
wasn’t that damn incompetent. Or I could tell her to go ahead and do it. It would require
her going in my room, which a disaster but she knew that already. I didn’t let people in my
room often, as I wasn’t entirely comfortable having people around my belongings. I was
odd like that; I guess I was finicky when it came to my shit but whatever. We’d both be
slightly uncomfortable but she couldn’t exactly evade me in my own fucking room. The only
time girls were invited inside was when I was getting some, and afterwards I’d let them
linger for a bit so I didn’t look like a total asshole, but the moment they started looking or
touching stuff they got kicked out.
I felt bad for her discomfort but when it came down to it, I was selfish. I wanted what I
wanted, and right now that was for her to acknowledge me.
“Fine,” I said. She looked up at me and furrowed her brow, shocked at my response. I guess
she thought I’d relieve her of the duty. I cocked an eyebrow at her.
“Okay,” she mumbled.
I pushed open my door and stepped aside, waving her in. “Well, come on in.”
Chapter 12 Understanding
No man understands a deep book until he has seen and lived at least part of its
contents -- Ezra Pound
It wasn’t working.
The past two weeks I’ve been avoiding Edward. I’ve barely looked at him or spoken to him.
I kept my distance and tried not to linger in his presence. I was hoping that staying away
from him would somehow make this uncomfortable tension between us disappear, make
these strange feelings I had whenever he was close by stop.
But like I said, it wasn’t working. The sensations were only growing, my attraction to him
only increasing. It was ridiculous and I didn’t like it one bit, but I couldn’t stop it.
I didn’t understand it at all, didn’t understand my reaction to him. I didn’t get why my
chest felt like it would burst when he spoke, why my skin got the prickly sensation when he
came near me, why I felt dizzy when I heard his laugh. I didn’t understand why I
involuntarily smiled when someone mentioned him, why I was constantly aware of where
he was, why my heart started pounding so hard when I heard his car pulling up in front of
the house. It didn’t make sense that he was always on my mind, and that thoughts of him
made tingling shoot through me, causing parts of me awaken that had always been
dormant, giving me feelings and desires I’d never felt before. He made me nervous and
anxious, made me feel like a million butterflies were fluttering inside of me, and it didn’t
make sense because I’d only felt so queasy before out of fear. And I didn’t fear him, he
didn’t frighten me. The only thing that frightened me were the feelings he inspired inside of
me, because I had no idea what they all meant.
I barely even knew him. In fact, I’d made a point to not get to know him. But none of it
worked or made a difference, because the feelings came anyway. I couldn’t even escape
them in my sleep, as he started creeping into my dreams. I constantly saw his face, heard
his laughter and voice.
I didn’t know what to do anymore. I evaded him so much I didn’t even know how to stop.
He had to have known by now, had to have figured it out. I wasn’t exactly sneaky about it
and I knew Jasper was aware of the fact that I avoided his brother, so I realized Edward
had to have noticed. But I had no way of explaining it, no way to make him understand
why.
The worst part was that I had no one to talk to about it, no one to help me understand or to
give me advice. The past two weeks I’ve gotten to know the other Cullen boys as well as to
be expected, and Dr. Cullen had been right—I’d grown to actually enjoy Jasper and
Emmett’s company. Jasper especially, as he was quite understanding and sympathetic. He
never asked me questions or pushed me for explanations on why I did the things I did or
said the things I said. He was just simply accepting and I appreciated it. I could easily tell
why him and that girl Alice dated, as they seemed to have personalities that complimented
each other.
Speaking of Alice, she’d been to the house a few times over the weeks but I avoided her. I
liked her, but I didn’t know how to act around her. She’d hugged me and said we’d be
friends and that was just so strange to me, unexpected. She hadn’t been here without
coming with Emmett’s girlfriend Rosalie, and I was doing whatever I could to stay away
from her. Both Edward and Dr. Cullen had pretty much informed me that she wasn’t nice
and I didn’t need a confrontation. I was afraid of her and had yet to even speak to her.
Last night Jasper had come into my room to drop off a package that Alice had given him for
me. It wasn’t the first time, as she’d sent packages with him a few times over the past two
weeks. He said they were things she forgot to get, such as lotions and a robe and a brush. I
was grateful for it all but it was so overwhelming. It didn’t feel like it was worth it for them
to be spending so much money on me. He came inside and sat down on my couch and had
asked me if I’d done Edwards laundry yet. I’d mentioned in passing that I needed to see if
Edward needed laundry done, as I’d done everyone else’s at least twice already and had yet
to wash a single article of clothing from Edward. I told him no, I hadn’t asked him yet and
Jasper nodded. He sat quietly for a few moments before he sighed and asked me if Edward
had done anything to me.
The question had caught me off guard and I assured Jasper that Edward hadn’t harmed me
in any manner, but he didn’t seem to buy it. When he left I heard him knock on Edwards’s
door and that scared me a bit.
I fell asleep last night, clutching the drawing of my mom I had done. I really wished she
were around, that I could talk to her. She’d be able to help me understand the feelings I
were having, even if she’d never experienced them herself. My mom always had a way of
making me feel better, even if she didn’t have a solution to my problems. I dreamt of
Edward again and woke up with that prickly feeling dancing across my skin.
When I got up and opened my door, I froze in spot. Edward’s laundry was sitting in the
hallway. I realized that’s why Jasper had gone to Edward’s room last night and felt horrible
instantly. They were entirely too nice to me here and I was just waiting for it all to come
crashing down, and me neglecting the small amount of work I did have was a sure way to
create that downfall. It was completely wrong for Jasper to have to intervene for me to do
my work; I couldn’t let that happen anymore. I couldn’t let my childish feelings cloud my
better judgment. I needed to stay on my game.
I spent the day cleaning as usual and did Edward’s laundry, taking extra care with it
because I knew he was picky about things. I took it upstairs and sat it in the hallway outside
of his bedroom, unsure of what to do with it. I always put everyone else’s laundry away, as
they’d all given me permission to enter their room for that reason, but the subject had
never been addressed with Edward and there was no way I was just going to walk in.
The day went by fast. Dr. Cullen arrived home and I was putting the food on the table when
Jasper walked in the room.
“Isabella?” he said. I glanced up at him and smiled.
“Yes, Jasper?” I asked. Jasper had made me swear not to call him sir anymore.
“Do you want to go to Edward’s football game with us tomorrow night?” he asked.
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him with disbelief. He was inviting me to go out
with them somewhere socially? I stared at him for a moment before glancing over at Dr.
Cullen. He was watching me with interest and smiled, nodding. I wasn’t sure if that meant I
was allowed to say yes if I wanted to, or if he was telling me I was supposed to say yes, but
regardless I knew I couldn’t say no. It wouldn’t be right.
“Yes,” I said softly. Jasper smiled and nodded. I finished putting the food out, suddenly
completely nervous, and headed for the stairs quickly. I heard Edward’s car pull up outside
and the front door open. I could sense his gaze on me as I hit the second floor but I didn’t
dare turn around and look.
I waited in my room until I heard Edward start up the stairs from the second floor. I took a
deep breath to prepare myself and stepped out into the hallway. I had to at least offer to
finish his laundry, since I hadn’t been brave enough to ask for it to begin with.
I looked up when he reached the floor and our eyes met. It was the first time I’d looked into
them in nearly two weeks and they were just as stunning as I remembered them being. He
paused in front of me and I started stammering, my words not really making much sense
because I was so nervous. It was the first time I’d addressed him in a while. He figured out
what I wanted and I expected him to wave me off, but he didn’t. I was shocked when he
instead opened up the door to his room and motioned for me to go inside.
I felt sick, the butterflies twirling around inside of me. I took a few steps into his room,
pausing right inside the door. Edward grabbed his hamper and pulled it inside, sitting it
right beside the door. He was standing right behind me, so close that my skin was tingling.
I could smell him and it was intoxicating, completely clouding my thoughts. I inhaled
sharply when I heard the click of the door behind us, shutting us in the room together.
I tried to push the nervousness aside, ignore the fact that his proximity and smell was
making me light-headed, as I was determined to get this done quickly. I swung around to
face the hamper and my vision hazed over from the abrupt movement. I nearly lost my
balance but Edward grabbed a hold of me quickly, keeping me upright. Electricity shot
through me at his touch and I gasped. I instinctively tried to pull from his touch, flinching
at the unexpected contact, and Edward let go of me.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. He looked genuinely concerned for me, and
it made me feel even worse about the entire situation. It wasn’t his fault I was having such
ridiculous and immature feelings and it was wrong of me to take it out on him.
“Yes, sir,” I said softly, taking a deep breath. I turned from him and walked over to his
hamper, starting to pull out his clothes. He had a lot of them, as he hadn’t had laundry
done in quite a while.
Edward brushed past me and walked over to a desk sitting across the room. He pulled the
chair out and sat down in it, slouching down. Edward had horrible posture. I tried to keep
from looking at him but I could sense his eyes on me. It was making me even more nervous
and my hands were shaking. I didn’t want to mess up or do anything to upset him.
It was quiet for a moment before he sighed. “Can I ask you something?” he asked.
I hesitated. “Of course, sir,” I said after a moment.
He didn’t say anything at first, just sat watching me. It finally got to be too much and I
stopped what I was doing, glancing in his direction. He smirked when I looked at him but
didn’t speak.
“Did you have a question, sir?” I asked.
He nodded. “I actually have a few. You don’t mind, do you?”
I shook my head. “You can ask me anything, sir.” I regretted the words the minute I spoke
them, dreading him asking me something embarrassing. I turned from him and started
hanging more clothes up, waiting for him to start his questions.
“What’s your full name?” he asked.
“Isabella Marie Swan,” I said, slightly surprised by his question.
“Where were you born?”
I sighed. “Phoenix, Arizona.”
“I bet it’s not easy adjusting to the dreary weather here when you come from such a hot dry
place.”
I smiled lightly. “Yes, it takes some getting used to.” I glanced over and saw him nod.
“Did you live there your whole life?”
I nodded. “Up until two weeks ago, yes.”
“Do you miss it?” I froze, slightly stunned by his question. I didn’t know how to answer it.
Am I supposed to say no because saying yes would be rude? Would he be offended if I said
yes? Could I really say I missed Phoenix, without explaining everything to him so he’d
understand it was nothing against them or nothing positive about Charles, but that it was
about my feelings? “The truth,” he said, reading my expression.
“Depends on what you mean by ‘it’,” I said hesitantly. I glanced over to gauge his reaction
and saw him eyeing me with interest.
“Explain it to me,” he said. I closed my eyes and sighed.
“I don’t miss my owners,” I said. No one else had asked me to talk about this and I didn’t
feel very comfortable, hashing it out for the first time with the one person who I tensed up
around as it was.
“They beat you,” he said, his tone telling me it was a statement and not a question. I looked
over and saw he was frowning and looked angry. I nodded.
“Yes, sir, that’s correct.”
“So how can you miss any of it, then? You obviously didn’t have a good life there if you
were abused.”
I sighed, unsure of how to explain it to him. “There are different degrees of good,” I said
hesitantly. “I may have had it rough there because I was physically abused, but what I did
have was a support system, people who endured what I endured and understood the life I
had. In that sense, I did have a good life in Phoenix.”
I glanced over at him and saw his eyes were narrowed slightly. He didn’t look mad at what
I’d said, more like he was contemplating something.
“And what about life here? Is it a different degree of good?”
I nodded. “Of course. I have food to eat and clothes to wear and my masters treat me
humanely. The people in my world strive for this type of life, one where you don’t have to
live in constant fear of paying for other peoples mistakes with your life.”
“And in Phoenix you did? Fear that you’d be killed for no reason?” he asked. I glanced at
him and saw he looked genuinely interested.
“There’s always a reason, sir. Just not always one that you created.” It was odd how easy it
was, saying these things to him. The nervousness was still there, my heart was still racing,
but I wasn’t entirely uncomfortable. Talking to him came more naturally than I thought it
would, and I felt ridiculous for my recent behavior. I’d only made things worse.
“That’s why you asked me not to punish you when I spilled my orange juice. You’re used to
being blamed for everything, even if you it wasn’t your fault.”
I nodded. “That was my fault, though, sir. I frightened you and I shouldn’t have.”
He scoffed. “You can’t blame yourself for that. I was being a pussy.”
“So I wasn’t the only one acting like a cat in that situation?” I said instantly, not even giving
myself time to think about what I was saying. He had yelled at me and told me I needed a
bell because I was worse than a cat.
He laughed loudly. “Figlio di a femmina, did you just crack a joke?” I smiled at the sound of
his laughter. It was so carefree and melodic. I had no idea what the first part of his sentence
meant, but a part of me acknowledged the fact that I probably didn’t want to know.
“Can I ask you another serious question?” he asked after a moment.
“Of course.”
“Do you fear for your life here?” he asked, his voice low and demanding. I glanced up and
saw his expression matched his tone. It was almost frightening how he shifted from
laughing to looking strict so quickly.
I hesitated, but decided to tell the truth. I’d yet to lie to him and I didn’t want to start now.
“I always fear for my life, it would be stupid of me not to. Just because you won’t punish me
for someone else’s mistakes doesn’t mean I won’t someday pay for my own. No one is
perfect, I’m bound to do or say something wrong at some point, and I’m well aware of the
potential consequences. My life doesn’t belong to me, it never has. Right now it belongs to
you and your family and it’s yours to take away as you see fit.”
He didn’t respond and I didn’t look at him. I continued putting away his clothes in silence,
unsure of his feelings about what I’d said. He cleared his throat after a moment and I
tensed up slightly out of instinct.
“What’s your favorite color?” he asked suddenly.
“Green,” I said immediately, not even thinking about it. I felt the blush creep up into my
cheeks and turned my head so he couldn’t see it. I know it came out because it was the
color of his eyes and I didn’t want to have to explain that.
I finished his clothes quickly and sat the hamper aside. I regained my composure and the
blush left so I turned back to him. He was staring at me intensely, his expression
unreadable.
“Do you need anything else?” I asked.
He nodded. I stood there and stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate but
he didn’t.
“What do you need?” I asked finally, unable to take the tension building in the room.
“I need to know why you hate me.”
My eyes widened and I blinked a few times, confused. He thought I hated him? “What do
you mean?”
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. It was sticking up all over the place and he
was just making it worse. “I mean, you fucking run from me, you won’t look at me or talk to
me. The only reason you’re doing it now is because you don’t think you have any other
choice because you have to put my laundry away. I mean, fuck, I could do that shit myself
but the only way I can get you to stay in the same goddamn room with me is to give you
work to do. You have no problem hanging out with my brothers so why the fucking
problem with me? Am I that fucking horrible?”
I just stared at him in shock as he rambled it all out in frustration. I was slightly stunned
and couldn’t get my lips to move to form words.
“And Christ, now I’m sitting here yelling at you again and cursing, like that’s going to
fucking fix anything,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Is that what’s wrong? Is it my
temper? Do I scare you?” I shook my head hesitantly. He groaned. “Then what?”
I sighed. “I don’t hate you. I just…” I started, unsure of how to explain it.
“Just what?” he asked.
“I just don’t understand you,” I said softly. He sighed and opened his mouth to respond but
was cut off by his phone ringing. He groaned loudly and picked it up, glancing at it. He
looked up at me and sighed.
“Have a good night, sir,” I said, turning and heading for the door.
“Isabella,” he called out, his phone still ringing. I turned my head to look at him. He was
frowning. “I think you’ll find that we’re a lot more alike than you think, if you give us the
chance to even get to know each other.”
He turned his back to me and answered his phone with a low “what’s up”. I opened up the
door and headed out quickly, shutting it softly behind me.
I went into my room and shut the door, heading straight for the bathroom. I took a long hot
shower to relax myself. The conversation with Edward felt kind of surreal and I was trying
to sort it all out in my head.
After my shower I threw on a pair of the pajama short sets that Alice got me. They were
quickly becoming my favorite things. I lay down in bed but couldn’t seem to shut my brain
off, so I grabbed paper and pencil and started drawing.
I drew Edward. His face was etched in my memory, every last detail of it. The exact shape
of his jaw, the curve of his lips, the arch of his eyebrows, the angle of his nose. I
remembered every single detail of his eyes, every fleck of gold inside of them, the way the
emerald green sparkled. His chaotic hair, the way it sometimes dipped into his eyes. He
had some light freckles on his nose and the top of his cheeks from the sun, and a small scar
on the right side of his bottom lip that were all barely visible unless you really looked.
After it was finished, I held it up and looked at it. It was decent, but something was off
about it. Maybe it was the fact that there was no color to his eyes, or maybe he just had the
type of gorgeousness that couldn’t be translated onto paper. Whatever it was, it didn’t feel
right and it frustrated me. I balled the drawing up quickly and tossed it across the room
toward the trashcan. My aim sucked and it landed on the floor near the door, but I just
groaned and said the heck with it. I lay there for a while longer before drifting off to sleep. I
found I was comforted by sleeping with the light on, I didn’t feel as alone.
I woke up in the morning and climbed out of bed. I threw on a pair of jeans and a pink t-
shirt before heading downstairs. I froze halfway down the stairs when I heard the TV
playing in the living area. It was after 8am and everyone should’ve been gone by now.
I quietly made my way to the foyer, walking slowly toward the living area. Dr. Cullen was
sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the table in front of him, a laptop on his
lap. He was dressed slightly more casual than usual but it was still dressy to my standards.
He was wearing a pair of reading glasses, which sort of startled me, as I hadn’t ever seen
them before. He glanced up at me and smiled as I approached.
“Good morning,” he said warmly. Dr. Cullen and I didn’t have much interaction, as he was
always very busy, but the times we did we got along.
“Good morning to you too, Master Cullen,” I mumbled, slightly confused by why he was
home. In two weeks he’d never had a day where he just stayed home.
He smiled. “Calling me master is completely unnecessary. I know in your eyes that is

technically what I am but I’d rather you not address me that way. It makes me feel as if you
place me on the same level as your father and I like to think of myself as a better man than
that.”
I nodded. “Sorry, sir.”
“No need to apologize. You can just call me Carlisle, or if you’re uncomfortable with that
Dr. Cullen will work.”
“Okay,” I said, slightly shocked he’d request me to call him by his first name. “And you are
a better man than my father, sir,” I added quickly, not wanting him to think I thought badly
of him. He’d been kind to me.
He smiled. “Thank you. Only the truly egotistically would enjoy being called Master by an
innocent 16-year old girl. And I have to include my son Edward in that, but for other
reasons. He’d probably enjoy it immensely in the typical teenage boy way. They’re quite
hormonal at his age,” he said playfully. I smiled, nodding.
“Can I get something for you, sir?” I asked. He shook his head.
“I was actually waiting for you to get up, as we have plans. I’ve been putting it off but we
need to get your exams done today.”
My eyes widened in fear. I hadn’t forgotten him telling me back in Phoenix that I’d be
having exams done, but I was slightly apprehensive about what it meant. Part of me had
hoped he’d changed his mind.
“Don’t worry, it won’t be unbearable and they won’t take very long,” he said. I nodded,
sighing. Dr. Cullen closed his laptop and sat it beside him on the couch. He stood up and
stretched his back. He headed for the door and I followed him. He motioned for me to go
outside while he hit some buttons on the keypad and walked out, locking the door behind
him. He opened the door to his black car for me and I slipped into the passenger seat. He
climbed in and started the car up.
He drove in silence. The ride felt like it took forever but in actuality it was only slightly over
an hour. He pulled up in front of a large building and I could read the word “Clinic” on the
side of it. He parked the car and turned to me, smiling softly.
“This is the town of Port Angeles. I have a friend here who is well aware of the situation and
who will use the utmost discretion. I could easily do all of this myself, but I imagine you’d
feel more comfortable if I didn’t.”
“What will they be doing?” I asked hesitantly. He sighed.
“A basic physical to begin with, some blood work to make sure you’re healthy. He’ll also be
doing a pap smear, do you know what one of those is?”
I shook my head. “No, sir.” He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. I suddenly got
scared, knowing it couldn’t be good if he were frustrated about it.
“He’s going to swab between your legs and run some tests, which is why you’d be
uncomfortable with me doing it. I’m going to be putting you on birth control so it’s
necessary.”
“Birth control?!” I nearly yelled, my hands flying up to cover my mouth instantly, shocked
at my own behavior. He didn’t get mad at my outburst, thankfully.
“I’m not insinuating anything, Isabella. Your virginity is yours to do with as you wish, no
one will ever take that freedom from you. I believe rape and sexual assault is the most
vicious crime there is and don’t condone it at all, and if anyone ever takes advantage of you
in that way rest assured they’ll face consequences. I mean that. But I don’t take chances
and one thing I can’t risk is an unplanned unwanted pregnancy. It’s always better safe than
sorry, so I need to be ensured that if you do end up engaging in sexual activity with anyone
it won’t result in a child being born. Do you understand?”
I stared at him with shock. “Okay,” I said, stunned and not knowing how else to respond.
He nodded and opened his door, stepping out. He walked over to my side and opened my
door, ushering me out. I followed him inside the building, my body slightly trembling, as I
was nervous and afraid.
We headed straight back to a room with a brown cushioned table in it. A moment later an
older man with gray hair walked in, closing the door behind him. He greeted Dr. Cullen
warmly and smiled at me.
“I’m surprised to see you again so soon, Carlisle. I’m assuming it didn’t work out last
time?” he asked, immediately opening a drawer and pulling stuff out. Dr. Cullen laughed
bitterly.
“Not at all, it was an utter disaster. I’m quite positive I’ve found a winner this time
thought,” he said, glancing at me with a smile. I realized immediately that they were talking
about another slave, apparently whomever he’d had before me. I instantly wondered what
happened to her but pushed the thought aside quickly, knowing I honestly didn’t want to
know the answer.
The man nodded. “Good. We can go ahead and get started. I’ll draw the blood first and
personally run it down to the lab. While there you can take her vitals and statistics and get
her ready for the pap.”
Dr. Cullen nodded, turning to me. “Have a seat,” he said, patting the large brown cushioned
table. I climbed up on it nervously, my legs not reaching the ground. The other man
approached me and grabbed my arm, tying something around my arm. He handed me a
rubber ball and told me to squeeze. I obliged and winced as he stuck a needle in my arm
without much warning.
I sat there still for a few minutes while he filled up a few vials with blood. He undid the tie
and released the needle from my arm, placing a band-aid over it. He left the room with the
blood without saying anything.
Dr. Cullen wheeled a little machine over and wrapped something around my arm. He
pressed a button on the machine and the thing around my arm started to inflate until it was
tight and slight uncomfortable. It finally released and the machine beeped. He placed
something on my finger and held it there for a moment until the machine beeped again. He
finally grabbed a thermometer and told me to stick it under my tongue. I held it there for a
moment until the machine beeped again and he took it back.
He motioned for me to stand up and I did. I followed him across the room and stepped
onto a scale. He moved the dial until he located my weight and he sighed.
“You’re skinny, you should eat more,” he mumbled. I smiled at his tone. He whipped up a
metal ruler quickly, so quick it startled me and I flinched. He slowed his movements on
purpose after that, which made me feel bad.
After that was done he had me step off and sighed. “You’re going to have to take off all of
your clothes. There’s a towel over there you can wrap around yourself. I won’t leave the
room but I assure you I won’t look.” I stared at him, fear coursing through me and he
sighed. “Just do it so we can get it over with. It’s going to happen, whether you’re
cooperative or not, and I’d rather it be on good terms and not from me having to physically
force you.”
I nodded hesitantly. Dr. Cullen walked over to the window and looked out. I grabbed the
towel and stripped off my clothes, holding it around me. I climbed up on the brown table,
trembling from fear. The door opened after a moment and I yelped, startled. Dr. Cullen
turned around and glanced at me quickly before turning to the other doctor.
“Are we ready?” he asked Dr. Cullen. Dr. Cullen nodded.
“Isabella, lay back and scoot your bottom to the end of the table. Place your feet in the stir-
ups, or the foot rests, whatever you want to call them. And try to relax,” he said coolly. I
obliged, despite my fear, not wanting to upset Dr. Cullen. He turned around and was facing
away from me again. “You’re going to feel something cold down there and then feel some
pressure. It’ll be uncomfortable and may be slightly painful, but it’ll be over quickly. Do you
understand?”
“Yes sir,” I said softly, closing my eyes. I felt coldness instantly and winced, softly crying
out from the slight pain and something penetrated me. It was definitely uncomfortable and
I started to feel sick. I squeezed my eyes tightly and felt a tear slip through, falling down my
nose.
“All done,” the man said, and I felt the pressure dissipate instantly. I kept my eyes closed
and jumped when I felt hands on my breasts. “I’m just checking for abnormalities,” he said.
I didn’t respond, just tensed up until I felt his hands leave me. “She appears perfect as far
as I can tell. I know you likely don’t care but she’d definitely never had any type of sexual
contact.”
I felt a hand on my head and opened my eyes. My vision was blurry from tears but I could
see Dr. Cullen beside me. He was stroking my hair softly, looking at the man. “Good. I want
the depo provera shot, and if you can bring me a cotton swap.”
The other man nodded. “DNA sample?” he asked. Dr. Cullen nodded.
The man left the room immediately and Dr. Cullen sighed. “You can get dressed,” he said.
He walked across the room and glanced out the window. I stood up, holding onto the table
as my legs were shaky, and grabbed my clothes. I dressed quickly and quietly.
The man returned after a few minutes with a needle and a cotton swab. Dr. Cullen turned
around and grabbed the swab. “Unbutton your pants for a moment,” the man said. I
obliged and he pulled them down slightly in the back. He stuck the needle into my rear end
and I yelped. The pain only lasted a second before he pulled my pants back up. “I’m all
done.”
I nodded and redid my pants. I was uncomfortable and overwhelmed and felt tears running
down my cheeks. Dr. Cullen asked me to open my mouth and I obliged, not wanting to
upset him. I knew what DNA was for the most part but had no idea why he wanted a
sample. He scraped the swap along my cheek and smiled, sealing it in a clear plastic bag.
“Can you run it for me?” he asked the man.
“Of course,” he said. Dr. Cullen handed it to him and shook the man’s hand before he
departed.
“No more poking and prodding,” Dr. Cullen said, smiling at me. He reached his hand out
and I recoiled backward, causing him to groan with irritation. It didn’t stop him, however.
His hand came up and brushed along my cheeks, wiping my tears away. “Are you hungry?
Shall we go grab some lunch?”
Figlio di a femmina = son of a bitch
Chapter 13 The Problem With People

“The problem with people is that they're only human.” -- Bill Watterson
Dr. Cullen drove across town and pulled into another parking lot. I looked up and saw the
building had a red, white and black sign but didn’t know the word written on it. Dr. Cullen
glanced over at me so I looked away from it, not wanting to be caught trying to sound it
out.
He got out and ushered me out of the car. I followed him inside the store and realized the
moment we walked in the door that it was a phone place, as there were cell phones
everywhere. A man greeted Dr. Cullen by name, welcoming him back to the Verizon store,
which I realized is what the sign had said.
I stood back while Dr. Cullen spoke to the man about a phone he’d apparently ordered and
asked that they have ready for him. The man walked away for a moment, and I stood there
quietly while Dr. Cullen pulled his own phone out and started fiddling with buttons. A few
minutes later the man returned with a package. Dr. Cullen pulled out a silver credit card
and walked to the counter to pay. After he was finished he said goodbye and we headed out.
I climbed back into the car and Dr. Cullen drove for a few minutes, pulling up in front of
what looked like a restaurant but I couldn’t read the sign. He grabbed the package from the
store we’d just left, getting out, and walked around to my side, opening my door and
ushering me out. We headed inside and were seated instantly. The waitress handed me a
menu and I just stared at the picture on the front of it, knowing Dr. Cullen was going to just
have to order for me.
He ordered two cokes and reached into his package and pulled out a light blue phone. He
flipped it open and started pressing buttons. I just sat back quietly, not wanting to disturb
him. The lady returned with our drinks and Dr. Cullen ordered two plates of Fettucini
Alfredo with Chicken. After the waitress left he looked up at me and smiled. “That’s okay,
isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Yes, sir, that’s fine.”
He nodded, turning his attention back to the phone. A few moments later he snapped it
closed and pushed it across the table toward me. I looked at him with surprise and he
smiled. “It’s yours. I can’t have you going away from the house without having a way to get
in touch with any of us, and I don’t like you being at the house all day alone without a way
to contact me in case something happens, since we don’t exactly have a house phone.”
I nodded and took the phone, picking it up hesitantly. I eyed it cautiously. “Thank you,” I
said.
He nodded. “A few ground rules we need to cover. I have my number and the boys numbers
programmed in it. You are free to get Rosalie or Alice’s numbers if you choose. You can use
the phone as much or often as you want to speak to any of them. You are allowed to make
friends, both male and female, but you’re going to need prior approval on them before you
can develop any sort of friendship. The boys will steer you away from those you shouldn’t
associate with. I must apologize for not making a few things clearer; Jasper pointed out to
me last night that you were unaware you were allowed outside of the house. As long as the
work is all done, which you’re more than capable of obviously, you are free to roam the
property. Previously the women have been fond of walking out into the woods, down by the
river. It’s quite beautiful down there. You aren’t obligated to do any work outside, as we
have landscapers, but if you choose so you can plant flowers or a garden or whatever. I
dunno if you like that stuff, but I just wanted to give you that option. You will also be going
into public, eventually alone once you get accustomed to life here, and I need you to always
be aware of how you speak and what you say. Anyone you speak to is NOT to know that you
aren’t in my home willingly. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Remember when I had you chipped in Phoenix?” he asked. I nodded. “I should’ve

explained it better then, but it’s a tiny object that was injected under your skin. I can track
your movements and keep tabs on you if I choose to do so. I can locate you anywhere I
want in the world with just a touch of a button. Because of that, it’s impossible for you to
truly escape and hide from me. I don’t suspect you’d do such a thing but it’s for precaution.
Since I have a way of always finding you, you’re allowed out on your own because I’m
assured you’ll return. I don’t fear you going to the police because you’re entirely too smart
for that, I can tell. You’re well aware the only thing involving police will do is sign your
death warrant.”
I nodded. The lady returned with our food and Dr. Cullen stopped speaking. We ate in
silence.
After lunch we went back out to the car and Dr. Cullen drove us back to his house. I did a
bit of cleaning while he sat on the couch with his laptop. About the same time Jasper and
Emmett walked in, Dr. Cullen’s phone rang. He answered it and groaned loudly, hanging
up and cursing. I looked over and saw he looked very upset.
“I have something I need to handle in Chicago,” he said. “I need to go call the hospital and
pack.”
The boys nodded and didn’t really comment on it, which made me realize surprise trips to
Chicago weren’t rare. Dr. Cullen got up and headed for the stairs, cursing under his breath
about incompetent people. I sat down in the living area with the boys and Dr. Cullen
returned with a bag after a few minutes.
“You boys watch out for Isabella tonight, alright?” They nodded and Dr. Cullen walked out,
his car starting up quickly. I sighed.
I headed upstairs and stripped, hopping into the shower. I washed my hair and cleaned
myself up, feeling a bit dirty after my exams. I got out and dried off, throwing on my robe. I
walked over and turned my TV on, lying across my bed.
I must’ve drifted off to sleep, because I sat up abruptly some time later, confused, and
heard someone pounding on my door. I glanced over and saw that it was almost 7pm.
I stood up and walked to the door, hesitantly opening it. My eyes widened in surprise when
I saw Alice. She smiled at me.
“About time you answer,” she said. She brushed past me and stepped inside my room,
heading for my closet immediately. She shifted through the clothes, pulling out a few things
I’d yet to wear because I found no reason to. She tossed them on my bed and walked over
to the dresser, pulling out some undergarments. “Put these on and meet me in the
bathroom,” she said. She headed into the bathroom and closed the door.
I knew better than to argue or disagree. I put the skimpy underwear on and the matching
bra. I pulled on the skin tight dark blue jeans and the white tank top. I pulled the tan
sweater on over top of it and headed for the bathroom. Alice smiled when I opened the
door and nodded.
“Great!” she hopped up on the counter beside the sink and motioned for me to stand
between her legs. I obliged and she grabbed the brush, starting to fiddle with my hair. She
pulled some clips out of her pocket and pulled the top of it up, letting the rest of it flow
down my back. After she was pleased with it she pulled out some makeup and started
applying it to my face. I was slightly nervous but I tried to keep calm. I barely knew Alice
but I had no choice but to trust her, given the circumstances. She finished quickly and
nodded. “You really are a beautiful girl,” she said.
I smiled. “Thank you,” I said softly. I didn’t feel like a beautiful girl but it was nice to hear
anyway, as I didn’t often receive compliments on my looks.
“You don’t have to thank me,” she said, shrugging. I stepped away and she hopped off the
counter, heading into the bedroom. I glanced up at myself in the mirror and froze. It was
obviously me but I looked… different. The makeup wasn’t heavy and the hair wasn’t fancy,
but the combination of them definitely made me feel almost pretty.
I walked into the bedroom and Alice grabbed a belt, wrapping it around my waist. She
tossed me a pair of socks and I slipped them on while she dug out a pair of tan fuzzy foots
that went up to mid-calf.
After I was completely dressed she smiled and nodded. “You’re going to blow them away,”
she said. My eyes widened in surprise, unsure of what she meant. She laughed at my
expression. “The only problem is you don’t have pierced ears. We’ll have to fix that soon.
But here,” she said, pulling a necklace out of her pocket. She slipped it around my neck and
smiled.
I fingered the necklace, eyeing it cautiously. There was a heart pendant on it that had some
sparkly stones, which I thoroughly hoped weren’t real diamonds.
“Uh, thank you Alice,” I murmured. She smiled.
“You’re welcome. I’m just glad you’re coming. Rosalie will be there and I know they told
you she can be mean, but the key to her is to be snarky. She’s a strange one. In order to get
in her good graces, you’ll have to learn to talk back.”
I looked at her with disbelief. She expected me to talk back to someone? That went against
everything I knew. She saw my expression and nodded. “You’ll see, it’ll be easier than you
think.”
Alice grabbed my hand and led me out of the room. I hesitated and grabbed the cell phone
Dr. Cullen had given me, slipping it in my back pocket. I followed behind her, taking a few
deep breaths to calm myself. We made it to the foyer and saw Jasper standing there,
waiting on us. He smiled at me and leaned over, kissing Alice on the lips. I looked away
immediately, not wanting to feel like I was barging in on or spying their intimate moment.
“You look great, Isabella,” Jasper said. I glanced at him and saw he was smiling at me. I
returned his smile.
“Thank you, Jasper.”
He nodded and opened the front door, motioning for me to exit. I did and Alice followed
behind me, followed by Jasper who punched buttons on the keypad and locked up. We
headed for a small yellow car and I climbed in the back. Jasper climbed in the passenger
seat and Alice got in to drive.
I tried to control my breathing so I didn’t hyperventilate, but I was beyond nervous. Alice
approached the high school and my eyes widened in surprise at the massive amount of
cars. It seemed like everyone in town was there. Alice parked and we climbed out. My
knees were wobbly and Alice linked her arm with mine, holding onto me. Jasper smiled
sadly at me.
“It’ll be okay,” he said. I walked with them toward the stadium. Alice didn’t let go of me at
all, constantly holding onto my arm. Jasper went to the gate and purchased three tickets
and we walked inside. There were people everywhere and I was immensely grateful for the
comfort of Alice’s grip on me, as I didn’t feel quite so out of place and alone. We followed
Jasper to the bleachers and I stared at my feet as we walked up them, not wanting to trip
and send both Alice and I tumbling down the steps. Jasper found a row halfway up, off to
the side, ad the three of us sat down.
I glanced around at the crowd. There were people of all ages present, from the elderly to
young children, but mostly it was teenagers. Some of the females were dressed startlingly
raunchy with a ton of skin exposed. It was fairly chilly out so I didn’t understand why
they’d be wearing such small clothes. They had to be freezing.
“Friday night football games are always big events around here,” Alice said softly. I turned
to her and smiled slightly, nodding to let her know I’d heard her.
An announcer came on and a band came out and started playing. Cheerleaders ran out and
started chanting something I could barely hear because the crowd started yelling, everyone
but us jumping up and making noise. Alice smiled and clapped a bit and Jasper leaned
back, lounging on the bleachers nonchalantly.
The football team ran out and I threw my hand up to cover my ears as the screams got
louder. Alice shot me a sympathetic look and leaned her head over to rest of my shoulder.
It was odd but slightly comforting in a way. She just met me but she was being so nice and
acting as if we’d known each other for years.
I dropped my hands after a moment, the crowd calming down some and people sitting back
down. I heard a familiar laughter and my head snapped in the direction it came from, my
eyes falling upon Emmett. He was walking up the steps of the bleachers toward us, his arm
draped around a stunning girl with long blonde hair. I knew immediately it was Rosalie.
She looked like she belonged on the front of a magazine and I felt fear course through me
as her gaze fell on me. She narrowed her eyes slightly, one of her eyebrows arched a bit. She
was definitely intimidating. Emmett greeted Jasper and Alice, and smiled at me.
“Hey Isabella,” he said politely. I smiled.
“Hello Emmett,” I said softly, my voice trembling slightly but hoping they couldn’t sense it.
“This is my girlfriend Rosalie,” he said, nodding his head at the blonde. I nodded.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Rosalie,” I said, trying my best to let my fear go
undetected. She just stared at me for a moment, her gaze so intense I almost started
squirming.
“Yeah,” she said simply, turning away from me and sitting down on the bleachers in front
of us. She patted the bleacher beside her and Emmett sat down immediately, appearing
oddly obedient toward her. It was a little shocking, as I figured Emmett to be a leader and
not a follower. The simple fact that he was so quick to obey her made me even more
frightened.
I diverted my attention to the field in front of us. I knew next to nothing about football and
had no idea what was happening. I watched for a few minutes, my eyes instinctively
scanning the people looking for the number 21. He wasn’t standing along the side so I
imagined he had to have been playing.
I glanced up at the players on the field but the way they were standing I couldn’t really
make out numbers at the moment. I watched as a player was bumrushed by another guy
and knocked backward onto his back roughly. I winced as both Emmett and Jasper cursed.
Rosalie snorted and Alice sighed. “Ouch,” I mumbled, knowing it had to have hurt.
“He’s fine, Edward’s a tough little shit,” Emmett said. My brow furrowed.
“That was Edward?” I asked with disbelief, glancing around at them. They all nodded. My
attention went back to the field and I saw him get up from the ground, shaking his hands
and flexing his fingers. He was shaking his head, appearing mad. He turned so his back was
toward us and I could clearly see the 21 and faintly make out his last name scrawled above
it.
“Yeah he’s the quarterback,” Jasper said. I nodded, hesitantly, having no idea what it
meant to be a quarterback. Emmett turned his head to look at me and smiled.
“You don’t know shit about football, do you? I can see it on your face.”
I smiled. “No. I mean, I’ve heard of it but have no clue what it is or what the point is or
what they’re even doing.”
Emmett laughed loudly and I looked over to see Jasper and Alice both fighting back
laughter. I blushed and dropped my head, embarrassed.
“Aw, don’t be embarrassed,” Emmett said. He then proceeded to rattle off the basics of the
game, most of which made absolutely no sense to me but I listened and tried to understand
anyway. After he was finished I sort of got the point, I gathered that they were trying to get
past the other team and get the ball over the line at the end, and were trying to stop the
other team from doing the same. I didn’t understand the whole point system but I gathered
that it was Edward’s job to get the ball to where the ball was supposed to be.
“And everyone here likes football, even the girls? I didn’t realize a game like this was so
popular,” I said, glancing around at the stands.
Rosalie snorted again and I got a bit nervous, embarrassed that I was sounding like an
idiot. She shook her head.
“Honey, most of these females here couldn’t care less about football. The only balls they
care about are the ones in Edward’s pants.” Everyone laughed and I looked at her with
surprise. She didn’t bother to turn around and look at me, but from where I was sitting I
could see a small smile on her lips.
“So they’re here because of Edward?” I asked, wanting clarification.
“A lot of them, yes. He’s a bit of an, uh… donnaiolo,” Jasper said. Emmett laughed.
“What’s that mean?” I asked, furrowing my brow in confusion.
“It means he’s a womanizer,” Emmett said. I nodded and Rosalie snorted once again.
“He’s a whore, that’s what he is. Can’t keep his dick in his pants,” she said.
They all laughed and I sat in silence, my attention going back to the field. Edward was
walking off of it and pulled his helmet off. I felt my breath hitch at the sight of him. He was
sweaty, that was easy to tell. His hair was a mess and his face was glowing with wetness.
Someone threw him a towel and he wiped his eyes before grabbing a water bottle. An older
guy with a headset on smacked him in the back and said something to him and Edward
nodded. He then took the water bottle and squirted some in his mouth before squirting it
on his head to cool himself down.
Was that why he gave me those feelings? Because that was just how he was, he made all
girls feel that way?
Some girls a few rows down screamed his name and his head whipped in their direction.
They waved at him and he smiled, nodding in greeting. His gaze lingered around their area
for a moment before his eyes drifted up toward us. Emmett stuck his middle finger up and
Edward made some sort of hand gesture that made Emmett laugh. Edward laughed—I
couldn’t hear it but I could see it—and his eyes wandered over toward me. He brought his
hand up to wave slightly. He was a good distance from us but I could still see the sparkle of
green in his eyes and they were clearly fixated directly on me. I was slightly stunned at the
acknowledgement, but I waved and smiled. He smiled his charming crooked grin and I
blushed, looking away immediately. I mentally scolded myself for the reaction and glanced
back over to see him still looking at me, smiling with an eyebrow cocked. He shook his head
and chuckled, turning around and putting his helmet back on before taking the field again.
I glanced around and saw the girls a few rows down that had yelled at Edward were glaring
at me and whispering to each other. I looked away from them, uncomfortable with the
attention that obviously wasn’t positive, and my eyes met a pair of crystal blue ones.
Rosalie was staring at me, her expression curious. Her gaze was uncomfortable; it felt like
she was looking through me with its intensity. I suddenly got hyperaware of my
surroundings, a surge of irrational fear coursing through me as I wondered if she knew.
Could she tell how Edward made me feel? Did she think I was disgusting or stupid or
childish because of it? I looked away immediately, glancing down at the ground.
After awhile the players left the field and the band started to play. Rosalie and Emmett
stood up, saying they were going to leave awhile and mumbled a goodbye. Jasper stood up
and stretched, smiling at Alice and I.
“I’m going to go grab a soda, you ladies want anything?” he asked. I froze up, unsure of
what to say, and Alice smiled at him. It was clear by the looks they exchanged that they
were very fond of each other. It made me realize that I’d been right, Charles and his wife
didn’t love each other. The two people in front of me loved each other, it was written all
over both of their faces.
“Get us some cokes,” Alice said. Jasper nodded and he started walking away. She turned
her head to face me after he was gone and smiled brightly.
“I think you made some friends,” she said, nodding her head toward the girls a few rows
down from us. I glanced over and saw they were still glaring at me. I sighed.
“Yay, lucky me,” I said dryly. Alice laughed.
“You’ve got a great personality. It’s no wonder all three boys are so taken with you.”
I glanced over at her. “I don’t know about that,” I said. “Jasper and Emmett may be fond of
me, but Edward not so much.”
She sighed. “Edward’s always been hot and cold with people, but I assure you he likes you.
If he didn’t, it would be like you didn’t exist. Edward’s complicated, can be a bit self-
centered. If you didn’t matter, he wouldn’t even notice you or acknowledge you, and the
simple fact that he just waved to you tells me I’m right.”
I nodded but didn’t speak. Alice obviously knew Edward better than I did so I should trust
her opinion on the matter, but there was that part of me that had a hard time believing
Edward felt anything but irritation toward me. Jasper returned eventually with our sodas
and we watched the second half of the game, chatting and laughing. It was nice—I was
growing quite fond of Alice’s company.
The game ended and everyone was screaming and cheering, because evidently they’d won.
Alice linked her arm with mine again and we followed Jasper out of the stadium to her car.
Jasper said he was hungry, so Alice drove across town to a small pizza place. We went
inside, sitting down, and they ordered a plain cheese pizza.
We ate the pizza and chatted. Jasper’s phone rang when we were winding down and he
answered it, talking to whomever it was for a moment before hanging up.
“Emmett wants us to stop by the party,” he said. Both Jasper and Alice looked at me, their
expressions questioning.
“Okay,” I said hesitantly, unsure of what they wanted. I was entirely at their mercy, if they
said we were going to a party than I had no choice but to go to a party. I had no idea of
what a party consisted of exactly, but I figured it couldn’t be too bad.
Alice squealed and I couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction. We finished up and headed out
to the car, Alice driving toward the other part of town. My eyes widened in surprise at the
amount of cars parked along the street when we arrived. I could hear the music playing
from the house, loud thumping rap music, and could see numerous people outside on the
front lawn. Alice linked her arm with mine again, smiling as she led me toward the house.
I was nervous, very nervous. Despite Alice constantly being with me, all of the people and
looks were scaring me a bit. We mingled around and Alice introduced me to a few people,
but I didn’t remember anyone’s name because I was too panicked at everything to focus.
We were walking through the crowd and I caught glimpse of chaotic bronze hair from the
corner of my eye. My head snapped in its direction and I saw Edward sitting in a chair at
the kitchen table with a bunch of other people. A strange surge of emotion whipped
through me as I saw there was a girl sitting on his lap. She had strawberry blonde hair and
looked like a model, her appearance totally complimenting his. They looked sort of like two
peas in a pod, two gorgeous people in the midst of a bunch of average folks. It was as if they
just… belonged. I felt my chest tighten and started losing my breath. Someone called Alice’s
name and Alice yelled back at them. Edward’s head snapped in the direction of Alice’s
voice, his eyes falling on me. He narrowed his eyes slightly and a surge of fear shot through
me. Was he fuming that I was here? He looked mad, very mad. I started hyperventilating
and he jumped up quickly, nearly knocking the girl to the floor. She shouted and stared at
him, obviously startled, but he ignored her.
“Hey,” a male voice said beside me, startlingly close. I jumped and turned my head to see
some guy with spiky blonde hair and blue eyes. He smiled at me so I smiled in return to be
polite. His close proximity was a bit alarming and my fear started increasing, my body
shaking.
I glanced over and watched as Edward walked straight over to us, narrowing his eyes at
Alice. Alice glanced over at me and smiled sadly.
“I’ll take you home,” Alice said to me. I nodded and opened my mouth to thank her, but
Edward butted in abruptly.
“No, I’m taking her home.” His voice had a hard edge to it that sent a chill up my spine.
He definitely wasn’t happy.
Chapter 14 Bearing Fangs
"Aggressive, tough and defiant may describe me, but that leaves the
impression I'm mean and I'm not. People expect me to have fangs." -- Joan
Jett
Isabella Marie Swan was going to be the death of me.
She was a complex individual--that much was clear now. As she stood in my bedroom and
answered my ridiculously nosey questions, it started painting a picture for me of exactly
how deep she was.
She wasn’t like most other people our age. Life had given her experiences that most others
could not and never would comprehend. She may not be educated but she sure as shit was
smart. She’d been taught lessons that bitches like Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory
would never learn. She had learned the art of survival in a dangerous world, and she
learned it through blood, sweat, and tears.
The simple fact that she had the guts to stand in front of me and speak the ugly truth had
earned her a lot of fucking respect in my eyes.
It was startling exactly how much we had in common when it boiled down to it. Our worlds
may be different but they were both hazardous, and neither one of us had a choice in the
matter. We were born into them, forced to adapt to the danger. She may not see it, but I
know exactly what it’s like to fear having to pay for other people’s mistakes. I know what
it’s like to live knowing your life could be ended because of shit that had nothing to do with
you.
She may technically only be a 16-year-old child to the eyes of others, but she was a fucking
strong woman in my book. When it boiled down to it, she’d be willing to withstand any
amount of physical pain to make the emotional torment go away. She’d take a fucking
brutal whipping over the agony of being alone. She’d endure any amount of torture if it
meant having her mother back.
And I knew exactly what that felt like. And I knew what happened when that emotional
torment won, when it wasn’t beaten down and overcome, because I see the fucking product
of it every day when I look in a mirror.
I understood her. Sitting there in my bedroom, staring at the small frail girl beaten down
by life, I fucking understood her. We may live in separate worlds, but we endured the same
mental torture. And I wanted to help her and be there for her, and it was frightening but I
didn’t want her to be broken.
She stood there and said she avoided me because she didn’t understand me, not seeing that
we were a lot alike. No one had ever fucking understood me before and I wanted her to. I
needed her to.
I couldn’t sleep after Isabella left. I tossed and turned half the night, finally giving up and
climbing out of bed.
It was after midnight and the house was completely quiet. I slipped downstairs and got
something to drink, heading back up to my room. I hesitated in the hallway between our
rooms, listening intently. There was light filtering out from under Isabella’s door but I
couldn’t hear any sounds inside. I contemplated for a moment before bringing my hand up
to lightly knock, in case she was awake. When there wasn’t any noise I turned the knob and
slowly pushed the door open.
She was asleep in her bed, laying on top of the covers and curled in the fetal position. It was
like she was hugging herself, trying to hold herself together. I took a few steps into the
room and kicked something. I looked down and saw it was a crumbled up piece of paper. I
bent down and picked it up, hesitating a bit before uncrinkling it. I felt like I was invading
her privacy, and I guess I was, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I was captivated by her.
I opened the paper up and my eyes widened in shock. It was a drawing of me, in perfect
fucking detail. It was almost eerie how accurate it was. She even drew my ridiculous
freckles and that scar on the right side of my bottom lip that I got when I was a little kid.
Jesus, most people who have known me for years didn’t notice that shit, and this girl
pinpointed them after barely even looking at me.
My heart was pounding and I felt the swell in my chest and I groaned softly, wishing the
shit would stop. Two weeks and she was already breaking me down. I couldn’t go catching
feelings for her because it was too dangerous, but I couldn’t stop them. Something told me
it was too damn late to go back.
I walked over and sat down gently on the edge of her bed. I stared at the picture for a bit,
lost in thought. Why had she drawn me? Was she feeling the same shit I was feeling? If she
did, was she as goddamned confused and scared about it as me? I guess the more
important question was why the hell she’d balled it up and tossed it aside. Maybe she did
hate me; maybe she just drew the shit for the purpose of destroying it since she couldn’t
actually do anything to hurt me in real life. Maybe it was therapeutic, like some voodoo
shit.
The bed shifted a bit and I froze, glancing up at her. She moved around a bit, her eyes
staying closed the entire time. She was a restless sleeper.
She moaned a bit in her sleep and I smiled, once again trying to ignore the stirring in my
pants. I was entirely too fucking hormonal, I needed to get that in check. I watched as her
lips parted and she mumbled a bit, the sounds jumbled.
“Please,” she said eventually, her voice soft and breathy. I sighed, closing my eyes. I wish I
knew what she was thinking, what she dreamed of.
“Edward.” The word came rolling from her lips after a moment, barely a whisper. I opened
my eyes and looked at her. She had a small smile on her lips and I smiled in reaction to it,
that fucking swell in my chest again.
“La mia bella ragazza,” I whispered, reaching out and stroking her cheek softly. My
Beautiful Girl. She moaned, instinctively leaning into my touch.
I got up after a moment, hesitating before crinkling the paper back up and tossing it on the
floor. I really wanted to take it and keep it, but I knew there was a chance she’d notice it
was missing and likely figure me out.
I went into my room and flopped down on my bed. I drifted off to sleep and woke up
abruptly to the sound of my alarm clock blaring. I groaned and slapped at it until it shut up.
I was exhausted.
I hopped in the shower and threw on a pair of jeans and a wife beater. I pulled on my
football jersey and spritzed myself with some cologne. I pulled on a pair of white air force
one Nike’s and headed down the stairs.
I was running late, Jasper and Emmett already gone. I saw Dad was sitting in the living
room on his laptop and walked in, plopping down beside him. He glanced at his watch and
then glanced at me, knowing I was going to fucking be late for school, but he didn’t say
anything.
“Carlisle Cullen, taking a day off. It’s gonna snow,” I said. He laughed, shaking his head.
“I don’t know if I’d call it a day off considering it might be just as stressful as a day at the
hospital is,” he said.
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “It’s going to be that bad?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t anticipate her acting up about it, but I’m putting her on birth
control and I’m not so sure how she’s going to react to that exam. She’s still a virgin and
probably going to freak out about being touched.”
I nodded but didn’t speak. I was slightly surprised that she was pure. I’d tried not to think
about her history in sex, knowing girls that live her life are likely raped repeatedly. I felt a
sense of relief about it, that at least she hadn’t ever had to endure being brutalized in that
fashion.
Dad glanced at his watch after a few minutes. “The bell just rung at Forks High School,” he
said, peaking over at me. I rolled my eyes.
“Alright, I’m going,” I muttered, standing up. I grabbed my book bag and headed for the
door.
“Have a good day,” he said.
“Yeah, you too. Good luck,” I said, heading out. I hopped in the Volvo and started it up,
speeding away. I had to check in when I got to school, since I needed a pass to go into first
period halfway through. The school day went by fairly fast, and afterwards I went with the
guys to get something to eat before we had to report for football.
We arrived back at the school and dressed out in our uniforms, doing our stretches and
warm ups. When the game started I made myself focus. It started out fine, but not even
halfway through the first quarter Tyler Crowley got slack on his guard position and let
some fucking defensive tackle through the line. I got sacked before I could react and got
thrown backwards to the ground hard. That shit hurt, pain ricocheting through me. I got up
from the ground and was fucking pissed. When I left the field Coach Clapp told me to let it
go, that he hadn’t done it on purpose. Whatever.
I heard my name being called and glanced over to the bleachers at the two girls. They were
sophomores, innocent girls. I hadn’t been with either of them but they were always giggling
and shit around me so I made a point to always flirt with them. I plastered the smile on my
face, playing the part.
I looked around and spotted Emmett, who gave me the finger. I put my hand under my
chin and flicked it, popping it off. We used to see the guys in the organization back in
Chicago do that shit all the time, apparently preferring it to say “fuck you” instead of the
finger. I laughed at him and glanced beside him, my eyes falling on Isabella. I was stunned
by how she looked, as it was evident Alice had butted it and made her up. She looked
beautiful. She was looking at me so I waved my hand. She looked to be stunned by my
acknowledgement but she smiled and waved. I smiled, glad that she didn’t ignore me—that
was a slight improvement, at least. She blushed and looked away and her expression was
just too fucking cute. She could come off as being so innocent and shy. She glanced back
over at me and I cocked an eyebrow at her and she smiled sheepishly in response. I laughed
and shook my head. Yeah, definitely going to be the death of me.
The rest of the game went by fast. Tyler didn’t fuck up anymore, especially after I grabbed a
hold of him in the locker room at halftime, and we won easily. I was on a high afterwards,
euphoric from winning, and was looking forward to some hard liquor to celebrate.
I got out of my uniform and showered, throwing my jeans and wifebeater on. I drove over
to the party, which was at some senior’s house, and plopped my ass down at the table. A
few of my teammates joined me and we poured a shot.
The moment I sat down my adrenaline from playing finally started slowing down and the
pain started seeping through. My back was fucking killing me, my muscles sore from
getting sacked so bad. I threw back a shot of Patrone quickly.
Tanya came waltzing over, swinging her hips and trying to look all sexy. She sat down on
my lap and I cocked an eyebrow at her but she just smiled all seductively. Tanya was fun,
we’d been together before but she was the type of girl who expected something in return
usually and I wasn’t one for giving.
I told one of the guys to pour me another shot, hoping the alcohol would kill the pain in my
shoulders and back. I picked up the shot glass and was about to bring it to my lips when I
heard Alice’s voice from across the room. My head snapped in her direction and I saw she
had Isabella with her, clutching onto her. Isabella was looking at me, her expression
startling. It was hard to read, she looked maybe hurt or sad or upset, but what was clear
was that she wasn’t comfortable. I could see the fear in her eyes, could see her trembling
slightly from where I sat.
I got pissed. What the fuck were they thinking, making her go through this? It was clear she
wasn’t ready for it, why in the hell would she be? I stood up, nearly throwing Tanya to the
ground. I forgot the bitch was even on me. I watched as Mike Newton walked up to Isabella
and said something to her. She jumped and looked at him, the fear plain as day but she
plastered a smile on her face because of course she couldn’t ever fucking be rude. Christ,
first time out and they drag her to a party with a bunch of loud obnoxious drunk guys
looking to get fucked. I could see the guys looking at her like she was fresh meat and that
pissed me off, disgusted me. She was too fucking good for that, too fucking good for these
pricks.
I walked over to them and glared at Alice. She knew I was pissed, immediately saying she’d
take Isabella home. Alice knew me well, wasn’t afraid of me but she knew when I got pissed
I could sometimes lose control. They’d all learned that last year. But it was already too late
for her to fix it, because my mood had already shifted and I couldn’t just forget the look on
Isabella’s face and go back to having fun.
“No, I’m taking her home,” I said coldly. Alice looked like she wanted to argue so I cocked
an eyebrow at her, practically daring her to. She sighed and let go of Isabella’s arm,
mumbling a goodbye and an apology to her. Isabella seemed shocked about the whole
thing, just staring at us looking completely afraid.
I grabbed a hold of her wrist and she recoiled away from my touch. I shoved into Newton,
who looked like he was amused about the situation, and gave him a look that pointedly said
‘don’t you fucking dare’. I was mad and I knew I was causing a scene but I couldn’t help it. I
dragged Isabella out of the house, and thankful she didn’t try to stop me or resist at all.
When we were away from all of the people I finally let go of her wrist, but she continued to
follow me silently. I unlocked and opened the passenger door to the Volvo, not saying a
word and barely looking at her as she slipped by me and inside. I shut the door pretty
forcefully, pissed that she was put through this. I got into the drivers side and started the
car up, flying away from the curb immediately. I cranked the stereo up, hoping the music
would distract me and maybe calm me since music usually had that effect on me. I drove
through town and groaned, slamming on the brakes when I hit the red light. The only car
on the fucking road and the only goddamn light in this ridiculous town and it’s red.
I glanced over at Isabella. Her face was glowing under the moonlight and I could see her
cheeks were streaked with tears, mascara running from her eyes. I groaned and reached
over to brush it away, wishing she wouldn’t cry and a little confused as to why she was. “Are
you okay, are you hurt?” I asked.
Isabella yelped and flinched away from me, turning to stare at me with fear. My brow
furrowed and realization dawned that she was fucking afraid of me. My reaction had
fucking scared her worse than the party did.
My anger surged and I slammed my hands against the steering wheel, cursing because I
was pissed. I was so stupid, could I ever not mess up around this girl?
The light turned green and I slammed the gas.
“Christ, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ve got a temper but I didn’t mean to take it out on
you,” I said after a moment. She didn’t respond, just sat staring out the window. She was
still crying quietly and that made my heart hurt. What was it about this girl?
I drove straight home, pulling up in front of the house and parking. She opened the door
and got out before I could make it over to her side and open her door. She headed toward
the house and I ran after her. I took out my keys and opened the front door, walking inside
to disengage the alarm. Isabella followed me inside, pausing in the foyer. “I’m sorry you
had to leave your party. I’m sorry if your night is ruined because of me,” she said softly. I
sighed.
“It’s not your fault. And my night isn’t ruined. I wasn’t in the mood for that shit tonight
anyway,” I said.
She glanced over at me surprised. “But your girlfriend, sir…” she started. My brow
furrowed in confusion before I realized she was talking about Tanya, who’d she’d seen
sitting on my lap. I laughed, probably a little too loudly because she jumped with surprise.
“I have no girlfriend, Isabella. That girl means nothing to me, I couldn’t care less about
her,” I said.
She stared at me for a moment before nodding and glancing down at the ground. I sighed.
“Look, let’s watch a movie or something,” I suggested.
“Okay,” she said at once, still staring at the ground. I groaned, reaching over and cupping
her chin and pulling her head up so she’d look at me.
“Is that an ‘Okay, I really want to watch a movie with you Edward’ or is it an ‘okay I’ll do
whatever the fuck you say because I think I have to’?” I asked. She just stared at me, and I
smiled lightly. “You can disagree with me, you know. You can argue and tell me no if you
want. I’m not going to punish you or hit you or none of that bullshit. You can yell at me if
that’ll make you feel better. I mean, I’ll probably yell back because that’s just what I do but
I’m not going to get physical with you. So feel free to tell me to fuck off if you want me to
fuck off, but don’t just say ‘okay’ because I don’t know what the fuck you mean by it.”
“Okay,” she said, looking stunned. I groaned, shaking my head. We were getting no fucking
where.
“Look, I’m going to go in the living room and put on a movie and sit my ass down on the
couch and watch it. Whether or not you join me is entirely up to you,” I said. She nodded so
I turned and headed for the living room, sighing. This was entirely too fucking complicated.
I turned on a light and opened up a cabinet, glancing through the DVDs. I pulled out
Ladder 49 as I hadn’t watched it yet and Emmett kept fucking raving about it. I put it in
and turned the light back off, flopping down on the couch with the remote. I kicked my
shoes off and threw my feet on top of the coffee table, slouching down while I started the
movie.
She didn’t follow. It was all completely silent except for the sound of the movie so I couldn’t
gauge what the fuck she was doing, wondered if maybe she was still just standing there. But
she was stealthy so even if she were moving around I probably wouldn’t hear the shit. She’d
make a good fucking assassin with how quiet she was, that’s for sure.
After about 10 minutes I heard a noise in the kitchen, the sound of a cabinet closing. A few
moments later I saw movement from the corner of my eye and glanced up, my eyes
widening. Isabella stopped in front of me, holding out a glass. She wasn’t looking at me,
looked to be purposely avoiding my gaze. I took the glass from her and she sat down on the
couch beside me, putting a bit of distance between us. She had a glass of water and took a
sip, sitting it down on a coaster on the table.
I glanced at my glass and brought it up to my lips, taking a sip. I was shocked the moment
the liquid hit my taste buds--it was cherry coke. And not just the imitation cherry coke you
buy in a bottle or can, it was real fucking cherry juice mixed in with the coke. I held the
glass up in the light and saw the cherries on the bottom of it.
I was stunned. My mom used to make it for me nearly every fucking day after school when
I was a kid. I mean, I knew she’d figure out I liked cherry coke since I bought a 12-pack of it
at the grocery store. But for her to go out of her way and actually make it for real when she
could’ve just grabbed me a can from the fridge? That caught me off guard. I was used to
being catered to but for her to do something so fucking thoughtful stunned me.
“Thank you,” I said after a moment.
“You’re welcome,” she said softly. I glanced over at her and saw she was watching the
movie intently, her feet pulled up beside her on the couch and her head slightly cocked to
the side. She’d gotten changed, which I gather is why she’d taken so long, and was wearing
a pair of black yoga pants and a light blue tank top. She’d pulled her hair up into a ponytail
and looked really casual, but she pulled it off well. She still looked good.
“Have you seen this yet?” I asked after a moment. She turned her head to look at me
questioningly, like it was a stupid question. I chuckled, realizing it probably was. “I didn’t
know, really. I mean, you’ve spent some time with my brothers so I don’t know what you
watched with them.”
“We watch Jeopardy,” she said. I laughed.
“Jasper loves that shit. He sucks at it though, the dumbass. Sometimes I wonder if his
brain works properly.”
“He’s better than me,” she said, shrugging. Her words were casual but I felt bad
immediately, as I practically just implied she was stupid in an around-the-ass way.
“I didn’t mean…” I started, sighing. I ran my hand through my hair nervously. She turned
her head to face me and smiled sadly.
“I know, it’s understandable. I’m not exactly educated,” she said. There was a hint of
sadness and longing in her voice and I wondered if she wished she could learn. The first
lady we had, Nona, had no desire to learn anything. She had come to grips with her life and
didn’t strive above it anymore after we acquired her. The second bitch didn’t last long
enough for me to even learn her last name, much less anything else about her. Isabella was
still young, she was perfectly capable of learning.
I thought about bringing it up to her, but before I could my phone started ringing. I
grabbed it off the table where I’d laid it and glanced at the screen—it was Jessica Stanley.
I silenced it and sat it beside me, turning my attention back to the movie. It beeped with a
message but I ignored it. Less than five minutes later it started to ring again. I sighed and
glanced at it, once again silencing it. Tanya that time.
It rang the third time, Jessica again, and I turned the ringer off. Isabella kept looking over
at me, looking as if she felt bad. I tossed the phone back down on the table and stood up,
groaning at the pain in my back and shoulders. Isabella jumped up quickly, so quick it
startled me and I furrowed my brow at her.
“Did you need something?” she asked. I rolled my eyes.
“Sit back down and relax, watch the movie. I’ll be back in a second,” I mumbled.
She sat down hesitantly and I walked out, heading for the steps instantly. I walked up them
quickly to my bedroom, throwing the door open. I walked over to my desk, pulling my keys
out and unlocking the bottom drawer. I smiled widely—my secret stash.
I glanced through the bottles of liquor, pulling out a bottle of Grey Goose vodka. I
considered grabbing a bowl and some weed but thought better of it, not knowing how she
felt about that shit. I didn’t want to be doing it in front of her and end up offending her. I
locked the cabinet up and headed back downstairs.
I went back into the living room and sat back down beside Isabella, sitting slightly closer to
her than I had been. I glanced over and saw she was watching me curiously. “Everything’s
better with a bit of liquor,” I said shrugging. She smiled lightly. I opened the bottle and
poured a bit into my drink, hesitating before bringing the bottle to my lips and tipping it
back. I grimaced a bit at the bite it had to it and I imagine the expression on my face had to
have been ugly because Isabella burst into laughter. I chuckled and handed the bottle out
to her, cocking an eyebrow. Her eyes widened and she stared at me with shock.
“Uh…” she started. I smiled and shook my head.
“Just a sip, it won’t kill you.” She started chewing on her bottom lip and looked nervous,
but gingerly reached her hand out to take the bottle. She took a deep breath, glaring at the
bottle, before bringing it to her lips and tipping it back. She took a small swig and a shiver
ripped through her, a look of disgust on her face. She pulled the bottle away instantly and
started coughing. I chuckled and grabbed the bottle from her, tipping it back and taking
another drink of it. It burned a bit going down but not too bad. I sat the bottle down on the
table and stretched my back out, bringing my hand up to rub the back of my neck.
“Are you okay?” Isabella asked. I glanced over and saw she was watching me with a curious
look on her face. I sighed.
“Yeah, just a little sore from that hit I took. I’ll probably have to go to the chiropractor or a
masseuse or some shit tomorrow,” I mumbled. She smiled.
“I could give you a massage,” she said nonchalantly, shrugging. I cocked an eyebrow at her,
a little taken back by her offer.
“You don’t have to do that,” I said. She smiled again.
“I know, but I thought I’d offer.” I stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. Do I
agree like a fucking prick and have the girl massage me? I mean I didn’t even know if she
knew what the hell she was doing and it probably wouldn’t help my soreness any, but a part
of me was screaming to just feel her touch. Yeah, average fucking hormonal teenager.
“Okay,” I said after a moment, shrugging. She smiled and shifted her position so her back
was up against the back of the couch. She made room between her legs and patted the
cushion. I laughed lightly, a bit in disbelief, standing up and grabbing my drink. I sat down
gently between her legs. I started regretting it immediately as I felt my dick harden. Her
legs were pressed up against mine, her chest damn near touching my back. I could feel the
heat coming off of her, and the fact that I was between the girl’s thighs didn’t escape me. I
mean, it wasn’t sexual at all, I’d fucked plenty of girls and been between more thighs than
I’d be able to remember at the moment, but the way we were was intimate, almost too
fucking intimate. My heart started racing as I waited to feel her touch. She hesitated and I
had to wonder if she was having the same types of thoughts, if being so close did things to
her as they did to me.
After a moment I felt my shirt shift and her hands run up underneath it on my back.
Tingling shot down my spine at her touch, that electric feeling coursing through me. I
groaned softly and closed my eyes—the shit felt good. She ran her hands up and down my
back a few times lightly and it almost fucking tickled, and started doing things to my body.
I’d never been fucking touched like that before. It was gentle and almost loving and that
scared the shit out of me, and I wanted her to change her mind and push me away because
of it, but a bigger part of me wished she’d never stop. I was so conflicted it was ridiculous.
I reached down and grabbed my shirt, pulling it off quickly when I realized it would be a lot
fucking easier for her if I didn’t have it on. She tensed up almost immediately and her
breath hitched as she stilled her hands on my shoulder blades, making me wonder if that
was a mistake. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. I contemplated getting up and
telling her to forget about it but before I could she spoke.
“This would be better with some lotion or something,” she said. I chuckled and stood up,
her hands drifting down my back softly. I walked over to the bathroom, flicking on the light
and glancing around. I opened the cabinet and found some baby oil. I eyed it cautiously,
wondering what the fuck it was doing in the downstairs guest bathroom, but saw that it was
still sealed so I picked it up. I wouldn’t touch an open bottle of baby oil in my house with a
ten-foot pole, knowing someone probably used it at some point to wack off.
“Will this work?” I asked, walking back into the living room and holding the bottle up.
Isabella’s head snapped in my direction when she heard my voice. I smirked, not missing
the fact that her eyes lingered on my chest for a moment before looking at my face.
“Yeah, that’s perfect,” she said, her eyes once again drifting down to my chest. I cleared my
throat and her attention snapped back to my face. I cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled.
She blushed a beautiful shade of red and looked away, which made me laugh.
I handed her the bottle and sat back down between her legs. She opened it and squirted
some onto her hand before laying the bottle down beside her. She brought her hands to my
back and pressed firmly, running them up my back to my shoulders. I was shocked at how
firm her touch was now. I groaned as she started determinedly massaging my shoulder
blades and up toward the back of my neck. Her hands were running up and down my back
repeatedly and I felt my muscles loosening under her touch. She kept at it for a while and I
closed my eyes, unable to stop myself from moaning like a little bitch. It felt fucking
fantastic, she definitely knew exactly what she was doing.
Her touch softened after awhile and I groaned, not wanting her to stop. Her hands were
tenderly roaming my back and I felt her tracing along the lines of the tattoo between my
shoulder blades. Her left hand roamed downward and traced along the scar that ran along
my side. That shit tickled and I shivered slightly. She ran one of her hands up my spine and
my neck. I tilted my head back and her fingers filtered through the hair on the back of my
head. I groaned as another shiver shot through me, her touch no longer about loosening
muscles but now almost fucking sensual. She stilled her movements and I thought for sure
she was going to pull away, but she didn’t. After a few seconds her hands started roaming
again, her fingers lacing through my messy hair, her short nails gently scraping my scalp.
I started breathing heavy and was getting really worked up and I knew I needed to stop. We
needed to stop. It was so fucking wrong, but God it felt so right. I was almost quivering at
how right it felt, how desperate I was for her touch.
I thought I heard something and opened my eyes. I saw the foyer light up slightly,
indicating headlights outside. I reached my hand behind me and grabbed a hold of
Isabella’s hands, stopping her.
“Someone’s here,” I said. She tensed up immediately. I let go of her hands and stood up.
She jumped up from the couch, brushing past me and heading for the stairs. I watched
incredulously as she fucking sprinted up them and out of sight. I shook my head and
grabbed my shirt, putting it on.
I plopped back down on the couch as the front door opened. I heard Alice’s laughter
immediately and rolled my eyes. I picked up my cherry coke, which was fucking watered
down now but I didn’t give a shit, and downed the entire thing. I grabbed a cherry and
popped it in my mouth, chewing on it as I grabbed my phone.
Alice and Jasper walked in and paused, obviously wondering what the fuck I was doing
sitting in the damn dark with nothing but a blue screen on the TV, as the movie had gone
off. I didn’t bother to look up at them and started scrolling through my phone. In the past
hour I’d gotten 8 calls and over a dozen text messages from bitches.
“Is Isabella okay?” Jasper asked after a moment. I nodded, not bothering to look at him.
“I didn’t think she’d freak out,” Alice said softly, sitting down beside me. I cast her a quick
glance, laughing dryly.
“I’ll be damned, and here I thought Mary Alice Brandon was all-fucking-knowing.”
*****
La mia bella ragazza = My beautiful Girl
Chapter 15 Thunderbolt
"Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the
attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees." -- Victor Hugo
“Hey Isabella!!”
I jumped at the sound of the loud unexpected voice and dropped the glass I was holding. It
crashed to the floor, shattering upon impact and sending little chunks of glass flying. My
eyes widened, the noise loud and sounding like it echoed through the entire downstairs. I
glanced over at Alice, who had a look of shock on her face. I hadn’t even realized she was
here, thought I was alone.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said apologetically. I waved her off and
squatted down, starting to pick up the pieces of glass from the floor. She nearly sprinted at
me, wanting to help, but she only succeeded in startling me even more. I flinched away
from her and jabbed my finger on a sharp piece of glass, yelping. I grabbed my hand and
saw the trickle of red flowing from the cut. I felt dizzy immediately as the rusty stench of
blood hit me, the sight of it making me queasy. I closed my eyes and sat back on my butt,
trying to take a few deep breaths through my mouth to calm myself and avoid the smell.
I have having a bad day… a very bad day. I’d woken up before the sun rose this morning,
every ounce of my body aching. The moment I opened my eyes my stomach started
churning and I jumped up, sprinting to the bathroom. I spent most of the morning and
afternoon there, throwing up what I wanted to estimate could possibly amount to my body
weight. Dr. Cullen had come to check on me at one point in the afternoon, as he was
worried since I hadn’t emerged from my room all day, and found me passed out on the
floor in front of the toilet. He went into doctor mode immediately, checking my pulse and
respirations and temperature and chalked it up to a stomach bug. He told me to relax and
sleep, not to strain myself or stress out and let my body strengthen, but it was a lot easier
said than done.
I stayed in my room as long as I could. My stomach had started to settle but I was slightly
panicked at the thought of being in bed all day. Since I learned to walk and talk, not a
single day had gone by that I didn’t do some type of work.
So once I was pretty sure I could make it downstairs on my own two feet, I climbed out of
bed and headed for the stairs.
I was a complete and utter mess. I was sweaty and my clothes were wrinkled, my hair
disheveled. I couldn’t have smelled that great either, likely a combination of vomit and
sweat. I looked as bad as I felt—completely sickly.
I held onto the banister and started down the stairs, only to make it to the second floor and
come face-to-face with Edward. He had his arm draped over a girls shoulder. His eyes
widened when he saw me, his expression staggering. He looked almost guilty or ashamed. I
averted my eyes, unable to look at him.
It was a little over a week ago that he’d dragged me from the party after his football game,
bringing me home. He’d stunned me that night and ever since then I’ve felt like everything
was in a whirlwind, my thoughts and feelings all scrambled and nothing made sense. I truly
felt like the ridiculously pathetic child I always thought I was.
His behavior had taken me by surprise. He’d pretty much demanded I speak my mind to
him and as hard as that concept was to me, a part of me desired to be able to speak freely.
I’d made him a real cherry coke, wanting to do something to show him my gratitude. I
figured he’d like it, since I knew he drank the stuff in the can. I’d learned to master the art
of cherry cokes over the past few years, as my mistress in Phoenix drank them and
demanded they be perfect. Perfect proportion of cherry juice in the coke, perfect number of
cherries. Any slight imperfection literally translated to a kick to some body part that I
prefer not to be kicked. She was fond of kicking people behind the knees, as that always
caused them to crash to the ground. Edward seemed to appreciate the fact that I made him
one, even if he did pour alcohol in it.
He had seemed tense. I kept seeing him stretch his back and roll his shoulders and bring
his hand up to knead his neck. I got curious after awhile and asked him if he were okay, and
he confessed that his muscles were sore from that hit I saw him take. I guess he wasn’t as
tough as Emmett thought he was.
The art of massage is something you pick up when you live the life I do. Long hours and
days full of grueling work wreak havoc on your body, so it’s essential you learn how to
loosen up and soothe muscles to alleviate some of the pain and pressure. I offered to give
him a massage, simply trying to be friendly, not even considering what was going to
happen when I actually touched him.
The moment he sat between my legs those feelings started stirring inside of me again. My
hands on his skin were almost electric. His back was smooth--his muscles firm and
sculpted. He’d gotten up to get something for me to use to massage him, and my eyes fell
upon his naked chest. I’d been so entranced that first morning because of the orange juice
spilling that I hadn’t actually gotten that great of a look at his chest. It was stunning and I
couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away.
The massage started out innocent enough and I felt him loosening up, but the stupid
ridiculous child inside of me started acting up and trying to take over. I practically caressed
his back with my hand, running my fingers lightly over his tattoo. I was curious about them
and wanted to ask him what all of his tattoos meant, as he had three that I knew of, but I
couldn’t seem to form words. He also had a very prominent scar on his side, whatever
caused it had to have hurt and I hated the thought of him ever hurting. The feel of Edward’s
skin, the smell of him and the sounds he was making had clouded me completely. I could
barely think straight. I ran my hand up his spine and he threw his head back, my fingers
finding their way into his hair. His hair was surprisingly very soft and the feel of it
captivated me.
Edward had started breathing heavier and moaned, and the sound of it did crazy things to
me. I felt my body tingling, my own breathing labored. I started having irrational thoughts
about his hands on me when he grabbed a hold of me, stopping me from touching him. He
told me someone was home and I immediately panicked, everything clearing. I was so
embarrassed for getting out of control, so much that I was afraid to look at Edward. I was
afraid of what he was thinking or feeling, afraid he was disgusted that I’d touched him,
afraid he could sense the feelings I’d had. So the moment he stood up I ran and locked
myself in my room.
The past week had flown by. I did my work and stayed out of the way. Alice stopped by
once and came up to my room to apologize for the incident at the party, but I told her it was
no big deal. I just hadn’t been prepared for it, didn’t know exactly what I was walking into.
I assured her it wouldn’t stop me from venturing out of the house. And it hasn’t, as I spent
a good bit of the past week outside in the yard. I hadn’t even realized the Cullen’s had a
pool on their property, that’s how unobservant I’d really been.
I saw Edward a few times and caught him staring at me, his expression always curious. I
couldn’t tell what he was thinking and that was driving me crazy. We hadn’t been alone all
week, someone always nearby. I still dreamed of him nearly every night, waking up longing
to see him and hear his voice. It was all so crazy, his very existence causing my heart to
swell with an unknown emotion, one I was too afraid to confront or name.
Even standing there on the steps, looking at him with his arm around a petite girl with
brown curly hair, my heart swelled. And looking at the girl, another emotion boiled to the
surface, an emotion that was even more dangerous than the other one—jealousy.
I practically ran away from them, almost falling down the steps because I was so light
headed. I went into the kitchen, washing up a few dishes and putting them away, and that
was when Alice had startled me.
I opened my eyes, feeling like I was okay again, and instantly saw Alice’s face. She was
frowning, her eyes glassy. It looked like she was fighting back tears and that surprised me. I
glanced around quickly; frightened that maybe she had hurt herself. That was the last thing
I needed, for her to cut herself on glass that I broke. I’d successfully avoided punishment
the past few weeks, hadn’t had to experience Dr. Cullen’s anger, but I knew injuring a girl
he thought of as a daughter would do just that.
“Are you okay, Alice?” I asked frantically. Her brow furrowed and she nodded.
“I’m fine, are you okay?” she asked. I just stared at her for a moment. Of course I wasn’t
okay. I was so alone and troubled it was ridiculous. I was confused and hurt and just so
emotionally spent that I didn’t know which way was up anymore.
“I’m okay,” I whispered after a moment, looking away from her. I couldn’t tell her those
things, I couldn’t tell anyone.
My eyes fell upon the small puddle of blood on the floor and I groaned. I felt the bile rising
up immediately and I jumped up, shoving past Alice. I grabbed the trashcan in just enough
time to start vomiting again. I felt Alice rubbing my back and shushing me. After the
vomiting subsided I let go of the trashcan, my vision blurred with tears; they were
streaming down my cheeks and sobs were escaping my throat.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I turned around and started picking
up the glass, throwing it in the trashcan. I was feeling sick again already and needed to get
it cleaned up before anyone else saw it.
“Go upstairs and lie down, I’ll finish cleaning this up for you and come up in a second,”
Alice said. I looked over at her questioningly and she nodded. I felt bad, didn’t want her to
have to clean up after me, but I desperately needed to lie back down before I got sick again.
I mumbled a thank you and pulled myself up, gripping the counter to stabilize myself. Once
I felt steady enough, I started for the stairs.
I started breathing heavily as I headed up the second flight of stairs to the 3rd floor. I had
to pause when I reached the top, needing to catch my breath. My vision was blurred
slightly, my head pounding. My entire body ached and was tingling.
I headed for my room and paused abruptly in the middle of the hallway as I heard a girl
crying out. I took a few steps forward hesitantly and felt devastation rock through me as
familiar sounds reached my ears. Groaning and moaning and panting and grunting. I could
hear a faint thumping sound that instantly made me think of my mother, and those sounds
I listened to as Charles had his way with her.
Edward was having sex with that girl.
I heard the female cry out again, this time yelling Edward’s name. I lost my breath, an ach
burning my chest. My eyes welled up with tears and everything grew hazy. My knees went
wobbly and I heard footsteps behind me on the stairs. My legs gave out and I collapsed, my
head slamming into the wall and my body hitting the floor with a loud thump. I faintly
heard Alice scream Jasper’s name before everything blacked out.
“Isabella? Wake up bella ragazza, open your eyes for me.” I heard the familiar velvety voice
filter through, so close it felt like it was right beside my ear.
“Smack her or something, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” a female voice said,
sounding farther away and slightly panicky. It was a voice I’d heard before but wasn’t one I
knew very well. It confused me, the words not making sense.
“I’m not fucking hitting her, no one is,” the velvety voice spat instantly, the tone aggressive
and sent a chill down my spine.
I pried my eyes open, everything hazy but I could make out the set of green eyes hovering
right in front of me. I blinked a few times in confusion, trying to clear my vision.
“Maledicalo, don’t you ever do that again!! Do you hear me?!” he yelled. My eyes widened
in shock at his anger, everything coming into focus. He was very visibly upset and looking
pointedly at me.
“What did I do? I’m so sorry,” I said, my brow furrowing in confusion. I had no idea what
was going on but whatever it was, I had somehow messed up. I felt my vision blurring over
again, this time from tears. His features softened and he groaned, pinching the bridge of
his nose.
“You passed out. I didn’t mean to yell, but you scared the shit out of me,” he said.
“Oh,” I said, unsure of how to respond. I fainted? I tried to think back and my eyes widened
in shock as I remembered being in the hallway and hearing the sounds coming from
Edward’s room. “Oh God!” I yelled when it came back to me.
Edward looked startled by my outburst. “Relax,” he said, his tone soft now. “Jasper’s
calling Dad to come home from work and check you out. You hit your head pretty hard.”
I glanced around and saw I was in my bedroom; Edward was sitting beside me on the edge
of my bed. I noticed he didn’t have a shirt on and had to look away from him quickly before
it clouded my thoughts. I tried to pull myself up but Edward grabbed a hold of me, trying to
make me stay lying down. I propped myself up on my elbows and glanced past him. Alice
and the curly haired girl were standing in the doorway, both looking at Edward and I. A
small smile came on Alice’s lips when I looked at her but I couldn’t conjure a smile up in
return. I glanced over at the other girl and felt a surge of sadness when I saw she was
wearing nothing but an oversized T-shirt that was obviously not hers. I realized it had to
have been Edwards.
I sighed, dropping back down onto my back. I shook my head and glared up at the ceiling. I
could feel Edwards gaze on me and felt the bed shift after a second. I looked over at him
and watched him turn his head to glance at the door.
“Go put your fucking clothes back on Jessica,” he said, the harsh tone back to his voice. I
didn’t look up but I heard a door slam across the hall after a moment.
“I’m going to go see how Jasper made out,” Alice said, bolting out the door. I heard her
footsteps heading down the stairs almost immediately. I sighed, knowing Edward and I
were alone, and closed my eyes. I was slightly embarrassed, having heard him and the girl
and having obviously interrupted it. It made me feel sick to think of them having sex and I
tried to ignore it, not wanting to deal with why.
I felt him brush his hand across my forehead after a moment. His fingertips were cool and
sent sparks across my feverish skin. “La mia bella ragazza,” he murmured softly as he
stroked the skin on my face, so soft I barely heard it. His words sounded sweet and I felt
comforted although the meaning of them was unknown to me.
I opened my eyes and saw him gazing down at me intensely. “What’s that mean?” I asked.
“What’s what mean?” he asked, smiling lightly.
“Uh… la mia bella ragazza,” I said, although my pronunciation made it sound like ‘lemon-
ah bella re-gezzi’.
Edward stared at me for a moment, looking slightly caught off guard by my question. “It’s
not important,” he said finally, shrugging. “If I don’t say it in English, you probably don’t
want to know,” he added.
I nodded, remembering Dr. Cullen had said Edward enjoyed saying colorful things in
Italian. We sat there in silence for a few moments. Edward was stroking my cheek softly
with the back of his hand and staring into my eyes. It was a bit uncomfortable but I
couldn’t break from his gaze. His eyes were so full of emotion, so compassionate.
A door slammed across the hall and Edward groaned, rolling his eyes. He pulled his hand
away from me and stood up, jogging out of the room quickly. I pulled myself up and saw
him standing in the hallway with the curly haired girl. She looked mad and Edward was
talking to her. I couldn’t make out his words as they were whispers but his lips were
moving furiously. She finally huffed loudly and turned from him, stomping away. Edward
walked back in the room, shaking his head and sighing. He sat down on the edge of the bed
again and looked at me.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I said, feeling like I needed to apologize. I felt bad. I had no
idea who the girl was but if Edward had been having sex with her she obviously was
something to him. “And please tell her I’m sorry.”
His brow furrowed. “Sorry for what?”
“For interrupting you guys, you know… what you were doing.” I said, slightly embarrassed
and unable to actually say it out loud. I felt my cheeks reddening.
Edward’s eyes grew wide as he obviously figured out what I was talking about. “Jesus
Christ,” he muttered, shaking his head. He looked embarrassed, which surprised me. “You
shouldn’t have heard that shit.”
My eyes widened, afraid he thought I was eavesdropping. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to, I
promise. I was just walking down the hall and I heard the noises.”
He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Don’t apologize, you shouldn’t be
apologizing, I should be.”
I looked at him with surprise… why would he apologize? He’d done nothing wrong. Before I
could say anything he started ranting off in Italian, so fast and jumbled and passionate it
startled me.
“Damn it, slow down Edward,” Jasper’s voice said from the doorway. I looked up and saw
him standing there with Alice, watching his brother with surprise. Edward stopped
speaking immediately, looking over at them. His expression was almost horrified. “Colpo di
fulmine?” Jasper said after a moment, his brow furrowing as he eyed Edward.
Edward groaned, standing up. “Just fucking ignore me, I don’t know what I’m saying,” he
said forcefully. He walked past them and out of the room without saying another word.
Alice sighed and walked forward, sitting down the spot Edward had just been sitting.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into him, I’m sorry. It’s a good thing you don’t speak Italian
because he probably would’ve just freaked you out,” Jasper said, shaking his head. I smiled
lightly.
“That’s not the first time he’s spoken Italian to me. He’s never said so much before, though.
It kinda made me dizzy just listening to him.”
Alice smiled. “I didn’t understand it either,” she said. “I know a bit of Italian I picked up
over the years but not good enough to make all that out.”
Jasper sighed. “I’m sure you got the basics,” he said softly, looking at Alice. I didn’t miss
the fact that she nodded slightly in confirmation. “Anyway, Dad said to drink this slowly.
He’ll be home soon.”
Jasper held out a bottle of water. I sat up and took it from him, opening it. I felt my vision
haze over a bit from dizziness and took a few sips. They were quiet as I drank the water but
kept exchanging glances at each other that worried me a bit.
I heard footsteps on the stairs and glanced up to see Dr. Cullen stop in the doorway.
“Anyone know what Edward’s problem is? He nearly ran that damn Volvo straight into my
Mercedes flying down the driveway.”
“Who knows,” Jasper said quickly, glancing over at Alice. She smiled lightly and nodded
once. I narrowed my eyes slightly, suspicious. They were keeping a secret and I didn’t
understand why.
Dr. Cullen sighed and walked forward. Alice stood up and he took her spot on the bed. “I
heard you gave the kids quite a scare, passing out on them. Are you feeling any better?”
I nodded. “A bit.” He smiled and grabbed my wrist to take my pulse. I flinched away from
his touch as usual but it didn’t stop him. He pulled out a tiny flashlight and shined it in my
eyes.
“You should be fine, just a bit dehydrated. Drink a bunch of fluids and get some sleep.
Unless you’re going to the bathroom, I don’t want to see you out of this bed until tomorrow
morning, do you hear me?”
I nodded. He smiled lightly, standing up. He glanced at his watch and told Jasper to bring
me up some bottles of water and departed quickly. Jasper left the room and Alice sat back
down beside me.
“Is there something going on?” I asked softly, curious. She turned and smiled at me,
shrugging.
“No,” she said. I could tell by her expression that she was lying, but I’d never dare call her
on it. I simply nodded and lay back down, sighing. Jasper returned after a moment with
four bottles of water and sat them beside the bed. He gave me a small smile and grabbed
Alice hand. She giggled as he pulled her off the bed. They both wished me sweet dreams
and left the room quickly, shutting the door behind them.
I was exhausted and sleep took me instantly. I slept on and off for hours, all through the
night, only waking up for long enough to drink some water or go to the bathroom.
I woke up the next morning, feeling groggy but my stomach wasn’t queasy anymore. I
pulled myself out of bed and took a long hot shower to freshen myself up. I brushed my
hair and pulled it back, and pulled on a pair of jeans and a tank top. It was Monday and the
house was deserted. The boys were at school and Dr. Cullen was at the hospital I assumed.
I wasn’t exactly sure where Dr. Cullen went and why he stayed gone so long. He was never
home.
I cleaned the house, which was dirtier than I’d seen it lately since I was sick yesterday and
didn’t have the chance to do anything. After the house was decent I plopped down on the
couch in the living area. I was bored and feeling lonely, wishing I wasn’t alone. I was
growing used to the Cullen boys and craving their company. And Alice… I enjoyed Alice’s
presence immensely.
It was almost like I had friends. Real friends.
*****
La Mia Bella Ragazza = My Beautiful Girl

Bella Ragazza = Beautiful Girl
Maledicalo = Damnit
colpo di fulmine = literally means 'a thunderbolt'.... but is an expression Italian's use to
describe the feeling of being struck by love so intense that it's like being struck by
lightening... like "love at first sight".
Chapter 16 Love Is Like War
“Love is like war; easy to begin but very hard to stop” -- Henry Louis Mencken
“I’m going to take a shower. Whenever Alice gets here tell her to come up,” Jasper said,
standing up from the couch beside me. I threw my hand up with some half assed peace sign
so he knew I heard him. I was on my laptop, downloading some songs off of I-Tunes to load
on my IPod.
Less than a minute after Jasper disappeared up the stairs a round of knocks came from the
front door. I didn’t bother getting up to answer it, I knew it was Alice. Almost immediately
after knocking the front door open and she waltzed in. I could sense her presence and
glanced up, cocking an eyebrow at her. She was soaked from the rain, as it was fucking
pouring outside today, and she was staring at me with a frown on her face.
“Jasper said Isabella’s sick,” she said.
“Yeah,” I muttered, looking back at my screen. “Some stomach bug or some shit.” Dad had
said he found her on her bathroom floor, puking her guts out, and that she’d be spending
the day in her room. He told us to leave her alone and not ask her for anything. I didn’t
intend to anyway, I could fend for myself well enough, but I’d been a bit disappointed that
it meant I wouldn’t see her all day.
“Jasper’s in the shower, he said to go up there,” I said after a moment, glancing back up at
her. She sighed and nodded, turning and heading for the stairs. I turned my attention back
to the screen and my laptop dinged. I sighed, rolling my eyes when I saw it was an instant
message from JStanley4387. I mean, fuck me, couldn’t she be more creative with that shit?
Jstanley4387: Wut u doin?
‘You in about 10 minutes if you get your ass over here’ I typed. I went back to ITunes and
after a moment it dinged again.
Jstanley4387: hehehe
I rolled my eyes. No one ever said she was a fucking intellectual, that’s for sure.
Jstanley4387: U rly wnt me 2 cum?
I groaned, shaking my head. I hated text speak, can’t these fuckers type out their words or
is that too much goddamn work for their feeble minds to remember fucking vowels?
‘I have every intention of making you cum so hurry up’ I typed. I signed off and grabbed my
IPod, plugging it in to load it. I got up after a few minutes, walking to the kitchen to grab
something to drink. I was tense, my body needing some kind of damn release. I’d been
swamped with schoolwork, had a shitload of tests this week, and football practice was
kicking my ass so I’ve had little time for pleasure seeking. It didn’t help that I’ve had a
continual hard-on for a week, ever since that night on the couch when Isabella massaged
my back. No amount of jacking off has killed it and it was driving me crazy.
I heard the gravel crunching and glanced up out the window. I saw the little beat up red
Toyota Corolla and smirked. I met Jessica at the front door, motioning for her to come
inside. She had pulled her little piece of shit car right to the goddamn front door and still
used a fucking umbrella to get inside. Jesus, even Alice didn’t let a little rain bother her. I
didn’t understand it—I was about to fuck up her hair and get her all soaked with sweat any
damn way.
I can’t lie—I felt like shit bringing her to the house with Isabella here. But it was pouring so
we sure as shit couldn’t do it outside. No one was fucking in my car and there was no way I
was ever climbing in that death trap of hers, so it was really my only option at the moment.
I figured Isabella would never know, since she was held up in her room, sick. I’d just have
to make Jessica keep her fucking noises down.
I didn’t even want to think about why it bothered me to be fucking a girl with Isabella in the
same house. I never gave a shit before. It didn’t even faze me for my own father to hear me
banging the hell out of a girl.
Jessica was being all giggly and touchy feely and it was annoying from the get-go, but I
tried to ignore it. I draped my arm over her shoulder and we headed for the stairs,
ascending them quickly. We hit the second floor and I froze as my eyes landed on Isabella.
She looked fucking horrible, paler than I’d ever seen a person look before. She was
sweating and trembling slightly. It hurt to see her looking so rough and then I felt fucking
ashamed that I was standing there with Jessica, like she’d caught me fucking cheating or
something. Christ, what has gotten into me? There was no reason for that shit--I wasn’t
doing anything wrong.
She practically ran past us and Jessica snickered. I rolled my eyes and pulled her along up
the stairs. As soon as we got in my bedroom Jessica went straight for my neck and started
kissing and licking.
“Don’t you fucking mark me,” I said, walking her backwards toward the bed. Her knees hit
the edge of the bed and she plopped her ass down on it. I pulled my shirt off, tossing it on
the bottom of the bed. Jessica started unbuttoning her shirt and pushed it off. She pulled
her pants down and kicked them off, lying back on her elbows to watch me in her bra and
panties. I undid my belt and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. I pushed them down
along with my boxers, my dick springing free. Jessica moaned at the sight of it and I
smirked. I knew I was blessed in both length and girth, and I tended to stretch girls out
when they took me in. Virgins had a hard time handling me, with how tight they were and
how big I was. I hadn’t taken many, I think I popped three cherries that I knew of, and I
likely made their first times a hell of a lot more painful than it should’ve been—not only
because of my size, but because I didn’t take it easy on them. They wanted to fuck me, so
fuck me they did. They knew what they were getting into.
I kicked my pants and boxers off and walked toward the edge of the bed. I reached out and
grabbed Jessica’s arm, pulling her up. I took one hand and grabbed my dick, the other
hand I put on the back of Jessica’s head. I pushed her forward and she parted her lips,
taking me in her mouth. She stopped about halfway down and I didn’t push her any
further, knowing she couldn’t handle anymore of it. I wasn’t that much of an asshole to
intentionally gag her.
She started moving her head and sucking me, getting me as hard as possible. I reached
down and unclasped her bra, pulling it off. I reached around pinched her nipple, making
her jump and yelp. She grazed me with her teeth and I hissed, throwing my head back. I
reached over and opened the drawer in the stand beside my bed, pulling out a condom. I
opened it and pulled away from Jessica, rolling it on. She scooted up in the bed and I
climbed over her, pulling her underwear down and off. She spread her legs and I lined
myself up, thrusting inside of her and filling her completely in one movement.
She yelled out and I groaned. “Keep your voice down,” I said, not wanting people to hear
her. Jessica looked at me incredulously as I usually didn’t give a shit but I just wasn’t
comfortable with Isabella hearing. I tried to tell myself it was because she was sick and it
would be rude as hell to keep her awake if she came back upstairs and tried to sleep,
ignoring that other part of me that just didn’t want her to fucking know what I was doing.
I grabbed her legs and placed her calves on my shoulders, pounding into her. She was
trying to keep quiet but she couldn’t help the noises, as I wasn’t taking it easy on her. I felt
the tension in me building already, my release coming quick.
I reached a hand down and pinched Jessica clit, knowing that shit would send her into
orgasm. She screamed my name and her pussy started contracting and convulsing as she
orgasmed. My release was so fucking close and I thrusted harder preparing for it. I felt that
familiar tingling coming, knowing it would be soon, when a loud ass bang ricocheted
through my room from the hallway. It sounded like someone had hit the wall beside my
door with something hard. I slowed my movements, startled and instantly pissed as the
distraction made the tingle disappear. I thrusted once, hard, hoping it would come back
again when I heard Alice scream for Jasper, a shrill panicked scream. It scared the hell out
of me, as Alice wasn’t one to get worked up and freak out. Something was really wrong.
I pulled out immediately, pulling the condom off and throwing it on the floor. I grabbed a
pair of flannel pants and pulled them on, running to the door. Jessica yelled behind me but
I didn’t give a shit about her right now. I swung the door open and my eyes widened as I
saw Isabella lying on the ground, out cold, with Alice squatting beside her. Alice looked up
at me, the panic in the face leaving a bit as she saw me. Isabella wasn’t moving, her eyes
closed, and if it weren’t for the fall and rise of her chest I’d swear she was fucking dead.
The feelings that shot through me nearly took my breath away. The fear and despair I felt
was intense. Standing there, looking at her limp pale body on the floor, I was fucking
devastated.
And then I knew it. I’d put up walls and avoided feelings, didn’t give a shit about anyone
but myself and my family by default, and this girl comes waltzing into my life and in one
fucking month wipes all that away. She tears my walls down and obliterates my hard
exterior, finds a way under my skin and into my fucking heart. And she does it all without
even trying, without even wanting to.
I fell for her. I’ve fucking fallen for her. In that one split second as I glanced down at her on
the floor in distress, I realized it. The reason I can’t stop thinking about her, the reason I
sneak into her room at night to watch her sleep. The reason I wonder what she’s thinking
and what she dreams of. The reason I look for her every time I enter a room, the reason I
listen so closely to the sounds coming from her room. The reason her goddamn laugh
makes me smile, the reason the sight of her makes my chest swell.
I care about her. No, scratch that. I fucking love her. I haven’t allowed myself to love
anyone since I lost my mother, telling myself the pain of losing someone wasn’t worth it,
especially when you live the life we live. I push people away and piss them off because it’s
easier that way. No one gets through to me, I always keep everyone at an arms length. But
she got in.
I pushed all those thoughts away, trying to forget them because I couldn’t be dealing with
that, and picked her up off the floor. I was a little startled by how light she was. Did the girl
even fucking eat?
Jasper came up and saw what was going on, running downstairs to get his cell phone to call
Dad at the hospital. Alice opened her bedroom door and I went inside, laying Isabella down
on her bed. Jessica came out of my bedroom but I didn’t pay her any attention, I couldn’t
care less about her right now. Not while Isabella was hurt. No one fucking mattered at that
moment except for her.
“Isabella? Wake up bella ragazza, open your eyes for me,” I said quickly. I didn’t even think
about what I was saying. I knew Alice was in the room and she knew enough Italian to
understand that I’d just called Bella ‘beautiful girl’, but the words just came flowing out. I’d
taken a liking to referring to her in my head. God, how had I not figured out I loved her
sooner?!
“Smack her or something, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” Jessica asked from the
doorway. I felt a surge of anger and snapped, yelling that no one was fucking hitting her.
Isabella’s eyes opened and she blinked at me. I felt relief instantly, the feelings inside of me
still so intense and overwhelming that I snapped at her, yelling at her for fainting, as if it
was her fault or she could help it. She thought she was in trouble and her eyes welled up
with tears, making me feel like an asshole for how I reacted. I tried to calm down and
explain it to her, telling her she passed out and it scared me.
She tried to sit up, despite my insistence she didn’t. She looked over at the doorway and her
expression shifted, confusing me. She had seemed slightly relaxed like she was okay, but
she looked almost devastated now. I was confused and slowly turned around, looking
where she had been looking. My eyes fell on Jessica and I realized she was wearing nothing
but my fucking shirt. I snapped at her, pissed off probably more at myself than anyone, and
told her to get dressed. Alice rushed out of the door right after Jessica did.
Isabella had her eyes closed. I stared at her for a moment and couldn’t help but fucking
smile. God, she was beautiful. “La mia bella ragazza,” I murmured, caressing her face. I
knew she didn’t know what it fucking meant and I was glad for that, but I couldn’t seem to
stop saying it. She opened her eyes and asked me what it meant and I told her it didn’t
matter, that she didn’t want to know.
Because it was true--she didn’t. If she knew I’d just called her ‘my beautiful girl’ it would
probably freak her out or frighten her. We stared at each other for a moment and I
searched her face for any sign that maybe she felt what I felt; maybe she was just as baffled
and twisted as I was. But she just stared at me like she was in a daze and I couldn’t read her
expression.
Jessica slammed the door to my room and I got up, irritated. I stopped her in the hallway
and she got all pissy with me, acted like she was jealous of the attention I gave Isabella. She
called her a fucking servant and I snapped. Jessica didn’t know the whole slavery bullshit
but she still looked down at her because she was apparently hired help and that pissed me
off. I kept my voice low but my words were sharp. I probably hurt her feeling and I’ll likely
never get into her pants again but I didn’t care. She wasn’t worth it anyway and I felt
protective over Isabella. I wouldn’t let her fucking disrespect her.
I went back to Isabella and she apologized to me and told me to apologize to Jessica for
her. I was confused at first but then she started to clarify and it struck me. She’d heard us.
She heard Jessica’s moans and screams and was apologizing for interrupting our fucking.
We were both embarrassed and I felt like an ass. I was so overwhelmed about everything
and the fact that she knew I was just screwing the brains out of that sleazy tramp sent me
over the edge.
I started rattling off in Italian, mostly incoherent nonsense. I was railing about how fucking
stupid I was and how messed up the entire situation was. I was ranting on about my
feelings and how ridiculous it was and how nothing made sense. I was so in a zone that I
hadn’t heard my brother approach.
He told me to slow down and I looked up at him, fucking horrified and hoping like hell he
hadn’t made out what I’d said. I thought maybe I’d gotten lucky for once, but then he
looked at me with confusion.
“Colpo di fulmine?” he asked. I felt dread course through my system. He fucking knew.
He’d heard enough to figure it out.
Colpo di fulmine. When you meet someone and it hits you like a goddamn lightening bolt--
Love at first sight.
I told him to ignore me, I hadn’t meant whatever he heard, and sprinted out of there. I
needed to think, I needed to clear my head. I went into my room, and grabbed a shirt and
slid on my shoes, descending the stairs. I went outside and hopped in the Volvo, starting it
up and throwing it in gear, flying away from the house. I nearly hit Dad’s car coming up the
driveway but didn’t bother to stop. I had to get away.
I drove to Port Angeles and stopped at a liquor store. I bought a fifth of vodka with my fake
ID, the cheap shit because their credit machine was down and I was low on cash. I didn’t
care though; the cheap shit would work fine. I rented a hotel room also using my fake ID
and locked myself in it, getting fucking plastered.
I eventually passed out and woke up around 11 the next morning. I was hung over like hell
and missed school but I wasn’t worried about that. As long as I sobered up and felt better in
time for football practice I’d be fine.
I checked out and walked out to the car, wincing at the fucking bright sun. I threw on my
sunglasses, knowing my eyes had to be bloodshot. I drove home doing the speed limit for
the first time in my life, not wanting to get pulled over because it was highly likely there
was still alcohol coursing in my veins. I’m sure dad wouldn’t be too pleased to have to come
post bail in the middle of a Monday afternoon because his seventeen year old son was
driving under the influence.
Yeah, I’m not so sure the cops would be pleased with the concealed .45 Automatic Colt
Pistol under my seat, loaded with hallow-point bullets either. I’m not even sure Dad knew I
had that shit—after the shit I did last year, I don’t know how he’d feel about me with
another fucking gun right now. But he knew it was always better safe than sorry, so I don’t
think he’d kick my ass for it at least. Dad loved guns, treated them like they had fucking
feelings or something. Fucking with a gun and not treating it properly was disrespect in his
eyes. Last time I touched his personal gun he nearly had a fucking panic attack.
I checked my phone on the drive home. I’d left it in the car, not even bothering with it last
night. I saw Jasper called and dialed my voicemail, listening to his message. He said he
hadn’t told anyone what he heard me say and for me not to sweat it, that it wasn’t his
business to be saying anything regardless of if it were true or not. I appreciated that, my
brother Jasper was a stand up guy and I’m glad that if anyone heard that shit that it was
him. Emmett would’ve told the entire world, thinking it was funny. And dad… well, I’d
venture to guess if dad even got the hint that I had romantic feelings toward the girl we’d
both be in danger. He’d probably beat the shit out of me for being so damn stupid and I
didn’t even want to imagine what he’d do to her. Probably make her disappear. Nothing
against Isabella, I’m sure, but I’m his fucking prince and the one that’s likely to follow in
his footsteps. I have no fucking clue about how the organization would take to a fucking
Mafioso prince falling in love with his slave. It would probably be an embarrassment for
Dad. I don’t know, honestly, but there’s no fucking way I’m approaching the subject with
him.
There’s no way I could avoid her, because that was just going to raise more suspicion. And I
knew damn well avoiding her wouldn’t make my feelings go away. I’d be her friend—we
could do that. We could be friends. I’d keep my feelings and compulsions under control
and no one would know any better, I could put on a fucking show if I had to, if her life
depended on it. And it probably did. I couldn’t get her killed or sent away because my
hormonal irrational self couldn’t control my impulses.
I pulled up in front of the house and climbed out of the car. I made my way into the house
and stopped in the foyer. I heard the TV on in the living room and walked in that direction.
I paused and smiled when I saw Isabella was sitting on the couch with the remote in her
hand, her head slumped over. She was asleep.
I stealthily took the remote from her hand, turning the TV off. I noticed she had goose
bumps on her arms and walked up to the second floor, grabbing a blanket from the closet. I
came back downstairs and carefully covered her up, not wanting her to be cold.
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed something to drink, heading up to my room. I
hopped in the shower and cleaned up, throwing on some boxers and a pair of jeans. I
grabbed a shirt from the closet and headed back downstairs.
I grabbed some crackers from the kitchen, needing to put something in my stomach to try
to settle it. I spilled some fucking water on the floor when I was trying to take some aspirin
so I wiped it up with a towel. I walked to the laundry room and tossed the towel in the
hamper, turning and heading back toward the kitchen when I heard the sweet innocent
voice.
“Edward.”
I paused and smiled, guessing she was talking in her sleep again. I’d snuck into her room
every night the past week and like clockwork, she said my name in her sleep. I was starting
to wonder if maybe she had some sixth sense and could tell I was nearby and that’s why she
mumbled it.
I turned toward her, needing to see that small smile playing on her lips that usually
accompanied my name, and froze. My eyes widened when they met the chocolate brown
orbs. She was awake and staring right at me.
“Hey,” I said. She smiled.
“Hi,” she said softly.
I ran my hand through my hair, contemplating what to do. I really wanted to go sit down
with her but I knew I needed to take my ass to school and at least make it to last period. I
had gym last period with Coach Clapp and considering he’s my football coach he’ll fucking
know I was playing hooky and likely try to kill me on the field with suicides as punishment.
She was looking at me expectedly, obviously wondering why the hell I was just standing
there. I sighed, resigned, and walked over to her. I grabbed the remote and moved the
blanket out of the way, sitting down beside her. Her eyes were imploring me and it was a
fucking invitation I couldn’t decline.
“You’re looking better today,” I said, turning the TV on. I started scanning through
channels, trying to find something decent on in the middle of the afternoon.
“I feel better,” she said. I nodded and settled on some random ass rerun of Americas
Funniest Home Videos. I sat back on the couch, slouching down some.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” she asked after a moment. I glanced over at her.
“Evidently,” I said shrugging. “But I’m not exactly known for doing what I’m supposed to
do.”
She smiled. “Rebel,” she said.
I smirked. I was pleasantly surprised at how relaxed things were. I expected some odd
tension, especially after all the bullshit that had gone down between us thus far, but she
seemed more relaxed now than ever before.
She was quiet for a bit so I glanced over at her, my brow furrowing when I realized she was
staring at my chest. I glanced down, realizing I still had yet to put my shirt on, and saw that
she was eyeing the tattoo on my chest.
“Time heals all wounds,” I said. Her eyes shot to mine and her brow furrowed.
“What?” she asked.
I sighed. “The tattoo on my chest. Il tempo guarisce tutti i mali. It means ‘Time Heals All
Wounds’.”
“Oh,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to stare. I was just curious about them.”
I smiled lightly. “It’s fine. Jasper, Emmett, and I all actually have it; we went and got it
together. The tattoo on my back is the Cullen family crest.”
She nodded. “And the one on your arm?”
I sighed. “It’s a design of the Claddagh, stands for love, friendship and loyalty. It’s an Irish
symbol, which is why it’s in the clover. My mom always wore a Claddagh ring, dad gave it
to her.”
I got slightly uncomfortable mentioning mom. She looked at me with surprise and I
realized no one had probably ever mentioned mom to her and she was likely curious about
why she wasn’t here. I wasn’t ready to have that conversation, though, so I changed the
subject off of her quickly.
“There’s another tattoo on my wrist, Fiducia Nessuno.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “There’s a tattoo on your wrist?” she asked.
I smiled and nodded. “I keep it covered with my watch usually, which is why you’ve never
noticed it.” I reached over and unclasped my watch, pulling it off. I turned my arm over,
holding my wrist out to her. Scrawled across the veins in small script were the words.
She reached her hand over and lightly grazed her fingertips across the ink. I felt the tingling
shooting up my arm from her touch and closed my eyes briefly.
“What’s it say?” she asked softly, still gazing at it.
I sighed, pulling my arm away from her and putting the watch back on. “Fiducia Nessuno.
Trust No One.”
I glanced over and saw her smile, nodding. I figured out of all of them, she’d understand
that one most. I imagine she’d didn’t allow herself to truly trust anyone either.
“Did they hurt?” she asked after a few minutes. I smiled.
“Somewhat. The one on my wrist did the worst. But I’ve felt worse pain.” She nodded again.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked after a moment.
She glanced over at me and nodded. “Of course,” she said softly.
“Why don’t you eat dinner with us?” I asked, curious. She looked surprised by my question
and started chewing on her bottom lip. “The truth. Whatever the answer is I can take it.”
She sighed. “I was afraid to face you,” she said softly after a minute. I nodded, slightly
surprised she listened to me and fucking told the truth, but not exactly surprised about the
answer. I had a feeling it was because of her avoidance of me.
“So why don’t you eat with us now? You aren’t exactly avoiding me anymore. Not that I’m
aware of anyway.”
She shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t really feel right. Someone like me shouldn’t sleep in the
same house as someone like you, much less sit at the same dinner table.”
I looked at her incredulously. “Christ, girl, someone really did a fucking job on you.
Whoever you were with before you came here must’ve been a real fucking dickhead.”
She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her eyes were full of sadness, despair. “I’m not so
sure he can be entirely blamed for how he treated us, considering children are a product of
their environment. After all, we only know what we are taught. Example is not the main
thing in influencing others. It is the only thing, Master Edward.”
My eyes widened and I stared at her with shock. She sounded like Yoda from Star Wars,
spewing fucking wisdom all calm and disconnected. There was absolutely no life to her
words, no emotion in her voice. She sounded like a goddamn robot, making excuses for
how she was treated. She called me Master for Christ sakes! And did she just fucking quote
Albert Schweitzer?!
I was stunned. There was definitely more to the girl than what met the eye.
“Are you sure you’ve never gone to school?” I asked quickly. Her eyes widened as she
looked at me.
“I’m sure. Why?” she asked, her expression looking scared and lightly guilty, like she was
hiding something.
“You’re smart. You just quoted Albert Schweitzer for Christ sakes. How did you know
that?”
She blinked a few times, looking frightened and confused. “I don’t know, maybe from
Master Charles. I’m not entirely sure where I heard it from.”
I cocked an eyebrow, staring at her for a moment. She looked almost guilty and I had a
sneaking suspicious she was fucking keeping something from me and I didn’t like it.
“Have you been with that Charles guy your entire life?” I asked, curious.
She hesitated. “I guess you could say that. He didn’t actually become my master until his
parents died when I was 12.”
“Were they just as bad as him?” I asked. She half shrugged and half shook her head. She
didn’t look comfortable talking about this but I really wanted to know her history, really
needed to know. It felt like she was hiding things and that got under my skin.
“They were indifferent mostly. The beatings didn’t start until after they died and grew
worse a few months ago when the master’s wife found out that…” she started, trailing off
quickly. She bit her bottom lip nervously.
“Found out what?” I asked.
She hesitated. “When she found out my parentage, sir.”
My brow furrowed. “Your parentage?” I asked, confused.
She nodded. “The mistress despised me when she discovered Master Charles fathered me.”
My eyes widened in surprise, shock coursing through me. Her fucking father did this to
her?
“Your master was your dad?” I asked incredulously, half yelling. She looked ashamed and
looked away from me, nodding.
“My mother was his family’s slave and he used her for pleasure purposes. He didn’t intend
for me to be created, the only reason I was born is because my mother kept me a secret.”
I sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of my nose. Her own fucking flesh and blood did this to
her. That was despicable.
“That’s just fucking wrong. Your own family? That’s immoral, unethical. They could’ve
treated you better. Fuck, they should’ve treated you better.”
She shrugged. “I suppose they thought they were being fair by allowing me to live. I
would’ve likely been murdered upon discovery if it weren’t for the fact that I looked enough
like Charles for his mother to connect the dots and realize I was kin. Maybe that was them
being ethical.”
I was quiet for a moment, sighing. “A man is truly ethical only when he obeys the
compulsion to help all life which he is able to assist, and shrinks from injuring anything
that lives,” I said, pulling out another Albert Schweitzer quote I knew. I peeked over at her
and saw a small smile grace her lips as she absorbed my words.
Yeah, she definitely knew more than she was letting on.
Chapter 17 Punishment
“Punishment - The justice that the guilty deal out to those that are caught.” --
Elbert Hubbard
I sighed and rolled over, glancing at the alarm clock. The numbers were a harsh bright
yellow that hurt my eyes even with the light on. I saw it was a few minutes past 6:00 am
and groaned. I was parched, my throat dry from thirst, and I’d been restless the entire
night and unable to really sleep for some reason. I felt slightly anxious and I couldn’t really
pinpoint why—something just felt off.
I sighed and sat up, throwing my comforter off of me. I climbed out of bed and walked over
to the closet, glancing around. I wasn’t comfortable yet walking around the house in my
short pajama shorts, as I felt slight indecent in them. I’d never worn such little clothes
before in Phoenix, even with the intense heat there. Charles’s wife would’ve freaked if us
slaves weren’t completely covered. I slid the shorts off, leaving them lying on the floor, and
slipped on a pair of black yoga pants.
I opened my door quietly, listening. It was silent, no sounds coming from Edward’s room. I
didn’t exactly expect to hear any though, with how early it was. He wouldn’t be up for at
least another 30 minutes if my estimates were right. I headed out and down the stairs,
hearing water running on the second floor indicating someone was up and getting ready for
the day. It sounded like it was coming from Dr. Cullen’s room. I made sure to keep quiet,
not wanting to wake anyone still sleeping. I made it down to the first floor and froze
abruptly, my eyes widening when I reached the foyer.
It was completely silent and dark, except for the faint glow of a light coming from the
kitchen. It filtered out into the foyer somewhat, slightly illuminating the platform the piano
sat on. I could faintly make out Edwards form in the glow of light. He was sitting in the
center of the piano bench, slumped forward slightly with his head down. I couldn’t see his
face from where I stood but based on his position I assumed he was staring down at the
piano keys.
I was slightly shocked. Jasper had insinuated that Edward was quite protective over his
piano, but it was the first time I’d ever seen him sit at it. I’d never heard him play it but I
assumed he knew how, considering he owned one. People just didn’t buy pianos for looks,
did they?
I was torn on what to do. His body language told me that there was something wrong, and I
felt like I was intruding on a moment and seeing something I wasn’t supposed to be seeing.
Something sacred--something personal and almost intimate. Plus, I assumed he hadn’t
heard me come down the steps, since he hadn’t turned or acknowledged me, and I didn’t
want to scare him. Edward didn’t react well to being startled, I’d definitely learned from
experience. So I was frozen in spot, torn.
I heard him exhale loudly, his breath shaky. He ran his hands up over his head, lacing them
through his hair. He gripped his messy bronze locks tightly, dropping his head even further
down. His body started trembling and I felt pain rip through my chest as a soft sob escaped
him. I was startled and shocked, confused and distraught. Edward was crying.
I took a step backward immediately, as quiet as possible, and turned around. It was
definitely a personal moment, one I’d seen entirely too much of as it was. It was rude of me
to spy or watch him without his consent. I grabbed the banister and started up the steps,
practically holding my breath and treading lightly because I didn’t want to be noticed. I
exhaled, breathing a sigh of relief when I reached the second floor. I definitely didn’t want
to invade his privacy or impose.
I headed back up to my room and sat down on my bed, confused. I couldn’t stop thinking
about him, devastated that he was downstairs obviously in pain over something. I still
didn’t know exactly what it was that I felt for Edward, exactly what these feelings were that
flowed through me. I’d never felt them before and I suspected, based on the pounding of
my heart and the prickly sensation on my skin, that they were romantic feelings. That truly
frightened me, as I never thought they were feelings I’d ever have to deal with, and I knew
there was no way I’d ever be in the position to act upon them. And even if I could I wasn’t
sure I’d ever want to, as he had gotten to me too much as it was. I had a soft spot for him,
he’d managed to get inside and stir me up, and that made me vulnerable.
What I did know, however, was that seeing Edward in pain also pained me. I didn’t want
him to hurt, ever. I wanted him to smile and be happy because his happiness meant
happiness for me. Did that mean I loved him? Was that what those feelings were? Was I in
love with Edward Cullen? Was I that pathetic to have fallen in love with him, the ridiculous
young slave in love with her master? Was I really that crazy?
I heard footsteps on the stairs after a moment and the sound of Edwards door opening and
closing. I got up and quietly walked out, heading back downstairs. I walked into the kitchen
and grabbed a glass, pouring myself some water. I was drinking it when I heard footsteps
approaching from down the steps. I glanced up, slightly nervous as seeing Edward this
morning only increased that odd feeling I already had, and I saw Emmett walk past the
kitchen toward the living room. He didn’t look at me, kept his eyes locked straight ahead.
I sighed, washing my glass out and putting it where it went. A few moments later I heard
more footsteps and walked to the doorway, spotting Jasper. He smiled lightly at me but his
expression was somber, the smile obviously forced for the sake of politeness. I followed
Jasper into the living room and he plopped down beside Emmett. Their expressions
matched, as they both looked depressed.
Something was definitely wrong, that much was clear now. It wasn’t just Edward, it was all
of them. It was as if a black cloud hung over the Cullen residence, bringing down everyone
inside of it. I felt like there was something I was missing, some piece of the puzzle I was
unaware of. There was an uncomfortable silence and tension lingering around, something I
hadn’t ever felt around Jasper. I felt bad, not liking seeing them upset. The fact that their
depression affected me was slightly startling also—had I grown to care for the other Cullen
boys also?
“Are you guys hungry? I could make some French Toast or something,” I offered. I was up
early and had nothing else to do at this hour, so I didn’t mind cooking breakfast at all. I’d
yet to actually cook them anything but dinner thus far. Jasper glanced over at me and
smiled, this one just as forced as the last.
“Sure,” he said softly. Emmett didn’t speak but glanced at me and nodded.
I smiled. “Okay,” I said, turning and heading for the kitchen. I cracked a bunch of eggs and
grabbed some bread, milk, vanilla and powdered sugar and started whipping up French
Toast. I heard footsteps behind me after awhile and turned around to see Edward walk in.
He had taken a shower, his hair a shade darker than usual and slightly damp still. He
opened the fridge and grabbed the orange juice, brushing past me to get a glass.
“Smells good,” he said softly, his voice sullen. There was no spark to his words, none of that
passion I was used to. Edward was usually always animated when he spoke.
“Are you hungry? I can make you some,” I said, trying to make my voice sound slightly
chipper, despite the fact that they were scaring me a bit. I didn’t understand what was
going on.
“You don’t have to do that, Bella,” he said, his voice still soft but a slight hint of that spark
back when he called me Bella. He’d started calling me it a few days ago, the day he skipped
school and we hung out on the couch chatting. He told me my name was Italian and I guess
he just shortened it, as Bella was apparently an Italian word. I didn’t know what it meant
and didn’t ask because it sounded sweet and I was afraid he’d tell me it was something
vulgar. I noticed he didn’t call me it in front of his family, so I guessed it likely wasn’t as
endearing as I wished. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss, I suppose.
“I know, I want to,” I said. He glanced at me and I noticed his eyes were bloodshot, dark
circles under them. He looked utterly exhausted and I had the fight the urge to reach my
hand out and try to smooth away the bags under his eyes.
“Okay,” he said, smiling lightly. His eyes lingered on me for a moment before he took his
juice and headed for the living room.
After the French Toast was done, I sat it on the table along with a bottle of maple syrup and
some fruit. I wasn’t sure how the guys liked their breakfast food but I made smiley faces
with a bit of whipped cream and used a cherry for a nose, hoping maybe it would at least
make them smile. The boys sat down and started eating quietly, none of them really
speaking.
I headed into the kitchen and started cleaning up. Dr. Cullen walked in after a few minutes,
dressed slightly casual.
“Breakfast duty?” he asked, his voice a bit dull. I smiled and nodded.
“Are you hungry, sir? I can make something for you.”
He shook his head. “I appreciate it but I don’t have much of an appetite. I’ll be home today;
I have some stuff to do here. I’ll be spending most of the time in my room down here on the
first floor beside the laundry room. Try not to bother me unless it’s an emergency. If you do
need me, use the cell phone I gave you and call my cell phone. Okay?”
I nodded. “Yes, sir.” Dr. Cullen said nothing else and I noticed his expression matched that
of his sons. He seemed a bit on edge, his eyes full of sadness.
He walked out of the kitchen and to the room across the hall. He pulled out a key and
unlocked it, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. I heard the lock click back in
place immediately. I had no idea what was in that room but whatever it was, I was pretty
sure it wasn’t anything good for it to be locked up so tight. I saw very little around the
house that would give anyone any hint that they were involved in organized crime, so I
imagined all of the evidence must’ve been behind that locked door.
The boys walked into the kitchen, putting their plates in the sink. They all murmured thank
you’s, exiting the kitchen quickly. They each headed upstairs to get their stuff for school. I
watched them come down after awhile, heading out the front door for school. Edward
hesitated in the foyer, obviously contemplating something, before taking a few steps into
the kitchen toward me.
“Make sure you get your necessary work done but try to hide out today and stay out of the
way,” he said, his voice still soft but there was a slight edge to his words. He sounded
serious, like he was subtly warning me. My brow furrowed, the words cryptic and slightly
alarming.
“Okay,” I said, nodding. He stared at me for a moment and looked as if he was going to say
something else, but eventually just sighed and shook his head.
“I’ll see you around 3:30,” he mumbled, turning and heading for the door quickly.
I sighed, a bit baffled. I finished cleaning up the kitchen and went into the laundry room to
get Dr. Cullen’s clean clothes so I could put them away. It was Wednesday so his sheets
needed washed and changed, but otherwise there wasn’t much work to get done. I had
Edward’s words lingering in my mind and decided I’d finish the work in Dr. Cullen’s room
and then hide out a bit, just in case. If Edward told me to, he had to have had a good
reason.
I lugged the hamper upstairs into Dr. Cullen’s room, sitting it beside his door. I felt slightly
weird being in his room with him home, as I’d never done it before, and it made me feel
like I was sort of invading his space. I stripped his bed quickly, taking the dirty sheets down
and throwing them in the washer. I went back up and grabbed some linen from the closet,
making his bed back up.
I walked over and grabbed the hamper, pulling it toward the dresser. I pulled open his top
drawer and froze.
Lying across the top of his clothes was a gun. It was silver and very shiny—so shiny you
could see your reflection in it. I’d seen guns before from a distance, mainly in the
waistband of people who visited the Swans, but had never been so close to one. Charles
preferred using his hands for violence and not weapons. I knew he kept one in the house in
Phoenix but it was locked in a box in the top of his closet. I knew Dr. Cullen had them,
being as he was involved in organized crime, but in my time here I’d yet to see one… until
now.
I hesitated, unsure of what to do. After a moment I reached down, picking it up cautiously,
intending to move it out of my way so I could put his clothes away. It was a lot heavier than
I expected it to be, which surprised me. I tried to hold it so I didn’t put any fingerprints on
the shiny parts, not wanting to smudge it, as it was obvious well taken care of. I stared at it
in my hand for a second, slightly stunned and in a daze about the whole thing. It looked
almost like a prop you’d seen in a movie, really old-fashioned looking.
I heard the sound of a click nearby and my head snapped in that direction, my eyes
widening immediately. Dr. Cullen stood just inside the room and had closed the door
behind him, shutting us both in. I felt intense fear rip through me at his expression. His
face was almost a calm blank mask but his eyes were practically glowing with rage.
I dropped the gun immediately, frightened. It made a slight thump as it landed back in the
drawer. The fire in Dr. Cullen’s eyes sparked even more at the sound of the gun dropping. I
closed the drawer quickly, still looking at him, unsure of what to do. He wasn’t moving, just
merely standing in place staring at me. After a moment he reached behind him, so
deliberate it felt like he was moving in slow motion, and grabbed the deadbolt lock on his
door. He turned it smoothly, the loud click nearly echoing through the silent room as he
locked the door. My heart started racing fast, my body trembling from fright. I’d made a
grave mistake, I definitely knew it then, and from the look on Dr. Cullen’s face I was in big
trouble.
I’d never seen him look this way, the intensity of his eyes, the way they darkened a bit and
became harsh—not at all like the sparkling crystal blue eyes I was used to. They were like
an ocean now, dark and clouded and swirling. There was an edge behind them now, a spark
of evil. Staring at him, I finally saw the Carlisle Cullen that had caused Charles to tense up
from fright. This man was dangerous, deadly.
He took a step forward and instinctively I stepped backward. His expression was still blank,
almost calm, but those eyes sparked even more at my recoiling away. I’d never been more
afraid of someone in my life as I was at that moment, seeing that rage. I didn’t know the
man in front of me at all.
He took a few more steps and I backed up against the wall. I was trapped, there was
nowhere for me to go. To get to the door I’d have to go right past him, and even if I
managed to escape his grasp initially there was no way I’d be able to unlock the door and
make it out of the room without him catching me. Plus, even trying to flee was pointless.
Running would only make it worse, as I’d inevitably be caught. There was no escaping him-
-I knew that.
Dr. Cullen stopped in front of the dresser. He opened the top drawer and pulled out the
gun. He eyed it for a moment, I guess surveying it to make sure I hadn’t damaged it. I
silently prayed to myself that I really hadn’t smudged it and that it hadn’t been harmed
when I dropped it in the drawer. I knew nothing about how to treat guns and was just
hoping they were as durable as they looked.
“Gun’s are beautiful things, real works of art. So powerful, so forceful,” he said after a
moment, reaching back in the drawer. He pulled out a gold collared bullet and held it up.
“It truly is amazing how much destruction and devastation something so small can cause.”
His voice was even and calm. It was like he was detached, no emotion at all. That
frightened me even more, my legs trembling as I stood against the wall. It was clear he
wasn’t happy by the look in his eyes and that meant he was holding back, bottling it in. He
was like a ticking time bomb.
“Do you like guns, Isabella?” he asked, glancing over at me. He had his eyebrows raised
expectedly, the fire still in his eyes.
“No, sir,” I stammered, my voice shaky.
He nodded, turning back to the dresser. He returned the bullet where he got it from and
shut the drawer. He stared down at the top of the dresser for a moment in complete silence,
holding the gun in his hand with it pointed at the floor. My heart was racing wildly with
fear.
“This is a Smith & Wesson 627 Revolver. .357 magnum, 8 shots. Hollow-point bullets of
course, to ensure maximum damage. I’ve got plenty of guns, from assault rifles to AK-47’s
to your run of the mill glocks and pistols. But this revolver… this is my favorite,” he said,
facing me and holding it up sideways in front of us. He was staring at the gun, his eyes still
burning.
He paused for a moment before his eyes shifted up to meet mine. My eyes widened with
fright as he moved his hand and pointed the gun directly at me. He walked forward, closing
the distance between us, and placed the muzzle of the gun right in the center of my throat.
He pressed hard and I gasped, the force of it blocking my windpipe and making it difficult
to breath. I was shaking and only able to take in shallow breaths of air and he just stood
there, eyebrows raised and staring into my eyes intensely. There was no compassion in
him, none of that understanding I’d come to know. It had been replaced by a viciousness
that scared me. My vision blurred over with tears and I felt some slipping down my cheek. I
was terrified and trembling, unable to move or speak or really breathe. Gurgling sounds
and gasps and the beginning of muffled sobs were escaping my throat, all blocked slightly
by the gun pressed firmly into my windpipe.
“Just a flick of a finger on the trigger can blow a hole through your neck, obliterating your
trachea and larynx. You’d die without a doubt, if you’re lucky it would even be quick and
painless, but there are no guarantees. Most likely you’d be unable to speak or breath, but be
perfectly capable of feeling until you eventually suffocated to death. But you never know
with a 357 point-blank range to the neck. The bullet may rip through you with enough force
to possibly even severe your head. Literally, blow your fucking head off.”
He let up the force of my gun against my neck a bit, allowing me to take a deep breath
finally. He gazed at me for second before pressing the gun hard again, harder than the first
time. He completely blocked off all air and my chest felt like it was about to explode. My
eyes widened even more as I struggled to breathe at all.
“So shall we see what happens when a .357 hallow point bullet rips through ones neck at
point-blank range, Isabella?” he asked. I tried to shake my head and make noise but it was
difficult with how hard he was pressing. The tears were flowing freely down my face, my
eyes burning.
A small wicked smirk came onto his lips, sending fear ripping through me. “Yeah, I think
we will,” he said. I tried to cry out and tensed up. I braced myself for the blow, for the pain.
I knew it was the end, I knew it was too late for me. He was going to kill me—I was about to
die. I just hoped I wouldn’t feel it, that it would be quick. I wasn’t ready to die, I didn’t want
to die, but there was nothing I could do to stop him.
From the corner of my eye I saw his finger move the trigger slightly, pulling it toward him.
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, waiting for the imminent explosion and jumped when
there was a loud click. The pressure against my neck dissipated immediately and I
collapsed to the ground, unable to stand on my own two feet. I was shaking and cried out,
frightened and confused.
“Look at me,” he said, his tone still flat and detached. I obliged, glancing up at him. “You’re
lucky the gun wasn’t loaded. You are never to touch a man’s gun without his permission, do
you understand?” I nodded frantically, still trying to catch my breath as I was
hyperventilating. “If I catch you touching my gun again, I will personally rip each and every
one of your fingers off with a pair of pliers so you never touch anything ever again. Now get
up and go to your room and clean yourself up and I’ll be there when I’m done with my work
for your punishment.”
He turned and walked out of the room, still clutching the gun. I sat there for a moment,
stunned and frightened. That wasn’t my punishment?! I was scared, unsure of what I was
facing. I pulled myself up on shaky legs and slowly made my way down the hall and up the
stairs to the third floor. I got to my room and got embarrassed and frightened when I
realized I’d lost control of my bladder and peed in my pants a bit from fright and that’s
what Dr. Cullen meant by cleaning myself up. I changed quickly, pulling on the first thing I
found which was the pair of black pajama shorts I’d pulled off earlier. I grabbed the first
shirt I saw in my closet, which turned out to be Edward’s football shirt. He’d told me to
keep it and refused to take it for some reason the one time I attempted to return it. Maybe
my wearing it desecrated it or something.
I sat on the edge of my bed, unsure of what to do. I heard footsteps on the stairs after
awhile and glanced over at the clock. It was only 3pm, entirely too early for it to be Edward,
so I knew that meant it was judgment time.
My door opened and I glanced up to see Dr. Cullen walk in with the gun in his waistband.
He was holding some rope, a few bandanas, a roll of duct tape, and a pair of handcuffs. My
eyes widened and I started crying again, frightened and having no idea what he was about
to do to me.
“Get over here by the footboard of the bed,” he said. I stood up and cautiously walked to
where he had motioned. I stood by the right leg of the bed and he came forward, squatting
in front of me. He took the rope and tied my ankles together, securing it tightly.
“Kneel,” he said flatly. I looked at him with fright and he raised his eyebrows at me. His
expression scared me beyond belief, his eyes imploring me to put up a fight. I had a feeling
this side of Dr. Cullen loved the violence, reveled in it and thrived, and would love nothing
more than to be able to use force and take his aggression out on me.
I wouldn’t do it though; I couldn’t make this worse than it was. He’d get his way, regardless
of whether or not I cooperated. There was no winning for me.
I grabbed the footboard and got into a kneeling position the best I could, the restraints on
my ankles making it hard. He pushed me further down so my butt was pressed against my
calves, positioning me so my back was against the leg of the bed and I was facing the door.
He sat the handcuffs down and grabbed my arm, placing a bandana in my hand. “Ball this
up into a fist,” he said, his tone firm and demanding. I obliged and he grabbed the roll of
duct tape and started taping my hand in the fist, covering it completely. It was
uncomfortable and I couldn’t move my fingers apart, but the bandana in my palm
thankfully gave me a tiny bit of room to flex. He repeated the process with the other hand,
making it impossible for me to use either one.
“Hands behind your back,” he said. I obliged, not wanting to fight. He snapped the
handcuff on one of my wrists, securing it tightly. He laced it on the inside of the leg of the
bed before securing it to my other wrist tightly, essentially handcuffing me to the bed. He
took the ends of the ropes on my ankles and tied it to the leg of the bed.
I was sobbing loudly. Dr. Cullen stood up and took a step back, eyeing me. I glanced up at
him, frightened and uncomfortable. He seemed to be contemplating something, and after a
moment he grabbed the roll of duct tape. He pulled a piece of duct tape off, ripping it with
his teeth, and pressed it over my mouth quickly to muffle my sounds.
“Don’t want your noises bothering Edward tonight while he tries to sleep.” My eyes
widened even more. He planned to keep me like this all night?! He glanced around and
cursed under his breath. “I forgot the blindfold,” he muttered, walking over and opening
my closet. Fear shot through me and I tried to call out to him, shaking my head frantically.
I wasn’t a big fan of the dark and blindfolding me would be the ultimate torture… I didn’t
even sleep in the dark anymore.
He glanced over at me and sighed. “Okay, I guess we can forgo the blindfold,” he said. He
shut the closet and started heading for the door. “I want you to spend the night thinking
about how lucky you’ve got it here. Maybe it will help you remember your place and remind
you that I don’t condone disrespect. I’ll be back in the morning before work to free you.”
Dr. Cullen walked out and I stared at the door as it latched shut, leaving me alone.
That odd feeling that I’d woken up with was still lingering in the put of my stomach. My
biggest mistake was even climbing out of bed this morning.
Chapter 18 Despair and Hope
"Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too,
can be given to one only by other human beings." -- Elie Wiesel
I let out a muffled sob after Dr. Cullen closed the door behind him. It had been three pm
when he came in, and considering he said he’d be back before work I estimated I’d be here
until at least six am. Fifteen hours. I was expected to sit here for fifteen hours holding this
position, which was uncomfortable and already slightly hurting. I had no idea how I was
going to survive this without cracking, but I guessed that was the point. He wanted to break
me. I’d been too complacent, forgetting who I really was.
Time went by torturously slow. I couldn’t see the alarm clock from where I sat so I had no
way to truly gauge the time, but every second seemed to feel like an eternity. The sun
started setting after awhile, the room growing darker. Every muscle in my body was aching
from my position and I tried to shift around some to alleviate the tension and pressure on
me but it didn’t help much. I had very little wiggle room, which I imagine was the point. My
knees were throbbing, both my wrists from the handcuffs and my ankles from the binds
burning. Even my fingers were cramping up and locking, my feet falling asleep. I tried to
shift my weight off of them, but the position of the handcuffs and the rope tied to the leg of
the bed didn’t give me enough room to move my body out of the way to do so. My back was
aching and throbbing.
I’d been beaten almost beyond recognition before, bloodied and bruised, but the torture of
holding the position I was in, alone and now in the dark, was the worst thing I’d ever had to
endure. I didn’t want to believe Dr. Cullen would intentionally be this cruel. The Dr. Cullen
I’d grown to know hadn’t been that blatantly malicious. Something happened to set them
off, to set all of them off. I had to believe that nothing I did made me deserve this harsh
punishment. I hadn’t meant any harm or disrespect, but had this been what Dr. Cullen had
meant in my room that day when he said sometimes we disrespect people without knowing
we’re doing it? Was that what I’d done? I only touched it so I could move it and do my
work, I truly hadn’t meant to do anything wrong.
I heard footsteps come up the steps after what felt like an eternity. They paused outside my
room and I grew frightened again, not knowing who it was. I was desperately afraid of Dr.
Cullen returning and deciding this wasn’t enough. He hadn’t actually laid a single finger on
me, hadn’t struck me at all which surprised me. I was afraid he’d come back at some point
and want to hit me to show his strength, as that’s always what Charles did. I once
overheard Charles telling someone on the phone that nothing puts a slave in their place
quicker than a blow to the face. But after a moment the footsteps continued on and I heard
Edward’s door open and close.
The pain only grew from there, the sting and burn of my body intensifying. I started crying
again eventually, utterly exhausted but the aches keeping me from falling asleep. It felt like
someone had taken knives and stabbed me repeatedly in the knees. My legs underneath me
had fallen asleep, that painful sharp piercing pain coursing through my calves. The
exhaustion finally won out, however, and I drifted into unconsciousness eventually.
Something startled me awake after awhile and I cried out, the pain in my body nearly
explosive the moment I opened my eyes. I understood now why he’d duct taped my mouth,
as it muffled the sounds and without it I likely would’ve woken up Edward and possibly the
rest of them. I had no idea what time it was but it was pitch black now. I heard noise across
the room after a moment and my head shot up, my eyes widening with fear when I realized
I wasn’t alone. I squinted a bit, trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness and clear my vision
from the tears. I couldn’t exactly wipe my eyes so they were burning and foggy. After a few
seconds I faintly made out a form standing across the room in the shadows. It took a few
steps forward and I tried to recoil backwards, frightened and having absolutely no idea who
it was, but I was trapped in position. They hesitated, I assume realizing I was trying to get
away from them. My vision adjusted finally and my brow furrowed when I made out the
chaotic hair and sad green eyes.
I stared at him for a moment and he stared right back, frowning. We both seemed to be in a
daze. He finally walked forward again after a moment and crouched down in front of me.
He reached his hand out and I flinched and cried out. I wasn’t usually afraid of Edward, he
was volatile but usually only when you startled him, so I didn’t think he would hit me but
after the shift in Dr. Cullen so quickly I wasn’t sure about any of them anymore. The fact
that I drew back from him didn’t deter him, though. He brushed his hands across my
cheeks, wiping away my tears. His hand caressed my face for a moment, brushing across
my forehead and softly touching cheeks, even running his fingertips down across my nose.
I watched him in surprise, his touch soft and almost loving and the look on his face nearly
matching his caress. He finally ran his fingertips slowly across the duct covering my mouth.
“Oh, la mia bella ragazza,” he muttered. “I needed to make sure that you were okay.” His
words were soft but his voice was thick with emotion. I just stared at him, more tears
slipping down my cheek. He sighed.
“I’m so so so fucking sorry for this,” he said. “You don’t deserve this, my God how you don’t
deserve this. I tried to warn you but he managed to catch you at the wrong place at the
wrong time anyway. He knows better than to leave that goddamn gun sitting around,
especially knowing you’d go in there. Any other day he would’ve realized it was his fuck up
and not yours, but today of all fucking days for it to happen. Christ, he probably did that
shit on purpose.”
I didn’t try to make any noise or give any kind of nod, as it didn’t make sense to me. Why
would Dr. Cullen do this to me on purpose? I just stared at him questioningly. He sighed
and ran his hand through his hair. “It’s the anniversary of, uh… fuck. Why can’t I even
fucking say it?” he spat, running his hands down my face and groaning in frustration. “It’s
the day our fucking lives were ruined in Chicago, when we lost my mom. We all have a
rough day but he tends to get pissed at the world and can be pretty fucking irrational and
brutal, which is why he didn’t go to work.”
I nodded and dropped my gaze, finally understanding why they’d all been upset that
morning. He didn’t specify, but I imagined he meant she died when he said they lost her.
None of them ever spoke of her and I remembered how Dr. Cullen had grown upset on the
drive back from Phoenix when I brought her up. I didn’t even know her name, had never
seen any pictures of her. I guessed maybe they were too painful to keep around, too hard to
look at. Dr. Cullen said Edward looked like his mother, so I imagined she had the bronze
hair and stunning green eyes. I bet she was beautiful—had to have been to create the
creature in front of me. I wondered what exactly happened to her—whatever it was couldn’t
have been pleasant.
“I wish I could untie you but he’d fucking kill me. He told us not to come in here but I
couldn’t sleep, I had to know you were all right. If he caught me it would only make the shit
worse and I can’t do that to you. Christ, look at you! He even fucking duct taped your hands
into fists so you couldn’t try to slip out of the handcuffs. This is wrong, really fucking
wrong.”
I stared at him with shock when I noticed his eyes were welling up with tears. I didn’t
understand why he seemed to care so much, why he was being so sympathetic. I simply
nodded in response, obviously unable to speak. He sat there for a few moments, just gazing
at me. His expression was so full of compassion and sadness, which was both comforting
and startling.
He brought his hand up and wiped away more tears, reaching over and tucking hair behind
my ears. His fingers grazed over the duct tape on my lips once more and he sighed.
“I’ll be back for you in the morning, okay? You stay strong tesoro mio, it’s almost over. And
I swear to you, I’ll never fucking let anything like this happen again.”
I nodded and he stood up, running his hands through his hair. He stared down at me for a
moment before turning and heading for the door.
My body was numbing slightly, obviously growing accustomed to the pain and adapting. I
barely felt my legs anymore, but my wrists were still burning immensely. It took awhile but
I drifted off to sleep again eventually.
“Wake up for me please, Isabella.” I heard Dr. Cullen’s voice and opened my eyes quickly.
His tone wasn’t as callous as it had been the day before so I was slightly relieved. He was
squatting down in front of me, staring at me.
“Good morning,” he said. I nodded at him in response, not wanting him to think I was
being disrespectful, but it certainly didn’t feel like a good morning to me. But I was going to
be as obedient as possible, as there was no way I could endure this ever again. Dr. Cullen
could tell me the sky was green and the grass was purple and I’d agree with him at this
point.
He reached his hand out and pulled up the corner of the duct tape over my mouth, gripping
it. “This will pull a bit, but I’ll be quick with it,” he said. He ripped it off fast and I cried out
as it stung. My eyes welled up with tears, as my lips were throbbing and burning, chapped
from the tape and being unable to moisten them.
Dr. Cullen moved so he was slightly behind me. He pulled a small pair of scissors out and
cut the duct tape from my hands, unraveling it and taking the bandanas from my hands. I
tried to flex my fingers and winced, crying out softly as it hurt immensely. They were
cramped up from being locked in position all night.
He unlocked the handcuffs, pulling them off of me. I brought my hands to the front of me
and went to rub my wrists, wincing again. They were cut up from the handcuffs digging
into my flesh and had dried blood caked around them. Dr. Cullen undid my ankles quickly
and stood up once I was freed.
“Please take it easy today, okay? I’ll bring something home for dinner,” he said, gazing
down at me.
“Yes, sir,” I said quietly, speaking my first words since yesterday afternoon. My voice was
gritty, my throat sore from sobbing.
He nodded. He hesitated, looking as if he wanted to say something else. I glanced up at him
and met his eyes. They were full of compassion again, sparkling crystal blue. I had to look
away quickly, unable to take it. I didn’t want his compassion, not right now. He sighed
finally, turning and leaving.
I stayed in position for a moment before shifting my legs around to straighten them out. I
cried out and felt the tears falling from my eyes, the pain shooting through my muscles
sharp.
I sat there for a bit, my head slumped forward slightly. I brought my arm up and wiped my
nose on the shirt. I remembered it was Edwards and felt horrible afterwards, but my nose
was running from me crying to much and there was no way I could get up right now to get a
tissue. I was just thankful I didn’t have to pee and hadn’t had to all night. It seems Dr.
Cullen had scared it all out of me yesterday and I didn’t have any opportunities to replenish
my system. I was parched, my body desperate for water. I was flexing my fingers and
moving my knees, trying to get the cramps out. My entire body felt like it was burning, my
muscles on fire. Every joint ached, and I had a crick in my neck from sleeping slumped
over. I was a complete and utter mess. I was mentally scolding myself for putting on shorts
yesterday, as it only made things worse. The exposed skin rubbing against the carpet really
tore my legs up, especially since I had sweat from sitting on top of them. The knees were
the worse, having to take so much pressure. They were rug burned and busted open.
After a few minutes there was a soft knock on my door and it was pushed open slowly. I
glanced up and saw Edward. He stood there for a moment, staring at me with a sad look on
his face. I didn’t speak, just gazed at him. I honestly didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know
if I wanted to thank him for coming in to check on me last night, as it was one of the nicest
things anyone has ever done for me, or if I wanted to yell at him for it, as I felt slightly
disgusted having him see me that way. He left the doorway after a moment and walked
over to me, crouching down in front of me. He held a glass out to me, filled with water.
“Here, drink this,” he said softly. I took the water and tried to smile at his generosity but
couldn’t manage it. Every move, even something as simple as a smile, hurt. But I was
immensely grateful for the water.
He held his hand out again and I saw a small yellow pill in his palm. I looked at him
questioningly and he smiled lightly. “It’s Dilaudid, strongest pain killer you can get. The
kids at school would eat this shit like candy if they could, it makes you feel good. It’ll take
the pain away.”
I nodded, taking the pill from his palm. I stuck it on my tongue and took a drink of the
water to wash it down. “Thank you,” I said, trying to clear my throat and get rid of the
scratchiness.
“You’re welcome. Do you think you can stand, tesoro?” he asked, standing up himself and
holding his hand out to me. I put one hand in his and gripped the footboard of the bed with
my other hand, trying to pull myself up. Edward helped as much as he could, trying to be
gentle. I got to my feet, thanks to him, but the moment he let go of me my knees went out
and couldn’t hold my weight.
Edward grabbed a hold of me before I hit the ground and I cried out in pain. His grip was
firm and rough and I knew he didn’t intend to hurt me, just reacted to keep me from
slamming into the ground. He quickly pulled me into his arms, cradling me. He groaned
and looked quite upset, which scared me a bit. I didn’t mean to fall; the last thing I wanted
to do was make him mad when he was being so nice to me.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, a loud sob escaping my throat as I cracked once again and tears
started streaming down my face. He glanced at me and his face softened some. He quickly
walked out into the hallway, still holding me, and pushed his bedroom door open. He
carried me inside and laid me down across his bed. I was confused and a bit shocked that
he’d taken me to his room but I just laid there, as still as possible. He disappeared into his
bathroom, returning a minute later with his arms full of stuff. He dropped it on the bed
beside me and sat down gently. He had a washcloth in his hand.
“I need to clean you up a bit, okay? I don’t want any of this getting infected,” he said, his
voice soft. I nodded, not knowing what to say. I was stunned and overwhelmed. Edward
reached over and washed my tear stained cheeks. The cloth was cold and wet but felt good
against my skin. He brushed the washcloth across my mouth, being extra gentle, and I
winced, as my lips were so sore. He picked up my left arm and ran the washcloth across my
wrist, washing off the dried blood. I did my best to ignore the pain and tried to not look, as
blood made me queasy, instead keeping my attention focused on his face. He looked to be
concentrating deeply, his attention fixated on what he was doing. There was a compassion
in his eyes though, lingering with a deep sadness.
He washed my other wrist, gently laying my arm back down. He sat the washcloth down
and grabbed a towel, drying them. He picked up a little tube and squirted a white creamy
ointment out on his fingers, rubbing it into the cuts on my wrists. After that he picked up a
roll of gauze and wrapped up my wrists, securing them with tape.
He glanced up at me briefly and smiled when he saw me looking at him. I gave him a small
smile and looked away, not wanting to be rude and stare. He reached over and grabbed the
washcloth, getting up and walking back into the bathroom. I heard water run and he
walked back out, having rinsed the washcloth. He washed the scuffs on my knees and put
ointment on them, forgoing bandages. He then washed the rope burns on my ankles and
applied the ointment to them, wrapping them with gauze and taping them up.
He sighed, turning to me. He gave me another small smile and grabbed a clear bottle of a
bluish collared liquid. I watched him with curiosity as he poured some out on a clean dry
cloth. “This is tape remover. I get taped up a lot in football; it deactivates the sticky stuff on
your skin. I know that shit can be irritating.”
I smiled lightly and nodded, so he knew I was listening. He rubbed my hands with it and
dried them off. “Keep your mouth closed, I’m sure it doesn’t taste too good,” he whispered
before bringing it up and rubbing it around my mouth. I closed my eyes tightly, as the tape
remover made my swollen lips burn even more and smelled horrible. After he got the sticky
stuff off he got up and grabbed all the stuff, taking it and tossing it into the bathroom.
He came back out and walked to the other side of the bed, sitting down beside me. He
opened a drawer beside the bed and pulled out a large tub of Vaseline. I looked at him
questioningly, wondering why he kept it there, and he smirked at my expression. “Trust
me, you don’t want to know. But I haven’t used this one yet so don’t worry.”
I smiled, having no clue why whether or not it had ever been used matter but realizing with
Edward sometimes it was definitely better not to know things. He opened it and ran his
pointer finger along the top, getting a bit on his finger. He sat the tub down and turned to
me. He reached his hand out and gently rubbed his finger across my mouth. I closed my
eyes and parted my lips, sighing contently as it felt good and the chapped burning feeling
dissipated instantly. He stilled his movements, his finger still lingering on my bottom lip. I
opened my eyes and saw him staring at me intensely.
He blinked a few times, shaking his head, and pulled his hand away. He put the lid back on
the tub and returned it to his drawer. “Are you feeling any better?” he asked. I nodded.
“I think I can walk now, so I can go back to my room,” I said softly. I wasn’t so sure if that
were true, as my body still ached a bit but it wasn’t as intense. I ventured to guess it was the
drug kicking in and not that I was actually healed at all.
He glanced at me, an expression of hurt on his face that startled me. “Is that what you
want? If you’d rather be in your room I understand,” he said.
“I just don’t want to impose, I know you don’t usually allow people in here,” I said. He
sighed.
“You’re not imposing, Bella. Shit, I’m the one that chose to bring you in here after all.
You’re free to stay as long as you need.”
His words surprised me. “Okay,” I said softly. “Thank you.”
He nodded and stood up. “I’m jumping in the shower, I’ll be back in a few minutes. Just
relax, okay?” I nodded and he turned and walked into the bathroom, closing the door softly
behind him.
I lay there in the silent bedroom, listening to the sound of water running in the bathroom.
The sound was soothing and I started to relax. The drug really started kicking in eventually,
every ounce of pain disappearing from my body like a wave. I felt like I was floating in air, a
tingly sensation coursing through me. I felt good, almost happy, and that was startling
given the situation. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, I shouldn’t be able to smile or feel
happiness. I was a slave who apparently disrespected her master and just endured an entire
night of punishment. I should still be feeling that pain, be feeling that fear.
But I wasn’t, not right now at least. I sighed contently after a moment and closed my eyes.
Edward’s bed was comfortable, a lot more comfortable than mine and that was saying a lot.
I buried my head in his pillow and inhaled, chills ripping down my spine.
It smelled just like him.
*****
Tesoro = Sweetheart/Treasure
Chapter 19 Secret Sorrows
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often
times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
If I had to rank the worst days of my life, I think yesterday would definitely fall in the top
five. Actually, I’m quite sure it would rank number two. The only day worse than yesterday
was the day my mother Elizabeth died, and I’m quite sure nothing would ever top the
devastation of that horrific day. It’s been 9 years now since her death and we still grieved
the fucking anniversary of it like it just happened. I was still fucking inconsolable, although
no one knew it. No one knew I cried over the shit, or that I couldn’t sleep because of it. No
one knew I had fucking nightmares all the time. They didn’t know that I sat at my piano
and stared at the keys when I was alone, and wished she were still fucking here to play the
piano with me. She sucked at it, I was eight and better than her, but she played it any way,
proud as hell that she could stumble her way through ‘twinkle twinkle, little star’. No, no
one knew I remembered that shit or thought about it, because no one knew Edward Cullen
had feelings. Everyone thought I was cold and cruel, and hell maybe I was, but that didn’t
mean I did feel. I just didn’t show it to anyone, didn’t let anyone see me like that.
Dad was always out of control when the anniversary rolled around. He’d be angry, mostly
at himself, and take the shit out on anyone who was around. You blink wrong at him that
day and he’d fucking jack you up. The only time he ever got close to beating the shit out of
me was the 4th anniversary of her death, when I was 12. I learned quickly to avoid him that
day—we all did. He knew better than to try to go to work, as he’d probably take a fucking
scalpel and stab someone if he did. He opted to always stay home and isolate himself from
society for everyone’s safety.
The problem this year, however, is that he was fucking left in a house with a 16 year old girl
who barely knew him, didn’t understand his moods and triggers. Nona had learned that
shit quickly and got all her work done before he even fucking got out of bed and hid away,
and the second lady didn’t last long enough to have to go through it. But Isabella—she was
young and naïve. And my father was pissed at the world and looking for someone to take
his aggression out on. Someone to blame for something, anything, to try to divert his
attention off the blame he felt for what happened that day in Chicago. The day none of us
ever fucking talk about. Jasper and Emmett are saddened by it, as they miss mom, but they
don’t feel the same fucking turmoil dad and I feel. Dad feels the guilt for being the cause,
and I feel the pain for having been a victim in the shit and witnessing it.
I, like Isabella, have paid for others mistakes—namely, my father’s mistakes. I got the scars
to prove it—physical and mental.
I was distraught yesterday like normal, but more on edge than usual because I was worried.
Worried about what was going to happen at the house when I was in school. What was
going to set Dad off, if he was going to hurt her in any way. There wasn’t shit I could do
about it, as I had a big fucking exam I couldn’t skip and I knew dad wouldn’t write me a
note so I could make it up. I tried to stay home anyway, willing to fail my class to make sure
he didn’t lose control too much, but he told me no, told me to take my ass to school and get
an education. So I went to school and fucking hoped and prayed all day that she listened to
me. That she hid out and stayed out of his path.
The moment we walked in the door from school, I knew she didn’t. I knew he fucking found
a reason to take his rage out on her. He was standing in the living room, gazing out the
window into the back yard. He turned to face us and I saw the blank calm façade and the
fire in his eyes and that fucking Smith & Wesson revolver in his waistband. The worst fear
ever ripped through me at the sight of the gun and my knees nearly buckled.
Please fucking tell me he didn’t kill her, I thought.
“What’d she do?” Emmett asked nonchalantly, plopping down on the couch. My brothers
knew it also. Jasper glanced at me and frowned. I shook my head, fucking pissed and
scared, wishing he wouldn’t look at me because I knew he was aware that I was in love with
her. He’d keep my secret and take it to the grave but I felt like when he looked at me he
could read my every fucking thought and see my feelings and that drove me crazy.
“She had my gun,” he said flatly. My eyes widened in surprise, as did Jaspers.
“She had your gun? Where’d she get it?” Jasper asked incredulously, completely shocked. I
knew this shit was tearing Jasper up with his hatred of the violence. But Jasper was
passive, he’d keep it to himself.
“My dresser drawer,” dad said shrugging.
I got pissed immediately. I knew she had to put his fucking laundry away this morning and
so did he. He knew better than to leave that shit lying around in a drawer she’d have to go
into. I suspected immediately that he fucking did it intentionally; he put it in her way,
knowing she’d probably fucking try to move it, because we all knew Isabella well enough to
know she wouldn’t let anything stop her from doing her work.
“What did you do to her?” I asked, trying to keep my tone even and not let my anger show
but my voice was shaking anyway. I’d never raised my voice or gotten pissed about him
punishing the other women and knew if I did about Isabella he’d get fucking suspicious of
me. Jasper was always the one to get upset about it; I just shrugged it off and said ‘tough
fucking luck’ usually.
“I pressed it to her throat and pulled the trigger. It wasn’t loaded but it scared the piss out
of her. I sent her up to her room and put her in isolation for the night as punishment.”
My eyes narrowed slightly. He never left his gun unloaded. The only time there wasn’t a
bullet in that gun was when he fired off all 8 fucking rounds into someone and was about to
reload. I sighed with irritation, trying to keep my composure but I was pissed and about
ready to snap.
“Why was your gun unloaded?” I asked, my voice sharp. He turned and looked at me, his
face still blank.
“I’d just cleaned it,” he said, shrugging. He was fucking lying, I could tell.
My eyes narrowed even more. “You never fucking put that gun in your drawer without
bullets into it, you always reload it before putting it away,” I snapped, calling him out.
His eyebrows raised and I could see the fucking anger in his eyes. He wanted to rail on me,
I could see it. Yeah, he was pissed and was looking for a goddamn fight. He didn’t care who
it was, he’d even beat his own flesh and blood if it meant alleviating some stress and not
feeling all that weight and guilt he carries on his shoulders.
“Are you accusing me of something, son?” he asked, trying to retain his calm but his voice
flared at the end when he called me son. I stared at him for a moment, my eyes narrowed
and my anger showing but I didn’t care. I was pissed. I knew what isolation meant to my
father. He can call it whatever he wanted, but I knew it meant he fucking had her chained
up or bound in some way, using the same techniques the organization used when they
kidnapped people. I imagined whatever he’d done to Isabella was worse than anything he’d
done as true punishment in the past, as she’d now be fucking paying for everyone else’s
goddamn mistakes on top of everything. She was suffering right now in some way as some
goddamn twisted atonement for my mother’s death.
“Nothings going to fucking bring her back,” I spat.

My brothers both stared at me with shock and my dad’s blank calm mask slipped, his face
twisting with rage. “What did you just say?” he yelled.
“You fucking heard me. You can flex your fucking muscles and use your goddamn power
and intimidate an innocent girl and it’s not going to change anything. She’s still fucking
dead and you were powerless to stop it.”
The moment the words left my lips he snapped. He grabbed that gun out of his waistband
with lightening speed, not even fucking giving it a second thought. He raised it up and
aimed it right at my head. Jasper and Emmett both yelled, confused and scared shitless,
screaming for dad to stop. But I just fucking stood there, not even flinching.
“You won’t shoot me. I look too much like her,” I said calmly. Dad didn’t lower the gun but
his hand started shaking. He had a steady hand and amazing aim, everyone always talked
about how Carlisle Cullen had a perfect shot, but he was fucking rattled. Looking at me was
like looking at my mother. If he shot me, it would be like fucking shooting her. And I knew
damn well he would never do that.
“Get the fuck out of my face,” he spat, finally lowering the gun and returning it to his waist.
“Gladly,” I said. Jasper grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the stairs.
“And stay out of her room. All of you,” Dad yelled as he walked over and opened the door to
the room under the stairs. He went inside and slammed the door behind him.
I followed Jasper up to the second floor. “Damnit, Edward, what has gotten into you? I
don’t like the shit either but to throw mom in his face like that today of all days? Do you
have a death wish?” Jasper asked as he reached his room. I shrugged, sighing. We went
into his room and smoked a major amount of weed to try to calm me down. He didn’t
mention my feelings for Isabella but they were a big goddamn pink elephant in the room
for sure.
I went up the stairs to my room eventually, dreading it. I desperately wanted to check in on
her but knew dad was awake and the last fucking thing I needed was to be caught blatantly
disregarding his orders. So I went to my room and just lay there for a few hours, tossing
and turning and worrying. I literally worried myself sick and ran to the bathroom at one
point, throwing up everything in my system, and I couldn’t take the shit any more after
that. I knew Dad would’ve been sleeping so I crept across the hall and opened her door
slowly.
I froze inside when I saw her, my heart fucking stalling and pain ripping through me. She
was tied to the bed, on her fucking knees, with duct tape over her mouth. Christ, he’d never
been that brutal before. He was a doctor, he knew how much damage he could cause
making her kneel for a long time. He always let the last lady sit on her ass with her legs
stretched out, handcuffs on her ankles and her hands behind her back handcuffed to the
bed. That was fucking bad enough, but this? This was goddamn torture.
Isabella was sleeping, her head slumped over and snoring lightly, as she was trying to
breath through a nose that was obviously stuffy from crying. I closed the door behind me,
trying to be quiet, but her head snapped up quickly, her eyes scanning the darkness. She
spotted me and her eyes sparked with fear.
I went to her, trying to console her and fucking apologize for what she was going through. I
couldn’t believe I actually even said the word ‘sorry’, as I never apologized for anything, but
she had that effect on me. I wanted nothing more than to rescue her, knowing it had to be
painful as hell, but there was no way I could. If she got out of those bindings at all, even if it
were my doing, dad would probably blow her brains out. And Christ, she can’t go paying for
my mistakes too.
I called her sweet names, hoping they comforted her a bit even though she had no clue
what they meant. Girls usually liked it when I spoke Italian and Alice had said she was an
average teenage girl so I figured maybe it would help at least a little. I had gotten into the
habit of expressing that I cared about her to her face in Italian. She didn’t know what the
hell I was saying and never inquired about it, but it alleviated some of the tension in me
building up from fucking knowing I finally cared about someone and not being able to do
anything about it.
I told her to stay strong and swore to her that this would never happen again. And I meant
that. There was no fucking way I was letting her go through this shit again. I may not be
able to make her mine, but I could try to keep her safe at least. I fucking loved the girl and
that’s not something Edward Cullen does. I may only be seventeen but I wasn’t what I’d call
young or naïve. If push comes to shove, I can fucking fight dirty if I had to in order to
defend her. But I couldn’t carelessly place her life in risk and be the cause of her problems,
I couldn’t be the aggressor. I went back to my room eventually, lingering around until I
heard dad finally come up to free her. When he left her room I met him in the hallway. I
glanced at her door then looked at him questioningly. He just stared at me for a moment
and had the audacity to look fucking guilty. I knew my father, I knew he wouldn’t apologize
or ask for forgiveness, just as I never fucking did. And I was glad for that because there was
no fucking way I’d ever say I forgave him or that the shit was okay. He could live with the
remorse and let it sink in and eat away at him for a bit. Now that he got some sleep and was
level-headed and not wallowing in his guilt and grief he knew he fucked up.
“Someone will need to watch after her today,” he said. I nodded.
“I will,” I said as nonchalantly as I could. He looked surprised at my volunteering, which I

was fucking grateful for. He’d been so much of a wreck yesterday that he hadn’t gotten
suspicious of my acting out. I couldn’t let my emotions control me, not now that he was
thinking straight.
“I’ll call the school and get you excused from class and out of football practice. You’d be the
best to look out for her, as she has some wounds that need taken care of and you’re the son
whose usually getting hurt so you know how to treat that shit.”
I smirked, not because I was in any way happy with him but because he was telling the
damn truth. I was the master at first aide by now.
I got her some water and grabbed a painkiller from my bathroom. I wont lie, I have the shit
for recreational purposes. They’re the best of the best, make you float and forget
everything, and I knew she could fucking use one right about now.
I went into her room and had her take it. She couldn’t stand on her own so I picked her up,
opting to carry her to my room as it would be easier to fix her up there. I cleaned and
bandaged her wounds, doing my best to get the adhesive from her skin because I knew it
could be aggravating. Her lips were chapped and swollen and looked painful as hell, so I
grabbed some Vaseline from my drawer. She looked at it with surprise and I hoped like hell
she didn’t realize I bought the shit for sexual purposes, so I told her not to even ask. I
brushed some Vaseline on her mouth and she closed her eyes, exhaling what was damn
near a moan. My dick stirred, hardening at the sound, and a flash of her making them
fucking noises and writhing underneath me in my bed flashed in my mind. I froze instantly,
trying to push those thoughts away as it was no fucking time to be getting hormonal. She
was damaged and hurting and I was getting fucking turned on and that was just wrong. I
got up after a moment, making an excuse about taking a shower.
I finally calmed my erection down, thanks to some ice-cold bone chilling water. I climbed
out of the shower and dried off, running my hand through my hair. I slipped on my boxer
shorts and a pair of flannel pants and walked back into the bedroom.
I walked slowly over to the bed, pausing beside it. Isabella had her eyes closed and was
snuggled in my bed, the comforter wrapped around her and her face nuzzled in my pillow.
She looked like she was asleep, looking so sweet and downright cute—a surge of desire
coursed through me, but it wasn’t sexual. I wanted to fucking snuggle with her. I wanted
her to nuzzle me and wrap herself around me, not my blanket and pillow.
“Christ,” I muttered softly to myself, confused by my feelings. I’d never been interested in
that lovey-dovey shit before.
Isabella’s eyes popped open at the sound of my voice. She smiled brightly at me, a slight
twinkle in her eye I’d never seen before. It nearly stunned me and I smiled. She was
definitely feeling the high from the drug.
“Feel good, don’t you?” I asked playfully. Her smile grew a bit and she nodded. I chuckled
and sat down on the bed beside her, leaning back and propping myself up on my forearms.
“Aren’t you going to be late for school?” she asked. I shrugged.
“Not going,” I said. She looked surprised and I smiled. “Sorry but you’re stuck with me for
the day, hope you don’t mind.”
She smiled sweetly, snuggling the pillow even more. “I don’t mind,” she said softly. I
nodded and grabbed the remote for my stereo, turning on some music.
It was quiet for a moment. I could feel her eyes on me and after a bit I couldn’t take it
anymore. I turned to her, propping myself up on my elbow. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I asked.
She smiled lightly. “There’s nothing to talk about. I survived, that’s what I do. I’m a
survivor. I’ll keep on surviving until I don’t survive anymore.” I burst into laughter and she
giggled. “Yeah, that sounded weird, not very smart. I think I need a thesaurus.”
I shook my head, laughing, before her words struck me. I glanced at her curiously. I could
tell already that the drug was having a euphoric open feeling with her and wondered how
much I could get her to say, how much she’d confess without the fear of getting into
trouble. I knew she was keeping secrets and I didn’t blame her for it or anything, but I just
didn’t like not knowing things.
“I’ll buy you a thesaurus if you promise to use it,” I said. She smiled.
“Okay, I will,” she said softly. I stared at her and saw something flicker across her face, a
recognition of sorts. “You’ll have to read it to me,” she added quickly.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. “You can’t read it yourself?” I asked.
She diverted her eyes from me. “I thought Dr. Cullen told you. I’m illiterate.”
“He may have mentioned it, but are you really?” I asked. She hesitated and I jumped in
quickly before she could spout out a lie habitually. “The truth.”
“No,” she said hesitantly, her voice slightly shaky. She took her bottom lip in her mouth to
chew on it, a nervous habit I’d noticed of hers. She winced, as her lips were so sore and
swollen.
“How’d you learn how to read?” I asked, curious.
She sighed. “Closed captioning,” she mumbled. I started laughing and she looked at me
questioningly, obviously surprised at my reaction. Who the fuck learns how to read from
closed captioning?!
“I didn’t mean to laugh at you and shit, but that just struck me as funny.”
She smiled lightly, not looking as nervous. I guess she had been waiting on me to freak out
on her or something but why the fuck would I be mad that she could read?
“Yeah, I guess it is a bit weird. It wasn’t that easy to learn, I wasn’t allowed to watch
television so I only got occasional glimpses. The rest of the slaves taught me what they
knew, but it wasn’t much.”
I nodded. “Why’d you tell my dad you couldn’t read? I mean, he really wouldn’t give a shit
either way but he really doesn’t like liars.”
She frowned, sighing. “I didn’t, Charles did. Charles was still my owner at the time and it
would’ve mattered to him. I couldn’t exactly speak out of turn and disagree with Charles
when he told Dr. Cullen I was illiterate, I would’ve been slaughtered for being disobedient.”
“I don’t understand why it mattered to the Charles guy as to whether or not you could read,
what’s the big deal? Christ it would probably be beneficial, I couldn’t figure out how the
fuck you can cook so well and be unable to read directions.”
She was quiet for a moment. “An educated slave is a dangerous slave. Educated slaves have
confidence. They’re the ones who try to escape because they know they have a decent
chance at being able to survive in the outside world, being able to read and write enough to
function. The ignorant slaves are more dependant on you for survival, they’re easier to keep
under your thumb, Master Edward.”
I stared at her, slightly stunned at her quick shift in tone. She sounded like a fucking robot
again, like she was brainwashed.
“Okay,” I said, not knowing what else to fucking say.
She laughed lightly, looking over at me again. She looked amused slightly, that carefree
expression back. “Is that an ‘Okay, I get your point Isabella’, or is that an ‘okay, I’m just
going to agree with you because I don’t know what else to say’,” she said playfully.
I stared at her with shock, realizing she was picking on me, as I’d done that shit to her last
time she said ‘okay’ to me. No one ever picked on me that wasn’t related to me or fucking
someone related to me, no one had the balls to do that. I was too volatile, unpredictable,
they were always afraid I’d snap.
“You did that all fucking wrong,” I said, shaking my head playfully. “You didn’t even curse
once.”
She laughed. “I don’t curse.”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Not at all?” She shook her head no. “Why not?”
She shrugged. “Once you get in the habit of it, it’s hard to filter it back out. I’ve seen too
many people have teeth knocked out from saying unsavory things in the presence of the
master without even realizing they were saying them.”
“So not cursing has led to you being able to keep all of your teeth?” I asked, the thought of
someone busting her in the mouth pissing me off. God, I was getting too fucking possessive
and protective over her, especially after what my father just put her through. I felt the need
to shield her, although it was clear she was tough and could handle a lot more than most
people. Bind Jessica Stanley to a bed for half a fucking day until she’s unable to move and
bleeding and I guarantee less than 2 hours after being let loose she wouldn’t fucking be
laughing and joking.
“No, pure luck has led me to keeping all my teeth. As many blows to the face I took, I’m
amazed I’m not more disfigured than I am,” she said.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. “You aren’t disfigured at all,” I said, probably a little too
fucking firmly because she looked confused by my tone. But she was beautiful and
shouldn’t put herself down.
“I have a crooked nose with a slight bump in it,” she said matter-of-factly. I squinted a bit,
looking at her nose. I could see the bump but it wasn’t prominent or anything, it added
character. It was a cute nose.
I groaned to myself, rolling my eyes. A cute nose? Really, Edward? When did you turn into
such a sentimental pussy?
“There’s nothing wrong with your nose,” I said. “But how’d you get this supposed horrific
bump that bothers you so much?”
She stared at me for a moment. “My mistress kicked me in the face wearing a pair of
stiletto heels,” she said.
I cringed at that thought. “Why’d she kick you?”
“Because I scuffed her stiletto’s apparently.”
“How’d you scuffed her stilettos?” I knew it was wrong of me to pry so much but she was
being so fucking open and I was curious as to what she’d been through. I wanted to know
everything there was to know about her.
“I somehow scuffed them when she tripped me,” she said flatly.
“Why’d she trip you?” I asked.
“For fun?” she said. “Amusement? She did it often.”
My brow furrowed, my anger growing. What the fuck is wrong with people? “So this bitch
tripped you for a laugh, and then got pissed because she apparently scuffed her shoe in the
process, so she decided to kick you square in the fucking nose for it?”
She nodded. “Are you sure you don’t want to know what color the shoe was? I mean, you’ve
asked me everything else, why stop now?”
My eyes widened at her snarky attitude, as it was completely unexpected. She must’ve
realized what she said by my expression because her eyes widened and filled with fear, her
hand coming up to cover her mouth. She thought she was in trouble.
I blinked a few times and chuckled, still a bit stunned. “I am so sorry…” she started.
“Don’t be. I told you to speak your mind, I meant that shit. I just didn’t expect such
sassiness. You’ve got a fire in you. And if you want to tell me the color of the shoe, by all
means tell me. If you’re sick of my questions, tell me to fuck off,” I said. I smiled at her,
hoping she’d understand that I wasn’t mad about it. She dropped her hand from her mouth
and smiled lightly.
“The shoe was red, and I honestly don’t mind your questions. I can’t believe I just had an
outburst like that, though.”
I smirked. “It’s the drug, it tends to relax people when it takes away the pain, wipes the
filter between your brain and your mouth away. It’s why you’re being so open and honest
with me, why in the past half hour you’ve managed mock me, get snarky with me, and
confess to being able to read.”
She just stared at me, I guess absorbing what I just said. It was pretty fucking heavy all the
information she’s given away. “So I guess when the drug wears off, not only will I be in pain
but I’ll be embarrassed because of my behavior?”
I shook my head. “No reason to be embarrassed. I like the uninhibited you.”
She smiled lightly. “Well if you’ve got questions you better ask them now, because I don’t
know when you’ll see uninhibited me again.”
I nodded, staring at her for a moment. There was so much I wanted to ask, so much I
wanted to know… but what I wanted to know most I could never ask. I wanted to know if
she felt that spark between us that I felt.
“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen?” I asked instead. Talking about romantic feelings
was entirely too dangerous to approach.
She sighed. “Most violent or most traumatic?”
I shrugged. “Is there a difference?” I asked. She nodded. “Tell me both then.”
“Most violent was when Charles beat a teenage girl to death in front of me and then left her
body in the house for hours, just lying there on the floor. After he finally disposed of it I
was forced to clean up the blood and brain matter that had seeped into the wood floor.”
I stared at her with shock, not knowing what the fuck I expected to hear but it wasn’t that.
“And that wasn’t the most traumatic thing you’ve witnessed?”
“No. Death isn’t that traumatizing when it’s something you see on a regular basis, when it’s
always lingering around the corner. You get used to it. That one was horrifying because it
was the only other person my age I’d ever met before I came here.”
“So what was the most traumatizing?” I asked, completely fucking curious.
“Seeing my mother being raped. I didn’t understand it. I can understand and get used to
physical abuse, but having never experienced sexual abuse I’m sensitive to it, I guess a bit
naïve about the whole thing. I couldn’t exactly have empathy because I had no idea what
she was going through, what he was doing to her that she obviously didn’t like, but that he
seemed so happy about. I was only five the first time I woke up and found him doing it to
her, entirely too young to realize what was going on. It was traumatic and I’ll never forget
it, as it was my only glimpse into what sex is. My biggest fear is being raped.”
I sat there quiet for a moment, just staring at her, completely blown away by what she just
told me. I was immediately immensely grateful for whatever fucking pharmaceutical
company cranked out those potent little yellow Dilaudid pills that got her to be an open
book for me. “That’ll never happen to you here, you know that, right? None of us will ever
do that to you and if someone else ever tries I’ll fucking kill them,” I said, my voice low and
forceful. I meant the shit too. Just the thought of someone taking her against her will made
me feel murderous.
She glanced over at me and stared intensely for a moment, so intense it made me feel like
she was fucking seeing right through me. “Yes,” she said finally.
I nodded. “Look, I mean I can’t lie to you, Bella. I have sex, but I know you already know
that shit because you heard that day. Sex can be a beautiful thing between two people who
both want it. It feels good, can feel fucking fantastic actually, the pleasure unlike anything
else. But I’d never be with a girl unless she wanted to be with me, I’d never force anyone.
The girls I have sex with all want it,” I said, feeling like a prick, knowing sex was obviously a
foreign and scary concept to her since her knowledge of it was limited to rape.
“Do you love those girls?” she asked softly. I froze and glanced at her, completely stunned
at the question. Her expression was curious, her eyes all innocent and imploring.
“No,” I said softly, feeling bad about the answer.
She nodded. “Have you ever been in love?” she asked.
I just stared at her for a minute, unsure of how to answer that. I sure as shit couldn’t say
‘yes, I fucking love you’ even though that was the truth. But I didn’t like lying to her, since
she’d been so damn honest and open with me.
“Maybe,” I said finally. “I’m still trying to figure out exactly what love is.”
“Yeah, me too,” she said softly. I cocked an eyebrow at her and she smiled lightly. “It’s all so
confusing.”
I nodded, still staring at her. She stared back and it was fucking intense, stunning. Could
she really feel what I felt, was that what she meant? Was she confused about her feelings
for me? Could she love me?
She yawned after a moment and I chuckled. She had to be exhausted after the night she
had. “Why don’t you take a nap?” I suggested. She smiled.
“Do you want me to go back to my room?” she asked. I shook my head.
“No, you can just crash here,” I said, dreading the idea of her leaving. She smiled and
nodded. I looked away from her, not wanting to look like I’m staring or something although
that’s exactly what I wanted to do. I sat there for a few minutes, leaning back and staring
up at the ceiling, listening to the music playing.
“Edward?” she said softly eventually. I glanced over and saw her eyes open slightly,
indicating she was still awake.
“Yeah?”
“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen?” she asked softly, her words almost slurred from
exhaustion. I glanced back at the ceiling, contemplating whether or not to answer and how
much to say. It was a story I’d never told anyone. My family knew the technical parts
obviously but I’d never talked about being there and what it was I went through and
witnessed.
Could I tell her that shit? Tell her exactly how much we had in common when it came to
inner demons?
I glanced back at her after a moment and smiled lightly when I realized she was out cold,
probably fell asleep as soon as the words left her lips. She looked so fucking perfect asleep
in my bed, everything about it just feeling right.
I would’ve told her the story, I realized. I would’ve fucking said or done anything she asked
of me.
Chapter 20 Unlearning
"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to
unlearn." -- Gloria Steinem
I groaned loudly, probably too loud as the sound seemed to echo throughout the room and
cause my head to pound even harder. My entire body ached; muscles I hadn’t been aware
of were throbbing. I had no idea something as insignificant as a pinky toe could hurt so
much.
I opened my eyes, squinting, immediately confused by my surroundings. I tried to lift my

head a bit to get a better look at everything but it did nothing but send sharp pains through
my neck and head. I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head back onto the pillow.
I took a deep breath and nearly gasped as the intoxicating scent filtered through my nose
and lingered in my lungs. It smelled like sunshine and honey and oddly lilacs but had a
musky edge to it. It was heavenly and consumed every cell in my body. And it was entirely
Edward—the essence of him.
I realized immediately that I was in his room, in his bed, smelling the pillow that he laid his
head on each and every night. I was wrapped up in his blanket, the same blanket he
snuggled with every night. And despite the pain and the aches, my lips managed to curve
upward at that thought.
I recalled him bringing me in here and I remembered us talking but exactly what we talked
about I didn’t really know. It was all sort of foggy and I realized it had to have been the
drug he gave me clouding things. I hoped I hadn’t said or done anything embarrassing
while I was out of it, and surely hoped I hadn’t said anything to get myself in any more
trouble. The aches in my body that ran deep, entirely to the bone, told me that I couldn’t
endure another punishment right now.
I lay there for a moment, scouring my brain for information as to what we could’ve talked
about or what I’d possibly said. My eyes widened as I recalled telling him I could read and a
surge of fear shot through me. I didn’t remember him being mad, he actually laughed at me
if I recall correctly. He wasn’t going to tell on me, was he? I still wasn’t sure what to make
of him. Dr. Cullen had said loyalty was essential in his house and there were no secrets…
did that mean Edward would tell Dr. Cullen? I remembered talking about Phoenix some,
exactly what I said I wasn’t sure of. I got a flash of memory of him talking about sex and
how he had it, and him saying something about how he’d never do that to me. My heart
started pounding fast—how had that come up? Oh God, I didn’t tell him I had feelings for
him, did I? I thought.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to recall details of the conversation, when I felt the bed
shift slightly beside me. I peeked my eyes opened and saw Edward sitting beside me, gazing
down at me. His expression was soft, compassionate, and that seemed to alleviate my fears
almost immediately. I obviously hadn’t said or done anything too wrong for him to look at
me that way.
“Have a good nap?” he asked. I nodded and grimaced a bit because of the pain shooting
through my neck. “You hurting?”
“A bit,” I said softly. He smiled lightly.
“I can get you another pain killer,” he offered, starting to stand up.
“No!” I nearly yelled, stopping him. He froze in place and turned, cocking an eyebrow at
me, confused about my outburst. “I, uh… I’d rather not.”
“Okay,” he said, chuckling. “At least let me get you some Tylenol or something.”
I smiled. “Okay.” He got up and walked to the bathroom. I pulled myself up in a sitting
position, rolling my shoulders and trying to stretch my back to loosen up the muscles. He
returned after a minute with a bottle of Tylenol and a white tub of something. He sat back
down on the bed and opened the pill bottle, handing me two. He reached over to the stand
beside his bed and grabbed a half full bottle of water.
“I promise I don’t have any diseases, but if you don’t like the idea of drinking after me I’ll
go downstairs and get you your own.”
I smiled lightly, taking it from him. “I’ve already drank after you once before, after your
football game.”
He looked confused for a moment before smirking, obviously remembering I’d take a sip of
the bottle of alcohol he’d offered me. He leaned back on his forearms, watching me. I
started to a blush, slightly embarrassed at the attention of his gaze. I opened the water and
took a sip, popping the pills in my mouth. “Speaking of that day, I’m pretty sure I owe you
one for that massage, and I’m prepared to pay up,” he said, holding up the white tub. I
looked at him with shock and froze mid-drink. I gasped and water went down my
windpipe. I started coughing and sprayed water on myself and his blanket, choking. He
stared at me with shock at first before reaching over and starting to beat me in the back.
“Christ, Bella, are you okay?” he asked. I coughed a few more times, trying to catch my
breath, my eyes watering.
“Yes,” I spat out. “Fine.” I reached up and wiped my eyes. He sighed, running his hand
through his hair.
“It’s just icy hot, it’ll soothe your muscles. I’m not going to like, molest you or anything,” he
muttered.
I looked at him with surprise. “Oh, I know… I mean, I didn’t think you would ever touch
me… like that… you know,” I mumbled. “Just was surprised, that’s all.”
He glanced at me for a moment, nodding. “Good,” he said softly. “Anyway, yeah… lay on
your stomach.” He gave me a small smile and I returned it.
I sat the water down and rolled over onto my stomach. I closed my eyes and tensed up
slightly, waiting for his touch.
He seemed to hesitate but I could feel the bed shifting around a bit as he moved. I jumped
slightly, a bit startled, when I felt his hands on my ankles. He paused, I assume to give me
time to adjust to his touch, before he started gently rubbing my calves. He was rubbing
some type of cream into them and it smelled horrific, like a really strong nose-burning
mint. It was really cold to start with but it made my skin feel so warm and tingly,
completely soothing. I sighed contently as the soreness seemed to dissipate a bit.
He moved up to my thighs, rubbing the Icy Hot onto them. His movements were slow and
gentle; the feel of his hands on me sending sparks through my body. His hands moved
upward, stopping right at the ends of my shorts.
He seemed to hesitate a bit before his hands went under my shirt. He rubbed it into the
small of my back and sides. His touch tickled and I had to bite my lip to hold back laughter,
but I couldn’t stop from squirming a bit. He paused with his hands on my sides before
moving them up, grazing over the clasp of my bra. He started rubbing my upper back and
shoulders, slipping his hands carefully underneath my bra straps to rub in the ointment.
He removed his hands after a moment, sighing. “Sit up for me,” he said softly.
I opened my eyes and pushed myself up in a sitting position, turning to face him. He smiled
at me and took some cream from the tub. He reached his hands out and placed them
slightly above my knees, rubbing the front of my thighs slowly. I squirmed a bit again as his
hands moved upwards along my inner thighs. He was staring down at my legs, seemingly
in a daze. His touch sent sparks through my body, awakening every inch of me. He
removed his hands from my thighs after a moment, a light sigh escaping his lips as he
peeked up at me. He smiled lightly and took my arms, rubbing the ointment into them. He
finally took a dab on his hand and reached around, rubbing it into the back of my neck.
“There, all done. Feel better?” he asked softly, putting the top back on the tub and glancing
around. He shrugged after a second and just tossed the icy hot onto the floor beside the
bed, into a pile of what I assumed was dirty clothes.
“Yes, thank you,” I said, laughing lightly and shaking my head while looking at the tub on
the floor. I glanced around the area, noticing random crap lying everywhere. The floor was
littered with clothes and books and papers and pens and pencils. It wasn’t exactly dirty or
unhygienic, as there was no real dirt or food or trash. It was just utterly chaotic with his
belongings scattered around. The only thing put in its place was his music collection. He
had an entire wall full of shelves of music along with his massive stereo system. It was all
organized and I realized his music meant a lot to him.
“You’re welcome. And yes, I know, it’s still a fucking mess,” he said, glancing around his
room when he noticed my wandering eye. I smiled sheepishly, feeling slightly bad for
looking at his stuff.
“I can clean it up for you,” I offered.
He looked at me with disbelief. “I’m not going to make you clean my room,” he said, rolling
his eyes.
“I know, just thought I’d offer. You’ve been so generous to me that I’d love to do something
in return. Plus, it would give me something to do,” I said, shrugging.
He stared at me for a moment with an eyebrow raised. He seemed to be thinking, I assume

contemplating my offer. I really didn’t mind doing it for him. “Maybe someday,” he said
eventually, shrugging and turning his head to scan the disorganized room. “But definitely
not today. You are in no position to be tackling a fucking disaster like this right now.”
I smiled. “Okay, someday then.”

He glanced over at me after a moment, gazing intently. We were both quiet for a while and
the silence started getting a bit uncomfortable. I was trying to think of something to say to
take away the tension building up, to lighten the mood again, but I couldn’t seem to get my
brain to function properly in his presence. His green eyes were watching me and I couldn’t
seem to focus on anything but them.
“How well can you read?” he blurted out after a moment, cocking an eyebrow at me.
My eyes widened, his random question startling me. “Uh… I mean, not that great,” I
stammered. “I can recognize common words and can sound out a lot of other words but it
sometimes takes me awhile to figure it out.”
He nodded. “Can you write?”
“Uh, barely. I mean, I guess I know the basics but I’m not very good at it.”
He nodded again and everything grew silent. I had no idea what he was asking me for, what
it meant, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me a little bit. The past few days I’d grown
comfortable around Edward. I didn’t exactly trust him, as in my world it was stupid to ever
put trust in another. You have to look out for yourself first and foremost, and putting trust
in others only makes you vulnerable to be thrust in the line of fire. People will throw you
under the bus in a heartbeat to divert the attention from themselves.
I glanced around the room again, needing to keep from staring into those hypnotic eyes of
his, my gaze falling on his alarm clock. “Oh wow, I didn’t realize it was so late!” I exclaimed
when I saw it was already 4pm.
Edward glanced over to the clock. “Yeah, you slept for quite a few hours,” he said. He
started chuckling after a second. “You must’ve been having some amusing dreams, too.”
My eyes widened. I knew I talked in my sleep, my mother used to comment on it

occasionally growing up. I was suddenly extremely self-conscious and a bit scared of what I
must’ve said. I felt my cheeks grow warm as the blush crept into my face. He laughed.
“Aw, don’t be embarrassed. You didn’t say anything too crazy,” he said with a shrug, but
the fact that he emphasized the word ‘too’ didn’t escape me. I nodded but was mentally
trying to recall what it was I dreamed about so I could get some idea of what I may have
said. Edward filtered into my dreams often and I was afraid that I’d said something about
him.
My stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. I hadn’t eaten the day before, considering
I was handcuffed to my bed all evening, and had yet to eat today. I blushed even deeper and
he laughed again.
“Want me to go grab you something to eat?” he offered. I stared at him for a moment,
contemplating, before I shook my head.
“I think I should try to get up and move around a bit,” I said. He looked slightly hurt, a
strange expression flickering across his face. “I appreciate the offer, I really do! It’s just, the
longer I lay around the harder it’s going to be tomorrow when I have to get up and clean
and stuff.” I didn’t want to upset him or make him think I didn’t appreciate what he’d done
for me so far. No one had ever been as nice to me as he’d been today and I was truly
grateful for it.
He nodded. “I understand.” He stood up and held his hand out to me. I took it and he
helped me up to a stand. I was feeling a bit better, thanks to the icy hot and Tylenol, but
putting weight on my legs was a bit hard as my knees were so sore.
Edward kept a hold of my hand firmly and helped me walk toward the door. I had to take
small slow steps, wincing a bit as I put pressure on my knees. I was hoping once I got
moving around it would be easier, that my body would adjust. We headed out into the
hallway, Edward’s hand in mine, and he led me to the stairs slowly.
Descending the stairs was a bit hard, but Edward held onto me the entire time. We made it
down to the foyer finally and I sighed, trying to pull my hand from his. He hesitated,
keeping a grip on me for a moment. I looked at him questioningly and he sighed, finally
letting go. “Do you want something to eat?” I asked quietly. He was just gazing at me, the
look on his face unreadable. He shook his head no slowly after a moment. I gave him a
small smile, nodding, and headed into the kitchen on my own.
I opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. I glanced around, grabbing a pack of
wraps and some turkey and cheese. I made a quick wrap and was putting the stuff back
away when I heard Jasper’s voice. It hadn’t even dawned on me that I’d slept so late that
the boys would already be home from school.
“Is she okay?” Jasper asked Edward, his voice low but loud enough for me to hear where I
was standing. I smiled lightly at the fact that Jasper was worried about me. He was a sweet
person, so compassionate.
“As okay as she can be, I guess. She’s a shitload tougher than I thought,” Edward replied
with.
“Yeah, I’m surprised to see her up already. When Dad punished Janet the first time she was
out of commission for two days at least,” Jasper whispered.
“Yeah, well, Isabella got it worse. He barely gave her any fucking room to move, tied her to
the bed kneeling. I can’t believe he did that shit, he fucking knows better,” Edward said.
“You went in there last night?!’ Jasper asked “Christ, Edward, if you would’ve gotten
caught…”
“I didn’t. I just couldn’t let her in there alone, I had to make sure she was okay,” Edward
said. There was a hint of sadness to his voice that made my heart pound.
I heard Jasper sigh. “Are you okay? I mean, I know we haven’t talked about what you said
that day and I know you, you’re going to deny it, but I’m not stupid you know. I can tell.
And I know all this had to be hard…”
“Can we seriously not fucking talk about this right now? She can probably goddamn hear
us,” Edward snapped quickly, his voice loud and sharp. It sent a chill down my spine.
Edward had been so sweet and gentle to me all day long, but it was a reminder once again
that he had another side to him. A volatile dangerous side.
Jasper shut up at once. I stood by the counter, ignoring my throbbing knees, and ate my
food quickly. I turned and hobbled out of the kitchen, seeing both Edward and Jasper
standing quietly in the foyer. Jasper smiled sadly at me and Edward was staring at the
ground, looking upset.
I walked past them, a little confused about the conversation that went down and the thick
tension that hung between them now. What had Edward said that he’d deny now? And
why’d the mention of it make Edward snap like that?
“Fucking Christ,” Edward spat, his voice almost a growl. There was anger in it that was
somewhat frightening.
“Yeah, I see it too,” Jasper responded with, his voice lower and laced with sadness. I had no
idea what they were talking about and didn’t bother to stop to find out, part of me not even
wanting to know. I used the downstairs bathroom and headed back out to find Jasper
waiting right outside the door for me. I looked at him questioningly and he smiled lightly.
He took my arm and led me over to the couch, sitting me down carefully. He positioned me
so I was lying down and my eyes widened with surprise as he sat down, grabbing my legs
and putting them across his lap.
Edward walked in the room, carrying what looked like two first aide ice packs. He walked
over and carefully sat them slightly on top of my knees, positioning them so they didn’t fall.
I hissed at the coldness and looked at him questioningly.
“Your knees are swelling, the shit has to be painful. The cold will bring it down some,” he
said. I nodded, gazing up at him. He smiled lightly before walking over and practically
throwing himself down in a chair.
Jasper picked up the remote and I smiled lightly as he put an episode of Jeopardy on that
the DVR had recorded. Edward groaned, obviously having endured countless hours of the
game show with his brother over the years, but otherwise didn’t make any comment.
We sat there, casually chatting and watching TV. I had to laugh at some of Jasper’s answers
to the Jeopardy questions. At one point I even got a question right and both Edward and
Jasper looked at me with shock, neither one of them knowing the answer.
Jasper reached over and started massaging my feet at one point. I told him he didn’t have
to do all that, that I was used to dealing with pain, but he blew me off and did it anyway. I
didn’t exactly have pretty feet, as they were the most abused part of me, so I was surprised
he’d even touch them. I sighed contently and closed my eyes after he refused to stop,
allowing myself to enjoy it as it felt amazing.
After awhile the front door opened and I tensed up as I heard female laughter. Edward
groaned and my eyes popped open, my head snapping in his direction. He dropped his
head slightly and ran his fingers through his hair, looking irritated. I looked over in the
direction of the foyer and watched as Emmett and his girlfriend Rose walked in, followed
by Alice. Alice smiled brightly when she saw me.
“Hey Isabella!” she said. I smiled at her enthusiasm. I imagined it was nearly impossible to
be glum in Alice’s presence because she oozed happiness.
“Hello, Alice.” I felt slightly uncomfortable having my legs across her boyfriend, especially
considering he was still massaging my feet, but it didn’t seem to faze her. She leaned down
and kissed Jasper on the lips, squeezing in beside him on the couch so my feet were nearly
touching her.
“What happened?” she asked, glancing over at my knees. Jasper looked at me sadly and
opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off quickly.
“I’m clumsy,” I said simply. Jasper looked surprised at my answer and Alice smiled sadly. I
didn’t know if she believed me but I hoped so, as I really didn’t want her knowing the truth.
I was embarrassed enough about it as it was, having the guys looking at me so
sympathetically. I didn’t want her sympathy too—it would only make me feel worse.
I could feel eyes on me and glanced over to see Rose staring at me. She glanced at Jasper
rubbing my feet, giving him a look of disbelief, before her gaze wondered over and fixated
on my chest. She cocked an eyebrow and I suddenly felt self-conscious, glancing down. My
eyes widened when I realized I was still wearing Edward’s football shirt.
I didn’t exactly understand her reaction. She seemed to be irritated at my presence, not
entirely happy with the fact that Edward and Jasper were being pleasant toward me. It was
evident she didn’t like me and I was uncomfortable being near her. I barely knew her so I
couldn’t predict her moods, couldn’t predict what she’d do or how she’d react.
“So Edward,” Rosalie said finally, breaking the uncomfortable tension in the room. I saw a
small smile on her lips that frightened me slightly, as it looked mischievous. Edward
groaned.
“What?” he said sharply, his voice full of irritation.
“Who are you taking to homecoming?” she asked, sitting down on the arm of the couch
beside Alice.
He groaned again. “I don’t know, I don’t even know if I’m going,” he muttered.
Rose laughed. “Of course you’re going. And seriously, you need to figure the shit out soon
because you got half of Forks High in a tizzy over it. The girls are all holding out, hoping
Edward Cullen asks them, and that’s pissing the guys off because none of the girls will
commit to going with them.”
Edward sighed. “I know. I’ll figure it out by the weekend.”
No one said anything after that, but Jasper and Alice both frowned and shot Edward
sympathetic looks. I didn’t understand it, had no idea what homecoming even was.
We all sat around for a while, the rest of them chatting a bit but I stayed quiet. At one point
Alice reached over and tickled the bottom of my foot. It startled me and I pulled my foot
away instinctively, crying out as the pain shot through my leg from the sudden movement.
The icepack fell off of my knee and hit the floor. Alice’s eyes widened as she stared at me,
obviously not expecting my reaction. Edward jumped up quickly, groaning so loud it
sounded like a growl. He grabbed the ice pack and sat it back down on my knee carefully.
Alice tried to apologize but I shrugged her off, telling her it wasn’t a problem.
Alice and Rosalie got up eventually, both saying they had to get home. Alice said goodbye to
me and they walked out. About the time they hit the foyer the front door swung open
abruptly.
“Hey, doc,” Rosalie said. I heard a chuckle and tensed up, realizing Dr. Cullen was home. I
glanced over at the clock and saw it was only 5:45, meaning he was early.
“Hey, girls,” he said, greeting Rosalie and Alice.
“Can we have a Halloween party again this year?!” Alice blurted out excitedly, her voice
rushed and the words blurred together. Everyone started laughing, obviously finding
something humorous about it. I just sat silently.
“Of course you can. I’ll be out of town that day, though, so as long as you promise not to
destroy my house it’s yours,” Dr. Cullen said. Alice squealed.
“You won’t even know we had a party, I promise!” Alice exclaimed.
“Yeah, it’ll be cleaned up by the time you get back,” Rosalie said. “That’s what you got the
slave girl for, right?”
Her tone was slightly vicious. I looked down the moment the words left her lips, a queasy
feeling rolling through my stomach. I was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable there.
“Damn it, Rose,” Emmett said, sounding a bit irritated. I glanced up and saw he was
frowning. I looked beside me and saw Jasper was watching me. He smiled sympathetically
but I looked away quickly, unable to take it. I didn’t want his sympathy. I reached over and
took the ice packs off my knees, pulling my legs from Jasper’s lap and sitting up. I could
feel Edward’s gaze on me, could sense it so powerfully that I was surprised it wasn’t
burning holes through me. I couldn’t look at him, though. I didn’t want to see his
expression.
“Be nice,” Dr. Cullen said in a fatherly tone. The girls mumbled goodbyes and walked out,
closing the door behind them.
I sat still, staring down at the ground when Dr. Cullen walked in. He paused when he hit
the living area, sighing. There was an extremely uncomfortable silence and tension that
entered with him, worse than it had ever been before. I felt like I was going to be sick but I
fought it back, focusing all of my attention on a small spot on the floor. It looked like
possibly dirt, a smudge, and was making a mental note to scour it up later when I cleaned. I
tried to think of what chemical would be best to use and it was a completely ridiculous
thing to be thinking of at that moment, but I needed something to keep my attention away
from Dr. Cullen and the sickness I felt near him.
“Can you guys go up to your rooms for a few minutes? I’d like to talk to Isabella alone,” he
said eventually, breaking the silence. My heart started racing fast, fear coursing through me
so intense that my hands started to shake. I tried to keep my composure though and
continued to stare straight at the spot on the floor. Jasper and Emmett stood up after a
second and I could hear their footsteps as they walked out. Edward stood up and took a few
steps but hesitated as he approached his father. I glanced up briefly and saw he was staring
at Dr. Cullen, and looked as if he wanted to say something. Dr. Cullen was just looking at
him, obviously waiting to see if he was going to speak. After a moment Edward shook his
head and looked away, leaving the room quickly.
Dr. Cullen walked forward and my eyes shot back down to the floor, staring at the spot
again. He paused when he reached me, crouching down in front of me. He was blocking the
spot I’d been focusing on so I stared at his shoulder, unable to meet his eyes. He had a
loose thread on his shirt and I made another mental note to find the shirt and snip it off
later. I could feel his gaze on me but I was too afraid to look at him.
From the corner of my eye I saw his hand come up and I recoiled away, moving as far back
from him as I could. I turned my head away and pressed my back against the couch,
wrapping my arms around my chest. He paused briefly, seeing my fear, but brought his
hand up and laid it on my knee after a moment. The queasy feeling in the pit of my
stomach flared up when his skin connected with mine and I bit my bottom lip hard, trying
to keep it in. My eyes welled up with tears.
“You should stay off of these for a few days,” he said as he ran his fingers across the tops of
my knees and squeezed them lightly. I winced, as they were tender, and the feel of his
hands on me terrified me.
“I’m fine, sir,” I said quickly, my voice shaking. He sighed.
“You’ve got bursitis of the knee from kneeling so long. It’s when the little sac above the
kneecap gets inflamed and fills with fluid. You need to rest often and ice them a few times a
day until the swelling goes away. I’ll get you some ibuprofen to take also, as it’ll be a bit
painful for a while. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir,” I said.
“I also got the results from your exams back. You’re surprisingly healthy, given the
conditions you’ve lived in. You’ve got some anemia so I’m going to be giving you some
vitamins, and you’re of course underweight but other than that you’re fine,” he said.
“Okay,” I said, unsure of what else to say and not wanting to look as if I were disregarding
him.
He let go of my knee but didn’t get up. It was uncomfortable, him squatting in front of me
and staring at me, and I wanted nothing more than for him to back away from me.
“Isabella?” he said after a moment, his voice slightly softer than before. “Look at me,
please.”
I sighed and glanced over at him. His eyes were soft, his gaze slightly sad. There was
compassion in his eyes, sympathy that made me feel even sicker. I knew it was wrong but I
had to look away quickly, unable to bear it. I felt a tear slip down my cheek and mentally
cursed myself for being so weak. “I understand you’re upset. I know it won’t change
anything, but for what it’s worth I didn’t intend to be so cruel toward you.”
I nodded, unable to speak. I was afraid if I unclamped my jaw and opened my mouth to
speak I’d lose it. I didn’t understand, as I’d never had these reactions toward Charles
punishing me. I endured so much from him and was able to get up afterwards and push
forward. But in one night, without even raising his hand to me, Dr. Cullen shattered me.
“And ignore Rosalie. She often says stuff just to get a rise out of people,” he added, standing
up. He turned after a moment, heading out of the living room and going for the stairs. I sat
there quietly, trying to compose myself. I needed to put myself back together somehow,
build my walls and strength back up so I could push forward. I pulled myself up from the
couch eventually, wincing at the pain, and headed for the stairs. I got halfway up the first
flight when Edward and Dr. Cullen started down them. They both froze at the sight of me.
I finished up the stairs and mumbled ‘excuse me’, brushing past Edward and limping
slightly. Edward groaned, shaking his head. Emmett walked out of his bedroom and raised
his eyebrows at me.
“Shouldn’t you be taking it easy, girl?” he asked. I just stared at him, and shrugged lightly.
He rolled his eyes and walked over to me, and I yelped as he picked me up quickly.
“Christ, Emmett, be fucking gentle. She’s hurt,” Edward snapped.
“Oh relax, she’s tougher than you give her credit for,” Emmett said nonchalantly, heading
for the 3rd floor. He smiled lightly at me and pushed my bedroom door open, sitting me
down on my couch.
“Uh, thank you,” I mumbled, slightly stunned. Besides the times I hung out with him along
with Jasper, we didn’t have much interaction. Most of his time was spent with his
girlfriend.
“Don’t mention it,” he said, shrugging. He smiled and turned to walk out, closing the door
behind him.
The rest of the night flew by relatively fast, as I spent it in my room locked away. No one
bothered me thankfully, as I wasn’t in the state of mind to deal with any of them. I felt bad
for that, as Jasper and Edward and even Emmett had all been so nice to me, but I couldn’t
deal with the looks. I didn’t want their sympathy and compassion, I didn’t want them to
look at me like they actually cared what happened to me. I was nothing but a piece of
property they’d purchased to make their lives easier.
Despite the excessively long nap I’d taken earlier in the day, I was still exhausted. I went to
bed early, sighing as my head hit the pillow. It didn’t feel right, the bed not as comfortable,
the pillow not smelling like Edward. I tried to push that thought away, not wanting to deal
with it. I didn’t want to care about him.
I had nightmares that night. Nightmares of Dr. Cullen and that look he'd had in his eyes. I
woke up startled in the middle of the night, sweating and shaking and queasy. I jumped out
of bed and ran into the bathroom as fast as I could, which wasn't easy as the pain was still
so intense. I collapsed on the floor in front of the toilet, dry heaving and gagging. Hitting
the cold hard tile aggravated my knees even more, sending intense pain through my legs.
My eyes welled up with tears and I started sobbing, completely overwhelmed and shaken.
When my system calmed down and I wasn't heaving anymore, I laid down on the floor and
sobbed to myself. I cried for myself, and for my mother, and for every one else whose life
wasn't their own. I cried for every child in the world who wakes up each day without
freedom, who will never know a life without pain. I cried for everyone who never got to
experience love, who only knew a life full of abuse.
I woke up the next morning, still on the hard cold bathroom floor. I forced myself up,
ignoring the pain as sleeping on the floor had only made everything worse. The house was
completely quiet, everyone already gone for the day. I made my way downstairs, still
limping, but I pushed through it, refusing to give into it. I cleaned the house, scouring it
from top to bottom the best I could in my condition. The pain didn’t deter me—it pushed
me forward.
I was used to it, pain was something I knew well. Pain reminded me of exactly who I was,
reminded me of my place. I’d been forgetting it lately, so wrapped up in those tiny specs of
freedom I’d gotten my hands on. So in a way, I welcomed it. Every ache and throb and
sharp sting that shot through me was a reminder that I was still alive, that I was a survivor.
For the first time since coming to the Cullen house, something finally felt familiar to me.
Chapter 21 Significance of a Man
“The significance of a man is not in what he attains, but rather what he longs
to attain.” -- Kahlil Gibran
Homecoming.
I should be excited, right? It was my fucking time to shine, after all. Everyone paid me
attention the week of homecoming, all eyes on Edward Cullen—varsity quarterback.
Rose hadn’t been lying when she said every girl at Forks High School was holding out until
I picked a date. I didn’t care frankly; I couldn’t care less about any of those bitches. Just
because I took you to the dance didn’t mean you’d be leaving with me. I walked into school
that Friday morning, determined that I was just going to invite the first bitch to approach
me and get it over with.
Stanley didn’t count though. Bitches tended to guarantee giving it up on special occasions
like dances and I had no desire to fuck that sleaze again, even though she was back to
practically throwing herself at me daily. I frankly had no desire to fuck anyone at the
moment, which was crazy because I always wanted to fuck, so that wasn’t exactly what I’d
call a motivating factor. When Stanley walked up to me in the parking lot at school, like
clockwork, I blew her off. She could go with Newton, they were a perfect match—both
dumbasses.
I walked in the building and headed to my locker, freezing when I saw Tanya was blocking
it, her body leaning against the door. She had on the shortest fucking skirt I’d ever seen,
her long legs all bare and looking indecent. I’d be shocked if she didn’t get suspended for
that shit, but knowing Tanya she’d blow her way out of it. I shook my head and walked to
her.
“Good morning, Edward,” she practically fucking purred. I couldn’t help but smirk at her
attempts at seduction. Too bad for her that shit wasn’t going to work today.
“Good morning to you, too,” I said. I turned the lock on my locker and she luckily moved
out the fucking way before I swung it open, because I would’ve definitely hit her with it and
not gave a shit.
“Can I borrow your trigonometry notes from yesterday?” she asked, her voice still that
seductive purr. I had to hand it to Tanya--she could make even a word like trigonometry
sound sexual.
I shook my head. “No can do,” I said. I had them and knew exactly where they were but if
she wanted notes she should’ve paid attention like the rest of us. Plus, I had a tendency to
doodle on my papers and there’s no fucking telling what else she’d see on them. She just
looked at me, not surprised I said no since I always fucking say no when people asked me
for stuff, as I’m not a very giving person. I’m a taker, that’s what I do. I expect people to
give me shit but don’t give anything in return. Tanya stuck her bottom lip out in a
ridiculous pout after a moment that reminded me of some shit Stanley would do. I rolled
my eyes and shrugged, slamming my locker closed. “But I know something I can do for
you.”
“What’s that?” she asked, smiling.
“I can take you to the goddamn dance,” I said, shrugging. Her eyes widened and her smile
brightened and she looked like she won the fucking lottery, which made me smirk again. I
guess in a way I was the fucking lottery around this shithole.
So yeah, that was a fucking week ago. And for the past week Forks High School has been in
homecoming mode, in a frenzy like it’s the second coming of Jesus Christ or something.
And the entire time I’ve been in a bad goddamn mood, refusing to participate in the
ridiculousness.
My brothers fucking loved spirit week, as did Alice. Rose thought she was too good for the
shit but I could tell she was amused by Emmett’s behavior. As the week went on it got more
and more ridiculous, and I grew more and more irritated.
Monday was career day and Jasper wore one of dad’s lab coats and stethoscopes, whereas
Emmett wore a suit and carried a briefcase because he wants to be a fucking CEO or
something. They gave me a raft of shit for not dressing up. What did they want me to do,
put on some goddamn wingtips and carry an AK-47? Because the rate I was going, that was
my future.
Tuesday was Pajamas day, which irritated me to no end because of all the bubblegum pink
pajamas with ridiculous shit like poodles on them I was forced to look at. Christ, couldn’t
one or two of them be fucking reasonable and wear a goddamn negligee or something? At
least fucking give me something to look at. Emmett wore a pair of too tight superman
pajamas that showed entirely too much of the fucking bulge in his pants that day. Jasper at
least had the decency to rock something half-normal.
Wednesday was “childhood” day, which made me feel like a damn pervert being around so
many girls in pigtails and pink bows and frilly socks and mary jane shoes. Emmett, so
fucking help me, wore high water pants and a goddamn Smurf’s T-Shirt and brought a
fucking tricycle to school to ride around in the plaza. That was a sight I never want to
fucking see again. Jasper wasn’t much better in his overalls and dukes of hazard shirt. I
swear we never wore that shit as kids.
And Thursday was dubbed ‘crazy day’, where you were supposed to intentionally look
completely ridiculous. And boy did my brothers succeed with that shit. I refused to give
either of those fuckers a ride to school that day. I don’t even want to get into what they
wore, but I swear half of it they got from Isabella’s closet.
Today was school colors day and I’ve seen more bitches with blue hair than I can count. It
wasn’t cute—at all. But at least I blended in today wearing my football jersey.
Usually I’d love homecoming week, don’t get me wrong. And I realize I sound like the
biggest prick in the world, like I’ve got a stick up my ass or something, but I couldn’t help
it. I knew the exact reason why I’d been in a bad mood, and that reason sleeps in the
fucking bedroom across from me.
She’s been cold all damn week and it was driving me insane. It seems like ever since Rose
called her a ‘slave’ right in front of her she’s been fucking acting like one. She speaks all
fucking robotic and calls me Master Edward and I hate that shit. I swear I want to beat the
shit out of Rosalie for doing that but we all always just ignored her in the past when she
acted like a bitch and me speaking up now would be like waving a big fucking red flag in
front of everyone’s face. But I want the girl back that had napped in my bed and said
devastatingly cute and sweet things in her sleep. The girl that laughed and was open with
me. Because that fucking girl made me happy, and I realized without her I was just an
insufferable prick.
It wasn’t like I could do anything about it so I don’t know why I was being such a whiney
bitch about it. It’s not like I could be open about my feelings. Christ, I’d even found myself
daydreaming about taking her to the dance, as she was the only fucking one I really cared
to do anything with. I bet she’d look stunning all dressed up in a long dress that hugged her
body, showing off her curves. Because despite the fact that she was skinny as hell and
needed to eat more, she had a naturally curvy frame and a nice ass that I caught myself
staring at constantly like a fucking pervert. It was useless to think about all that though, as
I couldn’t take her. Even if she wanted to go, that would be like waving that fucking red flag
in front of Dad’s face again. But damn if I didn’t still dream about that shit.
And she’d been in pain all week, but was being so fucking stubborn and refusing to take a
break. She’s been cleaning and cooking her ass off. I just wanted to grab a hold of her and
shake the shit out of her and tell her to fucking relax. Because she was going to make me
explode if she didn’t fucking smile at me soon.
The fact that she had stopped smiling was killing me. I used to be guaranteed to see it in
her sleep when she said my name but that didn’t even happen anymore. Because she never
fucking slept. I heard her crying that night, the night after Dad did that shit to her. She was
fucking sobbing and it killed me to listen to it but I didn’t know what to do about it. I
wanted to go to her and try to console her, and I fought the urge for fucking ever not
wanting to be an ass and burst in there if she just wanted to be alone. Her cries died down
eventually and her room grew silent, so I snuck over there to check on her. I was confused
when I saw she wasn’t on her bed, but I saw the bathroom light was on and figured she was
in there. I wanted to go in and check on her but going in her room was bad enough, there
was no fucking way I could go into her bathroom after her. That was just fucking wrong,
the concept feeling perverted. So I went back to my room and tossed and turned all fucking
night, worried.
The next few days following that were just as bad. I heard her moving around her room all
damn night, never relaxing, never fucking sleeping. She cried nearly every night and that
ate away at me, broke my fucking heart. I didn’t want her to cry, didn’t want her to hurt.
But the way she spoke to me made me think that I was part of the fucking reason she was in
pain. And I wanted to go to her but I didn’t want to make it worse, I couldn’t do that to her.
Couldn’t be that fucking selfish. God, where had that sweet girl with the infectious smile
gone? I missed seeing her sleep, hearing her say my name and watching as that smile
curved her lips upward. I loved that shit. I looked forward to it. How pathetic is it that the
highlight of my day is when I sneak into some girl’s goddamn bedroom to spy on her like
some peeping tom? But yeah, it hadn’t been happening and I was fucking miserable
because of it.
I rode in the homecoming parade after school, smiling and waving like some fucking
celebrity. Bitches screamed my name but I just couldn’t give a shit. Isabella was under my
skin.
After the parade I jumped in my Volvo and was going to meet the guys for something to eat
before the game as we usually did, even though I wasn’t exactly in the mood to. But it was
tradition, and you can’t break a fucking tradition like that before a big game. That just
begging for bad luck. I was sitting in the parking lot of the school, trying to clear my head. I
had a game tonight and needed to focus and was finding it difficult to get Isabella off of my
mind.
The passenger door to my car opened and my head snapped in that direction, anger
instinctively surging through me that someone was getting in my fucking car without my
permission. People knew how I felt about my car. Getting in my car without my permission
would be like fucking my girlfriend… if I had one. It’s a goddamn violation and you’d be
just asking for an ass kicking. My eyes widened slightly and the anger was replaced with
confusion when I saw tiny ass Alice climb in. She closed the door and turned to me, smiling
sweetly.
“Hey, Edward,” she said.
I smiled lightly. “Hey short stuff, what’s up?”
She shrugged. “Nothing much, just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
My brow furrowed and I looked at her incredulously. She was checking on me? “Why
wouldn’t I be? You know how I am, Alice. These people are feeding my ego today. What
else would a conceited fucker like me need?”
She laughed lightly but didn’t have a comeback. It was quiet for a moment and I started to
get uncomfortable, wondering what the fuck she really wanted. There had to be more to it
than just checking on me, as that didn’t make any sense. She sighed after a moment,
shaking her head. “I told you it would happen but you doubted me,” she said softly.
I narrowed my eyes at her slightly. “Told me what?”
“That you were going to fall in love.”
I looked at her with disbelief and tried to play it cool and look like I didn’t know what the
fuck she was talking about, but inside I was frightened. There’s no way she could know, I
couldn’t handle someone else fucking looking at me all sympathetic because I went and
caught feelings for the only goddamn girl in the world I couldn’t have. Jasper’s looks were
bad enough, and if he went and ratted me out to his girlfriend I was going to fucking kill
him.
“Get real short stuff, you know the only fucking person I love is myself,” I said, smiling.
She smiled lightly in return. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Edward. I know you love
her.”
I shook my head. “What makes you think I love her?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow
questioningly.
She laughed. “The simple fact that you didn’t even have to ask me who I was talking about
gives you away, you know.” I rolled my eyes, mentally cursing myself. I hadn’t played that
shit off well at all. “Plus, I’ve picked up enough Italian from you boys to understand some
of the things you’ve said to her.”
“Maybe you misheard me,” I said, shrugging. She fucking had me and I knew it, but I
wouldn’t just admit the shit right off the bat.
“Maybe,” she said. “But even without hearing you call her your beautiful girl I knew it. I
could just tell.”
I sighed. “Am I that fucking obvious?” I asked, slightly irritated. I slumped forward and
pressed my forehead against the steering wheel. I thought I’d been pulling the shit off
pretty good but evidently not.
“No, you’re really good at faking not caring, but I’ve never really been fooled by you.
Everyone thinks you’re just a cold person but I know you’re not. I know you just come off
that way because you’re sad. I knew one day happiness was going to walk into your life and
change everything, because you deserve it. Honestly. And I can tell by the way you look at
her that it’s her… that she’s your happiness.”
I groaned. “Yeah well, what fucking good is a glimpse of happiness if you can’t keep the
shit?”
“Why do you think you can’t keep it?” Alice asked, her tone full of confusion. I peeked over
at her and saw her looking at me questioningly.
“Seriously, Alice?” I asked, rolling my eyes. Was she really that fucking clueless? Could she
not see how fucked up the situation was? “Are we even talking about the same people here?
Look at me and look at her and fucking tell me we could ever work out. I dare you to.”
Alice huffed. I could tell I was irritating her and smiled lightly. Alice didn’t often get
aggravated but when she did it was amusing.
“L'amore e cieco,” she said, her pronunciation fucking horrific but I knew what she was
saying anyway. Love is Blind. I guess she knew more fucking Italian than I thought.
“Love may be blind, Alice, but my father isn’t. I’m not worried about love killing us as much
as I am him killing us.”
She stared at me for a second before shrugging nonchalantly. “I think your dad would just
be happy that you finally let someone in your heart, no matter who she was.”
“Would you bet Jaspers life on that?” I asked. My voice was sharper than I intended and I
knew she didn’t deserve to have me snapping at her as she was just trying to help, but I was
irritated. She just stared at me, startled by my tone. “Because I can’t exactly put Isabella’s
life on the line on a hunch that he just fucking might accept it. I can’t gamble with her life
just because my stupid ass went and caught feelings. God, I know I’m cocky but do you
really think I’m that much of a selfish prick to risk her life like that?”
She sighed, looking away from me. “Why do you even have to tell him?” she asked quietly
after a moment.
I laughed bitterly. “Do you seriously think we could keep it from him? That he wouldn’t see
the shit?”
Alice nodded confidently and I rolled my eyes. “He’s rarely there Edward and I know for a
fact you’re good at faking not caring. I think you could pull it off.”
“What about her?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow. I was trying not to fucking let her words
get to me, as the idea that I could actually have the girl made my fucking chest swell with
the feelings I was trying to suppress.
Alice smiled, shaking her head. “If you think Isabella isn’t queen at hiding things, you’re
crazy. I barely know her but I can already tell she has secrets.”
I smiled lightly, nodding. “Yeah, she does,” I said. I was quiet for a moment before
chuckling. “I learned last week that she’s not illiterate.”
Alice smiled. “I knew that, actually.” I looked at her with shock and she smiled. “I caught
her sounding out words silently at the football game. She was reading the names and
numbers on the football jerseys. I didn’t call her out on it, of course, but I noticed.”
I blinked a few times, a little stunned. “I wonder how my father hasn’t caught her doing
that shit.”
Alice shrugged. “Maybe he’s not as observant as you think he is, Edward. I still don’t think
he’d care, though, even if he were to find out. Well, at least he wouldn’t care enough to
actually hurt either of you.”
I shook my head. “None of that even matters anyway Alice. It doesn’t matter how I feel,
there’s no way she would ever feel that way about me.”
Alice’s eyebrows raised. “Why do you say that?”
“Have you met me?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. “I’m not exactly a nice fucking guy,
you know.”
She laughed. “Whatever Edward. Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’m just going
to say that when the time is right, you’ll know. You’ll see it for yourself.”
I shook my head. “We fucking own her Alice, she’s practically a piece of property. She calls
me her fucking master. How can she ever love someone that damn despicable, with that
much power over her?”
Alice smiled lightly. “L'amore e cieco,” she said again, opening the door and hopping out.
Love is fucking blind.
I started the car up and drove away after Alice got out, spinning tires because I was
irritated. I met the guys at the pizza place and they ate but I didn’t have much of an
appetite so I just tore a fucking piece of pizza apart with my fingers, taking my aggression
out on it. I was trying to center myself and push the shit from my mind so I could get my
head into the game. I knew tonight was important, it was fucking homecoming. We made it
back to the school eventually and dressed out and started warm ups and stretches.
By the time game time rolled around I was focused, thankfully. The crowd was cheering
loudly, the stadium fucking packed more than usual. I had no idea if Isabella had come to
the game or not, hadn’t even asked if they were bringing her, and I did every damn thing I
could not to look for her. I wanted to, fucking just wanted to see her, but I knew if I saw
her, it would only make that longing feeling come back. And if I didn’t find her, if she didn’t
come, it would fucking hurt. I knew that, so it was better just not knowing for the time
being.
The second half of the game started and I was attentive, but it was getting harder to keep
my head in the game. We were winning handedly and by the time the 4th quarter started I
was losing focus. I finally allowed myself to look up into the crowd, not able to take it
anymore, and my eyes drifted toward her almost immediately. My family always sat in the
same area every game for some reason; I guess they liked that spot. She looked beautiful
and was wearing a baby pink and mint green and tan striped shirt that made her skin glow.
When I started noticing shit like that, I don’t know. The only time I ever noticed a girls
clothes in the past is when they were fucking indecent and being thrown on the floor as
they stripped for me. Isabella wasn’t looking at me, was looking off to the side, away from
everyone, staring off into space. She looked sad, so fucking sad, and I could see the
exhaustion in her features from where I stood. I glanced over at my family briefly and saw
my dad actually came, which was fucking shocking since he was always too busy for shit
like this.
I looked away and didn’t allow myself to look again until the final whistle blew and the
game was over. Everyone rushed the fucking field, all excited that we won. Not like we
would’ve ever lost or anything, not with me running shit.
My family came at me, Emmett catching me off guard and tackling me—I went all game
unharmed only to be knocked over by my own brother. I pushed him off of me, which is a
lot easier said than done as he’s built like a fucking Mack Truck. Dad held his hand out to
me to help me up. I laughed when I got to my feet, shoving into Emmett.
“You did good,” Dad said, slapping me on the back. I smirked, happy that for once he was
congratulating me on something and not bitching me out for fucking up. I was still pissed
off at him about the shit he did to Isabella and had been giving him the cold shoulder all
week, but I couldn’t deny it made me feel good to have him congratulate me.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I glanced around, instinctively looking for Isabella, my brow

furrowing when I didn’t see her. Dad started talking to some guy who was evidently a
patient of his and Emmett turned his back to me, talking to Rose. I scanned the crowd and
spotted Alice and Jasper and took a few steps in their direction, freezing when I realized
she wasn’t standing with them.
I started to panic a bit, looking around frantically. She was here somewhere, I’d fucking
seen her here, but she wasn’t with anyone she knew. I was worried—there were a lot of
people in the stadium and I was afraid she’d be freaking out around so many strangers. I
hated the thought of her alone and scared.
I scanned the area and started walking around looking for her, bumping into people but
not giving a shit. That fucking instinct to protect her was flaring up and I was desperate to
find her, make sure she was fine. I spotted something green and pink from the corner of my
eye eventually, my head snapping in that direction. I froze abruptly at the sight in front of
me, my eyes widening.
She was in a slightly isolated grassy area over by the stands, standing with a guy. And not
just any fucking guy, a prick I would recognize anywhere. Those fucking torn up
camouflage cargo pants. The too tight white t-shirt showing off his biceps, trying to look all
big and strong. The long black shiny ass hair, pulled back with a rubber band. He thought
he was hot shit but he really looked like a fucking finocchio.
Yeah, I knew that motherfucker well, because it was the same asshole that made me snap
last year. He was the one that pissed me off and made me lose control. He was the prick
that got me sent away to that goddamn preppy boarding school, the one that nearly made
me destroy my fucking life. I hated him, fucking despised him, more than anyone in the
world. I wanted to snap his neck, just looking at him made me angry.
And he was standing beside the woman I loved, the only girl I ever fucking let into my
heart. He was talking to her, and she fucking smiled at him. She smiled. I’ve been waiting
all goddamn week for her to smile again and when she does it’s at him of all people. Why
him? Why the fuck hasn’t she smiled at me?
The murderous rage that surged through me made me shake. I just stood there, frozen in
spot, trembling and pissed off. I heard someone call my name nearby, and it sounded like
Emmett, but I couldn’t focus on him. I had tunnel vision, all I could see was my beautiful
Isabella standing beside that filthy mongrel Jacob Black.
The moment he reached his hand out toward her to touch her, I snapped. I started running
right for them, as fast as my fucking legs would carry me. I heard shouting behind me, my
brothers and Dad and what sounded to be Alice, but I ignored them. Someone was chasing
me, I could hear them running behind me, but I didn’t give a shit. He was going to fucking
pay for laying a goddamn finger on my Bella Ragazza.
I hit the chain-linked fence and grabbed a hold of it, leaping over it like some goddamn
track star. I landed on my feet and started running again, and I could hear someone leap
over the fence after me. Jacob and Isabella must’ve heard the commotion because they
both looked up at the same time. Isabella’s eyes widened with confusion and fear and
Jacob’s eyes narrowed when he saw me. Yeah, he fucking hated me too and I didn’t blame
him after what I did last year, but I couldn’t regret that shit. He deserved it—he deserved
much more. I was out for blood back then and wanted it just as much now. So I ran right
for that motherfucker. He backed up a few steps like the pussy he was when he realized I
wasn’t going to stop, but it was too late for him to run from me. His ass was mine. I
slammed right into him, sending him flying backwards onto his back with a thud. He
yelled, startled, and I landed right on top of him, my knee going right into his fucking
privates. He cried out in pain, as I probably crushed his fucking dick with my weight. I
drew my fist back to pummel his ass, determined to break his face, when someone
snatched a hold of the back of my jersey and yanked me off of him. I was jolted roughly, my
fucking jersey choking me around the neck. It startled me when my father got between us,
shoving me backwards and away from Jacob. I sure as shit hadn’t expected him to be the
one that chased after my ass so fast. Jacob’s friends from the reservation ran up and pulled
him off of the ground and he looked confused and shocked, I guess not expecting me to
actually make contact with him. He had his hands over his crotch and I probably would’ve
laughed and fucking mocked him if it weren’t for the look my father was giving me. He was
pissed, pinching the bridge of his nose like he usually did when he was trying to keep his
composure. I got that fucking habit from him. I shook my head, sighing loudly. I knew him
being proud of me couldn’t last too fucking long.
I heard more commotion behind me and turned my head to see my brothers run up. Alice
walked by me and gave me a quick glance, frowning and narrowing her eyes slightly. Yeah,
she apparently disapproved. She headed straight over to Isabella and I took a step to the
side, wanting to fucking see her to make sure she was okay. I knew Jacob hadn’t hurt her
but I knew she didn’t like people touching her. I mean, shit, she still flinched away from
me. But Dad grabbed a hold of my jersey to stop me, obviously afraid I was going to lunge
at that prick. I grabbed a hold of his hand and pried it off of me, which probably was a
mistake and likely pissed him off even more. If we weren’t in public he might’ve
intentionally snapped all my fucking fingers for it, as you don’t fucking touch Carlisle
Cullen. I sidestepped him so I could see her, my eyes widening. There were tears streaming
down Isabella’s face. She looked scared as shit, her body trembling.
I groaned. “Isabella,” I said quickly, wanting her to understand I did that shit for her own
good. I hadn’t meant to scare her. She glanced over at me when I called her name but
looked away quickly and stared at the ground, unable to keep eye contact with me. Alice
grabbed her arm and started leading her away from us, whispering something to her. I took
a few steps forward, intending to go after them, but Jasper jumped in front of me.
“You need to let her go and go calm down,” he said, his voice low, his tone sharp.
I narrowed my eyes slightly, fucking pissed that he was telling me what to do and was about
to argue when Dad butted in.
“I agree. I’m guessing this is the first time you’ve seen Jake since you’ve been back so I’m
going to try to be understanding and not get pissed about your behavior. But you need to
keep yourself in check, boy. Do you know what I went through to get you out of all that
bullshit last year? I’m not going to do it again and I mean that. I will let your ass go to jail
this time, so it’s in your best interest to learn your fucking lesson and fast.”
I looked away from him and nodded. I was fuming. I wasn’t ungrateful for what he did for
me but I was getting tired of him holding that shit over my head. This had nothing to do
with that, he had no fucking right to be around Isabella. He was scum and she was good—
too fucking good for him to be touching her.
I turned and stalked away from them, heading into the locker room. All the guys just
looked at me, not saying much as they saw what the fuck just happened. I changed quickly,
slamming shit around and cursing under my breath. I threw on a pair of jeans and a
wifebeater and headed out to my car, speeding like fucking crazy over to Demetri’s house
where the after party was. He was on the football team, a linebacker, and I knew he always
had plenty of fucking liquor.
I pulled up in front of the house, getting out and heading straight inside. The house was
already packed with people celebrating. I brushed by a few girls and none of them said
anything to me, I imagine because my expression told them it was in their best interest to
not bother. I was too fucking pissed off to deal with the female species.
I headed into the kitchen and found Demetri’s brother Felix. He took one look at me and
held out an entire fifth of vodka. “You look like you need this,” he said. I laughed bitterly
and took the bottle, unscrewing the cap. I brought it to my lips to took a big fucking gulp of
it, shivering as it went down. It was cheap shit, not at all smooth, but it would do the job
just fine.
“Is Cheney here yet?” I asked. Felix looked at me with surprise, knowing damn well why I
was asking for Ben Cheney. Ben was a small time drug dealer, just locally but if you lived in
Forks and wanted something it came from Ben. He was one of the rare motherfuckers in
town that knew my family at least had drug connections, as my father supplied him with
his shit. I had my own drugs at home but there was no way I was going there, not in the
mood I was in. I’d fucked up enough as it was, upset her enough for one day.
“Yeah, he’s in the back room,” Felix said after a moment. I nodded and took another big
gulp of the vodka before handing it back to Felix and heading down the hallway.
The room was fairly dark except for a small dimly lit lamp. It was a den, I guess you could
call it, with a few couches and tables. There were a couple people in there doing shit, mostly
smoking weed, and they had the stereo playing with some mellow ass music filtering out
from the speakers. It wouldn’t last long, as the moment Demetri got here he’d crank up the
hip hop and blow the fucking glass out of the windows with the bass. Everyone looked up at
me when I entered and greeted me all fucking warmly.
“Hey Cullen,” Ben said, nodding in greeting. He was a smooth fucker, I liked him. Straight
A student, had plans of going to the fucking Ivy League and becoming a lawyer of all things
and was selling to save up money for college. His girlfriend Angela was a sweet girl, too, the
complete opposite of most of the bitches in Forks.
“Cheney,” I said. I walked in and sat down beside him on a couch.
“You need something? I got some of that White Widow left,” he asked quietly.
“Naw, I don’t want any weed,” I said. “You got any blow on you?”
He looked at me, shocked by my request, but nodded. I very rarely asked for anything hard
like cocaine but with the week I was having I needed a major lift. “How much do you
want?”
“Just a gram,” I said, shrugging. He nodded again and got up, walking out of the room. He
came back a few moments later and handed me a small baggy. I poured some of the white
powder out onto the table in front of us, enough for two lines. I reached into my pocket and
grabbed my wallet, pulling my American Express card out to straighten the coke up into
lines. I pulled out a bill and rolled it up, bringing it to my nose and snorting one of the lines
up quickly. I wiped my nose afterward and sniffed a few times.
“Thanks, man,” I mumbled. My nose numbed out almost immediately and my heartbeat
started racing.
Ben nodded, sitting back down. “Anytime,” he said. “You having a bad day?”
I laughed dryly. “You could say that.” I leaned down and snorted the second line, closing
my eyes and leaning back against the couch. The euphoria started coursing through my
body, warmth starting in my chest and radiating out through my limbs. I felt lightweight,
invincible, like I didn’t have a fucking care in the world. It was exactly what I needed.
I hung out with Ben and some of my classmates for a while, floating on air. It was nice to
fucking forget about everything and just feel good for a while. I did another line when I felt
myself coming down from the first two.
A little while later Tanya walked in the room. She smiled when she spotted me and walked
over, plopping down on my lap. I was beginning to think it was her favorite fucking seat, as
every time I saw her she sat on me.
“If you’re going to sit on my lap bitch you ought to at least take your clothes off first,” I said.
She rolled her eyes but smiled. I felt the euphoria starting to wind down, her presence
annoying me for some reason and killing my high, so I pushed Tanya aside a bit and
poured some more powder out, making two more lines. I took my bill and snorted them
both up quickly, wiping my nose as the fucking congestion and drip was outrageous. I
poured the rest of the power out, enough for one line, and lined it up. I handed the bill to
Tanya and cocked an eyebrow. She looked fucking stunned that I was offering and quickly
jumped on that shit. I realized I’d probably never fucking offered her anything before and
shook my head. I guess Edward Cullen in love was a fucking generous guy after all, I
thought.
The moment the words rang through my head I groaned, probably fucking loudly as both
Ben and Tanya looked at me questioningly. I shook my head and gave them a look telling
them not to even fucking ask.
Someone cleared their throat across the room and I looked up to see Alice standing in the
doorway, hands on her hips with an eyebrow cocked at me. She had that irritated look on
her face again, obviously still pissed at my acting out at the game. I started laughing and
shook my head. “Hey short stuff,” I said.
She walked toward me and froze. “You’re high,” she said matter-of-factly, her tone making
me laugh even more. She sounded like she’d just made some big fucking miraculous
discovery.
“Yeah, I’m pretty fucking high.”
She shook her head. “I can barely even see the green in your eyes. They’re nearly all black.”
I sighed, shrugging, unable to really give a shit. I lifted Tanya off of me and practically
tossed her on Ben’s lap. She yelped and he groaned—Ben wasn’t a big fan of Tanya’s. I
handed him the bill I’d used to snort the blow, which was $100, and he tried to refuse it
because it was technically my family’s shit I snorted. But it was money out of his pocket and
I couldn’t fucking do that to him, not what he sold for such a good cause. I mean, shit, it
made me feel like I was doing the coke for a reason, like how they did marathons or bike-a-
thons to raise money for charities. It was a fucking coke-a-thon to send a deserving kid to
Yale. It felt almost justified but I wasn’t so sure the fuming little pixie in front of me would
see my logic. Actually, I wasn’t even sure it made fucking sense. Coke tended to fuck with
my mind.
I walked over to Alice, smiling sheepishly, and put my arm over her shoulder. I led her out
of the room, walking down the hallway to an isolated part of the house.
“Seriously, Edward? Cocaine?” she said, her voice low. I groaned.
“Please don’t go giving me hell Alice. Just really… not right now, okay? I just want to know
if she’s okay.”
“She’ll be fine, you just scared her and she thought it was her fault of course. You need to
stop doing that, by the way. You need to control that temper of yours if you ever want her
to relax and let you in fully.”
I groaned, nodding because I knew she was telling the truth but it was a lot easier said than
done. I reacted without thinking a lot and I didn’t know how to fucking stop that. Alice
reached up and patted me on the cheek condescendingly, and walked away.
I spent the rest of the night hanging out with friends, getting even more fucked up. On top
of the alcohol I ended up doing another few lines coke at some point. I knew I was going to
pay for that shit later, but I couldn’t care at the time. I popped some Vicodin eventually to
lessen the comedown so I didn’t go all fucking emo when the coke wore off. I knew I
couldn’t go home as fucked up as I was, so I ended up just crashing on a couch at
Demetri’s.
I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover I’d ever had, my head pounding so
hard it made my eyes pulsate. I headed out to the car and winced at the fucking sunshine,
putting on my sunglasses. I drove home relatively slowly again since I obviously was still
pretty screwed up.
I pulled up in front of the house and cursed when I felt a warm trickle of liquid coming
from my nose. I snatched the visor down quickly and looked in the mirror, cursing again
when I saw it was blood. My fucking nose was bleeding.
“Just my goddamn luck,” I muttered. I pulled my wifebeater off quickly and wiped the
blood away, holding it up and pinching my nose. I got out, groaning, and headed into the
house.
I walked in the foyer and spotted Dad coming down the stairs. I cursed under my breath, as
I’d been hoping to get in and get up to my room undetected. He glared at me and rolled his
eyes.
“You keep snorting that shit and you’re seriously going to damage your septum,” he said.
I laughed dryly. “How do you know I just didn’t get punched in the nose?”
He shook his head. “I know you, Edward. Your knuckles are fine. If someone punched you
in the nose, you’d have busted their face up pretty good.”
I sighed. He had me there. He walked over to me and pulled my chin up. I moved the shirt
out of the way and he checked out my nose, looking all in it in doctor mode.
“Lay off the coke, okay? I may push it but I don’t like it and I don’t like my kids doing it.”
He let go of my chin and walked away, heading into the room under the stairs. I turned and
went into the kitchen, popping some aspirin and drinking a shitload of water.
I headed upstairs and plopped down on my bed, passing out the moment my head hit the
pillow. I was woken up sometime later by a loud knock on my door. I pulled myself out of
bed, groaning, and walked over to it. I swung it open and saw Alice standing in the hallway,
holding a garment bag. She grimaced when she saw me.
“God, you look like crud,” she said, giving me the once over. “Anyway, I got you something
to wear because I know you didn’t do it yourself.” I laughed and took it from her because
she was telling the damn truth. I would’ve just worn whatever the fuck was hanging in my
closet. “Tanya will be here soon with Rose.”
I sighed and thanked her, shutting my door. I hopped in the shower and washed my hair,
trying to wake myself up. I didn’t bother even trying to do anything with my hair, just ran
my fingers through it and let it do its thing. I opened the garment bag and pulled out the
black pants and black dress shirt, pulling them on. I grabbed some black dress shoes from
my closet, slipping them on even though they were uncomfortable as shit. I eyed the tie
hesitantly, as it was a purple color that was almost fucking pink and I definitely didn’t
fucking wear pink. I put it on though, because I honestly didn’t know shit about fashion
and Alice had never steered me wrong before.
I spritzed myself with cologne and walked over to my desk, unlocking my stash drawer. I
pulled out a flask and poured some absinthe in it. That shit’s hardcore and has been illegal
in the US since the early 1900’s but my dad imports it into the country from Switzerland. I
took a big swig from the bottle, hissing because it was strong, before placing it back in the
drawer. I put the flask in my pocket and headed out, pausing in the hallway when I spotted
Isabella coming up the stairs. She froze when her eyes fell on me, her gaze intense. She
blushed a deep fucking red and looked away after a second, which was both cute and
confusing.
I really wanted to think of something profound to say to make shit right, but like an idiot I
just blurted out the first thing to come to my head. “This tie makes me look fucking fruity,
doesn’t it?”
She looked up at me and burst into laughter. I chuckled and felt like a fool for what I’d said,
but she was laughing so I couldn’t regret it. I hadn’t heard her laugh all week, I missed that
shit.
She laughed so hard tears came to her eyes. I laughed along with her, because her laughter
made me fucking happy. She calmed down after a moment, shaking her head.
“No, it doesn’t,” she said, still giggling as she walked past me. She headed into her room
and I watched as she disappeared out of sight.
I headed downstairs and groaned softly when I saw Tanya was already there and had on a
purple almost fucking pink dress, the same shade as my tie. I walked over to where she was
sitting with Rose and leaned against the wall for a few minutes before glancing at my
watch.
“Come on, let’s go,” I mumbled. I grabbed Tanya’s hand, trying to be polite and shit, and
led her out to my car. I helped her in the passenger seat and climbed in, pulling away from
the house.
We got to the dance I walked her in. My brothers and their ladies walked in almost directly
after us, having left almost at the same time we did. They girls went off and did whatever
the fuck girls did in the bathroom together, and I drank. Heavily.
I danced with Tanya a bit, which really equated to her rubbing her ass on my crotch to
some rap music. She tried to pull me out onto the dance floor during a slow song but I
wasn’t having that shit. That was entirely too intimate for my liking. Rosalie and Emmett
were crowned homecoming queen and king, which didn’t surprise me in the least. I knew a
fucking Cullen would get it, and it would’ve been me if I were a senior. Jasper had been
nominated but he refused to participate, pulling his name from competition because his
girlfriend was only a junior like me and he didn’t want to do that shit without her. I swear
those two are like the fucking bopsy twins, can’t do shit without each other anymore. Of
course Rose was the hottest senior so there was never any question as to whether or not
she’d be crowned.
By the time my flask was empty, I was drunk and bored as shit and my dick was hard from
Tanya’s ass rubbing on it all night. I told Tanya I was ready to go and she smiled all
seductively, agreeing. I smirked and rolled my eyes, leading her out of the building.
I drove to her house, as she said her parents were out of town. I got out and helped her
from the car. We headed inside and she went straight to the liquor cabinet, pulling out a
bottle of vodka. She handed it to me and I opened it, taking a swig. She grabbed my tie and
led me through the house like a dog but I was drunk and not really giving a shit. I was on
auto-pilot, just going through the fucking motions and not thinking about shit. She took me
into her bedroom, where I drank even more vodka.
She started kissing on my neck and I groaned, feeling my dick harden even more. I put the
bottle down after a minute and she walked me over to the bed, pushing me down. I just
fucking lay there and let her strip me. She slipped her dress up over her head, tossing it to
the floor, climbing onto the bed and hovering over me. She grabbed my dick and went to
lower herself on me and I grabbed her hips tightly, stopping her.
“I’m not that fucking drunk,” I said, pulling her up and away. I sat up and reached for my
pants, pulling out my wallet.
“I’m on the pill,” she whined. I chuckled and shook my head.
“You know better than that shit, I don’t go unprotected. Ever.” I frankly didn’t trust bitches.
She could intentionally skip her birth control or lie to try to trap me, and there was no
fucking telling what diseases she could’ve accumulated over the years. I didn’t want any of
that shit.
I pulled the condom out and opened it, rolling it on. I lie back down and let her climb back
on, lowering herself on me.
I groaned and just lay there, letting her do the fucking work. It started feeling
uncomfortable after a moment, too fucking intimate. She was going too slow, her hands
running over my body all gentle and it was irritating me. Nothing felt right about it, her
body all wrong. She wasn’t as small and frail as she should’ve been, wasn’t as pale, her hair
and eyes the wrong fucking color. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block that shit out, but
it was still wrong. She didn’t sound right, her voice and moans and grunts not as fucking
sweet and melodic and innocent as they should’ve been.
I felt my dick softening and opened my eyes in just enough time to see Tanya about to
fucking kiss me. I turned my head so her lips grazed my cheek. What the fuck was wrong
with these girls, they knew I didn’t kiss on the mouth.
I rolled us over so I was on top of her. I leaned back on my knees and flipped her over so
she was on her hands and knees. I pushed her head down so nothing but her ass was in the
air and pushed back into her. She moaned and panted and cried out my name as I pounded
into her and the fucking shame rolling through me nearly buckled me. What the fuck was I
doing? It wasn’t right. I wasn’t even fucking enjoying myself, was just going through the
motions. And for what? I didn’t give a shit about this girl.
I pulled out quickly and stood up. “I’ve gotta go Tanya,” I said, rolling the condom off and
throwing it away in her trash can. She sat up and watched me with disbelief. I started
pulling on my clothes and grabbing my stuff in a fucking frenzy.
“You’re leaving?!” she asked incredulously. I sighed and I headed for the door.
“I don’t love you Tanya, I’m never going to fucking love you. It’s just not right.”
I turned and walked out before she could even say anything. That was such an asshole
move, I knew that, but I had to fucking get out of there.
I hopped in the Volvo and peeled out of her driveway, flying down the roads. I was
hyperventilating, my chest hurting where my heart lay. It felt like it was fucking shattering,
being ripped apart. I fucking loved Isabella, I couldn’t keep going off and doing stupid shit
and my heart knew that. My heart felt that, was fucking in pain because of my stupidity.
What the fuck had I done?
I just wanted to fucking get home.
*****
L'amore e cieco = Love is Blind

finocchio = homosexual
Chapter 22 Burst into Flame
“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into
flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful
for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” -- Albert Schweitzer
I rolled over and glanced at the clock, wincing at the harshness of the numbers and sighing.
It was a few minutes past midnight.
It had been a rough week, to say the least, and I was utterly exhausted. I couldn’t sleep
though, hadn’t slept much all week long. I’d pass out from exhaustion eventually and sleep
for an hour or two, only to wake up abruptly, screaming in a cold sweat. I was still having
nightmares and I didn’t understand them at all, but they plagued me and wouldn’t seem to
stop. I was afraid of closing my eyes, afraid of reliving that moment in Dr. Cullen’s
bedroom again. It wasn’t just him anymore though--it was all of it. It was like 16 years
worth of neglect and abuse had finally caught up to me and was replaying itself, torturing
me in my sleep. I saw that girls face, the teenage girl Charles had murdered in front of me. I
saw that look in her eyes when she took that last blow to the face with his steel-toed boot,
the life leaving her. I saw the look on my mother’s face, the pure horror when Charles was
raping her and she looked over and noticed I was awake that first time. It was haunting me,
torturing me. I wanted to blame Dr. Cullen for it, blame him because of what he did to me,
but a part of me acknowledged that Edward likely had something to do with it. Over the
past week more of the conversation that day in his room started coming back to me and I
realized I’d confided experiences in him that I’d never spoken of out loud before. I’d been
repressing it all, and it seemed like once the dam was broken the flood started. I couldn’t
escape it all anymore; I was forced to deal with the facts.
And I desperately wanted to sleep, and I desperately wanted to dream of Edward again
because I missed it. It was pathetic, I realize that. The thing I looked forward to most in life
was when I dreamed of the gorgeous boy across the hall, dreamed that we weren’t so
different and that he could like me like I liked him.
My knees were still inflamed but they weren’t so bad that I couldn’t get done what I needed
to do. I iced them at night and besides the pesky little limp I barely noticed anymore. I tried
to stick to myself and stay in line the best I could, getting my work done and staying out of
the way. When I wasn’t doing work, I was hiding out in my bedroom or sneaking off
outside when it wasn’t raining. The Cullen’s had a beautiful piece of property, everything
green and lush, the smell of the grass and trees so foreign and captivating. The only trees I
ever saw in Phoenix were barren and ugly, but the ones here were beautiful. I knew Dr.
Cullen preferred me to wear shoes based on the conversation he’d had with Charles, but I
enjoyed going outside without them, loved the feel of the grass on my bare feet and in
between my toes. It was cool and damp, the complete opposite of the hot dry sandy ground
I’d grown up walking on. I never let Dr. Cullen see me do it though.
In fact, the only people who even saw me going outside were Jasper and Emmett, as I
usually only did so those few hours between them getting home from school and Dr. Cullen
arriving home from work. Edward was always the last to come in, so of course he never
saw. I’d occasionally catch Jasper standing at the window watching me curiously and I
thought about inviting him to join me once or twice, but I never did because I was trying to
keep my distance. I tried to stay slightly detached with the boys but it was difficult. They’d
all been so nice to me and didn’t deserve to be given the cold shoulder but I was just too
afraid to let my guard down again. And Jasper and Emmett had been amusing all week
long, dressing like fools every day, so it wasn’t helping my resolve to look at them as purely
masters. I kept my composure around them but when I was alone I’d laugh at how
ridiculous it all was, how carefree and playful they could be.
When it came to Edward, it was nearly impossible to be detached. Edward was under my
skin, had found a way into me deep into the bone. He had been in a bad mood all week for
some reason, his expressions almost matching mine, so that had helped me from cracking
completely in his presence. I think if he’d been laughing and smiling all week long, I
wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from doing the same.
His football game had been uncomfortable. Dr. Cullen had been nice to me all week, acting
almost as if the incident where he handcuffed me to the bed hadn’t occurred at all. I wasn’t
comfortable around him, fearful naturally, and tried to stay away from him as much as
possible. The day of the football game he came home from work early and declared ‘we’
were all going to the game. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to go, just assumed I suppose. And
so even if I didn’t want to, I had no choice when it came down to it. When the master says
you’re doing something, the simple fact is you’re doing it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go
to the game itself, as the idea of watching Edward play excited me, but sitting at the
football game with Dr. Cullen wasn’t my idea of fun. I was too afraid of doing something
wrong, or causing a scene unintentionally and making a mistake. Everyone knew Dr.
Cullen, he was so well respected in town, and the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass
him.
After the game was over they all got up to go to the field. I lingered behind and Alice looked
at me questioningly, obviously not understanding what was going on with me, but I
motioned for her to go ahead. I walked over and stood to the side by myself, away from
everyone. I walked around a bit, not afraid of getting lost. I knew I’d never actually go
missing because Dr. Cullen would always be able to find me; he’d assured that by
implanting that microchip into my back. I really just hadn’t been comfortable going out on
the field and celebrating with any of those people. I wasn’t a part of their world, and
although I was happy that Edward had won I didn’t think I had a right to celebrate. I was
nothing to him but a convenience, designed to make his life easier. Why would he care
what I had to say? No one ever cared what I thought.
So I stood off to the side and wandered around the grass, enjoying the feeling of the cool
slightly damp air on my skin and wondering what my mother was doing. Wondering if she
were okay. Her birthday was in two days—Sunday. She was turning 33 and was still so
young herself. She had an entire lifetime ahead of her and deserved so much better than
what she had, so much better than the life she was given. She was so strong and despite the
fact that she always told me I was the strong one, I felt weak. I was cracking all ready.
“Lost?” a voice said behind me. I swung around to see a tall boy with dark tanned skin and
long black hair looking at me. I glanced around and was slightly uncomfortable, noticing I
was alone with him. I didn’t know this boy, definitely didn’t trust him as I trusted no one,
but I didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t want to cause a scene and embarrass Dr. Cullen. There
was no way I could upset him in public.
“No, I’m just waiting on someone,” I said. He nodded.
“You must be new around here. I’m Jacob Black,” he said.
“Isabella Swan,” I said softly.
“Well, Isabella Swan, it’s nice to meet you,” he said. I nodded.
“You too, Jacob Black.”
“Are you okay? You look upset about something,” he said after a moment. The concern in
his voice caught me off guard, as he didn’t know me and had no reason to worry about a
strange girl such as myself.
“I’m fine,” I said quickly. He just stared at me, obviously not believing me for some reason.
The look he was giving me was making me very uncomfortable. It wasn’t mean or scary, but
it was intense. I didn’t want him to look at me. I didn’t want to be seen. I wanted to be
ignored, I did better when I was overlooked—things were easier that way, it simplified my
life.
“What do you call a deer with no eyes?” he blurted out abruptly after a moment. My brow
furrowed, caught of guard by his question.
“Excuse me?” I said.
He sighed. “I said, what do you call a deer with no eyes?” he repeated.
“Uh, what?” I asked.
“No Eye Deer,” he said, grinning. “Get it, no idea.”
I smiled immediately when I got the joke, a giggle escaping. It was so ridiculous and cheesy
and completely juvenile, but I couldn’t deny that it was amusing.
“Ah, yes, I got her to laugh! Much better!” he said playfully. He smiled and laughed in
response to me smiling, reaching his hand out. I flinched back instinctively, my smile
falling, but he didn’t seem to notice. He touched my arm, squeezing it lightly in a friendly
manner.
“Maybe I’ll see you around sometime?” he suggested, raising an eyebrow at me. I froze up,
unsure of exactly what to say. I didn’t know this boy and he didn’t know me, why would he
want to see me ever again?
“Uh…” I started. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and offending him, or Dr. Cullen
finding out I’d been rude and getting upset. Before I could really respond, though, there
was a loud commotion that caught both of our attentions. We both looked over and my eyes
widened as I saw Edward running full speed right toward us, a murderous look on his face.
Fear shot through me, so intense it nearly made my knees buckle. I took a few steps back
instinctively and watched Jacob do the same. I watched, completely horrified as Edward
ran straight into Jacob, not slowing down a bit and sending him crashing to the ground.
Edward landed on top of him and drew his fist back. I held my breath, completely
frightened, and felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.
All I could think about was Edward was attacking this poor boy because I’d spoken to him.
I tried to be polite because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do and in turn it ended
up only getting some innocent kid hurt. He hadn’t meant any harm, he even told me a joke!
He was completely harmless. Dr. Cullen jumped in between them, and Alice took me away.
All I could do was sob about how sorry I was, that I hadn’t meant for anyone to get hurt
because of me. Alice told me I was being ridiculous, that it had nothing to do with me, but I
couldn’t believe that.
Edward hadn’t come home last night. I wasn’t sure where he was or what he was doing, but
I hoped that he was okay. It was ridiculous of me to worry about him, I shouldn’t care but I
couldn’t help it. I eventually heard him come up to his room sometime this morning but he
stayed locked away most of the day.
I cleaned and did my usual stuff until the girls arrived. They were all dressed up and looked
amazing. Rose kept staring at me like she was trying to read me, as if my every thought and
feeling was written on me in a foreign language and she was deciphering it all. The other
girl, whose name I couldn’t recall but remembered from the party as being the one sitting
on Edward’s lap, kept giving me dirty looks. She was very pretty, but the color of her dress
looked odd compared to the red tones in her hair. I didn’t know much about clothes and
fashion, so maybe I just was wrong. The looks she was giving me made me uncomfortable
though, so I decided to escape up to my bedroom.
I hadn’t been lucky enough to slip by undetected, as I ran into Edward in the hallway. I was
completely stunned at how gorgeous he looked dressed up. It took my breath away and I
blushed and had to look away. It was almost uncomfortable, neither of us speaking, but
then he randomly asked if the tie made him look fruity.
I laughed, ridiculously loud and hard. His tie was the same color as the girls dress, and I
too thought it looked odd against his bronze toned hair. But Edward managed to pull it
off—I ventured to guess there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t look good in. I was almost
embarrassed by my outburst but it felt nice to be able to truly laugh at something. Edward
laughed also, the sound of it doing crazy things to me. God, his laugh was so amazing.
Edward happy was an incredible sight, a sight I craved.
After they left for the dance, I was alone. Dr. Cullen was away somewhere, I think to Seattle
for a conference or something, and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. I spent the evening by
myself, drawing and watching TV, bored out of my mind. I kept thinking about my mother
again, which was a bit welcoming as when I wasn’t thinking of her I was dwelling on
Edward and where he was. He was out with that gorgeous girl and as much as I hated to
admit it, I was jealous. And it was so ridiculous of me to be jealous but I couldn’t help it. I
longed to be in that girl’s shoes. I longed to be pretty, and free to go out and dance with
Edward and have fun, and just be a teenager with no worries. And it was fruitless to long
for those things, because I’d never have any of it. I’d never be pretty. I’d never be free. And
I’d never have Edward.
So I finally gave up at midnight, tired of wallowing in my ridiculous envy and my inability

to sleep without being terrified, and decided to go downstairs.
I descended the stairs slowly, quietly. The house was silent, eerily so, and every noise I
made only startled me more than the silence. I hit the foyer and sighed, glancing around,
contemplating what to do. I headed toward the kitchen to grab something to drink and
froze in the doorway, fear immediately shooting through me when I saw the form sitting
there.
The fear dissipated when I recognized the chiseled features glowing under the moonlight
from the window. My brow furrowed in confusion and I stood there frozen, utterly puzzled
and shocked. Edward was sitting on the counter beside the fridge, slouched slightly with a
bottle of what I guessed to be liquor in his hand. I didn’t know what he was doing, why he
was home. I hadn’t even heard him come in and had no idea how long he’d been here. He
looked upset, very much so, and that made a stinging pain shoot through my chest. I didn’t
want him to be upset. He’d been so happy earlier, laughing in the hallway with me. I
wanted to see that side of him again.
I didn’t exactly know what to do, as I didn’t think he heard me and I didn’t want to scare
him—especially if he was already upset. Startling Edward wasn’t wise, as he lashed out
without thinking, and the fact that he was drinking and upset made him even more
unpredictable.
I sighed after a moment, the noise louder than I expected it to be. His head snapped in my
direction and his eyes met mine instantly. Even in the darkened room I could see the fire in
his eyes, the spark inside the swirling green. There was always passion in Edward’s eyes—
he had a lot of soul underneath that hardened exterior.
We just stared at each other for a moment and there was an odd tension with neither of us
speaking. “I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I said finally, unable to take the silence.
Edward laughed bitterly. “You’re not interrupting Isabella. It’s not like I’m fucking doing
anything. I’m just sitting here drinking myself into a coma.”
His tone kind of startled me and I considered turning around and walking away, as it
appeared he wasn’t exactly happy to see me there.
“I just sounded like a dickhead, didn’t I?” he asked after a second, his tone softer. I didn’t
respond, unsure if agreeing or disagree would upset him more. “You can tell me the truth
you know. You can always tell me the truth.”
“Yeah,” I said simply, deciding to just do what I came to do. I walked forward a few steps
and he looked at me questioningly, but I just brushed by him to open the fridge. I pulled
out the jug of orange juice and sat it down beside Edward on the counter. He was slightly
blocking the cabinet where the glasses were and I knew there was no way I could open it
without hitting him. “I, uh… need a glass,” I said hesitantly.
He nodded. I expected him to shift over out of my way completely or get down off the
counter but he didn’t. He simply moved his head to the side slightly, giving me just enough
room to open the door without hitting him. I hesitated but leaned forward, my body
pressing slightly between his legs while I reached up to open the cabinet. I had to stand on
my tiptoes to reach them, my body almost flush against Edward’s, his face just inches to the
side of mine. I could feel his body heat and smell him and it nearly made me dizzy. I
reached and grasped my glass, jumping and nearly dropping it when Edward spoke.
“Get me one too,” he said softly, his lips right beside my ear, his breath lingering on my
neck. A shiver ripped through me and I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. Edward chuckled and
I blushed, reaching and grabbing a glass for him quickly. I swung the cabinet shut, a
slightly loud bang resulting which made us both jump. I sat the glasses down and grabbed
the orange jug. I poured myself some, pausing.
“Did you want some of this?” I asked, unsure if that’s why he wanted the glass. Edward
stared at me for a second.
“Yep,” he said, popping the ‘p’ at the end to emphasize the word. “Definitely want some of
that,” he added softly, laughing to himself in a sarcastic manner. I looked at him with
confusion, as it seemed like he was reacting to some inside joke, and he just waved me off. I
poured his orange juice and set the jug back in the fridge. I picked up my glass and took a
sip, eyeing Edward cautiously as his behavior was confusing me. Part of me wanted to get
the heck out of there and hide away, as I had been doing all week, but a bigger part of me
was intrigued and wanted to stick around. That part of me was desperate for
companionship, craving his company.
Edward tipped back the bottle of alcohol, grimacing and making an awful grunting noise
after he pulled it from his lips. “Fuck that’s rough,” he said, his voice sort of gritty. He took
the bottle and poured some in his glass of orange juice. He hesitated before reaching out
and pouring some in my glass. I stared at him with shock, a bit stunned, and he just
shrugged. “I don’t like drinking alone sometimes.”
I blinked a few times, smelling the drink. “What is it?” I asked as he sat the bottle beside
him on the counter. He took a gulp of his drink before laughing, a bit bitterly again.
“Why ask me? You can fucking read so read it,” he said. My eyes widened, shocked. He
glanced at me and groaned. “I’m sorry. Christ, I sound like a dick again. I didn’t mean it
like that.”
I nodded, still stunned, frankly not even caring what it was anymore. I tipped the drink
back and started chugging it, thirsty and a bit irritated and a lot hurt. It was stupid to be
hurt but I couldn’t help it. I ignored the slight burning sensation in the drink but it still
tasted mostly like orange juice. Edward stared at me with shock as I sat my empty glass
down beside him on the counter.
“La mia Fucking bella ragazza,” he said, laughing afterwards. He shook his head, still
chuckling, and tipped his drink back. He chugged it and sat his glass down beside mine.
“You’ve got potential, tesoro.”
I smiled lightly. “Thanks… I guess,” I said. He laughed again.
“Yeah, it’s a compliment. And you’ll get many more where that one came from if you can do
it again,” he said, motioning toward the fridge. I hesitated, not entirely sure if I wanted to
be doing this as there was no telling how I was going to act under the influence, but I
eventually opened the door and grabbed the orange juice. I poured two more glasses and
Edward picked up the liquor bottle, pouring some in each glass. I took a deep breath and
picked mine up, tipping it back. I started chugging but it was a lot stronger this time, the
burn more prominent. I could barely get half of it down before having to pull the glass
away. I made a face and coughed a bit.
“Goodness gracious that’s strong,” I sputtered. Edward laughed and sat his glass down,
which was unsurprisingly empty.
“Yeah, I kinda loaded that one down.” He hopped down from the counter and I stepped
back so he didn’t bump into me. He grabbed the jug of orange juice and poured it into my
glass, filling it back up. He handed the glass out to me and smiled. “Don’t chug this time,
because if you do you’ll pass out on me and I’d really like some fucking company.”
I returned his smile and nodded, a little stunned that he actually wanted to spend time with
me. A swell of emotions shot through me, the hope and longing returning, but I tried to
push it back because it was dangerous to let them out. He poured half his glass full of the
clear liquid and topped it off with a bit of orange juice. He put the orange juice away and
put the lid on the liquor. He hesitated but put the bottle of liquor in the freezer before
turning to me.
He stared at me for a moment, smiling lightly. “Come on,” he said, heading out of the
kitchen. I hesitated, debating once more as to whether or not what I was doing was for the
best, but followed behind him regardless. I couldn’t think about consequences now. It was
too late for that. Edward Cullen was under my skin and there was no getting him back out.
We went up to the third floor and he pushed his door open, motioning for me to go inside. I
stepped in and glanced around. He stepped in behind me, shutting the door. He walked
over and sat his drink down on his desk, sitting down in the chair. I hesitated, unsure of
where to sit as I didn’t want to look like I was invading or disrespecting his territory. He
turned his head to look at me and smiled lightly. “You can sit anywhere you want to sit,” he
said, obviously sensing my dilemma.
I smiled and walked over, sitting down on his bed. I tipped my drink back, thankful it
wasn’t very strong at all anymore since Edward had diluted it with juice
“Let’s play a game,” Edward said after a moment. I raised my eyebrows at him.
“What kind of game?” I asked, a little nervous. I wasn’t very good at games, didn’t have
much experience with anything at all.
He took a drink and shrugged. “How about 21 questions?” he suggested. I just stared at
him, having no idea what that was. He turned his head to look at me, noticing my
expression. He laughed lightly. “We take turns asking each other questions until we hit 21.
Pretty fucking simple, no worries.”
“Okay,” I said, slightly relieved it at least sounded easy but at the same time a little nervous
as I was guessing it could get personal.
“Only rule is you can’t lie. I don’t give a shit what it’s about, just don’t lie to me and I won’t
lie to you. And we each can get one pass, where we can refuse to answer one question if we
want,” he added quickly. I nodded. I took a deep breath and tipped my cup back, chugging
the drink. I was already feeling warmth and some fuzziness inside, which I imagine
indicated the alcohol was taking effect. I knew all about alcohol, as Charles drank heavily
and was a mean drunk, so I was well aware that the more I drank the less inhibited I’d be.
“You wanna go first? Or do you want me to go?” he asked.
“You go,” I said, having no idea what to ask and wanting him to lead. He glanced over at
me, his eyes falling on my empty drink. I was nervous, I couldn’t lie, and my hand was
trembling slightly and shaking my glass. I hoped he didn’t see it but I had a feeling he
could, as he was staring right at it. He sighed after a moment and stood up, taking the glass
from me and sitting it down on his desk. We pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked
a drawer in his desk. I peeked over, oddly not worried about getting into trouble from being
nosey. I didn’t know what it was, but I didn’t fear him punishing me.
“How do you feel about drugs?” he asked, glancing up at me. “That doesn’t count as my
question, by the way. I just want to know before I do this, don’t want to offend you or do
something you don’t want me to do.”
I smiled, a little stunned that he was asking my opinion on something. “I guess they don’t
bother me. I don’t exactly know much about them.”
“You were never around them in Phoenix?” he asked. I shook my head no. Charles drank
but he was never one for drugs. He nodded, reaching into his drawer and pulling out a bag
full of something green. It looked like dried up leaves. He pulled out a brown piece of what
looked like paper and filled it up with some green stuff, rolling it up and licking it to seal
the paper. He brought it to his lips, pulling out a lighter and lighting it, inhaling it like a
cigarette.
He stood up and walked over to me. My heart started beating fast as he crouched down in
front of me, face level with me. “This will relax you,” he said, smiling lightly and raising his
eyebrows at me. “It’s marijuana, nothing crazy or anything, just a fucking plant. I wouldn’t
give you anything that could hurt you. You wanna try?”
I just stared at him, slightly stunned by his proximity. His eyes were staring straight into
mine, so close the green was practically hypnotizing me as they were swirling with emotion.
It didn’t help that the fuzzy feeling inside of me had grown a bit from the alcohol.
I nodded hesitantly after a moment, a little nervous because I had no idea what I was
doing. He smirked and must have sensed my apprehension. “I’ll make it easy on you,” he
said. “Sit still and open your mouth and inhale what I give you, okay? When you inhale it
just hold it as long as you can.”
I nodded. He brought the drug to his lips and sucked in deeply. I parted my lips and sat as
still as I could, despite my anxiety. He moved his head forward toward me and my heart
started racing fast as he cocked his head to the side. He paused when his lips were only
about an inch from mine and started exhaling. I inhaled when he exhaled, the mixture of
the smoke from his lungs and the intoxicating scent of his cologne entering my system. It
clouded everything and I closed my eyes, holding it in my lungs. It burned a bit but I held it
as long as I could before finally letting it go when I needed air. I exhaled slowly, opening
my eyes. Edward was still in front of me but had moved his head back, his expression
staggering. His stare was intense, almost burning through me.
He smiled lightly after a second, bringing the drug back to his lips and sucking in again. He
leaned forward quickly, pausing with his lips close to mine and exhaled again. I sucked in
his air and closed my eyes once more, holding it.
I felt my entire body tingling, an intense relaxed feeling taking over me. I finally exhaled
again, opening my eyes. Edward smirked, still crouched in front of me.
“Question One. How did you know those Albert Schweitzer quotes?”
I stared at him for a moment, a little surprised by his choice of question. “My first Master
had one of his books. I took it when I was first learning how to read. None of the slaves
could write very well so I needed something to practice with.” I blushed after I admitted it
and Edward looked at me questioningly.
“That embarrasses you?” he asked.
“I just confessed to being a thief,” I said. Edward laughed, shaking his head.
“Yeah, well, you live in a house with a career criminal darling. Thievery doesn’t faze us,” he
said playfully. He finally stood up, sitting down the drug, which he’d put out. He sat down
in the chair by the desk and leaned back in it, facing me. “Your turn.”
I sighed, unsure of what to ask him. “How’d you get that scar on your side?” I asked after a
moment, just pulling something random out. He just sat and stared at me for a second, not
moving.
“You’re not taking it easy on me, are you?” he muttered, reaching up and running his hand
through his hair. “I was shot. I was eight, bullet ripped right through my side.”
My eyes widened and I stared at him with shock. I wasn’t sure what sort of answer I
expected, maybe he fell off a bike or cut himself on something, but I surely didn’t expect
him to say he’d been shot.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, dropping my gaze to the floor, feeling bad for bringing something
like that up. He chuckled and I peeked back up at him to see him smiling lightly.
“Don’t be. But like I told you before, we’re more alike than you think. I shed blood over shit
that wasn’t my fault too.”
I stared at him in shock for a moment. Could we really have things in common? “Why were
you shot?” I asked. He shook his head.
“You already asked your question. It’s my turn,” he said. His tone wasn’t harsh at all but
there was a slight edge to his words that told me maybe that wasn’t a question I should be
asking him… not right now, anyway. He sat back and squinted at me for a moment,
obviously thinking. “Question three--Do you have any secret talents?”
I furrowed my brow. “Uh… I don’t know. I don’t think so,” I said. He raised his eyebrows
skeptically.
“You’ve gotta be good at something. Sewing, drawing, poetry, singing, something.”
I shrugged. “I guess I can draw but I don’t know if you’d call it a talent or anything. I never
have the opportunity to really practice.”
He nodded. “Would you consider drawing something for me?”
I smiled. “You already asked your question,” I said playfully. He laughed, shaking his head.
“Fine, go, your turn.”
I hesitated. “Why did you attack that Jacob boy at the game?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to
hear the answer, wasn’t sure if I really wanted to hear him confirm it was my fault.
He groaned. “Because he’s a prick that deserves an ass whooping. Him and I just don’t get
along and it just seems to get worse as time goes on. It wasn’t the first time I hit him and it
probably won’t be the last. And I’ve done a lot worse to him than just knock him down,
that’s nothing compared to the shit that happened last year. It would do you well to steer
clear of him, he likes to fuck up peoples lives. And I didn’t mean to scare you but fuck, I
didn’t like the fact that he was touching you. He destroys everything he touches and I didn’t
want you to be one of those things.”
I just stared at him, slightly shocked by the answer. I didn’t exactly understand what he
meant by Jacob destroying everything he touched and him not wanting me to be one of
those things, didn’t know what to think about it. He sounded like he was being protective
over me and in a way I was used to that, someone protecting their property in a sense, but
this felt different.
“My turn. So will you draw a picture for me?” he asked. I shrugged.
“Someday, I suppose.” He cocked an eyebrow at me.
“Someday?” he asked questioningly. I nodded. “What the fuck does someday mean?
Tomorrow? Next week? When I’m 80?”
I smiled lightly. “I suppose I’ll draw for you the same someday that you let me finally clean
up your room.” He rolled his eyes and looked like he was about to argue so I cut him off
quickly and asked my next question.
“What did you do to Jacob last year?”
He laughed bitterly. “You sure you want to know?” I just stared at him for a moment, his
reaction making me second guess asking the question. I nodded eventually, purely out of
curiosity, and he sighed. “He pissed me off one day and I snapped. I drove to the
reservation where he lives, pulled out a gun, and shot his car up. I hit the gas tank, it
sparked and I blew the fucking thing up. I mean, yeah, it was just a fucking car but he
babied that piece of shit, saved up and built it up himself. They tried to accuse me of
attempted murder because when I got there Jacob was in the car. But he spotted me
pulling out the gun and jumped out of the car and ran and I didn’t shoot until after he was
away from it, but whatever. Dad paid a lot of fucking money to a lot of fucking people and
called in some favors to get that to go away. He sent me away for a while after that and I’m
forbidden from stepping foot onto the reservation now. At the game with you was the first
time I’d seen him since then.”
I just stared at him, a little surprised that he’d gotten that violent. Jacob had seemed so
harmless when I spoke to him, I couldn’t imagine him being able to irk Edward to the point
where Edward snapped like he did.
“What did Jacob say to you that made you smile?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. He
was frowning and looked to be a bit upset about something.
“Uh… he told me a joke,” I said. Edward’s brow furrowed and the anger written on his face
seemed to grow.
“It wasn’t a fucking dirty joke, was it?” he asked in a slightly loud voice. I laughed lightly, a
bit confused as to why a joke was making him mad.
“No. He asked me if I knew what you called a deer with no eyes.”
Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head, muttering under his breath. “Your turn to ask a
question.”
“Do you not play the piano anymore?” I asked. He looked at me questioningly like it was a
stupid question. “I mean, Jasper sort of hinted that you’d get violent over your piano so I’m
surprised I’ve never seen you play it.”
He smiled. “Did that fucker tell you I’d break your fingers if you touched it?” I nodded and
he laughed, shaking his head. “I swear to God I didn’t mean to break that bitches finger but
I asked her to quit touching it and she wouldn’t listen.”
My eyes widened with shock. “You actually broke someone’s finger?!”
He nodded. “The last lady, Janet. She hadn’t been here for more than a week and I already
caught her fucking with it. She wouldn’t stop when I asked her to so I grabbed a hold of her
hand and she tried to pull away. Her finger kind of got pulled the wrong direction. I swear I
didn’t try to do that shit though. And yes, I do still play the piano. Just been busy and in a
bit of a rut,” he said, shrugging.
I nodded and he sighed. “Last thing you dreamed about?” he asked.
I was caught slightly off guard. “Uh… my mom,” I said. It was truth, but I didn’t tell him the
details. He didn’t need to know I dreamt of her being brutalized. I glanced over at the clock
and smiled lightly, realizing it was Sunday now. “It’s her birthday today.”
He looked at me with surprise. “Really?” I nodded and he smiled. “Well, happy birthday to
her,” he said, picking up his drink and raising it in the air before chugging it. I laughed
lightly, shaking my head.
“Edward?” I said hesitantly after a moment, unsure if I wanted to ask the question but the
mention of her had me curious. “Can I ask you something?”
He glanced over at me, his expression serious. Based on my tone I guess he could tell it
wasn’t a game question. “Yeah,” he said softly, hesitantly.
“What happened to Janet?” I asked. I knew she was likely dead but I was more curious as
to what led to that. I’d faced Dr. Cullen’s wrath myself but I was curious as to what pushed
his buttons to the point where he’d actually kill you. Edward sighed, running his hand
through his hair.
“She wouldn’t listen, kept disobeying. My dad’s pretty chill but when he gives an order he
means it. Shit I even listen when he directly tells me not to do something. Usually,
anyway.” He chuckled lightly. “Anyway, she kept getting punished for the same shit over
and over again and they were big fuck ups but he was trying to be patient with her. One
night he had her handcuffed and she managed to squeeze her hands out of them. He found
her the next morning out of her restraints and snapped. It’s one thing to do something he
could deem a mistake, it’s another to directly fucking defy him, which is why I couldn’t
untie you that night even though I wanted to.”
“So he killed her?” I asked softly. Edward sighed, shrugging.
“He pulled her out of the house by her hair and out into the woods. I never heard a gunshot
but then again I wouldn’t, as he had a silencer on his gun. I never saw her again though so I
assume so. I try not to think about that shit, I know it’s fucking wrong of me to want to
ignore it but I do.”
I nodded, understanding. It horrified me a bit, I couldn’t lie, but I recognized what she did
was something that you simply just don’t do to your master. “Thank you,” I said. “For
telling me.”
He nodded. “We’re going to consider that your question,” he said, smiling. He hesitated for
a moment, gazing at me. “Have you ever been kissed?”
My eyes widened and I stared at him, slightly shocked that he asked me that. I shook my
head no slowly. I felt slightly inadequate by my answer, admitting my innocence on the
subject. “I know that probably makes me seem so immature to you, that I’ve never even
kissed anyone,” I mumbled, dropping my eyes from his in embarrassment.
He laughed lightly. “No, don’t be embarrassed. Hell, I haven’t either technically.”
My brow furrowed and I glanced up at him. “But you said…” I started, clearly remembering
the conversation when he said he had sex with girls for pleasure.
He smiled sadly. “I don’t kiss, never kissed any of them on the lips,” he said with a shrug.
“Too lovey and romantic. I mean, I may have kissed a girl or two when I was just a kid but I
don’t really count that as they still had cooties back then. That probably makes me look like
a dickhead, that I can have sex with them but not kiss them, but they knew how I was.”
I was staring at him, shocked. He hadn’t ever really kissed a girl? “How many have there
been?” I asked. His brow furrowed in confusion.
“How many girls?” he asked. I nodded and a look of embarrassment came over his face. He
dropped his head and ran his hands through his hair, staring at the ground. He didn’t
really say anything for a moment, was just fidgeting nervously. It was a little confusing,
him looking almost ashamed about it.
“Christ, I don’t know. A dozen and a half plus two or three maybe,” he sputtered out. I
blinked a few times.
“So 20 or 21?” I asked. He glanced up at me and cocked an eyebrow.
“Fuck, you’re pretty quick at math. But yeah, I don’t know. I don’t exactly keep a list around
but that’s probably about right. And that’s ridiculously fucking high, I know.” He shook his
head, running his fingers through his hair again. He was watching me cautiously, frowning.
He looked upset by his own answer and that saddened me. Did he regret some of those girls
and not like speaking about them?
I smiled, trying to be reassuring and not wanting him to feel bad. I mean, I didn’t exactly
understand the whole sex subject but he hadn’t ever forced any of those girls and he said he
enjoyed it so I didn’t understand why he’d be ashamed.
He groaned, running his hands over his face in frustration. “New subject. Question
number… whatever fucking number we’re on. When’s the most afraid you’ve ever been?”
I sighed, thinking. “Probably in your dads bedroom.”
He frowned. “When he pulled the trigger?” he asked.
I looked at him with surprise. I didn’t know he was aware Dr. Cullen had done that to me.
“Uh, yeah that was frightening. But I was going to say when I heard the door click shut and
looked up and saw his expression. I’d never seen such rage before in a persons eyes. It was
like he was a completely different person.”
Edward nodded but didn’t comment. “Your turn,” he said, turned away from me and
grabbed his glass, gulping the rest of his drink.
“Where’s your mom?” I blurted out before I even realized what I was asking. My eyes
widened and my hands shot up to cover my mouth. Edward froze, his glass in mid-air. I
couldn’t see his face, as his back was to me, so I wasn’t sure if he was upset or mad.
“Chicago,” he said simply after a moment. He sat his glass down and turned back to me. He
looked to be fine, which surprised me almost as much as his answer.
“Chicago?” I asked, slightly confused. I thought for sure she had passed away.
He nodded. “Yep.” He hesitated for a moment. “Actually it’s technically Hillside, just a few
miles outside of Chicago. She’s in Mount Carmel Cemetery.”
I frowned, realizing she was indeed dead. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, almost wishing I hadn’t
asked. It was wrong of me to pry on such a sensitive subject as his mother obviously was. If
he wanted me to know about her, he would tell me. He shrugged.
“It’s fine. Just don’t ask me how she got there right now, okay? That’s a different fucking
story for a different fucking day.” I nodded, understanding, and he smiled lightly.
“Why’s your favorite color green?” he asked. My eyes widened slightly and felt the blush
creeping up quickly. I looked away from him and heard him chuckle.
“Pass,” I mumbled, laying back on his bed and closing my eyes, wishing I could disappear.
He’d caught me off guard and I reacted without thinking, which made me feel like an idiot.
He laughed even more at my reaction and I felt the bed shift after a second. My eyes shot
open and met his smoldering green ones immediately, as he was sitting beside me now and
almost leaning overtop of me.
“Your turn since you used your pass,” he said with amusement in his voice, smiling his
stunning crooked smile. I sighed and could still feel the blush on my cheeks.
“What’s your favorite color?” I asked, too flustered to be able to think of anything to ask.
His smile grew a bit more.
“I’m torn between chocolate brown and this nice shade of pinkish-red right now,” he said
lightly, staring straight into my eyes. I felt my blush deepening and had to look away from
him. My heart was racing fast, his closeness messing with me and making me think he was
actually flirting with me. I knew it was just my ridiculous feelings controlling me and
clouding me, as there was no way he’d actually be flirting with the likes of me. He chuckled.
“My turn. Why are you embarrassed about your favorite color?”
I glanced over at him, confused. “That’s not fair, I already passed on that question.” He
laughed, shaking his head.
“No you passed on why green was your favorite color. Now I want to know why green being
your favorite color is embarrassing. Two totally different things.” He spoke matter-of-
factly, as if it were just that simple and there was no way out of it. I groaned, closing my
eyes. He was chuckling and finding the entire thing amusing, which was only embarrassing
me even more. “The truth, Bella.”
I sighed. I felt the bed shift and peeked my eyes open to see Edward reach over and grab
the marijuana. He lit it up and sucked in deeply, closing his eyes and holding it. I watched
him for a moment, slightly mesmerized. He looked so calm and relaxed. He opened his eyes
after a second and glanced over at me. He saw I was watching him and smiled his charming
lop-sided smile. I felt a tingle course through my body, goose bumps coming up in my skin
at the sight of him. He truly was amazing and I wasn’t sure if it were the drugs or alcohol
but something made me feel completely at ease with him. I felt comforted and safe, and as
downright frightening as that concept was I basked in it. Because never in my life, even as a
small child, did I ever feel like I was safe with someone. Not even my own mother. From
the very beginning I knew my mother was powerless and couldn’t truly protect me, as
much as she may have wanted to.
But laying there, staring at Edward, I felt protected. Safe. I realized, looking at him and
seeing that smile and feeling those things that were surging through me, that I trusted him.
I’d never trusted anyone in my life, I couldn’t trust anyone. But for some reason I trusted
him. And I knew I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t trust him of all people. He was dangerous to me.
He was the son of the man who owned me—his family held my life in their hands. He could
hurt me or even kill me and I was powerless to stop it. But I trusted him anyway. Trusted
he wouldn’t do either. And it was so stupid of me, because he’d shown me he could have a
temper and was callous and careless when it came to females. There was no reason for him
to have any regard for my life.
But I loved him. Christ, I loved the boy. I could feel it in every inch of my body, every beat
of my heart. I never knew what love really was until I’d come here, but now I felt it. He
consumed me entirely, and that was frightening, and falling for him was likely the stupidest
thing I’d ever done. But I couldn’t stop it. I realized, lying there, that I’d do anything he
asked of me willingly. If Edward Cullen wanted me, Edward Cullen could take me and I
wouldn’t stop him. I wouldn’t want to stop him.
Edward leaned forward, his smoldering green eyes staring into mine. There was so much
fire in them, so many sparks. I tensed up as he drew closer to me, pausing when he was a
mere inch from my lips. I parted my lips and inhaled everything he gave me, closing my
eyes and sighing as I tasted his breath and smelled his scent.
I felt his face graze against my cheek, the sparks from his skin sending tingles through my
body. I could feel the slight stubble of his facial hair rubbing against me, rough and
scratchy, and could feel him inhaling against my skin. I realized he was breathing me in
and I finally allowed myself to seriously wonder if maybe, just maybe, this beautiful
creature could crave the same thing I craved. If he could possibly feel the same sparks I felt.
He broke the connection after a moment, pulling away from me. I held on as long as I
could, not wanting to let go, but eventually my body’s need for oxygen won out. I exhaled
and felt the bed shift, Edward getting up. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to open them
and face reality. Not yet.
Chapter 23 An Echo
“For he loved her, as you can only love someone who is an echo of yourself at
your time of deepest sorrow.” -- Orson Scott Card
I watched as the blush crept up into her cheeks and she diverted her eyes from me. I
couldn’t help but laugh, slightly baffled about the entire thing. The whole reason I asked
her about her favorite color again is because she had that exact same reaction the first time.
I didn’t get what was so important about the color green for her to have such an intense
reaction to it but fuck if she didn’t have me curious. There was no way she wasn’t telling me
now.
She lay back on the bed, trying to shield herself from me, and mumbled pass. Out of all the
questions in the world, she passes on one as simple as a fucking color. What can be so
goddamn embarrassing about liking a color as mundane as green for her to get so evasive?
I swear she was the most fucking complex person I’d ever met. It’s a good thing I didn’t go
asking her about anything sexual like the hormonal teenager inside of me wanted to ask. I
mean, shit, I knew a man had never touched her but I really wanted to know if she’d ever
touched herself. She was sixteen, and regardless of everything she had to be fucking
curious about her body at least. Did she ever at least feel the pleasure of orgasm, even if it
was self-induced? I mean, it would at least relax her and the life she lives I bet a little
relaxation would be fucking heavenly.
But I couldn’t ask her that shit. Normal bitches get all embarrassed over masturbation;
brining it up to Isabella would probably give her an aneurysm or something. And she was
so relaxed around me; I didn’t want to go ruining that by being a hormonal nosey dickhead.
I didn’t like not seeing her so I got up and sat down on the bed beside her. I wanted to see
that blush, as it was cute as hell. I didn’t even know girls still did that shit until she came
along. I guess maybe they do and just wear too much goddamn makeup for anyone to be
able to see it.
I leaned over toward her and her eyes shot open, looking straight into mine. I told her to
ask a question since she passed and she asked me my favorite color. Fuck, frankly I didn’t
have a specific one, my preference always shifted depending on what looked good at the
time. And right then, those deep chocolate brown eyes and that reddish-pink blush was all
that fucking looked good to me.
She turned even redder when I told her that and couldn’t even fucking look at me. She was
so fucking cute it was ridiculous. I asked her why the color green embarrassed her and she
tried to get out of answering again, still embarrassed, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I told
her to tell me the truth and she groaned, closing her eyes.
I was quite a bit intoxicated and the weed had me relaxed. I couldn’t believe she’d actually
been willing to drink the Everclear with me, as that shit was strong, and was even more
fucking stunned that she hadn’t run for the hills or had a panic attack when I rolled the
blunt. I knew she’d never done any of that before and Christ, I felt like a dickhead
corrupting her. She was so innocent and pure, unlike anyone I’d ever met. Every thing was
fresh and astonishing to her, and I loved the way her fucking eyes lit up when she was
seeing or experiencing something new. And maybe it was selfish of me to want to get her
fucked up and uninhibited, but I wanted to spend some time with her and get to know the
real her and not that robotic version that had been roaming the house all goddamn week. I
wanted her to be at ease with me and look at me like I was just another fucking person, an
equal, and not someone above her like a master. I realized that was probably hard for her,
to look at me like she was my equal, considering my father paid money for her. But she
wasn’t a piece of property to me. She was just a girl, and a beautiful fucking girl at that, and
I was just a boy who wanted to know her.
And I can’t lie; watching her inhale the smoke I’d exhaled was erotic. It felt like she was
taking me into her system, inviting me in. A fucking part of me was inside of her, flowing
through her. It was sensual and made my dick harder than I’d ever felt it before. It was
throbbing and I tried to ignore the shit, not wanting to be indecent or scare her off. I had
no idea how she felt about me, if she’d even ever want me like that. She was inexperienced
and to be honest so was I.
It killed me to fucking admit to myself that I was just as inexperienced as her at this shit. I
could fuck a girl senseless, make her scream and cry from pleasure, but when it came to
loving one I had no clue what I was doing. I was afraid of hurting her, of getting her hurt.
She may be strong in spirit, but when it boiled down to it she was fucking fragile. I had to
walk a tight line to keep from harming her. I knew I wasn’t boyfriend material or anything,
I hadn’t been lying when I told Alice she wouldn’t want me like that because I wasn’t a nice
guy. Because I wasn’t. I had an attitude and I was conceited and fucking broken. I’d rushed
home because I realized I loved her to the point where I couldn’t be with anyone else, that I
was fucking cheating myself by trying to ignore what I felt, and I’d still managed to be an
asshole toward her. I had no idea how I was going to act on my feelings without my father
finding it out, I only hoped that Alice were right about him being unobservant and her
being able to keep a secret. But you know, none of that would even fucking matter if she
didn’t like me.
And Christ, I’d used so many girls over the years it’s ridiculous. I couldn’t believe she’d
asked me that question. I thought about passing but I knew passing on it would make me
look even worse, being unable to admit the number. I didn’t know it honestly, gave the best
estimate I could. I didn’t want Isabella to be like them, didn’t want her to be another
number on the list. She was special; I wanted things to be different with her. I wanted to
love her, not screw her. Of course she turned me on but it wasn’t about that, not at all. I
wanted her fucking soul, not her body.
I reached over and grabbed the blunt, lighting it up and taking a long drag. I held it for a
bit, closing my eyes and just feeling the burn. I opened my eyes and glanced over at
Isabella, smiling when I saw she was staring at me. There was a look of longing on her face,
intense desire that was almost staggering. I wish I knew what it was she wanted, what it
was she yearned for. I wanted to ask her, tell her I’d give her anything she wanted, but I
couldn’t do that. I was in no position to be making her promises without knowing what I
was getting myself into. I leaned over toward her and she tensed up slightly, but it wasn’t
from fright. She wasn’t afraid of me. I stopped short of pressing my lips to hers and
exhaled. She breathed in what I put out, closing her eyes and sighing. She looked so
content and relaxed and it truly was a beautiful sight. I was so close I could feel her
inhaling, I could smell the citrus from the orange juice and the woodsy smell of the
marijuana and the mint from her toothpaste all in her mouth. In that moment I wanted
nothing more than to kiss her lips, taste her breath and feel her tongue.
My own desires startled me, as I don’t kiss. I’d never wanted to fucking kiss a girl before.
But at that moment I wanted nothing more than to feel those luscious lips pressed against
mine, to see if they were as soft and tender as they looked, to taste her and see if she tasted
as good as she smelled.
But I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to, yearned to, I’d be the biggest fucking prick on the
planet if I did. Just a few hours ago I’d been fucking Tanya and I couldn’t just go and kiss
Isabella so quickly after that. She deserved better than that shit, she wasn’t just another
girl. I needed to treat her with respect, show her I fucking adored her with my heart and
not let the hormones lead.
And besides, what fucking right did I have to just go and kiss her lips? She’d already pretty
much told me she’d rather someone murder her than force themselves on her. It takes a
real fucking asshole to just go and kiss her without her consent after she confessed that. I
was an ass, yes, but not that big of an ass.
I pulled away from her mouth and ran my nose along her jaw line, pressing my cheek
against her cheek, feeling her body heat. I inhaled, as she smelled fruity like strawberries
and sweet, pure fucking female, and it was a fantastic smell. I wondered how she smelled
down below, if her female juices were just as sweet as the rest of her. I’d never tasted a girl
before, I didn’t do that shit. I didn’t give like that, I’d gotten so much head in the past but
would never return the favor. Damn if I didn’t want to taste her juices though. But I needed
to push that shit aside and ignore those urges because they were going to get me in trouble
if I didn’t.
It was all too much though, entirely too much. I had to pull away from her before I crossed
the line, before I pushed her too far and scared her because being so close physically was
testing my willpower. I’d never had to deny myself something I wanted and it was hard as
hell doing it. I sat up, sighing. She stayed lying back, her eyes closed and not breathing,
holding my air in her lungs.
She started exhaling after a moment, the smoke filtering from her parted lips and nose
slowly. I stood up from the bed and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind
me. I wasn’t at all uncomfortable leaving her in there, which was fucking strange for me, as
I never trusted anyone around my shit. But I guess trusting someone tends to come along
with loving them. I didn’t think she’d fuck with anything, honestly didn’t care if she did.
None of it mattered when it came down to it.
I walked down the hallway and opened the door to the library. I flicked on the overhead
light, which was fucking bright with it’s high voltage and made me wince. I squinted and
blinked a few times, trying to adjust my eyes. I walked in front of the bookshelves for a
moment, scanning the titles. I rarely came in here anymore, not having time for reading
with how busy I was. Most of the books were my mothers as she collected the fucking
things and none of us really touched them. They usually just sat here and collected dust,
going unused like the rest of mom’s stuff. We kept it all, dad refused to give any of it away.
It was all up in the attic of the house, locked away and boxed up.
I doubted Isabella even knew we had an attic. The only way to get to it was through the
library and I very highly doubted she’d come in here often enough to even notice the
entrance to it. I mean, I noticed some of the layers of dust were gone so it was evident she
cleaned the fucking place up, but as for spending quality time in here it was unlikely. I also
doubted she knew about the basement, considering the only way to it was through the
locked room under the stairs. There was another entrance outside but it was hidden by
overgrowth and I didn’t even think she went outside to ever notice. She didn’t want to
fucking go down there anyway. That’s where all the contraband was kept—the guns, the
drugs, the money, all the illegal shit my dad was moving through the area. It resembled a
dungeon, one of those torture cells you see in the movies. And I guess in a way it was, as
there was another room down there designed to lock people in it, with fucking chains
hanging from the ceiling and on the walls. I didn’t think he’d ever used it but I wouldn’t
fucking put money on it—he could’ve slipped someone in and out without us ever knowing.
Dad was slick like that, he could be holding someone hostage a few yards under our feet
and none of us would ever fucking know it because he wouldn’t give any indication that
anything was going on with his demeanor. Always cool, calm, and collected. Of all the
fucking traits I got from him, why couldn’t I have inherited that one? If we asked he
wouldn’t lie to us, he’d tell us the truth, and that was partially the reason none of us ever
fucking asked. Ignorance is bliss or whatever.
I glanced along the bookshelf, scanning titles. I stopped when I reached the one I was
looking for and pulled it out. It was old and worn from use, my mothers favorite fucking
book. The cover was a bit dusty so I blew on it, coughing and closing my eyes when the dust
came back at me. Smooth fucking move, Cullen.
I turned the light back off and headed back toward the bedroom. I opened the door and my
eyes met Isabella’s soft brown ones instantly. She’d moved her position and was laying on
her stomach on my bed, her feet up by my pillows. I gave her a small smile and shut the
door behind me softly. I walked over and held the book out to her and she reached her
hand up hesitantly, gingerly taking it but looking confused.
“It’s ‘Wuthering Heights’,” I said, shrugging. “It’s not exactly a nice happy story full of
rainbows and fucking sunshine. It’s about love and hate and obsession and passion and
revenge and cruelty and all that other shit. I thought you’d like it.”
Her eyes widened slightly and she glanced down at the book in her hands. “Uh…” she
started, her brow furrowing as she eyed the cover. I chuckled at her reaction, so fucking
cute and innocent, getting all flabbergasted over a damn book.
“Look, you don’t have to read it, I just thought it would give you something to do,” I said,
not wanting her to think I was forcing her to do anything.
“Oh no! I want to! It’s just… what if your dad finds it?” she asked. I glanced at her and saw
her staring at the book with that fucking look on her face, that look of wonder and
excitement and passion that I loved so much.
“Don’t worry about him,” I said, shrugging. She glanced up at me with a look of disbelief on
her face. I smiled lightly. “I got you covered, trust me.”
She stared at me for a moment and I saw her eyes gloss over with tears. It was startling how
much fucking emotion was there. I could tell she was fighting them back, not wanting to
cry. I mean, it was just a book, but I guess to her it was a lot fucking more than that. But
frankly she could have the entire fucking library of books if she wanted them, if it meant
making her happy.
“Okay,” she said softly, glancing back down at the book. She opened it about halfway
through and looked like she was scanning the page. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this,” she
muttered.
“Why?” I asked, confused and curious. She looked over at me.
“There’s a lot of big words in this thing,” she said. I laughed, shaking my head. I expected
her to say it was too fucking scandalous or something, not that it was difficult.
“You can read Albert Schweitzer but you can’t read this?” I asked incredulously. She
shrugged.
“That was the only book I had for years, only thing I had to read. I didn’t get through all of
it because so much didn’t make sense but I memorized a bit that I did get through.”
I smiled. “Ah, well… I think you can do it. You’ve got us to help anyway.”
Her eyes widened. “Help?” she asked. I shrugged.
“I mean, if you don’t want help learning and reading and shit that’s fine. But I’d be more
than happy to do what I can, and I know Jasper and Alice would too,” I said. As taken with
Isabella as those two were and considering they knew how I felt about her I knew damn
well they’d jump at the opportunity.
She just stared at me for a second. She turned away and looked down at the book in her
hand, blinking a few times. “Okay,” she said softly.
I smiled and kicked my shoes off finally. My feet were fucking killing me but I’d been so
consumed with everything, lost in my mind and in Isabella’s company, to even think about
taking them off. I climbed onto the bed and lay down beside her on my back, grabbing the
stereo remote and flipping through my CDs in the CD player until I found something that
interested me—Simple Plan’s ‘Still Not Getting Any’ record.
“You looked handsome tonight,” Isabella said softly. I glanced over at her, slightly caught
off guard by her words. I was used to having girls tell me I looked good, Stanley fed my ego
with that shit every morning, but having Isabella say it was different. I was oddly stunned
that she thought of me as fucking handsome, that concept sending those goddamn swells of
love and desire through my chest and into my heart.
She was watching me and I smiled in response. “Thanks,” I mumbled. “The fucking tie was
fruity, though.”
She giggled in response, staring me straight in the eye. I loved the fact that she was usually
able to keep eye contact with me now, I felt like I could see her fucking soul through her
eyes. I had an urge to tell her she was beautiful at that moment and the words almost came
out, but before they could she turned her head away and focused back on the book. I
sighed, running my fingers through my hair, pissed that I wasted the opportunity to
fucking really compliment her. I doubted anyone ever fucking told her she was beautiful
but she truly was.
I relit the blunt and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the music. I offered to let Isabella
actually take a hit from it but she looked at me like I was nuts. I knew she was getting a
contact high being so close to me smoking it and I could see her taking deep breaths in my
direction occasionally. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and for a while there it
almost felt like we were fucking normal people. Just a boy lying with a girl, getting high
while she read a book, neither of us more powerful than the other. We were equals, both of
us a bit fucked up honestly, but we were just us, just lying together innocently in a bed.
And I fucking loved it.
I tried not to look at her, as I knew she was trying to read and I didn’t want to make her
uncomfortable by watching her. But from the corner of my eye I could see her brow
furrowing occasionally, a look of pure fucking concentration and determination on her face
as her lips moved and she tried to sound shit out. It was endearing and so damn adorable,
but I tried not to tell her that because I didn’t want her to get self-conscious.
“What’s a misanthropist?” she asked after a bit. I smiled lightly, feeling fucking proud that
she was comfortable enough to actually ask me for that help I offered.
“It’s someone who generally hates people, doesn’t trust them,” I said. “You know, like
Squidward from SpongeBob.” As soon as I said the shit I mentally kicked myself, not
knowing if she even fucking knew what SpongeBob was. I probably sounded like a damn
idiot. But she just glanced over at me, an eyebrow raised, and giggled.
“Thanks,” she said softly, turning back to her book. She was quiet for a moment before
groaning. “What’s, uh, solil--… uh, this word mean?”
I smiled and rolled over onto my stomach. The movement moved me so close to her that
our sides were touching. I peeked over to see what she was pointing at, my chin resting on
her shoulder.
“Solilquised. Means they were talking to themselves.”
She smiled and turned her head to face me. Her eyes were directly in front of mine, our
faces so close the tips of our nose brushed together. I thought she was going to turn back
away quickly, as our close proximity was really intimate, but she didn’t. She stared at me
and I could feel her breath on my skin. She brought her bottom lip into her mouth after a
moment and started chewing on it as she usually did when she was nervous about
something. I was a little confused as to why she wasn’t moving if she were nervous but then
her breathing grew a bit shaky. My brow furrowed a bit. Did she want me to kiss her? God
how I wanted to and she was so fucking close it was hard not to. She looked like she did but
it was wrong of me to do it, especially after that whole Tanya shit. And I was so afraid of
hurting this girl, of pushing her too far or in a direction she didn’t want to go in.
I didn’t have the opportunity to do it though, even if I had wanted to. My phone rang
suddenly, startling both of us. We both jumped and she turned her head away quickly,
looking away from me. I groaned and rolled over onto my back before sitting up. I grabbed
my phone off my stand and cursed.
“Why the fuck is my father calling me at 3am?” I asked, more to myself than anyone. It was
homecoming, he had to assume I was fucked up or passed out at this hour. I brought the
phone to my ear, sighing.
“Yes, Dr. Cullen, what can I do to help you at this lovely hour?” I asked sarcastically. He
sighed.
“Are you at home?” he asked.
“Yep, sure am. Been here for awhile.”
He sighed. “Have you seen Isabella? I tried to call her earlier and check on her but she
didn’t answer. I figured she was asleep but it’s been bothering me.”
My brow furrowed with confusion. “What do you mean you tried to call her?” I asked.
“I called the cell phone I bought her,” he said. I was slightly stunned, having no fucking
clue he got her a phone. I mean it made sense for her to have one, we usually had a landline
installed with the other women though, but I knew he intended to do things differently
with Isabella. Intended to give her a bit more room to roam than the others got when he got
comfortable with her loyalty.
“Oh. Well, she’s fine. She’s been keeping me company,” I said.
“Really?” he said, sounding surprised. I wondered immediately if maybe I shouldn’t have

said that, I was fucking paranoid of waving that goddamn red flag in his face and the weed
wasn’t helping my paranoia. “That’s good. I’m glad all of you have seemed to make friends
with her.”
“Yeah,” I said simply.
“Well I’ll let you go. Goodnight,” he said. I muttered a goodnight, hanging up and tossing
my phone down. I turned my head to Isabella and saw she was watching me cautiously.
“He was just checking on you, said he tried to call you.” Her eyes widened slightly and I saw
a spark of fear in them. I sighed. “Relax. You aren’t in trouble with him, he was just
worried. My dad’s usually not that much of a prick, doesn’t get worked up about most shit.
I mean, I don’t blame you for not being his biggest fan after what he did to you but he won’t
be doing that shit again.”
She nodded slightly and turned back to her book, chewing on her bottom lip. I reached over
and grabbed the book from her, but made sure to hold her place. She looked at me, fucking
startled I’d snatched the book out of her hands, and I smiled. “Go get me your phone,” I
said. She looked a bit confused but got up and headed for the door.
She came back a moment later and held a small light blue phone out to me. I thanked her
and took it, motioning for her to sit back down. She did and I handed the book back to her.
She stretched back out on the bed on her stomach, this time with her head up by the
pillows.
I lay down beside her again on my back and opened her phone. I scrolled through it and
noticed my number was programmed into it, which I imagine was dad’s doing. I stopped on
my name and hit the call button, hanging up after my phone started ringing. I sat her
phone down on my chest and reached over, grabbing mine. I opened it and went to my
missed calls, programming her number into the address book as “Bella Ragazza”. I had so
many females phone numbers in my phone, but none of them fucking mattered but hers. I
lived with her so it was ridiculous to be so fucking giddy inside over getting her phone
number. I felt like some inexperienced pre-teen with a goddamn crush.
“I like this song,” Isabella said softly beside me. I glanced over at her. She was looking at
the book but I could tell her attention was on the music. I sighed when I realized what song
it was: “Welcome to My Life”. Of course she’d like that one, I imagined she could relate to
it.
No you don't know what its like
To be hurt, to be lost, to be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down, you feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
No you don't know what its like
Welcome to my life.
I tossed my phone back to the side and picked hers back up, scrolling through her settings.
I made her wallpaper some green design, since she said it was her favorite color. I was still
going to fucking figure out what was up with that. I went online and downloaded the
ringtone of the song playing, since she liked it and it was the only fucking song I knew of
that she liked. I never heard her listening to music, which I found odd. Music was a part of
my fucking soul, I couldn’t imagine living without it. I’d definitely have to change her
attitude toward music.
I closed her phone and put it to the side, gazing up at the ceiling. I was still quite fucking
high and felt relaxed and just completely content. Isabella groaned after awhile and closed
the book, pulling it to the side and lying her head down on my pillow. I peeked over at her
and smiled at the look of irritation on her face.
“What, not liking the story?” I asked.
She glanced over at me. “I’m sure the story would be great if I could understand it,” she
said, dropping her head down and shielding herself with her hair. I reached over and
tucked some of the hair behind her ear so I could see her face. She smiled lightly when our
eyes connected.
“Patience, you’ll get it. I have a feeling it’ll come easy to you once you really get into it.
Christ, anyone who can learn the basics of reading through goddamned closed captioning is
a natural at the shit.”
I had no idea if I was telling the truth but I wanted to make her feel better. I’d never taught
anyone how to read, had no idea what I was doing, but I was sure as hell going to give it a
shot with her. She nodded but I couldn’t tell if she believed me or not.
“Thanks,” she said. I nodded. She yawned after a second and looked utterly exhausted, like
she was fighting sleep hard. I’m sure the fact that I bombarded her system with intoxicants
wasn’t helping her struggle to stay awake. I didn’t get why she was so tired lately, but why
she wasn’t sleeping. The fact that she cried at night really bothered me and I wanted to ask
her why but I didn’t want to fucking pry or invade her privacy.
“You look exhausted,” I said. She sighed, smiling lightly. Her eyelids were obviously heavy
as they kept drifting closed slightly.
“I’ll be fine,” she said, her voice soft and sweet. I wanted to ask her if that was the truth, if
she really would be fine, but I just sat quietly with my mouth shut and smiled.
I got up and went into the bathroom to take a piss, the alcohol in my system draining
through me. I washed my hands and came back out, walking back over to where I had been
lying. I glanced down at Isabella and smiled, as her eyes were closed. If she weren’t already
asleep, she would be soon. I really fucking wanted her to stay in here with me, was glad she
hadn’t made a move to go back to her room yet. I imagined she was just so exhausted that
she couldn’t even think about getting up. I knew my bed was comfortable as shit.
I sat down on the edge of the bed beside her and her eyes opened as the bed shifted. It
looked painful how exhausted she was.
“Bella?” I said softly as her eyes were drifting closed again.
“Yes?”
I hesitated, unsure if I should even bother asking, but it was still weighing on my mind and
I knew it would be until she gave me an answer. It was probably something fucking really
ridiculous but I needed to know. “Why are you embarrassed about liking the color green?” I
asked. My voice was low, practically pleading for her to answer me this time.
She sighed and turned her head, diverting her eyes away from me. I took that as a sign that
she wasn’t going to answer me and was about to tell her it was fine, she didn’t have to tell
me if she wasn’t comfortable with it when she spoke.
“Your eyes are green,” she said softly, her words slightly slurred from fatigue and barely
audible. My brow furrowed in confusion at her answer. I mean, of course my eyes were
fucking green. What did that have to do with anything? I watched her for a moment,
noticing her breathing steady and a slight snore coming from her. It wasn’t an annoying
snore or anything; it was soft like some fucking heavy breathing. I realized she was
sleeping.
I sighed after a moment, getting up and turning the overhead light off, changing quickly
into a pair of flannel pants and climbing back into the bed. I wondered if I should go sleep
on the fucking couch or something, not wanting to be a dick or make her uncomfortable,
but I figured she fell asleep in my bed so it couldn’t have been that big of a damn deal if I
slept beside her. I’d keep some space between us and wouldn’t fucking touch her or
anything, I’d keep it innocent. I’d never actually fucking slept with a girl before, never
shared my bed in a non-sexual way and the concept made me anxious for some reason.
God, I was so new to all this shit, it was all so intimate.
I lay there for a minute, trying to figure out why my eyes being green would make her
embarrassed about liking the color. I mean, was that supposed to be an insult, like I
fucking somehow dishonored the color? I figured maybe she had just rattled something off,
half-asleep, and maybe it didn’t fucking mean anything.
I gave up after a moment and closed my eyes, about to fall asleep when it fucking hit me.
She wasn’t embarrassed about liking the color because of my eyes, she fucking liked it for
that reason. That’s why she got embarrassed when she said it, why she didn’t want to tell
me what was so special about the color.
I felt the bed shift and opened my eyes, fucking afraid that she was awake and getting up
and leaving. I didn’t want her to go. I felt relieved when I saw her eyes were still closed and
she was asleep, but had rolled over to face me. I stared at her for a bit, watching her sleep,
lost in thought. She liked my eyes, obviously enough to make it her favorite color. How
much did she really like me though? Christ, could she love me? Could I seriously fucking
have this girls heart? It would be hard as hell and fucking unfair having to keep it a secret,
but I couldn’t deny that it would be worth all the fucking trouble. She was worth it.
I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep after awhile, falling into a deep slumber. I woke up
abruptly some time later to a piercing fucking scream in my ear. I shot up quickly, half out
of it and fucking startled. I heard the crying and realized it was Isabella and fear shot
through me, fucking afraid that she was hurt or upset, that maybe she was freaked out
waking up in bed beside me or some shit. I looked at her, wanting to fucking explain or
something, and my brow furrowed when I saw she was still asleep. Tears were streaming
down her cheek from her still closed eyelids. Her head was thrashing around and she was
fucking sobbing and whimpering, the sight of it breaking my fucking heart. She was having
a nightmare.
I grabbed a hold of her and pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her. I didn’t give it
a second thought, didn’t even think about the potential consequences. I wanted to fucking
comfort her, wanted to make that shit go away. I felt so protective over her, didn’t want her
to be hurt or scared. I started rocking her, shushing her softly, telling her she was safe and
everything was okay, that I wasn’t going to let anything hurt her. She was drenched with
sweat and trembling. I knew all about nightmares, as I usually had them a few times a week
and have for fucking years. It was fucking torture.
I held onto her tightly and she eventually calmed down, falling back into a peaceful sleep. I
shifted us around a bit with her head lying on my chest, my arms still wrapped around her.
I leaned down and kissed the top of her head lightly, sighing.
“Sogni d'oro, la mia bella ragazza. Ti amo,” I mumbled, closing my eyes and drifting back
off to sleep.
*****
Sogni d’oro, la mia bella ragazza = Sweet dreams, my beautiful girl.
Ti amo = I love you
Chapter 24 Deep Book
“No man understands a deep book until he has seen and lived at least part of
its contents.” -- Ezra Pound
I was having a puzzling morning. It wasn’t entirely bad, but it was strange none-the-less.
I’d woken up in the mid-afternoon, a few minutes past twelve, and was absolutely stunned
by my surroundings. As soon as I gained consciousness the musky smell I’d come to
associate with Edward assaulted my senses. I felt the warmth beneath me, the hardness of
it a bit odd but not exactly uncomfortable. I opened my eyes, extremely confused, and I
gasped in shock when I realized I was lying in Edward’s arms, my head on his naked chest
and my arm resting across his toned stomach. I shot up quickly, having no idea how I’d
gotten there, honestly astounded by it. Edward’s arm had been wrapped around me but fell
to the bed when I sat up. I sat up so fast he was jolted a bit and I froze, downright
frightened of him waking up. I couldn’t figure out how we’d ended up in that position, how
I’d come to sleep in his bed and in his arms. I didn’t even know if he was aware I was there,
if he was aware that he’d had his arms around me. Maybe he was used to sleeping with girls
and it didn’t even strike him that it was me there, and I was afraid he’d wake up and freak
out about it.
He stirred some, shifting his position and mumbling. I heard ‘Bella’ in the midst of his
mumbling and smiled involuntarily. I still didn’t know what that meant in Italian, but he
called me it constantly now. I realized he may have just been mumbling Italian in general,
but my heart swelled regardless on the off chance that he had said it in reference to me.
I climbed out of his bed, as quietly and gently as possible so not to disturb him. I tiptoed
through his room, opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. I closed the door
behind me quietly, holding my breath as the door clicked shut. I stood there for a moment,
completely shocked that I’d not only slept so late but that I’d slept in Edward’s bed with
him. I went into my room and walked over to my closet, pulling on a pair of jeans and a
plain black t-shirt. I pulled my hair back into a messy a ponytail and threw on my black
ballet flats before heading downstairs.
I’d spent a good amount of time with Edward last night, that much I remembered. I
remembered the game and the questions we’d asked and answered. I also remembered him
giving me a book and laying there reading it on his bed with him beside me. After that there
was nothing. I didn’t recall getting up and going to my room, so I imagined I must’ve fallen
asleep in his bed and he was too much of a gentleman to wake me up and kick me out. How
I’d gone from asleep in his bed to asleep in his arms I wasn’t sure. I recalled having another
nightmare last night, another one about my mother as today was her birthday, and was
slightly worried about whether or not I’d disturbed him by sleep talking. I hoped not,
hoped I hadn’t been that much of a nuisance. Not only did I invade his bed and apparently
force myself onto him while I slept, I likely kept him awake with my outbursts in the
middle of the night. I felt queasy at that thought, that I’d bothered him or put him out. He’d
been too nice for me to be pestering him.
I expected to wake up this morning feeling bad, as he’d gotten me slightly inebriated, so I
was pleasantly surprised I didn’t have a headache. I didn’t exactly know what had gotten
into Edward, why he had been acting the way he was. I imagined something had to have
happened at his dance to upset him but I was glad he seemed to get happier as the night
went on. He’d shocked me though with how sweet he was toward me and I was slightly
scared, as the time we spent together seemed to make the feelings I felt toward Edward
even stronger. I realized last night that I was in love with him and didn’t know what I was
supposed to do about that, how I was supposed to act toward him. I couldn’t tell him, as I
was afraid he’d have me sent away if he found out my feelings ran that deep.
I didn’t exactly know what he felt for me, I couldn’t see how he’d ever like me even a
fraction of the way I liked him, but I got the hint last night that maybe he was at least
attracted to me. I knew Edward was attracted to many women, I’d heard it from quite a few
people and even he himself expressed to me that he enjoyed female company in an intimate
way. And I swore he had been about to kiss me last night, right before his father called. In
that moment I was conflicted, completely torn between wanting him to because of the way
I felt, and not wanting him to because I was so afraid. So afraid of everything romantic or
sexual. I didn’t know what I was doing, never thought I’d ever even be in the position to
ever kiss someone, much less anything else. I didn’t know what to do or how it was
supposed to feel or if it would hurt. The entire concept frightened me.
But it seemed my body controlled me when I was around Edward, my heart taking the lead
over my mind. My mind told me it was ridiculous, dangerous. But my heart—my heart told
me it was right. My heart told me loving Edward was what I was destined to do all along.
I reached the downstairs and glanced around, sighing. The house was completely silent, so
much so that you’d likely hear a pin drop on the wooden floor. I walked into the kitchen
and peered out the window over the sink, noticing Edward’s silver car was the only one in
the driveway. I realized the rest of the family was still gone, that Jasper and Emmett must
not have come home last night at all.
The house was clean from when I’d scrubbed out of boredom yesterday so there
really wasn’t anything for me to do. I didn’t want to just sit around and do nothing though,
because I knew if I did that I’d just get depressed thinking about my mother or panicking
over whether or not Edward would be upset toward me about the sleeping situation. I
glanced around the kitchen, opening cabinets, and decided to bake some type of cookies.
We needed to get groceries again, as they were finally starting to run low on stuff again, but
we had everything to throw together some peanut butter cookies. One thing I realized is
that all the Cullen men loved peanut butter. It was one of the very few things they all
agreed on. It was nothing abnormal to find one of them standing in the kitchen throughout
the day eating peanut butter by the spoonfuls straight from the jar. Because of that, I
figured they’d all at least appreciate peanut butter cookies, and I could bake quite well,
thanks to Charles’s love of all types of deserts.
I got the ingredients out and started throwing them together, preheating the oven. I got the
dough ready and placed the rounded balls on the cookie sheet. I was putting the first batch
in the oven and setting the timer when there was a knock on the door. It startled me and I
jumped, not expecting anyone to show up. The knocks were loud and forceful, sounding
quite urgent.
I glanced out the window and saw a little white car in the driveway. Whoever it was
knocked again, just as forceful, and I groaned. I glanced around for a towel but shrugged
and just wiped my hands on my pants. I had flour all over my clothes as it was so what
harm was a little more. I looked like a mess from baking and felt disgraceful answering
their door like that, but I was the only one up to do it.
I’d never been in this situation before, as I’d never been alone when someone knocked.
I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to actually answer or not, as Dr. Cullen had never said
anything about visitors, but I imagined it would be part of my duties as it usually was for
someone like me. The person knocked a third time and I sighed, resigned. I walked into the
foyer and peeked out the peephole, my brow furrowing when I saw it was a female.
I couldn’t really see who it was though, as they were facing away from the door.
I unlocked the door gingerly and took a deep breath, pulling it open slowly. The girl turned
around when she heard the door open and my eyes widened slightly when I recognized her
as the girl Edward had taken to the dance last night. She narrowed her eyes slightly at me
and wrinkled her nose, a look of pure disgust coming over her face as she eyed me up. I
blushed a bit, embarrassed and feeling completely inadequate. She was gorgeous, even in a
pink jogging suit she looked like she could be a model. I felt inferior, and it didn’t help my
confidence that I was covered in flour and dough from the cookies. She just stood there
glaring at me for a moment, and I noticed she was so well put together that even her
lipstick and hair tie matched her clothes.
“I need to see Edward,” she said finally, a slight viciousness to her voice.
“He’s, uh, still sleeping,” I mumbled. She laughed dryly and put her hands on her hips.
“I didn’t ask you what he was doing, freak. I told you I needed to see him. So run off and
fucking get him, isn’t that your job?” she sneered. I flinched back from her tone.
I didn’t exactly know what to do. Edward had welcomed me into his room and had been
nice to me, but I wasn’t sure I could exactly just go barging in and wake him up. Edward
hated being startled and I imagined doing so would definitely startle him. But I didn’t want
to be rude and turn away his guest, and possibly end up with him upset because she’d come
to see him and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t know if he’d want to see her, but since he took her
to the dance I figured maybe he would. Maybe he really cared about her, and it would be a
grave mistake to send his female friend away if she were special to him.
“Uh, I’m not really supposed to go into his room,” I said, still unsure of what I was
supposed to do in this situation. She groaned, obviously irritated with me, and rolled her
eyes.
“Fucking incompetent people,” she spat. She pushed me out of the way unexpectedly and
caught me off guard. I stumbled backwards, losing my balance. I threw my hands behind
me to catch myself as I fell on my behind. She stalked inside quickly, walking around me
and nearly stepping on my hand, heading straight for the stairs. I was completely stunned,
unsure of what to do. Should I follow her, try to stop her? She scaled the steps, sprinting up
them so fast that she was completely out of sight before I could even get up off of the floor.
I climbed to my feet, groaning, and headed for the stairs. I got halfway up them when the
timer went off in the kitchen. I hesitated but turned and headed back down. I went into the
kitchen and pulled the cookies out of the oven, not wanting them to burn and creating a
disaster.
I realized at that point that chasing after the girl was fruitless, as she’d make it to Edward’s
room before I could even make it out of the kitchen. I sighed, resigned that it was too late to
do anything about the situation now, and put the second batch of cookies in the oven. I
would just have to deal with the potential consequences later. I put the first batch of
cookies on wire racks to cool and walked out to the foyer when I heard commotion upstairs.
“You’re such an asshole!” the girl yelled from the second floor. I glanced up the steps and
saw Edward starting down them to the first floor. He was wearing only a pair of flannel
pants, his chest still bare, and his hair was sticking up worse than usual. She’d definitely
woken him up in the middle of sleeping, based on his appearance. He had an extremely
mad look on his face and I grew slightly afraid, realizing the two of them were fighting.
The girl started down the steps behind him, yelling. Edward didn’t say anything in
response to her yelling but she was calling him pretty much every name in the book. She
was spewing off curses I’d never heard before. She was very visibly upset and I wondered
what in the world Edward could have done to ignite such fury from her. It reminded me
somewhat of how Charles’s wife used to go off on him.
I stood frozen in spot on the platform beside the piano as they hit the foyer. He glanced up
at me and paused, cocking his head to the side and raising his eyebrows at me. A smile
graced his lips, which shocked me. He was looking at me with that gorgeous crooked grin of
his, looking almost happy to see me, completely ignoring the girl standing a foot behind
him cursing and yelling. I gave him a small sad smile in return, trying to be sympathetic
and apologetic at the same time, hoping he wasn’t upset at me for her presence. The girl
caught sight of our exchange and it only seemed to increase her intense anger. She froze
abruptly, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Oh how fucking cute. Is that the fucking reason Edward? That bitch? Servant doubles as a
prostitute?” she spat. Edward froze, his smile falling and anger taking over his features
once more. I noticed his eyes darken slightly with rage as he turned his head to glare at her.
“If you know what’s good for you Tanya, you’ll shut the fuck up right now,” he said. His
voice was raised, his tone harsh and sent a chill down my spine. It wasn’t me being yelled at
or in trouble, but hearing that tone frightened me regardless. I’d realized last night that
Edward was more like Dr. Cullen than I originally thought. Edward could indeed be
dangerous, very dangerous if you got on his bad side. He’d confessed to blowing up Jacob
Blacks car by shooting it so many times with Jacob present. He didn’t frighten me per say,
as for some reason he made me feel protected, but none-the-less he was intimidating.
She laughed dryly. “Defensive are we? That’s disgusting; I thought you were better that that
shit Edward. Look at her!” She turned her head to glare at me again. “So how much is Dr.
Cullen paying you to fuck his son, huh? Does he even know?”
My eyes widened and I stared at her in shock. She thought Edward and I were having sex?
Edward glanced over at me and something about my expression must’ve set him off. He
walked over to Tanya and grabbed her arm. He swung the front door open with so much
force it slammed into the wall. He pulled her out into the yard and she was yelling at him,
still infuriated. At first I thought he was hurting her but I realized he only had a hold of her
jacket and not actually her.
I walked into the kitchen and glanced out the window, knowing I shouldn’t be nosey but
I couldn’t help it. I was baffled and had no idea what was going on. I watched as the girl
reached her hand out and tried to smack Edward when he let go of her arm. He ducked out
of the way, grabbing her wrist to stop her. He started yelling at her, I couldn’t hear what he
was saying but it was obvious he was furious. He let go of her after a second and she just
stood there with her eyes narrowed. He turned and walked back toward the house, turning
his back on her.
The oven beeped again, the second batch of cookies done. I was pulling them out when I
heard the front door slam shut, so forcefully that it rattled some of the things sitting on the
kitchen counter. I heard his footsteps as he entered the kitchen but I didn’t look over at
him, afraid of his reaction. I was kicking myself for even answering the door in the first
place.
Edward walked over to where I was, pausing beside me. He glanced out the window,
groaning when he saw Tanya was still sitting in the driveway. “Why’d you fucking let her in
here, anyway?” he asked, sounding irritated.
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, honestly. She knocked and I didn’t want to be rude so
I answered and told her you were sleeping. She got mad when I told her I wouldn’t go wake
you up and so she knocked me out of the way to go up there herself.”
His eyes narrowed, his head snapping in my direction. “She hit you?” he nearly yelled, that
murderous expression back in his face.
I flinched, startled by the rage he was showing. “Uh… I mean she pushed me and I fell but I
really don’t think she meant to hurt me or anything, sir.”
He groaned loudly. “Don’t fucking call me sir, Bella,” he said. He pushed away from the
counter and turned, walking out of the kitchen. I heard the front door open and glanced out
the window again. Edward ran over to Tanya’s car, stopping her as she started to back up.
She hit the brakes and rolled her window down. Edward leaned down into her window and
said something to her. I couldn’t see her well enough to know if she responded to him or
not, but after a moment he stood back up. He stood there still for a second, staring at her,
before walking toward the front of her car. He yelled something and slammed his hands
down on the hood of her car hard. Tanya hit the gas and flew backwards quickly, pulling
away from him. My eyes widened when I saw the dents his hands had left.
Edward walked away, looking completely enraged. He headed back into the house and
slammed the front door, cursing to himself. He ran up the stairs quickly, returning a few
moments later with his keys in his hand. He headed outside and climbed into his car,
starting it up. I was a little shocked and confused, wondering why he was leaving. I thought
maybe he was going after her, but instead I heard the garage door open. Edward never
parked in the garage, none of them ever really bothered doing so, so I watched with a bit of
confusion as he pulled his car in and closed it up.
He walked back in the house a moment later, coming into the kitchen where I was. He
tossed his keys down on the counter, sighing. He looked over at me and saw the confusion
on my face and sighed, shaking his head and running his fingers through his hair. “I’d have
to fucking kill her if she turned out to be stupid enough to try to hurt the Volvo, so to spare
her life it’ll go into hiding until she calms the fuck down.”
I nodded, understanding. I’d learned that Edward is highly protective over his car
and couldn’t imagine what type of rage it would ignite within him if someone harmed it. I
started pulling the second batch of cookies off the cookie sheets finally, putting them onto
racks. “I’m sorry if that was my fault,” I mumbled. He sighed, running his fingers through
his hair again.
“It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I’ve know Tanya for a long time, and evidently at some point
she got it into her head that I was going to fall in love with her and settle down with her or
whatever. She can’t quite grasp the concept that she isn’t exactly my type.”
I looked at him, slightly surprised. Edward reached around me, brushing my arm and
grabbed one of the peanut butter cookies from the rack. “She’s not your type?” I asked with
disbelief.
He glanced over at me, shaking his head and taking a bite of the cookie. “No, why does that
surprise you? And this cookie is fucking fantastic, by the way.”
I smiled lightly at the compliment. “Thank you. And I guess it just surprised me because
you went out with her last night and she’s a beautiful girl.”
“You think Tanya’s beautiful?” he asked, his tone completely curious. I nodded.
“She looks almost perfect, like she belongs on a magazine cover,” I said.
He laughed. “Exactly. She’s not fucking real. Too manicured, too fucking fake. She tries too
hard. I could never really be with someone who spends hours in front of a mirror every
morning putting on a shitload of makeup and perfecting their hair only for them to wind up
looking like a damn Barbie doll. I need someone who’s not afraid to get their hands dirty
and that isn’t her. Tanya would snap if she chipped a fucking fingernail. Perfection is not
my definition of beauty.”
“Oh,” I said simply, not exactly sure how to respond to that. I immediately wondered what
he thought beauty was, but was too shy to ask. He laughed again at my lame response,
reaching over and grabbing another cookie from the rack.
“Eat a cookie, Bella,” he said, turning and heading for the stairs.
I was cleaning up the kitchen when a car pulled up out front. Jasper and Emmett climbed
out of Emmett’s jeep, both acting sluggish and looking rough. They came into the house
and headed straight for the kitchen. Jasper grabbed some bottles of water from the fridge
and Emmett grabbed the bottle of aspirin out of the cabinet.
Edward came down the steps and walked into the kitchen. He looked at his brothers and
started laughing, shaking his head. “Sfatto,” he said, reaching over and slapping Jasper on
the back. Jasper winced and pulled away from Edward, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, well, what time did you get in?” he asked. Edward laughed, shrugging.
“Who fucking knows? Midnight maybe? I didn’t exactly look at the clock when I arrived,”
he said, glancing over at me with his eyebrows raised. I nodded and smiled. I’d found him
in the kitchen slightly after midnight.
Both of his brothers looked at him, obviously surprised by that answer. Emmett’s phone
rang and he answered it, giving Edward one last strange glance before walking out of the
room. Jasper just stood there, staring at Edward as if he were crazy. “You’re serious? You
really came home at midnight?”
Edward nodded. “Isabella and I hung out until like 3:30,” he said, shrugging. Jasper
glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow. I smiled and nodded, confirming it. He stared at
me for a moment with a curious expression on his face before turning back to Edward. He
cocked an eyebrow at him and Edward groaned, rolling his eyes.
“We were fucking reading. Well, she was. I was getting high and blowing smoke at her,” he
said, chuckling. My eyes widened at his admission. Jasper stared at Edward for a moment,
looking completely stunned.
“You got her high?” he asked with disbelief. He blinked a few times before his head
snapped in my direction, shock on his face. “Wait, I thought you were illiterate?”
Edward laughed loudly and I blushed, embarrassed. I couldn’t believe Edward was telling
everything so nonchalantly.
“She knows basics, just a little rough around the edges,” Edward said. He leaned back
against the counter, grabbing another cookie from the rack and munching on it. He was
staring at me and his gaze was making me feel slightly self-conscious. Jasper spotted the
cookies and grabbed one also, taking a bite.
“I don’t remember the last time I had a real homemade peanut butter cookie,” he mumbled
with his mouth full. I smiled lightly. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had one, and these are
awesome. But that’s great you aren’t completely illiterate. We’ll have to help you out with
that.”
Edward smirked at me. “Yeah, that’s what I told her.”
I heard gravel crunching outside and glanced out the window to see the black car pull up.
“Dr. Cullen’s home,” I said softly, turning away from the boys. I grabbed a container from
the cabinet and started putting the cookies in it now that they were cooled. I heard the
front door open and footsteps head toward the kitchen.
“Morning, boys,” Dr. Cullen said, walking in the room. They both mumbled good morning,
and Jasper turned and walked out. Edward hung back near the doorway, watching his dad
curiously. Dr. Cullen walked over to where I was, pausing beside me. He was so close that
his arm brushed against mine and sent chills of fright through me. Dr. Cullen’s presence
still alarmed me after what happened that day. I had a hard time pushing aside that version
of him to accept the compassionate man again and wasn’t sure I’d ever be completely
comfortable with him again.
“Morning, dolcezza,” he said softly, reaching into the container in front of me and grabbing
a cookie.
“Good morning, sir,” I said softly. “Uh… what does that mean?”
He glanced over at me and raised his eyebrows, smiling. “Dolcezza?” he asked. His
expression was light and carefree, his eyes practically dancing. He looked to be happy and
that wasn’t usual for him. He was very rarely so relaxed in appearance, his appearance
usually always having a hard edge to it.
“Yes, sir. That.”
He took a bite of the cookie, nodding. “Italian for ‘sweetie’ basically. And this cookie is
amazing, thank you.”
My eyes widened and I nodded, slightly stunned. Sweetie? He smiled once more and
turned, heading out of the kitchen. I had no idea what had gotten into Dr. Cullen to make
him so happy this morning but it was startling.
I continued to put the cookies away and heard footsteps come up behind me. I glanced
around and saw Edward approach. He turned and hopped up onto the counter near where
I was standing and grabbed another cookie from the container before I could put the lid on
them. I smiled at him, proud that he seemed to enjoy my baking. He returned the smile and
took a bite of it, staring at me. I started cleaning up the area, trying to ignore his intense
gaze because it was making me self-conscious.
“Are you okay?” he asked after a moment, his voice quiet and laced with concern. I looked
at him and saw he genuinely looked worried and that confused me a bit.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked hesitantly, a little curious as to why he was
asking me that question. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
“You have nightmares,” he said, shrugging. My eyes widened slightly and I looked away
from him, embarrassed that I’d apparently bothered him after all last night.
“I’m sorry if I disturbed your sleep,” I said softly. “I didn’t intend to. I should’ve gone back
to my room.”
He groaned. “I don’t care about that, angelo. You didn’t bother me, just worried me a bit
when you started freaking out on me.”
I could feel his eyes on me but couldn’t look up to meet his gaze. I felt my cheeks growing
warm from embarrassment. “I’m fine,” I said, hesitating. “I, uh… I don’t know why that
happened, it doesn’t usually.” I was lying but I was a little uncomfortable talking to him
about it. I didn’t want him to worry about me, he shouldn’t have to do that.
“Bullshit,” he said. I glanced up at him, a little stunned. He had an eyebrow cocked at me.
“Why are you lying to me?”
My heart started racing as I inwardly started panicking. “What makes you think I’m lying?”
I asked. He sighed and shook his head.
“I can hear you, you know. You cry out every night. And you look like you haven’t fucking
been sleeping, like last night was the longest you’ve slept in forever,” he said. I groaned and
closed my eyes, putting my arms down on the counter and laying my head down. I couldn’t
believe he could hear me at night. I didn’t think I was that loud.
“I didn’t know you could hear me. I’m sorry,” I mumbled, sighing and keeping my head
down.
“Don’t apologize. I was just worried about you, and I surely don’t get why the fuck you’d
stand here and lie to me about it.”
I felt tears welling up in my eyes but fought them back, not wanting to look like an idiot and
cry. “Because it’s stupid, and not that big of a deal,” I muttered.
He sighed but didn’t say anything. After a moment I felt his hand on the back of my head.
He ran his fingers through my hair softly, bringing them down and rubbing the top of my
back gently. “It is a big deal if it’s keeping you from sleeping. I know what that’s like, you
know.” I glanced up at him with surprise. He smiled lightly when my eyes met his. “Do you
want to tell me about it?”
I shook my head no quickly. “I, uh… no,” I said. He smiled lightly and nodded.
“Okay. If you change your mind, I’m all ears. And I’m sorry if I made you in any way
uncomfortable in bed with me, but it seemed to calm you down some when I held you.”
My eyes widened—he did that? I thought I practically forced myself into his arms, not at all
considering he did it intentionally. “No, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. It was, uh…” I
hesitated, unsure of what to say. “Nice?”
He smiled and chuckled, nodding and looking away. He removed his hand from my back
and hopped down from the counter. “Yeah, it was nice,” he said softly, giving me a small
smile before walking out of the kitchen.
I sighed, brushing the flour from my clothes the best I could, and finished cleaning up
before headed into the living area where everyone had congregated. Edward glanced up at
me from the spot he’d taken on the couch and smiled brightly. “Hey Dad,” he said, his eyes
still on me. My eyes narrowed a bit, unsure of what he was doing but he had a mischievous
look on his face that made me anxious.
“Yeah?” Dr. Cullen replied from the chair he was sitting in across the room. He didn’t look
at Edward, continued to stare at the TV.
“I think we’re gonna teach Isabella how to read,” he said. “At least then someone will get
some use out of the library.” My eyes widened and fear shot through me, afraid of Dr.
Cullen’s reaction. Edward said he had me covered when he gave me the book and I had no
idea what he meant by that, but could it really be that simple?
Dr. Cullen glanced over at his son briefly before looking over at me. He raised his eyebrows
and stared at me questioningly for a moment, seeming to contemplate about it. “Okay,” he
said, shrugging eventually and turning back to the TV. I just stared at him with shock,
glancing over at Edward. He smiled and winked and I dropped my gaze. I felt the blush
creep into my cheeks. “Have a seat, Isabella.”
I glanced up and saw Dr. Cullen looking at me again. I couldn’t tell from his expression
whether it was an offer or a demand that I sit with them but I knew it was better to be safe
than sorry. I sighed and turned from him, still not able to keep eye contact, and walked
over to the couch slowly. I sat down in the middle of it, between Jasper and Edward.
Edward had his feet kicked up on the table in front of him, slouched down with his arms
crossed over his chest. My arm brushed his and he glanced over at me, smiling lightly.
Jasper had his long legs stretched out in front of him and was drumming his fingers on the
arm of the couch. We all sat quietly for a while, their attention fixated on the TV. I had no
idea what it was, some movie about some guy. I couldn’t focus on it--Edward’s closeness
was messing with me.
There was a knock on the door after awhile and I glanced around, confused as no one got
up to get it. I considered doing it myself but was slightly afraid to after the previous
encounter this morning. They knocked once more and I felt my heart racing, confusion
finally setting in as the door was pushed open.
“None of you douches can answer the door for me?” Rosalie’s voice filtered through
immediately. I glanced over and saw Edward roll his eyes. I tensed up, slightly afraid of
her. I could hear the click of her heels in the foyer as she walked toward us, every step
increasing my anxiety.
“Hey, Rosalie,” Dr. Cullen said as she entered, not taking his eyes off the TV. She paused
and glanced around at all of us, her eyes lingering on me for slightly longer than I was
comfortable with.
“Hey Doc, hey boys,” she mumbled. Edward and Jasper muttered a hello to her and
Emmett bellowed an enthusiastic ‘hey baby’.
They all chuckled at Emmett and Rose walked over to where he sat. She squeezed in the
chair with him, sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around him. Emmett squeezed
her tightly and they shared a small smile, their expressions both loving and warm. It was a
bit surprising and I smiled instinctively at the sight. Rosalie may be cold toward me, but I
realized she wasn’t a completely mean person. It was evident she had a nice side that
Emmett clearly saw.
I turned my attention back to the TV, not wanting Rosalie to catch me looking at her. I tried
to focus on it, tried to figure out what the movie was about, but Edward kept inching closer
to me and it was messing with my mind. I could feel the tingles in my body from his touch,
the scent of his cologne filtering into my nostrils and making everything else just seem so
insignificant.
“Hey doc, did your son tell you he beat-up Tanya’s car this morning?” Rosalie asked,
glancing over at Edward and smiling mischievously. Edward groaned and rolled his eyes.
“I didn’t beat it up. I put a little fucking dent in the hood,” he muttered, shaking his head.
“And she deserved it, busting in here this morning like some goddamn interrogator and
waking me up. I figured it was better to hit the fucking car than her.”
Dr. Cullen glanced at his son. “And why exactly did she bust in here this morning to
interrogate you?”
Edward rolled his eyes. “She went all psycho because I wouldn’t give her what she wanted.
She wants a fucking relationship with me or something.”
Dr. Cullen laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you lead girls
on, you know.”
Edward groaned, narrowing his eyes slightly at his father. “Whatever, I don’t lead them on.
I’m straightforward; they know what the fuck is going on. But regardless, maybe I deserve
the shit but Isabella sure didn’t deserve to get hit.”
Dr. Cullen’s eyebrows raised and he glanced at me. My heart started racing, my stomach
feeling queasy at the fact that I was being dragged into the conversation. “Tanya hit you?”
he asked.
I sighed. “Yes, sir. But I don’t think she meant me any harm. It was probably an accident.”
“Bullshit,” Edward said, glancing over at me and cocking an eyebrow. “Tanya was pissed,
knew exactly what she was doing.”
Dr. Cullen sighed, shaking his head. “I imagine she did. I’m glad you weren’t really hurt
Isabella. You shouldn’t be put in the line of fire with Edward’s puttani.”
Edward groaned but I smiled lightly. I had no idea what puttani were but I had a feeling it
was a not-so-nice name for girls. “It’s fine. I’ve survived a lot worse than a shove.”
The moment the words left my lips I felt sick. Dr. Cullen stared at me, his gaze intense. He
probably thought I was calling him out, as I realized that’s what it sounded like. It was true,
he’d done worse to me than Tanya ever could, but I hadn’t meant it like that. “Yeah, you
have,” he said after a moment, turning his head back to the TV.
“You look anxious.” I jumped, slightly startled as Edward leaned his head over and
whispered, his lips so close to my ear that I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I
shivered lightly at the feeling, my cheeks reddening immediately from embarrassment
because of my reaction. Edward chuckled lightly, his mouth still close to my ear. I could
feel his messy hair brushing against my neck and cheek, tickling my skin.
“I’m okay,” I said softly, turning my head in his direction. He was so close my cheek grazed
his nose and the tip of our noses brushed when our eyes met. He pulled his head back
quickly, but kept his gaze on me. He raised an eyebrow and we stared at each other for a
moment.
“I hate this movie,” Rosalie said after a moment, breaking the silence in the room and
startling me. I’d been so caught up in Edward’s eyes that I’d forgotten we weren’t alone. I
turned my attention back to the TV, trying to focus on it.
“You hate everything,” Edward muttered. I felt the cushion move as he shifted his position
slightly.
“Whatever. I just hate not knowing the ending. I mean, seriously, what the hell happened
to him?”
Dr. Cullen laughed lightly. “That’s the point. Jimmy Hoffa’s death is unsolved.”
My brow furrowed, that name sounding slightly familiar. I guess the guy on the movie we
were watching was named Jimmy Hoffa and evidently he died. I felt Edward lean back in
my direction after a moment. “It’s a true story. He vanishes into thin air,” he whispered. I
smiled lightly, appreciating the gesture. He must’ve seen the look of confusion on my face.
“Come on, don’t give me that shit. What really happened to him?” Rosalie asked.
Dr. Cullen sighed and shook his head. “If you’re insinuating I had something to do with it
Rosalie, you’re wrong. I was only ten when he disappeared.”
She huffed. “Come on, you’ve gotta know something,” she said. “I’ve always wanted to
know.”
There was a briefly silence. “If I were a betting man, I’d put my money on Frank Sheeran
being the one who actually took him out. I’d venture a guess he was cremated and his ashes
disposed of. Chicago had nothing to do with it, though. Hoffa was an asset to the family
with laundering money through the casinos.”
Dr. Cullen’s tone was even, his voice devoid of any and all emotion. It was slightly bone-
chilling, reminded me of how he’d spoken to me that day in his room.
“So he’s not under Giants Stadium?” Emmett asked after a moment. Dr. Cullen laughed.
“No, I don’t think so. Well, I don’t know, but if I’d have done it I would’ve cremated him.”
They all sat around, nonchalantly chatting about the Hoffa guy and laughing. I was slightly
uncomfortable with the situation, having been reminded once again how callous Dr. Cullen
could be. I couldn’t exactly run up to my room and hide out, unsure of how Dr. Cullen
would react to that considering he was the one that had told me to sit down in the first
place. After a moment I couldn’t take it anymore and leaned over to Edward.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked softly. He turned his head toward me and
smiled.
“You can bring me something if you want,” he said, shrugging. I smiled and nodded,
standing up. I took a few steps toward the kitchen, pausing abruptly before I exited the
room.
“Uh, do you want something to drink Dr. Cullen?” I asked hesitantly. I knew it would be
rude to not offer and the other two boys already had drinks.
“No thank you,” he said, glancing over at me and smiling lightly. I forced a small smile in
return to be polite, turning to head out when Rosalie chimed in.
“I’ll take a bottle of water, thanks for asking,” she sneered sarcastically. My steps faltered
and I felt my heart rate spike, slightly frightened that I’d messed up. I didn’t know if I was
supposed to ask her or how exactly I was supposed to treat her when she visited. Dr. Cullen
had said she was like a daughter to him, did that mean I was to treat her like a family
member?
“You’re perfectly capable of getting your own water Rosalie. Last time I checked, there was
nothing wrong with your legs,” Dr. Cullen said. His voice was casual but I was slightly
stunned by the words. Rosalie huffed in response but otherwise didn’t respond.
I took a few steps toward the kitchen and heard Edward’s voice. “You’re such a fucking
bitch, I swear,” he said. I heard Rosalie mumble a ‘whatever’ in response.
I walked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge, glancing around. I grabbed a can of
coke, opening it and pouring it into a glass. I grabbed the container of cherries and mixed
some juice into the soda, tossing a few cherries in and stirring it. I reached in the fridge and
grabbed a bottle of water, hesitating before grabbing another one.
I walked back in the living room and walked over toward Rosalie cautiously. “Here you go,”
I said softly, holding one of the bottles of water out toward her. She glanced up at me,
raising her eyebrows and staring at me for a moment before taking the water from me. She
turned her head back to look at the TV without saying a word.
I walked over to the couch, sitting back down between Edward and Jasper. I handed the
glass of cherry coke to Edward and he smiled. “You didn’t have to fucking do that, you
know,” he said softly, leaning over to whisper. “Actually you didn’t have to do any of it. I
can get my own drink and that bitch is surely capable of doing the shit herself also.” He
brought his drink to his lips, taking a sip. “I really fucking appreciate though,” he added,
chuckling.
I smiled lightly. “You’re welcome,” I said quietly. I glanced back over at the TV and
something from the corner of my eye caught my attention. I peeked over, my eyes widening
slightly when I saw Dr. Cullen looking at Edward and I. I couldn’t quite decipher his
expression, whether he was upset or mad or sad, but his lips were curved downward a bit
and his eyes were narrowed slightly.
I started to get self-conscious, afraid that maybe I’d done something wrong. I couldn’t help
the constant fear I felt around him now, as I was always afraid of unintentionally making a
mistake and setting him off.
Dr. Cullen’s phone rang and he looked away from us, reaching into his pocket to find it. He
pulled it out and glanced at the screen, a look of confusion on his face. He sighed and
answered it.
“Cullen speaking,” he said. He was quiet for a moment. “Yeah?”
I guess the person on the phone was speaking, as Dr. Cullen sat quietly listening, the
confused look on his face growing. “How many hits did you say you had?” he asked, his
voice portraying the same amount of confusion. A surge of instinctive fear shot through
me, knowing ‘hits’ was what people called it when the mob killed people. “You’re sure?”
I tried not to listen, not wanting to look like I was spying or anything, but Dr. Cullen was
speaking quite loud and clearly. “Well, who were they?” I peeked over and saw Edward was
watching his dad, his eyes narrowed slightly.
“What?!” Dr. Cullen said, his voice louder than before. “How the hell is that possible?”
Dr. Cullen groaned after a moment. “Do it again. If it comes out the same, we’ll redo the
entire thing. But that has to be wrong. And I expect complete discretion, you hear me? I
don’t want this getting out until I can sort this out, especially not when we’ve got so many
rats in the sewer system. Keep it off the record… we just don’t need to be hitting the
mattresses over this prematurely. Capisca?”
He tossed his phone down, pinching the bridge of his nose and staring at the ground. I
watched him from the corner of my eye, slightly confused about his shift in demeanor. He’d
been in such a happy mood earlier.
“Isabella?” he said after a moment. I glanced over and saw him staring at me.
“Yes, sir?”
“Do you know much about The Swan’s business? Did they ever discuss it around you?” he
asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
“Uh… no, sir,” I said hesitantly, caught of guard, unsure of why he’d be asking me about
Charles. “I mean, we were aware but Charles would punish us if we ever suggested he was
more than a realtor.”
Dr. Cullen nodded, but didn’t respond. He sat staring at me, his expression unreadable but
it looked as if he were studying me for some reason.
He turned his attention to Edward after a moment. He shook his head and pinched the
bridge of his nose. “Fucking cherry cokes,” he mumbled, his voice a mixture of anger and
disbelief. He got up abruptly after that, grabbing his phone and heading out of the room
without saying another word.
I had no idea what had happened, but whatever it was it couldn’t be good. I glanced over at
Edward who was watching me intently. I furrowed my brow, confused, and he shrugged.
“Beats the fuck out of me,” he said.
*****
Mob Speak:
Rat = someone who snitches/tells organization secrets
Off The record = Do something without the knowledge of the entire ‘family’
Sewer System = “waste management” is a euphemism for a mob organization
Hitting the Mattresses = going to war with rival organization
Puttani = whores
Capisca = Understand
Sfatto = When you’re fucked up after a wild night
Dolcezza = Sweetness
Angelo = Angel
Chapter 25 Forms of Communication
“Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace
kisses and punches” -- Ashleigh Brilliant
I sat in the uncomfortable little plastic chair, shifting around because my ass was hurting. I
was beating the end of my pencil against my desk, every tap irritating the shit out of
everyone around me but I didn’t care. I was bored and anxious and ready for this ridiculous
fucking class to get over with. Tanya was sitting behind me and I could practically feel her
eyes boring into the back of my head. She was pissed at me and I honestly didn’t care what
she thought, but I was getting annoyed listening to her exaggerated sighs and huffs. Every
exhale and noise that came from her made me want to punch her in the fucking face just
that much more. I’ve never lashed out so bad that I straight up punched a girl, although
I’ve wanted to a few times. That’s the only reason Tanya has gotten away with disrespecting
me so much over the years—I don’t hit females. But I’ll be damned if she didn’t tempt me.
Unfortunately Tanya knew I wouldn’t punch her, regardless of how much I wished I could,
and that’s why she has the balls to talk to me the way she does.
I heard my name being called and glanced up at the teacher standing at the chalkboard.
She was looking at me expectedly and I muttered some curse words under my breath. I
hadn’t been paying any attention to what the hell she was saying or what she was going
over so I frankly had no idea what she was calling my name for.
“Can you repeat that please Miss Jones?” I asked, using my light charming seductive voice
that even the female teachers seemed to cave to, and cocked an eyebrow at her. I saw the
corner of her mouth lift up into a small smile and smirked. Yeah, even that frigid bitch
wanted me--it was ridiculous.
“What’s the answer to question 21?” she asked. I glanced down at my book, praying I was
listening at least subconsciously enough to be on the right goddamn page.
“315 degrees,” I mumbled. I glanced up and saw her nod slightly, moving on to someone
else. I sighed, shaking my head and glancing up at the clock. Only fifteen fucking minutes
to go.
“What’s got you distracted?” Tanya whispered, leaning up in her desk so her mouth was
near my ear. I moved my head away from her quickly, repulsed by the feel of her breath on
my skin, and groaned.
“Like it’s any of your fucking business,” I muttered, louder than I intended as everyone
around me looked at me with irritation. I rolled my eyes—they all could kiss my ass. I sat
quietly, listening to Tanya continue her ridiculous huffing behind me for the rest of the
class, just staring at the clock as the seconds ticked away.
The bell rung finally and I slammed my book shut, muttering ‘about fucking time’ under
my breath.
“What has gotten into you lately? I swear, take some fucking Midol or something and get
over this PMSing because it’s not you,” Tanya said, throwing her book in her book bag. I
rolled my eyes again.
“You ever think maybe you just don’t know me?” I asked, irritated that she was calling me
out. “And why are you even fucking talking to me?”
She huffed again. “Maybe because we used to be friends?” she said.
“Yeah well, you pretty much killed that when you busted into my house like the goddamn
police coming to interrogate me,” I spat. I was still pissed at her, not speaking to her
because of what happened that day when she showed up at the house. I paid her for the
damages I’d caused her car just so she didn’t throw some fucking tantrum and try to sue
me or some shit, but her and I were far from being ‘friends’ at this point. She had come into
my room, screaming about how we fucking belonged together and that I was ruining
everything. I never made that bitch any promises, sure as shit never took any vows, so she
had no goddamn right to be acting that way. I’d been having a fantastic morning too,
dreaming about Isabella and looking forward to waking up with her in my arms. But
instead, I woke up to Tanya’s shrill voice and Isabella nowhere to be found. I ignored Tanya
the best I could, not giving a shit what she thought of me, but when she started on Isabella
it snapped something inside of me. I nearly fucking beat her like a man, didn’t give a shit at
the moment, but what held me back was the fact that I knew Isabella would see and I
couldn’t do that shit in front of her. Christ, I was trying to win her heart, the last thing I
needed to do was hit a woman in front of her—even if that woman is someone as vile as
Tanya. God, why did I ever fuck that girl? What did I ever see in her? I tried to calm myself
down but when I went back in the house and Isabella mentioned Tanya had hit her, I lost
it. I ran back outside to her car and she rolled her window down, thinking I had some
change of heart and was trying to make up with her or something. I leaned down in her
window and told her in my hardest coolest voice that if she ever touched Isabella again I
wouldn’t hesitate to fuck her world up. And I meant that. I wouldn’t lay a finger on her, but
I would hurt her regardless.
“And if you’re coming to the party tomorrow, I’d appreciate it if you left the fucking attitude
at home, Tanya,” I said firmly. I got up and slung my book bag over my shoulder, turning
and heading out of the room. Everyone was heading to 5th period but I walked right by my
classroom and out of the building, heading straight for the student parking lot. The only
reason I’d come to school today was for the trigonometry test I just took last period and
there was no way I was sitting through any of the other fucking classes. Not today.
Since we moved to Washington, we’ve been having a Halloween party every year. Alice
usually takes care of all of the specifics about it, the whole planning bullshit with
decorations and invitations, and the rest of us are usually just along for the ride. It’s always
a big deal in this small ass town--everyone looks forward to it every year.
Alice always handled the costumes too. I had no clue what the hell she had planned this
year and wouldn’t know until she showed up at the house in the morning with everything. I
was a bit worried at first, throwing a big ass party at the house with Isabella there now, but
Alice and Jasper had been insistent that everything would be fine. I wasn’t so sure I trusted
their opinion on the subject though, considering their dumb asses brought her to that party
after my game and she couldn’t handle it. I’d brought it up to Isabella a few times, trying to
gauge her reaction to the idea of a party at the house and she didn’t really freak out about
it, but I could tell she was a bit apprehensive. I tried to reassure her that everything would
be cool but honestly I couldn’t even know that myself. Bitches were unpredictable.
I reassured Isabella multiple times that she didn’t have to participate, that she could stay in
her room if she wanted and no one would bother her. No one was allowed up on the third
floor during our parties, they knew that. There was absolutely no reason for anyone to go
up there so she’d be left alone. But she said she was okay with it all. I couldn’t deny I was
slightly worried though, wondering if she had any idea at all of what she was getting herself
into.
I headed out into my car and started it up, spinning tires and pulling out of the parking lot
quickly. I scanned through my IPod, putting on some hip hop for the hell of it. I had such
an eclectic taste in music it was ridiculous—my music tended to change with my mood. I
flew through the roads, heading toward the house. Dad had left town early this morning for
a trip to Chicago to deal with borgata business and wouldn’t be back for at least a few days.
I gathered from his telephone conversation last week that they were having some problems
with people infiltrating and defying the Omertà loyalty oath and telling family secrets, so
they were going to be doing some sorting out and house cleaning. That conversation had
confused me though, as usually when Dad talked business I could pretty much understand
it all, having had so much practice over the years spying like the nosey little shit I could be.
I knew all the code words and what they really meant when they said stuff, which always
gave me a good idea of the shit my father was up to. He said ‘hits’ and instinctively I
thought he was talking about killing someone, but that didn’t make any fucking sense. They
never were that damn blatant about killing people when talking because you never fucking
know who might be tapping into the line—especially now, with the Justice Department all
over them. When they were taking someone out, they talked about remodeling, painting
the house is killing, like blood splattering the fucking walls, and carpentry work is
disposing of the body and cleaning up. You want to do away with someone, you ask the hit
man about a contract for painting a house and doing some carpentry work. So I couldn’t
figure out what kind of fucking hits he was talking about and why the conversation had
basically stunned him. He came home in a stellar fucking mood and I imagined it meant he
likely got laid while he was gone—which I didn’t like to fucking think about--but something
about that conversation had killed it. It had to be something serious, as he was worried
about a war starting because of whatever it was, and ever since then he’s been distracted.
All damn week he’s been on edge, fucking staring at people like he can read their minds.
Him being on edge made me fucking paranoid, since he was usually so nonchalant about
everything, so as much as I loved my father I was glad he was gone for a while. I needed a
damn break from all of that.
I pulled up in front of the house and shut the car off. I climbed out and shut the door,
heading toward the house. I stepped inside and froze abruptly in the foyer.
It smelled like pine-sol, all lemony and piney and just downright fucking clean. Usually the
smell of cleaning chemicals irritated me and I would’ve bitched about it and opened
windows to get the scent out, but it just didn’t fucking bother me now because I knew it was
Isabella’s doing. That girl could probably bring a goddamned skunk in the house and let it
spray around and stink shit up, and I’d overlook it and deal with it as long as she fucking
liked it. I swear, she had me wrapped around her pinky and she didn’t even know it. The
place was spotless, the floor nearly sparkling as she had very obviously scrubbed the hell
out of it. The house was completely silent so I had no idea where she was or what she was
doing, but it was evident she’d had a busy morning. I walked through the bottom floor,
glancing around and noticing every other room was just as clean.
I headed toward the steps, slightly confused as to why she’d cleaned so much. Dad was
gone and she had to know by now that none of us boys would really give a shit if she
relaxed a bit. I made it to the second floor and saw all the doors closed and no sound
anywhere, so I figured she wasn’t there. I headed up to the third floor and walked toward
our rooms. I heard the TV on in her room and paused outside her door, listening. I brought
my hand up after a second and knocked lightly.
I heard a yelp and the door swung open quickly. Isabella stood there, staring at me wide-
eyed, looking completely startled. I cocked an eyebrow at her, my eyes instinctively
roaming downward and scanning her body. She was wearing those fucking tiny shorts and
that low-cut tank top, the same clothes she’d been wearing the first night I slipped into her
room to watch her sleep. The black made her skin look so smooth and creamy that I had to
resist the strong urge boiling inside of me to reach out and caress it.
“Get dressed,” I said, cocking an eyebrow at her. She furrowed her brow in confusion,
glancing down at herself. Her eyes widened slightly with surprise, I guess realizing how
little clothing she actually had on.
“I’m so sorry,” she muttered, glancing up at me. I looked at her questioningly, confused as
to why the hell she was apologizing to me when it struck me what I’d said. She thought I
was telling her to get dressed because of how much skin she was showing.
“Don’t apologize. Seriously, never fucking apologize for that,” I said chuckling, shaking my
head and scanning my eyes down her body again. It was so obvious I was checking her out
but I really didn’t care if she knew. I cared if it made her uncomfortable, of course, but I
couldn’t exactly care if she figured out I was attracted to her. Honestly, she had to suspect it
by now anyway. I’d been calling her sweet names and flirting all week. “It’s just we got
somewhere to go and I’m sure you’d rather put something else on before we left.”
“Okay,” she said hesitantly. “Just give me a moment, okay?”
I nodded. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be in the kitchen.”
She smiled her sweet innocent smile and nodded. I lingered there for a moment, just gazing
at her and smiling, before turning and heading for the stairs to give her some privacy. I
didn’t want to look like I was hovering or anything, although that’s exactly what I wanted to
do.
I headed downstairs and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge and glancing around. I
sighed and grabbed a bottle of water, opening it and taking a swig. I heard her footsteps on
the stairs after a moment and smiled to myself. She was getting better at letting herself be
known and not being so fucking stealthy all the time around me. I hated being snuck up on.
I walked to the doorway of the kitchen as she hit the foyer. She had on a pair of jeans and a
shirt, looking casual. It was nice for a girl to be so fucking chill around me, not so wrapped
up in appearances.
She smiled sweetly at me, raising her eyebrows. “I’m ready,” she said, shrugging. I smiled
and nodded, hesitating before heading for the door. I opened it up and she walked by me
and outside so I could engage the alarm and lock up.
I opened the passenger door to the car for her, and she thanked me softly. I climbed in the
driver’s side and started the car up, pulling away from the house.
“Where are we going?” she asked. I glanced over at her, realizing she’d just fucking gotten
into a car with me, having no idea where we were going. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that,
as I’d been trying to get her to speak her mind around me and stand up for herself, telling
her she was allowed to tell me no. I hoped like hell she hadn’t just followed me and did
what I said simply because she felt she had no choice. But the alternate meant that she
fucking trusted me and I wasn’t so sure about that. I wanted her to trust me, wanted her to
believe that I would never hurt her intentionally and I’d do what I could to help her, but
could the girl actually fucking trust me to the point where she’d follow me blindly? I wasn’t
sure.
I opened the center console, glancing inside of it, looking for the list. “Open the glove box,
there should be a piece of paper in there,” I said. She looked at me with confusion, I guess
because I didn’t answer her fucking question, but she did what I said anyway. She opened
the glove box and started shifting some things around, looking for it. I glanced over and
saw her pull something out and hold it up, a confused look on her face. My eyes widened in
shock and I groaned when I realized she found the fucking condoms I always kept in the
car just in case. “Christ, I forgot they were in there,” I mumbled, feeling like a jerk. I mean,
it wasn’t like they were used or anything, but I didn’t like her seeing them because it
probably reminded her that I was the type of dickhead who fucked girls just for the sake of
fucking. She peeked over at me with confusion, holding up the little black Magnum box.
"Uh... what is it?" she asked hesitantly, her brow furrowed. I groaned again, realizing she
didn't even fucking know what a condom was and knowing I was going to have to explain.
"It's a condom. You, uh... put it on... or i mean a guy puts it on when you're, you know..." I
stammered. I ran my hand through my hair nervously, not knowing how to fucking say it
and feeling like an idiot. God, why did this girl make me so damn nervous?!
I groaned, more irritated now because of my fucking incompetence. She was looking at me
curiously, obviously waiting on a goddamn answer and not understanding. "They're for sex,
Isabella."
Her eyes widened with shock and she dropped the box, letting go of it quickly like touching
it was painful or something. I nearly laughed at her reaction and probably would've if I
weren't so damn embarrassed about it. I reached over and snatched the condoms out of her
lap and rolled down my window, throwing it out onto the highway. Her eyes widened with
shock at my behavior. "They're just for protection, you know. So you don't catch any
diseases or make any babies. I'm sorry you had to find them."
She nodded hesitantly, understanding. She blinked a few times, obviously still absorbing it
and likely trying to figure out why the hell I'd just thrown them out the window in the
midst of my overreaction. She glanced over at me briefly and gave me a small smile.
“It’s no big deal,” she said softly. She grabbed a folded up piece of notebook paper and held
it up, looking at me questioningly. “Is this it?”
I nodded, glad we were moving on from that disaster of a conversation. “Yeah, that’s it.
Open it up, what’s it say?” She closed the glove box and unfolded the paper, scanning over
it. Her eyes narrowed slightly after a moment and I saw her lips move as she silently
sounded out some of the words. “Out loud, Bella.”
She glanced up at me with wide eyes before turning back to the list. “Uh…. Chips… Pret--
uh, pretzels… Soda… Are we going to the grocery store?”
I smiled. “Yes, indeed, we are. Alice gave me that list almost a week ago to get shit for the
party and I haven’t done it yet. Honestly, she knows better than to fucking ask me to do it
because I always forget, but if I don’t get it done now she’s going to kill me. I figured while
we were there we could stock the house up since we’re starting to run low on shit. You
know, two birds with one stone.”
I didn’t know if she ever heard that expression but she smiled and nodded like she
understood, turning back to the list. “Do you want me to make some stuff for the party?”
she asked.
“No,” I said quickly, probably too forcefully as she jumped slightly. “I mean, you don’t have
to do that shit. I don’t want you cooking for all those fucking people or anything; you
should be enjoying the break with my father gone. It’s Halloween, you should have some
damn fun too.”
She smiled lightly. “I really wouldn’t mind,” she said with a shrug. I rolled my eyes.
“Well, I would. So would you do me the favor of relaxing a bit? Because I don’t want you
going out of your way to do anything for any of those mother fuckers. If any of them ask
you for anything, you make sure you tell them to kiss your ass,” I said. I was worried about
her natural instinct to do what she’s told to kick in and her start fucking taking orders from
bitches. I really didn’t want to cause a scene at the party but I would--I wasn’t going to
allow her to be disrespected in her own home. Because that’s exactly what it was, and I
realized maybe she didn’t feel like she had a home but she did. Her home was with us, with
me.
“Okay,” she mumbled. I rolled my eyes.
“Really, Bella? Just ‘okay’? I mean it, promise me if any of them try to order you around
you’ll tell them no,” I said.
She sighed. “I promise.”
I nodded, hoping she wasn’t one to break fucking promises. “Good,” I said. We pulled up in
the parking lot of the store and climbed out, heading inside. Isabella grabbed the cart, not
an ounce of hesitation or fear this time, and I smirked. It was such a simple thing but she’d
really grown a lot and adapted since she first arrived here in Forks. She was finally starting
to get used to things, getting comfortable out in the world. I still had a hard time believing
she spent her life up until now out of the public eye. They’d done the world a grave
injustice, locking such a beautiful creature like her away.
She went to hand me the list and I shook my head. I reached into my pockets and pulled
out a pen, handing it to her. It was my favorite fucking pen at that, the one that wrote
smoothly and seemed to have a never-ending supply of flowing ink. Yeah, I was even
finicky with my writing utensils—I couldn’t help the shit. She took it hesitantly and I
smiled. I practically pried her fingers off the cart and started pushing it. “You can handle
the list,” I said. She looked shocked and blinked a few times but nodded. I figured practice
makes perfect, right? Reading the words and making sure we got it all would help her at
least fucking apply what she learned. I’d been busy all week with football and school, and
hadn’t actually been able to help her, but Jasper said he hung out with her a few days this
week and they worked on stuff. He said he helped her out with practicing some technical
aspects, like rhyming and syllables and letter sounds and shit. I don’t know, like I said I
know next to nothing about how to teach people stuff but he made it sound like he knew
what he was doing so I was grateful. He had Alice around also some of those days and she
worked at a preschool over the summer so I assumed she knew how people learned how to
read. Yeah, I was completely out of my element on that—I’d probably be very little help to
her when it boiled down to it.
We went through the store and threw shit into the cart, both from the list and for at the
house. We hadn’t bee back grocery shopping since that day a few weeks ago, although we’ve
all stopped by the store to grab necessary shit like milk. She’d gotten the hang of our eating
habits over time and I didn’t even have to do much, as she grabbed our favorite snacks and
drinks too. I’d actually gained weight since she moved in because of her amazing fucking
cooking, which was nice but irritating as shit because I was having to spend even longer
hours in the gym at school to stay in shape. I honestly couldn’t figure out why the fuck
Isabella stayed so thin, she could use an extra ten pounds at least. I was beginning to
wonder if I was going to have to start force-feeding her. I never fucking saw her eating
anything.
After we made it through all of the aisles she handed the list back to me. I glanced down it
and smiled, seeing everything crossed off. I stuck the paper in my pocket with the pen and
we headed toward the register. I started throwing shit up on the conveyer belt, thankful
that the cashier this time was an elderly woman and not one of the Forks High bitches,
since they were all still in school. I wasn’t so sure how to handle someone hitting on me or
trying to hook up with me in front of Isabella. Christ, they could be persistent and I had no
intention of screwing any of them anymore, but I didn’t know how exactly to ward them off
without actually punching them in the fucking nose or something. I’d told a few girl this
past week that I wasn’t interested and they just rolled their eyes or laughed, thinking I was
fucking kidding or mumbling that I’d change my mind. I guess it was hard for them to
understand Edward Cullen not fucking around anymore, as it didn’t make sense to them.
And I couldn’t exactly explain why, but Tanya had picked up on that shit quickly that day at
the house. She’d been just lashing out and angry and I don’t think she actually believed the
shit she was spewing, but it still worried me. This town was small and people had big
fucking mouths, and I was worried about rumors getting back to my dad. And I didn’t want
Isabella to get the wrong idea about shit, especially if she saw other girls flirting with me, or
trying to grope me, or something. I’d been working up the nerve all fucking week to tell her
that I liked her and it was hard as hell. I mean, I wasn’t planning on confessing my undying
fucking love or anything, I didn’t want to scare the shit out of her, but I wanted her to know
that I thought she was special. I figured there was no harm in that and it would help me
gauge maybe how receptive she’d be to something more, but I couldn’t deny that I was
fucking nervous. Who knew Edward Cullen would ever be fucking anxious about a girl? I
sure as hell never imagined it possible.
I got all the groceries up on the belt and turned around, about to grab my Toblerone bar to
get my chocolate fix, and froze. My eyebrows raised in surprise when I saw Isabella had
beaten me to the shit and was holding one out to me. I smirked, fucking proud that she
remembered something so trivial. She was observant, that’s for sure. “Thanks,” I said,
taking it from her and tossing it up with the rest of our groceries. “Get yourself one too.”
She looked at me with surprise, hesitating before grabbing a second candy bar and putting
it up with the groceries. I turned back to the cashier, pulling out the American Express and
paying when it was all totaled up. The manager came over and bagged the groceries again,
sucking up to me like usual. I thanked him, and Isabella and I headed out of the store to the
car.
I loaded the groceries up in the back, keeping the top up because it was a gloomy day and
drizzling. I used to like the rain, fucking loved thunderstorms as a kid, but I was growing to
hate it because it kept me from being able to utilize the convertible. Winter was coming and
it would be awhile before I actually got to put the top down again. We climbed in the car
and I handed Isabella her Toberlone bar. “Thank you, Edward,” she said politely with a
smile, opening the candy bar all gingerly and pulling a triangle off to eat. I chuckled and
opened mine, taking a bite.
“Anytime, bella ragazza, you don’t even have to thank me,” I said. I started the car up,
smiling, and headed out onto the road.
We talked about nothing of importance on the drive home, mostly about weather and
random shit like vegetation, but it was nice just to chat with her. She was quite sharp
minded and witty when she opened up, never ceased to amaze me when she opened her
mouth to speak. It was raining harder by the time we arrived at the house so I pulled as
close to the front door as I could. I turned the car off and handed her my keys. She looked
at me with confusion and I smiled.
“Unlock the door,” I said, motioning toward the house key. Dad hadn’t given her one yet, I
guess because she never went anywhere without one of us, but I figured he would soon
enough. “Punch the numbers 62373 in the keypad and hit the big red button. Think you
can handle that?”
She nodded hesitantly. “62373,” she repeated. I smiled and nodded.
She got out quickly and ran to the front door, putting the key in the lock. I smiled, watching
her, and climbed out once she had the door open. I grabbed a bunch of bags and followed
her, tossing them right inside the door in the foyer.
She turned, heading to go back out to the car and I threw my hand in front of her to stop
her. I didn’t think about it before I did it, just wanted to fucking tell her to stay in the house
so she didn’t get wet, but she flinched back and her hands flew up in front of her
protectively. I withdrew my hand quickly, feeling like an ass for startling her. She was still
so sketchy about sudden movements and I should’ve known better than that shit.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I muttered. She nodded and brought her hands down, giving
me a small smile. She looked like she was ashamed of her reaction but really it wasn’t her
fault. “Go ahead and start putting this shit away, I’ll get the bags from the car. I don’t want
you to get wet and get sick or something.”
She gave me a look that seemed to be a mixture of confusion and amusement, but nodded
and started grabbing bags to take into the kitchen. I finished unloading the car and
dropped all the bags on the floor. I started digging things out and tossing them where I
figured they went. I was probably making the job harder on her by getting in her way, but I
felt like I should at least try to help. I didn’t want her to have to do the shit herself.
Jasper and Emmett arrived home when we were finishing up putting groceries away. They
came in the house and we stood around chatting for a bit before Emmett suggested getting
pizza and watching a movie. Alice and Rose were both busy with Halloween preparation so
neither of those fuckers had anything to do. We all agree and he drove into town to get the
food, while Isabella, Jasper, and I sat in the living room chatting. I kept waiting for Isabella
to try to leave and go hide up in her room or some shit, as this would be the first time she
ever actually ate with us. Emmett returned home with three pizzas--one with everything on
it for himself, one plain cheese because Jasper always eats fucking plain cheese pizza, and
another with just pepperoni because evidently I’m finicky and he didn’t know what to get
for me. Well actually, as Emmett put it, “Edward’s the dickhead that doesn’t fucking like
anything you get, so you just get the usual and hope he doesn’t bitch too much”.
I rolled my eyes and grabbed the box of pepperoni, not bothering to thank him after that. I
sat the box down on the coffee table, plopping down on the couch. I glanced over at
Isabella, quite shocked she was still there, and patted the cushion beside me telling her to
sit down. She hesitated, and I saw her eyes dart toward the stairs, but I cocked an eyebrow
at her and gave her a look that clearly said ‘don’t fucking dare’. I would’ve dragged her ass
back, there’s no doubt about it. There was no reason for her to not eat with us.
She sighed and sat down beside me, giving me a small smile. We sat there and ate pizza
straight out of the box, and Jasper put in the movie “Ghostbusters”, which we all saw a
million fucking times but it was evident Isabella hadn’t because it had her undivided
attention. I thought they’d want to watch a scary movie like Friday the 13th since it was
Halloween weekend but was thankful when they went with something a bit tamer. Isabella
had been having nightmares again all week and I found myself sneaking into her room to
try to console her. I don’t know if she knew I did the shit, as she never actually woke up to
see me but my presence usually seemed to calm her a bit. Yeah, I was getting fucking soft
but I loved doing that shit. Loved knowing that just my touch could scare away her
demons, even if it’s only for a little while.
When “Ghostbusters” was over, Jasper put in “Ghostbusters II” and Isabella was just as
captivated by it as the first one. When it was over Jasper offered to put in part three but she
declined, saying she was going to bed. She left and I sat around with my brothers for a
while, watching some whacked-out subtitled Japanese fighting movie Emmett bought
before heading up to my room.
Isabella’s room was oddly quiet for most of the night. Sometime around midnight I snuck
inside and saw her sleeping, looking fucking peaceful and almost happy. I sat down on the
edge of her bed and watched her for a bit, hoping she’d say my name but it never came. I
had no plausible reason to touch her, since she wasn’t in a panic or anything, but I couldn’t
help myself. I stroked her hair for a bit, running my hand along her soft cheek. I finally got
up and sighed, running my fingers through my hair, knowing I needed to leave before I got
caught. I left her room and headed downstairs, sitting my ass down in front of my piano. I
honestly hadn’t been playing much up until this past week, but I had a melody stuck in my
head that was driving me insane. After I calmed Isabella down from her nightmares I
usually came down and tinkered around with it for a bit, trying to flesh it out. Dad would be
happy if he knew I was actually playing around with it and composing a bit, as I knew he
hated seeing the piano sit over in the corner and collect dust. He never said shit about it to
my face though, as he’d be a fucking hypocrite if he did.
I gave up at around 3am and headed back up to my room, laying down on the bed and
passing out as soon as my head hit the pillow. A loud fucking pounding on the door woke
me up later and I sat upright quickly, startled, and glanced over at the clock. My eyes
widened when I saw it was already after 1 pm. Christ, I’d slept half the fucking day already.
I jumped up, cursing because whoever it was continued to fucking pound on the door like
they were the police with a goddamn search warrant. I swung the door open and spotted
Alice standing there with her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed slightly.
“I’m just wondering if you intended to wake up at all today,” she said, irritation in her
voice. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.
“Does my answer even fucking matter Alice, considering I’m up now?” I asked. She smiled
and shook her head.
“We’re decorating, be down in 10 minutes,” she said, turning and walking away. I shook my
head and closed the door, sighing. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a wifebeater,
pulling it on with my flannel pajama pants. I wasn’t going to even bother dressing yet as
Alice would be forcing us all into costumes before long anyway.
I headed downstairs, groaning when I heard Rosalie’s voice. I hated dealing with her when
I first woke up because I was naturally more of a dickhead then and she was always a
mouthy bitch. Yeah, we always conflicted but more so first thing in the morning. I headed
into the living area where they were, still half asleep and having no desire to spend my day
decorating when the shit was only going to be torn right back down—I didn’t see the point.
I could hear Rosalie and Alice chatting but the room was oddly fucking quiet, Jasper and
Emmett nowhere to be found. Rosalie and Alice were standing on chairs by the windows,
trying to tack orange and black streamers to the wall, and Isabella was sitting on the couch,
sorting through a box of what looked like fake flowers and was separating them into piles of
colors. I cocked an eyebrow at her, wandering what the fuck she was doing, but she just
shrugged obviously having no clue what the hell Alice had fake flowers for. I smiled lightly
at her and shook my head. I walked over to where the other two were and grabbed a hold of
the chair Rosalie was standing in, shaking it. She yelled, as I scared the shit out of her and
almost made her fall because she hadn’t heard me come in. She reached her hand out to
smack me and I jumped back. She narrowed her eyes and leapt off the fucking chair,
running straight for me. I ducked and covered my head and she punched me twice in the
back.
“You’re a jerk, Edward,” she spat. I dropped my hands and glanced at her, laughing.
“Yeah, well, you hit like a little girl,” I said. She narrowed her eyes again and her fist shot
out, punching me right in the fucking chest. “Christ! That fucking hurt!” I said, rubbing the
spot where her fist had connected.
“Who’s the little girl now?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow at me and smirking. I rolled my
eyes and turned away from her, glancing over at Isabella. She was watching us warily.
“Edward can you help Isabella separate those flowers?” Alice asked behind me. I sighed
and nodded.
“Sure, short stuff. What the fuck are they for, anyway?” I asked, walking over to Isabella.
She smiled at me and I winked, which caused her to blush. I chuckled and headed for the
stereo. “Do either of you have your IPods?”
“They’re for decoration idiot,” Alice said playfully. She hopped off the chair and walked
over to her purse, pulling out her little pink IPod. She handed it to me and I put it in the
docking station, turning some music on because it was entirely too fucking quiet and I
couldn’t do anything without background noise.
I sat down beside Isabella and started separating flowers. Jasper and Emmett came in after
awhile from outside, lugging boxes of even more shit. Isabella was quiet for the most part,
just listening to us chat, and I was already missing the sound of her voice.
A Justin Timberlake song came on, one of his new ones called “Like I Love You”. I wasn’t a
big fan of his music but I started listening to the words and chuckled. Fuck if it didn’t make
sense to me now.
We got up and started hanging bunches of orange and black flowers around the room. “do
you like Justin Timberlake?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow and glancing over at Isabella. She
looked over at me, seeming confused for a second before shrugging.
“Not particularly,” she said. I looked at her with surprise, having yet to meet a fucking
teenage girl that didn’t love that prick.
“I thought all bitches loved Timberlake,” I said, shrugging. She froze, her brow furrowing
and eyes narrowing as she practically glared at me. I’d never seen her look at me with so
much irritation before and it startled me. Christ, I’d yelled at her and cursed at her and
been a pure asshole and she always let it roll off her back, but she gets pissed about Justin
Timberlake? Hell of a time to start taking my advice about standing up for herself.
“What did you just call me?” she asked after a moment, her voice low but had an edge to it
that I’d never heard from her before. It almost frightened me, this soft little kitten growling
at me like she was about to bring out the claws. My brow furrowed in confusion for a
moment, unsure of what the fuck she was talking about and wanting that mad look to leave
her face. I heard Rose snicker and glanced over at her. She looked majorly fucking amused
about something. Alice was frowning, and my brothers were watching with a look of pure
anticipation on their face. I shook my head, trying to remember what I said that could’ve
upset her so much. I mean, I only asked her if she liked Justin Timberlake because all
bitches loved him.
My eyes widened and I groaned. “Ah, shit…” I mumbled. I fucking just called her a bitch. I
shook my head in pure disbelief that I’d just spouted that off to her. “Nothing.”
She glared at me for a moment longer before turning her head away and going back to
work. Rose laughed again, obviously fucking loving this.
I watched her for a bit, feeling like an asshole as it was obvious she didn’t like me calling
her that, even if I hadn’t actually meant it to mean anything bad. It eventually got to be too
much so I walked over to her and leaned in, my lips close to her ear. I inhaled briefly, her
hair and skin smelling like luscious strawberries. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
She peeked at me and shrugged. “It’s fine,” she said softly. I groaned, shaking my head.
“I really didn’t mean it like that, honest,” I mumbled. She smiled lightly and nodded, but
didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell if she believed me but I hoped she did.
I pulled away from her and noticed Rose was watching us curiously. I glared at her for a
moment, wondering what the hell had her so interested, before walking across the room
and continuing to put those ugly goddamn flowers everywhere.
We finished decorating and Alice started pulling out bags of costumes. She handed each of
us one, keeping a hold of two of them. “I’m going to get ready with Isabella, I’m sure you
guys can handle getting dressed by yourself,” she said. We all mumbled in agreement. I
opened my bag and smiled—she went with a pirate theme.
“Wait, I don’t get a sword?!” Emmett asked, glancing into his bag. I chuckled and Jasper
groaned. Every year that fucker wants a weapon, and every year he gets drunk and causes
destruction with it. We always go with themes where Alice coordinates all of our costumes,
she truly was master at that shit. I immediately wondered what Isabella’s costume was, as
Alice had promised me it wouldn’t be too scandalous because I knew she wouldn’t be
comfortable with something raunchy. I knew asking was a waste of time, as Alice would
simply give me that wicked smirk of hers that practically screams ‘I know shit that you
don’t know’ and refuse to answer.
Alice led Isabella upstairs. She looked fucking nervous and I felt bad for her, but I figured
she’d be okay. I headed up to my room, tossing the bag on my bed and stripping. I hopped
in the shower, scrubbing real good as I felt grimy for some reason. I hopped out and dried
off, heading into the room and pulling out the costume. I put on some boxers, pulling on
the black pants and black boots. I put a wifebeater on and the button-up white shirt on
overtop of it. I put on the black vest, buttoning it up, and tied the red sash around my waist.
I grabbed the red bandana and went into the bathroom, trying to comb my fucking hair
down so I could tie it around my head. I looked at myself in the mirror and smirked—I
looked fucking badass. I grabbed the hat and cocked it on my head slightly crooked,
making me look even better.
I glanced at the clock, noticing we only had about 30 minutes until people started showing
up. I spritzed myself with cologne and headed down the stairs, pausing on the second floor
and laughing when I spotted my brothers. Emmett had on some black and white striped
capri’s with an unbuttoned red vest with no shirt on underneath it, a big ass golden hoop
earring and an eye patch. He also had somehow acquired a fucking sword from somewhere.
Jasper looked like Captain Hook, with the formal looking robes and frilly shirt and big ass
hat. Yeah, I definitely got to be the fucking cool pirate.
I headed downstairs and grabbed my phone, dialing Dad’s cell phone number. It rang a few
times before his voicemail picked up, as I guessed he was busy with business. I honestly
didn’t even want to think about what the hell he was doing at the moment, but it was likely
illegal and probably pretty fucking violent. His voicemail beeped and I sighed. “Dad, your
eldest has a sword, so if shit gets broken he did it. I was just calling to tell you in advance
that I was going into the basement to get some liquor for the party.” I hung up and put the
phone in my pocket, pulling out my keys. I was the only one who had a key to the room
other than dad, and I only used it when I had permission to. I unlocked the door and
slipped inside, closing it behind me quickly and locking it. I didn’t want anyone walking by
and wandering in the room while I was downstairs... Dad wouldn’t be upset if Jasper or
Emmett came in, but anyone else he’d probably snap. This was the only room inside the
house that had a security camera, so he’d know if anyone entered it. The room looked like a
normal office, with a wooden mahogany desk with a laptop sitting on top of it and a leather
chair. There was a section in the corner that opened into a walk-in closet where Dad kept
some of his more flashy items, like the Italian suits and hats and wingtips--the shit that’s
used for show when they feel like dressing the part, basically. On the floor of the walk in
closet is a large Persian rug. I grabbed the rug and folded it up, exposing the door in the
corner of the floor. I opened it and headed down the flight of stairs into the basement. I
flicked on the light and a subtle glow came over the front room. It was full of crates and
boxes of shit. I grabbed an empty box and started throwing bottles of liquor into it. I didn’t
go past the area near the steps, having no need to go through his guns or see the torture
chamber.
I headed back upstairs with the box full of liquor, closing everything up and heading out
into the living area. I handed the box off to Jasper and relocked the room back up.
Rose came down, dressed as a raunchy pirate wench. I fought back the urge to call her out
on her costume, tell her she was supposed to dress up as something she wasn’t already,
because my chest still fucking hurt from her punch earlier. I had a feeling it was going to
leave a bruise.
Rosalie made some type of alcoholic punch and pulled out the blender, throwing together
batches of Margaritas. I went into the living area and turned the music up some, plopping
my ass down on the couch with a bottle of Grey Goose vodka. People started arriving and
we all started drinking and chilling. Someone got a card game going at the dining room
table and my gambling addicted brothers started playing. Alice had set up a table over by
the window and some of my teammates got a game of Beer Pong going, roping me into
participating. I hated beer, especially the cheap shit, but fuck, it was Halloween so I wasn’t
going to be a bitch about it. We were laughing and joking around, some of them getting
pretty drunk off the shit. I had a high tolerance for alcohol since I drank so much hard
liquor straight so it barely even buzzed me.
Tanya walked up to me while we were playing and smiled all sweetly. I rolled my eyes,
realizing she was trying to be seductive. She was dressed as a bunny, with some short ass
gray shorts that showed hints of her asscheeks and a white cotton ball on her ass, a skin
tight revealing gray tank top and some fucking bunny ears. Normally I’d find that shit hot
but the sight of her just irritated me now. I wanted to uninvited her but I couldn’t do that
shit. It may be my house but it wasn’t just my party. Her and Rose were friends and I
figured rose would’ve bit my head off if I told Tanya not to come.
I glanced at the clock when the beer pong game ended, my eyes widening with surprise
when I realized the party had been going for well over an hour already. I glanced around,
worried about Isabella, wondering where she was as I hadn’t seen her. Jessica came up to
me while I was looking for Isabella and started talking. I glanced at her briefly while she
prattled on about something, but walked away after a moment, as I had no patience for her
nonsense. She was dressed up as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz with a short ass dress and
normally I’d try to bend her over something and take advantage of that, but the sight of her
didn’t even make my dick hard anymore. I didn’t even really find her that attractive, the
sound of her voice grating my nerves.
I walked into the kitchen and froze when I spotted Alice. I started laughing hysterically,
shaking my head. She was dressed as a fucking parrot, with a colorful ass dress on that was
covered in feathers, and she had a yellow beak on her nose and yellow high heels. Leave it
to Alice to think of that shit.
“Hey, Polly,” I said playfully, nudging her. She smiled lightly, nudging me back. I glanced
around before turning back to Alice, cocking an eyebrow at her.
She sighed, obviously knowing what the fuck I was looking for. “She was really nervous,
didn’t want to come down. Jasper went up to check on her a few minutes ago,” Alice said. I
sighed and nodded, not really surprised.
Alice gave me a sympathetic smile and linked her arm in mine, leading me out of the
kitchen and toward the foyer. The foyer was empty for the most part, except for the people
filtering upstairs to smoke in Emmett’s room. Drugs had to stay in one of the bedrooms, as
dad didn’t like us doing the shit in his common areas because he didn’t personally ever use.
We stood on the platform by the piano, just waiting around to make sure she was okay. I
spotted Jasper heading down the stairs after a moment and frowned when I saw he was
alone. I sighed and glanced at the ground, shaking my head. I couldn’t lie--I was fucking
disappointed. I didn’t blame her for wanting to stay away from the party but I was selfish
and really wanted to see her.
I turned and was about to walk away when I heard the laughter, that innocent sweet
melodic sound I loved so much. My head snapped toward the stairs and I saw Jasper
standing there waiting for Isabella as she started down them from the second floor. My
eyes widened in shock at the sight of her, my breath hitching.
She looked gorgeous. No, she looked better than gorgeous. She was literally breathtaking,
which is saying a lot because it takes a lot to stun me. She had on a shiny gold dress, not too
tight but it showed her curves and fell slightly above her knees. It had fringe around the
edges made out of fake gold pirate coins, and had on a pair of furry brown Uggs boots that
fell mid-calf. She had a bunch of gold costume jewelery on with different collared stones,
hanging around her neck and wrists. Her hair was curly and she had a gold crown on. The
makeup wasn’t overdone, but it was slightly glittery, her skin shimmering. I glanced over at
Alice and cocked an eyebrow.
“She’s our treasure chest, eh?” I asked. Alice smiled brightly and shrugged. I shook my
head and chuckled. Only fucking Alice would do that.
Jasper led her over to us. She smiled sheepishly, looking so fucking cute and shy. Jasper
grabbed Alice’s hand and led her away, leaving Isabella and I alone. Alice glanced back and
winked at me. I rolled my eyes at her playfully but I couldn’t help the big ass smile that
came on my face.
I stared at Isabella for a moment. “La mia bella ragazza,” I said softly, reaching out and
grabbing her hand. She looked up at me, meeting my eyes. There was a sparkle in hers, a
twinkle of happiness. She glanced down at our hands and then looked back up at me.
“What does that mean?” she asked.
I smirked and shook my head. I turned and headed toward the kitchen, pulling her along
with me. I grabbed a bottle of liquor off of the counter and opened it, taking a swig. I held it
out to her but she shook her head, not wanting any. I shrugged and took another drink of
it, sitting it back down.
“What’s up Cullen?” I glanced behind me and saw Ben and Angela walk in the kitchen. Ben
was dressed as a cowboy and Angela as an Indian.
“Cheney,” I said, nodding in acknowledgement. “This is Isabella. Isabella, this is Ben and
his girlfriend Angela.” They said hello to Isabella and she said hey back, saying it was a
pleasure to meet them, surprising me with how fucking confident and charming she
sounded when she greeted them. I could tell she was nervous by the look in her eye but she
was trying to be strong and was putting on a great show.
We stood around and talked for a few minutes, Isabella being silent for the most part but
looking attentive and smiling and shit. Alice walked over after a bit, saying she wanted to
borrow Isabella for a bit. I smiled at her as Alice led her away.
I walked over and got into another round of beer pong, but I couldn’t get my mind off of
Isabella. No matter where she was, my eyes kept drifting in her direction and each time
she’d be looking at me. I’d smirk and she’d blush and look away.
After about a half an hour I couldn’t take it anymore and walked over to the kitchen where
she was standing. As soon as I hit the doorway Rose walked up to her, pausing in front of
her. “Get me a glass of punch,” she said, holding her glass out to Isabella. I froze and held
my breath, waiting for her reaction, fucking hoping she didn’t cave and do it. Isabella
hesitated for a moment.
“Sorry, no,” she said finally. Rose cocked an eyebrow at her.
“Excuse me?” she said.
“I said no. The punch is right over there if you’re thirsty,” she said, shrugging. My eyes
widened at her bravery, a swell of fucking pride shooting through me that she’d actually
stood up for herself. I walked forward a few steps and Rose glanced up at me. I smirked
and she narrowed her eyes.
“I guess she told you,” I said, shrugging. Isabella jumped, not having heard me approach,
and glanced back at me.
“Yeah, I guess she did,” Rose said. “About fucking time, too.” I watched in disbelief as Rose
walked over and filled up her glass with punch. She glanced over at us for a moment,
shaking her head. “I should’ve been the fucking treasure though,” she added, turning to
head out.
“No, I think being the wench was perfect for you,” Isabella said with absolutely no fucking
hesitation. I started laughing immediately and Rose froze mid-step. Isabella’s hand shot up
to cover her mouth, realizing what she’d just said.
Rose turned her head and eyed us. Her glare was menacing and I worried immediately that
I was going to have to fucking finally hit a girl, as if rose came at Isabella there was no
doubt in my mind I’d jump in. I was bracing myself for her to lunge, but it never came.
Rose’s expression softened after a moment. “There may be hope for you yet,” she said,
shaking her head and leaving the room.
“Ah, Bella, that was fucking brilliant!” I said, stunned. I started laughing and grabbed her
hand, twirling her around. It caught her off guard and she started laughing, nearly losing
her balance. I grabbed a hold of her so she didn’t fall and pulled her to me. I was buzzing
and feeling brave, and Prince’s Kiss started playing and at that moment I wanted nothing
more than for her to dance with me. I wanted to feel her body close to me, wanted to hold
her and just be with her for a moment. I gripped her hips and she jumped slightly but
didn’t pull away from me. I started swaying her body to the music and she looked slightly
afraid, obviously not one for dancing.
“Relax, tesoro mio,” I said, smiling. She smiled lightly in return, some of the anxiety in her
face leaving. I grabbed her arms and pulled them up over my shoulders before placing my
hands back on her hips and pulling her even closer to me.
“What does that mean?” she asked softly.
I smirked again, debating whether or not to actually answer her this time. “Tesoro
technically means treasure in Italian, although some use it in place of sweetheart,” I said
with a shrug. “So Tesoro mio is ‘my treasure’… which right now you literally are.”
She blushed and looked away from me and I chuckled. I swayed us to the music and started
singing along to the chorus, as it was the only fucking part of the song I knew.
“You don't have to be rich to be my girl,” I sang softly, my lips near her ear. “You don't have
to be cool, to rule my world. Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with. I just want
your extra time and your…”
I dipped her backwards, startling her. She yelped and wrapped her arms tightly around my
neck and I laughed. “Kiss.” I said playfully, finishing the chorus. I pulled her back up
quickly and twirled her again, because she was fucking beautiful and deserved to be shown
off. She nearly lost her balance again and I caught her, pulling her body so close to mine
that our noses rubbed together, and our foreheads touched. She was laughing, the sound so
fucking carefree and happy that it made my chest swell with all the love I felt for her. I went
to pull back, not wanting to make her uncomfortable being so close, and stopped abruptly
when Isabella’s lips brushed against mine. It was soft and innocent, barely a kiss but that’s
exactly what it fucking was. I almost thought maybe I imagined it but I could feel my lips
tingling. I brought my bottom lip into my mouth, licking it, and could taste the lip-gloss on
it from her mouth. I wondered if it were an accident, if maybe she hadn’t meant it, but how
do you fucking accidentally kiss someone? She had to have cocked her head to the side
slightly to do it. No, that was no fucking accident. She’d pressed her lips to mine on
purpose.
She pulled back quickly from me, her eyes widening. She brought her hands up to cover her
mouth, a look of pure shock on her face. I was just stunned, unable to do anything but gape
at her. I couldn’t believe she kissed me. I’d been stressing over the shit since that day in my
bedroom, wanting to kiss her mouth and taste her lips but unsure of how to go about it,
never even considering she’d make the first move. And God, that was fucking brave of her,
especially since I told her I just don’t do that shit, I don’t kiss on the mouth.
Isabella backed up a few steps and my brow furrowed in confusion, unsure of what she was
doing. She started to turn around and I realized she was about to run away. I reached out
and grabbed her arm, swinging her back in my direction and pulling her to me so her body
was pressed up against mine. Her hands fell from her mouth, her eyes widening even more.
I pressed my lips to hers firmly without a second thought, cocking my head to the side and
kissing her passionately. I closed my eyes and tasted her mouth, just fucking enjoying the
softness and sweetness of her. She seemed frozen for a second before she started kissing
me back, her lips moving with mine and parting slightly. I could feel her breath, her
breathing shaky but whether it be from nervousness or eagerness I wasn’t sure. I felt her
arm come up and she ran her hand along the back of my head, her fingers lacing in the hair
sticking out of my bandana by my neck. Her touch was gentle, her hands trembling. I
groaned into her mouth as that shit tickled and pulled back from her slightly. I felt my dick
hardening and didn’t want to fucking be indecent with her and press it all on her. I also
didn’t know if she were trembling from fear, if I was fucking scaring her, and that worried
me because I didn’t want to frighten her by kissing her like that. I mean, she started the
shit and was kissing me back so I didn’t think she was freaked out, but I didn’t want to
overwhelm her. I opened my eyes and pulled my lips from her, noticing her eyes were
closed and she looked pretty fucking relaxed. She opened her eyes slowly, her eyes meeting
mine. I smiled and stared at her for a moment. She smiled and blushed, bringing her
bottom lip into her mouth to chew on it nervously and looking away from me. So fucking
bashful. I chuckled and reached my hand out, gripping her chin and pulling her head back
up so she’d look at me. Her eyes met mine again hesitantly and I leaned forward, pressing
my lips to hers once more, this time softly. I gave her a sweet kiss, an innocent one. She
kissed me back, still blushing.
“Holy shit!” I pulled back from Isabella’s mouth quickly, breaking the kiss and dropping my
hand from her when I heard my brother’s voice. I glanced over and saw Jasper and Alice
standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Alice was smiling and Jasper looked fucking
stunned, staring at us with wide eyes. Isabella looked up at them, her eyes widening also
and looked almost fucking horrified, scared like she’d been caught doing something wrong.
I guess in a way she probably thought that.
“I, uh… have to go to the bathroom,” Isabella said, her voice shaky. She practically ran from
the room, not giving any of us any time to even really register any of it. I glanced up at Alice
and she smiled, nodding and turning to chase after Isabella. I sighed and brought my hand
up, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Jasper said, coming forward and smacking me on the back
lightly. “But shit, I surely didn’t expect to walk in the kitchen and see that. I figured you’d
make a move in private, not around so many fucking people.”
My eyes widened slightly. “I didn’t even fucking think about that. Christ, how many people
saw?”
Jasper laughed. “I don’t know. Other than Alice and I, I think only Lauren.”
“Lauren?” I asked. Jasper nodded.
“She was right behind us when we stopped in the doorway. I don’t know where she went so
maybe she got distracted and didn’t actually see it.”
I groaned, rolling my eyes. “Whatever. I didn’t mean to do it here but she kissed me first
and I just couldn’t fucking help myself.”
Jasper looked at me with disbelief before laughing and mumbling something to himself,
shaking his head. Alice walked back in and smiled lightly at me. “She said she’d be out in a
bit, wanted a moment to herself.”
I nodded and sighed, grabbing my bottle of Grey Goose and walking out into the living
room. I started taking gulps of it, grimacing at the burn but it didn’t deter me. I stood near
the beer pong table, watching Emmett get his ass kicked. He was getting sloppy drunk,
which wasn’t unusual for our parties. I gave him another thirty minutes at most and he’d be
swinging that sword around and breaking shit with it.
I felt a body press up against the back of me after a moment, a hand reaching around and
grabbing my dick through my pants. I jumped and cursed, pulling away and swinging
around. Lauren stood there and smirked at me. “Christ, what the fuck Lauren.”
“I can take care of that for you,” she said, her eyes drifting down toward the bulge in my
pants before she looked back up and raised an eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m sure you could,” I said. I looked her over and shook my head. She was wearing a
devil’s costume, with a tight ass bright red leotard and fishnet hose, with devil horns and a
tail hanging from her ass. “Where’s your boyfriend?” I asked, giving her a questioning look
that matched the one she was giving me.
She narrowed her eyes slightly. “You never cared about him before,” she said matter-of-
factly. I shrugged, taking a swig of the vodka.
“It’s evident you don’t care about him either,” I said. She rolled her eyes.
“I care about Tyler, but he’s not you. I want you, I’ve always wanted you. We could be good
together, you know. We are good together. I can take care of you like she couldn’t,” she
said. My brow furrowed in confusion for a moment before it struck me what the fuck she
said. Yeah, she’d definitely seen me kissing Isabella. “So what’s so different about her? I’ve
been trying to get you to kiss me for a long fucking time, you know.”
I shrugged, taking another swig of vodka. “What’s different about her is she isn’t the type to
let me bend her over the hood of my car in the middle of the woods and fuck her silly just
for kicks.”
Lauren cocked any eyebrow at me. “I didn’t see you complaining at the time, Cullen.”
I chuckled. “No, that was nice. I appreciated that shit.” I took another swig of vodka, not
enjoying having this fucking conversation. “But that isn’t exactly how you win a guys love
and respect.”
Her eyebrows raised. “Do you love that girl?” she asked.
I laughed bitterly. “Does it fucking matter, Lauren? I surely don’t love you.”
It was a harsh fucking thing to say, but I didn’t want to answer that question and I wanted
her to go away and leave me alone. She stared at me for a second, the look on her face
indicating she was thoroughly pissed, before turning and storming away. I drank some
more vodka and finished watching the beer pong game, fucking irritated at these females.
Couldn’t they take a goddamn clue?
I glanced around after awhile, looking for Isabella, wanting to talk to her and see if she was
okay. I didn’t want her to be freaking out about the kiss and wanted to explain to her that it
meant something to me, that I didn’t just fucking kiss her because of hormones. I spotted
Alice and Jasper after a moment but didn’t see her with them. Alice looked over at me and I
gave her a questioning look, wondering where the fuck Isabella was. Alice just shrugged,
obviously not knowing. I nodded, figuring it meant she was probably upstairs, and
mouthed that I’d go check on her.
I walked out of the room, brushing past Ben and Angela coming down from upstairs. “Have
you guys seen Isabella?” I asked, remembering I’d introduced them earlier.
“Yeah she was heading upstairs a few minutes ago. I saw her with Mike on the stairs,”
Angela said. I froze abruptly, turning to cock an eyebrow at her.
“She was with Newton?” I asked. Angela nodded and I groaned. That jackass was drunk; I
didn’t want him anywhere near her. I headed up the stairs to the second floor, glancing
around and not seeing either of them. I started to panic a bit. Everyone fucking knew to
stay off of the third floor—I was going to kill that motherfucker if that’s where he was.
I headed up the stairs to the third floor, heading down the hallway quietly. I could see
Isabella’s door was open and walked toward it, freezing when I heard the male voice.
Murderous rage surged through me and I nearly fucking sprinted the rest of the way to her
room. I paused in the doorway and saw Isabella standing right inside the door, Mike
crouched down in front of her with his hand on one of her boots. I didn’t even fucking think
about it, didn’t even pause to try to figure out what the fuck he was doing. All that mattered
was that he was up here where he wasn’t supposed to be and had a goddamn finger on my
girl, in her bedroom at that.
I took a step inside and Isabella glanced up at me, her eyes widening at the expression on
my face. I grabbed a hold of the back of Newton’s shirt and pulled him up roughly, choking
him with the fabric. I dragged him out into the hallway, in a rage, so fucking pissed off I
was shaking. He gasped, startled, and turned around to face me. I shoved him, throwing
him into the wall. His eyes widened with fright and I drew my first back, throwing it
forward and punching him dead in the fucking nose. He screamed and blood started
pouring from his nostrils. I punched him again, started fucking pounding on his face. He
brought his hands up defensively, trying to ward me and busted me in the mouth. I bit
down on my lip and tasted the fucking blood as my lip split open. The fact that he made
contact with me only pissed me off even more, even if it had been an accident. I started
punching him harder and he tried to protect himself but it was no fucking use. His ass was
mine.
He slumped to the ground, trying to get away from me, and balled himself up in the fetal
position. I grabbed the wall and reached my foot back and started kicking him hard. He
was yelling and trying to stop me, trying to grab a hold of my foot. I heard shouting and
footsteps on the stairs and someone grabbed a hold of me, pulling me back. “Calm the fuck
down Edward,” Jasper said. I shrugged him off of me, crouching down at Newton. He had a
big fucking gash on his head and his nose was busted, his right eye already swelling up.
I grabbed a hold of him and pulled him up slightly so he was looking at me. I slammed him
back against the wall hard and he cried out. “If you ever fucking lay a finger on her again, I
swear to God I will rip each and every one of them off,” I said harshly. He just stared at me,
looking frightened. I heard a gasp and turned my head. Isabella was staring at me with a
look of sheer fright on her face. It startled me and I stood up, reaching out to her. I didn’t
want to fucking scare her, that prick shouldn’t have been in her room. She flinched away
from me, taking a few steps backward. I took a step forward and she turned, running into
her room. She slammed the door behind her and I headed for it, wanting to fucking make
sure she was okay. I reached for the knob to go in after her and heard the click of the lock,
freezing abruptly.
Isabella had never locked the door before.
Chapter 26 Dispositions
“I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery
depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.” -- Martha
Washington
Alice gave me a small smile from the doorway before pulling the door closed softly behind
her, leaving the room. I sat on my bed, staring at the door, feeling queasy and nervous. I
could hear the music downstairs, the faint chatter of people talking.
I’d assured them all multiple times the past week that I was fine with the party, that it
wasn’t that big of a deal, but the fact of the matter was even the thought of it made me feel
sick. I didn’t feel comfortable around so many people, especially knowing Edward knew all
of them quite well. There would be a lot of girls at the party, girls I knew he knew
intimately, and I was afraid of how I was going to react to seeing them with him. I was in
love with him, I had come to grips with that in my own mind, and I knew along with that
was going to come less-than-pleasant feelings like jealousy. I knew seeing him with those
other girls was going to hurt, especially if he were touching them or being romantic with
them. A part of me wanted to just stay in my room and squeeze my eyes shut and cover my
ears and pretend none of it was going on, stay in my own little bubble of ignorance. But I
didn’t want to disappoint them. They all had talked so excitedly about the party and Alice
had expressed to me how happy it made her that I was joining them, and I couldn’t just
chicken out and lock myself away like an immature child.
I felt like a true teenager for the first time in my life, spending the day decorating and
hanging out and getting dressed up for a party. I didn’t have to worry about chores or
responsibilities, could just relax and have fun. But it wasn’t easy, as when it boiled down to
it I still felt out of place. Still felt like I didn’t belong, that I stood out and was inferior to
everyone here. And I was so afraid of going down those steps, because I was afraid that
with one look at me they’d all know exactly what I was. They’d all know I didn’t belong.
I sat there for a bit, feeling horrible that all of Alice’s hard work was going to waste. She’d
put together a really pretty costume that was quite creative, and I was just sitting here
hiding away and not letting anyone see it.
There was a soft knock on my door after awhile and I tensed up, unsure of who it could be.
They said no one was allowed on the third floor so I figured it was likely one of the boys, or
maybe Alice, but I wasn’t positive that people wouldn’t disregard the rules and wander up
here. I sat still for a moment, debating on whether or not to ignore it just in case, when I
heard Jasper’s voice. “Isabella? Can I come in?”
I relaxed a bit, realizing it was indeed someone I knew, and sighed. I stood up and walked
over to the door, pulling it open slowly. His eyes widened slightly when he saw me and he
smiled. “Molto bella,” he said, his eyes scanning my costume.
“What’s that mean?” I asked, stepping aside and motioning for him to come inside. He
walked into the room and I shut the door behind him, going over and sitting back down on
the bed. He walked over and sat down beside me, leaning back on his elbows.
“Molto bella means ‘very beautiful’,” he said, smiling.
“Thank you,” I said, surprised that he was calling me beautiful. I smiled and blushed from
his compliment, not used to people saying such things to me. He nodded.
Things were quiet for a moment and Jasper stared off into space, appearing deep in
thought. I wondered why he was up there with me instead of down at the party and was
starting to worry a bit. He sighed after a moment, shaking his head slightly. “Nella vita - chi
non risica - non rosica,” he said softly. “In life: nothing ventured - nothing gained. My
mother used to tell us that all the time. Anytime one of us would be nervous about
something, or we weren’t going to do something because we were afraid of the potential
consequences, she’d throw that phrase at us. It’s been a really long time but I can still hear
her voice saying it.”
I watched as he smiled lightly to himself, obviously remembering. It saddened me a bit and

I immediately thought about my own mother, trying to conjure up her voice in my mind. I
never wanted to forget what she sounded like.
“My mother taught me a lot, but out of everything that’s what I remember most. Her
teaching me that you shouldn’t be afraid to take risks. It may not always work out, you may
fail miserably sometimes and you might get hurt. But you’ll never know unless you try. And
if it does work out, wouldn’t it all have been worth it?”
He paused for a moment, sighing. “You can play it safe, Isabella. I wouldn’t blame you a bit
for it. You can continue on as you’ve been doing and you’ll survive, but is that what you
really want? Is that enough anymore, just surviving? Do you even want to, if this is what
surviving entails?” He turned his head my direction, looking me straight in the eyes. “Or
you could venture out and take a risk. Go for it, while you can. There are no guarantees, but
there are real possibilities. I can’t promise things will work out the way you want them to,
that you’ll get everything you want, but I can promise that nothing will change and you
won’t get anything if you don’t at least try.”
I stared at him, absorbing his words. He was looking at me expectedly so I nodded after a
moment, unsure of exactly what he wanted me to say. I understood it, and it made perfect
sense, but I wasn’t exactly sure what I was supposed to do. He smiled lightly. “You would’ve
really liked my mother. She was strong in spirit, the strongest person I’ve ever known. The
only person I’ve ever met who even rivaled her in strength is you.” I looked at him with
disbelief and he laughed. “I mean it. You’re a tough little cookie. And as much as you
would’ve liked my mom, she would’ve loved you. I mean… she wouldn’t have been okay
with the whole slavery part, would’ve absolutely never condoned it going on under her roof,
but had she ever met you and seen the strength and spirit in you, she would’ve completely
adored you. That’s just the kind of person she was, loving and compassionate.”
He turned his head to stare off in space again. “Our lives are lacking without her, none of us
have been the same since she died. Edward wasn’t always such an asshole, you know. He
used to be the most like mom, had a big heart and was compassionate, couldn’t fucking
hurt a fly as a kid. He was so naïve and gullible, too… but all that changed when she died.
He closed himself off to everyone, locked himself away figuring it was easier to stay
detached. Less painful that way. He forgot that lesson mom strived to teach him so quickly.
Edward will take physical risks in a heartbeat… sometimes I honestly wonder if he has any
regard for his own life… but anything that involves emotion is out of the question. You’re
good for him, you know. You’re good for all of us, but most of all for him. I think you
remind him of mom, remind him that those compassionate parts still exist. I think you’re
the first female he’s looked at like a true person and not an object since we lost her.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. Jasper saw my expression and nodded, smiling lightly.
“Odd, isn’t it? I imagine you’ve spent your entire life feeling like an object and not a person,
having someone basically own you and possess you, control every aspect of your life. You
end up here and meet someone who has treated all women like that, and he ends up
changing that part of himself for you. I know you probably don’t see it since you didn’t
know him before, but it’s true. You’ve managed to somehow tap into a part of Edward we
all thought was gone, the part of him we thought died alongside mom.”
I felt a tear stream down my cheek and blinked a few times, surprised that I was crying.
Jasper's words had touched a part of me deep inside, that part of me that I, too, thought
was died and had tried to fight back. The hope, the desire for something more out of life.
Jasper reached up and wiped my tear away, smiling lightly.
“Why?” I asked. He looked at me questioningly. “Why am I so different to him?”
Jasper shrugged. “You’ll have to ask Edward that. I mean, I could spout off some theories
about why he saw you differently from the first day you walked into this house, one of
course being that you probably remind him of mom, but he’s the only one that can really
answer that.”
I nodded in understanding. We were both quiet for a moment before Jasper stood up and
sighed. “So, tell me, Isabella. Are we going to play it safe and merely just survive, or are we
going to put ourselves out there and take a risk and truly try to live?”
I stared at him for a moment, contemplating, before taking a deep breath and standing up.
Jasper smiled, obviously pleased with my answer, and reached out for my hand. He led me
out of the room and out into the hallway, down the stairs. We ran into Emmett on the
second floor and Jasper managed to evade him and head down the stairs, but he leapt in
front of me with a sword drawn. He was making awful pirate noises, in character with his
costume, and looked completely ridiculous. I couldn’t help but laugh at him, his behavior
making me relax slightly.
I headed down the stairs after Jasper, glancing up and spotting Edward with Alice. He
looked so handsome in his pirate gear and was watching me as I walked down the stairs.
My heart started racing, those feelings I felt for him bubbling up inside of me. I paused in
front of him and smiled nervously while Jasper led Alice away.
“La mia bella ragazza,” he said softly, grabbing my hand. I was slightly stunned and so
curious as to what that meant, but like usual he wouldn’t tell me. He offered me alcohol,
which I declined as I didn’t feel comfortable getting inebriated around all of these
strangers, and introduced me to some people. Alice took me away after awhile, introducing
me to even more people and I was slightly stunned at how nice they all were toward me,
but I couldn’t seem to focus on any of them. My eyes kept drifting toward Edward
instinctively. He kept spotting me watching him and I’d look away, embarrassed that he
caught me, but I couldn’t help it. I was instinctively drawn to him.
I was feeling comfortable after a while finally and decided to go off on my own for
something to drink. I made it into the kitchen and was stopped by Rosalie, who told me to
get her some punch. I hesitated, my natural instinct being to do whatever I was told, but I
had Edward’s words ringing through my mind. He’d made me promise I’d say no, that I
wouldn’t cater to anyone at the party, and I wasn’t the type of person to break promises—
especially when it was Edward I had promised. So I took a deep breath to prepare myself
for the potential consequences of being defiant and told her no. Edward said something
from behind me and I jumped, having not heard him approach. Rosalie seemed almost
glad I stood up to her, which I guess made sense as Alice told me that was the key to
winning her over for some reason. It seemed odd to me, but Rosalie liked people standing
up to her for some reason. She made a remark about my costume and I spouted off
something about her costume, which seemed to stun both her and Edward. She left and
Edward grabbed a hold of me, seeming ecstatic at my behavior for some reason. It was so
strange, someone celebrating me being defiant. Just a few weeks ago I would’ve been
beaten nearly to death if I spoke such words to my master or people he knew. He twirled
me around, which caught me off guard and I nearly fell, but his happiness made me laugh.
He grabbed my hips and started swaying me to the music, which made me a bit nervous as
I’d never danced before and I was afraid of looking stupid or messing up and frustrating
him. He must’ve sensed my apprehension because he smiled lightly and said, “Relax, tesoro
mio,” while pulling my arms up on his shoulders. It was a completely overwhelming
moment, dancing with Edward, and I asked him what tesoro meant. I expected him to blow
me off so I was utterly stunned when he admitted it meant ‘my treasure’. I blushed,
shocked as he’d called me that quite a few times over the weeks. He found it amusing and
started singing along to the song, his voice soft and warm and sending shivers through me.
The words were sweet and made me feel that hope again. He dipped me backward abruptly
and I yelped, caught off guard. He pulled me back up and twirled me, catching me once
again when I nearly fell. I was laughing, probably loudly but I couldn’t help it. I felt light
and carefree, and even a bit beautiful at that moment. He pulled me toward him and my
heart started racing at the closeness. His body was flush against mine; warmth was
radiating from him, our foreheads touching with a light sheen of sweat on his. My nose
brushed against his and I stared into his eyes. The green was so radiant, so bright and
emotional. Looking into his eyes I could see the compassion and love inside of him, those
things Jasper had said they all thought disappeared. But I could tell they existed within
him, and that they were powerful. Jasper said that somehow I’d brought them back out and
all I could think about were his words, how Edward looked at me like a person and not an
object. To Edward I wasn’t a possession or a slave--I was just a girl. And I felt it at that
moment. I felt like nothing but a simple girl… a girl in love with the amazing boy in front of
her, at that.
I was so close to him that I could feel his breath on me. Jaspers words rang through my
head, nothing ventured – nothing gained, and I barely even gave it a second thought. I
tilted my head to the side and inched forward, brushing my lips against his softly. I didn’t
know what I was doing but I loved him and that was all that mattered at that moment. I
wanted him to see it; I wanted him to feel love.
I pulled back quickly, my eyes widening. I felt horrible instantly, remembering Edward
didn’t kiss people on the lips. Fear shot through me and I felt my knees weakening, my
stomach growing queasy. I covered my mouth with my hands, completely shocked that I’d
been that stupid. Jasper had told me to be brave and take a risk, but he didn’t tell me to go
violating people.
I started to back away and Edward’s brow furrowed. I turned around to flee, afraid of his
reaction, when he reached out and grabbed a hold of me. I tensed up and stared at him
with shock as he pulled me toward him. My hands fell from my mouth and Edward’s head
came forward. He pressed his lips against mine and started kissing me. I stood there in
shock for a moment, completely confused and stunned. His lips were soft but his kiss
forceful and passionate. He tasted like alcohol and mint, and it was an odd combination
but it was completely Edward and I loved it. I started kissing him back, having no idea
what I was doing but just following his lead. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I
was trembling, but I just closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel it all. My hands found
their way into his hair and he groaned into my mouth, pulling away from me. I opened my
eyes hesitantly and saw Edward was looking at me, smiling. I was nervous and bit my
bottom lip as I felt the blush creep into my cheeks. I tried to look away, embarrassed about
what I’d done, but Edward pulled my chin up so I’d look at him again. He leaned forward
and kissed my lips once more, softly and sweetly that time.
It couldn’t last, the radiance of the moment. Jasper and Alice walked in, catching us.
Edward pulled away from me so quickly that I was afraid he’d be upset that people saw. I
left the room hastily and locked myself in the bathroom, taking some deep breaths to calm
myself down. Alice knocked on the door and I told her I’d be out in a minute, that I just
needed a moment alone. I glanced in the mirror and smiled involuntarily, bringing my
hand up to my lips. They were slightly swollen from the force of his kiss and tingling, my
lip-gloss all wiped off. I was still so stunned about the entire thing, my mind working a
million miles a minute trying to sort everything out. What did all of that mean? What had
happened? Did that mean he liked me like I liked him? Did he feel the same sparks I did?
I headed out of the bathroom finally, still feeling slightly overwhelmed about it all. I
glanced around, looking for Alice to let her know I was okay since she’d been nice enough
to check on me, and froze abruptly when I spotted Edward. Some blonde-haired girl was
behind him and wrapped her arm around him, grabbing a hold of him.
I turned away quickly, feeling sick. I didn’t want to see it, couldn’t stand seeing him with
another girl. She was pretty and was wearing revealing clothing and there was no way
someone like me could compete for attention against someone like her.
I headed toward the stairs quickly, just wanting to get away and forget about it. I made it
halfway up to the second floor when I spotted Tanya standing at the top of them, smirking
with her hands on her hips. My heart started racing fast from fear and I stared at the
ground, hoping she’d overlook me. I didn’t get that lucky, however. The moment I reached
where she was, she moved toward me, slamming into me intentionally and thrusting me
into the wall hard. I winced and she backed away, smiling wickedly.
“Oh, I’m sooo sorry,” she said sarcastically. “I didn’t see you there.”
I didn’t say anything, not wanting a confrontation, and just turned to head toward the
second flight of stairs. Apparently ignoring her was the wrong thing to do, however, as the
moment I tried to walk away she shot her elbow out and jabbed me in the ribs hard. I
yelped and grabbed my side, my eyes welling up with tears at the cheap shot.
I felt a hand grab my arm and my eyes widened in fear. I turned my head around quickly,
startled when I saw it was a blonde haired boy. He had a concerned expression on his face
and I recognized him as being the one who talked to me at the party Alice and Jasper had
taken me to.
“Are you okay?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in question. I nodded quickly and blinked,
trying to clear my eyes from the tears, not wanting people to see me crying. I felt like I
stood out enough as it was, didn’t want to give people even more reason to notice me.
“I’m fine,” I said. My voice was slightly broken from fighting back tears but I smiled lightly,
hoping he wouldn’t notice. “Thank you. For asking.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know Tanya can be a bitch sometimes, she gets a kick out of torturing
people. Makes her feel better about herself or whatever. I’m Mike, by the way.”
“Isabella,” I mumbled. “I, uh… I was just going to go to bed.” I turned and headed toward
the steps for the third floor and hesitated, noticing that’s where Tanya had wandered off to.
She was standing right in front of them, talking to another girl. I didn’t recognize the
second girl but she was quite pretty herself. Both of them kept glancing at me and
whispering, laughing. I had no idea what they had planned but they definitely looked like
they were up to no good. I considered turning and sprinting back down to the first floor but
I didn’t want to have to see Edward with that girl again. Seeing that would hurt worse than
any physical blows Tanya could throw at me.
“At least let me help you up the steps,” Mike said, glancing over at where Tanya stood. I
narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously but he smiled politely. I didn’t think a boy would be
stupid enough to try something with me in the Cullen’s house with so many people present,
but I honestly didn’t know. I didn’t really know these people. Tanya had no problem
putting her hands on me, so what would stop the Mike guy from doing the same? I weighed
my options and nodded after a moment, preferring to take a chance with Mike to enduring
some more of Tanya’s antics if she caught me alone. I knew Tanya meant me harm for
whatever reason and Mike had done nothing to suggest he wasn’t just being a gentleman.
Both Dr. Cullen and Edward had indicated no guy would touch me sexually without my
permission and if anyone tried they’d hurt them. It was strange but that made me feel safe
in a way—safe from men. I knew I probably shouldn’t feel that way, but I did.
He walked up the steps with me, brushing by Tanya. She narrowed her eyes and gave me a
menacing glare but didn’t speak or try to touch me with Mike between us. He was babbling
about something, I wasn’t entirely sure about what. I honestly wasn’t paying him that much
attention, I just wanted to get to my room. He paused at my door and I opened it, walking
inside. I thanked him and he said goodnight, turning to walk away. I reached down to
unzip my boots immediately, as my feet were sweating like crazy. Tall fuzzy boots don’t do
well when you’re used to being barefoot most of your life. The zipper was stuck and I
tugged on it hard. It slipped from my grasp and I cut my finger trying to pull it down.
“Ouch!” I yelped. “Crap!”
Mike appeared in the doorway quickly, having heard me yell. “Are you okay?” he asked
with concern. I glanced up at him and frowned.
“This zipper’s stuck,” I mumbled. He laughed lightly and came forward, crouching down in
front of me. He tugged on the zipper and I groaned when it came down quite easily for him.
Why couldn’t I have done that?
I caught movement in the hallway from the corner of my eye and glanced up. Edward
walked into my room, the expression on his face downright frightening. My eyes widened
in fear, unsure of why he was so upset. He grabbed a hold of Mike by the shirt and hauled
him up and away from me, dragging him out of the room. I watched, horrified, as Edward
threw the boy against the wall and started punching him in the face. Blood started flowing
from the boys nose and he started screaming, but Edward didn’t stop. Mike’s hands flew
out as he tried to protect himself and he accidentally hit Edward in the face. Edward
started shaking harder, the fact that Mike made contact with him obviously spurring him
on. He started punching him more forcefully and Mike collapsed to the ground, trying to
shield himself. I was completely frozen, stunned and shocked and frightened when Edward
braced himself against the wall and started pounding on Mike with his foot. Seeing Edward
kicking the boy brought me out of my stupor and I ran out of the room, needing to do
something to stop him before he really hurt him. I’d watched Charles beat a girl to death
kicking her like Edward was kicking Mike. I watched the life leave her and that image
haunted me every day, and every night in my dreams, and there was no way I could just
stand there and watch it play out again. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Edward must’ve
misunderstood it, and I remembered him saying that no one was allowed on the third floor
but I needed Edward to realize the boy meant no harm, he’d just been trying to help me by
keeping me out of Tanya’s line of fire.
Jasper and a few others ran up the stairs the same time I came out into the hall, pulling
Edward away from Mike. Edward still had that murderous look on his face. He shrugged
Jasper off and pulled Mike up to look at him. Mike looked hurt pretty badly, but having
been injured by blows to the face countless times I knew it often looked worse than it was.
He was still conscious thankfully.
“If you ever fucking lay a finger on her again, I swear to God I will rip each and every one of
them off so you never touch anything again,” Edward said, his voice hard and cold. My eyes
widened at his words and I gasped, a shot of fear and dread coursing through me as I
immediately thought of Dr. Cullen. That was almost exactly what he had told me when I
touched his gun. Edward looked at me, the rage in his face dying slightly when his eyes met
mine. He stood up and reached his hand out to me but I backed away, not wanting to deal
with it. I couldn’t believe he’d said that. He started toward me and I turned and ran into my
room, shutting the door and locking it so he wouldn’t come in. I just wanted to be alone--I
needed to think. I was confused, so many different emotions and feelings surging through
me and I needed time to sort through them all, to make sense of everything.
I plopped down on my bed on my stomach and grabbed my pillow, covering my head with
it. There was a knock on my door and I heard Edward yell my name but I ignored it. He
stopped after a moment and everything grew quiet in the hallway.
I sat up eventually and started pulling off my jewelry, finally kicking off the boots. I didn’t
bother changing, just pulled the dress off and laid down in my bra and underwear. I could
hear the music downstairs, people chatting as the party continue on throughout the night. I
just lay there most of the night, trying to figure things out in my head. I was worried about
Mike, hoping Edward hadn’t hurt him too bad, and although it was ridiculous of me I was
worried about Edward. He didn’t make any sense to me, I didn’t understand. It was hard to
reconcile the Edward that had just beat up that boy in the hallway for touching me to the
Edward I see when him and I are alone. For someone who supposedly sees me as a person
and not an object, he sure comes off possessive like I’m a piece of property to be guarded.
I fell asleep eventually but the sleep didn’t last long. I woke up screaming and sweating
before long, having had another nightmare. There was another knock on my door and I
froze, trying to calm myself down. I just sat there while they knocked, hoping they’d go
away. I was in no state of mind for company, in no mood to talk about any of it. Not yet.
“Isabella? Please open the door, I can hear you.” I sighed and closed my eyes as I heard
Edward’s voice. He knocked again for a bit, calling out to me, practically begging for me to
let him in. A part of me wanted to, the part that never wanted to deny that beautiful
creature anything, but when it boiled down to it I simply needed to be alone for a bit. He
eventually stopped knocking and I heard his bedroom door close.
I drifted back off to sleep eventually and woke up around 7am. I climbed out of bed and
threw on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top, not caring what I looked like. I washed my
face, trying to get the makeup off that Alice had applied but the glitter was stubborn and
clung to my skin so I gave up. I’d take a shower later after I cleaned up. My hair was curled
and coated with hair spray that desperately needed washed out. I used my fingers and
pulled it back, just putting a rubber band around it for now.
I walked to the bedroom door, opening it and freezing. My eyes widened with shock when I
saw the splatters of blood on the wall and carpet. I looked away quickly, groaning, and
headed for the stairs. The second floor wasn’t too bad—the hallway, anyway. The boys were
still asleep so I had no idea about the condition of their rooms. I headed down to the foyer
and froze once again, my eyes widening with sheer disbelief.
Never in my life had I ever seen such a disaster. I walked slowly through the downstairs,
completely blown away. There as trash everywhere, beer cans and empty bottles. There was
food all over the place, in the carpet and on the furniture. Liquids were spilled all over also
and the place smelled wretchedly like beer and sweat. There was some broken glass in the
corner of the room and one of the couch cushions was oddly missing.
I walked into the kitchen and gasped. The sink was piled high with dirty glasses, the
counters covered in cans and bottles and food. I groaned and went to the fridge, grabbing a
bottle of club soda before walking over into the laundry room. I grabbed some rags and a
pair of gloves. I headed back upstairs, sitting the items down in the hallway. I went into my
room and grabbed a bottle of peroxide from my bathroom and took it out into the hall.
I got down on my knees and put the gloves on, opening the club soda and pouring some of
it on the bloodstain. I tried my best not to dwell on the fact that it was blood, as if I did I’d
probably be sick. I hated blood but had plenty of experience cleaning it up over the years. I
grabbed a rag and leaned forward on my hands and started blotting the stain, getting as
much up as I could. I used some club soda and wiped the blood off the wall, thankful it
came off quite easily there at least.
I closed the club soda up and opened the peroxide, pouring a bit on what was left of the
stain. I was blotting it up, praying the carpet didn’t bleach from the peroxide and that all of
the blood came up, when Edward’s door opened. I froze, my heart racing fast, and peered
up. He took a step out of his room, looking completely disheveled and exhausted. His eyes
widened slightly as he looked down at me. He sighed and frowned, closing his eyes briefly.
“Christ, what are you doing? You shouldn’t be doing that!” He crouched down beside me
and snatched the rag from my hand. I was a bit startled, unsure of what I was doing wrong,
and sat up on my knees. He was glaring at me and I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t be using
peroxide on his carpet, if maybe he knew something I didn’t know. They had special
windows that required special cleaner, so maybe they had special carpet. I was just trying
to clean up, not wanting the blood to set in any more than it already had, not wanting
anything to be ruined when Dr. Cullen got home. My eyes started welling up with tears and
I mentally cursed myself for being so weak, but I was still so confused and honestly
exhausted and overwhelmed that I simply couldn’t take him looking at me like that.
Couldn’t stand him looking at me like I was a screw-up.
“Fuck, are you crying?” he asked with disbelief. I turned my head away from him and
closed my eyes, wishing I would stop reacting so intensely. It was only making things worse
for me. I opened my eyes again and caught sight of his hand coming in my direction. I
flinched backwards, instinctively thrusting myself away from him and moving back out of
his reach. He froze and his face clouded over with confusion, a look of hurt in his eyes that
shocked me.
He dropped his hand and blinked a few times, still looking at me. He shook his head after a
moment and ran a hand through his hair. “I swear, I can’t seem to get anything right with
you.”
My brow furrowed. “I’m sorry,” I said instinctively, not understanding but not wanting to
upset him. My response seemed to only upset him even more, as he groaned and threw the
rag at the wall. It made a small thump and fell to the floor.
“You’re sorry? What are you sorry for?! Ciò è scopare pazzesco! I’m going to lose my
goddamn mind if we don’t stop this fucking dance we’re doing, Isabella!”
I just stared at him with shock, his voice slightly raised with passion. He was really getting
worked up about something and I had no idea what it was. “What are you talking about?” I
asked, shaking my head, trying to figure out what was going on. What dance were we
doing? I wasn’t trying to upset him; I didn’t mean to do things to drive him crazy,
He groaned and reached his hand out, grabbing a hold of me suddenly. I looked down at
his hand on my arm, fighting off the feelings his touch naturally did to my body. The tingles
that coursed through me, the swell of emotion it conjured up. I just stared at his hand,
confused as to why he was touching me but that irrational part of me wishing he’d never
stop doing it.
“Tell me you don’t feel that,” he said, his voice lower but still slightly forceful. I glanced up
at him, my eyes widening, afraid that he figured me out. That he could tell what his touch
did to me. All I could think about was the fact that I’d kissed him last night, it had to be so
obvious. Was that why he was upset? “Tell me you don’t fell those same sparks that I feel
and I’ll back off and leave you alone. But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.”
I stared at him for a moment, completely stunned. I glanced down at his hand on me briefly
before looking him back in the eyes. His gaze was so intense, the green so bold. “You feel it
too?” I asked hesitantly, trying to make sure I’d just heard him right. He laughed lightly,
anxiously.
“Of course I feel it. Christ, it had to be obvious what I was feeling. I mean, I kissed you last
night,” he said.
I blinked a few times, stunned. “But I kissed you… I shouldn’t have, because you told me
you didn’t do that and… ” I started rattling off, confused. He laughed again.
“You barely grazed my lips. I practically fucking assaulted your mouth. . And you’re right, I
don’t do that, which is what makes it so fucking crazy. I’ve been trying to get the balls to tell
you this shit all goddamn week.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, staring at
me, his eyes imploring me but for what I didn’t really understand.
“Tell me what?” I asked, confused as to what exactly he was saying.
He groaned and stood up, shaking his head. “Madonn', dovete scopante scherzandolo! Non
potete essere quei ciechi. Sparimi già nella testa maledetta dio e superilo con! Mettalo dalla
mia miseria scopante! Come potete non vedere quello ti amo?!”
I just stared at him as he ranted on in Italian, not understanding a single word coming
from his mouth. I sighed after a moment and reached over, grabbing the rag he’d taken
from me and thrown. I went back to blotting up the peroxide on the carpet, knowing trying
to listen to him was fruitless.
He quieted after a moment and stopped his pacing, pausing beside me. He sighed and sat
down, slumping backwards so he was leaning against the wall. He brought his knees up
and wrapped his arms around them, his posture indicating he felt defeated.
I peeked over at him after a moment and saw he was watching me curiously. He looked
exhausted, his eyes bloodshot with prominent dark circles under them. “Are you going to
translate?” I asked hesitantly, raising my eyebrows in question. He shook his head, his lips
curving upward slightly. I nodded, not at all surprised.
“I would’ve cleaned up the blood,” he said after a moment. “I spilled the shit, you shouldn’t
have to be the one doing it.”
I shrugged, sitting back on my butt and laying the rag beside me. There was a slight pinkish
hue to a small part of the carpet, but for the most part it was up. “Was he okay?” I asked.
Edward stared at me for a moment, his face almost expressionless. “Does it matter?” he
asked eventually.
I sighed, shaking my head at his unwillingness to actually give me a straight answer. “He
helped me, you know,” I said softly. Edward raised his eyebrows at me questioningly,
obviously wondering what I was talking about. “I got cornered at the stairs on my way to
my room and he stepped in to stop them. He walked me up to my room so they’d leave me
alone.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Who cornered you?” he asked, his voice having a hard edge to
it. I shrugged.
“Does it matter?” I asked, throwing his own statement back at him. It may not have
mattered to him whether or not Mike Newton was okay, but it mattered to me.
He groaned. “Newton’s fine, he’ll make a full recovery. Looked a lot worse than it was.
Now, who cornered you?”
“Tanya,” I said. His eyes darkened, his expression shifting to intense anger. I had a feeling
he was still upset with her for how she acted during the previous encounter.
“Did she touch you?” he asked. I could tell by the strain in his voice that he was fighting to
remain calm.
“Yes, but it wasn’t that bit of a deal. Didn’t leave any marks or anything,” I said with a
shrug. I’d had a lot worse than an elbow and a shove.
Edward shook his head. “I don’t care if it didn’t leave any marks, it is a big deal. She has no
right to lay a finger on you.”
I sighed. “What, are you going to beat her up for touching me too? First Jacob Black, then
Mike Newton. Who next? Are you going to beat everyone up who touches me? Look, I
realize that I’m your property Edward and I have no right to tell you what to do, but I don’t
like people being hurt because of me. I’ve told you before that I’ve spent my life paying for
other people’s mistakes and I can’t stand knowing that others are shedding blood because
of mine. If you want to blame anyone for it, blame me. Punish me. But please don’t
continue to hurt other people because they’ve been unfortunate enough to cross my path.”
His eyes widened and he stared at me with disbelief. I wondered immediately if maybe I
shouldn’t have said that. It was strange how at ease I’d become when speaking to Edward
and expressing what was on my mind, but I recognized there were still some things I
should never say. “You think I think of you as a belonging, something I own?” he asked, his
words low and almost a whisper. There was some hurt evident in his voice.
I shrugged. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I didn’t at first, but when you attack
those people it’s like you’re upset because they’re messing with one of your possessions.
You said to Mike almost the exact same thing Dr. Cullen said to me that day in his bedroom
when I touched his gun.”
He sighed, lacing his fingers in his hair and gripping a handful of the locks. He looked
frustrated. “Damn it, I never wanted you to get that impression. Sometimes I have a
problem with my temper, Bella, and I just snap at people without even thinking. I’m so
fucking sorry if I reminded you of my father, I never want to remind you of that shit
because I’d never ever do anything like that to you, I swear to God I wouldn’t. It’s just, I
feel… “ He hesitated, taking a deep breath and gazing at me. “I feel protective of you, and
it’s not because I think you belong to me, but because I want you to belong to me.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Is there a difference?” I asked. He groaned, closing his
eyes.
“That didn’t fucking come out right. Christ. Look, I, uh… care about you, okay?” he said
hesitantly, watching me cautiously. “And I know I fucking overreact sometimes but it’s
because I don’t want anyone to hurt you. And I know that probably doesn’t make any sense
considering I’m probably hurting you more acting out than any of those assholes did but I
don’t want to hurt you. I don’t do the shit intentionally. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever
known. You fascinate me.”
I just stared at him in shock. “I fascinate you?” I asked, stunned that he’d say that. Edward
definitely fascinated me, as he was a complex dazzling human being, but I couldn’t
understand why someone like me would interest him. There was nothing special about me,
nothing I could offer him that another girl couldn’t do better.
He sighed. “You don’t see yourself very clearly, you know. You’re different, not like all of
the rest of them. You’re perceptive and so fucking strong and wise way beyond your years.
You can understand me the way no one else ever could. And you’re molto bella," he said.
I blinked a few times, caught off guard as I remembered those words. Jasper had said them
to me last night when he saw me in my costume. “You think I’m… beautiful?” I asked with
disbelief.
His eyes widened when he realized I knew what that meant. He smiled sheepishly, nodding
slightly. He scooted closer to me, closing some of the distance between us so he sitting right
in front of me with our legs touching. “La mia bella ragazza,” he said softly, staring into my
eyes.
“You know I don’t know what that means,” I mumbled, feeling the blush creep up into my
cheeks because of the intensity of his stare. He always refused to tell me when I asked him
and it was maddening. I wondered if Jasper or Emmett would tell me, if Alice would know,
and considered asking them but didn’t out of embarrassment.
Edward nodded, bringing his hand up. He ran the back of his fingers along my flushed
cheek, stroking down my jaw line. My eyes fluttered closed at his soft touch, my head
instinctively leaning in his direction. “My beautiful girl,” he whispered.
I opened my eyes and looked at him again, completely stunned by the expression on his
face. There was so much love and compassion brewing in his eyes, his face soft but full of
emotion. His hand gently caressed my jaw line once more before it came down to cup my
chin. He brought his thumb up and rubbed it across my bottom lip softly and I breathed a
shaky breath, my heart racing fast. The desire on his face was stunning, consuming me. It
felt so surreal and I was nervous and excited, a bit shocked but utterly hopeful and that
feeling alone made me queasy. Edward was staring at me with such intensity that it felt like
he could see through me, see past my exterior and into my soul.
He glanced down at my lips briefly before looking me in the eyes again. He inched his head
forward slowly, cautiously, watching me. My heart was racing, thumping so hard it nearly
hurt and I wondered if maybe he could hear it. I leaned forward a bit, closing some more of
the distance between us. He smiled lightly at my movement and closed the rest of the
distance, cocking his head to the side and pressing his lips against mine softly. I moaned as
my lips started tingling from the connection and Edward groaned in response. His hand
was still holding my chin as he kissed me. I closed my eyes and brought my hand up,
hesitating before placing my palm against his cheek. His skin was warm to the touch, his
face slightly rough from the stubble of his facial hair. I felt Edwards other hand come up
and he laid it on top of mine on his cheek, pulling my hand off of him after a moment. He
intertwined our fingers together and sat them on his lap.
He pulled back from my lips after a moment and I opened my eyes. He smiled at me and
leaned forward quickly to briefly kiss me softly once more. “I don’t think you’re beautiful,
Bella. I know you’re beautiful.”
I blushed and he chuckled. “Thank you,” I said softly. I felt my eyes welling up with tears
but they weren’t my usually tears of sadness. These were happy tears, hopeful tears. They
scared me, as the entire concept was so foreign still, but I didn’t try to fight them back.
“You are too.”
He smirked, his cute crooked smile overcoming his mouth. “You think I’m beautiful?” he
asked playfully, cocking an eyebrow at me.
I laughed lightly. “Maybe handsome is more fitting? You are a beautiful person, though.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, I can’t say I’ve ever heard that one. I’m been called
pretty much everything under the sun, but a beautiful person isn’t one of them.”
I smiled and shrugged. “They all must be blind then, for them not to see it.”
His smile grew, his smoldering green eyes practically twinkling with joy. He gazed at me for
a moment before leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine once more, softly and
sweetly. “Now that I’ve started, I don’t think I can stop,” he said softly when he pulled
away. I blushed, nodding. I gazed down at our hands, our fingers still intertwined together
lying on his lap. It was all so overwhelming, none of it making any sense. I couldn’t figure
out what all of it meant. What exactly he was saying, what it meant for him, for me… for us.
What happens next?
He must’ve been having the same thoughts because he sighed. “How about we go
downstairs and straighten up some, and then maybe we can come back up here and talk
about what all this means,” he suggested, raising our hands up to emphasize what he was
talking about. I glanced up at him and nodded. He sighed again and let go of my hand. I
pulled it from his lap and grabbed the gloves and rag from the floor, standing up. I was still
so blown away and stunned that I had a hard time looking at Edward. He stood up and
grabbed my arm lightly and I tensed up instinctively. “Hey? Relax, okay? There’s no need
to be frightened of me, or of this or whatever. We’ll figure the shit out. And you don’t have
to hide from me, no need to be shy or close yourself off, okay?”
I glanced up at him and nodded. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, feeling bad that he’d just opened
up to me and I was holding back and tensing up. Edward shook his head.
“Don’t apologize. I have more reason to be sorry for shit than you,” he said, running his
hand through his hair. I smiled at him, realizing he was just as nervous as me. It didn’t
make any sense, as Edward had experience with girls, but it was comforting to know I
wasn’t the only one a bit anxious about it all.
He hesitated and we lingered there in the hallway for a moment, before he turned and
started for the stairs. I followed behind him, not at all looking forward to the massive
amount of cleaning that awaited us.
Edward froze when he hit the bottom of the stairs, so abruptly than I didn’t realize he’d
stopped and I ran right into him. My eyes widened slightly and I started to move away,
unsure of how he was going to react because of his temper, but he merely reached around
and grabbed my arm, stilling me at his side. His attention was focus on the room in front of
us, his expression one of sheer disbelief.
“Yeah, uh…” he started, his brow furrowing as he seemed to be concentrating on

something. “How about we forget I said anything about cleaning and just go back upstairs.”
I giggled involuntarily at his expression and he glanced over at me, cocking an eyebrow and
smiling. I shook my head, returning his smile. “Okay,” I said, not wanting him to feel
obligated to help. It was my responsibility anyway, the reason I’d been brought to the
Cullen household in the first place.
He gave me a questioning look, obviously not expecting that answer for some reason, but
shrugged. “Good,” he said, grabbing my hand and turning back toward the steps. My brow
furrowed in confusion and I resisted as he tried to pull me up them. He paused when he
realized I wasn’t budging. He glanced at me, seeing my confused expression. “I thought
we’d go back upstairs and talk.”
I stared at him for a moment, shaking my head. “I, uh, need to clean,” I mumbled. He
groaned and rolled his eyes.
“You just said okay when I said we were going to forget about it,” he said with some slight
irritation to his voice. I sighed, realizing I was confusing him.
“Yeah, we can forget that you were going to clean. But I really need to, I can’t let the house
stay like this,” I said, trying to clarify. He just gazed at me, looking a bit frustrated. I started
to feel a bit uncomfortable by the scrutiny of his eyes and was about to walk away from him
when he spoke.
“He’s not going to be back for a few days, you know. The mess can wait for a bit, it’s not a
big fucking deal,” he said, shrugging. I just stared at him with disbelief at his nonchalance.
“But, uh…” I started, glancing around at the disaster. There was no way I could just walk
away and relax, knowing how messed up everything was. I’d be constantly on edge until I
got the house back in order.
He shrugged after a moment. “Fine,” he said simply, taking the step back down into the
foyer. I stood and watched him as he headed for the laundry room, disappearing inside of
it. He reappeared a moment with a handful of black trash bags. He walked over and handed
one to me. “You start gathering up aluminum cans and I’ll go deal with whatever the fuck
got broken, as I know damn well there’s no way everything survived the night intact.”
I smiled lightly, slightly stunned that he was actually going to help clean up. “You don’t
have to do this, I can get it,” I said, once again not wanting him to feel obligated. He
groaned.
“I know you can, Isabella. Christ, just let me fucking help you so it can get done quicker,”
he said. He sounded irritated again so I just shut my mouth and nodded, knowing it wasn’t
wise to argue. I’d grown to truly believe that I could honestly argue with Edward and he’d
just take it, although he’d likely argue back, but I didn’t want to be disrespectful just
because he’d allow me to be.
“Okay. And you’re right, there is some broken glass in the living room,” I said. He rolled his
eyes and groaned.
“Of course there is. And I bet Emmett fucking did it. His ass should be down here cleaning
this mess up,” he mumbled, turning and heading for the living room. I stood there and
watched him for a moment, unable to stop smiling. He was mumbling to himself, likely
cursing based on his facial expressions, and started throwing stuff into a trash bag. It was
so simple but such a sweet gesture for him to be down here with me, helping. I ventured to
guess that wasn’t something he did very often.
I went into the kitchen and started tossing cans into the trash bag, clearing off the counter.
Every minute or so I’d hear noise in the living room, the sound of something being thrown
or Edward yelling loudly about something. I tried to push it aside and focus on what I was
doing, but every “goddamn” or “fuck me” or “Jesus Christ” or “What the fuck is that?!” that
came from the living room made me giggle. It was so utterly Edward.
I got all the cans picked up and lugged the bag over to the side of the room, tying it up. I
went over to the sink and pulled all the dirty dishes out of it to draw some hot bubbly
water. I started washing up the dishes when Edward walked in. He dropped a tied up trash
bag beside the bag of cans I’d gotten together, the sound of glass crunching echoing as it hit
the floor.
“We have a dishwasher, you don’t have to do that shit by hand. And have you seen the
fucking couch cushion? Because I can’t find it,” he said, definitely irritated.
“I don’t know how to operate the dishwasher. And no, I haven’t seen the couch cushion,” I
said, unable to stop myself from giggling. He came up behind me and my heart started
racing at his close proximity.
“Are you laughing at me?” he asked in a whisper, his lips right beside my ear. I shivered
involuntarily at the feeling of his breath on me.
“Uh… no,” I murmured. He chuckled and walked around me, moving a latch on the door of
the dishwasher and opening it. He pulled out the top rack and glanced at me with a small
smile.
“Get your fucking hands out of that nasty water and fill this up with dishes,” he said,
motioning toward the rack. I looked at him cautiously, wondering if he knew what he was
doing. I couldn’t imagine Edward ever doing dishes and considering the fact that he
couldn’t operate a washing machine, I had a feeling he was just winging it.
I started loading the racks up with the dirty dishes while he stood back and watched me.
When it was filled I took a step back and glanced up at him questioningly. He smiled and
nodded, looking quite proud. Whether he was proud of himself or of me I wasn’t sure, but
it made me smile none-the-less. I turned away, starting to put away the few dishes I had
managed to get washed by hand before Edward intervened. I watched from the corner of
my eye as he added soap and closed the door, latching it. He stared at it for a moment,
narrowing his eyes with a confused expression on his face. I held back my laughter, not
wanting him to think I was mocking him or anything, when I realized he definitely had no
idea what he was doing. He reached out and pressed a few buttons after a second and it
started up. He jumped when it started making noise and snatched his hand away quickly,
obviously surprised that he managed to get it to work. He shrugged and glanced over at me,
giving me a quick proud smile and walking out of the kitchen. As soon as he was out of
sight I laughed, shaking my head.
I walked out of the kitchen after a moment and took some dirty rags to the laundry room to
throw them in the hamper. I realized it was packed full and threw the dirty clothes in the
washer quickly, starting a load up while I was there. I walked out of the laundry room and
glanced over at Edward. He had the living room fairly clean, besides vacuuming, and was
staring at the couch. His expression was intense, his eyes narrowed like he was trying to
intimidate it into telling him where the cushion was. I laughed a little louder than intended,
my hand coming up to cover my mouth as Edward’s head snapped in my direction. He
gazed at me for a moment, his lips slightly curling up before turning back to the couch. I
shook my head and walked back toward the kitchen, laughing lightly to myself.
I walked in the kitchen, and the moment I neared the sink I hit something slippery. I slid,
my feet nearly coming out from under me. I grabbed the counter quickly, gripping it to
keep myself upright. I glanced around in confusion, my eyes widening when I spotted the
bubbles seeping out of the dishwasher. The floor was covered in suds and they were
continuing to pour out quite fast.
“Edward!” I yelled instantly, slightly freaked out. There was no way that was normal. I
heard footsteps approaching and turned my head around to see him practically sprint into
the kitchen, a look of concern on his face. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to
warn him, barely getting “watch out” out before he hit a patch of sudsy water and started
sliding. He caught himself, keeping his balance and glanced around in confusion. His eyes
widened when he spotted the bubbles pouring out from the dishwasher.
“Fuck me, figlio di puttana!” he said, walking carefully through the bubbles over to the
dishwasher. He started frantically pushing buttons and pulling on the door, trying to get it
to stop. It continued to pour out bubbles and he groaned, practically slapping the buttons
forcefully. His temper flared after a moment and he reached his foot back and kicked the
door hard. I winced at the groaning sound it made, my eyes widening when I saw the small
dent he’d left on the front. He cursed and hobbled on one foot for a moment. “Goddamn it,”
he yelled, slapping at the buttons again. It stopped abruptly and he froze, staring at it with
surprise. He glanced over at me, eyeing me cautiously, I assume waiting on my reaction. He
looked embarrassed about it.
“I think we have a little problem here,” I mumbled after a moment. His eyes narrowed
slightly with irritation and I tried to retain my calm, but the entire thing was just too much.
The kitchen floor was covered in bubbles and it was utterly ridiculous, and we’d managed
to make an even bigger mess than we’d started out with, but part of me found it completely
hysterical. I cracked a smile involuntarily after a second, fighting it back to keep a straight
face. Edward caught it though and narrowed his eyes even more, evidently not seeing the
humor of the situation. His irritation only made the entire thing more humorous to me and
I cracked. I started giggling and brought my hand up to cover my mouth to quiet myself but
it was useless. My giggles only grew louder.
“Are you laughing at me again?” Edward asked, cocking an eyebrow at me, not looking the
least bit amused. I started laughing harder, my entire body shaking with amusement. I
went to move away from the counter, not paying attention to what I was doing in the midst
of my hysterics, and lost my footing in a puddle. I slid, losing my balance. Edward shot
forward quickly to catch me and skidded in a puddle, his feet coming out from under him.
He grabbed me but instead of keeping me from hitting the ground he knocked us both
down. I landed on my back with a thud and Edward landed directly on top of me. I groaned
and closed my eyes, nearly losing my breath at the force of his weight on me. He pulled
himself up quickly and I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me with a horrified
expression on his face.
“Christ, Isabella, are you okay? I’m so fucking sorry; I didn’t mean to knock you down! Are
you hurt? Did I hurt you? Fucking say something!” he spat in a panic, his eyes wide. I just
started at him for a moment before pushing myself up so I was sitting. He backed away
quickly, sitting down on the floor in front of me. I wasn’t really in pain, just slightly
stunned about what happened. I was covered in bubbles, my back completely soaked with
the hot soapy water. He was staring at me with concern, the entire situation utterly
ridiculous. I started shaking after a moment and brought my hands up to cover my mouth.
Edward’s eyes widened more with fear.
“Don’t cry, fuck! Where are you hurting?!” The moment the words left his lips I lost it. I
started laughing hysterically, so loud and hard that it hurt my sides. I could barely catch my
breath in the midst of my hysterics. I felt my eyes well up with tears, and removed my
hands from my mouth to wipe them away. I’d never laughed so hard in my life and
imagined I looked absolutely ridiculous but I couldn’t seem to stop.
Edward was watching me, completely stunned with a look of absolute impatience of his
face. “You fucking scared me! I thought I fucking hurt you!” he yelled. I felt bad that I’d
evidently scared him but I couldn’t seemed to be bothered by his irritation at the matter, as
I couldn’t stop laughing. His angry façade cracked after a moment though and the corner of
his lips turned up. He started chuckling, shaking his head and glancing around. I caught
my breath after a bit, taking a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down.
“I, uh…” I started, shaking my head. “I think you may have done something wrong,
Edward.” He reached down and grabbed a handful of soap bubbles when I started laughing
again, flinging them at me. I turned my head quickly and they splattered me in the chest
and cheek. I didn’t even hesitate, didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing. I
grabbed some bubbles and flung them right back. They splattered him directly in the face.
He closed his eyes and brought his hand up to wipe them away.
“I can’t believe you did that!” he said. He lunged forward and I started scampering
backwards, still laughing. He didn’t sound upset but had a determined look on his face and
I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He caught me before I could get away and pushed
me back gently so I was lying on the floor in the soap bubbles again. He hovered over top of
me, keeping his weight off of me but keeping his body pressed against mine, pinning me
down. I grabbed some bubbles from the floor beside us and flicked them at him, a little
clump of them hitting him straight in the nose. I laughed even harder and he started
laughing along with me, not bothering to wipe them away. He leaned down and rubbed his
nose against mine, transferring some of the bubbles onto me. He didn’t pull away
afterwards—he kept his body pressed against me, his nose touching mine, and stared down
at me. His expression was reassuring, as he looked to be content despite the situation. I
cocked my head up after a moment, feeling brave, and pressed my lips to his gently. I
pulled back quickly, eyeing him cautiously, unsure if that were okay. He smiled lightly and
leaned down to kiss me again. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the feel of it. I never
understood the appeal of kissing before, what was so enjoyable about connecting mouths,
but I got it now. His lips were soft and wet, the taste of him sweet but slightly minty from
his toothpaste. I parted my lips and moaned softly when he started kissing me firmer, my
eyes popping open when his tongue grazed my bottom lip. I froze when it snaked into my
mouth slightly, touching my tip of my tongue. He felt me tense up and pulled away,
opening his eyes.
“Too much?” he asked hesitantly. I shook my head no and smiled lightly.
“Just… surprised,” I said softly, feeling myself blush. He chuckled and leaned down, kissing
my lips once more. He pulled back and sat up, grabbing my hand to pull me up so I was
sitting. He glanced at me and laughed, reaching out to wipe some bubbles off that were
clinging to my hair.
“How about we clean this mess up so we can talk,” he said, glancing around the disaster of
a kitchen. I nodded and he stood up, reaching out and grabbing my hand again to pull me
to my feet. He ran a hand through his hair, groaning.
“And a nap. I’m definitely going to need a fucking nap after this too.”
*****
Molto bella = Very beautiful

Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica = In life: Nothing ventured – Nothing gained
Ciò è scopare pazzesco = This is fucking crazy
Madonn', dovete scopante scherzandolo. Non potete essere quei ciechi. Sparimi già nella
testa maledetta dio e superilo con. Mettalo dalla mia miseria scopante. Come potete non
vedere quello ti amo?! = Holy Shit, you have got to be fucking kidding me! You cannot be
that blind! Shoot me in the god damned head already and get it over with! Put me out of
my fucking misery! How can you not see that I love you?!
figlio di puttana = literally 'son of a whore', but their equivalent of 'son of a bitch'
(Madonna = Italian slang for Holy Shit, but the Mafia shortens it to Madonn’)
Chapter 27 Vibration of Beauty
"In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibration of
beauty." -- Christopher Darlington Morley
I walked back into the kitchen and leaned up against the doorframe, crossing my arms over
my chest. Isabella was pulling the last of the dishes out of the dishwasher and putting them
away. I smirked to myself, shaking my head at the ridiculous of the situation. Evidently the
dishwasher takes a special cleaner and just because you’re washing dishes doesn’t mean
you can use ‘dish soap’. Who’d know that shit? I’d never operated the damn thing before
and really just wanted to help, but I just managed to make a fucking mess out of
everything. That’s exactly why I never helped--I had a habit of just complicating shit.
Isabella hadn’t been upset about it though, thankfully. It irritated the shit out of me, as I
really wanted to get the hell back upstairs so we could talk before my brothers woke up.
And honestly, I wasn’t too happy about making a mistake in front of her—that shit was
embarrassing. I’d never actually tried to impress a girl before, most bitches were just
naturally impressed because of who I was, but I wanted to impress her. I felt like a damn
dog, wanting to jump through hoops and roll over and fucking beg for treats. But she’d
found it hysterical so of course it was all worth it. If that were what it took to hear her
laugh, I’d fuck shit up more often.
I felt like a dick, leaving her to mop up the floor, but I knew she’d be more efficient at the
shit and do it faster than I could. I mean, I would’ve done it but then she would’ve had to go
behind me and redo it, so it just made sense to let her handle it in the first place. I did
attempt to vacuum the living room at least, but attempt is the key word as the shit is harder
than it looks. I knew she’d go back and do it again before dad got home and I didn’t blame
her—I fucking suck at cleaning.
Isabella turned from the counter and yelped, startled when she spotted me. Evidently she
hadn’t heard me approach and wasn’t expecting my presence. She grabbed her chest from
the shock but gave me a small smile. “I’m done,” she said, glancing around. I nodded,
surveying the kitchen. The floor was so clean it was practically fucking sparkling; you could
almost see your reflection in it.
“Good, because I’m fucking exhausted,” I said. I’d barely gotten any sleep last night
because I’d been so worried about her. She refused to respond or open the door for me all
night and it was driving me insane, not knowing what she was thinking or how she was
dealing. I hadn’t meant to scare her; I thought I was helping her. I realized now exactly how
it had looked and I felt bad for that shit. I never wanted her to think that I viewed her as a
piece of property and that’s exactly how I’d come off. And it surely didn’t help that I’d acted
like such a fucking savage that it reminded her of a combination of her old master and my
father. She’d told me that story about how she watched that teenage girl be stomped to
death and told me how much if effected her, and like an ass I went and almost did a repeat
of it right in front of her to someone that had evidently fucking helped her. And damn if I
didn’t feel like a prick for doing that to Newton now. I never thought I’d see the fucking day
when I regretted beating the shit out of the dickhead, but he’d kept Isabella from being
harassed by Tanya so he didn’t deserve my wrath that time. I still didn’t trust him or what
him anywhere near her, but I sure as shit shouldn’t have beat him down like I did.
I turned and headed out of the kitchen, glancing behind me when I hit the stairs to make
sure she was following me. She gave me a small smile and I held my hand out to her. I
knew when my dad got back we couldn’t be doing shit like holding hands when he was
around so I was taking all I could now. She placed her hand in mine gingerly and I smirked,
linking our fingers together. She had fucking small hands and they were surprisingly soft.
Most of the bitches at Forks High had soft hands so it wasn’t like it was foreign to me or
anything, but the most work those bitches did with their hands was working their clits and
finger fucking themselves. It didn’t surprise me that their hands weren’t calloused or
cracked and rough. But it did surprise me with Isabella, considering she fucked around
with harsh chemicals cleaning all damn day.
We walked up the stairs quietly. I heard my brothers’ voices when we neared the second
floor and I silently fucking prayed they stayed in their rooms until we were gone. I wasn’t in
the mood to get sidetracked and have to deal with them. Jasper wasn’t so bad, as he was
aware of my feelings for Isabella but Emmett was a different story. I trusted my brother
with my life, but he wasn’t exactly what I’d call discreet. He’d never tell people on purpose
to intentionally start some shit, but he was a fucking Chiacchierone and I didn’t want him
to inadvertently say something to the wrong person. Navigating him would be tricky for the
time being. I knew I’d tell him eventually, as it was impossible to hide shit from him
forever, but today wasn’t the day for it.
I breathed a sigh of relief when we hit the second set of stairs without being accosted. I
glanced back at Isabella and saw her sigh, her expression also one of relief. I realized she
likely was thinking the same exact thing as me and that was a bit comforting. It was
reassuring to think she wanted to be just as cautious as me. I’m not sure if she completely
understood the obstacles standing in our way, if she was aware of the fine line we’d have to
walk and was a bit apprehensive about bringing it up to her. I didn’t want her to think I was
ashamed of her, or think that I was using her or something because that was far from the
truth. If I could I’d take her out and show her off to the world, be fucking proud to stand up
and say that she was my girl. But I can’t, because I couldn’t be sure that it wouldn’t cause
her downfall and I couldn’t fucking risk her like that. She was way too fucking important,
way too beautiful of a person.
I led her down the hallway to our rooms and pushed my door open, but Isabella resisted
when I tried to pull her inside. I stopped and glanced at her curiously, wondering why she
wasn’t coming.
“Don’t you wanna talk?” I asked, confused. She glanced down at herself briefly before
looking at me once again.
“I, uh… need to shower,” she said hesitantly. I glanced down at her, giving her a brief once-
over. She definitely was dirty and sweaty, and likely feeling grimy from practically bathing
in the fucking soapy dishwasher water. She still had glitter all over her from last night, her
hair stiff and curly and thrown back in a ponytail with pieces sticking up and out of it
everywhere. I really didn’t give a shit about any of that though, it wasn’t like she stank or
anything. She still smelled like fucking strawberries and completely feminine. But who the
fuck was I to go telling the girl she couldn’t shower if she wanted to?
“All right,” I mumbled, loosening my grip on her hand. She didn’t let go herself, still kept
her fingers wrapped around mine. I glanced down at our hands and then cocked an
eyebrow at her. “Do you intend to drag me into the shower with you? Because I don’t think
you can take one still holding onto me otherwise.”
Her eyes widened slightly and she let go of my hand quickly, turning red. “Sorry,” she
mumbled, obviously embarrassed. I chuckled, shaking my head.
“Don’t be sorry,” I said, reaching up and tucking a wayward piece of hair back behind her
ear. “Go ahead and take your shower, do whatever you need to do. Whenever you’re done
just come on over to my room and we’ll talk. And don’t bother fucking knocking on the
door, because I’ll be under my covers and too lazy to open it, so just come in and join me,
okay?”
She stared at me for a moment before nodding. She turned and headed into her room,
giving me one last quick glance and smile before shutting the door behind her. I sighed and
headed into my room, closing the door. I could’ve just fucking left it open for her but I
hated that. I felt too exposed with my door hanging wide open, like anyone could just walk
the fuck in. It’s not like a door would stop them, especially since I didn’t lock it, but it gave
me a false sense of security or privacy or whatever.
I considered taking a shower myself, as I was splashing around in the dishwater also, but I
frankly didn’t have the energy for it. I stripped and tossed my nasty clothes across the room
onto the pile of dirty clothes that was growing quite large—so large it was starting to look
like a fucking mountain. I was going to be out of clean clothes soon and desperately needed
laundry done but I felt like a prick asking her to do it. I didn’t want her to have to clean up
after me, although I knew she wouldn’t tell me no. I just couldn’t bring myself to ask. I
mean, did girlfriends do that kind of shit for their boyfriends? I wasn’t sure considering I’d
never actually had a girlfriend before. And Christ, was that even what she was? My
girlfriend?
I was confused as hell about the entire thing. All I knew was that she stole my fucking heart
and there was no way to just simply go back. The feelings I felt with her weren’t feelings I
ever felt with anyone else. They were feelings I never thought I’d feel and now that I
experienced them, I craved them. I needed them. I couldn’t imagine life without it now. In
such a short amount of time she’d taken me over, completely consumed me. She’s a fucking
part of me now. She’s like the air I breathe. No, she wasn’t my girlfriend. She was my life.
I pulled on a pair of boxers and some basketball shorts, because all of my pajamas bottoms
were dirty now and I didn’t want to be indecent and be lying around in my boxers when she
came in. I grabbed my stereo remote and turned it on, scanning through CDs and stopping
when I hit Coldplay. I plopped down in bed on my stomach, snuggling my head into one of
my pillows and pulling the comforter up over me. I was beyond exhausted, my eyelids
heavy and going closed nearly instantly.
I drifted into a light sleep. I heard the click of my door and felt the bed shift after awhile
and forced my eyes open. Isabella was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at me. I
smiled the moment I saw her. She had her hair down, cascading down her back, and she
was wearing a pair of brown pajamas that were nearly the exact same shade of brown as
her eyes. I grabbed the comforter and pulled it back, nodding my head to motion for her to
climb into the bed. I was too fucking tired to get up and have this talk, she’d just have to
join me. She hesitated for a moment but obliged, moving closer to me and lying down. She
grabbed a pillow and snuggled into it and I threw the comforter back up over her.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered. I smiled, shaking my head.
“It’s fine. I was just dozing off, waiting on you,” I muttered. “You look better, by the way. I
mean, I’m not saying you looked bad to begin with or anything, just that you look good
after your shower. Christ, that didn’t sound right either. Just fucking ignore me.”
She laughed lightly, obviously amused by my foolish rambling. I swear I got so fucking
tongue-tied with her it was ridiculous. “I understand. I feel better.” I nodded, sighing—
could I be any more of an idiot? “You look exhausted though,” she added after a second.
She was looking at me intensely. She reached out after a moment and hesitated with her
hand in mid-air. I smiled at her, trying to be reassuring that she could touch me and I
wouldn’t freak out at her or anything. I realized that as hard as all this new shit was to me,
it was even harder for her. She returned my smile and continued moving her hand toward
me cautiously. She ran her hand along my cheekbones and under my eyes. I closed my
eyes, enjoying her light touch. She explored my face with her fingers, running them down
my nose and across my forehead. She threaded her fingers through my hair and I moaned
as it tickled and felt fucking fantastic. I loved having my hair stroked.
I opened my eyes after a moment, stunned by her expression. She looked fucking
awestruck and stilled her hand on my cheek. I watched with confusion as her eyes glassed
over with tears and she blinked a few times. A tear escaped from the corner of her eye and
slid down to her nose. I reached out quickly, wanting to wipe it away, and she flinched back
slightly, closing her eyes. I sighed and frowned, slowing my movements. I wiped the tear
from her face and she opened her eyes again, glancing at me.
“I’m not going to hit you, you know. I’ll never hit you,” I said softly. I hated that she
flinched away from me so much but I recognized that it wasn’t anything personal. I lashed
out instinctively when people startled me, and she recoiled away. “But are you okay? Why
are you crying?”
She smiled lightly, another tear escaping and running down her cheek. “I’m okay. Just a
little overwhelmed, that’s all.”
I nodded, understanding. I sighed and took a deep breath, unsure of how to fucking start
this conversation, what exactly to say. I didn’t want to come off too strong and frighten her,
but I also didn’t want her to get the wrong impression and think I was nonchalant about
the whole thing. I didn’t want her to think that this wasn’t a big deal to me because it was.
“Bella?” I asked after a moment of silence. I still wasn’t sure how the fuck to go about this
and figured just jumping in and not over thinking it was the way to go.
“Yeah?” she asked, some slight hesitance in her voice, obviously just as anxious about the
conversation we were about to have.
“What gave you the courage to kiss me last night?” I asked. Her eyes widened slightly with
surprise at my question. “I mean, I’m definitely not complaining as I was too much of a
pussy to make the first move myself, but I’m curious about what made you take that risk.”
She sighed. “Jasper,” she mumbled. My eyes narrowed slightly. What the fuck did Jasper
have to do with it?
“He didn’t tell you to kiss me, did he? Because I swear if you only did that shit because that
mother fucker….” I started, feeling anger surging through me. She sighed loudly.
“No, he didn’t tell me to kiss you. He had no idea I’d do it, no idea that I’d even want to. He
just gave me a little advice about taking risks and said some quote in Italian about nothing
ventured meaning nothing gained, and when we were in the kitchen I just remember it and
acted without really thinking it through,” she rambled on, shrugging.
I stared at her with shock. “Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica?” I asked. She gazed at
me for a moment, looking a bit confused.
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” she said. I shook my head, sighing. Of all fucking things to
pull out for a goddamn pep talk, he uses that one. I’d heard that shit more times than I
could count.
“My mother used to say that shit all the time,” I muttered. Isabella smiled lightly, nodding.
“I know, he told me,” she said. My eyes narrowed slightly. Jasper talked to her about mom?
”Did he say anything else about my mother?” I asked curiously, hoping like fucking hell he
didn’t tell her the story. I knew I’d tell her someday, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for her to
hear it yet. That shit was personal and I hated people looking at me all goddamn
sympathetically. Poor little ol’ fucking Edward Cullen had to watch his mommy die. None
of them could ever fucking understand.
“Not really, just that she was a warm person, very strong, and that he thinks she would’ve
liked me,” she said, some apprehension to her voice. It confused me for a moment before I
realized she was afraid of my reaction. Obviously I was fucking scaring her with the way I
was acting. I tried to push back the anger and hurt that usually accompanied someone
bringing up my mom and calm myself. It wasn’t Isabella’s fault and I didn’t need to go
lashing out at her about it.
“Yeah she was,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. “And he’s right, she would’ve loved
you.” I immediately imagined my mother meeting Isabella and smiled involuntarily. She
would’ve definitely fucking liked her. They had the same strength and courage and
compassion. I tried to push those thoughts and feelings back quickly also, as dwelling on it
was just going to put me in a bad mood. Mom was gone, had been gone for a long time.
There was no coming back from the fucking dead so wondering about “what if’s” was a
waste of time.
Isabella was quiet, eyeing me warily. I sighed, realizing I was already fucking our moment
up by getting temperamental. I needed to learn to control my anger with her if I ever
wanted her to truly let her guard down and let me in completely. I couldn’t expect her to
open up to me if I shut down the first mention of anything sensitive.
She still had her hand on my cheek and started moving it again. I brought my hand up and
placed it overtop of hers, sighing and closing my eyes briefly at the feel of her touch.
“Do you…” she started, pausing. I opened my eyes and looked at her questioningly when
she didn’t finish.
“Do I what?” I asked softly.
“Do you really feel that?” she asked, stroking her thumb across my cheek and sending those
tingly sparks through me.
“Yeah I really feel it. I’ve felt it since the first time I touched you in the kitchen. Freaked the
hell out of me, too. It was like you fucking shocked me, like you had electricity under your
skin.”
She smiled. “I felt it then too. What do you think it is?”
I sighed, shrugging slightly. “Colpo di fulmine? Maybe you’re my cantante,” I said. She just
stared at me with confusion and I smiled lightly. She had no fucking clue what I was talking
about. It was so much easier to express myself in Italian. “I guess you’re going to want me
to translate, correct?”
She smiled. “Please,” she said, her voice all sweet and warm. It was so hard for me to say
this shit out loud, so hard to tell her and put myself out there, but I couldn’t say no to her,
not when she fucking said please.
“Cantante means singer. Ya know, kinda like you call out to me, sing to me. Reminds me of
the humming I feel when I touch your skin. And colpo di fulmine literally means
thunderbolt, but it’s like when you meet someone and you’re drawn to them, attracted to
them instantly so intense that it’s like being struck by lightening.”
She stared at me for a moment, obviously absorbing what I’d said. I wanted to tell her it
meant I loved her, that she was meant to be mine and only fucking mine and that we were
soulmates, but I didn’t want to scare her. Plus there was no way I’d be able to get those
fucking words to come from my lips. That shit was intense.
“Okay,” she said after a moment. I chuckled, shaking my head at her answer.
“Is that an ‘okay, you’re an idiot Edward but whatever the fuck you say’, or is it an ‘okay,
that makes sense to me too ‘?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. She knew by now that I
hated that shit, when she just fucking said ‘okay’ and didn’t elaborate.
“It’s an, ‘okay it makes sense’,” she said, smiling. “It’s sort of a weird feeling. It’s nice
though.”
She started stroking my face again, staring into my eyes. I leaned forward after a moment
and she followed my lead, leaning in my direction. I pressed my lips to hers lightly, giving
her a small chaste kiss. I wanted to try to kiss her deeper, wanted to really taste her mouth,
but I didn’t know how comfortable she’d be with it. I mean, I gave her a bit of tongue in the
kitchen and she said it wasn’t too much and I wanted to try again, but I wasn’t sure. Her
kisses were sweet though, her lips soft and breath warm. I was growing fucking obsessed
with kissing her mouth and wondered if she felt the same way.
I pulled back from her mouth and smiled. I brought my finger up and ran it across her lips
and she smiled. “Your kisses are incredible,” I said. She blushed and I chuckled. “Why’d
you disappear last night at the party? I understand why you freaked the fuck out when
Jasper walked in but I thought you’d at least come find me afterwards. I started to get
worried and went to find you, and well… you know the rest…”
She froze, her smile falling. She diverted her eyes away from me, the color practically
draining from her face. I stared at her with shock, confused about her reaction. “Bella?
What’s wrong?” I reached over and cupped her chin, turning her face so she’d look at me
again.
“I, uh… I did look for you. But you were busy,” she mumbled. My brow furrowed with
confusion.
“I was busy?” I asked, unsure of what she was talking about. I’d just stood around waiting
on her to reappear after she fled.
She sighed. “You were with a girl. A pretty girl with blonde hair. I didn’t want to interrupt.”
I stared at her with shock when I realized she’d seen me talking to Lauren. I felt a queasy
feeling in my stomach, hoping like hell she didn’t see Lauren grope me.
“You know I don’t want that girl, right?” I said quickly, wanting her to understand she was
the only one I cared for like this. She looked at me questioningly and I groaned. “Christ, I
meant it when I said I cared about you. None of those girls ever meant anything to me, not
like you mean. I’m done with all of them, I don’t want anyone but you.”
She got a panicked look on her face that confused the hell out of me. I stared at her, my
brow furrowing, trying to figure out what the fuck I’d said that worried her. “I, uh… I don’t
think…” she started, diverting her eyes from me again. Her voice was alarmed.
I sighed, not understanding what the fuck she was talking about, what had her freaking
out. “Talk to me, Bella. Just tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I just don’t think I can, uh, do… what those girls do… for you. Your dad said I wouldn’t
have to, so I didn’t think… I mean, I just didn’t expect…” she stammered out after a
moment, still unable to look at me. I stared at her, trying to figure out what she meant
when it fucking clicked. She was worried about me expecting her to start having sex with
me.
I groaned and reached over, pulling her face to me so she’d look at me. Once our eyes met I
stared into them for a moment. She looked panicked definitely, apprehensive.
“I don’t expect anything from you, tesoro. I need you to understand that. You’re fucking
beautiful and I can’t lie, I’m attracted to you. But I’ll never touch you in any way you don’t
want me to and I surely don’t want you to fucking feel obligated to let me just because I
may want to. We’re only going to do what you want to do, okay? You can have whatever
part of me you want, we can be whatever you want us to be.”
She looked at me with confusion but didn’t respond. I cocked an eyebrow at her, waiting for
her question, as I knew it was coming. I could tell by her expression. “What do you mean?
How would you want to touch me?” she asked hesitantly eventually.
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. Of course she wouldn’t fucking understand and
would want clarification on touching. “I mean, touch you in a sexual way, your pus--- uh,
female parts,” I mumbled, feeling completely fucking awkward. I had no goddamn idea
how to word this and not sound like a hormone-fuelled douche bag. Her eyes widened and
she stared at me with shock. I groaned, closing my eyes. “I understand that’s not something
you’re comfortable with right now, I’m not trying to suggest anything. I’m just saying
someday you might want to, but don’t feel like you have to. I’ve told you before that the shit
can be great when it’s between two people who both want it. I get that you don’t really get it
because of the history there, but I like to think over time you’d grow to be comfortable with
me in that way and maybe one day want to explore.”
She just stared at me, all wide eyed and looking as utterly uncomfortable as I felt. “Uh… I
don’t, uh, know…” she mumbled. I sighed.
“What scares you so much about it? I mean, I get it’s completely foreign to you and that
you’ve had to see your mom have it used against her, which is really fucking wrong, I
understand that completely. But why does the entire subject frighten you?”
She blinked a few times, diverting her eyes from me. She looked so embarrassed I nearly
told her to forget it, but I really wanted to know. I wasn’t trying to get in her pants--I
couldn’t fucking care less about sex right now, in the grand scheme of things. But I wanted
to know where her boundaries were, what exactly made her so uncomfortable when it came
to intimacy so I didn’t accidentally fucking push her too far and freak her out. I didn’t want
her to get hurt, and I sure as fuck didn’t want to be the one to hurt her. “I guess I just don’t
really understand it,” she said softly, her face flushing that beautiful shade of pinkish-red.
I smiled lightly at her innocence, not wanting her to feel ashamed or anything. “You’ve
never been curious?” I asked. She glanced over at me questioningly. “I mean, you’ve never
explored your body, prodded around down there? There’s no shame in it, pretty much
everyone does the shit.” I felt like a fucking dickhead, asking her about masturbation, but I
was really curious. It was no wonder she didn’t understand the appeal of sex if she’d never
even touched herself before.
She stared at me nervously, squirming. “No,” she mumbled, barely coherently. She looked
really fucking uncomfortable, shifting around like she was about ready to get up and flee
the room.
“How about we change the subject for now?” I suggested quickly, not wanting her to leave.
She glanced at me and looked visibly relieved. She smiled and nodded, still blushing.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked softly after a moment of silence. I nodded. “Were you
upset that Jasper saw our kiss?”
I smiled. “No. I mean, I’d rather not have been interrupted but I honestly didn’t care that
he saw. Jasper’s been pretty in tune with my feelings for a while, as has Alice. Our secret’s
safe with them.”
She gazed at me intensely, like she was reading me. “Secret?” she asked, raising her
eyebrows. I sighed.
“Look, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, or think that that I’m ashamed or
anything because I’m not. We just have to keep this thing a secret between us for now. I’m
not sure how my father’s going to react and until I can guarantee that he won’t freak out
about it we can’t let him know. I couldn’t stand it if he tried to take you away from me, or if
he lashed out at you over it. I can’t let you suffer because of me. I just don’t want anything
to happen to you, you know? And it’s probably really fucking selfish of me to even put you
in this position, but I can’t help it. I’m drawn to you, like it’s fucking magnetic and I can’t
stay away. You’re all I think about, you’re all I fucking care about.”
She stared at me for a moment, obviously absorbing what I’d said. “The first thing Dr.
Cullen told me when he purchased me was that there weren’t any secrets in his house,” she
said finally.
I laughed, which was probably fucking inappropriate, as she’d been completely serious
when she said it, but the notion was funny to me. “Everyone has secret’s Isabella, even my
father,” I said, shaking my head. My father definitely had his fair share of fucking secrets.
“If you don’t think you can do it I understand. I’ll back off.”
Her eyes widened slightly. “No!” she blurted out quickly. She blushed at her reaction and I
chuckled. “I don’t want you to back off.”
I nodded and reached my hand out, stroking her flushed cheek. “Good, because I really
didn’t want to. And I can’t promise it’s all going to be easy, or that it’s going to be all
sunshine and fucking happiness. I’m not perfect, far from it, and there will likely be times
when I aggravate you and you want to beat the shit out of me because of my attitude. I’ve
never done any of this before, I really don’t fucking know what I’m doing. I’m really going
to try to be good to you but I have to be honest, I can’t make you any promises. Like I said,
I don’t know how my father’s going to react and it’s not going to be easy pretending like
none of this is happening when he’s around.”
She lay quietly for a moment, just watching me. “I don’t know what I’m doing either,” she
mumbled eventually. I smiled.
“We’ll learn together,” I said, trying to reassure her. “Just tell me what you want from me
and we’ll figure the shit out. You said you don’t want me to back off, so how far do you want
me to go? How exactly do you feel about me?”
She smiled but looked nervous. I could sense her apprehension. I scooted toward her,
leaning in slightly to look in her eyes. I didn’t want her to be nervous about talking to me.
“Don’t be shy, it’s just us. You can be yourself with me--I mean it. Don’t be afraid to tell me
anything.”
“I, uh… don’t know. It’s all so new to me. I’ve never felt any of this before,” she started, her
brow furrowing with a look of concentration on her face as she gazed in my eyes. “You give
me hope and that’s scary. I gave up hoping for anything a long time ago.”
“Would it surprise you that I could say the same thing?” I asked. Her eyes widened slightly
with surprise and she smiled. “It’s true.”
“You make me happy,” she said after a moment. “I think about you constantly, you aren’t
like anyone else. I, uh… I don’t know exactly how far we can go but I don’t like being
without you. It’s like the happiness is sucked from the world when you’re gone.”
I smiled, proud that she’d gotten that out--that shit had to have been hard to express,
especially for her. She was used to hiding inside of herself, closing herself off from everyone
to keep herself safe. She didn’t trust anyone and just the simple fact that she was telling me
this shit indicated she was at least starting to trust me. I’m not so dense that I didn’t
recognize that, at least. It was a big fucking deal.
“Do you trust me?” I asked hesitantly. She stared at me for a moment, obviously deep in
thought.
“Yes,” she said simply. I smiled and nodded, happy that she’d admit it to me.
“So you trust that I mean well? That I’m not going to intentionally hurt you?” She nodded,
eyeing me warily, obviously wondering where the fuck I was going with this. “We’ll just
take this shit slow and let it develop on it’s own. Just follow my lead around my father and
we’ll be okay, we’ll work it out. I can’t predict the future but I’m going to do everything in
my power to help you and protect you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, okay?”
She nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Thank you.”
I smiled. “No, thank you. You’re the one taking the risk by giving me a chance and trusting
me. I appreciate it, I’m not going to take it for granted.”
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?” she said hesitantly. She stared at me warily,
obviously trying to gauge my reaction.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” I murmured, nodding. She smiled lightly. I stared into
her eyes for a bit, practically fucking hypnotized by the swirling emotion in them. I leaned
forward some more and she followed my lead. I pressed my lips to hers softly before
deepening the kiss a bit. She parted her lips and I brought my tongue out, gently running it
across her lips and finding her tongue. She didn’t tense up that time, didn’t pull away from
me. I massaged her tongue with mine, closing my eyes and just reveling in the fucking
sweet and slightly minty taste of her. She was a good kisser; the shit obviously came natural
to her. Her lips moved in harmony with my lips, her tongue dancing delicately with mine. It
wasn’t vulgar or sloppy--it was sweet and passionate, and made my fucking chest swell with
satisfaction. Kissing her was better than fucking any of the bitches at Forks High, because
there was feeling behind this shit. It wasn’t just physical, although the physical aspect felt
great. It was emotional--we weren’t just connecting at the lips, our fucking souls were
connecting when I kissed her.
I pulled back after a moment, not wanting to overwhelm her, and opened my eyes. She kept
her eyes closed for a moment longer, a look of pure fucking relaxation on her face. It was
like I somehow made her worry go away, made everything fucking right in the world again
just by kissing her lips. The clouds parted and the fucking light came shining down, and
everything was all rainbows and butterflies. She opened her eyes finally and smiled.
”Wow,” she murmured breathlessly.
I chuckled at her reaction. “Slinguata,” I said softly. “French kiss. It’s going to be hard not
doing that constantly. Now that I know what it’s like, I’m not going to be able to keep my
lips off of you.”
She blushed, reaching her hand out and running her fingers across my lips softly. It tickled
a bit, my mouth still tingling from the kiss. “You have such soft lips,” she said. “They’re
surprisingly sweet for saying such naughty things.”
I burst into laughter, shaking my head at the random compliment. She smiled and giggled.
“You never cease to amaze me,” I said, reaching over and brushing my pointer finger across
her lips. I leaned in and gave her a quick chaste kiss. “How about we take that nap now
before you get delirious and tell me I smell like sunshine or something.”
She just stared at me for a moment, looking stunned. “But you do,” she said. My brow
furrowed in confusion. “You do smell like sunshine.”
I started laughing again. “How exactly does sunshine smell, Bella?”
She shrugged, smiling. “Warm. Sweet. It’s inviting, smells like pure goodness. It’s a
beautiful smell. It reminds me of happiness.”
I just stared at her with shock, taken aback by her answer. She was completely fucking
serious. “Thanks,” I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. That was probably the nicest
and deepest thing anyone had ever fucking said to me. I’d been complimented my entire
life over shit, most of it fickle, but she just topped it all. And she did it by telling me I
smelled like sunshine of all fucking things. She was definitely complex.
She nodded in response and gazed at me for a moment before allowing her eyes to drift
closed. After her breathing regulated and I knew she was asleep, I closed my own eyes and
drifted out of consciousness quickly. I was in and out of dreams, weird flashes, some good
but most bad. I saw my mom eventually, saw her being killed again. I relived that day in my
dreams occasionally, it taunting me and torturing me in my sleep. The pain of reliving it
was worse than the physical pain I felt that day, the ripping flesh and searing burn as the
bullet tore through me was nothing compared to the emotion torture I endured. I sat up
abruptly and yelled when the sound of the gunshot ricocheted through my mind, grabbing
my chest to calm myself the fuck down. I was hyperventilating and tried to take some deep
breaths, my eyes stinging with tears. I hated fucking crying and fought that shit back. It
made me feel weak, like a goddamn pussy.
I heard a noise beside me and my head snapped in that direction quickly. Isabella was
staring at me, looking completely horrified. I groaned, realizing I fucking woke her up with
my nightmare and probably scared the shit out of her. I plopped back down beside her,
shaking my head. I ran my hands down my face--I was sweating and burning up. “I told
you I knew what it was like to have nightmares,” I mumbled after a moment. I could still
feel her fucking eyes on me, watching me.
“Do you… want to talk about it?” she asked hesitantly. I sighed.
“Do you want to talk about yours?” I asked, turning my head to look at her. She just stared
at me, contemplating. She finally shook her head no. “Yeah, me either.”
I reached over and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me. She looked slightly
startled but didn’t resist. She snuggled up to me and I held her with her head lying on my
chest. I leaned my head down to lay it in top of hers, sighing. We both drifted back off to
sleep eventually.
When I awoke again, the room was dark. I glanced over at the clock, blinking a few times to
clear the fogginess in my vision from sleep. It was a little after 9pm.
I shifted a bit, moving Isabella off of me so I could get up and relieve myself. My bladder
was full and I desperately needed to piss. I climbed out of bed, glancing at Isabella quickly
to make sure I hadn’t woken her up. We’d been asleep half the fucking day and neither of
us would probably sleep well at all tonight, but she looked too goddamn content and restful
lying there for me to disturb her.
I went into the bathroom and did what I had to do, washing my hands and splashing water
on my face to get rid of some of the grogginess. I walked back out into the bedroom and
froze when I saw Isabella was sitting up. “Have a nice nap?” I asked. I could see her smile
lightly in the dark.
“Yes,” she said. “Did you?”
I shrugged. “It was okay,” I said, not wanting to get into the whole nightmare thing again.
“Are you hungry? We can go downstairs and grab something to eat.” She nodded and
climbed out of bed, stretching. Her shirt rode up when she raised her arms in the air,
exposing her pale slim waist, the flat stomach and sexy belly button. I turned my head away
quickly, feeling my dick harden. She had no fucking clue about the reactions she caused
inside of me, no idea how attractive she was.
I opened the bedroom door and she walked out, heading for the steps. I followed her,
yawning still. I wasn’t tired but I felt worn the fuck out. We hit the foyer and I heard the TV
on in the living room and Emmett’s voice filtering out. I glanced at Isabella, who was
watching me closely. “No better time than right now to test our willpower,” I said,
shrugging. She nodded, looking slightly confused about something.
“I’ll make you a sandwich,” she said, heading for the kitchen quickly. I watched as she
disappeared, a little fucking baffled. I shook my head and headed for the living room,
freezing as soon as I hit it.
“Where was the goddamn couch cushion?!” I yelled loudly, the moment I spotted it back in
its place. I’d spent half the fucking morning looking for the damn thing, pissed off and
stressing over where a goddamn couch cushion could’ve wandered off to. I knew dad was
going to kill us all if he came home and his couch of all things was fucking missing a piece.
He paid a lot of money for it, bought it straight from Italy. I was surprised he didn’t have
plastic still on it. My raised voice and sudden appearance startled Emmett and Jasper, who
both yelled and jumped. Jasper knocked over a bowl of popcorn in his lap, spilling some of
it on the floor. I plopped down on the couch beside Jasper, ignoring the startled looks both
of my brothers were giving me. “And clean that fucking popcorn up, asshole. I goddamn
vacuumed this morning.”
I heard laughter ring out from the kitchen and smirked, knowing Isabella heard. She’d
laughed at me trying to operate the vacuum this morning.
“You cleaned?!” Emmett asked incredulously. I rolled my eyes.
“Somebody fucking had to, you jamook’s wouldn’t get your asses out of bed and do the
shit,” I said. “And seriously, where was the couch cushion? Because I was this fucking close
to just setting the whole goddamn thing on fire and letting the insurance pay for it to get a
new one.”
Jasper laughed, picking up the popcorn off the floor. “Emmett found it in his bathtub,” he
said. My brow furrowed.
“Why was it in the bathtub?” I asked. They both shrugged, obviously having no clue either.
I groaned and shook my head. Isabella walked in after a moment, holding out a plate to me.
I gave her a small smile and took it, sitting it down on my lap and kicking my feet up on the
coffee table. She sat her plate down on the table and glanced at my brothers.
“Do either of you need anything?” she asked. They both mumbled no’s and she nodded,
turning and heading back for the kitchen. I sighed and took a bite of my sandwich, turning
my attention to the TV. I caught sight of Jasper from the corner of my eye and realized he
was staring at me. I looked at him and cocked an eyebrow questioningly, wondering what
the fuck he was staring at me for.
Isabella walked back in the room before I could say anything, and he turned back away. She
handed me a glass of cherry coke and I smiled. She squeezed by me and sat down between
Jasper and I, grabbing her plate and leaning back, taking a bite of her sandwich.
We were quiet for a bit and I kept sensing Jasper glancing over at us. It was seriously
driving me crazy. I was trying to be nonchalant about the shit and he was making me feel
like it was goddamn obvious that I was in love with the girl. If I got this damn paranoid
around Jasper, how the fuck was I going to pull it off around my father? I glanced over at
Isabella and she was sitting all calm, no indication that it was a big fucking deal to her. I
realized Alice was right--she was the queen of fucking hiding things.
Emmett’s phone rang after a bit and he grabbed it, glancing at the screen. He stood up
walked out of the room, answering it on his way out. The first thing from his lips was ‘what
are you wearing, baby’. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. Fucking hormones.
I kept sensing Jasper’s gaze and it was grating on my nerves. I tried to ignore it but it got to
be too much. “Mannaggia! Che cazzo vuoi?!” I snapped, turning to glare at him. He raised
his eyebrows at me, surprised at my outburst.
“Paranoico?” His face was practically dancing with humor as he asked me if I was paranoid.
He smirked and I rolled my eyes.
“Va' fa Napoli,” I muttered, telling him to go to hell. He chuckled, obviously fucking

amused, and my eyes narrowed.
“Gli avete detto che la amavate?” he asked. I shook my head. He wanted to know if I told
her I loved her… like it was any of his goddamn business.
“Vaffanculo,” I spat, telling him to fuck off. I turned back to the TV, trying to ignore him.
He started laughing and stood up.
“Farsi una canna,” he said, telling me to smoke a joint like that shit would actually help the
paranoia. He glanced at Isabella and smiled before walking out. I groaned, shaking my
head.
“Are you going to translate?” Isabella asked softly beside me. I glanced at her and smiled
lightly
“You don’t even wanna fucking know,” I muttered. She nodded and turned back to the TV.
We sat there for a bit, just watching some damn movie about a hospital. I couldn’t focus on
the TV, my attention kept wandering to Isabella. She was watching the show intensely,
chewing on her bottom lip. I was still tense and fucking bored, so after a bit I sighed and
stood up. Isabella looked up at me and I smiled. “You wanna go upstairs?” I asked. I didn’t
want to assume she’d want to go with me but I didn’t want to fucking go without her.
She shrugged and stood up. I smirked and grabbed the remote, turning the TV off. I
grabbed her hand, intertwining our fingers together and led her toward the stairs. We
made it up to the second floor and I paused, walking over and pounding on Jasper’s
bedroom door. That fucker kept his door locked now, knowing I didn’t give a shit and
would come barging in when I wanted to. Emmett had yet to learn that lesson. Jasper
opened the door and cocked an eyebrow at me.
“I’m out and I really don’t want to go downstairs and get any,” I said. I’d just taken a
shitload of alcohol from the basement yesterday for the party, there was no way I could go
down there and grab some weed tonight without Dad knowing and getting on my shit. He
had a habit of monitoring how much we took, inventory purposes or whatever. Who
fucking knows? Jasper smiled and walked back into his room, opening a drawer in his
dresser and pulling out a bag of weed. He tossed it at me and I caught it mid-air. “Grazie,” I
said, nodding in thanks.
“Yeah, don’t mention it,” he said. Isabella and I headed up to the 3rd floor, and she paused
in the hallway, glancing at the doorway to her room. I looked at her with confusion and she
smiled lightly.
“I didn’t know, I mean… which room I should…” she stammered, blushing. I chuckled,
realizing she didn’t know if she was supposed to go in her room or if she was still allowed in
mine.
“Ah, come on tesoro, it won’t be a party without you,” I said playfully, nodding my head
toward my room. I opened the door and she smiled, walking inside. I walked in and closed
the door behind me. I walked over and plopped down at my desk, pulling out the rolling
papers and rolling a blunt. She sat down carefully on the bed, watching me.
“Can I ask you something, Edward?” she asked softly after a moment.
“Of course you can,” I said, bringing the blunt up to my mouth and licking it to seal the
paper shut. I lit it and stood up, walking over and sitting down on the bed beside her. I
glanced at her, waiting for her question.
“Why’d you shoot at Jacob Black last year?” she asked. My brow furrowed and I stared at
her for a moment, caught off guard by her question. Of all the fucking things she could ask
me, she wants to talk about that prick?
“Why do you want to know that?” I asked hesitantly. She shrugged.
“Just curious. I mean, I was just wondering what someone could do to upset you so much.”
I sighed, taking a long hit of the blunt and laying back on the bed, my head sinking in the
pillow. I closed my eyes and held the smoke in my lungs, just feeling the burn. I felt the bed
shift beside me as Isabella lay down. I exhaled and sighed, not wanting to fucking tell her
this story but I’d told her she could ask me whatever she wanted. “Jacob and I used to be
good friends back in the day. He was friends with all of us, actually. Anyway, I used to have
a bit of an ego… well, okay, I’m still pretty fucking arrogant, I realize that. But I was even
worse last year. I thought I was fucking invincible, untouchable, that no one could fuck
with me or would even dare try. I got a bit out of control with the females and made the
mistake of having sex with Jacob’s older married sister when she was visiting over
Christmas. I know, it was fucking wrong, and I even apologized to him for it. I didn’t do the
shit to hurt Jacob, it had nothing to do with him. And I don’t fucking apologize to people,
but I made an exception with him because I felt like a dickhead doing that to someone in
his family. Evidently that wasn’t enough for him though. I’d confided some shit in him,
things I just don’t fucking tell, and he betrayed my trust and started blabbering my
personal business around to people. I figured out what he’d done and I called him to
confront him, and he started running off at the mouth and said something about my mom.
He knew better then to bring her up. I mean, you’ve seen how my mood shifts when she’s
just mentioned in passing, imagine how bad I flip when someone say something bad about
her. I snapped, completely lost control, and that’s when I went to his house and blew his
shit up.”
I took another hit and rolled over onto my side to face her. She was watching me and I
almost looked away quickly, not wanting to see the fucking pity because of my mom or the
disgust because of what I’d done. I was surprised when I saw neither in her eyes. There was
nothing but understanding and acceptance. “Thank you for telling me,” she said softly. I
nodded and exhaled, blowing the smoke from my lungs at her. She pulled her head back
and laughed.
We laid around for a bit, chatting and listening to music. I got high and she just watched
me, smiling and laughing. It was nice, just being with her. It wasn’t until I was lying there
that I truly realized exactly how much my life had been lacking. She’d changed me, tapped
into a part of me I never thought I’d see again. She was making me the person I never
thought I’d be again. She was turning me into Elizabeth and Carlisle’s son, and not Carlisle
“The Leach” Cullen’s heir--Mafia Prince.
She drifted off to sleep eventually and I turned my alarm clock on before going to sleep
myself. We both woke up abruptly to the blaring at 6:30am. I groaned and slapped at it,
willing it to shut up. I didn’t want to go to school, wanted nothing more than to stay home
and stay in bed with the beautiful girl beside me, but I knew my father would kick my ass if
he found out I skipped school while he was gone.
Isabella got up and gave me a quick smile before leaving the room. I sighed and lugged
myself out of bed, hauling my ass into the shower. I washed up and threw on some clothes.
I unlocked the drawer in my desk and pulled out my flask, filling it up and putting it in my
pocket before heading downstairs. I had a feeling it would be a long ass day and I’d need it
about halfway through. I grabbed a bowl of cereal, sitting down with my brothers in the
living room for a bit. Isabella didn’t come down, much to my dismay. I wanted to see her
before I left, kiss her again. God, I was obsessed with kissing those fucking soft lips of hers.
I drove to school with my brothers, Emmett once again flipping through my IPod and
taking over my stereo. I tried to ignore it, push back my anger, but he knew it pissed me off
when people fucked with my music. It finally got to be too much and I reached over and
punched him in the arm, telling him to fucking stop it. But of course, being Emmett, he
punched me back even harder and didn’t stop.
I was annoyed when we reached school, pretty much blew everyone off who tried to speak
to me in the parking lot. Jessica looked offended when I wouldn’t tolerate her normal
morning flirting. She always fed my ego and I used to enjoy it, but I just didn’t give a shit
anymore. I headed toward my class early, not even bothering to wait on the bell, and
hesitated on the plaza when I spotted Mike Newton sitting at a table with Eric Yorkie. His
face was all fucked up--his nose was busted, his eye blackened, and he had a few
lacerations.
I walked over to him cautiously. Him and Yorkie glanced up when I approached, both
looking at me skeptically, wondering what the fuck I wanted. “I need to speak with
Newton,” I said, cocking an eyebrow at Yorkie. He jumped up quickly and started to
scamper away without another fucking word. Yeah--I still had it.
I plopped down across from Newton at the table. He was watching me with confusion, his
shoulders tense. He looked like he was preparing for me to beat the shit out of him again. “I
probably shouldn’t have fucked you up so bad,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and
glaring at him. “Your ass knew better than to be on the third floor, we’ve made that shit
clear before. If I would’ve known at the time why you were there I wouldn’t have kicked
your ass… as bad anyway. But I didn’t know, so I did.” I smirked and he rolled his eyes.
That was as close to an ‘I’m sorry’ as that mother fucker would ever get from me and he
knew it.
“Yeah,” he mumbled.
“I’ll tell you what Newton. Next time you wanna throw a party, you let me know. I’ll make
sure you’ve got plenty of booze and plenty of bitches there. Got it?” He nodded and I
sighed. That was the most I could do for him in the way of amends. The bell rung and he
went to stand up but I reached over and grabbed a hold of his shirt, pulling him back down
into his seat roughly. He stared at me with shock, his eyes wide with fear. “But if you ever
touch Isabella again, I will rip your fucking arms off. I mean that.” I let go of his shirt and
stood up, turning to walk away. “Finocchio,” I said.
“Such an asshole,” he muttered. I smirked and shook my head. The fucker had guts, at
least.
My first few classes flew by pretty fast. Fourth period trigonometry rolled around and I
took a huge swig from my flask before strolling in. I walked over to my desk and slid into
my seat in front of Tanya. I heard her sigh loudly and I smirked to myself.
I turned around in my seat to face her, leaning close to her. She looked shocked, her eyes
widening before a small smile enveloped her lips. I gave her that charismatic grin of mine,
the one I knew for a fact made that bitch’s panties wet.
“Hey Edward,” she said, using that seductive tone of hers and batting her eyelashes, trying
to look all cute and innocent when she was far from either. I kept my face frozen in a smirk,
ignoring my instinct to grimace, and fought back the urge to punch her in the fucking face.
“Hey Tanya,” I said, glancing down and noticing she had on her favorite low-cut white shirt
with the fucking hot pink bra that stood out underneath it. I glanced back up at her face,
my smirk growing. “So, I was just thinking…” I started.
“Yeah? About what?” she asked eagerly. I chuckled, licking my lips. The bitch thought I
wanted her.
“Oh, about that little, uh… ‘bon voyage’ celebration we had last year, right before I went
away. That little gift you gave me. You remember that? I’m pretty sure you were wearing
that same bra,” I said, my voice low with that charming edge to it. I reached out and
grabbed her bra strap, snapping it lightly. I really wanted to grab the thing and wrap it
around her neck and fucking strangle her with it but I kept my calm.
She glanced down at her bra and smiled, turning her attention back to me. “Yeah, I think so
too. And of course I remember.”
I nodded. “I appreciated the little souvenirs I got from it too. Ya know, the pictures. I was
laying in bed last night thinking about them.”
“Really?” she asked, sounding fucking ecstatic and hopeful. I chuckled and nodded.
“You know what I think?” I asked softly, leaning more toward her. She leaned forward
herself, closing most of the distance between us.
“What?” she asked, licking her lips and eyeing me with desire. Her eyes met mine again
and I cocked at eyebrow at her, my smirk falling. I saw her eyes cloud with confusion, her
smile falter.
“I think you fucked up,” I said, my voice hard and cold. Her smile fell completely at my
tone and she froze. “I distinctly remember telling you that if you laid another hand on
Isabella I would fuck your world up. And last night I was lying in bed, wondering why you’d
go and do it again after I’d warned you, wondering what exactly I could do to get the point
across that I was serious. And that’s when I remembered those pictures. I think I know
quite a few people who would be interested in seeing them, too.”
She gaped at me, her mouth opening with shock. I smirked again and shook my head. “I’ll
have to think about whether or not I’m going to share them, though. You know I don’t like
to share but God, it just feels so… right. Fitting, almost. I guess you’ll just have to wait and
see what I decide.”
I turned back around, slouching in my seat while the teacher started the lesson. I took
notes and doodled, writing Isabella name like some fucking preteen bitch with a goddamn
obsessive crush. I had it bad.
When class ended I gathered up my books. Tanya walked by me quickly, keeping her eyes
down at the floor. I chuckled and headed out of the room, catching sight of Lauren in the
hallway. I jogged to catch up to her, throwing my arm over her shoulder. It startled her at
first until she realized it was me and then she smiled. I smirked smugly.
I walked her out onto the plaza, waiting until we were out of earshot of most people. “Your
parents are pretty religious, right? Didn’t they almost send you away to that catholic school
that time?” She rolled her eyes and nodded, looking at me curiously, obviously wondering
what the fuck I’m asking for. “Huh. So I take it they don’t know their little girl likes to eat
pussy. I imagine they wouldn’t be too happy to find that out.”
She stopped abruptly and I removed my arm, turning to glare at her. “What do you want?”
she asked, narrowing her eyes. She was trying to play it off like she was just pissed but I
could see the fear. I shrugged nonchalantly.
“I’m just saying we all have some things we’d rather not get back to our parents. Things
we’d rather stay between those that were there.”
She stared at me for a moment. “So if I don’t tell your dad what I saw, you won’t tell my
parents what you saw?”
“Not exactly,” I said. “See, I wouldn’t just go tell your parents. That would be a dickhead
move, just as I know you wouldn’t just go tell my dad. You aren’t that fucking stupid. But, I
know you’ve got a big mouth and if you spill it to any of these fuckers around here, it’s
bound to get back to my father eventually. Just like if I clue the fuckers around here into
your, uh, extracurricular activities, it’s bound to get back to your parents too. It’s funny,
how gossip in this ridiculous fucking town is, huh?”
Her eyes widened slightly and she tried to retain her cool. I realized I was too fucking late,
that she’d already spilled what she saw to people. Christ, I didn’t care if any of these
motherfuckers knew, but I was worried about my father’s reaction. My father was the only
one with the power to destroy it, to destroy her. And if it got out, it was bound to get his
way eventually.
“You better find a way to take that shit back, and quickly,” I snapped. I turned away from
her and started walking away toward my next class.
The rest of the day went by slow. Classes dragged ass and football practice was even worse.
Coach Clapp killed us with drills, as this coming Friday was our last regular season game.
We were undefeated and playoffs would start soon for the state championship. There was
no fucking way we could win the championship, not with some of these fucknuts playing,
but Coach Clapp was determined to bust our asses and get us as far as he could.
After practice I hit the showers, washing the fucking dirt and stink off of me, not wanting to
go home smelling like a goddamn pig. I threw on my jeans and a wifebeater, heading out to
the Volvo and climbing in. I was anxious to see Isabella. Everything felt so fucking surreal,
it was hard to believe her and I had something going on. I mean, I didn’t exactly have a
fucking name for it, I guess you could call her my girlfriend but that sounded too trivial.
She was more than that. She was just… la mia bella ragazza.
I sped home and pulled up in our driveway, slamming on the brakes abruptly and skidding
to a fucking stop when I saw the cars in front of the house. Fear coursed through me and
my hands started to shake. I saw my dad’s black Mercedes immediately and was surprised
to see it, as I hadn’t expected him home for another few days, but that wasn’t fucking what
got me. It was the two cars parked behind his, the matching black rental sedans with dark
tinted windows that sent me into a panic. I didn’t know exactly who it was, but I knew what
it meant. I knew he hadn’t come back from Chicago alone. He’d brought some Mafiosi with
him.
They didn’t scare me, as I would likely wind up right there beside them some day. But it
was never a good thing when business came to your house. Not everyone in the borgata
were as cool and collect as my father, some of them were big assholes and I didn’t like
knowing they were inside with the girl I loved. There was no telling how they’d treat her or
act toward her. My father would never let them touch her, but I knew words could hurt her
just as fucking bad as laying a hand on her could.
I climbed out of the car and headed inside. As soon as I hit the foyer I heard voices in the
living area and I recognized Aro’s immediately. Aro was the boss, the don, the godfather of
the organization. To top it off he was literally my fucking godfather. He treated me like a
goddamn royalty, has spoiled the shit out of me since I was little.
I walked past the kitchen, glancing inside of it. Isabella was inside, cooking dinner. She
glanced over at me immediately, I assume sensing my presence. I smiled at her and she
gave me a small smile in return, but she didn’t look happy at all. She turned away after a
moment, focusing back on the food. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, turning to
head for the living area.
I walked in and they all looked in my direction immediately. Aro smiled when he spotted
me, as did Royce. Royce was a Caporegime, one of the guys that ran and directed a crew of
foot soldiers. Him and my Dad always got along, but he was a hard ass with a ‘don’t cross
me or I’ll cross you out’ attitude. The other two guys I didn’t recognize but I knew they
weren’t high up in the command, likely foot soldiers. I’d say they were merely associates,
but I doubted my father would bring them into his home if they weren’t made-men, if they
hadn’t taken the Omertá vow of silence.
“Ah, principe della mafia! There’s my Godson!” Aro said happily. I smiled and walked over,
leaning down to give him a brief hug. “How are you?”
“Great to see you Aro. I’m doing good,” I said, smirking. I reached over and shook Royce’s
hand, greeting him politely. I glanced up at the two other guys. One of the guys, a tall built
black man with dreadlocks, nodded in greeting. Aro introduced him as Laurent. The other
guy, a tall lanky guy with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, was eyeing me suspiciously.
He naturally looked like he was up to no fucking good. I nodded in greeting but narrowed
my eyes at him when Aro introduced him as James. His name struck a note with me and I
remembered my dad had gotten the last lady that he purchased from a new guy in the
organization by his same name.
My dad cleared his throat and I glanced in his direction. He stood up and told the other
guys he’d be back in a few minutes, turning to glare at me. I felt the fucking color drain
from my face at his expression. He walked out of the living area and I followed him, already
fucking panicking. I didn’t know if I was still just being paranoid but something was wrong.
My father looked pissed.
He paused in the foyer, beside the kitchen door. He glanced inside, watching Isabella for a
moment. I couldn’t get a read on his expression, couldn’t tell if maybe he had it all fucking
figured out all ready. I paused beside him and he glanced at me.
“Go up to my office now. I’ll be up in a few minutes. We need to talk.”
*****
Chiacchierone = chatterbox
Slinguata = French kiss (literally a 'tongue job')
jamook = slang for 'idiot'
Mannaggia = Damn/Goodness gracious
Che cazzo vuoi? = What the fuck?
Paranoico = Paranoid
Va' fa Napoli = Go to Hell (literally 'go to naples')
Gli avete detto che la amavate? = have you told her you love her?
Vaffanculo = fuck off
Farsi una canna = roll/smoke a joint
Grazie = thank you
Finocchio = derogatory term for 'gay'
principe della mafia = prince of the mafia
Chapter 28 Hidden Morals
“Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.” – Lewis Carroll
This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. There was no way that this was really happening—and to
me, of all people. Maybe all of the years I spent repressing my hopes and dreams for the
future, bottling them up inside and holding them back had finally taken it’s toll and I’d
become delusional. Or maybe I was merely just asleep and dreaming up this highly
elaborate fantasy. Or maybe I’d died and this was some odd unexpected version of Heaven.
But if a God truly existed, I didn’t think that he could be so cruel as to make me an owned
person in the afterlife. I endured enough on earth and I liked to believe that with death I’d
at least finally be free. So, no, I definitely wasn’t dead… not yet, anyway. And it felt too real
for me to be asleep. I reached down and pinched my forearm just in case, yelping loudly at
the sharp pain. I groaned and rubbed my arm, noticing the small red spot already turning
up--that was going to bruise. Yeah, I was definitely awake.
So I had to be delusional then. I wondered if Dr. Cullen would kill me and put me out of my
misery, or if he’d try to be humane and drop me off at a psychiatric facility. I’d guess the
former, considering I know too much for him to let me loose into the hands of others while
I was mentally unstable. There was no telling what I’d say under this spell. I could only
hope that he’d make it quick and painless when he ended my life and not make me suffer
any more than I had to.
Because it was simply impossible that this was reality. There was absolutely no way I had
spent practically the entire day yesterday with Edward, and he confessed to having deep
feelings for me. He had been so open and honest with me, and we’d morphed into having
some type of secret romantic relationship. I had no idea what the name of it was, what this
made me to him, but I did know that it was intense and startling and downright
frightening. Despite the anxiety it caused me, it just felt completely right to me. I felt like I
belonged with Edward. I have spent my entire existence belonging to other people, but for
the first time ever I felt like I honestly wanted to belong to someone. Edward confused me
when he expressed that same exact sentiment yesterday, but I woke up this morning finally
understanding what he had meant by it. It wasn’t about being a possession of his--it was
about being a part of him.
I just couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around it. He had treated me so sweet, had been so
gentle and caring and understanding. He assured me that he’d do everything in his power
to keep me from harm, had told me to trust him. And as scary as it was, I did trust him to
keep me safe. He’d also assured me he’d only touch me and be with me in the ways that I
wanted. I didn’t exactly understand, as I was so inexperienced with being intimate and
frankly the concept of someone asking my opinion flustered me. I wasn’t used to it, people
never cared what I thought or felt or wanted before, but Edward did. I panicked a bit at the
idea of having sex with him when the subject came up--not because I was afraid he’d hurt
me, as I trusted he’d never intentionally cause me harm, but because I didn’t exactly know
what it meant to have sex. Edward told me that what my mother endured wasn’t really the
same kind of sex we’d have so I was completely clueless. He said it felt good, and that one
day I might be comfortable enough to want to experience it with him. I wasn’t sure what to
think, as I couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around it. I wanted to believe him but it scared
me, some part deep inside of me was frightened by it, so I was thankful that Edward wasn’t
going to push me on the subject. He suggested I touch myself, to explore my body, and that
shocked me beyond belief. Could I really do such a thing? I wasn’t so sure. Just the thought
of it embarrassed me.
And his kisses… wow, his kisses were amazing. He took my breath away, the taste of him
was warm and tangy and so completely intoxicating. The feel of his lips pressed against
mine sent spark surging through my veins. The feel of being in his arms, him holding me
while I slept, was comforting. Even holding his hand was astonishing. His hands were big
and strong, his fingers long, his grip firm. Just his hands made me feel safe. They weren’t
hands that would ever hurt me. They were hands that had so far done nothing but comfort
me and try to protect me. I never wanted to let go of his hands, never wanted them to leave
my skin.
But none of that mattered, because none of it was real. I was delusional and as soon as Dr.
Cullen arrived home from Chicago I’d be dead. He’d find me, probably rocking in a corner
and babbling nonsense about being in love with his son, and he’d drag me outside into the
woods and put me out of my misery. I wondered immediately what he’d do with my body
after I was dead. I never really knew what Charles did with the people he killed over the
years, had no idea exactly what he’d done with that teenage girl. Would he bury me out
there amongst the trees? Maybe throw my body into the river? Would he leave me whole,
or dismember me? I think he’d most likely cremate me and dump my ashes somewhere, as
he said that’s what he would’ve done with Jimmy Hoffa. It was logical, I suppose, leaving
no evidence behind. It would be as if I never existed and I guess in a sense I didn’t. I had no
birth certificate or social security number… no one would miss someone that was never
born, right?
I threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and headed downstairs in enough time to hear the
front door close and the car start up out front. I walked into the kitchen and peeked out the
window to see Edward’s car pull away, the sight of it making me smile. I wished he
wouldn’t have to go, as things seemed so dull without him around. There was less color in
life without Edward’s presence. Okay, so I realized I wasn’t actually delusional. I hadn’t
imagined yesterday. But it still felt so surreal and I had a feeling it would take quite some
time for it to truly sink in.
I sighed and turned away from the window when the car completely disappeared from
sight, and wandered around the downstairs for a bit. I pulled the vacuum out and
vacuumed the living room carpet. Edward had given it a good shot yesterday and did a
fairly decent job, but cleaning was definitely not his forte and I felt the need to go over it
again. I made sure the rest of the downstairs was clean and headed up to the second floor,
making sure the hallway was decent. Dr. Cullen’s rooms hadn’t been touched so there was
nothing for me to do there.
I finished up sometime around 3 pm and was heading back downstairs when I heard a
round of car doors outside. I froze, debating what to do. It was still too early to be any of
the boys and there was entirely too many of them for it to just be the family. The front door
opened after a moment and I heard quite a few voices immediately, one being Dr. Cullen’s.
I had no idea when he’d be back from his trip, but I hadn’t expected it to be so soon. He
stepped into the foyer and my eyes widened with shock when four other men walked in
behind him. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up, queasiness boiling in the pit of
my stomach. I took a step back instinctively, wanting to get away. I didn’t feel comfortable
there, didn’t feel safe with so many strange men around.
Dr. Cullen glanced up the stairs almost instantly and dread coursed through my system
when his eyes fell upon me. He cocked at eyebrow at me expectantly and I froze, unsure of
what I was supposed to do. His expression was serious; his face had a hard edge to it. I
realized at that moment that these men were co-workers’ of his, but not the kind that
worked at the hospital with him. They were involved in organized crime. I wasn’t
completely educated on the mafia but I’d gathered enough to realize that Dr. Cullen’s soft
side was a rarity in his line of work. Most likely these men were more like my father—
uncaring and cold, having no regard for people like me. They were like that part of Dr.
Cullen that I had seen in his bedroom. They were dangerous.
I didn’t know what to do. I desperately wanted to turn around and run back up to my room,
lock myself away but I was afraid that would be considered disrespectful. Charles always
forced us to hide away when he had company visiting, wanted us to be out of sight and out
of mind. But is that what Dr. Cullen would want? I didn’t want to run up to my room and
be rude when I was expected to serve his guests. He’d never actually had guests before
though, so I’d yet to encounter this problem. I didn’t want to barge down there and look
like I was intruding, being somewhere I shouldn’t be. Charles used to tell us all the time
that curiosity killed the cat and I didn’t want them to think I was being nosey.
The other guys seemed to be oblivious to my presence, as they were chatting amongst
themselves, but Dr. Cullen was still eyeing me. I took a deep breath and took a step down,
wanting to gauge his reaction. The corner of his lips turned up slightly when he caught
sight of my movement and he turned his head away, focusing his attention on an older man
with skin so pale it was nearly white. He was wearing a fancy suit and was more dressed up
than the rest of them.
I took Dr. Cullen’s reaction to meaning I was indeed supposed to come down. They headed
for the living room, and I walked down the steps slowly. My legs were trembling, my nerves
on edge. I reached the foyer and paused, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. I headed
toward the living area slowly and quietly, as I knew sometimes these type of men preferred
my kind to be silent. I was completely out of practice after having been in the Cullen’s
household. I realized at that moment exactly how much I’d truly changed in such a short
time without even knowing it. I was so far from being the timid Isabella Swan that had
existed in Phoenix, the girl that was practically an apparition. I’d grown used to being a
part of something and not standing on the outskirts trying to be unseen.
I paused when I reached their vicinity, as they were chatting and I didn’t want to interrupt.
I stood there for a moment before Dr. Cullen caught sight of me out of the corner of his eye.
His head turned in my direction and he raised his eyebrows once more. The rest of the guys
took notice and turned their attention toward me. I was uncomfortable, under the scrutiny
of their gaze, and felt my knees shaking. I silently prayed my legs didn’t give out from my
anxiety.
“Would you and your guests like something to drink, sir?” I asked, trying to speak loudly
and clearly but my voice cracked halfway through. I mentally scolded myself for coming off
so weak.
He nodded. “Yes, Isabella. Just some bottles of water will do for now.”
I nodded and turned, leaving the room quickly. I walked into the kitchen and opened the
fridge, grabbing five bottles of water. I gathered them up in my arms, shutting the fridge
door with my foot. I headed toward the living area quickly and started handing bottles of
water to the men. I refrained from holding eye contact with them so I didn’t get more
nervous, just gave each one a polite glance so I didn’t seem ill-mannered. A man with dark
black hair that looked to be about Dr. Cullen’s age thanked me, but he had a slight hard
edge to his voice that was a bit unnerving. The older guy with the fancy suit thanked me
also, his gratitude sounding more genuine. The other two made me uncomfortable,
especially the blonde haired guy. He was staring at me and smirking, his look slightly
malicious. He was gazing at me like he was a predator and I was his prey, as if I were
something to eat.
“Isabella, these are friends of mine from Chicago,” Dr. Cullen said when I handed the last
bottle of water to a black guy with twisty hair. I glanced over at him, slightly surprised that
he was attempting conversation with me in front of his guests. He pointed out the men and
introduced them to me as Aro, Royce, James, and Laurent. I said hello, trying to be
pleasant, not wanting to embarrass Dr. Cullen with a lack of manners.
“So this is her,” the older man named Aro said when Dr. Cullen finished introducing me to
the men. I glanced over in his direction and he smiled at me when our eyes met. I broke eye
contact quickly, focusing on the ground. He was definitely intimidating but I wouldn’t
exactly call him hostile.
“Yes,” Dr. Cullen said simply, opening his bottle of water and taking a swig of it. I stood
along the side of the room, unsure of what I was supposed to do. I didn’t just want to leave
on my own accord and was hoping Dr. Cullen would dismiss me.
“It’s nice to finally see her after all this time,” Aro said. My brow furrowed slightly with
confusion, as I’d only been at the Cullen’s place for a little over a month. That wasn’t that
long, and why in the world would he care to see me? I was just another slave child. “I’m
curious, Carlisle. Tell me… was she worth it?”
Dr. Cullen laughed bitterly at the question, the sound sending chills down my spine. It
wasn’t at all pleasant; it had a bit of a vicious edge to it that concerned me. Had I really
been that bad? I’d done everything he asked of me and he hadn’t come off as being
disappointed except for that incident with his gun. I’d accepted my punishment for that
with stride, had done my best not to disobey and stayed out of his way as much as possible.
“Depends. Are you asking me personally, or are you asking me that as a businessman?” Dr.
Cullen asked, his voice flat. He had that blank look on his face that frightened me.
Aro laughed, obviously finding something about Dr. Cullen’s response humorous. “How
about personally? Do you think she was worth it?”
Dr. Cullen glanced over at me, his eyes meeting mine. My eyes widened and I felt fear surge
through my body, so intense it nearly buckled me. His eyes were dark, his demeanor
frightening. He looked almost as he had looked that day in his bedroom with the menacing
glare. He wasn’t the compassionate, caring Dr. Cullen anymore. He was that dangerous
man that had snapped and completely lost control.
Dr. Cullen turned back away from me, staring off into space. “Absolutely not. Of course she
wasn’t worth it,” he said firmly. I nearly lost my breath when he spoke, a pain in my chest
that startled me. His words hurt and it was utterly ridiculous but I felt almost betrayed. I
thought I’d fit in quite well and despite that one incident Dr. Cullen had been oddly kind to
me. He called me endearing names, the same names I realized he called Alice and Rosalie.
Had I truly been that much of a disappointment? Did he regret buying me? Did he plan to
send me away?
My eyes welled up with tears at all of the unknowns and I fought them back, not wanting to
cry in front of these men, especially about something so completely absurd. I wasn’t his
family, I wasn’t anything to him but a possession. Why did I care so much what he thought
of me? I realized Edward had been right—Dr. Cullen would never approve of his son ever
touching someone like me.
“But speaking as a businessman?” Dr. Cullen continued after a moment. “She’s obedient
and a hard worker. I never have to tell her to do anything, never have to give her
reminders; she automatically does it on her own. She doesn’t talk back and she doesn’t
stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. I’ve got clean clothes, a clean house, and decent food
to eat. So I guess in that regard she was worth it. Worth every penny I paid for her, and
then some.”
I just stared at him with confusion, not understanding. If he had all of those positive things
to say about me, why didn’t he personally think I was worth buying? Aro nodded and
seemed to comprehend what Dr. Cullen was talking about though, obviously understanding
something I didn’t get.
“How much did you pay for her anyway?” the dark haired man named Royce asked.
“$650,000,” Dr. Cullen said, shrugging. My eyes widened with surprise, as I hadn’t realized
he’d paid so much for me. That seemed like such a large amount for as little work as I did. I
almost felt bad, like he’d been ripped off.
“Damn, that’s cheap,” Laurent said. Dr. Cullen nodded in agreement. I just stared at them
with shock, stunned that they considered that to be inexpensive.
“Swan wanted at least a million for her because she was young and still a virgin but I wasn’t
giving that swine that much money. I knew he’d sell her to me for whatever I offered, there
was no way he’d turn me down,” Dr. Cullen said, smiling.
Aro laughed. “You know you could’ve given him twenty bucks and he would’ve handed her
over to you, too afraid not to.”
Dr. Cullen shrugged. “Yeah but I was feeling a bit generous, what can I say.” They all
laughed and I just stood there, staring at them. I was completely stunned that they were
talking about business right in front of me, acting as if I weren’t even there. They were
talking about my purchase, at that.
“She looks like she’d make a good goomah,” James chimed in with after a moment, the
sound of his voice sending a chill down my spine. I glanced at him, the devilish smirk on
his face making me feel sick immediately. The way he was looking at me made me very
uncomfortable. Out of all of them, I liked him the least.
“I’m quite sure in order to have a goomah, I’d need to have a wife,” Dr. Cullen said sharply,
so sharp that I jumped and my head snapped in his direction. He was glaring at James with
murderous rage. My heart started racing fast, his sudden shift in demeanor scaring me. I
had no idea what a goomah was, but I was quite positive it wasn’t something pleasant to
cause such a reaction from Dr. Cullen.
“True,” James said, still staring at me and smiling. Dr. Cullen’s anger didn’t seem to faze
him at all. “I’ll give you double what you paid for the girl.”
My eyes widened with fear at the thought of being sold to this man, and I glanced over at
Dr. Cullen quickly. He had said I wasn’t worth it, did that mean he’d sell me? That was an
awful lot of money James was offering. Dr. Cullen turned to look at me briefly before
shaking his head. “Isabella’s not for sale,” he said firmly.
I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. “Che peccato,” James said, shrugging.
A small uncomfortable silence came over the room and I stared down at the floor, unsure of
what I should do. Dr. Cullen cleared his throat after a moment. “Why don’t you go ahead
and start dinner, Isabella. My guests will be joining us tonight so you’ll have a lot to make.”
I nodded. “Yes, sir,” I said quickly, turning and leaving the room. My heart was still racing
fast as I fled into the kitchen. I leaned against the counter, taking a few deep breaths, trying
to calm myself down and relax. I heard the sound of gravel crunching after a moment and
peered out the window, spotting the little yellow car pull up. Jasper climbed out the
passenger seat and waved goodbye to Alice as she pulled away from the house. He headed
inside, walking straight for the living room. I listened as he greeted the guys briefly before
heading to the kitchen.
He smiled at me, walking over and opening the fridge door. He pulled out a can of coke and
shut the door, leaning up against it as he opened his soda. “You look worried,” he said. I
smiled lightly at him.
“Just a bit uncomfortable,” I said softly. Jasper nodded.
“Would it make you feel any better if I told you they make me uncomfortable too?” he
asked, his voice low. He obviously didn’t want the visitors to overhear him.
I looked at him with surprise. “Do they?” I asked. He nodded.
“Always have. I’ve never liked this lifestyle, never was comfortable with it. My mom wasn’t
either, she tried to keep us boys away from it. Edward’s the only one who seems to have
embraced it,” he said, shrugging.
I nodded, remembering Dr. Cullen telling me that Edward seemed to be following in his
footsteps. It was a bit hard to understand, as the Edward I’d grown to know wasn’t a callous
human being. He had a temper, yes, but he was also compassionate and caring.
I turned away from Jasper and started opening cabinets, trying to decide what to make for
dinner. “Any suggestions on what I should cook?” I asked. He sighed.
“Go with what you made your first night cooking for us. It won us over,” he suggested. I
glanced at him and smiled, thanking him. He nodded and headed out of the kitchen, going
upstairs. I turned my attention to the food, not wanting to mess it up. I’d yet to screw up a
dinner and didn’t want to start now when Dr. Cullen had important guests.
I was left alone for the most part, allowed to cook in peace. Emmett came home eventually,
giving me a quick wave from the foyer as he was heading to go upstairs. Carlisle and his
guests went into the locked room under the stairs after a bit, leaving the first floor in
relative silence.
I heard a door open after a bit and the sound of footsteps approaching. I tensed up slightly,
unsure of who it was but praying it was Dr. Cullen. I tried to focus on the cooking, trying to
ignore the odd prickly feeling of my skin crawling. I glanced behind me after a moment
when the footsteps stopped and spotted James standing in the doorway. I stayed frozen in
spot as he smirked, his eyes lingering downward as he looked at my body. It made me
uncomfortable and I turned back away from him quickly, focusing on the stove in front of
me, hoping he’d just turn and walk away after he saw what he came to see. He didn’t speak
but I could feel his eyes boring into me.
I was stirring the noodles when his footsteps started up again slowly as he strolled toward
me. I was so tense my muscles were hurting. My hands were trembling, each footstep
sending my heart racing even faster. He stopped behind me and leaned his head forward,
inhaling my hair. Shivers of disgust ripped through me as I felt his breath on my neck. He
brought his hand up, running the back of his fingers down my arm lightly. My eyes welled
up with tears and I started shaking, trying to hold it back.
“He should’ve sold you to me,” he said, his voice low and his tone wicked. “We could’ve had
some fun.”
I stayed frozen in spot and felt a tear slip down my cheek as his hand roamed downward
along my side. I cried out softly, frightened of what he was doing when his hand came to
rest on my hip. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to prepare myself for whatever was
to come, when I heard a slight commotion and I was knocked to the side roughly, James’s
hand leaving my hip. The jolt threw me toward the stove and my hand hit the pot of boiling
noodles, scorching pain coursing through my hand. My eyes snapped open and I pulled my
hand away quickly, grabbing it as it started throbbing. I heard a bang, the sound of
something slamming into the counter, and a yell. I glanced in the direction of the noise,
stunned when I saw Dr. Cullen had James pressed up against the counter with a kitchen
knife pressed against his neck. James was tensed up and Dr. Cullen looked murderously
mad, his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flaring with anger. I had no idea where he’d come
from, as I hadn’t heard him approach at all, but I learned that day he’d caught me holding
his gun that he was stealthy. I started hyperventilating, frightened and confused. I was
grateful obviously but his demeanor startled me. Dr. Cullen frightened me; there was no
doubt about it.
“You don’t touch my property, do you hear me boy?” Dr. Cullen said harshly. James just
stared at him.
“I hear you,” he said finally. Dr. Cullen stood there glaring at him for a moment longer, the
blade of the knife pressed into him so much that any slight movement on either ones behalf
and it would slice the skin. I could see James’s neck pulsating from his heart pounding.
“Don’t do it again,” Dr. Cullen said, pulling the knife away and taking a step back. James
relaxed slightly and shot me a quick glare before turning and heading out of the room. Dr.
Cullen huffed and turned toward me. He tossed the knife into the sink and took a few steps
in my direction. I recoiled backward instinctively, clutching my hand that felt like it was on
fire. I tripped over my own feet and fell backward, landing on my rear end. I yelped and Dr.
Cullen paused, groaning. He pinched the bridge of his nose with irritation.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, knowing he was upset. Tears were still falling down my cheek,
my voice shaky from trying to fight them back.
He walked over and crouched down beside me. “Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. I
didn’t mean to knock into you and make you harm yourself,” he said. He reached out and
grabbed my hand, ignoring the fact that I flinched once again. He held my hand up,
assessing my burn. He sighed and stood up, walking over to the sink. He put the plug in
and filled the sink with cold water. “Come here,” he said. I stood up hesitantly and walked
over to him. He took my hand and placed it in the cold water. “Keep it submerged for about
twenty minutes. We’ll put some cream on it later, okay?”
“Okay,” I said softly, staring down at the sink. My palm was throbbing, the water so cold it
made my fingers tingle. He sighed and turned to walk away.
“And that shouldn’t have happened, he shouldn’t have touched you. It won’t happen again,”
he added, hesitating. I glanced up and saw him eyeing me. I nodded so he knew I heard
him. He nodded in response and turned, walking out.
I watched the clock on the stove, counting down exactly twenty minutes. The water was
annoying me and I wanted to pull my hand out of it, but I didn’t want to disregard what Dr.
Cullen told me. It was obvious he was quick to snap today and I didn’t want to
inadvertently cause another one of his episodes. When twenty minutes was up I pulled my
hand out, letting the water out of the sink. I dried my hand off quickly and turned back to
the stove, sighing. The noodles I’d been cooking were ruined, complete mush. I dumped
them in the trash and started another pot of boiling water, still trying to ignore the slight
burning sensation in my hand.
I was boiling the second batch of noodles when I heard the car skidding abruptly to a stop
outside. I glanced out the widow and spotted the Volvo, watching curiously as Edward got
out and studied the other cars in the driveway. My heart was racing fast, butterflies
fluttering around in my stomach. He came inside and paused in the foyer, turning to look
at me. He smiled, the sight of it sending my entire body into tingles. I gave him a small
smile in return but turned back to the boiling noodles, not wanting to linger or dwell on it. I
was still so overwhelmed over everything, had a hard time really comprehending that
Edward really wanted me like I wanted him.
Edward headed into the living area and I finished the noodles, throwing the rest of dinner
together. I was getting it ready to set out on the table when I heard Dr. Cullen’s voice. I
glanced up and saw him and Edward standing in the foyer. Edward glanced over at me,
looking slightly panicked. He turned his attention back to his father and nodded, turning
and heading for the stairs. Dr. Cullen hesitated in the foyer before taking a few steps into
the kitchen.
“Are you almost done?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at me. I nodded slowly.
“It’s finished, just needs put on the table, sir,” I said. He nodded.
“Good. Just leave it there, I can get Jasper to set it out.” I looked at him with confusion and
he sighed. “I want you to go up to your room and stay there for the rest of the night, okay?
And keep your door locked. I’ll send one of the boys up later with your dinner and the burn
cream.”
I nodded and glanced around quickly to make sure everything was in order before heading
out of the kitchen. Dr. Cullen followed me up the stairs, slipping away into his office when
we hit the second floor. I went up to the third floor and went straight to my room, going
inside and locking the door behind me like Dr. Cullen requested. I was slightly on edge,
unsure of why I was practically being banished up here.
I sat around for a few minutes, feeling antsy. I turned on my TV and flipped through
channels, trying to find something to watch but it was fruitless. I couldn’t seem to focus. I
gave up after a bit and went into the bathroom, stripping my clothes off and turning on a
warm shower to try to relax myself and get rid of some of the tension in my muscles. I felt
dirty after having that man’s hands on me and wanted to wash that feeling off. I washed my
hair and body, rinsing off and climbing out. I dried off and threw my robe on, tying it
around my waist. I didn’t bother with my hair, figuring I’d deal with it later. The bathroom
was completely foggy from steam so I wouldn’t be able to see in the mirror anyway.
I opened the door to head back into the bedroom and froze abruptly when I caught
movement from the corner of my eye. I clutched my chest and yelped when I saw Edward
was standing in front of the TV with the remote in his hand, flipping through the channels.
He turned to look at me, cocking an eyebrow and smirking.
“How did you get in here?!” I asked with disbelief, knowing I’d locked the door. He
chuckled, sitting the remote down on the table. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a
key ring, dangling a key in front of me. “You have a key to my room?”
He shook his head and put the key back into his pocket, “I didn’t. My dad just gave me one
though.”
My brow furrowed with confusion, slightly stunned. “Your dad gave you a key to my
room?” I asked with disbelief. Edward nodded.
“He told me to look out for you the next few days while the Mafiosi’s in town. He doesn’t
want you left alone.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “So you’re, like… babysitting me?”
He chuckled. “I guess you could say that.”
“Why you?” I asked with confusion. He cocked an eyebrow at me and looked slightly hurt
by my question.
“Am I that horrible to hang out with?” he asked. My eyes widened when I realized what he
thought and I shook my head no furiously, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.
“I didn’t mean it like that! I’m just surprised that your dad would ask you.” He nodded and
smiled lightly. I was relieved he seemed to understand.
“Yeah, well, I’m evidently being punished for beating the shit outta Newton,” he said
shrugging. “Not that I consider this punishment or anything,” he added quickly. “He told
me he turned the cameras on in the house and I was about to start flipping the fuck out,
wondering how the hell I was still going to get away with sneaking over here at night and
not getting caught when he gave me the key and told me to watch over you. Solved my
fucking problem.”
I narrowed my eyes at him when his words registered. “Do you sneak over here often?” I
asked.
He froze at my question and averted his eyes away from me, looking slightly panicked. I
realized he’d just inadvertently said something he hadn’t intended to say. “Your dinner’s
over there,” he said, pointing at the table beside my couch. He was changing the subject,
obviously avoiding having to answer the question.
“Thank you. How often do you sneak over here?” I asked again. He shrugged, groaning
softly.
“Not often. But your food is going to get cold,” he said. He paused, peeking at me. He shook
his head lightly and smirked his dazzling crooked grin. “And you might want to put some
clothes on.”
My brow furrowed and I glanced down, gasping. I wrapped my arms around myself,
startled that I’d been standing here in nothing but a robe and it hadn’t really dawned on
me. “Goodness, I’m sorry! I’m indecent.”
He chuckled. “You are. Utterly indecent. It should be illegal to be that fucking tempting.”
My eyes widened slightly. “Tempting?” I asked. I walked over and grabbed my
undergarments as well as a pair of shorts and the football T-Shirt of Edward’s that I’d been
given my first night in the house. It was my favorite article of clothing, so comfortable and
soothing in a way. I felt oddly comforted in it.
“Yes, tempting. Now go get dressed and come eat your food before it seriously does get
cold,” he said. I hesitated, wanting to know what he found so tempting about me, but
decided against asking. I turned and headed into my bathroom, dropping the robe and
pulling on my pajamas. I ran my fingers through my hair quickly to get the knots out and
headed back out into the room. Edward was still standing in the same spot, looking slightly
uncomfortable for some reason. I walked over and sat down on the couch, giving him a
small smile when he glanced over at me. I picked up my plate and started eating a bit, not
really having an appetite.
“Are you going to sit down?” I asked after a moment, unsure of why he was just standing
there. He sighed and nodded.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to, or whatever,” he mumbled. I rolled my eyes to myself at
his absurdity—as if I’d not want him here. He headed toward me and reached in his pocket,
pulling out a small tube. “I almost fucking forgot. My dad said you burned your hand when
he jacked that asshole up.”
“Yeah. It’s not that bad though,” I said, holding my hand out. He sat down on the edge of
the couch facing me and grabbed my hand lightly, surveying it.
“Bad or not, you shouldn’t have fucking burned yourself, because he shouldn’t have fucking
touched you,” Edward said firmly, his tone suddenly turning cold. I eyed him warily, a little
caught off guard by the quick change in demeanor. His temper was unpredictable, almost
as much as Dr. Cullen’s.
He opened the tube and started rubbing some cream into my burn, trying to be gentle.
After he was done he closed the tube up and sat it on the table. He glanced up, meeting my
eyes after a second. I just stared at him, mesmerized by the green visibly shifting shades
with his mood. His hard expression softened after a moment and he sighed. He glanced
down briefly at my lips before looking back into my eyes and leaning forward. My heart
started racing and I pulled my head away from him before he could kiss me. His brow
furrowed, his face clouding over with devastation. He looked like he felt defeated, like I was
rejecting him.
“Didn’t you say your father turned on cameras?” I asked quickly, remembering him
mentioning that and not wanting him to think I didn’t want or like his kisses. I just didn’t
want Edward to be caught doing anything to get either of us in trouble. He looked at me
with confusion at first before smiling lightly.
“None of the bedrooms or bathrooms have cameras. They’re too private, it would be too
fucking perverted to record that shit. He usually only has camera’s on in the downstairs
office but because of the visitors he turned on the ones in the hallways and downstairs. He
always warns us when he does, doesn’t want us to be paranoid or uncomfortable in our own
fucking house. No big deal, he won’t see shit.”
I nodded, understanding. I felt relieved by that, as I wasn’t very comfortable being watched
and recorded, especially not in my room. He stared at me for a moment before cocking an
eyebrow. “So, can I kiss you or what?”
I smiled and nodded. He leaned forward and tilted his head to the side, pressing his lips to
mine. His tongue came out almost instantly and he tried to deepen the kiss. I grabbed the
plate that was still on my lap and blindly felt for the table, sitting it down. I brought my
hands up and laced my fingers in his chaotic hair, pulling his head toward me. He groaned
and pressed into me, pushing me backwards onto my back and hovering over top of me. My
heart started racing wildly, my hands trembling. His lips were moving feverishly, his
tongue dancing with mine frenziedly. There was so much passion in his kiss, so much
desire.
I broke my head away after a moment, gasping for air breathlessly. Edward lips moved
down my jaw line and he brought his mouth to my neck, placing kisses all around. Tingles
shot through me, the feel of his wet lips and warm breath causing a shiver to rip through
me. I felt him place his hand on my knee and he started running it up my bare thigh slowly.
I tensed up instinctively, not frightened but a bit startled at the sensations. He sensed my
tension and froze his hand, pulling his lips from my neck quickly.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, moving away slightly and sitting up. He removed his hand from my
leg but sat gazing at me, obviously awaiting my reaction. I smiled at him, not wanting him
to feel like he did anything wrong, and pulled myself up.
“It’s okay. You shouldn’t apologize for touching me,” I said. He smiled softly and turned
away, nodding his head toward my plate.
“Eat, Bella. Maybe we’ll watch a movie or something.” I nodded in response, grabbing the
plate off the table and taking a bite. It was slightly cold now but it didn’t bother me. I had
spent half my life eating cold food.
I finished eating while Edward flipped through channels, trying to find something to watch.
He settled on a movie he said was called “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. He
seemed to like it but it looked quite odd to me. I sat my plate down finally when I was
finished eating and about the same time Edward stood up. I was gazing at the TV but
caught sight of something from the corner of my eye. I glanced over at Edward, my eyes
widening with shock as he pulled a black handgun from his waistband under his shirt. He
sat it on the table in front of us, sitting back down beside me.
I stared at the gun on the table with shock, completely stunned that he had it. I couldn’t
deny that it frightened me a bit and my hands started to shake. He glanced over and saw
my expression and smiled. “Better safe than sorry,” he mumbled.
I looked up and met his eyes briefly before glancing back down at the gun. Edward reached
over and picked it back up after a moment, holding it up and eyeing it. “You don’t have to
be afraid of guns,” he said softly. “Guns don’t hurt you. It’s the idiots with their fingers on
the trigger that you have to worry about.”
I glanced back at him, noticing he was watching me with concern. I smiled lightly, trying to
reassure him that I was okay. “I’m just… uh, not used to them, I guess. I just didn’t expect
you to have one.”
He nodded, turning his attention back to the gun. He sat it back down on the table after a
moment. “Yeah, I keep it under the drivers seat in my car, just for protection, ya know.
Maybe I’ll teach you to shoot it one of these days. That’s the easiest way to get used to
them. I used to fear guns when I was younger but my dad took me out to the shooting
range and taught me to respect them instead.”
My eyes widened and I gaped at him. He wanted to teach me how to use a gun? He glanced
up at me and I shook my head quickly. “I, uh… I don’t think… your father… you know…” I
stammered, caught off guard by his suggestion. There was no way Dr. Cullen would be okay
with that.
Edward shrugged. “Trust me,” he said simply. He leaned back, slouching slightly, and put
his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me toward him and I didn’t resist, scooting over
and laying my head on his shoulder. He squeezed me lightly, leaning his head down to rest
on top of mine. I was still a bit stunned from the conversation we’d just had and kept
glancing over at the gun on the table. Edward put his other hand on his lap and I reached
down cautiously after a moment toward it. Edward glanced down at his lap, watching as I
lightly ran my fingers down his forearm, before gently stroking his wrist and the back of his
hand. He turned his hand over after a moment so his palm was facing up. I ran my pointer
finger around his palm lightly, tracing the lines and creases. His fingers twitched a bit and I
glanced up briefly, noticing he was smiling lightly. I smiled, wondering if it tickled. I had no
idea if he were ticklish.
I looked back down at his hand, moving my fingers down and running them lightly across
the tattoo on his wrist, the one that said ‘trust no one’ in Italian.
“Do you really believe that?” I asked softly. I could sense him look at me, his body shifting
slightly.
“Believe what?” he asked hesitantly.
“That you shouldn’t trust anyone,” I said, lightly tracing the letters of the tattoo with my
pointer finger. He sighed.
“I used to,” he said eventually. “Until you walked through the door and into my life.”
I looked up at him, slightly surprised. “You trust me?” I asked. He nodded, furrowing his
brow.
“Why does that surprise you? Hell, I let you sleep in my bed and offered to teach you to
shoot my gun. You think I’d do that shit if I didn’t trust you? I just don’t do that shit, ya
know? That’s not me,” he said.
I nodded, grinning after a moment. “That’s right, you’re finicky,” I mumbled. He chuckled,
shaking our bodies gently with the motion, and shook his head.
“Yeah, I’m fucking finicky. Seriously, am I really that bad?” he asked. I laughed lightly.
“No, you’re not that bad,” I said. “You still won’t let me clean your room, though,” I added
quickly. He sighed exaggeratedly.
“That’s not because I’m finicky or I don’t trust you. I just feel like an asshole having you
clean up after me. I mean, you’re my girl, you aren’t supposed to have to do that shit,” he
muttered. My eyes widened slightly with surprise, a swell of hope and satisfaction surging
inside of me when the words ‘my girl’ rolled from his lips.
“But don’t you see?” I asked, sitting up slightly so I could look him in the face. He glanced
over and met my eyes. “That’s one of the only things I can do for you. I can’t give you
anything, I really have nothing to offer you Edward. No way to make you happy or keep you
interested.”
He just stared at me for a moment, his expression intense. I started to feel self-conscious,
worrying about whether or not I’d said the wrong thing. I looked away, afraid of his
reaction. He shifted quickly and grasped my chin, pulling my face up so I’d look at him
again.
“I told you, you don’t see yourself clearly. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do things
to impress me, or try to fucking win me over and keep my affection. The shit is yours to
keep.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine quickly, softly. “That right there? That
makes me happy. Just you being yourself is enough to keep me interested. I just want to
see you and be around you.”
I just gaped at him and felt my eyes welling up with tears at his words. Could it really be
that simple? I felt a tear slip through and fall down my cheek. Edward reached up and
wiped it away, smiling lightly. “You’re so fucking pure and good, truly one of a kind. I sure
as shit don’t deserve someone like you after all of the bullshit I’ve done in life. I only hope I
can live up to be what you need. Hope I can be good enough for you.”
I blinked a few times, stunned. “You’re too good for me,” I mumbled, surprised that he’d
say such a thing. He chuckled, shaking his head.
“Are we seriously talking about the same person here? The selfish cocky motherfucker that
curses and yells and blows up cars and beats the shit out of people because he’s got a
goddamn temper he can’t control? You know, the dickhead that drinks like a goddamn fish
and fries his brain with drugs just for the fuck of it? The one that used people for pleasure,
only gave a shit about his own needs and said to hell with everyone else? That
motherfucker’s too good for you?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.
I laughed at his description of himself, shaking my head. “No, I’m not talking about him.
I’m talking about the boy who shared his chocolate bar with me when he probably had
never shared anything before. The one that gave me his mothers favorite book because he
thought I deserved to be able to read. The one that seems to be constantly fixing me up
because I get hurt, when he doesn’t have to do that. I’m talking about the boy who restrains
himself physically so not to make me uncomfortable and asks for my opinion when in
actuality he could easily get away with not doing either thing. But he does, because that’s
who he is deep down inside. He’s compassionate and caring. I’m talking about the boy who
tries to put my needs above his desires, the one that treats me like I’m just a regular girl.
The boy who desperately needs his bedroom cleaned and laundry washed but chooses to
live in chaos and is about to have to start wearing dirty clothes because he’s much too polite
to ask the girl he kisses to help him out.”
Edward blinked a few times, seemingly caught off guard. “Wow,” he mumbled. I smiled.
“Maybe I’m not the only one who doesn’t see themselves clearly,” I said, shrugging. “You
may say naughty things and have a temper and do some, uh, unpleasant things sometimes,
but that doesn’t make you who you are.”
He stared at me silently for a moment before sighing. He pulled me toward him again with
his arm around me and I laid my head back on his shoulder. He started rubbing circles on
my arm with his thumb. “You are much too amazing,” he said softly. I smiled, closing my
eyes and snuggling closer to him. He was warm, his scent enveloping me.
Edward reached his hand over and grabbed mine, running his fingers along mine much like
I’d done his. It tickled and I laughed a bit as the tingles shot up my arm. “Are you okay,
tesoro?” he asked after a moment. I opened my eyes and glanced at him, noticing his
serious expression.
“Yeah, my hand doesn’t hurt that much anymore,” I said nonchalantly. I’d been burned
before, it was really no big deal. The pain would fade and it would heal. He sighed.
“I wasn’t talking about your hand, although I’m glad it’s okay. I was referring to the fact
that he touched you,” he said softly, frowning. I looked away from him, turning back to the
movie, unsure of what to say. I was still freaked out a bit about it, the thought of his hands
on me making me feel queasy. He made me uneasy, as there was a maliciousness to him
that I didn’t like. He definitely had bad intentions and no regard for others.
“I guess so,” I said after a moment. “I mean, he didn’t really hurt me. Just scared me a bit.”
Edward sighed, squeezing me lightly in a semi-hug. I wrapped my arm around his torso,
hugging him back. He leaned his head over and kissed the top of my head. “He won’t come
near you again. My dad doesn’t want him here, doesn’t like him a bit. He doesn’t trust him
at all, thinks he has ulterior motives. He’ll be gone in a few days and you won’t be left alone
until he is.”
I glanced up at him. “What about when you’re in school?” I asked. Edward smiled lightly.
“My dad will be around for the most part. When he can’t keep an eye on you, one of us will
stay home. Likely Jasper. I can’t really afford to skip anymore days this semester but I will
if I need to. And I’ll be with you at night. The guys will be in and out of the house day and
night but they won’t be sleeping here. Just conducting business or whatever.”
I nodded. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of spending a lot of time with Dr.
Cullen, but I’d surely take him over James any day. “Can I ask you something?” I asked
after a moment, pulling myself up slightly to look at him.
Edward sighed. “You can ask me anything.” He smiled lightly, his eyebrows raised
expectantly.
“What’s an, uh… goomah?” I asked, recalling the conversation between James and Dr.
Cullen.
Edward’s brow furrowed, his eyes narrowing slightly and his smile falling. “Where’d you
hear that at?” he asked hesitantly, his voice low with a slight edge to it. Whatever it was, it
evidently upset Edward.
“Uh… James told your dad I’d make a good one, whatever it was. Your dad got pretty upset
about it and James offered to buy me,” I said quietly, laying my head back down and
snuggling into his neck. Edward tensed up slightly, his hand on my arm trembling a bit. I
cut my eyes at him and saw the anger on his face. His other hand was clenched in a fist and
he was fighting to remain calm.
“A goomah is a mob mistress. A lot of Mafiosi have them, the girl on the side they go to for
sex, cheat on their wives with. My dad’s one of the few that never did it. Or at least I fucking
hope he didn’t, as I’d be thoroughly fucking pissed if I ever found out he did that to my
mother. Usually they’re young girls, college-aged, that they can spoil with gifts in exchange
for getting sex. Makes them feel good about themselves, having a pretty young girl all
wrapped around their dicks. Then there are a few that get their kicks off on dominance and
using force, like James. He’d have a goomah to make him feel powerful when really he’s
nothing but a sick fucking stronzo. They’re the ones who prefer to use… uh… the help.” He
said the last part hesitantly and it came off sounding more like a question than a statement.
He was obviously trying to be sensitive as he was referring to my kind.
“You can say it you know. The word ‘slave’ doesn’t bother me. I know what I am,” I said
softly.
He groaned. “Well, it fucking bothers me,” he said, sounding completely irritated.
I sighed, knowing it was no use pressing the issue, as he’d only get upset further for
whatever reason. It was only a word, whether he said it or not didn’t change anything.
“So basically James wanted to do to me what Charles does to my mother,” I said quietly,
feeling disgusted.
“Yeah. I’ll never fucking let that happen though, they’d have to kill me first.” My eyes
widened slight at the forcefulness of his statement. I pulled back from him quickly,
glancing at his face. His expression was hard, completely serious. I was stunned.
He’d told me he’d kill for me and I believed that… but would he really die for me? Did he
care for me that much that he’d give up his own life for me?
I stared at him for a while and he stared right back.
“How often do you sneak to my room?” I asked, my brow furrowing. I really needed to
know the answer. He continued to stare at me and when he spoke there was no wavering to
his voice, no shame in his answer.
“Every night.”
*****
Goomah – Mob Mistress

Che peccato – What a pity/What a shame
Stronzo – Bastard (loosely translated, it’s a word generally used in reference to someone
you dislike or find offensive)
Chapter 29 Being Myself
"I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than
regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had
been like if I'd just been myself." -- Brittany Renee
I sat in the large black leather chair in my fathers office, trying to look all fucking
nonchalant and bored slumped down. But inside of me was complete anarchy, as I was
freaking out that shit was about to hit the fan. There was no fucking way he could’ve heard
about that kiss yet, he’d been in Chicago and wouldn’t have been out in town to hear the
gossip with the Mafiosi in tow. People in Forks would fucking balk at their presence and it
would only fuel those rumors about my fathers ties to organized crime. But as irrational as
the shit was, I was still freaking out and falling apart inside. I had no idea what the hell I
was going to do if he stormed in here and demanded to know what the fuck was going on
between Isabella and I. I couldn’t lie to him. Fuck, my father was like a goddamn walking
lie detector when it came to me. He knew all of my tells, he’d know right off the goddamn
bat if he caught me off guard and I tried to lie. Frankly, I was a damn good liar but my
father knew how to weasel shit out of you. He’d go one of two routes—either he’d be
extremely fucking patient and talk in circles about nonsense until you ended up admitting
shit without even realizing it, or he’d run in and just fucking start blurting it out to catch
you off guard and make you panic. He usually went the second route with me, and not give
me enough time to play shit off. Hell, I’d probably fucking start stuttering like I used to
when I was a kid and he confronted me.
I drummed my fingers on the arm of the chair, fucking impatient and wanting to get this
over with and wondering what the hell was wrong with Isabella. She wasn’t happy, I could
see that on her face when I saw her in the kitchen. Christ, had my father already fucking
questioned her about us? Was that what was wrong with her? If so me even trying to lie
was a waste of damn time. He would’ve gotten her to crack, she didn’t understand how he
was when he was pushing for information. You’d tell him shit and not even realize it. God, I
fucking hope he hadn’t interrogated her.
The door behind me opened after a bit and I stopped my drumming, knowing he’d see it
and realize I was stressing out. He closed the door quietly behind him and walked around
his desk, sitting down at it. I glanced up and saw he wasn’t even looking at me, but that
pissed off expression was still on his face. He opened his laptop immediately and turned it
on, sighing loudly.
He didn’t speak to me, didn’t even acknowledge I was fucking sitting there for a minute or
so and my anxiety was growing. Silence with my father was often times worse than him
yelling. Silence meant he was deep in thought about something, that something was
bothering the shit out of him. He liked to internalize things, he was an over thinker and
always analyzed everything, and that shit was dangerous because he could come up with
some fucking brutal ideas in that twisted head of his. He was probably fucking theorizing
on how best to string me up to a goddamn tree by the balls, working through some crazy
ass math problem on how thick the tree would need to be and how to best fucking anchor
things so not to sever my scrotum or break the rope. My father was intelligent without a
doubt and having a goddamn medical degree didn’t help the matter. He could come up
with some interesting ways to hurt people or kill them. They didn’t call him the fucking
leech for nothing—his favorite method of murder was apparently making people bleed to
death, draining them dry of blood so it’s slow and painful. No, a fucking bullet to the head
wasn’t good enough for him--he had to be creative. But I’d take a fucking bullet to the brain
any day in lieu of whatever it was he was thinking about doing to me right now.
“Do you like the number thirteen, Edward?” he asked after a moment, his voice serious and
collected. My brow furrowed at his random question. He’s quiet for goddamn forever and
when he finally speaks he asks me about a number?
“I mean, it’s just a fucking number,” I said after a moment, unsure of what he was getting
at. My father always had a purpose for everything he said though; he wouldn’t just pop off a
random damn question without having a reason. What, was it how many feet of rope he’d
need to hang my stupid ass from the oak tree out back? How many inches round the tree
branch would have to be to hold my body weight?
“Yeah. I never understood the fascination with it myself. There’s even a psychological
disorder dealing with the fear of the number, Triskaidekaphobia. It’s strange how
apprehensive people are to something as trivial as a number. There are countless
skyscrapers that don’t even have a thirteenth floor because of the irrational fear of it, one
being the UBS Tower in Chicago. Actually, in Italy the number thirteen is considered to be
a lucky number. Although in the Campania region in the southern part of the country the
term ‘tredici’, which of course you know is the number thirteen in Italian, is used as slang
meaning someone’s luck has turned to shit pretty quick,” he said, typing on his laptop. He
still hadn’t even bothered to look up at me. I just gaped at him, wondering what the fuck he
was spouting all of this off for.
He didn’t continue the conversation, whatever the fuck it’s purpose was, and the room grew
silent except for the sound of his fingers furiously pressing keys as he typed away. I started
drumming my fingers again, still stressing the fuck out and now completely baffled as to
what the hell he was going on about. The clicking on the keys was grating on my nerves, the
silence uncomfortable. I started drumming my fingers harder, unable to take it.
“You know, I appreciate the fucking random trivia, dad. I’m sure if I ever go on goddamn
Jeopardy it might come in handy, but I don’t understand what the fuck it has to do with
me,” I spat after a moment, sharper than I intended to come off sounding. But I was
irritated and my temper got the best of me too much. His fingers stopped moving on the
keys immediately and he glanced up at me, cocking his eyebrow questioningly. I groaned,
realizing I was playing right into his goddamn hand. Oldest trick in the book—confuse
them so they break.
“Tredici,” he said after a moment, glancing back down at the laptop and going back to
typing. I just stared at him, trying to decipher his cryptic comments.
“Are you telling me my luck just ran the fuck out?” I asked hesitantly. He sighed loudly.
“Not just yours, son,” he mumbled. My brow furrowed and I was about to ask for some
clarification when he started speaking again. “And just to warn you, I just turned on the
cameras downstairs and in the hallways. So no snorting powder in my living room, you
know I don’t like that shit and I will be watching.”
I stared at him for a moment, feeling the anxiety in my chest. If he had the cameras on
there was no way I’d be able to sneak off and spend time alone with Isabella without him
seeing. I started to panic a bit inside at that fact, irrationally wondering if that was the
fucking reason he did it. Damnit, did he really fucking know? How could he have figured it
out so soon? Is that why our luck was running out?
“I don’t do coke,” I mumbled, offended although I had no right to be. He glanced up at me

and cocked an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes. “Anymore,” I amended quickly. Yeah, I
fucking snorted coke, give me a break. I didn’t plan on doing it again.
He smiled lightly. “Good. I’d hate to have to hire a plastic surgeon to fix that pretty face of
yours when you disfigure it from blowing out your nose. I saw a girl once who completely
destroyed hers; she looks like she has a pig’s snout now. I’ll have to show you the pictures
sometime so you can see the destruction it can cause.”
I groaned. “Christ, I don’t need a fucking intervention. I said I was done with it. And why’d
you turn the cameras on?” I asked. His brow furrowed and he gave me a strange look like it
was a stupid question.
“Don’t I always turn them on when we have visitors?” he asked. I shrugged, feeling like a
goddamn idiot because he always did and in my irrational panic it hadn’t even struck me.
“Speaking of the number thirteen, Edward, are you aware that since you’ve been back in
Forks, you have caused Michael Newton to need exactly thirteen stitches?” he asked.
I groaned, rolling my eyes. Of course he’d fucking find out abut the fight. Dr. Snow would
call my father the moment Newton left the examination room. The nosey bastard was
always ratting me out. “Fuck, look, about Newton. I swear to God I didn’t do that shit just
for the hell of it…” I started, but his hand shot up quickly as he silently told me to shut the
hell up. I stopped trying to explain and just grumbled a bit to myself, knowing if he didn’t
want to fucking hear my explanation, he wouldn’t listen and spouting it off was a waste of
damn time.
“When I was first called about Michael going to the hospital from the Halloween party and
told that you’d evidently bloodied him up pretty good, I’ll admit I was fuming. My first
reaction was to call you and tell you to pack your shit because I was sending you straight
back to Grand River Academy. But I knew I couldn’t send you away, not now, because I’m
going to need you around here. That doesn’t mean you get out of being punished for it,
though, Edward. You need to learn to control that damn temper of yours before you find
yourself in serious trouble again,” he said. I sighed, shaking my head. He was right but I
wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. But then again, I was never in a fucking mood for a
lecture.
“So what’s my punishment?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. “Are you taking the fucking
car?”
He laughed dryly. “And have to drive your ass around? Not in the mood for that this week,
sorry son.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, glad he wasn’t taking the Volvo at least. “Then what?”
He sighed and continued to type for a moment. He stopped and leaned back in his chair,
looking up at me, “I need a favor.”
My eyes narrowed slightly. He was asking me for a fucking favor? That can’t be good.
“What kind of favor?” I asked suspiciously.
He was quiet, seemingly contemplating something. “I need someone to keep an eye on

Isabella at night.” My eyes widened in shock, as I was completely caught off guard. I didn’t
know what type of favor to expect but it sure as hell wasn’t for him to ask me to keep an eye
on her.
“You want me to spy on her?” I asked incredulously, not fucking understanding his request.
Had she done something I didn’t know about? He sighed, shaking his head.
“No, I don’t need you to spy on her. She’s given me no reason to distrust her. But I do need
someone to watch her and make sure she stays safe.” My brow furrowed, my eyes
narrowing.
“Why wouldn’t she be safe?” I asked immediately with confusion, suddenly feeling that
fucking fear and anger boiling inside of me at the idea of her being in danger. I was
protective over her, I couldn’t help it.
He leaned forward and started typing on the laptop again, looking away from me. “James
has taken any interest in her evidently. I caught him touching her in the kitchen earlier.”
My eyes widened and the rage boiled over, consuming me instantly. He fucking laid one of
his scummy calloused no-good hands on my girl? On MY fucking girl? That motherfucker
was dead. “What the fuck did he do to her?” I yelled, standing up so quickly I thrust the
chair back. My dad glanced up immediately, looking quite shocked by my outburst. I knew
I needed to try to play it cool but I was fucking pissed. No one touches her when she doesn’t
want to be touched.
“He didn’t harm her, calm down,” he said, all fucking nonchalant. His tone only pissed me
off even more. “I walked in the kitchen and saw him standing behind her, running his hand
down her side. His advances were obviously unwanted, as she was crying. I handled it
though.”
“You handled it? That’s all you got to fucking say, that you fucking handled it? Why the
fuck is he still here?” I spat. I started pacing in front of his desk, clenching my fists and jaw,
trying to fight back the urge to fucking hit someone or something.
“Yes, I handled it. Christ, Edward, what the hell has gotten into you? Did I not just tell you
a minute ago that you needed to control your temper?” he asked. I turned to glare at him,
noticing he was watching me suspiciously. I groaned and flopped back down in the chair,
still clenching my fists but trying to relax. God, I was already going to spoil everything with
my damn reactions.
“You know I don’t like that shit, it makes me want to kill someone when they do that to
women,” I mumbled, staring at the wall beside his ear. It gave the illusion of eye contact
without actually fucking having to look him in the eye. I saw him nod from my peripheral.
“I know, I get that. But I need you to get yourself under control because I need your help
this week. I can’t have you going all vigilante on me. Look, I’m going to be honest with you.
I don’t trust James at all. I think he’s up to something, he’s got ulterior motives. He’s a rat
and I don’t exactly know what he’s playing at but it’s not good. He has absolutely no respect
and I want him nowhere near my home. I’d get rid of him in a heartbeat if I could, but the
fact of the matter is I can’t. Aro thinks very highly of him, always has, and is blinded by the
fact that he’s technically family to him.”
I glanced at him with surprise. “James is related to Aro?” He sighed.
“I’m a bit surprised you don’t remember him. James’s mother was married to Aro’s
brother, so he’s Aro’s step-nephew.”
I stared at him in shock when it all clicked. “That’s the same scrawny little shithead that
used to follow Emmett around like he was a fucking God?” I asked with disbelief. I clearly
remembered Aro’s step-nephew from when we were kids in Chicago, except he went by
Jamie back then. He was a small kid, skinny as a toothpick and weak. He used to always be
on Emmett’s heals like a fucking puppy dog and Emmett hated it, would always whine and
complain about how annoying he was. Mom always scolded him for it though, telling
Emmett that we need to look out for those who aren’t as strong as us, that a little patience
and understanding was essential when people looked up to us and we should use our power
and influence to help those less able.
He smiled lightly. “Yeah, very same one. You know Aro has no blood family left, both his
brother and his sister and most of their families have been murdered over the years, and
Aro has no kids himself. That’s why he was always so fixated on you--you were the closest
thing to a son he had. His godson. Getting him to believe that James is a true threat won’t
be an easy task, but I’m telling you right now—that’s exactly what he is. He’s a threat to the
entire organization, and he’s now a threat to all of us personally. He’s already laid a hand
on something that doesn’t belong to him. He touched my property inside my house. That’s
disrespectful and I won’t allow it. I nearly slit his fucking throat, was so pissed off that I
accidentally caused Isabella to burn herself when I pulled him off of her,” he rattled off.
“She burned herself?” I asked, immediately concerned that she was hurt. He nodded.
“Yes, but she’s fine. It was superficial. You know I wouldn’t be asking this of you if I didn’t
feel it was necessary. I know you aren’t exactly a people-person Edward and playing
bodyguard to a teenage girl isn’t your idea of fun. I would’ve asked one of your brothers but
the fact of the matter is I need someone that won’t hesitate to pull the trigger if needed be.
I’m not entirely sure what he’s capable of but I can’t take any chances. You understand
what I’m saying?”
He was staring at me expectedly, his eyebrows raised. His expression was completely
serious, no kidding in his voice. He was asking me to watch her because he knew out of all
of his kids, I’d be the one with enough balls to shoot that mother fucker if that’s what it
came down to. And he was right, I would. I’d kill for her, there was no doubt about it.
“I understand,” I said calmly, nodding. He nodded and stared at me for a moment before
opening his desk drawer. He pulled out a key on a key ring and tossed it across the desk at
me. I caught it and looked at him questioningly.
“It’s the key to Isabella’s bedroom. I told her to go up there and keep the door locked. I
know how you are about your room with not letting people in it and figured you could
spend a few days sleeping on her couch. You know, punishment and all for those thirteen
stitches,” he said. He smiled lightly after a moment. “I don’t think she snores but no
promises. Would serve you right if she did.”
I rolled my eyes but nodded. I knew she didn’t fucking snore, but she did talk in her sleep. I
wasn't telling him that, though. We sat there quietly for a moment, both of us deep in
thought. “Do you think he could be really that much of a danger?” I asked, a little surprised
that my father was resorting to such drastic measures.
He nodded. “We’ve got a lot of trouble brewing in Chicago. The feds have already taken
down 14 of our men on murder and RICO charges and we’ve got a guy singing like a canary
to keep himself off of death row. With the distraction of the justice department trying to
bring down the organization, there’s little focus on other things going on within the walls of
the fortress, so-to-speak. I don’t know who James is in bed with and what he’s after, but I
know he’s crooked and I have a feeling it has something to do with me.”
My brow furrowed. “Why would he have a vendetta against you?” I asked. He shrugged.
“I don’t know if it’s a vendetta per say, don’t know if it’s personal or if he’s simply trying to
make some moves within the business for more power. But I do believe he’s zeroing in on
me, as I think the last woman that I brought into this house was planted here by him.”
I stared at him with shock. “She was a fucking spy? Christ, and here I thought you were just
fucking the bitch.”
He stared at me for a moment with his brow furrowed before he laughed and shook his
head. “Why would you think that?”
I shrugged. “I dunno, I guess just the looks you were giving her. Shit was all tense and it
was uncomfortable being in the same room with the two of you sometimes.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “I thought you knew me better than that, Edward. I was
watching her because there was something off with her. Do you really think I’d do that to a
woman, that I’d use her for sex? I’ve told you many times and tried to instill in you boys
that sexual assault was wrong, that you should never touch a woman without her consent.
So why would you think that I’d turn around and do it myself?”
I sighed. “ I know. Christ, dad, I didn’t think you were raping her. I figured the shit was
consensual or something.”
He smiled, shaking his head. “You really think she would willing want to have sex with me?
No way.”
I shrugged and looked away slightly, staring at the wall behind him for a moment. “I don’t
know, I guess. You don’t think that’s possible?”
“For a slave and her owner to have an intimate relationship?” he asked, raising his
eyebrows. I nodded slightly, hesitantly. He sighed and was quiet for a moment, glancing
down at his desk. He looked to be deep in thought. “It’s possible, but not probable. He’d
have to be a compassionate man and treat her kindly, and she’d have to have a big heart to
be able to accept him for who he was. It would take a strong sort of woman to be able to
look at her owner as simply a man and not a master. To look past the situation and see him
for who he is inside and not what he is. But you know, just because it could happen, doesn’t
necessarily mean it should happen. You’d be inviting trouble into your life and
complicating things by blurring the lines. Mixing worlds together like that is just asking for
heartache, people get hurt that way. Is a bit of pleasure really worth the potential pain? I’m
not sure. Depends on the woman, I suppose. I know I’m not interested in inviting any more
bullshit into our lives, though.”
I nodded. “So basically… you wouldn’t have fucked her even if she wanted it?”
He laughed. “No, I wouldn’t have. Janet wasn’t that type of woman anyway, she saw the
world in black and white, and things were either wrong or right, good or bad in her eyes.
She’d didn’t have the brain or heart to see past labels. And as for whether or not she was a
spy, I can’t say she was with complete certainty, but I find it suspicious that James just
happened to have a woman for sale, for quite cheap, when I needed one. She was entirely
too nosy for her own good, kept snooping around in places she shouldn’t have been. You
saw how defiant and disrespectful she was. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt but
when I got the last phone bill I saw a suspicious number on it, from a disposable cell phone
with an Illinois area code. That’s where I drew the line. I’m sure you remember she was in
handcuffs because I’d caught her on surveillance going into the office downstairs again,
which is why I put the locks on it that night. I wasn’t planning on killing the woman, but I
opened the phone bill and when I went to ask her whose number it was she had been
calling, I discovered she was out of her restraints and… I just snapped. I saw her as a threat
to my family.”
I nodded, understanding. “And you think it was James she was calling?”
He shrugged. “Most likely. I called the number myself afterwards, and someone picked up
the line but didn’t speak. I supposed they were waiting on Janet to talk first. She was
definitely up to no good.”
“How long are the guys here for?” I asked.
He shrugged. “A few days, Friday at the latest. This morning the Feds raided one of the
strip clubs we run business through. They didn’t get anything thankfully, but there was
some shipments coming in this week that were supposed to be routed through there that
obviously can’t now. When that happened Aro decided we’d move those operations out
here as the feds haven’t gotten wind of this location so it’s the safest place to run some
things through. It was a spur of the moment decision, he literally declared it and made a
few calls and we were on a plane within an hour. They’ll be in and out of the house at all
hours, so I don’t want Isabella to be left alone at any point.”
“What about during the day when I have school?” I asked. He sighed.
“I’ll be around a bit, and when I can’t be one of your brothers can stay home with her,” he
said. “It doesn’t really matter to me who watches her during the day as long as she’s
watched.”
I nodded. “I just don’t get it, why would he be so interested in Bella?” I asked after a
moment. I mean, I understood the appeal. She fucking won me over and sent my life into a
tailspin the first time I looked at her, but for him to blatantly disrespect my father and try
something in his home? That’s fucking crazy. My father’s eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Who?” he asked. My brow furrowed at his question.
“What do you mean, who? Isabella. Why the fuck is James so interested in her,” I said with
confusion. Who the fuck did he think I was talking about?
“Ah, well, I wasn’t aware that she’d acquired a nickname,” he said nonchalantly. I froze,
furiously wracking my brain, trying to figure out what he was talking about when it struck
me. I’d fucking just called her ‘Bella’ in front of him.
“Bella, Isabella. Just shortened the shit,” I said shrugging. He eyed me for a moment and I
started to panic, worried he was fucking putting the pieces together. God, what the fuck
was wrong with me? One conversation with my father since we started whatever the fuck it
was we were doing and I’d already fucked up and gave him all the hints he’d ever need.
He stared at me, so intensely that it was like he was fucking reading me. I realized he was
looking for my ‘tells’, trying to figure out whether or not I was being honest with him. I sat
still and kept eye contact, knowing squirming or looking away would tell him all he fucking
needed to know.
“Are you sure you don’t call her Bella because of it meaning ‘Beautiful’?” he asked. I just
stared at him. I knew I couldn’t lie, he’d see right through it. I needed to find a way to evade
answering.
“Do you call Rosalie Rose because she fucking smells nice?” I asked after a moment,
cocking an eyebrow at him. He smiled and shook his head.
“I don’t know why James is interested in, uh, Bella is it?” he said, still smiling. I rolled my
eyes and he chuckled. He was fucking mocking me, found it goddamn funny. “Maybe it’s
just to provoke me. He’s the type that does things simply for thrills. The only reason he
breaks the law is because it’s exciting and he knows it’s wrong, it’s like a high for him. I
imagine women would likely be the same. He wants her because he can’t have her,” he said.
I nodded, feeling the anger boiling up again. I’d already made my dad suspicious enough
for one goddamn conversation though so I fought it back, clenching my fist and keeping a
straight face. “I should’ve guess this would happen, but even so there wasn’t anything I
could do about it.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly. “You could’ve kept her up in her room so he wouldn’t have
even known she was here.”
He stared at me moment. “Since when do we hide the help away? They were around Nona
and Janet on visits.”
I groaned. “Yeah well, neither of them were sixteen year old girls,” I said, irritated.
He sighed. “Even if I wanted to hide her away, I couldn’t have. They knew she was here.
Aro would’ve inquired about her eventually and would’ve wanted to see her. I figured it was
better for her to come down to them than for them to go seeking her out. I tried to make it
easy on her and I should’ve dismissed her right away and told her to go upstairs but I didn’t
want to pique James’s curiosity by treating her differently than I usually would a slave. It’s
the same reason I didn’t call her to tell her we were coming. I didn’t know they’d want to
come to the house tonight, figured I’d be able to give her a bit of warning tonight about
them when I got home. By the time I realized it, it was too late to warn her as James was in
the car with me, and calling her would’ve raised red flags. I don’t think James realizes who
she is and I’d rather he not figure it out.”
My brow furrowed and I stared at him with confusion. Why the fuck would Aro want to see
her? He wasn’t the type to give a shit about the help. And what did he mean by James not
knowing who she is? “Who is she?” I asked suspiciously.
He stared at me for a moment, his face blank. “Excuse me?”
“You said James doesn’t realize who she is. What do you mean by that?” He shrugged
nonchalantly and I groaned. “Is her father fucking important or something? Is that what
you’re talking about? You don’t want him knowing where you got her from?”
He sighed and was quiet for a moment, obviously contemplating what to fucking tell me.
“He knows I purchased a sixteen year old slave child from Charles Swan and that’s all he
needs to know. And how did you know he was her father? I don’t recall ever telling you
that.”
I shrugged. “She may have mentioned it,” I mumbled.
“I’m surprised she’d tell you that,” he said. “Charles didn’t exactly acknowledge her as his
daughter and wouldn’t admit it out loud, although the jackass was well aware that he
fathered her. Not many people know that little piece of information, Aro and I may actually
be the only ones within the organization that do. Charles’s wife only just found out, which
is why he got rid of Isabella.”
“So I guess he is important, if whether or not he fathered a kid would matter to anyone in
the outfit.”
He shrugged. “Charles’s father was a made-man, monitored our interests in the casinos in
Las Vegas for awhile. Him and his wife are dead now. Charles is just an associate, he’s
never actually been brought into the fold. He runs a pretty significant forgery and identity
theft ring, though, one his father started years back. He’s actually the one that produced
that fake ID you love so much. I wouldn’t exactly call Charles important to us, though, as
he’s always replaceable. But regardless, none of that matters. Who Isabella is honestly is
irrelevant. James has set his eyes on her and she needs to be guarded for that simple
reason.”
I nodded, so he’d know I was listening. It still really didn’t make any fucking sense to me
what would make Isabella so special that Aro would want to see her, but I knew he wasn’t
going to tell me. He already wasn’t being completely straight with me, as he was rattling on
about shit only to give me half-assed answers to be evasive. “Okay, whatever. It’s fine. I’ll
watch her,” I said, shrugging. He nodded and closed his laptop.
“Good. Let’s go down for dinner and then you can take her a plate up,” he said, standing up
and pushing his chair in. I stood up, running my hand through my hair, a bit stunned by
the conversation. I’d come up here freaking out and he actually just fucking made things
easier on me without realizing it.
He headed for the door and I followed him. He paused for a moment, turning to me. “Do
you need me to get you a gun downstairs?” he asked quietly. I shook my head no.
“I’ve got one out in the car,” I said, shrugging. I liked my gun, I much preferred it as I was
comfortable with it. His eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Do you, now? And how long has the aforementioned gun been in your car?” he asked.
I smirked. “How long has the aforementioned car been mine?”
He shook his head. “You waste no time, do you?” he mumbled. He took a detour into his
bedroom, not even bothering to wait around for my response. I lingered there for a
moment before walking slowly toward the steps. I took a few deep breaths on my walk
down, wanting to level myself before I had to face that sick fucker James. I wanted to
pound the shit out of him for laying a hand on Isabella, for obviously scaring her. I mean,
fuck, he made her cry! It’s no damn wonder she hadn’t looked happy when I got home.
I hesitated in the foyer, really not in the fucking mood to deal with any of them. I could
hear Aro talking in the living area. They were discussing business, the new indictments
against some of their men. I heard footsteps on the stairs behind me after a bit and turned
around, spotting my father and brothers. Emmett headed straight for the guys and Jasper
went into the kitchen. Dad stopped in front of me and held out a tube of burn cream.
“Make sure she puts this on her hand later,” he said. I sighed and nodded, taking it from
him and slipping it into my pocket. He walked into the living area and announced to the
men that it was time to eat.
I heard them all start scampering toward the table, obviously all of them fucking hungry. I
moseyed into the kitchen as Jasper was grabbing the food, helping out since Isabella was
upstairs. I stopped him and grabbed a plate, slapping some food on it quickly. I put it in the
fridge while Jasper took the rest of the food to the table. I made my way over to them after
a moment, slipping into a chair on the end of the table beside Jasper. James pulled out the
chair across from me and sat down, leaning back and watching me curiously. I narrowed
my eyes at him, silently begging him to fucking say something disrespectful to me, to give
me a goddamn reason to stand up and bust him in the fucking mouth. They started helping
themselves to food and I grabbed a bit, not really fucking hungry. I just wanted to get
upstairs and make sure Isabella was okay.
I scooted the food around on my plate with my fork, trying to ignore the glare James was
giving me. She’d made my favorite fucking meal of hers and normally I’d tear it up but I
just had no appetite. They were all chatting away but I was in no mood to add to the
conversation. I didn’t give a fuck about any of it.
“So, Edward,” Aro said eventually. I paused the movement of my fork and glanced over at
him, raising an eyebrow and wondering what the fuck he wanted. “You’ll be eighteen in a
few months, any idea of what you plan to do?” He smiled brightly, not even hiding his
fucking hope that I planned on coming to Chicago to work for him. Six weeks ago I
wouldn’t have fucking hesitated, I would’ve declared I’d be there the goddamn day I turned
18, but shit was different now. I had no idea what the hell my future held, where I’d end up,
but I wasn’t just thinking about myself now. I was thinking about the beautiful girl two
stories up, locked away in her fucking room like a prisoner. I had no idea how the hell I was
ever going to change that, how her and I were ever going to be able to have a real life
together, but I was determined to find a fucking way.
I sat quietly, unsure of what the fuck to say. Dad cleared his throat after a moment.
“Edward’s free to choose what he wants to do with his life, but I’d like to think he’d hang
around here until he at least graduates high school.”
James laughed dryly and my head snapped in his direction, my eyes narrowing even more.
What the fuck was that jackass laughing about? “School’s useless. What’s a diploma going
to get you these days? A job at McDonalds? It’s a waste of time. There’s money to be made
out there, and no piece of paper from some petty little high school will matter a bit when it
comes down to it,” he said, shaking his head and laughing to himself. I felt the anger rising
up again as I glared at him.
“A diploma may not matter in our line of work, but it’s not about the piece of paper. It’s
about finishing what you started, being dedicated and not selling out. Nothing is worse
than a opportunist,” my dad said sharply. I glanced at him, my eyebrows raising in
surprise. I knew damn well he wasn’t fucking talking about me graduating high school
anymore. That was a direct fucking shot at the asshole across from me.
“I wouldn’t say it was being an opportunist, I’d say it was more like wising up and changing
your priorities,” James said nonchalantly, shrugging.
“Maybe your priorities shouldn’t change when you’re on a path you swore you’d stay on,”
my dad snapped. “Edward’s mother would want him to stay dedicated and see it through.”
My eyes widened and I glanced at my father, slightly stunned that he’d bring mom up.
James shrugged again. “But Elizabeth’s not here, now is she? So what does it matter what
she’d want?”
There was a collective gasp around the table and my dad stood up quickly, his chair flying
backwards and crashing to the ground. “Don’t you fucking say her name, you goddamn
scarafaggio! And it does matter because you never fucking disregard your family! You
always stay loyal!”
Aro stood up and grabbed my Dad’s arm, pulling him out of the room. They left and I just
sat there, fucking stunned that my dad just snapped like that. I glanced around the table,
noticing everyone but James looked just as shocked as I did. I narrowed my eyes at James,
as he was smiling to himself smugly. Now that I knew who he was I could still see hints of
the pesky little shithead in him.
My father and Aro returned after a moment, sitting back down. Neither one looked happy.
They went back to eating without saying a word, the only sound in the room being that of
clanking forks on plates. It started to get on my nerves and I was pushing the food around
furiously, having not even taken a single bite. My temper was flaring and I was dangerously
close to exploding.
It got to be too much after a moment and I dropped my fork. It hit the plate with a long
clink and everyone glanced over at me. “May I be excused?” I asked coldly, gritting my
teeth.
“Yes,” my father said simply. I pushed my chair back roughly and threw my napkin on top
of my plate, turning around and heading out of the room quickly. I didn’t give a shit about
cleaning up after myself at the moment, someone else could fucking do it. I headed for the
front door immediately, pulling my keys out of my pocket and hitting the button to unlock
my car doors. I opened the drivers side and reached down under the seat, pulling out the
glock. I slipped it into my waistband and pulled my shirt down over it, closing the Volvo
back up and going back inside. I went into the kitchen and grabbed Isabella’s plate,
popping it in the microwave for a minute. I headed upstairs when it was finished, taking
the steps quickly. I wanted to see her, make sure she was okay. I paused when I reached her
door, grabbing the knob and trying to turn it. It was locked of course, which made me
happy that she’d listened to my father. I knocked lightly and listened, hearing no sound
inside the room. I knocked once more and still no sound. I called her name and got no
answer, and was immediately a bit worried. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the
key my dad gave me, unlocking the door and pushing it opened slowly.
I stepped inside and heard the water running in the bathroom, immediately fucking
relieved that she was okay at least. I hesitated, wondering what the fuck I was supposed to
do. I didn’t want to impose and force myself in her room while she was in the shower but at
the same time I didn’t want to stand out in the goddamn hallway and wait on her. I sighed
after a moment and sat the plate down on the table, shutting her door quietly and locking
it. I grabbed the remote and turned to the TV, flipping through channels to find something
to watch while I waited.
The water shut off in the bathroom after a moment and the door opened. I heard Isabella
yelp and I turned to look at her, smirking. My dick started to harden immediately when I
saw the creamy exposed skin on her legs and her collarbones, as she was wearing nothing
but a goddamn skimpy white robe. Jesus, she was fucking beautiful.
She looked startled by my presence and I immediately wondered if I fucked up, if maybe I
shouldn’t have come in. I showed her the key and she was stunned that I had it but didn’t
seem mad at least, and I explained to her about how my dad wanted me to keep an eye on
her for a few days. I started telling her about the cameras around the house and fucking
said too much, slipping up that I snuck into her room. She caught it before I even realized
what the fuck I’d said and called me out on it. I swear she was too fucking perceptive for
her own good. I tried to change the subject and pointed out her food but she just fucking
asked me again, obviously not dropping it. She was a lot like me when it came to being
persistent—I hadn’t let her get away with avoiding the subject of her favorite color and she
wasn’t going to let me get away with avoid the subject of my sneaking into her room.
I gave her a half-assed answer and she looked like she was going to argue, obviously
wanting to know the truth. She was still standing there in nothing but that goddamn robe,
which was causing my dick to throb, begging for some release. I wasn’t ashamed to admit
that I’d been jacking off more the past week than ever before, but it seemed like that only
made it worse. My body was craving a female’s touch, my dick begging to feel the inside of
a soft pink pussy. Damn what I wouldn’t give to explore that body of hers. All it would take
would be to undo that one little loop on the belt holding her robe on and she’d be naked for
me. Fuck, even thinking about it made my pants swell even more.
I couldn’t fucking be doing that, I needed to control myself. It was a total asshole move to
even be thinking those things about her; she was nowhere close to being ready for that
kinda shit. It would be a long time until she was, if ever. I didn’t know how I was going to
do it, how I was going to go so long without sex. I was used to having the shit constantly,
any time I wanted it. And it would be so fucking easy to pick up the phone and call one of
the bitches from school and they’d scamper over here in a heartbeat and take care of my
problem. But I didn’t want that, fuck I couldn’t do that. Hell, I was quite sure I wouldn’t
fucking be able to perform for any of them anyway. Last few times I even tried the shit
didn’t work out, and that was before I actually started anything with the beautiful creature
in front of me. I loved this girl and if that meant going without than I was just going to go
without, even if it meant my balls turning so blue they’re goddamn purple and my dick
shriveling up and wasting away from lack of use.
Okay, so I was exaggerating. I was a normal hormonal teenage boy so there would be such
thing as lack of use. But I was quite sure I was going to get carpel tunnel and fuck up my
wrist if I kept wacking off as much as I have been.
I didn’t want her to get dressed, never wanted her to fucking cover herself up, but if she
stayed like that much longer I knew I wouldn’t be able to control myself. So I suggested she
get dressed and she glanced down, fucking stunned that she was so exposed. I chuckled,
surprised myself. I mean, when the hell did she get so comfortable with me that she could
stand there in that small ass robe that barely covered her lady parts? Hell, maybe she was
more comfortable than I thought, maybe she’d let me explore her body sooner than I
originally believed.
She got embarrassed and blushed, practically apologizing for being indecent. I chuckled, as
she was right. It was definitely indecent, so indecent I was having a hard time controlling
my urges. She turned to go into the bathroom to get dressed and I watched as her hips
swayed slightly, the robe exposing the back of her thighs nearly the whole way up to the
curve of her ass. My eyes lingered there for a bit and I watched as she walked away,
wondering if her ass was as soft as the rest of her. I wondered how it would feel to run my
hands over the swell of it, grip those swaying hips as I plunged my dick inside of her. She
was so petite and pure, I bet she’d be fucking tight. God, I wondered what she’d sound like,
what noises she’d make. Would she be a screamer, or would she be one of those soft
moaners, purring like a fucking kitten?
Knock it the fuck off Cullen, I mentally scolded myself when she closed the door,
disappearing from sight. I needed to stop having those damn thoughts, needed to get
myself under control. If I even ever tried any shit with her when I was in this state of mind
I’d scare her and hurt her. I couldn’t do that shit, I couldn’t just fuck her. She was afraid of
sex and me acting like a savage animal would only deepen her fear of it. She wasn’t that
type of girl anyway, she was worth more and deserved hell of a lot more than that. She
deserved to be made love to, to be cherished and worshiped like a fucking goddess. I had to
be patient with her, which was really fucking hard as I’d never had to be patient or wait for
something I wanted before.
I was going to have to figure out how to work her up to that point, how to get her
comfortable with intimacy. Yes, I wanted to have sex with her someday, I can’t fucking lie. I
loved her. If sex is that damn great with no emotional attachment I imagine it had to be a
hundred times better when you’re fucking in love with the other person. But it really wasn’t
all about getting my dick wet. I wanted her to experience the great things in life with me,
wanted to make her feel good. I’d never had to work at making a girl feel good, wasn’t sure
how to start. But I was determined to find a way to get us there. And I knew it would fall on
my shoulders, as there was no way she’d ever take the lead.
Frankly, I had no fucking idea what I was doing. I stood there, not moving from my spot,
trying to shift my dick around in my pants because it was hard and uncomfortable. Isabella
came back out of the bathroom and I didn’t move, as I felt like I was invading her space.
This was the first time I’d been in her room to just hang out and felt out of place. I mean,
she hadn’t even fucking invited me in, I just busted in the room and declared she was
fucking stuck with me.
She mentioned me sitting down and I obliged, glad she wasn’t asking me to leave or
whatever. I pulled the cream out that dad had given me and fixed her hand up. I knew she
was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, she’d suffered a lot fucking worse than a
simple burn and trudged on, but I liked doing it for her. I felt protective and wanted to
personally take care of all that ails her. It was my way of showing her that I cared about her
well-being.
After I fixed her hand up we shared a pretty heavy kiss. She pulled away from me at first,
freaking out about the cameras in the house, but I explained to her that we were safe in the
bedroom, that no one would see. I was pretty fucking proud that she’d thought about it
though. She was cautious, I had to give her credit for that. I’d made more fucking mistakes
so far than she had. The feeling of her fingers running through my hair as I kissed her, her
hands pulling my head toward her caused those fucking hormones to resurface and I
groaned, pushing her backwards onto her back. I hovered overtop of her and kissed her
furiously, intoxicated by her. She pulled away after a moment and gasped for air, but it was
too soon. I wasn’t ready to let go, wasn’t ready to back off. Fuck I knew I needed to, I didn’t
want to push her too far, but I needed more. I brought my lips down and started kissing on
her neck. She was soft and warm, her skin sweet and oh-so-fucking clean from her shower.
She got goose bumps and a soft noise escaped her lips, almost a moan. I realized that she
was definitely a fucking purer, that I’d make her whimper and moan and softly cry out.
Shit, just thinking about it turned me on even more. My dick was throbbing hard, fucking
begging for attention. She smelled heavenly, so fucking good that I almost wanted to bite
her and really taste her. She wouldn’t be into that kinky shit though, that wasn’t her. That
would be fucking cruel, I could never do that shit to her, not with her skewed view of sex. I
could never be rough with her, I’d have to be slow and gentle.
The problem, however, is Edward Cullen has never fucking done slow and gentle. Edward
Cullen fucks girls silly, wildly, because he knows that’s what he’s good at.
I got so caught up in the moment, kissing her passionately, that I didn’t even realize my
fucking hand started roaming up her bare thigh until I felt her tense up. I realized what was
going on and pulled back quickly, apologizing. She smiled and told me not to apologize for
touching her, unaware that it was much more than that. I was apologizing because I was
thinking with my dick, letting my hormones lead me when I’d fucking promised her
otherwise.
She finished eating and I put on a movie. The gun in my waistband was digging into me a
bit now from shifting around on the couch so I stood up and pulled it out, lying it on the
table. I glanced over and saw Isabella staring at it with shock, obviously not entirely
comfortable with guns. I tried to explain to her that it was for her safety, better safe than
sorry, and offered to teach her to shoot sometime. With the lifestyle we’re involved in, it’s
frankly stupid not to know how to shoot a gun. Jasper fucking hates them but even he can
shoot a target if needed be. The problem, however, is Jasper rarely would fucking consider
it necessary. He doesn’t think violence is ever the answer. She looked at me like I was crazy
when I offered to teach her how to shoot, obviously worried about my dad’s reaction. Yeah,
he probably wouldn’t be entirely fucking happy about it but I trusted her, trusted she
wouldn’t use what I taught her to end any of our lives.
I pulled her to me and we snuggled a bit on the couch. Isabella stroked my arm lightly, her
touch sending those tingles through me. She brought up my tattoo and seemed fucking
stunned when I told her I trusted her. I mean, it was a little baffling that she didn’t realize it
and evidently the fact that I wouldn’t let her clean my room or do my laundry told her I
didn’t trust her. That seemed so fucking crazy to me and I tried to explain to her that I
didn’t want to make her do that shit because she was my girl and it simply didn’t feel right.
She sat up to look at me and told me she wanted to do that shit because she basically felt
inadequate, that she didn’t fucking have anything to offer me to keep me interested in her.
I just stared at her, stunned. Did she really think I was going to lose interest in her if she
didn’t do shit for me? She was my fucking life now, there was no way I would ever lose
interest in her. She’s so complex and makes everything feel so fucking fresh and new again,
like I’m experiencing everything in the world for the first time. How could I ever not want
that? She brought light back into my life, light that fucking went out the moment that bullet
ripped through me all those years ago. My world was nothing but darkness until she walked
into it and lit the goddamn sky up like it was the 4th of July. But she didn’t see that, and I
guess it was my own fucking fault because I hadn’t told her. She wasn’t a goddamn mind
reader, although it would make shit a whole lot easier if one of us were so we could finally
get on the same goddamn page.
She looked away quickly, looking nervous. I gripped her chin, pulling her face up so she’d
look at me. I needed to tell her that she had my affection and nothing was going to take it
away, that she didn’t have to do anything but humor me with her company. I knew I wasn’t
that great of a fucking human being to hang out with so just the fact that she put up with
me and let me kiss those plump lips her of hers was plenty to keep me whipped.
Yeah, I admit it. I’m fucking whipped, and it didn’t even take pussy to do it. She got me
wrapped around her pinky just from the sparkle in her chocolate eyes.
I gave her a small brief kiss and tried to explain it to her, make her understand that she
gave me more than I deserved as it was and she didn’t need to do shit for me. I watched as
her eyes welled up with tears and one slipped down her cheek. I wiped it away, my fucking
heart swelling at the sight. I told her I hoped I could be good enough for her, that I could be
what she needed and I meant that shit. As little as she could offer me, I could offer her even
less. I couldn’t make her any promises for the future, couldn’t give her any guarantees. I’d
do my best to find a way for us but there’s no telling what the hell was going to happen. All
I could give her was a place in my heart. I’d do whatever I could to keep her safe but the
fact of the matter was some things were simply out of our hands.
She looked shocked by my words and mumbled that I was too good for her. I laughed,
although I shouldn’t have because she was fucking serious when she said it, but she was so
wrong it was ridiculous. Every good thing about me was material and petty. I looked good
and I was wealthy, so what? When my grandfather died he left us each six million dollars,
half of which I get access to when I turn eighteen in a few months. The rest of it is released
to me when I turn 25. Jasper and Emmett have both already received half of theirs but
neither has touched it because we have no reason to. Dad keeps his bank account loaded
and lets us freely spend whatever we want. None of us are really extravagant though, so it’s
not like we go out and spent hundreds of thousands on cars and shit. So yeah, I could buy
her the world if I wanted, but I was powerless to give her any fucking thing she’d actually
want. And there was so much wrong with me, with my temper and selfishness that she
couldn’t possibly actually enjoy my fucking attitude.
I told her that and she laughed and shook her head. She started rattling on about how she
really saw me and I just stared at her, fucking stunned at how she viewed me. She pointed
out the little shit, the things that I didn’t even give a second thought about and just did
because it felt right to do them. Like share my candy and give her a book. I mean, that shit
was trivial, it wasn’t like I put any great effort into it. It all just seemed like common sense
to do that stuff. But it was evident that it meant a lot to her. She said my bad qualities and
habits don’t make me who I am and it made me think about what my father had said in his
office, how it takes a strong woman with a big heart to be able to see past the labels. I
realized then that she really fucking saw me, and not the person that I was supposed to be.
She didn’t see me as someone who owned her or had power over her. She saw me as merely
a 17-year old boy who was fucking flawed but still had a heart and didn’t want to be a
monster.
I put my arm around her and pulled her to me, wanting to just fucking hold her. I was still
too chicken shit to tell her how I really felt about her, couldn’t get those three goddamn
words to come out. But I wanted to show her and hoped that maybe she could feel it at
least. We talked about James for a bit and I reassured her that she’d be safe and she asked
me what a goomah was. The rage boiled up again but I tried to push that shit down,
knowing I needed to control my fucking temper. Confronting James wasn’t going to help
anything. I tried to explain it to her and not be vulgar or an ass about it, I knew it would be
a sensitive fucking subject since her father apparently keeps her mother around as an
unwilling goomah. She understood what I was getting at and I guess realized I was
treading lightly and told me I could call her a slave, but that word just pissed me the fuck
off. She didn’t label me and I wouldn’t fucking label her--she was much more than that
shit.
I told her that they’d have to kill me before I ever let anyone do that to her and I meant it.
Like my mom said--you have to look out for those who aren’t able to do for themselves. I
knew if my mother was here that’s exactly what she’d tell me. She’d smile that fucking
happy little smile of hers and tell me to be patient and understanding with her, because for
some goddamn reason she looks up to me when I don’t deserve the shit, and she’d tell me
to protect her, because she couldn’t protect herself. Sitting back and being silent never
helps the victim, it always helps the tormentor. Reminds me of the poem we read in
English class, the one about the holocaust called “First They Came”. I barely fucking paid it
any attention at the time and it was odd how I just remembered it, but it made sense to me
now. I guess my brain retained that shit, waiting for the perfect moment to utilize it. If I
don’t stand up for anyone else that needs it, who the fuck is going to stand up for me?
When we were in my dad’s office and he said that just because two people like her and I fell
for each other didn’t mean we should be together, it fucking hurt a bit. It confirmed to me
that he’d never accept it with open arms; he’d see it as too much of a risk for turmoil in his
happy little fucking bubble of a life. He had enough trouble with work, he’d never want
anything even remotely capable of causing trouble in his house. This was his sanctuary,
where he could forget about how ridiculously chaotic the world was. And in a way I could
see his point. It was a big risk and things could be really fucking messy by blurring the
lines. But he had been right. It depended on the girl. And I knew without a doubt that the
beautiful one sitting in front of me was definitely worth it. She was worth every ounce of
potential pain this could cause me.
I realized if my mother had been able to see me the past few years, she’d have been
disappointed. But I knew if she saw me now, she’d approve. She’d be happy that I was
opening myself up and not taking the easy way out. She’d commend me for being strong
enough to take a chance. She’d rattle off her ‘Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica’
nothing ventured-nothing gained bullshit and say something ridiculously cheesy like “go
get ‘em tiger”. Because that’s who my mom was, and what she ever saw in my pessimistic
father I don’t know. Fuck, I guess the same thing Isabella see’s in me, considering I’m a lot
like him and she’s a lot like my mom. L'amore e cieco. Love is Blind. But what I did know
was that if she were alive she’d be fucking proud of me right now, and that was all that
mattered. My mom always saw the good in life and she’d know that what I found with
Isabella was fucking better than just ‘good’.
I loved her, and I’d fucking die for her if I had to because that’s what love was about. It was
all so fast and blindsided me and I’m still trying to deal with it and what it all meant, but I
was sure of one thing: I couldn’t live in a world where she didn’t exist.
She stared into my eyes like she was reading my fucking soul. I didn’t know what she was
looking for, what she was trying to see there, but I hoped like hell that she found it. Because
what I saw in her eyes was what I’d been spending the past nine years searching for without
even knowing it. The spark of life that died with my mother reignited in her.
Her brow furrowed after a bit. “How often do you sneak to my room?” she asked, still
staring into my eyes. I sat there for a moment, staring back. I couldn’t lie to her, I didn’t
want to.
“Every night,” I said.
She stared at me for a bit longer and I waited for her response. I half expected her to slap
me and call me a pervert or something, but she didn’t. She simply laid her head back down
after a moment and snuggled close to me again. I leaned over and kissed the top of her
head lightly, closing my eyes and inhaling her scent. We watched the rest of the movie in
silence, just being together. She fell asleep eventually and I shifted her off of me, being
careful not to wake her. I picked her up gently and took her over to the bed, laying her
down. I set her alarm clock for 6:30, as I had no choice but to fucking go to school in the
morning, and walked over and turned the TV off. I debated at the light switch, hesitating a
moment before turning it off. I knew she slept with the light on but frankly I couldn’t do
that. I’d keep her safe, she didn’t have to be afraid of the dark when I was there. I grabbed
my gun and walked over, sitting it on the bedside table. I crawled into bed beside her,
pulling her to me. She snuggled into my chest and sighed contently as I pulled the blanket
up over us. It was the first time in fucking forever I slept somewhere other than my own
bed and I worried I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, but it was unfounded as I drifted off
quickly with her in my arms.
I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock blaring and shot up quickly, the sound scaring
me as it didn’t fucking sound like mine. I realized where I was and blinked a few times to
clear the fogginess. I turned off the alarm clock and heard Isabella mumbling, turning over.
She as still asleep and smiling, obviously dreaming. I watched her for a moment and felt
my chest swell when she mumbled my name. I leaned over and kissed her cheek lightly
before getting up out of the bed. I grabbed the gun and headed for the door, unlocking it
and slipping out into the hallway. I used the key to relock it and slipped the gun in my
waistband, heading down the stairs. I ran into dad on the second floor and he stared at me
for a moment. He looked fucking exhausted, like he hadn’t gotten any sleep.
“Jasper’s going to stay home with her today,” he mumbled. “And I’ll be around.” I nodded
and turned after a moment, heading down to the first floor. I grabbed a granola bar and
munched on it, getting something to drink and heading back upstairs to my room. I hopped
in the shower quickly and threw on some clothes, my last fucking clean pair of jeans. When
I was dressed and ready I headed back down. I spent a few minutes with Emmett and at
7:30 we got up to head out for school. I spotted Jasper in the kitchen and paused while
Emmett headed outside.
“You take care of her, all right?” I said. He smiled and nodded, throwing his hand up in the
scouts honor sign. I chuckled and shook my head—he had never even fucking been a boy
scout. “And do me a favor and tell her she can go into my room and get my laundry and
wash it, not because she fucking has to but because I’d appreciate it if I had a pair of pants
to wear tomorrow. I’d prefer not to have to fucking go to school wearing just boxers for the
rest of the week.”
Jasper laughed. “I bet Jessica would like that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fuck that bitch,” I said. He laughed some more.
“I’ll pass,” he said, walking away. I shook my head and headed out, climbing into the car
where Emmett was grumbling impatiently.
We drove to school in silence. Emmett didn’t even bother to fuck with my music, which I
appreciated. As soon as we hit the school I climbed out and headed straight for my class,
not bothering to wait on the bell. The first few periods dragged by slowly, and by the time
trigonometry rolled around I was annoyed and missing the shit out of Isabella. Tanya was
sitting behind me as usual, getting on my nerves by sighing and huffing. The teacher was
reviewing for an upcoming test but I knew all the shit already and couldn’t focus on her. I
pulled my phone out of my pocket and started scrolling through it, bored as shit. I paused
on the entry that said Bella Ragazza for a moment, contemplating. I didn’t think she’d ever
used her fucking phone but I knew she kept it charged and on her usually, just in case. I
went to my messages and opened a new text message, plugging her number in from my
address book. I hesitated, unsure of what to say, but typed out “Miss you, tesoro mio”. I
hesitated with my finger over the send button, wondering it were a mistake, but pushed it
after a moment. I sat the phone down on my desk and glanced back up at the teacher,
listening as she rattled on about fucking sine’s and cosine’s, like I’d ever fucking use that
shit.
The class dragged by slowly. I propped my head up with my elbow on my desk and closed
my eyes, fucking bored and her monotone voice was putting me to sleep. I kept opening my
eyes and glancing at the clock, counting down until I could fucking leave. Five minutes
until the bell rung and I heard the loud vibration sound. My eyes snapped open and the
people around me looked over at me, irritated, but I didn’t give a shit. I snatched my phone
up and glanced at the screen: 1 new text message.
I hit the ‘read’ button, my eyes widening in shock. “U 2 Sempre”. I blinked a few times,
fucking stunned.
“Fuck me!’ I said, stunned. The teacher stopped talking and the class grew quiet and I
glanced up, realizing I’d just fucking said that out loud. I groaned. “I didn’t mean that.
Ignore me, continue on,” I mumbled. The teacher stared at me for a moment longer,
obviously knowing she should fucking punish me for disrupting her class with foul
language at that, but she sighed after a moment, resigned.
“I believe we’ll stop there for the day, since Mr. Cullen obviously has his mind elsewhere,”
she said, shaking her head. I rolled my eyes as she went and sat down at her desk. My
classmates started chatting amongst themselves and I glanced back at my phone. I couldn’t
help the fucking smile that came across my lips as I re-read the words. Jasper had to have
helped her with the shit since she didn’t know Italian but that didn’t matter, it was the
fucking sentiment. Sempre. Always.
“Talking to your girl?” Tanya asked, leaning forward and trying to glance over my shoulder
and see my phone. I pulled the phone away so she couldn’t see it and sighed.
“What girl would that be, Tanya?” I asked, irritated. She laughed.
“The little servant girl. I actually heard you kissed her, which I totally don’t believe since
you don’t kiss but still,” she mumbled. I tensed up and felt the anger rushing inside of me.
“Who told you that shit?” I asked, trying to keep my calm. She shrugged.
“Lauren, I think,” she said. I groaned.
“Yeah, well, Lauren’s a schifosa. She’s just fucking mad that I don’t want her,” I mumbled.
Tanya sighed but didn’t respond. She turned and started talking to her friend Kate and I
glanced back at my phone, reading the words once again. I wasn’t going to fucking let
Tanya or the gossip get to me. I was just going to fucking do what I want, and let the chips
fall where they may. I couldn’t do anything to stop it now, anyway.
I opened up a text and typed a message quickly, sending it and putting my phone in my
pocket as the bell rung.
“Sempre, Bella”. Always, beautiful.
*****
Scarafaggio = cockroach
Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica = In life: Nothing ventured-nothing gained
L'amore e cieco = Love is Blind
Schifosa = slang for an ugly girl
Sempre = Always
Chapter 30 Strength
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable
will.” -- Mahatma Gandhi
I sat up and glanced around, squinting and blinking a few times. I brought my hands up to
wipe the sleep from my eyes and glanced over at the alarm clock. It was a few minutes past
8am and I was alone. I realized Edward had to have gotten up and left for school and
somehow managed to not wake me in the process. I’d slept hard last night, harder than I’d
ever remembered sleeping. I only woke up once in the middle of the night, desperately
needing to relieve myself. I didn’t recall going to bed, but when I’d woken up I was asleep
on Edward’s chest with his arms wrapped tightly around me. It was comfortable and I
didn’t want to move from my spot, but my bladder was screaming that I had no choice but
to get up. It took a minute before I could even loosen Edward’s grip on me, as every time I
tried to remove his hands he’d mumble something and squeeze me tighter. I giggled loudly
at one point when I was finally free and he grabbed a hold of me and pulled me back to
him, mumbling ‘can’t have her, my girl’. His voice was gritty from sleep and he sounded so
primal and protective. It oddly warmed my heart and I nearly peed myself from giggling,
stunned that I hadn’t disturbed him by shaking us with my laughter. I finally broke free for
good a moment later and made it to the bathroom without waking him. When I returned he
had been curled up in a ball under the covers. I climbed back in bed beside him, facing him,
and watched him sleep for a few minutes. He looked so relaxed and content, and so utterly
vulnerable. I debated for a moment but brought my hand out and stroked his hair lightly.
He moaned at my touch, shifting himself toward me fractionally. That was the last thing I
recalled until now, so I realized I must’ve drifted right back to sleep.
I threw the covers off of me and climbed out of bed, stretching. I walked over to my closet
and grabbed some clothes, stripping out of my pajamas and slipping them on quickly. I
debated as to whether or not to keep Edward’s football shirt on all day, as I wanted to
because I felt comforted by it, but I knew since Dr. Cullen had company that I should make
myself look as decent as possible. I wasn’t so sure a slave should be wandering around the
house wearing her master’s clothing, even if her master’s are quite giving and
understanding. I had a feeling Dr. Cullen’s visitors might not find it acceptable or proper.
I slipped on a pair of khaki pants and a black long sleeved shirt. I slipped on my black ballet
flat shoes, which had become my favorite item over time. They were so comfortable that I
often forgot I was wearing shoes when I had them on, which was a blessing for someone
still used to being barefoot. I brushed my hair out and slipped it into a low ponytail and the
nape of my neck, giving myself a quick look in the mirror. I was plain, there was no doubt
about it, but I looked presentable at least.
I grabbed my phone and slipped it in my pocket as I usually did. Dr. Cullen was home, of
course, but I stayed in the habit of always having it with me now just in case. The only time
he ever called it was one of the only times I ever went without it, and I didn’t want a repeat
to ever happen. I headed out of the room slowly, making sure to be as quiet as possible. I
hit the second floor and froze, my brow furrowing when I saw Jasper’s bedroom door
hanging wide open. All of the doors in the house were usually always kept shut, regardless
of if anyone was in them or not. I walked over to it slowly, pausing at the doorway and
glancing around. It appeared empty and the light was on. Jasper always said I was allowed
in his room whenever I needed to go in but I still felt as if I was invading his space, so I very
rarely ventured inside.
“Jasper?” I called quietly, hesitantly. There was no answer. I took a step inside and saw his
bathroom door open, confirming that the room was completely deserted. I figured he was
at school but couldn’t understand why he’d left the room so open and exposed. That
definitely wasn’t like him. I flicked the light switch, turning the light off, and took a step out
of the room, closing the door. I turned toward the steps and screamed when I took a step
and collided with a form standing there.
I took a step backwards to recoil away instantly, startled at their appearance. I pressed
myself against the door and shut my eyes tightly, bracing myself for whatever was coming.
I felt hands on my arms after a moment, the touch gentle.
“Isabella? Are you okay?” I peeked my eyes open at the sound of Jasper’s voice and saw
him standing in front of me, a concerned look on his face. It always worried Jasper when I
cowered away from him, although he seemed to understand that it was nothing personal. It
was simply a natural reaction, as I was instinctively trying to protect myself.
“Yeah, sorry,” I mumbled, relaxing myself slightly and moving off of the door. I took a deep
breath and gave him a small smile. “I saw your door was open and it worried me a bit
because you never leave it open. I didn’t expect anyone to be standing there when I turned
around.”
He nodded, obviously understanding. “Sorry I snuck up on you, didn’t mean to.”
I shrugged slightly, silently telling him it was no big deal. I stared at him for a moment, my
brow furrowing. “Aren’t you late for school?” I asked. It was well past 8 and I knew the
boys always left around 7:30. He smiled.
“I get the day off,” he said, shrugging. I stared at him with confusion before it struck me.
“Babysitting duty,” I murmured, suddenly feeling ridiculous that he was missing a day of
school to keep an eye on me. It wasn’t right; it wasn’t fair for him to suffer because I was
weak. Jasper noticed my frown and sighed.
“Calling it babysitting duty suggests that I don’t really want to be here. I much prefer to call
it quality time,” he said. I smiled lightly and nodded, glad that he at least appeared to not
view me as a burden, although I was feeling like one.
“Okay, then. Quality time,” I said. He returned my smile, looking quite pleased. “What
exactly will we be doing during our quality time?”
He laughed. “Well, we will be doing a little bit of cleaning, and then we will be spending
some time in the library, and maybe go outside for a bit before we make dinner. I know,
nothing really exciting, but how’s that sound to you?”
I smiled and nodded. “Sounds fine,” I mumbled.
He returned my smile and turned to head for the stairs to the third floor. I hesitated but
followed him, figuring he was heading for the library first. When we reached the third floor
hallway, however, he headed the opposite direction. I paused briefly but followed him,
unsure of what he was doing. He stopped in front of Edward’s bedroom door and turned to
me, raising his eyebrows.
“Are you okay with going in, or do you want me to do it?” he asked. My brow furrowed in
confusion.
“Why are we going in Edward’s room?” I asked hesitantly, unsure of what he was getting at.
Of course I was comfortable with Edward and trusted him, but I still just couldn’t walk into
his space without permission.
Jasper looked confused by my question for a moment before he smiled. “I guess I forgot to
mention it. Edward needs his laundry done and asked this morning if I’d pass the word on
to you. He said you don’t have to do it but he’d appreciate it, considering he’s officially out
of pants now.” I stared at Jasper, quite shocked that Edward was actually asking me to do
it, especially after our conversation the night before. “So, someone has to go in and get it.
He gave permission for you to, of course, but I don’t know how comfortable you are going
into the, uh, jungle.”
I shrugged, smilingly lightly at his portrayal of Edward’s room. “As long as he said it was
fine, it’s no big deal,” I said. Jasper nodded.
“Good. You get the laundry and I’ll meet you downstairs,” he said.
“Uh, okay,” I mumbled, still stunned. He gave me a quick smile and turned to walk away. I
hesitated in the hallway for a moment before reaching out and turning the knob carefully. I
pushed the door open slowly and took a step inside, glancing around briefly. It was still in
utter chaos, of course, and my eyes fell upon his gun sitting on his bed. I stared at it for a
moment, remembering him offering last night to teach me how to use it someday. I smiled
involuntarily at how much trust that showed, for him to put a deadly weapon in my hand
when I could so easily turn it on him. I’d never do that, of course, but he had to truly trust
me to take that chance.
I looked away from the gun and ignored the mess as I maneuvered my way over to his
immense pile of dirty laundry. I fought back my natural instinct to pick up the random
objects lying on the floor and putting them where they went and instead stepped over them
or around them. He’d given me permission to do his laundry but hadn’t said anything
about me touching the rest of his stuff. Regardless of everything we had going on, he was
still finicky and I didn’t want to cross any lines.
I grabbed his hamper, which was oddly empty. I didn’t exactly understand why he’d throw
all of his dirty clothes on the floor when he had a perfectly good hamper for them to go in,
but I imagined that was just Edward. He was a bit quirky that way—his mess oddly had a
bit of organization to it. Things may not be where they’re supposed to be, but they were
somewhere he could likely easily find them if needed be.
I separated through his clothes quickly, grabbing all the darks and throwing them in the
hamper. I made a pile of whites and another pile of light collared clothing to wash later.
There were some sheets piled up in the corner and I stared at them for a moment,
contemplating if I should touch them, but decided against it after a moment. I wasn’t sure
why they were there and didn’t want to touch anything without him telling me to.
I pulled the full hamper out into the hallway and closed Edward’s bedroom door. I pulled
the hamper down the hallway and down the steps to the second floor, freezing when I hit
the second set of stairs. Dr. Cullen was coming up them with the guy named Laurent with
him. I stepped to the side and stared down at the ground, waiting for them to pass before I
headed down. When they reached the second floor Dr. Cullen glanced over and spotted me.
“Good morning, Isabella,” he said politely, albeit a bit cold and formal, slightly unlike how
he usually greeted me. I realized he was being proper because of his guests, treating me
with indifference. It wasn’t surprising—I guess what was surprising is the fact that he didn’t
always treat me that way.
“Good morning to you also, sir,” I said, glancing up at him and making sure my voice was
clear so not to look disrespectful.
“Don’t bother with my office today, I’ll be working in it,” he said. I nodded.
“Yes, sir,” I said. He nodded and headed for his office door. I glanced over at the other guy,
who was giving me a strange look. I glanced away from him quickly, staring back at the
ground. They headed into Dr. Cullen’s office and I headed down the steps quickly to the
first floor with the hamper. I went straight into the laundry room and Jasper walked in
behind me, holding out an unopened bottle of water.
“Thought you’d be thirsty,” he said, smiling. I smiled and thanked him quickly, opening it
and taking a drink. I sat it down and started the washer up, putting Edward’s clothes in
while Jasper headed back out into the living area. After that was done I headed for the
kitchen, putting the dishes into the dishwasher and starting it up. After Edward’s mishap
that day where we got bubbles everywhere, we’d figured out how operate it correctly, which
made doing the dishes so much easier on me. So easy, in fact, it almost felt like cheating.
I wiped down the counters and made sure the kitchen was decent before heading out to the
living area. I straightened up a bit and wiped down the dining room table.
“Want me to help?” Jasper offered after a moment. He’d been just standing around and
watching me, looking quite bored.
“No, thank you for the offer though. You can go do something, I can handle this by myself.
You don’t have to watch, I imagine it has to be boring,” I said, shrugging. He sighed.
“You’re awfully stubborn, you know,” he murmured. I glanced at him with surprise and he
smiled. “You are. Someone offers you help and you turn them down. Who does that?”
I shrugged. “Did you ever offer to help the other women clean up?” I asked, eyeing him
curiously. Jasper was a nice guy, but I didn’t really take him for the type to clean just for
the heck of it. He stared at me for a moment before shaking his head no. “Okay, then.
There’s nothing special about me, Jasper. I may be younger than they were but I’m still just
like them. You don’t have to treat me like a child; I’ve never actually ever felt like a child.
I’m used to this--don’t worry. I can handle my responsibilities.”
He sighed and looked down, appearing upset by my words. I watched him for a moment
curiously but didn’t want to pry by asking him what he was thinking. I finished up my
cleaning quickly and turned back to Jasper, who was still just standing there. “I think I’m
done, anyway,” I said, shrugging, hoping he’d cheer up. He smiled lightly and nodded.
“Good. Let’s head up to the library,” he suggested. I nodded and gave one more quick
glance around before following Jasper out and toward the steps. I followed him up to the
library and I sat down at the small table inside. Jasper walked over to the desk and grabbed
a pencil and some paper before coming over and sitting down across from me. He pushed
the paper and pencil toward me, smiling. “We can practice with writing,” he said, his voice
not sounding demanding but more suggestive. I realized he was giving me the option, that I
could decline and he’d have no problem with it. I smiled lightly and nodded, picking up the
pencil.
I put the point to the paper and hesitated. “What should I write?” I asked, glancing up at
him. He shrugged.
“Just start with your name, that’s always a safe bet,” he suggested. I nodded and turned
back to the paper and started writing my name. It was shaky, the letters too big for the
lines, but it was legible at least. I wrote ‘Isabella Marie Swan’ and glanced up at Jasper. He
smiled. “You really aren’t that bad, you know. And practice makes perfect, so you’ll be
writing novels in no time. You can write my name next.”
I glanced back at the paper and hesitated. “J-a-s-p-e-r?” I asked, sounding it out in my
head and guessing. He chuckled.
“Right on the dot. You’re better than you give yourself credit for,” he said. I smiled and
started writing out his first name, slightly proud that I’d guessed correctly. “My middle
name is Whitlock,” he said after a moment before proceeding to spell it out. I glanced up at
him with surprise at the unusual name and he shrugged at my expression. “You’ll have to
ask my father where that one came from, as I had nothing to do with it,” he said, smiling. I
nodded and went back to the paper, writing his middle name. I wrote out his last night and
he looked at me questioningly, obviously wondering how I knew how to spell it.
“It’s written on the back of Edward’s football shirts,” I said, shrugging. He smiled and
nodded.
“Yeah, it is. You can write his name next.”
I smiled and turned to the paper once more. I wrote out ‘Edward’ remembering how to
spell it from seeing it written somewhere before. I glanced up at Jasper questioningly,
wondering what the rest of his name was. Jasper smiled. “You don’t know his middle
name?” he asked. I shook my head no.
“He’s never told me,” I mumbled. “But then again, I guess I never really asked.” Jasper
nodded.
“It’s Anthony. He got the normal name,” he said. I smiled and turned back to the paper,
sounding it out in my head and spelling it. Jasper glanced at it and smiled when he saw I
had it right. I did the rest of their names with Jaspers help before taking a break. I was
truly grateful for all of Jasper’s assistance with teaching me, or his urging me that I
practice. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal but it meant a lot to me that he made an effort
and seemed to want me to better myself.
I went back up to Edward’s room and got his second load of clothes, taking them down and
putting them in the washer after I put his first load in the dryer. After they were running I
went back to the library with Jasper and he read a book while I practiced writing some
more.
“You’re wrong, you know,” Jasper said randomly after a long moment of silence. I glanced
over at him with confusion.
“What am I wrong about?” I asked, unsure of what he was talking about since neither of us
had spoken a single word in at least twenty minutes.
“Downstairs, you said you weren’t special. That really bothered me, because you’re wrong.
You are special. You’re bringing my brother back to life, you’re turning him back into the
person he used to be. That alone makes you very special,” he said. I smiled lightly and
shook my head.
“I’ve done nothing to change Edward, he’s done all that himself. I don’t deserve any of the
credit,” I said. I felt myself blushing regardless and looked away, embarrassed. Jasper
chuckled and opened his mouth to speak when a loud noise rung out and my pocket started
vibrating. I yelped and stood up quickly, startled. I reached into my pocket and snatched
my phone out, staring at it with surprise. When it stopped and the light went out on the
screen I glanced over at Jasper with confusion. He smiled lightly.
“Flip it open,” he said. I opened it and glanced at the screen, squinting slightly to read what
it said.
“It says I have a message,” I said after a moment, hesitantly. Jasper chuckled.
“Push the big button in the top center to read it,” he said. I nodded and pressed the big
button and the screen changed. “Use the arrows to scroll down through it.”
I glanced up at Jasper briefly before turning back down to my phone. I saw Edward’s name
immediately and smiled, realizing he had sent me the message. I scrolled down with the
arrow and squinted, trying to read it. I got the “Miss you” part but didn’t recognize the last
part. I sat back down with the phone and stared at it for a moment, trying to figure it out. It
took a minute or so before I sounded it out to where I somewhat recognized it and it clicked
in my head. It was Italian, what Edward sometimes called me—“tesoro mio”. I remembered
from Halloween he told me it meant ‘my treasure’ but could be used as ‘my sweetheart’.
I smiled brightly and felt my eyes welling up with tears at the fact that Edward sent me a
message from school to tell me he missed me. I felt one slip down my cheek and brushed it
away quickly, hoping Jasper hadn’t seen it. “I’m guessing it’s from Edward, right?” Jasper
asked softly after a moment. I glanced up at him and saw he was watching me, a look of
pure compassion on his face. I nodded slightly. “Press the small button on the top right to
reply to it.”
I looked back down at my phone and pressed the button, the screen changing again. I saw
Edward’s number was automatically programmed into the send space. “So, uh… how do I
write?” I asked hesitantly, feeling stupid for having to ask. He smiled nicely and explained
to me about pressing the numbers a certain amount of times to get the letters and what to
do if I wanted the number. He was clear and concise in his explanation, no hint of mocking
which I really appreciated. I abbreviated, simply because it was easier, and hoped Edward
didn’t mind it too much.
“Jasper?” I asked after a moment, hesitating.
“Yeah?” he asked curiously.
“How do you say ‘always’ in Italian?” I glanced up and saw him smile.
“Sempre,” he said in a thick accent that made his voice sound charming. I immediately
wondered if he spoke Italian to Alice, as the language sounded very romantic. “S-e-m-p-r-
e.”
I nodded and looked back down at my phone and started typing it out. I messed up once
and Jasper told me how to delete it. I got it all typed out and he told me to press the big
button again to send it. I did and closed the phone, sitting it back down when the words
‘message sent’ popped up.
“I should finish the laundry,” I mumbled after a moment. Jasper nodded.
“Yeah, and how about we grab something quick to eat and head outside for a bit, take a
break from the house. It’s a nice day out,” he suggested. I nodded and stood up, grabbing
my phone. I went to slip it into my pocket when it started vibrating and making noise
again. I opened it and saw it had another message. I hit the big button and smiled when I
saw the words “Sempre, Bella.”
I closed the phone and slipped it into my pocket, feeling absolutely giddy. Jasper chuckled
at my expression and I laughed, unable to keep my joy inside. It was so trivial but just the
thought made me feel so good inside. Edward made me feel like I truly meant something.
I headed into Edward’s room and grabbed his last load of clothes, trudging them
downstairs. I pulled his first load out of the dryer, folding them up and sitting them aside.
His second load went in the dryer and I started to wash the last one. When I was finished I
headed out toward the kitchen and nearly collided with Jasper in the foyer. He held a
sandwich out to me and I smiled brightly.
“Thank you so much,” I said, overwhelmed with gratitude. It was so odd having someone
else make or do things for me. He shrugged nonchalantly, like it was no big deal, and
headed toward the back door. I followed him out into the yard, sighing contently as I felt
the sunshine on my face. It wasn’t very warm but it wasn’t too cold either. The air had a
slight dampness and there was just enough of a breeze to make it comfortable.
Jasper and I walked through the yard, just causally strolling toward the trees. I was letting
him lead, as I really had no idea what I was doing. He was chatting nonchalantly about
random stuff, a lot of it about Alice. He spoke so highly of her it made me smile. It was
clear they were desperately in love with each other. I’d add a few words in here or there as
he started walking through the woods. I was slightly apprehensive at first, as I hadn’t gone
that far out yet, but I figured there was no harm in following Jasper. He wouldn’t lead me
anywhere that would get me into trouble.
I could hear the sound of water rushing growing closer as we walked and paused when the
trees thinned some and we came upon a river. I smiled and walked toward the edge of it,
glancing down. The water wasn’t very polluted, was quite clear which surprised me given
the dampness of the ground. I figured it would be muddy.
“Is this still your property?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yeah, it goes about another hundred feet or so that way,” he said, pointing past the river.
“It’s beautiful,” I murmured, squatting down and putting my hand down into the river. The
water was cold but felt amazing on my skin.
He laughed lightly. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m not really one for nature though. I don’t come out
here often. Edward’s the brother that plays in the woods.”
I glanced at him with surprise. “Edward comes out here?” I asked.
He nodded. “Well, he used to. He hasn’t really come out here since he got back from the
boarding school. But he used to always spend time in the woods when he wanted to be
alone. He was moody, ya know, got in funks where he wanted to just get away. He’d come
down by the river or go hiking. He runs along the trail a lot to stay in shape when he isn’t
playing football.”
I nodded, still slightly surprised that Edward would turn to nature when he was depressed,
as he seemed a bit too fussy to get dirty or deal with bugs or wildlife. But I guess I still had
a lot to learn about him, as he was completely complex and still so mysterious to me.
I stood up and hesitated, glancing at Jasper. He sat down on the ground carefully and
leaned back against a tree, gazing over at the water. I turned back to the river myself and
contemplated for a moment. I reached down and pulled my shoes off, sitting them off to
the side. I rolled my pants legs up to my knees and started down the bank of the river into
the slightly shallow water.
“You know that waters freezing,” Jasper said quickly. I shrugged and stepped into the
water, my feet stinging from my coldness but it didn’t deter me. They got used to it quick,
the pain dulling out. “And there are probably all kinds of creatures in there, bugs or snakes
or fish.”
I laughed lightly. “I grew up with scorpions, Jasper. I’m not afraid of anything in this
water.” I kicked around a bit and smiled when I felt the mud squish between my toes. The
water rushing past my feet felt amazing, almost soothing.
“Are you afraid of anything?” he asked quietly. I glanced back to look at him, noticing his
serious expression.
“Everyone’s afraid of something,” I said, shrugging.
“So what are you afraid of?” he asked curiously. I sighed. There was no way I could tell him
my biggest fear. I’d shared with Edward that I was feared being raped, that sex frightened
me but it was way too personal to share with Jasper. It felt like such an irrational fear to
have and confess to, given that all three of the boys most likely did it.
“Hope,” I said softly after a moment, admitting to the only other thing that truly frightened
me. “Hope frightens me.”
His brow furrowed. “Hope scares you?” I nodded.
“I don’t allow myself to hope for anything,” I said. “Having hope when you live the life I do
is dangerous. It’s just asking to get hurt. Physical pain is easy to push through, which is
why I don’t exactly fear physical violence. Emotional pain is another story. It’s better to just
accept life as it is and not hope for more or better. If you expect nothing, you aren’t
disappointed when you receive nothing.” He sighed.
“That’s sad,” he mumbled. I shrugged, as it was just a fact of life to me. “Do you have hope
now?”
I kicked around in the mud for a moment, in thought. “I suppose I do. Somewhat, anyway,”
I said, shrugging. “What do you fear?” I added quickly, not wanting to dwell on the fact that
I now had the one thing I told myself I’d never succumb to.
He sighed. “My worst fear is losing my father.” I looked at him with surprise and he
nodded. “I’ve already lost my mother because of his lifestyle, I don’t want to lose him to it
also.”
I nodded. “That makes sense,” I said, feeling an ache in my chest for Jasper’s sadness. My
mother was still alive, as far as I knew anyway, but I still felt as though I’d lost her.
We stood in silence for a bit, both of us thinking. “You should always have hope, you
know,” he said softly eventually. “There’s more out there in this world for you.” I laughed,
shaking my head.
“You sound just like my mother,” I said, immediately remembering the sound of her voice
as she told me nearly that same exact thing time and time again. “She used to constantly
lecture me on having hope. ‘Don’t give up hope.’ ‘You’re destined for more, Isabella.’,” I
said, trying to imitate her voice. I felt a slight pain in my chest thinking about her but tried
to push it away.
“Sounds like a smart woman,” Jasper said. I glanced over at him and smiled.
“I supposed she had a certain amount of wisdom,” I said. You couldn’t exactly call my
mother an intellectual, but she had the type of smarts that counted in my world. She had
good survival instincts.
“So you knew her? Your mom?” he asked curiously. I glanced at him with surprise, as I
figured he’d already know that.
“Yes. I’m surprised Edward hasn’t already told you that,” I said, shrugging.
He shook his head. “Edward wouldn’t do that to you. Anything you tell him he’d keep
locked in that head of his. Your story is your own to share.”
I smiled lightly. “Well then, yes I did know my mother,” I said. He smiled.
“How long has it been since you saw her?” he asked.
“The last time I saw her was the day your father picked me up,” I said quietly. “And I
suppose that’s the last time I’ll ever see her.”
“Wait, my father took you away from your mother? Did he know that?” Jasper asked, a
slight edge to his voice. I glanced at him with surprise.
“Yes, he knew. He allowed me a chance to say goodbye to her,” I said.
Jasper groaned and grumbled angrily under his breath. We were quiet for a while, him
sitting in thought and me stomping around in the river. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly after a
moment. I glanced over at him with confusion, curious as to what he was apologizing to me
for.
“What are you sorry for?” I asked. He sighed.
“For your situation. The fact that my father purchased you and you’re forced to live in our
house,” he said, his voice laced with sadness. I smiled lightly, appreciating the fact that he
felt compassion for me. It was so odd, as I always hated people feeling sympathetic, but
something made it feel okay now when the person showing it was obviously genuine about
it.
“You shouldn’t apologize to me,” I said, shaking my head. “Your father isn’t that bad of a
master to have.”
“But he took you away from your mother, that’s just wrong,” he mumbled. I shook my
head.
“It was scary to be separated from her, I’ll admit. And I worry about her constantly. But I
wouldn’t exactly call it wrong. If you knew where I came from Jasper you’d see that I have
it quite well here. Even my own mother would say he did me a huge favor buying me.”
“Where did you come from, anyway?” he asked curiously. I sighed and looked down at the
water, splashing my feet a bit.
“Phoenix,” I mumbled. He sighed.
“I knew that much,” he said, rolling his eyes. I laughed lightly. “Were you born into this
life? Were your parents slaves?”
“My mother was. She was purchased as a baby herself.”
“And your father?” he asked curiously. I sighed.
“He was the master,” I mumbled, not exactly enjoying this topic. I didn’t like to think of
Charles, much less talk about him.
His eyes widened. “So your father was your master?”
I nodded. “Up until your father purchased me, yes. He wasn’t a very kind master, either.
Your father gives me food to eat and a bed to sleep in. My father rarely fed me and shunned
me to a barn. Your father only punished me once. My father hit me routinely and allowed
his wife to beat me for fun every day.”
He sighed. “What kind of parent does that?” he asked, more to himself than me.
I shrugged. “I suppose one that doesn’t want the child.”
“What was your fathers name?” he asked.
“Charles Swan,” I said softly. He sighed and sat quietly for a moment.
“That name sounds so familiar. I remember some Swan’s being mentioned before.” He
grew quiet again and I glanced over, noticing he appeared deep in thought. His eyes
widened slightly after a moment and he gaped at me. “Oh shit, Charlie Swan! Fuck, what’s
his wife’s name?”
I hesitated, slightly stunned by his sudden shift in demeanor and the fact that he cursed.
Jasper very rarely used foul language. “Jane,” I said simply. I’d never really spoken her real
name aloud, as she insisted on being always referred to as ‘mistress’.
He groaned, shaking his head. “Dammit, I was hoping you wouldn’t say that,” he said. I just
stared at him in surprise.
“I guess that means you know them?” I asked. He sighed and nodded.
“I know who they are. Have you told Edward this stuff? I’m surprised he hasn’t figured it
out and had something to say about it,” he said, shaking his head.
“Uh, I told him about them but I’ve never told him my mistresses name, I don’t think,” I
said, shrugging. I didn’t understand what the big deal was. It was evident to me that the
Cullen family knew the Swan family, considering the fact that Dr. Cullen had come to
purchase me privately. “Not that it matters anyway. She’s not my mistress anymore.”
He nodded. “I’m glad she’s not.” He glanced at his watch and sighed. “We should be getting
back, finish up Edward’s laundry and start dinner.”
I nodded and stepped up onto the riverbank, glancing down and smiling when I noticed my
feet were covered in mud. I dipped them into the water quickly, shaking them to get most
of the mud off. I slipped my shoes back on and unrolled my pants, trying to make myself
look presentable once more. Something told me dr. Cullen might not be too happy with a
muddy-footed servant scampering around his house when he had important company.
Jasper and I strolled back toward the house in silence. He appeared deep in thought about
something and had a slight sad look on his face. I started to feel bad, worried that I’d said
or done something to upset him again. We hit the tree line to walk into the backyard and
Jasper’s steps faltered a bit. I glanced up, my brow furrowing in confusion when I saw the
fairly large white box truck in the back yard. All of the men from last night were there,
helping to unload boxes. They were taking them into a door in the side of the house, one I’d
never seen before. As it was covered in vines and green growth
“I didn’t know there was a door there,” I said curiously. Jasper sighed.
“It leads to the basement, which is off limits to you. It’s the same reason you can’t go in the
office under the stairs, it also leads to the basement. I promise you don’t want to go down
there, as I don’t even want to go down there.”
I nodded, finally understanding that was where the illegal activity was contained. Jasper
started walking again and I followed him toward the back door. I glanced up and spotted
James standing beside the truck, watching me curiously. I looked away quickly, not
wanting to give him the wrong impression, not wanting him to think I was even remotely
curious about him. I followed Jasper inside and went straight for the laundry room, pulling
Edward’s clothes out of the dryer and folding them up. I threw his last load into the dryer
and headed for the kitchen. When I hit the foyer the front door opened and Emmett walked
in. He gave me a small smile and nodded in greeting before walking past me toward the
living area.
I went into the kitchen and started glancing in cabinets and the fridge, trying to find
something to make for dinner. I wasn’t sure if the guests would be staying again but didn’t
want to go out there and ask, as that would be interrupting and that was the last thing I
wanted to do. I was debating how much to pull out when I heard the sound of gravel
crunching and an engine roaring. I glanced out the window and saw the box truck driving
around the house and down the driveway, disappearing from sight. I heard a door open
and Dr. Cullen’s voice came filtering through almost immediately. I stayed in the kitchen,
tensing up slightly when footsteps neared me.
“Starting dinner?” Dr. Cullen’s voice said from behind me. I turned around slowly and
looked at him, nodding.
“Yes, sir.” He smiled.
“Good, I’m famished. We’ll only be having one guest for dinner. And I’d appreciate it if you
stayed and ate with us tonight,” he said. My eyes widened at his request, slight panic
surging through me. He sighed, noticing my expression.
“You’ll be fine, it’s just one meal. Aro’s important to all of us, as he’s the boss. I guess you
could say he’s my master of sorts,” he said, smiling. I returned his smile, realizing he was
trying to be playful.
“Yes, sir.”
He hesitated in the kitchen for a moment, looking at me curiously. It was slightly

uncomfortable, having him stare at me the way he was. It was like he was looking for
something specific. I started fidgeting under his gaze and he sighed, turning and leaving
the kitchen.
I pulled a pack of steaks out, thawing them. I wrapped some potatoes in foil and placed
them in the oven for baked potatoes. I started fixing together some ingredients to make
some yeast rolls, leaving the dough to rise. I heard the dryer buzz and washed my hands. I
went in and folded the rest of Edward’s clothes up and started packing the hamper full of
them. I lugged it up to his bedroom and came back down to gather the rest of them up. I
went into his room and sat them on the bed, glancing around momentarily. I’d put his
clothes away once before so I thankfully knew where everything went. The task went by
quite fast and I shut his door again when I was done. I headed back downstairs to the
kitchen and went back to working on dinner.
I threw a Caesar salad together and I had the steaks thawed and was cooking them, making
sure not to dry them. I finished up the rolls and potatoes when I heard the car pull up
outside. I glanced out the window and smiled when I saw it was Edward home from
football. I pulled the steaks off and started taking things over to the table, setting it when
he walked in the house. Everyone else was in the living area, watching TV and chatting
while they were waiting on dinner. I went back into the kitchen and to grab the rest of the
food when Edward walked in.
“Do you need any help?” he asked quietly, keeping a few feet between us, I assume because
of the cameras. I smiled lightly.
“No, thank you. I’ve got it,” I said. He nodded.
“I’ll come up to see you as soon as I can get away from the table,” he said. I shook my head
no and his face clouded over with hurt before I had a chance to explain. For coming off so
tough, Edward was sure sensitive. “You don’t want me to?” he asked, his voice laced with
the same hurt that was showing on his face.
I rolled my eyes at his assumption. “Of course I do. But your father said I had to stay down
here for dinner tonight because of his guest so there’s no reason for you to try to rush
away.”
He looked at me with confusion. “He’s making you eat dinner with us because Aro’s here?”
I shrugged. “Evidently.” He sighed and shook his head, appearing confused about that for
some reason. I immediately wondered if any of the other women stayed for dinner when
company came.
He looked like he was about to say something else when his father walked up behind him,
brushing past him to get into the kitchen. He walked over and opened the cabinet, pulling
out a bottle of orange collared alcohol. I glanced back over to the doorway and noticed
Edward was gone.
“Come over here, Isabella,” he said, sitting the bottle down on the counter. He opened the
fridge and pulled out another bottle of alcohol, a plain dark collared bottle with a brown
label, as well as a bottle of club soda. He reached up in the cabinet and pulled out two fairly
small glasses. I walked over and paused beside him, eyeing the alcohol in front of him
warily. “I’m going to show you how to make an Aperol Spritz. It’s our drink of choice and I
would’ve shown you sooner, had I known my visitors were coming. But better late than
never, I suppose. Okay?”
I nodded. “Okay, sir.”
He nodded and smiled lightly. “Fill the glasses halfway up with ice,” he said, taking a step
back. I did as he said and turned to him, waiting for the rest of his instructions. He smiled
and took a step forward, picking up the dark bottle. “This is Prosecco, an Italian wine.” He
opened the bottle and poured some into the glasses until they were almost halfway full. He
sat it down and picked up the orange bottle. “And this is Aperol, an orange liqueur of
sorts.” He poured about as much of it in the glasses as he did the wine, maybe slightly less.
“Now add a splash of the club soda to them.”
I opened the club soda and poured a little bit in each glass. I put the lid back on and sat it
down, glancing up at Dr. Cullen. He smiled. “Good. Now take one of these glasses out to
Aro in the living room.”
My eyes widened slightly and he raised his brow at me, obviously seeing my hesitance. I
finally nodded and grabbed the glass, turning and heading out of the kitchen. I walked into
the living area quietly and over to where Aro was sitting on the couch. Edward was sitting
beside him and glanced up at me, smiling and winking when I approached. I smiled and
blushed slightly, looking away from him quickly.
“Here’s your drink, sir,” I said softly, trying to speak clearly out of respect. Aro looked at me
and smiled, taking the glass from me.
“Thank you, dear,” he said, nodding. I nodded in response.
“You’re very welcome, sir.” I took a few steps back and turned, quickly heading back into
the kitchen. Dr. Cullen was still standing there, sipping out of his glass.
“See, that wasn’t too bad, was it?” he asked. I shook my head.
“No, sir,” I mumbled. I grabbed the rest of the food and took it over to the table while Dr.
Cullen headed for the living area. I took a few steps in that direction, clearing my throat
slightly. “Dinner’s ready,” I said.
They all got up and headed toward the table, chatting amongst themselves. I just stood
there and brought my bottom lip into my mouth, chewing on it nervously. I wasn’t sure
what I was supposed to do since I’d never actually been around for dinner. Was I expected
to serve them?
Edward brushed by me, leaning his head toward me. “Just take a seat and relax,” he
whispered. I gave him a small smile and nodded, thankful for his help and understanding.
I sat down across from Edward and we all grabbed some food, helping ourselves. I only
took a little, too nervous to really eat but not wanting to look rude. I just pushed the food
around on my plate for the most part, taking a few small nibbles for appearance. I kept
glancing over at Edward, noticing he was doing the same. Everyone else was chatting but
Edward seemed to be off in his own world, lost in his thoughts.
“So Isabella…” I heard my name spoken in the foreign voice and my fork slipped from my
fingers, as it startled me. It clanged against my plate and I winced at the sound, feeling like
an idiot and immediately concerned my clumsiness was going to upset them. I picked it
back up and looked up, my eyes immediately meeting Edward’s. He was watching me with
concern, obviously worried. I looked away from him quickly, taking a deep breath as I
glanced over to where Aro and Dr. Cullen were sitting.
“Yes, sir?” I asked, my anxiety tripling at being addressed directly. I wanted nothing more
than to blend into the background at the moment, wished I could be overlooked.
“You don’t have to be nervous dear, I assure you I mean you no harm. I want to apologize
for my nephew’s advances yesterday. He’s a bit troublesome sometimes and likes to push
the boundaries, but he’s not a bad person,” Aro said, smiling kindly. I nodded but Edward
laughed darkly and started grumbling under his breath, obviously not liking Aro’s
characterization of James.
“I understand, sir,” I said softly. He nodded.
“Good. I also was curious as to how you’re finding life here with Carlisle. I’ve heard a lot
about you over the years, I have to say it’s a pleasure to finally be able to see you in person.
As hidden away as you were kept, I almost wondered if you were just a figment of the
imagination,” he said. My brow furrowed with confusion, stunned that he’d say that. I
couldn’t figure out how in the world he would’ve ever heard about my existence,
considering my father didn’t even acknowledge me.
I glanced around briefly, noticing all three boys looked just as confused. Edward was
staring at Aro with his eyes narrowed slightly, his fork paused in mid-air.
“Uh, the Cullen’s are kind to me, sir,” I started, confused. “They treat me fairly.”
Aro nodded. “That’s great to hear, although I never doubted it for a moment. And I imagine
it has to be a vast improvement from that horrific situation you grew up with in Phoenix. If
I’d have known the Swan’s treated their own flesh and blood so harshly earlier I would’ve
stepped in and done something myself, but by the time Carlisle discovered it and informed
me, it was much too complicated to merely intervene without causing more hurt for you.”
I stared at him with confusion, unsure of what he was talking about. His words weren’t
making any sense to me. I shook my head to try to clear it, trying to sort things through.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Edward said after a moment, before I had the
chance to even get my thoughts together. Dr. Cullen groaned.
“Watch your language at the table, son,” Dr. Cullen snapped. Edward rolled his eyes and
Aro laughed.
“Perhaps I’ve said too much,” Aro said, shrugging. Dr. Cullen nodded, mumbling ‘perhaps,
my ass’ under his breath. Unfortunately he was louder than he thought, as we all heard it.
Aro merely chuckled though. “Ah, it doesn’t really matter, forget I said it. Just know that
I’m glad your situation has been improved.”
I nodded but Edward shook his head. “No, you can’t just say some shit like that and just say
‘forget about it’. If you knew one of your own was abusing a child, regardless of if it’s theirs
or not, why didn’t you do anything about it? I know how the organizations rules are, you
frown upon children being hurt by any of you, period.”
Aro sighed and glanced over at Dr. Cullen, raising his eyebrows. Dr. Cullen shook his head
slightly, glancing over at Edward. My eyes narrowed slightly at their silent conversation, as
it was evident they were hiding something and it had everything to do with me.
“We discovered her parentage when she was 12, around the time of her grandparents
deaths. She wasn’t really being abused then. Mistreated maybe, but we were fairly certain
she wasn’t in any true danger at that point. We felt it would be more harmful to tear her
from her mother than it was to allow her to continue to stay there,” Dr. Cullen said
pointedly.
“Regardless,” Aro started. “Charles Swan is hardly one of our own. His father was a
member of the organization many years ago and had we have known sooner that he was
knowingly mistreating his own granddaughter, we would’ve reprimanded him for his
behavior. But we have no power over Charles and his choices, as he has no sworn loyalty to
us. There are certain rules that govern this life Edward, rules you can’t just disregard
because you don’t like something that is going on. Personal feelings can’t override the code
of conduct, and if you allow them to you’re asking for unnecessary war.”
Edward stared at Aro for a moment before glancing over at his father. I looked over and
saw Dr. Cullen’s attention was focused on me and he seemed completely oblivious to the
harsh glares from his youngest child. I wanted to ask how they even knew of my existence
in the first place, but didn’t think it would be right to ask questions of them like that. I was
always in the background my entire life, never standing out enough to be noticed by
anyone, so I couldn’t figure out why they’d even know of me in order to ever wonder about
my parentage. I cleared my throat after a second when an uncomfortable silence started
brewing at the table.
“Thank you, sir, for your concern,” I mumbled. Aro nodded.
“You’re welcome, dear.”
We all finished eating in relative silence, the tension still growing despite my speaking up
and trying to end it. Edward dropped his fork after a bit and pushed his chair back.
“May I be excused?” he asked. Dr. Cullen said yes and he stood up, heading out of the room
immediately. I wasn’t entirely sure what was wrong with him but I was a bit worried that
I’d possibly upset him. I nibbled a bit more on my food, glancing over and noticing
Edward’s plate was still pretty much untouched.
“The rest of you may be excused when you’re finished,” Dr. Cullen said after a moment
when the sound of an engine roared around the house. I looked behind me toward the
windows and saw the white box truck pull up behind the house. I glanced over at Dr. Cullen
and nodded, thanking him softly. I stood up and grabbed my plate, reaching over and
grabbing Edward’s. I took them to the kitchen and scraped them, placing them in the sink.
I headed for the stairs and walked up them slowly, still slightly baffled at the attention I’d
received at dinner. I made it up to the third floor and opened my bedroom door. I paused
in the doorway, noticing Edward sitting on the edge of my bed with his head down as he
was glaring at the ground.
“Are you okay?” I asked hesitantly, closing the door softly behind me. He glanced up at me
and nodded.
“Yeah,” he muttered, staring at me. I smiled lightly, wanting to alleviate whatever it was
that was bothering him.
“Do you not like my cooking?” I asked, walking over to him. His brow furrowed at my
question.
“Why would you think that?” he asked. I sat down beside him and shrugged.
“I don’t know, you didn’t eat any of it tonight,” I said. He sighed.
“I just didn’t really have an appetite. Didn’t have anything to do with your cooking,” he
mumbled. I nodded and kicked my shoes off, pulling my legs up on the bed and sprawling
out on my back.
Edward leaned back on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows so he could see my face.
He stared at me for a moment before leaning over and kissing my lips softly. “They’re
hiding something,” he said quietly after a moment. “And that bothers me.” I nodded.
“I don’t know what it could be,” I said. “I don’t know how they even knew of me.” We both
grew quiet and Edward shifted his body around so he was lying beside me and gazing into
my eyes. He brought his hand out and stroked my cheek softly with the back of his fingers.
There was a knock at the door after a moment and Edward drew his hand away quickly,
getting up out of bed immediately. He walked over to the door and pulled it open, groaning.
I pulled myself up slight and glanced over, spotting Jasper. His eyes met mine and I gave
him a small smile.
“Hey, Jasper,” I said. He nodded in greeting, walking past Edward and into the room.
Edward closed the door and walked over, flopping back down on the bed beside me.
“What’s up Jazz?” Edward mumbled, as he lay back down and started stroking my cheek
again. I was slightly stunned that he was showing so much affection in front of his brother
and gave him a look of surprise. He smiled lightly and leaned over, placing a small light
kiss on my lips. I blushed and heard Jasper laugh.
“You kids look good together,” he said. I glanced up and saw he was smiling. Edward rolled
his eyes but smirked. “Anyway, I just wanted to see if you were aware of exactly where
Isabella came from, Edward.”
“What do you mean? She came from that Swan guy in Phoenix,” Edward said, his attention
still focused on me. He seemed to be barely aware of his brother’s presence with the looks
he was giving me.
“Yeah, but that name hasn’t struck you yet as being familiar. Charles Swan? We know him
as Charlie,” Jasper said. Edward’s brow furrowed and he seemed to be contemplating it,
but he continued to stroke my cheek.
“It does sound kind of familiar, struck me that way the first time I heard it,” Edward said.
“I don’t know, I just figured maybe I heard dad say it at some point.”
Jasper sighed. ‘Would it help if you knew his wife’s name was Jane?” he asked, walking
over and sitting down on the edge of the bed beside me. Edward’s brow furrowed even
more.
“Jane Swan,” he mumbled, obviously trying to place the name. Jasper nodded.
“Yeah, you know. Jane that lives in Arizona?” Jasper hinted. Edward’s hand stopped
moving immediately as he ceased stroking my cheek. His expression shifted to one of
anger.
“No way,” he said. Jasper sighed.
“Yeah, her,” he mumbled.
Edward sat up quickly, so quickly it startled me, and my eyes widened with surprise.
Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.
“That son of a bitch, did he fucking know what his sister was doing? I thought he was
fucking better than that,” Edward nearly yelled, snapping his phone open and pressing
buttons as he scrolled through numbers. Jasper reached over quickly and snatched the
phone from Edward.
“What the hell are you doing? You’re going to call Alec?!” Jasper asked with disbelief.
Edward glared at him.
“You’re damn right I’m going to call him. I wanna fucking know if he knew that goddamn
demented sister of his was beating up a girl for no damn reason,” Edward snapped, trying
to grab his phone back. His face was clouded with rage and I could see his hand trembling
slightly.
Jasper sighed and pulled the phone away so Edward couldn’t get it. “Dammit, do you want
to get in trouble Edward?! You know you don’t go asking questions like that. And if you
don’t fucking relax you’re going to give yourself away.”
Edward groaned. “Christ, Jasper, you can’t just fucking walk in here and tell me our
goddamn uncle’s sister is the bitch who tortured her and expect me to fucking relax!” he
snapped. My eyes widened with shock and I sat straight up, glancing between Jasper and
Edward.
“Jane’s brother is your uncle?” I asked with disbelief. “Does that mean she’s your aunt?!”
“NO,” they both said sharply at the same time. I flinched back from both of their tones.
Jasper sighed. “Our aunt is married to Jane’s brother. We used to hear stories about her all
the time. They call her ‘Crazy Janie’ in Chicago.”
I nodded and sat quietly, absorbing it all in. “Give me my phone back,” Edward said calmly
after a moment, holding his hand out. Jasper eyed him warily and Edward groaned. “I’m
not going to fucking call him, Christ. I just want my fucking phone. Calling about it is only
going to make people suspicious, I realize that now.”
Jasper nodded and handed the phone back to Edward. Edward slipped it back in his pocket
and lay back down on the bed. I lay down beside him and Jasper apologized for disrupting
us, but we waved him off, telling him it was no big deal. Edward told him he didn’t mean to
snap at him and Jasper seemed to understand thankfully. He was well aware of his
brothers temper problem.
After Jasper left we spent about twenty minutes just laying quietly, gazing at each other
with him softly stroking my face, Finally Edward sighed and sat up. “I’m going to go get
changed. I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?” I nodded and he smiled, grazing his
fingertips across my lips once softly before heading for the door. I lay there for a moment
after he left before getting up and pulling some pajamas out of my dresser. I stripped and
slid them on quickly, throwing my dirty clothes in the hamper.
I walked over to climb back in bed when there was a soft knock on the door and it was
pushed open. Edward walked in, wearing nothing but a pair of flannel pants with a pair of
black boxers peeking out around his waist. He was so comfortable with showing so much
skin it was almost startling. I stared at him for a moment, barely even noticing the gun in
his hand because I was so fixated on his bare chest and toned muscles.
“Would you rather me wear a shirt? I mean, I’ve got a clean one, considering you did my
laundry today. Thank you for that, by the way,” he asked after a moment, shutting the door
behind him. I glanced up into his face and saw he had an eyebrow cocked at me, a small
knowing smirk on his lips. I realized he’d caught me staring at his exposed skin, knowing
that I was ogling him, and blushed. I shook my head no quickly, not wanting him to put a
shirt on. He chuckled and shook his head, reaching behind him to lock the door. “You
know, you don’t have to wear one either,” he said playfully as we walked over to me. I
stared at him with confusion for a moment before it clicked. My eyes widened with shock
and I gaped at him. He chuckled and sat the gun down on the nightstand, turning the
alarm clock on.
“Uhh…” I started, flustered at his comment. I felt my cheeks reddening with

embarrassment and averted my eyes away.
“Relax, tesoro,” he said softly, climbing into bed beside me. He reached over and grasped
my chin, pulling my face toward him. I met his eyes and saw the twinkle in them, the spark
of happiness that I enjoyed so much. He smiled and I smiled in return. “You can keep your
shirt on if you want,” he said playfully. “Maybe some other time.”
“Maybe,” I said softly. His eyes widened with surprise.
“Ah, open-minded, are we? Nice,” he said, smirking and nodding. I laughed at him and
shrugged. It was so easy being open and playful with Edward. His presence always put me
at ease. “I have to admit, I look forward to it. But anyway, I’m exhausted. I had a long day,
so how about we get some sleep?” he suggested. I nodded.
“Sounds fine with me,” I said. He nodded and stood up, walking over and turning the light
off. He came back over and slipped into bed, pulling me toward him and throwing the
blanket over us. I snuggled into his chest and he squeezed me tightly, kissing the top of my
head. Sleeping with Edward made the dark not seem so lonesome or bothersome. I didn’t
know how I was ever going to be able to sleep again without him.
“Sogni d'oro, la mia bella ragazza,” he murmured. I smiled.
“Translation?” I asked softly. I recognized half of it, but was unsure about the first part. He
chuckled.
“Sweet dreams, my beautiful girl,” he said. My smile grew and I closed my eyes, burrowing
into his chest. He was so warm, his arms so comforting.
“Sempre,” I mumbled, remembering the word from the text message. He laughed, the
vibration from it shaking both of our bodies.
“Sempre, indeed,” he said, amusement in his voice. I laughed lightly and felt him shift his
body slightly, resting his head on top of mine. I drifted off to sleep quickly in his arms.
I peeked my eyes open finally and glanced around, feeling a slight sense of déjà vu. It was
slightly past 8am according to the alarm clock and once again, Edward was gone. It amazed
me how he could slip out of bed without me detecting it. I’d been such a restless sleeper
lately that it stunned me that I could sleep through an alarm clock going off now.
I crawled out of bed and headed into the bathroom, splashing water on my face to wake
myself up. I went back into the bedroom and slipped out of my pajamas, pulling on a pair
of loose fitting jeans and a pink T-shirt. I pulled my hair back and headed for the door,
wondering if Jasper was staying home with me again today. I opened the door to head out
in the hallway and screamed, startled when I saw the body in front of me blocking the
doorway.
“About time you wake up,” Emmett said, grinning. I just started at him with shock,
gripping my chest with my hand, trying to get my heart rate to slow down and regulate
again. He was holding some DVDs, a bowl of popcorn, and had some bottles of water in the
crook of his arm. He stood in front of me smiling, patiently waiting on me to recover from
the scare.
“Good morning, Emmett,” I managed to say after a moment. He laughed.
“Yep, a good morning it is. Now turn around and head right back into the room,” he said.
My brow furrowed with confusion.
“Excuse me?” I asked hesitantly. He laughed.
“I said, back into the bedroom you go,” he said. I just stood there stunned and he laughed
some more. He took a step forward and I took one back instinctively. He found it
humorous and did it again, causing me to take another step back. He continued it until we
were both inside the room, and he reached behind him and shut the door. He walked
around me and sat the bowl on the table in front of the couch, popping a DVD out of its
case and walking over, sticking it in the DVD player. I just stood frozen, watching the entire
thing with shock as he was whistling to himself the entire time. He grabbed the remote and
walked over, flopping down on the couch and kicking hit feet up on the table. He pushed a
few buttons to start the movie up, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and focusing on the
screen. He skipped the previews and started munching on the popcorn, chewing noisily. It
was quite baffling, as it was like he was completely oblivious to my presence and was just
making himself at home in my room. It wasn’t uncomfortable, as he didn’t make me
uneasy, but it was stunning. We didn’t often spend time in the same place together.
“Are you gonna just stand there? Cuz I think your feet might get tired after a few hours,” he
said after a moment, glancing over at me and raising his eyebrows with a smile on his face.
“Get over here and sit down and get some popcorn before I eat it all. If you know anything
about me at all, you should know that food doesn’t last long when I’m around.”
I smiled and nodded, walking over to him slowly. I sat down beside him and glanced up at
the screen, my brow furrowing when I realized he’d put a cartoon in.
I opened my mouth to ask him when we were watching when he thrusted the bowl of
popcorn into my face. The sudden movement startled me and I cowered away from it. He
froze, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Afraid of popcorn?’ he asked after a second, his tone completely serious. I smiled,
laughing lightly.
“No,” I said. He nodded and pushed the bowl further to me. I took a handful and he smiled,
pulling the bowl back away. I started munching on the popcorn, eyeing the screen warily.
“Uh, what is this?”
He glanced over at me, narrowing his eyes. “You’re kidding me,’ he said. I shook my head
no hesitantly and he tsk’ed me. “Geez, you’re sheltered! It’s Shrek! I love this shit,” he said,
smiling brightly and turning back to the movie while throwing a handful of popcorn in his
mouth.
I smiled lightly at his young and playful nature and glanced back at the screen. “I suppose
it’s fitting,” I said after a moment. He glanced over at me briefly.
“What’s fitting?” he asked.
“The fact that we’re watching cartoons. I mean, isn’t that what people usually do when they
babysit?” I asked playfully.
His head snapped in my direction, his eyes widening slightly. “Did you just make a joke?”
he asked, sounding stunned. I shrugged and he started laughing, shaking his head. I
reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl, the action making him
smile widely. He appeared to be proud for some reason, I guess happy that I was loosening
up around him. “It’s nice to know you have a sense of humor, little one. I was a little
confused as to what the hell Edward saw in you to make him want to be with you and shit,
no offense or anything, but I think I can see it now,” he said.
My eyes widened and I stared at him with shock when his words registered. He saw my
expression and laughed. “Uhh, I don’t know… I mean, how do you…” I babbled, completely
stunned as I was under the impression only Jasper was aware of it.
“I’m not as oblivious as he might think I am. I realize I’m not around a lot and him and I
aren’t as close as we used to be, but I like to think I still know my brother pretty well. I
understand why he wants to keep the shit to himself, as I know I can be a loudmouth
sometimes. But I recognize it’s a delicate situation and you’re both taking some big fucking
risks by doing whatever it is you’re doing and I’m not going to go running my mouth and
putting you in danger.”
I nodded. “How long have you known?” I asked.
He smiled. “When we were decorating for the Halloween party and he accidentally called
you a bitch. The look on his fucking face when you glared at him was priceless. God, he was
so fucking stunned and hurt, I thought the little shit was going to start crying.” He paused
and laughed, shaking his head. “But the moment he said he was sorry to you, it confirmed
it. I didn’t hear him say it, as he tried to be sneaky with it, but Rose did. See, Edward
doesn’t fucking apologize for anything, no matter how wrong he is. He just doesn’t do the
shit. He could shoot you by accident and instead of saying he’s sorry, he’d say something
like ‘well that fucking sucked’. That’s just who he is, or I guess who he was. My dad’s the
same way, hell if you held your breath waiting on an apology from him he’d just sit there
and let you fucking die before he muttered the word sorry. But yeah, I knew it then. I knew
that mother fucker went and fell in love when he regretted saying the word bitch and
apologized for it.”
I stared at him, stunned. “Uh, I mean, I don’t know if I’d say he was… in love.” I whispered
the last part, having a hard time even getting the word to leave my lips. The concept was so
baffling to me and shocking. I knew deep in my heart that I loved Edward Cullen, but I’d
yet to be able to get myself to believe that he could ever actually love me.
“Please, girl. That shithead is in love. If that ain’t love, than I don’t know what love is.
You’ve got him whipped. He’s given up all of his little tramps and that’s something I never
thought I’d see. Edward’s favorite pastime’s always been busting a nut,” he said. My brow
furrowed with confusion.
“A nut?” I asked. Emmett glanced at me, noticing my puzzled expression and started
laughing hysterically.
“Oh so innocent,” he said, reaching over and ruffling up my hair playfully. “Watch the
movie, it’s good. But ask Edward what a nut is when he gets home, I wanna see him try to
explain that shit to you.”
I nodded hesitantly, not entirely sure I wanted to know what it meant now. I focused on the
TV and ate some more popcorn. The movie turned out to be quite good and I laughed a few
times. Emmett obviously was a big fan of it, as in numerous spots he spoke the lines along
with the characters. When Shrek ended, Emmett got up and put in a second DVD, which
turned out to be Shrek 2.
We chatted a bit during the movies, but mostly watched in silence, laughing. It was nice
being in Emmett’s presence, he used to be so intimidating because of his size but I was
realizing he had quite a gentle and carefree nature.
When the second movie went off, he glanced at his watch and stood up. “I need to go take a
shower. Rose is leaving school early and stopping by for a minute to pick something up.
You think you can handle being alone for a few minutes? I mean, if not you can come with
me. Well, not to take a shower, of course,” he said, laughing.
I smiled and nodded. “I’ll be fine. I don’t need to be watched like a hawk, I can take care of
myself.”
He smiled. “Okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes and we can get some lunch or something.
That popcorn won’t hold me for long.”
“Sounds good,” I said. He nodded and headed out of the room, leaving me alone. I sat there
for a few minutes in the quiet, bored. I contemplated trying to send Edward a text message
but I wasn’t sure how to get to it and do it without replying to one that was already there. I
figured I’d have to have someone explain it to me. I was still a bit baffled and trying to deal
with and sort through the conversation I’d had with Emmett, stunned at the thought that
Edward could be in love with me. I mean, Emmett would know, wouldn’t he? He knew
Edward quite well and seemed positive about it. But why hadn’t Edward expressed it to me
if he was? But I guess I had no right to ask that, considering I had yet to express that to him
myself. I hadn’t done it out of fear of scaring him, but he had to know that he wouldn’t
scare me by telling me that. I still didn’t feel worthy of his simple affection; having him
express that he loved me would blow me away.
I got up after a while, parched from the popcorn and my bottle of water was empty. I
headed out of the bedroom and into the hallway, intending to head downstairs for
something to drink quickly. A foot or so from the top of the steps I froze when I saw the
person coming up the stairs, immense fear and dread coursing through me, so powerful I
stopped breathing instinctively. I recognized him immediately--it was James. I took a step
backwards, trying to be quiet, hoping he hadn’t seen me. I wanted to get back into my room
and lock the door quickly. I couldn’t know for sure why he was coming up to the third floor,
but logic told me I was the only thing up here that would interest him.
I took a step and evidently the movement caught his attention because he looked up
directly at me. My eyes widened even more when a malicious smirk came upon his face. I
stared into his eyes and saw a spark that frightened me, a spark of anger and rage and lust.
He hurried his movements up the stairs and my heart started pounding fiercely, that voice
in the back of my head telling me to get away. I took a few steps back quickly and turned,
nearly sprinting to my door. I could hear his footsteps behind me, as he was also running
now. I grabbed the knob and turned it, opening the door and stepping inside. I grabbed the
door and swung it closed quickly, but his foot shot inside and stopped the door before it
could latch. The force of it caused the door to swing back open roughly, slamming into the
wall as he pushed it. My heart was racing wildly and I started backing away from the door,
glancing around quickly for something to grab, something to hit him with. I considered
screaming but was afraid that would only urge him on more, as I knew people like him got
off on women who verbally fought back. My mother had taught me that. Fighting only
makes it worse, makes it rougher, and makes them hurt you more. I could tell by the look
in his eyes exactly what he wanted, could tell by his expression that he was determined to
get it from me. He took a step in as I backed up, still frantically looking around for
something I could use. He closed the door behind him and my knees nearly buckled as I
heard the lock on the door click as he locked us inside together.
“Hmmm, alone at last,” he said softly, pulling off his coat and tossing it onto the table near
him. He was wearing a basic suit, making him appear almost respectable like a
businessman. But I knew he wasn’t respectable. He was callous and dangerous and evil,
and he was determined to take from me the one thing I wasn’t ready to give. It wasn’t his to
take; Dr. Cullen had sworn that it was mine and only mine to freely give away if I chose to.
He was going to do to me the one thing I was desperately afraid of having done, the one
thing I hoped to never have to endure. He was going to brutalize me, torture me for his own
twisted pleasure. The cruel man in front of me was here to rape me.
He loosened his tie, pulling it off. He pulled his shirt out from his pants, letting it hang
loosely. I started hyperventilating, backing up quickly, still looking around frantically. He
started toward me and I screamed, startled when a loud noise rang out and my pocket
started vibrating with a text message. I reached into it quickly, suddenly remembering my
phone. I thought maybe I could call someone quickly, alert Dr. Cullen or Emmett as they’d
surely come help me. I flipped it open and started pushing buttons frantically, having no
idea what I was doing, when it was snatched from my hand quickly. He threw it across the
room and it hit the floor with a thud.
“You be quiet and behave and I’ll take it easy on you,” he said. “There’s no point in fighting
anyway. Carlisle’s gone and that big oaf is downstairs with his girlfriend, he’s not
concerned with you. Hell, you’re no one special. You’re just a slave, none of them really give
a shit about you when it comes down to it. Yeah, Carlisle might be mad that I touched his
property but he’ll get over it. I’ll pay him for it afterwards, for your services. Actually, hell,
he doesn’t even need to find out. It can be our little secret. So take it like a big girl, like a
good girl would and I’ll make it worth it for you.” Tears started flowing down my cheeks
and I stepped backwards even more, my legs colliding with the footboard of the bed.
“Please, no. Don’t touch me, please. I’ll do anything, please just don’t do this,” I choked out
through my tears.
“Aw, come on, sweet thang, don’t be like that,” he said, smiling. I could tell immediately
that he enjoyed my begging, that it was making it better for him. “You serve for a living,
that’s why you exist. Don’t you like making people happy, pleasing them by doing a good
job? That’s all you gotta do now, do a good job for me. Please me.”
A song started ringing out from across the room from my phone, the song I recognized as
being the one I heard in Edward’s room that day. I had told him I liked it, that I related to
it. I immediately wondered if that meant he was calling, but it wasn’t as if that could help
me now. He wasn’t here to save me. He said he’d never let anything like this happen to me
but he wasn’t here to stop it. It was out of his hands. I couldn’t rely on him now, I had to
find a way to help myself.
“Fuck, I bet you’re tight,” he said, his smile growing. “Not like that last bitch Janet. She had
her benefits but she was too fucking loose for me.”
He stepped forward to close the distance between us, his hands going down as he started
unbuckling his belt. I felt sick and fought back the urge to heave as my body started
trembling with fear and disgust. I stepped to the side quickly, hoping to get around him but
I wasn’t quick enough. He stepped almost in sync with me, blocking my path. I took a few
steps backwards as started unbuckling his pants.
“On your knees, suck it and get me good and hard. And don’t you dare fucking bite me or
I’ll knock all your teeth out,” he said, his voice almost gritty with desire. The urge to vomit
won out at that moment and I turned my head to the side, dry-heaving. He grabbed my by
my hair and pulled my head to face, him his expression dark and angry. “Knock it the fuck
off, take it like a goddamn woman,” he said harshly. He pulled his gun from his waistband
as he undid the zipper on his pants, reaching over and sitting it on the table behind me.
“And the gun is locked, you won’t be able to shoot it, so don’t even get any stupid ideas
bitch.”
My phone started ringing again and he grabbed my head with one hand, roughly trying to
force me to my knees, as his other hand went into his pants. I realized I was out of time,
panic surging through me. I didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing, I just acted
on instinct. I reached behind me and grabbed the tip of the gun, bringing it up quickly. I
used every ounce of energy and strength I had and swung it, smacking him across the head
with the handle. It wasn’t enough to take him completely down, but it was enough to make
him stumble and wince. It was all I needed, a diversion. I just had to buy myself a few
seconds. The moment he stumbled and he let go of me I threw the gun across the room and
ran straight for the door. He recovered quickly and started after me, holding his pants up
and yelling that I was going to get it. I didn’t even want to know what he meant by ‘it’, but
whatever it was I knew I couldn’t handle it. I reached the door and undid the lock quickly,
my hand going to the knob. I went to turn it and he grabbed a hold of me, one of his hands
coming up and covering my mouth as I started to scream from fear. He turned us around
and pushed me roughly, sending me flying backwards. I fell onto my butt and closed my
eyes, trying to move away from him as he stalked toward me. I heard a slightly loud bang
and my eyes snapped open. I could see the light filtering in the room from the hallway,
indicating the door as open. James was blocking my view of the door and turned his head
around to look. Out of nowhere a red high heel appeared between his legs from behind
him, connecting with his privates hard. His knees buckled and he yelled out, his hands
immediately going to the area as he collapsed to the ground. I scampered out of the way
and my eyes widened with shock when I saw Rosalie standing there, scowling with her
hands on her hips. I forced myself to my feet and got away, running toward the door. I
expected Rosalie to follow me but she didn’t.
“No means no, asshole,” she said, her voice harsh. She pulled her foot back and kicked him
in the side hard.
I heard frantic footsteps and glanced out in the hallway to see Emmett run up, his cell
phone up to his ear. “Fuck me!” he exclaimed, looking in the room. His eyes widened with
surprise. “Christ, baby, did you do that? Fuck yeah! That’s my girl!”
Rose shrugged nonchalantly but a small smirk enveloped her lips. She glanced over at me,
as I was standing in the doorway trembling. “Are you okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “Fuck, yeah, are you okay kitten?” Emmett asked. “Christ, I’m sorry, I swear I
fucking thought he left, I didn’t know he was still here!”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’m fine,” I said, reaching up and wiping my eyes. I still had
tears flowing.
I heard muffled screaming and glanced at Emmett to see him holding his phone away from
his ear, wincing at the loud noise coming from it. “Dammit Edward, calm the fuck down, he
didn’t hurt her,” Emmett said. He glanced at me. “He didn’t hurt you, right?” he asked
quietly, holding the phone away.
I shook my head. I glanced over and saw James sit up, glaring at me. Emmett glanced over
at James, his face twisting with rage now that the shock was wearing off. “Isabella, go in
Edward’s room and lock the door. Rose, go with her. Edward, I have to go.” He hung up the
phone, his voice hard and cold. He stepped in front of me and I took a few steps backwards
into the hallway, opening Edward’s bedroom door. I glanced back into my room and saw
Rosalie reach down and pick up James’s gun from the floor. She gave me a quick glanced
before turning to Emmett.
“I’m not going anywhere, don’t you treat me like I’m fucking helpless Emmett,” she spat.
Emmett sighed but didn’t argue with her, just stepped around her.
I closed and locked Edward’s bedroom door, walking over and sitting on the edge of the
bed. I rocked myself slightly, stunned and still frightened and feeling sick, my body
trembling. I heard yelling out in the hallway almost immediately, loud banging and noises.
I brought my hands up to cover my ears, having no idea what was going on but not wanting
to hear it, I sat there staring at the clock in the silence, counting the minutes. 3 minutes
passed. 5 minutes passed. 8 minutes passed. I continued to rock and trembling, chewing on
my bottom lip as the tears flowed from my eyes. 16 minutes passed. 25 minutes. I removed
my hands form my ears, hearing silence. After nearly 30 minutes I heard frantic footsteps
out in the hallway. Someone tried to turn the knob of the door but it was locked and there
was no way I was getting up and unlocking it. I heard keys jingle and the door was
unlocked and pushed open roughly. I glanced up and saw Edward standing there, looking
frantic and disheveled and scared and hurt. He looked how I felt. He paused for a moment,
just staring at me sitting on his bed rocking and crying, before running over to me. He
picking me up quickly and sat down on the bed, cradling me in his arms. He started rocking
me and shushing in my ear, telling me I was okay, that everything was okay, apologizing for
not protecting me. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault, that he’d helped me, that he’d
made me a stronger person and if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have had the courage to
even try to fight back. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t get anything to come out. I merely snuggled
up to him as he rocked me, my face buried into his neck as I sobbed.
“I knew something was wrong when I sent you that message and I immediately got back a
bunch of jumbled letters. I tried calling a few times and got no answer, so I called Emmett
and told him to check on you,” he whispered, explaining himself to me when no
explanation was necessary. He held me tightly; obviously trying to make me feel safe again,
make me feel protected.
“Is she okay?”
I heard Dr. Cullen’s voice and glanced up toward the doorway. My vision was blurry from
tears, my eyes burning, but I could make out his expression and see the sadness in it. He
gave me a small smile when he saw me looking at him and I looked away quickly, closing
my eyes.
“She will be,” Edward said simply. “Is he gone?”
Dr. Cullen sighed. “Yeah, Aro’s driving him to the airport now, putting him on a plane back
to Chicago. Emmett messed him up pretty good, Rosalie even got a few shots in. I heard the
slice under his eye, the one that badly needed stitches, was from Isabella.”
Edward didn’t respond right away, continued to rock and shush me. "I would’ve killed
him,” he said finally after a moment, his voice completely serious, his tone hard.
All was quiet for a bit, and I kept my eyes closed, snuggled into Edward. I was beginning to
wonder if we were alone when Dr. Cullen’s voice rang out, his harsh and cold tone
shattering the silence.
“I would’ve killed him too.”
Chapter 31 What It Takes
“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength
to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by
thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and
spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.” -- Alex Karras
I slid out of my seat and strolled up to the teacher’s desk, holding my test out to her. She
looked at me with surprise at first, obviously because I fucking finished so fast, but she took
the paper from me gingerly after a moment. She gave me a little smirk and looked as if she
were about to say something to me, but I just turned my back to her and strolled back
toward my desk nonchalantly. I really wasn’t in the mood to humor her and make her feel
good about herself by flirting as if I actually would fucking desire her or some shit. I used to
get a kick out of the shit, charming the female teachers for the hell of it, but I didn’t give a
shit about it anymore. I didn’t need to flirt to get good grades; I could make them easily on
my own by using my fucking brain.
I slid back into my desk and pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up a game of
Sudoku to play to pass the time. The room was completely silent except for the sounds of
pencils scratching against paper and erasers rubbing frantically, and of course Tanya’s
ridiculous huffing. I didn’t do well with silence--it made everything grate on my fucking
nerves.
I gave up on the game after a bit, because the silence and the little irritating fucking sounds
were breaking my focus, and I opened up my messages. I plugged in Isabella’s number and
typed out “I hope you’re having a good day, tesoro”, hitting the send button quickly. I sat
the phone down on my desk, figuring it would take her awhile to respond if she even
fucking bothered, and glanced around the room. Everyone looked all focused and shit,
concentrating hard. Well, everyone except for Ben Cheney, since he was the only other
motherfucker in the class with a working brain so he was also already done.
My phone started vibrating less than a minute later, shocking the hell out of me. I snatched
it up to stop it from making noise, not wanting to piss anyone off or make them fuck up on
their tests because of me. I could be fucking generous and polite when I wanted to be. I
opened the new message, my brow furrowing instantly when I saw it. “vorazyvgs”.
I stared at it for a moment with confusion. At first I thought maybe she accidentally hit
some buttons with it in her pocket but then I remembered she had a flip phone, so that
wasn’t plausible. I couldn’t figure it the fuck out but it was bothering me. I glanced up at
the clock, realizing we still had at least 20 minutes until the end of class. There was no way
I could wait that fucking long, the wait was going to drive me insane.
I slid out of my seat and put my phone in my pocket, walking up to the teacher’s desk. I
leaned down and smirked that charming smile of mine when she glanced up at my face.
Her lips curved upward and her eyes brightened at my expression. “Can I use the
restroom?” I asked softly. She just stared at me for a moment, as I knew damn well she had
a ‘no one fucking leaves the room until all the tests are turned in’ rule, and it would take
until the fucking end of class for dumbass Tanya to finish.
“Uh, I don’t know, Edward…” she started. My smirk grew slightly wider.
“Aww, come on. Don’t make me beg,” I said, sounding suggestive like I was fucking flirting.
She stared at me for another moment before sighing.
“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes but smiling. I chuckled.
“Thanks,” I said, winking. I stood up and headed for the door, opening it and slipping out
into the hallway quickly. I started down the hall toward the bathroom, pulling my phone
back out and opening my contacts. I found Isabella’s number and hit the call button
quickly, bringing the phone up to my ear as I headed into the bathroom. I wanted to hear
her voice to confirm that everything was okay, as it was fucking bothering me now and I
had a weird feeling that something was off. It rang a few times before her generic voicemail
picked up. I hung up quickly and redialed the number again. I was starting to panic, hoping
she just was fucking around with it and couldn’t figure out how to get the shit to work. She
was home with Emmett and that fucker wasn’t as helpful as Jasper, and she didn’t seem to
be as comfortable with him so I figured she probably wouldn’t have the nerve to ask him for
any help. I’d have to show her how to work the phone properly later—I should’ve fucking
shown her earlier.
Her voicemail picked up the second time and I hung up, scrolling back through my contacts
until I found Emmett. I hit the call button and it rang twice before my brother picked up.
“Shouldn’t you be in class and shit, man?“ he asked right off the bat. I rolled my eyes and
groaned.
“Yeah, fuck you. Are you with Isabella?” I asked.

“I’m home,” he said simply, sounding all fucking relaxed and nonchalant.
“I know you’re fucking home asshole,” I spat, knowing damn well he couldn’t leave the
house since Dad ordered him to stay there. “I didn’t ask you that, I asked if you were with
Isabella.”
“Geez, Relax, bro. She’s upstairs in her room,” he said. I heard female laughter in the
background and recognized it immediately as belonging to Rosalie. I froze, realizing he
wasn’t paying Isabella a bit of fucking attention because his goddamn girlfriend was there.
“She said she didn’t need to be watched, that she was cool.”
I groaned with irritation. “You fucking idiot, you ever stop to think that maybe she doesn’t
fucking know any better? She’s not answering my calls and I just got some really fucking
random message from her and I need to know that she’s okay.”
I wondered immediately if I shouldn’t have said that and waited for him to ask me why the
fuck I was calling her or she was messaging me, and why the fuck I seemed to care so much
if she was okay, but he didn’t question my motives. “Alright damn, relax. I’ll check on her,”
he said. There was a strain to his voice and he started coughing after he got the words out. I
groaned, realizing he was smoking.
“Christ, Emmett, you’re getting fucking high?” I asked incredulously. I shook my head and
started pacing around the bathroom, aggravated and worried about her.
“Give me a break, man. I said I’m checking on her,” he said. There was a slight commotion
on his end and I heard him mumble ‘shit’ under his breath, followed by some muffled
noises as his breathing increased. I realized he was fucking running and my fear increased
when it dawned on me that something was really fucking wrong. I’d been hoping I was
overreacting but I was sure of it now, something was happening there.
“What the fuck is going on Emmett? Is it James?” I asked frantically, yelling and not giving
a shit if I disturbed any nearby classes. Someone yelped and I swung around to see some
little freshman prick walking in, but the sound of my voice made him freeze dead in his
tracks. I gave him a hard look and cocked an eyebrow at him. ‘What the fuck are you
looking at?” I snapped. His eyes widened and he turned and scampered the fuck out of
there quickly.
“Fuck me!” Emmett exclaimed. “Christ, baby, did you do that? Fuck yeah! That’s my girl!”
My brow furrowed when I realized he was talking to Rose. I started to curse, wondering if
he was even checking on Isabella when I heard Rose’s voice in the background asking if
someone was okay. “Fuck, yeah, are you okay kitten? Christ, I’m sorry, I swear I fucking
thought he left, I didn’t know he was still here!”
I froze again and felt the fear and dread coursing through me at Emmett’s words. I was
fucking right, someone was up there with her and I knew exactly who that motherfucker
was. I heard Isabella’s voice in the background declare that she was fine but I didn’t buy it
for one second. She was trying to play hard and be strong, but I could hear her goddamn
voice trembling through the line. I started screaming into the phone, yelling for Emmett to
fucking tell me what happened, screaming that I was going to murder that motherfucker,
yelling for him to fucking make sure he hadn’t harmed a goddamn hair on her head. I was
fuming and praying to fucking god that he hadn’t hurt her, that he hadn’t fucking violated
her because if he did I was going to castrate him before I blew his fucking brains out. No
one touched my goddamn girl unless she wanted to be touched and that prick was going to
pay if he did.
“Dammit Edward, calm the fuck down, he didn’t hurt her,” Emmett said while I was
snapping. I groaned and continued to yell and curse, my statements probably fucking
incoherent with my rage. I heard footsteps approaching and I glanced up toward the
doorway to see the principal walk in with that little freshman fucker I’d yelled at a moment
ago. I groaned louder, realizing the little shit went and told on me for goddamn bullying or
something.
“Isabella, go in Edward’s room and lock the door. Rose, go with her. Edward, I have to go,”
my brother said, his voice firm. I could tell he was fucking pissed and I started to ask him
what was happening, trying to get some goddamn information, when the line when dead.
“Shit!” I yelled, not even caring that the principal was standing a few feet from me, looking
at me like he was the goddamn police and I was some criminal he was here to arrest. I
glanced over at the little shithead freshman and my expression must’ve been intimidating
because he cowered behind the authority figure, I guess thinking he could fucking protect
him. But I could knock that motherfucker out with no problem, as he didn’t scare me a bit.
“Mr. Cullen, I’d appreciate an explanation…” he started, trying to sound firm but he knew
he didn’t intimidate me. He was fucking afraid of my father and I knew damn well he’d
never cross any lines with me, and risk having to face the wrath of Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I got
caught in the parking lot of the school getting high last year and he tried to expel me but
my father showed up that afternoon for a ‘parental conference’. One fucking conversation
in that mans office and it was like the shit never happened, the principal even fucking
asked me for forgiveness for him burdening me and causing me to miss class.
“And I’d love to give you one, really. There’s nothing else I’d rather fucking do than stand
here and try to explain shit to you, but I’ve got to get home. It’s an emergency,” I said
pointedly. I put my phone in my pocket and started in their direction, both of them
stepping aside to let me pass. The principal gaped at me, fucking stunned at my outright
disobedience but he didn’t say shit as I stormed past.
I sprinted down the hallway and out the door, not giving a shit that I was leaving my books
in the trigonometry classroom. I’d worry about them later. I ran out to the parking lot and
pulled my keys out of my pocket, pushing the button to unlock the doors. I slipped in the
drivers seat quickly and started the car up, not bothering with the fucking seat belt. I threw
the car in reverse and flew backwards, slamming it in gear quickly and flying out of the
parking lot so fast that rocks and dirt flew up and sprayed the fucking cars nearby. I flew
through the streets at triple the speed limit, wanting to get home as fast as possible. I
needed to personally make sure she was okay, needed to make sure he hadn’t violated her.
I flew through the back roads and hit the driveway to the house quickly, taking a sharp turn
and damn near losing it and taking out a tree in the process. I flew down the driveway and
skidded to a stop in front of the house, right behind dad’s Mercedes. I was so enraged that I
immediately reached under my driver seat for my fucking gun; it was like instinct when I
was so blinded with rage. It was what happened last year with Jacob, when I blew his shit
up. It was like I was on fucking auto-pilot and didn’t even realize what I was doing. I didn’t
feel it under the seat and realized after a moment that it was because the fucking thing was
still upstairs in my bedroom. I groaned, wondering what the fuck I was doing, as I couldn’t
just bust up in the goddamn house waving a glock around like a fucking maniac. I climbed
out of the car and slammed the door, jogging up to the house. I flung the front door open
quickly with so much force it bounced off the fucking wall. I heard yelling immediately
from the second floor, a few voices all blending together and sounding angry. They were so
loud and forceful that it stunned me for a moment and I froze. I glanced up and saw my
dad come down the stairs, his expression indicating that he was very highly pissed. He was
taking deep breaths, his fucking nostrils flaring from rage. He didn’t even look at me, kept
his eyes focus down at the floor in an attempt to calm himself down as he hit the foyer and
headed straight for the kitchen. I heard the angry voices grow louder and glanced up the
stairs to see Aro, my eyes widening with shock when I saw he was practically fucking
dragging James down the stairs and yelling at him about how disappointed he was.
Emmett and Rose were behind them, both looking pissed off and yelling. Rose was spewing
every damn curse she could think of, spouting off crazy shit like “son of a cock choking
whore” and “needle dick motherfucker”, and Emmett was yelling about how he was going
to fucking snap his neck. I just stood there, stunned at the scene playing out in front of me.
Rose reached over and smacked James on the back of the head once hard and I gasped,
shocked at her fucking bravery, or fuck maybe it was stupidity. James froze and turned
around toward Rose, obviously pissed that she hit him, but Aro grabbed a hold of him and
shoved him the rest of the way down the steps. Aro pushed him through the foyer with his
hand gripping the back of his neck and took him into the kitchen. Rose and Emmett
stopped in the foyer when they spotted me standing there, and I closed the door behind me
finally. Rose was still cursing loudly but Emmett quieted down and was eyeing me warily.
“I should’ve been watching her better,” he said, staring straight at me. I didn’t need to
fucking answer him; he already knew everything I’d have to say. He fucked up and there
was no goddamn reason to berate him on it when he recognized it. Emmett wouldn’t have
fucking done it on purpose, neglected his duty and shit.
“Just don’t let it ever happen again,” I said pointedly, walking away from him to glance in
the kitchen. James was standing up against the counter glaring at my father, who had some
fucking needle and thread and was sewing something up on the assholes face. He looked
pretty fucked up, I could see his eye swelling and nose busted with blood smeared around,
his lip swollen and split open. His hair was all fucked up and he was completely disheveled.
It wasn’t enough though, none of it was. That motherfucker shouldn’t be standing there, he
shouldn’t be breathing. I noticed his goddamn pants were unbuttoned and I started
shaking with rage, my breathing picking up. I glanced around quickly, wanting to see
Isabella. Rose walked up behind me and sighed.
“Your girl’s okay,” she said quietly. “She’s in your room.” I glanced back at her, my brow
furrowing and I started to panic a bit when she fucking called her my girl. How the fuck did
she know that shit? She saw my confused expression and rolled her eyes. “Don’t give me
that fucking look, I’m not an idiot.”
I glanced away from her and sighed, looking over at my father in the kitchen. Everyone else
seemed to fucking know already, it would only be a matter of time before he figured it out.
My father was saying something to James, speaking low so I couldn’t hear but from the
look on his face I could tell it wasn’t fucking nice. Aro was pacing the room, talking on his
cell phone and looking pissed. James snickered after a moment, pulling away from my dad
who was trying to finish sewing a cut up. I could tell my dad didn’t want to do that shit, but
he had no fucking choice. He was a goddamn doctor and the boss would expect it of him,
no matter how fucking sleazy the asshole was that was hurt.
“That fucking bitch wanted it, she was begging for it,” James sneered. I felt the fucking rage
boiling up when his words hit me and my legs started moving immediately.
“What the fuck did you just say?!” I yelled, heading straight for him. He glanced over at me
and narrowed his eyes. Aro heard me and took a few steps in my direction.
“I said she wanted me to fuck her,” he spat. I picked up speed and leapt right for him,
wanting to fuck him up for saying that shit. He tried to move out of the way but my dad was
standing in his path, blocking him from getting away from me. I pulled my fist back and
punched him square in the fucking nose, hard. He staggered backward, slamming into the
counter, and I punched him once more before Aro grabbed a hold of me and pulled me
away.
“You fucking liar! You’re fucking sick!” I screamed as Aro dragged me across the room.
James straightened himself up and brought his hand up to clutch his nose, as it was spilling
blood down his face. My dad threw a towel at him for him to catch the blood so it didn’t hit
the floor and shoved him roughly back into the counter, grabbing the needle and going
back to sewing him up immediately. He fucking jabbed him hard with it, intentionally
judging by the fucking smirk he got when James cried out a bit.
Aro pulled me out into the foyer and over toward the steps. I glanced around, noticing Rose
and Emmett were gone. “This isn’t fucking right,” I spat, pushing myself away from his
grip. I shook my hand as it hurt slightly from connecting with James’s nose with so much
force. I was pissed off that they were just standing around while that jackass stood there,
practically fucking mocking us about what he tried to do. Aro sighed, shaking his head.
“I know it’s not right, my boy. But didn’t we just have a conversation yesterday about how
personal feelings have no place in our business? I’m upset about it too, I knew he took an
interest in her but I didn’t think my nephew would pull such a thing and try to violate the
child. But as upset as I am personally about it, I can’t allow it overshadow the rules. He
disrespected your father by touching his property and he will face the consequences for
that, but it wasn’t a major violation, Edward. She’s just property, him using her would be
no different than him eating food from your fathers fridge without permission.”
I just stared at him, fucking stunned and pissed. “So she’s worth no more than a fucking
sandwich to you assholes? Is that what you’re fucking telling me? Oh, who gives a fuck if he
rapes a young girl, she’s no one goddamn special because she wasn’t lucky enough to be
born into a fucking powerful family. Who fucking gives a shit about how she feels, who
fucking cares if he brutalizes her,” I said with disbelief. He groaned, shaking his head.
“Quiet yourself before you upset your father,” he said firmly, his voice low. I narrowed my
eyes at him, wondering what the fuck he was so worried about my father hearing for and he
shook his head. “I didn’t say she wasn’t worth more than a sandwich, Edward. That girl
upstairs means more to your father than you clearly understand. But none of that matters
in the business world, things are black and white within the organization and you know
that. Just because she’s not just another slave to him personally doesn’t mean she isn’t just
another slave in the eyes of the business. You need to learn how to distinguish between
what’s personal and what’s business, you need to learn to follow the code of conduct here,”
he said, smacking me in the back of the head hard, “and quit following this so much,” he
said, smacking me in the chest where my heart is. I stumbled backwards, fucking stunned.
“The moment you cursed at me yesterday at the table I knew she had gotten to you here,”
he said, smacking me in the chest again. “And you’re going to cause problems if you don’t
start using this,” he said, smacking me in the head again. I grabbed his hand, because the
shit fucking hurt.
“Quit fucking hitting me,” I snapped. “And what the fuck do you mean she means more to
my father than I understand?” He smiled and shook his head, obviously not going to
fucking tell me. I was getting tired of all the goddamn secrets.
“You know I think of you as a son Edward, and I’ve always treated you as if you were my
own. I’ve always only wanted what was best for you. I’m not telling you not to let the girl in
here,” he said, tapping me lightly on the chest, “and even if I did want to tell you that, it
would be useless because I know it’s already too late. What I am telling you is not to let
those feelings override everything else. You need to be logical. It’s okay to allow your heart
to be in the forefront when you’re alone with her, but once you step out in the presence of
others, you need to allow this to take the lead,” he said, tapping my forehead lightly with
his pointer finger. “Do you understand what I’m saying? You need balance dear boy. I’m
not sure your father has you figured out yet, as he’s been quite overwhelmed with business
and dealing with his own issues, but if you keep it up it’ll only be a matter of time. You may
as well tattoo it on your forehead, son, with how obvious you’re acting.”
I groaned and ran my hands down my face, frustrated. I was fucking stunned that he had
me figured out so damn quickly. Everything was turning to shit so quickly. “Fuck," I
mumbled, shaking my head and running my fingers through my hair.
Aro smiled lightly. “Don’t stress about it,” he said, reaching over and clasping me on the
shoulder. “I understand she’s a sweet girl and you’re enamored. These things happen but as
you’re well aware, some people frown upon our kind, uh, mating with her kind. I myself
don’t see the big deal, as it’s evident you’d be hard pressed to find a woman more loyal than
someone like her. But it’s a fragile situation and not one that should be flaunted, especially
around your father. It’s an added stress and complication he does not need right now.
There are things you don’t know Edward, things I wish I could tell you but they aren’t my
things to tell. But trust me when I say it’s not the time to ignore reason. It will benefit you
greatly now and in the long run if you can learn the balance between the heart and the
mind, and act accordingly and appropriately in the right situations. Give the girl your heart
if you want, but act with logic and not on emotions when around your father and company.
Do you catch my drift?”
I nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, I get what you’re saying. I just didn’t really realize how fucking
obvious I was being.”
He smiled, shrugging. “One of the side effects of first love, it frazzles us. Just relax and keep
your cool, and whatever you do, be patient young one. It’s a complicated situation, one
you’ll have to tread lightly with. If you play your cards right and use that brain of yours, I
see no reason why you can’t someday be with that girl if that’s what you truly desire. But
now is not the time to parade your love for the world to see, and especially not the time to
go rubbing it in your fathers face. Never forget, Quella destinata per te, nessuno la
prenderà.”
I nodded, smiling lightly. I oddly felt slightly relieved that he knew and seemed at least
halfway accepting about it. “I’ll try. It’s fucking hard, though, just sitting back and not
doing anything sometimes.”
He nodded. “Would it surprise you to know your father still has that problem sometimes?
He’s so level headed usually but when it comes to something he has personal feelings for,
he still tends to overreact. I’ve spent years trying to get him to recognize the boundaries but
he still sometimes finds himself crossing the line and following emotion. That’s what makes
him so unpredictable and dangerous, why he wouldn’t be cut out to be the boss. You’re a lot
like him in that way, not always thinking before acting.”
There was a loud bang in the kitchen and I heard my father yell. Aro groaned. “Now likely
being one of those times with your father. Go on up and check on the girl, as I’m sure she’s
probably quite frightened being alone right now. I’m sure your father will understand and
not think anything of it, given the family’s feelings about sexual assault.”
He turned to head for the kitchen and I went for the stairs, ascending them quickly. When I
hit the second flight of stairs I starting to fucking sprint up them, desperately wanting to
see her. I felt like a fucking asshole, lingering around downstairs so long when she probably
needed me. I ran to my room and tried to push the door open, but it was locked. I didn’t
even bother knocking, as I knew she wouldn’t get up and get it. I pulled my keys out of my
pocket and unlocked the door quickly, pushing it open. My eyes fell on her instantly and I
just stood there, fucking staring at her for a moment in a trance. She looked so frightened,
rocking back and forth lightly and crying to herself. She sniffed loudly, trying to catch her
breath from crying and it brought me out of my stupor. I ran over to her, not giving a fuck
about the door, and pulled her up into my arms quickly. I just wanted to hold her, wanted
her to feel safe. I needed her to know that no one was going to hurt her, that she was okay. I
hated her being frightened in her own home--in our fucking home.
I cradled her in my arms and rocked her lightly, as the motion seemed to naturally soothe
her some. I was shushing her, trying to get her sobs to lessen, and whispering to her how
fucking sorry I was that this happened. She wasn’t physically hurt, he hadn’t been able to
violate her, but she was fucking breaking down inside and I wanted to fix her. I was
rambling off everything in my head, trying to find the right thing to say to mend her. She
was so afraid of being raped and she just stared down that fucking fear, came face to face
with it. She was so fucking strong and I knew she probably didn’t feel like it right now, but
she was. I apologized for not being there for her, for not being around to help her like I’d
fucking promised I would be. I swore to her that shit would never happen and I fucking
failed her and wasn’t there when she needed me. Thank God for my brother and his
girlfriend for stepping in because I was useless to her when she needed me most. I fucking
failed her, just like I failed my mother. I hadn’t fucking helped her when she needed it, had
been useless to her, and now I’d done the same fucking thing with my Bella. I’m fucking
worthless when they need me most.
She was sobbing into my neck, gripping onto me so fucking tightly that she was damn near
hurting me. But I didn’t give a shit. She could fucking batter me and bruise me, and draw
fucking blood and I wouldn’t flinch, I’d sit here and take it if it took her pain away some. I’d
hurt for her, I’d suffer for her because she shouldn’t have to feel pain alone. She shouldn’t
have to fucking feel pain, period.
I squeezed her to me tightly, hoping she’d feel safe with me, hoping this wouldn’t make her
shy away from me. I explained to her that I knew something was wrong from the text
message, and how I’d called Emmett. I hoped she fucking understood that I wanted to be
there for her, that I’d tried to help her even though I’d personally failed at protecting her.
I caught movement in the doorway and glanced up to see my father. I made eye contact
with him and he watched me with Isabella for a moment. I wasn’t worried about him being
suspicious as I knew I could fucking play this moment off. I just sat there and rocked her,
shushing her quietly.
“Is she okay?” he asked after a bit. The concern was evident in his voice and I knew he
really wanted to know and wasn’t just up here for appearances. Isabella’s head snapped up
at the sound of his voice and she glanced at him. He smiled lightly at her, and I could tell he
was trying to be consoling in his own way. My father wasn’t good with the sentimental
bullshit, wasn’t good at trying to make things right or making people feel better and
cheering them up. But he fucking tried and I had to give him some credit for even
bothering to come upstairs. Isabella looked away from him quickly, putting her head back
down into the crook of my neck. My father’s smile fell instantly and he stared at her, a
baffling expression on his face. He looked unhappy for sure but there was more to it. He
looked like he honestly fucking cared about her and that he was hurt. I was so confused; I
couldn’t seem to figure it out. They were hiding something about Isabella--that much was
fucking clear as day. If Aro’s words downstairs about Isabella meaning more to my father
than I knew didn’t give them fucking away, my father’s expression just did.
“She will be,” I said, because it was the truth if I had anything to do with it. And I wasn’t
just talking about the incident. I was talking about overall. My girl was going to be okay, I
was going to make sure of it. “Is he gone?” I asked hesitantly, hoping like hell that
motherfucker wasn’t still downstairs.
“Yeah, Aro’s driving him to the airport now, putting him on a plane back to Chicago.
Emmett messed him up pretty good, Rosalie even got a few shots in. I heard the slice under
his eye, the one that badly needed stitches, was from Isabella,” he said. I nodded slightly
but sat quietly while I continued to rock her, trying to fucking absorb it all. I was stunned
that she’d hurt him--that she’d actually fought back. I was proud of her, my chest fucking
swelling with satisfaction that she’d stood up for herself somehow and fucking hit him with
something. But I pushed those feelings away quickly, because it was no fucking time to be
feeling good about anything. She was hurting and needed to be reassured that she wasn’t
alone, that I was here for her.
“I would’ve killed him,” I said. If I had been the one to save her, I would’ve ended his life.
Aro wouldn’t have been happy about it at all, especially judging by that personal versus
business conversation we had downstairs, but I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. I
glanced over at my father and saw his attention was fixated on Isabella, as he was staring at
her fairly intensely. She had her eyes closed and was still crying but had thankfully quieted
down some since I first walked in. He was so transfixed on her I wondered if he’d even
fucking heard me speak, but after a few moments he replied.
“I would’ve killed him too.” My eyes widened slightly as his gaze lingered on Isabella for a
moment longer before he reached inside and grabbed the doorknob, pulling the door
closed. I sat quietly, rocking and shushing her, while I heard his footsteps go down the
hallway and hit the stairs. He was leaving me alone with her, leaving me to try to fix up her
wounds once again.
Aro was right--I may as well fucking tattoo it on my forehead.
I rocked her for a few minutes longer, until her sobbing seemed to diminish almost
completely. She was still sniffling but she seemed calm for the most part. “Bella, baby?” I
said softly. “How about we lay down, okay?”
She nodded her head slightly and I stood up, still cradling her. She gripped me even tighter
and was trembling slightly. I walked over and lay her down on the bed with her head on the
pillow. She clung to me when I tried to pull away and I chuckled lightly. “I’m laying down
with you, relax,” I mumbled. She hesitated but let go finally. I stood up and stretched my
back out briefly, as it was fucking sore from sitting there rocking her but I didn’t care—it
was worth it. She was worth it. I kicked my shoes off and walked around to the other side of
the bed and climbed in, wearing my fucking jeans and a button up shirt but I didn’t give a
shit about that at the moment. She rolled over to face me and I reached down, grabbing the
comforter and pulling it up over us. We didn’t need it, the temperature in the room was
comfortable if not slightly warm, but I thought she’d feel more secure covered up.
Her face was blotchy and streaked with tears, her eyes bloodshot from crying. I reached
over to brush some wayward hair out of her face and she flinched back but I didn’t let it
bother me. I tucked her hair behind her ear and ran my hands over her cheeks, wiping
away the tears. I shifted slightly closer to her, not wanting to fucking invade her personal
space but wanting her to be comforted by my presence. It usually seemed to help her,
anyway.
She stared into my eyes for a bit and I stared back. The tears had stopped flowing but she
looked completely worn out, exhausted. “Do you want to take a nap?” I asked softly.
“No,” she said, her voice hoarse from sobbing. “I just want to lay here for a bit.”
I nodded. “Do you want me to leave?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting to stay if she’d prefer
to be alone. Her eyes widened immediately and she shook her head no frantically. “Okay,
don’t worry. I’ll stay. We can stay here as long as you want. We can fucking lay here for a
week if that’s what tickles your fancy.”
She cracked a small smile and I gave her one in return. We just lay there quietly, gazing at
each other. After a bit I brought my hand over and hitched it over her side and started
rubbing her back gently. I moved slowly and hesitantly, afraid that she’d not want to be
touched so I was gauging her reaction to it. It didn’t seem to bother her thankfully. She
shifted herself closer to me after a minute or so. I smiled and closed the rest of the distance,
damn near pressing my body against hers. She shifted her head over after a moment and
pressed her forehead against mine, closing her eyes. I brought my hand up and started
stroking her hair softly. I could feel her breath on my face and she smelled so sweet that I
wanted to taste her, kiss her, but I was afraid that would be inappropriate.
She pulled her head back after a bit and opened her eyes again, looking at me. “I’m sorry,”
she whispered.
My brow furrowed and I looked at her with disbelief. “You’re sorry? What are you sorry
for?”
“For being so pathetic and weak. For falling apart like that,” she mumbled, rolling her eyes
and frowning. I sighed and shook my head, realizing my guess was right and that she felt
worthless.
“You aren’t weak, nor are you fucking pathetic. Christ, Isabella, you fought back. That shit
took strength and courage. You have every fucking right to be shaken up by what
happened, you have no reason to be apologizing for anything. You did damn good Bella
Ragazza. What did you hit him with anyway?” I asked.
She sighed. “His gun. I couldn’t find anything else and he sat it down on the table so I
grabbed it and smacked him across the face with it,” she said quietly, sounding almost
fucking ashamed by it, but I was stunned. She’d fucking pistol-whipped him? The courage
that took, especially with her obviously being afraid of guns, was startling.
“Damn, that was fucking brave,” I said, wanting her to realize that I was glad that she’d
fought back. “I’m proud of you.”
Her eyes widened slightly at my words. “You’re proud of me?” she asked with disbelief. I
smiled and nodded, realizing my fucking pride was honestly irrelevant but I wanted her to
know anyway.
“Hell yeah I’m proud of you. You fought back, not many people have the courage to do
that,” I said. She stared at me for a moment before smiling lightly.
“I did it because of you,” she said softly. My eyes widened that time.
“Me?” I asked. She nodded.
“I thought about you and knew I couldn’t just give in to him, knew that if you’d been there
you would’ve told me to fight back so I did,” she said. I felt my fucking chest swell at her
words.
“Good. Because no one fucking touches my girl unless she wants to be touched,” I said
firmly. She smiled and blushed that fucking beautiful shade of pinkish-red.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “For protecting me, since you know it scares me.”
I sighed, nodding. “No woman should ever be violated that way. That’s one thing my
mother always taught us and made sure we understood. She used to always say that no
matter the circumstances, no matter a woman’s situation, she should always retain power
over her sexuality. She knew about the whole slavery thing, most people in the organization
own people and of course she fucking hated it but she knew she could do nothing to stop it.
It’s too big, too far out of her hands. But one thing she couldn’t accept was people using the
ones they owned for pleasure-seeking. She always said a woman’s body was a temple and
you should never enter it without an invitation. Of course I was just a fucking kid so I didn’t
really understand at the time but she stressed it so much that I remembered the words and
got what she was saying when I was a bit older.”
She nodded and stared at me for a moment before leaning her head forward slowly,
brushing her lips to mine softly. I kissed her back briefly but made sure to keep it innocent,
not wanting her to feel pressured or anything. She pulled back away and smiled lightly,
laying her head back down on her pillow. “She sounds like she was a good, passionate
woman,” she said softly. I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, she was. It was a subject that meant a lot to her. She, uh…” I paused and ran my
fingers through my hair nervously. It was a difficult fucking subject and hard to talk about
but I felt like she should know for some reason. I wanted to share this with her, as it was
something I’d never fucking talked to anyone about. I didn’t know if anyone ever actually
explained it to Alice and Rose but I imagined so, since they seemed to understand our
stance on the issue. It was the reason my father was such a stickler on the subject, why he’d
want to kill anyone who tried it under his roof. “My mother was, uh… raped,” I said
hesitantly.
Her eyes widened slightly and she stared at me. “She was?” she asked with surprise. I
nodded, messing around with my fucking hair again nervously.
“It was when she was younger or whatever, I don’t know the details. But she was never
ashamed of it, wasn’t ashamed to call herself a survivor. She never really had to work
because my dad had so much money, but she spent most of her free time volunteering as a
rape advocate, helping victims of sexual abuse cope and deal with it. My dad doesn’t like to
talk about it but he still donates a shitload of money every year to the rape center in
Chicago that my mom worked at, in her name in honor of her memory or whatever,” I
mumbled.
“Wow,” she said softly, still looking a bit stunned. I nodded and sighed. We stared at each
other for a moment before I reached over and pulled her to me, shifting us around a bit so
her head was on my chest. She snuggled up to me and I kissed the top of her head.
“That’s the reason I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to let me touch you. Your body
is your temple and I won’t come in it unless you want me to,” I said. The moment the words
left my lips I busted out laughing, realizing how perverted it fucking sounded. I wouldn’t
come in it?! Christ, could I be any fucking more of an idiot? “Yeah that sounded fucking
sick, I didn’t mean it that way,” I said, laughing and shaking my head. Isabella lifted her
head up to look at me and was eyeing me with confusion.
‘What was sick about that?” she asked. I groaned—of course she wouldn’t fucking get the
perverted connotation of what I’d said.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s not a big deal,” I said, shaking my head. She narrowed her eyes
slightly, obviously not liking my evasiveness.
“I want to know,” she said. I groaned and closed my eyes, knowing I couldn’t fucking not
explain it to her if she wanted to know. I was a sucker for her, she had me wrapped around
her fucking finger.
“When a person gets off, you call that ‘cuming’. They’re cuming, ya know,” I stammered.
She was watching me attentively, her expression so fucking serious that it was making me
nervous. “So when I said I wouldn’t come in it, it sounded like I was fucking saying I
wouldn’t, you know, cum inside you.” She was staring at me with confusion still and I
groaned. “You know very little about sex, don’t you?’
She nodded hesitantly, looking embarrassed. “I mean, I know what goes where or
whatever…” she mumbled. I sighed.
“There’s a lot more to it than just sticking something inside something. It’s about touching
and caressing, cherishing and worshiping. It’s about making the person feel good. And
fuck… how do I explain this shit? There comes a point where it builds up and it starts to
kinda tickle I guess and then it just hits you and the most intense pleasure ever flows
through you. I mean, it’s not that easy to explain. I guess it’s kinda like how right before
you sneeze, how you have that brief pause when it’s building up inside and you’re almost
fucking paralyzed when it finally hits you? You know what I’m talking about?”
I felt like a goddamn idiot stumbling through this. How the fuck do you explain an orgasm
to someone so clueless about all things intimate? Thankfully instead of looking at me like I
was stupid, she smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it feels good, like some tension is being
released,” she said. I smiled.
“Yeah, exactly. It’s kinda like that but multiplied by like a thousand. Your whole body
tingles and relaxes, it feels fucking great. That’s what it means to get off. And you don’t
have to go the whole way and have sex to get off, you can do that just by touching and
caressing. I mean, people call it different shit, like orgasming or ejaculating or cuming or
busting a nut or whatever, but it’s all the same.”
Her eyes widened and she turned bright fucking red, averting her gaze from me. My brow
furrowed and I tried to think about what the fuck I’d just said, hoping I hadn’t said
anything too fucking vulgar. I was trying to be sensitive about the shit for her. “Isabella?
Did I say something?”
She glanced over at me and smiled sheepishly. “Busting a nut?” she asked hesitantly,
raising her eyebrows. I shrugged.
“Yeah, some people call it that. Why?”
She shook her head, still looking embarrassed. “I just… I mean, Emmett said that earlier
today, told me to ask you what it was when I didn’t understand,” she said softly. I stared at
her with shock for a moment before groaning and rolling my eyes.
“That fucker,” I said, shaking my head. “Why the fuck was he talking to you about busting
nuts?’ I wasn’t so sure I liked the idea of him, of all fucking people, giving her a sex talk.
That fucker could be crude.
She shrugged. “He said it was your favorite pastime, that he never thought he’d see you
give up your girls and that you must…” she started, but trailed off and shrugged, once again
averting her eyes from me and blushing, looking almost fucking scared.
“That I must what?” I asked curiously, wondering what my fucking brother said to her. I
figured if Rose knew he’d fucking know and I wanted to know what the fuck he was saying
to her that pertained to our relationship.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said quickly, shaking her head. I narrowed my eyes slightly.
“It does matter, what did he say? I mean, yeah, I like getting off, it feels good. But I don’t
need any of those bitches for that, I don’t want them anymore. I told you that you’re the
only girl I want in my life and I meant that. I can get myself off, I’m not ashamed of that
shit,” I rattled off, watching her. Her eyes widened slightly for a second before she smiled
lightly with a twinkle of curiosity in her eyes.
“You get yourself off?” she asked hesitantly, watching me inquiringly. I groaned and closed
my eyes briefly.
“Yes, I do. And you could too, which is why I suggested you touch yourself. But that’s
besides the point, you’re trying to divert my attention from the question at hand. What did
Emmett say?” I asked.
She sighed. “I don’t remember,” she mumbled. I didn’t believe her for a fucking minute, as
she wouldn’t even look at me.
“Bullshit,” I said firmly. She glanced at me and froze, looking like a fucking deer caught in
the headlights. “Why are you lying to me?”
She shook her head, just gaping at me, looking like she was afraid she was in fucking
trouble for lying. I mean, fuck, what was she so afraid of telling me? “Uh, he just…” she
started, sighing and closing her eyes. “He said he thought you… I mean, because you
haven’t been with the other girls he just thought maybe…”
I lay there patiently waiting while she stumbled through the words, still not fucking telling
me what Emmett said. I sighed after she paused again and reached over, cupping her cheek
with my hand so she’d look at me. Her eyes met mine and I held her gaze for a moment
before leaning over and kissing her lightly. Her lips parted immediately and my eyes
widened when I felt her soft wet tongue graze against my bottom lip. I opened my mouth
and deepened the kiss, bringing my tongue out to mingle with hers. I was stunned that
she’d taken the fucking initiative that time, as I surely didn’t expect that shit. We continued
to kiss for a bit, our mouths moving together slowly but passionately, our tongues stroking
each others in sync. It was fucking hot, just kissing her. My dick started to harden and I
groaned into her mouth when I felt her hand on the nape of my neck, slowly working its
way upwards into my hair gently. She ran her fingers through my locks, gripping a handful
and pulling my head toward her even more. Her breathing was growing erratic and shaky
and I felt her fingers trembling. It scared me for a moment and I went to pull my head
away, afraid that it was too much for her, that after what she’d gone through today she
couldn’t take it, but the moment I pulled back she gripped me tighter and moved with me. I
opened my eyes and my kissing faltered when I saw the fucking look on her face. She had
her eyes closed so I couldn’t see into them, but I knew if they were open I’d see the desire
plain as day. It was written on her expression, emphasized by her breathing and trembling.
It stunned me and I fucking wondered if she even understood how she was feeling herself,
but it was clear to me. My girl was aroused.
I reached over and place my hand on her hip and she jumped slightly at my touch but she
didn’t open her eyes, nor did she stop kissing me. I let my eyes drift back closed, allowing
myself to just fucking feel the sensations of her mouth on mine and her hands in my hair
and I started lightly rubbing her hip. She started to squirm a bit and let out a soft moan
that went straight to my cock. It grew harder than I’d ever fucking felt it before and I pulled
my head away from her quickly, breaking the kiss. She opened her eyes and lay there
staring at me, breathing heavily. I was right, as the moment those chocolate brown orbs
met mine I saw the fucking lust twinkling in them. She blinked a few times, looking
stunned while she caught her breath.
I fucking wanted her, more than I’d ever wanted anything. The throbbing in my pants was
almost excruciating but I knew now was not the time to push limits or explore, not after
what she’d fucking gone through. He hadn’t touched her or violated her, but he’d fucking
scared her and she needed some time to deal with that. I didn’t want to rush her or push
her, even if she seemed to want to go further.
“We have to stop,” I said, catching my breath. She stared at me for a moment and I saw a
flicker of hurt cross her face. I blinked a few times and shook my head. “Not because I want
to, we just… You know… not today,” I mumbled. She nodded after a moment and brought
her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on it, looking fucking nervous. I brought my hand
out and brushed my fingers across her lips, which were swollen slightly from the force of
the kiss. She released her lip from her teeth and smiled lightly. I returned her smile and
leaned over, giving her another small kiss.
“You’re amazing,” I murmured, brushing my nose along her jaw line after pulling my lips
from hers. She sighed contently.
I pulled away and lay my head back down on my pillow, reaching over and wrapping my
arms around her. I pulled her to me quickly, squeezing her tightly. She rolled over onto her
other side and snuggled back into me, with her back against my chest and her hair
sprawled out on the pillow in front of me. I shifted my body slightly, draping an arm over
her and holding her tightly but moving my lower body away so not to press my still
throbbing cock into her. That would be wrong on so many levels, even though that
hormonal fucking teenage boy inside of me wanted nothing more than to fucking grind it
against her tight little ass.
The room was quiet, the only sounds being those of our breathing and the slight whistling
from the air blowing into the room from the vent in the ceiling. Isabella brought her hands
up and held onto the arm I had draped over her, taking one of her hands and linking our
fingers together. She brought our hands up to rest at her chest. After a moment I felt her
breath and the slight dampness from her mouth as she brushed her lips across my
knuckles, which were slightly swollen and bruising from punching James. I wondered if
she knew that, if she saw they were swollen and that’s why she kissed them. I smiled to
myself and closed my eyes, inhaling the luscious smell of her hair. It was fucking sensual,
just lying with her and holding her.
We lay there for a while, neither of us speaking or moving. Her free hand that wasn’t
holding mine was gently rubbing my forearm so I knew she was still awake. I couldn’t see
her face so I didn’t know how she was feeling, if she were smiling or upset or whatever, but
her silence had me curious.
“What are you thinking?” I asked softly, trying to be fucking quiet but because the room
was so silent it startled her. She jumped slightly, but her gentle caress of my arm didn’t
cease so I knew I hadn’t fucking scared her too much.
“Just wondering if… uh, I don’t know,” she mumbled. “It’s stupid.”
My brow furrowed with confusion, my curiosity growing. “Nothing you think is stupid. You
can tell me anything you know, you can ask me anything you want.” She sighed and
continued to rub my arm, lying completely silent for a few moments.
“Do you think…” she started, pausing and taking a deep breath. Her hand start trembling
slightly and I grew worried immediately, wondering what the fuck had her so scared. I
didn’t like her being afraid of anything; I wanted to take all her fucking worry away. “Do
you think that you could ever, uh… love someone… like me?” she asked hesitantly after a
moment, practically fucking whispering the word ‘love’. Her hand was really shaking now
from nerves and I froze, stunned about her question. I don’t know what I expected her to
ask, what I expected her to be thinking about, but it sure as shit wasn’t that.
“Uh, I mean…” I started, blinking a few times and shaking my head, trying to fucking clear
my mind so I could be coherent. I was stunned to even hear her say that word. Before I
could gather my fucking thoughts together and actually answer she interjected, her voice a
bit panicked sounding.
“Emmett just said that he thought you might… you know. But just forget I asked, okay? I
told you it was stupid,” she said. She obviously tried to push it back but I could clearly hear
the fucking devastation in her voice. She took my hesitance as rejection and I couldn’t have
that. She just got the fucking guts to bring up the subject of love, a subject I wasn’t even
brave enough to bring up, and I freeze up like a goddamn chicken shit.
“I could never love someone like you, Isabella, because there isn’t anyone like you,” I
blurted out quickly. She froze, her body tensing up slightly. “That didn’t fucking sound
right, Christ. If you’re asking me if I love you then yes, Isabella, the goddamn answer is yes.
I fucking love you.”
Her hand on my arm stilled and squeezed, clutching tightly. I felt her entire body tremble
lightly as her breath hitched. “You… love me?” she whispered.
I sighed. “Yes. And maybe it’s too soon for me to be in love but I feel it and I can’t deny the
shit. I didn’t even really know what romantic love was until you walked into my life but I
know now. And I hope that doesn’t freak you the fuck out or anything and I don’t expect
you to feel the same, I told you I’ll take whatever you give me,” I said, not wanting her to
feel more obligated to me because I was so emotionally invested in her.
“But I do,” she said. “I do… love you, Edward.”
The moment the words rolled from her lips I felt that fucking swell in my chest, stronger
than ever before. My heart was pounding erratically and I felt like it was going to fucking
explode. The feelings were so intense they almost hurt. I remembered hearing my dad tell
my Aunt Esme once that he loved my mother so much that it physically hurt, but that it was
a good hurt, and I didn’t fucking understand what he meant by that but I got it now.
Because there was a pain in my chest, originating right in the middle of my heart, but it
wasn’t a bad pain. It was the greatest pain I’d ever felt. It was the pain of all consuming
overflowing true fucking love, so intense that it took my goddamn breath away.
Neither of us said anything after that, we just lay there together, enjoying the silence,
enjoying just fucking being in love together. Her breathing regulated after a bit and I
realized she was sleeping. I gave her a small kiss on the head and let my eyes drift closed,
falling into a restless sleep.
I heard the haunting melody filtering into my subconscious, the notes recurring in my
mind and playing out, a constant reminder of that night. It was the nightmare that came
often. I had just learned to play that song on the piano and was so proud. If I had known
what would happen that night, I would’ve chosen something happier, something livelier
than Chopin’s marche funèbre. I’ve asked myself thousands of times why I had to choose
the goddamn funeral march to play that day. But I didn’t know what was going to happen,
there was no way I could’ve predicted it. At the time I thought maybe it was my fault,
maybe I’d brought bad luck upon us by playing something so morbid, so omniscience. It
was irrational and illogical but I was only eight, entirely too fucking young to have to deal
with something like that.
The melody grew louder in my mind, taunting me. I could see my mothers face, her wavy
hair and sparking eyes, that proud smile of hers. She was so fucking beautiful and always
glowed so much that she looked like an angel. I was a momma’s boy--my mother was my
world. I followed her everywhere, would do anything she asked of me. My brothers were
always outside playing, getting dirty and riding bikes and running around like banshees
and I was always standing right in my mother’s shadow, asking her if she wanted any help.
Asking her if she’d play a game with me. Asking her to practice piano with me. What
fucking 8-year-old boy has his mother for his best friend? God, I loved her. She was so
patient and kind and compassionate and so fucking nurturing. She spoiled me rotten with
love. She did little things, like bake me cookies and make me cherry cokes, just to show me
how much she cared about me.
And she’d been so fucking proud of me that night, just completely gushing over me. I heard
her words filtering past the haunting melody in my mind. “My sole,” she said, her voice soft
and sweet but fucking beaming with joy. She always called me her sole, her sun, because
she said I shined so brightly. I was her sunshine; I added warmth to her world, made
everything brighter and fresher.
She was laughing, the sound so overwhelming it almost drowned out that tortuous melody
in the background. Her laugh was light and carefree, so happy. It was such a beautiful night
that she said we’d walk home instead of calling for a car to pick us up, and I was worried
about Dad being upset, as he hated ever leaving us unprotected at night on the streets, but
she insisted it was fine, that daddy would understand. I trusted her, I wouldn’t argue. My
mom was a goddess, infallible. If she said it, I believed it.
It came out of nowhere. Images started flashing in my mind, so fast and frantic my brain
could barely keep up to register them. The tires screeching. The look of pure terror on my
mothers face. Their voices, so cold and mean, their words so ugly. My mom yelling for me
to get out of there. “Run, Edward!! Run and don’t stop baby!!” Her screams, so loud in the
night but there was no one around to hear her. I was frozen, because it was my mom and I
couldn’t leave without her. I didn’t want to go alone; she had to go with me. I was her
fucking sole, always in her shadow. I had to stay by her side, that was where I belonged.
Her frantic looks when she saw I wasn’t budging, the fucking overwhelming fear in her
eyes. She fucking knew right then, she knew it was the end for her. But she was thinking
about me, her youngest, her heart. “If you love me, Edward, you’ll run,” she said firmly as
the tears spilled from her eyes. I hesitated, so fucking afraid, but the moment she firmly
screamed, “GO!” just as they got to us I turned and fled the opposite direction down the
alley.
“Shut her up!” a man yelled. My mother screamed the most terrifying, bone-chilling scream
I’d ever heard, so unnerving my knees nearly buckled. My steps faltered and I turned
around, frightened. They were hurting her, they were hurting my mother! She was my
world and they were hurting her!
The loud bang of the gunshot ricocheted in my mind and I sat up abruptly, screaming. I
glanced around quickly, fucking startled as usual. I realized I was in my room and clutched
my chest, trying to get my heart to slow down. I glanced beside me and saw Isabella’s eyes
were wide, her face overshadowed with her concern. She was worried about me.
I let my body fall back onto the bed and groaned, running my hands down my face. I was
sweating and shaking, my breathing erratic. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm
myself down, and reached out to Isabella. I half expected her to fucking flee from me but
she surprised me by instead climbing back into my arms, snuggling into my chest. I
wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly, rubbing her back. She lay quietly,
not fucking pressuring me to talk, not asking for an explanation. She was so understanding,
so much better than I deserved.
“I was eight,” I said finally, my voice thick. I felt the fucking tears building up already and
cleared my throat, trying to fight them back. I wanted to fucking tell her this now, I wanted
her to know. “I had a piano recital, I’d just made it to level 7 in skill. It was late when it was
over and my mother wanted to walk home because it was so nice out and she wanted to
take a stroll and look at the stars. She always fucking loved nature and never got enough of
just enjoying the beauty of the world. We lived a good distance away and we took a shortcut
through some back alleys. A car pulled up, a black car with dark windows. It was a fucking
mobster’s car, you could tell that just by looking at it. She saw it and she fucking knew, I
don’t know how but she did. She told me to run, to leave her there and I didn’t want to. But
she made me; she fucking told me if I loved her I’d run. And I fucking loved her and always
listened to her, so I ran.” The tears were falling down my cheeks in streams now, there was
no use fighting it. They’d fucking come whether I wanted them to or not. “I made it to the
end of the alley and she screamed, and I turned in enough time to see some man shove a
gun in her mouth and pull the trigger. The blood splattered the fucking wall of the building
beside her and she dropped to the ground with a thud. I screamed for her and they looked
up at me. There were two of them and one pointed his gun at me and I turned to fucking
run, because she told me to not stop and I’d fucking already not listened once, so I didn’t
want to do it again. Another loud bang rang out before I could turn the corner and the
worst burning pain ever ripped through me. But I didn’t fucking stop, ignored the fucking
pain and the blood pouring out of me. I ran and hid behind a fucking dumpster a few
blocks away, shaking and crying for my mom that lay dead in the fucking street. I passed
out eventually from a combination of the pain and blood loss.”
I paused to clear my throat again, taking a deep breath. “Apparently someone followed the
blood trail I left and found me. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital and
seeing my dad, seeing the fucking devastation on his face. He was crying and I’d never seen
him cry before. He was sitting beside my bed chanting ‘it’s all my fucking fault’. I told him
it wasn’t his fault, that it was mine. I wanted to make him feel better, didn’t want him to be
broken. My father was the strongest person I knew, he always intimidated me back then
with his demeanor. And fuck, it was more my fault than his. I fucking ran. I just left her
there to die, just fucking abandoned her. She fucking needed me and I let her down”
I let out a shaky breath, not even bothering to wipe away the fucking tears or quiet my
crying. Isabella didn’t let go of me and I just squeezed her tightly, just feeling her fucking
warmth and life. I couldn’t lose her. I couldn't deal with another loss like my mother.
She was quiet for a while, her hand stroking my chest lightly. I appreciated the gesture,
appreciated her touch. She sighed after awhile and raised her head up to look at me. I
blinked a few times, stunned when I saw her face was also streaked with tears.
“You didn’t let her down,” she said. “You did exactly what she needed you to do.”
I stared at her for a moment before reaching out and brushing the tears from her cheeks.
“And what’s that?” I asked softly.
She gazed into my eyes intensely, reaching her hand out and wiping my cheeks just as I’d
done hers. “You survived.”
*****
Sole = Sun
Quella destinata per te, nessuno la prenderà = “No one will take the one who is destined
for you." (aka 'true love waits')
Chapter 32 - All Was Said
“How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that
birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens
behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss,
and all was said.” -- Victor Hugo
I pulled myself up and glanced at the alarm clock sitting on the small table, sighing softly to
myself. Edward shifted around a bit, sensing my movement, and murmured in his sleep.
He held onto me and I lay my head back down on his chest, not wanting to leave the
warmth and comfort of his embrace.
It was very early morning, slightly after 5am according to the clock. Today was
Thanksgiving and I knew all of the boys would be home for the holiday, as they’d had the
week off of school, and Dr. Cullen had the day off of work. I had a big meal planned and
needed to get downstairs to the kitchen to get it started, but Edward’s bed was entirely too
comfortable to leave.
It’s been a few weeks since the encounter in my bedroom that day with James, when Dr.
Cullen’s mob friends from the organization came to visit. The rest of their stay went by
fairly uneventful thankfully and they departed that Saturday morning to return back to
Chicago. They kept their distance from me the rest of the visit, none of them speaking to
me or even acknowledging my presence when I was nearby. They treated me as I had been
used to being treated by everyone in Phoenix—they acted as if I didn’t exist. I thought
maybe they were all annoyed because of me, that they despised me because of what
happened with James, but Edward assured me that wasn’t the case. He said they were
simply trying to be respectful toward me because of what happened, because of what one of
their own had tried to do to me. He said most of the people in the organization would be
ashamed of James’s actions, that as a whole the organization was against harming women
and children. I didn’t quite get it, as most of them owned female slaves so in essence wasn’t
that hurting a woman? He said it wasn’t the same but when I pressed him for an
explanation he couldn’t seem to come up with one. He’d stammered his way through some
words and ended up snapping out of frustration and telling me that “it was just fucking
different and that’s that”, whatever that meant. I didn’t press him any more on it, just took
his word on the fact that the men didn’t approve of James’s actions and they were trying to
be respectful toward me. That concept baffled me in itself, though; I couldn’t seem to grasp
the idea that those men would ever have cause to want to be respectful toward someone
like me. Respect was a concept I knew very well, as I was forced to feign respect toward bad
men my entire life, and I understood that to men like my father and Dr. Cullen receiving
respect was vital to their survival in their line of business. But the thought that they’d ever
respect me even a smidgen in return never crossed my mind. I was a slave--they saw me as
being someone’s property. The only explanation I could come up with was that it was
because of the man I belonged to. I had to admit that the rest of the men didn’t come off as
being anywhere like James—they weren’t outwardly rude or obnoxious. The rest of them
were quite quiet and had a certain presence to them, a sort of refinement, and one thing
they all seemed to share was a common admiration for Dr. Cullen. Even the Aro man, who
Dr. Cullen indicated was his boss, seemed to think highly of my master.
I spent that entire first day after the confrontation with James locked away in Edward’s
room, and everyone left the two of us alone for the most part. We napped and I was woken
up to the sound of Edward’s piercing scream, startling me with his evident panic. He
looked so frightened, was sweating and his body was trembling. It stunned me, and I sat
frozen for a moment, completely worried about him. He glanced over at me when he
realized he wasn’t alone and pulled me to him, holding me tightly. I felt onto him and could
feel his chest rising and falling erratically, his breathing shaky. I clung to him tightly,
wondering what was wrong with him but not wanting to pressure him to talk. I knew
exactly what he was feeling, considering I too woke up screaming at night, and knew how
hard it could be to open up about the things that haunt us. After a few moments he seemed
to settle his breathing and he started telling me the story about his mother dying, how he’d
been there and watched her violent death, witnessed the life leaving her. He told me his
inner turmoil, his irrational hurt and guilt for leaving her at that moment, for not doing
anything to help her or stop it when in actuality he couldn’t have done anything. He was
helpless and that wasn’t his fault—he was only a child at the time. I couldn’t imagine the
pain he’d had to live with over the years, coping with what he saw and experienced. I’d
watched people die, watched their lights go out, but I’d never allowed myself to have an
emotional attachment with any of them. It was clear that Edward’s mother had been his
entire world at the time, so to watch the thing that mattered most to you disappear right in
front of your eyes was inconceivable to me.
I started to truly see exactly how much Edward and I could relate to each other at that
moment. We both were haunted by things we could do nothing to stop, both of us helpless
to the emotional and mental pain inflicted upon us. We’d both shed blood and faced down
death and we both survived, albeit both of us were a bit broken inside because of it. Edward
and I were so different outwardly, lived in completely different worlds, but yet we were so
much the same inside.
I lay in his arms and clung to him, crying as he told me about his mother’s death. I cried for
her life ending, cried for her fear and pain in those final moments when she knew she was
at the end. And I cried for him, for his immense loss and his pain, both emotional and
physical. I wanted him to see that he hadn’t failed her, that he hadn’t been a
disappointment. He’d done exactly what she needed him to do. She needed to know that
he’d be safe, that he’d survive and trudge on and be okay in life without her. Because that’s
how mothers were with their children, even my own mother. They hope for their children’s
future, even if they themselves have no future to look forward to.
And seeing Edward’s tears had hurt, seeing him cry and be in such pain broke my heart. I
didn’t want him to hurt, didn’t want him to be broken. Edward always seemed so strong to
me. Seeing his tears had shattered that very last piece of wall I’d kept up around my heart,
the last small defense I had to block myself off.
We’d spent the rest of that day napping and cuddling, just being together in the quiet room.
He was giving me time and I appreciated his patience so much. I’d been worried about
what Dr. Cullen would think with us being up there together but Edward assured me that
because of their history on the subject with rape, his father wouldn’t really question it. He’d
left the room twice, once to grab something to eat, and the second time to retrieve his
schoolbooks, as one of his classmates apparently stopped by the house with them for him.
Evidently in his haste to get home to check on me, he’d left everything sitting in his
classroom at school.
The next morning we got up and finally left the room, both of us going back to our reality.
He went to school and I pushed forward, trying to put the incident behind me. James was
gone and I was safe, there was no reason for me to wallow or linger in the fear he’d caused.
I needed to be strong and continue on, I couldn’t allow him to break me. I couldn’t allow
him to have any power over my life. Enough people controlled me, I didn’t need him to be
another one. I had very little free will, but one decision I could make was how I was going
to react to what he’d tried to do. I could’ve easily allowed it to force me back into my shell,
but he wasn’t worth that.
We fell into a routine after that day. Before we left his bedroom that morning, Edward
informed me that we were going to have to tread lightly around his father, and assured me
that I had his love and nothing would change that. He told me to not take his behavior
around others to indicate his true feelings toward me. He made me promise that I’d always
remember that—that no matter what may be said or done in the company of others, I’d
remember that the truth was that he loved me with all of his heart. He said we needed to be
cautious, and I completely understood that, but I couldn’t lie and say that the first few
incidents weren’t disheartening.
He acted detached, completely uninterested. And because I loved him so entirely, it hurt to
see such indifference from him. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t the way he truly felt, and
although my mind understood, my heart still took it personally. I returned his indifference,
which wasn’t hard for me as I was used to suppressing my thoughts and feelings in front of
others. After a few days it got easier, but it still wasn’t something I liked to do or
experience. I wished we could just be us, that we could just be together and be happy, but I
knew it simply wasn’t possible. I often found myself wondering if it ever would be possible
and although I had hope, part of me truly doubted it and wondered if maybe I was simply
setting myself up for total destruction. It was too late to change course or go back, though. I
was on my path and I wouldn’t have it any other way—I’d face whatever consequences I’d
meet and it would be worth it at the end, to have experienced Edward’s love.
And when we were alone, it was quite easy to see that Edward Cullen truly loved me. It was
so overwhelming, the idea that the beautiful creature could honestly be in love with me.
But he told me often and each time the words would bring tears to my eyes, and he showed
it with his actions when no one else was around. He treated me so tenderly and
affectionately, like I was truly a treasure to be adored. He was so kind and patient, so
understanding. He was such a beautiful man and I felt so blessed to know him, to have him
in my life.
I lay there for a few minutes in bed with Edward, glancing up into his restful face. He
drifted back into a deep sleep after awhile and started snoring lightly, which caused me to
giggle a bit. He made the funniest noises when he slept sometimes. I may have full
conversations with myself in my sleep occasionally, but Edward groaned and grunted and
mumbled all night long.
We still managed to sleep together nearly every night, one of us quietly slipping into the
others bedroom in the middle of the night. The first few nights after Dr. Cullen’s company
left we were forced to stay apart at night, as Dr. Cullen hadn’t yet turned the cameras off in
the hallways and we had no logical reason to be in each other’s room at night anymore if he
watched and saw it on the surveillance. And neither of us really got any sleep those days,
because we’d become accustomed to having the other in bed so sleeping alone seemed
wrong almost.
And sleeping with Edward was heavenly. He never really touched me, with the exception of
hand holding and kissing, and maybe an occasional rubbing of my back or stroking of my
hair, but it was intimate in it’s own way. I wasn’t really afraid of him touching me, as when
he kissed me I could feel my body reacting to him on its own and I was so curious about it,
wanting to explore further. But I was too shy to say anything. I knew I wasn’t ready to have
sex with him and didn’t know when or if I would ever be, but he’d said you could do it just
by touching and that intrigued me. Could I touch him and make him feel good, like those
other girls made him feel? He didn’t make me feel like I had to, but I wanted to. I loved him
so much and his happiness meant so much to me. I wanted to make him happy, wanted to
make him feel good. He told me often how good I made him feel inside, but could I make
him feel good on the outside too? Would he even want me to do that? I had no idea what I
was doing though, no idea how you’d touch a man to make him feel good and was
embarrassed about asking.
I shifted myself carefully off of Edward after a bit, making sure not to disturb him and wake
him up, and slipped out of the bed. I stretched briefly to get the kinks out and squinted,
trying to see my surroundings. Edward always kept the blinds drawn and had the thickest
curtains I’d ever seen, so even if the sun was rising outside, the room would still be
shrouded in darkness.
I maneuvered my way through the clutter, as he still hadn’t allowed me to really clean his
room up, and caught my foot on one of his schoolbooks laying open near the door on the
floor. I stumbled forward, nearly losing my balance but thankfully caught myself. I
grumbled a bit under my breath, reaching down and rubbing my foot from where I’d kicked
it. I glanced over at Edward to make sure the slight commotion hadn’t disturbed him and
saw the covers shift a bit as he moved around, but he stayed asleep. I grabbed the doorknob
and opened the door quietly, slipping out into the hallway. I closed the door behind me and
dashed across to my room, opening the door and ducking inside. I slipped my pajamas off
and tossed them in my hamper, grabbing a pair of khakis and a brown top and pulling
them on. I went into the bathroom and washed my face, brushing my hair and pulling it
back, trying to make myself look decent.
I headed out of the bedroom and went for the stairs immediately, descending them quickly
but quietly. The house was completely silent and dark and I imagined the four of them
would likely sleep in since it was a special occasion. Honestly, I didn’t know for sure, as this
was my first holiday at the Cullen house. All I was told was that they’d be staying home and
relaxing, and Dr. Cullen told me just to make whatever a Thanksgiving dinner consisted of
at the Swan residence. I’d gone to the grocery store the previous Friday night with Emmett
to get a few groceries and the necessities for today’s dinner, as Edward had been out of
town for his football game. It was his last one of the year apparently, as they lost and were
out of the playoffs. Jasper had gone to the game with Alice, and Rose was grounded so
Emmett had volunteered for the job. Grocery shopping with him was an entirely different
experience than shopping with Edward. Edward was quite passive and reserved when
shopping, grabbing the usual and sticking to what he knew, whereas Emmett was more
enthusiastic about the job. He’d scour the isle and check out packages and point things out,
proclaim loudly how awesome things were and how necessary it was that we try them. It
was almost embarrassing and was very distracting, as I’d lose my focus and forget what I
was doing when he was yelling loudly from the next isle about something he wanted. Quite
a few times I burst into laughter, nearly to the point of tears, when he’d round the corner
with an armful of junk food, smiling brightly and laughing, nearly skipping with joy. We’d
ended up with two entire carts full and an outrageous bill, which Dr. Cullen hadn’t been
entirely happy about. He could afford it, of course, but he said it was the principle of it. He
couldn’t understand why Emmett would need four different flavors of ice cream, didn’t
seem to get Emmett’s explanation about how it was essential to buy both twisty and
straight pretzels. Dr. Cullen just shook his head and declared it was the first and last time
he’d be given the job, that he was forever banished from grocery shopping.
I hit the foyer and headed into the kitchen, flicking on the overhead light since it was still
so dark. I was rarely down here so early in the morning, as I usually didn’t get up each day
until after the sun rose. The light was bright and harsh, unexpectedly so, and I winced and
flicked it back off quickly. It hurt my eyes and I blinked a few times, trying to let my vision
adjust once again. I walked over to the fridge slowly, pulling it open and grabbing the
turkey sitting on the bottom. It was heavy and I grunted when I picked it up, throwing it up
on the counter. I got the roasting pan out of the cabinet and started getting the turkey
ready to put in the oven. Thanksgiving was one meal I was quite confident with, as I’d been
helping cook it since I was old enough to reach the countertops. The first Thanksgiving
with Charles after the elder Swan’s passed away years ago I got a pretty bad beating
because the timing of dinner was off and the turkey was ready 20 minutes later than
Charles wanted it ready. Ever since then I’d gotten great with timing things, making sure
food was done perfectly and on time.
When the oven was preheated and the turkey was put together, I slid it into the oven. I
started pulling stuff out of the fridge and cabinets in order to throw together the cranberry
sauce and the homemade pumpkin pie, and to start putting the stuffing together for later. I
opened the fridge door and glanced inside for the eggs, my eyes widening slightly when I
saw there was none where they usually sat. Emmett had helped me put the groceries away,
or had at least tried, so I hoped that maybe he put them in the wrong spot. I squatted down
and started pushing stuff around, starting to panic a bit when I didn’t find them behind
anything. There was no way I could make dinner without eggs, they were definitely
essential. I started pulling things out of the way, frantically looking, knowing they had to be
in there somewhere. I tried to think back and remember if I’d gotten them at the grocery
store, as eggs were always important and I wouldn’t have forgotten them, but Emmett had
me so unfocused and distracted that I could barely recall most of it.
I realized after a moment that my searching was fruitless, as I’d moved everything at least
three times and there simply weren’t any. I must’ve forgotten them at the store. I groaned
loudly to myself, shaking my head. “Shit!” I spat quite loudly, gasping immediately as the
word registered as rolling off of my lips. I heard a cough behind me and jumped up quickly,
spinning around so fast that I made myself dizzy and nearly fell over. I grabbed the fridge
door to stabilize myself and squinted in the dark. I could see the form standing in the
shadows and realized that I might’ve just been caught cursing. When the dizziness
subsided and my vision adjusted my gaze fell upon Dr. Cullen. He was standing in the
doorway to the kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest. He was dressed pretty casually,
with a pair of khaki’s and a black polo shirt. His hair was slightly damp from a shower,
making it a shade darker than his usual bright blonde, and was slicked back. I stared at him
for a moment with wide eyes, my heart racing erratically, and he stared right back. I was
starting to panic a bit., as I didn’t know how long he’d been there and was unsure if he’d
actually heard me. I was hoping not, as I wasn’t sure how he’d react to me saying a foul
word.
“I, uh…” I started nervously, eyeing him warily. I wasn’t sure what to say, why he was
standing there.
“Shit?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at me. I felt dread course through me, realizing he
indeed heard what I’d said.
“I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t realize what I was saying, it just slipped out,” I
rattled off quickly. He shook his head and smiled.
“It’s all right,” he said, shrugging. My eyes widened with surprise, shocked that he didn’t
seem to care. He chuckled at my expression. “What, did you think you were in trouble?” he
asked.
I nodded slightly. “I mean, well, I’ve never said a word like that before…” I started. He
looked at me with surprise, his eyes widening.
“That was the first time you’ve ever cursed?” he asked. I nodded.
“I knew better than to say those things at the Swans,” I said. My eyes widened when I
realized what I said and I shook my head quickly. “Not that I don’t know better here, I
didn’t mean for it to sound that way. It’s just that, I mean, there it was different and here
isn’t different…” I paused, unsure how to explain it, knowing I was coming off as a babbling
idiot and my words weren’t making any logical sense. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t
fear him as a master, didn’t want him to think I was intentionally being disrespectful. He
smiled and held his hand up to stop my rambling and I ceased talking immediately, eyeing
him warily.
“It’s not a big deal. I’m honestly surprised you don’t say more. It’s a side effect from
hanging out with my youngest so much, he tends to have that effect since he’s so fond of
saying unsavory things,” he said. He was eyeing me intensely, like he was trying to gauge
my reaction to what he’d said. I wondered immediately if he was tricking me or if this were
some sort of test, but so far Dr. Cullen had proven that he wasn’t one to play games with
people. He said what he meant and meant what he said. But still, him mentioning Edward
made me nervous.
“Yes, Edward does seem to be fond of colorful words, but I try to avoid them, so not to get
in the habit and accidentally saying them at inappropriate times, like in the presence of my
mast… uh,” I stalled, realizing I was about to call him my master knowing he didn’t like
that word. He stared at me and raised his eyebrows, obviously waiting for me the finish.
“…In the presence of those that deserve utmost respect.”
He smiled. “That was a nice catch,” he said, shaking his head and chuckling. ‘You’re quick
on your feet.”
I smiled lightly in return to be polite, but he was still making me very nervous. “Thank you,
sir. I meant every word though. You deserve my respect and saying such words in front of
you is inappropriate.”
He sighed. “You don’t have to kiss my ass, Isabella. I appreciate it, but it’s unnecessary. My
children curse at me all of the time,” he said shrugging like it was truly no big deal.
“But I’m not one of your children, sir,” I said simply. He stared at me for a moment, his
gaze intense.
“No, you’re not,” he said finally. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, which was
drying and shifting back to the bright blonde shade I was so accustomed to seeing. The
motion messed his hair up slightly and I smiled involuntarily, thinking of Edward. “So why
were you cursing, anyway? Is there a problem?” he asked after a moment. I sighed.
“We have no eggs, sir,” I said hesitantly, unsure of how he was going to respond. It was my
responsibility to make sure we had the food we needed and it was evident I’d failed in that
task. “I guess… I didn’t get them at the store.”
He nodded. “I’m not surprised, given that disaster of a shopping trip. Who needs seven
different flavors of potato chips, anyway?” he asked, his brow furrowing. I shrugged and he
sighed, shaking his head. “Anyway, I guess that means we need to go to the store then,
doesn’t it?” he asked. My eyes widened slightly and I nodded hesitantly, surprised at his
reaction. I expected at least irritation at my failure but he completely understood, didn’t
even appear to place any of the blame on me at all.
“I guess so,” I mumbled. He smiled.
“Go put your shoes on and grab your coat and we’ll go,” he said. I just stared at him for a
moment, stunned. He chuckled, shaking his head. “Today, if you don’t mind.”
“Yes, sir,” I said immediately, afraid my hesitance was annoying him. I walked past him
and out of the kitchen, heading up the stairs quickly. I walked quietly on the third floor, not
wanting to wake Edward up, and slipped into my room. I grabbed my coat out of the closet
and slipped it on, zipping it up. It was navy blue in color and was a bit lightweight, but it
was the only one I owned and would have to work. I pulled some socks on and slid on a pair
of brown shoes. I headed out of the bedroom, shutting the door quietly once again, and
descended the stairs. Dr. Cullen was standing in the foyer with his coat on, rocking back
and forth on his heels while he waited. He glanced up and spotted me, frowning at my
appearance.
“Is that the only coat you have?” he asked. I nodded hesitantly, wondering what was so
wrong with it. He sighed. “You’ll need a heavier winter coat soon. I’ll have to try to
remember to ask Alice to get you one.”
I nodded. “Thank you, sir,” I said softly, a little stunned that he’d be buying me even more
stuff. I had so much already as it was.
“Don’t mention it, dolcezza,” he said softly, smiling lightly while gazing at me. His
expression was soft and quite startling, as he was looking at me like he actually cared about
me. I looked away from him quickly, as it was a bit uncomfortable, and glanced down at the
ground. I started chewing on my bottom lip nervously, unsure of how to take his mood. Dr.
Cullen was so hot and cold with me and it always felt like he knew more than he should,
like when he looked at me he could tell all of my secrets and that scared me. I’d been
thinking a lot about what he’d said that afternoon when his company was here and I ate
dinner with them. I wondered exactly how long Dr. Cullen had known of me, wondered
how much he knew about me. He cleared his throat after a second and I glanced up at him,
noticing he looked to be feeling just as awkward as I felt. “We should get going,” he said. I
nodded and gave him a small smile before heading for the door.
I opened the front door and shivered the moment the cold air hit me. Dr. Cullen walked out
behind me and glanced in the driveway, groaning loudly with irritation. My brow furrowed
and I glanced up, wondering what had him upset. He stood in spot and I glanced up at him,
noticing he appeared to be concentrating on something.
“Sir, is there a problem?” I asked, wondering why we were just standing there. It was
freezing out and my body was trembling from the cold, my nose already starting to run. He
sighed.
“Edward has my car blocked in,” he said, shaking his head. I glanced over at the vehicles
and noticed Dr. Cullen’s black car was pulled up to the house and Edward’s silver car was
pulled up right behind it, parked crookedly as he usually parked. I asked him once why he
always parked the opposite direction from other people and he said it was so his car didn’t
get hurt by idiots who couldn’t park a car if their life depended on it, whatever that meant. I
didn’t understand, as it seemed to me that he was the one who couldn’t park a car, since
everyone else did it the same, but that was just him I suppose. Edward could be so
confusing sometimes.
“Wait here a second,” he said. Dr. Cullen turned and went into the house and I stood on the
porch, sniffing and shaking, wishing he’d hurry up and let me inside of a vehicle so I could
get warm again. He retuned after a second and shut the front door. He gave me a smile as
he walked off the porch and I followed behind him. My eyes widened with surprise when he
headed toward Edward’s car with a key in his hand. He unlocked the passenger door and
opened it, nodding his head to motion for me to get inside. I climbed in hesitantly, buckling
up while Dr. Cullen shut the door. He walked around to the drivers side and climbed in,
reaching down to move the seat around. I wondered immediately if Edward was going to be
upset about his father messing with his car since he was so finicky. Dr. Cullen seemed
pleased with the position of the seat after a moment and shut the door. He reached
between us and opened the center console, glancing inside of it. He closed it after a second
and reached across me, causing me to tense up slightly by his close proximity. He opened
the glove box and glanced inside of it, slamming it closed after a second. He glanced beside
him, looking in the crevices between the seats, before reaching down under his seat. He
chuckled after a moment and pulled his hand up, my eyes widening when I saw he pulled
the gun I’d seen Edward have out. He glanced at it for a moment, eyeing it peculiarly. He
checked to see if it was loaded briefly before reaching down and sliding it back under the
seat. He sighed and started the car up, shaking his head and chuckling to himself.
He turned the heat up and I sat still as it blasted me, warming me up so my trembling
stopped. He pulled out of the driveway and headed out onto the road, driving in relative
silence. He turned some music on after a moment and fiddled around with Edward’s radio,
trying to find something to listen to. It was slightly tense, an awkward silence between us,
but I didn’t know what to say so I just sat quietly.
Because it was so early and a holiday, every store we passed was closed. But he continued
to drive on in silence. After a little over an hour of driving he spotted a store with an
“Open” sign flashing and pulled into the parking lot. He glanced over and gave me a small
smile, climbing out. I opened the door and stepped out, following him into the store.
He walked back toward the dairy section right away, grabbing the first dozen of eggs he
spotted immediately. I watched him and fought back the urge to tell him to open the carton
and make sure none of them were broken, as I didn’t think it would be right to tell him
what to do. He turned and lifted them up slightly, smiling like he was quite proud of
himself. I gave him a small smile in return. “Anything else?” he asked. I shook my head no
and he nodded. He started strolling toward the register, seeming to be in no hurry now that
he had the eggs in hand. He put them up at the check out and glanced beside us at the
display of candy. He scanned it quickly before smiling and reaching over. My eyes widened
with shock when he grabbed a Toblerone bar and tossed it up with the eggs. “Do you want
some chocolate?” he asked.
“Uh, no thank you,” I said, still slightly stunned that he also ate Toblerone bars. He looked
at me with confusion but nodded after a moment and turned away. The lady rang up his
items and he pulled his wallet out, handing her some cash. She gave him his change and he
thanked her politely, grabbing the bag and heading toward the car. He opened the
passenger door and held it open for me as I slipped inside. He closed it and walked around,
climbing into the driver’s side. He reached back and sat the eggs on the backseat, pulling
his candy out of the bag. He started the car up and opened his chocolate, taking a bite. I
was watching him curiously and started giggling after a moment, a little in awe about how
similar his son really was to him.
He heard my laughter and glanced at me, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?” he asked
with a smile. I shook my head, still laughing lightly.
“Nothing, you just reminded me of Edward. He always gets that candy bar every time we go
to the store too,” I said. He chuckled.
“Yeah, I introduced him to the wonder that is Toblerone’s. I used to buy them when I
travelled to Europe and brought them home to the boys. That was back before you could
buy them in the stores here in America,” he said. I smiled and nodded, understanding. He
started the car up and took another bite of his chocolate before sitting it down in his lap
and putting the car in gear. He pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the highway
heading toward the house. He was quiet for a bit before he sighed and turned to me.
“You guys seem to get along pretty well,” he said. My brow furrowed and I turned to him,
wondering what he was talking about.
“Who?” I asked hesitantly. He glanced at me briefly before focusing back on the road.
“You and Edward. I have to admit, when I first retrieved you from your father I was a bit
worried about how you and him were going to get along. I know my son can come off a bit
abrasive and you were so timid, I was afraid he’d frighten you with his behavior and
attitude. But you seem to be quite at ease with him. It’s a bit surprising, I wonder why that
is,” he said, glancing back over at me. He had an expectant look on his face, as if he were
truly seeking out an explanation for that. I panicked internally a bit, worried he was
figuring me out, but I kept my outward calm.
“I’m not sure,” I said hesitantly. I wasn’t sure how to explain it so it would make even a
smidgen of sense without making him suspicious. “I guess maybe because he’s so straight
forward. It doesn’t take a lot of guessing on my part to anticipate his reaction to things.”
“I guess I can see the logic in that,” he said shrugging. I nodded and turned to gaze out the
window, not wanting to have to discuss it any further. Dr. Cullen didn’t push it thankfully
and said no more on the subject. He brought up random topics, such as the weather and
the holiday, asking me about whether or not I’d participated in any holidays at my father’s.
By the time we reached Forks an hour later, the tension and awkwardness had seemed to
lessen slightly. I still wasn’t entirely comfortable with Dr. Cullen and doubted I ever would
be, but it was nice to not be completely fearful of him again.
He reached the house and pulled the car up the driveway, parking it along the side so it
wasn’t blocking his car in anymore. I got out of the car and shut the door while Dr. Cullen
grabbed the eggs and locked the car up. We headed toward the house and Dr. Cullen
opened the front door for me, motioning for me to head inside. I stepped into the foyer and
glanced up to see Edward standing a few feet away, a staggering expression on his face. He
looked worried and slightly hurt, maybe even a bit frightened. My brow furrowed,
wondering what had him so upset. He glanced behind me as Dr. Cullen walked in and his
expression shifted quickly to anger. Dr. Cullen looked at him and sighed.
“If you don’t want me to drive your car, maybe you shouldn’t block mine in,” he said
shrugging. Edward rolled his eyes.
“You could’ve just fucking moved it and took yours,” he said, sounding irritated. I realized
he must’ve been worried about his car and that’s why he seemed so upset when we walked
in. Edward cherished his car, that was for sure.
“Yeah, I could’ve. But ya know, I paid for it so I thought what the hell,” Dr. Cullen said.
Edward rolled his eyes again but didn’t argue. Dr. Cullen held out the bag of eggs to me and
I took it gingerly, hesitating for a second before turning and heading for the kitchen. I went
back to work quickly, wanting to get dinner put together.
I spent over half the day scampering around in the kitchen cooking and they all left me
alone for the most part. They sat around the living room watching football and chatting
amongst themselves. I’d occasionally catches glimpses of Edward and he’d shoot me quick
little smirks or winks when his father wasn’t around to see, but we didn’t exchange many
words besides a few casual polite ones in passing. At one point he came into the kitchen for
something to drink and deliberately brushed up against me. I could feel his chest against
my back, the warmth of his body filtering through our clothes and reaching my skin. It
made my entire body tingle and I let out a soft moan at the sensation, which Edward
countered with a throaty groan of his own. His father walked in the kitchen a few seconds
later and the moment was over, but the feeling of the tingle on my skin lingered.
I started setting the table and taking things over to it as they finished, and was about to pull
the turkey out of the oven when Dr. Cullen walked in. “I can get that for you,” he said. I
glanced up and him and smiled, grateful as it was quite heavy. I stepped out of the way and
he pulled it out, sitting it on the counter. I checked to make sure it was perfect, not wanting
to serve them anything half-assed. “How about you go upstairs and wash up and change
your clothes quickly and come down for dinner. I can set the turkey on the table. We’ll wait
on you,” he said, smiling. My eyes widened with shock, as I hadn’t planned on actually
having dinner with them. I still hadn’t gotten in the habit of staying and eating at
dinnertime.
“Okay,” I said, still surprised but knowing from his expression that he wouldn’t take no for
an answer on the subject. I wiped my hands off and headed for the stairs, heading up them
quickly. I got to my room and went inside, pulling some clothes out. I went into the
bathroom and glanced in the mirror, slightly stunned at how disheveled I looked. I was
splattered and splashed with food, my pants scummy from wiping my hands on them. I
stripped and washed up quickly, pulling on a pair of black pants and a pink top. I slid on
my black ballet flats, not wanting to go downstairs barefoot, and brushed my hair out. I left
it hanging and tucked it behind my ears. After I looked decent I headed back down, pausing
in the foyer when I spotted Edward. He smiled lightly and his eyes lingered down my body
for a moment before he brushed by me and headed upstairs. I walked into the living area
and the other three glanced up and me and smiled, but focused their attention right back
on the game. Edward returned a moment later and Dr. Cullen cleared his throat and stood
up.
“All right, let’s eat,” he said. Emmett’s face brightened and he jumped up, running for the
table. The rest of the guys laughed and I smiled at his enthusiasm. I walked over to the
table and Jasper pulled a chair out for me politely. I gave him a small smile and whispered
‘thank you’, sitting down. It was odd, being treated almost like a guest at the dinner table.
Jasper sat down beside me and Edward sat across from me, just as he’d done the only other
time I ate with them.
They all bowed their head and I followed their lead, and Dr. Cullen said a quick blessing. I
was surprised that he’d pray, as he didn’t seem to be that type of person considering the
type of business he was in, but the fact of the matter was Dr. Cullen was still a mystery to
me. After the prayer he started carving the turkey and we all got food, helping ourselves.
They had some polite conversation for a bit and I sat quietly, taking a few bites, but I was
nervous about being at the dinner table with them so I didn’t eat much. After about 15
minutes Dr. Cullen cleared his throat and I glanced up at him, pausing movement of my
fork. “We’re going to go around the table and share with each other what we’re thankful
for.” My eyes widened slightly and he smiled. “It’s a custom of ours, we do it every year.
Something my wife started.”
I nodded and he turned his head to look at Emmett. Emmett put his fork aside, leaning
back in his chair. “I’m thankful for Rosalie, and those luscious lips of hers,” he started with.
Dr. Cullen rolled his eyes and the other boys laughed. His father waved him on after a
moment. “I’m thankful to finally be graduating from high school soon, going to college.
Thankful for everything we got, of course. And thankful for this food because it’s fucking
great! Thank you, Isabella!” he exclaimed. I blushed as he looked over at me with
enthusiasm and everyone laughed. Dr. Cullen looked at Edward next, raising his eyebrows
expectantly.
Edward sighed. “I’m thankful for the Volvo, damn thankful you didn’t return it scratched,”
he said, cocking an eyebrow at his father. Dr. Cullen smiled and nodded. “I’m thankful to
be home, out of that ridiculous boarding school. I’m thankful for music and my gun. I
fucking love my gun.”
I glanced up at him with surprise as he nodded to himself, smiling. Dr. Cullen chuckled.
“Yeah, it’s a nice gun, I was checking it out in your car. A 1911 .45 ACP, powerful little thing.
Where’d you get it from?”
Edward glanced at his father and shrugged. “I suppose I don’t recall,” he said, smirking. Dr.
Cullen chuckled and shook his head.
“Fair enough,” he said. “Are you done?”
Edward shrugged. “I’m thankful for you all, even if you get on my fucking nerves
sometimes. Oh and orgasms, I’m definitely thankful for those.”
My eyes widened at his words and everyone else laughed. “Jasper,” Dr. Cullen said.
“Alice for loving me. Dad for all the support, financial and emotional. My brothers for
companionship. Isabella for all she does for us, and for being my friend despite the
circumstances,” he said. I stared at him with shock and he smiled lightly.
“Isabella?” Dr. Cullen said. “What are you thankful for?”
I sighed and glanced down at the table, my nerves running amuck because of their gazes on
me. I hesitated, contemplating. “Food, Water, and Shelter,” I said, shrugging. I glanced up
at Dr. Cullen and he smiled.
“Those are good things to be thankful for. Most people take the basics for granted,” he said.
I nodded.
“Yeah, when you live most of your life without them, you learn to appreciate them,” I said
softly. “I’m thankful for your kindness, also.” I kept my gaze on the table and could feel
Edward’s eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look up. There was a small pause and a lingering
silence that was making me a bit uncomfortable before Dr. Cullen spoke again.
“I’m thankful for my sons and their significant others. I’m thankful for the peace we’re
granted living here, thankful to be able to practice medicine. I’m thankful for our health
and wealth, and lastly for Isabella’s safety,” he said. I looked over at him with surprise and
he met my eyes, staring at me for a moment. It was slightly weird, having my master
proclaim he was thankful that I was safe. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, what he meant
by that. Was I ever truly safe?
He turned his head away and went back to eating after a moment, a silence overcoming the
table. I picked at my food but didn’t have much of an appetite. A few minutes later Dr.
Cullen sat his fork down, making a slight clink when it hit the plate, and scooted his chair
back.
“Well, I’m stuffed. You may all be excused whenever you’re finished,” he said, grabbing his
plate and standing up. He turned and took a few steps toward the kitchen, hesitating before
he turned the corner. “And Isabella?”
“Yes, sir?” I said hesitantly, unsure of what he wanted.
“Thank you,” he said. My eyes widened slightly and I nodded when he turned to glance at
me.
“You’re welcome, sir,” I said. I wasn’t sure exactly what he was thanking me for, but I
assumed it must be the food. He nodded in acknowledgement and headed out of the room
quickly. I hesitated for a moment before pushing my chair back, grabbing my plate and
standing up. I walked out of the dining area quickly and into the kitchen. I scraped my
plate as well as Dr. Cullen’s, and started loading the dishwasher up and cleaning the area.
Jasper came in a moment later, scraping his plate and sitting it on the rack in the
dishwasher. He gave me a smile and walked out, heading for the steps. Emmett and
Edward both came in next, scraping their plates and putting them on the rack also. Emmett
headed out of the kitchen and for the living room, pulling out his cell phone and dialing a
number. Edward lingered in the kitchen for a bit, standing awkwardly off to the side, just
watching me.
He sighed after a moment when Dr. Cullen walked into the foyer, within earshot, and
turned to leave. I glanced over and saw him heading up the stairs.
I finished cleaning up the kitchen, putting all of the leftovers away and starting the
dishwasher. I wiped down the counters and cleaned the dining room table, throwing the
rag into the hamper in the laundry room. I glanced around briefly before hitting the stairs,
taking them slowly up to the third floor. I wanted to take a bath and relax a bit.
I hit the third floor and went to my door, hesitating in the hallway when I saw Edward’s
bedroom door was wide open. He was sitting at his desk with one of his schoolbooks open
in front of him and he was eyeing it intensely. I smiled lightly, as he looked quite adorable
and passive concentrating so hard on a book. I turned to head into my room, not wanting
to disturb him, when I heard his voice.
“Isabella?” he said. I glanced back around and saw him looking at me curiously.
“Yes, Edward?”
He smiled when I said his name. “You wanna watch a movie or something?” he asked. I
smiled and shrugged.
“Okay. I want to take a bath first, though,” I said. He nodded.
“That’s cool. Just come over whenever you’re done, I’ll be in here,” he said, turning back to
his book. I turned back around and smiled to myself, sighing lightly.
I went into my room and stripped out of my clothes, grabbing my robe and heading into
the bathroom. I tossed it beside the tub and started to drawl the bath with warm water,
putting some strawberry bubble bath solution in. After the tub was filled I lowered myself
in, sighing contently as the water warmed my skin. I leaned back and closed my eyes, just
enjoying it. I lay there for a bit, playing in the bubbles, grabbing handfuls of them and
blowing. It reminded me of the fiasco in the kitchen, when Edward messed up trying to use
the dishwasher, and found myself giggling out loud at the memory. I grabbed a washcloth
after a while and started washing myself, gasping as I brushed it harder than usual across
my female parts. I tensed as the jolt shot through my legs, the tingle lingering afterwards. It
started me a bit and I pulled my hand away quickly, dropping the washcloth in the process.
I sat there for a moment, stunned, before slowly letting my hand drop back into the water. I
was a bit apprehensive, maybe even felt slightly ashamed, but I allowed my hand to drift
back to where it had been. I grazed my fingertips over that same spot and it tickled, causing
my body to tingle. I pressed a bit harder and gasped again as the strong jolt shot through
my body. I didn’t know what I was doing but it felt good so I did it again, just enjoying the
feeling. I continued to rub my fingers back and forth over that spot, the sensations rushing
through me. My legs were tingling and my breathing started increasing so I closed my eyes,
trying to relax. It felt like my body was having a mind of it’s own, as I started squirming
along with my touching, a strange feeling bubbling up under the surface of my skin. I
continued the motions as the feeling grew and my body started trembling. I felt the tension
in me quadruple after a moment, so intense it startled me and I removed my hand, opening
my eyes quickly. My body was rigid and I felt the tension diminishing almost immediately
after removing my hand, a slightly throb remaining where I’d been rubbing. My breathing
came under control after a minute and I just sat there, trying to calm my body down and
collect myself. It had felt good, so intensely good that I could barely stand it, but the
feelings frightened me a bit. Edward said I could make myself feel good and I didn’t really
understand at the time, but I got it now. I felt a bit ashamed that I’d done that, that I’d
rubbed myself down there, but he said most people did it. He admitted that he did it and
wasn’t at all ashamed of that fact. But it still felt wrong, like I shouldn’t be doing it, and I
couldn’t mentally get past that to let myself finish. I’d felt that tension he described but I’d
stopped before the surge of pleasure exploded from me. It was all so foreign; I couldn’t
believe I’d done as much as I did do.
I sat there for a bit as the water cooled, before finally washing my hair and climbing out. I
dried myself off and pulled my robe on, grabbing my brush to get the knots out of my hair.
I headed into the bedroom and put my undergarments on, pulling a pair of black shorts out
and pulling them on. I grabbed Edward’s football shirt and slipped it on over my head. I
headed for the door and stalled with my hand on the knob, slightly nervous for some
reason. It was so irrational, but I was afraid he’d be able to tell what I’d done. I knew even
if he were to know I touched myself he wouldn’t have anything bad to say about it, as he
tried to encourage me to try it, but I was embarrassed. There was a dull ache down there, a
slight throb that oddly felt like it was calling out to me, urging me to touch it. It was
baffling, those feelings, the desire to be touched. I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t go over to
Edward’s bedroom in this condition, if it would be wrong of me to. I felt so stupid even
questioning it, as of course I should go to Edward since he was waiting on me, but I just
had a hard time absorbing all of these new urges and desires.
“FUCK!” I jumped, my heart starting to race from being startled as the word ricocheted
loudly through the floor. I turned the knob and opened the door quickly, immediately
worrying if something were wrong. I glanced up and my eyes fell upon Edward instantly.
He was standing near the door inside his room, glancing around like he was looking for
something. He was running his hands through his hair frantically, looking flustered. I stood
still and watched him for a moment as he spat out even more curse words, not quite as loud
as before, and he started kicking some of the clutter lying on his floor. I smiled at his antics,
shaking my head.
“Are you missing something?” I asked. He jumped at the sound of my voice and swung
around with his eyes narrowed. He obviously hadn’t known I was standing there watching
him, so he’d been caught off guard when I spoke.
“Christ, why can’t you ever fucking make noise?!” he spat. “Are you trying to give me a
goddamn heart attack?” I just stared at him, as I wasn’t exactly surprised that he was
lashing out. I admit I don’t like it when Edward snaps at me, but it was a part of who he
was so I never called him out on it. It wasn’t my place to try to dictate his behavior anyway,
nor would I want to. I loved Edward for who he was and wouldn’t want to ever change him
from being himself. That was a part of what made us click so well. He never tried to change
me or critique me. He accepted my quirks and flaws, even if he didn’t like them, and tried
his best to empower me but never criticized me when I was weak.
He stared at me for a moment with an angry glare before his face softened. He sighed and
ran his hand through his hair. “I lost my fucking phone,” he said with irritation. I smiled
lightly and nodded, turning and walking back into my room. I grabbed my phone off of the
table and flipped it open, pushing the top right button to open my contacts. After what
happened with James, Edward had taught me how to use all of the features on my phone.
He routinely texted me from school now and called me once while on his lunch hour last
week.
I found Edward’s name and hit the call button. Within a matter of seconds a faint melody
started ringing out, a song I didn’t recognize. I stepped back to the doorway and watched as
Edward started kicking things around, scouring through a pile of books on his floor. He
snatched up his phone after a moment. I hit the red button to end the call and it stopped
ringing immediately. I walked back in the room and sat the phone back on the table where
it had been, turning around. I yelped and grabbed my chest when I saw Edward was
standing in my room right behind me. He smiled lightly and pulled me into his embrace,
wrapping his arms around me. I was startled for a moment but wrapped my arms around
him, squeezing him back.
“I was a dick, I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” he said softly. I smiled lightly and pulled
back from him. “How about we watch that movie now?” he suggested, sounding apologetic.
I nodded, appreciating that he seemed remorseful even though it wasn’t necessary. I knew
how he was. He grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together, and pulled me across the
hall to his room. I giggled and grabbed the doorknob, closing my bedroom door quickly.
Once we were in his room, he shut the door and walked over, flopping down on the bed.
“There’s some DVDs over there on the shelf,” he said, motioning toward his wall of shelves
that housed his music collection. I looked at him with surprise at first, slightly stunned that
he was having me pick the movie, but walked over after a moment and started glancing at
the titles. I was getting a lot better at reading thanks to Jasper and Alice, and Edward had
become quite persistent at making me read things every opportunity he got. I figured it was
his way of helping.
“You know, I don’t know what any of these are,” I said, not recognizing any of the movies.
He chuckled and I glanced behind me at him. He was shaking his head.
“Just throw one in, I don’t give a shit what we watch, just as long as I get to spend some
time with you,” he said. I smiled and turned back to the movies, feeling my heart swell with
happiness. I was still so stunned that he enjoyed my company so much, as it seemed like
every free moment he got he was spending with me. I grabbed a movie, not even caring
what it was, and held it up to show him. He barely looked at it and shrugged, grabbing the
remote and turning the DVD player on. He pushed a button and it opened. I opened the
DVD case and pulled the disk out, sitting it in the player. I sat the case down on the shelf
and walked over to the bed, sitting down beside Edward. He pushed the button on the
remote to close the DVD player, sitting the remote down beside him while he waited for it
to load. He started unbuttoning his shirt slowly, pulling it off and tossing it across the room
so he was just wearing his white undershirt. He glanced over at me and smiled, leaning
over and brushing his lips against mine softly. “Mmmm, you smell good,” he murmured,
running his nose across my cheek and down my jaw.
“You always smell good,” I responded with when he pulled away. He chuckled.
“Like sunshine, right?” he asked playfully, nudging me with his arm. I smiled and
shrugged.
“And lilacs and honey,” I said. He laughed, shaking his head. He stood up and grabbed the
remote, glancing up at the screen. He froze and turned, cocking an eyebrow at me.
“You sure you wanna watch this one?” he asked. I looked at him with confusion, wondering
what was the big deal about the movie and shrugged. He shrugged in return and hit play.
He tossed the remote down and walked over, turning out the light. Because of the curtains,
the room darkened significantly despite it still being daylight out. He walked back over and
slid into bed, sitting with his back against the headboard. He reached over and grabbed a
hold of me, and I laughed as he pulled me down so my head was on his lap. He glanced
down in my face and smiled, taking his hand and brushing my hair aside softly. “You know
this movie’s chocked full of sex, drugs, and violence, right?” he asked. My eyes widened and
he chuckled, obviously anticipating my reaction in advance.
“No, I didn’t know,” I said. I glanced up at him and he shrugged.
“I guess you should’ve read the cover, huh?” he said playfully. I rolled my eyes and he
chuckled again.
The movie came on and I realized quite quickly that Edward wasn’t exaggerating. It was
evidently called “Boogie Nights” and was about a guy who made sex videos for money. It
was definitely an intense movie. I laughed a few times and it frightened me when it got
violent, but the most startling parts were when they talked about sex. I found myself
blushing and growing embarrassed and Edward would laugh. I felt his gaze on me the
entire movie and I’d glance up at him occasionally, my eyes meeting his instantly. It was so
stunning how fixated he seemed to be on me and it made me slightly self-conscious. He
spent nearly the entire movie stroking my hair and cheek or rubbing my back. Toward the
end he shifted us around and lay down beside me, pulling me to him and wrapping his
arms around me while we watched the ending of it. When the words started playing at the
end he grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. The room fell into almost complete
darkness, as the sun was setting outside finally. I rolled over onto my side slightly and
shifted my body so I could look at him and he rolled over onto his side to face me.
“I was scared this morning,” he said softly. My eyes widened slightly and I stared at him
with a bit of confusion, unsure of what he was referring to. He sighed. “I woke up to find
my car and my girl gone. It was like someone took my entire world away.”
I smiled lightly. “And which were you most upset about losing?” I asked.
He stared at me for a moment and I wondered if he were contemplating it. He leaned over
eventually and pressed his lips to mine, parting his lips and bringing his tongue out to
brush across my bottom lip. I opened my mouth for him and he cocked his head to the side,
deepening the kiss. He groaned and pulled back after a moment. “The girl definitely. I can
buy a new car, but she’s irreplaceable.” I felt the blush overcoming my face and he
chuckled. He reached his hand over and brushed my cheek with his fingertips. I moaned
softly and leaned my head toward his hand, enjoying the sparks from his touch. He stilled
his hand on my cheek and stared at me for a few moments, his gaze intense. There was so
much emotion in his eyes, so much love sparking inside of the hypnotizing green.
“I love you,” I whispered after a moment. He cracked a smile.
“I love you too, la mia bella ragazza,” he said. I smiled and felt my blush deepening at the
sound of the accent he used as he spoke so sweetly in another language. I averted my eyes
from him, slightly embarrassed by my reaction to him speaking Italian, and he chuckled.
“Why the reaction?” he asked.
I shrugged, glancing at him and smiling sheepishly. “I like it when you talk in Italian,” I
said hesitantly. “It sounds…” I started, pausing. “…Nice.” I whispered the last part, unsure
of how to describe it. It sounded romantic and the sound of it created odd sensations
within me. His eyes widened slightly at my admittance.
“Do you, now?” he asked. I nodded and he smirked mischievously. He scooted closer so his
body was practically pressed up against mine and lifted his head, bringing his lips to my
ear. “Ti amo tantissimo, fin dal giorno in cui ci siamo incontrati ho sentito un sentimento
speciale tra noi. Mi hai reso felice come mai prima.”
I closed my eyes and let out a soft moan as his breath hit my ear. He paused, moving his
head slightly and brushing his cheek against mine. The stubble of his facial hair tickled.
“Sei la prima cosa che penso quando mi sveglio, e l'ultima quando mi addormento. Ti
amo, la mia bella ragazza,” he whispered after a moment. My breath hitched and I felt a
chill roll through me. I opened my eyes and they met his immediately. His gaze was
intense, his expression staggering. He was breathing shakily and biting his bottom. He
leaned his head forward and pressed his lips to mine forcefully, with so much passion that I
was pushed backwards slightly. I rolled onto my back and he moved with me, hovering
overtop of me. I kissed him back with just as much passion as he was putting into it,
wanting him to be able to feel how much I cared for him, wanting him to feel how I felt. I
opened my mouth to him and our tongues mingled together, our lips moving frantically. I
brought my hands up and gripped his shoulder blades, trying to pull him closer. He put
slightly more weight on me, still holding back, but I moaned at the body heat rolling off of
him. I ran my hands down his back, wanting to feel his skin. It was so warm that my hands
were itching to touch it, itching to feel it. I found the bottom of his shirt and ran my hands
up underneath it, pulling it up slightly in the process. Edward’s kissing faltered when he
felt my hands on his bare back but he didn’t stall for long. He continued to kiss me
forcefully. I was losing my breath because of how frantic the kiss was and turned my head
slightly, pulling my lips from his to take a deep breath. I intended to bring my lips right
back but before I could his mouth started down my jaw line, placing wet kisses along the
way. His mouth came to rest at my neck and he started kissing me there, sending chills
down my spine. My breathing grew more labored and I ran my hands down his back,
gripping his flesh with my fingertips. He pulled back from my neck quickly and I froze as
he sat up abruptly, figuring he was done and didn’t want to kiss anymore. It almost hurt my
feelings, which was so startling in itself that I was so interested in doing this, but instead of
getting up completely he simply grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head
quickly. He tossed it across the room and went to lay back down but hesitated halfway to
me, staring in my face. I gazed at him, wondering what was stopping him. Whatever
hesitance he had must’ve been wiped out by my expression, however, because his lips went
straight back to my neck. I moaned when I felt his breath blow across a wet spot he had
created from kissing me, tingles shooting straight through my body and coming to rest
right at my core. I squirmed some and Edward groaned as I wiggled my body against his. I
ran my hands up his back and my fingers found there way in his hair, running through his
messy locks. I felt his lips at my ear and gasped as I felt his soft wet tongue run across my
earlobe. I gripped his hair tightly, trembling at the sensation. It felt so startling good, the
feelings surging through me almost unbelievable. I heard him chuckle lightly at my
reaction as he pressed a soft kiss behind my earlobe, working his way back down my neck.
He shifted his body after a second, moving on top of me even more. He moved to the other
side of my neck and started kissing there. I felt his hand come to rest on my knee and he let
it linger there for a moment before he slowly started running it up my thigh. I squirmed,
my breathing erratic as I was really getting worked up.
Edward pulled back after a second, lifting his head up to look at me. He stared in my eyes
for a moment, his gaze intense like he was looking for something specific, like he was
searching for an answer to an unasked question. I wanted to ask him what he wanted to
know, wanted to ask him what he was seeking, but before I could even force my lips to form
words he must’ve found his answer. The corner of his lips turned up slightly and he leaned
forward, pressing his lips to mine. He kissed me sweetly, softly, his tongue barely grazing
my lips and softly stroking my tongue. He shifted his head to the side after a second and I
wrapped my arms around him tightly as he brought his lips to my ear.
“Let me make you feel good,” he whispered, his voice shaking with emotion. I shuddered as
his breath hit my ear. “Prometto di non danneggiarlo. I promise not to hurt you, baby.”
I trembled and my breath hitched at his words. I gripped onto him tighter, squeezing him
to me as hard as I could. He allowed some more of his weight to lie on me, his hand slowly
running up and down my thigh. I was squirming under his touch, my body igniting in a fire
I’d never felt before. “I trust you,” I murmured after a moment, my voice breathy and
shaking with anticipation. I wasn’t afraid, because I truly did trust him. I trusted he
wouldn’t harm me. He loved me, I believed him when he said it. He protected me and
would never do anything to violate me, would never do anything I was uncomfortable with.
He pulled his body up and looked into my eyes and I stared back, wanting him to see that I
meant it. That I trusted him and he could touch me, because I knew he wouldn’t push me
too far.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine briefly. He pulled back and leaned over to
the stand beside his bed, grabbing his stereo remote. He pushed a button and music came
on, some soft classical music. He tossed the remote to the side and turned back to me. “Tell
me to stop any time and I will, okay?” he said softly, his expression and tone completely
serious.
I nodded. “Okay,” I whispered. He smiled lightly and shifted his body so he was lying
beside me, as I was still on my back. He leaned over and kissed me briefly.
“Just relax,” he murmured with his lips against mine. I brought my hands up and laced
them through his hair as his lips moved downward, kissing my neck once again. After a
moment I felt my shirt being lifted slightly and his hand run across my stomach softly. He
pulled my shirt up just far enough to expose my stomach and shifted his body down the bed
somewhat. I closed my eyes, trying to relax, and trembled when I felt his breath on my
stomach. He started placing light kisses along my flesh and I gasped when I felt his tongue
dip inside my navel. It sent tingles through my lower half and I brought my hands down,
placing one on his upper back, running it lightly across his tattoo. The other one I lay on
the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair.
He kissed nearly every exposed inch of skin he could find, his hand roaming down and
running up my thigh gently. I was squirming, moaning softly as he touched me. He lifted
his body up after a moment and grabbed my shirt, glancing at me. “Can I…?” he asked,
looking down at the shirt briefly. I stared at him for a moment but nodded hesitantly. He
nodded once and pulled the shirt upwards, and I lifted up slightly so he could pull it off. He
laid it gently beside us on the bed and glanced at my exposed torso, groaning. I tensed up
slightly, feeling self-conscious, unsure of why he was reacting that way. I had a bra on but
still, I’d never been so exposed in front of a man before. He glanced up and me and leaned
forward, kissing my lips gently.
“Bella. So beautiful,” he whispered against my lips. He brought his lips down and kissed
the dip in my throat, and I closed my eyes and tilted my head back so he could have better
access. He kissed along my collarbones and in between my breasts. He brought a hand over
after a moment and grazed it across my bra-clad breasts and I moaned. He was still kissing
my skin as he brought a hand down and slipped it underneath the bra, pushing the cup up.
I gasped when his hand came into contact with my bare breast, his fingertips lightly grazing
across my nipple. It hardened under his touch and I moaned as the sparks danced across
my skin. He reached over and did it with the other breast, pulling the cup up and running
his fingers cross the nipple. He pulled his mouth from my neck and reached around
underneath me quickly, unclasping my bra. I was slightly shocked at how fast he did it, as
even I had trouble undoing bras sometimes. He saw my look of surprise and smiled
sheepishly. He pulled the bra off and sat it off to the side. He sat back and gazed at my bare
chest for a moment, his looks making me nervous. Edward was experienced and I didn’t
know what he was used to, if they were big enough or good enough. He glanced up at my
face, noticing my worried expression. He sighed and leaned forward, kissing me softly.
“You’re fucking perfect,” he said, bringing one of his hands down and cupping one of my
breasts. I smiled lightly, as it was so like Edward to curse at such a sweet moment. He
returned my smile and looked away, glancing down at my breasts. He brought his lips to
them after a moment and I gasped as he brought his tongue out and swirled it around one
of my nipples. My back arched and he groaned, using his hand to massage the one his
mouth wasn’t on. He placed kisses along the flesh of my breast, gently sucking on the
nipples and lapping at them with his tongue. It felt so amazing, unlike anything I ever
imagined. I was gripping him tightly, grasping onto his hair and writhing. He pulled his
mouth from my breasts after a moment and started kissing his way up to my neck again as
his right hand started caressing my stomach again, running across my belly button.
“So fucking beautiful,” he murmured against my skin. “Il vostro corpo risponde
perfettamente al mio tocco.” I moaned and he brought his lips up to mine, kissing me
softly. “Does it feel good, tesoro?”
I nodded, sighing. He smiled lightly, gazing into my eyes. His hand on my stomach started
drifting downward and my eyes widened when I felt his fingertips slip under the waistband
of my shorts. He paused with his hand there, cocking an eyebrow at me. “You can tell me to
stop and I will,” he said, his voice completely serious. “I won’t push you to go any further.
But I promise if you let my hand keep going I won’t go too far, I promise I won’t put
anything inside of you. I know you’re not ready for that. I’ll stay completely on the outside
parts.”
I nodded after a moment, relaxing again. I trusted he meant what he said. He smiled and
leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine again. His hand roamed down, slipping inside my
shorts. He ran it softly across the fabric of my panties, just caressing me softly. He
deepened the kiss after a moment, tilting his head and bringing his tongue out to linger
with mine. He chose that moment to move his hand down even more, rubbing overtop of
my underwear but between my thighs, right at the center. I moaned and he groaned in my
mouth.
“Arrapatissimo,” he mumbled against my lips, his voice gritty. “God, you’re soaked.”
I was confused for a second, but before I could really give any thought as to what he said he
pressed his hand harder and I gasped, throwing my head back. His lips went to my neck
and he started licking and kissing down and across my collarbones. “Spread your legs
some, baby,” he whispered. I hesitated but did as he asked. He moved his hand briefly to
hitch my leg up and pulled it back, opening me up to give him better access to the area. His
hand went right back to the spot and I gasped again as he started rubbing across it. His
mouth went to my breasts and he was licking at my nipples while his hand started rubbing
circles around the area down below, pressing firmly. Tingles were coursing through my
body, jolts of electricity sparking in my veins. My legs started trembling, my breathing
erratic. Soft gasps and whimpers were escaping my throat involuntarily and I arched my
back when he started increasing the pace of his movements. I grabbed the bed sheets,
fisting my hands, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. The sensations were intense, so intense I
could barely take it. It felt so good, better than I ever imagined a simply touch could feel. It
was as if my entire body was on fire, sparks running through my system. My skin was
flushing, my entire body warming. I worried briefly about that, almost got embarrassed,
but before I could dwell on it he moved his hand off of me quickly and I felt it slip inside my
underwear. I gasped and cried out when his fingertips came into contact with the area
without any fabric in-between them and Edward started groaning.
“Stupore,” he mumbled against my skin, his voice rough. He brought his tongue out and
traced the area around my nipple with it before closing his lips around it and sucking. I
whimpered and let go of the bed, my hand finding it’s way Edward’s hair. He groaned again
and started sucking harder on my nipple, his hand in my shorts moving faster and pressing
harder. “Just feel it baby. È tutto per voi. Lo voglio venire per me.”
I whimpered as the Italian rolled from his lips, his voice gritty and his words breathy. He
was breathing hard, almost as hard as I was. I could feel his breath blowing against the wet
spots on my skin and it shot shivers down my spine. His hand was rubbing circles
desperately in my underwear and the sensations were building. I could feel the pressure
intensifying, the tension growing strong. I started whimpering and moaning, unable to stop
myself. My body seemed to have a mind of its own and I started squirming, moving my
hips. He groaned and pulled his mouth from my breasts, bringing his lips up to meet mine.
He pressed his mouth to mine and brought his tongue out immediately, kissing me deeply
and frantically. I started losing my breath as the pleasure strengthened and coursed
through me. My eyes widened when I felt my body almost grow paralyzed, everything
tingling but seeming frozen. Edward sensed my body tensing up and pulled from my lips
briefly, staring into my eyes. The corner of his lips turned up infinitely. “That’s it, la mia
bella ragazza,” he whispered. He pressed firmer and I gasped as he rubbed quickly a few
more times. Out of nowhere everything seemed to boil over and my legs started to shake,
my entire body quivering. I cried out, nearly screaming when it was like an explosion went
off inside of me, the most intense feeling I’d ever felt quickly shooting down my legs and up
through my stomach, so strong, my back arched and I lost my breath. It felt so good it
almost hurt. Edward pressed his lips to mine firmly, muffling my sounds immediately. I
wrapped my arms around him tightly, clinging onto him as he continued to move his hand,
the sensations continuing to shoot through me. It felt like I was having muscle spasms, as if
my body were reacting and working on it’s own with no help from me. I was whimpering
and crying out into his mouth and he held onto me tightly as I rode it out. The feeling
subsided after a moment, the tension releasing from my muscles. My cries quieted and
Edward’s kiss softened as he moved his hand from that spot. He didn’t completely remove
his hand, instead started running his hand across the outside of my female area, stroking
the hair down there softly.
He removed his lips from mine and started softly kissing down my neck once more. He
pulled his hand out after a moment and started caressing my stomach softly, running his
hand up and gently massaging my breasts and grazing across my nipples with his
fingertips. He was moving slowly, his touch soft as I lay still, breathing heavily.
He pulled back after a minute or so, sitting up slightly to look at me. He gazed in my eyes,
his expression intense. I stared back and tried to get my breathing under control. He wasn’t
saying anything, just staring and I started to get self-conscious again. My entire body felt
like jelly and I could barely move, every inch of me relaxed and exhausted. It was so
staggering and I was trying to absorb it all, absorb those sensations that just coursed
through me. I never doubted him when he said I could feel good simply by touching, but I
never expected such intensity. It’s one thing to hear about it, it’s another to experience it.
“What are you thinking?” I asked after a moment, unable to take his silence because it was
making me anxious. I didn’t know what I was doing and didn’t know if maybe I’d done
something wrong, or if I didn’t do something I was supposed to do. He stared at me for a
moment longer before the corner of his mouth lifted up and he smirked that adorable
crooked grin of his, the one that always made my heart skip a beat. I felt myself smiling in
response, unable to stop myself. He chuckled and leaned down, kissing me softly. He
wrapped his arms around me tightly and rolled us over quickly. It startled me at first and
he chuckled, which resulted in me giggling when he came to rest on his back with me on
top of him.
“Oh, my Bella,” he said, his voice oozing happiness. “I’m thinking that if I can spend the
rest of my life seeing you like that, I’ll be the happiest goddamn person on the planet. That
was fucking beautiful.”
My eyes widened with shock and he squeezed me tightly, rocking my body a bit with his
hug. He pushed us up after a second and reached down, grabbing the comforter and pulling
it up over us.
We both lay quietly for a moment, his hand gently stroking my bare back, Our naked chests
were pressed together as he held my tightly, the feeling of his bare skin against mine
unbelievable. I just lay there, enjoying the feelings, the tingle still slightly running under
my skin and the feel of Edward’s body heat seeping from him.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly after a moment, some slight hesitance to his words. My
brow furrowed and I lifted up to look at him. He was eyeing me with concern for some
reason.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked with confusion. He sighed and shrugged slightly, still running
his hand across my back. He reached out with his other hand and traced my lips softly with
his pointer finger.
“You’re quiet,” he said. I smiled lightly.
“I promise I’m okay,” I said, wanting to reassure him that there wasn’t anything wrong with
me. “I’m great actually. Thank you… for that… ” I murmured, blushing.
He laughed, his expression brightening. “You’re welcome, but I assure you, you don’t have
to thank me. I’ll do that shit anytime you want, it would be my pleasure. So it was, uh…” he
started raising his eyebrows and smirking. “So you enjoyed it?”
I nodded, blushing even more and smiling sheepishly. Edward chuckled and ran the back
of his hand along my reddened cheek. “I have to say, I’m quite stunned that your blush
extends the entire length of your body,” he said, his hand drifting downward. He ran his
fingertips down my neck and across my chest, grazing them across my breasts. I moaned
softly when he came in contact with my nipple, as it puckered up immediately under his
touch. I glanced down and saw my chest was indeed flushed. I glanced over at Edward and
saw he was staring at my chest, his fingers running circles around my nipples. It made me a
bit nervous to be sitting in front of him with no shirt on, his eyes fixated on my chest. I
started squirming a bit and he glanced up into my face.
“Don’t be shy, amore mio,” he said softly. He shifted us around some and brought both
hands up and cupped my breasts, massaging them gently. “You’ve got an amazing body.”
I moaned softly, letting my eyes drift closed. I brought my hands up and placed them
overtop of his.
“I love you, Edward Cullen,” I said softly. I felt the bed shift some and he pulled his hands
from my breasts. I opened my eyes and saw him sit up to face me. He wrapped his arms
around me and pulled me onto him again, laying us back down on the bed. I snuggled into
him, my face in his neck. I placed a gentle kiss near the dip in his throat and felt his body
shiver. I realized it was the first time I’d ever kissed him somewhere other than his lips and
felt bad instantly, as he’d placed kisses all over me and his hands had touched my entire
body and I’d never done any of the sort to him. I had no idea what I was doing, how to treat
him, how to make him feel good. He started rubbing my back and kissed the top of my
head.
“I love you too, Isabella Marie Swan. Sempre,” he said. I moved my head and glanced up at
him, seeing his eyes were drifting closed. I placed my face back in the crook of his neck,
inhaling. He smelled so amazing, so comforting.
“Sempre,” I murmured back, closing my eyes. And I knew it was the truth. I’d love Edward
forever, as long as I walked the earth. He was my ‘always’.
*****
Ti amo tantissimo, fin dal giorno in cui ci siamo incontrati ho sentito un sentimento
speciale tra noi. = I love you so much, since the day we met I felt a connection with you
Mi hai reso felice come mai prima = You have made me happier then I have ever been.
Sei la prima cosa che penso quando mi sveglio, e l'ultima quando mi addormento. =
You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I fall
asleep.
Ti amo, la mia bella ragazza = I love you, my beautiful girl.
Prometto di non danneggiarlo = I promise not to hurt you
Il vostro corpo risponde perfettamente al mio tocco = your body responds perfectly to my
touch.
Dolcezza = sweetness/sweetheart
arrapatissimo= slang meaning very sexually aroused
Stupore = Amazing
È tutto per voi = It’s all for you.
Lo voglio venire per me. = I want you to cum for me
amore mio= My love
Sempre = always
Chapter 33 Happiness
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential
to your own.” -- Robert A. Heinlein
I opened my eyes and groaned, as my fucking arm was asleep and it felt like a million
needles were simultaneous being stuck into it by some sadistic prick. I glanced over and
saw it was trapped under Isabella’s body, as at some point she’d shifted onto her back with
her head on my shoulder. I tried to pull my arm out from under her gently and she
murmured in her sleep, rolling over off of me. I breathed a sigh of relief and sat up, rolling
my shoulder and flexing my arm, trying to get the fucking circulation flowing again.
I pulled the blanket off of me, as it was fucking hot in the room because my father was
keeping the temperature up in the house for some damn reason, and threw my legs over
the side of the bed. I was still wearing my jeans, hadn’t even bothered to get changed for
bed, and was fucking sweaty and uncomfortable. I stood up, stretching my back and flexing
my arm again, and walked over to the dresser. I opened up the middle drawer and pulled
out a pair of flannel pajama pants. I walked over and tossed them on the end of the bed,
unbuckling my pants and unzipping them, pulling them down and kicking them off with
my feet. I slipped on the flannel pants quickly and gently sat down on the end of the bed,
gazing over at Isabella.
She was snuggled up with her pillow now, hugging it tightly. The blanket was pushed down
to her waist, exposing her naked back. I let my eyes linger on it for a moment, could see the
slight ridges of her spine, and could see a hint of her right breast along the side. She was so
fucking beautiful and it bothered me that she didn’t see it. I could see the apprehension in
her expression, her nervousness and self-consciousness when she allowed her flesh to be
exposed for me. I wasn’t fucking stupid; I knew that was a big deal for her. She didn’t do
that shit; I knew I was the first one to ever see her breasts like that. And fuck, they were
amazing. So perfectly proportioned, slightly more than a handful, just enough to cup and
massage and fucking fondle. I felt like some goddamn inexperienced kid, fondling his first
pair of tits, but I’d never really paid them much attention before. I was a get in, get mine,
and get out kinda guy, and I’d occasionally squeeze or pinch one for the hell of it, but there
was something about her breasts that just drew me in. They were perky, her areolas a
reddish pink, almost the same fucking color as her blush. And her nipples were stunning
and so fucking responsive to my touch, hardening under my fingertips.
The rest of her body that I saw was just as amazing, I wasn’t lying when I said that. I loved
her fucking stomach, as it was soft but slim, and there was something about her goddamn
belly button that had me fascinated. And her skin was so smooth and creamy, the taste of
her flesh amazing with a slightly salty hint to it. I didn’t take her bottoms off, as I tried to
make it more comfortable for her, not wanting to completely expose her. I didn’t want to
push her too far too fast and get her completely fucking naked. Honestly, if I would’ve
gotten her underwear off of her I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to restrain myself as much,
as I’d have to fight the fucking urge to get all up in it. I knew she wasn’t ready for that, so I
played it safe and just dipped my hand inside her panties. And fuck if she wasn’t
completely soaked, so fucking aroused and turned on. Her pubic hair was surprisingly soft,
and curly, not out of control but still it was natural. I can’t fucking lie—I’ve always
preferred a clean shaven pussy in the past, but something about feeling Bella’s hair down
there was a major fucking turn on. I couldn’t help but fucking stroke it and I had the urge
to rub my cheek against it, wanting to fucking rub my nose against her clit and smell her
arousal and bring my tongue out and taste her dampness, which is why I fucking kept her
underwear on because that would be pushing her too far. She smelled sweet though, and I
could still smell her arousal on me.
And Christ if she wasn’t receptive, her entire body responding perfectly to my touch. She
was getting really fucking hot and it was turning me on beyond belief to see her pinken
with blush from head to toe. She was writhing and squirming and started bucking her hips
against my hand, stunning me with her boldness. And she was making throaty erotic
noises, whimpering and moaning and groaning softly. The noises went straight to my cock
and it was throbbing out of control, was so fucking hard that it was oozing goddamn
precum, but I tried to ignore it because the shit wasn’t supposed to be about me. It was
about my girl, it was about making her feel good. And I couldn’t seem to stop kissing her
and licking her and touching her, just wanting to fucking taste every inch of exposed skin I
could get my mouth on.
Nothing, though, will ever fucking match up to helping her experience her first orgasm. It
was staggering, the way her body tensed up and then started shaking as it ripped through
her. She arched her back and there was like a few second delay where she was almost
completely paralyzed, before she let out a guttural fucking groan. It was loud, louder than I
ever fucking expected to hear come from her mouth, and I smashed my lips to hers
immediately, trying to muffle the noise because there were fucking people just a floor
below us. I knew it was goddamn stupid of me to do this shit with my father home and
awake but I just didn’t fucking think about it at the time, all I cared about was making her
feel good. And I didn’t expect her to get loud, but she did. And that sound fucking stunned
me, gave me goddamn shivers, and I helped her ride out her orgasm and stroked her softly
for a bit, almost in a goddamn stupor because of it.
I’d had a lot of sex in my life, more sex than I could ever sit down and calculate, and I’d
given out a lot of fucking orgasms over the years. I’d never been with a girl and not made
her cum, it was what I was fucking good at. But nothing, and I mean fucking nothing, was
ever as erotic and satisfying as watching Isabella reach the edge and explode in climax. The
way her face contorted in agonizing pleasure and how her entire body quaked was fucking
beautiful. She didn’t lay a finger on my dick but I mentally felt like I’d just experienced the
fuck of a lifetime just watching her.
Physically was a different story, though. Physically I was in fucking agony. I wasn’t used to
not being the one to get off.
It was all still quite stunning, almost surreal. I sat there watching the movement of her
exposed back as she breathed deeply in her sleep and was still trying to come to grips with
the fact that I’d rounded some goddamn bases quickly. I couldn’t even really tell you what
sparked it; it just seemed like out of nowhere we both just fucking knew it was time to go
forward.
And the way she nearly melted when I spoke in Italian to her was incredible. Her flesh
prickled when I whispered against her skin, telling her sexy things in a foreign language.
She couldn’t comprehend what I was saying but it just seemed like her body understood it,
responded appropriately to it. I’d fucking stop speaking in English and stick to Italian if
she’d always respond that way, that’s for damn sure.
I watched her quietly in the dark, my dick still throbbing a bit and needing to find a release
before long. Isabella started mumbling in her sleep, obviously dreaming, and I smiled as I
heard my name roll from her lips. She was saying that shit every night again and it was still
my favorite fucking time of day, when she spoke of me in her sleep. I still hadn’t asked her
what it was that she dreamed of that made her talk about me, but there was a small part of
me didn’t want to know. I was afraid it would be something fucking trivial and would ruin
the natural high I got from it, wishing that she were actually fucking fantasizing about me.
I glanced over at the alarm clock sitting on the table and saw it was a little after 2am. I was
still exhausted but when I’d woken I’d been having brief flashes of my usual nightmare, and
I didn’t want to close my eyes again right now in fear that it would come full force. I didn’t
want this goddamn night to be ruined by another nightmare; I was on fucking cloud nine
and didn’t want to have to deal with those demons tonight. I got up after a moment and
walked to the door quietly, kicking something on the goddamn floor accidentally and
nearly falling. Yeah, my fucking room was getting out of hand, we’d need to do some shit
about that soon. Maybe I’d fucking clean it tomorrow and let her help if she wanted, but I
couldn’t just sit back and have her do it for me while my lazy ass watches. That just felt
goddamn wrong.
I cursed as my big toe started throbbing from whatever the hell I’d kicked and walked over,
pulling the bedroom door open. I stepped out into the hallway and closed the door softly,
heading down the steps. I hit the foyer and jumped when I glanced up and saw a person
standing in the doorway to the kitchen, grabbing my chest as my heart started thumping
from being caught off guard. I hadn’t fucking expected anyone to be up at this hour, much
less my goddamn father.
“Jesus fucking Christ, dad!” I snapped. “You scared me!” My dad sighed and shook his
head, looking slightly irritated.
“Watch your mouth,” he said pointedly. He hated it when I said what he referred to as
‘blasphemous’ things, because evidently murdering was fucking fine but taking the Lords
name in vain was a goddamn sin he couldn’t seem to tolerate. “And maybe if you’d hone up
on your observation skills, people wouldn’t catch you off guard,” he added quickly. I rolled
my eyes.
“Whatever,” I mumbled. I headed toward the kitchen and he stepped out of the way to let
me pass. I walked over and opened a cabinet, pulling out a glass. I opened the fridge and
grabbed the jug of orange juice, pulling it out and pouring some into my glass. I put the jug
back in the fridge and turned around to see my father standing in the doorway watching me
curiously. I closed the fridge door and leaned up against the counter, taking a drink.
“Insomnia?” he asked after a moment, raising his eyebrows. I shrugged and took another
drink.
“I guess you could say that,” I responded with. He nodded.
“Is it the nightmares again?” he asked, his voice hesitant. I sighed.
“If you’re asking me if I still have them, than yes,” I said, slightly irritated that he was
bringing that shit up, as I wasn’t in the mood to be talking about that right now. I could tell
by his expression that he was genuinely concerned though so I tried to keep my calm, not
wanting to snap at him when he was just trying to be fucking fatherly or whatever.
“You know we can put you back on the Trazodone if you want,” he suggested. I shook my
head no quickly and took another drink of my juice.
“And have me fucking go all psychotic again? No thanks, I’ll pass,” I mumbled. The last
time I tried that shit it took the nightmares away but I started acting like the fucking Joker
on Batman, all laughing like a maniac for no reason and being reckless to the point where I
was almost fucking suicidal. It also fucked with me sexually, increased my desire to get laid
and I kept a hard on constantly, every fucking thing turning me on, but no matter what I
did I simply couldn’t cum. That shit was torture, never getting any fucking relief from it. He
nodded like he understood, and I sighed. “So why are you up, anyway?” I asked before he
could say another word about my nightmares, because I didn’t want to talk about my
bullshit problems anymore.
He shook his head. “I’ve got to get ready to leave for Chicago,” he said, the irritation back in
his voice. My eyes widened slightly with surprise.
“Now?” I asked with confusion. He nodded. “I didn’t know you had to go to Chicago this
weekend.”
He shrugged. “Neither did I until about twenty minutes ago when your godfather called. I
was supposed to fly out next weekend so we could initiate a few men but evidently the
trouble with the Russians is escalading, so we’re pushing it up to this weekend to have a sit
down with a few of them.”
My brow furrowed with confusion. “You’re having problems with Russians?”
He nodded. “They’re pretty savage fuckers. They’re running an ‘every man for themselves’
operation, have absolutely no loyalty to anyone. It’s quite a disgrace that they’re being
referred to as organized crime, as there’s absolutely no organization to anything they do.
They have no hierarchy of power and fight amongst themselves constantly. They’ll do
anything for a buck and they clearly have no respect for anyone, which you know is
something the Outfit can’t tolerate continuing on our own streets. They’re really no better
than common street thugs.”
I just stared at him for a moment, a bit surprised, as I haven’t heard of them having many
problems with rival groups in quite some time. People tend to stay out of the Outfits path
for obvious reasons, as their hand reaches pretty far and they don’t take nonsense so
pissing them off was quite stupid. “Well, good luck and shit,” I said, unsure of what else to
fucking say about that. He laughed at my lame response, shaking his head.
“Yeah, thanks. I’ll be back Sunday night hopefully,” he said. I nodded, acknowledging that
I’d heard him, and he hesitated for a moment. He was watching me curiously and opened
his mouth like he was going to say something, but snapped it closed quickly. He groaned
and shook his head. “Have a good weekend, son,” he mumbled, turning and heading out of
the kitchen hastily before I could even say anything.
I stood there for a moment with my brow furrowed, looking at the spot where he’d been
standing, wondering what the fuck that last little exchange was about. I sighed after a
moment, baffled but my father was always fucking confusing so it wasn’t really anything
new. I threw my glass back, chugging the last little bit of my juice, and sat the glass in the
sink. I headed out of the kitchen and started back upstairs, seeing my dad’s bedroom door
open with the light on when I hit the second floor. I could hear his voice inside, he was
grumbling and sounded aggravated but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I headed up
to the third floor and opened the bedroom door quietly, slipping inside quickly. I shut the
door and stood there for a moment, staring at the bed. Isabella was sprawled out on her
back, her naked chest entirely fucking exposed as the blanket was completely kicked off of
her. I started to feel like a goddamn peeping tom or some shit, standing there staring at
her, but I was mesmerized by the sight. Her nipples were erect, pebbled up as goose bumps
danced along her flesh, and I found myself involuntarily licking my lips, wanting to suck on
them, run circles around them with my tongue. My dick twitched at the mental image as
the blood rushed right back to that area, my pants swelling. I groaned softly to myself and
shook my head, knowing damn well as it started to throb that there was no way I could just
climb right back in bed and go back to sleep. My dick was screaming at me, pissed the fuck
off at the lack of attention it was receiving, as it was a selfish bastard and didn’t like being
neglected.
I made my way to the bathroom, slipping inside and shutting the door quietly. The lock
clicking sounded loud in the fucking silent room and I froze, paranoid the shit was going to
wake up Isabella. I listened for a moment and heard no sounds from the bedroom and
relaxed slightly, mentally scolding myself for being such a fucking scared pussy. I glanced
around the bathroom, contemplating. I thought about getting in the shower but was
worried the sound of the water running would wake up Isabella and she’d wonder why the
fuck I was showering at 2 o’clock in the morning. I said fuck it after a moment and just
leaned back against the door, figuring it was a good enough spot as I’d make it fucking
quick.
I let my body weight rest on it and reached down, tugging the front of my pants and boxers
down. My cock sprung free immediately, standing straight in the air, hard as hell. I
wrapped my right hand around it, fisting it at the bottom, and groaned at the sensation. It
was engorged and pulsating to the point of fucking hurting. It could see it twitching in my
hand, needing friction and release. I stroked my hand up the shaft once, running my palm
over the swollen head, hissing because it was fucking sensitive. It was oozing precum like
never before and I swiped my hand over it, gathering it up in my palm. I ran my hand down
the shaft, lubricating it slightly with my already spilling seed, and stroked a few times the
entire length of my dick. I pulled my hand off after a moment and brought it up to my
mouth, clearing my throat and spitting into my palm. It felt fucking disgusting hocking a
loogie on my hand and shit, but all my lubrication was in the bedroom and there was no
fucking way I could go in there and get it without feeling even worse than I already felt
doing this. My girl was sleeping peacefully a few feet away from me and I was wacking off
like some goddamn pervert.
I brought my hand back down and wrapped it around my dick tightly, stroking it a few
times to spread the lubrication. I relaxed back against the door, running my hand up and
down the entire length of my shaft, twisting my hand when I reached the tip to massage the
head. I groaned softly and continued to stroke it, increasing the pace and fisting tighter
after a moment. My breathing started accelerating, my heart rate increasing as I massaged
my swollen flesh with a firm grip. It was throbbing in my hand; I could feel the blood
rushing wildly under the skin. I jerked my hand back and forth, groaning quietly as the
pleasure started coursing through my veins. I closed my eyes and imagined my girl,
pictured her lying in my wrinkled sheets, soft brown hair strewn all around on the pillow. I
thought about the way her body writhed from my touch, the way her legs vibrated as I
pressed my fingers against her clit, the way she practically fucking came undone and
melted for me. The way she wiggled her hips, completely aroused, her body fucking
desperate for me to give her the pleasure she craved so much. I thought about the way she
cried out as she came, how she arched her back and her entire body flushed that fucking
gorgeous pink. The way her face twisted in pleasure, how fucking wet she was for me. How
she smelled so fucking sweet like nectar, like some goddamn forbidden fruit that I was
desperate to taste. I was a fucking starving man and she was one of the greatest delicacies
out there, and I needed her. I fucking craved her like I’d never craved anything before.
I groaned and started stroking faster, thrusting my hips along with the motion of my hand.
I pictured her breasts, imagined capturing those erect nipples hungrily with my mouth,
scraping them lightly with my teeth. I thought about those primal fucking noises that
escaped her lips, those throaty groans and grunts and that fuckhot guttural scream she let
out as she exploded on my hand. I thought about how wet she was, how her sweet warmth
seeped out onto my hand as I rubbed on her.
I felt the tension building up in me, my muscles constricting as my release neared. I

gripped harder and made my thrusts more deliberate, twisting my hand and squeezing the
swollen purple head gently. I felt it start to boil under my skin as the goose bumps covered
my body, my breathing erratic. I tossed my head back, hitting it against the door, and
squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I pumped furiously and felt the warmness coursing through
my veins. My entire body tensed as the pleasure skyrocketed through my system, and I
gritted my teeth as my dick started pulsating. I grunted, the noise raspy as it caught in my
throat, and gripped the doorframe tightly with my free hand as my release came flying from
me. My legs quivered from the intensity as I came, catching most of it with my hand as I
massaged the head of my dick. It was sticky and just fucking gross feeling in my hand but I
didn’t want to squirt that shit on the floor and not get all of it up in the dark and Isabella
come in to pee or something in the morning and discover it. She wouldn’t fucking know
what it was but still, that shit wasn’t right.
I stopped moving my hand as the explosion dissipated and relaxed against the door,
completely spent. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. My legs felt like
they were fucking useless, like they’d give out on me if I tried to walk. My eyelids were
heavy and I felt fucking exhausted because of how intense that goddamn orgasm was. I’d
been rubbing one out every fucking day lately but none of them had ever touched the level
of that one.
My dick twitched a few times while it fucking deflated. I pushed myself off the door after a
moment and went over to the sink, turning the water on with the hand that wasn’t sticky. I
washed my hands off with some antibacterial soap and grabbed a washcloth, washing the
cum and saliva off of my dick. I tucked it back in my pants, wincing slightly because the
fucking thing was sensitive now, and turned the water off. I dried my hands and walked
over to the door, hesitating briefly with my hand on the doorknob. I opened the door slowly
and glanced in the room at the bed where Isabella lay. She was curled up in a ball now,
looking completely fucking content. I walked over to the bed and climbed in beside her,
reaching out after a moment to stroke her back. She sighed in her sleep and I scooted over
closer to her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to me so I could hold her.
I drifted into a deep sleep quickly once she was back in my arms. I pried my eyes open
much later and glanced around, the room illuminated slightly from the sunshine outside. I
glanced beside me, my brow furrowing when I realized I was fucking alone. I sat up
quickly, my eyes scanning the room frantically, wondering where the hell she was. I
glanced at the clock beside my bed, my eyes widening when I saw it was almost 2 pm. I
never slept that fucking late unless I got really fucked up the night before, and I knew damn
well my girl never slept in like that. She would’ve been up hours ago.
I climbed out of bed and headed for the door, opening it and heading out into the hallway. I
paused at her bedroom door, wondering if she were in there. I ran my hands down my face
a few times, trying to get rid of the fucking haziness and wake myself up while I listened for
sounds inside. I knocked after a moment and didn’t hear anything, so I pushed the door
open to confirm that she wasn’t in there. I sighed and closed her bedroom door, heading
for the steps. I hit the second floor and went for the steps leading down and froze when I
heard voices filtering up. There were a few of them and I groaned, realizing my brothers
and their goddamn girlfriends were downstairs.
I headed down the steps slowly, not in the mood to deal with them but wanting to find
Isabella, and paused when I hit the foyer. I heard a familiar laughter ring out from the
living room and my eyes widened with surprise when I realized Isabella was in there with
them, chatting and laughing. I walked that direction and saw Isabella standing at the edge
of the room with her back to me. Everyone else was lounging around and they had the TV
on, playing an episode of fucking Jeopardy, like usual. Rose spotted me as I approached
and smirked, with that fucking look on her face that she usually got when she was in the
mood to be fucking bitchy toward me. I rolled my eyes at her and walked over to Isabella,
coming up behind her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and squeezed her to me,
sighing contently at her body warmth. She tensed up from the shock, obviously not
knowing I was there, but she relaxed a bit when it dawned on her that it was just me.
“Morning, la mia bella ragazaa,” I mumbled, my lips close to her ear. She smiled, but
before she could respond I pulled her over to the closest chair to us. It startled her but she
giggled a bit as I sat down, pulling her down onto my lap. I closed my eyes and squeezed
her to me, resting my cheek on her shoulder with my face in her neck. I inhaled deeply,
smelling her fruity intoxicating scent as she’d obviously taken a fucking shower this
morning, and leaned in to press a small kiss on her neck. She gripped my arms that were
wrapped around her with her hands and a shiver ripped through her when my lips met her
skin. I opened my eyes and looked up to meet four pairs of eyes staring right at me, with
fucking shocked expressions on their faces. I guess, judging by the looks they were giving
me, they didn’t expect me to be so outward around them about my fucking feelings for my
girl.
I rolled my eyes and pulled back from Isabella’s neck. “Don’t you give me those goddamn
looks, I know all of you motherfuckers know,” I said. As soon as the words rolled from my
lips, Alice got the biggest smile on her face that I’d ever seen. I groaned and shook my head,
leaning back in the chair and pulling Isabella back toward me even more, keeping my arms
wrapped around her tightly. She was a good bit shorter than me and her head came to rest
on my chest. I leaned my head down and kissed the top of hers briefly before resting my
cheek on it.
“It’s one thing to know brother, it’s another to really see,” Emmett said, shaking his head.
He started laughing after a second. “But it really is good to see, I’ll tell you that much.”
I smiled. “Yeah, well, it’s fucking good to feel,” I said. He smirked and nodded, obviously
understanding. I’d been giving him shit since he started dating Rosalie about being such a
pussy, and I was finding myself doing the exact same shit now that I gave him crap for.
“Who the fuck are you and what have you done with that cold-hearted prick that used to
live here?” Rosalie asked immediately, raising her brow and smirking. I rolled my eyes.
“Ciucciami il cazzo, bitch,” I said with irritation. I was having a good fucking morning and
she was going to ruin my mood with her bitchiness. I felt Isabella flinch as the rude words
came flying out of my mouth. I starting rubbing circles on her side where my hand was
resting, trying to relax her a bit.
“Suck your dick, Cullen?” Rosalie spat. “I wouldn’t fucking touch that thing with Tanya
Denali’s mouth. There’s no telling what fucking diseases you’ve got coursing through you
with as many tramps as you’ve fucked around with. You’re a whore, plain and simple, and a
bitch would have to be stupid to ever be with you with your history.”
Any reassurance my embrace was providing Isabella was completely fucking wiped away
when those words registered with her. She tensed up completely, her body so fucking rigid
it felt like she was made from stone. I sat up some quickly, pissed off, and Isabella tried to
stand up from my lap. I held onto her tightly, keeping my arms wrapped around her, not
wanting Rosalie’s words to send her fucking running from me. I fucking loved her and she
had to know it, she couldn’t let some cunt like Rosalie Lillian Hale put a damper on that
shit.
Isabella grabbed a hold of my arms and tried to pry them off of her and I hesitated, not
wanting her to fucking get up. “Please let me go, Edward,” she said after a second, speaking
low. Her voice trembled and I groaned, knowing I couldn’t fucking hold her there against
her will. I removed my arms and she jumped up quickly, practically fucking bolting from
the room. I groaned and ran my hands through my hair, glaring at Rosalie, pissed off that
she would fucking say that shit in front of Isabella. My hands were trembling and my
temper was fucking flaring as I heard Isabella’s footsteps on the stairs as she scaled them
quickly.
Rosalie just stared at me, looking almost fucking smug, and no one fucking said anything to
her because of course no one ever fucking calls Rosalie out for being a bitch, but she went
too fucking far this time by upsetting my girl. I snapped. “You’re such a fucking bitch, you
know that? You can talk shit to me all you want, I can fucking take it and dish it right back,
but you have no fucking right to do what you just did. You know goddamn well I’m clean
and that I feel fucking different about her, but yet you sit there and spit that bullshit and
try to make her think I’m nothing but a fucking mistake. That’s not right! She’s not like us
Rosalie, you can’t fucking do that shit to her, and if you can’t respect that and give her some
goddamn common courtesy in her own fucking home than maybe you shouldn’t fucking
come over,” I spat, staring straight at her. Her eyes widened slightly, I guess surprised that
I was calling her out, and she glanced over at her boyfriend. He was staring straight ahead,
looking deep in thought, and turned to look at her after a second.
“You should go apologize, Rose,” he said finally. She looked shocked and stared at Emmett
with disbelief. He saw her expression and shook his head, sighing. “Edward’s right, and you
know I fucking love you baby, and I love your sassiness, but you can’t say shit like that
when it comes to that girl and expect it to roll off of her back. She deals with enough
bullshit, she doesn’t need people putting ideas in her head to ruin the only half-ass decent
thing she’s got going for her. Edward might have a shady past but even you have to admit
he’s fucking changed for her.”
Rose stared at Emmett with shock for a moment, obviously caught off guard by the fact
that he was fucking going against her on something. Emmett always sided with her on shit,
let her get away with everything and never called her out on her bullshit. She realized he
was serious after a moment and turned her head toward me, narrowing her eyes slightly
and scowling. I smirked at her, being a dickhead and gloating because you’re goddamn
right I was right on this. She rolled her eyes and huffed, jumping up and storming out of
the room, stomping so the sound of her high heels was echoing loudly through the entire
first floor. I sighed and shook my head when I heard her start up the stairs, turning to
Emmett.
“She better fucking be nice to her up there,” I said seriously. Emmett nodded.
“She will. She can be harsh but you know Rose isn’t a bad person,” he said, his voice
sounding remorseful. I ran my hand through my hair and nodded, sighing.
We all sat around in an awkward fucking silence for a bit, none of us knowing what the fuck
to say. I was worried about what bullshit Rosalie was upstairs spewing to Isabella and the
rest of them were looking fucking embarrassed about what happened and concerned for
what might be happening.
“I’m a bad friend,” Alice said after a moment. I glanced up and saw she was frowning. She
looked over at me, her eyes dull, that twinkle of enthusiasm she usually had missing. “I told
her we’d be good friends when I first met her and I’m never there for her. I didn’t even just
stand up for you guys when Rosalie put you down, what kind of friend am I? I bet she could
use a good girl friend, some girl talk.”
I sighed and nodded and went to speak, because one thing Isabella was lacking was a good
female friend she could talk to, but Emmett’s booming laughter cut me off. We all glanced
over at him with confusion, wondering what the fuck was so funny. He shook his head after
a moment, still laughing. “Yeah, I’m sure she could definitely use some girl talk after last
night,” he said, glancing over at me with amusement. My eyes widened and I stared at him,
knowing immediately that the motherfucker knew somehow.
“What happened last night?” Alice asked, glancing over at me. I looked over at her, keeping
my calm expression and shrugged, feigning ignorance. I cut my eyes at Emmett, giving him
a look that clearly said to keep his fucking mouth shut, but I knew better. He was a
goddamn chatterbox; he wouldn’t keep that shit to himself.
He laughed again. “Yeah, Edward, what was that last night?” he asked with amusement.
“Vaffanculo,” I said, my tone completely fucking serious. I didn’t find this at all goddamn
funny.
He laughed, enjoying my annoyance. “Awww, come on. Don’t be like that brother. We’re all
family here. So did you, uh, you know… sverginare?” My eyes narrowed, anger surging
through me when he asked me if I fucking deflowered her.
“No, you didn’t!” Jasper said with shock, turning to stare at me wide-eyed. I groaned and
rolled my eyes.
“No, I didn’t. Christ, get off my fucking back,” I snapped.
Emmett laughed. “So then what was it?” he asked. “Because I sure as shit heard her
screaming and it wasn’t from fear, I can tell you that much.”
“You heard her?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded enthusiastically and I groaned, feeling a
slight panic in my chest. If he fucking heard her, did my father? Is that why he was fucking
acting weird this morning?
“Yeah, but it was only because I was on the third floor. I was looking to see if we had a copy
of the book ‘Wide Sargasso Sea’ in the library, because I forgot mine at school and I’m
supposed to have that shit read by Monday. But yeah, I fucking heard that shit in the
hallway. Scared the hell out of me, too,” he said, laughing.
I groaned, rolling my eyes. “Do you really think she’d be comfortable with you knowing
about her fucking sex life?” I asked with irritation, cocking an eyebrow at him, hoping he’d
fucking drop the subject. His smirk simply grew in response.
“So she does have one now?” he asked. “A sex life, that is?” I glared at him, pissed that he
was calling me out and pressing the issue, having no intention of even humoring him with a
goddamn answer.
“So you guys…” Alice started, hesitating. “Messed around? I mean did you, you know…”
I rolled my eyes at her line of questioning. “I just fucking touched her, alright? So just drop
it,” I said. She smiled brightly and brought her hand up, pretending to zip her lips. I sighed
and shook my head. “And I’d appreciate it if neither of you fucks teased her about it,
because she’s self-conscious enough,” I said, standing up and glancing at my brothers. They
both threw their hands up in a scouts honor sign, glancing at each other and laughing. I
shook my head--they could be fucking idiots sometimes.
I turned to head out of the room, wanting to check on Isabella because she’d been up there
with Rosalie a long fucking time, when Alice jumped up and sprinted at me. I froze, fucking
confused and caught off guard as she wrapped her tiny arms around me and squeezed as
tight as she could. I chuckled and patted her on the back.
“What’s that for, short stuff?” I asked. She pulled away from me and smiled, glancing up at
me. I was stunned when I saw her eyes were glassy and she looked on the verge of fucking
bawling.
“For being so good to her,” she said softly, completely serious. I laughed.
“You don’t have to hug me for that. Shit, she’s the one that could probably use the hug for
having to put up with my ass,” I said. Alice laughed.
“You’re not that bad,” she said, punching me lightly on the arm. I rolled my eyes and
smiled.
“Thanks, shorty,” I said. I rubbed her back briefly and turned back around, heading for the
stairs. I scaled them quickly and ran my hand through my hair, hesitating when I hit the
third floor. I slowly walked over to Isabella’s bedroom door and lingered there, listening. I
could hear whispers inside but I couldn’t make out any of their words, but at least they
weren’t fucking yelling. I sighed and brought my hand up to knock after a moment, feeling
like a goddamn idiot just standing there in the hall and wanting to make sure shit was
kosher inside. Before I could knock the door swung open quickly, so abruptly that it
fucking startled me, and I came face-to-face with Rose. She narrowed her eyes at me
slightly and I glared at her with annoyance, because that’s just what Rose and I fucking do.
We give each other evil looks.
“What, are you fucking spying?” she asked. “Don’t think she can take care of herself?” I
rolled my eyes.
“No, I’m just making sure you didn’t bring your goddamn winged monkey’s with you,
witch,” I said. She glared at me for a moment, trying to keep a straight face, but cracked a
smile after a second.
“Fuck you, Cullen,” she said, shaking her head. I smirked.

“Fuck you too, Hale.”
She brushed by me and shot her elbow out but I dodged out of the way so she couldn’t hit
me. I shook my head and walked into Isabella’s room, pausing when I saw her standing in
front of her bed. She was looking all awkward and cute, smiling sheepishly as she glanced
at me. She was twiddling her thumbs, linking her fingers together nervously in front of her.
I smiled and shut her door softly behind me.
“You okay?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at her. She didn’t look upset but I never fucking
knew with her, as she was pretty good at hiding her emotions. She nodded enthusiastically
and I chuckled. I stared at her for a moment and she fidgeted a bit, looking anxious. I
walked forward slowly toward her and she watched me, smiling. The blush crept into her
cheeks and she averted her eyes when I got close enough to touch her. My brow furrowed
briefly, confused by her reaction, but she glanced back at me after a second and brought
her bottom lip into her mouth, chewing on it nervously. I stared into her eyes and saw the
excitement and happiness and slight apprehension and it dawned on me--she was fucking
thinking about last night.
I smirked and ran my hand through my hair, shaking my head. I reached out and wrapped
my arms around her, pulling her into a hug after a moment. She laid her head against my
chest and squeezed me back.
“My Bella, you are truly amazing,” I whispered. She pulled back to look up at me, pure
wonder in her eyes.
“You really think that?” she asked, her voice sounding fucking overjoyed. I chuckled, and
pulled her back to me tightly, rocking us in a hug.
“Of course I mean that shit, baby,” I said. She giggled, the sound so carefree and happy that
it made my chest swell with all that fucking satisfaction again. I loved when I made my girl
happy. I pulled back from her after a bit and stared into her eyes, just enjoying all of the
emotion brewing in them. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her softly and she parted
her lips, bringing her tongue out and sweeping it across my bottom lip. I chuckled against
her mouth, amazed by her boldness, and opened my mouth for her. I brought my tongue
out to mingle with hers, kissing her deeply and passionately. She pulled her head back after
a moment, blushing and breathing heavily.
“Wow,” she said, breathlessly. I smirked and nodded.
“How about we get dressed and do something?” I suggested. My fucking bedroom could
wait; she deserved to be taken out and treated today. Her eyes widened slightly.
“Like what?” she asked. I shrugged.
“Whatever you wanna do,” I said. I really didn’t give a shit what we did as long as we spent
some time together away from the fucking house. “We could go to the movies or the park or
whatever. Maybe get some dinner,” I suggested. I had no fucking clue what people did
recreationally, as the closest thing I got to a fucking date before she came into my life was
going through the goddamn drive-thru at the fast food restaurant on the way to drop some
bitch off after fucking her. Yeah, I was a dick—I even made them buy their own fucking
food.
She stared at me with an odd expression on her face. “Like, in public?” she said hesitantly
after a moment. I laughed and nodded, wondering what the fuck she thought I meant. She
stared at me for a moment longer before smiling and nodding. “Okay,” she said. “I, uh… I’ll
get dressed.”
I smiled. “Take your time, I need to shower anyway,” I said. I felt disgusting, having not
showered, considering I’d wacked off in the bathroom last night and sweated like a
goddamn pig while I slept. I hadn’t looked in a mirror but I imagined my hair was fucking
everywhere and my skin was grimy.
“Okay,” she said, nodding slightly. Her eyes were twinkling and I could tell she was trying
to contain her excitement. I stared at her for a moment, smiling and staring into those
beautiful eyes of her, amazed at how something so fucking trivial like a goddamn movie
could make her light up so much. I licked my lips and leaned forward, pressing them to
hers softly.
“I’ll be back,” I said quietly. She smiled and I turned to head out of her room. I walked out
into the hall, heading into my room. I stripped out of my clothes, throwing them on the pile
of laundry across the room, and went into the bathroom. I turned the water on hot and
climbed under the spray, washing my body up quickly. I washed my hair and turned the
water off, climbing out and drying off. I wrapped the towel around my waist and went into
the bedroom, glancing in my closet.
I stood there for a moment, staring at the clothes, contemplating what to wear like some
goddamn prissy girl. I wanted to look good for her, and I never fucking tried to look good
before because the shit just naturally happened that way, but I felt like I should put some
effort into the shit for her because she was important to me. This was like, our first fucking
date or something, and maybe it didn’t count and I was getting off easy since it was the
middle of the fucking day and I wasn’t bringing her fucking flowers or meeting her
goddamn parents, but it still felt special.
I pulled a pair of boxers and a wife beater out of my dresser, dropping the towel and
slipping them on. I grabbed a pair of dark blue slightly faded distressed jeans and slipped
them on, putting a black belt on to keep the fucking things from falling down. I pulled a
green long sleeved button up shirt out of the closet and put it on, because green was her
favorite color and I knew she’d like that shit since it brought out the color of my eyes—or so
Alice fucking says it does, anyway. I kept the top few buttons unbuttoned and rolled the
sleeves up because I felt stifled otherwise. I pulled on a pair of black boots and walked into
the bathroom, glancing in the mirror. I looked good, as usual—not like I ever fucking
doubted it, but whatever.
I brushed my teeth and spritzed myself with cologne, wanting to smell good for my girl. I
mean, she evidently liked my natural sunshiny fucking smell, but still, I put some effort
into the shit. I stared at my hair for a moment but just shrugged and said fuck it because
there was nothing I could do about the shit. I ran my fingers through it and just let it do its
thing.
I grabbed my keys and phone and IPod, slipping them in my pocket, and put my watch on.
I headed out into the hallway and glanced up, noticing Isabella’s door was open. I froze
when I spotted her standing in the doorway, my eyes immediately scanning the length of
her body. She had on a pair of slightly dressy jeans, which were skin fucking tight, and a
blue and tan striped sweater. She had on a pair of tan boots and was standing there,
fidgeting and looking at me nervously. I smirked and she smiled sheepishly.
“Do I, uh… look okay?” she asked hesitantly. “I mean, I don’t know how to put on make-up
or anything.”
I stared at her with shock for a moment, stunned that she’d think she’d need it. “Okay
doesn’t do you justice, and you don’t need makeup. You, Isabella, are naturally splendido,”
I said. Her eyes widened slightly.
“What’s that mean?” she asked hesitantly, like she was almost afraid of the answer. I
chuckled.
“Splendid. Magnificent. Gorgeous. Need I go on?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. She
blushed and shook her head.
“Thank you. You, uh… look really handsome. You always do,” she said nervously. It was
fucking sweet that she was complimenting me, and it felt good to hear she found me
attractive—not like I doubted the shit, but it was still good to hear her say the words. I
chuckled at her nervousness, because she was just so fucking cute, and reached out for her
hand. She took mine gingerly, linking our fingers together and smiling.
“Shall we?” I asked, nodding toward the stairs. She nodded and I turned, leading her down.
We hit the foyer and she went to pull her hand from mine since my brothers and their
girlfriends were still on the first floor, but I held onto it tightly. I headed straight for the
front door but before we could sneak out undetected Jasper walked out of the kitchen. He
froze and stared at us and I stopped, sighing.
“Where are you going?” he asked, glancing between Isabella and I. His gaze came to rest at
our joined hands and he smiled lightly.
“I’ve got a hot date,” I said, smirking. I brought our hands up to my mouth and kissed the
back of her hand gently. Isabella blushed and Jasper started laughing.
“Well, you kids be safe and have fun,” he said in a mock adult voice before chuckling and
shaking his head. I rolled my eyes but chuckled and nodded. I pulled her out the front door
before anyone else could stop us and want to fucking chat, those nosey bastards.
I helped her into the car and walked around, climbing into the drivers seat. I groaned when
the seat was pulled back farther than I kept it, confused for a moment before it fucking
dawned on me that my father had been the last one to drive it. “Did he have to go fucking
with my seat?” I said with irritation, trying to put it back where I liked it. I was picky about
that shit; it had taken me nearly 20 goddamn minutes to get it perfect when I first got the
car. Isabella giggled and my head snapped in her direction and I glared at her, immediately
fucking irritated that she was laughing at me.
“Something fucking funny?” I asked, my tone harsher than I intended it to come off as. She
stopped laughing immediately, a blank look instantly overtaking her face. I groaned and
relaxed my expression, shaking my head at the fact that I’d fucking snapped at her for no
goddamn reason. I was sure off to a fucking good start. “Sorry, I hate when people fuck
with my shit,” I said apologetically. She smiled lightly.
“You don’t have to explain yourself. I’m well aware you’re finicky, remember?” she said
playfully. I rolled my eyes and kept fucking with my seat, trying to get it right. She just sat
there waiting, no sign of any impatience which I fucking appreciated because there was no
way I could drive us anywhere in an uncomfortable seat. I finally got it right and settled
into it, putting my seatbelt on and starting the car up. I threw it in reverse quickly and
whipped the car around, throwing it in gear and pulling down the driveway.
I hit the main road and pulled my IPod out, plugging it in. I started scrolling through the
music until I found something slightly upbeat and turned to glance at Isabella. She was
staring out the side window, looking amused with a small smile playing on her lips.
I shook my head and reached over, grabbing her hand. I twined our fingers together and
brought them up, kissing the back of her hand gently again. “Ya know, I don’t know why
the fuck you put up with me, tesoro. I can be a real asshole. I think the only thing I’m good
for is giving orgasms.” Her eyes widened and she gaped at me with shock, her cheeks
reddening. I laughed at her reaction, shaking my head. “You know, I can give you one right
now, all you gotta do is unbutton those jeans for me real quick,” I said playfully, winking at
her. She gasped, her eyes growing even wider, which in turn made me laugh harder.
She started sputtering out words, nervously rambling. I brought our linked hands up and
pressed my pointer finger to her lips, silently telling her to hush. “I’m just joking. Well, I
mean, I could really do it, no doubt about that. But I’m just messing with you.”
I pulled my hand away from her mouth and she smiled sheepishly. “Maybe someday,” she
mumbled. I smirked.
“Still open-minded, that’s great. I must’ve done a damn good job then,” I said, still being
playful. Her smile grew and she looked away from me, turning her focus to the scenery
flying by. She was still blushing and brought her bottom lip into her mouth though so I
knew her mind was still fixated on what happened last night. I was glad she fucking liked it,
that I could do something for her like that, that I could make her feel good. She deserved a
little pleasure in life.
We drove in relative silence for a while, just holding hands and listening to the music. We
chatted about nonsense, just bullshitting about neutral topics. She never ceased to amaze
me with her wit, her knowledge on shit that she shouldn’t know anything about. She was
naturally intelligent, and I knew if given the opportunity she could really fucking shine and
flourish.
We made it to Port Angeles and I drove straight to the Italian restaurant. I slowed the car
and went to pull in the parking lot, but my gaze immediately fell on the black Honda with
pink stickers and the fucking Mardi Gras beads and leis hanging from the review mirror. I
accelerated again and continued past the restaurant, knowing we couldn’t fucking go eat
there if Lauren was there. That bitch had too big of a mouth and already gossiped once.
She’s fucking lucky my father hasn’t said anything to me about the kiss Isabella and I
shared on Halloween, as the fuckers in school occasionally still brought that shit up
because of her. Isabella shot me a quick glance, looking slightly confused about my split-
second decision to bypass the restaurant, but she didn’t question me on it.
I swung a u-turn after a moment and went back, pulling into the steakhouse beside Bella
Italia. I felt like a fucking prick having to do it, but I parked the car around the corner, so
Lauren wouldn’t see the shit when she came out. I shut the engine off and Bella turned to
me, smiling lightly.
“You know someone in there, don’t you?” she asked quietly, nodding her head toward Bella
Italia. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair nervously, knowing she had me fucking
figured out but not wanting her to get the wrong idea about it.
“Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t care usually, and I don’t want you to think it’s because I don’t
want to be seen with you, because I do. I fucking love you and would flaunt the shit if I
could. It’s just, she’s a bitch and has a big goddamn mouth and…” I started rambling off.
Isabella brought her hand up quickly, placing her pointer finger against my lips just like I’d
done her. I froze and shut the hell up; stunned that she’d fucking have the guts to do that,
knowing how my temper could be.
“No explanation needed,” she said softly. I nodded and hesitated, staring at her. It was
strange how damn understanding and accepting she was about shit, not getting all worked
up and in a tizzy about my asshole tendencies and our fucked up situation. I gave her a
small smile and opened my door, climbing out. I walked around and helped her out of the
car, grabbing her hand and leading her into the restaurant. I slipped the bitch at the door
some cash to seat us quickly, somewhere secluded. Isabella picked up the menu and I
smiled, watching her brow furrow and her lips move as she silently sounded the shit out to
herself. She was getting good at that shit, I was proud of her.
The waitress came to take our orders and Isabella looked at me, I assume expecting me to
order for her, but I just stared back. She got the point after a moment and her eyes widened
slightly, realizing she had to fucking read what she wanted out loud. She had that shit down
pat though, worried for nothing, and I ordered for myself basically the same fucking thing.
We talked nonchalantly, chatting and laughing. The atmosphere was completely relaxed
and it was nice to see her out in public with no apprehension or fear. I expected shit to be a
bit tense, since she didn’t often get out around a lot of people, but she was surprising me
yet again. I wondered if there would ever be a time when she didn’t surprise me. The
woman was an enigma for sure.
The check came and I paid it with the American Express, leaving the waitress a hefty
fucking tip for leaving us alone and not flirting with me. I helped Bella out of her chair,
trying to be a fucking gentleman, and took her hand. We strolled out to the car and climbed
in, and I drove across town to the movie theatre. I walked her inside and glanced up at the
list of movies, sighing.
“What are you in the mood for?” I asked. She glanced up and squinted, reading the movie
titles. I stood there as she scanned them, trying to stay fucking patient because she
deserved it. She waited on me to fix my goddamn car seat, I could show some restraint
while she tried to figure shit out.
“I have no idea what any of them are,” she said finally, sighing and shaking her head. I
smiled lightly and leaned my head over toward her.
“We’ve got a true story about fucked up rock star named Johnny Cash. There’s one about a
family with a whole bunch of fucking kids. One about some kids who play a board game
and get sucked into the shit and end up in outer space,” I said, reading through the titles.
She looked at me with confusion on the last one and I chuckled, shaking my head. “Don’t
even fucking ask, I don’t know either. There’s some romantic comedy about some guy who
wants to be with some bitch but she just wants to be friends. And there’s of course Harry
Potter,” I said, shrugging. She glanced at me with confusion again.
“Harry Potter?” she asked. I nodded.
“Yeah, that fucking wizard guy at that magic school,” I said. She stared at me, obviously not
fucking knowing what I was talking about, and I sighed. “It’s about the best thing playing
so how bout we just see it, you’ll probably like it.”
She smiled and shrugged. “Fine by me,” she said. I nodded and led her up to the window,
buying two tickets to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. We went inside the theatre and I
bought a big ass soda, and only fucking one of them because those son of bitches are
overpriced, and a box of sour patch kids, because I always fucking buy sour patch kids
when I go to the movies. I asked Isabella if she wanted anything else and she declined,
which didn’t fucking surprise me because she’s so fucking easy to please.
We walked to the theatre and Isabella hesitated when we stepped inside, glancing around.
My brow furrowed for a moment before it dawned on me that this was her first time in a
movie theatre. It was easy to forget sometimes that she was still so new to the fucking
world and hadn’t experienced the trivial shit that most of us take for granted. I reached
over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly. She looked over at me and I smiled, trying
to be reassuring. I took a row in the back, figuring it would be easier on her if she felt the
need to fucking escape for whatever reason, and plopped down in a seat. She sat down
beside me, slightly tense. I kicked my feet up on the seat in front of me, because I was a
prick like that and I knew no one would fucking sit in it if I did that, and instructed Isabella
to do the same. She looked at me like I was stupid at first but obliged, slouching down and
kicking her feet up. She smiled after a moment and seemed to relax slightly thankfully. I
put the soda in the cup holder beside me and pulled the armrest up that was between us,
putting my arm around her and pulling her to me. She snuggled in my arms, placing her
head on my shoulder, and seemed to relax even more as I started lightly rubbing her arm.
The theatre filled up quickly, but like I predicted no one fucking sat near us because they
could tell just by looking at me that I was an asshole. The room darkened significantly and I
felt Isabella tense up slightly, but I continued to rub her arm and pulled her closer to me.
After a moment the screen lit up as the movie started, and the moment the sound came
booming from the speakers Isabella jumped and yelped pretty fucking loudly, obviously not
expecting it. A guy two rows down turned around to glare at her and I narrowed my eyes at
him. He glanced over at me and whipped his head back around with a quickness when he
saw my expression. Yeah, she’s turned me fucking soft for her but I could still be an
intimidating motherfucker when I wanted to be.
She relaxed again by the time the actual movie started up, and I opened up the box of
candy. I popped a few in my mouth and held the box out to her. She eyed it for a moment
before pulling a piece out, sticking it in her mouth. She made the funniest fucking face as
soon as it hit her tongue and I chuckled, squeezing her.
“Fucking sour, eh?” I said playfully. She giggled, chewing it up.
“They’re good though,” she said. I nodded and held the box back out to her. She took a
couple that time, and I smirked.
She was watching the movie quite intensely, getting all into it. I really didn’t give a shit
about it, had no interest in that wizardry crap, so I spent most of the time focusing on her.
Her reactions to shit were fucking amusing and she was so enthralled with everything. We
shared the soda and munched on the candy, all fucking relaxed about it like it was no big
deal but to both of us it was. Because I was fucking sharing, and that’s one of those things I
obviously didn’t do but with her I did. And she was nonchalantly eating and drinking with
me, having no qualms with leaning over and drinking from the straw as I fucking held the
soda or taking a piece of candy right out of my hand, and that’s shit she’s been trained
definitely not to do. She was getting really fucking brave with me, letting her guard down
completely and I recognized that wasn’t easy for her.
Sometime toward the middle of the movie she started fidgeting around a bit in the seat,
trying to get comfortable. She turned to me and smiled when she saw I was watching her.
She kept eye contact for a bit, just staring into my eyes and smiling happily, looking fucking
content being with me. I glanced down at her lips, noticing a bit of sugar on them from the
candy and smirked. I leaned forward and she tensed up slightly but didn’t pull away from
me. I pressed my mouth to hers gently, bringing my tongue out and running it across her
bottom lip to get the sugar off. I kissed her lightly and she kissed me back but I could tell
she was nervous about it as she was squirming a bit. She brought her hand up and cupped
my cheek as I kissed her, and I could feel it trembling slightly against my skin. I pulled back
from her lips, realizing she wasn’t comfortable doing that shit with people around yet.
She looked apprehensive and I smiled lightly, pulling her back to me. She laid her head
back down on my shoulder and turned her attention back to the movie. She watched in
silence for a while and I leaned my head over, resting it on top of hers.
“You know, that guy kind of looks like you,” she said softly as the movie was coming to an
end. I had no idea what the fuck was going on but it looked like they were running through
some possessed maze or something. My brow furrowed as the two guys grabbed a hold of
something and were zapped out of the fucking maze.
“What guy?” I asked with confusion. She sighed.
“The one in the movie. The Cedric guy,” she said. I gazed at the screen for a moment,
remembering those bitches at school saying that last week and I blew it off, but if my girl
said it than maybe there was some merit to it.
“I dunno, you think that douche looks like me?” I asked, looking at the guy but not really
seeing it. Her brow furrowed briefly and she shrugged.
“A little,” she said. I nodded and stared at him, trying to see the resemblance. Some other
people popped up on the screen and out of nowhere the guy the evidently looked like me
fell to the ground dead.
“Well, fuck me, I died,” I said, blinking with confusion because I had no idea what the fuck
just happened. Isabella started laughing but didn’t bother to respond. I didn’t fucking
blame her, I wouldn’t humor my dumbass with a response either.
We watched the rest of the movie in silence. I took her hand when the credits started
rolling and we slipped out of the theatre quickly before everyone else. I led her out,
throwing the empty soda cup and candy container away on the way out. I helped her in the
car and she chatted the entire way home about the movie, fucking enthusiastic about it. I
had no fucking clue what she was talking about because I hadn’t watched more than ten
goddamn minutes of it, but I smiled and listened intently, her happiness making me happy.
I was glad she enjoyed herself--that was all that really mattered.
It was dark when we arrived home and the house was completely silent. We headed up to
the third floor and she hesitated in the hallway, saying she was going to change for bed. I
nodded and went into my room, stripping off my clothes quickly. I threw on a pair of shorts
and sat down at my desk, pulling out my keys. I unlocked the drawer on my desk and
glanced inside, pulling out my bag of weed. I’d been cutting back on that shit lately, feeling
like a dick doing drugs around Isabella when she was so fucking pure, but I couldn’t cut the
shit out completely. It was one of my guilty pleasures, it relaxed me and I could be an
uptight asshole so anything that mellows me out is a good thing. I grabbed one of my glass
pipes and packed it full, grabbing my lighter and taking a hit. I was holding it in my lungs
when Isabella walked back in the room. She had on a pair of short pink shorts and a pink
tank top, and my eyes widened when I saw how much skin she was showing. It caught me
off guard a bit and I started coughing, forgetting about the fucking smoke in my lungs. She
paused and looked at me with a worried expression but I just waved her off as I caught my
breath.
“Are you okay?” she asked, plopping down on my bed. I nodded, clearing my throat.
“Yeah, I’m cool,” I said, my voice strained and my throat burning a bit. I stared at her for a
moment, smiling. “You’re fucking beautiful, Isabella.”
She smiled and blushed, her cheeks turning the same fucking color as her clothes. I smiled
and shook my head, as she was so fucking pure and good and I didn’t deserve her. I took
another hit of the weed, a deep inhale and held it in my lungs.
“Thank you, Edward. You make me feel beautiful,” she said softly. I stared at her with
surprise when her words registered, and let the smoke filter out. I was glad I made her feel
that way, because she should. She was beautiful.
“I love you,” I said after a moment when my lungs cleared, my voice low and tone
completely serious. It still scared me some, saying those fucking words and opening myself
up like that, but I tried to push that aside and tell her often anyway to reassure her that she
had my heart. I took another hit quickly, holding it and sitting the pipe and lighter down on
the desk. I stood up and she smiled widely.
“I love you too. So much,” she said, her voice all sweet and breathy. The sound of it went
straight to my cock and I felt it hardening. I groaned and started over toward the bed, not
paying attention to what I was doing. I kicked a fucking schoolbook lying on the floor hard
and I yelped, the smoke leaving my lungs in a whoosh. I started coughing and plopped
down on the bed, grabbing my fucking foot. That was twice in one goddamn day that I hurt
myself trying to navigate my fucking bedroom.
“Are you okay,” Isabella asked, running her hand up my back gently. It sent a chill down
my spine and almost made me fucking forget about my throbbing big toe. I lay back on the
bed and Isabella backed up some, I guess to give me room, but before she could move away
I laid my head in her lap. I looked up into her face and she gazed down at me, smiling
brightly. Her expression was soft, completely full of intense love and devotion. It was
fucking staggering, seeing that focused on me. It was still so surreal, this girl really fucking
loving me like I loved her.
“I’m okay. And I’m glad you love me, because I need a favor,” I said after a moment. “And
not just any favor, a huge fucking favor.” Her brow furrowed and she stared at me.
“What?” she asked, hesitantly.
I smirked. “My fucking bedroom needs cleaned,” I said. Her eyes widened slightly for a
moment before she burst into laughter, shaking us both with it.
“Yes, it does,” she said. I nodded, smiling, and turned my head to snuggle into her lap. It
was fucking warm and comfortable, her skin flushed slightly. I brought my hand up and
started rubbing her thigh lightly, which caused her to squirm a bit. I wanted to inhale
deeply, wondering if I could smell her sweet pussy through the flimsy fabric that lay
between my face and it, but I figured that would be all kinds of fucking wrong so I resisted
the urge. I was so hormonal sometimes; I couldn’t help my fucking dirty mind.
Isabella brought her hands down and started running one set of fingers through my hair,
her other hand rubbing my back lightly. I sighed contently, closing my eyes.
“Tomorrow, though. Cleaning can wait for tomorrow.”
*****
Ciucciami il cazzo = suck my dick

Vaffanculo =fuck you/fuck off
Sverginare = slightly vulgar term to describe taking someone’s virginity
Chapter 34 Past, Present, Future
“Always keep one foot in the past, your head in the present, and your eyes to
the future.” -- John Smith
I slipped inside the bedroom quickly, shutting the door behind me with more force than I
anticipated using as it banged loudly. I pressed my back up against it, closing my eyes and
sighing. I felt like a complete idiot having run out of the room, absolutely pathetic and
weak, and couldn’t even begin to imagine what Edward was downstairs thinking, how he
must be feeling because of my reaction.
I couldn’t deny that Rosalie’s words had struck me hard. She hadn’t even been talking to
me but it still hurt. She hinted at the fact that Edward had a lot of girls, and he’d admitted
that to me, but when Rosalie said it, she made it seem much worse than he did. She made
him seem like he was a completely bad person, made it sound like he would be using me
like he had used all of them, and that I was stupid for letting him anywhere near me. And I
knew deep down inside that it wasn’t exactly the wisest thing for me to give Edward my
heart, to grant him access to parts of me that I’d always kept shut off, but I trusted that he
wouldn’t hurt me intentionally. Unintentionally, however, was another story, and I tried
not to think about the “what if’s” but she’d just practically thrown them at me, shoving
them right in my face. What if he realized I wasn’t good enough for him and decided he
wanted those girls again because I wasn’t worth the trouble? What if he got his fill of me,
and the newness of the situation wore off? Would he move on and leave me in the past like
he’d done the rest of them? I didn’t want Edward to think that I didn’t believe he loved me,
because it was clear when I looked into his eyes that he did. But was love enough for me to
be able to keep him? I still wasn’t sure.
There was a light tap on my door after a moment, barely registering with my ears but
because I was leaning against it I felt the door slightly vibrate. I yelped and jumped,
grabbing my chest because I hadn’t expected it. My hands started shaking and I turned
around, gripping the knob and turning it slowly. I pulled the door open hesitantly, my eyes
widening with shock when I came face-to-face with Rosalie. I stared at her for a moment,
stunned and wondering what she wanted. I was immediately afraid that she was here to
yell at me, here to tell me how stupid I really was to my face with no one else around. She
just stood there for a moment, glaring at me, not saying anything and it was making me
anxious.
She sighed loudly, sounding irritated, and I stepped back immediately on instinct. She
stepped forward into the doorway and I moved out of the way quickly as she walked inside
the room. She walked over toward my bed and went to sit down on it but froze, turning and
scowling at the bed for some reason. She snapped her head in my direction and raised her
eyebrows.
“You haven’t fucked Edward in this bed, have you?” she asked. My eyes widened in shock at
her words.
“Uh, excuse me?” I sputtered. She rolled her eyes and groaned.
“Sex, Isabella. You haven’t had sex with that prick in this bed, have you?” she asked,
clarifying but seeming annoyed that she thought she had to. I understood what she meant
the first time but I was just stunned that she’d ask me that question.
“Um, no. I mean, we haven’t, you know… so no, we haven’t in that bed,” I rattled off
nervously. She stared at me for a moment with a look of disbelief on her face before turning
her gaze back to the bed. She hesitated briefly but sat down carefully on the edge of it, like
she was almost afraid of the bed.
“You’re serious?” she asked, turning back to me and raising her eyebrows. I nodded.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said softly, looking away from her and glaring down at the ground. I wasn’t
entirely comfortable talking about this, especially not with her when she’d made her
opinion on the topic of Edward and sex quite clear. She laughed after a moment and I
glanced at her briefly to see the amusement on her face.
“So Edward’s being celibate, huh? I bet his fucking arm is getting tired,” she said, smirking.
I looked at her with confusion and she laughed, noticing my expression. “You know, from
spanking it?”
My brow furrowed. “Spanking what?” She stared at me with disbelief for a moment before
laughing once again, loudly this time. She shook her head, obviously amused by my
ignorance. I narrowed my eyes slightly, not appreciating her laughing at me, but when she
looked at me once more I straightened my expression back out, putting my blank mask on
that I was used to wearing. The last thing I wanted to do was aggravate Rosalie any more
than she was naturally aggravated by me.
“God, you are sheltered. Spanking it is masturbating. You at least do know what that is,
right?” she asked. I nodded, my eyes widening slightly at the topic. “Good, because I have
no desire to be teaching you about the mechanics of that shit.. And there’s no fucking way
that boy is going completely without, he loves getting off too much, so he’s gotta be
handling that himself. A LOT.”
She laughed again, shaking her head. I just stared at her, quite stunned by the entire
exchange. She glanced over at me, her look expectant like she wanted some type of
confirmation or denial on the subject. I simply shrugged. “I wouldn’t know,” I said softly.
She sighed. “Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t,” she mumbled, sounding a bit irritated and
disappointed. ‘But shut the door and get over here and sit down, I’ve got something to say
to you.”
I felt a bit of panic surging through me, unsure of what she wanted. I turned around and
shut the door quietly, walking over to the other side of the bed and sitting down. I placed
my hands in my lap and turned to her, eyeing her warily. She sighed and kept her gaze
fixated away from me, staring almost into space.
“Ya know, my father used to beat the shit out of my mother,” she said abruptly out of
nowhere. My eyes widened and I stared at her, unsure of what she was telling me that for.
She paused and continued to look away from me, almost like she was oblivious to my
presence beside her “For as long as I could remember he abused her. And she always just
sat back and took it, never stood up for herself. She’d let him beat on her all he wanted, for
no damn reason, and would make fucking excuses for it. He’d leave her bloodied and
bruised, unable to walk sometimes but she just fucking accepted it, like it was just a part of
life. I hated it, it disgusted me because I knew other peoples daddy’s didn’t do that, and it
made me hate her because she just shrugged it off and accepted it like there was nothing
she could do to change it. But there was, and she just wouldn’t fucking do it. I thought she
was pathetic and weak, unworthy of my admiration. I was ashamed to call her my mother,
ashamed of her behavior almost as much as his. He always left me alone, usually
completely ignored me, but he raised his hand to me one day when he was drunk and
slapped me. I didn’t even hesitate, I hit him right back. He never hit me again.”
She paused and glanced over at me briefly, before turning back away and continuing. “He
died a few years ago, freak accident, whatever, and I remember when they told me he was
dead, the fucking happiness I felt. Maybe that’s sick, but I was glad he was gone. I felt…
free. But then I saw my mom and she was crying, and I asked her why she was upset, like
an idiot I thought maybe there was a mistake and he had survived and that’s why she was
upset, because the dickhead was still going to be around to torture her, but instead she
said, ‘Rose, baby, your daddy’s in heaven now’. I remember laughing, because there was
no fucking way that asshole went to heaven, and my mom just stared at me, confused by
my laughter.”
She laughed bitterly, shaking her head. “I couldn’t understand her tears, and she couldn’t
understand my joy. She actually grieved him, was devastated he was dead. That man
tortured her daily, abused her and controlled her, and she fucking missed him and wanted
him back. I lost the last bit of respect I had for my mother that day. I can understand she
wasn’t in her right mind, that so many years of abuse can almost leave the victim
brainwashed, but I just couldn’t respect her anymore. Where was her pride, her self-
esteem, her sense of self-preservation?”
“Dr. C’s the closest thing I have to a real parent that I respect. And I imagine you can’t
fucking understand that, that it sounds twisted to you because he’s the man that controls
you. In your eyes, he’s probably no better than my alcoholic abusive dad. But he’s been
there for me when no one else was. I couldn’t look up to my mom or depend on her because
she was too far-gone and wouldn’t accept that she needed any help. Dr. C’s done everything
for me that I ever needed, and although he’ll probably never fucking tell me the truth, I’m
sure he’s the one that solved my problem for me with my father.”
My eyes widened and I stared at her with shock. “Dr. Cullen killed your father?” I asked.
She turned to glance at me briefly, her expression one of almost sadness.
“I believe so, yes. He wouldn’t ever come out and say it, but it’s too much of a coincidence
that my father just happened to die in a freak accident in the woods nearby the very same
day I confessed to Dr. C that he’d hit me before,” she said.
We sat quietly for a moment. I was absorbing what she’d told me and she was gazing off
into space again. “I don’t like when people don’t defend themselves. It reminds me of my
mother, reminds me of all of that. I push people and press their buttons and say rude
things to get a rise out of them, just so they’ll fucking stand up and defend themselves. I
bully people because they need to fucking learn to stand up for themselves before someone
else comes along and pushes them around that actually means them harm. And maybe
that’s a fucked up way to go about it, but it’s who I am, who my parents turned me into.
And I can only respect people who stand up, who don’t take shit. That’s why I like those
asshole boys downstairs so much, why I was happy when you mouthed off to me on
Halloween.”
She turned to me and I nodded, so she’d know I was listening. In a backwards sort of way
her actions made sense. She was used to seeing her mother torn down, watching her just
take it, so she tears people down and judges their character based on who doesn’t take it.
She couldn’t stand to surround herself with people like her mother, and I’d venture to
guess it was because it hurt her too much to remember.
“I live with my grandparents now. My mother’s dead,” she added quickly. “But that’s not
really the point. The point is, I like people who stand up for themselves, and don’t take
others bossing them around or controlling them. I treated you the same way I treat
everyone else and that wasn’t right, because you aren’t like everyone else. You don’t have
the option of fighting back, not really. So I’m sorry for being such a bitch toward you
because you can’t help your circumstances and it was wrong of me to try to push your
buttons, to force you to be someone you clearly aren’t able to be. None of that is your fault
and I have to say, it kinda pisses me off that it’s that way because of the one man I respect
like a father. I’m having a hard time coming to grips with that shit.”
I stared at her with shock, stunned that she was apologizing. She glanced over at me and I
could tell by her expression that it wasn’t easy for her to admit what she had. I smiled
lightly, wanting to be polite and let her know I understood, and nodded once. “It’s
understandable. An apology is unnecessary but I appreciate it anyway, and I accept it,” I
said softly. She nodded, sighing. She was quiet for a moment, staring off into space, and it
was making me a bit nervous.
“He’s changing,” she said after a moment. I glanced at her with confusion and she smirked.
“I can’t bring myself to lie to you and make you think he’s some prince charming on a white
horse because that is clearly not Edward Cullen. He’s been with a shitload of girls and can
be quite the prick. But he’s different with you and it’s really strange to see. I mean, he went
from hanging all over those girls at school, eating up their every word and having them at
his disposal, to barely even noticing they’re breathing. And my God, do they hate it too. But
he doesn’t care, he’s moved on from that. And it was wrong of me to lead you to believe he’s
not invested in you because he clearly is. But Edward and I, we have a strange sort of
friendship. If I ever needed him, I know he’d be there for me without any hesitation, and if
he ever needed me I wouldn’t give it a second thought, he’d have my help. But in the
meantime, until one of those situations arises, we bicker and say mean things to piss each
other off, because that’s just how we are. We both press peoples buttons intentionally as a
way of protecting ourselves. Oh, and I can assure you that he doesn’t have any diseases, so
don’t be scared because of that because he’s a careful person. But I still wouldn’t fucking
touch his dick. Ugh, I can’t even think about that.” She scrunched her nose up, making a
face of disgust, and I laughed lightly. She smiled, shaking her head.
“I can’t even picture it. Most girl fawn all over that boy but to me, his just little annoying
Edward. But tell me Isabella, have you at least touched his dick, even if you haven’t used
it?” she asked, smirking. My eyes widened with shock at her question.
“Uh, I mean… no,” I said quickly, shaking my head. She looked surprised.
“Not at all?” she asked. I shook my head no. “Have you seen it?” I shook my head no
hesitantly and her eyes narrowed slightly. “Has he even touched you?” she asked.
I smiled and blushed involuntarily, mentally scolding myself for my reaction. She started
laughing. “I mean… he has touched me… some… down there,” I muttered, embarrassed.
She smirked.
“But you haven’t touched him at all? Not even looked at it? Wow… I’m amazed he had it in
him to be so selfless,” she said, more to herself than me. “Why haven’t you touched him or
look at it, though? Are you not even curious?”
I smiled guiltily and started chewing on my bottom lip nervously. I wasn’t very comfortable
talking about this subject, with Rosalie of all people, but she seemed to be genuinely
interested, no mocking in her voice. I stared at her, debating on how to respond to that
question, but realized after a moment that I had no one else to talk to and confide in, and
this would possibly be my only chance to get out what was on my mind.
“Yes I’m curious. But I mean, I’ve never really seen one and I don’t know what I’m doing or
how to even start,” I said nervously. She smiled lightly, looking sympathetic.
“You know, all you gotta do is tell Cullen that and I’m sure he’d gladly whip it out for you
and show you how the thing works,” she said. My eyes widened, stunned at her suggestion,
and she laughed. “I’m serious. I’ve known Edward long enough to know he’s not shy about
that shit. And with the way that boy is infatuated with you? I swear he’d probably fucking
cum in his pants before he could even get it out if you asked him to see it or touch it. But I
understand if you’re not ready to be that bold, so if you’ve got any questions you can feel
free to ask me and I’ll try to answer them, if it’ll help you feel comfortable.”
I stared at her for a moment, debating her offer. “Are they… big?” I asked finally. As soon
as the question escaped my lips I blushed, embarrassed to be asking that. She smirked.
“They can be. They come in different sizes, no two are the same. I can’t say this from
experience or anything, but rumor has it Edward’s a bit on the larger side.’
“Really?” I asked hesitantly. She nodded.
“The girls sometimes call him Cocky Cullen, and it’s not because he’s conceited. It’s
because he’s evidently packing,” she said. She paused and laughed. “That fucker used to
joke about having a nine inch dick but I always thought he was exaggerating until the girls
at school started talking about it.”
I sat quietly for a moment, trying to picture a measuring ruler in my mind to gauge how big
nine inches was. Rosalie must’ve figured out what I was doing because she smirked and
brought her hands up, showing me an estimated length with her fingers. My eyes widened
with shock and I gaped at her, which caused her to laugh once more. I probably should’ve
been offended by her laughing at me, but there didn’t seem to be any vindictiveness to it.
“Yeah, it’s pretty big. But don’t let the size scare you. Alice would probably tell you that size
doesn’t matter, rattle off some bullshit about it not being the size of the boat, but the
motion of the ocean that counts. But I’ll be the bitch and tell you straight up that bigger is
usually better, as long as they know what they’re doing with it,” she said. I nodded, still
slightly stunned.
“And that fits… down there?” I asked, stunned, as it just didn’t seem plausible. She smiled
and nodded.
“A woman stretches to accommodate,” she said. I nodded, trying to grasp the concept.
“But does it… hurt?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn’t entirely worried about the pain aspect, as
I’d endured torturous pain before and the concept of hurting physically didn’t scare me. It
was more the unknown that bothered me. She sighed.
“It can the first time. But as long as the guy knows what he’s doing, they can make it as easy
and painless as possible. And not all pain is bad in sex, some pain feels good,” she said. I
stared at her, trying to absorb the idea, and she sighed. “But seriously, don’t be shy with
Edward about it because I guarantee that boy has no shame and will talk you through it.”
I smiled. “Okay,” I said softly, not entirely sure I had the nerve to bring something like that
up to him without being completely embarrassed, but I wanted her to know I was listening
and appreciated her advice. We sat silently for a moment before she cleared her throat and
stood up, brushing her clothes I assume to get the wrinkles out.
“That’s all I really had to say,” she said, turning to look at me. “I can’t promise I won’t ever
be a bitch to you or accidentally say something to upset you, because that’s just me, but I’ll
try to be more sensitive to your, uh… situation,” she said. “And I’d appreciate it if what was
said didn’t leave this room, as I wouldn’t want your boyfriend to think I was getting soft. I’d
hate to have to kick him in his supposed nine inch dick to prove a point, because I’m sure
you’ll be wanting to utilize it before long.” My eyes widened as the blush immediately crept
into my cheeks and she smirked, shaking her head. She walked over toward the door,
pulling it open quickly and freezing.
“What, are you fucking spying?” she said, sounding irritated. “Don’t think she can take care
of herself?”
My brow furrowed and I glanced over, shocked when I saw Edward standing there. He
rattled off something about winked monkeys and I held back laughter, knowing exactly
what he was alluding to. I’d seen enough of the Wizard of Oz over the years in passing to
piece together the story. They exchanged a few more words and she tried to hit him as she
left, but he jumped out of the way and came in the room. I stood there, quite nervous as
last night was lingering on my mind and it was the first time we’d been alone together since
then. I also had Rosalie’s words in my head and oddly had to resist the urge to glance down
at his pants to see if I could see any indication of his male parts. It was so silly but I
couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it all, so I just stood there awkwardly trying to keep
myself from reacting because of it. He walked over to me and I started blushing and had to
look away, his proximity only making those thoughts worse. It seemed to dawn on him
what I was thinking because he laughed and hugged me, saying sweet things that warmed
my heart. He kissed my lips softly but those thoughts were still running through me out of
control, making me want more. I knew emotionally I wasn’t entirely ready for more, that
I’d need to work myself up to that point, but my body was betraying me and trying to act on
it’s own accord.
He suggested we go out somewhere for the day and it shocked me that he’d take me out in
public, as we were supposed to be cautious so his father didn’t find out, but he didn’t seem
concerned about it. He went to take a shower and I nervously changed clothes, staring in
the closet and trying to pick out something to make me look decent. Edward was used to
being seen with pretty girls, girls that looked like models, and it made me a bit anxious
because I could never look like they do. I pulled on some of the clothes I’d yet to wear
because they didn’t seem sensible to clean in, and brushed my hair out to let it hang. I put
on some perfume but I didn’t know how to put on make-up properly, so I didn’t even
bother trying. I felt slightly inadequate, but thankfully he seemed pleased when he saw me
and told me he thought I looked great.
Edward was handsome, without a doubt. He wore a green shirt that made his eyes sparkle,
bringing out the bright tones in them. I was mesmerized by them, stunned at how amazing
he was and how lucky I’d been to have him walk into my life. He led me out to the car and
had one of his miniature tantrums about the car seat, snapping at me briefly, but I allowed
him his time to get over it. He apologized, as he usually did afterwards, and suggested he
give me an orgasm in the car. He’d only been joking but I was stunned by his openness, his
nonchalance on the subject. It reminded me of what Rosalie had said, how he had no
shame and I shouldn’t be shy talking to him about that stuff. But I knew in the car was not
the time to bring it up.
We went to dinner and I knew immediately, based on his expression, when he bypassed the
first restaurant abruptly that he knew someone there and didn’t want to get caught. A hint
of panic rang through his features and he tensed up a bit. He tried to play it off but he
didn’t have to pretend with me, I understood completely and I didn’t blame him for it. We
were dealt a certain set of cards and we had to make due with them. The meal itself was
great, the conversation was relaxed and the food was amazing.
We left the restaurant and went to the movie theatre, deciding to watch some movie about
a boy named Harry Potter. Edward purchased candy and soda, which oddly didn’t surprise
me a bit, and we settled in at the back of the theatre. It was a bit daunting at first, being
somewhere so big yet so enclosed, with so many people. It was loud and dark and crowded,
the only thing not sending me into a panic attack immediately was the fact that Edward
never let go of me the entire time. I wasn’t sure if he understood how much his touch
affected me, how much his presence reassured me, but I knew that without him I wouldn’t
have made it.
He shared his candy and soda with me, and after awhile I relaxed and started getting into
the movie. Halfway through the movie Edward leaned over and kissed me, which stunned
me because we were in public and people would see, but he didn’t seem bothered by it. It
was a sweet kiss, so gentle and compassionate.
The drive home from the theatre flew by quickly, and it didn’t dawn on me until we were
nearing the driveway in Forks that I’d talked nonstop nearly the entire time. It sort of
shocked me, as I never talked that much and I’d barely given Edward an opportunity to
even say anything at all. I glanced over at him when he pulled up in front of the house,
slightly anxious and worried that my babbling had irritated him, but he simply smiled at
me and appeared to be genuinely happy.
Edward and I went straight up to the third floor, and I slipped away to change. I wasn’t use
to wearing tight clothing and it was slightly uncomfortable wearing such restricting jeans. I
stripped quickly, tossing my clothes in the hamper and putting the boots where they go in
the closet. I stood in front of my dresser in my bra and underwear, hesitating. I pulled out a
pair of shorts and a tank top, light pink in color, and slipped them on quickly. Dr. Cullen
kept the house comfortable, slightly warm, which I was used to and appreciated. I went
into the bathroom and grabbed a hair band, pulling my hair back in a loose ponytail. I
headed over to Edward’s room, hesitating in the hallway but not bothering to knock
because he was expecting me. I walked inside and glanced at Edward, who was sitting in
his desk chair. He looked up at me and started coughing immediately, a big puff of smoke
escaping his mouth. I froze and started at him with shock, realizing he was smoking
marijuana. He didn’t do it very often; I think I’d only personally seen him do it three times
since that evening he’d blown the smoke at me. He turned slightly red coughing and he
appeared to be struggling to catch his breath. I stared at him, a bit worried but he waved
his hand at me, silently indicating he was okay. I walked over hesitantly and sat down on
his bed, still eyeing him warily.
“Are you okay?” I asked as I sat down. He cleared his throat and seemed to regain his
composure, nodding.
He said he was okay and his voice was gritty from the smoke, making him sound husky. It
reminded me of how he sounded when he first woke up in the morning, still slightly groggy
and hoarse from sleep. It was odd, but I found it sexy. He stared at me for a bit, smiling.
“You’re fucking beautiful, Isabella,” he said eventually.
I smiled and blushed, caught slightly off guard by his random compliment. I never thought
of myself as beautiful but Edward had a way of making me feel like I was. I told him that as
he took another hit of his marijuana, told him that he made me feel beautiful. He stared at
me for a moment, appearing to absorb my words, and exhaled.
“I love you,” he said, his voice completely serious and barely above a whisper. I believed
him when he spoke it, believed it with every part of my soul. He stood up from his chair
and I watched him, smiling and trying with everything I had to fight back the tears brewing
in my eyes from happiness, not wanting to freak him out by overreacting. My heart was
beating rapidly as I gazed at him, emotion whipping through me.
“I love you too. So much,” I said softly. He groaned lightly as the words escaped my lips and
started toward me. My eyes widened in shock as he kicked one of his schoolbooks that he’d
left lying on the floor, yelping and causing the smoke in his lungs to be forced out. He
started coughing and plopped down on the bed, grabbing a hold of his foot.
“Are you okay?” I asked hesitantly, running my hand up and down his back softly. He had
his head hunched down and was rubbing his foot, and I was worried he’d be irritated. I’d
had such an amazing evening with him and I didn’t want him to get upset and snap and put
a damper on it. He trembled lightly and lay back on the bed quickly. I tried to move, not
wanting to be in his way, as I couldn’t gauge his mood and didn’t want to irritate him, but
before I could he settled his head in my lap.
It startled me for a moment but he glanced up in my face, looking relaxed despite his foot
obviously hurting. I smiled and gazed into his eyes, enjoying the twinkle in them, and
immediately thought about how lucky I was to have him. I never imagined something so
amazing could happen to me, that I could meet someone as beautifully flawed as him.
He finally spoke after a moment, telling me he needed a favor. It confused me briefly and I
asked him what it was, knowing that regardless of what he asked of me I’d be very unlikely
to ever tell him no. I was devoted to this handsome creature and I knew nothing was going
to change that. He smirked and told me his bedroom needed cleaned and I laughed,
because it was the truth and I was glad he was finally acknowledging it. He smiled and
turned his head, snuggling into my lap. He brought his hand up and started rubbing my
thigh, and I could feel his breath on my exposed skin. I started to squirm, feeling tingles
shooting through my body and settling between my legs, awakening every inch of me. I
started rubbing his back and running my hand through his hair, loving the feeling of his
soft and messy bronze hair in between my fingers. He desperately needed a haircut, as it
had grown a good bit since my arrival and was getting out of control, but it still had charm
to it and was a part of who he was.
He sighed and I glanced down, noticing he closed his eyes. “Tomorrow, though. Cleaning
can wait for tomorrow,” he mumbled, squirming his head around a bit like he was trying to
burrow it into my lap. I smiled and gazed down at him, caressing him softly. His lips were
twitching a bit, small smirks overcoming his mouth.
My hand that was rubbing his back came to rest on his side after a moment, near his hip. I
was still gazing down at him, and I watched as his eyes opened and he cut them toward me.
He smiled his dashing crooked grin when he saw I was looking at him.
“Wanna do something?” he asked softly.
“Like what?” I asked. He shrugged his shoulders slightly and sighed, pushing himself up
from my lap. He stood up from the bed and walked over to the desk, making sure to bypass
the book he’d kicked. He picked his marijuana back up and lit it up, taking a hit of it. He
exhaled after a moment.
“We never finished our game of 21 questions that day,” he said. I looked at him with
surprise and smiled.
“Okay,” I said. He nodded, smirking, and took another hit of his marijuana. He sat it back
down on the desk and walked over, sitting gently down beside me on the bed. He cocked an
eyebrow at me with a questioning look on his face and I smiled, knowing immediately what
he wanted. He leaned forward slowly, pausing with his lips barely grazing mine, and
started exhaling. I closed my eyes and inhaled, bringing his smoke into my lungs. I held it
and heard him chuckle as he pulled his lips back slightly from mine. I opened my eyes and
saw he was still right in my face, his nose almost touching mine. I exhaled, letting the
smoke go, and once my lungs were clear he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine
powerfully. The force of it pushed me backwards and we both laughed as he hovered
overtop of me, kissing me deeply. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed back with
everything I had. He finally pulled back from my lips after a moment and smirked, kissing
me softly twice more.
“There’s nothing fucking sexier than seeing you breath in my air,” he said, his voice gritty.
It sent a shiver down my spine and I moaned lightly as he immediately leaned forward and
pressed his mouth to my neck.
“Question number, whatever damn number. Did you want me to kiss you that day?
Because I fucking swear I thought you did, but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t,” he mumbled, his
lips still travelling across my skin. I sighed, running my fingers through his hair.
“Yes,” I murmured softly. “I, uh… I was scared, though.”
He groaned. “Are you still scared?” he asked. I hesitated, considering the answer. His
breath was blowing across my neck, making me tingle from head to foot.
“Yes,” I said. “But not for the same reason as before.”
He pulled his lips from my neck and sat up, raising his eyebrows. His expression showed
genuine interest. “Why are you scared now?” he asked curiously.
I sighed, bringing my bottom lip into my mouth nervously. “Isn’t it my turn to ask a
question?” I asked. He groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Just answer it please,” he said. “Why are you scared?”
“I’m scared of losing you,” I said softly, my voice trembling slightly from nerves. It wasn’t
easy to admit my insecurities, to allow myself to be seen as so vulnerable. Vulnerability
wasn’t ever a good thing for someone like me.
He sighed and stared at me for a bit, his gaze intense. He shifted off of me and sat up,
pulling his shirt off quickly. I watched him with confusion, unsure of what he was doing
and slightly afraid that I’d said something wrong. He lay down beside me after a moment,
lying on his side. I rolled over onto my side and he reached out abruptly, gripping my hand
tightly. I flinched back from him, not from fright but from being caught off guard, and he
paused and loosened his grip slightly. After a moment he brought my hand over and laid it
gently on his chest, over the spot where his heart was. He pressed his hand overtop of
mine, staring into my eyes intensely. His expression was staggering, completely
overwhelming as the love he felt was written all over it. His skin was warm to the touch and
I could slightly feel his heart in his chest pounding against my palm.
“Do you feel that?” he asked quietly. I nodded, slightly stunned by his seriousness. “I’m not
going anywhere, Isabella. This is yours.”
I felt my eyes welling up with tears and tried to fight them back, but it was useless. One
spilled over almost immediately, running down my cheek. He smiled and removed his
hand from on top of mine, reaching out to brush the tear away. “Your turn to ask a
question, tesoro,’ he said.
I sighed. “What are you afraid of?” I asked, keeping my hand over his heart. It was stunning
to be able to feel it pounding, as it was almost in rhythm with mine. He sighed.
“You being hurt because of me,” he said without hesitation. My eyes widened slightly with
surprise, not expecting that answer. “I’m afraid my father’s going to take you from me, or
something’s going to go terribly fucking wrong when I try to steal you.”
My eyes widened even more. “Steal me?” I asked, slightly panicking. He smiled lightly.
“Okay, not steal you per say, don’t go fucking panicking on me. But I’m going to figure out a
way to get you out of this situation,” he said.
I stared at him for a moment, fighting back the hope that was trying to swell through me. It
was dangerous for me to start hoping for freedom, because slaves weren’t just freed. Slaves
were used and discarded when their time was up. We knew entirely too much to just be let
loose in the world. I’d given a bit of thought to how Edward and I were ever going to be
together, and realized that something would have to happen for us to ever last. He would
leave soon, as he was almost an adult, and if nothing happened he’d be leaving me behind
as he went on with life. But the concept that I could ever find the freedom I craved was
hard to accept.
“There is no way out, Edward,” I said after a moment, the pessimism once again winning
out as I beat back the hope. His brow furrowed at my words and he stared at me with
confusion. “This isn’t just a phase of my life. This IS my life. Slavery is what brought me
into the world, and it’ll probably be what takes me out. There’s no use even trying to
change that, it’s pointless.”
His eyes narrowed as his face clouded over with anger. My eyes widened with shock at his
sudden change in demeanor. There was a fire in his eyes, a spark of rage swirling in the
green that frightened me. He sat up quickly, pulling away from me, and I pulled my hand
back swiftly from his chest. My heart started pounding erratically, as I was stunned and
confused about his reaction, and he sat there and glared at me furiously. “Don’t you ever
fucking say that,” he said sharply, his voice raised. I just stared at him, unsure of what I
was supposed to do or say, or even exactly what I’d said wrong. He took a deep breath,
appearing to try to calm himself down, but it didn’t work because the fire was still burning
in his eyes. “I’m trying not to be fucking angry at you, but you can’t just say shit like that.
You can’t just fucking give up like that. There’s a lot more to life than this bullshit, there’s
an entire fucking world out there for you that you’re going to have to fight with me for.
You’ve got to fucking trust me, and you can’t just goddamn give up and say it’s pointless.
Because it’s not fucking pointless. If it’s so goddamn pointless, than why the fuck are we
here? Am I pointless to you?”
“No!” I said quickly, my brow furrowing. I didn’t want him to think he didn’t mean
anything to me because he did. He was everything to me. I sat up quickly and felt my eyes
welling up with tears again. “You’re not pointless. You’re the only thing in my life that has
any meaning, Edward.”
He sighed and shook his head, still looking upset. “Am I worth fucking fighting for?
Because if you’re not willing to fight, you’ve gotta tell me now. Because I’m fully prepared
to do whatever the fuck it may take and I’m not going to do that shit for nothing, if you’re
not going to even try.”
“Of course you’re worth fighting for,” I said, reaching my trembling hand out quickly and
cupping his cheek. I almost expected him to pull away from me because of the anger still
written all over his face, but he didn’t. He leaned his head slightly into my touch and sighed
loudly.
“Then don’t say that shit, alright? When I say I’m going to figure out a way to get you out of
this situation, I mean it. I’m not just fucking around here, I mean it when I say I love you,
they aren’t just words to me. And Christ, I’m sorry I’m fucking yelling, but it upsets me
when you put yourself down and doubt shit,” he said. The anger in his expression faded a
bit and was taken over by one of sadness, hurt. He was staring at me intensely and I
nodded.
“It’s just not easy to have hope,” I said, wanting him to understand. He sighed, reaching his
hand up and placing it overtop of mine on his cheek. He leaned further into my touch.
“You think I don’t know that, tesoro? But you’ve gotta have a bit of faith in me.Volere è
potere,” he said.
“What’s that mean?” I asked. He smiled lightly.
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” he said. “My dad says that shit all the time. It’s his
answer for every fucking thing.”
I smiled lightly and nodded. “I’m sorry, for the doubt,” I mumbled. He shrugged.
“No blood, no foul,” he said nonchalantly. He glanced over at the clock and sighed, running
his hand through his hair. “How about we just get some sleep?” he suggested, turning back
to me. I smiled and nodded.
“Sounds good,” I said. He got up from the bed and grabbed the remote, turning on the
stereo to some soft piano music. He put the remote back down and walked over, flicking
the light switch so the light went off. He came over and climbed back in bed, pulling me
down to him quickly and wrapping his arms around me. He nuzzled into my hair, inhaling.
“Goodnight, Isabella,” he said softly. His voice had a hint of sadness to it and I felt bad
immediately, knowing I’d completely killed his mood and likely ruined the memory of the
night.
“Goodnight, Edward,” I murmured. I felt a tear slip down my cheek and closed my eyes,
ignoring it. I gripped onto his arms that were wrapped around me, holding him tightly to
me, not wanting him to ever let me go. It was just so hard to be optimistic when you live
like I do.
I fell into a deep sleep and for the first time in a while, the nightmares filtered into my
unconscious. It started as brief flashes of my life, harmless images of moments with my
mom, but those in themselves were hard to see. Hard to revisit, because she wasn’t there
anymore. She was a long ways a way and it felt like a lifetime ago since I’ve seen her or
heard her voice, and I worried she’d be nothing but an apparition to me for now on, a
figment of my imagination. It morphed into the violence, the brutality I witness, the
murder I was forced to watch and clean up after. I relived some of my worst beatings, Jane
kicking me in the face, Charles grabbing me by the hair and dragging me through the yard.
The belts and whips and switches they’d used on me. The punches and slaps and kicks and
shoves. And the blood, oh so much blood. From there it morphed into that angry glare of
Dr. Cullen’s, the rage and detachment in his eyes as he shoved the gun into my throat, the
loud click as he pulled back the trigger.
I sat upright abruptly as I regained consciousness, and glanced around the dark room
frantically. I was trembling and felt queasy. I felt the bile rising up in my throat and jumped
out of the bed, running for Edward’s bathroom. I collapsed on his floor and started dry
heaving over his toilet, unable to stop it. I sat there for a moment while my system calmed
down, trying to pull myself together.
I stood up after a bit, my legs a bit shaky and my entire body sweaty, but at least my
stomach was settled for the most part. I walked back into the bedroom, staring at the bed
and frowning. Edward wasn’t there, and judging from the fact that he hadn’t come after me
when I ran for the bathroom, I was assuming he had been gone for a while.
I hesitated but walked to the door, slipping out into the hallway. The floor was dark and
completely silent, almost eerily so. I walked down it quietly for the stairs, heading down to
the second floor. I headed for the stairs leading to the foyer, thinking maybe he was getting
something to drink, and froze abruptly when I heard the music start up.
It was haunting and dark, laced with sadness, and I didn’t know what the song was but it
sounded eerie echoing through the silent house. I walked toward the steps slowly, making
sure to be quiet, and paused at the top. I sat down quietly and glanced through the
banister, down at the platform the piano sat on. Edward was sitting on the bench, playing
the haunting notes beautifully, hunched over slightly with his posture matching the tone of
the melody. The music grew louder after a moment, as he started pressing the keys almost
furiously, but as quickly as it spiked up it settled back down to soft haunting notes.
I leaned my head against the banister, curling up into a ball slightly, and watched him play
for a bit. I was completely mesmerized, hearing so much emotion pouring from his
fingertips. He seemed to be playing the same dark tune in a continuous loop; as soon as it
would wind down he’d start it right back up.
I wondered how often he played at night, if he snuck out of bed frequently. Unless Edward
woke me up with a nightmare, I’d found myself sleeping entirely through the night lately,
not waking up once until the sun had already risen outside. Did he always do this, was this
part of his routine? Or had I really upset him earlier to the point where he didn’t want to
sleep with me, didn’t want to be near me?
My eyelids were growing heavy but I fought them, not wanting to get up and leave yet. I
was entirely too captivated by the music he was making to go back to bed already. I must’ve
lost my battle with my eyelids, however, because the next thing I knew I was being jolted
around and my eyes snapped open, completely startled and puzzled. My gaze fell on
Edward immediately and I glanced around with confusion, stunned when I saw we were
standing on the second floor and he was cradling me in his arms. It dawned on me that I
fell asleep listening to him play, and he must’ve found me when he was heading back
upstairs. I gave him an apologetic look, hoping he wasn’t too upset at me for spying on him
while he played, but he merely smiled.
“We have beds, tesoro, you don’t have to sleep on the floor,” he said playfully. I smiled
lightly.
“I woke up and you were gone, and I saw you playing but didn’t want to interrupt,” I
mumbled, groggy from sleep.
“You could’ve come down, I wouldn’t have minded. And I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier,
sorry if I upset you,” he said. He started up the stairs toward the 3rd floor and I wrapped
my arms around his neck as he squeezed me to him tighter in a hug.
“It’s okay,” I mumbled. He sighed, shaking his head.
“No, it’s not okay,” he said, sounding exasperated.
I sighed but didn’t argue with him. I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes
as he hit the third floor and carried me to his room. He laid me down on the bed and
walked around, crawling in beside me. He pulled me closer to him and I snuggled up to his
chest, drifting back off to sleep immediately.
I woke up much later and pulled my head up slightly, glancing at the alarm clock. I was
stunned when I saw it was already a few minutes past 10am. I pulled myself out of
Edward’s arms gently, being careful not to wake him, and slipped out of bed. I navigated
my way through the mess, thankful that we were going to be doing something about that
soon, and headed out into the hallway. I closed the door gently behind me and headed
down the hallway for the stairs. I slipped down them quickly, pausing when I hit the foyer
and heard the TV on in the living room. I walked that way quietly, surprised when I saw
Jasper sitting on the couch with the remote in his hand. He glanced up at me and smiled.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said. I smiled.
“Good morning, Jasper,” I said warmly. “Are you hungry? I was going to make some
breakfast.”
His smile grew. “That’s awfully sweet of you. And yes, I could eat,” he said. I nodded.
“Good. Is Emmett home?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yeah, he went to take a shower. He should be down in a bit,” he said. I smiled and
mumbled an ‘okay’, turning and heading for the kitchen. I knew if Emmett was home, I’d
need to make a good bit more food because he had such a large appetite. I started frying
some bacon and threw together ingredients to make the batter for pancakes. I started on
them and cracked some eggs in a pan, scrambling them. I was working on cooking the food
and pulling out some fruit to chop it up when Emmett bounded down the steps. He was
talking on his cell phone and paused in the foyer, glancing in at me and smiling. Jasper
walked into the kitchen from the living room and leapt up on the counter, sitting down a
few feet from the stove.
“Have a good date yesterday?” he asked curiously. “What did you guys do?” I glanced over
at him and smiled.
“Yes, it was great,” I said. “He took me to dinner and we watched a movie.” He nodded,
smiling happily.
“Good. Ya know, I was kinda worried at first. Edward’s never actually taken a girl out
anywhere before so I didn’t know if he even knew what a date really was. I was worried that
maybe he thought a date consisted of balling a girl in the park and buying her a happy meal
afterwards.”
I glanced up at him with confusion. “What?" I asked, unsure of what he meant by balling a
girl. I was pretty sure a happy meal was something from McDonalds, though.
“What part didn’t you get?” he asked hesitantly, looking almost like he regretted his words.
I shrugged. “Balling a girl?” I asked. He sighed and closed his eyes, but before he could
respond someone cleared their throat from the doorway. I jumped and swung around, my
eyes widening when they fell upon Edward. He looked quite disheveled from sleep, his hair
sticking up. He was wearing nothing but his shorts still.
I heard Jasper mumble a curse word and Edward’s eyes snapped over to him. “What are
you, the fucking Gestapo?” Edward asked. “Interrogating her and shit?” Jasper sighed.
“I was just curious,” Jasper said, shrugging. Edward rolled his eyes.
“Whatever. I know how to treat a girl,” he said, sounding defensive. He glanced over at me,
looking slightly apprehensive and inquisitive. I stared at him for a moment, confused by
the look he was giving me before it struck me. He didn’t believe his own words and was
looking at me, trying to find confirmation that he treated me good. I smiled, as it was
somewhat endearing to see someone as secure as Edward turning to someone like me for a
boost of confidence.
“I smell food!” Emmett yelled excitedly as soon as he hung up his phone. He headed into
the kitchen, brushing by Edward and Jasper. He walked straight over to me and reached
over, trying to grab a piece of bacon. Without even thinking I smacked his hand, freezing
immediately afterwards when I realized what I’d done. I remembered my mom smacking
my hand countless times when I was younger and tried to sneak a piece of food, not
understanding that it wasn’t allowed, and had just done it to Emmett instinctively. I knew
better than that though, I knew better than to lay a hand on a master.
Emmett froze, stunned by my behavior, and just gaped at me with his hand still in mid-air.
I glanced over at Jasper and saw he looked just as shocked. I swung my head around to
look at Edward and saw he was smirking, trying to contain his laughter.
“Did you just hit me?” Emmett asked hesitantly. “Because I swear to God I thought you did,
but maybe I just imagined that shit.”
His words caused Edward to crack and he started laughing hysterically. Jasper chuckled
and Emmett just stared at me with his eyebrows raised, obviously waiting on an answer. I
started mumbling incoherently and Edward laughed even harder. He walked over behind
me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head.
“Serves you right fucker,” Edward said jokingly. Emmett glanced at him and grinned. He
reached down quickly, snatching a piece of bacon before any of us realized what he was
doing, and took a bite.
“Yeah, kitten here has some guts, I’ll tell you that,” Emmett said. “Takes a shitload of
bravery to try to get between me and my food.”
I smiled and was going to apologize to Emmett, not intending to hit him, but Edward spoke
up before I could say anything. “Why do you call her kitten?” he asked.
Emmett smiled. “Because she’s just like a fucking kitten, that’s why. All cute and cuddly
and innocent looking, but out of no where the claws will come out and she’ll rear up and
show a hint of that vicious little animal in her. I mean, she’s still relatively harmless, but
she’s not completely defenseless, ya know?”
I stared at him with shock at his perception of me and Edward laughed. “Yeah, I know.”
“Yeah of course you know, she’s got you by the balls,” Emmett said immediately. Edward
groaned.
“And Rosalie doesn’t have you on a fucking leash like some goddamn lap dog?” Edward
asked sharply.
“Shit, she wishes. I’m my own man, fool,” Emmett said, smiling and nodding. Jasper and
Edward both started laughing loudly.
“You wish,” Jasper said. “I’m not ashamed to say that Alice has me wrapped around her
finger, and you’re kidding yourself if you don’t think Rosalie wears the pants in your
relationship. You’re even worse than Edward is. At least he admits to being whipped.” My
brow furrowed with confusion and Edward groaned.
“Uh… the food’s done?” I said, not understanding what they were talking about and feeling
like I was eavesdropping on a conversation I wasn’t supposed to hear. It sounded more like
a question than a statement when I said it but they got the idea. Emmett whipped open the
cabinet door to grab a plate, nearly smacking Jasper with it. He hopped off the counter to
get out of the way, laughing. Edward stayed where he was, holding onto me. He leaned
down and kissed my neck softly as his brothers started grabbing food.
Edward and I got plates last, and went into the living room to eat and watch some TV. After
breakfast I went back into the kitchen and cleaned up some while the boys chatted. There
weren’t any leftovers, thanks to Emmett, so all I had to do was wash up the dishes and wipe
down the counters.
Edward walked in when I was finishing up, leaning against the door frame and crossing his
arms over his chest. He watched me in silence; his gaze so intense it felt like it was
penetrating through me. It made me feel a bit self-conscious and I felt myself blushing
occasionally when we’d make eye contact.
“You done?” he asked after a bit. I glanced around and nodded. “You ready to go tackle my
bedroom with me?”
I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, feeling slightly more excited about cleaning than I
likely should’ve. But it was a big deal, him letting me clean his room finally, so it felt
different. He smirked, sensing my enthusiasm, and nodded his head toward the stairs
before turning around. I followed him out and up the steps quietly.
We got to his bedroom and he stepped inside, pausing near the doorway. I stopped beside
him and glanced around, unsure of where to start. He sighed after a moment, running his
hand through his hair nervously. “Look, I have no idea what you may find in this mess, so
I’m going to apologize in advance for it all, so I don’t have to keep saying the shit as we go,”
he said. I smiled.
“It’s okay, no big deal,” I said, shrugging. He chuckled.
“I wouldn’t say that yet,” he mumbled. He walked over and started grabbing his dirty
clothes, tossing them in his hamper. I hesitated, but cleared my throat after a second.
“Don’t you want to separate them?” I asked. He froze, holding a pair of pants, and turned to
cock an eyebrow at me.
“Separate them for what?” he asked. I smiled lightly.
“So I can wash them. You have to separate them by colors,” I said. His brow furrowed with
confusion and I started laughing. “A pile of whites and a pile of colors will work,” I said,
trying to clarify to make it easier on him. It was quite evident right off the bat that he had
no idea what he was doing. He sighed and brought his hand up, saluting me.
“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled. I froze, my smile falling, worried he thought I was trying to
boss him around but I was only attempting to make it easier on us both. He saw my
expression and sighed again, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m just kidding
around, relax. I can handle separating clothes, just was completely fucking unaware I was
supposed to.”
I nodded. He turned back to the clothes and dug them back out of the hamper, grumbling
under his breath. He started tossing them into two piles and I glanced around, unsure of
what to do first. I reached down and picked up one of his schoolbooks, walking over and
sitting it on his desk. I picked up another one of his schoolbooks and sat it down on his
desk, freezing when I recognized my name on a piece of paper sticking out of it. I glanced
over at Edward briefly, who was sorting through clothes intently, and turned back to the
book. I opened it up to see the paper, smiling when I spotted my name written a few times.
It looked like a math assignment of some sort and he’d doodled along the edges.
“So, uh…” Edward started. I closed the book quickly and turned around to him, not
wanting him to think I was snooping through his belongings for fun. He was holding up a
white shirt with navy blue stripes, eyeing it warily. “Would you consider this a color or a
white?” he asked. He turned to look at me briefly. “And schoolbooks go in the book bag
over there," he said, nodding toward the bag beside the bed.
I smiled and nodded. “It’s a color,” I said. I glanced down at the piles. “That white shirt
with the green design on the back is a color also.”
He glanced down at the pile, narrowing his eyes. He snatched the shirt up and tossed it on
the other pile, grumbling. I caught the word ‘bullshit’ in the midst of it and I held back my
laughter, knowing he wouldn’t survive this job without a lot of cursing. “How the fuck can
you tell? It looked goddamn white to me,” he asked, sounding irritated. I smiled,
shrugging.
“The tag says not to use any bleach,” I said. I walked over and grabbed the bag, walking
over to the desk and putting the schoolbooks in it. He cut his eyes at me quickly before
turning back to the clothes.
“Well you didn’t fucking tell me to read the damn tags,” he said. I held back my laughter
again at his annoyance, knowing it would only make his irritation worse. It was clear he
was out of his element here, but I appreciated that he was attempting to do some of it
himself. I continued to pick up books he had scattered around the room, some schoolbooks
and others obviously for personal reading. It surprised me a bit to see so many books, as I
didn’t take Edward for a person who read for pleasure. I grabbed a smaller brown book
after a moment and glancing at the cover. It was slightly worn, looked to be quite old, and
there was nothing on the front of it but two gold words. I didn’t recognize them so I
thought maybe they were in a foreign language. My brow furrowed with confusion and I
eyed it warily, unsure of what to do with it.
“Edward, is this a schoolbook?” I asked hesitantly. He glanced up at me and froze when he

saw the book. He smirked after a second, and shook his head.
“No, that’s not shit they teach you in school, sweetheart,” he said, chuckling and sounding
quite amused about something. I glanced back down at the cover.
“Is it Italian?” I asked. He glanced over at me, still looking amused, and shook his head
when I made eye contact with him. I stared at him for a moment, confused. “So, what is it?”
I asked.
He laughed again. “It’s, uh… “ he started. He paused and shook his head. “Christ, it’s
something I could show you a lot fucking easier than I could tell you.”
My brow furrowed and I glanced back down at the cover, slightly confused and a bit
nervous because of his reaction. I opened the book hesitantly and my eyes immediately fell
on a painting of a man and a woman. It confused me for a second because the man was
sitting down and the woman was bent at an odd angle, doing a backbend on him and I
stared at it, trying to figure out what they were doing. My eyes widened after a moment
when I noticed his head was between her legs and she had his male parts in her mouth. I
yelped with surprise and immediately let go of the book, stunned. It fell to the floor,
landing face-up with a thud. Edward started laughing loudly and walked over to where I
was, pausing beside me. He glanced down at the picture of the woman doing the odd bend
with the man’s privates in her mouth, eyeing it for a moment. I just stood frozen, shocked,
and he glanced over at me and smirked.
“How flexible are you?” he asked playfully, glancing back down at the picture briefly. I
gasped and he started laughing, shaking his head. “I’m kidding,” he said, reaching down
and picking the book up. He closed it and tapped the cover, sighing. “It’s called the Kama
Sutra, it’s like the Bible of sex. And if that embarrassed you, you might want to stop digging
around in the room because you’re bound to find the real porn at some point.”
“You have porn?” I asked, my eyes widening with surprise. After watching the movie
‘Boogie Nights’ I was well aware of what porn was. He chuckled and nodded.
“Yes, I have porn Isabella. Most males have porn. Shit, a lot of bitches have it even though
they don’t like admitting it,” he said, turning and tossing the Kama Sutra book on his desk.
He started to walk across the room but paused and turned to look at me, smiling
sheepishly. “I meant girls, not bitches. My bad.”
I smiled lightly, shrugging. “It’s okay,” I said, turning away from him and glancing around
the room. Edward finished separating the clothes while I finished gathering up the books. I
took the hamper of whites downstairs and started a load of laundry, having to pull out a
few things that were very obviously not bleachable. I simply sat them aside in the laundry
room to wash with the next load, not wanting to make it a big deal, as I knew Edward
would if he realized he’d made any mistakes. He tended to be a perfectionist, I realized, and
didn’t like messing anything up even if it was easily fixable. I ran into Jasper briefly in the
hallway of the second floor. He laughed when I told him we were cleaning Edward’s
bedroom and wished me good luck on it because of Edward’s peculiar nature with his
belongings.
I headed back up to Edward’s room with the empty hamper and paused in the doorway
when I saw he was lying down on his bed, sprawled out on his stomach with his eyes
closed. I stood there and stared at his back for a moment, almost mesmerized by the way
his muscles were sculpted and how his tattoo stood out so prominent on his pale skin. He
shifted around after a moment and opened his eyes, glancing over at me. He smiled lazily.
“I forfeit,” he mumbled. I giggled and shook my head at the fact that all he’d done was sort
clothes into two piles, and had done a pretty bad job at it, at that. He chuckled and sat up.
“Seriously, this shit’s hard work.”
“Eh, it’s not so bad,” I said, shrugging. He rolled his eyes and stood up, running his hand
through his hair. I started throwing his pile of colors in his hamper, pulling it out into the
hallway to get it out of the way. I glanced around briefly, my eyes falling on a set of sheets
still sitting in the corner. I walked over to them and attempted to reach down and grab
them, but Edward yelled abruptly, stopping me. I froze and glanced at him and he walked
over and picked them up himself. He walked over toward the door and tossed them in the
hallway. I stared at him with confusion, wondering why he’d reacted that way. “Was there
something wrong with those sheets?” I asked hesitantly. He groaned, shaking his head.
“They’re tainted,” he said simply. I stared at him, not understanding, but realized after a
moment that he wasn’t planning on elaborating any more than that. He put a few CD’s
away and started organizing his DVDs, so I walked over and started stripping his bed.
Edward changed his sheets himself often, as he wasn’t exactly unsanitary thankfully, and
usually just dropped the dirty sheets in the hamper in the laundry room whenever he did it.
I tossed the sheets, pillowcases, and the comforter out in the hallway, making sure to keep
it separate from the supposed tainted sheets since Edward reacted so strongly about them.
I headed down to the second floor, pulling clean linens and a blanket out of the closet,
making sure to grab some that Edward had used before in case he was picky about them
also. I took them up to Edward’s room and started making his bed. He was fiddling with his
stereo, had his CD player open and was loading it with CDs. He closed it after a moment,
returning the CD cases to their spots, and turned the stereo on. Some loud rap music came
on immediately, the bass in it rattling his wall, and he smirked seemingly quite pleased
with it. I’d noticed the past few weeks that Edward’s taste in music was wide-ranged. He’d
go from a soft piano tune to a loud rock song to a vulgar rap song quickly. I even heard him
listening to a country song once, but he pretended to not know what I was talking about for
some reason when I said something about it later that day.
He walked over and plopped down in his desk chair, grabbing the pipe of marijuana he’d
left lying there last night. I finished making his bed and he lit it up, taking a hit. I started
walking around the room, grabbing random things and sticking them where I presumed
they went. Edward sat back and was watching me closely, making me a bit self-conscious. I
didn’t mind that he wasn’t really doing anything to help, as honestly I knew I’d do a better
job if I was left to do it on my own, but his gaze was making me nervous because of how he
was about his things. Occasionally he’d get an irritated look on his face and I knew he was
trying to contain himself from living up to his reputation and coming off as finicky. I
appreciated him holding back his natural instinct to intervene, as I half expected him to
start snatching things from me to keep my fingers off of them.
He put the pipe down after a moment and stood up. The song changed and he started
laughing, shaking his head. I looked at him with confusion and he started bobbing his
head, singing along with the words. I went back to picking stuff up but was listening to his
voice, smiling lightly to myself. The words were vulgar, as most of the rap he listened to
was, but he had a way of making it sound not so bad when it was coming from his lips.
He started helping again, picking stuff up and tossing it around. We had the floor cleared
before long and he took yet another break. I decided to take the clothes downstairs and
work on laundry, putting the first load in the dryer and starting his second load. I returned
back to the bedroom and saw Edward was gazing in his closet. He reached down and
started pulling stuff off of the closet floor, putting it away. I glanced around the room and
saw the edge of a book sticking out near the footboard of his bed. I walked over and got
down on my knees, pulling the comforter up and looking under the bed. My eyes widened
with shock when I saw how cluttered it was under there, my brow furrowing with confusion
when I saw boxes. I reached under and pulled out the books and a few magazines as well as
a couple DVDs, not touching the boxes, as I had no idea what they were. I put the
comforter back down and glanced at the pile I’d pulled out from under the bed. I shifted
through them, gasping when I saw the half-naked woman on the front of one of the DVD
cases. I covered it up quickly, but not quick enough as Edward had already spotted it. He
started laughing, shaking his head.
“Told you you’d find the porn,” he said. I grabbed the DVD and quickly shoved it back
under his bed, which only made him laugh harder. He walked over and crouched down in
front of me, reaching under the bed and grabbing it. He held it up in front of me and I
blushed, averting my eyes from it, embarrassed. He reached over and cupped my chin,
pulling my head up so I’d look at him. I made eye contact but could see the DVD from the
corner of my eye, which was making my blush deepen.
“Wanna watch it?” he asked softly, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. My eyes widened with
shock and I shook my head no quickly. He laughed and shook his head, standing back up.
He walked over and opened a drawer in his desk, tossing the DVD inside. “Fair enough.
Maybe some other time,” he said. He glanced over at me, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
I started chewing on my bottom lip nervously.
“Maybe,” I said softly. He smiled and nodded, shutting the drawer. I glanced back down at
the pile on the floor, sorting the rest of the stuff out and putting it back where it went.
Edward’s phone rang after a moment and he plopped down at his desk, picking it up. He
sighed and pressed a button, bringing it to his ear.
“What up, Ben?” he said. There was a pause and Edward started laughing, shaking his
head. Edward started talking about some teacher and I tried to block it out, not wanting to
eavesdrop because I didn’t want him to think I was nosey or didn’t trust him. I pulled a
packet of pictures out from under the bed and held it up, waving it briefly toward Edward.
He smiled, pointing toward a drawer. I turned in that direction but he cleared his throat
quickly. I turned around to face him and he covered the phone with his hand. “You can look
at them if you want, they’re just pictures of my brothers and Alice and Rose and stuff,” he
said. I smiled in response and he uncovered the phone, immediately saying something to
Ben. I opened the packet and pulled the pictures out, sitting the holder down on the
dresser. I flipped through them, smiling at the pictures of the five of them doing things like
going to amusement parks and dances and just playing around. There were a few with the
boy Jacob Black in them, and I doubted Edward knew it because I ventured to guess if he
did he wouldn’t have kept them. They all looked so young and carefree, but yet in most of
them there was something off about Edward. There was a dullness to his eyes, the spark of
fire and emotion that I was used to seeing in them missing. He was smiling but there was a
sadness about him, a loneliness. Everyone told me that Edward had changed since meeting
me, and seeing that lifelessness in the pictures made me realize that they’d been telling the
truth. It was clear he had been guarded and unhappy.
I came to a picture of Edward alone and froze. It was a full body shot, taken by someone
from the side. I immediately wondered if he had even known they were taking the picture
of him at the time, as he wasn’t paying the camera a bit of attention. He was standing on
the beach, wearing nothing but a pair of swimming trunks, and was gazing out into the
water. He was alone and had a somber expression on his face. The sun was shining
brightly, so bright in the picture that it made his pale skin appear to almost sparkle. It
nearly took my breath away, because he was so devastatingly gorgeous but at the same time
he was clearly broken. It was a beautiful picture, held so much emotion. I’d heard the
expression ‘a picture’s worth a thousand words’ but I never truly understood it until I came
across this picture of Edward on the beach. The picture definitely spoke volumes.
I was so entranced by it that I hadn’t even realized Edward had finished his phone
conversation and was standing behind me until he spoke. “I was so fucking white I almost
blinded people," he said, glancing over my shoulder. I jumped, startled by his proximity,
and turned my head to look at him. He reached his hand out and placed it on my arm,
rubbing lightly. I smiled and turned back to the picture.
“You were stunning,” I said softly. He chuckled.
“I was stunning? Am I not anymore?” he asked playfully. He grabbed my hair with his
hand and brushed it over my shoulder, exposing my neck. He leaned down and placed a
soft kiss on the back of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.
“Of course you still are,” I said, almost breathlessly. “But this really is a beautiful picture.”
He chuckled and pulled away from my neck. “You can have it,” he said, shrugging. I turned
around and stared at him with surprise.
“Really?” I asked. He smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, really. I see that asshole every damn day in the mirror, I don’t need a picture of
him,” he said. I smiled brightly, stunned and overwhelmed. It was a small gesture but it
meant a lot to me for him to give it to me.
“Thank you,” I said enthusiastically. He chuckled and nodded, leaning forward and
pressing his lips to mine softly.
“You’re welcome, tesoro. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a bit of business to attend to.
Ben’s stopping by to get some stuff my dad left out for him. I’ll be right back, okay?” he
said. I nodded and he kissed me briefly again before heading from the room.
I walked over to my room and glanced around, debating. I finally tucked the picture in my
underwear drawer, knowing that was the least likely place Dr. Cullen would ever look. I
wasn’t sure how he’d take me having a half-naked picture of his son and didn’t want to
have to explain it to him.
I went back into Edward’s room and finished flipping through the pictures. I put them back
in their holder and opened the drawer he said they went in, freezing immediately. Sitting
on top of the drawer was a small doll with no face, made out of cornhusk. I only knew that
because they were the only toys I’d ever had growing up, as they can easily be made out of
things just lying around for no money. I dropped the packet of pictures in the drawer and
picked the doll up carefully, not wanting to harm it at all. I wondered immediately why
Edward would have such a thing and knew it had to have some type of meaning for him to
keep it. I was eyeing it intently, checking it out when I heard a throat clear. I glanced up
quickly, my eyes widening when I saw Edward standing in the doorway with an eyebrow
cocked at me. I couldn’t make out his expression so I couldn’t gauge his mood, but he
wasn’t smiling so I ventured to guess he wasn’t entirely pleased. I looked away from him
quickly and sat the doll back down gently, shutting the drawer. I wasn’t sure what to do and
he wasn’t moving, was simply staring at me with that unreadable expression.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have touched your stuff,” I said softly, unable to take his silence. It
was scaring me a bit and I was afraid I’d crossed a line I shouldn’t have. He was quiet for a
moment longer and my nervousness was growing. I started chewing on my bottom lip,
afraid of what his reaction was going to be when he finally did speak. I knew how he was
and it was stupid of me to touch things that belonged to him without his permission, and
clearly he hadn’t permitted me to touch the doll. His hand shot out toward me abruptly
after a moment and it startled me. I flinched back immediately but he didn’t stop. He
brushed his fingertips across my mouth, pulling my bottom lip out from between my teeth.
“You’re going to make yourself bleed if you keep that shit up,” he said softly. I glanced up at
him and saw his expression had softened, his face matching the one he had in the picture
he’d given me. “My mother used to make those dolls for the kids that came to the shelter
when she worked as a rape advocate. All the money they received in donations went
straight to the program itself, but she always felt bad for the children, thought they needed
some personal attention. So she’d make those dolls for the little girls, because they were
cheap and easy. We had enough money that she could’ve fucking just bought every one of
them a toy, but she always thought simple and personal was best.”
I stared at him with surprise, stunned that he was telling me the story of the doll. He gazed
back at me and I smiled after a moment. “I have to agree, simple and personal is best,” I
said softly, unsure of what else to say. He smiled lightly.
“A few months ago I would’ve disagreed with you,” he said, shaking his head.
“And now?” I asked hesitantly, curious as to what he thought. He sighed, shrugging.
“Everything’s different now.”
*****
Volere è potere = Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Chapter 35 Measure of a Man
"To measure the man, measure his heart." -- Audrey Hepburn
I lay across my bed with a pile of papers in front of me, clutching the pencil between my
fingers. I sketched a bit out on the top piece of paper, pausing after a moment and eyeing it.
I sketched a little more, pausing once more, before groaning and snatching the paper up. I
balled it up, aggravated, and tossed it on the floor. I turned my attention to the blank page
now on top, contemplating briefly before once again starting sketching.
I’d been at it for a while now, a few hours if I was being honest, and I’d gotten nowhere. I’d
take a piece of paper and draw something out, almost immediately unhappy with it. I’d
throw a miniature tantrum, mentally berating my uselessness and self-proclaimed lack of
talent, and would discard the drawing without another thought and start over. The floor
was littered with balled up pieces of white paper, and if I had to take a guess I’d say there
were at least two-dozen of them by now. I refused to actually count them though, didn’t
even really want to even look at them for that matter, as I’d only feel bad for wasting so
much paper. Paper was made out of trees, and although there surely wasn’t a lack of trees
in the small town the Cullen’s lived in, I believed they weren’t something that should be
disregarded or taken for granted. Trees lived and breathed, and although they couldn’t
think or feel I felt like they should be cherished. They helped provide us with our oxygen
and gave us shade. And when you grew up as I did, you knew a tree was a thing of mystery,
of beauty. It’s amazing what a tree can endure and still survive, growing stronger and
bigger, not letting the earth’s ills hold it back. Was it silly to think so highly of something
made simply out of wood and leaves? Probably. But I did, and the fact that one was cut
down and destroyed simply so I could waste paper for essentially no reason, as I wasn’t
getting anywhere, made me feel horrible.
I was trying to draw a picture for Edward, because I clearly remembered telling him that I’d
draw him a picture whenever he finally allowed me to clean up his bedroom. He hadn’t said
anything about it so I wasn’t even sure if he remembered that exchange, but I did. I figured
he probably wouldn’t care, but I didn’t like going back on what I’d said because I always
tried to live up to my word. I didn’t have much to offer him, but my honesty and assurance
that I meant what I said was one thing I wanted to always guarantee.
I sketched out another picture, groaning loudly as I eyed it with distaste and balling it up. I
threw it hard, aggravated, and it smacked the wall, falling to the floor with a small thud. I
glanced over at the alarm clock on the stand beside my bed and sighed, noticing it was 2
pm already.
It had been a few weeks since we cleaned up Edward’s bedroom and there seemed to have
been a slight shift in his behavior since that day. He kept his room clean for the most part,
but he occasionally would still toss something on the floor and just leave it there. I’d let it
sit for a day or two, so he didn’t feel like I was judging or hounding him about his habits,
before picking it up and putting it back where it belonged. He’d usually grumble something
about how it was unnecessary for me to return it to it’s rightful place, but he never really
said anything about the fact that I took it upon myself to clean it now. In fact, it seemed like
his room had started slowly morphing into being my room also. I, of course, still kept all
my belongings across the hall because of Dr. Cullen, but Edward insisted we sleep in his
bed every night so my bed really got no use anymore. He told me I could hang out in his
room while he was in school and a few times I did, but something about being in there
without him felt off, so I tended to hang out in my room when he was gone. But even my
room didn’t feel right, it had started to feel almost foreign to me. I realized eventually that
it was likely just the fact that Edward wasn’t there that felt wrong and not the actual rooms
themselves.
Our relationship seemed to shift a bit also since he got upset and yelled when I said it was
pointless to try to save me. I hadn’t realized until then exactly how serious he was
and hadn’t meant to offend him with my words. Edward jokingly referred to it as our ‘first
fight’, but I told him it was simply a moment of heated conflicting emotions. Edward
laughed at me for that, telling me that’s exactly what a fight was, but I figured it shouldn’t
count because I hadn’t verbally disagreed with him, I’d accepted what he said right away.
He said that didn’t matter, that I was too much of a pacifist to actually argue back and
would just concede. It angered me when he said that and I told him so, declaring quite
loudly that he was completely wrong. He immediately sprung into defensive mode as he
usually does, narrowing his eyes as his temper boiled over because, clearly, Edward Cullen
despised being yelled at. He snapped, telling me he was “goddamn right” and threw in a
few Italian words that I ventured to guess were curses, before telling me that I was “blind
as a fucking bat” and declaring that I’d never “fucking yell” at him so he demanded that I
stop yelling at him about it. I just sat there and stared at him with confusion for a moment,
stunned that he’d basically yelled at me to declare that I’d never yell because of the fact that
I yelled, and that we were fighting over whether or not we’d ever fight. It didn’t make any
sense at all.
I was able to contain myself for about 30 seconds after that, before I just started laughing
at the absurdity of it all. My laughter irked him more, as he was completely serious and
determined to be right, and he started spouting off more nonsense that truly made no
sense to me. He kept yelling “fuori di testa”, which he later admitted meant that I was
basically crazy, and was glaring at me like I was a maniac. I should’ve probably been afraid
because of his hostility at the moment but I couldn’t bring myself to fear him. I’d seen his
soul and it was gentle, and I knew he’d never lay a hand on me to cause me physical harm,
so his outward rage seemed to just be for show. He continued to rattle on and I continued
to laugh, which would only make him yell louder, which would only make me laugh harder.
It was a ridiculous cycle that continued on for at least five minutes before he finally slowed
down his rambling enough to ask me what I found so funny.
I explained it to him, that he was basically yelling for no reason because he’d completely
contradicted himself, and he stared at me with a blank look before bursting into laughter. I
laughed along with him, so hard that it brought tears to my eyes. When we both finally
calmed down Edward conceded, admitting he was apparently wrong and asked me if I
thought that counted as our first fight, since I refused to acknowledge the other one. I
smiled and shrugged, conceding along with him. He could call it whatever he wanted,
labeling it wouldn’t change anything that happened.
Those weren’t our only spats over the weeks, as occasionally one of us would say something
to annoy the other, but it was never bad. I was starting to find my voice around Edward,
starting to express my opinion more and speak up when I didn’t like something he did. I
still kept my patience when he had meltdowns, as he always tried to be patient with me—
even if it wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. It was a delicate balance we’d found,
between expressing ourselves to each other and accepting the others’ flaws, but we seemed
to be managing well with it and growing closer emotionally.
I glanced back down at the blank piece of paper in front of me, sighing. I had no idea what
to even draw for him, what he’d want. I considered asking him, bringing it up to him, but
I didn’t want to disappoint him if I couldn’t come through. As it was looking now, there was
no way I’d ever produce anything I considered worthy of him seeing, as everything I
sketched out seemed elementary at best.
I tossed the pencil down after a moment and stood up, glancing around. I sighed and
started gathering up the crumpled up pieces of paper, tossing them in the trashcan. I was
right—two-dozen. After they were all up and thrown away, I headed out of the room and
downstairs.
Today was Friday, December 16th and was Edward’s last day of school before his Christmas
break. I was ecstatic about the idea of him being home every day for the next two weeks,
but I had to admit I was conflicted about the holiday itself. We never were able to truly
celebrate it in Phoenix, but it still saddened me a bit that it would be the first Christmas
without my mother by my side. She always loved it, loved looking at the lights and tree the
Swans would put up every year. She never really commented on it, but it was clear from the
look in her eyes, as she’d sit at the window in the barn we slept in and gaze down at the
house, that she wished she could participate. I knew she wished she was a part of
something, that we both were, and that for just once we weren’t sitting on the outside,
looking in. I knew that feeling well, to always watch but never experience, so the fact that
so far the Cullen’s had been including me made me feel slightly guilty. I was torn between
my guilt for being able to be a part of something my mother always desired, my sadness for
not being with her, and my excitement on finally, for once, being included.
I hadn’t expected it honestly, so a week ago when Alice practically ran into the house,
dragging Jasper along behind her, and declared that it was time to start decorating the
Cullen house for Christmas, I’d been caught off guard. Jasper and Edward had disappeared
somewhere and returned a few moments later carrying boxes full of decorations. The boys
strung lights and garland all over the house, and Alice and I hung up mistletoe and set out
poinsettias. Rosalie and Emmett showed up sometime later with a live Christmas tree and
the boys set it up in the living room by the window. I’d never seen a live Christmas tree
before, as the Swans always used a fake plastic one, and was almost mesmerized by it. It
was large and beautiful and smelled amazing, fresh and piney. They strung up collared
lights on it and we decorated it with a box of ornaments the boys found, and after it was all
put together I was completely enamored with it. That was, until I realized exactly how
messy live Christmas trees were. I’d been cleaning up pine needles all week long, and they
were a pain to deal with.
Dr. Cullen’s presence had also been quite scarce the past few weeks. I wasn’t sure where he
was or what he was doing, but there were a few nights where he didn’t come home until
after the sun had risen, and he only stuck around then long enough to change clothes and
grab something to eat. I didn’t ask any questions, as I didn’t feel like it was my place to
inquire as to how my master spent his free time, but I found it odd that he left me on my
own so much. I knew the boys were around, and I was fully aware that I had the chip in my
back that would ensure he always kept a lock on my location, but it still surprised me. The
boys didn’t seem to be surprised by his absence over the weeks so I wondered if maybe it
happened occasionally, if he’d go through phases where he’d almost disappear from sight
but still be around and able to pop up at any time without warning.
I still cooked dinner every night at 7pm, even though Dr. Cullen wasn’t usually around for
it. I started eating at the table with them at Edward’s request. He wouldn’t force me to, of
course, but he said he’d appreciate it if I’d consider eating with them. I couldn’t turn him
down, not only because he asked so nicely but also because I honestly had no reason not to.
I’d been eating around them long enough now to grow comfortable with it, and they had a
way of making me feel as if I actually belonged there. That’s not to say there weren’t
awkward moments, as the nights Dr. Cullen was home for dinner I found myself having
absolutely no appetite. He barely even spoke to me at the table, and when he did it was
basic pleasantries, but something about his presence made that small part of me that still
felt like nothing but a slave child flare up. I’d occasionally catch him giving me looks that
made me uncomfortable, as he seemed to be watching me intently like he was reading me.
It felt like he was waiting for me to do something, like he were expecting at any moment for
something to happen and for him to catch it. I almost wondered if maybe he did know
about Edward and I, but I imagined if he did he wouldn’t leave the two of us alone without
supervision so much. I couldn’t figure it out and had even brought it up to Edward, but he
shrugged it off and simply said his father got into moods sometimes and it was best to just
ignore it. He even checked to make sure the cameras were still off in the hallways in order
to try to squelch my panic. He’d joke about it, tell me I was being paranoid and that we
were playing it off quite well, but I wasn’t so sure. Something was definitely off and
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it just seemed like Dr. Cullen was hiding something.
Okay, so I knew for a fact Dr. Cullen was hiding something that had to do with me, Edward
and I both had known it since that visit from the men in Chicago, but it seemed to be more
now.
I headed into the kitchen and opened up the fridge, grabbing a soda. I opened it and was
taking a sip when I heard a loud rumbling noise. My brow furrowed and I glanced out the
window to see a large brown truck pull up in front of the house. I stared at it with shock
and saw the letters UPS on the side of it, written in yellow. A man in a brown uniform
opened the door and climbed out, walking to the back of the truck. He stood back there for
a moment before reappearing with a small box in his hand. He headed toward the front
door and I hesitated, walking slowly toward the foyer as he started knocking. I walked to
the front door and paused with my hand on the knob, taking a deep breath as he knocked
again. I pulled the door open cautiously and eyed the man warily. He smiled at me politely
and held a little handheld machine out to me that looked almost like a complex calculator.
“I need you to sign for this,” he said. My eyes widened with shock and I took it from him
cautiously. I glanced down at the screen and saw the blank line. I clutched the little black
pencil-looking pointer and pressed it to the line. I hesitated and glanced up at the man to
see a look of confusion on his face, as he was obviously wondering why I hadn’t just signed
the thing already. I sighed and glanced back down at the screen, slowly starting to spell out
my name. I was immediately grateful that I’d been spending more time with Alice the past
few weeks and had been imitating her cursive handwriting, as I thought she wrote
beautifully. I signed my name the best I could and looked up, handing it out to the man. He
smiled lightly at me, taking it back. He held the box out to me and I took it carefully,
surprised by how lightweight it was. It almost felt like it was empty.
“Have a good day,” the man said politely. I nodded, smiling.

“You too, sir,” I mumbled, turning and walking back into the house. I shut the door quickly
and glanced down at the box, squinting to read the small print. I saw Edward’s name and
smiled, realizing it was for him. I headed up the steps immediately, going straight for
Edward’s room. I turned the knob and walked in, glancing around. I sat the box down on
his desk and picked a few things up from the floor that he’d tossed there over the past day
or so, returning them to their rightful place. I left the room and went back downstairs,
freezing halfway down the steps to the foyer when the front door opened. My eyes widened
with surprise when I heard Dr. Cullen’s voice filtering inside. He stepped into the foyer,
closing the door behind him. He had his phone to his ear and was talking to someone,
sounding quite irritated, his voice sharp. He shrugged his coat off, draping it over his arm,
and glanced up the stairs. His eyes fell upon me and his gaze lingered there, fixated on my
form. I stayed frozen, a bit unsure of what to do as he wasn’t moving, was just staring. He
said goodbye to whomever he was talking to and pressed a button on his phone, ending the
call.
“Can you go up to my office? I’ll be there in a moment,” he said. He asked it as a question,

but he didn’t wait for a response from me so I knew it wasn’t negotiable. He looked away
from me and started scrolling through his phone, pushing a button and bringing it back up
to his ear. I hesitated on the stairs, feeling a bit anxious, worried about what he wanted to
see me for. Whomever he was calling must’ve picked up right away because Dr. Cullen
started speaking immediately.
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m about to do it now, so I can meet you there in about an hour or so,” he
said quickly, walking through the foyer. I heard the lock on the door under the stairs jingle
and the door open, Dr. Cullen going inside and shutting the door behind him. I took a step
back nervously before turning and slowly making my way back up the stairs. I walked over
to Dr. Cullen’s office and slipped inside, sitting down carefully in a chair across from his
desk. The room was completely silent, all except for the ticking of the clock on the wall
behind me, and it was grating on my nerves and making me even more anxious. It seemed
like forever, sitting there in the silence, before I heard footsteps on the stairs. They neared
the office and my heart started beating erratically, unsure of why I was here or what he
wanted from me. He’d never called me into his office before so I had no idea what it could
be about.
The door opened behind me and I held my breath instinctively, tensing up. Dr. Cullen
walked in and closed it behind him, sighing quite loudly. I expected him to walk around
and take a seat at his desk but instead he came and stood right in front of me. My eyes
widened and I glanced up at him, my fear growing because of his proximity. I hadn’t done
anything wrong that I could think of, nothing to be punished for. My brow furrowed when I
saw he had a large cotton swab in his hand, a pair of latex gloves, and a small clear plastic
container.
He sat the container down on his desk and started putting the gloves on, watching me
intensely. He opened the swab, discarding the paper it came wrapped in, and crouched
down in front of me. His knees cracked as he did so, the sound making me wince, but
he didn’t seem to notice. I watched him warily and he smiled politely, but there was
something off about his expression. It wasn’t viciousness, nor was it happiness. There was a
hint of worry present, maybe a bit of aggravation, but it was mostly sadness, which
surprised me. I stared at him with confusion, wondering what had him looking that way.
“Open your mouth,” he ordered quietly. I obliged immediately, slightly nervous and
confused as to what he was doing but I knew there was no way I could question him about
it. He put the cotton swab in my mouth and ran it along the inside of my cheek. I stayed
frozen, completely still as he did it, not wanting to mess up whatever he was doing. He
pulled the cotton swab out and sighed, standing up. He opened the container with one
hand and sat the swab inside of it. He put the lid back on the container and walked over to
his trashcan, pulling the gloves off of his hands and throwing them away. I let my mouth
drift closed, watching him curiously. He sighed after a moment and walked back over,
standing in front of me. He leaned up against his desk and crossed his arms over his chest,
gazing at me. I glanced up at him and made eye contact, wondering why he was looking at
me the way he was and what he was thinking. His eyes were narrowed slightly and he had
that look once again, like he was trying to read me.
He opened his mouth to speak after a moment but shut it quickly, still looking at me. My
brow furrowed and I stared at him with confusion. He sighed and opened his mouth again.
“You don’t look…” he started, but was cut off abruptly by his phone ringing. He groaned
and shook his head. “You’re excused,” he said with annoyance, grabbing the phone from his
pocket. I sat still for a moment, curious as to what he was going to say, but he gave me a
pointed look, obviously wondering why I was still just sitting there, so I stood up.
“Yes, sir,” I mumbled, heading out of his office. I paused out in the hallway, unsure of what
to do, but decided to go downstairs and wait on the boys to get home from school. I went
straight for the living room, sitting down on the couch. I glanced around and grabbed the
remote, turning the TV on. I turned the volume down to a low level, not wanting it to
aggravate Dr. Cullen if he heard it, and sat quietly for a few minutes. After awhile I heard
car doors outside and smiled involuntarily, glancing up at the clock and realizing school
was out. The front door opened and I heard all three boys’ voices immediately, as they were
laughing and chatting animatedly. They headed for the living room and I glanced up, my
eyes falling upon Edward. He smiled lightly at me and winked, walking over and plopping
down in a chair across the room. He would’ve seen his father’s car outside so he was being
cautious, trying not to raise any suspicion by being too close to me. Jasper glanced over at
me and smiled, nodding in greeting before sitting down on the other end of the couch.
Emmett walked over, grinning, and plopped down beside me, so close his body nearly
landed on top of me. He flung his arm over my shoulder, wrapping it around me and
pulling me to him.
“What’s up kitten?” he asked playfully. “Ya miss me while I was at school?” I smiled,
shrugging, and Edward shot him an annoyed look. Emmett started laughing, shaking his
head.
“I think your boyfriends jealous,” Emmett said, leaning over and pretending to whisper but
his voice was loud enough to carry over to Edward. Edward narrowed his eyes at him, not
looking very happy, but the annoyance only seemed to make Emmett happier.
I heard footsteps on the stairs after a moment and went to pull away from Emmett,
knowing Dr. Cullen was coming and knowing he probably shouldn’t see. Emmett gave me a
confused look, obviously wondering what I was doing, and held onto me tighter, refusing to
let me go. I stared at him with shock and froze as Dr. Cullen headed into the living room
where we were. He glanced at his son with his arm around me and his brow furrowed with
confusion briefly. He stared at me for a moment before fixating his attention on Emmett.
Emmett simply grinned wider and Dr. Cullen rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
“Don’t let Rosalie see you doing that,” he said. “You’ll start a war and I’d hate to have to
step in.”
Emmett laughed, amused. “You’d step in? Whose side would you take?” he asked curiously.
Dr. Cullen raised an eyebrow at him and paused, seemingly contemplating the question. I
tensed up, quite positive I knew the answer but not entirely sure I could handle taking
verbal confirmation right now. I glanced around and saw Edward and Jasper looked just as
tense as me, alternating between glaring at Emmett and eyeing Dr. Cullen warily.
“I didn’t say anything about taking sides, I simply said I’d step in. I have a policy of staying
neutral,” Dr. Cullen said finally. I relaxed slightly at his evasive answer, glad I wouldn’t
have to listen to him declaring how I meant nothing to him, even though I already felt that
way. Hearing it spoken and knowing it in your mind are two different things.
“Like Switzerland,” I said immediately, remembering hearing that Switzerland had a policy
of always staying neutral while watching TV one day with Jasper. I had no idea why it came
to me at that moment, or why I even said it out loud, but I did. Four pairs of eyes snapped
to me immediately, confused and stunned expressions on their face. I glanced around,
growing nervous to be the center of attention, and sighed. “Jeopardy,” I mumbled, trying to
explain but being too nervous to really verbalize anything. They all started laughing and I
smiled.
“Yes, like Switzerland,” Dr. Cullen said, shaking his head and smiling, an amused
“Copout,” Emmett mumbled, sounding almost disappointed that his father wouldn’t
choose sides between Rosalie and I. Dr. Cullen laughed at his response, shrugging. “Okay,
then, you may be neutral but I know damn well you gamble. So let’s say you were gambling
on it… which one would you put your money on?”
Dr. Cullen sighed and I tensed up again. “Are you seriously asking me who I think would
win in a fight, Rosalie or Isabella?”
Emmett nodded. “Yeah, I guess I fucking am,” he said, laughing to himself. I heard Edward
groan across the room and glanced over to see an irritated look on his face, his shoulders
tense. He wasn’t any happier about this conversation than me.
Dr. Cullen shrugged. “Well on one hand, Rosalie can be quite harsh and protective, and is
quite good at the cheap shots. I’m sure James can attest to that, with the blow to his
privates. But on the other hand, Isabella has a knack for survival and perseverance; you
can’t keep her down for long. She’s not helpless either, as James can also attest to. He has a
pretty decent scar on his face from where Isabella pistol-whipped him, which I have to say
he’s not very happy about.” He paused and laughed briefly, shaking his head. “Rosalie’s
used to usually having others to help her with her messes, but Isabella’s used to always
trudging through it alone. One-on-one, I have to say Isabella would take her easily,” he
said. My eyes widened with shock and I stared at him, stunned he’d say that. “But don’t tell
Rosalie I said that or I swear, I’ll make you suffer boy.”
Emmett laughed. “Shit, I wouldn’t tell Rose that if my life depended on it. She’d
kick my ass to try to prove a point.”
“Yeah, she would,” Dr. Cullen said laughing. “She could probably take you too. Actually, I
know Isabella could. Isabella could probably kick all of our asses,” he said playfully,
glancing at me.
I felt my cheeks reddening from embarrassment as they all looked at me. “Uh, I don’t know
about that, sir,” I said, slightly stunned about the entire conversation.
“Don’t underestimate yourself, child,” he said after a moment, gazing at me intently. “I

don’t.”
My brow furrowed in confusion and I stared at him, unsure of what he meant. He didn’t
underestimate me? I couldn’t tell by his expression if it was even a good thing or a bad
thing, as his facial expression was quite blank. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room
as Dr. Cullen stared at me, once again as if he were reading me. I felt a bit of panic boiling
up and started fidgeting a bit, uncomfortable.
Dr. Cullen cleared his throat after a moment and looked away from me finally, glancing
down at the floor. “I’ve got some stuff to do, I probably won’t be home until tomorrow
evening. You all have a good night,” he mumbled, turning and heading out of the room. An
awkward silence lingered in his wake, and we all sat frozen as the front door opened and
closed, Dr. Cullen leaving. I heard the car start up in the driveway and Edward sighed.
“Well, that was just fucking weird,” he said. I glanced over at him and saw him run his
hand through his hair, a puzzled look on his face. He glanced over at me, eyeing me for a
moment before turning to Emmett. “And get your goddamn arm off of my girlfriend before
I fucking break it.”
Emmett laughed, pulling his arm from around me. He leaned over in my direction, smiling.
“Told you he was jealous,” he fake-whispered. I smiled and heard Edward groan.
“Whatever. And what the fuck is wrong with you, asking him some shit like that? Who
would win in a goddamn fight? What kind of question is that?” Edward spat, sounding
quite irritated. He stood up and walked over to the couch, his expression one of intense
annoyance. He paused in front of me and held his hand out to me, cocking an eyebrow. I
smiled lightly and reached out, placing my hand in his. He returned my smile and pulled
me up off of the couch, keeping his hand in mine and linking our fingers together.
“Eh, it was a damn good question, that’s what it was. And why the fuck are you so mad
about it? I’m the one that should be pissed. He picked your girl and not mine,” Emmett
said, poking his lip out in a pout. I giggled and Edward rolled his eyes.
“Whatever, get over it,” Edward mumbled. I glanced at him and he smiled at me. “Anyway,
we’re going upstairs. You fucknuts are on your own for dinner.”
He turned and started heading out of the room, pulling me along by the hand. I started
laughing and glanced over at the couch. Jasper was smiling at us, looking quite pleased as
he usually did. Jasper had confessed to me during one of our ‘learning’ sessions that it
makes him ecstatic to see his brother acting so carefree, like the 17-year old he truly is. He
said he’d been worrying about him for a few years, worried he’d lose him abruptly as soon
as he hit 18 and could go out and join their fathers world, so it was a relief to see him
opening himself up again. I gave Jasper a smile in return and glanced over at Emmett, who
still had the ridiculous pout on his face. I laughed some more and shook my head as
Edward pulled me into the foyer. He headed for the stairs and paused, turning to look at
me. I glanced at him with confusion, unsure of why we were just standing there. He
smirked and shook his head after a moment, turning back to the stairs and starting up
them.
We went straight for Edward’s room as we usually did when he got home from school. He
let go of my hand and stepped inside the room, pausing and running a hand through his
hair. I stepped in and closed the door behind me, a little unsure of why he was just standing
there, but the moment the door clicked shut he swung around and came right for me. My
eyes widened with surprise and I backed up instinctively. I pressed myself up against the
door and he pressed his body against mine, running his nose along my jaw line. He leaned
down and started kissing my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I reached my hand out
and ran my fingers through his hair, leaning my head back and letting a soft moan escape
from my lips. It felt so good when he kissed my body, which he’d taken a liking to doing
often, but he wasn’t usually so forceful about it. I didn’t mind it, but it was just a little
surprising. Our physical relationship hadn’t really developed any more, as I’d been too shy
still to try to further things and it seemed like he was waiting on a sign from me before he
did anything more. He had touched me a few times since that first encounter, each time
keeping my underwear on and only touching me on the outside. I was getting more
comfortable with it, not as shy or embarrassed about letting him see my body, and thought
about the idea of letting him maybe try more but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I was
completely out of my element, as this was where Edward held all the experience, so it was a
bit intimidating that he was making me lead. I understood though, as he was trying to be
polite and not push me beyond my limits, and I completely appreciated it but at the same
time it made me feel bad. I was neglecting him, ignoring his needs and desires--I knew
that. He was giving and I was taking, but never giving in return. And I wanted to, my God
how I wanted to make him feel good like he made me feel good; it was just a matter of
getting the words to come from my lips so he’d know. I almost brought it up a few times,
but each time the words seem to get caught in my throat and the moment would pass by
quickly.
“Oh my Bella,” he whispered, his voice husky as he pressed me against the door. I felt his
tongue flick out and run along my jaw line, up toward my ear. He took my earlobe between
his lips briefly before running his tongue along it. He blew lightly along my ear and I
shivered, my entire body breaking out into goose bumps. I gripped onto his hair tightly, a
loud moan involuntarily escaping my throat. He groaned in response, his lips attacking my
neck again. My breathing was growing shaky, my heart pounding frantically in my chest.
“Mi sei mancata,” he murmured against my neck.
“What’s… uh… what’s that mean,” I sputtered out breathlessly. He moaned, continuing to
kiss around my neck.
“I missed you,” he mumbled, finally pulling his lips away and glancing at me. I smiled
widely.
“It was only a few hours,” I said. He smiled and shrugged.
“Every hour without you is an hour too long,” he said. My smile grew and I felt the blush
creeping up into my face. He chuckled and leaned forward pressing his lips to mine. I
closed my eyes and kissed him back, parting my lips and feeling his warm sweet tongue
against mine. I moaned into his mouth and he chuckled before deepening the kiss even
more, the movement of his lips growing frenzied. I wrapped my arms around him tightly,
my entire body growing warm, the electricity from his touch coursing through me. I still
always got the physical buzz from Edward when we touched and it always did the most
startling things to my body, making me crave more of him.
I felt the desire for him to touch me running the length of me, settling strongly between my
legs. I stood up on my tiptoes to reach him better, because I was so much shorter than him
and I didn’t want him to hurt his back having to hunch over. I couldn’t keep it up for more
than a few moments though, as I was so utterly clumsy and nearly lost my balance. Edward
grabbed me to stabilize when I almost lost my footing, laughing against my lips at my lack
of balance. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, not wanting him to break the kiss,
and he reached down quickly and grabbed my thighs. I was confused for a moment, unsure
of what he was doing, until he pulled my legs up. I realized his intention after a moment,
which stunned me a bit as he’d never done it before, but I wrapped my legs around his
waist as he pressed me harder up against the door. I started squirming a bit and Edward
groaned against my lips. I gasped loudly into his mouth when he pressed his body up
against mine tighter and I felt something hard rubbing up the spot that was throbbing for
his touch. I was wearing a pair of thin yoga pants, so there wasn’t much fabric covering that
area. A tremor rocked my body as I felt the spark of pleasure and Edward pulled back from
me, his brow furrowing slightly as he eyed me with concern. I just stared at him, stunned,
breathing erratically. He started to pull away from me, and set me down on my feet,
obviously confused by my reaction, but I clung to him tightly and shook my head no
frantically. I didn’t want him to stop, not yet. His brow furrowed even more and he looked
at me questioningly. I squirmed my hips a bit, my body yearning for the pleasure, and I
grazed against the spot again, gasping. I realized it was his belt buckle the same time it
seemed to dawn on him what happened, why I was reacting the way I was. He smirked his
gorgeous charming smile, which only deepened my craving for him, and pressed me back
against the door.
“Ti tira la fregna?” he mumbled, pressing his lips to mine. He bucked his hips, hitting that
spot between my legs hard, causing pleasure to skyrocket through me. I cried out, the
sound muffled by his lips. I had no idea what he was saying and couldn’t seem to gather up
the strength to honestly care, as my body was overpowering my curiosity. He continued to
kiss me, and thrust his hips forward, rubbing that spot between my legs. I felt the tension
mounting quickly, my legs trembling. I held onto him tightly and kissed him back
frantically, squirming my hips a bit in rhythm with him grazing my sensitive spot. He
pulled back from my mouth after a moment and I opened my eyes to see him starting at me
intently, his expression stunning me. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were almost on
fire, sparking with pure desire. The look on his face sent me over the edge and he bucked
his hips, hitting that spot hard, and I screamed as my body exploded in pleasure. My
muscles tensed up and I threw my head backwards, slamming it into the door. I squeezed
my eyes shut and continued to cry out and he kept up his movements, pushing me further
into the spiral of bliss but he made no move to muffle my noises as he usually did. He
slowed his movement after a moment when I started settling down and I kept my eyes
closed, trying to catch my breath. My entire body was tingling, that place between my legs
throbbing sensitively. He shifted my body a bit after a moment, pulling me away from his
belt, I assume knowing I’d be sensitive for a moment. He didn’t put me down though, as I
kept my legs wrapped around him and continued to cling to him, trying to catch my breath.
I was afraid I’d fall if he tried to set me on my feet, as my legs felt like jelly. He pulled us
both off the door after a second and walked us over to the bed, laying me down on my back.
I kept a hold of him and he didn’t try to pull away, instead capturing my lips in a sweet kiss.
I squirmed a bit, my body still buzzing, and I gasped, my eyes widening in shock when I felt
the bulge in Edward’s pants. I’d barely grazed against it but I could tell it was large and
hard, as it was evident he was aroused. My heart started racing again and I shifted my hips,
pressing myself against it again. Edward groaned loudly and pulled back some, but I
grabbed a hold of him to stop him. I did it once more, grazing against him, and he groaned,
sounding exasperated.
“God, do you know what you’re doing to me Bella,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. I
froze and tensed up slightly, unsure if that was good or bad. He was breathing heavily and
appeared slightly tense, like he was fighting to maintain control of himself. I was worried
he was getting angry or upset about what I was doing, or if it were something I wasn’t
supposed to do.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. His brow furrowed and he looked at me with confusion,
evidently not understanding my apology. “I, uh… I mean, I didn’t mean, you know… I
just…” I rambled. He sighed and smiled lightly, bringing his pointer finger up and pressing
it against my lips to silence me.
“You don’t have to explain yourself, tesoro,” he said softly, his voice warm. I returned his
smile, slightly embarrassed and felt myself blushing. He laughed lightly, shaking his head.
“You surprised me a bit there, trying to have sex with me with our clothes on,” he said
playfully. My eyes widened in shock at his words and he laughed.
“I, uh… it felt good, I couldn’t help myself,” I said, blushing. He smirked.
“I’m glad it felt good, angelo,” he whispered, leaning down and kissing me softly. “I aim to
please.”
His words were genuine, his tone soft. He stared at me for a moment, the desire still
burning in his eyes, his love for me clear as day. He shifted around a bit and I briefly caught
a glance of him quickly touching himself down below. My brow furrowed and I glanced at
him.
“Are you okay?” I asked, a bit worried. He smiled sheepishly.
“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just, men aren’t as easily, uh, placated,” he said, sounding a bit
nervous. My brow furrowed because I had no idea what placated meant and I didn’t
understand what he’d be nervous about.
“Placated?” I asked hesitantly.
“Calmed. We, uh, you know… we get into it, you know, and you know how males grow so
usually the only way for it to stop is… you know…” he said, sounding completely flustered. I
just stared at him with confusion, not understanding.
“No, I don’t know,” I said after a moment. “I think that might be the problem.”
He groaned, pulling away from me. I unwrapped my legs finally and let him sit up. “Christ,
why the fuck am I rambling like some goddamn bumbling idiot that’s never had pussy
before?” he snapped, sounding aggravated. I stared at him with shock and he glanced at
me, shaking his head.
“Why don’t you just say it? You’re not supposed to be shy about… this stuff,” I suggested,
confused as to what he was getting at. I sat up beside him, shifting to the side a bit to give
him some room.
He sighed. “I don’t just say it because I’m trying to be fucking sensitive here for your sake,
Isabella,” he said with irritation, looking away from me. I rolled my eyes, knowing he
wouldn’t see but a bit annoyed by him trying to shield me from stuff.
“Well don’t be. Maybe if you’d speak up, I’d finally understand,” I said, sharper than I
meant to sound. His head snapped in my direction at my raised voice.
“You want me to just say it?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. I hesitated but nodded,
as I felt like I should know what was going on with him. “My dick’s hard. It grows when I
get aroused. The shit doesn’t go away until I get off,” he said simply. My eyes widened with
surprise.
“It grows even bigger?” I asked, stunned. He looked at me with confusion and nodded.
“How big does it get?” I asked hesitantly, wondering if the nine inches was the final
measurement.
He stared at me for a moment before he started laughing hysterically. He shook his head,
amused. “Are you seriously asking me how big my dick is, baby?” he asked, his tone back to
being playful, as his irritation seemed to dissipate. I blushed and nodded, realizing that’s
exactly what I was asking him.
“I mean, Rosalie said…” I started, before I realized what I was saying. His eyes narrowed
slightly when I said her name and my eyes widened.
“What the fuck did Rosalie say?” he asked sharply. I froze, remembering I ensured Rosalie
that I wouldn’t tell anything that was said in the bedroom between her and I.
“Uh, I mean, nothing really…” I started. He cocked at eyebrow at me the moment the words
came from my lips, obviously not going to accept my evasiveness. I sighed and paused,
bringing my bottom lip into my mouth and chewing on it nervously. I didn’t want it to get
back to Rosalie that I’d gone against my word. He stared at me for a moment before sighing
and running his hand through his hair.
“Just tell me okay? I won’t say shit to her, she won’t know you said anything,” he said
quietly. I stared at him for a moment before nodding.
“She just sorta said you were… uh… big,” I said, feeling the blush creep into my cheeks
immediately. His eyes widened slightly and I averted my gaze away, slightly embarrassed.
“She told you I had a big dick?” he asked after a moment, the amusement clear in his voice.
I glanced at him and saw the corner of his lips fighting to turn up into a smirk but he was
holding it back. I nodded hesitantly and he stared at me, amused. “Why in the hell was
Rosalie Hale talking about my dick?”
I shrugged, still blushing. “I, uh, asked her,” I said quietly. His brow furrowed with
confusion.
“You asked Rosalie how big my dick was?” he asked, wanting clarification. I sighed, biting
my lip.
“I mean, I asked her how big they were in general and she mentioned that the girls at
school talked about you being bigger than most guys,” I rattled off nervously. He sighed.
“And did you ask her anything else about sex?” he asked. I shrugged again, averting my
eyes from his. He was staring at me intently and it was making it hard to talk about the
subject.
“Just if it, uh, would hurt,” I said. He was quiet for a moment before reaching out and
cupping my chin, pulling my face up to look at him.
“It’ll probably hurt a bit, tesoro,” he said softly, his expression completely serious. “When--
or I guess if--it happens, I promise I’m going to be as gentle as I can be, because you know
I’ll never fucking hurt you on purpose. And you can talk to me about that shit, you don’t
have to turn to Rosalie Hale.”
I nodded. “I know. I just… I don’t know what I’m doing, and that’s embarrassing because
you do, and I don’t want to let you down…” I mumbled. He groaned, shaking his head and
cutting me off.
“You’re not going to let me down, I don’t expect anything from you. I’ve told you that.
We’re learning together here. Yeah, I can fuck a girl silly Isabella, but this shit we’re doing,
that shit we just did against the door? That’s new to me. I don’t know what the hell I’m
doing any more than you do,” he said, staring at me intently.
I sighed. “But you do, because you know what pleases you and I don’t. I don’t know how to
make you feel good at all, I don’t even know how to touch you,” I said. He stared at me for a
moment before a small smile came upon his lips.
“And you don’t think I’ll show you? Because I assure you I will, that shit’s no problem,” he
said. He paused, his smirk growing. “And yeah, it’s big. Anytime you wanna see it, learn
firsthand, you just let me know,” he said playfully before chuckling. My eyes widened and I
stared at him, feeling my lips curve into a smile. He glanced at me and gave me a confused
look.
“Really?” I asked, trying to contain the excitement I felt bubbling up inside of me. His brow
furrowed with confusion and my smile grew. “You’ll really… show me?”
He stared at me with shock for a moment, raising his eyebrows. “You’re serious?” he asked.
I nodded enthusiastically, smiling, and he chuckled at my reaction. He ran his hand
through his hair, laughing and shaking his head, obviously stunned but at least somewhat
amused. I was chewing on my lip and staring at him, trying to contain my enthusiasm. I
couldn’t deny there was a bubbling brewing in the pit of my stomach, a slight panic and
nervousness over taking things further. My heartbeat shifted and was pounding harder
from a mixture of fear and anticipation.
“And do you want to do this now?” he asked after a moment, raising his eyebrows
expectantly. I hesitated for a split second before nodding once again. He blinked a few
times, stunned, and ran his hand through his hair nervously again. It was a pattern with
Edward, I’d realized. He sat quietly for a moment and appeared to be thinking, gazing at
me. I was growing anxious because of his silence, wondering what was going on in his
mind, if maybe I’d made a mistake. He smiled after a moment though, the curve of his lips
immediately alleviating some of my panic. I returned his smile and he scooted slightly
closer to me, leaning in and capturing my lips in a kiss. I let my eyes drift closed and parted
my lips as his tongue snaked out and into my mouth. He kissed me deeply and pushed me
backwards onto my back. I lay on the bed and he shifted his body over to lie beside me,
slightly hovering overtop of my body but keeping his weight off of me. He kissed me
passionately and I kissed him back with all I had, relaxing into the bed. My nervousness
was subsiding a bit and I brought my hands up, wrapping them around him and fingering
the bronze locks on the back of his neck. After a moment he reached a hand up and pulled
one of my hands out of his hair, gripping it lightly and pulling it down between us. I gasped
and my eyes snapped open when he took my hand and pressed it against the bulge in his
pants on the outside of his clothes. I could easily feel the hardness of it through his jeans,
could feel the warmth. He felt me tense up slightly and pulled from my lips, opening his
eyes.
“Are you sure about this? You don’t have to,” he said softly.
“I’m sure,” I said quickly. “I’m just… a little nervous.” He smiled and leaned forward,
kissing me softly and sweetly, a gentle innocent kiss.
“Relax, tesoro. It’s just me, just us,” he murmured against my mouth. “You can stop at any
time.”
“Okay,” I whispered. He pulled back from me briefly to gaze in my eyes. He was keeping a
relatively calm expression on his face, but his eyes were practically screaming with hidden
emotions. There was wonder and amazement, amusement and excitement, happiness and
love, and even a bit of fear and apprehension. And the only reason I knew he was feeling
those things were because they were the same exact emotions surging through me at that
moment. I recognized myself in him, which was so startling that it wiped the panic from me
almost completely. This beautiful creature, despite all of his past experience, was just as
overwhelmed about what we were doing as I was. I smiled lightly after a moment and
leaned in to kiss him again. I let my eyes drift closed and he deepened the kiss, taking my
hand and slowly starting to move it in a circular motion over the bulge in his pants. He kept
it up for a minute or so, and I realize he was probably only doing it for my benefit, trying to
work me up to actually touching it. It was so stunning how considerate and understanding
he was, especially when it came to things that seemed so natural and nonchalant to him.
Edward had proven to me that he could be a patient man, despite his temper.
After a moment he removed his hand from on top of mine but I continued to rub that area
for a moment. He pulled my hand away after a few second and removed his lips from mine.
I opened my eyes as he sat up and started undoing his pants. The clanging his belt buckle
made as he undid it made my heart rate spike, my anxiety and anticipation increasing. He
stood up briefly and let his pants drop, leaving him in his black boxers. He kicked his pants
off quickly, discarding them on the floor and sat back down on the bed. I propped myself
up on my elbows and he turned his head to glance at me, a small smile on his lips. He lay
back down beside me, on his side so he was facing me, and I gazed into his eyes. He stared
at me for a moment intensely, like he was seeking some answer, and reached over and ran
his pointer finger across my lips softly.
“So beautiful,” he mumbled. “Tanto gentile e tanto onesta pare la donna mia.” I smiled as
the Italian rolled from his lips and he reached over, grabbing my hand once more. He was
eyeing me cautiously, his movements slow and deliberate, giving me time to back out and
change my mind. But I had no intention of backing out—my mind was made up. I wanted
to touch him, I wanted to feel him. I wanted to make him feel as good as he made me feel.
He placed my hand on top of it, over his boxers. I gasped when I felt it through the flimsy
material, felt its hardness and size. I started moving my hand lightly, still gazing into his
eyes, and he smirked. He allowed me to caress it lightly over his boxers for a moment
before his hand shifted away from mine. I pulled my hand back quickly as he pulled the
front of his boxers down. I continued to stare into his eyes, my hand in mid-air, fighting
with everything I had not to look down immediately. I knew he pulled it out, I could tell by
the look on his face, the way his eyes were practically dancing with excitement. I could see
from my peripheral that his arm was moving, his shoulder shifting, and realized that he
was touching himself. He wasn’t pushing me to do anything, wasn’t forcing me to do
anything. He was simply watching me cautiously, watching for any sign of distress. I smiled
at that fact and his smirk grew, that twinkle in his eyes growing more prominent. I brought
my bottom lip into my mouth, chewing it nervously out of habit, and silently counted to ten
while still keeping eye contact with him. It was just Edward, it was just us. He was my safe
spot, my one warm and happy spark in my life of turmoil.
When I reached ten, I finally broke eye contact and glanced down. I froze, my eyes
widening with pure shock when they met his manhood. It stood prominent, erect and
utterly shocking. His hand was wrapped around it tightly, stroking up and down the length
of it slowly. It was definitely large and I knew immediately that none of them had been
exaggerating about his size, if anything they were underestimating it. I glanced back up
into his face briefly, stunned, and he simply smiled smugly. I glanced back down at it and
felt the corner of my lips turn up.
Edward Cullen was definitely not shy about his male parts--that was for sure.
I hesitated, unsure of what to do, but brought my hand out slowly after a moment. I grazed
my fingertips across the top if it, immediately feeling a slight wetness at the tip, and
Edward hissed. I paused my fingers and glanced at him quickly, seeing his eyes were
closed. He opened them after a second and looked at me, smiling mischievously. I felt the
blush overcoming my face as he gazed at me and averted my eyes away from him, looking
back down at his manhood. I touched the top of it again, gathering up some of the liquid on
my fingertips, and slowly let them drift down the length of it. Edward removed his hand
from around it, bringing it up and lightly rubbing my arm. I glanced back up at him to see
his eyes drift closed once again. His erection stood up on it’s own, obviously needing no
help, and I watched in surprise as it twitched. I hesitated for a second before starting to
move my hand again, exploring it with my fingers. Edward laid still, keeping his eyes closed
and lightly rubbing my arm, and I realized he was being patient and allowing me time to
acquaint myself with it. I merely touched every inch of it with my fingertips, feeling the
warmth of the skin and the hardness of it, getting used to the length and girth. I expected to
honestly be freaked out about it but I oddly wasn’t. I was more mesmerized about it than
anything, seeing this part of Edward that I’d never before seen, him lying there completely
exposed to me with no hint of anxiety about it.
After a moment I wrapped my hand around it, feeling it in my palm. Edward groaned
lightly and the hand that was rubbing my arm came down. He place his hand on top of
mine, gripping it firmly, and started slowly stroking it up and down along the length of it.
My hand was trembling lightly underneath his, not from fear but nerves, and I wondered if
he could feel it. I wondered if he could sense my anxiety. I glanced up into his face,
expecting to find his eyes still closed, but instead I met the green immediately and was
locked in by the intensity in them. He was stroking our hands along the length of him,
gripping him tightly. I could feel his warmth, could feel the blood rushing under the surface
as it throbbed a bit in my hand. Edward’s breathing was shaky and he licked his lips,
staring at me, before leaning over and pressing his mouth to mine. I parted my lips and he
kissed me deeply, his tongue immediately starting to mingle with mine in frenzied motion.
My heart rate was increasing, my breathing erratic as he kissed me passionately, stroking
my hand along his manhood firmly. The feeling of his lips against mine, and his thickness
in my palm, caused goose bumps to spring up all over my body, a chill shooting down my
spine and settling in my core. I was getting aroused feeling his arousal, desire coursing
through me strongly. He let out a throaty groan after a moment and started stroking our
hands faster, gripping even tighter. I could feel it pulsating slightly, feel it swelling even
more in my palm.
“Così scopare buon,” he mumbled breathlessly with his lips still lightly against mine. His
voice gritty with lust. “Fuck, your hand feels amazing, tesoro.”
I smiled involuntarily, a shiver ripping through me upon his words. The fact that I was
making Edward feel good did crazy things to my own body, and I could feel the wetness
seeping from me down below. He groaned, pulling his lips from mine and rolling slightly
over onto his back. He kept up the pace of our hands and freed his other hand from
between us. I glanced up into his face and saw he was watching me, his expression intense.
He reached his free hand out and lightly grazed it over my clothed breasts, squeezing them
gently. He ran it down my stomach, still eyeing me, before his fingers came to rest at the
top of my pants. He hesitated for a moment before pulling my shirt up slightly and slipping
his free hand down the front of my pants. I gasped loudly, stunned as his fingers grazed
over my sensitive spot. “Christ you’re so wet, baby,” he rasped. I moaned at the sound of his
voice, the feel of his fingertips as they pressed against me, sending jolts of pleasure thru
me. I started squirming and moving my hips, causing his fingers to rub against me, sending
tremors through my body. “That’s it, love, I need you to feel good too.”
I moaned and closed my eyes as Edward increased the pace of our hands on his manhood.
His breathing was growing even more erratic, throaty noises escaping his lips. I was
moaning and grinding myself against his hand, pleasure rocking through me. I felt the
pressure building inside of me almost instantly, my muscles tensing up as my legs started
trembling. I bit my bottom lip and threw my head back as the pleasure spiked. My body
exploded and shook, and I cried out, my entire body almost growing paralyzed from it. I
gripped onto Edward tighter and he groaned loudly, moving our hands even faster. He
started making startling noises, loud grunts and groans and started spewing off random
words breathlessly, most of it Italian with a few ‘fuck’s thrown in. My eyes opened as my
orgasm dissipated and I glanced over at Edward, my breathing shallow and my entire body
still trembling. He had his eyes closed tightly, his teeth gritted, and the expression on his
face one of almost unbearable pleasure. His nose scrunched up after a second, as his body
grew rigid, his manhood pulsating and throbbing in my palm. His back arched slightly and
he thrusted his hips a few times before a loud grunt, almost a growl escaped his throat. I
glanced down as I felt his manhood swelling in my palm, my eyes widening with shock and
a loud gasp escaping me when he pulsated and white liquid came shooting out. He
continued to cry out that growl as he stroked our hands a few more times, the white
substance coming out and hitting our hands. It was sticky, almost gooey and a bit thick. He
was still pulsating but the swelling was going down and he slowed our hands, stroking a
few more times slowly before stopping. He loosened his grip but didn’t remove his hand,
still holding my hand to it as it started deflating somewhat before my eyes. I watched it
with amazement, completely stunned by what just happened.
“Fuck,” Edward rasped after a moment. I glanced up into his face just as his eyes opened.
He was breathing heavily, a look of pure relaxation on his face. He glanced over and made
eye contact with me, and the green in his eyes was so bright and intense that it made me
smile brightly. He smiled in return and removed his hand from around mine, groaning and
wiping his hand off on his shirt. I let go of him finally, glancing down and noticing it no
longer stood erect and had definitely shrunk. He finally pulled his hand from down the
front of my pants, grazing my spot as he did and making me cry out because it was
sensitive and throbbing. He smirked, a light chuckle escaping his lips. He reached down
and tucked himself in his boxers, groaning a bit while doing it. He rolled over onto his side
to look at me and smiled brilliantly, looking extremely pleased with himself.
“Was that, uh… you know… okay?” I asked hesitantly. He started laughing, the sound
happy and carefree.
“Okay doesn’t cover that. That was like the four of July, goddamn fireworks,” he said
enthusiastically. My brow furrowed slightly with confusion and I laughed.
“What?” I asked. He simply smiled and shook his head.
“It was fucking spectacular,” he said. “Thank you. It was okay for you, right? I didn’t
fucking push you too far, did I?” he asked quickly, his tone changing immediately from
happiness to almost panic.
“No, it was fine. It was, uh, really surprising but in a great way,” I said, unsure of how to
describe it. He smiled and nodded.
“Good. And I really need to take a fucking shower because I’m goddamn sticky now but I’m
entirely too lazy for that right now. I don’t think I can move,” he mumbled.
I smiled. “I know what you mean. And I’m kinda sticky too,” I said, holding my hand out.
He chuckled.
“Well, then, we can be lazy and stay sticky together,” he said, reaching over and wrapping
his arms around me. He pulled me to him quickly and I laughed as he rolled us around on
the bed, shifting our bodies until we were on the pillows. He squeezed me to him tightly,
his love for me so evident in his behavior that it was like I could physically feel it. It was like
I was floating in air from the euphoria coursing through me.
We lay for a moment quietly, just enjoying being in each other’s arms, before Edward got
up and went to use the bathroom. He came back out and went to climb back into bed but
paused, glancing over at his desk.
“Where’d the box come from?” he asked with confusion. My brow furrowed momentarily,
unsure of what he was talking about, before I remembered the man coming to the house
with the package.
“Some man in a brown truck with the letters UPS written on it dropped it off today,” I said.
“It has your name on it, I signed for it.”
He glanced over at me with surprise. “You signed for it?” he asked. I looked at him and
nodded, unsure of what was so weird about that. He smiled brightly. “You’re getting
fucking good at this literacy shit baby, before long you can start writing me love poems and
shit,” he said playfully. I started laughing and he chuckled along with me, climbing back
into bed. Edward was definitely in a good mood now, his happiness plain as day. “I’m glad
it came today, I was worried the shit wasn’t going to arrive until after Christmas and then I
wouldn’t have a goddamn present for you.”
My eyes widened with shock and I stared at him, stunned by his words. “A present, for
me?” I asked hesitantly. His brow furrowed and he nodded.
“Yeah, what’s so fucking weird about that? You didn’t think I’d actually not buy you
something, did you?” he asked. I blinked a few times, stunned and unsure of how to answer
that.
“Uh, I mean, I guess I just didn’t expect a present,” I said. He sighed.
“Well, expect it because you’re getting it. You’ll get more than one actually, because I’m
pretty fucking sure everyone else bought you something too,” he said. I stared at him with
shock, completely overwhelmed.
“But I, uh, I can’t get you a present,” I mumbled. He smiled lightly.
“You just gave me my present Isabella. And I didn’t even have to unwrap it. Best goddamn
present ever,” he said, his tone completely serious. He looked at me pointedly, obviously
expecting me to acknowledge what he said. I sighed and nodded. He pulled me back to
him, wrapping his arms around me tightly again.
“I still wish I could buy you something,” I said softly.
“I don’t need anything but you,” he murmured back at once. “But we’ll have plenty more
Christmas’s for you to spoil me fucking rotten if you want, once we figure this shit out.”
I smiled to myself, feeling that hope swell through me that I always felt now when Edward
talked of us having a real future together, one where we didn’t have to hide or pretend. One
where we were truly equals without these complications.
“Do you guys have big Christmas’s?” I asked curiously. Edward sighed.
“Not really. We don’t have much family around, so it’s usually just us. My Aunt Esme’s
coming for a few days this year, I think. She’s my dad’s sister and she’s a pretty chill
person, you’ll like her. She’ll treat you kindly. Other than her and her husband, who you
know is Jane’s brother, we don’t really have many relatives. My grandfather is dead and we
don’t see my grandmother,” he said, a slight sadness to his voice. I realized family was a
touchy subject for him.
“Why don’t you see your grandmother?” I asked. He sighed again.
“She’s in a nursing home in Chicago, has dementia or something like that. I don’t know
really, maybe it’s Alzheimer’s. Anyway, the point is, her memory’s slipping and she’s not
acting like herself, and my dad doesn’t want us around her because of some of the shit she
says. He still visits her all the time, pretty much every time he goes to Chicago, but we
never go. She apparently never approved of my mother, wanted my father to marry a
‘forbidden fruit’ as she calls it,” he said.
“What’s a forbidden fruit?” I asked. He laughed lightly.
“Forbidden fruit is mob slang for a sweet pure-bred Italian girl,” he said. “Evidently my
grandma had high hopes my dad would nab one, but instead he went for the Irish redhead.
The Irish and the Italians never really got along in Chicago, so turns out that was like a slap
in the face to her. She kept her mouth shut over the years, but apparently now that she’s
gotten older she expresses her distaste for my mother in some very ugly terms.”
“Oh,” I said simply, a little stunned and completely saddened by that fact. I didn’t blame
Dr. Cullen from keeping the boys away from her, as it was evident their mother was a
touchy subject. “What about your mom’s family?”
He was quiet for a moment and I wondered if maybe I’d asked the wrong question, if I was
making him mad, but he spoke finally in a quiet voice. “She doesn’t have any. She’s not a
natural born citizen; she was apparently born in Ireland and immigrated here. She
eventually did get citizenship through marrying my father but the family she came with
apparently died a long time ago, and we don’t know any of the family in Ireland.”
I nodded, as that made sense. “Have you ever thought about finding them?”
“No,” he said quietly. “I figured they never came looking for my mother, never wondered
what the fuck happened to her, so why the fuck should I care about them? I dunno if my
Dad knows of any of them, he doesn’t talk about it and my mom never mentioned the shit.
Hell I didn’t even know she was goddamn born in Ireland until after she was dead and I
found a stack of papers in my father’s office, citizenship record and birth certificate and
shit. I asked him about it and he told me she immigrated here, her parents died and she
had no one else and that was that.”
I nodded. We were both quiet for a bit, lost in thought. I was thinking about Edward’s
mother, how she essentially had no one but her husband and how devoted to her family she
must’ve been. I thought about how I could relate to her, really having no family myself.
“I used to always dream about having a big family,” I said softly after a bit. “When I was
younger I had a bunch of imaginary friends. My mom used to laugh, she said from the
moment I could talk and walk I was having conversations with imaginary people, and I’d
tell her they were my brothers or sisters, or that they were my children. She thought it was
charming, would always tell me that when I grew up I could have a real big family. It was
sweet of her. She didn’t want to crush me with the truth.”
Edward pulled me closer to him, holding me tighter. He buried his face in my hair and
inhaled. We were quiet for a bit and despite it being early and the sun still being up, I was
exhausted. I let my eyes drift closed and was almost asleep when I heard Edward’s voice, so
quiet it was almost inaudible.
“We can have a big family.”
*****
Mi sei mancata = I missed you
Ti tira la fregna? = Are you excited (aroused)
Tanto gentile e tanto onesta pare la donna mia. = "So kind and so honest my lady
appears to be" (line from Dante Alighieri's La Vita Nuova)
Così scopare buon= So fucking good
Chapter 36 Center of Your Being
"I want you to be everything that's you, deep at the center of your being." --
Confucius
Christmas.
I can’t lie; I used to hate the shit. When I was a kid I was into it because mom would make
it special, baking Christmas cookies for like an entire week and telling stories about Santa
and shit. We were always all together as a family, watching Rudolph and Frosty and It’s A
Wonderful Life. She’d constantly hum Christmas songs and practically fucking beg me to
play them on the piano for her, and it was my mom so of course I wouldn’t fucking say no
even though deep down I despised most Christmas music. It was always the time of year I
looked forward to most. But after she died, I lost all interest in the holiday. I guess I
basically lost all interest in most things in life, but Christmas especially.
The first Christmas after she died, Dad was nowhere to be found so not only were we
without her, but we were also without him. We went from always having them both, to
suddenly having neither one. Mom had only been dead for like two months and we barely
saw him at all during that time. In fact, we barely saw him at all for that entire first year
after she died. He changed drastically during that time, almost to the point of being
unrecognizable. It was a few years before he actually started coming back around as a
father, until he finally started treating us like his family again. I’d venture to guess he was
so distant during that time because of his guilt and shame over what happened, the guilt he
still carries with him. We stayed in Chicago long enough for me to recover from my bullet
wound and for Mom to be buried, and then Aunt Esme packed us three boys up in a car
and drove across country to this house in Washington. We were so young we didn’t really
fucking understand it, we were still grieving and confused about what had
happened, couldn’t understand where Dad was. Esme stayed with us that first year and
Dad showed up maybe once a month, but he was so cold and distant that it was like
he wasn’t really fucking there. He would barely even look at me when he visited, and at the
time I figured it was because he fucking blamed me… Hell, I blamed me. But after all these
years I realize it wasn’t because he believed I did anything wrong, but it was because I
looked so goddamn much like her. That’s hard for some people to take, the ones that really
knew my mother. They say it stuns them exactly how much I look like her, so I imagine it
was hard as hell for Dad to be around me when he was grieving. He finally showed up one
day, a few days after the first anniversary of her death, and just stayed that time. Esme
hung around for a few weeks, I guess to ensure that dad wasn’t going to get up in the
middle of the night and fucking walk out on us. We already had Nona by the time, as
during one of his visits he’d brought her and practically just fucking dropped her off before
leaving again. We never had slaves in Chicago so it was quite the goddamn shock to us kids,
but Esme helped her settle in and helped us accustom ourselves to her presence. She told
us to always treat her fairly and when she was certain that Dad was stable enough for her to
leave, she jetted back to Chicago.
I think my father’s absence that year really affected Jasper, because that was about the time
his personality changed. He got real fucking sensitive and emotional and that hadn’t been
like him before. Jasper as a kid was tough, fierce… he was a little warrior back then. But he
took mom’s death hard, it softened him, and I know he’s fucking afraid of losing Dad too. I
myself wasn’t much fazed by his absence, because I was already fucking gone myself. I was
like a zombie that year, wouldn’t talk to anybody or even do anything. Esme would try her
hardest to get me to talk or laugh, would try to get me to play the piano but I just sat there
and stared into fucking space, ignoring her completely. I loved Esme but she wasn’t my
fucking mother, so I didn’t want to hear her stupid ass jokes or play the goddamn piano for
her. My mother was gone and I just didn’t give a shit about anything anymore if she wasn’t
there.
Esme tried to make that first Christmas special, trying to give us boys some happiness in
our dismal life, but it turned into a total fucking disaster. Jasper had a break down and
cried like a goddamn baby and Emmett threw a fucking tantrum and screamed, because he
got pissed off after mom died and Dad bailed, and I just sat there ignoring all of them and
not giving a shit. Esme cried, because we were all just so fucked up and there was nothing
she could do about it. Esme wanted to fix us, fix it all, and she realized that day that
she couldn’t.
Subsequent Christmas’s went slightly better. Dad was around and insisted we put on a
show and pretend to be happy and enjoy ourselves, because that’s what mom would want.
Yeah, he used fucking Mom’s memory to manipulate us and we let him, because he was just
as goddamn broken as the rest of us.
I started coming around eventually, but I was never the same. Once I started talking again,
I started pissing people off with my mouth. Once I started doing things again, I started
hurting people with my actions. I was intentionally an asshole and there was nothing
anyone could’ve done to change it… or so I thought, until Isabella walked in my life.
Over time my brothers grew to enjoy Christmas again and I think Alice and Rosalie deserve
all the fucking credit for it. They added spark back to their lives, a light in the middle of the
darkness we’d become trapped in. I feel so fucking stupid for not realizing earlier that they
were all in love—it should’ve been clear as day to me since I spent so much time with them,
considering they were the only ones who overlooked my asshole tendencies and didn’t take
the shit personal. But then again, I didn’t even really recognize what love was anymore by
that point so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised I couldn’t see it.
Esme visited most years, once or twice dragging her husband along, but she usually just
came on her own. She always came for my father because she didn’t want him to have to be
alone during the holidays, because they were really hard for him. I think Esme was the one
that pulled him through the darkness. She’s the older sibling and doesn’t take nonsense
from her baby brother—she wouldn’t let him be completely consumed and overshadowed
by the night.
As for me, despite the fact that I’d put on a smile and pretend to be fucking happy for all of
their sakes, I hated Christmas. Christmas made me think about sugar cookies and jingle
bells, and goddamn Santa Claus and reindeer, and that was shit I didn’t like to think about
because it reminded me of my mother, reminded me that she wasn’t here.
This year, though… this year was different. But then again what wasn’t fucking different
now?
Christmas was two days away, or the day before Christmas Eve for those that can’t fucking
read a calendar properly and figure that shit out. If you asked Alice, she’d probably call it
Christmas Eve’s Eve, which is really fucking stupid but whatever. You get the point--it’s
coming up fast. For the past few days I’d been sitting back and watching Isabella get into
the holiday, her eyes sparkling, her face lighting up like a kid in a goddamn toy store. You’d
think she found the fucking Holy Grail or hit the lottery for millions with the way she’s
been acting. I’ve never seen such enthusiasm for Christmas bullshit since… well, since my
mother.
And that conflicted me, because a part of me just wanted to fucking forget it all, push it all
aside and go back into my hole, but then there was that bigger part of me that couldn’t help
but be happy because she was happy. It was strange how wrapped around her my emotions
were. When my girl was sad, I was sad. When my girl was happy, I was fucking thrilled.
Christ, I was becoming co-dependant or something and it was really fucking with my head,
especially now. I hated goddamn Christmas, but now I couldn’t fucking wait for it.
I’d finally found my light in the darkness… but I was desperately afraid that light was on a
timer, and I never knew when it would go out.
My Aunt Esme would be arriving from the airport tomorrow and every minute that ticked
by seemed to increase my anxiety on the situation. My aunt was an amazing woman and I
knew damn well she’d love Isabella, so I didn’t worry about her mistreating her at all or
anything like that. Esme was always welcoming, and was kind and compassionate and
loving by nature. She was a nurturer, always wanting to take care of people, and
would’ve made a fantastic mother if she hadn’t lost her ability when cancer forced her to
have a hysterectomy when she was younger. I used to ask her why she didn’t just adopt, not
grasping the concept that her husband at the time was a suspected hitman and no fucking
agency would approve them for adoption because of the rumors. Dad told her she could
simply buy a baby on the black market, which fucking stunned me because I was young
then and still slightly naïve about the slave trade, but Esme refused to go that route.
So, yeah, I’m not worried about Esme per say. What I am worried about, however, is how
Isabella was going to act with my aunt here. She was so fucking happy right now,
practically glowing, and I didn’t want all of that going down the drain when Esme showed
up. I realized this was Isabella’s first real Christmas and I wanted to make it as special for
her as I could, given the situation, and didn’t want it to get ruined by her instinctively
slipping into that slave mentality she still occasionally goes to. I know she can’t really help
it, it’s been ingrained in her since birth practically, but I hate that shit and she knows that. I
hate when she gets virtually robotic and is on autopilot. I love seeing the life in her, the
spark and the enthusiasm. I wanted to see that shit this Christmas, because I’ve been
missing it for a lot of fucking years and it was the only reason I wasn’t dreading this holiday
as much as the others.
I glanced over at my clock, seeing it was a few minutes past 6am. I’d been awake for at least
an hour, unable to shut my damn mind off and go back to sleep. Isabella was curled up
beside me in a ball, wrapped up in the comforter, looking completely fucking content. She’d
really been making herself at home in my room lately, partly from my insistence, but I was
glad she seemed so comfortable here. I loved sharing my space with her, loved always
having her right there beside me. If I could fucking get away with it I’d probably start
moving her shit over here, but I knew that would be pushing it too far. My Dad didn’t come
in my room for the most part, but knowing my goddamn luck he’d need something and
spot a fucking pink shirt hanging in my closet and either figure us out or start to worry
about me cross dressing.
To be honest, he was probably fucking suspicious one way or the other as it was, but
I didn’t need to add any more fuel to the fire. I know Isabella’s been a bit worried that he
knew about us, but there was still that part of me that figured there’s no fucking way he
could, or else he would’ve definitely said something. But still, he had to know something
was off, even if he wasn’t usually here. It was a goddamn miracle if someone hadn’t blabbed
to him about that kiss back on Halloween, as Lauren’s big goddamn mouth had that shit
spread through town so fast that the foreign lady that barely spoke English at the dry
cleaning place knew within a week. And even still, he had to know I’d stopped messing
around with all of those girls from school. Besides that day Tanya showed up at the house
to drop off my schoolbooks I’d left hastily in Trig class, none of those bitches had been by
the house. He used to comment on how it seemed like I had a fucking revolving door when
it came to the girls around Forks, so the fact that not a single one of them had been around
had to pique his curiosity.
Regardless, he hadn’t said shit about it, so I was slightly relieved and hoping that even if he
did know, he wasn’t going to snap. But there was no way I was telling Isabella my
suspicions, because she had her own and I didn’t want to go almost confirming shit for her.
She was paranoid enough as it was and I didn’t want her to get scared and revert back to an
old version of herself, because the Isabella Swan I’d grown used to having around the past
few weeks was fucking incredible.
She was witty and playful and flirty, so fucking naïve and sweet. She had an amazing sense
of humor and was so intelligent naturally that it was almost startling. Like that incident last
week when she randomly blurted out about Switzerland being a neutral country… what
goddamn 16 year old would retain that fact and pull it out later at the appropriate time? I’d
been watching Jeopardy constantly for years now because of Jasper and I can’t remember
shit from it, but she seems to soak up every goddamn piece of information dispelled in each
episode. She was always randomly saying shit she learned on Jeopardy. She was stunning
and I couldn’t help but wonder what her fucking IQ was, because I’d venture to guess she
might be bordering on being a goddamn genius with how her brain worked. Isabella Swan
was a fucking puzzle, an enigma, and I was having the time of my damn life trying to figure
her out.
And God, she’s so fucking beautiful. I’ve thought that since the day I laid eyes on her in the
kitchen, when I spilled my orange juice, but my admiration for her physically was growing.
I don’t think she’s realized it, but she’s changed a lot looks-wise since she’s come to be with
us. The essence of her is still there but she glows now, her skin is fucking radiant. Her eyes
sparkle, her smile’s bright, and her hair practically shines. It’s all naturally beauty, and it’s
the shit all those girls at Forks High work their asses off to try to achieve, but my
girl doesn’t have to work for it. She’s not as frail as she once was either, doesn’t look weak
or frightened. She’s strong and you can tell just by looking at her now that she’s a fighter.
She’s starting to gain a few pounds finally, just filling out a bit, and looking damn healthy.
And her body, Jesus Christ I can’t seem to get enough of that body. I still haven’t gotten her
underwear off of her but I’m working up to that, because I swear looking at her completely
nude sprawled out on my bed is going to be like standing in the middle of the goddamn
Sistine Chapel and gazing at the magnificent paintings by Michelangelo. Yeah, I learned
that shit from my girl, who learned it from goddamn Jeopardy. All these years of formal
education and the barely literate uneducated girl who was raised in a fucking barn blows
me away with knowledge. She’s fucking amazing, have I mentioned that?
I’m not saying Isabella’s flawless, because she isn’t. She pushes my goddamn buttons
sometimes but I know I push hers too so I guess maybe we balance each other out that way.
We don’t disagree much but when we do it’s usually over stupid shit that doesn’t even
matter. Like that goddamn fight about fighting. Who the hell fights over whether or not you
fight? Evidently we do. But we got a good laugh out of it anyway, so maybe it was worth it.
We pretty much always end up laughing after bickering.
Isabella started mumbling in her sleep, most of it incoherent. “It’s just a bunny, Edward,”
she murmured softly after a moment. My brow furrowed, as I had no fucking clue what she
was talking about. “It didn’t hurt me.” That caught me off guard and I glanced over at her
in just enough time to see her roll over toward me abruptly. She flailed her arm out, nearly
smacking me in the head with her hand. I moved away quickly so she wouldn’t accidentally
fucking punch me in the face, but in my haste I failed to goddamn realized that I was
already right on the edge of the bed. My top half went off the side and I tried to grab the
table to catch myself, but I accidentally hit the alarm clock instead, smacking it and causing
it to crash to the floor. I cried out as I tumbled out of bed, falling onto my back. I hit the
floor with a loud thump and groaned as the pain shot down my spine. My legs dropped to
the floor and I closed my eyes, wincing. I heard the bed squeak quietly, the sheets and
comforter ruffling.
“Edward?” Her voice was soft and hesitant, and really fucking close. I peeked my eyes open
to see her leaning over the edge of the bed, looking at me with confusion. “Why are you on
the floor?”
I just stared at her for a moment, containing my laughter at her expression. She looked
completely baffled and was staring at me intensely, like she could fucking figure the answer
out if she stared at me hard enough. I sighed and reached up quickly, grabbing a hold of
her arms. Her eyes widened with shock and she gripped onto the comforter tightly as I
pulled on her, yanking her off of the bed toward me. She yelped with surprise and tried to
cling to the bed but it was fruitless. She landed on top of me along with the comforter and I
grunted, crying out loudly and trying to move when her leg slammed into my dick hard.
She gasped, realizing what happened, and tried to get off of me but I wrapped my arms
around her tightly to stop her.
“I didn’t really think that shit through,” I said through gritted teeth. My dick was throbbing
a bit from the blow and I squirmed my hips around, trying to reposition our bodies so
she wasn’t fucking on it.
“I didn’t mean to hit your… thing,” she whispered. I chuckled at the innocence in her voice
and squeezed her in a hug, loving her fucking body heat against me.
“What thing would that be?” I asked playfully. She lifted her head up to look at me, looking
a bit caught off guard by my question. I watched as her cheeks flushed and her bottom lip
was captured between her teeth.
“You know, your… uh… penis,” she said, so quietly I almost didn’t catch the word. Her
voice was breathy and I groaned when I felt myself hardening underneath her.
“Christ, Bella, only you could make a term like ‘penis’ sound fucking hot,” I said, shifting
around. Her eyes widened slightly and a smile curved her lips. “And if you must know, I’m
on the floor because you basically knocked me out of the damn bed trying to punch me.”
Her smile fell immediately. “I did what?” she asked, sounding shocked.
I sighed. “You said something about a goddamn bunny and then nearly punched me in the
head. I fell on the floor trying to get away,” I said. She gasped, her eyes growing even wider,
obviously stunned and embarrassed by her behavior.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry!” she rattled off quickly. “I swear I didn’t…” I removed my arm from
around her quickly, bringing my hand up and covering her mouth with it before she could
say anything more. She mumbled against my palm for a second before quieting.
“Stop apologizing. You were asleep,” I said seriously, not wanting her to feel like she had to
fucking ask me to forgive her for something she didn’t intend to do, something she had no
control over. “It was an accident. I really want to know what the fuck you were dreaming
about, though.”
Her blush deepened. “There was a bunny out back, you were yelling at it because it stole my
carrot.”
I stared at her with shock for a moment before laughing. “I was yelling at a rabbit?” She
smiled and shrugged.
“You were mad, because you gave me the carrot and didn’t appreciate him taking it,” she
said softly. I laughed some more, realizing I probably would’ve fucking yelled at a bunny if
it stole something I gave my girl.
“You have strange dreams,” I said. She shrugged.

“They aren’t usually that weird. They make sense most of the time,” she said. I sighed and
squeezed her back to me tightly. She laid her head on my chest and we just cuddled on the
floor quietly for a moment.
“Do you dream about me a lot?” I asked. She sighed softly.
“Of course I do,” she mumbled, snuggling into me further. I smiled lightly, leaning down
and kissing the top of her head.
We were silent for a bit, just holding each other. My back was starting to hurt from lying on
the hard ass floor with her weight on me. She wasn’t moving and I couldn’t see her face, as
it was buried into my fucking chest, so I couldn’t tell if she were even still awake.
“Bella?” I said softly finally, unable to take it anymore. She lifted her head up to look at me
immediately. I smiled lightly, removing my arm from around her and stroking her cheek
with the back of my hand. “Just wanted to see if you were still awake.”
She smiled. “I’m not really that tired,” she mumbled. I nodded.
“You wanna do something with me today?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly.

Her brow furrowed and she stared at me for a moment, contemplating.
“Depends on what it is,” she said finally. I smirked, proud of her answer. She was always so
agreeable in the past, automatically fucking saying yes when you asked her something
because she felt there was no other option. She was starting to think for herself more with
me, expressing her opinion.
“Well, unfortunately I have to confess that I’m a lazy fucker, which means I still haven’t got
any of those shitheads down stairs any Christmas presents, so I need to go do that,” I said. I
usually shop for everything online, because I fucking hate malls, but I didn’t this year
because I wanted to take Isabella with me. She never got to do the mundane shit like shop,
and I figured she’d enjoy it. I planned on going a lot earlier, which I why I bought her
present online, but of course I fucking procrastinated like usual. I guess my slacking off
wasn’t that big of a deal though, because I needed to pick up my dad’s present anyway and
the shit wouldn’t be in until now.
Her smile grew. “You want me to go with you Christmas shopping?” she asked, her eyes
lighting up with excitement. I chuckled and nodded.
“Yeah. I mean, if you want to,” I said. She nodded excitedly and pushed herself off of me,
jumping up to her feet. She stared at me, smirking expectantly, and I laughed because the
goddamn sun hadn’t even risen yet and she wanted to get ready and leave.
I pushed myself up and climbed to my feet, stretching my back. It cracked and I groaned,
shaking my head. “Okay, beautiful, go get dressed and we’ll head out,” I said, running a
hand through my hair. She nodded enthusiastically and turned, practically fucking
skipping out of the room. I laughed and shook my head, walking over and pulling some
clothes out. I stripped and pulled on a pair of jeans, grabbing a plain navy blue t-shirt and
throwing it on. I slipped on a pair of white and navy blue air force one Nike’s and grabbed
my Navy Sean John coat. I hesitated but grabbed my white Chicago Cubs ball cap with the
navy blue lettering, because the shit fucking matched my outfit and my hair was getting
completely out of control. I threw it on my head and grabbed my wallet, keys, phone, and
IPod, heading out of the room. I walked across the hall and opened Isabella’s bedroom
door, not even bothering to knock. She glanced over at me and I smirked, seeing she was
standing there in nothing but a pair of tight jeans and a lacy black bra.
“Hmmm,” I mumbled, letting my eyes linger downward on her body. She blushed and
pulled a shirt out of her closet, throwing it on quickly. She smiled sheepishly and pulled a
lightweight coat out. “You don’t have anything heavier? I know you come from the desert
and all baby but it’s cold as shit out there, and I mean nipples cutting glass fucking cold.”
She smiled but shook her head no. “I don’t actually have a big coat. Your father said he’d
get Alice to get me one a few weeks ago but I suppose he forgot.”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. Sounded like my goddamn father lately—completely distracted. I

held my pointer finger up, silently telling her to wait, and walked back across the hall to my
room. I glanced in my closet and pulled out my black Christian Dior hooded parka, figuring
it would fit her good enough. I walked back to her room and smiled when I saw she was still
standing in the same spot, waiting patiently. I held the coat out to her and she took it
gingerly, putting it on. It was a bit big, of course, so I rolled the sleeves up a bit for her. She
smiled lightly, glancing down at it.
“This is a really nice coat,” she said softly, looking almost afraid to be wearing it. I smiled
and nodded. It was a damn near $2,000 coat but there was no fucking way I was going to
tell her that or she’d definitely take it right back off and refuse to wear it in fear of fucking it
up.
“It’s just a coat, Isabella,” I said nonchalantly, shrugging. She looked at me for a moment
but nodded, thankfully not going to argue over something as stupid as a goddamn coat. She
slipped on a pair of plain black Sketchers and I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Alice bought you
Sketchers?” I asked, as I’d never actually seen her wear straight up sneakers before. She
glanced down at her feet, squinting her eyes to read the tiny word on the side of them. I
smiled, as it was so fucking cute how she scrunched her nose up in concentration.
“I guess so, if that’s what these are,” she said finally, glancing back up at me. “Is there
something wrong with them?”
I shrugged, as I fucking hated Sketchers and thought they were ugly as hell, but once again
I wasn’t going to tell her that. She couldn’t help that’s what Alice bought her and I ventured
to guess a shoe was a fucking shoe to her. She didn’t give a shit what brand it was or what it
looked like, especially considering she never really had shoes until she came here.
“They’re okay,” I said. “I prefer Nike’s.”
She nodded, glancing down at my feet. “Well, Alice didn’t buy me Nike’s,” she said matter-
of-factly. My eyes widened slightly at her snarkiness and she smiled sheepishly.
“Alice didn’t but I can,” I said pointedly. She just stared at me for a moment before rolling
her eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with my shoes. They do what they’re meant to do,” she said. I
shrugged but didn’t argue, knowing it wouldn’t get us anywhere. I’d let her feel like it didn’t
matter, because that’s who she was, and I’d buy her some goddamn Nike’s, because that’s
who I was, and we’d both be fucking happy when she accepted them, because that’s just
who we goddamn were together.
“You ready?” I asked. She nodded and I reached out, grabbing her hand and linking our
fingers together. We headed for the door and she flicked the light switch off quickly as we
left. We walked down the stairs quietly, as it was still so early and I didn’t want to wake my
brothers up. We were walking down the second flight of stairs toward the foyer when I
heard a cabinet bang in the kitchen. I froze, as did Isabella, and my heart started pounding.
I pulled my hand from hers quickly when I spotted my father’s form step into the doorway,
toward the foyer. He glanced up the steps and froze as his gaze fixated on us. The goddamn
panic started surging through me and I swallowed, trying to fight that shit back. He said he
wouldn’t be home until tomorrow when Esme arrived so he was the last person I ever
expected to run into downstairs.
His gaze was penetrating as he glanced between Isabella and I. “You kids are up early,” he
said nonchalantly finally. I breathed a sigh of relief that his tone at least wasn’t showing
any anger.
“You’re home early,” I said. He smiled lightly, nodding.

“I figured I’d come home and take a nap instead of wasting money on a hotel room. I’ve got
some business in Port Angeles a little later,” he said. I nodded, staring at him, unsure of
what to do. He was watching me curiously, obviously wondering what the fuck Isabella and
I were doing.
Isabella cleared her throat after a moment of awkward fucking silence. “Good morning, Dr.
Cullen. I hope you sleep well.”
He smiled. “Good morning to you too. And thank you. Are you two going somewhere?” he
asked, raising his eyebrows. I sighed, resigned, and started down the last few steps into the
foyer.
“Christmas shopping,” I mumbled. “I need to fucking get it done and figured she’d like to
go since she’s never fucking done anything before.”
Isabella headed down into the foyer and stepped off to the side. I glanced at her and
noticed her expression was blank, but I could see the apprehension in her eyes.
“Oh, well that’s nice of you son,” he said. “I assume since you’re up so early you’re going to
Seattle?” he asked, raising his eyebrows again. I nodded hesitantly, realizing I should’ve
fucking asked him if I could take her that far. Port Angeles he wouldn’t have said shit about
but Seattle was a hell of a lot bigger and further away. I wasn’t sure how much he trusted
Isabella yet, if he’d want her around so many damn people where she could easily escape. I
knew she wouldn’t, I fucking trusted her and knew she wouldn’t try to slip away, but I
wasn’t sure if he did.
He nodded in response to my nod, glancing over at Isabella. His eyes widened, a look of
shock on his face. My brow furrowed as I glanced over at her, wondering what had him so
surprised, when I remembered she was wearing my goddamn coat. And not just any coat,
the most expensive article of clothing I ever bought. He bitched me out for paying so much
for a coat at the time when he saw the charge on his credit card bill.
“I completely forgot the child needed a coat. Get her one while you two are out, will you?”
he asked, glancing back at me. I nodded hesitantly and he smiled. “Just don’t pay as much
for hers as you did for that one.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, it was completely fucking worth every penny.” He laughed and
glanced back over at Isabella.
“If you say so, Edward,” he said, shaking his head. “But yeah, go ahead and get her
anything else she needs while you’re out.”
I nodded. “I will.”
“Good. You guys be careful,” he said, yawning. He walked over toward us and patted me on
the back briefly before starting up the stairs. I stood frozen for a moment, slightly stunned
that he hadn’t had anything bad to say. I expected him to at least be fucking annoyed that I
had attempted to take her out without consulting him, but he wasn’t. I turned after a
second and headed for the front door when my fathers voice stopped me.
“Edward?” he said. I groaned softly, turning and cocking an eyebrow at him, wondering if
I’d fucking gotten off to easy and the yelling was coming now. He was standing toward the
top of the stairs, his gaze fixated on Isabella.
“Yeah, dad?” I asked, hoping he wasn’t changing his fucking mind. Last thing I wanted was
for her to be crushed by him going on a fucking power trip and saying she had to stay
home.
“Let her pick out some presents for your brothers and Rose and Alice from her. You can
pull some cash from the account for her or put it on the Amex, it doesn’t matter,” he said. I
stared at him for a moment, stunned that he’d fucking do that since he’d never given any of
the help money before at Christmas so they could buy presents. He glanced over at me
expectantly so I nodded finally. He smiled and turned, heading the rest of the way up the
stairs, disappearing onto the second floor. I stared at the spot he had been standing, my
brow furrowed in confusion. I jumped when I felt Isabella’s hand on my arm, surprised
because I’d been in such a trance. I turned my head to look at her and noticed she appeared
just as baffled as me.
She looked like she was about to say something so I stood patiently, waiting for her
question. I figured she’d probably want to fucking know what all of that was about, why he
was giving her money to shop with, but I didn’t have the goddamn answer to that one. She
opened her mouth finally, her brow furrowed and eyes squinted slightly in concentration,
and rattled off the last fucking thing I expected her to ask right then.
“Exactly how much did you pay for this coat, Edward?”
I started laughing, shaking my head. “I suppose I don’t recall the exact price tag, Bella,” I
said, smirking. She rolled her eyes but smiled.
“Okay,” she mumbled. “I don’t suppose you could explain exactly why he’s being so
generous to me, could you?”
I sighed, shrugging. “Your guess is as good as mine. I told you, he’s got fucking secrets and
shit.” My father was definitely keeping major secrets, secrets I fucking wanted to know
because they dealt with my girl, but I had no idea how to find them out without completely
giving myself away. I wasn’t even sure how to approach the subject because I didn’t have
the slightest clue what they pertained or how serious they were.
“Okay. But maybe we should leave before he changes his mind,” she said. I smiled lightly
and nodded, turning and opening the door. She walked out onto the porch, shivering the
moment the air hit her. It was goddamn cold out, well below freezing. I walked out behind
her, closing the door. We headed toward my car and I unlocked the door for her, helping
her in. I shut the passenger door and jogged around, slipping into the drivers seat. My
goddamn teeth were chattering, my fingertips already fucking frozen. I pulled the key out
and started the car up, blasting the heat immediately.
“Geez, it’s cold,” Isabella said, her teeth chattering. I glanced over at her and smiled.
“I told you, your fucking nipples could cut the glass,” I said. She rolled her eyes and I
laughed. “I’m serious. Unzip the coat and pull your shirt up and let me see,” I said playfully,
reaching over and squeezing her left breast through the coat. She looked over at me wide-
eyed and reached her hand out, smacking my arm hard. I pulled my hand away from her tit
quickly, rubbing my arm where she hit me, and laughing. “Christ, you didn’t have to hit
me tesoro, I was just checking. You know, research purposes and shit.”
She started laughing, shaking her head. I was fucking glad she had loosened up sexually
enough with me that I could joke with her, because that was just how I was. I had a
goddamn dirty mind, I couldn’t help it. I chuckled and reached into my pocket, pulling out
the IPod. I plugged it in and started scrolling through the music while we waited for the
windows to defrost. I gave up after a moment, turning to Isabella. “Can you work one of
these?” I asked, nodding toward the IPod. She looked at me with shock and I smiled. “Just
push these buttons until you hit a song you like, okay? I’m not that fucking picky, I like
everything on it since it is mine and all.”
She nodded hesitantly and I put the car in gear, since I could see out of the windshield now.
I pulled out of the driveway and hit the main road, gunning it because it was a long fucking
drive to Seattle.
We chatted nonchalantly during the ride and she flipped through the music, occasionally
settling on a song. I realized she had pretty eclectic taste and she seemed to like pretty
much everything. I had to admit, it was hard letting someone else have control over my
music—even her—but I was doing it because I had no idea what the fuck she liked and I
wanted to know.
The sun had risen and was shining brightly by the time we arrived at the ferry. I bought the
ticket and pulled onto it, parking. Isabella looked apprehensive, a bit tense, and I knew
she’d ridden on when my father brought her from Phoenix, but she’d probably been in
quite a daze because of everything being so new at the time. I reached over and grabbed her
hand, linking our fingers together. She looked over at me and smiled, her tension
dissipating.
I gazed at her for a moment before leaning over toward her. She followed my lead and I
pressed my lips against hers, parting her lips with my tongue. She moaned in my mouth
and I kissed her deeply.
“I love you,” I said, as I pulled back from her mouth. She smiled.
“I love you too, Edward,” she said softly. I smirked, because I fucking loved it when she told
me she loved me. It made my heart act up and pound erratically, the sound of my name
rolling from her lips a major fucking turn on.
We stayed in the car during the ferry ride, because it was so fucking cold out, and I pulled
off when we hit the other side. I drove straight to Northgate Mall, hoping it wouldn’t be as
fucking packed as going directly into downtown, and arrived just as they were opening. I
parked the car and climbed out, walking over and helping Isabella out. I gave her a smile
and leaned in, giving her a brief kiss.
“Come on, let’s spend some fucking money,” I said. She smiled and nodded, taking my
hand. We headed inside and immediately she started tensing up, because the place was
pretty damn big and even though it was early, there were already a lot of people. I guess
that’s what fucking happens when you wait until the last minute to shop—you have to deal
with crowds.
I kept a hold of her hand and started jabbering about bullshit, hoping she’d focus her
attention on me and not the other people around. We walked through the mall for a few
minutes, not going into any stores yet, just giving her time to relax. Her tension seemed to
ease a bit finally so I dragged her into Game Stop so I could get Emmett a goddamn game,
because that’s usually what he did with his free time when he wasn’t with Rosalie. I got
him Star Wars: Battlefront II for the Xbox and grabbed Jasper Age of Empire III for the
PC, because Jasper liked that shit. Isabella clung to me the entire time in the store, only
letting go of me long enough so I could get my wallet out to pay.
“Do you know what you want to get anyone?” I asked, glancing over at her when we walked
out of Game Stop. She frowned and shook her head.
“I, uh… I really don’t know what they like or what there is,” she said softly. I nodded,
sighing. She’d never been in a fucking store like this before to shop, so of course she
wouldn’t know.
“Well, we’ll find them something. My brothers are easy. Jasper likes anything that takes
strategy, he’s all into history and shit. Especially the Civil War. I don’t even know if you
know what the civil war is, but it’s when the sla--…”
I cut myself off quickly, freezing, realizing I was about to goddamn say it was when the
slaves were freed. She glanced over at me and smiled sadly.
“It was the war over slavery, I know. Abraham Lincoln declared slavery was wrong and in
1865 the slaves were all freed and congress made it illegal to own another person,” she said
quietly. I sighed, squeezing her hand lightly.
“I didn’t know if you knew that shit, but I guess you do. Hell, you know it better than me. I
couldn’t have fucking told you the year,” I said. She smiled, shrugging.
“We may be uneducated, but one thing we all know about is the Emancipation
Proclamation,” she said. “Just as every Christian is aware of the bible, every slave knows of
the document that was supposed to end the suffering. It’s the only thing most of them have
to hold onto, the only piece of hope they have.”
I stared at her, sadness ripping through me as I saw her eyes glass over with tears she was
fighting to keep in. She had a wistful look on her face and blinked a few times, a tear
escaping and sliding down her cheek. She reached up and wiped it away quickly, clearing
her throat. “Come on, let’s shop,” she said. She started to walk again but I stood still,
gripping onto her hand. She felt my resistance and paused, turning to me. I stared at her
for a moment, standing in the middle of the goddamn mall with people all around, but I
didn’t care. I pulled on her arm, bringing her closer to me, and pressed my lips to hers
quickly. She tensed up at first but relaxed when I wrapped my arms around her tightly. I
pulled my lips from hers and she tucked her head against my chest. I squeezed her tightly,
knowing people were probably wondering what the fuck was wrong with us, but all I cared
about was the emotional pain my girl felt.
“I can’t save them all, Bella, but I promise you I will save you,” I said softly. “If it’s the last
goddamn thing I do.”
She pulled back from me and I loosed my hold on her. Another tear slipped down her cheek
but she smiled. “You already are saving me, more than you realize. I don’t expect anything
more, but I’m grateful.”
I smiled lightly. “Good,” I said, letting go of her and reaching up, brushing her tears away.
“But I’m going to be issuing an Isabella Swan Emancipation Proclamation soon, forcing
those in charge to free you.”
Her brow furrowed briefly before a look of realization came across her face. “So you’re
Abraham Lincoln and your fathers congress?” she asked, smiling.
I chuckled. “I was thinking that I’m the North and he’s the South, and of course the fucking
North wins, but I suppose you could say that. As long as I don’t get shot afterward like
Lincoln did. I mean, I’d fucking take a bullet for you in a heartbeat, tesoro, but I’m not
looking forward to having to. The last one fucking hurt enough to last a lifetime.”
Her eyes widened with shock and she gaped at me. She opened her mouth and looked like
she was about to argue so I held my hand up to silence her before she even started. “And
don’t you even dare tell me you’re not fucking worth it, or it’s pointless, or any of that other
shit, because I don’t want to hear it.”
Her mouth snapped closed and I smiled. “Good. Now let’s go back to shopping, because
that’s enough serious talk for today. I just want to spend some time with my girl away from
all the bullshit.”
She smiled lightly. “Okay, that sounds nice.” I nodded and brought our linked hands up,
kissing the back of hers, before we started walking through the mall again.
“What was I saying before I got fucking distracted?” I asked.
She giggled, the carefree sound lifting a bit of the weight I felt in my heart. “Jasper likes the
civil war,” she said. I nodded, remembering now that was how we got on the subject of
slavery.
“Yeah, he does. And Emmett, well, he’s the most easy-going person on the planet. He loves
games and his guitar and his girlfriend. And as for her…” I started, but Isabella cut me off
quickly.
“Emmett plays guitar?” she asked. I nodded.
“Yes, all three of us can play the guitar, although I’m definitely not as good as Emmett,” I
said. She glanced over at me with surprise.
“I didn’t know you played the guitar too,” she said. I smiled.
“Have you not noticed the guitar sitting in the corner in the bedroom?” I asked. She
shrugged.
“I saw it, but I didn’t know you knew how to use it since you never touch it,” she said.
“Yeah, well, I pick it up every now and then. I’ve always been big into music, it means a lot
to me. I went through a long phase where I refused to touch the piano, although that’s
really where my heart lies, but I couldn’t resist the urge to create music completely. So I got
the guitar, because I could play it locked away in my room away from everyone else,” I said.
She nodded, seeming to understand. I couldn’t fucking bare to play for a long time after my
mothers death, after she was murdered coming from my piano recital. I still rarely played
and usually when I did it was the fucking funeral march, the goddamn song I was playing
that night because it’s always trapped in my head. But like everything else, even that was
different now. Because I’d been fucking itching to play more again, random melodies
swirling in my mind that I tinker around with those times I’m alone. And I knew it was
because of her, because Isabella inspired me and opened up those parts of me that had
been locked away for years.
“Sorry I cut you off, I was just surprised. You were saying something about Rosalie?” she
said. I nodded.
“Yeah, Rosalie’s a picky bitch, and excuse my language but she is. But she loves her car and
loves looking good. Not saying I think she fucking looks good or anything,” I added quickly,
glancing over at Isabella. She smiled but didn’t say anything so I continued. “Alice is easy,
she loves everything.”
She smiled. “And you? What does the finicky Edward Cullen like?” she asked, raising her
eyebrows.
I chuckled. “He likes his girlfriend, his car, and his piano. Fuck everything else.”
She laughed. “Well, then. I don’t suppose I can put any of them under the tree for you.”
I shrugged. “I dunno baby, I kinda like the idea of you under there with nothing but a red
bow on,” I said playfully. She gasped and I chuckled. “Yeah, we’ll save that idea for a future
Christmas. Seriously, though, I don’t need anything but if it’ll make you feel better I’ll pick
something out for myself and you can wrap it up for me.”
She smiled and nodded. “Thank you. It would make me feel better.”
We strolled through the mall for a while and Isabella started loosening up, actually feeling
comfortable enough to let go of my hand and wander a store, always making sure I was
within view though. We ended up finding some civil war chess pieces for Isabella to get
Jasper, which I knew he was going to fucking love. We were browsing through a music
store and grabbed a new tool kit for Emmett, because I was tired of him asking me for
mine, and Isabella randomly came across some white guitar picks with “Rose” written on
them in black, a stenciled picture of the flower on the other side. She grabbed them
immediately and I had to admit, it was a good fucking gift. I knew he’d love them because
they didn’t look girly at all and it was sure to win some goddamn brownie points with his
stuck up girlfriend too.
I detoured us into the shoe store eventually and picked out a pair of black and white Nike’s
with a hot pink swoosh symbol on them for Isabella, because my father said to get her
whatever she needed and I thought she fucking needed a pair of Nike’s. I picked out a pair
of green and white Nike’s for myself, since my girl liked green, and told her that could be
her gift to me. She looked like she was going to argue again, obviously wanting to get me
something more personal than a pair of shoes, but she conceded. I took the shoes and sat
both pairs on the counter, waiting for the lady that was running the register to come ring
me up, as she was talking to another customer. I got a bit impatient waiting and wrapped
my arms around Isabella, pulling her back to me. She brought her hands up and rubbed my
forearms, leaning back into me. I inhaled her hair, smelling the fruity sweetness, and
rested my head against hers. We were just standing there, holding onto each other, when I
heard my name being called behind us. She tensed up the moment the words “Edward
Cullen” hit her, but I just turned my head slightly to look, because I recognized the voice
right off the bat and there wasn’t shit to worry about.
“What up, Ben?” I asked, smiling at him and Angela. I turned our bodies to face them and
Isabella remained tense, but she didn’t try to pull away.
“Wow, so I guess it is true,” Angela said, glancing between Isabella and I. I rolled my eyes
but smirked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Angela,” I said. She smiled.
“Don’t worry, you know I don’t gossip. Your love life is your own. I have to say though, I
never thought it would happen, but I’m glad it did,” she said.
“Yeah, I’m glad too,” I said, leaning down and kissing Isabella lightly on the cheek. She
smiled and blushed, which made all of us laugh. “Anyway, what the fuck are you guys up
to?”
Ben shrugged. “Just finishing some last minute shopping, getting out of Forks for a bit.”
I nodded. The lady started ringing my shoes up so I unwrapped my arms from around
Isabella and reached into my pocket, pulling out my wallet. I handed over the American
Express, groaning when the woman asked to see my ID. I signed the slip after she was
fucking confident I was Edward Cullen and Isabella grabbed the bag before I could argue. I
cocked an eyebrow at her, giving her a questioning look, but she just smiled.
“Anyway, we’re about to go grab something from Panara Bread, you guys wanna join us?”
Angela asked. I shook my head.
“I’m gonna take her to Red Robin, because I want something extremely unhealthy and I’m
not going to survive the rest of this shopping trip without a goddamn strong drink. Or two.
Maybe three,” I said. Ben laughed and Angela rolled her eyes playfully, but Isabella looked
at me with surprise.
“Girlfriend or no girlfriend, I see you’re still the same Cullen,” Angela said. I shrugged and
chuckled.
“Always,” I said. “I need to run these bags out to the car first though because they’re getting
fucking heavy.” Ben nodded and help up the bags he was caring, indicating the same
fucking thing. The shit we did for girls, I swear.
Isabella smiled. “I have to use the bathroom,” she said softly, glancing at me. I smiled and
nodded, about to open my mouth and tell her we’d walk there when Angela chimed in.
“I can show her where the restrooms are while you boys go relieve yourself of bags,” she
said. I glanced down at Isabella hesitantly, and she seemed frozen for a second before
nodding, plastering a smile on her face. I couldn’t tell if she was just agreeing because she
felt she should, or if she were really okay with it. Angela smiled and held the bag she was
holding out to Ben, and I swung Isabella around to look at me.
“You could’ve said no baby,” I whispered, leaning in and kissing her lips briefly. She
blushed.
“It’s fine, it made sense,” she murmured. I smiled.
“Okay. Don’t worry, Angela’s nice,” I said. She smiled and nodded.
“Okay. Just, uh… hurry back, okay?” she said, raising her eyebrows at me. I nodded.
“I’ll only be a few minutes, and then we’ll get something to eat,” I said. She smiled,
seemingly relieved, and I leaned down to kiss her softly again, trying to be reassuring. She
finally pulled away from me and turned to Angela, who smiled at her. She gave me one last
glance and handed the bag of shoes to me before walking away.
Christ, she was just going to the fucking bathroom and I’d see her in like five minutes, but
watching her walk away from me was goddamn hard. Ben walked over and patted me on
the back, laughing.
“Cullen fucking lovestruck, who would’ve thought,” he said, amused. I reached over and
punched him on the arm, smirking.
“Yeah well, you keep that shit to yourself because we’re trying to keep it quiet,” I said. “I’m
not so sure how my fathers going to take it, since we fucking live together and all.”
He nodded. “You know I won’t say anything. Speaking of your father though, I ran into him
yesterday in Forks, he asked me about you.”
My eyes narrowed slightly and I glanced at Ben. “What did he want to know?”
Ben shrugged. “He just asked if I noticed that you seemed happier lately. He also wanted to
know if you’ve been getting any hard shit from me lately. I told him you hadn’t gotten shit
from me in over two months, that you seemed to calm down a bit but other than that, still
the same Cullen.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I need to leave that shit alone. Last time it gave me a nosebleed from hell,”
I said. Ben nodded.
“That why I’d never touch it myself,” he said. I rolled my eyes.
“Yet you’d fucking sell it to me,” I said. He laughed.
‘Well, who sold it to me in the first place?” he asked. I chuckled, shaking my head because I
guess it was my fucking fault anyway, having been the one to hook Ben up with my Dad’s
connections to the shit. We headed out of the mall and toward the parking lot to drop the
bags off. I found the Volvo and opened the trunk, sitting the bags inside and shutting it.
Ben parked about two rows over and met me back at my car, and we headed back inside.
We walked to the other end of the mall, to where the food court was, and I spotted her
immediately as I neared. She was smiling, looking genuinely happy, like a normal fucking
teenage girl. Angela said something to her and she glanced up, her eyes meeting mine and
sparking immediately, her face lighting up. Yeah, it was easy to see she fucking loved me. I
smirked and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her. “Mi sei mancata,” I
mumbled. She smiled and squeezed me back. “You read to eat, tesoro?” She pulled back
slightly and nodded. We said goodbye to Ben and Angela and headed over to Red Robin,
where the lady said we’d have to wait at least 45 minutes but after asking to speak to the
manager and slipping him some cash, we were rushed straight through.
We ordered some big ass burgers, which was amusing watching her try to eat, and I got a
Nuclear Ice Tea, because I wasn’t lying when I said I’d need some strong alcohol to endure
the rest of shopping. I ended up getting a second one, knowing the shit would wear off by
the time I had to drive, and snuck Isabella a sip of it. She made the funniest fucking face
and I laughed loudly, probably disturbing the assholes trying to sit nearby, but I didn’t give
a shit.
“So you and Angela got along fine?” I asked. She smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, she was really nice. She did ask me how I knew your family, how I came to live with
you and I didn’t know how to answer it, so I just told her our families were acquainted,” she
said. I nodded.
“That works. I guess it’s the fucking truth too,” I said, shrugging. She nodded. “You know,
you two could be friends. You’re allowed to have them, you might like having someone
around who doesn’t know… you know…” I said, not wanting to fucking straight out say it.
She sighed and shook her head.
“She’s a nice person, but it wouldn’t be fair,” she said. I looked at her with confusion and
she smiled sadly. “What kind of friend would I be, lying to her about myself? I clearly can’t
tell her the truth, and it would be wrong to mislead her into a friendship under those
circumstances. It wouldn’t be fair to her and I don’t want to be that kind of person.”
I stared at her for a moment, slightly stunned at how fucking selfless that was, but couldn’t
come up with an argument to try to change her mind that didn’t make me look like a big
asshole. What was I supposed to say? ‘Gee, Bella, we all fucking lie so it doesn’t matter’? So,
I just sat quietly and kept my mouth shut out of understanding.
After we ate we set back out through the mall. We got to Victoria Secret and I paused in
front of the store, smirking. Isabella eyed the store hesitantly, her eyes widening with shock
when she saw the mannequins with the lingerie on in the window. I chuckled and pulled
her inside, thankful she didn’t really resist.
“Do people really wear this stuff?” she asked quietly after a second. I shrugged.
“Some girls do. I bet you’d be sexy as hell in one of these get-up’s,” I said, running my hand
along some fancy black lingerie, see-through with lace and garters dangling from it. Her
eyes widened with shock and she gaped at me.
“You’re not buying it for me, are you?” she asked, sounding slightly panicked. I chuckled,
shaking my head.
“Naw. Not now anyway. Maybe in a few years. But you can get some sexy underwear for
me,” I said, cocking an eyebrow at her. She blushed and I chuckled. “Come on,” I said,
grabbing her hand once again and pulling her over to a rack of bra and panty sets. I told her
to pick a matching set out and she looked at me with shock for a moment but turned to
them eventually, eyeing them warily. She pulled out a blue lacy bra with a matching pair of
cheeky hip huggers and looked at me nervously, bringing her bottom lip into her mouth to
chew on. I smiled and took them from her, walking up to the counter. I handed them to the
lady, not at all goddamn ashamed to be in this store like most guys would be, and got two
$100 gift cards for Alice and Rosalie, because I was a fucking copout when it came to
buying them shit and always got them gift cards.
We left the store and she glanced back briefly at it. I didn’t miss the small smirk she got on
her lips when she eyed the lingerie once again. Yeah, my girl definitely had potential in that
department.
We wandered through stores for a bit and Isabella ran across a framed photo of Tinkerbell
from the Peter Pan Ballet. Her face lit up and she grabbed it for Alice right away. I had to
admit, that shit was perfect, because Alice loved Ballerinas since she used to be one when
she was younger and of course, Alice is like a fucking little pixie herself.
We were wandering past a toy store when Isabella spotted a remote controlled BMW in the
window. She paused and turned to me, raising her eyebrows expectantly. I glanced at it and
smirked, realizing it was the exact fucking car Rosalie drove. I chuckled and dragged her
into the store, because it was the perfect gift for Rose. My girl didn’t even need my help; she
was a great gift-giver on her own.
After that was done I swung through a store to browse through some Jade figurines, trying
to pick out one for Esme. I knew she collected them as I used to see them all over her
house. I was glancing through some when Bella started laughing. She pointed at a lion,
smiling.
“I like the lion. It reminds me of your hair,” she said playfully. I rolled my eyes but
snatched up the lion.
“Yeah, I know, I need a fucking haircut,” I mumbled. I walked up to the counter to pay for it
and Isabella continued to laugh. I grabbed the bag and we headed out of the store. I started
through the mall again but Isabella hesitated. I paused and turned to look at her and she
smiled. She reached up and pulled my ball cap off, running her fingers through my messy
hair. She giggled and reached up on her tiptoes, her face lighting up with happiness. I
smiled, because it was impossible to not fucking smile when she was so happy, and leaned
down. She kissed me deeply, fucking stunning me because we were in public, and pulled
back after a moment. She giggled some more, sounding so fucking carefree.
“I love your hair, it has character,” she said. I smiled and snatched the hat back from her,
putting it back on. I reached over and brushed her lips with my fingertips.
“Why, thank you,” I said. “Are you about ready to get out of here? All of these people are
making me feel fucking claustrophobic and my goddamn feet are starting to hurt.”
She smiled, glancing around. I was stunned that she wasn’t panicking more because of the
massive amount of people here now. She finally nodded. “Yeah I’m ready. But uh… should I
get something for your father?” she asked. I shook my head no and her brow furrowed.
“Wouldn’t it be disrespectful not to?”
I sighed. “No, he doesn’t expect anything,” I said, shrugging. I didn’t see what the big deal
was but she just stood there, staring at me.
“I think I should though,” she said. I groaned but nodded.
“Fine, just get him a fucking tie or something,” I mumbled. She nodded and we started
walking through the mall again. I headed into a store and she picked out a green Salvatore
Ferragamo Italian silk tie, which I had to admit was a nice fucking gift. I paid and was
pulling her back out of the store, but froze and groaned. “Shit, baby, we forgot to get you a
coat.”
She looked surprised, obviously having forgotten about it also. We headed out and through
the mall, stopping at The Gap. I wasn’t a big fan of the Gap but I knew they’d have a coat
for her in there. She picked out a tan parka and we stood in line for like 20 goddamn
minutes before I could pay for it. We left the store finally and I turned to her, cocking an
eyebrow. “Are we done now?” I asked. She smiled and nodded, which made me breathe a
sigh of relief. I needed another fucking drink after all of that. Or maybe a blunt. Something
to calm my damn nerves.
We headed out to the car and I unlocked her door, helping her in. I threw the bags in the
trunk and got in, starting the car up and pulling out. Traffic was fucking heavy, which
irritated me because I hated going slow and just sitting there. I was gripping the steering
wheel tightly, annoyed, my temper starting to flare. I was taking deep breaths because we’d
had a good day and I didn’t want to snap and ruin it for her. She was acting almost fucking
normal, so carefree and happy, and I didn’t need to be a dickhead toward her for no reason,
just because some goddamn idiot in a huge van with a shitload of kids couldn’t fucking
drive 10 feet without slamming on their fucking breaks needlessly.
Who needed such a big goddamn vehicle anyway? I swear it looked more like a bus than
anything, how many fucking kids did one person need? Okay, I realized I was just being an
asshole because I was irritated, but I couldn’t help it. Just last week I’d told Isabella she
could have a big family if she wanted, and I meant that shit. Honestly I never even thought
about having kids, figured I’d grow old and die without an heir because it was better than
inflicting upon the world another shithead like me. But Isabella was fucking good, she had
a beautiful soul, so maybe that would balance out my obviously fucked up genes in
whatever spawn we created. And I could picture her with a bunch of kids, little redhead
fuckers like me tearing shit up and little beauties like her, all sweet and shit. A big ass
house full of good and bad, balancing each other out. We could pop kids out back to back
like my mom did, as she always fucking wanted a big family. I don’t know why she stopped
after me, dad said she’d wanted to have at least half a dozen more. But whatever, we could
afford it. We could have as many babies as she wanted, we could be the goddamn next
generation Duggar family, getting pregnant every fucking year. But ya know, none of that
would ever fucking happen if this goddamn van in front of us wouldn’t fucking move out of
my way.
“Are you okay?” Isabella asked softly after a moment. I glanced over at her and put a smile
on my fucking face to hide my irrational anger but it obviously didn’t convince her. She was
eyeing me skeptically.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.
She sighed. “You’re grinding your teeth together, you do it when you’re aggravated about
something.”
“I do?” I asked with surprise. She nodded.
“When I do something that you find annoying, you start grinding your teeth, I assume to
keep yourself from saying something,” she said softly. I smiled, this time more genuine,
and pulled my hand from the steering wheel. I reached over and grabbed her hand, linking
our fingers together and laying them on her thigh.
“I didn’t realize I did that shit. But yeah, I’ve been trying to control my temper lately
because I know I snap at stupid shit. Like right now, I’m damn close to fucking screaming
at this van in front of us, but it isn’t like it’s their goddamn fault. They’ve got a car ahead of
them. You didn’t do anything wrong, I had a great day with you,” I said. She smiled lightly,
nodding.
“I had a good day too,” she said softly, turning her head and looking out the window. I
glanced at the clock, realizing it was already past 6pm, which meant we’d been in that
goddamn mall for like 8 hours.
“Are you hungry again? We can stop somewhere on the way home. I need to swing through
somewhere in Port Angeles anyway,” I offered. She shook her head.
“No, but thanks,” she said. I nodded and turned my attention back to the traffic, once again
annoyed that we weren’t fucking moving.
I started babbling nonchalantly about bullshit, trying to keep my attention off of the traffic,
and Isabella did her best to distract me. We finally started moving and I drove through
town toward the ferry. We boarded it and got out this time, since it had warmed up slightly
during the day. We wandered the deck and Isabella watched the water with amazement,
while I just wrapped my arms around her and just held her. When we reached shore we
climbed back in the car and I started it up, pulling off of the ferry.
The drive to Port Angeles went by relatively quickly, despite the distance. I pulled up in
front of the old brick house, shutting the engine off. I sighed, hesitating. “I’d rather you
wait here, I don’t want you inside this place,” I said. Her brow furrowed and she stared at
me with confusion.
“What is this place?” she asked. I smiled sheepishly.
“It’s a… well, it’s where I get all the bad shit you want nothing to do with. I don’t know what
you’d call it. But I get shit through the black market from these guys, and I need to pick up
my dad’s present,” I said. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”
She nodded hesitantly and I reached over, opening the glove box. I pulled out the manila
envelope and shut it, leaning in and giving Isabella a brief kiss. I got out, locking the doors
and shutting her inside. The neighborhood was relatively safe, despite the house itself
being the most dangerous one in town, so I knew she’d be safer in the fucking car than in
the house. I tucked the envelope in my coat and walked up to the door, knocking lightly,
making sure not to bang like the goddamn police and get them paranoid. The front door
opened after a moment and the guy eyed me suspiciously before stepping aside and
ushering me in. I walked down the corridor, toward a large room. A man looked up at me
and smiled.
“Ah, young Mister Cullen, I was wondering when you’d get here. I thought maybe you’d
changed your mind,” he said. I smirked.
“Since when do I change my mind?” I asked. He laughed, shaking his head.
“Never,” he said. I nodded and he stood up, walking out of the room. I just stood there,
glancing around. There were a few men in the house, all of them with weapons prominently
displayed. They were all hard asses, not a single one with a compassionate bone in his
fucking body.
The man returned after a moment caring the large gun. It was an M1 Garand, military
issue, National Match Type 2, excellent collector grade. It was the best of the best when it
came to military rifles in my father’s opinion. You can get them from surplus through the
government, but they were always backed up at least a year for this particular gun and it
wasn’t that easy to get approved through the Civilian Marksmanship Program, especially
when you’re suspected of being associated to anyone in the mafia. My father had one years
ago in Chicago, but it was seized by the ATF and never returned.
He handed it to me and I looked it over briefly, nodding. I reached in my coat and pulled
out the envelope, handing it to him. He opened it and pulled the cash out, counting it to
ensure the whole $6,000 was there.
“Always my favorite customer,” he said, smiling. He walked into the back room and came
back out with a long box to put the rifle in. He threw in some ammunition and handed it to
me, reaching his hand out. I shook his hand firmly and nodded.
“Nice doing business with you,” I said. I turned and headed out of the house quickly,
practically leaping down the fucking front steps to get to the car. I popped the trunk and sat
the package inside, unlocking the doors and climbing in. Isabella looked over at me
questioningly, obviously wondering what I’d gotten, and I smiled sheepishly. “It’s a gun.”
She nodded in understanding and turned her head to look out the window. I started the car
up and pulled away from the curb, speeding home.
It was dark when we arrived; even colder than it had been this morning. We got out of the
car and I popped the trunk, starting to grab bags. Isabella came around to help but I told
her to go straight inside, because it was fucking cold and I didn’t want her to get sick. She
walked up the porch and opened the door, holding it open for me. I tossed the bags into the
foyer and closed the car up, locking it. I headed inside and we dragged the bags up to my
room.
Isabella pulled the coat off that she was wearing and sat it carefully across the end of the
bed. I pulled mine of and tossed it over toward the closet, but it landed on the floor. I saw
the corner of her lips turn up slightly, and groaned. I walked over and picked the coat up,
grabbing a hanger to hang it up. I held my hand out and she handed me the other one,
which I also hung up.
“Happy now?” I asked. She smiled.
“I was never unhappy, Edward,” she said, her voice sweet and breathy with a hint of
amusement. I rolled my eyes and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her. I went
for her neck immediately, tasting her delicious flesh. She moaned and cocked her head to
the side to give me better access. She reached her hands up and grabbed my hat, taking it
off and flinging it across the room. I started laughing and pulled back from her neck.
“Why is it you can fucking throw stuff around the room but I can’t?” I asked. She smiled
and shrugged.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said playfully. I rolled my eyes and walked
her backwards, picking her up and tossing her onto the bed. She laughed and kicked her
shoes off, letting them fall to the floor with a thud. I kicked mine off and climbed up onto
the bed, hovering over her and kissing her briefly before collapsing beside her on the bed
because my limbs were tired.
“Christ, I’m too fucking exhausted to even make out,” I said. My body felt really damn worn
out, my eyes heavy from lack of sleep last night. Isabella sighed, rolling over onto her side.
“I’m…” she started, before breaking out into a big fucking yawn. I laughed and pulled her to
me, wrapping my arms around her tightly.
“I know baby, me too,” I said. “Let’s just go to sleep.” I closed my eyes and she snuggled
into me, humming lightly.
“I need to go to my room and get changed,” she murmured. I groaned.
“No you don’t, you can’t leave me,” I said, goddamn pouting. I was too comfortable for her
to just get up, I didn’t want to move. She laughed.
“I’ll only be gone a few minutes,” she said. I shook my head.
“But I’ll miss you,” I said, realizing I was whining like a little bitch but I didn’t care. I didn’t
want her to move. She was fucking warm and cozy.
She laughed some more. “But these jeans are uncomfortable,” she said.
“So take them off,” I said. She sighed.
“And the shirt? It’s not exactly designed for sleeping in.”
“Take it off, too,” I said immediately.
“What about the light?”
“What about it? You used to always sleep with it on,” I mumbled. She’d confessed to me
that she used to sleep with the light on so she didn’t feel so alone, so abandoned, but that
she didn’t fucking need that anymore since she had me.
She was quiet for a moment, snuggling deeper into me. I smiled, knowing she was fucking
conceding.
“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?” she mumbled after a bit. I chuckled.
“You know I do,” I said. She sighed and pulled herself up off of me. I opened my eyes
quickly, thinking maybe she was going to leave after all. Christ it really wasn’t a big deal, I
was just being a dick about it. “You can go get changed, Bella. I’ll be here,” I said, not
wanting her to be fucking uncomfortable. She glanced over at me and smiled, reaching
down and grabbing the hemline of her shirt. She pulled it up over her head, exposing her
black lacy bra. I growled at the sight and she laughed.
“I know I can go get changed,” she said, tossing the shirt on the floor. She lay down beside
me and unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, raising up slightly to pull them down over her
ass. She lifted her legs up and pulled them off, dropping them to the floor. I stared at her
with shock, stunned that she actually did it. I let my eyes linger down her body, feeling my
dick hardening.
“Christ, you’re beautiful,” I said, reaching out and running my hand up her stomach. I
slipped my fingers under the cup of her bra, finding her hardened nipple immediately. She
gasped and I rolled over, about to kiss her, but she pulled her body away from me and
giggled.
“I thought you were too tired to make out Edward,” she said. I groaned.
“I thought I was but then you went and practically fucking stripped for me. You can’t
seriously expect me to keep my hands to myself with you wearing just that,” I said. She
laughed some more.
“You’re the one that told me to do it,” she said. I sighed, rolling my eyes.
“I know but damn, I kinda didn’t expect you to. You’re getting awfully brave, tesoro,” I said.
“But yeah, you’re right. No touching, I get it.”
I undid my belt buckle and pulled it off, throwing it on the floor. I undid my pants and
pulled them off, letting them drop to the floor also. I sat up and pulled my shirt off, tossing
it aside, leaving me in my boxers. I stood up from the bed and walked over, flicking the
light switch so the light went off. I walked back over and flopped back in bed with a groan.
Isabella giggled and snuggled into me again. “You can touch,” she said softly. I sighed,
squeezing her.
“I know. But I really am exhausted,” I said, closing my eyes. She laughed and I laughed
along with her, because I realized we just went through all of that shit for nothing.
I fell into a deep dreamless sleep quickly. I woke up to a room partially encased in light and
glanced at the alarm clock, noticing it was almost 11 am. I heard Isabella mumble and
looked over at her to see her eyes opening. She saw me looking at her and smiled sleepily.
“Good morning,” she mumbled. I smiled, rolling over to her slightly and kissing the tip of
her nose.
“Good morning to you, too, sleeping beauty,” I said softly. She giggled and pushed herself
up so she was sitting. I climbed out of bed and stretched my back out. “I need to take a
shower.”
She sighed. “Me too,” she said, standing up. She started gathering up her clothes and I
stood back, watching her, practically fucking mesmerized by the way her ass dimpled
slightly when she stood erect and her stomach rippled when she bent over. It was little shit,
but it was shit I’d never noticed before. Once she had her clothes picked up she sprinted
across the hall quickly.
I walked into the bathroom and pulled my boxers off, turning on the hot water and
climbing under the spray. I washed my body quickly, washing my hair. My dick was hard
and I debated for a moment before leaning up against the wall of the shower, wrapping my
hand around it. I stroked it a few times, groaning and closing my eyes. The tension started
mounting almost immediately and I stroked faster, gripping harder. It only took a couple of
minutes before I reached my peak, my knees nearly bucking as I exploded. I grunted,
gritting my teeth to keep the goddamn noise down, and my entire body shook. I washed off
quickly and shut the water off, feeling a lot better after getting a release.
Yeah, I was still fucking masturbating daily, sometimes multiple times. My sexual appetite
was always out of control and my girl jacking me off wouldn’t change that.
Christ, just thinking about her jacking me off had my dick stirring again already. The way
her small hand felt wrapped around it, her innocent fucking reactions. I swear that was the
best fucking orgasm of my life. She’d been a bit scared at first but put on a brave face,
obviously fucking determined and dead-set on pleasuring me. It was endearing, I had to
give her that much. My girl was strong willed and full of determination. I had no doubt that
if Isabella Swan set her mind on something, she was going to succeed with it.
She hadn’t touched me again since then but the memory of it was burned in my fucking
brain. To be honest I really hadn’t touched her either, even though I’d wanted to, because I
didn’t want to make shit about sex with us, didn’t want it to become just a part of the
routine or something. Basically I didn’t want her to fucking think just because she was
sleeping in my bed every night that she’d have to get me off every night.
So yeah, I’d been resorting to pleasuring myself in the goddamn shower still, trying to walk
a fine line with intimacy with her so she remains comfortable being so physically close with
me.
I got dressed and Isabella wandered back over to my room after a bit, all fresh and clean
and smelling fucking fantastic. I couldn’t resist nuzzling into her neck and nibbling on her
earlobe a bit because of how scrumptious she was. We grabbed some breakfast in the
kitchen and chatted with my brothers for a bit before locking ourselves away in my
bedroom to wrap presents. She’d obviously never fucking wrapped anything before in her
life, because she was being a goddamn perfectionist and was looking at it like it was some
sort of complex puzzle she was trying to figure out. I had to laugh at her a few times when
her face would scrunch up in concentration and she’d meticulously start folding the
goddamn paper. I myself just slapped the shit around it, making sure you couldn’t see it,
and taped it up so it held. I probably used an entire goddamn roll of tape and they’d
probably need a fucking knife to get through it, but it was wrapped so that had to fucking
count for something.
After the presents were wrapped we grabbed some lunch and went back to my bedroom to
watch a movie. Around 5pm I sighed and stood up, shutting the TV off. I glanced at Isabella
and she eyed me skeptically. My nerves were on edge a bit and I could feel the worry inside
of me fighting to take over, because I knew Esme would be here with my father at any time.
“My aunt should be here soon,” I said quietly. She stared at me for a moment before
nodding, smiling.
“Should we go downstairs?” she asked softly. I gazed at her for a moment before nodding.
“Yeah we probably should. Just relax, okay? Esme’s nice,” I said, trying to reassure her
once again. She nodded and stood up, brushing her clothes a bit nervously. I walked out of
the bedroom and she followed me, heading down the stairs quietly. I heard the TV on when
we hit the foyer and headed into the living room. Jasper and Emmett looked up at us,
smiling, and I plopped down on the end of the couch opposite from Jasper. Isabella
hesitated but walked over and sat down carefully between Jasper and I.
We sat around nonchalantly chatting, watching Kill Bill. Isabella watched it intently but
had a look of confusion on her face, obviously having no fucking clue what it was about.
After about 45 minutes I heard a car pulling up out front and from the corner of my eye I
could see Isabella tense up slightly, obviously having heard it also.
I reached over and placed my hand on her knee in an attempt to squeeze it lightly, trying to
be reassuring, but evidently she was more on edge than I expected because she yelped and
jumped. I froze, and Jasper and Emmett glanced over at us with confusion. I shook my
head and shot them looks that clearly said not to fucking ask, and they remained quiet.
The front door opened and I heard my fathers voice immediately, followed by that
charming warm soft laughter. Jasper and Emmett both perked up immediately, jumping
up. I heard the front door close and the two of them headed straight for the living area,
talking and laughing. My anticipation grew with every step they took, as I fucking loved my
aunt and missed the shit out of her, but I could tell every step increased Isabella’s anxiety.
I glanced up as they neared, smirking the moment my eyes fell on Esme. Jasper and
Emmett practically ran her down trying to get hugs, swallowing her small frame between
them. Esme wasn’t exactly a small person, maybe 5’6”, but she was slender and had a soft
look about her. Her face was heart-shaped and she had soft golden brown hair, almost the
color of caramel, and warm brown eyes to match. She looked completely opposite of my
dad, as he looked like his mother and she looked like their father. I guess kinda like Jasper
and I—some people think we don’t even fucking look related at all because we look so much
like opposite parents. Anyway, you could tell just by looking at Esme that she was kind
hearted, her disposition just oozed empathy.
Esme laughed, squeezing Jasper’s tall lanky frame in a hug. She pulled back and Emmett
wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her and picking her up off the ground, swinging
her around. She yelped and we all laughed, except for Isabella who seemed completely
fucking frozen as she stared at Esme.
Emmett finally put her down and she turned around, glancing at me. She smiled brightly
and held her arms out. I hesitated but stood up, walking over to her. She wrapped her small
arms around me, pulling me down to her, and sighed. She hugged me tightly, rocking us
back and forth.
“I swear you look more and more like her every time I see you, kiddo,” she said softly, only
loud enough for me to hear. She didn’t have to specify, I knew what the fuck she was
talking about. I sighed and hugged her back, not bothering to respond because there was
really nothing to say. It was the truth, and Esme was one of the few people who wasn’t
afraid to openly talk about my mother to me.
I pulled back from the hug and she looked up at me, beaming. She reached a hand up and
patted me on the cheek lightly. “Are you being good, Edward? Not giving your father hell
again, are you?” she asked. Last year when I got sent to Grand River Academy she’d flown
down one weekend and chewed me out for my behavior, telling me to basically grow the
fuck up and give them a reason to be proud of me.
I shrugged, smiling. “I haven’t blown anything up lately, Esme, if that’s what you’re
asking,” I said playfully. She smiled, shaking her head.
“Well, I suppose that’s a start then, isn’t it?” she said. I chuckled and nodded. My dad
cleared his throat lightly and I pulled away from Esme to look at him. He was staring
toward the couch and I turned around quickly to see Isabella standing there, staring at the
ground. Just seeing her look so afraid and apprehensive tugged at my heart and I had to
fight hard against the urge to fucking run right to her and scoop her up in my arms and tell
her she doesn’t have to be goddamn afraid of anything because I have her back.
“Isabella, I presume?” Esme asked softly. She glanced up from the floor, making eye
contact with my aunt. She looked so fucking frightened, the same look in her eyes that she
had that first day when she arrived here. That look of being afraid of the unknown, the fear
of the past.
“Yes, Ma’am,” she said quietly, glancing back down at the floor. I sighed and ran my hand
through my hair, nervous and not exactly happy that my worst goddamn fear for today was
happening and she was resorting back to that timid broken girl she had been. I didn’t
understand it; there was no fucking reason for it.
“It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Esme said. I glanced over at my
aunt, narrowing my eyes slightly. It dawned on me right then that she’d know whatever
fucking secret it was my father was keeping, as my father told her everything. She was his
confidante, his best friend. Esme harbored so many of my fathers secrets it was ridiculous,
and it was evident she carried this one also. Esme glanced over at me and smiled
mischievously, obviously knowing what I realized. I wanted to fucking know what they
knew, what made Isabella so different.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you also, Mrs. Evanson, ma’am” Isabella said softly. My brow
furrowed for a moment when she called her by her name, as I didn’t recall fucking ever
telling her my aunts married last name, but then I remembered Esme was married to her
former mistresses brother, so of course she’d fucking know their name.
Esme laughed lightly. “Call me Esme, dear. Mrs. Evanson is my mother-in-law, and quite
the wicked witch at that.”
My Dad started laughing loudly. We all glanced over at him but he just shook his head,
obviously not interested in sharing whatever was so fucking funny. He shared a brief
knowingly look with Esme, as they were obviously responding to some inside joke, and
tried to contain himself after a moment. He cleared his throat again, choking back his
laughter, and stood silently, but the corner of his lips kept fighting to turn up. It was odd
seeing him so fucking relaxed and happy, I had to admit it was nice to see that side of him
again. That was the father I fucking loved and admired.
“Anyway,” Esme said. “I’m hungry and exhausted from travelling, so don’t expect me to be
good company tonight.”
Isabella glanced at the clock, her eyes widening slightly. “I, uh… I should start dinner,” she
said quickly. She started to head out of the room but my dad stepped in front of her to stop
her. She glanced up at him, freezing, a look of extreme fear flashing across her face as she
flinched backwards from his appearance in her path. He held his hands up in a sign of
peace when she recoiled away, to show her that he didn’t mean harm. She looked down at
the ground, trembling slightly. I stood there frozen, fucking stunned by her behavior. I
thought for sure she’d grown out of that shit, the constant fear, as she seemed so open
around all of us. I mean, I was afraid of her talking robotic and shit, but I never imagined
she’d try to fucking flee from my father from terror.
“Relax, child,” my dad said hesitantly, obviously also not expecting that reaction. “I was
just going to tell you not to worry about dinner tonight. I’m going to buy pizza,” he said.
Isabella nodded, still glaring down at the ground. Her hands were clenched into fists at her
sides and I could see them shaking.
“May I be excused, mas--, uh, sir?” she asked in a shaky voice. I cringed when she almost
fucking called him master. He sighed.
“Yes, Isabella, you can be excused,” he said quietly. She thanked him softly and bolted out
of the fucking room, running for the goddamn stairs. I stood there and stared at the spot
she’d been standing in, fucking stunned about what just happened. Everyone was quiet for
a moment and I glanced around at them. Jasper and Emmett were looking at me
questioningly, but I just fucking shrugged because I had no idea what the hell had
happened. Esme walked over to my dad and rubbed him on the back lightly. “I should’ve
figured,” he mumbled. She smiled sadly.
“You couldn’t have known. It didn’t even cross my mind that she would,” Esme responded
with softly. I watched them suspiciously, wondering what the fuck they were talking about.
“Couldn’t have known what?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at them. They both looked over
at me with confusion. “And it didn’t cross your mind that she would what? That she’d
fucking run?”
Esme’s confused expression shifted after a moment and she smiled knowingly. I small
surge of panic coursed through me, as Esme could fucking read me and I hadn’t even
goddamn thought about that before hand. I kept my face blank but she just shook her head
lightly, smirking.
“It doesn’t matter right now, we’ll deal with her later,” my dad said. “Just give her some
time. Edward, why don’t you run and grab dinner.”
He turned and walked away, so I knew it wasn’t fucking negotiable. I groaned and ran
upstairs, grabbing my coat and car keys and wallet. Isabella was in her room with the door
shut. I listened in the hallway for a moment, wondering what she was doing, and didn’t
hear any noise. I considered knocking or going in to check on her, but Esme was hungry
and I knew they’d fucking wonder what took me so long. So I just walked away, hoping she
was dealing and sorting through whatever had fucking made her clam up and regress so
much, resigned that I’d talk to her somehow later. I went out and climbed in the Volvo,
driving across town to the pizza place. I grabbed dinner quickly and drove back home. The
atmosphere when I arrived back at the house was less tense, and we sat around talking and
eating for a while. Esme was sharing stories from Chicago and asking us about life here in
Washington, occasionally throwing in a few stories about my father for kicks. She loved
telling stories about dad growing up, trying to fucking embarrass him. He always just
laughed though, as when his sister was around the old side of him that we grew up with
seemed to come back out.
Esme started yawning after a while. “So, I don’t know about you fellas, but this lady needs
some rest,” she said. I smiled.
“You can sleep in my room,” I offered. Esme looked at me with shock and surprise,
obviously not expecting me to fucking volunteer. “And don’t worry, it’s not a mess, and the
sheets are clean so no surprises await you,” I said, winking playfully. Yeah, she knew all
about those fucking girls I used to mess around with.
She laughed, shaking her head. “Isabella must be good, if she’s got tornado alley cleaned
up,” she said playfully. I shrugged.
“She can be pretty goddamn insistent. She doesn’t like things dirty,” I said. Emmett
snorted and fought back laughter, obviously finding something fucking funny about what
I’d said. I glared at him and he tried to contain himself, straighten his face out. He had a
goddamn perverted mind for sure.
“Okay,” Esme said. “Thanks. Are you sure though? Because I can sleep on the couch.”
“I’m sure,” I said. She knew goddamn well we’d never make her sleep on the couch. Usually
she took the guest bedroom and the help was the one put out, but there was no goddamn
way I was doing that to Isabella. I knew I wouldn’t be getting much fucking sleep tonight
anyway, and I could slip into Isabella’s room for a bit anyway, hopefully. If she didn’t lock
the fucking door, that is. “Just don’t go fucking touching anything,” I added quickly. She
laughed.
“Ah, yes, there’s the Edward I know,” she said. My Dad laughed.
“Finicky little fucker,” he said jokingly. I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever, I just like my shit and don’t like people messing with it,” I said. Esme stared at
me for a moment, smiling, but nodded.
“Well, goodnight boys,” she said. She patted Emmett and Jasper on the back, reaching over
and ruffling up my hair with her hand. I groaned and pulled away, which only made her
laugh. She leaned down and kissed my father on the cheek before heading for the stairs.
Dad excused himself, but hesitated to thank me for offering my bed. I nodded and he told
me to sleep wherever the hell I wanted, which I didn’t say shit to because I frankly planned
on it anyway. I sat around with my brothers for a few hours, watching movies, before they
eventually retired to bed. I grabbed my laptop and the new black IPod from my book bag
that was sitting beside the couch, turning them on. The IPod was Isabella’s Christmas
present and I hadn’t had a chance to load it yet, procrastinating like fucking usual, partly
because I had no goddamn idea what music she liked until today. I scrolled through ITunes
and loaded it with a bunch of songs I figured she liked, grabbing my phone and sending
Alice a few text messages, asking her what the fuck girls listened to. She texted me back
some suggestions eventually, which I thanked her for. Yeah, I thanked her—I had fucking
manners somewhat, even if I had goddamn woken her up out of bed to make her help me.
After I had it loaded I tucked it back into my book bag, knowing I’d have to fucking wrap it
in the morning. I put the laptop away and stood up, heading up the stairs. I treaded lightly,
not wanting to be heard, and opened Isabella’s bedroom door quietly. I slipped inside,
noticing right away that she was asleep and had that goddamn light on again. I walked over
and climbed into bed beside her, pulling her to me. She mumbled a bit in her sleep and
snuggled into my chest. I kissed the top of her head briefly and drifted off for a bit, catching
a few hours of sleep.
I woke up again at around 5am and climbed out of her bed. She was still sleeping and I
ventured to guess probably hadn’t woken up at all, so she likely had no fucking clue I’d
even come up here. I kissed her forehead lightly and slipped out of the room, heading back
downstairs. The house was eerily quiet, still dark. I went into the kitchen and grabbed
something to drink, walking back into the foyer and sitting down on the piano bench. I
ghosted my fingertips over the keys briefly, reminiscing on all of those Christmas’s I sat in
front of my piano and played for my mother. I started tinkering around with the Funeral
March after a moment, as I usually fucking did when I sat at the piano. I was playing for a
few minutes when I heard a noise behind me, a step creaking. I cut off mid-note and swung
around quickly, my temper immediately fucking flaring. I froze when I saw Isabella
standing on the bottom step, staring at me with shock. I stared at her for a moment, a little
surprised to see her, but patted the bench beside me after a moment. She looked surprised
but stepped down into the foyer, walking over to me. She sat down carefully beside me,
glancing up and smiling sadly.
“You play beautifully,” she said softly. I smiled lightly.
“Thanks,” I said. She nodded and glanced down at the keys. I took a deep breath, knowing
she was wondering why I stopped, and placed my fingers back on the keys. I started playing
the Funeral March again, needing to finish it because I hated stopping mid-song, and she
listened quietly for a bit, her gaze fixated on my fingers.
“Is that the only song you know?” she asked eventually. I shook my head, rounding out the
last few notes.
“No, I know a lot of songs. I’ve been writing my own since I was a little kid, melodies
swirling around in this fucked up head of mine,” I said. She smiled lightly.
“Did you write that one? It sounds kind of… sad,” she said. I laughed dryly.
“No, I didn’t write it. And it is sad, because it’s the Funeral March. It’s what I was playing
that night,” I said, hoping I didn’t have to clarify any more than that. She nodded and
smiled sympathetically, obviously getting at what I was implying.
“Can you play something else for me?” she asked, her voice sounding hopeful. I had a
sudden surge of irritation flow through me immediately at her question but I fought it
back, knowing I couldn’t fucking go and get mad at her for asking me something like that.
It was irrational and stupid and I needed to learn to deal with my emotions properly,
especially if I was going to share my life with this girl. I glanced over at her after a second
and saw the twinkle in her eye, and couldn’t help but smile.
“Yeah, of course,” I said. I put my hands on the keys and hesitated, but started softly
playing the melody I’d been working on, the one that’s been floating around in my head
since she showed up in my life. It was her song, her lullaby. She’d inspired that shit.
She seemed entranced by it, her eyes sparking as she watched my fingers floating across
the keys. I put my heart and soul into it, because it was all about her and I wanted her to
feel how much I fucking loved her. She closed her eyes after a moment and leaned her head
over to rest on my shoulder. I continued to play for a while before rounding out the notes
and ending it. The foyer fell completely silent and she opened her eyes, lifting her head up
to look at me. “Merry Christmas, la mia bella ragazza,” I whispered. She smiled and
whispered ‘Merry Christmas’ back to me. I stared into her eyes for a moment and started
leaning in, wanting to kiss her, when I heard a step creak behind us. I pulled back quickly
and Isabella stiffened up. My head snapped around and I saw Esme standing on the stairs,
watching us. I groaned softly, wondering how much she fucking saw.
“Am I interrupting?” she asked softly. I shook my head and Isabella stood up from the
bench, heading into the kitchen. Esme walked the rest of the way down the steps into the
foyer, and Isabella came back out of the kitchen with a bottle of water, brushing past us and
heading up the stairs quickly. I sighed as I watched her disappear out of sight, running my
hand through my hair. Esme sat down beside me on the bench, sighing. “That was a
beautiful song. Did you write it?”
I shrugged. “It’s nothing,” I mumbled. She smiled and shook her head.
“Always so talented,” she said softly. “You mother was always proud of that, her little
Mozart.”
I rolled my eyes but didn’t respond. She knew I wouldn’t though, so it didn’t bother her.
“You’re up awfully early,” I said finally. She shrugged.
“So are you,” she said. I smirked. I swear she was so much like my father with evasiveness
that it was ridiculous. She sighed after a moment. “She recognizes me,” she said softly, her
voice laced with a bit of sadness. My brow furrowed in confusion at the random comment.
“Who?” I asked. She glanced over at me and smiled sadly.
“Isabella. That’s what your father and I were referring to yesterday, why she’s acting so
fearful. She recognizes me,” she said.
I sat still for a moment as it dawned on me. Of course fucking Esme would be subjected to
visiting that hell hole in Phoenix because of her husband, so it made sense that Isabella
would’ve seen her there before, which I guess is why she so fucking apprehensive about
her. Anyone in their right goddamn mind would be a bit afraid of someone who mingled
with the motherfuckers that tortured you.
“So you visited the Swans and she saw you? Ever think about fucking helping the poor girl,
saving her from your goddamn lunatic sister-in-law that beat the shit out of her for no
reason? I mean, Christ, aren’t you supposed to be all nurturing and shit, you couldn’t
fucking do anything? What, she isn’t that fucking important to try to help?” I asked,
cocking an eyebrow at her. I knew I couldn’t fucking blame Esme but it pissed me off that
my family just sat around, knowing what was happening to her, and didn’t do a goddamn
thing about it.
Esme sighed, shaking her head. “I wanted to, believe me I did. I talked to Alec about it,
trying to get him to get Jane off her back. But it was out of my hands, Edward, it was a part
of their business and…”
“Yeah Yeah Yeah,” I said, cutting her off quickly. “Gotta keep business and personal
bullshit separate, the code of conduct and all that other fucked up stuff. I know, you don’t
have to fucking try to convince me. Doesn’t make it right though.”
She laughed lightly. “I see you’ve been talking to Aro,” she said. I rolled my eyes but
nodded. “Well, regardless, she’s safe now that your fathers got her.”
I looked over at her suspiciously. “What makes you think she’s safe here?” I asked. She
looked at me with confusion and I laughed dryly. “I mean, have you heard about the mock
execution and the bed bondage bullshit he pulled?”
She sighed, frowning. “Yes, he told me what he did to her. He feels terribly about it too,
nothing like that will ever happen again.”
I shook my head. “How can you be so sure?” I asked. “I mean, I love my father, but he can
be a goddamn loose cannon sometimes.”
She smiled. “Yeah, he can be. But trust me, he’ll never lay a finger on that girl again.”
I looked over at her, narrowing my eyes slightly. “Why?” I asked. She looked at me with
confusion. “What makes her so special that he wouldn’t ever hurt her again?”
She stared at me for a moment before smiling that goddamn knowing smile again. She
shook her head. “Not my secret to tell, sorry.” I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and she
laughed. I was about to argue, wanting to know whose fucking secret it was when she stood
up.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, dashing nephew of mine, there’s a confused girl upstairs that I
need to go have a conversation with.”
Mi sei mancata = I missed you
Chapter 37 Perfection
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an
imperfect person perfectly” - Sam Keen
I sat on the edge of my bed, trembling slightly and tapping my foot against the floor
nervously. I was on edge, so anxious and frightened, feeling confused and unsure of myself.
What in the world was wrong with me, why was I acting this way? I’d never spoken to that
woman before last night, had merely seen her in passing a few times. She’d never done
anything to harm me, so why was I so fearful of her? In fact, she’d never even really
acknowledged my existence before, barely even looked at me. I’d simply seen her face as I
gazed out of the window in the barn in Phoenix when she visited the Swan house. It was
ridiculous for me to be acting so childish and terrified, but something about her presence
here felt like those two worlds were suddenly mixing together. It felt like my old life, the life
of constant pain and torture, was suddenly converging with my new life, the one where I’d
found almost contentment. It was frightening, made me feel like the walls were closing in
on me all of a sudden.
I knew little to nothing about her as a person, but one thing I did know for certain was that
she’d spent time around the people who hurt me, the people who tortured me for fun. I’d
seen her smiling at them, talking to them. Edward had spoken so highly of Esme, assured
me she was a sweet loving woman, but how could someone like that seem so at ease around
vile people like my father and his wife?
I’d been nervous about her coming, as I knew she was related to Jane through marriage,
but it wasn’t until she walked into the living room with Dr. Cullen that it had all dawned on
me. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I laid my eyes on her and I recognized the caramel
collared hair and heart-shaped face. It was irrational, but at that moment it felt almost like
my father had walked through the door, coming into the life I’d started to feel secure and
safe with to turn everything upside down. To torture me again, to make my existence a
living hell. I panicked and reacted upon instinct from that, cowering away and nearly
calling Dr. Cullen my master to his face. I couldn’t even imagine what Edward was
thinking, seeing me treat his family that way. I wondered if it was finally dawning on him
that I was a waste of time, that I’d never be a part of his world. I couldn’t even stand in
front of his aunt, who he promised me was completely harmless, without falling apart.
I stayed in my room all night, crying myself to sleep with the light on, because I knew the
one I loved was downstairs and couldn’t come to me, couldn’t be with me. I didn’t even
know if there ever would be a time when he truly could… if he would even want to
anymore. I needed him desperately, needed his strength, but I simply couldn’t have him. I
had to rely on my own strength, had to rely on myself because Edward couldn’t carry me
through. I couldn’t be so dependant on him, I needed to stand on my own two feet.
The problem, however, was my knees were shaky and I was afraid if I tried to stand on my
feet without a crutch, I’d collapse.
You’d think I’d have been used to standing on my own two feet, having grown up the way I
have, but it was different then. In Phoenix I didn’t have a choice but to stand up and take it.
Here I have a choice. And when you have a choice between facing something difficult and
avoiding it, avoidance tends to win. But I didn’t want to be one of those people who shied
away from situations simply because they may be unpleasant. I didn’t want to be
weak, didn’t want to be a coward. I wanted to be tough, not because I have to be but
because I should be. Because standing up and facing things head on was the right thing to
do, the strong thing to do.
I woke up abruptly to a noise this morning, it sounded somewhat like the clicking of a door
latching, but I couldn’t be for sure. I sat around the room for a moment, glancing over at
the clock and seeing it was a few minutes past 5 am. I hesitated, unsure of what I wanted to
do or even what I was supposed to do, but eventually got up and headed downstairs to be
on the safe side. It was Christmas, and I knew dinner would need to be cooked but no one
had said anything to me about it. Besides mentioning Esme was visiting, very little was ever
mentioned about the actual holiday festivities, so I assumed I was simply supposed to do
what I’d always done in Phoenix for Christmas. It was how they’d handled Thanksgiving,
after all.
I paused when I hit the second floor and heard the piano music filtering up the stairs. It
was the same sad melody I’d heard him play before, the one I’d fallen asleep to on the
steps. I crept down the stairs hesitantly, as he’d told me last time that I could’ve come down
and listened, but I wasn’t sure if that still stood and I didn’t want to disturb him. I didn’t
know what he’d be thinking or feeling, especially after how I’d reacted toward his aunt
yesterday. It was clear she was adored by all of them, and Dr. Cullen had always made it
known that family was important. Had I inadvertently disrespected them all by reacting so
strongly? Would Edward be mad at me, could he possibly even hate me?
The bottom step creaked and I tensed up as his playing stopped abruptly mid-note. He
swung his head around to glare at me and I just stood there, panic rising up at his angry
expression. His face softened after a moment and he motioned for me to join him, which
surprised me a bit. He didn’t seem that upset toward me, maybe a bit irritated in general
though. I sat down beside him and he finished the haunting song, eventually playing
another one for me. The second one was beautiful, so powerful and emotional, full of love
and happiness and wonder. It was stunning how much emotion a song could portray, how
much feeling you could put into the pressing of some keys. It had stirred up all of the love I
felt inside for Edward and I leaned against him, just feeling his warmth and inhaling his
scent, for a brief moment once again feeling that safety and security I so desperately
craved.
But of course it wouldn’t last. He finished the song and whispered sweetly to me, causing
my heart to soar. It was probably irrational for me to think he wouldn’t want me anymore,
but I was still so afraid of it all crashing down, so afraid of losing him. He meant so much to
me, and I’d never really cared about anything in life before like I cared for him. He leaned
in to kiss me after a moment, and my heart started beating rapidly with anticipation. His
lips were always so soft, his mouth minty and sweet, his breath warm. Kissing him was
amazing, my favorite thing. But before our lips could connect the step creaked behind us
and I froze, my heart nearly stalling from fright. Edward pulled away quickly, anger and
fear flashing across his face, and swung around to look at the steps. I turned and saw Esme
standing there, staring at the two of us. I didn’t know her well enough to be able to read her
so I didn’t know what her reaction was, what she was thinking or how much she potentially
saw. I jumped up quickly, grabbing something to drink and practically sprinting up the
stairs back to my bedroom.
And here I sat, trembling and confused and suddenly remembering that I was supposed to
be starting dinner, as that was the reason I’d gone down there in the first place. I was
completely off my game, making mistakes left and right. I realized it would practically be a
miracle if I made it through this day without nearly forcing Dr. Cullen to beat me or chain
me to the bed, because I was bound to continue to be a screw up. If I’d done any of this last
year in Phoenix, I’d probably have been tied to the porch railing and whipped with a belt
until my entire body was bleeding and covered in welts. He would’ve left me there too, for
God knows how long bleeding.
I’d been slacking off a bit lately, I realized that. I made sure the house was always in order,
but I hadn’t truly gone out of my way to do anything more that simply enough to get by.
That wasn’t like me—I was always so meticulous. Dr. Cullen hadn’t said anything about it
though, as I kept him fed when he was here and made sure the house wasn’t in disarray. He
had clean clothes still, and I changed his sheets every Wednesday as usual so he had no real
reason to complain. If I was told to do something, I did it, and I obeyed his rules for the
most part… the only rule I’d found myself breaking is his rule of having no secrets. I was
loyal to his family, as he demanded, and would remain that way but it was clear to me that
Dr. Cullen himself was keeping secrets, and until I could figure out what those were, I had
no choice but to keep my own secrets to be safe. He thankfully hadn’t openly confronted me
about any of my secrets, so I hadn’t had to lie to him. I honestly wasn’t sure what I’d do if
he walked up to me and asked me if Edward and I had a romantic relationship. Would I
keep my secret and lie to him, or would I tell the truth and risk him tearing us apart? I
suppose I’d never know what I’d say unless it happened.
There was a light tap on my door after a moment and my heart started pounding faster, so
hard it was nearly vibrating my body with its force. I felt sick from nerves, my stomach
queasy and weak. I realized the fact that I hadn’t eaten last night wasn’t helping me keep
my strength up. I stood up as they knocked again and walked over to the door, gripping the
knob with a shaky sweaty palm. I turned it and opened the door slowly, alarm coursing
through my system when I saw Esme standing in the hallway. A light smile curved her lips
and I just stood there, gawking at her, unsure of what to say or do. She looked so
completely harmless, kind even, but looking at her reminded me of the past.
“Can I speak to you for a moment?” she asked softly. I nodded hesitantly, having no idea
what she’d want to speak to me for but I knew I couldn’t exactly tell her no and slam the
door in her face. I stepped aside and she walked in the room, glancing around briefly before
taking a seat on my bed. Her posture was relaxed, the complete opposite of how Rosalie’s
had been when she came up here to talk to me. Esme’s entire disposition was one of ease,
and I’d probably be at ease myself around her if she weren’t so familiar of a more sinister
time.
She patted the bed beside her, smiling, indicating I should sit there. I walked over
hesitantly and sat down carefully, chewing my lip nervously. I was trying to stop my hands
from shaking so she wouldn’t see my apprehension, wanting to appear strong and not so
vulnerable.
“I wanted to tell you a story, would you be opposed to that?” she asked softly after a second.
I glanced at her, a bit surprised, but shook my head. She smiled again and there was a
slight twinkle in her eye, some compassion. It reminded me of Edward, that look in her
eyes, the patience and understanding, and it eased my worry a bit.
“Good. Let’s see, where to start,” she said, furrowing her brow. “I suppose way back at the
beginning makes the most sense.”
She glanced at me and I nodded, having no idea what story she was telling me but not
wanting to appear as if I weren’t listening or interested. She nodded in response, sighing.
“Back in the early 70’s trouble was brewing, an underground war of sorts between
organizations. Fighting broke out all over the country, it wasn’t just centered in Chicago,
although Chicago certainly wasn’t safe at the time. Safe houses were set up around the
country and the men sent their families there, to try to get them out of the line of fire. This
house here was one of them, it was where my father sent us.”
She paused and glanced over at me, I assume to gauge whether or not I was listening. I
nodded and she continued.
“I was around 11 at the time, and this was where we met Alec and Jane. Their father was in
the organization with my father and they were sent here for safekeeping. My mother
watched over them, as their own mother refused to be displaced from her home. I don’t
know if you’ve ever been unfortunate enough to have to meet Mrs. Evanson, but she’s quite
crass and self-centered. Horrible woman.”
I smiled, because I had been that unfortunate and had an encounter with her not long after
Charles took over the Swan’s household. She came to have dinner with Jane and she did
nothing but ridicule me the entire time. Never had a nice thing to say about anything.
“Anyway, Carlisle and I hated Jane right off the bat. She was an evil little twit, would
purposely break things and cause trouble, steal from people. She got a kick out of hurting
people, still does. I’m sure you can attest to that,” she said. She glanced over at me
expectantly and I nodded, confirming it. She nodded in response, sighing. “Alec was almost
the complete opposite of Janie. That’s what we called her at the time, Janie… she got the
nickname Crazy Janie eventually, and they still sometimes call her that within the
organization. My husband gets a chuckle out of it. But anyway, I got sidetracked, back to
Alec. He was the type of person who never got into any trouble, always stayed out of the
way and kept to himself. He was quiet, rarely spoke. In fact, when we first met
him Carlisle and I thought he was mute because he didn’t utter a single word for days."
She paused, sighing. "I remember one day we were all out by the river playing and Janie
started throwing rocks, hitting me with them. Alec just stood back and watched us, his face
blank like he was completely oblivious to anything that was going on. We thought he was a
pushover, letting his sister get away with whatever she did. Carlisle wouldn’t stand for it
though, and sprung into protective mode like he usually does and tried to stop her, but
she wouldn’t listen and kept throwing them. So Carlisle picked up a big rock and threw it
right at her, smacking her in the face with it. She started crying and ran back to the house,
tattling about how mean Carlisle was and how he hit her for no reason. My mom got upset,
because the rock Carlisle threw had left a mark, and grabbed one of my father’s belts,
intending to whip Carlisle. My mother isn’t a bad person but she had no problem beating
one of us if we did something wrong. I tried to tell her that it wasn’t Carlisle’s fault but she
ignored me, because she was used to us always sticking together on things. We always had
each other’s backs, my brother and I. She pulled the belt back and was literally about to
contact him with it when Alec spoke. It was out of nowhere and it stunned us all, because
his voice was so calm and commanding. This little boy didn’t say a single word for days,
and the first time he opens his mouth he speaks with authority. He said ‘I don’t think you
should hit him’, and my mother froze and asked him why. Alec said because Carlisle was
only trying to protect his family, and a person should never face punishment for protecting
their own. My mother just stared at him for a moment before letting Carlisle go.”
She laughed lightly to herself, shaking her head. “And that’s my husband. He minds his
own business, rarely intervenes, but when he speaks up you listen. He’s not as heartless as
he comes off as, but he runs on logic and not emotions and allows people an opportunity to
fight their own battles, to work things out themselves before he butts in. And he doesn’t
like having to butt in, so he won’t unless he feels there’s no other option.”
She sighed. “You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this, right?” she asked,
glancing over at me. I nodded hesitantly and she smiled sympathetically. “I know you
recognize me, that you’ve seen me in Phoenix before at the Swan’s residence, and that’s
why you were so frightened yesterday when I walked in. But I want you to know that I’m
not like them, that my husband isn’t like them. We, too, deal with people we don’t want to,
sometimes putting on masks, grinning and bearing it for the sake of appearances. I want
you to know that I did everything I could’ve possibly done back then to try to help you, as I
knew how Janie was. But my husband, he didn’t feel like it was his place to remove you,
didn’t feel like we should intervene. But I want you to know that he kept an eye on you,
because that’s what he does. He watches. And when he knew Janie hit her breaking point
and wanted you gone, he spoke up and told her she couldn’t kill you because he felt she
would if it continued. And like I said, when he speaks up, people listen… even that
wretched newt of a sister of his.”
I stared at her with surprise and she smiled. “If only I could get him to speak up more
often, we’d be in business, but that’s just who my husband is. It’s what you understand
when you involve yourself with a man who grew up in this life. They have flaws, they resort
to violence and do unsavory things sometimes, things that most women would be ashamed
of their husbands doing, but not us. We understand that it’s ingrained in them, just as
things are ingrained in us. I’ve accepted Alec for who he is, never tried to change the core
person inside. Elizabeth was the same way, she wasn’t always happy with Carlisle’s life but
she endured it because she loved him. She accepted him for who he was, just as I’m quite
sure you accept Edward.”
My eyes widened slightly at the mention of Edward, a small surge of alarm whooshing
through me. I wasn’t sure how to react, what to say to that, or exactly what she was getting
at with that statement. Did she know about us, had she figured it out? Had she seen more
downstairs than I thought? I tried to keep my expression blank so not to give anything
away if she didn’t know, but she stared at me expectantly, obviously awaiting some sort of
response.
“I accept all the Cullen boys for who they are,” I said hesitantly. She laughed lightly at my
statement, shaking her head.
“I’m sure you do Isabella,” she said, sounding slightly amused. “My nephews are amazing
kids, I’m blessed to have them in my life. And I know it’s terribly wrong of me to play
favorites, but I have to confess I’m quite partial to the one sitting downstairs in front of his
piano. He’s got a gentle soul underneath all of that armor that he wears, and it’s nice to see
someone finally crack through it.”
I nodded, my heart pounding frantically. I didn’t exactly want to give her any verbal
confirmation but it was clear from her words that she definitely had us figured out. “He’s…
nice,” I said finally. Her smile grew.
“Yes, he is,” she said. She gazed at me for a moment, her expression soft and loving. It was
startling seeing her looking at me that way, and I realized that if I hadn’t panicked earlier I
would’ve seen sooner that she wasn’t like Charles and Jane. “Enough about Edward
though, as I’m sure he won’t be too happy if we gossiped about him. He’s got a bit of a
temper, ya know,” she said playfully. I smiled and nodded. “Anyway, back to the subject. I
just want you to know that I don’t mean you any harm, and I don’t want you to place me on
the same level as those vile creatures in Phoenix, as I don’t like them any more than you do.
I completely understand if you’re still uncomfortable around me, because of the fact that I
was aware of what you had to undergo and didn’t step in, but I want you to know that I
wanted to. It was simply out of my hands. I did what I personally could, and I feel what you
were made to endure was completely wrong and unforgivable. Okay?”
I nodded. “I understand. And I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you and how I responded
toward your presence,” I said softly, feeling bad for how I reacted. She smiled caringly,
shrugging.
“It’s fine. I just didn’t want your holiday to be ruined because of my being here. I want you
to enjoy yourself, as I know you’ve never gotten to celebrate a Christmas before,” she said. I
smiled, feeling grateful. Esme was clearly a nice person, just as Edward had stated she was,
and it was obvious I’d extremely overreacted.
“Thank you. For telling me all of that,” I said. She nodded, reaching her hand out and
stroking my hair gently. I tensed up a bit, as it felt motherly and reminded me once again of
that guilt I felt for being without my own mother this year. I could picture her sitting in that
window, utterly alone, staring at the Christmas decorations and desperate to join in. “Can…
uh… can I ask you something?” I asked tentatively after a moment. Her eyes widened
slightly with surprise and she nodded enthusiastically.
“Of course you can,” she said, beaming. I smiled in response to her obvious joy. It was
slightly odd that me simply wanting to ask her a question caused her to light up.
“Have you been to Phoenix lately?” I asked. I stared at her imploringly, desperate to know
how my mother was but a part of me afraid of the answer. She smiled sadly.
“I myself haven’t, but I’ve heard from Carlisle that your mother’s doing as well as can be
expected, given the situation,” she said softly, obviously knowing why I was asking. It took
a moment before her words truly absorbed and my brow furrowed in confusion.
“Dr. Cullen’s been to Phoenix?” I asked with surprise. She nodded.
“Once, as far as I know. Him and Alec went together,” she said. I nodded and blinked a few
times, slightly stunned. I couldn’t deny it hurt a tad bit, knowing Dr. Cullen had gone to
Phoenix and saw my mother, but I realized it was irrational to be hurt by that. He had no
reason to tell me about it, he had no obligation to me. He was my master and I was his
slave when it boiled down to it, and I couldn’t allow my emotions to get wrapped up in that.
“Thank you, for telling me,” I said quietly finally.
“Sure,” she said softly. She sat there for a moment gazing at me, the looks she was giving
me making me slightly uncomfortable. “I should probably go start on dinner,” she said
finally. My eyes widened with shock and I jumped up quickly, another bout panic surging
through me. I’d completely forgotten dinner once again.
“Oh no, I’m sorry, I should’ve already started it!!” I said frantically, hoping they wouldn’t
be too upset. She laughed and I looked at her with confusion, unsure of my she was
reacting that way.
“Relax, little one. Christmas dinner is my gig, I do it every year. In fact, I look forward to
it,” she said.
“What?” I asked, blinking a few times. I heard every word she’d said but it was a little hard
to comprehend. She smiled, shaking her head.
“I said dinner is my job today. Your job is to simply be yourself and have fun. Do you think
you can handle that?” she asked. I stared at her for a moment before nodding hesitantly,
still a little caught off guard. She smiled and stood up, reaching over and patting me on the
back lightly. “Good. I’ll see you downstairs.”
She walked over to the door and I watched as she stepped out into the hallway,
disappearing from sight. I stood there and gazed down at the ground, slightly stunned
about everything and trying to absorb it all. I heard a door after a moment and I glanced up
to see Edward step out of his bedroom, holding a present in his hand. He froze and stared
at me briefly, looking slightly worried.
He glanced down the hallway briefly before walking across the hall and into my room. He
reached behind him and pushed the door shut quite hard, causing it to slam slightly loud
and vibrate the walls. He tossed the present down on my couch and headed straight for me,
no hesitation in his step. His frantic movements caught me slightly off guard and I took a
few steps back instinctively, the back of my knees hitting the bed. My reaction didn’t deter
him thought, as the moment he reached where I was standing he wrapped his arms around
me and pressed his mouth to mine forcefully. I fell backwards onto the bed and he came
down on top of me, kissing me frenetically. My breathing started growing erratic as his
tongue shot out, mingling with mine desperately, and I reached up and gripped onto his
hair. He growled lightly and deepened the kiss even more when I tugged on his messy
bronze locks. He brought my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked on it briefly before
biting down lightly. It stunned me for a moment, as it felt slightly animalistic, his reaction
almost primal. He felt me tense up from surprise and pulled from my lips instantly.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice gritty, his breathing just as erratic as mine. I moaned lightly,
the sound of his yearning sending tingling shooting through me. I was caught a bit of guard
by his behavior but it wasn’t a negative reaction. In fact, I felt a sudden urgency for him, my
skin prickling from the electricity, my body warming from desire.
“Don’t be sorry,” I said. “Just surprised.”
“Good,” he said, nuzzling into my neck and starting to place wet kisses along it. I moaned
lightly and threw my head back to give him better access. “Are you okay? I’ve been
worried,” he breathed into my neck, his breath fanning across the wet spots. I shivered and
felt wetness start pooling between my legs.
I sighed. “I’m okay, just overreacted. Sorry to worry you,” I said breathlessly. He hummed
against my neck in response, the vibration of his lips causing goose bumps to spring up
across my body.
“I think she knows,” he said quietly, bringing his mouth up and kissing along my jaw line.
He didn’t have to specify, I knew what he was talking about.
“I know she knows. She hinted at it, but… uh…” I paused as he nipped at my chin lightly
with his teeth before pressing his lips to mine again, forcefully. I kissed him back with
every ounce of passion I could muster, wrapping my arms around him tightly. He pressed
his body against mine and I could feel the hardness in his pants.
“Fuck it,” he said finally, pulling back from my mouth, breathing heavily. He nipped at my
chin again. “There’s nothing we can do about it now. I don’t know if she’ll say anything to
my father but if she does, we’ll deal with it.”
I hummed in response, nodding my head slightly. “She didn’t seem upset about it at least,”
I said, trying to catch my breath. Edward sighed and pulled himself up further. I released
my hold on him and he rolled over, lying on the bed beside me.
“Yeah, I know. And Christ, I’m sorry I just attacked you like that but it felt like goddamn
forever since I’ve kissed you,” he said. I laughed lightly, rolling over onto my side to face
him. He rolled over to face me and smiled, leaning in to place a soft innocent kiss on my
lips.
“No need to apologize. I liked it,” I said. He raised his eyebrows and smirked.
“Did you, now? Hmmm,” he said, reaching his pointer finger up and running it across my
bottom lip lightly. It was slightly swollen from the force of his kiss. “Maybe we’ll pick that
up later tonight. But we should probably head downstairs soon, I know my Dad’s probably
up and they’ll want to do presents and shit. ”
I nodded hesitantly and sat up, slightly nervous. I was completely out of my element with
the Christmas stuff, anxiety coursing through me. I wasn’t exactly fearful of seeing Esme
again, not after she’d personally assured me she wasn’t here to harm me, but I was scared
the family wouldn’t like their gifts and a bit nervous about opening presents from them. It
felt slightly wrong in a way, them giving me stuff, and I hated being the center of attention.
Edward pulled himself up off the bed, standing up and stretching. “I want you to open mine
up here,” he said, walking over to the couch and grabbing the present he’d tossed down
when he came in. He walked back over to me and sat down beside me on the bed again. He
held the small box out to me and I took it carefully, my nerves acting up even more and my
hands trembling slightly. I brought my bottom lip into my mouth, grazing it with my teeth,
but winced a bit because of it already being swollen. I glanced over at Edward and he
smiled sympathetically. “Just open it, it’s not a big deal.”
I nodded and turned back to the present. It was hard finding a spot to start at, as he used so
much tape to seal it up. He laughed, obviously amused by it, and I laughed because it was
seriously a waste how much tape and paper he had used but I wouldn’t criticize him for it.
Like Esme said, I’d accept Edward, quirks and all. I finally found a piece I could rip and
started undoing the wrapping paper, sitting it down on the bed beside me. After the paper
was off I popped the piece of tape off the small box and opened it carefully, glancing inside.
My brow furrowed with confusion for a moment before my eyes widened with shock when I
realized it was a music player like the one Edward had. I looked over at him with surprise
and he smiled lightly.
“These have to be expensive,” I said, slightly stunned that he’d spent so much money. He
rolled his eyes, reaching over and grabbing the box from me.
“First rule of Christmas, tesoro. You never inquire as to how much people paid for things,”
he said, pulling the music player out of the box. He scooted slightly closer to me and
smiled. “And no, it wasn’t that expensive so relax. I loaded it with music for you, shit I
assumed you liked since you listened to it in my car, and Alice helped pick out some shit
girls like these days. I dunno, whatever, you can delete whatever you don’t like. I wanted to
buy you jewelry but knew that would be the biggest goddamn red flag in the world, if you
start walking around the house wearing diamonds and my father gets the credit card bill
and sees a charge from me at fucking Tiffany’s or whatever. But music means a lot to me,
and I figured it would come in handy when you’re cleaning and shit, and you know…”
I stared at him with shock as he rambled on, realizing he was nervous about the present. It
was slightly startling but made me feel a bit better, knowing I wasn’t the only one anxious
about it all. He was fiddling around with the music player and I reached over, putting my
hand on top of it. He stopped talking and glanced up at me, a bit of apprehension in his
eyes. I smiled brightly and it seemed to disappear as he returned my smile.
“Thank you. It’s perfect,” I said. He rolled his eyes but continued to smile, obviously
pleased that I was happy.
“It’s not what I wished I could give you, but…” he started. I reached up and pressed my
pointer to his lips, silencing him. He quieted and I leaned it, removing my finger and
pressed my lips to his gently.
“It’s perfect,” I whispered against his mouth, because it truly was. It was so utterly and
genuinely Edward. Music meant a lot to him and he was trying to share that part of him
with me, and that meant a lot to me.
I pulled back from him, taking the music player from his hands and sitting it down beside
me. I stood up carefully and walked to the other side of the bed, hesitating briefly. My
nerves were running amuck again and I briefly reconsidered what I was doing, knowing I
didn’t have to and he’d never know anything about it. But he’d essentially put himself out
there for me twice today, giving me the gift of something as sacred to him as music both
times, and I wanted to return the gesture.
He was eyeing me skeptically, clearly unsure of what I was doing. I smiled lightly. “I, uh… I
drew you something,” I said softly. His eyes widened with surprise at first before he
smirked, his face practically lighting up. It made my heart start pounding harder, my
anxiety over whether or not he’d like it growing.
“I thought you forgot,” he said. I smiled and shook my head.
“I never forget, Edward,” I said. He chuckled and nodded, running his hand through his
hair.
“I’ll keep that in mind later when I fuck up, since it’s bound to happen eventually,” he said
playfully. I laughed lightly and opened the drawer on the stand beside my bed, pulling the
piece of white paper out. I closed the drawer and glanced down at the drawing, holding it
so he couldn’t see it yet. I started chewing on my lip, my hand trembling again as I stared at
it.
“It’s, uh… I mean, it’s not that great,” I said nervously. He sighed.
“I’m sure it’s beautiful, baby,” he said softly. I glanced up at him and saw his expression
was soft, understanding, but his eyes were dancing with apparent excitement. I sighed,
resigned that there would be no backing out now, and handed the paper out to him. He
smirked and took it quickly, turning it over and glancing at the paper. I sat down carefully
on the bed, watching him, and saw his eyes widened slightly as he gazed at the picture.
I had queasiness in the pit of my stomach and I swallowed a few times, trying to push the
nerves back before it forced me to run to the bathroom and throw up. Besides my mother,
no one ever really saw anything I drew before. My mother always gushed about how
talented I was but she was my mother, wasn’t she supposed to say stuff like that? I was
afraid she was just saying it to try to make me feel good when in actuality I lacked all talent.
He was quiet, almost too quiet as he stared at it. I sighed and closed my eyes, regretting
almost instantly giving it to him. All I’d seen when drawing it had been imperfections, but
all I ever really saw were the imperfections. I felt the drawing was plain, but then again I
always felt that way about the subject also. I debated drawing different things for a while,
like him or his car or his piano, before finally settling on \ a picture of myself. It had
seemed wrong at the time, almost like I was vain, but he’d given me a picture of himself
and I decided to return that gesture.
But now… now that he was staring at it so intensely, I was second-guessing that decision.
“Jesus Christ,” he said after a moment, his voice laced with shock. I peeked my eyes back
open and saw him staring at me intently, his eyes wide and expression completely serious. I
frowned.
“I told you it wasn’t that good,” I said, my voice shaking. His brow furrowed for a moment
before his eyes widened again.
“Fuck, Bella, this is amazing! I’m goddamn speechless here and you think it sucks? This is
stunning. You’ve got real goddamn talent,” he said matter-of-factly. I stared at him for a
moment.
“Really?” I asked hesitantly. He laughed dryly, glancing down at the picture and running
his hand through his hair.
“Yes, really. This is the greatest fucking thing anyone’s ever done for me, the best present
I’ve ever gotten. You are seriously goddamn amazing, you have to see that,” he said.
I blinked a few times and felt my eyes welling up with tears. “I, uh…” I started, somewhat
stunned by his intense reaction. “I was going to draw your car,” I muttered, unsure of what
to say, feeling a bit overwhelmed by his reaction.
“And I’m sure that would’ve been just as goddamn good, but this is perfect. I told you I
wanted you for Christmas and you gave it to me. I couldn’t have imagined a better thing to
draw. This is fucking beautiful. You are fucking beautiful,” he said. He sat the paper down
on the bed and leaned over, cupping my cheek with his palm and pressing his lips to mine.
He kissed me softly and sweetly, the kiss full of love and adoration. I closed my eyes and
moaned into his mouth, which he countered with a throaty moan of his own.
“We should head downstairs,” he said as he pulled back from me. I opened my eyes and
gazed at him. My nerves spiked at the mention of going downstairs again, but he smiled
reassuringly which seemed to push them back. I nodded and we stood up, heading for the
door. He paused halfway there and doubled back, grabbing his picture. He walked across
the hall, into his room, and sat it down on his desk. “I’m framing that shit,” he said with a
wink when he walked back out. I blushed and smiled, stunned at how much he seemed to
truly like it, and he chuckled. He headed for the steps and I followed behind him, keeping a
bit of distance between us.
He hit the second floor and I heard a loud yell, which caused me to freeze. Edward also
froze and yelled “Fuck” loudly, before out of nowhere a form appeared and plowed right
into him. I watched with shock as Emmett tackled him, throwing him to the ground,
laughing. Edward groaned loudly as he hit the floor with a thud and Emmett landed on top
of him. “Buon natale, little bro!” Emmett declared loudly, his voice filled with enthusiasm.
“Fuck you, get off me,” Edward yelled. There was amusement in his voice so I knew he
wasn’t really upset or hurt. I walked the last few steps down to the second floor and heard a
chuckle from the other side of the hall. I glanced over and saw Dr. Cullen leaning up
against the doorframe to his bedroom, dressed casually in slacks and a button up shirt with
the sleeves rolled up and the top few buttons undone. He had his arms crossed over his
chest and was shaking his head, but obviously amused.
“Emmett, don’t hurt your brother. He’ll be all pissy today if he’s injured and can’t play in
the snow,” Dr. Cullen said. My brow furrowed and the boys stopped wrestling, both
freezing and staring at Dr. Cullen.
“Snow?” they both said at the same time. I laughed, and both boys yelled out “Jinx!” once
again in harmony. Dr. Cullen started laughing, as did Emmett.
“I said that shit first,” Emmett yelled. Edward groaned.
“Did not, goddamnit! And get the fuck off of me,” he said, freeing his arm and sucker
punching Emmett in the stomach. Emmett groaned and collapsed on top of Edward, which
caused him to groan loudly at the added weight.
“Woah, what’s going on here?” Jasper said, walking up the steps to the second floor. He
looked at his brothers skeptically, as Emmett was still pinning Edward down and Edward
was yelling out random profanities.
“Evidently your brothers were unaware that it snowed,” Dr. Cullen said, shrugging.
Emmett’s head perked up at that word again and he finally got up off of Edward. He held
his hand out to help his brother up, but Edward just smacked it out of the way and got up
on his own.
“Did it seriously snow?” Emmett asked, his voice full of hope. Edward smirked and glanced
over at me briefly.
“Yes,” Dr. Cullen said simply. Emmett looked at him distrustfully, like he didn’t believe him
for some reason, and Dr. Cullen rolled his eyes. “Go look if you don’t believe me.”
Emmett smiled and ran for the steps, jumping on the banister and sliding down it. Jasper
shook his head and walked into his room, chuckling. “I swear, I don’t know about that boy
sometimes,” Dr. Cullen mumbled under his breath. I laughed and Dr. Cullen glanced over
at me, smiling lightly and shaking his head. He glanced at Edward briefly, smiling, before
his eyes returned to me. “Buon natale. Merry Christmas, both of you. Your first Christmas
and your first snow, hell of a day, huh?” he asked, looking at me.
I smiled and nodded. “Merry Christmas to you also, sir. And thank you.”
“For?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
“For including me,” I said. He smiled.
“Of course, dolcezza, wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said softly. He reached over and
rubbed my upper back gently, almost in a fatherly way, and glanced back at Edward briefly
before heading for the stairs down to the foyer. Edward and I stood there quietly for a
moment before he sighed, running his hand through his hair.
“I swear he’s fucking bipolar or something,” he mumbled. I laughed, shaking my head.
“Split personalities? Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?” I asked. Edward chuckled, nodding.
“Goddamn right. He changes moods so quick he’s gonna give me whiplash,” he said. “How
the fuck are you supposed to keep up with that shit?” I smiled, shrugging.
“I suppose maybe you don’t. You should just enjoy Dr. Jekyll while he’s here, and hope Mr.
Hyde doesn’t appear today,” I said. Edward smiled.
“Yeah, let’s fucking hope. By the way, have you ever read that book or seen the movie, or is
it just another piece of fucking knowledge you picked up from Jeopardy?” he asked.
“Jeopardy,” I said, smiling sheepishly. It was amazing how much you could learn in 30
minutes watching TV. Edward chuckled.
“Do you know what the evil side’s first name was?” he asked. I shook my head no hesitantly
and he smirked. He glanced around the floor quickly, eyeing the stairs to make sure we
weren’t going to be walking in on, and walked over toward me. He came up behind me and
leaned down, his lips right beside my ear. “Edward,” he said softly, leaning down further.
He brushed my hair aside and placed a small kiss at the nape of my neck before sunk his
teeth into me, not enough to hurt but enough to startle me. I jumped and yelped, and he
laughed, pulling away.
He winked at me and turned around, nearly sprinting down the stairs. I heard him yell
again, another profanity, when he hit the foyer, and Emmett laughed immediately. I shook
my head, slightly stunned at all of their behavior. I started toward the stairs and Jasper
walked out of his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He smiled at me and walked
over, putting his arm over my shoulder and walking down the steps with me.
“Merry Christmas, Miss Isabella,” he said. “Have you seen the snow yet?” I smiled.
“Merry Christmas to you also, Jasper,” I said. “And, no. I’ve actually never seen snow
before.”
His eyes widened in surprise as we hit the foyer. “Well then, we’re going to have to rectify
that, darling,” he said. I started to head for the kitchen but he kept a hold of me, detouring
me toward the living room. I glanced up and froze, my eyes widening with shock when they
fell upon the large window. The entire back yard was encased in white; the only green
visible was random segments of tree branches. I stared at it with shock, watching the thick
white round flakes coming down from the sky. “We rarely get this much snow around here
because of the elevation. Beautiful, isn’t it?” Jasper asked softly.
I stared at the window, completely overwhelmed. Beautiful didn’t even cover it. It was
stunning and I was utterly captivated, transfixed by how gorgeous it appeared. It looked
almost like a scene from a movie or a striking painting. “It’s perfect,” I whispered, walking
over to the window. I pressed my hand to the glass and stared out at the snow falling for a
moment before a throat cleared behind me. I turned around and saw everyone had
gathered in the living room while I was in my trance, mesmerized by the snow. They were
all watching me, all of their expressions startling. They were all smiling, but there was a bit
of worry and compassion in their eyes. My brow furrowed and I blinked a few times,
realizing I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I reached my hand up and brushed them
away quickly, smiling sheepishly. I cleared my throat, surprised by my reaction.
“Sorry,” I said, not entirely comfortable being the center of attention, feeling like I was
causing a scene.
“No need to apologize, dear,” Esme chimed in with quickly.
“Yeah,” Dr. Cullen said. “Why don’t we go ahead and open presents?”
Emmett yelled out enthusiastically and I laughed, as he obviously was excited for
Christmas. I noticed the presents were all under the tree and realized Edward must’ve
brought ours down at some point. I walked over and sat down on the couch, my nerves
flaring back up. Edward glanced at me and hesitated, but walked over and sat down beside
me. “Relax,” he whispered. I smiled lightly and nodded.
Dr. Cullen started handing out presents and I was stunned when he sat four down in front
of me. My brow furrowed in confusion, because Edward had already given me my present.
It struck me after a moment and my eyes widened in horror. “I didn’t get Esme anything,” I
said under my breath to Edward. He shrugged nonchalantly.
“She doesn’t expect anything,” he said. I sighed, feeling bad, but I knew there was really
nothing I could do about it now. I grabbed the present on the top and squinted, reading the
tag. I recognized Emmett’s name and smiled, glancing up at him. He was digging into his
presents excitedly, looking so juvenile and silly at the moment. I caught sight of Dr. Cullen
from the corner of my eye and looked over at him. He was watching me carefully and
smiled when I met his eyes. I returned his smile but looked away quickly, as it was a bit
awkward how nice he was being to me.
I opened up the present from Emmett, and started laughing when I saw it was a Shrek
Monopoly game. I knew what Monopoly was, as Charles owned the original version, but of
course Emmett would buy Shrek since we’d watched the movies together. Emmett glanced
up at me and grinned.
“That’s for me and you to play, kitten. These douches might teach you to read but I’m
gonna teach you to use money and shit,” he said. I smiled brightly and heard Edward
groan.
“You’re the last fucking person she needs to teach her about money through monopoly. You
goddamn cheat, rip the fucking bank off,” he said. Emmett laughed loudly.
“I do not, you’re just mad that you suck at it,” Emmett said. I giggled and sat the game
aside, quickly thanking Emmett for it. The two of them continued to trade jabs over
monopoly, accusing each other of cheating and being sore losers. I glanced at the second
present, squinting and reading Jaspers name. I opened it carefully and smiled when I saw
it was a box full of art supplies and writing tablets and sketchbooks. I glanced up at Jasper
and smiled, thanking him. He nodded and smiled.
“You’re very welcome,” he said politely. I sat the box aside and picked up the third present,
reading Esme’s name. I sighed and started tearing off the paper, slightly more nervous
about this one than the others. I opened the box and gasped when I saw it was a fancy
looking camera and a blank photo album. I glanced up and stared at her with shock,
stunned that she’d buy me something so expensive. She smiled sweetly.
“I figured you’d like it. I’m sure one of the boys can help you figure the camera out and get
the pictures printed,” she said. I nodded and felt tears welling up in my eyes, overwhelmed
by all of their generosity. I whispered thank you, my voice cracking as a tear slipped down
my cheek. Edward reached over and rubbed my back gently, stunning me because his
father was sitting in the room, but I tried not to react to it. I thought maybe if I made it look
like no big deal, Dr. Cullen would simply shrug it off. I sat Esme’s present aside and picked
up the one from Dr. Cullen, which was actually quite heavy. I opened it and blinked a few
times, surprised when I saw it was full of books. I glanced up at Dr. Cullen and he smiled.
“Most of the books in the library are quite old, so I figured you’d like some newer options,”
he said. I nodded, overjoyed by his thoughtfulness, and thanked him. He simply nodded in
response.
They all seemed pleased when they opened up the presents I’d gotten them. I had to admit,
shopping had been quite intimidating at first, but once I loosened up and realized Edward
wasn’t going to leave me alone around a bunch of strangers I had a good time. I’d never
been in a mall before and was so astounded at how much stuff there was that you could
buy, how many different options there were. It was quite amazing, but at the same time
completely overwhelming. He’d been a big help though, so patient and understanding with
me. The entire day I felt almost normal, like I was simply a 16-year-old girl out in the world
with her boyfriend, just enjoying the small things that life has to offer. And he’d treated me
like his girlfriend all day, kissing me and hugging me and constantly reassuring me. I
hadn’t realized it before, but I’d been in desperate need of that type of attention from him.
Despite the fact that I knew we had to be careful around his father, it still hurt a part deep
down inside of me when he’d act cold and distant, constantly pulling away from me. He
hadn’t done it at all while we were shopping, not even when some of his friends from school
saw him. I realized they were nice people and that Edward must’ve trusted them to a
degree to allow our relationship to be exposed to them, but it was nice finally to just let
someone see. It felt marvelous to just be together for once, not worrying about anyone else.
I promised Jasper that I’d learn to play chess with him, and assured Emmett that he could
play a song for me on his guitar. Their joy was genuine and it warmed my heart to feel
almost like a part of them, like I truly belonged. Dr. Cullen had even smiled warmly and
thanked me for his gift, telling me it was unnecessary but he was flattered that I’d think of
him. My master, telling me that he was flattered that I did something for him? It was
staggering.
Despite the miraculous morning, there was still that other part of me, that small side that
felt nothing but pure guilt about it all. My mind kept wandering to my mother, as I
wondered what she was doing today. As I gazed around at the living room littered with
wrapping paper, the presents scattered around, the plates of cookies and snacks we were
munching on, I felt almost as if I were betraying her. When I thought about the fact that
someone else was cooking dinner, that I was free to spend the day doing nothing but
enjoying my presents and watching Christmas shows, I felt disgusted with my behavior.
And when I saw Esme’s face, and remembered that small musty barn I’d sat in and gazed at
her out of, I felt almost sickened knowing that’s likely where my mother was. Gazing out
from the small dank barn, desperately wishing for more. Desperately wishing for what I
now had.
What kind of daughter was I? Why was it I’d gotten this lucky and not her? She’d endured
much more than me, she’d suffered more than I had. Why wasn’t she somewhere better,
why wasn’t she eating sugar cookies and watching silly cartoons and listening to someone
ramble off a ridiculous version of Jingle Bells? I didn’t feel like I deserved it, I hadn’t done
anything to earn it. She’d fought for over 30 years and survived, endured abuse and raised
a child the best she could in deplorable conditions. Why couldn’t she catch a break? Why
couldn’t it be her here?
I’d been so lost in my head that I hadn’t even noticed that people started filtering out of the
room until Edward’s hand drifted over onto me. He squeezed my knee and I jumped,
startled. He looked at me questioningly, obviously not expecting my reaction.
“Are you okay, baby?” he asked softly. “You look kind of upset.” I smiled sadly, shrugging.
“Just, uh, thinking about my mother,” I said softly. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes
and tried to fight them back, not wanting to cry. Edward sighed and put his arm around
me, pulling me to his chest. I snuggled into him and he leaned over, kissing the top of my
head.
“I understand, I miss my mother too. She always loved Christmas,” he said softly leaning
his head over and laying it against mine. We were both quiet for a moment and I started to
feel even worse, whining about my mother when she was alive out there somewhere.
Edward’s mother was gone from the world for good. He had more of a right to be upset
than me, and he seemed to be holding himself together quite well.
“We’re not being very careful,” I mumbled, knowing his father could walk in at any
moment and see us like this. He sighed, murmuring in agreement but not making a move
to let go of me.
“So where is everyone?” I asked eventually. Edward shrugged.
“Jasper and Emmett went to pick up Alice and Rosalie. You must’ve really been in a daze
because they seriously talked about it for like twenty goddamn minutes. Dad went to his
office and Esme’s around here somewhere,” he said. I nodded in response and pulled my
head up, sitting up. He removed his arm from around me and sighed, running his hand
through his hair.
We sat quietly for a while, just staring at the TV. I wasn’t really focusing on the program, as
my mind was still engrossed in thoughts of the past. Esme walked in the room after a bit
and glanced over at us, smiling lightly.
“You kiddos okay?” she asked softly. I smiled and nodded, but Edward just shrugged. Esme
sighed and frowned, glancing toward the foyer briefly before walking over to us. She
squatted down in front of Edward, gazing at him lovingly. He stared at her for a moment
and she smiled. “Tira più un carro di figa che un pelo di bue,” she said, her tone sounding
almost playful.
Edward started laughing and Esme glanced over at me briefly, smiling. Edward shook his
head, cutting his eyes at me momentarily. “Indeed, Esme. Indeed,” he said, smiling.
Esme’s smile brightened and she nudged his chin with her fist. “Chin up, cowboy,” she said.
She reached over and patted my leg briefly before standing back up and walking out of the
room. I looked over at Edward with confusion and he smiled but didn’t say anything.
“Are you not going to translate for me?” I asked hesitantly. He chuckled, shaking his head.
“She essentially just said that a man would do anything for the love of a woman,” he said.
“Just in some more colorful words.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly, wondering what those more colorful words were as Esme
didn’t seem like the type to speak vulgarly, but Edward appeared to be done with the
subject. He reached across me and grabbed the camera Esme had purchased for me,
opening it up. I watched as he loaded it with batteries and started fiddling around with it.
He figured out how to operate it and started showing me when the front door opened and
laughter rang through the house. Alice came bounding in the room, nearly sprinting.
“Merry Christmas, Edward, Isabella!” she said, her voice chipper, her face glowing with
excitement. She ran over and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing tightly. It stunned
me a bit but I squeezed her back, mumbling Merry Christmas. She let go of me and smiled
brightly before wrapping her arms around Edward. He chuckled and squeezed her back.
Rosalie walked in the room, calm and collected as usual, and sat down gingerly in the chair
across from us. She crossed her legs and started swinging her foot almost impatiently. She
was smirking mischievously, which worried me a tad bit. I’d seen her a few times since that
day we spoke in my bedroom and she’d always been polite and friendly, almost accepting of
me, but something about the smile set my nerves on edge. Jasper and Emmett walked in
the room after a moment and sat some presents down on the table. Rosalie’s smirk grew
and she cleared her throat, snatching a present off the table.
“Can I speak to you in your room for a moment, Isabella?” she asked. I tensed up slightly,
unsure of what she’d want to see me alone for. She didn’t sound upset at all, a bit amused if
anything, but she still had that smirk grazing her lips. I nodded hesitantly and glanced at
Edward briefly before standing up. Rosalie headed out of the room without another word
and started for the stairs, ascending them slowly. I followed behind her, my anxiety
growing with every step. We got to my room and she opened the door, stepping inside and
pausing. I walked inside and shut the door carefully, eyeing her warily.
“I thought you’d prefer to be alone when you opened this,” she said, that amusement still
evident. My eyes widened slightly and I took the present she held out to me. I walked over
and sat down on my bed, nervously starting to tear the paper off. She stood back and
crossed her arms over her chest, smirking. I put the paper aside and eyed the package
warily, reading it.
“Waterproof personal massager?” I said after a moment. Rosalie laughed.
“Indeed. I have one myself, perfect for the bathtub, gives amazing orgasms,” she said
nonchalantly. I gasped, stunned by her words, and dropped the package. It fell to the floor
and she started laughing, walking over and bending down to pick it back up. She held it out
to me and I took it carefully, my hand trembling a bit. “It won’t bite you. I personally say all
girls should own one of these. A girl needs to get her rocks off sometimes, honey, and those
boys downstairs aren’t always convenient.”
I just gaped at her for a moment, stunned. I finally glanced down at the package in my
hand and eyed it carefully. “So this is, uh… I mean… yeah,” I mumbled, blushing. She
laughed.
“Yes, it is,” she said. “Like I said, I figured you’d want to open it in private.”
My blush deepened and I nodded. I stood up after a moment and glanced around,
debating, before walking over and opening my underwear drawer. I slipped it inside the
drawer and closed it. “Thank you Rosalie,” I said softly. “Truly.”
She nodded. “You’re welcome. And don’t be too shy to try it, there’s no shame in it. Now
let’s go back downstairs before that boyfriend of yours gets his panties twisted and decides
to try to come rescue you,” she said, rolling her eyes. She headed for the door and walked
out, starting down the stairs. I hesitated for a moment, feeling slightly embarrassed but
trying to get it under control. I finally left the room and headed downstairs, running into
Edward on the second floor. He glanced around quickly to make sure there was no one
looking before brushing up against me. My steps faltered and he paused, leaning over and
kissing my lips briefly, gently.
“Love you,” he whispered softly, only loud enough for me to hear. He started walking again,
heading up to the third floor. I watched as he disappeared from sight and smiled, heading
for the foyer. I walked toward the living area where everyone was gathered, this time
including Rosalie and Alice. I stood along the wall, once again sticking to the sidelines, just
watching them all. It was quite heart warming how happy they all appeared, laughing and
joking and hugging. The scene was carefree and the worship they all felt for each other was
completely evident. I watched as Dr. Cullen and his sister laughed together over some
whispered secret, and Rosalie sat on Emmett’s lap and he held her tightly, and Alice
squealed as Jasper kissed her. The love in the room was so pure and powerful, and I felt my
eyes misting up and the intensity of it.
I heard footsteps and glanced over to see Edward heading my direction. He was carrying
Alice and Rosalie’s presents and sat them down inside the room, turning and walking over
toward me. He paused in front of me. “You okay?” he asked, his voice with an edge of worry
to it. I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, a bit confused about why he was concerned. He sighed
and shrugged.
“You’re standing over here by yourself, like you don’t feel comfortable here,” he said. I
smiled lightly.
“I do. Just a habit, standing on the outside looking in,” I said, shrugging. He smiled.
“Well, we’re going to break that habit, because you belong on the inside with me,” he said
softly. “Sempre.”
I blushed slightly. “Sempre,” I mumbled. He chuckled and I gazed into his eyes for a
moment, mesmerized. The love I felt coming from the room a moment ago was being
reflected directly at me through the smoldering green in his eyes and I felt my heart racing
and swelling, powerful emotions surging through my system.
I broke eye contact after a second, unable to take anymore without losing my hold on
reason and doing something stupid, like attacking his lips right then and there. I glanced
over his shoulder and my eyes came into contact with some intense blue ones immediately.
I froze, the penetrating gaze almost paralyzing.
I finally broke eye contact after a moment and look down at the ground, blinking a few
times. “Your father,” I mumbled softly. Edward sighed and turned around, walking away
from me at once. He walked over and sat down on the arm of the couch, nudging Jasper
playfully with his elbow.
I took a few steps into the room, pausing. They started handing presents out between them
and I sat back and watched with amusement. Rose opened her present from me and her
eyes widened, her face lighting up when she saw it was a miniature version of her car. She
glanced up at me and smiled brightly, mouthing “thank you”. I nodded and she continued
to stare at me, smiling. It was startling to see Rosalie looking genuinely happy, the joy
fixated on me. Edward glanced up and over at her and her expression shifted immediately
back into a scowl. She cocked an eyebrow at him, giving him a look of irritation, and he
rolled his eyes at her, feigning annoyance. When he looked away from her I saw his lips
curve slightly into a smile and Rosalie smirked, winking at me.
She definitely hadn’t been joking when she said her and Edward enjoyed pissing each other
off and being aggravating. It was quite endearing to watch, as they really fought like
siblings.
Alice opened her gift from me and squealed loudly, jumping up and running over to me.
She wrapped me in a hug and I started laughing, hugging her back. “Thank you so much, I
love it!! I used to be a ballerina and I so love the Peter Pan ballet, I’m going to get Jasper to
take me to see it soon because it’s so beautiful to watch! You’d love it too, you should see it
someday!” she rattled off quickly, excitedly. Everyone started laughing and I blushed at
how much appreciation she was showing me.
“You’re welcome Alice,” I said softly. She pulled back from the hug and smiled, nodding.
She turned around and grabbed an envelope off of the table and handed it to me.
“Merry Christmas, Isabella,” she said. I took the envelope from her and smiled. I opened
the flap carefully and pulled the contents out, squinting slightly to read it. “It’s a gift
certificate for a spa day, at Spa Noir in Seattle. I already cleared it with Carlisle, he said
Rose and I could take you whenever you wanted to go, as it’s really from both of us.”
My eyes widened with surprise and I glanced up at her. “Spa?” I asked. She smiled and
nodded.
“So you can be pampered. Massages and manicures and pedicures!” she said excitedly. I
blinked a few times, stunned, and glanced over at Rose. She smiled at me and I glanced
back down at the gift certificate.
“Thank you, both of you. Really,” I said. The concept of being pampered was a bit baffling,
but I couldn’t deny the excitement I felt stirring at the idea.
“You’re welcome,” they both said at the same time. They glanced at each other and started
laughing.
“Jinx!” Emmett yelled loudly, excitement in his voice. Rosalie groaned and smacked him on
the back of the head, causing everyone else to laughing.
“You only say jinx when you’re one of the people who said it, dumbass,” she said. Emmett
rubbed the back of his head and shrugged.
“I was just doing it for you baby,” he said playfully. He shifted her off of his lap and glanced
around briefly before smiling brightly. “Time to play in the snow!!”
Everyone seemed to jump up at once excitedly and I just stood there, slightly startled. Dr.
Cullen and Esme laughed as everyone started running from the room, but Edward lingered
behind somewhat. He glanced at me and nodded his head toward the stairs, silently telling
me to come with him. I smiled lightly and walked out of the room toward him.
“You need to get bundled up too, so you can play in the snow,” he said, smirking. I looked
at him with surprise and he chuckled. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
I nodded and followed him up the stairs to the third floor. I went in my room and glanced
in my closet, pulling out my tall tan fuzzy boots. I pulled them on and grabbed my new
heavy coat, pulling it on and zipping it up. Edward walked in and handed me a pair of
gloves and I started putting them on while he put a black hat on my head, covering my ears
with it. “There, all warm and snuggly,” he said, smiling warmly. He walked back to his
room and I followed him, watching as he pulled on his coat and hat and gloves. He kissed
me briefly walking out and started down the stairs.
I followed him down to the foyer, where his brothers and their girlfriends were waiting.
Alice linked her arm with mine and pulled me toward the back door, everyone else
following along. Emmett practically ran past us and shoved the back door open, trudging
out into the snow at once and collapsing, sending white stuff flying everywhere. I laughed
and Rosalie huffed, but smiled. I hesitated in the living area and pulled away from Alice,
grabbing my camera. “Can you take some pictures for me?” I asked Alice hesitantly. She
smiled and nodded, taking the camera and slipping it in her pocket before linking her arm
with mine once more.
I shivered when I stepped out into the cold air and Alice squeezed my arm. “I love the
snow,” she said, smiling.
I returned her smile. “Yeah, it’s nice,” I said softly. Emmett jumped up and started gather
up snow, making balls and belting his brothers with them. I laughed as Jasper and Edward
started making balls and pelting him back. They got out of control after a moment and
snowballs started flying toward us girls. I ducked and one barely missed me, but Rosalie
wasn’t so luck and was pelted with one in the chest. She narrowed her eyes maliciously.
“You jackasses,” she spat, reaching down and making a snowball. She threw it and it
smacked Emmett right in the head. His eyes widened with surprise and he stalked over to
her, grabbing her up and flinging her over his shoulder. She started yelling and pounding
him in the back, and we all started laughing. She was screaming for him to put her down so
he smirked after a moment and dropped her in the snow. She groaned and jumped up,
covered in white, and ran straight for him. I laughed as they started wrestling on the
ground, pelting each other with handfuls of snow.
Alice had let go of me and was snapping pictures for me of everyone and everything. I
crouched down after a moment and ran my hand through a pile of snow. It was freezing
and I could feel the coldness of it slightly through the gloves. The air was chilly and I could
feel my nose growing cold, and imagined my face was probably flushed. I picked up a
handful of snow and opened my hand, watching as it drifted through my fingers. It was
quite amazing to see, as I’d only ever heard about it before. I glanced up after a moment
and saw Edward was standing back watching me, smiling lovingly. I met his eyes and he
winked at me, which caused me to blush. He chuckled lightly to himself and I started
chewing on my lip, glancing back down at the snow.
“Let’s make snowmen!” Alice exclaimed after a moment. Emmett hollered in agreement
and jumped up excitedly. Rosalie climbed up from the ground, scowling, and attempted to
brush the snow from her but it was useless… they were both completely covered.
They started rolling large balls for the snowmen and Jasper pulled me aside to help him
find some sticks for their arms. We all laughed and joked around as they tried to put them
together, occasionally pelting each other with snowballs. It was amusing to watch and I had
to admit, it warmed my heart to be included in it. I felt so young and happy and light
hearted and just for a while I allowed myself to feel that way, allowed the guilt to ease.
After the snowmen were somewhat put together, Edward walked over to me and paused
beside me. “Wanna go for a walk with me?” he asked softly. I smiled and nodded and he
nodded his head toward the woods. He started walking toward the trees and I followed
behind him, trudging through the snow the best I could. It found it was slightly difficult to
walk in, although the rest of them made it look so easy. We hit the tree line and Edward
held his gloved hand out to me. I placed mine in his and he linked our fingers together.
“So how do you like snow, my Bella?” he asked, glancing at me as we walked through the
trees. I smiled and shrugged.
“It’s pretty. Cold, but still beautiful to see,” I said. He nodded.
“Not as beautiful as you,” he said, raising his eyebrows at me. I blushed and he chuckled.
We walked quietly out toward the river, the sound of rushing water growing louder. He
slowed down and paused at the riverbank, glancing down at the water. I leaned my head
over against his shoulder and he let go of my hand, draping his arm over my shoulder and
squeezing me to him. “I used to come out here all the time when I was a kid to be alone.
Used to wander these woods for hours, got lost a few times. The only time I ever felt at
peace back then was when I was out here in the forest.” He paused and sighed. “There’s
actually a nice little meadow a few miles in. It’s off the trail so no one ever goes there.
Maybe I’ll take you up there and show you when it gets warmer.”
I glanced into his face, smiling. He was staring off into the trees, a look of longing
embedded in his features. He must’ve sensed my gaze because he smirked after a second.
“Like something you see?” he asked teasingly. I nudged him playfully and laughed.
“You know I do,” I said. He chuckled and squeezed me to him tighter.
We stood there quietly for a moment under the trees before two squirrels came running by.
I smiled and watched as they scampered through the snow nearby, chasing each other.
They scaled the tree beside us after a second, leaping onto a branch. I ducked, realizing
what they were doing, but Edward looked up just in time for one of the squirrels to hit a
pile of snow on the branch, sending it flying. It hit him in the face and I started laughing
hysterically as he just stood there, frozen, glaring at the now snowless branch.
“Son of a bitch, I’m going to kill that goddamn squirrel,” he said. I started laughing harder,
doubling over and grabbing my stomach, trying to catch my breath. He turned to me,
cocking an eyebrow. “Do you find something funny?” he asked, his voice completely calm
and collected, his expression serious. I nodded and continued to laugh. He narrowed his
eyes slightly but smirked, and I tried to contain myself, calm down, because I knew by his
expression that he was going to do something to me. It was written all over his face, evident
by the mischievous glint in his eyes. I bit my lip to choke back the laughter, but the moment
I did the squirrel came running along the tree again. I took a few quick steps away and the
snow fell on Edward once more.
I started laughing again immediately and his eyes narrowed even more. He took a step
toward me at once, and my eyes widened. I took a few steps backwards as he came at me,
turning after a moment and starting to run. I only got a few steps before my clumsiness
took over and my foot caught on something on the ground. I fell into the snow face first and
heard Edward start laughing immediately.
“See? That’s what happens when you laugh at me,” he said. I smiled and rolled over to look
at him, picking up a handful of snow and tossing it at him. It hit him in the chest and his
eyes widened with surprise.
“That’s what happens when you laugh at me,” I said. He started laughing, shaking his head.
“Fair enough,” he said. He held his hand out to me and I took it carefully. He pulled me up
to my feet and chuckled. “You are completely covered in snow,” he said, brushing my coat
off. I smiled and shrugged.
“It’s just water, it won’t hurt me,” I said. He rolled his eyes.
“You can get frostbitten. Get sick, get pneumonia. Fuck, there’s hypothermia. All sorts of
shit could happen,” he said. I laughed.
“Edward, I was born prematurely in the middle of a nasty barn. My mother says I was tiny
and blue and I managed to survive. I’ve had the living daylights beaten out of me more
times than I can count and I survived. I’ve had a gun shoved in my throat and I survived.
It’s just some frozen water… I’ll survive.”
He sighed loudly, slight irritation to it. I waited for him to argue with me and glanced over
at him, noticing he was grinding his teeth together. I smiled, knowing he was trying to
control his temper for my sake.
We were both quiet for a moment and he stopped grinding his teeth eventually, calming
down. “I was premature, too,” he said finally. I looked at him with surprise and he nodded.
“Just a few weeks early. Jasper was only like nine months old when they got Emmett, and
he was only a year old. So mom had two babies at home and was like six and a half, seven
months pregnant with me. She refused any help at first, wanted to do it on her own but it
was apparently too much for her. She managed for a few weeks before the stress got to be
too much and she ended up going into labor.”
“Wow,” I said. “That must’ve been hard on her, three babies at once.”
He nodded. “Yeah. They decided to wait until we are all at least out of diapers before
having anymore. She wanted a bunch of kids. I don’t know why they stopped.” His voice
had wistfulness about it as he spoke of his mother. I could tell it was hard for him but he
was trying to open up more for me.
I smiled lightly and closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his neck and
gazing up into his face. He put his hands on my hips and looked down at me, smiling.
“Perhaps they realized they created perfection when they made you and didn’t need to have
anymore,” I said softly. He smirked and leaned his head down, capturing my lips with his
gently. I closed my eyes and sighed as he parted my lips with his tongue, kissing me
passionately.
He pulled back from my lips after a bit and I opened my eyes to see him gazing down at me.
“I’m far from perfect, Isabella,” he said. “I’ve got more flaws than I do good parts.” I smiled,
shaking my head.
“You may have flaws, but that’s part of what makes you so wonderful. You are perfect…
perfect for me.”
*****
Buon natale = Merry Christmas
Tira più un carro di figa che un pelo di bue = A pussy hair can pull more weight than a
bunch of bulls. (loosely translated, A man will do anything for the love of a woman)
Chapter 38 In Spite Of Everything
“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so
absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of
everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” -- Anne Frank
I stood at the large window in the living room, gazing out into the vast backyard. The kids
were all outside, playing around in the snow, throwing snowballs and attempting to build
some wretched looking snowmen. They were all laughing and appeared rather cheerful,
which I had to admit was quite a magnificent sight. I honestly couldn’t recall the last time I
saw all three of my boys truly happy at the same time, as at one point or another at least
one of them seems to be in pain. Usually it’s Edward, as for years it seems my youngest has
been in a perpetual state of turmoil and heartache. His soul’s been broken, his heart torn,
and I blame myself quite often for that. Blame myself for not doing more to appease his
worries that dreadful day all those years ago, when he woke up in that hospital room to the
realization that his mother was indeed dead and it hadn’t been a horrifying nightmare
conjured up in his mind. My youngest, the one so much like Elizabeth in looks and spirit--
I’d failed him long ago.
I’ll never forgive myself for walking out on my family after Elizabeth’s death, and I feel like
less than half a man admitting it, but I couldn’t bear to look at my child at the time. I still
have days where I have to look away from him, where I try to keep my distance from
Edward because he’s a consistent reminder of my wife and what happened to her. And
seeing him so completely broken inside, seeing him fake happiness in order to try to satisfy
the rest of us only made me feel worse about it all. It’s hard for me to think about what my
son endured, what he’d witnessed that horrific day. I’ve pieced together most of it over the
years, although he’s never actually told me the story himself, and I know he had to watch
her die. She was so beautiful and he cherished his mother so much, and he was forced to
watch the life leave her. I can’t imagine how that had to have felt.
And my wife… it’s difficult to find the perfect words to describe her. Elizabeth was a
magnificent creature; she had the kindest gentlest soul you’d ever find in a human being.
I’d promised to love her and treasure her and take care of her, and I failed her… terribly.
Edward irrationally blamed himself for his mother’s death, but he doesn’t know the half of
it. He doesn’t know about my stupidity, my naivety. He doesn’t know how wholly I failed
my wife, how I failed to realize what was happening before it was too late.
Esme walked over and stood beside me, wrapping her small arms around my left arm,
hugging it. She leaned her head over against me and sighed. We both stood quietly, gazing
out in the backyard, absorbing the carefree innocence. I’d give anything to be able to go
back to those days, to be happy again without the burdens of life’s ills.
“I caught Edward at the piano this morning,” Esme said. “He was playing.”
I sighed. “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, or the Funeral March?” I asked. Those were the only
two songs my son ever played anymore, when he did manage to sit down in front of the
keys.
“Neither,” she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. “Something new. Something
original.”
My eyes widened slightly with shock that he’d composed something. “Wow,” I said simply.
She nodded against my arm but didn’t respond.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Esme said softly after a bit. I glanced down at my sister
and saw her gaze was fixated on Edward out in the snow. I could tell exactly what she was
referring to by the look on her face, that loving compassion she often portrayed. I sighed,
shaking my head.
“What did you want me to say? My youngest is an idiot?” I asked. Esme groaned, jabbing
me in the ribs hard with her elbow.
“Don’t you call him that,” she said sharply. I shook my head and stood quietly, continuing
to watch the kids play around. “He loves her,” she added after a moment, her voice soft.
I rolled my eyes. “She’s just a novelty, fresh meat. The newness will wear off before long
and he’ll move on,” I said.
“Oh, give me a break. Even you don’t believe that baby brother,” she said, shaking her head.
“One can always hope,” I said. She rolled her eyes at me and looked back out at the kids.
“They make each other happy,” she said. I glanced out the window and watched as my son
peeked over at Isabella, his eyes lighting up when they made eye contact. I sighed.
“They’re both idiots,” I said with a bit of frustration.

“Carlisle!” Esme said, annoyed, pushing me. I stumbled a few steps and chuckled. Esme
shook her head and rolled her eyes, grabbing a hold of my arm again and pulling me back
to her to hug it. “What are you going to do?” she asked after a moment.
“I don’t know,” I said. It was the truth; I had no idea how to handle this situation. “When I
first figured it out I thought about sending her to you in Chicago for awhile… if the two of
you would’ve taken her, that is.”
She sighed. “You know we would,” she said. I glanced down at her and raised my eyebrows,
eyeing her skeptically. She looked up at me and smiled sheepishly. “I would’ve convinced
my husband somehow.”
I laughed lightly, shaking my head. Alec wasn’t easily convinced and I doubted even Esme
could’ve talked him into involving himself now, if she told him the truth of the situation.
He’d been refusing to intervene with Isabella over the years and insisted Esme stay out of it
also, and I didn’t blame him a bit for it. The entire situation was a disaster.
“If you say so, Es. I, myself, am not so sure. But never the less, it doesn’t matter now. It’s
much too late for that. I missed my window of opportunity,” I said. I knew if I tried to send
her to Chicago with Esme my son would follow right along behind her and that was the last
thing I wanted.
“I think you’re fooling yourself if you really believe you ever had a window of opportunity.
Those two are enamored with each other. È stato amore a primavista, I bet,” she said. I
sighed and shook my head but didn’t respond, because there was nothing to say. I knew
deep down my sister was right, although I didn’t want to admit it.
The fact of the matter is, I’ve known for quite some time what was happening. I suspected
the attraction between them before they probably even realized it themselves. I was
worried as to how those two were going to get along, and that first morning when I walked
in the kitchen I feared the worst. She was already so shy and timid, terrified of the world,
and I was afraid my son’s abrasive nature would cause her to stumble before she could
really get her footing. They were both on the floor that morning in the kitchen, sitting
amongst a puddle of juice, Isabella trembling with fright and Edward staring at her with
confusion. He had a hold of her tightly, holding her there by gripping onto her wrist, and I
snapped, automatically assuming that’s exactly what was happening. Edward let go of her
quickly, almost as if she were on fire and him touching her burned, and stood up. The very
first word out of his mouth after he let go of her was the absolute last thing I ever expected
to hear. It was such a simple word, a word most people use loosely and needlessly, but a
powerful word to people like us. It's something he hadn’t said since he was still that
innocent 8 year old child, ignorant of the world’s troubles. He hadn’t even said it to me last
year when he got into that mess and I pulled every string and used every connection I could
to get the charges to go away, so that he could have a second chance at a clean slate. But
he’d uttered it that morning so casually, so nonchalantly that I knew he didn’t even realize
what he was saying. It just rolled off of his tongue naturally, as if it weren’t a big deal
and didn’t carry any major connotations. But it did, and the moment it registered with my
ears I knew. I knew my son had stumbled upon the person to finally break through to him,
even if he didn’t yet know.
The word he muttered was “sorry”.
It’s a word I can’t even bring myself to say, no matter the situation. A word I should’ve said
when I acted so brutally toward Isabella on the anniversary of Elizabeth’s death. I imagined
my wife was watching me from heaven, quite ashamed of my behavior, disgusted with me.
I’ll never forgive myself for what I did, and I didn’t expect Isabella to ever forgive me either.
It wasn’t fair, she hadn’t deserved it. I set her up to purposely harm her when she’s nothing
but a child trapped in an appalling life she can’t get out of. Rationally I knew none of it was
her fault, that she couldn’t help anything that happened anymore than any of my sons
could help the cards that were dealt to them. But I’m not always rational, and I don’t
always think clearly.
If you were to ask my sister, she’d most likely inform you that I was a good man deep down
inside. A decent man, with a heart full of compassion and a large capacity to love. Elizabeth
would’ve told you the same thing. She never saw the evil that lurked inside of me, but then
again I can’t be sure the evil didn’t spring up until after she was already gone. I’d always
had flaws but it wasn’t until my wife was stolen from me all those years ago that the
blackness took over inside of me. I almost become possessed by it, completely consumed by
my anger and sadness and guilt. I was out for blood, and no matter how many people I
killed in my quest for vengeance it never completely disintegrated. That timid brown haired
girl outside, the one my youngest has grown so fond of over the past few months, almost
became a casualty in that personal war I was fighting, my quest for retaliation. When I
looked at her now I saw my atonement, my one last opportunity to possibly make up for
everything I did wrong at that time. But that’s not to say that the blackness inside of
me doesn’t often rear its ugly head and attempt to take over, control me. Not to say that I
don’t get into moods where I have to fight back the urge to lash out at Isabella, fight off that
irrational anger that makes me want to grab a hold of her and snap her neck.
I was a torn man—torn between wanting to help someone and wanting to destroy them.
And that sickens me, because what decent man would even feel urges to harm an innocent
child?
I started tapping my thumb against my leg, trying to contain myself, as I watched Edward
take a few steps off to the side and pause, his gaze practically penetrating through Isabella.
He stood there for a moment before strolling over to her, stopping beside her casually. He
leaned in and said something to her and she nodded in response. I gritted my teeth and
tensed up slightly, tapping my thumb frantically as he nodded his head toward the woods
and set off with her following right behind him.
“Relax, Carlisle,” Esme said softly, sensing my tension. I sighed loudly and tried to relax,
taking a few deep breaths but it was ineffective. They hit the tree line and Edward reached
out, grabbing her hand. I groaned loudly and shook my head, pulling away from Esme and
turning from the window. I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to deal with it. I walked into
the living room and sat down in a chair, rubbing my face with my hands out of frustration.
Esme stood at the window for a moment longer, watching the rest of the kids finish
building those decrepit snowmen, before turning and walking over to me. She sat down
across from me and I could feel her eyes piercing through me, her gaze intense.
“It’s cute how slick they think they’re being. Reminds me of back in the day, how you…” she
started, smiling to herself in remembrance.
I realized where she was going with her statement and threw my hand up immediately,
glaring at her. “Stop it!” I said firmly, not wanting to even go there. She smiled and reached
up, playfully pretending to zip her lips. She found it amusing, and maybe if I was a total
rational man I’d find it the same way, but Wasn’t. I found nothing cute about the situation
we were in.
“Why can’t you just let them be? Edward’s so happy. He was always so broken and now he’s
smiling. He’s lighting up again,” Esme asked after a moment. I shook my head.
“You know why,” I said simply. She sighed, sounding slightly irritated by my response.
“Damnit sis, do you honestly think I don’t want my son to be happy? I do! I love seeing him
alive again. But do you seriously think, after everything, that what they’re doing is wise?
You can’t honestly think that it’s for the best, that those two should be together.”
She glared at me, narrowing her eyes slightly with irritation. “Shouldn’t that be their
decision?” she asked. I shook my head, frowning.
“They don’t know any better, they don’t know enough to be able to make that decision,” I
said. She raised an eyebrow at me, obviously not liking my answer to that either.
“Maybe you should tell them then,” she said sharply. I narrowed my eyes slightly and she
shook her head, knowing I was about to argue. “He already suspects you’re keeping
secrets, Carlisle. He’s not an idiot. I think you should tell him the truth.”
I laughed bitterly. “The truth, Esme? Exactly which truth are you talking about? Or maybe I
should say how much of the truth? You want me to tell him all of it, put all the cards out on
the table for him to see? How about the part that’s going to hurt him, the pieces that are
going to crush him? You want him to be so damn happy, do you really think knowing the
truth about what happened is going to make him happy? Because it won’t, it’s going to hurt
him tremendously. He’s a lot like me now and you know that, you have to admit there’s a
distinct possibility if I confess to him the significance of that girl out there he may very well
snap. Maybe at me, maybe at her, but damn sure at one of us. Christ, Esme, I tried to kill
her! I snapped more than once! You can’t tell me you seriously believe Edward will take it
lightly, shrug it off. And if I tell him the truth it’s going to make him question everything,
make him doubt me. Edward and I barely have a relationship as it is, can you not see how
this could very well ruin the last bit of bond we do have left? Because I do, I see it clearly. Is
that what you want?”
She just stared at me, looking slightly stunned by my passionate tirade. I shook my head,
sighing exasperatedly. “No, that’s not what you want. You want me to tell him just enough
of the truth to make him believe it’s perfectly okay for him and Isabella to be together. But I
can’t do that; I can’t mislead him with bits and pieces of the truth. It’s either all or nothing,
Esme. And if I tell him all of it, I’m quite sure he’s going to either going lash out at her and
destroy her because of his irrational anger, or he’s going to try to take her and run. And I
can’t have either of those happen, because it’ll make everything that happened and
everything I’m trying to do here a complete waste. Even worse, he could lash out at us both
and disappear himself, wash his hands of all of us and that’s going to destroy him.
Elizabeth wouldn’t have wanted her child to be sacrificed, you know that.”
Esme sighed, frowning. “She’d be happy, seeing the two of them like that though,” she said
softly. “I just wish… there was a way.”
I nodded. “I know, I do too. I’ve been trying to find some middle ground, which is why I
haven’t said anything to either of them about it, but I’m just not seeing any. I just see no
way out of this without hurting one of them or failing. Maybe under normal circumstances,
but not after that goddamn DNA test. Jesus, why did I have to have them run it? I was
expecting it to come back with ancestral hits through the Swan family but the moment I got
the call that it hit on more than the Swans, I realized I was in deep. And I was so goddamn
stupid not to see it before, I should’ve known.”
Esme shook her head. “You couldn’t have known Carlisle, no one knew.” I sighed and sat
quietly for a moment. “Do you know what to do about that? About the DNA?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I know what I’m supposed to do, I’m supposed to always
choose the damn business and maybe the logical thing would be putting it on the record
and exposing it, but the implications of doing that are fucking frightening. The potential
wrath, the trouble that might come down on us, and not to mention it would be like
throwing Isabella to the wolves. And damnit, if that happens, I can’t even imagine the
lengths my son might go to for her. I just wish I hadn’t run that damn test, then I wouldn’t
be having to make this type of decision.”
Esme shook her head. “You can’t dwell on the what ifs Carlisle. What’s done is done.”
I laughed bitterly. “I always dwell on the ‘what ifs’. I barely sleep at night worrying about
things, wondering how one little move could’ve changed everything, beating myself up for
all of the mistakes I made. It’s all my fault we are where we are, I could’ve stopped this
before any of it started. It’s all I can think about and it’s irrational but I can’t stop myself.
What if I hadn’t taken my wife to Vegas that weekend? What if we’d gone a weekend earlier
or a weekend later? Hell, what if we’d have been an hour later, or maybe even an hour
earlier? Why did she have to be at that exact spot at that exact moment? All I can think
about is how different things might be, how happy we all might still be. And I blame myself
for all of it. Hell, sometimes I even blame dad, and I get so fucking angry Esme, so fucking
angry at that girl outside and I know that’s wrong because none of it’s her fault, but I can’t
help it.”
“If that day hadn’t happened Carlisle, that girl outside would most likely be dead right now.
You’re saving her and she’s healing him. Doesn’t that make it worth it?”
I laughed bitterly, shaking my head. “You sound just like Aro. If we hadn’t been there Esme
my son wouldn’t need healing and my wife sure as fuck wouldn’t be dead right now. So no,
the trip wasn’t worth it.”
February 14th, 1993
The road was long and deserted, nothing to be seen for miles besides bulging brown
configurations along the side of the highway and scatters of green in the form of bushes
and cactus's. The air was hot and stifling, and despite the fact that the air conditioning in
the car was being blasted at full power sweat was seeping from me. I reached up and wiped
my brow, sighing. I hated the south.
I was irritated. It was scorching, and I was beyond miserable. Besides the sound of the
engine rumbling and the transmission shifting gears, it was utterly silent in the car. The
radio was clicked off, and I reached out after a moment and turned it on, scanning through
stations quickly, trying to find something to get my mind off of the situation. I didn't care
what it was, I just needed noise. I was grinding my teeth, trying to contain my temper but
the silence was nearly driving me to the brink of insanity. She knew I hated the silent
treatment. I'd rather be yelled at and chastised than for her to just sit there as she was,
ignoring me and staring out the window with that blank expression on her face.
I cursed after a moment and slammed my hand against the radio, my irritation getting the
best of me and causing my temper to boil over. She sighed dramatically but otherwise made
no indication that she was even aware of my presence. She was though, she always was.
And she knew my moods, so I ventured to guess she knew exactly how I was feeling right
now. She knew what she was doing to me.
"Damn it Lizzie, if you don't say something I swear to God I'm going to spontaneously
combust," I spat through clenched teeth. She exhaled sharply and cut her eyes at me
briefly, but once again just stared out the window at the brown forms with green flecks
scattered amongst it.
I went back to grinding my teeth and shut the radio off, knowing it was useless putting
music on. She'd only reach out and shut it off after a moment anyway, hell bent on
inflicting emotional torture on me in the form of absolute silence. "What do you want me to
do? Huh? It's my job Elizabeth, you knew how I was when you married me."
She laughed bitterly. "It's our anniversary Carlisle," she said simply, her voice scathing and
full of anger, resentment. Elizabeth very rarely got upset but when she did, she could be
venomous and it was pretty much always directed right at me.
"I know that, but you know they don't care. They say go and I go," I said, sighing
exasperatedly. She knew I took that oath, that I vowed to the organization that anytime
they called on me I'd be there, 24 hours a day 7 days a week 356 days a year. They were
relatively flexible and didn’t often inconvenience me, but the fact of the matter was I was a
low man on the totem pole and when they barked, I responded.
“I know,” she said firmly. “But don’t sit there and act as if I don’t have a right to be upset.
You know how I feel about this place, about these…. Vermin.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “I never said you didn’t have a right to be upset. And you know I
don’t like this place anymore than you do, so why are you taking it out on me? You didn’t
have to come, you could’ve stayed at the hotel and waited.”
Her head snapped in my direction and her eyes narrowed. “You’ve got to be kidding me!
You expect me to sit in a hotel room by myself, on our anniversary, while you’re out doing
God knows what?! You’d have been gone the entire day, I wouldn’t have seen you at all!”
I rolled my eyes. “And this shit is better than not seeing me? Riding five hours in a car one
way, giving me the damn silent treatment as if this is my fault? You think I want to be going
here, you don’t think I’d rather spend the day with you in Vegas?” I understood why she
was upset, I truly did, but I couldn’t accept her taking it out on me. I tried my best, did
everything I could to make it special for her. I’d planned the trip, cleared it with Esme and
Alec so they kept the boys for the weekend in Chicago while I flew her out to Vegas for our
anniversary. I had the entire weekend mapped out, as it was her first time in the city. I was
going to take her dancing and to the casinos, bought tickets to a show I knew she’d always
wanted to see. I was going to wine and dine her, treat her like the princess she was, and
make love to her all through the night. She was my heart, my soul mate, and I was looking
forward to spending some time alone, just the two of us, away from everything even
remotely complicated. I was tired of complicated, that’s all we ever had. We needed a
chance to just get away from all of it, escape the stress and just be us, and I thought for sure
we were finally going to have that chance.
But the moment we landed in Vegas, it all came crashing down. I’d told them where I was
heading for the weekend, as it’s not very wise to just disappear off the radar for any reason,
and they tracked me down at the hotel. We’d been unpacking and Elizabeth had been
glowing, excited about everything, but the moment the front desk rang and said I had an
important phone call, her radiance diminished. She knew what it meant. She knew
complication caught back up to us.
It had been my father, telling me that since I was in the general area they needed me to
drive to Phoenix in the morning to pick up some important paperwork from Charles Swan
Senior. He was a made man that oversaw our interests in the casinos in Vegas, as the
organization laundered money through them and ran some underground gaming in the
city. The Swans were decent people from what I knew, as I’d personally only met them a
few times in Chicago when they came to visit. Charles Senior was a bit of a hard ass, but he
seemed to be straightforward and respectable, and his wife Makenna was always pleasant.
I tried to get out of it, telling my father I’d fly back on my own dime and get the stuff from
Phoenix if they could just wait until I got back on Monday, but he insisted it absolutely had
to be done Saturday afternoon. I complained, infuriated that he was doing this to me. He
knew what this weekend meant to us, but he simply demanded I comply and hung up the
phone, case closed. The moment the dial tone rang in my ear I knew there was nothing I
could do about, no way I could get out of it. My father dispensed orders, his word was final
and no one could disregard it without facing consequences—not even me. He was the boss,
the don of the family. He spoke, and I complied, because when you’re brought into the
organization you vow that family always comes first… and by family, they don’t mean blood
relatives. They mean the Borgata--the Mafia family.
Elizabeth sighed after a moment, sounding resigned. Deep down she understood, and it
was clear she didn’t like it but she knew there was nothing I could do about it. I’d been so
young, it was my eighteenth birthday when I took the oath and vowed my life to them, and
I lived every day wishing I could take it back. But I can’t… once they take you in that room
and conduct the ceremony giving you full membership in the La Cosa Nostra, there’s no
turning back. It’s the very first thing they tell you when they induct you. There’s only one
way in and one way out--You come in on your own two feet, and you leave in a coffin.
It’s hard for an eighteen year old to truly grasp what it means to vow your life to an
organization. There’s no reneging on it. It isn’t like a marriage, where you vow your life to
another person but know if it comes down to it there’s always divorce. No, there is no
divorcing the mafia. Young kids get caught up in the glorification, the outward
appearances. They see the women and the money, the power and the respect, and they get
so entranced by it that they don’t think about the implications, the consequences. I did it.
I’d seen the ostentatious parts of the lifestyle and the fear my father elicited from people
and it intrigued me. I wanted the easy money, the excitement, the power. And the day I was
inducted all I could think about was how proud of me my father was, how much people
were going to respect me. Elizabeth had been hesitant about me doing it but I tried to
reassure her that it would be fine, that it would provide us protection for life. And she
trusted me, trusted my judgment so she didn’t push me to change my mind, despite the fact
that she wished we could just run away and start a life free of it all.
It wasn’t until years later that the reality of the situation dawned on me. I’d joined the
organization for protection, when in actuality it was me joining that required us to need to
be protected in the first place. I’d brought the danger down upon us, invited it into our
lives. How stupid and naïve I’d been, completely ignorant. I was blinded by dollar signs,
lured in with a false sense of security, never once taking into account the terror and
potential violence that could erupt.
I sighed and glanced over at Elizabeth. We’d gotten married a mere few weeks after my
induction, a small ceremony on a whim on Valentine’s Day. I’d wanted to give her a big
spectacular wedding, felt like she should have a magnificent day to shine. I was willing to
go to the extremes because she deserved it, she was worth it. But she hadn’t wanted it,
instead asked that we get married quietly in private, with only my family present. My
parents held it at their house for us, a local priest my father was acquainted with
conducting the ceremony. Esme came to be there for Elizabeth, as she had no one else, but
Alec stayed away. I knew Elizabeth would’ve welcomed him, but he felt it was unfair for
him to intrude on her day. I had to respect him for that, even if I had wished he would’ve
stood up for me as my best man.
It’s been a decade since that day—ten very complicated years, but worth every ounce of
trouble. I thank God every day for her, for bringing her to me. She was my world, my
reason for existing. Her and our boys were the only things that kept me pushing on in life,
the only things to keep me afloat. We had three boys—Jasper came first and was five years
old now. Our first time being intimate after Jaspers birth, we conceived Edward. Elizabeth
always wanted a big family but we hadn’t anticipated getting pregnant so quickly again. I
was worried it would be hard on her, but she insisted she was fine.
Our other son, who is essentially our oldest, came to us by the grace of God. Up until she
gave birth to Jasper, Elizabeth was volunteering at a rape advocacy center and continually
counseled a young girl named Maria. Maria was raped and became pregnant from that, and
Elizabeth had tried to help her through it. Maria gave birth and disappeared from sight,
and it always worried my wife as to what happened to her and that baby. One afternoon
Elizabeth randomly decided to stop by the rape advocacy center to show off Jasper, as the
women she worked with there doted on him, and she spotted Maria standing outside on the
corner near the building. She approached her and saw she was crying, looking panicked
and holding a baby boy. She practically shoved the child at Elizabeth and my wife took him,
stunned. Marie declared she couldn’t do it anymore; she couldn’t look at the baby because
it was a constant reminder of what had happened to her. Elizabeth just stood there, a few
months pregnant and clutching two babies in her arms, unsure of what to do. She tried to
talk Maria into coming inside the building, getting help, but Maria refused and just turned
her back on Elizabeth and the baby, walking away.
And that was how Emmett came into our lives. Elizabeth was dead set on raising him
herself and I didn’t understand why at the time, as she was already overwhelmed with
Jasper and we had another on the way, but I realized later that she saw it as karma.
Elizabeth was a big believer in fate, didn’t believe anything was an accident or coincidence,
and she felt that what had happened to her led her to this innocent baby boy that needed
help, that needed love. I finally conceded when I realized she was serious and wouldn’t
back down and agreed we’d keep him. We hunted down Maria and she signed all the
paperwork so we could legally adopt him.
Emmett just turned six years old, and our youngest, Edward, is four. All three are great
kids, the older ones a bit rambunctious. Edward is tamer for the most part, he’s Elizabeth’s
shadow. He followed his mother everywhere, copied everything she did. It was nearly
impossible to catch sight of my wife without that scrawny little quiet redheaded boy
clinging to her side. In fact, he was such a mommas boy that we’d barely been able to get
away this weekend, because for the first time ever he’d thrown a true no holds bar temper
tantrum. He’d cried and screamed, begging her not to leave him, and I knew it tugged at
her heart as her eyes glassed over with tears. She almost backed out, telling me to forget
about it, that she wanted to stay home. But I was insistent we go, that we get away together
because we were long overdue for a weekend of just the two of us with no interruptions, so
she endured the tantrum and stayed strong, reassuring Edward that she’d be back, that
she’d never really leave him.
I bet she was regretting that now, regretting agreeing to come with me to Vegas. Because
instead of gambling and making love and dancing, we were driving down this desolate dirty
highway outside of Phoenix. Instead of laughing and enjoying herself, she was seething and
disappointed.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, okay?” I blurted out finally, unable to take it anymore. I wasn’t one to ever
apologize for anything as a general rule, but it was different with my wife. She’s probably
the only person I’d ever outright said I was sorry to, and sometimes I felt like I was
constantly apologizing to her. I felt like a fuck up, sometimes felt like I couldn’t get
anything right when it came to her. “I’ll make this up to you someway, I promise you
that stella mia. Ti amo, perdonilo. Per favore.”
She glanced over at me, narrowing her eyes. “Don’t you dare try to dazzle me with Italian,
Carlisle Cullen,” she said sharply. I smiled sheepishly, turning to look back at the road.
She was quiet for a moment and I waited patiently, knowing my wife quite well. She sighed
finally, resigned. “That wicked witch better not be here,” she said, her voice not exactly
angry anymore but tinged with disgust. I smiled lightly, shaking my head. She always
referred to Mrs. Evanson as a wicked witch, refusing to utter the woman’s name like it was
poison to the tongue.
“The Evanson’s won’t be there. That woman rarely leaves her house,” I said. I knew she
knew that and my verbalizing it wasn’t necessary, but I wanted to try to reassure her
anyway. She nodded after a moment, a contemplative look on her face. She gazed back out
the window, once again fixating on the dreary scenery, but this time the atmosphere in the
car was lighter. Neither of us was happy, but the tension had dissipated as she came to
grips with our destination.
I reached over and clicked the radio back on finally, scanning through stations until I hit
some soft classical music. Elizabeth’s lips curved into a smile and she glanced over at me.
There was a slight twinkle in her eye that made me smile.
“'O sole mio can play this,” she said, the pride evident in her voice. She always called
Edward her sun because of how bright he was. “He learned it in his lesson last week. He’s
been playing some of it for days.” I smiled in response, nodding. He was a really talented
kid and piano seemed to come naturally to him. We always had one, more for show than
anything considering neither my wife or I could really play, but Edward had been fiddling
around with it since he first started to walk. It started with him indiscriminately pressing
keys but over time it morphed into him actually putting notes together and remembering
them, essentially composing his own little tunes. He was almost a little prodigy but we
never pushed him at it, never tried to be overbearing about his obvious talent. We wanted
to let him flourish on his own. He’d just recently started piano lessons and was learning to
read sheet music, which they told us was startling for him only being four years old, but
he’d been finding lessons mundane and was losing patience with them. He was happier just
pressing keys on his own.
“He could be an amazing piano player someday. The next Mozart,” she gushed. “He could
be anything he wanted to be.” Her voice was wistful and I smiled lightly.
“Yeah, he can. If he wants to be a musician, he can be one. He can be a teacher or an artist

or a lawyer for all I care, as long as he makes something of himself. I want all of my boys to
make something of themselves,” I said. Elizabeth smiled and nodded.
“He could be a doctor like you,” she said. I rolled my eyes.
“Just because I’m going to medical school for a degree doesn’t mean I’ll ever actually be a
doctor Elizabeth. It takes too much time and dedication to intern, residency is grueling. I
don’t have the free time to dedicate to it, not with everything else,” I said. She smiled sadly.
“Maybe someday,” she said, shrugging. I shrugged slightly, giving her a small smile. I was
quite sure there would be no someday for that but I wasn’t going to say that to her, because
I knew she still held hope that it could happen.
She chatted some more about Edward and the piano before plunging into conversation
about the other boys. I smiled and listened, knowing her nerves were growing as we neared
the Swan residence and wanting to allow her time to come to terms with that.
I slowed when we neared the small cut off in the desert, leading back toward the Swan
property. Elizabeth tensed up slightly as I turned onto it, her words faltering. I reached my
hand over and placed it on her knee, squeezing lightly.
“Relax, okay? No big deal. I’ll make it as quick as possible and you’ll never have to come
back,” I said. She sighed and nodded, still slightly tense.
I drove down the long driveway slowly, as the road was bumpy and I didn’t want to mess up
the rental car or jar us around too much. The house came into view and Elizabeth’s eyes
widened slightly, her leg shaking a bit under my hand. She was nervous and anxious, and I
wanted to tell her that she had nothing to worry about but I knew my words would be
fruitless. She’d be uncomfortable here regardless of what I said. I pulled up in front of the
house and shut the engine off, taking the key out of the ignition. I glanced over at Elizabeth
and saw her gazing out of the window, the apprehension clear in her eyes.
“You ready?” I asked. She sighed, shaking her head.
“As read as I’ll ever be Carlisle,” she said softly, her voice shaking. I nodded and hesitated,
but reached over and opened my door. I got out and walked around to her side, opening
her car door for her. I held my hand out to her and she took it carefully. I helped her out of
the car and shut the door, linking our fingers together. I started leading her toward the
house and she resisted slightly when we reached the steps. “Can I, uh… have a moment
please?” she asked softly. I sighed and nodded.
“Of course you can Lizzie. Take all the time you need,” I said. She smiled warmly.
“Thanks. You can go ahead,” she said. I hesitated but she nodded, I assume trying to assure
me that it was fine. I nodded in response and let go of her hand, running my fingers
through my hair. I gazed at her for a moment before turning and walking up the steps
slowly, heading for the front door. I knocked lightly on it and took a deep breath, not
wanting to be here. No one answered after a moment so I reached my hand up again and as
I knocked I heard a high-pitched squeal behind me, almost a shriek. I swung around
quickly, startled, and saw a frail little brown haired girl running straight at Elizabeth. She
was tiny, knee-high and skinny as a toothpick. Her hair was matted and she was filthy
beyond words, covered in dirt and wearing tattered clothing. Elizabeth heard the noise and
turned around, her eyes widening with shock as she spotted the child. Elizabeth stood
frozen in spot and the little girl seemed oblivious to her presence in her path, as after a
second she slammed right into her. Elizabeth stumbled back a few steps from the force and
the little girl flew backwards onto her butt. Elizabeth blinked a few times, stunned, and the
little girl glanced up at her with confusion. Her little dirt-smudged nose was scrunched up
as she eyed my wife, her brow furrowed. She was staring at her intensely, concentrating
hard on my wife’s face. Elizabeth stared back, the bewilderment evident on her features.
“You’re awfully dirty, little one,” my wife said finally, eyeing the child. The little girls face
scrunched up even more and she looked down at herself.
“Where?” she asked with confusion, her voice high pitched and sweet. Elizabeth laughed
and crouched down in front of the little girl.
“Everywhere,” she said. Elizabeth smiled and reached her pointer finger out, pressing it
against the girls scrunched up nose. The little girl smiled, a look of relief on her face.
“Oh, okay,” she said simply, as if that answer was a relief. She perked up after a second, her
eyes going wide as excitement took over her features. “You wanna play?!” she asked, almost
squealing. Elizabeth laughed, the smile on her face brightening at the little girls question.
“What will we be playing?” she asked, her voice gentle and loving, that warmness I loved in
Elizabeth shining out. The little girl shrugged, her face once again scrunching up.
“Dunno,” she said. The little girl started chewing on her bottom lip, looking to be
concentrating hard.
“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Elizabeth asked softly. The little girl smiled again.
“Isabella,” she said. It came out sounding more like ‘Izzy-bewa’ but my wife seemed to
understand, as she nodded and repeated it back to her. I wasn’t very good at interpreting
children, as my own still sometimes made no sense to me when they spoke.
“And how old are you, little Isabella?” Elizabeth asked. The little girl perked up again.
“Three!” she declared loudly, holding up two fingers. Elizabeth started laughing and
reached over, gently pulling one of Isabella’s other fingers up so she’s was holding up three.
“Wow, so you’re a big girl, huh?” Elizabeth asked. Isabella nodded enthusiastically.
“That’s what mommy says!” she said, smiling brightly. “Mommy says big girls are good. Am
I good if I’m dirty? Mommy says dirt’s not good, and doesn’t like when I get dirt places but
I like dirt. Ohhh we can play in it!” Her eyes widened with joy and Elizabeth smiled.
“I suppose we could. What else do you like to do?” my wife asked. The little girl shrugged.
“Dunno. Sometimes I help mommy but she said no today,” she said, chewing on her
bottom lip again. She pulled herself off of the ground finally, standing up beside my wife.
Elizabeth reached over and brushed some of the dirt off of her, but it was fruitless as there
was no way she’d get even close to being clean without a good hard scrubbing and a fresh
set of clothes. Elizabeth eyed her up, her gaze falling on the girl’s feet. She was barefoot, her
feet caked in dirt.
“You’re bleeding,” Elizabeth said, her brow furrowing. The little girl glanced down at her
feet, her face scrunched up once more. I smiled at how expressive the tiny frail thing was.
“You must’ve cut your toe on something. Does it burn?”
Isabella shook her head. “I always bleed, it doesn’t hurt! Mommy says I’m brave,” she said
proudly. Elizabeth smiled softly.
“Oh, I guess you are brave then!” she said lightly. “You might not bleed though if you wore
your shoes. The sand isn’t hot on your feet?”
Isabella shook her head again. “I like sand, it’s dirt! I don’t have shoes, mommy said when I
get bigger I can have hers but I’m not that big right now. And bleed’s okay if I don’t get it in
the house. I’m not supposed to go in there, master gets mad.”
The moment the word ‘master’ rolled from the little girls lips it dawned on my wife. I’d
been so engrossed in their conversation that it hadn’t struck me that my wife wouldn’t be
aware that the little girl was a slave. Slaves her age were rare in places like this and I heard
briefly in passing that the Swan’s had a child slave, so it didn’t entirely surprise me. But my
wife was another story. It should’ve been evident she wasn’t a member of the family, as no
mafia family that associated with us would ever allow one of their own little girls to be in
such a deplorable state, but of course it wouldn’t dawn on Elizabeth. The concept of that
tiny child being enslaved as a servant or worker would be something her mind naturally
would refuse to consider, not able to accept. Elizabeth would naturally assume the best, not
wanting to admit the worst scenario. Her mind would shield her from the possibility as a
defense mechanism, as a way of protecting her from pain.
As Elizabeth’s smile fell and her eyes widened with shock, I realized I should’ve warned her
in advance of the possibility. She stared at Isabella, her expression shifting through a
plethora of different emotions ranging from anger to sadness to pain. Isabella was
watching her hesitantly, looking confused.
“Lizzie?” I said softly, a bit worried about her. She ignored me and continued to stare at the
little girl intensely. I took a step toward them and heard footsteps behind me. The door
started to open and I turned my head around quickly, coming face-to-face with Charles
Senior. He looked startled by my presence and blinked a few times, pausing.
“Mr. Cullen, I didn’t hear you knock! It’s nice to see you,” he said politely, holding his hand
out to me. I shook his hand, gripping firmly as it’s a sign of respect and a way of sizing each
other up in our world. He was twice my age and had been around the organization for a lot
longer than me so he had seniority, although our ranks were equal. I knew the fact that my
father was boss gave me a slight edge over him, and I knew that he was aware of that too.
“You too,” I said. I turned around to point out my wife out of pleasantries and saw her
standing there, eyeing us warily. Isabella was also standing there, her eyes fixated on
Charles Senior. He glanced at my wife briefly and smiled before his eyes shifted to look at
the little girl. He grimaced, anger taking over his face.
“Girl, you know better than to be out here when I have company. Where is that damn
mother of yours?” he asked furiously. A look of fear flashed across the little girls face and
she flinched back from his tone. “Renee!!” he bellowed loudly, shaking his head.
“Incompetent fucking people.”
A woman came running around the corner from behind the house, freezing and eyes going
wide when she saw Isabella standing there. She glanced up at the porch, frightened. “I’m so
sorry sir, I should’ve been watching her better. I’ll accept the punishment and I swear it’ll
never happen again,” she said quickly. Charles Senior nodded and the woman ran over,
grabbing the child and picking her up. My wife stared at them, different emotions flashing
across her face. I could see her hands trembling and I knew she was fighting to keep her
emotions in check but she was struggling hard with it. She turned and watched as the
woman walked her daughter out toward a large patch of dirt under a barren tree. The
woman said something to Isabella, waving her finger in her face, her expression one of
definite disappointment. The little girl kept her head down and stared at the ground, her
posture rigid but practically screaming with sadness. She finally nodded and the woman
patted her on the head lightly, walking away and shaking her head. Isabella sat down in the
dirt, still staring at the ground.
Elizabeth didn’t even hesitate. I sighed and shook my head as she started off through the
yard, walking over to where Isabella sat. She crouched down in front of her and said
something, to which Isabella nodded. Elizabeth sat down in the dirt, spreading her legs out
in front of her, and Isabella’s face perked up. I watched with awe as my wife started
running her fingers through the dirt, gathering some up to make a pile. Isabella smiled, so
brightly I could see the shine of her teeth from where I stood, and started playing in the dirt
with my wife.
I sighed and turned toward Charles Senior, who was eyeing me warily. “I, uh… I didn’t
think…” he started. I held my hand up to stop him and shook my head.
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s just get the stuff and get it over with,” I said. He nodded and
walked into the house, and I followed behind him. We went into his office and sorted
through paperwork for a while, pulling out the files my father was requesting. It took about
an hour total before everything was together and I had what I needed.
We exchanged goodbyes and I walked to the front door, freezing when I glanced out and
saw my wife sitting on the porch with Isabella. I closed my eyes, sighing. Isabella as
giggling and Elizabeth had some cornhusk in her hand and as twisting it into the shape of a
doll. I opened up the door and stepped out onto the porch, both of them glancing back at
me.
“Can I borrow your pocket knife?” my wife asked immediately, joy in her voice. I sighed
and reached into my pocket, pulling it out. She took it from me and pulled the ribbon out of
her hair. She cut it up with the knife and started tying it, securing the doll together so it
maintained its shape. Once she had it secured she held the small doll out to Isabella. She
took it carefully, staring at it wide-eyed. There was wonder in her face, amazement. I
realized the girl probably had never had a toy before, never had anything to play with.
“We should be going,” I said quietly after a moment, unsure of how my wife was going to
react once all of it sunk in. She sighed and nodded, frowning slightly.
She reached her hand out and stroked Isabella’s knotted hair. “Thank you for letting me
play with you, Isabella,” she said softly. “You be a good girl for your mommy, okay?”
Isabella nodded. “I will. Will you come back to play with me more? I like you, I don’t have
real friends to play with.”
Elizabeth sighed and smiled sadly. I saw her eyes well up with tears and glanced away,
unable to bear watching it. “I’ll see what I can do, little one,” she said softly, her voice
shaking. Out of my peripheral I saw my wife lean in and press her lips against Isabella’s
forehead. “Goodbye, bella bambina.”
Elizabeth stood up and started down the steps toward the car. I followed her off the porch,
glancing back briefly at the little frail girl. She smiled brightly at me and waved when she
saw me look at her. I gave her a brief smile before turning away and heading toward the
car, but was stopped dead in my tracks when something hit my leg. I glanced down quickly,
stunned, and saw Isabella was clinging to my leg, hugging it.
I laughed and reached down, patting her head lightly. “Thank you for visiting me!” she said
brightly, letting go of me. I smiled and nodded.
“You’re welcome, child,” I said. She nodded and turned, skipping away from us out toward
the big dirt patch. We watched as she plopped down in it, sending the hot sand flying
everywhere. I turned back toward the car and I opened the passenger door, helping
Elizabeth in before walking around to the driver’s side. I slid into the car and started it up,
turning the air conditioner up on full power. I was drenched in sweat now and my clothes
were clinging to me, but of course it didn’t seem to bother Elizabeth a bit. I tossed the files
I’d gotten from Charles Senior in the back seat and put the car in reverse, swinging around
and starting down the drive. Elizabeth sat quietly, staring out the window as we pulled
away from the house, a dazed expression on her face. I saw the tears slip down her cheek
and sighed, reaching over and brushing some away with my fingers.
I glanced at the clock and smiled. “We’ll make it back to Vegas in enough time to see the
show tonight,” I said. Elizabeth sighed and shook her head.
“Just take me home, Carlisle,” she said softly. “I want to see my children.”
I frowned and nodded, not entirely surprised but a tad bit hurt. I pulled out onto the
highway and the car once again fell into a deep silence, the only sound being the engine
roaring and the transmission shifting gears. It wasn’t an angry silence this time, but a
solemn one. I glanced over at my wife periodically, the sight of her staring out the window
crying shattering my heart.
“You know, the boys are getting older, maybe we can start trying for a little girl now,” I said
finally, wanting her to cheer up. She always wanted more children but we stopped for a bit
after Edward because she was so overwhelmed. But he was four now and would be starting
school soon like the other boys, so having another baby now made sense.
Elizabeth didn’t react at first, continued to stare out the window at the scenery flying by.
Her lack of reaction worried me a bit and I started tensing up slightly, the silence once
again starting to grate my nerves.
She shook her head slightly after a bit. “The only girl I’m trying for Carlisle is that bella
bambina back there at that house, because someone needs to save her. She’s too bright, too
good to be trapped in a life like that. If you want to give me a daughter Carlisle, give me
that one.”
~*~
That was how Isabella Swan had come barreling into my life, turning everything I knew
upside down. I inquired about her a week later, and Charles Senior begrudgingly informed
me that she wasn’t for sale. No matter how much money I offered, he wouldn’t budge. I
tried to explain it to my wife and hoped she’d drop it but she just wouldn’t accept it. The
frail tiny girl she’d met in Phoenix had become almost an obsession to her and I continually
told her to let it go, to drop it, and after awhile I thought she did…but I was wrong. She’d
gone behind my back, hiring private investigators and doing research, contacting people
and asking questions she shouldn’t have been asking. And I had been oblivious to it all,
living inside my shell of ignorance and naively believing my life was fine. That everything
was great. I was a keen person, I had a sharp eye and very little slipped by me, but my wife
had a knack for secrecy. She’d spent her entire life wearing a mask, hiding things from
people, and she managed to hide it from me. I had no idea what my wife was up to,
although I should’ve been aware. I should’ve known she wouldn’t drop it, I should’ve
known what that little girl meant to her.
She’d been so desperate to save Emmett, a child produced from rape, because she’d been
raped herself. She didn’t care what it did to her, the strain it put on her already stressed
life. She saw it as a sign that she’d been there at that exact moment when Maria stood on
that corner holding that baby. God had brought him to her as amends for what she’d
endured. I should’ve known she’d see Isabella the same way.
It’s been nearly thirteen years since that afternoon in Phoenix and nine since Elizabeth’s
death, and not a single day has gone by that I hadn’t thought of the little girl my wife
sacrificed herself for. It was hard for me to accept, and would be ever harder for Edward to
accept.
I never told the boys who killed their mother and why. They all just assumed she was
collateral damage, a random casualty resulting from being connected to the mafia. I
allowed them to believe it all fell upon my shoulders, not having the heart to tell them that
their mother had been murdered because she did something she knew better than to do.
She asked questions, and I’d told her many times before that you simply couldn’t do that in
my world. Asking questions, sticking your nose in people’s business gets you killed. She
knew that and she did it anyway. I didn’t want my sons to think their mother casually threw
her life away for a stranger, essentially abandoning them trying to save some little girl that
none of us really knew. I didn’t want them to believe their mother thought that slave child
was more important than them, didn’t want them to doubt the love she’d felt for them.
And I was even more afraid of telling them now… how do you tell your child that his
mother was murdered in front of him and he was nearly killed himself because of his
girlfriend? How do you explain that he was broken, and was being pieced back together by
the very same person who inadvertently caused him to shatter in the first place? How could
I make my son see that it wasn’t Isabella’s fault, when part of myself still blamed her after
all of these years?
My wife had been desperate to save the child, so desperate that she’d sacrificed herself for
her, and I was doing all I could to try to finish what she’d started… but it was hard, because
that blackness still lurked under the surface of my skin, threatening to consume me.
I jumped slightly when I felt Esme’s hand on my shoulder. I’d been so lost in thought that I
nearly forgot she was still in the room. She sighed and rubbed my back gently.
“She asked me about her mother, you know. Wanted to know if I’d seen her,” Esme said. I
smiled lightly, nodding.
“I’m a bit surprised she hasn’t asked me about her mother at all, but I guess she wouldn’t
be that comfortable with me. I still see the apprehension and fear in her eyes when she’s
around me,” I said. “I really fucked up with her, but I guess that’s what I’m good at. Fuck
up after fuck up.”
“Ah, don’t be so hard on yourself. I think there’s always room for redemption,” she said. “In
fact, I have faith you’ll find a way to work all of this out, to save her as Elizabeth wanted her
saved and still find a way for those beautiful children outside to be happy together.”
She nodded toward the window and I glanced up, seeing Edward and Isabella exit the trees
and step into the backyard. They were both smiling brightly, laughing. I groaned, shaking
my head.
“You always thought too highly of me, Esme,” I said, standing up. “I’m not a miracle
worker. But whenever they come inside, tell Isabella to come on up to my office so I can
speak to her.”
I headed out of the room, ignoring Esme’s penetrating gaze. I scaled the steps quickly,
heading straight for my office. I opened the door and slipped inside, shutting it behind me.
I flicked the light on and walked over, plopping down in my chair. I sighed and opened my
laptop, turning it on. I opened my bottom desk drawer and pulled out some charts, flipping
through them and taking some notes.
Work with the organization was getting heavy again, as there was so much heat coming at
us from all angles that they seemed to be constantly requiring my attention. My job at the
hospital was getting strained, I wasn’t there as much as I’d like and more of the burden was
being placed on the other doctors. I’d always wanted to be a doctor and help heal people,
which maybe some would find odd since I’d ended quite a few lives callously. While my
father was boss it was impossible, as he held high hopes for me following directly in his
footsteps within the organization. He felt medical school was useless, a waste of time, and
felt I should be focusing more of my attention on the outfit. He died about a year after
Elizabeth and I took that fateful trip to Phoenix, heart attack in his sleep. Aro moved up in
rank then, taking over as Boss. Aro had taken me under his wing early on and I found
myself moving up in rank quite quickly under his leadership. After everything that
happened with Elizabeth and I moved my boys to Washington, Aro gave his blessing for me
to practice medicine. He was a lenient man, I was grateful for that. He understood the
importance of family and he clung to his family tightly, which could be both a blessing and
a curse. I was finding it to be a bit of both these days, growing more into a curse every day
though.
I was typing out an email to a work colleague when there was a soft timid tap on the door.
“Come in,” I yelled, knowing at once that it was Isabella. The door opened slowly and she
stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. I glanced up at her and noticed the fright
right away, as it was shining fiercely from her eyes. Isabella was a tough girl, the type of girl
who kept secrets quite well. A lot like my wife that way. But she didn’t know me very well at
all; she didn’t know how well I could read people.
Both her and my son thought they were slick for sure, but they’d both made a few mistakes
along the way. Granted it wasn’t as many as I thought they’d make, given the situation. She
slipped up right away and practically admitted to me that she could read, and it never even
dawned on her. Her very first day here she read the window cleaner bottle, as it had a note
on it saying to use it for the windows. She knew what it said, used it on the windows, and
later acknowledged it when I asked.
The two of them had been on their best behavior when the cameras were turned on in the
house, keeping their distance from each other, but it was still clear watching the footage
that there was something between them. It was almost like magnetism the way they moved
around each other. I could see the subtle brushes of skin as they walked by each other, the
looks they exchanged. They had made a mistake regarding the outside cameras that aligned
the property, as I spotted him kissing her in his car just a few days ago, but once again—not
as many mistakes as I expected them to make.
“Have a seat, Isabella,” I said, nodding toward the chair across from me. She nodded in
acknowledgement and walked over to the chair, sitting down carefully. She was eyeing me
warily, keeping her expression blank but her eyes were expressive. I shut the laptop and
gazed at her for a moment. “Are you having a good day, dolcezza?” I asked. She smiled
lightly and nodded.
“Yes, sir. Thank you,” she said politely. She was always polite, always minded her manners
around me.
“Good,” I said, nodding. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”
I saw the panic flash in her eyes but she nodded. “Of course I don’t mind,” she said.
“Prior to me showing up that afternoon when I got you from your father, do you recall ever
seeing me?” I asked. Her brow furrowed a bit, her face scrunching up in confusion. I smiled
involuntarily, because it reminded me of that look she gave Elizabeth that day when she
told her she was dirty.
“No, sir,” she said hesitantly finally, eyeing me suspiciously. I nodded, sighing. The visit to
Phoenix on our anniversary hadn’t been the only time we had contact with Isabella. A few
months after that my father sent me back down and Elizabeth begged me to go along. I
resisted at first but finally agreed, as occasionally wives travelled with us on business and
figured there’d be no harm in it. We went a third time about two months after the second
trip, and that time we took Edward along with us. I imagined if she didn’t recall meeting
me, there was no way she’d recall having met Edward before. Edward had just turned five
at the time and Isabella was still three, so it didn’t exactly surprise me that neither had
memory of the event, but I had to wonder if maybe their prior meeting made them
subconsciously feel at ease with each other, feel slightly familiar. I also often wondered if
the fact that Edward looked like Elizabeth seemed to register in Isabella’s subconscious,
even if she didn’t understand it herself. I’d tricked her on Thanksgiving, and felt horrible
about it but she was evading me as much as possible and I wanted a reason to spend some
time alone with her without raising much suspicion. So I threw the eggs away that she
bought at the grocery store, knowing she’d need them to cook Thanksgiving dinner, and
had her ride in the car with me to the store. I asked her along the ride if she had any idea of
why she seemed at ease with Edward, wanting to gauge if maybe he did subconsciously
seem familiar, but she evaded my question quite expertly.
“The very first time I met you, Isabella, you were three years old,” I said, knowing there was
no harm in disclosing this much. “Well, you told my wife and I that you were three, but you
held up two fingers.” She cracked a smile at that fact and I smiled in return. “Anyway, it
just surprises me a bit that you recall my sister but not me, as I saw you a few times over
the years.”
Her smile fell, the panic back in her eyes. “I’m sorry, sir,” she said quickly. My brow
furrowed a bit in confusion.
“An apology is unnecessary, child. I was really just curious, that’s all. But anyway, the
reason I asked you to come in here is because I have something to give you. I debated for
awhile whether or not giving this to you would be beneficial but figured it would be rude of
me to hold it in my possession and not share it with you,” I said. She stared at me with
confusion and apprehension.
“Okay,” she said softly. I smiled lightly and opened up my top desk drawer, pulling out the
picture. I’d had it for a few weeks, since my visit to Phoenix with Alec. He was sent there on
business, as he usually is considering it’s his sister’s residence, and I trudged along for my
personal reasons. He knew part of the reason I was there, to obtain this picture, but I didn’t
share the rest of it with it. I didn’t want to burden him with the knowledge and involve him
unnecessarily, so I didn’t tell him that I was really there for Renee’s DNA.
I placed the picture down in front of me and slid it across the desk to her. She picked it up
hesitantly, her hand trembling slightly, and glanced down at it. Her eyes widened with
shock as she took in the picture and I saw the tears welling up immediately.
“I saw your mother a few weeks ago while on business and took that photograph. I thought
you should know that she’s doing fine. She inquired about you and I told her you were
settling in well. She asked me to relay to you that she loves you,” I said.
Isabella stared at the picture intensely, her blank mask slipping and a plethora of different
emotions flashing across her face. The tears started slipping down her cheek and she
brought her finger up, tracing her mother’s outline in the photo. She finally glanced up at
me after a minute, her face streaked with tears.
“Thank you,” she croaked out, her voice strained. I smiled and she cleared her throat,
blushing. “Thank you for showing me, sir.”
I nodded. “You’re welcome. That’s really all I wanted, so you can go rejoin the festivities
with the kids,” I said, standing up and walking around the desk toward the door. She
nodded and stood up, glancing back down at the picture. She held it out to me with a
trembling hand after a moment and I shook my head. “You may keep it.”
She eyes widened slightly with surprise. I opened the door for her so she could leave, as I
knew she’d probably be uncomfortable alone with me still, and she took a few steps toward
it. Her steps faltered after a moment and she swung around quickly to face me. My brow
furrowed and she rushed at me quickly. I braced myself, shocked as she flung her arms
around me, hugging me. I laughed, stunned as she clung to me, and put my arms around
her lightly, patting her back gently.
“Thank you so much, Dr. Cullen,” she said enthusiastically. I nodded as she pulled back
from me.
“You’re welcome, child. You know, you did that the first time I met you, except then you
barely came up to my knee,” I said, remembering the stunning hug she’d given me out of
nowhere as I was leaving. Isabella looked shocked at that piece of information and I
chuckled, nodding. “You weren’t so shy back then.”
She smiled lightly and turned back around, heading out of the office. I heard her hit the
steps for the third floor and closed my office door, walking over and sitting back down. I
started going through files again and about fifteen minutes later there was another knock,
this one quite a bit louder than Isabella’s. I opened my mouth to tell them to enter, but
before I could utter a single word the door was flung open. I sighed and shook my head.
“You really shouldn’t enter a room without permission, Edward,” I said, shutting the folder
in front of me and gazing at my son. He paused inside the room, holding a long box.
“Why, you got something you’re trying to hide? I didn’t think we kept secrets around here,”
he said, smirking. I rolled my eyes but smiled at his not-so-subtle attempt to try to get
information.
“I suppose I probably keep as many secrets as you do, son,” I said lightly. He just stood
there and stared at me, and I saw a brief flicker of panic in his expression. I’d been seeing it
a lot more lately, as I knew he had suspicions that I knew what they were doing. “Are you
going to sit down?” I asked finally. He shrugged and walked over to my desk, sitting the
long box down on top of my folders. I looked at it with confusion and his smirk grew.
“Aw, come on. Did you really think I’d only give you a fucking medical journal for
Christmas? I thought you knew me better than that shit,” he said, plopping down in the
chair across from my desk. I smiled and shook my head, not entirely surprised.
“I do know you son, quite well in fact,” I said. I opened the box, my eyes widening slightly
when they fell upon the M1 Garand. I pulled it out of the box, eyeing it, my smile growing.
It was a beautiful gun, a masterpiece in my opinion and one of my favorites. I’d been quite
pissed when the government seized mine over all that nonsense back in Chicago and never
returned it even after I was cleared of any wrong doing, claiming they ‘misplaced’ it. I’d
been denied from the government every time I attempted to get another one, even though
my criminal record was technically squeaky-clean, because they knew I was in the mafia
although they couldn’t prove it. You could get them on the black market sometimes, but
every one I ever came across was in deplorable condition and they wanted an outrageous
amount of money for it. “Well shit son, what did I do to deserve this?” I asked, glancing at
him. He shrugged.
“No one said you fucking deserved it,” he said jokingly. I laughed, shaking my head.
“Thank you anyway. But I have to ask, where the hell did you get this thing?” I asked. He
shrugged again, smirking. I was very curious as to what my son’s connections were, as he
never went through me or any of my usual sources to obtain his weapons. I couldn’t exactly
get angry at him, though, but it was a bit frightening that my youngest was already so deep
into the lifestyle that he could obtain an M1 Garand at the age of seventeen with relatively
little problem. I wanted more for him, as he was too bright to resort to illegal activity to
survive. We had plenty of money; he didn’t need to involve himself for that reason. I didn’t
want him to make the same mistakes I made and jump into it without knowing what he
was doing, without truly understanding the implications. I knew Aro held high hopes for
Edward joining him in Chicago, and I knew I was being a hypocrite by not wanting it to
happen, but the idea of him following in my footsteps scared me.
“Oddest thing, I was walking down the street and just fucking stumbled upon it. True
story,” he said playfully. I laughed again.
“Yeah, I bet,” I said, shaking my head. “Thank you seriously, though.”
He nodded. “You’re welcome,” he said seriously. “We’ll say it’s my way of making up for all
the bullshit I’ve pulled the past few years.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Oh no, it’s going to take a lot more than a gun to make up
for that,” I said. “You could’ve killed Jacob, could’ve burned down Billy Blacks house. You
pissed off an entire Native American tribe. You can’t bribe me with a gun and expect that to
be forgiven.”
He shrugged, running his hand through his hair. “You sent my ass to preppy school for
goddamn months with a bunch of degenerate geeks. I think I’ve paid plenty for my crime.”
I nodded. “I suppose you did. No girls for months, the ultimate punishment for you, huh?”
I said. He shrugged nonchalantly and I smiled. My son had been quite the arrogant
playboy, which had been what got him into the trouble in the first place, and I was glad he
was over that now. I knew why, I knew it was because of Isabella and I was grateful for that,
even if I couldn’t exactly be happy about their relationship. I wasn’t sure if he was being
intimate with Isabella, and I hoped not but a part of me acknowledged it was a real
possibility. I didn’t like not knowing what was going on under my roof but that was one
subject I chose not to dive into, choosing to simply hope he wouldn’t do that. She was safe
at least, as I’d put her on birth control as a random precaution, so at least I knew there
wouldn’t be any accidental offspring to worry about complicating matters.
I did know they slept together. I found that out by accident.
“I survived,” he said simply after a moment. I nodded.
“It’s good to have you home, son, really,” I said. “I hope you never have to go away again.”
He smiled.
“Yeah, me too. It’s good to be home.”
*****
È stato amore a prima vista = It was love at first sight
stella mia = my star
Ti amo, perdonilo. Per favore =I love you, forgive me. Please.
'O sole mio = my sun
bella bambina =beautiful little girl
Chapter 39 Something Rather Than
Nothing
“I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one
touch of her hand, than eternity without it.” -- City of Angels movie
I opened the backdoor to the house, stepping aside so Isabella could walk in. Her cheeks
were flushed, her nose bright red. She was sniffling and her clothes were soaked from
rolling around in the snow, so she was obviously fucking cold. She shivered as she stepped
in the house, her body attempting to adjust to the warmth once more. She glanced at me
and gave me a small smile as she started heading toward the stairs, and I shut the door. My
brothers and their girlfriends were still outside playing around, but it was too goddamn
cold for me. My dick was fucking frozen, my balls about to goddamn shrivel up inside of
me. I liked the snow and all, but only in limited quantity.
I started in the direction of the stairs, dripping fucking water and snow all over the
goddamn floor, but there wasn’t much I could do about it without stripping right then and
there. And I would’ve fucking done it, as I had no shame, but I wasn’t so sure Esme would
appreciate me walking around the house, cock hanging out, balls all flapping in the wind
and shit.
Isabella hit the bottom step and was about to start up them when Esme stepped out from
the kitchen. She glanced at me briefly, smiling, before turning her attention to Isabella.
“Isabella, dear, Carlisle wants to see you in his office when you get a moment,” she said.
Isabella tensed up slightly, pausing. She turned her head to look at Esme and smiled, but it
was obviously forced. I could see the slight alarm in her eyes.
“Yes, ma’am,” she said softly. “Thank you.” She glanced at me briefly with a look of panic
before turning and starting up the stairs. I turned to look at Esme, cocking an eyebrow at
her questioningly.
“Hey isn’t planning on ruining her goddamn Christmas, is he?” I asked. Esme smiled and
shook her head.
“No, I’m quite sure he’s about to make it a million times better, kiddo,” she said. I
narrowed my eyes slightly.
“How?” I asked.
“Why don’t you wait and ask her? I’m sure she’ll tell you,” she said, giving me that knowing
smirk. I rolled my eyes but smiled lightly, as it felt fucking good to have Esme know.
“Yeah, she’ll tell me,” I said, shaking my head. “She doesn’t keep shit from me.”
Esme’s eyes widened slightly and she eyed me skeptically. “She doesn’t?” she asked. I
shook my head no and she nodded. “So does she tell you about her life in Phoenix?”
I shrugged. “She’s told me some. I mean, it’s not exactly a favorite topic of hers, considering
the shit that crazy bitch-ass sister-in-law of yours did. I’m goddamn mad at your husband
about that shit, by the way. You make sure to tell him I’m going to kick his fucking ass
someday for it. He should’ve fucking smothered her with a pillow when they were kids or
something.”
Esme started laughing. “You know you can’t blame Alec for what his sister does. And I’d
like to see you try to beat up my husband,” she said, nudging me with her elbow. “He’d
knock you out quick.”
I chuckled. “Whatever, I could take him if he’d fucking fight fairly. But knowing him, he’d
just stand there and let me punch him a few times and then pull out his goddamn pistol
and pop me right between the eyes.”
She sighed, shaking her head. “He wouldn’t do that,” she said. I rolled my eyes.
“Stronzata, you know goddamn well he would. Uncle Alec is cool and all but he can be
fucking scary with his silence,” I said. When I was a little kid he used to frighten the shit
out of me with his mannerisms. He’s the type that only speaks when he’s got something
important to say, otherwise he just sits there and listens, absorbing what everyone else says
and observing peoples behavior. When you’re a little kid that can freak you out, make you
feel like you’re under a damn microscope and he’s just waiting for you to fuck up. I used to
hate it when mom and dad would drop us off at Esme’s to stay when Alec was home, would
throw goddamn fits. They’d cave sometimes and take me with them, but most of the time
Dad would just give me that look that said ‘take it like a fucking man’ and they’d leave. And
I’d be on edge the entire damn time because Alec was a stealthy motherfucker and would
sneak up on you and shit. It’s no wonder he started out as a goddamn hitman within the
organization.
I always got the feeling he creeped mom out a bit, because she’d always be eyeing him
warily when he was around and he always kept his distance from her, like he fucking knew
she was weirded out by him or something. After Mom died he started coming around more
with Esme and I got used to him for the most part over time. He was pretty fucking
harmless, which obviously he had to have a damn heart for someone like Esme to stay with
him for so long, and we got along quite well… even though every now and then he still
freaked the shit out of me.
“My husband may be a quiet man, but he’s not callous,” she said, gazing at me. “He cares
about you, you know that.”
I smiled. “I know. Why the fuck isn’t he here though? He got something better to do than
hang out with us on Christmas?” I asked. She sighed.
“He was going to come, but he wasn’t sure how Isabella would react to him so he stayed
home,” she said. I looked at her with surprise and she smiled lightly. “He said he knows if
he manages to freak you out he’d surely frighten the timid Swan girl, especially because of
him being related to Jane. I suppose it’s a good thing he didn’t come, considering she was
scared of even me.”
I laughed dryly. “Yeah, Alec would’ve definitely freaked her the fuck out. That was nice of
him though. Maybe I won’t fuck him up next time I see him, after all, since he was being all
considerate and shit about Bella,” I said. Esme’s eyes widened slightly and she laughed.
“Bella?” she asked. I groaned and rolled my eyes.
“Yes, Bella. Got a fucking problem with it?” I asked. She continued to laugh lightly to
herself and shook her head.
“No…. just reminded me of your mother, that’s all,” she said. My eyes narrowed slightly.
“Why does me calling her Bella remind you of my mother?” I asked. She glanced at me with
confusion briefly before her eyes flickered with something that looked goddamn close to
being panic. “The truth, Esme. Because I know you fucking know it and I don’t like people
keeping shit from me.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It just reminded
me of your mother because she liked that word--bella.”
My eyes narrowed more. “Why’s it such a big deal that you can’t even tell me?” I asked. She
glanced at me and shrugged.
“Not my secret to tell,” she said. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.
“Whatever,” I mumbled, irritated. She sighed and reached over, rubbing her hand gently on
my back.
“Sorry kiddo, you’re going to have to ask you father. I can’t blab his secrets any more than I
can blab yours. Speaking of which, isn’t it a tad hypocritical to get mad at people for not
bringing you into the loop when you’ve been trying to keep your father out of the loop
yourself?” she asked. I stared at her for a moment, knowing she was fucking right but not
liking being called out on him.
“Trying?” I asked after a second when it registered exactly what she’d said. “Are you
insinuating I’m failing? Does he know? Christ, is that why he fucking called her into his
office?” I felt a bit of panic surge through me, and Esme must’ve sensed it because she
rolled her eyes at me.
“Oh geez, quit being so paranoid,” she said. “I told you he was up there doing something
good. Relax.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m trying to relax but damn, it’s a lot easier said than done. Do
you have any idea how hard this shit is? I’m just waiting for it all to come crashing down or
blow up in our fucking faces the moment my father figures out I’m in love with his fucking
sla--.” I paused, unable to even finish the damn word. I heard Esme chuckle lightly and
glanced over at her cocking an eyebrow. “Something fucking funny?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No, just had a strange sense of déjà vu. Just ignore me,” she said. I
looked at her with confusion but she gave me a look that clearly said ‘don’t bother asking’
so I shrugged it off, knowing it was a waste of time to even try to pry anything out of her.
She always kept dad’s secrets, would take them to the fucking grave with her.
“Whatever,” I mumbled, a bit irritated at the situation. Esme smiled and started rubbing
my back again.
“For what it’s worth, I think she’s a charming girl. You guys are sweet together,” she said.
“Thanks,” I muttered. “I’m not entirely sure my father will share the sentiment though.”
She sighed.
“Your father’s complicated, you know that. Just tread lightly with him for the time being
and I’m sure it’ll all work out,” she said softly. I sighed and nodded, running my hand
through my hair. It made me feel slightly better to hear Esme say that, to have her support,
but the entire situation still worried me. There was a brief pause before she sighed. “Your
mother would be happy.”
I cut my eyes at her, nodding. “I think mom would’ve liked her. If she’d have ever gotten
the chance to meet her, anyway,” I said. Esme’s eyes widened slightly and there was a
flicker of surprise on her face before she straightened her expression out. I narrowed my
eyes suspiciously. “It’s a big goddamn secret, isn’t it?” I asked.
She smiled lightly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. I groaned loudly,
aggravated.
“What the fuck ever. I’m going to go take a shower and change, so you might not want to
come up to my room unless you want a show,” I grumbled, turning and heading for the
stairs. I started up them but Esme’s voice stopped me halfway to the second floor.
“Edward?” she said softly, with compassion. I glanced over at her and saw she was smiling
lovingly. “It would’ve been impossible for Elizabeth not to have loved Isabella.”
I stared at her for a moment before nodding. I sighed and started back up the steps. I
noticed my father’s office door closed when I hit the second floor, as Isabella was obviously
in there with him. I headed up toward the third floor and pushed open my bedroom door,
slipping inside. I flicked the light on and shut the door behind me, starting to strip my
damp clothes off at once. I tossed them over to the hamper, most of them falling to the
floor beside it but I didn’t give a shit at the moment. I headed into the bathroom and
turned the water on, stepping under the spray of the shower once the water was warm. I
washed my hair and stood under the spray a bit, allowing the water to warm my body and
pinken my skin slightly. I finally shut the water off after a bit and climbed out, grabbing a
white towel and drying off. I wrapped it around my waist and headed back into the
bedroom, freezing abruptly when I spotted Isabella sitting on the edge of my bed. She was
holding a picture in her hand, staring down at it intensely.
“Whatcha got, baby?” I asked softly, curious. She glanced up at me and my brow furrowed
when I noticed her cheeks were stained with tears, her eyes bloodshot from crying. “Are
you okay?”
She smiled lightly, nodding. She held up the picture in her hand slightly. “It’s uh… it’s my
mother,” she said softly, her voice cracking. My eyes widened with shock.
“You’ve got a picture of your mom?” I asked. She nodded.

“Your father just gave it to me,” she said softly, looking away from me and glancing back
down at it. “He took it for me when he went to Phoenix with your uncle.”
I stared at her with shock for a moment, pretty stunned at how fucking nice that was of my
father. I ran a hand through my wet hair and it dawned on me that I was just standing
there, completely fucking naked besides that small ass towel barely covering my dick. I
walked over to my dresser, opening the top drawer and pulling out a pair of boxers.
“Well that was awfully fucking nice of him,” I said. I turned back toward her and saw her
gaze was fixated on me, her eyes lingering down my chest. I cleared my throat after a
second and her eyes snapped up to my face. “You wanna watch me get dressed?” I asked
playfully. Her eyes widened slightly and she blushed, her cheeks flushing pink. I chuckled,
shaking my head. “Well then avert your eyes tesoro because I’m about to drop this towel.”
She turned her head slightly so she was looking the other way, but I caught sight of her
cutting her eyes toward me as I removed the towel. I started laughing, and her blush
deepened as she snapped her eyes closed and swung the entire way around so her back was
to me.
I shook my head, chuckling, and tossed the towel over toward the hamper. I slipped my
boxers on quickly and grabbed a pair of jeans. I pulled them on, buttoned them up, and
walked over to the bed. I sat down beside Isabella, sighing, and wrapped my arms around
her. She jumped slightly but opened her eyes and leaned into me.
“Can I see?” I asked, reaching over for the picture she was holding. She automatically
gripped it tighter when I touched it and I chuckled. “I’m going to give it right back, Bella.”
She glanced at me and smiled sheepishly, letting it go so I could take it. “Sorry,” she
mumbled, sounding slightly embarrassed. I smiled and shrugged.
“No big deal,” I said, glancing down at the photo. It was a picture of a woman, quite skinny
and a bit frail looking, with short brown hair. I recognized her immediately, as I’d seen the
drawing Isabella had made of her that time in her bedroom, and could easily see a lot of
Isabella’s features in her. She was standing in what looked like the desert, which made
fucking sense since Phoenix was pretty much the goddamn desert, and there was a large
white and gray house in the background. Beside the house was another smaller building, a
shabby looking barn, and behind the house were some large brown formations and rows of
trees. My brow furrowed and I stared at it for a moment, as the scene seemed strikingly
familiar for some reason.
Isabella leaned her head over to rest it on my shoulder, sighing. “Now you see my home,”
she said softly, reaching over and pointing at the barn.
“That’s not your home. Your home is with me,” I said firmly, not liking her fucking calling
that ridiculous place home. “And I can’t believe they really made you live in that fucking
thing.”
She shrugged. “I survived,” she said simply. I rolled my eyes.
“There’s a lot more to life than just surviving, Isabella,” I said. She sighed lightly.
“Like what?” she asked. I shrugged.
“I dunno. Fuck, how about being happy?” I said, not knowing how to answer that. She
laughed lightly.
“Happiness is nothing but good health and a poor memory,” she said playfully. My brow
furrowed and I glanced over at her to see a small smile on her lips. She peeked at me and
her smile grew as she lifted her head up from my shoulder. “Albert Schweitzer.”
I rolled my eyes playfully. “You and those damn Schweitzer quotes. I swear to Christ you’re
too smart for your own good, you could probably do my fucking homework for me,” I said.
“I wouldn’t say all that,” she said, laughing. “I know what I know, no more and no less.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Whatever, Bella Ragazza. You should give yourself more
credit. Like with your drawing, you fucking doubt yourself when you have no reason to,
you’re talented.”
“Thank you,” she said softly, genuinely. I gave her a smile and nodded, gazing at her for a
moment before leaning in. I kissed her lips gently, bringing my tongue out to taste her
mouth briefly.
“Prego,” I said, pulling away. Her brow furrowed minutely.
“Prego? Isn’t that spaghetti sauce?” she asked with confusion. I started laughing, shaking
my head at her seriousness. She looked so fucking cute with that crease in her brow, the
look of concentration and confusion on her face.
“It’s a brand of sauce, yes. But it means ‘you’re welcome’ in Italian,” I said. She nodded and
smiled and I turned my attention back to the picture. “That house looks kinda familiar.”
“Really?” she asked. I nodded.
“Yeah. I’ve probably seen a picture of it before or something,” I said, shrugging. “Anyway,
thank you for showing me. We’ll have to get you a frame for it.”
I held the picture out to her and she took it carefully, glancing down at it and smiling
lightly. “Can I ask you a question?” she asked. I nodded. “Why don’t you have pictures of
your mom?”
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “We do. Most of them are up in the attic with
the rest of mom’s stuff but there are a few around here somewhere. It’s just… they’re just a
little hard to constantly look at.” After Dad arrived home to stay after that first year and
Esme left, he went through the entire house and took down every picture of Mom that
Esme had hung up. I know he kept one in his office drawer, as I’d walked in and caught
him looking at it before, but he packed the rest of them away. Us boys had pictures of her
but we too kept them put up. It probably didn’t make any sense to her, but it was easier not
to have to look at her face every day. I guess some people would call it avoidance or
whatever, but it’s less painful that way. “I’ll have to dig one out so you can see her one of
these days.”
Isabella smiled. “I’d like that. I bet she’s beautiful.”
I chuckled. “Of course. She made me,” I said playfully. Isabella pushed me lightly, rolling
her eyes, but laughed. “Okay, Okay. I know, I’m conceited. But yeah, she was beautiful. I do
look like her, though. Reddish hair, Green eyes. Anyway… enough about that.”
She looked over at me, eyeing me for a moment, but nodded in understanding. She fixed
her attention back on the picture of her mother and I stood up, walking over and grabbing
a shirt out of my closet.
“I should go see if your aunt needs any help,” she said softly. I slipped my shirt on and
turned around to glance at her.
“I’m sure she’d like that,” I said. “You don’t have to though.” Isabella smiled and stood up.
“I know,” she said, walking over and pausing right in front of me. She smiled wider for a
moment, the sight of it causing my chest to swell a bit. God, she looked so fucking
genuinely happy, happier than I’d ever seen her really look. I couldn’t deny it made me
fucking jealous a bit that it was because of something my father did for her, but I couldn’t
be an asshole and let my issues ruin her high. “I’ll see you downstairs, handsome.”
She stood up on her tiptoes and brushed her lips to mine quickly. I chuckled and shook my
head as she turned and walked out the door. She went into her room and sat the picture
down on her dresser before heading out and descending the stairs.
I grabbed the box that held my father’s real gift and headed out of the room to the second
floor. I didn’t give it to him while we were exchanging gifts because I knew Jasper would be
uncomfortable with the shit and I didn’t want to do that to him on Christmas. I stopped at
my father’s office door and knocked briefly before pushing the door open.
“You really shouldn’t enter a room without permission, Edward,” my father said at once,
shutting a folder in front of him and peering at me.
“Why, you got something you’re trying to hide? I didn’t think we kept secrets around here,”
I said, smirking, calling him out on his bullshit. He smiled and rolled his eyes, obviously
amused.
“I suppose I probably keep as many secrets as you do, son,” he said after a moment, eyeing
me curiously and still looking amused. His words registered and I started panicking again
but pushed that shit back, not wanting it to show. He was fucking testing me, I knew it.
“Are you going to sit down?” he asked after a moment, cocking at eyebrow at me. I
shrugged and walked over to the desk, trying to keep my nerves at bay. I sat the box down
in front of him, watching him. He looked at the box with apprehension, obviously having
no fucking clue what it was.
“Aw, come on. Did you really think I’d only give you a fucking medical journal for
Christmas? I thought you knew me better than that shit,” I said, plopping my ass down in
the chair across from him. He smiled, looking quite pleased. Yeah, he fucking knew it was
contraband right off the bat.
“I do know you son, quite well in fact,” he said nonchalantly, but I couldn’t help but feel
like there were some fucking deep connotations to that. Christ, Esme was right, I was
goddamn paranoid. He opened the box and looked shocked to see the M1 Garand, pulling it
out and fucking beaming with joy. “Well shit son, what did I do to deserve this?” he asked,
looking up at me. I had the sudden urge to tell him he deserved it because he was going to
fucking accept my relationship with Isabella whether he liked it or not, but instead I kept
my mouth shut and just shrugged because the odds of that shit happening weren’t very
high.
“No one said you fucking deserved it,” I said playfully. He laughed and asked me where I
got it, and I played it off like I usually did. There was no fucking way I was giving up my
source, as I knew there was a good chance if I did he’d end up shutting them down. He
thanked me and then got serious for a moment when that bullshit with Jacob Black got
brought up again. The Quileute tribe was still sensitive about the shit, pretty upset over
what I’d done on their land, so I didn’t expect dad to be happy about it all but I hated when
he threw that shit in my face. He brought up the fact that I hadn’t had any girls when I was
away, since it was an all-boys school, and I didn’t know what to say. I mean, yeah, the shit
had been torture at the time because sex was really all I had back then. And I can’t deny
that I miss the shit. I miss getting my dick wet, would give anything to smell a woman’s
arousal and feel the slick heat wrapped around me and hear the sweaty skin slapping, but
I’m not going to die without it. I found something much better, something worth waiting
for.
So I told him I survived, because fuck I did. My girl told me I was a survivor and I guess she
was right. No matter what, I always fucking survive. Just like her. I meant it when I said
there was more to life than just surviving though, because there was and we’d find it
together.
“It’s good to have you home, son, really,” he said. “I hope you never have to go away again.”
I smiled, because his voice sounded goddamn genuine and that was nice to hear.
“Yeah, me too. It’s good to be home,” I said. I had no intention of going anywhere again,
not unless I took Isabella with me.
He nodded and gazed at me for a moment, smiling. “Well thank you for the toy,” he said,
holding the gun up. “I’ll have to clear my schedule one of these days and take you out
shooting.”
I chuckled. “You sure about that Dad?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. “And you clear
your schedule? I’ll believe that shit when I see it.”
He laughed lightly. “Yeah, I think it’ll be okay. And I’m sure I can find some time for my
youngest.”
I stared at him for a moment, a bit stunned that he seemed to seriously want to spend time
with me. I finally nodded. “Okay then. You just let me know when and I’ll be there,” I said.
He smiled and was about to speak when there was a light throat clearing behind me. He
glanced over my shoulder at the doorway and I turned my head around to see Isabella
standing in the doorway. She was looking a bit nervous, fiddling her thumbs and staring at
my father.
“Yes?” my dad said after a moment, raising his eyebrows.
“Esme asked me to tell you that dinner was ready, sir,” she said softly. Dad smiled,
nodding.
“Thank you, Isabella,” he said, his voice warm. It was strange how fucking almost sweet he
was to her these days. Far cry from fucking duct taping my girl and handcuffing her to a
goddamn bed.
“Prego, sir,” she said, smiling lightly. I smirked, as I’d just taught her that shit, and glanced
over at my father, who had a quite shocked expression on his face. He was eyeing her with
surprise.
“Wow,” he said after a moment. I started laughing and Isabella held back giggles at his
expression. It was rare to catch my father off guard but she’d successfully done it.
“She’s fucking smart, eh? You should hear the shit she rattles off that she learned from
Jeopardy. She’s like a goddamn sponge and shit, just soaking up everything we throw at
her,” I said. “I’m surprised she hasn’t started cursing yet from hearing me say the shit.”
My dad smirked at Isabella and I turned my head to look at her. Her eyes were wide and
she was blushing, smiling sheepishly. My brow furrowed in confusion at their reaction and
she cut her eyes at me, looking almost embarrassed about something.
“Oh but she has picked up foul language from you son,” my dad said. I glanced at him with
surprise and saw he was still smirking at her. “I overheard her say a foul word one
morning.”
“Really?” I asked with shock. I’d never heard her say anything foul before and it was
irrational but I almost felt goddamn jealous that I hadn’t been there to experience it and
my father had. I turned back to Isabella, smiling. “What did you say?”
She eyed me with shock but didn’t respond, obviously not wanting to repeat herself. She
brought her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on it nervously, glancing between my father
and I. I chuckled, shaking my head. She looked so fucking innocent and naïve standing
there, blushing over saying a dirty word, but I wasn’t fooled. My girl could be a goddamn
tiger.
“Come on, you can say it. Was it fuck? Because I say fuck a lot. Motherfucker? Shit, maybe?
Or, how about damn? Goddamn? Asshole? Whore? Bitch?” Her eyes narrowed slightly with
the last one, her reaction making my rambling falter. “Uh… Okay, definitely not bitch.
Dick? Cock? Cocksucker? Prick? Piss? Cunt? Pussy?” She stared at me with shock, her eyes
widening and her blush deepening.
“I think that’s plenty, Edward,” my dad said with some slight amusement in his voice. I
glanced over at him and saw he was trying to fight back his smile. I smiled and shrugged,
and Isabella continued to stand there gaping at me. “The word doesn’t matter, but if you
insist on knowing she said ‘shit’.”
I smirked and nodded. “Nice,” I said. My father started laughing and I chuckled. She just
stood there staring at me nervously, blushing that goddamn blush and chewing on that
bottom lip of hers. I could see her teeth digging into the flesh and it was kinda hot, and I
felt my pants start to swell at the sight. She looked so goddamn innocent and ripe for the
taking, and Christ did I want to take her. Just the fact that a dirty word rolled from those
lips turned me on and I wanted to hear that shit, wanted her to say naughty things for me.
“I suppose we should go down for dinner before Esme has a conniption.” I glanced back
over at my father and saw he was watching Isabella and I curiously. I nodded and stood up,
running my hand through my hair. Isabella turned and headed out of the room quickly,
and I could hear her feet hitting the steps as she practically ran down them.
I sighed and started out of the room with my father following me. I headed down the stairs
and went straight for the living room where everyone was sitting around, waiting. Dad
walked in behind me, patting me on the back lightly.
“Are we ready to eat, sister?” he asked, glancing over at Esme. Esme smiled and nodded
toward the table. Emmett jumped up and practically sprinted for the table, as that fucker
was always first there. The rest of us followed behind, including Alice and Rosalie. They
always ate Christmas dinner with us, as Rosalie’s grandparents never made a big deal out
of the holiday and Alice’s family always has their big dinner on Christmas Eve.
I pulled a chair out and nodded my head at it, looking at Isabella. She smiled lightly at me
and sat down gingerly and I pushed it in. I walked to the other side of the table and sat
down across from her, giving her a small smile. Jasper and Alice sat beside her and Rose
and Emmett sat beside me, with Dad and Esme on the ends. We helped ourselves and
Isabella got a spoonful of everything, but it wasn’t much food at all. She’d grown used to
eating with us at the table but she looked a bit nervous now. I started picking at my food
and she pushed hers around her plate while everyone else practically devoured it.
They started telling stories about past Christmas’s and Isabella listened intensely, like she
was fucking absorbing it all. Her eyes were twinkling and a smile was playing on her lips as
my father and Esme told stories about my brothers and I, how goddamn finicky I was and
how much we used to fight over stupid shit like who got the last sugar cookie. She laughed
when they told her about Emmett wrapping me up in fucking paper and tape when I was
like 6, and how Jasper freaked the fuck out when he saw dad eating Santa’s cookies one
year.
It was an odd moment, but as I glanced around the table at my family and Isabella, for the
first time in a long goddamn time I finally felt whole. The shit just felt right, like we were all
supposed to be here. That she belonged here with me, with all of us, and some fucking twist
of fate led us here. And it was all fucked up, because we were broken and my mother was
dead and Isabella has spent her life suffering when she shouldn’t have, but all of that shit
led us to this moment. To this moment, where I’m sitting at the table with the only
goddamn people in the world I loved anymore, and listening to my girl laugh so carefree
and happy. I knew right then that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, where we were
meant to be. And we had a lot of shit to work out, a lot of problems to work through. I had
to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life and I needed to find a way to get
her free from her invisible chains, but at that moment I just fucking knew. I knew it was all
going to be okay someway. Somehow, we’d all make it out of this bullshit the way we were
supposed to. Because we fucking survived up until now and we’d continue to.
I didn’t give a shit what she said; happiness was a lot more than good health and a poor
memory. Happiness was this; it was her, and us and this moment. Fuck Albert Schweitzer,
he can kiss my goddamn ass. Happiness was real.
I felt a nudge on my calf and my brow furrowed as I glanced at Isabella. Her smile curved
up slightly more as she cut her eyes at me briefly. I smiled and my eyes widened slightly
when I felt her foot running up my calf. My girl was fucking playing footsie with me under
the table.
Isabella and I sat in silence while everyone else chatted away during the rest of the meal.
She seemed to be listening intently but I could see her smirk growing as she cut her eyes at
me, obviously not paying as much attention to them as it appeared. I was trying to look like
I was fucking involving myself or paying attention, but all I could seem to focus on was the
feel of Isabella’s foot on me. She had her shoe kicked off and her toes were wiggling under
my pant leg, caressing the bare skin. It tickled and I had to fight the urge laugh or goddamn
moan because the shit felt good. It was sending tingles up my leg and right to my fucking
crotch, as my dick was hardening and starting to throb a bit, wanting some fucking
attention.
My father’s phone rang after a moment and he groaned, shifting his chair backwards and
reaching into his pocket. He pulled it out and sighed when he glanced at it, bringing it up to
his ear.
“Dr. Cullen speaking,” he said firmly in a business-like voice. I knew goddamn immediately
what it was, he was being called into work. He sighed and reached up, pinching the bridge
of his nose. “You can’t get anyone else? Fine. I’ll be there.”
He snapped his phone shut and glanced over at Esme. She smiled lightly, understanding.
My father didn’t have to be a doctor, he didn’t have to work at that fucking hospital to get
by, but he did it because it was one of the few things in life he felt good for doing. I guess he
felt like healing people somehow made up for the ones he personally hurt.
“You owe me a day tomorrow, baby brother. Just you and I,” Esme said. My dad nodded
after a moment, smiling sheepishly.
“I’m all yours. I’ll catch some sleep at the hospital so I’m all rested up,” he said. “And you
can take my room tonight, since I won’t be home.”
Esme smiled and thanked my dad, and I tried to hold back my fucking smirk because I was
ecstatic to have my goddamn room back. Yeah, I wanted to be nice and give Esme
somewhere to sleep, but I loved my bed and I fucking knew now that I could drag my girl
back into my bed tonight without any problems since no one would have cause to come up
to the third floor and investigate.
We finished dinner and Dad started excusing us. He headed up stairs to get ready for work
and Jasper and Emmett left to take their girlfriends home. Alice hugged us all and Rose did
her normal bitchiness, but she wasn’t too fucking bad. She jabbed me in the ribs with her
elbow and said something to Isabella about utilizing a present, which made Isabella blush
deeply. I eyed her suspiciously, wondering what the fuck that was about, but she ignored
me and started gathering up dishes and taking them into the kitchen. Esme went into the
living room to call Alec and I started helping Isabella, as much as I fucking could anyway. I
wasn’t good at being helpful so I really just got in her damn way.
“So what present did Rose give you?” I asked quietly, opening the dishwasher drawer and
pulling the rack out. Isabella started chewing on her bottom lip, her blush only growing,
but acted like she didn’t fucking hear my question. I sighed after a moment, wondering why
the hell she was keeping things from me. “Will you show me?”
She paused abruptly, her eyes widening with shock. She shook her head no almost
frantically and my eyes narrowed slightly. “What are you hiding from me?”
She shrugged. “I mean, it’s just… a thing, nothing really…”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?” I asked, not understanding. She
sighed, shrugging.
“It’s just a thing…” she said again. I cocked an eyebrow at her and she sighed again. “I don’t
want to talk about it,” she implored. I sighed, running my hand through my hair.
“Whatever, I was just fucking curious, don’t tell me then. I don’t give a shit,” I snapped,
having no idea what the big fucking deal was and irritated that she was keeping shit from
me. She sighed exaggeratedly, sounding just as irritated by me, and continued to put the
dishes in the dishwasher. I glanced at her and saw the crease in her forehead, her eyes
narrowed slightly. Yeah, I was worried about my father ruining her day and here I was
fucking it up myself.
I was about to open my mouth and say something, tell her I wasn’t trying to be a dick, when
my father came down the steps and headed into the kitchen. I stepped to the side and he
walked over, brushing past me as he headed for the fridge. He pulled out a bottle of water
and took a drink, giving Isabella and I each a curious look. “You kids have a good night,” he
said, turning and heading out of the kitchen. He pulled his keys out and waved at Esme
before walking out the front door.
Isabella continued to fill the dishwasher up with dishes and reached down to grab the
dishwasher soap. I sighed and walked over and she stood up, freezing abruptly when she
came face to face with me. I took the soap from her hands and smiled lightly, leaning in
and kissing her softly. “Sorry,” I murmured against her lips. She sighed lightly and pulled
back, nodding.
She started wiping down counters and I poured the soap in and started the dishwasher,
pretty damn proud of myself for remembering how to work it. No fucking monstrous
bubbles this time.
She still hadn’t spoken to me and went about her work in silence. It was grating on my
nerves and I just stood back watching her, wishing she’d goddamn say something. She
finished wiping things down and walked out to throw the rag in the laundry room hamper.
I strolled to the doorway of the kitchen and leaned against it, crossing my arms over my
chest waiting on her. I heard the washer click on after a moment as she started a load of
laundry. She stepped out of the laundry room eventually and my brow furrowed with
confusion as she breezed right by me, heading straight for the steps without saying a word
to me. She started up them quickly and I groaned, running my hand through my hair. I
pushed off the doorframe and headed for the stairs, walking up them after her.
I hit the third floor and paused, as both of the bedroom doors were closed and I had no
idea which room she’d gone into. I debated before heading to mine and had my hand on
the knob when I heard the TV click on in her bedroom, the sound of Christmas music
coming from some program.
I hesitated for a moment, realizing if she went to her bedroom she was probably really
fucking irritated by me and wanting to get away, but I was a selfish asshole and I couldn’t
fucking let her avoid me.
I knocked on her door lightly but didn’t wait for her to answer it, because part of me
realized she probably just wouldn’t damn answer. She wasn’t that submissive frightened
girl with me anymore; she wouldn’t open the door because she thought she had to. She’d
probably let my ass stand out here in the hallway and ignore me.
So I pushed the door open, fucking glad it wasn’t locked. I don’t think I could’ve taken her
locking me out, even if I had been an asshole. I stepped into her bedroom and shut the door
quietly behind me. Isabella walked out of the bathroom after a second and glanced over at
me, but looked away quickly. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair once again,
because I was nervous because of the goddamn silent treatment. I hated that shit.
“I’m sorry…” I started, fucking apologizing once again because I just wanted her to talk to
me and I didn’t like her being upset. I lost my temper but it wasn’t that big of a deal, I
snapped without thinking all the damn time and it never seemed to bother her before. She
held her hand up in a gesture that clearly stated ‘don’t fucking bother’ and I shut up,
because she had that much goddamn control over me naturally. It stunned me for a
moment, my natural fucking reaction to oblige, and I stood there in confusion. How the
hell had she gotten the upper hand on me?
“Top drawer,” she said simply, finally opening her mouth to speak. My brow furrowed and
I stared at her, unsure of what she was getting at. She sighed and nodded her head toward
her dresser. “Top drawer, Edward. You want to know what Rosalie got me for Christmas,
it’s in the top drawer.”
I stared at her with surprise. “Your underwear drawer?” I asked with confusion. She sighed
and shrugged.
“Is that a problem? Does my underwear scare you?” she asked sharply, a bit snarky
sounding. My temper flared naturally and I tried to fight it back, not liking her tone or
understanding what her damn problem was. And it was irrational, but a part of me felt like
she was trying to insinuate something about her underwear, like I’ve been too goddamn
pussy to take hers off of her. I knew that wasn’t what she was getting at and I was just
projecting my own bullshit insecurities on her but I couldn’t help it. Yeah, it bothered me a
bit that I hadn’t gotten further with her, only because I was pretty sure I could but I was too
fucking chicken to try to push her.
“Mannaggia, lèvati dai coglioni, rompiballe,” I grumbled under my breath, walking over
to her dresser, trying to control my anger so I didn’t hurt her fucking feelings any more
than I already had. She sighed and sat down on her bed, shaking her head. I pulled open
her dresser drawer forcefully, almost rocking the fucking dresser, and froze abruptly when
I glanced down.
The drawer was stuffed full of lacy see through sexy bullshit that I’d never seen before, that
I thoroughly wish I could fucking see on her, but that wasn’t what really caught my
attention. It was what was sitting on top of that shit, still in a clear plastic packaging,
sticking out like a goddamn sore thumb that stunned me.
A little purple vibrator.
Rosalie fucking Hale bought my girlfriend a goddamn vibrator. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to
fucking punch her for doing this, or kiss her goddamn feet and grovel from appreciation.
I turned around slowly, not bothering to even close the drawer, and glanced at Isabella. She
was staring at the TV but I could tell she wasn’t paying it any attention. She was nervous,
and it was easy to see she was embarrassed about it. And that made me feel like an even
bigger asshole, because her reaction made sense now. Of course she didn’t want to fucking
talk about it but I was pushy and snapped and she was obviously uncomfortable.
“Bella?” I said softly. She sat still for a moment but glanced over at me hesitantly, chewing
on her lip and watching me cautiously. “I’m an ass.”
She smiled lightly. “No you’re not,” she said softly. I laughed dryly, shaking my head.
“Yeah, I really am,” I said, walking over and sitting down beside her gently. I reached over
and tucked some hair behind her ear, sighing. “I shouldn’t have flipped out on you, I just
didn’t like you keeping shit from me. I mean, I get it now, and I’m sorry. That’s probably
pretty fucking embarrassing for you.”
She shrugged, feigning nonchalance, but her cheeks were pinkening from the blush of
embarrassment. “It’s okay. I just, you know, know nothing about them so it’s just a little
weird for me.”
“Well, maybe I’ll show you one of these days,” I said lightly, shrugging. Her eyes widened
with surprise and I chuckled. “Yeah, I can work a vibrator Bella. Shit, that would actually
be hot. You know, just as long you don’t let it replace me,” I said playfully, reaching over
and running my hand up her thigh. She jumped slightly and her blush deepened as she
eyed me with shock.
“Of course not,” she said, smiling sheepishly. I raised my eyebrows in question and stilled
my hand on the inside of her upper thigh.
“Of course not what?” I asked.
“Of course it wouldn’t replace you, nothing ever will,” she said softly, sounding almost
embarrassed saying that. I smirked and felt my heart swell at her words.
“Mmmm, that’s nice to hear,” I said, moving my hand again and grazing it lightly over the
crotch of her pants. I could feel the warmth radiating from it, the pure heat of her sex. She
squirmed a bit under my touch and I ran my hand back down her thigh again. “No one will
replace you either, tesoro. Ever. You’re it for me.”
She stared at me for a moment before the smile spread over her lips, her eyes lighting up. “I
love you Edward,” she said matter-of-factly. I chuckled, loving hearing those goddamn
words and the enthusiasm she always spoke them with.
“I love you too,” I said, leaning over and kissing her lips softly. “And I am sorry I’m such an
asshole sometimes.”
She shrugged. “You’re forgiven,” she said simply. I smiled, nodding.
“Grazie,” I said, pressing my mouth to hers once more, bringing my tongue out and
running it across her bottom lip. She giggled a bit, murmuring ‘prego’ against my lips. I
chuckled and thrust my tongue in her mouth, and she parted her lips for me and sighed. I
kiss her deeply and repositioned myself, pushing her back onto the bed and hovering over
her.
She wrapped her arms around me, her fingers coming up and lacing through my hair. She
pulled me down to her, kissing me back passionately. I resisted at first, because I didn’t
want to put my weight on her small form and because my dick was hard as fucking steel
and I didn’t want to be obscene and shit, but she groaned and pulled on me harder. I caved
finally and laid down on top of her more, my throbbing erection pressing into her. She
moaned and her lips started moving frantically against mine as she rocked her hips up,
pressing into me. I pressed back, the friction of her crotch rubbing against me sending
shivers ripping through my body. She did it again and I groaned, parting her thighs a bit
further with my legs and thrusting my hips right into her. She gasped as my cock hit that
spot right between her legs and grabbed onto me tighter, kissing me firmer as she
continued to ground her hips into me.
I wanted her. Fuck, I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything. I wanted every part
of her. I wanted to lick and suck and taste every inch of her flesh, explore every goddamn
centimeter of that fine body. And I wanted to fuck her, God how I wanted to fuck that
pussy, but I couldn’t do that. She wasn’t a girl to be fucked. She was a girl to be made love
to and as much as I wanted to do that shit, a small voice in the back of my mind was telling
me to slow the fuck down and wait because it wasn’t right yet. And I don’t know where the
fuck that voice came from, and part of me wanted to kill it, because I’d never had a
goddamn conscious before and it was irritating because my dick was screaming out to feel
her from the inside. But the fact remained that it was there and it was telling me not to try
to push her there yet and I couldn’t just ignore that. I couldn’t go there with her until it felt
completely right because she was fucking special to me, and it needed to be special. But I
didn’t need to pop her cherry to feel good, and I surely didn’t need to stick my dick
anywhere to make her feel good.
“Baby,” I said, panting, finally pulling from her lips. She was practically gasping for air and
peeked her eyes open to look at me. Her lids were heavy, her face clouded with desire and I
could feel her body squirming underneath mine. Yeah, she was hot as hell. “Can I touch
you?”
She nodded with no hesitation. “Yes,” she said breathlessly. I smirked and nodded.
“Good,” I said, leaning down and kissing her softly for a moment. I sat up after a moment
and reached down, pulling my shirt off. I tossed it onto the floor beside the bed and she
pulled herself up onto her elbows, her eyes wide with shock as she stared at my bare chest.
She had a habit of eyefucking me when I didn’t have a shirt on and it was cute as hell,
because she didn’t even try to hide the shit. There was no hiding her admiration for my
body, that’s for certain.
I kicked my shoes off quickly, letting them hit the floor with a thud. Her eyes widened even
more and I reached down, pulling her shoes off and tossing them down with mine. I
hovered back over top of her and she smiled, bringing her hand up to run it across the
tattoo on my chest.
“Do you really believe time heals all wounds?” she asked. I laughed lightly at her random
fucking question, a little surprised that she even remembered what the shit said.
“Yeah,” I mumbled, nudging her head to the side and pressing my lips to her neck. I kissed
her throat and grabbed the hem of her shirt, starting to pull it up. I pulled back some to
gaze at her, to make sure she was okay with the shit, and she smiled when we made eye
contact and sat up some. I pulled the shirt up over her head and tossed it on the floor,
groaning when I saw the lacy red push-up bra. I reached around and undid the clasp
quickly and she eyed me curiously, as she usually did when I undid her bra. Yeah I’d
mastered that shit over time, if there was a gold medal for unclasping a bra, Edward Cullen
would win that shit without a doubt.
I pulled the bra off of her and tossed it to the floor, bringing my hand up and running it
lightly across her breasts. She moaned and her nipples perked up immediately under my
touch. I leaned down and ran my tongue over them, clasping my lips over her nipples and
sucking lightly. She brought her hands back into my hair, writhing and clutching my locks
as I explored her chest with my mouth.
I reached down after a moment and slowly undid the button to her pants. This was all shit
we’d done before but I always tried to take it slow, wanting to always give her a chance to
back the fuck out of it. I pulled the zipper down and pulled my mouth off of her nipple,
glancing up at her. She had her eyes closed and was chewing on her bottom lip, her hands
sliding from my head onto my back. She opened her eyes and saw me looking at her and
smiled sweetly, lifting her ass slightly in the air. I smirked and tugged her pants down,
leaving her underwear on… for now.
But you can bet your ass I was getting those motherfuckers off today.
I tossed the pants on the floor with the rest of the clothes and let my eyes rake over her
almost naked form. She squirmed a bit under my gaze and I glanced up at her face to see
her smiling and blushing, but not looking at all uncomfortable being like this for me. I
leaned over her and kissed her sweetly, letting my hand roam down her chest and stomach,
rubbing across her crotch lightly. She whimpered under my touch and I groaned, because
her panties were fucking soaked from her arousal. I pushed her thighs apart and slipped
my hand inside her panties, my fingertips grazing her clit. She cried out and squirmed her
hips, and I brought my lips down to kiss her jaw line and neck, bringing my tongue out and
tracing her collarbones with it. She was clutching onto me tightly, soft noises escaping her
throat as I rubbed her and kissed her skin.
“Do you trust me?” I whispered after a moment, bringing my mouth up to her ear. She
shivered as my breath hit her and nodded frantically, rubbing her hands up and down my
back lightly.
“Absolutely, you know I do,” she said breathlessly, no wavering in her words. I smiled
against her skin, kissing her cheek and running my tongue around her earlobe. I pulled my
hand from her sensitive spots and gripped the side of her underwear and started pulling it
down slowly. Her breath hitched momentarily and she opened her eyes to look at me. I sat
up some, and gripped the other side of her underwear with my other hand, tugging down.
She lay frozen for a second, just staring at me intensely. I cocked an eyebrow at her, unsure
if this was okay or not, and she lifted her ass up slightly and closed her eyes again in silent
approval. I pulled them down and off, tossing them on the floor. I sat back on my knees,
gazing at her, seeing her completely nude body for the first time. She was fucking stunning,
every inch of her soft and feminine and beautiful. She wasn’t flawless, she had scars and
imperfections, but I fucking got what she’d been trying to tell me outside. She was fucking
perfect to me, because she was perfect for me.
I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers briefly, kneading her breasts and rubbing her
nipples with my thumbs.
“So goddamn beautiful, I swear,” I murmured against her mouth. She moaned and brought
her hand up, running it down my chest. She paused it briefly on my stomach and I could
feel her fingers shaking lightly against my skin. She started slowly moving them down even
more, grazing them over the bulge in my pants. I could feel her light touch through my
pants and sighed, as it fucking tickled.
“Can I…” she started, opening her eyes and gazing at me with apprehension, looking
slightly nervous. I smiled and sighed again as she grazed her fingertips over my crotch once
more, knowing exactly what she was asking me.
“Of course you can, you don’t even have to fucking ask baby. You can touch me anytime you
want, but can I try something first?” I asked softly. She nodded and removed her hand
from my pants, running her fingertips back up my stomach. I leaned down and kissed her
again, fucking proud that she’d take the initiative to touch me.
I started kissing down her chest and she sucked in her stomach, holding her breath when I
dipped my tongue into her navel. I shifted my body down the bed, crawling between her
legs. She opened her eyes to look at me and I smirked at her. She smiled lightly but I could
see she was anxious, unsure of what I was doing. Her legs were a bit tense as I spread them,
but she didn’t try to stop me. She was really fucking trusting me, and that meant a lot, as I
knew how hard it could be to put your trust in people and be so fucking vulnerable.
“Relax,” I said softly, glancing down at her core. She was spread out for me and I could see
the wetness seeping out, coating her pussy and leaking down onto her upper thighs. And it
was so fucking stunning, seeing her opened up for me. Her clit stood out prominent from
her arousal, her lips plump and pink and glistening. Her curls were soft and brown,
framing the area nicely but not fucking overpowering it like a goddamn jungle or anything.
It was fucking nice and beautiful, and for the first time in my goddamn life I wanted to eat
a pussy. No, I didn’t just want to, I needed to. It was fucking calling out to be, begging to be
tasted and licked and nibbled.
I leaned down and she tensed up, her body going rigid. I ran my hand up her thigh gently,
wanting her to relax. I paused about an inch from her clit and inhaled, the scent of her
fucking intoxicating and sweet, all female and warm. I brought my tongue out and flicked
her clit gently, slowly running my tongue down her lips, tasting her for the first time. She
cried out softly, her hips shifting slightly, and I groaned loudly.
Because nothing could’ve ever prepared me for the taste that was my Bella. The sweetness,
the slightly tangy hint of her juices. She was like the sweetest goddamn wine in existence
and I was a fucking alcoholic, my body craving it.
I ran my tongue up and down her lips and few times, lapping up the juices, before closing
my lips around her clit and sucking lightly. She let out a throaty groan and reached down,
grasping my hair tightly. I started licking and sucking and nipping at her lips, spreading
her legs even wider with my hands, opening her up even more. I ran my mouth down and
found her opening, grazing my tongue across it. She was continually moaning, clutching
onto me and squirming. I dipped my tongue inside of her opening and she hissed, bucking
her hips. I groaned and pulled back slightly, contemplating briefly before bringing my hand
up and running my middle finger around her opening gently. I put my lips around her clit
and started sucking, nipping at it, and she started squirming more and crying out. I
hesitated for a fraction of a second before slowly pushing my middle finger inside of her.
She felt it and tensed up immediately and I stopped what I was doing, hesitant.
“Please,” she mumbled quietly, the word slurred. I glanced up at her and saw her eyes were
closed, her teeth biting down on her lip. It stunned me that she was practically begging me
to do it, and I watched her face as I slowly slipped my finger the rest of the way in. I
brought my lips back to her clit to suck and grazed my teeth across it, as I slowly pumped
my finger in and out of her. She was writhing and moaning softly, still holding onto my
hair. I added another finger after a moment, stunned by how fucking tight she was and how
her walls wrapped around my fingers.
I turned my hand so my palm was facing up and hooked my two fingers inside, slowly
pulling them out. She cried out louder after a moment and I realized I hit her spot. I started
licking at her clit, moving my lips and tongue frantically, lapping her up as I pushed my
fingers in and out of her, massaging her g-spot. Her legs started shaking after a moment,
her hips squirming and bucking in my face. Her entire body was quivering and it was
goddamn beautiful and made my erection almost fucking double in size, because this shit
was because of me. My girl was melting and falling to pieces under my touch because I was
goddamn making her feel good. She only did this for me, never anyone else and there never
would be anymore else to see this and experience this with her if I had anything to do with
it. And I’d never done this shit before, and she was so fucking sweet and invigorating. This
was just us, this was our thing. The mafia calls the organization La Cosa Nostra, meaning
‘this thing of ours’, but this right here with my girl was OUR La Cosa Nostra. This was our
thing and only our thing, and it did crazy things to my body and soul to be experiencing
this with her.
She started tensing up after a moment as she neared orgasm. I practically glued my lips to
her clit, sucking on that spot while my fingers inside of her massaged her other spot,
sending her to her peak. She cried out through gritted teeth as she exploded, her pussy
walls practically clamping down around my fingers tightly. She gripped my hair so strongly
I thought she was going to rip it out and slammed her legs closed around my head, fucking
holding me there. Her back arched and I kept up what I was doing as she pulsated and
oozed more of that fucking sweet wine I craved so much, and I lapped up every goddamn
drop because nothing would ever match the taste of Isabella Marie Swan.
She finally calmed down after a moment and loosened her grip on my hair, opening her
legs back up and allowing them to collapse to the bed. I licked a few more times, tasting a
few more drops of her and pulled my fingers out, running my hand gently up her thigh. She
was panting, practically gasping for fucking air, her body trembling. I sat up and glanced at
her and she opened her eyes to look at me. She smiled lazily, looking so fucking content
and relaxed, and I smirked because although I’d never done that shit before I knew I was
damn good at it.
“Wow,” she mumbled after a second. I chuckled and climbed up her body, hovering over
her naked form. I leaned down and kissed her lips, and she parted her mouth for me so I
could kiss her deeply. I groaned and pulled back after a second, my dick fucking throbbing
hard as the realization that she was tasting herself dawned on me.
I was about to say something about it, because it was goddamn hot, when she suddenly
placed her hand on my crotch and started rubbing me through my jeans. I groaned, closing
my eyes and biting my lip because it fucking felt good.
“You don’t have to do that,” I said, not wanting her to think she had to touch me. I only
touched her and pleased her because I wanted to and didn’t want her to feel obligated in
this department. I heard her laugh lightly and opened my eyes to see her smiling at me.
“You bite down any harder on the lip and you’ll draw blood,” she said with amusement. I
rolled my eyes but let go of my lip and smiled. She brought her hand up and unsnapped my
pants, pulling the zipper down. I contemplated for a moment before shifting positions and
lying down beside her. I lifted my ass up and pulled my pants and boxers down, kicking
them off. I glanced at Isabella and saw her staring at my cock, as it was fucking hard and
standing straight up and throbbing. She was blushing and looking amazed, and I couldn’t
deny that shit made me feel good inside.
I pulled her over to me and my lips found hers immediately. I reached down and ran my
hand across her pussy, as she was still fucking leaking those juices, and wet my hand. I
stroked myself a few times, lubricating myself with her juices, and reached for her hand in
an attempt to help her. But she didn’t need the shit, because she continued to kiss me
passionately and reached over, wrapping her hand around my shaft tightly on her own
accord. She started stroking it firmly, the whole way from base to tip, even fucking
massaging the head in the process. And her pace was just fucking right and I realized she
was a natural at this shit, that she didn’t need me to do anything.
So I just relaxed and enjoyed it, because the feeling of her small soft warm hand wrapped
around my throbbing cock covered in her juices was intense. I knew it wouldn’t take me
long because I could feel the tension building already, the warmth and pleasure seeping out
through my limbs. Her touch was electric and caused my entire body to tingle, my heart
pound furiously in my chest. I couldn’t stop the guttural noises that escaped my throat as
she started increasing her pace. She pulled her mouth from mine and brought her lips
down to my neck, kissing down toward my chest. I cocked my head back to give her better
access and gasped when I felt her teeth nip at my Adams apple, a surge of fucking pleasure
and intense desire coursing through me. I gripped the bed with one hand and brought my
other up, stroking her back gently as she started kissing my chest. She traced my tattoo
with her tongue, and the moment her lips found my nipple and she grazed it with her teeth
my entire body tensed up, the paralysis taking over as the tension increased tenfold. I
exploded and my entire body shook as I screamed out, bucking my hips and thrusting into
her firm grasp as I spilled my seed onto her hand. Her grip or rhythm didn’t waver, nor did
her tongue’s exploring of my chest. My orgasm subsided and I reached down, stilling her
hand on me after a moment as I started coming down.
“Che bella sborrata,” I mumbled, trying to catch my breath. Isabella sat up slightly and I
peeked my eyes open to look at her. She was smiling, looking quite fucking pleased with
herself, and I chuckled. “That was incredible.”
Her smile grew and I let go of her hand. She let go of my dick and ran her hand up across
my stomach. I sighed and wrapped my arms around her, pulled her down into my arms. I
grabbed the blanket and pulled it up onto us, stunned that I was laying in bed with my
girlfriend, both of us completely fucking naked and satisfied, and we hadn’t even fucked.
Who knew that shit was possible?
“That was fun, Romeo,” she said softly, nuzzling into my neck. She hitched her leg up on
me and I laughed.
“Romeo?” I asked. She shrugged.
“Romeo and Juliet. Two people who come from different sides of the fence but still manage
to meet in the middle. We’ve got the forbidden love part down,” she said. I smiled lightly,
shaking my head.
“Yeah well, we’re not fucking killing ourselves so that’s about as similar as it gets. I don’t
wanna be Romeo, he’s an idiot. Pick someone else.”
She laughed. “Okay. How about Shrek?”
My brow furrowed. “Shrek? Really? I’m a goddamn ogre?”
She laughed again. “No, but they were forbidden love. Shrek and Fiona came from two
different words but realized when it came down to it they weren’t very different and love
held them together as they were.”
I contemplated that for a moment, as it was pretty fucking deep and made sense, but then I
felt stupid to be seriously considering how close my life was to a goddamn cartoon. “Pick
another one.”
She sighed. “Titanic? Rose and Jack were a forbidden love,” she said. I groaned.
“Seriously? He fucking died at the end; I don’t want to be Jack. I mean, I told you I’d die for
you tesoro but I’m not going to fucking jinx myself here,” I said. She was quiet for a
moment and laid still, and I wondered if maybe I pissed her off or upset her, but she finally
sighed and started stroking my stomach softly, running her fingers across my abs and
tracing my scar with her fingertips.
“Okay, how about we just be Edward and Isabella?” she said finally. “We don’t know how
that story ends, but we can always hope for the best.”
I smiled and leaned over, kissing the top of her head lightly. “I like that. And I’m sure
there’s a happily ever after at the end of the story. I mean, fuck, we sure as shit deserve it,
huh?”
*****
Stronzata = Bullshit
Mannaggia - damn! (Roman slang expressing impatience)
lèvati dai coglioni – get off my balls
rompiballe – slang for someone getting on your nerves (literally a ball-breaker)
Che bella sborrata = slang for an amazing orgasm
Chapter 40 One of Them
“Friends are helpful not only because they will listen to us, but because they
will laugh at us; Through them we learn a little objectivity, a little modesty, a
little courtesy; We learn the rules of life and become better players of the
game." -- Will Durant
I opened the dryer door and started flinging the wet clothes from the washing machine into
it. It was mostly Edward’s stuff but a few pieces of mine randomly tossed in, and for some
reason it was a bit odd seeing our clothes mixed together. But then again, there wasn’t
much of ours that hadn’t merged together somehow by now, so it shouldn’t surprise me
that I was washing our clothes together also.
Everyone was in the foyer, saying their goodbyes. Esme had a flight out of Seattle late
tonight to Chicago and Dr. Cullen was going along with her for a few days for business. I
could hear them laughing and chatting playfully and secluded myself in here, feeling
almost like I was unfairly imposing on their moment. They were all family and despite their
acceptance of me I wasn’t a part of that and didn’t want to intrude.
I heard Edward and his father bickering back and forth about tonight, Dr. Cullen warning
him that he better behave and not get in any fights, and Edward snapping back about
‘stupid people’. Today was New Years Eve and apparently one of their classmates was
having a big party out by a lake somewhere that the boys were going to. They evidently
went every year, as it was sort of a ritual in town like the Cullen’s Halloween party. I think
Edward assumed I was going along with them this year, considering he continued to talk
about it as if I’d be there, but he’d yet to actually ask me to go. In a way I wanted to, as
spending tonight with Edward would be ideal, but it was sort of daunting and I wasn’t sure
it was entirely wise. There would be a lot of people there, people who knew him and his
father, and I was afraid we’d accidentally expose our relationship to the wrong person.
There was a light tap from the doorway after a moment and I turned my head to see Esme
standing there, smiling at me. I returned her smile and she walked into the room, holding
her arms out. It stunned me for a moment and I froze as she wrapped her arms around me,
hugging me. I hugged her back after a moment once the shock wore off and she sighed. “It’s
been a real pleasure finally actually meeting you, Isabella,” she said. I smiled lightly and
pulled back from the hug.
“You too, ma’am,” I said softly. She rolled her eyes playfully.
“Esme, dear. And I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate all you do for these guys, as I
love them all dearly. Especially Edward, you’re good for him, you know,” she said. I smiled
and nodded.
“Thank you,” I said. “Edward’s special.”
She nodded. “That, he is. And he deserves to find his happiness in life, as do you. I have
faith it’ll all work out, just be patient.”
“Patience is something I have a lot of,” I said softly, smiling.
She laughed. “I imagine you do. Anyway, I’ve got to get going before Carlisle starts
complaining. I love my brother dearly but he can be a bit anal sometimes about
punctuality. You take care of yourself, okay?” She leaned over and kissed my forehead
lovingly and I stood there, slightly stunned by the gesture as it was awfully motherly of her.
She turned and headed out of the room, walking back to the foyer. I heard them exchange
final good byes and the door open and shut, a car starting up outside. I turned back to the
dryer, shutting the door and starting it up. I turned around for the door, gasping as I
collided with the form suddenly. Edward chuckled and wrapped his arms around me,
holding me there.
“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said. I pulled back slightly to look at him and saw he looked
relaxed and happy, smiling brightly.
“It’s fine. I just didn’t know you were there,” I said. He nodded and let go of me, running a
hand through his hair.
“Alice called Jazz and wants to know if you’d be alright with her coming over and making
you up for tonight,” he said. My eyes widened with surprise and he sighed. “I mean, you
can say no, don’t feel obligated. And honestly, you don’t need it, you’re beautiful anyway.
But she asked and would kick my ass if I didn’t at least come to you about it.”
I blinked a few times, unsure of what to say to that. “Uh, I mean, I don’t know. Do you
really think I should go tonight?” I asked. His brow furrowed at my words, a wounded look
flashing across his face.
“Of course, why wouldn’t you go?” he asked, the hurt and disappointment clear in his voice.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I mean all of your friends are going to be there and it’s not like
we can really be together, so I’d probably just be a complication,” I said. I didn’t want to go
and have to watch Edward from afar all night and be a burden upon Alice or Jasper, as I
knew one of them would keep an eye on me all night and it would only hinder their fun.
Edward groaned, shaking his head. “Don’t ever call yourself a complication, you hear me?
And yeah, I really fucking want you to come, because it’s New Years and I’d like to be able
to sweep my girlfriend away and kiss on her at midnight. If you don’t want to go that’s fine,
but don’t stay home just because you think it would be better for me if you weren’t there.
Because you’re wrong—you being there is what’s going to make this night worth a damn.”
I stared at him for a moment, sighing. “Okay,” I said softly. He groaned again, running his
hands down his face with frustration.
“Okay? We’re back to that again? Come on, you know I hate that shit. If you don’t want to
go just say so, fuck if it’ll make you feel better I’ll stay home too. Because frankly I don’t
want to even go if you’re not going to be there, but I thought it would be nice to get out
tonight. And the place is big so we can have a bit of privacy, and honestly all of them
probably fucking know about us anyway because of Lauren Mallory’s big goddamn mouth
so that doesn’t even matter,” he rattled off with irritation. My brow furrowed and I stared
at him with confusion.
“Who’s Lauren Mallory?” I asked, wondering how some girl I didn’t know would know
about my relationship with Edward. He sighed, shaking his head.
“Just some bitch. She saw us kissing on Halloween and spread that shit around like wildfire
because she’s a nosey little schifosa,” he said, the last word having a slight hard edge to it.
“What’s a schifosa?” I asked. He sighed, shrugging.
“Schifosa is slang for a disgusting bitch. Ya know, an ugly girl or whatever,” he muttered,
lacing his fingers in his hair and tugging at the locks. He looked almost nervous. I nodded
after a second, his behavior on the subject making me curious.
“Did you sleep with her?” I inquired on a hunch. He started at me for a moment, seemingly
guard off guard by my question, before groaning with irritation.
“What, are we fucking playing twenty questions again Bella?” he snapped. I smiled lightly,
knowing my guess was right. Edward often acted strangely when girls he used to be with
were mentioned. I didn’t know much about his previous encounters with girls, just that
there had been quite a bit of them and it was all for pleasure purposes. He told me more
than once that he never had emotional feelings for any of them.
“I’ll take that as a yes. And no, we aren’t playing twenty questions. I was just curious, that’s
all. Oh and you can tell Alice she can come over and make me up, or whatever she wanted
to do. I don’t want to embarrass my boyfriend in front of the schifosas he goes to school
with,” I said playfully. He rolled his eyes, not appearing too amused by the situation, and
turned to walk out.
“You’d never embarrass me,” he grumbled under his breath, heading for the foyer. I sighed
and stepped out of the laundry room as he hit the stairs, heading up them quickly.
I hesitated, debating, before walking over and plopping down on the couch. Tomorrow
would make a week since Christmas, the night Edward and I had taken our physical
relationship to the next level. Edward called it third base, which confused me and spurred a
long detailed conversation where he attempted to explain to me how intimacy was
sometimes referred to in baseball terms. I didn’t know much about baseball, which spurred
an even longer conversation about the actual sport itself. I understood it enough to get
what he was saying after awhile. First base was evidently kissing, second base was
touching, and third base was when he’d tasted me. Home base was when you scored, which
evidently meant going the whole way and having sexual intercourse. It was a bit stunning
that we’d gone so far that we were that close to having sex, and I couldn’t deny it was a bit
scary.
Edward putting his mouth on me had been the single most startling experience of my life.
It baffled me and worried me at first, as I was so nervous to have him looking at me down
there. No one had ever looked at me like that, and I couldn’t help but be nervous about
whether or not my parts would be good. It was probably irrational, but Rosalie told me that
all guy’s parts were different, that no two were the same and some guys had better parts
than others, so I couldn’t help but wonder if girls were the same way. Would he like me, or
would they not be as good as the other girls’ parts? And I knew I got wet down there, so I
couldn’t help but wonder how it smelled, if he’d be disgusted. He’d touched me before and
commented about how wet I was like it was a good thing, but when he took off my
underwear and put his head down there a surge of panic shot through me. But when I felt
the soft wetness of his tongue pressing against my spot, my panic started to disintegrate as
the most astonishing sensation coursed through my veins. He was tasting me, and for a
brief second I worried he’d think I tasted bad, but the moment I felt his lips close around
my spot and he sucked I practically melted. Every ounce of apprehension I had
disappeared as my mind nearly turned to mush. I couldn’t form a coherent thought, every
fraction of my body and soul and mind fixated on the vibrations I felt from his mouth on
me.
And when he pushed his fingers inside of me, I was completely lost to him. He had my
entire being wrapped around him. It was so intense, the pleasure beyond anything I
imagined. If I thought his fingers touching my outside parts was amazing, him touching
inside of me was mind blowing. And if just his fingers inside of me felt that good, how
amazing would it be when it was his manhood?
He’s told me a few times since then how much he enjoyed it, how much he loved the taste
of me. Just hearing him say that awakened my body and I craved to experience it again.
There was something so utterly primal and raw about it, and it felt more intimate than I
ever imagined something could feel. And I wanted to do it in return, I wanted to taste him
too, but that concept was intimidating.
I heard footsteps nearing and glanced up to see Emmett walking my direction. He spotted
me and grinned, walking over and plopping down beside me on the couch. “Hey, Izzy
Bizzy,” he said, nudging me with his elbow. I laughed lightly, shaking my head.
“Izzy Bizzy?” I asked. He shrugged, still smiling.
“Eh, it sounded good when it came out,” he said. I laughed again and nodded.
“I actually used to call myself that when I was little,” I said, remembering my mother
telling me that a few times. “For a period of time I insisted on being called Izzy for some
reason. But that was before I realized what a harsh world we lived in. I grew up pretty quick
after that.”
His grin melted slightly into a light smile, full of compassion. “Yeah, we do live in a harsh
world. Did you know I was adopted?”
I nodded hesitantly, a little caught off guard by the sudden conversation shift. “Your father
mentioned it when he first got me. I thought you and Jasper might be twins so he told me
that you were adopted.”
He nodded, sighing. “My real mom… well, no, fuck that. Elizabeth was my real mom. The
woman who birthed me, she was raped and I was made from that. So yeah, I know how
harsh the world is. The harshness is what created me.”
I stared at him with shock, slightly stunned by that admission. “I was made the same way,”
I said quietly. He smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, I figured. See you and I, we aren’t that different kitten. None of us really are when it
comes down to it. The only difference between us is my mother stumbled upon me at the
right time and the right place and saved me, and you didn’t get so lucky,” he said. I nodded,
a little stunned, trying to absorb his words. “Just like you and Edward aren’t that different.
Yeah, my brother’s a spoiled little shit, always was. That’s why he’s so fucking picky. But
deep down he’s just a terrified hurt little boy still, trying to figure out where he belongs, just
like you’re still that frightened child trying to find her place in the world. You’re both
searching for the same fucking thing and you found it with each other. My mother would’ve
called that shit fate. She always said it was fate that led her to me, and I imagined she’d say
it was fate that brought you and Edward together. What’s meant to be will be, and all that.”
I sat frozen, gaping at him. I was used to Emmett’s playful nature and was stunned at how
almost philosophical he could be. He grinned widely at my expression. “Yeah, I’m like
fucking Dr. Phil and shit, huh?” My brow furrowed in confusion and he laughed. “I guess
you don’t know who Dr. Phil is.”
“Uh, no,” I said, laughing lightly. Emmett nodded.
“He’s some bald headed therapist. He’s got a TV show. Rose gets all into the shit. Anyway,
it doesn’t matter,” he said, waving it off. He stood up from beside me and stretched. “I need
to shower, maybe smoke a blunt before tonight. You’re coming to the party, right?”
I smiled lightly, nodding. “I guess so,” I said. He nodded.
“Good. If anyone tries to fuck with you, you come find me and I’ll kick some ass for you. I
know Edward would do it in a heartbeat but I’m thinking if he lays a finger on anyone he
might get his ass sent away again, and none of us want that,” he said. I frowned, not at all
liking even the thought of Edward leaving, and nodded.
“I’ll remember that. Thank you,” I said. He shrugged nonchalantly, waving me off.
“Don’t mention it,” he said. He headed out of the room and I reached over, grabbing the
remote. I turned the TV on and started flipping through channels, but turned it back off
after a moment when nothing caught my attention. I sighed and stood up, heading for the
foyer. I started up the steps and hit the third floor, pausing in the hallway when I saw
Edward’s bedroom door was open. He was inside tossing things around, grumbling under
his breath. He appeared to be looking for something and was making a mess in the process.
“Did you lose something?” I asked. His head snapped in my direction and his eyes
narrowed slightly, but I saw his jaw go rigid as he held back his natural reaction to snap.
“I’m looking for my green and gray American Eagle shirt. You know the one I’m talking
about? It’s got long sleeves,” he said, sounding irritated. “I really fucking wanted to wear it
but it’s just goddamn gone.” He went back to tossing clothes around the room, searching
for it.
“It’s in the dryer,” I said simply, remembering seeing it a few minutes ago in the laundry
room. He paused with his hand mid-air, clutching a shirt, and glanced at me.
“No shit?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. I smiled lightly, shaking my head.
“I washed it this morning,” I said. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, glancing
around the chaotic room.
“Well, you could’ve fucking told me that before I made such a damn mess,” he said sharply.
I laughed under my breath, as it simply wouldn’t be Edward without arguing back, but
straightened my expression out when he looked at me again. “Thanks,” he muttered
quietly.
I nodded. “You’re welcome. I’m, uh… I’m gonna take a shower now,” I said, nodding my
head toward my bedroom. He sighed and nodded.
“Yeah, alright. Alice should be here soon,” he said. I smiled lightly and turned around,
heading into my bedroom. I shut the door quietly behind me but didn’t bother locking it, as
I knew Alice would come up as soon as she arrived. I stripped out of my clothes, tossing
them in my hamper, and walked into the bathroom. I shut the door and turned the water
on; stepping in once the spray was warm. I washed myself thoroughly and turned the water
off after a bit, stepping out and grabbing a towel. I dried myself off and grabbed my robe,
pulling it on and tying it closed. I headed back into the bedroom and paused, smiling when
I saw Alice sitting on my bed.
“Hey Isabella!!” she said enthusiastically.
“Hi Alice,” I said. She smiled widely, jumping up from the bed.
“Thank you for letting me do this, those girls are going to be so jealous when they see you!”
she said, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. I laughed, shaking my head at her
enthusiasm.
“I’m not trying to make anyone jealous, Alice,” I said. She rolled her eyes playfully.
“I know you aren’t silly, it’s just an added perk. I promised Edward I wouldn’t overdo the
makeup and I’d let you wear your new Nike’s, which kind of put a kink in my plan because
they completely clash with what I intended for you to wear, but we’ll make it work,” she
rattled off. I just stared at her, slightly stunned that she’d managed to get that out in
seemingly one breath.
“Okay,” I muttered, unsure of what else to say. Her smiled brightened and she nodded.
“Okay then. Let’s get started,” she said. She walked over and grabbed my arm, pulling me
back into the bathroom. She grabbed my brush and started getting the knots out of my hair
as I started brushing my teeth.
“So how are you and Edward doing?” she asked after a second. I stilled the toothbrush in
my mouth and glanced at her in the mirror.
“Good, I guess,” I mumbled, my words slightly muffled because of the toothpaste. She
smiled and nodded, pushing me out of the way slightly to grab the blow dryer she’d
purchased me some months again. She plugged it in and turned it on, starting to dry my
hair. I finished brushing my teeth, the only sound in the room being that of the hum of the
dryer.
She shut it off after a bit and brushed my hair once more. “You really have gorgeous hair,
so many girls I know would kill to have the natural hues and silkiness you have,” she said. I
smiled lightly, thanking her. She shrugged me off and started pulling the top of my hair
back, puffing it up somewhat and grabbing some bobby pins, securing it back. It was
slightly stunning how fast and efficient she was at it, as she seemed pleased with it in a
matter of seconds. She grabbed a bottle of hairspray and held her little hand over my eyes
before starting to spay my hair down. I took a breath and started coughing as I inhaled the
spray, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth and burning my nose.
She put the hairspray down after a moment and started pulling out makeup that she’d
bought me a long time ago. I never wore it, as I didn’t know how to apply it and felt no just
cause to have to be made up, so it was all still fresh and some still in the packaging.
“You know, you have naturally gorgeous skin so you don’t need much makeup. Just a bit to
highlight some areas and you’re stunning,” she said, grabbing a mascara wand and coming
at my face with it. I flinched back put tried to still myself so she didn’t poke me in the eye.
She applied it quickly, expertly, and put it away. She grabbed a pencil and lined my eyelids
with it quickly.
“Thank you, for the compliments,” I said softly after a bit. She smiled, grabbing a little
container of power with a puffy pad. She dipped the pad lightly in the powder and started
running it across my cheeks.
“You’re welcome. So, uh, how far have you and Edward gone?” she asked. My brow
furrowed in confusion and I stared at her as she put the powder away.
“What do you mean?” I asked, unsure of what she was getting at. She smiled.
“I mean, have you guys been intimate?” she asked. My eyes widened slightly and I felt the
heat rushing to my face when it dawned on me what she was asking.
“I, uh… I mean, yes. But no we haven’t, you know,” I stammered nervously. Her smile grew
a bit and she nodded.
“First base, second base, third base?” she asked, raising her eyebrows questioningly and
grabbing a tube of lip gloss. I smiled sheepishly.
“He, uh, said it was third,” I mumbled softly. Her eyes widened slightly with surprise, her
grin growing.
“Wow. So, have you, you know, done it to him?” she asked. I looked at her with confusion,
not entirely sure what ‘it’ she was referring to. She saw my expression and sighed. “You
know, have you gone down on him?”
I stared at her for a moment, still not getting it, and heard laughter ring out from the
doorway to the bedroom. My eyes widened and my head snapped over in that direction,
stunned to see Rosalie Hale standing there. She was wearing a pair of skin tight jeans, and
a pair of black boots that went up to her knees almost, and had a tight black top on with a
belt around it. She looked stunning, like she’d just stepped off the front of a magazine, with
her hair fixed in curls and her makeup applied perfectly.
“Alice is trying to ask if you’ve given him head. You know, put his dick in your mouth,
sucked him off,” she said with amusement, cocking an eyebrow at me. My eyes widened
with shock when I realized what they were asking and I felt my blush growing.
“Uh, I mean, well…” I started, caught slightly off guard. “No.”
Alice looked slightly bummed by my admission but Rosalie’s smirk grew. “Do you want to?”
she asked.
I blinked a few times, stunned. “Uh, well… I suppose,” I mumbled. “I mean, I thought
about it, but I didn’t know, you know… what to do, don’t know how to make him feel good
that way.”
“Awwwww, how cute is that?!” Alice practically squealed. I looked at her with shock,
immediately confused as to whether she was being genuine or mocking, but she was
smiling brightly so I figured she wasn’t being mean about it and making fun of me. Alice
wasn’t that type of person anyway. I heard Rosalie snicker and cut my eyes at her, as I was
pretty sure Rosalie would be the type to mock.
“It’s not that hard,” Rosalie said. “Men are easy to manage. You have jacked him off by
now, right?”
She looked at me expectantly, raising her eyebrows. I blushed and smiled sheepishly,
nodding. “Yeah, I’ve done… that.”
She smirked. “Good. All you’ve gotta do honey is wrap your lips around it and suck,
bobbing your head up and down. Not too fast, not too slow, just keep a nice pace. And don’t
expect to fit the whole thing in your mouth, especially not a big dick and definitely not the
first time. So just wrap your hand around it and jack him off at the same time,” she said
shrugging. I just stood there and stared at her, and Alice laughed lightly.
“You only have to take in as much as you can without gagging. It sounds weird when it’s
explained, but it’ll happen naturally, like when it comes down to it you’ll sorta just know. I
mean, you know how men get off by being stroked so you just do those motions with not
only your hand but your mouth at the same time,” Alice said softly, a bit of compassion in
her voice. “And don’t forget to pay attention to the tip, as men like it being licked. They
enjoy a lot of tongue.”
“Yeah, tongue. And a bit of teeth, but not too much. You can nibble and graze lightly, but if
you bite him he’s liable to sucker punch you,” Rosalie added. My eyed widened with shock,
a bit of panic coursing through me.
Alice must’ve sensed it because she laughed lightly, shaking her head. “Don’t worry, that
won’t happen. Edward would never hit you,” she said, cutting her eyes at Rosalie in a
disapproving glare. Rosalie smiled and shrugged.
“Yeah, okay. Edward wouldn’t punch you. Although remember when we heard he did the
‘angry dragon’ on that one freshman girl last year at that party when she bit him…” she
started. My brow furrowed and Alice gasped.
“Rose that’s nasty, shut up,” she said. Rosalie started laughing, shaking her head.
“What?! He did! Gosh, what was the girl’s name, that little brunette chick? She moved away
over the summer but she still messed around with him after that, stupid girl. I don’t get it,”
she said. “Anyway, not that her name matters, whatever. But Alice is right, Edward
wouldn’t hit you, I shouldn’t have said he would because you’d believe me.”
I nodded, my brow still furrowed, utterly confused about the conversation. “Uh, what’s an
angry dragon?” I asked hesitantly.
“It’s nothing,” Alice said quickly, glaring at Rosalie. Rosalie smirked, shaking her head.
“No, if the girl wants to know, we should tell her. She should know the shit that boyfriend
of hers has done. I told her before I wasn’t even going to pretend he’s prince charming and
I meant that,” Rosalie said to Alice. Alice sighed, shaking her head, and Rosalie turned to
look at me. “An angry dragon is when a girl is sucking a guy off and he does something
when he blows his load to make the cum fly out of the girls nostrils. They call it an angry
dragon because, rest assured, she’s going to be really fucking angry after you do that to
her.”
I stared at her, utterly horrified, and she just stood there smirking. “Edward did that?” I
asked with shock. She nodded and Alice sighed.
“He’d never do that to you, Isabella,” Alice said, still glaring at Rosalie. “I hope you
understand that. He was different back then.”
I nodded and blinked a few times, a bit stunned. “Uh, yeah. I mean, I trust him. It’s just a
little hard to believe he’d do that though.”
“Yeah, well, Edward’s done a lot of bullshit to girls,” Rosalie said shaking her head.
“Like what?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly. I was really curious as to how
Edward treated those girls before me, as everyone told me he was so different with me. I
only knew him one way, though, so everything seemed so foreign.
“I don’t think we should be talking about this stuff, it’s in the past,” Alice mumbled. She
walked over and started fiddling with my hair again, plugging a curling iron in.
“But I wanna know,” I said. She sighed, sounding resigned.
“If you name it, Edward Cullen has probably pulled it at some point,” she said.
Rosalie laughed. “Yeah. Like, remember that time he pulled Jessica into that closet at
school and ripped her clothes off, and then jizzed all over her pants? Oh god, and he just
left her there! She stepped out and was walking down the hallway, covered in his spunk and
trying to clutch her clothes to her, but her pants were split and the buttons were popped off
of her shirt? What a stupid whore.”
Alice shook her head. “And that time he had the girl give him oral sex in the weight room,
knowing her boyfriend would walk in on them?”
Rosalie nodded. “Yeah, he did something to piss Edward off, so he got back at him by
messing with his girlfriend. So rude.”
Alice sighed. “Remember how he gave a pair of Kate’s panties to Eric?”
Rosalie laughed loudly. “Yeah, he told Eric they were a gift from Kate. That geek followed
her around constantly for weeks after that, thinking he really had a chance.”
Alice nodded. “Yeah. Oh, and that time he went with that blonde girl to that restaurant and
talked her into giving him oral sex under the table, and after he got off, he got up and left.”
Rose nodded, still laughing. “God, yes! He stuck her with the bill and stranded her there,”
she said.
Alice smiled. “He said he tipped the hostess for the secluded table so he did his part.”
Rose shook her head. “Such an asshole. OH! Remember that party two years ago when
Edward was fingering that girl with the short skirt and then walked over and stuck his
finger in Lauren Mallory’s mouth?”
Alice groaned. “Ugh, that was so disgusting! And she just sucked on his finger, trying to be
sexy. He thought it was so funny.”
“Of course he did. He thought it was all funny. I mean, do you remember what he did to
Shannon?” Rosalie said, shaking her head. “He thought that was the funniest thing in the
world.”
Alice sighed, shaking her head. “The bucking bronco,” she said, sounding exasperated.
“What’s the bucking bronco?” I asked. Rosalie laughed.
“It’s when a guy has a girl on her hands and knees and they’re having sex, and he grabs
onto her boobs tightly and whispers something completely sick or horrible in her ear,
something that would make her freak out. She’d try to get away from him quickly but he’s
holding onto her, so it’s essentially like a bucking bronco,” she said, shrugging.
I stared at her for a second, stunned. “Edward did that?” I asked. She nodded and I blinked
a few times, trying to absorb all of the information. None of it sounded like the Edward I
was in love with and it was all a bit surreal. “What did he say to the girl to make her want to
get away?”
“He said ‘your pussy’s not as tight as your moms’,” Rosalie said, smirking. My eyes widened
with shock and Alice sighed.
“He didn’t really sleep with the girl’s mom, he was just joking,” she said. I nodded
hesitantly, shocked anyway that he’d even say that. “He did it because Jacob dared him.
Those two were always daring each other to do stupid stuff and neither one would ever
back down.”
“Just like neither one will back down now,” Rosalie said quietly. “And speaking of Jacob,
we can add his sister to the list of fucked up things Edward has done.”
Alice nodded slightly and started curling my hair, fixating her attention entirely on it. An
awkward silence fell upon the room and Rosalie just leaned against the doorframe, looking
quite somber. I just sat still for a moment, surprised by their reaction to the last one. I
knew Jacob had been a good friend of theirs, as I’d seen the photos of them all together, but
it never dawned on me until then that all of them had lost a friendship in that situation.
“He told me about that one,” I said softly. They both looked at me with surprise. “He, uh… I
asked him about Jacob when he attacked him at the football game.”
Alice sighed. “Yeah. We all used to be really close. We still speak to Jacob when we see him
around, but it’s not the same you know? He sees it as us choosing Edward over him,” she
said, shrugging.
Rosalie laughed dryly. “We did choose Edward over him,” she said. “They forced us to
choose sides with their behavior, and we knew if we didn’t chose Edward we’d end up all
falling apart. Those two idiots could’ve worked it out like men instead of being immature
brats, but they decided to basically go to war over it. Both of them hit below the belt. Yes,
Jacob shouldn’t have said the things he said, but Edward shouldn’t have done what he did
either. They both fucked up and neither of them are man enough to stand up and admit it.”
“I know,” Alice said. “I wish they’d work it out.”
Rose nodded, and we were all silent for a moment longer before she cleared her throat.
“Anyway, we went way off course here. We were supposed to be telling you how to make
that asshole feel good.” I blushed and she smirked, obviously amused by my reaction.
“Yeah, where were we with that? Lots of tongue, little teeth. Stroke the hand, bob the head.
Only take it what you can without choking,” she said. My blush grew with every word,
slightly embarrassed, as it felt like they were coaching me.
“OH! The balls!” Rosalie said loudly. My eyes widened with shock and both her and Alice
started laughing. “Just cup them gently in the hand you aren’t jacking him with, guys love
that shit.”
“And you can spit if you want to, don’t feel like you have to swallow,” Alice said. My brow
furrowed in confusion before it dawned on me that the white stuff would be coming out
into my mouth.
“Oh God!” I exclaimed, louder than I intended it to sound. They both froze and stared at
me with confusion. “I didn’t realize… I mean… is it bad? What does it taste like?”
Rosalie smirked and Alice giggled. “Well, it’s a bit salty and gooey, and sometimes can be a
bit bitter. Jasper taste’s kind of like almonds,” Alice said. My eyes widened with shock and
Rosalie’s brow furrowed.
“Almonds? Emmett’s more like fucking Ajax or something,” Rosalie said. They both started
laughing and I just watched them, unsure of what to think. They calmed down after a bit
and Rosalie turned to me, smirking. “Honestly, it’s easier to just swallow it down and get it
over with. I think spitting makes the taste linger. It’s not unbearable.”
I nodded hesitantly, the entire conversation feeling a bit surreal. “Rose go pick something
out for her to wear. Edward wants her to wear the Nike’s, so coordinate,” Alice said after a
second.
Rosalie huffed, rolling her eyes. “Who the fuck do you think you are, bossing me around,”
she mumbled, turning and heading out of the door into the bedroom. Alice laughed lightly,
glancing at me.
“Don’t worry,” she said softly. “Edward’s understanding. Take your time and explore and
you’ll find your way around it. He knows you’re inexperienced, he’d appreciate just you
trying.”
I nodded, smiling. “Thank you, Alice. Really,” I said. She nodded and finished curling my
hair in silence. Rosalie walked in after a moment, holding a pair of jeans and a pink and
black shirt. She handed it out to me and I took it carefully. She nodded and turned around,
walking out once more. She tossed some undergarments at me from the doorway after a
second and I tried to catch them, but ended up dropping all of the clothes in the process.
Alice gave me a small smile and I leaned down to pick up the clothes, doing my best to not
accidentally expose myself as I was still wearing only my robe.
“I’ll let you get dressed,” she said, unplugging the curling iron. I nodded and thanked her
and she walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. I sighed and pulled
my robe off, letting it drop to the floor. I put the black bra and black panties on quickly
before slipping the jeans on. They fit snugly but weren’t overly tight, flaring out slightly at
the ankles. I slipped the shirt on and was a bit surprised that it came down so far, as I could
see the top of my breasts. I walked over to the door and swung it open, stepping into the
bedroom. Alice glanced at me and smiled brightly, clapping her hands. Rosalie smiled,
gazing at me, and held a shirt out. I took it from her and eyed it warily.
“It’s Edward’s. And yes, I asked him before I took it. Put it on overtop of that and you’ll
look perfect.” I nodded and thanked her softly, and she nodded in response. “Good. Well,
Emmett and I are heading out. See you all later.”
We said goodbye and Rosalie walked out, heading for the stairs. I slipped the shirt on,
noticing it was one of Edward’s plain white long-sleeved button up shirts. I put some socks
on and grabbed the shoes, putting them on and tying them. I glanced at Alice and she
nodded enthusiastically. “Great!” she said. “I’m going to head down to Jasper, Edward’s in
his room. You really do look amazing.”
I blushed, smiling sheepishly. I thanked her and she nodded once more, heading for the
door. She stepped out and I hesitated, before walking back into the bathroom. I walked
over and froze abruptly in front of the mirror, stunned at the vision reflecting back at me.
“Knock Knock.” The voice was soft and light, smooth and sweet like honey. I stared at
myself for a moment longer before turning my head toward the doorway to the bathroom,
where the voice had come from. My eyes fell upon Edward, my chest swelling with love and
devotion at the sight of him. He looked stunning, his hair in perfect disarray, his face
marked with that charming crooked grin of his. He was wearing the green and gray shirt
he’d asked about earlier, a white shirt underneath it that was slightly visible at the
hemlines. He had a pair of faded jeans on and was wearing the white and green Nike’s he
bought the day we went shopping. He looked straight from a magazine himself, so
startlingly handsome.
I still had Rosalie and Alice’s words flowing around in my head, all of those horrible things
Edward had done to girls in the past. And I couldn’t deny it horrified me a bit that he was
even capable of being so cruel and nonchalant with a girls feelings, but standing there
staring at him, it seemed like none of that was relevant. Those things didn’t apply to us, as I
knew he would never do those things to me. He loved me, and I loved him, and we’d both
done and experienced horrific things in life but that was all the past. Our future was
convoluted and confusing, but at the present… it was simply just right.
I wanted to tell him how handsome he was, wished I could make him understand exactly
how much I loved him, but instead the first words to roll from my lips were the last ones I
expected to ever say to the son of the man who purchased me with cash.
“Did you fold the rest of the clothes when you got your shirt out of the dryer?” I asked.
He stared at me for a second before laughing, shaking his head. He ran his hand through
his hair, causing even more chaos to erupt with his reddish-toned locks. “I’m afraid not
tesoro. But the clothes can wait for tomorrow.”
I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I suppose they can,” I mumbled, turning back and glancing in
the mirror. It was easy to see it was me, with my slightly flushed cheeks and random
freckles and the bump on the nose, but I felt so different. For once I didn’t see any of those
flaws first. I knew they were there, as they’d always be, but it wasn’t what stood out to me. I
felt pretty… I felt almost worthy.
Edward walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, gazing into the mirror. He
leaned down and kissed my neck softly before smirking. “Ah, look at that, baby. Do we
fucking look good together or what? We just look like we belong together and shit,” he said.
I smiled brightly.
“Yeah… we do,” I said, feeling my eyes welling up with tears of joy at his words. He
hummed lightly and squeezed me tighter into a hug, rocking us slightly with the
movement. I brought my hands up and placed them on his forearms, rubbing lightly.
“You really look amazing, la mia bella ragazza. Unbelievable beautiful,” he said. I smiled
and watched my reflection as one of those tears I’d been fighting back slipped through and
down my cheek. Edward loosened his grip and reached up, brushing it away quickly
without saying a word.
“So not a schifosa?” I asked playfully. He chuckled, shaking his head and squeezing me
tightly once more.
“Definitely not a fucking schifosa. You, my lady, are a goddamn figa. No, fuck that. You’re a
figone,” he said. “I’ve never been so attracted to someone before in my life like I’m
attracted to you.”
I smiled brightly. “Thank you,” I said softly. He shrugged it off, smirking.
“You might not wanna thank me. I can get a bit territorial because of it and tonight won’t
be any different. If anyone lays a goddamn finger on you, I swear I’ll fucking snap them
off,” he said. I rolled my eyes.
“No, you won’t, because I don’t want you getting into trouble with your father. And no one
is going to touch me. I doubt anyone will even notice me, anyway,” I said, shrugging. He
laughed dryly, pulling out of the hug.
“Looking like that, Isabella? They’re all going to notice you. But you’re right, they won’t
touch you, because they all oughtta fucking know not to,” he said. I sighed, as his voice had
an irritation to it. If he was already getting worked up and we hadn’t even made it out of
the house, the night was heading to be a total disaster.
“It’ll be okay,” I said quietly, turning away from the mirror and rubbing his back gently. He
sighed, nodding.
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “We should get going.”
I nodded and followed him out of the bathroom. I grabbed my coat from the closet and
flicked the light switch off, heading out into the hallway. Edward went into his room and
grabbed a gray coat, slipping it on. He started grabbing his keys and other necessities and I
waited patiently, slipping my coat on finally. After a minute he walked out, holding a large
bottle of alcohol. He opened it up and tipped it back, taking a large gulp of it. He grunted
afterwards and held it out to me, raising his eyebrows and smirking.
I eyed him hesitantly and he chuckled. “Trust me, tesoro. It takes a lot of fucking alcohol to
tolerate these assholes,” he said, his voice playful. I smiled lightly and took it hesitantly,
tipping it and taking a small swig. I grimaced as it burned and pulled it away from my lips
quickly. He chuckled, taking the bottle from me. “That’s my girl.”
He tipped it back again and took a huge gulp again. I stared at him with shock. “Should you
be drinking if you’re driving?” I asked hesitantly. He rolled his eyes, shrugging.
“I’m a good driver,” he said simply. “I’ve never been in an accident.” I sighed and nodded,
as I wasn’t going to argue with him. I trusted him not to hurt me.
He held the bottle out to me again and I shook my head, declining. He took another swig
and put the cap on, walking back into his bedroom and sitting it down. He came back out
and grabbed my hand, leading me to the stairs. We descended them quickly and he led me
outside, unlocking his car and opening the passenger door for me. It was chilly out, as it
was past dark, but it was at least dry. The snow was long gone from the ground, having
melted off the very next day after Christmas.
He closed the door after I got in and walked around, slipping into the drivers seat as I put
my seatbelt on. He started the car up, turning the heat on, and plugged the music player in.
He flipped through songs until he found a rap song, the bass so loud it rattled the windows.
He threw the car in gear and started out of the driveway, singing along to the song.
He flew in and out of the town of Forks, into the outskirts on the other side of town. He
drove for a few minutes before coming upon a small road swerving off to the right. He
turned onto it and I glanced in the mirror, noticing another car turning on it behind us. He
drove down it for a moment, through some trees, before coming to a clearing. It was a wide
opened field with a small cabin sitting off to the side. Behind the cabin was water, which I
assumed was a lake as Edward had repeatedly mentioned the party as being on a lake.
There were a lot of cars parked in the field and I could see a large fire going with a bunch of
people gathered around it. Edward pulled off to the back, away from the other cars, and
shut the engine off.
“You ready?” he asked, reaching over and rubbing my thigh lightly. He had his eyebrows
raised questioningly and stared at me, waiting on my response. I was nervous, feeling
slightly apprehensive and afraid of being around so many strangers, but I was already there
and it was too late to back out. And if I were being honest, I didn’t want to back out. I
wanted to go to this party; I wanted to spend the evening with Edward and around his
friends and classmates. I was afraid of how he would act with me there, if I’d have to deal
with him being flirtatious with other girls, but I felt like I should face it.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” I said finally, keeping my voice as even as possible. He sighed and ran
his hand through his hair, nodding. He opened his door and got out, walking over and
opening my car door. He held his hand out to me and I took it gingerly. He helped me out
and shut the car door, locking it up and setting the alarm. He led me through the field full
of cars, over toward where everyone was gathered. As we neared the crowd he loosened his
hold on my hand and I irrationally clung to it for a moment before letting go. He sighed
and shot me a sad smile, looking almost guilty for having let go of my hand. I smiled lightly
at him, wanting him to know I understood. He slowed his pace some when we started into
the crowd, keeping right beside me the entire time. A few people enthusiastically greeted
him the moment they spotted him and he said hello back, but he seemed distracted,
glancing around. He diverted us to the left after a moment and I looked up, spotting Jasper
and Alice standing in the crowd. We walked over to where they were, pausing in front of
them. I smiled at Alice and glanced over at Edward, who had his eyes narrowed slightly at
Jasper. He brought two of his finger up and pointed them at his eyes, before pointing them
at Jasper. Jasper clearly understood what the signal meant and nodded, throwing up two
fingers. My brow furrowed and I watched the exchange in confusion, but a slight bit of
amusement to it.
Edward turned toward me, taking a few steps and brushing up against me. “I’ll be back,
okay baby?” he whispered. I nodded and he ran his hand through his hair, looking a bit
torn. He reached over and brushed his fingertips against mine, sending tingles up through
my fingers, before walking away. I turned around and watched him walk through the
crowd, greeting people and pausing to chat. I could see his smile vibrantly through the
crowd of people, could see his laughter as his chest shook although I was unable to hear it
because of the noise of the talking and music.
He disappeared from sight after a moment and I turned around, glancing at Jasper and
Alice. They were both watching me warily, giving me sympathetic looks. I immediately felt
guilty, as this was the entire reason I had considered not coming in the first place. Their
fun was being hindered because of my presence.
“I’m fine guys, I mean it. You two can go have fun,” I said, shrugging. It was a partial truth,
as the thought of being here without anyone I knew was slightly frightening, but I didn’t
want them to suffer for me. Jasper laughed, shaking his head.
“Did you completely miss that entire exchange when you guys walked up? No can do,
darling. You’re stuck with me until he gets back,” he said, his tone playful. He reached over
and nudged me lightly and I gave him a smile in return.
We stood around chatting for a bit, people walking up to talk to Jasper or Alice. They were
all relatively friendly to me, no one outwardly mean. I was relaxing slightly, feeling a bit
more comfortable with the crowd.
I heard the booming laughter after awhile and swung around in just enough time to see
Emmett before he draped his arm over my shoulder. I tensed up slightly and glanced
around quickly for Rosalie, unsure of what her reaction was going to be to Emmett
touching me. She was a protective person and had been so nice to me lately—I didn’t want
to upset her.
Rosalie paused in front of me, holding some cups, and Emmett thrusted a red plastic cup
he’d been holding at me. “Here, kitten. Got you a drink. Don’t go taking anything from any
of these other fuckers around here, alright?” he said. I was stunned for a second but took
the cup from him, bringing it up to my nose and sniffing.
“Uh, thank you Emmett,” I said quietly. He nodded.
“Of course. I didn’t know what you’d want so I just got you some beer from the keg. I
figured you wouldn’t like it, but honestly none of us do and we drink it anyway,” he said,
raising his own cup up and hitting mine with it. “So welcome to the fucking clique, you’re
officially one of us now once you down that beer.” He tipped his drink back and started
chugging and I glanced up at him with shock, watching. Rosalie handed one of the cups she
was holding to Jasper and when Emmett finished the drink he was holding, he traded it
with Rosalie for the one that was filled.
Rosalie left to go throw the cup away, dragging Alice along with her. Emmett kept his arm
draped over me and started talking to Jasper about some video game, and I just stood there
frozen, completely thrown off guard and stunned at Emmett’s words.
I brought my drink up to my lips and took a drink, grimacing at the slight warmth and
bitterness. Michael Newton walked by after a moment with another guy and they stopped
to talk to the boys briefly. I gave Michael a small polite smile when his eyes met mine but
he looked away quickly, acting as if he were oblivious to my presence. I realized that was
because of Edward, that Edward’s behavior had intimidated the boy. It made me feel bad
immediately, but there was a small part of me, deep down inside, that almost relished it.
Edward was protective and it’s his protectiveness over me that makes me feel so safe
sometimes.
I was drinking on the beer, trying to ignore the bad taste, and started relaxing more. Alice
and Rosalie came back and I found myself chiming into conversations after a bit, loosening
up. They were joking and I was laughing along, feeling content and almost like I fit in with
all of these people. Like… one of them.
“Hey, Em.” The voice rang out behind us, registering as slightly familiar to my ears.
Emmett turned around quickly, still holding onto me and swinging me around with him. I
almost fell because of the sudden movement, nearly tripping over my own feet. Emmett
laughed at me but held me up so I didn’t hit the ground. I laughed and glanced up, freezing
when I saw Jacob Black standing there,
“What up, Jake?” Emmett said. He held his fist out to Jacob and Jacob bumped his own fist
into it.
“Not much. Eh, you finally decide to trade Rosalie in?” he asked, nodding his head toward
me. My eyes widened with shock and Emmett laughed.
“Shiiitttt, you know Rosie and me are for life boy. This one here’s not mine, just watching
over her, ya know, so the vultures don’t start circling her,” Emmett said.
Jacob nodded. “Yeah. I overheard Lauren talking about her earlier, jealous little bitch.”
Emmett laughed. “Yeah, her and Tanya. I don’t want to have to hit a bitch tonight. Rosie
probably wouldn’t give me any if I got locked up for assaulting a female, ya know?”
Jacob nodded and laughed lightly. “Yeah, I know.” He turned his gaze to me and smiled.
“Nice to see you again, Isabella Swan,” he said politely. I was surprised he was speaking so
nicely to me after the incident at the football game.
“You too, Jacob Black,” I said quietly. He smiled.
“Hey, what did one snowman say to the other?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at me. My
brow furrowed and I stared at him for a second before shrugging.
“I don’t know, what?” I asked. He smirked.
“Smells like carrots,” he said. Emmett started laughing and I giggled, shaking my head.
Jacob chuckled and Emmett cleared his throat. “Edward’s looking,” Emmett said quietly.
“He looks kinda pissed.”
I glanced around quickly, my eyes coming into contact with his over Jacob’s shoulder. He
was standing with some guy, who was blabbing away, but Edward wasn’t paying him any
attention. His gaze was fixated on us, a scowl on his face. I could see his hand balled up
into a fist at his side, could tell he was fighting to control his temper.
“When isn’t Edward pissed?” Jacob asked, shaking his head. “Anyway, just wanted to say
hey. I’ll holler at you some other time, Em. You all have a good night.”
He turned and walked away, and Emmett mumbled, “You too Jake.” After he was out of
sight I looked up at Emmett curiously.
“You still like Jacob after he said something bad about your mom?” I asked hesitantly.
Emmett sighed, nodding.
“His mom is dead too, ya know. Family was always a sensitive subject for both Edward and
Jake. We’ve got each other and Dad and Esme and Alec, but all Jake has is his dad and his
sisters. Which is why Edward knew better than to pursue Jake’s sister. He messed with his
family, and that’s not something you do. So yeah, Jacob shouldn’t have said the shit he said
and I was pissed for a while about it, but he was just defensive and hurt and wanted to
make Edward hurt. And before you came along, Izzy Bizzy, the only way to hurt Edward
was through mom’s memory. And I’m not saying the shit was right, but Edward snapped
right back at him about his own mother… before he blew up his fucking car and nearly
killed him, that is,” Emmett said. I nodded, slightly surprised. I glanced back over at
Edward and watched as Ben and Angela walked up to him. Ben handed him something and
Edward smiled, nodding and slipping it into his pocket.
Emmett swung me back around after a second so we were facing Jasper again. I laughed,
nearly falling once more, and Emmett held me up. They were chatting and I brought my
cup up to my mouth, swallowing down the last bit of drink in it. I shivered slightly at the
taste and heard a chuckle near me, so close it made my skin prickle. I turned my head to
the side and came face to face with Edward. He leaned down into me, his lips right beside
my hear, “So fucking sexy,” he whispered, his breath hitting my neck, the smell of mint and
alcohol mixed together oddly intoxicating my senses.
I blushed and he chuckled again. He said something to Jasper and reached into his pocket,
pulling out his glass pipe. He pulled out a little baggy full of marijuana and passed it over to
Jasper, who started packing some of it into the pipe. They chatted while Jasper did what he
was doing, but I couldn’t focus on what was going on because the electricity sparking off of
Edward with his close proximity was clouding my mind, sending currents of desire through
me. I realized the alcohol had something to do with it, as I could feel lighter, a buzzing
sensation.
Jasper pulled out a lighter and took a hit, passing it to Alice. They started passing it around
and when it got to Edward he took his hit, turning to eye me curiously. My eyes widened
slightly, realizing he wanted to know if I wanted some. I started stammering and he
smirked, bringing it up to his lips and taking another hit. He held it in his lungs and leaned
over at me. I tensed up slightly, because although he’d done this to me numerous times
he’d never done it in front of people. I stood still and closed my eyes as his mouth neared
mine, and inhaled once he started exhaling. I brought the smoke into my lungs and he
brushed his nose up against mine, lightly moaning. My entire body hummed and I held it
for as long as I could before having to let go to breathe. I opened my eyes and glanced
around to see everyone was staring at me with surprise, but Edward was smirking.
I started to blush at all of the attention, glancing around at them in confusion. Rosalie
groaned after a second, reaching over and smacking Emmett in the head hard. “Why don’t
you ever do that shit for me, asshole? That’s fucking hot,” she asked. Everyone started
laughing and Emmett pulled his arm from around me finally, reaching up to rub his head.
“Christ, Rosie, I’ll shotgun you if you want baby. You always do the shit yourself, ya know,
and what she did was kinda cheating. Everyone’s gotta hit the shit personally at least once,
it’s like a rite of passage or something,” he said. Rosalie rolled her eyes.
“Whatever, give it here,” she said. Edward handed it to her and she took a hit, scowling at
Emmett. She passed it to her boyfriend and Ben walked up, tapping Edward on the
shoulder.
“Here, man. Here’s the new shit your father gave me,” he said, holding out a blunt to
Edward. Edward took it and thanked him, grabbing the lighter from Emmett to light it real
quick. He took a drag and held it, nodding.
“Yeah, that is good. Thanks,” Edward said. Ben nodded and gave me a small smile before
walking away. Edward took another hit of it and turned to me, smirking. “Emmett’s right,
you know. You’ve gotta hit it yourself once,” he said, holding it out to me. My eyes widened
with shock and I stared at him for a moment before reaching out and taking it carefully. My
hand was trembling a bit and I gaped at it.
“Just wrap your lips around it and suck, honey,” Rosalie said playfully, her voice full of
amusement. I stared at her and blushed, smiling sheepishly. They all laughed and Edward
came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me. I tensed up, shocked, as there were a
lot of people nearby that would see.
“What are you doing? People will see,” I said quietly, glancing around. Edward shrugged
and Emmett laughed.
“Don’t worry kitten, everyone fucking knows anyway. You can’t hide love like that. In fact,
I’m pretty fucking sure my father’s known for a while, I just can’t figure out why he hasn’t
said shit about it. He must really like you, or else he’s fucking afraid of Edward for some
reason,” Emmett said, shrugging. “The odds of him ever being afraid of that pansy ass
aren’t that damn high though, since nothing really scares Dad, so I’m guessing he just likes
you.”
I stood there, gaping at him with shock. “Dr. Cullen knows?!” I asked loudly, slightly
panicked. They all started laughing but Edward sighed, leaning down and kissing my neck.
“There’s a good chance he does,” Edward said softly. “It doesn’t matter, we’ll deal with it.”
I nodded, sighing. I couldn’t deny that frightened me a bit, the idea that Dr. Cullen really
did know. I suspected it myself because of the way he looked at Edward and I, but to have
others express the same feeling made it a lot worse. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react
about it, how he was going to treat me or if he’d want me to go away.
“Take a hit,” Edward mumbled, nuzzling into my neck. I sighed and brought it up to my
lips, sucking in. My throat started burning immediately, my lungs filling with smoke. It was
strong, a lot stronger than I got when I simply inhaled from Edward. I pulled it away and
started coughing violently, my chest heaving as I gasped for air. Edward took the blunt
from me and passed it to Emmett, wrapping his arms around me as I doubled over,
hacking. My eyes were watering and my lungs scorching, my entire body numbing. Emmett
laughed, taking a hit, and Edward pulled me up and held me tightly, chuckling.
“Yeah, she’s about to be real fucked up from that,” Emmett said, taking a hit. I reached up
and brushed the tears from my eyes, trying to take a deep breath but my lungs still felt like
they were on fire. Alice handed a cup out to me, smiling.
“Take a drink, it’ll make it a bit better. It’ll at least take the burn from the throat,” she said.
I nodded and thanked her, my voice hoarse. I brought the cup up to my lips and took a sip.
Whatever it was tasted slightly fruity, a lot better than that stuff Emmett had me drinking.
“Hey, didn’t I tell you not to take cups from people?” Emmett asked. I handed the cup back
to Alice, rolling my eyes.
“It’s just Alice,” I said. Edward laughed lightly, before sighing contently. He squeezed me
tightly and rocked us a bit. I brought my hands up to grasp onto his forearms and he
started kissing the exposed skin on my neck. I could feel his soft wet tongue pressing
against my skin, shivers coursing down my spine. His warmth was comforting, his scent
invigorating. My skin was prickling up, goose bumps dancing across my body as the
electricity spiked, surging right to that spot between my legs. My heart started racing, my
breathing shaky.
“Are you okay? You’re trembling,” Edward asked softly, whispering against my flesh. I
nodded, unsure of how to respond to that without embarrassing myself. He sighed. “Do you
wanna go take a walk, just you and me?”
I nodded. He pulled his lips from my neck and unwrapped his arms from around me. He
ran his hand through his hair, glancing around. “We’re taking a walk, douches. We’ll be
around.”
They all acknowledged what he said and I started walking away. Edward reached out and
grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together. He led me out toward where all of the cars
were parked, strolling slowly. We ran into a few people along the way and he’d stop for a
brief moment to chat, but never once did he attempt to pull away from me or let go of my
hand. We were walking past a row of cars when a throat cleared near us. Edward glanced in
the direction of the noise, groaning and rolling his eyes. I glanced over and saw a blonde
haired girl leaning up against a black car with pink stickers on it. She was wearing a tiny
skirt and I imagined she had to be freezing because I could feel the cold through even my
jeans. She was watching us with an odd expression on her face. She looked half amused but
mainly angry.. I squinted in the darkness and realized she looked vaguely familiar. It took a
second before it registered that she was the one in the devil costume on Halloween.
“Lauren,” Edward said, nodding. My eyes widened slightly with surprise when I realized
this was the girl Edward had been talking about earlier, and the one Rosalie and Alice had
mentioned. Edward had touched another girl and had her taste it. She was glaring at me
angrily, the amusement dying completely when she saw he was holding my hand.
“Edward,” she said sharply, glancing up at him. She let her eyes rake down his body, a
small smirk on her lips as she eyed him, and I felt a sudden surge of anger flow through me.
I felt protective, and jealous, and didn’t like the looks she was giving him. I felt almost
violated by them, like she was disrespecting me. I cleared my throat and her eyes snapped
over at me. She narrowed her eyes angrily. “He’ll drop you like a bad habit, you know.
You’re nothing but a servant. You’re the help, for Christ sakes!”
I could feel Edward’s hand start to shake and squeezed it, knowing his temper was flaring. I
raised my eyebrows at Lauren, my slight inebriation making my confidence and bravery
swell. I was already too deep, too far gone with Edward to ever go back. All I could do was
push forward, and pushing forward required taking risks and speaking up.
“You know, that may be true, I may be a servant. But at least I’m not a puttana, and that
make’s me different, you… you… schifosa,” I said sharply, the words just flying from my
mouth before I could register what I was saying.
Her eyes narrowed more. “What did you just call me?” she asked. I just stared at her,
because honestly I had no clue what a puttana was but I recalled Dr. Cullen using it to refer
to the casual girls Edward slept around with in the past and knew it wasn’t a nice word.
“I, uh… I think she called you a puttana,” Edward said, his voice laced with shock, “and a
schifosa.” I glanced at him and saw he was gaping at me, the corner of his lips fighting to
turn up.
“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. You’ll give it up to him like all of the other girls around here
and then he’ll leave you and walk away. None of them can say no to Edward Cullen, he gets
anything he wants and he knows it. Any girl here would do whatever it takes to take him
from you, to have him for themselves,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest and
glaring at me.
“Does that including sucking another girls juices off of his fingers?” I snapped, my temper
flaring. I’d never had my temper flare like this before, never felt such a surge of anger I
couldn’t control. She stared at me with confusion and I smirked irrationally. “Or did you
even notice?”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, irritated. I shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter. But he doesn’t do those things to me, and nothing you can say will hurt
my trust in him. So get over it,” I said. I turned to walk away, pulling my hand from
Edward’s. He stood frozen for a second before chuckling.
“Well, fuck. I guess you heard the girl, Lauren,” he said. He turned and started after me,
grabbing my hand once more. I felt a bit of panic flaring up, unsure of how he was going to
react or what he would say about me saying those things to that girl. We walked toward his
car in silence and I paused beside it sighing. I glanced at him and saw he was smirking that
lopsided grin of his, his eyes practically dancing with excitement.
“Where the fuck did that come from?” he asked, laughing to himself. I shrugged.
“I don’t know, I mean it just started coming out, I didn’t even realize what I was saying. I’ve
never gone off like that before,” I said. He nodded, still smirking.
“Well, do that shit more often baby because that was fucking hot. I swear to god, just
hearing you get angry and jealous like that was erotic, I about fucking came in my pants,”
he said.
My eyes widened with shock. “I, uh… I mean…” I started, unsure of what to say to that.
“What’s a puttana?” I asked hesitantly, finally. His brow furrowed with confusion before he
started laughing.
“Christ you don’t even know what that means?” he asked. I shook my head no and he
laughed harder. “It means ‘whore’,” he said. I nodded, not surprised.
“I figured it was something like that,” I said. He stopped laughing after a moment, shaking
his head but still smirking. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him, into a
tight hug. My body pressed against his and I could feel the bulge, the swell of his pants
indicating his arousal. It did crazy things to my already out of control body, tingles
shooting through me at the recognition that I did that to him. I turned him on, he desired
me.
I pressed myself again him harder and he groaned, his hands rubbing my back gently. His
one hand came down and he slowly rubbed it over my backside in my jeans, squeezing me
lightly. I pulled my head back to look at him and he smiled, leaning down and kissing my
lips softly. I parted my lips and his tongue came out, the kiss deepening. He walked me
backwards until I hit the car, and broke the kiss briefly to grab a hold of me. I yelped with
surprise as he picked me up and sat me down on the hood of his car, coming up between
my legs. He found my lips again and I wrapped my arms around him, lacing my fingers
through his hair. He groaned and pushed himself against me, the bulge in his pants
pressing between my thighs. I moaned and wrapped my legs around him, pulling him even
closer. He started thrusting his hips slightly, grinding into me, sending sparks flying
through my body. I could fell myself growing wetter, my desire surging. The fact that we
were outside, and there were people nearby who could walk out here and see us didn’t
bother me as much as I thought it would. All that mattered to me was Edward, and those
feelings he was creating inside of me. I realized at that moment that I’d given all of my soul
to him, that I’d devoted myself to him entirely. I trusted him and surrendered myself to
him, truly believed that he’d never do something to harm me. I couldn’t deny that I was
startled at his boldness in public, even if Dr. Cullen might already have an idea of what was
going on, but I didn’t back off. Because if Edward felt it was okay, I was okay with it. He’d
completely consumed me; he was my light, my guiding force in the darkness. Edward
would get me out of the blackness my life had always been, I knew that. I believed it.
I squirmed some, moaning as he rubbed against me, my heart pounding frantically. He

pulled back from my lips and smiled. “You wanna get in the car? That way, you know, we
aren’t giving anyone a fucking show or anything.”
“Okay,” I whispered, my voice a bit gritty. He cocked an eyebrow at me and I smiled

sheepishly. “Okay, I want to get in the car,” I said, clarifying. He smirked, nodding.
“That’s my girl,” he said. He grabbed my hips and pulled me from the hood. He pulled his
keys out and opened the driver’s side door, reaching down and pulling the seat up. He
turned and smiled at me, nodding toward the back seat. “After you,” he said. I smiled and
climbed inside, scooting over to the other side. The car was slightly warmer and my skin
was flushed, so I pulled my coat off when I got inside. Edward climbed inside and shut the
door, locking us inside. He pulled his coat off and tossed it into the front seat, smirking. He
leaned over to me and captured my lips with his at once, his hand roaming down my chest.
He squeezed my breasts gently before trailing his hand down toward my center, rubbing it
through my jeans. I moaned into his mouth, squirming a bit under his touch.
After a moment he grasped the button on my jeans and popped it open quickly, unzipping
them. I gasped and pulled my mouth from his, my eyes snapping open when he stuck his
hand down the front of my pants, inside my underwear. He grazed his fingertips over my
sensitive spot and I moaned involuntarily as the pleasure surged through me.
“Wait, Edward,” I mumbled, slightly panicking that he was doing this to me in the car. He
stilled his hand and glanced at me hesitantly. I just stared at him for a second and he
sighed, starting to pull his hand away.
“Sorry, I should’ve asked first,” he said, sounding apologetic and a bit disappointed. I shook
my head no quickly and grabbed a hold of his arm before he pulled away from me
completely.
“No, I just… I mean… here?” I asked, glancing over out the window beside me. “I mean,
what if people see?” I irrationally whispered at the end, as if someone would over hear.
Edward sighed.
“Shit, Bella, we’re parked way back here where no one else is, no one has any reason to
come out here. And plus the windows are tinted dark; no one will see shit even if they tried
to. We’ve got privacy,” he said, shrugging. I nodded hesitantly, his words squashing my
panic.
“Okay then,” I mumbled. He looked at me questioningly for a moment before smirking.
“Marijuana makes people paranoid sometimes,” he said playfully, leaning forward and
kissing me softly. He put his hand back in my pants and started rubbing against my spot
again, his lips shifting down onto my neck. He was licking and sucking and nipping at my
skin, the movement of his hand growing even more frantic. The tingles were shooting all
though my body, my breathing erratic, my heart pounding furiously. Edward was focusing
al of his attention on me, touching me and kissing any sliver of skin he could find, and I
started to feel selfish. I knew he was aroused, as I’d been able to feel it through his jeans
earlier, so I reached over and ran my hand up his leg. I hit the bulge in his pants and
started rubbing it before reaching up and trying to undo his belt. His movement faltered
briefly when he realized what I was doing, but he picked his pace right back up.
“You don’t have to,” he mumbled. I nodded, moans involuntarily escaping my throat as his
fingers rubbed against my spot. My tension was building already, the pleasure increasing
with every touch. I knew it wouldn’t be long for me and I wanted to touch him, wanting
him to feel good while I felt good.
I finally got the belt undone and unbuttoned his pants, unzipping them. I fumbled around,
trying to slip my hand inside but the position was slightly awkward and I couldn’t quite
manoeuvre it. I shifted my body after a moment, irritated that the position was hindering
my sudden overwhelming urge to see his arousal. I slouched down in the seat some and
Edward chuckled against my skin. I reached into his pants and was able to grab a hold of
his erection when he pushed fingers inside of me. I gasped and bucked my hips, pleasuring
coursing through me. I tried to stroke Edward as he pushed his fingers in and out of me but
his pants were getting in the way. He must’ve realized it, as he pulled his hips up after a
moment and his jeans fell down enough that I could slip him out of his boxers. I wrapped
my hand around him and started stroking, gripping firmly. He groaned and started
pushing his fingers into me more frantically and I felt the pleasure skyrocket abruptly, my
body tensing. I cried out as my body started convulsing and I clenched around Edward’s
fingers. He continued to push me on, his movements slowing when my body started
relaxing, my muscles loosening up.
He stopped after a moment and I just sat there, almost in a stupor, still holding onto
Edward but not moving my hand. He pulled his hand out from my pants and smirked,
leaning over to kiss me sweetly. “I love seeing you like that, you’re fucking beautiful when
you cum,” he said against my lips. I smiled against his mouth and he brought my bottom
lip between his teeth, nipping at it. I started moving my hand again, stroking him gently,
and he pulled back from my lips. He groaned and lay back, propping himself up against the
side of the car and closing his eyes. I stroked him firmly and watched Edward’s reactions,
as his facial expressions were stunning. He was making throaty noises, his hands balled up
in fists, his face twisting in what looked like agonized pleasure. But he lay still and allowed
me to do it at my own pace, not bucking his hips or making any moves to take control. He
was just enjoying the ride and allowing me to lead.
Sitting there watching him, his restraint and patience, made me realize exactly how Alice
was right. Edward would be patient with me. Edward would allow me to try things and
experiment, and if I failed horribly at them or messed up he’d understand.
I hesitated for a moment, but the combination of the high from my orgasm, and the high
from the drugs and alcohol caused my confidence to soar as I gazed at Edward’s beautiful
form, leaning back and enjoying whatever I gave him. I glanced down at my hand on his
erection and leaned my head down, pausing before wrapping my lips around the tip, trying
to guard my teeth but running my tongue along it. I was immediately hit by a slightly salty
taste, almost like sweat, and Edward gasped loudly. His hand shot to my hair quickly,
gripping onto my locks tightly but not hurting me. I started pushing more into my mouth
and Edward hissed.
“Stay still,” he said through gritted teeth. I froze abruptly and he loosened his grip on my
hair and started stroking it softly after a moment. “Okay, I’m okay. Christ, I almost blew my
load in your mouth.”
I was slightly stunned, unsure if that was good or bad, but started moving my head down
further after a moment. The tip of him hit the back of my throat and I felt myself almost
gag so I stopped there. I pulled my mouth back up, running my tongue along the side of it,
and started stroking him with my hand again. I synchronized the movement of my head
with the stroking of my hand, increasing my pace after a moment. It wasn’t as difficult as I
assumed it to be, as Alice had been right—it just seemed to come naturally. He was making
throaty noises, grunting and groaning, stroking my hair and back as I sucked on him. It
didn’t take long before it started swelling slightly larger and twitching a bit, Edward’s
noises growing louder.
“That feels so fucking good baby,” he said, his voice strained. “Christ, yeah, just like that.”
I continued my movements, gripping firmer and wrapping my lips around him tighter. I
grazed my teeth across his tip lightly, purely by accident, and he groaned loudly. “Fuck,
that felt good,” he said. I was slightly stunned by his words, his approval and obvious
enjoyment over what I was doing. I was making him feel good like this, like he’d made me
feel good.
He started tensing up after a moment, his breathing erratic. He took his hand from my hair
and grabbed the car seat, grunting and clutching onto it tightly.
“Uh… fuck… I’m… uh… Christ, I’m gonna cum,” he stammered, gritting his teeth. I felt him
swell once more and then his body went rigid, his erection twitching. He cried out loudly
and I was instantly assaulted by a thick gooey saltiness shooting into the back of my throat.
I nearly gagged and made a face, but tried to continue to suck on him and stroke his length.
I swallowed the thick warm substance down quickly and more came out, which I also
swallowed immediately. The stream of strong liquid stopped after a moment and he started
to soften as I sucked the last bit of his release off of him. I pulled my lips from him,
grimacing, as the bitterness seemed to linger in my mouth.
I glanced up at Edward and saw he was gaping at me, his mouth lips parted and a shocked
expression on his face. My brow furrowed and I immediately wondered if I did something
wrong, if I’d done something I wasn’t supposed to. He reached his hand out after a moment
and ran his fingertips across my lips lightly.
“Um, did I do something wrong?” I asked hesitantly.
His brow furrowed and he looked at me with confusion. “Why the fuck would you think
that?” he asked. “You did great. No, fuck that. You did better than great. You did fucking
fantastic! I don’t know what the fuck just inspired that, but I gotta say, I’m pretty goddamn
grateful.” I smiled sheepishly and he chuckled. He reached his hand down and removed
mine from him, tucking himself back in his pants. He zipped and buttoned them up,
redoing his belt before sitting up and leaning up into the front seat. He snatched a bottle of
water he had sitting in the cup holder, handing it to me.
“Thank you,” I said, blushing and taking the water. I took a drink and it started washing
away the sticky bitterness that seemed to coat my throat. The water was warm and slightly
stale tasting, but it was wet and that’s all that really mattered.
“Yeah, don’t mention it baby. I can’t believe my girlfriend fucking swallows, and her first
time at that. When did I get so fucking lucky?” he said, shaking his head and smirking. I
blushed as he glanced at me, and he chuckled. I handed him the bottle of water and he
returned it to its spot.
There was a loud whistling sound after a moment, followed by a thunderous bang. I
jumped and yelped, bringing my hands up to cover my ears quickly. I stared at Edward
wide eyed, confused, and his brow furrowed.
“It’s just fireworks,” he said. His lips turned up in a smirk and he nodded. “Come on, grab
your coat.”
He grabbed his coat and pulled it on, and I straightened my clothes out and pulled my coat
on. Edward opened the car door and got out, holding his hand out to me to help me out.
The night air was slightly chilly and Edward locked the car back up, leading me around to
the other side. He leaned back against the cars door and pulled me back to him, wrapping
his arms around me tightly. There was another loud whistle after a moment and my eyes
snapped in the direction of it, before the bang rang out and there was a burst of color in the
sky. I stared at it, stunned at how beautiful and startling it was. Edward chuckled at my
look of amazement, squeezing me tightly.
“See, just fireworks, tesoro. Nothing to be afraid of. They’re loud but they won’t hurt you.
Actually, I won’t let anything hurt you,” he said quietly. I smiled and leaned back into him
further, and he wrapped his arms around me tighter.
We stood quietly watching the fireworks for a moment before the crowd of people over by
the lake started yelling, counting. Edward smirked and swung me around to face him. The
people got to one and more fireworks went off in the distance, while Edward leaned down
and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me deeply and passionately. He pulled back after a bit,
brushing his fingertips across my lips again.
“Do you have any idea exactly how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how
much I love you? I was broken until you came into my life and I’m finding myself again. I
never thought it would happen, never thought I’d find someone like you. My mom used to
talk about fate all the time, and I think now that you’re my fate. You were brought to me for
a reason, for us to save each other. Because you weren’t the only one needing saved, Bella. I
was drowning, and you rescued me. You’re my life now.” He paused, sighing. “Happy new
year, baby.”
I stood there and stared at him, stunned by his words. His words were absorbing in and I
laughed lightly after a moment, when what he hadn’t said registered. Edward smiled,
raising his brows. “What’s so funny?”
I smiled, shaking my head. “Do you realize you said all of that without saying ‘fuck’?” I
asked, whispering the last word. His eyes widened with shock and he gaped at me. I
blushed, smiling sheepishly because I just said a bad word, but I knew he’d wanted to hear
me say it for a while. I brought my bottom lip into my mouth, feeling slightly dirty having
said it though. He smirked finally and blinked a few times, running his hand through his
hair.
He pulled me back to him after a second, squeezing me and sighing. We were quiet for a
moment, just watching the fireworks go off in the sky, before he chuckled lightly.
“Yeah, I guess I did. Well then… fuck.”
*****
Figa = attractive woman

Figone = Even more sexually attractive woman
Chapter 41 Understood
“Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be
understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or
she can put up with almost anything in the world.”-- Ed Hird
I was frazzled, really fucking on edge. My stomach was doing goddamn somersaults and I
felt like at any fucking moment I was going to spew all over the inside of the car. And that
was pissing me off, because I loved my fucking Volvo. Nobody pukes in the goddamn
Volvo, not even me. I swear to Christ if I fucked up the interior because I was being a
goddamn scared pussy, I was going to kick my own ass. Or fuck, give Emmett permission to
do it. He’d gladly knock my ass out, as he’s wanted a fucking reason to for a while now.
I pulled onto the small road leading to the party at the Cheney’s cabin, and my nerves
spiked to an all time high. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I felt like any second
it was just going to rupture, just fucking explode and I would slump over the goddamn
steering wheel, put out of my fucking misery. My fingers were tingling and starting to go
numb and I was getting light headed. I knew exactly what the fuck that meant as soon as
the symptoms started, but I was taken aback because it’s been a long ass time since I had to
go through it.
I was having a goddamn panic attack.
I parked in the back, away from all of the other cars, and glanced in the mirror to see
Tanya’s piece of shit little white car come flying by and up toward the cabin. She’d been
behind me almost the entire way through town and seeing the goddamn thing in my rear
view mirror hadn’t been helping my resolve to chill the fuck out.
I was really fucking nervous about this, because I knew that tonight was going to be a
turning point. Just bringing Isabella here to this party was damn near officially going
public with our relationship and that was pretty goddamn frightening. I’d been talking to
my brothers a bit about the shit since Christmas and I hadn’t said anything to Isabella
about it, but we were all quite sure our father knew what was going on. We couldn’t figure
out why the fuck he hadn’t said anything about it, what game he’s playing by acting
oblivious to it all. I didn’t know if maybe he was hoping the shit would just handle itself and
stop, or if he didn’t really have a problem with it, or for all I knew he was just in goddamn
denial about it. But regardless, he hadn’t come out and said, “stop this shit”, so that gave
me a little bit of hope. Hope that the shit wasn’t going to be unmanageable, hope that we
could find some common ground and I wouldn’t be facing a huge fight. Because the fact of
the matter was, I was in deep. And I was prepared to fucking fight if I needed to. I wasn’t
going to lose her; I wouldn’t let my father take her from me. I’d lost too much in life as it
was—she wasn’t going to be another thing I had to just learn to fucking live without.
I pulled the keys from the ignition and glanced over at Isabella. She was keeping a calm
expression, but I could see the hesitance and fear in her eyes. I was learning to read her
pretty fucking well by now, but I just hoped like hell she wasn’t as good at reading me. I
didn’t want her to see my panic, because it would only cause hers to surge. I needed to get
myself under control and stop this before it became a full goddamn attack and I started
hyperventilating and shit. I was trying to get her to relax and open up so we could have a
nice fucking time, and me freaking out about the shit would only make her freak out.
“You ready?” I asked, reaching over and rubbing her leg gently. Part of me hoped she’d
fucking say no and tell me to turn the goddamn car back on and take her home, but I didn’t
want to just come out and suggest that. I didn’t want to give her an easy out on this,
because frankly this was something we’d need to fucking face eventually and I was tired of
hiding. I was tired of pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I needed to get the balls to stand
up about this shit and I surely didn’t want to kill her confidence with my own fears. She
was growing and changing and I wanted to help her in that process, not fucking knock her
back down a few steps because I can’t walking into a goddamn party with her without
hyperventilating.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” she said. She was trying to be brave and that made me proud. She was
fucking strong, that’s for sure. I got out of the car and helped her out, holding her hand as
we started toward the party. I spotted Tanya as we neared the crowd and that goddamn
panic started swelling again. I knew the moment I was spotted people would start talking to
me, treating me like goddamn royalty like they usually did, and I didn’t want to thrust her
into that shit already by putting her under a fucking microscope, having to deal with
questions flying at us about whether or not we were fucking dating. And I felt like a fucking
asshole doing it, but I needed some time to toughen up about this shit. I needed to kill the
panic attack before I could be strong enough to completely expose her to these pricks by
showing her blatant affection, the kind of shit I never did before around any of these
people. So I let go of her hand, because I knew holding it would draw a major amount of
fucking attention right off the bat. And she practically clung to me, not wanting to let go,
which made me feel even worse about the shit. My girl was scared as hell and I wasn’t in
the frame of mind to comfort her and make all the shit better, not when my own stomach
was still doing somersaults and I felt like I was going to pass the fuck out.
I found Jasper and Alice quickly, because I knew she’d be safe with them and no one would
fuck with her. I didn’t want to just leave her there, I felt like an asshole doing it, and a part
of me was screaming to fucking stay by her side. But I was confused, and it was all so new
to me, and I really just wanted to kill the goddamn anxiety I was dealing with so we could
do this shit right.
So I told her I’d be back and I started through the crowd, playing the fucking part of Mr.
Popular and pretending to give a shit what people were saying. I smiled and laughed like I
was goddamn supposed to, when I felt like fucking throwing up instead. I dragged
Isabella’s ass to a party she was hesitant to come to and then walked off from her—what
kind of fucking boyfriend was I?
I headed toward the cabin and spotted Ben quickly, asking him if he had any goddamn
Ativan or Xanax or Valium or Lorazepam or Paxil. Christ, any fucking thing to kill the
panic, I didn’t care what it was. He looked confused by my request, as I sure as fuck wasn’t
one to go asking on the street for prescription medications since my father was a doctor,
but he told me to follow him without questioning me. I was getting fucking clammy and
starting to feel trapped and smothered, had the goddamn urge to escape. I was paranoid
and I knew I was going to start hyperventilating if he didn’t hurt the fuck up and get me
something. I should’ve taken something before we left the house but I’d been fine then and
it didn’t even cross my mind that I’d start freaking out like this.
I stepped inside the cabin and he walked in behind me, shutting the door. I followed him
down a hallway to a small room, freezing when I stepped in the doorway and saw the uncut
kilo brick of cocaine sitting on the table. Ben walked over to a desk in the corner and
opened a drawer, sorting through some orange pill bottles. He glanced at the labels, pulling
one out and holding it up. He asked me how many I needed and I told him two would work,
when frankly I wanted to swallow the entire fucking bottle the way I was feeling. I didn’t
even ask him what the fuck it was, he just handed me the two pills and I swallowed them
dry, choking them down. It was uncomfortable and made my throat scratchy but it worked,
because the quicker they got into my system and I calmed my ass down, the quicker I could
man the fuck up and be the guy Isabella needed right now. The one that stood proudly
beside her, because I was fucking proud to have her, and not the scared little inexperienced
dickhead I was feeling like.
“What do I owe you for them?” I asked, still staring at the brick of coke. He rarely took my
fucking money but I always offered, sometimes forcing money at him.
“Nothing man, you know better than that,” he said. “You, uh, want some of that? I haven’t
had a chance to cut it yet.”
I glanced over at him and saw he was watching me curiously, his eyebrows raised. I shook
my head no hesitantly, running a hand through my hair. My heart was still racing, my
palms sweaty and fingers fucking numb. “I’m trying to stay away from that shit, ya know?
Did my dad drop that off?”
Ben nodded. “Yeah, early this morning. And good for you, getting off the coke. You still
smoking?”
“I don’t see myself ever giving that shit up, Ben,” I said. I knew some people were against
marijuana, but it was just a goddamn plant to me. Weed chilled me out, calmed me down,
and I’d cut back on the shit some but I couldn’t just give it up. He chuckled and nodded,
understanding.
“I got some good shit around here somewhere, your fathers going to be getting it
somewhere new now. He just gave me some samples this morning. I’ll find you later and let
you try it. He told me to give you the money for the kilo when I saw you anyway because I
didn’t have the cash when he stopped by,” he said. I nodded, not at all surprised as they
usually used me as a middleman. Ben wasn’t exactly afraid of my father, but I knew he was
more comfortable dealing with me. I didn’t blame him a bit for it—my father took business
seriously, he could be goddamn intimidating about it.
“Thanks. I’m going to go find something to drink and chill the fuck out,” I said. It wouldn’t
take long for the pills to kick in and kill the heart palpitations and shakiness and I’d quit
goddamn panicking irrationally and think clearly again. I didn’t fucking know what I was
doing, I was afraid of messing up or doing the wrong thing, unfairly opening Isabella up to
attack by association with me. Christ, I just didn’t know how to act and my goddamn body
was betraying me by acting like a fucking frightened jackass.
“Is your girl here?” Ben asked curiously. I nodded, sighing.
“Yeah. She’s out there with Jasper and Alice,” I said. He smiled knowingly, reaching over
and slapping me on the back lightly.
“The Xanax makes sense now,” he said. “Angela liked her, you know. We’ll have to double
date someday or some shit, whatever it is these girls get into these days.”
“Yeah,” I said simply, knowing that was a fucking long shot. Isabella had shrugged off the
idea of making friends with them. She didn’t feel it was right or fair, and I personally
thought that was goddamn stupid but I had to respect her choice. She didn’t have the
chance to make many fucking choices concerning her life and the ones she was able to
make I wouldn’t dare take away from her. “Anyway, I’ll see you around.”
I turned and walked out of the room, greeting a few people along the way. I made it outside
and walked over to the keg, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it up with the piss-looking
yellow beer. It smelled fucking decrepit and I took a drink, grimacing because the shit
tasted stale and bitter. I took a deep breath and threw the cup back, chugging it and trying
to hold back the urge to fucking spew it all back out everywhere. I hated goddamn beer,
especially the cheap shit from the keg these idiots in Forks insisted on always getting. If I
had to drink beer, it had to be imported, and even then preferably fucking Heineken.
I smashed the cup when it was empty and tossed it into a trashcan, glancing around.
Everyone I went to school with was standing around chatting, and there were quite a few
kids present who’d already graduated from the hellhole that is Forks High School and were
back from college on winter break. I also recognized a few of the Quileute’s mingling
around, but none of them spoke to me or even really fucking looked at me anymore. I guess
I couldn’t blame them for not wanting to associate with the only motherfucker in the
history of their tribe to ever be banished from the goddamn reservation. I guess I deserved
that shit but it still pissed me off that I couldn’t go down to First Beach anymore. I had a lot
of fucking memories from that place and would love to take Isabella there, as I knew she’d
love it, but it was impossible. Not unless I wanted to land my ass in a jail cell.
I felt a light hand on my back after a moment and jumped, startled. I turned my head and
spotted Tanya standing beside me, smirking. I cocked an eyebrow at her and shrugged her
off of me, not wanting those hands of hers ever touching me again. “Can I fucking help you
with something?” I asked, wondering why the fuck she was touching me anyway, and what
it was she wanted. My paranoia was still up a bit, my natural reaction to fucking flee
lingering inside. I hated goddamn panic attacks but I’d learned to hide them over the years,
so much so that my father was the only one who could read me well enough to know what I
was starting to have one.
Her smirk grew. “Yeah, you can help me,” she practically purred, her eyes raking down my
body slowly. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at her attempt at seduction. It was so
fucking obvious and it wasn’t even goddamn cute. It made her look trashy and cheap, and a
few months ago I most likely would’ve grabbed her arm and took her behind the cabin and
fucked her right then and there, but not anymore. That shit didn’t do it for me anymore. I
didn’t want anyone but la mia bella ragazza.
“Don’t get your hopes up bagascia, that shit ain’t happening,” I said, looking away from her.
“There are plenty of other dicks around here for you to go slobbering all over.”
She laughed bitterly. “What the fucks happened to you?” she asked. I sighed, not in the
mood to explain it to her. I didn’t fucking owe her an explanation anyway; it really wasn’t
any of her damn business.
“It’s called growing up Tanya, maybe you should try it sometime,” I said, shrugging. I
walked away from her and could hear her huff exaggeratedly, fucking irritated that I
wouldn’t play those goddamn games with her anymore. I walked through the crowd and
grabbed another drink, my system finally calming down and relaxing. I stopped to talk to
Demetri briefly and he was going on about some goddamn thing, but I couldn’t really focus
on him because the beginning buzz from the Xanax was kicking in, when I heard the sound
of Emmett and Isabella’s laughter. I was immediately fucking thrilled that she was laughing
and turned my head in their direction, wanting to see the smile that would most definitely
be playing on her lips, and froze when I saw the tanned skin and dark hair pulled back into
a ponytail obstructing my view. I felt the rage start stirring and tensed up, trying to keep
my fucking temper at bay. I didn’t need to be fighting, because I knew damn well if I
attacked Jacob Black tonight my father would fucking crucify me. But I was pissed off and
my hands started shaking, a voice in my mind screaming to pummel that prick into the
ground, because he was standing in front of my girlfriend, and he was making her laugh.
And here I goddamn was, walking around and getting fucked up and talking to assholes I
barely gave a shit about, because I was being a goddamn scared pussy when I should be
with her. I shouldn’t have fucking walked away from her to begin with, but I wanted to get
myself in check so I could enjoy the night with her without caving to the panic like a little
bitch. And there she was, my brothers making her feel welcome and goddamn Jacob Black
of all people making her fucking laugh. And that was unacceptable, but I had no one to
blame for it but myself.
Yeah, I was all over the goddamn place emotionally and mentally. No one ever said I was
fucking stable.
Emmett glanced over and spotted me, his laughter dying out. He said something I couldn’t
hear and Isabella glanced over at me immediately, her eyes meeting mine. I saw a quick
flash of fear, as she was obviously worried about my reaction. The last time she’d spoken to
that asshole I’d lost it, but I was trying to fucking control myself this time. I didn’t want to
scare her, and I sure as fuck didn’t want my dad to try to send me away or some shit.
Because I wouldn’t go, not without her.
Jacob walked away from them after a moment, and Emmett and Isabella started talking.
Ben came by and handed me the envelope full of cash for my father and I nodded, slipping
it into my pocket quickly. He said he’d be back around with the weed he wanted me to try
and I thanked him before they walked away. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair,
glancing over at Isabella once more. Emmett still had his arm around her and had her
facing the circle of my friends again, and I stood there for a moment watching. She looked
pretty fucking relaxed, almost goddamn happy, and it was amazing to see her fitting in so
well. She looked like she belonged here, and I always felt like she did but I was glad it
seemed like she felt that way now. Because this was where she belonged, and I was wasting
fucking time trying to pretend for appearance sake that it wasn’t.
My eyes widened with surprise as she brought a red plastic cup up to her lips and tipped it
back. I watched her face slightly contort as the liquid hit her taste buds and realized she
was drinking fucking beer. One of them had given her goddamn alcohol, and I was jealous
and pissed off at myself for not being there and doing it myself. I was fucking disappointed
because I was missing out, and I never wanted to miss out on another moment with her
again. We’d deal with the consequences later, but I wasn’t ever walking away from her if I
could help it.
I watched the flexing of her throat muscles as she swallowed the vile liquid and felt my dick
hardening at the sight. She was fucking sexy. These other bitches, with their high heels and
miniskirts and pounds of makeup, weren’t sexy. They were trashy. La mia bella ragazza,
with her chewed up fingernail and freckled cheeks and, if I were being honest, tore up
fucking feet, was goddamn sexy. Because that sexiness shit wasn’t manufactured or
created, that shit just was.
I walked over toward her and a shiver ripped down her spine as she pulled the empty cup
from her lips. I chuckled at her reaction and whispered to her that I found her sexy, which
made her blush. And that goddamn blush only made her even sexier. I pulled the weed out
I’d brought along and we started smoking it, taking turns with the bowl. I shot gunned
Isabella at first, which made that jealous vain bitch that lived inside Rosalie rear her ugly
head, but after Ben brought me the blunt I insist she try to hit it on her own. I couldn’t
deny, I wanted to fucking see the shit at least once and I wasn’t above using goddamn peer
pressure to get it to happen.
I wrapped my arms around her and she tensed up, seemingly surprised. She said
something about people seeing and I shrugged, because I really didn’t give a fuck anymore.
Emmett blabbed about my dad likely knowing, which fucking panicked her for a second,
but I assured her we’d deal with it. Because we would. We’d face whatever came our way.
Twenty fucking minutes earlier I would’ve told you we were doomed, but the xanax
coursing through my veins gave me courage.
I nuzzled into her neck, because I was pretty fucked up already and the warm flesh with the
hint of strawberry scent was driving me crazy. She hit the blunt and choked, which didn’t
surprise me at all as I still coughed sometimes. I held onto her tightly so she didn’t collapse
to the goddamn ground or something, and she caught her breath after a moment. I started
kissing on her neck, unable to resist anymore, and she started trembling. I was worried I
was freaking her out, that it was too much for her, so I suggested we take a walk. I figured
I’d get her away from all the people, the crowd of strangers, and she’d open up to me.
We were heading out toward the Volvo and ran into Lauren along the way. She said some
shit about Isabella and I damn near lost it, but before I could say a goddamn word Isabella
snapped. It fucking stunned me, as I’d never seen her lose it like that, and I just fucking
gaped at her as Italian curses came flying from her mouth. It sounded so natural rolling off
of her tongue, the sassiness a goddamn turn on. Lauren asked what the fuck Isabella called
her and I mumbled the words, stunned that my girl would use them. Lauren said
something in response, something about girls stealing me from her, which wasn’t going to
fucking happen but whatever. Isabella snapped back but shit just wasn’t really registering,
because all I could think about was that she’d stood there and called that bitch a ‘whore’.
She was fucking standing up for herself for the first time, she wasn’t going to stand there
and let some girl try to intimidate her. She said how secure she was with me, how nothing
that bitch could say would make her not trust me, and my fucking heart start pounding at
that fact. She trusted me, when she never fucking trusted anyone else, and I didn’t deserve
the shit because I’d been a huge asshole in life but regardless—she did. And I wouldn’t
squander that shit or take it for granted. I’d do whatever I could to make myself worthy of
that trust, to make myself worthy of her. She walked away after a second and I went after
her, the entire thing seeming so surreal. I couldn’t deny her feistiness made me fucking
want her, as my cock was throbbing in my pants, and I knew the fact that I was pretty
stoned was fuelling that desire.
So when we made it to the car I started kissing on her and pressing myself against her,
sitting her on the hood of the car to make it easier. We were making out and I was getting
really fucking turned on, and frankly didn’t give a shit who saw but I knew PDA had
freaked her out a bit before and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. So I asked if she
wanted to get in the car and she agreed. And once in the car, I couldn’t keep my goddamn
hands off of her. I slipped my hand inside her pants and felt the wetness fucking soaking
her, pouring out of her as she was just as turned on as me. She tensed up when she felt my
fingers graze against her clit, telling me to wait. I thought I’d pushed my fucking luck and
went to pull away, not wanting to be a dick, but she stopped me. I assured her no one could
see us, that we had privacy in the car, and she relaxed again. I was shocked that her worries
would be alleviated so quickly and it made me realize exactly how much what she said had
been true—she was putting trust in me for real. And that was a bit frightening, because I
didn’t want to accidentally hurt her when I knew I was highly capable of fucking doing so.
I was rubbing on her and she was squirming and moaning, getting even fucking wetter. She
reached out after a moment and started rubbing the crotch of my pants and I told her she
didn’t have to, not wanting her to feel obligated. She nodded but pretty much blew me off,
continuing to fight with my belt and pants buckle. She got the shit undone after a second
and shifted positions to reach inside my pants, and I chuckled because she’d inadvertently
opened herself up more to give me better access. I pushed two fingers inside of her, going
for her spot, and she gasped and started bucking her hips. I started finger fucking her good,
wanting to get her off, wanting to feel that pussy clamp down on me as her body convulsed.
Because that shit was hot, and she was so goddamn tight I couldn’t even begin to imagine
how it would feel if it were my dick inside of her.
She seemed to be struggling getting a hold of me, unable to get a grasp on my dick. I lifted
up slightly to give her better access, and she pulled my hard-on out of my boxers. She
started jacking me, and I loved the feel of her small hand wrapped around my dick, her
palm slightly wet with perspiration. I started pushing my fingers into her harder and
deeper, and within a matter of seconds her body tensed up and she screamed, orgasm
shaking her. I rode her through it, the sight of her making my dick swell even larger under
her grip. She finally came down from her sexual high and I pulled my hand out, kissing on
her and telling her how goddamn beautiful she was when she came. Because she was—the
way her face twisted and her body tensed before quivering, the goddamn noises she made.
All of it was beautiful.
She started stroking me again and I lay back on the seat, closing my eyes and just enjoying
that shit. It was almost agonizing how goddamn torturously slow she was moving and how
intense the pleasure was, but I tried with everything I had to fight back the urge to
goddamn thrust my hips hard and practically fuck her hand. She was doing this for me, and
she didn’t have to, and I was going to show her how goddamn grateful I was for it by letting
her do it her way.
And then it fucking happened, and it came out of nowhere. It was so fucking sudden and
unexpected that I damn near blew my load immediately. I felt the warm wetness wrap
around the head of my dick, the flat of her tongue pressing against the side of it, and the
startling pleasure coursed through my body as it dawned on me what was happening. She
was fucking attempting to give me head.
My eyes snapped open and I reached down immediately to still her, because if she moved
another goddamn centimeter she was going to be drinking my cum right then and there.
And I didn’t even fucking know if she knew what she was doing or how she’d even know to
do this shit, but had a sneaking suspicion Rosalie fucking Hale had something to do with it.
And it felt so goddamn good and I didn’t want her to stop, but I didn’t want to lose it so
goddamn quick like some virginal inexperienced jamook. I wanted to savor this shit,
because I had no idea what the fuck inspired it and had no idea if it would ever happen
again.
I felt the impending orgasm receding again and relaxed, telling her she could move again.
She pushed her head down further and I closed my eyes, relishing in the sensations. I felt
the tip hit the back of her throat, her gag relax kicking in and tensed up, waiting on her to
fucking panic or try to push herself too far. But she did neither; she stopped right there and
started pulling back off.
I realized then that someone had definitely fucking coached her, and I wondered how that
shit came about. I wondered if they’d taken it upon themselves to school her on this shit or
if she’d wanted to know, but I couldn’t dwell on that now. I wanted to focus on what the
fuck she was doing for me, because it felt goddamn amazing. She started jacking me, and
moving her head up and down, sucking me off. She was pretty fucking good at the shit,
especially with it being her first time. I’ve had a lot of goddamn blowjobs in my life, some of
them fucking magnificent. I’d been with girls who could deep throat my dick, girls who
were almost experts in fucking fellatio. But none of them bitches had anything on my Bella.
She wasn’t perfect, you could goddamn tell it was her first time and she was just trying to
learn and experiment with it, but she had some natural talent. She just seemed to know
how to please me, like we were fucking made for each other this way.
I was groaning and grunting and making all sorts of fucking noises, unable to stop myself.
She was doing this shit for me, because she loved me and wanted to make me feel good,
and just that fact sent my body spiraling in pleasure. I stroked her hair and back gently and
told her it felt good, wanting her to know I was appreciating it. I knew she had to be fucking
nervous about it and wanted to alleviate that, let her know she was doing it right. She
tightened her grip on me, sucking harder after I told her it felt good, and caused my
pleasure to goddamn skyrocket. I felt her teeth graze across my head and I didn’t know if
she did that shit on purpose or if it was simply an accident, but I was goddamn grateful for
whatever caused it. Because the feel of it caused my orgasm to bubble up and my body
started tensing. The intensity was stunning, as it had my fucking limbs tingling and my
body trembling. My breathing was erratic, my heart pounding as the pleasure started
rolling through my body. I gripped the car seat, trying to brace myself, and stammered out
a goddamn warning, hoping like hell they’d explained to her to pull her fucking head off of
me or else she’d be tasting the shit. I felt it rip through me, and practically fucking
screamed like a little bitch as I exploded into her mouth. She kept her lips wrapped around
me and continued to suck as I rode out my orgasm. I watched her in fucking shock as she
kept her lips on me, making a goddamn face because it had to be nasty but she didn’t
waver. I saw those throat muscles constrict once again as she swallowed that shit down like
a champ.
When it was over with, I just fucking gaped at her, stunned. The entire thing felt almost
dreamlike, like there was no goddamn way that shit really happened. In fact, the entire
night felt almost surreal. I gave her some water to wash the taste away, almost feeling bad
that my dick had been in that sweet mouth of hers. She was so innocent and pure and here
I was, at a goddamn party, sneaking off and getting head from her. She was better than that
shit; she shouldn’t be blowing some jackass like me in the backseat of a goddamn car.
And Christ, just the fact that we’d just done that shit in my car was startling enough. I
swore I’d never defile the leather seats by fucking around on them, and I’d just done it
without giving it a second thought. But it didn’t feel like defiling with her, it felt like we
were fucking christening it. Like the shit was finally right now.
Fireworks started popping off outside after a moment and Isabella jumped, covering her
ears. She looked at me with panic and it never even occurred to me until that moment that
she’d be seeing that shit for the first time tonight. I smirked, immediately excited to be
sharing another one of her firsts with her, and pulled her out of the car after we got
ourselves put back together. I leaned against the side of the Volvo and pulled her back to
me, wrapping my arms around her tightly and just holding her. The fireworks popped off
again and her eyes widened with shock as she stared at the explosion of color and shimmer
with wonder. It was moments like this that I loved the most with her, the simple moments
that most people fucking took for granted. They were moments that I, myself, always took
for granted up until she came into my life, but it was shit I noticed now.
We watched the fireworks for a while quietly, just enjoying being together. The crowd
started counting down and I smirked, pretty fucking stunned that it was already midnight.
I turned her to face me and the fireworks started firing off again in the distance when I
leaned down to kiss her. I gave her everything I had, showed her every ounce of fucking
passion I could muster in the kiss. It was the first time I’d ever done the whole ‘kissing at
midnight’ bit, and I had to admit I always thought that shit was for pussies, but kissing her
was the goddamn only thing I wanted to do at that moment. Because they say that
whatever you’re doing at midnight gives some indication on how the rest of your year is
going to go, and that gave me a strange sense of hope. Because it was just the two of us,
away from anyone who would try to fuck with what we had, making out and basking in the
glow of post-orgasm relaxation. I couldn’t call the shit the post-coital glow, because there
wasn’t any fucking coitaling going on with us, but we still had that feeling. That feeling of
satisfaction, of gratification.
I pulled back from her mouth and ran my fingers gently across her lips. They were red and
swollen, wet from a mixture of our saliva.
“Do you have any idea exactly how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how
much I love you?” I asked, really wondering if she truly understood how much she’s
changed my life. She was fucking everything to me and I didn’t tell her enough. “I was
broken until you came into my life and I’m finding myself again. I never thought it would
happen, never thought I’d find someone like you. My mom used to talk about fate all the
time, and I think now that you’re my fate. You were brought to me for a reason, for us to
save each other. Because you weren’t the only one needing saved, Bella. I was drowning,
and you rescued me. You’re my life now.”
I meant every fucking word of it. It wasn’t long ago I had myself convinced that falling in
love would be like drowning, that in allowing myself to ever love someone I’d only lose grip
on who I was in the process. But I’d been wrong, because the truth was I was already
drowning. I was barely staying afloat, and it wasn’t until I found love that I finally started
discovering myself again. I owed her for that, and I’d do anything and face anything for her
because of it. Because without her, I had nothing and was nothing.
“Happy New Year, baby,” I whispered. She stared at me and looked stunned for a moment
before a gorgeous little smirk overcame her mouth, a light airy laugh filtering out from
between her lips. I looked at her questioningly, wondering what was funny about what I’d
said.
“Do you realize you said all of that without saying ‘fuck’?” she asked. She said it softly, her
voice breathy and charming. The moment the word rolled from her lips my dick started
stirring again, the sound of something so vulgar coming from someone so goddamn sugary
sweet a major fucking turn on. I stared at her, stunned, and she started fucking blushing
and smiling all guiltily, like she fucking knew what she was doing to me. She could
definitely be a fucking little minx with that feisty side of her.
I was still trying to absorb that shit and wrapped my arms around her, holding her. I
chuckled when I realized she was right, I spilled my fucking heart out to her and managed
to do it without a single foul word. She definitely had me changing.
“Yeah, I guess I did. Well then… fuck,” I said playfully. She laughed and leaned back into
me further, and I squeezed her tighter.
“Edward?” she said softly after a bit as the fireworks started to die down. I was nuzzling
into her neck, smelling her luscious scent, feeling her warmth.
“Hmmm?” I asked, placing a wet kiss on her exposed skin. She sighed contently, bringing
her hands up behind her to run her fingers through my hair.
“I love you too,” she said quietly. “I never hoped for a future until I met you, but I really
want us to have one. Your mom used to take about fate and my mom used to always tell me
to never give up hope, that I was destined for more. I too think she was talking about you. I
think… we were just waiting to find each other for both of us to start living.”
I smiled into her skin, placing another kiss on her neck. “You don’t know how much I love
hearing you say that shit, Bella,” I murmured. I brushed her hair aside and ran my tongue
up her neck, circling her earlobe. “Can I keep you?” I whispered softly, laughing and pulling
away from her because of how goddamn cheesy that was. “Jesus Christ what’s wrong with
me, I’m quoting fucking Casper.”
Her brow furrowed as she glanced back at me. “Casper?” she asked questioningly. I
chuckled and nodded, removing my arm from around her to run my hand through my hair.
I felt so off my fucking game with her it was ridiculous. Christ, I was really turning soft.
“Yeah, Casper. You know, the fucking friendly ghost and all that?” I said, cocking an
eyebrow at her, hoping she knew what the hell I was talking about. But she just continued
to stare at me with confusion. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair again, slightly
goddamn irritated but trying to hold it back. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t know little shit
like that. “It doesn’t matter, it’s just some ridiculous fucking movie. It’s stupid, you’d
probably like it.”
Her eyes narrowed at me, a look of anger flashing across her face. I froze, confused as to
what caused it. “What are you trying to say?” she asked, a bit of a hard edge to her voice.
My brow furrowed in confusion and it dawned on me after a second what the fuck I’d said.
“Christ, baby, I didn’t mean the shit like that. I wasn’t trying to insinuate you’d like it
because it was stupid or because you’re stupid,” I said quickly. Her eyes narrowed even
more and I groaned loudly. “Fuck, not that you’re stupid, because you aren’t. That didn’t
come out right. You know I don’t think that shit anyway. I’m always amazed at how quick
you pick up on things and how intuitive you are. You’d have to be fucking stupid not to see
you’re smart.” I paused, my own words almost confusing me. It was crazy how easily she
could rattle me and get me fucking stammering like a goddamn idiot. The anger seemed to
dissipate from her expression finally but her brow furrowed slightly with confusion. “I
should probably just shut the fuck up now, huh?”
She stared at me for a moment longer before the corner of her lips turned up slightly. She
turned back around and leaned back against me, so I wrapped my arms around her once
more. “Thank you,” she said quietly after a moment.
“For what?” I asked, nuzzling back into her neck. She sighed, leaning her head away to give
me better access.
“For always thinking about my feelings,” she said. I rolled my eyes at the fact that she was
thanking me for that shit, because of course I’d always take her feelings into consideration.
I loved her, I’d never want to do anything to hurt her or upset her. “I know that’s not
something you’re used to doing.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right. I used to be fucking selfish. I mean, I’m still pretty selfish,
but I’m not as bad anymore at least. Honestly, I used to be an obnoxious asshole, you have
no idea.”
She laughed lightly. “I think I have some idea,” she said. I chuckled, kissing her neck.
“I don’t think so Bella Ragazza, if you seriously knew the shit I’ve pulled before you’d
probably not want to come anywhere near me, much less let me hug and kiss and feel on
you,” I said, bringing my hand up her stomach, running it across her breasts lightly. She
moaned lightly, leaning back into me more and closing her eyes.
“You shouldn’t doubt me,” she said quietly. “I love you.” I sighed, shaking my head slightly.
“I love you too, and it’s not that I doubt you. It’s just, Christ, I’ve done some fucked up
things,” I said.
“Like the angry dragon?” she asked. I froze, my hand stilling on her side, my lips pressed
against her skin right beside her ear.
“What did you just say?” I asked, fighting to keep my composure. I was stunned, part of me
hoping like hell I’d just imagine that shit and those words really didn’t come from her lips. I
felt some panic rising up, the buzzing in my system from my high dying out. Yeah, I was
sobering up real fucking quick. She sighed.
“The angry dragon. You did it to some girl at a party,” she said hesitantly.
I pulled my lips from her skin. “Who told you that shit?” I asked, my temper flaring, anger
rising up. What fucking right did people have filling her head with that shit? She just stood
frozen and stared down at the ground. I sighed, shaking my head. “Never mind, I know the
goddamn answer. Fucking Rosalie…”
Isabella sighed but didn’t argue, which pretty much just confirmed the shit for me. I went
to pull away from her, feeling like I shouldn’t be fucking touching her, but she grabbed a
hold of my arms tightly to keep them around her. “You can’t blame Rosalie or Alice for it, I
asked them to tell me,” she said. I blinked a few times, slightly stunned that fucking Alice
was in on it, but more so that she wanted to hear the bullshit. I laughed dryly after a
moment, shaking my head.
“I don’t care, they shouldn’t have fucking told you that,” I spat, pissed off. I didn’t know
what their goddamn problem was, telling Isabella that shit. Did they not want her to be
with me? Alice always acted happy about the fact that we were in love, so why the fuck
would she tell her shit that could potentially fucking ruin what we had?
“Why?” she asked, sounding seriously confused. “Why shouldn’t they have told me?” I
groaned.
“Because it’s fucked up. I mean, I can’t deny I did that shit, I told you I was an asshole. But
it’s different with you and I need you to know that,” I said quickly. I couldn’t imagine how
she had to fucking feel, knowing I’d been so goddamn brutal. She sighed and started
rubbing my forearm lightly, leaning her head over to rest on me.
“I know, Edward. Do you really think I would’ve just done what I did if I didn’t trust you to
be careful with me? I mean, I can’t lie. All of those stories they told me…” she started. My
brow furrowed and I froze again.
“There were more of them? Fuck, what else did those bitches tell you?” I snapped. She
sighed loudly, sounding irritated by my outburst but I couldn’t help it.
“Does it matter?” she asked, lifting her head up to glance back at me. I cocked an eyebrow
at her, wanting to fucking know because it did matter to me. It mattered to me what she
knew, what sick shit was floating around in her head to taint her opinion of me. “I don’t
even really remember all of it. I remembered the dragon and you making Lauren taste that
girl and…”
“Woah, woah, hold the fuck up,” I said quickly, freezing and panicking. “I never made
Lauren eat Tanya out or them put on that damn show, I had nothing to do with that shit.
They set that up on their own.” I couldn’t be held accountable for that shit, even if I did
willingly sit in on it and take pictures of it… pictures that were going to be fucking
beneficial if those bitches didn’t leave Isabella the fuck alone. I’d already warned both of
them about it and they were still acting out. I was going to snap soon if they kept the
bullshit up.
Her brow furrowed and she stared at me for a moment. “Those two girls… they had sex
with each other?” she asked with confusion, sounding stunned.
“Uh, I guess you could put it that way. Isn’t that what you’re fucking talk about? When
Lauren and Tanya were together?” I asked, baffled by her reaction. She shook her head no
hesitantly.
“No, they didn’t tell me anything about that. I meant when you touched some girl at a party
and then stuck your fingers in Laurens mouth without her knowing. I mean, I just said
something to Lauren about it, I thought you’d have figured that out,” she said. I stared at
her, surprised and confused.
“You just said that to Lauren?” I asked. She nodded and I blinked a few times, stunned that
I hadn’t picked up on that shit. I guess that’s what I got for not paying better attention.
Jesus, maybe my father was right. I was unobservant. “Well fuck. What else did Rosalie and
Alice tell you?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, something about riding a bronco or something, and then
there was a story about a girl tasting you and then you leaving her at a restaurant.”
I sighed, shaking my head. They fucking highlighted pretty much all of my worst moments
for her. I didn’t know what to say or how to fucking respond to it all. I mean, I could try to
make excuses for what I did but the fact of the matter was there were no good excuses. I
was a dickhead and even if those girls didn’t mean anything to me they didn’t exactly
deserve for me to treat them like whores. I couldn’t take any of it back, nothing I could say
would ever fix it or change the past.
“I’m surprised you’d let me touch you after hearing all of that,” I said quietly after a
moment of tense fucking silence. She sighed and tried to pull my arms from around her
and I felt the panic rising up, wondering if she’d just came to her goddamn senses. I sighed
and dropped my arms, looking away because I felt almost fucking sick. I loved her, more
than anything in the world, and all that bullshit I did in the past was catching up to me
finally, coming back to bite me in the ass. I expected her to leave, to walk away from me. I
expected her to be disgusted by my behavior, to regret ever giving a chance to a dickhead
like me. She was innocent, completely fucking inexperience at this shit and scared of being
hurt, and the fact that she was putting trust in an asshole that would shove his dick down a
girl’s throat intentionally for kicks had to appall her. She had to be fucking repulsed by me,
hell I was fucking disgusted with myself.
She turned around to face me and brought her hands up, cupping my cheeks with her
palms. She tried to turn my head toward her and I resisted at first, not wanting to see if she
looked disappointed or dismayed, but finally caved when she huffed and started pulling
harder. I glanced at her, frowning.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked. I nodded hesitantly. “Would you ever do that angry
dragon thing to me?”
“Fuck no,” I said at once, pretty forcefully because I was pissed off at even the thought of
that happening to her. She smiled lightly.
“What if I asked you to?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.
I looked at her with confusion. “Do you even fucking know what that is, Isabella? It isn’t
pretty nor is it fun. It’s sick. You ever take a drink of something and choke and it come
flying out your nose?” I asked. She nodded, still staring at me. “Yeah, the shit burns.
Imagine it being something thick and slimy. Do you realize how un-goddamn-comfortable
that has to be? It can’t feel good, that’s for damn sure, and it’s demeaning.”
She smiled lightly. “So even if I wanted you to do it, you’d refuse?”
“Of course I’d fucking refuse. Why are you even asking me this shit? You should know I’d
never hurt you like that,” I snapped, upset that she was even going there. She sighed,
shrugging, and wrapped her small arms around my torso. She hugged me tightly and laid
her head against me and I just stood there, a bit confused about the entire exchange. After
a moment I wrapped my arms around her and started rubbing her back lightly, unsure of
why she was reacting this way. She wasn’t making any fucking sense to me.
“Thank you,” she said softly. My brow furrowed and I stilled my hands, caught off guard by
her expressing appreciation. She had no goddamn reason to be thanking me, she should be
cursing at me, and telling me how damn despicable I was.
“For what?” I asked. She sighed, sounding content, and squeezed me tighter.
“For being so protective. It’s nice to know you’d put my well being first, that you’d tell me
no and risk disappointing me if it meant keeping me safe. I’ve never had someone really
look out after me before,” she said softly. I was slightly stunned that she managed to get
that from a conversation about my misdeeds that could’ve been fucking catastrophic, but
what she said was true. She was naïve, too fucking sheltered and someone needed to help
guide her through things.
“I’ll always do what’s best for you,” I said after a moment, starting to rub her back gently
again. She hummed lightly in response and I leaned down to kiss the top of her head.
“Can I ask you something else?” she asked. I groaned lightly.
“Does it have to do with angry dragons or bucking broncos or any of those other fucking
mistakes I’ve made?” I asked. She nodded against my chest and I sighed. “Fine, whatever.
Ask what you want.”
“Did those other girls deserve that stuff?” she asked. “I mean, you said I didn’t deserve to
be hurt like that, does that mean you think they did?”
I stood there for a moment, unsure of how to answer that. “Uh, no. I shouldn’t have done
that shit at all but I can’t take it back now, ya know? I was an asshole, Bella, I just didn’t
give a shit at the time. And I know that’s a horrible fucking excuse but I only ever thought
about my own satisfaction until you came along. And it’s disgusting, because you know how
I feel about sexual assault, but I’ve fucking demeaned women myself. Even if they were
willing participants in the shit and they knew how I was, it doesn’t make it right. I’m a
despicable person, a poor excuse for a man.” She hummed in response again and stood
quietly for a moment. The fact that she didn’t have shit to say about that made me nervous.
“You know, if you had any common sense, you’d be running the other fucking way as fast as
possible,” I said after a bit, shaking my head.
She was quiet for another second before sighing dramatically. “Are you calling me stupid
again, Edward?” she asked teasingly.
I rolled my eyes. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?” I asked playfully, grabbing her sides
and tickling her. She started giggling and pushed back from me, grabbing my hands and
trying to pull them off of her. I chuckled and kept it up, not letting her pull away from me,
loving the sound of that carefree laughter. She was laughing hard and her knees buckled
after a moment as she tried to get away. I grabbed a hold of her so she didn’t hit the
ground, wrapping my arms around her and rocking her in a hug. She hugged me back, her
laughter dying down after a moment.
“So tell me, my Bella, did the snitches school you in the art of fellatio while they were
blabbing about all the bullshit I did back in the day?” I asked. She pulled her head back to
look at me, her brow furrowed in confusion. I smiled lightly. “You know, that shit you did
in the car, baby?”
Her eyes widened slightly and the blush crept into her cheeks quickly. I chuckled at her
reaction and she smiled sheepishly, chewing on her bottom lip. “Yeah… uh… I mean, we
talked about it. They gave me some, uh, pointers I guess. I was nervous, I didn’t know how
to, or what to… you know.”
I smirked and nodded, pulling her back to me. “You could’ve talked to me about it, but I
understand. Everyone needs friends to go, and I suppose Alice and Rose aren’t that bad of
friends to have, even if they do have big goddamn mouths.”
She laughed lightly, nodding. “Yeah, Rosalie and Alice are nice.” I laughed dryly.
“Rosalie and nice are two words that never belong in a sentence together, tesoro. That bitch
is far from nice,” I said, shaking my head. She poked me in the ribs hard and I jumped,
chuckling and grabbing my side because that shit hurt. “Damn baby, you can be fucking
feisty when you wanna be.”
She glanced up at me and smiled sweetly before laying her head back against me. “You
bring it out of me,” she mumbled. I smirked and kissed the top of her head, glad to hear it. I
loved the new side of her coming out and was glad she was so comfortable with me that she
didn’t try to pretend or be someone she really wasn’t. I fucking loved her unreserved side,
her openness.
“Why doesn’t this shit bother you?” I asked after a bit of silence. “You take shit so coolly,
it’s almost unnatural. All the shit Rose and Alice told you that I’ve done to girls, that shit
Lauren said to you. Hell, even the way I act sometimes, my temper. It’s like it just rolls
right off your back, doesn’t even fucking faze you. I’m just waiting for it all to sink in and
you running the fuck away or something, disappearing, never to be seen again. That would
fucking kill me, by the way. You just disappearing.”
She pulled back to look at me again, smiling lightly. “Some of it does bother me a bit, I can’t
lie. I was pretty horrified about some of the things I heard that you did. But that’s not you
anymore, that’s not the man I love. And yeah, you sometimes get an attitude, but I
understand you so it’s not unbearable. It’s kind of hard to explain but I’ve never felt so sure
about something before.”
I smiled and leaned down, pressing my lips to her softly. “I’m glad you understand me,” I
murmured against her mouth. She kissed me in return and pulled back after a moment.
“Plus, you know I can’t run away. Disappearing is impossible,” she said, rolling her eyes at
me.
“Why do you say that? Shit it would be easy as fuck for you to disappear. Hell, Bella, no one
even really knows you exist. You could slip away undetected in the middle of the night. It’s
a big goddamn country, plenty of places to hide. I mean, I’m not suggesting anything, don’t
you fucking go getting any ideas,” I said firmly, not wanting her to try to run away and shit.
I’d track her, and I’d probably fucking suck at it but I’d never give up. She just stared at me,
looking stunned.
“I mean, I’ve thought about it,” I added after a second. “After I turn 18 and get access to my
trust fund. I could wipe it out and we could just fucking disappear together, away from all
of this bullshit. We’d never have to work, we could go anywhere in the world you wanted to
go.” She continued to just stare at me and I chuckled, shaking my head. “Probably couldn’t
take the Volvo though, since it’s got a GPS chip in it somewhere,” I added lightly,
shrugging.
She nodded and glanced away from me briefly, bringing her bottom lip into her mouth. She
started practically gnawing on it. I watched her curiously for a second and she looked back
at me, opening her mouth to speak.
“I, uh…” she started, her brow furrowed, but before she could finish, Emmett’s laughter
rang out nearby. We glanced over and saw my brothers and their girlfriends walking
toward us, laughing and joking. I turned Isabella around so her back was facing me and
pulled her into my embrace, sighing.
“What up assholes?” I said as they approached. They all nodded and said hey, except for
Rose who rolled her eyes.
“What are you guys doing?” Alice asked, smiling brightly.
“I’m trying to talk Isabella into letting me angry dragon her but so far it’s a no go,” I said,
cocking an eyebrow at her. Jasper spewed whatever liquid he had in his mouth out, nearly
wetting Emmett with it, and started coughing. Emmett laughed and Rose and Alice just
stood there, eyes widened slightly. Isabella brought her hands up to cover her face,
blushing a beautiful shade of red. I chuckled and pulled her hands away, placing a light kiss
on her flushed cheek.
“What, don’t like your girlfriend knowing how much of an prick you really are?” Rose
asked. I narrowed my eyes and stuck my middle finger up at her.
“Anyway,” Alice said, smiling sheepishly at me. “We’re heading home. You guys good to
drive or do you need a ride or something?”
I shook my head. “I’m cool to drive. Everything’s pretty much worn off by now,” I said.
They nodded and we exchanged goodbyes as they set off toward their vehicles. We stood
there for a moment, watching the cars pull away, and I glanced at my watch. “It’s almost
1am. You wanna head home?”
She nodded. “Yeah,” she said softly. I unwrapped my arms from around her and she took a
step to the side, away from me. I unlocked the car again and opened the passenger door,
nodding my head toward it. She smiled sweetly at me and slipped inside, buckling up. I
shut the door and walked around, climbing into the drivers seat. I started the car up and
turned some soft mellow music on, putting it in gear and swinging the car around. I drove
down the small road and glanced over at Isabella. She was looking out the side window,
staring at the trees. She appeared to be deep in thought, chewing on her lip and fidgeting. I
turned my attention back to the road and pulled onto the main road heading into the town
of Forks.
“I really thought you knew,” she said softly after a moment. I glanced over at her and saw
she was staring at me with confusion, her brow furrowed.
“Knew what, baby?” I asked curiously, raising my brow questioningly. She sighed.
“That I was chipped too,” she said quietly, barely above a whisper. I looked at her with
confusion and reached over, turning the music down.
“What do you mean you’re chipped?” I asked. She shrugged.
“I mean, like your car. A GPS chip. They put one in me in Phoenix so I couldn’t run away,”
she said. I slammed the brakes as soon as the words registered in my ears, the car jolting to
a stop abruptly with a loud squeal. She braced her hands against the dash, her eyes
widening with shock.
“Somebody put a goddamn tracking chip inside of you?” I snapped, stunned and confused.
She stared at me for a second before nodding hesitantly. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding
me, your own goddamn father micro chipping you like a fucking animal or something?”
Her brow furrowed and she shook her head no hesitantly. I groaned, not understanding.
“You’re not making sense to me, are you fucking micro chipped or not?” I snapped, not
meaning to lose my temper but panicked a bit at the prospect.
“I am,” she said with some apprehension. I sighed loudly, slamming the car into park.
“Then why’d you shake your head no?” I asked, fighting to control my temper. I ran my
hand through my hair, completely fucking baffled and caught off guard.
“Because my father didn’t do it, yours did,” she said quietly. I froze instantly and blinked a
few times, stunned, before looking over at her. She was staring out the window at the trees
alongside the road.
“My father put a tracking chip in you?” I asked. She sighed, nodding. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I mean, I was there…” she said, her tone a bit snippy. My eyes narrowed
and my temper started flaring even more but I fought it back, because none of it was her
fault. But it was completely fucked up, and changed every goddamn thing. It made all of my
plans just that much harder to obtain if it were true, my hopes of fucking freeing her by any
means necessary thinning.
What kind of fucking person puts a monitoring device inside of another person? But I
guess I shouldn’t have been too fucking surprised, considering I was talking about someone
who purchased 16 year old girl for cash. I was losing all fucking respect for my father; he
just wasn’t making any goddamn sense to me.
We both sat there quietly for a moment. I was trying to absorb it all, come to grips with the
fucking new complication. “I’m sorry,” I said after a bit, putting the car into gear and
pulling away. I drove slowly into town and sighed, reaching over and placing my hand on
her thigh. She jumped slightly but glanced over at me, giving me a small smile. “I shouldn’t
have snapped at you, none of it’s your fault. I can’t believe my fucking father,” I said,
shaking my head. “But I don’t want you to worry, okay? So we can’t fucking run away
evidently. We’ll still find a way to figure this out.”
She nodded, smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She looked a bit worried and scared. I
reached my hand up and brushed my fingertips across her lips, smiling.
I drove the rest of the way home in silence, pulling up in front of the house. I got out of the
car and helped her out, locking it up before we headed inside. The house was quiet and I
went into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. I opened it and took a drink, holding it
out to Isabella. She thanked me softly and I nodded, running my hand through my hair.
I headed for the steps and she followed me up them. I could see lights filtering out from
under the door to my brothers’ bedrooms and heard whispers inside. I headed for the 3rd
floor quietly, not wanting them to hear us, and open their doors, wanting to fucking
socialize or whatever. I wasn’t in the goddamn mood for company anymore, I was too
fucking caught off guard and confused about shit.
We made it to the third floor and I went inside my bedroom, kicking my shoes off
immediately. Isabella went into her room and shut the door quietly behind her. I stared at
her closed door for a moment, hoping like hell she was just getting changed and that she
wasn’t upset and wanting to get away from me. I’d been such an asshole yelling at her,
especially after the fucking amazing night we’d had, but I couldn’t help my temper. I
couldn’t believe my father would do something so inhumane.
I pulled my clothes off and slipped on a pair of sweat pants, not bothering with much else. I
sat down on the edge of the bed and heard Isabella’s bedroom door open and close quietly.
She walked into the room in her pajamas and smiled lightly at me, closing the door behind
her. I smiled in return, because even in a pair of fucking sweat pants and a t-shirt with her
hair pulled back in a ponytail she looked beautiful.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked as she climbed onto my bed. She nodded, lying down. I
got up and walked over, flicking the light off before crawling into bed beside her. I pulled
the comforter over us and stared into her eyes for a moment. “Has my father done anything
else to you like that?” I asked.
She shrugged. “He put a big Q-Tip in my mouth twice, rubbing the inside of my cheek,” she
said. “But that’s about it, I guess.”
My brow furrowed in confusion, as the only fucking reason I could think of that you’d
scrape someone’s cheek with a cotton swab was for DNA. My father was up to something
for sure, whatever this secret he was holding had to be goddamn serious.
“If he does anything else, you let me know right away, okay?” I said. She nodded and I
sighed, reaching over and pulling her to me. She snuggled against me, laying her head on
my chest, and fell into a deep sleep nearly instantly. She rolled off of me after awhile,
curling up into a ball under the covers, and I tossed and turn for a while. My mind was
reeling with all of the new information, the entire day and everything seeming almost
fucking bizarre. I fell into a light restless sleep eventually, waking up periodically before
drifting right back off.
I woke up at one point and glanced at the alarm clock, seeing it was a little after 6am.
Isabella was in a deep sleep, murmuring and making throaty noises. I lay there for a while,
listening to her incoherent mumbling, before sighing and climbing out of bed. I grabbed
my phone and headed downstairs, noticing the entire house was still dark and silent. I
paused when I hit the foyer, hesitating and debating before walking over and sitting down
in front of the piano. I sat my phone down beside me on the bench and flexed my fingers a
bit before placing them on the keys. I started into the beginning notes of the funeral march
before pausing abruptly and switching gears into the melody I’d been working on, the one
that made me think of Isabella. I played it through, faltering at the end a bit because it still
seemed to be lacking something.
I sighed and stopped after awhile, just sitting there in the silent foyer. I reached over and
picked up my phone, scrolling through my list of contacts before pausing on my father’s
name. I knew he’d be awake already, especially considering Chicago was ahead of us time-
wise. I debated very briefly as to whether or not I was fucking up doing this, but hit the call
button. Because there was no goddamn way I could relax until I got confirmation or denial
about it. Part of me still wanted to think it was a misunderstanding, that Isabella was
confused.
I brought the phone up to my ear, listening to the ringing, my heart starting to pound. I
almost considered hanging the fuck up but I knew it was too fucking late for that, he’d
already see me on his caller ID. I heard the click after a second and felt my heart almost
fucking stalling.
“Isn’t it a bit early for you to be up, Edward?” my father said as he answered. I sighed.
“It’s called insomnia,” I said. I heard him sigh through the phone.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. I groaned, feeling like an idiot for even fucking calling him.
“Nothing’s wrong, can’t I just call my fucking father and wish him a happy goddamn new
year?” I asked. He chuckled.
“Of course you can. Happy New Year to you also,” he said. “Did you all have a nice night?”
“Yeah, it was okay, I guess,” I said.
“Good. So no fighting?” he asked, some slight amusement in his voice. I groaned.
“No, I didn’t bust anyone’s nose,” I said. He chuckled again.
“Good. So what are you all going to do today? Going out anywhere?” he asked. I hesitated
briefly before the fucking words just came spilling out, almost without me even registering
what I was saying.
“Maybe. Alice and Rose spent the night; they were having girl time with Isabella yesterday
and will probably want to do something today together. I guess you’ll be able to tell later
anyway if we all go anywhere, you know, with the tracking chip in her and shit.”
He was quiet for a moment and I wondered if I fucked up, if maybe I shouldn’t have
fucking said anything about it. His silence damn sure confirmed it as being true, though,
because if it wasn’t he would’ve asked me what the fuck I was talking about right away.
“So she told you about that?” he asked finally, his voice quiet. I sighed.
“Yeah, she mentioned the shit in passing. She also said something about you swabbing her
goddamn cheek. She isn’t like our fucking cousin or something, is she?” I asked, a little
fucking panicked about him running a DNA test. I figured if we were related he wouldn’t
treat her like a fucking servant and he’d definitely have stepped the fuck in if he really knew
about what we had going on, but that irrational part of me still freaked the fuck out.
He chuckled. “No, there is no blood relation. All of it’s just for safety reasons, just in case
something would happen to her. It’s not a big deal, I’m the only one with the code to the
chip, and I’ve never even looked at it honestly. Never had a reason to. And the DNA…” his
voice faltered and he stalled, stammered a bit. “Just for identification purposes.”
“Okay, whatever. Not like it matters, I was just curious,” I said, lying out my ass but
wanting to come off nonchalant about it. Just me asking was raising red flags as it was, so
there was no need to let my goddamn temper flare and practically spell the shit out for him.
“Tell everyone in Chicago I said hey.”
He sighed. “I will. Have a good day, son.”
“You, too,” I said, hitting the button to end the call. I sat there for a moment in silence
before standing up, heading for the stairs. I wanted to get back to bed before Isabella woke
up, not wanting to look like a dickhead who just bails out on her in the middle of the night.
I wasn’t sure what the big deal was, but I was sure now that the DNA was a big fucking clue
to whatever secret my father held. I wasn’t sure if maybe her parents weren’t who she
thought they were, or if her lineage linked back to someone, but it had to have hit
something unexpected for him to do the shit twice. And I had no idea what it could be, and
how that would affect Isabella and I, but I was absolutely fucking positive of one thing.
I was going to find out.
*****
Bagascia – a slang term for bitch/whore

jamook - idiot, loser, etc.
Chapter 42 Do Unto Others
“One of the most important phases of maturing is that of growth from self-
centering to an understanding relationship to others. A person is not mature
until he has both an ability and a willingness to see himself as one among
others and to do unto those others as he would have them do to him.” -- Sir
Walter Scott
I sat up in the bed, rubbing my eyes. They were burning slightly and crusty from sleep, my
vision unfocused. I looked over at the alarm clock, trying to clear my sight by blinking, and
was stunned when I saw that it was almost 9am already. I glanced around the room, seeing
that Edward’s book bag and the necessities he usually keeps on top of his desk were gone.
He must’ve been extra quiet this morning getting ready for school so not to disturb me,
slipping out while I was still in my slumber. I sighed and pulled the comforter off of me
quickly, grateful he’d been so sweet as to allow me to sleep in but a bit saddened that I
hadn’t been able to see him this morning.
Today was the 6th of January, a Friday, and the boys had been back in school for a few days
now. The past week had flown by quickly, as I spent my time cleaning constantly when
Edward was away to pass the time. I found the music player Edward got me for Christmas
to be quite beneficial, as it seemed having music to listen to made me even more
productive, almost zoned me out and time and tasks flew by. It was strange, as I’d never
really listened to music before, but now after only a week of paying it attention I couldn’t
imagine going without it. I now understood why it was so important to Edward, why he
loved music so much. Before it was just noise and words to me, now I felt the melody and
emotion in it. Who knew something as silly as a song could drive you to tears? Surely not
me, and not until Edward came into my life…
I stood up and stretched, groaning. My back was stiff from sleep, and my neck was a bit
sore. I brought my hand up and rubbed the nape of my neck briefly, trying to get the kinks
out, before grabbing the comforter and starting to make the bed. Edward always told me
there was no point in making the bed every single morning, as we’d just mess it right back
up, but I always ignored his grumbling and did it anyway. I liked having a made bed to
crawl into at night, it was one of those things I’d grown attached to over the past few
months. And I knew he wouldn’t be able to understand why it was so important to me,
considering he’d slept in a warm comfortable bed his entire life and it was nothing special
to him. He wouldn’t care if the sheets were halfway falling off and loose, completely
wrinkled. But when you’ve spent your life sleeping on an old mattress laying on the floor,
having to make pillows out of things you find laying around like clothes, and having a thin
blanket that’s wasting away from age and can’t keep the night air off of you entirely, you
tend to appreciate the concept of a made bed.
I picked a few clothes up off of the floor that Edward had evidently discarded there this
morning and tossed them in the hamper. I had to give him some credit, he usually made an
effort to keep his room decent because I slept in here with him now, but sometimes he still
fell back into old habits out of laziness. I never got upset at him for it though; I simply
continued to pick it up myself and put it where it was supposed to go.
After the room was in order I walked out, slipping across the hallway quickly and into my
room. I stripped my clothes off, tossing them in the hamper, and walked into the
bathroom. I turned on the shower and stood under the spray, washing off and relaxing
under the warm water. It loosened my muscles, dissolving my kinks away. I finally shut it
off after awhile, climbing out and drying off. I wrapped the towel around me and went back
into the bedroom, throwing on a simple pair of jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. I went
back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and pulled my hair back, securing it with a black
hair band.
I put on my Nike’s, because Edward seemed to love it when I wore them since he was the
one who got them for me, and grabbed my music player. I put the ear buds in my ears and
turned it on, slipping it in my pocket. I started humming along to the song that started, still
not really knowing the words to most of the music he’d loaded it with, and headed for the
door. I slipped out into the hallway and took a few steps before freezing abruptly when I
glanced up toward the stairs. I gasped, a scream making it’s way out of my throat, and
grabbed my chest as my heart started pounding furiously. Standing on the top of the stairs,
with his arms crossed over his chest and leaning slightly against the wall, was Dr. Cullen.
He’d been in Chicago all week long and I had no idea when he would be returning, so he
was truly the last person I ever expected to come face-to-face with at that moment. I stared
at him with shock, wondering when he’d gotten home, but more curious as to what he was
doing standing here on the third floor. He was just staring at me, his expression blank, and
it was causing the panic to start bubbling under the surface of my skin. I had no idea how
long he’d been there watching--if maybe he’d seen me come out of Edward’s bedroom this
morning. And there was a part of me deep down inside, the part that would never forget
what he did to me that afternoon when I’d made the mistake of touching his gun, that was
screaming out that something just wasn’t right. That part of me wasn’t comfortable being
alone with Dr. Cullen like this, didn’t like him staring at me the way he was staring at me.
Despite the fact that he hadn’t given me reason to fear him lately, as he’d been almost
overwhelmingly nice, I knew Dr. Cullen was a very dangerous person. He was a threat to
me, my greatest threat because he owned me. I’d never really be safe with him, despite the
niceties or small doses of normalcy and freedom he allowed me to have. He still had me
under his thumb and just the fact that his presence suddenly in my path caused me to
nearly buckle from panic and fright indicated exactly how much power he had over me.
I reached up and pulled the ear buds from my ears, trying to ignore my thumping heart. I
stared at him, keeping eye contact, trying to find some hidden emotion in them to give me
some idea of where I stood at the moment. Because his blank mask wasn’t telling me if he
were simply indifferent or if he were angry, and I hoped for the former but I knew the latter
was just as likely. I had no idea what I could’ve done wrong to anger him since he’d been
gone all week, unless he indeed had seen me coming out of Edward’s bedroom this
morning. And standing there staring at him, all I could think about was what Emmett had
said at the party last week. How he was certain Dr. Cullen knew I was having a relationship
with his son, and the only thing keeping him from calling us out on it was because he must
like me. But at that moment, as I saw a brief flicker of aggravation shine from his eyes, I
wondered if he even really liked me at all.
He wasn’t speaking, was just looking at me and standing in my way, and it was increasing
my fear. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach because my nerves were on edge. “Good
morning, Dr. Cullen,” I said, my voice breaking from the stress I was feeling. I cleared my
throat, mentally scolding myself for sounding so weak and cracking under pressure.
He gazed at me for a few more seconds, the eye contact he was keeping quite intense.
“Good morning, Isabella,” he said finally, his voice even and quiet. He glanced down at his
watch on his wrist, raising his eyebrows and looking back up at me. My brow furrowed and
I wondered if maybe I’d forgotten something, if maybe he was acting this way because I
was late for something without realizing it. He had to know what he was doing to me, he’d
be able to see my apprehension and hear the stress in my voice. Edward had explained to
me that he was trained to sense those things, that it was a part of his job as a mafia advisor
and a doctor. It was strange how many traits in common those two jobs needed, how many
characteristics a person would need to be good at both murdering and healing.
I couldn’t recall him telling me anything about today, couldn’t recall any special tasks I was
supposed to do so I was just puzzled. “Grab your coat and meet me outside at my car in a
few minutes.” My eyes widened slightly, the fear nearly consuming me but I tried to keep
my outward composure. He continued to stare at me, obviously waiting for
acknowledgement on the matter. I didn’t know why, it wasn’t as if I could tell him no or
disagree. If he told me to be somewhere, I’d be there, regardless of if I wanted to or not. I
didn’t have control over actions, he did. I was like a puppet. He pulled the strings and I
instinctively obliged to his commands. If he said I was supposed to be in his car in a few
minutes, I would be in his car at the appropriate time.
“Yes, sir,” I said, nodding. He nodded in return and dropped his arms from his chest,
continuing to look at me. He turned to head back down the stairs after a moment and took
two steps before pausing.
“Grab the ID I gave you also,” he added nonchalantly, before continuing back down the
stairs. I watched as his treating form disappeared from sight and exhaled, shaking my
head. I walked back in my room and turned the music player off, sitting it down and
grabbing my coat from the closet. I slipped it on and walked over, grabbing the ID and my
phone from the table. I had no idea why I would need the ID but I wasn’t going to question
him about it, I’d just bring it and hope it didn’t mean anything bad. I slipped them both in
the pockets and headed out of the room, closing the door behind me. I stuck my hands in
my coat pockets as I descended the stairs, my palms sweaty from nervousness. My heart
was still pounding and I felt queasy, as I had no idea where I was going or what I was
doing, only knew that I was going somewhere with someone who appeared not entirely
pleased about my existence today for some reason. And that in itself was frightening.
I hit the foyer and walked to the front door, pulling my hand out and gripping the knob. I
started to turn it and had a surge of intense panic shoot through me, my mind immediately
going to worse case scenario. I froze, clutching the knob tightly, irrationally wondering if
this was it. Was this the end of my time here? Was he tired of me, through with me? What
would he do to me? Would he sell me? What would the boys think if I just disappeared? Oh
God, Edward! What if I never saw Edward again? What would he do? He said it would kill
him if I just disappeared, would he be okay? Would he move on or would he try to find me?
Could he find me? Oh god, but what if Dr. Cullen killed me? Had I made him that angry?
What would Edward do then? Would he figure it out? I wasn’t ready to die; I wasn’t ready
to never see Edward again.
While in the middle of my near mental breakdown, a hand was placed overtop of mine on
the doorknob. I jumped when I felt it, screaming and pulling my hand back quickly as if I’d
been burned. I recoiled backward, my eyes wide with fright, and saw Dr. Cullen standing
there with his brow furrowed. I stood still for a second as he stared at me, willing my heart
to stop pounding so hard, wishing I’d calm down and quit acting so foolish. There was no
reason for me to believe I was about to be murdered, no reason for me to even assume he
was sending me away. There wasn’t even any reason for me to believe he was angry with
me, or that his irritation was because of me. He hadn’t said anything to me but for me to
get my coat. I was being paranoid and if I didn’t knock it off, I would drive him to be mad at
me with my behavior.
“Are you okay?” Dr. Cullen asked, eyeing me warily. “You’re awfully jumpy today, child.”
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, uh… I’m okay. Sorry, sir. For overreacting.”
“It’s fine, no harm done,” he said with some slight irritation, glancing down at his watch
again. “Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”
I nodded, remembering Esme saying her brother was a bit strict about being on time for
things. Dr. Cullen opened up the front door to the house and nodded his head toward it. I
sighed and walked forward quickly, keeping my eyes fixated on the ground as I passed him
and stepped outside. I hesitated on the porch while he set the alarm and locked up, and he
brushed past me heading toward the car as if I weren’t even standing there. I followed him,
not wanting to anger him anymore than he already seemed angered, not wanting him to
think I was trying to resist in any way. He opened up the passenger door to his car and
nodded his head toward it, silently telling me to get inside. I climbed in and he slammed
the door, causing me to wince and my heart rate to spike again. He walked around and
climbed in the driver’s side, slamming his door and starting the car up at once. I hesitantly
started putting my seatbelt on and he snapped his on swiftly, putting the car in drive and
pulling away from the house.
I stared in the side mirror as he drove down the driveway, watching as the house
disappeared behind the rows of dense trees. I sighed and glanced over at Dr. Cullen, who
was simply staring straight ahead at the road. He was frowning, something definitely
bothering him and I wished I knew what it was. I must’ve kept my gaze fixated on him for
too long, however, because he cut his eyes at me after a moment, looking quite annoyed. I
looked away quickly and he sighed.
“It’s rude to stare, child,” he said. “Didn’t they ever teach you that? The Swans are vile
human beings, but I know that father of yours doesn’t put up with disrespect from slaves so
I know he wouldn’t tolerate you staring at him. You should know better.”
I glanced down at my lap, chewing on my bottom lip nervously. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir,” I
said quickly, almost instinctively like a robot. “I was just… never mind. It won’t happen
again.” His mood was scaring me and I had a ton of questions flying around in my head
because of it, but I was frightened to ask. Had I done something wrong? Where was he
taking me? Was I going to be punished for something?
“Good. Now if you have a question, ask it. Otherwise, mind your manners. I’m not in the
mood for insolence today,” he said. I had no idea what insolence was, but I had no
intention of being disrespectful toward him. I hesitated, debating on whether or not to ask
him anything, not wanting to risk angering him any more. I must’ve hesitated too long
because he groaned. “Just ask,” he snapped sharply. I tensed up at his tone, my heart
starting to pound erratically again.
“I, uh… I was just wondering where we were going, sir,” I said quickly, my voice shaky. Dr.
Cullen’s unpredictability rattled me.
“The hospital,” he said simply. I glanced over at him, my brow furrowed in confusion, but
looked away quickly so not to aggravate him. He was quiet for a moment as he drove
through town. I spotted the hospital in the distance after a bit, curiosity and slight fear as to
why we were going there bubbling up inside of me as we neared it. The last time he’d taken
me to a hospital it hadn’t been a pleasant experience at all.
He pulled into the parking lot, driving toward the front of the building and pulling into one
of the first parking spots. I glanced out the windshield and saw a small sign with Dr.
Cullen’s name written on it, indicating the spot was reserved for him to park in only.
He shut the car off and pulled the key from the ignition, sighing. “I expect you to be on your
best behavior, Isabella. These people in here are my co-workers’, so don’t you dare
embarrass me. None of them will likely really say anything to you, they all know about you
living in my home to help us out. Hell, to be honest, everyone in town knows all about you
by now. These people are like vultures when it comes to gossip.”
I sat still, staring out the windshield at the sign with Dr. Cullen’s name on it. I could sense
his eyes on me and it was increasing my nervousness. I couldn’t help but feel like he was
insinuating something with his comment about gossip, attempting to get a reaction from
me, but I wasn’t going to crack prematurely. I couldn’t let my paranoia drive me to making
mistakes.
“I’ll be on my best behavior, sir,” I said simply. He continued to stare at me for a moment
before opening his door and climbing out. I sighed and opened my door, stepping out into
the parking lot and shutting it behind me. He headed for the front doors and I followed,
keeping his pace so not to lag behind him.
We walked inside the building and a woman sitting at a desk in the front glanced up,
smiling. “Good morning, Dr. Cullen. Nice to see you,” she said politely. He nodded.
“You, also,” he said in a business-like voice. He walked over to the wall and pressed the
arrow pointing up for the elevator. The door opened and he glanced at me, raising his
eyebrows. I brushed by him quickly, stepping inside, and he followed me. He pushed the
button and the elevator doors slowly closed.
Despite the fact that the ride up to the second floor took only thirty seconds at the most, it
was long enough to increase my anxiety tenfold. I didn’t like being trapped somewhere so
cramped with absolutely no chance of escape. Logically I knew Dr. Cullen wouldn’t lay a
hand on me in an elevator in a hospital, especially the hospital he himself work in, because
he valued maintaining respect too much. But it wasn’t easy being logical when I was
confined in a small 5’x 5’ box with a 7’ high ceiling with a man clearly capable of harming
me, and likely wishing he could for some reason.
I breathed a sigh of relief as the elevator stopped and the doors started opening once more.
Dr. Cullen stepped out and I followed behind him, passing a big desk with a few people
sitting behind it. They all glanced up and greeted Dr. Cullen warmly and he was polite in
return but not very cheerful toward them either. He started down a hallway and I followed,
having no idea where we were going. I was looking down at the floor, watching my feet so I
didn’t do something crazy like trip and injure myself, and didn’t notice Dr. Cullen had
stopped walking until I ran right into the back of him. I gasped and tensed up immediately,
taking a few steps back. My eyes widened with shock, fear coursing through my veins. I
brought my hands up instinctively, wanting to shield myself, and stared at the back of Dr.
Cullen. He was simply standing in place, almost completely statuesque besides the subtle
movement of his back as he inhaled and exhaled. I glanced down and saw his hand at his
side was twitching and he balled it up into a fist tightly to stop it. I knew immediately that
he was losing his temper but was fighting to keep himself in check, and realized that the
fact that we were in public was the only thing keeping me from true harm at that point.
“Sorry, sir,” I said quickly, in a hushed whisper. There wasn’t anyone down the hallway
with us so they couldn’t hear what I’d said anyway, but I figured it was better to be safe
than sorry and not speak too loudly.
He sighed and unclamped his fist, turning and walking over toward a door. I glanced at it
and saw his name written on a metal plate on it, realizing it was likely his office. He pulled
a set of keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, opening it up and slipping the keys
back in his pocket. He reached right inside the room and flicked the light on before turning
to me.
“Go in and sit down, I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t dare touch anything, you hear me? I’ll know
if you do,” he said. His voice was steady and he sounded relatively calm, but he wasn’t even
bothering to try to hide the irritation in his eyes anymore. He knew I knew he was
aggravated, no point in trying to conceal it.
“Yes, sir,” I said, turning and walking into the room quickly, making sure not to bump into
him in the process. As soon as I was inside he shut the door and I could hear his footsteps
start down the hallway. I sighed and stood in spot for a moment, glancing around. It was
surprisingly disorderly for belonging to Dr. Cullen, as his office at home was kept almost
completely spotless. Here he had folders sitting around, papers stacked on his desk and
around the area. He didn’t have any personal items sitting around to make it stand out as
being his space, none of that conventional stuff that makes it look friendly like family
pictures or ‘worlds greatest dad’ coffee cups that you see in movies. The walls were white
and plain, the carpet dark blue, everything wooden except for the chairs, which were black
leather.
I walked over and sat down in one of the chairs gingerly, my nerves still on edge. I folded
my hands in my lap and sat quietly for a while, staring down at my hands as I picked at my
frayed fingernails nervously. I heard footsteps after awhile and tensed up as they neared.
They stopped in front of the door and there was a brief pause before the knob was turned
and the door was pushed open. I almost turned to look, as instinct naturally told me to get
visual confirmation because a person like myself should never be caught off guard, but I
fought the urge and continued to stare down at my hands. The moment the door was
opened I caught a whiff of the cologne and knew it was indeed Dr. Cullen, anyway.
The door closed again and he walked around, pulling his chair out and sitting down behind
his desk. I was chewing on my lip and furiously picking at a nail, anxious about being here
with him. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see him grab some files and start sorting
through them, pulling out some papers. I risked a peek at him and saw he was pinching the
bridge of his nose, reading through something. He must’ve sensed my eyes on him because
he shifted his attention from the paper to me. We made eye contact and he raised his
eyebrows questioningly. I panicked and looked back away quickly, staring back down at my
hands. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, as in Phoenix he had been upset that I
wouldn’t keep eye contact with him, but in the car he’d accused me of being disrespectful
by staring.
“Ask,” he said simply. I glanced back up immediately and saw his attention was still on me.
I sighed.
“I, uh… I was just wondering…” I stalled, unsure of what to even ask and how to do so
without offending him or getting into trouble.
“Just spit it out,” he said sharply.
“I was just wondering why we were here, sir,” I said quietly. He nodded and turned his
attention back to the paper in his hand, continuing to read through it. He didn’t answer
right away and I wondered if maybe he were simply going to ignore me, not give me the
answer to that. I guess I’d find it out on my own in due time, but the fact that he didn’t just
come out and tell me increased my apprehension.
“I needed to get back to work, I’ve been away for too long. And you need another birth
control shot, as it’s been three months now since your first one. That’s why we’re here,
Isabella,” he said finally. My eyes widened with surprise and he glanced back at me. “I
could’ve just given you the shot at home, but I figured you’d be more comfortable having
someone that’s not me doing it since you have to expose yourself somewhat. So in exchange
for your comfort, you’re just going to have to tolerate my company for a few hours. Do you
have a problem with that?”
He looked at me questioningly, still appearing quite irritated. I shook my head no quickly.

“No, sir. No problem.”
He nodded and sat the paper he was holding down on his desk. He stood up and walked
over to a bookcase on the wall and started scanning through titles. He grumbled under his
breath to himself and I tensed up when something that distinctly sounded like ‘making me
a grandfather’ rolled from his lips. Did he think Edward and I were having sex? Was that
why he’d put me on birth control, did he somehow know we’d end up together? I wouldn’t
dare ask him those things though, because asking that would be reckless.
He pulled a book out from the shelf and walked back to his desk, holding it out to me. My
eyes widened with shock and I reached my hand out, grabbing it carefully. “One of the
nurses will be around in awhile to give you the shot, but other than that you’re just going to
be sitting here most of the day. I don’t have much for you in the way of entertainment, that
book’s about as close as you’re going to get in this office. There are some more like it up
there if you get bored with that one.”
I nodded hesitantly, glancing down at the cover as Dr. Cullen sat back down. He started
shifting through his papers again and my brow furrowed as I read the cover.
“She swallowed a toothbrush?!” I blurted out, caught off guard. Dr. Cullen froze and
glanced at me, and my eyes widened as I looked over at him. We both seemed shocked by
my outburst. The cover had a picture of a skeleton with a toothbrush lodged in the throat,
and was called “The Woman Who Swallowed A Toothbrush, And Other Bizarre Medical
Cases”. Dr. Cullen nodded.
“Yes, she did,” he said. I nodded, smiling sheepishly, quite glad that he didn’t seem upset
that I’d spoken loudly like that.
“Sorry, sir. I’ll, uh… I’ll just read. Thank you,” I mumbled. He nodded.
“You’re welcome, child,” he said, going back to his papers.

I opened the book and slouched back in the chair some, starting to read. The room
remained silent, except for the sound of me turning pages and Dr. Cullen flipping through
papers. Occasionally he’d start tapping his pen against the desk and mumble something,
but we were left alone from outside distractions for the most part. After awhile there was a
tap at the door, and Dr. Cullen and I both glanced at the clock right away. It was a few
minutes past noon.
Dr. Cullen sighed and stood up, walking over to the door. “Good afternoon, Heidi,” he said,
smiling. I glanced over, shocked as a fairly young blonde haired woman came walking in.
She was gorgeous, even wearing hospital scrubs she looked like a model. She smiled
sweetly at Dr. Cullen.
“Happy birthday Dr. C!” she said excitedly. I froze with shock at her words. Happy
Birthday? No one had told me it was Dr. Cullen’s birthday. I was stunned Edward hadn’t
mentioned it at least.
“Yeah, thanks,” he said, not sounding very enthusiastic. “I’ll go down and grab some lunch
for you. I’ll be back shortly,” he said as he turned back to me. I nodded.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. He nodded and stared at me for a moment, narrowing his eyes
slightly. The look was a bit intimidating, almost like a warning. I had a surge of fear surge
through me, fear that wasn’t even alleviated by him turning and walking out of the room. I
didn’t want to make any mistakes and accidentally say or do anything wrong.
“So you’re Isabella? I’m Heidi,” she said, holding her hand out to me. I sat the book down
on Dr. Cullen’s desk and stood up, holding my hand out to shake hers.
“Nice to meet you, Heidi,” I said hesitantly, unsure of what to call her. She told me her first
name but I didn’t want to be rude by calling her it, but wasn’t sure if saying ma’am to her
was appropriate. Dr. Cullen hadn’t exactly told me anything about her, so I wasn’t sure how
much she knew or what to expect.
“Yeah, you too. It’s nice to finally get to see the girl to finally whip Edward Cullen into
shape. How the hell did you manage that, anyway?” she asked nonchalantly. My eyes
widened with shock, my heart rate spiking. She pulled a needle out and started preparing
something before glancing at me questioningly, obviously wondering why I wasn’t
answering. I was just stunned that she’d say that, and so casually at that.
“I, uh… I mean, I don’t know…” I stammered, having no idea how to respond to that. She
smiled lightly, nodding.
“It’s okay, I know. It’s unexplainable, eh? But I tell you, that boy used to either land himself
down in the ER or cause someone else to need medical attention every week with all the
fighting he did. It’s been months now since it’s happened,” she said, shrugging. “It’s almost
a miracle. I know Dr. C has to be happy about it, not having to constantly punish his son for
acting up.”
I just stared at her. “I don’t know about Dr. Cullen,” I mumbled. “I mean, I don’t even know
if he knows…”
She laughed lightly. “Of course he knows. Dr. C’s a smart man, very observant. That’s what
makes him such a great doctor. He can sense things, picks things up that others don’t and
he knows his kids well. Hell, he probably knew what was happening before Edward even
knew,” she said, shrugging like it was no big deal, completely oblivious to the fact that it
was a major problem. “Turn around and unbutton your jeans for me, please.”
I did as she said, a bit apprehensive about it. She pulled my pants down slightly in the back
and I tensed up, bracing myself. I was highly grateful that Dr. Cullen was nice enough to
get someone else to do it at least, as there was no way I’d ever be comfortable like this for
him.
“It’s a bit kind of hard to believe that the worst medical attention Edward causes anyone to
need these days is for his girlfriend to get birth control,” she said, laughing as she stuck the
needle in me. I yelped at the burning sensation, wincing, her words causing the panic to
bubble up again. The pain dissipated after a second and she pulled my pants back up. I
started buttoning them, my hands trembling slightly from nerves.
“Thank you,” I said quickly, not wanting to seem rude and having no idea what else to say
to her. She glanced at me and smiled, nodding.
“Of course. All in a days work. It really is a pleasure to meet you,” she said. I nodded and
there was a light tap on the door. Heidi swung it open and stood in front of the doorway,
hands on her hips. “That was quick,” she said.
Dr. Cullen smiled lightly. “Being doctor has its perks,” he said shrugging. She moved out of
the way and he walked in the room, holding a bag. He walked over and sat it down on his
desk, sitting down in his chair. I sighed and sat back down in my chair, glancing between
Heidi and Dr. Cullen. I was worried she was going to say something else about Edward,
worried she’d bring the subject back up around Dr. Cullen.
Dr. Cullen pulled out two plastic disposable containers, sitting one down in front of me,
and one in front of him. He pulled out some plastic silverware wrapped in plastic and
handed some to me.
“I don’t see why you get special treatment, you’re nobody special,” Heidi said jokingly. Dr.
Cullen cracked a small smile, shaking his head.
“Now, you know as well as I do, that without me this place would’ve gone to hell a long time
ago. It’s only fair they let me cut in line in the cafeteria,” he said, sounding amused. “I
mean, it really is the least they can do.”
I opened my container of food, wishing she would leave so my anxiety would calm some. I
unwrapped my plastic silverware and started poking at the food in front of me when Heidi
laughed behind me. “Whatever. It’s your birthday so I’ll let that slide today.” The mention
of his birthday once more caused me to glance up at him, still slightly confused that they’d
kept that from me. He cut his eyes at me briefly, his smile falling when he saw my curious
expression. “Anyway, you two enjoy your lunch. Once again, nice to meet you Isabella.
You’re a lucky girl, but don’t let those Cullen men give you too much trouble. Sometimes
you gotta show them whose boss, ya know?” she said playfully. I froze, tensing up, and
stared at Dr. Cullen. He seemed almost amused by her words, the irony obviously not
escaping him. She had no idea exactly how much power the man sitting across the desk
from me had over my life.
She started to walk out and I almost breathed a sigh of relief, but she paused in the
doorway, my greatest worry coming to light as she opened her mouth once more. “I’ve
heard Edward likes his women kinky anyway, so I’m sure he’d appreciate a little
domination from his girl.”
The amusement died in Dr. Cullen’s eyes immediately, his expression twisting once again
to aggravation. Heidi walked out, laughing, completely oblivious to the situation she just
created. As soon as the door clicked shut my hands started trembling badly, the fork I was
clutching shaking. My heart was pounding furiously and I felt like I was going to be sick.
Dr. Cullen just sat there and stared at me, his expression hard, his eyes narrowing slightly.
I realized he was looking for a reaction from me, attempting to read me. I tried to keep my
blank mask, tried to maintain my composure, but I was frightened.
He stared at me for a bit longer and I panicked, breaking eye contact and looking away,
afraid of cracking. I stared down at my lap, unsure of what he was going to say to me, afraid
to look at him.
“Eat,” he said forcefully after a moment, the lone word disrupting the tense silence and
nearly echoing though the room. I flinched and glanced at my tray, poking at some
macaroni and cheese with my fork. I brought it up to my mouth and started chewing on it,
but I was so nauseated that I had a hard time swallowing.
Dr. Cullen ate in silence and I took small bites of mine, not wanting to upset him by
ignoring my food. After about ten minutes of thick tension and forcing a good portion of
my food down I sat my fork aside, hoping that would appease him. I didn’t dare look at
him.
After a moment Dr. Cullen started shuffling stuff around on his desk and stood up from his
chair. I was staring down at my hands in my lap and from the corner of my eyes could see
him walking in my direction. I tensed up as his hand shot out, flinching backwards against
the chair and squeezing my eyes shut, bracing myself for whatever was to come. I heard
some more rustling noises and opened my eyes after a second when he didn’t touch me and
saw him holding my tray of food.
“Are you finished?” he asked, his voice low. I nodded quickly.
“Yes, sir,” I mumbled nervously. He sighed and walked over, dropping it in the trashcan
with a thud. He started back over toward his desk and I tensed up as a sudden vibration
started going off in my pocket. My eyes widened with shock as my phone started ringing
out, fear coursing through me when I heard the Simple Plan song start playing that Edward
had put on it as my ringtone one of those first days we hung out together in his bedroom. I
grabbed at my pocket quickly, unsure of what to do about it. I wasn’t sure how to make it
stop, and I knew immediately that it was Edward as it was around time for him to have his
lunch break from classes and he occasionally called me then. I was afraid to answer it,
because of Dr. Cullen sitting in front of me, afraid overall of what he was going to say about
Edward calling me. The air was thick with tension because of the insinuation of Edward
and my relationship as it was, and I knew him calling me from school would only deepen
that.
Dr. Cullen glanced at me when he heard the music, his brow furrowing with confusion. I
reached into my pocket and pulled the phone out, flipping it open quickly and panicking
slightly before pushing the red button. I’d never silenced a call before and Edward didn’t
exactly tell me how to do that, but I assumed since red meant stop and that was the button
that ended calls, it should stop them before they started also.
The singing ended immediately, as did the vibrating. I closed the phone and sat it down in
my lap and Dr. Cullen sat down across from me behind his desk.
“Very interesting song choice,” he said simply after a second. I glanced up at him and saw
him watching me curiously. I wasn’t sure what to say and hesitated, but opened my mouth
to merely agree after a moment. I figured you could never go wrong simply agreeing with
your master, no matter what he may say. But before any words could escape my lips, the
phone started vibrating and singing out again in my lap. I picked it up quickly to silence it,
but before I could Dr. Cullen spoke out.
“Don’t,” he said sharply. I looked up at him and saw he had his hand held out, his eyebrows
raised. “Give it to me.”
My eyes went wide from the panic coursing through me and I held the phone out to him,
my hand trembling. He took it quickly and glanced down at the screen. I watched him for a
second as he stared at it, knowing he could see Edward’s name flashing, indicating he was
calling. The singing ended after a second and Dr. Cullen sat there quietly, still glaring at the
screen. I was frightened of what was going to happen now, what Edward and I were facing.
In a matter of moments it started up again, the song sounding so loud ringing out in the
tense and quiet room.
“Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding”
My anxiety doubled when the lyrics hit me and I realized why he said it was an interesting
song choice. I was afraid he had taken them personally, that he’d been offended by them.
Things were bad enough at the moment as it was, I didn’t need him to see something else
as being disrespectful.
He glanced down at the screen that was lighting up, and my brow furrowed in confusion as
I saw the corner of his mouth turn up slightly in almost a smirk. It disappeared just as
quickly as it had appeared but I’d swear I saw it for a brief second, and I had no idea what
that meant.
“To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life”
He glanced over at me briefly before flipping the phone open and pressing a button. The
ringing stopped and I figured he’d silenced it again, but instead he brought it up to his ear.
Dread rocked me when I realized he’d answered it.
“I need to see you in my office at the hospital as soon as you get out of school,” Dr. Cullen
said simply. There was a pause of intense silence before I could faintly hear Edward’s voice
respond on the line. “Good. See you then.”
Dr. Cullen closed the phone and looked at it for a moment before sitting it down on his
desk. He slid it over toward me, looking at me expectantly. “Silencing calls only makes you
appear as if you’re trying to hide something, Isabella. And I’m well aware he calls and texts
you, as I pay both of your phone bills.”
I picked the phone up carefully and slipped it back in my pocket, trying to remain calm
although I was anything but inside. I stared at him with apprehension, unsure of what to
say to that. “Okay,” I mumbled finally, as I started picking at my fingernails again, focusing
my gaze back down on my lap.
“Today is my birthday, you know,” Dr. Cullen said after a bit. I peeked at him quickly,
surprised that out of everything he could say at the moment, he’d come off with that.
“Uh, happy birthday, sir,” I said promptly. “No one told me.”
He nodded. “Well, there’s really no reason to celebrate this day. It may be the day I was
given life, but it’s also the day my life was taken from me,” he said, looking down at some
paperwork on his desk. He started sorting through things and I looked at him with
confusion, unsure of what he meant by his life being taken from him.
After about a minute he picked up his pen and started writing something down on a piece
of paper. I wondered if he was done with the conversation and was about to give up on
hope that he’d elaborate and explain when he spoke again.
“It was my 18th birthday when I was initiated in the mob, Isabella. When I gave my life to
them. My life hasn’t been the same since, because my life hasn’t belonged to me since. I
may have been able to have a family, I may be able to practice medicine and hop in the car
on a whim and drive to the store if I choose to, but none of that really means anything.
None of that matters, because at the end of the day they still control me. Anything they told
me to do, I’d be obligated to do or face death. Were you aware of that aspect of organized
crime? That if they told me to murder someone, I’d either have to do it or die myself for
disobeying?” he asked, glancing back up from the paper at me, his pen stilling.
I shook my head no hesitantly. He nodded, sighing, and focused back on the paper. “I’ve
watched it happen entirely too many times to count. I’ve witnessed men ordered to murder
their own family, made to kill their own son, and they’d either do it or be murdered
themselves. I wasn’t kidding around when I told you that man that visited the house was
essentially my master, just as no matter what I do to attempt to make you comfortable in
my home you’ll continue to see me as your master. Because I hold the key to your survival,
just as Aro holds the key to mine. The difference, Isabella, is that you had no choice in your
fate. I could’ve walked away and should’ve, but instead willingly handed over the power. I
wasn’t much older than Edward is right now. I was just as stupid then as he is now, just as
naïve about life. And don’t be fooled, Isabella. My son is naïve. He has no idea what it is
he’s getting himself into with any of this, neither of you do,” he said.
His words weren’t making much sense to me; the fact that he lacked true free will slightly
startling if what he was saying was true.
“And that’s why there’s nothing ‘happy’ about my birthday, why it’s not even worth
mentioning. Tell me, child, did you acknowledge birthday’s in Phoenix?” he asked, looking
at me.
I shook my head no. “There was nothing to celebrate.”
He nodded. “And why’s that?” he asked curiously, raising his brow.
I hesitated, unsure of what to say that wouldn’t upset him. He was staring at me, obviously
awaiting an answer. I debated before just going with the truth—I was already in over my
head, there would be more harm in trying to lie than rattling off the truth.
“Because there’s no point in celebrating my birth when my life isn’t even mine. It’s just
another day. The only thing good I ever saw about it was that I was another day closer to
the end, that maybe my suffering would end when someone finally killed me,” I said,
watching him warily. He stared at me for a moment with a curious expression before
nodding.
“Precisely,” he said finally, glancing back down at his papers. He was quiet for a moment
and appeared to be deep in thought. I wasn’t sure if his mind was still on our situation or if
he’d diverted his attention to the papers he had. I was a bit confused about everything,
unsure of why he hadn’t said anything to me about what Heidi had said. I was completely
baffled as to why he’d told Edward to come here and was frightened that we were both
going to be confronted at the same time. I was afraid of what Edward’s reaction was going
to be to it all.
Dr. Cullen picked up his pen eventually and started writing again. I figured the
conversation was over and didn’t exactly know what I was supposed to do, so I reached
over to grab the book off of the desk again, deciding to just try to read to help pass the time.
I got my hand on it and started pulling it off the desk when Dr. Cullen’s voice rang out, his
words startling me, almost paralyzing me. The book slipped from my fingers and tumbled
to the ground and I glanced at Dr. Cullen, my eyes wide with shock. I didn’t even bother to
reach down and pick it up, as it barely even registered with me at the moment that I’d
essentially just disrespected a piece of my master’s property. Had I done that in Phoenix,
had I dropped something that belonged to Charles and then had the audacity to leave it
there, I would’ve been punished severely. But none of that really registered at the moment,
because all my brain could seem to grasp was the question that had so coolly escaped Dr.
Cullen’s lips.
“Are you in love with him?”
“Who?” I asked instinctively, my natural reaction to feign ignorance kicking in. I knew
exactly who he was talking about, because it was plain as day now that he’d definitely had
us figured out for awhile. The problem, however, was I wasn’t sure how to answer his
question. Do I admit it and face the consequences that I was sure would certainly arise
from confessing, or did I lie? Did I try to deny it and hope he’d give me a pass, that he
wouldn’t press the issue? Was there even any point in lying, when he’d likely never believe
me anyway? Would hearing confirmation from me, or a denial when he was sure of the
answer anyway upset him more?
“You know who, Isabella. Don’t play dumb with me, it’s not going to work. Do you love my
son?” he asked, his tone serious. I felt the bile rising up at being put on the spot, a sinking
feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was screwed, there was no doubt about it, and because of
that I decided to tell the truth. No matter what I said in response to his question I would
potentially be in some trouble, and there was no point in denying something I wasn’t
ashamed of. Because I wasn’t ashamed of being in love with Edward. No matter what
happened to me because of it, loving him was worth it.
“Yes,” I said, trying to keep my voice even and glaring at his nameplate on his desk. I didn’t
want to look down completely, but there was no way I could look him in the eyes. I was too
afraid of seeing the anger, the disgust that would likely be present because of his pride and
joy being with a slave.
Dr. Cullen didn’t say anything, an awkward silence creeping into the room. I was grateful
he hadn’t lashed out and yelled immediately upon my affirmation, but I knew his calmness
was just as frightening as violence. I’d learned that clearly that day back in October when
he punished me.
But I wasn’t afraid of punishment, per se. He could punish me all he wanted, it wouldn’t
change how I felt. He could gag me and tie me up all he wanted, batter and bruise my body,
but he couldn’t destroy what I felt inside of my heart. I’d endure a thousand punishments
for Edward, but what I was afraid of was Edward facing some of the same consequences.
Dr. Cullen stood up after a moment and grabbed a bag sitting beside his desk, and my heart
started racing as he walked over toward me. I tensed up as he sat down in the black leather
chair beside me, reaching down and unzipping the bag. I continued to look straight ahead
but could see his movements out of my peripheral. He pulled something out of the bag,
which frightened me at first, but my brow furrowed in confusion as he pushed things away
from the front of his desk and sat a laptop down. He opened it and turned it on.
“Edward called me the other night, on New Years. Wanted to know if you really had a
tracking chip inside of you,” Dr. Cullen said. I was slightly stunned and glanced over at
him, surprised Edward would confront his father about it. I was also a bit afraid,
immediately wondering if that was why Dr. Cullen had appeared so angry when he saw me
this morning. I didn’t recall him ever coming out and telling me not to tell any of his sons
about the chip, but I couldn’t entirely be sure he hadn’t implied it somehow and I just
didn’t pick up on it. “I have to tell you, Isabella. I wasn’t very happy about him inquiring
about it.”
My panic surged. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to tell… I mean, you didn’t
say… and you said there were no secrets in your house,” I stammered out.
He sighed and nodded. “So you remember that conversation we had in Phoenix?” he asked,
glancing at me. I nodded hesitantly. “Good. It’s clear you disregarded the part of the speech
where I made it clear there weren’t to be secrets, but it would be hypocritical of me to
punish you for doing something I’ve done myself. And you’re right. I didn’t tell you not to
tell him, and that’s not why I wasn’t happy. It’s doesn’t matter to me whether or not he
knows. What matters to me, what worries me, is the fact that he’s so interested in it.
Because the only reason I can come up with as to why Edward would be worried enough to
risk confronting me about it is if he’d been contemplating doing something that would be
effected by you being chipped. And, Isabella, the only scenario that seems to make sense
where the chip would come into play is my son trying to go on the run with you.”
I sat frozen as Dr. Cullen leaned forward and started opening up some program on his
laptop. “I, uh… I’m not going to run away, sir. I’d never…. You know… I don’t plan on
trying to leave, I swear,” I stammered out. He sighed and held his hand up to silence me.
“I know, child. Do you think I’d allow you so much freedom if I thought you’d try to run?
Yes, I could easily find you and bring you back, but there would be consequences resulting
from your actions that I’d rather not have to face. No, I’m not worried about you trying to
take off and I never was, because you aren’t capable of surviving out there on your own and
I’m quite sure you’re aware of that. I chipped you mainly for safety precautions, because I
intended to allow you freedoms. You’ve come face to face with some of the most dangerous
men in this country and because of that you’re a bit desensitized to moderately harmful
situations. I was afraid you’d fall for a charmer, Isabella, someone who would convince you
to place all of your trust in them and potentially lead you to danger. And it seems I was
right, except I never anticipated that charmer would be someone who lived under my roof.
Never imagined it would be my son,” he said, shaking his head.
There was a brief pause and I looked at the laptop as he punched a few buttons and the
screen changed. It was a drawing of a map, a bunch of streets with a big red circle in the
middle of it. “I love my son dearly, but he can be volatile and act without thinking, and I
know this because I was the same way at his age. And I know very well what results from
that. I know if it came down to it, he’d still try to run with you. And I know that, because
once upon a time I tried to do it myself,” he said. My brow furrowed in confusion and I
glanced at him, unsure of what he was talking about. He looked over at me and shook his
head.
“It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that my son will be quite persuasive, and because
you love him you’re going to want to follow him blindly. And I need you to understand,
Isabella, that you can’t. I know you may feel otherwise, and I don’t blame you for it, but I’m
not an entirely horrible man. I have a heart. And as much as you love my son, I recognize
he cares for you in return. My son is truly an idiot if he believes he could’ve fooled me for
even a minute. And I don’t want to be the asshole in this situation, and I’ve been trying
with all of my might to stand back and allow nature to take it’s course, hoping everything
would fix itself and solutions would spring up on their own. But it’s not happening, and my
son is growing impatient. I’m not sure if I want to commend him on his bravery or yell at
him for his stupidity, but Edward is digging himself in deep.”
I sat quietly, listening, stunned at what he was saying to me. There wasn’t any real anger
present in his voice, his reaction not exactly what I was expecting. I was expecting lashing
out and disgust and he almost seemed to understand. It was clear he wasn’t pleased about
the situation, but at least he wasn’t aggravated to the point of violence. At least, not right
now anyway.
“See that red dot on the screen, Isabella?” he said after a second, pointing at it. I glanced at
the laptop and nodded, seeing it in the middle of a shaded area near some roads. “That red
dot is you. That’s the chip in your back. No matter where you go or what you do, all I have
to do is open this program and punch in the code, and it’ll give me your exact location, give
or take 50 feet or so.”
He clicked another button on the screen and the map changed into a grainy picture. I
stared at it for a moment, the red dot blinking on what looked like a building. My eyes
widened in surprise after a second when it registered that it was the hospital we were
sitting in. He was showing me exactly how accurate it was.
“This is the first time I’ve ever looked at this, the first time I’ve ever accessed your chip to
locate you. And I hope it’s the last time I ever have to. Because I’m telling you right now, if
you run away with my son, I will find you and you will pay dearly for it. Neither one of you
understands the situation you’re in, and running is only going to get someone hurt and I
can’t allow that to happen. I can’t allow my son to get caught up in this, I can’t let him fall
victim to it. I’d try to explain this to Edward, but he’d want answers to questions that I
simply can’t give him. Answers he’d be better off never hearing. So instead, I’m telling you.
Because if you remember our conversation in Phoenix as you say you do, you’ll remember
very clearly that I said expected allegiance from you, and if you gave me anything less than
completely loyalty you’d face the consequences. Well, I mean that, and I’m telling you right
now that if you go on the lamb with my son I will track you down and I will kill you if I have
to. And I don’t want to, because I’d be going against everything I was trying to do and I’d be
potentially signing my own death warrant at the same time, but I can’t allow my son to get
hurt. And if you two are stupid enough to try to disappear, Edward will end up hurt at the
end. ”
He glanced over at me and I stared at him, baffled and stunned and frightened at the
prospect of Edward being hurt. I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by it, what about the
situation we didn’t understand, but regardless I could tell he was completely serious by his
tone. He meant every word he said, and I could hear the concern mixed in with the
forcefulness of his statement.
“Do you get what I’m telling you? I’m not going to intervene if I don’t have to, as long as
you don’t force me to. And I don’t want you to get hurt, but if it comes down to it Isabella, I
will choose my son. You’re both walking a fine line right now and if Edward crosses over it,
I’m going to have to step in. I know he’s already suspicious and curious, that he wants to
know what secrets I’m hiding, but they are secrets that could get him killed. There are
things that I didn’t even know, things I’ve only recently discovered, that are very serious
and have deadly consequences when people go snooping around and asking questions.”
He paused and turned to the laptop, gazing at the blinking red dot for a moment. “If you
love him as you say you do, you’ll understand why I’m doing this. I don’t want to keep
secrets from my son, but his safety comes first. And I know you’re not going to want to keep
secrets from him, but out of love for him you’re going to have to, if you want him to remain
safe. Because these secrets, Isabella? These secrets all revolve around you. I need you to
grasp that. I don’t expect you to understand because I’m not prepared to tell you what
those secrets are, but I do expect you to obey me. You need to keep anything from Edward
that will fuel his suspicion and curiosity, and you need to discourage him from digging for
answers he doesn’t need to find. I don’t know what made me do it, but when I left last week
I turned on the camera in my office because of an odd feeling I had. And do you know what
I saw this morning when I went into my office and reviewed the footage? I saw my son
going through my office. He was looking for information, information I thankfully didn’t
leave in there. He’s already started and he needs to stop, because if he doesn’t he’s liable to
come across something to hurt the both of you.”
He clicked out of the tracking program and turned off the laptop, returning it to the bag.
He sat back in the chair and sighed, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. I
sat quietly, trying to absorb everything he’d said. Most of it was confusing, as I couldn’t
imagine what the big deal was that dealt with me, but one thing I was certain about—
Edward couldn’t get hurt because of me. Too many people had been hurt because of me,
because of my mistakes, and Edward couldn’t be one of them. I loved him too much for
that, and would sacrifice my own hope and heart if it meant him not getting wounded.
Because whether or not it was intentional, it would destroy me if Edward ever got hurt
because of me, physically or emotionally. He was much too special.
“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Dr. Cullen said after a moment. “I know logically it seems I
should just sit my son down and tell him to stop, but you know my son quite well now.
Logic doesn’t work on him. If I told Edward to stop digging because he’d be putting his life
on the line, it would just make him want to dig deeper for the answers, it would just fuel his
curiosity. He’s naïve and stupid, just like I was, and doesn’t grasp the seriousness of
throwing his life away for this nonsense. And I wish I could tell him, but there are
circumstances stopping me.”
He paused and shook his head. “I don’t want Edward getting involved in the mafia, I want
him as far away from it as possible. But the man in charge, Aro, holds high hopes for
Edward. I’m walking a fine line myself, between trying to distance my son from this
lifestyle and trying to appease my organization. When I vowed my life to them, I swore the
organization would always come first no matter what. They told me they expect me to be
willing to sacrifice my family for them if it comes down to it and I agreed to that, because I
was an idiot and thought it was just some glorified oath to make it exciting. Little did I
know 23 years later they’d be expecting me to just hand my son over to them, to just let my
youngest walk into the lifestyle blindly just as I did. Aro views Edward as a principe della
mafia. A mafia prince. He can’t wait to take Edward under his wing. If they find out I speak
up, speak out again them and try to persuade my son against joining, they’re going to see
me as a traitor. Do you remember on that drive in Phoenix what I told you the punishment
for treachery was in my world, Isabella?”
I nodded hesitantly, chewing on my bottom lip. “Death,” I murmured. He sighed and

nodded.
“Yes, death. So do you see part of the predicament I’ve found myself in? Your relationship
with him isn’t helping my situation, but I am man enough to recognize that it is helping my
son as a person. You’re saving him in ways I’ve failed him, but I want you to realize that I
too am trying to save my son. I’m trying to save him from something he doesn’t realize he
needs saving from. I just haven’t found a way out of this without somebody getting hurt, a
way for us all to be saved where someone doesn’t have to be sacrificed. And I need your
help; I’m demanding your loyalty, because without it everything will just be worse,” he
said.
I looked at him with confusion, a little stunned. He saw my expression and nodded. “I
know, strange. But you’re going to have to use your influence to get my son to back off
without being too suspicious about it, because at this point you’re likely the only one who
can. And for what it’s worth, Isabella, I’m glad you’ve both found a bit of happiness in this
situation, which is why I’m not going to stop it. I don’t want to know about it, don’t flaunt it
in front of me, and I’ll continue to allow whatever it is to continue for the time being as
long as you don’t disobey me and you take what I’ve said here seriously. Don’t force my
hand.”
He glanced over at me questioningly, raising his eyebrows, obviously awaiting some sort of
response from me. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to ask but I was
just so taken aback and baffled and frightened that I couldn’t get the words to form
coherent questions. I finally nodded after a second, sighing.
“Yes, sir,” I mumbled. He nodded and stood up, walking around to sit down behind his
desk again. He grabbed his pen and started sorting through papers, and I watched him for
a moment before leaning down and picking the book up off of the floor. I flipped through it,
unable to focus on the stories, my mind running a million miles a minute as it tried to
completely absorb everything Dr. Cullen had said. It definitely wasn’t the reaction I’d
expected from him.
Time flew by quickly and before I knew it there was a loud knock on the door behind me. I
jumped, startled, as the room had been engulfed in total silence for quite some time. Dr.
Cullen glanced up as if he were about to say something, but before he could the door was
pushed open. Dr. Cullen groaned, shaking his head.
“How many times do we have to go through this Edward Anthony, before you stop walking
into rooms without permission to enter?” Dr. Cullen said sharply, obviously not happy. I
sat frozen in place, staring straight ahead at Dr. Cullen’s desk, and felt the skin on my neck
start prickling up from his close proximity as the door closed.
I heard him groan behind me and tensed up slightly as his footsteps neared. He walked
over and plopped down in the chair beside me, gazing at his father. I kept looking straight
ahead but could see him from the corner of my eye, could feel his closeness. I could even
smell his cologne, the scent sending my heart racing.
“Eh, I thought I had permission. I mean, shit, you told me to be here,” Edward said. Dr.
Cullen stared at him for a second before shaking his head.
“Whatever,” he said. “Give me your car keys.”
My eyes widened with shock and Edward tensed up, staring at his father. I glanced over at
him and saw he was grinding his teeth together, obviously in danger of snapping. He was
protective and possessive over his car, I knew that, and Dr. Cullen taking it from him would
cause a catastrophe.
“Excuse me?” Edward said, his voice laced with anger he was obviously trying to hold back.
Dr. Cullen sighed, shaking his head.
“What is it with you kids acting ignorant? You heard me. I said give me your car keys,” he
said sharply. I glanced at Edward again and saw him grip the arm of the chair tightly,
angry. He reached into his pocket with his other hand and pulled his keys out, tossing them
on his father’s desk. They landed on his pile of papers with a clang. Dr. Cullen picked the
keys up and stood up from the desk, turning around and walking over to where his jacket
sat in the corner. Once Dr. Cullen’s back was to us, Edward reached over and grabbed a
hold of my arm lightly to get my attention. I glanced at him and saw his brow was furrowed
in confusion. He cut his eyes at his father quickly before giving me a questioning look,
obviously wondering what was going on. I shrugged, unsure myself and still a bit
overwhelmed about everything, and Edward sighed. Dr. Cullen started to turn back around
after a second and Edward let go of my arm, running his hand through his hair.
Dr. Cullen walked over toward us and handed a set of keys out to Edward. Edward looked
at him with confusion before taking them carefully. “Why are you giving me the keys to the
Mercedes?” Edward asked. Dr. Cullen sighed and walked over, sitting down behind his
desk again.
“Because it’s an automatic,” Dr. Cullen said, shrugging. Edward continued to stare at him
with confusion.
“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” he asked.
“I figured an automatic would be easiest to start with,” Dr. Cullen said. “But if you’d rather
her start with the Volvo, by all means go ahead and take your keys back.”
Edward shook his head, still confused. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you talking about?”
he asked. “You aren’t making any damn sense.”
“Guardi le vostre parole,” Dr. Cullen snapped quickly, narrowing his eyes at Edward.
Edward sighed, shaking his head, but otherwise didn’t respond. “If you’d quit being so
defensive, you’d see I was telling you to teach the girl how to drive.”
I tensed up and Edward’s eyes widened with shock. “You’re fucking kidding me?” he said
loudly, sounding excited. I glanced over him quickly, stunned, and Dr. Cullen groaned.
“I swear son, sometimes I’d just like to knock the shit out of you,” Dr. Cullen said with
irritation. Edward chuckled.
“You do realize you’re cursing at me for cursing, right? What kinda goddamn role model
are you?” Edward said jokingly. I was a bit surprised how quick his demeanor shifted. Dr.
Cullen shook his head.
“Not the type of role model you need, that’s for sure. Do what I say and not what I do,” he
said.
Edward smirked. “Ah, come on. Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” he said.
Dr. Cullen shook his head. “You’re too good to follow in my footsteps,” he said.
“Too good to be a doctor?” Edward asked, smiling. Dr. Cullen sighed.
“You know what I’m talking about,” he said quietly. Edward sighed, shrugging.
“Whatever. Look at everything it’s gotten you. Sure doesn’t seem that bad,” he mumbled.
“Anyway, so why are we at the fucking hospital? Implanting more shit, running more
genetic tests? Or let me guess, it’s a secret?”
I tensed up and glanced at Edward, my eyes wide with shock. I couldn’t believe he’d said
that. My head snapped toward Dr. Cullen after a second and I saw he was staring at him,
looking quite unhappy. He cut his eyes at me briefly, his eyes flickering with that
aggravation I’d seen earlier in the day. He shook his head after a second, looking back at
Edward.
“If you must know, Isabella needed her birth control shot. You know, just in case she meets
any guys in town she likes and decides to become intimate,” Dr. Cullen said coolly. My
panic boiled over as my heart started pounding furiously. I looked over at Edward, worried
about his reaction. He was staring at his father, not even attempting to mask his rage. I was
worried he was going to snap, but thankfully Dr. Cullen chimed back in before Edward
could speak. “Anyway, you kids get going. I’ve got patients I need to see.”
Dr. Cullen stood up and started to walk out when Edward chimed up. “Oh, happy
birthday,” he said. I glanced at Dr. Cullen as he froze, turning to look at Edward.
“Thanks, son,” he said. Edward nodded and Dr. Cullen turned to look at me. He gazed at
me for a moment, a subtle sadness dancing in his eyes. It was almost startling, seeing it.
I’ve viewed Dr. Cullen as many things but up until then I hadn’t been able to truly
sympathize with him. But I did now. I could almost understand him, could see his fears
and desires, and the most startling part of all was him and I essentially wanted the same
thing. We both wanted free from the life we were trapped in, and we both wanted Edward
safe from it all. Dr. Cullen broke eye contact after a second and walked out, leaving Edward
and I alone in the office together. We both sat quietly for a moment after the door clicked
closed before Edward sighed and reached over, grabbing my arm. I looked over at him and
he pulled me toward him. He licked his lips, smirking, and I hesitated briefly before leaning
forward. He pressed his lips against mine, kissing softly and sweetly, his tongue coming out
and mingling with mine. He groaned into my mouth and his hand came up, rubbing across
my chest softly and squeezing my breast gently. He started to pull back from the kiss but
hesitated, instead playfully nipping at my bottom lip with his teeth.
“All mine,” he whispered huskily as he let go of my lip, pressing his mouth to mine again
briefly. I smiled when he pulled away that time, reaching my hand up to brush my fingers
across his lips, running my hand along his cheek. He desperately needed to shave and had
stubble growing in, his skin rough but the feel of it attractive. We’d gotten really close
intimacy-wise over the past week, really exploring with third base. Just last night he’d gone
down on me again for the 3rd time in a week and tasted me, and the feel of his coarse facial
hair brushing against my inner thigh was intense. I’d gone down on him twice this week,
last night included, and it seemed so strange being so intimate and sexual.
“All yours,” I whispered back. He smirked and nodded, pulling away from me and standing
up.
“You know, that really scared the fuck out of me when he answered your phone. All I could
think about was that we were fucking busted,” he said, shaking his head and running his
hand through his hair. “I thought for sure I was going to have to sucker punch him and
grab you and fucking run, GPS be damned.”
I sat still in the chair, his words bringing back everything Dr. Cullen had said to me. I
wasn’t sure what the danger was, but I was sure Edward would willingly stand up to it and
that scared me. I hadn’t known that Edward had already started digging for information
and I didn’t want him to accidentally get sucked further into anything dangerous because
of me.
And it wasn’t until that moment that I realized exactly how right Dr. Cullen had been,
because Edward would definitely try to run from our problems, and up until this morning I
would’ve ran with him--no questions asked.
Last week on New Years, Edward had told me that he’d put my safety about my desires,
and I appreciated that so much because for the first time in my life someone was truly
trying to look out for me. I knew now that I needed to do the same for him. I needed to
think about his safety. I didn’t want him to get hurt and if that meant placing my trust in
Dr. Cullen’s words and giving him my loyalty, I’d have to do it. For Edward. And it wouldn’t
be easy, finding balance between loving him and giving my soul to him and keeping him
safe and guarding him from the bad, but I’d find a way. Because it was worth it—he was
worth it.
I’d rather sacrifice myself than for him to have to suffer a single moment because of my
existence.
*****
Guardi le vostre parole - Watch your mouth

Tale il padre, tale il figlio - Like father, like son.
Chapter 43 Colorblind
“An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere, while a pessimist
sees only the red stoplight. . . The truly wise person is colorblind.” -- Albert
Schweitzer
The shrill bell rang out loudly, startling me from my light slumber. My head shot up quickly
and I blinked a few times, glancing around, confused. It took a moment for it to dawn on
me that I was sitting at my desk in the middle of my history classroom. I groaned and
brought my hands up, rubbing my face, trying to wake myself the fuck up. Everyone else
was getting up and gathering their belongings and exiting the room, talking excitedly
because it was time for lunch. I sat there for a second before pushing my chair back and
standing up. I grabbed my book bag and threw my book and notebook in it, zipping it up
and throwing it over my shoulder. I took a few steps away from my desk, wanting to head
for the door quickly, but a throat cleared loudly behind me. I stopped and groaned again,
knowing I was about to be fucking called out.
“Mr. Cullen, I’d appreciate it if you’d be more attentive in my class.”
I ran my hand through my hair, slightly aggravated, and turned around to face Mr.
McDonald. That motherfucker hated me, always had, because he’s a goddamn idiot and I
probably knew more about fucking history than he did. The first week of class he said some
shit about the Italian Mafia in Sicily, some bullshit that I knew wasn’t true, and I should’ve
just let it slide but of course I’m a cocky asshole and had to speak the fuck up. He’s been on
my ass ever since, as he didn’t appreciate me making him look fucking stupid. He knew I
had clout, that what I said and did pulled weight around the school, and he knew me
calling him out put a damper on the respect the other kids would’ve likely had for him
otherwise. So he’s been calling me out ever since, because his goddamn ego was bruised
and he wanted to discredit me, and he’d never fucking succeed but he tried like hell
anyway. He also hated that I didn’t have to really put forth an effort, that I could half-ass
everything and still pass his bullshit class with flying colors.
“Yeah, I’m sure you would,” I said, shrugging. His eyes narrowed slightly, my nonchalance
on the situation and asshole attitude pissing him off. I couldn’t really care though; I was
still fucking half asleep and didn’t have the energy to deal with his bullshit.
I looked at him for a moment longer, debating on whether or not to say anything else,
before simply turning around and heading for the door. There was no point in even
bothering and he didn’t say a word to me about it, just stood there and gaped at me as I
walked out of the room. I knew he wouldn’t dare give me detention for it, because giving
me detention would just force him to have to sit in a room with me for another goddamn
hour after school and that was the last thing he wanted. He sure as shit wouldn’t go to the
principal about it, either. He did that at the beginning of the year, trying to get me expelled
for disrespect not long after the incident about the Mafia in class, but the principal was too
goddamn afraid to punish me because of my father that he shrugged it all off.
I walked down the hallway and hit the double doors, walking out onto the plaza. It was
pretty chilly out but thankfully dry after having rained all week long. I reached into my
pocket and grabbed my phone, pulling it out. I scanned through my contacts until I found
Bella’s name, hitting the call button.
She’d still been asleep when I got up for school this morning, sleeping so goddamn hard
that even that ridiculously loud blaring alarm clock hadn’t disturbed her a bit. I had to
admit, that shit was a bit of an ego boost. We’d been up pretty late, just messing around
and exploring, being sexual and intimate. She was getting more open with that shit, not as
shy about it all, and had given me a blowjob again. It was the third one, and of course she
still wasn’t the best goddamn person in the world at giving head, but I had to admit I was
sort of glad about it. Because if she was an expert at it, that would indicate she’d likely had
fucking practice like these bitches around school, and I didn’t like even thinking that. I’d
rather have a bit of sloppiness than having to know she’d sucked some other guy’s dick,
that those sweet lips of hers had ever been wrapped around some other motherfucker. I
never wanted her to even see another dick, much less touch one. She was my girl and if I
had anything to do with it, she’d never belong to another man. She’d never be with another
man because she’d never need anyone but me. Shit, just the idea of her talking to another
guy got my blood boiling, and that was fucking hypocritical of me because I’d fucked more
girls than I liked to admit to and talked to half of them still on a daily basis. But that was
me, and those were my mistakes. She was better than that shit.
So after she went down on me last night, and surprisingly swallowed that shit like a champ
again, I decided to return the favor. And it wasn’t that big of a deal, because honestly I
fucking loved doing it anyway. I loved her aroma, her flavor. I’d lick on that pussy all day
long if I could, but I was pretty sure Isabella wouldn’t be too comfortable with my head
between her thighs constantly. I’d been nibbling on her clit, tasting her juices, just fucking
savoring it all. And she was squirming around, moaning and damn near purring, and I
started pushing my fingers inside of her, looking for her spot. I had to admit, I was
surprised at how relaxed she was with me finger fucking her. I thought for sure she’d be
freaked out by any kind of penetration but she thankfully seemed to enjoy it, never gave me
any indication that it made her uncomfortable or she’d rather me not do it. That gave me
hope that I wouldn’t be fucking celibate forever, that some day not too far from now she
might be comfortable enough to let me inside of her. And I wasn’t trying to rush the shit, I
understood she needed time and to be honest, I was kind of enjoying taking shit slow with
her. Made me appreciate it more, and I knew when I finally did get my dick inside of her it
would be the greatest piece of pussy I’d ever experienced, but I didn’t want to push her. I
wanted her to be completely ready when the time came, and honestly I still wasn’t sure if I
was ready. Because I had no idea how to make love to her, how to treat her right in bed and
be what she deserved. I felt like a goddamn virgin, like she was the one popping my cherry.
She knew practically nothing about sex still, besides what I’d shown her, and I was
goddamn worried about disappointing her. I was worried she wouldn’t enjoy it and would
be turned off to the idea forever. Because her view on it was still slightly tainted by what
she’d seen her mother endure, and me hurting her or making sex uncomfortable would
only reaffirm in her mind that sex wasn’t something fun. And I didn’t want that shit to
happen, because I loved goddamn sex and wanted it to be something we could enjoy
together.
But I knew now, because of the progression we’d made, that it wasn’t an ‘if we had sex’
anymore, it was a ‘when we had sex’. And because she was so fucking tight, I decided to
push her slightly farther and use three fingers in her instead of two, trying to loosen her up
a bit because, Christ, I definitely didn’t want to hurt her when we were finally together. And
last nights orgasm hit her hard, harder than the rest, and she fucking slept deeper than I’d
ever seen her sleep. And that shit made me feel good, because I knocked her ass out like
that. It was so stunning how responsive to my touch she was.
So yeah, I was fucking exhausted, barely dragged my ass out of bed this morning. I wanted
nothing more than to snuggle in with her all goddamn day and say to hell with school, but
I’d had that history test today and because of the teacher being an asshole, I knew he
wouldn’t let me make it up later. I could probably spare an F on something here or there,
and last year I wouldn’t have given a shit, but because my future was so up in the air right
now I didn’t want to chance it. Because the truth of the matter was, for the first time ever I
was thinking that going to college sounded almost like the logical next step for me.
I brought my phone up to my ear after I hit the call button, slowly walking toward the
cafeteria. I hadn’t gotten to talk to her this morning before school and I was almost
feigning to at this point. Yeah, I was whipped--I can’t deny that. She had me under her
spell. It rang a few times before her sweet voice came on, telling me to leave a goddamn
message. I’d finally talked her ass into recording her own voicemail message instead of
using that wretched automated shit and was glad she did, but the fact that I was hearing it
right now was quite irritating.
I ended the call, redialing it, assuming maybe she hadn’t gotten to it in time or hadn’t heard
it. I brought the phone back up to my ear and it rang again for a bit before the voicemail
picked up once more. My aggravation was growing, because I was getting a bit worried. She
never ignored my calls, as she’d always answered the first time every single time I called
except for that one time when that James situation happened. I ended that call and dialed
once more, heading toward the cafeteria, contemplating going out and jumping in the car
and driving the fuck home to check on her. The ringing stopped and the phone was picked
up, and I felt my temper flaring involuntarily. I waited for her to say something, fighting
back the urge to fucking yell because she’d scared me, and froze mid-step when my fathers
voice rang out. It was the last goddamn thing I expected to hear on the line, since as of this
morning he was supposedly still in Chicago, and I naturally instantly wondered if maybe I’d
called the wrong goddamn number because it took me by surprise and didn’t make any
sense. So I wondered if maybe I’d dialed his and not Bella’s, but I knew logically that wasn’t
the case because I’d heard her voicemail twice. But I didn’t want to accept the fact that he
just answered her phone, because I didn’t even want to begin to think about what the fuck
that meant.
“I need to see you in my office at the hospital as soon as you get out of school,” he said as
soon as he answered the call. I just stood there, trying to fucking get my mouth to form
words, stunned.
“Uh, okay. I’ll be there,” I said after a moment. He said that he’d see me then and hung up,
and I pulled my phone from my ear and just stared at it with confusion.
I wasn’t sure what the fuck it truly meant, but nothing good could come out of my father
answering Isabella’s phone when I called it. That much I was pretty sure of. I slipped my
phone back into my pocket after a moment and ran my hand through my hair, baffled and
a little nervous. I started toward the cafeteria again, slipping inside the doors and almost
knocking some freshman girl over accidentally as I walked over to the table we always sat
at. My brothers were already there, along with Alice and Rose. They were eating and
chatting, joking around and shit, and just hearing their carefree dispositions irritated me
because this was no goddamn time to be carefree. I was in some shit.
I pulled my chair back and plopped my ass down, looking over at Jasper. His eyes met
mine and his brow furrowed as he noticed my expression. I was starting to panic, nausea
rolling through me, my heart pounding.
“What’s wrong?” he asked right away. I sighed and ran my hands down my face.
“Did you know Dad was coming home today?” I asked, looking at him. He just stared at me,
not having a fucking answer for my question, so I looked over at Emmett, who shrugged.
“I mean, it is his birthday so I’m not exactly surprised. You know if he stayed in Chicago for
that shit Esme would want to make a spectacle of it,” Emmett said. I nodded, the fact that it
was his fucking birthday not even dawning on me until then. Dad never celebrated his
birthday, barely even mentioned it so it always slipped my mind. I never understood why,
because he always made a big deal of Moms when she was alive and they always went all
out for us kids’ birthdays. But something about his irritated him, so he never mentioned
the shit.
“Is that what’s wrong? The fact that we didn’t do anything for his birthday today?” Jasper
asked, staring at me. I shook my head no quickly, running a hand through my hair.
“Naw, I didn’t even fucking realize it was his birthday. Whatever, that shit doesn’t matter.
He doesn’t like to do anything for it anyway,” I said. Jasper nodded.
“So what’s wrong?” he asked. I groaned.
“What’s wrong is he just answered Isabella’s goddamn cell phone and told my ass to be in
his office at the hospital as soon as school let out. That’s the motherfucking problem,” I
said sharply, which was probably fucking wrong of me because it wasn’t any of their faults,
but I was aggravated and confused and pretty fucking frightened as to what it meant.
Jasper’s eyes widened in shock and I glanced around at the other three, noticing they all
had matching expressions. Every single one of those fuckers were gaping at me and giving
me that look that said ‘you’re fucked’. I groaned, slamming my fist against the table, pissed
off that none of them were saying anything to make this shit better, to make sense of it.
And none of it was their fault, of course, but I could’ve used some fucking support at that
moment. Someone to tell me that I was worried for nothing, that I was overreacting and
that I wasn’t fucked. But I didn’t get that, instead I got almost patronizing stares and
Rosalie fucking Hale, confirming out loud the only thing I didn’t want to hear from them.
“You’re fucked,” she said after a second. My head snapped in her direction and I narrowed
my eyes, the anger boiling up.
“You think I don’t know that, bitch?” I snapped. Her eyes narrowed and she slammed her
hands against the table, standing up abruptly and shoving her chair back roughly.
“Fuck you!” she yelled, her words echoing across the cafeteria. I jumped up quickly, my
temper flaring, and my chair flew backwards and tipped over. Everyone around us turned
to gape at us, stunned, and Emmett jumped up quickly.
“Jesus, guys, calm the hell down,” he said pointedly, glancing between his girlfriend and I.
“What the hell is it with you two? Can’t you get along for one fucking second? Why are you
fighting?”
Rose just stared at me, her eyes narrowed, obviously not planning on backing down. Christ,
I didn’t even know why we were fucking yelling at each other anyway, that was just how
Rosalie and I always were. I glared at her for a second, still pissed off, but shrugged because
there was no use in fighting with her now, especially since she was probably right… I was
fucked.
I turned around and grabbed my chair from the ground, sitting it back on its feet. I plopped
my ass back down in it and crossed my arms over my chest. Emmett and Rose sat down
after a second and I glanced around, noticing people were still looking at us, obviously
wondering what the fuck was going on. Eric Yorkie walked by our table at that moment and
glanced down at me, making eye contact. He was giving me a curious expression, being a
nosey little prick, and I cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering what the fuck he thought he
was doing by staring at me.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” I snapped. What had gotten into the people around this
school? They used to almost fear me, and respect me, and now they gaped at me like I was
some goddamn foreign object they were trying to decipher. I hated being disrespected, they
knew that shit.
His eyes widened at my tone and he turned his head quickly, hurrying away. He caught his
foot on a chair and stumbled, nearly falling but catching himself. I smirked—I still had it, I
could still intimidate those little fuckers easily. I hadn’t completely lost my touch at least. I
ran my hand through my hair, shaking my head and chuckling under my breath, and
glanced back at my table to see Alice roll her eyes at me
“What?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion at her expression. She shook her head
and looked almost goddamn disappointed about something for some reason.
“I thought you’d change more,” she said. I stared at her, a bit confused, and Rosalie sighed
down the table. I glanced over at her and saw her roll her eyes also.
“She’s saying you’re still an asshole, girlfriend or no girlfriend,” Rosalie said. I groaned,
shaking my head.
“Whatever, asshole or not, that shit doesn’t matter right now. What does matter is the fact
that I’ve got a real fucking problem here,” I said.
“What exactly did Dad say? What happened?” Jasper asked. I sighed.
“I called Isabella’s cell phone and she didn’t answer. I started to get worried, because she
always fucking answers my calls, ya know? The third time calling Dad fucking answered
and all he said was that he needed to see me in his office after school. I said I’d be there and
he said okay and hung up the phone.” I glanced around the table, hoping they’d have some
fucking clue, but they all looked just as taken aback by it as me.
“It can’t be too bad, I mean, he wants to see you at the hospital. He wouldn’t do anything
bad there, you know that,” Jasper said. I nodded and ran my hand through my hair for like
the millionth fucking time in the past five minutes, getting a little bit of fucking hope from
that but still nervous as hell. Dad thrived upon respect, especially there, so he wouldn’t risk
a big scene there of all places thankfully. There was a brief pause of intense silence, all of
us, deep in though before Emmett gasped. I looked over at him for confusion and saw he
was gaping at me.
“Oh shit, she’s not fucking pregnant is she?” Emmett asked, his eyes wide. My brow
furrowed.
“Who?” I asked, confused about what he was talking about.
“Isabella! You didn’t knock her up did you?” Emmett asked, sounding slightly panicked.
My heart started pounding just at the mention, and even though I knew it was fucking
impossible I started getting goddamn nervous about it.
“Fuck, no. She’s still a goddamn virgin Emmett,” I said sharply, irritated that he’d even
fucking go there, but kept my voice at a hush-whisper so people didn’t overhear. His eyes
widened in surprise at my words.
“Shit, really? I thought for sure you were hitting that, bro,” he said, sounding almost
amused. I groaned and covered my face with my palms, aggravated.
“Well, you fucking thought wrong. She’s not pregnant. And, Christ, even if I was hitting it,
she’s on birth control,” I said, shaking my head.
They all looked oddly stunned by the revelation, but I guess I couldn’t blame them. I was a
little surprised myself that my dad put her on birth control after she first arrived. I was
pretty goddamn grateful for it though, because I’d be lying if I said the though of sex
without the barrier of a condom hadn’t crossed my mind with her.
We were all quiet for a moment. My brain was furiously running through possible
scenarios, and based upon everyone else’s somber demeanor they too were trying to figure
the shit out. I almost felt like an asshole for being pissed off at them for their carefree
attitudes when I first sat down. It was clear every single one of them would go to bat for me
if I needed it, that when it came down to it they had my back. And I’d been a pretty shitty
friend to all of them, especially last year when all that shit went down with Jacob. I
practically forced them to choose sides, and although I was pissed off at Jacob, despised
him, it wasn’t very fucking nice of me to basically demand everyone cut him out of their
lives.
“You think he’s going to confront you about it?” Jasper asked after a long silence. I sighed,
shrugging.
“That’s the only thing that makes sense. I mean, he answered her fucking phone. I knew he
had to know, but the fact that he answered her phone makes me think he’s not just sitting
back and letting it slide anymore. I just don’t know what he’d do about it, ya know? I’m not
expecting his goddamn blessing or anything, but he better not fucking hurt her or try to do
something to her,” I said, worried.
“What if he tries?” Emmett asked quietly. I glanced over at him and saw he had a serious
expression on his face. “What are you going to do? You gonna run with her?”
I stared at him for a second, honestly not even knowing the answer to that question myself.
What would I do if it came down to it? “I don’t know if I can,” I said finally. “He’s had her
chipped like a fucking dog.”
Emmett’s brow furrowed in confusion. “He what?” he asked.
I sighed. “He had a GPS chip implanted in her when he bought her so she couldn’t try to
escape. She told me about it last week,” I said. Emmett stared at me for a moment, shaking
his head.
“Are you sure? Maybe she got it wrong. That doesn’t fucking sound like something dad
would do,” he said. I nodded.
“Yeah well I thought the same thing, figured it had to be some sort of mistake, but he
admitted it to me. Said it was just for safety or whatever, that he’s never even used the code
to look it up. Whatever the fuck that means, I don’t know how they work,” I said with
irritation. I’d tried to find information on the chips ever since learning about them, but of
course they’re still goddamn in development and not supposed to be actually used on
humans. A company called Applied Digital Solutions evidently claimed to have been
successful making them two years ago, but there weren’t any specifics on how the goddamn
things transmitted or how to get them to stop. I knew water tended to block traditional
GPS signals but the body was mainly water, so evidently there was something extra about
these implanted chips. And of course, being in the goddamn Mafia, they’d be able to get
their hands on them illegally and utilize them, even if they aren’t fucking guaranteed to
work or be safe. And that pissed me off, knowing he had her implanted with something that
evidently hasn’t been thoroughly tested. Who knew what the fuck could happen with it, the
complications it could cause.
“Can you feel it under the skin? Maybe it can be cut out?” Alice chimed in with, sounding
both confused and hopeful. I turned to look at her and shook my head.
“Naw, she said it was tiny. She told me where they put it but no luck finding the spot,” I
said. She frowned, giving me a sympathetic look. I turned from her and looked at Emmett
again, hoping he had some fucking wisdom to dispense, because this was Emmett’s area of
expertise. He was into computers and technology.
“Once they’re in, it’s unlikely to get it back out,” he said hesitantly. “The tissue will grow
around it, really embed it in there. I mean, if I knew how it worked I could probably kill the
signal, maybe find a way to deactivate it or at least fuck with it to the point where dad
couldn’t track it. You know I can hack like a motherfucker.”
I nodded. “Yeah, the problem is I dunno how the fuck he tracks it. I didn’t even know he
had access to that shit,” I said. “But if it came down to it and he tried to hurt her or get rid
of her, I’d have to do something. I’d probably have to try to run, at least give it a fucking
shot. I can’t let her get hurt or suffer because she was unlucky enough to fall for a dickhead
like me in a situation like this.”
“Well, if you decide to run, you come to me first. I got your back, you know that. I got my
trust fund, if you need any money it’s yours. If you need someone to cover for you, you
know I will. And I’ll see what I can do about killing the signal on the chip, because that
shit’s not right,” Emmett said seriously. “I’ve always been indifferent about Dad’s work, you
know that. But little Izzy Bizzy’s like a little sister to me now, man. I don’t want either of
you getting hurt.”
I stared at him for a moment, slightly stunned by his outpouring of support, that he’d be
willing to go up against our father for me. I nodded after a second. “Thank you,” I said
seriously.
He nodded and stared at me for a bit before breaking out into a grin. “I told you your ass
was being obvious about the shit. Goddamn lovestruck fool,” he said with amusement. I
rolled my eyes, groaning, and laid my head down on the table. I found nothing about the
situation fucking funny.
They were quiet for the rest of the lunch period and I kept my head down, no longer
fucking tired but feeling worn out. The stress was getting to me, my stomach feeling
queasy. The bell rang to indicate lunch was over after awhile and I picked my head up,
glancing around. Rose gave me a small concerned smile before standing up and walking
away with her tray. Emmett got up and reached over, slapping me on the back quite hard.
“Take it like a man, I’m sure he’ll respect you for it. Maybe it won’t be so bad,” he said. I
sighed and he walked away. I looked over at Alice, who was still sitting across from me, and
saw that she was frowning.
“Is there anything I can do?” she asked. I shook my head.
”Thanks anyway, short stuff. I just gotta face whatever it is he throws at us,” I said. She
nodded.
“I think Emmett’s right, you know. I think your father would respect you if you just came
out with it, admitted it to him,” she said. I smiled lightly, shaking my head.
“And if he doesn’t? What then?” I asked. She just looked at me and I nodded, knowing she
didn’t fucking have the answer to that either. Jasper sighed and I glanced over at him.
“Then you run like a motherfucker,” he said. My eyes widened with shock that he’d cursed,
as he very rarely did that shit. I chuckled, a bit caught off guard, and Alice giggled.
“Yeah, what he said,” she said playfully, nudging Jasper. They stood up and started to walk
away, but Jasper paused. He whispered something to Alice and she nodded, shooting me a
small smile before walking away. Jasper turned and walked the few steps back over to me,
plopping back down in the chair across from me.
“Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica,” he said, smiling. I groaned and dropped my head
back to the table and he started laughing. “Yeah, you remember it. I can still hear her voice
shouting that at us. In life, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Ya know, I told Isabella that
on Halloween when I went up to her room.”
I picked my head back up to look at him and nodded. “She mentioned it,” I said. He smiled
again.
“I told her there were no guarantees, but there were real possibilities. That she could sit
back and merely survive, or she could take a risk and truly try to live. And as hard as it had
to have been for her, she chose to live. And she kissed you that night. I still can’t believe I
walked in and saw that, by the way. The courage that had to have taken. I told her that
night that mom would’ve loved her,” he said. I smiled lightly, nodding.
“Yeah, she would’ve,” I said. “She’s a lot like mom in spirit, I think.”
Jasper nodded. “Do you really think Dad could blame you for loving her? Do you really
think Dad could hate someone Mom would’ve loved?”
I stared at him or a second, unsure of the answer to that. I wanted to say no, he couldn’t,
because Dad cherished Mom and everything about her. But there was still that small part of
me that was afraid because dad could be irrationally and pretty fucking violent.
“Like I told Isabella, there aren’t any guarantees, but there are possibilities. Nella vita - chi
non risica - non rosica,” he said. I nodded, laughing lightly. Of course fucking Jasper would
be the one to whip out Mom’s wisdom on me, as he was the one most like her these days.
“Thanks, man,” I said. He nodded.
“Anytime. If you need anything, I’ve got your back. We all do.” The bell rang, indicating
class started, and he sighed, gazing at me.
“I guess we ought to fucking go to class,” I mumbled, standing up and running my hand

through my hair. He smiled and nodded, standing up. He turned and started walking the
other way through the cafeteria toward his class, and I headed for the exit closest to the
table.
“Edward?” I turned around to see Jasper paused on the other side of the cafeteria, turned
to face me.
“Yeah?”
He hesitated for a moment, obviously considering whether or not to say what he’d intended
to say. “You remember not long ago when you made Rosalie mad by calling her a bitch or
something, and I insinuated that Mom would be disappointed if she saw you?”
I froze, staring at him, slightly stunned he’d bring that back up. I finally nodded, sighing,
remembering that shit clearly.. “Yeah, I remember.”
“I just wanted to say that if Mom could see you now, she’d be proud. Really proud.” He
turned and headed for the exit, opening the door and disappearing out of it. I stood in spot
for a moment, his words echoing through me, unsure if I fucking wanted to believe them
right now but just hearing them making me feel a bit better about the situation. Mom
would be proud.
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, feeling a bit overwhelmed about everything. I
turned after a moment and went out the doors, heading toward my next class. The teacher
gave me a dirty look, aggravated that I was coming into her classroom late without a note,
but of course made no comment. None of them ever really did.
The rest of the school day dragged by slowly. I couldn’t focus on anyone or anything
besides the fact that judgment time was coming the moment that last bell rung, indicating
school was over. It felt like a man on death row, just counting down the goddamn minutes,
knowing he was about to get fucking fried when the final second ticked by but hoping
against hope that he’d get a fucking reprieve. Because that’s exactly what I was hoping for.
A goddamn reprieve, a pass, but I knew the odds of that happening were slim. He knew
about us, and he had her fucking phone. He knew I called her, and sitting there in my last
period class I realized he’d have known it for a while. He paid our fucking cell phone bills,
and because of her being who she was he’d check hers, especially because of that goddamn
Janet woman making suspicious calls. I don’t know why it never dawned on me before, and
I felt like an idiot for not even thinking of it, but he’d have seen I was calling her since the
first time I called her. He would’ve known it then.
I nearly had a fucking panic attack sitting in that classroom, my heart pounding furiously,
my palms sweating. I started to wonder where Isabella was, if she was with him at the
hospital. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he’d already confronted her and wished I
knew what she’d told him. I wanted to know if she’d confirm it right off the fucking bat,
stand up and take whatever it was, or if she’d try to weasel her way out of it. I wish I knew
what the fuck I was supposed to do if he confronted me, because I sure as hell didn’t want
to contradict her story, whatever it may be, because that would only get her into trouble. I
hoped like hell she wouldn’t lie about it if he confronted her, because lying would only
make it worse.
There was another part of me, that pessimistic half glass full part, that worried he’d already
hurt her. That part of me, who had the mental image of her handcuffed and bound to the
bed burned in his brain, was fucking afraid to find out what she was going through because
of me. I never wanted her to get hurt because of me, and logically I knew it was a possibility
for it to happen accidentally, but I’d do everything in my power to make sure it didn’t. I’d
take any amount of fucking pain upon my self, face any type of punishment or torture, if it
meant la mia bella ragazza was safe from it. I just hoped like hell I wasn’t too late, that he
hadn’t already hurt her.
By the time that last shrill bell rang up, I’d worked myself into a goddamn conniption. I
walked slowly out to the parking lot, fighting the urge to run, because I wanted to try to
level myself before I faced my father. I couldn’t show my cards from the get go, I needed to
calm the hell down and be cool about it, be a fucking man and hope he’d act like the same
in return.
I slid into the Volvo and started it up, putting it in reverse and pulling out of my parking
spot. Goddamn Lauren Mallory wasn’t watching what she was doing and damn near rear-
ended me, which pissed me off but successfully distracted me from my internal freak-out
enough for me to start thinking sensibly once again.
I drove to the hospital, obeying the speed limit because the last thing I needed at that point
was a ticket that would only piss my father off, and pulled into the parking lot. Usually I’d
just whip into one of the front spots, disregarding the signs saying they were reserved for
others, but figured I was better safe than sorry today and parked somewhere I was
technically allowed to fucking park. I did pull it in sideways though, taking up more than
one spot, so no one parked near me and hit me. I couldn’t help that shit; I was paranoid
about my car being hurt.
I climbed out and locked the car up before heading for the entrance. I slipped inside and
the woman at the front desk glanced up and said hello to me. I held my hand up and waved
at her nonchalantly, unsure if I could get my goddamn voice to work to even say hello back.
I took a deep breath and hit the elevator button, stepping back and waiting for it. It dinged
after a moment and the doors slid open. I glanced at it and saw the blonde hair and hot
pink scrubs immediately, groaning and rolling my eyes. She looked over and saw me, a
smirk growing on her lips.
“Well lookie who it is, Edward Cullen,” Heidi said. I sighed, running my hand through my
hair.
“What up Heidi,” I said coolly. I hated the bitch, she was nothing but trouble. She was a
goddamn doctor groupie, a gold digger, always looking for a fucking meal ticket. She’d been
chasing after my father for awhile now, trying to get herself a sugar daddy or whatever the
fuck you wanted to call it these days. I was pretty sure my father was probably fucking her
or at least getting head from her based on the way she acted around him, but she was sadly
mistaken if she thought he’d ever take her ass seriously. My father didn’t date, never got
serious with women, and I recognized some day he might find a woman he wanted to be
with like he was with mom, but it sure as fuck wouldn’t be Heidi. He was old enough to be
her goddamn father and she was nowhere near classy enough to fill my mothers shoes. I’d
kill the fucking bitch if she tried anyway.
I slipped by her and into the elevator. She turned to look at me and smiled again. “I met
your girlfriend,” she said. I froze and slammed my hand on the button to stop the elevator
doors from closing, panic surging through me. Not only did she just fucking call her my
girlfriend, which was another fucking sign that my Dad knew since his gossipy little
puttana knew and had a big mouth, but the fact that she met her indicated she really was
fucking here… or at least, she had been.
“Is she upstairs?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at Heidi. She nodded.
“She’s with your father in his office. She came in because she needed her shot, I gave it to
her earlier,” she said shrugging. Her words made a surge of relief flow through me,
knowing at least there was a reason Isabella was here and it wasn’t just my father playing
goddamn games, but it still didn’t tell me why the fuck I was here if we weren’t being called
out for our relationship. Heidi just stared at me, obviously wanting some type of fucking
reaction about the birth control, something she could take and gossip about. I narrowed my
eyes slightly after a second, a bit fucking annoyed.
“Ever heard of goddamn HIPAA laws, Heidi? Because last time I checked, you weren’t
exactly allowed to go running your mouth about patients’ medical procedures. You could
get fired for that shit,” I said.
She shook her head. “HIPAA doesn’t exactly come into play when it technically never
happened. You father wanted it off the record,” she said. I nodded.
“Which is just as fucking illegal, right? What did he do for you in exchange for your help?
Let you suck on his dick?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. Her face clouded over with
irritation and she glared at me.
“Fuck you,” she said under her breath, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.
I smirked, shaking my head.
“I’ll pass. Thanks for the offer though,” I said, winking. Her eyes narrowed and I hit the
button, the elevator doors closing. I chuckled and leaned back against the elevator wall as it
travelled up, my mind at least off of what I was about to potentially walk into for the
moment. The elevator stopped and opened on the floor and I stepped out, heading down
the hall toward his office immediately. A few people spotted me and said hello on my way
there and I mumbled a greeting but didn’t stop to talk, not wanting to annoy my father with
tardiness. He hated anything happening late, he liked to keep a goddamn schedule. And as
I knocked on the door and pushed it open, it fucking dawned on me that if he’d brought
Isabella with him this morning, he would’ve been fucking late for work. He usually left
before I did in the mornings to get here at what he called a ‘decent hour’, which to me was
too goddamn early because he could basically set his own hours in this shithole. She’d been
asleep in my bed when I left, and as I pushed the door open and glanced into the room to
see my father glaring at me with annoyance and her sitting rigid in the chair, I had to
wonder if maybe he’d fucking found her there. If he’d gone looking for her this morning to
bring her to work with him, and found her asleep in my bed instead of her own.
“How many times do we have to go through this Edward Anthony, before you stop walking
into rooms without permission to enter?” he snapped. My anger boiled up at his tone but I
fought back the urge to yell back, trying to keep my cool although I was goddamn panicking
again.
I groaned and let the door close, not very happy that he was yelling from the start. My
hopes for a reprieve were dwindling, as he didn’t seem to be in a very giving mood.
I walked over and sat down in the chair beside Isabella, glad to see she at least was okay
physically. “Eh, I thought I had permission. I mean, shit, you told me to be here,” I said,
trying to sound nonchalant. He stared at me for a moment, not appearing to appreciate my
smartass answer, before shaking his head and telling me to give him my car keys. I tensed
up when he asked for them, fucking confused and trying my hardest not to lash out at him.
He’d threatened to take the car a few times but I never thought he’d actually fucking do it. I
wanted to yell and demand to know what the fuck I’d done to deserve punishment, but I
held back because I didn’t want to know the answer to it, especially if his reasoning sat
right beside me. I didn’t want her to have to hear him calling her a mistake or anything to
cause me punishment, because she’d take that shit hard regardless of how much I’d tell her
otherwise. She didn’t like being a burden and I didn’t think she was one at all; she was a
fucking blessing in my life, and I didn’t want her ever to have to hear differently.
I tried to act like I didn’t hear him about the car keys, which only pissed him off even more.
He spouted off something about us kids acting ignorant, which angered me but spark my
curiosity, as I immediately wondered if Isabella had tried to play something off but failed. I
pulled my keys out of my pocket after a moment, knowing it was useless to fucking argue
about it, and tossed them at him. He stood up and the moment his back was turned I
looked over at Isabella. She seemed a bit on edge and uncomfortable, but she didn’t exactly
look afraid so that alleviated my worry a bit. I reached over and touched her arm, wanting
to know if she knew what the fuck was going on, but she just shrugged.
My father turned back around and gave me the keys to the Mercedes, confusing the hell out
of me. I asked him what he was giving me them for and he spouted off some nonsense
about it being an automatic, like I didn’t fucking know that already. I didn’t understand so
he said something about starting with the Volvo, which confused me even more.
“Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you talking about?” I asked. “You aren’t making any damn
sense.” I didn’t like not knowing what was going on, especially right now when I was
already on goddamn edge.
“Guardi le vostre parole,” he snapped quickly. I shut the fuck up, knowing I’d really pissed
him off since he resorted to chastising me in Italian. “If you’d quit being so defensive, you’d
see I was telling you to teach the girl how to drive.”
It took a second for his words to register, but when they did the fucking excitement
squelched the panic that had up until that point been almost consuming me still. If he
wanted her to learn how to drive a fucking car, he couldn’t be too goddamn pissed off at the
situation. “You’re fucking kidding me?” I said, feeling almost stupid for overreacting so
much all afternoon.
He was a bit irritated at my cursing again, which wasn’t unusual, and cursed in response to
it. I called him out on cursing at me for cursing, just like Isabella calls my ass out for yelling
about yelling, telling him he was a bad role model. He didn’t argue, knowing it was the
goddamn truth, and said I was too good to follow in his footsteps. I knew what he was
getting at and it was kind of nice to hear, as my father never really fucking talked about the
subject much. He never tried to push me toward the mob like others did, he seemed almost
indifferent about the shit, like he didn’t have an opinion on it at all. And I knew he had to
have an opinion, but it was likely he just didn’t feel like it was his place to express it, which
didn’t make any fucking sense because he was my father and he was involved in it, so of
course his opinion mattered on the subject.
I know most people would frown upon organized crime if it had something to do with their
mother’s death, but I never saw the point in blaming the lifestyle itself. The blame fell upon
whoever pulled the goddamn trigger, and I had a feeling my father knew exactly who that
was and why, but he would never tell us. I’ve only brought it up to him once, wanting to
know what was so goddamn bad that they’d kill an innocent woman and almost fucking kill
me at the age of 8. I couldn’t imagine what would cause that, as those motherfuckers
usually always left innocent women and especially children alone, and I sometimes
wondered if maybe Mom had gotten herself into something because they just don’t do that
shit for nothing. And I felt like a dickhead, even allowing myself to shift any of the
responsibility to my mother, but it was the only thing that made even an ounce of fucking
sense. It was either that or my father had killed someone’s wife and it was payback, but my
father told me many times that he’d never kill an innocent woman. He’s never fucking said
‘I’d never kill a woman, period’, so I knew there was a chance he’d killed one before—just
not an innocent one. Whatever he fucking meant by innocent, I wasn’t sure. Had mom
been innocent? Regardless of what it was, she sure as fuck didn’t deserve to die and I
hadn’t done a goddamn thing to deserve to have to witness it. Part of me was glad I didn’t
know what caused that to happen, because if it was something my Dad did I wasn’t sure I’d
be able to forgive him for it, even if he’d done it inadvertently. How can you forgive
someone for inflicting so many years of emotional torture on you, even if they hadn’t
fucking meant for it to happen? That’s a little hard to deal with. I suppose ignorance is bliss
sometimes.
Jasper doesn’t understand how I could even consider joining the Mafia after what it’s done
to our family, but like I said, I can’t blame the lifestyle. If my mother died in a car accident
with a drunk driver, it wouldn’t make me look at cars differently, but it would remind me
that some motherfuckers simply shouldn’t be behind the wheel. Maybe that was a bad way
of looking at it, but it seemed to make sense in my mind. And I’m not saying I want to go
into the organization anymore, I’m just saying my mom dying wouldn’t stop me from
getting behind the wheel of a car.
Was I making any goddamn sense? I wasn’t sure. My mind was still frantically rolling
through things, trying to come to grips with everything, my body trying to come down from
the borderline panic attack I’d almost had.
I rattled off something about looking at what organized crime got him, and how it didn’t
seem so bad, but quickly changed the subject because I wasn’t in the mood to get into a
conversation about it now. “Anyway, so why are we at the fucking hospital? Implanting
more shit, running more genetic tests? Or let me guess, it’s a secret?” I asked, wanting to
get to the fucking point. I knew she was here for a shot according to Heidi but I had no idea
what type of shot it could be and knowing my father, there was no fucking telling.
Isabella glanced at me, appearing stunned, but I just sat there and stared at my father,
wanting to know what he’d say. I knew I was pressing my fucking luck, throwing that at
him, but like Jasper had said-nothing ventured, nothing gained.
“If you must know, Isabella needed her birth control shot. You know, just in case she meets
any guys in town she likes and decides to become intimate,” he said coolly, but the
discontent evident on his face. I felt the anger rising up, because he’d said that shit on
purpose to get a rise out of me, I knew it. He got up and said he had patients to see and
headed for the door, and I called out a quick happy birthday, not wanting to be a
completely horrible son, but half saying it because I knew he didn’t fucking want to hear it.
Okay, so maybe I was a horrible son. Whatever.
I sat still for a moment after he left, letting the fact that I’d just gotten that goddamn pass
I’d been hoping for after all sink in. I glanced over at Isabella and saw she seemed to be in a
daze, staring into space with a curious expression on her face. I reached over and pulled
her to me, pressing my mouth to hers, kissing her deeply, fucking glad that at least for now
we were okay. I pulled back from the kiss and hesitated, nipping at her bottom lip. It was so
plump and juicy, not overly plump like Angelina Jolie or anything, even though that bitch
is kinda hot I guess. But whatever, she had nothing on la mia bella ragazza, with her
beautiful soft full lips. I loved kissing them.
“All mine,” I whispered before kissing her again, softer that time. I pulled back for real after
that and she smiled, running her fingertips across my lips and down my cheek. They were
soft, feather light touches that left tingles in their wake.
“All yours,” she whispered back, her voice full of emotion. I smirked and nodded, loving
hearing that shit, and stood up.
“You know, that really scared the fuck out of me when he answered your phone. All I could
think about was that we were fucking busted. I thought for sure I was going to have to
sucker punch him and grab you and fucking run, GPS be damned,” I said, shaking my head
and running a hand through my hair. I meant that shit too, if it came down to it I would’ve
done it without thinking, and I still would. My brothers would do what they could to give us
a head start at least and try to ward Dad off for a while so we could figure shit out. We’d
find a way to disappear, for sure.
I glanced over at Isabella after a second when she didn’t say anything and saw she was
sitting as still as a statue, staring at the floor near my foot. She had an intense look on her
face, like she was concentrating hard on something. My brow furrowed in confusion and I
glanced down at the floor, trying to figure out what the fuck had her entranced. I glanced
back at her, not seeing anything, and sighed.
“Bella, baby?” I said. She didn’t respond, continued to stare at the floor like it was some
fucking mystery she was desperately trying to solve. I sighed again. “Isabella?” I said,
louder that time. She still didn’t respond and I groaned, taking a step at her. I grabbed her
shoulder and she flinched back from me, startled. She let out a scream as her eyes snapped
to mine and I pulled my hand back quickly, stunned by her reaction. I stared at her with
shock, caught off guard by the fear in her eyes. It faded quickly, her face shifting to an
almost guilty look, and she blinked a few times and shook her head.
“I, uh… sorry,” she mumbled. I stood there and stared at her for a moment before sitting
back down in the chair cautiously.
“What’s going on?” I asked, worried as to why she’d reacted that way. She shook her head
quickly, trying to play the shit off, but I wasn’t stupid. Something was going on. “Don’t do
that to me, Isabella. I know something’s wrong, tell me.”
“It’s nothing, Edward,” she said quickly, shaking her head. She stood up from the chair like
she was about to walk away but I wasn’t done with the conversation. I reached out and
clutched onto her wrist to stop her, keeping her in place. Her eyes widened in surprise
when I grabbed a hold of her and she tried to pull away but I kept my grip.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked, curious as to why the fuck she was lying to me and
keeping something from me, because it was clear as day she was. I didn’t like her keeping
secrets and hiding shit from me. She just stared at me, stunned about being called out.
“It’s uh… it’s just been a tense day, sitting here with your father for hours. It wasn’t exactly
comfortable, I’m a bit on edge,” she said after a second, pulling her arm. I let go of her
wrist, feeling like a dick keeping her there and she took a step backwards. “I didn’t mean to
freak out like that, sorry.” She stared at me intensely and I stared back, trying to find any
sign of trickery, wondering if it was as simple as that shit.
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair after a moment. “Yeah, all right, whatever.
Sorry, I shouldn’t have grabbed a hold of you like that. I just didn’t like the thought of you
keeping secrets from me,” I said. She nodded and smiled lightly, a little forced but I figured
that could just be because my ass just grabbed a hold of her. She couldn’t be too goddamn
happy with me for that.
“Keeping things from you is the last thing I’d ever want to do,” she said softly, a bit of
longing in her voice that confused me. I nodded hesitantly after a second.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” I asked. She nodded. “Did my Dad say
anything today to upset you?”
She sighed and shook her head no hesitantly. “Your father only ever says what he has to,”
she said. I gazed at her, her words sounding slightly cryptic and a part of me wanted to
question her on them, but I decided against it. I realized I was probably just being paranoid
still and didn’t want to push her and piss her off, as what she said was true. I imagined he
barely spoke to her all day, not having anything to say since they likely had nothing in
common. “Anyway, are you ready to go?” she asked.
I nodded and stood up. “I think the better question, tesoro, is if you’re ready,” I said,
smiling and holding up the keys to the Mercedes. Her eyes widened and I saw a flicker of
fear, but mixed in with it was an excitement she couldn’t hide. Seeing her excitement made
me feel it also. “Come on, let’s get this show on the road.”
I turned and headed for the door and she hesitated but started after me. I opened the door
and nodded my head toward it, silently telling her to go ahead. She walked out into the
hallway and paused, and I stepped out and let the door close. I started down the hallway,
wanting to get the hell out of there quickly, and she followed right behind me. I turned the
corner and hit the down button for the elevator, sighing impatiently as it lit up. Isabella
paused beside me and I peeked over at her. She must’ve sensed my eyes because she looked
over at me and smiled, this time genuinely. I smiled in return, winking at her, and watched
in amazement as the beautiful blush crept up into her cheeks. I chuckled and she turned
her head away, trying to shield herself from me from embarrassment. I reached over and
cupped her chin, pulling her head back in my direction.
“Ah, don’t be like that, love. Your blush is molto bella,” I said softly. Her blushed deepened
at my words, a sweet smile enveloping her lips. I chuckled again and the elevator dinged,
the doors opening. I dropped my hand from Isabella quickly and turned to face it when I
spotted the hot pink scrubs and blonde hair again. I groaned, shaking my head.
“Awww look, if it isn’t the two lovebirds together,” Heidi said, smiling mischievously. I
rolled my eyes and she laughed lightly. “You make a cute couple.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I said, keeping my voice quiet but trying to sound convincing, because
we were almost out of there and I didn’t need my dad fucking overhearing now and
stopping us to want to talk about it. Heidi gave me a look that was probably supposed to be
intimidating, but she looked more constipated than anything.
“It was a compliment, dick,” she said quietly, glancing around to make sure no one heard. I
cocked an eyebrow at her, shaking my head.
“Well fucking thanks, but I don’t give a shit what you think,” I said. She narrowed her eyes
and opened her mouth to speak but a voice cleared behind us, causing her mouth to snap
back closed.
“Heidi, I have some blood work that needs taken.” My fathers voice rang out, causing me to
tense up slightly. I glanced behind me and saw he was frowning, glancing between Isabella
and I. The panic started brewing once more at his expression.
“Sure thing, Dr. C,” Heidi said in a forced cheerful voice. She walked past me, her arm
brushing up against me, sending a not-so-pleasant chill ripping down my spine. Isabella’s
brow furrowed as she cut her eyes at me. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair,
shaking my head. I stared at my father, waiting to see what the fuck he was going to say
about it all.
“You kids go on,” he said simply after a second, turning around and walking away. I
watched with surprise as he just fucking disappeared, not even bothering to ask what the
hell that had been about. It wasn’t making much sense to me, his almost blatant ignorance
at the situation. He was an intuitive man, my father could fucking read people easily, so
why the fuck wasn’t he questioning us about the shit?
Isabella walked over and stepped onto the elevator, sighing. I joined her and pushed the
down button, leaning up against the wall as the door started closing. The moment it clicked
shut and we started moving Isabella turned her head to look at me.
“Have you slept with that girl?” she asked hesitantly. My eyes snapped toward her, my eyes
narrowing.
“Fuck no,” I snapped, not liking her asking me that shit. I had no one to blame but myself,
as I was the one who went around fucking all of those girls and couldn’t blame her for
inquiring about them, but I still didn’t like having to address it.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, turning her head away and glaring down at the floor. I sighed,
feeling like an asshole for snapping at her for asking me that. The elevator stopped and the
door opened, and Isabella slipped out of it quickly into the lobby. I followed behind her,
toward the front doors, nearly having to fucking jog to catch up to her fast moving legs.
“Christ, I shouldn’t have just yelled at you, okay?” I said quickly. She sighed and nodded,
stepping off the curb and pausing beside the passenger door to the car. My brow furrowed
in confusion and I stepped off of the curb beside her. “It’s just, I dunno, I think she’s
fucking my father. I don’t like thinking about that shit, but whatever. No, I didn’t sleep with
her.”
Isabella glanced at me with surprise. “Her and your father?” she said. I nodded.
“Yeah, I mean, I dunno if they’re really fucking but I’m pretty sure she’s sucking his dick. I
dunno baby, it’s not a big deal, whatever. She’s just some whore, I try not to dwell on my
father’s sex life, ya know?” I rattled off, not entirely comfortable about the subject. She
looked at me for a moment curiously before nodding.
“Okay,” she said simply. I nodded, appreciating her saying that and dropping it, even
though she knew I fucking hated that word. We stood there silently for a second just
staring at each other, before I cleared my throat.
“Why are you over here? You’re driving,” I said, holding the keys out to her. Her eyes
widened in surprise, her mouth dropping open in shock.
“Now?” she asked, glancing around at our surroundings, a bit of panic shining on her
features. I smiled lightly and nodded.
“Yeah, why not?” I said, jingling the keys as I held them out to her. She glanced at them and
brought her hand out, taking them carefully.
“I, uh… I don’t know what I’m doing Edward,” she said, looking down at them lying in her
palm. I sighed and nodded.
“I know, I’ll walk you through it. See the big black thing with the big ass red button on it?
Push…” I started, but before I could say another word she pushed the fucking red panic
button. The lights started flashing and the horn started blaring, and her eyes went wide
with shock. I shook my head and reached over, hitting the button on it to stop it from going
off. She looked at me with relief and smiled sheepishly, and I chuckled.
“Sorry,” she said softly, blushing. I nodded, realizing this was about to be a complete
fucking disaster if we couldn’t even get the goddamn doors unlocked without a mistake.
“It’s fine. How about we start this shit over, and this time don’t do anything until I tell you,
okay?” I said, raising my eyebrows at her. She nodded, still blushing, and I smiled so she
didn’t think I was fucking annoyed already or anything, although I could feel it brewing
deep down inside of me. I wasn’t a patient person and this was going to take every ounce of
patience I could conjure up. “You see the button with the picture of the opened lock?”
“Yes,” she said, glancing down at it. I nodded.
“Press that mother fucker,” I said. She pressed it carefully and the car unlocked. She
glanced over at me and smiled, and I chuckled at her fucking expression of pride at doing
that shit right. Who knew such satisfaction come could from unlocking a car door? “Now go
get in the drivers side, and don’t touch anything,” I said. She nodded and walked around to
the other side of the car. I opened the passenger side and got in, shutting the door.
She climbed in the driver’s side and shut the door, looking around in confusion. I held back
my laughter at the fact that the seat was so far back that she couldn’t fucking reach
anything, and it was obvious she was racking her brain trying to figure out how the fuck she
was going to drive like that. I reached over after a second and used the controls to adjust
her seat so she could see over the dash and reach the pedals.
She gave me a small smile in appreciation and reached over, grabbing her seatbelt and
putting it on. She glanced over at me, her eyebrows raised questioningly. “Aren’t you, uh,
going to wear your seatbelt?” she asked hesitantly.
“Do I ever wear my seatbelt, Bella?” I asked. She shook her head no hesitantly.
“But I don’t exactly know what I’m doing…” she started. I sighed, shrugging.
“Seriously, driving is a piece of cake, you can’t be that fucking bad at it,” I said. She sighed,
glancing at me with disbelief, but shrugged after a moment.
“Whatever you say,” she mumbled. I nodded.
“Good, that’s right. Whatever I say. And I say you grab the metal part of the black thing and
pull the key out and stick it in the ignition,” I said. She sighed and nodded, doing as I said.
She stuck the key in the ignition and I waited for her to start the car, but she never did. I
sighed impatiently. “Are you going to start the car or what?”
She glanced over at me nervously. “I mean, you didn’t tell me to,” she said. I nodded
tentatively, realizing at that moment that this was going to be a lot fucking harder than I
thought.
“Just turn the key,” I said. She nodded and turned the key forward, the engine roaring to
life, but unfortunately didn’t let go of the key after it kicked on so it kept grinding. “Christ,
Bella, let go of it before you burn the fucking starter up or something!”
She let go of the key quickly, pulling her hand away from it, her eyes wide with fear as she
looked at me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” she said quickly. I sighed, running a hand through
my hair.
“It’s fine, I should’ve fucking told you. I figured you’d know at least that shit,” I said. She
sighed, shaking her head.
“I can count the number of times I road in a car in Phoenix on one hand, Edward. I know
nothing about cars,” she said. I nodded.
“Fine, yeah. I didn’t think about that shit. My bad,” I mumbled. I leaned over, realizing I’d
need to go through the basics that a fucking five year old would be able to tell you, but I
knew I couldn’t blame her because it wasn’t her fucking fault she was so sheltered. It
irritated me though--I couldn’t help it.
“Gas and Brake. Gas to Go, Break to stop. Got it?” She nodded. “Good. R is Reverse to go
backwards, D is Drive to go forward, and P is Park, to fucking park the car. Got it?” I asked,
just pointing out shit she’d find relevant. She nodded. “Side mirrors, rear view mirror, you
just look into the motherfuckers to see what’s behind you and around you so you don’t hit
shit. Got it?”
She glanced around for a second before nodding. “I think so,” she said hesitantly, not
sounding very sure of herself.
“Relax, it’s pretty easy,” I said, shrugging. I pointed out the turning signals to her, told her
how to use them and when to use them, not knowing if she even fucking knew her left from
her right since she didn’t know any goddamn thing else and I didn’t want to ask and maybe
offend her, so I just specified just in case.
“And what about signs?” she asked hesitantly. I sighed.
“Stop at the big ass red octagons that say STOP. And if the stoplight is red, you stop at the
line. If it’s green, you keep going,” I said, shrugging. It was just common sense.
“And if it’s yellow?” she asked. I glanced over at her and smiled.
“If it’s yellow you speed the fuck up so you get through before it’s red,” I said, shrugging.
Her brow furrowed slightly but she nodded.
“Okay,” she said. I sighed and nodded.
“All right then, baby, let’s get the fucking show on the road. Just stay between the yellow
and white line in your lane and we’re good to go. Put this bitch in reverse and back up.”
She reached over and grabbed the gearshift to put it in reverse and pulled on it. Her brow
furrowed and she glanced up at me with confusion. I sighed, realizing I hadn’t fucking told
her how to do it. “You gotta hold the brake down with your foot, and push the button down
on the gear shift to move it,” I said. She nodded and did what I said, successfully putting it
in reverse. “Good, now take your foot off of the brake, hit the gas and steer.”
She sighed and took her foot off of the brake, taking a deep breath before hitting the gas.
The car jolted backwards quickly as she fucking accidentally floored it. She started turning
the steering wheel and whipped us around, nearly running the backend up on the sidewalk
coming out of the hospital and coming damn close to hitting a sign. She slammed the brake
hard and we were jolted to a stop abruptly.
“Jesus Christ, Bella, I said hit the gas, not fucking floor it!” I said, clutching onto the
goddamn seat tightly. She looked over at me, the fear evident in her eyes. “Just press them
lightly, okay?” I said, trying to calm down and speak softly so not to panic her anymore
than she was obviously already panicking.
She nodded and reached down, putting the car in drive. She let go of the brake and pressed
the gas lightly and we started forward through the parking lot. She hit the stop sign at the
end of the parking lot and hit the brake a bit hard, jolting us again, but it wasn’t as bad as
the first time at least. She stayed there for a moment, looking back and forth, and I started
to grow impatient wondering why she wasn’t fucking going anywhere. There weren’t any
goddamn cars on the road.
“If there’s nothing fucking coming, you can go. You don’t have to sit here,” I said. She
sighed, glancing over at me.
“And where exactly am I going, Edward?” she asked, sounding slightly irritated. I stared at
her for a second before smiling lightly. She was fucking waiting on my instructions.
“That way,” I said, pointing left. She nodded.
“So, left,” she said, still sounding irritated. She turned on the left turning signal
immediately and glanced both ways before pressing the gas and turning out onto the road.
She got into her lane and her hands were trembling against the steering wheel, but she was
keeping it steady for the most part. She looked really fucking nervous though, and that
made me nervous.
We neared the stoplight and it turned yellow about 100 feet back. Common sense made me
expect her to hit the brakes, because it would definitely be red before she could go through
it, but of course I hadn’t fucking spoke logical to her so she didn’t think that way. She
slammed the goddamn gas, sending me flying back in my seat, and ran straight through
that motherfucker after it had turned red at damn near double the speed limit.
“You just ran a goddamn red light Isabella! Red means stop, didn’t you not fucking hear
that part?! Do you not understand English?” I snapped, stunned. She let out an irritated
noise that sounded awfully fucking close to a growl and cut her eyes at me briefly.
“You said to hit the gas when it was yellow. So that’s what I did,” she said sharply, very
obviously flustered.
I groaned, shaking my head. “Yeah, if you can fucking make it through, which you very
obviously couldn’t there,” I snapped.
“How was I supposed to know?” she yelled. The sound of her raised voice caused my
temper to flare and my hand balled up in a fist involuntarily. I reached up and punched the
dash in front of me, groaning.
“You’re just supposed to fucking know,” I snapped, having no good answer for her question
because when it came down to it, how was she supposed to know that shit? She glanced
over at me, a bit of fright and apprehension in her eyes. I looked at her for a moment,
feeling like an asshole for snapping at her when it wasn’t really her fault, and glanced up
out of the windshield in enough time to see to see her heading straight for a fucking
mailbox. “Fuck!” I yelled, reaching over and grabbing the wheel. I turned it sharply and the
car jolted, the side mirror clipping the mailbox but thankfully not knocking it down.
Isabella slammed on the breaks, the car skidding to a stop quickly on the side of the road. I
continued to hold onto the steering wheel as she held the brake, fucking hoping it hadn’t
left a mark on my fathers car because the last thing I needed was for him to try to punish
her and me have to intervene. I’d gotten one fucking reprieve today, I doubted I’d be
getting another one if it came down to it.
“I, uh…” she started. I let go of the steering wheel and held my hand up to silence her,
shaking my head.
“Just, don’t even bother. It’s fine, my fault. Whatever. Let’s just see if we can try this again.
I’ll sit here and shut the fuck up and quit distracting you, and you just pay attention to the
road. Okay?” I asked, trying to keep my voice level. I knew I was going about this shit
wrong but just like with her reading, I didn’t know how to fucking teach her. She should
know this shit, and it wasn’t her fault she didn’t, but how the fuck do you teach someone
something that just feels like common sense to you?
“Okay,” she said quietly. I nodded and reached over, grabbing my fucking seatbelt and
putting it on quickly. She looked at me with surprise and I smiled sheepishly before waving
my hand, silently telling her to go. She let off the brake and touched the gas, pulling back
into the lane and going forward again. She came to a yield sign and it struck me at that
moment that I hadn’t told her what the fuck a yield sign meant. I opened my mouth to
speak but I was too late, because she blew right through that motherfucker without even
slowing down. I yelled out some profanities as tire screeching rang out. Isabella screamed
and slammed on the brakes, which was the last goddamn thing she needed to be doing
when she just cut a fucking car off, so I screamed and told her to hit the gas. Her head
snapped in my direction, the panic clear as fucking day in her eyes, and she slammed the
gas. The car jolted forward and she turned her attention back to the road, clutching the
steering wheel tightly. I stared at her with shock, watching as her body started trembling
and her eyes welled up with tears. She was fucking scared, and she was trying to fight the
shit back, and I felt bad immediately because I knew a good potion of it was my fault.
Because a goddamn driving lesson shouldn’t be this fucking dramatic, even with someone
who knew nothing about driving at all.
“Pull into the parking lot to the right,” I said softly as we neared the grocery store. She
turned on her turning signal and pulled into the parking lot, hitting the brakes so the car
skidded to a stop crookedly across some parking spots. I reached over and grabbed the
gearshift, pressing the button and putting the car into park. “You can let off the brake,
baby.”
She looked at me hesitantly and did what I said. She was still gripping the steering wheel
tightly, so tight I could’ve sworn she was bending that motherfucker, and her body was still
shaking. I reached over and rubbed her arm lightly, sighing. “You okay?”
She nodded but as she did a tear escaped that she’d been trying to hold back and slid down
her cheek. She let go of the steering wheel quickly and reached up, wiping her tear away.
“I’m fine,” she whispered, her voice shaking. I sighed and undid my seatbelt, leaning over
and wrapping my arms around her. I reached down and undid her seatbelt, pulling her
toward me.
“I just made that a lot harder than it should’ve been, I’m sorry,” I mumbled. She let go of
the steering wheel completely and leaned into me so I could hold her. She nodded against
me but didn’t speak. I could feel her body shaking in my arms, as she’d very obviously been
terrified, and I really couldn’t fucking blame her. It had to be overwhelming, just being
thrown into that shit. I remember the anxiety even I felt when I first got behind the wheel
and I was used to cars, knew exactly what the fuck I was doing and still got a little nervous
actually doing it.
“You want me to drive home? I think one of my brothers would be better at teaching you
this shit,” I said, sighing. She pulled back quickly, her brow furrowed.
“Why do I even have to learn, anyway?” she asked. I looked at her with surprise briefly
before shrugging.
“So you can get around on your own, not have to rely on one of us to constantly drive you,”
I said. Her brow furrowed even more.
“He’s going to let me go into public on my own?” she asked with confusion. I shrugged.
“I guess. I mean, you gotta go to the grocery store and shit, right?” I said, pointing at the
store in front of us. “And I don’t mind going with you, but it’ll just be a lot fucking easier if
you have the ability to go on your own on your time, ya know? And plus, it’s a nice skill to
have, one you’ll appreciate when I get you out of this situation and we’re free from this
bullshit.”
She stared at me for a moment, a curious expression on her face. “Free?” she asked softly,
reaching her hand up and rubbing my cheek lightly. A small smile came upon her lips as
she gazed at me, her eyes welling up with tears again. I smiled and nodded, leaning forward
and kissing her softly.
“Yes, free. You and me together, no matter what it takes,” I mumbled against her mouth.
She returned the kiss sweetly, her fingertips rubbing the stubble on my face.
“I love you, Edward,” she said as she pulled back. I smiled, nodding.
“And I love you. Ti amo, la mia bella ragazza. Sempre,” I said. Her smile grew, a tear sliding
down her cheek. I was making her cry again, but at least this time it was happy tears.
“Sempre,” she whispered, nodding. She leaned forward again and I pressed my lips to hers,
kissing her passionately, my tongue plunging into her mouth. She pulled away, breathless
after a moment, blushing. “But I don’t want anyone else to teach me how to drive, I want it
to be you.”
I chuckled lightly. “I must be a damn good kisser for you to fucking forget about the
disaster of a teaching job I just did,” I said playfully. She laughed, shaking her head.
“We’re learning together, remember? You said we’d figure everything out together and I
have faith we will, so I think driving should be no different,” she said. I smiled, her words
causing the love I felt for her to swell, the fact that she wanted no one but me to do
anything with her touching me. Because I wanted to be by her side every step of the way, no
matter how difficult. We were both survivors, and we’d survive this fucked up situation we
were in, and something as petty as driving a fucking car wasn’t going to be an exception. If
she can survive captivity and slavery, and I can survive nearly fucking dying and losing my
mother, then together there was no fucking reason we couldn’t survive a goddamn driving
lesson.
“Okay then. Clean slate, let’s start this shit over. First of all, when you come to a yellow
light, slow the fuck down and stop. Better safe than sorry, ya know…”
*****
Ti amo=I love you

La mia bella ragazza=my beautiful girl
sempre=always
tesoro=treasure
Guardi le vostre parole=watch your mouth
Chapter 44 I Believe
“I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be
free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.” --
Henry Louis Mencken
I opened the refrigerator door and sighed, glancing around. After the day I had I wanted
nothing more than to just go upstairs and go to sleep, completely forget today happened at
all, but it simply wasn’t possible. It was already a few minutes past six pm and Dr. Cullen
would be home by seven, expecting dinner on the table and a clean house. I’d been gone all
day so nothing got done and it didn’t help that I hadn’t been able to pull anything out for
dinner, so I was attempting to wing it. The fact that it was Dr. Cullen’s birthday made me
even more anxious about it and I wanted to make everything perfect, despite the reality
that he didn’t even want his birthday acknowledged.
Learning to drive had been one of the most startling experiences of my life. I don’t think
Edward truly grasped how overwhelming it had been for me. For the first time in my life,
someone handed control over to me. And it was so minor, since all they’d actually done was
allow me to drive a car at their direction, but nonetheless they’d given me a small snippet of
authority. I was in charge of something that wasn’t a vacuum cleaner or a washing
machine, in charge of something powerful and expensive, as they’d given me a bit of
control over something completely unnecessary for me. And for the first time in my life,
someone else was at my mercy, and it was simply Edward but I don’t think he grasped the
fact that his life had been in my hands. I could’ve caused him great harm, and I never
would but it showed me that I was truly trusted. He told me all the time that he trusted me
and I never doubted him, but he showed me it today and that meant more to me than he
could ever truly understand.
The driving lesson itself had started horribly, because Edward by nature was impatient and
I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I knew nothing about cars and was almost
ashamed to admit I’d barely paid attention to how Edward drove, or even Dr. Cullen for
that matter, so I never really grasped the mechanics of it. I knew he’d been irritated at the
situation and had given me vague instructions, which in turn only ended up aggravating us
both. And I made plenty of mistakes unintentionally, simply trying to follow what he told
me, and nearly wrecked the car a few times. At one point I did clip a mailbox, and would’ve
taken it out completely had Edward not reacted so quickly. It could’ve been a disaster, and
still might potentially because there was a mark on Dr. Cullen’s side mirror from where it
hit. I wasn’t sure how Dr. Cullen was going to take that, if he’d be angry enough to want to
punish me. It had been his doing somewhat, as he’s the one that declared I was going to
learn to drive for whatever reason, so Edward claimed that it wouldn’t be a big deal. But I
myself wasn’t so sure, as Dr. Cullen wasn’t always the most logical man. He’d punished me
for something that wasn’t entire my fault back in October, a situation he helped create, so I
recognized it was possible that the mark on his car could potentially warrant another
punishment. Maybe he’d view it as me disrespecting his property, or maybe he wouldn’t
even try to justify his reasoning. After all, he didn’t have to.
After the initial bumpiness of the driving lesson, after Edward snapped at me a few times
and I apparently ‘nearly fucking killed him or gave him a coronary, or both’ as he later put
it, things went a bit smoother. I think it had something to do with the fact that I’d started
crying, the pressure and fear getting to be too much and cracking me. I could tell he felt
bad, and he kept apologizing but I assured him it was fine. I knew how he was, how he lost
his temper and lacked patience, and I didn’t like it but I dealt with it. He dealt with my
incompetence at things that he viewed as common sense, and I dealt with his inability to
keep himself composed all the time. And thankfully, after we both calmed down in the
parking lot of the grocery store and he was able to explain things rationally, we didn’t have
any major mishaps. He made me circle town a few times and it made me nervous at first
but I started relaxing finally, growing slightly more comfortable behind the wheel.
But any happiness or pride I’d normally likely have from such an accomplishment, which
to someone like me should be a big deal, was unfortunately overshadowed by the earlier
events of the day. Because Dr. Cullen’s words sitting in his office kept infiltrating my
thoughts, echoing in my mind like a song on repeat.
…my son will be quite persuasive… growing impatient…

…you’re going to want to follow him blindly…
…digging himself in deep… running is only going to get someone hurt…
…can’t let him fall victim to it…
…I need your help…
…I will track you down and I will kill you… I can’t allow my son to get hurt…
…secrets that could get him killed… things that I didn’t even know…
…deadly consequences when people go snooping around…
…secrets all revolve around you…
…doesn’t grasp the seriousness of throwing his life away…
…expecting me to just hand my son over to them…
…You’re saving him in ways I’ve failed him…
…trying to save him from something he doesn’t realize he needs saving from…
…a way for us all to be saved where someone doesn’t have to be sacrificed…
Over and over again it replayed in my head, my mind trying to make some sense out of it
that up until this point still didn’t register. I didn’t doubt Dr. Cullen’s words at all, as I
could tell based on his tone and seriousness that he meant all of it and his son’s life didn’t
strike me as a subject he’d use to manipulate me. Dr. Cullen clearly loved all three of his
sons and the worry was evident in his words… the problem was, I simply didn’t understand
it. I guess that’s not surprising, considering Dr. Cullen had straight out said he didn’t
expect me to understand since he wouldn’t elaborate, but he did expect me to obey him.
And that was difficult, because I still wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to be doing
to help him, how I was going to get Edward to back off without giving away the
conversation Dr. Cullen and I had. I wasn’t even entirely sure how much of that
conversation I was expected to keep a secret, if I could tell him any of it. I recognized by
this point Edward knew me quite well, and could read my moods easily, so keeping secrets
from him wasn’t going to be easy. I perfected the art of elusiveness, of evasion and secrecy
while growing up in the Swan household, as those characteristics were what kept someone
like myself out of trouble and alive. But it was different with Edward, for the first time in
my life someone truly knew me—all of me. And now I was going to have to close part of me
off again, for his safety, and that bothered me immensely. The worst part, however, was not
even knowing exactly why I was doing it.
What was so dangerous about it all that could potentially get Edward hurt? And who would
be hurting him? As much as it frightened me to hear it, I couldn’t blame Dr. Cullen for
admitting to me that he’d kill me before he allowed his son to be hurt, because if it came
down to it I’d rather die than Edward be hurt because of me. But the problem lied within
the fact that I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was about me that could get Edward
hurt by digging, unless it was Dr. Cullen that did the hurting. I couldn’t even fathom him
ever hurting his own child, though, as he was clearly trying to keep his son safe and not
bring harm upon him. But the fact of the matter was, I really wasn’t anyone special. I was
nothing but a 16-year-old slave child, and I’d never been anything but a slave child. I may
have a father that has ties to organized crime, but he refused to even acknowledge me. He
felt such little for me that he’d easily and happily sell me for cash, not caring what
happened to me, or what I was wanted for. That was clear when he even alluded to taking
me to the auction, selling me off as a sexual slave because the price tag would be better
there. And my mother was nothing but a slave herself, had been a slave child like me, and
these days was nothing more than an involuntary goomah, as Edward had explained to me.
I didn’t even technically exist within the world, so I didn’t honestly matter to anyone
outside of this house. So how could Edward asking questions or digging ever bring harm
upon him? I was no one; therefore there should be no reason for anyone to ever get hurt
inquiring about me. So what in the world could the secret be?
I thought maybe it was just because I was a slave, that he felt I wasn’t good enough for
Edward because of it. And sometimes I still felt that way myself even though Edward had a
way of making me feel worthy and beautiful. But the more Dr. Cullen’s words rolled around
in my head, the more it seemed like it was bigger than that. If it was just because I was a
slave, there would be no incentive for him to allow us to continue what we were doing. I
was a bit stunned that he’d said that, that he’d allow us to continue having a relationship as
long as we didn’t flaunt it in front of him. So it couldn’t be just him with the issue with it, as
he almost seemed to not have a problem with it personally. It was more so some outside
force, something that was still a mystery to me, that could potentially cause us all harm if
Edward started trying to dig up information about me. But what information could he
possibly ever find? There was nothing…
I was baffled. And I was even more confused on how to approach the situation, how to
diffuse his curiosity and get him to stop whatever it was he was doing without exposing my
motives and making him even more suspicious. I needed to find a middle ground between
honesty and dishonesty… find a way to tell him the truth and make him understand
something that even I myself didn’t understand, but still shield him from the extent of it,
that which I too didn’t even get. But how does one do that?
I didn’t want him to think I was giving up hope, although the more Dr. Cullen’s words sank
in the more my newfound hope started wavering. Because if Dr. Cullen couldn’t come up
with a way for us to all get out of whatever this situation was without someone being hurt
and he knew all of the facts, how did I ever expect for Edward and I to figure it all out and
be okay?
In the car, when he’d mentioned us being ‘free’ together, it had impacted me hard. I felt the
most intense longing for freedom I’d ever felt in my life when he said it, and I wasn’t even
quite sure what freedom exactly meant for me. But I wanted it, whatever it was; I wanted so
desperately to find it with Edward and us be okay together. I wasn’t sure it was possible
now though and that struck me hard, as it was hard to accept after finally allowing myself
to truly hope for once. I resolved at that moment to not take a single moment with him for
granted, no matter how infuriating he could sometimes be or how difficult things could get,
because I couldn’t know for sure how long it would last. I’d do everything I could to help
diffuse the situation, so Dr. Cullen didn’t step in anytime soon and try to break us apart,
but I just simply didn’t know how to do it.
How do you stop someone from crossing an invisible line when you can’t see it and have no
way of knowing where that line was, and how do you get them to understand and stay
stagnant without explaining at all why they need to stay where they are? Even worse, how
do you get someone as unpredictable and irrational as Edward to do it?
I jumped and yelped when an arm snaked around my waist, turning around quickly to see
Edward standing there behind me. He looked at me with confusion, obviously unsure of my
reaction, but I’d been so lost in thought that I hadn’t even heard him approach. I gave him
a small smile, my heart starting to pound erratically in my chest at the sight of him. He’d
just gotten out of the shower, his hair darkened to an almost brown color because of the
dampness and was standing up all over the place from running his fingers through it
already. He wasn’t wearing anything but a pair of loose-fitting jeans, which were falling
down slightly and exposing a pair of black boxers. He was bare-footed and bare-chested,
and utterly stunning. I could smell him strongly, the mixture of his shampoo and soap and
natural sunshiny scent intoxicating my senses.
He smiled and leaned forward, pressing his mouth against mine. I parted my lips and let
out a soft moan when his tongue came into my mouth and started slowly mingling with
mine. He tasted minty from his toothpaste and there was another slight bitter taste that
surprised me. I pulled back from the kiss after a moment, my brow furrowing in confusion.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked curiously. The bitterness tasted almost exactly like that
clear strong alcohol he kept locked in that drawer in his bedroom. He looked almost
shocked by my question and blinked a few times before smiling sheepishly. His expression
was the only answer I needed, as it was clear I’d been right in my assumption, and I shook
my head, smiling. I turned back around toward the fridge and Edward chuckled, wrapping
his arms around my waist and pulling me back into him. I gazed into the refrigerator once
more and Edward pushed my hair aside, nuzzling into my neck. My eyes drifted closed
involuntarily when I felt his wet lips and tongue come into contact with my skin, his chaotic
damp hair brushing against my cheek and ear. It was cold and tickled, causing a shiver to
rip through my body. Edward chuckled again and pulled his mouth from my neck.
“Let’s get drunk tonight, tesoro, just me and you,” he mumbled. My brow furrowed and I
glanced at him.
“Why?” I asked. He shrugged.
“Hell, I don’t know, because it’s Friday? Does one really need a reason to get drunk? I think
it would be fun. And I promise to be a perfect gentleman,” he said, leaning back down and
pressing a kiss against my skin again. I felt his teeth nip at the nape of my neck and
moaned impulsively. I was stunned at the reaction within my body he ignited when he
playfully bit me, as I never before imagined something like that could feel good. But it did,
and he’d been doing it more and more over the past week or so. “Well, fuck. Maybe not a
perfect gentleman.”
I laughed lightly, shaking my head. “Whatever you say,” I mumbled. He sighed and pressed
one more soft kiss on my neck before straightening up.
“You know, we do have air conditioning,” he said. My brow furrowed in confusion and I
glanced at him, unsure of what he was talking about. He saw my expression and smiled
lightly. “I mean, you’ve had that damn fridge door open for so long I thought maybe you
were trying to cool the kitchen down or something, letting all the goddamn cold air out.”
I rolled my eyes playfully and looked back at the refrigerator, smiling. “I’m thinking about
dinner,” I said. He hummed in response, nodding.
“Whatcha making? Because I’m starved,” he said, pulling his arms from around me. He
walked over and opened a cabinet, grabbing a glass out. He turned around toward me and I
reached out, taking the glass from his hand. He looked at me with confusion for a second
before shrugging.
“I don’t know, what are you hungry for?” I asked. I opened up the fridge and grabbed the
jar of cherries and the coke, sitting them on the counter. Edward hummed in response and
I looked over at him, finding him leaned against the counter with his arms crossed over his
chest.
His eyes raked down my body briefly and he smirked. “You,” he said playfully. I rolled my
eyes, feeling the blush creeping into my face.
“Exactly how much did you have to drink, Edward?” I asked as I started mixing together a
cherry coke for him. He laughed, shaking his head.
“I’m not drunk, tesoro, I barely took a sip. Naw, my desire for you is natural and not
chemically induced,” he said. I smiled and picked up the cherry coke, handing it out to him.
He took it carefully and took a sip, his smirk growing. “Thank you. I swear, you are entirely
too fucking good to me. I don’t deserve it.”
I shrugged. “You can make it up to me later,” I said playfully. He chuckled and wrapped
one of his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. He sat his cherry coke down on the
counter and wrapped his other arm around me, holding me tightly. After a second his hand
drifted down and came to rest on my backside and he squeezed my butt lightly.
“If you wanna go upstairs, I’ll make it up to you right now,” he whispered. My blush
deepened and I smiled, pulling away from him and shaking my head.
“I have dinner to make. Your dad will be home soon, I haven’t got that long,” I said. He
sighed, shrugging.
“Fuck him. He probably won’t even eat with us tonight, you know. It’s his birthday and he’s
always pissy on his birthday.” Edward said. I sighed, nodding.
“Regardless, dinner’s supposed to be ready at seven, which means I only have like thirty
minutes to throw something together,” I said, opening the fridge and returning the stuff I’d
pulled out to make his drink. I opened the freezer and pulled out some Italian sausage,
walking over and sticking it in the microwave to thaw it out. I started pushing buttons,
about to start defrosting it, when Edward’s hand shot over and grabbed a hold of mine,
stopping me. I looked at him with confusion and he opened the microwave door, grabbing
the sausage back out. He walked over and opened the freezer, tossing it back inside roughly
and shutting the door. I stood frozen in spot, stunned that he’d do that to me.
“What are you doing, Edward? I need to make dinner. You’re going to get me in trouble,” I
said, walking over and opening the freezer door again, huffing. Before I could reach inside
for the sausage again Edward’s hand shot out and he pushed the door closed on me. I
narrowed my eyes at him, irritated that he was doing this to me. He sighed and reached
into his pocket, pulling his phone out. He started scrolling through it and brought it up to
his ear after a second. “What—“ I started, confused, but he just held his hand up to me,
silently telling me to be quiet.
“Hey, is pizza cool for dinner?” he asked as soon as the person on the line picked up. I
watched him with surprise and he smiled. “Yeah, alright. Good, thanks. Bye.”
He hung up and slipped the phone back in his pocket. “There, dinner’s done,” he said
smugly. I just stared at him for a second, slightly taken aback. He was staring at me
expectantly, looking quite pleased with himself and obviously awaiting some type of
response from me.
“We’re still not going upstairs,” I said after a second, annoyed. His smirk grew and he
started laughing, shaking his head. He reached over and grabbed a hold of me, pulling me
to him and hugging me tightly.
“Fair enough, but I really do wanna get drunk tonight. Like, fucking wasted,” he said,
pulling away from me and grabbing his cherry coke. He tipped it back and chugged roughly
half of it, pulling it from his lips and glancing at it. He reached in his glass after a moment
and pulled a cherry out by the stem that was sticking up. He brought it up to my lips,
smirking. “Want a cherry, tesoro?” he asked in a husky whisper.
I smiled and opened my mouth, bringing the cherry in between my lips. I bit it off and his
smirk grew. He started leaning forward when a car pulled up outside. He glanced out the
window quickly before leaning the rest of the way forward. He brought his tongue out and
licked my bottom lip before kissing my mouth softly, sweetly. I moaned and stared at him
when he pulled away, stunned by how intense and erotic the little exchange was. The front
door opened and he laughed lightly at my expression, shaking his head. I heard Jasper and
Emmett’s voices right away and turned around, coming face-to-face with them both. They
froze in the doorway, glancing between Edward and I, concerned expressions on their
faces. My brow furrowed as I watched them, unsure of why they appeared so upset, and I
started chewing up the cherry in my mouth.
“Everything okay?” Emmett asked Edward, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I felt
Edward’s hands come to my hips and he pulled me back to him.
“Yeah,” Edward said. “It’s cool.”
Emmett nodded, the relief evident on his face. It confused me and I glanced over at Jasper
to see a similar expression. He caught my eyes on him and smiled lightly at me.
“Hey, Izzy Bizzy, can you do me a favor?” Emmett asked after a second. I broke eye contact
with Jasper and looked back over at Emmett, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
“Of course,” I said, curious as to what he’d want. He nodded.
“Can I see your back where my father had you chipped?” he asked. I froze, my eyes going
wide with shock, stunned that he even knew about that. I didn’t know what to say, and just
stood there, gaping at him. Edward must’ve felt my tension because he sighed, pulling me
to him tighter and kissing the top of my head.
“I told Emmett about it today at lunch, after Dad answered your phone. I was freaking out
a bit, thinking he was going to try to come between us,” Edward said. I sighed and nodded,
not entirely surprised that Edward would overreact. Could I even call it an overreaction,
though? After all, I’d been almost certain he was going to murder me.
“I mean, you can look if you want but Edward said you can’t see anything,” I mumbled,
unsure of why he wanted to look at the spot. Edward had seen my naked back a few times
this past week and asked me where the chip was placed, informing me that there weren’t
any marks that stood out as being from something implanted. I had small scars all over my
back though, so adding another to it wouldn’t stand out at all.
Emmett nodded, smiling, and Edward pulled on me to turn me around so I was facing him.
Emmett walked over and I tensed up slightly when I felt him grab the hemline of my shirt.
He was harmless, I knew that, but it was still slightly uncomfortable. He pulled my shirt up
in the back and Edward held on to me, I assume in an attempt to make me comfortable so
I’d relax. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against Edward. He sighed and brought his
hand up to my head, stroking my hair softly. I could feel Emmett’s calloused fingertips as
they grazed the skin on my back. He sighed after a moment and dropped my shirt, and I
opened my eyes. I waited for Emmett to say something about my scars, feeling self-
conscious since he’d seen them, but he didn’t.
“I’m gonna see what I can dig up,” Emmett said. My brow furrowed and I turned back
around, glancing at him with confusion. He was looking at Edward and I turned my head to
see Edward nod.
“What are you digging for?” I asked. Emmett smiled.
“Information about the microchips, see about jamming the signal or deactivating it just in
case,” he said. My eyes widened with shock, panic coursing through me. This wasn’t good
at all, I was having a hard enough time trying to figure out how to diffuse Edward’s
curiosity, and now he’s dragged his brother into it.
“I, uh… I don’t know…” I started, unsure of what to say, but there was no way I could let
another one of the Cullen boys get sucked into this situation. Dr. Cullen surely wouldn’t
stand for that if he found out.
“Relax, kitten. I’ve got the shit handled, no big deal,” he said, shrugging nonchalantly. “You
worry too much.” I just stared at him and Edward cleared his throat.
“Thanks, man. For everything. Both of you,” Edward said, his tone serious. Emmett and
Jasper both nodded, waving him off like it was no big deal, but the fact of the matter was it
was a big deal. They were being brought into a dangerous situation and it immediately
worried me. I didn’t want any of them to get hurt because of whatever secret it was that Dr.
Cullen had about me.
“So, really, what is going on?” Jasper asked. “Why’d he call you to the hospital?”
I glanced behind me at Edward and he cut his eyes at me, smiling. “He just wanted me to
pick her up, I guess,” he said, shrugging. Jasper nodded, like he understood, but Emmett’s
eyes narrowed slightly as he gazed at his brother suspiciously.
“Wait… where the fuck is your car?” Emmett said. “I just realized Dad’s Mercedes is out
there.”
Edward’s smile grew. “We traded vehicles so Isabella could learn how to drive,” he said.
The boys seemed shocked for a moment before both broke into smiles.
“She drove?” Jasper asked. Edward nodded and Jasper’s smile grew. “Awesome!”
Emmett laughed, walking past us. “I’ll be damned, and the car is still in one piece,” he said
jokingly. He froze at the window and stared at the black car in the driveway, shaking his
head. “Okay, well, not completely unscathed. You obviously clipped something.”
Edward and I both sighed at the same time. “It was a mailbox. And it was my fault, I was
freaking her out. I’m not exactly the most patient fucking person on the planet, ya know?”
Edward said. Emmett laughed, nodding, and Jasper shook his head.
“I’m glad y’all didn’t get railed on,” Emmett said. “I can’t figure out why would Dad ask you
of all people to teach her, though. Did he want his car destroyed? I mean, that’s just asking
for disaster.”
Edward nodded, squeezing me back to him tighter. “Yeah, I just threw her into the shit at
first. I’m lucky as hell she didn’t kill me, running fucking red lights and stop signs.” He
chuckled and my brow furrowed.
“Hey, I didn’t run any stop signs,” I said, slightly defensively. I may not have done that well
at the start, but I was smart enough to know stop means stop. Edward groaned and the
other two laughed.
“Stop sign, yield sign, same fucking difference. I mean, they both mean slow the hell down
in case something’s coming, which you clearly didn’t do,” he said. I rolled my eyes, shaking
my head.
“There is a difference, though. One you stop at no matter what, the other one you slow
down and prepare to stop in case something’s coming. Right?” I asked. He sighed and
nuzzled into my neck, placing a light kiss against my skin, not even bothering to answer my
question because I was right. I smiled and Emmett laughed.
“Yeah, definitely a disaster,” Emmett said.
“What if that was the point?” Jasper asked, his voice quiet. I glanced over at him, unsure of
what he meant, and saw he was frowning. Edward and Emmett glanced over at him also.
“What if what was the point?” Edward asked. Jasper sighed, shaking his head to himself.
“What if the whole point of it was to create a disaster? I mean, let’s be serious. We all know
Edward’s the last one that should ever be teaching anyone anything… no offense, but you’re
just too impatient and edgy for that,” he said, glancing at his brother. “Anyone with half a
brain could see throwing those two in a car together and expecting him to teach her to drive
without any mishaps was asking for the impossible. He could’ve asked one of us, or even
done it himself, so why ask the one person guaranteed to fuck it up? No offense again, and
pardon my language Isabella.” I smiled involuntarily at Jasper’s manners. “But seriously,
he would’ve seen the potential catastrophe a mile away, he had to have.”
I stood in spot, gazing at Jasper with surprise, his words sinking in. Had Dr. Cullen done
that on purpose? Edward and Emmett seemed just as surprised by Jasper’s words.
“Why the fuck would be do that, though?” Edward asked with confusion. “Why would he
play games like that?”
Jasper shrugged and Emmett sighed. “Maybe to drive a wedge between you?” Emmett
suggested. “I mean, obviously the shit didn’t work, but I guess it’s possible he’d do that. I
agree that it doesn’t make sense that he asked you, he had to be playing at something.”
We were all quiet for a second before Edward spoke up. “Whatever, I’m not playing into his
games. Fuck him. If he thinks something as stupid as learning to drive a goddamn car
would be enough to break us apart he’s an idiot.”
I heard the sound of gravel crunching and glanced over to the window, watching the silver
car pulling up outside. The boys spotted it also and I went to pull away from Edward but he
kept a hold of me. I tried to move his arms from around me but he didn’t budge, instead
squeezed me tighter.
“Dr. Cullen’s home,” I said, confused as to why he wasn’t letting me go. He laughed dryly,
shaking his head.
“And that’s supposed to mean something to me?” he asked, the anger very clear in his
voice. He was fuming. I tensed up, dread coursing through me. This wasn’t good at all. Dr.
Cullen’s earlier warning to me came to mind and my hands started trembling, a queasy
feeling in the pit of my stomach.
…not going to intervene if I don’t have to… walking a fine line right now…
…glad you’ve both found a bit of happiness…
…don’t want to know about it, don’t flaunt it in front of me…
…I’ll continue to allow whatever it is to continue…
…but don’t force my hand…
“You should let go, Edward,” I said quietly, trying to pull his arms away.
“I’m tired of hiding,” he said, his tone serious. My heart started pounding as Dr. Cullen
stepped out of the Volvo, reaching over onto the passenger seat to pull out some boxes of
pizza. He shut the car doors and my knees started feeling weak.
“I don’t want to hide either, but, uh… not today, okay? Not right now,” I rambled, growing
even more nervous as Dr. Cullen started toward the house.
“Why?” he asked simply. I sighed, shaking my head.
“Because today’s been stressful enough, okay? I mean, I already have to deal with the
scratch on the car. And, plus, it’s his birthday. I don’t think we should add a confrontation
to it,” I said. My panic increased tenfold as the front door opened, almost positive that it
was about to get very ugly, but Edward sighed exasperatedly and finally let go of me, taking
a few steps away. I sighed, closing my eyes, slightly relieved that at least for the moment
he’d been diffused.
I opened my eyes and saw Dr. Cullen walk into the kitchen. He looked around at us, his
eyes falling upon me and lingering for a moment. He walked forward and reached by me to
lay the boxes of pizza on the counter. He glanced over at Edward and I heard a light almost
agonized groan escape Dr. Cullen’s throat. It was barely audible but because he was right
beside me I’d heard it. I glanced at him with uncertainty and saw he was gazing at Edward,
who was leaning back against the counter sipping on his cherry coke. Confusion ran
through me as Dr. Cullen shook his head and looked away, reaching up and pinching the
bridge of his nose.
“Do you have my keys son?” Dr. Cullen asked. Edward looked at him and nodded, reaching
into his pocket and pulling out the set of keys. He held them out and Dr. Cullen took them
carefully. He reached into his own pocket and grabbed Edward’s keys, handing them to
him. “I’ve got some stuff to take care of tonight, I won’t be back until tomorrow afternoon.
You kids have a good night.”
Dr. Cullen turned and walked out, not even bothering to wait for anyone to respond. He
bounded up the stairs and I glanced over at the boys. They were all standing quietly, all
staring off into space as if they were deep in thought. I cleared my throat lightly after a
second and three sets of eyes snapped over to me at once. “Uh, your dinner’s here,” I
mumbled, nodding my head toward the boxes of pizza. Emmett grinned and pushed away
from the wall he’d been leaning against, walking over and sorting through the pizzas. He
grabbed a box and started for the doorway out of the kitchen immediately.
“Let’s watch a movie. One with some decent titties in it, man!” he hollered back at us.
Jasper gave me a small smile, shaking his head, and Edward laughed. Jasper grabbed a box
of pizza and headed out toward the living area and Edward paused, eyeing me.
“You wanna grab some drinks?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I smiled and
nodded.
“Sure,” I said, grateful that he’d asked me and didn’t tell me. I realized Edward had never
once bossed me around that I could recall; he really seemed to respect my opinion and
desires. I only hoped that would carry over to whatever was to come next, when I tried to
dissuade him from digging.
“Good,” he said softly, taking the few steps toward me and leaning down, placing a light
kiss upon my lips. “We’ll eat and watch a movie with my brothers, and then we’ll see about
getting smashed. Cool with you?” I nodded and he smiled, grabbing the last box of pizza
and heading out of the kitchen. He hit the foyer and I heard his voice again, but not loud
enough to make out any of the words. I glanced out and saw Dr. Cullen standing at the
bottom of the steps, holding a bag. He said something to Edward, smiling, and Edward
smirked and nodded. Dr. Cullen nodded in response and turned to head out of the front
door. I opened up the fridge and grabbed some sodas, sitting them out on the counter. I
refreshed Edward’s cherry coke and just stuck with cans of coke for the rest of us. I almost
felt bad, not doing anything extra for the other two boys, but I knew they wouldn’t care.
I walked over to the sink to wash my hands and glanced out of the window as Dr. Cullen
walked over toward his car. I tensed up as he paused at the passenger side, eyeing the
mirror that had clipped the mailbox. It was still intact but had a long scratch dug into it,
quite noticeable against the black shiny paintjob. He stood still and gazed at it for a
moment before turning his head around slowly toward the house. My heart started
pounding as his eyes came to rest upon me standing in the window. I realized I could’ve
ducked before he spotted me but I was just frozen in spot, almost paralyzed. He stared at
me for a moment with a blank expression on his face, so I couldn’t tell how upset about it
he was. I half expected him to come back inside or at least give me some visual to
acknowledge that I was in trouble. Charles used to take his finger and run it across his
throat as a sign to tell us that we were facing some consequences when he was done with
whatever had him otherwise occupied, essentially telling us we were facing a beating so
harsh our heads could get knocked off. He didn’t have to do it, but he did, because he knew
how it affected us. Sometimes it was better simply not to know, because the anticipation
and nervousness about what was to come was occasionally more agonizing than the
physical punishment itself.
But Dr. Cullen didn’t do anything like it. He simply stared at me for a moment before
turning back around and walking over to the driver’s side, opening the door and climbing
in. He fiddled with the seat, putting it back in position, before starting the car up and
pulling down the driveway. I sighed, relieved but a little surprised at his lack of reaction,
and headed for the living room with the sodas. I handed Emmett and Jasper theirs and sat
down on the couch between Edward and Jasper in my usual spot. I handed Edward his
cherry coke and he smiled, sitting it down on the table in front of us. He grabbed a piece of
pizza, not bothering with a plate because they usually never did when they ordered food,
and sat back on the couch, kicking his feet up on the table. I opened my soda and took a
drink, sitting it down and grabbing a slice of pizza from the box. I took a bite and turned
my attention to the TV. There was nothing but a blue screen on it at the moment, and
Emmett was glancing through their extensive DVD collection.
“Alright, American Pie or Wild Things?” he asked after a moment, holding two DVDs up
and glancing at us. Jasper immediately yelled out ‘American Pie’ the same exact time
Edward hollered ‘Wild Things’. Emmett shook his head, glancing between his brothers,
before focusing his attention on me. “So which will it be, Izzy Bizzy?”
My eyes widened, surprised that he was asking me to pick. “Uh, I don’t know… I don’t
know either movie,” I stammered. Emmett smiled, shrugging.
“Just pick one,” he said. Jasper leaned over toward me, smiling.
“Pick American Pie,” he said, in a pretend-whisper, intentionally allowing Edward to

overhear. Edward groaned and threw his arm around my shoulder, pulling me over toward
him quickly and away from Jasper.
“Naw, man, fuck that. She’s my girlfriend,” he said, glaring at his brother. “Pick Wild
Things,” he said to me, breaking out into his charming crooked grin that he knew got to me.
“Per favore. Ti amo.”
He whispered the Italian softly, the words familiar and I wasn’t entirely sure but I
suspected he’d told me he loved me. I smiled at him and Jasper groaned loudly.
“That’s cheating, you can’t dazzle her with Italian! You gotta be fair man, let her pick on her
own. She’s a strong woman, let her have her own opinion” Jasper said. I turned my head to
look at him, proud that he was standing up for me and wanting to thank him, but he smiled
and mouthed the words ‘American Pie’ the moment my eyes fell upon him. I started
laughing at their almost childish behavior and Edward shook his head.
“You fucking cheat yourself,” Edward said. “Damn hypocrite.”
“Alright, Alright, both of you shut the hell up or we’re watching Dirty Dancing. I’m sure
Izzy Bizzy would like that shit,” Emmett said. I smiled and both of his brothers groaned,
but quit bickering. “Alright… here’s how we’re doing this. I’ll describe them and you pick
which one sounds better. Ignore both of the douches and vote for yourself. We live in a
goddamn democracy, after all. Land of the free and home of the brave and all that.”
I just stared at him, raising my eyebrows, and Edward groaned. “Land of the free my ass,”
he mumbled. I sighed and Emmett’s expression shifted slightly to guilt.
“Sorry, shit, didn’t think about what I was saying. That happens a lot, you know,” he said,
smiling sheepishly. I nodded and heard Edward mutter ‘fucking jamook’ under his breath,
but thankfully Emmett didn’t hear it.
“It’s fine, no offense taken. I’m well aware of our countries claims of freedom. I watch
Jeopardy, and I hear the president talking on the news,” I said, shrugging. Jasper laughed
lightly and Edward groaned once again, muttering ‘Goddamn Bush’. I shook my head, not
even bothering to ask him to explain because I had a feeling it would turn into a vulgar rant
that would only delay the movie longer, which would probably only annoy his brothers.
“Yeah, okay. So we’ve got a hilarious movie about a bunch of guys who make a pact to lose
their virginity prom night or whatever,” he said. I stared at him with confusion.
“Prom night?” I asked, unsure of what that was. I felt Edward tense up slightly at the
mention of it, his arm that had been loosely draped over my shoulder going slightly rigid.
Emmett nodded. “Yeah, it’s a school dance, ya know? Everyone gets all GQ looking and
parties all night; it’s a big deal. And everyone knows prom nights for sex, it’s like written in
the stars or something.”
I nodded after a second, understanding why Edward had tensed up. “Okay, so it’s a comedy
about some boys who want to have sex after the big dance,” I said. Emmett nodded.
“Yeah there’s more to it, it’s pretty fucking funny,” he said. “And the other one… well, all I
fucking remember about it is some chicks making out in a pool, but it’s supposedly got a
plot or something. I dunno.”
I stared at him with surprise as he laughed. I shrugged after a second, not knowing what to
say. “I guess the first one,” I said. Jasper cheered loudly and Edward groaned.
“That’s not fucking fair, that was skewed. You didn’t even tell her what Wild Things was
about so of course she wouldn’t pick it,” he grumbled. Emmett laughed, opening the DVD
player and putting the disc in.
“What is it about, anyway, Edward?” he asked. Edward sat quietly for a moment before
shrugging.
“Fuck if I know. That pool scene was hot though,” he said, chuckling. Emmett and Jasper
both laughed in response, agreeing.
We all went back to eating after the movie started, and the boys chatted a bit but I stayed
quiet, focusing my attention on the TV. The boys all found the movie hysterical, laughing
out loud often, but it was all startling to me and slightly awkward. It was a bit
uncomfortable, watching some boy spy on a girl apparently masturbating and some parents
walking in on their son attempting to masturbate with a sock while watching a sex movie
and a father attempting to explain pornographic material to his son. None of that, however,
had anything on the scene where the boy tried to have sex but apparently was done before
he could even start, and the scene where the boy was having sex with a real baked apple
pie. I understood now why it was called ‘American Pie’, but it was a bit disturbing to me
after having watched that.
I laughed at one point, not at the movie itself but at Emmett, because the moment they
showed the girl laying in the boys bed with no shirt on he started cheering loudly. He yelled
out “That’s what I’m talking about! Look at those titties!” excitedly, pumping his fist in the
air. Edward and Jasper also laughed at his antics.
When it got toward the end of the movie and all of the guys were finally having sex, I got up
and started grabbing the trash that was scattered around from our eating, heading toward
the kitchen with it. I was throwing the cans away when a hand gently grabbed my hip. I
jumped and yelped, not even hearing him approach, and Edward hummed lightly. He
wrapped his arms around me and pressed my body back against his as I washed his glass
out, leaning down and nuzzling into my neck.
“Are you okay, tesoro?” he asked quietly, placing a light kiss on my exposed skin.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I said, leaning my head over to give him better access, sighing contently,
as his wet soft lips felt great, sending tingles down my spine.
“You wanna talk or something?” he asked. “Seems like there’s something on your mind. I
didn’t do anything wrong, did I? I mean, I know I was an ass earlier in the car…”
I sighed, shaking my head, cutting him off. “You didn’t do anything,” I said. “I kinda just
wanna… I don’t know. I just want…” I mumbled, unsure of where I was even going with
that. Truthfully, I had no idea what was going on inside of my own head, unsure of what I
was exactly feeling. It was almost a sadness, a guilt, and I realized it was probably
stemming from the fact that I was keeping secrets from Edward and that was something I
never wanted to do. I trusted him beyond belief and so desperately wanted to confide in
him, but I couldn’t help but constantly come back to Dr. Cullen’s words.
…volatile and act without thinking…

…use your influence to get my son to back off without being too suspicious about it…
…answers to questions that I can’t give him… Answers he’d be better off never hearing…
…you’re not going to want to keep secrets from him…
…you’re going to have to, if you want him to remain safe…
… keep anything from Edward that will fuel his suspicion and curiosity…
…discourage him… liable to come across something to hurt the both of you…
There was no way I could defy Dr. Cullen, not if defying him could lead to Edward being
hurt. I had to think about what was best for him, because as Dr. Cullen and Edward himself
had both basically spelled out for me, he’d easily throw it all away irrationally and risk his
life without thinking. That was the last thing I ever wanted.
“Tell me what you want and it’s yours,” he mumbled against my skin when I didn’t
complete my thought. I sighed, wishing desperately I could just spill it all out.
“I want to go upstairs,” I said quietly. He hummed and pulled his face from my neck,
standing up straight.
“Alright, we can do that,” he said, nodding. He ran his hand through his hair, glancing
around the kitchen briefly before looking at me. “Wait, I can still get fucked up, right?”
I smiled involuntarily at his expression, the fact that his lips turned down into a pout at the
thought of being unable to drink alcohol tonight. He looked so sweet and innocent and
vulnerable while pouting, but of course looks were deceiving. I nodded, laughing lightly.
His frowned turned into his crooked dashing smile immediately and he chuckled. “You’re
still going to drink with me, aren’t you?”
He raised his eyebrows at me expectantly and I smiled again. “If that’s what you want,” I
said. He stared at me for a second before nodding.
“I want to do everything with you, even when it’s shit we’d probably be better off not doing
together,” he said. “Like driving,” he added playfully, reaching over and nudging me in the
arm. I laughed and nodded, and he grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together.
“Come on then, love, let’s go get smashed and pass out and forget you nearly gave me a
coronary today,” he said jokingly, pulling on me and heading out of the kitchen. I followed
behind him and turned to look toward the living area, waving at Jasper as we passed.
Edward started up the stairs but hesitated halfway up, letting go of my hand.
“Go on up, I’ll grab some cold drinks,” he said. I nodded and he turned, heading back down
the stairs. I continued up to the third floor, slipping into Edward’s bedroom and walking
over, plopping down on his bed. I lay there quietly for a moment before I heard footsteps
coming up the stairs. Edward walked in a moment later juggling two glasses, a two-liter
bottle of Orange soda, and a bottle of cold clear liquor he’d taken from the freezer
downstairs. He kicked the door closed with his foot and walked over to his desk, sitting the
stuff down on it. He opened the two-liter of Sunkist and tipped it back, taking a big drink of
it. He glanced at the bottle after he drank some and poured a bit more into an empty glass.
He eyed the bottle again and poured out a bit more, sitting it down when about a third of it
was gone. He reached into his back pocket and my brow furrowed in confusion when he
pulled out some packets of powered kool-aide. He started opening them and dumping the
powder into the bottle of soda. After he had the powder dumped in he tossed the empty
packets on his desk and grabbed the bottle of liquor, opening it and starting to pour it into
the soda bottle, filling it back up. He put the cap back on the soda and started shaking it
lightly, mixing the powder up. He sat it back down on the desk and glanced over at me,
smiling.
“That’s yours,” he said, nodding toward the bottle. My eyes widened with shock and he
chuckled. “I told you we were getting fucked up. It’s called Sweet Tart, tastes like sweet
tarts candy, ya know what I’m talking about?” He realized immediately that I wouldn’t
know so he shook his head and held his hand out. “Never mind, I’m an idiot. Its just
Sunkist, kool-aid, and everclear, goes down pretty easy.”
I nodded and smiled, a little stunned he expected me to drink so much. He gave me

another smile and walked over, leaning down to kiss me. “Plug the IPod in for me, will ya? I
gotta piss like you wouldn’t believe,” he said before heading toward the bathroom. I
laughed to myself, shaking my head at the fact that he’d felt it necessary to share that piece
of information with me. I got up and grabbed his music player from his desk, walking over
and plugging it in like he’d shown me to do a few days before. I turned it on, smiling
proudly to myself, and a soft mellow song came on. I walked over to Edward’s desk,
hesitating, before picking up the two-liter bottle. I untwisted the cap, curious as to how it
tasted, and immediately it started fizzing up. I tried to close the cap quickly, but my
reaction wasn’t fast enough in response and it sprayed out at me. I yelled, startled as it
splattered my shirt, and finally got it twisted shut. The bathroom door swung open
abruptly, and I glanced over wide-eyed to see Edward standing in the doorway. He was
eyeing me with concern, obviously having heard me yell. My eyes widened with surprise
when I saw his pants were still undone, unbuttoned and unzipped and only barely
managing to stay on his hips thanks to the fact that he had a finger in one of his belt loops.
His brow furrowed when he saw my splattered shirt, the liquid dripping down the front of
my clothes, and I smiled sheepishly.
He was quiet for a moment, just gaping at me, and I wasn’t sure if maybe he was upset over
the mess I’d made. I was worried he’d be annoyed I’d attempted to open and try the drink,
but after a moment the corner of his lips turned up slightly. “You know what happens when
someone shakes up soda, right?” he asked, eyeing my shirt as his smirk grew. “You
probably should’ve let it settle for a bit.”
“I didn’t think…” I started, my cheeks growing warm with the blush of embarrassment.
He chuckled. “So I see,” he said playfully.
I rolled my eyes and looked away from him, surprised I was able to do so when he was
standing there so exposed. I found myself oddly mesmerized by Edward’s body and could
spend hours just gazing at it, memorizing every mark and blemish and freckle and hair,
every crease and curve of his toned muscles. He was truly a gorgeous creature, even when
he didn’t try to be.
I sat the bottle back on the desk, wiping my drenched hands on my pants. Edward buttoned
his pants finally, zipping them up before walking over to me with a towel and patted me
somewhat dry quickly before picking up the bottle and wiping it off. I debated for a
moment before walking over to the door and opening it, heading over to my bedroom. I
stripped out of my clothes and tossed them in the hamper, going into the bathroom to wash
up quickly. I grabbed a pair of black shorts and slipped them on, snatching up Edward’s
football shirt and pulling it on. I went back to Edward’s room, closing the door when I was
inside, and smiled when he held a glass out to me full of the Sweet Tart drink.
“Thank you,” I said softly, taking the glass from him. He nodded and mumbled ‘Prego’
before walking over and unlocking his drawer on his desk. He pulled out a bottle of clear
liquor and opened it, bringing it to his lips and taking a big drink. He grimaced a bit and sat
the bottle down, picking up the glass with orange soda in it to take a drink. I glanced down
at the cup in my hand and brought it up to my lips cautiously, taking a sip. It was really
sweet and fruity, the alcohol taste lingering in the background but not so bad that it made
me shudder or anything. I took another drink, a larger one that time, and Edward’s smirk
grew.
“Yeah, you’ll be fucked up soon,” he said with amusement. “So, uh, what do you want to do
while you’re still coherent?”
I shrugged, taking another drink as he once again downed some straight liquor. “What is
there to do?” I asked. He shrugged himself, sitting the bottle down.
“I dunno, hell. Let’s play a game or something,” he suggested.
“Like 21 questions?” I asked. He shook his head, running his hand through his hair.
“No, I think we’re passed the point where we have to play a game to talk about shit. We
both know we can tell each other everything,” he said. He glanced over at me and I smiled
at him, nodding despite the guilt I felt rolling through me at the fact that I was intentionally
keeping secrets from him.
“What kind of game then? You know, I’m not very good at stuff…” I started, nervous about
making an idiot of myself
Edward rolled his eyes playfully, shaking his head. “Ah, don’t give me that,” he said. He
glanced around the room briefly, sighing. I brought my cup up to my mouth and took a big
drink, the cold sweet liquid actually tasting better than I imagined alcohol could taste.
“We’ve got some board games around here or we could play a card game. I mean, there’s
always drinking games but I don’t think you need any help getting fucked up.” He glanced
at me, raising his eyebrows and smirking, and I pulled my cup from my lips and smiled
sheepishly.
“It tastes good,” I said, shrugging. He chuckled and nodded.
“Yeah,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He grabbed his bottle of liquor again
and took a big gulp of it, making a face as a shiver ripped through him. He was still
shirtless, had never put one on all day long, and I was almost captivated by the way his
stomach muscles tensed up as his body quivered. His pants were still hanging low, his
hipbones peeking out and a trail of light hair going down his stomach and disappearing
into his pants. He reached down after a second, scratching his side where his scar from
being shot lay, and I was oddly transfixed by the sight of his hand. His hands were slightly
rough from playing football but strong, and his fingers were long and lean. He had
beautiful hands, hands that made me feel secure and safe, and I realized I must’ve really
been deeply in love if something as insignificant as his fingers could cause me to gush.
Edward cleared his throat and I glanced up at his face. He was watching me and smirking,
and I blushed because he’d caught me ogling him again. He chuckled and took a drink from
his bottle of liquor before sitting it down on the desk and walking over to me. He cupped
my chin with his palm, pulling my head up, and leaned down to kiss me. His lips were
warm and soft, and I could taste the liquor strongly in his kiss. His lips started moving
frantically after a second as he deepened the kiss, nearly taking my breath away with the
intensity of it. I brought my hand up, interlocking my fingers in his hair, and kissed him
back with everything I had.
He finally pulled away after a moment, breathing heavily. He licked his lips, smirking at
me. “I don’t know what the fuck I’d do if I ever had to go a whole day without kissing you.
Which is still fucking weird, ya know. Me kissing,” he said. I smiled and nodded, trying to
get my heart rate to level out again and catch my breath.
“Yeah, for me too,” I said. I never imagined I’d ever even want to kiss someone, much less
have someone like him to kiss, but now that I had it I wasn’t sure how I’d ever survive
without it.
Edward nodded and stood back up straight, running a hand through his hair. He was quiet
for a moment and seemed to be contemplating something, fingering his messy locks and
looking around. He froze after a second, his face lighting up as he glanced over at me. His
eyes were practically dancing with excitement.
“I know what we can play,” he said, not even bothering to hide his enthusiasm.
“What’s that?” I asked, smiling at his suddenly happy disposition. He held a finger up at
me, silently telling me to wait, and crouched down. He grabbed the comforter and pulled it
up, glancing under the bed. My brow furrowed in confusion and I watched him curiously as
he started pulling boxes out from under his bed. He glanced inside of them quickly,
shoving them back under, until he finally found the one he was apparently looking for. He
pulled out a box looking thing in two different shades of gray. It had a little door on the
front of it, red lettering, and two buttons with two other slots that looked like something
got plugged into it. He pulled something else out of the box that looked like a controller
that went to a video game system. It was the same colors as the box thing and had some
buttons and a long cord. Edward started digging other cords out and walked over to the TV.
He started plugging things in and moving them around.
He got whatever it was hooked up and turned the TV on, reaching over and turning the
music playing from his IPod down slightly but not completely off. He walked back over to
me and glanced back down in the box, reaching in it and pulling something out. “What is
this stuff?” I asked curiously. Edward looked at me and smiled.
“It’s the original Nintendo game system. I kept the shit from when I was a kid, still works
perfectly,” he said, shrugging. I nodded in understanding, sighing.
“And we’re going to play it?” I asked hesitantly, not entirely sure how I was going to do at
playing a video game. He nodded.
“Yeah, it’s easy as hell, even you can do it,” he said. The moment the words rolled from his
lips he tensed up and glanced at me. “I didn’t mean for it to sound that way.”
“I know,” I said, giving him a small smile. He nodded and brought what I assumed was the
game up to his mouth and started blowing inside of it. I watched him with confusion and
he laughed at my expression.
“Gotta get the dust out of it so it works. It isn’t exactly like modern technology or anything,”
he said, shrugging. He walked over and opened the little door on the game player and slid
the game inside of it, closing the door. He pushed one of the buttons and glanced up at the
TV. The game started up almost right away and he smiled, grabbing the remote. He sat
down on the floor, stretching his legs out and patting the floor between them. “Come here,
tesoro, let me teach you properly how to do this shit.”
I smiled and stood up, walking over toward him. I sat down carefully between his legs and
he brought his hands in front of me, holding the controller. He started explaining the
buttons and what they did, starting up a game and going through the first part of it to show
me what I was supposed to be doing. He made it look easy enough and was quite casual
about it, which made me feel less nervous about it all. I knew it was ridiculous to be
anxious when doing stuff like that around Edward, that there was no reason for me to be
self-conscious, but I couldn’t help it. Deep down inside I was still so utterly insecure and I
was desperately afraid of him one day deciding I wasn’t good enough for him.
“What’s this game called?” I asked, glancing behind me at him. He cut his eyes at me and
smiled.
“Mario,” he said. “It’s like a rite of passage, Bella. Fuck Halo and Grand Theft Auto and all
that other bullshit, you’re nobody unless you’ve conquered Mario on the Nintendo.”
He spoke seriously, his tone completely sober, as if it were a true fact he was stating. I had
no idea exactly what those other games were, but I vaguely recalled the boys mentioning
them before. I smiled and turned back to the TV, leaning back into him further. I watched
as his tiny little character jumped over green pipes and jumped all around, intentionally
hitting his head on blocks floating in the sky. A mushroom looking thing popped out of one
of the blocks he hit and he ran his little character over, running straight into the
mushroom. It disappeared and he instantly grew almost double in size. I giggled and
glanced back at Edward, who was smiling happily. He looked so youthful and almost
innocent at that moment, so carefree. He cut his eyes at me again and chuckled.
“Here, you finish this part,” he said, handing me the controller. My eyes widened with
surprise.
“What if I kill him,” I asked, suddenly slightly nervous and afraid again. “I mean, he can be
killed, right?” I grasped the basics somewhat but seeing it happen and doing it were two
different things. I didn’t want to mess up his game and irritate him. He just looked at me
and shrugged.
“He comes right back to life. It’s not like we’ll have to plan a fucking funeral or anything.
Once you kill him three times, or however many lives you’ve got, the game is over and you
start over. No big deal,” he said. “And yeah, you’re going to kill him. I don’t care who you
are, everyone’s fucking killed Mario before, dozens of times.”
I nodded and turned back to the TV, fingering the controller nervously. I used the arrows
and started moving Mario, pushing the button to get him to jump. It took me three tries to
get the coordination going to get him to actually jump over a green thing, but once I got the
hang of it, I found it to be pretty easy. Edward grabbed our drinks and came back over,
sitting down behind me and pulling my body back into his so I was lying against his chest.
He sat my glass down beside us and brought the bottle of liquor up to his lips, taking a
drink.
He started humming along to the song that was playing, something I didn’t recognize. The
music from his music player and mingling with the faint dinging music from the game and
I was surprised Edward tolerated it, as he was so finicky about all things music. The sound
of the throaty hums escaping his lips was distracting me and I ended up running the
character straight off of a ledge, not even noticing the hole in the ground. Edward chuckled,
shaking his head.
“You gotta jump, baby,” he said playfully, nudging me. I smiled and blushed, nodding.
“You were distracting me,” I mumbled. He laughed, shaking both of our bodies with the
vibration in his chest. The board started over at the beginning and I started playing it, and
Edward quieted himself down. I tried to focus on the game, but even though he was quiet
his mere presence was distracting me. I could feel his body warmth, smell his scent and feel
his movements. It was all clouding my senses, sending my body into a whirlwind. I killed
Mario once again at nearly the same spot and groaned, reaching over and grabbing my
drink. I chugged it down and Edward laughed, telling me he’d get me to the second board
and for me to pour myself some more Sweet Tart.
The next few hours passed fast as we fell into that routine. I’d kill us and he’d complete a
board for me so I could at least try the next one. We had to start over quite a few times and
as time wore on I start killing Mario quicker and quicker, as we were both drinking
continually throughout it all. I could feel the alcohol in my system, as my limbs were tingly
and my head seemed slightly foggy. It was a euphoric feeling, just like I’d felt the other
times I’d done intoxicants with Edward, but this time it was intensified. My entire body
was humming, and we were laughing and joking. It was nice, just the two of us hanging out
and doing something so fun and carefree. I never really got to have those types of
experiences, and I wasn’t sure if Edward grasped exactly how much moments like that
meant to me. He was giving something to me I thought I’d never get to experience. He was
almost giving me parts of a childhood I was never blessed with.
I was playing a board with a bunch of gold coins, I wasn’t sure how far along in the game it
was, and Edward was nuzzling into my neck and kissing on me. I could feel his soft tongue
gliding along my skin, sending shivers through my body.
“Does my drinking bother you?” Edward asked as he pulled away from my neck. My brow
furrowed in confusion at his question, my attention on the game wavering and Mario
plunged to his death again. Edward reached over and grabbed the controller, chuckling as
the game was over and I’d killed the last man yet again. He restarted the game up and
started playing the first board quickly. I could tell just by looking at the screen, seeing how
his playing abilities had gradually gotten worse, that he was at least somewhat intoxicated.
“No, you don’t drink enough for it to bother me. And you aren’t a mean drunk like my
father,” I said, shrugging and leaning back against him.
“That prick drinks?” Edward asked. I sighed and nodded.
“Yeah,” I said. “The more he drank, the worse the punishments got. He didn’t really drink
at first when he took over the household, but the more him and his wife fought the more he
started drinking. The last few months there were the worst.”
Edward was quiet for a moment and his attention seemed to be on the screen, but I could
tell the moment Mario plunged straight off of a cliff and he hadn’t even attempted to jump
that he was lost in his mind. He handed the controller back to me, sighing.
“I really want to kill him, you know,” he said quietly, reaching over and grabbing the liquor
bottle. He took a drink and I turned my head to look at him with surprise. He put the bottle
down and looked at me, frowning. “You don’t know how bad I want that motherfucker to
suffer for what he did to you, how bad I want to end his life.”
I was caught off guard by his serious tone and gaped at him for a moment before I started
shaking my head frantically. “You can’t do that,” I said. His eyes narrowed slightly and I
saw the flash of anger in them, the green darkening slightly.
“Why not? You can’t seriously give a fuck about that monster,” he said sharply, the
aggravation evident in his voice. I shook my head no again, sighing.
“I don’t care what happens to him, Edward. But I do care about what happens to you,” I
said. “I don’t want you to kill him, because I don’t want you to be a killer.”
His eyes widened and he stared at me with surprise, obviously not expecting that answer
from me. I turned back around to face the TV and started playing the board, unsure of what
Edward was thinking about what I’d said. I killed Mario before the end of the board and
groaned, restarting it. I barely made it thirty seconds before he died again, killing the last
man. I sat the remote down, slightly irritated, and Edward wrapped his arms around me.
He pulled me back toward him tighter and leaned down, kissing the top of my head.
“You know, I have people that are almost expecting me to follow in my fathers footsteps,”
he said quietly. I sighed, nodding.
“Why does it matter what they want?” I asked. Edward was quiet for a moment before
shrugging.
“I guess because I don’t really wanna disappoint them. I mean, I never knew what the fuck
I wanted out of life, so the idea of going to Chicago and just entering the organization
seemed like the easiest and most practical way to go, but now that I have you I’m starting
to finally see what it is I really do want. I want you, and what it is you want matters to me.
If you don’t want me to do that shit, then I have to really think about it, ya know? Because
it’ll be your life too. And you matter a lot more to me than any of those motherfuckers do,”
he said. I smiled lightly, sighing, feeling a bit of relief from his words. Maybe Dr. Cullen
had been right, maybe he’d get his wish and Edward wouldn’t follow down the path he
went down after all. I couldn’t lie, the thought of Edward being a criminal and a murderer
really bothered me. I could accept his flaws, but could I really accept him if he killed people
and thieved for profit?
“You’re the only thing that matters to me,” I mumbled finally, because it was the truth. I
had nothing without him; he was the only bright spot in my life. He hummed lightly in
response to my words, squeezing me tighter.
“Ya know, maybe we should just go,” he said after a second. My brow furrowed in
confusion, unsure of what he meant. “I’ll get Emmett to find a way to fuck up the chip so
we can’t be tracked and we’ll just take off.”
I felt the dread spike up again at his suggestion, anxious that he was still considering
fleeing from whatever it was that we were facing. Regardless, that wasn’t an option. “Uh, I
don’t think we should,” I said quickly. Edward sighed.
“Why not?” he asked.
“I dunno, I just think maybe we should wait it out. I don’t want you to walk away from
everything for me. I don’t want you to have to leave your family. Maybe if we just stay as we
are and wait it out, things will work out,” I said. Edward was quiet for a moment and I
closed my eyes, his silence causing my heart rate to increase. Was he suspicious of me?
“If that’s what you want,” he said finally.
I breathed a sigh of relief, nodding. “I just want no complications for awhile. I’ve spent my
entire life in turmoil, always watching my back and it’ll be the same way if we run. So can
we just forget about all of that for right now and just be, just for the time being? Your
fathers not so bad toward me, he won’t hurt me.”
I was lying through my teeth, as I was still quite sure Dr. Cullen would hurt me in a
heartbeat if he felt in necessary and by staying put I’d still be constantly watching my back,
but I was hoping Edward wouldn’t see through it and would just agree, accept it for the
time being. “We’ll stay put,” he said finally, pausing before adding, “for now.”
I nodded, knowing the situation wasn’t completely avoided but I’d at least put it off for the
time being, until I could come up with a better understanding of what was going on or a
better plan as to how to fix it all. We were both quiet for a moment before Edward grabbed
the controller. “You done playing?” he asked. I nodded, glancing at him and giving him a
smile. He smiled in return and stood up, starting to take the game apart. He walked over
and was putting it back in the box and I stood up, grabbing my drink.
“I wondered what was in those boxes,” I said, remembering seeing them when we cleaned
his room. “So that’s where you hide your toys?” I asked playfully. He glanced at me and
smirked, shaking his head.
“Much more than toys, Bella. This is where I keep the old me,” he said. His words didn’t
make complete sense to me and he realized that when he saw my expression. “Everything I
kept from Chicago is in these boxes.”
I nodded, it finally clicking. I sat down on his bed and took a drink of my drink, glancing
down in the box. He finished putting the game system away and closed the box up, slipping
it under the bed. He hesitated before pulling a smaller box out. He pulled the lid off of it
and I saw it contained mostly papers and photos. He dug through the stack briefly,
searching the bottom of the box, before pulling a black picture frame out. He handed it out
to me and I took it carefully, unsure of what he was giving it to me for. I glanced down at
the picture and froze when my eyes came upon a woman with bright hair and eyes, both the
same color as Edwards, standing with a little boy that was very clearly Edward well over ten
years ago. I stared at it with shock, perplexity hitting me after a second when I got the
oddest sense of familiarity. I knew immediately it was Edward’s mother and him, but there
just seemed more to it. Like I’d seen it before somewhere, but I knew I hadn’t because I’d
never been in Edward’s box before, and none of the rest of them had ever shown me a
picture of her. But regardless, something about it struck me as recognizable, almost like a
sense of déjà vu.
Edward’s mother was stunning. Tall, with fair skin, expressive green eyes and slightly wavy
red hair. She practically glowed in the photo, and I could just tell by looking at it that she
clearly adored her youngest. And Edward… regardless of how much time had passed,
Edward was still Edward. He had unruly hair and emotional eyes, pale skin with the slight
freckles across his nose. And it was also easy to tell that he loved his mother more than
anything, because the way he looked at her was stunning. He was gazing at his mother like
she was the most beautiful thing on the planet, and to him she likely had been. And it
stunned me, because it was a look I knew well. It was a look that had been missing in all of
the pictures I’d seen of Edward taken the past few years, but an expression I saw every time
I looked at him now.
It was the look of a boy who knew and felt love.
I felt my eyes welling up with tears, everything impacting me hard. My love for him, his
obvious love for me, and most of all, the love between a mother and her son. And the pain,
oh God the pain. What both mother and son had to have felt at that last moment, right
before her life was ended, right before Edward had been forced to witness the light leaving
her. Because looking at the photograph, it was clear to see she definitely did bring light into
every life she touched. The boys always spoke so highly of their mother, made her appear to
be almost saint-like, like an angel, and seeing her didn’t disappoint or dampen that opinion
at all. Because she very clearly was everything they’d made her out to be.
I’d been in such a daze, staring at the picture and overcome with emotion that I hadn’t
noticed Edward crouched down in front of me until he placed his hand over the picture. I
glanced up at him and he smiled sadly, reaching out and wiping my cheeks with his
fingertips. I realized I was crying, that the tears had slipped by undetected. Edward gazed
at me lovingly and leaned forward after a moment, placing a light kiss on my lips.
“I know, she dressed me horribly, you don’t have to cry about it. I promise I’ll never wear
yellow, green, and red crayon looking high top shoes again, no worries,” he said playfully. I
smiled and glanced down at the picture. He removed his hand and I laughed lightly when I
saw he was indeed wearing an odd pair of brightly collared shoes.
“They’re not so bad,” I said playfully. He chuckled, shaking his head.
“I hated those fucking shoes,” he said. “But I wore them for her.”
I smiled and nodded, gazing at the photo for another second, still overcome with that odd
familiarity. “She’s really beautiful,” I said.
“Yeah. I told you I looked exactly like her,” he said.
I nodded, that being very true. I wondered at that moment if that was why the picture
struck me so oddly, if it was simply because there was so much of Edward in it. I hesitated
but handed the picture out to Edward. He took it and I expected him to replace it back in
the box, but instead he stood up and walked over to his desk, sitting it down. He turned
around and smiled at me, closing the box back up and shoving it back under the desk.
“You wanna lay down and watch a movie or something?” he asked. I nodded and he walked
over, grabbing a DVD and putting it into the player. My eyes widened as he unbuttoned
and unzipped his pants, dropping them to the floor and stepping out of them. He walked
over and flicked the light off before grabbing the remote and climbing into the bed in his
boxers. He pulled me to him and I laid my head on his chest, intertwining our legs together
as we snuggled up. The movie started, and I barely made it through the first ten minutes
before my eyes started drifting closed.
I assume my intoxication affected my sleep, because I was out cold quickly. I slept deeply
for a while before dreams started filtering in, interrupting my peaceful slumber. I saw the
large white farmhouse sitting on the vast predominately brown land, with the shabby barn
beside it. I was back in Phoenix, and it felt so real that I could almost feel the heat, the sun
burning my sensitive skin. I could feel the dirt between my toes, and it was warm but didn’t
burn because I was so used to it. I was running, and the wind that hit my sweaty skin as I
ran cooled me off from the heat. I wasn’t watching where I was going and slammed into
something, falling backwards onto my behind.
I glanced up and could make out the form, but the sun in the sky was blinding me
somewhat so it was all bright and glowing. I was confused for a moment, and then a sweet
soft feminine voice shattered the silence. ‘You’re awfully dirty, little one,’ the voice said. I
was baffled as to what they were talking about and asked them where, looking down at
myself. A sweet laughter rung out and the blindness cleared as the form squatted down to
look at me, the bright red hair and green eyes stunning me. Sheer beauty, love and
compassion on her features. Up until that moment in my life, I’d never seen an angel, but I
was sure then that she was one. ‘Everywhere,’ she answered my question, smilingly lovingly
and reaching her finger out, pressing it lightly against the tip of my nose.
The moment her finger made contact with me I sat upright in bed, blinking rapidly, on the
verge of hyperventilating as I broke from my slumber. My heart was racing wildly,
confusion and disbelief consuming me.
It was impossible, I couldn’t have known her. I would’ve remembered her before now, I
swore I remembered everyone I met. But she’d been there, in my dream, in Phoenix. And
she’d spoken to me, and I had no idea how old I’d been but I had to have been young for
such a memory to be buried so deep.
I glanced over at Edward, who was curled up in a ball and hugging his pillow tightly. I
stared at his sleeping form, suddenly remembering something Dr. Cullen had told me on
Christmas.
“The very first time I met you, Isabella, you were three years old. Well, you told my wife
and I that you were three, but you held up two fingers,” he’d said. “Anyway, it just surprises
me a bit that you recall my sister but not me, as I saw you a few times over the years.”
My eyes widened with shock as I got a random imagine in my mind of Dr. Cullen, a
memory. ‘Thank you for visiting me!’ I’d said, hugging onto his leg. He’d patted my head
and smiled, saying ‘You’re welcome child’.
I felt my eyes welling up with tears, shock coursing through me, stunned that I hadn’t
figured any of that out before. My hands were shaking, my heart pounding rapidly. I
climbed out of the bed carefully, making sure not to disturb Edward, and walked over to his
desk. I gave him a quick glance to ensure he was still asleep before picking the picture up
once more. I squinted in the darkness, gazing down at Elizabeth Cullen, the fuzzy
memories I’d just acquired coming slightly clearer.
“Lizzie,” I whispered, smiling lightly, stunned that I’d completely forgotten meeting her.
For some reason I’d pushed it back, wanted to forget. She’d visited me a few times that I
could recall and then just disappeared. I’d been so young that I didn’t understand it, I
thought she just didn’t like me anymore. I gazed at her picture for a moment longer and
before my vision hazed over. “Now I remember why I wanted to be called Izzy,” I whispered
softly and the tears started streaming down my cheek.
I heard the bed shift and sat the picture down quickly, looking over at Edward. He was
stirring around and I reached up, wiping away my tears quickly. I stared at him for a
second before my eyes widened in shock as I recalled Edward saying the picture of my
mother felt familiar to him.
Could I have met him, too?
Chapter 45 (Non)Sense
"The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not
between right and wrong." -- Carl Jung
I rolled over and reached my arm out, looking for Isabella’s form in the bed beside me so I
could pull her to me and snuggle up like we usually did when we slept. I patted the bed
briefly, not feeling her there, and opened my eyes quickly. My brow furrowed in confusion
when I saw the bed was empty, nothing but blanket and sheets and pillow where her
sleeping body should’ve been. I glanced over toward the bathroom, seeing the door was still
open and the light off so it was obvious she wasn’t in there. I sat up quickly and heard a
shuffling noise behind me. I turned my head around instantly and saw Isabella walking
over from the other side of the room. She slid back into the bed quickly and scooted toward
me, her back to me. I stared at her for a second in confusion before lying back down and
wrapping my arms around her.
“Come here, baby,” I whispered, my voice thick with sleep. “Lay with me.” I pulled her
toward me and she didn’t offer any resistance, turning her body to face me, and snuggling
up. She laid her head on my chest, draping her arm over me. I leaned down and kissed the
top of her head, sighing. “What were you doing?” I asked curiously.
She sighed and shrugged her shoulders slightly. “I couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled. I glanced
down at her suspiciously, not buying that shit because she’d passed out fast and had slept
fucking hard through the entire movie. There was no way she was dealing with insomnia.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she mumbled. I sighed exasperatedly, not buying that bullshit either.
“How about I ask that question again and you tell me the truth this time?” I said, slightly
irritated. She knew I hated her keeping shit from me and it had been bothering me all
night, because it was clear as fucking day she was keeping something inside. Ever since I’d
picked her up at the hospital she’d been acting strangely, and it wasn’t anything specific she
was doing but just a vibe I was getting from her. She was holding back, and I had no idea
why or what it could be but I was determined to find that shit out. I’d hoped she’d fucking
relax and it would go away when she got alcohol in her system, that maybe I’d been
imagining it and she was just tense from spending all day locked up in that small ass office
with my irritable father. It did go away briefly, but it was obvious now she was still
shielding something from me and I didn’t like that shit. Not a single fucking bit.
“What do you mean?” she asked cautiously, her voice even. I sighed, shaking my head.
“I mean I know you pretty goddamn well by now Isabella, and it clear there’s something on
your mind. You said earlier that you knew you could tell me anything, so just fucking spill
it,” I said, annoyed because my eyes were burning from exhaustion and I wanted nothing
more than to close those motherfuckers once more and go back to sleep, but I couldn’t do
that shit if there was something bothering her. She lay still for a long moment, so
motionless and quiet that I wondered if she’d fucking fell asleep or something. I reached
my hand up to rub my eyes and groaned lightly, aggravated, and she finally sighed and
shifted her body.
“Maybe now’s not the time,” she said quietly. I groaned again, louder that time, and started
shifting onto my side to face her. She moved off of my chest and went to roll over to face
away from me but I grabbed a hold of her to stop her, wanting to fucking clear the air so I
could goddamn go back to sleep. No matter how exhausted I was, there’d be no way my
mind would shut off and I’d be able to sleep if she was acting fucking sketchy like this when
I had no idea why.
She looked up at me and I froze, stunned by her expression. She looked almost devastated,
the saddest fucking look she’d ever had on her face. She looked like she’d just witnessed
someone kicking her goddamn dog. It was almost grief I saw, like someone had fucking
died and her world was rocked.
“Now is the time. What’s wrong, what happened? And don’t tell me nothing, or that you’re
fine or okay, because I’m not going to believe that bullshit. So if you fucking love me like
you claim you do, you’ll tell me whatever the hell it is that’s bothering you,” I said, needing
to know what had her so upset. She stared at me for a second, a flash of panic in her eyes,
and I almost felt bad for the emotional blackmail but I was too concerned to worry about
that now. It was wrong of me to use our love against her as a way to get her to fucking tell
me what was on her mind, but at the same time it was wrong of her to fucking not be telling
me things in the first place.
She just stared at me for a second, looking panicked, and I could tell her mind was working
fast. She was fucking trying to think of how to get herself out of it, a loophole to my
blackmail. Whatever it was she clearly didn’t want to say, but there was no way she wasn’t
telling me now.
“Do I have to play 21 questions to get this shit out of you? I thought we were over that but
maybe not,” I said with annoyance, reaching up and pinching the bridge of my nose. I was
trying to keep my temper in check so not to upset her anymore, but I had the urge to just
shake the shit out of her and demand she spill every fucking thought she had in her head.
She shook her head no quickly. “We are over that,” she said. I sighed.
“Then why are you keeping shit from me? You’ve been acting funny ever since the hospital.
Did something happen there? Did my Dad say something to you?” I asked, trying to get
some fucking clue as to what it was about. She stared at me and I saw that panic again
when I mentioned my father. I nodded, anger boiling up inside of me when I knew I was on
the right path. “What did he say? Did he fucking threaten you?” I asked sharply.
She shook her head no quickly again, looking almost afraid, but made no attempt to
elaborate, which didn’t do anything to smother the anger I was feeling at the situation. She
still wasn’t telling me shit.
I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair, closing my eyes, trying to calm
myself down because snapping and yelling at her wasn’t going to solve anything. It would
only make her clam up more, upset her even further, and that wasn’t what I wanted. I
wanted her to open up to me and being an asshole wouldn’t accomplish that. I was going to
have to fucking charm it out of her, which was goddamn ridiculous because she was my
girlfriend and claimed to trust me so there was no reason we should be having to play these
fucking bullshit mind games. But for some reason she wanted to play them with me, so I’d
one up her and use what I had to manipulate her.
I reopened my eyes and glanced at her, seeing she was staring at me with apprehension. I
sighed, reaching over and brushing some wayward hairs out of her face. My fingertips
brushed against her skin lightly and her eyes fluttered closed.
“La mia bella ragazza,” I mumbled. “Non capisco.”
She opened her eyes back up to look at me, her expression almost surprise. I made sure to
keep my voice soft and charming, accenting the Italian because I figured that shit wouldn’t
hurt at least. My Italian was deeply Americanized, sometimes even so much so that Italians
couldn’t understand what the fuck I was saying. But the mafia got it, because they spoke
the Americanized shit also. It was a crazy mixture of dialects, mostly passed over from
southern Italy, and was all fucked up grammatically and my accent was usually shitty
because I was an American born and raised. But I could pull the shit off quite well when I
wanted to, when I really tried, and I was fucking trying now. I smiled at her expression,
glad to see the panic gone at least.
“Tanto gentile e tanto onesta pare la donna mia,” I said, laying it on thick. Her lips started
turning up into a smile.
“What does that mean?” she asked curiously. I stared at her for a second, smiling.
“It means, ‘So kind and so honest my lady appears to be’,” I said. “It’s a line from Dante’s,
‘La Vita Nova’. Poetry, I guess.” My brow furrowed in confusion at my own words—when
the fuck did I start quoting poetry? What the fuck had happened to me? I’d turned into a
pussy for real.
She nodded, smiling. “That’s sweet,” she said. “Do you know more of it?” I sighed and
nodded hesitantly, spouting that shit off to try to charm her and not really interested in
reciting the entire goddamn thing right now. But she was looking at me expectantly,
obviously wanting to hear more of it and I was a sucker for her, would give her any
goddamn thing she wanted, even if that meant reciting pansy ass love poetry at 3am in
Italian.
“Quand'ella altrui saluta, ch'ogne lingua deven… uh…” I stammered, pausing abruptly,
fucking stuck and unable to remember the rest. “Christ, it’s too early for this shit. Or too
late, whatever. Ask me tomorrow when I’m coherent.”
She smiled and nodded. “Okay. We should go back to sleep,” she mumbled. I shook my
head no quickly.
“Tell me what my father did, tesoro,” I said. She gazed at me, her smile fading. “There’s
nothing to worry about. I won’t flip out, I promise. If it comes down to it, we’ll just run. I
told you that.”
Her eyes widened slightly, that goddamn panic creeping back in. “We decided we were
staying, remember?” she said. “No running.”
I sighed, still quite irritated and not at all understanding her insistence on sticking around
if we could find a way to go. I guess I could see her not wanting me to walk away from my
family, but she had to realize that she was what mattered most to me in my life. I loved my
family, but this was my life and I had to live it for myself. I’d leave it all behind and walk
away, start over a completely new life with her somewhere. She’d have to start from scratch
anyway, because she didn’t even really fucking exist as it stood, so why couldn’t I start with
a clean slate too?
I had to admit she’d stunned me earlier when I told her I wanted to kill her father. The fact
of the matter was that motherfucker didn’t deserve to still be breathing after torturing her,
and I almost felt like it was my job to ensure he was put in his place. She was my girl, and I
didn’t mean that shit in a possessive manner, although I found myself being quite
possessive over her sometimes. I meant that shit in a joint way. We belonged together and
nothing was going to change that. She told me I couldn’t do it, and I got angry at first
thinking she was going to try to stand up for that demented asshole, but then she turned
that shit around on me. She told me I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t kill him, because I couldn’t
be a killer. And just hearing that word, ‘killer’, was staggering. Christ, I didn’t want to be a
fucking murderer either, and hearing her say that shit out loud was enough to put me in my
place. Isabella was good, had an innocence about her despite all the bullshit she’d gone
through. I wanted to be good enough for her--did I really deserve her if I went down that
path? I wasn’t sure. Could she accept that shit if it came down to it? I liked to think she
could, but I couldn’t be for certain. I’m not saying it won’t come to that point where I
decide to follow that path, but I realized I didn’t want her to have to make that kind of
decision and willingly choose to be with a ‘killer’. My mother had made that choice, my
aunt Esme had made that choice, and they both had to find balance between the good and
the evil in their lives. I mean, they fared well for the most part, both seemed happy enough
like they believed my father and Alec were worth it, but the fact remained that they’d had to
choose to deal with that shit when they were both good wholesome people. They had to put
their own principles and beliefs aside and accept a fucking murderer in their lives for the
sake of love. Did I want Bella to have to make that kind of choice? She was better than that
shit.
“If you wanna stay put, we’ll stay put. Whatever. If you wanna run, we’ll run. You’re calling
the shots here,” I said. Her eyes widened with surprise and I shrugged. “All I know is
wherever you are, I’m gonna be. Because we belong together. We’re like… two peas in a
pod, baby. Like peanut butter and jelly, or macaroni and cheese. The shit might be okay by
itself, it might get along all right, but you throw those two things together and it’s better
than just fucking okay. Ya know?”
I was still half asleep and nearly fucking delirious from exhaustion, still able to feel some of
the vodka in my system, so I wasn’t sure if I was making any goddamn sense. She’d
probably think I was an idiot, wonder what the hell was wrong with me, but it seemed
logical enough to me. She smiled after a second.
“You mean like spaghetti and meatballs?” she said. “Or bread and butter?”
I smirked. “Yeah, see, you know what I mean. We’re like fucking milk and cookies, baby.”
She laughed. “Salt and Pepper,” she said. “Chips and dip.”
I nodded. “Hell yeah. And it’s gotta be goddamn ripple cut potato chips and French onion
dip,” I said. “There’s no other way to go.” She laughed, shaking her head.
“Finicky,” she whispered. I rolled my eyes playfully, laughing.
“Whatever, that’s just a fact of life,” I mumbled. “Hmmm… we’re like mashed potatoes and
gravy. Oh, no! We’re like questions and answers. What good is a fucking question without
an answer?”
She laughed loudly, shaking her head. “You’re the missing mate to my sock,” she busted out
with. I laughed, shaking my head, because only fucking Isabella would incorporate laundry
into this bullshit.
“Okay I’ll be that. Actually, that’s fucking good. I’m nothing without you and socks are
useless on their own, a waste of space if you don’t have their mate,” I said, smiling. “Well,
unless you’ve only got one foot, then you can have just one sock.”
She busted into giggles and I chuckled. We were being pretty fucking juvenile but it was
good to hear her laugh. “What about Kool-Aide and Sugar?” she asked.
I shook my head, smirking. “Fuck that. Kool-Aide, Sunkist, and Everclear,” I said. Her
brow furrowed and she stared at me like I was goddamn stupid.
“That doesn’t count, there’s three of them and there’s only two of us,” she said seriously,
like she was really fucking confused by it. I laughed loudly, shaking my head.
“Okay, tesoro, I take that one back. We can be Kool-Aide and sugar,” I said. “But we also
gotta be rum and coke. Or vodka and orange juice. Actually, fuck, vodka goes with
anything.”
She smiled. “Cherries and coke?” she asked. I smirked.
“Hell yeah. That’s it right there. We’re a goddamn cherry coke.”
We both laughed. “Bert and Ernie?” she said after a second. My eyes widened in surprise.
“Shit, that’s a good one. You watch Sesame Street?” I asked. She smiled sheepishly,
shrugging. “Well there you go, we’re Bert and Ernie. Hell, we can be Starksy and Hutch for
that matter. Lois and Clark. Batman and Robin. Scooby and Shaggy. Obi-wan and Han
Solo. But none of that Romeo and Juliet bullshit.”
She stared at me with confusion, obviously not knowing who half of those motherfuckers
were. “Bonnie and Clyde?” she asked after a moment. I nodded, slightly stunned she pulled
that one out.
“Yeah, Bonnie and Clyde. That’s me and you, baby. Shit, we’re like Ben and Jerry. Birds
and Bees. Fuck, Bees and honey. No! I got it! Me and you, we’re like peas and carrots!” I
paused and glanced at her, watching as her brow furrowed and a look of complete
confusion over took her face. She had no fucking clue what I was talking about, had never
seen Forrest Gump before. I chuckled, shaking my head. “Where the fuck were we going
with this again?” I asked after a second. She started laughing and I laughed along with her.
We’d gone so far off course it was ridiculous.
We both quieted down after a moment and she just lay there, gazing at me with a kind
hearted expression. I scooted over and placed a light kiss upon her lips, to which she sighed
and closed her eyes. I pulled back from her mouth and started caressing the soft skin of her
cheek, wishing she’d just fucking tell me already so we could get it over with. I could tell by
her expression she knew I was still waiting. I’d yelled at her for it, tried to dazzle it out of
her, and then made her fucking laugh and still nothing. So I’d just be patient and wait her
out, regardless of how hard that shit would be for me to do.
“He, uh…” she started, pausing and sighing once more. “He asked me if I was in love with
you.”
I froze, stilling my hand with my fingertips on her jaw line, and stared at her. I wasn’t sure
what I expected her to tell me, what I expected my father to have said or done, but it
obviously wasn’t that. She opened her eyes after a second, looking at me apprehensively.
“And what did you say?” I asked hesitantly, unsure if I wanted to know the answer to that. I
recognized it would probably hurt irrationally if she denied the shit, but I couldn’t exactly
blame her if she did.
“I said yes,” she said quietly. I had a surge of emotion rip through me, a mixture of pride
and fear and shock. I mean, I knew deep down he knew the shit, but for it to be verbalized
was different. Confirmation was startling.
“What did he say?” I asked. She sighed, shrugging. She hesitated and when she spoke I
could tell she was choosing her words carefully.
“He said we were idiots if we thought we could fool him, that he could tell,” she said
tentatively. I nodded, not entirely surprised by that.
“What else did he say? He had to have had an opinion,” I said. She started chewing on her
bottom lip, looking nervous.
“He, uh… he said as long as we don’t flaunt it in front of him and he doesn’t have to see it
anymore than he already does, he’ll leave it alone,” she said. I sighed, gazing at her,
remembering what others said on the situation. Esme had told me my father was
complicated and I needed to tread lightly and it could work out. Aro had told me to
basically love her if I wanted to, but to act with my brain and not my heart around my
father, to not flaunt it. My father had expressed almost the same exact sentiment to
Isabella. I didn’t exactly understand why, what the big goddamn deal was and why we
couldn’t just be together like normal people, but I was quite fucking determined to find it
out.
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” I asked. “You didn’t have to hide it from me. Shit, you
could’ve told me right away at the hospital when I told you I thought we were busted
instead of letting it eat away at you all day.”
She shrugged. “I guess I just didn’t want you to overreact,” she said quietly. I laughed
lightly, shaking my head.
“If you’re afraid I’m going to flip out and go against his wishes just for the fuck of it, you
don’t have to worry. If he’s at least going to be civilized about the shit than I won’t push it,”
I said.
She nodded, frowning. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “For keeping secrets.”
I sighed, reaching over and wrapping my arms around her again. I rolled over onto my
back and pulled her to me, snuggling up once more. She sighed, settling into my arms with
her head on my chest, and I covered us up with the blanket.
“It’s alright, no big deal. Just don’t do the shit again, okay? Nothing’s so bad that you have
to keep it from me,” I said, feeling like a fucking hypocrite the moment the words rolled
from my lips. I was keeping shit to myself also, and it was wrong of me but I was just trying
to protect her. I started doing some digging and I hadn’t really found anything but I knew if
I was caught my father was going to snap. I didn’t want her to get involved with that
because I could handle my Dad’s wrath. He wouldn’t really hurt me, I knew that. But
Isabella was another story and I didn’t want her getting hurt because of me. So I kept it
from her, for her safety.
“Okay,” she said simply, snuggling into me further. I squeezed her tighter, closing my eyes.
They were still fucking burning after all of that, and I felt myself drifting off quickly.
I woke up much later to a room partially encased in light, the sun thankfully blocked for the
most part from the blinds and curtains. My head was pounding, my eyes hurting. I blinked
a few times and pulled myself up to a sitting position, running my hands down my face. My
entire body was stiff. I hadn’t drank more last night than I usually did in the past, but I’d
been laying off the liquor for the most part so my body’s tolerance was down significantly. I
glanced over at the alarm clock, stunned that it was already after 11am. I glanced beside me
in the bed, groaning when I realized I’d once again woken up alone in bed. The room was
deserted, the bathroom empty, so it was clear she wasn’t here anywhere this time.
I pulled myself up off of the bed, stretching my muscles out. I walked over and pulled out a
pair of basketball shorts, not really giving a fuck at the moment, just needing to cover my
ass up in more than just boxers in case anyone other than Isabella was downstairs.
I went into the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of Tylenol, popping two of them and taking
a drink of water from the faucet to down them. I ran my hand through my hair, glancing in
the mirror briefly before heading out of the room. I went down the stairs, hesitating on the
second floor when I heard my fathers voice in his office, indicating he was back home
already. I headed for the first floor and went into the kitchen, grabbing a soda from the
fridge. I opened it up and took a drink, glancing around. The downstairs was completely
silent and I glanced out of the window, noticing Emmett’s jeep was gone. I walked around
the first floor briefly, not seeing Isabella anywhere, and headed back upstairs. I looked in
her bedroom and the library, confused when I found her nowhere. I started heading back
down the stairs, wondering if maybe she’d gone somewhere with my brothers, and froze
when I hit the second floor and my fathers office door opened.
“You’ll do well to remember that,” I heard his voice say. I glanced over at the door with
confusion, wondering what the fuck he was talking about, my eyes going wide with surprise
when Isabella stepped out into the hallway. She glanced up, her eyes meeting mine and a
look of shock coming across her face. My father saw her expression and glanced over at me.
“Do you need laundry done, Edward?” my father asked after a moment of almost awkward
silence, raising his eyebrows questioningly. My brow furrowed in confusion and I shook my
head, wondering what the fuck he was asking me that for. Was he trying to find work for
her to do? I didn’t exactly like that idea, because she shouldn’t have to do that bullshit and I
wasn’t above telling him that in my hung over state.
“Why?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just two days in a row you’ve walked around with barely
any clothes on. I was just wondering if maybe you’d run out of them or something,” he said.
I glanced down at myself, rolling my eyes.
“Christ, it’s not like I’m naked, Dad. I’ve got my dick covered, you taught me that shit at
least,” I said, shrugging. Isabella gasped, staring at me with shock, and my dad started
laughing lightly, shaking his head.
“Yeah, I’m glad at least that much sunk in that thick skull of yours. Always keep it covered,”
he said with amusement. I chuckled at the obvious double meaning, shaking my head.
“What, you think you’re too young to be a grandpa?” I asked jokingly. He raised his
eyebrows at me.
“As a matter of fact, yes. Come on, I’m only forty-one. And seventeen is entirely too young
to make big life decisions, which includes reproduction. But quite frankly I was just as
worried about you picking up something from these bagasce around this town as I was
about you impregnating them. For a while there, every time you said the words ‘Hey dad,
what’s this?’ I feared turning to look at you and you whipping your privates out to show me
something suspicious,” he said. “I mean, a baby would cost you a lot of money, but you
could afford it… I’m not so sure you could afford your dick falling off.” Isabella gasped
loudly, turning to look at my father, all wide-eyed and appearing quite stunned by his
words. I laughed at her expression.
“Well, thanks for the concern Dad, but I assure you my dick is in fantastic shape,” I said
jokingly, reaching over and slapping him on the back. He laughed, shaking his head, and I
glanced over at Isabella to see her staring at me with shock, her face turning bright red.
Dad looked at her and sighed.
“You can be excused, child,” he said quietly. She nodded and turned quickly, practically
bolting for the fucking steps. I almost felt bad that she was so mortified by the
conversation, but I couldn’t deny the shit was pretty funny.
I chuckled and shook my head, running my hand through my hair as she disappeared from
sight. My father sighed after a moment and I glanced over at him to see him looking at me.
“Go get dressed,” he said after a second. I narrowed my eyes slightly.
“Didn’t we just go through this shit? It’s not like I’m indecent. You gotta problem with
seeing me like this? I think I look pretty fucking good, people would pay to see me like
this,” I said, bringing my hand up to rub my chest. He sighed, shaking his head.
“Could you be any more conceited?” he asked. “And no, I don’t have a problem with it,
besides the fact that you know I hate seeing all that ink all over you. You’re far too young to
be so marked up.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I like them personally, I was thinking about getting another
one right here,” I said, pointing to my right arm that was so far inkless. He cocked an
eyebrow at me and shook his head.
“Not until you move out of my house,” he said. “And I mean that. No more ink.”
I stared at him for a second before smirking. “Whatever you say Dad, you’re the boss
around this motherfucker,” I said, shrugging. He knew goddamn well I’d go get another
tattoo if I wanted and there wasn’t shit he could do about it.
“You’d do well to remember that, too, son,” he said. My eyes narrowed slightly.
“And what would Isabella do well to remember?” I asked, as that was the exact same thing
he’d said to her when they walked out of his office. He just gazed at me for a second before
shrugging.
“Chi s'occupa coi i suoi propri affari, va continuare per cent'anni,” he said. I stared at him
and nodded after a moment.
“Whoever occupies himself with his own affairs will live a hundred years?” I asked, wanting
to make sure I got that shit right because I’d never heard him say that before. He smiled
and nodded, and I sighed. “Mind my own fucking business, basically.”
“Yes,” he said. “And stop cursing so much. It’s unnecessary and sounds ugly.”
I groaned. “You curse,” I said, calling him out on his hypocrisy. He shrugged.
“And your mother hated it. She tolerated my foul mouth and occupation, but she despised
both. How do you think she’d feel hearing you right now?” he asked. I narrowed my eyes at
him, the anger boiling up at the mention of her.
“Are you seriously going to stand there and talk to me about how Mom would feel about
what I’m doing?” I asked, annoyed. “How about what you’re doing?”
He stared at me and I saw the flash of anger in his eyes but he fought that shit back, trying
not to snap at me. “She was always disappointed in me, it wouldn’t be anything new. But I
figured maybe you could learn from my mistakes so history didn’t repeat itself. I think
she’d be disappointed in us both for letting that happen.”
I just stood there and gaped at him, confused as to exactly what he was trying to say. He
sighed after a moment and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Are you going to get dressed or
what?” he asked, sounding irritated.
“We’re back to that shit? Again?” I asked. He nodded.
“You can run around the house looking like that all you want Edward but I’m not taking
you out in public with me half naked. Plus, it’s a bit cold out. You don’t want to get sick,” he
said. My brow furrowed in confusion.
“Where am I going?” I asked, wondering if maybe I’d fucking forgot something because I
surely didn’t recall making any plans.
“I have a free day so I figured we could go out shooting like we talked about,” he said. My
eyes widened in surprise and I gaped at him, slightly fucking stunned.
“Carlisle Cullen actually cleared his damn schedule? And for little ol’ me?” I asked
sarcastically. He rolled his eyes at me.
“Go get dressed,” he said, aggravated. I laughed and nodded, turning and heading for the
stairs. I went up to my bedroom and stripped, tossing my clothes over toward the hamper. I
went into the bathroom and got in the shower, washing off and trying to wake myself up
the rest of the way and get rid of the fogginess from my hangover. My head wasn’t
pounding anymore thankfully, I just felt grimy.
I got out when I was as clean and coherent as I’d fucking get and grabbed a towel, drying
off quickly. I wrapped it around my waist and walked into the bedroom, grabbing a pair of
jeans and a brown T-Shirt to wear. I got dressed quickly and walked back into the
bathroom, and was brushing my teeth when my bedroom door opened. I glanced out and
smiled as Isabella walked in. She glanced at me and smiled, walking over and standing in
the doorway.
“Are you and Dr. Cullen going away?” she asked, raising her eyebrows questioningly. I
nodded and spit, rinsing my toothbrush and mouth out. I grabbed my cologne and spritzed
myself quickly, turning and walking toward her. She took a few steps backwards, trying to
get out of my way, but I grabbed her hips and led her back toward the bed. Her knees hit
the end of it and she sat down on her ass. I smirked and leaned down, pressing my lips to
hers quickly and pushing her back onto her back. I kissed her deeply, parting her lips with
my tongue. She moaned and reached up, gripping onto my hair and kissing me back
furiously. I pulled back after a moment, smirking when I saw she was panting.
“We’re going to go play with our guns,” I said. “Target practice.”
Her eyes widened slightly with surprise and I saw a flash of panic on her face. “You’ll be
safe, won’t you?” she asked. My brow furrowed in confusion and I nodded.
“Yeah. Christ, Bella. He’s not going to fucking shoot me or anything. I look too much like
my mom, he’d never hurt me. I tested him a few times, he’s even pointed a gun at me
before and probably wanted to blow my fucking head off. But he couldn’t,” I said,
shrugging. I stupidly thought that would make her feel better but of course it backfired.
Her panicked expression grew and I groaned. “Seriously, it’s safe. Relax. We used to go all
the time.”
She stared at me for a moment before nodding, sitting back up. I moved away from her and
ran a hand through my hair. I glanced around the room, walking over and grabbing a
Chicago White Sox hat and putting it on. I grabbed my coat out of my closet and turned
back to Isabella, smiling. “You gonna miss me, tesoro?” I asked teasingly, cocking an
eyebrow at her. She smiled and nodded, bringing her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on
it.
“I always miss you when you aren’t here,” she said quietly. I chuckled, putting my coat on.
“Give it a few more months and you’ll start getting tired of my ass,” I said. I grabbed my
necessities, slipping them in my pockets, and she shook her head.
“Never,” she said. I smiled and walked over, placing another light kiss on her mouth.
“Great to hear, because I miss the fuck out of you when I’m not with you too. But you know,
what’s that shit they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever?” I said,
shrugging. “Me leaving just means you’ll love me even more when I get home.”
She laughed lightly. “I guess that’s one way to look at it,” she said. I nodded.
“Every cloud has a silver lining. Anyway, what were you and my dad talking about earlier? I
didn’t like waking up and finding you gone,” I said, looking at her. She smiled lightly.
“You were sleeping peacefully, I didn’t want to disturb you,” she said simply. I stared at
her, waiting for her to finish because I’d asked her a fucking question. She remained quiet,
though, just staring at me like she hadn’t heard the first part of it.
“You not gonna tell me what you were talking about?” I asked. Her eyes widened slightly
and I waited for a moment for her answer. Before she could answer, though, I heard
footsteps coming up the stairs and my father yelling my name. I groaned, walking over
quickly and kissing her once more. “We’ll talk when I get back.”
I walked over and opened my bedroom door, slipping out into the hallway as he hit the
third floor. He looked over at me, pausing.
“You ready?” he asked. I nodded, sighing and headed toward him. He turned around and
started down the steps and I followed behind him. We got to the foyer and he paused. “You
gonna shoot your gun or do you want one of mine from the basement?”
“Mine. I’ve been itching to shoot it,” I said, smiling. He nodded.
“Okay. We’ll take your car, you can drive,” he said. My eyes widened with surprise and I
nodded, smirking. “I’ll go grab my gun and meet you out in the car.”
I turned and headed out the front door, pulling my keys out and unlocking the doors to the
Volvo. I climbed in, fixing my seat because my father had been the last one to drive it and
he’d goddamn tampered with it again. He came out a few minutes later with a duffel bag
and opened the passenger door, tossing the bag into the backseat. He put his seatbelt on
and I started the car up, putting it in gear and pulling down the driveway.
I plugged the IPod in and turned some music on, sticking with classical because the other
shit often irked the hell out of him. I hit the main road out of Forks, heading toward Port
Angeles. We talked nonchalantly on the drive about random shit and I sped like a
motherfucker but he didn’t say anything about it, thankfully. We made it to Port Angeles in
about thirty minutes and I drove out to the firing range. My Dad approached the guy at the
front and talked to him for a few minutes, bribing that asshole because none of our guns
were legal or had permits. My dad finally slipped him some cash so he wouldn’t ask
questions he shouldn’t be asking.
I grabbed my glock from under the seat and slipped it in my waistband. My dad grabbed
his bag and we headed out onto the outdoor firing range, setting up. We were secluded,
thankfully not having to deal with anyone else being around. He started loading the M1
Garand I’d gotten him for Christmas and I pulled the glock out, letting the safety off of it.
We both started shooting after a moment, and I was a pretty damn good shot but I had
nothing on my father. That fucker count hit any target at any range square on, even a
moving target. I often wondered how many people died thanks to his impeccable aim, but
never asked. I doubted he’d ever accidentally shot anyone, as if he aimed at you, he’d hit
you. No stray bullets flying around from him.
I, on the other hand, was definitely capable of accidentally hitting someone as I missed the
target entirely more than once. We were pretty quiet for a while, just shooting and
occasionally saying a word or two, before he sighed and paused.
“You wanna try the Garand?” he asked, holding it out to me. I glanced at him and nodded,
taking it from him. I hesitated before holding my hand out, handing my gun over to him. I
loaded the Garand and aimed, firing once and hitting the target straight on. I smirked and
my dad laughed.
“That was pure luck,” he said, shaking his head. He loaded the glock and aimed it, of course
hitting the fucking target back to back as he unloaded the entire fucking thing quickly,
firing all 8 rounds. He smirked and glanced over at me.
“Fucking show off,” I mumbled. He laughed and reloaded the gun, shooting again. I took
another shot with the Garand, barely hitting the target dead center again. “See, that shit
wasn’t luck, that was skill. It’s not luck if it happens twice in a row.”
He laughed. “Yeah, you’re not so bad. You’ve got decent aim. You tend to hit what you’re
aiming to hit. Jacob can attest to that for sure.”
I groaned. “Fuck Jacob,” I muttered, firing off another shot. My dad glanced over at me but
thankfully didn’t say anything in response to that. We shot quietly for a moment before he
held my gun back out to me, taking the Garand back.
“That’s a pretty nice gun,” he said, as I reloaded it. I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, it does what it’s made for, easy to handle too,” I said. I got it loaded and aimed,
firing off a shot quickly. “I thought about bringing Isabella out here and teaching her to use
it, since even she’d be able to shoot it.”
The words slipped from my lips before I even realized what the fuck I was saying. I tensed
up slightly, squeezing the trigger, my shot completely fucking bypassing the target. My
father was watching me and sighed.
“Something tells me she’d have better aim than that,” he said, referring to my last shot. I
rolled my eyes, firing off another quickly and hitting my target. I smiled smugly. “I’d hope
you’d at least be man enough to talk to me about it before you ever pulled anything like
teaching her to use a gun.”
He fired off a shot and I sighed. “Of course I would,” I said, lying like a motherfucker
because I would’ve done it without even telling him. He laughed dryly, shaking his head.
“Yeah,” he mumbled. I fired a shot and the atmosphere was suddenly really fucking tense,
unspoken thoughts lingering in the air around us. We both had shit to say about the
situation, as it was obvious we both were aware that the other knew, but neither of us was
verbalizing the shit.
He fired off a few rounds more, the gunshots echoing and shattering the intense silence. He
lowered his gun after a second, sighing. We stood quietly, staring off into space, obviously
both contemplating.
I knew we’d come to the point where it would be out in the open, that we’d have to fucking
hash it out, because there was no slipping back into ignorance or even pretending. We both
fucking knew it. The only dilemma was whether to just say the shit myself and get it over
with, or wait for him to ask. Because it was clear he would, if I didn’t speak up. We were
well past evasiveness. I was weighing the pros and cons in my head of just blurting the shit
out, the main pro being that at least I wouldn’t feel like I was hiding shit anymore, but
there was that huge fucking con in the form of him holding a goddamn loaded gun in his
hand. I told Isabella he wouldn’t shoot me and I really believed that, but I never said he
was above shoving the fucking thing in my throat to scare the piss out of me.
He was taking the patient route, just standing there and fucking waiting casually for me to
crack, and the entire time I knew he was reading me. I wasn’t looking at him but I could
feel his eyes as he glanced in my direction. He was looking for the tells I gave off indicating
I was about to crack, as just by looking at me he could probably tell exactly what was going
through my mind. I was fighting off the urge to start fidgeting, because that would sure as
shit give me away, and I just stood still and tried to keep my expression as blank as
possible. He could probably sense the panic though, as the shit was rolling off of me in
waves, so just fucking standing there was useless. He’d know how I was feeling and what I
wanted to say before I even opened my goddamn mouth.
I remembered my brothers and even little ass Alice telling me to man up and just tell him,
because he knew any damn way and would respect me more if I was just out with it. And
they were probably right, especially because of his last statement about how he’d hope I’d
man up and talk to him before I did anything like teaching her to shoot a gun. Had there
been a hidden meaning behind that shit? Was he trying to tell me to man the fuck up? Is
that why he’d spoken to Isabella about it but not me? Was he holding out and waiting on be
to grow some fucking balls and be a goddamn man and admit it? Or was I just being
fucking paranoid?
Regardless, it didn’t matter. I loved her and nothing would change that. He could scream
and tell me I was fucking stupid, shove that gun in my throat and even pull the damn
trigger and it wouldn’t change anything. I’d love her until the day my heart stopped.
So I said fuck it. She was worth it.
“You know, I couldn’t help it,” I said quietly, trying to keep my voice even so not to show
my nerves even though he could sense them. “It’s not like I set out for it to happen. It was
the last thing I ever wanted. But it just… was.”
He was quiet, his silence grating on my nerves even more. I turned my head slightly to look
at him after a moment, unable to take it anymore, and saw he was staring at me. We made
eye contact and he nodded slightly after a second, but still kept his mouth shut. I gave him
another moment or two before I sighed, shaking my head.
“I know you’ve got a fucking opinion on it, no need to hold back. I can take it. Go ahead and
tell me how much of a fucking idiot I am, how I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
Tell me how fucking disgusted you are that your son would go so low as to fall in love with
the goddamn sla--.” I faltered at the end, unable to finish. “Christ, I can’t even fucking say
the word!” I snapped. I turned back to the target and rose my gun up, firing off the rest of
the shots simultaneous, my hands shaking with my anger, my temper boiling up. I knew
that was exactly what he wanted, how he always fucking cracked me and I’d played right
into his hands again, but I couldn’t help it.
He was quiet for a second before sighing. “Slave.” I glanced over at him, narrowing my eyes
as he said the word so nonchalantly, the anger increasing. “Whether or not you say it
doesn’t change anything, doesn’t make her more or less of one. It’s just a word.”
“She said the same thing,” I said, remembering her saying that when the organization was
visiting from Chicago and I couldn’t say that word to her. My father nodded.
“So you think you love her?” he asked quietly, glancing out toward the targets. I laughed
dryly, shaking my head.
“There’s no thinking about it. I know I love her,” I said. He nodded again and continued to
stare off onto the range. I just stood there and stared at him, every second that ticked by
increasing my anxiety on the situation. It was never a good fucking thing when he was that
quiet—that meant he was trapped in his mind, and his thoughts could be fucking scary.
“Is that all you have to say?” I snapped after a moment, my anxiety causing my temper to
boil over one again. “I said I can fucking take it. Tell me we can’t be together. Tell me it’s
impossible, that it’s wrong, that it’ll never fucking work because people like her and people
like me don’t belong anywhere near each other. Tell me she’s not good enough for me, that
she’s lower than us, that she doesn’t fucking mean anything and isn’t worth it.”
He turned his head to look at me, raising his eyebrows questioningly. “Is that what you
want to hear? Do you want me to tell you not to be with her?”
I narrowed my eyes. “No,” I said sharply. He nodded and glanced back away.
“You know, I have nothing personally aga---,” he started, cutting himself short and sighing.
He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering ‘cazzo’ under his breath.
“Isabella Swan has never done anything to deserve any hatred from me.”
I looked at him suspiciously, as he’d chosen those words goddamn carefully for some
reason. “She’s never done anything to anyone to deserve the bullshit she’s been put
through, but they still put her through it,’ I said. Just because she didn’t fucking deserve his
hatred didn’t mean she didn’t have it. He hadn’t said he didn’t hate her, just that she didn’t
deserve it.
“Very true, son,” he said, glancing down at his watch before looking at me. “How about we
go get something to eat and we can talk.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “In public? You know it would be a lot easier on you just to
fucking off me right here.”
He shook his head, groaning. “What kind of person do you take me for? Fuck, I’m not going
to kill you, son. I’m not a damn savage.”
“Well, fuck, Dad. I kinda thought you might be the kind of person who can bind and gag a
fucking innocent girl. Good to know I was wrong about that shit,” I said sarcastically, once
again opening my goddamn mouth and speaking without thinking about what I was saying.
As soon as the words registered I looked over at my father apprehensively. He glanced at
me and I saw the anger in his eyes but he tried to contain it, push it back.
“I’m a man who makes mistakes, some of them quite big. I’m a man who doesn’t expect to
be forgiven for his mistakes, but a man who does expect his child to respect him enough
not to throw them in his face when he’s trying to be civilized and discuss a heavy fucking
topic with sensitivity,” he said sharply. “If you want to hash this out using our anger, we
can, Edward. I was hoping we could discuss it like adults, but if you prefer it otherwise
that’s fine. It’s your situation, affects your life, so how we handle it can be up to you.”
I hesitated, sighing. “I shouldn’t have said that shit,” I mumbled. He nodded.

“Are you going to apologize to me?” he asked. I narrowed my eyes.
“I’ll apologize to you for saying it when you apologize to her for doing it,” I said, the anger
rising up again. He looked at me for a second before the corner of his lips turned up
slightly.
“Touché,” he said. “Come on, let’s go.”
He started throwing his stuff back in the duffel bag, zipping it up. I put the safety on and
slipped my gun in my waistband. He headed toward the car and I followed behind him. He
walked over to the driver’s side and held his hand out to me, wanting the goddamn keys,
and instinctively I wanted to argue and get pissy but I knew the situation was already pretty
fucking unstable so being a finicky prick wouldn’t help my cause at all. I took a deep breath
and reached into my pocket, pulling the keys out and handing them to him. He unlocked
the car and I climbed in the passenger side, grumbling under my breath. I pulled my gun
from my waistband and opened the glove compartment, tossing it inside as he started the
car up and pulled away.
He drove across town to a small locally owned restaurant and we were seated right away,
away from everyone else because my father requested it. We sat down and I glanced at the
menu, ordering the first fucking thing I saw because I really had no appetite and wouldn’t
really eat the shit anyway. The waiter came back with our drinks after a moment and we sat
quietly, listening to the faint chatter of other customers and the background noise provided
by the TV playing. After about 15 or 20 minutes they brought our food out and I started
shifting it around with my fork, feeling a bit queasy. My dad ate a bit before sighing,
“When you were four, your mother and I left you and your brothers alone overnight at
Esme and Alec’s for the first time,” he said. I glanced over at him with confusion,
wondering what the fuck he was telling me that for.
“Well, thanks,” I said sarcastically. “I’m sure it was tons of fucking fun. I was probably
goddamn terrified.”
He smiled with amusement, nodding. “You were. You were always such a passive kid but
that day you snapped and had your first real meltdown. Damn near made your mother
back out, but it was our anniversary and we had a trip to Vegas planned so I was insistent
she let you deal.”
I nodded. “I remember that shit faintly. I mean, not that day or anything, but I remember
being dropped off with Alec and freaking out, and you giving me a look that basically said
‘quit being a goddamn pussy and knock it the fuck off’,” I said. He laughed.
“Yeah, you hated going there,” he said. I nodded, taking a bite of my food. He did the same
and I sighed.
“Ya know, that’s a nice story and all Dad, thanks for reminiscing, but what does that have
to do with this situation?” I asked. He stared at me for a second, the amusement dying.
“You can drop the sarcasm,” he said. I sighed, nodding, knowing that shit wasn’t helping
but I was annoyed and nervous. “That first weekend we dropped you boys off and went to
Vegas, your grandfather called and tracked me down, interrupted our weekend before it
ever really started. Your mother was quite upset but there wasn’t anything I could do about
it. He gave the orders and I had to follow them.”
He paused, pushing his food around on his plate. “He told me he needed me to drive to
Phoenix the next morning to pick up some paperwork pertaining to the Casinos.”
I froze, glancing at him. “Phoenix? As in, the Swans?” I asked. He sighed, nodding.
“That was the first time we ever saw Isabella. She was three. We’d just gotten out of the car
and this tiny little thing came running straight at your mother. Literally ran right into her,”
he said. I stared at him, a whirlwind of emotions running through me, quite fucking
shocked that he’d known about Isabella since she was 3. I was even more stunned that my
mother had actually met her before.
“Wow,” I mumbled, unsure of what to fucking say about that.
“Yeah. She was a sweet girl, quite outgoing. Practically begged your mother to play with her
because she didn’t have any friends,” he said. “Your mother, of course, was more than
happy to oblige.”
I felt an ache in my chest at that—the fact that my mother played with my girl because she
was so alone. I felt the emotion rising up, a fucking bittersweet mixture of joy and pain, but
fought that shit back before I started getting teary eyed and embarrassed myself.
“Sounds like mom,” I said simply. He nodded.
“Yeah. When we were leaving, Isabella asked your mother to come back and play with her.
Even gave me a hug and thanked me for visiting her. She was so naïve.” He paused again
and seemed to be contemplating something. He glanced over at me apprehensively. “Your
mother and I did return a few times after that. We even took you along once.”
My eyes widened with shock. “You took me to the Swan’s with you?” I asked. He nodded.
“I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You’d just turned five at the time. You’ve been
quite spoiled in life, have spent years travelling around the world and meeting countless
people, experiencing things. A few hour trip to the desert when you were five wouldn’t have
stood out as anything special. I’m more surprised Isabella didn’t remember it, though. She
was so sheltered and kept away from the world that it would’ve stood out to her. But then
again she was only three and has endured a lot since then, so maybe it’s expected that she’d
forget,” he said, shrugging.
I just stared at him, trying to make sense of what the fuck he’d just said. “Are you telling me
Isabella and I met when we were little?” I asked, needing some goddamn clarification. He
nodded.
“Yeah, but it was a fairly brief visit. Your mother stayed outside with you and Isabella while
I handled work. You never saw her again after that until I got her a few months ago,” he
said. “Anyway, like I said, she didn’t remember it either. I was a stranger to her when I
picked her up from the Swans. We all were.”
I sighed, nodding, still fucking stunned about the entire thing. I sat quietly for a moment
trying to sort things through.
“Did Esme know that mom met Isabella?” I asked curiously. He stared at me for a moment
before nodding hesitantly.
“Yes, why?” he asked. I sighed, shrugging.
“I just remember her saying something about how mom wouldn’t have been able to not
love Isabella, so I was just wondering if she pulled that shit out of left field or if she actually
knew it,” I said. He stared at me for a second and I could tell his mind was working, that he
was thinking about something carefully. He was fucking holding back, considering his
words carefully. What was with people being all goddamn secretive and evasive with me?
“Yeah, I guess you could say your mother couldn’t help her fondness of the girl. She was a
charming child. Still is quite charming, I suppose, if she’s managed to get to you,” he said.
I nodded. We were both quiet as I pushed my food around on my plate. He cleared his
throat after a few minutes and I glanced back up at him to see a serious expression on his
face.
“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Isabella, Edward, and I want you to listen to me
very carefully,” he said, his tone matter-of-factly. I nodded, my anxiety increasing. “I’m not
going to stop whatever it is the two of you having going on, because right now it’s relatively
harmless. You both seem happy, and heaven knows both you and that child could use a bit
of it. But I’m telling you right now, I don’t want to see it or hear about it. There’s a certain
amount you’re unable to keep from reaching me, I’m aware of that. It’s already gotten
around to me several times in the form of gossip, usually from Heidi, and I won’t fault you
for that. But the very first time I walk into my household and see the two of you making out
or you start discussing your sex life with her in my presence, like you used to with those
other girls, I will step in. You may care for the child Edward but she isn’t yours. And you’re
probably going to despise me for saying this, and I hate having to say this to my child about
someone he loves, but she does not belong to you. Don’t you forget that. Regardless of your
feelings for her, I’m in charge of her, and the first time she starts neglecting what I tell her
to do for you, I’ll step in.”
I narrowed my eyes, my anger boiling over, and he must’ve sensed my impending explosion
because he held his hand up to stop me before I even started. His expression shifted almost
to anger quickly from the calm mask he was wearing. It was enough to delay my rage long
enough for him to continue.
“I’m not going to harm her physically. But I can send her away, and I will, if you force my
hand. I’m not asking for much here, Edward, and I believe I’m being quite fair about the
matter. I’m not giving you my blessing to be with the child, nor am I forbidding it. I’m
neutral in this matter, maybe not entirely happy about it but my opinion isn’t relative at the
moment.” He paused, sighing. “I guess as Isabella would say, I’m Switzerland.”
I stared at him for a second before nodding. “Okay,” I said, slightly confused about his
stance but I wasn’t exactly going to throw a fit and try to argue if he wasn’t forbidding me
from being with her. Quite frankly, there would be no forbidding because I wouldn’t allow
that shit to happen, but I was glad he wasn’t trying.
“You just watch yourself, you hear me? I’m not making any guarantees for the future,
because none of us know what’s going to happen. But one thing I do know is that it’s surely
not going to be easy, at all. I hate complication, you know that, and this is a big
complication. The two of you stay out of my way, keep to yourselves and mind your own
business, and I’ll mind mine. I don’t want to be the bad guy here, Edward. Don’t make me
be,” he said. I nodded.
“Fair enough,” I said. He gazed at me for a second before turning his attention back to his
food.
“You know, I wonder if you understand exactly what it is you’re getting yourself into with
her,” he said, shaking his head. There was a tinge of amusement in his voice that I didn’t
appreciate very much because it felt almost mocking.
“Well, ya know Dad, I’m kinda sorta fucking hoping that the asshole who owns her won’t
own her forever,” I said sharply.
His eyes snapped back in my direction, the anger flaring in them. He stared at me for a
moment before it died down somewhat. “Well that’s a nice piece of information to have,
but slavery wasn’t what I was talking about. ” he said coolly.
“Then what were you talking about?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. He sighed,
shaking his head.
“Did you ever stop to wonder why I’d ask you of all people to try to teach her how to drive,
Edward? The most volatile person in the family?” he asked.
“To try to break us apart,” I said, staring at him.
“Have you not been listening to me? Damnit, son, are you that dense? I just sat here and
said I didn’t want to have to break you apart. I’m not that heartless,” he said, his voice full
of irritation. “I swear, sometimes I wonder what your true opinion of me must be. You
must think of me as some intentionally cruel and callous person who gets off on hurting
people, when I’m not. Do you truly think your mother would’ve stayed with me had I been
that fucking horrible?”
He was getting really angry and offended, I could tell it from his words, although he was
keeping his tone even because we were in public. He stared at me for a second, obviously
wanting me to answer that, and I sighed because I’d been fucking hoping it was rhetorical.
“I don’t know. I have no idea what was going on in my mothers head,” I said. “But I am
quite sure she wouldn’t have been happy about you buying Isabella and bringing her here
like this, especially if she was so fucking fond of her like you claim.”
He shook his head. “You were still young when your mother… died,” he said, fumbling with
the word. “I’m surprised you remember as much about her as you do, but quite frankly
your view was skewed because of your age. I’ve done a lot over the years that would
disappoint your mother, including walking out on you boys and what I did to Isabella that
day, but I am quite positive she wouldn’t be upset about me buying her. She’d fucking
thank me for it,” he said sharply.
My eyes narrowed. “You think my mother would thank you for owning a goddamn slave?
For degrading another person like that, taking away their freedom? You’re fucking sick if
you believe that,” I snapped, pissed off that he was casting my mother in that light. Yeah,
I’d been young but she had never done anything to harm another person. She was fucking
compassionate and loving.
He slammed his fist against the table, his rage overflowing. “Who are you to talk to me
about degrading people? Look how you’ve treated everyone!”
“And whose fucking fault is that, huh? Whose fucking fault is it that I’m so goddamn fucked
up? Whose fault is it that I had to watch her fucking die?” I snapped, pushing my chair
backwards and standing up. He glared at me, his hands clenched into fists, his nostrils
flaring. He wanted to fucking hit me, I knew it, and I was goddamn lucky we were in public
or he definitely would’ve.
“Not mine,” he said, his voice low and laced with anger. I narrowed my eyes and went to
counter that shit, because as far as I knew he held more blame than anyone, but a voice
cleared beside us. We both looked over and saw the manager standing there, staring at us. I
glanced around and saw others staring at us, as we were apparently yelling louder than I
thought. I sighed, shaking my head. My dad stood up and pulled some cash out of his
wallet, throwing it down on the table. He pulled the keys out and started walking out. I
hesitated, pissed off, but followed behind him after a minute.
We got in the car and he started it up, pulling away from the restaurant. We were both
silent, lost in our own minds. He was driving barely the speed limit so I knew it would take
us fucking forever to get home.
We pulled up in front of the house finally and he sighed loudly, breaking the tense silence.
He pulled the keys from the ignition and I went for the door handle but he reached over
and grabbed a hold of me to stop me. I glanced at him with confusion, wondering what the
fuck he wanted, and saw he was frowning. The anger was gone but was replaced more with
a hurt or a saddened expression.
“I had you teach her how to drive because, like I said, I don’t think you exactly understand
what you’re getting yourself into. She’s been cut off from the world her entire life. She
doesn’t know things and hasn’t experienced things the rest of us take for granted. In the
confines of your bedroom maybe things are perfect between the two of you, but that’s not
the real world. If you want even a chance with her in the real world you’re going to have to
find patience. It’s going to be infuriating for you and frightening for her. Despite her
hardships, she’s utterly naïve, son. And on the off chance that the two of you do someday
find a chance out in the world together, I figured it would be better if you’ve gotten at least
a little bit of experience dealing with that part of her. Because it’s going to be there, every
step of the way, and it’s going to fall on your fucking shoulders because it’s not as if you can
take her to a psychologist without finding yourself in a world of shit. You’re going to have
to hold her hand and lead her, try to teach her common sense, because when you’re raised
in a damn barn in the middle of a desert, you don’t have the common sense necessary to
live any way but the way she has. It’s all she knows. I was trying to help you, Edward. Not
hurt you,” he said.
I stared at him with shock, feeling guilty immediately. I opened my mouth to speak but he
held his hand up to stop me.
“Life is fucked up, you know. It’s not all this shit you read in fiction or see on TV. Things
aren’t packaged nicely and wrapped up in a perfect little bow. Things aren’t always
rainbows and sunshine and happiness. It gets ugly, and messy, and it’s not always fun. You
think your mother would be disappointed in me for bringing Isabella into this household
under these conditions? I think you’re wrong. Would she like it? No. I don’t even like it. But
it is what it is, Edward. I do, however, think your mother would’ve been highly
disappointed had I thrown that child out into the world blindly and expected her to be able
to survive. She can survive her masters and keep her head up, not allow herself to break,
but tell me something Edward. Had I called her a family friend and enrolled her in Forks
High School as soon as she got here, do you really think she would’ve survived it? Because I
know the answer to that, and it’s no. She wouldn’t have. She knows what she knows, and
that’s that. She knows slavery and pain, the rest has to be weaned in gradually for her to
even have a fucking shot of surviving real life. She can endure someone whipping her ass,
but do you think she would’ve been able to endure your puttani from day one, fending for
herself against their ugliness? She wouldn’t have. Our life was too foreign to her and she’s
trained to be submissive. They would’ve eaten her alive.”
He paused and I just sat silently, because I could hear the forcefulness in his voice
indicating he meant fucking business. I was goddamn stunned, didn’t even know what to
say anyway. I never even considered that shit, had been too focused on what he was doing
wrong in my terms to even stop and think about what might be best for her in her terms.
“I’ve given Isabella exactly what she needed. She needed structure; she needed a semblance
of her normal before she could be introduced to what’s normal to us. Because they’re
entirely two different things, Edward. You love her? Fine, love her. But don’t you dare
contradict me or believe for even a second that you know better than I do in this situation. I
know what I’m doing, and you may not like it or understand, but it’s exactly what needs to
be done. This isn’t fun for me, son, I’m not enjoying a bit of this. But I’m doing it, and that
should be enough to earn your damn respect.”
He glanced over at me and grabbed a hold of my arm, startling me. I tensed up, waiting on
him to fucking punch me or something, but instead he started fumbling with my watch and
pulling it off. He threw it onto the floor and held my arm up.
“Fiducia Nessuno,” he said sharply, motioning toward the tattoo on my wrist that was
under my watch. “Trust No One. It’s bullshit, Edward. That’s no goddamn way to live and
you’re going to have to trust me. And maybe that’s hard for you, but it’s necessary. Isabella
belongs to me and not you, and if you ever want a real shot with her you’ve gotta stop
acting as if you’re powerful or wise because you’re neither. You’re weak and naïve, almost
as naïve as her. It’s hard, but you’ve gotta learn to mind your own business and trust that
I’m doing what needs to be done. I was hoping like hell I wouldn’t have to confront you like
this, but you need to watch yourself and stop doubting me. I tell you what you need to
know, no more and no less, and I allow what I can allow. Love her if you want, but leave the
decisions to me. You’ve got to grasp that son or I’m going to lose you just like I lost your
mother.”
He threw my arm down harshly and opened the door, grabbing his bag and climbing out.
He tossed the keys at me roughly, smacking me in the chest with them pretty hard, and I
cringed when he slammed the car door hard, vibrating the windows. I sat still for a
moment, fucking stunned and having no idea what the fuck just happened. I’d never heard
him speak so passionately and intensely about something, sounding so goddamn sure
about it. He was always so cool and collected about everything.
I got out of the car after a moment, shutting the door and locking it up, and headed into the
house. I went straight up the stair to the third floor, glancing toward my father’s office on
the second floor, wondering if that’s where he was. After everything he said about doubting
him and minding my own business I had to wonder if maybe he knew I’d snooped around
in his office.
I made it up to my room, opening the door and freezing. The corner of my lips turned up
immediately when I saw Isabella lying in the middle on my bed, sprawled out on her back
with her arms and legs spread out like she was making a goddamn snow angel or
something. She was sleeping, out cold with the most peaceful expression on her face.
I shut the door quietly and pulled my coat off, walking over and laying it on my desk chair.
I took my shoes off, pushing them aside, and sat down on the edge of the bed carefully,
trying not to disturb her. She felt the bed shift slightly with my weight and stirred,
mumbling to herself. My smile grew as I heard “love Edward” escape her lips, her voice
gritty with sleep and pure fucking sexy. I lay down beside her in the bed, scooting closer to
her and she stirred some more. Her eyelids fluttered open and she blinked a few times,
turning her head slowly to look at me. She smiled after we made eye contact, her face
lighting up with joy.
“La mia bella ragazza,” I said softly. “Napping in the middle of the afternoon?”
She smiled sheepishly. “I ran out of stuff to do. Everything’s clean and in order. I even
washed the windows,” she said, shrugging. I smirked, nodding.
“Understandable,” I said. “A nap actually sounds pretty fucking good to me right now.”
She eyed me curiously for a moment, raising her eyebrows questioningly. “Bad day?” she
asked. I sighed, shaking my head and gazing at her.
“It was pretty fucking long and confusing, but I wouldn’t call it a bad day. Any day that
includes lying in bed with you, tesoro, can’t be bad,” I said softly.
Her smile grew and I pulled her into my arms, snuggling up to her. She sighed contently,
wrapping her arms around me and nuzzling into my neck, placing a soft kiss on my skin
that sent a shiver ripping through me.
“Do you remember the rest of the poem yet?” she asked quietly after a moment. I smiled.
“Which poem was that, Isabella?” I asked, wondering how close she was listening and if
she’d remember what I said it was called. She sighed.
“La Vita Nuova?” she asked, getting the title right for the most part but her pronunciation
was utterly ridiculous. I chuckled.
“Yeah, La Vita Nuova. But no, I can’t remember it all. I remember the part that matters,” I
said, shrugging. She laughed lightly.
“Okay,” she said. “It sounded pretty. I like the title.”
I smirked. “Yeah, kinda fitting too. It means ‘The New Life’. It’s about a man’s eternal love
for a woman, starting from their first meeting when they were kids until death.” She shifted
around slightly, lifting her head up to look at me. I gazed at her and saw the questions in
her eyes, the curiosity. “Do you remember meeting me when we were little, Bella?”
Her eyes widened slightly with surprise at my question. She shook her head no hesitantly.
“Your dad told me this morning that we did but I don’t remember,” she mumbled,
sounding almost embarrassed about it. I smiled lightly, nodding.
“Yeah, me neither. Too bad. I bet you were adorable. Hell, I bet we were fucking cute
together,” I said. She laughed.
“Actually, I was dirty apparently,” she said. “I remember your mom telling me I was dirty.”
I tensed up slightly, stunned. “You remember my mom?” I asked, surprised that she hadn’t
fucking told me that shit before now. She sighed, nodding.
“I didn’t. But after you showed me the picture I dreamed of her. I didn’t say anything
because I didn’t know how accurate it was, so I asked your dad this morning,” she said.
“So that was why you didn’t answer my question this morning when I asked what you and
my father talked about,” I said. She nodded and I lay quietly for a moment, thinking. I
guess I could see why she didn’t just fucking blurt it out right then and there, but I still
didn’t like her keeping the shit to herself. “My Dad said she was fond of you,” I said
eventually.
“Yeah. She was my first friend. Really my only friend, I guess. I was young, I didn’t know
any better,” she mumbled. I sighed, squeezing her in a hug, feeling bad that she’d felt so
goddamn alone growing up.
“Yeah well, I told you she would’ve fucking loved you had she known you. And I was right,”
I said. “Just didn’t know she actually had known you.”
She hummed in response and I glanced down, seeing her eyes were closed. I sighed,
knowing we’d have plenty of fucking time in the future to talk about shit, and allowed my
eyes to close. I held her to me tightly, feeling her warmth and smelling her sweet
strawberry tinged pure fucking feminine smell, never wanting to let her go. I loved her, and
I was still utterly confused about everything my father had said and how that shit was going
to affect us, what it meant for our future. It quite frankly had rocked me, but I had faith
now more than ever that her and I could possibly have a future together. I knew I needed to
be cautious and play my cards right, though. I had to do right by her.
“Edward?” she mumbled after a few minutes. I hummed in response, barely on the verge of
consciousness. “Thank you for loving me.”
I smiled lightly, forcing my eyes open to glance down at her. She had that peaceful look
about her again, an almost angelic glow that harmed my fucking heart. “Suo il mio piacere,”
I said quietly in response.
It’s my pleasure.
*****
La mia bella ragazza – My beautiful girl

Non capisco – I don’t understand
Tanto gentile e tanto onesta pare la donna mia - "So kind and so honest my lady appears
to be .."
Bagasce – bitches/whores/harlots
Chi s'occupa coi i suoi propri affari, va continuare per cent'anni - Whoever occupies
himself with his own affairs will live a hundred years.
Cazzo – a curse, equivalent of fuck/shit
Puttani - Whores
Fiducia Nessuno – Trust No One
La Vita Nuova - The New Life
Suo il mio piacere – It’s My Pleasure
Chapter 46 The First Step
“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the
environment in which you first find yourself.” -- Mark Caine
I sat back on my knees and glanced around in front of me, humming to myself along with
the song playing in my earbuds from my music player. The kitchen floor was practically
sparking, as I’d been on my hands and knees scrubbing every inch of it for well over an
hour. I used to have to detail floors at the Swan house as punishment, only allowed to use a
toothbrush that was usually missing half of its bristles. It would take nearly a day to get it
completed, and by the time it was satisfactory enough for Charles to allow us to stop
scrubbing his wife would come stomping in, dragging dirt and sand in with her. We’d be
made to clean it once more and the cycle would continue as so. She did it on purpose,
found it amusing that I’d end up having to stay up all night long and forgo sleep to get it
back clean, and the next day was always extra torturous, trying to function and not make
any mistakes on no sleep.
I realized I’d never really detailed the kitchen floor at the Cullen’s house, I guess because
no one had ever said anything to me about it. Dr. Cullen seemed happy enough with just a
quick mopping every few days. Surprisingly, Dr. Cullen rarely even spoke about cleaning.
The few times I stupidly got behind or missed something, he usually just overlooked it or
would simply make a small comment to point it out to me. He never seemed very angry and
I always did it right away, apologizing continually the entire time. Just this past Wednesday
it completely slipped my mind that I was supposed to change the sheets on Dr. Cullen’s
bed. I have no idea how it ever possibly slipped my mind, as it was part of my routine and
structure and I’d never before forgot to stick to my set schedule. Dr. Cullen mentioned it
when he got home that night and I did it right away, frightened the entire time that he was
going to punish me. If I’d forgotten something as vital as changing my master’s sheets on
time in Phoenix, Charles would’ve beaten the crap out of me, using the dirty sheets to tie
me up for kicks.
But Dr. Cullen did nothing of the sort. After I’d finished and apologized once more for
forgetting, he simply thanked me. He thanked me, after I’d neglected my duties, for doing
something I should’ve done hours previously. It was strange. Sometimes I felt like I was
living in the Twilight Zone at the Cullen’s house with how fast and drastically things had
changed in my life over the past few months. In fact, just the fact that I knew what the
Twilight Zone was should’ve been a big sign that my life was completely different now. I
never imagined living an existence where I could just throw down the broom and put the
laundry on hold for a bit in order to turn on the television and catch a program in the
middle of the afternoon, and no one would bat an eyelash at it or consider it me being
rebellious. Part of me wondered if anyone in Phoenix would even ever recognize me
anymore as the same person, if I’d ever be able to function in the life I’d come from. I was
so used to having a bit of choice, allowed to have an opinion most of the time, that I wasn’t
sure I could ever go back to not being able to have it.
Oddly, a lot of it had happened without me even realizing it. I just found myself doing
things that I’d never before even imagined I’d do, but now it just seemed to happen without
me even thinking about it. Before I’d come into the Cullen house I was constantly focused
on the tasks at hand, needing to stay out of trouble and going above and beyond to please
people. But now it seemed as if I was thinking about myself more, and I wasn’t entirely sure
if that was a good or a bad thing. Edward seemed happy about it, pleased that I’d grown
more outspoken about what it is I wanted, but it still felt sort of wrong to me. Like it wasn’t
my place to inject my opinion into things, that I had no right to have desires and actually
strive to obtain them. Who was I to ask for things? Logically I was still just a slave. But the
problem was, I was starting to not think of myself that way and I had to admit that was a
bit frightening. I was just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me, waiting for
the day when it all came crashing down. Because there was no way it wouldn’t, there was
absolutely no way that this was how my life would be now. The fact that I could even call
what I had now a ‘life’ was stunning enough as it was. But to actually live, and do things,
and not just float on by waiting until my time was over was almost overwhelming.
The past few weeks had flown by quickly and had been a whirlwind of emotions. It’s been a
month since Dr. Cullen’s birthday and today was Friday, February 10th. Just the fact that I
continually kept up with the date surprised even me, as months would go by in Phoenix
before I even bothered to wonder when in the year it was. Edward helped a lot with keeping
me in check, and I often felt like without him in my life things would’ve turned disastrous
on a few occasions. But he’d grown quite supportive and persistent for some reason,
wanting me to gain some ‘independence’ as he called it. I wasn’t sure how I felt about
independence, as it went along with having ‘freedom’. Those concepts were still quite
foreign. But he was almost insistent that I find some independence, as he proclaimed
someday I’d also gain that ‘freedom’, so he made his duty to help me. He took me driving
again on more than one occasion, declaring the last time that I’d done so good that he
didn’t fear for his life. He’d been joking, of course, but it still made me proud as every other
time he stated that he was sure I was trying to kill him.
He’d even started doing other random things, like taking the monopoly game Emmett had
given me for Christmas and making me learn how to play it, telling me it would benefit me
to learn math and how to handle money. I picked up on it quickly and even enjoyed it.
Emmett had whined when he found out Edward taught me how to play it, whining about
how he was supposed to teach me, but Edward simply said ‘you snooze you lose fucker’. I
promised Emmett I’d play a game with him eventually, but the fact of the matter was he
was never home. Emmett was usually always gone with Rose and preparing for college, as
him and Jasper were both graduating this year and going off to school. That made me
slightly nervous, those two leaving, but I tried not to think about what that meant for me.
I wondered if maybe Edward’s recent behavior was because our relationship was out in the
open within the household so we didn’t have as much stress on our shoulders, didn’t
exactly have to hide it anymore. We kept our distance when Dr. Cullen was present, we’d
speak and occasionally share innocent touches but we never flaunted it, both of us wanting
to respect his wishes. I was surprised Edward was so willing to go along with what Dr.
Cullen wanted, as I honestly had expected him to try to push limits and cross boundaries
just to see how far he could get before his father deemed it ‘too far’. But I was thankful he
didn’t. In fact, Edward seemed to have leveled off temperamentally the past few weeks. He
still lost his temper sometimes but he’d been working quite hard to contain himself, trying
not to snap at people. He succeeded for the most part, but there were still moments where
it would be too much for him to handle and he would flip out, and as usual I’d wait it out
and allow him to get it off of his chest.
It even seemed as if the relationship between Edward and Dr. Cullen had leveled off. There
had always seemed to be an anger or resentment to Edward that was aimed at his father for
some reason, as it was often noticeable when he spoke of him or to him. Although the slight
tension was still there sometimes, it was as if they’d come to some sort of unspoken
understanding. I asked Edward about it more than once but each time he shrugged it off,
telling me I was seeing things that weren’t there, or that I was overreacting and they just
had that type of relationship. It didn’t make sense for him to lie about it, as he’d never been
one to hide his discontent about something before, so I didn’t press the issue although it
still felt like there was something lingering in the air between them.
I think the most surprising thing of all was the fact that Edward had backed off of his desire
to dig for information for the most part. He still seemed suspicious sometimes and he’d
make little comments that struck me as odd, so I knew he still thought about it often. I
didn’t blame him, I also was curious as to what secrets his father could possibly be holding
pertaining to me. But I was glad he wasn’t pushing for answers. I’d be really worried as to
how I was ever going to manage to dissuade Edward from snooping around without
exposing the things his father had said to me so I was glad I really didn’t have to do
anything. As far as I was aware he hadn’t done any digging at all over the past few weeks,
but then again I couldn’t be entirely sure, as he’d never even told me about the first time he
went snooping around. Edward got angry with me for keeping things from him and would
almost lecture me about it, but the fact was he was being quite hypocritical by never
exposing his own deeds to me.
The song on my music player changed, ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ coming on. I smiled
and started humming along to it, as it was quite catchy. I’d been surprised Edward put it on
my player, as it didn’t seem like a song he’d enjoy, but he told me it was one that was Alice’s
doing. Evidently Alice declared that no girl should be without that song, that it was our
‘anthem’, whatever that was supposed to mean.
I stood up, stretching my body out and singing along to the words of the chorus. I’d woken
up this morning and decided to detail the kitchen floor once the realization hit me that I’d
never detailed it before. And it was strange, making a conscious decision to clean and not
just cleaning because I had to. It was nice, doing something because I decided to do it, and
it gave me a strange sense of pride. You never truly appreciate your ability to make a
decision for yourself and your time unless you’ve ever had that right taken away from you.
I turned around and my eyes caught a glimpse of something in the doorway. I froze and
gasped loudly, tensing up when I saw Dr. Cullen. He was standing there gazing at me, arms
crossed over his chest and leaning against the doorframe. I reached up and pulled the
earbuds from my ears immediately, staring at him with apprehension. He smiled lightly at
me and I smiled sheepishly, realizing I’d been singing out loud and he’d likely heard me.
“Uh, sorry, sir,” I mumbled. “I, uh…” I glanced over at the clock, my brow furrowing in
confusion when I realized it was only a little past noon. “I didn’t realize you’d be home.”
He nodded. “I technically had the day off of work but decided to go in for a few hours this
morning for paperwork. I actually have the whole next week off. I’m leaving for Chicago for
a few days,” he said.
“Oh,” I said. “I didn’t know.”
He nodded once more. “Of course you didn’t. How could you? I surely didn’t tell you and
you’re not expected to be a psychic.” He smiled after a second, shaking his head. “Alice is
our all-knowing one.”
I looked at him with surprise. “Alice?” I said. He nodded, still smiling.
“She says she gets ‘feelings’, I suppose you could say. Senses things. She made me a lot of
money when she was 11 and picked my stocks for me,” he said, laughing to himself. “I don’t
know how she did it, but she did.”
My brow furrowed in confusion, unsure of what he was talking about. “Stocks?” I asked
hesitantly. He gazed at me for a moment before sighing.
“Yes, stocks. It’s kind of like you pick a product and invest some money in the creation of
that product. If the product does well, you make money off of your investment. If it does
badly, you lose money,” he said, shrugging. “That’s what stocks are like, but it’s not
necessarily tangible items. You invest in businesses and such.”
I nodded, understanding because it was sort of like when you buy utilities and stuff in
Monopoly, and stood quietly because I didn’t entirely know what to say to him. Dr. Cullen’s
presence still made me as anxious as ever and I ventured to guess I’d likely never be
entirely comfortable with him. We had, however, seemed to have come to an
understanding of our own over the last month, ever since that day we spent in his office in
the hospital. He’d made himself very clear that afternoon and I’d done everything I could
think of to respect his wishes, to meet his expectations. That morning after Edward had
shown me that picture of his mother and I dreamed of her, I’d been heading downstairs
and ran into Dr. Cullen on the second floor. He’d seemed surprised to see me for some
reason and paused, eyeing me. I stood in spot, just gazing at him, unsure of what he was
thinking or what he was going to say. Less than 24 hours previously I’d admitted to him
that I was in love with his son and he’d basically informed me that if I wanted both of us to
stay out of harms way I’d have to follow his orders and deceive Edward. That was hard,
being evasive with the one person I never wanted to shield anything from, and part of me
wanted to hate Dr. Cullen even more for putting me in that position. But I couldn’t seem to
make myself hate him, because the fact of the matter was I understood him. I doubted I’d
ever look at him and feel any sort of happiness, but how could I really hate someone who
cared so much that he’d do anything to keep Edward safe?
He was eyeing me curiously, as if he were reading me again, and I wanted to turn around
and walk away but I was afraid he’d feel that was disrespectful. So I just stood there with
my eyes on the ground, every few seconds glancing up at him in an attempt to gauge what
he was doing or possibly thinking. He finally sighed after awhile and I glanced up again,
making eye contact with him.
He suggested we talk in his office and I tensed up slightly but nodded, following Dr. Cullen.
He shut the door behind us, sitting down, and glanced at me curiously. We sat there
silently for a bit and he had a questioning look on his face. It took me a moment before it
struck me that he was waiting on me to start, as somehow he’d been able to tell something
was on my mind. Edward always said his father could read people easily, but it wasn’t until
now that I truly grasped how good at it he was. He was waiting me out.
I sighed and hesitated, taking a deep breath before just blurting everything out that was
bothering me about the situation. I figured if anyone would be able to clear things up for
me, it would be Dr. Cullen. I just hoped nothing I said would anger him or make him want
to punish me. I just started rambling about Edward showing me a picture of Elizabeth and
how I dreamed of meeting her, how I remembered him mentioning meeting me as a child. I
wanted to know how accurate my memory was, or if my subconscious had just created this
image on it’s own because of what he had told me at Christmas. After I got it out I sat
quietly, afraid of what his reaction was going to be because he tended to get upset at the
mention of his deceased wife. He was silent for a bit, before telling me that I was pretty
spot on with my recollection, stunning me by admitting that not only had him and
Elizabeth visited the house, but that they’d brought Edward along once. I was curious
about that, having absolutely no memory of meeting a little boy when I was younger.
Edward had always seemed familiar in a way, and I wondered earlier that morning if it was
because I knew his mother, but I wondered then if it was because I’d also met him and the
memory was repressed in the back of my mind somewhere. He didn’t elaborate on our
meeting, except to say that it was only once and lasted a few hours at most. I wanted to ask
him details, like if the two of us had gotten along back then, but I didn’t want to press my
luck. I felt I was quite lucky as it was that he hadn’t gotten upset over the subject matter.
He’d obviously been expecting me to ask for clarification about what I could and couldn’t
tell Edward, and afterwards he did once again stress that I needed to help tone down
Edward’s curiosity to the best of my ability, make him believe that there was another path
in life that we could potentially follow together if he’d take a step back and relax and quit
digging. I wasn’t sure if I believed Dr. Cullen’s words, that there was truly another path for
Edward and I to one day follow together, but there was a small part inside of me that
desperately wanted me to put my trust in him. Despite the fact that the man had snapped
on me once and tortuously punished me, and since then had threatened my life, there was
that small place inside of me that wanted to believe Dr. Cullen was different. I didn’t want
to believe that a woman like Elizabeth, who had gone out of her way to befriend a little
slave girl and who had raised three amazingly compassionate and loving boys, would ever
love someone who deep down wasn’t a good man.
He’d sat there gazing at me intensely that morning, much like he was gazing at me standing
here in the kitchen, before telling me that he was going to spend some time with Edward.
He said he was going to tell him what he felt was safe to tell him, so that I didn’t have to
keep too many secrets to make it easier on me. I guess he either didn’t grasp or didn’t care
about the fact that I didn’t like keeping any secrets at all, so no matter what he told Edward
there would still be something weighing heavily on me. But I didn’t say that because
underneath it all I could faintly see his logic. He left me with the parting statement “I only
want what’s best for all of us, Isabella,” that day, telling me it would do well for me to
remember that. Those words had stuck with me ever since, my mind trying to understand
exactly what it meant. What did Dr. Cullen feel was for the best? I wasn’t sure.
The atmosphere in the kitchen was slightly awkward, the two of us just standing there and
not speaking. He seemed to be waiting on me to say something, which seemed to have
become routine with the two of us, but was confusing because if there was something he
wanted he should just ask.
I started fidgeting under his gaze and glanced back over at the clock, anxious about the fact
that I was going to be here with him alone until the boys got out of school. I was gazing at
the numbers, realizing I had a few hours at least, when it dawned on me what time of day it
was.
“Uh, are you hungry, sir?” I asked, glancing back over at him. “It’s lunchtime.”
He nodded after a moment. “I could eat,” he said. I wondered if that was why he’d been
standing there looking at me the way he was, if maybe he thought I was neglecting my
duties but I remembered clearly him telling me I wasn’t responsible for lunch unless he
asked… and he hadn’t asked.
“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “What would you like?”
The corner of his lips turned up. “You can just make the two of us sandwiches, dolcezza. We
can watch some TV while we eat.” I froze, my eyes going wide at the mention of the two of
us, instantly nervous at the fact that he was expecting me to eat lunch with him. He saw my
expression and raised his eyebrows. “Is that not okay?”
“No, it’s okay,” I said hesitantly, not entirely excited at the prospect of spending time with
Dr. Cullen but not wanting to argue and get roped into having to explain why. He nodded.
“Good,” he said, turning and walking toward the living room. I sighed and walked out of
the kitchen, tossing the rags from cleaning the floor into the hamper in the laundry room. I
glanced in the living area and saw Dr. Cullen grab the remote, sitting down in his usual
chair and flipping through channels. I went back into the kitchen and made some chicken
salad sandwiches, placing them on plates. I opened up the fridge and glanced inside,
looking for something to drink. I was anxious about spending time with Dr. Cullen,
wanting to please him. I very rarely found myself going above and beyond and part of me
felt like I should, because he’d been so understanding and almost patient with me lately.
He could’ve truly harmed me for being with his son and quite frankly still could separate
us, so I felt like maybe if I found ways to show my dedication with a little extra effort it
would possibly help our situation. I mean, after all, it couldn’t hurt.
I paused, contemplating, before pulling out the coke and cherries, knowing Elizabeth
always made cherry cokes so I figured there was a good chance Dr. Cullen used to drink
them also. He occasionally drank the canned version that was Edward’s favorite soda, so I
knew he at least didn’t hate the drink. And he’d always looked at Edward strangely when he
drank the homemade ones, almost with a longing and sadness, so they had to mean
something to him. Part of me wondered if it was a mistake, if it would only remind him of
his wife and upset him, but a bigger part of me thought maybe he’d appreciate the gesture.
It was a gamble, and maybe I was stupid for taking it, but it was only a drink. If he decided
he didn’t want it or like it, I could always just dump it out and get him something else.
I made a cherry coke, exactly the way I always made them for Edward and just as I’d made
them for Jane, flavored to perfection. I grabbed the glass and one of the plates and headed
for the living area. Dr. Cullen was lounged back in his chair, his legs stretched out and
crossed at the ankles, watching a news program and twirling the remote in his hand. I
walked over to him and he glanced at me, smiling lightly. He took the plate and sat it down
beside him, reaching out for the drink. His eyes fell upon it and his smile fell as he stared at
it intensely, a look of almost shock on his face. I tensed up slightly, unsure of his reaction,
immediately wondering if I should’ve listened to that small part of myself that told me not
to do this. I stood frozen for a moment, holding the glass out to him, hoping he’d take it. He
hesitated for a moment and I didn’t speak, my heart starting to pound in my chest from
anxiety. He sighed loudly after a moment and took the glass from me, still staring at it. I
stayed in spot briefly, watching him continue to stare at the drink as if it were something
foreign to him, and sighed.
“I, uh… I just thought you’d like it. I mean, you know… you drink the cans and, uh…
Edward likes them,” I said, shrugging, rattling off whatever came to my head. He glanced
over at me, making eye contact once more, and gazed at me for a second before nodding.
“Thank you, child,” he said quietly. I nodded in response before turning and practically
bolting for the kitchen once more. I grabbed my chest when I stepped into the room, my
heart pounding furiously from my nerves. It took me a moment to calm down and I
grabbed my plate and a bottle of water from the fridge before heading back for the living
area. I glanced at Dr. Cullen as I walked inside, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw him
take a drink of his cherry coke. I sat down carefully on the couch, sitting my water on the
table in front of me. I started picking at my sandwich, not really having an appetite as I
rarely ate during the day when I was home alone. I usually got up with Edward every
morning now and had gotten into the habit of making breakfast for the boys, not because I
had to but because I enjoyed doing it. They were always so appreciative of it and I ate with
them every morning. Sometimes Dr. Cullen would join us when he hung around the house
long enough to, but that didn’t happen often. I still made dinner at 7pm every night also, all
of us eating together then.
We sat quietly, eating in silence, both of us gazing at the TV but I wasn’t paying it much
attention. Dr. Cullen sat his plate aside after awhile, sighing. “Can I ask you something,
Isabella?” he asked, picking his drink back up and taking a sip. I glanced over at him and
nodded hesitantly. He gazed at me for a moment, pulling a cherry out of his soda and
waving it slightly at me. “Did you start making these on your own, or did my son ask you to
do it?”
I stared at him as he popped the cherry in his mouth, chewing it up. I was a bit taken off
guard by his question, as it wasn’t what I expected him to ask, and I didn’t get what the big
deal was either way. “I made it on my own,” I said. “I knew he liked them, because he drank
the cans and just… wanted to be nice?” I stated questioningly, unsure of really how to
respond. He nodded, taking another sip of his drink and sitting it back down.
“Okay,” he said simply. I stared at him for a second, wondering what sparked that question.
“Is that a problem, sir?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. He sighed and shook his head.
“No, I was just curious,” he said, shrugging. “I’m curious about a lot.”
I nodded hesitantly, his words spiking my own curiosity. “Like what?” I asked, starting to
regret the words as soon as they escaped my lips. When had I gotten such a loose tongue,
speaking without being spoken to, asking questions of my master?
He glanced back at the TV and I wondered if maybe he wasn’t going to answer, but he
cleared his throat after a moment. “How did you know to use the special glass cleaner on
my windows?” he asked.
My brow furrowed in confusion at his random question. “It was written on the bottle,” I
said hesitantly, unsure of what the big deal was about that also. He glanced over at me,
raising his eyebrows.
“So you’re admitting to me that you indeed could read then?” he asked. I froze, my eyes
going wide with shock at my very obvious mistake that I’d somehow been blinded to. I just
walked right into that one, blatantly telling on myself. I nodded cautiously, afraid to speak.
He gazed at me for a moment before a smile graced the corner of his lips. “I knew it, by the
way. I was a bit surprised you’d slip up so quickly with it though. You nearly slipped up
before we even left Phoenix, actually. You used the menu when I took you to McDonalds to
eat, but I didn’t count that one because you could’ve just been familiar with it or guessed
from the photos. And in the airport when I gave you your ID, you read it and when I
mentioned you were 18 you didn’t ask me what I was talking about, as you’d very clearly
seen the birth date was wrong. But again, I couldn’t count that because you didn’t verbally
say anything about it so I could simply chalk it up to you being submissive and not wanting
to question your owner as you’d been taught not to do. But the windows… I knew the
Swans didn’t have bulletproof glass. I was expecting you to ask me about it, feign ignorance
about what to use, as I knew you’d never intentionally mess my windows up by using
Windex but wouldn’t want to admit you knew they had a special cleaner. But you didn’t.
You just did it, and on the first day none-the-less. You aren’t as slick as you think you are.”
I stared at him with shock, my heart pounding furiously in my chest and a queasy feeling
overtaking me. I sat the plate still holding most of my sandwich down on the table. “How…
uh, how did you know I could read?” I asked hesitantly. I figured there was no harm in
asking; if he wanted to punish me he’d do it for the lying and not the subsequent
questioning. He stared at me for a moment like he was contemplating his answer.
“I discovered it a few years back, on a trip to Phoenix. You had a book,” he said. My brow
furrowed in confusion, wondering how in the world he’d know that. I’d taken that Albert
Schweitzer book and hid it in the barn where we slept and the Swans thankfully had never
discovered it. He gazed at me and shook his head. “It doesn’t really matter. I would’ve
known it when I came to purchase you anyway, as the moment your literacy was mentioned
you fidgeted and looked down. That’s your tell, by the way. When you’re hiding something,
you either look at the ground and fidget, or you bite your lip. I’m good at reading people,
Isabella, and despite your amazing ability to keep secrets, you can’t hide them from me. I
see things others don’t see.”
“I, uh… I’m sorry, sir,” I mumbled, afraid I was in trouble for not telling him. He sighed,
shrugging.
“Don’t apologize. If I wanted to punish you for it, I would’ve done it months ago. Your
literacy doesn’t bother me,” he said. He hesitated, still gazing at me. “May I ask you about
something else I’m curious about?”
I nodded hesitantly. “Of course,” I mumbled.
“How long have you been sleeping in bed with my son at night?” he asked, raising his
eyebrows. I tensed up even more, stunned at the question. I just stared at him, having no
idea how to answer that. “I just told you, you can’t hide things from me. I found out you
were sleeping in his bed on Thanksgiving. I got a call in the middle of the night telling me I
needed to go to Chicago and went upstairs to wake you so I could inform you of my
departure, and you weren’t in your bedroom. I figured at first you were downstairs, but
something told me to open Edward’s bedroom door. And I’m sure you’re aware of what I
saw when I did so,” he said. I stared at him, trying to think back to Thanksgiving. It had
been a good day, I’d had dinner with them and then Edward and I watched a movie in his
bedroom. It was the crude one, Boogie Nights, and afterwards…
My eyes widened with shock as I stared at him, remembering quite clearly that
thanksgiving was the first night Edward had touched me sexually. I felt my cheeks growing
red and I stared at Dr. Cullen, absolutely mortified because I’d slept without most of my
clothes on that night. He smiled lightly, nodding.
“I can see you now remember that night. Don’t worry, I thankfully didn’t see anything. It
was shocking though,” he said, shaking his head. “I knew about the two of you prior to that
but seeing you together like that in his bed was quite startling. I very nearly almost said
something to Edward about it that night when he got out of bed and came downstairs, but
thought better of it. I didn’t want to expose my knowledge on it yet, wanting to give things a
chance to work themselves out.”
I sighed, nodding hesitantly, a little confused because I had no idea Edward had gotten out
of bed that night. Dr. Cullen started at me expectantly, obviously wanting to know the
answer, but I wasn’t entirely sure myself. “I believe the first time was when…” I started,
thinking back. My eyes widened slightly when it dawned on me when the first time I had
slept in Edward’s bed was. “It was when you punished me, sir.”
He stared at me for a moment before nodding slightly. “So the two of you were romantic
back when I… did that?” he asked. I stared at him for a moment, narrowing my eyes
suspiciously, a bit confused.
“I thought you said you didn’t want to hear this stuff,” I blurted out without even thinking.
“True,” he said after a moment. “I was just curious, like I said. And I’m not asking as a
Mafioso or a master, I’m simply asking as a father. But you’re right, it was highly unfair of
me to even inquire about a relationship I refuse to allow to be displayed in front of me.”
I nodded and he turned back to the TV, gazing at it. He grabbed his cherry coke and started
drinking it silently, the conversation apparently over at that. I turned to look at the
program, and after about fifteen minutes Dr. Cullen sighed.
“The entire point of the conversation was to make you aware that I wasn’t easily fooled,
that I had ways of knowing things and most of the time you aren’t even aware that I’m
gathering information from you. Do you remember what I asked you when I was leaving
that first day in Phoenix, after I’d made the agreement with your father?” he asked.
I sighed, thinking back. “You asked me my name, sir.”
He nodded, smiling lightly. “I knew your name, you know. I was just curious if you’d tell
me Isabella or Izzy,” he said, shaking his head. “I was trying to gauge how much you
remembered of my family. That’s why every time you made eye contact with me I looked at
you expectantly. I was waiting to see the spark of recognition in your eyes, some
acknowledgement that maybe you recalled those times but it never came. I wanted to know
if you’d possibly remember my wife, but it was clear that you didn’t.”
I mumbled an apology but he waved me off as if it didn’t matter. He turned his attention
back to the TV once more and I sat there for a while before getting up and grabbing our
plates. I took them to the kitchen and washed them, putting them away. I tinkered around
in the kitchen and threw a load of laundry in the washer, finding busy work so it looked as
if I had things to do because I had no desire to sit in the living area with Dr. Cullen the
entire wait for the boys to get home from school.
I was getting the clothes out of the dryer and folding them when the front door opened,
numerous voices echoing down the hallway. I stepped to the doorway and glanced that
direction, spotting all three boys along with Rose and Alice. They headed our direction and
Edward winked at me, causing my lips to turn up into a grin and the blush to take over my
cheeks. He chuckled and glanced over at his father. Everyone greeted Dr Cullen and they
started taking seats, chatting. I walked over toward the living area, standing along to the
side. Alice turned to look at me excitedly, a wide grin on her face and her eyes practically
dancing with happiness. She looked back over at Dr. Cullen expectantly and he groaned.
“I told you yesterday, Alice. You talk to her about it, not me. It’s her decision,” he said,
shrugging. My brow furrowed in confusion as Alice glanced back at me, the excitement in
her expression doubling.
“Please Please Please!” she squealed. My confusion grew, as I had absolutely no idea why in
the world she would be begging me for something. “I should’ve asked, I know, but please
say yes! I already booked the appointments, please!”
“Uh… what?” I said. She poked her lip out into a pout and everyone laughed.
“What Alice is trying to say,” Rosalie started, glancing at Alice and rolling her eyes at her
expression. “Is that we have plans for the spa tomorrow. Ya know, the present we got you
for Christmas? Alice here booked the appointments without asking you first, which I told
her was shitty because we told you we’d go when you wanted to go and you haven’t wanted
to go. But anyway, so the pixie went and got us appointments and asked Dr. C and he said
we had to ask you, like I fucking told her to do in the first place. But instead of asking you
now, she’s resorting to guilt tripping you.”
I glanced back at Alice, who still had her lip poked out in a pout and her eyes wide. It was
easy to tell from her expression that Rose was right—she was trying to sucker me into
saying yes.
“Okay,” I said simply, shrugging. I was unsure of what I was getting myself into but I
figured it couldn’t be that bad if Dr. Cullen consented to it and Alice and Rose would be
doing it also. Alice squealed, leaping up and bumrushing me. She wrapped her arms
around me, babbling excitedly about how much fun it was going to be. I smiled and hugged
her back, a little caught off guard by her enthusiasm. Rose smiled at me and I glanced over
at Edward, my brow furrowing in confusion when I saw he was frowning.
He caught my eye, his frown morphing up slightly into a light smile. He nodded his head
toward the foyer and I smiled, nodding slightly. I told everyone I had some cleaning to do
and turned, exiting the room before any of them could say anything. I heard Alice yell that
they’d pick me up at 8am and I yelled an ‘okay’ back, not too loud but loud enough that
she’d hear my confirmation. I started up the stairs, heading straight for Edward’s bedroom.
I walked inside and plopped down on his bed, closing my eyes and sighing contently at the
comfort of his blanket. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs after about five minutes, a
smile gracing my lips. I kept my eyes closed, peeking them open after I felt the bed shift,
seeing Edward’s face gazing down upon me.
“Hey, tesoro,” he said softly, leaning down and placing a sweet kiss upon my lips. “Did you
miss me today?”
I smiled. “Do you even have to ask that? You should know,” I said. His smirk grew.
“True, but I like hearing you tell me,” he said.
“Okay,” I said, reaching my hand up and running my fingertips across his lips. “I missed
you.”
He chuckled. “Mi sei mancata,” he said, pausing. “That’s ‘I missed you’ in Italian. I dunno if
you remember that shit.”
I smiled. I’d been able to pick up a few Italian words and phrases, most of them things I’d
never dare say but I understood some of the most common ones he used. “No, I didn’t
remember that one. Well, Mi sei mancata too.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, that was all fucking wrong, Bella. And your accent is
horrific. I’m a man, so you tell me ‘Mi sei mancato’. You know, with a fuckin –o on the end
and not an –a. I’ve got a dick between my legs, not a cunt. Try that shit again.”
I cringed. “I don’t like that word,” I said. His brow furrowed.
“What’s wrong with ‘mancato’?” he asked with confusion. I sighed.
“Not that word, Edward. I mean, the one you just called the female parts,” I said. He looked
“Cunt?” he repeated. I cringed again and he smirked, obviously amused by my reaction.

“Hmmm, what would you like me to call it? I’ve got plenty of words for it, Bella. Cavaccia?
Fica? Grilla? Gnocca?” My brow furrowed in confusion, not knowing any of those words
and figuring they were Italian because of the accent he put upon them. “English then?
Punani, cootchie, pussy…”
I rolled my eyes and pushed him lightly. “Stop!” I said. He chuckled again, shaking his
head.
“Fine, whatever. I don’t care what you wanna call it, the point is I don’t have one. Thank
fucking God for that, by the way. So you say ‘Mi sei mancato’.”
I smiled. “Mi sei mancato,” I repeated. He smirked, nodding.
“There you go! Watch out, look at Bella Ragazza, getting bilingual and shit,” he said
playfully. I laughed and blushed, which only made him laugh harder.
We put a movie in eventually and hung out for a bit before it was time for me to start
dinner. Edward stayed up in his room, working on some big paper he had due for class on
Monday. I made spaghetti and a salad with some garlic bread, and we all sat around the
table, chatting nonchalantly. The atmosphere was quite relaxed for the rest of the evening
and we all ended up watching a movie together in the living area. A few times I caught Dr.
Cullen glancing over at Edward and I, a sad expression on his face. It was a bit confusing,
but I’d quite started giving up on understanding Dr. Cullen. His reactions often made no
sense to me. I didn’t get why a man who threatened to kill me and demanded I keep my
relationship out of his eye view would turn around not long afterwards and call me
endearing names and ask about the relationship he before wanted nothing to do with. And
if he didn’t want to know anything about it, if he truly wanted to pretend it wasn’t
occurring, why was it like he was always watching us almost longingly?
Edward was exhausted and we retired to bed quite early, and he was out less than a minute
after his head hit the pillow. I watched him sleep for a while, seeing the innocence and
peacefulness that encased his features as he fell into his slumber. It was quite tranquil just
watching it, his expressions and noises and look of contentment soothing.
I fell asleep eventually only to be woken up by a loud banging noise. I groaned, keeping my
eyes shut tightly, bringing my hands up to cover my ears. The banging continued and
Edward started cursing loudly, his voice gritty and words slurred from sleep. The banging
continued and Edward practically growled “I’m going to fucking break your hands if you
don’t stop pounding on my goddamn door and go away!” It was menacing, hearing his
threats, and I peeked my eyes open to look at him. The pounding stopped for a moment
and he sighed, sounding quite pleased, and snuggled back into his pillow. Less than 30
seconds later the pounding started again, this time more forceful than before. Edward
groaned loudly and sat up quickly, opening his eyes. I giggled as he grabbed his pillow and
threw it at the door hard, as if a pillow was going to do anything to stifle the situation. He
heard my laughter and glanced over at me, narrowing his eyes, looking annoyed. I smiled
sheepishly and he continued to glare at me for a moment before the corner of his lips
turned up. He came at me quickly and I flinched away but he wrapped his arms around me,
pressing his body against mine. His lips found mine and he parted them with his tongue,
kissing me deeply immediately. I moaned lightly, reaching up and weaving my fingers
through his hair. He groaned into my mouth and the banging rang out once more. His
groan turned into a growl and he pulled from my lips, sitting back up.
“If you don’t open this door in 30 seconds I’m coming in,” Rosalie’s voice bellowed.
“Fuck you, I’m naked, don’t come in here unless you wanna see my dick,” Edward said. I
giggled, because he was completely dressed and lying to her to keep her out. He glanced
over at me, hearing my giggles, and shrugged, smiling sheepishly.
“You’re sick, Cullen. Cover yourself up asshole because I’m coming in,” she said. Edward
smirked, yelling ‘no’. I smiled, my eyes widening with surprise when the doorknob turned
and the door was thrown open roughly. Rosalie stood in the doorway, cocking one of her
eyebrows at Edward. “You’re such a liar. And we’re not here for you anyway, I don’t care
what you do.”
Edward just looked at her and Alice popped up into the doorway behind Rosalie. “Hey
guys!!” she said excitedly. “We’re just here for Isabella. Spa day!” I smiled and nodded,
taking the cover off of me and standing up. Edward shrugged, snuggling back into his
pillow.
“Whatever,” he muttered. He reached his hand out toward me, motioning me toward him.
“Come here, give me a goddamn kiss before the crazies steal you away. Christ, it’s the least
you can do, leaving me all day and shit.”
Rosalie huffed and I sighed, leaning over the bed and giving him a quick kiss. “Have a good
day, Edward,” I said. He smiled, nodding.
“You too, tesoro,” he said. He glanced over at the doorway, cocking his eyebrow. “And you
tricks better be good to her, return her intact. I mean that.”
Rosalie just glared at him but Alice smiled and saluted him playfully. “Will do,” she said.
She walked over and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the room. I turned and gave
Edward a quick smile as they dragged me across the hall, into my room. I got dressed
quickly, brushing my teeth and splashing some water on my face to wake myself up
completely, and we set off. Rosalie drove her red car and I sat in the back, quiet for the
most part as I was quite nervous. I had no idea what my day was going to entail, what going
to the spa would be like, so I had no idea what to expect.
The drive was quite long, every minute only increasing my anxiety. It was odd, being in the
car with those two girls and driving so far away from any of the Cullen’s. It was almost
stunning that Dr. Cullen would allow this, as my master. Edward had taken me into the city
shopping and although he’d never once felt like my master, the fact that he was a male and
it felt like he was stronger and more powerful than me made it seem almost normal. But
this—this was different. I didn’t feel like anyone had the upper hand on me, that anyone
was stronger than me. I felt bad feeling that way, placing Edward above me in such a
manner, but I couldn’t help how I felt. Edward had an authority about him, a natural
dominance. He made me feel protected when we were together but now, going off with
Alice and Rose, I felt a small piece of that ‘independence’ he’d been babbling about lately…
and it made me nervous.
We took the ferry and arrived in the city around noon. Rosalie drove through the crowded
streets, pulling into a small parking lot and turning the car off. Alice squealed, clapping her
hands, and opened her door. We climbed out and Alice linked her arm with mine, pulling
me along toward a building while Rosalie locked the car up.
“This is going to be so great! You deserve to be pampered!” she said excitedly, smiling. I
forced a smile in return, feeling queasy because I was so far out of my element.
We walked inside a building and I glanced around, surprised at the brightness and
friendliness the place seemed to ooze. The walls were yellow with brown and green
trimmings, and there splotches of every other color around the room that added character.
A man standing behind a counter glanced up at us as we entered, smiling brightly. “Ally,
Rosie! How are my girls?” he asked with enthusiasm. The fact that he addressed them by
nicknames relieved me a bit, as it was clear to me they were regulars in the business so
hopefully they wouldn’t steer me wrong. It didn’t completely squelch my panic, but I
doubted anything truly would. The three of them exchanged pleasantries, laughing and
joking around briefly, and I glanced around the room nervously. “So this is her?”
I glanced at him with apprehension and saw he was eyeing me, smiling brightly. “Yeah, this
is Isabella,” Rosalie said. The man nodded.
“It’s nice to meet you Isabella. I’m Trevor,” he said, holding his hand out to me. I gave him
my hand and he shook it enthusiastically. “I always get excited to get a virgin in here. I love
being the first, they never want anyone else after me.”
My eyes widened with shock as I gaped at him, and Rosalie started laughing hard. The man
chuckled and Alice smiled. “He means a spa virgin, someone who’s never been to the spa
before. Trevor’s the best of the best.”
I smiled sheepishly, blushing. “Oh,” I mumbled. They laughed again.
“Oh look at you, you are just too cute! I dig boys just like you anyway, honey, no worries,”
he said, winking. My blush grew and I stared at him with shock as they all laughed some
more.
“Okay,” I said simply after a second, laughing lightly, pretty stunned. I admittedly was
quite sheltered and I’d become aware of two girls being together because of Edward
mentioning Lauren and Tanya, but had no idea how two guys would work together. I
wasn’t going to ask though, as it was definitely none of my business what people did in
their private lives. To each their own.
“Well don’t you worry girls, I’ll take care of Miss Isabella here personally,” he said.
“Good!” Alice exclaimed. “She needs the full treatment, seaweed wrap and massage and
facial!”
“That I can do,” he said, smiling.
“And a wax,” Rosalie chimed in with. The man’s eyes widened in surprise and he glanced
over at Rosalie.
“What kind of wax, Rosie?” he asked, smirking. “What am I taking off?” I looked at her and
saw a mischievous smile upon her lips that made me slightly nervous.
“You know where. All of it,” she said simply. Alice gasped, the sound of her surprise
increasing my anxiety.
“I don’t know…” Alice started, but Rose laughed dryly and shook her head.
“Come on, you know as well as I do Edward will thank us for it,” Rosalie said. “Every girl
should do it at least once, just to see what it feels like bare.”
Alice sighed. “Maybe we should let Isabella decide,” she said, glancing over at me. I stared
at them for a moment, having absolutely no idea what they were talking about.
“It’s something Edward will be happy about?” I asked. Rosalie declared ‘hell yes’ loudly and
I glanced at Alice, who smiled lightly and nodded in affirmation.
“Sweetheart, it’s something he’ll love. Men dig clean kitties. He’ll worship you for it,”
Trevor said, smirking. I stared at him for a second before nodding slightly.
“Okay,” I said hesitantly, shrugging. I didn’t exactly know what it was I was agreeing to, but
if it was something that would please Edward I wasn’t opposed to trying it. It wasn’t often I
felt like I could do something extra to make him happy.
“Great!” he said, smiling. “Now let’s get you naked!”
My eyes widened in shock and they all laughed at my expression. “You gotta strip at the
spa,” Rosalie said. “But I promise you have nothing he’s never seen before. He sees more
naked women than Hugh Hefner does.”
My brow furrowed in confusion, as I had no idea who Hugh Hefner was, but I didn’t say
anything on the off chance that it would make me look stupid. Trevor laughed, nodding.
“I do, indeed. We have something else in common, Hugh and I,” he said.
“What’s that?” Rose asked curiously.
“No matter how much you try, honey, nothing you can do short of drugging me is gonna
make you get me hard,” he said. The three of them started cracking up and I glanced
between them, smiling at their laughter. I didn’t exactly get the joke but their carefree
natures were alleviating some of my stress about the situation. Trevor seemed harmless
enough, and if Rosalie and Alice trusted him and he wasn’t interested in girls at all, then I
figured I probably shouldn’t be afraid of being naked near him.
“Anyway, let’s get this show on the road. Come on, sweetheart, time for some pampering,”
he said, nodding his head toward the hallway. I nodded in response and he turned, heading
that direction. I glanced at Alice and Rosalie briefly, seeing their smiles and smiled in
return. I followed Trevor down the hallway and he came to a small room, nodding his head
toward it. “Go on in and take everything off. There’s a gigantic towel on the table, climb on
up and lay on your tummy and cover your bottom with it. Okay?”
I nodded hesitantly and walked in the room. He said he’d be back in a moment and shut
the door. I walked over to the table and started stripping my clothes off, laying them in a
pile. The room was as welcoming and friendly and relaxing as the rest of the place… the
walls green, bright colors scattered around, a subtle glow of light in the room. After I had
my clothes off I climbed up on the table as he’d told me to do, laying on my stomach and
covering myself up with the large orange towel.
There was a knock on the door after a second and I glanced in that direction to see him
walk in. He smiled at me and shut the door, walking over to me. He started chatting almost
right away, grabbing something that looked almost like a paintbrush. He told me he was
going to run it over my skin to remove the dead skin cells. I was a bit nervous at first,
especially when he started shifting the towel around, but he was chatting casually and
joking around, which started distracting me from what he was doing thankfully. After he
did that he grabbed some green looking paste, telling me it was seaweed and he was going
to spread it on my body. It felt weird at first as he spread it over my back, but I grew
accustomed to the feeling after a moment. He told me to turn over onto my back and I
hesitated, but did as he said, nervous about being so exposed. It didn’t faze him though, of
course, and he proceeded to continue to chat casually as he spread the green paste all over
my front. When I was covered in it almost from neck to toes he wrapped me up in what he
said was some thermal sheets, giving me a large towel and placing it under my head as a
pillow. He said for me to relax, that he’d return in about thirty minutes, and left the room.
I lay there looking around for a while, surprisingly very relaxed and comfortable. In fact, I
was so comfortable that my eyes drifted closed and I must’ve fallen into a light sleep,
because I was jolted awake by his voice what seemed like a minute later. I was sweating, my
entire body warm. He said it was time to wash it off and removed the sheets, wiping some
of it off with some warm cloths before helping me up and showing me to a bathroom to
wash the rest of it off in a shower. He gave me some type of moisturizer to wash my skin
with to lock in the smoothness and I obliged, half out of it and in a daze from falling asleep.
I washed and got back out, wrapping a towel around me and going back into the room. He
smiled and told me to lie back down on my stomach and I did as I was told. He started
massaging my back, his movements very firm but not so firm that it was painful. He was
definitely an expert at what he was doing, as my body started relaxing even more
immediately, my muscles loosening up and my eyes wanting to close again but I fought it
off.
After the massage he had me roll onto my back once more, keeping my female parts
covered with a towel, and started spreading some paste onto my face, telling me it was
some sort of facial to purify the skin. I had no idea what any of it meant but I wasn’t
complaining, as it felt quite nice. After he was done he said, he’d leave for another thirty
minutes and departed. I wondered why he just didn’t do that part when he did the seaweed
wrap but didn’t argue or ask, as he was the expert so obviously he knew what he was doing.
I drifted back asleep and he returned eventually, removing the facial paste. After he got
that done he smiled at me. “How’s that feel?” he asked. I sighed, smiling, stunned at how
downright good I felt.
“Great, thank you,” I said. His smile grew.
“You’re quite a pretty girl, you could always use pampering but goodness knows your skin
is quite flawless and doesn’t really need that extra help,” he said. I smiled brightly at his
compliment, not used to hearing such things from strangers.
“Thank you,” I said. He waved me off, smirking.
“Don’t thank me honey, I’m green with envy about it. I’d kill for good skin,” he said,
laughing. “We’re almost done, just have the waxing left to do. I’ll try to make it as painless
as possible.”
I stared at him, tensing up slightly at his mention of pain. “It’s painful?” I asked hesitantly.
He smiled and shrugged.
“Can be a bit,” he said. “I mean, we’re removing all of the hair from your hoo-ha, honey, it’s
bound to not be entirely pleasant, ya know?”
I stared at him with confusion. “Hoo-ha?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
“Yeah. You know, your honey pot? Hot pocket?” he said. I continued to just stare at him,
even more confused now because honey and hot pockets were food items. He laughed at
my expression. “Your goodies. Ya know, lady parts.”
I gasped, my eyes going wide with shock as it registered with me. “You’re taking the hair off
down there?” I asked. He laughed again and nodded.
“Yes. I tell ya, some friends you’ve got, throwing you into this without explaining it. I
promise I’ll make it as easy as can be. We’ll make it quick, okay?” he said.
I looked at him and considered backing out, telling him I changed my mind, but I’d already
agreed and they’d claimed Edward would love it, so a big part of me wanted to go ahead
and through with it. I nodded after a moment. “Okay,” I said. He smiled.
“Great. Lay back on your back and put your legs up, kinda like a gyno exam for a pap
smear,” he said. I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant since Dr. Cullen had taken me
for one, and obliged. He pushed the towel up and I tensed up when he parted my legs
further, exposing me to him entirely. I knew he did this repeatedly, it was his job and there
was absolutely nothing sexual about it, but it didn’t stop my natural reaction to panic. I was
exposed to this strange man, completely vulnerable, and he could harm me greatly and take
advantage of me and there was nothing I could do about it. My heart was pounding
furiously and I gripped onto the towel tightly, trying to calm myself down. He was talking
nonchalantly, explaining the procedure to me, and I grasped that he was going to place
warm wax on my area and then place something over it and pull it off once it dried,
essentially pulling the hairs out. I’d had hair snatched from my head before by Jane and it
hurt immensely, so I couldn’t even begin to imagine how it was going to feel having it
ripped from down below. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and could hear him continue to
talk but I couldn’t make out all of his words. Everything was muffled from the blood
pumping furiously through my body from my erratic heart, the sound echoing in my ears.
After a moment I felt his hands on me and tensed up even further, mentally repeating over
and over again that he was harmless, I was going to be okay. I had no idea what exactly he
was doing and didn’t want to open my eyes and see, just hoping for the best. I made out
something about ‘trimming’ and ‘powder’ and I felt something being spread on me after a
moment, the sensation almost soothing with its warmth. He pressed something overtop of
the warmth, indicating it was a strip of cloth or something and I made out the words ‘here
we go’, tensing up even further as they registered with my ears. After a moment he pulled
on the strip quickly and I gripped onto the towel tighter, clenching my teeth as a stinging
pain ripped through my area. I was used to pain, I could endure physical pain easily, but
the feeling of my hair being ripped out of my female parts was intense enough to bring
tears to my eyes.
I tried to ignore it, doing what I’d always done in Phoenix when I was going through
something extremely painful. I tried to think of something happy, go to a happy place
mentally. I imagined Edward, his gorgeous charming smile, his stunning wet lips placing
kisses upon my skin and mumbling beautiful things in Italian. I even thought about his
vulgarity, the way he spoke so loosely with the foul language and almost made it amusing. I
thought about my love for him and his for me, how great it made me feel inside.
But nothing I thought of could completely block out the stinging pain shooting through my
private area. I continued to clench my jaw and endure it, allowing him to do what he was
doing without putting up a fight or crying out. I didn’t like his hands on me, I didn’t like
what he was doing to me, no matter how harmless he as a person was. He was speaking and
I realized he was trying to relax me, but there was no way I was relaxing until he said the
word ‘done’.
And the moment that word came from his lips a few minutes later, the biggest wave of
relief rolled through me. He was done, it was over, and never would I ever be talked into
doing such a thing again, regardless of how much Edward might like it.
He removed his hands from me and I opened my eyes, unclenching my jaw and relaxing
my grip. I glanced over at him and saw him eyeing me with surprise. “I have to say, you are
the easiest first timer I’ve ever had. Didn’t cry out once. You’re a tough little cookie! You’ll
be a little swollen and red for a bit, but it should subside quickly. I put a lotion on the area
to help with that. If you take a bath tonight don’t make the water too hot, as cooler water is
better. Okay?” I nodded and he smiled. “Good. You can go ahead and get dressed, I’m all
done with you, honey.”
He turned and exited the room, and I lay still for a moment before sitting up. I took a few
deep breaths, relieved it was over and wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. I
wanted to go home, and forget that just happened. I stood up and started pulling my
clothes on, dressing quickly. After I was dressed I stepped out of the room, walking toward
the front of the place and spotting Alice and Rosalie. They saw me and asked me how it
was, and I smiled and nodded, telling them ‘great’ although it was truly anything but. I
appreciated what they’d done for me, that they’d wanted to treat me like an average girl
and do average girl things, but this was so far out of my range of comfort. I wouldn’t tell
them that though, because they were only trying to be nice and I appreciated their gesture
more than they’d ever understand. But this type of stuff simply wasn’t me.
They took care of the payment details and we headed out. They were chatting animatedly
and I tried to add to the conversation, but I was feeling a bit awkward and uncomfortable
after what I’d just done. I was in a daze most of the drive home and was shocked that it was
after dark when we pulled up at the Cullen house in Forks. We got out and headed inside,
and I thanked both Alice and Rosalie for the day, telling them I had a great time.
We hit the foyer and I heard voices, glancing over and seeing all of the boys gathered in the
kitchen, alcoholic drinks in hand. Edward caught my eye and smiled his crooked grin. I
smiled back, blushing, feeling almost dirty looking at him, knowing I’d just had my privates
pampered. Alice and Rosalie immediately went into the kitchen, joining the guys and
grabbing drinks, and Edward walked over toward me.
“Mi sei mancata” he said softly. I smiled.
“I missed you too,” I said. His smile grew and he leaned into me, brushing his lips against
mine softly.
“Have a good time?” he asked. I nodded.
“Yeah, it was nice. I kinda wanna go take a bath now, though,” I said. I didn’t exactly need
one, but I felt maybe taking one would make the weird feeling I had dancing across my skin
after my day diminish. He nodded.
“You go do that, Bella,” he said, kissing me again. Jasper called Edwards name and he
looked over at him, nodding. “I’ll see you in a bit, baby.”
He headed back into the kitchen and I turned, heading up the stairs. I went straight into
my room, slipping my clothes off and tossing them into the hamper. I went into the
bathroom and started a lukewarm bath, keeping it on the cool side like the man had told
me. I hesitated as the water was running, before turning around and glancing in the full-
length mirror. My eyes widened in shock at the sight of my bareness, not a single hair
present. I glanced down, stunned as it looked so odd. I was truthfully a little worried about
Edward’s reaction, putting hope in their words that Edward would like it better this way.
The swelling and redness had already subsided for the most part, the area not really
painfully sensitive anymore. It felt almost as usual, except smoother, but I had to wonder if
maybe I was just so used to dealing with the aftermath of pain and healing that I just
simply wasn’t bothered by it. I shut the water off after a second, climbing into the tub and
leaning back, sighing contently. I closed my eyes, almost relishing in the silence and peace,
and felt myself drifting into unconsciousness.
I heard a noise after awhile, a clicking sound that startled me out of my light slumber. I
froze, wondering if maybe I’d just been hearing things, but after a second I heard a light
throat clear nearby. I snapped my head around, my heart pounding furiously, fright
surging through me. My eyes fell upon Edward, standing in the doorway gazing at me, and
I stared at him. I was relieved that it was him, of course, but it didn’t help the anxiety I felt
that he was there right now. He sighed and took a few steps forward and I tensed up,
nervous of his reaction. His brow furrowed slightly at my reaction and he paused halfway
to me.
“You want me to leave?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly, a look of hurt on his
face. I shook my head no quickly and saw a bit of relief in his features at my answer.
“I just… uh…” I started, looking down at myself, unsure of what to say. He sighed, running
his hand through his hair, nodding.
“I know, tesoro. They kinda just alluded to the fact that you got waxed, and I’m really
fucking torn right now between wanting to beat the shit out of those bitches because I told
them to leave you intact and I know goddamn well you didn’t do that shit because you
wanted to, and wanting to fall to my knees and thank whatever fucking God made this
happen if it’s true,” he said, his voice fuelled with passion. I gazed at him for a second,
slightly confused.
“Are you mad?” I asked hesitantly. His brow furrowed briefly.
“Why would I be mad?” he asked. I shrugged.
“I don’t know. I just… I don’t know, what you really think about… it,” I stammered
nervously, feeling the blush creep into my cheeks. He stared at me for a second before
smiling, shaking his head. He ran his hand through his messy hair once more and took the
last few steps over toward me. He paused right beside the tub and stared into my eyes,
reaching down and grabbing the hemline of his shirt. He pulled it up and off of him, tossing
it onto the bathroom floor. My eyes widened with surprise and I allowed them to drift
downward to gaze at his bare chest, feeling my heart start racing at the sight. I heard an
almost agonizing groan escape his throat and my brow furrowed, my eyes going back to his
face. I saw he was looking down into the water and tensed up slightly, knowing he was
seeing the bareness for himself now. I felt my blush deepening, likely spreading throughout
my entire body, and closed my eyes. I could feel his eyes on me, his completely silence
making my nerves run amuck.
After a moment I felt a feather light touch on my chest, fingertips moving across my breasts
and grazing over my nipples, and I opened my eyes to see him bent down, gazing into my
face. He smiled and I returned his smile, glad to see he appeared pleased at least. He stared
into my eyes for a moment before sitting down on the edge of the tub, bracing himself
there. He licked his lips and leaned forward slowly. I closed my eyes yet again as his lips
found mine, and he groaned softly into my mouth as his tongue parted my lips. I brought
my hands up, running them through his locks, getting his hair wet but not really caring. His
kiss was passionate, intense.
He ran one of his hands across my breasts, eliciting a moan from me. He pulled back from
the kiss slightly, humming lightly. “Can I try something?” he asked softly, his voice thick
with emotion. I nodded, not caring what it was, as I loved him so much I’d do anything the
man wanted. I realized that may be unhealthy, to love him so, but I knew deep down he
loved me the same way. Anything I asked of Edward, he’d do. He kissed me firmer, his
hand drifting downward and stroking my stomach. After a second he brought his hand
down even further, running it down my leg to my knee and up my inner thigh. Electricity
shot through me upon his touch and he pulled my leg back, opening me up slightly. He
continued to kiss me deeply, running his hand the rest of the way up my leg. He grazed his
fingers over my bare center and I cried out into his mouth as a jolt of pleasure shot through
me. He chuckled in my mouth, pulling back from my lips. “Yeah, I really wanna try
something,” he said, standing up. My brow furrowed in confusion, as I thought what he’d
just done was what he wanted to try.
“Okay,” I said hesitantly. He stared at me for a second and I knew it was because I’d said
the word ‘okay’ and he hated the simple affirmation, instead liking me to elaborate with my
opinion. He nodded after a second, thankfully not going to press it, and walked out of the
bathroom. I stared at the doorway, wondering where he’d gone, and gasped in shock when
he returned a few moments later holding the thing Rosalie had given me for Christmas. He
smirked, walking over toward me.
“Relax, baby. It’s just a vibrator. I told you I’d show you how to use one, no better time than
the present,” he said, shrugging. I stared at him apprehensively but nodded, trusting him.
“Can I get in?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. I smiled and nodded, slightly surprised
but almost immediately turned on by him wanting to get into the bathtub with me. He held
the vibrator out to me, telling me to hold it for a second, and he started undressing. I
chewed on my bottom lip nervously as he kicked his shoes off, pulling his socks off. A moan
escaped my throat involuntarily as he pulled his pants and boxers down, his manhood
standing erect. He chuckled and kicked them off, shaking his head.
“Scoot your ass up, let me behind you,” he said. I nodded, blushing and moved forward. He
climbed in the bathtub, his back against the wall, and spread his legs out around me. He
pulled me to him so my back was against his chest and I could feel his hardness pressing
into me. I sighed contently, closing my eyes as his hands came around, rubbing my breasts
and stomach. One of his hands slipped down between my legs, his fingertips grazing over
my spot. I moaned, the sensations intense. He was pressing lightly, thankfully, so even if it
was still a bit sore from the waxing he wasn’t aggravating it.
“Christ, Bella,” he said huskily. “You know you don’t have to do that waxing shit, right?” I
nodded, squirming a bit as his fingertips pressed against my spot again. He hummed,
leaning down and pressing a kiss against my neck. His rough cheek grazed against me,
sending tingles through me, my breathing growing erratic already. “Good. I don’t mind the
hair, ya know? But fuck me if this shit isn’t hot. So fucking beautiful.”
I moaned again, my entire body breaking out into tingles at his words. I felt him grabbing
the vibrator from my hand and tensed up slightly, opening my eyes when I heard the
humming noise as he turned it on. He must’ve felt me go rigid because he pressed his
mouth to my neck again, nipping at my skin with his teeth. “Relax,” he whispered. I closed
my eyes again, trying to block out the humming noise and instead focus on the feeling of
his tongue and lips as he kissed my skin. After a second the tension returned full force, my
entire body going taut as an extremely intense sensation shot through my core, vibrations
coursing through my female parts as he touched the vibrator to me. I cried out quite loudly
squirming as the pleasure rocked through me, and Edward groaned. He started assaulting
my skin near him with his mouth, nipping and licking and kissing, blowing on the wet
spots, as his other hand groped at my breasts.
I was squirming, noises escaping my throat, and felt the pressure building up immediately.
I clutched onto his arm with my hand to brace myself, needing something to hold onto. My
legs started shaking as the pleasure surged through my veins, my heart pounding hard in
my chest, my entire body growing warm and flushing. My breathing was irregular, coming
out almost in gasps as the tension surged. Edward held onto me tighter, removing his hand
from my breast and wrapping his arm around my torso, pulling me back to him tighter. I
could feel his length, the hardness throbbing against me and I wanted desperately to touch
it and make Edward feel as good as he was making me feel, but I was almost paralyzed by
the sensations coming from Edward pressing the vibrator against me.
“God, I love you,” he whispered against my skin. “You and only you.”
I moaned loudly, bringing my other hand up and finding his head. I linked my fingers into
his hair and he groaned, biting down on my shoulder. I cried out loudly at the feeling, the
slight pain causing the pleasure to skyrocket, and my entire body went rigid. My muscles
seemed to lock up with paralysis and I let out a scream as my body exploded with orgasm. I
held onto Edward’s arm and hair tightly and heard him let out almost a growl. My body
was shaking and convulsing, the pleasure intense, and I tried to quiet myself but I couldn’t
stop the noises from coming out of me.
“Fuck, I want you so bad baby,” Edward groaned against my skin as he rode me through my
orgasm. I clung to him, panting, bucking my hips, as the pleasure was almost unbearable.
His words stunned me, caught me off guard, sending a mixture of even more pleasure and
desire through me. It mixed with an apprehension, as I wasn’t sure if I was ready yet to go
that far, but my body was screaming out to try.
“You…uh… want… uh… me?” I mumbled, having a hard time getting the words out through
my gasps. The pleasure was coming down, my body falling into intense relaxation. Edward
grumbled, nipping at me again.
“Of course I want you,” he said as he pulled the vibrator from me, turning it off. He tossed
it to the side and it fell to the bathroom floor with a thud. His hand roamed down my
stomach and he cupped the area between my thighs. “But not tonight, not yet.”
I nodded after a second, a bit relieved by his words but admittedly surprised that he’d want
to wait. I knew deep inside that Edward and I would eventually have sex, and I trusted him
enough to do it, but it just didn’t entirely feel right at that moment for some reason. I don’t
know why, what would make the moment ‘right’, but it just seemed like something was
missing and I wondered if he felt it also. I lay still against him and he held onto me tightly
as I got my breathing under control. I could still feel his manhood pressing against me, and
scooted forward after a second. Edward let go of me, I assume thinking I was getting up
because the water was cooled significantly, but instead I reached behind me and wrapped
my hand around him. He grunted at the unexpected contact, wrapping his arm back
around me.
I started stroking him like I knew he liked it, wanting him to feel good too. He threw his
head backwards against the bathroom wall, groaning. “Your hand feels so fucking good,
tesoro,” he said, his voice raspy. I smiled and continued to stroke his length, gripping it
tightly and increasing my speed. His hand came up and he started massaging my breasts
again, running his fingertips over my nipples. I moaned at the sensation and he leaned
forward, pressing a kiss against my back. I shivered at the feeling of his wet lips, causing
him to moan and his erection to swell even larger.
“I can’t believe how big your thing is,” I mumbled, still stunned at the size of his manhood.
Edward’s hand on my breast stilled and he paused with his lips pressed against my back
once more.
“That’s it, talk dirty to me baby,” he said after a second with a bit of amusement in his
voice, chuckling. My brow furrowed in confusion and he started moving his hand again. I
yelped as he pinched one of my nipples between his fingers and started stroking him faster.
He started grunting, thrusting his hips forward into my hand. The position was slightly
awkward for it but I was managing well enough. I could tell by his breathing and the noises
he was making, the way his shaft swelled in my palm that it wouldn’t take him long anyway.
“Tell me you love me,” he said after a moment, a slight forcefulness to his voice that
stunned me. It sent tingles down my spine, causing goose bumps to dance across my flesh,
and I felt that desire stirring up in my stomach again at his possessiveness.
“I love you,” I said at once. “More than anything in this world, Edward.” He hummed in
response, bucking his hips harder.
“Tell me you’re my girl,” he said, just as demanding. I moaned.
“I’m yours. No one else’s. Never anyone else’s,” I said. I never wanted another but him, he
was my world.
He groaned, leaning down and nipping at my skin. He bucked his hips a few times, letting
out a loud grunt, his member swelling in my hand as he exploded. The white substance of
his orgasm shot out, hitting the side of the tub and sticking to it. I continued to stroke him
until he softened slightly, and he covered my hand with his. He sat still for a moment
before removing his hands. I let go of him and he wrapped his arms around me tightly,
pulling me back into him.
“I’m surprised I could fucking keep my erection with how goddamn cold this water is,
Bella,” he said after a second. “I thought for sure my shit was going to revolt against me and
shrivel up, try to fucking hide away or something.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “We didn’t have to do that in the bathtub,” I said. He
shrugged, pushing himself up slightly. He grabbed my chin and pulled my head toward
him, pushing his lips against mine.
“I know,” he said, shrugging and shifting our bodies around. I moved out of the way as he
climbed out of the tub, watching his naked form as he walked over and grabbed a towel. He
stood in front of me and dried off slightly but made no move to cover himself up. He truly
had no shame and that fact made me feel comfortable with my own nudity around him. “It
was worth it though.”
I nodded. “Yes, very worth it,” I said, smiling. He chuckled and wrapped a towel around his
waist before walking over to me, holding his hand out to help me out of the tub. He pulled
me to my feet and I stepped out. Edward wrapped a towel around my body, pulling me into
a hug.
“Remind me to thank Rosalie later,” he said. I glanced back at him with surprise, as him
and Rosalie were always bickering and very rarely thanking each other for anything out of
principle.
“For?” I asked. He smirked.
“For that little moment in the bathtub. Shit, she bought the vibrator and the waxing. I
wasn’t sure whether to thank her or punch her for both of them, but after seeing you
cumming like that, all fucking spread open for me? Yeah, I think she’s earned my gratitude
for once.”
Chapter 47 A Thousand Words & One
Deed
“A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed.” --
Henrik Ibsen
I was pacing the downstairs, anxiously waiting for the sound of the car to pull up outside. It
was early morning and the sun hadn’t even begun to rise and I was already fucking worried
about this day, so goddamn nervous that I couldn’t stay still. I don’t know why I was so on
edge, maybe because I’d never done any of this shit before. It wasn’t like it really fucking
mattered, Isabella didn’t strike me as the type to really ever give a shit either way, but part
of me wanted to make it special for her. She deserved it and I wanted it to be right, and
because of my naturally finicky nature everything was just fucking feeling wrong.
I hadn’t been awake very long and I was already panicking at my potential failure. I was
bound to fuck up; there was no way I wouldn’t. I wasn’t romantic; I’m not goddamn
Casanova or Don Juan, and definitely not Mr. Darcy or Heathcliff or Romeo or any of those
other motherfuckers in any of those ridiculous love stories girls like. I was just Edward
Anthony Cullen, asshole extraordinaire, who was bound to fuck this day up for his
girlfriend.
Today was February 14th. Yes, Valentines Day. I always hated this goddamn day because I
never saw the point in it. Why the hell did they need to single out a day to celebrate love? I
mean, if you were in love weren’t you supposed to fucking show each other love every
goddamn day? It was stupid but the bitches ate that shit up and used to look at me like they
fucking expected something from me for all the pussy they gave me. It was stupid. I didn’t
love them, so why the fuck would I celebrate Valentines Day with them? I always treated it
like any other day, and it pissed girls off but I didn’t care. I didn’t give a shit about
Valentines Day and I guarantee whoever thought the holiday up was female and did that
shit deliberately to fuck with men. I’d put money on that.
Actually, I was fucking wrong and I knew it. It was Pope Saint Gelasius I that called
February 14th Valentines Day in 496 AD. But it was a bitch that helped commercialized it,
Esther Howland, so I blame her and her stupid fucking greeting card business for making
my life hell today. I knew all about that shit, the history of this ridiculous day, because I’d
been googling it all fucking week. Yes, I googled Valentines Day, trying to find ideas on
what the hell I could do for Isabella to make it special. And just for the record, you don’t
have to tell me I’m a whipped pussy, I know that shit already. I never imagined I’d waste
hours online looking for ideas on how the hell to woo a girl. I didn’t have to do that shit
because girls were always naturally drawn to me. I never had to lift a finger or even really
give it a second thought. It just happened that way for me.
But this year, like every other fucking thing in my life, Valentines Day was different. I had a
girlfriend that I truly loved, and she probably didn’t even know what the hell Valentines
Day was and had no expectations, but I felt like I should do something. I wanted to make it
special, because she’s never had anyone do that kind of shit for her. The goddamn internet
hadn’t been much help though, because everything they suggested was far from being shit
Isabella would ever get into. She isn’t the kind of girl you wine and dine or take ballroom
dancing. She didn’t need jewelry and probably wouldn’t even fucking wear it if I bought it.
She was easy going, the smallest things making her happy.
So I’d been racking my brain, really stressing over the shit and wanting to get it perfect but
keep it simple at the same time. I eventually came up with a plan and called Alice to enlist
her help, because I was quite sure I couldn’t pull the shit off without her assistance, and she
happily agreed. We were both skipping school today to make it work and I just hoped like
hell I didn’t fuck up somehow and ruin it.
I glanced down at my wrist for what seemed like the twentieth time since I’d come
downstairs, groaning because I’d gotten dressed in such a rush that I forgot to put my
watch on. The sound of my feet hitting the wooden floor practically echoed through the
quiet deserted downstairs as I paced around, and I ran my hand through my hair for what
had to be the hundredth time. She promised me she’d be here, I was fucking counting on
her, and I swear if she abandoned me in my time of need I was going to lose it. This shit
was important, she knew that, so where the fuck was she?
After what seemed like another goddamn hour, I heard the sound of gravel crunching out
front. I walked over to the door, irritated because she’d taken so fucking long, and swung it
open. She got out of her car and walked up to me, smiling vibrantly, all fucking chipper and
awake and oozing brightness. I was still half asleep, nervous and aggravated beyond words,
and something about her happiness irked me even further.
“You’re late,” I said, cocking an eyebrow at her. She rolled her eyes and lightly pushed me
out of the way, coming into the house. She dropped a duffel bag onto the floor beside the
door and reached into her pocket, pulling out a folded up piece of paper.
“I’m early, Edward,” she said, shaking her head. “You told me to be here at six. It was 5:51
when I got out of the car.”
My brow furrowed in confusion as I shut the front door, turning to look at her. “It’s not
even six yet?” I asked. I would’ve sworn I’d be waiting for at least a goddamn hour for her
but I hadn’t left the bedroom until around 5:45.
“No, it’s not six yet. And relax, geez. You can’t start freaking out already or you’re going to
doom yourself,” she said, holding the piece of paper out to me. “It’s going to go fine.”
I sighed and reached out, taking the paper. I slipped it into my pocket and ran my hand
through my hair once again. “You sure? I mean, it’s enough, isn’t it? She’s not a fancy girl
and shit, but I don’t want to skimp,” I said. Alice raised her eyebrows at me, looking
surprised, her expression causing my irrational panic over the situation to surge. “Christ,
it’s too much already, isn’t it? I’m fucking going overboard, I’m going to overwhelm her.”
Alice shook her head, rolling her eyes again. “Didn’t I just tell you to relax, Edward? It’s all
great, she’s going to love it,” she said. I sighed, nodding.
“Good. I’m just fucking worried, ya know? I’ve never done any of this shit before, I don’t
know what the hell I’m doing here,” I said. Alice smiled warmly.
“I know, but like I said, it’s going to be fine. The duffel bag has changes of clothes in it for
both of you and I wrote down on the paper everything you’re going to need so you don’t
forget anything. And I mean it when I say this is all very sweet of you, she’s going to really
appreciate it,” she said, her words sounding quite sincere. I stared at her for a moment,
nodding.
“Thank you, short stuff,” I said honestly, appreciating everything she was willing to do for
me. Alice had been there for me over the years when everyone else practically dubbed me a
lost cause, never once giving up hope on me. After everything I did in the past she shouldn’t
be so willing to help me out, but yet she was because that’s the kind of person Alice was.
“Really.”
She grinned enthusiastically. “You’re welcome. I’m more than happy to help. It’s great to
see you this way, happy and in love.”
I smirked. “Yeah,” I started, about to elaborate when I heard a door shut upstairs. I tensed
up, glancing up the stairs, and saw Jasper appear. I breathed a sigh of relief, running my
hand through my hair, and he smiled.
“Someone looks edgy,” he said jokingly as he came down the stairs. I grumbled under my
breath and he patted me on the back as he hit the foyer, shaking his head. “Ah, you’ll do
fine. My Alley-Cat wouldn’t steer you wrong.”
I nodded and heard another noise upstairs, tensing up once more and looking up. Emmett
appeared a second later and I relaxed again, relieved it wasn’t Isabella already. He laughed
and came down the stairs, shaking his head. “Awww, look at my baby brother, all nervous
and shit. How fucking cute,” he said with amusement. I groaned and reached over,
punching him in the arm as he hit the foyer.
“Fuck you, fuori dai coglioni,” I said, telling him to get off of my nuts. He laughed again,
reaching over and punching me right back. I cursed and rubbed my arm, as he was fucking
strong and that shit hurt.
“Oh, quit being a pansy ass little shit,” Emmett said, heading for the kitchen. “I’m sure
you’ll pull it off, whatever you’re doing. But I’m telling you right now, you better do good
for Izzy Bizzy today or I’m going to kick your ass.”
I groaned. “Whatever, I always do her good,” I said defensively. Emmett turned around and
peeked back out of the kitchen, grinning widely. The moment I saw his expression it
dawned on me exactly what I’d said. “Christ, Emmett, get your fucking mind out of the
gutter, pervert.”
He laughed, throwing his hands up innocently. “I didn’t say anything man!” he said. I
groaned, shaking my head.
“You don’t have to say anything, I can just fucking tell. Everything’s always gotta go back to
sex with you,” I said. He raised his brow questioningly, grinning.
“So says the man-whore,” he said. I rolled my eyes and he laughed. “Well, reformed man-
whore I guess. Can’t exactly call you a whore anymore if the only thing you’re tapping is
your own hand.”
I groaned loudly, and all three of them laughed. “Fuck all of you. I don’t need pussy to be
satisfied,” I said, annoyed. The front door opened behind me and I glanced over quickly to
see Rosalie walk in. I stared at her, surprised I hadn’t even fucking heard her car pulling up
and wondering what the hell she was doing here so early.
“Did I really just hear that correctly?” she said at once, shutting the front door and glancing
over at me. “Did Edward Cullen just say he doesn’t need to fuck?”
Emmett laughed. “Yeah, you heard him right, Rosie Baby. Our little Eddie here is finally
growing up.”
They all laughed, obviously amused by the bullshit. I shook my head, running my hand
through my hair out of irritation. “Like I said, fuck all of you,” I said. “Some goddamn
friends you are.”
“Hey, you better be nice to me brother,” Emmett said.
“And why’s that?” I asked, cocking at eyebrow. He smiled.
“Because I think I might have found a solution to your little problem,” he said, a bit of
seriousness to his voice. I tensed up slightly, staring at him.
“The chip?” I asked after a second. He nodded in response and I felt a strange sense of
optimism erupt inside my chest. I’d laid off of my snooping for the most part, mostly
because Isabella had requested we just chill out and not worry about all of the
complications right now. And I was trying my best to ignore it all, especially after that shit
my father had said to me that day in the car, and most of it I could push out of my mind but
not the goddamn GPS chip. That grated on my nerves, knowing she could be tracked at any
time and had no true means of escape if necessary. There was no way I could allow that shit
to continue, because the protector inside of me felt like she needed that to at least be an
option just in case.
Regardless of what Isabella said and how cool my father seemed to be lately about not
stepping in between us, I wasn’t fucking stupid and I recognized that it was still possible
we’d have to run some day. The rest of the shit, like the DNA test and why the fuck he’d
kept it from me that I’d met Isabella before, could wait but not that damn GPS chip. That
motherfucker had to go. I considered taking her to have it removed but I had no idea who
the fuck to take her to that could and would do it, no questions asked. It’s not a simple
procedure, they’d have to locate it embedded in her tissue and remove it, and do so without
asking me why the fuck she had GPS installed in her when they weren’t even supposed to
be really used on people.
I’d also have to do that without my father knowing and getting Isabella to consent to that
shit after I’d told her I’d back off wasn’t going to be easy. And not to mention the fact that
she didn’t even fucking exist, had absolutely no documentation of her birth or existence, so
no goddamn doctor I knew would lay a fucking finger on her and I couldn’t exactly go
through my fathers connections for it. But regardless, the chip had to go and I was
determined to find a way to eliminate that complication at least.
I wasn’t saying the other shit didn’t bother me anymore, because it did. It was constantly
lingering in the back of my mind, my curiosity spiking occasionally. A lot of the shit my
father had said to me the day we went to the firing range struck a chord with me, half of it
not really making much sense… especially the parts about my mother. It still bothered me
that he insinuated that she wasn’t as fucking good and pure as I remembered her being,
and I wanted to know what the fuck he meant by it not being his fault that she died. The
more I thought about it, the more it seemed like he was trying to blame my mother for
getting herself killed and that irked me. Yeah, even I wondered over time if she’d done
anything to gain unwanted attention by the wrong people, but nothing she could’ve done
would warrant her being murdered so I can’t make myself blame her regardless.
But still, I wondered who the fuck my father blamed for it, if not himself. Did he blame my
mom? Is that why he was insinuating she wasn’t as fucking good as I remembered her
being? And when he got out of the car and told me if I didn’t stop snooping he was going to
lose me like he lost her… was he fucking confirming that my mom had been snooping after
all? What the hell could she have been snooping for? She hated my father’s job, she
wouldn’t have involved herself in that shit unless she felt she had no choice. So what could
it have been, if anything?
I really wanted to know, now more than ever, why the fuck she was killed. But I was trying
to push that shit back and not let my curiosity control me, because if my father was being
civil for the time being I didn’t want to go snooping around and open up a can of worms or
whatever.
Another thing that bothered me was how the hell my father knew the shit he knew. The
things he said about Isabella needing structure and weaned gradually into the real world
made perfect fucking sense, but how the hell did he know that? I hadn’t even thought of
that shit but he seemed to just know what needed to be done, like it was second nature to
him or he’d had experience with it but that didn’t make sense. Furthermore, why was he
even fucking bothering? Why the hell had he really bought Isabella? Because it was quite
fucking clear now she wasn’t just a goddamn slave child, not if he was letting me be with
her for the time being and trying to acclimate her to our definition of ‘normal’.
I’d done my best to help her the past month or so, and every day it got clearer and clearer
that my father had been completely right. My world would’ve fucking ate her alive had she
been thrust into it from the get-go. I talked Alice a lot over the past few weeks and she’d
been helping me out without anyone knowing, giving me ideas on how the hell to get
Isabella to open up and grow accustomed to the real world. It was pretty fucking hard a few
times because I knew I was consenting to shit that she’d be slightly uncomfortable with, but
I did it because she needed it to happen. She was ready for it. She needed to find a bit of
independence within herself and not lean on me so much, and, Christ, I wanted her to
fucking lean on me but I wasn’t stupid. I could see that I couldn’t always be there for her.
She was going to have to find out how to stand on her own two feet independently, no
matter how hard learning to do that would be.
The spa trip was one example of me trying to help her find a bit of independence and
normalcy. Alice had come to me a few days before and asked me what I thought about them
taking her and I was hesitant at first, but finally figured it would at least test to see how
she’d fare off without me. The shit was difficult, it felt like I was throwing her to the fucking
wolves and I wanted nothing more than to sit her down and explain the shit to her, exactly
what was going to happen, but I kept my mouth shut because she needed to learn to
fucking ask questions if she didn’t know about something. And when Alice told her they
were going to the spa and Isabella automatically just said “okay”, her generic goddamn
answer that I hated because you never knew how she really felt, it upset me at first and I
wanted to tell her she didn’t have to go. But I kept my mouth shut and just gave those
bitches a subtle warning to bring her back intact, hoping for the best.
They didn’t fucking listen, of course, and ended up getting her waxed. I’d been upset at
first, because Isabella was fine how she was, and it pissed me off even more when they told
me she did that shit alone with a goddamn man. I didn’t give a shit if he were gay or not,
those bitches ought to have known not to have her do that shit, not just because of me but
also because of her. She can smile and say she’s fine all she wants, but I know my girl. I
knew that shit was hard for her, especially with her fear of being violated. I didn’t tell Rose
and Alice that shit, that she was so afraid of being raped, because I felt like it wasn’t my
position to go spilling Isabella’s inner most fears to outside people. But still, they should’ve
fucking known better.
I couldn’t deny that I had to fight off irrational jealousy at the fact that some man had seen
and touched my girls’ private area. And yeah, I got possessive over her afterward, and
couldn’t keep my fucking hands off of her in the bathtub. The fact that I was only goddamn
17 and still predominantly fuelled by hormones is part of what led me to fucking bust in the
bathroom where she was after hearing about her waxing. I wanted to check on her, of
course, because I was pretty goddamn worried about how she was feeling and what she was
dealing with. But after I knew she was all right and I saw the beauty that was her bare, I
couldn’t fucking help myself. I had to touch her; I had to fucking feel her. So I did, and I’ll
be damned if me getting her off with the vibrator wasn’t the goddamn hottest thing I’d ever
seen.
I’d been real tempted to penetrate her with it, see how she’d react to having it inside of her
because it was a lot fucking smaller than me, but I resisted the urge. She had to be feeling a
bit weird after having some strange motherfucker all up in her privates, so the last thing
she needed was my ass getting overly hormonal and wanting to fuck her with a plastic toy
for the first time to add to her discomfort. Plus, I kinda wanted her first penetration to be
me personally. There was something real fucking erotic about that, being the first thing
ever truly inside of her.
I’d told her I wanted her, and I really fucking did, and the moment she questioned me on it
I knew I could’ve had her. She would’ve let me, and I didn’t know if she was truthfully
ready yet or was just giving into me because she knew I wanted it, but regardless it wasn’t
the right time. Not only were my insecurities acting up and making me possessive, she’d
had a strange enough day as it was and I’d been drinking. I might touch her but I didn’t
want to pop her cherry after gulping down Vodka. I wanted to be sober for that shit, on my
game to make sure I didn’t fucking slip back into that ‘all about me’ mindset I used to have
while fucking. No, our first time had to be all about her. I had to worship her and treat her
right and I wasn’t in the mindset to be able to do that when we were in the bathtub.
Plus, it was odd, but it felt like there was something else off. Like the time wasn’t right for
some reason, that something was fucking missing. And I couldn’t put my finger on what it
was, but I sensed it. And that was fucking with my head, because since when had I turned
into the kind of person that needed shit to be perfect to get my dick wet? But it was
Isabella, and of course every goddamn thing was different with her. I just wish I knew what
the hell it was that was wrong so I could fix the shit.
Regardless of all of that and the slight steps back she’d taken over the spa trip, Isabella had
made some major fucking progress over the past month mentally, which proved to me even
further that my father knew what he was talking about. And I hated that shit, admitting he
might fucking know what Isabella needed more than I did, but I couldn’t deny it was the
truth. That didn’t forgive him for that bullshit he did to her over the gun, but even he didn’t
expect to be forgiven for that. But it does make me understand some of his other actions
better, his fucking patience with her and how he’s slowly starting to treat her almost
normal. But still, why? He couldn’t be doing the shit for me, there had to be something else.
None of it made sense, but I wasn’t in the position to rock the boat and go digging for
answers. At least, not until I knew that if we had to fucking run on the drop of a dime he
wouldn’t be able to find us easily.
“So what’s the solution?” I asked hesitantly, almost fucking nervous about it. My brother
was quite smart when it came to the technical shit and there was really no telling what the
hell plan he’d come up with.
“Well, it’s not just one thing, it’s more of a few things combined that can buy you some time
in a pinch until we can come up with a permanent solution,” he said. “First of all, we need
to get a couple GPS jammers. They make some pretty decent ones these days and I’m sure
if you go through whoever you get your arsenal of weapons from you can get some powerful
ones. You need at least one to plug in your car, so anytime she’s in or near your Volvo she
can’t be tracked. It’ll only cover about a 15 meter radius so it’s not much protection, but it
will cover her if you’re inside the car and it’s turned on, ya know?”
I nodded. “Okay, I can get one of them. What else?”
He sighed. “They make some new GPS jammers, they’re like the size of your palm and can
fit in your pocket. We can get one or two of them for her to carry if she’s away from the
Volvo. Their battery only lasts a few hours after turned on and they need to be recharged,
but they could come in handy. The only problem is learning to disguise them in case Dad
spots one.”
I nodded. “Is that it?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly. He shook his head.
“That’s just for backup. What I need to do is get a hold of dad’s laptop, because I guarantee
the program he uses to track her is on it. He might have it on his phone too, I don’t know.
But if I can get to it, I can find a way to hack into it and change the code. After a few phone
calls and cashing in some favors he’ll probably find a way to get back into it, but it’ll buy
some more time at least,” he said, shrugging.
I nodded again. “Yeah, that’ll help a lot,” I said, slightly relieved that even if it wasn’t a
permanent fix it would at least help out some.
“Yeah, that’s not all of it though,” he said. “Once I’m in the program, I might be able to
switch the signal he’s tracking. If we can get a GPS signal in the house I can switch the
coordinates he’s tracking to a new one. It would probably take awhile for him to figure it
out and track down the correct signal, especially if he hasn’t been checking it regularly.”
I stared at him with surprise. “Shit, Em, that’s some pretty fucking good thinking,” I said.
He grinned, looking quite fucking proud of himself.
“Yeah, I know,” he said. “Now we just gotta find a way to get a hold of dad’s laptop.”
I smirked and nodded and heard Rosalie huff. I glanced over at her and saw she was
looking at Emmett and I with annoyance.
“You both are fucking idiots, I swear,” she said, shaking her head. “Are you trying to get
yourselves in trouble? Seriously, have you even stopped to think that maybe Dr. C knows
what the hell he’s doing? Maybe you should just leave it alone.”
Emmett simply shrugged, obviously enjoying having a fucking puzzle to solve regardless of
whether he should be doing it or not, and I shook my head.
“No fucking way,” I said, irritated she’d even suggest that shit. I heard Jasper sigh and
glanced over at him.
“Maybe Rose is right,” he said. “Maybe it’s for the best if it’s just left alone.” My eyes
widened with shock that he’d take that position.
“Seriously, Jasper? You think it’s better to leave her chipped like a fucking dog? You can’t
even give me that shit; you’re a fucking statistical person. Tell me, what are the fucking
odds that a GPS tracking device inside of her will come in handy and actually help her?” I
asked. He stared at me for a second before shaking his head.
“I agree the odds are slim that anyone would ever need it to help her, but you never know,
Edward,” he said. I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever, there’s no reason we’d ever need to use it to find her. She’s never going away, I
don’t care,” I said defensively. I was acting a bit irrational and immature but I couldn’t help
it. “Regardless, you have to admit the odds of the shit hurting her are greater. And think
like a fucking compassionate person. Would you like one of those damn things inside of
you so someone can track you constantly? That shit isn’t fair to her.”
Jasper stared at me for a moment before nodding. “You’re right,” he said simply. I nodded
and heard Rosalie huff once more, obviously not liking the fact that my other brother was
on my side now. I tried not to take that shit personal, she was nice enough to Isabella these
days and I knew she was only worried about her boyfriend being dragged into some shit
that could get him hurt. I didn’t like it either and wished I could figure it out on my own
and keep my brothers out of it, but I couldn’t.
“Anyway,” I said, glancing down at my wrist and groaning once more because I still didn’t
have my fucking watch on. “I’ve gotta get going, I’ve got shit to do.”
They all nodded in agreement, wishing me luck. Alice said she’d get Isabella up in a few
minutes and they’d start their day. I almost felt bad, sticking Isabella with Alice all day long
without giving her any advanced warning, but I really wanted to surprise her. Alice was
taking her to get dolled up, manicures and pedicures. She was also buying her a dress for
tonight and then she was taking her to her house to get her ready. I’d already set some
ground rules on all of it, like nothing fucking drastic with her hair and not a lot of makeup
and none of those damn acrylic nails. Isabella didn’t need that shit done and I knew she
wouldn’t like it anyway. I told her to keep the shit simple and the dress was supposed to be
something Isabella picked out. Nothing too flashy, definitely not too short or anything, and
she was to have flat shoes.
Yeah, I was being demanding of Alice and maybe that was wrong since she was doing me a
favor but I didn’t give a shit. I could plan whatever I wanted and pull it off completely and
the night would still be a total disaster if Isabella twisted her ankle trying to walk in some
ridiculous heels Alice forced her into.
I grabbed my laptop and the bag Alice had dropped by the front door and slipped outside,
going straight for the Volvo. The sun was starting to rise finally and I knew Isabella would
be waking up soon on her own if Alice didn’t wake her. I started the car up, throwing it in
gear and going down the driveway, flying through Forks and hitting Highway 101 for Port
Angeles. I had some things I wanted to get accomplished and I only had a few hours to do
so before Alice would be bringing Isabella back to the house to meet me.
The roads were quite deserted because of it being so early, so I was able to make it to Port
Angeles fairly quickly. I turned off on a side road once I hit the area, driving through some
remote back roads until the large structure came into view. It was the George Washington
Inn, a bed & breakfast on the Strait of Juan de Fuca. It was sitting in a meadow at the foot
of the Olympic Mountains so it had views of both the water and the land, and I knew the
moment I spotted the motherfucker that Isabella was going love it. The view was amazing,
something I knew she’d appreciate, and it was secluded so we didn’t have to worry about
other people being around the area. I’d called them a few days ago, practically fucking
begging them to give me the place tonight, and they balked at first but finally caved when I
offered them a shitload of money. Yeah, I rented the entire fucking Inn for the night… so
sue me.
I parked the car in front of the immense white mansion and climbed out, looking around.
The sun had finally risen completely, casting light along the meadow. Across the meadow,
among some trees, was what appeared to be some deer. I stared at them for a moment,
thinking they had to be fucking ornamental until one of them moved and took a few steps
forward in my direction. My eyes widened with surprise and I gazed around in a fucking
daze, feeling like I was in some goddamn Disney Movie or some shit and the animals were
coming out to greet me. I half expected the motherfucker to start talking with the way he
was looking at me, and damn near had the urge to grab my gun under the seat in case he
did. It was surreal and I had to laugh at myself after a moment because I was being so
goddamn ridiculous about it. I saw deer all the fucking time at our house but something
about being here and seeing them just chilling out near the front lawn seemed different. It
was strange, to say the least.
I heard a throat clear behind me after a second and turned my head toward the mansion to
see a woman about my father’s age standing at the front door. She smiled warmly at me
and introduced herself as the Innkeeper. I charmed her a bit, grateful she’d fucking caved
and let me rent the place, and she told me to come inside so we could take care of business.
I grabbed the duffel bag and laptop from the car, heading inside and spotting the piano in
the corner immediately. It wasn’t as good as mine but it would suffice for the night. She sat
down behind a desk and I pulled out the thirty one hundred dollar bills, handing her the
three thousand I’d agreed to pay. I could see the excitement in her eyes as she took them
from me and smirked, knowing I was making her fucking night for sure. Usually they’d
only make $850 a night with full capacity, which meant a shitload of work for her to do in
order to please a bunch of guests, and here I was paying her over triple that to leave me the
fuck alone. I confirmed the fact that she was supposed to be out of sight the entire night,
that I wanted complete privacy and she agreed once again, promising she’d make herself
scarce after 4pm and it would be like she wasn’t even there.
She gave me a quick tour of the place, pointing out the different rooms. She had people in
one of the smaller rooms that wouldn’t leave for another few hours but I didn’t care
because we wouldn’t be staying in there anyway. She showed me to the biggest room, which
she said was the presidential suite but in actuality wasn’t much bigger than my bedroom at
home but whatever, it was nice and Bella would like it so I didn’t give a shit. I dropped the
dufflebag in the corner of the room and sat my laptop down on the table.
She departed, telling me the place was essentially mine for the next twenty-four hours and
I thanked her once more, hoping like hell that would be the last time I fucking saw her face
her until we checked out. She seemed like a nice lady and all but I didn’t want any
interruptions tonight. I just wanted it to be me and Bella--no one else.
I headed back out to the car and opened the driver’s side door, slipping back inside the
Volvo. I started it up and pulled around, heading back out for downtown Port Angeles. I
drove toward First Street and parked, climbing out. I shut the door and locked up the
Volvo, not wanting anyone to take the motherfucker, and glanced around. I pulled the list
Alice had made for me from my back pocket, unfolding it and glancing through it quickly.
My brow furrowed at a few of the items, as I had no fucking idea where I’d even get them.
Like a goddamn basket, where the fuck do you buy a picnic basket? And why the fuck did I
even need a picnic basket? Was I goddamn Yogi Bear? Couldn’t I just buy some fucking
containers and throw the shit in one of those plastic shopping bags I’m bound to get half a
dozen of during the trip?
It seemed like a waste to me, but whatever. I was trusting Alice to help guide me, much like
I was guiding Isabella. We all needed a little help sometimes and it was clear to me that the
romance department was one place I definitely could use some improvement in.
I wandered through shops for a while, finding a decent looking basket at some antique
store. I didn’t know what kind of fucking basket it was, if there were even different types of
baskets. I asked the lady working if it was a picnic basket and she looked at me like I was
stupid, which made me almost want to hit her with said motherfucking basket, but I kept
my cool the best I could. Chances were she didn’t fucking know the difference between
baskets, if there even was a difference, and was just working this job for minimum wage to
pay her rent, and there I was wasting her fucking time over an unnecessary goddamn
basket. But I couldn’t help it. I was starting to stress out and was acting finicky again,
wanting to make the day perfect but it was already going to shit because Alice just had to
write ‘picnic basket’ on my list.
After what seemed like an hour I just bought the fucking thing, as it seemed big enough to
be used for picnics. I had to get points for trying at least, even if it was wrong.
After I paid for the basket I glanced back through my list, freezing when my eyes came
upon the words ‘picnic blanket’. I glared at the word picnic for a moment, suddenly fucking
wishing I’d decided to just take her to some goddamn restaurant in Seattle and wined and
dined her like every other prick would be doing for their girlfriend tonight.
I wasn’t sure what the fuck a picnic blanket really was, but I imagined some red and white
chequered blanket like I saw on cartoons growing up. You know what I’m talking about, the
cartoon with the fucking anteater and the ants carrying away the goddamn food? Just
thinking about it started stressing me out even more, because I hadn’t even thought about
bugs. What if the flies or ants or bees invaded my goddamn picnic, what was I supposed to
do about that?
I glanced back through the list briefly, not seeing anything that looked like its purpose was
to ward off bugs, and reached into my pocket to grab my phone. I flipped it open and found
Alice’s name immediately, sighing with irritation. It started ringing and I waited
impatiently.
“Yeah?” she said timidly as she answered after what seemed like the millionth goddamn
ring. I groaned, reaching up to pinch the bridge of my nose and nearly poking myself in the
fucking eye with my list. Yeah, the day was going to hell.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do when the ants try to steal my fucking food, Alice?” I
asked. She didn’t respond for a second but finally giggled, which pissed me off because this
was far from being a funny matter. This was fucking serious. “I don’t find this bullshit
funny Alice. And what the fuck is a picnic blanket?”
She continued to laugh and I groaned, hanging up the phone because I was annoyed and
she wasn’t helping. I went to slip it back in my pocket but before I could it started ringing
again. I sighed, answering it.
“What, you wanna fucking laugh some more?” I spat, aggravated. I heard her snort with
laughter but she was desperately trying to contain herself.
“Did I not tell you to relax, Edward? You’re getting worked up over nothing. Bugs won’t be
a problem. And a picnic blanket is just a blanket, any blanket. Just buy a blanket,” she said.
“Alright, thanks,” I mumbled, hanging up the phone and slipping it in my pocket. I walked
into a store and glanced around, determined to buy the first fucking blanket I saw but froze
when the red and white checker pattern caught my eye. I sighed, shaking my head as I read
the words ‘picnic blanket’ written on the plastic it was encased in. I’d had a fucking
meltdown for nothing.
I grabbed it, along with a bunch of containers, and paid for it all before going back out to
the Volvo and throwing the things in the back. I climbed in and drove across town to the
grocery store, heading inside and grabbing one of those carrying baskets they had sitting
inside the door. At least I knew that basket wasn’t a motherfucking picnic basket.
I went through the store quickly, thankfully having a bit of experience at this shit now from
going with Isabella, and grabbed everything Alice had written out on the list for me. I took
it up to the front to pay for it, grabbing a couple Toblerone bars at the register. It was
fucking Valentines Day and people bought chocolate for it, so that shit seemed to make
sense at least.
I took the bags out to the car and started through town, heading back out toward the Inn. I
arrived and got out, grabbing all of my stuff. I passed some people leaving as I headed
inside, nodding at them in greeting, and ran into the Innkeeper again. She offered to help
me and I waved her off, telling her I was doing the shit by myself, and she thankfully
scampered away. I went into the kitchen there and got the basket out, putting the food
together the best I could. It took me awhile but I eventually got the basket packed full of
food and sat it in the fridge to keep cool. I sat the blanket on the counter and headed back
out to the Volvo, climbing back in it and driving straight back to downtown Port Angeles. I
went to the florist and glanced around at the flowers, feeling so far out of my element it was
fucking ridiculous. I’d never bought a fucking flower in my life, that shit grew in the ground
and there was no point in paying so much fucking money for something that was going to
die. But it was Valentines Day and judging by how packed the fucking place was, buying
flowers was evidently what I was supposed to fucking do.
I couldn’t tell you the difference between most flowers but I did know what a goddamn rose
was, and maybe it was cliché but I went with what I knew. I ordered four-dozen red roses
and the man put them in vases for me, ringing them up. I was fucking stunned at the price,
because who pays damn near $200 for some fucking flowers that are just going to sit there
and then wilt in a few days? Apparently the answer to that was me, because I pulled out the
Amex and paid for it without bitching too much. I headed out, sitting them carefully in the
backseat and hoping like hell the motherfuckers didn’t tip over and get any water on my
leather seats. I drove straight back out to the Inn, taking the flowers up to the suite and
sitting them around. I took a flower out and started pulling the petals off of it, tossing them
onto the tan blanket on the bed. I tossed the stem in the trashcan, taking another rose from
a vase and heading into the bathroom. I tore the petals off of it, tossing them along the
counter around the sink before throwing that stem away also. I saw that shit done all the
time in the movies and girls seemed to eat it up, so I figured it was worth trying.
I glanced down at my wrist, groaning at my stupidity because I still didn’t have my fucking
watch on and I should’ve grasped that fact already. I shook my head and glanced around
for a clock, stunned when I saw it was noon. Where had the time gone?
I grabbed a rose from one of the vases and headed out, driving back to Forks. My nerves
were still on fucking edge, a queasiness nagging at me from the pit of my stomach. I knew it
was ridiculous, that Isabella was going to appreciate the gesture and I didn’t have to be a
goddamn perfectionist, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted things to be right tonight, I wanted
to give her a day to remember because she deserved it.
I got back to the house and went inside, tossing the rose down on the kitchen counter and
grabbing a soda from the fridge. I headed up to my room, stripping out of my clothes. I
glanced around, noticing Isabella had taken the time to make the bed this morning even
though Alice was here and probably nagging the shit out of her. But that was Isabella, she
did that shit even though I told her countless times she didn’t have to. It was so trivial but it
reminded me of her willpower, her strength and determination that only I got to see most
of the time. When she was dead-set on doing something, she was going to fucking do it no
matter what you said… and I loved that about her. She was going to be fucking fierce once
she got reprogrammed.
I hated calling it that, but that’s what it felt like. I was trying to get her to unlearn
everything she knew and teach her shit our way. I felt like I was reprogramming her for a
new life.
I got into the shower to wash off and stood under the spray, trying to calm myself. I was
tense and overreacting about stupid shit, and Alice was right… I was going to doom myself
if I didn’t relax. But I couldn’t fucking help it, that was who I was and I knew smoking a
bowl or a few swigs of vodka would help me unwind but I was trying to fucking stay sober
today. I didn’t like having to depend on that shit anyway, didn’t want to have to resort to
getting intoxicated to get through this day. The shit was supposed to be special, it was
supposed to be a declaration of our love and what kinda asshole would I be to need to get
fucked up to survive that?
I leaned back against the shower wall, closing my eyes and sighing. I reached down and
wrapped my hand around my dick, as it was hard as fucking usual and I knew at least a
release would loosen up my muscles a bit. I stroked it a few times, keeping my grip firm,
and it took a while before I could feel the pressure building up inside of me because I
couldn’t seem to shut my mind off. I just kept thinking about fucking baskets and ants and
flowers, and how I was going to fuck this up and say something wrong or do something that
pissed her off, because that was just my goddamn luck. I finally felt it boiling up and
groaned, throwing my head back and slamming it against the wall hard. A sharp pain
ripped through the back of my head the same time my orgasm hit, and intense mixture of
pleasure and pain running through my body that nearly buckled my knees. I stopped
stroking it after a second, letting go of my dick and just stood there under the water with
my eyes closed, trying to get a grip on myself. I opened my eyes finally and shut the water
off, sighing.
Did I mention I fucking hated Valentine’s Day? Because I do.
Today was also my parents wedding anniversary. I always thought that shit was cheesy, the
fact that they got married on this day, but I guess at least they had a legitimate excuse to
celebrate love on February 14th. If I weren’t so fucking heartbroken myself over losing my
mother I might have felt a bit of relief at knowing at least someone else out there was
stressing today as much as me. Because I knew without a doubt my father was taking the
shit hard. I was glad he was gone, which I recognized was fucking rude, but he usually
spent today moping around and getting drunk and emotional and that was the last thing I
wanted to deal with right now. I felt really fucking bad for him, now more than ever,
because all I could think about was what if it were me and Bella? What if it was the woman
I loved dead? I didn’t even like to think about that shit but I knew I’d be an inconsolable
asshole too if I was dealt those cards, no matter whose fucking fault it was.
I dried off and brushed my teeth before heading back into the bedroom, glancing in the
closet. I pulled on a pair of black boxers and one of my white wifebeaters before slipping on
a pair of black pants. I pulled one of my white button up shirts out of the closet, grabbing
the one with the black striped designed and put it on, buttoning it up. I left the top few
buttons undone because I always felt smothered if I didn’t.
I grabbed my black blazer, because I wanted to try to be fucking half assed dressed up for
her, and slipped it on, leaving it unbuttoned. I put some socks on and debated on the shoes
before just fucking grabbing my white and black Nikes because they matched. I wasn’t
going to spend all day in uncomfortable shoes, fuck that.
I finished getting ready, making sure to put my watch on this time so I didn’t spend all
night looking at my wriest like an idiot. I put on my belt so my goddamn pants stopped
falling down and spritzing myself with cologne. I ran my hands through my hair to try to at
least make the shit have some type of order to it, and gazed at myself in the mirror.
I looked fucking good, I knew it, and most of the girls from Forks High would throw
themselves at me if they saw me. But I knew shit like that didn’t impress Isabella. She
found me attractive, of course, but she wouldn’t fall to her knees over me like other girls.
She cared more about what was on the inside than what was on the outside. But still, I
wanted to look good for her. I wanted to try to impress her. I didn’t know how to fucking do
that in reality, how the hell someone like her was impressed, but I was giving it my all
today in hopes that I could fucking do it. I wanted her to see how much I cared for her, how
important she was to me because I told her the shit all of the time but I never really had the
opportunity to show her. Christ, we’re both still young, we live in my father’s house and
99% of the time we spend together is in my goddamn bedroom. I wanted her to see that
what we had extended beyond that.
Ever since I told Alice about it, she’s been calling the shit Operation Cinderella. I rolled my
eyes at her and told her she was being ridiculous, even though in a sense it kind of felt that
way. I could very easily take her from rags to riches and she’d never have to fucking serve
other people again, never have to be ordered around or do anything she didn’t want to do. I
mean, fuck, even I felt like I’d been in a Disney movie earlier. But the fact of the matter
was, I wasn’t Prince Charming. The closest I got to being a prince was being a Principe
Della Mafia, and there was nothing even remotely romantic about that shit. I hoped for a
happily ever after like the next motherfucker did, but I knew I couldn’t promise her all
sunshine along the way. Despite what my mother used to call me, the fact was I wasn’t even
close to being fucking sunshine—even if Isabella did claim I smelled like it. In reality, I was
more like that ridiculous gray cloud covering that seemed to linger over Forks. You never
knew when it was going to let loose and pour on you but you knew at some point it would,
and every now and then it would lighten up and a little bit of fucking warmth would shine
through. That was me, and she brought the warmth back out of me, but my prediction of
the future is about as good as the goddamn weatherman’s. Shit changes that we have no
control over but I wanted her to realize I was in this for the long haul, that I wanted her in
the outside world with me no matter how hard the shit may be for us.
I flicked the light off and walked out of the bedroom, starting down the stairs. I made it
down to the foyer, glancing at my watch. It was nearly 3pm already and it had been a long
fucking day already, but it was just now truly starting. Alice would be dropping Isabella off
soon and I was nervous beyond words. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the rose off of
the counter, walking back into the foyer. I started pacing the floor again, much like I’d done
earlier in the morning, my anxiety growing with every step I took. There was no way I could
stand still and I was freaking out, just knowing something was going to go haywire. My
mind kept running through all the potential catastrophes that could happen while I waited
for that goddamn yellow car to pull up outside again. I was going to say something wrong, I
knew it. I was going to offend her. I’d do something to piss her off, something I had no
business doing.
She was going to be disappointed in the night, or she was going to be overwhelmed by it
and panic herself. The picnic would be a goddamn disaster, I just knew it already. Fuck, it
was going to be goddamn invasion of the ants, or if they didn’t take over and Isabella
actually got to eat she’d probably get fucking food poisoning. Christ, I didn’t cook anything
so I didn’t see how that was even possible, but if there was a goddamn way for it to happen
it likely would. Fuck, what if one of us had an allergic reaction like in that movie “Hitch”? I
mean I’m not fucking allergic to anything and neither is she that I knew of, but I never
really asked. God, what was wrong with me, why didn’t I ask that shit? If none of that, it
was going to fucking storm, even though the weatherman said it would be a completely
clear evening. But like I just fucking said a moment ago, what did those assholes know?
They couldn’t predict the future.
Earthquake. Tornado. Tsunami. Monsoon. Hurricane. Fire. Flood. Hail. Blizzard. Christ I
didn’t even know if half of them were even fucking plausible here but with my luck, the shit
was bound to happen. We could have car trouble or get in a fucking accident. Christ, I
hoped like hell we didn’t fuck up the Volvo. A goddamn drunk driver’ll probably hit us the
one day I’m determined to stay sober myself.
There was just entirely too much that could go wrong and as I paced the floor, every
potential scenario bombarded me. I was panicking, damn near close to having a
breakdown, my hand practically glued to my motherfucking hair. I was shocked I hadn’t
pulled a handful of it out yet with the way I was tugging on the shit. But I was nervous and
couldn’t help it, because this was supposed to be perfect and it wasn’t. Something was off.
And I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but something just didn’t fucking feel right.
I continued to pace and glanced at my watch once more, twirling the rose around in my
hands nervously, glad the florist had already de-thorned it or my hand would be all fucking
cut up and I’d be bleeding all over the fucking floor. And if I did that shit, Isabella would
come in here and want to clean it up, because she wouldn’t want the goddamn blood to
stain the floor, and I’d fucking lose it. Oh God, there was another fucking scenario for me to
worry about…
After what seemed like an eternity I heard the gravel crunching outside and turned to face
the door, tensing up. I heard the sound of a car door and my heart started pounding hard,
my nerves boiling over. Christ, you’d think I was about to be in a fucking shootout or the
fucking Feds were at the door with the way I was goddamn freaking out. It was only
Isabella, the girl who for some reason loved my ridiculous ass and put up with my
nonsense, the one who slept beside me every night in bed. She saw me at my worst, saw me
violent and out of control and she still managed to love me. There was no fucking reason
for me to be acting this way, even if I did manage to make this night a total disaster. She
wouldn’t care, she’d probably laugh the shit off or just shrug her shoulders and thank me
for trying. But I just didn’t do these things and no matter how many times Alice told me my
plans were good or that it was going to be fine, it still didn’t feel right. It was like having a
fucking puzzle and scattering all the pieces out and getting little groups together but none
of it seems to fit right because you’re missing a piece. The problem is you don’t know which
fucking piece that is, how important it is to the big picture, you just know the goddamn
thing is missing.
The doorknob turned and I tensed up even more, my mind and heart both working
frantically. I felt like I was having a heart attack or a mental breakdown, something, and
regardless of which it was I thought for sure I’d need a fucking doctor pronto. In my
irrational panic I even wondered if Bella knew CPR and made a mental note to teach her
that shit in case I fell the fuck out sometime. It was bound to happen eventually with the
way she overworked my heart.
The door was pushed open and I stared at it, fighting off the irrational urge to duck and
run. What the fuck had gotten into me? I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
Isabella stepped in the doorway and glanced over at me, freezing in spot. The moment my
eyes fell upon her, all of the panic that had been coursing through me and eating away at
me all day melted away almost instantly. Because at that moment I knew exactly what had
been wrong, what it was that had been missing.
It was her.
She was that missing piece to the puzzle, and now that she was here in front of me it all
seemed to just fit together seamlessly. Everything was right again. I didn’t worry about
tornados or earthquakes or fires, wasn’t freaking out over goddamn ants, and couldn’t
honestly care less about what kind of fucking basket I bought. We’d endure and handle
whatever life through our way. All that mattered was the beautiful woman a few feet in
front of me, standing there staring at me with surprise, looking about as fucking nervous as
I’d felt all day.
Actually, ‘beautiful’ was nowhere near good enough of a word for how she looked. I
wracked my brain quickly as we stood there, trying to come up with a word sufficient
enough to describe her, but there wasn’t one. The closest I could find was ‘perfect’ and I
knew she wasn’t fucking perfect in the traditional sense, we were all fucking flawed, but
looking at her it just seemed to fit. ‘Perfect’.
I’d been busting my ass and stressing out, trying to make the day perfect, when it had been
completely unnecessary, as any moment with her was as perfect as a moment could be. We
could be sick with the flu and watching Fox News, which I’d rather fucking walk on hot
coals than watch, and I’d be pretty content as long as she was there beside me. We could go
to church, which I’d rather get sliced up by razor blades and thrown in a pool of alcohol
than do, and I wouldn’t fucking fret it. I had nothing against organized religion and didn’t
discount the fact that there might be a God, but with the life we lived I was quite sure
lighting would fucking strike me if I went to worship in a house of the Lord. But I’d risk
that shit if Bella wanted to go to church, and I wouldn’t give it a second thought, because as
long as she was with me it wouldn’t be that bad--electrocution or not.
She was standing in the doorway eyeing me curiously, looking slightly confused. Just
looking at her, fidgeting nervously and all dolled up, nearly took my breath away. She had
on a white layered dress that went down to about her knees, a black jacket thing and black
tights with black flat shoes. I didn’t know shit about girls’ clothes so I couldn’t describe
what the fuck the stuff was, but I imagined she probably didn’t know either. Regardless, the
shit looked good. She looked good. She had a little bit of makeup on, not too much, and her
hair was pulled back and wavy.
I stood there for a moment, just taking her in, a smirk enveloping my lips. She seemed to
relax immediately at the sight of my smile, her own lips curving upward and the
nervousness dissipating from her features. She took a few steps inside, turning around
briefly to close the door. I took a few steps forward nonchalantly, unable to take my eyes off
of her. It was like I was fucking mesmerized by her, drawn to her like we had a magnetic
pull between us. She turned back around to face me, smiling sweetly as I approached.
“Ah, la mia bella ragazza. Buon San Valentino,” I said, holding out the flower to her. Her
eyes widened with shock at she stared at it briefly before reaching out and gingerly taking it
from me. “Happy Valentine’s Day. You look beautiful.”
Her smile grew radiant as she turned her attention from the rose to me. “Thank you,” she
said softly. “You look really handsome.”
My smirk grew. “I know,” I said playfully. “Don’t I always?” She giggled, the sound so
fucking carefree and happy that it immediately sent my heart pounding, that dull ache in
my chest she often gave me just by her presence growing. I never imagined loving someone
like I loved her.
“Of course you do. But today you’re extra handsome,” she said, shrugging. I nodded.
“Grazie,” I said softly, thanking her. “Sorry I wasn’t here this morning, but I had some shit
to do, ya know? I fully intend to make it up to you tonight, though.”
“How?” she asked curiously, raising her eyebrows. I chuckled, shaking my head.
“You think I’m going to spoil the surprise? Hell no, you’re just going to have to wait and see
what I have planned,” I said.
“Really?” she asked, sounding surprised. My brow furrowed in confusion and I nodded.
“Yes, really. Why do you think I had you get so dressed up?” I asked. She shrugged.
“Alice said it was Valentine’s Day so I thought maybe this was my surprise,” she said,
motioning toward her clothes. I groaned, rolling my eyes.
“You seriously think that would be your surprise?” I asked. She shrugged and I sighed,
shaking my head, fighting back the urge to tell her to quit being so fucking absurd. “No,
Bella, this isn’t your surprise. This was just a fucking distraction so I could slip away and
get your surprise ready.”
She stared at me for a second before breaking out into a heavenly smile. “You’re so sweet,”
she said, glancing down at the rose in her hand, the blush creeping up into her cheeks.
“Thank you so much.” I started laughing as she brought the flower up to her nose to smell
it.
“Don’t go thanking me yet, baby. No guarantees that I won’t fuck it all up,” I said chuckling.
She glanced back at me, still blushing and smiling.
“As long as we’re together, it’ll be fine,” she said. I paused before nodding, a little surprised
to hear her say that since I’d had that same exact revelation hit me not moments before
“Yeah, it will be,” I said quietly. I gazed at her for a moment and she looked back at me,
staring straight into my eyes. I took another step forward and leaned in, pressing my lips to
hers softly. She sighed happily and parted her lips, which were coated in lip-gloss, bringing
her tongue out at once. I ran my tongue along her lips briefly, tasting the sweet strawberry
flavor, before caressing her tongue with my own. “So sweet,” I said, pulling away from her
mouth. I ran my pointer finger across her bottom lip, gathering up some of the lip-gloss
and bringing it up to my mouth. I tasted it again, smirking. “You know that shit’s going to
be off your mouth before we even get anywhere, right?” I leaned back forward and kissed
her once more.
She smiled, nodding when I pulled away. “I know, that’s why Alice gave me the tube,” she
said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the tube of pink tinted gloss. I smirked.
“Well good thinking on Alice’s part,” I said. I glanced down at my watching, sighing. “Yeah
ready to get this night started?” She nodded and I walked over, opening the door and
motioning for her to go out. I locked up and opened the car door, being a fucking
gentleman as usual with that shit. She gave me a sweet smile as she climbed in the car, the
excitement obvious in her eyes. I shut the door and sighed, hoping like hell I didn’t do
something to ruin that.
I got in the car and started it up, heading back out toward Port Angeles. I tried to drive
fairly sensibility but it was a lost cause with me because my foot seemed to have a mind of
its own, the speedometer slowly but surely inching upward. I saw Isabella glance at it a few
times but she didn’t say anything. She also didn’t say anything about my lack of seatbelt,
but then again she usually never commented on my driving.
We made it to Port Angeles and I turned off of Highway 101, driving to the Port Angeles
Fine Arts Center. While racking my brain trying to decide on what to do, I figured we’d just
go with what I knew she liked. She was a creative person, could draw with the best of them
whether she realized it or not, and thought she’d enjoy an art museum. They had indoor
and outdoor art of all kinds so I figured something in the fucking place had to catch her
attention.
Her brow furrowed in confusion as I helped her out of the car, obviously unsure of what the
place was. I saw her turn to look at the large red artistic sign, squinting slightly as she read
it. “It’s an art gallery,” I said, not knowing if she’d even really understand that from reading
the ‘fine arts center’ sign. She glanced at me, raising her eyebrows with surprise.
“Like an art museum?” she asked. I smiled and nodded.
“Yes, like that,” I said. She smiled, the excitement flaring back up in her features. I knew
immediately I’d made the fucking right choice, that she was going to love this shit.
I took her hand, linking our fingers together and led her to the building. I opened up the
door and let her go in first, slipping in right behind her and keeping a hold of her hand. She
paused when she got inside, glancing around hesitantly. The place was dimmed, only a
subtle glow of light throughout the building, and there were exhibits sitting around
everywhere. She glanced over at me and I gave her a small smile. “Come on, let’s go look at
some artwork, tesoro,” I said. She glanced around once more, not moving.
“Don’t you have to pay?” she asked quietly, whispering. I stared at her for a second,
shocked by her question.
“No,” I said, shaking my head hesitantly. I was caught off guard, not expecting to address
that. “You don’t have to pay to look at the art here.”
Her eyes widened with shock and she glanced around again. I stood there, trying to be
patient and waiting, a little apprehensive about what she was thinking. I felt bad bringing
her somewhere that didn’t cost me a fucking dime, like I was a cheapskate skimping or
something.
“This place is really free?” she asked finally, glancing back at me. I smiled lightly, nodding.
“Yes, tesoro. It’s free. They don’t charge,” I said.
“Why not?” she asked, completely serious. I stared at her for a second, not entirely sure
how the fuck to answer that. I never really thought about the shit before.
“Educational reasons, I guess. Someone funds the place so people can come and enjoy the
art at no cost. More people will take advantage of the opportunity if they don’t have to pay,
so the artwork will be seen and appreciated more. Artists tend to work not for money but
for pleasure, a lot like musicians I guess,” I said, shrugging. I had no fucking idea if I was
correct or not because I knew very little about art, but it sounded like it could be true.
She nodded after a second and smiled, seeming to understand. “Okay,” she said, glancing
around.
“Okay,” I echoed. “Can we look at the art now, or do you wanna discuss money some
more?”
Her eyes widened slightly and she shook her head no quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry
about money,” she said, sounding slightly panicked. My brow furrowed in confusion and I
shook my head.
“No big deal, I was just kidding around,” I said. She smiled lightly.
“Okay, then. We can look at art now,” she said. I smirked, squeezing her hand lightly.
“Good,” I said, pulling her along. We walked around the place, pausing every few feet to
look at things. They had pretty much every type of art possible, carvings and pottery and
sculptures and paintings and drawings, photography and crafts and other creations. It was
interesting, not exactly the usual thing I’d get into but like I said, anything’s enjoyable with
her around. She was beaming the entire time, her face lighting up, her eyes fucking
sparking. She was commenting on the art without hesitation, really opening up and saying
shit I never thought she’d say. She was pretty fucking deep analyzing shit and I just stood
back, listening to her with amazement. We saw this one painting of some blue woman with
a bunch of orange leaves and trees and I looked at it, figuring it was like the seasons or
some shit, like she was blue because it was getting fucking cold, but Bella said she was
dreaming. I stared it for a moment after that, quite stunned because that shit had never
crossed my mind.
“What’s she dreaming about?” I asked, curious as to what the fuck she’d say. She sighed
and stared at it for a moment, shrugging.
“Can’t know for sure. I think she’s lonely and time is passing her by and she’s just drifting
through life, waiting for the moment when something finally sparks her to truly wake up
and live,” she said. My eyes widened with shock and I gaped at her, expecting her to
fucking say ‘she's dreaming about autumn’ or something, but not that.
“I, uh…” I started, turning back to look at the painting, wondering how the fuck she got that
from it. “I think we need to get you a GED so you can go to college. You’re entirely too
fucking smart not to.”
She turned her head to look at me, narrowing her eyes slightly. “Is it appropriate to curse in
an art gallery?” she asked quietly. I turned to look at her, surprised that she’d fucking say
that after I basically just suggested we get her in school, and busted out into laughter at her
expression. I brought my hands up to cover my mouth, trying not to disturb anyone else
nearby and she smiled. “You really think I’m smart enough for school?”
I got my laughter under control and ran my hand through my hair, nodding. “Yeah, I do. I
mean you’ll need to continue to work on your reading and writing skills or whatever, but
there’s no reason you couldn’t do it,” I said, shrugging. She nodded, continuing to smile at
me lovingly. I smiled in response. “You know I could help you, right?”
Her smile grew. “I know you could try to help me. Whether or not you succeed at it is
another matter,” she said playfully. My eyes widened with shock at her snarkiness.
“Feisty,” I said, smirking. “I think I like it.”
She blushed and looked away from me, which caused me to chuckle. It was endearing how
she could go from being playful and feisty to blushing and coy in a matter of seconds. She
was truly an all around woman, an enigma.
We went through the rest of the gallery, chatting casually and holding hands. We headed
out and looked at the outside art in the trees, which she seemed to enjoy just as much. After
we were done we headed out to the car and I glanced at the clock, shocked that we’d been
in the fucking gallery looking at art for two hours. “You know, maybe we’ll see some of your
work here someday,” I said. She looked over at me, raising her eyebrows questioningly.
“You really think I’m that good?” she asked. I nodded.
“Yeah, you are. And it’s natural talent too, imagine how fucking good you could be if you
took some classes,” I said. She smiled brightly and nodded, but otherwise didn’t respond. I
started the car up and pulled away from the gallery, driving through Port Angeles. Isabella
fiddled with the radio and it irritated me a bit but I resisted the urge to tell her to knock it
the fuck off. My patience had gotten a lot better, I still got pissy but I’d gotten better at
containing myself. I didn’t want to go snapping at her when in actuality what she was doing
was fucking good. Just the fact that she was so comfortable that she’d fuck around with my
music, knowing how I can be, was quite stunning and a big indicator of her growth. She
sure as shit wasn’t the shy frightened girl anymore that I’d met in the kitchen that first
morning, begging me not to punish her. This girl was willing to knowingly press my
buttons, not at all afraid of me, but I knew she’d never do it intentionally to get a rise out of
me. That wasn’t her at all. She didn’t have a spiteful bone in her body.
I drove out toward the Inn and Isabella’s eyes widened with shock as it came into view. I
pulled up in front of it and she turned to look at me. “What is this place?” she asked. I
smiled, turning the car off.
“It’s the George Washington Inn,” I said. Her brow furrowed slightly and she stared at the
large white mansion for a moment before turning back to me.
“George Washington, the president?” she asked. I nodded in response. “Wasn’t he dead
before this became a state, though?”
I smiled. “Yes, I’m pretty sure he was,” I said. “Jeopardy?”

She smiled sheepishly. “Yes,” she mumbled. I chuckled and nudged her lightly.
“It’s just named after him, he didn’t really fucking live here or anything,” I said. She
nodded in understanding and I got out of the car, walking over and opening her door to
help her out.
“So why are we here?” she asked.
“We’re staying here tonight, I rented the place,” I said, shrugging. She paused, eyeing me
skeptically.
“The entire place?” she asked hesitantly. I nodded and she sighed. “No wonder you had to
take me to the free art gallery, this must’ve cost you a fortune.”
My eyes widened with shock at her words and I started laughing. She smiled sheepishly,
blushing, obviously surprised by her own behavior. She grabbed my arm , wrapping her
own arms around it and hugging, leaning her head against my shoulder as she gazed out
toward the water. I reached over and rubbed her back, kissing the top of her head. “You
getting hungry?” I asked. She nodded, murmuring a ‘yes’ in response. “Good, come on.
Let’s get you fed.”
We headed inside and I went straight for the kitchen, glad the place was fucking deserted. I
grabbed the blanket off the counter and opened the fridge, grabbing the basket. Isabella
looked at it with surprise and I smirked, motioning for her to follow me. I headed back out
the front door and she followed me out into the meadow. I paused about halfway down,
sitting the basket down on the grass and spreading the blanket down on the ground. I
glanced over at Isabella and saw she was smiling, gazing at me lovingly.
“A picnic?” she asked. I nodded and her smile grew. She walked over and sat down
carefully on the blanket, spreading her legs out in front of her. I sat down beside her and
grabbed the basket, pulling containers out of it and sitting them in front of us. I opened
them up and Isabella glanced between them, reaching in and grabbing a grape
immediately, popping it in her mouth. She smiled when she saw I was looking at her.
I smirked and grabbed the green bottle, popping the top off of it and grabbing the two
plastic cups. Isabella watched me warily as I poured the bubbly liquid into the cups,
handing one out to her. She took it carefully and brought it up to her nose, sniffing.
“Is this alcohol?” she asked suspiciously. I chuckled, shaking my head.
“I’m afraid not, angelo mia. This would be sparkling grape juice. You and me, we’re going
sober tonight,” I said, smirking. She looked at me with surprise before smiling, taking a sip
of her drink.
“Yum,” she said. I chuckled, running a hand through my hair and taking a sip of my drink.
I’d never had it before but Alice suggested it when I told her I wanted to try to steer clear of
alcohol and just have a relaxing evening. I’d gotten her drunk before, even gotten her
high… I wanted it to just be us naturally uninhibited, not needing fucking intoxicants to
bond.
We munched on the food for a while, chatting and laughing, just fucking relaxing. I had
ham wraps, cheese cubes, vegetables and dip, trail mix, and a shitload of fruit. It wasn’t
much but it was what I knew I could pull off. She didn’t complain, she ate happily and
lounged back, kicking her shoes off. We were talking about anything and everything we
could think of. We talked about trivial shit like books and movies and weather before
delving into more serious topics. She told me stories from her childhood, or I guess her
fucked up equivalent of a childhood, telling me all about her mother. In turn I talked about
my mom, even though it was a fucking hard topic, but I found it not that big of a deal after
knowing she’d actually met my mom. I asked Isabella about that, what she remembered of
my mom. She told me about running into her, how my mom played in the dirt with her and
made her a doll to play with. It reminded me of the day Isabella had found one of my
mom’s cornhusk dolls in my room, how she’d looked at it and said she used to have one. It
was quite stunning that it had actually been my mom who made it for her and gave her the
only toy she ever had growing up. It was odd how everything seemed so connected.
It was nice, just being able to talk about our pasts with no fear of being judged or
patronized. She fucking understood me and I understood her, and that was why we meshed
so well. We really were like two peas in a pod, just grown on different ends of the spectrum
and converging together in the middle. We were learning from each other, growing
together as people.
We started throwing grapes at each other after awhile, trying to catch them in our mouths.
It was fucking ridiculous, because she couldn’t catch a single one and her aim was
deplorable and she smacked me straight between the eyes once, but it at least made us
laugh.
After we succeeded on wasting all the fucking grapes, I sat up and grabbed a strawberry. I
scooted closer to her and she smiled as I brought it up to her lips. She took a small bite of
it, the juice running down her chin. I pulled the strawberry away, just tossing it on the
fucking blanket, and leaned in. I licked the sweet juice off and she moaned, her eyes
fluttering closed. I pressed my lips to hers after she swallowed the strawberry and she
brought her hands up to link them in my hair immediately, pulling me closer to her. She lay
back on the blanket and I hovered over her, kissing her deeply.
We made out for a while, just being the normal fucking hormone-fuelled teenagers that we
should be. I was nipping at her neck and she was giggling, running her hands up under my
shirt, rubbing my back. I ran my hand up her thigh and froze abruptly when my hand hit
bare skin, realizing her black tights were actually thigh-highs. I moved my hand again after
a second, gasping into her neck when my fingers ran along what felt very much like a
fucking garter belt. I pulled back, sitting up slightly. I glanced down and pushed her dress
up some, freezing when my eyes indeed spotted the fucking black garter belt.
“Holy shit, Bella! Are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack?” I asked, glancing up at
her. She furrowed her brow, staring at me with confusion and it dawned on me that she’d
have no fucking idea what that shit did to a man like me. She had no idea how fucking sexy
that was, how just knowing it was there made me want to throw her over my shoulder and
haul her ass into the house like a caveman and strip her out of her dress just to fucking
stare at her. “This right here? This is sexy as fuck,” I said, grabbing onto the garter. Her
eyes widened with surprise at the obvious new tidbit of information.
“Really?” she asked. I nodded and she started blushing, which only fucking turned me on
more. The thought of that pure fucking innocent girl, blushing from head to toe wearing a
garter belt was enough to get my dick throbbing. I tried to ignore the shit, glancing around,
looking for a reason to change the subject because if I continued to dwell on it I was bound
to blow a load in my fucking pants.
I glanced over at the picnic basket, smirking. I grabbed it and reached inside, pulling out
the Toblerone bars I bought. I tossed her one and she glanced at it, smiling. “Alice said you
give chocolate to your sweetheart on Valentines Day and there’s no better chocolate than
that of the fucking Toblerone, baby.”
She smiled, opening hers up and pulling off a triangle, popping it in her mouth. “Thank
you,” she said seriously after a second. I smiled, shrugging.
“It’s just a candy bar,” I said. She sighed, shaking her head.
“Not just for that. I mean for all of it. It means more to me than you’ll ever know that you
believe in me. That you believe in us,” she said.
I nodded. “You make it easy,” I said. “Loving you is easy. Comes natural. I’ll never give up
on you, ya know.”
She smiled. “I’ll never give up on you either.”
We ate our Toblerone’s and chatted, watching the sunset. We talked about how beautiful
the place was and she seemed captivated by the sunset and the stars. It was nice, the
atmosphere relaxed. We lay on the blanket for a while, occasionally chatting but mostly just
enjoying the silence. It was one of the things I loved about being with her—she never felt
like she had to fill the silence. We were both content just being.
I was gazing up at the sky when I suddenly felt a big ass drop on my forehead. I closed my
eyes instinctively, reaching my hand up, praying to fucking God I hadn’t just been shit on
by a bird or something. I felt another splat after a second and groaned around the same
time Isabella started laughing.
“It’s raining,” she said. I sighed, sitting up. I knew that goddamn weatherman didn’t know
what the fuck he was talking about.
“Yeah, come on, let’s go inside,” I said, getting to my feet. Isabella nodded and got up,
slipping her shoes back on. We started back toward the Inn, just strolling, the water drops
not really bothering us because they were so scattered. “So, you like my basket?” I asked
after a second, smirking and holding it up to show her. She smiled.
“Yeah, it’s beautiful. It’s a Native American bark basket, right? Looks like an antique one,”
she said. My brow furrowed in confusion.
“Uh, fuck, I don’t know. It’s not a picnic basket?” I asked. She laughed lightly.
“Picnic baskets usually have flaps on the top of them,” she said, shrugging. “It’s a beautiful
basket though. The Swan’s had a few of them, collected them. I got in trouble when I was a
kid for playing with one, but I thought it was beautiful and wanted one.”
I sighed—of course she of all people would fucking be able to differentiate between
goddamn baskets. “You can have this one,” I said, shrugging, as I’d planned to just leave
the motherfucker here or throw it away now that I was done with it. I’d paid a good bit of
money for it, entirely too much for a sane person to ever spend on a fucking basket, so if
she liked it she could definitely keep it. She glanced over at me and smiled, thanking me.
We headed inside and I dropped all the stuff into the kitchen, taking Isabella’s hand and
leading her into the sitting room where the piano was. “Before we go upstairs, I uh… I
kinda want to play something for you,” I said. She looked at me with surprise and I sighed,
my nerves starting to bubble up again. “I mean, only if you want to listen. You don’t have
to, you can tell me no.” She smiled, shaking her head.
“Of course I want to listen,” she said. “Don’t be silly.” I nodded and led her over to the
piano, sitting down on the bench. I almost panicked for a second because I hadn’t tuned the
motherfucker when I was there earlier in the day and was afraid it was going to be off key,
but I pressed a few keys, pleasantly surprised it didn’t need it.
“You remember that song I played for you on Christmas, when Esme interrupted?” I asked.
She nodded. “I finished it. You inspired it, you know. It’s the first thing I’ve written in a
long time.”
She smiled warmly at me and I started playing it for her. I’d been practicing a lot lately, the
piano calling to me again. Isabella sat still beside me, staring down at my fingers as they
floated across the keys, the beautiful melody swirling in the air around us. After I ran
through it twice I stopped, glancing over at her. She was smiling beautifully at me and
leaned over, kissing me sweetly. “That was so beautiful,” she said, her voice thick with
emotion. I smirked, feeling my chest swell with pride.
“It should be, it’s inspired by the most beautiful woman in the world,” I said softly. She
blushed and I chuckled.
“Will you play something else for me?” she asked. I stared at her for a second before
nodding. I’d been working on some new shit, not original but adapting popular songs for
the piano. I contemplated briefly before smiling.
“I’ll play a song that reminds me of us,” I said. She looked at me with surprise.
“Really?” she asked. I nodded.
“Yeah. It’s a real song, I mean like one you hear on the radio or whatever, but I fleshed it
out on the piano because it made me think of our relationship,” I said, shrugging. She
smiled brightly.
“Will you sing it too?” she asked excitedly. I stared at her, unsure of how to respond to her
request. I wasn’t a singer by any means, could probably rupture eardrums and break
sanities with my horrible voice, but she was looking at me with pure hope shining from her
eyes and there was no fucking way I could ever tell her no or deny her anything.
“Okay, but I fucking suck at singing, so this might not be pretty,” I warned. Her smile only
grew and she nodded, continuing to stare at me with excitement. I shook my head, smiling
at her enthusiasm, and turned back to the piano. I hit a few keys, just playing around to get
ready.
I started the first few notes, taking a deep breath. The song was Blue October’s “18th Floor
Balcony” and the first time I ever heard it a few weeks ago it nearly stunned me with how
much it reminded me of Isabella. It almost felt like that shit was written for her and I.
“I close my eyes and I smile, knowing that everything is alright. To the core, so close that
door. Is this happening?” I started, my voice soft. I could feel her eyes on me and it made
me nervous, my fingers wanting to shake but I tried to keep focus. I could tell her all day
long that I loved her, telling her what she meant to me, but this oddly felt even deeper. Like
I was cracking my chest open to her, stepping out of myself completely for her. I was so
fucking vulnerable at that moment, and that simply wasn’t me. But it was now--it was who
I was with her.
“My breath is on your hair. I'm unaware, that you opened the blinds and let the city in.
God, you held my hand, and we stand, just taking in everything,” I continued, my fingers
faltering on the keys briefly because I hadn’t practiced the shit a lot and I wasn’t entirely on
my game. “And I knew it from the start, so my arms are open wide. Your head is on my
stomach and we're trying so hard not to fall asleep. Here we are on this 18th floor
balcony. We're both flying away.”
I took a deep breath, getting to the part that really got to me about her and I. I could feel
the emotion rolling through me and fought it back, not wanting to be a pussy and fucking
cry or something. “So we talked about mom's and dad's, about family pasts, just getting to
know where we came from. Our hearts were on display for all to see. I can't believe this is
happening to me.”
“And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours, that I was so yours for the
taking, I'm still so yours for the taking. That's when I felt the wind pick up, I grabbed the
rail while choking up, these words to say and then you kissed me...”
I glanced over at Isabella briefly, trying to choke back the fucking emotion still, because
that was so her and I. I could’ve written that shit myself, straight from the fucking heart
about how she made me feel, what she meant to me. I froze, my fingers stilling on the keys
when I saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. I reached up immediately, brushing some
of them away. She let out a shaky breath, reaching up and placing her hand on top of mine.
“I love you, Edward Cullen,” she said quietly, the tears making her voice slightly scratchy
from the emotion. I blinked a few times, staring at her.
“And I love you, Isabella Swan,” I said, a bit stunned by her reaction. She continued to gaze
at me, the tears still streaming down her cheeks but there wasn’t any sadness in her
expression. It was pure love on her features, her devotion to me evident.
“Can we go upstairs?” she asked quietly after a moment. I nodded, hesitating before
standing up. I held my hand out to her and she took it carefully, standing up. I led her out
of the room and up the stairs toward the room. I got to the door and opened it, nodding my
head, silently telling her to walk in. She paused right inside the door, freezing, and I
stepped in behind her. The room had a subtle glow to it from the lamp and she could
clearly see all of the roses around, including the pedals scattered on the bed.
I scooted around her, walking over to the table and opening my laptop. I turned it on and
opened I-Tunes to put some mellow music on. It wasn’t the greatest but they didn’t have a
radio in this fucking place so it was the best I could do. I was scanning through the music,
looking for the playlist I’d made earlier, and I felt Isabella brush up against me. I glanced
over at her as she pulled her black sweater coat thing off, draping it over a chair. I smiled as
she reached in front of her and grabbed a rose out of one of the vases. She brought it up to
her nose, inhaling its sweet scent, her eyes fluttering closed. She looked so beautiful
standing there like that, holding the flower, so utterly angelic and pure. She opened her
eyes after a moment and peeked over at me, smiling lightly before turning and walking over
toward the bed. She kicked her shoes off and sat down on it, holding the rose in her hand
and gazing down at it.
I finally found the playlist and put it on, turning it on at a soft level, before turning around
to look at her. She appeared to be deep in thought, her brow furrowed slightly, her bottom
lip between her teeth as she chewed on it. I pulled my jacket off and tossed it onto the table
beside the laptop before walking over toward her slowly. She glanced up at me as I
approached and I could see her eyes welling up with tears again. Her expression nearly
fucking stunned me and my steps faltered at the seriousness and intensity of it. I crouched
down in front of her, unsure of what was wrong.
“You okay, la mia bella ragazza?” I asked softly, reaching up and brushing away a lone tear
that escaped from the corner of her eye. She stared at me for a moment before nodding.
“Perfect,” she whispered, her voice cracking. I smiled softly and felt the emotion rising up
me, my own fucking eyes threatening to mist over because of that word.
“Perfect, indeed,” I said. I stood up and reached over to cup her cheek, leaning down to kiss
her lips. She brought her hands up, running them through my hair, kissing me back
passionately. She moaned softly after a second and I pushed her back onto her back. I
leaned overtop of her with my hands on both sides of her on the bed, kissing her deeply,
tasting the subtle remnants of her strawberry lip-gloss and the natural sweetness that is
utterly Isabella.
I pulled from her mouth after a moment, needing to take a breath, nudging her head to the
side to place a kiss on her neck. She was breathing heavily, her fingers laced firmly in my
locks.
“Edward,” she whispered softly, her voice breathy. I hummed in response, kissing down
her neck toward her collarbones. “Make love to me, Edward.”
I froze the moment the words registered with my ears, a dozen different emotions swirling
through me at once, ranging from shock to fucking elation, with a shitload of fear mixed in.
I pulled from her neck and glanced at her, knowing I had to hear wrong because there’s no
way she just said what the fuck I thought she said. My eyes met hers and I saw the love and
confidence in them, the strength and determination. The moment I saw her eyes I knew I
hadn’t just imagined that shit, she had just said it. She’d really just asked me to make love
to her.
“Bella…” I started, unsure of what to say or how to react, unsure if we could really fucking
do that. I mean, I wanted to, God did I want to. But there was no turning back from that.
Once we jumped off that cliff we were goners, I could feel it and she had to fucking feel that
too.
“Please,” she implored. My brow furrowed and I stared at her, stunned that she felt so
strongly about it that she’d resort to almost begging.
“Are you… sure?” I asked cautiously. She nodded with absolutely no hesitance.
“It feels right,” she whispered. “This… this is right. We’re right.”
I nodded after a second, because I felt it to. All along there had been some little component
missing, and I could never figure out exactly what it was but I got it now. Right here in this
moment it was just her and I, no one and nothing else. We were all that mattered, just the
two of us, two people desperately in love and wanting to show each other. It was none of
that master and slave bullshit, no class divides between us. We never really felt that way
but in the house in Forks it was hard to entirely ignore, as there were reminders
everywhere of the true nature of our situation. But here… it was different here. We were
together and away from it all, away from everything that threatened to tear us apart. There
were no complications, no need to hide or pretend. We could just be us, Edward Cullen and
Isabella Swan, in love and passionate about each other. Fuck the rest of them, the entire
outside world, fuck it all… none of them existed in this moment, all that existed was the two
of us.
I didn’t have to respond, because no words were necessary. She knew exactly how I felt,
because she had my heart. I gazed at her for a moment, just absorbing all of that love and
devotion shining from her, before leaning down and softly kissing her lips. I couldn’t deny I
was fucking frightened, desperately afraid I was going to fuck this up. I needed to do right
by her, I needed to treat her like the treasure she was, worship her completely and I didn’t
know if I could do that. I didn’t know if I could be exactly what she needed, but I was going
to fucking try with everything I had.
I kissed her softly, tenderly, placing my hand on her knee and slowly running it up her
inner thigh. She squirmed a bit under my touch and immediately tried to deepen the kiss as
a whimper escaped her throat, realizing in that moment that I was going to give this to her.
She ran her hands down my back over my shirt, coming up underneath it and caressing the
bare skin once she hit the hemline. She ran her fingertips along my back lightly, sending
tingles through me. My hand hit the center between her thigh, groaning into her mouth
because I could feel the warmth and dampness seeping through the thin fabric of her
panties. I ran my hand back down her thigh slowly, continuing to kiss her, not wanting to
rush this shit. This would only happen once, there could only be one first time, and I
wanted to cherish the fucking moment. She was giving herself to me, turning herself over
to me. She was mine for the taking, just as I was hers for the taking. We were doing this
shit together, once more learning together as we went, because we were both equally
inexperienced when it came to making love.
I pulled back from her mouth after a moment and could hear her panting. I glanced down
at her face in enough time to see her eyes open. She gazed at me and I leaned down, kissing
her softly again. I gave her a small smile as I pulled back away, crouching down beside the
bed in front of her once more. She pulled herself up to a sitting position again to look at
me, watching me curiously. I ran my hand up her leg gently, my fingertips finding the
garter belt. I unclipped it and slowly started unrolling her thigh highs, pulling them off and
sitting them aside. I leaned forward and placed light kisses on her knees, running my hands
down her calves, feeling her silky smooth skin. I ran my hands down along her feet and
glanced down, smirking when I saw the bright red toe nail polish. Her feet were as smooth
as the rest of her skin, the pedicure she’d gotten this morning doing wonders for her. I
never minded her torn up feet but I was glad she could get them pampered and they looked
a hell of a lot better. I got onto my knees and brought her leg up, gazing at her as I placed a
kiss on the top of her foot. I wanted to cherish every inch of her, not leaving any skin
neglected. Her eyes widened with shock as I kissed the other foot.
I put her leg down and ran my hands up her thighs, nudging her dress up to her waist. I
grabbed the bottom of it, slowly starting to pull it up. She was gazing at me intensely and I
was watching for any sign of panic, because I was terrified that she was going to change her
mind and be too afraid to speak up and tell me so. I could only fucking go through with this
if I knew without a doubt that she was okay with it, that this was what she really wanted.
“You can change your mind at any time, amore mio,” I said softly. She continued to stare at
me.
“I won’t,” she said, a slight tremble to her voice. I nodded and pulled her dress up further.
She raised her arms up after a second and I pulled it over her head, tossing it onto the floor
beside me. I glanced at her, seeing the black bra and matching panties with the fucking lace
garter belt. I was in a stupor for a moment, stunned at how fucking mesmerizing she
looked, the contrast between her skin so pale it was almost glowing and the dark
undergarments striking. I remembered thinking that shit the first time I snuck in her room
and saw her lying there in black shorts. How she looked almost like a porcelain doll, so
fragile and vulnerable. I didn’t want to fucking hurt her, never wanted to hurt her and she
looked so fucking breakable. I could never live with myself if I was the one to ever break
her.
She reached over and unbuttoned one of my buttons, her hands shaking from nerves. I
sighed and put my hands overtop of hers, stopping her as she started to unbutton the
second one.
“Relax, okay?” I said softly. “It’s just me and you here, baby. Just Edward and Bella,
remember?” She gazed at me briefly before nodding. I pulled her hands from my shirt,
smiling. “This is all about you, not me. Let me worship you.”
Her lips curved up slightly at my words and she hesitated, but slowly nodded. I smirked
and brought my hands up, reaching behind her and unclasping her bra. I pulled it off and
tossed it on the floor beside me, gazing at her bare chest. I brought one of my hands up and
grazed it across her breasts lightly, her nipples perking up under my touch. A light moaned
escaped her throat and her eyes closed as she started squirming under my touch. I started
massaging her breasts softly and leaned down, placing wet kisses all across her thighs. I
brought my hands down after a moment and grabbed the sides of her panties and garter
belt, tugging them down. She looked at me briefly before shifting her hips slightly to let me
pull them off of her. I tossed them on the floor beside me, letting my eyes roam down her
completely nude body. She fidgeted under my gaze and I smiled, bringing my hand up and
placing it on her chest, running it slowly down the length of her body.
“Lay back, baby,” I said softly. “Sei belissima e ti voglio assagiare.” She lay back on the
bed, grabbing onto the comforter with her hands. I gazed at her for a second before parting
her legs, coming up between her thighs. She as already wet, aroused and ready for me. I
leaned forward and pressed my mouth to her pussy, bringing my tongue out and running it
along the length of her center. She moaned loudly, gripping onto the bed tighter. I did it a
few more times, slowly lapping up hr juices and just tasting her fucking sweetness with the
subtle tanginess, getting her body really worked up because I was really just teasing her at
the moment.
Once she started whimpering and shifting her hips I dove in deeper, placing my lips around
her clit and sucking. She groaned, the noise loud and throaty as she brought her hands out
and found my hair. She gripped onto my locks and I sucked harder on her clit, caressing
every inch of her female flesh with my tongue. I gave her a moment before I brought my
hand up and slowly slid two fingers inside of her, hooking them and pulling out slowly to
find her spot. She moaned loudly and bucked her hips after a second, gripping onto my hair
harder. I started fucking her with my fingers and sucking and nipping at her clit, making
sure to massage her g-spot in the process. She was making noises and squirming, her legs
starting to tremble. I knew it wouldn’t take her long to hit her climax and kept up what I
was doing.
Her thighs started to tense up after a moment, her moans turning into groans as she
started really panting, her clit engorging as I sucked on it. I found her spot inside and
pressed against it, massing it with my fingertips. She cried out loudly and bucked her his as
her body exploded in orgasm, her pussy walls contracting around my fingers, more of her
fluids seeping out onto me. I groaned and rode her through her orgasm, my dick throbbing
hard in my pants, screaming for attention. I was trying to ignore it, because I couldn’t be
thinking with my fucking dick. I couldn’t make any of it about me, it had to be all about her.
It was about pleasing her and showing her my love and devotion, and if I got pleasure in
the process than that was fucking great. But that wasn’t the goal and I couldn’t let it
become the goal with her, ever. I had to always think about her and what she needed.
Her orgasm subsided after a moment and she loosened her grip on my hair, her thighs
trembling, her breathing erratic. I pulled my fingers out and placed a small kiss on her clit,
flicking my tongue out briefly and barely making contact with it, but a shiver ripped
through her and she cried out at the sensation. I put my hands on the bed on each side of
her, pulling myself up to a standing position and gazing down at her. She had her eyes
closed, her face flushed and the blush running down the length of her body. She was taking
deep breaths, obviously trying to get herself under control. I reached up and started
undoing the buttons on my shirt as she peeked her eyes open to gaze at me. She looked so
fucking relaxed and content, her body still quivering slightly. I continued to unbutton my
shirt slowly, shrugging it off and tossing it to the floor with her clothes. I pulled the
wifebeater off and Isabella’s eyes shifted downward to my chest as they usually did when I
had no shirt on. I loved that she was just as transfixed by my body as I was by hers.
I kicked my shoes off, because I still had those motherfuckers on, and leaned down. I
pressed my lips to hers, kissing her deeply. She parted her lips and kissed me furiously,
bringing her arms up and wrapping them around me, pulling me down to her tighter. I
groaned into her mouth and reached down, undoing my belt buckle. I unbuttoned and
unzipped my pants, allowing them to drop to the floor. I kicked them off and pulled back
from the kiss briefly to pull my socks off.
I hesitated, gazing at her. “We can stop…” I started, once again terrified that she really
didn’t want go that far and I was about to do something to her she really didn’t want me to
do. I didn’t want to be the one violating her in any way, even unknowingly. She shook her
head no quickly.
“I don’t want to stop,” she said. I sighed, nodding, admittedly fucking relieved because my
own fear was slowly diminishing and being taken over by intense desire and excitement. I
wanted her, so fucking bad that my entire body ached and my dick was engorged harder
than it’s ever been. My body was fucking desperate and I was desperate to contain it, not
wanting to fuck it up by rushing any of it.
I leaned down to kiss her again, pulling my boxers and down kicking them off, leaving the
both of us completely naked now. I hesitated but pulled back from the kiss, telling her to
scoot up and lay down on the bed properly. She did as I said and I could see the
apprehension in her eyes. She wasn’t afraid or uncomfortable, it was clear she was sure
about this, but she was so far out of her element she couldn’t help but be a little anxious.
She was putting all of her trust in me, trusting that I’d do her right and not hurt her more
than necessary. And I wouldn’t, I never wanted to fucking hurt her, but sex was still
something she was nervous about. I wanted to alleviate that, relax her before we took the
plunge off that cliff together that we couldn’t come back from.
I climbed onto the bed as she lay back with her head on a pillow, and hovered overtop of
her. I leaned in to kiss her lips and she wrapped her arms around me, her fingers finding
their way into my hair once more. I parted her mouth with my tongue, deepening the kiss
as I slowly started running my hand up and down her leg. She started melting under my
touch, and I could feel her body loosening up, her muscles relaxing. She was squirming a
bit and I realized she was naturally getting really worked up, the electricity from my
fingertips sending sparks through her body just as hers did to mine. I started kissing down
her jaw line slowly after a moment, nipping at her neck as I made my way down to her
collarbones. I kissed up toward her ear, flicking my tongue out and running it around her
earlobe briefly. “Ti amo, piccolo tesoro. Ho voglia di fare l'amore. Prometto di
essere delicato,” I whispered, telling her I loved her and wanted to make love to her,
promising to be gentle. She shivered, a gritty moan escaping her throat.
I pulled my mouth from her skin, sitting back and glancing at her. I wanted nothing more
than to sit back and just gaze at her, because she was fucking beautiful and nothing would
look as magnificent as seeing her completely bare body laid out in front of me. But I didn’t
want to overwhelm her or make her nervous, and I was quite sure ogling her would make
her self-conscious and that’s the last thing I needed at the moment.
“I, uh… I don’t have a condom,” I said hesitantly after a second, unsure if that was going to
matter to her. She was on birth control, my father made sure of that shit, so I wasn’t
worried about knocking her up but I just felt like she had a right to know. She gazed at me
questioningly for a moment.
“Should we have one?” she asked softly. I shook my head no hesitantly.
“I mean, we don’t really need one… I don’t think…” I said. “I mean, we’re safe and I’m
clean, I’ve never, uh, had it without one so there aren’t any worries…” I rambled on
nervously, caught off fucking guard by my own nervousness at that moment. She smiled
lightly and brought her hand up, pressing her pointer finger against my lips to shush me.
“I trust you, Edward,” she said softly, dropping her hand. I felt my chest swell at her words,
my heart thumping hard in my chest. I nodded and leaned down, nuzzling into her neck
and kissing softly, licking her skin and tasting her flesh. I pressed my body against hers and
could feel the warmth radiating from her. I kissed down her neck and went for her breasts,
licking and caressing her pebbled nipples, running my hands down her torso. She trembled
under my touch, wrapping her arms around me and running her hands softly up and down
my back.
I kissed and licked every inch of exposed skin I could get my mouth on, running my hands
along her body. I could feel the goose bumps springing up, her eyes closed, her bottom lip
between her teeth as she breathed erratically.
I pulled myself up slightly, my nerves suddenly flaring up again as I reached between us

and grabbed my dick. I gazed at her, about to give her one last chance to back out before I
started and she opened her eyes. She brought her hand up and ran her fingertips along my
cheek, the determination and pure desire burning in her eyes. It was clear she wanted this
shit as much as me, that any amount of nervousness either one of us were feeling had
nothing on our desperation to be together. I wanted to possess her, consume her in every
way imaginable, and at the same time I wanted to turn myself over to her and place myself
at her mercy. Because she’d been correct… this shit was right. We were right. And it just felt
like this moment, right here, was finally time. It was time to give ourselves over to it
completely and let the chips fall where they may.
“I’ll go slow and gentle, okay?” I whispered, leaning down and kissing her softly. She
hummed in response and I saw the nervousness spike, but it still had nothing on the desire.
I stroked myself a few times, my dick throbbing, and pushed her legs open further to
expose her more. I glanced down and lined myself up at her entrance, groaning the
moment I felt the warmth and wetness against the head of my cock. I pushed the head in
slightly, keeping my eyes on her face, watching for panic. After I was lined up to push
myself inside of her I let go of my shaft and stabilized myself with my arms so I didn’t have
my weight on her but pressing our bodies together. I pushed slightly further inside of her
and she wrapped her arms around me tightly, her hands trembling on my back. I felt the
resistance and paused my movements.
“This is going to hurt some, but I’ll be as easy as I can,” I said, nervous about this part. I’d
broken hymens before and it wasn’t a pleasant experience for the girl, much of that shit my
fucking fault and I suddenly felt a shitload of remorse for it, but I pushed that back quickly
not wanting to be thinking about any other girls I’d been with at this moment. Because this
moment was fucking monumental, a turning point in our relationship and I needed to
focus on that. I wasn’t sure what corner we were turning and what this shit would mean for
us later, but I knew enough to recognize how big of a deal this was for us both. “Just hold
onto me baby and it’ll go away quickly, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispered, her voice shaking from her nerves. She clung to me tighter, digging
her fingertips into my back and I took a deep breath. I pushed forward, breaking through
the resistance and she cried out, her body going completely rigid. I stilled my movements
again, resisting the fucking urge to push myself the rest of the way in, and brought my lips
to her neck. I started licking her skin, placing kisses on her flesh.
“Tanto gentile e tanto onesta pare la donna mia, quand'ella altrui saluta, ch'ogne lingua
deven tremando muta, e li occhi no l'ardiscon di guardare. Ella si va, sentendosi laudare,
benignamente d'umiltà vestuta,” I started, knowing she loved it when I spoke Italian and
hoping like hell it would help relax her. I looked up that portion of Dante’s ‘La Vita Nuova’
a few days ago because it was irking me that I couldn’t fucking remember it and knew she
had wanted to hear it. “E par che sia una cosa venuta da cielo in terra a miracol mostrare.
Mostrasi sì piacente a chi la mira, che dà per li occhi una dolcezza al core, che 'ntender no
la può chi non la prova: e par che de la sua labbia si mova un spirito soave pien d'amore,
che va dicendo a l'anima: ‘Sospira!’”
I whispered it into her neck, my voice breathy from anticipation and desire but I was
fighting to control that. I heard a moan escape her throat and her body relaxed some as I
started running my hand up and down her thigh gently, trying to soothe her. Her hands on
my back started moving again and she ran them lightly along my spine, sending a shiver
through me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, pulling from her neck and glancing at her. She opened her eyes to
look at me and nodded, a small sweet smile curving her lips. “Are you okay for me to
continue?” I asked apprehensively, as just sitting there halfway in was fucking torture. She
nodded again and I moved my hips forward slowly, groaning as I pushed myself all the way
in. I paused after I completely penetrated her, sparks flying through my body at the
sensation of being inside of her for the first time. She was so fucking tight, wrapping
around me tighter than I ever imagined, her pussy walls squeezing me. But it was like we fit
together perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle, finally connected like we were meant to be
connected. Nothing had ever felt more right to me than being inside of her, feeling her
warmth and wetness around my dick.
“That was beautiful,” she whispered, her voice cracking. I smiled.
“The poem or the penetration?” I asked immediately, not even thinking before the words
rolled from my lips. Her eyes widened with surprise and she blushed at once. I groaned,
shaking my head and leaning down to give her a soft kiss on the lips. “I shouldn’t have said
that,” I mumbled.
“I meant the poem but the other parts pretty nice too so far,” she said shyly. I looked at her
with surprise and she smiled sheepishly. “And you should’ve said that, because that’s who
you are.”
I sighed. “Yeah well, I’m trying to be tender here, ya know. You deserve to be romanced,” I
said, pushing my body up some and leaning down, caressing one of her nipples with my
tongue. She moaned, her hand finding it’s way to my hair.
“I don’t need romance. I need you,” she said. I glanced up at her and saw her eyes flutter
closed. I paused, considering her words for a moment before pulling out slightly and
pushing back in, filling her back up. She moaned, her fingers stroking my hair gently. I
leaned back down, capturing her lips with mine as I started pushing in and pulling out
slowly, taking my time, fighting the desire to pound the pussy. Fucking was all I ever knew
and this shit was foreign to me, but I couldn’t deny it was pretty fucking nice, nicer than I
ever imagined it would be. Electricity was coursing through my body from where we were
connected, goose bumps popping up all over me as shivers ripped down my spine. It was
fucking intense, and as I slowly started making love to her, I fucking felt it. I finally felt
what it meant. We weren’t just having sex, we were creating something together. I could
feel her love and I hoped like hell she could feel mine. It was beyond anything I ever
imagined, an intensity I’d never experienced before. And it wasn’t just the pussy, although
the pussy was amazing. It was all of her, every inch of her body, inside and out. We were
finally coming together, merging body and soul. I was making love to her entire being and
getting all of her in return.
“Only you,” she whispered, running her hands down my back. “It’ll only ever be you,
Edward.”
I groaned, her words igniting the fire inside of me, stirring up the possessiveness that
demanded we belong together like this. I increased my pace slightly, sliding in and out of
her wetness with firmer movements but still kept myself under control. She moaned each
time I filled her completely and I groaned at the sound, her noises going straight to my
cock and making it throb and swell inside of her.
”All mine,” I panted. “You are so fucking tight baby, you don’t even know. Nothing will ever
be as good as this, nothing could ever feel as good as you do.” She moaned, gripping me
tighter. She was squirming her hips along with my thrusts, our movements falling in sync.
It was just another sign that we were meant to be together, that this shit was meant to be
happening.
We were moving together deliberately, falling into a perfect rhythm. She was moaning, her
hands roaming my skin and running through my hair, and I was groaning in response,
tingles coursing through me. I pressed my body against hers, feeling her skin against mine.
Her body was warm, her skin so fucking soft. My hand started roaming, running down her
thigh as I nudged her open further, filling her deeper. Her noises grew louder, her hands
moving more frantically on me. I took my other hand and grabbed one of her arms, pulling
her hand from my back and linking our fingers together, holding her hand and pressing it
against the mattress. She gripped my hand tightly and started mumbling, her legs
trembling as I slid in and out of her.
“I love you,” she said breathlessly. A noise escaped my throat involuntarily in response,
almost a rumbling growl as the desire swirled through me.
“Ti amo,” I said. “So much. God, I fucking love you so much.” She moaned loudly in
response, thrusting her hips and gripping my hair with her free hand.
“Please don’t ever leave me,” she said. I grunted as the emotion boiled up.
“Never,” I said immediately. “I’ll never leave you. Do you fucking feel this, Bella? We
belong together.”
She groaned. “Sempre,” she panted. I could feel her body quivering and could tell she was
getting close to cumming, her body spiraling out of control as she started squirming more.
I pulled my body up some and reached between us, grazing my fingertips across her clit.
She cried out loudly and I pressed against it firmly, rubbing circles.
“Sempre,’ I repeated. “Forever, Isabella. I’ll fucking die without you. I’ll never survive if you
ever go away from me.”
She tensed up within a matter of seconds, her body going paralyzed as she cried out loudly,
screaming and arching her back as orgasm took control over her. Her pussy clamped down
on my dick, squeezing me tightly almost to the point of hurting. The pleasure surging
through my body was intense, so intense I couldn’t even fucking think straight, couldn’t
focus on anything but the sensations. “Shit,” I hissed. “Fuck, baby. So fucking good.”
I continued to thrust into her, filling her deeply and pulling out almost completely before
doing it again while my fingers firmly rubbed her clit. Her tension released after a moment
and her body relaxed back into the bed. I moved my hand away, knowing she’d be sensitive
and grabbed her other hand, linking our fingers together. I placed our hands above her
head on the bed and put some of my body weight against her. I hitched her knees up
further on the bed, opening her up more, and thrusted my hips firmer. The feel of our skin
sliding together and the slapping wet sound as I filled her was intense, almost to the point
of being agonizing. The music in the background added to it and it took me a moment to
register that it was the Blue October song I’d played for her earlier, the song that was our
fucking song.
My entire body was tingling as I made love to her, the sounds of our movements and her
noises and the song overwhelming me. I felt the tension building as my climax neared, the
emotion spiraling out of control and spilling over. I felt my eyes glassing over with tears
and tried to fight the shit back, squeezing my eyes shut. I held onto her hands tightly,
holding onto her, and nuzzled my face into her neck. I licked at her flesh, tasting the slight
saltiness of sweat and the warmth of her skin, fucking loving every bit of it. I felt the
tension peek and cried out, fucking snarling into her neck as I hit my release. It coursed
through my entire body, almost paralyzing me and I lost control of myself for a moment,
thrusting hard into her. She cried out loudly and her pussy clamped down around me as
she started cumming, her body convulsing with pleasure. I thrusted a few more times,
spilling my seed inside of her and riding her through her orgasm.
Her body relaxed after a moment and I stilled myself, laying down and trying not to put my
weight on her but I was fucking spent. I let go of her hands and she wrapped her arms
around me, holding onto me tightly. We just lay there for a moment quietly, neither of us
speaking, both of us breathing erratically. I shifted my body after a moment, hissing as I
pulled out of her. She whimpered and I lifted up, glancing into her face and freezing as I
spotted the tears streaming from her eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked hesitantly, fucking afraid she was going to tell me I’d hurt her. She
gazed at me for a moment before her lips curved up into a small smile, another tear
streaming down her cheek. I reached down and brushed them away as she nodded.
“Perfect,” she whispered, her voice breaking and barely audible. I smiled at her and leaned
down, placing a chaste kiss upon her lips.
I rolled over onto my back and pulled her to me. I put my arm around her and she laid her
head on my shoulder, snuggling up again me and placing her hand on my chest where my
heart was. We were both quiet again, just lying together, completely naked and legs
entangled, relishing in that fucking post-coital glow. I wanted to ask her if she could feel
my heartbeat but I kept my mouth shut, choosing to just enjoy the silence. We didn’t need
words; nothing really needed to be said because she’d already summed it up with that one
word. ‘Perfect’.
Yeah, I goddamn succeeded. No natural disasters, no asshole moves, no insect invasions,

barely any rain and it’s motherfucking Washington, so that’s telling you something. No car
accidents or fires, no fuck ups period. She even liked my goddamn basket. It was all worth
it, every bit of fucking stress worth it.
I’d even made her cry happy tears and damn near shed some myself, and after a lifetime of
fucking hurt it was about goddamn time we both got that. Because we deserved that shit
after everything we’ve been through in life. And I knew now, more than ever before, that we
were fucking fate. We were supposed to be together. I don’t know what force it was the
drove us together, if my mother had a hand in it or even my father for that matter, but
whatever it was led us to where we were. And it was right. So fucking right.
Laying there, holding her after making love to her and discovering exactly what the fuck
that was, I knew there could never be another. And I knew without a shadow of a doubt
that if anyone ever tried to get between us or take her away from me, I’d fucking kill them.
*****
fuori dai coglioni = Get off my balls

Principe Della Mafia = Prince of the Mafia
la mia bella ragazza = My beautiful girl
Buon San Valentino = Happy Valentines Day
Grazie= thank you
angelo mia = my angel
amore mio = my love
Sei belissima e ti voglio assagiare = You are beautiful & I want to taste you
Ti amo, piccolo tesoro = I love you, little treasure
Ho voglia di fare l'amore = I want to make love
Prometto di essere delicato = I promise to be delicate
Dante’s La Vita Nuova function English *****
So gentle and so pure appears

my lady when she greets others,
that every tongue trembles and is mute,
and their eyes do not dare gaze at her.
She goes by, aware of their praise,
benignly dressed in humility:
and seems as if she were a thing come
from Heaven to Earth to show a miracle.
She shows herself so pleasing to those who gaze,
through the eyes she sends a sweetness to the heart,
that no one can understand who does not know it:
and from her lips there comes
a sweet spirit full of love,
that goes saying to the soul: ‘Sigh.’
Chapter 48 Change is Coming
“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a
happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.” -- William
Somerset Maugham
“Uh… hey?” I said with confusion, staring at the doorway to Edward’s bedroom where Alice
stood. She had a big smile on her face and was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet
with excitement, looking eager about something. Seeing her like that made me anxious,
because she was looking at me in anticipation. It was like she expected me to do something
with her and after the spa trip a few days ago when I’d somehow gotten talked into waxing
my privates, I wasn’t so sure my idea of a good time would ever truly line up with hers.
She didn’t say anything right away, just continued to stare at me beaming, so I glanced
around the room to once again confirm that I was alone. I’d been woken up abruptly out of
a deep sleep a moment ago by the sound of a loud bang, which I assumed had been Alice
knocking on the door, and I was still slightly disoriented from drowsiness. Edward was
gone when I awoke, his side of the bed empty and cold, so I ventured to guess he’d been out
of the bed for a while. I glanced over at the desk and saw most of his necessities were
missing, except for his watch which was still laying there, and that confused me. At first I
wondered if I’d slept in because his keys and wallet were gone so it was clear he’d actually
left, but it didn’t make sense for Edward to have left for school if Alice was standing in front
of me, since they went to school together. I glanced at the clock, trying to make sense of
things and saw it was around the time Edward and I usually got up in the morning.
“Do you need something?” I asked after a second, turning back to Alice. She nodded.
“I need you to get dressed so we can get going,” she said. My brow furrowed in confusion.
“Where are we going?” I asked hesitantly.
“We’re spending the day together,” she said excitedly. “We’re going to go get breakfast and
then go shopping. We also have appointments later today at the day spa…”
The moment the word rolled from her lips I tensed up slightly, my eyes going wide. “Spa?!”
I said immediately, panicked about the idea of having to go back to that place. She paused
and stared at me.
“It’s a hand and foot spa, manicures and pedicure. We’re just going to get our nails done
and feet pampered,” she said. I eyed her suspiciously.
“Really?” I asked. She smiled and nodded.
“Yes, really! I swear, the clothes will stay on,” she said. “Plus, it was Edward’s idea anyway,
so you can’t blame me this time.”
“Really?” I asked curiously, wondering why in the world Edward would suggest I go to the
day spa. I glanced down at my hands, seeing the stumpy chewed up fingernails, and sighed.
I knew my feet weren’t that great either but he had to expect they’d be in bad condition
with all of the work I’d been forced to do. I immediately wondered if they bothered him and
he was just too polite to say anything about it. Edward in general wasn’t one to hold his
tongue when he had an opinion, but I also knew he’d never want to say something he knew
might hurt my feelings.
“Yes, really,” Alice said again, confirming it indeed had been Edward’s idea. I sighed and
nodded, glancing back over at her.
“Okay. But don’t you have school, though?” I asked. She smiled and shrugged.
“I’m taking the day off. Much more important things to do today than sit in a classroom,”
she said.
“Okay, then.” I smiled lightly at her, surprised that she’d think spending the day with my
upon Edward’s request would be more important than school. “I guess I’ll just get dressed.”
She nodded. “Great! I’ll meet you down in the kitchen in a few minutes.” She turned and
scampered down the hallway excitedly, I assume grateful that I was going to go along with
what they had planned for me. I sat there for a moment staring at the now vacant doorway
before glancing down at my hands again. I brought my bottom lip into my mouth and
chewed on it nervously. Did those things really bother Edward?
I finally pulled the comforter off of me after a moment and climbed out of bed, not wanting
Alice to have to return to drag me out if I took too long, and headed across the hallway to
my room. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, dressing quickly. I went through
my morning ritual as fast as I could manage it and put on my Nike’s that Edward loved so
much, before grabbing my jacket and stepping out. I headed downstairs, yawning as my
head still felt somewhat foggy from sleep, and paused when I hit the foyer. I glanced over
toward the kitchen with surprise when I saw four sets of eyes on me.
“Good morning Jasper, Emmett… uh, Rosalie,” I said, nodding at them in greeting, unsure
of why they were all hanging out in the kitchen with Alice at this hour. Emmett grinned
widely.
“Morning, Izzy Bizzy!” he bellowed. I smiled in response. Jasper and Rose echoed the
greeting, albeit with less eagerness than Emmett. Alice pulled on Jaspers arm and he
leaned down, giving her a quick kiss. It was sweet, seeing the two of them together and so
clearly in love. I knew exactly how they felt now, how much warmth and happiness and
comfort they provided one another. Alice turned to me after Jasper pulled away.
“Yay, let’s get going!” she said, walking over and grabbing my arm. I was quite stunned at
how much strength she had as she started pulling me through the foyer to the front door. I
laughed and yelled goodbye to the rest of them, following Alice outside.
We climbed into her little yellow car, which I liked because it had the same cheerfulness
and brightness about it that also shined through Alice, and she drove through Forks to a
small diner. We got out and went inside, sitting in a booth in the back corner. A lady came
by and dropped some menus in front of us, nonchalantly asking what we’d like to drink. I
tentatively asked for some orange juice and she nodded in response. Alice ordered the
same and after the lady went away I picked up the menu, glancing through it. Alice started
chatting animatedly and I smiled and nodded as I skimmed through the menu, reading it
the best I could. I sat it down after a bit, deciding on a cheese and mushroom omelet with
hashbrowns and toast. The lady returned after awhile and we ordered, our food coming out
quickly. We ate and talked, which really equated to Alice yammering and me listening, but
I didn’t mind it that much. I enjoyed listening, grateful that someone at least was interested
in me enough to want to have a conversation with me. Alice made me feel like I had a real
friend away from everything else, and that I could talk to her openly without fear of being
ostracized or taunted. She was an understanding and compassionate person, which made it
clear to me that despite her and Jaspers vast differences in looks and mannerisms they very
much fit together. It was like Edward and I in a sense. On the surface we were opposites in
every way, but deep down inside we shared common ground.
After Alice finished eating her pancakes she stood up, telling me she needed to use the
ladies room. I nodded and told her to go ahead, suddenly feeling a bit nervous as I watched
her walk away and disappear out of sight. I glanced around, the fact that I was completely
alone in public around strangers a bit daunting. I was in a packed room with dozens of
people all around me and I knew not a single one. Or so I thought, anyway.
“What’s a beauty like you doing eating alone?” a voice asked quietly from behind me. My
brow furrowed in confusion at the familiarity of it and I turned my head slowly, surprised
to see Jacob Black. He grinned at me and I gave him a small polite smile, a little leery of his
presence.
“Uh, I’m with Alice. She just went… somewhere,” I mumbled. He nodded, still smiling.
“Cool, I haven’t seen the little pixie in a while,” he said. “It’s nice to see you again, Isabella.”
I nodded. “You also, Jacob.” His smile grew.
“So, I have a question for you, and it’s completely serious,” he said. I looked at him
apprehensively, unsure of what he wanted to know. He paused and stared at me intensely.
“Tell me, Isabella. What do you call a vampire's sweetheart?” My brow furrowed in
confusion at his question and he started laughing, shaking his head. I laughed lightly,
realizing it was another joke. He took a few steps over and slid into the booth across from
me where Alice had been sitting. I raised my eyebrows at him, a little surprised he’d take it
upon himself to sit down with me without an invitation to do so. He either didn’t notice my
expression or care, because he relaxed back against the booth and gazed at me expectantly,
obviously awaiting my answer. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small pink
box, opening the top of it and dumping some of the contents into his hand. I glanced at it
and saw it was little different collared hearts, candy I assumed.
“A vampire’s sweetheart? I, uh… I don’t know,” I said nervously. He smirked and popped a
piece of candy in his mouth, chewing it up.
“A ghoul-friend. Get it? Like girlfriend but with a ghoul?” he said. I just stared at him, not
really getting what was so funny about it, and he shook his head. “Okay, then. Maybe you
aren’t a vampire kinda girl. Let’s see…”
He paused and glanced down at the candy in his hand, eating another piece. He appeared
to truly be deep in thought about it, his eyes narrowed slightly and his forehead wrinkled
like he was concentrating. He smirked after a second, peeking over at me with a
mischievous glint in his eyes. “What did the light bulb say to the switch?” he asked. I stared
at him for a moment, considering the answer but coming up blank.
“I’m not sure,” I said hesitantly. He eyed me for a moment curiously before leaning over
the table toward me.
“You turn me on,” he said quietly. His smirk grew and he glanced away from me briefly,
popping a piece of candy in his mouth as he leaned back against the back of the booth. My
eyes widened with surprise and I gaped at him, stunned by the joke. I could feel the blush
taking over my face and wasn’t sure how I felt about him saying that, whether to laugh
because it was a bit funny or be disgusted by the obvious undertones. We barely knew each
other so I didn’t think he should be saying such crude things to me. It was clear, though,
exactly why him and Edward had been friends previously, as they seemed to have the same
brand of humor. He was looking at me, awaiting my reaction but thankfully I didn’t have to
really contemplate on a response, because within a matter of seconds Alice reappeared.
“Jacob Black, what in the world are you doing here?” she asked, smiling and sliding into
the booth beside him. He glanced over at her and smiled, shrugging.
“Here as in your table, or Forks period?” he asked.
“Both,” she said. He rolled his eyes, nudging her playfully with his elbow.
“You always were too damn nosey for your own good. I was at your table because I spotted
Isabella looking a bit uncomfortable sitting alone and figured she could use some
conversation to brighten her morning. And I’m in Forks because my father’s forcing me to
spend some time with the police chief as punishment,” he said.
“Shouldn’t you be in school, though?” Alice asked. Jacob shrugged, grinning.
“I got suspended for three days. Got into a fight, no biggie. But looks who’s talking,
shouldn’t you be in school?” he asked, looking at her questioningly. She smiled, shrugging.
“I took the day off. Isabella and I are going to spend it together getting pretty for our
sweethearts,” she said, grinning enthusiastically. I smiled, the idea of looking nice for
Edward making me feel happy and proud. Jacob glanced over at me with surprise.
“Oh yeah? Who’s your sweetheart?” he asked curiously. I just stared at him, unsure of
whether I should answer that or not, and Alice cleared her throat. We both glanced over at
her and she smiled at me before turning to look at Jacob.
“And you call me nosey?” she said playfully. He smiled, laughing lightly. “And if you insist
on knowing, her sweetheart is Edward.”
I watched him curiously as his smile fell almost immediately. “Cullen?!” he said, a bit of
disbelief in his voice. Alice nodded.
“Yes, Cullen. What other Edward is there? And don’t be so shocked, because he’s not the
same person you knew. He’s changed a lot,” Alice said. Jacob laughed bitterly, shaking his
head.
“Cullen will never change. He might pull the wool over your eyes but I’m not charmed into
submission by his antics like everyone else seems to be. He’ll always be an asshole and hurt
people. The moment you put your trust in him, he’ll crush you,” he said, sounding rather
upset and glancing over at me. I stared at him, not entirely surprised by his viewpoint
considering what Edward did to him but I was a bit stunned at the intensity of which he
spoke the words. He stared at me for a second and Alice sighed.
“Like I said, you don’t know him anymore, Jacob,” she said, reaching over and patting
Jacobs cheek lightly. He rolled his eyes and pulled his head away from her.
“Whatever,” he muttered. “You always thought too highly of him any damn way Alice,
refusing to believe he could actually be the dickhead he comes off as. But he is, and I know
it because he proved it to me by turning on me. Everyone in this ridiculous town still seems
to think the sun rises and sets in Edward Cullen, that he can do no wrong. It’s fucking
bizarre.” He started fiddling around with his candy some more, eating a few pieces quietly.
Alice kept peeking over at him peculiarly. “Anyway, this has been nice and all, but I gotta
get to the police station before my father has my ass for being late.”
Alice smiled sadly and scooted out of the booth to let him out. He stood up and paused,
looking at me curiously. He glanced down in his hand and took one of the candy hearts he
had been eating, sitting it down on the table in front of me. “Maybe I was wrong, Isabella.
Maybe you are a vampire girl after all… because Cullen? He’ll suck the life right out of you.”
He mumbled a quick goodbye to Alice and I stared at him as he walked away quickly,
shoving the door open roughly and leaving the restaurant. His words had been oddly
reminiscent of something Edward had said about Jacob the night of his homecoming
dance, how Jacob destroyed everything he touched. It was clear they both held strong
grudges, such hostility that I wondered if either would ever truly get over what happened. I
glanced down at the table at the orange candy heart Jacob had sat in front of me, noticing it
had something written on it. I picked it up and gazed at it, reading the words “Talk 2 Me”. I
stared at it for a moment longer, wondering what he meant by it if anything at all, before
sitting it down on my plate.
I glanced over at Alice and saw she was eyeing me warily. I smiled softly and she shook her
head. “I meant it, you know. He’s different now, Jacob doesn’t know him anymore,” she
said. I nodded.
“I know, Alice. Don’t worry. I won’t let anyone else’s opinion of Edward change mine. I
trust him,” I said, shrugging. She smiled.
“Good,” she said, glancing around. “And uh, you may not want to bring this up to Edward,
because he won’t be very happy about it, you know? I know you shouldn’t keep secrets but
this would only succeed in upsetting Edward if he found out. No good would come from it
and it’s not that big of a deal. Understand?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I get it,” I said. I knew for a fact me telling Edward that Jacob had sat with
me and pretty much bashed him would just send Edward into a rage, and I had no plans of
doing so. I was already keeping secrets from him out of obligation of his father, trying to
keep him safe, so something as trivial as running into Jacob Black shouldn’t matter.
“You ready to get going?” I nodded and Alice paid for our breakfast, which made me feel
bad that she had to spend her money on me. It wasn’t as if I had access to any money to
contribute and she knew that, but I brought it up anyway. She laughed lightly and waved
me off, telling me Edward had given her a bunch of cash a few days ago specifically for
today so it wasn’t money out of her pocket. We headed out to her car and she started for the
main road, driving out of Forks. She told me we were going to the town of Port Angeles, as
that was apparently where the spa was. She chatted the entire drive and I listened
contently, occasionally getting a word or two in so she’d know I was actually paying
attention. She spoke mostly about the Cullen boys, telling me some stories about them
from over the years and I laughed a few times at their amusing behavior. She also told me a
few less than pleasant stories about Edward that I could tell she was hesitant to share with
me. None of them were necessarily bad, just a bit depressing about how sad and broken
he’d obviously been.
The manicures and pedicures themselves weren’t as uncomfortable as I expected them to

be. The people who worked there knew Alice by name so I ventured to guess she got it done
often, which relieved me a bit. Just because Edward had suggested I do it didn’t necessarily
mean anything bad, as if Alice did it often it was likely just another one of those things girls
did. I appreciated that he was trying to give me experiences other girls got, even if they
weren’t exactly things I found myself interested in. The woman who did my fingernails and
feet was nice, didn’t make any comments at all on either’s condition or even appear freaked
out by it. She dealt with this all day long so I ventured to guess she had to have come across
another pair of torn up feet like mine before, so it was nothing new to her. She worked on
my hands and smoothed my nails out, putting some clear polish on them so they shined.
She started working on my feet after that, soaking them in warm water and scouring them
with what looked like some kind of stone. It made no sense to me but I didn’t question her
on it, figuring she knew what she was doing. I barely felt it but Alice started giggling when
one of the ladies did hers so I figured it at least didn’t hurt, despite the fact that it looked
like it should.
She rubbed some lotion on my feet and stuck something between my toes, asking me what
color I wanted. I just stared at her for a moment, unsure of what she was talking about as I
really had no idea what she was doing.
“Jasper loves when I get my toenails painted,” Alice said. I glanced over at her and saw she
was looking at me. I nodded at first, figuring she was just spouting off more random tidbits
about her boyfriend, but she raised her eyebrows at me and it struck me what she’d said.
“Oh. Yeah,” I mumbled, turning back to the lady who was still staring at me and waiting for
me to pick a color. “Um, red I guess?”
She smiled and nodded, getting up and walking away. I thanked Alice softly for the subtle
hint so I wasn’t singled out for my ignorance of the situation and the lady returned,
painting my toenails a bright red color. She set a little fan up and walked off when she was
done, telling me to let them dry. I stared at my toes for a while after she left, quite
fascinated at the color on them because I’d never worn nail polish before.
Alice paid when we were both done and we headed out toward the car. She drove across
town to some store and I followed her inside hesitantly, noticing it was a pretty fancy
clothing store. She turned to look at me and told me to go pick out a dress, forbidding me
from reading any price tags. I looked at her with confusion and she explained it was also
another one of Edward’s ideas, that she was supposed to take me shopping for a nice dress.
I nodded hesitantly and glanced around the store, chewing on my bottom lip nervously. I
saw a bunch of ones that looked pretty to me but I had no idea what was really considered
fashionable. I turned to Alice and asked her if she’d just grab something for me but she said
Edward insisted the dress be something I personally picked.
I found a white layered one with black straps and held it up eventually, looking at Alice
cautiously. I thought it was really beautiful but was afraid of Alice grimacing at it. She
didn’t thankfully, instead smiling and nodding, taking it from me. She walked around the
store and grabbed a few extra things, saying Edward had only specified I pick out the dress
so she had her loophole to shop for the rest of it.
She paid and we left, heading back toward Forks. I expected Alice to take me back to the
Cullen house but instead she pulled down a side road in town. My brow furrowed in
confusion as she pulled up in front of a modest looking two-story brick house, wondering
what we were doing. She saw my expression and explained that it was where she lived; that
we were going to get ready there, once again proclaiming it was Edward’s idea. I agreed
skeptically and followed Alice inside, surprised at how homely the place was. With Alice’s
bubbly attitude and brightness I half expected the inside to be artistic and uniquely
decorated with bright colors, so the tans and whites and utter plainness caught me off
guard.
We went to Alice’s room and I smiled when I walked inside, realizing I had her figured out
quite well after all. It was brightly decorated with neon colors, mostly pink and green, and
she had artwork all around. My eyes fell upon the ballet picture I’d gotten her for
Christmas, which was hung on the wall beside her bed, and I immediately felt a swell of
pride that she really did like it.
Alice handed me some undergarments and a robe, telling me to go into her bathroom and
wash up. I obliged, feeling a bit weird using her shower. I climbed out and dried off when I
was done, slipping the black panties and matching bra on. I put the robe on and walked
back into Alice’s room, noticing she had changed into a red dress. She motioned for me to
sit down in front of a large mirror and she started working on my hair immediately, blow
drying it and curling it.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked after a while, gazing at myself in the mirror. She
glanced at me in it and nodded when I caught her eye. “Why’d we do this today?”
She gazed at me for a second, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Because it’s what you do
on Valentine’s Day,” she said, shrugging. I stared at her with confusion.
“Valentines Day?” I asked, unsure of exactly what that was. She gaped at me, looking
stunned.
“You’ve never heard of Valentines Day?” she asked quietly. I shook my head hesitantly,
telling her if I had I surely couldn’t recall it. She sighed. “It’s the lovers holiday, where
people show their love for one another.”
I was slightly surprised by her words, having no idea that such a holiday even existed. “And
that’s why Edward wanted me to do this today?” I asked. She smiled and nodded.
“He’s really trying to make your first Valentine’s Day memorable,” she said. “He’s never
celebrated the holiday before either.” I smiled.
“That’s sweet of him,” I said, grateful that he was trying to do something nice for me to
show me he loved me, especially if he was out of his element doing so “Does Jasper do stuff
for you?”
She nodded. “Of course. Jasper’s the romantic type. He’ll likely take me for dinner and
dancing because he knows I like that type of stuff, and shower me with jewelry because I
love jewelry. After that, well… then we’ll probably have sex all night long.” My eyes widened
in shock and she laughed. “Was that too much information?”
I smiled sheepishly and shook my head. “No, just caught me off guard for a moment. I
mean, I live with the Cullen boys. They aren’t really shy about the subject so I hear about
it,” I said. She rolled her eyes and started running her fingers through my hair, loosening
up the curls she’d made.
“I wouldn’t exactly put stock in their sex talk, you know. They’re boys, they like to
exaggerate and make people think it’s all about the ‘fun sex’,” she said, rolling her eyes at
the last two words and using her fingers to make quotes and emphasize them. “I guess it’s
not manly to admit they make love to their girls,” she said, shaking her head.
I gazed at her reflection curiously. “There’s a difference?” I asked, figuring all consensual
sex was the same. She looked at me with surprise.
“Of course there’s a difference. You can have sex with anyone and enjoy it, but you have to
truly love the person to be able to make love to them. Sex is just physical pleasure, but
making love is physical and emotional. I’m not totally opposed to quickies and playing
around, ya know, the fun stuff is nice. But nothing beats making love,” she said, shrugging.
“I can’t believe Edward’s never explained that to you.”
“I mean, he told me that consensual sex wasn’t the same kind of sex as when it’s forced,” I
said. “And he said that it wasn’t just about, uh… the guy sticking his thing inside… but it
was about worshiping or cherishing or something.” I couldn’t recall the exact words he’d
used to describe it but it was something along those lines.
Alice smiled. “Yeah, it is,” she said. “Jasper was my first, you know.”
“Really?” I asked. She nodded.
“Yeah. I never wanted anyone else but Jasper,” she said. “He’s the only one I’ll ever want.
He really cherishes me.”
I smiled and she finished fiddling with my hair, grabbing a bag. She pulled out some
stockings that went up to my thighs and a lacy belt thing that she called a garter, with little
clips on it that attacked to the stockings to hold them up. I put it on and she helped me
situate it before sprucing up her own hair. I sat down gingerly on her bed, watching her for
a moment.
“Can I ask you something, Alice?” I asked. She glanced at me through the mirror and
nodded. “How did you know when you were ready to, uh, do it with Jasper?” I asked.
She seemed surprised by my question. “Um, I guess I kinda just knew. It wasn’t like it was
something planned or anything, there just came a moment when I looked at Jasper and it
all just fell into place. I knew at that moment that I wanted him to make love to me, that it
was right. I know, it sounds kind of like a cop out answer, but it’s true. You should never
rush into anything, when it’s right you’ll just know it.”
I nodded and thanked her softly, her words making a bit of sense considering lately
something had just felt off for some reason. She said I was welcome, telling me that I could
ask her anything I wanted, that I didn’t have to be shy talking to her about those things
because we all needed female friends to go to about boys. Alice finished getting herself
ready and proceeded to put a bit make up on me, doing some last minute finishing touches
to my outfit. She glanced at the clock after awhile, indicating it was time to drive me back to
the Cullen’s house because Edward would be home waiting to see me.
We arrived at the house and Alice wished me good evening when I got out of the car. I
thanked her for spending the day with me, as I’d actually quite enjoyed the time we spent
together. She told me anytime I wanted to hang out just to call her and she’d be there,
before driving away. I headed toward the front door, a bit nervous because Edward’s car
was sitting in the driveway so he was definitely home. I opened the front door and glanced
into the foyer, freezing in spot when my eyes fell upon Edward.
He was standing frozen in spot, dressed up slightly and looking as handsome as ever. I
gazed at him, unable to make out what he was feeling because his expression was blank. I
had no idea what he thought of how I looked and I was quite nervous because I’d never
worn a dress before. I never had a reason to wear one and I thought it was pretty, and Alice
had said I looked gorgeous, but what really mattered to me was what Edward thought of it.
It was ridiculous but I wanted to impress him almost, make him proud to be with me. Some
of those girls he’d been with in the past were dramatic and I usually felt so plain in
comparison, despite his insistence that I was beautiful. I didn’t want to disappoint him
considering he’d been so sweet as to want me to be able to dress up for Valentine’s Day.
I couldn’t figure out why he was just standing there looking at me, his penetrating gaze
making me even more nervous as the seconds ticked by. But after a moment he smiled his
charming grin, making my own lips turn up involuntarily. I walked the rest of the way
inside, relaxing a bit that he seemed pleased at least. He walked over to me and rattled off
some Italian, the accenting of the words sending my heart pounding, and held the red rose
that he’d been holding out to me. I took it carefully, nearly overwhelmed as no one had ever
given me a flower before. It was so simple but meant so much to me.
He wished me a Happy Valentines Day and told me we had plans for the night, which sort
of surprised me as I’d figured the dress and stuff was my surprise. A couple kisses and a
few minutes later we set off, heading out on the road that I knew by then led to Port
Angeles. He pulled up in front of a building which he explained to me was an art gallery. I
was slightly surprised that Edward would want to go to an art gallery, even more shocked
when he told me it was free. That just didn’t strike me as something Edward would be
interested in, but I had to wonder if he only chose it because he thought I’d like it. That he
was doing it simply for me. Regardless, it was amazing and I enjoyed every second of it, the
relaxed atmosphere loosening up what was left of my nervousness about the evening.
He mentioned about me going to school, which shocked me because it never really crossed
my mind that school was truly ever an option for me. He then went into how great my art
was, how I could someday have my own creations displayed in a gallery. The concept of
that stunned me, that I could truly be that talented at something.
After we left the art gallery he drove across town to a large white mansion in the middle of a
meadow, completely isolated from everything. He informed me that he’d rented the entire
place for the night, shocking me even more at the gesture. I couldn’t even begin to imagine
how much that would cost but knew better than to ask, remembering how he’d seemed
almost uncomfortable about me inquiring about money at the gallery.
Edward had planned an outdoor picnic for me and we set up out on the meadow. We
munched on the food and played around a bit, just spending time together. We talked
about everything imaginable, both of us opening up a bit more about our parents and the
things we’d been through. It was nice, the two of us being together on what felt almost like
neutral ground. It felt like we were truly equals, just two teenagers in love and wanting to
be together. It was so startling, feeling almost normal and so much like a regular girl.
Edward had done that for me, had given that to me. He made me forget the outside world
and all of the complications, everything that tried to tear us apart and potentially still
could. He believed in me and was obviously very willing to give it his all and fight for what
it was we had, and that meant more to me than he’d ever understand.
Edward was the first person to ever truly fight for me as a person. I’ve had people be
possessive over me as property, like Dr. Cullen seemed to be, but no one that truly would
fight for me because of what was inside of me. He fought for who I was and not what I was,
and that may be a small distinction in the eyes of most but it was immense to me. My own
mother was never even able to truly fight for me. He’d hoped and dreamed, wished and
prayed for me, but the one thing she couldn’t do was fight. She was as helpless as me.
But Edward wasn’t helpless, and he was prepared to fight. Lying on that blanket with him,
staring up at the stars, I could feel how much he was devoted to our relationship. I knew he
was just as out of his element with it as I was, but he was putting forth effort when he truly
didn’t have to. But he wanted to and the fact that he’d go to such extremes to make me feel
special made the love I felt for him grow immeasurably.
It started raining after a while and we headed inside. Edward pointed out the basket he
had, the pride evident in his voice about it. I immediately wondered if he’d bought it
himself and guessed he likely did, if he’d go so far as to mention it. I wondered how much
trouble that had been for him with how finicky he was. He told me I could have the basket
when I mentioned I always liked them and it was such a small gesture, but it meant a lot to
me that he’d so gladly and eagerly give me something he knew would make me happy.
We made it inside before it really started raining and Edward said he had something he
wanted to play for me. I could sense his nervousness as we sat down and it surprised me, as
he usually seemed so confident. I’d heard him play before, so I knew he was immensely
talented and had no reason to worry. He said it was the song he’d played over Christmas,
the one I inspired, and I was so overwhelmed by love as I sat listening to it. It was stunning
that I’d been the inspiration for such a song and when I told him it was beautiful he said it
was that way because I was beautiful. Just hearing those words sent my heart fluttering and
I asked him if he could play something else for me. He hesitated, like he was debating
whether or not to do so, but after a moment declared he’d play a song that reminded him of
our relationship.
“I close my eyes and I smile, knowing that everything is alright. To the core, so close that
door. Is this happening?” he started singing, his voice soft. He said he sucked at singing but
it was clear to me he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, as his voice was
beautiful.
“My breath is on your hair. I'm unaware, that you opened the blinds and let the city in.
God, you held my hand, and we stand, just taking in everything.” I stared at him intently,
surprised by how sweet the song was. I’d never heard it before and I smiled at the fact that
it would make Edward think of us.
“And I knew it from the start, so my arms are open wide. Your head is on my stomach and
we're trying so hard not to fall asleep. Here we are on this 18th floor balcony. We're both
flying away.”
Just watching his fingers float across the keys, the beautiful melody ringing out and mixing
with the sweet lyrics sent my heart pounding, goose bumps popping up along my skin.
“So we talked about mom's and dad's, about family pasts, just getting to know where we
came from. Our hearts were on display for all to see. I can't believe this is happening to
me.”
I felt the emotion boiling inside of me, those words hitting me hard and my eyes welling up
with tears. That was definitely us, the two of us opening ourselves up when we both found
it so extremely difficult. We both had such mangled pasts, had both been hurt
tremendously but we connected from that and understood each other. We were so
vulnerable despite our strong exteriors and we were taking a big gamble letting each other
in, allowing ourselves to be consumed by the love. But it was right, it just felt so right…
“And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours, that I was so yours for the taking,
I'm still so yours for the taking. That's when I felt the wind pick up, I grabbed the rail while
choking up, these words to say and then you kissed me...”
As the words rolled from his lips it struck me. It was right. I felt it and I finally understood
exactly what Alice had been saying earlier about how when the time was right I’d just know
it. Because at that moment I felt it, and as he said it I knew without a shadow of a doubt
that it was right. I was his for the taking, and I wanted him to have me--all of me.
He glanced over at me and froze, the playing ceasing. He reached up immediately, his
fingertips brushing across my cheek. I let out a shaky breath and realized that I was crying,
reaching my hand up to touch his on my face.
“I love you, Edward Cullen,” I said quietly, feeling the love in that moment more intense
than ever before. He stared at me briefly before telling me that he loved me too, absolutely
no hesitation or wavering to his words. I asked him if we could go upstairs and he agreed,
standing up and leading me up the stairs. He opened one of the doors and I stepped inside,
freezing when I saw the subtle glow of yellow light and roses everywhere, even on the bed.
It was stunning, so romantic and beautiful, and only added to that feeling inside of me that
screamed that it was the moment I’d been waiting on.
I grabbed one of the roses from the vase and went and sat on the edge of the bed while
Edward put some music on. The emotions surging through me were intense and I tried to
fight back the tears that were stirring up but it was useless. I wasn’t sure how to go about it,
how to bring it up or if he’d even be comfortable with it, if he’d even want to because a
mere few days ago he’d said himself that the time wasn’t right. I was worried he’d still feel
that way, but then again a mere few short days ago I’d also felt like the time wasn’t right.
But now, in this moment, it simply was.
Edward walked over and crouched down in front of me, asking me if was okay. I nodded
because I was a lot better than just okay. I was perfect. I told him that and he agreed,
standing back up and pressing his lips to mine. I lay back on the bed and he leaned down
over me, kissing me passionately. I could feel my desire rising up, taking control of my
body as the electricity shot through me from all directions. I ran my hands through his hair
and he pulled from my lips, his mouth going to my neck. I was nervous but my longing for
him in that moment overrode any anxiety I felt, and I stammered the words out, asking
him to make love to me. Because that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to make
love to me, all of me, not just my body. I wanted to connect with him in every way
imaginable, feel every inch of his body and soul and spirit. He froze and glanced up at me,
and I could see the surprise and hesitance in his eyes. He seemed to stall for a moment, as
I’d obviously caught him off guard, but I said ‘please’ quickly before his hesitance turned
into him denying me. I needed him to know that it was what I really wanted, as I’d never
wanted something before quite like I wanted him at that moment.
He asked me if I was sure and I nodded, telling him how I felt. That it was right, and that
we were right. I wasn’t sure if he’d understand but it was really the only way I could
describe it at the moment. He nodded and stared at me intensely, so much love and
compassion in his expression. He leaned down and kissed me softly and I knew in that
moment that he did understand. That he also felt what I felt in the moment.
He kissed me and touched me for a bit before pulling away and crouching down in front of
me. He started pulling my clothes off, placing kisses on my skin as he exposed my body. He
told me I could change my mind before he pulled my dress off, and I knew I could and he’d
back off with no questions asked, but I also knew I wouldn’t. Because there would never be
a more perfect moment than the one we were in.
My desire and devotion did nothing to squelch my nerves though, as I had no idea what I
was doing or really what to expect. He was undressing me so I reached out and started
unbuttoning his shirt, trying to push back my anxiety. He stopped me and told me to relax,
that it was just the two of us, just Edward and Bella. He removed my hands from his shirt,
saying he wanted to worship me and I smiled at that word. A lot of things had been done to
me before, but worshiping hadn’t been one of them. I nodded and he finished undressing
me, running his hands along my body as he did so. After I was completely bare he told me
to lay back and mumbled some Italian. I had no idea what it meant but it was beautiful to
hear, the sound of it causing my desire to increase.
I lay back and he started tasting me, sending sparks through my body. It felt so amazing
and I could feel my muscles relaxing and my body loosening up as he licked and nibbled on
me. He pushed some of his fingers inside of me and increased his pace, sending my body
spiraling into orgasm quickly. It faded after a moment and I lay on the bed, quivering and
panting. He pulled away and stood up, starting to remove his own clothes. My nerves were
spiking again as he stripped down to nothing and I fought to get my body under control. He
told me halfway through that we could stop and I told him immediately that I didn’t want
to, as I was more confident about this than anything before in my life.
I moved to lie in the middle of the bed and his naked form hovered overtop of me, kissing
my mouth and my body, caressing my skin. He whispered in Italian to me, his words and
touches sending me into a whirlwind of yearning. He stammered something about a
condom and I asked him if it was necessary, admittedly not entirely sure. I could tell he was
nervous about the subject but I assured him I trusted him, because I did. He seemed
relieved by my answer and started kissing and caressing my body again for a bit, getting me
really worked up. He pulled himself up and I saw him reach between us and grab a hold of
himself, the motion sending my heart pounding furiously. He told me he’d be slow and
gentle, and I was nervous but I wanted him desperately. I wanted to feel him and be with
him, wanted the two of us to share this moment.
He glanced down and nudged my legs open wider, lining himself up. He started pushing
inside of me and I could feel myself being stretched, the sensation not painful but a bit
startling. He let go of himself to lie down on top of me and I wrapped my arms around him
tightly, a dozen different emotions coursing through me. He pushed further in and paused,
telling me it was going to hurt but for me to hold onto him tightly, and it would go away. I
said okay and increased my grip on him, nervous for this part. He pushed forward again
and a sharp pain tore through my privates. It wasn’t the worst pain I’d ever felt, not even
close, but it was more intense than I expected it to be. I cried out and tensed up, the area
starting to throb slightly, and Edward stilled his movements again. He began kissing my
neck and start rambling off Italian, and it took me a moment to realize it was the same
poem I’d asked him to recite the other day but he couldn’t remember. I focused on what he
was saying, how beautiful the words sounded coming from his lips. It was a great
distraction and I felt my body relaxing after a moment, the pain subsiding quickly and the
throb dulling.
I told him I was okay and he started moving again. “That was beautiful,” I whispered after a
moment, and he jokingly asked me if I was referring to the poem or the penetration. His
question surprised me but I was grateful for it, that even in a moment like this Edward
could be true to himself. He tried to take it back, stating he was trying to be romantic but I
told him I didn’t need that. I didn’t need him to fake anything for me, I wanted the real him
at all times. I loved him for how he was and never wanted him to change the person that
was at the core, because that person was stunning.
The more Edward moved, the more intense the sensations grew. It was slightly
uncomfortable at first until the throb disappeared completely, the pleasure growing and
overpowering everything else. I could feel him filling me completely and felt an almost
longing when he pulled back out, the void inside of me both emotionally and physically
once again filled when he pushed back inside of me. I was moaning as the electricity from
our connection coursed through every centimeter of my body. It was startling and
consuming me.
“Only you. It’ll only ever be you, Edward,” I panted out after a bit, needing him to know
that. There was no one else for me and I knew no one else would ever make me feel the way
he did. The electricity I felt was unique to us, didn’t exist beyond us. I could never give
myself to anyone else, not after feeling what I was feeling. He groaned in response and
continued to push in and pull back out, sending pleasure through me.
”All mine,” he said finally, breathlessly. “You are so fucking tight baby, you don’t even
know. Nothing will ever be as good as this, nothing could ever feel as good as you do.”
His words caused my skin to tingle, the love to boil up inside of me. My hands started
roaming his body, needing to feel him. It was overwhelming, him being inside of me and
his body pressed against mine. I could feel the slight dampness of sweat on his skin, hear
the labored breaths he was taking as he thrusted in and out of me. He reached over and
grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together. I couldn’t stop the noises from escaping my
throat, my body reacting strongly to his groans and grunts. He pushed me open further and
started pushing in deeper, causing everything to intensify.
“I love you,” I said, feeling my eyes well up with tears at all of it. It felt better than I ever
imagined it would feel, the euphoria of being with him and the physical bliss overriding
everything else. Nothing else matter but him, I cared about nothing but us. He was my
world, my life, and I was giving him every inch of me and hoping with everything I had that
he would take it and keep it.
“Ti amo,” he said. “So much. God, I fucking love you so much.” His words sent shivers
down my spine so intense that I thrusted my hips and moaned loudly. I could hear the
passion in his voice, his unwavering love. He meant it; I didn’t doubt a single syllable of it.
He loved me, just as much as I loved him, and he was making love to me. Alice had been
right, it was more than just a physical connection. It was spiritual and emotional. I could
feel him in my soul, way down to the bone. He was consuming me entirely, taking over
every cell in my body. I was his and would always be his. There was no going back for me,
no walking away from this. I needed him like the air I breathed now, I couldn’t survive in
the world where there was no Edward Cullen. He was my light in the dark, my spark.
“Please don’t ever leave me,” I said as the tears started spilling from my eyes, the emotion
of it all too much to hold back. I was so afraid of losing him now that I had him, afraid of
losing this feeling. He grunted in response, the sound passionate and primal.
“Never,” he said immediately, his voice forceful. “I’ll never leave you. Do you fucking feel
this, Bella? We belong together.”
I groaned. “Sempre,” I said shakily. It had become a favorite word of ours ever since I’d
used it in that first text message. Sempre. He was my forever.
He reached down and started rubbing his hand against me as he continued to push in and
out of me, my body igniting. Every inch of my skin was sparking; my soul felt like it was on
fire. The pleasure was beyond anything I imagined I’d ever experience and I could feel the
tension growing within me.
“Sempre,” he stated, his voice gritty and powerful. “Forever, Isabella. I’ll fucking die
without you. I’ll never survive if you ever go away from me.”
My breath hitched when his words hit me, my body going rigid as the tension mounted and
exploded, ricocheting through my body. I screamed at the sensation, as the orgasm was
stronger than I’d ever felt one before, the feeling of my body convulsing while he was inside
of me stunning. I arched my back as it coursed through me and he hissed, spouting off
curse words and telling me how good it felt. His words caused my orgasm to linger, the fact
that I was making him feel as good as he was making me feel causing the feelings in me to
spike even further.
After my orgasm subsided I relaxed into the bed and tried to get control of myself as he
continued to make love to me. I couldn’t seem to form a coherent thought or even get my
breathing to even out, as every portion of me was being consumed and overrun by the
essence of Edward Cullen. It was stunning, almost magical. He grabbed my other hand,
linking our fingers together, pressing his body to mine even more. I could feel every inch of
him as he slid against me, the sound of his movements as he pushed himself in me
wreaking havoc on the tiny snippet of control I did have left over myself. He opened my
legs further and pushed himself deeper, the feeling almost excruciating but it wasn’t a bad
pain. It was just intense and increased the electricity even more, the pleasure increasing.
The tears started slipping from the corner of my eyes again and I fought back a sob,
completely and utterly overwhelmed. My body was quivering from my desire and he
started pushing into me harder, his movements faster. His breathing was labored and I
could feel his hands shaking as he held onto mine tighter. It was clear to me he was just
overwhelmed as me about it, and I wondered if he truly could feel the same thing I felt. I
wondered if he felt the completeness, the wholeness. As far back as I could remember I’d
always felt broken but now I almost felt… intact.
I felt Edward tense up, his manhood twitching inside of me as warmth started seeping into
me. He cried out into my neck, snarling loudly, the sound primal and sending sparks
through my body that in turn sent my tension mounting. He thrusted hard, harder than
before, slamming his pelvis against mine. It sent a jolt of pain through me that seemed to
set the tension off, and my body spiraled into orgasm once again. I held onto Edward’s
hands tightly, crying out. He pushed into me a few more times, each stroke slower than the
last, before finally stopping after my orgasm subsided. He stayed inside of me, laying on
top of me and letting go of my hands. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, relishing in
the feeling of his warm body on mine. I could smell him, his natural scent mingling with
the scent of the sweat from sex, and I could feel his shaky breaths as his chest vibrated. The
tears were still streaming from my eyes and I tried to get them to stop, but I still lacked
control over my body.
He pulled up eventually, pulling out of me. We both made noise at the loss of contact and
he glanced at me, freezing.
“Are you okay?” he asked, looking worried. I smiled and he brushed my cheeks with his
fingertips as I nodded.
“Perfect,” I whispered, as it was the only word I could seem to get my brain to be able to
pull out and my lips to cooperate and mutter. He smiled and kissed my lips softly, rolling
over onto his back and pulling me to him. I snuggled up against him and placed my hand
on his chest, while he started rubbing my back lightly. His skin was warm and I could feel
the rise and fall of his breathing and the slight pounding of his heart as the blood was
pushed throughout his body. We lay quietly just touching, neither of us having to speak
because what we’d just done had said it all for us. We were one now.
Edward’s heart slowed to the point where I could no longer feel it against my palm and his
breathing evened as his hand stilled. I glanced up at him and saw his eyes were closed, a
look of pure contentment on his face as he slept. I smiled and laid my head back down,
snuggling in closer to him and closing my eyes.
I listened to Edward’s light snoring for a while, which he usually only did when he was
beyond exhausted, and drifted off to sleep eventually. I slept deeply and dreamlessly,
waking up to sunlight streaming in the window. I sat up and cringed at the soreness in my
body, most of it centered between my legs. I glanced down instinctively toward the source
of the discomfort, freezing and my eyes widening with shock when I saw the streak of dried
blood going down my inner thigh. I gasped and shifted myself quickly, frightened I’d gotten
my period or something, but didn’t see anything on the blanket anywhere.
“What’s wrong?” the gritty voice asked beside me. I looked over immediately to see Edward
eyeing me suspiciously, appearing half asleep still. I just stared at him, unsure of what to
say that wouldn’t completely embarrass us both. He looked at me for a moment longer
before groaning and sitting up quickly, running his hands down his face exasperatedly.
“What is it Bella?”
“Uh, it’s just,” I started, glancing down at my thigh again before glancing back over at
Edward. His brow furrowed in confusion and he glanced down at my lap, his eyes widening
slightly as he spotted it.
“Oh,” he said quietly, staring at my leg for a second before looking back up at me. “I
probably should’ve mentioned that virgins usually bleed the first time, huh?”
My eyes widened with surprise. “They do?” I asked. He nodded, his lips curving up into a
smile. I smiled in response and felt the blood rushing to my cheeks in humiliation for
nearly freaking out over nothing.
“Awww, don’t be embarrassed, tesoro,” he said softly, reaching over and running his hand
down my chest between my breasts. “That blush is beautiful, though.”
My blush deepened upon his words and he chuckled, shaking his head. He leaned over and
pressed his lips to mine, pushing me backward onto the bed and climbing overtop of me. I
giggled into his mouth as he practically pinned me down. He kissed me deeply and I
wrapped my arms around him, pulling him down onto me tighter as our tongues started
mingling together. He groaned against my lips after a moment and pressed himself against
me, his manhood growing hard. I moaned as it rubbed against my spot, sending sparks
through my body. He did it again and I moaned louder, running my hand up his back and
gripping onto his hair.
He pulled from my lips, his breathing lightly labored because of his arousal. “Are you
sore?” he asked quietly, pressing himself against me again. I moaned as he rubbed against
my spot and hesitated on the answer before just humming in response. I was sore but it
was clear to me he was turned on and wanted me, and I liked that he wanted me. My lack of
true response to his question caused him to pull away to look at me, a somber expression
on his face.
“Never do that, you hear me?” he said pointedly. “This shit is serious, Bella. I don’t want to
hurt you. It’ll destroy me if I fucking hurt you.”
I gazed at him for a moment before nodding. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I just…I know you’re
uh… that you want…” I stammered a bit, not knowing how to word it properly. He sighed
and ran his hand through his hair.
“Do you remember when we first got together, when I told you I didn’t want any other girl
but you and you freaked out and shit, thinking I expected sex?” he asked, looking at me
questioningly. I nodded. “What did I tell you then?”
I paused, thinking back. “You said that we’d do what I wanted, that you didn’t have
expectations,” I said, pretty sure that was correct. He nodded.
“And?”
“And…” I paused, running through the conversation in my mind. “Not to have sex with you
just because you may want it?”
He nodded again. “Yes. Because quite frankly we’d never leave the bedroom or put clothes
on if we went by when I wanted it, because I’m a man. I’m pretty much always fucking
ready and willing.” My eyes widened in surprise and he chuckled. “Seriously, I am. And by
the way, I also told you that day that you’d be comfortable enough to want to try that kinda
shit with me someday. You didn’t believe me, and look at you now with your cherry
popped.”
I looked at him with shock and he laughed again. “What, do you prefer deflowered?” he
asked playfully.
I smiled and blushed, shaking my head. “We’ve come a long way,” I said, happy at how
much progress we’d made in that department. He nodded.
“That we have,” he said quietly. “But seriously, Isabella, no obligations. Don’t feel like just
because it happened last night means that it has to happen all the time now. I don’t want it
to be just about that with us.”
I stared at him, surprised by the seriousness in his voice. “Okay,” I said softly. I reached up
and brushed my fingers across Edward’s lips, leaning in and kissing him softly. “It won’t be
just about sex with us.”
He smirked. “Never in a million years did I think I’d ever actually be fucking happy to have
a girl say that to me, but I am.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Anyway, it’s clear you’re
sore so how about I draw you a bath and then maybe we’ll go do something today.”
I smiled brightly. “Like?” I asked. He shrugged.
“I dunno. One step at a time,” he said, standing up from the bed. I stared at his naked form
as he stood there, mesmerized by how magnificent it was. He noticed I was ogling him and
laughed, heading toward the bathroom. I heard the water start up and he stepped back out
a few moments later, walking over to the bed and holding his hand out to me. I took it,
smiling, and stood up. He led me into the bathroom and I stepped into the warm water, the
heat immediately starting to loosen up my muscles and ease the soreness. He sat down on
the edge of the tub and grabbed a washcloth, slowly rubbing it across my exposed skin. I
just sat back and enjoyed it, smiling because it reminded me of another time he washed me
up.
“What are you thinking?” he asked after a moment, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I
shrugged, shaking my head.
“Just thinking about how protective you are, how you take care of me so well when I’m hurt
even in the slightest,” I said. “This just reminded me of when you took care of me after my
punishment.”
His movements froze and he stared at me for a second. “I don’t like that word, punishment.
You make it sound like it was just a parent giving their child a time out for sneaking a piece
of candy or some shit, like my mother used to do to Emmett all the time when we were
kids. Thieving little fucker. But what my father did to you wasn’t punishment, Isabella. It
was abuse, plain and simple.”
He returned to running the washcloth over me and I sighed. “Okay, not punishment then.
Abuse. Regardless of the word though, it reminded me of that day when you fixed me up.”
He smiled lightly. “Yeah. I did a pretty fucking good job of it, too, if I say so myself,” he said
jokingly.
“You did. You’re a good healer. Maybe you could be a doctor like your Dad someday,” I
suggested. Ever since we’d had that initial conversation about me not wanting Edward to
be a killer, I’d often throw out ideas on what he could do with his life. I figured it couldn’t
hurt and might help Dr. Cullen get his wish of Edward following a different path if I at least
suggested stuff. He glanced at me and smiled, shrugging.
“Maybe. I don’t know if I have the patience for that, though. We’ll see, I guess. One thing I
am sure of is that I hope to never have to fucking fix you up again like I did that day. I
never want you hurt, and I swear to God if someone does harm you like that again I’ll kill
them,” he said forcefully. I stared at him for a moment before nodding.
“I hope you don’t either,” I said quietly, pausing. “Something tells me you’d probably flip
out over something as silly as a paper cut, though.”
He chuckled, nodding. “Goddamn right. Paper cuts can be brutal, tesoro.”
I laughed and finished my bath, and Edward wrapped a towel around me when I got out.
He rubbed my arms lightly and kissed my lips softly, telling me that there was a black
duffel bag in the bedroom with clothes in it for us. I went into the bedroom and grabbed
the bag as Edward jumped in the shower, opening it and pulling the clothes out. I sat his
jeans, shirt, and boxers on the bed for him and started dressing in the jeans and long
sleeved T-Shirt that were packed for me. Edward returned after a moment and started
gathering our stuff up to take home.
“You ready?” he asked when he had everything situated. I nodded and we started taking
stuff out to the Volvo, preparing to leave. Once we had everything loaded he started the car
up and pulled away from the Inn. I glanced in my side mirror and watched as the mansion
grew smaller and smaller, saddened that the moment was coming to an end and the two of
us would once again have to step back into the reality of our situation. The reality that we
had to often conceal our feelings and play the parts we were expected to play, me of
obedient servant and property, him of obedient son and mafia prince.
We chatted casually on the drive and my brow furrowed in confusion as we hit Forks and
he drove by the high school. I glanced at the clock and saw it was past 11am. “Why didn’t
you go to school today?” I asked with confusion. He glanced over at me briefly, shrugging.
“Much more important things today than school,” he said. I gaped at him.
“What’s more important than school?” I asked, wondering why he’d skip two days in a row.
His brow furrowed slightly and he looked at me with surprise.
“What kind of question is that? You’re more important than school,” he said.
“Oh,” I said, oddly not expecting that answer even though Alice had said something similar
the day before. He laughed and reached over, nudging me playfully.
“Silly, Bella,” he said softly. “Are you hungry? We can stop at the diner for lunch.”
I smiled. “That sounds nice,” I said. He nodded and drove through town, pulling up in front
of the diner I’d eaten at with Alice the morning before. He helped me out of the car and
kept a hold of my hand, linking our fingers together as he led me inside. People greeted
him by name as we entered, and it was clear to me that there wasn’t a single person in the
town of Fork that didn’t know Edward Cullen.
We were seated and the waitress came over, the same one from the day before that had
helped Alice and I. She seemed a lot more chipper today, smiling brightly and definitely
more talkative. Edward barely seemed to notice her presence, though. “I want a coke,” he
said simply, glancing over at me, waiting for my drink choice. I smiled and ordered the
same, and the waitress went away to get our sodas. We chatted briefly as I glanced through
my menu and the woman returned with our sodas, once again trying to delve into
conversation. Edward ignored her chatter and immediately started ordering, despite the
fact that she hadn’t yet asked us if we were even ready. He said he wanted a cheese steak
and fries and looked at me expectantly. I smiled and said I wanted a chicken sandwich with
fries. The waitress sighed and took our menus, saying she’d be back. Edward groaned as
she walked away, shaking his head.
“Fucking disrespectful people,” he said with irritation. My brow furrowed in confusion and
I stared at him.
“She disrespected you?” I asked, unsure of what he was talking about. He shook his head
and ran a hand through his hair.
“Not really, more like she disrespected you,” he said.
“How?” I asked with surprise. He sighed.
“By trying to flirt with me,” he said. My eyes widened with surprise.
“She was trying to flirt?” I asked. He nodded. “Wow, I didn’t know. I couldn’t really tell. I
guess she wasn’t very good at it.”
He started laughing and I smiled sheepishly. He reached over and brushed his fingertips
across my lips. “I love you, amore mio,” he said, cupping my chin and leaning across the
table. I leaned in also and he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me softly and sweetly. I
closed my eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of his soft wet lips against mine, allowing
myself for a moment to forget that we were in the middle of a crowded diner and just feel
Edward’s adoration. He pulled back from my lips finally and I opened my eyes, gazing at
him and smiling. Something caught my eye behind him and I glanced over his shoulder,
freezing when I saw Jacob Black standing there. He was staring at our table, an odd
expression on his face. I tried to look away from him quickly so not to draw attention to
him but I wasn’t quick enough. I saw Edward’s brow furrow and he turned his head around
quickly, freezing when he made eye contact with Jacob. They glared at each other briefly,
both giving hostile looks.
“Edward?” I said after a moment. He turned his head around quickly to look at me, the
anger evident in his expression. “Are you okay?”
He stared at me for a moment before nodding. “Yeah,” he mumbled, running his hand
through his hair. I nodded and glanced up, noticing Jacob walking toward us with a police
officer. I tensed up slightly as they approached, my heart starting to pound erratically as
they paused beside our table.
“Edward,” the police officer said, nodding in greeting.
“Police chief,” Edward said, trying to sound polite but I could sense the forced nature of his
words. It was clear Edward wasn’t fond of him for some reason.
“How you doing, son?” he asked. Edward sighed.
“Fine, sir. You?” Edward asked. The man smiled smugly and I realized at once that he
clearly wasn’t a fan of Edward’s either, the distaste mutual.
“I’m great. Life’s been a lot less stressful for all of us lately, since you went away after the
incident,” he said. Edward and Jacob both tensed up and I could see Edward’s nostrils
flare, his hands balling up into fists as he tried to fight back his anger. “Nice to see you’re
staying out of trouble these days.”
“Yes, sir,” Edward spat, the disdain clear in his voice. I sighed and reached across the table,
grabbed a hold of Edward’s hand. He glanced at me quickly, looking almost surprised by
my movement but relaxed his hand. I linked our fingers together, giving him a small smile.
His lips curved upward as he gave my hand a squeeze. “I have a reason to stay out of
trouble now.”
My smile grew upon his words, feeling the blush rise into my cheeks. He chuckled and
glanced back over at the police officer. “Well, that’s wonderful. Congratulations on that.”
Edward thanked him and the officer greeted me briefly before turning and walking away.
Jacob lingered there for a moment, glaring at the table where Edward and my hands were
connected with a look of anger on his face. “Is there something you want, Jacob?” Edward
asked sharply after a second. Jacob glanced at Edward, narrowing his eyes angrily. He
glanced over in my direction and started at me briefly, shaking his head and turning to
walk away.
The lady returned with our food and we ate, the atmosphere relaxed once more after the
brief encounter. After we were both finished eating Edward ordered a strawberry
milkshake and we shared it, chatting and laughing. He was being playful and would
occasionally lean across and kiss me or run his fingertips across my cheek or lips. It was
startling how sweet and open he was to me in public, in a packed dinner surrounded by
people who knew him well and knew his father. It was clear Edward didn’t care, that the
outside world came second now compared to what it was we had.
I couldn’t explain it, but there had been a shift in the air around us. It seemed like Edward
making love to me had taken us both over and changed us. There was a connection there
that hadn’t been there before last night, a merging of souls and spirit. Making love had
reaffirmed everything I already felt, strengthening it to where it almost felt unbreakable. It
felt like the two of us could face anything, endure whatever life threw at us as long as we
were together. He’d sworn to me he’d never leave me and I believe it, because I believed in
him and his love. I could just feel it—feel his dedication and devotion. No one would ever
come between us; I had to truly believe that.
However, no matter how strong those feelings were and my belief that we were meant to
be, they couldn’t completely overpower that other sensation wafting across my skin. It was
a sensation I was used to, a feeling I’d felt my entire life. It was the feeling of being
watched.
Because I could sense Jacob Blacks eyes boring into me from across the diner, and I didn’t
know what he wanted from me or why he seemed so interested, but I was quite sure that it
wouldn’t fare well for mine and Edward's peace.
Chapter 49 Secret
“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” --
Thucydides
Two months.
It’s been exactly two months since we drove away from the George Washington Inn and
returned back to reality, and what a two fucking months it’s been. The time has flown by
quite fast, so fast that it was hard to fucking believe Isabella had been with us for over half
a year already. She’d changed so much over that time period, the past two months making
a startling difference in her behavior and even her appearance. It was stunning, as it really
was like she was a new fucking person. Deep down at the core she was still the same
Isabella, but she was confident now, playful, and could be pretty fucking outgoing when she
was around people she was familiar with.
She’d made some pretty big strides in adapting to the outside world already, which shocked
me because I’d thought for sure it would take fucking years to get her comfortable enough
to truly open up. That morning we’d woken up in the Inn she made the comment that we’d
come a long way together, and I had to admit that was true because we were completely
different people together, but I had to wonder if she truly understood how far she had
managed to come by herself. She was excelling at the literacy shit; she’d been reading
books left and right, flying through the entire collection my father had gotten her for
Christmas during the days when she was stuck in the house and I was off at the hellhole
known as Forks High. Jasper still helped her out with it, her writing getting better every
day. It was hard to believe she’d barely been literate when she walked through the door of
our house in September, as you couldn’t fucking tell it by watching her these days.
She’d taken those notebooks Jasper gave her for Christmas and started filling entire pages
front and back with words, just scribbling down anything and everything that was on her
mind. It was fascinating to read, almost like a diary but some of her writing pretty fucking
disjointed. She didn’t have any secrets from me so I wasn’t worried about reading
something I wasn’t supposed to see, although some of the shit still managed to make me
cringe when she wrote about shit that had happened to her in the past. But it was
interesting none-the-less so I endured the shit that made me feel uncomfortable because I
wanted to get to know her better, and she thankfully didn’t mind my nosiness. It was like
getting a peek into her mind, as she wrote little phrases and facts and thoughts and dreams
across the pages.
She was drawing a lot more lately also, most of it random stuff like trees and buildings and
shit she saw on TV. She drew an amazing picture of the Volvo for me a week ago that was
tacked to the bedroom wall beside the one she drew of herself at Christmas. My main two
fucking loves in life—my girl and my car. I told her all she needed to do was to add my
piano and my gun, and I was complete.
She was starting to grow more comfortable being outside of the house too. Shopping in a
store seemed like no big deal to her anymore, like she’d been doing it every fucking day of
her life. She’d scan the aisles and get what she was there for, even interacting with people.
It stunned me the first time she initiated conversation with a stranger, which just happened
to be that same bitch who had been working the cash register the very first time I took her
to the grocery store. She’d slipped me her number that first time and was eyeing me
curiously when we went to pay for our stuff this past time. I was mentally fucking praying
to whomever would listen that she wouldn’t try that shit again, and thankfully she didn’t
but she did flirt a bit. Bella cut her off though before the harmless flirting could turn into
me having to hurt a bitch’s feelings, as she randomly blurted out ‘tell me about your
rewards program’. I’d been confused for a moment, wondering what the fuck she was
talking about, but she pointed out that the girl was wearing a pin that said ‘Ask me about
our rewards program’. The girl begrudgingly rattled off some bullshit about a card and
saving money each week or whatever, which I didn’t give a shit about, but I stood back and
smiled because I was fucking happy to hear it. Bella had not only read the girls pin, but
she’d taken it upon herself to ask a fucking question, and of a stranger at that. It was such a
fucking simple thing that wouldn’t mean anything to most people, but it was big for her. I
couldn’t have been prouder.
It was fruitless to hope Bella hadn’t caught onto the flirting, though, because ever since that
day at the diner when I’d pointed out the waitress flirting with me she seemed to have
developed fucking radar for it. Every time a girl would smile at me or give me that ‘bend me
over and pound me please’ pout, which wasn’t fucking cute by the way but I knew what it
meant, Bella would nudge me and say something ridiculous like ‘she’s so flirting with you’.
She thankfully wasn’t fucking insecure or anything, and actually found it funny how girls
tried to get my attention. It made me feel good that she fucking trusted me and didn’t get
her panties all twisted over someone flirting with me like a lot of other girls would. She
knew I was hers and only hers, I told her all the time that there was no other girl in the
world for me.
I also started giving her cash when we went to the store so she could utilize the monopoly
skills she’d acquired, counting it out and paying for her shit on her own. The first time I
handed her a bill though I swore she was going to have a fucking panic attack the way her
hand started shaking and her breathing grew shallow, but she toughed the shit out and did
it. We usually don’t go too many places, mainly just the grocery store and random shops
nearby, sometimes out to eat at the diner, but when we did go I always made sure she
stayed as independent as possible. She ordered her food, picked out her own shit at the
store, and always spoke for herself. I wasn’t trying to be fucking smug or sound cocky, but I
was quite good at the role of ‘supportive boyfriend’. Who would’ve fucking thought? And
Isabella was getting so good at the independent bullshit that I was wondering if it was
maybe time for her to finally make her first trip alone.
And driving…. Christ, teaching her to drive had to be the most difficult and stressful thing
I’d ever fucking done. After taking my fathers automatic out a few times, she seemed to
really get the hang of it and wasn’t making any mistakes so I got the bright fucking idea to
teach her on a manual. Yeah, big fucking mistake. I was at least smart enough to use
someone else’s goddamn vehicle and not the Volvo, because she was grinding gears and
stalling every few minutes, rolling it backwards and almost taking shit out. I got too
frustrated and had to throw in the towel on that after less than thirty minutes, and she
seemed disappointed at that fact so I tried to explain it to her that it was definitely better
for the both of our sanities and our fucking relationship if I didn’t go down that road again.
Jasper thankfully stepped up to the plate and offered to take her out and teach her.
They’d been gone over two hours the first time he took her out driving. I had started to
panic that something was really wrong, worried she’d stalled in the middle of a fucking
intersection or ran off the road and hit a goddamn tree, but they’d eventually returned in
one piece with the vehicle still completely intact. He took her out a few more times after
that and declared that she’d mastered it, not stalling at all or grinding any gears the last
time. I smiled and told her how fucking proud of her I was and she was beaming, but there
was still no goddamn way I was getting into a manual with her behind the wheel anytime
soon. If the motherfucking transmission didn’t change the gears itself, she wasn’t driving it
with me in the car.
She seemed more and more like a normal teenager every day, and I was loving every
second of it. She was feisty and sexy and confident, a bit of freedom and normalcy suiting
her well. She’d even started spending more time with Alice and Rose, doing whatever the
fuck it was girls did when they got together. I didn’t know, I didn’t even really want to
fucking know as long as they returned her to me in one piece and she was safe. But I
noticed as time wore on she started doing girly shit more, like keeping her toenails painted
and wearing lip-gloss, even fixing her hair. It was nice, seeing her getting to enjoy normal
girl shit.
Life hadn’t changed only for Isabella the past few months; it seemed to have started
changing for all of us. Dad was gone a lot more, nearly every weekend now, as business in
Chicago had become quite demanding. Jasper and Emmett were busy preparing for
college, as the both of them were graduating in two months. Emmett and Rosalie were
heading across the country to Notre Dame; Emmett going to school for computer
engineering and Rosalie was planning to study marketing. I’d expected them to stay nearby
so I was stunned when they announced they wanted to go to a fucking catholic private
university halfway across the goddamn country. But whatever, I was happy for them, and
Dad was so fucking ecstatic he already had tuition checks written out for both of them.
Jasper, on the other hand, was staying close by and going to school in Seattle. Alice
wouldn’t graduate for another year and I knew his reasoning for not looking beyond that
was her. I had to respect him for it, because when I thought about my future Isabella was
my main motivation now too.
Our relationship was thriving, despite the fucking complications of the situation. We still
kept our cool around my father and didn’t flaunt it, but as far as everyone else in town went
I didn’t give a shit if they knew. I’d proudly walk through the store holding her hand or
kissing on her, and I never thought I’d be the kind of person to get into PDA but I couldn’t
help myself. I had a hard time keeping my hands and my lips off of her sometimes,
especially since we’d taken that plunge and become intimate.
Yes, we had sex now; it hadn’t been just a one-time occurrence. I mean, it wasn’t often that
we did it, but some sex was definitely better than no fucking sex. It usually happened once
a week, most often the Saturday when my father was away. I realize we’d gotten pretty
fucking predictable with the shit, and I used to get irritated at how predictable my brothers
had gotten since settling down but now I found myself following in their footsteps. I always
thought life would be boring that way but I’m learning now that nothing’s ever fucking
boring with her. We could do the same shit day in and day out, and half the time we fucking
did, and it would always feel fresh and new with her beside me.
As far as my father went, he wasn’t stupid. He saw the changes over the past two months
like everyone else did. He saw how much Isabella was growing and adapting. I’d catch him
standing off to the side sometimes just watching her as she did her thing, gazing at her
almost fatherly. And it was fucking weird, because he seemed almost proud about it and
would smile as he watched her when he thought no one was looking at him. He tried to talk
to her more, and she was still short with him and saying as little as possible when he
initiated conversation. I could tell it fucking frustrated him, as he’d see her playing around
with me and my brothers, joking and laughing, and then coldly saying ‘yes, sir’ when he
asked her something. I don’t know, it still really didn’t make any fucking sense to me
because I had still didn’t have any answers to anything. And I knew he had to know about
how much our relationship had grown, because the shit was common knowledge around
town and we didn’t even try to hide it in public, but he never said anything to me about it
so I guess it didn’t bother him that damn much. I couldn’t lie, it gave me hope, and I knew
there was shit I was still in the dark on and it drove me crazy but I had to fucking believe it
would all work out. Quite frankly, there was no way it couldn’t work out without it
destroying me.
When we’d walked away from that Inn two months ago, we both walked away different
people. Mine and Isabella’s futures were linked together now, and nothing anyone could do
could change that.
I threw some clothes on, running my hand through my hair that was still damp from my
shower. Today was Saturday April 15th to be exact, which meant tomorrow was Easter.
Isabella had bought all the shit to make a big dinner but I wasn’t sure there was even a
point in doing so, because I didn’t even know if my father would be home for the day. He’d
been in Chicago for three days now doing whatever the fuck it was the organization was
doing these days. I heard him mention problems with both the Russians and the Justice
Department again, heat coming at them from all directions and Aro demanding more of his
time. That in turn made my father pissy for some reason. I was starting to get the idea that
my father despised his place in the Mafia now with subtle comments he’d been making and
I thought about asking him outright but I was afraid of opening up a can of worms on that
subject. My birthday was sneaking up quite fucking fast and I’d be 18 in a mere two
months. I knew when that happened some unwanted attention was going to be coming my
way, and I wasn’t sure how to handle that subject yet. I did mention it around Isabella and
she spouted off something about people making rash decisions because of skewed
impressions, only later to learn the truth and have no way to turn back time, that they just
had to endure the consequences of their actions. I’d stared at her for a moment, trying to
decipher her cryptic bullshit and just asked her to speak fucking English.
“Did you ever wonder why your father is so insistent about practicing medicine?” she’d
asked. I looked at her with confusion, my brow furrowing.
“What the fuck does that have to do with his attitude about the Borgata?” I asked, not
understanding her fucking point. She groaned, shaking her head.
“It has everything to do with it, Edward,” she said with irritation. Yeah, she didn’t even
fucking hide her irritation from me anymore. Like I said, independence made her feisty.
I shrugged, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t fucking know, Bella. Maybe he helps
some to balance out the ones he hurts,” I said. She glanced at me and nodded.
“Exactly. He obviously doesn’t like what he does with the Mafia if he spends every free
moment away from it trying to help and heal people. It’s kind of like atonement I think. He
can’t turn back time and go down another path, it’s too late for that. It’s one of those
decisions you have to live with. Maybe he made the decision without realizing exactly what
it meant for him and now he’s just trying to deal with it the best he can. Every life he saves
lessens the hurt of the life he destroyed,” she said.
I had no idea how the fuck she knew that, but I was past being shocked at her wisdom. Ever
since then, those words had been weighing on my mind. Joining the mafia was definitely
not a topic I could ignore or take lightly, because she was right. There was no turning back
from it. Once it was made and you were initiated, it was for life and all you could do after
that was cope and hope for the best. Did I really want to do that and risk turning into my
father in twenty years?
I stepped out of the bedroom, heading down the stairs. As soon as I started down the
second flight toward the foyer I was assaulted by the smell of bacon and eggs and French
toast and the sound of chatter. I smiled, hearing Isabella’s laughter ring out in the midst of
my brothers talking.
“What up fuckers,” I said, walking into the kitchen where they were all gathered. They
greeted me and I walked over to where Isabella was standing in front of the stove,
wrapping my arms around her waist. She turned her head to glance at me, looking away
from the French toast she was making.
“You smell good,” she said, leaning over to brush her lips against mine quickly. I smirked
and hummed, nodding.
“That’s what happens when you take a shower, Bella. You wash the stink off,” I said. She
rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the stove, flipping the French toast.
“You never stink,” she said. I chuckled.
“You’ve clearly never smelled me immediately after playing football, tesoro, or you’d retract
that statement,” I said, reaching by her to grab a piece of bacon. She simply smiled at me,
watching as I popped it in my mouth.
“Hey, how come he can eat!” Emmett asked behind us. I chuckled and turned around,
glancing at my brother. “Every time I try to get something she hits me.”
I glanced at Isabella, watching as she smiled mischievously because she really did do that
shit. She wasn’t above smacking Emmett with a fucking wooden spoon if he tried to grab
food she was trying to cook, but she always let me pick at it while she was making it.
“It’s one of the perks of being the boyfriend,” I said, shrugging and letting go of her. I
walked over and opened the fridge door, grabbing the jug of orange juice. I closed it and
glanced up to see Isabella holding a glass out to me. I smiled and took it, thanking her
while I poured myself something to drink.
“Yeah, well, it’s not fucking fair,” Emmett said. I laughed again.
“Newsflash, asshole. Life isn’t fair. Get over it,” I said, returning the jug to the fridge. I
turned around and glanced at him, freezing when I saw he was eyeing me curiously. My
brow furrowed and he glanced at Isabella briefly before turning his attention back to me,
nodding his head toward a small brown box sitting on the counter. He mouthed the letters
‘G’, ‘P’, and ‘S’, and my eyes widened with surprise. I glanced over at where Isabella was
standing to make sure she wasn’t paying us any attention and nodded my head in the
direction of the living room. He nodded and grabbed the box, walking out of the kitchen
immediately with Jasper behind him.
I turned back to Isabella and gave her a quick kiss, telling her I was going to chill with my
brothers while she finished breakfast. I headed out and into the living room, sitting down
beside Emmett on the couch. I glanced over at him, surprised when I saw the small
microchip sitting on his pointer finger. “Christ, Em, that shit’s fucking tiny.”
He laughed. “Yeah. It comes from Rakon, a company in New Zealand. Can you imagine
how hard this damn thing would be to locate if hidden? There’s no way Dad will find it,” he
said. I smiled and nodded.
“Good,” I said. We’d been working on the GPS situation over the past two months, putting
into action the plan he’d come up with. I’d gotten quite a few powerful GPS jammers from
my connection in Port Angeles, spending a shitload of money on them, and had a small one
plugged into the Volvo already. It stuck in the lighter plug and looked almost like a cell
phone charger but with an antenna on it instead of a wire. The first time Isabella got into
the car after I got it she asked me about it, and I made up some shit about it being an
antenna that improved reception or something. I felt bad lying to her, but there was no way
I could tell her the fucking truth about it without freaking her out. She’d been making so
much progress lately and the last thing I wanted to do was lay something heavy on her,
especially when she was under the impression I’d backed off of the topic completely. I also
had some personal GPS jammers like Emmett had suggested, but she didn’t fucking know
about them either. I kept them around though, ready whenever they may be needed. She’d
yet to see them thankfully so I didn’t have to make up another lie about what the fuck they
were until absolutely necessary. I hated fucking lying to her.
“So where are we planting the shit?” I asked. Emmett shrugged.
“I was thinking in the library. He never goes in there anyway. I can stick it on a shelf or
something,” he said. “Now we just need to find a way to get dad’s laptop.”
I sighed, nodding. That was the hard part of the plan, the part we’d yet to figure out. Dad
never went anywhere without the fucking thing, rarely left it unattended and it wasn’t like
we’d ever have a real reason to borrow it.
“Time to eat, guys,” Isabella’s voice rang out. We looked up and saw her standing in the
entry to the living room, eyeing us curiously. Emmett hollered with excitement, jumping up
and dropping the fucking microchip in the process. I groaned and shook my head, putting
my face in the palm of my hands. Jasper laughed as Emmett started cursing and scouring
the floor for it. “Did you lose something, Emmett?”
“NO,” both Emmett and I said at the same time. Isabella’s brow furrowed in confusion and
Jasper started laughing harder.
“Okay,” she said after a second. “Whatever. You boys are strange.” She shook her head and
turned around, walking out of the room. I watched as she disappeared and laughed.
“Damn kitten’s turning more and more into a tiger lately,” Emmett said, standing back up
and holding onto the microchip. I nodded.
“Yeah, she is,” I said. “She sure as fuck doesn’t put up with my bullshit anymore.”
Emmett laughed. “Welcome to the club, man,” he said, reaching over and patting me on the
back roughly. I cringed at how hard he smacked me, pulling away and swatting at his hand.
“Christ, Emmett, have you been hitting the fucking steroids? It’s like you get stronger every
goddamn day,” I said, reaching my hand back and trying to rub the spot he’d just hit. He
laughed, shaking his head.
“No, you’re just getting weaker. That’s what happens when you switch from an all vodka
liquid diet to actually eating meals every night, and instead of working out and fucking
around like a jackrabbit every spare second you’ve got you’re snuggling and just chilling,”
he said, shrugging. “You, little bro, have gone soft.”
My brow furrowed and I reached my hand up under my shirt, rubbing my stomach. So,
yeah, I didn’t fucking work out much anymore and I’d gotten a bit lazy, but it wasn’t that
fucking bad. My stomach wasn’t as ripped as it used to be but it wasn’t like I was fucking
flabby or anything. I still had some definition to my abs.
“Whatever,” I mumbled, shaking my head but making a mental note to do some goddamn
crunches or go running later. I couldn’t start letting myself go, especially if I wanted to start
football back up in a few months. I needed to get myself back into shape so I didn’t start
looking like fucking pansy ass Newton or something.
“Are you guys going to eat, or what?” Isabella hollered from the table where she was sitting
the food. I sighed and Emmett laughed.
“Damn Izzy Bizzy, get some patience kitten. We’re coming,” he said, glancing over at me
and grinning. He was enjoying Isabella’s newfound liveliness a lot more than he should be.
I ventured to guess that motherfucker just liked the fact that there was someone calling me
out on my shit now, someone I’d actually take it from.
We headed over to the table and sat down, eating and just chatting casually. After we were
done we gathered up our plates and took them into the kitchen, scraping them and putting
them in the dishwasher despite Isabella’s insistence that she could do the shit herself. None
of us tolerated her doing all of the work, because we all felt it was bullshit. We all pulled our
own weight and helped out when we could, but I had to admit sometimes I was a slackass
about it and she tended to do more for me than the rest of them. She told me all the time
that she didn’t mind, that she liked being able to do stuff for me but I still felt like shit for
it.
“So what are you doing today?” I asked my brothers as Isabella started straightening shit
up. Jasper shrugged, mumbling some shit about hanging out with Alice and her parents,
and Emmett said he was taking Rose out to Port Angeles on date. I sighed and nodded,
having no fucking clue what to do with Isabella. I didn’t wanna just sit around the
goddamn house, because it was nice out now that spring was finally here, but there wasn’t
exactly an overabundance of activity in this small ass town.
Jasper and Emmett thanked Isabella for breakfast and walked out to get ready for their day
and I leaned back against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. I watched her for a
moment, seeing how determined she looked as she bounced around the fucking kitchen
humming to herself. She was always doing that shit now, humming to herself. I wasn’t sure
if it was because music had taken over her subconscious like it had mine, as she listened to
a lot of fucking music now, or if it was because she was just happy. I mean, she seemed
happy, but I never outright asked her if she was fucking happy. I wanted to, but part of me
was afraid of the answer, because when it boiled down to it she was still trapped in my
fathers house under his control. Could someone ever truly be happy in those conditions,
without free will? I know it’s fucked up to even compare the two, but I remembered what it
was like in that damn boarding school, when I did everything when they told me to, no
fucking free reign over my own life. They told me when to eat and sleep, when to do work
and when I could relax, where I could go and what I could do. And it was fucking torturous,
and I’d only been there a few months. I couldn’t imagine truly living an entire fucking life
in those conditions. I hadn’t been happy at all, so how could I truly expect her to fucking be
happy?
“Baby?” I asked quietly. She turned her head to look at me and smiled, raising her
eyebrows questioningly. “Whatcha wanna do today?”
She shrugged. “Whatever you wanna do, Edward,” she said, turning back away from me to
finish her work. I groaned and ran my hand through my hair.
“If I knew what the fuck I wanted to do, do you think I would’ve bothered asking?” I asked,
shaking my head with frustration. She laughed lightly and I narrowed my eyes at her, but
my irritation dissipated quickly as she looked back over at me with that smile on her face. I
was such a fucking sucker for her now; just a goddamn smile could soothe me. Christ,
Emmett was right… I was getting fucking soft.
“Yes, I really do think that,” she said. “You always ask my opinion, which I appreciate.”
I stared at her for a moment before sighing. She fucking had me there. “So, tell me,
Isabella. You got an opinion this time? Because I’m seriously clueless.”
She shrugged. “We can just hang out here,” she said, starting up the dishwasher.
“Yeah, not happening. We spend too much time in this shithole as it is,” I said. She glanced
back over at me and gave me a small smile before finishing up her work. Yeah, she was no
fucking help.
I continued to watch Isabella and felt my pocket start vibrating, Afroman’s “Because I Got
High” ringing out. Isabella turned around to look at me, her brow furrowing in confusion,
and I chuckled. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone, smiling at Isabella
because she was eyeing me curiously. My phone never fucking rang anymore because I’d
had my phone number changed not long after her and I got together. I got tired of bitches
calling it constantly and texting me, as not a single one of them seemed to understand me
when I said I was through with their asses. Isabella never mentioned the constant phone
calls as bothering her, but I didn’t want her to get the wrong fucking idea so I changed it to
avoid that. The only people who had it were my family, Alice, Rose, Isabella, and the
motherfucker currently calling.
“What up, Ben?” I answered with. Isabella smiled lightly, realizing who it was, and turned
back around to finish whatever the fuck it was she was doing.
“Hey Cullen, I was supposed to stop by tomorrow for some stuff from your father, he said
he’d be home by then. Something came up though and my parents are forcing me to go out
of town with them. You home? Because I was gonna stop by now, if that’s possible,” he
said, not even bothering with pleasantries. “I tried calling your Dad but he’s not answering,
so I figured I’d ask you, that you’d probably know.” I paused, debating whether or not to do
that, but dad always had me handle shit with Ben anyway so I figured there really wasn’t
any harm in doing it now ahead of schedule.
“Yeah, I’ll be here,” I said. He said he’d see me in a few and I hung up, slipping the phone
back in my pocket.
“That’s not a very subtle ring you have for him,” Isabella said playfully, tossing a rag on the
counter and walking over to me. She’d figured out over the past few weeks that Ben was a
drug dealer and got his shit from my father. I smirked, shrugging.
“No one ever said I was good at being subtle, Bella. I thought you were aware that I was
quite blunt,” I said. She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, laying her head against
me.
“True,” she mumbled. “One of the many things I love about you, you’re straightforward. I
appreciate the honesty.”
I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing her back lightly, feeling fucking bad the moment
those words rolled from her lips. I was far from being straightforward with her now,
keeping secrets about the GPS bullshit. I wanted to tell her but I was afraid of freaking her
out, afraid she’d ask me to stop and I knew if she fucking asked me straight up to stop it, I
wouldn’t be able to say no. I couldn’t look at her and deny her anything anymore. She had
me wrapped around her fucking pinkie that way.
She sighed contently, closing her eyes. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head,
inhaling the sweet strawberry scent. “Do you still think happiness is just good health and a
poor memory?” I asked randomly, remembering her telling me that shit one day. She
laughed and pulled away from my arms, glancing at me.
“No,” she said. “But if it is, I hope I stay healthy and ignorant.”
I chuckled, because she could be pretty fucking witty when she wanted to be, and pulled
her back to me. “So are you saying you’re happy?” I asked.
“Of course I’m happy,” she said, nuzzling into me. I smiled, my chest swelling with all that
love I felt at the fact that despite everything, I was able to at least make her feel some
happiness after all.
We stood there for a few moments before I heard the sound of gravel crunching outside. I
sighed and Isabella pulled away from me, both of us glancing out of the window. I spotted
the blue SUV pulling up, watching as Ben got out of the drivers seat.
“Can you let him in, tesoro? I need to go get his shit for him,” I said, rubbing her arms
lightly. She smiled and nodded, and I leaned down to kiss her lips quickly. I headed out of
the kitchen and pulled my keys out of my pocket, fumbling through them until I found the
one that went to the room under the stairs. I unlocked the door and slipped inside, heading
down into the basement. I paused at the bottom of the stairs, sighing and running my hand
through my hair as I glanced around. I walked over toward a large crate and opened it up,
pulling out the package with the big ass B written on it in my father’s handwriting. I closed
the crate and turned around, pausing when my eyes fell upon the handguns sitting in the
case on the wall. I smirked as the idea hit me—I knew exactly what Isabella and I were
doing today.
I headed back out of the basement and heard my brothers’ voices the moment I hit the first
floor. I stepped out of the room and greeted Ben, handing the package to him. He thanked
me and handed me an envelope, which I slipped into my back pocket.
We stood there and chatted for a moment before Ben said he had to get the shit home and
hidden before his parents got home. He left and my brothers said they were heading out
and wouldn’t be back until later. The moment the front door shut and all three of those
motherfuckers were gone, I turned to Isabella and smirked.
“So, whatcha wanna do today?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. She smiled and rolled
her eyes playfully, as she’d already answered that fucking question once.
“Whatever you wanna do, Edward,” she repeated.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” I said, turning and heading back over to the room. I paused
at the doorway and turned to look at her. She was frozen in spot, eying me skeptically. “Are
you coming, or what?”
Her eyes widened with shock. “I, uh… I don’t think… I’m supposed to go in there.”
I sighed and stared at her for a moment, watching as the fear and curiosity and confusion
flashed across her face. “Why?” I asked. Her brow furrowed in confusion at my question.
“Why don’t you think you can come in here? I mean, did my father fucking say ‘don’t go in
there’ or something?”
She stared at me for a moment before shaking her head. “Jasper told me I should stay out
of there, that it was locked for a reason,” she said hesitantly. I nodded.
“It is locked for a reason, just like I got a goddamn key to the room for a reason,” I said,
shrugging.
“Why do you have one?” she asked curiously. I sighed, shrugging.
“Because my father isn’t always home and sometimes we need shit in here. That’s not the
point though. My father never told you that you couldn’t go inside, so come on.”
She hesitated and stared at me, and I could tell by her expression that she was seriously
contemplating hard. I mean, it wasn’t that big of a fucking deal, I could do it myself, but
there was a part of me that wanted her to just go with it. To fucking throw caution to the
wind and follow me blindly, to truly trust me. My dad never used to freak out about the
room before, only put the lock on it when the last bitch started really snooping around.
Christ, Nona used to fucking clean it all the time, so I didn’t see the harm in Isabella going
inside for a moment if she was with me. He trusted her anyway, he had to if he let her roam
in public and drive his fucking car. She wouldn’t see anything she didn’t already know
about anyway.
“Okay,” she said hesitantly after a moment, nodding. She walked over to where I was and
paused briefly before stepping inside the room. She stopped a few steps in and I walked in
behind her, putting my hand on her hip and leaning down to kiss the nape of her neck
softly.
“See, that wasn’t that scary,” I said playfully. She rolled her eyes and tried to elbow me, but
I moved out of the way, laughing.
“It’s not the room I’m afraid of, Edward,” she said. “It’s the man the room belongs to that
scares me.”
I shrugged. “You don’t have to be afraid of anything, Bella. I’ll protect you,” I said. She
gazed at me for a moment before smiling lightly.
“I know you’d try to,” she said. “But you can’t always be there to save me. You aren’t exactly
a superhero.”
“Says who?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. Her brow furrowed in confusion and I
chuckled. “Not about the superhero shit, Bella. Christ, I’m more like the fucking bad guy
than anything. I’m talking about me not always being there to save you. Why do you think
that?”
“Because you can’t be. You have your own life to live,” she said, shrugging. I laughed dryly,
shaking my head.
“Have you not fucking grasped the concept that you are my life now? There isn’t shit
without you. No reason to live if you aren’t with me,” I said shrugging. Her eyes widened in
shock as she gaped at me.
“You can’t say that, Edward. Even if something did happen to me, you’d have to go on
living. You couldn’t just give up,” she said, sounding almost fucking panicked. I shook my
head.
“It wouldn’t be giving up, Bella. It would be giving in. I think there’s a difference.
Regardless, it doesn’t matter. Nothings going to happen to you so there’s no fucking point
in dwelling on it,” I said, walking over to the closet and stepping inside. I glanced behind
me to see she was following, watching me curiously. I opened up the door leading to the
basement and her eyes widened slightly with surprise. “I may not be a superhero, but I do
have a batcave. And I may be mortal, but I’m not above killing a motherfucker before he
has the chance to hurt me or someone I love.”
She looked at me like she was about to argue but finally sighed, sounding resigned.
“Irrational and volatile,” she mumbled under her breath. I narrowed my eyes at her and she
smiled sheepishly at my expression, shaking her head. “So why are we in here?”
I stared at her for a moment, wondering what she thought was so irrational and volatile
about what I’d said, but finally decided to just drop it for the time being. “Do you
remember when my father’s associates visited from Chicago?” I asked. She looked at me
with an odd expression on her face, which confused me for a moment before it dawned on
me what I’d asked. Of course she fucking remembered that shit, goddamn James nearly
violated her. She would never forget that. “Yeah, stupid question, I know. The point is, that
first night when I stayed in your room I told you I’d teach you how to use a gun someday.
Well, that day is today, tesoro.”
She gasped and stared at me with shock. “You’re joking,” she said. I shook my head.
“Do I look like I’m joking?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at her. She shook her head no
hesitantly. “Okay, then. It’s always good to know how to protect yourself just in case,
because you really never know when you’ll need to. Plus, there’s nothing else to do and
Christ, do you know how fucking sexy you’re going to be, shooting a gun?”
She blushed and I chuckled. “Uh, okay… I mean, if you think it’ll be okay,” she started,
shrugging her shoulders and eyeing me cautiously. I could see her apprehension about the
situation, her worry that my father was going to flip out. I sighed and reached into my
pocket, pulling out my phone. I scanned through my contacts and dialed my fathers cell
phone number, bringing my phone up to my ear. I’d told him if I ever decided to take her to
shoot I’d be a fucking man about it and come to him first, so that’s what I was doing.
It rang a few times before the voicemail picked up. “Hey, I’m taking Isabella out shooting. I
tried to clear it or whatever, but you aren’t answering your fucking phone. So yeah, thought
you’d appreciate me telling you. See you whenever.”
I hung it up and slipped it back in my pocket, gazing at Isabella. She stared at me curiously
for a moment. “So, why exactly are we in this room?” she asked. I smiled.
“Targets. Extra ammunition. Safety shit, like ear protectors and glasses,” I said. She stared
at me and I smirked. “Depends on your mood, maybe a bullet proof vest for me.”
I chuckled as she blushed. “You know I’d never… you know… shoot you.”
I smiled and nodded. “Yes, I know you’d never shoot me, tesoro. Not intentionally,
anyway,” I said. “But come on, ladies first.”
She hesitated but took the last few steps over, gazing down into the entrance to the
basement. She paused and I reached out, taking her hand. She started down the steps after
a moment and I kept a hold of her, knowing the steps could be a bit narrow and tricky if
you weren’t used to them and I didn’t want her to go fucking falling or anything. She held
onto my hand tightly and stopped at the bottom of the steps, glancing around. I stepped
down off of the steps behind her and placed my hands on her hips, leaning down to kiss her
neck lightly.
“Terra di contrabbando,” I said. “Welcome to the land of contraband.”
She glanced behind her at me, looking apprehensive but I could see the curiosity in her
eyes. She was fucking intrigued at least—that was a start. “Contraband? So everything
down here is like, illegal?”
I shook my head and let go of her hips, running a hand through my hair. “No, not all of it is
illegal per se, but it’s all pretty fucking unsavory,” I said. I paused and glanced around at all
of the crates and boxes and chests sitting around. “This shit up here is mainly the alcohol
and drugs they import and push through the area,” I said, motioning around where we
were standing. She nodded, glancing around.
“There’s a lot,” she said, bringing her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on it. Her nerves
were shining through and I could tell she was slightly uncomfortable down here, and I was
starting to question whether or not this had been a fucking good idea. I didn’t want to
stress her out, but it was too late to question the shit now. She was already down here.
“Yeah, it is. Come on,” I said, nodding my head toward the space in front of us. I started
walking through the basement and she followed behind me for a bit, but froze the moment
the guns came into eye view. I turned around to look at her and saw she was gaping at the
wall, looking shocked and confused and frightened.
“Wow,” she said, sounding stunned. I sighed and nodded, starting to dig through some
boxes quickly looking for what we’d come down here for. I started pulling stuff out and
handing it to Bella, and she took it from me but wasn’t paying me a bit of fucking attention.
Her eyes were focused squarely on the guns, eyeing them like she was afraid one of the
motherfuckers was going to jump off the goddamn wall and start spraying bullets on its
own. With the way she was eyeing my fathers personal collection, there was no fucking way
I was telling her all of the crates that aligned the back wall were full of illegal assault
weapons. Dozens upon dozens of Colt AR-15’s, TEC-9’s, AK-47s, and Uzis, the deadly
motherfuckers that could spray hundreds of bullets a minute and take out anything in your
path.
“Yeah, what can I say? He loves his damn guns,” I mumbled. I walked over and opened a
cabinet, pulling out a box of bullets. “But like I said once before, you shouldn’t fear them.
They can’t hurt you, only people can.”
She finally tore her eyes away from them and glanced over at me. “Yeah, I remember. So,
uh, what else is down here?” she asked, glancing past me. I sighed and eyed her hesitantly.
“The dungeon,” I said quietly, unsure how she was going to take the fact that we practically
had a fucking torture chamber down here. She stared at me for a moment before nodding.
“Okay then,” she said simply, obviously not wanting to dwell on what the hell I’d just said.
Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. “Are we done?”
I could sense the anxiety in her voice but she was fighting to keep her composure and not
freak out. I nodded and we headed back up the stairs quickly, leaving the basement. I used
my foot and kicked the door back closed because my hands were full and walked over,
dropping the shit on the desk. Isabella followed me and put the stuff down that she was
holding, eyeing me curiously as I removed a painting from the wall. Her eyes widened with
surprise when she saw the safe on the wall that had been hidden.
“Wow, people really do that? I thought it was just in the movies,” she said, the curiosity in
her voice clear as day. I chuckled, shaking my head as she walked over to where I was
standing in front of the safe.
“Yeah, they really do it. My dad keeps his own personal shit in here,” I said.
“How does it work?” she asked, eyeing it peculiarly. I smiled at her and reached into my
pockets, pulling out the envelope of cash I’d gotten from Ben and my keys. I found the
small gold key and stuck it in the lock.
“You’ve gotta have both a key and the code to open it,” I said. I smirked, turning to look at
her. “The codes the same as the front door alarm. Remember what it is?”
She glanced over at me and paused. “62373?” she asked hesitantly. I nodded.
“Great fucking memory,” I said, feeling goddamn proud because other than the day we’d
gone to the store and I first told her the code, she’d never fucking used it before. She smiled
brightly, her expression echoing the pride I felt. I punched the code in the safe and turned
the key, the door clicking unlocked immediately.
I pulled the door open and a folder slipped out, hitting the floor and spilling out a bunch of
papers. I glanced down at it and sighed, irritated at the shit. I tossed the envelope of cash
into the safe and bent down, starting to pick the papers up when the word ‘Swan’ caught
my eye. I froze, glancing over the paper quickly, my heart starting to pound erratically
when I spotted the letters DNA written across the top.
“Baby, you wanna go up to my room and grab my book bag for all of our shit?” I asked,
snatching up the rest of the papers and standing up quickly before she could ask me what
the fuck I was reading. “Just dump my books out on the bed.”
“Uh, sure,” she said, giving me a small smile and turning, heading out of the room quickly.
I breathed a sigh of relief, clutching onto the papers in my hand tightly. My mind was
working fast as I was debating hard what to do. I wanted to fucking read it, I was desperate
to know what the fuck it said, but I knew there was a goddamn camera on me and my
father could easily watch it and likely would at some point.
The time was ticking away fast, my opportunity dwindling with every second that passed. I
said fuck it after a moment, my curiosity overriding my logic. I grabbed the paper with the
DNA test results on it, glancing down at it quickly. The only name written on it was “Swan,
I.” but there were four other subjects listed, simply labeled A, B, C, and D. It was a DNA
comparison with a chart and at first I wondered if it was a fucking paternity test. Like
maybe Charles wasn’t really her father and he was simply trying to figure out who the fuck
her father really was. But one section of the DNA chart was circled and “father” was written
on it in my own father’s handwriting, so it was clear Charles or whoever her fucking father
was had been pinpointed. There were three other circles on it and ‘distant match’ was
written beside them in a handwriting I didn’t recognize. Underneath two of them was the
word ‘grandfather’, which caught me off guard because she should only have one
grandfather. Her mother was a fucking slave, she didn’t have any blood relatives. Bella had
clearly told me that he mother was bought as a baby, her parents having been murdered. So
how the fuck did she have two grandfathers?
The last match simply had ‘distant relation – conclusive mtDNA’ written on it. I was
fucking kicking myself for not paying more attention in science class to that goddamn
lecture on DNA, but I was pretty sure mtDNA was linkage through the maternal side. So if
Bella had DNA hits through mtDNA, who the fuck was her mother really? She couldn’t just
be a damn slave. And whose fucking DNA was it being compared to? Because it was clear
from the chart that Isabella had four relatives, one being her father, two being
grandfathers, and the last being another relative through her mother.
I heard footsteps approaching and started to panic, putting the paper back into the folder
and shoving it back into the safe. I shut the door quickly, turning the key to relock it. I put
my keys back in my pocket and grabbed the painting, and was replacing it on the wall when
Isabella walked in.
I packed the backpack full quickly and told Isabella to put her comfortable sneakers on,
because we were going to be walking. She eyed me skeptically, her brow furrowed in
confusion.
“Where are we walking to?” she asked hesitantly. I smirked, shrugging.
“That meadow I told you about a few months ago, the one I found wandering the woods
years back. It’s so far off the path we don’t have to worry about bothering anyone,” I said.
Her eyes lit up with excitement, a big smile overcoming her face.
She ran off to get ready and I walked outside to the Volvo, opening the driver’s side door
and reaching under the seat. I pulled out the M1911 .45 ACP and slipped it in my
waistband, locking the car back up. I headed inside and met Isabella in the foyer, shoes on
and ready to go. I laughed at her obvious enthusiasm and we went into the kitchen,
throwing together some fucking sandwiches and wrapping them up for when we got
hungry, because it was a long fucking walk and the last thing I wanted was to fucking starve
to death along the way.
I put the sandwiches in the bag along with a few bottles of water before putting it on my
back. “You ready?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at her questioningly. She nodded and I
took her hand, leading her out the back and locking the house up. We headed out into the
woods, just strolling along and chatting, hand-in-hand and smiling. We looked like two
fucking love struck fools, but I guess when it came down to it that’s exactly what we were.
It was a long fucking walk, around five miles to be exact and took us almost two hours with
how fucking slow we were strolling. But it was worth it, because the moment we hit the
clearing Isabella gasped, a look of pure wonder overcoming her face. It was fucking
strange, but I’d always felt like walking into the clearing of the small meadow was like
walking into a bubble of peace, like every stress and worry and fucked up fact of life was
checked at the tree line and all you found inside was pure serenity. And I know I sounded
like such a fucking girl, like the goddamn pussy I was really feeling like these days, but it
was true. This had been my sanctuary for years, where I could finally find harmony. And it
was clear from Isabella’s reaction that stepping into the meadow had felt the same way to
her.
I shrugged the book bag off, dropping it to the ground, and walked up behind Isabella. I
wrapped my arms around her tightly, pulling her back into me, and she brought her hands
up to rub my forearms lightly. We stood there quietly for a moment, just absorbing the
silence and tranquility. The sun was streaming through the trees onto the meadow, adding
a bit of warmth to the area.
“This is beautiful,” Isabella said finally, her voice quiet. I smiled and kissed the top of her
head.
“Yeah, it’s nice. I used to come out here all the time to get away from everything, to just
fucking forget it all,” I said. She sighed and leaned back into me and we stood there for a
few moments longer, taking in the scene.
We eventually plopped down in the grass and just hung out, eating our sandwiches and
talking about bullshit. After awhile I stood up and grabbed the book bag, unzipping it and
starting to pull stuff out. Isabella eyed me skeptically as I walked across to the other side of
the meadow and set up a bull’s-eye target
I walked back over to where Bella was sitting and held my hand out to her, smirking. She
stared at me for a moment, looking nervous, before reaching out and taking my hand. I
helped her up from the ground and grabbed the book bag, leading her over to the side of
the meadow directly across from the target and facing it. I dropped the book bag at our feet
and stood behind her, positioning her body. I reached into my waistband and pulled out
the pistol, putting my arms around her and holding it in front of her. I explained the safety
and the bullets, telling her she had seven rounds plus one in the chamber. I told her about
keeping the gun steady and using her foresight to focus directly on her target, blocking
everything else out and going into almost a trance. I explained to her to grip the handle
tightly but to keep her finger relaxed as she pulled the trigger, to pull it smoothly.
She seemed to get it and I handed her the earmuffs and safety glasses, making her put the
fucking things on. I never used them but I wanted to make sure she was safe and didn’t
want her to fucking freak out over the noise of the gunshot. I had her all situated and lined
her up, telling her to focus on the bottom of the bull’s-eye and fire off a shot when she was
ready.
I took a step back and watched her as she stood there, aiming the gun. Her hands were
shaking lightly from nerves and I just stood back patiently, knowing it was going to take
awhile before she relaxed and could hold the gun still. She took a deep breath and squeezed
the trigger and I flinched back instinctively as she popped off her first round. The recoil as
she pulled the trigger and the cartridge expelling startled her, because like a fucking idiot I
hadn’t exactly explained those aspects to her, and she screamed pretty goddamn loudly and
nearly dropped the gun. Thankfully she kept her grip on it and it didn’t hit the ground, but
she glanced over at me, looking fucking frightened.
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, glancing over at the target. She missed that
motherfucker by a goddamn mile.
I walked over to her and put my arms around her again, lining her up to face the target. I
held the pistol firmly and put my finger on the trigger, telling her to put her hands on top of
mine. I aimed and squeezed the trigger, firing off a round that hit the bulls-eye straight on.
Isabella flinched but didn’t seem startled or frightened that time, I guess because at least
she fucking knew what to expect. I realized right away I’d done the exact same damn thing
to her with shooting as I had with driving—threw her into the shit straight on.
We fired off the rest of the rounds that way and she seemed to relax by the time all of the
bullets were expelled, not even flinching on the last one. She seemed to get what I was
doing and after I reloaded I asked her if she wanted to give it another try on her own. She
hesitated but nodded, bringing her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on it nervously. I
smiled and handed her the reloaded gun, completely ready to go. She lined herself up and
aimed, and I took a few steps back to give her some room. She paused and took a deep
breath, pulling the trigger. The round popped off and breezed by the target, almost hitting
it but her hands were still shaking lightly. She glanced over at me nervously and I gave her
a smile, nodding toward the target, silently telling her to do it again. She smiled and turned
back to the target, aiming and firing off another round.
The very last round she fired off finally hit the fucking target, coming damn close to the
bull’s-eye. I smirked and she gasped, her eyes going wide with shock that she’d actually hit
the damn thing. I chuckled and walked over to her, taking the gun and reloading it. I
handed it back to her and she smiled, her eyes twinkling with excitement. Now that she was
relaxed and her fear dissipated, she was actually fucking enjoying herself. I couldn’t even
begin to imagine how she fucking felt, wielding something so goddamn dangerous and
powerful after a lifetime of oppression. It had to be a big fucking rush.
I stood back and watched her as she popped off a few rounds, her aim getting a lot better
already as she grew more comfortable. She hit the target three times in a row, the third
time hitting the bulls-eye head on. She yelped excitedly and turned to face me, forgetting to
lower the goddamn gun in the process. She aimed the motherfucker right at me and I
ducked, throwing my fucking hands up protectively. It’s not like I could’ve stopped a
goddamn bullet had she squeezed the trigger accidentally, but it was a natural reaction to
having a pistol aimed right at me.
“Jesus Christ, Bella, watch what you’re fucking doing!” I yelled. I heard her gasp and
peeked at her, seeing her lower the gun immediately, her eyes going wide with fright.
“I’m so sorry,” she said quickly, sounding panicked. I sighed and dropped my hands,
shaking my head.
“It’s okay. Fuck, baby. You just don’t do that shit to people, though. Never aim a loaded gun
at anything or anyone unless you’re willing to shoot that motherfucker, you hear me?” I
asked, running a hand through my hair, my heart pounding erratically. My father was the
only other person to ever point a gun at me and I was confident he’d never shoot me, but I
wasn’t stupid. I knew Isabella could easily pull the trigger on accident and blow my fucking
head off. She nodded quickly.
“I didn’t mean it,” she said, still sounding panicked. I sighed and nodded.
“I know you didn’t. Like I said, I know you’d never do that shit intentionally, but you can’t
get carried away and lose your focus. This shit’s serious. Christ, maybe I should’ve fucking
worn that bulletproof vest,” I said. She nodded in understanding and blushed, looking
embarrassed. I stared at her for a moment as she gazed down at the ground, before turning
back toward the target. She raised the gun up to aim it and I immediately felt bad, because
that spark of enthusiasm she’d had was missing now. I didn’t mean to yell at her or lecture
her, but this wasn’t something to take lightly and she’d scared the fuck out of me getting
distracted like that.
She popped off a round, just barely hitting the target but smiling lightly to herself. I could
tell she was proud and trying to hold it in, not getting worked up and losing focus. I sighed
and walked over to her, coming up behind her. I placed my hands on her hips and she
jumped lightly at the contact, but tried to keep herself centered. She popped off the last few
rounds and lowered the gun, glancing back at me. I smiled and took the gun from her,
starting to reload it again.
I handed it back out to her and she took it, smiling sheepishly. I smirked and reached up,
pulling the earmuffs off of her. I tossed them on the ground beside us and lined her back up
to the target.
“Ah, la mia bella ragazza. You’re doing really fucking good, ya know?” I said, wanting her to
know that shit. She deserved to feel good about herself because she was doing a shitload
better than I expected her to do with target shooting the first time. She smiled widely, that
spark returning to her eyes almost instantly. She fired off a round and flinched, as it was a
lot fucking louder without the earmuffs, but she maintained her composure thankfully. I
put my hands on her hips and stood behind her, seeing the look of concentration and
determination on her face as she focused. I could feel her body tense up slightly in
anticipation, her muscles going rigid and her body vibrating as she popped off a round. The
pure force and power oozing from her and the confidence she was showing was fucking
sexy and I could feel my dick stirring in my pants as she fired shot after shot.
“So fucking sexy,” I said, leaning in and whispering in her ear. I placed a light kiss on her
earlobe without thinking and she whimpered, losing focus once more as a shiver ripped
through her. She squeezed the trigger, a round going off and echoing through the woods.
“Oops,” she whispered as birds started squawking, a commotion ringing out in the trees. I
started laughing and nuzzled into her neck, kissing her skin.
“My bad, tesoro. I shouldn’t have distracted you,” I said. “But in my defense, you really are
entirely too fucking tempting for your own good. Better the bird than me, anyway.”
She laughed lightly, lowering the gun. I took it from her and aimed it, popping off the last
few rounds quickly. They each hit the bull’s-eye and Isabella sighed exaggeratedly.
“Show off,” she muttered as I tossed the empty gun to the ground. I chuckled, wrapping my
arms around her and pulling her into a hug. She pulled the safety glasses off and tossed
them onto the ground, squeezing me back.
“Yeah, well, I’ve had a lot of fucking practice, love,” I said. She smiled lightly at me,
nodding.
“So I’ve heard,” she mumbled.
We stood there and hugged for a moment before I pulled away slightly, leaning down to
press my lips against hers softly. She parted her lips for me and brought her tongue out and
I kissed her deeply, tasting her sweet lip-gloss and minty mouth. Her lips were so soft and
warm, every inch of her welcoming.
I let my hands roam down her back, running them over her ass and squeezing her cheeks. I
pulled her to me, pressing my dick into her. She moaned when she felt it, the sound
increasing my goddamn arousal. “You gonna let me inside that pussy tonight, tesoro?” I
mumbled against her mouth, nipping at her bottom lip with my teeth. Yeah, so I wasn’t
always goddamn romantic, I was only seventeen for Christ sakes. My hormones still got the
best of me sometimes.
She pulled back from me and smiled sheepishly, shrugging as the blush crept into her
cheeks. She was still coy about the subject, the mention of it flustering her but thankfully
not making her uncomfortable. She seemed to fucking enjoy it at least and had actually
listened to me that day at the Inn, because she’d turned me down on more than one
occasion when I tried to go the whole way.
“Maybe,” she mumbled. I smirked and kissed her mouth again, because a maybe was
always better than a fucking no.
We hung out there for another hour or so, just laying in the grass and talking, before I
started gathering our shit up and putting it back in the book bag. I put it on and took her
hand, linking our fingers together as we set back off through the woods toward the house.
The five mile walk home was a lot fucking harder than I ever remembered the walk to the
meadow being, despite the fact that we chatted and joked around during the trip to divert
our attention. It took over two hours and my calves were fucking hurting, my muscles
burning from so much use. I used to run the fucking trails for hours to burn off steam so
walking ten miles at a fucking snails pace shouldn’t have been a big deal, but I was fucking
feeling it. It even seemed to bother Isabella, as she’d reach down and rub her calf every now
and then like she was trying to get a fucking knot out. It was clear I wasn’t the only one who
had gotten soft. She’d busted her ass her entire life and was used to her body being
mistreated and pushed to the extreme, so the past few months spent living a pretty fucking
docile existence had weakened her some. Don’t get me wrong, she was still the fucking
strongest girl I knew physically and in spirit, but she too had softened. I guess it went along
with her adapting to the outside world. You didn’t exactly have to be tough as nails to
endure a trip to the fucking grocery store and exchanging pleasantries with strangers.
By the time the house came into view the sun was starting to set and I was fucking
exhausted, about ready to goddamn collapse. We went inside and I plopped my ass down
on the couch, kicking my shoes off and grabbing the remote. I turned the TV on and started
flipping through channels while Bella headed into the kitchen. I heard her fumbling around
in the fridge and the microwave come on, and she returned a few minutes later with drinks
and plates of leftover pasta from the night before. We ate and snuggled up, watching some
TV for a while. The house fell into darkness and I felt my eyelids going heavy with
exhaustion.
“You wanna go upstairs?” I asked quietly. She hummed in response, nodding. I turned the
TV off and we both got up, slowly heading toward the stairs. I locked the house up before
we headed up, Bella telling me she was going to take a quick shower and change as she
headed into her room. I stripped and washed up myself, pulling on some boxers and a pair
of pajama pants. I laid down on the bed, yawning, my eyes starting to burn and desperately
wanting to close.
I heard the door open after a bit and looked over, seeing Bella walk in wearing what
seemed to be her favorite pair of fucking pajamas since she wore them more than the rest—
my football shirt and a pair of small black shorts. I didn’t complain though, as she looked
good in them. She had gorgeous toned legs, and what fucking guy doesn’t like seeing their
girl wearing their clothes? It was like branding her and shit.
She closed the door behind her and walked over to me, slipping in bed beside me. I rolled
her onto my side to face her, smiling.
“You look tired,” she said softly, reaching her hand out and running her fingertips down my
cheek.
“I am. How about…” I started, being cut off abruptly by a fucking yawn. She giggled and I
smirked, shaking my head. “Damnit, man. Anyway, how about we just get some sleep. I can
always hit that pussy tomorrow night.”
Her eyes widened and she reached over, punching me lightly. “Edward! That’s twice today
now, you know I hate that word.” I chuckled and shrugged. I only said the shit half the time
just to get a rise out of her now because her reactions could be pretty fucking amusing.
“I know, whatever. We’ll make love. Same shit. Whatever you wanna call it,” I mumbled,
yawning again. She smiled and blushed, the sight warming my heart. She was an amazing
woman, there was no doubt about it.
I wrapped my arms around her and she snuggled into me, sighing contently. I started
craving her warmth after a moment and pushed her up off of me slightly, pulling her shirt
off and tossing it on the floor beside the bed. I loved sleeping with her topless, her breasts
pressed against my chest, feeling her warm skin on mine. We slept that way most nights,
regardless of whether or not we’d been intimate.
Despite my exhaustion and heavy eyes, Bella managed to drift off to sleep before me. I had
a hard time shutting down my mind and getting over the image of Bella shooting the gun. It
was stunning how fucking in control she looked, how dominant and tough she came off as.
She was going to be a force to be reckoned with when she finally found the freedom she
deserved and was able to set out into the world and follow her dreams. I couldn’t wait to
see the shit, to watch her turn into the woman she was destined to be.
I also couldn’t seem to get that paper I’d seen in the downstairs office out of my mind. I’d
pushed that shit back all day, trying not to dwell on it so I could focus on Isabella, but now
that everything was quiet and the day was winding down I couldn’t seem to fucking stop
thinking about it. I knew the organization had access to DNA easily. Not only did they have
a doctor in their midst that could be fucking stealthy about taking samples, but I’d heard a
few years back that every person who is initiated is made to bleed. So they had access to
that shit personally, and on top of that they had people on the inside of course that could
get them into the federal DNA database CODIS to see someone’s DNA for comparison
purposes. So frankly, there was no fucking telling where the DNA came from, whether or
not they were even still alive. They could’ve died fucking decades ago for all I knew. There
was no way for me to tell who they hell the DNA hits were.
The moment that thought registered with me, I recalled a phone conversation my father
had a few months back, not long after Isabella arrived. We’d been watching that fucking
movie about Jimmy Hoffa and someone called him about some hits, and my father seemed
shocked, saying it wasn’t fucking possible and telling them to run it again. I remembered
that shit catching me off guard, because he usually was never so blatant when talking about
the traditional mob hits, which were murders. I realized he had to have been talking about
her DNA, nothing else made sense. Afterwards he asked Isabella if she knew anything
about the Swan business, and I recalled him saying he didn’t want those fucking hits made
public because of it starting a conflict. He was worried about it causing a goddamn mob
war.
I glanced down at Isabella’s sleeping form. Who the fuck was she, really? It was clear she
didn’t know, she thought she was just a simple slave child, but I was realizing she was a lot
more than that. She was clearly related to someone, and I wasn’t sure who it was, but I
knew it wasn’t something my father was taking lightly. He’d practically demanded I stop
looking for answers, spouting off that shit about losing me like he lost mom if I didn’t stop
it. Whoever she was related to was serious, and probably fucking powerful and my father
didn’t want that shit getting out.
The question was, why?
I went back and forth with the shit for a while before my body finally took control, blocking
out my mind and I fell into a deep sleep. I was woken up abruptly some time later to a loud
noise and I sat up quickly, glancing around with confusion. The room was still dark and I
wondered at once if maybe I’d been fucking dreaming again and the bang I’d heard was the
gunshot from the dream, but after a moment another loud bang rang out on the floor below
us, the sound of a door slamming. I tensed up and felt the bed shift, glancing over at
Isabella. It had obviously woken her up also, as she was sitting up and staring at me wide
eyed.
“What was that?” she asked, sounding panicked. I just stared at her for a moment, not
knowing the fucking answer, before glancing over at the clock to see it was 3am.
“I have no fucking clue,” I said. I pulled the comforter off of me and went to climb out of
the bed when I heard heavy footsteps start up the stairs leading up to the third floor.
Isabella’s panic increased as she stared at me and my heart started pounding erratically as
the footsteps descended upon us. I glanced around quickly and snatched up Isabella’s shirt,
throwing it at her and telling her to put it on. I was fucking kicking myself because in my
exhausted state I’d left the goddamn book bag downstairs with my gun in it.
The footsteps started down the hallway quickly, heading straight for my room. There was a
loud banging on the door after a second and I stared at it with shock, dread coursing
through my system as the knob turned and the door was pushed open roughly. Isabella
yelped, frightened, and pulled the shirt on quickly to cover herself up. I stared at the door
way, frozen and fucking panicking when I came face to face with my father. The look on his
face was intense, and even through the darkness I could make out the rage in his eyes. He
was pissed off and staring directly at me.
“Go to your room, Isabella,” he said sharply, not even bothering to look in her fucking
direction but he knew she was there. He wasn’t taking his eyes off of me and I felt the fear
coursing through me. This was bad, real fucking bad.
I glanced over at her after a second and saw she was practically paralyzed, staring at me
and looking damn terrified. I could tell she was worried and not wanting to leave me,
because she was confused about what was going on. I wasn’t exactly sure myself but I had a
sneaking suspicion it had something to do with what the fuck I’d looked at in the office
downstairs and if so, I didn’t want her to be here for that conversation. I nodded my head
toward the door, silently trying to tell her to go before my father got pissed off at her for her
reluctance and accuse her of being disobedient. I didn’t need this fucking situation
escalading further than it was bound to go.
“I said GO!” he snapped, finally looking away from me to glance at her. She yelped again
and jumped up quickly.
“Yes, sir,” she mumbled, bolting by him and out the door. As soon as she was gone my
father grabbed the door and slammed it closed, vibrating the walls with its force and
shutting the two of us inside together.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward?” he asked immediately. “Do you have a damn
death wish? Is that what this is?”
I just stared at him, knowing no matter what answer I gave he’d fucking snap at me so I
just figured I’d treat that shit as being rhetorical.
“I really thought you were smarter than this shit, son. I did. But in one damn day you
manage to show me exactly how immature and ignorant you really are. Did you honestly
think that bullshit you did today was a good idea? Seriously? You can’t be that fucking
dense,” he spat, shaking his head.
I tried to hold back my own anger but it was fruitless, because I hated fucking being yelled
at. “I fucking called you,” I spat with irritation. “It’s not my fault you didn’t answer your
goddamn phone.”
He narrowed his eyes, his anger flaring. “You called me? That’s all you have to say? You
fucking called me?” he snapped. “And what if I would’ve answered, what if I told you no?
What if I told you to keep her the fuck out of that room and to not hand her a gun? Would
you still have done it? Yeah, you would’ve. Because like I said, you’re immature and
ignorant and you can’t seem to get a grasp on shit. But you need to, you really fucking need
to, Edward.”
He paused, shaking his head. “And seriously, what the fuck has gotten into you lately?
What the hell are you playing at?! Do you realize you’ve spent nearly $20,000 in the past
two months?! What the fuck are you buying?”
He narrowed his eyes at me, eyeing me suspiciously, but I just stood there and tried to keep
a straight face because there was no way I was telling him where that fucking money went
to. Most of it had gone straight into the hands of my connections in Port Angeles, buying
shit my father didn’t need to know about.
“Fine, don’t tell me. But I’m not stupid. I know you’re up to something, I know you son. I
know you’ve got some fucked up plan in your head that you’re trying to execute, but I’m
telling you right now, whatever it is isn’t going to work. You need to stop it, and stop it right
this fucking minute,” he said sharply, his anger boiling up. I continued to just stand there,
knowing any response was just going to fuel him further, but there was no fucking way I
was stopping what I was doing. It was far too late for that shit.
“And give me your damn key, right now,” he said, holding his hand out. “Give me both of
them, the one to the room and the one to the safe. I don’t want you stepping a foot in there
ever again, you have no fucking business in there anymore.”
I reached over on the table and grabbed my keys, tossing them at him. He pulled the keys
off quickly and slipped them in his pocket, throwing the keys back at me. They slammed
me hard in the chest and I winced, rubbing the spot where the collided.
“I can’t believe you’d just fucking show her everything, even the damn safe, Edward. And I
know what the fuck you saw too, what you got from my safe and read. And I can’t even
begin to imagine what sort of bullshit is floating around in that head of yours, what plans
you’re concocting to find out who those people were. But I’m telling you right now, don’t
you dare fucking do it. I’ve been busting my ass trying to solve this situation without
dragging anyone else into it, and you single-handedly are fucking that up for me, son. This
shit is serious, these are people who will fucking kill you if they find out you have any
fucking knowledge about this bullshit Edward. You need to mind your own damn
business,” he snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose with irritation. He started pacing a
bit, mumbling to himself.
“I swear to God, if you weren’t turning eighteen soon and I knew I could get away with it,
I’d send your ass straight back to the academy tomorrow. I’ve already got half a mind to
fucking get rid of her,” he said with irritation. The moment he spoke the words my anger
rose up, just the thought of him sending her away causing my rage to spin out of control.
“You aren’t going to do a goddamn thing to her,” I snapped. “You’re going to leave her the
fuck alone.”
His eyes narrowed, his anger flaring. “Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what to
do? I’ll do any damn thing I want to with her. Christ, Edward, you barely even know the
fucking girl! You know nothing about her, know nothing about what the fuck you’re getting
yourself into! Have you not been fucking listening to me? You’re going to get yourself
killed! You may not give a shit about your life but I can’t let you fucking waste it away on
her. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure that doesn’t happen, even if it means making
her collateral damage. If I want to make her disappear, I’ll fucking make her disappear and
there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.”
I was so furious my hands were shaking and I clenched them into fists, trying to contain
myself but his words were driving me to the brink. The fucking nerve of him, to stand in
front of me and threaten her to my goddamn face. “Fuck you! I swear to God, I’ll fucking
kill you if you ever hurt her,” I snapped.
I saw the spark of rage as I threatened him and his nostrils flared as he clenched his own
hands into fists. We were both fighting to control our anger but both dangerously fucking
close to losing it. “Maybe you will, I don’t give a shit. In fact, I don’t doubt it. If I kill her,
you probably will fucking kill me. But at least then your mother’s Sole will still have his
light, even if the rest of us lose ours. It would’ve been fucking worth it to keep your stupid
ass alive, because your mother would’ve never wanted you to become a damn casualty to
this bullshit. You meant too much to her!”
“Don’t bring my fucking mother into this and use her as some goddamn excuse to justify
this bullshit! Isabella’s never done a damn thing to you, she doesn’t deserve you using her
as a fucking threat to me,” I snapped. “I fucking love her, and I’m going to be with her no
matter what. You need to just accept that and get the fuck over whatever your problem is.”
“I can’t!” he growled, taking a step forward toward me. “You don’t know what you’re doing,
the danger you’re putting yourself in. You’re just a damn child, Edward, you’re only
seventeen!”
“I may be seventeen, but I’m not a fucking child!” I yelled. “I know what I want, I know
what the hell I’m doing! I haven’t been a fucking child since I was eight and I got shot
because of you!”
“I didn’t get you shot, your damn mother got you shot! And you don’t know what you’re
doing, you have no clue what you’re getting yourself into. You have no idea the havoc
Isabella has wreaked on my life, what she has done to this family! Just look at us!” he
snapped, throwing his hands up. “Look what she’s causing!”
“She’s not causing any of it, you are!” I snapped. “All of this is your fault. How fucking dare
you blame my mother or Isabella for any of it! You’re the one that brought us into this
goddamn life, every single one of us! My mother and Isabella were fucking innocent
bystanders that got sucked into your bullshit! You paid money for her, for a fucking child,
and you wanna blame her for her circumstances? You’re fucking sick!”
“I was trying to fucking save her!” he yelled. “I’ve done everything I could possibly do for
that damn girl and none of it is enough. It’s just too much and it’s ripping this family apart,
putting all of us in danger. You’re getting sucked in further because of her. You don’t know
what Isabella has cost me, you don’t know how much I’ve suffered because of that little
bitch!”
The moment the word ‘bitch’ escaped his lips I lost it. I clenched my right fist tighter and
hauled my arm back, putting as much force into it as possible. I punched him straight in
the fucking mouth, and the moment my fist connected with his face a sharp pain shot
through my arm. He stumbled back a few steps, caught off guard and not expecting me to
hit him. It even shocked me, as I hadn’t even fucking thought about it, just reacted. I shook
my hand as the pain ricocheted through my knuckles.
“Don’t you fucking call her that!” I screamed, glaring at him. “And I swear to God if you
even think about doing something to her, I’ll take her and we’ll leave, and you’ll never
fucking see…”
Before I even realized he’d fucking moved, he was on me. He pushed me backwards and
slammed me into the wall hard, knocking everything off of the table beside my bed in the
process. The force of the blow knocked the wind out of me and I gasped, trying to get air.
He grabbed a hold of me and held me against the wall, the rage in his eyes startling me. I’d
never seen him look so enraged before, never seen such intense fire from him. I heard
footsteps and a commotion out in the hallway and the door was shoved open roughly.
“What the hell?” Emmett’s voice rang out. “What the fuck are you doing, Dad?”
He ran into the room and grabbed a hold of Dad’s shoulder, trying to pull him away from
me. It seemed to register with my father in that moment exactly what he was doing,
because a flash of shock crossed his face and he removed his hands from me quickly, like I
was on fucking fire and he was afraid of getting burned. He backed away from me, staring
at me almost with a horrified expression on his face. I knew once again the fact that I
looked like my mother had just saved my ass from being fucked up for hitting him. He
didn’t tolerate disrespect, and the worst form of disrespect imaginable was laying a hand
on him. If I hadn’t been his son and looked like the woman he loved, he probably would’ve
fucking killed me for punching him.
He brought his hand up and wiped his fingers across his lips, glancing down at them. He
was bleeding a bit from where I’d hit him, his lip busted open. He shook his head and
glanced over at me, obviously still quite fucking angry based on his expression but I didn’t
care. He’d deserved that shit. He had no right to say any of what he just said.
“Why can’t you just fucking trust me?” he asked, shaking his head. I laughed dryly.
“Why can't you give me a good fucking reason to?” I spat back, running a hand through my
hair.
“Trying to keep you safe isn’t a good enough reason?” he asked sharply, pissed off still. I
shook my head.
“My safety means nothing to me compared to hers,” I said. He groaned loudly and shook
his head.
“And you’d die for her?” he asked, sounding irritated.
I nodded with no hesitation. “In a fucking heartbeat.”
He stared at me for a moment, his gaze intense. “You’re too much like your damn mother
sometimes. I can see I’m wasting my time trying to get you to see logic. Throw your fucking
life away if you want to, but you don’t control hers. She stays exactly where she is until I say
otherwise and I mean it. You aren’t going any damn where with her.”
He turned and walked out of the door, heading for the steps quickly. “That’s what you
think. Just watch me, motherfucker,” I yelled. I stared at the spot he’d been standing as I
heard him slam a door on the second floor, reaching up and rubbing my chest from where
he’d shoved me. It was tender and I could already tell it was going to bruise.
I had no idea what the fuck had just happened, was even more confused about the entire
situation now than I was before I’d found that goddamn paper. The only thing I was sure of
was something fucking serious was going on and I didn’t like it a bit. I didn’t know why it
was so important to him that she stay put, why he felt our lives were in danger, but I was
sure now that he was a fucking threat to my little happy bubble I’d created. I wasn’t ready
for that motherfucker to burst… not yet.
He’d been insistent we not go away together but he was sadly about to be real fucking
disappointed if I got my way, because the minute I could talk Isabella into it, we were
fucking gone.
*****
Terra di contrabbando – land of contraband
Chapter 50 Tangled Web
“Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive.” -- Sir
Walter Scott
My footsteps faltered and I froze in the hallway when the door to Edward’s bedroom
slammed, the loud noise making me cringe as the walls vibrated from the force. My heart
was pounding so violently I could practically hear the blood rushing through me. My hands
were shaking and my vision was blurring with tears, the most intense dread I’d ever felt in
my life hitting me the moment I heard the yelling start.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward?” Dr. Cullen yelled. “Do you have a damn death
wish? Is that what this is?”
My eyed widened with shock and I turned around quickly, dizziness taking over and
blurring my vision even more. I felt sick to the stomach and grabbed onto the wall to
stabilize myself. Death wish?
“I really thought you were smarter than this shit, son. I did. But in one damn day you
manage to show me exactly how immature and ignorant you really are. Did you honestly
think that bullshit you did today was a good idea? Seriously? You can’t be that fucking
dense!”
Dr. Cullen’s yelling was slightly muffled from the barrier between us but the words hit me
clearly, nearly buckling me as I realized this was my fault. Dr. Cullen was in there yelling at
Edward because of me, because of what we’d done today. I knew I shouldn’t have gone
through with it, I should’ve told him no. I shouldn’t have followed him into that room,
despite his insistence that it was okay. I should’ve listened to that voice in the back of my
head that told me it was reckless and stupid. But he’d seemed so confident and I trusted
him and didn’t want to tell him no, I wanted to believe he knew what he was doing.
I wanted to follow him in everything and I realized now that was wrong. Dr. Cullen had
made it clear I couldn’t do that; I couldn’t just follow him blindly. He was irrational and
volatile, and I even recognized that myself earlier today, so why hadn’t it dawned on me
before now that I’d been making such a big mistake?
“I fucking called you,” Edward’s voice rang out, the anger clear. “It’s not my fault you didn’t
answer your goddamn phone.”
I tensed up even more and felt the tears start sliding down my cheeks. I’d caused this; all of
it was entirely my fault. If I’d just listened to Dr. Cullen, if I’d have paid him more attention
and followed his orders like I was supposed to none of this would be happening. Edward
wouldn’t be in trouble, Dr. Cullen wouldn’t be upset, and they wouldn’t be in there fighting.
They were family, they loved each other, and they shouldn’t have such hostility between
them. Dr. Cullen just wanted to protect Edward, he’d told me that himself, and Edward
needed his father. He’d already lost his mother—Dr. Cullen was the only parent he had left.
Dr. Cullen yelled some more but I could only make out half of it, as my tears and terror
were fogging everything over. I was frightened and saddened, unsure of what was going to
happen now. After a moment I heard Dr. Cullen yell something about getting rid of me, and
a sob escaped my throat, the tears coming harder as Edward snapped back. He told Dr.
Cullen he wasn’t going to do anything to me, practically demanding that he leave me alone.
“Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what to do? I’ll do any damn thing I want to
with her. Christ, Edward, you barely even know the fucking girl! You know nothing about
her; know nothing about what the fuck you’re getting yourself into! Have you not been
fucking listening to me? You’re going to get yourself killed!
“You may not give a shit about your life but I can’t let you fucking waste it away on her. I’ll
do whatever I have to do to make sure that doesn’t happen, even if it means making her
collateral damage. If I want to make her disappear, I’ll fucking make her disappear and
there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.”
I sobbed loudly and felt my knees give out, the terror rocking through me. Edward couldn’t
get hurt because of me, I couldn’t let him die! But Dr. Cullen couldn’t send me away either;
he couldn’t just make me disappear. Edward had clearly told me it would destroy him,
didn’t Dr. Cullen see that? Either way would hurt Edward and I couldn’t let that happen.
“Fuck you! I swear to God, I’ll fucking kill you if you ever hurt her,” Edward snapped, so
much rage in his voice that I gasped. I brought my hand up to cover my mouth as sobs
rocked me. This was getting out of control; Edward was threatening to kill his own father
because of me! I couldn’t let that happen, I had to do something.
They continued to shout back and forth and I pulled myself up from the ground, panicked.
I debated for a second before sprinting down the hallway, silently praying that my legs
didn’t give out on me and I didn’t tumble down the stairs. I hit the second floor and froze,
glancing around quickly, unsure of what to do. I glanced between Jasper and Emmett’s
doors for a moment before running for Emmett’s, tripping in my haste and slamming right
into it. I couldn’t bother to worry about the ruckus though, there were more important
things to worry about.
I started pounding on the door, yelling Emmett’s name. I wasn’t even sure if he was home
but I hoped so, because I didn’t know anyone else who would be able to help. Jasper would
try but he was too passive and I wasn’t sure he could diffuse such a tense situation. Emmett
was more abrasive and commanding. They might listen to him at least long enough for
them to realize they shouldn’t be fighting. They were family!
I heard Emmett yell something incoherently after a second, instantly feeling a bit of relief
but it disappeared quickly as the voices upstairs grew louder, so loud I could hear the yells
where I was. Emmett swung the bedroom door open and blinked rapidly, looking half
asleep and shocked.
“What the fuck is going on, Kitten?” Emmett asked right away as he swung the door open.
He froze when he saw me and blinked rapidly, looking shocked and confused. I realized I
probably looked like a mess, as I was sobbing and shaking, my composure completely gone.
“Did my fucking brother hurt you??”
I shook my head no frantically and opened my mouth to speak when the voice upstairs
grew even louder, Edward screaming, “You’re fucking sick”. Emmett’s brow furrowed and
he glanced past me toward the stairs. Before I could even attempt to explain what was
going on, Dr. Cullen started yelling and Emmett seemed to realize what was happening.
“Oh, fuck!” he yelled, his eyes wide with shock. “Damnit!”
He rushed passed me with alarm, nearly knocking into me but I jumped out of the way
quickly. He started for the steps and Jasper’s bedroom door swung open. I turned my head
to look at him and saw him standing in the doorway, looking half asleep and confused. He
stared at me and blinked a few times, much like Emmett had done. I considered staying to
try to explain, but Emmett was already heading upstairs and I was still in a panic.
I turned quickly and ran for the stairs, heading up them behind Emmett. Halfway up I
heard Dr. Cullen yell “…because of that little bitch” and I gasped, horror surging through
me. Emmett turned back to look at me and slowed momentarily, and after a second
Edward’s voice rang out.
“Don’t you fucking call her that! And I swear to God if you even think about doing
something to her, I’ll take her and we’ll leave, and you’ll never fucking see either of us
again…”
Emmett started running and cursing under his breath and I followed behind him, the tears
streaming down my cheek. There was a loud commotion in Edward’s bedroom and I froze
at the top of the stairs, terrified. It sounded like they were physically fighting for real now,
sounded like something was breaking or being thrown. Emmett cursed some more and
shoved Edward’s bedroom door open, bursting inside of it.
“What the hell? What the fuck are you doing, Dad?” Emmett yelled, disappearing from my
sight. I stood in spot, scared to go any further, afraid of what as going on. I was desperately
afraid to find out what the noise had been, afraid of what Dr. Cullen might’ve done to
Edward.
“Why couldn’t you just fucking trust me?” Dr. Cullen asked, still sounding angry. I heard
Edward laugh bitterly, the sound scaring me because of the hostility but oddly relieving me
at the same time. At least I knew he was okay. He spat something back about Dr. Cullen not
giving him a good reason to trust him.
“Trying to keep you safe isn’t a good enough reason?” Dr. Cullen asked.
“My safety means nothing to me compared to hers,” Edward snapped back. I felt the dread
brewing inside of me upon his words. He couldn’t think that, he couldn’t put my safety
before his. He was far too important to too many people to blatantly disregard his own life.
I was just a slave, I was used to danger. I’d survive, but even if I didn’t he had to because he
couldn’t go down like this for me. I loved him too much to let him really get hurt.
“And you’d die for her?” Dr. Cullen asked. I tensed up at the question.
“In a fucking heartbeat,” Edward said with no hesitation. A sob escaped my throat at the
answer, my hand coming up to cover my mouth as my body started trembling and the tears
streamed from my eyes. I felt a hand on me and jumped, gasping as I swung my head
around. Jasper was standing behind me and I stared at him wide eyed for a second before
he pulled me into a hug. He held me tightly and I cried into his chest, not holding back the
tears anymore. This was all wrong, all of it. None of this should be happening. I’d caused so
many problems; I was tearing their family apart.
“You’re too much like your damn mother sometimes. I can see I’m wasting my time trying
to get you to see logic. Throw your fucking life away if you want to, but you don’t control
hers. She stays exactly where she is until I say otherwise and I mean it. You aren’t going
any damn where with her,” Dr. Cullen snapped. Jasper sighed and squeezed me tighter,
quietly shushing me as I sobbed.
I heard footsteps and peeked out toward Edward’s room, tensing up and trying to quiet my
crying when I came face to face with Dr. Cullen. He paused beside us at the top of the
stairs, glaring at me. There was fire in his eyes, intense anger that frightened me. It looked
an awful lot like the rage I’d seen that afternoon in his bedroom.
“That’s what you think. Just watch me, motherfucker,” Edward yelled from his bedroom.
The rage in Dr. Cullen’s expression flared and he groaned with annoyance, the sound
almost a menacing growl. He shook his head and started down the steps quickly. A door
slammed on the second floor after a moment and I jumped, yelping at the sound.
“Calm down, its okay,” Jasper said quietly, squeezing me back to him. I wrapped my arms
around him, nuzzling into his chest. The tears were flowing freely and I couldn’t seem to
stop them, I couldn’t get a grip on myself. I used to have such great control over my
emotions but that had all changed. Everything had changed. I didn’t even know myself
anymore.
I heard Emmett and Edward’s voices in the bedroom but couldn’t make out what was being
said because they were speaking quietly. Jasper just held onto me and shushed me, quietly
trying to console me by telling me it was okay. I appreciated it and almost felt safe with
him, feeling his compassion, but he was wrong. It wasn’t okay.
“Is kitten okay?” Emmett’s voice asked after a moment. I pulled away from Jasper and he
loosened his grip on me. I glanced down the hallway and saw Emmett looking at me, worry
etched in his features. I nodded and reached up, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“FUCK!” Edward yelled. “Bella!” He ran from his room and froze beside Emmett, staring at
me wide-eyed. I was still trembling but tried to compose myself, fighting back the tears.
Edward was standing in front of me and he wasn’t harmed. It was over for now. I wasn’t
naïve, I knew this would have consequences, but for right now, in this moment, it was over.
“Come here, baby,” he said, walking over to me quickly and holding his arms out. Jasper let
go of me and I took a few steps forward. Edward wrapped his arms around me and I
nestled into him, feeling his familiar warmth and inhaling his unique scent. It was
comforting and safe, making me instantly feel at home. It was where I belonged.
“Christ, you didn’t hear that shit, did you?” he asked, squeezing me tightly and rocking me.
I nodded against his chest and he groaned. “Don’t you fucking pay attention to a word he
says, you hear me? Fuck him. I don’t give a shit what he thinks. Em and I got some shit
figured out, you and I are gonna go away in a few days, okay? We’re just going to fucking
get away from this bullshit and start over together.”
Dread rocked me again as he spoke the words and I pulled back from him quickly, gaping
at him. I shook my head no frantically, frightened at the prospect of him actually wanting
to run. I couldn’t let him do that; I couldn’t let him get in any deeper. “We can’t run,
Edward. There’s no way. We have to stay here.”
His brow furrowed. “You can’t be serious, not after what the hell just happened!” he spat,
the aggravation in his voice evident. “Did you not just fucking hear him? He threatened
your life! We can’t just fucking stay here!”
I stared at him, stunned by his anger. “But we have to,” I stammered, feeling my eyes well
up with tears again. I tried to fight them back, not wanting to cry anymore. I needed to be
strong.
“Why?” he asked sharply, eyeing me intently. I stood still for a moment, not even knowing
exactly how to answer that.
“Because we just have to,” I muttered, shaking my head. “We can’t just run from this, it
won’t go away. It’ll catch up to us, he’ll find us.”
He groaned, shaking his head. “No, he won’t find us. I’ve got that shit covered.”
My brow furrowed. “What do you mean you’ve got it covered?” I asked, immediately
wondering if he was really up to something. It seemed like Dr. Cullen was upset about more
than just me, did he think Edward was doing things behind his back? Was Edward doing
things?
“It doesn’t matter, just trust me. He’s not going to find us. But we have to go Isabella,
because you aren’t safe here,” he said with irritation. I sighed and shook my head.
“But you aren’t safe out there!” I said, panicked that he wasn’t dropping it. His eyes
narrowed at me, a flash of anger burning in them.
“I don’t give a fuck about that!” he snapped. I flinched back from his tone, pulling out of his
arms.
“Well, I do!” I yelled, glaring at him. I couldn’t take him treating his life so nonchalantly--
he couldn’t keep this up. He stared at me for a moment, looking stunned at the fact that I’d
yelled at him. I could see the anger in his expression and knew he was fighting it back,
trying to hold back his temper. He was dangerously close to losing his composure and
snapping at me.
“Uh, how about we all just take a deep breath here,” Jasper said behind me, his voice
catching me off guard as I’d forgotten he was even back there. I turned my head around to
look at him and Edward pulled away from me completely and took a few steps away to
pace, running a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, let’s just take a fucking step back here for a second,” Emmett said. “Let’s not be
hasty.” Edward froze and glared at Emmett, his brow creasing.
“But less than five minutes ago you fucking said…” he started. Emmett brought his hands
up defensively, looking at Edward pointedly.
“I know what I said,” he said. “I’m not contradicting that. I’m just saying chill the fuck out
right now. We’ll see how things go tomorrow or whatever, and if you need to go, we’ll make
sure you can fucking go. Okay?”
Edward sighed exasperatedly and another door slammed on the second floor, all of us
flinching at the sound. I heard footsteps heading downstairs and the faint sound of another
door slamming. “Fine, whatever,” Edward muttered, reaching up to rub his chest. “I really
need a fucking drink.”
Emmett smiled and reached over, slapping him on the back. Edward cringed at the contact,
pulling away from Emmett. “You do that, little bro. And I’ll get down to business.” He gave
me a smile as he walked past me, reaching over and rubbing my arm lightly. “I’m glad you
woke me up, Izzy Bizzy. Edward would’ve probably had his ass handed to him if you hadn’t.
Dad would’ve really fucked him up for punching him if I hadn’t walked in.”
I gasped the moment Emmett spoke the words. “He punched him?!” Jasper and I hollered
at the same time, both of us sounding shocked. I looked over at Jasper briefly, surprised,
and Edward groaned. I looked back over at Edward and saw him shake his head, running a
hand through his hair.
Emmett started laughing. “Jinx! And yeah he hit him, clocked him right in the mouth,” he
said.
“He fucking deserved it. He called her a bitch, and NO ONE calls her a bitch,” Edward
snapped, the rage in him escalading. He drew his arm back and punched the wall, a slightly
loud bang ringing out as he connected. The wall caved and his fist went right through it. He
cursed and I stared at the new hole in the wall as he pulled his hand out quickly, horrified
when I saw the blood on his hand.
“My God, Edward, you’re bleeding!” I said. He looked down at his hand and started
shaking it, flexing his fingers. I imagined it had to sting. He glanced over at me after a
second and shook his head, frowning.
“He calls you a bitch and threatens to kill you, and all you’re fucking worried about is me
shedding a little blood? Ridiculous,” he muttered, walking into his bedroom. I heard some
banging around and sighed.
“Don’t worry darlin’, it’ll work out, okay?” Jasper said softly. I glanced over at him and gave
him a sad smile, appreciating that he was at least trying to console me and make things
better. He returned my smile and reached over, rubbing my arm lightly.
“Yeah, relax. Get some sleep, we’ll figure it out tomorrow,” Emmett said. He nudged me
playfully, smiling, before turning and heading down the stairs. Jasper gave me one last look
before turning and following his brother. I hesitated, watching them disappear, listening to
the ruckus in Edward’s bedroom. I turned around when they were out of sight and slowly
walked back into Edward’s room. I froze right inside the doorway, my eyes widening with
shock at the disaster.
The table beside his bed was completely wiped off and Edward was tossing stuff around,
grumbling to himself. He finally grabbed something from the floor and I realized after a
second it was his keys. He shifted through them and walked over, opening up his desk
drawer. He reached inside and grabbed a bottle of liquor, opening it quickly. He brought
the bottle up to his lips and tilted it back, gulping some of the clear liquid down. He
grimaced after he pulled the bottle away, making a grunting noise.
He kicked the desk drawer eventually, shutting it roughly with his foot. He ran a hand
through his hair and walked over, plopping down on the couch. He stared down at the
ground in the darkened room and I watched him curiously as he brought the bottle back to
his lips.
I sighed after a moment and walked over toward the bed, crouching down and starting to
pick up everything that had been knocked over. I grabbed the alarm clock that had been
ripped from the outlet and plugged it back in, setting it back down on the table. I tried to
set it but had no idea what I was doing and ended up giving up with it still flashing. I
grabbed the picture frame from the floor and winced at the stabbing pain that shot through
my finger. I sat it down on the table and pulled my hand away, noticing the drop of blood
on my finger.
“Christ, Bella, you’re fucking bleeding,” Edward said, his close proximity startling me. I
turned my head and saw him standing behind me, glancing over my shoulder. He sat his
bottle of liquor down and reached out, trying to grab a hold of my hand to look at my cut.
Before he could though I pulled away from him, sticking my finger in my mouth so he
couldn’t see it. It was immature of me and I nearly gagged at the disgusting salty taste, but
he was being hypocritical. He’d snapped that I worried about him bleeding, but here he was
doing the same to me.
“You broke the picture of your mother,” I mumbled, turning away from him. I pulled my
finger out of my mouth and started grabbing more stuff off of the floor, trying to put it
where it went. Edward groaned loudly and I turned my head to see him pull his foot back,
thrusting it forward and kicking his desk roughly. I cringed away from the banging noise,
his anger scaring me a bit.
“Would you just stop it, Bella?” he snapped, reaching down and snatching something out of
my hand. “Just fucking stop!”
I flinched back from him and felt my eyes welling up with tears. I turned away from him,
trying to fight it back, and started picking the rest of the stuff up. I didn’t know what else to
do, he was scaring me, and the room was a disaster. He groaned again and I peeked in his
direction to see him snatch the bottle of liquor from the desk where he sat it. He flung it
hard at the wall and it shattered, glass and alcohol spraying everywhere. I cried out,
frightened, and felt a tear slip down my cheek. Edward turned to look at me, the annoyance
in his face clear but dissipating the moment his eyes fell on me.
“Shit, you’re crying! Damnit! I shouldn’t fucking be yelling at you, none of this is your
fault,” he said, running a hand through his hair once more with aggravation.
I sighed, shaking my head. “It is my fault. I’m tearing your family apart, Edward,” I said,
feeling the tears falling from my eyes, unable to stop them.
“This family was torn apart when my mother was killed,” Edward said quietly, walking over
to me. He crouched down beside me and pulled the notebook I had in my hands away from
me, tossing it onto his desk. I glanced at him and he sighed, reaching out and brushing the
tears from my cheeks. “So unless you plan to take credit for that, you can drop that
bullshit.”
I stared at him for a second and he stared back, his gaze intense. He reached up and
brushed more tears away after a moment, sighing. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. I nodded
hesitantly.
“It’s okay,” I mumbled. He stared at me a moment longer before shaking his head.
“It’s not, but it will be,” he responded with. “Come on, let’s just lay down and get some
sleep, alright?”
I sighed and nodded, standing up. I crawled into bed and Edward laid down behind me,
pulling me into his arms. He draped his right arm over me and I brought my hands up,
stroking his forearm and hand gently. I ran my fingers along his cuts and swollen knuckles,
the guilt running rampant through me. No matter what Edward said or how he might feel, I
still felt like I’d caused it.
I didn’t sleep much. Edward was in and out of consciousness, his sleep broken and restless.
He mumbled all night long, thrashing around with nightmares. I watched him curiously,
my guilt and sorrow growing as the night wore on. He was distressed and so troubled, and
despite how well things had been going the past two months it was clear he wasn’t whole.
Neither one of us were. We were still two very broken people who were trying to do what
we thought was for the best, but it was obvious neither of us really knew exactly what that
was.
Sometime later I gave up on trying to find rest and climbed out of bed, slipping out of the
bedroom and heading over into my room. I stripped and hopped in the shower, standing
under the hot spray of water for what felt like an eternity. I shut the water off eventually
and climbed out, wrapping a towel around me and heading back into the bedroom. I pulled
some clothes on, not really caring what they were, and glanced over at the alarm clock. 5
am on the dot.
The fact that this was the time Charles always demanded we get up for the day in Phoenix
didn’t escape me. I immediately wondered what my mother was doing, if things were the
same for her. Did she still spend most of her days outside in the garden? Did Jane take her
anger out on her now that I was gone? Did Charles still assault her as punishment? I
wondered if she thought of me as much as I thought of her… was she thinking of me right
now as she got up for her day?
I headed out of the bedroom after a moment and started downstairs, half in a daze. I went
straight into the kitchen and started pulling things out for Easter dinner. I started cooking
at once, just going through the motions like I’d been taught to do. I glanced out the window
briefly at one point as the sun was rising and noticed the black car was gone, which meant
my master wasn’t even home. I briefly wondered if there was really even a point in cooking
a big dinner but pushed the thought aside and continued on, knowing the boys would eat it
and appreciate it at least. Besides, who was I to be making decisions that affect others?
The morning flew by quickly and morphed into afternoon, afternoon eventually shifting
into early evening. All of the boys woke up and made their way downstairs around noon,
each of them somber in their own way. There was a tension lingering in the house but I
couldn’t be bothered to really deal with it. I was exhausted, my lack of sleep really starting
to take its toll. I was zoned out, almost in a fog. The boys spoke to me and I responded
almost instinctively, the words coming from my lips without my brain really connecting
and considering a true answer.
At one point I accidentally called Edward ‘sir’, which resulted in him shouting obscenities
throughout the house for at least twenty minutes, throwing things around. I apologized to
him, told him I hadn’t meant it, but he said that was half the problem. I was just going
through the motions and didn’t mean anything I was doing. He told me to stop acting like a
slave… but I couldn’t seem to shake it. What did he expect? I was a slave.
I was standing in front of the stove throwing the ingredients together to make some
homemade biscuits and Edward was leaning against the counter beside me, staring at me
intensely. I likely would’ve been nervous at his attention if I hadn’t been so out of it, but
because I was I simply just repeatedly asked him if he needed something. He’d shake his
head no each time I asked and just continued to stare at me, watching me cook. Emmett
bounded into the room and reached by me, grabbing one of the devilled eggs I’d made. I
glanced at him briefly but went back to getting the biscuits ready.
“You feeling alright today, Isabella?” he asked, popping the egg into his mouth. I glanced
back at him and nodded.
“Yes,” I said simply, turning back to what I was doing. He stood beside me for a moment,
eating his egg, before sighing.
“Okay. Because I just stole some food and you didn’t whack the shit out of me. That’s not
like you,” he said. I simply shrugged, that fact not even really registering with me at the
moment. I usually always got on Emmett when he snuck food before it was ready.
“She’s on fucking autopilot today,” Edward chimed in with, irritation in his voice. “Not
herself at all, I don’t even recognize her right now. Happy fucking Easter to me.”
I glanced over at him, narrowing my eyes slightly. He cocked at eyebrow at me, his
expression practically imploring me to say something, begging me to have a comeback. I
stared at him for a moment before turning back to what I was doing, not even having the
energy to get into it.
“Give kitten a break, she’ll snap back. Anyway, I think I cracked the shit, it’s giving me a
fucking headache but I’m pretty sure I got it figured out. It took me awhile to figure the
code out to get into it but I got it reprogrammed to the other one now,” Emmett said. I
looked over at him with confusion, unsure of what he was talking about but the word ‘code’
spiked my suspicion.
“What code?” I asked. Emmett turned around to look at me and Edward groaned.
“Oh so now you wanna be fucking responsive?” he asked. I rolled my eyes and turned back
away, annoyed at his attitude.
They were both quiet for a second before Emmett said he was going to go finish doing
whatever he was doing. He departed and I turned to Edward, sighing. “Please don’t do
anything stupid,” I said, eyeing him cautiously, hoping the code had nothing to do with
anything of Dr. Cullen’s or the situation. Edward laughed dryly, shaking his head.
“Staying here is the stupidest thing there is and I’m doing that shit because of you, so make
up your fucking mind,” he grumbled. His words stung a bit and I looked away from him,
focusing back on the food. He stood quietly for a moment before pushing away from the
counter, coming up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and leaned down, kissing
my neck softly.
“I’m an asshole,” he mumbled, his lips against my skin. I could hear the remorse in his
voice but I couldn’t be bothered to disagree with him like I usually did when he said things
like that. I understood him, I knew why he acted the way he did, but in my drowsy foggy
state I couldn’t muster the energy to even attempt to make him feel better about it. He was
being an ‘asshole’.
He held onto me for a bit, kissing on my skin in what I assumed was an attempt to try to
smooth over the strain between us. Naturally my body responded to his touch as it usually
did, goose bumps popping up across my flesh as tingles surged through me. I closed my
eyes and leaned back into him as he kissed on me and touched me, feeling his warmth and
comfort, but even then there was a disconnect. My body was alert, every inch of it
awakened by him, but my mind… my mind was still clouded over.
There was a faint sound after a moment and Edward cursed. My eyes snapped open and I
glanced up, my eyes falling on the black car pulling up outside. Edward pulled away from
me and practically sprinted from the kitchen, heading up the stairs. I stared out the
window as the car came to a stop and shut off, a bunch of different emotions swirling inside
of me. I was most definitely frightened and nervous; unsure of what he was going to do or
say and how he was going to act toward Edward or me.
Edward came flying back down the steps after a moment, around the same time Dr. Cullen
stepped out of the vehicle. He glanced up toward the house, his eyes falling on me almost
instantly. His expression was blank so I couldn’t get a read on his mood, but that was
nothing new with him. The only predictable thing about Dr. Cullen that I could pinpoint
was the fact that he was usually always unpredictable.
Edward walked back in the kitchen, heading right over to me. He wrapped his arms around
me and pulled me back to him tightly, almost protectively. Dr. Cullen closed the car door
and I sighed, reaching down and putting my hands on Edward’s arms around me.
“You’re up to something,” I said, knowing it was the truth. The fact that he’d bolted
upstairs when he saw Dr. Cullen was home was enough to confirm my suspicions. He was
doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing, something that could make everything
even worse. The ‘code’ him and Emmett spoke of reminded me of that conversation in the
kitchen when Emmett had asked to see the spot where the chip had been inserted in me. I
had a feeling they were trying to disrupt the chip so we could run, after all… especially after
last night, when Edward had been confident Dr. Cullen wouldn’t ever find us.
“Aren’t I always?” Edward said. I shook my head.
“You told me you’d stop, that you’d leave it alone,” I said with frustration, hurt that he’d do
this after telling me he wouldn’t. He’d lied to me or at the very least misled me and I never
wanted to think Edward would knowingly lie to me. He was supposed to be my safe spot,
my small piece of honesty in such a cruel world.
“I also told you I’d put your safety above what it was you wanted, that I’d look out for you,
and that’s exactly what I’m doing,” he said.
“Why’d you hide it from me?” I asked, clearly remembering him telling me that on New
Years after I told him I appreciated that he’d do that. I had no idea at the time that it would
have this negative effect. It still didn’t discount the fact that he’d kept secrets from me
when we weren’t supposed to have secrets, though, even if his intentions were good. I knew
it was hypocritical of me because I kept things from him and I realized in that moment that
we were doing the exact same thing. We were both keeping secrets and hiding things from
each other in an attempt to keep the other safe.
“Because you would’ve straight up asked me to stop if you knew and I wouldn’t have been
able to say no to you,” he said.
“Will you stop? Please?” I asked, panicking slightly as the front door opened. Edward
sighed.
“It’s too late. It’s already done,” he said. I felt my fear surging as the front door closed. Dr.
Cullen paused inside and I saw Emmett and Jasper start down the stairs toward the foyer.
They nonchalantly greeted their father and Dr. Cullen said hello back, the sound of his
voice making the queasiness boil up in the pit of my stomach. I turned back to the food
quickly to finish it up and Edward loosened his hold on me so I could, but he didn’t let go of
me completely. He kept a hand on my hip and I realized then that he was planning on
pushing boundaries, that Dr. Cullen’s request of no flaunting was thrown out the moment
he threw that bedroom door open last night.
There was a brief silence, no words were spoken but the tension in the house escaladed as
footsteps entered the kitchen area. I just stood there, working on the food, my hands
trembling slightly as I clutched onto the wooden spoon. I could feel Edwards hand on my
hip start to move as he gently started rubbing circles with his thumb, trying to soothe me as
he could likely sense my fear.
“Let me see your hand,” Dr. Cullen’s voice rang out, closer than I anticipated him to be. I
jumped slightly and Edward’s hand gripped my hip tighter.
“Excuse me?” Edward said, a bit of anger in his voice. Dr. Cullen sighed.
“I said let me see your hand. It has to be sore. You put too much stress on your fourth and
fifth fingers when you connected, I’ll be surprised if you didn’t fracture them,” Dr. Cullen
said.
“Fuck you,” Edward snapped.
“Just let him look at your hand and get it over with,” Jasper said. Edward stayed tense for a
moment before pulling his hand from my hip. I turned around hesitantly and saw him hold
it out to his father, a look of pure aggravation on his face. He didn’t like this a bit. Dr.
Cullen’s expression remained blank as he eyed Edward’s hand and I saw Edward wince a
few times as his father pressed on his knuckles and fingers. I noticed there was a cut on Dr.
Cullen’s mouth, his bottom lip swelled slightly from where Edward hit him.
“You couldn’t have done all of this just popping me in the mouth,” Dr. Cullen said after a
moment. Edward groaned and pulled his hand away from his father quickly.
“Like I said, fuck you,” Edward mumbled. I frowned and glanced at Edward, wishing he’d
calm down a bit because Dr. Cullen seemed calm at least and I didn’t want Edward’s
attitude to infuriate him.
“He put his fist through the wall,” Emmett chimed in with. Dr. Cullen stared at Edward for
a moment before shaking his head.
“Irrational and volatile,” Dr. Cullen muttered, the words putting me on edge because I’d
said the same two exact words the day before to Edward. Edward’s eyes narrowed slightly
and he turned his head to look at me, eyeing me curiously. He obviously just had the very
same thought run through his mind. I turned away from him quickly and started throwing
the food on platters, as it was all pretty much finished.
Dr. Cullen walked from the room after a moment and Edward started muttering under his
breath about how he knows how to punch. I went to start carrying the food to the table but
Emmett stopped me, taking it from me and doing it for me. I thanked him quietly and he
told me I was welcome. Jasper helped him set everything up and when it was all ready he
went to retrieve his father. They all started toward the table and I hesitated in the kitchen,
nervously chewing on my bottom lip. Edward paused and glanced at me, obviously
wondering why I wasn’t going with him.
“Come on, Isabella,” he said, holding his hand out to me. I stared at him for a moment,
contemplating, before walking over and taking his hand. I wasn’t sure if that was wise and
stupidly I was just following him blindly again, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Edward
was consuming me, every inch of my heart and body and soul, and in my fogginess I
couldn’t deny him what he asked of me. He led me into the dining room and pulled a chair
out for me, nodding his head for me to sit down. I thanked him quietly and he sat down
across from me as he usually did. We all grabbed food and filled our plates, and Dr. Cullen
said a blessing quickly like he always did at dinner.
The tension seemed to mount with every second that ticked by, as no one spoke a word for
quite some time. The only sounds that could be heard were that of silverware clattering and
chairs shifting slightly. I’d always heard the expression ‘the tension was so thick, you could
cut it with a knife’, but it wasn’t until sitting down for Easter Dinner with the Cullen’s that I
understood what that meant. Things were so tense it was almost unbearable and
suffocating.
I could tell I wasn’t the only one feeling it, because I glanced around the table and saw
everyone else fidgeting uncomfortably. No one wanted to be here at this table, none of us
wanted to be enduring this tension or having to deal with the situation. But it was
inevitable at this point, it couldn’t be avoided. The wheels had been set into motion and I
wasn’t sure exactly what Edward had done, but what I was sure of was it was too late to go
back. It had to be dealt with now. The elephant in the room had to be acknowledged before
it trampled us all.
I heard a fork clang loudly after a moment and all of us glanced over at Emmett, seeing
he’d thrown his silverware down. His food was nearly untouched, which for Emmett was
unheard of.
“I can’t take this shit anymore,” he said, shaking his head. “We need a fucking intervention
or to get a damn mediator or something, because this can’t go on. It’s messing up my
appetite here.”
No one spoke for a moment, just stared at him. He glanced around at us, sighing. “No one
has anything to say about that? Do I have to play Dr. Phil again?” he asked, his eyes falling
upon me. The corner of my mouth lifted up slightly at the reference, remembering when he
did that to me.
“I don’t think even fucking Dr. Phil could help us,” Edward said, shaking his head and
pushing his food around on his plate. Emmett sighed.
“Well, we’ve gotta fucking do something here. We’ve gotta clear the air. Hell, we need to
have a family sit-down like they do in the mafia,” he suggested. Dr. Cullen laughed dryly.
“You know nothing about Borgata sit-downs son,” Dr. Cullen said, shaking his head.
Emmett shrugged.
“You’re right, and I really hope to never find that shit out for real. But regardless, we’re
going to have our own version of it. We need to hash this out and we need to do it now, and
no one leaves this damn table until we have this shit figured out and get some kind of
fucking answers,” Emmett said.
Edward just sat quietly and Dr. Cullen sighed, shaking his head. “There are simply some
questions I can’t answer,” he said. Edward groaned and rolled his eyes and Emmett sighed.
“That’s fine, I get that. If you can’t answer something, just tell us you can’t answer it. Plead
the fucking 5th, whatever. It’ll be good practice for the next time to cops haul your ass in, at
least,” Emmett said, shrugging. I looked at him with surprise and caught sight of Dr.
Cullen, surprised to see the corner of his lips turn up into a smile. He got rid of it quickly,
returning to his blank mask. “But this shit can’t keep going like its going, you’ve gotta
fucking give us something here Dad before this entire thing implodes on our asses. This
tension isn’t just affecting Isabella and Edward; it’s fucking up the vibe in the whole
house.”
Dr. Cullen sat quietly for a moment, staring down at his plate and appearing deep in
thought. My anxiety was increasing and I sat my fork down after a second, because my
hand was shaking and I didn’t want anyone to notice. Dr. Cullen finally nodded.
“Fine, family meeting then,” he said simply. The words he used struck me as odd and I
immediately wondered if I should leave. I wasn’t exactly a part of their family.
“Uh, I should go then,” I said at once, slightly panicked. I pushed my chair back and stood
up quickly.
“Sit down, Bella,” Edward said, standing up and glaring at me. “This shit involves you too.”
I froze and stared at him for a moment, unsure of whether to go or stay.
“Yeah, you’re just as much family as the rest of us,” Emmett said. “You’re like my little
sister now, so sit your ass back down.”
I stared at Emmett with shock for a second before turning to look at Dr. Cullen. I saw he
was staring at his son, also looking surprised. It was obvious by his expression that he’d
definitely anticipated me not being there for their family meeting either. He turned to look
at me after a moment, his gaze intense.
“Take your seat, Isabella,” he said finally. I stared at him briefly before nodding and sitting
down carefully. I folded my hands in my lap and glanced down at them, quite nervous
about what was to come. Based on what I’d heard last night and the things Dr. Cullen had
told me to my face sometimes, I wasn’t exactly sure I wanted to hear what he had to say
that pertained to me.
“Alright, then. This is what we’re going to do. We’re all adults here. I mean, Edward and
Isabella may still be underage but I think we can all fucking agree they’ve been through
enough shit that they aren’t exactly kids and shouldn’t be treated like they are. So, we’re
going to ask our questions and talk this shit out like the men we are,” Emmett said,
glancing around at us. He froze with his eyes on me and smirked. “Well, four men and a
chick. You know what the fuck I mean.”
I smiled lightly at him but kept my mouth shut. I had no intention of involving myself in
this situation at all. It was bad enough I was going to be present for it.
“Fair enough,” Dr. Cullen said. Jasper and Edward both mumbled agreements and they
looked at me, obviously waiting on me to agree also.
“Okay,” I mumbled, feeling the blush rise into my cheeks at their attention. I wasn’t
comfortable at all.
“Good. I’ll start,” Emmett said. “What’s your problem with Isabella?”
My eyes widened with shock at Emmett’s question and I glanced at Dr. Cullen quickly,
afraid of his answer. I saw he was staring at Emmett, his expression still emotionless.
“What makes you think I have a problem with her?” he asked after a moment. Emmett
sighed and Edward laughed dryly.
“Maybe because you fucking threaten her?” Edward snapped.
“Hey, didn’t I just damn say we were gonna act like men?” Emmett rattled off. “Calm the
hell down. There’s no yelling in my fucking sit-downs bro.”
Edward grumbled under his breath but stopped talking, crossing his arms over his chest
and leaning back in his chair.
“That’s better,” Emmett said, turning back to his father. “Maybe because you fucking
threaten her?” he stated, his tone a lot less hostile than Edward’s as he repeated the
statement. Dr. Cullen sighed and shook his head.
“Look, I have no problem with the child as a person and I’ve told Edward this. The first
time I came across her she barely reached my knee and she managed to charm both your
mother and I. She’s a nice girl,” he said, shrugging. My brow furrowed in confusion at his
statement, the fact that he was saying he didn’t have a problem with me personally.
“But you said…” I started, before I realized I was even speaking. I shut my mouth quickly
and glanced around, nervous that I’d just spoken out in the middle of their meeting.
Everyone else seemed just as surprised at my outburst, obviously not expecting me to
actually be brave enough to participate. But my mind was still foggy, everything seeming
almost surreal and I wasn’t thinking straight.
“I said what?” Dr. Cullen asked after a moment, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I
stared at him, unsure of whether or not to really continue with what I’d been about to say. I
didn’t want him to think I was trying to call him a liar or anything, I was just confused.
“Just be out with it, child.”
I sighed. “When those men visited from Chicago, the guy that you said was your boss asked
you if I was personally worth it and you said no.”
He seemed surprised by what I’d said and gazed at me for a second before nodding. “You’re
right, I did,” he said. “And I can’t take that back because to me on a personal level, you
aren’t. That doesn’t mean I despise you, though. If you recall that, you should also recall me
praising you afterwards.”
I nodded hesitantly. “You said I was a good slave,” I mumbled. He nodded.
“So if you don’t hate her, then what’s the big deal about her and Edward being together? I
mean, if they love each other and make each other happy, why can’t you just let them be?”
Jasper asked. Dr. Cullen shook his head.
“Because there are complications they don’t understand, that’s why. Yes, they love each
other and that’s great. I didn’t realize until my son punched me exactly how deep that love
was to be honest, but love is never a bad thing. I want them both to find happiness, I’m not
heartless. But there are things they don’t know that can get them both hurt if they don’t
cool it and stop acting so rash and drawing attention to themselves,” he said. “I’ve told
them both they can be together for the time being if that’s what they want; they just need to
watch themselves.”
“Can you not see how fucking unfair that is?” Edward asked. “We can be together ‘for the
time being’? What the hell is that supposed to mean, anyway?”
“It means until I figure things out I can’t give you any guarantees on the future,” he said
simply. Edward groaned.
“What things?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at his father. Dr. Cullen just stared at him,
not answering. “Fine. Don’t answer that, I can figure it out myself. Just tell me, who the
hell is she related to?”
My brow furrowed in confusion at the question. “I can’t…” Dr. Cullen started, shaking his
head and pausing. “I can’t tell you that, because if they find out you know, you’re going to
be hurt. I need you to understand that, all of you. I know what you saw on that paper
Edward, but I need you to forget about it. I should’ve known better than to leave it in the
safe, but I didn’t know what else to do with it. I couldn’t carry it with me and I didn’t want
to leave it lying around, so I put it in my personal safe because I figured you had no damn
reason to go into it and you knew there was a camera in there so I figured you’d be smart
enough to not ever dare snoop in there. I should’ve burned it or shredded it, something, but
I’ve been so frazzled lately dealing with work and all of this extra bullshit that I’m making
mistakes, which I never do. But I’m doing it now and it’s dangerous, and you’re only
making it all even more dangerous by involving yourself.”
He paused and reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Her father is common
knowledge, everyone knows her father is Charles Swan, and from that everyone knows
Charles Sr was her grandfather. But no one knows those other two hits and no one can
know. One of them is dead, but the one that’s alive will not hesitate to take me out if he
finds out I knew and didn’t tell him. And if you know and he finds out and you didn’t tell
him, he’ll kill you too.”
I stared at him in shock, completely stunned. I had relatives? Not only relatives, but ones
that would kill over me? And how in the world had Edward known this, what paper did he
read in the safe? Was that what had really set Dr. Cullen off last night, the fact that Edward
was still snooping? I couldn’t believe he’d have the nerve to do such a thing, what had
gotten into him? Lying to me, snooping knowing his father would catch him? That was
beyond just being irrational, he was being downright reckless!
“Why don’t you just tell him?” Jasper asked, his brow furrowed. Dr. Cullen sighed, shaking
his head.
“Because he’ll want her. He’ll expect her to be handed over to him and she wouldn’t be safe,
that’s why I didn’t tell him. Contrary to what you may think, I am trying to help her,” Dr.
Cullen said. I just sat there, my mind furiously trying to work through what he’d just said. I
didn’t want to be handed over to anyone, despite everything, I had Edward here and
Edward made me happy.
“No ones fucking taking her,” Edward said forcefully, the anger in his words sending a chill
down my spine but relieving a bit of my panic. “You’re not turning her over to anyone. I
won’t let it happen.”
“I know. Do you think I don’t get that? If I would’ve turned her over to someone, you
would’ve followed right behind and gotten yourself in trouble, and I couldn’t have that. I
can’t have you both being taken down by this. I’m trying to find a way out of this where no
innocents get hurt, where the both of you walk away from this safe, but you’re making that
difficult on me.”
“Do we know him?” Edward asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. “The man she’s
related to, is he someone we know personally?”
Dr. Cullen stared at Edward for a moment. “I can’t answer that,” he said finally. Edward
laughed dryly.
“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” he said. Dr. Cullen groaned, shaking his head.
“Stop it, Edward. You have to mind your own business on this matter and forget all about
the DNA test,” he said with annoyance.
“Why can’t you?” Jasper asked. “I mean, yeah, so you know she has a relative out there
somewhere. It’s obviously not someone she’s going to want to know. Why can’t you just
forget about it, forget you even ran the test, burn the results and let the information die?”
“Because the only true secrets are those that are shared with no one; those that are simply
between a man and his God. This isn’t one of them. People know,” he said. Edward sighed.
“Esme knows,” Edward said, shaking his head. Dr. Cullen nodded.
“Yeah, she does. But she’s not who I’m talking about. I’m not worried about your aunt
spilling; she’d take it to the grave with her. But I am worried about the doctor who ran the
test in the first place though and whoever may have stumbled upon the results from there.
So far they’ve kept their mouths shut but I don’t know how long that’ll last,” he said.
“And you have no idea the dilemma this has put me in. I’m supposed to put the Borgata
first; I’m supposed to do what they’d want above anything else. And right now I’m not
doing that. Right now I’m putting my real family above them. I’m essentially teetering on
the edge of breaking that oath I took and I’m sure every single one of you is aware of what
that would mean for me if discovered. I’m trying to keep things from them they’d want so
my son and his girlfriend can be safe, and my son keeps sticking his nose in it and
threatening to fuck it up anyway.”
We all sat quietly for a moment. I was quite stunned, completely confused on what was
going on, and the boys seemed to be thinking hard about this piece of information.
“If you’re trying to help her, why do you threaten her then?” Jasper asked after a moment.
Dr. Cullen sighed.
“Because it’s what you do when you’re dealing with those that have no regard for things.
The only thing they care for is staying alive; it’s the only thing that can keep them in line.
Edward has no regard for his own life; he made that quite clear to me again last night when
he didn’t even hesitate to announce he’d die for her. Threatening his life wouldn’t faze him.
The only thing that would was hers,” said. “But it’s not a bluff. If it comes down to it and I
can’t save them both, I will choose my blood. If I have no other choice, I will sacrifice her if
it’s the only way to keep Edward safe.”
My heart was thumping hard in my chest at his words as fear coursed through my veins at
the thought of dying. I couldn’t exactly hate Dr. Cullen for it, as I’d willingly sacrifice myself
if it meant keeping Edward safe, but it still wasn’t something I wanted to hear come from
the lips of my master.
“That’s fucked up,” Edward snapped. “You’re a lot fucking stupider than I thought if you
honestly think I’d want to go on living if I didn’t have her with me. She brought me back to
life; I wouldn’t give a shit about any of it if she was gone.”
I glanced over at Edward, gaping at him for his outburst. It wasn’t the first time he’d said
something like that, of course, but something about hearing him tell his father it struck me
hard.
“I know you think that…” Dr. Cullen started. Edward made a noise similar to a growl and
slammed his fist on the table, causing our plates to clatter from the force.
“Don’t you fucking patronize me and pretend to know my feelings better than me. I fucking
love her and nothing is going to change that! Don’t treat me like a child that just doesn’t
know any better!” Edward snapped.
Dr. Cullen slammed his hands down on the table, also cause everything to clatter. “Then
grow the hell up already! Stop acting so damn immature! I’m not assuming to know your
feelings better than you, but I’m not stupid son, I know how you’re feeling! I know because
I felt the same fucking way when I was your age! I know you love the child and what you’d
risk for her, but I’m telling you right now, I’d have to fucking try! I couldn’t let you both go
down; I’d have to at least try! If not for you then at least for your damn mother!”
Edward’s eyes narrowed and I could tell his temper was flaring. I started fidgeting in my
seat, preparing for the blow up. I glanced around and saw Jasper and Emmett looking just
as uncomfortable, knowing the situation was out of hand. Emmett’s goal of talking like
men had very obviously gone up in smoke, as they both were enraged now.
“My mother has nothing to do with this, so quit dragging her fucking memory into it!”
Edward snapped.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Your mother has everything to do with this!”
Dr. Cullen snapped back.
“How?” Edward asked sharply, cocking an eyebrow at his father.
“She loved the girl! From the moment she laid eyes on her she loved her! She wouldn’t
want you both to go down in flames, she’d tell me to at least try to fucking save one of you!”
Dr. Cullen spat. My eyes widened with shock and Edward’s eyes narrowed even more, his
temper flaring again.
“If she fucking loved her, she wouldn’t want you to sacrifice her!” Edward retorted with. Dr.
Cullen shook his head.
“Maybe not, but your mother was too naïve for her own good sometimes. She’d insist there
was a way out of this where no one got hurt but she’d be wrong. Someone is going to get
hurt. I’m just hoping like hell it’s neither one of you,” Dr. Cullen said angrily. “You can hate
me all you want, Edward. Hell, you too Isabella. But I know what the hell I’m talking about,
a lot better than anyone else at this fucking table knows. I’m doing what’s necessary and
I’m your only fucking shot at finding happiness together in the future, so it’s in your best
interest to back off of me and let me do what needs to be done!”
I tensed up at his tone, terror creeping through me. He was angry again and the fire was
burning in his eyes, the same fire that had caused him to lose control and snap at both
Edward and I violently. I silently prayed that Edward would back off and calm down and
not push him any further because I was afraid of what his reaction might be.
Everyone was quiet for a moment, all of us quite stunned at the turn in conversation. I was
still just as confused as ever but something about Dr. Cullen’s words and tone made me
want to believe him, believe that he was doing what needed to be done.
“Who did it?” Edward asked after a moment, his voice low. We all glanced over at him and
I saw he was staring straight at his father, frowning. I wasn’t sure what he was talking
about but I could tell from his expression that it was serious.
“Who did what?” Dr. Cullen asked nonchalantly, not even bothering to look up at Edward. I
had a feeling Dr. Cullen knew exactly what Edward was referring to, was just feigning
ignorance.
“You know what. Who killed her?” he asked. My eyes widened with shock at the question.
“We’re clearing the air here, and I want to know. Who shot me?”
Dr. Cullen was quiet for a moment, staring down at his plate. “Their names don’t matter.
They’re all dead now anyway,” he said finally.
“Why’d they do it?” Edward asked at once. “If you don’t want to give me names, fine. The
least you can do is to tell me what the hell was so bad that I deserved to be shot when I was
only eight.”
“There’s no point, Edward. What’s done is done,” he said. Edward laughed dryly, his anger
rising.
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I have a right to know. My life was fucked up that day, I
deserve to know who or what the hell caused it,” Edward said. “You always took the blame,
saying the shit was your fault, but last night you told me it was mom’s fault. So which is it?
Whose fucking fault is it?”
Dr. Cullen stared at Edward for a moment. “I don’t know,” he said finally. Edward groaned,
shaking his head.
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know?” he snapped.
“I mean, I don’t know who the hell to blame!” Dr. Cullen snapped back. “Your mother…
God, I fucking loved your mother. But she went behind my back and she did shit she knew
she shouldn’t be doing. She was snooping around and asking questions and gaining
unwanted attention. I was naïve and didn’t realize what was happening until she’d already
gotten herself killed!”
I glanced around the table, seeing the shock and sadness on everyone’s face. They were all
hurting, every single one of them, and I felt like I was intruding in on a moment. I’d met
Mrs. Cullen but briefly. I barely recalled her, so part of me felt like I had no right to be
present for this conversation. But I didn’t want to get up and walk out, because doing so
would be even ruder than staying put.
“Why was she snooping?” Edward asked.
Dr. Cullen sighed, shaking his head. “Why’d your mother do anything she did? Trying to
fucking help people, as usual. She was trying to save someone’s life and ended up losing her
own in the process.”
Edward shook his head. “Who?” he asked. Dr. Cullen looked over at him, raising his
eyebrows questioningly. “Who was she trying to help?”
Dr. Cullen sighed. “Does it really matter?” he asked.
“Yes,” Edward snapped. “I’d like to know who the fuck was so important that she’d risk
every fucking thing for. Who was so fucking important that someone would kill her over it.
Who the fuck she tried to save and almost had her son killed for! I wanna know who the
fuck she chose over me, her own goddamn flesh and blood! Who she’d so willingly die for!”
I tensed up, his anger frightening me. Dr. Cullen just looked at him, his expression blank
but his gaze intense. Edward stared back for a moment and it was odd, almost like they
were having a silent conversation as they stared each other down. Edward’s enraged
expression softened after a moment as his brow furrowed, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.
He broke eye contact after a second and glanced down at the table, running a hand through
his hair. He had a look of intense concentration on his face, like he was slowly trying to
figure out a riddle, his brain working furiously to put the pieces together. His expression
softened more after a moment and he blinked a few times, letting out what sounded almost
like a soft gasp.
He glanced over at me and I froze, stunned by the devastation in his eyes. He was hurting
and I immediately wanted to say something to make it go away, but I had no idea how to
make him feel better because I was baffled as to what was going on. He stared at me for a
moment and I stared back, worried about him. I knew his mother was a touchy subject and
I didn’t want him to retreat back into that darkness that had been consuming him for so
long because of what happened to her. I heard Dr. Cullen sigh and Edward broke eye
contact with me, pushing his chair back roughly and throwing his napkin down on the
table. He practically bolted from the room and I heard his footsteps on the stairs almost
immediately.
My brow furrowed in confusion. It was like I’d missed something, there was something I
didn’t get or understand. I glanced around and saw Emmett and Jasper had expressions
that echoed how I was feeling—they were just as confused. I glanced over at Dr. Cullen and
froze when I saw he was looking at me with a curious expression on his face. It was almost
one of compassion, maybe a bit of sadness but there wasn’t really any anger. It was more
like… pity.
He broke eye contact after a moment, shaking his head. “Is this sit-down adjourned,
Emmett? I’d hate to walk out in the middle of it, as that’s a guarantee of death in real sit-
downs.”
Emmett groaned. “Damn, dad, didn’t I say I didn’t wanna know how real sit-downs
worked? But yeah, whatever, it’s over. It was a failure anyway.”
Dr. Cullen tossed his napkin down and stood up, reaching over and patting Emmett on the
back. “No, it wasn’t. We got to air our issues and we all survived. That’s not a failure. We’re
usually not that lucky in real sit-downs.”
Emmett groaned again and Dr. Cullen patted him on the back once more before walking
away. I sat there for a bit with Jasper and Emmett, the three of us quiet.
“What the hell just happened?” Emmett asked finally.
“Beats me,” Jasper and I said at the same time. I glanced over at him with surprise and
Emmett chuckled.
“Jinx!” he yelled. I cracked a small smile, as did Jasper.
“Always calling jinx when it has nothing to do with you,” Jasper said, pushing his chair
back and standing up. “Anyway, thanks for dinner, Isabella. Sorry the meal didn’t go that
well.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine,” I said. I was used to meals turning into disasters in Phoenix. It
wasn’t a rare occurrence for a food fight to break out or Jane to start screaming and
breaking things. I didn’t take it personally, as I knew it had nothing to do with my cooking.
I got up after a moment and started clearing the table. Emmett got up and helped me carry
everything into the kitchen and then headed upstairs, saying he was going to call Rosalie. I
put the food away and cleaned everything up, doing the dishes and making sure everything
was back in order. When I was done I headed for the stairs, freezing as I hit the second
flight leading up to the third floor when Dr. Cullen’s voice rang out behind me.
“Isabella?” he said. I tensed up and turned around slowly, eyeing him cautiously.
“Yes, sir?” I said hesitantly. He sighed and stared at me for a moment with a curious
expression on his face, like he was trying to read me again. I was nervous, my heart
pounding frantically and my knees threatening to give out as my body quivered under his
gaze.
“Give Edward some time,” he said simply after a moment. I nodded cautiously, unsure of
what he meant by that.
“Yes, sir,” I mumbled again, just agreeing. He stared at me for a moment longer before
nodding. He turned around and walked into his office, closing the door behind him. I
turned back around and headed up the steps slowly. I hit the third floor and walked over to
Edward’s door, hesitating when I saw it was closed. I reached out and grabbed the knob but
froze, my brow furrowing confusion when it wouldn’t turn.
It was locked. He’d locked his door, shutting me out. Confusion and hurt rocked through
me, as he’d never done that before. He’s never locked his door like this. I was immediately
worried and part of me wanted to bang on the door and demand he open it just so I could
know he was okay, but another part of me was recalling what Dr. Cullen had said just a
moment ago. Give Edward some time. I wasn’t sure why or what was going on, but it was
obvious he was right. Edward needed time. He wanted to be alone.
I let go of the knob and paused briefly before turning and walking over to my room. I
opened the door and slipped inside, shutting it behind me. I stripped out of my clothes and
slipped on Edward’s football shirt again. It was dirty, as I’d just worn it the night before,
but it belonged to him and that was what I needed. It was his, it had his name on it, and it
smelled entirely like him. It smelled like lilacs and honey and sunshine, the essence of
Edward Cullen. I brought it up to my nose, closing my eyes as I inhaled it. It was
comforting… it was my happiness.
I walked over to my bed and slipped under the covers, grabbing my pillow and snuggling
into it. I was in a fog again, everything hazy and confusing and I just felt off. I was worried
about Edward, worried about what he was going through. I was worried he was hurting and
there was nothing I could do to help him. And I was afraid, so afraid. He locked me out and
he’d never done that before. He’d never intentionally kept us apart but he just had, and that
hurt. It hurt worse than I imagined it would ever hurt.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, a mixture of the pain and sadness and confusion and
exhaustion consuming me. I snuggled into the bed, trying to find the warmth I craved while
the tears spilled over and my body was rocked with sobs. It was missing, he was missing.
That warmth was gone, the comfort and safety I desperately desired missing along with his
presence. And I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why he wasn’t here with me, what had
happened, why he wanted to be away from me. Had I done something wrong? Did he still
love me? He’d just said tonight that he loved me and no one would ever take me away from
him, but he the one keeping us apart right now. Why? What was going on?
For the first time in months, I drifted off to sleep without him beside me. My sleep was
restless and broken, nightmares threatening to take over the small fraction of peace I was
finding while unconscious.
I was brought out of my slumber eventually and opened my eyes to a room encased entirely
by darkness. I felt the bed shift beside me and tensed up, but the moment I felt the cover
being pulled up and the form slipping in beside me, relief washed through me. The warmth
was there again, the safety and comfort. The love. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it.
Edward was by my side again.
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, pulling me to him. He nuzzled into my neck,
placing a light kiss on my skin that made shivers shoot down my spine.
“I love you,” he whispered, his voice cracking. I could hear the hurt, the agony he was
feeling and I didn’t know why it was there, but I wanted it to go away.
He held onto me tightly, squeezing me so hard it nearly hurt but I didn’t want him to let go.
I never wanted him to let go. I felt a tear slip down my cheek, once more my emotions
overpowering me.
“I love you, too, Edward.”
Chapter 51 The Art of Living
"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." --
Henry Ellis
Have you ever watched one of those movies where the main character all of a sudden has a
fucking revelation, where they’re just sitting there and out of nowhere everything just hits
them like a goddamn Mack truck? No words are necessary, it’s shit they already knew, but
it’s like all of the pieces of the puzzle just seem to come together and everything suddenly
makes sense, mystery solved? I’m not talking about those pussy ‘Ah-ha!’ moments like in
goddamn Clue where you figure out it was Colonel Mustard with a goddamn candlestick or
something. I’m talking like in the movie Sixth Sense, at the end when that doctor Bruce
Willis played, Malcolm Crowe, suddenly just fucking realized he'd been dead the whole
time and everything that had happened in the movie supported his goddamn theory?
Yeah, I used to think that was all bullshit, too. People figured shit out gradually, there was
no such thing as massive revelations where it all just dawned on you and in an instant
everything made sense. That shit didn’t happen… but yet, it just did.
Sitting there at the table, across from the girl I loved more than life itself, all of the pieces of
the puzzle just fucking came together and fell right into place. They’d all been there the
entire time, right in my fucking face and I almost felt stupid for not seeing the truth sooner.
I was stunned, almost completely frozen as it dawned on me. I was Dr. Malcolm Crowe,
and I was fucking dead.
I don’t know how it struck me or what exactly provided the spark that made me realize it.
Maybe it was my own words, maybe it was the way my father was looking at me, whatever.
The ‘why’ frankly didn’t matter… what mattered was that it happened. And it all just fit,
and the instant the thought crossed my mind I just fucking knew. My brow furrowed and I
stared at my father, immediately hoping like hell I was so fucking off base that I was out of
the goddamn ballpark, but just taking in his expression I knew I wasn’t. I knew I’d figured
it out and I realized at once exactly why he’d been keeping that shit from me, why he’d
wanted me to back the fuck off and not question it.
A dozen different emotions hit me in that moment--horror, shock, love, longing, gratitude,
anger, disgust, awe, remorse, contempt, hatred… Too many to fucking name but I felt them
all, every single one of them merging together. I felt fucking sick to my stomach, the
intensity of everything making my chest hurt and I had to look away from my father
because I couldn’t bear to see the confirmation in his expression anymore. I glanced down
at the table, all of the pieces forming the big fucking picture that up until that moment had
eluded me.
It was her. The person my mother had risked everything to help, the person my mother had
sacrificed herself to try to save. It was the same girl I was willing to lay my life down for, the
girl I was fighting so fucking hard for. We’d loved and wanted to save the same fucking
person. I blinked a few times and ran my hand through my hair absent-mindedly, stunned.
My mother was murdered and my life had been shattered because of Isabella Swan.
It was the reason my father was so hot and cold with her, why he’d snapped the way he did
on Isabella on the anniversary of mom’s death. It was the reason why he’d said she wasn’t
personally worth it to him; why he really seemed to fucking resent her some moments. But
at the same time, it was the reason he was trying to save her, why he tried so damn hard to
help her adapt. Christ, it was the fucking reason he’d bought her in the first place! It was
like he was trying to finish what my mother had started.
I glanced up at Isabella, devastation hitting me hard when I saw the apprehension in her
expression. She was fucking confused and was eyeing me warily, obviously trying to figure
out what was going on. I saw the love in her eyes and the worry, and it fucking hurt. God, it
fucking hurt worse than anything had ever hurt before. She was sitting there watching me,
worried about what was going on because she loved me so much, and she had no fucking
clue what it was she’d caused.
My thoughts and feelings were frantic, all over the fucking place. I was panicked and
unstable, desperately fucking close to snapping and I had no idea on who. I was angry, so
fucking angry that I was starting to shake, but I didn’t know what the hell I was angry at
exactly. Was I pissed off at my mother? She’d fucking thrown her life away for a strange
child she barely knew, almost got her own flesh and blood murdered in the process! But
Christ, that fucking child was Isabella, how the hell could I be mad at my mother for doing
exactly what it was I was doing? I was willing to sacrifice myself for her too.
Was I angry with my father? He knew all along and had kept it from me, intentionally
hidden the truth about that fucking day from me. But could I blame him for it? He’d only
been trying to protect me from finding out something that would possibly hurt me. No, I
couldn’t fucking hate him for that even if it did piss me off.
The minute it dawned on me that even a portion of the anger I felt was directed at the
beautiful girl sitting across from me, I had to fucking get out of there. It wasn’t right, it
wasn’t fair to her. She’d only been a child for Christ sakes; I couldn’t blame her for it! She
had no control over my mother’s actions. She hadn’t asked for this shit, she barely even
fucking remembered my mother.
But yet, I fucking felt it anyway. I felt the anger and the hatred brewing. I felt the instinct to
blame her. My mother was dead and if the girl across from me hadn’t existed, my mother
wouldn’t fucking be dead. I wouldn’t have suffered so much over the last few years. I
wouldn’t have been so fucking broken, my family wouldn’t have been ruined. I felt
disgusted with myself, like I’d chosen the girl across from me over my mother. I felt that by
being with Isabella I was pissing on my mother’s grave. My mother was dead because of
her, if she hadn’t been born none of this would’ve happened. I felt like I was tainting her
memory. Christ, I was sleeping with the fucking enemy!
I pushed my chair back roughly and stood up, needing to get the hell out of there before I
lost it. I needed to get away because it wasn’t fair to Isabella. I couldn’t blame her for what
happened, she hadn’t done a damn thing wrong. I needed to get away from her before I
accidentally snapped and hurt her, because she didn’t deserve to be hurt! She’d been hurt
enough in her life and I couldn’t be the one to fucking deliver that final blow and devastate
her. And I knew for a fact, this would fucking do it. This would destroy her. She fucking
loved me and trusted me. I couldn’t be the cause of her downfall.
I practically sprinted out of the fucking room, needing to get upstairs so I could be alone.
Everything felt so fucking surreal but my anger was growing with every step I took. I was
furious and that alone made me feel disgusted. What the fuck was wrong with me? What
kind of demented fuck blames a child for a mob killing, especially when the person who
was killed knew damn well what they were doing could get them killed? Christ, was it even
the fucking mob that did it? Who the hell would kill my fucking mother over Isabella?
What the fuck made that damn girl worth murdering over?
That frenzied thought running through my mind set the guilt rolling through me hard. How
the hell could I ever think such a thing? I fucking loved the girl, of course she was worth
killing over! I’d just fucking said I’d kill for her and die for her in a goddamn heartbeat,
what the fuck makes me think other people wouldn’t to? Christ, my mother was willing to
fucking die for her, so why the hell wouldn’t people be willing to kill for her? Of course she
was fucking worth it. She was pure and innocent. She was fucking beautiful, in and out.
But who? Who the fuck would do it? She’d been mistreated her entire goddamn life, no one
ever paid her a bit of fucking attention. They kept her locked up in a barn away from society
and beat the hell out of her for no fucking reason. She was battered and bruised and
ignored so it was clear they didn’t really give a shit about her. So why would they fucking
kill over her? Why the fuck did they have to kill my mother over her?
I got to the third floor and opened my bedroom door, slipping inside. I slammed it behind
me and reached over, turning the lock quickly. I couldn’t have anyone fucking coming in
here right now, not when I was so unbalanced. I felt like I was fucking deranged. I kept
feeling myself slipping into that fog, zoning out, and that was fucking dangerous. I got
violent without even realizing it when that shit happened. I’d damn near murdered Jacob
Black the last time I let my rage consume me and zoned out and I didn’t want her coming
anywhere near me when I was like that. I didn’t want to fucking hurt her, even if there was
a small fraction of me deep down inside that screamed to make her fucking feel how I was
feeling. But I’d never forgive myself if I ever hurt her like that, I’d fucking die if I ever
harmed her. She didn’t deserve that shit.
I paced around the room, my mind frantically working through everything, a small part of
me in fucking denial that this was happening. I knew I had it right, it all fucking fit, but the
problem was I didn’t want any of it to be true. I didn’t want Isabella to be the fucking
reason my mother was dead. That shit wasn’t right, it wasn’t fucking fair! What kind of sick
fucking God would do that to me? I finally find some goddamn happiness in this sick
twisted world, a bright spot, and she’s the fucking cause of the darkness in the first place! I
finally learn to love again, and God did I fucking love her, and she just happens to be the
fucking one that made me that way, that killed my ability to get close to anyone!
I paced around the room, my hands furiously running through my hair as I tried to sort
through my thoughts. I had to stop thinking that way, I had to stop thinking any of it was
her fault. She hadn’t done a damn thing. But I was trying to make sense of shit and despite
the fact that it all fit together, I still didn’t fucking understand. Why? Why me? Why us?
What the fuck had we done to deserve this bullshit? Had I been that fucking horrible of a
person? It wasn’t right, not a single fraction of it. It was all fucked up.
The past few months were running through my mind, shit Isabella and I had done together.
The things we’d said, all of our fucking confessions. I’d spilled my fucking heart and soul to
her, told her everything about my mother, even goddamn cried about it in front of her and
the entire time it was her. It was her who’d cause it to happen. It was because of her I had
to watch my fucking mother die, it was because of her I nearly lost my own fucking life.
“Goddamit!” I snapped, reaching my foot back and kicking the bed frame as I walked by it.
I couldn’t keep fucking thinking those things, I couldn’t fucking blame her. She’d been,
what, seven years old when my mother died? How the fuck can you blame a seven year old
for a murder that happened damn near two thousand miles away from her? Her life had
never been her own, she’d never had fucking free will. She couldn’t even goddamn piss
without permission and I was shifting blame of a goddamn hit on her? That was sick. I was
fucking sick.
But my anger… I was fucking angry. The pain in my chest was intense and it felt like there
was a ton of weight just sitting on it, nearly crushing me. I couldn’t seem to shake it, it
really fucking felt like someone had taken a goddamn knife and stabbed it right into me,
piercing my heart and twisting that motherfucker. I hadn’t felt pain that bad since I woke
up in the goddamn hospital all those years ago with my father sitting beside my bed,
chanting ‘it’s all my fucking fault’.
And Christ, was it his fucking fault? Yeah, my mom snooped around, she got fucking nosey
and asked goddamn questions she shouldn’t have asked, but since when is being
meddlesome worthy of a death sentence? She’d just been trying to help a fucking child,
what was the goddamn harm in that? But at the same time she knew damnit. She fucking
knew you couldn’t do that shit in my father’s life but she did it any goddamn way. She’d
brought it down on herself. No, fuck that. She’d brought it down on all of us. She knew
what she was fucking doing, she knew what she was risking. And I remembered her fucking
face when that man held that gun to her head, the recognition and realization in her eyes
right before he pulled the trigger. She knew what she’d fucking done and there wasn’t a
goddamn ounce of remorse in her expression. And I knew that shit, because the image of it
was burned into my brain. I relived that moment more times than I could ever fucking
count. I had every second of it memorized. She didn’t regret what she’d fucking done, she
wouldn’t have taken any of it back. She was fucking worried about me and in her last
moment she did exactly what she’d always done… she tried to save someone else. She tried
to fucking save me.
She was constantly trying to save people, my father was right about that. I always admired
that about her, her compassion, but at the same time it pissed me the fuck off. What about
saving herself? Where the fuck was her sense of self-preservation?
But at the same time, I couldn’t exactly fucking blame her. No matter how fucking nosey
she’d been, she hadn’t deserved to be killed and she shouldn’t have died. My goddamn
father’s lifestyle had done that. His lifestyle had fucking killed her. It was his fault all of us
lived in such a dangerous world, his fucking fault we had to deal with the violence and
hatred and bloodshed. He was the goddamn criminal, he was the one who brought the
murderers and savages into our lives. If it hadn’t been for him, she wouldn’t have been in
danger for asking a goddamn question. No, if he hadn’t joined the fucking mafia she’d still
be alive today. There was no doubt in my goddamn mind about that.
But my mother fucking knew. She knew what he was when she married him. She knew
what kind of fucking world she was bringing us boys into. I never understood how someone
as pure and innocent as my mother could live her life with someone like my father, how she
could just fucking accept what he did. I still didn’t get that shit about Esme, how she could
just stay with her husband and love him knowing he fucking killed people and broken
probably every goddamn federal law in existence. How could they just accept that shit? I
once wondered if Bella could accept that about me, if someone like her could stay with me
if I chose to go that route and I wasn’t sure about it then. I still didn’t know if she’d be
willing to but I was sure about one thing now though--I wouldn’t fucking want her to. She
was too goddamn pure to willingly tie herself to such a goddamn brutal life, the kind of life
where curiosity got you fucking executed. And there was no fucking way I was ever putting
her in that position. No fucking way I would end up like my father.
I was pissed, and I was fucking hurting. My chest felt constricted, so much so that each
breath I took sent sharp pains through it. I paced around the room, kicking things and
tossing shit around, trying to fucking get my anger out. I was so tense I needed a release; I
needed to let some steam out so I took it out on my fucking belongings so I didn’t
accidentally take it out on someone like Isabella. My thoughts were convoluted and I was
frantically shifting guilt for the entire situation from one person to the next, trying to find
logic in a situation where there was no goddamn logic.
My anger was so intense that I was fucking shaking, frenetically running one hand through
my hair and tugging at the locks while my other hand clenched into a fist at my side. I was
trying to fight it back, trying to fucking clear my head but my emotions were overpowering
everything. I wanted to hurt someone; I wanted someone to fucking feel how I felt. I just
felt so fucking alone.
I unclenched my fist and reached into my pocket, pulling out my keys. I walked over to my
desk and unlocked the drawer, pulling it open quickly. I needed to calm down, I needed
something to make the goddamn hurt go away because kicking shit wasn’t doing it. I
needed to drown out the fucking pain; I couldn’t let it consume me. I glanced inside the
drawer and groaned when I saw I didn’t have any weed. I started shifting through the
bottles of liquor, my temper flaring when I realized I didn’t even have any fucking vodka
left. I’d smashed my last bottle of Grey Goose the night before in a fit of rage and there was
some downstairs but there was no fucking way I was going down there right now. Not in
this shape, not under these conditions. I had to stay far fucking away from all of them until
I got myself under control.
I pulled out a bottle of patrone because it was practically all I fucking had left in there. My
stash was dwindling and I hadn’t really noticed it, as I hadn’t been hitting the shit up that
much lately. It was another fucking thing that she’d changed in my life without even
realizing it. God, was my life even fucking mine anymore? What the fuck had happened to
me? What the fuck was wrong with my family? She had affected every single one of us in
some way, it was like she’d cast a goddamn spell on all of us. She had us under her fucking
thumb, ready and willing to goddamn sacrifice ourselves for her. What was it about her?
Christ, it was like she was a goddamn witch or something. This shit just wasn’t me, I didn’t
just turn my goddamn life over to someone else. I was Edward fucking Cullen, I could have
any goddamn thing I wanted. Life was supposed to be fucking easy for me, so why the hell
was I letting this complicated bullshit take the reigns?
I opened the bottle and brought it up to my lips, tipping it back. It wasn’t fucking smooth at
all and it burned immensely going down. I grimaced, shuddering, but didn’t pull the bottle
away. The burn I could handle, the physical pain I could take—anything to get rid of the
goddamn ache in my chest settling right in my fucking heart. Anything to make that go
away.
I sat the bottle down after a moment and ran a hand through my hair, feeling slight warmth
spread through me as the alcohol started running through my system. My eyes caught sight
of the picture frame sitting face down on the desk and I froze momentarily before reaching
over and snatching it up. I glanced at it, feeling fucking sick to my stomach when I saw the
small smear of dried blood on it from where Bella had cut herself trying to clean up. The
glass was smashed, only random pieces left clinging to it. I stared at the picture of my
mother and I from all those years ago, both of us looking so fucking happy. I had to have
been around five then and I immediately wondered if she’d already met Isabella at that
point, if she’d already started her snooping. I wondered if she was standing there beside
her baby boy, smiling, knowing she was putting him in fucking danger. I wondered if she
already knew at that point that her days were numbered.
I found it ironic that a shattered frame and drops of blood now marred the happy image. It
was almost fucking fitting, having it tainted like that. My life had been goddamn ruined
much like the fucking picture was ruined now. None of it would ever be the same. The
fucking memory of her was contaminated now with the knowledge of what the fuck had let
to her death, like a goddamn black cloud lingering over it all. Did I ever even really know
my mother? Had I been fucking naïve, my memory clouded like my father suggested?
My anger was only increasing the more I thought about it, the pain in my chest intensifying
as I looked at my mother’s face. My words from earlier downstairs crept into my mind,
taking over my thoughts.
I wanted to know who the fuck was so important that she’d risk every fucking thing for.
Who was so fucking important that someone would kill her over it. Who the fuck she tried
to save and almost had her son killed for. I wanted to know who the fuck she chose over
me, her own goddamn flesh and blood, who she’d so willingly die for…
Isabella. Fucking Isabella. La mia bella ragazza. I felt my eyes stinging as the tears welled
up and I fought them back with all I had, not wanting to fucking cry like some big goddamn
pussy. I groaned and shook my head, trying to get a fucking grip on myself, and threw the
picture frame back down on the desk. I grabbed the bottle of liquor and paced around the
room, drinking and trying to fucking think rationally but everything was clouded over and
the goddamn alcohol wasn’t helping that. So much shit people had said to me the past few
months was suddenly making sense, every bit of it. I don’t know how the fuck I hadn’t
figured it out sooner, it was clear as hell to me now. All the fucking clues had been there, I
was just so engulfed by my love for her that I couldn’t see it. I hadn’t fucking wanted to see
it.
Aro’s words about her meaning more to my father than I understood, about how Bella just
wasn’t another slave to him. Esme’s words about how my mother couldn’t help but love
her. And my father… everything he’d said made sense now. The fact that when we went to
the shooting range he’d said she hadn’t done anything to deserve his hatred but never once
fucking saying she didn’t have his hatred. It was clear as hell to me now… he blamed her.
Part of him fucking blamed her. It was why he’d set her up on the anniversary of mom’s
death, why he’d fucking put that gun there where he knew she’d find it. He wanted her to
hurt, wanted her to feel the same kind of pain he fucking felt. He blamed her for what the
hell happened to mom, he blamed her for that day, and wanted to fucking punish her for it.
He wasn’t punishing her for touching his unloaded pistol, he was punishing her for fucking
existing. He was punishing the truly innocent one in the situation for his own goddamn
mistakes. For both of my parents’ mistakes.
Christ, she was paying for other people’s mistakes again! She’d spent her entire life being
hurt for bullshit that she hadn’t caused and it was still fucking happening. It was sick, so
goddamn sick. I’d fucking paid for their mistakes that day when I was shot and Isabella is
still paying for their fucking mistakes.
Rage was coursing through me, the resentment I felt intense. I started pacing more
frantically, trying to get myself under control. I was fucking pissed and I still wasn’t sure
who the hell I was more pissed at. There was still that small part deep inside of me that felt
that resentment toward Isabella that I shouldn’t fucking be feeling because she hadn’t done
a damn thing. Nothing had fucking changed, she was still the same girl right now as she
had been this morning or last week. I fucking loved her and she loved me and she’d never
do a goddamn thing to intentionally hurt me. I knew that. I fucking trusted her and nothing
had changed.
But… it just seemed like everything was fucking different now. How do you just fucking
forget it? How can you go back? How can you stop it, knowing your girlfriend had
unknowingly ruined your goddamn life? How do you fucking forgive that? Christ, I
shouldn’t have to fucking forgive her for anything, she has no reason to be goddamn sorry
in the first place!
I stepped in my bathroom and glanced up, my eyes falling upon my reflection in the mirror.
I froze, glaring at myself. I was a mess, my hair sticking up in every goddamn direction, my
eyes bloodshot from fighting the tears back. I was losing it and seeing myself wasn’t
helping. I looked just fucking like her, just like my mother. Same goddamn bronze hair,
same fucking green eyes. Staring into my reflection, I saw the same devastation in my eyes
as she’d had right before they pulled that fucking trigger and took her from me. I looked
just fucking like her. That fact had saved my ass many times but now… now it was fucking
hurting me.
I lost it, everything clouding over, the last thread of control I’d been holding onto snapping.
My hand clenched in a fist and I reached back, lunging it forward. My fist connected with
the mirror and it cracked. I did it again, and again, fucking pounding on it, shards of glass
flying everywhere. My hand was fucking burning, pain shooting through it. I didn’t care
though, I didn’t fucking stop until the last piece of glass was shattered, my reflection gone
from sight. I felt the emotion swirling through me with each punch, the fury and grief and
devastation pushing me on. It waned after a moment and I hauled my arm back one last
time, putting all of my fucking power into the punch. The moment it connected pain shot
up my arm and I cried out.
“Fuck!” I yelled, grabbing my wrist. I glanced down, shocked to see so much blood on my
hand from punching the glass. I tried to flex my fingers and winced at the pain, realizing
immediately that I’d really fucked something up. I took a few steps over toward the wall
and leaned my back up against it, sliding down to the floor. I drew my knees up to my chest
and started rocking, trying to get myself under control. My breathing was labored, my eyes
still burning and glassing over with tears. My anger was wavering and giving way to
something else, something I didn’t want to fucking feel. I tried to fight it back but it was
powerful and consumed me.
It was despair. I was devastated, the sorrow just as intense as I’d remembered it being
waking up in the hospital when I was eight. It was like I’d just fucking lost her all over
again, like the shit had just happened. She was dead, my mother was fucking dead.
I lost my last shred of strength in that moment, the tears starting to fall. I just fucking gave
in, knowing it was useless to try to ward it off. It wasn’t fair, not a single bit of it, but life
wasn’t fucking fair. I’d learned that years ago. We all had it fucking bad and it didn’t matter
how the hell we’d gotten here, the point was we were here. We were all fucking destroyed,
every single one of us. We’d all suffered and had to sacrifice and what goddamn right did I
have to go around trying to place blame on people for it? It didn’t fucking matter at the end
of the day, no matter who the hell I got angry at and blamed she’d still fucking be dead. I’d
told my goddamn father that same thing all those months ago when he took his own rage
and despair out on Isabella. I told him mom was dead and no matter who the hell he
punished or took it out on, she wasn’t coming back. She was gone. She was fucking gone.
I don’t know how long I sat there, the anguish taking over me. I wrapped my arms around
my legs and put my head down… and I fucking cried. Years of repressing just how
goddamn much I’d been hurt was catching up to me and I just let it out, every bit of it. I let
myself slip under, into the grief, and truly fucking feel it for once. I let myself wallow in
misery; I let myself grieve what I’d lost. I didn’t give a shit about keeping up appearances
and pushing people away, hurting people because I was fucking hurt. I didn’t give a shit
about revenge or blame at that moment. I just fucking hurt.
By the time I resurfaced and my eyes dried up, the bathroom was encased in total darkness.
I pulled myself up off of the floor and went to run my hand through my hair, wincing at the
pain. My right hand and wrist were throbbing and swelling, something definitely fucking
broken. I walked over to the sink, the glass from the shattered mirror crunching under my
shoes. I turned on the faucet and stuck my hand under the spray of water. It was riddled
with cuts and stung but I tried to ignore all of the pain, washing as much of the blood off as
possible.
I shut the water off and stepped out of the bathroom, kicking my shoes off in the process
because there were shards of glass clinging to the bottom of them. I walked over to the door
and hesitated with my hand at the knob. I glanced over at the clock and froze, taken aback
that it was already midnight. I immediately wondered where Isabella was at and was
slightly surprised she hadn’t knocked on my door to check on me. Hell, maybe she did for
all I knew, I’d been so fucking out of it in the bathroom it likely wouldn’t have even
registered with me. I wondered if she fucking knew, dread coursing through me at the
prospect of what the fuck had happened after I left. I hadn’t thought about it before now,
I’d only fucking been thinking about myself and my own grief, never taking time to fucking
think about how the hell she was going to take this. She had to have been confused when I
fucking bolted from dinner and she didn’t come to me seeking out answers, so did she
fucking already know? Did my father say something to her?
I was starting to panic slightly and quickly unlocked the door, opening it up. Everything felt
fucking surreal and I was almost in a daze, the sadness and anger still brewing inside of
me. I stared at her closed door and debated going into her room to check on her, but I was
afraid to. I wasn’t fucking stable enough for that yet, I had no idea what she knew or what
she was thinking, what the fuck I’d be walking into. I felt like an asshole because if she
knew the truth she had to be fucking hurting, but the fact of the matter was I was hurting. I
couldn’t even start to fucking deal with her until I got shit figured out for myself.
I turned and started down the hallway, the guilt running through me. I felt like I was
walking away from her, like I was abandoning her. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what
she was thinking or feeling, knowing I’d fucking ran out on her and shut her out like that.
But I needed time, time to absorb this shit and deal with it. I started down the stairs,
heading straight for the kitchen. I started opening cabinets, searching for the bottle of
vodka I knew was down there. I found it in the cabinet with the fucking bowls oddly and
grabbed it, twisting it open and bringing it to my lips. I tipped it back and started chugging
it, the liquid burning my throat and stomach but going down smoother than the fucking
Patrone had. I pulled the bottle away after a moment, grunting and shaking my head. I
started opening other cabinets, searching for some painkillers that my father kept around,
finding a bottle of Percocet after a moment. I opened it and grabbed two, throwing them
back. I washed them down with the vodka and leaned back against the counter in the dark
kitchen, trying to get my thoughts in order.
Time crept by as my mind frantically tried to go over things and make sense out of the
bullshit our lives had suddenly become. I pushed away from the counter eventually and
headed for the stairs, slowly starting up them. I had no fucking clue what I was doing,
where the fuck I was going but I was feeling antsy. I paused when I hit the second floor and
noticed the light on in my father’s office. I felt a flare of anger but tried to push it back, not
wanting to snap again like I had in my bathroom. I debated briefly what to do with myself
before just saying fuck it and walking over to his office door. I didn’t even bother to knock--
there was no point. I didn’t give a shit anymore.
I turned the knob and opened the door, stepping inside. I kicked the door closed behind me
and walked over, plopping down in the leather chair. I slouched down and brought the
bottle of vodka up to my lips, tipping it back.
I glanced over at my father after a moment, noticing he didn’t even seem to be paying me
any attention. He was typing away on his laptop, his eyes fixated on the screen. I had a flare
of panic briefly, wondering what the fuck he was doing because earlier today Emmett had
hacked into it to change the GPS code. After what he’d said at the table I was starting to
question whether or not that had been a good idea but it was too late to be second-guessing
the shit tonight. It was already done.
We sat quietly for a moment, neither of us fucking speaking, the only sounds in the room
being that of his fingers pressing the keys and the clock ticking on the wall nearby. I was
throwing back the vodka like it was water, trying to numb the fucking pain I still felt in my
chest. The painkillers had dulled the physical pain but the emotion pain was still severe. I
was torn, so fucking broken, and every time I glanced over at my father I felt that anger
flaring inside of me. That shit worried me, because how the fuck was I going to react
looking at Isabella? I was used to the blame I felt for my father and looking at him still
fucking angered me. I was afraid of snapping on her, of losing it, and fucking losing her.
Despite everything, I couldn’t stand the thought of ever fucking losing her. I loved her. I
needed her.
“I never wanted to have to tell you,” my father said finally, shattering the strained silence. I
saw his fingers had stilled on the laptop but he still wasn’t looking at me. “I thought it
would be cruel, that nothing good could come from it, especially now. I was afraid knowing
would do you more harm than good. You finally seemed happy again and I didn’t want to
be the one to ruin that.”
I stared at him for a moment, not knowing what to say. Was I supposed to fucking thank
him or something? He was quiet for a bit before sighing and leaning back in his chair,
finally glancing over at me. He had a frown on his face, his expression somber. He looked
almost as fucking hurt as I felt.
“She asked me to save her,” he said, shaking his head. “I called Charles Sr. after we left
Phoenix that first time and asked about buying Isabella but he refused to sell her. I didn’t
exactly understand why, I mean she was only 3 so she’d have been more of a nuisance than
a help to him, but frankly it wasn’t my place to question him. She was his property. I told
your mother that and she wouldn’t accept it at first, but I told her she had to drop it. You
can’t just go around inquiring about slaves, no matter how young or sweet they may be. She
eventually told me she understood, that she’d drop it.”
He paused again and reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I should’ve known
better. I should’ve known your mother couldn’t drop it. She asked me to go along every
time I went to Phoenix and I didn’t see the harm in it. It was almost like she’d become
obsessed. She started taking money from the account, blowing through thousands and
couldn’t explain what she was doing with it. Much like you’re doing, actually, which is how
I know you’re up to no good. I shrugged it off back then, figuring she was just helping
people like usual, never even once considering the fact that she was lying to me. But why
would I? She’d never given me reason to not trust her before.”
I just stared at him, a bit surprised at the parallels between my mother and I. We both took
money straight from my fathers’ bank account to try to help Isabella, completely
disregarding whatever the fuck he said in the process. Christ, I was being just as fucking
reckless as my mother had been.
“I found out at one point that she’d been asking my associates about the girl and I put a
stop to it quickly, or so I thought. I cut off her contact with Phoenix, never took her back
there after that. But not seeing the child anymore didn’t stop her. She was hiring private
investigators, trying to dig up dirt and find out where Isabella came from, trying to find a
way to get her away from the Swan’s. She was asking questions behind my back, digging
herself in deep. I’d told her so many times that you can’t do that, that you can’t go around
stirring shit up like that. But she refused to see it as being black and white,” he said.
He sighed and sat quietly for a moment, staring down at his desk. “One evening I got a
phone call from a man saying that Elizabeth had come to him, asking about tracing
parentage, inquiring about birth records and death records. The Borgata always kept
record of those things along with samples from every member inducted. I don’t know if you
knew that, and I probably shouldn’t be telling you that, but they do. They have blood
samples from every one of us from our inductions. But whatever, that’s not the point. The
point is, she was asking about family trees and the man was smart enough to recognize
some of the names she was inquiring about as being part of the mafia. He wanted nothing
to do with it and turned her away. I realized then what she was doing and waited at home,
planning to confront her about it and demand she stop what she was doing before she got
herself killed.” He paused, shaking his head. “It was already too late. I was too late. You
never came home that night.”
I sat quietly, absorbing what he was telling me. Whoever it was obviously fucking killed her
because she was trying to figure out Isabella’s lineage. She’d died trying to find out the
same fucking information I’d been snooping for, the information my father was guarding
with his life. It all just seemed to hit me hard at that moment and I blinked rapidly, almost
fucking stunned. I was doing the exact same goddamn thing she’d done. I was disregarding
my own fucking life to figure out the mystery of Isabella Swan. It was no fucking wonder
my father was freaking out about it so much, why he was so insistent I stop. He’d even
looked at me and told me if I didn’t knock it off he was going to lose me the same way he’d
lost her, why he was so damn sure knowing the information could get me killed. It had
already fucking gotten someone killed.
“Did she figure it out?” I asked, my curiosity spiking. He looked at me with confusion. “The
DNA, where ever Isabella really fucking came from. Did mom figure it out? Is that why they
killed her?”
He sighed, shaking his head. “She was on the right track but no, I don’t think she ever got
close enough to put the pieces together. They killed her because they were afraid she would.
Up until recently I always thought the secret they were trying to hide was the fact that
Charles Jr. had fathered her. The Swans kept that piece of information from the Borgata
because they never would’ve allowed them to treat her the way they did had they known
she was related to them. I figured that’s why he refused to sell her to me, because she was
blood related. But now… now I know it was much deeper than that. Charles didn’t give a
shit that she was related to them or what happened to her, he just didn’t want anyone
questioning or knowing where he’d gotten Isabella’s mother from.”
I stared at him with shock, the thought never even dawning on me. “So it really wasn’t even
fucking about her at all. None of it really had anything to do with Isabella. It was all about
her mother.”
He looked at me for a moment before nodding. “I guess you could say that,” he said.
“But you blame her,” I said quietly. His eyes widened slightly at my statement.
“It’s not her fault,” he said. “She was just a child, Edward.”
I laughed bitterly. “You think I don’t fucking know that?” I snapped, sitting up and glaring
at him. My anger was returning and I tried to push it back, not wanting to let it take back
control. “Of course it’s not her fucking fault, it’s no more her goddamn fault that we’re in
this situation than it is my fault. We couldn’t help what you fucking adults did that got us
wrapped up in this bullshit. But that doesn’t mean you don’t blame her any goddamn way.”
He stared at me for a moment before sighing. “Sometimes when we suffer a loss we try to
place blame on a single cause. ‘Disproportionate Responsibility’ is what they call it. Makes
it easier to cope when you can channel your grief and anger somewhere tangible…” he
started.
“Cut the medical bullshit, it’s a scapegoat,” I interrupted with, cocking an eyebrow at him.
He quieted and gazed at me, nodding.
“Scapegoat,” he repeated. “Your Aunt Esme calls her my ‘patsy’, like the word pazzo.”
“Because she’d easily be victimized,” I mumbled, knowing pazzo meant basically a fool or
pushover in Italian. He nodded.
“Yeah. And you’re right, for a long time Isabella was my scapegoat. I blamed her for being
where she was when she was, for crossing our paths. I blamed her for talking to your
mother, for asking her to play. I blamed her for all of it, because it was easy to blame her. It
hurt that my wife loved someone else so much that she’d risk everything for them, just like
I know it hurts you for similar reasons. It’s not rational but then again, emotions often
aren’t. I’ve come to grips with it over the years for the most part, which is why I felt it was
safe to finally bring her here. But yes, I do still have moments where I slip back into that
mindset,” he said. I could hear the regret in his voice, the tinge of disgust. It was clear he
didn’t like the fact that he blamed a child but he couldn’t seem to help it, much like I
couldn’t help those feelings of blame that were swirling inside of me.
“One thing I don’t get,” I said. “You said the people who had mom killed for snooping were
dead. Was it Isabella’s grandfather, or old master, whatever the fuck you wanna call him?”
He stared at me for a moment before nodding slightly. “So he knew whatever the results of
that DNA test were. He was afraid of whoever she’s really related to.”
He nodded again. “It’s kill or be killed in our world Edward,” he said. I laughed bitterly.
“Your world,” I said sharply. “There’s no ‘ours’ about it. I’m fucking done with it. I want
nothing to do with it.”
His eyes widened with surprise and I wondered if he was going to argue with me, try to talk
me into it or lecture me, but he didn’t. He merely nodded after a moment, end of subject.
Case fucking closed as far as he was concerned.
We both sat quietly for a moment. I could feel the vodka burning through my veins,
relaxing my body but doing nothing to calm my mind. I brought my hand up to run it
through my hair out of habit at one point, cringing at the slight burning feeling in my hand.
My father sighed dramatically, frowning.
“Let me see your hand,” he said leaning forward. I stared at him for a moment, considering
arguing because I hated when he fucking played doctor with me. But I wasn’t stupid… I
knew I really had fucked it up this time. I sighed and scooted forward, holding my hand out
to him. It wasn’t throbbing that much anymore thankfully, was just burning slightly,
swelling and stiffening already. He took my hand carefully and started moving my fingers,
trying to rotate my wrist. I clenched my teeth as the pain ricocheted through my arm as he
pushed my pinkie finger back.
“You must’ve been pounding on something pretty hard to do this,” he said after a moment.
I laughed dryly.
“Just a small mishap with a mirror, that’s all,” I mumbled. He shook his head.
“There’s nothing small about this, Edward. You’ve got a boxers fracture, which I tried to
warn you about your fourth and fifth fingers but you didn’t want to listen. And I’m guessing
you’ve also got a fractured wrist, judging by the way it’s swelling,” he said. I groaned.
“Well, that’s just fucking wonderful,” I said sarcastically. He let go of my hand and I pulled
away, trying to flex my wrist.
“You really should go to the hospital…” he started. I groaned and slouched back in my
chair, holding up my bottle of vodka.
“I got all the medicine I need right here, thanks,” I said, bringing it to my lips and tipping it
back. He stared at me for a moment before shaking his head.
“I have to go in for a few hours in the morning anyway, you can come with me and we’ll get
your hand x-rayed and put a cast on it,” he said. I didn’t bother to respond, there was no
point. I knew my ass would fucking go, because at the end of the day I wouldn’t want my
wrist fucked up permanently. My right hand was important, considering I was fucking right
handed and all. Screwing up my wrist for real would affect my writing and piano and
football, and Christ, I needed to be able to whack off with as little pussy as I was getting
these days.
I took another swig of vodka after a moment and heard my father mumble something
under his breath. “Excuse me?” I asked with irritation, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
He shook his head.
“I said you drink too much, you shouldn’t be downing liquor like that,” he repeated. I
shrugged.
“Yeah, well, we all have our vices, Dad. I really wanted some fucking weed but I’m out and I
kinda don’t have a fucking key to get downstairs and get anymore,” I said. “So, vodka it is, I
guess.”
He sighed. “I pity your liver, heading straight for cirrhosis at seventeen,” he mumbled. “It’s
going to kill you if you keep it up.”
“Yeah, well, we all gotta fucking die at some point. May as well go out for something I love,”
I mumbled, aggravated he was fucking playing doctor with me once again. I brought the
bottle up to my lips to take another drink and as the liquid started flowing and burning my
throat, it fucking struck me what I’d just said.
‘We all gotta fucking die at some point. May as well go out for something I love.’
Christ, that was exactly what my fucking mother had done. It reminded me of all that shit
she used to rattle off when we were kids, Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica. In life,
nothing ventured, nothing gained. She could’ve sat back and lived comfortably and
selfishly, and ended up with a long fairly easy life of her own. She didn’t have to put herself
out there and take risks but she did, because the potential gains to her were worth it. She
knew she could’ve failed horribly, and she fucking did, but to her it was worth it on the odd
chance that she could’ve made a difference. It was worth fucking dying if she could save a
girl that deserved a chance to live. I’d felt the same fucking way. Hell, I still felt that way
about her. I’d sacrifice myself without a second thought. That’s what you fucking do when
you love someone, as far as I was concerned.
“I, uh…” my Dad started, breaking the intense silence that had fallen over the room. I
glanced over at him and saw the apprehension in his face. “I told Isabella to give you some
time.”
“Did you tell her why?” I asked hesitantly. He sighed and shook his head.
“I haven’t told anyone,” he said. I nodded, relieved about that fact.
“She can’t know,” I said quietly. He eyed me for a moment.
“Do you think you can keep it from her? She’s going to want an explanation and you
haven’t exactly come to terms with it yourself,” he said. I sighed and ran my hand through
my hair, wincing at my fucking wrist again.
“I’ll make something up, whatever. But there’s no way she can fucking know Mom died
trying to save her. That’ll fucking destroy her, especially after the bullshit I’ve said to her
about it,” I said. He gazed at me for a moment, raising his brow.
“You talk to her about it?” he asked quietly. I stared at him, knowing he was fucking
curious because I’d never shared that shit with him personally. I just didn’t fucking talk
about it but I did with her.
“I’ve told her everything,” I muttered. “And I’ve said some fucking cruel shit. Just last night
she was worried she was ruining our family when we got into it and I told her whoever
caused Mom to die ruined it, not her. I didn’t fucking know it was her, Christ. She can’t
fucking know, it’s going to tear her apart, hurt her worse than the shit hurts me.”
He sighed. “And you think you can do that? Keep secrets from her?” he asked. I nodded
hesitantly.
“I have to,” I said, feeling like shit about that fact but knowing it was the truth. Knowing
this would destroy Isabella with guilt because she’d fucking blame herself without a doubt.
“You know, if it’ll help you, I’m sure your Aunt Esme and Alec would gladly…” he started.
My eyes narrowed and my anger flared.
“Don’t you even fucking go there,” I snapped, sitting forward so quickly I nearly dropped
the bottle of liquor. “She’s not fucking going anywhere!” He froze, his eyes widening
slightly.
“I wasn’t going to suggest she go anywhere,” he said. “I was going to suggest you go
somewhere. Time away might help.”
I laughed dryly, shaking my head. “I can’t leave her. I can never fucking leave her.”
We sat quietly once more after my forceful statement, neither of us moving or speaking. He
eventually turned back to his laptop and started typing again and I stood up, turning and
walking out without another word being spoken. Nothing else needed to be said between
us. It was odd, after all this time, but it finally felt like for once we almost fucking
understood each other.
I headed up the stairs for the third floor, pausing in the hallway briefly. I reached out and
grabbed my doorknob, and it wasn’t right or fair to her, but I needed some fucking time to
get through this. I had no idea what the fuck I was going to tell her, how to explain it to her
without having to tell her the truth, but I had to come up with a way. I started turning the
knob and froze, a chill running up my spine when I heard the soft whimper come from the
room across from me. I closed my eyes, the sound settling in my chest where my heart sat.
She was fucking hurting.
I didn’t even think about it, made no conscious decisions, but reacted solely upon instinct
the moment I realized she was upset. I let go of the knob and turned around, walking over
to her room. I turned the knob and opened the door quietly, slipping inside the room. It
was completely dark and I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my eyes to the blackness. I
shut the door behind me and took a few steps forward, freezing when my eyes fell upon her.
She was clinging to the pillow, wearing my football shirt, curled up in the fetal position.
The pain that coursed through me was intense, that ache returning to my chest, that anger
and hatred starting to brew back up in the pit of my stomach as I gazed at her. It was her.
My mother was dead and it was fucking her.
She was whimpering, softly crying to herself in her sleep, and I wanted to go to her but I
was so fucking afraid of doing so. I was afraid of hurting her, of lashing out. I felt the
resentment and the blame, and the guilt and the shame hit me, my eyes clouding over once
more and burning with tears threatening to spill over. I turned and walked over, sitting
down on the couch, putting my head in the palm of my hands. This was fucked up, it was all
fucked up. We were so goddamn happy, we’d both finally found a fucking bright spot in the
universe and now the past was catching up to us and the darkness threatening to take us
both down. And she didn’t even know. She had no fucking clue about any of it, and that
wasn’t right but there was no fucking way I could ever tell her. No way I could ever let her
know.
I sat there across the room for a while, watching her thrash around in her sleep and
whimper, her noises agonizing. It hurt to hear and was crushing to see. She was just as
fucking distraught as I was and that only increased my turmoil, my chest aching. I felt like
my heart was going to explode, like it was fucking shattering into a million pieces like the
mirror in my bathroom had. It was caving under the pressure, like the glass had caved
under the impact of my fist. I was fucking breaking apart.
Earlier in my room I’d been so upset about how fucking selfish my mother had been, not
thinking about her children when she was out risking her life, but I was the fucking selfish
one. My mother had laid everything on the line to save the life of a child, you don’t get any
more fucking selfless than that. She’d done it to save the girl who was asleep in front of me,
the girl I fucking loved. And it wasn’t over, because all these fucking years later she still
wasn’t saved. She was still in danger, and I didn’t know from who exactly, but there was no
doubt in my mind that she was in jeopardy of being hurt. And I couldn’t have that happen.
There was no fucking way she could ever be hurt, I’d never let a single motherfucker lay a
finger on her. I was going to protect her, and not only because I loved her so fucking much
but because my mother had loved her too. My mother had died for her, and there was no
goddamn way I could let my mothers’ death be in vain. She’d sacrificed herself to save
Isabella and if it was the last goddamn thing I did, I’d make sure Isabella found real safety.
I was going to protect her. I’d been wrong earlier, real fucking wrong. Being with Isabella
wasn’t pissing on my mothers’ grave, abandoning her would be pissing on my mothers’
grave. I wasn’t sleeping with the enemy; I was finding a safe haven with the innocent.
My mind had been made up long ago, but I was even more determined now. I was going to
fucking free her, no matter the cost.
Her whimpers grew louder and she started mumbling in her sleep. My name rolled from
her lips after a moment, the sound sparking a part of me deep down inside. A part of me
that overrode the resentment and grief. It was the part of me that needed her just as much
as she needed me, the part of me that loved her more than life itself.
I stood up and walked over to the bed, my emotions taking over and the tears starting to
fall from my eyes. I pulled the cover back and slipped in beside her, reaching out
immediately and grabbing a hold of her. I pulled her to me, feeling the relief the moment
her sweet strawberry scent hit my senses and her warm body came into contact with mine.
She was my home, she was my happiness, and it was going to be fucking hard to move
forward from here but it was going to be worth it. She was worth it.
My mother was dead, nothing was going to change that. There was no bringing her back,
no matter what I did she’d still be dead. I’d lost her long ago. But Isabella was alive, and for
now she was safe, and there was no goddamn way I was losing her too. I’d lost enough in
life. I deserved this. We both fucking deserved this. We were fate, regardless. And I’d deal
with the bullshit and beat back the blame and resentment as hard as I fucking could,
because we needed to be happy together. We had to, because I loved her.
I fucking loved her.
“I love you,” I whispered, the words cracking as the tears flowed from my eyes. I squeezed
her tightly, needing to feel her life. I needed to know shit was going to be okay, I needed the
reassurance.
“I love you, too, Edward,” she mumbled. The words ran through me, choking me up. She
brought her hands up and started softly stroking my hands and arms that were wrapped
around her, her fingers trembling against my skin. I could tell she was fucking scared and
confused and I wished there was something I could’ve said or done at the moment to make
it all better, but I didn’t have any answers for her. I had nothing to offer her but myself at
that moment. No explanations, no reassurances besides my presence. Despite everything, I
wasn’t abandoning her. She had my dedication until I took my very last breath.
I held her for a long time, quietly crying. I had a feeling she could tell, that she knew I was
distressed, but she didn’t make any move to pull away from me to investigate. She just lay
there and let me hold her, not speaking or pressing me for answers, just fucking accepting
me as I was. Because that’s just how Isabella was, she never tried to fucking change me. She
understood me and accepted me, and I fucking loved her even more for it at that moment.
She seemed to always know exactly what it was I needed and right now I just needed to
deal on my own. I needed time.
She fell back asleep, her hands stilling on my arms as she clung to me. I eventually drifted
off, my sleep broken and restless as the nightmares came. Isabella clung to me all night,
holding onto me tightly as I relived that night all those years ago all over again. It hurt
worse than ever, seeing the fear and knowledge in my mother’s eyes as they stuck the gun
to her head and knowing it was because of Isabella. But this time, before they pulled the
trigger, before the gunshot that destroyed my soul rang out, the dream shifted. It fogged
out and brightened, so bright I could barely make anything out. It was like the glare of the
sun, blinding me. I heard laughter that struck me hard, because I knew instantly the
melodic chuckle belonged to my mother. It was a sound I missed, a sound I craved to hear
again.
“Want a kiss?” my voice rang out and interrupted her laughter, the sound youthful and
carefree. It was distinctly me, but during a time before life had ripped me apart. It was back
when I was still whole.
“A kiss?” another voice that was most certainly not my mothers rang out with confusion,
the sound also youthful and carefree. There was a tinge of recognition in it and I squinted
in the brightness, trying to make out a face.
“Yes, a kiss,” I said with slight annoyance, not understanding why she didn’t know what I
was talking about.
“Uh, okay,” the girls’ voice said. Almost instantly I was assaulted, nearly falling over by
something wet being smashed against my mouth.
“Uhhh!” I yelled, pulling away from the form. I turned my head away and groaned with
irritation, turning back after a moment and my eyes falling upon a small brown haired
child as the image cleared. “Why did you do that?!”
I heard my mothers laughter ring out again and the little girl stared at me with confusion.
She was filthy, her hair tangled and her face smudged with dirt. Her clothes were tattered
and she was barefoot. Her feet were destroyed, her toes all cut up with dry blood coating
them from running around with no shoes on. Why didn’t the silly girl just put shoes on?
Didn’t that HURT? She was bleeding!
“You asked if I wanted a kiss,” she said, just staring at me. My brow furrowed, as she wasn’t
making much sense to me. She was strange; I didn’t understand her at all. What was wrong
with her? I’d never seen a kid like her before.
“He means a piece of chocolate,” my mothers voice said softly. She walked over and
crouched down beside the little girl, the sight of her nearly taking my breath away. My
mother was so beautiful, the immense sunlight making her nearly glow and her red hair
shine. She looked like an angel sent from above.
“Chocolate?” the little girl asked with confusion, her brow furrowed and her nose
scrunched up.
“Yes, chocolate. It’s sweet, a treat you eat,” my mother said, smiling brightly and gazing at
the girl. Her expression as stunning, the absolute love and devotion on her features as she
stared at the strange girl. The little girl looked deep in thought for a moment before smiling
brightly, her face lighting up.
“Oh!” she said excitedly, as she seemed to finally put the pieces together. “You have
chocolate?!”
My mother laughed again, reaching her pointer finger up and pressing it against the little
girls’ dirty nose. “I don’t have any myself. Edward has some Hershey’s kisses though. He’ll
share his chocolate with you, Bella bambina.”
I opened my eyes and sat up abruptly, gasping as I was ripped from my slumber.
Realization dawned on me in that moment--I was remembering meeting her. I was fucking
stunned at the similarities that registered with me, the fact that she’d fucking kissed me out
of nowhere and I offered her chocolate. The fact that my mother called her Bella, the love I
saw between them being similar to the love I felt for both of them. Christ, could it have
fucking been more meant to be?
I felt the bed shift beside me and I glanced over quickly, seeing Isabella staring at me
cautiously. I felt that anger starting to brew again and took a deep breath, trying to fight it
back. I knew it would be a while until I could finally get rid of it but I needed to fight that
shit back and not let her see it or have to deal with it. I had to fucking protect her, even if it
meant protecting her from myself.
I brought my hand up to run through my hair and cried out as the pain shot through my
arm. Yeah, it was definitely fucking broken and I was really feeling it now that the
painkillers and alcohol had worn off.
“What happened to your hand?!” Isabella asked, her eyes widening with shock. I glanced at
my hand, seeing how swelled and bruised and cut up it was. It was fucking disfigured for
real.
“Oh, uh…” I started, unsure of how to answer that. She was going to see the fucking
destruction in the bedroom eventually so there would be no hiding that from her. “I kinda
had a run in with the mirror in my bathroom. I gotta go to the hospital and have it fixed up
this morning,” I mumbled. She stared at me for a moment, seeming to absorb what I’d said.
“Are you okay, Edward?” she asked cautiously, the worry plain as day. I nodded, sighing.
“I just… I got some shit I’m dealing with,” I mumbled.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” she asked quietly, raising her eyebrows questioningly. I
sighed and shook my head no, climbing out of bed. I stood up and stretched, trying to get
the soreness out of my body.
“Not right now, Bella,” I said, my chest constricting as ‘Bella’ rolled from my lips. Christ, it
hurt to even fucking say it. “I just need some time.”
“Okay,” she said softly, the hurt washing over her. I felt the guilt immediately for shutting
her out but I had no choice. I was feeling sick to the stomach, a combination of the physical
pain from my wrist, my slight hangover from chugging the vodka, and the intense emotions
I was dealing with making me want to throw the fuck up.
I sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching my hand out to her. I winced from
the pain but ignored it, running my fingertips softly across her cheek that was flushed from
sleep. I gazed at her briefly, taking in her beauty, seeing the love twinkling in her eyes. I
just needed to keep reminding myself of it, I needed to hold onto it. I needed to fucking
remember that it was her and I in this together when the bullshit threatened to consume
me. I had to cling to that, to keep myself afloat, so I didn’t get ripped down and swallowed
by the darkness again. Her love would pull me through it, it had to…
“It’ll be okay,” I said quietly. “We’re going to be okay.”
I hesitated briefly but leaned over, pressing my lips to hers. She moaned and brought her
hands up, linking them through my hair. I kissed her softly, sweetly, bringing my tongue
out to gently run over her lips.
I pulled away from her mouth and moved my hand, groaning at the pain. “I need to go get
this shit looked at,” I mumbled. She smiled sadly, nodding.
“Okay. I love you. So much,” she croaked out quickly, her voice breaking. I could tell she
was hurting and confused, and I knew she was aware that something was wrong and that
made me feel like shit, but she was trying to hold herself together for me and I appreciate
that shit. I needed her to keep herself together so I could keep myself together.
“You know I love you too. Sempre. Nothing will ever change that,” I said. “Nothing. Never
forget that.”
She nodded. “Sempre,” she repeated.
I stared at her a moment longer before getting up and walking out of the room. I slipped
into my bedroom and changed quickly, which wasn’t fucking easy when I could really only
use my goddamn left hand. I headed downstairs and spotted my father in the kitchen,
pausing long enough to tell him I was going to the hospital. He offered to let me ride with
him but I declined, telling him I’d rather go on my own. I headed out to the Volvo and
started the car up, glancing down and spotting the GPS jammer plugged into the lighter
socket. I felt like a fucking fool, knowing goddamn well my father would’ve known what the
goddamn thing was the moment he spotted it. I pulled it out and glanced around briefly
before opening the glove box and tossing it inside.
What the hell had gotten into me lately? Where was my fucking head at? I’d been so
goddamn blinded that I wasn’t thinking straight. I needed to just fucking chill out.
Driving isn’t easy at all when you’ve got a manual transmission and a bum fucking hand,
but I managed to make it to the hospital without wrecking the goddamn car at least. I
parked and headed inside, walking up to the woman sitting behind the desk in the ER. She
glanced at me with surprise, I guess fucking shocked to see me because I hadn’t had to seek
out medical attention in quite some time. I held my hand up to show her and she nodded,
no fucking words necessary. She knew I beat the shit out of something or someone. I
followed her back to an exam room right away, one of the perks of being the popular
doctors son, and she departed telling me someone would be in momentarily. I sat there in
the quiet exam room, lost in thought for God knows how long, losing my fucking patience
because I was tired and cranky and my goddamn hand hurt and I needed them to come fix
it up right that goddamn minute.
The door opened after awhile and I almost breathed a sigh of relief until the shrill voice
rang out and registered with my ears.
“Wow, I see the old Edward Cullen’s made a comeback. Relationship problems?”
I groaned, closing my eyes, the aggravation coursing through me. As if my goddamn day
wasn’t bad enough. “Fuck off, Heidi.”
Chapter 52 Circumstances
“The harder the circumstances, the more trying the environment, the stronger
are those who come out of those circumstances.” -- Sri Sathya Sai Baba
I stood in the doorway to Edward’s bedroom, biting my lip nervously. He was sitting in his
chair, slumped forward with his elbow on the desk and his head in the palm of his hand,
staring intently at his little black computer. He was pushing buttons nonchalantly, scrolling
through a page of text. He appeared quite bored from his body language but I could tell
from his occasional outbursts of profanity and his almost constant groans that he was
trying to concentrate, and I didn’t want to disturb him. I wasn’t entirely sure how long I’d
been standing there watching him, at least ten minutes. He hadn’t sensed my presence yet
or if he did he was choosing not to acknowledge me.
Edward’s temperament lately had gone through a slight shift, and I wasn’t entirely sure
what had caused it but it seemed to have started that afternoon when they’d decided to
have a ‘family meeting’. He’d stormed away from the table after the conversation had
shifted to talk of his mother, locking himself in his room and essentially going on a
warpath. He tore his room apart and had smashed the mirror in the bathroom with his fist,
breaking two fingers and his wrist in the process. He had a black cast on and only had use
of two of his fingers and his thumb on that hand now, which irritated him because it was
the hand he used most. I was surprised at how much seemed to have been effected in his
life by losing his inability to use his right hand and he seemed to constantly be complaining
about something because of it. He couldn’t write very well so he opted to use his computer
for everything. He complained that he couldn’t fiddle around with his guitar or play the
piano, which I didn’t understand what the big deal was because he rarely did those things
anyway. He seemed quite helpless honestly with how much he complained and I was
constantly offering to help him but he just grumbled and told me he could manage himself,
claiming to not want to be fussed over.
The fact that his right hand was messed up also meant that driving his car was nearly
impossible. He’d tried for a few days after he got his cast, refusing to give in and drive an
automatic, but after nearly wrecking it he finally conceded. He’d come home quite upset
that day, throwing things around and cursing. He’d left with Dr. Cullen early the next
morning and they were gone most of the day, returning that evening with a new car. It
hadn’t made much sense to me, why they’d go through the trouble of buying a new vehicle
when logically they could simply switch cars for a few weeks, but I didn’t say anything
because it wasn’t my place. I figured it was their money; they were free to spend it as they
chose and it had absolutely nothing to do with me, anyway. Edward had practically dragged
me out the front door when they got home to show the car to me, his enthusiasm a bit
startling. He’d been in such a bad mood up until that point that it was nice to see him
smiling brightly about something, even if it was a vehicle. I hadn’t paid attention to most of
what he’d been saying, because quite frankly I knew nothing about cars so when he rattled
off things like “torque” or “horsepower” I just nodded and pretended to understand and
listen, letting him have his moment of enthusiasm. After he’d gotten it all out he stared at
me expectantly, obviously awaiting some sort of reaction. I stared back for a moment
before just smiling.
“That’s great,” I mumbled, assuming whatever he’d just said was great in his eyes. He
stared at me for a moment longer before groaning and attempting to run his hand through
his hair, which was practically impossible with the cast. That was another thing that
irritated him.
“Did you even listen to a damn word I just said?” he asked, clearly aggravated. I sighed and
nodded hesitantly.
“Yes, of course I did,” I said. “You said it had torque and horsepower and rpm’s.” I just
pulled out whatever words he’d said that had registered with me, even if I had no idea what
they were, hoping he’d believe I’d been paying attention to him. He shook his head.
“All cars have those things, Bella,” he said. My brow furrowed and I stared at him with
confusion, wondering why he’d just told me all of that if it was something all cars had. “I
said it’s an Audi A4 Quattro Cabriolet. Three liter V-6 engine. Two Hundred twenty
horsepower at sixty-three hundred rpm’s. The torque is two hundred twenty-one at twenty-
three hundred rpm’s. Zero to sixty in seven point nine seconds.”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly, unsure of what that meant or how he even remembered all of
those numbers. “And that’s good, right?”
He nodded. “It’s damn near as good as my Volvo. Some would probably say it was better
but I can’t agree with that shit.”
I nodded and he gazed at me for a moment before turning and walking over to it. He ran
his hand along the hood and I watched him curiously as he pulled a set of keys out. He
opened the driver’s side door and sat down in the seat, starting the car up. After a moment
the top of the car started moving, and I realized it was a convertible. He turned the car off
eventually and got out, shutting the door and walking over to where I stood.
“So whatcha think?” he asked quietly, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me back
into him. He leaned down and pressed his lips against my neck softly, the warm wetness
sending tingles through me.
“It’s nice,” I mumbled, gazing at the car. It was silver and looked almost exactly like his
Volvo with the top down. I wasn’t sure what he expected me to say, since my knowledge of
cars was severely limited. “It looks like your other one.”
He sighed and pulled his mouth from my skin. “Don’t be ridiculous. The Audi is narrower
and shorter. The Volvo is sleeker and has a hardtop, unlike the Audi that has the black soft
top. They’re nothing alike.” I stared at it for a moment before turning my head to glance at
the Volvo.
“They’re both silver,” I mumbled. He chuckled, shaking his head.
“They aren’t even the same shade of silver, Bella. The Volvo is darker. So yeah they’re both
silver convertibles, whatever, but it was the only color Audi they had in. If you want
another color we can have it painted,” he rattled off. My brow furrowed in confusion.
“Why would I tell you to paint your car?” I asked, not understanding since he obviously
liked silver.
He groaned. “You really didn’t listen to a fucking word I said, did you? It’s not my car Bella,
it’s yours.”
My eyes widened with shock and I turned my head to gape at him, immediately thinking I
had to have heard him wrong. There was no way he’d just said it was my car. There was no
reason for me to have a car and quite frankly the idea of them buying me one was so
outrageous I couldn’t even comprehend it. Cars were expensive.
“Mine?” I asked hesitantly. He smiled and nodded.
“Yes, yours. I know it probably wasn’t fair that you didn’t go along to pick it out, but it was
really my father’s idea and I couldn’t exactly argue with him on it. I figured you’d like it,” he
said, shrugging. I stared at him with shock, absorbing his words. It had been Dr. Cullen’s
idea that I get a car?
“I, uh…” I started, turning my head to look at the car again. “I do like it. But why do I need
a car? I don’t understand.”
He sighed. “Because you know how to drive, Bella. That’s why. You need a car to get
around in when we’re gone during the day so you can run errands and shit, go grocery
shopping or whatever. Fuck, I don’t know, it just makes sense.”
I blinked a few times, trying to grasp what he was telling me. I couldn’t deny the bubbling
in the pit on my stomach, that surge of excitement threatening to boil up and explode out,
but I was trying to fight it back. It was just so stunning that it had to be some sort of
mistake.
“Wait,” I said when his words finally hit me. “You mean I’m supposed to go to the store and
stuff… alone?”
He sighed and nodded. “Yes. There’s no reason why you can’t. You’re not going to fucking
run off and you know how to handle yourself in public. No big deal,” he said, shrugging.
His nonchalance about the entire situation was startling. I stared at the car for a while;
neither of us saying much else about it at the moment. I was trying to grasp what was going
on and was pretty much stunned speechless. I had a car? I’d never even owned a pair of
shoes up until a few months ago and now I had my own car? And I was trusted to leave the
house on my own, to go out in public by myself? The concept was daunting and I couldn’t
deny it frightened me a bit, but at the same time it was exciting. Despite what Edward had
just said, it was a very big deal.
“Wow,” I said finally, feeling the emotion brewing up. Edward sighed and wrapped his
arms around me again.
“Welcome to independence,” he mumbled, leaning his head down to kiss my neck once
more.
I’d be lying if I said it went smoothly from there, because it didn’t. Edward drove the car to
school since it was an automatic, and locked his Volvo up in the garage until whenever his
cast was to come off. About a week after getting it, Dr. Cullen walked into the kitchen and
handed a little plastic credit card out to me, telling me to go to the store for groceries. I
stared at him with shock before reaching out and taking the card, my hand trembling. He
walked out immediately afterwards, no other words spoken, acting as if it weren’t a big deal
at all.
I asked Edward to go along with me but he refused, saying he had a lot of schoolwork to
catch up on. I was a bit frightened to go myself but I didn’t want to argue or make a big deal
out of it. I sucked it up, knowing I really had no choice, and mustered up as much courage
as possible to walk outside and climb behind the wheel of the car. It took me awhile before
I was brave enough to even turn it on, much less put the car in gear, but after some silent
pep talks I managed to pull away from the Cullen’s property. I nearly had a panic attack
after pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store and had to call Edward so he could
calm me down. I was afraid he’d be upset that I was hyperventilating and rattled, but he
was patient with me and talked me through it, staying on the phone with me nearly the
entire shopping trip. It was reassuring and I managed to get through the store quickly. He
hung up when I went to pay, and I was nervous using the credit card and signing my name
on the little piece of paper but I did it without any trouble.
To say I was proud of myself was an understatement. I’d never felt such a sense of
accomplishment before, and it was something petty that most people did without even
thinking, but to me it was a big deal. Edward told me he was proud of me and I could hear
the delight in his voice, which only increased my own satisfaction.
The next few times I went off on my own Edward ended up having to yield phone calls from
me and calm me down, but it was at the point now where I could do it without
overreacting. It was still intimidating, being off by myself, but it was getting easier with
every trip.
Edward cursed loudly, bringing me out of my thoughts, my attention focusing back to him.
“What kind of goddamn question is this? What the fuck does the 16th goddamn letter of the
Greek alphabet have to do with math? What is this shit?”
“Pi?” I asked, blurting it out without even thinking. He jumped at the sound of my voice
and swung his head around to look at me, his eyes narrowed. I guess he hadn’t known I was
standing there after all.
“Did you just ask me if I wanted a piece of fucking pie?” he asked. My brow furrowed in
confusion.
“Uh, no. The 16th letter of the Greek alphabet is Pi and it’s also a math, uh, thingy,” I
mumbled. He stared at me for a moment with confusion before what I said seemed to
register with him.
“Is it?” he asked. I nodded. “Well thank fucking Alex Trebex for that. He didn’t happen to
tell you how many of Shakespeare’s plays have ghosts in them, did he? Because I can’t find
that shit.”
“How many ghosts or how many plays?” I asked. He stared at me for a moment before
turning to glance at his book.
“Is there a difference?” he asked with confusion.
“There were four plays with ghosts in them but one of them had two ghosts,” I said
hesitantly. He glanced back over at me with surprise.
“You seriously know the fucking answer? Christ, Bella,” he mumbled. “You could do my
homework for me and save me a lot of fucking aggravation, you know.”
I blushed and he chuckled. “I don’t know that much, only what I’ve been told or seen, I
guess. And if I did your work, how would you learn it?” I asked. He shrugged.
“I don’t see myself ever needing to know this shit but I could always just memorize your
answers,” he said playfully, shaking his head as he typed something out. “Anyway, is there
something you needed?”
I sighed and he turned his head back around to look at me. “I was about to leave,” I
mumbled. He glanced over at the clock and nodded.
“Okay,” he said, grabbing a set of keys off of his desk. He held them out to me and I walked
over, taking them from him carefully. “I’m just gonna finish this shit up and run some
errands before I get ready. Have fun and for fucks sake, don’t let Alice do anything to you
that you don’t want done. Tell the pixie to back the hell up if she gets too pushy.”
I smiled. “I will. I’ll see you later,” I mumbled. He nodded and turned back to his computer
without another word. I stood there for a moment watching him before walking out.
It was the middle of the month of May now, slightly over four weeks since that afternoon
Edward had snapped during the family meeting. The past four weeks have felt almost like a
roller coaster ride, which Edward would probably pick on me for saying because I’d never
even seen a roller coaster in person much less ridden one, but it was how I imagined being
on one would feel. There were highs and lows, and sometimes the changes were so quick it
was impossible to brace yourself for it. The anticipation and excitement was always there,
brewing underneath the surface, but there was also a fear. A fear of the unknown, a fear of
the plunges, because Edward these days was quite unpredictable. There seemed to always
be an irritation with him that he was holding back, and I didn’t know if it was simply his
current situation or if there was more to it, but it seemed he was purposely trying to keep it
reigned in. Occasionally it would start to slip out and he’d be short with me and grow
annoyed easily, his temper flaring worse than usual. It was happening quite a bit lately and
sometimes he’d stop himself and apologize, but often he didn’t even notice it.
He never wanted to talk about whatever was bothering him, would always change the
subject and say he just wanted to focus on our future together and not dwell on stuff from
the past that couldn’t be helped or changed. I was confused as to what exactly he meant by
that and curious, of course, but there was no way I was prying or pushing him. I knew when
Edward wanted to talk about it he’d come to me, and until he did I would just allow him to
have his space. I tried not to take his irritation personally, because I knew I’d done nothing
wrong. It wasn’t like I’d caused any of it or been the person Mrs. Cullen had tried to help. I
barely knew her and she’d disappeared from my life well before she had died. I was just
another person she met in passing in her husband’s line of work. Edward said she was
always trying to help the kids in Chicago that came to the rape center she volunteered at… I
figure she must’ve crossed the wrong family while trying to save one of those kids.
Whatever it was obviously aggravated Edward, but he seemed to be dealing with it on his
own. He was a bit distant, not physically as he was still always by my side, but emotionally
he seemed somewhat detached. She still touched me and kissed me and told me how much
he loved me, but some of the passion I’d grown used to him showing was missing. I figured
it was simply another one of the side effects of everything he was dealing with and that it
would go away over time so I tried to let it slide. But still, there was that nagging feeling
inside of me, that small voice in the back of my head that was telling me something was
wrong, that I was missing a piece of the puzzle somewhere that would explain his behavior.
But I tried to ignore that feeling and silence that voice, because Edward wasn’t one to fake
feelings. I wanted to believe if there was something wrong between us, he’d tell me. He’d
never string me along or just go through the motions simply to appease me. If he told me
he loved me, I knew he meant it. I could still feel his love for me, I could see it in his eyes
and hear it more than ever in his voice as he whispered it to me at night when he thought I
was asleep.
I was worried for him, so I did everything I could to make him happy. And don’t get me
wrong, he seemed to be happy, but there was a subtle sadness mixed into it. That sounds
like such a contradiction, a happiness laced with sadness, but it was the only way I could
think of to describe it. It was kind of like a longing, nostalgia he was showing. I wished
there was more I could do for him but I figured just being there for him and giving him
time was the best answer.
I headed outside and climbed into the car, starting it up. My hands were shaking slightly,
as I was still always slightly nervous when I drove. I put the car in gear and started down
the driveway, heading across town for Alice’s house.
Today was a special day in Forks. It was the day of the big dance at Forks High School—
Prom. Three weeks ago Edward sprung it on me, casually telling me I needed to go
shopping with Alice that week if I wanted to be able to pick out my own dress. I was
confused and asked him what he was talking about and he simply said “Prom, Bella. You
need a dress.” I’d been stunned, as I knew about the dance but hadn’t expected to be taken
to it. I wasn’t a student or anything and I wasn’t so sure Dr. Cullen would allow it. I
expressed that to Edward and he told me I was being ridiculous, that I was his girlfriend
therefore I was going with him regardless of what anyone else thought. I agreed and went
with Alice to buy a dress a few days later, picking out a pretty blue one with dark golden
collared trim and matching shoes. It was sitting at Alice’s house, where I was now heading
to get ready.
To say I was nervous about going to a dance with Edward would be an understatement. I
was almost petrified. Not only was I about to spend the evening with him in close proximity
with everyone he went to school with, all of the girls he’d had previous encounters with, but
I also had absolutely not the faintest clue about how to dance. I was afraid of embarrassing
myself, of embarrassing him. He was so irritable and the last thing I needed was to irk him
in front of his entire school.
Alice kept trying to reassure me that things would be fine, that Edward would walk me
through it as he usually did with everything and that modern dancing was easy, but it did
nothing to make me feel better. I was completely out of my element.
Alice’s front door swung open the moment I pulled up in front of her house and she
stepped outside, smiling brightly. I shut the car off and got out, walking over to where she
was.
“Are you excited?” she asked enthusiastically. I smiled and nodded.
“Of course I am,” I said, not bothering to tell her my nerves were overshadowing my
excitement. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t want to go or that I wasn’t happy about it,
because I was.
“You’re going to look so amazing,” she blurted out, grabbing my arm and dragging me
toward the house. I laughed and followed her, waving briefly at her parents as she pulled
me inside. I’d been introduced to them a few weeks ago on one of the days I’d come over to
spend ‘girl time’ with her and Rosalie. Her father was a bit aloof but her mom was nice, as
far as I could tell. I followed Alice upstairs to her room, sitting down at her desk. She
started on my hair at once, immediately going into conversation about the dance and
Jasper.
“You starting the party without me?” Rose’s voice rang out after awhile. I glanced over and
saw her standing in the doorway, her hair fixed back into a twist with a few curls draped
down around her face. She already had her makeup done and looked stunning, like she’d
walked straight off of the front of a beauty magazine. She was wearing jeans and a button
up shirt, and was clutching a large white bag that I assumed held her dress.
“About time you get here,” Alice said, shaking her head and sitting the curling iron down
that she’d been using on my hair.
“Yeah, well, it took longer to do my hair than I thought it would,” she said, shrugging and
walking over, sitting her bag down on the bed. “I had to make sure it was perfect.”
Alice smiled. “It looks great,” she said. I nodded.
“It does. You look really pretty, Rosalie,” I mumbled. Rosalie and I got along for the most
part but she still intimidated me a bit. She glanced at me and nodded.
“Thanks,” she said nonchalantly. “So what can I do?”
Alice sighed. “You wanna finish her hair and I’ll get started on mine?” Rosalie nodded and
walked up behind me, starting to run her fingers through the curls Alice had made,
loosening them up some. Alice started working on her own hair, flipping the ends out and
spiking it up some. Rosalie started pulling the top half of it back, giving it body and pinning
it into place, letting the rest hang.
They were gossiping about people they went to school with, talking about who was going
with who to the dance. I just sat there, not really knowing anyone they were talking about,
so anything they said didn’t really register with me. Rosalie finished my hair and grabbed a
bottle of hairspray. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and held my breath, learning the hard
way in the past that inhaling hairspray wasn’t pleasant. She started working on my makeup
next, putting some shimmery glittery gold stuff on my eyelids. Alice finished her hair and
started working on her own makeup.
After the makeup was done they started pulling out dresses and I stood up nervously,
walking over and picking my stuff up off of the bed where Alice had laid it. They just started
stripping, not at all nervous about practically getting naked in front of each other. My eyes
widened with shock as Rosalie took her top off and stood in front of me in nothing but a
pair of underwear. I blushed and turned my head away quickly, hearing her laugh.
“I’m not ashamed of my body, you don’t have to look away,” she said. I glanced back at her
cautiously and she slipped her red dress over her head, straightening it out. “I have a look
but don’t touch policy. You can ogle the breasts all you want, but if you try to lay a finger on
them I’ll snap it off.”
I smiled lightly, still feeling the blush in my cheeks at their openness. I nodded and
hesitated, unsure of what to do. I wasn’t entirely comfortable getting naked in front of them
and I think Alice sensed it because she grabbed Rosalie’s arm, tugging on it. “Rose and I
will be in the bathroom,” she said, smiling and pulling Rose across the room. Rosalie
huffed and pulled away from Alice but didn’t argue, following her. The bathroom door
closed and I relaxed a bit.
I stripped quickly and put on my undergarments before pulling on my dress, making sure
not to mess up my hair. I straightened it out and reached behind me, trying to zip it up but
I couldn’t get it. I sighed with annoyance and gave up, figuring one of them would do it for
me. I stood there for a moment before the bathroom door swung open and Rosalie glanced
over at me.
“That’s a nice dress,” she said, walking over to where I was. She came up behind me and
pushed my hair to the side, grabbing the zipper and pulling it up. I wasn’t sure how she
knew I needed it to be done, but somehow she did.
“Thanks,” I said softly. She mumbled that I was welcome and took a few steps back, gazing
at me. Alice walked out of the bathroom and stood beside Rose, also looking at me. She was
wearing a soft yellow strapless dress.
“You’re right,” Rosalie said after a moment, cocking at eyebrow at me and smiling
mischievously. Alice nodded.
“I know I am,” she said smugly. Rosalie rolled her eyes but continued to smirk.
“Right about what?” I asked hesitantly, unsure of what they were talking about.
“Alice here thinks you’re going to have half the town in an uproar tonight with jealousy, the
girls wanting to be you and the guys wanting to be with you. I told her she was out of her
fucking mind, but I see it now. You’re about to take this place by storm,” she said. My eyes
widened slightly, my nerves flaring as shock coursed through me.
“Uh, I don’t know about that,” I mumbled. “I mean, they’ve all seen me before, I’m nothing
really special or new.”
Rosalie laughed. “So naïve. Yeah they may have seen you before, but tonight’s different.
Everyone knows the two of you are together and yeah, so maybe some of them saw him
touching you on New Years or whatever, but this is prom honey. I don’t think you get how
the people around here feel about his dumb ass. They either love him, which most of the
girls do, or they despise him, which most of the guys do. People around here either want to
be with him or want to be him, and it’s going to be no different with the girl that got his ass
whipped. Edward Cullen is about to come out officially as a taken man. You’ve got that boy
by the balls, he’s going to be all fucking over you tonight with the way you look.”
I stared at her with shock, feeling sick to my stomach. She wasn’t helping me calm down or
relax, was only making my apprehension grow.
“Don’t worry,” Alice added quickly. “It’s going to be great. You’re going to have a blast!”
I smiled weakly at her, nodding. “Yeah what she said. Enjoy it. Hell I do. They’re envious
bitches, they want what you have and they can’t have it. I take it as a compliment.”
“Okay,” I mumbled. I took a deep breath and walked over, slipping my shoes on. I sat down
and Alice and Rosalie chatted for a while, and I’d chime in with a word here or there but
remained mostly quiet. After awhile my phone started ringing and I got up, walking over
and picking it up. I glanced at the screen and saw it was Edward. I smiled and opened it up,
answering it.
“Hello?” I said softly.
“Hey, you coming home soon?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah. I’m about to leave now,” I said, glancing over at the clock and seeing it was
almost 5pm. I knew the dance didn’t start until 9pm but we were supposed to all meet up
for dinner in Port Angeles before then. Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper were all riding
together but Edward wanted to drive us separately..
“Can you stop by the store and grab some coke? I forgot to get some while I was out and if I
try to drive the Volvo again right now I’ll probably wreck the mother fucker,” he muttered.
“Sure,” I said. I could hear his irritation.
“There should be some cash in the glove box of the car. I’ll see you in a bit,” he said. He
hung up immediately afterwards, the line went dead before I could say anything. I sighed
and closed the phone, glancing over at Alice and Rose.
“I need to stop by the store and head home,” I said. They said okay and I started gathering
up my stuff, worried about Edward’s obvious bad mood. This night wasn’t looking very
good, based on Edward’s attitude and what Rosalie had said. Alice walked me out to the car
and told me not to worry, that everything would be wonderful, and I thanked her but her
words gave me no reassurance. There was no way she could predict how this night would
turn out.
I climbed in the car and started it up, driving across town to the grocery store. I parked and
shut the car off, opening up the glove box and shifting things around. I pulled out a tan
envelope and opened it up, grabbing some cash. I wasn’t sure why, but I’d noticed that all
of the Cullen’s kept an envelope of cash in their cars.
I got out and headed inside the store, my brow furrowing and the hairs on the back of my
neck standing up as I felt like I was being watched. I glanced around with confusion,
noticing everyone was staring at me for some reason. I felt self-conscious and put my head
down, walking quickly over to the soda aisle. I paused briefly in the aisle, unsure if I should
get a bottle or some cans. I opted for the cans after a moment and bent down to grab a 12-
pack of coke, my skin prickling as I felt a presence approaching.
“What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?”
The moment the voice rang out I tensed up, freezing with my hand on the soda. I closed
and my eyes and sighed. “ I’m not sure, Jacob,” I mumbled, shaking my head. I picked the
soda up and stood up, turning around to face him. I froze again as I gazed at him, stunned
to see he’d cut all of his hair off. It used to be long and shiny but was short and spiked up
now. He looked like almost a completely different person, and he was wearing a dress shirt
and tie with some black dress pants.
Ever since the day at the diner three months ago when Edward and I had seen Jacob,
running into him had become a regular occurrence for me. He seemed to be everywhere
and was always friendly for the most part. Our run ins always went basically the same
way—started out with a joke, morphed into polite conversation where he complimented
me, and then after that he’d make a comment about Edward and I’d express dissatisfaction
before we went our separate ways. He had a nice sense of humor and if it weren’t for the
fact that him and Edward hated each other, I could almost see myself being friends with
him.
“Nacho Cheese,” he said, grinning. I stared at him with confusion. “Get it, Nacho, Not yo’?
Not yo’ cheese, since it isn’t yours?”
The moment it clicked I laughed so loudly I snorted. I brought my hand up to cover my

mouth, so not to embarrass myself, and nearly dropped the soda in the process.
“Woah!” Jacob yelled, reaching down and grabbing it before it slipped from my fingers. He
pulled it from my hand and held onto it, grinning. “So you liked that one?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It was a bit, uh, cheesy though,” I said. He started laughing, shaking his
head at my attempt at a joke, and I giggled.
“Not only is she beautiful, but she has a sense of humor too. My kinda girl,” he said, not
surprisingly shifting right into the compliment. I blushed.
“Thank you,” I said. “I see you’re dressed up,” I mumbled, unsure of what to say. He
glanced down at himself and nodded.
“Yeah, well, it’s prom, of course I’m dressed up,” he said, shrugging. My eyes widened with
shock.
“You’re going to the dance?” I asked. He nodded. “But you don’t go to school here.” I
remembered Edward telling me they had their own school on the reservation. He raised his
eyebrows questioningly.
“True, but neither do you and I’m assuming you don’t look like a beauty queen right now
just for the hell of it,” he said. I glanced down at myself and blushed, suddenly realizing
exactly why everyone was looking at me when I walked in.
“I’m going with my boyfriend,” I mumbled. He sighed dramatically.
“Yeah, well, I’ve got a date also,” he said, shrugging.
“Really?” I asked curiously. He smirked and nodded.
“Yes, really. And don’t be so shocked. I may not be a pretty boy like Cullen, may not be as
big of a charmer, but I can pull my fair share of ladies too,” he said. “Speaking of Cullen…”
“Don’t even start,” I said quickly, cutting him off. He paused, holding his hands up
defensively.
“Hey, I wasn’t going to be mean. I was just going to say I’m surprised he’s letting you out in
public by yourself,” he said, shrugging. I stared at him for a moment.
“Why wouldn’t he? I can go to a store myself,” I said hesitantly. He gazed at me, raising his
brow questioningly.
“Can you?” he asked, a bit of seriousness to his voice that sent the nerves inside of me
rolling. “Really?”
I nodded. “Of course I can,” I said, eyeing him suspiciously. My heart was starting to pound
furiously in my chest. There was no way he could know the truth, Edward would’ve warned
me in advance if there was someone else out there that knew my true nature. But the way
he was looking at me, and the way he’d said that, sent my suspicion spiking.
“That’s nice to know,” he said nonchalantly. “Since you can go out by yourself and all that,
you should come down to the reservation some time and visit.”
My eyes narrowed slightly at the invitation. “Why are you so interested in me?” I asked. He
shrugged.
“You seem like a nice girl, I figured we could be friends. There’s no harm in being friends,
right?” he asked.
“Do you want to be friends with me because you want to get to know me, or do you want to
be friends with me because you know it’ll upset Edward?” I asked. “Because you don’t even
know me and I can’t understand why you’d even bother, unless it’s because you know
befriending me would irritate him. I can’t help but feel like you’re trying to use me because
you have a grudge and want revenge, and I can’t be friends with someone who wants to
hurt Edward.”
I spouted the words off, not even comprehending what I was saying until it was already
past my lips and lingering in the air between us. He gazed at me for a moment. “I’m not
that petty of a person,” he said finally. I sighed and shook my head.
“And how am I supposed to know that?” I asked, raising my brow questioningly. He

shrugged.
“You’d just have to trust me,” he said. I laughed dryly.
“I can’t,” I said. “I don’t just trust people.”
He stared at me curiously. “But you trust him?” he asked, a bit of disbelief in his voice. I
nodded hesitantly.
“I do,” I said. He rolled his eyes and groaned. “Nothing you ever say will change that, so
don’t waste your breath. I trust Edward.”
He held his hands up defensively once more. “Fine. That doesn’t mean you can’t trust me,
too, you know.”
I stared at him, a bit surprised by his imploring expression. I shook my head. “I, uh… I
need to get going. Edward’s waiting… for the coke… so, uh, yeah.”
I reached out and grabbed the soda from him and he hesitated but let it go. I turned and
started walking away, pausing briefly when he called my name.
“Isabella?” he said. I turned to glance at him and he smirked. “You really do look beautiful.
Cullen may be an asshole, but he’s a lucky asshole.”
I smiled lightly. “Thank you. I think I’m the lucky one, though.” I turned and walked away
quickly, hearing him groan at my statement and mumble something but not taking the
time to worry about what he was saying. It was the truth in my eyes. I did feel like I was
lucky to have Edward.
I walked up to the register, attempting to ignore the strange looks the cashier was giving
me. It was the same girl that was usually working, and I immediately wondered why she
wasn’t getting pretty and going to the dance, but figured it wasn’t my place to inquire about
a strangers life. I handed her the cash and she gave me my change, huffing and glaring at
me. I smiled regardless and thanked her, wishing her a good evening before grabbing the
soda and walking out. I headed out to the car and opened it up, sticking the soda in the
back seat. I climbed in and started the car up, putting it in gear and driving out of the
parking lot.
I drove back to the Cullen’s house, my brow furrowing when I pulled up in the driveway
and spotted a shiny sports car sitting out front. I parked near it and climbed out, grabbing
the soda from the backseat. I walked past the car and gazed at it. I’d definitely never seen it
before and had no idea who it belonged to. I headed up the porch and opened the front
door, immediately hearing a bang from the kitchen.
“What fucking took you so long?” Edward’s voice asked immediately, sounding irked. I
sighed and shut the front door, not even bothering with an answer. He was in a bad mood
and nothing I could say in response to his question would change it. He was still unaware
of my encounters with Jacob Black, and part of me wanted to tell him about them,
especially now. But I was afraid of his reaction and I didn’t want him to get into any trouble
by overreacting and going after Jacob. So I kept my mouth shut, and that was probably
wrong of me to keep things from him but I just wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
I walked through the foyer and paused in the doorway to the kitchen, stunned at the sight
of him. He had a black suit on with a white shirt, and had a blue tie. His hair was in perfect
disarray and I could tell he’d made at least an attempt to fix it. He was dressed up but
looked casual and laid back as usual. I glanced down and smiled, seeing he was wearing a
pair of blue, white, and black Nike’s that matched his outfit. That was so like Edward.
He turned his head to look at me and froze. I saw his eyes widen slightly as they raked
down my form and I felt the blush creeping into my cheeks. He hadn’t seen my dress or
anything yet, just knew it was blue and gold according to Alice. I walked over and sat the
soda down on the counter, opening it up and handing one of the cans of coke to him. He
took it carefully, his eyes never leaving me. I stood there for a moment, his silence eating
away at me, and the tension in the room growing. I had no idea what he was thinking,
couldn’t tell by his expression if it was even good or bad. He was simply gaping at me.
I turned after a moment and went to walk out of the room, my nerves getting the best of
me, but Edward reached out and grabbed a hold of my arm to stop me. I paused and turned
to look at him, and saw the corner of his mouth turn up into a small smile.
“La mia bella ragazza,” he mumbled, letting go of my arm. He reached his hand up and
ran the back of his fingers across my cheek. “You are breathtaking.” My blush deepened
and I smiled.
“Thank you,” I said. “You look handsome.”
His smile grew and I saw his eyes flicker briefly down to my lips. He hesitated but leaned
forward slowly, pressing his lips to mine. I moaned softly and he kissed me sweetly, his
tongue running gently across my lips. I parted them, waiting for him to deepen the kiss, but
he didn’t. He pulled back after a moment instead, bringing his pointer finger up to run
across my bottom lip.
“I don’t wanna mess up the makeup before I can show you off,” he said, smirking. I smiled
and nodded, trying to ignore the hurt I felt by him pulling back. It had become almost a
common occurrence the past few weeks, another consequence of his recent temperament.
He seemed restrained. He’d touched me a few times and I’d touched him, but we hadn’t
been completely intimate in awhile, since before the incident. He complained often that his
cast kept him from being able to pleasure himself, and I wondered if that was part of why
he was always so irritable, but he seemed to almost not want to get off or be intimate with
me and I didn’t understand why.
He turned his back to me and filled a glass with ice, opening his can of soda. I hesitated but
walked out after a moment, heading for the living area. I wasn’t sure what to do so I just sat
down gingerly on the couch, folding my hands on my lap. Edward walked in the room after
a minute and came over to where I was sitting. He sat his glass down on the table and slid
in the small space in front of me, sitting down on the table and facing me. He reached into
his pocket and pulled out a somewhat long but skinny black box.
“I got something for you,” he said quietly. My eyes widened with surprise as he opened the
box, pulling out a gold necklace. He sat the box down on the table beside him. “Turn
around and pull your hair up so I can put it on you.”
I did what he asked, shifting my body to the side and lifting my hair out of the way. He put
the necklace on me, fumbling a bit and cursing because his messed up hand didn’t make it
easy. He finally got it though and I let my hair drop, turning back around to face him. I
brought my hand up and fingered the small blue, white, a gold charms.
“Wow, it’s beautiful,” I mumbled, feeling my eyes well up with tears, the gesture
overwhelming and my emotions spiraling out of control. I fought them back, not wanting to
cry and mess up my makeup.
“Yeah, the charms are the hamsa and the evil eye. People believe that they give protection
from evil. Is supposed to bring positive energy and happiness or whatever. I’m not very
religious or superstitious, but I went looking for something for you and the man at the
store said people wear these to ensure that negative feelings of other people toward them
don’t cause them any harm. I figured after all the shit you’ve been through, you could use a
little protection,” he said. I looked at him with surprise, stunned at how much thought he’d
put into it.
“Thank you,” I said. He nodded.
“You’re welcome,” he said, reaching down and grabbing his glass of soda. He took a big
drink and the moment the shiver ripped through him I realized he had liquor in it. I
watched as he practically gulped down the entire thing. “I need to grab some stuff.
Everyone should be here soon for pictures or whatever.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said. He leaned over and kissed my lips quickly, a chaste innocent kiss,
and I could taste the liquor strongly on his lips. He got up and walked out of the room,
heading for the stairs. I sat quietly for a moment before the front door opened and closed,
footsteps heading toward me. I glanced up and saw Dr. Cullen walk in, his steps faltering
when he spotted me. He stared at me for a moment with a surprised expression on his face.
“Good evening, sir,” I mumbled nervously. He smiled softly, nodding.
“Good evening, Isabella. You look nice,” he said.
“Uh, thank you,” I said, a bit surprised by the compliment. He nodded in response and just
stared at me, his gaze making me uncomfortable. I heard footsteps on the stairs after a
moment and breathed a sigh of relief that Edward was returning. He walked over toward
us, pausing beside his father.
“Hey, son,” Dr. Cullen said. Edward nodded at him in greeting. “That’s a nice car outside.”
Edward smirked. “Yeah. And don’t worry, I just leased the fucking thing, I didn’t buy it. I’ll
give you the money back for it next month.”
Dr. Cullen sighed. “The money doesn’t matter. Just be careful driving it tonight, especially
if you’re going to be drinking.”
Edward laughed dryly. “It’s kinda late for you to start worrying about my fucking safety
now, Dad. I’ll be an adult in a month.”
Dr. Cullen shook his head. “I’ve always worried about your safety. It’s my number one
priority.”
“Well ya could’ve fucking fooled me,” Edward mumbled.
A tense silence fell over the room and I glanced around, wondering why things seemed so
strained between them. Edward sighed exasperatedly after a moment and turned, walking
away.
“Rompiballe,” Dr. Cullen muttered, shaking his head.
“I fucking heard that, asshole,” Edward yelled from the foyer.
The front door opened after a moment and I heard multiple voices immediately. Dr. Cullen
turned around to glance into the foyer, smiling. Alice and Rosalie appeared after a second
and greeted Dr. Cullen, and within a matter of moments Jasper and Emmett walked in.
“Damn, who the hell are you and what happened to Izzy Bizzy?” Emmett said, glancing
over at me and grinning widely. I stared at him with confusion, wondering what he meant
by that, and he started laughing. “You look beautiful little sis, real beautiful.”
I smiled and blushed, which made Emmett laugh even more. He’d taken to calling me his
little sister frequently over the past few weeks, the first few times startling me. It was so
odd being viewed by someone almost like family, part of me feeling like I was betraying my
mother by actually being happy about it. She was my only true family and she had no one
now.
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Edward said, walking into the room and
bumping into Emmett intentionally. “My girl’s always been beautiful. That’s nothing new.”
My blush deepened and he smirked, bringing the glass he’d refilled up to his lips and taking
a drink. “Whatever, so she looks good,” Rosalie said with annoyance. “Can we do this shit?
I’d like to eat and go to the dance at some point tonight.”
Edward shrugged. “Fine with me. I’m just ready to get this shit over with.” I frowned,
gazing at Edward as he tipped his drink back, finishing it quickly. He shuddered and
walked over to where I was, sitting the glass down on the table. He reached over and
grabbed my hand, pulling me up from the couch. “Come on, tesoro.”
He linked our fingers together and started leading me through the room, pausing beside his
father. He turned his head to look at me inquisitively. “Where’s your camera?” he asked.
“Uh, over on the shelf,” I said, nodding my head toward where the DVDs where. He
nodded.
“Grab her camera, too,” he said, turning to look at his father. Dr. Cullen nodded and
Edward started pulling me toward the door once more. We stepped outside and everyone
else followed. I paused right in front of the house and Edward hesitated before mumbling a
curse under his breath and letting go of my hand. He walked over and unlocked the door on
the sports car, reaching inside and grabbing a little plastic container. He pulled something
out and I watch him curiously as he tossed the plastic container into the backseat. He shut
the car door and started back over to me, holding what looked like small flowers.
“Let me see your hand, baby,” he said. I held my hand up and he slipped it onto my wrist. It
was pretty, some flowers that were a golden white color. I glanced over at Alice and Rosalie
and saw they had something similar on their wrists and realized it was some type of prom
tradition or something.
“Thank you,” I said softly. Edward nodded.
“Don’t mention it,” he mumbled. Dr. Cullen instructed us to line up and pose and Edward
wrapped his arms around me, pulling me back into him. He smelled amazing and I inhaled
deeply, taking in his rich scent. He leaned his head down and pressed a soft kiss on my
shoulder.
“Your father is watching, you know,” I said quietly, blushing. He didn’t restrain himself for
show in front of his father anymore, but it still felt sort of weird to me so I always tried to
remind him. He didn’t care though, as like usual he simply shrugged.
“Tanto gentile e tanto onesta pare la donna mia,” he mumbled quietly after a moment,
reciting the line from the Italian poem by the Dante guy, the same poem he’d recited when
we made love for the first time. Goosebumps popped up along my exposed skin and I
smiled. Despite his attitude, he could still be quite the charmer when he wanted to be and
remind me of exactly why I loved him so much.
Dr. Cullen snapped a bunch of pictures with a few different cameras, taking so many
photos that before he was done everyone besides Alice and I had started groaning with
irritation. He finally declared he was finished, to which Edward muttered, “Thank the
fucking Lord,” and we all set off toward our vehicles. Edward pulled a set of keys from his
pocket and unlocked the passenger side door to the shiny sports car, opening it up.
“You like the car?” he asked. I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, it’s… nice,” I said.
“Yeah. It’s an Aston Martin Vanquish, badass car. I’ve always wanted one and you gave me
an excuse to borrow one. I feel like fucking James Bond driving this motherfucker,” he
said.
“James Bond?” I asked, not knowing who that was. He glanced at me with surprise.
“Yeah, you know, 007? The secret agent bad ass spy?” he said. I shook my head no
hesitantly and he sighed. “It doesn’t matter, it’s just a movie. He drove one of these.”
I nodded. “Sorry,” I mumbled, feeling stupid for not knowing. He shrugged it off.
“I said it doesn’t matter,” he said, motioning toward the open car door. I gave him a small
smile and got inside, putting my seatbelt on as he closed the door. He walked around to the
other side and climbed in, starting the car up.
The drive to Port Angeles was quiet and my nerves were running amuck. After about thirty
minutes I couldn’t take the silence anymore and attempted conversation, hoping to pull
him out of whatever funk he’d found himself in. “This is a really pretty car,” I said, figuring
it was a good topic to start with since he said he liked it so much. “You couldn’t get one of
these instead of yours?”
He laughed, the sound not entirely happy or carefree. There was a mocking tone to it that
hurt a bit. “No, Isabella, I couldn’t. This car costs like six times more than my Volvo did,
there’s no way my father would fork over a quarter million dollars for a car. The only thing
he’d blow that much on is a house,” he said. He paused, shaking his head. “Or you, I guess.
He spent more than that for you.”
His words hit me hard, and I realized he didn’t mean it offensively but they hurt none-the-
less. “And yeah, I guess it is a ‘pretty’ car, if you can call a car pretty,” he said jokingly,
chuckling. “At least you didn’t just say it was fucking silver.”
I glanced away from him and stared out the window, biting my bottom lip nervously. I
didn’t speak the rest of the drive, afraid of embarrassing myself. It was ridiculous, because I
shouldn’t have to hold back with Edward. He was kind and patient and understanding and
loving, he didn’t judge me or mock me. But despite the fact that I still believed in his love,
the rest felt sketchy at the moment.
We got to the restaurant and Edward parked in the back, away from everyone else. He
parked the car sideways, taking up more than one spot so no one could park near him, and
climbed out. He walked around and opened my door, holding his hand out to me. I took it
and he linked our fingers together, shutting the car door. He led me inside, where his
brothers and their girlfriends were already waiting, and we were led to a table in the back.
Edward pulled a chair out and nodded his head toward it, motioning for me to sit down. I
obliged and he pushed my chair in, sitting down in the one next to me.
We ordered our food and drinks, both of which came quickly. Edward reached into his
pocket and pulled out a small metal container, opening it up and pouring some of whatever
was inside of it into his coke. We were all chatting nonchalantly while we ate, their
happiness and excitement thankfully drowning out Edward’s attitude for the most part. He
still occasionally said something that rubbed me the wrong way but someone would follow
up with another comment to lighten things up again. I wasn’t fond of this side of Edward
and it was a part of him I wasn’t very well acquainted with. I wondered if it was how he
used to be, if it was the attitude he’d always had before I came along that I heard about
from people.
At one point the waitress came by to make sure we all had everything we needed and she
was very obviously flirting with Edward. He ignored her like he usually did when girls
flirted with him, and when she walked away Rose groaned loudly.
“I hate skanks,” she said, shaking her head. “She could clearly see your girlfriend sitting
right beside you. Does she have any fucking self-respect?”
I smiled lightly and Edward chuckled. “Bitches can’t help it, Rose. I mean, can you blame
her? Look at me,” Edward said, shrugging. Alice sighed loudly and Rosalie groaned again.
“What the hell gotten into you?” Rosalie snapped, aggravated.
Edward’s brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?” he asked, irritated.
“Your attitude, that’s what. It’s a damn shame, I almost started liking you there for a
while,” she said. Edward’s eyes narrowed.
“Yeah, well, I never fucking liked you,” Edward snapped, his temper flaring. I tensed up
slightly at the hostility and glanced around the table, seeing everyone else looking just as
unhappy and uncomfortable.
“You’re such a fucking asshole, Cullen,” Rosalie said, shaking her head.
“So says the biggest bitch I’ve ever met, and I’ve met some big fucking bitches,” Edward
snapped back with. Rosalie’s eyes narrowed, her own anger flaring. Emmett hit the table
slightly hard with his hand, causing me to jump.
“Enough, both of you,” he said seriously. “Rose, baby, you know better than to start with
his ass in public. And Edward, I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but you need to
figure it out and fix it because I swear to God I am this fucking close to punching you in the
goddamn nose and laying your ass out.”
Edward’s brow furrowed, the anger still clear on his face as he glared at his brother. “What
the fuck have I done?” he asked. Emmett shook his head.
“Do you honestly not hear yourself? You’re starting to act more and more like the old you,
that prick you were before Isabella came along, and that is one asshole I have no desire to
ever know again,” Emmett said.
Edward’s eyes narrowed. “I am not,” he spat.
“Yes, you are,” Emmett snapped back with. “And I’m telling you right fucking now, little
bro, if you don’t fix the shit I will fuck you up. If you hurt her, I will make you regret it. She
deserves better that this shit, she deserves better than the way you’ve been treating her
lately.”
I sat quietly, watching Edward warily as his brow furrowed and he stared at his brother
with confusion. The tension at the table was thick and I started to panic a bit, feeling sick to
the stomach and not at all comfortable. “I, uh… I need to go to the bathroom,” I muttered,
standing up quickly and looking around. Alice stood up swiftly, telling me she’d go with me
and I thanked her. We walked away from the table before anyone else could really
comment and Alice showed me where the bathroom was, telling me she’d wait outside for
me. I thanked her again and went inside, breathing a sigh of relief once I was behind the
closed door and alone.
I stayed inside for a few minutes, just calming myself down. I didn’t want Alice to start
worrying about me so after awhile I opened the door and stepped back out of the
bathroom, freezing when instead of Alice I came face-to-face with Edward. He was
frowning, looking apologetic.
“Can we go talk, tesoro?” he asked quietly. I nodded hesitantly and he held his hand out to
me. I took it carefully and he started leading me toward the exit. I glanced over at our table
quickly and saw the other four chatting. I caught Jasper’s eye and he smiled sadly, giving
me a small wave. I waved back and turned back around, heading outside with Edward.
We walked over and got into the car, and Edward put the key in the ignition but didn’t start
it up. “I didn’t realize I was being such an asshole toward you,” he said quietly after a
moment of silence.
“It’s okay,” I said. He shook his head.
“No, it’s not. I mean, the shit wasn’t intentional but still, I shouldn’t be acting this way
toward you. Emmett is right, you deserve better than my attitude. I’ve just had a lot of shit
on my mind and I’m stressing out but none of it is your fault,” he said.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked. He glanced over at me. “Whatever’s bothering you,
do you want to talk about it?”
He sighed and attempted to run his hand through his hair, groaning when he was
unsuccessful. “Not really, and that probably makes me an even bigger asshole. But I just…”
he started, pausing. “Can we start this shit over? It’s prom, I’m supposed to treat you like a
princess and I’ve been nothing but an ass to you. You finally get a chance to experience just
normal teenage shit and I’m fucking it up for you. I mean, Christ, Bella. You look fucking
beautiful. I should be groveling at your feet, thanking you for even giving me a second look
after the shit you’ve gone through. You shouldn’t love me, quite frankly, but you do and you
don’t know how fucking thankful I am for that, how much I appreciate having you in my
life. And I know I don’t always act like it, but I always feel that way.”
I gazed at him with surprise. “I’m glad I have you in my life, too,” I said. He smiled softly.
“Good,” he said, hesitating but reaching over and running his pointer finger across my lips.
He leaned over after a second and kissed me softly, sweetly, his tongue coming out and
mingling with mine. He pulled back after a moment and we sat in the car for a while, just
talking about things. He was continually apologizing for how he’d been acting, and I still
wasn’t sure why but I was grateful he’d at least realized it. Darkness had fallen over us and
he glanced at his watch after awhile, squinting in the darkness to read it.
“You ready to head to this dance?” he asked. I sighed and nodded hesitantly.
“Sure,” I mumbled, trying to put on a brave front, although my anxiety was increasing now
that the time was getting closer. Edward started up the car and I put on my seatbelt.
“And I’m sorry about the Nike’s,” he said after a moment as he started pulling away from
the restaurant. My brow furrowed.
“What about them?” I asked with confusion, unsure of why he was apologizing to me.
He sighed. “Alice bitched at me for wearing Nike’s to prom, said it was tacky and gave the
impression that I didn’t care. But I really do, I’m glad to be going with you and shit, but I
really just like my fucking Nikes.”
I smiled. “I like the Nike’s too,” I said, shrugging. He glanced over at me and smiled, the
first truly genuine smile I’d seen grace his lips all evening, and reached over. He sat his
hand with the cast on it on my leg, rubbing lightly with his free fingers.
The drive back to Forks was relaxed, but by the time he pulled up toward the school my
nerves were back full force. There were cars everywhere, the place packed. Edward parked
the car in the back, away from everyone else once again, and helped me out. He grabbed
my hand and linked our fingers together, squeezing gently. “Relax, amore. You’re with me,”
he said, smiling. I smiled in return, nodding, his words reassuring me some but not entirely
squelching the nerves.
We headed toward the entrance and Edward reached into his pocket, pulling out what I
assume were our tickets. We walked inside and I froze, my steps faltering when I saw it was
decorated in gold tones, sparkling lights and glitter everywhere. I glanced around, almost
in a daze, completely mesmerized. I heard Edward’s voice but it didn’t register for a
moment that he was saying my name. I glanced over at him and saw he was watching me
cautiously, a small smile on his lips. “It’s so pretty,” I whispered.
He chuckled. “Come on, let’s go get our picture taken,” he said. My eyes widened with
surprise.
“More pictures?” I asked. He smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, we still have to take the real picture, the official one,” he said.
“Oh,” I mumbled. He tugged on my hand and I followed him, clinging onto him tightly as
he walked us through the crowd. I could feel the eyes on me, the hair on the back of my
neck standing up as people watched us, and tried to ignore it and focus on Edward. People
greeted him much like they did every other time I’d seen him around a crowd, almost like
he had some sort of celebrity status. It reminded me of Rose’s words about how people
viewed Edward, how they all either wanted to be with him or be him, and I could see it by
watching the way they interacted with him.
We made it over to the photographer and waited in the short line, our turn coming up
quickly. He walked me over to the backdrop and the photographer started fussing over us,
trying to position us correctly. It started aggravating Edward after a moment and he
groaned. “Just take the fucking picture, man,” he snapped. The photographer’s eyes
widened with surprise and he snapped the picture quickly without another word. I glanced
over at Edward and he chuckled. He grabbed my hand and pulled me away, smiling. “Let’s
go dance, baby.”
My heart started thumping wildly at the mention of dancing. “I, uh…” I started, panicking
slightly and glancing around at the people out on the dance floor. There was some rap
music playing that I didn’t recognize and I saw people where rubbing up against each other
and stuff. I had no idea what I was supposed to do.
“Relax, it’s easy. If these dim-witted bitches around here have enough brain cells to do it,
you’ll be a fucking champion at this shit. Crappy coordination and all,” he said jokingly. I
smiled lightly and he pulled me in front of him, his hands on my hips, and led me out
toward the dance floor. He stopped along the edge and the song stopped another one
starting up. “Fuck yeah, see? Perfect timing. It’s my song for you.”
My brow furrowed and he pulled me back against him tightly, both of his hands on my
hips. He started swaying us back and forth to the music, leaning his head down with his
lips right beside my ear. He started softly singing along to the song in my ear, the sound of
his voice and the feel of his body relaxing me and goose bumps and tingles coursing
throughout my body. After a moment the line ‘All I need in this life of sin, is me and my
girlfriend’ rang out and I finally recognized it as being the song Edward had his phone set
to ring with when I called him.
Edward moved my hips to the beat for a while, keeping a hold of me and leading me until I
started getting the hang of it. I was able to keep rhythm myself eventually, and he let go of
his grip on me. “See, tesoro, I told you. Piece of fucking cake.”
I smiled, blushing. I could still feel the eyes watching us but Edward’s warmth behind me
made me feel safe, his presence telling me that everything would be okay. We danced for a
few songs like that before he asked me if I wanted some punch. I nodded and he grabbed
my hand, leading me away and over toward a table of food and drinks. He grabbed two
little plastic cups and poured punch in them, glancing around briefly before reaching in his
pocket to grab his little metal container. He opened it and poured a bit in the first cup and
hesitated briefly before pouring some in the other one. He closed it up and slipped it back
in his pocket, grabbing the cups and handing one to me. I eyed him suspiciously and he
laughed. “It’s not a party without Grey Goose. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you before,
everything’s better with a little vodka in it.”
I smiled and brought the drink up to my nose, sniffing it briefly before taking a sip. It
wasn’t very strong and I could barely taste the alcohol. I shrugged and started drinking it
down, which made Edward laugh. “That’s my girl,” he said, raising his own cup and
chugging it down. He refilled them and we drank another cup of the punch with vodka, and
by the time the second one was gone I could feel the tingling and warmth spreading
through my body, relaxing every inch of me.
Edward refilled our drinks once more and he led me around, mingling with people. I had a
few girls give me evil looks and purposely tried to flirt with Edward in front of me, but I
ignored them and he blew them off. He always kept a hold of me at all times and kept
introducing me to strangers as his girlfriend, a few times referring to me as the love of his
life. It was stunning to hear, the sound of it sending my heart pounding frantically and
igniting the fire inside of me. Rosalie had been right. This was different than before. He
was coming out for real tonight, to everyone, as a taken man in love with a woman.
We were standing off to the side and Edward was chatting with one of his football
teammates about his wrist and football camp when I caught sight of Jacob Black from the
corner of my eye. I turned my head and froze, my eyes wide with shock when I saw he had
the red haired girl Tanya clinging to his arm. He glanced around the room briefly, his eyes
falling upon me. He stared at me for a moment and I turned my head around, glancing
back at Edward. I wasn’t sure how he was going to take Jacob’s presence, especially with
him being with one of the girls Edward used to be intimate with.
We danced a bit more and were chatting with Ben when all that punch I’d drank finally
caught up to me. I told Edward I was going to the bathroom and he nodded, telling me to
hurry back. I told him I would and reached up, kissing his lips quickly. I headed over
toward the bathrooms, feeling a bit uncomfortable off by myself as Edward had been by my
side the entire night, but it wasn’t as if he could go to the bathroom with me. It was
ridiculous anyway; he shouldn’t have to watch me so closely. I was used to going into public
around people now. I could handle myself.
I used the bathroom and was washing my hands when I heard the door open and close
behind me, a few female voices carrying my way. I glanced up and felt the tension
immediately, recognizing Tanya and that girl Lauren that I’d said some mean things to at
that party. I looked away from them quickly, looking back down at the sink and focusing
my attention on my hands. They were starting to tremble, my heart pounding furiously in
my chest. There was no way for me to get out without walking right past them, as they were
gathered by the door chatting. I could sense their eyes on me and I could feel their hostility,
the tension in the bathroom growing with their presence. It felt like they were like rabid
dogs, able to sense my fear and were just waiting to attack, taunting me.
I realized that they weren’t planning on leaving or even moving, and after a moment I
heard ‘Edward Cullen’ roll from one of the girls’ lips. I realized they were doing it
intentionally and there was nothing I could do to stop it, and the longer I stood there the
more obvious my fear was going to be to them. I’d been brutalized and tortured by grown
men, a few teenage girls shouldn’t frighten me. It wasn’t like they could truly cause me
harm, considering we were in public. I needed to just suck it up and put on a brave face.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into him, it’s gotta be some kind of bet or something, there’s no
way he’d be with trash like that willingly,” one of the girls said, Lauren from what I could
gather. The words stung, my insecurities boiling up. I swallowed the lump in my throat and
shut the water off, reaching over and grabbing a paper towel.
“I can tell you exactly what it is. She’s a live in whore, what teenage boy wouldn’t kill for
that? That’s all it is, a convenience,” Tanya sneered. I dried my hands off, biting my bottom
lip nervously, taking deep breaths and trying to push back the sickness I felt.
“But still, that’s just nasty. She’s not even fucking cute,” Lauren retorted with. I threw my
paper towel away and turned around, taking a few steps in their direction.
“Excuse me,” I mumbled, silently praying they’d just get out of my way and let me pass
without any trouble, but when none of them moved an inch I realized my prayers were
pointless. “I’d just like to leave.”
Tanya laughed viciously. “We’d like you to leave too.”
My brow furrowed and I glanced at her. Lauren giggled, the sound grating. “Yeah, as in
leave town, and leave Edward alone. You’re nowhere near good enough for him.”
I sighed. “I, uh…” I started, unsure of what to say. I glanced between them and saw each
had a smile on their lips, obviously enjoying my discomfort. My eyes fell upon Tanya and at
that moment something seemed to click. The way she was looking at me, the way she was
smiling and taunting, getting pleasure out of my displeasure… it reminded me of Jane. It
reminded me of all of those times she kicked me around and hurt me and taunted me and
there hadn’t been anything I could do about it. I had to just stand there are taken it, endure
it. But now… I didn’t have to take it now.
“I said excuse me,” I said firmly, taking another step forward. Tanya didn’t move out of my
way and I bumped right into her, my shoulder hitting her and pushing her out of the way. I
walked over and grabbed the door, swinging it open to step out.
“You bitch,” Tanya’s voice said behind me. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and I pulled away
quickly, clearing the doorway. Tanya stepped out of the bathroom behind me and I turned
around, seeing the anger on her face. She had her hand balled up in a fist and my heart
started pounding, knowing she was about to swing at me. She drew her arm back and I
flinched involuntarily, closing my eyes and throwing my hands up, waiting for the impact. I
felt arms grab a hold of me from behind and pull me away, and at first I imagined it was
Edward but after a second it clicked that the smell was wrong. It wasn’t sunshiny or sweet
like honey. It was musky, like pine and trees and nature. I opened my eyes quickly, tensing
up with surprise when I realized it was Jacob Black.
He grabbed a hold of Tanya’s arm as she swung, stopping her. “Whoa, Laila Ali, watch
where you’re swinging that thing,” Jacob said, gripping onto her he hand. She pulled away
from Jacob, narrowing her eyes.
“What the hell did you just call me?” she sneered. Jacob sighed, shaking his head.
“Laila Ali,” Jacob repeated.
“Who the hell is that?” she asked with annoyance. Jacob groaned in irritation.
“She’s a female boxer,” I said quietly. “Muhammad Ali’s daughter.” Tanya glared at me.
“Why are you talking to me?” she snapped, taking a step toward me. “Nobody fucking
asked you.”
“Hey now,” Jacob said, trying to step between us, but he wasn’t quick enough that time.
She reached her hand out and tried to hit me, but I moved my head back quickly. Her hand
hit my necklace and she grabbed a hold of it, yanking it. It dug into my flesh and I winced
as she ripped it off of me. She threw it on the ground and Jacob went to grab a hold of her
but was stopped suddenly by a red form appearing out of nowhere between them. I blinked
in confusion and realized it was Rosalie, and she shoved Tanya back roughly.
“You okay, kitten?” Emmett’s voice said behind me. I jumped, startled by his presence, and
turned my head to look at him. I nodded.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I said, reaching up to rub my neck.
“Good,” he said, giving me a small smile. He glanced over at Jacob and nodded. “Thanks
for helping Izzy Bizzy out, man.”
“Yeah,” Jacob mumbled. “Anytime.”
Rosalie was railing on Tanya, had her cornered and pressed against the wall. Emmett
walked over and wrapped his arms around her, telling her to calm down and let her go.
Rosalie huffed and pulled away from Emmett, glaring at Tanya. Tanya turned to walk away,
mumbling ‘fuck you’ under her breath, and Rosalie laughed dryly.
“No, fuck you. You stay the hell away, you don’t fuck with my family! I will cut a bitch!”
Rosalie spat. My eyes widened with shock and Emmett started laughing. Rosalie glanced
over at me briefly, before turning and stomping away. I just stood there, stunned, and
Emmett nudged me lightly and followed behind her, jogging to catch up.
Jacob reached down and grabbed my necklace from the floor, fingering it. “It snapped,” he
mumbled, holding it out to me. I took it from him carefully.
“I figured,” I mumbled. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “So, they consider you family?” he asked, a bit of curiosity in his voice. I sighed,
shrugging.
“I guess. Emmett does, anyway. He calls me his little sister,” I said. Jacob nodded, glancing
around.
“How old are you, Isabella Swan?” he asked.
“Eighteen,” I said immediately, knowing that was how old I was supposed to be according
to the ID Dr. Cullen gave me. Jacob nodded and stared at me for a moment.
“How old are you really?” he asked, quieter than before. I just stared at him.
“What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly, my heart rate starting to accelerate. I was getting
that weird feeling back that I’d had earlier when I’d run into Jacob at the grocery store.
“What I mean is, I’ve known the Cullen’s for a long time. We used to be pretty close, ya
know, spent a lot of time together. And sometimes when you spend a lot of time with
people, you learn things about them. No one ever came out and told me anything, but that
doesn’t mean I don’t know,” he said, his voice completely serious. I felt the anxiety brewing
upon his words.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. He nodded.
“I’m not an idiot. I like my life and have no intention of dying anytime soon, that’s for
damn sure. I know how to keep my mouth shut and Dr. Cullen knows it too, which is why
I’m still walking around,” he said. My brow furrowed.
“Dr. Cullen knows you know?” I asked with surprise. He nodded.
“Yeah he does. And I’m glad you’re not pretending to be ignorant anymore. Look, I can’t
save you or rescue you, I’m just a kid myself and you’re right, I don’t really know you. But
that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad and lose sleep knowing someone like you is trapped in
that situation with no way out,” he said.
I gazed at him for a moment before glancing around, nervous about the fact that we were
talking about this in public where people could overhear. “They’re nice to me,” I said
quickly. He nodded.
“I’m sure they are, but that doesn’t make it right. And it makes me sick what Edward is
doing, taking advantage of you like he is,” he said with disgust, shaking his head. My eyes
narrowed.
“Edward loves me,” I said, irritated that he was insinuating otherwise. He shook his head.
“I have a hard time believing he loves anyone but himself,” he said. “He’s an asshole,
Isabella. He’s selfish.”
I shook my head. “I love him,” I said, growing angry.

“Let me guess, he’s the first person to treat you that way? He smiles at you and whispers
sweet nothings in your ear? He speaks Italian to you to make you swoon? Yeah, he did that
shit with nearly every girl in this room at some point. That’s who he is. He’s a womanizer.
You may think you love him but you just don’t know any better,” Jacob said. I glared at
him, my temper raging.
“I love him, and he loves me, and nothing you say is going to change my mind Jacob
Black,” I snapped. He seemed surprised by the passion in my voice and nodded after a
second.
“Fine,” he said, shrugging. “But like I said before, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.
You can talk to me, you know. If you ever need to talk about things, I’m around.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why do you care so much?”
He shrugged. “Because somebody has to,” he said.
I opened my mouth the retort and tell him that people did care, that Edward cared, but
before I could say anything the voice rang out behind us, seething.
“What the fuck?” Edward said. I turned around quickly, my eyes wide with shock, and I
heard Jacob sigh. Edward was glaring at him and walked over to me, wrapping his arm
around my waist. “You leave her the fuck alone, you hear me?”
I sighed as Jacob shook his head. “He was helping me, Edward.” I said, not wanting him to
get the wrong idea and go through a repeat of the incident like when that boy Michael
Newton was helping me and Edward beat him up.
“What do you mean he was helping you?” he asked. I shrugged, not wanting to get into it.
“Some of your puttanas, or whatever the hell you call them, cornered her. One of them
tried to take a swing at her. I just did what any man would do,” he said shrugging. “Well,
actually, never mind. I guess most would’ve stood back and watched two hot chicks going
at it. But I didn’t want Tanya to get her ass beat at Prom. I’m still hoping for a little action
tonight.”
Edward glared at him for a moment before turning to look at me. “Tanya tried to fucking
hit you? Again?” Jacob scoffed.
“So I see it’s not a one time occurrence,” he muttered.

“Shut the fuck up and mind your own goddamn business before I make you,” Edward
snapped. My heard started pounding, his anger frightening me some.
“Uh, yeah but she didn’t. She just ripped my necklace,” I said, holding it up to him. He took
it from me and cursed under his breath, slipping it into his pocket. Someone came over the
loudspeaker about some kind of royalty and Edward sighed.
“Come on, Bella,” he said, starting to pull me away. I gave one last glance at Jacob before
turning around to follow Edward.
“Knock knock,” his voice rang out behind me. I sighed, feeling slightly guilty just letting
Edward lead me away after what Jacob had done for me, and turned to look at him once
more.
“Who’s there?” I asked, pausing. Edward stopped moving and glared at Jacob, obviously
not amused.
“Tank,” Jacob said, smirking.
“Tank who?” I asked, getting it the moment the words rolled from my lips. Tank Who;
Thank You. I giggled.
“You’re welcome, Isabella.”
Edward groaned, shaking his head. “Always so fucking immature,” he muttered, pulling my
arm again to walk away. I gave Jacob a small smile and he smiled in return, waving.
“Pot meet Kettle, Cullen,” Jacob shouted. Edward grumbled something in Italian under his
breath, finocchio, which sounded kind of like the cartoon puppet Pinocchio. We walked
through the crowd to the other side of the room and some lady stood up on a platform
where the guy playing the music sat, grabbing a microphone. The music got turned off and
the lady started talking about royalty again, and Edward paused and wrapped his arms
around me, pulling me into a hug.
“You okay, tesoro?” he asked. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I swear to you, they won’t get away
with this shit.”
I sighed, squeezing him and snuggling into his chest. I felt warm and safe in his arms,
breathing in his scent.
“I’m fine, Edward. And she didn’t really hurt me so don’t hurt her,” I said. He exhaled
loudly.
“I’m not going to lay a finger on her, I promise,” he said. I could tell her was choosing his
words carefully and had a feeling he was already concocting some type of revenge, which
scared me a bit but I didn’t have the energy to try to talk him out of it. Once he set his mind
to it, he’d get back at them somehow no matter what I said.
We stood there for a moment before Rosalie and Emmett’s names were announced, people
cheering. My brow furrowed in confusion and I glanced over, watching as they stepped up
on the stage. Emmett was grinning widely and Rosalie had her usual fierce expression on
her face. “Did they win something?” I asked. Edward nodded.
“King and Queen. It’s just a popularity contest or whatever, who looks the best,” he said.
“And you didn’t win?” I asked, glancing over at him. He chuckled, shaking his head.
“You have to be a senior to win, so next year,” he said, shrugging. I snuggled back into his
chest, gazing up at the stage, watching as the lady gave Emmett and Rose crowns. Emmett
took the microphone from the lady and Edward started chuckling. “This ought to be good.”
“Wow, I don’t even know where to start. You like me, you really like me!” he said in a mock
high pitched voice. Edward laughed again. “First of all, I’ve got to thank my first grade
teacher in Chicago, what was her name. Mrs. Johnson? Jacobs? Jameson? Prescott, yeah,
that was it. Mrs. Prescott. Man, I had such a crush on her. Even at 5 I had awesome taste in
women, just look at my Rosie over here. Isn’t she banging? Anyway, I need to thank Mrs.
Pentecostal because she told me that I’d never win anything because I was a quitter and
that kinda hurt man. Who tells a 5 year old they’ll never win anything because they suck? I
guess I showed her. So take that Mrs. Presley, who sucks now? Come to think of it, she did
have some big ol’ lips. I bet she did suck, kinky bit—“
A loud squeal rang out and I cringed at the noise while everyone started laughing loudly. I
saw Rosalie was holding the microphone, shaking her head. “Thanks,” she said
nonchalantly.
“Hey I wasn’t done!” Emmett yelled. Rosalie glared at him, narrowing her eyes, and his
grin grew. She held the microphone out and he tried to take it but she shook her head no,
smacking his hand away. She held it up to him so he could speak in it and he laughed.
“Thank you everyone, and screw you Mrs. Parker!”
Edward laughed again and I glanced at him, smiling. “What was Emmett’s kindergarten
teachers name?” I asked out of curiosity.
“Uh, that would be Mrs. Campbell. She was an old lady with white hair,” he said, still
laughing. I giggled, realizing he’d been completely full of himself on stage.
Some soft music started playing after a second and the crowd parted somewhat for Rosalie
and Emmett to take a spot in the middle. People started pairing up and Edward put his
hands on my hips, drawing them closer to him. I brought my hands up and wrapped them
around his neck, gazing at him and smiling.
“I requested this song,” he said softly. My eyes widened slightly with surprise.
“Did you?” I asked. He nodded.
“More like I bribed the DJ with cold hard cash for him to find this motherfucker and play
it,” he said. “That’s where I was when you were in the bathroom.” He licked his lips and
leaned down, kissing me softly. He started swaying us to the soft music and when the
words started, he sang along. His voice was quiet and gentle, the sound sweet and sending
tingles through me. He held me close, kissing me sweetly while singing against my lips.
It took a moment for it to register that the guy was singing in Italian, and I had no idea
what he was saying but it sounded sweet. After a moment a woman came on and started
singing in English.
“There is no reason, there is no rhyme

It's crystal clear
I hear your voice
and all the darkness disappears
Every time I look into your eyes
you make me love you.”
I smiled softly, feeling the love swelling up inside of me, the electricity brewing between us.
This was my Edward, my sweet protective boyfriend who wasn’t afraid to let his guard
down and let me inside of him. It was the side of him that had been distant the past few
weeks.
“I belong to you, you belong to me

Forever
Want you
Baby I want you
And I thought that you should know
That I believe
And you're the wind that's underneath my wings
I belong to you, you belong to me”
We danced slowly to the song, every movement and soft word that came from his lips
consuming me. We were in the middle of a crowded room but at that moment, there was no
one there but us. He was all I saw, all I was aware of. His face, his smell, his warmth, his
love. It was all that mattered.
I felt the emotion taking control, tears threatening to spill over. The song wound down and
he stopped moving, his hands on my hips stilling me. We just stood there and stared at
each other, and everyone else started dancing to a rap song but we seemed almost oblivious
to it.
“Can we…” I started, pausing because I wasn’t sure if I should say it or if it was stupid, if
he’d even want to because he hadn’t seemed to want to lately. But in that moment I wanted
him. I wanted to be with him, to feel him again.
I didn’t have to clarify or even complete my thought, because he seemed to be thinking the
same thing. The corner of his lips turned up and he nodded, letting go of me. I removed my
hands from around his neck and he glanced around briefly before shrugging.
“I was going to say goodbye but I don’t see any of those fuckers,” Edward said, grabbing my
hand. I glanced around, also not seeing his brothers or Alice and Rosalie.
“I haven’t seen Alice and Jasper all night,” I said, realizing they’d been missing. Edward
nodded.
“I saw them for a moment but they probably snuck off to a closet somewhere, fucking like
jackrabbits,” he said. My eyes widened with shock.
“What?” I said. “Like, here?” He chuckled.
“Yes, here. Half the people in this room have fucked somewhere inside the school,” he said,
shrugging like it was no big deal but it was startling to me. People have sex at school?
“Have you?” I asked. He glanced at me, looking slightly caught off guard by my question.
“Yeah,” he said. “But none of them mattered to me. I was just getting a nut. But you? You
matter. That’s why I’m taking you home and laying you out and doing you right.”
The words sent a shiver down my spine and I tried to stop it but it was fruitless. He
chuckled when he saw my reaction. “Okay,” I said softly, smiling sheepishly.
He pulled me through the crowd, saying goodbye to people as we passed them. We headed
outside and were walking out toward the car, holding hands and just strolling, when I
heard the familiar voices once more. Edward chuckled and I glanced up, noticing Jacob
and Tanya standing a few feet away from the car Edward had borrowed. They were leaned
up against Tanya’s white car, the one Edward had dented that day at the house. They were
kissing and I blushed when I saw Jacob reach down and grab Tanya’s butt, squeezing it.
She pulled back from him and laughed.
They must’ve heard us approaching because they both glanced over at Edward and I at the
same time. I looked away from them and Edward chuckled, shaking his head. He went
straight for the car and walked around to the passenger side, unlocking the door for me.
“Should’ve known that shit was yours,” Jacob said. “What other douche bag would be
trying to play James Bond.”
Edward didn’t respond and I went to slip into the car but Edward grabbed a hold of me,
pulling me to him. He smashed his lips against mine, kissing me fervently. I was stunned
for a moment at the intensity but started kissing him back, losing my breath. He pulled
away after a moment and I started panting, trying to regain my composure. Tanya was
cursing loudly, yelling at Jacob about him not renting her a nice car. Edward smirked,
enjoying Jacob’s discomfort, and shut my door. He walked around and opened his door,
pausing briefly.
“You have fun with your little battona, Jacob,” Edward said.
“Fuck you, you slept with her, what does that say about you?” Jacob snapped back. Edward
shrugged, looking amused.
“We all make mistakes, Jacob. I’ve learned from mine,” he said simply. “Looks like she’s
your puttana now, not mine.” He climbed into the car and shut the door, blocking out the
sound of Tanya’s yelling, as she wasn’t very pleased with what Edward had said. He started
it up and put it in gear, slamming the gas and spinning the tires. The car flew forward
quickly and he sped away, reaching his hand over and running it up my thigh. He was
pushing my dress up in the process, going straight for my center.
“What are you doing?” I asked with shock. He chuckled, shaking his head.
“I’m making you feel good, that’s what I’m doing. It’s been too long, I can’t wait,” he said,
his voice strained. My eyes widened.
“Here? Now?” I asked.
“Yes, here. Christ, I’m not going to fuck you here; I just need to touch you. I want to make
you come,” he said.
“Uh, but…” I started, gasping as he slipped his hand inside my underwear. “Your hand…
it’s… hurt.”
He sighed and started rubbing circles around my spot, sending sparks through my body.
“I’ve got some fingers that work perfectly fucking fine. Relax, tesoro. Come for me.”
I shuddered as he pressed harder against me, rubbing faster. I felt the tension mounting
immediately, my desire souring out of control. He was flying through the streets, speeding
and touching me frantically, and a part of me was scared and wanted to scream for him to
slow down before he crashed, but another part of me was being consumed by thrill. It was
an almost animalistic side and I was groaning loudly, my body trembling. I started tensing
up and gripped onto the door as the pleasure ripped through me, a scream escaping my
throat as orgasm took me. I heard Edward moan and he continued to rub, trying to pay
attention to the road.
“Fuck baby, I can’t wait to get inside that,” he said, his voice gritty and sending another
shiver through me. He swung a hard right onto the driveway and I yelled, afraid he was
going to clip a tree or something, but he kept control of the car and pretty much ignored
me. He pulled up in front of the house and slammed on the breaks, the car skidding to a
stop roughly. He finally removed his hand and put the car in park, shutting it off.
“Did I say something once about getting you off in the car while I drove?” he said playfully.
I glanced over at him and blushed, making him chuckle.
“Yeah I think so,” I said. We both sat quietly for a moment before I started laughing,
coming down from the odd high I’d just been on, the mixture of my orgasm and the
adrenaline rush. Edward laughed along with me briefly before getting out, walking over
and helping me out of the car. He pulled me toward the house, unlocking the door quickly
and pushing buttons on the alarm pad. Before I could even speak or make a move he was
on me, pulling me to him and pressing his lips against mine passionately. I moaned as he
nipped at my bottom lip, groaning. He walked me backwards toward the stairs and I nearly
tripped over them when we got there, but he grabbed a hold of me to keep me upright. He
chuckled and pulled back from my lips, grabbing my hand and leading me upstairs.
We hit the third floor quickly and he pushed his bedroom door open, pulling me inside. I
laughed at his enthusiasm and he pushed the door closed, smirking mischievously as he
approached. I kicked my shoes off and removed the flower from my wrist, tossing it over on
Edward’s desk. He grabbed a hold of my dress and started pulling it off of me at once. I
raised my arms and he pulled it the whole way off, glancing around before just tossing it on
the floor. He reached around to undo my bra and fumbled briefly because of his cast but
eventually got it and let it drop between us. He lowered his head and went straight for my
breasts. He started licking and sucking on the nipples, nipping at them lightly with his
teeth. I moaned and laced my fingers in his hair as the pleasure from the sensitive spots
ricocheted through me.
“I need you,” he mumbled, standing upright again and going for my lips. I started fumbling
with his tie, trying to get it undone. He helped me strip him, taking everything off quickly,
no hesitation. We were both desperate for this, both needing to feel the other badly.
He grabbed a hold of me once we were both completely naked and tried to pick me up, but
because of his arm he couldn’t get a good enough grip on me. He cursed and decided to just
walk me backwards to the bed, kissing and nipping at my neck. I crawled up on the bed in
the center and he hovered overtop of me, smashing his lips to mine passionately. His
tongue ran across my bottom lip and I parted them for him. He deepened the kiss and
nudged my legs apart, pushing my knees up. I felt the tip of him rub against me and
moaned, shifting my hips. He chuckled.
“Are you eager, baby?” he asked playfully. I mumbled a ‘yes’ in agreement, not even
bothering to play shy about it. He hummed in response, kissing me once more and pushing
my legs open wider with his hips. He reached down between us and grabbed himself, and I
felt his tip against my center again. I moaned once more, but before the sound could escape
in it entirety he plunged himself inside of me in one swift movement. I cried out as the
pleasure coursed through me, the sensation of him filling me intense. He was so big and I
was so tight wrapped around him.
“Oh God,” I mumbled breathlessly as he started thrusting in and out of me. It felt so good,
better than I remembered. Edward was groaning and murmuring against my skin as his
tongue and lips caressed my exposed flesh. Goosebumps sprang up everywhere and I
gripped onto him tightly, arching my back.
“So fucking good,” he said, running his tongue along my ear and taking the lobe between
his lips, sucking it gently. It was startling how good it felt, his breath against my ear. “La
figa dolce e stretta. God you’ve got a sweet pussy. So tight, amore mio.”
He was thrusting into my fully, pulling out completely before filling me in one swift
movement. I was groaning and writhing, feeling the tension mounting. “Oh, Edward,” I
panted, running my hands up his back and through his hair. He was developing a light
sheen of slick sweat all over his body and I pressed my lips against his neck, tasting the
saltiness.
He was having a hard time keeping his weight off of me because he couldn’t hold himself
up with his right arm and his body was pressed tight up against mine. The sound of our
bodies rubbing against each other, and from our sweat and the wetness seeping from
between my legs was ricocheting through the otherwise silent room.
He tried to push himself up after a moment to reached between us and cursed. He sat up to
his knees and grabbed my legs, pulling my closer toward him. He started shifting his hips,
thrusting in and out of me, while his hand came down and rubbed against my spot. “You’ve
gotta fucking cum for me, baby. I need to feel that shit squeezing my dick.”
A shiver ripped down my spine at the tone of his voice, the lust and need and desire for me
in every syllable. I felt the tension growing again, the pleasure growing. He started
increasing the pace of his thrusts and the firmness of his fingers, sensing my impending
orgasm. “That’s it, Bella. Let go.”
A few thrusts later I tensed up as the pleasure rocked through me, my body exploding in
orgasm once more. I screamed his name, digging my fingertips into his thighs, clutching
onto him as he thrusted into me. He grunted as I started convulsing around him and he
rode me through my wave of pleasure, never faltering his movements. My body relaxed
after a bit and he removed his fingers, lying back down on top of me. I wrapped my arms
around him tightly, clinging to him. My legs felt like mush, every muscle in me relaxed.
“Shit, tesoro,” he grunted. He thrusted a few more times, his breathing labored. “I’m…
gonna… fucking… come…” he panted.
A few moments later he tensed up, letting out what was practically a growl. I whimpered as
he slammed his pelvis against mine a few times, the mixture of pleasure and pain almost
agonizing. He spilled his seed inside of me, the warmth seeping out and running down my
thighs. I clung to him as he stilled, trying to get my breathing under control as he did the
same. He hovered overtop of me for a moment before pulling out, hissing at the loss of
contact as he started to soften. I let go of my hold on him and expected him to move, but
instead he lay down with his head on my stomach. I reached down and started running my
fingers through his locks that were dampened from sweat now.
We were both quiet for a while. I stroked his hair and he caressed my side and thigh,
drawing patterns in my skin with his fingertips. I wondered what he was thinking, why he
was so quiet, but part of me was afraid to ask.
“I’m sorry,” he said eventually, his voice quiet but shattering the silence of the room. “I’ve
been holding back and I know that’s not fair to you. I just… I love you, so much. Please
don’t take it personal. Just, don’t give up on me, okay? I know I’m a pain in the ass but I
need you to keep me afloat. You’re the only good thing I’ve got.”
I lay quietly, my hands stilling in his hair. “You shouldn’t apologize to me,” I said, feeling
guilty that he was practically imploring me to forgive him for something I, myself, have
been doing. I’ve been holding back from him, keeping things away from him and I realized
they were things he should know. I felt so guilty, because he was giving me everything. He
was trusting me, giving me safety and love, risking himself to try to give me freedom the
only way he knew how. He’d taken me to his high school prom and that was something I
never imagined I’d ever experience. A high school dance, wearing a pretty dress,
surrounded by people my own age and with a devastatingly handsome boy who loved me.
He loved me, and he’d made love to me. And how do I repay him? I mislead him and keep
things from him. I felt so inadequate sometimes, like I didn’t deserve him and I knew it was
just my insecurities eating away at me but now… now I truly felt like I didn’t deserve him.
I realized I had to come clean, for both of our sakes.
“Edward,” I said quietly, stroking his hair again.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“I, uh… I’ve been holding back, too,” I mumbled nervously. His fingertips stilled mid-
pattern on my stomach.
“How so?” he asked hesitantly. I sighed, unsure of what to say or where to start. I was quiet
for a moment, trying to work things through, before just giving in and blurting out the
thing that was most weighing heavily on my mind…
“Jacob Black knows.”
*****
Rompiballe = pain in the ass

Battona = streetwalker (whore)
Puttana = whore
La figa dolce e stretta = sweet & tight pussy
amore mio = my love
Chapter 53 Saint
"A man does not have to be an angel in order to be saint" -- Albert Schweitzer
I lay with my head on Isabella’s stomach, my hand still on her hip. Her fingers were
running through my hair and I could feel them trembling, her entire body shaking lightly.
Usually I’d love that shit, feeling her tight little body quivering under me, but not today.
Not right now. Because she wasn’t quivering from me fucking her silly; she was quivering
because she was afraid. She was fucking scared, and I didn’t like that shit one bit.
“What do you mean Jacob Black knows?” I asked hesitantly, unsure of what the hell she
meant by that or why she was even bringing that motherfucker up.
“He knows about… uh… me,” she mumbled, her words barely coherent. My brow furrowed
and I sat up quickly, my movements startling her. She flinched and her eyes widened with
shock as I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.
“What are you talking about? What does he know about you?” I asked. She just stared at
me, not opening her mouth to answer, and my impatience was growing. I didn’t know
where the fuck she was going with this, but I didn’t like it at all. I didn’t want to talk about
that asshole, she knew how I felt about him, so for her to bring that prick up now meant
that whatever the hell was bothering her was a big goddamn deal. And she needed to tell
me what the hell it was so I could make the fear she was obviously feeling, based on her
expression, go away.
The past month has been one of the most complicated months of my life. I can’t remember
ever feeling so confused, completely aggravated, and testy and not knowing what the hell to
do with myself. My emotions were completely out of control; the love and anger I felt were
at odds with each other. It was like some kind of epic battle was brewing inside of me,
different sides fighting for control of my heart and mind. Everything was just utterly
fucking complicated and it was driving me over the edge, making me lose grip of myself.
I was short-tempered and ill, my mouth opening and shit spewing out without me even
realizing it. I was being an asshole and falling back into old patterns, and it wasn’t helping
that I hadn’t been able to come in goddamn forever. My right hand was fucked up so
jacking off wasn’t that easy of a task. Emmett said some shit about how jacking off with
your weak hand felt like you’re with someone else so I gave that shit a try and nearly kicked
his ass afterwards. It was awkward and clumsy and wasn’t working at all. I gave up before I
even got off, pissed because I’d fucking failed.
In fact, that’s how I felt the entire month. Like a big fucking failure. I couldn’t seem to do
anything right, every waking hour spent fucking something up. I couldn’t focus in school, I
almost wrecked the goddamn Volvo, and I’d been the shittiest boyfriend on the planet. She
didn’t deserve the way I treated her, but I couldn’t help the shit, especially considering I
didn’t even fucking realize I was doing it most of the time. I mean, I knew I was irritable
and not that goddamn pleasant to be around sometimes, but it wasn’t until I sat across
from my brother at dinner in Port Angeles with him yelling at me about mistreating Bella
that I even realized what the hell I’d done. She bolted from the table quickly when Emmett
called me out and Alice went after her thankfully, so she at least wasn’t alone.
Emmett lectured me straight for at least five minutes, and Jasper and Rosalie both chimed
in with their own opinions. They railed on me for being an asshole, pointing out shit I’d
said and done over the weeks. I felt horrible, not even realizing I’d done most of it. The
anger and love that had been at odds with each other inside of me retreated to their
collective sides at that moment, giving way to the guilt that was rolling in. I’d done the one
thing I never wanted to do. I treated her like I treated everyone else. I wasn’t being
considerate and after everything she’d been through, she deserved some fucking
consideration.
I got up from that table and walked over toward the bathrooms, smiling sadly at Alice. She
glared at me, giving me the meanest look she could conjure up. For a petite little thing she
could be intimidating when she wanted to be.
“Hey short stuff,” I said quietly. She huffed at me and placed her hands on her hips.
“Really, Edward? Nikes? Why not just throw on some flip-flops? Or how about some
slippers?” she spat out at once, her voice echoing the irritation I saw on her face. My brow
furrowed at her outburst.
“What’s wrong with the Nikes? They match,” I said, shrugging. I’d bought the
motherfuckers because Alice told me to wear the blue fucking tie and I didn’t have any
shoes to match it. I thought they looked good.
“What’s wrong with the Nikes, Edward, is that it’s Prom. Prom!” she exclaimed. “Nothing
says ‘you don’t matter’ like not even being willing to endure a pair of uncomfortable dress
shoes for a few hours for the woman you supposedly love.”
“I do love her,” I said quickly, my anger flaring at her statement. “And she does fucking
matter. Christ, they’re just shoes, Alice.”
She scoffed. “You put more effort into homecoming with Tanya, the biggest floozy there is,
than you did with Isabella. Isabella has never been to one of these dances before in her life.
This is supposed to be special for her and you can’t even really dress up for her. You didn’t
wear Nikes with Tanya.”
I stared at her for a moment, trying to remember back to homecoming. Most of it was a
blur considering I’d stayed pretty fucked up around then and didn’t really give a shit about
any of it, but I realized Alice was right. I had worn dress shoes.
“Fix it,” she said simply, turning and bouncing away. I stood there outside the women’s
bathroom, waiting for the love of my life to walk out, and feeling like the biggest asshole
ever to roam the earth. I was fucking drowning again, barely staying afloat, and I hadn’t
even noticed the water rolling in on top of me and swallowing me. I had to figure it out.
Alice was right--I had to fix it.
And I tried my damnedest. I apologized for how I’d been acting and I wanted to fucking tell
her everything. I wanted to confess what I knew so we could deal with it together, but I
couldn’t fucking hurt her like that. I couldn’t watch the pain that I knew I’d see if she found
out she was the person my mother had given her life for. I couldn’t devastate her like that. I
couldn’t let her feel pain just to alleviate some of my own. I couldn’t be that fucking selfish.
So I continued to keep that shit to myself but poured the rest of my heart out to her. I took
her to the dance and showed her the best time I knew how. I held her hand the entire time
and didn’t hesitate to tell everyone I came across exactly what she was to me. She was my
girlfriend, the girl who had changed my life. She was my life, the love of it, and she’d always
be that.
At one point she had to go to the bathroom, because yeah, I’d fucking given her liquor and
everyone knows when you drink liquor you piss like a racehorse. While she was gone I went
up to the DJ and bribed that motherfucker to play a song for me He’d never heard of it and
tried to turn me down at first but there was no way I was taking no for an answer. I told
him he better find the motherfucker and slipped him some cash, and he was more than
happy to oblige after that. I went looking for Isabella after that, knowing she had to be done
in the bathroom by then. Most girls took fucking forever in the bathroom, going in groups
and spending hours in that motherfucker doing whatever it was girls did. But I knew my
Bella wasn’t like that and I didn’t want her to freak out being on her own. I started over
toward the other side of the room, not paying much attention to anything until I spotted
her. I opened my mouth to speak when the form beside her caught my attention. I froze,
the rage coursing through me when my eyes fell upon Jacob Black.
I nearly fucking lost it, but Isabella told me he helped her and I hesitated long enough for
an explanation. I didn’t believe the shit at first, but I knew it upset her last time I beat the
shit out of someone in front of her when they had been helping her, even if it has been a
natural reaction. They explained what had happened with Tanya and to say I was pissed
would be an understatement. Tanya and some of the other bitches had cornered her in the
bathroom and had the audacity to try to fuck with her. Those bitches knew better and later
on Isabella told me not to hurt Tanya, to which I replied I wouldn’t lay a finger on her. And
I wouldn’t, but I was going to fuck her up. She was going to regret ever crossing my path.
She told me Tanya ripped the necklace off of her and handed it to me. I put it in my pocket,
naturally fucking pissed because I’d paid damn near $900 for that goddamn necklace and a
lot of fucking good the protection charms did her. I’d easily get it fixed for her, no big deal,
but I didn’t like anything of my girl’s being fucked with. I’d fuck a motherfucker up for
messing with something that belonged to her. She never got to have shit before that was
just hers, and now that she did she was keeping it. All of it.
The rest of prom went by smoothly for the most part. The DJ played the song I requested,
the Eros Ramazotti song with Anastacia called “I Belong to You”, and we danced to it. I was
tempted to request the Blue October song, but that shit was kind of synonymous with
making love now for us. It was kind of like “our song”. It was still so fucking odd, us having
a song like that.
Dancing to the song, it seemed like everything else melted away, nothing else mattering but
her in that moment. And I realized while we were dancing exactly how much of a prick I’d
truly been, because it dawned on me that I missed her. I’d barely paid her any attention in
a month, trying to deal with my own bullshit and ignoring her needs in the process. It
wasn’t right and it was probably half my goddamn problem. Nothing felt right without her
in my life, and although she’d been there the entire time by my side, she was never truly
there. I hadn’t let her be there, and I had no one to blame for that but myself. I needed her;
there was no denying that.
I still couldn’t tell her, I couldn’t do that to her, but I could be with her. I needed to be with
her. And when the song ended we just stared at each other, the look in her eyes telling me
she was thinking and feeling the same exact thing. We bolted out of there and had an
encounter with Jacob in the parking lot with Tanya. Part of me wanted nothing more than
to fuck them both up then and there, but I could be patient. A year ago I wouldn’t have
been able to, I would’ve lashed out without hesitation, but that was a part of me that
Isabella had changed. I was a fairly patient man now and I’d bide my time, but when the
right moment came, rest assured they’d both get what was coming to them.
I couldn’t keep my hands off of her on the drive home, my desire boiling over. I needed to
touch her, I needed to feel her wetness and smell her sweetness and hear her whimpers. It
had been too long, entirely too fucking long overdue. She came in the car and seeing her
tense up, the way her body quaked and the wetness oozed out of her, I wanted nothing
more than to pull over and take her right then and there. But I couldn’t, because she
deserved better than that. The old Edward Cullen would’ve pulled over and pulled her out
and bent her over the hood, pounding into her from behind. But the man that loved her,
the new man I was losing grip on the past few weeks, knew I needed to take her home and
lay her down in the sanctuary of our room and do right by her.
And I did. I gave her every ounce of passion I could invoke, wanting her to fucking feel it. I
needed her to fucking feel how much I needed her, how much I yearned for her. I needed
her to feel my passion and know she was still the only girl for me so if I slipped back into
that motherfucker that only thought of himself again, she’d remember. She’d remember
me, the real me, and pull my ass back out of the darkness. Because that’s exactly what it
was. I was falling back into the darkness and she was the only light I had. I was afraid of
that motherfucker burning out, of her giving up on me because I already didn’t deserve her
as it was, and I definitely didn’t deserve her if I was going to be treating her like I had been.
After I showed her, I told her. I told her I needed her to keep a hold of me, that I knew I
was holding back but she needed to keep her grip on me because I couldn’t lose her. It felt
like the battle inside of me between good and evil had finally culminated, they’d come to a
truce and waved the white flag realizing they’d have to find a way to cohabitate peacefully. I
felt almost content… but I’d been fucking wrong. Because after I said it, she spoke the three
words that led me to where I was currently, sitting there staring at her, fighting back that
goddamn anger again that was threatening to spill over and explode out of me. If she
wanted to say three words, she could’ve said “I love you” or “Fuck me hard” or something
like that, something I could do something with. So why did it have to be those three words?
Why the hell, out of everything she could say, did she have to lie there and say, “Jacob
Black knows”?
“Isabella, what the hell do you mean Jacob Black knows about you?” I asked again when
she didn’t answer my last fucking question. I clenched my left hand in a fist, trying to fight
back the natural desire to yell and kept my voice calm.
“He, uh… he knows I’m a… slave,” she muttered, eyeing me warily. My eyes narrowed when
the word rolled from her lips. I hated that shit.
“Did he fucking call you that?” I snapped, enraged at the idea of that asshole ever calling
my girl a word like that. She shook her head no quickly, panicking.
“No, he never used that word!” she said. “But he knows my, uh, situation.”
“Did you fucking tell him?” She shook her head no quickly once more.
“No, I’d never! I swear I didn’t! He just told me he knew,” she said.
“Why the fuck would he say that? And how the fuck would he know? It’s impossible. I never
told that motherfucker,” I said, confused. We used to hang out together, but because his
family was so close to the police we purposely never confessed any of my father’s dealings
to him.
She shrugged. “I don’t know how he knows. I thought earlier, when I saw him, that he
knew, and then tonight he said so,” she rattled out, flustered. I sighed dramatically and
pinched the bridge of my nose, unsure of what the fuck was going on or what the hell I was
supposed to do about it. It took a moment for her words to sink in and what she’d said
dawn on me.
“What do you mean you saw him earlier?’ I asked suspiciously. Her eyes widened and she
gaped at me, looking panicked again.
“I, uh… I just ran into him, that’s all,” she said, shrugging like it was no big deal, but it
damn well was. I groaned, shaking my head.
“Jesus Christ, Bella. Where?” I asked.
“At the grocery store, when I was getting your soda for you,” she mumbled, looking
ashamed. I could see her fucking remorse and it almost made me feel bad, but I couldn’t
seem to find any empathy when I was too fucking stunned and confused and pissed off
about Jacob. I didn’t like the idea of her seeing him, even if it was just in passing at the
goddamn store.
“And he fucking said something then too? What did he say to you? Was that the first time
you saw him?” I asked, wanting some goddamn answers to clear this shit up. She stared at
me briefly and seemed to be considering her answers.
“He, uh… he’s usually really nice,” she said quietly. “He tells me jokes. He said he wanted to
be friends because he thought I could use a friend, because of my situation or whatever.”
My anger flared. “He wants to fucking be friends? Yeah, right. That motherfucker just
wants to take what the hell I have. He wants to fucking take everything from me; he wants
to hurt me, Bella! Don’t you see that? You can’t be that fucking naïve to think he’s genuine.
And he knows? How the fuck does he know?”
She shrugged hesitantly but didn’t answer, simply gazed at me with apprehension. I
groaned, standing up, and started pacing the room. I took a few deep breaths, trying to
calm myself down because yelling at her wasn’t fucking helping. It wasn’t her fault and not
five goddamn minutes ago I’d said I needed to start treating her better. I sat back down on
the edge of the bed after a minute, glancing over at her.
“Other than the times I know about, how many other times have you spoken to Jacob
Black?” I asked, wanting the fucking answer to that.
She sighed, sounding resigned. “Five times, maybe?” she said cautiously. That shit hit me
hard and I stared at her, completely stunned. I couldn’t believe she’d hidden that shit from
me. I knew that was fucking hypocritical, I couldn’t be mad at her for keeping secrets
because I did the same, but it didn’t lessen the hurt I felt hearing it.
I spent the next half hour listening to Isabella explain to me all of her encounters with
Jacob, shocked when I found out she’d seen him with Alice on Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t
believe Alice had been in on the shit, that she hadn’t fucking told me. Isabella gave me
details of their encounters, down to the stupid ass jokes he told, and I was getting fucking
pissed. He was clearly coming onto her a few times but she was too inexperienced to see it.
She couldn’t tell when a guy was flirting with her but I knew that shit well. I knew when a
motherfucker was trying to win a girl over and Jacob Black was very fucking clearly trying
to charm my girl. I didn’t like that shit at all.
When she finally quieted she gazed at me hesitantly, obviously afraid of my reaction. I was
fighting my temper back, not wanting to lash out at her, but I was pissed. “Is that all you’ve
been keeping from me?” I asked. She brought her bottom lip into her mouth and started
chewing on it nervously. I sighed, closing my eyes, realizing there was more. “You can tell
me, tesoro, I’m not going to get pissed at you.”
She opened her mouth again and started rattling on about my father, telling me about shit
he’d said to her and done to her when I wasn’t around. How the day in his office in the
hospital he’d threatened her and demanded she keep secrets from me. Most of what she
said wasn’t really a fucking secret anymore, not after that blow up last month when he’d
finally spilled some shit to me, but I was surprised to find out he’d told her he wanted me to
have nothing to do with the Mafia. That wasn’t that fucking important anyway, but I was
shocked he’d go to her for help. When she finished she quieted once more, watching me
tentatively.
“Now is that everything?” I asked. She nodded. “Thank you. You know you don’t have to
fucking keep things from me, Bella. You can tell me anything and everything. I don’t give a
shit what other people say. I really wish you would’ve fucking told me all of this sooner.”
She sighed. “I didn’t want you to freak out or do something bad and get in trouble,” she
said quietly. I shook my head.
“Yeah well, you don’t have to worry about me doing anything, but my father is another
story. I have to tell him Jacob knows,” I said, knowing I really had no choice. That shit was
serious and something he’d need to be aware of.
Isabella’s eyes widened slightly. “Uh, well… I mean, he already knows,” she said. My brow
furrowed. “Jacob said that Dr. Cullen knows he knows.”
I laughed dryly, shaking my head. “There’s no fucking way he knows, Jacob’s full of shit,” I
said.
“You think so?” she asked hesitantly. I nodded.
“I know so,” I said confidently. If Jacob knew, there was no way he’d just be walking
around freely. I was quite sure if my father knew, Jacob would be in a box six feet under the
ground somewhere or else on the back of a milk cartoon. Do they even do that shit
anymore, put missing people on cartons of milk? I didn’t fucking know but it really didn’t
matter. The point was, he’d be fucking gone from our lives, no longer a problem.
“Okay,” she said. “If you say so, I believe you.”
I nodded. “And you can’t be friends with him Bella, that’s out of the fucking question. I hate
telling you what to do, it’s not fucking right, but I can’t just let you be friends with that
asshole. He’s trying to use you to get back at me and I can’t let that shit happen. I can’t let
you be used like that, I can’t let you get hurt,” I said. I knew Jacob Black well, and I knew
damn well what he was capable of. He wasn’t a good person and if he ever hurt my girl in
any way I’d fucking kill him myself. Not that it mattered, because there’s no fucking way
he’d survive anyway once my father found out what he knew.
“I told him we couldn’t be friends,” she said softly. “I said I trusted you and you wouldn’t
like it.”
“You’re fucking right I don’t like it. I don’t even like him being within a hundred feet of you,
much less talking to you. You stay away from him, you hear me? And if he ever tries to talk
to you again, you let me know,” I said pointedly. She stared at me for a moment before
nodding. I was fucking pissed, so upset I was shaking, but I was trying to reign that shit in
and not freak out on her. None of it was her fault and she was being honest with me.
Yelling at her would only make her withdraw, but at least my fucking anger was focused
somewhere else now on someone that deserved it.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, sounding genuinely apologetic. I shook my head.
“You shouldn’t apologize to me,” I said, repeating her earlier statement. I was still fucking
holding back from her; I had no right to expect any remorse from her.
I gazed at her for a moment before crawling back into the bed, laying my head back down
on her stomach. I was upset but there wasn’t shit I could do about it tonight. I could bitch
and throw shit around and be an asshole, but at the end of the day everything would still be
the same and I just didn’t have the fucking energy for that. Now that I was conscious of my
attitude lately, I was more on guard about the shit. I didn’t want to snap out on her, not
today. Today was supposed to be a good day, a day where she could just be a normal happy
teenage girl who unfortunately was in love with a prick like me.
So I just started stroking her stomach and thigh again, drawing patterns with my fingertips
and spelling out random words, trying to shut my mind off. She smelled like flowers and
sex with a hint of sweat, and the scent was enough to distract me for a while. Her fingers
found their way back into my hair, running gently through my locks. Her touch was
soothing, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed comforting. I felt my eyelids growing
heavy and slipped off into sleep.
I woke up eventually, laying sideways in the bed with my legs dangling over the edge. I was
wrapped up in the comforter and Bella was laying diagonal, her feet kicked up across my
thighs. I had no idea how we’d managed to get in that position but it wasn’t comfortable at
all, both of my legs numb. I sat up and pulled her feet off of me, unwrapping myself from
the comforter and covering her up. She mumbled in her sleep, pulling her legs up and
curling into a ball. I watched her for a moment before turning to glance at the alarm clock:
seven am..
I stood up, cursing under my breath as the circulation start flowing back into my legs,
causing that prickly stabbing pain to run through them. I limped over to my dresser and
pulled out some comfortable clothes, throwing them on just to cover myself up. I started
for the door and glanced back over at Bella briefly, freezing when I caught sight of the
darkened spot on her neck. I walked over toward her, my brow furrowed with confusion.
When I got close to her it dawned on me exactly what it was and rage shot through me,
yesterday’s events coming back to me full force. That motherfucking bitch marked my girl.
She had a goddamn deep bruise around her neck from where the necklace had been ripped
from her and that shit wasn’t acceptable. I reached down and ran my fingertips across it,
tracing the mark. She shivered at my touch and mumbled but didn’t wake up. I leaned
down and kissed her cheek lightly, feeling guilty for how her day had gone yesterday. I’d
had my mind set on showing her the time of her life on prom night, and instead of having
the fucking fairy tale, she’d had to endure my attitude and hostility from jealous girls. That
shit wasn’t right, she didn’t deserve that. I’d find a way to make it up to her somehow, and
there was no fucking way Tanya was getting away with what she’d done.
I walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind me so not to wake her up yet,
and headed down the stairs. I paused on the second floor when I saw the light in my
father’s office was on, debating. It was awfully fucking early to be bringing up problems,
and on a Sunday morning at that, when he was probably in there fucking praying or
whatever the hell he did this early, but I really wanted to do this shit without Isabella there.
I didn’t want her dragged into the situation any more than necessary, especially
considering my father could blow up about it. He frightened her naturally; she didn’t need
to have to see him snap.
I walked over and paused, reaching my hand up tentatively to knock. I waited a moment
and heard movement inside, the knob turning and door opening. My father glanced at me,
his brow furrowing with confusion.
“You’re the last person I expected to see,” he said, stepping aside and motioning for me to
enter. I glanced at him curiously, walking past him into the room.
“Why?” I asked. He laughed lightly, closing the door. I sat down in the chair across from his
desk and he walked over, plopping down in his chair. He had stacks of paperwork scattered
around in front of him.
“Because you knocked and that’s not like you, Edward,” he said. I stared at him, realizing
that was true. Why the fuck had I knocked, anyway? I never did that shit. I usually just
walked the fuck in.
“Yeah well, I don’t even know myself anymore so I guess I’m capable of anything at this
point,” I said, shrugging.
He nodded. “I know you’ve been quite irritable lately. Are you dealing okay? Do you want
to talk about it?” he asked. I laughed dryly, shaking my head.
“I’m over that shit. It’s done with,” I said. He gazed at me.
“I don’t believe that for a second. It still obviously bothers you. She’s your girlfriend; it’s
not going to be easy coming to terms with it. It’s taken me years to be able to truly get a
grip on myself knowing the information,” he said. I sighed.
“Well I don’t have fucking years to dwell on the shit, Dad. It’s been weeks, it’s over and
done with, nothing’s going to change it,” I said, shrugging.
“You know the offer still stands, if you want to go to your Aunt Esme’s for awhile she’d
gladly have you,” he said. I shook my head no.
“I’ve told you before, I’m not fucking leaving her,” I said, irritated he was bringing that shit
up again. I couldn’t count the number of times he’d suggested separating us temporarily
and it pissed me off every time he brought it up. I wasn’t fucking walking away from her, I
may have withdrawn emotionally a bit for awhile but now that I realized I’d been doing it I
was going to make an effort not to anymore. There was no way I’d survive a physical
separation, the emotional one was fucking with me enough.
“Suit yourself. If you change your mind, you could always go back with Esme next month
when she visits for your brothers’ graduation,” he said, glancing away from me and back
down at his paperwork.
“Yeah, well, I’m not going to change my mind but thanks anyway,” I said with frustration.
“I’ve been enough of an asshole lately toward her, I can’t just leave. That would hurt Bella
too much.”
He laughed lightly and I glanced over at him, narrowing my eyes, wondering what the fuck
was so funny. “Bella,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head.
“Yes, Bella,” I said pointedly, annoyed.
He glanced back up at me, his eyebrows raised questioningly. “Will you admit now that you
call her that because it means ‘beautiful’?” he asked teasingly. I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever, yeah. If it’ll make you fucking happy to hear it, fine. I call her Bella because
she’s beautiful,” I said. He smirked. He was pissing me off with his humor; I wasn’t in the
mood to joke around.
“That’s the same reason your mother referred to her as Bella. Bella bambina, beautiful little
girl,” he said. “I guess to you she wouldn’t be a bambina though.”
“Bella Ragazza,” I mumbled. “La mia bella ragazza. My beautiful girl.”

He stared at me curiously. “The similarities between you and your mother are stunning
sometimes,” he said. I sighed.
“I know. I remember her calling Isabella that shit,” I said, shrugging. I couldn’t help I still
had a lot of my mother’s heart in me that we’d take to the same girl, both of us falling in
love with her in different ways. In fact, when I was able to push that irrational anger at the
situation back, it was almost heart warming knowing how much I was taking after my
mother. I’d always felt like I’d lost that part of me that came from her, that I’d turned into a
clone of my father, so it was nice to know some good still truly existed inside of me
somewhere. His eyes widened with surprise and it confused me briefly until I realized I’d
never told him I recalled meeting Isabella.
“You remember?” he asked hesitantly. I sighed again, nodding, wishing I hadn’t brought it
up. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about this shit with him.
“Somewhat. I mean, I remember seeing her and mom calling her Bella Bambina and
explaining to her what chocolate was, that’s about it,” I said. He smiled sadly.
“You remember the chocolate?” he asked curiously. I shrugged, not knowing what the big
goddamn deal was.
“I remember asking her if she wanted a Hershey’s kiss and she tried to kiss me, not
knowing what the fuck I was talking about,” I said. He chuckled.
“Yeah. I remember your mother telling me about that afterwards. You apparently weren’t
as pleased about kissing her then as you are now,” he said, once again his tone teasing. I
narrowed my eyes suspiciously, wondering what the fuck had gotten into him. We hadn’t
spoken much the past few weeks and his nonchalant attitude about Isabella’s and my
relationship was surprising me. I hadn’t exactly kept the shit away from him lately, having
no reservations kissing on her in front of him, but he usually walked away and seemed to
still want nothing to do with it.
“Yeah well I was what, five? I was just trying to give the girl some candy and she tried to
slip me some tongue,” I said. He laughed, shaking his head.
“She was a brave one back then. It’s sad she lost that part of herself. She’d never do that
now,” he said. I gazed at him briefly before smirking at his ignorance.
“It’s clear you really know nothing about Isabella,” I said, shaking my head. His brow
furrowed as he stared at me.
“Are you insinuating she made the first move?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Well, I sure as fuck didn’t do it, Dad.”
He stared at me, looking shocked. “Wow, she was… uh…” he started. I watched him,
waiting for him to finish his statement. I swore if he said something negative like ‘stupid’ I
would reach across that desk and bust him in the fucking mouth again, cast and all.
“Courageous,” he finished finally.
I nodded. “It is. One of the things I love about her. She’s brave and pretty goddamn strong.
You can break her physically but there’s no fucking way you’re breaking my girl mentally,” I
said sharply, staring at him. He nodded after a moment.
“I can imagine. Have you shared with her that you remember meeting her?” he asked,
raising his eyebrows questioningly. I sighed and paused briefly before shaking my head. I
realized I’d been so wrapped up in my own bullshit that I’d barely even given any of that a
second thought. I’d been so fucking selfish lately that I hadn’t even taken the time to share
that with her. Christ, I was an asshole for real. He nodded. “You, uh… I don’t know if you
want to.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Why?” I asked. He sighed, gazing at me.
“She got into trouble for having that chocolate,” he said. “I told your mother not to give her
anything but she didn’t listen to me. Your mother just didn’t get it, you know? She put it in
her pocket to save for later I guess; Bella was young and didn’t understand. Charles Sr.
discovered it.”
“When you say she got into trouble, you mean… uh…” I started, unsure of how to fucking
word it. It didn’t matter though, because he knew where I was going with it
“She was punished,” he said quietly, watching me cautiously. “It was probably the first time
he ever hit her.”
I felt the guilt and anger roll through me and clenched my hand into a fist, trying to fight it
back. “She was just a fucking kid!” I snapped. “She didn’t do anything!”
He sighed loudly. “I know. I stopped him, of course, but I wasn’t there in time to prevent it
from happening. Your mother and you were already in the car and I’d forgotten something
in the house. I went back in to get it and saw him hitting her. Not only had the chocolate
melted and she got it all over her when trying to open it, but he assumed she’d stolen it
from the house.” He paused, gazing at me. “I never told your mother, it would’ve
devastated her. And Isabella was so young I’m not surprised she blocked it out. It would’ve
been traumatic for her, and I’m afraid if you remind her…”
“She’ll remember what happened,” I cut in with, shaking my head. I felt guilty, really
fucking guilty. I was only a kid at the time but I’d been the one to ask her if she wanted the
chocolate. “I know, I get it. Fuck.”
He nodded and we sat quietly for a second. “You’re mother…” he started, but I threw my
hand up to stop him, sighing. I didn’t want to hear another word about it; I was dealing
with enough shit as it was. I didn’t need to get into the subject of my mother.
“I didn’t come down here to talk about her,” I said. He quieted and looked at me curiously.
“Is there a reason you came down here?” he asked. I nodded.
“Yeah, it’s about last night…” I started. His eyes widened slightly.
“How was prom? Did you have a good time?” he asked curiously, sounding eager. I
groaned, shaking my head, irritated he was fucking cutting me off and sounding all
goddamn fatherly and cheerful.
“It was just fucking peachy, Dad. A real goddamn blast. Now can I fucking finish?” I
snapped. He cocked an eyebrow at me, not looking entirely pleased about my outburst, but
motioned for me to continue. “Thanks, shit. The point is last night we ran into Jacob Black
at the damn dance and he said some shit to Isabella…”
“What did he say?” my father cut me off again, his voice serious. I groaned again.
“He said he knew what the fuck she was, that’s what he said.” I gazed at him and watched
as his expression shifted, a blank mask overcoming his face. He sat there quietly, just
gazing at me. I stared back briefly, each second of his silence grating on my nerves. Why
wasn’t he fucking saying anything? He had to be goddamn pissed or at least concerned, so
why the fuck was he just sitting there?
“What exactly did he say?” he asked after a moment.
“He told her he wanted to be her fucking friend because he knew her situation, that he
knew she wasn’t here voluntarily, and he had the nerve to claim that you fucking knew that
he knew,” I said, raising my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to fucking explode. There was
no way he’d go for that shit, no way he’d tolerate Jacob knowing or saying that shit. I sat
there and stared at him, but he simply stared back with that blank look on his face. My
brow furrowed after a moment, realization dawning on me.
“No way,” I snapped. “It’s fucking true?!”
He nodded. “Yes, I’m aware Jacob knows,” he said, his voice even and emotionless. I sat
forward quickly and pointed at him, the anger coursing through me.
“He knows my fucking girlfriend is your goddamn slave and you didn’t think to tell me?
You didn’t think I deserved to fucking know that my goddamn enemy knows?” I growled
out. He sighed, shaking his head.
“Jacob is not your enemy, Edward,” he said calmly.
“He is my enemy. He fucking backstabbed me, he can’t be trusted,” I spat. “I don’t

understand. If you know he knows, why the fuck is he still walking around? Why the hell is
he still alive?? He should be dead.”
My fathers eyes widened in shock at my outburst. “You don’t mean that,” he said. I laughed
dryly.
“I do fucking mean that,” I retorted with. He shook his head.
“No, you don’t,” he said sharply. “You may be upset with Jacob for what happened, but he’s
not the enemy. We all say things we don’t mean when we’re upset. You of all damn people
should know that, Edward. I’m not telling you to be his friend, but I’m telling you all this
hatred you seem to have for him is highly unnecessary and misplaced.”
My eyes narrowed, my anger only growing. “How the fuck can you say that?” I snapped,
yelling. He glared at me and threw his hands up, slamming them down on his desk. He
obviously didn’t appreciate my tone and his blank mask slipped, his rage showing as his
eyes sparked.
“You need to quiet your fucking mouth,” he said sternly, his voice sharp but quiet. When he
started cursing at me, I knew I’d fucking pissed him off. “I can say that because it’s the
truth. I know what the hell enemies are, Edward. I know the threats they pose, and Jacob is
not an enemy. He’s an innocent kid that fucked up no worse than you did. I’m not killing
him because he happens to know more than he likely should.”
I groaned. “It’s not safe, him knowing. People shouldn’t know,” I said, irritated. He’d told
us a million fucking times that people couldn’t know about his lifestyle.
“You’re right, they shouldn’t. But they do. Jacob knows no more than Alice or Rosalie
know, and I can’t kill him any more than I could ever bear to kill one of those girls. Or is
that what you’re suggesting, wiping out everyone who knows your girlfriend is a slave?
That’s not how you go about getting a clean slate with her, son. You don’t just kill everyone
that may suspect her true nature, because no matter how many people you kill it won’t
change a damn thing. It is what it is,” he snapped. “She’ll always have been a slave, you’ve
just got to man the fuck up and get over yourself and deal with it. You can’t run from the
truth or try to erase it.”
I stared at him, slightly caught off guard by his rant. I hadn’t expected him to go that route
with the conversation and turn the shit around on me. “That’s irrelevant,” I said after a
moment. “The point is how the hell can Jacob be trusted with the information when he’s
betrayed my confidence before? What if he tells?”
He shook his head. “He won’t tell,” my father said confidently. I groaned.
“And how the hell can you be so sure?” I asked.
He glared at me. “Because if he was going to tell, he would’ve told by now. I found out he
knew when you blew up his car, Edward, and I was buying your ass out of trouble. If he
wanted to rat us out, he would’ve done it then when he had justification to. But he didn’t,
he kept his mouth shut. And I’m not going to go murder a seventeen-year-old kid just
because you think it’ll make you feel better, because I assure you at the end of the day it
won’t. You’ll deal with the guilt of his death for the rest of your life and it’s not something
you want to have to live with. So you need to deal with it and get over it. Jacob may be a
nuisance but he’s not the enemy and you need to stop thinking that way. I’ve got enough to
deal with right now; I don’t need you trying to add this bullshit onto it.” He paused and
glanced down at his desk, sighing. “I have enough fucking people to worry about,” he
mumbled under his breath.
“Like him,” I said, gazing at my father. He nodded hesitantly, glancing back over at me.
“Yes. Him,” he said simply, shaking his head. We skirted around the issue of the DNA
whenever we did speak, referring to Isabella’s living match simply as ‘Him’. It was fucking
ridiculous, because it felt kinda like I was living in those Harry Potter books and we were
too goddamn afraid to say the bad guy’s name. I just wanted to fucking scream, ‘It’s
Voldemort, goddamnit, just fucking say the name!’ because being afraid of the name only
increases the fear of the fucking person, whether they deserve it or not. And yeah, I took it
from the bitch in the books, Hermione or whatever her name is, and yeah I only fucking
knew this shit because my girl read the books and then demanded we watch all the movies.
I was bored out of my fucking mind but I sat through them with a goddamn smile plastered
on my face, because she loved the shit. Whatever. It was stupid, and this all was stupid.
“So you haven’t figure out how to deal with… Him?” I asked after a moment, my curiosity
getting the best of me. He shook his head.
“I’m just buying time right now, son, until I have no choice but to act. And then I just hope
like hell when the time comes I do the right thing, whatever that is,” he said. I nodded.
“You know, I could probably guess…” I started, but his eyes narrowed and he cut me off
before I could finish my thought.
“Don’t even go down that fucking path, Edward Anthony. I mean it,” he said sharply.
“Don’t even think about it, I’m not going to tell you again.”
I closed my mouth and nodded, but there was no way I could stop myself from thinking
about it. I may not utter the words out loud, but it didn’t mean I didn’t know. I’d had a
month to stew over the shit, to develop theories in my mind. . I’d had a month to stew over
the shit, for my mind to develop theories. I admit at first some of them were ridiculous and
the result of watching too much goddamn TV. I was convinced she was fucking royalty at
one point or related to the fucking president or leader of some powerful country or
something. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it had to be closer to home,
and that most likely she was royalty… just mob royalty.
I had a sneaking suspicion my girlfriend was a principessa della mafia, and she technically
always was since her paternal grandfather was a made man, but it was more than that. She
should’ve truly been one, she should’ve been one of the mafia princesses that got doted on
and spoiled rotten as they grew up.
“There’re only so many people you’d be afraid of,” I said. He groaned loudly and slammed
his hands against his desk, shifting his chair back to stand up.
“Get the fuck out, Edward,” he said, losing his cool. I knew I shouldn’t press his buttons or
push him like that, but it was ridiculous. Whether or not it was verbalized, it was clear we
both knew I likely had it fucking figured out. And the conclusion I’d come to, based on
everything that had happened and that had been said, was something I frankly didn’t even
like to fucking think about. If I was right, I understood exactly why my father was so rattled
because there was no doubt in my mind… we’d all be fucking dead for keeping this
information from Him.
My father walked over to the door open opened it, glaring at me. I stood up and sighed,
giving him a half-assed salute with my hand that was still in the cast. He didn’t seem
amused by it but I couldn’t be bothered to really care. I walked out and he slammed the
door behind me, the noise so loud I flinched and turned around to look at it. Yeah,
definitely not amused.
Emmett’s bedroom door opened quickly and I glanced in that direction, my brow
furrowing. He was wearing nothing but a pair of red boxers and his crown from Prom.
“What did you do to piss Dad off this time?” he asked, looking amused as he glanced over
at the office door.
“What do I always do, Emmett?” I asked. He grinned and brought his hand up to make a
talking signal.
“Running that damn mouth again, little bro? Mouth writing checks your ass can’t cash?” he
asked teasingly. I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever,” I said. “I can back up everything I say.”
He laughed. “If you so say. Where’s Izzy Bizzy?”
I nodded my head toward the stairs. “Still asleep I guess.”
“She okay?” he asked seriously. “Rosie and I saw what happened with Tanya. We got to her
as soon as we could but thankfully Jake stepped in.” I nodded hesitantly, naturally wanting
to say fuck Jacob, but regardless of his motives he had helped my girl.
“She’s got a mark from where the necklace dug into her but she’ll be okay. Didn’t seem to
faze her,” I said. “Tanya’s going to fucking pay for that shit, too.”
He nodded. “You better get Lauren’s ass too. Rosie heard her laughing about it later, saying
it had been her idea and she helped corner her in the bathroom.”
“Seriously?” I asked. He nodded and I groaned, my anger rising. Both of those bitches’
asses were mine. “Thanks for looking out for her. And for threatening to fuck me up last
night. I didn’t realize I was doing that shit.”
“What’s gotten into you anyway?” he asked. “You’ve seriously been wound really tight. Is
everything okay? I mean, you aren’t having second thoughts about her, are you? If you
don’t love her…”
My eyes narrowed, the anger fucking escalating at his words. “Don’t even fucking go there.
I do love her. And no, I’m not having second thoughts. I’m just stressing the fuck out about
how the hell we’re going to figure this situation out and be together, you know?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I get that. I’m just saying, you know, if you ever do change your mind…”
I groaned and he held his hands up. “Just hear me out, bro. I’m just saying if the day comes
where you can’t be with her anymore, just… come to me. Or Jasper, okay? I just don’t want
to see Izzy Bizzy hurt or feel like she’s abandoned. We’ll find a way to help her, you know?”
“Yeah, it won’t happen but thanks,” I said, turning and starting to walk away. I heard him
sigh.
“Just don’t fuck it up, or I’ll fuck you up! You hurt her, I hurt you!” he yelled after me. I
smirked, shaking my head, oddly comforted by the fact that my brother would kick even my
ass for her, and I trusted he would without a doubt. She needed people in her life to stand
up for her.
I headed up to the third floor, freezing when I nearly collided with the form at the top of
the stairs. Isabella yelped, startled by my presence, and I grabbed her hips as she jumped.
“Whoa, hey there,” I said. She smiled, the blush creeping into her cheeks.
“Hey. I didn’t know where you went,” she said softly, bringing her bottom lip into her
mouth to chew on it. She looked nervous and I felt guilty about it, knowing it was because
she wasn’t sure about my mood. My attitude must’ve done a fucking number on her the
past few weeks if she was on edge around me. I smiled and reached my hand up, pulling
her lip from between her teeth as I ran my fingers across it. I leaned down and pressed
mine against them softly, kissing her sweetly.
“Where I’ve been doesn’t matter, Bella. All that matters is where I am now, and that’s with
you,” I murmured, pulling her closer to me. She smiled against my lips.
“I love you,” she said. I hummed in response, kissing her again and parting her lips with my
tongue, plunging it into her mouth. I kissed her deeply, pressing myself against her tight
little body. She moaned in response, the sound vibrating my lips and the sensation
ricocheting straight to my cock. My already hard erection swelled even more and I groaned.
“I love you too. And you look really fucking sexy in my clothes,” I said, pulling away from
her lips and glancing down at her. She had on a pair of my flannel pajama pants, rolled up
and tucked so they’d stay on her, and one of my football shirts. She once more blushed and
brought her bottom lip into her mouth, smiling sheepishly. I smirked and leaned back
forward, pausing with my lips right beside her ear. “But how about we go in my room and
take them all back off.”
She gasped softly and I chuckled, grabbing her hand. I turned and started pulling her
toward the bedroom, and she laughed. “Well, good morning,” she said. I opened the door
and pulled her inside, kicking it closed behind me. I walked her over to the bed and she sat
down, scooting backwards until she was in the middle of it. I climbed onto it and hovered
overtop of her, smirking.
“Yeah, it’s definitely about to be a good morning,” I said light-heartedly, leaning down and
kissing her, nipping her button lip playfully. “And a good afternoon. And a good evening, if
I’m lucky.”
Her eyes widened, her face brightening. “Wow,” she said. I chuckled at her expression.
“I’ve got a month of neglect to make up for, tesoro, and we have nothing to do today. It’s
fate,” I said, kissing her. “I can’t think of a better way to spend the day, but feel free to tell
me no.”
“No,” she mumbled, kissing me back. I pulled my mouth from hers and gazed down at her.
“No?” I repeated. “Do you not want to?” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that.
“No!” she said, her eyes widening with surprise. “I mean, wait. Yes!”
My brow furrowed and she started laughing. “Talk about mixed signals, tesoro. Is that a
‘fuck off’ or a ‘fuck me’?” I asked, starting to kiss down her jaw line. She brought her hands
up to run them through my hair, moaning lightly as my lips found her neck.
“Fuck me,” she whispered, the words rolling from her lips breathlessly. If I hadn’t been
listening intently I probably wouldn’t have made out what she said, but lucky for me I had
been. And the sound of something so dirty, and downright fucking vulgar, coming from
that sweet mouth of hers set every inch of me on fire, desire surging through me. I pulled
back from her skin, lifting my head to look at her. The fire in her eyes was intense, the
yearning in her expression stunning. Yeah, she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.
“It’ll be my pleasure,” I said, my voice thick with need. I kissed her passionately and she
moaned into my mouth, clinging onto me tightly. I started pulling at her clothes, stripping
the both of us quickly, discarding everything on the floor. I kissed down her neck and
across her collarbones, massaging her breasts gently. I took my tongue and swirled it
around her breast, capturing the nipple between my lips and sucking on it. She moaned
and cried out as my teeth scraped it lightly, goose bumps popping up along her chest. I did
the same to the other breast, not wanting to neglect that fucker. Every inch of her deserved
equal attention and I planned on making sure not a fraction of her went untouched or
caressed.
I worked my mouth down her body, dipping my tongue into her belly button. She giggled,
her body shaking lightly with her laughter, the sound warming my heart. I’d missed that
shit, for real, and it was no ones fucking fault but my own. There was no way I could let that
happen again; no way I could ever mistreat her like I had been doing ever again.
I spread her thighs apart, bringing my mouth straight to her clit. I flicked my tongue across
it and she cried out, her hands gripping onto me. I smirked at her response, loving her
body’s reaction to everything I did to her. I started sucking and licking on her pussy, tasting
her sweet juices as I pushed my two working fingers on my right hand into her tightness.
She was moaning and writhing, her thighs clenching as her body tensed up, her muscles
going taut. It was fucking beautiful, the way her body moved. It didn’t take her long to cum,
an orgasm coursing through her as she clenched around my fingers, more wetness seeping
out of her. She relaxed after a moment, panting and quivering, and I removed my fingers. I
climbed back up, pressing my lips to her passionately, and she wrapped her arms around
me. She was aroused, real fucking aroused. She wrapped her legs around me, pulling me
closer to her, and I groaned.
“You want me?” I asked, pressing myself against her, my dick grazing against her sensitive
clit. She cried out, a shiver ripping through her.
“Yes,” she panted. I hummed in response, bringing my mouth to her neck. I bit on her skin
lightly before bring my lips to her ear.
“Tell me you want me,” I whispered, pressing myself against her again. Her whole body
shook as she whimpered, clinging to me tightly.
“I want you,” she said, her voice shaking with need. “So badly, Edward.”
I groaned as my name came from her lips, my dick starting to throb. I reached down
between us, trying to hold myself up but the shit wasn’t fucking easy with a bum hand. I
spread her legs apart wider and started pushing myself into her. She moaned at the feeling
and I filled her up completely, pushing in as far as I could go. She was so wet and warm, the
tightest fucking thing I’d ever felt. There could never be a more perfect fit than her and I.
I pushed in and pulled out of her slowly, wanting to feel and savor every stroke. I made love
to her the only way I knew how, and that was by putting every ounce of love I felt into it. I
caressed her skin and kissed her lips, my nose brushing against hers lightly. She ran her
hands along my back, her fingers digging into my flesh, her hips coming up to meet my
thrusts. She was an amazing fucking creature, and I was blessed to be able to see her body
awakening sexually. I gazed into her eyes, drinking in all of the love and desire shining out
of them.
“Tu sei l'unico per me,” I whispered, before translating for her so she’d know what I was
telling her. “You’re the only one for me. Ti amerò per il resto della mia vita. I’ll love you the
rest of my life, baby. Sempre.”
“Sempre,” she echoed, clutching onto my hair and pulling my mouth towards her. She
kissed me fervently, desperation in her movements.
We made love on and off all afternoon, napping or just lying together and talking when we
weren’t going at it. I knew she was going to be fucking sore later if we kept it up, and I told
her that, but she was insistent she didn’t want to stop. She wanted it as much as me, her
desperation to be with me like that feeling almost better than the goddamn act itself.
She was sprawled out in the bed beside me at one point, sleeping peacefully and
murmuring random shit in her sleep. I was just watching and listening to her, half amused
at some of the things that came from her. The mark on her that Tanya had left was starting
to bother the hell out of me, as it had gotten significantly darker as the day went on.
Isabella shrugged it off, simply said she’d had worse, but that wasn’t the point. The point
was, those bitches knew better than to fuck with my girl like that. I’d given both Tanya and
Lauren fair warnings, they knew what they were doing wouldn’t fly with me.
I hated being fucking disrespected, and not only had they hurt and disrespected my girl,
bullied and tried to intimidate her, but they’d disrespected me. They’d tried to intervene in
my life, in shit that had nothing to do with them, and I couldn’t tolerate that. I was
immature and irrational sometimes, there was no goddamn doubt about it. It wasn’t the
considerate, compassionate, and understanding man that Isabella was turning me into that
picked up the telephone while she slept. It was the seventeen-year-old cocky kid who
wanted revenge that did it.
I sent Ben a text message, explaining the situation and what it was I wanted to do. I hoped
like hell he’d give me a hand or at least point me in the right direction because I knew he’d
be one of the few that I could trust. After I sent it I sat my phone down on the stand beside
my bed, rolling over onto my side to gaze at Isabella some more. She was laying on her
stomach, her bare back exposed to me. I stared at her scars, and I knew they were a part or
her and it was the bullshit that caused the scars that helped make her the person she was,
but I wished she’d never had to have them. I wished she’d never had to experience pain,
physical or otherwise. And because of that, I hated those fucking scars, but on the other
hand they were almost beautiful. They were beautiful because they showed her strength,
her character... they were a part of her, and there was nothing about her that was ugly. She
was so beautiful, inside and out, and deserved so much more than what she currently had. I
couldn’t wait to be able to give her more, to give her the world. I couldn’t wait to give her
what it was she deserved; what my fucking mother had sacrificed to give her.
Life. A real fucking life. The kind of life she deserved, where she was free. Free of her
imaginary chains, free of heartache, free of danger. Just fucking… free. I reached my hand
out tracing the word with my fingertips over her scarred back. Free. It was all that truly
mattered.
My phone chimed and I rolled over quickly, grabbing it before it woke her up. I glanced at
the screen and opened the text message, smirking when I read the words. ‘I’m in. You bring
it in the morning, I’ll handle the rest.’
We spent the rest of the day lounging around for the most part. We put clothes on
eventually and headed downstairs to hang out for a while. Isabella cooked dinner, because
she still did every night at 7pm like goddamn clockwork, and we ate and watched a movie
with the family. My father barely spoke all night but I kept catching him staring at Isabella,
his eyes lingering on the mark around her neck. He kept his expression blank but I could
see the anger in his eyes. I didn’t give a shit how he came off sometimes; it was blatantly
obvious to me that he truly did care about her.
We headed back upstairs after sunset and I did a bit of homework while Isabella read. It
was one of my mothers’ old books from the library, and I had no idea what it was but she
kept laughing so it had to have been fucking funny at least. I was glad she got enjoyment
out of it… it was about time my mother’s belongings got put to use instead of just collecting
dust. My mother wouldn’t have liked that shit.
I held her while we slept and the next morning I climbed out of bed early, not wanting to
wake her. I took a quick shower and pulled some clothes from my closet, getting dressed
quietly. I kept glancing over at her to make sure she was still asleep and walked over,
unlocking the drawer in my desk. I pulled out my flask and filled it with Grey Goose vodka,
knowing I’d need that shit to make it through this day. I closed the drawer and slipped the
flask in my pocket, walking over and unlocking a smaller drawer on the other side of the
desk. It was a drawer I rarely opened and I doubted Isabella even knew there was anything
in it. I opened it up and grabbed the manila envelope on top, slipping it into my back
pocket. I shut the drawer and grabbed my necessities, walking over toward the bed. I
leaned down and kissed Isabella’s cheek lightly, and she stirred but remained asleep.
I left quickly, not even bothering to wait on my brothers. They could drive themselves or
get rides with their girlfriends. I made it to school in record time, parking Isabella’s Audi in
the back so no one would hit it. Yeah, I treated her car just like I treated mine. Like I said, I
didn’t want anyone to fuck with anything that belonged to her.
I usually made it to school in the knick of time and was surprised at how many fucking
students were already there when I arrived. I tracked down Ben and handed him the
envelope and he smirked, nodding.
“Thank you,” I said, appreciating his help. He waved me off.
“As much shit as you’ve done for me, Cullen? It’s my pleasure. They’ve had it coming for a
long time anyway, they’re bitches toward Angela, all the time laughing at her because she’s
not a girly girl,” he said. I nodded.
“Yeah well, we’ll see who gets laughed at today,” I said. He smiled and nodded, holding the
package.
“Indeed we will,” he said.
He set off to handle business and the bell rang eventually, everyone filtering off to their
classes. The morning dragged by slowly, each minute feeling like a goddamn hour. I ended
up text messaging Bella half the fucking day to keep myself entertained and she went along
with it, always responding. She was getting better at the technological shit. I still hadn’t
gotten her to try to use a computer yet, but that was the next step. I’d have her fucking
googling and emailing before long.
Lunch rolled around and I sat with my brothers and their girls, having no appetite because
I was anxious for what was about to happen. I was fidgeting, unable to wait any fucking
longer, ready for those bitches to get what was coming to them. The bell rang, indicating
lunch was over, and I jumped up quickly to leave but Emmett grabbed my arm. “You’re up
to something,” he said. I glanced around the table and saw they were all giving me similar
suspicious looks. Yeah, they knew me too well. I shrugged.
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, smirking. “I’ll see you guys in
assembly.”
Rosalie groaned and I chuckled. We had an assembly after last period, one of those bullshit
times where they forced the entire student body together to lecture us on shit. Today’s topic
was the dangers of teen drinking, which was pretty fucking ironic given I had a flask of
liquor I’d been sipping on all day to keep myself from punching one of those bitches in the
face when they smiled at me.
“Oh you’re not going to want to miss this assembly, Rose. I heard it’s going to be, uh…
arousing,” I said, shrugging. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and I laughed again before
walking away.
The rest of classes went by slowly. When the bell finally rang for assembly, I moseyed on
over toward the hall, slipping inside and glancing around. I spotted the wavy red hair and
smirked when I saw the blonde sitting right beside her. I heard Alice call my name and
glanced over, seeing them sitting down three rows behind Tanya. I held up a finger at Alice,
telling her to hold on, and walked down to where Tanya and Lauren were. I slipped in the
row behind them, walking over and crouching down behind their seats.
“Hmmm, I see you two girls sitting here together and you know what goes through my
mind?” I asked, using the charming voice I knew turned bitches on. They jumped, startled
by my presence and turned around to look at me.
“Oh, hey Edward,” Lauren said in a flirtatious voice, smiling. “What’s that?” I smirked.
“Chi la fa l'aspetti,” I said softly, accenting that shit so they’d eat it up. “Enjoy the assembly,
ladies. I know I will.”
I stood up and walked away, strolling up to where my bothers were sitting with Alice and
Rosalie. I sat down in the seat beside Alice, glancing down and seeing Tanya and Lauren
eyeing me warily. I smirked again.
“Do I even want to know what you did?” Alice asked. I glanced over at her, raising my
eyebrows.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I haven’t done anything,” I said, shrugging. She
just glared at me and the principal started talking into the microphone up front, the lights
in the room dimming as the assembly began.
I pulled my flask out and opened it, taking a swig as he started droning on and on about
teenage drinking statistics. It was the same bullshit they told us every year and it never
made any fucking sense to me why they’d wait until after prom, when you know
motherfuckers my age are out drinking and partying, to show this shit to us. But whatever,
it’s not like it stopped us from drinking anyway.
He situated the projector screen and turned on a laptop, starting up a program. I slouched
back in my seat, kicking my feet up on the back of the chair in front of me, pissing off the
little freshman punk sitting in it but he didn’t say a goddamn word to me. He knew better.
They all fucking knew better… except for those two bitches a few rows down, anyway.
“We’re going to watch a slideshow about the risks of underage drinking,” the principal said.
I started laughing, because we sure as fuck were, but just not the kind of slideshow he
thought.
He clicked on the program and walked away, and the sound started up. Some man’s voice
started talking about how every day 11,318 American youths try alcohol for the first time
and the screen stayed blank for a moment before the picture flickered. Loud gasps rang out
and laughter erupted and I just smirked at the screen as the photograph popped up. Tanya
and Lauren, both naked, eating each other out. The chatter and laughter grew louder and
Lauren started shrieking and freaking out. She jumped up as the pictures started changing,
shifting through other shots. The principal was yelling and ran over, frantically pressing
buttons on the laptop and trying to make it stop. He couldn’t get it to close and gave up,
instead trying to block the screen.
“Back to your classrooms, all of you!” he shouted. No one budged, everyone too focused on
the show to pay him any fucking attention. Picture after picture of Lauren and Tanya in
compromising positions flashed on the screen, and I wasn’t in a goddamn single one of
them. There was absolutely no proof I was there or involved in any way, and no one knew
about that day but the three of us, so it would simply be their word against mine. And after
that shit they pulled at prom, half the school was well aware of their jealousy. Of course
they’d fucking blame me, wanting to get back at me, because they wanted me. They wanted
what they couldn’t have, and jealousy made bitches do crazy things.
No, there’s no way it was me. I didn’t have access to the programs or the know-how to put
it together. And none of those in charge would ever suspect or even for a moment entertain
the idea that Ben Cheney was involved. No, he was a model student, Yale after he
graduated. He was one of Forks finest, dated the preacher’s daughter. There’s no way he’d
do such a thing, nor would he have cause to.
I sat back and watched the chaos, glancing down at Tanya. She was glaring at me, looking
completely horrified. I smirked at her and winked, and her face turned bright red. She
jumped up and ran from the room, catcalls ringing out in her wake.
“Oh my God,” Alice said, sounding shocked. I glanced at her and saw she was staring at the
screen, stunned. “I can’t believe you, Edward.”
I shrugged and glanced back at the screen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Alice,” I
said. Lauren was still freaking out, shrieking and trying to cover up her image on the
screen. The principal was shouting for someone to kill the power, holding the plug in his
hand, confused as to why it was still running when it was no longer even plugged in. I
chuckled, realizing Ben had put it on battery backup. That motherfucker thought of
everything.
I pulled the flask back out, opening it up. I took a swig of vodka, knowing no one would be
fucking paying me any attention in the midst of the chaos, people yelling frantically and
running around. I held it out to Emmett and he took it, holding it up.
“To the dangers of teen drinking,” he said, motioning toward the screen. He took a swig
and shuddered, holding it back out to me. I took it and put the lid back on; knowing none
of the rest of them would want any. I slipped it back in my pocket.
“Should’ve brought popcorn,” Jasper and Rosalie both said at the same time. We all started
laughing.
“JINX!” Emmett yelled loudly. Our laughter grew and the power went out in the front
finally, most of the room growing completely dark. The room quieted quickly in the sudden
darkness and Emmett laughed. “More titties!” he hollered, shattering the new silence.
Everyone started up again, laughter and chatter ringing out in response to Emmett’s
statement. I heard a whack and Emmett yelled out as Rosalie smacked him on the back of
the head.
“I’ll show you titties, asshole,” she said. Emmett’s eyes widened.
“Really, baby?” he asked. “Hell, why are we still sitting here, then? Let’s go!”
He stood up and grabbed a hold of her, practically picking her up and carrying her from the
room. She was laughing and hitting him, demanding he put her down but he wasn’t
listening. We laughed and Jasper stood up, take Alice’s hand.
“Come on, love. Let’s get out of here,” he said. She smiled and waved goodbye to me,
following Jasper out. Other people started finally filtering out, the principal still
demanding we go to our classrooms. He was bright red and flustered, grilling Lauren about
what had happened. She was freaking out and I could hear her shouting my name, but
there wasn’t shit they could do to me. I honestly hadn’t done a goddamn thing. Plus, the
principal was too afraid of my father to even try to blame me so he let my name slide right
past him, as if he never heard it.
“Chi la fa l'aspetti,” I said to no one in particular. “What goes around comes around.
Payback is a bitch, bitch.”
Chapter 54 The Truth
"He learned to live with the truth. Not to accept it, but to live with it." - Nicole
Krauss, [The History of Love]
“You’re going to die.”
The four lone words rang out, shattering the intense silence that had enveloped the room. I
fought back the urge to balk or scoff at the statement, instead keeping my calm disposition.
It wasn’t as if it were something I hadn’t already thought to myself dozens of times, but
hearing it verbalized in that cold emotionless voice somehow made it more real. The words
were spoken so calmly, as if it was just another statement made in passing, words forgotten
almost the moment they registered in the mind. But they weren’t, because they were words
that would haunt me and linger in the air around me until the moment they became true. I
was going to die.
I glanced over in the direction the words had come, meeting the piercing eyes immediately.
They were dark, so dark you couldn’t differentiate between the pupil and the iris, and they
were extremely powerful. I wouldn’t exactly say they were emotional, as there was a sort of
callousness to them, but there was still intensity to them that sent a chill down my spine.
They were the same eyes dozens of men had looked into in their last moments on earth, the
eyes that had stared them down before their lives were taken from them. They were eyes
that could break even the hardest of men, elicit fear with just a look. They were the eyes of a
murderer, the eyes of a man who could stand up and reach inside his coat, pull out his .22
caliber Ruger Mark II pistol and put a bullet in you before you even realized what was
happening. More importantly, they were also the eyes of a man who wouldn’t hesitate to do
it if he felt it was necessary.
“I know,” I said simply, keeping my voice even despite my anxiety. I couldn’t let my nerves
show no matter what happened next. I realized I was taking a big risk here but I simply
didn’t know what to do anymore. I was running out of time and every scenario or potential
outcome my mind could conjure up seemed deplorable to me or impossible for me to pull
off on my own. There had to be another way, there simply had to be a way to escape this
situation without someone having to be harmed or lives being ruined because they were
unfortunate enough to be mixed up with me. And maybe it was wrong of me, to involve the
man whose eyes bore into me so intensely, but I didn’t know what else to do. He was the
most logical person I’d ever come across, and if there were a way out of the situation, he’d
know. He’d be able to see it and tell me. He was the only one who could help me; the only
one I trusted enough to help me. But on the other hand, part of me acknowledged that he
could very well be the one to end it all.
If I failed horribly, if those four lone words spoken a mere moment ago were to come true
anytime soon, the man whose eyes I gazed into would likely be the one to do it. Those dark
and dangerous eyes could very well be the last things I ever saw before I died.
He stared at me and didn’t speak, but that didn’t surprise me a bit. I’d sat across the room
from him and spoke for nearly an hour, spilling everything I knew, spelling out the entire
situation and my dilemma to him. I didn’t hold anything back and didn’t spare him any
details; because I knew even the most inconsequential things could potentially mean
something to him. And after I’d finished, he simply stared at me, those eyes practically
burning holes through me as he absorbed the information and processed what it meant for
me. What it meant for him, for all of us.
He’d remained silent for quite some time, the only sound in the room being that of the
clock ticking on the wall behind me, and every second that passed increased my anxiety. I
had no idea what was going through his mind, which path his thoughts were going down. I
wasn’t naïve, I knew for a fact at some point he’d deliberate as to whether or not to simply
kill me right here and right now and get it over with, but I just hoped that he wouldn’t settle
upon that.
And when he opened his mouth and finally spoke those four bone chilling prophetic words,
I oddly felt a twinge of relief. I was still breathing, living to see another minute, and that
told me that maybe-just maybe-there was hope after all.
Those eyes bore into me for a while longer and I could practically see his mind working
through different scenarios. I’d just placed the future in the palm of his hands, not only my
fate but the fate of two young love struck kids, and I could only hope that he’d see that and
find a way for me to fix this. If not for me, then for them.
Because behind those deep and perilous eyes, within that hard exterior, lay a real man with
a heart. A man that had known me since we were children. A man that had been welcomed
into my family with open arms. A man who loved my sister with all of his being, and
because of that he was a man who understood the love I had for my own wife, and it was
that man that I was appealing to. I wasn’t asking him as Mafiosi what I should do, because
I knew what a mafia man was supposed to do with what I had. I was asking him as my
family.
Because those eyes belonged to my brother-in-law Alec, and I only hoped that despite
everything he’d be able to understand my position. That he’d hear me as my sister’s
husband, and not as a caporegime in la cosa nostra.
Today was June 18th and the first thought that ran through my mind when I awoke this
morning was that we’d finally reached judgment day. It was the day I called it in the game
of life, preparing to lay my cards out on the table, and I hoped that when I did so there’d be
a winning hand and that I wasn’t forced to fold.
Either way, nothing would ever be the same after today for any of us; I knew that as a fact.
It was frightening in a sense but necessary, and which way it all went depended mostly
upon the man who sat across from me. It depended upon whether or not he was willing to
play the game.
Tomorrow, June 19th, my two oldest sons would graduate from high school. I couldn’t be
prouder of either one and I knew that if Elizabeth were here she’d be equally as proud of all
they’d achieved so far. They both found wonderful girls and have fallen in love, and both
were heading off to college in the fall, ready to embark on their lives. They were both good
kids, neither ever truly getting into any trouble beyond normal teenage debauchery.
Emmett was going to study computer science at Notre Dame, which I know Elizabeth
would’ve been ecstatic about.
Jasper was staying closer to home because of Alice, and although I knew he could do a lot
better than the University of Washington in Seattle, I also understood his reasoning and
ventured to guess his mother would’ve been equally as ecstatic about. She was a believer in
sacrificing for true love and I was a testament to that, so I liked to think she wouldn’t fault
her son for his decision. In fact, she’d likely have praised him for the selflessness and
maturity such a decision took.
It was depressing to admit, but out of everything I’d done those two boys felt like my
biggest accomplishments in life. I’d fucked up so much over the years and just the fact that
my eldest two sons had survived it intact and were setting off on paths that didn’t even
remotely resemble the one I walked down at their age made me feel as if I’d finally done
something right. There was finally something I hadn’t destroyed, someone’s lives I hadn’t
helped to ruin. No matter what happened those two were okay at least, and that made me
feel like maybe I hadn’t been that horrible of a father after all. That maybe I hadn’t been
that big of a disappointment to my late wife.
But my enthusiasm and pride over tomorrow’s event was being overshadowed by an even
bigger event happening the very next day. An event that I’d been dreading most of all; the
event that had forced me to finally break my silence about this situation and take action.
There was no more time to delay; no more time to sit back and just hope things resolved
themselves on their own because it was clear that wasn’t happening. I needed to get this
situation figured out before it got even worse, because I knew in two days time it potentially
could.
Because in two very short days, on June 20th, Edward would finally turn 18.
I wasn’t entirely sure where his head was, what he was planning for his future, but I hoped
that the words he’d spoken those weeks ago in my office held true. I hoped he had
absolutely no intention of following in my footsteps, that he had no intention of going to
Chicago or involving himself in that life in any way. But I also knew that things changed in
the blink of an eye, and I was well aware that Aro was desperate to get his hands on him.
He wanted the ultimate principe della mafia to follow in his footsteps, a puppet he could
force to do his bidding and mould into a cold calculating soldier, and that thought sickened
me. It sickened me as a father and I knew if Elizabeth were still alive just the mere thought
of it would devastate her.
I knew Aro could be persuasive and that he wasn’t above manipulation, and I was afraid of
what he’d do to get his hands on my son. I was afraid of what or who he’d use to draw
Edward into the life, and because of that I knew I needed to be proactive. I had to be on the
offensive and make some preventative measures. I couldn’t just sit back and prepare my
defense, because if it came down to it my defense would fail with what I was up against and
we’d all go down in flames.
My youngest was turning 18, would finally be emancipated in the eyes of the law, and
outside forces were already threatening to take his life away from him. That was why today
was so important, why I sat across from my brother-in-law and gazed into those piercing
eyes, awaiting judgment. Alec and Esme had flown in this morning for Emmett and
Jasper’s graduation and to celebrate Edward’s birthday with him. All of the kids had gotten
up before dawn to head to Port Angeles for the afternoon and Esme was upstairs, settling
their things into Isabella’s bedroom for their stay, purposely giving the two of us some
space. She knew what I had planned; she knew I was finally telling her husband what I
knew. She was well aware that I was asking him to set aside everything he’d vowed to the
Borgata in order to help my child and the girl he loved. Esme was confident love would win
out, that he’d be unable to deny me, but I wasn’t as sure.
“She doesn’t look like a principessa della mafia,” he stated, breaking the silence that had
overcome the room once more. I nodded slowly.
“I had the very same thought. I almost said it to her when I got the second DNA sample.
Her skin’s too pale, she doesn’t look like a full-blooded Italian,” I said.
“But you’re positive of it,” he responded with, speaking the words as a statement and not a
question, but I nodded in response anyway. He knew I wouldn’t have dared bring it up to
him if I weren’t entirely sure.
“Both samples hit,” I added quietly.
“Principessa della mafia. Perché non lo vedo prima d'ora? Ha perfettamente senso,” he said
to himself after a moment, shaking his head. “I always suspected there was more to that
girl. It just never made sense to me that the elder Swan would do something as deplorable
as put a hit out on your wife simply because Isabella was his granddaughter. Aro might
have accepted that fact, but it just wasn’t logical to me. Sure he treated his granddaughter
horribly, but it wasn’t so awful that the Borgata would’ve ever penalized him for it. It
would’ve been an embarrassment maybe, but not a serious infraction and not worth killing
over. But this… this is definitely worth killing over.”
I cringed as he spoke the words, knowing he didn’t mean them as they came off but not
liking the sound of them none-the-less. Nothing would have ever been worth killing my
wife over. He must’ve noticed my reaction because he continued quickly. “I’m not saying
she should’ve died. You know how I feel about that situation so I’m not going to get into
that. I still to this day wish I would’ve done more to thwart her attempts when she came to
me the afternoon of your father’s funeral, but it never once crossed my mind that Swan
could be this heinous.”
“None of us did, Alec,” I said, not wanting him to feel guilty. None of it was his fault. He
nodded and looked away from me, staring down at the plush carpeting of my living room
floor. He was obviously deep in thought again, sorting through the information once more.
“It’s hard to believe she’s one of our own,” he said after a moment, his voice calm as usual.
“Not saying I don’t believe you, because I do, Carlisle. It’s just a bit surreal to discover after
all of these years that the little slave girl is Marcus and Didyme’s granddaughter. That her
mother Renee is really Bree, and that she somehow managed to survive.”
I nodded. “I know. It took me awhile to come to grips with the information myself.”
“What are the odds that the woman living in that barn in Phoenix and the child that sleeps
in this house would both end up being related to… him,” he said. “Of all people…”
“…Aro,” I said quietly, completing his thought.
“He has surviving blood relatives after all,” he said, shaking his head and sighing. “Nieces.”
I nodded hesitantly, confirming that. So many people had been lost in the chaos in the 70’s
when the underground wars started between organizations, a lot of the bodies never
recovered. It started when Joseph Columbo, leader of the Profaci Family, started the
Italian-American Civil Rights League and started making a spectacle of our lifestyle,
drawing unnecessary attention by law enforcement to the five major crime families in New
York. The closest family to them, the Gambino’s, called him out on his actions and it
escaladed to an all out brawl between organizations, spreading out from New York to the
rest of the country.
It began with the assassination of Columbo and became about revenge and bloodshed, men
killing families and going against everything our organizations had believed in simply for
vengeance. The Italian families always swore to leave the women and children alone, but
they were so blinded by their hatred and blood thirst then that they took it out on the
innocent. It was sickening, but I understood and that made it even worse. I understood,
because years later I’d gotten trapped in a similar situation. I’d nearly taken my own quest
for vengeance out on the innocent.
My father had sent Esme and I here to Washington when the fighting broke out, which was
where we’d first met Alec and Jane as children. We’d been lucky and came out of it
unscathed, but many others hadn’t. Marcus and Didyme were eventually discovered buried
in a cornfield in Idaho. It was just naturally assumed the daughter had perished and was
disposed of, as they had no means to identify babies’ bodies when they surfaced and there
was nothing distinguishable about them to tell them apart. There was no DNA to match up
back in those days, no way to tell who was who unless they were recognizable. They’d later
found the body of a girl a few miles from the cornfield in Idaho that was estimated to be
around the age Bree had been, so it was always just assumed to have been her. It was clear
to me now that wasn’t the case, though. I don’t know whose child was buried in the
cemetery beside Marcus and Didyme’s grave, but it surely wasn’t theirs. Their daughter had
lived through it. Their daughter had survived the bloodshed.
He stared at me for a bit longer. “You know, I’ve had this feeling for awhile that you were
hiding something, but I never imagined it would be this, Carlisle. The odds of that woman
turning out to be Aro’s dead niece are about as great as the odds of Jimmy Hoffa showing
up tomorrow on the corner of Lincoln Avenue and Orchard Street in Lincoln Park back in
Chicago.”
“Yeah, well, you never know Alec. I’m inclined to believe anything’s possible now,” I said,
shaking my head.
“True. They did all disappear around the same time. I guess I’ll be on the lookout for Hoffa
now when I’m in the neighborhood,” he said, his tone completely serious. I started
laughing, as it was absurd because Hoffa was most definitely dead, but he just gazed at me
with a displeased expression on his face. I quieted myself quickly, knowing I shouldn’t be
laughing because there was nothing funny about this situation and he obviously didn’t see
the humor in what he’d said.
“So let me get this straight. Whoever killed Marcus and Didyme sold their child to the
Swans, and Charles Sr. purchased the child knowing she was a principessa della mafia
within his own organization. He was aware he was buying one of his own, that he was
keeping own of his owns blood as a slave and never said a word about it. He had your wife
killed because of it, he ordered the wife of a fellow Mafioso murdered in an attempt to
retain his secret, because he knew what he was doing would be an automatic death
sentence if discovered by Aro,” he said, summing up in a few seconds what had taken me
almost an hour to explain.
“As it would be for me, if Aro were to find out,” I added quietly. He eyed me curiously for a
moment before nodding.
“Yes,” he said simply. I sighed, nodding once more at his confirmation. I was well aware
that if it were exposed that I’d kept possession of Isabella after discovering her blood
relation to the organization, I’d be killed. There’s no way Aro would even pause to consider
my reasoning or attempt to figure out my position. He wouldn’t understand anyway, even if
I were allowed a chance to explain.
“You do understand why I’ve done what I’ve done, right?” I asked hesitantly, eyeing him
cautiously. Aro might not be able to understand, but I was truly hoping the man across
from me would. Aro would simply see my actions as treacherous, but I hoped Alec would at
least see the logic behind them. “You understand why I couldn’t simply turn the girl over to
him.”
“Yes,” he said. “We wouldn’t still be sitting here speaking, Carlisle, if some part of me didn’t
agree with you. The fallout from turning her over to Aro and confessing her true identity
would be catastrophic. Not only would you be killed on principle, but her life would also be
placed in grave danger. James is set upon inheriting Aro’s dynasty, is banking on the fact
that he’s the closest thing Aro has left to a true relative. Edward is in enough danger
because of Aro’s interest in him, adding the girl to the equation would only jeopardize them
both further.”
He paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m not sure James would risk trying to kill her, but he
would definitely try to take her as his own to cement his position as Aro’s heir. And if what
you state is correct, that Edward loves the slave girl, I could see a potential war starting
between those two boys over her. She’d be caught in the middle with no control over what
becomes of her. She’d frankly be safer with my sister in Phoenix than she would be in
Chicago with Aro.”
“Exactly. If I sent her to Chicago, Edward would follow right behind and I don’t doubt at all
that he’d fight to the death for her,” I said, shaking my head. If I handed Isabella over to the
organization, it would drive my son directly to them and I simply couldn’t take that sitting
down, not without at least trying to thwart it. “Not to mention what all of this would mean
for the organization as a whole. They never did determine who murdered Didyme and
Marcus, and you know Aro had a hard time letting that go. He’s finally learned to live with
it but if he were to discover that whoever murdered his sister and brother-in-law also sold
his niece into slavery to one of his own friends, it would be reopening that wound. He’d go
on a warpath, wouldn’t trust any of us after finding out men he considered friends had kept
his blood family from him, and we have enough problems within the Borgata right now.”
I sighed, reaching up to pinch the bridge of my nose. “He’d kill Charles and your sister and
anyone who’s had contact with them over the years, anyone who had seen or spoken to
Ren--- uh, Bree, and hadn’t helped her, regardless of if they knew or even were in the
position to help. He would not only destroy our organization from the inside out, but he’d
go to war with anyone that potentially had a hand in it. My father had been around to
control him back when they first died, to calm the fighting and keep the vigilante justice at
a minimum within our own house, but with him in charge… there’s just no telling. He
claims to be all business but he wouldn’t see this logically at all and a lot of people would
die in his quest for vengeance. He’d point the finger in every direction and go after every
single one of them until he finally found the right one.”
“History repeating itself,” Alec said. “He’d start another underground war in response to
the first one.”
“Exactly,” I said. “I’d likely be dead before it even began, but my family would most
definitely be endangered by a mafia civil war and I wouldn’t be around to protect them.”
He nodded. “We’d all be in danger, Carlisle,” he reiterated. I nodded.
“Yes. I’m trying to find a way out of this where that’s avoided. I’m not worried about
myself, Alec. I’ve accepted that my odds of surviving this are slim no matter which way it
goes down, but I just don’t want either of those kids to be taken down by something they
have control over. They don’t need any more heartache; they’ve both had it rough enough.
They deserve a life,” I said. He glanced at me and raised his eyebrows.
“So you just want principe and principesse to be able to ride off into the sunset, to live
happily ever after? That’s not asking for too much, correct?” he asked, his voice cold and
hard. “I hate to be the one to break it to you Carlisle, but this is the real world. This isn’t the
stuff fairy tales are made of. I have a greater chance of getting you out of this alive than I do
of making sure both of them remain entirely unscathed. This will hurt people, and there’s a
good chance one or both of them will have to suffer or sacrifice. I honestly don’t know what
you expect of me, I can only do so much.”
“I’m not asking you to really do anything, Alec. I don’t want to have to involve you, I’m
just…” I started, but he cut me off with a bitter laugh, the sound striking something inside
of me that sent dread coursing through me.
“You’re getting soft, Carlisle. I don’t know what’s happened to you, but I don’t like it. I can
understand your personal logic in what you’ve done concerning the slave girl, but nothing
else makes sense to me. You claim you aren’t trying to involve me, but do you not see
you’ve involved me from day one? You’ve involved Esme in this mess, and by involving her
you involve me. I thought you were smarter than that Carlisle, that you had more sense
than this. She may be your sister but she’s my wife damnit, and you’re risking her life over
this girl! That I can’t accept or understand. Not a bit,” he said, shaking his head. He was
raising his voice and I could hear the tinge of passion in it, surprising me. Alec never really
lost his composure or showed emotion.
“I didn’t intend…” I started, not wanting him to think I planned to push the entire situation
onto him. I just needed some guidance, some outside reasoning, but he cut me off before I
could express that.
“No, I’m sure you didn’t intend it Carlisle. But I would’ve thought you of all people would
understand. You lost your wife to this life, lost her because of that slave girl, and now you’re
putting me in the same exact situation. For someone who loved and grieved so wholly, you
surely didn’t hesitate to set me up to endure the same fate. For someone who claims to love
his family and would sacrifice himself for them, you surely didn’t consider what this meant
for your sister or for me. In your quest to ensure your son didn’t follow in your footsteps,
you managed to set your sister up to follow in your wife’s footsteps,” he snapped.
“Do you know how it felt to have my wife come to me and ask me to save that girl? What I
felt to have her look at me and plead for me to rescue Isabella Swan from Phoenix? She
used almost the same exact words your wife used when she came to me years ago. I refused
them both because it wasn’t my place to intervene, and I want nothing more than to refuse
your request for help right now but I can’t. I’m a logical man and I recognize I have no
choice but to help you and attempt to salvage some lives. If I didn’t know what happened
next based on the past, I’d turn you in right now. But doing so would be turning my wife in
and sealing the rest of our fates also.”
I stared at him, slightly stunned by his outburst. In all of the years I’d known Alec, I’d never
heard him go off so passionately. It hadn’t even really dawned on me what he was saying,
the position I was truly putting my sister in. I’d been selfish lately with my concern.
“So yes, I’ll help you Carlisle, but I’m not doing it because of you. I’m doing it for my wife. If
I have to die because of this, at least I’ll die fighting for something worth fighting over,” he
said, staring at me pointedly. “I make no promises, but I’ll see what I can manage despite
the fact that it goes against everything I’ve sworn myself to. All I know is this slave girl
better damn well be worth it to you.”
I gazed at him briefly. “She was to Elizabeth,” I said. He shook his head, bringing his hands
up to rub his face with frustration.
“L'amore domina senza regole. The things we do for women,” he muttered. “First of all, I
need the doctor’s name that ran the DNA tests for you and has the results.”
I eyed him warily. “Why?” I asked. He raised his eyebrows, looking surprised.
“I’m helping you and you’re questioning my motives, Carlisle?” he asked, shaking his head.
“You really have gone soft. The Carlisle I used to know would’ve put a bullet in that man
without a second thought and now you’re even hesitating upon giving me his name? What
is it about this girl that incites such reactions from people?”
I sighed, and ran my hand through my hair. “I don’t know, I’ve asked myself that question
so many times. And I was trying not to kill any innocents, Alec,” I said. “I’ve been paying
him off and he’s kept his mouth shut so far.”
Alec gazed at me, his expression almost one of disbelief. “Chi vuole mantenere un segreto
deve nascondere il fatto che egli possiede uno,” he said coolly. Whoever wishes to keep a
secret must hide the fact that he possesses one. “Money will only get you so far. At some
point it won’t be enough. The only way to ensure he keeps his mouth shut is to ensure he
doesn’t have the ability to ever open his mouth again. I understand the desire to not harm
innocents and I know you’ve done all you can do the past few years to keep that blood off of
your hands because of what you did, but that’s not always plausible. Maybe out in society it
is, but in the world we live in collateral damage is often unavoidable. Kill or be killed, you
know that.”
I nodded hesitantly, knowing it was the truth but still not wanting to go down that path.
“Dr. Scomparsa,” I said. He stared at me intensely for a moment before the corner of his
lips started turning up, a small smile overcoming his mouth.
“Seriously?” he asked, some amusement in his voice. I nodded and his smile grew. I
watched him curiously for a moment, a bit caught off guard by his reaction. “Well, Carlisle,
I do believe your wife would’ve declared this as ‘fate’. I couldn’t think of a more fitting
name for the man.”
It dawned on me after a second what he was referring to and I smiled involuntarily.

Scomparsa, an Italian word referring to a disappearance or death. He started laughing and
I probably should’ve been disturbed that out of everything he’d find this bit humorous, but
I couldn’t seem to bring myself to really turn the switch to my emotions on and care at the
moment. I was just grateful for his involvement in whatever way he wanted to be involved.
At least I wasn’t alone anymore; at least I wasn’t carrying the burden of this secret on my
own.
“I have to say, I’m surprised you’d trust a man named Dr. Death,” he said, shaking his
head. “But I’ll handle him. He’s in Port Angeles, correct? I’ll need his address.”
I felt a twinge of guilt at the nonchalant way Alec discussed the man, as I’d known him for
quite some time. “I’ll give you his office and his home addresses,” I said. He nodded in
acknowledgement.
“Good. I’ll slip off sometime this weekend while we’re here,” he said simply. “And is there
anyone else who may know? Anyone who may suspect something?”
I considered the answer briefly. “Just Edward,” I said, eyeing him cautiously. He raised his
eyebrows with surprise.
“You’ve told Edward?” he asked. I shook my head no, sighing.
“He’s too curious for his own good. He got nosey and started digging. He didn’t locate any
names but he’s hinted that he has it figured out. I don’t know for sure, but I realize he likely
may,” I said quietly, unsure of how Alec was going to take that. I recognized he didn’t want
anyone beside him, Esme, and myself alive that knew and wasn’t sure how he’d want to
handle Edward.
He sat quietly, mulling it over. “Maybe it’s for the best that he knows,” he said finally. My
brow furrowed at his response, as it was the last thing I expected to hear. I expected at least
irritation or disappointment at a new complication. “If something goes wrong, I think it
would be fair that Edward understands why and what he’s up against. If he likely knows
anyway, I don’t see the harm in informing him outright.”
I contemplated his statement. “I’ll consider it,” I said, hoping he’d accept that for now. His
logic made sense but I was still so hesitant to divulge anything to Edward and involve him
in this any more than he already was. He nodded.
“Fair enough. He’s your child. I do have to say, though, I’m conflicted as to who he reminds
me of more these days, a younger you or his mother. He’s such a big mix of the two it
makes him a potentially dangerous kid. Curiosity and hostility doesn’t make for a stable
disposition,” he said, shaking his head. “I can see why Aro wants him so badly. He’ll be a
force to be reckoned with if guided properly.”
I nodded, feeling the dread at the statement. I knew it was the truth, even I could see
Edward’s potential worth to the organization.
“What should I do about Renee, or, uh, Bree?” I asked, the fact that she was still under the
Swan’s control weighing on my mind heavily lately. I couldn’t just go in and demand that
Charles give her to me. Not only was that against our code of conduct, considering Renee
was considered Swan property and I couldn’t just take her, but it also would raise suspicion
because it would be so out of character for me. Aro would want to know why I was suddenly
so interested in another slave, and using the excuse that Isabella was her daughter wouldn’t
fly with him. He wouldn’t care about a slave’s mother, would deem it unnecessary and
basically forbid me from doing so.
“Nothing for the time being. I’ll keep an eye on her and try to make sure Charles keeps his
hands off of her. I don’t like leaving a principessa della mafia in that situation, but it’s for
the best for now, until we can ensure this information isn’t coming out,” he said. I nodded.
“That’s fine,” I said, knowing he had the ability to pull her out but understanding why he’d
not want her in his home until he was sure it wasn’t going to come back to haunt him if the
information was exposed. He didn’t want to be in the same position I was in… owning one
of Aro’s blood relatives as a slave. That would endanger him and my sister even more than
they were already endangered because of me.
“Do you think Charles or my sister may know?” he asked after a moment. I shook my head.
“No, I would’ve known if something was off. Your sister would gloat about it and I doubt
they would’ve given Isabella up so easily had they have figured out her identity, knowing it
could be discovered. And I’m sure he didn’t know anything then, when… it happened…” I
trailed off. Alec watched me for a moment.
“It’s been almost five years now, huh?” he asked. I laughed dryly, nodding.
“Today,” I said. “Today makes exactly five years.”
June 18th--the anniversary of the day I’d hit rock bottom. Most people would assume
bottom was when my wife had died or the year afterward when I’d been unable to come
home and face my own children because of my shame and guilt and anger, but it wasn’t. I
hit my bottom years later…
~*~ ~*~
June 18th, 2001
I sped down the desolate highway, my hands shaking and my eyes burning from lack of
sleep, threatening to close on me. My body was growing weary, desperate for rest, but there
was no way I could stop now. I’d come too far to stop, entirely too far to just give in to the
exhaustion.
My cell phone started chiming loudly from the passenger seat and I glanced over, blinking
as the harsh yellowish green light lit up the darkness. I reached over and picked it up,
squinting at the screen and trying to read the name. I felt the car jarring after a moment
and glanced back out of the windshield quickly, dropping the cell phone and gripping the
steering wheel tightly when I realized I’d run off the road. I swung a hard left, trying to
correct myself, and skidded sideways briefly before regaining control. My heart was
pounding erratically, my palms sweaty as the panic surged through me. My adrenaline
started pumping and waking up my tired body, a queasiness brewing in the pit of my
stomach.
My phone started chiming again after a moment and I glanced around quickly, seeing the
yellowish-green illumination on the passenger side floorboard. I sighed and looked back
out at the road, knowing there was no way to reach it without pulling over and parking the
car. It wasn’t as if I’d really answer it, considering I hadn’t the last dozen times it rang. I
knew who it was and I knew he was calling to stop me, but I couldn’t. No matter what it
meant for me next, I couldn’t simply stop. That was out of the question.
I turned the air conditioning up high and cranked the stereo, hoping the loud rock music
and the cold air blasting on me would be enough to keep me from drifting off. It drowned
out the sound of my ringing phone but I could still see it lighting up periodically,
illuminating the car with its harsh glow. It was grating on my nerves and sending my
temper flaring. I punched the dash of the car in frustration and screamed, my voice
drowned out by the sound of the Linkin Park song coming from the speakers, wishing it
would just STOP. I wanted it all to just stop, every bit of it, but I just couldn’t seem to get
myself to stop. I was too close; I’d come too far. Everything was so out of control and I was
out of control.
Twenty-six hours. I’d been driving for a total of twenty-six hours straight, stopping only
long enough to fill the gas tank or relieve myself when necessary. I’d climbed behind the
wheel of the car last night around twilight in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago and
just started driving upon instinct, my mind frantic and my thoughts disjointed. I didn’t
know what I was thinking driving here, what I hoped to accomplish or even what exactly I
was going to do when I arrived. I knew I was going against everything I’d agreed upon,
knowingly disobeying orders and I was coherent enough to recognize that could have
devastating consequences for me, but I wasn’t coherent enough to care. I didn’t care what
happened to me because I wasn’t thinking about me at the moment. I wasn’t thinking of
the future at all, was only reacting in the moment. All I could think about was revenge. I
wanted vengeance--I needed payback. I couldn’t rest until I settled the score, until they all
paid and hurt like I’d hurt. I couldn’t stop until it was over, until they suffered as much as
I’d been suffering.
I walked inside that large house in Lincoln Park a little over twenty-six hours ago and stood
in front of the man who controlled my life, hearing the four words that were echoing
through my mind constantly like a tape on repeat. Over and over again, the words driving
me forward, “Charles Swan did it.”
He’d explained more after that but none of it sunk in or really affected me like those first
four words. I recalled him telling me not to react, that he’d call Swan to Chicago when he
got the chance and we’d have a sit-down, and like a good little minion I’d nodded in
agreement. ‘Yes, sir’ ‘Whatever you say, sir’, I’d said robotically, knowing I couldn’t say
anything else. He’d dismissed me, telling me to go home to my children because my
youngest would be turning 14 in a few days and he needed his father. I’d agreed once more
and walked out, but the moment I sat down behind the wheel of the car all logic and reason
left.
All I could hear were those four words, and all I could feel was the anger and hatred. All I
could think of was revenge. He’d had my wife killed and destroyed my family, permanently
scarring my son in the process. His scars were mental and physical, and there was no way I
could go home and face him. Not now, not knowing, and definitely not without doing
anything about it. Edward and Elizabeth deserved retribution, and Charles Swan deserved
to pay with blood. No, I couldn’t face my son, the one who looked so much like Elizabeth,
until I fixed this.
So there I was, twenty-six hours later, exhausted and unstable, on the verge of losing my
very last shred of sanity as I sped down that desolate highway, heading straight for the
Swan’s residence. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I arrived, but I was sure that I
wasn’t walking away until the agony was gone. I wasn’t walking away until justice was
served.
The closer I got to my destination, the more frenzied I grew. My mind was on the verge of a
mental breakdown and my body was revolting against me, the fact that I’d been awake for
two days straight wearing me down. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d ate or drank anything,
besides the bottle of vodka on the seat beside me, and knew my lack of nourishment and
dehydration was making everything worse. The vodka had been long gone hours ago, but I
was sure the effects of it were still mingling in my body. I’d been drinking a lot lately; a lot
more than I’d ever drank before. I kept it from everyone, not wanting them to worry about
me, but I was teetering on the edge. I was slipping, and hearing those four fucking words
all those hours ago wasn’t helping me keep my grip on reality.
My eyes were unfocused and felt like tiny grains of sand were lodged in them. I was light-
headed and nauseated, my mind slipping, as I couldn’t seem to get a hold of my thoughts
anymore. My hands were shaking even harder than before and I was cursing them, telling
them to fucking knock it off. I had steady hands; it was one of the things I was known for.
Carlisle Cullen never shook; Carlisle Cullen could aim and hit a moving target better than
the rest of them. But now… now my hands were anything but steady. They were idle hands,
trembling and sweating, rebelling like the rest of me.
I was a few miles out from the turn off to the Swan property when I saw the headlights of a
car coming in my direction. I swerved back into my lane, having been riding in the middle
of the highway, and slowed down some so I wasn’t going so far over the speed limit. The
last thing I needed right now was to get pulled over, carrying a loaded unregistered weapon
and slightly intoxicated. I glanced at the vehicle as it whizzed by, tensing up and rage
surging through me when I realized it was them. It was unmistakable, because no one ever
travelled this deserted road and Swan was a car aficionado, entirely too flashy for his own
good. He bragged about his new bright yellow Ferrari 360 the last time I’d seen him and
the moment I saw it, I knew exactly what it was.
I slammed on the brakes, the car skidding to a stop with a loud screech, and made a quick
U-Turn. I nearly lost control of the vehicle when it went off the side of the road as I
attempted to turn around, but I managed to get it straightened back out. I pressed down
hard on the gas pedal and lunged forward, trying to close the distance between our
vehicles. I wasn’t thinking clearly and logically had no plan as to what I would do when I
caught him, but none of that mattered in the moment. All that mattered was that it was
him and that there was no way he was getting away from me. Not now, not after what he’d
done. Not now that I knew the truth. Not after I’d heard the four simple words that were
still echoing in my head loudly, driving me to the edge. Charles Swan did it.
The car accelerated rapidly, closing in on the yellow sports car. The red lights in front of me
came on as he hit his brakes, obviously noticing my rapid approach. He could easily outrun
me and hit 200 mph if he wanted and I wouldn’t be able to touch him in the Mercedes, but
Charles Swan Sr. wasn’t that logical. He slowed the car some and in my irrational unstable
state, I floored it. I slammed the gas pedal and went straight for him. He must’ve realized
what was happening at the last moment because he slammed his own gas pedal, his tires
squealing as he shot forward again, but it was too late. He was too slow.
I rammed straight into the Ferrari, turning the wheel quickly and clipping the back corner
of it. I was thrusted forward and my chest slammed into the steering wheel because I didn’t
have my seatbelt on. Pain shot through me and my vision blurred out as I gasped for air.
The force caused both cars to skid sideways and I gripped the wheel tightly, turning it and
trying to straighten the car back out as I let go of the gas pedal. I heard the tires squealing
and a loud crash as the Ferrari flew off the side of the road, straight into some large
boulders jutting out in the desert sand. I hit the brake after a second and the car skidded
some more, swerving in the road before swinging around and nearly flipping over. It
eventually came to stop in the middle of the highway facing the opposite direction I’d been
going, thankfully still intact for the most part and on all four wheels. My breathing was
shallow and my heart was pounding erratically, my eyes foggy and stinging. The pain in my
chest was intense, every breath hurting. I realized I’d likely broken a rib or fractured my
sternum, but was just grateful I hadn’t hit my head in the process. A broken rib I could
tolerate and handle, swelling in the brain I couldn’t.
The adrenaline coursing through me, coupled with my exhaustion and the physical blows
from the accident made me feel sick, everything foggy and surreal in the moment. Smoke
and dust lingered around the area from the collision, my eyes burning and watering. I
brought my hands up to rub my face as my vision blurred out again. I took a deep breath,
trying to compose myself, and groaned as the pain intensified in my chest.
I pushed the door open after a moment, blinking rapidly and trying to focus my eyes. I
reached over for my pistol, glancing around briefly when it wasn’t on the seat where it had
been, finally locating it on the floorboard. I grabbed it and stepped out of the car, my legs
weak and shaking, threatening to give out as I put weight on them. I gripped onto the door
until I was stable, glancing around. The Ferrari was totaled; the front end crushed from the
impact with the boulder and smoke was filtering into the air around it. I didn’t see any
movement in the car but started walking toward it slowly, watching cautiously. I neared the
drivers side and heard the gasping and sputtering, pausing briefly to listen. I started
forward again after a second, stopping right beside the door and glancing down at him. The
window was busted out, glass shattered around and crunching under my feet. He turned
his head to look at me, the fear overcoming his expression as his eyes took me in.
“Carlisle?” he sputtered in disbelief. I just stared at him and felt the anger rising up, the
pure hatred and bloodlust rocking through me. It was fucking him. He’d done it. He’d
destroyed my family, taken my wife from me. I loved her more than anything in this world,
I loved her more than my own fucking life, and he took that from me. He was going to pay.
He had to fucking pay.
“Charles Swan did it,” I muttered to myself, my voice oddly calm as I repeated those four
horrid words that were eating at me. He gasped, his eyes going wide with shock as what I’d
said registered with him.
“Uh… I… uh, Carlisle, I…” he started, wheezing and gasping for air. He was pinned in, his
legs crushed under the front of the car and I could tell by the sound of his breathing that he
had at least a collapsed lung. I glanced over at the passenger side and saw his wife slumped
over, her legs also trapped. She wasn’t moving at all and there was blood pouring out of her
ears, indicating she likely had what I guessed was a severe base skull fracture from blunt
force trauma. She wouldn’t be a problem to me, as she was already as good as dead.
I glanced back at Charles and could see he was still stammering, his eyes welled up with
tears as some streamed down his face. I couldn’t hear his words anymore and in that
moment I didn’t even take time to wonder why. His mouth was moving frantically but all I
heard was buzzing, my ears ringing loudly. Seeing him crying and begging for his life made
my rage surge, my anger completely overcoming me and blocking out everything else.
“You killed my wife,” I snapped, losing the last shred of composure and sanity I had in that
moment. He brought his hands up to shield himself and I brought the gun up, but instead
of pointing it at him I grabbed the barrel, gripping it tightly. I reached my arm back and
slammed him in the face with it with every ounce of force I could muster.
I blacked out, going completely on autopilot, having no conscious recognition of my

actions. I don’t know how long I stood there beating him but by the time I resurfaced, my
mind coming back around and it registering what I was doing, the body in the driver’s seat
was unrecognizable. My hand was cramped as I gripped the gun, my arm sore from the
force of my blows. I glanced down and saw my hands were coated in blood and it was
splattered all over the front of me, covering my shirt. The sight of it brought me back
around and I felt the sickness rising up. I doubled over and started dry heaving, gripping
onto the side of the car to keep myself from toppling over.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to ignore the pain in my chest and get a grip on myself. I
couldn’t fall apart now, not after all of that. I needed to fix this, I needed to finish it. I stood
back upright and glanced back into the car. They were both obviously dead, blood
everywhere inside. I took a deep breath and started walking away, turning back around to
face the car. I brought my gun up and aimed it, firing off a few rounds in the direction of
the gas tank. It took a second before the smell of the gasoline registered with me and I
walked over to my car, tossing the gun onto the passenger seat again. I started scouring
through the car, opening the glove box and center console, muttering to myself. I located
the pack of Marlboros in the driver’s side door and pulled one out, grabbing the red lighter.
I lit one up and inhaled, feeling the burn as the smoke scorched my lungs. The nicotine
soothed my nerves as it filtered through my body.
I didn’t condone smoking as a general rule. I was a doctor, and I knew the damage I was
doing to my lungs and body. But it was a habit that had taken over me lately, one of my
many vices to help me cope, like the liquor and the women. I took a few more drags of the
cigarette before flicking it over toward the Ferrari. It landed in the small puddle of gas
accumulating, igniting immediately. I stood back and watched for a few minutes, leaning
up against my Mercedes, and lit up another Marlboro. The blood on my shaky hands tinted
the cigarette red but I ignored it, trying to focus.
After the car itself started burning I put my cigarette out, flicking the butt into the flames. I
climbed into my car and started it up, heading back toward the Swan’s residence. I had no
idea where else to go because I knew no one else in the area, and there was no way I could
go out into public anywhere in my condition. I was out of control, my mind still foggy and
thoughts jumbled, and I was covered in blood and shaken up.
The drive only took a few minutes and I pulled down the Swan’s driveway cautiously,
unsure if he had the guards out tonight and wanting to avoid a confrontation. They had a
marijuana field located nearby and often had armed men watching the tree line and
keeping an eye on their property for them when they went away somewhere. I stopped the
car in front of the house and climbed out, glancing around. The place looked deserted,
everything silent and no sign of any movement anywhere. I grabbed my pistol and started
toward the house, turning the knob and finding it unlocked. I stepped inside the house and
immediately saw the form starting there. I reacted upon instinct and pointed the gun,
preparing to shoot, and the scream rang out. It registered to me as female and I lowered
the gun before I had the chance to pull the trigger, noticing an older slave standing there.
She was staring at me wide-eyed, stunned and frightened as she took in my appearance.
“What’s your name?” I asked immediately, not really caring but feeling compelled to ask for
some reason.
“Clara,” she whimpered.
“If you want to live Clara, I recommend you go to your room and stay there,” I said coolly. I
started past her and she gaped at me briefly before turning and scurrying away. I headed
toward Charles’s office, trying the knob and finding it locked. I kicked the door open,
surprised at how simple it was to get inside. For a man with secrets, he surely didn’t do
much to protect things.
I scoured through the office quickly, tossing things around, trying to find something-
anything-of importance that would explain to me why he’d done it. Why the hell he’d go so
far as to kill my wife over that little slave girl. What the hell made her so important for
them to fucking kill over her? None of it made sense to me.
The more I rummaged, the angrier I got when I found nothing. My rage was growing, the
disgust and resentment boiling up. How dare them, all of them. My wife was dead and here
these people were, breathing and going about their lives. None of them deserved to live, not
if she couldn’t live. They’d fucking gotten her killed, and it wasn’t just Charles and his wife’s
fault. It was all of them; every single one of them had fucked my wife up somehow.
I gave up on finding answers after a while, realizing searching was fruitless. It didn’t
fucking matter why anyway, all that mattered was that it had happened. They’d done it, and
because of that they were dead. But it still didn’t feel like enough. I still wanted someone to
fucking pay, still needed them to pay.
I washed up and took some of Charles Sr.’s clothes, changing into them to make myself
look presentable. I stepped out onto the porch eventually and paused, glancing around. My
exhaustion was taking a hold of me again, my thoughts frantic and my body screaming for
me to just give in and give up. I felt like I was in a haze, my head pounding and my eyes
burning. I don’t know how long I just stood there, my mind drifting to thoughts of my wife
and visits to this dreadful house. I remembered all the times she’d fucking begged me to
come here, begged to see that little girl. And it was making me even angrier, because it was
unfair. None of it was right. She was dead and that little girl was alive and well, probably
sound fucking asleep. She was breathing and dreaming, and tomorrow she’d wake up to
another day. Another opportunity to live. That was something my wife would never have
again. Something that little bitch had taken from my wife by even existing.
My resentment and grief overpowered me again, and before I even realized what I was
doing, I was climbing the stairs to the small loft above the barn where I knew she slept. I
stepped into the room quietly, pausing when I saw both her and her mother asleep on a
tattered old mattress on the other side of the room. It was hot and stifling in the room, the
stench uncomfortable coming from the barn below. I took a few steps over toward where
they slept, accidentally kicking a book when I stopped right beside the mattress. I glanced
down at it, faintly making out the title as being something of Albert Schweitzer’s, and
immediately wondered if her masters knew she had that. I doubted it, because there was no
way they’d give a slave a book to read. She shouldn’t know how to read anyway, they didn’t
educate their slaves, but then again what did I fucking know? They never killed over their
slaves before either.
I sighed and turned my head, gazing down at her. She was so small and frail, looked weak
and helpless, but I wasn’t fooled. She wasn’t weak at all. She was powerful, and she didn’t
even fucking know the power she held. She was dangerous, and she had no clue the danger
she posed. She was a wolf in sheep’s clothing… the big bad fucking wolf that had to be
stopped.
I hated her and felt that bloodlust in me rising back up, my desperation to blame people
and make them pay hitting me hard. I stared at her, disgusted by everything about her.
Why did she even have to fucking exist? She stirred in her sleep after a moment, rolling
over to face me, and mumbling. I tensed up as the words “I’m sorry” escaped her lips, the
rage overwhelming me once more. She wasn’t fucking sorry. She didn’t give a shit about
what she’d done to me, what she’d taken from my family. She didn’t even know!
I raised the gun up and pointed it at her, aiming for her head, not hesitating at all. I pulled
the trigger without giving it a second thought, my brow furrowing and confusion hitting me
when nothing happened. No loud bang, no piercing screams, no blood. I just stared at it for
a second, stunned because the gun had never failed me in the past, before it truly dawned
on me what the hell I’d just done. I’d just pointed the gun at her with every intention of
killing her, and if it weren’t for the fact that the gun had jammed she’d be fucking dead
right now. I would’ve killed her without even realizing what I was doing. I’d been so
consumed by rage I’d almost killed a child, the child my wife had died trying to keep alive!
She couldn’t help her situation; she had no control over what had happened to her or
anyone else. She knew nothing of the outside world and I wasn’t even sure she’d ever been
off the Swan’s property. I couldn’t be blaming her and killing her. I couldn’t kill a child!
I blinked a few times as shock hit me, coupled with extreme disgust and hatred. I was
despicable, no better than Charles Swan Sr. himself. I’d almost killed an innocent girl, and
she may only be a slave but she had a mother and my wife had fucking loved her! I gasped
as it all sunk in and brought my hand up to cover my mouth, nearly losing my hold on the
gun in the process. I took a few steps back away from her, needing to get the hell away. I
kicked the book again by accident and Isabella stirred in her sleep once more, mumbling
the word “Master”.
I felt the rage threatening to consume me at the sound of her voice, my body tensing up
again, and turned around before it overpowered me. I walked out of the room and ran
down the steps quickly, needing away from her before I lost it again and did something I
truly regretted. I could never live with myself if I killed her, no matter what part of me may
have been feeling in the moment. I’d promised Elizabeth years ago that I’d never harm a
woman or a child, and I’d just fucking killed a woman out along the highway. That was bad
enough. Killing a child, especially a child she loved and fought for, would be like slapping
her memory in the face.
I walked out of the barn and took a deep breath, tasting the fresh air. The emotion swirling
through me was intense and I staggered over to the house, sitting down on the porch steps.
I slumped forward, the gun falling from my hand and hitting the step with a bang. I put my
head in my hands, gripping onto my hair tightly, trying to get a hold of myself. But my
exhaustion and anger and devastation, my disgust and agony and guilt were simply all too
much for one man to take.
Sitting there, on those steps in the hot June night in Phoenix, my hands trembling and my
skin soaked with sweat, I finally hit bottom. I sat there shaking, alternating between crying
hysterically and puking, my body trying to expel whatever sickness consumed me, whether
it was mental or physical. I don’t know how long it went on or how long I would’ve sat there
under that spell, but I was eventually brought out of it by the flashing of headlights coming
in my direction. I glanced up in their direction, wiping my eyes and clearing my throat,
trying to get a hold of myself. I reached down and grabbed my gun, going on autopilot
again. The haze over my mind seemed to clear some and I was coherent enough to check
the gun and dislodge it so it would fire if the need arose.
I stood up quickly and took a few steps back, opening the front screen door quickly and
slipping inside. I moved to the side and peeked out as the car pulled up. I felt like an idiot
immediately, knowing I’d parked the car registered in my own name right in front, clearly
visible. In fact, I’d made so many mistakes the entire night I’d be lucky to walk away from
this period. It was pure luck that no one had driven by out on the highway and seen me
murdering and scorching the car, and divine intervention that my gun had jammed and
kept me from killing Isabella.
The car stopped behind mine, shutting off immediately. The driver’s side door opened and
a man I recognized immediately as Charles Swan Sr’s son stepped out. He shut the door
and started toward me without even seeming to notice my car, talking to himself
frantically. He walked up onto the porch and swung the front door open, freezing as he
stepped inside and his eyes fell upon me. I pointed the gun at him and he stared at me, the
fear and confusion flashing in his eyes.
“Mr. Cullen?” he said hesitantly, bringing his hands up to show them to me. “What, uh…
What’s going on? Why, uh… my parents, they, uh… down the road, I don’t know what
happened, their car was torched…”
I stared at him for a moment. “I know,” I said simply, keeping my hand steady.
“You… know?” he asked with confusion. I nodded. “Did they… were you sent here to help
them? Was someone after them, is there a problem?”
I nodded. “Yes, there is a problem. But no, nobody sent me. I came here on my own.”
He stared at me with his brow furrowed, his hands shaking in the air as he tried to piece
together what I was saying. “Are they okay?” he asked. I shook my head.
“I hate to be the one to tell you this, Charlie, but I’m afraid your parents are no longer with
us,” I said coldly. His eyes widened and I saw the fear spiking as he realized they were
dead, the rest of what I’d said falling into place.
“Y-Y-You…” he stammered.
“Yes. Me. And if you’d like to walk out of here alive, it’s your best bet to listen and listen
well…”
I checked him for weapons, making sure he was unarmed and couldn’t hurt me in any way,
and led him into the living room. I grilled him for awhile, doing what it was I did best. I
used everything I had to strike fear in him, to let him know I meant business, and it was
clear to me he held no knowledge about his father’s hit on my wife. When I was done and
had said everything I needed to say, I gave him a pass. I told him he could live but only on
my terms. I told him he owed me, and when the time came I expected repayment of that
favor.
Around dawn I stepped out onto the front porch of the house, watching as the sun started
to rise. I caught glimpse of movement off to the side and glanced over, watching as Isabella
stepped out of the barn and set off toward a large garden. I glanced down at the watch on
my arm and saw it was 5:30 am on the dot.
Charlie Swan stepped out onto the porch and stopped beside me, eyeing me hesitantly. I
could still see the fear in him, as he knew very well what I was capable of. He glanced over
at Isabella as she stopped in the garden and got down on her knees, going to work right
away.
“What is it about that girl,” I asked, more to myself than anything. I heard Charlie sigh and
glanced over at him, cocking an eyebrow.
“Some people do crazy things over those that are related to them by blood, regardless of if
they really care about them,” he said, shrugging. I stared at him for a moment, what he said
sinking in.
“She’s your daughter,” I said, turning my head to glance at Isabella. I don’t know why the
thought had never struck me before. She had to come from somewhere and I just naturally
always assumed one of the guards or men Charles brought around had taken advantage of
her mother, but it made sense that one of them would’ve done it. Charles Sr. had goomahs
and wasn’t the type to bed the help, but his son was another story.
He grunted in response, not giving me a yes or no but one was unnecessary. I didn’t need
confirmation. I stared out at her as she worked alone in the garden, completely oblivious to
everything else but what was right in front of her. My guilt was creeping in ten-fold, my
anger and resentment still there but being overridden for the moment. It disgusted me that
the poor child had been born into this life and had no way out, the only person ever to try
to save her dead because of it and she had no idea anyone even ever gave a shit for her. Her
own family put her in this position, made her what she is.
“Are you taking her?” Charles asked hesitantly after a moment. I glanced over at him and
saw his apprehension. He was uncomfortable and on edge around me, frightened but
trying to come off strong because he knew his life depended on him holding his own right
now. I looked back out at Isabella, considering the question. I watched as her mother
walked out from the barn and over to where Isabella was, smiling at her daughter and
reaching down, smoothing the hair on her head affectionately.
“No,” I said finally. Part of me screamed out in objection, knowing I had the opportunity to
free her as my wife had wanted her freed, but a bigger part of me recognized I was in no
position to truly save her at that point. It was much too late to take her and pass her off as
my child as my wife had wanted to do when she was three. She was twelve now, uneducated
for the most part and had no life experience. She’d be better off with her mother for now,
where she’d be relatively safe and someone loved her. Because I couldn’t love the child, not
now, not after everything. And most of all… she wasn’t safe with me. I’d just tried to kill her
hours before and I was coherent enough to realize it could easily happen again. I barely had
the patience for my own children so I knew there was no way I’d be able to find the
patience and understanding I knew it would take to help her.
“Okay,” he said, sounding surprised. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. It was all
over the place from me fisting it out of frustration during my breakdown last night.
“You keep her alive and when the time comes where you no longer can keep her here, call
me. Maybe my answer will be different then.” He nodded in response. “And you might want
to keep them locked up today. The police will probably be by soon. And remember… you
never saw me.”
“Yes, sir,” he said, his voice trembling with fear. I nodded and glanced at him, giving him a
look that clearly said I meant business, before heading off of the porch to my car. I climbed
in the driver’s side and sat the gun down on the seat beside me, taking a deep breath. I put
the key in the ignition but before I had the chance to start the car up my cell phone started
chiming from the floorboard. I sighed, closing my eyes briefly, before reaching down and
picking it up. I glanced at the screen, reality setting in. I couldn’t avoid it any longer. I
pressed the button and brought the phone up to my ear.
“Cullen speaking,” I said calmly.
“My office. Now,” Aro said sharply.
“Yes, sir,” I said. “I’ll be there in twenty-six hours.”
~*~ ~*~
I still don’t know how I survived the trip, all of it a complete blur. It was a miracle I didn’t
fall asleep behind the wheel and crash, but an even bigger miracle that once I arrived in
Chicago I wasn’t killed. Aro wasn’t pleased that I’d disobeyed a direct order and killed the
Swans and I knew what the rules of our organization dictated happen to me. I’d gone rouge
and the punishment for that was immediate death. But Aro gave me a pass, he allowed me
to walk from the sit-down alive, because a part of him understood. He pulled some strings
in Phoenix and had the situation dealt with, nothing ever coming back to me. It didn’t
escape my notice that he never once attempted to call the Swans and warn them, so part of
me always wondered if that was his intention. I wondered if he’d set it up that way,
knowing I’d go off like I did, because in doing so he gained even more power over me and
my life. I couldn’t step a foot out of line or be disagreeable in any way, and I knew that
because he held what I’d done over my head every moment he got. I’d been given a big pass
once; there would be no more passes for me.
“Is that the last time you killed?” Alec asked. I shook my head no.
“I killed a man here in Forks not long after that and that woman James planted in my
house,” I said. He eyed me curiously.
“I’m not even going to ask about the man. I nearly forgot about that woman, though,” he
said. “James is definitely up to something.”
I nodded. “I know,” I said.
“And you’re likely going to have to kill again, Carlisle,” he said. I nodded once more.
“I know that also,” I said.
“Just as long as you know we shouldn’t have a problem,” he said, shaking his head. “Is
there anything else you feel the need to tell me? I’d like to join my wife upstairs.”
I shook my head. “That’s it,” I said. He sighed and stood up.
“Good, because to be honest with you, I’m not sure I could handle much more right now,”
he said, starting to walk out. I stood up and walked out into the hallway as he headed for
the foyer.
“Alec?” I called. He paused and turned to look at me. “Thank you.”
He stared at me for a moment before shaking his head. “Don’t thank me yet, Carlisle. I
haven’t done anything.”
I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him I was just grateful for his willingness to try to help
me, but before I could utter a single word the front door opened and the voices of the kids
carried into the house. They quieted down almost instantly as they spotted Alec and he just
gazed at them.
“Hey, Unc,” Emmett said, walking into the house and grinning. He reached over and patted
Alec on the back lightly; a move that always required a lot of guts. That’s one thing about
Emmett… he was quite the brave one. Most people scurried from Alec but Emmett was one
of the few who dared touch him. “You remember my girl Rosie, don’t ya?”
“Emmett,” Alec said, nodding in greeting. “Rosalie.” Rose said a quick hello, toning down
her usual sassiness.
“Uncle Alec, it’s nice to see you,” Jasper said politely. He was always the one with the
manners. “I’m guessing you remember Alice also.”
“Jasper, Alice,” Alec said once more nodding in greeting. Alice smiled brightly.
“I’m so glad you could come to see Jasper graduate,” she said cheerfully. There was very
little that could kill Alice’s chipper disposition. Alec merely nodded in agreement to her
statement, shifting his eyes over to Edward. He was standing in the doorway with Isabella
in front of him, holding her close to him with his arm wrapped around her protectively. He
had a serious expression on his face as he eyed Alec and I glanced at Isabella, seeing she
was staring down at the floor. She looked frightened and even from where I was standing I
could feel her apprehension. She knew who he was; she’d seen him numerous times in her
life. She knew he was related to the woman that had tortured her, she knew he had stood
back and watched as she endured it, never once stepping in to stop it or speaking up for
her. And I couldn’t begin to imagine what that made her think of him, and part of that
made me feel guilty because in reality Alec had done a lot for her. Alec had made sure that
Charles followed through with what I’d told him that day in Phoenix five years ago. I hadn’t
been allowed back there much over the years, but Alec went regularly and continued to
ensure that Charles kept the girl alive. That was more than I ever expected of him, and I felt
guilty that now I was asking even more of him.
“Alec,” Edward said simply.
“Edward,” Alec said, giving him the same greeting as the others. Edward gazed at him for a
moment before glanced down at Isabella. He pulled her even closer to him and leaned
down, whispering something in her ear. My brow furrowed and I watched him curiously,
wondering what he was saying to her. She nodded briefly after a moment and he said
something else. She nodded again, still staring at the ground, bringing her hands up to grip
his arm wrapped around him. He reached his other hand up, cupping her chin and pushing
it upward. She didn’t resist and glanced up after a moment, her eyes meeting Alec.
“This is my girlfriend, Isabella,” Edward said. Alec nodded.
“Of course, Isabella,” he said. Isabella stared at him for a moment, maintaining eye contact
and the air in the room grew thick as nobody spoke. We were all waiting on her reaction,
waiting to see what she’d say or do. I half expected her to run away and freak out as she did
with Esme months ago because Alec was a much bigger threat than my sister ever was.
I almost gave up hope on her reacting at all, but she did finally, and when she did, it
surprised everyone in the room.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alec,” she said, her voice shaking. She held her hand out to
him and my eyes widened in shock. It was shaking, every one of us could see it and tell she
was frightened, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was she doing it anyway. She wasn’t
allowing her fear to consume her.
Alec hesitated but reached his hand out and took Isabella’s, shaking it lightly.
“As it is you,” Alec said. “If you kids will excuse me, I’m going to get settled in.” He let go of
Isabella’s hand and turned, heading for the stairs. He turned briefly and caught my eyes,
nodding at me before disappearing upstairs.
I glanced over at the kids in the doorway, watching as Edward smirked proudly. He leaned
down and whispered something to her again and she blushed deeply, smiling softly in
response to whatever he’d said. He chuckled and leaned down even further, placing his lips
on her neck. She leaned her head out of the way and her eyes closed in response to his kiss.
And I smiled. For the first time, watching the two of them together, I smiled.
Because she’d stared into those piercing dark eyes, eyes that had watched her be tortured,
eyes that she knew belonged to a murderer, and she didn’t buckle. She stood her ground
and stood up for herself, not allowing anyone to hold her down. And that, more than
anything, made me believe that things truly may be okay and that there may be hope for
them after all.
Because that was something even my wife hadn’t been able to do.
*****
Principessa della mafia = princess of the mafia

Perché non lo vedo prima d'ora? = Why didn’t I see it before now?
Ha perfettamente senso. = It makes perfect sense.
L'amore domina senza regole. = Love dominates without rules.
Chi vuole mantenere un segreto deve nascondere il fatto che egli possiede uno, = Whoever
wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he possesses one.
Chapter 55 Crack in the Concrete
"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the
concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic." -- George Carlin
I spotted him the moment I stepped in the front door of the house. He paused right where
he was and his eyes scanned over us quickly, assessing us like he always did. Always on his
fucking feet, always in tune with his surroundings. Isabella spotted him and tensed up
immediately, her entire body going rigid and her head going down, her eyes focusing on the
wooden floor below. I reached for her instinctively, wrapping my arm around her tightly
and pulling her back into me.
I wanted to tell her right away to stop fucking overreacting, to relax because it was just my
uncle Alec, but I kept my mouth shut. I’d been saying it constantly for over a week,
practically drilling it into her that he’d be here because I wanted to prepare her. I made
sure she knew she had nothing to worry about and told her he was completely harmless.
She didn’t look like she fucking believed me, but I didn’t blame her because I sure as fuck
didn’t even believe him to be ‘completely harmless’, but I was sure of the fact that she had
nothing to worry about. He’d never lay a finger on her or mistreat her in any way. Not only
was he family to us and entirely too respectful for that shit, but I’d never allow it. No one
would ever fucking hurt my girl again, not as long as I had anything to do with it.
I should’ve known trying to prepare her in advance was useless, because the same shit
happened when Esme visited for the first time all those months ago. She said she was okay,
she said she was ready, but saying it and facing it were two entirely different things. She
nearly fucking buckled then, regressing into slave mode, and it was clear she was about to
do it again.
Everyone started greeting Alec and I just stood there, holding on to Isabella, unsure of
what to fucking do to relieve her stress. I considered just grabbing a hold of her and
walking away, taking her upstairs and making sure she was okay, but I knew that was
ridiculous and wouldn’t solve anything. She couldn’t fucking avoid him forever and I
couldn’t just hide her and shield her from everything constantly, despite the fact that it was
exactly what I fucking wanted to do. I didn’t want anything even remotely bothersome
anywhere near her, wanted to keep the bad as far away from her as I could, but it was
illogical and impossible. I couldn’t give her all fucking sunshine; she’d have to navigate
storms sometimes. I was trying to help her find independence in life, come into her own
and find strength, and grabbing her and fucking running from something as trivial as
facing my Uncle Alec wouldn’t be helpful at all. That which doesn’t kill us makes us
stronger, right?
After Alec greeted the rest of them, his eyes fell on me. I stared at him for a moment,
silently pleading for this shit to go okay, hoping it didn’t blow up on us. I was trying to be
strong and not go ‘caveman’ on her by throwing her over my shoulder and fucking running,
and her freaking out more than she already was would definitely break my resolve.
“Alec,” I said simply, nodding at him. He returned the greeting.
“Edward,” he said. I stared at him briefly before glancing down at Isabella. She was still
looking intently down at the fucking floor, so fixated on it that it was like she was
memorizing the lines and patterns in that shit. I could feel her body trembling against me
and her breathing was shaky, every exhale coming out as a shudder. I pulled her back to me
even closer, holding onto her tightly. I wasn’t sure what to fucking say or do to make any of
this easier on her, but I could feel every eye in the room on us so I knew I had to do
something. I sighed and leaned down close to her, frantically searching my mind for the
right words.
What do you fucking say to the girl you love when she’s terrified of being hurt by your own
family? What kind of words could kill the fear built up over being tortured and having the
man in front of us know about it, fucking watch it happen, and not do a goddamn thing to
help stop it? Were there even any words that could take that shit away? I didn’t think so,
but I couldn’t just stand there and say nothing. Part of me, the impatient part that was
screaming that this was fucking ridiculous because she should just goddamn trust me,
wanted to tell her to just get the fuck over it, but the bigger part of me understood. I
remembered clearly when Alec’s presence used to freak me out as a kid and my father used
to basically just tell me to grow the hell up and deal with it, how much that shit hurt, like
my feelings and fear didn’t fucking matter. I couldn’t do that to her, because she had more
reason to fear Alec than I ever did and I needed her to know her feelings mattered to me.
I realized after a moment that I’d never find the right words to say, so I simply said the first
thing that came to my mind. Something fucking stupid, typical me, opening my mouth and
spewing nonsense, but I hoped maybe she’d be able to understand.
“You know how you had me watch all those fucking wizard movies with you, tesoro? The
Harry Potters? You remember how he kept standing up to that bad guy Voldemort and that
motherfucker kept trying to hurt him but he couldn’t because he was protected by love or
whatever?” I asked, whipping that shit out from the top of my head. I probably had the
details mixed up but whatever, it was the bigger picture that counted.
She nodded hesitantly, probably wondering what the fuck I was talking about a goddamn
movie for right now. “Yeah, well, you’re Harry Potter and we’re going to pretend that fucker
over there is Voldemort. You can’t be touched baby, not as long as you believe in me.
Because I love you and I’m not going to let anything happen to you. My love’s the best
fucking protection you got and you’ll always have that. You can’t let them fucking break
you, you gotta hold your head up and face it. You understand me? You get what I’m telling
you?”
She nodded again, bringing her hands up to grip my arm that was around her. I took my
other hand and cupped her chin, pushing her head up. I wasn’t going to force her and was
glad she didn’t try to fight me on it, but I didn’t like her looking so defeated. She had more
strength than any of us, and she couldn’t let irrational fear hold her back like that.
“This is my girlfriend Isabella,” I said. Alec knew of her, in fact he probably knew the entire
fucking story of my mother dying for her, but that wasn’t who Isabella was. Isabella was
more than that.
“Of course. Isabella,” he said, gazing at her. She stared back at him but didn’t speak and an
awkward silence came over the room. I considered saying something after a moment, just
anything to break the tension that was mounting from their stare-down. I was hoping she’d
make the first move and speak because I knew Alec wouldn’t. Based on what Esme had said
when she visited around Christmas, the whole reason Alec had stayed away then was to
avoid this situation. He didn’t want to make shit awkward or make her feel uncomfortable.
But thankfully I didn’t have to come up with something to break the tension, because she
finally came around.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alec,” she said, her voice strained and shaky. She held her
hand out to him and I stared at it, slightly fucking stunned. I expected her to find the
strength to acknowledge him, but I sure didn’t expect her to suck it up and shake his hand.
It took a lot of courage to shake the hand of the man who allowed his sister to torture you
without even batting an eyelash at it. The hand of a man who you knew killed people. And
she was obviously still fucking scared, but she was doing it because she was strong. She was
finally starting to believe in herself and it was clear that she fucking believed in me. She
trusted me.
She was extending her hand to the man she knew had never even considered extending his
to her… and I couldn’t have fucking been more proud of her.
He glanced at her hand, looking just as surprised as the rest of us. He hesitated for a
moment and I immediately thought that if he didn’t fucking take her hand and shake it
after all of that I was going to hurt that motherfucker, but he didn’t disappoint me. He
reached his hand out and took hers, shaking it lightly.
“As it is you,” Alec said. “If you kids will excuse me, I’m going to get settled in.” He let go of
Isabella’s hand and turned, heading upstairs and out of sight. I smirked and pulled Isabella
back into me tightly as she put her hand back on my arm, holding onto me.
“Fuck yeah, that’s my girl! Christ, could you be any fucking sexier?” I mumbled. I saw her
cheeks start to flush as she blushed. “I’ve never been prouder of you, tesoro.” She smiled,
her body relaxing some and I chuckled, leaning down and pressing my lips against the
flushed skin on her neck. She sighed softly and moved her head out of the way, loosening
her grip on me and gently starting to rub my forearm.
I kissed on her neck for a moment as everyone started talking, Alice and Rosalie saying
they were heading out. I pulled my lips from Isabella and glanced up, catching my fathers’
eyes immediately. He was staring at us curiously, a smile on his face. We made eye contact
and I stared at him, slightly confused by his expression. He turned after a moment and
walked over to the door under the stairs, unlocking it and slipping inside.
We said goodbye to Alice and Rosalie and my brothers walked them out, leaving Isabella
and I alone in the foyer. She sighed and pulled out of my arms, turning to look at me. There
was curiosity in her eyes, a small smile on her lips and the blush still evident in her cheeks.
She wasn’t trembling anymore, her hand steady as she raised it and brushed her fingertips
along my jaw line. She reached up on her tiptoes and I smirked, leaning down and pressing
my lips to hers gently.
“Your girlfriend?” she asked softly, pulling her mouth from mine. I nodded, gazing at her.
“That’s what you are,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to me. I was
confused as to why she sounded surprised about that. I called her my girlfriend all the
fucking time. “Was that a problem? I mean, do you not like me telling people that shit?”
She put her arms around my torso, hugging me tightly with her head nestled against me.
“Oh no, I love hearing it, but it’s just… he knows,” she said quietly. “He knew who I was. I
mean, it’s not like he doesn’t know what I am or anything.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “What you are, Isabella, is my girlfriend. He knows what you
were but that’s not you,” I said.
“But…” she started, but I pulled back from her and cupped her chin, pulling her head up to
look at me and cutting her off.
“No buts. Quit thinking that shit about yourself. You’re better than that, more than that,” I
said, shaking my head. I hated it when she put herself down and although I understood
why she would, I wished she’d be able to get past seeing herself as a fucking slave.
“But I am that,” she said. I groaned.
“Didn’t I just say no buts?” I asked. “They’re just technicalities, Bella. Titles other people
give us, they don’t make us who we are. If you’re just a slave, than I’m nothing more than a
principe della mafia. Is that all I am, Isabella? A mafia prince?”
She shook her head no quickly, her eyes widening slightly. “No, of course not!” she said.
“Alright then,” I said, my tone serious. “That’s what I thought. Just because some people
see us as just that doesn’t mean it’s what we are. We’ll overcome our labels together. They
don’t matter; they don’t make us who we are. We make us who we are. Fuck them
motherfuckers.”
She cracked a smile at my last statement and I chuckled as a light laugh escaped her lips.
She reached up and pressed her lips to mine softly, pulling back away and running her
pointer finger across my bottom lip.
“I love you, Edward,” she said, her voice sweet and soft.
“I love you too, my Bella,” I said. “Sempre.”
“Sempre,” she repeated, smiling. “When did you get so smart?”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Shit, girl, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve always
fucking been smart. I’m a goddamn genius, like Einstein and Mozart.”
Emmett pushed open the front door behind us as I finished my statement and started
laughing. “And Lil’ Kim, fucker. Remember? Pure genius,” he said, smacking me hard on
the back. I cringed and pulled away from him, reaching behind me to rub my back where
he’d hit me.
“Christ, Emmett. Quit fucking hitting me,” I spat. Isabella laughed and reached her hand
over, running it up my back under my shirt. She started rubbing my back gently, her
fingertips sending tingles down my spine.
“Quit being such a baby, bro,” Emmett said. “You’re off to football camp in a few weeks,
you need to toughen back up before Mike Newton kicks your ass.”
“Fuck you,” I said, shaking my head. “He’ll never kick my ass.”
Emmett shrugged. “Never say never,” he said, heading for the stairs. Jasper walked in and
sighed, shutting the front door.
“Everything okay?” he asked, glancing between Isabella and me. We both nodded and he
smiled. “Good.” He turned and started up the stairs behind Emmett, disappearing from
sight. I asked Isabella if she wanted to go upstairs to our room and she agreed. We headed
up and she kicked her shoes off the moment we stepped inside, pushing them off to the
side. She walked over and lay down across the bed on her stomach, crossing her legs at the
ankles and swinging them. I kicked my shoes off and watched her for a moment, happy
about how comfortable and relaxed she seemed to be in our room these days.
Yeah, I said it. Our room. It wasn’t my fucking room anymore and I wouldn’t have it any
other way. Most of her shit had randomly found it’s way over here over the weeks, her
clothes filling half of my closet and dresser because it was easier just to have her shit right
here with mine. I didn’t see the point in segregating our belongings when the cat was out of
the bag and everyone knew we shared a room anyway.
I kicked my shoes off and grabbed the remote, plopping down on the bed beside her. I
turned the TV on and started flipping through channels, finally settling on some
documentary on mountain lions on animal planet.
We hung out and relaxed, just watching TV and joking around for a while. Every now and
then sounds would ring out from outside the room, doors closing or footsteps or laughter
across the hall and Isabella would tense up, the reality of the situation creeping back in
again.
Isabella got up eventually, declaring she needed to go downstairs and start dinner so it was
ready by its usual time. I told her not to bother, that my father wouldn’t say anything and
would understand, but she insisted. We headed out of the room and Isabella froze in the
hallway when she spotted the form coming up the stairs. I glanced over and smirked when
I saw it was Esme.
“Well, fuck. If it isn’t my favorite aunt,” I said playfully. She glanced at us and smiled.
“I’m your only aunt, Edward,” she said, shaking her head. I shrugged and she walked over
to us, pulling me into a hug. “You’re looking awfully handsome these days, kiddo.”
I smirked. “Shit, you know I always look good, Esme,” I said. She laughed and pulled away
from me, smacking me playfully.
“Still as arrogant as ever,” she said, turning away from me. “Hello, Isabella.”
Isabella smiled softly. “It’s nice to see you again, Esme,” she said, her voice and smile
genuine.
“You too, dear. And may I say, you are looking quite beautiful also. Such a gorgeous couple
the two of you kids make,” Esme said happily, glancing back at me. I smirked and looked
over at Isabella, seeing the blush rise up in her cheeks.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“We do look good together, don’t we?” I said playfully. Esme laughed, smacking me again.
“Such a big ego,” she said. I shrugged, laughing.
“That’s not the only thing big about me, isn’t that right, Bella?” I said jokingly. Isabella
gasped and Esme groaned as I started laughing.
“I’m, uh…. I’m going downstairs,” Isabella said, turning and practically running away from
us. I felt a little bad about embarrassing her but she knew how I was and I thought it was
pretty fucking funny. Esme shook her head.
“Everything okay?” she asked. I nodded.
“Yep,” I said. She smiled, patting me on the back lightly.
“Good,” she said, walking toward the bedroom door. I turned and headed downstairs,
sitting down on the counter in the kitchen beside the stove to watch Isabella while she
cooked. I did it occasionally, as she could be pretty fucking intriguing when she started
focusing and concentrating on a task. She’d zone out and her brow would crease, her
bottom lip going into her mouth as she gnawed on it, deep in thought. She’d mumble to
herself occasionally and it was almost like I wasn’t even there half of the time, unless I was
in her way or doing something to intentionally get her attention. She’d get frustrated when
I did things to distract her but I thought it was cute when she’d grumble and narrow her
eyes at me, gathering up all the fierceness she could. She could be feisty when she wanted
to be.
She made me a cherry coke and I drank it, slipping some Grey Goose Vodka into it from the
bottle in the freezer. She went to work throwing together Chicken Cacciatore over pasta
with homemade bread and a Caprese Salad on the side.
My father came down while she was cooking and paused in the doorway to the kitchen,
watching us curiously. “Everything okay?” he asked, glancing between Isabella and me.
“Yes, Dr. Cullen. Everything is great. Thank you for asking, sir,” Isabella said immediately,
the words rolling from her lips instinctively. I doubted she even fucking registered what she
was saying with how quick her reaction was.
“Good,” my father said, still glancing between us. “I’ll, uh… I’ll be in the office on this floor
if you need me.”
I nodded and Isabella rattled off ‘okay, sir’ in response. My father hesitated but turned
around and walked away after a moment.
“You know, ‘yes’ would’ve worked,” I said, glancing over at where she was standing. She
looked at me briefly with confusion.
“I did say ‘yes’,” she said. I sighed, shaking my head.
“You said a whole bunch of other shit too, did you notice that?” I asked. “Dr. Cullen? Sir?
Thank you for asking?”
“It’s polite,” she said, shrugging. I rolled my eyes, not liking when she talked on autopilot
like that. I wanted her to fucking mean every word she spoke, and not just say things she
thought she was supposed to say.
“It’s ridiculous,” I said. Her brow furrowed as she turned to look at me.
“No, it’s not,” she said. “It’s never ridiculous to be polite.”
I laughed dryly. “It’s unnecessary, Bella.” She narrowed her eyes slightly at me, annoyance
flashing across her face.
“It’s not unnecessary. It’s a sign of respect, and your father has clearly told me that
respecting him is necessary, Edward,” she said pointedly. I sighed, running my hand
through my hair in frustration.
“You can still respect him and not be so fucking formal all the time, Bella. I mean, it’s not
disrespectful to call him Carlisle, you know. He told everyone else to call him by his name.
Why can’t you?” I asked. She shrugged.
“He’s told me to call him by his name but it just doesn’t feel right. I mean, I know what you
said earlier about labels and stuff, and I know I’m not just a, uh, slave, but I still feel that
way with him, Edward,” she said quietly. She paused, turning to glance at me. “I know you
probably think that’s silly since he’s your father, but I just… I can’t see him as anything but
a label. He’s just… Dr. Cullen. He’s not a person. He’s a master.”
I stared at her, slightly caught off guard by her response. “Okay,” I said after a moment,
unsure of how to fucking respond to that. “You know he doesn’t think of you like that,
right? Look, I know he’s done some fucked up things Bella and I’m not saying he should be
forgiven for any of them, but he’s not that horrible. His intentions are… well… I wouldn’t
fucking call them honorable but I guess I’m just trying to say he doesn’t mean to be such an
asshole toward you.”
I felt like I wasn’t making any fucking sense but she nodded and seemed to understand
what I meant. “I know, but it’s how I feel. Maybe when I finally overcome my label, he will
to me too,” she said quietly, shrugging. She turned back around and went back to work on
dinner.
“Maybe,” I said simply. I sat there for a while longer, watching her quietly. She got it all
mostly done and reached into the fridge, pulling out some dough she’d made in advance. I
watched her curiously for a moment, confused as to what the fuck she was making since
she already had bread done, and my eyes widened with shock when I saw her pulling out
the ricotta cheese and chocolate chips.
“Holy shit, don’t fucking tell me you’re making what I think you’re making,” I said. She
froze and glanced at me, her eyes flashing with panic.
“What?” she asked, her voice echoing the same panic.
“Cannoli?” I asked. She nodded hesitantly and I smirked.
“Christ, just when I thought it wasn’t possible to love you anymore than I already do, you
go and make fucking Cannoli from scratch. You, my Bella, are fucking heaven-sent,” I said,
tipping my drink back and downing the rest of it. She smiled and blushed as I got down
from the counter, walking over and kissing her lips briefly.
“I’m guessing that means you like Cannoli?” she asked curiously, going back to work on it. I
nodded.
“We’re Italian, Bella. We all love Cannoli,” I said.
She simply hummed in response and went back to focusing, her brow creasing and her lip
finding its way into her mouth as she concentrated. After she got it all put together she
started setting the table and I helped as much as I could, but like usual I was just in the
fucking way.
“I’ll get everyone for dinner,” I said. She smiled and nodded, and I walked over and
knocked on the door to the office under the stairs. The door swung open after a moment
and my father looked at me with surprise.
“Everything okay?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in question. My brow furrowed as I

stared at him.
“Why do you people keep fucking asking me that?” I asked, confused because it was the
second time he’d asked it and it was the same exact thing both Jasper and Esme had asked
earlier. His eyes widened slightly at my outburst.
“I was unaware ‘we people’ kept asking you that. I just asked because you knocked,” he
said. I sighed, shrugging.
“Yeah, well, I recall you telling me to never fucking step foot in the room again, so I
couldn’t just walk in, now could I?” I asked.
“I guess not. Did you need something?” he asked.
“Dinner’s done,” I said. “I told Isabella I’d get you.”
He smiled and thanked me, and I waved him off because it wasn’t like I’d actually fucking
done anything. I headed up to the third floor and knocked on the bedroom door. It opened
after a moment and Esme peeked out at me. I told her dinner was ready and she said they’d
be down in a moment. I headed back down to the second floor and banged loudly on
Emmett and Jasper’s doors. “Food, fuckers!” I yelled. Emmett’s door swung open
immediately and he nearly knocked me down rushing past me. Jasper stepped out and
laughed at me nearly being plowed over, and we headed downstairs.
Esme and Alec appeared after a few minutes and we all sat down to eat. The atmosphere
was slightly awkward at first but of course it didn’t stay that way for long with Emmett
present. Isabella stayed tense throughout the meal and didn’t appear very comfortable so I
reached my hand down after a while, putting it in her lap. I rubbed her thigh gently, trying
to be fucking soothing, and she cut her eyes at me and smiled. She brought her hand down
under the table and took mine, linking our fingers together.
Everyone else had the same reaction to the Cannoli as I did when it was brought out,
gushing over it and making her blush. She had us spoiled, there was no doubt about it.
Emmett grabbed some dessert and smirked. “Leave the gun, take the Cannoli,” he said in
the thickest fucking Italian accent he could make. We all started laughing and Isabella
glanced at us with confusion.
“It’s a line from The Godfather,” I said. “It’s a movie.”
She nodded hesitantly. “Oh, okay,” she said softly. Emmett glanced over at us, his eyes
wide.
“Oh shit, Izzy Bizzy’s never seen The Godfather saga?” he asked. She shook her head and he
sighed dramatically. “Well I’ll be damned, we’re going to have to rectify that. Me and you,
kitten. It’s a date.”
Isabella smiled. “Okay,” she said quietly.
After dinner everyone started disbursing, and Isabella headed into the kitchen to start
cleaning up. Esme followed her to help and I lingered in the doorway, trying to stay out of
the fucking way but not wanting to leave her down there alone. I was leaning up against the
doorframe, watching as she loaded the dishwasher and chatted with Esme, when a voice
cleared behind me in the foyer. I turned my head around and saw my father standing there,
about to head up the stairs.
“I need to see you in my office when you get a moment,” he said, gazing at me. I nodded
hesitantly, immediately curious as to what the fuck he’d want from me now. I scanned my
head quickly to make sure I hadn’t done anything lately that he clearly said ‘don’t fucking
do’ but I couldn’t come up with anything, so I doubted it was anything too bad.
“I’ll be up in a minute,” I said, turning my head back around to look at Isabella. She
must’ve heard my exchange with my father because she smiled and nodded.
“I’ll see you upstairs in a bit,” she said softly, her own way of telling me she was okay and I
could go. I walked out and headed up the stairs, gripping the doorknob and pushing the
office door open the second I reached it. I froze in the doorway, noticing Alec was standing
off to the side as still as a fucking statue and watching me peculiarly. I took a step in after a
moment, shutting the door behind me and sitting down in the chair across from my father’s
desk. I glanced between my father and my uncle briefly, wondering what the fuck this could
be about.
“Does he ever knock?” Alec asked after a moment, gazing at me but clearly speaking to my
father.
“He’s getting better at it,” my dad said simply. I groaned, shaking my head.
“Did you ask me up here for a lesson on my manners?” I asked.
“No, but they’re important to have,” Alec said pointedly. “Reminds me of my childhood,
how my mother used to ask us if we were raised in a barn when we forgot our place.”
“Yeah, well, your mothers a fucking bitch,” I mumbled, the words coming out before they
even registered with my mind. The moment they were verbalized I realized what the fuck
I’d said and my eyes widened with shock as I stared at Alec. He was the wrong person to
say some shit like that to, family or not. “Uh, shit. I mean, you know…. Fuck, some people
are raised in barns, and that’s just fucking not nice manners in itself, you know?”
He stared at me, his gaze so intense I started fucking sweating. I could see my father from
the corner of my eyes and noticed he had a smirk on his face, looking quite amused about
the situation. I wanted to tell him there was nothing fucking funny about this but I didn’t
dare open my mouth because it was clear I was capable today of saying things I probably
shouldn’t be saying.
“I believe that’s the point I was trying to make, Edward, before you rudely interrupted me
with the commentary on my mother,” Alec said finally, breaking the tense silence. “Correct
me if I’m wrong, but your girlfriend is one of those people who were raised in barns, and
she has a lot better manners than you. You were raised quite luxuriously, and you don’t
seem to appreciate and respect what people have done for you enough to even knock on
their door before entering their room.”
I stared at him for a moment, unsure of exactly what to say. “I do appreciate what people
do for me. But I, personally, never had to worry about someone kicking me in the fucking
face with a pair of high heels and breaking my nose when I forgot my place like Isabella
did. You learn to fake respect for people when they control and threaten your life, whether
you want to be polite or not. I’d venture to guess half the time when Isabella says ‘Yes, sir’
she’s really screaming inside ‘fuck you asshole’,” I said. He looked at me curiously.
“Do you intend to be initiated, Edward?” he asked. My brow furrowed and I saw my father
tense up from the corner of my eye.
“Excuse me?” I asked, hearing what he’d said but caught slightly off guard by the question.
“You heard my question, stalling is unnecessary. You clearly react impulsively and
genuinely, not sugar coating anything, so go ahead and answer the question honestly. Do
you intend to be initiated?” he asked.
“I, uh…” I started. “I don’t think…”
“That’s correct, you don’t think,” he cut me off with, his voice sharp. “And maybe it’s not
my place to say anything, but I feel it’s necessary for you to hear this because it’s obvious to
me you simply don’t grasp the reality of the situation. You’re in for a rude awakening if you
intend to join our life, because all that you just stated about learning to respect those you’d
rather tell to fuck off because of the hold they have on your life? That just doesn’t apply to
slaves. If you have any intention of taking the Omertà, it applies to you also. Because it
applies to all of us in this life, the entire way up to your father. If we forget our place, we
don’t get a foot to the face Edward… we get a bullet. So, if the answer to my question is yes,
I advise you take a few pointers from that girl who was raised in the barn and learn to at
least act respectfully toward those you may not truly respect.”
“No,” I said after a moment. His eyes narrowed slightly at my response and I realized it
sounded like I was trying to be difficult and reject his advice. I sighed, running my hand
through my hair. “The answer to your question is no.”
He nodded. “That’s good to know. Carlisle, I apologize for taking the conversation off topic.
We can discuss what he was asked here to discuss now.”
I glanced over at my father and saw him take a deep breath. “We need to talk about what
you saw that day in my safe downstairs,” he said. My eyes widened slightly in surprise.
“The, uh, DNA?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded. “You told me not to even think of that shit
anymore, much less talk about it.”
“I know what I told you, but things change. I felt it was best to shut you out completely in
hopes that if the worst case scenario came to light you could declare ignorance, but I
discussed it with Alec and he feels it’s better we just tell you, especially if you already have
an idea. It’s probably in everyone’s best interest that you know what you’re up against if
this is exposed and goes horribly wrong,” he said.
“Okay,” I responded hesitantly, unsure if I really wanted to fucking hear it spoken out loud.
I was quite sure I knew the truth, although none of the specifics, but I was sure of enough
to make me realize the severity of the situation.
My father started going into a story about underground mob wars springing up in the 70’s
all over the country, organizations fighting each other and breaking their codes of conduct
in their quest for vengeance. He talked about how out of control everyone got and how
entire families were slaughtered, family gatherings targeted with drive-bys and
assassinations. He talked about how my grandfather tried to get their organization under
control and did better than most, but people still went rogue and they were targeted for
things they had nothing to do with. My grandfather then ordered everyone to send their
families into safe houses across the country, which was apparently how the fucking house
we lived in came to be in our possession. Made sense to me, since this small ass town would
be the last place they’d look for Italian American Mafia royalty.
He said in the chaos entire families disappeared and contact was lost, some later
reappearing alive somewhere in the country but others not so lucky. He said after the
smoke cleared and everything calmed down again, some people remained unaccounted for
and simply presumed dead based upon deaths of those they would’ve been with. I stared at
him questioningly, wondering how it all tied into Isabella.
“Isabella’s mother is one of those people who were presumed dead,” he said finally.
“So she’s mafia royalty,” I said, not surprised in the least. He nodded.
“Yes,” he said. “She was just an infant at the time so she’d have no recollection of life before
the Swans got her. Whoever killed her parents sold her to Charles instead of killing her as
well.”
“And so Charles had my mother killed so no one found out he was a traitor, because mom
was getting too close to the truth for his comfort,” I said, feeling the anger surge. Yeah, I’d
had most of it figured out already, but hearing it spoken struck a nerve.
“Yes,” Alec chimed in with. “So you understand the seriousness of the situation we all find
ourselves in. In the eyes of the organization, although he means well, your father is doing
essentially the same thing with Isabella as Charles did with Renee. He’s knowingly holding
Mafiosi blood in his possession, refusing to admit it and turn her over to those more
entitled to her. I’m going to do everything I can to contain this situation so it doesn’t go
beyond us, I’m going to take care of everyone who we’re aware of knows the information,
but there’s still always a chance that it’ll be exposed eventually. When that happens, we’re
all going to be in danger, especially you and Isabella.”
“Why us especially?” I asked, confused because it seemed to me my father was in more

trouble than us.
“Because we’d simply be killed, Edward, but you and Isabella will become pawns. You’d be
used as weapons against each other and others, and you’d both be controlled like puppets,”
my father said. My brow furrowed.
“How the fuck could they use us against each other?” I asked, not liking the sound of that at
all.
“You know that answer you gave me a few minutes ago when I asked if you intended to be
initiated? I can assure you, those with the opportunity to do so will use her to get you to
change that answer,” Alec said. He went into how she’d be used as bait and how it all would
put a big fucking target on her back. He brought up James’s role and how he’d want to
claim her to secure his position, causing my temper to flare briefly but Alec put me in my
place quickly. They explained everything they could to me, but never once did either of
them speak his name. It was unnecessary though, because I fucking knew it was Aro. I
knew my Godfather, the boss of the organization, was the man she shared DNA with.
I was quiet for a moment after they finished, trying to let it all sink in. “One question,
something that doesn’t make sense to me,” I said finally. “Why the hell would Charles Swan
buy that baby if he knew who she was? Why would he buy someone related to one of one of
his own? Why the hell would he risk that if he could get killed over it?”
“We can’t know for certain but I recall hearing a story back when their son married my
sister about how Charles purchased that child with the intention of making her their
daughter and not their slave. He could forge documents, but there was no way he could get
past all the government agencies to legally adopt so they went underground for the child.
And as you know, bloodlines are important to our families. They may not provide power
per se, but for the older generations, especially, they were revered. If he was making her his
daughter, he’d arrogantly want someone close to him in blood, a bloodline he could respect
and consider almost his own. I think he simply took advantage of an unfortunate situation,
believing he’d be able to get away with it because of the chaos of the situation, and because
no one would ever suspect such treachery. Infants are relatively undistinguishable, and he
lived so far away from the heart of the organization she wouldn’t be seen by anyone who
may have been able to recognize her anyway,” Alec said.
“Plus, child slaves are very rare to us,” my father said. “No one purchases children for
labor, especially not infants. They simply don’t make good help because of their nature.
You can’t have a toddler washing dishes or cooking meals or working in fields so there’s no
point in having them. No one would’ve considered the infant had been sold and not killed
because of that fact. Child slaves end up one place, and they may have broken conduct and
murdered innocents back then, but some things were still off limits to us all.”
“That’s also the reason slaves aren’t allowed to have children. They get in the way and
hinder work. The only reason Renee was purchased was to become a daughter, and Isabella
was only allowed to exist because of her bloodlines,” Alec said. “In fact, Isabella’s the only
child slave I’ve ever personally seen, and it even stunned me to see her with my own eyes.
That’s how unheard of they are in our world.”
“So who the fuck killed her parents and sold her? I mean, someone thought to do it. Or did
Charles do it himself?” I asked. My father shrugged.
“We’re unsure, honestly. I don’t think Charles murdered them himself, because he wasn’t
one to get blood on his hands. I don’t know if he ever killed anyone, personally. But I have
no idea who he could’ve been in bed with, who would’ve know how to get to them and pull
it off,” he said.
“Okay,” I said simply. We were all quiet for a moment and Alec snickered, surprising both
my father and I.
“Earlier today I was surprised that she was a full blooded Italian principessa, but I take that
back now. She proved to me with her cooking that the Italian runs deep in her. It’s natural,”
he said. I smiled, nodding.
“Yeah, she’s pretty fucking amazing,” I said. “Anyway, is that all? Can I go?” They nodded
and I got up, mumbling a goodbye before walking out. I headed up to the 3rd floor and
pushed the bedroom door open, catching Isabella’s eyes at once. I walked inside and shut
the door behind me and she smiled softly.
“Everything okay?” she asked. I groaned, shaking my head.
“Christ, not you too baby,” I said, tired of hearing that fucking question. She looked at me
with confusion but I just waved her off, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into
a hug. “Can we just chill tonight, watch a movie or something?”
“Of course,” she said. She pulled away from me and lay down across the bed, and I walked
over and put a movie in. I can’t even tell you what the fuck it was, because the moment I
laid down beside Isabella and she started running her fingers through my hair, I drifted off.
The next morning started off awkward, the tension radiating from Isabella strong. She
made breakfast quietly and I sat off to the side, watching as usual. She’d have moments
where she was herself, laughing and being playful, but the moment Alec came anywhere
near her it all slipped away. She’d go rigid, always aware of where he was at all times. If it
weren’t so fucking sad I might’ve found it fascinating, because she moved around him like
there was some magnetic polarity or some shit. She always kept a certain amount of
distance between them, and if he’d take a step in her direction she’d automatically take a
step away. It was like she did it instinctively, without even fucking recognizing she was
doing it. I ventured to guess it was a defense mechanism she’d developed to keep herself
out of the line of fire, and it oddly reminded me a lot of my mother. It was the same shit my
mother used to do when Alec was around, always in tune with where he was and what he
was doing at all times, keeping her distance from him.
And yeah, the fact that she was reminding me of my mother didn’t help to brighten my
mood. It was making me nostalgic, the sorrow and the longing creeping in. I wished she
were fucking there, alive to see us and savor the day that her oldest two were graduating.
Christ, it wasn’t even my fucking graduation and I was feeling cheated, so I couldn’t even
begin to imagine how my brothers were feeling.
Alice and Rosalie showed up around one in the afternoon and the girls headed upstairs to
my room to do whatever the fuck girls did, and I watched a movie with my brothers and
Esme. My father and Alec had left some time earlier and I had no idea where they went, but
they said they’d be back in time for the graduation.
After the movie ended I headed upstairs, knocking loudly on my bedroom door because it
was locked. It was opened after a moment and I smiled at Alice, slipping in around her.
“Hey short stuff,” I said, nudging her with my elbow. “One more year and it’ll be our
fucking turn.” She smiled softly.
“I know it’ll be my turn. You, I’m not so sure about,” she said, her voice light but with a hint
of seriousness to it. I shook my head, running my hand through it.
“Oh I’ll be there with you, in my fucking bright blue gown looking like a finocchio,” I said.
She raised her eyebrows questioningly.
“Promise?” she asked. I smiled, nodding.
“I promise, shorty,” I said. “You look nice, by the way.”
She glanced down at herself, smiling brightly, her face practically fucking lighting up. She
had on a short pink dress and a pair of pink and tan heels. “Thank you,” she said, her voice
chipper. “I put your clothes on the bed for you.”
The bathroom door opened and I glanced over, freezing when my eyes hit Isabella. She was
wearing a black skirt and gray short sleeved top that seemed to accent her chest, making
her breasts stand prominent. My eyes were naturally drawn to them and I felt perverted
ogling her in front of people but Christ, I couldn’t seem to fucking help it. She was
gorgeous. My eyes wandered down her body, taking in her creamy bare legs, my mind
naturally going wicked places. Like how it would feel to have them wrapped around my
head as I went down on her, or how they’d look draped over my shoulder as I drilled into
that tight pussy of hers. How her thighs would tense up when her orgasm got close, and
then her legs would start quivering as I rode her through it. She had beautiful fucking legs,
so smooth and soft and feminine, but yet toned at the same time.
I heard Isabella clear her throat and I glanced up at her. She was smiling, her eyes
sparkling as she gazed at me. Yeah, she fucking knew me well; she knew exactly what was
going through my mind. I smirked, shrugging.
“I can’t help myself,” I said. She laughed, shaking her head.
“You’re such a fucking pervert, Cullen,” Rosalie said, walking out of the bathroom. She was
wearing a yellow and blue dress that was almost obscenely short from her jacking it up. I
shook my head.
“Whatever, sleaze. I just appreciate perfection when I see it,” I said. Isabella blushed as
Alice let out a loud ‘awwww’ behind me. I chuckled and Rosalie rolled her eyes.
“Donnaiolo,” Rosalie said, walking past me and intentionally shoving into me. I laughed
dryly, turning to look at her as she walked out.
“Bagascia,” I yelled. She stuck up her middle finger at me before disappearing out the door.
Alice smiled at us briefly before turning and scampering out the door after Rosalie. I turned
back to Isabella, smirking and letting my eyes roam down her body once more briefly.
“I guess I need to get ready,” I said. She nodded and I glanced over at the bed, seeing the
khakis and dress shirt Alice had lying there. It was pretty fucking ridiculous that she took it
upon herself to pick out my clothes on special occasions but I was used to it by now. That
was just Alice’s thing; she did it to all of us.
I went into the bathroom, taking a quick shower to freshen up, and walked back into the
bedroom with a towel wrapped around my waist. Isabella was lying across the bed on her
stomach with her skirt riding up so high I could almost see her panties. I smirked and
walked over, sitting down behind her. I ran my hand up the back of her thigh, pushing her
skirt up the rest of the way. She turned her head around quickly to look at me as I palmed
her ass.
“Wanna fool around, tesoro?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. Her eyes widened slightly at
my question.
“Now?” she asked. I nodded, slipping my hand between her thighs, my fingers sliding
under her panties. She gasped as I grazed them across her folds and down to her clit, sitting
up quickly. My hand slipped out from under her skirt and I frowned.
“Edward, we can’t do that now,” she said quietly.
“Why?” I asked. “We have a bit of time.” We had at least 20 minutes before someone came
looking for us and that was plenty of time to get her off a few times.
“But they’ll know,” she said nervously. “I mean, won’t they be able to tell?”
My brow furrowed and I stared at her, contemplating her question. I watched as she
started to redden and I smiled. “Yeah, it would be written all over your face,” I said,
reaching over and running the back of my hand along her warm cheek. “I’ll get dressed
then,” I said, standing up from the bed.
“Okay,” she said quietly, gazing at me. I undid the towel and dropped it to the floor,
walking over to the dresser to grab some boxers. I started pulling them on and turned
around to look at Isabella, seeing her blush deepen as she watched me. I started chucking,
shaking my head.
“As many times as you’ve seen me naked, you think you’d be used to it by now,” I said.
Every single time she still had the same bashful reaction.
“I’ll never get used to that,” she said, not taking her eyes off of me. “What was it you said? I
appreciate perfection when I see it?”
I started laughing. “Yeah.” I put on my clothes quickly, a pair of khakis and a navy blue
button up shirt. I slipped some socks on and glanced down, seeing the pair of black dress
shoes sitting there. I eyed them for a moment, dreading putting those motherfuckers on.
Isabella climbed off of the bed and I picked a shoe up, untying it and getting ready to slip it
on when a pair of my Nike’s dropped to the floor in front of me. I glanced up and met
Isabella’s eyes, seeing the sweet smile on her lips. She didn’t say a word, simply took the
dress shoes from me and walked over, tossing them back in the closet. I chuckled and
shook my head, putting the Nike’s on. Yeah, my girl knew me so fucking well.
I finished getting ready, running my fingers through my hair to get it at least halfway
symmetrical and putting on cologne. I filled up a large flask with L'Orange Grey Goose
vodka and grabbed all of my things before taking Isabella’s hand, linking our fingers
together as we headed downstairs. I led her into the living room where everyone else had
already gathered, and we set off a moment later for the school. We all took separate cars
because we’d be going separate ways afterwards, the grown ups back home I guess and us
kids to celebrate.
I pulled the Volvo into the parking lot of the school, finding my usual spot still empty. I
parked and got out, walking over and helping Isabella out of the passenger seat. She
seemed nervous so I put my arm around her, pulling her to me. “Relax, amore. We’re just
here to help my brothers bid high school farewell, and then we’ll go do whatever you wanna
do, okay?” She smiled and nodded.
“I’m okay. I just… I don’t want to mess up and embarrass you,” she said. I shook my head.
“You’ll never embarrass me,” I said. She eyed me skeptically.
“What if I fell down the stairs in front of everyone,” she said, her voice completely serious
as she challenged my statement. I started laughing.
“You won’t be walking down any stairs, tesoro,” I said. She sighed.
“Well, I don’t need stairs anyway. What if I just fall?” she said. I shrugged.
“You won’t. I’ll hold you up,” I said. She rolled her eyes.
“Well what if I take you down with me?” she asked.
“Shit, you think you can take me down?” I asked playfully. She nodded, smiling softly.
“Well then I guess I just fucking fall then. Hate to break it to you, but falling won’t
embarrass me.”
She huffed. “Well what if I like, get hiccups loudly, and interrupt graduation?” I started
laughing, shaking my head.
“If that happens, Bella, I’ll probably fucking laugh but whatever. Chill out, you aren’t going
to embarrass me,” I said. She sighed and nodded, looking resigned. It was ridiculous but I
let her have her mini-freak out, considering I had them myself sometimes. The notorious
picnic from Valentine’s Day came to mind.
I led her inside the auditorium and we took seats in the back, Alice coming to join us after a
few minutes. My father, Esme, and Alec arrived moments later, sitting down behind us. I
had my arm draped over Isabella’s shoulder and could feel her tense up when she felt their
presence, so I squeezed her lightly, trying to be reassuring because she had nothing to
fucking worry about.
We waited for a bit, just chatting nonchalantly. Most of my classmates started filtering in,
most of them taking time to speak to me when they spotted me. Everyone settled down and
the ceremony started finally, the graduating class filtering in. Isabella watched it all with
wide eyes and I realized after a moment that as ridiculous as it all seemed to me, it was
probably fucking significant to her. She’d never witnessed such a thing and I felt fucking
horrible almost immediately, realizing she’d never get to experience graduating from high
school.
I didn’t know what to say to her so I just sat quietly, watching as the principal blabbed on
about how proud he was of the graduating class. Usually I’d block out the inspirational
bullshit they were spewing, but Isabella was listening with so much passion in her eyes that
it made me wanna fucking know what she was hearing and found so fascinating. The
valedictorian was up on stage, talking about the future.
"I want you to take a second right now to start truly grabbing hold of your future. I want
you to imagine yourself ten years down the road and imagine every aspect of your life. Your
job, your spouse, your kids, even your friends. But don’t imagine the future that you think
you’re heading for, the future that seems most logical with your set of circumstances, but
rather imagine the future that you desire most. Forget all the expectations everyone else
has for you, and while you’re at it go ahead and forget the ones you have for yourself.
Ignore, for just a second, all of those expectations and instead concentrate on what it is you
truly want out of life. I want you to visualize the road that will take you there to the future
you desire most. That is your path. That is where you belong,” he said.
I glanced over at Isabella and saw the tears welling up in her eyes, but could see that she
was trying to fight them back. I sighed and squeezed her, pulling her to me. She laid her
head on my shoulder and I leaned over, kissing the top of her head. She smelled sweet, like
flowers and strawberries.
“None of the truly great in this world became that way by doing what it is they felt they had
to do, that they felt they had no choice but to do. The truly great people followed their
passions and not their expectations. If Mozart had become a teacher or if Einstein had
become an electrician, we’d know neither man today. We know them and revere them as
geniuses because they followed the path they belonged on, the path that held their passion.
The path they envisioned.”
He finished up his speech and Isabella drank in every word. They started handing out
diplomas afterwards and we all cheered loudly when they called out Emmett and then
Jasper. Emmett did some weird dance on the stage that made everyone laugh but the
principal didn’t seem too pleased about the disruption. After everyone was called they
wrapped it up, officially declaring them graduated, and they all threw their caps in the air.
We all filtered outside eventually and Isabella was off to the side with Rosalie and Alice,
smiling and looking quite content. I walked over and sat down on the brick wall lining the
school and watched her quietly, just absorbing every smile and laugh coming from her. I
heard someone behind me after a moment and glanced back, seeing both of my brothers.
“Congrats, guys,” I said. They thanked me and sat down on each side of me on the wall. I
reached into my pocket and pulled out my flask, opening it and taking a swig. I handed it to
Emmett and he took a drink, offering it to Jasper. I expected him to decline because he
usually always did, as he wasn’t much of a drinker, but he took it this time. He took a big
swig and shuddered, causing both Emmett and I to laugh.
“She looks happy, bro,” Emmett said after a moment. I glanced over at him curiously.
“Huh?” I asked. I nodded his head over toward where Isabella was standing with Rosalie
and Alice.
“I said she looks happy. She’s changed a lot the past nine months since she’s been with us.
She’s not the same frightened little girl that walked in the door that first day, scared
shitless of us all,” he said, reaching over and taking the flask from Jasper.
“She’s smart, too,” Jasper said. “She’s better at Jeopardy than me. She even corrected my
vocabulary the other day. I said I felt nauseous and she said the word I wanted was
nauseated.”
I smirked, because that sure as hell sounded like something my Bella would do, chiming in
with her tidbits of wisdom to help out where she can. “She doesn’t flinch anymore, either,”
Emmett said.
I nodded. “I fucking hated the flinching.”
“Me, too,” they both said at the same time. I laughed as they both yelled “Jinx” loudly,
drawing the attention of the girls. Isabella glanced over at me and I gave her a little wave.
She smiled sweetly before Alice said something to her, gaining her attention again.
We sat quietly for a moment, just passing the flask around. “It was her, wasn’t it?” Emmett
asked finally. I glanced over at him cautiously, noticing he wasn’t even looking at me. I
knew exactly what he meant immediately by the look on his face as he stared at Isabella. I
didn’t respond for a moment and he turned his head to look at me, meeting my eyes. I
nodded hesitantly and he sighed, handing the flask to me. “We figured.”
My eyes widened slightly and I glanced over at Jasper, seeing the same expression on his
face. “How long have you known?” I asked, glancing back over at Isabella. She was laughing
at something, her face lighting up with joy. I smiled in response to the sight, her happiness
triggering my own.
“Since your bitch ass ran from the table that day,” Emmett said. “After you railed on Dad
about what Mom found so important to die for, you just got this fucking look on your face,
bro. And then you looked at Isabella like she just kicked your fucking dog or something.”
I took a deep breath, feeling guilty for that. I felt guilty that I’d blamed her, that I still
sometimes had moments where it hurt knowing. I wondered if I’d ever truly move past it
completely and doubted it. I figured it would always hurt somewhat, but it was a pain I’d
learn to adapt to and live with.
“It wasn’t until prom though that I was sure of it,” Jasper chimed in. Emmett laughed
dryly, reaching over and taking the flask from me.
“Yeah, when you were being an unbearable prick. I wanted to rip your balls off for how you
were treating her,” he said.
I sighed. “I didn’t mean to, you know,” I said. Emmett nodded.
“I know, bro. I know you love her,” he said, taking a drink. We were all quiet for a moment
again before Jasper spoke.
“I think Mom would be happy to see her,” he said. “To see how much she’s grown and
changed these past few months. I guess that’s what Mom wanted and you did that for her.”
My brow furrowed as I glanced over at Jasper.
“I didn’t do anything,” I said. Emmett laughed, shaking his head.
“The fuck you didn’t. You think that’s Dad’s doing? Hell no. Dad brought her here, but
you’re the one who saved her ass, Edward,” he said, holding the flask out to me. I took it
and he continued. “Mom always said you’d do great things in life and I have to admit, I’d
doubted that shit. But now I see it. Because no matter what the fuck you do tomorrow,
Edward, what matters is that you did that today. You made her how she is,” he said,
motioning toward her.
I gazed over at her for a moment, just watching her interact with Rosalie and Alice. She
seemed so relaxed, so at ease, so much like a normal girl. Just looking at her, standing
there laughing and chatting, you’d never imagine that she’d been through the things she’d
been through. Had I really done all that?
“All I did was love her,” I said after a moment.
“You ever think maybe that’s just what she needed? Someone to see the real her and love
her finally? Sometimes we don’t have to really do anything, we have to just be,” Jasper said.
“That’s the fucking truth right there,” Emmett said, louder than he intended because the
girls glanced back at us again with curious expressions. “Sorry ladies, nothing to see here,
move along.”
Rosalie rolled her eyes and went back to talking. I smirked as Isabella’s eyes lingered on me
for a moment, her expression soft and filled with love.
“Does she know? About why mom died?” Jasper asked. I shook my head no.
“I don’t plan on telling her. It would crush her. She knows how fucked up I was because of
mom’s death, I don’t want to put that on her. She’ll blame herself and I can’t let her carry
that burden. She deserves better,” I said. Emmett sighed.
“You think you can really keep that shit from her?” he asked. I shrugged.
“I’m sure as hell gonna try,” I said. “If she finds out someday, we’ll deal with it. But I have
no plans on crushing her like that personally.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t figure it out herself. She’s smart, the pieces were all there,” Jasper
said.
“The pieces may have all been there, Jasper, but she didn’t know what the fucking puzzle
was to put it together. Mom quit going to see Isabella years before she died. Isabella has no
reason to think she’s at all related to it. She doesn’t see herself clearly,” I said. They both
mumbled agreements and we sat quietly for a while longer, just passing the flask around
until it was empty. I slipped it back in my pocket and Emmett jumped up.
“We’ll I’m off to show Rosie the time of her life,” he said jokingly, waggling his eyebrows. I
laughed and Jasper stood up beside him, smiling.
“I promised Alice we’d be sociable tonight. You planning to go to any parties?” he asked. I
shrugged.
“I told Isabella tonight was hers, so I dunno what we’re doing,” I said. They both nodded.
“You know what’s kinda funny? I mean, not funny but ironic maybe?” Emmett asked.
“She’s been here nine months now, and it takes nine months to create life. It’s like she’s
been reborn, ya know? And the fact that tomorrow you turn 18 and are an adult, bro, that’s
just another piece of it. It just feels like right now is the beginning of something, like we’re
at the starting line and not the finish line.”
“The beginning of our lives,” Jasper and I said at the same time. Emmett started laughing
and we all yelled ‘Jinx’ together, bursting into laughter. The girls walked over, asking what
was so funny and Emmett tried to explain, but they didn’t find it nearly as amusing.
They all set off and Isabella sat down on the wall beside me, leaning her head over onto my
shoulder. I put my arm around her, pulling her to me further. We sat there for a while in
silence, just enjoying each other’s company.
We spent the evening driving around the area, popping in to a few parties but not staying
very long at any one place. We grabbed something to eat eventually, running into Tanya
and Lauren at the pizzeria in Forks but they didn’t even so much as look in our direction.
They hadn’t spoken a single word to me since I pulled that stunt with the pictures. They
had no proof to pinpoint any of it on me, no evidence that I was even present that day.
They both ended up in big trouble with their parents and the school didn’t take it very well
either, but I couldn’t care less. Karma’s a bitch.
Around 10:30 at night, while the rest of the Forks under 25-crowd was just getting started
on their partying, Isabella and I headed back to the house. No one was there when we
arrived, and I briefly wondered where the fuck my father had gone with Esme and Alec, but
a bigger part of me truly didn’t want to know. I was really starting to learn that ignorance is
motherfucking bliss. I can’t unlearn the shit I now knew, but had no intention of digging
any deeper if I didn’t have to.
We headed up to the bedroom and Isabella stripped, saying she wanted to take a quick
shower to get the hairspray out of her hair that Alice had put in it. I undressed while she
showered, lounging in a pair of boxers and a wifebeater. She came back out of the
bathroom in my football shirt and a pair of shorts, her wet hair hanging down her back. She
looked so casual and simple, but so fucking beautiful.
She walked over and sat down on the couch while I opened up the desk drawer, pulling out
the weed. I asked her if she minded if I did it, not wanting to be an asshole and light up if it
was just going to annoy her, and she told me to go ahead. She wasn’t one for drugs or
drinking really, and occasionally she’d do a little with me but it wasn’t very often. It was
something else I loved about her that went along with her newfound independence. She
didn’t feel compelled to do that shit just because I did it. She was becoming her own
woman.
She picked out a movie while I smoked a bit, and I blew her a shotgun once but other than
that she didn’t touch any of it. I turned the lights out eventually and sat down on the couch
beside her, wrapping my arms around her and holding her. We watched the start of the
movie quietly, just being together. After awhile I got bored with it and started nibbling on
her neck, kissing her warm flesh. She shifted her body around to face me eventually,
pressing her lips to mine softly, her hand finding it’s way into my hair. We kissed for a
while as my hands roamed her body, massaging her breasts through her shirt and rubbing
her thighs lightly.
I grabbed the bottom of the shirt after a moment and pulled up, silently asking permission
to get rid of that motherfucker. She lifted her arms up immediately, her way of telling me to
go right ahead, and I discarded it on the floor. I glanced down, my breath nearly leaving me
when I saw the black see through bra, her perfect fucking nipples visible through the sheer
material. I groaned and brought my hand out, tracing around her areolas with my
fingertips.
“Is this new?” I asked, knowing I’d never seen the motherfucker before because it was
definitely something I would’ve remembered. She smiled and nodded.
“Present for you from Alice,” she said. I chuckled, making note to thank the meddlesome
girl later for it. I unhooked her bra and discarded it, because as nice as the fucking thing
was, bare breasts were even nicer. I had her lay back on the couch and pulled her shorts off,
noticing the sheer panties that matched the bra. I leaned my head down and kissed them
gently before pulling them off, discarding them on the floor also. She laid before me,
completely nude, her skin glowing under the light from the TV and mesmerizing me. I
leaned down and kissed her navel softly, causing her to suck her stomach in as my tongue
dipped inside of it.
I kissed and caressed every inch of her body, taking my time and doing it right. She relaxed
under my touch, writhing and moaning lightly. Once I made sure not a bit of her was
neglected, I focused my attention between her thighs. I nudged her legs apart, bringing my
mouth to her clit, my tongue coming out and gently running circles around it. She moaned,
her hands coming down and gripping onto my hair.
I licked every part of her slowly, savoring it, before dipping my tongue inside of her. She
was getting really worked up so I pushed a finger inside of her and brought my mouth back
to her clit, sucking harder. I worked my finger and my mouth in synch, her body exploding
in orgasm quickly. She tensed up and my name escaped her throat in a scream, her thighs
clamping around me as her body quaked with pleasure. Once it subsided I hovered overtop
of her, kissing her lips. She grabbed my shirt and pulled it off, her hand finding its way into
my boxers quickly. She pulled out my dick and started stroking it, kissing me passionately.
She let go of me after a moment and pushed on my chest, softly telling me to sit up. I
hesitated for a moment, confused as to why she was stopping but obliged because I’d never
fucking force or pressure her to do something she didn’t want to do. I sat up on the couch
and was about to tuck myself back in my boxers when she grabbed the waistband of them,
pulling them down. I didn’t question her, realizing she probably was about to give me head
since she had me sit up. I kicked my boxers off and sat back on the couch, fucking stunned
when her legs came around me and she straddled my lap. I looked at her with confusion,
gripping her hips as her wetness rubbed against me, my dick throbbing and screaming for
attention.
I couldn’t tell you how many times we’d had sex, I wasn’t fucking counting, but one thing I
did know is she’d never been on top before. She’d never really taken the initiative to.
I brought my mouth to her neck, nipping and kissing as she ground her hips onto me,
rubbing against my dick. Groans were escaping my throat as it drove me toward the edge,
the need almost becoming fucking unbearable. She shifted up after awhile and grabbed a
hold of me, lowering herself onto my erection. I groaned as her pussy wrapped around me,
the tightness and warmth enveloping me.
“Fuck, Bella,” I hissed, grabbing her hips. I filled her completely and she paused with me
inside of her, her eyes fluttering closed. She stayed that way for a second before reopening
her eyes and gazing at me, the fire in them intense. The pure fucking raw need shining back
at me had me in awe, and she started moving her hips, riding me slowly. I watched her for
a moment, stunned at how in control and striking she looked, before allowing my eyes to
close and my head to lay back against the couch. I kept my hands on her hips, guiding her
some but letting her do most of it, letting her set the pace. I was just enjoying every thrust,
every fucking second of me filling that tight pussy.
“Mmmm, la mia bella ragazza,” I mumbled, tingles shooting through my entire body as she
started increasing her pace. “Principessa mia ti amo tanto.”
She moaned at the sound of the Italian and smashed her lips to mine forcefully. Her
movements gained more vigor, her thrusts harder and faster and her whimpers growing
louder. She gripped my hair tightly, kissing me with so much intensity that it nearly
fucking took my breath away as she rode me.
“Oh, God,” she murmured against my mouth. “I love you, Edward.”
I grunted, gripping her hips tighter and guiding her movements more. “I love you, too,
Bella. So fucking much, baby.”
She whimpered, her body tensing up. I could tell she was getting close again as her thrusts
grew more erratic, her control slipping. I debated for a moment before grabbing her hips
tightly, pushing us forward. “Hold on,” I said quickly, pushing us up. She wrapped her legs
around my waist, never breaking contact, and I took the few steps over toward the bed. I
laid her down on it and hovered over top of her, putting her feet on my shoulders. I started
thrusting into her hard, pounding that pussy and rubbing up against her clit as our skin
slapped together, driving her to the edge quickly. She tensed up and screamed, grabbing a
hold of my arms so firmly it fucking hurt. I grunted and continued to thrust hard,
slamming my pelvis into hers, her wetness coating us both. The sounds of our bodies
coming together rang out loudly in the room, our noises drowning out the television in the
background.
I slowed my pace after her orgasm subsided, letting her come down from her high. When
she seemed back in control of her body I rolled us over, putting her back on top. She
seemed shocked at first, glancing down at me with surprise, but I just smiled and leaned
up, kissing her gently.
She started moving her hips again, riding my dick, setting the perfect pace. I felt my
orgasm building up and ran my hands all over her body, feeling her skin dampened with
sweat. “So good,” I groaned as the intensity started to build within me. Wrapping my arms
around her, I pulled her down toward me, and started thrusting my hips up to meet her.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” I grunted, holding her tightly as it hit me. I cried out as the
pleasure surged through me, thrusting hard as I started spilling inside of her. I slowed
down before stilling my movements as my climax receded.
I laid still with her on top of me for a bit, both of us panting and holding each other tightly.
She finally moved after awhile, sitting up some to look at me. She glanced over toward the
clock on the stand beside the bed before gazing down at me. The love and devotion in her
eyes sent my heart pounding frantically, my chest swelling with the fucking love I felt for
her. My girl. My Bella.
“Happy birthday, Edward.”
*****
finocchio – derogatory word for ‘gay’

Donnaiolo - womanizer
Bagascia – Bitch/whore
la mia bella ragazza – my beautiful girl
Principessa mia ti amo tanto – my princess I love you so much
Chapter 56 Strength & Courage
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone
deeply gives you courage.” -- Lao Tzu
I pulled out of Edward’s arms, careful not to disturb his sleep, and sat up. I glanced over at
the alarm clock on the stand beside the bed, the red numbers glowing brightly and
indicating it was a few minutes before six in the morning. Edward stirred in his sleep and
rolled over away from me, grumbling something incoherent. I sat there for a moment,
watching his back move with each breath he took, the tattoos on his pale flesh standing out
prominently, even in the darkness. The blanket was in a heap at the end of the bed, having
been kicked off of us at some point during the night, leaving both of us completely exposed.
My eyes trailed down his body, taking in his toned form. We were both still naked since we
had gone to sleep almost immediately after making love.
It had been different last night. There was the same passion and love as there always was
when we were intimate, but last night had been more intense. The need to be with him
seemed to propel me forward as my overwhelming desire to claim him and be claimed by
him took over. The previous thirty-six hours had been some of the most emotionally
fluctuating hours of my life; my head and mind were all over the place. The moment we
stepped foot in that door and I saw Alec Evanson standing in the foyer of the Cullen house,
everything came crashing into me. My fear of the past and the hope for the future collided,
the force of it nearly breaking me. I knew he was coming and I knew exactly who he was. I
recalled him from visits to Phoenix, remembering clearly the way he looked and the sound
of his voice. I’d tried to prepare myself for it, just as Edward had done everything he could
to make sure I was okay with it all, but there was no amount of preparation that could ward
off those feelings.
The moment they hit me I nearly panicked, but Edward wrapped his arm around me and
held on to me. Physically, I remained on my own two feet, but in that moment he was the
one who was actually keeping me upright. The security I felt within his arms, the safety I
felt when I heard his voice whispering into my ear – that was what held me together.
He told me he loved me and that I had nothing to worry about, because his love would
protect me. It was such a simple statement but when he spoke it, I felt it. Edward’s embrace
always made me feel safe but that feeling was even more powerful now. It was something
inside of me, the combination of that fear and that hope surging under my skin and making
me feel that even in that moment -- standing in front of a man like Alec -- I was okay,
because I had survived. And when Edward spoke the words, “this is my girlfriend Isabella,”
it hit me. I stared into Alec’s almost emotionless eyes, absorbing those sensations flowing
through me, coming to terms with what it was I felt.
Strength.
The fear and the hope came to a head as my almost surreal past and my potential future
crashed together in the present. And in that moment, I felt strong. I felt brave. I felt like
maybe, just maybe, I deserved it. Maybe I finally deserved to have hope. Maybe I deserved
to have a future. And, despite what Dr. Cullen may have said, maybe I was worth it.
Because in that moment, I felt like I was.
I was worth it.
That didn’t kill the fear by any means, as I was still frightened beyond words, but it was
powerful enough to make me extend my hand to the man that caused it and stand up for
myself. It made me want to stand on my own two feet for real, and not have to rely on
Edward’s embrace to hold me upright. As much as I loved and believed in Edward, in that
moment I felt like I needed to love and believe in myself.
To say it was smooth sailing and I was comfortable after the initial encounter would be
lying, because that was far from the truth. Alec still frightened me, just as part of me
continued to fear Dr. Cullen. But I wouldn’t allow that fear to take over. Dr. Cullen might
have controlled me physically, but he didn’t control the person I was, and I wouldn’t allow
Alec to walk through the door and destroy the person I had become.
It was intense, that realization. I hadn’t spoken it out loud to Edward, but I wasn’t even
sure it was necessary. It had changed a part of me though, as I’d felt it within me the past
thirty-six hours. It fortified my hope for the future and made that love I felt for Edward
even stronger. Going to the high school and seeing Jasper and Emmett graduating had only
reinforced those feelings. Hearing those words that man spoke about envisioning your
future and what path you wanted to be on, looking past expectations and instead finding
where your passion was had been overwhelming. For the first time, I could really see it.
Edward always spoke about the two of us having a future together and became angry when
I showed hesitance or doubt about it, but it was never because I didn’t want or desire a
future with him. It was because I could never picture one. All I could see was where I was,
and never where I was going. But sitting in that auditorium, I finally saw it. I saw a life
outside of what I had now. A life of promise. A life where the sky was the limit and where
marriage and children were real options. Where education and friendships were possible. A
life full of love, where the hope won and the fear was drowned out. I could finally see it…
the future my mother always imagined for me.
Seeing a life for me outside of slavery left me feeling almost satisfied. I wasn’t there yet, but
someday I could be and that was what mattered. After the graduation ceremony we roamed
around Forks for a while, mingling with Edward’s classmates and getting dinner. I was
growing more confident and comfortable around people, which made associating with
people who knew him from school or the neighborhood easier. I was still nervous in a
crowd and didn’t particularly enjoy getting a lot of attention, as part of me still felt like I
should be standing on the outside looking in. But the bigger part of me was growing used to
it, getting used to the idea that being with Edward Cullen meant sometimes stepping into
the limelight… and I was okay with that.
After we arrived home, we hung out in the bedroom and Edward put a movie on, but I
couldn’t focus on it. My mind kept drifting away, back to those words I’d heard hours
previously at graduation. I thought about pushing aside what everyone expected of me and
instead taking a step toward what it was I desired in life. Taking a stand, grabbing the horse
by the reigns and just going for it. I thought about my mother telling me to never give up
hope, that I was destined for more in life. I even thought about Edward’s mother and that
phrase they’d told me she often used—In life, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I could
continue on as I was and just survive, or I could take a step out and try to truly live. Jasper
once asked me if just surviving was enough if this was what surviving meant, and I wasn’t
sure how to respond to that at the time but I knew now. Surviving wasn’t enough for me
anymore. I was a survivor but I needed more than that. I wanted to really live.
And it was the yearning to live the life I desired and not the existence I felt I was doomed to
have that caused that strength I’d had earlier to surge through me. Edward was kissing all
over my body, taking his time and practically worshiping my skin, and as much as I craved
that attention from him something about it didn’t feel fair. Edward worshiped my body
often, pleasured me beyond words, and I wanted to do the same. I wanted to make him feel
as loved and needed as he often made me feel. I wanted him to know I craved him, that I
desired him. Because when I envisioned my future, he was in it. When I thought about
what I wanted from life, he came to mind most.
So for the first time, I took the initiative. For the first time, I took the control. I always
thought it would be nerve-wracking, and admittedly I was a bit nervous, but it wasn’t as
bad as I imagined it would be. Things were always so natural with Edward. I never felt as if
I had to change any part of myself to fit with him. Everything just seemed to come together
with us and sex was no exception. We fit; we belonged.
It was amazing, the fervor and intensity of our lovemaking. The yearning and craving we
both felt was palpable. You could feel it in the room, lingering in the air between us. It
seemed to dance across our skin, causing goose bumps to spring up on my body and drive
me forward. I needed him and he needed me. I never wanted to be without him, couldn’t
envision a future where he wasn’t there, and he seemed to feel the same. It was practically
radiating from him, the passion and desire, the longing and intense hunger.
I lay on top of him after it was over, just feeling his warm damp skin against mine, the rise
and fall of his chest vibrating against my body. After the electricity seemed to cool down
some I sat up and glanced at the clock, realizing it was after midnight. I glanced down at
Edward, nearly stunned by the emotion in his eyes. Emotions so strong it made my heart
pound, his expression glowing with the same feelings I held inside of me. Need. Courage.
Strength. Love. He looked at me like I was truly worth it.
“Happy Birthday, Edward,” I said.
A shiver ran the length of Edward’s body after a moment, causing his muscles to tense as
his body shuddered. I reached down and grabbed the blanket, spreading it out over him
before climbing out of bed and walking over to the dresser to pull out a pair of black velour
pants and one of Edward’s T-shirts. I dressed quickly and walked over to the door, giving
him one last look before slipping out of the room. I headed downstairs and into the kitchen,
opening up cabinets and the refrigerator and pulling out all of the ingredients I would
need.
It was Edward’s birthday, a fact that both excited me and saddened me. I was happy to be
able to celebrate his day with him, but a bit put off by the fact that I really didn’t have
anything I could give him. I was determined to do everything I could, however, to show him
how special he was to me. I started throwing together the ingredients for an Italian Cream
Cake, because I remembered Edward mentioning once that it as his favorite. I’d never
made it before and was slightly nervous about messing it up, but I had seen the slave
named Clara make them in Phoenix before so I knew what they entailed, at least.
I got the batter put together and was putting it in baking pans when I heard subtle
footsteps behind me, entering the kitchen. I tensed up immediately, my heart pounding
furiously as my hands started shaking. The footsteps were so restrained that they were
barely noticeable and definitely unfamiliar, which immediately gave away who was making
them. I continued to scoop the batter into the pans, focusing my eyes intently on what I
was doing and attempting to ignore everything else. The hairs on the back of my neck were
standing on end, goose bumps popping up across my skin and a queasy feeling brewing
inside of me. I could feel the eyes on me and it caused my panic to surge.
I put the pans in the oven and set the timer, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself
down. He was completely silent but I could sense his presence in the doorway watching me.
It had me on edge, my nerves completely frazzled. I wished he would speak and
acknowledge me or leave so I could get myself under control.
I started grabbing the stuff to make the cream cheese frosting when he cleared his throat. I
froze, a cold chill running down my spine.
“Good morning,” he said. His voice was quiet but he spoke pointedly, almost emotionless. I
didn’t say anything for a second, trying to get my heart to stop thumping feverishly because
it was echoing in my ears.
“Good morning Mr. Evanson… sir,” I finally said hesitantly, turning my head to look at
him. He was standing there, fully dressed in an expensive looking black suit with a plain
black tie. His jacket was open and he had his hands in his pockets, leaning up against the
doorframe. His gaze penetrated me, his stare intense as he made eye contact with me. “Do
you, uh… Can I get you something?”
He continued to stare at me intently, not moving even a fraction of an inch. His stance was
almost statuesque and I briefly wondered if he was even breathing or blinking. I broke eye
contact with him as my heart rate started to spike again from my anxiety. I wasn’t sure
what to say or do, and he wasn’t answering my question so I had no idea what he wanted.
“No,” he finally said, his voice seeming to echo in the tense silence. I jumped, startled at the
sound, and turned my head quickly to look at him again. He raised his eyebrows slightly in
question, obviously noticing my reaction.
“Okay,” I said, unsure of what else to say. I turned back around and resumed work on the
frosting, attempting to ignore his presence. I could still sense him behind me and had no
idea why he was there, but I didn’t like it. I wasn’t comfortable around him and wanted him
to leave. It felt almost like he was invading my space, which was ridiculous because he was
family to the Cullens. He was Edward’s uncle, and Esme’s husband, and he had every right
to be there.
He moved after a few minutes, his footsteps heading toward me. I took a few steps away
instinctively, my legs seeming to move on their own. It was a natural reaction when he
came near me, and something I still sometimes did with Dr. Cullen. You always stay out of
the master’s path in order to avoid inadvertently getting into trouble and while Alec wasn’t
my master, he was an Evanson. If Jane had taught me anything those years she was my
Mistress, it was to stay out of their way as much as possible.
Alec opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I stood off to the side for a moment
while he opened his drink and took a sip, before stepping back over toward the frosting I
was mixing together. I finished it up, hyperaware of his proximity to me. I wasn’t sure why
he was just standing there watching me, or why he was even awake at that hour for that
matter.
I heard footsteps coming down the stairs after a few minutes, relief washing through me.
They neared the kitchen and I turned around, watching as Dr. Cullen walked in. I wasn’t
entirely comfortable with him, of course, but at least he was more familiar to me.
He glanced at Alec as he walked toward us, giving him a curious look. His eyes found their
way to me next. “Good morning, dolcezza,” he said quietly, opening the fridge and grabbing
a bottle of water.
“Good morning, sir,” I said softly.
“I’m surprised to see you awake so early today. I take it Edward is still asleep?” he said,
raising his eyebrows questioningly.
“Yes, sir,” I said. He nodded, sighing.
“Figures,” he mumbled, turning to look at Alec. The timer for the oven went off and I
started pulling the cake layers out while they chatted quietly. I couldn’t make out
everything, intentionally trying to block them out so as not to appear to be eavesdropping,
but a few things slipped through regardless of my effort.
“I took care of it,” Alec said, and I wasn’t sure what he was talking about but the tone of his
voice caused a chill to flow down my spine.
“Have you been to sleep?” Dr. Cullen asked in response.
“No,” Alec said. “I got home about an hour and a half ago. Long enough to clean up.”
My brow furrowed in confusion as Dr. Cullen sighed loudly. Neither man said anything else
after that, the conversation seemingly over. I removed the cake layers from the pans and
started frosting them, putting them together. Dr. Cullen walked over to stand beside me
and I glanced in his direction, noticing he was gazing out of the window with a wistful
expression on his face. He seemed troubled, almost as if he were worried about something.
I turned my head and glanced out of the window. The sun was rising outside now, lighting
up the driveway as well as the forest surrounding the property. The black Mercedes was
parked right in front of the window, which was odd because Dr. Cullen always parked it off
to the side. I gazed at it, the realization dawning on me that Alec must have been driving it
because they didn’t have a rental car and I felt a tinge of panic, wondering if he had been
gone all night. If he had driven Dr. Cullen’s car and was gone somewhere alone, that meant
Dr. Cullen and Esme were probably home the entire time. We’d assumed we were home
alone since the car was missing and the house was quiet and dark, but I wondered if maybe
Edward and I had been wrong. It was late by the time we had made it back to the house, so
it was entirely plausible they’d just already gone to bed.
“They’ll be here soon,” Dr. Cullen said after a moment, his voice breaking the intense
silence in the room and startling me from my thoughts. I looked over and stared at him
with confusion, unsure of what he was talking about or who he was even talking to. He
sighed again and glanced over at me, his eyes shifting down to the cake in front of me
briefly. “Italian Cream Cake.”
I nodded. “Yes, sir,” I said. “I made it for Edward. It’s for his, uh… birthday.”
He stared at me for a moment, irritation flashing across his face. His eyes darkened with
anger, causing fear to surge through me. I wasn’t sure what I had said or done to just cause
it, but I was quite sure it wasn’t good. He’d gone from calling me endearing names to
glaring at me with hatred once more. It was no wonder my own feelings toward Dr. Cullen
were so conflicting. Why I couldn’t view him as a man, but rather as a master. He ran hot
and cold with me, and I couldn’t seem to settle on a middle ground with him. He was still
unpredictable, and unpredictability was dangerous to a person like me.
“It’s startling, isn’t it?” Alec asked from across the room. “The similarities? It was quite
fascinating to watch. I’ve never felt such a strong sense of déjà vu before.”
My brow furrowed in confusion, once again, as the anger seemed to intensify in Dr.
Cullen’s expression. He clenched his teeth together and turned his head, gazing back out of
the window and into the front yard. My heart was beating erratically, the nerves making me
feel sick. I had no idea what they were talking about, but it was clear whatever it was upset
Dr. Cullen.
“When you finish, Isabella, I need you to make sure Edward’s awake,” Dr. Cullen said
sharply, staring straight ahead. “He has visitors coming soon. I’d go up there myself, but
something tells me he’s probably not decent.”
My eyes widened with shock at his statement, my cheeks immediately growing warm with
blush. I felt sick to my stomach and my knees grew weak. I couldn’t believe he’d said that
and I felt embarrassed, almost ashamed, because it was true. He wasn’t decent. He’d been
naked and I covered him up before I left, but I knew Edward well enough to know he
would’ve ended up kicking the blanket back off within a matter of moments. Did his father
really know? Had he been home last night? Oh God, if he was indeed home all night, had
he heard us?!
I kept my mouth shut, afraid to open it because I was worried I’d get sick from my anxiety
if I did. But Dr. Cullen looked in my direction and raised his eyebrows questioningly,
obviously expecting a response. “Yes, sir,” I mumbled, looking away from him immediately
and down at the cake in front of me. I felt almost guilty for some reason and that was
wrong, because I shouldn’t feel guilty. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I loved Edward and
he loved me. We were young, yes, but Edward had taught me that there was nothing wrong
with us expressing our love.
Alec laughed dryly. “I’m quite sure this is one of those times Edward was referring to,
Carlisle,” he said. “One of those moments where she says ‘yes, sir’ but means something
entirely different.”
I looked over at him with uncertainty, wondering what he meant by that, and heard Dr.
Cullen sigh from aggravation. He didn’t respond to Alec’s statement, just walked away from
me and left the kitchen, heading toward the living room. Alec lingered in the kitchen a
moment longer, eyeing me curiously.
“When you wake Edward, tell him his Godfather is coming to see him,” Alec said. He
started walking out, muttering “Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” under his breath. I stood there
for a moment, confused and a bit scared about the entire exchange.
I finished frosting the cake, sprinkling the chopped pecans on top. I covered it and slid it
into refrigerator before cleaning up the kitchen quickly. I started the dishwasher and
washed my hands, heading upstairs. I reached the third floor around the same time
Edward’s bedroom door opened and he stepped out into the hallway, appearing to still be
half asleep. His hair was completely disheveled, sticking up in every direction imaginable.
He had on a pair of boxers and some flannel pajama pants slung low on his hips, his pelvic
bones peeking out the top of them. He was barefoot and his chest was still exposed, my
eyes naturally being drawn to it. He started in my direction, running a hand through his
hair, and paused when he spotted me.
“Hey, tesoro,” he said, his voice thick with sleep. He cleared his throat and ran his hands
down his face, obviously trying to wake himself up. “I was wondering where you ran off to.”
He held his arms out and I smiled softly, walking over and wrapping my arms around him.
He hugged me, sighing contently. “I made you a cake,” I murmured. He chuckled and
squeezed me tightly.
“Christ, baby, you didn’t have to do that,” he said. “I’d have preferred to have you in bed
with me. I mean, that’s not to say I’m not going to eat the fuck out of the cake, I’m just
saying… I’d rather have you.”
I smiled against his chest, taking a deep breath and inhaling his scent. “Your dad told me to
wake you up,” I said after a moment, sighing.
“They’re home?” he asked curiously. I nodded and pulled back from his embrace to glance
at him.
“Yeah, Alec said he got back about two hours ago from somewhere and that he was gone all
night. I’m not sure when your dad and Esme got back… if they were even gone,” I said
hesitantly. He looked at me curiously before shaking his head.
“I don’t even want to know what that motherfucker was doing,” he muttered. “Maybe we
weren’t alone last night after all. But whatever, it doesn’t matter. You wanna go back to
bed? It’s still kinda fucking early. We could stay in bed all day, maybe take a shower
together?”
He smirked mischievously, his hand trailing down my back and over my butt. I smiled,
blushing. “I wish we could but I told you, your dad said you need to get up. Alec said
something about your Godfather visiting?”
His eyes widened at my words, his expression hardening as the color seemed to drain from
his face. “You’re sure he said my Godfather?” he asked, his voice slightly panicked. My
brow furrowed and I nodded hesitantly.
“Yes, I’m sure,” I said.
“Did they say anything else?” he asked. I shrugged.
“I mean, they said some stuff but I didn’t understand most of it. Your dad seemed to get
mad at me about the cake I made, and then Alec said it was one of the moments you told
them about. One of the moments were I said ‘yes, sir’ but meant something else? Does that
make sense?” I asked, bewildered. He stared at me for a moment before a small smile
graced his lips. He let go of me and ran a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, yesterday I said something about how sometimes when you say ‘yes, sir’ you
probably mean ‘fuck you’ or something like that,” he said, shrugging. My eyes widened in
shock.
“Oh God, Edward, you didn’t!” I said, realizing that they just assumed I’d wanted to tell Dr.
Cullen off. He chuckled.
“Yeah, I did. It’s not a big deal; I mean, it’s the truth. If he got an attitude about you baking
me a goddamn cake, you know damn well you wanted to tell him to fuck off,” he said
nonchalantly. I just gaped at him, stunned he’d tell his father that. “But whatever, it’s really
not important, Bella. It isn’t like he didn’t already know it, I was just stating the obvious.
Did they say anything else?”
I shrugged. “Alec said something in Italian. Um, ‘Tale il padre, tale il figlio’?” I said, trying
to sound it out. His eyes widened slightly.
“Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” he repeated. “Like father, like son. You actually said that shit
right. But whatever, I’m not that much like my fucking father.” I smiled softly.
“You aren’t,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re warm. Loving. Handsome. Giving. Funny.
Smart. Patient.”
His brow furrowed and he started laughing. “Who the fuck are you talking about, tesoro?
Warm? Patient? Me?”
I laughed. “You are. With me, anyway.”
He smirked, pulling me back into a tight hug. He kissed the top of my head, humming.
“You make it easy,” he said. “Anyway, I’m going to head downstairs and see what’s going
on.”
I pulled from him and nodded, telling him I was going to take a shower. He leaned down
and kissed my lips briefly before trudging down the steps, grumbling to himself. Making
my way through the bedroom and into the bathroom, I stripped and hopped into the
shower. I washed up, standing under the warm spray for a while, allowing the water to
soothe my tension before climbing out and heading into the bedroom. I got dressed,
putting on a blue blouse and a pair of black pants and slipping some blue ballet flats on
that matched my shirt.
I was brushing my hair and finishing up when Edward walked back in. He seemed
distracted, roaming around the room and mumbling to himself as I watched him curiously.
He told me he was going to take a shower after a moment and headed into the bathroom. I
grabbed my notebook and walked over to the couch, sitting down and stretching my legs
out as I picked up my pen and opened my notebook to a blank page. I wrote in it often, just
practicing my penmanship and spilling out my random thoughts. It was nothing
significant, mostly just nonsense rambling, but I’d caught Edward reading it a few times. I
didn’t mind, as I had no secrets from him anymore and never intended to keep another one
from him. I actually found it endearing that he cared to know what was on my mind and
what I scribbled about.
I sat there for a moment contemplating before bringing the pen to the paper and starting to
write. I wrote down what was on my mind, tearing the paper out when I was finished. I
folded it up and wrote Edward’s name on the outside, debating briefly before walking over
and opening the closet door. I shifted the clothes around until I found his expensive black
coat, the one he’d let me wear the day we went Christmas shopping, and slipped the piece
of paper into the pocket, with a smile.
I had no idea when he’d see it, as he had no reason to wear a coat anytime soon, but it was
an idea I’d gotten from one of Alice’s magazines. She had dropped a few of them off about
two weeks ago, saying she thought I’d like to read them. Some of them were a bit shocking
and full of sexual advice, things that made me nervously blush just reading them, but a few
of the articles were interesting. One was full of tips on how to make your boyfriend feel
special and while a few of the tips were way beyond my comfort zone or ability, I found
some of them to be sort of cute. I’d done a couple of them since reading the article, like
drawing an ‘I love you’ message on the mirror after I take a shower so he’d see it when he
took a shower after me. Another tip, which was what I’d just done, was to write a little note
and slip it somewhere for him to find at a later time. It was silly, but I wasn’t able to do
much for Edward in my position so I was willing to do whatever I could, no matter how
ridiculous it seemed.
I walked over and tossed the notebook back on the desk while Edward came back out of the
bathroom. I stood back and watched as he dressed quickly, putting on a pair of his tan
khaki’s and a black polo shirt with light blue and white stripes. He grabbed a pair of Nike’s
and sat down on the edge of the bed, slipping them on. He lay back on the bed after a
moment, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips. I frowned and walked over, sitting down
careful beside him. He glanced up at me, frowning.
“You look nice,” he said quietly. I smiled lightly, feeling my cheeks warm with blush.
“Thank you,” I said. “You do, too.”
He smirked and sat up, gazing at me. “Do you know who my godfather is, Bella?” he asked.
I shook my head hesitantly, unable to recall having been told before. He sighed, his hand
finding its way into his hair. I grew nervous instantly when I realized he was nervous
himself. “My godfather is Aro, my father’s, uh, boss, I guess.”
My eyes widened with surprise. “You mean the man that visited from Chicago?” I asked. He
nodded and fear shot through me at the fact that he was coming here. He seemed nice
enough but from what I had heard about him from Dr. Cullen, he was very dangerous and
desperate to get Edward to join their organization. I didn’t like that at all; in fact it
downright frightened me.
Edward sighed. “He apparently called last night after graduation and told my dad he was
stopping through the area, detouring up here for my birthday on his way to California with
his wife.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, unsure of what to say about that. Edward gazed at me curiously,
frowning again. I wasn’t sure why he seemed so distraught about it since he seemed to get
along with the man last time he visited. It was his birthday, a day that was supposed to be
special for him, and I didn’t like him appearing so upset. I reached my hand over after a
moment, running my fingertips across his lips. “Why are you frowning?”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen today,” he said, reaching up and grabbing my hand.
“Aro’s a bit of an, uh… fuck, Bella. I don’t know. He’s an asshole, I guess. I don’t know what
he’s going to say or do or how the Hell he’s going to act today. I told you, people expect shit
from me and I just don’t know how he’ll react when he finds out he isn’t getting it.”
I stared at him briefly, absorbing his words. “You’re worried he’s going to try to get you to
go with him now that you’re eighteen?” I asked. He nodded, running his hand through his
hair and gripping on to a handful of it.
“Yeah, but it’s not just that. I’m not just worried about myself, Bella. I can handle myself.
It’s just, he kinda controls my father’s life, and that means he has some say over shit my
father does. It’s fucked up, but Aro’s been very lenient on my dad, let him move out here
and practice medicine or whatever. When it comes down to it, my father can’t really do a
damn thing without Aro’s seal of approval, and it fucking worries me what that means for
you,” he said. My eyes widened with shock and I stared at him, trying to figure out what he
meant by that.
“Are you saying he could… take me away?” I asked hesitantly, fear coursing through me. I
felt sick at the prospect. Edward shook his head quickly.
“No one’s fucking taking you, tesoro, you hear me?” he said forcefully, his tone completely
serious. “I’d never let that shit happen. I’m just saying he has the power to tell my father
what to do. My dad can’t really make big decisions without Aro saying the shit is acceptable
and I just don’t know what that means when it comes to you.”
“Oh,” I said, still not completely understanding what that meant but not wanting to press
it. He sighed and stood up, holding his hand out to me.
“Come on, love. Let’s not worry about that shit right now. Let’s go get some breakfast while
we wait for these motherfuckers,” he said. I nodded and stood up, taking his hand. He led
me out of the room and downstairs, sitting down on the counter as usual while I started
breakfast. I made Edward’s favorite, French toast with bacon on the side and cut up fruit.
Halfway through cooking Emmett and Jasper finally returned home, having stayed out all
night, and Alice and Rosalie showed up a few minutes later. Edward groaned with
annoyance when he saw Alice had a bunch of balloons for him, grumbling about how they
were unnecessary because he wasn’t a child. I thought it was a sweet gesture personally,
smiling brightly when I saw them.
Esme came down not long after the boys returned home, coming into the kitchen and
lending me a hand. I told her it was unnecessary, that she was a guest and shouldn’t have to
do work, but she insisted. We made extra food so everyone could eat, and we all sat down
at the table together when it was finished. The meal was slightly more comfortable than the
one the day before, since there were more people present and I felt like I could fade into the
background easier. Edward seemed slightly on edge, however, and kept sharing peculiar
glances with his father and Alec.
After breakfast everyone scattered. Dr. Cullen and Alec took a seat in the living room, while
the kids all headed upstairs. Edward tried to get me to go along but I told him to go ahead
without me and I slipped away to the kitchen, trying to go undetected. Esme spotted me,
however, and followed behind a moment later. I told her once more that it was unnecessary
and that I could clean up myself but she didn’t listen. We were both quiet at the beginning
but I could tell she had something on her mind based on the looks she kept giving me. I
wondered what it was and considered just coming out and asking her, but before I could
she finally spoke.
“My husband’s not a bad man,” she said, her voice soft. I froze and glanced over at her.
“I, uh… I didn’t say he was,” I said quickly. “I mean, I don’t think…”
She smiled softly, nodding and holding her hand up to stop me. “I know. I just felt the need
to tell you that he’s not a bad man. I know Alec can come across as quite callous but he
does have a heart.” She paused and walked over toward me, crossing her arms over her
chest and leaning back against the counter. “Do you remember that story I told you over
Christmas about how we met Alec and Janie? Do you remember what I told you Alec said
when he first spoke?”
I thought back, recalling the story and trying to remember exactly what it was she had said
about that. “Something about protecting family?” I asked. “Dr. Cullen threw a rock and
hurt Jane, and he stopped your mother from punishing Dr. Cullen by saying that someone
shouldn’t be punished for trying to protect their family.” She nodded.
“Yes. My husband still believes that, you know. Times may be different, but not a lot has
truly changed. Alec knew that Carlisle did something that was essentially wrong, but he
knew my brother had good intentions. Alec recognized that Carlisle was simply trying to
protect his family by any means necessary, even if it meant doing something he shouldn’t
do. My husband stood up for Carlisle, intervened to help him, because he could respect
that. He may not have wanted to step in, and honestly he never truly does, but he did,
regardless. That’s my husband,” she said. She paused, shaking her head. “He’s a good man
with good intentions, but he’s a man that sometimes has to do bad things because of it. Do
you get that?”
I nodded hesitantly. “Yes,” I said. I could understand it, especially after Dr. Cullen and
Edward explained the Mafia life to me. She smiled and stared at me intently for a moment,
her gaze making me a bit uncomfortable. I looked away and started loading the
dishwasher, unsure of why she was telling me any of that.
“Good. My husband takes care of his own,” she said, stepping toward me. I tensed up
instinctively as her hands came out. She palmed my cheeks and pulled my head up to look
at her. “And Isabella? You’re family now.”
My eyes widened as I froze, surprised she’d say that. “I, uh…” I started, feeling my eyes well
up with tears. I wasn’t sure why I was reacting so intensely, it wasn’t the first time one of
them had called me family, but something about her saying that to me sent my emotions
spiraling out of control. She always seemed so warm and loving… so motherly… and that
tore me apart with intense longing, guilt, love and a dozen different other emotions.
Before I could even attempt to put words together to respond, the sound of a car pulling up
outside pulled our attention away. I tensed up, the familiar fear hitting me when I saw the
black car. Esme sighed, muttering a curse under her breath that shocked me. I glanced at
her with surprise and she smiled sheepishly. “Time to pretend we like people.”
I smiled softly as Edward walked into the kitchen and over toward where we were standing.
He glanced out the window, groaning. “Happy fucking birthday to me,” he muttered. He
turned his head to glance between Esme and me, looking nervous. My brow furrowed as
panic flashed in his eyes and I heard Esme sigh.
“Relax, Edward,” she said quietly, reaching over and patting his cheek lightly. “Keep your
eye on the prize, kiddo.”
He nodded and she turned, walking out of the kitchen. He grabbed a hold of me and pulled
me toward him, pressing his lips to mine quickly. “Come sit in the living room with me,
okay?”
I nodded and he hesitated, but walked away as the car doors opened. I glanced out of the
window, recognizing Aro immediately from his previous visit. He was wearing a gray suit
and had a woman with him. She had really long dark hair and was wearing a slightly fancy
tight brown sleeveless dress with a pair of high heels. She seemed beautiful from a distance
but the closer she got to the house, the less real she appeared. It was odd but she looked
almost as if she were made out of plastic. Her face was expressionless and coated in
makeup; her body rigid and almost disproportionate. Every part of her seemed
manufactured.
They approached the door and Dr. Cullen greeted them, sounding enthusiastic. I turned
around and finished loading the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen up quickly as Dr. Cullen
led them into the living room. Esme appeared after a moment and started making drinks,
ignoring me when I told her I could handle it. I threw together a cherry coke for Edward
and Esme watched me curiously, smiling. I hesitated before reaching into the freezer and
pulling out a bottle of clear liquor, pouring some into the soda. She laughed but made no
comment. I figured it was his birthday and he seemed stressed about his visitors, so it was
the least I could do for him.
I helped her carry the drinks into the living room, my anxiety growing as I approached
them. I handed a glass of Aperol Spritz to Aro, my hand shaking slightly from nerves. He
took the glass from me and smiled politely, eyeing me curiously.
“It’s nice to see you once again, dear,” he said. I nodded.
“You too, sir,” I said quietly. A throat cleared beside him and I glanced over, my eyes falling
on the woman with him. She was eyeing me with distaste and appeared even worse up
close. I handed a drink out to her. “Here you go, ma’am.”
She took it gingerly, bringing it up to her nose and inhaling. I watched her with confusion
as her nose wrinkled. “This isn’t made right,” she said rudely, thrusting it out toward me
with so much force she nearly spilled it. My eyes widened with shock and the room grew
quiet instantly, everyone’s attention focusing directly on me. I blushed in embarrassment
and reached out, taking the glass from her.
“I, uh… I’m sorry,” I said instinctively, not knowing what else to say. I went to turn around
and walk out, feeling sick, but nearly collided with Esme. She grabbed the glass from my
hand and brought it up to her own nose, inhaling.
“I must be losing my touch,” Esme said. “Here I thought I made it perfectly, but I must’ve
made a mistake.”
The lady glanced between Esme and me with irritation. “I must’ve been mistaken,” she
said, holding her hand out. Esme handed the glass back to her and she took it, bringing it
up to her lips and taking a sip. “Perfect as usual, Esme.”
Esme smirked, nodding. “I thought so. We all make mistakes,” she said, a hint of
amusement to her voice. She glanced at me briefly before walking over to a chair across the
room and sitting down in it. Alec, who had been standing off to the side, made his way over
to Esme and sat down on the arm of the chair beside her. She glanced up at him, smiling,
and the corner of his lips turned up as he looked at her. His expression softened as he eyed
his wife, and for the first time ever he appeared almost happy.
I turned and walked over to where Edward was sitting, handing the cherry coke to him. He
smiled softly and took it, grabbing my arm. My eyes widened with shock as he pulled me
down into his lap, wrapping an arm around me protectively. The lady with Aro had been
taking a drink but choked on it, coughing and sputtering for a moment as she eyed us. She
stared at us with shock, her eyes shifting over toward Carlisle. The corner of her lips turned
up in amusement and she let out a light bitter laugh, her eyes coming back to Edward and
me. She shook her head and muttered something I couldn’t make out, but Dr. Cullen
must’ve heard her because his head snapped in her direction, anger flashing across his face.
“Sulpicia,” Aro said firmly, his voice low. “Siete ben consapevoli che non se ne parla.”
(You’re well aware we don’t speak about that.)
She held her hand up, still looking amused. An almost evil grin formed on her lips, rubbing
me the wrong way and making my anxiety increase. I didn’t know the woman, but it was
clear she wasn’t very kind. “My lips are sealed,” she said, shaking her head. My brow
furrowed in confusion and I looked at Edward who appeared just as confused about the
exchange as I was. I glanced over at Dr. Cullen, the intense anger radiating from him, but I
could tell he was trying to fight it back. It must’ve been something very bad to upset him so
much and I hoped it wasn’t anything I had done wrong.
Edward pulled me back into him, leaning his head toward me. “Don’t you ever apologize
for something you didn’t do again. You’re better than that, you hear me?” he said quietly,
only loud enough for me to hear. I nodded and he sighed, bringing the glass I’d given him
up to his lips. He took a drink, appearing surprised. “Look at you, spiking my drink and
shit. You are much too fucking good to me, baby.”
I smiled and blushed, causing him to chuckle. “So, Edward,” Aro’s voice rang out. Edward
and I glanced over at him at once. He was looking at us with surprise and I realized it was
because Edward was treating me so affectionately. I immediately recognized that it must’ve
been odd to them, seeing him acting in such a way toward me. I was the help, after all, and
I wondered if they’d be okay with it. Aro didn’t appear disgusted or angry in any way,
thankfully. He just appeared surprised.
“Yeah?” Edward said, sitting his drink down.
“I’m afraid we won’t be able to stay very long. My wife and I have a flight out of Seattle
tonight for a short vacation in California, but I wanted to come by and wish my Godson a
happy birthday,” he said cheerfully.
“I appreciate it. I wasn’t expecting to see you so it was a Hell of a surprise,” Edward said.
Aro nodded.
“Yes, well, it’s not every day my Godson turns eighteen,” he said. I felt Edward tense up as
Aro continued. “This is a big deal.”
Edward cleared his throat, squirming in his seat some and shifting me around. I considered
getting up, wondering if he was uncomfortable, but he was gripping onto me so tightly I
doubted it was even possible. “Doesn’t really feel that way,” he said, shrugging his
shoulders. “I feel no different today than I did yesterday.”
Aro laughed, the sound sending a chill down my spine. “Oh, but it is different. You’re an
adult now, Edward. You’re free to make your own decisions, follow the path of your
choosing. That, my dear boy, is a big deal,” he said. He paused before laughing once more.
“And I’m sure that trust fund you acquired at midnight doesn’t hurt.”
My brow furrowed in confusion and I glanced at Edward, seeing a soft smile on his lips.
“Yeah, the money’s nice,” he said quietly. Aro’s smile grew as he nodded.
“Speaking of which, I know you now have enough money to buy whatever your heart
desires so gifts are essentially unnecessary, but I wanted to get you a little something
anyway,” he said. He stood up and held his hand out to the woman with him, whom I
realized must be his wife. She reached into her purse and pulled out a small box with a red
bow on it, handing it to Aro. He walked over toward us, handing it to Edward.
“Uh, thanks,” Edward said, taking the gift. He pulled the bow off and opened the lid of the
box, freezing as he glanced down into it. He reached into the box after a moment and
pulled out a silver watch, eyeing it intently. A look of surprise crossed his face as he stared
at it. “A fucking Rolex?”
Aro nodded. “Yes. And I assure you it’s authentic, none of those cheap knock offs from the
streets of Chicago. I figured you’d like it.”
Edward nodded, appearing slightly stunned. He took the watch off he was wearing and
handed it to me, slipping on the new one. He glanced down at the black face, sighing. “Shit,
thank you. I’ve always wanted one of these.”
Aro’s smile brightened. “You’re very welcome,” he said, sounding quite pleased with
himself. “So, tell me, Edward. Have you got plans this summer?”
Edward’s grip on me tightened and I winced. “I, uh… I don’t know really. I’ve got football
camp for a week coming up. We’ll probably spend the summer just hanging out before my
brothers leave.”
“And after summer’s over?” he asked. Edward shrugged.
“I’m sure senior year of high school will be kicking my ass for awhile,” he said. Aro raised
his eyebrows questioningly.
“And after you graduate?” he asked. Edward remained silent for a moment, his muscles
taut.
“College, I guess,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t know where, haven’t given it much thought.
Maybe somewhere warm and not as fucking wet as Forks.”
Aro’s smile diminished quickly as he nodded, anger briefly flashing across his face. I
realized he’d just gathered that Edward had no intention of joining the organization and he
wasn’t very happy about that fact. It was clear they’d been right… Aro had definitely been
counting on taking Edward under his wing.
“Wonderful,” he said with forced cheerfulness, staring at Edward briefly before looking
over toward Dr. Cullen. I glanced at him myself, noticing he was staring at Edward. Aro
watched Dr. Cullen as if he was expecting him to speak up, but Dr. Cullen didn’t say a word.
The room remained silent for a moment, the atmosphere tense, before Aro cleared his
throat.
“And what of the girl,” he said, shifting his eyes toward me. I tensed up, my eyes widening
as the focus moved in my direction. I wasn’t sure what he meant by it, but I didn’t like
being the center of attention.
“What about her?” Edward asked with a hard edge to his voice. Like me, he was clearly not
fond of the shift in conversation.
“I’m just curious as to what your family intended to do with her, that’s all,” Aro said. “I
mean, I gather given your, uh, situation, you don’t plan to allow her to be left behind or
given away.”
Edward’s eyes narrowed, his temper flaring. “Of course not,” he said pointedly. “She’s not
going any fucking where.”
I heard Dr. Cullen sigh loudly and glanced over at him. He eyed me curiously for a moment
before turning to look at Aro. “I’ve been weaning her into the outside world in hopes that
she could someday join it,” he said cautiously, his words stunning me. He seemed to choose
his words carefully, which reminded me of what Edward had said upstairs about Aro
having a say in major decisions.
Aro remained quiet, his stare intense and making me nervous. My heart was pounding
rapidly, my body starting to tremble. “I’m not entirely sure that’s wise,” Aro said finally,
still staring at me. He appeared quite displeased, the conversation obviously not going as
he’d anticipated. “She must know quite a bit, living in the Swan’s home since birth and now
being here. You know it’s dangerous freeing a slave. She could do a lot of damage by simply
opening her mouth. Can we be sure anything she’s seen or heard won’t be disclosed to
anyone?”
Dr. Cullen glanced over at me briefly before nodding. “Yes,” he said. “I’ll vouch for her.”
Aro laughed dryly. “I’m sure you would, Carlisle, but I’m afraid your judgment is clouded
when it comes to this. After what happened with… well… you know… I’m unsure if your
opinion can be entirely taken at face value.”
“It’s not the same,” Dr. Cullen said quickly. “This has nothing to do with that.”
“This has everything to do with that, Carlisle,” Aro said sharply. “You know the dangers and
risks. You can’t just set her loose and hope for the best without someone taking
responsibility for her and I’m just not entirely sure that’s something you’re capable of.”
His irritation stunned me, sending dread through me. It sickened me that my fate was
being discussed right in front of me, as if I weren’t even there, and I was shocked that Dr.
Cullen had intended to just free me. Why had he spent so much money buying me if he was
merely going to let me go? Had that been his intention all along, or was he just doing it
because of Edward?
“I’ll do it,” Edward said. “If you want someone to take responsibility for her, I will.” I
wondered exactly what that meant as Aro shook his head in response.
“You know you can’t do that, boy. You’re not Borgata, you can’t vouch for her,” he said,
looking back at me. “I’m just not entirely positive that’s the right course of action. No
offense.”
Edward groaned and Dr. Cullen spoke once more, but Aro cut him off. Dr. Cullen was
trying to persuade him that it would be fine but Aro was insistent that he just wasn’t sure
about it. They seemed to be at an impasse when another voice chimed in, quiet but forceful.
“I’ll do it.”
Aro and Dr. Cullen both stopped talking immediately, everyone’s attention focusing across
the room where Alec sat beside his wife. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was
staring at me, his gaze intense.
“What?” Aro asked with surprise. Alec stared at me for a moment longer before glancing
over at Aro.
“You need someone to take responsibility for her so I’ll do it. I’ll vouch for her,” he said.
Aro blinked a few times, appearing stunned, before nodding.
“Okay,” he said hesitantly, turning his head to look at me. “She’s still young but when the
time comes I suppose it shouldn’t be a problem in that case.”
“That’s settled then,” Alec said simply. He turned his head to look at me, his gaze intense
once more. Esme shifted in her chair beside him and I glanced at her, meeting her eyes.
Her lips turned upward into a smile, her face etched with pride.
The rest of the afternoon was slightly tense, and Aro kept giving both Edward and me
peculiar looks. He was definitely not happy about the situation and I realized it was
because he saw me as a complication. Before I’d come along, Edward had been on a path
sending him directly to Chicago, but now Edward seemed prepared to go anywhere but
there. Had that really been my doing?
Edward didn’t seem very comfortable with his company, as he kept fidgeting and fingering
his hair every chance he got. Emmett and Jasper came back down with Rosalie and Alice
eventually, and Dr. Cullen sent them out to grab pizzas for lunch. We ate and cut the cake
when we were done, everyone taking a piece except for Dr. Cullen. I wasn’t sure what his
problem was with Italian Cream Cake but every mention of it seemed to irritate him.
Aro and his wife departed around four in the evening, needing to return to Seattle to catch
a plane to California. I was in the kitchen starting to make Edward’s favorite meal for
dinner when Aro pulled Edward off to the side in the foyer to speak to him. I couldn’t hear
what they were saying but Edward was listening intently to him, looking quite tense. After
they departed Edward strolled into the kitchen, walking up behind me and wrapping his
arms around me. He leaned down and pressed a warm kiss on the nape of my neck,
sighing.
“I’m glad that’s over,” he murmured. I nodded and he let go of me, making himself a drink
of orange juice with some liquor in it while I cooked. He sat down on the counter as he
usually did, watching me and sipping his drink.
“What did he say to you when he was leaving?” I asked, glancing over at him. He shrugged
and tipped his drink back, gulping down the rest of it.
“Same usual bullshit he says. Told me to consider coming out and visiting him this
summer,” he said.
“Really?” I asked. “Are you, uh… are you going to?”
He shrugged again, hopping down from the counter and fixing himself another drink.
“Honestly, I couldn’t care less about Chicago right now.”
I nodded, slightly relieved at that answer. I was already worried about spending a week
away from him when he went to his football camp in Seattle, so I couldn’t imagine him
flying across the country and leaving me behind.
I finished up dinner and we all sat down to eat together, the atmosphere in the house a lot
more relaxed with Aro and his wife gone. I still wasn’t completely comfortable, as I could
sense Alec’s eyes on me throughout the meal, but I endured it.
After dinner Edward opened up the presents from the family. I felt horrible, having not had
a way to get him anything, and watched wistfully as others gave him gifts. Afterwards, they
put on one of the movie’s Edward had received as a gift and chatted casually during it, but I
couldn’t focus on the television or the conversation. My mind was stuck on thoughts of the
day’s events and the things that had been said, furiously trying to absorb everything and
make sense of it. They really planned to free me? What did that mean for me? What was I
going to do, where was I going to go? Was it really that simple? Someone vouches for me,
whatever that means, and then I can just go? All of those thoughts I’d had sitting in the
auditorium of Forks High School came flooding back to me, all of the hopes and dreams
and possibilities for my future. I’d been able to picture it but now I could almost feel it. A
real life, for me?
About halfway through the movie I leaned over and told Edward I was heading upstairs,
wanting a moment alone, as I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. He offered to go up with me
but I told him to stay and finish his movie, because it was his birthday and he deserved to
spend it doing something he enjoyed. I headed up to the bedroom and stripped out of my
clothes, putting on a pair of shorts and one of Edward’s T-shirts. I climbed into the bed,
pulling the blanket up over me and snuggling into Edward’s pillow. I wasn’t sure why I was
feeling so edgy and emotional, but something about the silence and the smell of Edward’s
scent in the bed was comforting. I snuggled into the bed as tears streamed from the corner
of my eyes.
I drifted off into sleep after awhile, exhausted from having not slept much the night before,
and was woken sometime later by the bed shifting. I opened my eyes and blinked a few
times, trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness in the room. The blanket was pulled after a
second and Edward slid in beside me, snuggling up close to me.
“Hey, tesoro,” he whispered softly, his voice smooth and soothing.
“Hey,” I croaked out, my voice thick with sleep. I cleared my throat, trying to get the
hoarseness out. “What time is it?”
“A few minutes past midnight. Alice and Rose just left,” he said. I nodded, sighing, and
snuggled up close to him. He was warm and smelled like a mixture of cologne and alcohol
and smoke, so it was clear to me they’d been getting inebriated. It didn’t bother me though,
as Edward now seemed to only do it in moderation. “We just chilled and got fucked up and
watched Scarface.”
“That’s nice,” I murmured, comforted by his presence. I had no idea exactly what Scarface
was, but it sounded like a horror movie. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me and
pulling me onto his chest.
“Are you feeling okay, Bella?” he asked softly, his hand stroking my back gently. I hummed
in response, nodding against him.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get you anything for your birthday,” I murmured. He groaned.
“You gave me you, Isabella. That’s all I need. I got half of my trust fund this morning. I
don’t need material shit from you, I can get it myself,” he said.
“How much is your trust fund?” I asked curiously, still groggy. He chuckled.
“In total? A couple million. I got half of it this morning and I’ll get the other half in three
years when I turn 21,” he said.
“Wow,” I said, shocked. I knew he had a trust fund, as he’d mentioned it while musing over
us running away months ago, but I had no idea it was so much.
“Yeah it’s what my grandfather left us when he died,” he said, yawning. “It’s just money, it
doesn’t really matter, but it’s enough for me and you to live on and be able to do whatever
we want to do.”
“Really?” I asked with surprise. “I mean, did they really mean that stuff about freeing me?”
Edward hummed in response, pulling me closer to him. He buried his face in my hair, his
chest expanding as he took a deep breath. “Yes, Bella. They meant it.”
I blinked a few times as my eyes welled up with tears, the confirmation sending my
emotions surging again. “It’s really that easy?”
He sighed. “I wouldn’t call it easy. Getting someone to vouch for you may have been easy
but the hard part is ahead of us.”
I nodded against his chest. “But I’ll be… free?” I asked hesitantly. He hummed again,
squeezing me tightly.
“Yes, tesoro, you’ll be free. Free to do whatever you want in life. Free to go to school, and
marry me, and make a shitload of babies if that’s what you want. Free to leave my ass, too,
if you’d rather do that,” he added with a laugh. My eyes widened with shock and I sat up,
shaking my head quickly.
“I’ll never leave you,” I said forcefully, stunned he’d even think that. He sighed and pulled
himself up onto his elbows, eyeing me in the darkness.
“That’s good to hear, amore,” he said seriously, leaning forward and kissing my lips softly.
He pulled me back down into his arms, snuggling up under the blanket. “I’m just saying it’s
your choice.”
We both remained quiet for awhile and I started drifting back off to sleep. “Edward?” I
mumbled curiously after a moment. He hummed in response, sounding half-asleep. “What
does it mean when someone vouches for you?”
He sighed and remained quiet for a bit, sleep nearly taking me under as I figured he wasn’t
coherent enough to answer. But he finally spoke, his voice barely loud enough for me to
hear.
“It means they guarantee your loyalty. If you fuck up they pay for it. Slaves aren’t the only
ones who pay for other’s mistakes, Bella. Alec just swore that if you made a mistake, he’d
pay for it with his life.”
*****
Siete ben consapevoli che non se ne parla. = You’re well aware we don’t speak about that.
Chapter 57 The Nature of Men
“Men's natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them” -- Confucius
I groaned and pulled myself up onto my elbows to look at Isabella. I was a bit intoxicated,
there was no fucking denying that fact, and wanted nothing more than to close my
motherfucking eyes and go to sleep. But she was sitting there staring at me with that
shocked expression on her face, and I knew there was no way to avoid talking about this. I
wondered briefly if maybe I should’ve lied to her or ignored her when she asked me what it
meant when someone vouched for you, but I was tired of keeping secrets from her,
especially if I didn’t have to. I kept enough from her as it was--couldn’t fucking tell her
what my mother had done--and didn’t want to have to hide anything else. She had a right
to know what he’d just done for her and in my drunken state I thought maybe it would
make her feel secure or protected.
I should’ve fucking known better. I should’ve known it would just panic her.
“He can’t do that, Edward,” she repeated for like the fiftieth goddamn time in five minutes.
“He can and he did, Bella,” I said. She shook her head quickly.
“But he has to take it back! He can’t do that… he can’t pay for my mistakes,” she said, her
voice thick with emotion. I could tell she was trying hard to fight back tears and felt guilty
knowing if I would’ve kept my goddamn mouth shut she wouldn’t be on the verge of tears. I
knew how she felt about people paying for her mistakes; she had made it clear to me before
that it was one of the things she feared happening most.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, unsure of how to explain this to her so she’d calm
down. “What mistakes, Bella?” I asked finally. Her brow furrowed and she stared at me
with confusion. “What mistakes do you plan on making that he’d have to ever pay for?
Because what they call a mistake and what you call a mistake are two different things. He’s
not going to get into trouble if you accidentally break a glass or burn the goddamn dinner.
They don’t care about that shit, so I don’t know why you’re panicking about it.”
“What do they call a mistake?” she asked. I sighed again and shrugged.
“They’re not so much mistakes as they are life choices, I guess. People ratting them out is
their biggest concern so unless you plan to go to the police and tell them you were a slave to
the mafia I don’t see what the big fucking deal is about this,” I said.
“I’d never do that,” she said quickly. “I’d never tell anyone.”
I nodded. “I know that and you know that. Hell, we all fucking know it. But someone has to
vouch for you regardless, kinda like a security deposit or collateral or whatever. Someone
has to take responsibility in case we’re all fucking wrong,” I said. I didn’t doubt her loyalty
at all but it was just the way things were. She sat there quietly for a moment, seeming to
absorb what I said. I understood it was probably startling to her, having my uncle take a
stand for her, and it probably felt like another burden she had to carry, but it was really the
opposite. It was a big goddamn weight off of our shoulders, if anything.
“I don’t…” she started, sighing. She paused and took a deep breath, shaking her head. “I
don’t get why. I don’t understand why he’d do that for me.”
A tear slid down her cheek as she lost her fight to hold them back. I reached my hand out to
brush it away with my fingertips, my heart aching at the sight. I hated when she fucking
cried. “Somebody had to do it, Bella. It was either him or me,” I said quietly. Her brow
furrowed.
“But he said you couldn’t because you weren’t one of them,” she said hesitantly. I nodded,
brushing away another tear that had slipped through.
“Exactly. Look, my Godfather is a smart man. He’s manipulative and conniving--he has to
be that way to maintain the position he holds. He knew exactly what he was doing down
there. He came here for a reason today, Bella, and I shut him down. I told you earlier that I
was worried about what he’d do and how it could affect you and I meant that shit. Aro
wasn’t getting what he wanted so he tried to use everything he could find to influence the
outcome. It’s really fucking wrong, but he knew using you would be the only way to get to
me,” I said, shaking my head. My father and Alec had warned me of that possibility when I
went to speak to them about Aro’s visit. They told me not to jump to any fucking
conclusions or freak out and open my goddamn mouth and agree to commit myself to
anything, no matter what Aro said or used as bait. They assured me they’d handle it and I
knew I had no choice but to trust them.
It hadn’t fucking been easy to keep my mouth shut when they sat in front of me bickering
about what the fuck was going to come of my girl, but I did it regardless. I knew opening it
would just dig all of us in deeper because that was exactly what Aro wanted.
“He tried to use me to get you to join,” she said quietly after what I had just explained to
her seemed to sink in.
“Yes. Look, he knows how I feel about you; he’s known it since they visited last time. I
considered playing hard and keeping my distance from you while he was here so maybe he
wouldn’t do that shit, but Alec told me it was pointless. Aro lectured me last time on
learning to balance my love for you with my commitment to my family. He just realized I
ignored every fucking thing he’d said and let my heart win, family be damned, so he used
that to try to manipulate me into changing direction.” I paused, sighing.
“Aro knew damn well what my father planned to do with you, he knew that shit from day
one, and he wouldn’t let my father vouch for you because it would be too fucking easy. He
figured he could strong arm me into joining, knowing I’d do it to secure your freedom if I
had to, but he didn’t take into account the fact that Alec would speak up for you,” I said. I
was surprised he’d do that shit myself, as Alec wasn’t one to take a stand for someone else,
so I couldn’t even begin to imagine how fucking shocked Aro was about it all.
She sat quietly for a moment, the tears continuing to slip down her cheek. I wiped them
away and just gazed at her, staying quiet and giving her time to come to terms with it. “I
just don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me,” she said softly.
“I know,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about Alec. He knows what he’s doing. If he
weren’t sure this was the way to go, he wouldn’t have done it. You may not trust them,
Bella, but you gotta trust me when I say this is the only way, baby. It’s the only way we can
be together, the only way you can be free. It’ll be fine.”
She stared at me and I hoped like Hell what I was saying was sinking in and making sense.
I had no idea how the slavery bullshit worked, and before today was clueless as to how they
went about freeing one. I just assumed she could walk away but I was more fucking naïve
about it all than I had originally thought. When I’d gone to speak to my father and Alec,
they explained to me that because they could be liabilities, it wasn’t commonplace to let a
slave go. They saw shit they shouldn’t see, and heard shit they shouldn’t hear, and the only
way one could walk away after residing in a mafia household was if a Mafioso was willing to
stand up and assure their loyalty.
Vouching for someone was essentially taking the goddamn Omertà oath all over again-- but
swearing someone else’s loyalty--and no one who understood the depth of that promise
took it lightly. Violations meant death and there was no way to truly guarantee the slaves
wouldn’t backstab you once they were free. It took a lot of fucking trust and those
motherfuckers didn’t trust anyone, so a slave had to be really goddamn important for one
of the Borgata to stand up for them. I wasn’t sure what Alec’s true motives were and who
exactly he was doing it for, but I was grateful none-the-less.
I wished Isabella could understand exactly how big of a fucking deal it was, how much my
family had sacrificed and continued to sacrifice for her so she’d know exactly how special
she was… that she was fucking worth it, but I was afraid telling her would backfire and
make her feel guilty. She was gaining confidence and self-worth like fucking crazy and
explaining what people were putting on the line for her could kill every ounce of progress
she had made. I didn’t want her to feel pressured or think perfection was expected, because
it wasn’t, but I knew her well enough to know how she’d see it. She would feel like she had
to bust her ass to live up to expectations and would never fucking understand that the only
expectation we had was for her to fucking be happy and really live.
“I trust you,” she said finally, her voice quiet and full of emotion. I sighed, partially relieved
that she wasn’t going to press me for more of an explanation. I reached over and wrapped
my arms around her, pulling her down into the bed. I grabbed the blanket and covered us
up, trying to relax. My eyes were burning from exhaustion and my head was starting to
pound from thinking too goddamn much. I just wanted to sleep and forget about all of the
bullshit for a while.
“Good, I’m glad you trust me,” I said, yawning in the middle of my statement so everything
came out jumbled. Isabella laughed lightly and I chuckled, squeezing her tightly. “Let’s get
some sleep, tesoro. I’m fucking exhausted.”
“Okay,” she said softly, snuggling into my arms. I closed my eyes, reveling in her warmth,
sleep creeping up on me quickly. “I love you, Edward,” she whispered after a moment, her
voice barely audible. I hummed in response.
“Love you,” I mumbled before drifting into unconsciousness.
I opened my eyes much later to a brightened room and blinked a few times, glancing
around. I sat up and looked over at the alarm clock on the table, stunned when I saw it was
nearly noon already. I was groggy and felt slightly in a fog, my head pounding feverishly. I
sat there for a moment, trying to clear my mind and wake up, feeling off for some reason. I
realized after a moment that it was the second day in a row I went to sleep with my girl in
my arms only to wake up alone. It was almost becoming a habit and I didn’t fucking like it
one bit.
I dragged myself out of bed and strolled into the bathroom to take a quick shower. I
climbed out after washing the sweat and grime off of me, brushing my teeth and gazing at
myself in the mirror. I looked drained and desperately needed a fucking haircut but
otherwise I still looked like the same old Edward Cullen. Same green eyes, same red hair,
same smile. Same me I’d seen every day for years, but I didn’t feel like the same person
anymore. It wasn’t because I was older or that I felt wiser or any of that other bullshit. It
was because of her that I felt different. I felt complete, like that missing piece was finally
there and I was whole again.
I had no idea where the fuck she was at that moment, but I knew she wasn’t far and that
fact alone soothed me. I felt like a pansy ass motherfucker admitting it, but she had tamed
me. Before she came into my life, I’d always said I would choose lust over love any day of
the week, but I was taking that shit back. After finding love with my Bella, I would choose it
in a fucking heartbeat over any of those unattached flings.
I sighed and walked into the bedroom, grabbing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and throwing
them on. I put on my Rolex, which I had to admit was quite a fucking nice gift, and headed
out of the bedroom and down the hallway toward the stairs. I was about to go down to the
second floor when something caught my eye and I noticed the door to the library was
cracked open. I hesitated before heading toward it, pushing it open quietly and looking
inside. I smiled when I saw her standing across the room scanning a row of books, her
fingertips grazing across the spines as she read the titles.
I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the doorway, just watching her for a
moment. She seemed entranced in this room, always seemed so relaxed and content
around books. I was curious if it was something natural with her or if it was a product of
her upbringing. I wondered if books fascinated her because she’d never had access to them
before, or if she was just born a fucking bookworm.
She pulled a brown leather book off of the shelf, her brow furrowing as she studied the
front cover intently. I chuckled at her expression and her eyes snapped in my direction, a
look of surprise on her face. She smiled when she saw me and blushed. “I didn’t hear you
come in,” she said. I shrugged, still watching her.
“You aren’t the only one who knows how to be quiet,” I said. She smiled.
“Hmmm… well, maybe we should get you a bell, Edward,” she said playfully, turning and
replacing the book on the shelf. I laughed and shook my head, remembering when I told
her that shit her first day with us when she snuck up on me in the kitchen.
“Yeah, well, at least I don’t almost give you fucking heart attacks,” I said. “You used to
startle the hell out of me. I thought for sure my heart was going to stop a few times.”
She turned to look at me, raising her eyebrows. “Don’t be so sure about that,” she said.
“You make my heart race every time you come near me. I often wonder if it’s going to give
out on me from over exertion.”
I laughed and shook my head, pushing away from the doorway. I strolled over to where she
was standing, glad she seemed to be in a good mood this morning. I’d been worried about
how she was going to act after our conversation last night, but I was happy to see she
seemed to have come to terms with it. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned my head
down, pressing my mouth to hers. She parted her lips and I kissed her passionately, our
tongues mingling together in harmony. I pulled back after a moment, nipping at her
bottom lip gently. Her breathing was slightly labored as she gazed at me wide-eyed. “How’s
the heart?” I asked quietly, reaching my hand out and pressing my palm against her chest.
She smiled and blinked a few times, getting herself back under control.
“Feels like it’s going to explode,” she said. I chuckled and placed another soft kiss on her
lips.
“It won’t,” I said. “It’s strong; it’s not going to give out on you. It’s not going to break.”
Her playful smile fell, a serious expression taking over her face. “Promise?” she asked
softly, raising her eyebrows questioningly as she brought her bottom lip into her mouth to
chew on it. I stared at her for a moment, confused by her sudden shift in demeanor, when it
struck me what the hell I’d just said.
I had told her that her heart wouldn’t get broken.
“Promise,” I said, reaching up and running my pointer finger across her lips. She let go of
her bottom lip and smiled. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure it continues to beat,
tesoro.”
She nodded. “Good.”. I sighed and glanced around.
“So whatcha doing in the library?” I asked. She shrugged.
“I was looking for something to read. I felt like I should learn something,” she said. I
chuckled, a bit surprise by her response.
“I get out of school for the summer and you decide it’s time to learn something?” I asked.
“That’s kind of backwards, babe.” She smiled sheepishly.
“I know, it’s just… I don’t know,” she said, blushing. “I thought I should learn stuff. If I’m
going to be free I probably shouldn’t be stupid.” I sighed and shook my head, realizing she
was embarrassed. I didn’t like her putting herself down and underestimating herself like
that.
“You aren’t stupid, Isabella. I don’t wanna hear you say that shit. You blow me away with
how naturally intelligent you are. Not everyone can watch an episode of Jeopardy and
recite back every fucking thing they heard on it. In fact, very few people can do that.
Jasper’s been watching Jeopardy religiously for years and he hasn’t retained a goddamn
thing from it,” I said. She looked at me with disbelief and I laughed. “I mean it. There’s
nothing wrong with learning, though. If you wanna learn I’m all for it. Actually, you know
what? I have an idea.”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her from the library, over toward the steps. She didn’t resist
and followed along behind me down to the second floor. I walked over to my father’s office
door and reached for the knob, hesitating. I paused before bringing my hand up and
tapping on the door. It was pulled open after a moment and Alec looked at me with
surprise, his eyes drifting over toward Isabella.
He stepped to the side after a second and nodded his head, silently telling us to enter. I
could feel Isabella stiffen up as we walked inside the room and Alec shut the door behind
us. She sat down in the chair and glanced at me nervously, obviously confused as to what
the fuck we were doing. I sat down on the arm of the chair as Alec walked over to the other
side of the room, gazing out of the small window.
“Do you need something, son?” my father asked curiously from behind his desk. He had his
laptop open in front of him and his fingers stilled on the keys as he eyed me.
I shrugged. “I was just wondering how difficult it would be to get her a GED,” I said,
nodding my head toward Isabella. His eyes widened with surprise at my request.
“Now?” he asked curiously. I sighed, shrugging again.
“Yes. Well, I mean, not right this goddamn minute, but soon,” I said. He nodded and
reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He shifted his gaze to Isabella after a moment
and I glanced over at her, seeing a confused expression on her face. I was about to explain
to her what a fucking GED was because it was clear she had absolutely no clue what I was
getting her into, but before I could my father spoke again.
“I guess it depends on what exactly you want it for,” he said. “I mean, we could easily have
one produced for her but it might not pass a strict vetting process.” I shook my head.
“I know you could have one made, but that’s pointless. I’m talking about her earning it,” I
said. What was the goddamn point in getting her a GED if she didn’t fucking learn anything
from doing so?
“Oh,” he said, turning to glance at Alec. “I guess it wouldn’t be very difficult. She has a
driver’s license that I got from Charles with her name and photo on it and that’s all they ask
for in order to show proof of identity. They’re quite lenient with GED’s, no birth certificates
or social security numbers are actually necessary. They may ask for her social security
number but she can refuse to disclose it, and they’d still have to allow her to test. All you’d
really have to do is make sure she’s ready and then take her to test.”
“Seriously?” I asked, quite surprised that it was that fucking easy. I figured we would have
to jump through some goddamn hoops or something. He nodded and I smirked. “Well
fuck, I wish I would’ve known that sooner.”
“Don’t even get any ideas,” he said pointedly, cutting me off. “You made it this far, you can
finish going to school. She couldn’t go to high school, it was much too late for that, but
there’s no reason she can’t test for a GED if she wants one.”
We all turned to look at Isabella and she glanced between us with confusion. “GED?” she
asked hesitantly. I sighed, nodding.
“Stands for General Education Diploma… or maybe it’s General Equivalency Diploma… I
don’t fucking know,” I said. Alec laughed, gaining all of our attention.
“General Education Development,” he said. “That’s what GED stands for. Passing the GED
test gives you a high school equivalency diploma.”
I nodded, not truly giving a fuck what the goddamn letters stood for because it all meant
the same thing, and glanced back over at Isabella. She was staring straight ahead with
disbelief. “Diploma?” she asked after a moment, glancing around at us again.
“Yeah, a diploma. It’s really just a piece of paper and it probably doesn’t pull as much
weight as the ones Jasper and Emmett just got, but it means about the same in my
opinion,” I said, shrugging. “It means you know enough to technically complete high school
and you can get in to some colleges with it.”
Her eyes widened with shock. “Really?” she asked. I nodded. “And I can… get one of those?
A GED?”
I nodded again. “Yes,” I said.
“If you want one, that is,” my father chimed in. “The decision is yours to make, Isabella.”
Her eyes widened even more at my father’s words and I saw them glass over almost
instantly. She blinked a few times, trying to fight back her tears. I realized in that moment
how big of a fucking deal this was to her. My father, the man who she saw as a master, the
motherfucker who controlled her life, just told her she could make a decision as to whether
or not to get educated. She turned her head to look at him and opened her mouth, but no
sound came out. She cleared her throat after a second and just nodded, bringing her hand
up to cover her mouth. She looked completely stunned, almost in a fucking daze. My father
stared at her briefly before nodding himself.
“Well, I suppose that’s settled then. I’m sure you can find her some practice work online to
prepare her, and whenever she’s ready you can take her to test. Anything more than that
and you’ll have to wait for the proper documents. It’ll take time to procure a birth
certificate or social security number for her,” he said, turning his attention back to his
laptop.
He started typing and it was clear that the conversation was over. I mumbled thanks and
held my hand out to Isabella. She hesitated but took it, standing up. She eyed my father
curiously before glancing over at Alec. She looked like she was going to say something but
simply sighed after a moment, turning away from them both. I opened the door and was
about to lead her out of the room when Alec called my name.
“Edward,” he said. ”I’d like a moment with you, if you don’t mind.”
I paused and glanced at Isabella before nodding. She stepped out into the hallway and I
turned back around, shutting the office door once more.
“What?” I asked hesitantly, unsure of what the fuck he wanted. He sighed and walked over
toward me, my body tensing up when he reached out to grab my arm. He pulled the Rolex
off of my wrist, his eyes lingering on the tattoo written across my skin.
“Fiducia Nessuno,” he murmured. “Trust no one. For someone who believed that enough to
permanently mark his skin with it, you’re quite gullible.”
My brow furrowed in confusion as my temper flared, and I opened my mouth to tell him to
fuck off because I wasn’t goddamn gullible when he reached into his pocket and pulled out
a knife. He turned the watch over and pulled the back off of it quickly, glancing down at the
inside of it.
“What the Hell?” I asked as he took the tip of the knife and pried something out of it. It was
fucking tiny and sat on the tip of his finger. He handed it out to my father, who took it and
eyed it curiously as Alec put the watch back together. He held the Rolex out to me once it
was back intact and I took it from him carefully, watching them with confusion.
“GPS,” my father said, eyeing the small piece. My eyes widened in shock.
“What?” I said. He glanced up at me and sighed, shaking his head.
“Your watch had a GPS device in it,” he said.
“That motherfucker chipped me?” I snapped, fucking stunned. My father nodded. ”Why the
Hell would he do that?”
Alec laughed bitterly. “To keep tabs on you. Desperate times call for desperate measures.” I
stared at him with shock and he shook his head, muttering to himself. “So naïve. Fiducia
Nessuno.”
“You can go now, Edward,” my father said with frustration. I slipped my watch in my
pocket, not even wanting to put the motherfucker on after all that, and ran my hand
through my hair.
“This is all fucked up,” I muttered to myself, turning and opening the office door. I stepped
out in the hallway and shut the door behind me, sighing. I caught sight of Isabella off to the
side and was about to say something to her when she flung herself at me, nearly knocking
me over. I stumbled a few steps backwards as her form made contact with mine but
managed to keep my balance. She threw her arms around my neck and leapt up, wrapping
her legs around my waist and clinging to me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her,
holding on to her so she didn’t fucking fall, and started laughing. I was stunned, completely
caught off guard, and utterly fucking confused when I felt her body trembling.
Bella buried her face into my neck and started sobbing, her hands finding their way into my
hair. She held onto me tightly and I was stunned into silence, unable to do anything but
just stand there and hold her. I stroked her back and started shushing her, unsure of what
else to fucking do. She let go of me with her legs after she calmed down a bit, dropping
down to the floor, but she didn’t entirely pull away. She nuzzled into my chest, hugging me.
“Thank you,” she murmured. Her voice was thick with emotion, the sound causing my
heart to ache. I sighed and pulled her face up so she’d look at me. Her eyes were red from
crying, her face blotchy as tears streamed down her cheeks. I brushed some of them away,
not wanting to see her cry for any goddamn reason.
“You shouldn’t thank me,” I said. “You’re the one who has to actually do it, Bella. I just
made the suggestion.”
She nodded, more tears falling from her eyes. “I should thank you… for caring enough to
even make the suggestion.” I sighed.
“Well, you’re welcome for that. You want to learn and there’s no goddamn reason why you
shouldn’t be able to. I can’t promise to be much help but I can try and I’m sure Jasper will
be happy to help you out or whatever.” I’d completely fucking failed at attempting to teach
her shit before and had no idea how to do it now, but she deserved this and there was no
question that I would at least try to help her achieve it. She nodded, a radiant smile
breaking out on her face, and I grinned in response to it, her happiness contagious.
“Wow,” she said simply, still appearing stunned. I stared at her briefly before leaning down
and kissing her softly.
“I’ll get you the stuff later, but for now how about we get some breakfast. Or, uh… lunch?” I
said, pulling my watch out of my pocket and glancing at it. It was damn near one in the
afternoon now.
She agreed and we went downstairs, grabbing some sandwiches from the kitchen. We
settled into the living room in front of the television and my brothers joined us after awhile.
Emmett decided to put in The Godfather, since Isabella had never seen it before, and she
watched it intently, looking quite amused at the fact that Emmett could quote the fucking
thing word-for-word. He had no goddamn real interest in the mafia and frankly wanted
nothing to do with any of it, but that fucker was obsessed with mafia movies.
Esme joined us eventually, laughing and joking around with us about the movie. Part one
ended and Isabella got up, saying she was going to fix us some drinks. I got up and followed
her into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out the cake she had made me for my
birthday. Isabella fixed cherry cokes and smiled as I cut a piece for myself.
“You really like the cake?” she asked. I nodded, grabbing a fork and taking a bite.
“Fuck yeah,” I muttered with a mouthful. She laughed as my brothers walked into the
room, and Emmett dramatically gasped.
“I can’t believe you’re fucking eating without me, bro. That’s foul,” he said, shaking his
head. I shrugged and hopped up on the counter while Emmett cut himself a piece. He
started devouring his piece of cake, moaning and humming and making all sorts of fucking
noises. Isabella laughed at him but I just shook my head.
Esme came in after a moment, followed by my father and Alec. Alec strolled over to stand
beside his wife and my father walked over to the refrigerator, opening it up and grabbing a
soda. He closed the door and turned to look at us, his eyes shifting toward the cake.
“Have you tried this shit, Dad?” Emmett asked with his mouthful. “I remember you used to
love this cake, we used to eat it all the time as kids.”
My father glanced at Emmett, looking quite aggravated. “No,” he said simply. Emmett
nodded and set his now empty plate down, reaching over and cutting another slice of cake.
He grabbed a plate and slapped the piece he’d just cut onto it, holding it out toward my
father.
“You should really try some,” he said while nodding his head toward the plate. “I swear, it’s
melt-in-your-mouth good.”
My father sighed with irritation. “I’d rather not,” he said, eyeing the plate with distaste.
Emmett shrugged.
“Your loss,” he said, grabbing his fork and starting to eat the second slice of cake. “But I tell
you, this is the best Italian Cream cake I’ve ever had.”
“Yeah, it’s good,” I said. I glanced over at Isabella and smirked when I saw she was
blushing.
“She must have a good bit of Italian in her to be able to make it that good,” Jasper said
nonchalantly. I tensed up at his statement and glanced over, noticing my father had the
same reaction. He opened his soda and brought it to his mouth to take a drink and I sighed,
trying to think of something to fucking say to shift the conversation elsewhere. It was clear
my father wasn’t comfortable with the subject for whatever fucking reason, and musing
over her Italian heritage definitely wasn’t a good idea. Before I could take the initiative,
however, Emmett laughed.
“She does have Italian in her, Jazz. She sleeps beside our little bro every night. You know
damn well she has that braggiole in her all the time,” he said jokingly. My eyes widened
with shock at the fact that he’d just basically alluded to Isabella and I fucking, and my
father sputtered and coughed, choking on his drink. Esme snorted, trying to fight back her
amusement, but neither of my brothers bothered holding it back. They both laughed
hysterically and I smirked, noticing even Alec smiled at the joke. I glanced over at Isabella
and saw her glancing around at us in confusion, obviously not understanding because she
had no idea what the fuck that meant. She didn’t know braggiole was an Italian sausage
that was sometimes used as slang to refer to dick. She looked over at me curiously and I
shook my head, silently telling her she didn’t even want to know. That shit would
embarrass her beyond words.
Emmett and Jasper’s laughter died down as my father caught his breath, looking at
Emmett with disapproval. I waited for him to say something to him, slightly nervous as to
how the fuck he was going to react. My father wasn’t stupid and he knew I had sex, he’d
known it for years, so I was quite certain he was aware that she and I were intimate. He
kept up with Isabella’s birth control shot consistently and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised
if he had heard us before. We tried to keep the noise down when people were home but
sometimes we got lost in the moment. In fact, if my father had been home two nights ago
like I now suspected, there was no fucking way he hadn’t heard us.
He shook his head after a moment and simply walked out without saying a word. “I don’t
know about you boys sometimes,” Esme said, still smiling with amusement.
We finished our cake and grabbed our drinks, heading back into the living room. Emmett
put on The Godfather II and Alec joined us, Isabella’s eyes often straying from the movie
and drifting over toward my aunt and uncle. I was curious as to what she was thinking but
didn’t ask, not wanting to put her on the spot. I imagined she was probably feeling very
overwhelmed about the past few days, as it was a lot for me to absorb and I was fucking
used to actually living life. She was still so sheltered, regardless of the great strides she’d
been making and even though she was smart, there was still so much she didn’t know. Just
the simple fact that she didn’t know what a goddamn GED was told me that we still had a
long road ahead of us.
They put in The Godfather III when the second one was finished, and Esme went out to
grab Chinese for dinner. We ate and watched the movie, my father never resurfacing. Alec
and Esme headed upstairs halfway through the movie, and after it was over Emmett and
Jasper disappeared. Isabella headed into the kitchen to wash our cups out and I strolled
into the foyer, hesitating before pulling the piano bench out. I sat down on it and glanced
down at the keys, running my fingers over them lightly. I didn’t press hard enough to make
any sound ring out, just wanted to get a feel for them again.
I placed my fingers on the correct keys after a moment, randomly starting the first few
notes of Isabella’s lullaby. She peeked her head out from the kitchen and stared at me with
shock. I very rarely sat down and played anymore, always getting distracted with other
things.
“You’re playing,” she said with surprise. I nodded and sighed.
“You wanna join me?” I asked, nodding my head toward the bench. She smiled and walked
over, sitting down gingerly beside me. I ran through the song once while she watched me,
winding down the last few notes and glancing over at her. She had tears in her eyes again
and was gazing at me with pure adoration. I leaned over and kissed her tenderly, reaching
up to brush a lone tear away that slipped through.
“You shouldn’t cry so much, tesoro. It’s sad to see,” I murmured. She smiled softly.
“They’re good tears,” she said.
“I’m glad for that but still… you keep crying and you might get dehydrated or some shit,” I
said. She laughed lightly and I smirked, shrugging. “Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck I’m
saying. Why the tears anyway?”
She sighed, reaching over and running her fingertips along my jaw line. “You’re beautiful,”
she whispered. I stared at her with surprise, stunned by her seriousness. She cupped my
cheek with her palm and leaned toward me, her eyes closing. I smiled and closed the rest of
the distance between us, kissing her. She parted her lips and her soft warm tongue came
out, running across my lips gently. I kissed her deeply and she moaned lightly, the sound
sending chills down my spine. She pulled back from my mouth after a moment, taking a
deep breath.
“Damn, amore. What did I do to deserve that?” I asked. She smiled sheepishly, shrugging.
“I love your playing,” she said, glancing down at the piano keys. I smirked.
“You wanna learn?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly. Her eyes widened with
shock.
“Uh, I don’t know…” she started, shaking her head frantically. “I mean, I like it, but I don’t
think… you know… I’m just not sure about it.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “Ah, come on,” I said. “It’s not that hard. We can do something
simple. I think you’ll like it.”
She stared at me and bit her bottom lip nervously. “Uh… okay, I guess,” she said. “I just… I
don’t want to mess up your piano.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re not going to mess it up, Bella. Don’t be silly. I know Jasper told
you not to touch it but you know that’s irrelevant. What’s mine is yours, love. You can
touch it anytime you want.”
She looked at me curiously, a small smile on her lips. “Can I?” she asked playfully. I
smirked, nodding.
“Absolutely,” I said, scooting closer to her. “Anytime, anyplace.”
Her eyes widened with surprise, the blush rising into her cheeks. Yeah, she got the sexual
innuendo in that. I reached over, running my hand up her inner thigh. She laughed and
pushed me playfully as I cupped my hand over her pussy. “Not now, not here,” she said
quietly. I laughed and held my hands up defensively.
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s play us some piano then.”
She was obviously nervous to begin with, her fingers shaking lightly and her lip becoming a
permanent fixture between her teeth. I told her the basics and ran through the bars of
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star twice so she could see how it went. She gave it a try afterwards
and messed up on the third note, but she was persistent. She kept trying, starting over
whenever she hit a wrong note or missed something. I tried to stay patient and not lose my
cool when she forgot what she was doing or fucked up, but it wasn’t that easy for me. I was
proud that she was trying, though, and quite frankly she was doing quite fucking good for a
first-timer, so I fought back my irritation.
It took awhile before she was able to run through the notes without a mistake, and it still
wasn’t in harmony, but the smile on her face made every second of frustration or
impatience worth it. The whole thing was so trivial, because it was probably the easiest
goddamn song in the world to play, but I was proud of her for not giving up and sticking
with it until she succeeded. She tried to play it again immediately afterwards and fucked up
after the first few notes, groaning and stopping.
I ran through the song again while she watched me, glancing over at her and smiling while
I waited for her to try again when a voice rang out behind us.
“Mozart, correct?”
I turned around quickly, startled, and nearly fucking falling off of the piano bench in the
process. Alec looked at me with surprise and I clutched my chest, my heart beating
erratically. Isabella stared at him with shock, her body rigid.
“Jesus Christ, Alec. You fucking scared me!” I snapped. “You can’t sneak up on me like
that, fuck.”
He raised his eyebrows and stared at me, looking slightly amused at my reaction. “You
always were quite unobservant,” he said. “Not a good quality to have. Mozart, correct?”
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that. I mean, he
did a bunch of variations on it.”
He nodded, his eyes shifting over to Isabella. “Lei mi ricorda tua madre.”(She reminds me
of your mother)
I tensed up slightly, caught off guard by his statement. “Che cosa?” (What?)
He sighed. “Isabella è molto simile a tua madre.. Elizabetta non è mai stato molto buono al
pianoforte, sia” (Isabella is a lot like your mother. Elizabeth was never very good at the
piano either.). He paused, sighing. ”If I recall correctly, anyway.”
I nodded, because it was the truth. I used to try to teach her the piano and no matter how
many times we ran through ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’, my mother always messed it up.
She was persistent, though, and always wanted to try to play with me. “Credi davvero che
lei è come mia madre?” I asked, surprised he’d say that. (Do you really think she’s like my
mother?)
“Sì, e lo pensa anche tuo padre,” he said. (Yes, so does your father.) He turned his head to
look at me and I just stared at him, shocked by his statement. She reminded my father of
my mother? “Lei ti rende felice?” (Does she make you happy?)
I nodded, trying to get my thoughts together. “Sì, più felice di quanto non sia mai stato.”
(Yes, happier than I have ever been.). I turned to look at Isabella and saw she was staring
down at the ground, her brow furrowed and a confused expression on her face. I realized
she didn’t understand a damn word of what we were saying and it was probably worrying
her. “I love her.”
She glanced over at me quickly and I smiled. The corner of her lips turned up and she
blushed, looking back away. I looked over at Alec and saw he was watching us curiously.
“Sono felice per te. So che tua madre sarebbe felice anche.” he said after a second. (I’m
happy for you. Your mother would be happy also.) “If you’ll excuse me, I need to grab your
aunt something to drink.”
He walked past us and disappeared into the kitchen before I had a chance to respond. I
turned back to look at the piano again and Alec walked back out, wishing us a good night
before heading up the stairs. After he was out of sight I sighed, glancing at Isabella.
“Do you want to play some more?” I asked. She shook her head hesitantly.
“What did he say?” she asked quietly. I shrugged, looking back down at the keys.
“Just asked me if I was happy with you. Nothing of importance,” I muttered. My eyes
widened after the words rolled from my lips and I sighed, looking over at her. “Not saying
that’s not fucking important, or that you aren’t important. You are. I’m just saying, you
know… it’s not a big deal or whatever. Well, I mean, it is a big deal, but…”
She brought her hand up and pressed her pointer finger against my lips, shushing me. I
stared at her with surprise, always still stunned that she had the nerve to tell me when to
shut the fuck up, and she smiled. ”I get it,” she said softly. “And I love you, too. Can we just
go to bed?”
I nodded, kissing her fingertips softly. “Of course we can, tesoro.”
I took her hand and led her upstairs, the two of us stripping and crawling into bed. She
snuggled up into my arms and drifted off to sleep quickly, but I laid in the silent room deep
in thought. I kept thinking about my mother and how different life would be had she
survived. I thought about Isabella and how far she’d come--how far both of us still had to
go. I felt guilty holding back from her, keeping things from her but I didn’t want to worry
her. Less than twenty-four hours ago I’d felt like an asshole for not being forthcoming with
her and yet I was doing that shit again.
I had downplayed what Alec said downstairs, not wanting to bring up the subject of my
mother at the time. I found myself doing that quite frequently, downplaying things with
her, and it wasn’t fucking fair but I didn’t know what else to do. Just like when she’d asked
me what Aro said to me in the foyer before he left and I told her he mentioned me visiting,
but that wasn’t even the half of it. I didn’t tell her he wanted my visit to be permanent; that
he’d implored me to reconsider my plans. I didn’t tell her he told me it was my destiny; that
I’d been born to walk that path. I didn’t tell her he said that the only way a man like me
could ever keep a woman like her safe would be to join the life.
Aro had tried to convince me that the power the Borgata could give me would be the only
way for Isabella to ever truly be protected and secure. I didn’t fucking believe him, as my
father and Alec had warned me in advance that he’d probably say those things, but a part of
me was still frightened by his words. Part of me couldn’t help but wonder if we were wrong
and Aro was right. What if I couldn’t keep her safe out there in the world without anything
to fall back on for protection?
I fell asleep eventually, waking up the next day to an empty bed. I sat up and glanced
around the room, sighing. It was a quarter after eleven in the morning and she was gone,
once again leaving me alone for the third morning in a row. Yeah, it was definitely
beginning to become a goddamn habit.
I got up and pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants, heading out of the bedroom. I
moseyed down to the second floor, pausing in the middle of the hallway when I heard her
laughter. I smiled and walked over to Jasper’s bedroom door, grabbing the knob. I tried to
turn it but the motherfucker wouldn’t turn, meaning he’d goddamn locked it for some
reason. I brought my hand up and started knocking on the door.
“Go away! We’re busy in here!” Emmett’s voice rang out from inside. I heard Jasper laugh
and my eyes narrowed.
“Go away?!” I snapped. “What the fuck do you mean you’re busy?” They had my girl in
there with them and I didn’t like being locked away from her and not being able to go to
her and see her when I wanted to. I didn’t like that shit one bit.
“I mean, we’re fucking busy, bro,” Emmett hollered. “Your turn. Hit that shit good and
proper, don’t puss out on me here. We need to show Izzy Bizzy here how it’s done.”
My brow furrowed as Jasper laughed again. I heard a popping sound ring out and Isabella
yelped, causing both of my brothers to laugh. “Hell yeah, Jazz! That’s how you pop it!”
I started banging louder on the door, confused as fuck and having no idea what the hell
they were doing, but I didn’t like the sound of it at all. “You better open this goddamn door
right now before I break the motherfucker,” I yelled.
“Maybe we should let him join,” Isabella’s voice said hesitantly.
“No!” Emmett said immediately. “He’s always trying to monopolize your time and this isn’t
damn Monopoly, kitten. You’re playing with the big boys here. It’s our turn to show you
how shit’s really done.”
Jasper laughed and I grabbed the doorknob, wiggling it furiously. I reached my foot back
and hit the door with it, trying to kick the motherfucker in. “Damnit, I’m not fucking
playing here. You better open this damn door, Jasper.”
“Sorry, Edward,” Jasper yelled. “Come back when we’re done with her.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” I snapped. Emmett laughed.
”Trouble, man,” he said. “Nothing but a little bit of trouble. Come here, Izzy. Give me your
hand and let me show you how to work it.”
My eyes widened and I started banging on the door, cursing loudly. “Don’t you fucking
touch her,” I snapped. They all started laughing, including Isabella, and I felt my anger
rising. I trusted every one of them but I didn’t like not knowing what the fuck they were
doing, and it sure as hell didn’t sound like something I’d ever find acceptable.
“Do it harder,” Jasper said after a second. “Yeah, like that. Good girl.”
Emmett groaned. “Pay attention, Jasper. You’re doing it wrong, dumb ass. How the fuck
are you going to teach her this shit if you can’t even get it in the right hole?”
“I am at the right hole,” Jasper said with annoyance. “Why are they so small anyway? It’s
such a tight fit.”
My eyes widened with shock and I started practically throwing myself again the door,
yelling. “What the fuck are you assholes doing?” I snapped. They laughed and I heard
Isabella groan.
“Wait, where are you going, Izzy Bizzy?” Emmett asked.
“I’m going to let Edward in,” she said. “Maybe he wants to play, too.”
“Awww man, come on. He ruins all the damn fun,” Emmett responded.
“Edward doesn’t ruin anything,” she said pointedly. I heard the lock click and saw the knob
turning, the door swinging open immediately. The moment my eyes fell upon her I reached
out and grabbed a hold of her, wrapping my arms around her waist. I glanced into the
room, my brow furrowing in confusion when I saw both of my brothers were relaxing on
the floor with their legs kicked out in front of them.
“What the Hell?” I said. Isabella laughed and Emmett rolled his eyes.
“I told you, asshole. Trouble. We’re playing Trouble,” he said, pointing at the board game
on the floor between them. “Or we were, until you barged in here and ruined it. Always
gotta be jealous all the damn time. You already called dibs on Monopoly, cheating
motherfucker. You can’t give us this?”
I stared at the game between them and started chuckling, shaking my head. “Fuck you, Em.
Whatever, don’t let me interrupt,” I said, shrugging. I leaned over and kissed Isabella
quickly, nodding toward the game. “Finish your game, baby, before he has a goddamn hissy
fit.”
She rolled her eyes and walked back over to them, plopping down on the floor beside
Emmett. He grinned at me and threw his arm over Isabella’s shoulder, making a kissing
face at her. I rolled my eyes and shut the door. That motherfucker knew exactly what he
was doing, pressing my goddamn buttons and trying to get me riled up. I strolled over and
sat down on Jaspers couch, grabbing his remote and turning his TV on. I flipped through
the channels for a few minutes while they played their game, finally settling on some news
after Jasper suggested I fucking pick something before I wore out the remote batteries. I
half paid attention to the TV and to their game, my mind drifting again. After a while
Isabella’s voice rang out, startling me.
“I know him,” she said, sounding shocked. I glanced over at her with confusion and saw she
was staring at the TV screen. I looked up at it, my brow furrowing when I saw a photograph
of an older man with gray hair. The headline said ‘Local Respected Doctor Missing’. I
grabbed the remote quickly and turned the volume up.
“Michael Scomparsa, a family doctor with a reputation in the community of being ‘overtly
generous’ and ‘compassionate’, was reportedly last seen on the evening of the nineteenth
leaving his office here in Port Angeles at around eleven fifteen. According to his wife, he
was supposed to stop by the store for a few items and then head directly home but he never
arrived at either location. His car was located last night in the Squamish Harbor outside of
the community of Shine, Washington, but there was no sign of the doctor or any indication
of what may have come of him. If you have any information on the disappearance of Dr.
Scomparsa, please call our tip line.”
I turned the volume back down as the story switched to one about some goddamn new
traffic patterns because of construction and Emmett laughed. “Dr. Scomparsa. That’s kind
of ironic, isn’t it? I wouldn’t go to a doctor named that, man. That’s some Kevorkian shit.
How do you know him anyway?”
Isabella glanced at him with confusion. “Uh, he’s the one your father took me to that time,”
she murmured. Her eyes shifted over to me after a moment and she eyed me curiously. I
stared at her, hoping like Hell she’d shrug it off, but I should’ve known better. She sat still
for a moment, almost like she was in a trance, and I could practically see her mind working
to put the pieces together. A knowing expression flashed across her face after a moment
when the reality of it dawned on her, everything starting to make sense. Dr. Scomparsa
wasn’t missing--he was dead. And now we knew exactly where Alec had been the other
night.
I wasn’t sure if she had figured out why he was killed, if she’d drawn the conclusion that it
was because of her, but I didn’t doubt she would eventually. Isabella was smart and had
good instincts, and I was concerned about how she’d react to that information. In fact, I
was worried about her putting the entire puzzle together and seeing the big picture. I
dreaded the fucking day she realized the truth about what happened to my mother but I
feared it was only a matter of time. I just hoped she’d be strong enough to handle it when
the time came, that the knowledge wouldn’t break her and ruin all of the progress she’d
made. I wanted to protect her from it, but I didn’t know how to fucking do that. I couldn’t
shield her forever.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. They played more games and we hung out for a while.
Isabella cooked lunch, and around suppertime Alec and Esme had to depart for Seattle to
catch a plane back to Chicago. It was odd, looking at my uncle that afternoon, knowing he’d
just killed someone a few days before. Knowing that while Isabella and I had been in my
bedroom making love, he’d been out murdering a man. Actions on two totally different
sides of the spectrum, but yet both of our intentions were the same… doing what we felt
was right for Isabella. It was about doing right by her, protecting her and cherishing her
and keeping her safe. And while I knew it was fucking twisted, it all made sense in one way
or another.
It was the end of June now, and I had no idea what the next few months held for us, but
after the past few days it was clear to me that it would be a summer to remember. It was
either going to make us, or break us, and I hoped for the best but a small part of me feared
the worst. I felt this odd sense of gloom threatening to infiltrate and destroy the happiness
we’d found together, and I would fight that shit with all I had but I worried what I had to
give wouldn’t be enough. They were strong forces we were up against and some huge
hurdles to jump, a lot of shit threatening to get in our way. I just hoped what we had
together would be strong enough to come through the storm that was looming on the
horizon.
Because everything seemed too easy right now and if there was anything I’d learned, it was
that life wasn’t easy, nor was it fucking fair. Life was a bitch just waiting to fuck you over…
but I wasn’t getting fucked. Edward Cullen did the fucking, and I wouldn’t hesitate to fuck
up anyone or anything that tried to get in our goddamn way.
Chapter 58 Opposite of Two
“What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you.” -- Richard Wilbur
“Aren’t you gonna be late, bro?” Emmett asked as he walked into the living room where
Edward and I were sitting. I sighed exasperatedly, having just asked that very same
question a mere moment ago, and Edward groaned.
“I’m not fucking going,” he muttered, slouching back into the couch and crossing his arms
over his chest. He had a pout on his face and looked quite pitiful, like a little kid who just
lost his puppy. I smiled softly at the sight of him and shook my head, because he was truly
being ridiculous.
Emmett laughed. “What? You afraid of having your ass handed to you by Newton? I told
your ass to toughen back up,” he said jokingly. Edward groaned again.
“Fuck you, I’m not afraid of that motherfucker. I could kick his ass any day of the week,” he
said with irritation. Emmett laughed again and Edward sat upright, turning his head to
glare at his brother with an angry expression on his face.
“Quit being such a pussy, bro. Get your ass up and go. Izzy Bizzy will be here when you get
back,” Emmett said. Edward grumbled incoherently and slouched back into the couch,
appearing as if he had no intention of actually leaving.
It was the second week of July, and Edward was scheduled to attend football camp. He had
explained to me that the entire football team went away together for special training for a
week, so he’d be spending seven nights in Seattle. I hadn’t really been looking forward to it
because I knew I was going to miss him terribly, but I understood he needed to go. He
enjoyed playing football and said it was an outlet for him; somewhere he could channel his
energy and aggression to relieve some stress.
He’d been playing the game ever since he was a small kid and the family moved to
Washington after his mother died--admitting that football was how he had met and
become friends with Jacob Black. Jacob had apparently also turned to football after his
own mother died as a way to get his anger out, and they’d bonded over their mutual
misfortune. The entire friendship and fallout with Jacob made more sense to me now that I
understood that Edward had opened up that side of himself, thinking he found someone
who understood, only for that person to betray that and use it against him. In the same
respect, it also made sense why Jacob had acted the way he did. Edward had messed with
his family and could’ve caused harm to them, knowing how much Jacob valued the ones he
had left after losing his mother. They were both wronged, just as they both had made
mistakes they couldn’t take back.
I truly understood that he needed to go away, so whenever the subject was raised I always
just smiled and pretended like it wasn’t a big deal. It felt like one, though, and I honestly
couldn’t even imagine an entire week without him. It seemed odd; I’d gone sixteen years
without Edward Cullen in my life so a week should be easy, but the idea of being away from
him now for an extended period of time was daunting. I’d grown used to always having him
there, and while I had no doubt that I could survive without him if I had to, the problem
was… I didn’t want to.
Edward had seemed fine with going away, even a bit excited about it. We had spent every
waking moment together since his birthday and he seemed really happy, occasionally
bringing up his trip and telling me what he’d be doing when he was gone. I had no idea
what he was talking about most of the time and he tried his best to explain it so I’d
understand, but I still didn’t know what encroachment or interference or any of that other
stuff really meant. I listened to him, regardless, because I knew it was important to him
and I was grateful he was sharing it with me.
He seemed to talk about it more as the day of his departure closed in on us, so I naturally
assumed he was growing more excited about the trip. I continued to smile and listen, trying
to ignore the anxiety that only seemed to grow within me with each passing day. I had
convinced myself that Edward wouldn’t be so thrilled about camp if he didn’t think we’d
both be fine, but when I opened my eyes this morning and saw his expression, it all
changed.
He wasn’t smiling, nor was he confident, and none of that excitement that he’d been oozing
the past two weeks was present anymore. All I saw was worry and dread in his eyes, my
own anxiety that I’d desperately tried to drown out reflecting back to me. It puzzled me at
first until I realized that Edward had merely been doing the exact same thing as me…
pretending. He wasn’t looking forward to leaving at all.
We stared at each other quietly for a while when we first woke up, coming to terms with
what was about to happen. I knew he had to go because it was important to him, and I
didn’t want to hinder that in any way. It was only a week and he’d be right back home to
me.
“You have to go,” I said finally, breaking the tense silence in the room the exact same time
he spoke, uttering those four words he’d been repeating all day long.
“I’m not fucking going.”
It was really ridiculous, because he’d only be a few hours away and if I truly needed him he
could come home, but there was no reason for me to need him to do that. I could manage
on my own—I’d been doing it my entire life. I’d never truly had to rely on anyone else and
while I’d been allowing myself to lean on Edward for comfort and support, it was time for
me to practice standing on my own two feet again. It would be better that way and I had to
believe that we’d be stronger together if we could survive being apart. He wanted me to find
freedom and as much as I wanted him by my side constantly, I knew it simply wasn’t
possible. I needed to be able to find balance between being with Edward and my own
independence.
He didn’t see my logic, however, and had been quite inflexible all day long by insisting that
he wasn’t going. He said it was stupid and not worth it, declaring that there were a million
other things for him to do that required him to stay in Forks. I asked him what those other
pressing matters were and he stammered a bit, unable to name a single thing that wouldn’t
still be there next week when he returned. I’d always felt Edward’s tenacity was part of his
charm, but in the moment it was beginning to be maddening.
“You have to go,” I said, glancing over at him. He ignored me and pretended to be
interested in the television screen, but I could see his eyes darting over to the clock on the
wall every few seconds. He knew he was running out of time, just as he also knew that I was
right… he had to go.
“I’m not fucking going,” he muttered again, his tone not as firm as it had been before. I
sighed with annoyance, unsure of what to say or do to get him to concede and admit he had
to leave. He was supposed to be at the University of Washington in Seattle by five in the
evening to check in for camp and it was already a few minutes after one o’clock.
“Emmett’s right, you know. I’ll still be here when you get back,” I said softly. His eyes
snapped in my direction, an angry expression on his face.
“Of course you will. Where else would you be? I swear to Christ, I’d fucking kill someone if
they ever tried to take you away,” he said sharply. I sighed, realizing that was definitely the
wrong thing to say to him at the moment because he was already temperamental and
hesitant to leave me behind.
“Don’t worry about her, man. I know she’s a little rebel and all, but I’ll make sure she stays
in line and doesn’t get into too much trouble,” Emmett said jokingly, walking up behind the
couch where we were sitting. He reached down and squeezed my shoulder, grinning. “I’ve
got plans for her this week, I’m going to keep her so busy that she won’t even fucking
realize you’re gone.”
I smiled at the notion, but didn’t believe his words for one moment. I knew they were
making plans to keep me busy while Edward was gone, but there was no way they could
distract me to the point of not noticing he was missing. It didn’t matter what I was doing,
I’d be able to feel his absence just as strongly as I could sense his presence.
“Whatever, you’d get her in more trouble than she could ever find on her own. You ever
stop to think maybe that’s why I’m not going?” Edward asked with irritation. I sighed and
Emmett laughed.
“You are going. So get your ass up and go, you little shit,” he said. “You know I wouldn’t
take her anywhere she wouldn’t be safe, she’s like a sister to me. If you can’t leave her for a
week, you’re either a bigger pussy than I thought or you just don’t trust her.”
Edward’s eyes narrowed as anger flashed across his face. “Fuck you, I’m not a goddamn
pussy. And I do trust her. You don’t know what the Hell you’re talking about.”
“Afraid she can’t hack it without you?” Emmett asked.
“No, I know she can,” Edward snapped back. “She’s strong, don’t you fucking doubt that.”
Emmett nodded. “So why aren’t you going, again?” Edward glared at him but didn’t
respond, obviously having no answer to that question.
The front door of the house opened after a moment, and Dr. Cullen walked inside. He
paused in the entrance to the living room, glancing around at the three of us.
“I thought you’d be gone by now,” he said finally, focusing his attention on Edward. “Aren’t
you going to be late?” Edward rolled his eyes and I waited for him to utter those four words
again, but he didn’t.
“Would you people get off of my nuts? I’ll go in a fucking minute. Christ,” he muttered, his
expression softening back into a pout. Dr. Cullen shook his head and walked away while
Emmett laughed once more, reaching his arm back and punching Edward on the shoulder.
“That’s it, be a man and get the Hell out of here. The sooner you leave, the sooner Isabella
and I can start having some fun,” he said playfully, glancing over at me and winking.
Edward groaned while rubbing his arm but didn’t respond to his brother’s attempt to
provoke him. Emmett walked out and Edward turned his head to look at me. We gazed at
each other for a moment before he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to him,
squeezing me tightly.
“I’d hide you in my suitcase and take you along with me if I could,” he said. I giggled and
hugged him back.
“It’s just a week, I’ll be okay,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about me. You go do some
field goals or play some runs or something.”
Edward started laughing. “I’m the quarterback, Bella. I don’t kick field goals. And it’s called
running some plays, not playing some runs.”
“Oh,” I said with a giggle, blushing in embarrassment. “Well you go quarterback, then.”
He laughed again and let go of me, gazing at me briefly before leaning in and pressing his
lips to mine. His kiss was soft and sweet yet full of love, so intense that it nearly took my
breath away. He pulled from my lips eventually and I gasped for air, my reaction causing
him to smirk.
“Don’t let that motherfucker make you do something you don’t want to do, you hear me?”
he said. “I’ll call you whenever I get the chance.”
“Okay. Have fun. It’s only a week, I’ll be fine,” I repeated once more. I wasn’t sure exactly
who I was trying to reassure more with my words, him or myself. He nodded and brought
his hand up, running his fingertips across my cheek. He leaned in and kissed me once more
briefly.
“I love you,” he said, his voice low but the expression passionate. I could feel the love
rolling off of him and knew they weren’t just words to him. The emotion began to bubble
up inside of me and I fought it back with all I had, not wanting to cry. I really didn’t want
him to go, no matter how much I knew he had to and should, and I knew if I started crying
it would only make it harder on both of us when he walked out the front door.
“I love you, too,” I said softly. He sighed and kissed me one final time before standing up
and stretching.
“I’ll see you later, tesoro,” he said, turning to walk out of the room.
“Goodbye, Edward,” I responded in barely a whisper. His steps faltered and I could see his
shoulders tense up, his reaction to my words confusing me. I thought he was going to turn
around and say something but he simply walked out after a moment, shaking his head and
muttering something under his breath. I sat quietly in the living room as he grabbed his
stuff and headed for the front door.
“Aren’t you going to be late?” I heard Jasper’s voice chime in from the foyer, followed by a
loud groan from Edward.
“I’m fucking going, alright?” he said with annoyance, the front door slamming soon after. I
sighed and frowned, not even bothering to feign contentment anymore now that he was
gone. Jasper walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch beside me, giving
me a small, understanding smile. He didn’t say a word about it, which I appreciated
immensely.
We spent the rest of the day watching movies, and Emmett grabbed pizza for dinner. Dr.
Cullen made himself scarce, only coming out long enough for something to eat. I glanced at
the clock periodically as the day went on, wondering where Edward was at the moment or
what he was doing.
The house darkened after awhile as the sun set outside and the day started coming to a
close. The movie we were watching ended and I stood up, telling Emmett and Jasper I was
going to head to bed. It was still fairly early and I wasn’t tired, but I was growing anxious
and I knew there was no way I could sit still through another movie. They said goodnight,
telling me they’d see me in the morning, and I slowly climbed the stairs up to the third
floor.
I walked into Edward’s bedroom and paused, glancing around. Everything was so still and
quiet, the room feeling void without his presence. I shut the door behind me and kicked my
shoes off, walking over and crawling into bed. I grabbed his pillow and snuggled into it,
inhaling deeply and feeling comforted by his familiar scent. I closed my eyes, hopeful that
sleep would come quickly, when a beep rang out and startled me.
Sitting up, I glanced around in confusion, unsure of what the sound was or where it had
come from. I went to lie back down after a moment, giving up on figuring it out, when
another beep sounded. My eyes widened with shock when I realized it was my phone. I
leapt out of the bed quickly, nearly tripping and falling as my legs got entangled in the
comforter, and snatched my phone off of the desk. I opened it up and saw I had a missed
call from Edward, realizing he’d called me an hour ago.
I redialed the number quickly and it rang a few times before his voicemail picked up and
told me to leave a message. I hung up, feeling silly talking with no one on the line, and
noticed the little symbol at the top of the screen that indicated I had a message. Edward
had never left a voicemail before, telling me all the time that he despised talking to a
machine, so I was quite surprised he’d leave a message. I called my voicemail so I could
listen to it and smiled the moment his voice came on.
“I hate talking to these fucking things but I guess you don’t have your phone near you or
whatever. I miss the shit out of you already but make sure you go out and live life and have
fun and all that other bullshit, okay? You deserve it, don’t worry about me. I’m going to go
to sleep now and forget about these stupid motherfuckers here. I’ll see you later, tesoro.
And, Christ, don’t you ever fucking say goodbye to me again, you hear me? I don’t like that
word, sounds like it’s fucking permanent or something. You’ll see me again, you know that.
La mia bella ragazza. I love you. Sogni d'oro.”
I hung up without deleting the message, not wanting to erase his voice. I sat there clutching
the phone for a moment, replaying his words in my mind, and felt a tear slip down my
cheek. I brushed it away quickly and sat the phone down on the stand beside the bed before
climbing back under the covers. I snuggled into his pillow and closed my eyes, once more
hoping for sleep to come quickly.
I was restless all night, drifting in and out of consciousness. More than once I’d awoken in
confusion when I noticed I was in bed alone, and it would take a moment for the reality
that he wasn’t just in the bathroom or down the hall to sink in. Then, I’d snuggle back into
his pillow, inhaling his scent so I didn’t feel so alone, and drift back into unconsciousness.
The next morning, I awoke to a loud banging. I sat upright, startled, and heard Emmett’s
voice carrying through the door from the hallway.
“Rise and shine,” he bellowed, sounding entirely too chipper. “We’ve got places to go and
people to see.”
I glanced over at the clock on the stand, surprised when I saw it was only a few minutes
past seven in the morning. Emmett had been sleeping until at least noon every day since
the beginning of summer so I hadn’t anticipated him being up so early.
I dragged myself out of bed as he started knocking again, walking over and pulling the door
open. He grinned brightly and I smiled in return, but his expression fell and his eyebrows
rose after a moment.
“Too tired to get changed last night?” he asked. My brow furrowed and I glanced down at
myself, blushing in embarrassment when I realized I still had my jeans and t-shirt on from
the day before. I hadn’t even bothered to change into pajamas before getting into bed.
“Uh, yeah,” I mumbled. “I mean, I didn’t even think about it… really… so, why are you up
so early?”
He grinned again. “Because I’m starving! I think breakfast is in order!”
My eyes widened in surprise. “Oh. Do you want me to make you something?” I asked
curiously. He started laughing and shook his head.
“Of course not. Damn, girl, are you even awake? Do you really think I’d drag your ass out of
bed for you to cook for me?” he asked. I shrugged and blushed again, realizing it was a
ridiculous thought. Emmett had never expected me to go out of my way to do things for
him before, and he wouldn’t start now just because Edward was gone. “We’re going out for
breakfast, just the two of us.”
“Really?” I asked. He nodded in confirmation before telling me to take a shower and put on
some clean clothes. I showered quickly, attempting to wake myself up under the spray of
water. I was groggy and exhausted from my broken sleep, feeling quite edgy without
Edward. I got out and dried off, putting on a pair of denim Capri pants and a black top.
After slipping on my black flats, I pulled my hair back and made sure to grab my phone
quickly before slipping out of the room. I had missed Edward’s call the night before and
there was no way I was missing another one if I could help it.
I met Emmett down in the foyer and followed him out to his jeep, slipping into the
passenger seat and buckling my seatbelt. He got in and buckled his as well, surprising me
by doing so because Edward never bothered. I’d only ever gone somewhere alone with
Emmett once before and that was the ill-fated grocery trip prior to Thanksgiving when I’d
forgotten to buy eggs.
He drove to the diner in Forks and parked, both of us climbing out. He slung his arm over
my shoulder and led me inside, enthusiastically greeting people along the way. The place
was packed but Emmett was able to secure us a table quite easily, much to the dismay of a
few others that were waiting to be served. As we walked through the diner to our seats, I
realized that Edward wasn’t the only popular Cullen son.
People appeared to both fear and revere Edward for the most part, not entirely for who he
was but more for what he was, while they seemed to just genuinely enjoy Emmett. They’d
nod in acknowledgement and get out of Edward’s way when he was passing, or cater to him
when he needed something, but they flocked to Emmett because he was fun to be around. I
wasn’t sure why it had never dawned on me before, but it was true. Everyone loved
Emmett.
I slid into the booth across from Emmett and the waitress walked up immediately, handing
us menus and taking our drink orders. I asked for orange juice while he requested
chocolate milk with extra chocolate, and we glanced through the menu while the waitress
went to get our drinks. She returned and I ordered some French toast, while Emmett
rattled off a list containing eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, fruit, and toast. I wasn’t entirely
surprised, because I was used to feeding him by now, but he smiled sheepishly anyway.
“What can I say? I’m a growing boy,” he said light heartedly. I giggled.
“I think you’re done growing, Emmett. You’re already big and I don’t think you can get
much bigger,” I said, blushing the moment the words came out and I realized what I’d just
said. “I don’t think that sounded right.”
He started laughing and shook his head. “I get what you’re saying,” he said, pushing up his
shirtsleeve and flexing his muscle. “I need fuel, though. These guns don’t come naturally,
little sis.”
I smiled. “Little sis,” I said softly, echoing his words. It always warmed my heart when he
referred to me as a real part of their family, which he had begun doing more regularly.
“Yeah, little sis. It’s what you are. Someday you’ll probably marry my shithead little brother
and make it official,” he said. My smile grew.
“I’d like that,” I said quietly. He nodded and started to speak, but the waitress returned
with our food and he quieted down. She sat our plates down and brought Emmett another
drink, the two of us starting to eat in silence.
“Did you ever think it would be this way?” he asked after a few minutes, his tone serious. I
paused with my fork halfway to my mouth and glanced over at him.
“What way?” I asked, not entirely sure what he was referring to. He brought his fork up and
waved it around.
“This way. You know, coming here, having a life. Gaining a family, meeting Edward. All of
it, really. Did you ever think this would happen?” he asked, taking a bite of his food and
eyeing me curiously. I sighed, contemplating his question.
“No, I never thought it was a possibility, really. I mean, my mother always hoped that it
would happen and I’d end up somewhere I could go to school and fall in love and stuff, but
I thought she was delusional honestly,” I said. “I figured I was given the life I had and the
most I could do was adapt to it.” He nodded.
“I can understand that and I guess I can kind of relate. I mean, I was too young to
remember life before the Cullens but I wonder all the time what the Hell would’ve
happened to me if Elizabeth hadn’t saved me,” he said. He paused for a moment with a
solemn expression on his face, sitting his fork down on his plate. “I wish you could’ve been
saved sooner because you shouldn’t have gone through all of that, but then I wonder how
different shit would be if you would’ve been.”
“I guess everything happens for a reason,” I said with a shrug, not entirely sure how to
respond to that. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how life would be for me if I hadn’t
endured what I’d gone through the years prior to leaving Phoenix. The idea of growing up
free was a nice thought but I wouldn’t have become the person I was and definitely
wouldn’t have met and fallen in love with Edward if I had.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said, picking his fork back up. We finished eating in silence and he
glanced down at his watch after awhile. “You ready to get out of here? We need to meet
Rosie back at the house and she’ll kill me if we’re late.”
I nodded and stood up, using the restroom while Emmett paid. I came back out as he was
tossing some cash down on the table, and he smiled and threw his arm over my shoulder
again. He led me out to the Jeep so we could head back to the Cullen’s house, singing along
loudly to the radio and joking as he drove. The moment we neared the front yard of the
property I caught a glimpse of the familiar red convertible, along with Rosalie who was
leaning back against it with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face.
“Hey, babe,” Emmett said, hopping out of the Jeep and walking over to where she was
standing. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly, her feet leaving the
ground as he lifted her up. Her expression softened immediately, her hostility disappearing
as a small smile formed on her lips.
“You were almost late,” she said. Emmett laughed and gently placed her back down on her
feet.
“Almost, but I wasn’t,” he said, leaning in to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his
neck and their mouths moved furiously together, their love and passion for each other
clear. I turned around quickly, a pang of jealousy hitting me and making me long for
Edward.
Rosalie said my name after a moment and I turned back around to see her holding a bag
out to me. I took it from her carefully and opened it up, peering inside. My brow furrowed
with confusion when I saw the small black and white garment.
“It’s a bathing suit. Alice said she didn’t think you had one so I picked it up for you,” she
said. My eyes widened with surprise.
“I, uh… thank you, really… but I don’t think I really need one,” I said, wondering why she’d
buy me a bathing suit. She gave me an amused look and I felt my cheeks reddening.
“I’m sorry, but if you’re going to the beach with me, honey, you need one,” she said. I stared
at her with shock.
“Beach?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah, we’re heading down to First Beach to hang out for the day and get some sun, catch
some waves, maybe play a little volleyball,” Emmett said, throwing his arm over Rosalie’s
shoulder and grinning at me. “It’ll be a blast. Alice and Jasper are meeting us there.”
I stared at them briefly before giving a slight nod to show them I understood. I wasn’t sure
how I felt about going to the beach and was honestly a bit nervous at the idea, but they’d all
be there so I figured it couldn’t be too bad.
“Okay, then,” I muttered, glancing back down in the bag. “And I’m supposed to wear this?”
Rosalie laughed. “Yes, that. You can go put it on under your clothes. I’ve got mine on
already.”
I sighed and nodded again, turning to head toward the house. Emmett stopped me and
tossed me his keys, telling me the front door was locked. I unlocked it and punched in the
code to disarm the alarm, remembering the numbers that Edward had told me months ago.
I went straight up to Edward’s room and stripped out of my clothes, leaving them in a small
pile on the floor. I took the bathing suit out of the bag and eyed it warily. It was just one
piece, tied around the neck and had little ties on the bottom of each side, which looked like
they were simply for decoration. I pulled it on and tied it the best I could, walking into the
bathroom to look in the mirror. I froze and stared at myself, startled by my reflection.
I frequently glanced in the mirror in passing but rarely took a closer look, not really
worried about my appearance most of the time. But standing there gazing at myself,
wearing the small black bathing suit with the white polka dots, I was stunned because I
barely recognized the girl staring back at me. My skin was still quite pale, possibly paler
than it had ever been because of the lack of sun in Forks, but it had a subtle glow to it now.
I looked healthy, and happy, and I definitely wasn’t as thin as I had once been. A lot of the
clothes Alice had gotten me when I first moved into the Cullen’s house were growing snug,
and the clothes I had arrived in didn’t fit at all anymore.
I was still slender but I looked like I’d filled out, areas of me curvier. I wasn’t sure if that
was considered a good thing or not, and it wasn’t as if it truly mattered, but Edward
seemed to like it. He told me constantly how beautiful he thought my body was, pointing
out parts of me he found attractive. Because of that, it didn’t embarrass me to stand in
front of him with no clothes on, but I wasn’t so sure about being around others while
wearing something so small.
The bathing suit covered all of my areas for the most part, leaving just a hint of my breasts
peeking out over the top of it, but my thighs, arms and back were all exposed. I wasn’t as
worried about my limbs as I was about my back, because I hadn’t forgotten it was covered
in scars. Edward never commented them, but he often traced them with his fingertips or
placed light kisses on them. I never asked him why, because I figured I understood his
reasoning behind it as I often did the same thing to the scar on his side. It was a part of
him, a physical reminder of his endurance and survival and strength.
I took my hair down, letting it cascade down my back, and was running my fingers through
it when Rosalie’s voice rang out. I jumped, caught off guard because I had no idea she was
there. I must have been in a trance while gazing at myself and hadn’t heard the signature
clicking of high heels that always indicated Rosalie was approaching. I used to always be in
tune with my surroundings, making it almost impossible for people to sneak up on me, but
it was obvious I’d grown complacent the past few months. I glanced over and saw her
standing in the doorway to the bathroom, noticing she had on a pair of red flip-flops. It was
no wonder I hadn’t heard her.
“I’m glad it fits,” she said, walking over to me. “And it makes your ass look fantastic. I
figured you’d prefer the bottom to be cut like shorts.” She pushed my hair out of the way,
grabbing the tie around my neck and tightening it so the top fit better. I thanked her quietly
and she waved me off.
“So it looks okay?” I asked, glancing back at my reflection. She laughed lightly.
“It looks better than okay. You’re attractive, you should be proud of your body. No shame
in showing a little skin sometimes,” she said. “Anyway, we need to get going so throw your
clothes on and let’s go.”
I nodded and walked back into the bedroom, pulling my Capri pants back on and slipping
my black top on over the bathing suit. Rosalie dug in the closet and tossed some black flip-
flops at me before handing me a pair of black sunglasses. She headed out of the room,
telling me to hurry up, and I started out behind her before stopping dead in my tracks. I
turned back around quickly and grabbed my phone, nearly forgetting it in my rush.
We got into Rosalie’s car and she drove out of the Forks city limits in a direction I’d never
gone before, so the scenery was all completely new to me. The ride took about 15 minutes
and I immediately spotted Alice’s yellow car as we approached a parking lot. Rosalie pulled
in beside it and she grabbed a bag of stuff, climbing out of the car carefully. Emmett leapt
out and practically dragged me out of the backseat, throwing his arm over my shoulder.
“Welcome to La Push and First Beach,” he said, turning me around and nodding his head
toward the shoreline. I could see the water in the distance and could hear the waves
crashing, the sound and smell of the ocean quite fascinating. I’d never been to the beach
before or even seen the ocean, having been raised in the desert, so it was all quite new to
me.
We headed toward the water, and I saw Alice and Jasper setting up a bunch of folding
lounge chairs with a cooler beside them. Alice looked over and spotted us, smiling brightly.
“Hey guys!” she said excitedly. “Isn’t it beautiful out here today? I’m so excited!”
I smiled in response to her enthusiasm. It was quite warm, not what I would call hot by any
stretch of the imagination, but it surely wasn’t damp and dreary like usual. The sun was
shining brightly without a cloud in sight, which I had learned over time was very rare for
the area.
They set up the chairs and towels, and I spotted some surfboards sitting off to the side.
Emmett saw me eyeing them and laughed. “Want to learn how to surf, Izzy Bizzy?” he
asked. I gasped and shook my head quickly.
“No way,” I said. He laughed some more, shrugging.
“If you change your mind, let me know,” he said with amusement. I told him not to worry
because there was absolutely no way I was changing my mind.
The guys set out into the ocean almost immediately while Alice and Rosalie started
stripping their clothes off, and my eyes widened in shock at how small their bathing suits
were. Alice’s was bright blue and two pieces, both the top and bottoms barely covering any
of her private areas. Rosalie’s was also two pieces, the top of hers not even having any
straps to hold it on. I was stunned at how much skin they had showing and yet they didn’t
seem uncomfortable at all, which made me feel infinitely better. What I had on was very
modest in comparison to what they were wearing so I doubted anyone would even notice I
was there with them around.
I pulled my clothes off carefully and sat down in one of the chairs, while Alice and Rosalie
sat down to the right of me. Rosalie pulled out a tube of cream and rubbed herself down
with it before offering it to me, telling me it was sun block. She squeezed some in my hands
and I rubbed it on the skin I could reach while Alice did the same. They both put their
sunglasses on and reclined their chairs back to get some sun, but I remained upright and
watched the boys while they surfed. I really didn’t understand the point in tanning, and I’d
learned living in Phoenix that no amount of sun would ever turn me dark. It was odd,
because my father was Italian so I should have at least had the ability to tan, but I assumed
it was just one of those flukes of nature.
It was sort of uncomfortable sitting out there at first because I felt so far out of my element,
but I started relaxing as other people filtered onto the beach, the atmosphere turning from
a silent relaxation to a flurry of activity.
Someone started a game of volleyball, which Emmett and Jasper finally dragged
themselves out of the water to participate in. Alice and Rosalie joined them and they asked
me to play, but I declined because there was no way I was even attempting to do such a
thing with so many people around. I was certain I would embarrass myself and draw
unwanted attention because I knew nothing about volleyball and was inadequate when it
came to all things sports-related.
I sat back and watched them, laughing at their antics. It turned out Alice and Rosalie
weren’t very good at it either, but they played anyway, even if they missed the ball or
accidentally sent it flying in the opposite direction. They looked like they were having a
great time and I started to regret not taking a chance by agreeing to try, realizing they
wouldn’t have cared how horrible I was at the game.
I was taking a drink from a can of cherry coke I’d gotten out of the cooler when a familiar
voice rang out directly behind me, startling me because, for the second time that day, I
hadn’t heard anyone approach. I choked on the soda and started coughing, gasping for air
as the liquid went down my windpipe.
“Excuse me?” I sputtered, turning my head and coming face-to-face with Jacob Black. He
was frozen in his spot and eyeing me with concern.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded, clearing my throat and trying to take deep breaths but
it still burned.
“I’m fine. You just took me by surprise. What did you say?” I asked, unable to make out
what he’d said at first because he’d caught me off guard. He stared at me for a moment
before walking over and plopping down in Alice’s lounge chair beside me. I tensed up
slightly and glanced over at where they were all playing volleyball, unsure of what they
were going to say or think about Jacob sitting with me. They had all seemed fairly friendly
with him, but they also knew his history with Edward.
He fiddled with the chair until he had it upright again, cursing to himself in the process. He
finally got it situated and kicked his feet out, relaxing. “I said I was surprised to see you.
Didn’t think Edward would let you come down here.”
My eyes narrowed slightly as I stared at him. “He doesn’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” I
said pointedly, angry that he’d say that. Yes, he knew what I was when it boiled down to it,
but he knew nothing of my relationship with Edward. Edward encouraged me to think for
myself and have opinions, to do what it was I wanted to do and not what other’s expected
of me.
“Okay, Okay,” he said, throwing his hands up defensively. “I guess I’m just surprised you’d
come here knowing your boyfriend couldn’t.”
My brow furrowed as I gazed at him, confused by his statement. “What do you mean?” I
asked hesitantly. Edward had told me to have fun and live life while he was in Seattle, so
just because he was away didn’t mean I shouldn’t go somewhere.
He glanced over at me with surprise. “I mean, if I know Cullen like I think I know him, he’s
not happy you’re down here since he’s banned from the area, you know, because of trying
to kill me and all.”
My eyes widened with shock when it dawned on me what he was talking about. When
Edward had gotten into trouble for going after Jacob, they’d banned him as punishment
since Dr. Cullen had gotten him out of any serious trouble. It hadn’t even crossed my mind
that we were on the reservation where Edward was forbidden from going.
“You don’t know him,” I said, unsure of exactly what to say. “And he didn’t try to kill you. It
was just a misunderstanding.”
He laughed dryly. “You call shooting at me, destroying my car, and nearly burning down
my damn house in the process a ‘misunderstanding’? He’s crazy and egotistical and
manipulative. He has seriously clouded your judgment.”
My eyes narrowed again as anger surged through me. Who did Jacob Black think he was?
“No, your judgment is the one that is clouded. Edward has made mistakes but he’s a good
man. You shouldn’t sit there and pretend like you’re completely innocent, because you’re
not. You both let your anger get to you and acted like immature children, lashing out and
trying to hurt each other. It’s stupid, and I wasn’t even there and I know you’re both being
ridiculous about the whole thing with this… this… whole rivalry thing,” I snapped. “So, you
just get over yourself or leave me alone because you can’t talk about Edward like that to
me. He loves me, Jacob Black, and I love him, and I won’t let you try to tear him down and
make me think less of him because nothing ever will. You’re wasting your time.”
I stood up and stomped away, kicking my shoes off in the process and leaving them lying in
the sand. I brushed past Emmett who gaped at me with shock, obviously having overheard
part of the conversation. It didn’t matter to me, though, because I was too upset to worry
about that.
“Isabella, wait,” Jacob called out. I ignored him and walked down toward the edge of the
water, pausing about a foot in front of it. I heard the movement behind me and knew he
was following me, but didn’t turn to acknowledge him in any way. “Look… I, uh… Hell, I
don’t know. I don’t like him and I have a hard time believing he cares about anyone but
himself, but I didn’t mean to offend you. I just don’t like the idea of him taking advantage
of you in your situation.”
I turned to glare at him, my anger only intensifying. “You may know what I am, but you
know nothing about my situation and it’s clear you really don’t know Edward! He’s sweet
and kind and supportive and is trying to help free me, so don’t you stand there and pretend
to know things because you don’t! He’s putting himself on the line to really help me, which
is something you made perfectly clear you’d never be willing to do, so how dare you judge
him when he’s more compassionate and brave than you’ll ever be!” I snapped. He stared at
me in shock, obviously not expecting such an outburst from me. My words surprised even
myself, because I’d been trained to keep my mouth shut and never lash out but something
about Jacob speaking ill about Edward made me defensive.
I caught sight of movement in my peripheral and saw Emmett standing a few feet away
from us with an angry expression on his face. Emmett very rarely got mad and could always
be counted on for a smile or a laugh, so I automatically wondered if maybe I’d made a huge
mistake. I didn’t want to upset him and had no intention of making a scene, but he
obviously wasn’t pleased about something.
I tried to think of something to say quickly to curb his anger, but realized after a moment
that he wasn’t even looking at me. His eyes were focused directly past me on Jacob and he
was watching him intently. Jacob must’ve noticed that he no longer held my attention
because he spun around in the direction of my gaze, freezing when he spotted Emmett.
“Hey, Em,” Jacob said casually. Emmett just glared at him briefly before turning his
attention to me.
“You okay, Isabella?” he asked, his tone serious. “He’s not bothering you, is he?”
I hesitated, caught off guard by his question, and Jacob sighed with frustration. “Come on,
Em. You know I wouldn’t…” he started, but Emmett cut him off quickly.
“I wasn’t asking you, Jake,” he said sharply. “I was talking to Isabella. Everything okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. We were… just talking.”
Emmett gazed in my direction for another minute before turning his attention back to
Jacob. “It’s nice to see you Jake. I didn’t think you’d be out here today, figured you guys
would be away at football camp, too.”
Jacob’s eyes widened with surprise. “That’s this weekend?” he asked. Emmett nodded in
confirmation and Jacob laughed. “Naw, I got into some trouble in school, got suspended
for fighting and the coach kicked me off the team.”
Emmett’s harsh expression softened as he grinned. “You play all those years and end up
getting booted senior year. Ain’t that some shit,” he said with amusement. Rosalie called
for Emmett and he held his hand up to tell her to wait, his smile once again diminishing.
“You be nice to Isabella. I like you, you know that, but I’ll fuck you up if you upset her.”
Jacob threw his hands up defensively, a serious expression on his face. “I got it, man. I
didn’t mean to get her riled up.”
Emmett nodded and jogged away, turning back to glance at us a few time before joining
Rosalie again to play another game of volleyball. “He’s protective of you,” Jacob muttered
as I turned to look back out at the water. I didn’t bother to respond to his statement, not
knowing what to say anyway. He was still for a moment before taking a few steps and
standing beside me. “You getting in the water?”
“No way,” I said, looking at him incredulously.
“Why not?” he asked. I sighed and shrugged, but he continued to stare at me questioningly.
“I can’t swim,” I mumbled finally, blushing in embarrassment. I wasn’t sure if that fact had
dawned on any of them, but I’d never had the opportunity to learn how.
“You don’t have to know how to swim to get your feet wet,” he said with a shrug, pulling his
shirt off quickly. He tossed it onto the sand and took a few steps forward into the water. He
stopped when the water reached his knees and glanced at me. “Well, come on. What are
you waiting for?”
I gaped at him with disbelief, stunned that he expected me to follow him into the water. “I
don’t think so,” I said.
He sighed, looking at me with discontent. “Seriously, do you think I’d let you drown? Trust
me.” My eyes narrowed the moment the words came from his lips, and his eyes widened
slightly at my expression. “Or don’t trust me, whatever. But do you really think I’m stupid
enough to tell you to do something that would get you hurt with Emmett standing over
there watching me like a damn hawk? I told you before, Isabella Swan. You seem nice and
all, but I don’t plan to get myself killed for you. And rest assured, if I let you drown,
Emmett would kill me.”
I stared at him for a moment, contemplating, before scanning the water with my eyes. It
looked refreshing and smelled wonderful, and a part of me really wanted to feel it. I
glanced behind me and saw that Emmett was still watching us, smiling to myself and
feeling relieved at having the safeguard just in case I needed it.
I took a few steps forward and walked into the water, pausing when it hit mid-calf. It wasn’t
exactly cold but it had a slight chill to it and cooled my hot skin immediately. Jacob walked
further into the water and I took a few more steps forward but stopped when it reached my
waist.
“This is far enough,” I muttered. Jacob paused and turned around to face me.
“See, that wasn’t that hard, huh? Feels good, doesn’t it?”
I smiled and nodded, holding my hands out on the surface of the water. Small waves
crashed against them, the sight quite fascinating to watch and almost soothing in a way. “It
must be nice to live by the water like this. Do you come down to the beach often?” I asked
curiously.
“Yeah, every chance I get. We surf and cliff dive and stuff all the time,” he said. I glanced
over at him with confusion.
“Cliff dive?” I asked, unsure of what that was. He nodded and pointed off into the distance
at a large cliff jutting out at the shore.
“We get on top of that cliff and jump off of it into the water,” he said. My eyes widened with
shock.
“You’re kidding! How high up is that?” I asked, stunned. It looked huge from the distance
and I couldn’t imagine jumping off of such a thing for fun. That would be terrifying.
“I dunno, seventy-five feet maybe? We didn’t exactly measure,” he said nonchalantly. I

turned to gape at him, shocked by his indifference about it.
“You have to be crazy to jump from there,” I stated. He laughed and shrugged.
“Maybe I am crazy, but that just means your boyfriend is, too,” he said with amusement.
“Edward used to jump from that thing?” I asked. He nodded.
“All the damn time. In fact, he took the plunge and leapt off of it before I ever did. Reckless
asshole, no regard for life,” he mumbled. I narrowed my eyes again, not liking it when he
spoke so negatively about Edward and he held his hands up in defense once more. “Alright,
I’ll be nice.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly. We stood in the water, an awkward silence lingering in the air
between us. I didn’t know him very well and wasn’t sure what to say to him, but for some
reason I felt oddly at ease in his presence. I was well aware of how Edward felt about Jacob,
and would never do something to deliberately hurt him, but he was always telling me to
form my own opinions about people and things. He said with independence comes the
opportunity to make my own decisions, and I saw Jacob as one of those things Edward was
referring to. I didn’t entirely trust him because I knew he had betrayed Edward in the past,
but I saw no reason for me to not be civil toward him.
The rest of the Cullens still liked him, Rosalie and Alice had even expressed to me months
ago how they wished Jacob and Edward would get over their feud and be friends again.
Part of me wondered if maybe I could help with that, if I could help bridge the divide
between them. They were both obviously hurt and felt wronged by the other, and honestly
they both had a right to be, but I saw no reason they couldn’t eventually move past it.
Edward had done so much for me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe this was my
chance to finally do something in return. Maybe I could help them become friends again.
“So why was six afraid of seven?” Jacob asked eventually. I glanced at him with confusion
at first before I realized he was trying to break the tension with a joke.
“I don’t know, why?”
“Because seven eight nine,” he said, smirking. “Get it, seven ate nine?”
I nodded, smiling. “Yeah, I get it.”
“But you didn’t laugh. Let’s try again. Why did the boy throw his toast out of the window?”
he asked. I shrugged hesitantly, having no idea what the answer could be. “He wanted to
see the butter fly.”
“See the butter fly?” I asked with confusion, the punch line not dawning on me until the
words came out of my mouth. “Oh, like a butterfly.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “Yes, a butterfly. Why did the guy get fired from the orange
juice factory?” I shrugged again and he raised his eyebrows with a hopeful expression on
his face. “He couldn’t concentrate.”
My brow furrowed as I tried to make sense of it. “Like the orange juice that’s made from
concentrate, right?”
He stared at me for a moment before nodding. “Yes. You’re hard to crack, you know,” he
said with a sigh. “I feel defeated; I’ve never failed at making someone laugh like this before.
I may as well have asked you why the damn chicken crossed the road.”
“Why did the chicken cross the road?” I asked curiously. He glanced at me with surprise.
“To get to the other side, of course,” he said. I smiled and giggled, getting that one right
away. “Well, shit. The chicken does it. You’ve never heard that one before?”
I shook my head. “No, not that I remember,” I said. He shook his head, frowning.
“You need more comedy in your life,” he muttered. “Either that or Cullen’s draining you of
a sense of humor.”
My eyes narrowed but before I could say anything he disappeared under the water, a splash
flying in my direction. He resurfaced after a moment and smirked. “That wasn’t funny,” I
said with annoyance. He shrugged and started walking out of the water without saying a
word, grabbing his shirt from the sand. I sighed and followed behind him, not wanting to
linger in the ocean alone. We strolled over to the lounge chairs and I grabbed a towel while
he just plopped his dripping wet body down in one.
I dried off and sat down on the edge of the chair, kicking my feet out in front of me. They
were covered in sand but it didn’t bother me at all, because I had been used to walking
barefoot in dirt and sand in Phoenix. The tips of my hair were wet from being splashed by
small waves so I pulled it to the side and over my shoulder, running my fingers through it. I
glanced over at Jacob, wondering why he was so quiet, and saw he was gawking at my now
exposed back. I blushed in embarrassment and pushed my hair back to cover up my scars
once again.
Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, simply remaining silent as we sat together watching
what was going on around us. It started to get awkward again so I opened my mouth to
speak, hoping to cut the tension before it mounted, when a familiar beep rang out. I
glanced around quickly for my phone, snatching it off the top of the cooler where I had
placed it earlier. I flipped it open and frowned when I saw I had another missed call from
Edward.
He didn’t leave a message and I called him back immediately, but it went straight to his
voicemail. I hung up and frowned, anxiety and sadness hitting me. That was twice I’d
missed his call—we weren’t off to a good start at all.
“Miss a call?” Jacob asked. I glanced over at him and nodded.
“Edward,” I said quietly. I expected him to rattle off some sarcastic comment but he
surprised me when he didn’t.
“Sorry,” he said. I looked at him with disbelief, taken aback by how genuine that lone word
sounded coming from him.
“Uh, it’s not your fault. He’ll call back,” I said. He nodded.
“So you guys really are in love? It’s not just bullshit?” he asked. I smiled thoughtfully as I
gazed at him.
“We are. It’s real. He’s been really amazing to me. I know he’s not perfect but no one is.
He’s a good person; I meant that when I said it. He’s helped me in ways no one else ever
could,” I said. Jacob sat quietly for a moment before reaching over and snatching my phone
from my hand. My eyes widened in shock and I tried to grab it back from him but he
blocked me.
“Shit, relax!” he said, laughing and tried to fend me off. “Seriously, calm down. I’m not
gonna call anyone or anything.” I tried to grab it again but he pulled it away before I could
get my hands on it, giving me a serious look. I narrowed my eyes at him, nervous about
what he was doing, but it was clear he had no intention of handing it back just yet so
fighting him was useless. I could’ve called for Emmett and he would’ve forced Jacob to give
the phone back, but I was afraid I’d simply cause an altercation that was probably
unnecessary.
He opened the phone and pressed some buttons, my anxiety increasing with every beep. He
closed the phone again after a minute and handed it out to me.
“I put my number in it,” he said. My eyes widened in shock and he held his hand up to stop
the freak out that he obviously knew was imminent. “Just listen to me, okay? I put it under
‘J’ and not my whole name, but you call me if you ever really need anything. I mean, there’s
not much I can really do to help you but if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me.
I promise to not talk shit about your boyfriend… not too much of it, anyway. I don’t have
your number so you don’t have to worry about me ringing you up and hounding you. Just
use it if you ever need it. I figure it would help to at least have the option of someone
outside the inner circle.”
I glanced down at my phone and nodded, not knowing how to react. I wasn’t sure how I felt
about it or if I would ever use it, but I had to admit it was quite nice of him. “Uh, okay.”
“And if you mean it when you say it isn’t bullshit between you and Cullen, and he really
loves you, then he has no reason to go through your phone or be suspicious. It’s not a crime
to have people to talk to,” he added.
“Yeah,” I muttered, unsure of what else to say. Rosalie approached after a moment,
complaining about him getting her chair wet with his soaked body. The others walked up as
Jacob was rolling his eyes.
“How do you keep a blonde in suspense, Rosalie?” he asked. She glared at him, not
appearing amused in the least bit.
“Ha-Ha-Ha,” she said dramatically. My brow furrowed.
“How?” I asked. Jacob smirked.
“Eh, I’ll tell you tomorrow,” he said, shrugging. I stared at him with confusion.
“Why?” I asked, not understanding why he wouldn’t just tell me. Everyone started laughing
and Alice plopped down in the chair beside me, nearly tipping it by accident.
“That’s the answer. You keep them in suspense by not telling them,” she said.
“Oh!” I said, finally understanding. “That’s kind of funny.”
Everyone laughed again and Emmett nudged me playfully. “You’re a trip, little sis. You
ready to get out of here? I’m fucking starving!”
We all agreed and started to get dressed, gathering up our stuff. We all said a quick
goodbye to Jacob before heading back to the house to wash up and change.
The rest of the day flew by in a blur. I tried calling Edward twice more but each time it went
straight to voicemail. I climbed into bed after sunset, utterly exhausted from the day’s
events and the lack of sleep from the night before, and drifted off to sleep almost instantly.
Like the previous night, I slept restlessly, waking up frequently and obsessively checking
my telephone each time. Logically, I knew he was unlikely to call in the middle of the night
since he was busy, but I couldn’t help checking anyway just in case.
Once again, at a few minutes after seven in the morning, I awoke to Emmett’s relentless
pounding. I pulled myself out of bed and trudged over to the door, pulling it open to find
him standing there with a huge grin on his face. He declared breakfast was in order, and
jokingly told me he was proud of me for remembering to put my pajamas on the night
before.
I took a quick shower and dressed, grabbing my phone and meeting Emmett down in the
foyer. It was just the two of us again, and we ended up sitting at the same booth and
ordering the same food as the day before.
When I was done eating my French toast, I pulled my phone out to occupy myself while I
waited for Emmett to finish devouring his food. The screen was still blank, indicating I had
no missed calls, no texts, and no new messages—basically, no Edward. I sighed and opened
up my text message folder, deciding to type him one. He told me when he left that I could
text him if I wanted to, but I didn’t want to bother him if he was busy so I kept it short and
simple.
I love you.
I closed the phone and glanced up, noticing Emmett was watching me cautiously. “Have
you heard from him?” he asked.
I shrugged. “He’s called twice but I missed them both. He didn’t answer when I called
back.” He nodded, sitting his fork down.
“Yeah, well, they keep him real busy. He’s practicing and scrimmaging and shit from sun
up to sun down,” he said. “Plus, I wasn’t lying when I said he was out of shape. He’s
probably getting an ass kicking.”
I smiled softly. “I know,” I said, not really knowing and yet not wanting Emmett to feel like
he had to make excuses or explain anything. Edward hadn’t been gone that long and he did
try to call twice, so it was no one’s fault but my own that I hadn’t spoken to him yet.
We left the diner and headed back to the house for a day of games and movies. Around two
in the afternoon my phone chimed, signaling I had a text message. I snatched it up quickly,
nearly disturbing the Monopoly board in front of us and accidentally scattering some of my
money. I smiled sheepishly and blushed in embarrassment, but no one got annoyed or said
anything to me about it. I opened the message quickly and smiled brightly at the single
word on the screen.
Sempre.
It was amazing how six mere letters making up one simple word could improve my mood
so drastically. The rest of the evening was spent like the morning had been, full of board
games and movies. I actually ended up winning Trivial Pursuit, which had quickly become
my absolute favorite game to play. Everything I’d absorbed from Jeopardy came in handy
as I rattled off answers left and right. They all seemed completely blown away at how good
I was at it and humored me by playing it back-to-back for awhile despite the fact that I won
nearly every time.
At around eight that evening I told them I was heading to bed, because my eyes were
burning from exhaustion. I wondered when I’d get a good night sleep again, venturing to
guess it probably wouldn’t happen until Edward returned. I climbed into bed and snuggled
up with his pillow, taking a deep breath just as I’d done the prior two nights. Honey and
sunshine, a hint of lilac and now some subtle strawberry scent from me intoxicated my
senses, soothing me. I drifted into unconscious quickly and was startled awake sometime
later by a song ringing out. I sat up so quickly that my vision blurred from dizziness, and I
felt blindly around on the bed for my phone. I finally found it and snatched it up, opening it
swiftly to answer it.
“Hello?” I said immediately. There was nothing but silence on the line and I repeated my
greeting, once more being met with nothing in return. I pulled the phone away from my ear
and saw ‘1 missed called’ displayed on the screen, realizing I’d been a mere second or so
late. I groaned and felt my eyes welling up with tears, but fought them back in order to
keep a grip on myself. I dialed his number quickly and it rang a few times. I knew his
voicemail would be picking up soon and was about to hang up when the phone clicked.
“I was beginning to think you didn’t want to talk to me, tesoro,” his voice said on the line,
his tone soft. The moment I heard it my heart started pounding furiously and I lost the
fight against my tears as one slipped down my cheek.
“Of course I do,” I said, reaching up and brushing my tear away. “I miss you.”
“Hmmm. I miss you, too. La mia bella ragazza. Emmett keeping you busy?” he asked.
“Yes, he’s gotten me out of bed early two days in a row and kept me occupied until
bedtime,” I said. I immediately wondered what I was supposed to say if he asked me what
we’d done, because I wasn’t sure how he’d react to them taking me to First Beach. I didn’t
plan to keep it a secret from him but I wasn’t sure telling him while he was a few hours
away from home was wise. Luckily he didn’t inquire about it, so I didn’t have to make a
split second decision.
“I’m glad, as long as you’re having fun,” he mumbled. “You are having fun, right?”
“Yes,” I said. “Are you having a lot of fun?”
He chuckled. “About as much fucking fun as I can possibly have doing this bullshit,” he
said, sounding amused by my question. “It’s been hectic and wearing my ass out. I love you,
you know, but you really can’t keep cooking all that fucking good Italian food. I’ve realized
it’s really taking a toll on my physique.”
I smiled. “No one told you that you had to eat it, you know,” I said playfully. He laughed
and I could practically hear the smile in his voice.
“Alright, smart ass. I see how you want to be. Teasing me with fucking Alfredo while I’m off
in a corner eating some goddamn Brussels sprouts or something,” he said jokingly. I
started laughing.
“I could, you know. If you really want some Brussels sprouts, I’ll get you some.”
“I don’t doubt that at all, but I’m going to have to pass on that shit. Thanks, though,” he
said light-heartedly. “Anyway, I really just wanted to hear your voice because it’s been too
fucking long already, you know? I can’t stay on the phone long because I’m exhausted and I
have to get up early for a scrimmage but I’ll call you again tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay,” I said softly, sad that he was hanging up already. I understood though and mentally
reminded myself that what truly mattered was that he had called in the first place. “I love
you, Edward Cullen.”
“Mmmm, and I love you, my Bella. Sweet dreams and all that shit,” he mumbled. I wished
him a good night’s sleep in return before hanging up.
I slept slightly better than before, but I was still restless without him. We fell quickly into a
pattern after that, with Emmett dragging me out of bed first thing in the morning and then
keeping me busy until at least sunset. We went to the diner together every morning for
breakfast, and Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie joined us twice. The days were filled with a flurry
of activity, which I appreciated more than they could ever comprehend. I still missed
Edward tremendously but keeping busy made the separation bearable. I never once forgot
him, as he was on my mind constantly, but it wasn’t until I made it up to the bedroom at
night in an attempt to get some sleep that the true longing set it.
My sleep continued to be broken and by the time the week wound down I felt like I was
walking around in a fog. I desperately needed a decent night’s sleep.
I did very little cleaning or cooking the entire week, occasionally throwing together
sandwiches and only picking up enough so the house stayed decent. I felt bad, slacking off
on my duties, but every time I attempted to slip away from Emmett to clean something he
stopped me and dragged me away from it. I was afraid of what Dr. Cullen would think, but
the fact of the matter was I barely saw Dr. Cullen at all. He worked during the day and
would come home at night and disappear into his downstairs office, rarely resurfacing
while I was still awake. I wasn’t sure if he was simply busy or if he was intentionally
keeping his distance, but I almost felt guilty about it. It made little sense to me, because
who was I to care how he spent his time? But regardless, I strangely felt the need to check
on him even though I knew it would be silly. He was the man of the house, my master, and
I was a mere 16-year old girl who was simply supposed to make sure he had clean clothes, a
made bed and food to eat. I had no right discuss anything with him on a personal level.
We ended up doing a bit of everything during the week. We played games and watched
television; Emmett played his guitar and I drew a lot. Jasper and I spent hours upon hours
in the library studying so I could eventually take my GED test. We even made it back to the
beach when we got another sunny day and I gathered up the courage to try volleyball. I was
horrible at it, just as I expected, and injured my hand in the process. Dr. Cullen appeared
long enough to check out my bruised and swollen thumb, telling me that nothing had been
broken.
It was the afternoon of the sixth day, and I sat in the living room glaring at the clock on the
wall. I counted down the seconds as they ticked away, every tick bringing me one second
closer to Edward’s return. It felt silly, taking it second-by-second, but I was growing quite
anxious. I thought it would be easier as the week went on, but the anticipation mounted as
the days flew by and I had reached the point where I could barely contain myself anymore.
The clock struck four in the afternoon and I smiled to myself, knowing there were only
twenty-four more hours to go before camp let out and Edward would be free to climb into
his Volvo and head back home to see me.
I sighed and looked away from the clock, glancing back at the television. I was watching
some movie with Jasper and he was fixated on it, almost in a trance, while I couldn’t focus
enough to even figure out what it was about.
“I should go get groceries,” I randomly blurted out, knowing we were running low on some
things. Dr. Cullen had made it clear that I could buy food anytime it was necessary and
didn’t need to receive prior approval. I knew grocery shopping could wait for a more
opportune time since it was pouring outside and so late in the afternoon, but I couldn’t just
sit around and wait anymore—I needed something to distract me.
“Now?” Jasper asked. I nodded in confirmation and he sat straight up. “I can get my shoes
and come along.”
“No, you don’t have to,” I said quickly, not wanting to tear him away from the movie. I had
gone to the grocery store numerous times on my own with no problem since Dr. Cullen had
purchased the car for me to drive. Jasper eyed me curiously for a moment.
“Okay, then. If you’re sure,” he said finally. I smiled and told him I was, standing up and
scurrying from the room. I ran upstairs and grabbed a jacket, slipping it on and putting the
hood up over my head. It was warm outside but the rain was slightly cool and the coat
would at least shield me from it.
After yelling goodbye to Jasper I grabbed my keys and slipped out the front door, heading
for the silver car. I drove across town to the grocery store, parking as close to the front as
possible because of the weather. I went to work quickly, grabbing everything I knew we
needed or would soon need, making sure to pick up Edward’s favorites for when he got
home. I was looking at the cereal to get a box of Lucky Charms for Edward when a familiar
voice rang out behind me in the aisle.
“I think I know some Leprechaun jokes,” he said with a laugh. I turned to look at him,
smiling.
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” I said. “You never seem to be at a loss when it comes to coming
up with a joke.”
He grinned and shrugged. “That’s who I am. Every guy has to have his thing to attract the
ladies, you know. Cullen makes them swoon with the Italian and I get them laughing,” he
said.
“And that really works to get girls? Telling jokes?” I asked curiously. His smile grew.
“Are you asking if it’s gotten me laid?” he asked humorously. I smiled and blushed in
embarrassment, realizing that was exactly what I’d just asked him. He laughed at my
reaction. “You know, it’s kind of cute when you blush like that. And yes, it’s gotten me
plenty over the years, thank you very much.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you that,” I muttered, wishing the redness in my cheeks
would go away. He shrugged.
“No big deal. I’m not ashamed of what I do. Or I guess who I do for that matter,” he added
with a laugh. “Speaking of doing people, when does your boyfriend get back? I bet you’ve
got some time to make up for. Cullen’s gone a week without any play? That has got to be
torture for him.”
My eyes widened with shock and I gaped at him, stunned by his words. “I’m not talking to
you about… that,” I said quietly, my blush growing.
“Why? You can ask me but I can’t ask you? Come on, I’m just curious about how Cullen’s
faring as a one-woman man,” he said.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly. He gave me
an incredulous look.
“You’ve got to be kidding. You want me to ask that asshole? I don’t have a damn thing to
say to him,” he said. I shook my head with annoyance.
“For someone who claims to not care, Jacob Black, you sure seem to be interested in his
life,” I muttered, grabbing the box of cereal from the shelf and tossing it into the cart. “And
he’s faring quite well, thank you very much.”
He laughed. “You know, I barely know you, but even I can tell you’ve changed a lot.
Something tells me that girl I tried to flirt with at the football game last year wouldn’t have
sassed me like that,” he said. “Hell, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Cullen’s good for you, after
all.”
I looked at him with shock, not expecting him to make a concession like that. “He is good
for me,” I said. Jacob nodded and grinned.
“He’s still an asshole, though,” he added. I groaned and he laughed, reaching out and
nudging my shoulder. “I have to get going. Take care.”
“You, too,” I said. He started walking away and I called his name quickly, causing him to
pause. “You never told me a Leprechaun joke.”
“Uh, what happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?” he asked. I shrugged, having no
idea. “He gets wet.” I stared at him, not seeing what was funny about that at all, and he
laughed. “Yeah, that one’s kind of lame. I guess this is one time I don’t have a joke. See you
later.”
He disappeared from sight and I finished getting what we needed, paying with the credit
card Dr. Cullen had given me some time ago and running the stuff out to the car. I got
soaked in the process and drove home, unloading the groceries in my drenched and
uncomfortable clothes. Emmett walked in to the kitchen while I was finishing putting the
food away, snatching a box out of my hand just as I was about to slide it into the pantry.
“You ought to go change out of those clothes before you get sick or something,” he said. “I
can finish this.”
“Uh, okay,” I said, not wanting to argue with him. I headed up the stairs and pulled off my
wet clothes, changing into a pair of black shorts and Edward’s football shirt.
We watched a movie while we ate sandwiches, and around eight in the evening I headed
upstairs to call it a night. I climbed into bed, worn out, and the moment I closed my eyes
my phone started ringing. I smiled and grabbed it, glancing at the screen and seeing
Edward’s name.
“Hey,” I said happily, answering the call. Edward and I had finally synchronized our
schedules enough that we managed to talk on the phone at least once a day since that
second night.
“Hey, tesoro. Whatcha doing?” he asked, his voice soft. He sounded exhausted, just as he
had all week long. Every time I asked how he was, he told me he was fine, but he sounded
like it was a lot harder on him than he was letting on.
“I’m just laying down in bed,” I answered. He hummed in response.
“What are you wearing?” he asked.
“What am I wearing?” I asked, glancing down at myself. “Um, black shorts and your
football shirt.”
“Bra and underwear?” he asked. My brow furrowed at his question.
“Yes. They’re, uh, the black ones that Alice bought last month,” I recalled, wondering why
he was asking me that. I heard him groan.
“The see-through shit? Christ, are you trying to fucking kill me?” he asked. I blushed at his
response.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“Don’t apologize. Fuck, I can’t believe you’re wearing that and I’m not there. I can’t wait to
get back home and worship that fucking body again, that’s for sure. I bet you’re blushing
right now, aren’t you?” he asked.
I smiled sheepishly. “Yes,” I answered honestly. He groaned again.
“I can just picture you, you know, laying there spread out for me. So fucking beautiful. I
want to kiss and caress every inch of you, just savor your taste,” he said. His words caused
goose bumps to dance across my skin as tingles coursed through my body and settled right
between my thighs.
“Are you trying to seduce me over the telephone, Edward?” I asked, causing him to chuckle.
“Maybe I am, I can’t help myself,” he said. “Is that a problem?”
“No,” I said quietly. “It’s… nice.” I felt my blush deepening at the admission.
“Nice? Like the Italian’s nice, you mean? That kind of nice?” he asked playfully. I said ‘yes’
and he paused briefly. “Will you do something for me, tesoro?”
“Of course,” I said immediately. He hummed at my words before responding, catching me

off guard by his request.
“Touch yourself for me.”
“What?” I asked, stunned by his words and not entirely understanding what he meant by
them. He chuckled again.
“Touch yourself, baby. Slide your hand down your panties and touch yourself,” he said,
sounding slightly amused.
“Are you serious?” I asked, shocked.
“Yes. Come on, I miss the fuck out of you. There’s no shame in it, I can’t be there right now
to touch you so I want you to touch yourself for me,” he said, his tone telling me he was
serious. I immediately thought of Jacob’s words in the grocery store, how a week without
any sexual attention would be torturous for Edward. I knew I could refuse to do it and
Edward wouldn’t think less of me, would probably even laugh about it, but I also could tell
it was something he really wanted and I didn’t want to deny him. I never wanted to deny
Edward anything.
“Uh, okay,” I said nervously, settling back into the bed. “I, uh… I don’t know what I’m
doing.”
“I know you don’t, tesoro,” he said quietly. “You just lay back and relax and do what I say,
okay? All you have to do is listen and let me handle it. You think you can do that?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good. Actually, why don’t you slip your clothes off real quick? It’ll be easier for you that
way,” he said. I told him to wait and sat the phone down, undressing nervously. I was
anxious and completely out of my element, but I couldn’t deny that part of me was excited
and aroused by what he was telling me to do.
“Okay,” I said as I picked the phone back up. “They’re off.” I heard a light groan come from
him in response.
“Good. Now lay back and run your free hand across your chest, grazing it over your nipples.
Are they perking up?” he asked. I sighed and mumbled in confirmation, as they hardened
under my touch. He told me to pinch my nipple with my thumb and forefinger and roll it
between them, the act causing pleasure to course through my upper body. I did it to both
and they hardened even more, tingles shooting down my spine.
“Now run your hand down your stomach slowly and caress the skin while you make your
way to that pussy. I bet you got goose bumps, don’t you? I fucking love the way your body
pebbles up,” he said. “Spread your legs apart some, tesoro, and run your pointer finger over
your clit gently.”
I hesitated briefly, processing what he was telling me to do, before carefully grazing my
finger across it. I moaned softly at the sensation and heard him groan.
“Do you ever touch yourself like this when you’re alone?” he asked softly. I told him no,
mumbling nervously about that one incident in the bathtub a long time ago, and he
laughed lightly. I never had any desire to touch myself in a sexual manner, because Edward
was always great in that department. “It feels good, though, doesn’t it? Use your pointer
finger and your middle finger and caress yourself down there, run them gently down those
beautiful lips of yours and over your opening. Are you wet?”
“Yes,” I murmured, feeling the dampness seeping out and onto my fingers.
“Mmmm, fuck, I wish I was there to feel it. Take your fingers and start rubbing your clit
with them. Use a circular motion and press kind of hard, but not too hard. Whatever you’re
comfortable with baby,” he said, his voice breathy and sending a chill down my spine. I did
as he asked and whimpered at the sensation.
“Okay,” I said softly.
“Feel good?” he asked. I murmured ‘yes’ in confirmation and he sighed. “Good. You keep
doing that and just listen to me, okay? All you have to do is keep rubbing for now.”
“Okay,” I said once more.
“Now close your eyes and pretend it’s me. Forget we’re on the phone, just pretend I’m there
with you, touching you and whispering in your ear,” he said.
I did as he told me, allowing my eyes to flutter closed as I rubbed myself. The pleasure was
intense and my breathing was shaky already from the desire I was feeling. I was definitely
turned on, which I had never thought possible. I always figured it would be awkward and
that I’d be too nervous to ever really knowingly pleasure myself, but I wasn’t. I even felt at
ease with the idea of Edward knowing what I was doing, not awkward or embarrassed at
all.
“Such a beautiful pussy, my Bella. You know that? So fucking tight and wet and warm. I
love that shit, no one will ever compare to what you’ve got. I love how it feels, how it tastes.
I love pushing inside of you, and having your body wrap around me tightly. We fit together
so fucking perfectly, tesoro. There could never be a better fit than us,” he said. I moaned in
response to his words, my yearning for him increasing infinitely as each one rolled from his
tongue. I started moving my fingers faster and pressing harder, the sensations growing
stronger.
“The way you moan and squirm underneath me. You don’t know how that feels, love. The
way your body submits to the pleasure, the way you react when I’m inside of you. The sex is
good, and I mean, fuck… is it good… but that’s not all it is. I love the way you love me, so
fucking trusting and warm. You don’t just give your body to me, you give me all of you and
I’ll never take that for granted. I’ll always think of you first, I promise you that shit,” he
said.
“I do love you,” I moaned in response, my entire body feeling like it was on fire from the
inside out.
“I know you do and I love you, too. So fucking much. You still touching yourself, baby? Still
feeling good?” he asked. I murmured in affirmation. “Good. Now take your two fingers and
slide them inside of you, you think you can do that? Push them in and out and pretend it’s
me, tesoro. Pretend I’m there pleasuring that body, fucking that beautiful pussy. Would
you like that, having me inside of you right now?”
“Oh God yes,” I panted, sliding my fingers inside of me. I’d never done it before but I was
so lost in my desire that I had no room for nerves or second-guessing anymore. I wanted
him badly, was completely desperate for him.
He continued to instruct me, telling me what he wished he could do to my body while I

touched myself. He murmured in Italian to me, his words beautiful even if the meaning of
them was lost to me. It didn’t matter, though, because I trusted Edward and I knew
whatever he was speaking was from his heart, the implication of that just as beautiful as the
sound of them.
He told me to start rubbing myself again after a moment and I felt my pleasure intensify,
pressure building up inside of me. My breathing was labored as I panted in anticipation of
my orgasm, that fact not eluding Edward.
“You getting close, love? You feel it building up?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whimpered.
“Good, you keep doing it. I want to hear you cum. Fuck, I really want to feel you cum but I
can’t so I at least need to hear it. Can you do that for me, can you cum for me?” he asked,
his voice gritty with lust. I moaned loudly, my heart pounding furiously in my chest. I could
practically feel the blood rushing feverishly through my veins, spreading warmth and
pleasure throughout every inch of my body.
“Yes,” I responded.
He started speaking Italian again and I felt the pleasure rip through me, my muscles
tensing and paralyzing my body briefly. I arch my back and cried out Edward’s name,
slamming my thighs together as my orgasm hit me.
“Fuck yeah, that’s it,” Edward growled, his voice low. I heard him grunt as waves of
pleasure washed through me, euphoria and relaxation taking over after a moment. I tried
to keep rubbing but every part of me felt like it was made of jello, making any kind of
movement almost impossible. I lay back in the bed and tried to catch my breath, hearing
Edward’s own labored breathing through the phone.
“Thank you,” he said after a second. “I really fucking needed that release.”
I smiled to myself as it dawned on me that he’d been touching himself at the same time. “It
was my pleasure,” I said, closing my eyes. I felt loose, the tension and anxiety that had
steadily been building up inside of me over the week diminished.
He chuckled. “Yeah, it sounded like it,” he said with amusement. He asked if I was tired
and I begrudgingly admitted so, knowing he’d want to hang up if I told him the truth but
the fact of the matter was that I was worn-out. He told me he’d see me the next day and
wished me a good night before hanging up the phone.
I drifted off to sleep quickly, my hope that I’d sleep soundly waning as I once again fell into
a pattern of restlessness. Emmett woke me up shortly after seven in the morning like
clockwork, and I told him that as much as I enjoyed his company, I was quite ecstatic that
he wouldn’t be at my door so early anymore. He laughed and agreed, admitting that he’d
had fun bonding with me but that he was really missing sleeping until noon.
Our day was spent in front of the TV while I stared at the clock as the seconds ticked by.
Four o’clock finally came and I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that football camp was
officially over and he was coming home. The next few hours after that were the hardest
because the anticipation was driving me mad. I fidgeted and stared at the clock, picking at
my fingernails and chewing on my lip because of my anxiety.
Eight o’clock rolled around and worry started to mix with my anxiety. I’d been quite certain
that he would’ve been back by now but I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to annoy anyone
with my impatience. It was dark outside and the house was fairly dim, the only light in the
room coming from the television and a small lamp over to the side.
It was nearly eight-thirty when I caught sight of a bright flash, my heart pounding furiously
when I realized they were headlights... Edward’s headlights. I tried to remain calm but the
moment the lights cut off and I heard a car door slam I lost my grip on myself, my heart
overshadowing all common sense and reasoning. I needed to see him… now.
I leapt up off of the couch and ran through the house quickly, hearing Emmett’s laughter
ring out from the living room as I bolted from it. I went straight for the front door and
swung it open, glancing out into the darkness and spotting him immediately. I smiled
brightly as he looked up at me and I bounded outside. His footsteps faltered and a look of
surprise came over his face as I flew off of the porch and straight for him. He dropped his
bags and opened his arms up quickly, stumbling a few steps backwards as I flung myself at
him.
I wrapped my arms around his torso tightly and buried my face in his chest, feeling his
warmth and inhaling his scent. He chuckled and hugged me back, kissing the top of my
head. I pulled back quickly and glanced up into his face, taking in the sight of his chaotic
bronze hair and stunning green eyes. He looked utterly exhausted and had a faint bruise
under his left eye and a gash near his nose, confirming that he’d had it rougher in Seattle
than he had let on. He started to say something but I cut him off quickly, smashing my lips
to his furiously. He seemed to be stunned briefly but he started kissing me back, passion
and need evident in the frenzied way his lips and tongue moved against mine.
I pulled back finally and gasped, desperately needing air. He chuckled, gazing at me with
his charming crooked grin and I melted, having missed it more than I had realized until
that very moment.
“Well, fuck. If I’m going to be getting greeted like that, maybe I need to go away more
often.”
Chapter 59 Absence
“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles
the great.” -- Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
“Fuck!”
Pain shot through my wrist and up my forearm as my fingers grew numb instantly. I
started shaking it, trying to get rid of the sensation as my fingertips started tingling.
“Shake it off, Cullen!” Coach Clapp bellowed. I groaned in annoyance, flexing my fingers
and rubbing my wrist as I cursed under my breath. What did it look like I was trying to
fucking do?
To say I was having a bad week wouldn’t even begin to cover how fucked up the past few
days had been. I hadn’t wanted to fucking leave Isabella but knew goddamn well I had to if
I wanted to keep my position on the team, so I sucked it up after complaining for half the
fucking day and walked out the front door of my house. I psyched myself up the entire trip
to Seattle, telling myself that shit was going to be fine. Camp would be a breeze and my
brothers would keep Isabella occupied and entertained, and it would all be over quickly. By
the time I pulled into the parking lot at the University of Washington I almost had myself
convinced, but every ounce of confidence I’d gained during the drive went out the goddamn
window the moment they told me I was expected to share a room with Michael Newton.
Newton. Those motherfuckers expected me to stay in a ten by fifteen-foot room with that
asshole for an entire week. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said someone did that
on purpose just to fuck with me because they had to know that no fucking good would
come of putting the two of us together.
And that was just the fucked up beginning of an even more fucked up week. First day out
on the field, Tyler got the bright idea to start with me. Evidently he was pissed off about
that prank I’d pulled with the pictures of Lauren, because somewhere along the way, he
had decided that he was actually in love with that bitch. He didn’t care that I’d given her
ample warning to back the Hell off and even told her I’d expose her extracurricular
activities if she didn’t, not to mention that Lauren had taken those pictures willingly. It had
been her goddamn idea for Christ's sake; they had surprised me with it. No, Tyler didn’t
give a shit that his girlfriend was a putanna that had happily slipped her panties off to
please me and would still fucking do it if I wanted her to. None of that mattered to him—all
he cared about was that I’d fucking ‘embarrassed’ her.
She didn’t seem embarrassed when she was rubbing all over Tanya--that was for goddamn
sure. I wasn’t even sure if it was possible to really embarrass someone like Lauren, who had
no dignity or self-respect. That bitch had no shame. She was just pissed that she’d gotten
into trouble with the school for it, and that her parents had grounded her for the summer
and were sending her to counseling at her church. Hell, I figured that was a good thing. I
wasn’t religious but even I could recognize that Lauren needed some fucking divine
intervention. That bitch had the devil in her for sure, conniving whore.
Tyler was too dense to see my logic, however, and opted to lash out at me instead of taking
a closer look at the girl he supposedly loved. He goaded me and I kept my mouth shut for
as long as I could, but after hours of his bullshit I lost my cool. I snapped at him, telling
him that he was just fucking jealous that she wouldn’t eat pussy for him, and he lunged at
me. I caught an elbow to the face during the scuffle which left a bruise in its wake, but it
was nothing compared to the double black eyes and busted nose Tyler ended up with.
Unfortunately, in the process of beating his ass, I ended up with a sore wrist. I hadn't
injured it, but it was still quite weak from when I’d broken it months ago, making my week
infinitely more difficult. I was out of shape, my wrist was fucked, and half the team was
pissed at me for one reason or another. All I wanted to fucking do was play some goddamn
football and go home to my girl, but those motherfuckers decided that would be too easy.
It seemed karma had finally caught up with me.
I tried to keep my composure and just do what I was there to do, but each low blow and
snide comment only fuelled my anger and caused me to snap. I had been exploding at
people all week and the coaches were fed up with it, threatening to pull me from my
starting position if I didn’t calm down. They didn’t seem to fucking grasp the fact that I was
trying to be calm… those assholes just wouldn’t let me be.
I was frustrated and tense, and it didn’t help that Isabella hadn’t answered her phone the
first two times I called. I tried not to let that bother me, because it had only been twenty-
four goddamn hours, but it made me anxious. I didn’t like not being able to get in touch
with her when I wanted to and it took everything I had in me not to flip out. More than
once I grabbed my phone to call Emmett or Jasper to check on her and find out why the
fuck she wasn’t answering my call, but I stopped myself each time because I didn’t want to
look like I was a jealous, possessive asshole. I wanted her to be independent so I couldn't
hover and check on her like she was a fucking child or something. She was strong and could
take care of herself, and I trusted my brothers to be smart enough not to put her in the line
of fire.
No amount of rationalization eased my anxiety about it, however, and I was a fucking loose
cannon that first day. Newton was smart enough to stay out of my way; he could obviously
tell I was on edge and wasn’t opposed to fucking him up. Other people, however, didn’t
seem to get that. I tried to rein in my temper but ended up sucker punching quite a few of
those motherfuckers out of anger during plays. I got away with it most of the time, but
more than once Coach Clapp caught me and ran my ass ragged for it.
I definitely wasn’t as fit as I once was so the drills I used to push through with no problem
were kicking my ass. I was worn down, and it only grew worse as the week went on. My
entire body was sore, every muscle burning and aching. It hurt to motherfucking breathe
half of the time, much less move, and I was counting down the damn seconds until I could
go home to my girl.
Isabella and I finally ended up talking and coordinated our schedules enough that we were
able to get a call in at least once a day. I didn’t want to waste what little time I got to speak
to her complaining, so when she asked me how I was and if I was having fun, I just laughed
and played it off like everything was fine. I didn’t want to hinder her fun by whining about
how fucked up my week was, and it really didn’t fucking matter because it would be over
soon anyway.
By the time the week started to wind down, I was fed up. Today was my sixth day at camp
and I was so close to just giving them all the middle finger and walking the fuck away.
Coach Clapp had been railing on me since the moment I stepped on to the field at nine that
morning, and my irritation was to the point of no return. If he came anywhere near me he
was liable to be fucking sucker punched like the rest of them.
“Run it again!” the coach yelled, blowing his whistle. I shook my hand to try to get rid of the
numbness and lined up, grabbing the ball. I took a few steps back and looked down the
field for Felix, snapping the ball when he turned to glance at me. The moment the ball left
my hand the pain shot through my wrist again and I winced.
“Fuck!” I cursed, grabbing it once more. I gazed down the field while rubbing my wrist,
watching the perfect spiral of the ball as it flew through the air. I grinned as Felix caught it
and ran a few feet over the line, completing the play--even in pain I was fucking good at
what I did.
“Wipe that smirk off of your face, Cullen,” Coach Clapp said with impatience. “There’s no
room for your ego on this field.”
I rolled my eyes, irritated, and Tyler laughed. “Cocky Cullen,” he said with amusement. I
glared at him as he brushed by me, throwing my shoulder out to knock into him.
“That’s what your girlfriend calls me, too, you know,” I said mockingly. “Just for other
reasons.” His eyes narrowed and anger flashed across his face as he lunged at me, shoving
me backwards. I drew my fist back immediately and punched him straight in the jaw,
causing his head to fly to the side as he staggered a few steps back. Pain ripped up my arm
again and I cursed, shaking my hand again. He regained his footing and came back at me
but some of our teammates jumped between us, pushing us apart as Coach Clapp started
blowing his whistle furiously.
“Knock it the Hell off, both of you!” he yelled. “I don’t care what your problem is with each
other, but you leave it off of my field. Do you hear me?”
We both muttered in agreement and Coach Clapp turned to glare at me. “Go ice your wrist,
Cullen. If you hurt that throwing arm with all of this punching, I'll bench you this season. I
don’t care how good you think you are, you're replaceable,” he said. “Everyone’s dismissed.
Get a good night sleep fellas, because I expect you back out here at nine a.m. sharp.”
We left the field and headed back to the dormitory we were staying in to change out of our
workout clothes and shower before dinner. We ate in the campus cafeteria every day and
the food was decent enough to force down, but made me long to be back home eating
Isabella’s cooking. Nothing compared to that shit.
I hung out with some of the guys for a while in the common room of the dormitory, icing
my wrist and watching a movie. I couldn’t focus on it because my mind was stuck on
Isabella, my thoughts continually drifting to her in every spare moment I had. I missed the
fuck out of her, more than I ever expected to miss her. It was as if she’d taken over every
aspect of my world, and suddenly shit I used to enjoy just seemed almost unbearable
without her around. I couldn’t even fucking get through a goddamn movie without getting
anxious and antsy from missing her. Only twenty-four more hours until I could leave this
Hell hole and head back home to her, and I was fucking moping around.
I gave up eventually and headed up to my room on the third floor, shoving the door open
forcefully and pausing when my eyes came upon Michael Newton. “Get out,” I barked, not
wanting to fucking deal with him. His eyes widened and he jumped up quickly, brushing
past me as he scampered out of the room. I slammed the door behind him and clicked the
lock in place, shaking my head in frustration. I was sore and wound tight, needing
something to release my tension. It was already after eight so I snatched my phone off of
the desk in the corner and flopped down on the bed, dialing her number. It started ringing
so I lay back on the uncomfortable lumpy mattress and closed my eyes, trying to relax.
She sounded happy when she answered and I smiled instantly, glad she seemed to be
having a good week. At least one of us fucking was. I asked her what she was doing and she
said she was lying down in bed, the words immediately causing an image of her to flash
through my head. I asked her what she was wearing out of curiosity, wanting to get a good
mental picture because I hadn’t seen her in so many days, and the moment she confessed
she was wearing her see-through bra and panties my dick started hardening.
I could picture her, the way her body looked and the way she moved, and the most intense
yearning hit me. Christ, I fucking needed her. I needed her touch, her love… I needed her to
soothe me as only she could. It was fucking strange how desperate I was for her, how much
I had grown dependent on her for my own happiness. I’d always been one to stand on my
own two feet. I hadn’t allowed myself to depend on someone else emotionally since I was
that broken eight-year-old kid, motherless and scarred with a father who couldn’t bear to
come home to him. Getting attached was risking getting hurt, just fucking asking to be cut
open and gutted, and that was something I swore I’d never do… but I had. I’d gotten
attached to her, more so than I’d realized until I’d gone away. My entire life was wrapped
around her and while it might have been unhealthy, I wouldn’t have it any other way now.
Even if I ended up gutted and ripped apart because of it, she was fucking worth it.
It was stunning how much she affected me. I hadn’t been able to get it up all week long to
jack off, even though I knew a goddamn release would at least calm my nerves temporarily
and relieve some tension. But one mention of her wearing that goddamn see through bra
and panties set had my dick throbbing with anticipation.
So, I asked her to touch herself. Maybe it was wrong of me to ask her to do that shit for me,
but I needed it. And since I couldn't be with her the way I wanted to be, this was as the
close as I could get. I expected her to say no, because Isabella wasn’t above turning me
down, but she didn’t. She played along and did what I instructed her to do, once again
proving exactly much she trusted me.
The sounds coming from her throat and carrying through the phone were driving me crazy,
sending chills through my body and straight to my dick. I pulled it out of my pants,
wrapping my hand around it and starting to stroke it. I laid back with my eyes closed,
instructing her on how to make herself feel good and telling her how fucking great she
always made me feel. I listened to her moans and pictured her spread out on my bed
fingering her pussy, writhing and breathing heavily with lust, her body desperate for my
touch. The thought of her touching herself had the pressure building up inside of me
quickly and I tried to ward it off, wanting her to finish first. I might have been a hormonal
fucker, but I always tried to be considerate when it came to my girl and think of her first.
She started panting louder and I could hear the her shudder with every exhale, hinting that
she was close. I started rattling off random shit in Italian because I knew she liked it,
wanting to drive her over the edge. My name escaped her throat in a roar as her orgasm hit
her and I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping my dick tighter and stroking it faster as I
pictured her. The way her back arched and her body tensed up before trembling; the way
her face twisted in agonizing pleasure and sounds of ecstasy rumbled from her chest.
“Fuck yeah, that’s it,” I growled as my own orgasm hit, pleasure ripping through me. I
grunted and continued to stroke myself as I came, stilling my hand when I was spent. I
continued to lie there with my eyes closed and attempted to catch my breath, hearing her
panting on the line but otherwise, silence.
“Thank you,” I said after a moment, appreciating what she’d done for me. I felt relaxed, my
body loosened up immensely. “I really fucking needed that release.”
We talked for a moment longer before hanging up to get some sleep. I tossed my phone to
the side and got up, washing myself up and changing into more comfortable clothes. I
climbed into the bed and closed my eyes, tossing and turning while I tried to get
comfortable on the small hard mattress. I finally drifted off to sleep but was awoken shortly
after by an incessant knocking noise. I cursed under my breath and dragged myself out of
bed, stumbling over to the door and unlocking it. I pulled the door open and winced at the
bright light in the hallway, glaring at Newton.
“You woke me up,” I said with annoyance, pissed off because I hadn’t been able to sleep all
goddamn week long and I finally had the opportunity to get some decent rest only for him
to interrupt it. He stared at me and shrugged his shoulders.
“You locked me out,” he muttered.
“Yeah, well, fuck you,” I said, walking over to my bed and throwing myself back down on it.
I knew I was being a prick and realized it had been my own fucking fault, but I was
exhausted and had no patience for him. He didn’t respond, just simply closed the door and
went to bed.
I drifted back off to sleep quickly and, much to my dismay, ended up tossing and turning all
night long. The alarm started blaring at eight in the morning and I slapped at it until it
stopped making noise, my eyes burning from fatigue. My body was even more sore than it
had been the day before and it ached to even move, but I knew I had no fucking choice. I
had made it to the last day and would be going home to my Bella tonight, putting all this
bullshit behind me. That was incentive enough for me to get my ass out of bed.
I dressed quickly and headed for the door, pulling it open. I was about to step out into the
hallway but paused abruptly on a whim, turning around and glancing back in the room. I
sighed and walked over to Newton’s bed, grabbing a hold of his pillow and tugging it out
from under his head roughly. The movement jolted him, startling him awake and causing
him to nearly fall on the floor. He sat upright and blinked rapidly, looking around with a
confused expression on his face.
“You slept through the alarm,” I said simply, thrusting the pillow at him. He caught it and
stared at me with surprise.
“Uh, thanks,” he said.
“Whatever,” I muttered, turning and leaving the room. I could’ve fucking let him stay
asleep so he would’ve been late for practice and possibly taken some of the goddamn heat
off of me, but I didn’t. The old me would’ve probably done it intentionally for laughs just to
fuck with Newton, and part of was still entertained by the idea, but doing so would’ve been
foul. I still didn’t like the fucker but I never forgot the fact that he had helped Isabella out
at one time and I still owed him for that.
I grabbed a light breakfast in the dining hall and headed to the locker room, grabbing some
ibuprofen to help ease the pain. The trainer taped my wrist up for me to help keep it
stabilized and we headed out onto the field at exactly nine in the morning.
Being the last day, you’d think it would have been a piece of cake, but it was far from it. We
had a scrimmage in the morning and everyone kept making mistakes, distracted and off
their game in anticipation of finally getting to go home. They fumbled and missed my
throws more times than I could even fucking count, and the offensive line got so slack that
I ended up getting sacked twice. My back was hurting and my wrist was starting to ache
again, but I tried to ignore it and press on. We broke for lunch and went right back on the
field for drills. Coach Clapp was pissed about how we had played, berating us for our
incompetence and declaring we had wasted his whole goddamn week because we were
worse now than we’d been on the first day. It pissed me off, because I hadn’t made any
goddamn mistakes personally and was paying for all of theirs, but I kept my mouth shut
and took it.
He worked us hard, making us run drills back to back until most of us were on the verge of
passing out. I was about to collapse myself, unable to run another goddamn inch, when he
finally blew his whistle and told us to stop. The moment the words came from his mouth
half the team dropped to the ground while I hunched over, trying to take deep breaths but
struggling because it hurt so much to do so. In fact, there wasn’t a fucking inch of me that
didn’t hurt. Even my goddamn dick was feeling it, trying to tuck itself away and fucking
hide from the brutality.
I was about to head off of the field when the coach called my name and asked me to stick
around for a minute so he could speak to me. I groaned as everyone else filtered off of the
field, anger surging through me when Tyler turned to smirk in amusement. I just wanted to
get home and hadn’t done a fucking thing wrong all day so there was no reason for him to
keep me late.
“You played good today, son,” Coach Clapp said finally. I looked at him with surprise, not
expecting to hear that from him because he always seemed to fucking hate me.
“Thanks,” I said, running my hand through my hair, unsure of how to respond to the
compliment.
“You’re welcome. I know I’m hard on you, but it’s because you have real potential. If you
could keep your temper in check and focus, you could really go somewhere. You know the
UW coaches were out there all week watching and it might not be entirely appropriate for
me to tell you this, but they expressed some interest in you,” he said.
My eyes widened in shock. “Really?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yes, really. But they don’t like hotheads, Cullen. No one does,” he said sternly. “Keep up
the good work.”
“He reached over and patted me on the back firmly before walking away. I stood in my spot
and watched him as he headed off of the field, stunned. It wasn’t often people told me I had
potential unless referring to a life of crime and I had to admit it felt good to fucking hear it.
I took a quick shower in the locker room and headed back to the dormitory to packed up
my stuff, just tossing my dirty clothes in the bag. I knew I probably should’ve washed them
but I still didn’t know the first fucking thing about operating a washing machine so I didn’t
even make an attempt, knowing I was liable to fuck something up. I left quickly, climbing
into the Volvo and driving through Seattle toward the ferry, my unease lessening with each
mile as my anticipation and longing mounted.
I didn’t like being away from her… at all.
I had to wait around for a bit for the ferry, every second that I was stagnant grating on my
nerves. It finally came and I got back on the road, gunning it and speeding down the
highway to get back to Forks. I always complained about the fucking town, because it was
so small and completely dull and dreary, but in that moment I was desperate to see that
“Welcome to Forks” sign once again.
It was after eight in the evening when I finally hit the town limits. I sped through the
streets, hoping none of the cops were out in the area because I was doing at least double the
speed limit. A few minutes later I finally reached the driveway to the property and swung
the car down the path. I pulled up in front of the house and shut the car off, taking a few
deep breaths to calm myself down. I was desperate to see her but didn’t want to rush in
there like a fucking idiot and overwhelm her. We had both survived the week so there was
no reason for me to let my strength buckle now that it was finally over. I didn’t want to look
weak when she’d obviously been so fucking strong.
I climbed out of the car and stretched my back briefly, grabbing my bags and heading for
the house. I was about halfway to the porch when the front door swung open and I glanced
up, spotting Isabella. She started right for me with a look of joy on her face, stunning me
and causing me to pause. She jumped off of the front porch and I dropped my bags as she
rushed right at me, our bodies colliding with force and causing me to stumble a bit. She
hugged me tightly and buried her face in my chest, her reaction making me laugh. I hadn’t
been sure exactly how she’d act after a week apart and was pleasantly surprised by her
excitement. She acted exactly how I felt—ecstatic.
I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head, inhaling the succulent scent
that I’d missed so fucking much. She glanced at me after a moment, adoration and a hint of
worry in her expression. I knew I still had some marks on my face from the scuffle with
Tyler and was about to explain to her that they looked worse than they truly were, but she
cut me off with a kiss.
It startled me at first but I kissed her back passionately, unable to recall her ever kissing me
with such desperation before. She finally pulled back, gasping for air as I chuckled. We
gazed at each other for a moment, both of us smiling as my eyes took in her radiance.
“Well, fuck. If I’m going to be getting greeted like that, maybe I need to go away more
often,” I said jokingly. She smiled sheepishly but shook her head without hesitation.
“No way!” she said. “You can’t.”
I laughed and nodded. “Okay. That’s fine with me,” I said, pulling her back to me tightly. “I
fucking missed you, tesoro.”
“I missed you, too,” she murmured. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah, me either. I’m exhausted. I really just want to eat something real quick and hit the
bed,” I said, yawning as the words rolled from my mouth. Isabella laughed and pulled from
my embrace, grabbing my arm and tugging on it.
“I’ll make you a sandwich,” she said, smiling happily. I chuckled at her enthusiasm and
grabbed my bags, following her into the house. I dropped my stuff right inside the front
door and she scurried into the kitchen as I walked down the hallway toward the living
room. I glanced at my brothers as I entered and Emmett grinned.
“You look like you had your ass kicked,” he said with amusement. I rolled my eyes and
plopped down on the couch near Jasper.
“You should see the other guy,” I muttered, causing them both to laugh. Isabella walked in
after a second with a turkey sandwich made exactly how she knew I loved it and a
homemade cherry coke. “You are too fucking good to me.”
She smiled and blushed but didn’t say anything as she sat down beside me. I devoured my
sandwich and drank my soda, and we headed upstairs for bed as soon as I was finished. I
tossed my bags in the corner of the room, having no energy to unpack, and started
stripping down to my boxers. Isabella pulled her shirt off to change into her pajamas and
paused, gazing at me. She took a few steps toward me and placed her hand on my bare
chest, running her fingertips down the trail of hair that disappeared into my boxers.
“Your chest is harder,” she said softly, running her hand along my stomach. I nodded,
knowing the brutal workouts I’d gone through the past week had already started toning up
my abs again.
“I did a bit of working out,” I said, reaching my hand over and grazing my fingertips along
her bra strap. “You have tan lines, tesoro.”
A look of surprise came upon her face and she glanced down at her chest. They were subtle
but I could see them plain as day because I knew her body so well. “Oh. I guess I got a bit of
sun,” she said simply.
She removed her hand from my chest and pulled her pants off, not bothering to put
anything else on. She climbed into bed in her bra and panties and I slipped in beside her,
wrapping my arms around her. “So what did you do when I was gone, love? Anything
exciting?”
She hummed, shrugging her shoulders slightly as she buried her face in my chest. “We did
a little bit of everything. Emmett took me for breakfast at the diner every morning. We
played games and watched TV. Oh! And I went grocery shopping,” she said.
“And where in there did you get a tan?” I asked curiously. She didn’t answer for a moment
and I glanced down at her, wondering if she’d fallen asleep that quickly, but saw her eyes
were still open. “Bella?”
“The, uh… Emmett took me to the beach,” she mumbled. I tensed up the moment the
words were spoken.
“First beach?” I asked, knowing the fucking answer to that but wanting confirmation. She
nodded and I sighed, trying to fight back my temper which was threatening to flare. “Was
he there, Bella?”
“Who?” she asked quickly, feigning ignorance but she knew exactly who I was fucking
referring to. I could hear it in her voice, the way she tensed up slightly with the hint of
panic in her expression.
“You know who. Jacob Black. Was he at the beach when you went?” I asked, knowing that
fucking answer, as well. I had found out during football camp that he no longer played,
having been kicked off of the team so he was home the entire week. And based upon her
hesitance on answering the question, it was clear she’d fucking seen him. I laid still and
waited on her to respond. Even though confirmation was unnecessary, I wanted her to be
fucking truthful with me, because if she couldn’t goddamn tell me then it was clear we
weren’t as close and secure in our relationship as I thought we were.
“Uh… I mean, he showed up the first time,” she rattled out finally. My hand clenched into a
fist at the verbal confirmation, glad she was honest with me but pissed that she’d been put
in that position.
“Did he say anything to you? Because if he was fucking mean to you I swear I’ll make him
pay,” I said firmly, the idea of that motherfucker harassing my Bella sending me into a
rage. He knew what she was and if he tried to use that to hurt her in any way I would make
him regret ever being born.
“He wasn’t mean to me,” she said quickly, raising her head to look me in the eye. Her
expression was serious and her voice sounded genuine. “I mean, he spoke to me but it was
fine.”
I stared at her for a moment, resisting the urge to snap and tell her it wasn’t fucking fine. I
didn’t want him anywhere near her but I didn’t want to come off as a possessive asshole
and sound controlling. The last thing I wanted to do was make her think I was trying to
order her around, even if I did think it was in her best interest to stay away from him. She’d
just gone to the fucking beach with my brothers, she hadn’t done anything wrong and I had
no right to lash out at her about it. I was pissed, however… very fucking pissed.
“Whatever,” I said finally, still fighting to rein in my temper. “Did you do anything else?”
She shrugged.
“I mean, I drew and stuff. I actually drew you a picture, it’s on your desk,” she said, starting
to get up as I held onto her, telling her she could show me in the morning. She settled back
into my chest and sighed. “I studied, too. A lot.”
“Good,” I said, glad she’d gotten the chance to do that. She seemed to fucking love learning
all of the material for the GED testing, absorbing every piece of information happily. She
was quickly picking things up and I knew it wouldn’t be too long until she was ready to test.
“I’m glad you had a good time. We can talk some more about it tomorrow. How about we
get some sleep now?”
She murmured in confirmation and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. I rubbed her
back gently as she drifted off to sleep, unable to shut my mind off despite my exhaustion.
She shifted off of my chest eventually and rolled over, snuggling with her pillow. I gazed at
her for a bit before quietly slipping out of bed. Pulling my pants back on, I crept out of the
room, being careful not to disturb her. I headed down to the second floor and spotted the
light filtering out from underneath Emmett’s bedroom door. I walked over and tapped on
it, and he opened it up with a look of surprise on his face.
“Hey bro, what’s up?” he said. “I thought you’d be crashed with Izzy.”
I just stared at him, my anger boiling back up. “First Beach, Emmett? Seriously? You
fucking took her to First Beach?”
He nodded. “Yeah, she had a blast. We tried to teach her how to play volleyball and I’m
telling you, bro, that girl has absolutely no coordination when it comes to sports. It was
kinda funny, one time she went to hit the ball and…”
“I don’t give a fuck about volleyball, Emmett,” I snapped, irritated that he was acting as if it
was no big deal. “First goddamn Beach? I ask you to do one fucking thing for me and that
was to keep her out of harm’s way, and the minute I’m gone you take her there where he
is?! Are you fucking stupid? I should’ve fucking known better than to think you’d take it
seriously. I mean, just look what the fuck happened last time I trusted you to keep her safe,
you almost fucking let James…”
Before I could finish my sentence he was on me. He pushed me into the hallway and
shoved me against the wall with so much force it knocked the wind out of me. I gasped for
air, fucking stunned, and he pinned me against the wall with his left forearm pressed into
my throat and his fist pulled back. I could see the fucking fire in his eyes and feel his body
quivering with anger as he glowered at me.
“You have some fucking nerve, Edward. How dare you bring that shit up? I made a
mistake, one I’ll never make again. I kept her fucking safe. I made sure no harm came of
her. So I took her to the damn beach, so what? No one hurt her. She had fun. And yeah, he
was there. Why does it fucking matter? Why is it such a damn big deal to you?”
I glared at him angrily and thrust my arms against his chest hard, trying to get him off of
me because he was seriously fucking pressing into my neck and disrupting my ability to
take a goddamn breath. He dropped his arm but didn’t move, obviously refusing to be
swayed that fucking easily.
“You know why it’s a big deal. He’s a danger to her,” I yelled. Emmett shook his head with
irritation.
“Jacob isn’t dangerous and you know it. He’s a fucking prankster and maybe he did you
wrong but he’s not a threat. You need to quit being such a little bitch and get over it,” he
said. My eyes narrowed as my temper flared.
“Fuck you! He knows what she is, asshole,” I spat, shoving him. He took a step backward in
response and anger flashed across his face again as he drew his fist back once more, but
before he could react my father’s bedroom door flung open and he stepped into the
hallway, appearing half-asleep and quite pissed off.
“What the fuck are you boys doing?” he snapped, causing us both to freeze. “Seriously,
what has gotten into you? It’s the middle of the night and I have to work in a few hours and
you’re fighting in my hallway?”
“Sorry,” Emmett said at once, dropping his arm but continuing to glare at me. “I lost my
cool for a minute, but we’re fine now. You can go back to bed, Dad.”
My father glanced between us, still looking upset. “What the Hell are you even fighting
for?”
“Nothing,” I said at once, not wanting to get into it, but Emmett decided not to leave it at
that.
“We were just having a little dispute over whether or not Isabella should’ve gone to First
Beach with me,” he said. My father groaned with annoyance and glared at me.
“Jacob Black, again? You need to get over this shit, son. There are a lot more important
things to worry about in life. Just because you can’t go there anymore doesn’t mean she
isn’t free to go to the reservation if she wants. The sooner you let that sink into your thick
skull, the better off we’ll all be," he said firmly. I glared at him and tried to calm myself
down, because all they had succeeded in doing was pissing me off further.
“This is bullshit,” I said. My father laughed bitterly.
“It is bullshit. It’s bullshit that you’d seriously get into a fight with your own brother over
this. I’m going back to bed and I don’t want to hear another peep from either of you. I mean
it.” He disappeared back into his room and slammed the door. Emmett and I stared at each
other for a moment before he shook his head.
“I know he knows, Edward. I’m not a fucking idiot. And maybe you should trust your
girlfriend more, because she can handle herself. She didn’t hesitate to pistol whip James
and she surely gave Jacob a piece of her mind to defend you, none-the-less. And I gotta tell
you, Jacob looked more afraid of her than she looked of him. She told him she wouldn’t put
up with anyone talking bad about you because you were a good man that loved her and
trusted her. Maybe it’s time you start acting like it,” he said pointedly. “Take your sorry ass
back to bed with her where you belong and quit being such a bitch about the situation
before you drive her away. She’s been controlled more than enough for one lifetime.”
He walked into his bedroom and slammed the door, leaving me alone in the hallway. I ran
my hand through my hair and sighed, still annoyed but not knowing what to think
anymore. I was stunned that she’d stood up to Jacob because of me and felt like an asshole
for snapping on my brother, but I still didn’t like the idea of her near Jacob.
I went back up to the third floor and quietly slipped back into the bedroom, breathing a
sigh of relief when I saw she was still asleep. I discarded my pants on the floor, once again,
and crawled back into the bed. She stirred and turned her body to face me, but remained in
her slumber.
I eventually drifted off into a deep sleep. My body was attempting to recover from such a
brutal week on top of a lack of rest, and I didn’t open my eyes again until well after two in
the afternoon. I stared at the clock in shock, turning to look at the bed beside me and was
even more stunned to find Isabella still sleeping.
“Bella, baby,” I said quietly, reaching over and brushing the hair out of her face that had
managed to fall there sometime during the night. She stirred and opened her eyes, blinking
a few times as she attempted to wake up.
“What time is it?” she asked groggily. I smiled.
“It’s a little bit past two, tesoro,” I said. Her eyes widened in shock as she sat upright
quickly, wincing and clutching her head.
“Whoa, too fast,” she muttered. “How did I sleep so late?”
“Fuck if I know. I just woke up,” I said. “You wanna get some lunch and spend the day
together?”
She nodded, smiling. “Of course,” she said, as I stood up from the bed. I groaned and
stretched, every inch of me still aching.
“We can go to the diner,” I suggested. She sighed and stood up, shaking her head.
“I’d rather not. I’ve gone there every day this past week. I’d prefer to make something since
I haven’t cooked since you left,” she said. I looked at her with surprise.
“You didn’t cook at all?” I asked. She shook her head, smiling softly.
“Nope. I didn’t exactly clean either. Every time I tried to do anything Emmett stopped me
and distracted me by doing something else. He really kept me occupied, I appreciated it so
much,” she said, standing up. I stared at her and felt a pang of guilt for how I’d acted
toward Emmett when he’d clearly done everything he could for her this past week. Instead
of being grateful and fucking thanking him like I should’ve, I yelled at him and basically
told him he’d fucked up, using the incident months ago with James as ammunition. I hated
having my mistakes thrown at me and I’d done the same goddamn thing to him when he’d
done nothing but try to fucking help.
I told her that was fine--she could cook if she really wanted to. We got dressed and headed
downstairs. She disappeared into the kitchen as I wandered into the living room, plopping
down on the couch and kicking my feet up on the coffee table.
“Thank you,” I muttered, glancing over at where Emmett was sitting across the room. He
turned his head to look at me.
“For what? Not kicking your ass when I should’ve?” he asked. I sighed, running a hand
through my hair.
“For looking out for her,” I said simply, looking away from him and focusing my attention
on the television.
“You’re welcome,” he said. We were both quiet after that, falling into a comfortable silence.
Isabella made a homemade pizza for lunch and we sat around eating it while watching
television. We hung out for a while and then she ended up making a big spaghetti dinner
for everyone. We all sat down and ate together at the table, my father appearing only long
enough to eat with us. He looked exhausted and seemed preoccupied, not even noticing
when Emmett was in his face, practically hollering his name. I wasn’t sure what had him so
distracted but I couldn’t deny it scared the fuck out of me, knowing what I knew.
After dinner we headed upstairs, and Isabella snatched a piece of paper up off of the desk
in the bedroom. She handed it out to me and smiled brightly, her eyes sparkling with joy. I
took the paper from her and glanced at it, stunned when I saw it was a pencil sketch of
scenery—grass, trees, underbrush, and flowers. I stared at it, realizing it was somewhere
familiar. It was a place I knew like the back of my hand, a place I’d gone to countless times
over the years. It was the meadow I’d taken her to in order to teach her how to shoot, and
the moment I laid eyes on the drawing I’d recognized it. The sketch was perfect, all the little
things exactly where they were supposed to be--like the small fallen tree that had been
slumped over since the first time I ever found the place shielded partially from overgrowth
and the twisty vines along the edge coming in from the west. Shit most people wouldn’t
even notice was drawn in precise detail, and it was startling because I’d only taken her
there once.
“It’s just a rough sketch,” she mumbled after a moment when I didn’t say anything. I
glanced at her and saw she was watching me cautiously, chewing on her lip nervously.
“It’s amazing,” I said, looking back at it. “How the fuck did you do it, though? How did you
remember the little shit, like the broken tree and the vines?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, I just drew it from memory. I could just picture it.”
“Is that how you draw everything?” I asked curiously. “When you drew the picture of
yourself for me for Christmas and those other pictures you drew--my piano, the Volvo, the
one of me and your mom…”
“How did you know I drew those?” she asked. I glanced at her and smirked.
“I told you I used to sneak into your room every night. I can’t lie, tesoro, it kinda hurt to see
me crumpled up on your floor like that,” I said playfully. She smiled and blushed.
“Something felt ‘off’ about it, like it was missing something,” she said. I shook my head at
the ridiculousness of her statement, because that motherfucker had been spot on down to
the goddamn freckles on my nose.
“Whatever, it was perfect. But seriously, is that how you always draw shit? You just picture
it in perfect detail in your mind?” I asked. She nodded.
“Yes. It’s how I remember most things,” she said.
I gazed at her and smiled, not knowing why the fuck it hadn’t dawned on me before. “Do
you remember what Albert Schweitzer said about the tragedy of life?” I asked, recalling one
of the few quotes of his I actually knew. I remembered when she arrived she had quoted
him because it was the only book she’d ever gotten her hands on. I studied that
motherfucker in school and couldn’t recall half of the shit she did.
“Uh, the tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives,” she said nonchalantly, as if
it were the simplest fucking thing to remember in the world.
“Bella, you can recall a scene in perfect detail after seeing it once. You can quote Albert
Schweitzer from a book you once had. You taught yourself the basics of reading and writing
from brief glimpses at fucking closed captioning on TV. You remember every answer on
Jeopardy. I bet you don’t fucking remember it, but you ‘see’ it, don’t you?” I asked. She
nodded and I sighed, shaking my head. “You’ve got a photographic memory.”
“Really?” she asked. I nodded and she frowned, gazing at me skeptically. “Then why don’t I
remember meeting you all those years ago?”
I stared at her, unsure of how to explain it. “You were still young so it could’ve faded and
photographic memories can be sporadic,” I said. “You can remember random things in
perfect detail but other things, not so much.” I left out the part that her brain probably
blocked that shit out as a defense mechanism since I’d pretty much caused her to get her
first major beating that day.
“Oh,” she said. “And this is good, right? I mean, you don’t think I’m weird or anything…”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Of course it’s good. Actually, it’s fucking great. It means
you’ll probably be ready to take your GED test a lot sooner than I expected.”
“Jasper says he thinks I’ll be ready soon,” she said quietly.

“Yeah? Good. You’ll fucking get a diploma before me then,” I said, smiling at her. I sat the
drawing back down on the bed and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me. I
leaned down and kissed her lips softly. “I missed kissing you.”
“I missed kissing you, too,” she murmured.
“I missed other things as well,” I said, my hands drifting down her back and cupping her
ass. I squeezed it gently and pressed myself into her, feeling my dick start to swell at the
contact.
“I bet you did,” she said playfully. “I missed that from you, too.”
“Really?” I asked, bringing my mouth down and kissing on her neck. “You like that?”
“Of course I do,” she said softly. “With you I do.”
I smirked against her skin. “Well how about we get reacquainted then, tesoro. It’s been a
week.”
She laughed, pointing out the fact that we’d gone more than a week before without any
sexual contact. I told her that shit didn’t count, because that was at the beginning when I
was being patient to get her comfortable with the idea. Now that she was comfortable and
opening up sexually, willing to explore and try new things, all patience was out the fucking
window. I still made sure to do right by her, but going a week without any sexual contact
was damn near unbearable when it was unnecessary.
She crawled into the bed and I pulled her clothes off of her, wasting no fucking time getting
her naked. I kissed down her chest, capturing her nipples between my lips and running my
tongue around them while my hand drifted down between her thighs. I grazed my
fingertips over her clit and started rubbing her, already feeling the wetness accumulating as
her body started to get worked up. She started moaning and grabbed a hold of my shirt,
tugging on it and trying to pull it off of me. I removed my lips and hand from her long
enough for her to pull it off, undoing my pants and kicking those motherfuckers off quickly
in the process. The moment I was exposed she wrapped her hand around my dick and I
groaned, not expecting her to be so forward, but enjoying the fuck out of it that she was.
She started stroking me as my lips found hers, my hand going right back to her pussy.
I slipped two fingers inside her and she moaned, the kiss growing frenzied as her tongue
plunged into my mouth. I kissed her with every ounce of fucking passion I could gather up
and increased the pace of my fingers. I curved them upwards and knew I hit her spot when
she started crying out, palming my dick firmly and stroking it harder. I groaned as I felt my
orgasm bubbling up already and had to pull back from her, knowing goddamn well I
couldn’t cum already. She looked at me dejectedly as I moved away from her grasp but I
chuckled, shaking my head.
“If you make me cum already, I’ll never get inside that pussy and that’s just fucking wrong,”
I said. She blushed and smiled sheepishly, making me laugh again. She could look so
fucking shy and innocent sometimes, but I was learning as time went on that she could be
far from it, as well.
I crawled on top of her, hovering as I nudged her thighs apart and settled between them. I
started pushing myself inside of her, closing my eyes and sighing contentedly as her pussy
wrapped around me tightly and welcomed me in. I’d already had a lot of fucking sex at my
age, but none of it compared to sex with her. I didn’t know if it was because there was
feeling attached to it and we didn’t just come together in body but also in spirit, or if it was
because she and I just naturally fit well together sexually, but I liked to think it was a
combination of both. She was fucking made for me... in mind, body and spirit.
I started pushing into her slowly and pulling almost the entire way back out, wanting to
savor every fucking stroke. I kissed her as I filled her, whispering how much I loved her and
how perfect she was. I always loved dirty talk but I knew Bella would appreciate hearing
how much I loved her as opposed to how much I loved fucking her--although I made a
point to tell her that shit, too.
I increased my pace after a few minutes and she started getting into it, growing more vocal
and responding back to my words. She dragged her hands firmly down my back and paused
with them on my ass cheeks, gripping my flesh firmly and trying to pull me into her harder.
It stunned me at first because I just didn’t expect that shit from her at all.
“You want it harder, baby?” I asked, nipping at her collarbone with my teeth. She hummed
in response and tried to pull me into her again, but I continued to hold back. “Tell me. Tell
me what you want.”
“Ungh, harder,” she whimpered, the sound of it sending a chill down my spine. “I want it
harder. Please.”
I groaned as the word ‘please’ escaped her lips, the fact that she was practically begging
causing the blood to surge furiously through my veins. “Anything you want,” I said,
increasing my pace again and thrusting into her with force. She cried out and gripped onto
me tightly.
“Yes. Like that,” she panted, opening her eyes to look at me, the desire in them intense. I
smashed my lips to hers and kissed her forcefully, biting down on her bottom lip.
“You like it hard and deep?” I asked. “You like it when I drill into that pussy?”
Her face flushed and she blinked a few times, obviously growing even more aroused by my
question. I smirked, knowing that after a week away from me she was just as fucking
desperate for this as I was. “Yes,” she answered, her voice breathy. “Oh God, yes.”
I spread her legs apart wider and tried to go even deeper but the position we were in
hindered me from doing so. I debated putting her legs on my shoulder, instead pulling out
and sitting back on my knees. “Turn over,” I said. She looked at me with surprise but did as
I said, not questioning me. “Get on your hands and knees if you can, tesoro.”
She obliged and I lined myself up and pushed back inside, slamming into her so roughly
that she nearly collapsed onto the bed. She yelled out loudly and arched her back, her body
shuddering. We’d never had sex doggy-style and in doing so, I was able to go a Hell of a lot
deeper than in any position we had been in before, so it dawned on me that I should’ve
been fucking gentle at first in order to acclimate her.
“Are you okay?” I asked, freezing immediately, afraid I’d fucking hurt her. She groaned and
nodded furiously.
“Don’t stop,” she panted, dropping her head down. I stared at her with shock when I
realized that she fucking wanted me to be rough, that she’d meant it when she said she
liked it hard and deep. Christ, when had she fucking become so sexual?
I was hesitant at first but started thrusting into her with force. She was crying out loudly,
her body quivering. I ran my hand up her spine and pushed her back down a bit to change
the angle, her noises growing even louder as she was opened up further and I went in even
deeper. She was practically fucking squealing and screaming my name as I pounded into
her with all I had, fighting to hold back the fucking orgasm that was already trying to come
forth. I had no idea where this newfound kinkiness had come from within her and had no
fucking clue when - or if - it would ever resurface again, so I was enjoying every goddamn
moment of it I could.
“Fuck, Bella, you feel so fucking good,” I grunted, slamming my pelvis into her, the force of
the thrust causing her ass to shake and jiggle. It was a beautiful sight, a sight I’d always
enjoyed because you fucking knew you were hitting it good when you saw it, but it wasn’t
until I had Bella this way that I truly appreciated it. I was gripping her hip tightly with one
hand in order to stabilize her as my other hand caressed her back and gently ran through
her loose hair. I was so fucking tempted to grab a handful of it and tug, but I knew she’d
been snatched around by her hair as a form of abuse and was afraid that shit would freak
her out.
My back was really starting to fucking hurt after a while, every inch of me still goddamn
sore from football camp and movement beginning to become intolerable. I reached my
hand underneath her and started rubbing her clit, wanting to get her off so I could cum
before one of my muscles cramped up. She screeched the moment my fingers grazed across
her sensitive area, a shiver ripping through her body.
“Oh, God,” she said. “Ungh, Edward. I’m going to…Ungh...”
“Tell me,” I said, wanting to hear her say it. “Tell me what you’re going to do.”
“I’m going to… cum,” she whimpered. I pinched her clit between my fingers as she spoke
the word and she cried out again, her body starting to convulse as her orgasm hit her. Her
pussy squeezed me as her body shuddered in ecstasy, sending me over the edge and I
groaned loudly as my own orgasm ruptured through me. I gripped onto her tightly and
thrust a few more times, as hard as I could, spilling into her as I rode her through her
orgasm. Her body started to relax and I gave one last, hard thrust and growled loudly as
pain shot through my back.
“Fuck!”
I pulled out quickly and grabbed my back, collapsing face first onto the bed beside Isabella
with a groan. She sat on her ass to look at me with a shocked and confused expression on
her face.
“Are you okay?” she asked quickly, sounding panicked. I nodded, reaching around and
trying to rub my lower back where the pain was radiating from.
“I’m just… fuck… sore from camp and I think I overdid it there and pulled a muscle or got a
cramp or some shit,” I grumbled. “They worked my ass hard, you know.”
“Really?” she asked, reaching her hand over and pushing mine out of the way, firmly
starting to massage the area. I moaned involuntarily as her touch started easing the pain
while loosening the muscle. “You feel tense.”
I hummed in response, the sound morphing into a groan as she removed her hand from me
and the bed shifted. I glanced over at her and saw her heading into the bathroom, frowning
as she disappeared from my view. She returned a moment later with a bottle of baby oil.
“You are too fucking good to me, tesoro,” I mumbled as she sat back down on the bed and
poured some down my back before placing the bottle off to the side. She started rubbing it
in, her touch firm as she massaged my back.
“You always say that,” she responded. “I don’t want you to hurt. It’s the least I can do and I
really don’t mind. I mean, it’s not like it’s agonizing having to touch you, Edward.”
I chuckled and closed my eyes, just feeling her hands as they kneaded my tense muscles
and worked out the cramp. “You’re really fucking good at this, you know. That day after my
football game when you offered to rub my back, I swear I nearly fucking came in my pants
at how great it felt.”
She gasped and I peeked my eyes at her, smirking when I saw the blush. “I was afraid you’d
be disgusted by me touching you like that,” she said quietly. “But I knew you were hurting
and I wanted to help.”
“Disgusted, Bella? That’s ridiculous,” I said, sad that she’d fucking think such a thing but
knowing up until that point she had no reason to think anything other than that. “I was
fucking turned on.”
She sighed. “Me, too,” she said shyly, her blush growing. “Is that what happened again? Did
you get sackled?” she asked. I started laughing hysterically, shaking my head.
“Sackled, Bella?” I asked with amusement. She glanced at me with confusion, continuing to
rub my back.
“Yeah. Isn’t that what it’s called when you get knocked down?” she asked.
“Uh, when everyone else gets knocked down it’s called a tackle, but when I get knocked
down it’s a sack,” I said. “Two different things.”
“Oh,” she said simply, her blush deepening from embarrassment. “Sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. Don’t apologize. But yes, I got my ass knocked down a few times,” I
mumbled.
“So it was hard, camp?” she asked. “Did you have a good time at all?”
I sighed, closing my eyes once again. “It was all right. I played well, even impressed some of
the college coaches and they mentioned being interested in me playing for them after high
school.”
“Really?” she asked, the excitement in her voice startling. “Like, play football in college and
stuff? Like some of the games they show on TV?”
“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don’t know if I want to go to school in Seattle, though. I kind of
want to get the fuck out of this area, you know? But it’s nice to know the option might be
there,” I said.
“So where do you want to go?” she asked quietly after a moment, her hands continuing to
work on my back. I opened my eyes and gazed at her, smiling.
“Where ever you want to go, tesoro. I’m going to leave that up to you to decide.”
Chapter 60 Changes
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we
leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can
enter another.” -- Anatole France
I stood off to the side and tried to fight back the tears welling up in my eyes, feeling
absolutely ridiculous for getting so emotional. Everyone was gathered in the foyer and
chatting animatedly, the excitement in the air around them palpable. Emmett’s booming
laughter rang out above everyone else, infiltrating my ears and causing the grip I’d had on
myself to falter as a lone tear slipped down my cheek. I reached up and brushed it away
quickly before anyone noticed, glad that for the moment they were all preoccupied.
It was a Sunday afternoon, the twenty-first of August, and it was hard to believe summer
was already coming to an end when it felt as if it had just begun. The month and a half
since Edward’s trip to football camp had been filled with activity, making time slip by us
rapidly. Edward and I went on dates together, usually alone but occasionally with one of his
brothers and their girlfriend. We made trips to Port Angeles and Seattle, visiting art
galleries, museums, aquariums, and zoos. Edward drove me down to the shore a few times,
unable to go to First Beach so he opted for a less populated area to the south of it. We
played in the sand, doing silly things like burying our feet and building sandcastles, and he
even attempted to teach me how to swim but gave up the first time I inhaled water and
started gasping and choking.
Edward had occasionally had football practice at the high school over the weeks and took
me along with him a few times. There were always other people there--family members,
friends, and girlfriends of the players gathered in groups and chatting while their loved
ones practiced, but I always sat off to the side on the bleachers by myself. It was interesting
watching him play and I definitely knew a lot more about the sport now than I had the
previous year. Edward was confident and aggressive out on the field, obviously quite
talented, so it was no surprise people talked about him having the opportunity to play for
bigger teams. It made me proud that he had such potential and I told him that often, but he
always shrugged it off as if it weren’t a big deal. It was a big deal, however, because it was
his future… our future.
We hadn't just spent our days in a bustle of activity; we also spent a lot of quality time
together. We’d go outside and stay there for hours, exploring the forest and hanging out in
the backyard. He tried to teach me how to throw a football and I got the hang of it enough
to toss it back and forth with him, but it was nothing like the perfectly aimed spiral that he
threw every time. I also couldn’t catch very well but I was happy to do it with him, because
it was something that made him happy and I appreciated being included in that part of his
life.
And we definitely did a lot of talking. We talked about anything and everything, even
discussing the possibilities for our future. He told me about places he liked and places he
disliked, but otherwise told me that where we ended up didn’t matter to him as long as we
ended up there together. He was allowing me to choose where our path led us and it was
startling, having something so major in my hands. I was still trying to come to terms with
my potential freedom and he’d opened up an entire world of possibilities with one simple
statement… “The decision is yours.” He told me that the sky was the limit, because he had
enough money that we could go anywhere my heart desired. I wasn’t even sure where to
begin but he told me there was no rush on deciding because we had time. He wanted to just
enjoy the summer and afterward, when real life caught back up to us and we could no
longer live in our little bubble, we’d start looking into schools and locations.
I did a lot of studying for my GED testing and Edward did a bit himself, saying he had to
take some test called an SAT if he planned to get accepted into college. It was odd studying
alongside Edward, and when I expressed that to him he simply told me to get used to it
because it would be something that happened regularly in years to come. I smiled at that
notion, the idea of really going to school somewhere and learning at the same time as him.
He worked out in the mornings, getting up early and going for runs or heading to the
school to lift weights. It was a routine that took up a few hours of his day and was the only
time the two of us were ever really apart. I’d spend the time cleaning, not wanting to
neglect the household entirely even though Edward told me it was unnecessary and had
even gone on a rant at one point saying they were all adults and could look after
themselves. I asked him if that meant he planned on doing his own laundry from then on
and he simply smiled sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. Adult or not, he didn’t know the
first thing about operating a washing machine and depended on me for clean clothes.
I often reminded Edward that just because my freedom had been alluded to didn’t mean
that I was already free. I was still under Dr. Cullen’s control and he could still do with me as
he pleased. Until he was no longer my master, I would continue to do what it was he’d told
me to do that very first day in Phoenix-- I would cook, clean, and obey him the best I could.
And frankly it just felt like it was simple common courtesy at that point; I lived in their
home and gave nothing in return for it so the least I could do was cook dinner and mop a
few floors.
I wasn’t sure if Dr. Cullen even noticed, though. I rarely saw him outside of the normal
seven o’clock dinner which he usually didn’t even show up for anymore. He was in and out
of the house, always either working at the hospital or locked away in his office. I grew
worried for him and brought it up to Edward once, but he told me it was best that we didn’t
involve ourselves in his father's business. While I respected that, it did nothing to ease my
concern… especially after what happened to that doctor in Port Angeles. According to the
news they never recovered a body or even any sign that he was in fact dead, but deep down
inside I knew he was. It frightened me to know someone had possibly been murdered
because of something that pertained to my existence, and it made me anxious for every one
else I’d come into contact with. I sometimes worried Dr. Cullen would get harmed, but I
was more concerned about Edward and his brothers accidentally being drawn into the line
of fire.
I’d grown even closer to Emmett and Jasper over the weeks, having spent quite a bit of
time with them, and they truly felt like brothers to me. I had always wondered what it
would be like to have siblings and for the first time in my life, I felt like I knew. It was
wonderful, and made me feel safe and protected, my heart warmed by their presence in my
life. They brightened my days and were always there with a kind word or a helping hand
when I needed it. Their moods were usually so infectious, but standing in the foyer
watching as everyone I’d grown to truly care for in Forks joked around and laughed
excitedly, I felt nothing but devastation.
My heart was breaking, because they were leaving.
Their bags were already packed, their most prized possessions stuffed into the vehicles
parked in front of the house. Jasper was heading to Seattle in a few minutes with Alice and
Dr. Cullen in tow so that they could help him move into his very first apartment near the
university he was attending. Emmett and Rosalie were leaving around the same time as the
others and driving across country to the school they had chosen to attend. Tomorrow
evening Dr. Cullen would board a plane in Seattle, flying out to help them settle in as well.
They all seemed so ecstatic about the changes their lives were about to undertake, happy to
be moving beyond the small town of Forks and life under their father’s roof, but I was
distraught about it. I didn’t like change at all, especially not when I’d finally found some
place where I felt like I belonged.
“Alright, let’s get this show on the road,” Dr. Cullen said as he started down the steps from
the second floor. I glanced up at him, taking in the puffy dark bags under his eyes and the
solemn expression on his face. He looked utterly exhausted and worn down, nothing like
the sharp, confident man that had walked in the front door in Phoenix to purchase me.
Even Dr. Cullen had changed, and I wasn’t sure why but I couldn’t help but wonder if any
of it was my fault. Everyone quieted down at his words and Alice wrapped her arms around
Rosalie, bursting into tears.
“I’m going to miss my best friend,” she declared. Rosalie rolled her eyes and hugged Alice
back casually, but I could see the sadness in her eyes and knew it was merely a façade. If I’d
learned anything about Rosalie Hale the past few months, it was that she was fiercely
protective of those she cared about and that she had a big heart… she just didn’t like
showing that side of herself because it made her look vulnerable.
Jasper said something to Edward that I couldn’t make out, his voice barely a whisper.
Edward nodded and his eyes darted over to me briefly, but before I could even attempt to
decipher their exchange I was scooped up into a hug, my feet leaving the ground as I was
lifted into the air.
“I’m gonna miss the Hell out of you, Izzy Bizzy,” Emmett said, squeezing me tightly. I
laughed and hugged him back, completely caught off guard.
“I’ll miss you, too, Emmett,” I said. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“Oh, no,” he said, sitting me back down on my feet and grinning happily. “Thank you. Not
only did you cook me amazing food, which I’m going to miss like you wouldn’t believe, but
you managed to get my little bro to finally remove his head from his ass.”
Everyone started laughing and Edward groaned, cursing at his brother even though the
smile on his lips didn’t waver. Emmett swung around and went straight for Edward,
grabbing a hold of him and putting him in a headlock. Edward cursed some more and tried
to punch him but Emmett wouldn’t be deterred, instead taking his hand and roughing up
Edward’s hair even more than it already was.
Jasper walked over to where I was standing and pulled me into a hug. “Nella vita - chi non
risica - non rosica,” he said quietly, only audible to me because of the ruckus across the
room where Emmett and Edward were playfully fighting. “Don’t forget it. Nothing
ventured, nothing gained. You take care of yourself, okay? You’ll do great on your GED so
don’t worry. I have faith in you. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and I really can’t wait to
see where you go next.”
His words were overwhelming and I thanked him quietly, feeling another tear slip through
as my composure began to falter. I cleared my throat, trying to get a grip on myself, and
went to brush the tear away but Jasper beat me to it. He wiped my cheek with the back of
his hand, smiling. “I’ll see you often, you know. Thank you for coming along and being my
sister, I always wanted one.”
“You wanted a sister?” Emmett asked loudly from across the room, staggering backwards a
few steps as Edward finally pushed him away. Jasper rolled his eyes.
“Of course I wanted a sister, didn’t you? Why else would we have tried to dress Edward up
like girl when he was little?” Jasper asked. I stared at them in shock as Alice and Rosalie
started laughing, and Edward groaned.
“Hell, I thought we just did that shit to torture him,” Emmett said with a laugh. “It is kinda
nice having a sister, though. She’s a shitload cuter than Edward was, too. He made an ugly
chick.”
Edward shoved Emmett, which only made him laugh harder.
“Suck my dick, all of you,” he said with annoyance, glancing over at me and smiling
sheepishly. “Not you, tesoro. Wait… I mean… well, that just fucking sounded wrong.”
Edward’s brow furrowed and everyone laughed while I started blushing, causing him to
chuckle.
“See you later, Isabella,” Rosalie chimed in across the room. “Don’t let anyone push you
around or try to intimidate you. They aren’t better than you, so don’t let them make you
feel that way. This goes for the whores around Forks, too, because you’re a million times
better than them. They’ll try to cut you down but don’t let them make you doubt yourself.
They’re just insecure and jealous, so keep your head up and keep doing what you’re doing.
They just want what you have for some reason--which I still don’t entirely get, but
whatever. He’s still an asshole.”
“Oh, fuck off, you annoying bitch,” Edward said. I cringed at his use of the word but Rosalie
smirked, obviously intentionally goading him into saying it. I recalled the conversation
where she said that was just how their relationship worked--they cared for each other deep
down, but enjoyed pressing each other’s buttons at the same time.
They said their final goodbyes as Dr. Cullen was ushering them out the front door, and
Edward started strolling over in my direction. Emmett was about to step out onto the porch
but paused in the doorway, turning to glance at his brother. “Take care of my little sister,
man,” he said seriously, eyeing us. The moment the words came from his lips I lost that last
shred of composure and felt the tears start falling freely as Edward nodded.
Dr. Cullen stood in the foyer and watched us curiously as Edward wrapped his arms around
me and pulled me into a tight hug. He started murmuring that it was all going to be okay
and they’d never really be gone from my life. He seemed to know exactly why I was
distraught, but it didn’t surprise me because Edward knew me quite well. Everyone I had
ever allowed myself to get close to eventually got ripped from my life and it was distressing,
but he understood. “You’ll always have me,” he whispered softly to me.
“You kids have a good week and good luck on your testing, Isabella,” Dr. Cullen said quietly
after a moment. I pulled away from Edward’s embrace and glanced at the door where Dr.
Cullen stood, brushing my tears away.
“Thank you, sir,” I said, my voice cracking from my sobbing. He nodded and walked out the
front door without another word, leaving Edward and I alone.
“Let’s do something fun,” Edward said the moment the front door closed. I gazed at him
and he wiped away some of my tears with his fingertips, smiling.
“Like what?” I asked, trying to regain my composure and feeling silly for breaking down as
I had. “I should probably study.” He sighed, shaking his head.
“You’ve studied enough, you don’t want to overwork yourself and burn out before you even
go. You’re ready,” he said confidently. “But we’ve got the house to ourselves the next few
days so we should enjoy it.”
I begrudgingly agreed, not feeling as confident about my readiness as he seemed. After

weeks upon weeks of studying, Edward was finally taking me for GED testing on Tuesday,
and to say I was nervous would be the biggest understatement ever spoken. I’d never done
anything like it before and I was desperately afraid of failing and disappointing everyone
after they’d worked so hard to help me. I wanted nothing more than to lock myself in the
library and study around the clock until it was time to leave for Port Angeles for the test,
but I knew Edward would never go for that.
We ended up spending the day around the house, eating pizza and watching movies. He
played piano for me for a while and I attempted to play that simple little song he’d taught
me on his birthday again, but I wasn’t very good at it at all. We laughed and joked, just
enjoying each other’s company. It never really mattered what Edward and I did, we always
had a great time when we were together.
We awoke Monday and I made us breakfast before we headed out hiking through the forest
to the meadow once again. Edward’s sense of direction always baffled me because we
travelled where there was no real path and yet he very rarely had to look at a compass
during the trip. He just seemed to know where he was going and his feet carried him there.
He thought my memory was good, but things just always seemed to come natural to
Edward and it was as if he really didn’t have to try… it just happened for him.
Edward had mentioned his theory that I had a photographic memory and Dr. Cullen was
hesitant to agree because apparently it was quite rare. He explained the concept of
someone having a photographic memory was so controversial that some scientists and
doctors didn’t even believe such a thing truly existed. Others accepted it as a rare
phenomenon found in roughly two percent of the population and those were mainly
children. He said it could fade or disappear over time, reiterating what Edward had said
about the memories working sporadically and that some even believed a person could use it
at will if they made a conscious effort to memorize something they’d seen.
Dr. Cullen did, however, agree that there was something extraordinary about the way my
memory worked and how I processed information, stating that someone who grew up as I
did shouldn’t logically have been able to learn as quickly as I had. He said he always figured
it would be years before I’d be able to do anything education-wise, which was why he never
even considered enrolling me in any schools or getting me any outside help. My ignorance
at the age of sixteen would’ve raised too many red flags, and people would’ve wondered
why a girl my age couldn’t do something as trivial as long division or a book report.
The afternoon in the meadow was enjoyable. It was a fairly warm day and we lay around on
a blanket, just talking and spending quality time together. He had brought his gun along,
which he stated was for protection in case we came upon any wild animals, but I suspected
that wasn’t his only motivation for bringing it and I had been right. I practiced shooting it
again and he watched with a smirk on his face--apparently I was a lot better the second
time around.
We made it back home just as the sun was setting and ate dinner before heading straight to
bed since we had to get up early. I tossed and turned nervously all night and the moment
the alarm sounded at a quarter after six, I felt nauseated. I leapt out of bed and ran straight
for the bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet and getting sick. Edward staggered into
the bathroom after a moment, still half asleep, and handed me a glass of water and a small
pill. He helped me up off the floor as he explained to me that it was for anxiety and would
relax me so I didn’t drive myself into a panic attack. We took showers and dressed, and I
felt the pill begin to kick in after awhile as a sense of calm came over me. I was still
nervous, but the medication was enough to make me able to function.
We grabbed breakfast and he drove us to Port Angeles, talking the entire time about how
proud of me he was. He said it didn’t matter what happened or what the results were, that I
was brave for being willing to try. I appreciated his pep talk but I was still afraid of
disappointing him because he seemed so confident in me.
We made it to the college in Port Angeles by eight o’clock and he walked me inside,
stopping outside of the classroom door so he could kiss me softly and offer some
reassurance. Jasper and Edward had gone through the specifics with me ahead of time as
far as what I was about to face so I’d be prepared, but he still took a moment to remind me
before I went in. He made sure I knew what to tell them about myself and what questions
not to answer, as well as confirming one final time that I had everything I needed.
He said he’d see me in a few hours before walking away, and I waited until he disappeared
from sight before stepping inside the classroom. I smiled politely at the instructor, feeling
sick once again but attempting to fight it back. It was daunting, there was no doubt about
it, but I was also excited that I was finally doing something for myself. I was bettering
myself as a person, not as a slave, and that was something to truly be proud of.
“Name?” the man asked, not even bothering to look at me.
“Isabella Marie Swan,” I said. He nodded and glanced down a list of names, checking one
off with a pen.
“Driver’s license,” he said simply, holding his hand out to me. I reached into my pocket and
pulled it out, handing it to him nervously. I knew it wasn’t authentic but it had been good
enough to get me through airport security so I didn’t see why it wouldn’t pass with a school
instructor, but it still made me anxious as he looked at it.
He stuck it in a machine and my heart started to beat furiously as I wondered what he was
doing. I was relieved when I realized he was simply making a copy of the license and then
handed it back to me a few moments later. He gave me some paperwork and I sat down in a
desk, filling it out in my best handwriting. It was still sloppy and looked quite juvenile, but
at least it was legible. I passed the paperwork back to him and he glanced through it
quickly.
“Social security number?” he asked. I tensed up and shook my head.
“I don’t feel comfortable giving that out on a piece of paper because of identity theft,” I
said, reciting the words Dr. Cullen had instructed me to say if I was asked for it. They were
voluntary when it came to testing, used solely for the purpose of assigning the student a
number, and I didn’t have one to give.
He grumbled under his breath about me making more work for him and dismissed me,
telling me to take a seat and we’d get started soon. Others filtered in for testing and once
the classroom filled up, he started giving out instructions. I listened intently, not wanting
to make any mistakes and embarrass myself, and then he started passing out the first set of
tests.
Up first was the writing test. I flew through the fifty questions on grammar and
punctuation quickly, finishing with time to spare. The second part of the writing test was
an essay, which was the part I was most nervous about because my writing ability still
wasn’t up to par. I’d done a lot of practicing by filling up those journals with nonsense, but
I’d never really written anything serious before. Jasper had helped me the best he could,
but it wasn’t really something that could be entirely prepared for in advance without
knowing what they’d expect me to write about.
The instructor told us we had forty-five minutes to write on our assigned topic, and I froze
when I glanced at my paper and read mine:
What does it take to be a good parent?
In your essay, describe the characteristics of a good parent. Give specific details to explain
your views. Use your personal observations, experience, and knowledge.
I sat there, staring at the question as the time started ticking away. I could hear people
huffing and sighing as their pens scratched against their papers, but I just continued to
stare at the topic I was supposed to write about. What did it take to be a good parent?
My father was abusive and malicious, and refused to even acknowledge that he’d created
me. I suffered years of torture under his watch and he didn’t even flinch about it, often
participating himself. He sold me with no regard for what came of me, and if Dr. Cullen
hadn’t paid so much money to buy me, chances are I would’ve ended up at an auction
somewhere. He would’ve sold me as a sex slave without thinking twice about it, and
would’ve happily blown the money he earned for me on whiskey and new shoes for his
horrid wife. He’d spend hundreds of dollars for each new pair of high heels that she would
use as weapons against those weaker than her for entertainment. It was sick and twisted.
They were selfish and disturbing, and didn’t have an ounce of compassion for others.
I felt my anger growing and bit down on my lip, trying to contain myself. I intentionally
tried not to think of Charles and Jane because it upset me, and even thinking of my mother
when the subject of Phoenix was raised was painful.
My mother always had the best intentions, but she was just as helpless as me when it came
down to it. She was the best mother she could’ve been given the situation. She hid me to
protect me, and kept me out of the line of fire for as long as she possibly could. She
supported me emotionally to the best of her ability, taught me everything she knew despite
the fact that it wasn’t very much, and she never failed to keep the one thing for me that
even I had lost over the years—hope.
She never gave up hope that I’d someday find a better life, dreaming that her child would
live in a world better than the one she had. All she ever seemed to care about was ensuring
I would someday experience what she never had—freedom. The freedom to love, to make
my own decisions for my future, to learn… the freedom to do exactly what it was I’d been
doing because of the Cullens.
She struggled to raise me for sixteen years so that I could be sitting there, taking the test in
front of me, and I was allowing memory of the man who brutalized her to taint this
moment. It was wrong. I couldn’t let him break me, because the fact of the matter was
Charles Swan was not my parent. He was not my father. Charles Swan was a horrible
person that tortured my mother for his own gratification, and just because he had provided
the biological elements didn’t mean he was anything to me. Renee was the only parent I
had ever had… the only parent I would ever have.
I tried to blink away the tears and clear my vision, desperate to get a grip on myself. I
glanced up at the clock on the wall across the room, stunned to see that over twenty
minutes had gone by since I first read the essay prompt. Time was slipping away rapidly so
I took a deep breath and just started writing. I did my best to mind sentence structure and
grammar while trying to quickly get it all written and ensure it was legible, because I
wouldn’t get any credit at all if they couldn’t read a single word of it. I just wrote whatever
came to my mind when I thought of my mother--about how a good parent supported and
looked out for their children, doing their best to shield them from harm but allowing them
space to handle things on their own when the time came. I wrote about how a good parent
never gave up on their children, always dreaming and encouraging them to dream, letting
them know they had the potential to be great. I had to skim on some of the details when it
came to my own experiences because I couldn’t exactly explain my personal situation, but I
did the best I could.
The instructor called out that time was up just as I was putting a period on the end of a
sentence and he walked by, taking my papers from me. It made me nervous, because I
hadn’t had the opportunity to even look over what I had written, but I knew there was
nothing I could do about it.
The rest of the testing went by smoothly. I struggled a bit on the reading test because it was
interpreting poems and stuff, but I believed I did fairly decent on it. I was only truly
stumped a few times, having no idea what the answer could possibly be, and just made a
random guess since I had a twenty-five percent chance of getting the question right. The
things I picked up from Jeopardy came in handy on the Social Studies and Science
sections, and I stumbled on some of the math until I remembered Jasper once suggesting I
start at the answer and work backwards. All in all I thought I did okay, although I wasn’t
entirely confident I’d passed because of the essay.
The instructor dismissed us at around three-thirty in the afternoon, and I strolled to the
front of the building and stepped outside. I spotted Edward’s car parked in the fire lane
designated for emergency vehicles with the top down and the music blaring, not at all
surprised considering he ignored most parking rules. He had his head leaned back against
the seat and the sun was shining down on him, his pale skin glowing in the rays.
I walked over to the car and pulled the passenger door open, slipping inside and putting my
seatbelt on. Edward turned his music down and put the car in gear, pulling away from the
curb immediately.
“How’d you do, tesoro?” he asked after a moment, reaching over and squeezing my leg
gently. I smiled softly and grabbed his hand, linking our fingers together.
“Okay,” I said. He glanced over at me and nodded.
“Alright,” he responded quietly. I waited for him to press me for more information, but he
didn’t. He continued to hold my hand in my lap, his thumb gently rubbing against my
thigh. “That was the longest fucking almost eight hours of my life. I swear to Christ there’s
nothing to do in this fucking town.”
“I’m sorry,” I said automatically, feeling guilty that he’d been forced to spend all that time
waiting on me to take a test.
“Don’t apologize for that shit, Bella. I was happy to do it. I’m glad you got the chance to
take it,” he said. “I’m proud of you. I don’t think I’ve told you that enough.”
I smiled. “Thank you. That really means a lot to me, Edward.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, leaning his head over in my direction. I kissed his lips quickly
and he pulled away to focus back on the road. We both grew quiet again, neither one of us
saying much the entire drive back to Forks. We arrived at the house and I went right to the
kitchen to make something to eat because I was famished. Edward sat down on the counter
beside the stove and watched me curiously as I cooked.
“Are you making Mexican?” he asked after awhile. I nodded.
“Enchiladas Suizas,” I said, pausing. “They were… uh… are my mom’s favorite.”
He nodded, looking at me with a curious expression on his face. “It looks good.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“We can eat and watch a movie or something,” he added quickly.
“Okay,” I said.
“Or maybe we’ll play a game,” he said.
“Okay.”
“Actually, maybe we’ll just go straight to bed,” he said. I shrugged.
“Okay,” I said once more.
The room grew silent and I glanced over at Edward after a moment to see he was staring at
me with an angry expression on his face. I froze immediately, startled. “Are you okay?” I
asked hesitantly, worried about his shift in demeanor.
“I’m perfectly fine,” he said, the frustration clear in his voice. “You, on the other hand, I’m
not so sure about.”
“What do you mean?” I asked with confusion, unsure of what he was talking about, but it
was obvious something had him upset.
“What I mean, Bella, is that something’s bothering you. Do you realize since I picked you
up you’ve barely said a dozen words to me and half of them were ‘okay’? You know how I
feel about that shit and you stopped doing it a long time ago. Did something happen when
you were testing? Did someone say something to you or upset you? Because I swear I’ll fuck
them up if they offended you in any way,” he said firmly, the anger in his voice escalating
with each word.
“No,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “No one said anything to me, really.”
“Did you fail?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. “Did you freak out or
something and bomb it? It’s fine if you did, you can take it again later when you feel more
prepared.” I sighed.
“No. I mean, well, I don’t know but I don’t think I failed. I think I did okay,” I said, cringing
as I spoke that word again. He groaned and ran a hand through his hair with annoyance.
“Then what’s wrong? Because something obviously is,” he said pointedly. I shrugged.
“I don’t know, I guess I just have a lot on my mind. My essay question today was about
what makes a good parent and it got me thinking about my mom,” I said. “I really am okay,
though. And I know you hate that word but I mean it. And I really don’t care what we do
tonight as long as I get to spend it with you,” I said as he stared at me silently, seeming to
absorb everything I’d said.
“You miss her,” he stated after a moment. I nodded
“A lot,” I said softly.
“You wanna talk about her?” he offered, his voice quiet and genuine, all traces of anger
melted away. “You don’t have to keep that shit to yourself and let it eat at you. You can talk
to me, I’m always here to listen.”
I sighed, shrugging. “I know I can talk to you. It’s just… I guess I don’t really know what to
say. I worry about her and miss her, and I’ll probably never see her again to tell her I love
her. I, uh… I never told her when I left.”
“Never told her what?” he asked curiously.
“That I loved her,” I said quietly, feeling my eyes well up with tears. “We never said it much
and it hurts me to even think about it now, because I used to wonder if we even really loved
each other. It’s easier to be detached, because people die and that can rip you apart, but
I’ve learned that it’s better to be willing to be ripped apart and chance it than to play it safe.
That’s something I learned here… something I learned from you. And I realized today that
my mother really did love me, and that she was the best mother I could’ve ever asked for.
And I never told her that. I never even told her I loved her.”
I choked up at the end, a sob escaping my throat. I brought my hand up quickly to cover my
mouth and Edward jumped down from the counter. He wrapped his arms around me
tightly as my tears started falling, loud sobs coming from me despite my best effort to hold
them back. He started rocking me and I wept in his arms, an ache in my chest from my
emotional torment.
“I’m sure she knows you loved her, Bella,” he said softly, rubbing my back gently as he held
me. “I mean, she’s a mom. Mom’s just know that shit, ya know?”
“I know,” I mumbled, holding onto him. “I just wish I would’ve told her. I wish I could tell
her.”
“I wish you could, too,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “I really wish there was more I
could do, Bella. I really fucking do, but some shit is out of my hands.”
“I know, Edward,” I whispered. “I don’t expect you to do anything. And I really shouldn’t be
bawling about this to you, because it’s wrong. You have more to grieve about than me. My
mom’s still alive and you lost yours…”
He flinched when I spoke the words, anger flashing in his eyes and causing me to taper off.
I immediately wondered if I’d just said the wrong thing, not meaning to upset him in any
way. I tried to apologize quickly but he brought his hands up and pressed his pointer finger
to my lips in order to silence me.
“It’s not wrong,” he said seriously after a moment. “You’re right when you say that your
mother is still breathing and mine’s not. But what you fail to realize is my mother lived,
when yours hasn’t. My mother was free to make her choices and she did exactly that. She
made fucking decisions and saw them through, and she died because of that. That’s why my
mom’s dead, Bella. She’s dead because she chose to do shit that got her killed, and it really
fucking sucks but it was her life. Your mother has never been able to make a decision of her
own and because of that, she’s never lived. It’s better for someone to have a short life, than
for someone to have no life at all, and for that reason you have more to grieve over than I
do. At least mine got a shot at life. And that, Bella… that is something I learned from you.
And because of that, I’m going to fucking make sure you get the chance to live.”
I stared at him, stunned, and opened my mouth to respond but he pressed his finger to my
lips again. “You’re going to burn dinner, tesoro,” he said gently, subtly telling me that no
words were necessary. I nodded and turned back to the stove, finishing the enchiladas
quietly. Tears continued to slip from my eyes and I brushed them away with the back of my
hand, wishing they would stop.
We ate together at the table in relative silence, Edward declaring at one point that I was
just as good at cooking Mexican as I was at Italian. After dinner was finished I headed into
the kitchen to clean up, putting the leftovers away in the refrigerator. I’d made a lot out of
habit and felt ridiculous for it, knowing most of it would go to waste now that Emmett was
gone from the house. That thought brought the ache back into my chest as I fought back my
tears once more… I was really going to miss Emmett and Jasper.
Edward and I went to bed early, both of us still in dismal moods after our discussion in the
kitchen. He held me and rubbed my back as I drifted off to sleep, falling into a restless
slumber.
The next flew days flew by in a blur. I had no idea when Dr. Cullen would return, but I was
growing accustomed to it just being Edward and I, and dreaded the moment that it would
come to an end. It was like getting a glimpse at our future together and I loved every
moment of it. We stayed quite busy, going out to dinner and to the movies, spending time
out doors and visiting the art gallery in Port Angeles again.
It was Friday afternoon, and Edward and I were sitting in the living room watching a
movie. It was called Pulp Fiction and Edward said it was one of his all-time favorites, but I
found it quite strange. I got confused at a few points and Edward tried to explain it to me,
but nothing he said seemed to make sense either and I wondered if he even truly knew
what was happening in the movie. They told a joke about a tomato at one point in the
movie and I laughed hysterically, recalling Jacob Black telling it to me once and
remembering that I hadn’t found it humorous then. Edward looked at me with curiosity
and I just shrugged it off, telling him I found it funny. I didn’t want to put a damper on our
time together with talk of Jacob.
The movie came to a close and the credits started rolling as I stared at the screen with
confusion. “Uh, Edward?”
“Yeah, baby?” Edward asked, sounding quite amused about something. I glanced over at
him and saw the smirk on his face and a humorous twinkle in his eyes.
“What was in the briefcase?” I asked hesitantly, not understanding what was going on. I’d
just sat through over two hours of a movie only to be completely baffled at the end.
He chuckled. “We don’t know, Bella.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Did they forget to tell us?” I asked. He started laughing
hysterically, shaking his head.
“They didn’t forget to tell us, they just didn’t tell us. It didn’t really matter what was in it,”
he said.
“It doesn’t?” I asked, not understanding at all. “If it didn’t matter, why’d they keep showing
it?”
He continued to laugh and grabbed a hold of me, pulling me into a hug. “You are too
fucking cute sometimes,” he said with amusement before pressing his lips to mine. He
continued to chuckle throughout the kiss, nipping at my lip playfully. It was a habit of his,
biting my bottom lip while we kissed, and something I’d grown to love. The act just
screamed ‘passion’ to me, almost like it was primal.
He pushed me back onto the couch and climbed over me with his body against mine. I
could feel the bulge in his pants pressing into my thigh and I moaned into his mouth,
causing a light growl to escape his throat. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled up
on it, and he broke the kiss so I could take it off of him. His lips started wandering down
my jaw line as I tossed his shirt to the floor, his mouth vigorously licking and sucking on
my neck. It made my entire body tingle, warmth spreading throughout me. He grabbed my
leg as he continued to assault my flesh with his lips, moving it to the side so he could shift
his body in between my thighs. I moaned once more as he pressed himself right into me,
his erection rubbing against the spot that was desperate for his touch. His hand started
running up and down my thigh as he ground his hips into me.
“I love you,” he blurted out randomly, pulling his lips from my neck and gazing at me as he
ran his hand under my shirt. He slid it underneath my bra quickly, pushing the material
away. He cupped one of my breasts and ran his thumb lightly over the nipple, causing it to
perk up instantly.
I began to tell him I loved him but was cut off abruptly by the front door opening and
slamming. Edward froze as swift footsteps started through the foyer toward us, turning his
head in that direction to look with a panicked expression on his face. He slid his hand out
from underneath my shirt and sat up quickly just as Dr. Cullen walked in the room. He
froze suddenly and stared at us, the expression on his face causing my heart to pound
erratically. There was intense fire in his eyes again and while I had no idea what caused it, I
knew for a fact that nothing good could come of it. He glanced between the two of us
almost frantically and his anger only seemed to intensify. I sat up at once and quickly tried
to fix my clothes as I scooted back from Edward to give him some room, knowing the two
of us in such an intimate position wouldn’t help keep Dr. Cullen calm.
A very tense silence fell over the room and felt like it lasted for an eternity, but in reality it
was mere seconds. Edward shifted his body protectively in front of mine almost upon
instinct, and Dr. Cullen clenched his hands into fists, attempting to control his rage.
“My office. Now,” he said, his voice sharp and rushed like he was in a panic. My brow
furrowed as I became even more confused, because Dr. Cullen never panicked. He always
seemed calm and in control, even when he was angry. I couldn’t begin to imagine what had
him flustered and I suddenly felt sick at the possibilities. Had something happened to one
of the boys? Had Edward or I done something wrong?
“Who?” Edward asked tentatively as Dr. Cullen turned and started walking away.
“You,” he snapped, his footsteps swiftly heading through the foyer to the stairs. “Now,
Edward!” He started climbing the stairs in a rush and Edward stood up quickly, glancing at
me with a panicked expression on his face. Until that moment I had hoped I’d been
overreacting, because I was still quite sensitive when it came to Dr. Cullen’s moods, but it
was clear he’d startled Edward just as much as he had me.
“Come on. Go up to our bedroom and stay there until I come up,” he said firmly, grabbing
my hand and pulling me up from the couch. He let go of my hand and grabbed his shirt
from the floor before heading for the stairs rapidly. I followed behind him the best I could,
but his legs were longer and I couldn’t seem to keep up. He took the steps two at a time as I
scurried to get up them, rushing past him for the second flight of stairs when we reached
the second floor. I hesitated as he went straight for Dr. Cullen’s office door, thrusting it
open without bothering to knock and slamming it shut without another glance at me. I
stood there for a second, not wanting to leave him because I was worried but wanting to
hide because I was frightened, and finally decided to just follow Edward’s directions.
I dashed up to the third floor and went straight into the bedroom, shutting the door behind
me. I debated locking it in my frightened state, knowing the lock wouldn’t keep harm out
but it would alleviate a bit of my anxiety with a false sense of security. I eventually opted
against it because I didn’t want to lock Edward out. I started pacing the floor, my mind
furiously trying to work through all of the possibilities of what could be going on. I couldn’t
think of anything that either Edward or I had done that would upset Dr. Cullen, so I was at
a loss for why he was so distressed.
I listened attentively for any noises coming from below as I paced, but my ears were met
with complete silence. No angry yelling. No screaming. No disturbances. No commotion at
all. And instead of calming my fear, the silence only seemed to intensify it. If they were
yelling or fighting at least I’d know what was going on, at least I’d know Edward was okay.
The silence only served to fuel my imagination as I conjured up wild scenarios--none of
them even remotely good--so by the time I finally heard movement I’d really worked myself
into a panic.
My heart was pounding furiously and my hands were shaking, fear coursing through me as
a door downstairs slammed. Footsteps hurried up the stairs and my heart started thumping
even harder, so frenzied that I could practically feel the blood rushing through my body,
the sound of it echoing in my ears. I started to feel dizzy and froze in place; dread coursing
through me as the footsteps neared at a rapid pace.
The door was flung open so hard it slammed into the wall with a bang, and I jumped,
completely startled. Edward hurried into the room without even looking at me, heading
straight for his closet in a rush. He started throwing things around while cursing to himself
and I stood still, frozen in confusion. He quickly tossed two duffel bags onto the bed and
my eyes widened in shock as he started throwing clothes into them.
“Pack some shit, Isabella,” he said, his voice grave. “We’ve got to get out of here.”
“What?” I said quickly, not daring to move an inch, afraid I’d pass out or get sick if I did.
He groaned with impatience.
“I said pack some fucking clothes,” he spat. “We’ve got to go, hurry up!”
He headed into the bathroom and started scouring around for something, tossing things
around in a rush. I gaped at the bags on the bed and felt woozy, uncertainty and terror
nearly making me buckle. He was packing to leave, and that frightened me because I had
no idea what was going on and he wasn’t explaining anything. I wanted to ask, desperately
wanted him to explain, but I was afraid of what the answer would be. Because the way he
was rushing around in such a flustered state hinted at one thing, and that worried me
beyond words.
He wanted to run.
There was no other explanation that made sense. Something had happened with Dr. Cullen
which had sent him into a panic, and now Edward wanted to run. He always said we’d run
away together if it came down to it, but I never thought it would be necessary to do so.
Things had been so great lately, all the talk of freedom and our being together made me
believe that this would never happen. Why would we ever have to run if they were going to
let us be together, if no one was going to try to tear us apart? Why would we run away if
they were going to free me?
The moment the thought hit me I felt sick and tried to hold it back, not wanting to collapse.
Had they changed their mind? Were they not going to free me, after all? Oh God… was
something going to happen to me?
I staggered a few steps toward the bed and sat down as my vision began to fade, signaling I
was close to fainting. I could hear Edward scurrying around but Dr. Cullen’s words were
echoing through my mind, confusing me. I’d promised him I’d never run. He told me if we
ever ran we’d be found and Edward would end up hurt, and I loved him entirely too much
to allow that to happen. And I swore I wouldn’t follow Edward blindly, knowing he was
irrational and volatile. I couldn’t just disobey my master, could I? It went against
everything I’d ever been taught growing up. You always obeyed a master’s orders, no
matter what they may have been or what they meant for you.
Edward walked out of the bathroom and froze, gaping at me with confusion. “Why are you
just sitting there?” he asked frantically, tossing some stuff into one of the duffel bags.
“Fuck, Bella. Pack some shit, quick. We don’t have time for this!”
I stared at him as my thoughts swirled around madly in my mind. He groaned in

annoyance and started tossing more clothes in the bags, grumbling to himself but I couldn’t
make out the words as I tried to work through what was going on. What was I supposed to
do?
Edward zipped both bags up after a second and grabbed them, holding his hand out to me.
I stared at it and started hyperventilating as my eyes welled up with tears.
“Let’s go,” he said simply. The moment the words rolled from his tongue my mind was
made up, consequences be damned. I had to go. I trusted him and it might’ve been illogical,
but I had to believe that he wouldn’t lead me astray.
I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up from the bed and toward the door. We hurried out
and down the steps with such a rush that I nearly tripped and fell. We hit the foyer and
Edward pulled the front door open quickly, rushing me outside, but footsteps behind us
distracted me. I turned around and fear shot through me as I saw Dr. Cullen stepping out
of the room under the stairs, my knees nearly giving out on me at the thought that we’d
been caught before we even made it out the front door.
Edward froze and stared at his father, who eyed us both with a serious expression on his
face. “Be careful,” Dr. Cullen said after a second, the words causing confusion to erupt
inside of me. He was telling us to be careful? He wasn’t forbidding us from going, he wasn’t
threatening my life or standing in our way? It didn’t make sense at all. What was going on?
Were we even running at all?
“We will,” Edward said, pulling me out onto the porch. He didn’t even bother to close the
front door in his haste, leaving it standing open as we headed for his car. He unlocked it
quickly and tossed the bags in the backseat, motioning for me to get in. I sat down and he
slammed the door, the sound causing me to jump and yelp. Edward got in the driver’s side
and started the car up, thrusting it into gear and slamming his foot on the gas pedal. The
tires spun, sending gravel flying as he sped away from the house.
I struggled to get my breathing under control but I was completely bewildered and still
frightened. Edward pulled out onto the main road and started speeding through the streets
in a rush. “What’s going on?” I managed to get out after a moment, my voice cracking from
anxiety. He glanced over at me and sighed.
“Just relax, alright? It’s under control,” he said calmly. My brow furrowed as I stared at
him with confusion.
“It’s under control?” I asked, stunned. “Why are we running? Did something happen?”
He shook his head. “We just needed to get the fuck out of there before they showed up,
okay?” he said. “It’s fine, we’re fine.”
I gaped at him as he pulled up to the only red light in Forks and stopped. “Who?” I asked.
“Before who showed up, Edward?”
“Them,” he said, his voice low and cold as he glared straight ahead. I stared at him for a
moment, not understanding at all, before looking across the street where his gaze was
fixated. I froze and dread coursed through me when my eyes came upon the four sleek
black vehicles sitting at the same red light as us, facing the opposite direction.
“Are they…?” I started, unable to even finish the question because I knew the answer. It
made sense now why he’d been in such a rush.
“La cosa nostra,” he said, the Italian words flowing beautifully but the knowledge of what
they meant sending a chill down my spine. The mafia had come to Forks again.
“Is he… I mean, you know…” I stammered, unsure of what I was trying to say but Edward
seemed to know, regardless.
“Yes, James is coming,” Edward said. “A lot of them are, which is why we’re getting the
fuck out of this place.”
The light turned green and Edward started through the intersection, slamming the gas
pedal and speeding up after we were past the cars. He drove quietly, reaching over and
turning on the little computer on his dash that gave directions. He punched some stuff in
and relaxed back into his seat.
“You might want to get comfortable because it’s a long fucking drive,” he said after a
moment, reaching his hand over to grab mine.
“Where are we going?” I asked hesitantly.
“Phoenix,” he responded quietly.
My eyes widened in shock as a dozen different emotions hit me at once. Disbelief, euphoria,
apprehension, excitement, fear… a lot of fear. Fear so intense that it nearly stole the breath
from me, causing my chest to constrict and my eyes to well up with tears.
“Phoenix?” I managed to choke out through the lump that had developed in my throat. He
nodded and squeezed my hand gently.
“Yes. We’re going to Phoenix.”
Chapter 61 Hell
“If you are going through hell, keep going.” -- Winston Churchill
I glanced over at Isabella in the passenger seat, frowning when I saw the way her neck was
angled. She was curled up the best she could with the seatbelt on, her head flopped over
onto her shoulder. Her sleep was restless with a pout on her lips, and often she would shift
around and mumble something incoherently in a distressed voice. She looked distraught,
missing that soft expression of contentment that she usually wore when she slept. There
was still an angelic quality about her, though, with the way her skin glowed and her hair
shined in the moonlight streaming in through the window. She was so beautiful, just the
sight of her made my chest swell and my heart start fucking acting up from the intense love
I felt, but I continued to frown despite her radiance. She looked like an angel that had
fallen from Heaven and found Hell on earth, tortured and troubled, and I was being
plagued with a really fucking bad feeling as I looked at her.
It was fucking ridiculous, but it had really been eating at me all goddamn week. I wasn’t
sure what it was or even what the fuck it meant, but it was constantly there, lurking in the
background. It was like a black cloud lingering in the air that was about to let loose, but the
problem was that you didn’t know when, where, or even how it was going to come down. It
could be just an annoying drizzle where an umbrella wasn’t even really necessary, or it
could be a fucking flood where you needed a goddamn boat to wade through it. There was
no way to truly prepare for the upcoming storm because there was no way to predict what
would happen when it struck… all you fucking knew was that goddamn cloud was there,
taunting you.
Yeah… I had a fucking bad feeling.
It crept up on me Sunday when we were saying goodbye to my brothers. That shit was a lot
harder than I expected it to be, but I held it together because it wasn’t as if I wouldn’t see
those fuckers again. Jasper would be home frequently since Alice was still in Forks, and
Emmett would visit during the holidays. But it was still difficult watching them leave,
knowing their asses wouldn’t be around the house every day annoying me as usual. Isabella
had taken it hard as well, and had a hard time watching people she’d allowed herself to care
about walk away from her.
It was obvious that my brothers had truly grown to love Isabella like a sister, and that
meant more to me than I could ever fucking explain. To know that they cared about the girl
I loved and would do whatever it took to protect her, just as I would, was a good goddamn
feeling. I couldn’t help but wonder how Mom would feel seeing the girl she had been so
damn desperate to save becoming a member of the family. I liked to think she’d be proud of
us all, me included, even if I had done a lot of fucked up stuff over the years to disappoint
her.
Jasper told me as he was leaving that if I ever needed him he’d be there in a heartbeat,
telling me to always put Isabella’s well being first. I nodded, planning to do exactly that. I
would always look out for her, no matter what.
I tried to push that bad feeling away when they were departing, figuring it was just the
day’s events getting to me, but it was still there on Monday when we hiked to the meadow,
and even stronger on Tuesday when I took Isabella to test for her GED. In fact, it was so
severe at that point that I sat out in the goddamn school parking lot for hours, afraid to
leave the vicinity in case something happened. It was ridiculous, because what the fuck
could happen to her in a classroom? Was she going to stub her fucking toe on the corner of
a desk, accidentally stab herself with a pencil or get a goddamn paper cut? I felt like I was
acting absurd and overbearing by hovering but I couldn’t help it. That fucking feeling just
wouldn’t go away.
Her mood after she finished testing didn’t help either. She was obviously upset and
distracted, slipping into those slave mannerisms that she knew I despised. She was short
with me, giving me one or two word answers and basic pleasantries, like she wasn’t even
fucking listening to a word I said and was just responding as a reflex. I sat back quietly and
waited for her to snap out of it, half expecting her to start calling me fucking ‘sir’ with the
way she was acting, but after awhile I couldn’t take it anymore. I called her out on her
behavior and she admitted that she was upset about her mother, surprising me because it
was the last thing I expected to hear come out of her mouth when I asked her. I thought
maybe she had panicked when taking her test and bombed it but was afraid to tell me,
never even considering it would be something serious. I felt like an asshole for my
impatience about her mood but didn’t understand why she didn’t just fucking tell me in the
first place instead of letting it eat at her.
She started sobbing, truly breaking down over her mother for the first time since coming to
live with us, and I just held her while she let it out. She mentioned my mom and that shit
fucking hurt, but I pushed aside my anger and pain because I needed Isabella to
understand that her own pain wasn’t ridiculous at all. She had a right to fucking hurt. Yes,
her mother was still breathing, but I couldn’t imagine how the fuck I’d feel if the woman
who created me, raised me and loved me had been enslaved. In my opinion, death was
probably better than that shit and while I held her, I wondered if she had ever considered
that. During those years of torture she endured, had she ever once thought about just
ending it all? I had always thought suicide was a fucking cop-out but at least with death the
suffering would end… even if others started suffering as a result of it.
I didn’t ask, though, because as curious as I was I didn’t really want to fucking know the
answer. I couldn’t imagine a world where she didn’t exist, and didn’t even want to fucking
consider how my life would be if she had died before I ever got the chance to know her.
The rest of the evening was solemn, that grave feeling never letting up. The rest of the week
went along in a similar fashion and by the time Friday rolled around, I was beginning to
think I was really going to fucking lose it. We’d had a great week together and nothing even
remotely bad actually happened, so I couldn’t figure out why the goddamn feeling was still
fucking there. It just felt like there was something fucking lurking around the next corner,
just waiting to pounce on our asses at any second.
I thought maybe I was just being pessimistic, because it was in my nature to assume the
worst about shit so I tried to just push it aside and forget about it. But the moment the
front door slammed and the footsteps hurried toward us in the living room that afternoon,
my anxiety intensified and I quickly pulled away from Isabella to face whatever the fuck
was coming for us. I had no idea what it was, but I was positive that it wasn’t going to be
good at all.
Like I said, I just had a bad goddamn feeling.
My father froze as soon as he spotted us, looking completely frazzled and alarmed. I could
see the fury in his eyes and the panic in his expression and it scared the fuck out of me,
because it was clear I’d been right. The fucking storm had come, and based upon his
expression, it was going to be a bad one.
My heart started pounding vigorously in my chest, and it felt like the motherfucker was
going to stop or explode. I tried to keep calm for Isabella’s sake and automatically shifted
my body to block hers, my movement causing my father’s fury to grow. I stared at him and
wondered what the fuck was happening, the worst-case scenarios plaguing my thoughts.
Someone had fucking found out she was a principessa, something had happened to
someone, the fucking cops were coming… they all hit me at once and I nearly started
hyperventilating at the idea of everything crumbling around us just when things were
finally fucking looking up.
He barked for me to come to his office right away and I told Isabella to go upstairs, not
wanting to leave her down there alone. I headed straight for the office, not bothering to
knock because there was no time for that bullshit. I stepped inside and he glanced up at me
with intense panic, the sight nearly bringing me to my knees. He’d been really stressed
lately and you could just fucking tell that he hadn’t been sleeping much at all, but standing
inside the office he appeared to be truly deranged. He looked like a man on the verge of
snapping and just shooting any motherfucker that got in his way. He was clearly a man on
a mission, but he was goddamn unstable and that was frightening.
“They’re coming,” he said simply, hunching over his laptop and typing furiously away at the
keys. My brow furrowed in confusion at his vague statement.
“Who?” I asked.
“Who, Edward? You’re fucking asking me who?” he snapped, glaring at me angrily. “Ed
McMahon and the fucking prize patrol, coming to give us a check. Who do you think is
coming?”
I stared at him with shock, caught off guard by his hostility and mocking tone. “Feds?” I
asked hesitantly, oddly hoping I was fucking right with that guess. I never thought I’d ever
hope for a visit from the goddamn police, but the alternative was even worse.
“I wish,” my father muttered, shaking his head. “I could handle the police and frankly, it’s
only a matter of time before they come knocking, too, but no… we’re not that lucky today.”
“Borgata,” I said quietly. He didn’t respond but it was unnecessary, because it was the only
other fucking thing that made sense. He sighed loudly as he finished typing, reaching up to
pinch the bridge of his nose.
“There are at least a dozen of them, maybe more. I don’t know exactly. I just got a call a few
minutes ago from Alec; he caught word that they took a plane to Seattle and were coming
straight here with no fucking warning. They just came. I don’t know why, and I have no
idea what they want. Alec’s travelling on business himself and had no knowledge of a trip to
Forks planned, so he was just as out of the loop as I am,” he said quickly, starting to open
up desk drawers and pull out files, rifling through them in a hurry.
“What does that mean?” I asked, confused. He shook his head frantically.
“I don’t know, Edward. I don’t even know which one of us they’re fucking coming for,” he
said pointedly. I tensed up at his statement, dread hitting me as that bad motherfucking
feeling escalated. “I very highly doubt they’d come out here to kill me so I’m not concerned
about myself. If Aro wanted me dead he’d call a sit down. I’m hoping they’re just coming
for business with me, but frankly it could be one of you they’re after so I need to get the two
of you out of here just in case. She shouldn’t be around them, it’s not safe for her, and I
don’t want you here so Aro can make another play at getting you to initiate. It’s just entirely
too fucking dangerous, too much could go wrong,” he said panicked. I nodded, not wanting
to be anywhere close to this motherfucker when they arrived.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“I’m waiting on Alec to call back about that,” he said, tossing more files around. “I don’t
think it matters as long as you aren’t here, but he doesn’t think you should be anywhere
without protection, just to be on the safe side.”
“I have a gun,” I said with confusion, unsure of why he was worried about protection. He
knew I wasn’t afraid to pull the fucking trigger if I had to. He glanced at me with
annoyance, obviously not fucking pleased with my statement for some reason.
“I know,” he snapped. “A lot of good one fucking gun does you as a nobody up against
Mafiosi. One of them could go rogue and kill you without thinking twice and no one would
know any better unless you had one of us by your side.”
His phone started vibrating against the desk and he snatched it up, answering it quickly.
The panic in his expression alleviated as he listened intently to the person on the line.
“You’re sure?” he asked. “No, I could play it off. It’s still summer break. Yeah, you vouched
for her already so she’s basically free as it is. Are Swan or your sister going to be a
problem?”
I stared at him with confusion, the mention of Isabella’s father and that demented sister of
Alec’s causing my hands to shake in anger. What the fuck did they have to do with this?
“Are you sure now’s the time to go forward with that? Yeah, you’re right. I get it,” he said,
sighing exasperatedly. “You can do it first thing Monday. I think Isabella will be okay as
long as Edward’s there… or I hope, anyway.”
I tried to work through his words as he finished up the conversation quickly. He hung the
phone up and I started to ask what the fuck was going on when it started vibrating again.
He glanced down at it and panic flashed in his eyes once more as he held his hand up to
silence me. He answered it formally, keeping his voice as even as possible.
“Yes, sir. I’ll be here,” he said before hanging up. He tossed it down on the desk and
glanced at me.
“You need to go pack some bags quickly, they’ll be here in less than thirty minutes. You’re
meeting Alec in Phoenix and I don’t know how Isabella’s going to feel about that, but it’s
necessary. She doesn’t have to step foot on the Swan property if she doesn’t want to,
although I imagine she will want to see her mother. But regardless, at some point she’s still
going to have to see her father on neutral ground for business purposes. Alec will handle all
of that, though. We don’t have time to mess around anymore, we need to get all of this
done before something happens,” he said quickly. I just gaped at him, fucking stunned.
“Phoenix?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yes, that’s what I just said,” he spat with annoyance. “Are you fucking listening to me,
Edward? We don’t have time for you to hesitate on this. Drive as long as you can, pull over
and get a hotel for a few hours to rest, and then drive some more. You got that? Now hurry
the Hell up because you need to be gone before they get here or the entire plan will go up in
smoke.”
“Okay,” I said immediately, pausing for only a fraction of a second but long enough to
anger my father.
“Now,” he snapped, his voice low and forceful. “Get the fuck out of here before James
shows up and she’s traumatized even more.”
I bolted from the room at the mention of that evil motherfucker, hurrying upstairs. I threw
the door open and started tossing shit around immediately, telling Isabella we had to get
out of there so she needed to pack. She appeared to be in shock and didn’t move a fucking
inch, just gaping at me as I threw clothes in bags. It irritated me because, Christ, we needed
to fucking leave! I yelled a bit in frustration but tried to keep my anger in check the best I
could, not wanting to be an asshole and frighten her even more than she already was. None
of it was her fault and it was wrong of me to take the shit out on her, but she was just
fucking sitting there and not responding.
I got everything packed and grabbed the bags, holding my hand out to her. She started
hyperventilating and I could see her entire body trembling, knowing she was fucking close
to having a breakdown. The sight of it broke my heart but I tried to push the hurt back
because we didn’t have time to deal with it at that moment. We had to get the hell out of
there.
“Let’s go,” I said. She grabbed my hand without hesitation and I breathed a sigh of relief,
glad she was fucking coherent enough to at least respond to that.
We set out on the road with mere minutes to spare, passing the black Mercedes rental cars
while still inside the Forks city limits. There were four of them, which meant there could’ve
been up to sixteen people total. They’d never showed up with so many before and that
scared the Hell out of me, because my father was definitely in deep and I was fucking afraid
for him, no matter what he said about not being concerned for himself.
I tried to keep my composure and not let my worry show because I didn’t want to upset
Isabella anymore than she already was. She realized we were fleeing because the mafia was
coming and grew quiet, but I could practically feel the fucking anxiety rolling off of her.
After a few minutes, I told her where we were going, and she stared at me briefly as it sunk
in. It was like she was in complete shock but the moment it seemed to truly click, she
started freaking out. She was hyperventilating, gasping for fucking air as she started flailing
around frantically. I slammed the breaks in the middle of the highway, nearly causing a
fucking accident as I pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. I put the car in park quickly
and grabbed a hold of her, releasing her seatbelt and pulling her to me. I told her to fucking
breathe and relax, because she was scaring the shit out of me and turning bright red. I
rubbed her back as she fought to gain control of herself, unsure of what to do. I was afraid
she was going to fucking pass out from a lack of oxygen and I was going to have to perform
CPR or some shit to get some goddamn air into her lungs. The tears were pouring from her
eyes and she looked absolutely distraught, her expression devastating and causing a
goddamn pain to rip through my chest. I didn’t like seeing her like that at all and wanted to
make her fucking pain go away, but I didn’t know how to goddamn do it.
It took a lot of coaxing to get her to finally start calming down. I swore to her that I would
stay by her side as long as she needed me, that none of those motherfuckers in that town
would ever be able to hurt her again. Alec and I would both be there so she’d be safe, and
she had my total devotion, which meant I’d fucking protect her with all I had.
Her breathing evened out and the flush on her face started to diminish as she got a grip on
herself. The more I talked, the more control she seemed to get so I talked until my fucking
throat started hurting. We sat along the side of the road outside of the city limits for well
over an hour as I gave her the biggest fucking pep talk of the century, telling her how strong
and wonderful she was, and how she couldn’t let any of those motherfuckers tear her down.
We got back on the road around six in the evening when she swore to me that she was fine,
even though she remained silent as I drove. She quietly cried to herself, every sniffle
causing my heart to ache even more. I was stressed out and didn’t know what to fucking do
to make it better, so I just reached my hand over to gently caress her skin or hold her hand
when I could in an attempt to soothe her.
She fell asleep eventually and I drove for hours, popping some Adderall that I’d grabbed
from the bathroom when I was packing. I had stopped taking that shit months ago but I
knew it would be a long night and it would keep me alert to drive. It was a quarter after
three in the morning and we'd been on the road for a little over nine hours, flying down the
desolate highway in the darkness. I was growing weary and Isabella looked uncomfortable,
but I wanted to at least make it as far as California before I stopped.
Reaching over, I brushed some hair out of Isabella’s face, tucking it behind her ear. I ran
the back of my hand across her cheek, feeling the roughness from the red blotches left
behind from her crying. She stirred a bit and shifted position, her hair moving to expose a
red mark on the side of her neck. I groaned to myself and ran my finger across it, shaking
my head when I realized I had left a fucking hickey on her. I felt disgusted at the fact that
I’d marked her and pulled her hair over to cover it back up, not wanting to look at that shit.
She’d been fucking battered and bruised, lived her life with constant marks and had
leftover scars as a reminder of it, and I fucking lose myself for a moment and end up
marking her. Yeah, it would fade, but just the sight of it on her soft pale skin made me feel
like shit. She was like a goddamn work of art and I’d childishly splattered some fucking
paint on her beautiful canvas.
I drove for another hour and finally crossed the border into California, stopping when I
reached a fairly small town called Yreka. I parked in front of a Holiday Inn, figuring I
wouldn’t find anything nicer in such a small place. Frankly, I didn't give a shit as long as it
wasn’t unsanitary and had a goddamn bed I could lie down in. I sat quietly in the car for a
second gazing at Isabella before reaching over and gently rubbing her arm.
“Bella, baby?” I said softly. “Wake up, tesoro.”
She stirred and opened her eyes, blinking a few times as she regained consciousness. She
straightened herself up and grimaced, grabbing her neck. She started rubbing it, glancing
around in confusion, and I reached over to move her hand out of the way. I started gently
massaging her neck as she watched me, knowing that motherfucker had to be stiff from the
position she’d been sitting in.
“What time is it?” she croaked out, her voice thick and cracking. She cleared her throat
before continuing, “Where are we?”
“It’s after four and we just got to California,” I said quietly. “I need to get some fucking
rest.”
She looked at me with surprise and nodded, glancing out of the window at the hotel. We
got out of the car and went inside, renting a single room on the second floor. The moment
we stepped inside the room Isabella stripped out of her clothes, climbing into bed in her
bra and panties before I even had the chance to turn the light on. I said ‘fuck it’ and did the
same, stripping down to my boxers and getting in beside her. The bed was nowhere near as
fucking big or comfortable as ours back home, but it would do. She snuggled up to me and I
held onto her tightly, drifting off to sleep almost instantly.
I awoke much later to a brightly lit room, looking around in confusion when I saw I was in
the bed alone. I sat up quickly and glanced at the clock, noticing it was almost eleven in the
morning already.
“Bella?” I yelled, panicked because we were in the middle of fucking nowhere and I didn’t
like not being able to see her. She knew I fucking hated waking up without her in bed with
me.
“I’m in here,” she said quietly from the bathroom. I breathed a sigh of relief and dragged
myself out of bed, stretching and running my hands through my hair. I was sore and still
quite tired, but I knew we needed to check out and get back on the road soon. I moseyed
toward the bathroom and wrapped my arms around her from behind when I saw her
standing in front of the large mirror. She smiled softly at me as I leaned down to kiss the
nape of her neck, tensing up when she brought her hand up and ran her fingers across the
hickey I’d left.
“Fuck, I’m sorry about that,” I said quickly, the guilt of having done it hitting me once
more. It looked even fucking worse in the daylight, bright red with purple splotches in it. “I
didn’t realize I was sucking so hard.”
“Don’t apologize,” she said gently. “It didn’t hurt or anything.”
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “Doesn’t matter if it hurt, I shouldn’t have left a
mark on you. It’s just fucking wrong. I bruised you and you had to deal with that shit
enough, you don’t need my hormonal ass leaving marks, too.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s not the same,” she said, sounding annoyed. “You didn’t do it to
harm me, you did it because you love me. It’s actually kind of nice knowing it came from
your lips.”
I just stared at her. “It’s ugly,” I said, cringing. They looked trashy to me and she was way
too fucking special and classy to walk around marked up like some goddamn cheap
battona.
“It’ll go away,” she said simply, turning around to face me. She gazed into my eyes with
pure adoration and I smiled, kissing her lips tenderly in response. She was quiet for a
moment and brought her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on it nervously, the anxiety I’d
seen the day before creeping back in. She stared at me apprehensively, her expression
causing my own worry to mount and that fucking bad feeling to flare up again. I started
feeling like I was going to be sick from the anxiety brewing in the pit of my stomach but
fought it back, needing to appear strong for her. “Are we close?” she asked quietly, her
voice shaking and barely a whisper. I shook my head.
“No, we’re not even halfway yet. It’s what, eleven now? If I drive straight through, we’ll get
there at about three or four in the morning,” I said, recalling what the navigation system
had estimated time-wise.
“Oh,” she said, the anxiety in her expression lifting some but not entirely disappearing. We
may not have been close yet, but she fucking knew we would be at some point.
“Do you want me to drive straight through?” I asked curiously. She stared at me and
chewed on her lip again, seeming to contemplate my question.
“What are we doing when we get there?” she asked hesitantly. I shrugged.
“I need to call Alec when we get close, but we’ll probably just get a hotel and go to sleep,” I
said. It wasn’t as if we could fucking go to the Swan residence at three in the morning, so
whether we stopped before then or if we drove straight to Phoenix, we wouldn’t fucking see
any of them right away.
“Okay,” she said tentatively, nodding. I raised my eyebrows questioningly at that word and
she smiled sheepishly. “Okay, we can drive straight through.”
“Good,” I said, kissing her briefly. Isabella stripped and hopped into the shower as I slipped
my clothes on and went down to the car to get our bags. I paused when I reached the Volvo,
pulling my phone out and dialing my father’s cell phone number. I felt the need to fucking
check on him and wanted to know what the Hell was going on back in Forks. I couldn’t
fucking lie--I was worried about him. He was risking his life for us and I wanted to make
sure he was all right, but his phone went straight to voice mail. I left a quick message,
saying it was me and that I was just checking in to let him know we were doing good,
keeping it nonchalant in case someone else fucking listened to it.
I showered after Isabella and we both got dressed, putting on comfortable clothes since
we’d be spending the entire goddamn day in the Volvo. After we were both ready I checked
us out of the hotel and we headed out to the car. It was already warm out and the sun was
shining brightly, so I put the top down on the car so we could at least enjoy the fucking
weather, if nothing else. I started the car up and pulled out onto the road, heading south on
Interstate 5. I turned on the radio, irritated that I’d forgotten my goddamn IPod in the rush
to leave the house, and scanned through stations for something decent to listen to. We
chatted a bit and hadn’t been on the road for more than twenty minutes when my stomach
started growling.
“You hungry, tesoro?” I asked, realizing we hadn’t fucking eaten dinner the night before.
She nodded and I went through a McDonalds drive-thru for some chicken nuggets and
fries, figuring it was something that we could eat in the car and without fucking up my
interior. We ate and Isabella’s mood seemed to improve a bit as time went on, the
apprehension in her expression fading more with each passing mile. She got comfortable in
the seat and kicked her shoes off, watching the scenery as it flew by. Occasionally she’d
close her eyes and lay her head back, just taking in the sunshine and feeling the wind
blowing in her hair. It was nice, seeing her look so carefree and relaxed--a big fucking
change from twenty-four hours ago when she’d freaked out over the trip. I knew her
contentment wouldn’t last, so I was treasuring every fucking moment of it.
“Do you like California?” she asked randomly a few hours into the drive. I nodded.
“Yeah, it’s nice, I guess. I mean, I haven’t spent too much time here but from what I’ve seen
of it, I like it,” I said. She smiled.
“It looks nice. It’s warm,” she said. “Do they have any good colleges here?”
I glanced over at her with surprise. “Uh, yeah. There are a lot, actually.”
“Any I could ever go to, you think?” she asked, staring at me with a curious expression on
her face.
“Yeah, of course,” I said. With the way her fucking mind worked, I doubted there was a
school that she couldn’t at least work her way into if she had the desire.
“Like?” she asked. I looked at her with surprise, stunned that she expected me to be able to
fucking name some of them off of the top of my head.
“I don’t know, it depends on what you want to study,” I said. “What kind of classes do you
want to take?”
“Art, I guess,” she said tentatively, looking at me with apprehension. “I mean, I like it and it
makes me happy, but I don’t know if I’m good enough to…”
“You stop that shit right there,” I said quickly, cutting her off. I fucking hated it when she
doubted herself. “You are good enough, so stop second-guessing your talent. And yeah,
there are plenty of schools out here with art programs that would accept you.”
“Really?” she asked excitedly. I chuckled and nodded.
“Yes, really. And there are plenty of schools I can get into, too, so if you want to look into
California we will,” I said.
“Good,” she said happily, turning her head to look at the scenery once more with a smile on
her face.
“Why California?” I asked curiously after a moment. I had no problem with it if that’s
where she wanted to go, but I just wondered what gave her the idea to come to this place to
live. She’d barely fucking seen any of it, having been in a goddamn car the entire time.
“I like palm trees,” she said randomly, shrugging. Her tone was serious and the answer
caught me off guard, causing me to laugh.
“Palm trees, Bella? They have them in more than just California, you know,” I said with
amusement.
“Yeah, but I like the ones here,” she said, blushing. I shook my head and continued to
laugh. I was letting her fucking choose anywhere in the world to go, and she chose
California because of some goddamn trees. That was something I loved about her, though.
She had that fucking natural innocence to her despite her hardships, and truly appreciated
the small things in life that a lot of others didn’t even fucking notice. Most people
overanalyzed where to go to college, choosing places based on shit like student-teacher
ratios, reputations, sports teams, and proximity to home. But my Bella, she chooses a
fucking place because of the scenery. She really was an artist at heart and if she wanted
palm trees, I’d give them to her without a second thought about it.
Despite the fact that we were cramped in a goddamn car all day, it was actually quite
pleasant. We talked and just enjoyed each other’s company, ignoring the current reality of
the world outside of the Volvo for the time being and focusing on happier times ahead. I
told her what I knew about schools in California and she told me more about how her GED
testing went. She asked me what I wanted to study in college and I threw out a few
suggestions, honestly having no fucking clue. It wasn’t like it was a pressing matter or that I
desperately needed a good goddamn job afterwards. I had more than enough money to get
by so college was honestly just for the Hell of it so I could feel like I’d fucking accomplished
something in life. I considered pretty much everything, from History to Geology, figuring
I’d like to study music or maybe even Philosophy.
“I think you’d make a good lawyer,” she randomly blurted out. I laughed at the suggestion,
shaking my head.
“Just because I can get away with shit doesn’t mean I’d make a good lawyer,” I said
playfully. “Plus, I come from a long line of Mafiosi, Bella. That might be like spitting on
their memory or something.”
She looked at me with confusion. “Why? I mean, it’s not like you’d be the one making laws
or enforcing them. They couldn’t really be mad that you for helping people beat charges.
Isn’t that kind of what they do?” she asked.
“I guess,” I said, not considering that fact. I mean, it wasn’t like those motherfuckers didn’t
use lawyers, but I was worried about how me taking that career route would affect my
fathers position in the Borgata. I knew people got demoted in rank and others grew
suspicious of them when they had family members go into certain careers. “But still, why
do you think I’d make a good lawyer?”
“I guess because you know the difference between a dangerous person who should be
locked away and a person who has no choice but to sometimes do things they probably
shouldn’t,” she said, shrugging. “You’ve grown up around those kind of people so you
understand them. And plus, you really do know how to get away with stuff.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Well, maybe I’ll think about it,” I said. She smiled sweetly.
“Good.”
We stopped for dinner about eight and a half hours into the trip, getting out and going to
some small restaurant near Bakersfield. Once again, I tried to call my father as we waited
on our food, and got his voice mail immediately. I didn’t bother leaving a message, just
hung up the phone. My concern was growing, all of those fucking worst-case scenarios
creeping back into my thoughts. I hoped he was okay and just unable to talk, but part of me
worried something bad had fucking happened. I pushed that shit aside and tried not to let
my fears show, not wanting to upset Isabella. She kept looking at me with apprehension
and I wasn’t sure if she was just growing uneasy as we got closer, of if I was just fucking
failing at hiding my own and she was reflecting it.
After dinner we set back out on the road and Isabella fell asleep in the car, once again
slumping over in the same uncomfortable position as she had the night before. I told her to
take her seatbelt off and recline her seat but she refused, saying she was fine the way she
was. I thought she was being fucking ridiculous but I didn’t argue with her. It was her
fucking neck, not mine.
The drive dragged by slowly after she fell asleep, as every minute felt like a goddamn
eternity. I was getting antsy and needed something to distract me, so I compulsively fiddled
with the radio but it did nothing to help. My anxiety was growing with each mile, frantic
thoughts swirling in my head in the silent darkness. I was bored and tired, my eyes burning
and my head starting to pound. My fucking legs were cramping and my ass was numb, my
fingers locking up on me from gripping the goddamn steering wheel all day. I needed to
stretch because my back was starting to hurt, but stretching meant stopping and I had no
intention of fucking stopping until I saw that “Welcome to Phoenix” sign. I started to
become seriously pissed off, wondering why the fuck I hadn’t just bought some goddamn
plane tickets. We could’ve saved all that fucking time by flying.
Isabella woke up when we were about thirty minutes outside of Phoenix and straightened
her body up quickly to glance around. She grabbed her neck, obviously in pain from
another fucking kink due to how she’d been sleeping. I sighed and reached over, massaging
her neck for her. I was annoyed, because she should’ve fucking listened to me and it
could’ve been avoided, but at the same time I didn’t want her to be in pain.
“We’re almost there,” I muttered. Her head snapped in my direction, her eyes wide and a
horrified expression on her face.
“Already?” she asked, sounding panicked. I stared at her with disbelief.
“Already, Bella? I’ve been driving for over a goddamn day here, and you say ‘already’?” I
asked incredulously. “Christ, woman, I’ve never driven so fucking much in my life.”
“Sorry,” she said quickly, turning her head to look out of the window. I glanced over and
watched as she started chewing on her lip and fidgeting nervously. I felt bad immediately,
knowing I shouldn’t have snapped at her. This place was her equivalent of Hell and I was
driving her straight into it without being sympathetic about how goddamn hard it was on
her. I grabbed her hand to stop her fidgeting, linking our fingers together and squeezing
gently.
“Sorry. I’m just tired. I shouldn’t have been an asshole like that,” I said gently. She nodded
but didn’t speak. In fact, she didn’t speak another goddamn word the entire drive. We
crossed the city limits into Phoenix at shortly after three in the morning and she tensed up
when she saw the sign welcoming her, her anxiety making me feel even more fucking
guilty. “Welcome”, my goddamn ass... there was obviously nothing welcoming about this
fucking place to my girl.
I tried calling Alec but just got his voicemail, which made sense because he’d most likely be
fucking sleeping at three in the goddamn morning, but I wasn’t entirely logical at the
moment. Still, the fact that I hadn’t been able to get a hold of my father and just had the
same result with my uncle caused my fear to skyrocket, not liking the fact that I was
completely out of touch with them. I pulled over at the first hotel I saw, having no fucking
patience to look for a five-star and not really giving a shit at that point.
I tossed the man at the front desk some cash and grabbed the fucking key from him with
very little conversation, in no mood for bullshit small talk. We went inside and I grimaced
at how shabby the fucking place was, complaining while Isabella just shrugged and
stripped, crawling into the bed. I stared at her for a moment as she clutched her pillow
tightly, wishing I knew what the fuck to say to make it better. Saying something like ‘It’ll be
okay’ felt like bullshit, because how the fuck would I know if it would be okay, and telling
her to suck it up and deal just made me an asshole. I couldn’t seem to figure out in my
weary state what the middle ground was between those two things, so as I climbed into bed
I simply said the only fucking thing that I knew at the moment was the goddamn truth.
“I love you, Isabella Marie Swan.”
She rolled over to face me, gazing at me intently. “I know you do, and I love you, too.”
She snuggled into my chest as my eyes closed on their own, sleep coming instantly. I was
startled awake much later by the sound of my phone ringing loudly, the shrill noise causing
my heart to pound furiously. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, grabbing the phone off of the
tiny little stand beside the bed where I’d placed it the night before.
“Yeah,” I answered immediately without even looking to see who was calling, still fucking
groggy and half-asleep. I frankly didn’t care which motherfucker it was as long as I heard
from one of them so I didn’t feel so out of the loop.
“Have you arrived in Phoenix yet?” Alec asked, sounding entirely too goddamn alert for it
being so early. I glanced over at the clock on the stand and groaned when I saw it was
already after noon. Apparently it wasn’t fucking early, after all.
“Yeah,” I responded, yawning halfway through the word so it was probably fucking
unintelligible.
“I’ll be spending the day at the Swan residence if you want to bring Isabella out to visit with
her mother,” he said. “Otherwise, I’ll call you this evening about meeting up in the morning
and I’d appreciate it if you kept in contact with me about your location.” I sighed and
glanced over in the bed beside me, meeting Isabella’s eyes immediately. She was obviously
nervous and gazing at me with apprehension.
“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I can do that.” He rattled off the address for the Swan’s quickly and I
told him to fucking hold on as I dragged myself out of bed, scouring the room for a piece of
paper and something to write with. I found a short dull pencil in the drawer and snatched
the Bible out of the nightstand, opening it up and tearing out the first page. Isabella gasped
and sat up quickly, gaping at me with shock. I shrugged at her look and told Alec to repeat
what the fuck he’d said, scribbling down the address quickly.
“Alright, thanks,” I said, hanging up. I looked over at Isabella and saw she was still staring
at me, looking stunned.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” she said. My brow furrowed.
“Did what?” I asked.
“You just tore that page out,” she said, her tone almost accusatory.
“Yeah? I needed something to write on,” I said, shrugging again, not understanding what
the big deal was.
“It was the Bible, Edward!” she said. I rolled my eyes.
“Christ, Bella, do you really fucking think someone who would come to a place that looks
like this would be reading this motherfucker?” I asked incredulously, holding up The Bible
in my hand. “Anyone who stays here is far from fucking holy, that’s for sure.” I glanced
around at the room with disgust, unable to believe I’d ever approved of staying in such
conditions despite my exhaustion the night before. It looked like one of those goddamn
places that rented by the hour to make shit easier on the prostitutes.
“It’s not that bad, Edward. Plus, we stayed here,” she said defensively.
“We did. Like I said, far from fucking holy, tesoro,” I said, chuckling. “But whatever, it was
only the title page, I didn’t tear out anything with the story on it. The fucking paper just
says ‘Holy Bible’ and anyone who looks at the goddamn book knows what it is. They didn’t
need this piece of paper to figure that shit out.”
She just stared at me and I shook my head, realizing my father would kick my fucking ass if
he knew what I’d just done. Desecrated The Bible while taking the Lord's name in vain
about it.
“It’s still wrong,” she said, continuing to stare at me. I sighed, shrugging.
“Maybe it is, but I needed to write down the Swan's address,” I said. Her eyes widened with
shock and she froze, her expression panicked.
“Why?” she asked tentatively.
I sighed and sat back down on the bed, reaching over to brush some wayward hair out of
her face. I tucked it behind her ear and gazed into her eyes, smiling softly as I took her in.
She was so beautiful and looked so fucking innocent and vulnerable at that moment, and I
wanted nothing more than to right every wrong and make the world better for her.
“You want to see your mom, don’t you?” I asked gently, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
I hadn’t brought up the subject of her visiting her mother before then, and based upon her
expression she hadn’t even considered that part. She’d been so worried about encountering
those that hurt her that she hadn’t had the chance to think about seeing the people she did
care for.
“Really?” she asked hesitantly, a look of shock on her face. I nodded, running my fingertips
along her cheek.
“Yes, really. Alec will be there all day and just said I could bring you by to visit with her. If
you want, of course,” I said. She nodded quickly, biting down on her lip as her eyes glassed
over with tears. A dozen different emotions flashed across her face and she threw herself at
me with so much force it knocked me backwards. She wrapped her arms around me tightly
and buried her face in my chest as she started sobbing. I hugged her and stroked her back,
kissing the top of her head.
I lay there for a moment as she got a grip on herself before telling her to get dressed so we
could get going. She leapt up and ran into the bathroom, showering quickly. I showered
after Isabella, watching her while I got dressed. She was sitting on the edge of the bed,
looking utterly nervous as she fidgeted and fingered the charm on her necklace. It was the
one I’d bought her before prom that Tanya had ripped off of her--the one that was
supposed to protect the person who wore it from evil. I’d had it fixed after that bitch broke
it and Isabella rarely took it off now. I seriously hoped that motherfucker would help today
when she saw Charles Swan and his wife.
I walked over and plopped down beside Isabella to put on my Nike’s, watching her from the
corner of my eye. She was wearing a blue top that was slightly low cut and a pair of skin
tight dark blue jeans with some blue and gold flats that matched her necklace. I smirked to
myself, proud that I’d fucking packed shit that went together in my rush. While I watched
her I wondered what they were going to think, because just from looking at her it was
obvious she wasn’t the same broken Isabella that had left Phoenix almost a year ago.
“Come on, amore. Time to introduce me to your parents,” I said playfully, standing up and
holding my hand out to her. She took it gingerly and stood up with a small smile on her
lips, but I could sense her anxiety mounting with each second that passed. We checked out,
because I had no intention of staying in that fucking deplorable place again, and climbed
into the car.
I plugged the address for the Swan’s residence into the navigation system and followed the
directions, driving through the city and back into the outskirts. We drove down a remote
highway for about twenty minutes and Isabella started tensing up, her hands trembling.
Her fear was so intense I could practically feel it, and it caused my anger to start brewing. I
wasn’t mad at her at all, I understood exactly why she was so fucking afraid, and that was
what made me angry. It pissed me off that my fucking girl couldn’t be excited about seeing
her mother because of the memory of what those motherfuckers had done to her.
Each second that passed made her more nervous and that only served to upset me even
further. My hands started shaking and I clutched the steering wheel tightly, wishing they
would fucking stop as I attempted to get my temper under control. Isabella wasn’t saying
anything as she gazed out of the window, trying to calm herself down, and I needed
something to fucking distract me. I reached over and started scanning through the radio
stations, looking for something to listen to in order to take my mind off of shit. I found a
rap station and turned it up when I heard “Nuttin’ by a G Thang” come on, the bass
thumping from the speakers loudly. It was probably my favorite fucking song of all time,
always mellowed me out and put me in a good mood. I listened to the motherfucker so
much that Isabella knew half the words to it, even if she didn’t understand most of them.
The navigation system told me to take a left and I slowed as I neared the path, turning onto
it. Isabella tensed up even further as I drove through the desert and I heard her inhale
sharply as the house came into sight. I recognized it from the photo of Isabella’s mother
that my father had taken and it struck me as even more familiar in person, recalling seeing
it as a kid. I pulled up in front of it, parking behind the black Mercedes that I knew was
Alec’s rental. A woman on the porch glanced over at the vehicle but looked away quickly as
I made eye contact with her, the movement reminding me exactly of how Isabella acted
when she first came to live with us.
I put the car in park but didn’t turn it off, keeping the air conditioning running. I grabbed
Isabella’s hand, my touch startling her and causing her to jump and yelp. She looked over
at me frantically, her expression almost horrified.
“I don’t think…” she started as she shook her head furiously. I brought my other hand up
and gently covered her mouth to make her stop, staring at her pointedly. I didn’t want her
fucking panicking over this and needed her to calm the hell down.
“Listen and listen good, tesoro,” I said, my tone completely serious. “We’re about to get out
of this car and go inside this place, and I know this shit isn’t going to be easy on you. It’s
going to make you remember shit that’s happened and that’s gonna hurt. I know that for a
fact because every goddamn time I’ve been back to Chicago and have gone by the alley they
killed my mother in, I’ve nearly fucking lost it. But I always kept myself together, because I
couldn’t let those motherfuckers break me. You may want to run as far away from this
fucking place as possible, but you can’t. You can’t let these pricks control your life, you can’t
let them tear you down.”
She stared me intently, taking in my words. “You’re fucking strong, Isabella. It may not feel
like it right now, but you are. You survived this shit and came out stronger than ever. These
motherfuckers tried to tear you down, but it didn’t work because you’ve built yourself up.
Have you seen yourself lately? You’re a fucking force to be reckoned with, Bella. You’re
tough, and passionate, and fucking fierce, and you can’t let these people get to you. That’s
what they want. They want to break you. They’re vile and fucking disgusting, and you can’t
give them what they want. You can’t give in to them.”
Tears started slipping from her eyes but the nervousness was fading and being replaced
with resolve. I knew that look anywhere, because it was the look she got on her face when
she was determined to do something. “So we’re going to get out of this car, and we’re going
to go in this fucking house, and we’re going to tell these motherfuckers to kiss our asses
because they can’t touch us. They can’t touch you--none of them--and if they ever tried to
I’d fuck them up and I mean it. You’re better than them, Isabella. You’re bigger than this.
Don’t let them break you. Don’t let them stand in your way. You go out there and you find
your fucking mother, and you tell her you goddamn love her because you deserve that
chance. You deserve to be able to tell her, and don’t let anything stop you this time.”
I removed my hand from her mouth finally and shut the car off, opening the driver’s side
door and stepping out without another word. I had said everything I could say, and if she
didn’t fucking get out after that, she never would. I could’ve coddled her, and part of me
fucking wanted to, but that wouldn’t help her. She needed to find the strength and courage
within her for this shit, and not just lean on me to pull her through. I had faith in her; she
could fucking do it.
Her door opened and she stepped out timidly, her eyes scanning the property. I groaned as
the heat hit me, the sun shining brightly and nearly blinding me. I reached into the car and
grabbed my sunglasses, putting them on before starting to unbutton my long-sleeved green
shirt. It was rolled up to my elbows but it was still entirely too fucking hot for it.
“Fuck, it’s hot,” I spat, shrugging my shirt off and leaving only my white wife beater
undershirt. I tossed it into the car as Isabella glanced over at me and smiled softly.
“It’s not that bad,” she said quietly. I looked at her incredulously.
“If you say so. I’m about to fucking burn up here,” I said, shaking my head. I bent down and
grabbed my gun from under the seat, double-checking to make sure it was loaded and the
safety was on.
“You’re taking your gun?” she asked hesitantly, eyeing me with shock. I nodded and slid it
into my waistband.
“Better safe than sorry,” I said, shutting the car door. I walked over to her side and pushed
her door closed, standing in front of her and gazing down at her face. She didn’t necessarily
look frightened anymore, but she was definitely anxious. “You ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said, nodding hesitantly.
I smiled and wrapped my arms around her. “That’s my girl,” I said, leaning down and
pressing my lips to hers softly. She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed me back
passionately, bringing her arms up and wrapping them around my neck.
“You’re sweating,” she said, her fingers running through the hair at the nape of my neck.
“I told you, it’s fucking hot as Hell,” I said, shaking my head.
“It is Hell,” she said. My eyes widened in shock and I started laughing, stunned she’d said
that. I’d had the same goddamn thought the night before when driving, but for her to
verbalize it was surprising.
“You just fucking cursed,” I said playfully. Her brow furrowed.
“Hell isn’t a curse word,” she said.
“Yes, it is,” I said, nodding. She shook her head, staring at me pointedly.
“It’s not. It’s in the Bible, Edward. If you spent more time reading it and less time tearing
pages out of it, maybe you’d know that,” she said sarcastically. I stared at her in shock and
continued to laugh.
“I can’t believe you just fucking said that to me,” I said with amusement, nudging her
playfully. She laughed and blushed as I pulled her to me, kissing her again. She started
kissing me back as a door slammed, her body going rigid the moment the noise registered
in her ears. I pulled back from her and glanced up at the porch to find a middle-aged man
with dark hair and eyes. He was a stranger to me, I’d never seen him before that I could
recall, but the eyes and the nose were more than familiar. They were eyes I knew well, and
a nose I’d recall anywhere. They were features that reminded me of my girl, and the
moment that thought registered, intense rage surged through me. I clenched my hands into
fists as I held back my temper, fighting the urge to lash out. I’d never felt such intense
hatred for someone before.
Isabella was trembling in my arms and I glanced down at her, seeing her trepidation
returning but she continued to hold her own. I leaned down so my lips were beside her ear,
whispering quietly to her.
“If this is Hell, does that mean he’s the devil?”
Chapter 62 Life Alteration
“There is nothing like returning to a place that reminds unchanged to find the
ways in which you yourself have altered.” -- Nelson Mandela
The moment I heard the slam of the creaky screen door, my body grew rigid as fear ripped
through me. Edward and I were in the midst of a kiss and he pulled away from my lips
quickly to glance up at the porch. I kept my eyes closed, however, not needing to look to
know who it was. My body and mind were still in tune with it all, the sights and sounds of
Phoenix ingrained in me. I’d always been able to tell who was coming and going based
upon the way the door sounded as it swung open and closed, and from what I had just
heard, I knew exactly who was standing on the porch without even a glance in that
direction.
Edward didn’t let go of me but I could feel his body stiffen and his hands clench into fists. I
opened my eyes hesitantly to look at him, my body trembling harder as I caught sight of the
form on the porch from my peripheral. Edward turned his head to look at me, an angry
expression on his face and deep concern in his eyes.
“If this is Hell, does that mean he’s the devil?” he whispered, leaning down so his lips were
right by my ear. I sighed and nodded, a shiver running down my spine as his breath fanned
against me.
“You could say that,” I said quietly, my voice shaking. Edward sighed and rubbed my back
gently.
“Well, then, it’s a good thing the devil doesn’t scare us, huh?” he said confidently, pulling
out of the hug and grabbing my hand, intertwining our fingers. I finally turned my head
and looked up onto the porch, meeting Charles’s eyes immediately. I stared at him, stunned
by how utterly unchanged he looked. It had nearly been a year since the last time I stepped
foot onto the property but seeing Charles standing there in his khaki pants and signature
button-up shirt, made it feel like no time at all had passed. He appeared exactly how I’d
remembered him…
He had a look of surprise on his face and I continued to stare at him, attempting to get a
read on his mood. I’d always done quite well at figuring out how Charles was feeling and at
the moment he appeared to be completely caught off guard by my presence. I immediately
wondered if he’d even been informed that I would be here, his expression telling me it was
likely he hadn’t been. His brow furrowed after a moment and I noticed the confusion creep
in as he stared me in the eyes. It didn’t make any sense at first, because he looked the same
but he surely wasn’t acting as he always had. It dawned on me quickly that the reason he
wasn’t acting the same was because I wasn’t either.
Charles had never condoned us looking at him. We were trained to keep our heads down
and our eyes on the floor when possible - it was viewed as disobedience when he caught us
staring. It had taken me awhile to be able to maintain eye contact with anyone after going
to live with the Cullens, but they insisted that out in the real world it was a sign of respect.
I’d gotten beaten and punished many times over the years for doing exactly what I was
standing in the front yard doing, but that fact didn’t seem to deter me at all. The longer I
gazed at him, the more my fear seemed to lessen. He couldn’t touch me. He couldn’t hurt
me anymore. He held no power over me and never would again.
We continued to stare at each other in a tense silence, the two of us only breaking eye
contact when the door behind him opened and he had to move out of the way. Alec stepped
out onto the porch and looked at Edward and I, nodding his head in greeting.
“Edward, Isabella,” he said. “It’s nice to see the two of you again.”
“Uncle Alec,” Edward said, his voice even but I could still sense the tension in his body. He
was obviously upset and fighting to keep his temper under control.
“Alec, sir,” I said quietly.
“Are you enjoying your trip?” Alec asked, gazing at us. My brow furrowed at the
nonchalance of the question and Edward nodded.
“I guess. It was a long fucking drive but other than that it’s been okay,” Edward said. “Well,
except the fact that it’s hot as Hell in this motherfucker. I don’t know how the fuck you deal
with this, and you’re out here in the heat wearing a goddamn suit. Christ, I feel like I’m
being boiled alive or something.”
I smiled involuntarily at his complaining and Alec laughed lightly. “It’s not that unbearable.
When you grow up in these conditions your body adjusts to it. Isn’t that correct, Isabella?”
“Yes, sir,” I said softly. “The heat isn’t…” I intended to state that it wasn’t that bad, but I
was cut off by loud footsteps rushing through the house and the front door being thrust
open forcefully.
“Where did Clara go?” Jane spat as she stepped outside, her voice high-pitched. She had on
a blood red dress and a pair of matching high heels, her hair slicked back into a bun with a
scowl on her face. “I’m going to knock that bitch’s teeth out.” I flinched upon instinct,
terror coursing through me immediately at her hostility. My heart started pounding
forcefully as she froze on the porch, her face twisting into a look of confusion and then
disgust as she spotted me. I looked at her with apprehension and she glowered at me,
obviously displeased by my presence.
“What the fuck?” she spat, glaring angrily. It was clear they definitely hadn’t been warned
in advance that I was coming.
“Jane, you remember Isabella,” Alec said casually, turning to look at his sister. “And have
you ever had the opportunity to actually meet my nephew Edward, the youngest Cullen
son?”
Jane’s appearance shifted immediately from hatred to shock, her eyes widening with an
alarmed expression taking over her face. It startled me, because I’d never seen her look that
way before. Her eyes darted over to Edward and she gaped at him as the color drained from
her face. She looked confused and utterly dumbfounded, refusing to take her eyes off of
Edward.
“Fantasma,” she muttered in a panicked voice, turning and running back into the house.
My brow furrowed and I was taken aback because it was clearly Italian, but I’d never heard
her speak a single word of it in all the years I had known her. Charles looked just as caught
off guard by his wife’s behavior, looking at the door she had just disappeared through with
bewilderment. I turned my head to look at Edward, catching a glimpse of Alec in the
process. He had a smile on his lips and an amused expression on his face that hinted he
might not have been as far out of the loop as us.
“Did she just fucking call me a ghost?” Edward asked with confusion. Alec shrugged.
“She did, but I’m sure you’re aware she isn’t exactly the sanest person around. In fact, she’s
truly quite unstable,” he said. “Isn’t that correct, Isabella?”
I froze and stared at him, stunned he’d ask me such a thing and was even more shocked
when I realized he actually expected an answer. He stood staring at me questioningly,
waiting patiently for me to respond.
“Uh… yes, sir,” I said quietly, unsure of whether I should’ve admitted the truth or not
because Alec still made me nervous. He nodded and turned to look at Charles, who was
once again staring at Edward and myself with a look of shock on his face.
“Are you going to invite the kids in, Swan, or do you intend to allow my nephew to continue
to burn up?” Alec asked pointedly after a second. “You’re being awfully rude to my family. I
invited them here under the impression that you remembered how to be hospitable.”
Charles looked away from us quickly upon Alec’s words, nodding with a stunned
“Oh, yeah! Sorry about that! Of course, come in,” he said at once, walking over and opening
the screen door. Edward sighed and started for the porch, the sweat accumulating along his
skin and the flush on his cheeks telling me he definitely needed to cool off in the air
conditioning, but there was no way I could walk inside that house yet.
He felt my resistance and paused, turning to look at me questioningly. “I, uh… I need some
time,” I mumbled. “Just a few minutes, if that’s okay.”
He nodded hesitantly. “You can have all the time you need. This is your show, tesoro.
You’re calling the shots here. If you want to leave, just tell me and we’ll leave.”
I smiled softly and shook my head. “I don’t want to leave. I’m just not ready to go inside. I,
uh…” I glanced around the area quickly, my eyes scanning the property. “My mom.”
A look of understanding crossed his face and he nodded “Do you know where she’d be?” he
asked, raising his eyebrows inquisitively.
“I have an idea of where. I’m guessing she doesn’t know I’m here since no one else seemed
to be expecting me,” I said, my eyes continuing to scan the grounds around me. If nothing
had truly changed at the Swan’s residence as I suspected, she’d likely be behind the house
working since she wasn’t out in the garden.
“Yeah, I noticed. I can’t believe Alec didn’t fucking tell them,” he said, shaking his head.
“He seems to enjoy throwing his weight around here,” I said, smiling lightly. “Usually
Charles is the one barking orders at people. It was kind of nice seeing it reversed.”
Edward chuckled. “Yeah, Alec is Charles’s only family connection to the Borgata since he
was never brought into the fold personally. He depends on Alec entirely too fucking much
for his business to thrive to ever cross him. Plus, you know… no one’s stupid enough to fuck
with Alec, anyway. He can be a scary motherfucker.”
“Yeah. He treated your father the same way,” I said. “I’d never seen Charles afraid of
anyone or anything until the day Dr. Cullen showed up to get me. It was unexpected so I
really didn’t know what to think of your father. In a way I was happy that Charles was the
scared one for once, but at the same time that just frightened me even more. I couldn’t
imagine what kind of man I was being sold to if someone like Charles was scared of him.”
“Yeah, well, someone needs to put that motherfucker in his place,” Edward said, shaking
his head while running his hands down his face. His flush was growing, the sweat
practically pouring off of him. “He’s probably just afraid my dad will clip him like he did his
father.”
My brow furrowed in confusion at his statement. “Whose father?” I asked. Edward looked
“What?” he asked, appearing to be caught off guard by my question for some reason.
“Whose father did Dr. Cullen clip?” I asked, not understanding what he was talking about.
“And what does clipping mean?”
He gazed at me for a second before the corner of his lips turned up into a small smile. “It’s
a long story, don’t worry about it,” he said, shaking his head. His voice had a nervous tone
to it and I stared at him briefly, unsure of why he seemed so hesitant to answer that
question. I was about to press him to elaborate, figuring maybe it was an embarrassing
story since he was nervous about telling me, but a loud commotion rang out nearby that
stopped me before I could get any of the words out. I jumped and yelped, startled by the
disruption, and turned around quickly.
I froze the moment I saw the form, my heart rate spiking immediately as my breath
hitched. My mother was standing at the corner of the house, a bunch of metal buckets and
tools lying in a pile at her feet that she had obviously just dropped to the ground. She was
just gaping at me with a look of disbelief on her face, her expression nearly matching the
one Jane had worn moments ago.
She looked like she’d seen a ghost.
Unlike Charles, she looked completely different than I remembered. Her dark hair had
large streaks of gray in it and she had wrinkles lining her face that made her appear well
beyond her mere 34 years. She was wearing a dirty wrinkled gray T-shirt that practically
swallowed her tiny frame and a pair of worn out old shorts that exposed a set of startlingly
thin legs. My mother had always been skinny because of the way we were forced to live, but
it was beyond that now. She was frail and appeared completely unhealthy, her skin dull and
slightly discolored. She had puffy dark bags under her eyes that reminded me of Dr. Cullen
and made me wonder if she ever slept anymore either. She looked completely worn down, a
shell of her former self with all traces of life that had once been present in her eyes gone.
She may have been gazing at me as if I was an apparition, but she was the one who truly
looked like a ghost.
“Isabella?” she said hesitantly, her voice cracking as she spoke my name. The sound of her
voice sent a pain ripping through my chest which was so intense that it made my vision
blur with tears. A sob escaped my throat and I yanked my hand from Edward’s quickly to
cover my mouth. She gasped when realization struck that it was actually me- that I wasn’t
simply a figment of her imagination- and she took a step forward. Her movement broke my
stance and my feet started moving on their own accord, my legs frantically carrying me
directly for her.
I ran with no hesitation and she opened her arms up to me, taking a few steps forward. My
body collided with hers with so much force that she staggered backward, losing her footing.
She wrapped her arms around me tightly as she fell to her behind, her embrace strong
despite her frail body. I fell to the ground with her and started sobbing, burying my face in
her neck.
“Isabella,” she said hysterically. “Oh, God, my baby girl!” She started sobbing and her
hands frantically travelled my back and ran through my hair as I clung to her tightly.
“Mom,” I gasped, the word coming out as a high-pitched wail. She let out a loud sob and
grasped onto me tighter.
“It’s really you,” she said with disbelief. “You’re really here!”
“Yes,” I choked out. “I’m here, Mom.”
She pulled back from the embrace to look at me, her eyes wide with tears streaming from
them. She looked completely astounded as her eyes roamed my face frenetically, studying
my features.
“You’re here,” she repeated. “Oh, God. Why are you here? You shouldn’t be here; you
should never have come back here! Why did they bring you here?! You have to go! You’re
not safe here, Isabella!” Her voice grew frantic, panic setting into her eyes. She brought her
hands up and cupped my cheeks, staring into my face.
“It’s okay, mom,” I said quickly, shaking my head as I tried to blink back tears. “I’m okay, I
swear. I’m safe. No one’s going to hurt me.”
“You can’t be sure!” she said anxiously. “Jane, Charles… you know how they are.” I brought
my hands up and placed them on hers over my cheeks, trying to give her a smile through
my tears. I didn’t want her to worry about me because it was completely unnecessary.
Edward would keep me safe.
“Don’t worry, they won’t let Jane or Charles hurt me. I swear I’m okay. They brought me
here so I could see you,” I said, trying to explain so she’d calm down. She looked at me with
surprise, pulling her hands from my face.
“Is your Master here on business?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No, I just told you. They brought me here because I wanted to see you,” I
said.
“You’re here to visit with me?” she asked with shock, her hands exploring my face and
running through my hair as she gazed at me. “I don’t understand. Why would they do that?
It has to be a trick, are you sure you understood correctly? It doesn’t make sense for a
Master to take a slave to visit people, Sweetheart.”
I smiled softly and went to speak, wanting to explain to her that it wasn’t like that with the
Cullens, but she gasped loudly and froze before I could utter a word. An appalled
expression twisted her features, and my brow furrowed in confusion as fear and horror
took over her face.
“Oh, God. Oh no, baby! No No No No No,” she chanted, tears streaming faster as she
started sobbing loudly. “How can they do this to my daughter? Why? I’m so sorry, Isabella.
I can’t believed they’d do this to you!”
I stared at her in shock, perplexed as to what she was raving about until she placed her
hand against the side of my neck. My eyes widened in horror when it struck me that she’d
seen the mark Edward had accidentally left on my skin, her mind naturally assuming the
worst. I’d seen those types of marks on her my entire life, disgusting reminders of Charles’s
late night punishments. She started wailing and I grabbed a hold of her hand, my heart
pounding forcefully.
“No, mom. It’s not like that, I swear! They don’t hurt me!” I said quickly, my voice loud
because of my panic. Confusion flashed across her face and her brow furrowed, her eyes
darting between my own and the mark on my neck.
“Don’t you lie to me, Isabella Marie!” she said hysterically. “I can see it and I know exactly
what it is!”
“I know it’s there, I saw it. But I swear it’s not like that. I told you, they don’t hurt me.
They’d never harm someone that way,” I said. “Edward accidentally left the mark on me, he
didn’t mean it.”
Her brow furrowed. “Who’s Edward?” she asked at once.
“He’s Dr. Cullen’s son,” I said.
“And he does that to you? Your Master’s son? Oh God, Isabella,” she cried.
My eyes widened in shock. “No, Mom, Edward would never hurt me! I know he left the
mark but it’s not like that, I told you. I love him, Mom,” I said.
She froze and stared at me, blinking rapidly as her tears streamed from her eyes. “You love
him? Oh no, this is bad. Baby girl, this is dangerous. You can’t fall in love with your
master’s son; if he finds out they’re going to hurt you. You can never let them know, you
hear me?”
“Stop, Mom,” I said forcefully, her panic causing my own anxiety to flare. My eyes were
stinging from crying and I reached up to wipe them. “He already knows I love him. He
loves me, too.”
She looked completely dumbfounded. “He loves you?” she asked with disbelief.
“Yes, he does. He really loves me, Mom. He’s been amazing to me, better than I ever
imagined. He’s the one that brought me here so I could see you,” I said quickly, turning my
head and glancing around. I looked over at the car, instantly wondering where he’d gone as
he’d just been standing there with me not long ago.
“How?” she asked, shaking her head. “How can it be? I mean, Isabella… he’s…”
“He’s wonderful,” I interrupted her, unsure of exactly what she was about to say but
knowing it didn’t matter, because she wouldn’t be correct. “He’s so caring and treats me
like I’m something to be treasured. He’s done more for me than I ever imagined possible.
He really loves me mom, and he’s giving me a life. A real life.”
She quietly stared at me as she processed what I’d said. “A life?” she asked hesitantly,
reaching up to wipe her tears away.
“Yes,” I answered, smiling. “A real life. The kind of life you always wanted me to have,
Mom. Edward’s giving it to me.”
“Freedom?” she asked quietly. I nodded in response.
“Freedom,” I echoed.
We sat on the ground for a few minutes longer, neither of us speaking after that was
verbalized. It was a simple word but the connotation of it left us both awestruck. Her panic
lessened and the look that I had seen while growing up but that had been missing when I
arrived started creeping back in… hope.
Eventually, I stood up from the ground and held my hand out to help my mother up.
“These are really nice clothes,” she said softly, giving me the once-over. “I hope they don’t
get too angry that you’ve gotten them dirty. You can blame it on me…”
I sighed and blocked her hands as she attempted to reach over and brush the dirt off of me.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said seriously. “I told you. They’re different.”
Tears started welling up in her eyes again at the statement, and she appeared as if she were
going to say something but the banging of the screen door as it opened and slammed shut
silenced her before she could even open her mouth. I glanced over and saw Charles on the
porch, and my heart automatically started to thump forcefully at the sight of him. Out of
the corner of my eye, I saw my mother tense up as Charles stepped forward, his eyes
focused right on us.
”Renee,” he said, the sound of his voice causing my mother to flinch. I recalled always
doing the same thing whenever he spoke my name, knowing no good ever came from the
Master singling you out.
“I’m sorry, sir. I know I’m supposed to be out in the garden. I’m going now,” she said at
once, reaching down and starting to gather up the things she’d dropped. Charles put his
hand up to her quickly in order to stop her and I instinctively flinched at his sudden
movement.
“No, that’s not what I’m here for. Don’t interrupt me,” he said sternly. “Isa… uh, she is here
with guests so unless something pressing comes up, I’m sure the others can handle the
work right now.”
She stared at him with confusion as my eyes widened in shock that he was allowing her
time to spend with me. It wasn’t like Charles at all, as he didn’t have a compassionate bone
in his body, but it made sense a moment later when Alec stepped out of the house. He was
talking quietly on his cell phone and glanced over at as, a small smile on his lips. Charles
turned to look at Alec, who gave him a questioning look. Charles nodded and turned,
grumbling under his breath as he headed back into the house. Alec shook his head and
continued to smile, giving me a quick glance as he hung up his phone.
“Edward asked me to let you know that he was inside if you needed him. I assured him
you’d be fine spending the afternoon alone with your mother but you know how he can be,”
Alec said. I nodded.
“Yes, sir,” I said, smiling softly. “Thank you, Mr. Evanson.”
“You’re quite welcome, Isabella,” he said, a look of surprise on his face that I’d thanked
him. I realized I’d never actually thanked him before and felt guilty because he’d done so
much for me. I wanted to express my gratitude for it all, but part of me was afraid he would
reject it by telling me he wasn’t doing any of it for me and that he truly didn’t care what
came of me. He stared at me for a moment before glancing at my mother. “Renee.” He
nodded quickly in greeting and walked back in the house. I glanced at my mom and saw the
surprise in her face.
“I can’t believe you spoke to him,” she said, the shock in her voice clear. “He never speaks
to people. It’s always been sort of frightening when he’s around, you know that.”
“I know,” I said, recalling how all of us used to make sure we never crossed his path when
he visited. I’d never truly come face-to-face with him in all the time I’d been in Phoenix,
unless you counted the encounters where I was taken for punishment when he was present.
“But he’s not as bad as we always thought. He’s cold but he’s not really mean. He’s actually
the main one helping to free me.”
She looked at me with even more shock. “Him?” she asked. I nodded.
“Yes, him,” I responded with a smile. “He’s Edward’s uncle, you know.”
She nodded hesitantly. “Yes, I remember his wife is the sister of the man that bought you.”
“Esme,” I said. “She’s nice, too.”
“Really?” my mom asked with surprise. “You see all of these people where you are?”
“Not often,” I said with a shrug. “Esme visited twice, once on Christmas and then again two
months ago on Edward’s birthday, when Jasper and Emmett were graduating from high
school. Mr. Evanson came along that time. That’s when he vouched for me because they
wouldn’t let Dr. Cullen.”
Her brow furrowed. “What?” she asked in confusion. I laughed and shook my head.
“I guess I should do better at explaining, huh?” I said, realizing she had no idea what I was
talking about. She nodded.
“You can start at the beginning,” she said, the corner of her lips turning up into a smile.
We spent the next few hours walking around the property as I told her about life in
Washington. She listened as I described the Cullens to her, explaining how Jasper and
Emmett had become like brothers to me and how I’d found friends in Alice and Rosalie.
Most of the conversation was about Edward, as I detailed how we’d fallen in love and how
great he was to me. I told her all the things we’d done and the experiences he’d given me,
from the very first piece of chocolate on that first grocery store trip to bringing me to
Phoenix to see her.
She seemed fascinated as I told her about celebrating Christmas, experiencing fireworks,
and going to a school dance. And she became totally awestruck as I described learning how
to drive and going to test for a GED. She hung on to every word I spoke and rarely
commented on any of it, instead just listening intently. I skipped a few details, such as the
incident when Dr. Cullen punished me, and the time that James attempted to assault me,
because I didn’t want her to worry. Those things were over with and it was impossible to
erase them, but I wouldn’t allow them to put a damper on all the good that had happened.
I explained the process of Alec vouching and what it meant, which stunned her just as
much as it had stunned me. It meant that I could someday be free to go off into the world
and explore my own path in life. It was everything my mother had ever dreamed for me,
and the more I spoke, the more she seemed to light up. The life came back into her as I told
her about Edward and I moving away somewhere together and going to college, and about
how it could someday mean marriage and a family if that’s what I wanted. I told her that it
was all up to me to decide, because Edward had given that to me. He had given me the
opportunity to choose my future and promised that he’d be there every step of the way.
We were standing out by the edge of the garden at one point as she kicked around some
dirt in her bare feet, pulling a few stray weeds. My mother couldn’t refrain from doing work
even when told she didn’t have to, which reminded me of how I’d been when I first went to
stay at the Cullen’s. I had practically begged them for work to do, unable to just relax. It
was startling how much I’d really changed in such a short period of time, most of it I hadn’t
even realized until I stood in front of my mother.
“Edward Cullen,” my mother said softly after a moment, reaching down to pull a weed.
“That name sounds oddly familiar.”
I looked at her with surprise as it dawned on me. “Oh, he’s been here before,” I said
quickly, realizing I’d left that part out. “I don’t know if you ever saw him or if you’d even
remember because it was a long time ago. We were both really little kids.”
She looked at me quickly with shock, and her eyes widened as they drifted past my
shoulder at something behind me. I swung around quickly and froze when I spotted
Edward approaching. “Speak of the devil,” I said, smiling. He smirked and shook his head.
“I thought we already established that motherfucker in the house was the devil, tesoro,” he
said jokingly.
“True,” I said.
“Christ, he is a fucking dickhead. I mean, I never doubted it or anything, but just give me
one minute alone with him and that bitch of a wife of his and I’d make this world a better
place,” he said, shaking his head. “I thought Alec was going to kick my fucking ass a few
times for saying shit to him.”
My eyes widened in shock. “What did you say?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I don’t know, Bella, I said a lot. I asked him if he’d like to be kicked around
like he kicked people around.”
“What did he say?” I asked.
“Not a damn thing,” he said. “He’s kind of a punk, you know. He’ll fuck with those lesser
than him but can’t stand up to his equals.” He paused briefly as a look of panic flashed
across his face. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. Christ, I’m not saying you guys are fucking
less than him or anything, or that I’m better than you because I’m not. You’re way better
than that motherfucker. Hell, tesoro, you’re better than me and I tell…”
I brought my hand up quickly to cover his mouth so he’d stop his rambling, much like he’d
done to me in the car before we got out, and I heard my mother gasp. I turned my head to
look at her and pulled my hand quickly from Edward’s mouth as a reflex, but he wrapped
his arms around me before I could move away.
“I think you should introduce me to your mom and shit, tesoro,” Edward said, leaning
down and kissing my neck softly. I smiled and blushed.
“Mom, this is Edward. Edward, this is my mother, Renee,” I said, smiling brightly.
“Nice to finally meet you,” Edward said politely, holding his hand out to her. She gaped at it
briefly but took it after a second, shaking it lightly.
“Edward Cullen,” she said, staring at him in shock. She had that same look on her face that
she’d had when she first spotted me… she looked like she’d seen a ghost.
“Yes, ma’am,” Edward said. Her eyes widened even more at his politeness, I imagine
because she’d never been called ma’am before in her life. She continued to stare at him and
let go of his hand, the silence becoming almost awkward. I cleared my throat and was about
to speak when she broke the silence by uttering a word that caused both Edward and I to
tense up.
“Elizabeth,” she said quietly, continuing to stare at Edward. Her eyes started welling up
with tears and my brow furrowed in confusion at her reaction.
“That was my mother's name,” Edward said hesitantly. I could hear the anxiety in his voice.
“I know,” my mother said, reaching up and brushing a tear from her cheek. “You look
exactly like her. I remember when you two visited.”
“You remember?” I asked. “I wonder why I can’t remember it.”
Edward tensed up even more and my mother continued to stare at him. “You were young,
sweetheart,” she said.
“Yeah but I remember his mom,” I said, frowning. “A little bit, anyway. I remember she
gave me a doll and I wanted to be like her but then she just disappeared. I guess she didn’t
have any reason to come the whole way to Phoenix anymore.”
My mother closed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know why you don’t remember,
Isabella. It was a long time ago, like you said. I just recall her keeping an eye on you for me
so I could work in peace. You, uh… you were a bit of a handful back then.” She reopened
her eyes and smiled softly, but there was sadness in her expression.
“She’s still a handful,” Edward chimed in. “She keeps me on my toes.” I blushed and he
chuckled at my reaction.
“I’m not surprised,” my mom said. “She has her spirit back, you can tell just by looking at
her.”
My blush deepened and they both laughed. Edward started to say something but a voice
from behind us made him stop as we all turned to look at Alec.
“The food is ready,” he said. “I thought you’d like to know, considering Edward was
complaining that he was going to die of starvation when he was inside.”
I rolled my eyes as Edward chuckled. “What? I haven’t eaten all day, damn.”
“Go eat if you’re hungry, Edward,” I said, shaking my head.
“Are you not coming? You should really fucking eat something, you know. You haven’t
eaten all day either. We woke up and came straight here,” he said pointedly. I glanced at
him and shook my head.
“I’m not eating. Not if she can’t,” I said seriously. His brow furrowed and my mother
sighed.
“Go eat, Isabella,” she said. “I’ll be here when you’re done, sweetheart.”
I shook my head and looked at her, frowning. “No,” I said.
“And she can’t eat… why?” Edward asked in confusion. I sighed as my mother explained.
“We don’t eat during the day,” she said quietly. “Master Charles usually feeds us at night,
but never during the day and definitely never with them.”
“Fuck, I forgot about that,” Edward said. “I forgot you used to refuse to eat with us because
of that. That’s bullshit. You should be able to goddamn eat when you want to fucking eat.”
I could hear his anger and feel his tension. “It’s fine,” my mother said immediately,
obviously sensing it also.
“No, it’s not,” Edward said, letting go of me. He turned and started for the house quickly,
startling me.
“Where are you going?” I yelled.
“Wait here,” he said pointedly. My brow furrowed as he started jogging for the house,
catching up with Alec on the porch. They both stopped and exchanged words before
laughing and disappearing inside.
“I can’t believe it,” my mother said with a small smile on her lips, shaking her head.
“What?” I asked curiously, looking at her.
“I’m surprised it’s them,” she said. “Out of all the people in the world, you ended up with
them. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. I never knew Elizabeth’s last name and
never really paid attention to which one her husband was, so I had no idea that was the
family you ended up with. I wouldn’t have worried as much since you’ve been gone had I
known you ended up with Elizabeth’s family.”
I nodded. “She seemed like a really nice woman. It’s sad that she died, it really hurt them
all.”
“When did she pass?” she asked.
“Almost ten years ago,” I said, frowning. “Edward was eight. She was murdered and they
shot him too, but thankfully he survived it.”
The collared drained from my mother's face at my words. “Do you know why she was
killed? Who killed her?” she asked hesitantly.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly. Dr. Cullen said she got nosy when trying to help
somebody out and ended up getting killed for not minding her own business. That’s about
all I know, none of them really like talking about it.”
She nodded. “That’s heartbreaking.”
“It is,” I responded. We were both quiet for a second before the screen door slammed. I
looked up and saw Edward heading toward us with two plates in his hand. I smiled and
shook my head as he approached.
“You are too good to me,” I said quietly. He chuckled.
“That’s my line, tesoro. Quit stealing my shit,” he said playfully, handing me a plate. He
held the other one out to my mother and she just stared at it with shock. She made no
attempt to take it from his hand so I did.
“Did you make these yourself?” I asked, glancing down at the food. I knew Clara was still
working in the kitchen and would never dare put out a sandwich that looked like the one on
the plate. The bread was smashed down and it was cut straight down the center and not at
a diagonal like Charles demanded.
“Yes,” he said. “I can make a fucking sandwich, you know. I didn’t want the woman in the
kitchen to have to do it, that shit wouldn’t be right.”
I smiled, pride brewing inside of me. More than likely, it was no big deal to him, because it
was just a simple sandwich, but it meant more than he could ever fathom having never
lived the life we’d lived.
“Eat, mom,” I said pointedly, thrusting the plate at her. She looked at me with shock and
took the plate hesitantly, her hands shaking as her eyes welled up with tears. The sight
caused pain to rip through my chest again as I recalled what it felt like that first day in
Washington when Jasper made me a sandwich.
“Thank you,” she said through her tears.
“You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do for the woman who created this beautiful
creature,” he said, cupping my chin with his hand. He leaned over and pressed his lips to
mine softly, giving me a tender kiss. “I’d be lost in the world without her.”
I blushed once more. “I feel the same way about you,” I said quietly. He chuckled, nodding.
“Good. You two go sit down somewhere and eat,” he said. I smiled and went to sit down
right where I was but he grabbed a hold of my arm to stop me. “You can’t fucking sit
somewhere less dirty?”
I looked at him with surprise. “Why? I’m already dirty,” I said as my mother started
laughing hysterically. We both looked at her with confusion, wondering what was so funny.
“You said almost that exact same thing to her when the two of you first met. Minus the foul
language, of course,” she said, shaking her head and smiling with amusement. It was
startling and heart warming seeing such a happy expression on her face. “Isabella went to
sit down in the middle of the garden and you stopped her, asking her if she could find
somewhere less dirty.”
“Did I?” Edward asked, smirking. “What was her response?”
My mother laughed again. “That she was already dirty so it didn’t matter.”
Edward laughed along with my mother and I smiled. “It’s true, though. I am dirty, so a
little more dirt can’t hurt.” I plopped down on the ground with a huff and Edward shook
his head.
“You got me dirty, too, you know,” he said. I rolled my eyes.
“Do you plan to do your own laundry?” I asked, glancing at him. He shook his head
hesitantly. “Alright then. I don’t see why you’re complaining.”
He chuckled. “Because it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t complain,” he said jokingly, squatting

down beside me. “Enjoy your sandwiches or whatever. It’s the best I could do. You know I
can’t fucking cook. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I said, smiling and blushing. He leaned over and kissed me quickly before
getting up and starting toward the house. My mother sat down across from me and I
glanced at her, meeting her eyes. She had a look of contentment on her face, the frailty and
exhaustion was still evident, but she appeared almost at peace in the moment and that put
me at ease.
“He really loves you,” she said softly, smiling at me. I nodded.
“I know,” I said simply, picking up my sandwich and taking a bite. “And he’s not a perfect
person, but he really tries and that makes him perfect for me.”
We ate our sandwiches and spent the next few hours talking more. Everyone left us alone
until around sunset when Edward and Alec appeared. Alec stood by the porch as Edward
headed toward us. I knew based upon his expression that time was up and we had to leave,
but the very thought of walking away from my mother filled me with dread. My eyes welled
up with tears and he paused a few feet away, frowning as he gazed at me.
“I’ll give you a few minutes, okay?” he said gently. “I’ll be at the car.”
“Okay, thank you,” I said softly. He waved me off.
“You don’t have to thank me, tesoro,” he said, turning to look at my mother. “It’s been a
pleasure. I’ll see you again, I’m sure.”
“It’s been a pleasure to see you, too,” she said. He turned and walked away as I stood up,
brushing at my clothes. It truly didn’t matter if I was dirty but I was nervous and did it
instinctively.
My mother stood up and pulled me into a hug; tears were streaming from her eyes but she
had a radiant smile on her lips. I started sobbing as she hugged me.
“Shhh, Sweetheart, don’t cry,” she said softly. “Don’t be sad. This has been the greatest day
of my life, outside of the day you were born, of course. You don’t know how much it means
to see you like this. How happy it makes me to see you so happy. My baby girl, so much in
love and with the entire world at her fingertips. It was the thing I wished for every single
day of your life and just knowing you’ve found it has made every bit of pain and sadness
worth it.”
“I love you, mom,” I croaked out through my tears, squeezing her tightly.
“I love you, too, Isabella. I always have. I love you more than anything in this entire world.
I want you to go out there and live your life, baby girl. Be the person I always told you that
you could be. You’re destined to be great, I mean it,” she said.
“I miss you so much,” I stammered, my chest aching at having to leave her again.
“I miss you too, but you’ll always have me. I’ll be there with you in your heart every step of
the way, Sweetheart. The world is a better place with you out there in it,” she said, pulling
back from the hug. She pressed a kiss against my forehead and smiled through her tears.
“Now go. Go away from this place. I’m so happy to see you, but I’ll be even happier
knowing you’re out there living.”
I nodded and tried to speak but the words got caught in my throat, a sob escaping in their
place. She let out a sob of her own and covered her mouth quickly, using her other hand to
wave me off. “Go,” she said again. “He’s waiting. He’s where you’re supposed to be, not
here. Don’t keep him waiting.”
I nodded frantically, covering my mouth as I continued to cry, the tears flooding my eyes
and blurring my vision. I blinked rapidly, trying to see, and hesitated long enough for her
to bark out another “GO!” I took a few steps back, giving her one last look before turning
away and running straight for the car. I didn’t even look at Edward as I slipped past him
and into the passenger seat. He shut the car door and walked around to get in the driver's
side, starting the car as I curled up and broke down, bawling uncontrollably. He reached
over and gently caressed my arm but didn’t speak as he started pulling away from the
house.
He drove in silence to a hotel in the center of Phoenix and checked us in. We went straight
to the room and I stripped out of my clothes, climbing into the bed and curling up into a
ball. Edward undressed and slid in beside me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling
me to him.
“Tesoro?” he said eventually.
“Yes, Edward,” I said quietly, trying to stifle my sobs.
“I, uh… look, I’m not supposed to say anything to you about it yet, but I can’t just fucking
lay here while you cry all night,” he said. I turned over to look at him and he brought his
hand up to wipe my tears away. “Tomorrow morning we’re meeting Charles and Alec at a
lawyer's office here, in Phoenix, to have the paperwork drawn up to make you a U.S.
citizen, so you don’t have to pretend with that shit anymore. I mean, we have to fucking lie
about some details, but the basics are true. He’s your fucking father and he’s an American
so that makes you one. But whatever, we’ll deal with that in the morning.”
I stared at him in surprise as he wiped more of my tears away. “You mean like, I’ll be real?”
I asked. He chuckled.
“You’re already real, tesoro. But yeah, I get what you’re asking. You’ll legally exist, get a
birth certificate and social security number and shit,” he said.
“Wow,” I said, stunned. “It’s that easy?”
He chuckled again. “Once you get everyone to fucking cooperate, it’s easy. The problem lies
in getting them to agree to it. It took Alec throwing his weight around to get your punk ass
father to agree to do it.”
“Oh,” I said, stunned that Charles would be willing to do such a thing. “You mean he has to
actually admit that he made me?”
He nodded. “Yeah, he does. But whatever, like I said, we’ll deal with that tomorrow. That’s
not even what I was trying to tell you,” he said. I smiled softly and nodded for him to
continue. “Esme’s flying in tonight and is going to stay with you tomorrow afternoon when
Alec and I go back to the Swan's…”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “I want to go,” I said quickly, cutting him off. If he was
going back there, I wanted to go see my mother. “My mom…”
His hand shot up and covered my mouth to silence me. I shut up quickly and he chuckled.
“This is becoming a habit with us, isn’t it?” he said playfully. “But calm the hell down,
tesoro. Let me finish before you freak the fuck out on me. We’re going back there because
Alec is going to take your mom.”
My eyes widened in shock as he removed his hand from my mouth. “What do you mean
he’s going to take her?” I asked frantically.
“Okay, so maybe take is the wrong fucking word. He’s going to remove her. Or wait, maybe
that’s not right either. I mean, he’s going to fucking pay for her because that’s just what you
gotta fucking do- you’ve gotta pay- but he’s not going to take 'no' for an answer, if you know
what I mean. Just like my dad wouldn’t have taken 'no' for an answer with you,” he said. I
stared at him with confusion, taken aback by what he was saying.
“What are you saying? I mean, what’s going to happen with my mom?” I asked, not entirely
understanding. He sighed.
“Esme and Alec are going to take her to Chicago to live with them,” he said hesitantly. “I
mean, she won’t really be free, but you’ve seen the shit people have to go through to get the
whole freedom thing. But she’ll be okay there, you know. They’ll take care of her and she
won’t be forced to do shit. She’ll have a good life.”
I stared at him and felt the tears flowing again. “They’re going to take my mom with them?”
I asked, knowing that was exactly what he’d said but wanting to hear it again to be sure I
understood. He nodded.
“Yes. And I mean, you’ll be able to visit her and stuff. I know what you said about going to
California to college and shit- and that’s cool- but I’m figuring you’ll want to move near
them instead. I won’t take you to Chicago to live but we can move closer at least, like Em
and Rose. They’re only like an hour or so away,” he said. A dozen different emotions hit me
with his words, all of it so intense that it stole the breath right from me.
“I can have her in my life?” I asked, trying to fight back the excitement threatening to boil
up. He smiled softly and nodded.
“If that’s what you want,” he said softly. My eyes widened in shock and I gasped for air.
“Of course I do!” I yelled, grabbing a hold of him and burrowing into his chest. He chuckled
and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. I lay in his arms and cried, unable to
contain the smile on my face at the thought of really having my mom in my life again. The
thought of her actually getting to see me live life, being able to watch as I lived out all of the
dreams she had for me. Edward held me as I cried, whispering sweet things about our
future to me as I fell asleep.
I was awoken to Edward’s hushed voice the next morning, opening my eyes and seeing him
sitting on the edge of the bed with the phone pressed against his ear. He was dressed and
his hair was a shade darker than usual, so I could tell he’d already showered. “Yes. I
couldn’t fucking help it, I had to tell her. Christ, what’s the fucking harm? Like he’s going to
deny you it, he can’t. I know, I know. Whatever.”
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “So my father’s alright? I’ve been really fucking
worried. I kept trying to call and he wasn’t answering. Yeah, I know. Better safe than sorry,
what the fuck ever.”
He paused and stretched his back as he listened to the person on the line, who I assumed
was Alec based on what he was saying. “So they know about the doctor? Christ, Alec. They
bought that shit? Yeah, that’s fucked up. Do they know who the rat is? Because I’m not
looking forward to the goddamn police beating down the door. I’m glad they’re getting all
the shit out of there, though. I can fucking breathe easier knowing I’m not living above the
goddamn mafia storage unit. Christ, okay, okay. I’m fucking shutting up, I get it. Mind my
own goddamn business.”
He shifted position and glanced at me, freezing when he saw my eyes opened. A smile came
upon his lips and he leaned down, kissing me softly.
“Yeah, she just woke up. We’ll get ready and meet you there in an hour.” He hung up and
sighed. “Big day, tesoro,” he said. “We need to get going.”
I nodded and sat up. “Okay,” I said, my voice scratchy so I cleared my throat. I climbed out
of bed and headed straight for the bathroom, taking a shower quickly. I got dressed
afterwards, pulling on a pair of jeans and one of Edward’s T-Shirts. He hadn’t been very
good at packing and I was already out of clothes, but I didn’t say anything because I hadn’t
exactly been helpful.
“So Dr. Cullen is okay?” I asked as we were getting ready to leave. He sighed and nodded,
running a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, I guess. I mean, he’s not having fun or anything, that’s for fucking sure. They’re
having a lot of problems and they’ve got someone inside the justice department that says
they caught wind of the location of our house so it’s only a matter of time before they come
to visit. They’re having strategy meetings and quickly trying to clean out the house of all
traces of illegal activity, moving it somewhere else. It’s also why we’re making sure we do
this shit today. We don’t want them showing up and asking questions about where the fuck
you came from, ya know?” he said.
I nodded, not entirely understanding but knowing enough to realize they were in some
serious trouble. Edward asked if I was ready to go and I agreed, taking his hand and
heading out. He didn’t bother checking out, saying we’d be staying at least another night
before even considering starting to drive back to Washington. We got in the car and he
drove through town, my anxiety increasing with each passing second.
By the time he pulled up in front of the massive building in the middle of Phoenix, my
heart was thumping furiously and my anxiety was causing my stomach to churn. Edward
shut the car off and sighed, turning to look at me. “Look, we’re going to have to deny your
mother,” he said, frowning. “The easiest way to make this happen is to say you were an
orphan in Italy. My father got some official documents from the government over there
through the Italian mafia’s connections that claim you were born and abandoned there,
and we’ve got the DNA tests to prove you’re Charles Swan’s biological child. He’s an
American so it’ll make you a citizen by birth, regardless of where you were born.”
I stared at him, torn by what he’d just said. They were giving me an identity, but at the
same time essentially wiping out the only one I’d ever really had by denying my mother’s
identity. I understood the logic of it, but it hurt regardless.
“She’s still your mother,” he said when I didn’t respond. “She’ll always be your mother in
every way that counts. We just… you know, we just gotta do what we gotta do sometimes to
make shit work. It fucking sucks, but it’s life.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said quietly. “I understand.”
He sighed and got out of the car, walking around to help me out. I took his hand when he
held it out to me and he kept a hold of it as he led me into the building, walking down a
hallway to a room at the end of it. The door was already open and I tensed up as I glanced
inside, spotting Charles sitting in a chair in front of a desk with an older man behind it.
Alec was standing off to the side with his arms crossed at his chest, eyeing Charles
pointedly. They all looked at us as we entered and Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“Now that we’re all here, we can get this started,” the man behind the desk said, shifting
through some papers on his desk. Edward nodded his head toward the chair beside Charles
and I sat down cautiously, not wanting to make a scene. Charles shifted his body away from
mine slightly as he tensed up, an awkward, uncomfortable silence enveloping the room. It
was clear he was displeased about the situation and not entirely there of his own accord. I
could tell from his glare, and the way Charles kept nervously glancing at him, that Alec was
the one truly in charge.
The lawyer started talking about immigration laws, naturalization and section 320 of some
child citizenship acts, but none of it made much sense to me because I couldn’t focus on the
conversation with Charles in such close proximity. Thankfully, everyone answered for me
when he starting asking questions, because I was afraid I’d get sick if I was forced to open
my mouth to speak.
The lawyer handed Charles some paperwork, which he begrudgingly signed while
muttering under his breath before shifting them over toward me. I could feel his eyes on
me as he held the pen out, and I took it from his hand carefully without looking at him. I
glanced at the papers and spotted where he’d signed, noticing the line beside it for my
name. My hand trembled as I wrote my signature in the designated spot and then laid the
pen down on top of the papers.
They spoke some more and we were given even more paperwork to sign, none of which I
understood but I made a mental note to ask Edward later for an explanation of it all. They
were talking about inheritances and wills and birthrights but none of that seemed like it
would ever be relevant to me.
After about thirty minutes the lawyer said we were finished, and I stood up quickly to bolt
from the room without having uttered a single word. Edward grabbed my arm in the
hallway, forcing me to slow down.
“Whoa, tesoro,” he said gently. “We’re done, you can relax.”
I sighed and nodded, trying to get my nervousness under control. Alec walked out and
glanced at us with a serious expression on his face. “Esme’s waiting at the hotel already, so
drop her off and come straight to the Swan’s,” he said, walking away quickly without even
giving Edward an opportunity to respond.
We headed out of the building and were standing beside Edward’s car as he unlocked it
when Charles stepped outside. He paused and stared at Edward and me , shaking his head.
“I can’t believe my daughter is with a Cullen,” he said. I froze as he spoke the words and
stared at him, stunned.
“Excuse me?” Edward said.
“What did you just say?” I asked, speaking at the same time as Edward.
A smile came upon Charles’s lips. “I said, I can’t believe my daughter ended up with a
Cullen. Those two bloodlines are going to mix wonderfully.” I sensed Edward tense up, the
anger flowing from him as he lost his hold on his temper, but I grabbed a hold of him
quickly before he snapped. My own anger rose up as I narrowed my eyes, furious at his
words.
“I’m not your daughter,” I said sharply, feeling the tears forming from my rage. “I don’t
care what we just said in that room, you’re not my father and never will be! You’re nothing
to me but the man who hurt my mother!”
Edward’s head snapped in my direction and Charles froze, his eyes widening in shock.
People on the street around us paused to look and I knew I was making a scene, but I
couldn’t help it. I was upset that he’d say such a thing and couldn’t seem to rein in my
anger. “How dare you even speak to me after… after… everything! I can’t believe you! I’m
not your daughter! I hope you burn in Hell, you… you… rapist!”
Charles’s face turned bright red and Edward started pushing me toward the car while
shouting obscenities. I didn’t resist and got inside, still trying to fight back my anger. I
couldn’t believe the nerve of him to speak to me like that after everything that occurred. He
tortured me and continued to hurt my mother in unspeakable ways and he thought signing
a piece of paper would suddenly make me forget? That he could call me his daughter, and
that he was allowed to be happy about my future? He never wanted me to have a future!
Edward got in the car and continued to curse as he sped through the city toward our hotel.
We arrived and he got out, walking me inside. We spotted Esme in the lobby and she
followed us up to the room, telling Edward to go ahead and leave. He hesitated while
looking at me, frowning. The tears were flowing freely from my eyes and I continually
sniffed because my nose was running, so I knew I looked like an utter mess. He reached
over and wiped my cheeks with his fingers, sighing.
“It’s going to be great, Bella. It’s okay. I promise,” he whispered. I smiled at his words.
“I trust you,” I responded. His lips turned up into that gorgeous half-grin that sent my
heart fluttering.
“Good,” he said before turning and walking away. Esme shut the door and smiled at me.
“Wipe those tears, sweetie. It’s no time to cry, it’s time to celebrate. You and I are ordering
room service and watching happy movies all day,” she said warmly. I smiled at her and
went into the bathroom to wash my face as she ordered food for us. We lounged around
and ate while watching what Esme said were her favorite movies, like Pretty Woman,
Legally Blonde and Almost Famous. I tried my best to pay attention to the screen but my
mind kept wandering. Thoughts of my mother swarmed me, my potential future with
Edward shifting and merging into a future where my mother was nearby. A life where she
could someday watch Edward and I marry, where she could maybe meet her grandchildren
and watch as another generation grows with her blood flowing through their veins.
I imagined what life would be like in the Chicago area. I didn’t know too much about it, but
I knew there weren’t any palm trees and it was definitely colder than California. Emmett
and Rosalie would be closer, and at least Edward would have most of his family nearby. I
preferred warmth but I would happily sacrifice such a petty thing for Edward. He deserved
to have his family in his life and I would never want to take that from him… especially since
he was fighting so hard to give me mine.
Hours flew by and before I knew it, the sun was setting outside. I worried about where
Edward was but trusted he knew what he was doing. We were watching Dirty Dancing and
my eyes started to close on their own accord, exhaustion creeping in. I drifted off to sleep
and was awoken much later to the sound of distressed voices. I opened my eyes and spotted
the television right away, noticing the silence of the fuzzy black and white flickering screen
immediately. My brow furrowed in confusion as the voices continued and a sob rang out.
Panic hit me hard and I sat up abruptly, looking around frantically. My eyes fell upon
Edward standing in the doorway and froze as the most intense dread I’d ever felt in my life
coursed through my body. I felt sick instantly at his expression.
“Where’s my mom?” I blurted out, my heart pounding feverishly in my chest.
He stared at me, and in the glow of the television I could see his panic. I could see the pain
and fear. His eyes were glassed over with unshed tears and I just knew… I just knew in that
moment that he’d been wrong.
He’d broken his promise to me. He promised that it would be great and that everything was
okay.
“No!” I said, horrified by the look on his face. “No, Edward! NO!”
He nodded hesitantly, his face twisted in agony. Esme let out a sob and covered her mouth
as tears started streaming down her face. My breath left me and my chest constricted as I
gasped for air and started to hyperventilate, fighting to breathe while it felt like my lungs
had collapsed. I couldn’t seem to get air into them and my chest was burning, like my
insides had burst into flame.
“Oh, God. Bella,” he said, his raspy voice echoing his distress. He started toward me quickly
and I shook my head frantically, trying to back away from him.
“NO! You promised, Edward!” I gasped. I had no idea what had happened, but I just knew
that everything was terribly wrong.
“Fuck, I know I did, baby,” he said, his voice cracking as he fought back tears. He reached
out to grab a hold of me and I pushed him as I hard as I could, trying to get away.
“Stop! Just stop it! It’s all wrong, you’re wrong!” I yelled as tears flowed from my eyes.
“Where is she, Edward?”
He grabbed a hold of me despite my attempts to get away and squeezed me tightly. I tried
to push out of his arms but he held on to me, never wavering as I started flailing around,
trying desperately to fight him off.
“Let go of me! Stop it! Tell me where she is!” I screamed. He started shushing me and I
could hear his voice tremble as he started to cry, his tears shattering what was left of my
resolve. I started sobbing uncontrollably and wailing on him, screaming that he was wrong,
that he didn’t know anything, that he’d promised me. I balled my hands into fists and hit
him as hard as I could, my movements restricted by his arms which were pinning me to
him. He took every blow I could manage in stride, never letting go of me or loosening his
grip.
“I’m so sorry, tesoro. I’m so fucking sorry. I tried, I really fucking tried,” he said. “She’s
gone, baby. We did everything we could but she’s fucking gone.”
His words caused my panic to surge. “NO!” I screamed. I started chanting the word, over
and over again, screaming incoherently. He was wrong, she wasn’t gone. He made a
mistake. He needed to go back and make it right. He promised me!
He continued to hold me as I screamed at him, and yelled deplorable things, blaming him
for ruining everything. It wasn’t his fault but I was hurt and angry, and I just couldn’t
accept it. He was giving me no explanation, just telling me he was sorry and that everything
was going to be okay. He was trying to reassure me but his words were only hurting more.
Okay?! How was everything going to be okay?
I tried to fight him off of me, yelling for him to let me go, but he wasn’t listening. I pushed
against his chest and was struck with horror when I noticed the red splatter on his shirt. I
screamed at the sight of the blood and Edward’s eyes widened in shock.
“Christ, it’s not hers, baby. Fuck, Bella. It’s not hers. Calm down,” he said quickly, trying to
reassure me but the words did nothing to calm me. Regardless of whose blood was on him,
the fact remained that she was gone.
His phone started ringing and he ignored it, not moving an inch. I cried and screamed, told
him I hated him for what he was doing to me, and he took it. He took everything I threw at
him, every harsh word and painful scream. He’d given me hope and took it right back away
from me, stomping on it with those words he’d spoken. ‘She’s gone’.
Every ‘I hate you’ that I spat out was followed immediately with an ‘I love you’ from his
lips. Every time I told him to leave me alone, begged him to let go of me, he told me he
would be there for me forever. He whispered in Italian in an attempt to calm me down,
chanting ‘sempre’ every time I screamed ‘no’. His hold was strong, his warmth and scent
familiar but did nothing to squelch the devastation rocking through me.
My anger morphed into sorrow as my energy waned. I stopped trying to hit him and gave
up on fighting him off, realizing it was useless. I clutched on to him tightly, balling his shirt
up in my fists as I gave in to it. I gave in to the pain and the heartbreak, knowing it would
come whether I wanted it to or not. There was no avoiding it; there was no changing it. I
burrowed into his chest and sobbed as he attempted to soothe me, laying me down on the
bed and holding on to me.
I cried for what felt like an eternity, sobbing until my throat was raw and my eyes burned.
The pain in my chest faded and numbness set it, my tears drying up as exhaustion took
over my body. I lay still in the silent room, staring at the blank, flickering television screen
as I zoned out entirely.
She was gone.
Chapter 63 Liberation & Destruction
“Death either destroys us or unmasks us. If it means liberation, better things
await us when our burden is gone; if destruction, nothing at all awaits us,
blessings and curses are abolished.” – Seneca
I sped through Phoenix as fast as I could get away with, anxious to get to the Swan’s
residence. I dropped Isabella off at the hotel with Esme and had a fucking hard time
walking away from her after what had happened. I couldn’t believe Charles Swan had the
audacity to call her his goddamn daughter and try to act as if they were family after
everything he’d done, sickened at the thought that he was acting that way because she was
involved with me. He seemed to think the fact that I loved her made her fucking valuable,
when the fact of the matter was I wasn’t worthy of a fraction of her devotion. She was better
than me, better than all of this shit, and he was fucking blind not to realize that she’d
always been fucking special. She was a treasure, a diamond in the rough. I didn’t fucking
call her tesoro for nothing, I truly meant that shit. I was proud of her for standing up for
herself when he said that, for being brave enough to put him in his place, but I wanted
nothing more than to kick his fucking ass for making her have to do it.
She’d been so brave walking into that lawyer’s office, keeping her calm as she sat beside
that vile motherfucker and signed the paperwork that would give her a chance at a life
where she didn’t have to constantly hide who she was. She could walk into a room and say
‘I’m Isabella Swan’ and that shit would be real, because there would finally be fucking
record of her existence with the government. And I knew it had to be hard on her, but she
did it with her head held high. Her hand trembled as she signed those papers even though
she probably had no fucking clue exactly what she was truly gaining through them -- but
she still did it none-the-less.
In fact, she’d fucking been stronger than I ever imagined possible the entire trip. I was
worried about how the hell she was going to react at the Swan’s house, afraid one of those
motherfuckers would say or do something to cause her to buckle, but she didn’t. She kept
her strength and proved to me exactly how much she’d grown over the past year.
Seeing her with her mother was startling. It was hard to describe how I felt the moment
Isabella tore her hand from mine and ran right for her, the desperation in her movements
and longing in her expression were fucking staggering. I stood there frozen for a moment,
just stunned as I watched them hold each other and cry. It fucking hurt, because I’d
thought the past few months that my girl was whole, but seeing her at that moment I
realized I’d been wrong. There was clearly something vital missing from Isabella’s life, a big
ass gaping fucking hole in her world that could only be filled by that woman she was
clinging to with so much need. I felt fucking stupid for not realizing how important it was
until that moment. Me, of all people, should’ve goddamn understood how much she
needed her mother.
I didn’t want to leave her, but Alec told me to take my ass in the house and give her some
space. It hurt but I walked away, knowing she needed to spend the time with her mother.
Every second that I sat inside that wretched house, my anger grew. All I could think about
were the stories Isabella had told me about bullshit that had happened to her on the
property. The murders she witnessed, the beatings she endured, the shit she was forced to
do… all of it was overwhelming and I was fucking pissed. It was wrong, every bit of it, and I
blamed the motherfucker who sat across from me in the living room for every bit of pain
she endured. Charles Swan had brutalized Isabella’s mother and tortured them both. It was
his goddamn fault the two of them were outside being rocked by devastation. It was his
fucking fault my girl wasn’t whole.
Alec knew I was upset and tried to keep me under control, telling me that if I didn’t watch
myself I’d have to fucking leave and take Isabella with me. As much as I wanted to get up
and bust that motherfucker in the mouth for all of the ignorant things he’d ever said to
Isabella, I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything that would cut her time with her mother
short. I wanted Charles to fucking pay, but I couldn’t make my girl suffer in the process.
She was more important to me than revenge, but I vowed silently to myself as I sat across
from him that I would see the day that Charles Swan paid for his fucking transgressions.
He didn’t say much the entire time unless Alec spoke to him directly. He clearly fucking
revered my uncle, and he even looked at me with that fearful respect in his eyes. He may
have not been afraid of me specifically, because he didn’t fucking know me, but my last
name naturally carried a certain amount of power with it. My father had murdered his
parents and given him a pass, and he fucking knew he’d never get another. He knew he’d
gotten lucky and they didn’t give second chances often, so any fuck up, no matter how
small, was liable to be a death sentence for him. He may have thought bad of me, and he
was probably sitting across the room wishing he could beat the shit out of me as I spat rude
comments at him, but there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do about it.
Besides the strange encounter on the porch, Jane never once reappeared during the visit.
I’d heard such horror stories about how much of a fucking lunatic she was and had gotten
the impression that she was practically fearless, but something had sent her ass running
scared. I could hear her, though, stomping around upstairs and randomly having
screaming fits and it pissed me off even more when I realized that was what my fucking girl
dealt with every day before she came into my life. I was fucking glad not to have to deal
with her directly or look at her, because I probably would’ve wanted to kick her in the
fucking face like she’d done to Isabella if she dared to even speak to me. That bitch was
going to pay for what she’d done, too. There was no doubt in my goddamn mind about it.
It was odd, but I’d been nervous meeting Isabella’s mother and had to gather up the
courage to finally walk outside and face her. I knew how much she meant to Bella, and I
was afraid saying or doing the wrong fucking thing would taint Renee’s view of me and
she’d try to persuade Isabella to stay away. I believed she loved me and trusted me, but I
knew how fucking much her mother’s blessing would mean and I already had a big
goddamn strike against me by being the son of the man who bought her. I couldn’t fucking
pretend to be someone I wasn’t, however, and had no desire to anyway. I didn’t want to
trick her into liking me because I needed her to be able to trust Isabella with me. I needed
her to know that I’d keep her daughter safe and did right by her, and I couldn’t truly do
that shit by putting on a show. I just had to have faith she’d be able to look past my
abrasive exterior and see whatever it was Isabella had seen that allowed her to love and
trust me so entirely.
I was caught completely off guard when she spoke my mother’s name, anxiety rocking me
when she started talking about remembering her. I wasn’t sure how much Renee would
know but was silently begging she didn’t fucking divulge anything that I’d been desperately
trying to keep Isabella from finding out. Thankfully, the subject was dropped quickly and I
ended up going inside to make them both something to eat when they reminded me that
Charles rarely fed his fucking help. I recalled how skinny Isabella used to be, how fearful
she’d been when it came to eating at our house at first, and that memory did nothing to
help maintain my calm. Renee looked fucking sickly and it was wrong, so I walked inside
and informed that motherfucker that Isabella’s mother was going to be eating whether he
liked it or not.
Alec started laughing the moment I stepped on the porch and told him what I intended to
do, and he watched with amusement as I tried to navigate the fucking kitchen. The woman
in there appeared shocked and confused, offering to lend me a hand when I couldn’t
fucking find what I was looking for. I thanked her and she seemed stunned, her expression
even more staggering when she realized who I was making the sandwiches for. I
appreciated her help and made her a fucking sandwich, too, letting it be known that I’d
given it to her so no one could fucking blame her for it. I told Charles that if he wanted to
beat someone’s ass over it, he could try to fucking beat mine. He didn’t say anything about
what I was doing but I asked Alec to reiterate the fact that they shouldn’t be punished for
what I was doing. I wouldn’t be able to fucking forgive myself if one of them got their ass
beat after I left because I had made them a sandwich and he considered that shit stealing or
something.
The day flew by quite fast and I stood at the front door of the house watching Isabella and
her mother as time started winding down. Alec strolled over to stand beside me, both of us
taking in the scene in front of us. They looked so content out in the garden, smiling and
talking together. It was clear just watching them that their bond was strong and their love
was unwavering. It made me think of the shit Isabella had said in the kitchen back in Forks
about questioning whether they’d ever truly been able to love each other. It was sad that
she’d had to fucking grow up thinking that, because it was clear that their love ran deep.
They were connected in ways I’d never even thought of before, and I realized my girl would
never truly be free as long as her mother lived under the conditions she did... her heart
would always remain enslaved.
“You have to help her,” I said quietly after a moment, unable to fucking take it anymore
because the thought of fucking separating them was tearing me up inside. Alec continued
to stare out at the garden, making no indication that he’d even heard what I’d said at first.
“Do you remember when your grandfather died?” he finally asked. I looked at him with
confusion, unsure of why he was bringing that up.
“Uh, yeah. Faintly,” I said. “I was like six or something.”
“I was sitting outside of your grandparents' house after the funeral and your mother sat
down beside me. Your mother… she never liked to come near me, so for her to approach
me was quite a big deal. I didn’t say anything to her as she sat down, simply allowed her the
chance to get out what it was she obviously needed to say,” he said, pausing. “When she
finally gathered up the courage to actually speak that afternoon, she said nearly those same
exact words to me. She said, ‘you have to help her’.”
I looked at him with surprise. “Isabella?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded.
“I told your mother no because it wasn’t my place to intervene. I’ve found myself saying
that many times over the years, always telling myself that it wasn’t my situation, therefore
none of my business. To this day I wonder how things might’ve been different had I been
willing to try. She put herself out there, pushed aside her own discomfort for another, and I
shut her down without a second thought. After everything, I should’ve at least tried. I owed
your mother that much,” he said. I looked at him in confusion, unsure of what he meant by
that statement.
“You owed her?” I asked curiously. He cut his eyes at me quickly and nodded.
“Yes, I did. Why is irrelevant, so don’t even bother quizzing me on the matter. The only
thing that matters right now is that I never truly made it up to her. It was the only time
Elizabeth ever asked me for something and I denied her it. I realize now that I shouldn’t
have. I should’ve learned my lesson,” he said, turning to look at me. “The most I can do for
Renee is allow her to live in my house. That’s risking enough, but frankly after vouching for
your girlfriend I doubt it’s possible to dig myself in any deeper at this point. If I die, it’ll be
that decision that kills me. Everything else is just extra.”
I stared at him, feeling both guilt and gratitude. “Thank you,” I said quietly, stunned but
grateful that he was willing to try. He shook his head.
“Don’t thank me, Edward,” he said, turning to look back out at Isabella and her mother.
“I’ve done nothing to earn your admiration. If you want to thank anyone, you ought to
thank your mother. I assure you she’s watching us all right now, holding out hope that we
don’t royally fuck this up.”
He briefly explained about the meeting with the lawyer and what it meant for Isabella, and
then informed me that he’d make a bid to buy Renee. He told me I had to fork over some of
the money for the transaction, which I was happy to fucking agree to. I had plenty of
fucking money sitting in the bank from my inheritance and they could have every goddamn
penny of it if it meant giving my girl the one thing she longed for most. He asked me not to
tell Isabella in case something went wrong and he failed, but I couldn’t fucking help it. I
couldn’t keep something so fucking big from her and allow her to be tortured at the thought
of having to leave her mother for good when I knew it wasn’t necessary. Although I realized
he had the right to and Alec would have to accept it if he held steadfast on the decision, I
knew there was no goddamn way Charles would tell him no when he asked to take Renee.
Charles feared and relied on my uncle too fucking much to ever deny him something he
asked for.
That was exactly why I had just left the bank, where I’d withdrawn an ungodly amount of
cash from my trust fund, and was speeding through Phoenix in a rush to get back to the
Swan’s. I was going to make sure it fucking went as smooth as possible because I’d
promised Isabella that it was going to be okay. I wanted to make her whole again and give
her the one thing I desperately wished someone could give me… I wanted to give Isabella
her mother back. She fucking deserved it.
I finally reached the property and spotted Alec’s car as I neared, pulling up behind it. I
climbed out and groaned as the heat hit me, stunned at how fucking sweltering it was. It
was the kind of heat that took your goddamn breath away and nearly fucking hurt to take
into your lungs. I started sweating immediately and ran my hand through my hair,
irritated. I couldn’t understand how any of them could tolerate it and hated knowing
Isabella had lived in the fucking place her entire life, forced to sleep where there was no
goddamn air conditioning. That shit had to be torturous.
I started toward the house but froze when the front door opened and Renee walked out.
She glanced at me and her steps faltered, her eyes darting around quickly in panic as she
looked for her daughter. I gaped at her, my eyes widening in horror when I took in her
appearance. She had the beginning of a faint bruise that was shaped like a fucking hand on
her throat where someone had obviously choked her, and other random marks along her
body that made it clear she’d been beaten not too long ago.
“Fuck,” I spat as anger surged through me. Charles had been gone with Alec all morning,
which had left crazy Jane alone at the house with Renee. I clenched my hands in fists,
enraged that she’d obviously fucking laid a hand on her.
She looked at me with shock briefly before her eyes darted down to the ground. “Sir,” she
said quietly. I tensed up at her words, shaking my head quickly.
“Oh no, fuck that. Did Jane do this to you?” I asked sharply. ”I swear to God, I’ll fucking kill
her.”
Her eyes widened and panic flashed in them as she looked at me, frantically shaking her
head. “It’s fine, I swear,” she said quickly. My eyes narrowed, my expression only causing
her panic to increase. “Please don’t make a scene. Please.”
I stared at her, trying to hold back my temper. “That shit’s not right,” I said pointedly. I
could see her eyes welling up with tears as she tried to keep her composure.
“I know, but… just… please, sir,” she said quietly.
“Christ, don’t call me sir, that’s just crazy,” I said. “You’re my girl’s mom. That makes you
like, my fucking mother-in-law. Or, I mean, you will be when we get married. Or if we do, I
guess. Whatever. The point is, you shouldn’t fucking be treated this way.”
She looked at me with surprise. “I swear it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt. Looks worse than it is,”
she said, rubbing her neck while hesitating. “You’d, uh… would you seriously marry my
daughter?” My brow furrowed at her question.
“Of course I would,” I said seriously. “If she wants to get married, we’ll get married, you
know? It’s really her decision to make but I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
A smile came upon her lips and her face lit up at my statement, a stark fucking contrast of
how she’d looked just a moment ago. “You really do love her,” she said, brushing a tear
away that slipped from the corner of her eye. I nodded.
“I do. I mean, I’m not fucking perfect and I won’t pretend to be, but I try. I do my best, and
I’d fucking do anything for her,” I said. Her smile grew as she gazed at me.
“She said the same thing yesterday. She’s lucky to have found you,” she said. I shook my
head.
“I think I’m the lucky one,” I said seriously.
“Can I, uh…” she started quietly, glancing around quickly. “Can I tell you something?”
I nodded. “Of course you can,” I said, curious as to what the fuck she was going to say. She
glanced around once more and stepped off of the porch, out into the yard. I hesitated but
followed as she took a few steps away from the house. I could see the nervousness in her
expression as her eyes darted along the property, obviously worried that she was being
watched.
“I remember when your mother visited,” she started. “She was the kindest person I’d ever
met. She used to talk all the time about a world outside of this place for my daughter. I’d
always hoped since she was born that something would change for my baby girl, but your
mother was the one who really put it in my head. She talked about how special Isabella was
and how she just knew she was destined for more.”
“She is,” I added. “She’s really fucking special. Beautiful, smart, talented… I’ve never met
anyone like her.”
“You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that,” she said, gazing at me in
an adoring manner. Her eyes were brimmed with tears but she didn’t appear upset in the
least. She looked proud- really fucking proud- which was startling because her pride was
focused on me. I wasn’t exactly used to people being proud of the shit I did.
“I mean every word,” I said quietly, unsure of what else to say. She nodded.
“Something tells me to believe you… to, uh… trust you. You know, I barely recognize my
daughter now. She’s still that big-hearted girl I raised, but she’s really happy now and she’s
healthy. She doesn’t have so much weight on her shoulders, so much keeping her down and
holding her back. She’s better off away from all of this, and as much as it may hurt to let go,
it means more to me than anyone could understand that she’s out there in the world living.
Your mother always talked about how it was fate that she came here, that she was destined
to save my daughter from all of this, and now I know that she actually did. Elizabeth finally
saved her… through you,” she said as tears started slipping down her cheeks. She reached
her hand up to wipe them away, clearing her throat. “You’ve saved my daughter.”
“She’s saved me,” I added at once, caught off guard by her words. She smiled softly.
“I’m not surprised,” she added, before starting to walk away. She paused after a few steps
and turned back to look at me. “Can I ask something of you? For Isabella?”
I nodded with no hesitation. “Anything.”
She smiled again. “Please look out for her out there. Keep her away from people like the
Swans; people who have no compassion for someone like us... like me. Let her live, but
please make sure she stays safe. Can you promise me that?”
“Absolutely,” I said. She nodded.
“Thank you,” she said. “I can rest easy, knowing she’s safe. And whatever you do, Edward
Cullen… never bring her back to this place. She doesn’t belong here.”
I was about to tell her that wouldn’t be a problem, because she wouldn’t even fucking be
there much longer, when the front door opened and someone stepped outside. She turned
quickly and bolted for the barn before I could say another word, and I glanced at the porch
to see Alec standing there.
“Did you tell her?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
“Who, Renee?” I asked. He nodded. “No, you just scared her the fuck away before I could.”
He started to speak but was cut off abruptly by loud screeching in the house, the woman’s
voice screaming in anger. I cringed at the sound and Alec sighed with annoyance.
“He did WHAT?!” Jane screamed, footsteps pounding across the floor. “My brother
actually vouched for that little bitch?!”
Starting up the stairs toward the front door, I felt anger surge within me and I clenched my
hands into fists, when her words registered with me. No one fucking called my girl a bitch,
I didn’t care who the fuck they were. I didn’t hesitate to punch my own father when he said
that shit and surely would have no qualms beating the sadistic bitch to a pulp for it. Alec
quickly grabbed a hold of my shirt to stop me as I stepped on to the porch, jolting me back
roughly and causing the collar to cut off my air briefly as it dug into my neck.
“Control yourself,” he said firmly, his voice calm. “Don’t say or do anything. This is my
situation and I will handle it. All of it.” I glared at him but didn’t respond as the front door
was thrust open forcefully and Jane stepped out onto the porch. She froze when she
spotted me, her steps faltering as a flash of surprise came across her face, but she regained
her composure and turned away from me quickly.
“I can’t believe you!” she snapped at Alec, glaring angrily at him. “Why would you do that?
What the fuck did you have my husband sign this morning?!”
Alec stared at her, anger flashing in his eyes. “He signed what was necessary,” he said
coolly, his outward appearance not reflecting the rage I could tell was brewing on the
inside. Alec hated fucking being confronted; she had to know what she was doing was
dangerous. Jane laughed bitterly, shaking her head furiously.
“Necessary? None of this is necessary, Alec! You’re freeing that damn girl and buying her
fucking mother? What has gotten into you?” she yelled. “You used to be so fucking smart,
why are you doing this? Is it because of her? Is that what this is about? Her?”
“Shut up,” Alec said forcefully, fire flaring in his eyes as his rage intensified. His expression
stunned me and my heart started thumping frantically in my chest. Jane narrowed her eyes
as her own anger escalated.
“Don’t you dare tell me to shut up!” she snapped. “It is, isn’t it? It’s all about fucking her!
Trying to make up for what happened, trying to fix it all! It can’t be fixed, Alec!”
“I’m not going to tell you again, Jane,” Alec spat, his voice losing the calm edge it usually
held.
“I’m not afraid of you,” she snapped, closing the distance between them immediately and
getting in his face. “You’re ruining my life over this and it’s not worth it! They’re not worth
it! You don’t owe them anything! Why do they matter?! They’re just fucking slaves, Alec!
Just because these fucking Cullens fall in love…”
Her words caught me off guard and I stared in shock as Alec’s arms shot out quickly, his
hands grasping her by the throat and cutting off her words mid-sentence as he blocked her
windpipe. He slammed her back against the house and she started choking and flailing
around. She was trying to pry his hands off of her, her manicured fingernails digging into
his flesh and drawing blood but he didn’t waver a fucking bit. He held her by the throat
tightly, his stance almost statuesque. It was fucking frightening and I didn’t know what to
goddamn do, because she definitely couldn’t fucking breathe and he was just staring her in
the eyes as she gasped for air.
“Are you done now?” he asked after a moment, the eerie calmness returning and sending a
chill of fright down my spine. I had no idea what the fuck was going on and couldn’t focus
to any make any sense out of their confrontation. It scared the hell out of me, though,
because she’d said something to set him off in a way I’d never fucking witnessed before.
She nodded her head as she grasped at his hands on her neck, gurgling as she fought for
oxygen and words.
“Burns, doesn’t it?” Alec asked stoically. “Having someone wring your neck, making
breathing impossible? Imagine how they feel when you and your husband torture them,
how Renee felt this morning when you grabbed a hold of her like this. Imagine how she felt
that day, Janie. Doesn’t feel very good, does it?” He continued to stare at his sister as she
fought desperately to breathe, giving no indication that he was going to fucking let her go
anytime soon. Charles bounded out the front door of the house, his eyes widening in shock
when he saw what was going on.
“Stop, Alec!” he yelled, starting toward my uncle with a frantic look on his face. “You’re
going to kill her!” Alec’s eyes snapped over at him instantly, the fire in them fucking
staggering. This was the goddamn Alec I’d always feared over the years, the cold calculating
murderer that I’d fucking heard stories about.
I frantically tried to come up with something to say or do, because I was just fucking
standing there as he squeezed the life out of his own sister. Even though I felt like she
deserved that shit for being so fucking sadistic, I thought I should stop him before he did
something he’d regret later, but before I could even debate that shit a loud scream rang out
from the barn that startled us all. It was bone chilling and sent a shiver down my spine, my
heart fucking stalling as my blood ran cold at the sound of it. Alec let go of Jane instantly as
more screams rang out, his eyes meeting mine briefly as he turned and hurried down the
steps. I leapt off the porch after him, terrified as that bad fucking feeling I’d grown familiar
with slammed into me hard and nearly took my fucking breath away.
“She’s not fucking her,” Jane screamed from the porch, grabbing her neck as she gasped for
air. “Just because he’s doing the same thing as his fucking father doesn’t mean they’re the
same, Alec! Isabella isn’t Elizabeth!!”
Her words caught me off guard and I swung my head around to look at Jane, not paying
attention to where I was fucking going as my brain frantically tried to process what the hell
she’d just said. I ran straight into Alec’s back as he froze right inside the barn, nearly
knocking him over with the force of it. He grabbed a hold of me and swung me around
quickly, shoving me roughly into the barn. My temper flared as he pushed me and I started
cursing, but the screaming rang out again and cut me off quickly. My head snapped in the
direction of the noise and I froze, my eyes widening in horror as the most intense fucking
dread rocked through me. The air left my lungs immediately and I gasped loudly as
sickness surged inside of me. I toppled over and started dry heaving, trying to fucking
breathe as the bile rose up and burned my chest. My eyes started watering, whether from
the sickness or the fucking sight in front of me I wasn’t sure, but it blurred my goddamn
vision as I nearly blacked out.
“Get a grip on yourself,” Alec said firmly, reaching down and grabbing a hold of me. He
yanked me upright by my shirt and shoved me again, glaring at me. I looked at him with
horror, fighting to regain control of my body as I turned to look back in the barn.
On the ground in front of me, lying on its side in the hay and dirt was a wooden stool. A
pair of dirty bare feet swung a few inches above the toppled over stool, the body affixed to a
low rafter in the barn by a piece of rope. The frail familiar form hung limp and I started
hyperventilating as more screams rang out, a teenage girl who was obviously another one
of the Swan’s slaves staring at her in horror. I glanced around quickly, panicking, unsure of
what to do and wondering why no one was fucking doing anything at all.
“Fuck!” I yelled as the tears started flowing from my eyes, devastation rocking through me.
This couldn’t fucking be happening, there was no goddamn way it was real. She had just
been alive; I’d just fucking spoken to her minutes ago! “Fuck, No!”
I lunged forward and grabbed a hold of her by her legs, pushing up on her body. I started
yelling for Alec to help me and he hesitated, but grabbed a pair of garden sheers from the
wall. He walked over and stood the stool up quickly, climbing up on it and snipping the
rope. The form fell on me and I staggered a few steps, nearly losing my footing. I laid her
down on the ground as gently as I could and checked for a pulse, even more horror hitting
me when I couldn’t find any trace of one.
Jane and Charles came running into the barn as I started CPR, practically pounding on her
goddamn chest and desperately trying to push air into her lungs. I felt fucking sick but
fought it back with all I had, trying to ward off the desolation I felt as the tears fell from my
eyes. I started yelling that it couldn’t really be happening, that someone needed to help her
because nothing I was doing was working. Someone had to fucking save my girl’s mother
because she needed her. She fucking needed her in her life and I’d promised her!
I could hear Jane shouting and Charles’s rushed voice, but my own yelling and the shrieks
coming from the young slave drowned most of it out. I pushed on her chest furiously and
continued to blow air into her lungs but none of it seemed to be fucking helping. She just
lay still on the ground regardless of what the hell I did, her body limp and lifeless.
Alec ordered the frightened slave to leave and she ran out quickly, the barn growing quieter
from her departure. He grabbed my shoulder and I shrugged him off, anger and
devastation coursing through me. It was completely wrong; we were supposed to be there
to fucking save her!
“She’s dead, Edward,” Alec said, his voice fucking calm as usual, the tone making my
temper flare.
“Fuck you, she’s not!” I spat. “We have to fucking save her! I promised, goddamn it!”
“It’s too late,” he said simply.
“It’s not too late! You’re fucking wrong! Why are you just standing there?” I snapped,
frantically pushing on her chest more. There had to be something I could do, something to
fucking help her. “This isn’t supposed to fucking happen!”
“There’s nothing we can do,” Alec responded.
“Fuck you!” I screamed, trying to wipe my tears away with my arm to clear my vision as I
continued to work on her. “Help her, motherfucker! You goddamn told me you’d help her,
you fucking liar!”
Alec reached down and grabbed a hold of me, pulling me away from Renee’s body
forcefully and shoving me backwards on the ground. “She’s gone,” he said pointedly. “Get
control of yourself, damnit!”
I sat in the dirt on the barn floor and glared at him, attempting to take deep breaths as I
tried to get my anger under control. I was still hyperventilating and shaking, my eyes
burning with tears as I tried to fight back my urge to vomit. I just couldn’t believe it--it
couldn’t be real. After everything, it couldn’t be fucking happening like this! I glanced
around at everyone frantically, hoping it was some goddamn vicious nightmare that I’d
wake up from at any moment, and spotted a smug smile forming on Jane’s lips. The sight
of it made me lose what was left of my self control.
“You’re fucking sick!” I snapped, my eyes darting furiously between Jane and Charles.
Neither of them looked affected by Renee’s lifeless body, and that angered me beyond
words. They didn’t fucking care, it was like she didn’t even fucking exist to them. She was a
person, goddamn it! She had been a living, breathing woman with fucking hopes and
dreams for her daughter! Hopes and dreams they’d tried to destroy, and a life they’d tried
to take away! A life that was now gone, a life that would never fucking come back because
of them! “This is your fucking fault, both of you! You fucking killed her!”
“She killed herself,” Jane said matter-of-factly, looking at me with that smug goddamn
smile still on her lips. My eyes narrowed as my hands started shaking even more than
before.
“Whose fucking fault is that? You did this; you caused this!” I yelled. She glared at me
angrily.
“What is wrong with you? You and your dumb ass father! She’s just a fucking slave!” she
spat. “That’s all she is!” The moment those words came from her lips my vision hazed and I
nearly fucking blacked out from my rage. All reason and logic disappeared and my
emotions took hold of me as I started seeing fucking red.
“No, she wasn’t!” I screamed. “She wasn’t a fucking slave!”
“Edward!” Alec warned forcefully, reaching to grab my shoulder again. I smacked his hand
away angrily and shoved him, not giving a fuck what he had to say. He hadn’t done a
goddamn thing to help Renee, he’d fucking left her there to die!
“She was a fucking principessa! A fucking mafia princess! You killed a goddamn princess
and you’re gonna pay for it, you fucking sick bitch!” I screamed, grabbing the garden sheers
from the ground beside me where Alec had dropped them and flinging them at Jane in my
anger. She tried to move away but she wasn’t quick enough and they hit her in the center of
the chest, causing her to gasp loudly. “You’ve been torturing a kidnapped mafia princess
and you’re going to pay for all of it! Aro’s going to fucking kill you for what you’ve done,
and if he doesn’t, I fucking will! I’ll fucking kill you, I swear I will! I’ll make sure you die for
every goddamn thing you ever did to Isabella and her mother if it’s the last thing I do!”
Jane’s eyes darted around quickly, my words sending her into frenzy. I wasn’t sure if she
fucking knew the truth already and was startled to be called out on it, or if I’d fucking
frightened her, but she had definitely become unhinged. She reached behind her in a rush
and grabbed a shovel, turning to glare at me. She was fuming and in that moment looked
deranged, obviously having fucking lost any bit of sanity she might’ve still had. My eyes
widened as my heart started thumping with so much force that I could hear the blood
surging through my body, the sound echoing in my ears. I reached for my waistband
quickly, panic hitting me when I realized I didn’t have my fucking gun. I’d stupidly left the
motherfucker in the car, not even thinking about grabbing it when I got out earlier. I’d been
so fucking optimistic about saving Isabella’s mother that I forgot everything my father had
ever taught me about being vigilant at all times, especially around sick motherfuckers like
them.
I started scurrying backwards and tried to get to my feet quickly as she started toward me,
knowing she had no plan to fucking back down. She pulled the shovel back to swing it and I
threw my hands up defensively, trying to fucking block myself. Alec reacted quickly and
reached into his suit coat, grabbing his gun. He aimed it straight at her and pulled the
trigger with no fucking hesitation, the sound ricocheting loudly off the walls in the small
enclosure. I recoiled at the noise and Jane gasped loudly as the bullet ripped through her
chest right at her heart, her footsteps faltering as she swung the shovel in reaction. I braced
myself for impact and it slammed into my shoulder blade, a sharp pain running through
me. She turned her body as she started sputtering, a look of horror on her face as she
dropped the shovel and grabbed her chest. Another shot rang out instantly, hitting her
dead center between the eyes. She staggered backwards immediately and fell, hitting the
ground hard beside where I’d been sitting. I rushed backwards quickly and tried to get to
my fucking feet but my legs gave out on me and I landed right back in the fucking dirt. I
started hyperventilating again as panic rushed through me, my grasp on myself waning.
Charles screamed Jane’s name while running for her, and Alec reacted on instinct once
more by aiming the gun at him. I ducked and covered my head when the gunshot rang out,
blood splattering in my direction as the bullet ripped through Charles’s skull. He fell
forward and hit the ground with a thud beside where his wife laid bleeding, his body limp
upon impact. I stared at them in horror and felt the bile rising up, my entire body quaking.
I turned my head to the side and started vomiting profusely as Alec walked toward us
calmly. He paused and fired off a few more shots into them before turning to look at me.
He glared at me briefly as he returned the gun into his coat before reaching over and
grabbing a hold of my arm. He yanked me up off the ground, sending more pain ripping
through my shoulder from where Jane had hit me. I staggered a few steps as I attempted to
gain my footing, my legs trying to buckle under my weight. I was dizzy and still felt sick, but
I was fucking frightened and could tell by the look on Alec’s face that he wasn’t in the mood
for any fucking around. He’d just pumped his own sister full of goddamn bullets without a
shred of emotion about it, and that confirmed what I’d always suspected…
He’d fucking kill me, too, if it came down to it.
“Fuck,” I sputtered, stunned and devastated. I swayed as I glanced around, trying to hold
everything in but the sight in front of me sent shockwaves through my body.
Alec pulled out his cell phone as I stumbled over to the stool, sitting down carefully on top
of it. I put my head down between my legs and covered my face with my hands, taking deep
breaths. My ears were goddamn ringing from the gunshots, my head pounding hard. I was
fucking overwhelmed and frightened, unsure of what the fuck was going to happen. There
was a sense of disbelief to it all, the entire thing seeming so surreal. It had all happened so
fucking fast, two or three minutes at most from that first fucking scream to the last
gunshot.
“There’s been an incident,” Alec said calmly into the phone. I glanced up at him and saw he
was glaring at me, obviously not fucking pleased with me at all. I stared at him as it started
dawning on me exactly how massively I had just fucked up. “Yes, at the Swan’s. Three
burned, sir. Both of them, the third being property.”
He paused while who I assumed was Aro spoke on the line. It was a big fucking problem
that would have to go through the Boss to resolve and that thought fucking frightened me
even more. He wasn’t going to be happy about the shit, and just the fact that I was fucking
there for it didn’t bode well for me at all. “Yes, it was the girl's mother. Neither Edward nor
Isabella were present, though, sir. They’re both resting at their hotel. I had a confrontation
with my sister over how she treated my property and it escalated.”
There was a long pause as Alec listened intently, continuing to glare at me. I ran my hands
down my face and put my head back down, silently fucking berating myself for what the
fuck I’d done. Alec was covering it up and fucking saving all of our asses, and I was falling
apart when it was my goddamn fault. I’d fucking blurted out the secret… the one goddamn
thing confided in me that I knew goddamn well I could never speak aloud.
“I take full responsibility for the incident. I’ll get a place ready and handle clean up with no
problem. My apologizes for the predicament this puts you in, and I’ll accept whatever
consequences you feel are necessary for my actions.”
He sighed and shook his head. “Yes, I understand. What of the property? They have three.
Technically Isabella would be their next guardian as Swan’s next of kin but I can take
ownership since she’s incapable of doing so.” He paused as Aro spoke. “Yes, the paperwork
has already been signed, that’s why they made the journey this weekend. It’s finalized.”
He thanked him after a moment and hung up, continuing to glare at me. My entire body
was shaking as I looked at him with apprehension, unsure of what the fuck was going to
happen. “I, uh…” I started, having no idea what the fuck to say but I couldn’t just sit there.
He shook his head and held his hand up quickly to stop me.
“There are no words that need to be spoken, Edward,” he said coolly. “You divulged the
secret and left me with no other alternative. What’s done is done.”
“But, uh…” I started, shaking my head. It was all fucking wrong and his nonchalance was
fucking scaring me. “Your fucking sister… Fuck! I know you always believed in protecting
your family…”
“That is exactly what I did,” he said, staring at me pointedly. “You are my nephew,
correct?” I nodded hesitantly. “And Jane was attempting to attack you, correct?” I nodded
once more. “Then I suppose that means I protected my family.”
“I guess,” I said quietly. He shook his head angrily.
“There is no guessing about it, Edward. My sister and her husband made their beds, and
it’s no one's fault but their own that they must now lie in them. Are you offended or upset
in any way that they’re no longer living? I’d assume you’d be glad they were punished after
everything they’d done,” he said seriously.
I stared at him but didn’t speak, afraid that I’d fucking get sick again if I tried. I’d just said
not long ago that they’d pay for everything but I never fucking imagined it would happen
like it had. I never imagined I’d be sitting on a fucking stool, trembling from fright as their
bleeding bodies laid a few feet from me near Renee’s own lifeless form. Never in a million
fucking years had I imagined the day would end with me splattered in blood, the same
blood that coursed through Isabella’s veins, while both of the people who brought her into
existence were dead.
“Charles knew I would be purchasing Renee today and he allowed her to be harmed despite
that fact . He’d been warned against doing so on many occasions - by your father as well -
and he knew with his previous pass that doing so was a death sentence. And my sister…
well, it’s been a long time coming with my sister,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s over with
now. I didn’t like fucking doing it, but regardless of whether or not you told them the truth
of Renee’s identity, they’d done enough to earn their fate.”
He paused as he turned to look at the bodies. “This matter isn’t yours to deal with… it’s
mine. You didn’t listen to me before, but maybe you’ll listen to me now. Your only job,
Edward, is to go back to that hotel room and explain to Isabella why she won’t be getting
her mother, after all, since you also opted to ignore me when I warned against telling her in
the first place. Maybe this will finally teach you a lesson. You act too irrational; react too
much by emotion and not enough by logic. Maybe you’ll finally realize that you don’t know
everything, after all.”
I stared at him and felt the dread coursing through me, the sickness boiling back up at the
thought of Isabella. I had to fucking go tell Isabella. My girl was sitting there, expecting me
to come back and tell her that her mother was safe and everything was okay, and I couldn’t.
Nothing was fucking okay, her mother was dead and it was my goddamn fault her heart
was about to be broken. I’d fucking promised her and I was having to break that goddamn
promise after swearing to myself that I’d never fucking do that. I vowed to never break a
fucking promise I’d made Isabella but I had no choice but to do so now because of my own
goddamn ignorance.
I felt the tears stinging my eyes and tried to fight them back as I stood up, running my
hands through my hair in frustration. I paused as I stared at Alec, trying to swallow down
the lump in my throat.
“Do you suppose she’ll want to bury her mother?” Alec asked, glancing at me and raising
his eyebrows questioningly. I shrugged hesitantly, having no fucking idea what Isabella
would want in this moment because I had no idea how the fuck she was going to react.
She’d always told me that she accepted death easily because of how she’d lived and the
detachment she’d grown up having, but she’d fucking finally come to terms with the fact
that she truly loved her mother and I had to rip that away from her. He nodded and
glanced around.
“I’ll bury her out in the woods and place something where the body is, in case Isabella
would like to come say her peace. She shouldn’t see her in this condition,” he said. I
nodded.
“Thanks,” I responded, my throat sore from screaming and my voice cracking. He shook
his head.
“This is precisely why I told you not to thank me earlier, Edward, and why I’ve told your
father not to thank me for helping. Things very rarely go according to how we plan them,
and all of us can attest to that because of Elizabeth,” he said. The mention of my mother,
once again, did nothing to help me maintain my strength and I fought harder to keep my
emotion in, not wanting to completely crack.
“My mother…” I started, confused and not entirely sure where the fuck I was going with it,
but I wanted to know what the hell was going on. I wanted to know why Jane had just said
the shit about Isabella not being my mother and why Alec felt he owed her. Before I could
get any more out, however, he cut me off.
“I’m done talking about her,” he said pointedly. “Instead of dwelling on the dead, go take
care of the one that’s alive, Edward, and make sure she stays that way. It’s the only way to
honor both of your mothers. It’s all that matters at this point.”
He started walking away without another word and I hesitated, my eyes scanning the room
at the devastation in front of me. I staggered out of the barn after a minute and walked
toward the car, half in a fucking daze and fighting back the urge to get sick again. I got in
and started it up, pulling away from the house and out onto the highway. Everything was
fucking foggy as I drove around Phoenix for a while, afraid of going back to the hotel and
facing Isabella. I wasn’t sure what the fuck I was supposed to say, how the hell to explain to
her what had happened when none of it even really made sense to me. The entire day
played out in my head in a loop as I tried to sort through everything and find some
goddamn piece of hope or wisdom to cling to in order to fucking make it all better.
The sun set eventually and I realized I was running out of time, knowing I couldn’t fucking
stay away forever. I headed toward the hotel, resigned to the fact that no amount of
thinking or planning would give me the right words to say to her, because there were no
fucking right words. Her mother was gone and nothing would ever fix that or make it go
away.
I headed up to the room when I arrived and paused with my hand on the knob, taking a
deep breath. I opened the door slowly and came face-to-face with Esme, who was smiling
brightly. She froze when she saw me, her smile dissipating quickly as the color drained
from her face.
“Oh God, Edward,” she whispered in a horrified voice. I glanced around the room quickly
and saw Isabella was curled up in the bed asleep. “What happened? Where’s Alec, is he
okay? Please, God, tell me my husband’s okay.”
I nodded, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “Yeah, shit, Alec’s okay. He, uh…
he’s cleaning up or whatever, I don’t fucking know,” I stammered. Her brow furrowed in
confusion.
“What happened? What’s he cleaning up?” she whispered, sounding panicked.
“His sister and Charles. They, uh… fuck, Esme. He fucking killed them,” I said, choking on
the words. She stared at me with shock.
“What? Oh, God! What about Renee? Where’s her mom?” she asked frantically. I stared at
her and shook my head, feeling the tears starting to pool as my eyes burned at the mention
of Isabella’s mom again.
“Didn’t make it,” I said. She let out a sob and covered her mouth quickly to muffle it as
movement caught my eye across the room. I glanced over quickly and saw Isabella sitting
straight up in bed, staring at us. I wasn’t sure if she’d just fucking heard me but just the
sight of her sent me into a panic. She saw my expression and a horrified look came upon
her face.
“Where’s my mom?” she blurted out, her voice full of alarm. I froze as I desperately tried to
think of how to fucking answer that question, but my hesitation was all she fucking needed.
She knew just by looking at me that I’d failed her. She knew I fucked up.
She lost it. I wasn’t sure what I was anticipating, exactly how I expected her to react to the
news, but I hadn’t exactly been prepared for the violent outburst. I held onto her tightly as
she raged, screaming and hitting me, trying to fight me off. Devastation rocked her hard
and she fucking blamed me, throwing as much hatred and anger at me as she could. Her
fists slammed into me with as much force as she could conjure up and I winced as she
pounded against my already painful shoulder but I took every fucking blow she threw at
me. I’d fucking given her hope, knowing damn well she confided in me all those months
ago that it was her biggest fucking fear. Hope was what scared her most and I gave it to her,
forced it upon her, and she fucking trusted me. I promised her it would be okay and swore I
wouldn’t fail her, but I had. I’d fucking given her what she never wanted, forced her to
accept it and trust it, and then ripped it right back from her.
I spilled my fucking soul to her as she lashed out at me, letting her know that even though
she felt like she despised me I’d never stop loving her. She could hate me if she needed to,
she could blame me and beat the shit out of me, but I’d never fucking give up on her. I
knew how she felt, I remembered waking up in that hospital room when I was eight and
hearing my father chanting that my mother was gone. I remembered the devastation and
pain, the fucking guilt and anger I had experienced. I knew she needed to lash out and
blame someone in order to deal with the hurt she felt, and I was the only fucking person
she trusted enough to be that person. I’d take on every bit of her pain because that’s what
you fucking did when you loved someone. Their happiness was your happiness, but their
pain was also your pain. As long as she fucking hurt, I’d hurt.
The outside world ceased to exist as I held on to her. I ignored the phone and hoped like
hell nobody came knocking out of concern over her screams. She was all that fucking
mattered to me, and I wanted to explain to her what had happened as she begged me but I
didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t fucking let her know she’d killed herself. I didn’t want
her memory of her mother to be tainted in any way by her thinking she’d fucking given up
or that she wasn’t strong, because she had been. Renee’s last words echoed through my
mind and I felt like a fucking idiot for not seeing it coming. She’d seemed resolved, almost
fucking content in that moment as she spoke the words ‘I can rest easy, knowing she’s safe’.
Why hadn’t I fucking told her? The guilt crept in as I wondered why the hell I didn’t tell her
we were going to help her. How could I have been so fucking stupid?
She started to give in after awhile, the force of her blows lessening as her screams turned
into sobs. I kept telling her how fucking sorry I was as she surrendered into me, grasping
onto me like she was clinging for dear life. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and laid
her down in the bed, holding her as she cried. She bawled and whimpered for hours, each
sniffle causing pain and guilt to rip through my chest as I cried along with her.
Her tears eventually dried as her body relaxed into me, but her fists never once unclenched
as they grasped my shirt. She grew silent and still, and I wondered if she’d cried herself to
sleep but I glanced at her and saw her eyes were still open. She was staring at the snowy
television screen in a fucking trance, not moving and barely blinking. I said her name softly
a few times and rubbed her back, but she made no indication that she even knew I was still
fucking there.
We lay there all night like that, neither of us getting much sleep. My phone rang all fucking
night but I ignored it, not wanting to deal with anything yet. I was exhausted by the time
the sun made an appearance the next morning. My limbs asleep and I felt like fucking
needles were being jabbed all over me from the lack of circulation. I groaned and started to
sit up, but Isabella grasped on to me even tighter to stop me. She had a panicked look on
her face and I sighed, rubbing her back gently.
“I’m not going anywhere. I just need to sit up and stretch,” I said quietly, speaking the first
words and shattering the tense silence that had built up all night. My voice was painfully
scratchy, my head fucking pounding and my shoulder sore as hell but I tried to ignore it all
because that shit wasn’t important. It didn’t fucking matter how bad I felt physically,
because nothing would compare to how torn apart she was inside.
She let go of me hesitantly and settled back into the bed, clutching onto the blanket and
curling into the fetal position. I sighed and stood up, stretching as I grabbed my phone off
of the stand. I opened it and saw a few missed calls from Esme and one from my father in
the middle of the night.
I dialed Esme’s number and sat down on the edge of the bed, stretching my back and
rubbing my throbbing shoulder as the phone rang. She answered in a frantic voice, asking
me if we were okay and stating she was worried. I told her we were managing because I
didn’t know what else to fucking say, and she told me that they’d be at the Swan’s residence
all day if I wanted to bring Isabella by. I hung up the phone and tossed it on the stand,
turning my head to look at where she lay. Her back was to me and I could see the
movement as she breathed, her body shuddering with each exhale.
“Tesoro?” I said softly, reaching over and rubbing her back. She turned over to look at me,
her expression staggering. She looked defeated, completely broken and disheartened, the
sight of her causing my chest to constrict as pain ripped through my heart. I stared in her
eyes and saw that spark still in there, breathing a sign of relief at the sight of it. She
might’ve been fucking distressed and worn down, but she was still there, her radiance and
life still shining brightly somewhere inside of her. She hadn’t fucking given up hope, she
hadn’t fucking lost her faith in me entirely. I could still see the fucking love reflecting at me
and I knew as long as that was there, we’d be okay.
As long as she still fucking believed in us, we’d be able to make it through anything.
“That was Esme. They, uh… want to know if you want to say, you know… goodbye to your
mom,” I asked hesitantly, unsure of what her reaction would be. I was fucking torn at the
words, remembering at that moment that I’d fucking promised Renee that I’d never take
Isabella back to that place.
Were there any fucking promises that I could keep?
She stared at me for a moment before nodding, pulling herself up out of bed. She didn’t
bother getting changed, simply slid on her shoes and turned to look at me. I sighed and
stood up, grabbing my keys as I headed toward her. She went to walk out of the door in
front of me but I grabbed her hand quickly, closing my eyes as the electricity from her skin
sent chills through my body.
She gazed at me as I linked our fingers together, squeezing gently. The corner of her lips
turned up briefly into a soft smile, but it faded away just as quickly as it had come.
I drove to the Swan’s slowly, in no fucking rush to get back there. Isabella had been
lounging in the seat as I drove but once I pulled onto the property she tensed up, her eyes
carefully scanning the grounds. I didn’t say anything, unsure if I should fucking tell her
that Charles and Jane were both dead. I figured it would be bittersweet knowledge and
realized that at some point she’d fucking find out, but the visit shouldn’t be about them. It
was about her mother.
I got out of the car and sighed when Isabella made no move to exit. I was about to go
around and open her door to get her out but Esme stepped out of the house and stopped
me, telling me to just give her time. It was fucking hard, but I walked away from the car
and left her sitting inside of it, reminding myself that I couldn’t fucking coddle her. She was
independent and strong and I couldn’t carry her, no matter how fucking much I might’ve
wanted to. I could be there for her, but I couldn’t do it for her.
Esme walked me out to the edge of the property, along a line of trees where a small wooden
stake stuck out of the ground. We stood there quietly for a few minutes as I gazed down at
the freshly disturbed ground, the air thick with heat and unspoken words.
“It’s not your fault, kiddo,” Esme said quietly after a few minutes, reaching over and
rubbing my back lightly. “I know how you are, you know. I remember that year after your
mom died, how you walked around in a trance much like she seems to be in right now.
You’ve always blamed yourself for things that you couldn’t help, felt guilty when you had
nothing to do with it. I don’t think we really told you enough that it wasn’t your fault- we
just assumed you’d realize it.”
I didn’t respond, having no idea what the fuck to say to that. I wanted to tell her she was
fucking wrong, because I felt like this was my fault, but she’d just disagree with me anyway
so there was no point. She sighed when she realized I wasn’t going to respond, shaking her
head.
“So stubborn. You don’t have to say anything as long as you at least hear what I’m saying.
None of it’s your fault, just as it’s not Isabella’s. We should’ve told you that more and you
need to be sure to tell her. We know Isabella didn’t cause this, but she’ll blame herself
anyway. In fact, she probably already does. She’ll go through the ‘what if’s' and try to come
up with a scenario where things would’ve been different and her mother would’ve lived, but
you know it’s impossible,” she said.
I stood there silently, remembering how I used to fucking roam the forest surrounding the
property in Forks for hours as a kid, going through scenarios in my head where my mother
had lived, and blaming stupid shit I’d done for why she hadn't. I’d find something fucking
insignificant and twist it into being the goddamn catalyst that caused the downfall. I
couldn’t count how many times I blamed myself for liking music, because if I hadn’t
goddamn played piano we wouldn’t have been out that night. I didn’t want Isabella to fall
into that trap, because I knew what fucking happened when you did. I knew what
happened when you dwelled on it and didn’t let it out. You internalized it and turned cold,
slowly fucking dying inside as the blackness overcame you. I didn’t want that to happen to
the one person who managed to pull me out of my own fucking black hole.
“It’s not fair,” I said quietly. “She didn’t get to live.”
Esme sighed and reached over, rubbing my back again. “You’re right. It’s not fair. Alec, he
may have his faults, but when I said those same exact words last night he pointed out
something that I never considered. He said that her life may not have been her own, but
her death was. She may not have been able to live as she wanted, but she died as she did.
She made her first decision and saw it through, and none of us can take that from her.
None of us should. We should respect that, as hard as it may be.”
I turned my head to look at her, surprised by her words, and my heart fucking stalled when
I spotted the form behind us. I jumped and yelled, grabbing my chest because I was caught
off guard.
“Christ, Bella. You fucking scared me,” I said. I had no idea how fucking long she’d been
standing there but she was staring straight past us at the wooden stake in the ground. She
glanced at me briefly but didn’t speak, walking around us to the marker. She crouched
down in front of it as Esme grabbed my arm.
“We’ll give you a few minutes,” she said, pulling me away. I resisted at first but she tugged
and gave me a pointed look that clearly said ‘come the fuck on’. I gave Isabella one last
glance before turning and walking away, wandering back over to the Volvo. I leaned up
against the hood of the car with my arms crossed over my chest, watching as Isabella sat
down on the ground.
She stayed there for a while, running her hands through the disturbed dirt. I couldn’t tell
from where I stood if she was saying anything, but it really didn’t fucking matter. Her
mother knew everything she had to say already, anyway, just as my fucking mother knew it
all.
“We were wrong, by the way,” Esme said as Isabella stood up and started brushing herself
off. She started slowly walking toward us and I sighed, glancing at my aunt.
“What about this time?” I asked. She smiled sadly, reaching up to pat me on the cheek.
“We said Renee… or, better yet, Bree… never got the chance to live, but she did. She does.
She lives inside of Isabella and always will,” she said. I nodded hesitantly and she
whispered a goodbye as Isabella approached, brushing right past us and climbing into the
car without a word.
In fact, Isabella barely said a fucking thing for days following the incident. I couldn’t get
her to eat much of anything, and sleep was fleeting for us both. We stayed held up in the
hotel in Phoenix for the rest of the week, blocking out the world, but by the time the
weekend rolled around I knew it was time to go. The Borgata had departed Forks, my
father was still fucking alive, the incident in Phoenix was apparently under control and it
was time to head back to our lives.
The drive was tense without much conversation, each hour feeling like a fucking eternity. I
stopped frequently during the day to get a fucking break, and by the time the weekend
came to a close we were pulling back into the Forks city limits. I went straight to the house
and parked behind my father’s Mercedes, climbing out and stretching. Isabella got out and
headed straight into the house, not even bothering to fucking wait on me but I followed
behind her. She opened the door and we came face-to-face with my father the moment we
stepped into the foyer.
“Hey, kids,” he said quietly as he looked at us with a cautious look on his face.
“Yeah, hey,” I mumbled. Isabella nodded in greeting.
“Dr. Cullen, sir. May I be excused?”
He froze and stared at her, deep concern in his eyes. “Uh, of course, dolcezza. You don’t
even have to ask. You’re free to do as you please.”
She gave me a brief glance before heading up the stairs and I frowned, watching as she
disappeared from sight.
“I’m going to bed,” I mumbled, starting up the stairs after her. I heard my father sigh.
“Edward?” he said. I paused and turned to glance at him. “Just take it one day at a time.”
I nodded and headed upstairs, going straight for the bedroom. I opened up the door and
froze, my brow furrowing in confusion when I realized the room was empty. I turned
around in the hallway and stared at the bedroom door across the hall, my chest aching
from just the fucking thought. I walked over and grabbed the knob, breathing a sigh of
relief when the motherfucker turned smoothly. I opened the door and stepped inside as
Isabella slid into the bed and curled up in a ball. I kicked my shoes off and slid in beside
her, grabbing a hold of her and pulling her to me.
“It’s not your fucking fault, Bella. None of it is, and I won’t let you push me away. Nothing
you could do would ever make me stop loving you,” I whispered, burying my face in her
hair and taking in her naturally soothing scent.
Her body shuddered as she started sobbing, but didn’t utter a single word in response.
We had to start piecing ourselves back together now that we were back home. We had a
future to plan, a blank canvas for us to draw our own fucking picture of what life was
supposed to be like. I wasn’t sure where we’d go or what we’d do after everything that had
happened, but I wouldn’t give up on her.
Ever.
It was obvious we’d both been changed-- we had come back from Phoenix different people.
We were both slightly broken and less naïve but as long as that spark was still in her eyes, I
had to believe we’d be able to weather the storm that was raining down on us. I had to
believe we could get through the destruction and come out on the other side free from the
shit that had suppressed us for so long.
We just had to figure everything the fuck out first.
Chapter 64 Wisdom
“For this is Wisdom; to love, to live To take what fate, or the Gods may give. To
ask no question, to make no prayer, To kiss the lips and caress the hair, Speed
passion's ebb as you greet its flow To have, - to hold - and - in time, - let go.” --
Laurence Hope
I sat in the comfortable leather chair in my office with a stack of paperwork in front of me,
tapping my pen against my desk anxiously. I had a mountain of work piling up, both for the
hospital and for the Borgata, but I couldn’t seem to get my mind to focus on any of it. My
attention kept wavering, my thoughts and eyes drifting toward the live feed playing on the
laptop opened beside me on the desk. I’d attempted to buckle down and force myself to
focus on ailments or shipments, patients or inductees but each time, without fail, my
attention would end up settling on one thing—Edward.
It had been nine days since Edward and Isabella returned from their journey to Phoenix,
and the days had proven to be some of the longest of my life. The atmosphere in the house
was tense, the silence that followed both of them unnerving. They were lost in their own
minds, it appeared, neither one able to unlock themselves from the troubles plaguing them.
It was clear they were both hurting and holding back, desperate to confide in each other
and allow the other to consume them once more, but both afraid. Everything was fragile
and I felt as if I were walking on eggshells or navigating a minefield, knowing that without
warning either one could crack. They were both ticking time bombs just waiting to explode
if someone didn’t diffuse them, but the problem lay in the fact that I wasn’t sure exactly
how to do that. I wasn’t sure which wire to cut, so to speak, and was afraid the wrong
approach would trigger an explosion and destroy everything. I was just waiting for it, the
nuclear bomb to wipe out the existence I built up for us, and I was desperately afraid that
my youngest child would be the uranium to make it happen.
Ah, I was too exhausted for intelligent metaphors. I could barely focus enough to scrawl my
name on some papers and I was attempting to come up with some witty way to explain the
situation we’d found ourselves in. It was a waste of time and energy, because no matter
which way you sliced it or what you called it, at the end of the day we were simply just
fucked.
Nine days. I’d sat behind this desk for nine days in a row and watched as my son paced the
hallway outside of my office, his hands furiously assaulting his hair as he berated himself. I
couldn’t hear his words but from his expression and his movements I could imagine exactly
what he was saying. I knew what it was that he’d seen in Phoenix and had gotten a full
account from my brother-in-law of exactly what had been spoken in his presence. I knew
where his thoughts were and the pieces he was attempting to put together, and knew it was
only a matter of time before it all clicked and he barged into my office with his theory.
I thought for sure it would happen the evening before, as he had gotten so close that he'd
even grabbed the doorknob. Before turning it, however, he talked himself down and left.
Part of me was relieved that he didn’t confront me, as I knew I couldn’t lie to him at this
point and wasn’t entirely prepared to confess the truth, but another part of me wished he’d
get it over with. I wished he’d stop allowing it to fester and consume his every waking
thought, because there was something more important he should be focusing on that he’d
inadvertently been neglecting...
Isabella.
I reached over and tapped a few buttons on the laptop, the screen changing to the view of
the library. I spotted her immediately, curled up in the chair by the window, gazing out of it
with a book on her lap. It was the same place she’d been every night of the past week while
my son frantically paced the hallway. She sometimes turned the light on and read, but
often she just sat there in the darkness and stared out into the night. She was withdrawing,
folding into herself further and further as time went on, and I wasn’t even sure if my son
realized exactly how far she was slipping away from him. It was disheartening, and I
wished he’d get his head out of his ass and take a look around before it was too late.
I had too many problems of my own to even consider taking on theirs, but I felt I had an
obligation to them. I needed to at least attempt to make it right, but I wasn’t sure how or if
it were even truly possible. I’d caused every bit of it but nothing could be taken back or
changed; all we could do was accept it all and deal with the consequences. I honestly wasn’t
sure if either of them were strong enough in their current state to hear the nitty-gritty truth
and face life’s realities. It seemed all I ever did anymore was cover my tracks, create
elaborate stories to get out of situations and I was growing weary of it all. I was exhausted,
both mentally and physically, and was to the point where the nuclear fallout wasn’t looking
that terrible anymore, as long as it was finally all out in the open.
It was bound to implode at some point, anyway.
I was in deep with the Borgata. I lied, cheated, plundered, and slaughtered for them, but
one thing I’d always prided myself on was that no matter what, I remained loyal. I may
have been a criminal, but at least I was an honorable one within the organization. That had
all fallen to the wayside as of late, however, and I knew they weren’t stupid. Every single
one of them was a career criminal who was trained to be able to spot someone
untrustworthy a mile away, and they weren’t blind to my recent behavior. They were
suspicious, Aro especially, which baffled me because the most untrustworthy one of all was
slowly climbing the ladder within the organization right under his nose and he couldn’t
seem to see it.
James. I’d always suspected he was up to no good and had it out for me, but after their
most recent visit I’d become quite certain that he was extremely dangerous. We had a rat
within the organization, someone selling us out to both the justice department and rival
crime families, and I was sure that he was involved in it in some capacity. They’d come at
the spur of the moment to clean out the house of all illegal activity as quick as humanly
possible, since my location was now marked as a hot place by law enforcement and they’d
likely come knocking the first opportunity that arose. And during their stay, I’d caught
James acting strange and taking peeks at my personal effects on more than one occasion.
There was nothing in the house that he could use as ammunition against me, as all of the
files I’d had on Isabella were long gone, but I still didn’t appreciate his underhanded
snooping.
I didn’t like the interest he was taking in Isabella at all, and it was clear he knew it, because
he frequently brought her name up during the visit in an attempt to goad me -- he was one
of many reasons I wanted the kids out of the house before the Borgata showed up. I wasn’t
concerned with James physically harming Isabella while under my roof, because I knew
there was no way Edward would allow him within a hundred feet of her, but it was possible
for him to hurt her in other ways. It was possible for him to harm them both, actually,
because he knew information that could easily roll off his tongue, words spoken with a
malicious nonchalance that could potentially destroy both my son and the girl he loved.
Part of the reason Alec had chosen for the kids go to Phoenix was so he could get Isabella
legalized, in the event that law enforcement came asking questions. He was the only one
with the power to do so and was able to use his influence to get Charles to cooperate with
the process without having to resort to violence. Alec had officially vouched for Isabella
shortly after returning to Chicago from their visit, and I flew in to formally agree to
relinquish my ownership of her to him. It was difficult, despite the fact that I trusted my
brother-in-law, because it meant I no longer retained any power when it came to her life.
She was technically Alec’s responsibility now and it was up to him to officially call the shots
on how she was handled. He said the fact that the Borgata was making moves meant that it
was time for us to act, so I agreed even though I was afraid it would turn into a disaster. I
had been right, of course, but I kept my mouth shut and didn’t even consider gloating. It
was liable to be a fucking train wreck regardless of when it went down, so maybe the sooner
was the better.
I wasn’t sure if Aro was technically growing suspicious of Alec, but he was definitely
curious. I’d taken the heat for the missing doctor in Port Angeles, because Aro could spot a
Borgata job in a heartbeat and suspected it was our doing since he was aware of my contact
with him. I told him the doctor had started asking questions that made me uncomfortable
because he knew too much as it was, and said I had made a tactical decision to remove him
from the equation. It was a partial truth and Aro seemed to buy it for the most part… at
least, until he received the call about the incident in Phoenix.
Charles wasn’t a made man, just merely an associate and was easily replaced, but Aro
didn’t like being inconvenienced by having to find someone new to forge our documents for
us. No one within the Borgata truly liked Swan so no one grieved over him or his wife, but
the simple fact that Alec had killed both of them drew unwanted attention. Every single one
of us had sworn that we’d kill our own family if we had to when we were initiated, but the
fact that Alec had done it so easily and without remorse raised the reverence for him within
the organization. Alec preferred to lay low, slip in and out of situations undetected. He
preferred no acknowledgment for his actions, but he was being thrust into the spotlight for
what he’d done. It was making Aro take a closer look at him, and that wasn’t making Alec
happy at all.
I felt guilty for my role in all of it, but nothing I could say or do would change anything. I
was disappointed that Isabella’s mother had died, but I couldn’t exactly say I was surprised.
You always tried to protect those who were innocent, but there were always casualties in
our lifestyle and some of them were unfortunate. The loss of a principessa is always
devastating, even one whose identity was kept secret. In an alternate universe she would’ve
been treated as the royalty she was considered, but the world we lived in hadn’t been so
kind to her.
She was burdened and mistreated, harmed in despicable ways that no person should ever
be harmed. I remembered Elizabeth telling me that while not everyone lives, everyone does
die, and with death comes release. Death meant freedom, not just for her but all of us--
freedom from the things that weighed us down and held us back. I used to scoff when
Elizabeth said such things but I understood what she’d meant now. I understood what it
was like to wish you could find peace but knowing you couldn’t, because your work wasn’t
done. You hadn’t served your purpose and until you did, you were damned to keep going.
Renee realized that her purpose in life had been fulfilled when she saw Isabella. She
created her, molded her, and set her loose out into the world to forge her own path. There
was no more she could do, and the time had come for her to finally find her own peace.
I envied her that. What I wouldn’t give to have the weight of the world lifted from my
shoulders.
I sighed and sat my pen down, pinching the bridge of my nose as I stared at the screen. I’d
wanted to go up to the library and talk to Isabella each night I had watched her sitting there
wallowing in grief, but I’d yet to come up the words to say to her. She wasn’t very
comfortable with me in the first place, so I figured I was the last person she’d want
consoling her about the loss of her mother... but somebody needed to.
I switched cameras once more, going back to the view of the second floor hallway. Edward
was still pacing in front of my office with that torn expression on his face, his eyes darting
between my door and the stairs to the third floor. I was surprised he was showing such
persistence and patience, considering the fact that before Isabella came into his life he
would’ve burst into my office without a second thought as to the potential consequences. It
seemed the ill-fated trip to Phoenix had calmed down his irrational behavior and volatility,
considering it showed him first hand what happened in our particular lifestyle when you
reacted without thinking things through.
I watched him for a few minutes longer before glancing at the clock on the wall by the door,
surprised when I realized it was already after eleven in the evening. Edward had usually
made his decision before now and stomped up the stairs in frustration. Isabella would hear
him coming and scurry out of the library, quickly darting back to the bedroom before he
made it up there. She smiled and pretended everything was fine while in Edward’s
presence, and I knew that if he weren’t so distracted himself, he’d realize that was the case.
Neither of them were aware the cameras were on and their movements were being
recorded. I hadn’t bothered to turn them off after the Borgata visited and I was thankful for
that, because without them I wouldn’t have known what was happening.
Edward’s pacing slowed as he gripped onto his hair tightly and glared at my office door. I
knew it was only a matter of minutes before he’d turn and stomp up the stairs, giving up for
another day and allowing himself to stew on it longer. It was ridiculous and I knew we
couldn’t continue with our delicate dance because the song needed to come to an end
before we all collapsed from exhaustion.
Like I said… I was entirely too exhausted to come up with metaphors that made sense.
I was too exhausted for any of it anymore, frankly, so when he finally came to a stop and
headed for my door with that look of determination on his face, I felt nothing but resolve.
He turned the knob and pushed the door open, walking inside and shutting it forcefully
behind him. He recoiled from the noise of the slam even though it didn’t even really
register with me, and I refrained from chastising him for not knocking. There was no point
to it; I was just relieved that he’d finally made it inside this time.
“Sit down,” I said calmly after a moment, tapping a few buttons on the laptop to switch the
view back to the library. Isabella was still curled up in the chair and gazing out of the
window, appearing not to have moved an inch since the last time I checked on her.
He took a few steps over and flopped down in the chair with a huff, and I could feel him
staring at me pointedly. I looked in his direction and met his eyes, seeing the curiosity and
confusion in them. His expression was one of anger, but I couldn’t completely blame him
for that... I would be angry with me, also.
“You look like you haven’t fucking slept in years,” he said, his eyes scanning my face. “You
can’t prescribe yourself some fucking Ambien or something? Christ, and have you fucking
eaten?”
I stared at him and leaned back in my chair. “You want to discuss my health, Edward?” I
asked incredulously. He shrugged.
“Yeah, well, you look kind of fucked up,” he said seriously. I shook my head.
“Well, thank you for the compliment,” I said sarcastically. “But something tells me you
haven’t spent the past week loitering outside of my office gathering up the courage to hold
an intervention.”
His expression shifted to surprise quickly. “How…” he started, before his eyes narrowed
slightly as he shook his head. “You’ve got the fucking cameras on, don’t you? Why the hell
didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not really that important, Edward,” I said. “I was beginning to wonder if you ever
planned on actually coming in here, though.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know what to say,” he responded. “No sense in barging in your fucking
office just to look at you, especially considering… you know… you’re looking like shit and
all.”
I cracked a smile and shook my head. “It’s nice to know you haven’t lost your sense of
humor, at least,” I said. “So, considering you’re sitting here now, does that mean you’ve
figured out what you want to say?”
He stared at me for a moment before running his hand through his hair, shaking his head
as he gripped onto a handful tightly. The way he’d been grasping onto it lately, I was
surprised he hadn’t started ripping it out. “Not really,” he said finally. “I just got tired of the
fucking hallway.”
I nodded. “So I’m better to look at than the white walls, at least?” I asked jokingly.
“Fuck no,” he said, smirking. “But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one around this
motherfucker that remembers how to joke.”
“Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” I muttered, shrugging. I regretted my choice of words the
moment they escaped my lips, tensing up as his smile fell and a serious expression came
over his face. He stared at me with curiosity and I could see the questions in his eyes. I
knew exactly what he wanted to know… I had been dreading this day his entire life.
“Just come out with it, Edward,” I said quietly with a sigh. “I don’t have the energy to beat
around the bush. Just ask what you want to know.”
He stared at me for a moment and I could see the apprehension. He wanted to ask, he
wanted to know, but he was afraid of getting confirmation of what he’d obviously pieced
together.
“When we were in Phoenix, Jane said some shit. I mean, I know she was fucking crazy and
all, she called me a goddamn ghost, ya know? But she kept railing on Alec and said that just
because I was doing the same thing as you didn’t mean we were the same… that Isabella
wasn’t Mom,” he paused, running his hand through his hair again in frustration as I sat
quietly and let him work through his thoughts. “And it’s not just that, there’s other shit too.
I guess I was just wondering… you know…”
“You want to know how I met your mother,” I said quietly.
“The truth,” he said seriously. I nodded.
“The truth.”
July 12th, 1980
I headed toward the back exit of the mansion quickly, hoping to slip out undetected. The
moment I pushed the door open the hot, dry air hitting me with such intensity that it
nearly took my breath away, and I cursed. I fucking hated the heat, hated everything about
it. I hated how it made your breathing shallow and your skin flush and dampen with sweat.
I hated how there was hardly ever any breeze, and when there was it did nothing to cool
you down. It just blew the scorching air around, kicking up dust and making it even more
unbearable. And the dust… Damn, I hated the dust. It was always lingering in the air,
stinging your eyes and making every breath uncomfortable. I could barely tolerate the
heat… but I’d take it in a heartbeat over what awaited me inside the air-conditioned
mansion. What was going on inside of that place was something I hated even more.
I squinted as I stepped out into the back yard, the brightness practically blinding me. My
vision was hazed over from the blistering heat and I brought my hand up, trying to block
out the sun. I was cursing at myself for not bringing my sunglasses along with me. I’d had
them in hand as we were leaving the hotel room but my mother insisted they were
improper and sent the wrong message. I grumbled a bit but left them behind, not wanting
to start an argument. The day wasn’t about me and my father was being fairly laid-back, so
the last thing I wanted to do was cause a fight and get him riled up.
He was always on my ass about something, telling me how much of a disappointment I was
in everything I did. ‘You’re not living up to the name, Carlisle’. ‘Start acting like a Cullen’.
‘Be a man for once’. ‘Make me proud’. ‘Do you know how to do anything right?’ ‘Stop being
such a failure’. Any day that his attention wasn’t focused on me was a good day in my book
and I had no intention of drawing it to myself that day. But standing out in the back yard of
the massive house, the sun blinding me, I really wished I’d have brought my sunglasses,
parents be damned. How were sunglasses improper, anyway? It was damn Arizona in the
middle of the fucking summer.
I sighed with annoyance and glanced around, looking for some shade to go hang out in. I
doubted anyone would notice me gone from the party, as the place was packed full of
people my father deemed important. Because of that, he’d probably thank me for staying
out of sight since evidently I couldn’t seem to do anything he deemed as ‘decent behavior
for a Cullen man’. What the fuck did that mean anyway? My father wouldn’t know ‘decent’
if it bit him in the ass.
I hadn't wanted to come along in the first place and would rather be back in Chicago
enjoying summer break from school, but I didn’t want to let my sister down. It was a waste
of time trying to impress my father, because I was clearly nothing but a fuck-up to him, but
I didn’t want to disappoint my sister. We always looked out for each other growing up and
she was the one person who understood what I dealt with in life-- the one person I didn’t
have to pretend with. It was hard to maintain friends when you had to always keep them an
arms length away so they didn’t see or hear anything they shouldn’t, and you had to
constantly second guess their reasons for even talking to you. People knew exactly who my
father was; there was no point in me even pretending otherwise.
It was common knowledge among law enforcement agencies across the country that
Antonio Cullen was the current Don of the Chicago mafia, and I ventured to guess they
probably had one of his various mug shots tacked up on a bulletin board somewhere in
some federal agent's office because of it. But regardless of whether or not people knew it, I
was never allowed to confirm it. I couldn’t admit to people what my family did, always
having to lie and evade or face the consequences at home, so it was pointless to even
pretend with people who didn’t have mafia ties themselves. Because of that, my sister had
become my best friend, the one person I could always confide in.
And that was why I was there, standing in the hot Arizona sun, enduring the heat and
bullshit that I hated so much. It was my sister’s day to shine and after being there for me
every day of my life, always being willing to listen to my complaining, I felt I owed her at
least this much. I owed her some tolerance, and owed her some damn obedience. She
deserved a nice day where everyone got along, a day where my father wasn’t going on a
tirade about how disappointed he was in me as a son. So I grinned and bore their bullshit
all afternoon for my sister…
I still wished I had my fucking sunglasses, though.
I sighed and started walking around the outside of the house, knowing the area to the right
had to be encased in shade. I was grumbling under my breath and staring at the ground,
still squinting because of the brightness. I turned the corner and collided with something,
my steps faltering immediately. I glanced up quickly and my hands shot out, grabbing a
hold of the person in front of me as she stumbled.
“Whoa there,” I said, trying to keep my balance.
“I am so sorry, I didn’t know…” the soft, sweet voice started, catching me off guard. I
blinked rapidly and squinted as I tried to adjust my eyes, stunned by the sight in front of
me. Her pale skin was glowing so bright that she appeared to almost be sparkling, her long
white dress cascading down her body and stopping at her ankles. She looked strangely
angelic, and maybe that was cliché but that was the only word my mind could conjure up in
the moment to describe her. She had copper collared hair that was shining under the sun’s
rays and a pair of startling deep green eyes. They were piercing and I stared into them in a
trance the moment I caught them, unable to look away. I could see her mouth moving and
could hear that melodic voice ringing out, but the words were lost on me as I gazed into
those eyes.
Her voice trailed off as her brow furrowed and she gazed at me with a confused expression.
“Sir?” she said hesitantly. I blinked a few times as the word registered with me, stunned
that she’d address me so formally. I couldn’t have been much older than her, if at all.
“Uh, no,” I said, taking a few steps forward into the shade and pulling her along with me to
get out of the blinding sun. She didn’t resist and watched me with apprehension, glancing
down at where my hands were gripping her hips.
“Is there a… problem?” she asked hesitantly. I shook my head and let go of her.
“The only problem is I don’t know your name,” I said, turning on the charm and smirking.
“My name’s Carlisle… Carlisle Cullen.”
A look of surprise came over her face as she smiled softly. I noticed she had a slight flush
on her cheeks and wondered if it were from the sun or if I’d caused it. My smirk grew when
her flush deepened as she gazed at me. Yeah, that was all fucking me.
“Elizabeth,” she said softly.
“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” I said. Her eyes widened in surprise at my statement.
“Beautiful?” she asked incredulously. I chuckled and nodded.
“Yes, beautiful. What, you don’t think your name is nice? Fuck, we can call you something
else then. Elisabetta? Lizzie?” I suggested. “I kind of like Lizzie.”
“Uh, I guess…” she started, gaping at me. “I like Lizzie but I was just surprised you’d call
me… beautiful.”
My brow furrowed and I quickly scanned her form again with my eyes, wondering if maybe
I’d missed something since she seemed so shocked. She wasn’t missing any body parts and
the ones she had were formed perfectly… very fucking perfect, indeed. She didn’t have that
artificial model look like you’d find on magazine covers or even in half of the girls back
home--her beauty was natural. She wasn’t shining as brightly now that she was out of the
sun, but she still had a subtle glow about her. Her hair flowed down past her shoulders,
naturally wavy, and she had freckles dotting along her nose. She was obviously not Italian,
not even close to it. No Italian I’d ever met had bright red hair and green eyes.
Those eyes… fuck, those eyes were stunning. I couldn’t seem to stop staring into them. It
was like I was hypnotized and couldn’t pull myself away, desperate to get lost in them. If I
were forced to guess I’d say she was Irish, which was confusing because the families
typically didn’t associate with them. The Italians and the Irish had been clashing since
before prohibition and you’d be hard pressed to find some that got along back in the
neighborhood. There were lines that you simply didn’t cross and the older generation made
a point to stress that Italian and Irish mixing was one of those lines.
But she was beautiful, and there was no denying that fact. Based on that electric feeling
creeping across my skin at her close proximity and the slight ache I felt in my chest as I
stared at her, I knew I wouldn’t be able to forget running into her. Those eyes would haunt
me, there was no doubt about it, and my father was going to murder me for it but I couldn’t
help it. I wanted her.
It wasn’t as if I weren’t already a big disappointment to him, anyway. Plus, there were
worse people to fall in love with than an Irish girl.
My own thoughts startled me. Love? Really, Carlisle? You just fucking met the girl and
you’re declaring it’s love? What the hell had gotten into me?
“You shouldn’t be surprised, you are beautiful,” I said, shaking my head at the absurdity.
She gazed at me as I spoke, the smile on her lips growing.
“You’re nice,” she said softly. I laughed at her statement.
“Nice? I’ve been called many things, but nice isn’t usually one of them,” I said playfully.
“An asshole or a fuck-up maybe, but it isn’t often someone has something positive to say
about me.”
“But you are nice. I may have only just met you, but I know that much. Others must not see
you clearly if they can’t tell,” she said.
“Beautiful and charming,” I said, smirking. “God really blessed you, didn’t He?”
“If God truly blessed me, do you really think I’d be at this house?” she muttered. Her eyes
widened in shock after she spoke the words and she brought her hand up quickly to cover
her mouth, appearing to be stunned at her own statement. I started laughing.
“And a sense of humor? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were the perfect catch. You
keep it up, bellissima, and I may not ever want to let you go,” I said, turning on the charm
again. Her flush grew once more.
“So you’re not upset that I ran into you?” she asked.
“You didn’t run into me, I ran into you. But no, of course I’m not upset. I’m actually glad,
because I’m usually not that lucky,” I said. She stared at me for a moment before shaking
her head.
“I don’t believe in luck,” she said.
“You don’t? Then how do you explain us meeting at, uh, this house?” I asked jokingly. “It
appears some good actually came out of this day. If that’s not luck, what is it?”
She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Fate?”
~*~
“We met at your aunt Esme’s engagement party in Phoenix when I was fifteen,” I said
quietly.
“I know that much,” he said, cutting me off. “You ran into her and nearly knocked her
down. Mom used to say that shit all the time. Colpo di fulmine. It was love at first sight.”
“Yes,” I said.
“And she was there with Alec’s family and not ours, because our family didn’t fucking know
her, right?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. I nodded.
“Yes,” I said once more.
“So, tell me… what the fuck was an Irish girl doing at an engagement party for two
Italians?”
I stared at him as I processed his question, considering how to answer it. I shook my head
and sighed. “I wondered the same thing myself.”
July 12th, 1980
I sat with my back against the side of the house and my legs spread out in front of me,
fanning myself as the sweat was practically pouring from my skin. I had a few buttons on
my shirt undone and my sleeves rolled up to my elbows, attempting to let my body breathe
in the stifling heat. Elizabeth sat beside me, her knees pulled up to her chest with one of her
arms wrapped around her legs, her free hand plucking at the dry grass around us. She
didn’t appear uncomfortable at all, like it wasn’t even fucking hot to her. She seemed
relaxed but every so often she’d hear a noise and stiffen up, her eyes darting around
anxiously.
“Are you not fucking hot?” I blurted out after a few minutes of silence. We’d been sitting
there for at least an hour and neither of us had spoken much. We both seemed mesmerized
by the other’s presence and at a loss for words. There was something in the air between us
that I couldn’t describe, but I could feel it. It was almost magnetic, a pull that was drawing
me further and further into her without a single word being spoken. I couldn’t tell if she
could feel it, but every time I looked over at her I met those deep green eyes and could see
the curiosity and intrigue in them.
“Not really,” she said softly. “I like the warmth.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “This is beyond warmth, bellissima. This is like an oven.”
She smiled, gazing at me. “You can go inside,” she suggested. “I’m sure the cool air from
the fans will make you feel better.”
“I’m sure it would. You going to go inside with me?” I asked, raising my eyebrows
questioningly. Her eyes widened in surprise and she shook her head quickly.
“Oh no,” she said, sounding slightly panicked. “That wouldn’t… be good.” I chuckled and
nodded.
“Alright then. I’m not going in there either,” I said. “They haven’t noticed I'm gone and
until they do, I’m staying right where I am.”
“Will they notice you're gone?” she asked curiously. I shook my head.
“Probably not. My parents are in there getting their asses kissed and my sister’s busy with
people congratulating her so I doubt they even fucking remember I’m alive right now,” I
muttered, reaching down and grabbing a clump of grass with annoyance. She reached for
the same patch when I did and our hands connected, a spark zapping me when my skin
contacted hers. I pulled my hand back quickly and she sat frozen, eyeing me with caution.
“Did I shock you?” I asked. She nodded hesitantly.
“I felt a zap,” she said softly, still eyeing me. I could see the curiosity in her eyes, the
questions that she obviously wanted to ask just lingering there because she was holding
back for some reason. She was looking at me like I was a figment of her imagination, as if
any moment I’d disappear.
I reached my hand out cautiously and touched hers, feeling the tingling of the electricity
between us once more. Her expression shifted to one of awe and she glanced down at my
hand on hers with fascination. I ran my fingers lightly across her knuckles, caressing the
soft skin and feeling the sparks in my fingertips. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before
and was fucking strange, but I couldn’t seem to get enough of it.
“That’s pretty fucking crazy,” I muttered as I started running my fingertips past her wrist
and up her forearm. My touch left goose bumps along her skin and she let out a shaky
breath as she watched me.
“It makes me think of the lightening storms we get here,” she said softly. My movement
faltered when she said those words, an odd feeling coursing through me and it felt like I
just… knew.
“Colpo di fulmine,” I said quietly, shaking my head. “Holy shit.”
“Italian?” she asked curiously. I nodded.
“Yeah. Do you speak any?” I asked. She shook her head hesitantly.
“I hear it, of course, but I don’t really know what any of it means,” she said. “It sounds
pretty, though.”
I chuckled. “So I’ve heard,” I said. The American girls back in Chicago were fascinated by
the language and didn’t care what I said as long as I spoke it for them.
“What did that mean?” she asked quietly. “The colpo di fulmine?” I smirked as she
attempted to copy my accenting, but her pronunciation was horrific to the point of being
endearing.
“Literally, it means thunderbolt, but it’s a phrase some people use to describe…” I trailed
off, unsure of how to describe it without freaking her out by using such a strong word as
‘love’. I’d only just fucking met the girl, after all.
“…this?” she asked, completing my thought. She brought her hand up hesitantly, reaching
toward me, but paused a few inches from my face. I saw the apprehension in her eyes and
could see her second-guessing herself, which was fucking confusing. I’d been sitting there
caressing her hand so there was no reason for her to not touch me. I smiled reassuringly
and saw the apprehension fade as a smile crossed her lips. She brushed her fingertips on
my cheek and my breath shuddered as the tingling shot across my skin.
I ran the back of my hand across her cheek and her eyes fluttered closed briefly at the
sensation. I paused before grazing my pointer finger across her mouth, her lips parting and
a shaky breath escaping as she reopened her eyes. She stared at me intently, those beautiful
green eyes practically fucking hypnotizing me. They were swimming with emotion, the
curiosity and wonder and adoration intense. I cupped her cheek and leaned forward
without a second thought and I saw the surprise flash across her face right before I pressed
my mouth to hers.
I’d never really wanted to kiss a girl before, never saw the appeal, but in that moment I’d
wanted nothing more than to fucking kiss her.
The electricity that rocked my body was all-consuming, chills flowing down my spine and
heat coursing through me. It all seemed to settle right in my chest as an ache hit my heart.
She froze briefly but relaxed as she started kissing me back, her lips soft and warm. I kissed
her gently, just enjoying the sensation and the taste of her lips, and pulled back from her
mouth to take a breath after a moment. She opened her eyes and stared at me with shock
and I smirked as I saw that spark from our skin reflecting in those eyes.
I knew right away I’d never get enough of those fucking eyes. Colpo di Fulmine, indeed.
“Who are you?” I asked, wondering where the fuck she’d come from. I never imagined
experiencing that shit before, and always figured it was mythical. The concept of love at
first sight was just crazy to me; the idea that you could have that instant connection with
someone and know that it’s meant to be just ridiculous. Those kinds of things just didn’t
happen. But yet… it just had.
“I, uh…” she started, her cheeks flushing as she gazed at me. The apprehension returned to
her eyes as I stared at her curiously, wondering who she was. It was baffling that a girl like
her would be at an engagement party for two Italian kids, especially the engagement of a
principessa and principe della mafia.
I waited for her to finish but before she could answer my question Elizabeth’s eyes darted
over my shoulder and widened in horror, the sight startling me and sending my heart
racing. I turned around quickly and froze when I saw Jane standing at the corner of the
house, glaring at us with a look of loathing on her face.
“What the hell are you doing?” she screeched, her voice oozing disgust.
“Go away you fucking loon…” I spat, knowing no good ever came from that girl's presence.
She was sadistic and twisted, kicking people around for fun.
“Not you,” she snapped, glaring at me angrily. “Her!”
My brow furrowed at her words as Elizabeth started stammering. “I, uh… I mean…” she
started. Jane’s attention focused on her as her anger flared.
“Get up! Now!” she screeched. Elizabeth pulled away from me quickly and jumped to her
feet and I gaped at her in confusion, wondering why the hell she was letting the crazy little
bitch order her around.
“Yes, mistress,” Elizabeth mumbled, her eyes darting to the ground as her breathing
accelerated from fear. My eyes widened in shock as those words registered with me.
Mistress?!
“You’re going to pay for your disobedience later! Now go back to fucking work, slave!” Jane
spat.
Horror rocked through me as Elizabeth turned and bolted away quickly. I sat, frozen,
gaping at the spot where she’d disappeared from sight.
There were definitely worse things to fall for than an Irish… and it seemed I’d just fucking
fallen for one.
Slave?!
~*~
“Well?” Edward said impatiently when I didn’t answer. “You said you weren’t going to beat
around the bush, so just tell me. What was she doing there?”
I looked at him for a moment before having to avert my gaze, unable to take seeing those
eyes - Elizabeth's eyes - staring back at me. It was always so fucking hard looking at
Edward because of how much he looked like his mother.
“She, uh… she was… the help,” I said quietly, staring down at the stack of papers on my
desk, my heart starting to thump rapidly as I prepared myself for whatever potential bad
reaction he was about to have. I’d been stunned when I discovered she was a slave because
she didn’t look like one at all. Mrs. Evanson was so peculiar that she required their help to
be dressed nice and well groomed, not wanting any of their belongings out of sort. Most of
the Mafiosi took decent care of their slaves, but the Evanson’s always took it to the next
level.
“The help?” he echoed, the tension in his voice thick. “What, like the fucking maid, Dad?
Was she a goddamn waitress? Because the two of you were, what? Fifteen? That’s not
exactly old enough to be legally employed in that shit, is it? Not like you motherfuckers
follow laws or anything…”
I sighed exasperatedly and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. “No, she wasn’t
legally employed, Edward. She wasn’t paid…”
“So it’s fucking true,” he snapped, sitting forward quickly as he raised his voice. I could
hear the anger and hurt in it but couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing I’d see it reflecting
in those fucking green eyes that he’d gotten from Elizabeth. “Seriously, it’s fucking true?!”
“Yes,” I said quietly. His temper flared and he shoved the front of my desk as he stood up,
thrusting it into me with the force of his hands. I grabbed a hold of the laptop before it was
jolted to the floor and glanced over at him as he started pacing the floor. His left hand was
clenched into a fist as he gripped onto his hair with his right hand, his expression and
movements full of rage.
“How could I have been so fucking stupid and not seen it sooner?” he said, shaking his
head. “All the fucking signs were there. Never in a million years would I have imagined
she’d have fucking been… you’d have fucking… Christ!”
I sighed and shifted my desk forward and off of me, shaking my head. “You can say the
word, Edward,” I said. “Saying the word doesn’t make it…”
“…any more or less real, fuck, I know!” he snapped. “You’ve said that shit before. But tell
me, Dad, can you fucking say it?”
“Of course I can,” I responded quickly. “It’s just a word.”
“Then say it. Fucking say it out loud. Drop the ‘she was the fucking help’ bullshit and say
it,” he said, glaring at me angrily. “Tell me what my mother really was.”
“Slave,” I said pointedly, losing my composure. “She was a slave, Edward. I didn’t know she
was one when I first met her because Mrs. Evanson had such a stick up her ass that she
made sure even her slaves looked meticulous…”
His eyes snapped in my direction as his anger flared even more. “I can’t fucking believe
that. My mother lived with that sadistic little bitch? Fuck, she lived with Alec, she was my
uncle's fucking slave?! It’s no goddamn wonder she was so fucking afraid of him. Is that
why he feels like he owes her? Because of what she fucking went through in his house?”
“I, uh… I guess you could say that. That’s not really my story to tell and…” I started but he
groaned loudly with irritation and cut me off.
“Of course it's not your fucking story to tell. The goddamn cop-out answer of the century.
Nobody wants to fucking tell me anything so they pawn it off to everyone else and I just
stay in the fucking dark. I can’t believe you. Christ, I fucking can’t believe you’d keep this
from me. How could you? After everything, how could you not fucking tell me?” he yelled,
slamming his hands down on my desk. I was trying to remain calm but his demeanor was
driving me to snap. I reached over and shoved his hands off my desk, standing up and
glaring at him.
“It’s in your best interest to calm the hell down,” I said sharply. “If you want a fucking
explanation, Son, sit your ass down. If not, leave from my sight. The choice is yours. I’m
not going to sit here and let you berate me like some child. It’s about time you grow the hell
up.”
He stood, frozen in his spot, scowling at me and clenching his hands into fists. I could tell
he wanted to say something, that he wanted to lash out at me some more, but he knew I
wasn’t playing games with him. He knew if he wanted answers he was going to have to do
things my way because I wouldn’t be pushed around.
He huffed with annoyance and plopped down in the chair, continuing to stare at me
angrily. I sat back down carefully and straightened some papers up on my desk that he’d
disturbed in his outburst, giving the laptop screen a quick glance.
“When do you suppose I should’ve told you, Edward? When you were two and didn’t know
what a fucking slave was? When you were eight and looked at your mother like she was
infallible? After she was gone, when you were already hurting?” I asked pointedly. “I didn’t
keep it from you to be an asshole, or to keep you in the dark. The time was just never
right…”
“Don’t you think I had a right to fucking know?” he interrupted. “Not just me, but Jasper
and Emmett too? Didn’t we have a right to know who our mother really was?”
His question sent my temper flaring and I slammed my hands against my desk, disrupting
the papers I’d just fucking fixed. “That’s not who your mother was!” I snapped. “Haven’t we
fucking been through this before with Isabella? How many times have I overheard you
telling her that just because she’d lived a certain life didn’t mean that was who she was?
How many times, Edward? And you sit here and have the audacity to turn it around and
use that against me, against your mother?”
He looked at me in shock. “I didn’t mean…” he started, but I threw my hand up to stop him.
“It doesn’t matter what you meant. This is precisely why I never wanted you to have to find
out. I never wanted your view of your mother to be tainted or tarnished by this. Your
mother was an amazing fucking woman. She was strong and beautiful, and just because
she’d been controlled and forced into slavery didn’t make her any less great,” I said angrily.
“I know,” he said quietly. “Fuck, I said I didn’t mean it like that.”
I stared at him and shook my head. “Your mother was never ashamed of her past, but she
never wanted to have to tell you boys because she didn’t want you to associate that with
her. She wanted people to look at her and see a wife and a mother, a strong woman… not a
fucking former slave,” I said. “She didn’t want her life to be about that, just as I’m sure
Isabella won’t.”
He stared at me for a moment, the anger in his expression waning. “She won’t,” he said. I
nodded.
“Exactly. And if the two of you someday start a family together, you’ll find yourself in the
same shoes I was in. I chose to let Elizabeth have her future and leave the past behind her,
and maybe it was unfair to not tell you but it was her life,” I said. “I’m assuming you’d
make the same choice for Isabella and not allow her history to cloud her freedom.”
He nodded hesitantly. “Yes,” he said.
“You know, I don’t care what anyone might have told you, Edward. It’s impossible to see all
of life as strictly black and white. Sometimes you have to follow your heart and not your
head, but some people don’t understand that and never will. I loved your mother, and I
wouldn’t let the logistics of it stop me from loving her no matter what people might’ve told
me. It wasn’t easy, we went through Hell fighting to be together and took a lot of risks that
I’ve thankfully been able to stop you from making so far. I’ve tried to make it as easy as
possible on you, so that maybe you’d learn from my mistakes and not follow the path I
went down and face the obstacles we had to face.”
“That’s why you said that shit that day when we went to the shooting range, when you told
me what I needed to do to get her accustomed to the outside world if I wanted a chance
with her. You knew that shit and asked me to trust you because you’d already been through
it yourself,” he said.
“Yes. Only I had no one to explain it to me or guide me, I had to learn through trial and
error. I was naïve and assumed Elizabeth would be perfectly fine but learned the hard way
that it wasn’t that fucking easy. I lost my patience with her so many times because I didn’t
understand and made some major fuck-ups. I was so desperate that I even went so far as to
take her to a psychiatrist, hoping for a quick fix, and nearly brought us all down in the
process,” I said, shaking my head at the memory of that catastrophe.
“You did? I mean, she always seemed so fucking… normal. I mean, how… Christ, I can’t
believe she was a fucking slave,” he said, choking up on the last word. He covered his face
with his hands and grumbled under his breath, obviously attempting to rein in his emotion.
I watched him for a moment, frowning.
“Once I was patient with her and we started working through things, she came around
quickly. I’m surprised after spending so much time with Isabella that the possibility that
your mother could’ve been in her same situation at one point didn’t dawn on you. She has
to remind you of her,” I said. He glanced up at me curiously.
“She does. I didn’t exactly associate those qualities with slavery, though. I just saw the
similarities as them both being fucking warm, innocent people,” he said. I smiled softly and
nodded.
“That was exactly our intention,” I said. “Can you see how knowing your mother was a
former slave would’ve tainted your view of the things she did, from her love of books to
even her cooking? We didn’t want that.”
He stared at me for a moment as he processed what I was saying. He didn’t appear angry
anymore, but there was sadness in his expression that made me feel bad. I could see the
unshed tears brimming his eyes as he fought them back, not wanting to show so much
emotion about it. He was trying to be strong, and that was always how my son was. As
much as Isabella was like Elizabeth, my son was even more like me.
“She reminds you of mom, too,” he said quietly.
I nodded hesitantly. “Very much so.”
July 12th, 1980
“Here,” Elizabeth’s voice rang out, startling me because I hadn’t heard her approaching. I
turned around to look at her, my brow furrowing when she held a glass out to me. I took it
carefully. “I figured you’d be thirsty since you said you were so hot.”
“Uh, yeah. Thank you. What is it?” I asked curiously, glancing down at the glass. She smiled
softly, her eyes darting around as she looked to make sure no one was listening to our
exchange.
“It’s a homemade cherry coke. They’re my specialty.”
~*~
August 9th, 1981
I flung the front door to the Evanson’s Chicago house open with so much force that it
slammed into the wall, not bothering to knock or even close the door behind me. I sprinted
up the stairs in a panic, my heart pounding so forcefully in my chest it felt like the fucking
thing was going to rupture. I was in a panic and I knew I’d fucking get reprimanded for my
behavior, but none of that mattered to me at that moment. It didn’t matter what any of
them thought or what they’d possibly do to me later… all that mattered was her.
I ran for the door on the end of the hall on the second floor, nearly colliding with Alec as he
stepped out of another room. He grabbed a hold of me to make me stop but I shoved him
away roughly, anger surging through me.
“How could you?” I snapped, glaring at him. “How could you just leave her here alone?
Unprotected?”
“I am truly sorry, Carlisle,” he said calmly.
“Sorry? You’re apologizing to me? Did you fucking apologize to her?” I screeched. He shook
his head and I laughed bitterly, grabbing onto my hair with frustration. “Of course not.
How could you, Alec? I’ve never fucking asked you for anything! You know how I feel about
her! How could you let this happen?”
“I didn’t think,” he said. “I never thought they’d touch her in my home.”
“What, you thought these bastards were trustworthy?” I snapped. “You, of all people,
decided to be fucking trusting today? You should’ve kept an eye on her! You know how
some of them are when it comes to the Irish! They saw her as a toy, you dangled a piece of
meat in front of their faces and then turned your damn back expecting them not to attack?!
You should’ve fucking known better!”
“I know,” he said. “It’s too late to change it now, but I realize I made an error in judgment.”
“You’re damn right you did, and you better find a way to make it up to her, to repay her,
because this shit is on you. You fucking owe her, Alec,” I snapped, turning and walking
away before he could bother responding. I pushed the bedroom door open and heard her
sobs immediately, the sound sending pain ripping through my chest. I closed the door
behind me and rushed over to the bed, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to
me as I sat down. She gripped onto me tightly and buried her face into my neck as I cradled
her in my arms. I could feel her entire body trembling, the sight of the tattered clothes and
blood filling me with pain and anger.
“It’s okay, Lizzie,” I said softly, rocking her and shushing her as she cried and clung to me.
“I’m here now. You’re okay.”
“They… they…” she stammered through her sobs. I shushed her quickly, not needing her to
say it.
“I know they did, bellissima. I am so sorry,” I said quietly.
“I tried to fight,” she whimpered. “Like you told me to always do. I tried.”
I pulled her to me tightly as her body shuddered, her sobs growing louder. I felt my eyes
welling up with tears as the ache in my chest intensified. She’d been so strong.
“I know, Lizzie. I’m so fucking proud of you for fighting back. Nothing like this will ever
happen to you again. I swear.”
~*~
January 5th, 1983
I staggered down the steps, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to wake myself up. It was early,
so early the sun hadn’t even risen yet, and I still should’ve fucking been asleep. I was
exhausted but I had woken up to an empty room and there was no way I could just go back
to sleep until I figured out where the hell she had gone.
She knew I hated waking up to find her missing. It worried me.
I stumbled toward the kitchen, yawning and trying to clear my vision because my eyes were
crusted over and watering. I rubbed them some more and froze when I hit the doorway and
spotted her, blinking a few times so she’d come into focus.
She was standing in front of the counter, spreading frosting on a cake. I could smell the
sweetness in my groggy state and knew she’d just fucking baked it. I crossed my arms over
my chest and leaned up against the doorframe, shaking my head.
“Good morning,” I said, my voice still thick from sleep. She jumped, startled, and swung
around to look at me. She was always so in tune with everyone and everything around her
but was starting to lose that a bit-- I couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. It
meant that she was growing somewhat accustomed to the world and relaxing, but it was
never good that a motherfucker could sneak up on you with your back to them.
“Good morning,” she said softly, her cheeks flushing as her eyes roamed my bare chest
before coming to meet mine. “I, uh… I made you a cake.”
“I see that,” I said, pushing away from the doorway and walking over to her.
“It’s Italian Cream Cake,” she said. “I don’t know what kind of cake you like, but I knew
how to make this one and it was always my favorite.”
I smiled and grabbed her hips, pulling her closer to me. She smiled sheepishly and I
reached over, swiping some frosting from the top of the cake. I tasted it and hummed,
nodding.
“It’s my favorite, too,” I said. Her eyes widened with surprise.
“Really?” she asked excitedly. “It’s your favorite kind of cake?”
I chuckled, shrugging. “It is now,” I said jokingly. She laughed and I leaned forward,
pressing my lips to hers. I kissed her gently and she let out a soft moan, wrapping her arms
around my neck and drawing me closer to her. Her lips parted and I kissed her deeply, our
tongues mingling together sensually. I loved kissing her, loved the way she tasted and felt,
always so fucking warm and sweet.
I pulled back after a minute and she gasped for a breath, gazing at me adoringly as her
cheeks flushed again.
“Happy birthday, Carlisle.”
~*~
October 1st, 1996
I sat in my office and listened as the choppy piano music filtered in, cringing every time a
wrong key was struck. They’d been going at it all morning, the distinction between when
Edward was playing and when Elizabeth tried was stunning. You’d think the off-key
selection was at the hands of the eight-year-old and not the adult, but Edward was quite a
little piano prodigy. Instead of fumbling through one of those elementary selections, he was
gliding beautifully through Beethoven and Chopin. Regular ole' little Mozart, as Elizabeth
called him…
I slid my chair back and stood up after a moment, stepping out into the hallway. I moseyed
over to the den where the piano was, pausing and gazing at them. They sat side by side on
the bench, Edward patiently trying to guide her through the notes of Twinkle Twinkle Little
Star. Always so patient with his mother…
“Not that one, Mom. This one,” he said with a hint of a whine in his voice, pressing down
on a key. Elizabeth nodded and glanced at him, smiling.
“Got it, sole. I’ll do better,” she said playfully. Edward rolled his eyes.
“You said that last time,” he muttered, causing her to laugh. She turned back to the piano
and started slowly going through the notes and I cringed as she hit that same wrong one
again, the music faltering as Edward groaned, palming his face.
“How about you just play for me,” Elizabeth suggested with a laugh.
Edward nodded and started going through a few bars of the Chopin piece he’d been
practicing for his piano recital coming up. I couldn’t understand why he had to pick
something as morbid as the funeral march, but I couldn’t deny the fact that he was good at
it. Still, the song sent a chill down my spine… I was going to be quite happy when the recital
was over and he’d finally stop playing that shit.
~*~
“How…?” Edward started before shaking his head, running a hand through his hair in
frustration. “I mean, fuck, Dad. This is just fucked up.”
I nodded. “I know it is, son. It’s a lot to take in.”
“And this is why she was so fucking desperate to save Isabella? Because she’d fucking been
there, because she’d been her?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. I could see the
hurt in his eyes as he stared at me with an agonized expression on his face. I knew this was
all hard for him to accept, everything he’d believed to be true coming into question. I was
rocking his foundation and he was fighting to stabilize himself.
“You could say that. Your mother wasn’t born into it as Isabella was, but Elizabeth knew
what Isabella had to look forward to. Isabella was still quite oblivious when we met her,
didn’t really know about the world outside of hers. She was so innocent and naïve and your
mother wanted to save her before reality broke her,” I said, shaking my head. “She didn’t
want that sweet little girl to go through what she’d gone through. Your mother knew she
couldn’t erase her past, but she felt that by giving that little girl a real future, away from it
all, she could somehow make up for it.”
“The same reason she saved Emmett… something good coming out of something bad. She
wanted to save Emmett because he was made from rape and she was raped and…” he
trailed off and a horrified look flashed across his face. “Fuck, no. Christ, don’t fucking tell
me she was that kind of slave!”
My eyes widened with surprise and I shook my head quickly. “Oh, no, not at all. She was
used for labor,” I said, not wanting his mind to go down that path at all. My words
reassured him and seemed to make him relax a little. “She was assaulted during that time
but it wasn’t condoned at all and it was taken care of.”
“Taken care of, as in, you killed the motherfuckers?” he asked forcefully. I nodded
hesitantly. I hadn’t exactly done anything to them myself but my father had been the Boss
at the time and ensured they were handled. “So is this why you won’t let us see Grandma?”
I stared at him, caught of guard by his question. “What?” I asked.
He shook his head. “You put Grandma in that home in Chicago and discouraged us from
seeing her or trying to talk to her. Is this why? Were you afraid she’d fucking tell us? You
said she spoke badly about Mom being Irish, is it really because she was a slave?”
I shrugged. “Your grandmother isn’t in her right mind, Edward. She was never very
accepting of your mother and I didn’t want you to have to hear her ranting. A slave was bad
enough, an Irish slave was worthy of being disowned in her eyes. Your grandfather was
more compassionate, thankfully.”
“So she was really Irish? I mean, that part's at least the fucking truth?” he asked.
“Yes, she was Irish. Full-blooded actually. She was born in Ireland to a teenage girl who
was unable to care for her, so she gave her up. Elizabeth lived the first two years of her life
in an orphanage before an Irish couple here adopted her. She lived with that family in the
Bridgeport area of Chicago until she was six and got to experience normal things that other
children did, like going to kindergarten. But the father fell into some trouble with the Irish
mob, owed them a lot of money and couldn’t pay so they decided to snatch Elizabeth in the
middle of the night as collateral,” I said. He stared at me curiously.
“And that’s how she became a slave? She was a normal little girl that just fucking got
kidnapped? Didn’t people look for her?” he asked, his brow furrowing. I nodded.
“Of course they looked for her, but do you know how many children go missing in this
country, Edward? Over two thousand kids, every single day. Your mother disappeared in
1971, over a decade before the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children was
even created. They looked for her but the trail went cold, so they moved on to the next
missing child. They didn’t have the Internet or any outside agencies to keep up with those
things and law enforcement was swamped. They certainly didn’t have Amber Alerts back
then. All they really had was word of mouth, and once everyone stopped talking about it
and the flyers were covered up or came down, it was like she’d never existed,” I said.
“What about her parents?” he asked. I shook my head.
“They never paid, even after their daughter was taken, so they were killed,” I said.
“Elizabeth spent a short amount of time living in the basement of a home connected to the
Irish Mob, but the underground war hit not long after her kidnapping and the people she
lived with were killed as well. She was taken by the Borgata, bounced between homes as a
servant, and ended up with the Evanson’s in Phoenix.”
“And you had her freed,” he said. “How? I mean, who vouched for her?”
“I did,” I said quietly. He looked at me with confusion, obviously not expecting that answer.
“They weren’t easily convinced and no one would stand up for me so it was the only way. I
tried to convince Alec to do it but he refused, saying it wasn’t his place to intervene. I
initiated the day I turned eighteen and vouched for her that same night. She’d been
relatively free before then, lived with Alec and Esme for awhile before coming to stay in our
house, but after I vouched for her she was free to go off with me.”
“That easy?” he asked. I laughed bitterly.
“There was nothing fucking easy about it, Edward. I tried everything I could. I got so
desperate after she was attacked that I tried to take her and run away, but that was just an
utter disaster. The only way your grandfather would allow it to happen would be for me to
join the Borgata and he’d done a damn good job convincing me that it was for the best. He
convinced me that it was the only way to keep Elizabeth safe, the only way we could truly
be together. He’d been so proud of me when I agreed to join, and that’s not something that
happened very often. Finally did something to make him happy. Finally lived up to the
Cullen name,” I said, shaking my head. “Damn good that did me.”
“I, uh… I didn’t know,” Edward said. I shrugged.
”Doesn’t matter. It’s all done with now. Is that everything you wanted to know? Because
I’m exhausted and frankly don’t have the energy for this anymore,” I asked with
frustration.
“I guess. Fuck, I don’t know. I’m still kind of in shock here and shit,” he said. “I mean, what
about Emmett and Jasper?”
I sighed. “I’ll tell them both the first chance I get. They should hear it from me,” I said.
“Whether or not you divulge that to Isabella is up to you.”
“Uh, yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. I mean, I’ll tell her someday… just not
today,” he muttered. “She’s got enough bullshit on her mind now as it is.”
“I imagine she does,” I said, glancing over at the laptop still open beside me. It appeared
that she hadn't moved a single inch since the last time I looked, which didn’t surprise me a
bit. “She’s trying to adjust to knowledge of her mother’s death while coming to grips with
her own freedom. Her mother’s life ended just as hers begun. Speaking of which…”
I scooted my chair back and pulled open the right bottom desk drawer, grabbing the files
that were sitting on top. I closed the drawer and handed the files out to Edward, which he
took carefully. “What’s this?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me curiously.
“All of Isabella’s paperwork, her citizenship and inheritance information. It’ll take awhile
before the Swan estate is completely settled but when you visited the lawyer he signed the
will that made her the sole beneficiary. No one will contest it, of course, because Swan
doesn’t really have any other family, but we have to wait out the technicalities,” I said. “Alec
is dealing with all of that as the executor but it’ll take months before it clears the courts.”
“So she seriously gets everything?” he asked. “I knew he signed the papers or whatever but
I really didn’t fucking think about him actually dying. I mean, he was a fucking vile man, I
figured he’d live to be 108 just to torture us all.”
I smiled and shook my head. “Yes, she gets everything. All of the Swan land, the house, the
money… she’d technically get all of the slaves according to our code of conduct but, you
know… we figured that wouldn’t be wise.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “That would be fucked up, giving her slaves. It would be like a smack in
the face.”
As soon as he spoke the words his eyes narrowed and he stared at me suspiciously. He
didn’t speak for a moment but I knew exactly what he was thinking based on his
expression. He could be so transparent sometimes.
“Just say it, Edward,” I said.
“What fucking nerve you have doing what the fuck you did!” he snapped, letting it out.
“Owning goddamn people after my mother went through that shit herself?! She would
fucking be ashamed of you!’
His words hurt but I kept my calm demeanor, fighting the urge to lash back at him. “She
would be ashamed, but I assure you my intentions were always good. Nonna volunteered to
come here with me all those years ago after spending her life with Aro’s family. He said she
was getting too old and wanted to get rid of her, and I spared her life by taking her. After
she passed, I had no intention of getting another, but James forced my hand in front of Aro
by basically thrusting Janet at me. I begrudgingly took her, and I know killing her was
deplorable but she was a threat to us and I felt I had no choice. As for Isabella… well, you
know why I bought Isabella.” I paused and looked at him. “I know I did some horrible
things, and your mother wouldn’t be happy with me, but I can’t take them back as much as
I wish I could.”
“Yeah, well, like I said before, I’m not the one you need to be saying that shit to,” he said,
irritation in his voice. “You ought to be fucking apologizing to her.”
I sighed exasperatedly. “Maybe someday I will… after you tell her the truth, of course. My
apology for what I did to her wouldn’t mean much of anything if she didn’t understand
why.”
“Well I’m sure as fuck not telling her right now,” he said. “The last thing she needs right
now is the guilt of what happened to my mother. She’s got enough fucking hurt and guilt
about her own.”
I nodded. “Someday, then,” I said, glancing over at the laptop. “You can’t keep secrets from
her forever, not if you want your relationship to survive. The day I got her I told her I might
someday explain to her why she was chosen. It would be better if she heard it from you. In
fact, I think she needs to hear it from you… because, Edward, she’s going to find out
eventually and it’ll hurt a lot less coming from you, if she knows that you’re okay and you
still love her. You don’t want her finding out any other way.”
“I know,” he said simply. We sat quietly for a minute before I cleared my throat and
glanced at him.
“How are you, anyway? I haven’t really asked how you’re coping with everything. I know
you’ve been busy trying to sort out this stuff about your mother, but how are you dealing
with what happened in Phoenix?” I asked curiously. He shrugged and ran a hand through
his hair in frustration.
“Fuck, I don’t know… I’ve tried not to think about it, you know. It wasn’t the first time I saw
someone die but that shit was fucked up, seeing Alec… you know. And Christ, seeing her
mother… I still can’t believe that shit,” he rambled.
“It is unfortunate but she’s in peace now. As for the other two, I can’t say I’m sad to see
them dead,” I said. “If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”
“Yeah, well, thanks but no thanks,” he muttered. “I’d rather just fucking forget about it.”
“Understandable,” I responded. “But if you change your mind, I’m here. I was never there
for you enough and I regret that, so if you ever need to talk, I’m here to listen.”
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Whatever.”
“So what are you doing for Isabella’s birthday?” I asked curiously.
“Fuck, I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “She said she doesn’t want to do anything or make
a big deal about it but I feel like an ass not celebrating it. I mean, I don’t even know how old
she is. I know she’s really seventeen but how fucking old did you make her?”
I smiled. “Legally, she’s nineteen. We made her eighteen when I brought her here and kept
that.”
“Nineteen,” he repeated, smirking. “So I’m dating an older woman.”
I laughed lightly. “I guess you could say that, technically speaking. And Isabella has never
celebrated a birthday before, so it’s not surprising she doesn’t want to celebrate this one
after everything that’s happened.”
“Yeah, I’ll probably just take her to dinner or whatever. I thought about going to Seattle for
the night, if that’s cool with you,” he muttered.
“I have nothing to do with it,” I said, shaking my head. “She’s a free girl now. She can live in
my home as long as necessary, but she’s free to do as she pleases.”
“That’s the best thing anyone could give her,” he said quietly before chuckling. “I sure as
fuck can’t top that gift.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s not a gift, Edward. It’s just giving her what she’s been
entitled to all along, what’s rightfully hers.” I paused. “Do you… uh, do you even know what
she's doing right now?”
He sighed and glanced back at the clock on the wall. “Sleeping,” he said, a hint of confusion
in his voice. “I mean, she was sleeping when I left her.”
I nodded and grabbed the laptop, turning it to face him. He glanced at it and his brow
furrowed as he scooted forward to get a better look. Isabella was still sitting in that chair,
staring out into the darkness.
“What the fuck?” he muttered. I sighed.
“She’s been there every night. When you leave the bedroom, she’s never far behind you.
She sits there for hours and when you finally start stomping back upstairs she bolts back
into the bedroom before you get there,” I said. “When you’re in school, she reads and drifts
around the house like a ghost, completely in a fog. She doesn’t eat, doesn’t watch TV,
doesn’t interact at all. She’s just… there.”
He stared at the screen for a moment before glancing at me, the confusion evident in his
eyes. “Seriously?” he asked. I nodded.
“Yes. You’ve been so consumed by this shit that you haven’t even noticed Isabella fading. I
know she smiles at you and acts as if everything is fine when you’re around, but the
moment you turn your back this is where she goes. She drifts away, folds into herself, and it
gets worse every day,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t know if it’s all because of her
mother or what, but she’s falling apart.”
He blinked in surprise and glanced back at the screen, looking stunned. “Fuck,” he
mumbled, obviously at a loss for words. He stared at the live-feed of Isabella in the library
and I sighed, hoping it was sinking in.
“Have a good night Son.”
I looked away from him and picked up my pen, focusing on the paperwork in front of me.
He sat there frozen for a moment before sighing and walking out of the room without
another word. I glanced over at the laptop and watched as he quietly crept into the library,
pausing and staring at her. The tension in that room was almost visible as Isabella turned
her head to stare at him with a blank expression on her face. He said something to her and
she nodded her head, sitting the book she had in her lap down and walking out of the
library without saying a word to him. I saw his mouth frantically moving as his hand
gripped his hair, obviously cursing under his breath as she walked away from him.
I glanced up at the clock, seeing it was a few minutes past midnight. It was now officially
September 13th, 2006… exactly a year to the day that I walked into the Swan house and
laid eyes on that frightened child up for sale, and exactly thirteen years since the last time
Elizabeth had laid eyes on her in the flesh. In fact, it was exactly thirteen years ago that she
and Edward first met, when they were mere naïve children, ignorant to the ills of the world.
Too bad we couldn’t go back to those days, before the two of them were broken down by the
realities of life. Their lives were like a large puzzle, torn into thousands of pieces, and they
were desperately trying to sort through them and put it all back together. I only hoped
when they were finished that all of the pieces were still there and neither of them would be
left with a black spot, a hole in the middle that nothing could fill but that missing piece.
Ah, like I said, I was much too fucking exhausted for intelligent thought. I was worn down,
my hands shaky and my eyes burning, my body screaming for rest but my mind even more
desperate for it. My mind wanted peace… but there would never be peace for me without
Elizabeth. Without her, I’d always have a missing piece.
February 14th, 1983
“Carlisle,” she said softly, her face nuzzled into my neck as her hand gently stroked my bare
chest. Her fingers were sending a tingling across my flesh, the sensation causing my heart
to act erratically.
“Yes, Lizzie?” I asked quietly, squeezing her. We were lying in the bed, the covers draped
over our naked forms loosely.
“I love you,” she whispered. I smiled and leaned down, kissing the top of her head.
“I love you, too,” I responded. “I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you.”
She glanced up at me and smiled brightly, her face practically glowing with happiness. It
was stunning to see her like that, a vision I never wanted to lose.
“You know, Alec could’ve come today,” she said. “I hold no grudge against him. Nothing
that happened to me was his fault. He’s your family and…”
“Ours,” I interrupted her. She stopped talking and her brow furrowed as she looked at me.
“Ours, Lizzie. He’s our family.”
She smiled softly and nodded. “Our family,” she repeated. “He should’ve come to the
wedding.”
I sighed. “He should’ve, but he didn’t. We can’t change the past, though, and it’s done with
now. We have a whole life in front of us now to focus on, there’s no reason to dwell on the
shit we can’t change.”
“A life,” she said quietly.
“Yes, a life. One I can’t imagine without you. I need you Elizabeth. I can’t live without you
and if the day ever comes that I’m forced to… uh… well…”
She laughed and laid her head back down, nuzzling back into my neck. “Well, what?”
“Well… I’ll just count down the fucking days until I’m with you again. Fate, remember?” I
said.
She hummed contently and closed her eyes. “Fate,” she whispered.
Chapter 65 Unexpected
"She stood, in a room of crumbling plaster, pressed to the window-pane,
looking up at the unattainable form of everything she loved. She did not know
the nature of her loneliness. The only words that named it were: This is not
the world I expected." -- Ayn Rand
I sat in the dim library, gazing out into the immense darkness of the Cullen’s yard. It was a
dreary night, the fog thick and the rain splattered against the window as it fell from the
massive clouds hovering above. There was no sign of the moon or any stars, nothing but
blackness. It was eerie, the sight of the rain and the sounds echoing in the still library, but
it felt almost fitting. It was how I felt on the inside… empty, black, ugly…
It was hard to put words to it and practically impossible to describe. I felt almost dead. I
might have been taking oxygen into my lungs and my heart may have been pushing blood
through my body, but a part of me had stopped existing. It hadn’t been instantaneous--in
fact, there was absolutely nothing quick and painless about it. It had been a slow, torturous
death, agonizingly painful as I withered away from the knowledge that it had been my fault.
My existence had destroyed her and everyone suffered because I lived. Every day it became
clearer to me that if I had never been born, none of it would have happened. I had dragged
them all down and continued to drag them down. She’d still be alive if it weren’t for me and
nothing anyone could say would change my mind.
I sighed and glanced over at the clock on the wall, straining my eyes and trying to make out
the numbers. There was enough light filtering in from the hallway for me to notice the
small hand on the twelve, realization dawning that it was already past midnight. I sighed
and turned my head to look back out the window, knowing another day had officially
begun.
September thirteenth... the anniversary of the day I had inadvertently started destroying
people’s lives. It was my birthday, but there was nothing at all to celebrate about the day.
There was nothing happy about it, but they would never be able to understand… especially
Edward.
I wasn’t sure where Edward was at the moment. I didn’t know where he went when he
slipped out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and I never asked, figuring he was
downstairs playing piano or just needing time alone. I didn’t know all of the details about
what had happened in Phoenix, but I knew enough to get a basic picture. I’d heard enough
of his and Esme’s conversation that afternoon at the Swan property to know that my
mother's death had been at her own hand, and had heard in passing from Dr. Cullen that
Alec had murdered Charles and Jane in retaliation. Edward had witnessed it all… it was no
wonder he was so distracted and troubled.
I watched the rain falling in the blackness for a while before the subtle glow of light coming
in the room from the hallway was disrupted, warning me someone was there. I tensed up,
startled because I could always hear Edward coming up the stairs at night when he
returned, his footsteps loud as he made no effort to go unnoticed. But there had been no
noise, nothing but the sound of the rain hitting the window.
I turned my head to look at the doorway, spotting him immediately. He looked disheveled
and agitated, his obvious exhaustion visible even in the darkness. My heart started
pounding hard, the blood pushing through my body vigorously. I wasn’t sure he was aware
that he wasn’t the only one who crept out of bed in the middle of the night and was unsure
of how he’d react to that. I hoped he wouldn’t press me for an explanation because I had
none to offer him. I had no words to make him understand… nothing would accomplish
that feat.
“I think we should go to sleep,” he said simply. I nodded and grabbed the book in my lap,
sitting it down on the table beside me. I hurried out of the room before he could say
anything else and heard him muttering curses as I headed straight for his bedroom. He’d
practically demanded we go back to sleeping in there and I had obliged, since I had gone to
the room Dr. Cullen had given to me only upon instinct when we got back from Phoenix. It
was as if I’d been on autopilot, so-to-speak, my legs leading me there on their own accord.
I slid back into the bed and Edward walked into the room, shutting the door quietly. He
walked around to his side and got into the bed, grabbing a hold of me and pulling my body
close to his. He buried his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply, his body shuddering as he
exhaled.
“Buon compleanno, mia bella ragazza,” he whispered. “Happy Birthday, Bella.”
I closed my eyes, feeling the tears welling up in them at his words. I knew he meant well,
but there was nothing happy about the day I was born and I was in no mind frame to fake it
at the moment. We both lay silently and I heard his breathing regulate after a while as he
drifted off to sleep.
I slept restlessly, but that was nothing new. I never got a full night's rest anymore, as
nightmares always seemed to creep in and haunt me as I slept. There was never any peace
at night, which was ironic because the only time I felt content anymore was in the
darkness.
I was awoken in the morning by the sound of the bedroom door clicking closed, my eyes
popping open. I rolled over and glanced at the doorway in confusion, freezing when I
spotted Edward. His footsteps faltered briefly as he looked at me, a sheepish smile
overcoming his lips as he held a small plate out to me. My brow furrowed and I sat up,
noticing the honey bun on it with a single candle sticking up in the middle.
“I can’t make a fucking cake, and I’m not even going to attempt,” he mumbled, sounding
almost embarrassed. I smiled softly and gazed at him, feeling my chest swell to the point
where it was almost painful with all the love I felt for him. He was still my world, my one
and only, and I loved him more than I had ever imagined possible. Part of me may have felt
dead, but there was still that other part of me that lived and breathed for Edward Cullen.
“That’s sweet,” I said gently, taking the plate from him. “You really didn’t have to. I told
you…”
“I know what you told me,” he said quickly, cutting me off. “But I can’t just not
acknowledge your birthday. I know you’ve got shit on your mind or whatever but still,
today is special and should be treated so. So no arguing, because this is like fucking
Christmas, and it’s rude to argue when people want to do shit for you. It’s like, kicking a gift
horse or something.”
“Never look a gift horse in the mouth?” I asked with a laugh. He rolled his eyes and
chuckled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter.
“Yes, that. A caval donato non si guarda in bocca. Just take it with a smile and it’ll all
fucking be over before you know it,” he said, flicking the lighter and igniting the small blue
and white birthday candle sticking out of the pastry. The moment he pulled his hand away I
blew the candle out, causing him to laugh. “Over eager, are we? Did you even make a
wish?”
My brow furrowed as he pulled the candle from the honey bun. “Make a wish?” I asked. He
nodded and laughed once more.
“You’re supposed to make a wish before you blow out the candle, it’s the whole point.
You’re supposed to get whatever you wish for,” he said, tossing the candle into the trashcan
beside his desk.
“Oh, I didn’t know,” I said, shrugging.
“It’s alright. You’ll get another chance later with Alice and Jasper,” he said nonchalantly. I
tensed up at his words and glanced over at him apprehensively.
“What did you say?”
He sighed. “We’re going to go spend the night in Seattle with Jasper and Alice for your
birthday. Jasper really wants to see you and, come on, did you seriously think you’d get out
of dealing with Alice?”
“I didn’t want…” I started, but he cut me off once more.
“I know you didn’t, but like I said, today’s special and the whole gift horse bullshit. It’ll just
be the four of us, no big deal,” he said. He looked at me imploringly, his expression and
tone pleading with me not to argue and just go along with it. I sighed and nodded
hesitantly.
“Okay,” I said. He continued to stare at me skeptically and I gave him a soft smile, realizing
I’d said the word he hated. “We can spend the day with Jasper and Alice. We haven’t seen
them in awhile, and I do miss them.”
He smirked. “Good. Now eat,” he said, nodding his head toward the plate. I tore the honey
bun in half and held part of it out to him.
“Did you want some?” I asked. He smiled sheepishly and took it.
“Thank you. It was the last one,” he said. I laughed and shook my head as he ate his piece,
tensing up when I noticed him grabbing a bag off of the floor. He held it out to me and I
took it carefully, eyeing him curiously. I reached inside the bag as he watched me with a
smile on his face and pulled out the medium-sized glass frame. My brow furrowed in
confusion when I saw the foreign words printed inside the glass.
“It’s a selection of Dante’s ‘La Vita Nuova’, you know, 'The New Life'. It's the Italian poem I
spoke to you,” he said. I stared at it in shock, stunned at how much thought he had put into
my present. He sighed after a moment when I didn’t respond. “I know it’s not much, I
didn’t know what to give you.”
“It’s wonderful,” I said quickly, feeling the tears of gratitude pooling in my eyes. “Truly.
Thank you.”
He smiled and nodded, giving me a quick kiss before going to take a shower. I decided to
take the plate down to the kitchen and straighten up a bit while he did, and was in the
living room putting a DVD back in it’s proper spot when Dr. Cullen stepped out of the room
underneath the stairs. He froze when he spotted me and I turned to look at him
apprehensively, unsure of what to say to him or how to act.
“Good morning, dolcezza,” he said.
“Good morning, Dr. Cullen,” I said quietly. He sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of
his nose, appearing frustrated.
“You know you don’t have to address me so formally, Isabella,” he said. I nodded.
“Yes, sir,” I responded. “I know, but…” I trailed off and stared at him, not knowing exactly
how to explain it. He patiently waited for me to finish my thought but his phone chimed
before I had a chance to, relief washing through me as he grabbed it and groaned.
“I, uh…” he started, glancing at me briefly before turning his attention back to the phone. “I
have to take this. Happy Birthday, Isabella.”
He flipped it opened and started heading for the stairs, talking in a hushed voice. I sighed
and waited for a moment before heading that direction myself, going back up to the
bedroom. I stepped inside just as Edward was dropping his towel in front of the closet, my
footsteps faltering as my face instantly heated with blush. He turned his head to look at me
and smirked, standing in front of me completely nude.
“It’s nice I can still get that reaction out of you,” he said playfully. I smiled sheepishly.
“You probably always will,” I said quietly. He chuckled.
“I wouldn’t mind that a bit,” he responded, his eyes lingering down my body as he spoke. I
bit down on my bottom lip as I saw his manhood start to come to life, averting my gaze
from it quickly as his eyes came back up to meet mine. He stared at me for a moment, his
gaze almost uncomfortable. We hadn’t been intimate since before our trip to Phoenix and I
could tell just by looking at him that was exactly what he was thinking about at the
moment.
“I, uh… I’m going to shower,” I said quickly, turning and heading into the bathroom. I
heard him muttering out of irritation as I scampered away, instantly feeling guilty. He was
my boyfriend and deserved attention, but had gotten no real affection from me in quite a
while.
I stripped out of my clothes and hopped into the shower, washing up quickly. I leaned
against the shower wall and allowed the water to rain down on me and warm my skin,
closing my eyes as my mind drifted. The water started cooling slightly after awhile and I
reopened my eyes, gasping when I saw Edward through the foggy shower door. He was
staring at me with his arms crossed over his chest, a concerned look on his face. I reached
over quickly and shut the water off, sliding to door open and looking at him
apprehensively.
“Uh, hey,” I muttered. He sighed and grabbed a towel, handing it to me. I took it carefully
and smiled at him, but it did nothing to soften his expression.
“Are you okay, Bella?” he asked as I quickly dried myself off before wrapping the towel
around me. I nodded.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m, uh… just a little tired, that’s all,” I said.
“Do you get out of bed every night?” he asked, the question catching me off guard.
“No, of course not,” I said quickly. The words were a complete lie but they seemed to roll
from my tongue unconsciously. I didn’t want him to worry about me because it was
completely unnecessary and wrong. “I just couldn’t sleep last night, that’s all.”
He stared at me with an expression of disbelief and I immediately wondered if he knew the

truth. I tensed up waiting for him to call me out on my lie but he didn’t. “Maybe we should
talk,” he suggested. “You know, we haven’t actually talked about what happened and…”
“There’s nothing to say,” I said, cutting him off because I didn’t want to get into it. “I just…
I dealt with it. It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“Is it?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. “Are you fine? Really?”
I nodded hesitantly. “Yes, really,” I said, giving him another smile which did nothing to
reassure him.
“You know you can talk to me about anything,” he said, his voice soft. “I mean it, Bella.
Anything.”
“I know,” I said, sighing because, once again, I was lying. I never wanted to lie to Edward,
having made a promise to myself that I’d always give him my honesty because it was one of
the few things I had to offer, but there was no way I could talk to him about this.
Everything was different now.
“Good,” he responded, reaching out and cupping my cheek. His hand was warm against my
skin and I parted my lips and exhaled shakily as he ran his thumb across my lips. He
leaned in and kissed me softly, the scent and feel of him overwhelming as my eyes fluttered
closed. “There’s something I wanted to show you.”
I opened my eyes and gazed at him curiously. “There is?” I asked. He smiled brightly and
nodded, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the bathroom. I laughed at his
enthusiasm as he led me over to his desk, where he grabbed a stack of papers and held
them out to me. My brow furrowed and I took them cautiously, giving him a questioning
look.
“What’s this?” I asked. He smirked.
“That, my Bella, is your life,” he said. I glanced down at the papers in my hand, scanning
the top one quickly. It was a certificate of citizenship and I felt the tears forming when I
saw my name and photograph declaring me an official U.S. citizen. I flipped through the
others quickly, my emotions running rampant.
“What are these other ones?” I asked, holding up a packet of papers stapled together.
“That’s just your inheritance information. It’ll take a few months before you get that shit
but it’ll come through. Alec is handling it. In fact, it should’ve taken months for the rest of
it, too, but he somehow got fucking documents that usually take a year to have issued done
in a few days. I don’t know how the fuck he does it,” Edward said nonchalantly. I stared at
him with confusion.
“Inheritance?” I asked skeptically. He nodded.
“Yeah, you know, property and money and shit. I mean, I understand you’re probably not
going to want to keep the house you grew up in but you can just sell it or...”
“What?” I asked, my voice louder than I anticipated but he had caught me off guard. He
stopped speaking and looked at me with surprise.
“Uh, the house. You know, in Phoenix?” he clarified. I gaped at him, stunned.
“Are you saying the house in Phoenix belongs to me?” I asked. He nodded and I blinked a
few times, trying to absorb the information. “I mean, what about all of their stuff?”
He shrugged. “It’s still there. You can take what you want, if you want any of it, and the rest
you can throw away or donate to charity. Hell, if it were me, I’d probably burn the shit.”
I looked at him with shock. “Burn it?” I asked. He nodded.
“Yeah, but whatever you want to do, it’s yours. Well, it will be anyway,” he said. “When we
went to see that lawyer in Phoenix, Charles signed a will leaving everything to you. The
organization went in and cleaned the place out of everything incriminating, of course, but
they left everything else untouched.”
My eyes widened. “Oh, God, what about Clara and the other slaves? What happened to
them?” I asked, horrified at all of the potential scenarios. He sighed.
“Alec took possession of them. There were only three. One of them is living with him and
Esme, and the other two were handed over to Aro. I mean, look,” he paused and ran his
hand through his hair. “You have no power over that shit, Isabella. Neither one of us do.
We can’t free them but they’re somewhere that’s probably more fucking humane than the
place in Phoenix was, you know? There’s that, at least.”
I nodded hesitantly. “I guess,” I said, understanding where he was coming from despite the
fact that I didn’t like it. He was right, however… there was nothing I could do about it.
“Anyway, the house and the possessions are yours, as is all of your father’s money. They’ll
put it in a bank account for you when it comes through,” he said.
“I, uh…. I don’t want it,” I said. “I don’t want anything that belonged to those people. He
wasn’t my father, Edward.”
He frowned and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the bed. We sat down and he gazed
at me for a second with a somber expression on his face. “Look, don’t think of it as your
father giving you money because you’re right, he wasn’t your father and I shouldn’t have
said that. But you’re entitled to it, Isabella. After everything you’ve fucking been through,
you deserve this. It’s like, atonement, and I’m not saying any amount of money will actually
ever make up for it because it won’t, but after all of the torture you went through and
everything you lost... you’re at least entitled to this. Does that make sense?”
“I guess,” I said. He smiled.
“And money will help with these other things,” he said, grabbing the papers in my hand
and shifting them around so that the citizenship certificate was back on top.
I smiled at his statement, trying to come to terms with what he was saying. “But what about
Dr. Cullen?” I asked. “I mean, I’m still here, what happens now?”
He shrugged. “He has no power over you. Alec vouched for you and you have everything
you need to start a life. My father said you can live here as long as you want, but the point is
you don’t have to, you know?”
“Where else would I go?” I asked. He smiled.
“Wherever you want to,” he said with a shrug. “It’s your life, your choice. You can go where
you want to go and do what you want to do. You don’t have to report to anyone but yourself
now. You’re like, your own master and shit--and I hope you don’t go anywhere without me
but if that’s what you choose, it’s up to you, Bella. You’re free.”
I stared at him in shock, fighting to hold back my emotion but the moment the word
‘free’ rolled from his lips, I lost the battle. The tears started streaming from my eyes and I
clutched onto the papers tightly as my hands started shaking.
Free? I was free?
Edward reached out and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me down onto the bed to
hold me as I started sobbing hysterically. I clung to him tightly and nearly lost my breath as
he started shushing me, rocking my body in his embrace. I was completely overwhelmed at
that concept and didn’t know what to say or do, or even truly think for that matter. What
did it mean to be free?
“I don’t want to go anywhere without you,” I whispered after a moment. He sighed and
cupped my chin, pulling my face up so I’d look at him.
“Good,” he said. "That's what I like to hear." We lay quietly and stared at each other, his
green eyes a flurry of emotion. He reached out and wiped the tears from my cheeks before
his fingertips softly brushed across my lips. I let out a shaky breath as he leaned over and
pressed his lips to mine, kissing me softly and sweetly. He started gently stroking my side,
slipping his hand underneath the towel that was loosely covering my body to caress my
bare skin. His touch caused goose bumps to spring up along my flesh and I moaned in
response, causing him to deepen the kiss.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, finally letting go of the papers in
my hand. They dropped to the bed and I grasped onto him, running my fingers through his
chaotic hair. He shifted his body toward mine, pushing me onto my back as he pulled
himself on top of me, the movement of his lips growing frenzied. I could feel the
desperation in his kiss, and when he pulled back to take a breath I saw the devotion in his
expression. His gaze was intense, so much love and adoration shining back at me that it
nearly took my breath away.
“I love you,” he said quietly. I smiled, believing with everything in me that he truly meant
it.
“I love you, too,” I responded. “So much, Edward.” He smiled brightly at my words and
nodded before pressing his lips to mine again.
“Ti amerò per il resto della mia vita. Non vi è nessun altro al mondo per me,” he
whispered huskily against my mouth. “Non so quello che ho fatto per meritare, ma mi
passerà il resto della mia vita per assicurarci che tu sia felice. Marry me, Bella.”
I froze as those words registered, shock hitting me. He pulled back to look at me with a
staggering expression on his face and I just stared at him, unsure of what to say or how I
was supposed to react. I was sure I had heard him right, but it was so startling to hear it
come from his lips.
“You want me to marry you?” I asked hesitantly. He nodded.
“Not today, or tomorrow. It doesn’t even have to be this year or, fuck, next year either for
that matter. But someday, when you’re ready, will you marry me? Promise me you'll spend
your life with me?” he asked, his words sending my heart pounding and my stomach
fluttering as emotion whipped through me. My eyes welled up with tears once more and he
sighed. “I know I’m doing this shit all wrong, I don’t even have a fucking ring…”
I brought my hand up quickly to cover his mouth and he froze. “Yes,” I said, my voice
cracking as I tried to swallow back the lump forming. His eyes widened with surprise.
“Yes?” he asked. I nodded furiously in response.
“Yes!” I echoed louder, my excitement mounting. I cleared my throat and nodded

frantically. “Yes, of course I will, Edward.”
He smiled, his face lighting up with the same excitement I felt. He smashed his lips to mine
feverishly and I laughed into his mouth, stunned at his enthusiasm. I couldn’t believe that I
had not only essentially been freed, but that he’d asked me to officially spend my life with
him. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and kissed him back passionately, the entire
outside world melting away in that moment.
Nothing else mattered but him.
His hand started roaming my body and he pushed the towel off of me, the feel of his
fingertips causing sparks to fly across my skin. I grabbed his shirt and started pulling up on
it, and he sat up quickly to remove it before pressing his lips to mine again. I kissed him
back with everything I had as he started fumbling with his pants, pushing them down to
expose himself.
“I need you, Isabella,” he said, his voice thick with desire.
“You have me,” I responded without thinking twice about it. He groaned and started
frantically wiggling around in an attempt to get his pants off while still kissing me, his
movements making me laugh. He chuckled and gave up after a second, standing up to kick
them off. He climbed back into the bed and came up between my legs, his lips going
straight to my neck. He wasted no time pushing himself inside of me, the sensation causing
a loud groan to escape my lips, which he echoed.
He made love to me passionately, his desire and affection clear in every thrust. His lips
didn’t leave me for a second, whispering sweet things against my skin as I held onto him
tightly. It was one of the most intense moments of my life, feeling his body on top of mine
while he was inside of me and knowing that he wanted me. Knowing that I was free and
finally had a life of my own, and that despite everything I had been in the past, he still
wanted me for the future. It was so overwhelming that I cried as I clung to him, never
wanting that feeling or that knowledge to leave me. I never wanted to lose the moment
when I finally felt like a real person… when I truly felt alive.
However, I knew deep down inside that the moment wouldn’t last. He slowed his
movements after awhile and the intensity dissipated as he came to a stop. I held onto him,
panting and trying to get myself under control, when he whispered the words that made the
outside world come crashing in on me once more.
“Happy birthday, tesoro.”
He rolled over to look at me when I didn’t respond and I smiled immediately so he

wouldn’t grow worried. He gazed at me curiously for a moment before sighing. “We should
probably get dressed,” he said. I nodded and got up, heading into the bathroom to clean up
quickly. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray sleeveless top while Edward put on my
favorite striped polo shirt of his, with the green that matched the color of his eyes. He
looked devastatingly handsome and I gazed at him as he finished getting ready, trying to
push back the hurt and shame I felt. I was so grateful he was a part of my life, but I didn’t
deserve his devotion. He wouldn’t agree with me about that, but it was simply because he
didn’t see it yet--he didn’t understand how horrible I was and how much damage I caused
people.
I packed us both some clothes since we were staying in Seattle over night and we headed
out after I was finished. The drive was long and neither of us spoke much, both deep in
thought. I wasn’t sure what was plaguing him, but I didn’t dare ask. It was unfair of me to
expect him to share his thoughts with me when I wasn’t extending the same to him.
It was early evening by the time Edward pulled his car into a parking lot across from a
massive beautiful brick building in the city. Edward grabbed our bag and locked the car up
before taking my hand and leading me across the street. He pushed a little button when we
reached the front door and Jasper’s voice came through a little intercom system before the
door buzzed and opened. He motioned for me to enter and led me to an elevator that took
us up to the sixth floor. We exited the elevator and headed down a hallway, stopping in
front of a door with the number sixty-seven on it.
He reached his hand up to knock, but before he could the door was pulled open and we
came face-to-face with Alice. She was smiling brightly and flung herself at me. “Happy
birthday!” she cried enthusiastically, squeezing me in a hug. I heard Jaspers laughter and
glanced over to see him standing in the doorway smiling.
“Uh, thank you, Alice,” I said.
“Yeah, happy b-day, Isabella,” Jasper said when Alice let go, holding his arms out to me. I
smiled softly and felt a swell of emotion as he hugged me, my shame battling with the
natural comfort Jasper always made me feel.
He let go of me after a second, telling us to come inside, and I froze the moment I stepped
foot into the front room. The place was immense, the walls a soft tan color that made
everything feel warm. It was decorated mainly in blues and tans and had beautiful artwork
on the walls, but that wasn’t what had stalled my footsteps. It was the large bunch of
birthday balloons weighted down to the round table near the open kitchen that caught my
eye. There were presents on the table with them and what appeared to be a cake, and I just
stared at it all in shock. I felt so much gratitude toward my friends in that moment but my
guilt ate away at me as the tears formed in my eyes. I hadn’t wanted them to do anything
for my birthday because celebrating felt like a sham.
“You guys shouldn’t have…” I started, but Alice cut me off quickly.
“Don’t be silly,” she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me over toward the table. I sighed,
resigned to the fact that fighting her on the matter was useless. She pulled a chair back and
smiled brightly, motioning for me to sit down. I obliged as Edward strolled over, leaning
back against the counter across the room and gazing at me curiously. Alice started sticking
candles in the cake on the table and I glanced at it, reading the words ‘Happy Birthday
Isabella’ written in red frosting. Jasper went behind Alice and lit the candles, both of them
stepping off to the side when they were finished. Alice started belting out the birthday song
in a squeaky voice, both Edward and Jasper mumbling along with her, and when they were
finished they told me to make a wish and blow them out. I stared at the flickering flames of
the birthday candles for a moment before silently wishing for the only thing I truly wanted
in that moment.
I wished, after everything was said and done, for us to be okay.
I took a deep breath and blew out the candles, smiling when Alice started cheering
enthusiastically. I watched as the puffs of smoke rose from the candles and Jasper started
pulling them out as Alice practically thrust a present at me. I gaped at it, unsure of how to
react, and Edward groaned.
“Take that shit down a notch, Alice,” he said, shaking his head. “Give her some fucking
room to breathe.” Alice rolled her eyes but I smiled at him, grateful because it was all a bit
overwhelming and I appreciated him trying to look out for me. I opened the small package
carefully, finding what appeared to be an expensive silver watch. I pulled it out and eyed it
carefully.
“That’s from Rosalie,” Alice said. I looked at her with surprise and she smiled. “They were
mailed here.”
I nodded in understanding, grateful and overwhelmed that even from afar, they cared. She
handed me more presents and I opened a big box of art supplies that smelled like fruits
from Emmett with a letter that said not to smell them too much or I might get high. There
was an added note on the bottom from Rosalie saying Emmett experimented and
confirmed that it was indeed possible to get high off of them, suggesting that I keep them
from Edward so he didn’t get any bright ideas. We laughed and Edward groaned in
annoyance at Rosalie’s jab, but smiled anyway.
Alice got a purse for me, saying that it was time I started carrying one because every
woman needed a good purse, and Jasper gave me Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit handheld
electronic games since he knew I enjoyed them.
“This is from Esme and Alec,” Jasper said, handing me another package. I froze and stared
at it, stunned. They all looked at me curiously so I took it from him after a second, taken
aback that they had gotten me a birthday present. I opened it carefully, pulling out a
medium-sized copper box with a glass window on the top of it. Inside the window was a
four-leaf clover along with some red hearts and shiny silver beading. It was stunning and I
pulled the lid off to see it was lined in velvet which was the same color as the hearts on the
front. I wasn't entirely sure what it was, but I felt my eyes welling up with tears at the fact
that it was obviously something special.
“It’s a reliquary box,” Edward said gently, his voice startling me because I hadn’t noticed
him approach. “I’m guessing based on the front it represents love and luck. You’re
supposed to store your treasures in it--your important shit.”
I glanced up at him and smiled as a tear slipped down my cheek. “I don’t think you’ll fit,” I
said softly, wiping my eyes. He chuckled.
“Yeah, I don’t think so either, tesoro. Not even my dick would fit in that thing,” he said
playfully. I blushed and shook my head as they all laughed. I sat the box down on the table
and sighed.
“Are we done?” I asked, glancing around at them. They all nodded and I breathed a sigh of
relief, glad that part was over.
We sat around and ate cake, chatting nonchalantly. Jasper told us about school and life in
Seattle, and Alice and Edward shared stories about everyone back in Forks. I listened,
grateful that the attention was off of me for the time being, just content being in their
company for the moment. They ended up ordering pizza and we spent the evening
watching movies and playing games, the atmosphere relaxed. Eventually Rosalie and
Emmett called and I spoke to them for a few minutes as they filled me in about school and
wished me a happy birthday.
“So, have you thought about what you’re doing next year?” Jasper asked Edward at one
point, his question making me nervous because Edward and I hadn’t approached the
subject since returning and I wasn’t sure what his thoughts on the matter were. He
shrugged.
“Probably going to school somewhere in California, I guess,” he said. “Wherever Isabella
wants to go.” I smiled softly as he glanced over at me.
“What’s in California?” Alice asked. Edward chuckled.
“Don’t even ask,” he said. “It’s not Forks or Chicago and that’s all that really matters to me
now. As long as she marries me, I’ll follow her ass to the fucking gates of Hell if that's
where she wants to go.”
Jasper had been taking a drink and choked on it when Edward spoke, spraying soda all
over himself as he started coughing forcefully. He threw his hands in the air in an attempt
to open his windpipe, gasping for air.
“What the fuck's wrong with you?” Edward asked, looking at Jasper. Jasper shook his head
as he caught his breath, wiping his eyes as they had started watering.
“Nothing, man. It just caught me off guard to hear you say that word,” he said. Edward’s
brow furrowed.
“What word?” he asked.
“Marriage,” he said, standing up and heading into the kitchen to clean himself up. Edward
rolled his eyes.
“Whatever. I never thought I’d do the shit either. I’m just glad she agreed to it,” he said.
“Excuse me?” Jasper said, stepping back into the room with a stunned expression on his
face. “What did you just say?”
Edward groaned. “Christ, Jazz, are you fucking deaf?” he said with irritation.
“No, but I thought I just heard you say she agreed to marry you,” Jasper said.
“I did,” Edward said. “I mean, well, I asked and she agreed, but…”
“You proposed?!” Alice screeched, jumping up.
“I guess you could say that,” he said. Alice turned to look at me with shock and rushed right
at me, grabbing my hand.
“Where’s the ring?” she asked excitedly. I just stared at her and heard Edward groan.
“I didn’t have one,” he said. Alice gasped and narrowed her eyes at him.
“What do you mean you didn’t have a ring? Did you at least get down on one knee?” she
asked. Edward shook his head and she groaned loudly, reaching out and smacking him on
the side of the head. My eyes widened in shock as Edward cursed, rubbing his head. “What
kind of freaking proposal was that, Edward Cullen?!”
“It wasn’t a fucking real one, Christ,” Edward snapped. “I mean, I just asked her if she’d
marry me someday.”
“That’s even worse!” Alice screeched, reaching out to hit him again but he was prepared
that time and warded her off.
“Shit, Alice, stop hitting me,” he said. “It’s not like I fucking planned it, it just kind of came
out.” She shook her head and sighed with annoyance.
“I thought you knew better than that, Edward. All the planning you put into Valentine’s
Day and you completely blow the proposal,” she said.
He opened his mouth to respond but I chimed in quickly before he could, feeling bad that
he was getting so much grief for something that had made me feel so special. “He didn’t
blow it,” I said. “I don’t need any of that stuff. It was genuine and that was all that mattered
to me. He doesn’t need to give jewelry as long as he gives me himself.”
Edward smirked. “See, you hear that shit, Short Stuff? I didn’t fuck up,” Edward said
defensively. Jasper and I both laughed as Alice rolled her eyes, sitting back down.
“You still could’ve gotten down on one knee,” she said. Edward chuckled.
“Yeah, well, I did get between her knees, if you know what I mean,” he said jokingly. I
blushed in embarrassment and Alice rolled her eyes again.
“Yeah, I’m sure that was romantic,” she muttered.
“It was,” I responded immediately without thinking. Edward laughed.
“See,” he said. “I know how to do my girl right. I know how to get all up in that pussy…”
“No No No,” Jasper said loudly, shaking his head and holding his hands up. “You can’t talk
about this. She’s like a sister to me now and I don’t want to hear it.”
Edward chuckled and shrugged. “Fair enough. Alice fucking started it, though.”
They changed the subject quickly, much to my relief, and the rest of the evening passed by
fairly uneventfully. Edward and I headed into the guest bedroom sometime after midnight
and changed, climbing into the bed to get some rest. He pulled me into his arms and I
snuggled against his chest, neither of us saying anything for a while. He was gently rubbing
my back as my hand slid under his shirt, my fingers running over the ridges of his abs and
stroking the trail of hair that ran down his stomach.
“I wish I could read your mind,” Edward said finally, breaking the silence.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“So I could know what to say to make it better,” he responded. I stilled my hand and
glanced up at him, seeing the concern in his expression. I sighed and shook my head.
“You always know what to say,” I said. He laughed dryly.
“If that was true, you wouldn’t sneak out of bed every night,” he said. I tensed up at his
words and he shook his head. I sat up to give him some room as he propped himself up on
his elbows to look at me with a serious expression on his face. “Yeah, I know. My father’s
had the cameras on since we got back. I know you spend most of your time sitting in the
library and just staring into space. I know you walk around like a fucking zombie when I’m
not around. I know you slip out of bed. I know all of that shit, Bella, but what I don’t know
is why you won’t talk to me about it. I don’t know why you’d rather lie to me.”
I could tell he was upset by his tone and I stared at him, my guilt and shame skyrocketing
when I saw the hurt in his eyes. It pained me to know I was hurting him because it was the
last thing I ever wanted to do. I never wanted to cause Edward Cullen an ounce of pain, but
it was the thing I’d succeeded in doing most.
I tried to fight back my tears but they came regardless, and I averted my eyes, unable to
take his expression. I lay back down and rolled away from him, squeezing my eyes shut
tightly, and wishing the outside world would disappear. I heard him sigh as the bed shifted,
and I held my breath waiting for him to get up and walk away. My chest ached at the mere
thought of him ever leaving me--he always swore he wouldn’t give up on me, but I just kept
waiting for the day when he changed his mind. I was waiting for the moment to come when
he realized he’d been wrong about me and decided I didn’t deserve him. I was waiting for
the moment when he declared I wasn’t worth it and if he knew what I knew, he would. If he
knew what I knew, he’d hate me just as much as I hated myself.
The day after we returned from Phoenix, I had walked into the library at the Cullen’s house
in search of a book to read. I needed something to distract me when Edward went back to
school and knew reading would be my greatest hope. I could get lost in a different world, be
absorbed in a fictional time and place, the life of someone else. I had no way of knowing, as
I pulled that worn leather book from the shelf, that instead of escaping into a different
world, I’d be drawn further into my own. Little did I know that by opening that book,
reality would hit me hard and make me question everything I’d ever been sure of in my life.
It was such a simple looking book, but the words contained in the pages were some of the
most powerful I'd ever read. I’d come upon it a few times, each time bypassing it for
something else, but that day I grabbed it absent-mindedly and opened it, my brow
furrowing in confusion when I saw the handwriting.
No, I had no way of knowing that I’d stumble upon the diary of Elizabeth Cullen in the
midst of those hundreds of books, and no way of knowing what I’d discover within it. I had
realized almost instantly what it was that I’d found, and I should’ve replaced it right away...
and I would have if it weren’t for what I saw the moment I looked at the page.
I saw my name.
I read that single passage at least a dozen times, never venturing beyond that one page
because it contained all the information I’d ever need to hear in order to know the truth.
The truth that it had all been my fault, that I had caused it all. She’d still be alive if it
weren’t for me and nothing would ever change that fact. Edward would never understand
and someday he’d discover the truth, just as I had, and he’d realize then that I wasn’t worth
it.
I’d come to terms with my own mother’s death quickly. She chose to end her own life and I
couldn’t be angry with her for that. She was finally in peace and free, wherever she was,
and that thought made me smile. The thought of my mother as an angel, watching over me,
was one of the most beautiful things I could imagine. She deserved freedom from the life
she lived and she’d found it, and I missed her but I had no right to be selfish. She died with
a smile on her face and the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders, and after
everything she had endured and done for me, she deserved her moment. She deserved to
have one moment where she thought only of herself and what it was she wanted, and it was
clear to me that what she wanted was relief.
I couldn’t fault her for that, and I had no right to grieve over losing her when by doing so,
she finally became free. It was her only true way out and I understood that… but Edward’s
mother was another story. I could never take back what I’d caused, and would never forget
what it was I’d read when I opened that book.
~*~ ~*~
September 13th, 1993
We went to Phoenix again today. Carlisle almost made us stay home, but I did everything
I could think of to convince him that it would be fine. I played on his guilt and I feel bad
about that, but it was important that I go along because I had to see her again. I took
Edward with me, and Carlisle wasn’t very happy about taking him to that house around
those people, but I told him he was being silly. If it wasn’t safe for Edward there then his
entire logic about it being okay to leave her there was ridiculous. Just because Isabella
Swan wasn’t my daughter didn’t mean she wasn’t just as special to me as my own
children.
I knew it was her birthday and it broke my heart that no one paid it any attention.
Carlisle wouldn’t let me bring her anything and I gave him the silent treatment because it
usually helped me get my way, but it didn’t work. We were able to sneak some chocolate
along and Edward gave her a piece, so at least she got that. The poor baby never had
chocolate before and wanted to keep it for later. I hope she got to eat it.
It was so cute seeing her and Edward together. Edward didn’t know what to think about
her at first but she charmed him quickly just like I knew she would. She is such a sweet
child and deserves so much better than she has. She was so dirty again and still didn’t
have any shoes. I just wish Carlisle would’ve let me at least bring her a pair of shoes to
protect her feet. I understand why he didn’t but I still don't like it.
I had a hard time leaving and promised her I’d come back soon to play, but Carlisle said it
couldn’t happen anymore. He said I was too attached and he was just looking out for me,
but he didn’t understand. It doesn't matter if he lets me go to Phoenix with him anymore
or not, I'm not giving up on Isabella. I love the little girl just like I love my own children,
and I can give up on her no more than I can give up on my Edward or Jasper or Emmett.
Someone has to save her and no one else is even trying. I cry every night just thinking
about what she is going to go through when she finally realizes she’s a slave and there’s
an entire world she isn’t allowed to be a part of. She is too special to have to go through
that and I have to save her before it happens... with or without my husband's help.
Carlisle doesn’t understand. I can’t save the world and I know that, but I also know that I
can save that little girl. I have to. It's fate that I met Isabella Swan. He tells me I'm being
ridiculous with my fate nonsense, but my intuition has never been wrong before. I felt it
with him, I feel it with my children, and I feel it with Isabella Swan. She is destined to be a
part of my family and nothing he can say will make me change my mind. I feel it in my
bones and just seeing her with my Edward reaffirmed that. Those two are supposed to be
in each other's lives.
It's fate.
I realized today that it doesn’t matter what it takes or what may come of me, I’m going to
free her someday. Parents are supposed to protect their children and I would die for mine
if it meant keeping them safe, and that includes Isabella.
I will save her.
~*~ ~*~
It was me... I was the one who had gotten Edward’s mother killed. I was the one she had
tried to help and gave her life for. I was the one that had caused Edward to become so
broken, the one that had destroyed his life. I’d destroyed all of their lives and Edward
would never be able to understand. It was the reason Dr. Cullen had bought me in the first
place, why his boss knew who I was. The reason Dr. Cullen had declared I wasn’t worth it
was because his wife had been murdered because of me, and I just knew the moment
Edward realized that he’d feel the same way. He always said the person who killed his
mother destroyed his family and I was that person. He’d never be able to forgive me for
that.
There was nothing special about my birthday, because it was the day I’d inadvertently
started ruining their lives. If I had never been born, she’d still be alive.
Edward grabbed a hold of me and pulled me to him as my body started trembling. I tried to
hold it in but I couldn’t, strangled sobs escaping my throat as I fought to maintain my
composure. He hadn’t walked away yet, but he would. I could swear my love and devotion
to him, agree to marry him and tell him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but
none of that would matter. I knew it was only a matter of time until it all came to an end
because I didn’t deserve his devotion after what I had caused him, and I was so afraid that
someday he would realize that.
“I told you, I’m not fucking giving up on you,” he said, squeezing me tightly. “Christ, baby, I
wish I fucking knew what was wrong. I wish you’d talk to me.”
I reached up and grasped onto his arms that were around me, trying to seek comfort in his
embrace. He always made me feel safe with his familiar scent and warmth and I needed
that again because I was starting to feel desperately alone. I wanted nothing more than to
tell him, to talk to him and make him understand how guilty and ashamed I felt, but I
couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him because it would only hurt him more than he already hurt
and I never wanted to do that to him. I loved him with every fiber of my being and he’d told
me countless times that I had saved him, pulled him from the blackness that threatened to
consume him. How could I ever tell him that it had been my fault he was there in the first
place? How could I tell him that the person he needed saving from was me?
I may not have pulled the trigger, but that didn’t make me any less of a murderer. I’d killed
her.
The knowledge that he had almost died, himself, because of me ate away at my conscience
to the point where I couldn’t look at the scar that aligned his beautiful body without the
guilt nearly making me buckle. It didn’t even matter if Edward would ever be able to find it
in his heart to forgive me for my involvement, because I was unsure if I’d ever forgive
myself.
Reading that diary entry had caused the memory to resurface, and it played in my mind
every night as I drifted off to sleep. It was the reason I slipped out of bed when Edward did,
my shame overwhelming as I slept beside the wonderful man whose life I had tainted. It
physically hurt, my chest constricting to the point where it felt like my heart would burst
and my lungs were scorched, to have him comforting me when I didn’t deserve it. I
desperately wanted it, needed it, but in no way should he have been doing it. What right did
I have, after what had happened? Who had comforted him when he was broken and alone?
He held me as I cried myself to sleep, and I fought it as long as possible but exhaustion won
as usual. I slipped into the dream, seeing Mrs. Cullen in her long blue dress with her
striking red hair falling in waves down her back with a little Edward in tow. He looked so
nervous and kept eyeing me suspiciously, like I was something foreign and he was
attempting to piece together whether or not I was a threat to his mother. I knew right away
how protective he was of her, how much he held her in high regard and idolized her. Even
at the age of four I could tell that she was his world and he perceived me as a threat to his
universe.
If he had only known how correct his suspicion had been.
If he had only known how big of a threat I truly was.
I was awestruck by him, having never seen someone small like me before. Right away I
wanted him to be my friend and had been determined to make it happen.
“Izzy, sweetheart, this is my son Edward,” Mrs. Cullen said, crouching down so she was eye
level with me. I smiled brightly and turned to look at the boy with the bright hair and green
eyes.
“Hi, Edward!” I declared excitedly. “Do you want to be my friend?”
He stared at me with confusion. “I don’t know,” he said cautiously.
“I like having friends,” I said. “I have a whole bunch of them and I gave them all names.
Mommy says someday I’ll have ones she can see but I don’t care if she can see them really,
I like them! I think my mommy can see you and she would be really happy if you were my
friend.”
“Okay,” he responded, still eyeing me strangely. My smile grew.
“So you’ll be my friend?” I asked. He shrugged.
“I guess,” he muttered.
“Yay!” I yelled excitedly. “If you’re my friend, we can play! My mommy told me not to talk
to strangers but if you’re my friend then you’re not a stranger because I know you now.”
His brow furrowed as he stared at me. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked with confusion,
his question not making sense to me. I glanced down at myself quickly.
“Where?” I asked, unsure of what he meant. My question only served to confuse Edward
more as he gaped at me, and I wracked my brain trying to figure out what he saw that was
wrong.
“You’re weird,” he declared. My brow furrowed and Mrs. Cullen sighed.
“Edward, manners,” she chastised him, his expression shifting immediately from confusion
to shame. He looked down at the ground guiltily.
“Sorry, Mom,” he muttered.
“It’s okay, Sweetie. You know better than to judge people, though. You have to get to know
someone and give them a chance,” she said gently. He nodded in understanding, glancing
back at me.
“We can be friends,” he said hesitantly. My excitement grew at his words and I beamed at
him. I reached out to grab a hold of his hand and started tugging on it, pulling him out
toward the garden. He resisted at first and looked at his mother with an almost panicked
expression, but she smiled gently and nodded her head.
“Go on, sole. You wont regret it,” she said. He sighed and gave in, going along with me.
“I hope not,” he muttered.
I remembered it all, every bit of that day. He warmed up to me quickly once he let his guard
down, letting me in as his walls crumbled for me. I recalled his resistance to getting dirty
and my insistence that it was fine. He caved and sat down in the dirt gingerly, following my
lead. I recalled him offering me the chocolate and me not understanding what he meant,
assuming he literally meant a kiss. I was confused about it but just as he’d caved to me, I
gave in to him and kissed his lips quickly. I remembered wanting to save that chocolate for
later, and I even remembered the aftermath of that incident when the Swan’s discovered
me with it.
By the time they departed that afternoon, it was clear Edward’s statement that we could be
friends was more than just words. He had become my friend, and as they were leaving I
heard him tell his mother that she had been right, he didn’t regret giving me a chance.
The past mirrored the present in so many ways, from our first encounter being a
misunderstanding to our first kiss and piece of chocolate, but I knew there was one
instance where the present would differ from that day. He may not have regretted meeting
me then, but I knew he would now. I knew, after everything he had said about the anger
and hatred he felt for the person who caused his mother's death, that he would regret ever
letting me into his life.
That day played in a loop in my subconscious as I slept restlessly, and I awoke the next
morning and forced a smile on my lips as I had every other day. He woke up and gazed at
me curiously, the hurt still evident in his eyes but I ignored it the best I could. I didn't know
how to make it go away, as much as I desperately wanted to.
We departed and headed back home, the air between us thick with tension. It had been
growing over the days but it was stronger and uncomfortable now. He didn’t press me for
information and I was grateful for it, unable to provide him anything to make him
understand.
The next week flew by in a blur, as I saw very little of Edward except at night because of
school and football practice. I spent my days in the library, holding the diary in my hands
and wishing with everything in me that I could forget. I wished it weren’t true, that I could
turn back time and do something to change how everything happened.
My emptiness and shame only seemed to grow as the days passed, and Edward’s own
demeanor shifted along with mine. He was growing impatient, his temper flaring more
often as he quickly started falling back into old patterns. He’d lash out and say rude things
without thinking, and I brushed them off despite the fact that they hurt. We were slowly
but surely falling apart, I knew it, but I grasped on to the hope that we’d find a way out of it
in time. I had to believe that in my heart, despite the fact that my mind told me differently.
My heart clung to my love for him and his obvious devotion to me, desperate to retrieve the
feeling I’d felt when he asked me to marry him someday, but my brain wouldn’t stop
replaying what had happened… what it was I’d caused. My shame and love were battling it
out inside of me as I slowly drifted away, and Edward started to become a casualty in my
war. I wished with everything that it would just stop, that we would just be okay, but I had
no idea how to fix any of it.
I had no idea how we were going to survive.
It was Friday morning and I was in the kitchen pouring some orange juice when Edward
strolled in. I held the glass out to him and he took it, giving me a small smile as he took a
sip. “Thanks,” he muttered. I nodded and returned the jug to the fridge as he started fixing
himself a bowl of cereal. “Are you coming to my game tonight?”
I glanced at him with surprise. “Your game?” I asked. He sighed and nodded.
“Yes, our first game is tonight,” he said. “If you don’t want to come it’s fine, I was just
asking.”
“No, of course I want to come,” I said quickly, feeling guilty that I hadn’t even realized his
first game was coming up. He smiled and I could see the excitement in his eyes, his
happiness that I wanted to be there for him. I returned his smile and he leaned over,
kissing my lips quickly.
“I love you,” he said softly, his words making my heart flutter.
“I love you, too,” I responded.
He ate his cereal and departed for school, telling me the game started at a quarter after
seven and he’d see me afterward. I stood by the window in the kitchen and watched as he
got into his car, starting it up and disappearing from sight. I spent the afternoon cleaning
up Edward’s bedroom, as he’d gotten quite lazy and was throwing things around again,
before taking a shower and getting dressed. I put on a pair of jeans and a pink short-
sleeved top, slipping on a pair of ballet flats that matched. I made an effort to fix my hair,
pulling half of it back in a clip, and put on some lip-gloss.
Alice called eventually, excited when she found out I was going to the game and saying
she’d meet me there. It set my mind slightly at ease, knowing I wouldn’t be alone the entire
time, but it didn’t completely kill my anxiety. I left the house close to seven o’clock, my
nerves flaring as I climbed behind the driver’s seat of the car they had purchased for me. I
drove through town slowly, clenching the steering wheel tightly as I tried to keep myself
under control. I remembered the games from the year before and how many people were
there which made me even more anxious.
I pulled into the school parking lot and parked in the first spot I saw, climbing out and
glancing around nervously for Alice’s vehicle. I spotted it parked along the side of the
school and breathed a sigh of relief that she was already there. I could hear the noise from
the stadium and the announcer speaking about the game, knowing it had started already. I
heard Edward’s name and the crowd cheered wildly, my heard starting to pound furiously
at the sound. My hands were trembling and I locked the car up, swinging around and
screaming when I nearly collided with someone standing behind me.
“Whoa,” Jacob said, his eyes wide with shock. “Relax, it’s just me.”
I grabbed my chest, willing my heart to slow down, and narrowed my eyes at him. “Just
you? I’m supposed to be relieved that it’s you?” I rattled off. He laughed and held his hands
up defensively.
“I’m hurt,” he said playfully. “I tell you, you get sassier every time I see you.”
I rolled my eyes but blushed. “What do you want, Jacob Black?” I asked, shaking my head.
He shrugged.
“Do I have to want something?” he asked. “I just got here and saw you pull in and figured
I’d walk you inside so you didn’t have to do it alone.”
I looked at him suspiciously, wondering what he was up to. “If you’re hoping to hurt
Edward by making him see us together, you can just leave Jacob because it’s not going to
work. I’m not playing your games,” I said with irritation. He looked at me with surprise and
laughed.
“Well, honestly, that hadn’t even crossed my mind but now that you mention it…” he
started. I groaned and shook my head.
“Goodbye, Jacob,” I said, turning and starting toward the stadium quickly. I glanced up
when I was a few feet away from the car and froze when I spotted the three girls blocking
the entrance. I recognized them immediately as ones I’d had run-ins with over Edward in
the past. There was no way I could go inside without walking right by them, and that was
the last thing I wanted to do.
“I saw your boyfriend's three favorite whores standing there, so I kind of figured you’d
appreciate an escort walking by the firing squad,” Jacob said, walking up behind me. “But if
you’d rather go alone…”
“No,” I said quickly as the girls glanced over at me, a wicked smile coming on Tanya’s lips.
The girl named Lauren leaned over and whispered something to her and the two of them
laughed, my stomach dropping at the sight. They were definitely up to no good. The third
girl, whose name I faintly recalled being Jessica, had been the one that I overheard Edward
having sex with that day in the house. She hadn’t been mean to me, per se, but she
definitely hadn’t been pleased about the interruption that afternoon. She looked at me with
a curious expression on her face, her eyes shifting toward Jacob in confusion.
“Come on,” Jacob said, reaching over and pressing his hand against my back. I sighed and
started walking, staring down at the ground. We neared the entrance and I heard Lauren
laugh.
“You picking up Cullen’s leftovers, Jacob?” she said. “I didn’t realize you were that
desperate.” Jacob laughed.
“Do you even hear yourself?” he asked, pulling me toward the ticket booth and quickly
paying for two tickets. “You three used to be his main menu, now look at you. If I were
desperate, I’d be over there with you instead. But I’m not… although, you know, if you want
to arrange a little show like you did for Cullen, I might be interested. I heard about the little
slideshow Cullen put together for the school and wouldn’t mind seeing it live.”
My brow furrowed in confusion as the girl named Jessica snorted with laughter, covering
her mouth quickly to silence herself as the other two glared at her angrily.
“Fuck you,” Tanya snapped. Jacob laughed again, as we headed into the entrance.
“Been there, done that. Wasn’t that great, so I’ll have to pass.” My eyes widened in shock
and Jacob pulled me inside the stadium quickly, walking me around toward the side before
any of the girls could say another word. He stopped when he reached the bleachers and
turned around, scanning them as I glanced up and spotted Alice waving at us.
“Thank you, Jacob,” I said, grateful for what he’d done. He waved me off and smiled.
“Don’t mention it,” he said. “Have fun, Isabella.”
He turned and left quickly, jogging over to a group of boys that I recognized as his friends
from the reservation. I sighed and headed up the bleachers, taking a seat beside Alice. She
looked at me questioningly and I sighed. “I ran into him in the parking lot, and there were
some girls out there so he walked me in,” I said, knowing exactly what she was wondering.
She frowned.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve met you out there. It didn’t even cross my mind but I should’ve
known better,” she said. I shook my head.
“It’s no big deal, Alice. I have to get used to being on my own,” I said quietly. She smiled.
“You won’t be on your own,“ she said happily. “You’ll have Edward.”
I smiled sadly at her statement, wishing with everything in me that it were the truth. I
glanced down at the field and spotted him immediately, standing on the sidelines staring at
me. He had a frown on his face and I waved, but he just continued to stare at me. My brow
furrowed in confusion and the coach called his name, drawing his attention away from me.
I watched as he turned and jogged away, putting on his helmet and heading out onto the
field.
Alice and I chatted, and I watched the game in awe. The crowd was rowdy, the excitement
in the air palpable as Edward’s team scored touchdown after touchdown. They were on fire
and it seemed everyone was crediting Edward for that, because every few minutes the
crowd would start chanting for him. He seemed oblivious to it, not at all urging them on or
even taking pleasure in it.
The game came to a close and Edward jetted from the field immediately, heading for the
locker rooms as the crowd descended upon the team to congratulate them. Alice and I
headed over to the grassy area near the locker room to wait on him as the rest of the team
made their way there. Alice's phone rang after a moment and she squealed, telling me it
was Jasper. I told her to tell him "hello" for me as she answered it, and she started
wandering around the area as she enthusiastically talked to him. I smiled and walked over
to the chain link fence, leaning against it and gazing out onto the field as I waited.
I heard a throat clear after a second and turned my head to see Jacob standing behind me.
“I know, me again. I'll leave you alone but I forgot to tell you a joke,” he said. I smiled
softly.
“Well, go ahead then,” I said.
“Did you hear the story about the skunk?” he asked. I shook my head hesitantly.
“No,” I said. He smirked.
“Never mind, it stinks,” he said. My brow furrowed at first before it struck me and I started
laughing. He chuckled and I went to speak when Edward’s voice rang out, as he yelled
Jacob’s name angrily. A chill shot down my spine as my stomach dropped, and I turned
quickly to see him approaching Jacob and me hastily. He was fuming, his hands clenched
into fists and his nostrils flared as he fought to contain himself.
“I don’t want any trouble, Cullen,” Jacob said. Edward laughed bitterly, the sound
frightening me. It must’ve done the same to Jacob because he took a few steps away from
me as Edward approached. I reached out to grab Edward’s arm but he shrugged me off,
reaching out and shoving Jacob.
“Edward, stop,” I said, panicked. Jacob brought his hands up defensively but Edward
slapped them away before shoving him again.
“If you didn’t want any fucking trouble, you wouldn’t be here,” Edward spat, shoving him
again. Jacob stumbled and shook his head.
“Damnit, man, I was just fucking telling her a joke,” Jacob said defensively, his own voice
laced with anger. I couldn’t recall hearing Jacob curse like that before and it frightened me
even more than I already was.
“And what fucking right do you have to do that, huh? What fucking right do you have to
involve yourself? Stay out of my life and leave her alone! Stop trying to use her to get to
me!” Edward snapped. Jacob glared at him angrily.
“Me, use her? If anyone is using her, it’s you! It’s sick what you’re doing to the girl,” Jacob
responded. “You’ve got her fooled into believing you actually give a shit about her!”
Edward’s anger escalated at Jacob’s words and I tensed up as Edward drew his fist back,
swinging forcefully and connecting with his jaw. Jacob’s head snapped to the side as he
stumbled backwards from the blow, blood trickling from his mouth instantly. He reached
up and wiped it away as Edward started shouting.
“I fucking love her, you piece of shit!” Edward spat. “You stay the fuck away from her, she
belongs to me and I’ll be goddamned if I’ll let you take her from me!”
I stared at him in shock and Jacob laughed dryly. “Do you even hear yourself, Cullen?
She belongs to you? You’re fucking sick,” Jacob snapped. “If you really loved her you
wouldn’t say shit like that. If you really loved her, you’d let the girl go!”
His words set Edward off and he pounced on him, pushing him roughly and knocking him
to the ground. Edward jumped on top of him and started pounding him with his fists. I felt
sick as my knees went weak, and I clutched onto the fence to keep myself upright. I started
shouting for someone to help, screaming for Edward to stop as he repeatedly punched
Jacob. Jacob was throwing his own blows, hitting Edward in the face and side as he tried to
get him off of him. Some guys started running toward us when they heard my shouting and
noticed what was happening. They grabbed a hold of Edward and pulled him off of Jacob,
hauling both of them up off of the ground. Edward was fighting to get out of their embrace,
screaming at Jacob about how he was going to kill him, his words frightening me. It had
been a long time since I’d seen Edward so out of control and I started to hyperventilate.
I didn’t like it, any of it. Everything was falling apart around me, my entire world spinning
out of control. Jacob was screaming back at Edward and they both had injuries on their
faces from the assault, Jacob’s significantly worse than Edward's. Edward took a few steps
back, shoving the guys off of him that were holding him back.
“You stay the fuck away, Jacob,” Edward snapped and Jacob’s friends pulled him away. “I
swear to God, boy, I’ll fucking kill you!” Alice sprinted over to us, glancing around
frantically in shock.
“What just happened?” she asked, panicked. I was still hyperventilating and shook my head
quickly, unable to get the words out.
“Jacob fucking happened,” Edward spat, turning to glare at me. “Out of every fucking body,
why the hell does it have to be him? Are you trying to fucking hurt me, Isabella? Is that
what this shit is about?”
I gaped at him as dread coursed through me. “What?” I asked, stunned at his words. He
shook his head angrily.
“You heard me. Are you trying to fucking hurt me? You distance yourself from me, you
barely fucking speak to me. You act so distressed that you don’t even want to sleep beside
me at night half of the goddamn time, and I get it. I fucking get it. You’re hurting. But Jesus
Christ, you can fucking talk to him? You can laugh with him? Is it just fucking me?” he
snapped. His words stung and I stared at him in shock. Alice grabbed a hold of him and
told him to stop, but he yanked his arm from her angrily. “If you’re trying to fucking hurt
me, Isabella, it’s working. I’m fucking hurting. Are you happy? Huh? Are you fucking
happy?”
I shook my head frantically as the tears started streaming from my eyes. “No, Edward,” I
said quickly. I didn’t want to hurt him. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do, and I
was doing everything in my power to keep him from finding out what I knew would hurt
him. “I love you!”
“Do you?” he asked. “I ask you to fucking marry me and you seemed happy for like two
goddamn minutes before you went right back to ignoring me. If you don’t want to be with
me, just fucking tell me.”
“I do!” I said immediately, reaching up to wipe my tears away. “I do want to be with you!”
“Well you have a fucking funny way of showing it,” he spat. “I’ve changed my whole
goddamn life for you. I’d kill for you. Fuck, Isabella, I’d die for you! Why the hell won’t you
just talk to me? I can’t take this shit anymore. Just tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.
Tell me why the hell you can smile and laugh with that motherfucker but you can’t even
look me in the goddamn eyes.”
I shook my head. “I, uh…” I started. “I can’t, I just…”
“You can’t?” he said with disbelief, laughing dryly. “You just don’t fucking get it, do you?
You don’t know what the fuck I’ve given up for you, what I’ve dealt with and got over so I
could be with you. You don’t know what I’ve fucking lost because of you!”
His words hit me hard, anger and pain ripping through me as I gasped. Everything clouded
over as my hand shot out and I smacked him across the face hard, a stinging pain ripping
through my palm and up my wrist. His head snapped to the side and his eyes widened in
shock. It was clear I’d caught him off guard because every ounce of anger that had been in
his expression melted quickly and was replaced with surprise. He brought his hand up to
cup his cheek as I stared at him, panic and fear nearly crippling me when what I’d just done
registered with me.
I covered my mouth quickly as a loud sob escaped and I started backing away from him, a
dozen different emotions swirling through me. His brow furrowed and he took a step
forward, his movement setting me off. I turned and started running for the exit, and I
heard him shout my name behind me but I couldn’t stop. I was baffled and stunned and
needed to get out of there to think. I needed to be away from him so I could sort everything
out and make sense of what had just happened. I heard him yell my name again but I didn’t
dare turn to look, simply shoving past people as I hurried out of the stadium. I ran into
Lauren and accidentally knocked her into Tanya, and she yelled at me angrily but I didn’t
even bother to apologize.
I ran straight for my car and got inside, fumbling in my pocket for my keys. I started the car
up and put it in reverse, pulling out immediately. A horn blared as I nearly ran into another
car and I slammed on my brakes so they could go by, my hands shaking as my body
trembled. I was fighting back sobs but the tears were flowing freely and blurring my vision.
I started out of the parking lot and spotted Edward running for his car, the sight making
my heart pound erratically. I pulled out onto the road and started speeding through town
in a panic.
I was frightened and confused, unsure of where I was going or what I was doing. I drove
through Forks toward the house but knew I couldn’t go there yet. I couldn’t face Edward
yet, not after what had just happened. I needed time to figure things out and I drove
through the streets for a few minutes when it dawned on me that there was one place I
could go that I knew he couldn’t follow.
I sped down the road toward La Push in the darkness, the pain in my chest intensifying
with each passing second. My guilt and shame had reached an all time high and Edward’s
words echoed through my head as I pulled past the “Welcome to La Push" sign. He’d said I
didn’t know what he’d lost because of me, but I did know…
The question was, did he?
I drove around the roads absent-mindedly for awhile, having no idea where I really was or
what I was doing. I spotted the ocean after awhile and pulled the car over alongside the
road, climbing out and walking over to a guardrail. I glanced out and saw the beach across
the way, realizing I was at the cliff that Jacob had indicated he and Edward used to jump
off of for fun. I sighed and climbed over the guardrail, taking a few steps out to look down
at the water. I stood there for a moment as the phone in my back pocket started ringing,
but I ignored it because I knew who it was.
The phone silenced after my voicemail picked up and started ringing again almost
immediately, the cycle repeating itself for a few minutes. It finally stopped and I sighed,
pulling it out and opening it. Seven missed called, all of them from Edward…
I couldn’t keep going as I was going… neither of us could. I needed to talk to someone but I
couldn’t talk to the only person I truly wanted to. I was torn and had no idea what to do,
but I knew I needed to do something. I hesitated, knowing I might have been making my
biggest mistake yet, but scanned through the address book on my phone. I paused when I
reached the listing for ‘J’, contemplating. He’d told me to use it if I ever needed someone to
listen, someone who was on the outside, and at that moment it felt like the exact thing I
needed. I sighed and hit the green call button, my heart pounding furiously as I knew there
would be no coming back from this. It was absurd, and part of me was screaming to hang
up the phone before he answered, but I didn’t. I was doing the one thing I had told Jacob
I’d never be able to do… I was going to trust him.
“Yeah,” Jacob said as he answered. I stood silently, second guessing my decision to call the
moment I heard his voice. Edward’s words were ricocheting through my mind as the guilt
brewed. ‘Are you trying to hurt me?’ he’d said. ‘Why him?’
“Heeelllooooo,” Jacob said. “Is anyone there?” I bit my lip nervously and was about to hit
the button to end the call when he sighed exasperatedly. “Isabella?”
I tensed up when he said my name, closing my eyes. “I, uh…” I started, unsure of what to
say. “I didn’t know where to go, and he was upset and I hurt him, so I just drove and… uh…
I’m in La Push, because I knew he couldn’t come here, and I’m not ready to face him, so I
saw the ocean and got out and…” He sighed again as I rambled on.
“Stay where you are, I'll find you.”
The phone clicked as he hung up and I closed it, about to slip it in my back pocket when it
started ringing again. I reopened it and saw it was Edward, hesitating before pressing the
button to turn the phone off. I frowned, feeling guilty, and put it away.
I took a few steps forward toward the edge of the cliff, glancing down into the ocean. It was
definitely high up but the view was beautiful. The moonlight glowed off of the water as
waves crashed against the rocks, the sounds and smells comforting. It was dark and I
stared into the blackness of the water, soothed by it. I still felt empty, a part of me dying
even more after having hurt Edward.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there before I heard movement behind me, the sound of
rustling as someone approached. I heard him sigh as he stopped a few feet away. “Please
don’t jump,” he said casually. “The water is rough and it’s probably cold and I really don’t
want to go in after you. It’s too dark, I might hit my head on a rock, and I’ve got too much
to live for to go out like that.”
I smiled at his nonchalance. “I’m not going to jump,” I said.
“Good,” he responded, taking a few steps forward to stand beside me. I glanced up at him
and froze, horrified at his face. His eye was swollen and his lip was busted open, bruises
already forming. “It looks worse than it is.”
I nodded hesitantly. “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling guilty that he’d gotten beaten up because of
me. He shrugged and waved me off.
“It’s no big deal,” he said. “It’ll heal. At least he didn't try to fucking shoot me this time. Are
you okay?”
“I guess,” I responded, turning to look back down into the water. “I probably shouldn’t
have called.”
“But you did,” he responded. I nodded.
“I did.” I was quiet for a moment, debating on what to say. “It was my birthday last week.”
He glanced at me with surprise. “Really?” he asked. I nodded. “Well, happy birthday.”
I smiled sadly before muttering the words I had longed to say, the words I wouldn’t dare
speak to Edward or any of them because they’d never understand. They had lost so much
because of me, regardless of whether or not they were aware of it, and speaking the words
would be just as much of a slap in the face as the physical one I had given Edward not long
before.
“There’s nothing happy about the day I was born.”
*****
Ti amerò per il resto della mia vita. – I will love you for the rest of my life.
Non vi è nessun altro al mondo per me. – There is no one else in the world for me
Non so quello che ho fatto per meritare, ma mi passerà il resto della mia vita per
assicurarci che tu sia felice. – I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, but I’ll spend
the rest of my life making sure you’re happy.
Chapter 66 - Knowing
"You know it is love when you want to share everything with her, even her
pain. You know it is love when you can't stop thinking about her. You know it
is love when you'd rather be in a relationship but apart than not in a
relationship at all. But, most of all, you know it is love when your happiness is
dependant upon hers. At least that's how I know." -- Robert Le Branch
The moment her hand connected with my face, fucking shock overshadowed every ounce of
anger I felt. My head snapped to the side as the stinging erupted in my cheek and I brought
my hand up quickly to the source of the pain. It wasn’t that intense, I’d definitely had
fucking worse. Jacob had gotten harder blows in when he was on his back on the ground,
but the fact that she had fucking hit me left me dumbfounded.
My girl… la mia bella ragazza… had fucking hit me.
I was stunned speechless and I gaped at her, unable to remember in that moment what the
fuck we were even fighting for. I couldn’t fucking recall what had driven us to the point
where I was screaming at her in the middle of the goddamn football stadium, having
cornered her to the point that she slapped me. Isabella Swan, the girl I loved more than life
itself and who hated physical violence because she’d been brutally subjected to it, had
reacted so passionately to what I had said that she unleashed on me.
We were fucked.
I had felt it coming for a while and did everything imaginable to fix shit with Isabella. I
made sure Alice kept her birthday low key- which wasn’t a fucking easy task- and had put
some serious fucking thought into her gift. I could’ve just went out and bought her a
goddamn necklace or some other fucking jewelry, but I didn’t, because I knew material shit
didn’t really matter to Isabella. I handed her the papers that essentially freed her, and even
proposed. I, Edward fucking Cullen, proposed marriage. She should’ve fucking been happy,
and I thought she would’ve been, but it did absolutely nothing to keep her from drifting
even further away.
I was fucking losing her, I knew it, and I didn’t like it a bit. It was scaring the shit out of me
because I didn’t know what the fuck to do to stop it. Every day she withdrew further and
further into herself despite my attempts to get her to open up to me. She was lying to my
face, the words just rolling from her lips without even a second thought about it. I barely
fucking recognized her anymore, and even standing beside me it felt like she wasn’t even in
the goddamn room... she was just fucking gone.
I was holding back my anger as much as I could, knowing that flipping out on her wouldn’t
help. She was fragile, falling apart before my eyes, and I would’ve been a fucking asshole to
knowingly deliver the last blow that completely shattered her. I didn’t want to do that shit,
because despite everything that we were going through, I still loved her. I loved her more
than anything in my life, more than the money or the fucking power and respect that I had
at my fingertips. None of that meant a goddamn thing to me, nothing mattered but her,
and I was fucking clinging to that with desperation. It was frightening, because that was
never who I was. I was strong, and fucking independent and didn’t need another goddamn
person to survive.
But I’d grown dependent and needed her.
I’d changed so fucking much for her and as much as I didn’t recognize her, I also didn’t
recognize myself. I was fucking vulnerable and cracking under the pressure of it all just as
much as she was. Our lives were connected to the point that her happiness was my
happiness, and she wasn’t fucking happy. That much was clear as day, and that meant that
I wasn’t fucking happy. My temper was getting the best of me, my anger flaring every time I
turned around, and frankly, I was really fucking starting to get pissed.
I felt like I had to fucking walk on eggshells around her as I blindly navigated a storm. I was
more on edge now than I had been a year ago when my father brought her home, and that
was beyond fucked up. She was my goddamn girlfriend, my fucking fiancée if you wanted
to be technical about the shit, and the tension in the air around us was almost unbearable. I
couldn’t figure out what the fuck was wrong with her and how to bring her back to life, so-
to-speak, and it was driving me to the brink. Every day I got closer to losing the control I
had fought so desperately to maintain, and what I had seen the moment I stepped out of
that locker room had finally done it. I n that moment, as I watched Isabella standing beside
Jacob Black laughing, pain and anger clouded every bit of common sense I had left,
snapping that last thread that was holding me together.
I’d had enough.
My rage consumed me and I had tunnel vision, my eyes fixated solely on that motherfucker
who seemed hell bent on destroying my life. I’d busted my ass trying to get her to fucking
respond and that motherfucker waltzes in and within a matter of moments, he has her
goddamn laughing. It hurt, more than I ever expected something like that to, and as my
jealousy mixed with my already fuming hatred for him, I wanted nothing more than to
make him hurt like I did. I wanted nothing more than to make him fucking pay for all of it.
I nearly blacked out from the intensity of my rage as I charged at him, determined to fuck
his world up just as he was fucking with mine.
I pounded on him as hard as I could, unleashing my anger as I screamed at him. He

screamed back, his fury fuelling my own because he fucking knew nothing about me. He
accused me of using her, but he didn’t fucking know I loved her. He accused me of hurting
her, but he didn’t fucking know I did everything I could to protect her. I could hear Isabella
screaming somewhere in the background but even that wasn’t enough to pull me from my
rage as I beat him with my fists, taking every blow he could manage to throw in stride.
I was still furious when they finally pulled me off of him, my hands shaking from my anger.
I heard Alice ask what happened and her question caused my temper to flare again as I
turned to glare at Isabella. I snapped at her, asking her if she was trying to fucking hurt me
on purpose because I just didn’t get it. I didn’t fucking get how she could be so goddamn
cold to me, the one she was supposed to love, but yet smile and laugh with the
motherfucker that she knew had hurt me. I had told her before that she needed to stay
away from him because he destroyed everything he touched, but she didn’t seem to give a
shit. None of it made sense to me unless she was trying to fucking hurt me. I couldn’t figure
out why the hell she’d do it, what I had done to deserve her treating me that way. I
screamed at her, losing my patience and demanding she fucking tell me what the hell her
problem was. She clammed up once again, her reaction setting me off even further.
I snapped at her and when the intense pain flashed in her eyes from my words, I knew I
had fucked up. I had finally crossed that imaginary line and delivered the blow that would
shatter her.
But I never expected her to fucking hit me.
We both seemed frozen for a moment, staring at each other in shock, and I furiously
searched my brain for something that would help make sense of everything. I couldn’t
fucking believe I had just said what I said, and was stunned that she fucking hit me. I was
hurt and my hands were still shaking from my anger, but I couldn’t seem to move or even
fucking speak. What the hell had happened to us? How the fuck had we gotten to that
point? We had been so fucking happy…
She covered her mouth as a sob escaped and my chest to ached in response. She took a step
away as panic flashed across her face, her movement pulling me from my stupor. She
looked at me like she was fucking afraid of me, and her expression alarmed me. I took a
step toward her, regretting that shit immediately because her anxiety seemed to only
increase with my movement. She spun around and started running for the exit as I yelled
her name, attempting to stop her, but she ignored me. She pushed past people, nearly
fucking knocking that bitch, Lauren, down in her hurry and sprinted out toward the
parking lot. I followed behind her, knowing I was causing a fucking scene but I didn’t give a
shit. I couldn’t just let her fucking run away from me, not after everything that had just
happened.
I made it out of the stadium in time to see her get in her car and start it up, throwing it in
reverse and backing up without any hesitation. She damn near rear-ended someone in her
rush to get away, putting my nerves on edge. She was obviously distraught, not fucking
thinking clearly, and that worried the hell out of me.
I ran to the Volvo and climbed in as she sped out of the parking lot, spotting Alice running
from the stadium toward her car at the same time. I started mine up and pulled out of my
spot, hitting the line of traffic and cursing because Isabella was already gone. I started
laying on the horn, slamming my hands against the steering wheel, fucking irritated that
the goddamn idiots weren’t getting out of my way.
Alice pulled out behind me and the cars finally started fucking moving again, but not
enough to satisfy me. I groaned and made a quick right, driving through the grass and
cutting a car off on the road as I tried to get to the front of the line. They hit their brakes
and blew their horn, and I simply stuck up my middle finger as I slammed the gas pedal
and sped away, not giving a shit about any of those motherfuckers. I flew through the
streets of Forks, doing double the speed limit and passing cars in no passing zones in my
rush to catch her.
I was nearing the house as my phone started ringing and I reached in my pocket quickly to
grab it, nearly losing control of the car in the process. It skidded off of the road but I
corrected quickly as my heart started pounding forcefully, the blood rushing furiously
through my body and echoing in my ears. I glanced at the phone and snapped it open when
I saw it was Alice.
“I’m almost at the house,” I said the moment I answered. Alice sighed loudly.
“What happened, Edward?” she asked, concerned.
“I don’t fucking know,” I said. “Shit’s been tense for a while, I guess because of her mother
or whatever, but she won’t talk to me about it. It was driving me insane, Alice, and I saw
her laughing with Jacob and I just fucking snapped.”
“She’s probably scared,” Alice responded. I laughed dryly.
“You think I don’t fucking know that?” I snapped. “She's afraid of me. Of me, Alice. After
every fucking thing I’ve done for her, she’s afraid of me.”
The pain in my chest intensified as I tried to come to terms with that thought, failing
miserably. I couldn’t get the image of her expression out of my mind, the pure fear in her
eyes as she turned and ran from me. She fucking ran from me…
“She trusts you, Edward,” she said.
“If that’s true, Alice, why the fuck won’t she talk to me? Doesn’t she know that I, of all
people, would fucking understand how she’s feeling? I lost my mother too, you know,” I
snapped. Alice sighed.
“Yes, I know,” she responded. “But so did Jacob, and did you ever stop to think that maybe
you’re a bit irrational when it comes to talking about your mother's death?”
Her words made my temper flare again as I swung a quick right down the driveway to the
house, almost sideswiping a tree in my haste. It clipped my mirror and I cringed.
“Fuck you,” I spat with annoyance. Alice laughed bitterly.
“You’re proving my point,” she said. I rolled my eyes and sped down the driveway,
slamming on my brakes as the house came into sight. My brow furrowed when I saw the
only car sitting out front was my father’s, confusion and distress ricocheting through me
when I realized she wasn’t fucking there.
“She’s not here, Alice,” I said.
“What?” she asked.
“She didn’t go home,” I responded, throwing the car in reverse and pulling back around to
head down the driveway. “I don’t know where the fuck she went but she didn't come
home.”
Alice sighed. “Try calling her,” she said. “I’ll look around.”
She hung up without awaiting my response and I groaned, dialing Isabella’s number. It
rang a few times before the voicemail picked up which didn't surprise me at all after seeing
that look on her face before she ran. I continued to call it on repeat while I drove through
the streets of Forks, hoping she’d fucking cave and answer. I called it for what had to be the
tenth goddamn time and tensed up when it went straight to her voicemail without ringing,
realization dawning that she’d turned the motherfucker off. Dread coursed through me and
I dialed Alice’s number quickly.
“Did you find her?” I asked, panicked when she picked up.
“Not yet,” she answered. “Have you gotten a hold of her?”
“No, she turned her fucking phone off,” I responded, trying to contain my anger but I was
furious and more than a little anxious. Alice sighed.
“I’ll call you back in a minute,” she said, hanging up before I could respond again. I
groaned and continued to drive around Forks, stopping by Demetri’s house where the after
party was. I knew logically she wouldn’t have fucking gone there, because she still didn't
really like being around a lot of people, but I was out of options and didn’t know what to do
or where else to look. I swung my car in his driveway and got out, spotting Ben and Angela
standing along side the house chatting. I walked over to them quickly, my hand frantically
grasping on to my hair in my frustration as I clutched my phone in the other hand.
“You alright, Cullen?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows curiously as I approached. “You look
frazzled, man.”
“Yeah,” I responded. “Well, I mean, no. Whatever. I don’t really fucking know. Have you
seen Isabella at all by chance?”
They both looked at me with surprise. “Uh, no,” Ben said. “Haven’t seen her tonight.
Everything okay?”
I sighed and shrugged, gripping onto my hair tighter. “I don’t fucking know, honestly,” I
muttered, unsure of how the hell to answer that question. I went to elaborate, because I felt
like a fucking babbling idiot, but before I could my phone started ringing. I saw it was Alice
again, excusing myself as I walked back toward the Volvo. I snapped the phone open and
brought it to my ear, my desperation hitting an all-time high. I needed to fucking find her
and know she was okay.
“Any luck?” I asked immediately as I answered. Alice was silent for a moment, which sent
my fear skyrocketing because she was never fucking silent. Alice talked non-stop, never at a
loss for words, and her quietness fucking frightened the shit out of me. “Christ, Alice,
fucking say something.”
She sighed. “She’s safe,” she said simply, relief to washing through me at her words.
“Good,” I responded. “Where’d you find her? Did she go to your house?”
“Uh…” Alice said. “No. She’s down by First Beach.”
I froze when those words hit me, grabbing onto the hood of my car as my hands started to
shake. “What the fuck do you mean she’s down by the beach? Put her on the phone.”
Alice sighed. “I’m not with her…” she started, her words escalating my panic even further.
“You’re not with her? She shouldn’t fucking be left there alone, Alice. It’s dark and she can’t
fucking swim! Are you stupid? That's dangerous!” I snapped.
“Edward, she, uh…” Alice started, sounding flustered. I knew I shouldn't fucking be yelling
at her, because she was helping me, but I was distressed and couldn't seem to calm myself
down. “She’s not alone.”
“What do you mean she’s not alone?” I asked. She didn’t respond for a moment and her
silence was all I needed for the truth to register. She was with him. She’d fucking gone to
him. “Jacob. She’s with fucking Jacob, isn’t she?”
“You should calm down…” Alice started, her words causing my anger to soar.
“Calm down? You expect me to fucking calm down? She pulls away from me, and fucking
turns to that asshole? Fuck that. I’m tired of this bullshit. I’ve given her everything, Alice. I
mean, every fucking thing! And she does this. I’m done with it; I’m tired of it. If this is how
she fucking wants it to be, fine. If she fucking wants to run to him, fine. She’ll fucking
learn,” I said.
“Edward, you know she loves you,” Alice started.
“She sure isn’t fucking acting like it,” I said, feeling the tears forming in my eyes as the pain
in my chest intensified. I was fucking devastated and confused, but I fought it back with
everything I had because the last thing I wanted to do was fucking cry like a little bitch.
“You know, this is exactly why I never wanted to fucking fall in love, why I fought that shit
off. It’s not fucking worth it.”
“You don’t mean that,” Alice said quietly.
“Don’t you fucking tell me what I mean,” I snapped. “I was better off back then than I am
now. I was better off not giving a shit.” My temper flared as Alice started to respond, telling
me I wasn’t right, and I snapped the phone closed in my anger because I didn’t want to
hear that shit. She didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. She didn’t feel how I
felt. She didn’t feel the fucking anger that was threatening to take over or the pain that was
radiating through my body. I felt used and betrayed. Isabella was supposed to fucking love
me, and she just turned on me like everyone else in my goddamn life. Everyone fucking left
me, no one ever truly gave a shit or understood me and for her to refuse to talk to me and
run off to La Push where that motherfucker was made it clear to me she was just like the
rest of them. I didn’t mean shit to her if she could just disregard me like that and not
fucking care about the heartache she was causing me.
I fucking loved her. I gave myself to her, turned my life upside down and would’ve given up
everything for her, and this was how she chose to fucking repay me. My hands were
shaking as the devastation rocked through me, fuelling my rage. I clutched onto my phone
tightly and threw it at my fucking car, screaming profanities as the lump formed in my
throat. My vision clouded over as my hand clenched into a fist, and the need to release my
fucking frustration before the pain crippled me became too intense. I couldn’t let myself
fucking cry... I couldn’t let it break me.
I hauled back and slammed my fist against the windshield of the car, the glass on the
passenger side cracking from the force of the blow. The desolation coursed through me as I
did it again, the windshield starting to cave. I did it once more and it gave way completely,
my fist breaking through as the section of glass shattered. Pain tore through my knuckles as
the jagged glass ripped the skin, a sharp burning sensation shooting up my wrist. I pulled
my hand out quickly and grabbed a hold of it, afraid I was going to break the fucking thing
again, pissing me off even further. I clutched my wrist and screamed, kicking my leg up and
slamming my foot into the passenger side door. The metal buckled and I groaned,
regretting doing it right away as I glared at the dent.
A hand grasped my shoulder, startling me. I shrugged it away and turned around quickly,
my eyes narrowed angrily because someone was fucking touching me. Demetri’s eyes
widened and he held up his hands defensively, taking a step back.
“Relax, man,” he said, glancing between me and the damage to the car with a confused
expression on his face. “Are you alright?”
I laughed bitterly and turned back around, grimacing as I flexed my right hand. The blood
was seeping from the cuts, my knuckles busted up and stinging. "Do I look alright to you?"
I asked in annoyance.
"No. Neither does your car for that matter," he responded. I groaned as I stared at the
damage and he grabbed my shoulder again, but I didn't pull away that time. "Come on, let's
get you a drink. Or a smoke. Or fuck, after that, maybe you just need a piece of pussy."
I rolled my eyes and glanced around, picking my phone up off of the ground. I opened it
and groaned when it didn't light up, noticing the crack in the screen. I popped the battery
out of the back and put it back in, hoping it had just gotten dislodged, but I knew it was
truly broken when it still wouldn't turn on. "Whatever," I muttered with irritation, heading
for the house as I slipped the phone in my pocket. Ben and Angela eyed me warily as I
passed and I paused at the front door, turning to look at Ben on a whim. "You got anything
on you?"
"Uh, yeah, I got some pot... some of that white widow," Ben said immediately. I sighed and
shook my head.
"Do you got any blow?" I asked, needing something fucking hard to take me away from the
bullshit that was echoing through my mind. He froze and stared at me with shock, nodding
his head hesitantly.
"Some," he responded. I walked over to him and held my hand out as he reached into his
pocket and pulled out a tiny Ziploc bag filled with the white powder. He gave it to me and I
reached into my pocket, grabbing my wallet and pulling out a hundred dollar bill. He tried
to shrug me off but I insisted he take the shit, thrusting it in his hand and walking away
before he could argue with me about it. I went inside and walked through the house,
ignoring everyone who acknowledged me because I didn't have the fucking patience for
them. I walked into the bathroom and washed the blood off of my hand, clenching my teeth
as the water made the cuts sting, before heading into the den. I plopped down beside Felix
on the couch with the coffee table in front of it, nodding at him in greeting.
"What's up, Cullen?" he said cheerfully, smirking. "What the fuck happened to your hand?"
"I had an accident," I said. Demetri laughed as he walked into the room.
"Yeah, accidentally beat a hole through your windshield. That shit happens all of the time
to the best of us," he said jokingly. I sighed and didn't bother responding to his sarcasm,
having no intention of fucking explaining myself to any of them. My chest was still fucking
hurting, my mind continually drifting to thoughts of Isabella, and I needed to dull the pain
before it got any worse. They must've sensed I wasn't in the mood for their bullshit because
they both walked out without saying another word to me. I pulled my American Express
card out and was dumping some of the powder out on the table when Tanya, Lauren and
Jessica walked in with Tyler in tow. Tyler eyed me suspiciously as Tanya smiled wickedly.
"Well, lookie who it is," she said. "Edward Cullen. Didn't think I'd see you here."
"Do you ever think?" I responded in annoyance. "I figured you needed to have a brain for
that shit." She narrowed her eyes at me as others around us laughed. I started lining up the
powder as Jessica walked over and carefully sat down on the edge of the couch beside me.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked quietly. I glanced at her and noticed the look of
confusion on her face, my irritation mounting. I was tired of people asking me that fucking
question.
"What do you mean what's wrong with me?" I asked. "There's nothing fucking wrong with
me."
"This isn't like you," she responded, glancing at the coke on the table. I glared at her with
annoyance, wishing she would go the fuck away because she wasn't helping my mood.
"This isn't the first time I've done this, Jessica," I said. "Is it so strange that I just want to sit
here and fucking unwind?"
"Yes," she said confidently. "The old Edward would've done this, but this isn't you."
"I'm still the same fucking person," I said.
"No, you're not," she said. I groaned in annoyance and sat the credit card down, reaching
into my pocket and pulling out a bill. She sighed dramatically and shook her head. "I've
known you a long time Edward, and I know my opinion probably doesn't count but..."
"You're right," I said forcefully, interrupting her. "You don't know a goddamn thing about
my life, Jessica." Her words faltered briefly and she stared at me with a hurt expression on
her face, obviously debating whether or not to bother continuing. I knew I was being an
asshole and I almost felt bad, but the fact of the matter was she didn't know shit about what
I was going through.
"I know that you've been happy with... that girl," she said cautiously. I stopped what I was
doing and stared at her, surprised that she actually had the fucking nerve to try to talk to
me about any of it. "Like I said, I've known you a long time, Edward. I know you never
really, you know, cared about me like that, but I always cared about you. I've liked you
since we were little and I know you treated me like crap, and I'm not going to sit here and
pretend you didn't. I don't even want to know what all of that Italian stuff you've said to me
means because I'm sure whatever it was would only hurt. But I always put up with it
because I thought that was just how you were, and I thought you were happy being that
way. It was always just assumed that to be with Edward Cullen in any way you had to put
up with the attitude. I know that's not true now, because you weren't happy then like I
thought you were. But you were happy with... that girl."
"Isabella," I said. The word hurt to speak and barely made it out through the lump in my
throat, but I didn't like hearing someone referring to her as just a fucking girl. She was
more than that. "Her name's Isabella."
"Isabella," Jessica echoed. "You were different with her, and I wont lie to you. It kind of
hurt, because I always hoped you'd someday want to actually be with me, but I know now
you wont ever want to be. We started messing around years ago and never once did you
ever smile at me like you smile at that... uh, Isabella. She made you really happy."
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, frustrated and still hurting. "She did," I said,
before correcting myself quickly. "She does. Usually, anyway."
Jessica smiled sadly. "You know, the part of me that still cares about you doesn't like seeing
you like this," she said, glancing over at the coke again. "I mean, don't get me wrong... I'd
happily sneak off with you like we used to, but I know that wouldn't be what really makes
you happy and you shouldn't turn into that asshole guy again that does those things,
because that's not who you really are. This isn't you, you know? But like you said, it's not
like my opinion counts or anything."
She shrugged and stood up, turning to walk away. I gripped on to my hair tightly, still
partially frustrated but overwhelmed by the guilt I had almost felt moments earlier. She'd
just been really fucking nice to me and I had never done a goddamn thing to deserve it,
having treated her like shit since the day we met. She had been nothing but sex to me, a
means to get off, and I always had suspicions that she had real feelings for me but just
exploited that for my own gain. "Jessica?" I said. She turned to look at me, raising her
eyebrows curiously. "I'm... uh...fuck. Thank you."
She smiled, despite the fact that I couldn't get a fucking apology out. "You're welcome," she
said, shrugging like it was no big deal but I could see the twinkle in her eyes because I was
actually being nice to her. Michael Newton walked into the doorway and called her name,
excitedly telling her to come play beer pong with him in his already intoxicated state. I
glared in disgust as he staggered off and she sighed. "At least one of us ought to be happy,"
she mumbled.
She rolled her eyes and I chuckled, leaning back against the couch. I closed my eyes and
tried to block everything out and clear my head, wishing that fucking pain would disappear.
I was still confused, having no idea what the hell had driven her to run off to that asshole,
Jacob Black, for consoling and led me back to Demetri's couch with a pile of blow in front
of me. I wondered what the fuck she was telling Jacob, the thought of her confiding in him
causing my chest to tighten as feelings of betrayal swept through me, but there was a part
inside of me that still ached for her pain. I still fucking worried about her, and regardless of
how I felt at that moment I didn't want her to be hurting. She was always so vulnerable and
naive, and despite the fact that my pride screamed for me to deny it, I knew I still fucking
loved her just as much as I had before any of it happened. She was fucking up and I didn't
know why, but after spending so much time with her and getting to truly know her, there
was no goddamn way I could dispute the fact that she loved me back. Against everything
she had been made to believe in life, she opened herself up to me both emotionally and
physically. She fucking surrendered herself to me, gave in to the emotions, and nothing
would change that. I just couldn't fucking figure out why the shit was happening as it was...
What the fuck had happened to us?
I was brought out of my thoughts quickly as weight abruptly landed on me, my eyes
snapping open in surprise. I glared at Tanya sitting on my lap, her mischievous smile and
the twinkle in her eyes annoying me because it was clear exactly what the bitch was
thinking. "What the fuck are you doing, Tanya?" I asked, grabbing her hips and pushing
her off of me. She glared at me angrily as she settled on the couch beside me.
"You are such a little bitch," she said with irritation. "Afraid of pussy these days?"
I laughed bitterly and shook my head. "Just have no interest in yours," I said, sitting up and
stretching.
""Awww, why not?" she asked, a slight maliciousness to her voice. "I figured yours had
moved on, since I saw her with Jacob Black tonight."
Anger ripped through me at the mention of it, my attempts to clear my head of it all failing
thanks to this bitch sitting next to me. She fucking knew how I felt about him and was
trying to goad me. "Shut the fuck up, Tanya."
"Oh, did I hit a nerve?" she asked, still smirking. "Can't really say I blame you for hitting
the coke tonight, I would too." I shook my head and stood up, starting to walk away but
hesitating momentarily. I turned and tossed the baggie of coke onto her lap along with the
rolled up dollar bill.
"You know, help yourself, Tanya," I said. "I've got something better than that shit."
I turned back around and walked out before she could respond, nearly colliding with Alice
when she stepped in the front door of Demetri's house as I attempted to leave. She
narrowed her eyes at me and put her hands on her hips as she blocked my path, glaring at
me angrily. "I would ask what happened to your car but your hand answered that question.
Are you trying to destroy your life, Edward?"
I rolled my eyes at her dramatics and flexed my right hand, trying to fight back the urge to
cringe from the pain and soreness in my fingers. "My hand's fine," I muttered.
"Yeah, well, what are you doing here?" she asked with irritation. "I can't believe you're
partying while your girlfriend is out there somewhere hurting!"
"She's not just somewhere, Alice," I said angrily. "She's in La Push. What do you expect me
to do? I can't exactly fucking go get her."
"So, instead of waiting for her to come back, you're just going to go back to this crap?" she
yelled, the ferocity in her voice startling me. Alice was always the most patient and
understanding of my friends, never fucking giving up on me no matter what, but she clearly
was being pushed to the brink.
"Christ, Alice, I didn't fucking do anything," I snapped back. "I'm completely sober. Yeah, I
fucking beat up my car, whatever. She's the one who fucking walked away here, not me."
She rolled her eyes. "You were never patient Edward, but geez, you weren't exactly a quitter
either," she said with annoyance. I sighed and looked away, tensing up when I saw people
were watching us and clearly fucking eavesdropping. I didn't want them knowing my
goddamn business, because it had nothing to do with any of them.
"I'm leaving," I muttered, brushing by her quickly and walking out of the house. I bumped
into some freshman prick and knocked him down in my haste, but he didn't say a fucking
word to me about it. I headed over to my car, groaning when I saw the extent of the damage
to the windshield, and was about to get in when Alice's voice stopped me.
"You were right on the phone," she said. I turned and looked at her curiously, wondering
what the fuck she was talking about. "You said that out of everyone, you'd understand most
what she was going through. That's true, so why aren't you understanding? All of the
mistakes you made, all of the people you love that you accidentally hurt because you were
hurting... why can't you see? I never lost faith in you, Edward Cullen, because I always
knew you were a good person. What happened to your faith in her?"
I stared at her for a moment but I had no idea what the fuck to say in response, so I just
turned away and got into the car, starting it up and backing out of the driveway. I drove
through Forks, that lump reforming in my throat as I once again tried to fight back the
emotion threatening to take hold of me. I headed straight to the house, my heart dropping
when I saw her car still wasn't there. I parked beside my father's Mercedes and got out,
taking a deep breath as I started for the house. The moment I stepped into the foyer I came
face to face with my father, the smile on his face falling when he took in my expression.
"What happened?" he asked with concern. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, his
eyes widening when he saw the injuries to my knuckles.
"Jacob happened," I mumbled, shutting the front door behind me.
"Damnit, Edward!" he said with anger, walking toward me. "Give me your hand."
I held my hand out to him, grimacing and cursing when he grabbed it roughly. "Christ, take
it easy."
"Stai zitto!" he snapped. "How many times do we have to go through this, Edward?
Seriously, will you never get it? You have to leave that boy alone!"
I pulled my hand away from him and shook my head. "Whatever. Jacob walked away. The
Volvo took a worse beating than him."
His brow furrowed. "You got that from punching your car?" he asked, stunned because he
knew I fucking loved my car and freaked out over a goddamn scratch on it. "Damnit, boy,
what the hell happened tonight? And where's Isabella?"
I groaned. "Christ, I already told you. Jacob fucking happened. As for Isabella, she's
wherever the fuck he is. Ran away with him down to First Beach," I said. The moment the
words rolled from my lips an idea hit me and I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're going to
fucking go get her, aren't you? You can't just leave her down there. She shouldn't fucking be
there."
He stared at me for a moment, obviously contemplating my question. I awaited his

response and he reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "She's free," he
said after a moment. My eyes widened in shock at his response and he sighed. "I can't just
go drag her back here. I don't have the right. In fact, it would be entirely wrong of me. Her
life is her own now and she can have friends, you should respect that..."
"You expect me to fucking respect this?" I retorted. "Respect? He doesn't fucking respect
me, and after what he did to me, I'm supposed to respect their friendship? I'm supposed to
like this?"
"I didn't say you had to like it," he said. "Nor did I say you should respect him, I simply said
you ought to respect her right to make her own choices whether you like them or not."
"I do," I responded defensively. "I'm not that big of an asshole. I tell her all the fucking time
to make her own decisions and get her own opinions."
"Well, then, you should see this as her doing just that," he said casually. I groaned and
pushed past him, heading for the stairs.
"How come no one is fucking taking my side on this?" I mumbled in annoyance, pissed off
that no one seemed to think it was that big of a fucking deal that she was with him. My
father laughed at my response, the sound hitting a nerve because there was nothing fucking
funny about the situation.
"This isn't about choosing sides, Edward. Remember that day we went to the firing range
and you confessed to me your feelings for her? I told you that someday the real world
would creep up on you and you needed to be prepared for it. Well, it seems you've finally
hit that moment. The little bubble the two of you lived in upstairs has finally popped,
whether you know it or not," he said. I laughed dryly.
"Oh, I fucking know it. I knew it the moment she slapped me," I muttered. His eyes
widened with shock.
"She hit you?" he asked, stunned. I nodded and he stared at me for a moment before
grinning, a light chuckle escaping his lips.
"What's so fucking amusing?" I snapped.
He shook his head. "I'm pleasantly surprised," he said, my brow furrowing in confusion at
his response. "Not saying she should've hit you. Of course I don't think that, no matter
what you did. But I'm pleasantly surprised she'd let go and allow such strong reactions. She
may just make it out there in the world, after all."
He turned and walked away, shaking his head and mumbling to himself as he walked into
the kitchen. I stood there for a moment as his words replayed in my mind before turning
and heading up the stairs. I headed straight to the third floor and froze when I stepped
inside the bedroom, the darkness and silence unnerving. I was very rarely in there without
her anymore and had a hard time accepting the stillness of the room. I had never before
had to deal with not knowing where she was or what she was doing, the fact that she was
essentially off on her own accord for the first time making me anxious. I wasn't there to
save her, wasn't around to help her if she needed me and that fucking hurt. That hurt worse
than I thought it would. I felt so fucking helpless, everything entirely out of my hands. I
thrived on being able to keep a grip on my life, always needing to be in control of things,
and I was having to let go of that and just fucking trust that everything would work out. I
had to trust that life wouldn't fuck me over and after everything I had been through, every
fucking thing we had been through, it was hard to have faith in that.
I turned on the light and glanced around, sighing. She had cleaned up before coming to the
game, everything in it's right spot. I lingered around the room for a bit, pulling out some
weed and smoking a joint to try to calm my frazzled nerves. Every second that ticked by
increased my anxiety, especially with my phone fucking broken. She could've been hurt or
trying to call me and I wouldn't have fucking known, the thought causing my hands to
shake with alarm. I was trying to fucking distract myself and started wandering the house,
fighting back the urge to get back in the car and leave.
I ended up in the library and walked over to the large window, glaring out into the yard. It
was where Isabella spent most of her time, just fucking staring out into the darkness. I
stood there and wondered what it was she thought about as she did it, wondering if her
mind was just as blank as she stared outside as the blackness was. It was bothering the fuck
out of me and I desperately needed to know what the hell worried her so much.
I sighed and turned away from the window, taking a few steps over to the chair she usually
sat in. I sat down and glanced around, spotting the book on the table that she seemed to
always fucking have. I grabbed it and glanced at the cover, seeing it was leather-bound and
worn, but otherwise blank. No title, no author... nothing. I sighed and opened it, flipping
through the pages quickly. My brow furrowed when I saw the handwriting covering the
withering paper and I flipped through a few more pages, confusion hitting me when I saw
the dates aligning the top indicating it was fucking written in the 1990's. It looked like a
diary of some sort and my heart started pounding forcefully as sickness brewed in my
stomach, my eyes scanning a page quickly. I felt the bile rising up as the pain tore through
me when the words Isabella, slave, free and Phoenix stuck out at me, devastation rocking
through me when I saw my mother's name signed at the bottom. I clutched onto the book
tightly and fought back the tears that started forming, dread and fear hitting me so intense
I nearly lost my breath.
She fucking knew.
In that moment, as I sat there clutching that book, it all fucking made sense. Why the hell
she had started pulling away from me, why she wouldn't tell me what was wrong with her.
Why she didn't feel like she could turn to me when she was obviously in pain, why she was
so distraught that she fucking couldn't even look me in the eyes half of the time. After
everything I had done to protect her from the truth, to keep her from having to know, she
had fucking found out anyway.
I nearly started hyperventilating in a panic when I thought about everything I had said to
her in the past about the anger I felt for the people who caused my mother's death. I
couldn't even begin to imagine what the hell she must've been thinking when she
discovered it was her who my mother had died trying to save. The guilt she had to have
been feeling, the shame and unworthiness she might've been enduring. I realized in that
moment that I should've fucking told her, that I should've followed my father's advice
because she should've found out from me. I had assumed she was so distraught over her
own mothers death, never once even considering the fact that was she was actually grieving
over mine.
My mind worked a million miles a minute, thoughts furiously running through my head as
I tried to sort through shit. My chest tightened when I recalled what the fuck I had said to
her at the stadium before she slapped me and ran away, the words I had screamed angrily
to her face.
'You don’t know what I’ve fucking lost because of you'
My hands started to shake and I dropped the book in my panic, realizing exactly why she
had looked at me with so much fucking fear in that moment. Why she had been so
desperate to get away from me that she'd run to La Push. She fucking did know what I had
lost because of her, and she was fucking afraid of me finding out. She didn't run to Jacob
like I assumed, she was fucking running from me. She panicked because of what I'd said
and what she knew, and went to the only place she knew of that I couldn't fucking follow
her to.
Fuck that.
I jumped up and sprinted out of the room, pulling my keys out of my pocket as I flew down
the steps two at a time. I was cursing under my breath, knowing I was doing something I
would possibly really fucking regret later, but I had to go to her. I had to see her, talk to her
and tell her that I understood. I needed her to know I didn't fucking blame her for what
happened, that I loved her and she didn't have to be afraid of me.
I hit the second floor and spotted my father walking out of his office, the sound of my
frantic footsteps drawing his attention. He looked at me with confusion but I ran right past
him, heading for the steps leading to the foyer.
"Edward, wait," he said, taking a step toward me but I didn't stop. I continued to run and
he started following, shouting my name but I ignored him. I hit the foyer and swung the
front door open, running out toward my car. I unlocked it quickly just as he stepped out
onto the porch, glancing up and seeing the look of concern on his face. He obviously
fucking knew exactly where I was planning on going. "Don't you dare!"
I sighed and hesitated for a brief second, wondering if I should heed his warning, before
simply getting in the car and starting it up. I turned the car around and headed down the
driveway in a hurry, swinging on to the main road leading toward La Push. I gunned it
when I hit the paved road, seeing headlights flash behind me after a second. I glanced in
the rear view mirror and groaned when I saw my father's Mercedes accelerating behind me,
knowing he wasn't just going to let me fucking go that easily.
I pressed down harder on the gas pedal and sped down the highway in the darkness, my
heart pounding rapidly and my hands shaking as I clutched on to the steering wheel. I was
trying to fucking calm down but it wasn't working, my chest tightening from my panic. I
felt guilty for how I had acted toward her, for how I pressured her and yelled at her. She
was distressed, the guilt probably eating her alive like I always fucking knew it would if she
ever found out the truth, and I hadn't fucking helped that at all. I had lashed out and
doubted her, going so far as to saying she wasn’t fucking worth it knowing goddamn well
she was. No matter what the fuck happened, she would always be worth it and it was sick of
me to fucking even think otherwise. What kind of goddamn person was I?
I held my breath as I flew past the 'Welcome to La Push' sign, knowing I'd fucking reached
the point of no return. I sped through the reservation near the shoreline looking for
Isabella's silver Audi. My father wasn't far behind me the entire time, his car keeping pace
with mine. I had no idea what the fuck was going to happen, what kind of scene it was
going to cause when I was discovered there, but I couldn't worry about the consequences. I
just needed to find her, no matter the fucking cost.
I swung around a curve up near the cliffs and slammed on the brakes when I caught a
glimpse of the vehicle I was looking for. The Volvo skid to a stop on the shoulder of the
road, nearly clipping Jacob's car in the process. I jumped out as the Mercedes pulled up
behind me, glancing around in concern, unsure of where the fuck they were. I leapt over
the guardrail and started through the trees and brush toward the cliffs, my heart pounding
furiously. I neared the clearing and froze when I saw them a few feet away, Jacob's eyes
falling on me immediately. I saw the flash of fear in them and Isabella must've seen it too,
because her head snapped in my direction. She got a panicked expression on her face when
she spotted me and I started toward them, calling her name. She frantically took a step
away in confusion and I tensed up when she neared the edge of the cliff, her foot skidding
on a rock and nearly sending her tumbling. I yelled in concern and Jacob grabbed a hold of
her before she fell, pulling her back from the cliff.
"Whoa, what did I tell you?" he said with alarm. "I'm not going in after you, girl."
Isabella glanced at him quickly before turning back to me with a look of fright, and I could
see her body trembling from where I stood. "Edward," she said, her voice shaking and
sending a jolt of pain through my chest. It hurt to fucking hear the distress in her voice, and
I had to fight back the anger that threatened to explode from me at the sight of him
touching her.
I held up my hands in an attempt to show them I meant no fucking harm, unsure if they'd
even believe the shit. "I'm not here for a fight," I said seriously. Jacob looked at me
suspiciously, his eyes darting around the area.
"What are you doing here, Cullen?" Jacob asked. "Seriously, you know you aren't allowed to
be here."
"Look, fuck, I know," I said quickly, hearing the trees rustling behind me. I turned my head
briefly as my father approached, my panic escalating. "You can press charges if you want, I
don't give a shit. Send me to fucking jail for all I care. I just... I need to fucking talk to her."
Jacob glanced at Isabella. “Don’t you think if she wanted to talk to you she would’ve gone to
you?” he asked. “You can’t give her some damn space?”
I sighed and ran my hands down my face in frustration. “It’s important, alright? I’ll fucking
leave, I will, I just need to talk to her first,” I responded, focusing my attention on Isabella.
She was staring at me apprehensively, obviously unsure about the entire situation. “Please,
Bella? Just a few minutes.”
She nodded hesitantly. “Okay,” she said softly, her voice barely audible.
“You know you don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Jacob
chimed in, making the anger inside me brew as I fought to hold it back as much as I could.
Who the fuck did he think he was, intervening in my goddamn life?
“I know,” she responded simply. My father stepped out of the trees behind me and sighed
with annoyance. I glanced at him and saw the look of impatience on his face, knowing he
was fucking pissed to have to be there.
“Jacob,” he said, nodding in greeting. “It’s nice to see you again, despite the situation we
find ourselves in.” He cut his eyes at me with irritation. “I’m hoping we can come to a
pleasant resolution that doesn’t require law enforcement.”
Jacob shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes going back and forth between Isabella and me. “No
blood, no foul, I guess,” he said. “Well, this time, anyway. I’m not even really surprised. I
had a feeling he’d show up eventually. Just make sure you take him with you when you
leave and he doesn't come near my house.”
I rolled my eyes as my father agreed and thanked Jacob for his cooperation. Jacob glanced
at Isabella and reached out to gently rub her arm, the sight making me even angrier but I
fought it back. I knew lashing out wasn't going to help any of us. “Take care,” he said. “You
know how to reach me if you need me.”
She smiled softly and nodded, her eyes nervously darting to me as she said goodbye and
thanked him. He turned and walked into the trees and my father lingered there for a
moment, obviously displeased.
“We’re going to talk about this,” he said pointedly, his eyes fixated on me. I nodded but
didn’t bother to speak, knowing it would just cause a fucking argument because he
wouldn’t give a shit what my reasoning was. He turned and walked away after that, leaving
Isabella and me alone. I slowly walked toward her and she watched me cautiously, her body
tense as I approached. I paused in front of her and sighed, unsure of what to fucking say. I
needed to tread lightly so she didn't panic -- that was the only thing I was sure of as we
stood there looking at each other in silence.
“I, uh… I know,” I started, her brow furrowing in confusion as she eyed me. “I know what
you know, what you read.”
It took a second for it to register, a horrified expression flashing across her face as she took
a step back instinctively. “Oh, God,” she said, sounding alarmed. Her eyes darted around
frantically and she looked like she was about to fucking run from me in fear once again, so I
shook my head quickly and reached out to stop her. I grabbed her arm as she turned and
she flinched away from me, her movement causing the pain in my chest to intensify.
“Fuck, stop, I already knew,” I said quickly. “I’ve known you were the one she was trying to
save for a while, Bella.”
She looked at me with shock. “You… knew?” she asked. I nodded and let go of her arm,
running my hand through my hair anxiously.
“Yes, I knew. I’ve known for a few months,” I responded.
“And you didn’t tell me?” she asked quickly, sounding upset. “You knew that it was me and
you kept it from me?” She stared at me with confusion and hurt, and I could see her eyes
brimming with tears.
“I was trying to protect you,” I said.
“You were trying to protect me?” she asked, raising her voice. “You didn’t think that I
should know?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you and I knew knowing would fucking hurt you,” I said, trying to
explain. “It wasn’t right to do that to you, to put you through that shit. I didn’t see the
point…”
“You didn’t see the point?” she asked with disbelief. “Your mother died because of me and
you didn’t see the point in telling me? I destroyed your life, Edward!”
“Christ, Bella, you were fucking four years old when she made her choice,” I said. “You
didn’t do anything wrong.”
She shook her head as the tears started falling down her cheeks. “I took your mother from
you,” she said, her voice cracking.
“No, you didn’t,” I responded. “The person who pulled the trigger took her from me. You
weren’t to blame for that shit.”
She stared at me with uncertainty. ”You’re wrong,” she said, reaching up to wipe her tears
that were steadily flowing. “If I didn’t exist, none of this would’ve happened. How can you
even look at me, Edward? How could you ever love me after that?”
“How can I not fucking love you, Bella?” I said. “The simple fact that you were so special to
my mother that she’d risk her own life for you is reason enough to fucking care. I won’t lie
to you. It hurt when I first found out, but that shit just confirms everything I ever believed
about you. I’ve told you so many times that I’d die for you, so how the hell could I blame
you for my mother feeling the same way?”
“It shouldn’t have happened,” she said. “I’m not worth it.”
“Don’t you say shit like that,” I said forcefully. “You are fucking worth it, and nothing will
ever change my mind about that. You can’t just fucking shut down and pull away from
everything because of this. I’ve fought for you, my mother fucking fought for you, so that
you could have a real life, and you can’t just throw that shit away by not fighting for
yourself.”
“But you said…” she started, but I shook my head quickly and cut her off.
“There aren’t any fucking ‘buts' about it, Bella. I know what I said in the past, but I was just
fucking angry and hurt. We all say and do shit when we’re upset that we don’t mean,” I
said. “I don’t regret a damn thing that has happened, and you shouldn’t either. It fucking
sucks, but I’ve dealt with it. I’ve lost too damn much as it is, I don’t want to lose you, too.”
She wiped her eyes and choked back a sob, staring at me with a flurry of emotions. I
reached out and grabbed her arm again, and that time she didn’t flinch as I pulled her into
a hug. I wrapped my arms around her and she gripped on to me with desperation as her
sobs grew louder.
“Fuck, tesoro, you know I love you. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with us or how
the hell we’re going to get over this, but we need to because we can’t let this shit destroy us.
I get why you didn’t tell me what was wrong- I hate it but I understand- but you can’t shut
down on me. I’m fucking miserable without you,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “For all of it. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me,” I said. “I don’t blame you for any of it.”
“You should,” she said quietly through her sobs. I sighed and squeezed her tighter, the pain
in her voice making my heart ache.
“What did I say about saying shit like that?” I asked. “I don’t fucking blame you so you
shouldn’t blame yourself. We’re going to work through this somehow. I don’t know how
yet, but we’ll figure it out. How many times have you told me that we’re survivors? It’s what
we do, and we’ll continue to do it. We’ll survive this shit.”
I stood there and held her for a while as she tried to get her emotions in check, comforted
by having her in my arms. I wasn’t naïve, though, and I knew we had a lot of fucking work
to do in order to get back on track. Simply acknowledging we both knew the truth wasn’t
going to fix things between us. It had gotten too far out of hand for that, had eaten away at
both of us too much to just fucking forget it happened. The anger I'd been feeling still
lingered, and I knew damn well telling her not to blame herself wouldn't be enough to
make whatever guilt she felt magically fucking disappear.
She finally pulled from my embrace, her cheeks stained with tears and her eyes bloodshot. I
could still see the apprehension as she gazed at me, obviously fucking worried about what
was going to happen next, but I was relieved to at least see the fear was gone.
I reached out and wiped her cheeks with my fingertips, sighing. "You know it's dangerous
up here on these cliffs," I said. "You could've fucking fallen in or something." She smiled
softly.
"You used to jump from these cliffs," she said. My eyes widened in surprise that she knew
that.
"Jacob tell you that?" I asked. She nodded and I chuckled. "Yeah, I used to be really fucking
reckless."
"You still are," she responded. "Coming here was reckless. You could've gotten in serious
trouble."
I shrugged. "Yeah, well, I didn't," I said simply. There was a moment of silence, an
awkward tension mounting around us with so much still left unspoken. "So I know why you
came to La Push, but how did you end up on the cliff with Jacob? And how the hell did
Alice know you were here?"
She sighed and turned her head to look out at the water, fidgeting nervously. "I just pulled
over here randomly, didn't really know what I was doing or where I was going. I was hurt
and you kept calling and I didn't know what to do about it after what happened. I didn't
know who to talk to but I needed to talk to someone."
"You couldn't talk to Alice?" I asked, interrupting. "I understand why you wouldn't tell me,
but Christ, Alice would've listened."
"I couldn't burden Alice like that," she said. "It would've put her in an awful position, where
she'd either have to keep secrets from Jasper or be the one to break his heart by telling him,
and I didn't want to do that to her. She knew we were out here because she called Jacob's
phone to see if he'd seen me, and he told her I was all right so she wouldn't worry. That was
how Jacob knew where I was, too. I, uh... I called him."
I stared at her with shock, her words striking a nerve. "How the hell did you call him? You
don't have his..." I paused and narrowed my eyes at her. "You have his fucking phone
number, Bella?"
She eyed me cautiously and nodded, chewing on her lip nervously. "He put it in my phone
that day Emmett took me to the beach. I swear I never called him before or anything, and I
never thought I ever would."
"Why didn't you fucking tell me?" I asked, pissed that she had been keeping things from
me.
"Because I knew you'd be angry, like you are now, and I didn't want to cause more
problems," she said. "I should've deleted it but I just... I don't know... something told me to
just leave it there."
I had to fight back the urge to yell or scoff at her statement, irritated and almost fucking
offended by it. "But him, Bella?" I asked. "After everything that I told you about what he
did to me, how he ran his mouth about my mother, you'd talk to him about her? I don't
fucking get it."
"I didn't talk to him about your mother, Edward. I can't believe you'd think I'd do that," she
responded, sounding hurt by my accusation. "I would never betray you like that, I love
you."
"What did you talk about then?" I asked, not understanding. She shrugged nonchalantly.
"We talked about his mom," she said. "Jacob feels guilty for his mother's death. He's always
felt like it was his fault."
"Yeah, I know," I said. "She died in a car accident, roads were wet and it was raining hard,
she lost control or hydroplaned or something. The only reason she was driving was because
he threw a fit about wanting something and she went to go get it for him. We used to talk
about that shit."
She nodded. "I know how he feels," she said quietly. I sighed and ran a hand through my
hair, not entirely happy about the turn the conversation took.
"Yeah, I guess I do, too," I mumbled.
"I know you do," she responded. "But I don't feel like I'm disappointing Jacob by feeling
guilty. I don't feel like I owe anything to him."
My brow furrowed. "You don't owe me anything," I said with confusion, hurt she'd fucking
think that. She glanced at me and smiled sadly.
"Don't I?" she asked. "After what happened to your mom and what your family has gone
through to save me, don't I owe it to you to live my life to the fullest?"
"Uh, I guess," I said, unsure of how to fucking respond to that question. She nodded and
turned to look down at the water.
"That's why I feel like a disappointment. I feel guilty for having ever been born sometimes,
Edward," she said. I started speaking, to tell her that was fucking ridiculous, when she cut
me off. "I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me not to say that kind of stuff
and I don't want to say it to you, because it's not right after what happened to give me this
life. Not saying it doesn't change the way I feel, though."
I stood silently gazing at her for a second, trying to make sense out of what she was telling
me. "But you could say that shit to Jacob without feeling bad."
"Yes," she said. "I told him there was nothing to celebrate about the day I was born,
because I didn't feel like I should even exist, and instead of telling me I was ridiculous and
to stop saying that stuff, he just said 'that sucks'. That's it. 'That sucks'. There was nothing
deep about it, but it made me feel better because those words told me I was entitled to feel
how I felt. I didn't feel regret over my guilt, didn't feel like I was disappointing him by
saying it. I'm not even sure if he really even cared how I felt, but he listened anyway."
"Yeah," I said, remembering back to when I was younger and would have talks about our
guilt and anger over our mothers dying and how he never once tried to tell me how the fuck
to think or feel. "That sounds like Jacob."
She glanced at me again. "I know what he did to you was wrong, and I'm sorry if I hurt you
by talking to him. I didn't mean to, and would never do anything intentionally to upset you,
Edward. It's just... no matter what his motives were, Jacob went out of his way to make me
laugh sometimes. He was kind to me and tried to keep those girls you go to school with
from hurting me when you weren't around. He never once asked me for anything or
expected anything from me, and he offered to listen if I ever needed someone to listen. And
tonight I just... needed someone to listen."
Her voice trailed off at the end and she frowned, the guilt plain as day on her face. I felt
selfish that she was obviously hurting and trying to sort through shit, and I was only
thinking about myself and my own grudge. Isabella had saved me, had pulled me from the
darkness and brought me back to life, and I was acting like I'd rather see her fucking drown
than talk to someone I didn't like. I didn't trust Jacob at all and seriously questioned his
motives, but I realized as I stood there gazing at her that everyone had been fucking right.
My father told me if I loved her I needed to respect her right to make her own decisions,
and even though I just wanted to protect her I had to let her make her own fucking
mistakes. And Alice... Alice asked me why I didn’t understand and where my faith in her
was.
Where was my fucking faith in her?
"You know he fucking hates me," I said after a moment, unsure of what else to say about
the subject. She shook her head.
"No he doesn't. He's hurt and angry, but he doesn't hate you, Edward," she said. "In fact, I
think he misses your friendship."
I laughed dryly. "He says some bad shit about me, Bella," I said. She glanced at me and
smiled, nodding.
"He does, sometimes. But like you said a few minutes ago, we all say things that we don't
really mean when we're hurt and confused and upset," she responded.
"You seriously think he doesn't mean the shit?" I asked almost with amusement. She
nodded.
"I think he is just confused. He doesn't know you any more, Edward. You know, he told me
you're the only person he ever talked to about his mom dying. He has all of these friends on
the reservation but he doesn't feel like any of them understand him. The two of you used to
confide in each other, and now you have me but who does Jacob have? No one. And I'm not
saying you should pity him or anything because maybe it's his own fault..."
"Maybe, my ass," I chimed in. She paused and sighed.
"Okay, so it's his own fault. But the fact is, he's really alone and I can understand why
maybe he's jealous and doesn't want to accept that you've actually changed because he
hasn't. He doesn't want to believe that you're not the same troublemaker you used to be
because then that means he really is alone now. He's troubled even more now that he lost
the only real friend he felt he had," she said.
"What makes you think he's troubled?" I asked curiously. She shrugged.
"He got expelled from school," she said. "He kept getting into trouble and they finally got
tired of it and expelled him. He was talking about leaving, just running away and starting
over away from everything now that he's eighteen. It reminded me of us, how we talk about
starting over with a clean slate. People who aren't broken don't usually do that, do they?"
I stared at her with surprise. "I guess they don't," I answered. "People don't usually leave
their lives behind unless they're pretty fucked up."
"Yeah. I used to wonder if Jacob only talked to me to get to you, and I still do in a way but
not because he wants to hurt you like I once thought. I think Jacob started seeking me out
because I was a connection to you. Maybe that's stupid, but I guess it kind of seemed like I
wasn't the only one that needed someone to listen tonight. I think he talked more than I
did," she said softly. "I, uh... I did tell him that you freed me, though."
"I didn't free you, Bella. My father did," I muttered. She shook her head and turned to look
at me.
"Dr. Cullen got the paperwork for me, but you're the one who freed me, Edward," she said.
"You gave me life."
I smiled softly and saw the tears starting to form as she gazed at me. She reached her hand
up after a moment and hesitated briefly before palming my cheek. I could see the shame in
her eyes as she started to cry again. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice cracking as she
tried to fight back the tears. "I shouldn't have done that. I can't believe I... I hit you."
I sighed and covered her hand with mine. "Don't apologize. I've definitely been hit harder-
it barely even hurt. It actually took a lot of fucking nerve and in a way I'm kind of proud. I
mean, you took up for yourself and I probably would've fucking hit me too. I kind of
deserved it."
"No one deserves it, Edward," she said. "I should've known better. I mean, me, of all
people..."
"It's not that big of a deal and don't beat yourself up about it. I mean, Christ, didn't we
fucking talk about people doing things they don't mean when they're hurt and angry twice
now? Do we need to talk about that shit again?" I asked. She shook her head hesitantly and
I smiled as we gazed at each other for a few moments in silence. "You wanna go home and
get some sleep? It's been a long fucking night."
She agreed so I took her hand, linking our fingers together as I led her through the trees
and toward the cars. "I'll follow you to the house, okay?" I asked Isabella.
She nodded and pulled her hand from mine, starting toward her Audi. She glanced over at
my Volvo and her footsteps faltered as she gasped. “What happened to your car?” she asked
with concern. I sighed and held up my hand so she could see the cuts as well as the bruised,
swollen knuckles. “I thought that was from your fight with Jacob."
I shook my head. "The windshield gave me more trouble than that prick did," I responded.
She stared at me for a moment before shaking her head and walking away, mumbling to
herself. I ran my hand through my hair nervously and walked over to the Volvo, climbing in
and starting it up. I followed her through La Push and back toward Forks, trying to keep
my patience and come to grips with things as she drove under the speed limit. We reached
the house and headed inside quietly, both of us quite sullen as the recent events weighed on
us.
We went straight upstairs and I hesitated when we reached the third floor, telling Isabella
to go in the bedroom and I'd be there shortly. I watched as she disappeared inside and
strolled over to the library, grabbing the diary off of the floor. I headed down the stairs
quietly to the second floor, walking over to my father's office. I tapped on the door gently
and heard him holler for me to come in, so I opened it slowly and stepped inside. He was
sitting behind his desk and glared at me with annoyance.
"You're really making my night hell, Edward," he said.
"Yeah, well, I've got something that's either going to make it all better, or it's going to just
make everything worse," I said, walking over to his desk and dropping the diary on top of
the stack of paperwork he'd been going through. He watched me, irritation in his
expression at my obvious disruption.
"What's this?" he asked, picking it up.
I laughed dryly. "What, you don't recognize my mother's diary?" I asked. He froze as he
gazed at it, a look of shock coming across his face. He opened the book in front of him and
scanned a few pages quickly, closing his eyes and sighing when he took in the handwriting.
"Is this the book she's been reading?" he asked quietly. I nodded.
"Yes. I don't know what all is in it, or how much she read, but it's why she's been the way
she has. She knows the truth. I don't know how it ended up in the library, but that's where
she found it," I said.
"I knew your mother kept one but I always figured it was somewhere up in the attic with
the rest of her belongings. Never even struck me that it might've been in with the books,
but then again I don't touch any of them so I wouldn't have known," he said.
"Yeah, well, it was. So there you go. I have no desire to read it, and I don't think she should
read any more of it, so do whatever you want with it. But that's why I went to La Push, and
maybe that pisses you off and if you want to yell at me, go ahead and fucking yell. But I
don't regret going after her, because I clearly remember you telling me she'd need to hear
from me that I didn't blame her, and after not listening to you all those other fucking times
I figured this was important enough to maybe take your advice. You know... since you seem
to know what the fuck you're talking about sometimes," I said. He glanced up and stared at
me for a moment before his eyes drifted back down to the book. He ran his hand over the
leather-bound cover, sighing.
"Thank you," he said quietly. I nodded.
"Yeah, you're welcome. I'm going to go to bed now," I mumbled, turning and walking out. I
heard him say 'goodnight' as I left but didn't linger enough to say it back, heading straight
up to the bedroom. Isabella was already changed into pajamas and curled up in the bed. I
stripped out of my clothes and climbed in beside her under the covers, wrapping my arms
around her to pull her close to me. She snuggled up against my chest and closed her eyes,
drifting off to sleep quickly because of her exhaustion. I lay in the darkness and held her,
unable to shut my mind off.
Everything had fallen apart, our relationship nearly shattering as a result, but now we
could start to put everything together since we finally had all of the pieces. Everything was
out in the open, and there was nothing left to tear us apart since there were no more
secrets.
Well, except for the fact that she was a principessa della mafia, of course... but there was no
reason to ever fucking tell her that shit.
*****
Stai zitto = shut up
Chapter 67 Thieves
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and
fear of the future.” - Fulton Oursler
I stood by the kitchen window and gazed out into the front yard, my eyes fixated on the
silver Volvo in the driveway. The damage to it appeared even worse in the daylight, the
windshield completely destroyed. The passenger side was caved in from where his fist had
pounded against it and even from where I stood I could see the small streaks of red blood
that had poured from his knuckles. There was a large dent in the passenger door that I
hadn’t even been aware of, the sight of the wreckage causing both my guilt and shame to
flare. He loved his car and had told me numerous times that it was one of his most prized
possessions. He was so protective of it that he refused to allow anyone to drive it, even me,
but I had hurt him to the point that he simply hadn’t cared about any of it anymore. His
pain had caused him to destroy something that mattered to him, and as I peered at the
battered vehicle I realized that was exactly what I had done to Edward.
I hadn’t meant to hurt Edward, but my intentions didn’t really matter when it came down
to it. The fact was that I had hurt him, and just as the Volvo hadn’t magically fixed itself
overnight, I knew it would take work to heal Edward, as well. Neither of us could just forget
about it all and simply move on, no matter how much we may have wanted to.
“I woke up alone,” the familiar velvety voice rang out behind me, drawing me from my
thoughts. I turned around and saw Edward standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his hair
disheveled and his flannel pants slung low on his hips. He was shirtless and barefoot, still
appearing to be half asleep.
“You looked peaceful and I didn’t want to wake you,” I said quietly, gazing at him. My eyes
drifted down toward his hand and I noticed the bruising on his knuckles had grown darker
and they were very obviously swollen. I hoped he hadn’t caused permanent damage or
done anything that would affect his ability to participate in football, because I knew the fact
that he had a chance to play in college meant a lot to him. I couldn’t bear to think that I’d
potentially taken part in ruining the one thing he had finally allowed himself to strive for.
“My hand’s fine,” he said quietly after a moment, noticing my attention focused on it. I
smiled sadly at him as he flexed his fingers and tensed up, his jaw rigid as he fought back a
grimace. His hand was very clearly not fine, but I didn't argue with him about it since he
obviously didn't want it fussed over.
We stared at each other in silence for awhile, an awkward tension surrounding us. There
was so much that still needed to be said to clear the air but I had no idea where to start, all
of it overwhelming. The events from the night before played out in my mind as I stood
there, my guilt running rampant through me. The dull ache in my chest that had been
present ever since our trip to Phoenix intensified as I thought about how I had hit him, just
trying to imagine how my fleeing to La Push had made him feel. I knew he had to have
been confused and in pain when he realized where I’d gone... the sight of the vehicle parked
outside could attest to that.
I recalled his words in the football stadium, the anguish in his voice something I knew I
wouldn’t soon forget. He had wanted to know if I was doing it on purpose, if I was trying to
hurt him because it was clear that was exactly what I'd been doing. I had been so desperate
to hide what I had learned and caught up in my own distress that I hadn’t realized what I
was really doing to him until it was too late. Withholding what I knew was hurting him
worse than any amount of truth ever could. I had pulled away from him in an attempt to
save him from ever having to feel that pain, not realizing that my doing so was what would
affect him most. Edward had lost so much in life, and regardless of whether or not he knew
the facts surrounding her death, his mother wasn’t coming back. Hearing the truth
would’ve been hard for him, but in the end nothing would have changed.
Pulling away from him, however, had changed things.
It wasn’t until I’d spoken with Jacob, standing on that rocky cliff in the middle of the night
in La Push, that it had dawned on me exactly how dependent Edward had allowed himself
to become. It was hard for me to reconcile the inconsiderate, rebellious boy who hurt
everyone that tried to get close to him with the Edward I had fallen in love with, but
hearing Jacob talk about their friendship had finally really merged the two together for me.
Their bond had been deeper than I originally thought and I understood why Edward had
lashed out as fiercely as he had when Jacob betrayed him. He allowed someone inside the
walls he had built to protect himself, allowed that person to truly see his pain, and in turn
they took the knowledge of what they’d found there and used it against him. He had
opened himself up to Jacob’s friendship, only to have Jacob turn his back on him.
Standing in the kitchen, taking in Edward's disheveled and broken appearance, I realized
that I had basically done the same thing to him. I’d left Edward open and vulnerable after
tearing down his walls and had abandoned him when he needed me. It was no wonder he
had reacted the way he did.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out abruptly as my eyes filled with tears.
“I’m sorry,” he said at the same time, his voice echoing both my words and my distress.
He ran his hand through his hair nervously, wincing from the pain. “Why are you sorry?”
he asked curiously.
“You’re hurt,” I whispered. He groaned.
“I told you, Isabella. My hand is fine,” he said, a slight annoyance to his voice. I sighed and
shook my head.
“Not your hand. You,” I said quietly. “I only thought about how much telling you would
hurt you, but I never thought about what not telling you would do. I really hurt you and I
swear I didn’t mean to, but I did.”
“Yeah, you did,” he responded. “But I understand, Bella, because I did the exact same
thing. I knew before you did and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you, so I’d be
a fucking hypocrite to blame you for that shit. If it’s anyone’s fault that this happened, it’s
mine, because I should’ve fucking told you when I had the chance instead of letting you
find out this way. I could've stopped this shit before it even started but I didn't, and that’s
why I’m sorry.”
A tear slid down my cheek and I brushed it away quickly as I turned back around, his
apology only making me feel worse. He was taking the blame for something I had caused,
trying to smooth things over and reassure me when he was the one that truly needed
comforted. He deserved to have the burden lifted off of his shoulders and I felt selfish as I
stood there in silence, unable to find the words to say to him to ease his worry and pain. I
heard his bare feet slapping against the cold, hard floor as he shuffled over to where I
stood, pausing beside me at the window and looking out.
“Christ,” he muttered, sounding stunned as he surveyed the damage in the daylight. “Look
at my fucking car.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered once again as I turned to look at him, the guilt overwhelming me
and tears starting to stream down my face. He sighed exasperatedly and shook his head.
“You have to stop apologizing,” he said, startling me as he grabbed my hips and pulled me
toward him with a serious expression on his face. “It happened, it was fucked up, but it’s all
over now. Dwelling on who hurt who isn’t going to make the shit go away, Bella. You can’t
hold grudges or throw pity parties and expect anything to get better because it won't. It’ll
just cause it to eat away at you.”
“Is that what you’ve done?” I asked quietly, wiping my tears away. He nodded.
“I’ve been doing it for years, all the while wondering why my life was so shitty. I tried
blaming everyone else for how fucked up I was when it was really my own goddamn fault I
was that way. I’m tired of that shit, I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again
because of it. My father keeps telling me to grow the fuck up and maybe it’s time I listen
and stop this bullshit,” he said, letting go of my hips and running his hand through his hair
with frustration. "Maybe it's time to accept what the fuck happened and just... forgive."
I stared at him, taken aback by his sudden burst of maturity when less than twelve hours
before he’d been acting so volatile. It was like he'd been completely crushed, defeated to the
point that he had no will left to fight anymore, but he sounded resigned about it, almost as
if he were relieved.
“Does that mean forgiving Jacob, too?” I asked curiously. His eyes narrowed in aggravation
and I froze at the sight of his expression, realizing I had struck a nerve with my question.
“No,” he spat. “What the hell does he have to do with this?”
I shrugged hesitantly. “You said nothing would get better or change if you held grudges, so
I just figured…”
“You figured wrong,” he said quickly, cutting me off. "That’s different."
“How?” I asked with confusion. “I mean, I know he hurt you, but you just said that dwelling
on that stuff wouldn’t help anything. It happened and it sucked, but it’s over so it's time to
move on. Right?”
He stared at me while he processed my words, and I chewed on my bottom lip nervously as

I awaited his reaction. “He’s an asshole and he hurts everything he touches,” he finally
responded, speaking matter-of-factly.
I smiled sadly. “That’s the same thing he always says about you,” I said quietly, shaking my
head. “He’s wrong about you and I've told him that, but maybe you’re wrong about him,
too.”
“I’m not,” he said pointedly.
I sighed and shrugged. “Okay. I’m just saying that maybe the two of you aren’t that
different, and maybe if you can put everything aside you guys can…”
“I know what you’re saying,” he cut me off angrily. “And that's a lot of goddamn maybe's,
Bella. It’s not going to fucking happen, so there's no point even talking about it. In fact, I
don’t want to talk about that motherfucker at all, because he has nothing to do with us.”
I stopped talking and stared at him, his tone telling me the subject was closed. The tension
in the room mounted again as we stood by the window, neither of us speaking. I fought
back the urge to apologize for irritating him by bringing up Jacob, knowing the words ‘I’m
sorry’ would only upset him further. I felt bad, though, because we were supposed to be
trying to make things right again and we obviously weren’t getting off on the right foot.
“Il tempo guarisce tutti i mali,” he said after awhile, reaching up and rubbing his chest
where those words were written on his flesh in ink. “Time heals all wounds. You asked me
once a long ass time ago if I really believed that and I kind of just brushed you off, do you
remember?”
“Yes,” I responded.
“Yeah, well, when I first got it I didn’t. I thought it was just some bullshit that people say to
try to make other motherfuckers feel better, but I believe it now. You can get over anything
with enough time. I’m not sure how much it’s going to take to work through this shit we
have going on, but I’ve got all the time in the world for you. It’s all I can really offer at this
point,” he said. “I love you, you know. I’m not giving up if you aren’t.”
“I love you, too,” I said quietly. “I don’t want to give up.”
He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I closed my eyes
as I hugged him back, taking a deep breath and inhaling his comforting scent. He held me
tightly and I felt him place a kiss in the top of my head as he hummed contentedly.
“If you didn’t really believe it was true, why’d you get that tattooed on you?” I asked after a
moment. He sighed and shrugged, letting go of me.
“It’s something my mom used to say. She was like a walking book of quotes and wisdom
and shit,” he said, turning to look out the window once more. He let out a curious laugh,
shaking his head. “Reminds me of you and your fucking Albert Schweitzer bullshit. I don’t
know why it took me so long to see the similarities. It should’ve been obvious to me sooner
that she'd been a slave, too.”
I stared at him with confusion. “What did you just say?” I asked, knowing I had to have
heard him wrong because he wasn’t making any sense.
He cut his eyes at me and furrowed his brow. “Which part? The fact that she used to spout
off quotes like you, or the fact that she was a slave like you?”
My eyes widened in shock. “Your mother was a slave?” I asked, my voice louder than I
anticipated due to my surprise. He looked at me with confusion and nodded hesitantly.
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought you fucking knew that. I mean, you saw the diary and
everything.”
I shook my head quickly as I tried to process the information. Elizabeth Cullen had been a
slave?! “I only read one page of it, Edward. It was my birthday and you came to visit. It just
said that she was determined to save me but your father didn’t understand, so she was
going to do it without him because she thought it was fate. That’s all I read. I didn’t know…
I mean… it didn’t say that she was, you know,” I stammered, completely stunned.
“You only read one page?” he asked. I nodded and he shook his head. “Well, fuck. I figured
you would’ve read a good bit of it.”
“No. I didn’t really feel the need to go any further after I figured it out,” I responded. “I
mean, I shouldn’t have even read that one page because it’s an invasion of her privacy, and
I’m sorry if you’re mad…”
“Stop,” he said quickly, holding his hand up to silence me. “I told you to stop apologizing to
me. I don’t blame you for reading it. I would’ve read the shit, too. In fact, I gave it to my
father so I wouldn’t be tempted.”
“You gave it to Dr. Cullen?” I asked. “So he knows that I know?”
“Yeah. It doesn’t matter, though. He’s been telling me for a while that I needed to tell you,”
he responded. We stood in silence as I tried to process what he’d said. All of the sudden,
everything that had happened over the past year with the Cullens made sense, and Dr.
Cullen’s reactions toward me seemed almost logical. I’d never been able to understand why
he’d gone out of his way to purchase me, only to be so hot and cold about everything, but I
finally understood...
He had done it for his wife, not me.
Edward would tell me that I hadn’t done anything wrong, but part of me still felt like I'd
caused it and I wondered if it was the same way with Dr. Cullen. He clearly loved his wife
and had lost her because of me. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how that felt -- seeing me
every day and knowing what he’d had to give up so that I could be where I was. It hadn’t
dawned on me until that moment exactly how much the man I saw as nothing but my
master had sacrificed in order to give me a real life, how much his entire family continued
to sacrifice to ensure that I remained safe.
Master's were supposed to take away life, but yet Dr. Cullen had done everything in his
power to give me mine.
That fact didn’t completely wipe out my memory of the incident with his gun all those
months ago, but it did help me recognize that Dr. Cullen wasn’t simply the callous, cruel
man I had always seen him as. He came off as heartless sometimes, but the truth was that
he was simply heartbroken and having me around was a blatant reminder of what had been
taken from him. It was no wonder the anniversary of her death had made him snap, the fire
in his eyes and anger in his expression caused by his own devastation. As much as I wished
I didn’t blame myself, I realized that Dr. Cullen was also fighting his own feelings of blame.
He was torn between caring for the girl his wife had wanted to help, and hating the girl who
had taken her from him.
I felt a tear slip down my cheek and blinked a few times, startled that I was crying again. I
brushed it away and saw Edward eyeing me cautiously, patiently waiting as I sorted
through things. I gazed into his intense green eyes as I thought about his mother, trying to
make sense of the fact that she had been a slave herself. The whole concept was just
astounding and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Had that been why she'd been so
desperate to save me? Had she seen herself in me? How had she gone from being a slave to
being a wife in the mafia? Had Dr. Cullen essentially rescued her, just like Edward had
rescued me?
“How, uh…” I started, shaking my head in confusion. “I mean, your mother was really a…
slave?” I whispered the word, my voice so quiet that I wondered if he could even hear it.
“Yes. It’s a long story and I really don’t feel like getting into it right now, but she was. She
lived with the Evanson’s in Phoenix when my father fell in love with her,” he responded.
My eyes widened in surprise. “With Alec? She was Jane’s slave?” I asked with shock. He
nodded and I saw his hand clench into a fist and his posture go rigid as he fought back his
temper at the mention of Jane. I dropped the subject quickly, chewing on my lip nervously.
Everything was becoming so clear to me now that I knew Elizabeth had once belonged to
the Evanson’s, from Dr. Cullen’s reaction to the cherry cokes to Alec’s overall reaction to
me. It was staggering to think about how much Edward's mother and I had in common. I
recalled Jasper telling me the night of the Halloween party that Edward had seen
something in me to change him, and had ventured to guess that it was because I reminded
him of their mother. It was no wonder the similarities existed if we had endured the same
set of circumstances.
“Do Jasper and Emmett know?” I asked quietly.
“They know it was you she wanted to save, but they don’t know that she was a slave. My
father’s going to tell them when he gets the chance,” he responded, clearing his throat.
“Anyway, you wanna go upstairs and just fucking hang out, watch a movie or something? It
would be nice not to think about this shit for a while.”
I nodded in agreement, following him out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Dr. Cullen heard
us as we hit the second floor and called for Edward. I hesitated briefly before telling him I’d
see him in the bedroom, and headed to the third floor when he started for his father's
office. I slipped into bed and lay there for a while, seeking comfort in the familiar warmth,
before Edward entered a few minutes later with an envelope in his hand.
“You’ve got mail, tesoro,” he said quietly, walking over and sitting down carefully on the
edge of the bed. My brow furrowed in confusion and I sat up, eyeing him warily.
“Me?” I asked. He smirked and nodded, holding the envelope out to me. I took it carefully
and glanced at it, seeing the return address from the American Council on Education. “Is
this, uh…”
“Your test results,” he said, answering my question before I could ask it. I stared at the
envelope nervously, frozen for a moment as I silently hoped whatever it contained wouldn’t
make everything everyone had done for me a complete waste. “Are you going to open it?”
I glanced at Edward and saw the curiosity in his expression, his eyes ablaze with
excitement. His expression made my nerves even more frazzled, because I was desperately
afraid of disappointing him. It was the first time I had ever put myself out there and
attempted to accomplish something simply to better myself, and I feared failure. “Can you
do it?” I asked imploringly, holding it out to him. He gazed at me peculiarly before shaking
his head.
“You should do it, tesoro,” he said gently. I sighed and carefully tore the flap open, pulling
the paper out. I unfolded it and bit down on my lip nervously as my eyes scanned it,
confusion coming over me when I saw all of the different numbers. I had no idea what any
of it meant and looked for something that indicated whether or not I had failed.
“I don’t understand,” I said after a moment. “There’s just a bunch of numbers.”
“What are the numbers?” he asked.
“Reading 450, Writing 420, Math 450, Science 500 and Social Studies 470,” I read.
“Does it tell you the average of them?” he asked. I looked below the row of numbers and
saw the total and testing average.
“458,” I said hesitantly, glancing at him anxiously. He stared at me for a moment before
nodding.
“You need a 450 to pass the entire thing,” he said quietly. My eyes widened in shock when
what he’d said sunk in.
“I passed?” I asked skeptically, trying to hold back the hope and excitement that was
threatening to burst forth. He nodded and smirked happily, his expression breaking my
composure. I gasped loudly and threw myself at him with so much force he nearly fell
backwards, but he grabbed a hold of me and rolled us over quickly so he was on top of me,
laughing.
“Damn, baby,” he said playfully. “You trying to knock me off the fucking bed?”
I blushed and stared at him, trying to fight back my emotion but my vision was already
blurring from tears. “I passed!” I exclaimed proudly, smiling. He laughed at my excitement.
“You did. Can’t say I’m surprised, though. I knew you would,” he said confidently. He
stared at me for a moment before leaning his head down and pressing his lips to mine
softly. He kissed me gently and slowly, but I could feel all of the passion he had for me in
that moment emanating from him. It was an innocent kiss but so much more than that. It
was a kiss of redemption, of forgiveness and pride. It was a kiss that said no matter what
may have happened in the past, there was still hope for the future. It told me that despite
our pain and heartache, the love was still there and would stay as long as we continued to
make an effort.
“Thank you,” I whispered against his mouth.
“For?” he asked.
“For believing in me,” I responded. “For never giving up.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that shit,” he responded, pulling back and smiling. “I do it
because I love you.”
"I love you, too," I said.
"I know you do, Bella. And don't worry, we're going to work this shit out. I mean, we're one
step closer," he said, grabbing the GED test results from my hand and holding them up.
"You can go to college now, you know? The sky is the limit."
"What about you?" I asked curiously. "When are you going to take your test for college?"
"In a week," he said. I looked at him with surprise and he smiled sadly. "I signed up right
before we went to Phoenix. I forgot to mention it, guess I had other shit on my mind."
I nodded. "I understand. Are you excited for it?" I asked curiously. He chuckled and shook
his head.
"I wouldn't exactly say taking the SAT's are exciting, Bella. I'm just ready to get the fucking
thing over with and hope I don't screw up too bad the first time, because I really don't want
to have to take the shit a second time," he said. "I need to start filling out college
applications, too, so we need to figure out where we're going when we leave this fucking
place."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, really, especially if I'm going to try to play football next year," he responded. "Do
you still want to go to California? I'm sure we can find a decent school out there with an art
program for you."
I shrugged hesitantly. "I guess. I mean, I haven't really thought about it."
"Well, think about it. Okay? We'll look up some schools and shit, figure it out," he said
gently, standing up from the bed and stretching. "Instead of sitting around this fucking
place all day, how about we do something to celebrate."
"Celebrate?" I asked. He laughed.
"Yes, celebrate. You're a fucking high school graduate now. Or the equivalent of one. You
know, half of the people who take the GED fail the fucking thing the first time, so the
simple fact that you passed it is big, tesoro. Look at where you were a year ago and look at
you now. You're free, you've got a goddamn degree, and we're in love and going to make it
through this shit if it fucking kills us." He paused, his brow furrowing as I laughed. "Yeah,
that shit didn't make sense. If it fucking kills us we wouldn't be getting through it, huh? But
whatever, you get what I'm saying. We're going to survive like we always do. That's cause to
celebrate, and we haven't had a fucking reason to celebrate anything in a while. So come
on, get up, put on some decent clothes, and let's forget about all of the bullshit for awhile
and just be. We don't get to just fucking be enough."
I glanced down at the black pants and Fork's High School Football shirt I was wearing,
sighing. "What's wrong with my clothes?" I asked curiously. He laughed and shook his
head.
"Everything I fucking just said and all you got from that is that I told you to change?" he
asked with amusement, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. He leaned over and
kissed me quickly. "Change," he whispered against my lips. "Clothes, not you. I don't want
you to ever fucking change, but I'm kind of tired of looking at that goddamn shirt."
"I like this shirt," I said defensively as he turned to walk out, his laughter filtering back in
as he disappeared from the room. I stripped out of the clothes and dressed in a pair of jeans
and a black shirt, pulling my hair back into a ponytail and grabbing my things before
heading downstairs. Edward was standing in the foyer with his hand gripping his hair in
frustration, muttering under his breath. I paused and looked at him, seeing the annoyance
on his face.
"Do you have your keys?" he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "We can't fucking
take the Volvo anywhere considering the condition it's in." I smiled sadly and pulled them
out of my pocket, handing them to him. He thanked me quietly before opening the door,
motioning for me to exit.
"So where are we going?" I asked as we got into the car. He started the car up, mumbling
under his breath in annoyance as he adjusted the seat and mirrors to his liking. I sat quietly
and waited as he fixed everything, knowing how finicky he was. It took a few minutes until
he was comfortable enough to start driving, but he still threw in a few extra complaints
before answering my question.
"I don't know, tesoro. I thought maybe we'd just go fuck off in Port Angeles for awhile and
find something to do," he said, shrugging. "Get some dinner, blow some money. You know,
usual shit."
"Okay, then," I responded, not really caring what we did as long as we spent time together.
We were both relatively quiet during the drive, and I gazed out of the window enjoying the
view as Edward fiddled with the music. He parked by the shore when we arrived and we
spent most of the afternoon just strolling along the waterfront, holding hands and chatting.
It was a surprisingly sunny day so we were in no rush to go inside anywhere, just content
enjoying the warm weather. We talked a bit about college and Edward mentioned he'd be
happy somewhere near the beach where he could occasionally surf. I simply smiled and
agreed that it would be nice, having had no idea he actually liked surfing. I realized there
was so much I still didn't know about him, so much I needed to learn about the boy I
planned to spend the rest of my life with.
Eventually, we moseyed into some shops, just browsing for the most part except for the
phone Edward bought to replace the one he had apparently broken. He kept offering me
things, saying he wanted to give me a special gift for my accomplishment, but I really saw
nothing of interest to me. I already had everything I needed and him buying me something
seemed excessive and completely unnecessary.
We walked past a portrait studio and Edward froze, gripping on to my hand so I'd stop.
"Come on," he said, pulling me inside. He let go of my hand and I lingered by the door,
watching with confusion as he walked up to a young lady who was standing at a desk
inside, his charming, crooked grin gracing his lips. She glanced up and I saw surprise flash
across her face as she saw him, her eyes scanning the length of his form. She smiled
flirtatiously, not even noticing I was standing there.
"Can I help you with something?" she asked sweetly.
"I believe you can," Edward responded, using the seductive, soft voice he used when he was
intentionally trying to charm someone. I'd heard him use it numerous times when he
wanted to get his way, and I'd never. personally, seen it fail him before. I eyed him
suspiciously, wondering what he was up to.
"Great," she said back, her tongue darting out and licking her lips slowly. I cringed and
stared at her, nausea beginning to brew inside of me at the sight of her openly flirting with
Edward in front of me. "Go ahead and try me."
I tensed up and narrowed my eyes in response to her tone. "I want to have some pictures
taken," Edward explained, catching me off guard. I looked at him with surprise, still not
sure what he was doing.
"Oh, well, we have an opening in two weeks," she said, looking down at a notebook in front
of her.
"That won't work," he said, shaking his head.
"Oh, when were you thinking?" she asked. He chuckled and leaned toward her, lowering his
voice even more.
"Right now," he said. She looked at him with disbelief and I stood back, watching as he
bribed her and paid double the fee, leading me into the back afterward to have our pictures
taken. I was completely stunned as he wrapped his arms around me, whispering in my ear
for me to smile. She snapped a dozen or so pictures of the two of us, telling Edward, once
we were finished, that they would be ready in a few weeks. He thanked her and pulled me
out of the place just as quickly as he had pulled me in, smiling happily.
"Now you've got something to remember this day by," he said. "It's no cap and gown or
fucking graduation ceremony, but it's something at least."
We had dinner at a seafood restaurant overlooking the waterfront before heading back to
Forks after sunset, both of us mentally and physically exhausted. When we arrived home I
showered and changed while Edward worked on homework, and then we went to bed. He
pulled me into his arms and held me tightly, and I smiled when his breathing regulated as
he drifted off to sleep. I snuggled into him and closed my eyes, sighing contently. It was the
first time in awhile that I'd gone to sleep feeling truly safe and secure. The first time since
my mother's death and learning the truth about Edward's mother that I was able to close
my eyes with a genuine smile on my face and hope in my heart.
The next week flew by in a blur as I tried to settle back in to life and come to terms with
everything. I kept busy during the days when Edward was gone, cleaning and baking in an
attempt to keep my mind off of things. I wasted a lot of food, as Dr. Cullen rarely ate any of
the sweets I baked and Edward was watching how much junk food he ate so he could keep
himself in shape for football, but it was one of the only things that kept my mind off of
everything. Edward stayed busy constantly, with practice and studying after school, so the
only time I really saw him was at dinner and when we went to bed at night. I saw Dr. Cullen
even less, as he was always at the hospital or locked away in his office. I caught glimpses of
him in passing a few times, but he never even bothered to utter a hello before disappearing
again.
It was difficult not to dwell on things when I was left to my own devices, and my guilt over
everything continued to eat away at me as time went on. I couldn't even look at the
photograph of Edward and his mother sitting on his desk without the pain nearly crippling
me when I saw the devotion in his face as he looked at her. Edward and I still had some
tension brewing between us that we were trying to get over, but I knew it was one of those
things that could only be healed with time.
I awoke the following Saturday morning just as Edward was getting out of the shower. I lay
still in the bed, watching him while he quietly got himself dressed, trying his best not to
disturb me. He stood in front of the closet and even in the semi-darkened room I could
make out the definition of his back muscles and the lines of his tattoos. His pale skin
glowed in the faint light filtering in from the open bathroom door, leaving me almost
mesmerized in my groggy state.
If there was one image of Edward Cullen I never wanted to forget, it was the one in front of
me. It was the image of him barefoot and bare chested, exposed and vulnerable, sneaking
around his own bedroom in the darkness because he was trying not to wake me. It was an
image most people would never see of him, but an image I couldn't bear to lose. Most
people saw the selfish young boy, spoiled and often irresponsible, but I was one of the lucky
few in life that got to see Edward for who he truly was. Completely stripped down to the
core, so compassionate and caring, a truly gentle soul despite what his scarred and marked
exterior screamed. He was stunning, so beautiful both inside and out; the quiet
contentment he oozed when no one was watching enough to take my breath away. I loved
him with every fiber of my being and just the fact that, after everything that had happened,
he could still stand in front of me as he was spoke volumes about his love for me. What we
shared transcended all of it and no amount of pain or heartache could break our bond. I
knew, as I stared at Edward in the darkness, that even if we never saw each other again, I
would love him for the rest of my life. He was a part of me and nothing could ever take that
away, no matter what. He had irrevocably changed me, just as I had changed him, and
there was no going back for either one of us.
He sighed softly in the quiet room and slipped a shirt on, before grabbing a pair of Nike's
from his closet. He accidentally kicked the corner of the bed in the darkness as he walked
by me and grunted, cursing profusely under his breath. I tried to stifle my laugh at his
reaction but failed, his head snapping in my direction in shock when he heard me snicker.
"Christ, Bella, how long have you been awake?" he asked, deciding to sit down on the edge
of the bed and slip the shoes on instead of attempting to venture any further in the
darkness.
"Just a few minutes," I said quietly as I sat up, clearing my throat to try to get the sleep out
of my voice.
"And you were what, just watching me get dressed? Fucking pervert," he said playfully,
nudging me with his elbow. I blushed and hoped he couldn't see it in the darkness, but
nothing escaped his notice. He chuckled. "Yeah, you were."
"I couldn't help it. You're too beautiful not to watch," I mumbled. He laughed and stood up,
shaking his head.
"And you're half asleep and don't know what the fuck you're saying," he said jokingly,
leaning over and kissing me quickly. "I've got to get going or I'm going to be late. I love
you."
"I love you, too," I said quietly as he headed for the door. The words caught in my throat for
some reason as I was overcome with emotion, my eyes welling up with tears. He turned to
glance at me with confusion and I smiled at him so he wouldn't worry, not even entirely
sure myself why I was reacting the way I was. "Good luck."
"Thanks, tesoro," he responded, hesitating for a moment. "I'll see you in a few hours." He
walked out and I listened as his footsteps descended the stairs, brushing my wayward tears
away as an odd feeling overcame me. It felt like dread, like all of the happiness had been
sucked from the room when he walked out of it. I tried to push it away, figuring it was just a
remnant of the devastation we'd been through, and climbed out of bed to start my day.
I headed down to the kitchen to grab something to drink before I started cleaning, and was
pouring a glass of orange juice when I heard a door on the first floor close. I tensed up
instinctively, that odd sensation of dread rushing through me as footsteps started in my
direction. I stared at the doorway as my heart started beating rapidly, immediately relieved
when I saw it was Dr. Cullen. I exhaled sharply, startled that I'd been holding my breath,
and he gave me a curious look when he noticed. I felt ridiculous and hoped he wouldn't ask,
because I couldn't really explain it. Something simply felt off and it had me on edge.
"Good morning, dolcezza," he said, his voice quiet but the words practically echoing in the
still house. It was the most he'd spoken to me in days.
"Good morning, sir," I responded politely, feeling awkward because he was staring at me. It
was the first time we'd really come face-to-face since he discovered I knew the truth, and I
wasn't sure how to act around him or what to say. It was so strange looking at him,
knowing the truth of why he had purchased me, and while I still felt fear in his presence,
gratitude was slowly chipping away at it.
He seemed nervous as he stood there, staring at me apprehensively as if he were worried

about my reaction toward him. It was startling and I watched him with interest, taking in
his disheveled appearance. He had dark circles under his eyes and creases lining his face,
both making him appear much older than I knew he was. He was obviously stressed and
worn down by life, completely exhausted and needing relief from everything. I wondered,
as I gazed at him, exactly how much of that I had caused.
"I'm, uh," he started, watching me cautiously. "I'm leaving for Chicago. I have a flight out of
Seattle at one this afternoon."
"Okay," I said hesitantly, wondering why he was telling me.
"Do you need anything before I go?" he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. My brow
furrowed at his question and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with frustration.
"Since Edward has your car. I didn't want to leave you stranded if you needed something
this morning."
"Oh," I said. Edward's car had been in the body shop all week getting fixed and he'd been
driving mine to get around. "Um, no. I'm fine, thank you."
He nodded. "Okay, then. Have a good weekend."
"You, too, sir," I responded. He looked at me curiously as if he had something else he

wanted to say, but he just turned and walked off after a moment without speaking another
word.
He departed a few minutes later and I spent a good part of the morning cleaning, dusting
the same things I had dusted every other day that week. The house was immaculate,
cleaner than it had ever been under my care before, which was sort of ironic considering I
wasn't actually obligated to clean it anymore.
It was sometime after eleven in the morning and I was cleaning out the pantry in the
kitchen, wasting time until Edward got home. Alice had gone to Seattle to spend time with
Jasper as she usually did on the weekends, and I was starting to grow lonely in the massive,
quiet house. I was shifting cans around, sorting them by type out of boredom, when I heard
the sound of gravel crunching outside and the purr of an engine. I tensed up immediately
and walked over to the window, gazing out curiously as the unfamiliar red sports car pulled
up in front of the house. The car shut off and the driver's side door opened, a blond haired
woman stepping out. My brow furrowed in confusion as she glanced around nervously, the
realization that I'd seen her before dawning on me after I caught a glimpse of her face.
It was the nurse from the hospital. Heidi, if I recalled correctly.
She shut the car door and started toward the house, as anxiety crept up inside of me. I
stood there for a moment debating what to do before I headed for the foyer, the sound of
the doorbell ringing out loudly stopping me dead in my tracks. Something about the sound
of it sent a chill of fright down my spine, that feeling of dread I'd felt earlier returning with
so much force that I thought I was going to be sick. I grabbed a hold of the piano to
stabilize myself, caught off guard by my intense reaction. I stood there and tried to get
control of myself, my hands beginning to shake as the doorbell rang again.
Something was definitely off.
I grabbed my cell phone from my back pocket and opened it, scanning through the
numbers and hesitating when I got to Dr. Cullen's. I felt ridiculous, because she was likely
just looking to speak to Dr. Cullen about something that pertained to work, but I couldn't
shake the feeling that was warning me not to answer the door because something was
wrong. The doorbell rang again and I took a step back, leaning against the wall while I
dialed Dr. Cullen's phone number.
It rang a few times and I was about to hang up, knowing it would soon go to voice mail,
when he picked up. His voice sounded panicked and I realized immediately that it was the
first time I had ever called him for anything.
"Is something wrong, Isabella?" he asked with alarm. I hesitated, unsure of what to say or
how to explain it. I felt completely ridiculous, because I was supposed to be adjusting to life
with independence and the presence of a seemingly harmless young woman at the front
door sent me into a panic.
"I, uh, I'm not sure, sir," I stammered.
"What's going on?" he asked. I sighed and the doorbell rang out loudly again, making me
flinch. "Who's there, Isabella?" he asked in a serious voice, having heard it.
"It's, uh, the nurse from the hospital," I responded. "The one you work with."
"Heidi?" he asked, sounding confused.
"Yes," I said. "I was going to answer but..."
"No," he said sharply, his tone scaring me into an immediate silence. "Don't answer it,
Isabella. I don't know what she wants, but she's not there for me."
"Okay," I said hesitantly, still not entirely understanding but frightened by his response. I
heard him curse as the doorbell rang out again, followed by a string of loud knocks.
"Get a hold of Edward right away, I don't want you there alone right now," he said
seriously. "I need you to set the alarm, do you remember the code?"
"Yes," I said, my voice shaking from my nerves. Something was definitely very wrong, if Dr.
Cullen sensed it.
"I don't want you to open that door until you see Edward on the other side of it, do you
hear me? I don't care who shows up, you do not open it for anyone but Edward," he said
sternly.
"Yes, sir," I said. Dr. Cullen said he was going to make some calls before telling me not to
worry and hanging up, and I closed the phone, clutching on to it tightly as I slowly started
walking over to the front door. The door itself was unlocked and I held my breath as I
grabbed the deadbolt, slowly turning it until it clicked. Heidi was still knocking, and I
breathed a sigh of relief that the pounding didn't waver so she hadn't heard me locking the
door. I glanced at the keypad beside the door and punched in the code, 62373, pressing the
red button to activate it.
Heidi stopped knocking and her muffled voice carried through the door as I pressed my ear
to it, trying to figure out what was going on outside.
"What do you want me to do? She isn't answering," she said, her voice faint and barely
audible. My brow furrowed in confusion because she had been alone, but it dawned on me
after a second that she must be on the telephone. I had no idea who she was talking to but
it made me nervous... very nervous. "Yes, I'm sure she's in there. Dr. Cullen left this
morning like he was supposed to."
There was a pause as silence took over, my heart pounding furiously in my chest. "No, she's
not with him. That little prick is taking a test today, I told you that. That's the whole reason
we picked today, remember? She's definitely here and alone, I just need to get her to open
this damn door somehow." There was a brief pause before she continued, the desperation
in her voice staggering because she was obviously distressed. "I know, I understand, but
please don't be like that! I love you, Jay, I swear, and I don't want to disappoint you! I
promise I'll make this work, I'll make it right. I know what this means to you."
My knees nearly gave out and I yelped, covering my mouth quickly to silence myself as she
started pounding on the door impatiently. I tensed up, hoping she hadn't heard me.
"Hello?" she yelled. "Are you in there?"
I scampered as quietly as I could over to the side, huddling in the corner beside the piano
as I opened my phone back up. I was frightened and confused, the blood rushing furiously
through my body. I scanned through the numbers quickly and dialed Edward's, my fear
escalating when it went straight to his voice mail. I let out a shaky breath and the tears
formed as she started pounding on the door harder and pressing the doorbell repeatedly,
shouting my name. I could hear the anger in her voice and it startled me, because none of it
made any sense. I didn't know what she wanted, why she was there or who she was talking
to, but whatever the reason was, it definitely wasn't good. I scanned through the numbers
in my phone, knowing Emmett and Rose couldn't help me halfway across the country and
Alice and Jasper wouldn't be able to do anything from Seattle. I'd already spoken to Dr.
Cullen and did what he had instructed, and was almost out of options when I came to the
last number in my phone.
After what had happened the week before, my regret over the pain that I'd caused Edward,
I had sworn that I wouldn't use it again. I sat there shaking as Heidi's impatience grew,
debating furiously about what to do, when her words became more ferocious.
"I swear I'm going to come in if you don't answer this door," she spat. "I'm not allowed to
leave here without you and I'll be damned if I'm going to let some little slave girl ruin what
I've got going for me here." My heart rate spiked at her words, shock and confusion rocking
me. She'd called me a slave, her rage frightening me because she clearly knew more than
she should have and I wasn't sure what to make of that. I almost started hyperventilating
because although I knew the door was locked, I didn't really know Heidi and had absolutely
no idea what she was actually capable of.
She started beating on the windows when the door didn't work and I hit the call button on
my phone without another thought, shaking and trying to fight back my fear. It rang three
times and my desperation hit an all time high, knowing he was my last option, and I
silently prayed that he'd answer and be able to do something.
"I must be dreaming," Jacob's voice rang out after the forth ring. "Never thought I'd see
this number pop up again. You must miss my jokes."
"Jacob," I said quickly, speaking as quietly as I could and hoping he'd understand despite
the fact that my voice was trembling. He didn't respond for a second and I wondered briefly
if maybe he hadn't even been able to hear me.
"Are you okay?" he asked finally, all traces of playfulness gone from his voice. "Did
something happen? Are you hurt?"
"Yes. I mean, no. I'm okay, at least I think I am," I rambled.
"Do you need help?" he asked.
"Yes. I don't know who else to ask," I responded nervously. "I, uh... Dr. Cullen told me to
get a hold of Edward immediately to tell him to come home but his phone isn't on."
"Sooo... you're calling me because you want me to track down your boyfriend?" he asked
with confusion. I sighed, frustrated and completely flustered.
"No. Well yes, but not just track him down. I need him to come home right away," I said.
"And you think me doing this is a good idea?" he asked. "No offense or anything, but I'm
really not in the mood to be attacked today. It's only been a week since I had my ass kicked
last, you know."
"I know. I'm sorry, I just... I don't know who else to ask," I explained. "Please? It's really
important."
"Sure, sure," he muttered, not sounding very pleased. "Whatever. I'll help you. Where is
he?"
"He's taking a test at the high school," I responded, relieved that he was agreeing to help
despite his reluctance to get involved. "The SAT test thing."
"Jesus," he said. "You not only want me to go try to tell Edward what to do, but you also
want me to trespass on school property and drag him out of the damn SAT? You're
seriously going to owe me for this. He's going to try to kill me. I'm going to die today."
"He won't, I swear. He'll understand," I said as Heidi started furiously wiggling the knob of
the front door, causing me to yelp again as my heart started pounding even harder. "Thank
you, Jacob."
"There's seriously something wrong, isn't there?" he asked with concern.
"Yes," I answered in a panic. "Please get Edward, I need him."
He agreed quickly and hung up, telling me to relax and that he'd have my boyfriend at the
house in a few minutes even if it meant tying him up and dragging him. I sat in the corner
for a minute, gazing up at the clock on the wall and seeing it was almost noon. I had no idea
what time Edward's test ended and felt guilty for wanting him to leave it, but I was
frightened and confused, and if it had been enough to alarm Dr. Cullen, I knew it was
definitely an emergency situation.
The furious banging stopped after a moment and everything grew eerily silent. I heard a
door slam and an engine start up, the sound of tires spinning as a car bolted down the
driveway. I stood up anxiously and stepped into the kitchen, peeking out the window to
verify that she'd actually left. I breathed a sigh of relief and headed back into the foyer,
opening my phone again to call Jacob back. I was going to tell him not to worry about it
because everything was fine again, and apologize for bothering him, hoping he hadn't
already disturbed Edward's test. I didn't want to make the situation any worse than it
already was or cause any unnecessary drama since she'd apparently given up and gone
away.
I dialed Jacob's number and the phone started ringing as I cautiously walked toward the
living area, my footsteps faltering when I glanced through the large window and spotted
the form in the back yard. The person was standing down by the tree line facing me, eyes
fixed directly on the house. I wasn't sure if they could see me from where they were, but I
stood frozen in spot just in case, not wanting to draw any attention to myself with
movement.
I stared out into the yard with confusion and suddenly felt dizzy, my knees going weak as I
recognized the face staring back at me. Even from such a distance there was no mistaking
it, and I could almost picture the malicious smile that was likely forming on his lips if he
had spotted me. I wondered if he could sense me, like a rabid animal that could smell the
fear of their prey from miles away, wondering if he knew that I was aware of his presence.
He was probably enjoying it if he did, enjoying every moment of the torture and fright he
was causing me. I could picture his icy blue eyes, cold and harsh, boring into me from
across the yard with disturbing intrigue.
They were eyes I had hoped to never to see again... the eyes of a dangerous predator.
I started hyperventilating as the form slowly started taking steps toward the house,
everything seeming as if it were in slow motion. My vision hazed over as I gasped for
breath, my heart pounding with so much force that pain ricocheted through me. I clutched
my chest as everything started making sense, realizing that Heidi had come to the house for
him, and that he had ultimately come for me.
I should've known he'd come some day, should've known he wouldn't have just accepted
what happened.
That feeling of dread overtook me as my vision blurred out, and I heard Jacob's voice
saying my name faintly on the other end of the phone through the sound of the blood
rushing in my ears.
"Hurry," I whispered, barely able to get the word out before my legs buckled as the
dizziness took me, and I fainted.
Chapter 68 Heal & Steal
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can
steal." - Headstone in Ireland
I glared at the paper sitting on the desk in front of me, gripping my hair with one hand in
frustration and tapping my pencil against the desk with my other as my eyes scanned the
question. I had read the damn thing at least a dozen times, but I couldn’t seem to focus on
what the fuck it said. I’d been sitting in the goddamn room for hours answering bullshit
questions on grammar, reading comprehension and math, my ass hurting from the hard
wooden chair and my head pounding from being overworked.
I groaned loudly as I slouched back in the chair, trying to shift my position to get
comfortable, and the girl sitting beside me shot me an annoyed look. I cocked an eyebrow
at her, just daring her to fucking say something to me, and she just rolled her eyes before
focusing her attention back on her test. I stared at her for a moment with irritation, unable
to even place her fucking name at the time. She was cute, in that ‘bend me over, and pound
into me from behind’ sort of way, but I was quite sure I hadn’t ever actually fucked her
before. I wasn’t sure why, because she had a decent body and a tolerable face, definitely
the type I would’ve talked into a janitor’s closet at some point. She had those thick plump
lips like Angelina Jolie, the type that just fucking looked like they belonged wrapped
around a dick, and as I gazed at the girl I wondered if maybe she had blown me before.
There was no way those lips would’ve gone unnoticed by me, so I definitely would’ve tried
to get with her, and I knew for a fact if I tried there was no way she would’ve ever fucking
turned me down. No one ever turned me down.
Christ, I was fucking sick. I was supposed to be taking the goddamn test to determine
where I could go to college and instead of paying attention to it, I was trying to figure out
whether the girl sitting beside me had ever sucked my dick before. What the fuck was my
problem?
She cut her eyes at me after a second, obviously sensing that I was looking at her. “What
do you want?” she mouthed with irritation, glaring at me. I sighed and shook my head.
“Not a fucking thing,” I muttered under my breath, looking back at the paper on my desk. I
didn’t give a shit about the girl, didn’t care about any of them, frankly. I barely noticed
anyone anymore, didn’t give any of the Forks High School bitches a second thought. They
were all the same and there wasn’t a goddamn thing any of them could do for me. I had
my Bella and none of them would ever compare to her, there was no doubt about it in my
mind. She was the only one I gave a shit about, the only girl I cared to even look at
anymore. She was everything I wanted, everything I would ever fucking need. She was the
reason I was sitting in this goddamn room, stressing over this ridiculous test, so that I
could take her away from all of the bullshit and start a new life with her somewhere.
Beautiful, smart and sweet, she had a big heart and a tight pussy that no other girl could
ever match. I’d been completely consumed by her, my entire life revolving around her. She
had me wrapped around her little finger and there wasn’t a goddamn thing I wouldn’t do or
give up for her.
Pussy whipped, as Emmett would call it… except I hadn’t had any pussy in fucking forever.
I glanced at the clock on the wall, noticing it was a quarter until noon. The administrator
announced that there were only five minutes left and I sighed loudly, attempting to focus
my attention back on the test in front of me. I read the last question once more, trying to
wrap my brain around the fucking analogies written on the paper. I didn’t know what half
of the goddamn words meant so there was no way I would ever figure out how they were
related. I gave up after a moment and dropped the pencil on the desk, not even bothering
to answer the fucking thing. The only analogy that mattered to me at the time was ‘weed is
to smoke, as pussy is to fuck’, because that was the only goddamn thing I
was actually interested in. I needed to calm my nerves, and I knew a bowl and my Bella
Ragazza were the only two things that could do it.
Time wound down and they called for us to stop before collecting our tests and dismissing
us. I walked out of the room and headed for the exit, flexing my cramped fingers and
rolling my neck in an attempt to get the tension out of it. I stepped outside and squinted as
the sun hit me, surprised that it wasn’t fucking raining for once. It was still fairly early,
around noon, so there was still time in the day for Isabella and I to do something to just
fucking relax after the stressful morning. I knew my father was leaving town so it would be
just the two of us, and I figured since it was decent outside we could head out to the
meadow again. We still had some shit to work through, things we needed to talk about,
and the meadow had always been where I went as a kid to clear my head. It was fucking
peaceful there, like when you walked into it all of life’s bullshit melted away, and that was
exactly what we both needed.
I headed out toward the parking lot, noticing Jessica standing with Tanya and Lauren on
the courtyard. They all looked up at me as I approached, and I smiled at Jessica, nodding
my head in greeting.
“Hey Jess,” I said politely. Her eyes widened from what I assumed was shock that I was
acknowledging her as a grin slowly spread across her face.
“Hey Edward,” she said excitedly. “How do you think you did?”
I shrugged. “Fine, I guess. You?” I asked.
“Good, I hope. I took it last year and did pretty good, but I need a slightly higher score to
get into the school I plan to go to,” she said.
“Yeah? Where’s that?” I asked, not really giving a shit where the fuck she was going but
she’d been nice to me so I figured the least I could do was make small talk.
“Notre Dame,” she said. “I want to study philosophy and theology.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised. That wasn’t an easy school to get admitted to and I had no
idea she was fucking smart enough for that shit. I always took Jessica as the type that took
a year or so of community college before ending up waitressing at a Hooters somewhere.
Not as bad as Lauren and Tanya, of course. Those bitches were going to end up in
platforms and g-strings working a pole somewhere.
“Yeah, I’ve wanted to go there forever. I’ve been talking about it since I was a kid. I’m also
a big fan of their football team,” she said. I stared at her, feeling like a fucking idiot
because I’d always figured she was like the rest of them and didn’t know the first thing
about the sport. And shit, I'd known her for a lot of fucking years and had been sleeping
with her for a few of them -- shouldn’t I have fucking known those things?
“Well, good luck with that. You know that’s where Emmett and Rosalie went, right?” I
asked.
“No, really? At least I’ll know someone there,” she said. “What about you? Where are you
going next year?”
I sighed and shrugged, running my hand through my hair. “I don’t know yet. Maybe
Stanford in Cali—“ I started, the sound of squealing tires stopping me. I turned to look in
the direction of the noise, my brow furrowing in confusion when I spotted the motorcycle
flying into the parking lot. “What the fuck?”
“Isn’t that Jacob?” Tanya asked behind me. My eyes narrowed in response to his name and
I watched as he whipped his bike into the spot right beside where I was parked, wondering
what the fuck he was there for. He climbed off of it and pulled his helmet off, glancing
around in a rush. He looked in our direction and froze, staring at me for a moment. I
glared at him angrily and saw his mouth moving as he muttered something to himself,
hesitantly starting to take steps in our direction. My hands started to shake as he
approached and I clenched them into fists to try to stop it, anger surging through me.
“Cullen,” he said, stopping in front of me. His eyes darted around at the girls, a look of
confusion on his face. “I need to talk to you about Isabella. She…“
I didn’t even give him time to finish his statement, knowing whatever he was about to say
wasn’t something I wanted to hear. My nerves were still on edge and his presence was
pissing me the fuck off, the anger getting the best of me. I drew my clenched fist back and
punched him straight in the jaw with as much force as I could, his head snapping to the
side roughly as he staggered backward.
“Don’t you fucking say her name,” I snapped in annoyance. He brought his hand up to
where I’d connected, anger flashing across his face as he turned to glare at me.
“You’re such an asshole,” he spat in return, rubbing his jaw. “Jesus, there’s something
seriously wrong with you. I told her you’d go psycho on me if I came here.”
“Excuse me?” I snapped, grabbing a hold of his shirt roughly and pulling him in my
direction. “What the fuck do you mean you told her? When the hell did you talk to her?”
He grabbed my hand that was clenching his shirt and pried it off, shoving me. “Twenty
minutes ago, asshole. She called me.”
His words stung and I tried to fight back my fury at the knowledge. She’d called him?
What the fuck was she calling him for? “What do you mean she called you?” I asked, not
wanting to believe she’d do that after what the hell we’d just been through. She was a
smart girl and recognized how much that shit had hurt me. There was no way she’d do it
again.
“I mean, ring ring, she fucking called my phone,” he spat with annoyance, shaking his
head. “What else would ‘she called me’ mean? How stupid are you?”
“You son of a bitch,” I snapped, lunging at him. Fear flashed across his face for a brief
second before his eyes narrowed angrily and he braced himself. I swung my fist and
connected with his jaw, busting him right in the mouth, but he was prepared and barely
stumbled before swinging on me. He jabbed me hard in the ribs and I gasped at the
unexpected shot, bringing my fist back to hit him again but before I could he clocked
me right in the nose.
My vision blurred and I squinted as the sharp pain shot through my face. I brought my
hand up to my nose and felt the warmth immediately, pulling it away to see the blood that
was now streaming out of it. The sight of it sent my rage spiraling out of control and I flew
at him again, my fist connecting with his mouth once more with as much force as I could
manage. His head snapped to the side and he nearly lost his footing, giving me the
opportunity to hit him a few more times while he was still caught off guard. He brought his
hands up to fend me off and got another shot in at my nose, the sharp pain intensifying. It
was throbbing painfully and fucking with my eyesight, my vision completely blurring out
for a second and giving Jacob just enough time to regain his composure.
“Stop!” he yelled, pushing me backwards and holding his hands up. “Jesus, Cullen,
just stop!”
“Fuck you,” I snapped, feeling someone grab my arm. I shrugged them off and turned
quickly to see Tyler standing there, stunned. The girls were standing behind him with
horrified expressions on their faces as Michael Newton approached with two other
guys following him.
“Is this how you two always greet each other?” Tyler asked, glancing between Jacob and I
with shock. I laughed dryly and wiped my nose with the back of my hand, groaning when I
did nothing but smear blood all over myself. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it
up, pinching my nose with it and trying to stop the fucking bleeding.
“Don’t you know?” Jacob said, shaking his head angrily and licking his busted lip. “This is
how Cullen says 'hello' to his old friends.”
“You’re not my fucking friend,” I snapped, letting go of my shirt. “Fucking backstabber.”
“Asshole,” he spat back. “You’d think you’d show some damn gratitude. I didn’t have to
come here.”
“Why the hell did you?” I asked, wondering what the fuck he was getting at. “You here
trying to fuck with my life some more? Trying to butt into my relationship? You’re wasting
your fucking time because you aren’t going to come between us. She loves me and there
isn’t a goddamn thing you can do to change that.”
“You think I’m trying to break you up? Jesus, you need to get your head checked! Quit
being so damn paranoid, Cullen, and listen for once!” he said with annoyance. “The only
reason I came here is because Isabella called me.”
My brow furrowed in confusion but before I could say anything, a shrill laugh rang out
behind me. “You douche bag’s are fighting over the fucking servant girl?” Tanya asked
incredulously. “This is unreal.”
“Shut the fuck up, bitch,” I snapped, turning around to glare at her.
“Don’t call her that,” Jacob yelled angrily. I turned back around, about to fucking jump on
him again for talking to me that way, but froze when I saw his gaze was fixated past me. I
stared at him in confusion, caught off guard when I realized he wasn’t yelling because I had
called Tanya a bitch, but was pissed because Tanya had called Isabella a servant. “She’s a
good person, unlike your skank ass.”
“You don’t even know her,” I said, irrationally jealous that he was standing up for my
girlfriend when that was my fucking job. He glanced at me with irritation, rolling his eyes.
“I know enough,” he said firmly. “I know she has all the reason in the world to be disgusted
by you, but she still loves you for some damn reason. It takes a strong person to see past all
the shit you’ve done, Cullen. And are you seriously going to stand here and argue with me
about this? This is ridiculous. I’m wasting my time even bothering.”
“Then leave,” I said flatly. “I didn’t fucking ask you to come here.”
“No, but she did,” he snapped. “She told me to come get you because she didn’t have
anyone else to ask and she needed you to come home. I try to do her a favor against my
better judgment and instead of listening you’d rather hang out with your whores and fight
me for no damn reason.”
I looked at him with confusion. “She asked you to come get me?” I asked, not
understanding because that shit didn’t make any sense. She knew I was taking my test and
would be home as soon as I finished, so there was no goddamn reason to involve Jacob
Black.
“Yes,” he said, shaking his head. “She didn’t really explain and I told her it was a bad idea
but she said it was important. I think someone was there or something.”
I tensed up at his words, dread coursing through me. “How do you know someone was
there?” I asked quickly.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I just heard what sounded like a doorbell and she seemed kind of
edgy about it.”
My mind immediately started running through fucking scenarios as I pushed past Jacob,
sprinting for my car in the parking lot. I knew my father was leaving town and Alice was
gone, so there was no one that should be at the house. She knew how important my test
was and wouldn’t fucking want me to leave it, and she sure as fuck wouldn’t go to the
extremes of calling someone like Jacob to assist unless it was an emergency. I heard Jacob
yelling behind me but didn’t bother to respond as I jumped into the car and started it up
right away in a panic. I threw it in reverse and pulled out of the spot quickly as Jacob ran
for his motorcycle, putting the car in drive and squealing the tires as I slammed the gas
pedal.
I started speeding through the streets of Forks and turned my phone on, seeing a missed
call from Isabella and one from my father. The fact that my father called, knowing I was
taking my SATs, made my panic flare even more. I called Isabella’s number right away,
trying to calm down and tell myself everything was fine, but it wasn’t working.
Everything was clearly not fucking fine.
“Pick up the fucking phone,” I said to no one in particular, my anxiety increasing with each
ring. Her voicemail picked up and I hit 'end', nervously redialing her number without
hesitation. I was distracted and ending up running straight through a red light, causing a
car to slam on it’s brakes and skid to a stop, barely missing me. My heart was racing fast
and the phone slipped from my shaky hands, hitting the floorboard with a thud. I cursed
myself, knowing it was still fucking dialing Isabella’s number, and reached down to pick it
up but the steering wheel jerked and I nearly took out someone’s fucking mailbox in the
process.
I sat up straight and clutched onto the steering wheel tightly, knowing I needed to pay
attention to the road so I could make it home in one piece. The only thing that would truly
alleviate my concern would be seeing her with my own eyes so I hit the gas pedal harder
and accelerated, flying through the streets and hoping like hell the cops weren’t around.
I made it out of the city limits and drove out toward the house, slamming on my breaks
when I neared the driveway. I could see fresh skid marks and ruts dug into the path, the
sight of it making me panic because at that point it was clear someone
had definitely fucking come to the house.
I swung a quick right onto the driveway but stopped the car, reaching down and grabbing
my phone from the floorboard. I slipped it into my pocket and reached back down, feeling
under the seat for my gun. I had moved it to Isabella’s car when I took the Volvo to the
shop, not entirely comfortable with leaving it around the house.
I felt the metal and grabbed it, pulling it out and sitting it on the seat beside me just in case
I would need it for any reason. I felt ridiculous, like maybe I was overreacting, but
something inside of me told me that something was seriously wrong.
There weren’t any cars sitting in the yard and the house looked quiet, just as I had left it. I
parked the car near the porch and anxiously grabbed my gun, climbing out of the car and
looking around intently. Everything seemed still and in place, nothing raising any red
flags. I closed the car door as I slipped the gun into my waistband and walked up onto the
porch, trying the knob but finding the door locked. I unlocked it and opened the door,
hearing the beep of the alarm right away. I shut the door and quickly disabled the alarm,
turning back around to look into the foyer and freezing. My blood ran cold when I saw
Isabella’s cell phone lying open on the wooden floor and I glanced around suspiciously,
trying to keep calm but I was on the verge of freaking the fuck out. I quietly walked over
and picked it up, closing it and slipping it into my pocket.
“Isabella?” I called out, my voice echoing in the seemingly vacant house. I heard
commotion in the kitchen and walked that way, stopping abruptly in the doorway. Isabella
was standing behind the long counter and my brow furrowed in confusion when I saw she
was clutching a rolling pin, her hand drawn back like she was prepared to beat the shit out
of someone with it if they came near her. She looked panicked and I could see her
trembling from where I stood, but relief slowly began to take over her expression as she
realized it was just me.
“Edward?” she said hesitantly.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, chuckling nervously. If I hadn’t been so fucking confused about what
was going on I might’ve found the shit amusing. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, glancing around. “I am now,” she responded, looking at me with shock. “I,
uh… are you okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked. She blinked a few times and continued to gaze at me
with an almost puzzled look.
“What happened?” she asked.
“What?” I asked in confusion, because she wasn’t making any fucking sense. “Shouldn’t I
be asking that?”
“Yeah, but… your nose,” she said hesitantly. I reached up and grabbed my nose
instinctively, wincing from the soreness that radiated through my face. In my fucking
panic I’d forgotten all about my injury, my fear for her overriding all of the pain.
“Just had a little scuffle with Jacob,” I explained, not wanting her to think it was something
serious. Her eyes widened in horror and she gasped.
“Oh, God, Jacob! You didn’t hurt him, did you? He was just helping me,” she said, getting
excited once again. I waved her off and shook my head.
“Jacob’s fine. He got me worse than I did him this time,” I said quickly, cringing as I spoke
the words, not wanting to fucking admit that he’d owned my ass in that fight with the
punch to my nose. “Why’d you call him? What happened?”
“I, uh… Heidi was here,” she said.
“Heidi?” I asked, caught off guard by her response. Of all the fucking scenarios I went
through, that bitch’s name was the last thing I expected to come out of Isabella’s mouth.
“Yes. I was going to answer it, but I decided to call Dr. Cullen first, thankfully. He said not
to open the door for her and told me to call you right away to come home because
something wasn’t right. You didn’t answer and Heidi was getting upset that I wasn’t
opening the door, so I called Jacob. I’m sorry I called him but I didn’t know who else to
call. I swear I didn’t want to hurt you or cause any more fighting, Edward,” she rambled
imploringly, her eyes welling up with tears.
“Don’t worry about it, tesoro,” I said. “I understand. I’m glad you had someone you could
call. So what, did she give up and go away? What the fuck was she here for?”
“I, uh… I don’t know,” she said, looking around cautiously. “She threatened me, and she
said she wouldn’t let her life be ruined by a slave and…”
“What?” I said with disbelief, cutting her off. “She threatened you? She called you a
fucking slave?”
“Yeah. She knows, I guess,” she said hesitantly. “But she left and then…”
“How the fuck does she know?” I asked angrily, trying to contain my rage but it wasn’t
working. “She had to have been talking out of her ass, there’s no way she seriously fucking
knows.”
“Well, I don’t know. I mean, she left and then I was calling Jacob back and…” she started,
her words faltering as the roar of an engine approached. She tensed up and stared at me
with sheer panic so I walked over to the window quickly, peering out to see the motorcycle
pulling up in front of the house.
“Fucking Jacob,” I muttered with a groan, shaking my head. He shut the motorcycle off
and headed for the house, as I walked into the foyer and pulled the door open. I stepped
out onto the porch and Isabella followed, pausing behind me.
“Everything okay?” Jacob asked as he stopped a few feet away, glancing between us.
“Yes,” I responded coldly. “You didn’t have to come here.”
“Edward,” Isabella said quickly, almost in a scolding tone. I turned to look at her and she
pushed me aside, stepping forward as her eyes darted around anxiously. She stepped off of
the porch and I tensed up as she approached Jacob, my eyes widening in shock when she
loosely wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Jacob stood frozen in shock for a second,
eyeing me warily like he expected me to fucking shoot him or something, before half-
heartedly patting her back. “Thank you, Jacob. You didn’t have to help me but you did.
Not a lot of people would do that. I really appreciate it.”
“Ah, no big deal,” he said nonchalantly with a shrug as she pulled away from him, but I
knew Jacob well enough to know it was a fucking big deal. He was a lot like me in the
sense that he didn’t often get praise for doing something good, and was used to being told
what an utter fuck-up he was. In fact, it was completely out of character for Jacob to
actually do good shit, so just the fact that he had helped her and had the guts to come face-
to-face with me in order to do it wasn’t a small feat for him. I almost started to feel bad for
hitting him, but the throbbing in my nose counteracted that shit. That motherfucker was
just lucky it wasn’t broken. “So, you’re fine? Crisis averted and all that jazz?”
“Uh, well…” Isabella started, chewing on her bottom lip nervously and cutting her
eyes to me.
“It was just Heidi,” I said, stepping down off of the porch to where they were standing.
“Came trying to cause some bullshit. My father must’ve kicked her to the curb or
something. You know how scorned bitches can be.”
“Um, I don’t think that’s what happened…” Isabella started, shaking her head.
“She always was a gold digger,” Jacob chimed in. “Would fuck anyone with a little bit of
money and power. I never understood why your father would stoop that low.
Even I wouldn’t stoop that low.”
“Bullshit,” I spouted off immediately. “You fucked her.”
“No, I didn’t,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “I never touched that skank.”
“Yes, you did,” I said. “Right before spring break. We were at the fucking hospital getting
your ass fixed up from when you cut yourself on that damn rock cliff diving. She gave you
your tetanus shot and I dared you to get with her, remember? You never turned down my
fucking dares.”
“Seriously, Cullen?” he said with disbelief. “Are you forgetting you tried to kill me that
same weekend? I never even had a chance to try.”
“I didn’t try to kill you,” I spat. “If I wanted to fucking kill you, I’d kill you. You pissed me
off and I snapped, because you fucked up and stabbed me in the goddamn back.”
I felt my hands shaking with my anger and I clenched them into fists, not wanting to let it
get the best of me again. Jacob glared at me for a moment and I waited for him to fucking
disagree with me, entirely prepared to bust him in his lying mouth when he did, but when
he finally spoke he said the last thing I expected to hear him say.
“I did,” he said simply.
“Excuse me?” I said, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
“I said, I did. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I fucked up and I’m sorry about that,” he
said, shaking his head. “But you did, too, Cullen.”
I stared at him, completely at a loss for what the fuck to say in response to that. It was the
first time Jacob had ever acknowledged he’d wronged me and it caught me off guard,
because he was just as bad at confessing wrongdoing and apologizing as I was.
“Yeah,” I muttered after a second, running my hand through my hair, not liking the fucking
awkwardness of the moment. “I probably shouldn’t have fucked your sister, so sorry about
that or whatever.” I struggled saying the word, because admitting any guilt was damn near
painful. I sighed and turned to look at Isabella, who was eyeing the two of us in shock. A
small smile graced her lips and she looked almost fucking proud of me.
“Wow,” she said quietly. “Did you really just…”
“Anyway,” I said quickly, rolling my eyes and cutting her off before she could fucking make
a big deal out of it because it still didn’t change a goddamn thing. “Everything’s fine.
Isabella could’ve handled her by herself, actually. She had the rolling pin ready to beat the
bitch over the head. A frying pan probably would’ve been better, but whatever works.”
Jacob laughed and Isabella blushed bright red, ducking her head shyly as I chuckled. “I
didn’t know what to do,” she said. “I fainted and then…”
“You fainted?” I asked, cutting her off once more, and she groaned in annoyance.
“Would you please listen to me?” she asked exasperatedly. “Every time I try to explain
what happened you interrupt me.”
I held up my hands in defense. “I’ll shut the fuck up,” I said. “Go ahead and explain.”
She sighed and started chewing on her lip, gazing at me apprehensively. I stared at her for
a moment and my brow furrowed in confusion at her panicked expression. “I mean, I
called Jacob and asked him to go get you, because I talked to Dr. Cullen and he told me to,
and he said he’d help and…” she was rambling and I just watched her curiously, wondering
why she seemed so nervous because she’d already fucking told me all of that bullshit.
“After Heidi went away I was going to tell Jacob to forget about it, but when I was walking
through the foyer I looked out back and thought I saw… someone.”
“Someone?” I asked, raising my eyebrows curiously.
“Yes, they were down by the trees. They started walking toward the house and I panicked,
and that’s when I fainted,” she said, her eyes studying my face intently.
“Who did you see?” I asked, eyeing her suspiciously. I could tell by her expression that she
was withholding information.
“Well, I mean, I don’t know for sure. When I came to, no one was there, so maybe
I just imagined it or something,” she rambled.
“Isabella,” I said seriously, wishing she’d just fucking be out with it because her hesitance
was making me nervous. “Who was it?”
She stared at me and I saw the fear flash in her eyes, the sight of it nearly stilling my heart
as it sent a cold chill down my spine. “It looked like… James,” she whispered, her voice
shaking as she said his name. I froze as it registered, my own fear boiling up but I fought
that shit back because it was no time to be panicking.
“James?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. She nodded hesitantly. “That doesn’t
make sense. Are you sure it wasn’t the fucking landscaper or something? I’m pretty sure
the guy who pushes the lawnmower has blond hair. Maybe it was him.”
“Does it look like the grass was mowed today, Edward?” she asked. I glanced around and
shrugged.
“No, okay. Whatever,” I mumbled. “Still doesn’t make sense, though. Why would he be
here?”
“Who’s James?” Jacob interrupted, glancing between Isabella and me. I hesitated for a
moment and was about to tell him to mind his own goddamn business when my phone
started ringing. I reached into my pocket and pulled it out, glancing at the screen to see it
was my father.
“I need to take this,” I said, giving Isabella a quick look before answering it and bringing it
up to my ear. I stepped back onto the porch, trying to get out of earshot of Jacob in case I
had to say something that motherfucker shouldn’t hear. “Hello?”
“Edward?” I heard my father say, his voice somewhat frantic and cracking because of bad
reception. “Can you hear me?”
“Uh, yeah,” I said. “Sort of. You’re kind of fucking breaking up.”
“Hold on a second,” he said. I sighed and glanced behind me at Isabella, seeing the
nervousness on her face. I smiled at her when I saw she was looking at me and she gave me
a weak smile in return.
“Any better?” my father asked after a second, his voice still cracking. I sighed and ran my
hand through my hair in frustration.
“Not really,” I responded. “I can hear you good enough, though.”
“So, I got a joke for you,” Jacob said, looking at Isabella and smiling. She turned to look at
him and I rolled my eyes, turning around in annoyance. He was always doing that bullshit,
fucking telling jokes and trying to make people laugh, and it got on my goddamn nerves.
My father started talking about Isabella and I needing to leave, and I heard something
about the airport in Seattle but the reception was getting worse. “What’s black, white and
red all over?” Jacob asked.
“What?” I asked into the phone, not entirely understanding but my father’s voice sounded
rushed and panicked, that alone scaring the fuck out of me.
“What?” I heard Isabella ask Jacob. My father started talking again and a loud bang rang
out somewhere in the distance, making me jump from surprise. I dropped the phone and
cursed, reaching down quickly to pick it up when the most horrific piercing scream rang
out behind me. I spun around in a panic, horror and shock hitting me when I saw Jacob
drop to his knees. A small red spot was forming over his chest on his white shirt and he
clutched it, looking horrified and opening his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He
dropped forward onto the ground in a matter of seconds and Isabella screamed again, so
loud that my ears started to ring.
Everything felt like it was in slow motion and I stood up quickly, leaping off of the porch
and on top of Isabella as another loud bang rang out. I knocked her to the ground behind
the car, the wind leaving her lungs as she gasped for air and clutched onto me.
“Listen to me,” I said in panicked whisper as another shot rang out from the distance. I
had her pinned to the ground and could feel her body shaking furiously, her fear evident. I
couldn’t see who the fuck was shooting, but I was pretty sure who was behind it. “I’m going
to count to three and I’m going to start shooting. I need you to get up and get into this
goddamn car and huddle down out of the line of fire as quick as possible. Got it?”
She didn’t respond, just continued to clutch onto me and shake in fear. I groaned as
another shot rang out and I winced as it collided with metal, the bullet hitting the car.
“Christ, Isabella, you need to fucking listen to me, this is serious. We have to get out of
here and I can’t have you fucking panicking and freezing. I need you to do this, can you?”
“Yes,” she whispered, her voice shaking just as hard as her body. I grabbed the keys from
my pocket and reached up to unlock the passenger door, opening it a crack. I looked at her
briefly and saw the devastation and confusion, her eyes filled with horror as tears streamed
from them.
“It’s going to be okay, I promise,” I said quickly, wanting to reassure her despite the fact
that even I didn’t fucking believe it. I was lying but I knew she trusted me, and at the
moment I wanted nothing more than to make her feel better. Her fear lessened a bit as she
looked at me and nodded.
“Okay,” she whispered. Yet another shot cut through the air and I flinched at the sound,
taking a deep breath and nodding. I started counting and her eyes widened as she clutched
onto me tightly when I hit two. “Wait!”
“Christ, we don’t have time to fuck around here,” I said in frustration.
“I love you,” she choked out, the words catching in her throat and escaping as a sob. The
sound of it stung, my heart aching.
“Don’t you fucking act like we won’t see each other again in thirty seconds,” I said firmly,
grabbing my gun from my waistband and flicking the safety off. “Get in the goddamn car,
baby. Three.”
I stood up quickly and aimed, immediately firing off rounds in the direction the shots had
come from. I ran around to the driver’s side and cursed when I almost fucking tripped over
Jacob, guilt and shame overwhelming me. Tears stung my eyes but I fought to hold myself
together, trying not to let the emotions of the situation take over. A shot rang out and I
ducked instinctively as the bullet whizzed by me, the sound of it making my heart
pound forcefully in my chest. I grabbed the driver’s side door and pulled it open quickly,
ducking inside the car. Isabella was in the passenger seat, curled up in a ball and shaking
furiously.
“Fuck,” I spat, shutting the door as fast as I could and fumbling with the keys as I laid the
gun down between the seats. I got the car started when a bullet hit the driver’s side
window, ripping through the glass and shattering it. I ducked and covered my head
instinctively and Isabella let out a sharp scream. She sat up some to grab her arm and I
looked at her with horror when I realized the bullet had fucking hit her.
I threw the car in gear and swung it around quickly, slamming down on the gas pedal to get
the fuck away from there as quickly as possible. Isabella was sobbing and I reached over at
her, brushing her hair aside as I flew down the driveway.
“Are you okay, tesoro?” I asked in a panic, trying to move her shirt and get a look at her
wound. She flinched and cried out when I touched her, turning her head to look at me with
fright. Her expression caught me off guard but it softened almost instantly as she gazed at
me. I pulled the sleeve of her shirt up and saw the bullet had just grazed her, instantly
relieving me.
“Jacob,” she gasped through her sobs. “We have to get Jacob! We have to go back!”
“We can’t,” I said quickly. “Christ, Isabella, someone is trying to fucking kill us. It’s too
late for Jacob. We have to get out of here.”
She stared at me with devastation and shook her head, the tears flowing freely from her
eyes. “But… he was just trying to help… he was just…”
“I know, baby, I know,” I choked out through the lump in my throat, swinging the car onto
the main road. I didn’t know what else to fucking say, unsure of how to make her feel better
but I desperately wanted to. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”
I tried to focus on the road as I drove down the vacant highway but something caught my
eye in the rear view mirror and I glanced at it, fright rushing through me when I saw the
black SUV flying up behind us. “Fuck,” I spat, pressing down on the gas harder. Isabella
looked at me apprehensively and turned her head to glance behind us, her eyes widening
with shock.
“Oh, God, is that…” she started, not bothering to finish her statement.
“Put on your fucking seatbelt,” I snapped. She froze for a split second before obliging,
grabbing her seatbelt quickly and snapping it on. She stared at me and I wanted to say
something to fucking comfort her but I wasn’t sure such words even existed in the moment.
The SUV rapidly approached from behind and my panic intensified when I realized they
weren’t going to stop. I grasped onto the steering wheel tightly to brace myself and looked
over at Isabella with terror, unparalleled devastation overwhelming me when I saw the
same terror I felt reflected in her eyes.
“Edward,” she whispered, the sound of my name on her lips making my chest swell with
love despite the fear. Nothing would ever override or overpower the love I felt for her and
that moment alone proved that fact. I stared into her deep brown eyes, the eyes that had
entranced me since the moment I saw them, and it seemed as if time stopped. She was so
beautiful, so pure and true. La mia bella ragazza.
“I love you, too,” I choked out, struggling to fight back the emotion so as not to scare her.
“Sempre.”
The moment I said the word the car jolted roughly with a loud bang when the SUV
slammed into the back of us and I grasped the steering wheel tightly to try to keep us
straight, but it jerked regardless. The car flew off the side of the road toward some trees
and I threw my hands out instinctively to protect Isabella, knowing it was too late to
stop what was about to happen. I was thrown forward and pain ripped through my chest as
the air left me, the last thing registering before the blackness took me was Isabella’s
piercing scream.
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“Edward?”
The sound of my name faintly registered in my ears, but the voice was muddled and
sounded far away so I couldn’t make it out completely. It was familiar, though and I
strained to hear.
“Edward, open your eyes.”
Everything was completely black but it felt oddly hazy, like I was submerged under water or
in a thick fog. I wasn’t sure if I were sleeping and just dreaming, but I tried to force myself
awake because I didn’t like it. It felt off… wrong…
“Come on,” the voice said, clearer than before and I recognized it as my father ‘s almost
immediately. There was a tinge of panic to his tone and I struggled to make sense of it and
open my eyes, confused about what was going on. I tried to respond but I couldn't seem to
get words to form, strangled moans vibrating through my chest when I tried.
“Wake up, son,” he said impatiently. “It’s important. You need to wake up.”
I forced my eyes open but winced at the pain radiating from my head and down through my
body. It was intense and I groaned as I tried to move, the stabbing feeling only spreading
from each attempt. “Fuck,” I mumbled, my voice scratchy and just as painful as the rest of
me. My vision was distorted, everything blurring together so I blinked a few
times in frustration.
“You scared the hell out of me,” my father said, his voice sounding startlingly close
compared to before and making me flinch in surprise. The movement hurt, my entire body
feeling like it was on fire.
“What the fuck?” I said, bringing my hands up to rub my eyes. I was clearly in the car, the
entire front of it destroyed and wedged against some trees. Smoke and heat were still
filtering out from under the hood so I knew I couldn't have been there too long. I was dizzy
and turned my head to see my father standing beside the drivers side door, looking
distressed. I made a move to get out, but he grabbed a hold of me to stop me.
“You shouldn’t move in case you’re injured,” he said seriously. I pushed his hands off of me
with irritation and shook my head, squinting because my head was pounding forcefully.
“I’m fine,” I muttered, not sure if that was the truth but I hated when my father tried to
play doctor with me. I climbed out and grasped onto the side of the car to stabilize myself,
my legs wobbly and everything still spinning. “What the hell happened?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he asked right away. “Where’s Isabella?”
“Excuse me?” I said, my brow furrowing in confusion at his question. What the fuck did he
mean, where was Isabella? It took a second for the fog to clear and everything to hit me,
and I turned quickly to look back into the car, my movement making everything start to
spin again. I felt sick right away and my knees buckled as I hunched over and started
vomiting.
“You’ve got a serious concussion,” my father said. “Probably some fractured ribs.
Looks like a broken nose and…”
“Quit fucking diagnosing me,” I spat, trying to get a hold of myself. “Where the fuck is
Isabella?”
“I just asked you that,” he snapped back. “I was on my way to the house and saw the car
here.”
“Fuck,” I said, shaking my head in uncertainty. My panic was flaring and I was trying to
keep myself calm, but I was on the verge of hyperventilating. “I, uh… she was with me. We
were at the fucking house and someone started shooting at us. Jacob got shot and…”
“Jacob was shot?” he interrupted in shock. “Where is he?”
“Christ, I guess he's still at the fucking house. I don't know. They were shooting, and there
wasn’t anything I could do to help him. I had to leave him and get the fuck out of there,” I
responded, fighting back the immense guilt. I wasn’t sure which fucking hurt worse at that
second, the emotional anguish or the physical pain. Was he seriously fucking dead? “I got
Isabella in the car and she got hit by a bullet and…”
“She was shot, too?” he yelled, panicked, the sound of his loud voice making my head
pound harder.
“It was just a fucking graze, stop yelling and listen goddamn it!” I snapped, covering my
ears and trying to make the pain stop. “We were trying to get away but a fucking SUV ran
up on us, and here we are. Or, fuck, here I am. Christ, where the fuck is she?!”
"We'll find her," my father said, his voice suddenly calm. I climbed to my feet and glanced
at him, freezing when something near the tree line a few yards behind him caught my
attention.
"What the fuck?" I said in shock, my heart pounding forcefully when I realized it was a
person. I couldn't make out who they were from the distance, but just their goddamn
presence was enough to send me into a panic. My father glanced in that direction
nonchalantly, sighing.
"Laurent," he said simply.
"Laurent?" I asked in shock, knowing he was one of the Borgata. He was one of Royce's
foot soldiers and ran with the same crew as James. "Fuck, you killed him?"
"He's alive," he responded, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. "He's
got a gunshot wound to the abdomen and is out cold, but it's not necessarily fatal. Missed
his major organs but I'm venturing a guess it hit his spinal cord."
"A gut shot? I thought you shot to kill?" I asked in confusion. My father never fucking
missed, when he shot someone that shit was fatal.
"I didn't shoot him," he said, shaking his head. "I found him there and was hoping you
could tell me what happened to him."
"You fucking found him there? What the fuck?" I asked. It didn't make any goddamn
sense and I just stared at my father for a moment, completely bewildered. I turned and
staggered over to the car, glancing around inside of it in a panic for some sign of what the
hell happened. The passenger side door was open and I knew Isabella wasn’t in the
goddamn car, but I didn’t know what else to do. She’d had her seatbelt on and it was
unlatched, so she couldn’t have gotten hurt too bad in the accident. There wasn’t any
fucking blood on her side, at least. “Maybe she went for help,” I mumbled, tossing things
around. “Damnit, and where’s my fucking gun?”
I froze the moment I said the words, my eyes falling on the single .45 caliber cartridge lying
on the passenger side floorboard. My brow furrowed in confusion as I reached down and
picked it up, realizing immediately it had come from my gun but knowing goddamn well I
hadn’t personally fired it in the fucking car. I got back out of the car and eyed it warily as
my father sighed.
“I had a feeling something like this would happen,” he said quietly. “Even before I knew
she was related to Aro. After everything I had lost, I knew saving her wouldn’t be easy.
They all knew how important it was to me and they may not have known her ties to the
organization, but they knew her personal significance. I never truly worried she’d run
away, but I was afraid someone would take her for leverage. That’s the main reason I had
her chipped, you know.”
I tensed up the moment he said it, despair rocking me and bringing me to my knees at the
mention of the fucking chip. “Fucking James,” I whispered, knowing he had her and there
was no easy way to find her because I’d convinced my brother to fuck with her chip.
“Yes. No one has heard from him in days. He was called in for a sit-down and didn’t show
up. It was the reason I was going to Chicago this weekend. I didn’t put the pieces together
until now,” he said, shaking his head in frustration. “How could I be so fucking stupid?”
I felt the bile rising up and I tried to fight it back as his words echoed in my mind on a loop
along with the furious pounding. How could I be so fucking stupid? The thought of her
being somewhere with James sickened me, all of the possible outcomes distressing. I
couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was going through, what that sick motherfucker
was doing to her. I hoped she was keeping her fucking strength and she wasn’t too afraid,
and I hoped like hell he kept his goddamn hands off of her.
“I’ll fucking kill him,” I snapped, my anger skyrocketing as I eyed the spent shell casing in
my hand. “I swear to God, he'll fucking pay for hurting her.”
“He will,” my father said coldly. “One way or another he’ll get what’s coming to him, but
right now we need to be more concerned with finding her. Alec is on his way here to help
out, and I need to get back to the house to get a lock on her location.”
“That’s going to be hard,” I said quietly.

“Why?” he asked, raising an eyebrow curiously with an unamused expression on his face.
I sighed and shook my head, unsure of what to fucking say. It had been one of the worst
days of my life and was only getting worse with each passing second. The love of my life
was missing, somewhere out there with a fucking psychopath, and it was my goddamn fault
we weren't going to be able to find her right away. I would never fucking forgive myself if
something happened to her because of my stupidity, would die if we were too fucking late
to save her. I had survived the accident, but I wasn’t so sure I would walk away from the
aftermath, and I knew my father was going to fucking lose it when he found out what I had
done.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, tears forming in my eyes as I apologized for the second time in
one day. "I fucked up."
Chapter 69 Solitude
“Solitude is strength; to depend on the presence of the crowd is weakness. The
man who needs a mob to nerve him is much more alone than he imagines.” --
Paul Brunton
The moment the loud bang ripped through the air, every bit of composure I was fighting to
keep crumbled. I had done everything I could to remain calm, but watching Jacob’s body
jolt forward abruptly as he staggered and grabbed his chest broke me. Horrified, I
screamed as terror coursed through my veins at the realization that I had been right. I had
hoped when I awoke on the cold wooden floor to complete stillness and quiet that maybe it
had only been my imagination, but when I saw the red staining the front of Jacob’s shirt as
he slumped forward to the ground, I knew it was true. He was there, somewhere in the
distance, stalking us just like a predator stalks its prey. I wasn’t sure why he was there, or
what it was he wanted, but I finally knew for a fact that it hadn’t just been my subconscious
playing tricks on me. It wasn’t just some ugly nightmare that could be forgotten when I
reopened my eyes.
He was really there… and he was obviously out for blood.
Edward jumped off of the porch and landed on me, roughly throwing me to the ground
beside the car as another loud bang ripped through the air. Pain shot down my spine when
I collided with the gravel and I gasped as the air was forced from my lungs. I clung to him
as my body violently shook, the image of Jacob falling forward burned into my brain.
Edward started whispering something about counting to three and getting into the car but I
couldn’t focus on his words, my fear causing the blood to pump vigorously through my
veins and echo in my ears. I could hear the gunshots continue to ring out and felt his body
tense up as a bullet struck the car, his impatience growing. I finally agreed to his
instructions, knowing there was no other option, and he reached up to open the passenger
door for me.
He was trying to remain calm and be strong, but I could see the fear in his expression. He
was no more certain that things were going to be fine than I was, but he looked me in the
eyes and told me everything was going to be okay regardless. I wasn’t sure what was going
to happen to us when he let go of me, but I knew I needed to hold on to his words. I needed
to believe that we hadn’t come as far as we had only to reach our ending lying there in the
driveway. We couldn’t go out without a fight, without at least trying, but even if we lost I
knew it would have been worth it. I stared at him as he tried to reassure me and in that
moment I recalled what Jasper had said to me the night of the Halloween party, the words
he spoke when I was afraid to step out of the shadows and really live.
Nella vita - chi non risica - non rosica. In life, nothing ventured, nothing gained. We might
not get the outcome we hoped for, but if we didn't even try we were guaranteed to get
nothing.
He started counting and my fear escalated briefly as I told him to wait, devastated by the
realization that this could have been our last moment together. I told him I loved him,
needing to make sure he knew it at least one last time, and I saw the confusion and hurt in
his eyes at my words. He told me to stop acting as if I wouldn’t see him again and grabbed
his gun, a look of determination taking over as he clicked the safety off. My heart was
pounding forcefully as he firmly said ‘three’ and stood up with no hesitation, pointing his
weapon and pulling the trigger. The shot rang out as I grabbed the car door and pulled
myself up, crawling into the seat and slamming the door closed. I curled up as the gunfire
continued, trying to calm myself down and silently praying to any God that would listen to
me for Edward to be okay. My eyes were stinging as the tears poured from them, but I kept
silently chanting Edward’s words in my mind as I fought to keep myself together. It was
going to be okay…
He got into the car and cursed, the sound of the word ‘fuck’ actually soothing me because I
knew he was alright. He started the car up and there was another gunshot along with the
sound of glass shattering, both immediately followed by an intense burning on the top of
my arm. I screamed, the pain catching me off guard, and grabbed a hold of the spot quickly
as Edward put the car in gear and started pulling away in a rush.
He grabbed a hold of me to check my wound, and I started yelling about Jacob because
he’d been shot, like I had, and we were just leaving him at the house. Edward said it was
too late, and I was devastated at the knowledge that Jacob had been hurt trying to help me.
Edward glanced over at me and told me once more that we would be okay, but I could tell
even his confidence was wavering. He yelled ‘fuck’ again as he sped up, the sound of the
word having the opposite effect as it had only moments before. I turned around quickly to
look behind us, seeing the large black vehicle approaching fast. I was struck with panic as
he told me to put on my seatbelt, his tone serious so I didn’t hesitate for a moment to
listen.
I stared at him, horrified and wanting desperately to believe that we were really going to be
okay, but every bit of hope I had dissolved when he tensed up and looked at me with sheer
terror.
“Edward,” I whispered, panicked by his expression.
“I love you, too,” he responded, his voice cracking as he spoke. I stared at him in shock as
he mumbled ‘Sempre’, the final word sounding almost as if it were a goodbye. My heart
ached at the sound of it and I started to respond, wanting to tell him that I would never
give up, but before I could utter a single word we were jolted roughly as the large vehicle
slammed into us from behind. The car skidded off the side of the road and I screamed as
Edward let go of the wheel and threw his hands protectively in front of me, and I squeezed
my eyes shut as we headed straight off of the small embankment toward the woods.
I was thrust forward as we crashed into some trees, my breath leaving my body and cutting
off my screams as the seatbelt locked into place. The airbags deployed with a loud bang,
frightening me as I slammed into it and I gasped for air. My vision blurred as pain coursed
through my body and I blinked rapidly, trying to clear it. The airbag started to deflate
immediately and I glanced over at the driver’s side in shock, my chest feeling as if it were
on fire. Edward was slumped forward and wasn’t moving, his rapidly deflating airbag
splattered with blood from his face. He was eerily still, the sight of him nearly stopping my
heart.
“Edward!” I screamed, trying to reach for him but the seatbelt was still locked up, holding
me to my seat. I grasped at it until I got it to disengage, throwing it off and ignoring the
pain as I leaned toward him. I grabbed a hold of him and started shaking him as hard as I
could, confused and frightened about what was happening. He didn’t respond at all so I
searched his wrists for a pulse, even though I had no idea how to find one. I pawed at him,
trying to find some sign of life, and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him take a shaky
breath. I kept a hold of him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, and kept repeating his
name in hopes that he’d come around.
I heard the squeak of a car door and tensed up, pulling away from Edward and turning
around to look out of the back window. Fear shot through me when I spotted the large
black vehicle alongside the road, everything hitting me at once. I started hyperventilating
and shaking Edward, glancing around the car in a panic. I turned back around quickly and
spotted two people --one of them was vaguely familiar and it took me a second to realize I
recognized him from his visit to Dr. Cullen with the organization. I believed his name was
Laurent.
I heard another door close on the driver’s side as something caught my eye in the distance,
and I watched in shock as the little red car that I knew belonged to Heidi pulled up beside
the black vehicle. I watched in horror as James got out of her passenger seat, leaning in to
say something to her before she drove away. I had no idea what any of them wanted, but I
knew enough to realize I was seriously outnumbered and in grave danger.
I considered getting out and trying to run, but I didn’t want to leave Edward behind. There
was no way I could just leave him there, out cold, and unable fend for himself.
“Edward, please,” I said in a panic, unsure of what I was supposed to do. “God, I need you!
Please!”
I groaned when he remained still and could hear hushed voices as the men approached, my
distress increasing. I glanced down in the front seat in desperation and caught sight of the
black handgun on the floorboard, my heart pounding vigorously at the sight of it. I
hesitated for a split second before reaching down, grasping the handle and pulling it out.
My hands shook as I clutched it and I put my finger on the trigger, not entirely sure exactly
what I was doing but knowing I needed to protect myself somehow. I watched as a form
approach the driver's side and panicked the moment it was close enough that I was able to
recognize James’s face. He had a malicious smile on his lips as he glanced at me, and not a
shred of fear in his expression when he saw the gun in my hand.
My eyes widened in terror and I reacted instinctively, raising the gun up and pulling the
trigger instantly. The loud bang rang out as it went off and I yelped, remembering to keep a
grip on it so the gun didn’t slip out of my hand from the kickback. The bullet shattered
what was left of the driver’s side window and grazed James in the face, my shaky hands
throwing off any aim I might’ve had. He grasped his cheek in shock and I heard a scream
behind him, my attention shifting instantly. James turned and I saw the man named
Laurent drop to the ground a few feet away and I stared, stunned when I realized I’d shot
him. James spun back around, pulling his pistol out of his waistband as he reached in the
window, and grabbed Edward by the hair. He pulled Edward's head back violently and
pointed the gun to his temple, staring at me pointedly. The passenger side door was pulled
open abruptly and I heard a click before something was pressed against the side of my
head, realizing immediately it was a gun. I tensed up and was shaking fiercely, staring at
James in horror as his pointer finger lightly pressed against the trigger of his gun.
“Drop the fucking gun,” the man standing behind me said, in an angry, heavily accented
voice I had never heard before. I let go of the gun instantly and it dropped to my lap,
keeping my hands in the air so they’d know I wasn’t playing any games. The gun against my
head was removed and the guy grabbed my arm, roughly yanking me. I yelped as he
dragged me out of the car, throwing me to the ground on my back. I stared at him in shock
as he reached inside the car and grabbed Edward’s gun, checking it out for a second before
yelling James’s name. I looked over at the vehicle as James put his own gun away,
slamming Edward’s head against the steering wheel hard before letting go of him.
“Please,” I screamed, instantly feeling sick as the word rolled from my lips. “Please don’t
hurt him!”
“Shut up,” he said casually, holding his hand up. The man tossed Edward’s gun to James
and he caught it, checking it out briefly and smirking. “This is nice. Did your boyfriend
teach you how to use this thing?”
I just stared at him and the guy beside me lost his patience, whipping his gun out and
pointing it at me again. “Answer his fucking question.”
“Yes!” I said quickly, nodding vigorously.
“I swear, I never understood what Aro saw in him,” James said, shaking his head. “Principe
della Mafia, the future of the organization. He doesn’t have the brains for this. Stupid little
shit, teaching a slave how to shoot a gun. That’s almost as bad as falling in love with one.”
“Slave?” the third guy said, nonchalantly walking toward James from where he’d been
standing near Laurent. He was also a stranger to me but had a callousness about him that
immediately made me uneasy. “I thought she was…”
James turned around quickly to point the gun at the guy’s head and he froze, throwing his
hands up defensively. “You either shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you,” James said
coldly.
“Fuck, sorry, man,” he said, sounding caught off guard but not entirely frightened. “I wasn’t
thinking.” James stared at him for a moment before lowering the gun and turning back to
face me. He was quiet as he gazed at me, an eerie silence surrounding us. My chest burned
and every breath hurt, my heart pounding with so much force that I thought it would
explode.
“Get her up, we don’t have time to dick around,” he said coolly after a moment, taking
Edward’s gun and slipping it into his coat. My eyes widened in shock when the man beside
me reached down and grabbed my arm, yanking me to my feet roughly. I stumbled and
nearly fell but he kept a grasp on my arm to keep me from hitting the ground. He pulled me
toward their vehicle as I began to hyperventilate, my eyes darting around frantically as I
looked for some way to escape.
“What of Laurent?” the third man asked, glancing over at where he lay on the ground.
“Leave him,” James said, shrugging. “I would’ve had to kill him eventually anyway.”
“And the kid?” the man asked, turning to look into the car. “Cullen?” I tensed up at the
mention of Edward and James shrugged again.
“Kill him,” he said nonchalantly. My heart felt like it stopped in that instant, pain radiating
out through every inch of my body. I screamed, trying to pull away from the man holding
onto to me, intense fear buckling me as my knees gave out. His grasp on me slipped and I
collapsed onto the ground, sobs ripping through me as the man walked over to the car.
“Please!” I screamed, trembling and on the verge of getting sick. “Please don’t! Please!”
“Get her up,” James barked angrily.
“Please!” I screamed again. “I’ll do anything, I swear! Please don’t kill him! God, please, I’ll
go with you, I will! I won’t fight! Just don’t kill him!”
My sobs were loud, my voice breaking from the intensity. The thought alone devastated me
but it felt like the entire world stopped in that moment when the man drew his gun and
pointed it at Edward. I let out a shriek, the sound originating somewhere down inside of
my soul and resonating so loudly that my own ears rang and my throat burned. Both men
in front of me recoiled from the sound and something hard slammed into the back of my
head, pain ripping through my skull and down my spine, the force of the blow silencing me
as I gasped.
“Shut the fuck up,” the man with the thick accent said, followed by another strong blow,
which caused me to fall forward onto the ground. I brought my hands up to cover the back
of my head defensively as I cried out.
“Please!” I screamed again, not caring what happened to me as long as they didn’t touch
Edward. I knew he was still alive and I needed him to stay that way, no matter the cost. His
family had suffered enough, they all had suffered enough, and he was entirely too
important for his life to be ended. “God, please! I love him! Please, I’ll do anything! Don’t
shoot him!”
Something slammed into my side and I gasped from the pain, realizing that I'd been kicked
in the ribs. I whimpered, trying to catch my breath and control my sobs as I continued to
scream for them to leave Edward alone.
“Alright, that’s enough,” James said firmly. “We need her in one piece. Just leave the boy.”
I glanced up at him with shock, trying to fight back the smidgen of hope that threatened to
explode at his words because I knew he couldn’t be trusted. I watched as the man lowered
his gun and James walked over to me, reaching down and grabbing a hold of me. He pulled
me to my feet, eyeing me so intently that it made my skin crawl. His closeness sent chills of
fright through me as my body shook violently, but I tried my best to appear calm.
He pulled me close to him and leaned down, his nose grazing my cheek. I could smell him,
the scent making me sick and I fought back the urge to vomit. “He’ll die soon, anyway,” he
said quietly, his breath hitting my cheek and I held my own, revolted by him. He pulled
away and smirked, winking as he let go of me. I collapsed to the ground and started dry
heaving, unable to control my reaction.
“Hurry the hell up and get her in the car,” James said, walking away. I cried out as arms
wrapped around my waist and pulled me up from the ground, dragging me toward the
road. I frantically looked back at the silver car and could faintly make out Edward’s form
slumped over, the sight of him crippling the last of my resolve. I started screaming his
name, shrieking that I loved him and desperately hoping that he could hear me, that even if
that were our last moment together, he would know.
“Shut up,” the man snapped, covering my mouth to silence me. I panicked and bit down on
his hand instinctively, a scream ringing out as my teeth tore his flesh. He pulled away from
me quickly and the moment he let go I started bolting for the car, yelling Edward’s name as
the tears slipped from my eyes and blurred my vision. The moment I made it to the driver’s
side someone grabbed me and I cried out in fear, clutching a hold of the door and trying to
cling to it in desperation. The broken glass sliced my hand as they pried me away from the
car.
“I thought you were going to play nice?” James said, his voice causing me to shudder. He
dragged me back to the vehicle roughly, not even flinching as I tried to fight him off. I
screamed as he pulled me into the back seat, trying unsuccessfully to hit and kick him off of
me. The other men climbed in and the tires squealed as they pulled away quickly, sobs
vibrating my chest as the tears flooded my eyes.
“It’s really a shame I have to do this,” he said, grabbing a small pouch off of the floor and
unzipping it. “You and I could’ve had some fun.” My eyes widened in horror when he pulled
out a needle full of clear liquid and I started shaking my head in a panic.
“No, please, no,” I said quickly, knowing I needed to be coherent to find a way out of the
situation. “I swear I won’t fight anymore.”
“You expect me to believe you? Now?” he said incredulously, laughing. He glanced at me

and smirked maliciously. “This might hurt just a bit.”
I gasped as his hand shot out and grasped me around the throat, cutting off my air supply. I
started struggling and trying to pry his hand off of me but he wouldn’t budge. My vision
blurred after a moment without oxygen and I slammed my fists into him as hard as I could,
trying to knock the needle out of his hand but he jabbed it into my thigh quickly, a stinging
sensation shooting up my leg. He held onto me tightly for a minute longer as I started
fading out, slipping into unconsciousness.
Noises filtered in sporadically, muffled sentences and incoherent words spoken in voices I
couldn’t recognize. None of it made sense to me, and it would fade back out as quickly as it
came. I wasn’t sure how much time passed, each second feeling like an eternity within the
blackness. As soon as I would start to think the fog was lifting, I would be sucked right back
down into it.
It could’ve been as short as hours or as long as weeks, but I ventured to guess it was
somewhere in the middle before I started coming back around again. With the
consciousness came pain, and I couldn’t seem to move no matter how much I tried. My
head was pounding forcefully and I peeked my eyes open, everything blurry as it felt like
tiny grains of sand were embedded in them. The room was darkened with a small fraction
of light filtering in from a window somewhere off to the side, and it was clearly night but I
couldn’t tell what time it was or if the sun was rising or setting.
Every inch of my body ached, sharp pains coursing through me. I tried to move and
groaned, the sound muffled and barely audible. My mouth was dry and my throat burned
so I tried to swallow, confused when I realized I couldn’t move my lips because something
was covering them. I had no idea what was going on, where I was or what was happening,
but it scared me. I glanced around the room, trying to make things out in the darkness and
saw it was vacant except for a few chairs and a table, the floor seeming to be concrete. It
appeared to be a warehouse of some sort and I turned my head, tying to get a better look
around, but an intense pain shot down my spine, stopping me. I was sore and felt like I had
been battered and bruised. I felt abused.
I felt…dead.
The moment that thought registered with me Edward came to mind, panic flooding my
system when I recalled what had happened. We’d left Edward in the car, alone and
bleeding but still alive, and I desperately hoped he was okay. I hoped someone found him
or he woke up before it was too late, because I couldn’t accept the possibility that he could
be lost to the world forever. He needed to be okay… I needed him to be okay.
My eyes darted around in alarm when I heard the banging of a door followed by the sound
of high heels clicking against the concrete. I sat perfectly still as they approached from
behind, my heart racing furiously. I was dizzy and disoriented, trying to cling to alertness
but my body was threatening to give in to unconsciousness once more.
I looked up cautiously as the person walked past me, squinting in the darkness and
struggling to focus. It was clearly a woman with long, fiery red hair, and she had on a tight
tan dress with matching shoes. I’d never seen her before that I could recall and something
about the way she carried herself was intimidating. She turned her head and glanced at me
after a second, her footsteps stopping abruptly when we made eye contact. Even in the
darkness I could see her eyes were bright green, her stare piercing.
“You’re awake,” she said casually, hesitating briefly before sitting her purse down on the
table across the room and starting toward me. I tensed up as she neared, flinching as her
hand shot out toward me. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, bracing myself for a hit, but was
stunned when she simply felt my cheeks before placing her hand against my forehead. “I’m
surprised.”
I reopened my eyes and stared at her with surprise, completely confused about what was
going on. She pulled her hand away and disappeared behind me, banging things around for
a second before returning with a plastic cup and a straw sticking out of it. She stared in my
eyes for a moment before smiling.
“If I take this tape off of your mouth you have to be quiet,” she said, quirking her eyebrow
at me. “Do you think you can manage that?”
I nodded hesitantly and she gripped the corner of the tape, pulling on it quickly. I fought
the urge to yell as it was tugged from my skin roughly, my lips immediately throbbing. I
licked them and winced at the burning sensation, knowing they were cracked and swollen.
The woman put the straw up to my mouth, staring at me expectantly, and I hesitated. She
smiled after a second, letting out a light, amused laugh. “It’s water,” she reassured me.
I wasn’t sure what to think of her, the fact that she wasn’t entirely hostile completely
catching me off guard. I was still groggy and confused, part of me screaming not to trust
her, but there was a bigger part of me that was desperate to accept the drink. My throat
ached and I needed my thirst quenched, knowing dehydration wasn’t helping me stay lucid.
I gave in after a moment and sucked on the straw, the cold liquid soothing my burning
chest.
She pulled the cup away eventually and sat it on the floor beside me, smoothing the
wrinkles from her dress. “I thought for sure he put you out for good, honey,” she said. “I
told him that last dosage was too much but that little whore assured him you’d be fine, that
it would last a few hours at most. I don’t know why he never listens to me. I was beginning
to think you were brain dead with as long as you’ve been out of it.”
I stared at her as I tried to process what she was saying, watching as she walked over and
started searching through her purse for something. She pulled a cell phone out after a
moment and dialed a number, bringing it up to her ear.
“She’s awake,” she said when the person answered. “I gave her some water.” There was a
pause and even from the distance I could see her face twist with annoyance. “Did you want
me to let her die? She has to be dehydrated. She’s been out of it for days!”
I gaped at her in shock. Days? How many days? Where was I?
“You might want to get that whore over here to check her out now that she woke up. I’ll
stick around until you guys get here,” she said before hanging up. She sat her phone down
on the table and I stared at it, my mind searching for a way I could get a hold of it. I was
secured tightly with my hands tied behind my back, so I had no idea how I'd ever be able to
accomplish it.
“So Edward Cullen, eh?” she said, the sound of his name tearing me from my thoughts. I
looked at her apprehensively, frightened and wondering why she was bringing him up. I
immediately wondered if she’d know if he was okay and considered asking since she had
been kind to me for the most part, but the voice in the back of my mind fiercely screamed
for me not to seem weak or vulnerable in any way. “I remember him from when we were
kids. Faintly, of course, since it was a long time ago. But still, I remember him. He was a
momma’s boy from what I recall. Always clung to his mother like his survival depended
upon her.”
My eyes narrowed as she laughed, the sound making me nauseous. “It’s a shame what
happened, but that’s life. We all have rules we have to follow. Guess she missed the memo,”
she said sarcastically. My initial impression of her as being kind was wavering, my
fogginess messing with my ability to think clearly. She disappeared from my line of sight
briefly before appearing with a pack of crackers, opening them up and holding one out to
me. “You’re going to want to eat these, because there’s no telling when you’ll have another
chance.”
I eyed her cautiously, not wanting to accept anything from her, but I didn’t want to allow
my stubbornness to kill my opportunity to get some strength. My stomach hurt and I could
feel the familiar pangs of hunger I’d grown accustomed to over the years. I gave in after a
second and took a bite, a smile forming on her lips at my obedience.
She fed me the crackers and gave me some more water as my eyes grew heavy. I fought
back the sleepiness, not wanting to fall unconscious again, but it was taking control of me.
My body started growing numb and I felt lightheaded, realizing, as the pain in my body
lifted and the sounds grew muffled, that I’d been drugged again.
I slipped back under and eventually heard talking, everything beginning to grow clearer
with each passing minute. I couldn’t make out what was being said, some of the words
foreign and in unfamiliar voices. Light filtered in through my eyelids and I peeked them
open, trying to block out the intense pain coursing through my body. I blinked rapidly in an
attempt to clear my vision but everything was hazy and my eyes stung once again, the
brightly lit room causing me to squint. I could make out a few different people standing
around the room, and could see the newly familiar, fiery, red hair nearby. I tried to focus on
it and stared at the woman in confusion, noticing her clothes were different than before.
“Good morning, sunshine,” she said, her eyes fixated on me. Everyone stopped talking and
I glanced around cautiously, my heart rate accelerating when I spotted James. He had a
bandage on his cheek from where the bullet had grazed him. He strolled over toward the
red haired woman and I watched as he draped his arm over her shoulder, pulling her
toward him. Her face lit up as she looked at him adoringly and she leaned over to press her
lips to his, the sight making me sick. He was disgusting and vicious, had tried to have sex
with me against my will, and that woman was happy to have him touch her. It was
disturbing.
“Ah, 'Sleeping Beauty' is awake?” an unfamiliar voice with a thick accent rang out behind
me, startlingly close. I tensed up in alarm as James laughed.
“Didn’t even take a kiss from her prince to do it,” he said with amusement. The woman
rolled her eyes and nudged him in the ribs, their playfulness unsettling.
“How are you feeling?” the foreign man asked, stepping around so he was in my line of
sight. I stared at him curiously, taking in his unfamiliar features. He had light collared hair
that was significantly gray and blue eyes that were somewhat slanted, his nose large and
distinct. He was older, and based on the wrinkles lining his face I assumed he was at least
in his early sixties, if not older. “Can you speak, принцесса мафии?”
My brow furrowed in confusion at the foreign words and he smiled. “Ah, confused, are we?
You’re more comfortable with the Italians. Jamie, boy, what’s the word I’m looking for?”
“Principessa,” James answered.
“Yes, that’s it. Do you know that one?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously, obviously
expecting some sort of response from me. I nodded hesitantly after a second, recognizing it
from when people referred to Edward as a mafia prince. I cringed from the pain, my neck
so sore that even the slightest movement hurt. “Are you hurting, principessa?” he asked. I
just stared at him, unsure of how to answer his question, and he smiled. “You may speak
freely. We’re all friends here.”
I gave him an incredulous look and they all started laughing, obviously amused at my
reaction. “I don’t think she believes you,” the red haired woman said.
“So it appears,” the man responded, gazing at me curiously. “I can’t say I blame you. You
shouldn’t trust people, especially the ones you associate with. The way they treat their own
sometimes is quite shameful. But I assure you, I will never lie to you as they have.”
My eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice scratchy
and barely audible.
“Ah, she speaks! Progress!” he said excitedly. “What I’m talking about is the fact that your
Italians have not been very honest with you, nor have they treated you very fairly. It truly is
a shame principessa.”
“Why do you keep calling me that?” I asked, shaking my head. I was still groggy and he was
confusing me.
“Principessa?” he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. “Would you prefer I call you by
your slave name, Isabella Swan?”
“I, uh…” I started, unsure of how to answer his question. “I don’t know.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “I still can’t believe they haven’t told you,” he said, more to
himself than anyone else.
“I told you,” James chimed in. “She’s clueless.”
The man stared at me and I averted my gaze, the attention uncomfortable. He walked away
after a second and I could see him grab a collapsible metal chair from the corner of my eye.
He pulled it over and sat it in front of me, plopping down in it and leaning toward me, his
hands clasped together in front of him. I could feel his eyes on me and I started to squirm a
bit, despite my restraints, because his close proximity was nerve-racking. I didn’t know
who he was but his presence made me uneasy.
“You’re probably wondering who I am and what you’re doing here,” he said after a
moment, his tone suddenly serious. “I’ll level with you, princess. I really have no desire to
hurt you, but I will if you make me. So I’m asking you up front for your cooperation so I
don’t have to. I know you’ve got a little feistiness in you, considering you’ve now twice
scarred my son.”
My brow furrowed and I looked up at him in confusion, unsure of what he was talking
about. He smirked when I made eye contact and glanced behind him, my eyes widening in
shock when he looked at James. His son?!
“I should probably start at the beginning,” he said as he turned back to me. “My name is
Stephan Volkov and I have been acquainted with the Cullen’s for many years. Our families
are in the same business and have had quite a few, uh, encounters over the years. In fact,
Carlisle was a child the first time I personally met him. He was a pretentious little prick,
much like I hear his youngest son is.”
He laughed, as did James, and I narrowed my eyes angrily at their mention of Edward.
“Did I strike a nerve, principessa?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly with an
amused expression on his face. “I hear he’s quite enamored with you. I sure do hope he’s all
right, by the way. It would be a pity if something were to happen to him. Let’s just hope it
doesn’t come to that.”
I held back my anger but I could feel my body shaking, worst-case scenarios running
through my mind. “Don’t,” I whispered, my eyes blurring with tears. “Please don’t…”
“Ah, don’t worry. I don’t want to hurt the principe any more than I want to hurt you. If it
helps at all, I haven’t heard of any deaths in Forks so he’s probably fine. But then again, I’ve
heard nothing of Laurent or that meddlesome reservation boy either, and James has
assured me that neither of them would have survived,” he said, shrugging. His voice was
nonchalant, almost as if he were taunting me. I tried to fight back my tears but the mention
of Edward was too much for me to take. They started streaming down my cheeks, my eyes
burning.
“Aw, don’t cry,” he said, reaching his hand out toward me. I flinched away quickly out of
instinct and cried out as the pain surged through my body. He froze and dropped his hand
before touching me, shrugging. “Well, then. Anyway, where was I?”
“You were talking about how much of a shithead Carlisle was,” James chimed in.
“Ah, yes. Carlisle. This was before he met that slave wife of his, of course. Pity what
happened to her. I suppose I should feel guilty about that, but in my defense I never asked
her for any of it. It is quite funny, though, her unknowingly trying to fix my messes. A bit
ironic, actually, considering…” he said with a laugh. I gaped at him in shock as I tried to
process what he was saying, completely caught off guard by the mention of Elizabeth.
“You?” I asked, not even entirely sure what I was asking but he seemed to be insinuating
that it had all somehow been his fault. I’d been under the impression the Swans were
entirely to blame for everything.
“You really are clueless, aren’t you?” he said, shaking his head. “Yes, principessa. Me. I was
amused when she took in that bastard child of mine, but I couldn’t believe it when I found
out she was trying to rescue you. What are the odds, honestly?”
I stared at him, blinking in confusion as I tried to clear my vision. His child?! “Emmett,” I
gasped, stunned.
“Yes, the one they call Emmett,” he said. “His mother… she was a, uh, friend of mine.”
He chuckled, the sound making me sick. I tried to hold back my disgust and looked away
from him, knowing from what Emmett told me that his mother, Maria, had been raped.
“It’s quite something, isn’t it? Jamie has kept me up to date on him. I hear he’s not too far
from here at Notre Dame with that beautiful girlfriend of his. I’ve been considering
dropping by and introducing myself. He’d be a nice asset,” he said casually. My heart was
pounding furiously as the dread coursed through me at the thought of Emmett and Rosalie
in danger and there was no way for me to warn them.
“I don’t understand,” I said, nothing he was saying making sense. I shook my head as I
furiously tried to sort through everything, wishing the fog would clear from my mind so I
could put the pieces together. “How can that be? And where are we?” He’s said Notre Dame
wasn’t far from us, but I knew for a fact that it was over two thousand miles from Forks.
“Chicago,” he said simply, looking at me as if I were stupid. “What don’t you understand?”
“Your son?” I asked, my brow furrowing as I glanced over at James. He was eyeing me
curiously with a smirk on his lips. “How can that be? I thought he was Aro’s family.”
“That man is not my family,” James snapped, his expression shifting quickly to anger. “He
might be yours but he’s nothing to me.”
“Relax, Jamie,” Stephan said calmly.
“What?” I asked quickly, even more confused. My family? “What are you talking about?”
“We’re talking about you, principessa,” Stephan said.
“What do I have to do with any of this?” I asked.
“Everything,” he said, a wicked smile forming on his lips. “You see, Isabella Swan, whether
or not you know it, you’ve got the power to help me bring down the enemy and that’s
exactly what you’re going to do.”
“The enemy?” I asked hesitantly, frightened of the answer. He nodded.
“Yes. You see, I’ve been slowly laying the groundwork around Chicago, taking over the
businesses around here. We’ve nearly completely wiped out all of the competition except
for the Italians. They’ve been resistant for years. People are loyal to them and they’ve
proven to be strong. I’ve found little ways in here and there, turned a few like the Swans
years ago, but none of them were powerful enough. I needed to get something bigger,
someone higher up. I needed to crack the leadership and Jamie, here, has been working to
create a rift but until now they’ve been able to hold themselves together. But… it’s different
now. Now I have you,” he said.
“Me?” I asked. “But I’m just… I’m no one.”
He laughed loudly. “Oh, if only that were true!” he said. “You are definitely someone. You
see, you have the power to cripple the entire organization starting from the very top. You
single-handedly compromise my three biggest adversaries, the ones standing in my way
from taking over. I have been holding on to this card ever since Carlisle bought you,
wondering the best way to play it, but when I discovered that the Cullen boy was in love
with you I saw the perfect opportunity. I wasn’t entirely sure if Carlisle was even aware of
your heritage, but once that doctor associate of his in Port Angeles disappeared I realized
he’d figured it out and was trying to cover his tracks. And then when Alec got involved and
actually vouched for you, I knew he, too, was in on it. I still wasn’t positive how far they’d
go for you, because I knew they could easily throw you to the wolves to cover their own
asses. However, I do know Carlisle would certainly sacrifice himself for his son, and if the
boy loves you as he claims, he’s going to do anything it takes to try to save you.”
I stared at him in horror as what he was saying sunk in. “You’re hoping Edward comes after
me,” I said. He nodded.
“I’m counting on it, principessa,” he said.
“Why didn’t you just take him then? Why me?” I asked, not completely understanding what
I had to do with any of it. None of the people he wanted to take down truly cared for me,
but they all cared for Edward. Wouldn’t it have just been easier to go straight for him?
“Do you still not see it? You’re my golden ticket. If I kidnapped the Cullen boy they’d all
come with guns blazing. They’d still be organized and trust each other. But with you…
you’re trickier. We need one of his own to tell Aro who you are and rest assured, when the
Cullen boy comes after you and demands action, someone’s going to spill because
otherwise, Aro will just write you off as lost property,” he explained.
“Who am I?” I asked hesitantly, immediately regretting the question because the potential
answers frightened me.
He smirked. “I’ve been trying to tell you. You’re the treasure – the long lost mafia princess.
They’ll all be loose cannons turning against each other when the truth comes out. It will be
every man for themselves, all of them on a mission for selfish reasons. When they come,
and I assure you they eventually will, we’re going to be ready for them. It’s much easier to
have them come to you than to go to them blindly, and when the dust settles, principessa,
everything will be mine for the taking.”
He pushed the chair back to stand up and I watched as he turned to walk away. I was
completely overwhelmed by everything, trying to make sense of all the information he’d
just spewed. I was a mafia princess? That was the secret Dr. Cullen had been keeping about
me, why he’d taken those DNA tests? I was one of his own, a member of Aro’s family? What
did that mean for my future? Did I even have a future?
I was scared as to what it all meant for Edward and the rest of the Cullens, what position
that placed Alec in since he had vouched for me, and how that would affect Esme. I worried
for Emmett and Rosalie, and even Jasper and Alice despite the fact that Stephan hadn’t
mentioned them. I was completely stunned that he’d claimed to be Emmett’s biological
father, but if he was also James’s real father, wouldn’t that make them brothers?! How
could that be?
I mourned for Jacob, worried that he was seriously dead, but a small sliver of hope inside
of me banked on the fact that there had been no reports that he’d died. Could he have
survived? Did that mean Laurent survived as well? Could it be that I didn’t kill him, after
all? Could he tell the Cullens where I was? I was completely distressed about what was to
come, because they’d all sacrificed for me and now their lives were on the line because of
my existence.
“Get her some water and something to eat,” Stephan said, glancing over at the red-haired
lady and James. “Put her in the back when you’re done so she’s out of sight. Let her get
some rest.”
“Oh, I can handle that,” James said, smirking. My fear escalated, my heart pounding with
so much force that I could hear the blood rushing through my veins. I was dizzy, everything
blurring as spots started forming in my vision.
Stephan walked past James but stopped abruptly a few steps away, turning quickly. My
eyes widened in shock as he grabbed a hold of James and swung him around roughly, a
serious expression on his face. “Remember what I said, boy,” he said firmly.
“Got it,” James responded, holding his hands up defensively. “Seriously, I know.” Stephan
paused for a moment before letting go of James and walking out.
The woman walked over and started fiddling with the ropes that were binding me to the
chair, loosening the ones wrapped around my wrists. It burned as I slipped my hands free,
my wrists scuffed and bleeding. She started pulling on the ones tying my legs to the chair
and groaned after a second. “James, I need your help,” she said. James stared at her for a
moment before sighing with annoyance and starting toward us. I watched him cautiously
and tensed up as he reached into his pocket to pull out a knife, holding my breath as he
opened it. He squatted in front of me and slipped the blade between my skin and the
bindings, slicing the rope.
“Go get her something to eat, Vickie,” James said, glancing at the woman. “I’ll keep my eye
on her.”
She smiled and agreed before walking away, the sound of her heels clicking against the
concrete setting my nerves on edge. I heard a door bang behind me, and James smirked.
“Alone at last,” he said quietly.
I sat as still as I could as he slowly started unraveling the rope, my eyes darting around the
room vigilantly, looking for some way out. He pulled the last of the rope off as his hands
slowly started roaming up my legs and I fought back a shudder, my heart racing frantically.
He paused and sat there for a moment gazing at me with his hands on my thighs before he
squeezed tightly, his fingers digging into my flesh. I cringed from the sudden pain as he
pulled himself up, leaning over me with his mouth right next to my ear.
“You're going to pay for marking me,” he whispered. “I’m going to kill your boyfriend the
first chance I get and make sure you watch while I do it.”
A chill of fear shot down my spine when his tongue darted out and swirled around my
earlobe, the sensation repulsing me. I cried out in fright and acted upon instinct, knowing I
needed to get away from him. I pulled my hands out from behind my back and shoved him,
catching him off guard. He stumbled back a few steps but before he could react I pulled my
leg up and slammed it right into his crotch with as much force as I could in my weakened
state. He yelled, his hands grasping the area as he hunched over. I jumped up and turned
around quickly, my vision blurring from the sudden movement, but I could faintly make
out the metal door a few feet away. I sprinted for it, my feet catching on the rope, but by
some miracle I stayed upright and breathed a sight of relief as I reached it. I grasped the
knob quickly and started to turn it but before I could I was grabbed from behind.
“I like it when they put up a fight,” he said breathlessly. I shuddered and cried out for help,
trying to pull from his grasp as he dragged me across the room to another door, pushing it
open with his shoulder. He pulled me inside and shoved me roughly across the room
toward a small metal bed in the corner with a bare mattress on it. I turned around in fright
to look at him, unsure of what he was going to do to me, and tensed up as he grabbed a roll
of duct tape from a small stand right inside the door. He started toward me and I shook my
head frantically, taking steps back as he approached.
“No,” I said, panicked. He smirked.
“Yes,” he sad simply. I glanced around quickly, seeing it was basically some sort of large
utility closet with a small sectioned off bathroom across the room. I tried to dart by him
toward the door but he grabbed my wrist, yanking me toward him roughly. Pain ripped
through my arm and up my shoulder with such intensity that my vision went out briefly
and I screamed. He threw me on the bed and straddled me as I started crying, fear and
sickness brewing inside of me. I started hitting him as hard as I could but my right
shoulder was throbbing and I couldn’t seem to get my arm to do what I needed it to do. I
grasped at his face as he pinned me down, trying to push him away, and my brittle
fingernails caught on his skin, scratching him. I pulled his bandage off and ripped the
stitches underneath it, making him cringe and move his head away as the blood started
running down from his wound. He pulled back from me and raised his fist, slamming it
into my face hard. I shrieked loudly as the tears started flowing, my nose stinging where he
punched me.
He grabbed the duct tape and tore a piece off quickly, covering my mouth and muffling my
noises. I stared at him in horror as he tore off more duct tape, climbing off of me and
jerking me over onto my stomach. He grabbed my arms roughly and pulled them behind
my back, pain radiating through my body from the force of it all. I wailed into the tape
covering my mouth as he started binding my hands and ankles together tightly. I was
sobbing hysterically and trying to catch my breath, unable to do so through my nose. He
stood up after a second and threw the roll of duct tape at me in anger, slamming me in the
side of the head with it. I cringed as he wiped his cheek, bringing his hand up to eye the
blood.
“That’s three times now, bitch,” he spat furiously, turning and walking out. He slammed
the door behind him, all light leaving the room instantly and placing me in total darkness.
I wasn’t sure how long I lay there, trying to ignore the pain, each minute feeling like an
eternity. The red-haired girl named Vickie eventually entered with a bag of food and bottle
of water in her hand, sitting down on the bed beside me. She ripped the duct tape from my
mouth abruptly, the gentleness she’d previously conveyed absent from her movement. She
scowled angrily and shoved food at me, feeding me a few bites before tossing it to the side
and walking out, slamming the door behind her to leave me alone in the darkness once
more.
Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion, waking sometime later to a form standing beside
the bed. I blinked rapidly in the dark, trying to adjust my eyes, and finally able to make out
the somewhat familiar features of Stephan.
“I thought you were going to cooperate, principessa,” he said stoically.
“I, uh… I didn’t mean… I mean, he was going to…” I started, the words cracking as I tried to
get them out. I wasn't even sure what I was going to say, positive the man probably
wouldn't care what I feared James would do to me.
“I don’t need excuses,” he said firmly. “I need cooperation.”
I opened my mouth to speak again but before I could he jabbed me in the thigh with a
needle, the sting paling in comparison to the other pain ravishing my body but still enough
to make me cringe.
“It will be easier this way,” he explained, sitting the needle aside and pulling the duct tape
off of my limbs. I cried out when he pulled on my right arm and he sighed. “Dislocated,” he
said simply before turning to walk away. He exited, locking the door behind him, and I laid
in the darkness for a moment before attempting to sit up. I was parched and my stomach
was churning, feeling as if it were eating itself from the inside. I couldn’t recall ever being
so hungry in my life, not even in Phoenix, and it made me wonder exactly how long I’d
been there already.
I grabbed the bottle of water off of the stand where Vickie had placed it, struggling to open
it with my hurt arm. It was warm but I chugged the water down, desperately trying to
quench my thirst. I took a few bites of the sandwich but started to feel sick, dizziness taking
over. I lay back on the bed after a moment and closed my eyes, wishing it would stop and
without much warning, the blackness took me again.
Time passed once again. Conversations occasionally seeped in but would fade back out as
quickly as they came. I awoke sporadically to find food and water beside the bed, eating
what I could stomach and drinking until I slipped back into unconsciousness. Heidi
randomly started appearing, her presence surprising me, and she'd check my pulse and
scan me quickly but never once spoke a single word. Vickie would come in and give me
fresh clothes, occasionally picking me up off of the floor when I’d collapse there on the way
back from the bathroom. I wasn’t sure how long I stayed locked in that room encased in
darkness, or how long I stayed under each time the blackness took me. It could’ve been
days or weeks, but each spell seemed to become increasingly worse. I started having
nightmares and hallucinating when I was on the brink of consciousness, hearing voices and
seeing faces I couldn’t be sure were truly there. I was agitated and confused, unable to
think clearly when I was awake.
In a brief moment of lucidity I overheard a conversation through the door, and I struggled
to focus on what they were saying in an attempt to figure out what was happening. “This is
better than we anticipated,” a relatively familiar accented voice said, one I recalled as
belonging to the man who held a gun to my head in Forks.
“Yes. Now that Carlisle and Alec are out of the way, we just wait for the Cullen boy to
react,” Stephan responded faintly.
I struggled to keep my eyes open, fighting to stay conscious because I was desperate to
understand what that meant. What had happened to Dr. Cullen and Alec? Did that mean
Edward was okay, at least for the time being? His words frightened and confused me, but
no matter how hard I fought I couldn’t seem to ward off the inevitable. The men started
speaking in a foreign language, their voices starting to blur together and fade out as I
slipped back under.
The nightmares were intense, and flashbacks played in a loop in my subconscious. I saw
my mother’s weary face and heard her soothing voice. ‘You’re destined for greatness,
Isabella. Don’t give up hope,’ she chanted. I saw Edward’s mother, twirling me around in a
circle and glowing brightly under the sunlight, looking like a guardian angel coming to
rescue me. 'It's fate,' she said with a smile. I didn't know if it was simply a product of my
imagination or a long forgotten memory resurfacing, but I found hope in it either way.
Edward came to me periodically, his charming smile and melodic laugh comforting. ‘La
mia bella ragazza,’ he whispered in Italian, goose bumps springing up across my skin. I
could practically feel his breath against my cheek, sensing his warmth and breathing in his
intoxicating scent. ‘Ti amo. Non potrò mai rinunciare.’
The visions grew vicious as time went on, each one progressively worse. I saw James’s face
and his malicious smirk, saw his determination as he breathed down my neck for me to get
on my knees. I witnessed the brutality Charles and Jane had unleashed on us in Phoenix,
re-lived a beating I’d received as a child from Charles Sr. almost as if it were just
happening. Jacob plagued my thoughts, the sight of him slumping over after the bullet
ripped through him tormenting me. It had been my fault he was there; my fault his limp
body lay bleeding on the ground. The expression on Edward’s face as he told me my mother
was dead flashed in my mind, devastation rocking me to the core. I recalled his words and
his sobs, the image morphing into that broken look he’d had when I hurt him at his football
game, before finally settling on how he’d appeared in the car the last time I laid eyes on
him. He was silent and still, the life barely beating inside of him. ‘Kill him,’ James’s voice
echoed in my mind. ‘He’ll die anyway.’
Dr. Cullen’s fiery eyes haunted me, the piercing glare of hatred I’d seen that fateful day of
the previous October when I stumbled upon his gun. I could practically feel it pressed into
my throat as I gasped for air, could sense the anger rolling off of him. That vision played
out time and time again, my entire body feeling as if it were on fire as I, once again,
experienced the night I was bound to the bed. The pain was intense and tangible, every part
of me stinging and aching. It was unbearable and I could hear myself screaming in the
darkness, my chest vibrating from the high-pitched shrieks.
My moments of lucidity started coming few and far between, and even when awake I
couldn’t be sure what I saw or heard was real. Unfamiliar people stood over me, having
strange conversations that made little sense. I saw the same face frequently, a harsh
looking man with tanned skin and a mole under his right eye. The left side of his face was
severely scarred, almost as if it had been melted by fire. He was almost like a monster in
my nightmares and I could feel my body shaking violently from fear whenever he was near.
I awoke at one point to see Stephan sitting on the bed beside me, gazing at me curiously.
“What’s the code at the Cullen house?” he asked, his voice muffled as if my ears were
clogged.
“What?” I mouthed, no sound carrying out that I could hear. It burned, stabbing pain
radiating down through my chest. I tried to clear my throat and winced.
“The code for the house,” he repeated firmly. I didn’t respond and he groaned with
irritation. “If you don't want to die from dehydration, you’ll tell me what I want to know.”
I just stared at him as I debated, knowing I desperately needed water. I hesitated briefly
before simply turning my head away from him, wishing he would disappear. “Go away,” I
whispered. My disobedience sent him into a rage because he stood up quickly, pulling a
gun out of his waistband and pointing it at me. He shoved it into my throat hard, cutting off
my airflow immediately.
“Tell me the code,” he yelled angrily. I gasped for air, every inch of me begging for relief but
I knew I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to know. I could never betray the Cullens in such
a way, not just because Dr. Cullen had demanded my loyalty all those months ago when he
picked me up in Phoenix, but also because they had sacrificed enough for me. I could never
do anything to cause any of them any more harm, no matter the potential consequences for
me.
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and the vision of Dr. Cullen flashed in my mind as I
struggled to breathe, the gun making it nearly impossible. I could see the anger and hatred
in that expression, but I couldn’t seem to feel the fear anymore. I finally understood how he
had felt, the blame and guilt he had struggled so violently against in that moment, and as I
laid there in agony I almost wished he’d pull the trigger because I felt it, too.
The pressure was removed and I took a deep breath, relief washing through me in that split
second as my lungs filled with air before something hard slammed against the side of my
head. Pain ricocheted through me and I let out a scream, feeling dizzy as the blackness
crept in and I quickly slipped back into unconsciousness to repeat the cycle all over again.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold on, how much more I could take, but I grasped
tightly onto the hope that somehow Edward would save me. Somehow he would find me,
find a way to get us out of the situation. I didn't know where he was or what he was doing,
or even how he was going to manage it, but I couldn't give up hope.
He had promised he wouldn’t give up, no matter what, and as long as he didn’t give up on
me, I would never give up on him.
*****
Ti amo. Non potrò mai rinunciare = I love you. I will never give up.
Chapter 70 Ambiguity
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems
don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making
the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious
Ambiguity.” -- Gilda Radner
I’d heard the expression ‘the tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife at least a
hundred times, but it wasn’t until that fucking moment, sitting in that immaculately clean
car and fighting back nausea at the stench of fresh leather, that I finally understood exactly
what it meant. My goddamn body hurt and my head was pounding fiercely, but the
physical pain had nothing on the emotional torment I was feeling. The tension was fucking
stifling, the pure hostility filtering from the man beside me almost too much to take.
He hadn’t said a single fucking word to me, having barely even looked at me all evening. If
it weren't for the obvious hostility in the air between us, I might've wondered if he even
fucking remembered I was there. I heard his hushed voice all night long as he talked on his
phone but I couldn't make out the conversation, so I had no idea what the hell was going
on. I desperately wanted to know, but was too fucking afraid to ask and hear the answers. I
was a goddamn coward… there was no other way to put it.
He drove under the posted speed limit as if he didn’t have a fucking care in the world, his
lack of urgency setting me on edge and making my hands shake from my nerves. There
was complete silence in the vehicle, the only sound being the hum of the engine, and that
did nothing to help ease the intense pressure I was feeling. No goddamn music, no fucking
talking… nothing but tension.
I had two fractured ribs, a broken nose and a mild sprained wrist on top of the concussion.
I was cut up and I had a large bruises covering half of my body. My father called in some
favors and one of his colleagues in Sequim agreed to see me off the record with no
questions asked, despite my insistence that I didn’t need to see any damn doctors. He had
already pinpointed what was wrong with me and there wasn’t shit they could do for any of
my injuries except ice them and give me Tylenol, which I could do on my own at home. But
he demanded I go regardless, just in case, and when Carlisle Cullen fucking demands
something even I can’t say 'no'. I had pissed him off enough when I admitted we'd
tampered with Isabella's chip, so there was no way I was starting another fight so soon by
insisting I knew better than him.
When Alec arrived, the two of us set out on the almost two-hour long drive to the medical
clinic while my father stayed back to deal with the devastation left behind. The doctor
suggested I stay overnight for monitoring but Alec interjected and refused the advice,
stating we needed to get home as quickly as possible.
I glanced at the clock on the dashboard as we drove in the darkness and saw it was a few
minutes until midnight. My chest ached at the realization that a new day would start soon,
the past twenty-four hours merely becoming part of the past. Most people would forget
about them, the day being nothing but a fucking blip in their radar in the grand scheme of
things, but they were hours I would never forget. Just twenty-four fucking hours ago I had
been lying in bed with my Bella, holding her in my arms and feeling her warmth. I had
heard her voice as she whispered my name in her sleep, the simple word spoken with so
much goddamn passion that just the memory of it sent a chill down my spine. Twenty-four
hours ago she’d been with me -- safe and, despite everything, happy.
But as I sat there, glaring at that fucking clock angrily, I wasn’t sure about any of it. I didn’t
know where she was, who she was with, or what she was going through. I had no idea if
she was okay or not, no way to fucking know if she was hurt or scared. The thought alone
made me fucking shake with fear and anger and I clenched my hands into fists, trying to
fight it back before I lost all control.
Twelve hours. She’d been gone for nearly twelve fucking hours already and the goddamn
clock just kept ticking away as if those seconds were pointless and didn’t matter. They did,
however, because each second was one second too fucking long. It was one more second
without her, one more second of not knowing what was happening.
It felt like my world stopped, so why was the goddamn clock still moving like I was
supposed to be able to fucking go on without her?
I sighed loudly and Alec tensed up, the strain between us growing. He was furious and that
was fucking dangerous, because I knew exactly what happened when he reacted on his
anger. Just the thought of it made my stomach churn, my heart pounding so rapidly that
the pain in my chest intensified and I struggled for air.
We drove past the stretch of woods where the accident occurred and I glanced over
apprehensively, seeing the car was gone. I expected it since my father had called for the tow
truck before we even left, but it felt strange regardless. Even in the darkness I could see
where we had hit, a few trees cracked and broken from the force of the collision, but if I
didn't know any better I'd just assume natural causes had taken them down. No evidence of
the event that had sent my life into a downward spiral, no sign that the woman I loved
more than life itself had been kidnapped.
He finished the drive in complete silence and I stared out of the window, each second
fucking agony. I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally reached the house, glad it was
over and I could put some space between us. He parked the car off to the side and I
climbed out, glancing around anxiously. The house looked vacant -- there were no lights
on that I could see, but I was sure it wasn’t empty. It felt like it lacked something, though,
which was a stupid goddamn thought, because it was obvious what was missing.
La mia bella ragazza... and until she returned, nothing would feel right again.
My eyes stung as I stared at the house and I blinked a few times, trying to push back the
tears that were forming. I fought them fiercely, needing to remain strong because I
couldn’t break down or give up hope. It fucking hurt, though. It hurt worse than any of my
injuries and was more agonizing than the fucking tension surrounding us.
I had fucked up – there was no other way to put it. I’d done shit thinking I knew best,
thinking I had the answers, when the fact of the matter was I was just part of the damn
problem. All of it was my fucking fault. She was gone and if I hadn’t been such a fucking
hot-headed know-it-all, she might have still been safe. If only I had kept my temper under
control, or if I’d have fucking listened about the chip, shit might have been different.
I groaned as I thought about the fucking chip, bringing my hands up to rub my chest. My
father had hit me when I told him, his calmness dissipating instantly the moment I
confessed what we'd done. The fire in his eyes stunned me and never in my life had I ever
fucking feared him as I did in that moment. I saw the killer that others revered, the violent
man that wouldn’t hesitate to murder anyone that posed a threat to him. His rage
consumed him as he drew his fist back and punched me straight in the chest with so much
force that I staggered backwards into the car and lost my breath. He wasn’t my father at
that moment, he was a Mafioso, and he reminded me frighteningly of the quiet man whose
eyes I could feel boring in the back of my head.
I turned and glanced at Alec, seeing his piercing stare as he watched me closely. I had a
feeling he wasn’t going to take his fucking eyes off of me if he didn’t have to; he was dead-
set on making sure I didn’t do anything else to fuck up.
I ran my hand through my hair, wincing at the pain coursing through my body as I started
toward the house. The spot where Jacob was laying when we fled the house appeared
completely normal, the gravel undisturbed with no sign of blood anywhere. I was light-
headed and swayed a bit as my vision blurred, the torment and uncertainty overwhelming.
I knew deep down inside there was no way he could’ve survived, and I knew my father was
a professional at cleaning up the evidence of crimes, but a small part of me was desperate
to believe that it meant somehow he hadn’t died. Somehow, on top of everything, I hadn’t
also fucking caused Jacob’s death.
I headed inside and paused in the foyer as my father stepped out of the room under the
stairs, freezing as he glanced over at me. His eyes scanned me quickly before focusing on
Alec, who stepped in behind me and closed the door.
“Has he talked?” Alec asked coolly, the sound of his voice right behind me sending a chill
down my spine. I tensed up as my father shook his head.
“Nothing,” he said simply.
Alec brushed past me and headed for the room, giving my father a peculiar look before
disappearing inside. My father stared at me angrily and shook his head, muttering
something under his breath before walking away and slamming a door on the second floor
a moment later.
I stood there for a while, unsure of what to fucking do, before heading for the stairs. I
could hear my father’s raised voice as I hit the second floor, his anger overwhelming as he
screamed at someone. I started for the third floor but stopped abruptly when I heard
Emmett’s name, guilt and shame hitting me hard when I realized he was berating my
brother for something that was my fucking fault. My legs threatened to give out on me and
I sat down on the steps, putting my head down as I clutched onto my hair tightly in
frustration, trying to get a fucking grip on myself. I could hear my father yelling at him
about the goddamn chip, telling him he better figure out how to fix it before we lost Isabella
for good. His words stung and I struggled for breath at even the mention that we could
possibly never find her, unable to fucking accept that.
We had to find her, and I would never stop until we did.
The office door opened after a moment and I glanced over, my father stepping out and
slipping his phone in his pocket. He shot me an angry glare as he started for the steps to
the third floor, walking up them past me. He returned after a minute, pausing beside me.
"It's amazing how something so small can be so significant, isn't it?" he said casually,
holding up the tiny microchip that we had hidden in the library. "I wasn't ignorant,
Edward. I knew about the signal jammers you bought and I let it slide, because I wanted to
trust you with her. I wanted to believe you wouldn't be stupid enough to actually use them
to endanger her. I never thought they would come into play, because I never thought you
would run. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine you would pull a stunt like
this. I thought I knew you, Edward, but it's clear I don't. And Emmett... I swear I thought
he was smarter than this. Why he would ever be so stupid as to go along with one of your
schemes I will never understand."
"Don't blame Emmett," I said, the disappointment in his voice painful. Everything he had
fucking done finally made sense to me, and I realized I had been working against him the
entire goddamn time. Every step he took in order to keep her safe, I had fucking erased.
How goddamn stupid could I have been? How fucking selfish and arrogant was I? "It's my
fault. He was just trying to help us. He just wanted us to be happy."
He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "Are you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously.
"Are you happy now? I sure hope so, son."
I shook my head, his mocking tone angering me. He could be fucking mad and
disappointed all he wanted, but the taunting was too much for me to take. "You don't have
to be a fucking prick," I spat. "Do I look like I'm happy? I love her and she's gone! She's
fucking gone
He stared at me for a moment before nodding. "She is," he said simply, walking back into
his office and slamming the door behind him.
I sat there as my mind frantically tried to sort through everything that had happened, but
no matter how much I tried I couldn’t seem to find an easy goddamn solution to all of it.
There had to be one, had to be some way to fucking fix everything, some way to turn back
time and erase all of my mistakes. Everyone was in chaos, all of us in danger, and I had
done nothing but make it considerably worse with my arrogance.
“Fuck,” I spat, gripping my hair even tighter. It hurt, but paled in compassion to the rest of
my pain. Sitting around and doing nothing was killing me, every single second eating away
at me, but I had no one to blame but myself.
If only I would’ve fucking listened…
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there rocking back and forth, my anger and impatience
mounting, before I got up and started pacing the hallway. Instead of getting myself under
control, my grip was fading away as I started to become more frantic. Eventually, I heard
footsteps on the stairs as Alec started for the second floor the same time my father stepped
back out of his office, both men stopping in the hallway when they spotted me. I glanced
between them as they silently stared at me, my last bit of control slipping.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you just fucking standing there?” I snapped.
“Can’t you do something? Anything? Christ!”
As soon as the last word rolled from my tongue I was jerked roughly by the back of the
collar and slammed into the wall, pain ricocheting through me as I lost my breath. I
gasped for air as Alec shoved something hard into my side, realizing after a second it was
his fucking gun.
“Have you still not learned your lesson?” he asked sharply. “What’s it going to take for you
to understand, Edward? Is one of us going to have to die before you finally realize that this
isn’t a game? These are our lives you are messing with and I for one will not tolerate you
endangering me more than you already have. I don’t care whose child you are.”
My heart was pounding rapidly and my knees went weak as he pinned me to the wall, the
anger rolling off of him and, in that moment, directed solely at me. He fucking meant
every word he said and I knew he wouldn’t hesitate to pull the trigger his finger was on if he
felt it was necessary.
“Alec,” my father said firmly. “Let him go.”
Alec let go of me immediately and I flinched as he pulled the gun from my side and swung
around, pointing it straight at my father’s head. I inhaled sharply, pain radiating through
my chest from my fractured ribs, and my father froze. He stood as still as a statue, not
even fucking blinking, as Alec stared him down. I was scared as fuck, unsure of what the
hell was going to happen, but there wasn’t any fear in my father’s eyes. He simply stared
back, patiently fucking waiting for Alec to do something.
“You keep pulling me in deeper and deeper, Carlisle,” he said after a moment of tense
silence, lowering his gun and slipping it back in his waistband as he shook his head.
“I know,” my father responded quietly.
Alec turned to face me, the anger still in his expression. “If you want to survive this, you’ll
keep your mouth shut,” he said. “I don’t care what happens or what it takes, Edward. That
mouth of yours is going to get every single one of us killed if you don’t stop running it, and
if you can’t close it yourself, I will close it for you. I refuse to let you make Esme a widow
because you don’t know how to keep a secret. So I’m telling you right now, if you let slip
what you know thinking it will rush things along, I swear I will kill you before they kill me.
You may not like our methods, but you need to accept the fact that some of us know better
than you.”
He turned away from me and headed straight for the office, brushing past my father. I
glanced over at him and saw he was staring at me apprehensively, hesitating as if he had
something to add.
“You need to listen to him,” he said after a moment. “We’ll find her, but we need to play
our cards right. No matter what happens, we can’t expose who she is or it puts all of our
lives on the line… hers included. So just relax, we’re working on it.”
He disappeared into his office and closed the door without another word, and I just stared
at the door with disbelief. Relax? He expected me to fucking relax?
Time felt as if it passed tortuously slow, each second agonizing, but yet the clock seemed to
move at a steady pace. I roamed the house as my father and Alec kept moving between his
office upstairs and the basement, and although I desperately wanted to fucking know what
was going on I didn’t dare open my mouth to ask them. The next day was dawning when I
finally made my way up to the third floor, my chest constricting as I pushed open the
bedroom door. The room was completely still and I stood there for a moment, gazing in. It
felt completely wrong being there without her, the spark gone from everything. She
should’ve been there, snuggled up in the blankets and hugging her pillow tightly as she
dreamed about whatever the fuck it was she dreamed of when she was happy, but she
wasn’t.
I stepped inside after a moment and sat down on the edge of the bed, running my hands
through my hair in frustration. The ache in my chest rivaled the one I felt a decade earlier
when my mother was ripped from my life, the utter void I felt tearing me to shreds. I
reached over and grabbed Isabella's pillow, clutching it to my chest tightly as the tears
started forming in my eyes, but I didn’t fight them off that time. There was no faking it in
our space, no reason to pretend I was fucking fine when I was clearly not. I inhaled as
deeply as I could, wincing from the mixture of the physical pain and the heartbreak that hit
me as I took in her sweet smell that still lingered on her pillow--strawberries and sunshine.
She’d told me months earlier that I smelled like goddamn sunshine and I laughed at how
absurd that shit sounded, but while inhaling her scent off that fucking pillow it made
sense. It smelled warm and familiar, happy and comforting, just like motherfucking
sunshine.
I clung to it tightly as the sobs hit me, every bit of composure I had ripped away in that
moment. I didn’t give a fuck who heard me as I cried and screamed in agony, nor did I give
a shit what they thought. I needed her to be safe, needed her to come out of it unscathed,
and I didn’t give a fuck what it took or what I had to sacrifice to make it happen. She had
fucking saved me, had pulled me from the darkness and showed me that there was
something out there worth goddamn living for, and I would do anything I had to in order to
repay her for that. She deserved it and was worth it.
It was the middle of the afternoon when I heard the sound of a throat clearing nervously
from my doorway. I glanced over and saw my father standing there, staring at me
cautiously.
“We’re going to leave for Chicago soon,” he said quietly.
“Uh, okay,” I said, clearing my throat as I sat the pillow down beside me. I brought my
hands up and wiped my eyes, the tears still slipping through. I glanced down and cringed,
seeing the torn up, blood splattered clothes I still wore. “I guess I need to change.”
“I’d prefer if you stayed here, just in case,” he responded right away.
“You expect me to fucking stay behind?” I asked incredulously, my brow furrowing.
“Just in case she shows back up,” he responded. I laughed bitterly, shaking my head as I
stood up. I got light-headed immediately, stabbing pain tearing through my ribs as my
head pounded feverishly.
“She’s not a fucking lost dog,” I snapped, tears streaming down my cheeks. “She didn’t just
wander out of the backyard and get lost in the woods somewhere. She was
fucking taken and there’s no telling where the hell they have her. She isn’t just going to
show the hell back up here!”
“I understand, but I think you should reconsider,” he said. “It’s dangerous and…”
“I’m going,” I said sharply, cutting him off. “If you don’t want me to go with you, fine. But
I’ll be on the next goddamn plane whether you like it or not. I can’t just stay here.”
“Fine, but you’re going to need to watch yourself, son. You can’t run off on a vigilante
mission, thinking you know what’s best,” he said pointedly. “I can’t focus on getting her
back if you’re out there wreaking havoc and counteracting everything I’m doing.”
I groaned, shaking my head. “I know. Christ, I’m not that fucking stupid. I heard Alec and
I don't doubt for a goddamn minute that he meant what he said. I’ll keep my mouth shut
and let you all do what you do, but I have to fucking be there.”
“I know why you feel that way,” he started, “but we have no idea what set of circumstances
we’re going to find her in.”
“I said I’m going,” I snapped, angry that he was trying to talk me out of it. “I have to know.
I’m not fucking naive. I know what might be happening to her and I need to be there, no
matter what.”
“Okay,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “We have a flight in a few
hours out of Seattle. We need to tie up some loose ends here with Jacob and Laurent, and
then we’ll be leaving.”
I gazed at him curiously at the mention of those two. “Did they make it?” I asked
hesitantly. He stared at me for a moment before sighing.
“We have Laurent in the basement and we're trying to get some information out of him.
He’s in pretty bad shape and hasn’t said much so far besides begging for help, but I injected
him with some sodium thiopental a few minutes ago,” he responded.
“Sodium what?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
“Sodium thiopental. It’s a barbiturate. It suppresses the higher cortical functions of the
brain, and since lying is such a complex process and it’s easier to…” he rambled.
“Christ,” I interrupted, shaking my head in frustration. “Fucking English, please.”
“It’s a truth serum,” he said with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders. “Hypothetically,
anyway.”
“That shit’s real?” I asked in surprise. He nodded.
“Yes, but it doesn’t work for everyone. Some people are seasoned liars and drugs wouldn’t
affect their ability to tell you one,” he responded. “So let’s just hope Laurent hasn’t had too
much experience yet.”
I nodded, running my hand through my hair. I had no idea how long it would take to get
her fucking chip working again, so I realized Laurent was our best bet on finding her
quickly. “And Jacob?” I asked. He stared at me for a moment and the look on his face was
the only answer I really needed. Even across the room I could see the flash of sorrow in his
eyes and knew immediately that there wasn't any goddamn hope at all.
“There wasn’t anything I could do for him,” he said quietly. “They shot to kill. We’re not
trained to wound or graze.”
“Why him?” I asked, the words catching in the lump forming in my throat. We may have
no longer been friends, but he still didn’t deserve to die like he did. He had just been trying
to fucking help, had risked his own safety for Isabella, and that earned a lot of respect in
my eyes. He didn’t have to do that shit, but he did, and he lost his fucking life because of
it. “I mean, she and I were both standing right fucking there. Why’d they shoot him? He
was nobody, he had nothing to fucking do with it. And if they’re so goddamn trained to kill,
why did every other goddamn bullet miss us?”
“Because they intended them to miss you,” he responded. “Jacob was an innocent
bystander, Edward. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was a witness, an
unnecessary complication that could be erased easily, but it was different with you and
Isabella. I watched the security tapes after I got home and saw what happened. They
rattled you, fired off a few shots to get you in motion, and waited to make their real move
once you were away and they had the upper hand again. If they didn’t want you to live they
would have killed you when they had the chance, but they didn’t. I don’t know exactly what
that means, or what part you play in this, but they kept you alive for a reason.”
“That’s fucked up,” I said as I tried to control my emotions, but it was no use. My tears
flowed freely and nothing would fucking stop them, my heart feeling like it was being
ripped into a million pieces. I didn't understand what the hell was going on or why the fuck
it had to happen to us. Why her? What the fuck did we do to deserve it? "Why couldn't
they have fucking taken me? Why'd they have to take my Bella?" I asked, my voice an
agonized whisper.
“I, uh... I don't know, son,” he said quietly. "I wish I had the answers you're looking for,
but I don't. And I really can't make you any promises right now, but I'll do everything I
can."
I nodded, wiping my face with my hands again as I cleared my throat. I needed to stay
strong and not crack, and stewing over how fucking unfair it was wouldn't help me keep my
head straight. “So, uh,” I started apprehensively, pausing because I wasn’t sure if I really
fucking wanted to know the answer to the question I was about to ask. “What did you do
with him?”
“Jacob?” he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I nodded. “Well, I couldn’t exactly
call the authorities. I wish I could, because he was a good kid and deserved a proper burial,
but doing so would’ve just taken us all down. I couldn't risk that. I did the best I could to
give him a decent send-off, though, and I’d rather not say much more than that. I don't
think there's too much evidence tying the timing of his disappearance to us and I did a few
things to buy us some time, but I'm sure they'll eventually come to you with questions due
to your public rivalry.”
I tensed up as he said the words, overwhelmed by fear at the realization that he didn't quite
know everything. “Fuck,” I said, shaking my head. “They might come sooner than you
think. I think Isabella was the last person he talked to...”
"I know," he said, cutting me off. "I said I bought us a bit of time."
"Did you buy us some fucking time with the fact that we got into a damn fistfight at the
school yesterday, too?" I asked, shaking my head.
“Damnit, Edward! Tell me you didn't fight that boy again!" he yelled angrily. I sighed and
nodded, causing him to groan with aggravation. "Did anyone see?”
“Yes, too many goddamn people. Tyler, Lauren, Jessica, Tanya… fuck, I can’t even
remember. They were all there in the parking lot. I ran and got in the car and left, but he
followed right behind me.”
“It's always the same thing with you, son,” he said. "This just keeps getting worse and at
the rate we’re going, there’s no way we'll even make it out of town before people get
suspicious. You get in a fistfight with a boy you damn near killed once before, and he
suddenly goes missing immediately afterwards. Just great.”
“Fuck, I know, but he told Isabella that he was thinking about leaving home and just
starting over somewhere no one knew him. I mean, if he told her that, chances are he
fucking told others. Maybe they’ll think he finally had enough and left,” I said hopefully,
trying to find some way out of that mess. The last thing I needed was to be accused of a
fucking homicide or something on top of everything else going on. I felt guilty and
ashamed for his death and the fact that he wouldn't get the funeral he deserved, but she
was the most important thing to me and I couldn't let anything get in the way of finding
her.
“Possibly,” he said, shaking his head in aggravation. “I need to take care of some things
before we leave. Stay the hell out of trouble for the next few hours so you don't complicate
matters even more, if you can manage that.”
He turned and bolted from the room, cursing under his breath as he descended the stairs. I
stood up and slowly stripped out of my clothes, putting them in a pile in the corner of the
room and making a mental note to dispose of the motherfuckers later since they were
covered in blood. I took a long shower, trying to fucking relax and soothe the ache in my
body, but it did little to calm my nerves. I scrubbed every inch of me, feeling disgusting,
and climbed back out when my skin was raw and red from the hot water.
I dressed in the first thing I found, a pair of worn jeans and a plain white T-shirt, and
opened the bottom drawer on my desk with my keys. I grabbed the Grey Goose and sat
down on the edge of the bed as I slipped on a pair of white Nike’s, pulling the top off of the
bottle and taking a large swig. The burn from the vodka spread down throughout my body
and warmed me instantly, soothing my frazzled nerves just a bit. I sat there quietly for a
while as time slipped away, drinking and thinking through everything my father had said.
Jacob was dead, Isabella was missing, and the rest of us were in grave danger. My life was
falling apart, my family in chaos, and if shit didn’t play out perfectly we could all end up
fucking dead. And to think, just twenty-four hours earlier my biggest goddamn worry had
been fucking analogies…
I didn’t care about any of that shit anymore. My football career was clearly over, since my
injuries would put me out for the rest of the season, and my future was up in the air but I
didn’t care. I didn't even know if I'd fucking make it out alive, much less make it back to
school, but I didn’t give a fuck what happened to me as long as I found her.
Nothing mattered but her.
It was a few minutes past noon when I finally started downstairs, unable to take just sitting
there anymore. I headed into the living room and stood by the large window, gazing out
into the back yard. Sometime in the early morning hours fog had rolled in, along with it
rain showers, and I could barely even see the tree line a few yards away. The house was
completely silent, all except for the rain hitting the glass, and it felt eerie. I was in such a
trance staring at the gloomy scene in front of me that I didn’t even hear footsteps
approaching, and was completely oblivious to the presence behind me until I caught a
glimpse of their reflection in the window.
“Christ,” I spat, jumping and grabbing my chest in surprise. I winced and turned to see
Alec standing behind me, as still as a statue with a serious expression on his face. He was
wet, his white shirt soiled with blood and mud.
“You aren’t very observant,” he said as he started unbuttoning his shirt.
“You’re just stealthy, like a fucking ninja or a vampire or something,” I rattled off
nervously. He gave me an incredulous look before shaking his head.
“You watch too much television,” he responded. “The mark of a successful assassin is the
target never knowing what hit them.”
I stared at him cautiously as he walked over and started fiddling with the fireplace. We
never used it because it was too much goddamn work when we could just use the electric
heat to warm the place up. “I’m not a target, though,” I muttered. He turned his head to
give me a peculiar look and I sighed. “At least I hope not.”
The corner of his lips turned up into a small smile as he turned back to the fireplace, quiet
as he got it ready and lit it. After the fire started going he tossed his shirt into it and stood
there in silence, watching as it started burning.
“I remember the day you and your mother went missing like it was yesterday,” he said
finally, his words catching me off guard. “I stopped by your house that night for business
and despite your father’s fear, he maintained his composure and did what he knew he was
required to do. He learned to wear that calm mask quite well, but I knew your father better
than most others. They may not have been able to tell anything was wrong but I could
sense his distress.”
He quieted again as he poked around in the fire, his shirt nearly completely burned to ash
already. I had no idea what his point was but didn’t dare fucking ask because I knew
impatience meant disrespect to Alec.
“I never understood your grandfather’s insistence that Carlisle was the ultimate Principe
della mafia, just as I don’t understand Aro’s belief that you are,” he continued after a
moment. “Your father and you are cut from the same mould. You’re both too emotional,
too invested in life on the outside. You have a lot of heart and that can be dangerous in this
business. People will exploit your weaknesses for an upper hand, and both you and your
father share a common weakness.”
“What’s that?” I asked. He glanced at me with an amused expression like it was a stupid
fucking question, and I realized it probably was.
“Your women,” he said. “You are both much too compassionate and have a hard time
hiding your love. Your grandfather picked up on Carlisle’s feelings quite early on, from
what I recall, and I’m sure Aro did the same with you. They used Elizabeth to manipulate
your father, just as I’m sure Isabella will be used to get you to do what they want.”
“You think that’s why they kept me alive?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m sure of it. They anticipate you doing exactly what they want you to do, which is
what you’re notorious for doing -- acting without thinking. They expect you to open your
mouth and spill everything you know, irrationally thinking it will help you when, in reality,
that information will be what causes the downfall,” he said coolly. I stared at him as I
processed his words, trying to make sense of where he was going with it.
“So you’re saying they’re just using Isabella to get to me, because they think I’m the key to
destroying everything?” I asked. He nodded.
“Precisely,” he responded. “We’re all just pawns, Edward, and if you aren’t careful you will
play right into their hands. Your father learned early on to put on that mask to protect
himself and the ones he loved. He learned to maintain his calm, even when he was in
distress, and that's something you desperately need to work on. What I’m saying, Edward,
is exposure is not good in our world. You should never expose your emotions, nor should
you expose information entrusted in you because both will quickly lead to your demise. I
hope, since you are so much like Carlisle, that you’ll learn to put on that mask just as he
did. It doesn’t matter what you feel on the inside, you never let them see it. It’s the only
way you’ll make it.”
He paused for a moment before sighing. “I already helped him bury Elizabeth. I don’t
want to have to help him bury you,” he added quietly before turning to walk away. “Pack a
bag. It looks suspicious to get on a plane with no luggage. And freshen up, because you
smell like liquor.”
I sighed after he was gone and headed upstairs, throwing some clothes and necessities in a
bag. I grabbed my torn, bloody clothes from the corner and went back down to the living
room, tossing them in the still burning fireplace. I stood and watched the fire ravage them
as I waited for my father and uncle, my mind wandering once more.
Eventually, they appeared with their luggage and Alec put out the fire before we departed.
We headed out and climbed into Alec’s rental car, starting for Seattle with no words
spoken. I sighed when we passed the stretch of highway where the accident had occurred,
the ache in my chest intense.
“Where'd you have the car towed?” I asked quietly.
“A junkyard in Port Angeles. It was a total loss,” my father responded. "It's already scrap
metal by now." I nodded and turned to glance out of the window, the car falling into
complete silence again.
The rest of the drive was tense, none of us speaking to each other. My father made some
calls as Alec drove, and I just sat back quietly, not wanting to interfere. Alec’s words back
at the house were echoing in my mind and I knew I needed to be on guard and watch what
I said, but my outward composure didn't stop my frantic thoughts. My hands were
shaking, my eyes still burning from the tears that threatened to flow at the thought of
Isabella and what she might have been going through.
About ten minutes outside of Seattle my father received a call and stayed on the line for a
moment before hanging up with a sigh. “We have a sit-down tonight at nine,” he said
quietly. Alec nodded and I stared at them with curiosity, wondering what the fuck they had
planned.
We stayed in the car during the ferry ride, all of us seemingly deep in thought, and we
made it to the airport in just enough time to check in before boarding. The four hour flight
was awkward, each second feeling like an eternity as we sat separated in the only seats
available at the last minute. I could see Alec and my father from where I was and both
seemed completely composed, whereas I was falling to fucking pieces. I was frazzled and
on edge, damn close to having a fucking panic attack.
We landed close to dusk and grabbed our luggage before heading for the parking lot where
Alec's car was parked. He drove the twenty-five minutes from the airport to their house in
the Lincoln Park neighborhood and I watched out the window in a daze, taking in the
scenery. I hadn't been back in years but it looked a lot like I recalled, and I closed my eyes
when we neared our destination. I couldn't bear to look as we passed the alley where my
life had changed in all those years ago, the memories flooding back as we drove through the
neighborhood I'd grown up in. It still fucking hurt, just as much as it always had.
Alec pulled the car into the driveway of the large brick house he and Esme shared, directly
behind the familiar Jeep that I hadn't seen in awhile. I smiled lightly at the sight of it, but
any happiness I felt in that moment disappeared as I climbed out of the car and the reality
of the situation hit me once more. We headed for the house and the front door was pulled
open quickly as we approached, a frazzled looking Esme standing in the doorway, crying
and eyeing us desperately. Alec barely gave her a glance as he walked by her into the
house, and she gave my father a sympathetic smile as he nodded in acknowledgment. I
started to walk by her, unable to even make eye contact because I was afraid the sight of
her tears would make me lose the grip I'd finally fucking gotten on myself, but she wasn't
having that. She grabbed a hold of me and pulled me into a hug, her body trembling.
"I'm so sorry, kiddo," she whispered, clinging to me tightly as she cried. I groaned from the
pain and pulled away, wincing as the tears started slipping through.
"It's all my fucking fault," I muttered, wiping my eyes. She shook her head, cupping my
chin and pulling my face up so I'd look at her.
"You didn't cause this, Edward. We all make mistakes but you love her and would never do
anything to hurt her, we all know that. We all love her. Me, your brothers, and even your
father, believe it or not. She is one of us... she's family. Your mother made sure of that,
and we're going to fight for her," she said firmly. "We'll find her." I nodded as more tears
flowed, hope threatening to break through at her words. She patted my cheek softly and
nodded her head toward the house, motioning for me to go inside.
I dropped my bag right inside the house and headed for the living room, freezing when I
caught sight of Emmett sitting on the couch. He had his head down, obviously
distressed, with his hands covering his face. Rosalie was quietly sitting beside him and
glanced over at me, her eyes widening in surprise.
"Em," she whispered, the word barely audible. Emmett's head popped up and he looked at
her with confusion before glancing over in my direction, a horrified look coming on his face
when we made eye contact.
"Fuck, bro," he said, his voice cracking. "Look at you." He stood up but I held my hands up
to stop him, shaking my head.
"It looks worse than it is," I lied, not wanting to be fucking fussed over by anyone because
there were more important things to worry about. "She's all that matters right now."
"I know," he said quietly as I walked over toward the couch, sitting down. Emmett sat
back down beside me, running his hands down his face in frustration. "How are you
holding up?"
"How am I holding up?" I asked incredulously. "Well, I'm here, so I guess that fucking
counts for something. I'm more concerned about how she's holding up personally."
"Damn, I know, stupid question," he responded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me, Emmett," I said.
"But I am. Shit, bro, I should've known better. I should've never touched that chip. I
should've trusted Dad."
"Yeah, well, I should've fucking done a lot," I interrupted. "But none of it matters, because
what happened, happened. It's done and there isn't shit we can do now but try to fix it."
"I know. I've been trying to work some things out and..." he started, shutting up quickly as
my father walked into the room. He walked over to where we were sitting and sat his
laptop down on the coffee table in front of Emmett, a serious expression on his face.
"You have tonight," he said sharply, the anger in his voice making me feel queasy. "I expect
news by morning that it's returned exactly how it was before you touched it. Don't
disappoint me, or you will regret it."
He turned and walked out of the room without another word, leaving a tense silence in his
wake. Rosalie stood up and sighed loudly as she started to pace around the room, picking
things up absent-mindedly as Emmett turned on the laptop. He opened some programs
once it was booted up and his fingers flew furiously across the keyboard as he started
typing in what looked like just a bunch of goddamn random characters, none of it making
any fucking sense to me.
Esme walked in after a moment and held out a small white pill with a bottle of water. "I
know you're hurting," she said softly. I hesitated and she sighed. "If you don't want to take
it on your own, I'll just slip it to you when you aren't paying attention."
"Fine," I said, reaching out and taking the pill. I tossed it in my mouth as I grabbed the
bottle of water, washing it down.
I watched Emmett quietly for bit, trying to figure out what the fuck he was doing but it was
all completely beyond me. It looked like gibberish but he seemed to understand it so I kept
my mouth shut and didn't question him. He'd done that shit last time and ended up
accomplishing what he set out to do, so I had faith that he'd be able to fucking do it again
and revert it back to how it was before. He needed to, because a lot was riding on that
goddamn chip...
His typing started grating on my nerves after awhile, the sound of his fingers hitting the
keys putting me on edge. I was working on damn near forty hours without sleep and it was
taking it's toll as exhaustion crept in, the medication easing my pain and making it difficult
to stay awake. I groaned and ran my hand through my hair, clutching onto it tightly as I
started rocking back and forth, needing to fucking move to keep myself alert. I felt sick, my
body shaking from my nerves. I felt like I was starting to have a breakdown, all composure
slipping away with the tap of his fingers against the keys.
I could hear the ticking of a clock in the background as it blended in with Emmett's typing,
the sound taunting me. Every fucking tick was one second longer without her, one more
second of uncertainty. How much more of it could I fucking take? How much longer could
I just sit around before I had to go out and fucking look? I didn't know where to even
start...
Rosalie continued to pace the room, her heels clicking against the wooden floor as she
walked around. She'd occasionally huff or sigh, the sound causing me to clutch onto my
hair tighter as I tried to block it all out.
Esme walked in eventually and asked us if we were hungry. Emmett and Rosalie both
mumbled that they were but I ignored her, because I couldn't have cared less about eating.
She brought sandwiches in a few minutes later, sitting a plate down in front of me. "You
should try to eat kiddo," she said, reaching out and rubbing my back gently.
"Do you think she's eating?" I asked, my voice cracking as the question came out. Was she
fucking eating, I wondered? Were they taking care of her, feeding her and letting her sleep,
or was she fucking tied up somewhere being abused? Was she warm and safe? Where the
fuck was she? The questions ran through my mind, setting me even more on edge as I
started rocking with more force, my temper threatening to explode. Esme continued to rub
my back and I tried to shrug her off but she ignored me. She squeezed in beside me on the
couch and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me toward her in a hug as my emotions
started getting the best of me. I let out a shaky breath as the sobs ripped through me, my
fear skyrocketing at all of the possibilities. Christ, was she even fucking still alive?! "Oh,
God!"
"Shhh, it's okay," she whispered. I shook my head frantically and tried to pull away but she
held onto to me tightly, not letting go.
"It's not okay, none of this is fucking okay!" I yelled. "What if she fucking dies? Christ,
what is she's already dead? We might never find her! How the fuck am I supposed to live
without her? I can't lose her, Esme. Not her, too!"
"I know, Edward. I know. We'll find her, we will," Esme said, trying to reassure me but
there was no way she could know that shit. I shook my head and finally pulled away from
her just as Rosalie sighed loudly for what felt like the hundredth goddamn time.
"Do you have something you want to say?" I snapped, standing up and glaring at her
angrily. My vision was blurred from crying but I could see the surprise on her face as she
froze. "Something you want to get off of your fucking chest? An 'I told you so', maybe? Go
ahead, go on and fucking say it, you know you want to. Gloat about how fucking right you
were when you told us to leave the damn chip alone. Rosalie Hale, always fucking knows
better than everyone else. Miss Goddamn Perfect is always right. You never fucking liked
her anyway, you're probably glad she's gone."
She gasped and covered her mouth, a look of horror flashing across her face as her eyes
welled up with tears. Esme yelled for me to knock it off as Emmett jumped up and shoved
me back down onto the couch. He glared at me like he wanted to fucking punch me and for
a brief moment I wished he fucking would so I could punch him right goddamn back and
get rid of some of my pent up frustration, but that passed quickly when I saw the tear slip
down his cheek.
"I think you need to get some sleep," he said firmly. I gave him an incredulous look and he
shook his head. "I know you don't want to. You don't want to eat, you don't want to sleep.
I don't like telling you what to do, bro, but you can't turn on us and snap at Rosalie when
she's done nothing to deserve it. Isabella's like my sister, man. I'm upset, too. Don't act
like you're the only one who fucking cares here."
I stared at him for a moment as I got myself under control and nodded. "I, uh, fuck. I
wasn't thinking..." I started.
"I know you weren't," he responded, focusing his attention back on the laptop. "And if you
think you can help in your condition, you're wrong. You're wasting away by the second and
you're only going to make things worse unless you get some control here. So eat a damn
sandwich and go close your eyes. All you can do right now is wait, anyway."
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, nodding. "Fine," I muttered, standing up. I
grabbed the sandwich off of the plate and left the room, light-headed and nearly fucking
passing out as I tried to walk. I walked past my father and Alec as they headed for the front
door, neither one of them so much as giving me a glance. I looked around for a clock and
spotted one on the wall, seeing it was a few minutes until ten.
I headed upstairs, forcing the sandwich down as I went, and walked into the first spare
room I came to. I sat down on the edge of the bed and kicked my shoes off, pulling the
cover back and slipping underneath it. My eyes started to close the moment my head hit
the pillow, exhaustion pulling me into unconsciousness despite the fact that my mind was
still frantic.
I slept deeply, images flashing in my mind as my distress played out in my dreams. I

awoke eventually to a room encased in light and glanced around, groggy, my eyes falling on
the alarm clock on the dresser across the room. It took a second for the numbers to
register and my eyes widened in shock when I saw it was already eight in the morning.
I'd been asleep for twelve motherfucking hours.
I sat up quickly, panicked, and pain surged through every inch of me. I cursed, caught off
guard by the intensity, not expecting to be so fucking sore. I climbed to my feet and slipped
my shoes back on, stretching to get some of the kinks out as I headed out. I paused in the
doorway of the living room when I made it downstairs, slightly surprised that everything
appeared almost exactly how it had when I left.
Half of a fucking day had passed, but nothing had changed.
"Damnit, so close," Emmett yelled, slamming his hands down on the coffee table in
frustration. I looked at him anxiously, his words making me nervous. He looked utterly
exhausted, his eyes bloodshot with dark bags under them, and he'd obviously been fucking
with his hair in frustration all night long because it was sticking up all over the place.
"Close?" I asked, wondering exactly what he meant by that.. He jumped and glanced up at
me with shock, not realizing I was standing there.
"Shit, how long have you been there?" he asked.
"Just a second," I responded. "What do you mean, so close?"
He sighed. "I mean, I've got everything how it was. I think I have the chip switched back to
track the one in Isabella but every time I open the damn program it has an error and can't
get a lock on her."
"You can fix it, right?" I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly.
"I don't know," he said quietly, frowning. My temper started flaring, his answer not what I
wanted to fucking hear.
"What the fuck do you mean you don't know?" I yelled. "Christ, Emmett, you have to be
able to fix it!"
He stared at me for a second and I heard my father's bitter laughter ring out behind me,
catching me off guard because I didn't fucking know he was even there. "That's what
happens when amateurs screw around with things they have no business touching," he
said, walking by me into the living room. He pulled a small folded-up slip of paper from
his pocket and handed it to my brother. "The doctor we visited in Phoenix did some
digging and is pretty sure that's the serial number of her microchip. Between that and my
codes, you should be able to locate her. Let's just hope you didn't somehow alter the damn
system when you were toying with it and wipe her out completely."
Emmett immediately went to work, not bothering to respond to the scathing words, and
my father turned to leave. He looked completely disheveled and had obviously been up all
night working on shit. "Do you have any leads?" I asked as he walked by me, desperate to
know if he fucking knew anything. Between the situation with Laurent, who I could only
assume was fucking dead, and the sit-down with Aro, they had to have
learned something that could help us.
"We'll talk later," he said, not even bothering to look at me as he walked away.
I stood there watching Emmett for a moment longer before Esme stepped out of the
kitchen, looking just as fucking exhausted as everyone else. She smiled sadly and headed
in my direction, giving me a pointed look as she held a pill and glass of water out to me. "I
thought I heard your voice," she said softly as I took it from her, swallowing the pill and
washing it down. "How are you feeling?"
I shrugged as I handed the water back to her and didn't bother answering, unsure of what
the fuck to say. How did she think I was feeling? I hurt, inside and out, my entire life was
fucking chaos. My body was broken and my spirit felt the same way; everything was
spiraling out of control. Was I supposed to tell her that shit, that I felt as if dying would be
goddamn relief at that moment? Or was I supposed to lie and pretend I was holding it
together, when the reality was I wanted to fucking fall to pieces?
She sighed as she sat the water down on a desk in the hallway, and started rubbing my back
gently. "I know it hurts, kiddo. They're doing all they can. None of them slept last night.
Your father and Alec got home a few minutes ago and are sorting through things. If anyone
can find her, it's them."
I nodded. "I know, but I feel fucking useless just standing around. I feel like I need to do
something. Everyone else has been busy and I'm just here like dead weight and shit," I
said, running my hand through my hair anxiously as I glanced up at the clock on the wall
by the door, seeing it was half past eight already. "It's like I'm just waiting for the other
shoe to drop and I hate that goddamn feeling." She opened her mouth to respond but
chaos erupted before she could even get a single word out.
"Got it!" Emmett hollered excitedly, jumping to his feet so quick it startled both Esme and
me. My eyes widened in shock and he glanced up at me with a big smile, looking fucking
proud of himself.
My heart started pounding rapidly as the office door down the hall was flung open roughly,
slamming hard against a wall, and Alec stepped out into the hallway. I looked over right
away, figuring he'd somehow heard Emmett, but all fucking hope that I'd just gotten from
my brother's words disappeared instantly when I made eye contact with my uncle. He had
a horrified look on his face, and my blood run cold. Alec was always calm and collected,
even more so than my father, but at that moment he appeared to be in a serious panic. I
knew immediately that something was terribly fucking wrong and I started
hyperventilating as worst-case scenarios began running through my mind, but never in my
wildest fucking dreams could I have imagined what would happen next.
"FBI! Search Warrant!! Get on the ground!"
We looked at each other in shock as the shouting rang out from outside, multiple voices
yelling frantically. I turned quickly, horrified and in disbelief, as something hard banged
against the door and forced it open. I flinched as it slammed against the wall, the same
noise ringing out on the other side of the house as the back door was also busted open.
Instinctively, I took a few steps back and covered my head as a series of loud bangs
ricocheted through the downstairs, accompanied by bright, blinding lights as they flash
bombed the house. It sounded like firecrackers going off all around and I recoiled in shock
as my heart started racing wildly.
"Everyone on the ground, NOW!" the shouting continued as an influx of men dressed in
SWAT gear burst through the doors. Rosalie screamed from the living room and I could
hear Emmett cursing, their voices muffled in my ringing ears. It all happened so fucking
fast and I watched Esme dropped straight to the ground with her hands above her head,
but I couldn't seem to fucking move.
"Get down!" a man screamed angrily, pointing his gun straight at me. Esme grabbed on to
my foot and pulled roughly, catching me off guard and sending me stumbling. I dropped to
my knees and someone pushed me down flat, thrusting my face into the floor. I cried out
from the pain and cursed as someone grabbed a hold of my arms and forced them behind
me. It took a second for it to register that they were handcuffing me and I started cursing,
confused and frightened.
"Fuck!" I yelled, trying to pull my goddamn hands away from them. I wasn't sure what the
fuck was going on but I knew damn well I couldn't get locked up. My girl was out there
somewhere and I needed to go fucking find her. I didn't have time for their bullshit.
"Don't resist," Esme yelled beside me. I turned my head toward her in a panic and saw
they were handcuffing her also but she seemed almost calm, her expression serious. "They
just need to detain us temporarily." I stared at her for a moment, realizing she'd likely
been through it before, and nodded my head slightly as I relaxed my arms and let them
secure the cuffs. I winced as they tightened them, almost cutting off my fucking
circulation.
"Carlisle Cullen, you're under arrest for violation of the RICO Acts, Title 18 of the United
States Code, Section 1961," I heard an officer say. My eyes widened in horror and I looked
down the hallway, watching as they led him toward the front door. "You have the right to
remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have
the right to have an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you."
"Dad," I called out to him frantically as they neared. I was panicked, realizing he was
seriously fucking being arrested. He glanced down at me, his expression fierce.
"Tenere la bocca chiusa, Edward," he said sharply, telling me to keep my mouth shut as
they led him outside. They pulled Alec up off of the ground next and started reading him
the same rights they'd read my father, placing him under arrest as they patted him down.
"Call the lawyers, Esme. I don't want them seizing anything without a lawyer present," he
said calmly.
"I will," she responded, her voice shaking a bit. "Rimanere forte. Ti amo, bell'uomo mio."
"Sei la mia vita, la mia gioia. Io ti amo, ma non preoccupatevi per me," Alec said.
"Abbiamo bisogno di preoccuparsi per la ragazza."
"I know," Esme said quietly as they pushed Alec out the door.
An officer pulled her up off of the ground and searched her quickly before they walked
away, and others led both Emmett and Rosalie out of the living room in handcuffs right
afterward. They pulled me to my feet last and an officer pushed me against the wall,
vehemently patting me down and pulling all of my shit out of my pockets. He confiscated
my cell phone as well as Isabella's, which I was still fucking carrying around, and I was
immediately grateful that I hadn't been able to bring my fucking gun with me on the trip.
They pawed at me roughly, grabbing at me as they searched, and practically assaulting me

in the fucking process. Once they were satisfied I had no weapons, they led me through the
front door, leaving me completely fucking flabbergasted at the sight before me. The entire
street was already blocked off and covered in police vehicles, dozens and dozens of FBI
agents and local officers swarming the area. I glanced over to the side and watched as they
put my father and uncle into separate unmarked police cruisers, my footsteps faltering and
my knees starting to going weak as the reality of it all hit me.
Everything was getting worse by the second.
"Walk," the officer said impatiently, pushing me. I stumbled a few steps, cursing, and he
steered me over toward the curb where the others were sitting. He grabbed my shoulder
and pushed me down roughly, pain coursing through my body.
"Fuck!" I spat, wincing as I sat down beside Esme. "Take it fucking easy, man! I'm hurt!"
"Do you need an EMT to look at you, son?" an older officer a few feet away asked, taking a
few steps in our direction. I looked at him and narrowed my eyes angrily, reading the
'Special Agent US D.O.J.' written on his vest in bright yellow letters. My father kept saying
it probably wouldn't be long before the Department of Justice came knocking so it
shouldn't have been a surprise, but what great fucking timing those bastards had...
"I'm not your son," I said sharply. "And what I need is to get the fuck out of here. This is
bullshit."
"A little patience would be nice. I'm Special Agent Joey DiFronzo," the man said. I cocked
an eyebrow at him, shaking my head at his very obviously Italian name... fucking traitor.
"You must be Dr. Cullen's son." He let out a chuckle and I narrowed my eyes in annoyance
as the officer who patted me down walked over, handing him my wallet.
"Why's that so fucking funny?" I asked as my temper flared, wondering who the fuck he
thought he was. He simply shook his head as he opened my wallet to pulled out my driver's
license. I closed my eyes the moment he did and sighed, knowing damn well what he was
about to find.
"Ah, what's this?" he asked, clearly amused by what he had found. I didn't even have to
look at him to know he was enjoying the bullshit. "Edward Anthony Cullen. Tell me, son,
what year were you born? We seem to have two different ID's here with two different ages.
Are you having an identity crisis?"
"Fuck you," I said, irritated.
"Edward," Esme hissed. The man laughed again and I looked at him as my hands started
trembling. He was lucky he was a federal agent and I was restrained, because I wanted
nothing more at that second than to punch him in the fucking mouth for talking to me with
so much disrespect. He smirked at me for a moment, almost as if he were trying to taunt
me, before someone called his name and he turned away.
Another agent came over and helped Esme to her feet, releasing her from her handcuffs
and handing her a cell phone. She called the lawyers to explain to them what was
happening, and when she was finished she handed the phone back and took her seat again.
I expected them to put her back in handcuffs but instead they started handing her
paperwork and explaining exactly what they were doing. They released Emmett and
Rosalie from their handcuffs after a moment and I watched as calmly as I could, my
patience wearing thin.
"Are you going to take mine off?" I asked when everyone else was freed. The officers
standing around didn't respond for a moment and I groaned, shaking my head. "Seriously,
this is bullshit."
"Go ahead and take his cuffs off," Agent DiFronzo said as he turned back to us, the smirk
still on his goddamn lips. An officer removed my cuffs and I started rubbing my wrists,
grumbling under my breath. I hated the fucking feeling of being restricted and
immediately thought about Isabella, wondering if she were in restraints somewhere. It
made me think about the day I'd found her handcuffed to her bed, the memory of the fear
and pain in her expression sending an ache through my chest.
Christ, I really needed to fucking find her...

"Where is she?" I asked under my breath, turning to look at Emmett as my panic flared.
"You said you got it, where was she?" He glanced at me and sighed.
"She's nearby," he said. "Up north a bit. I didn't have a chance to zoom into the exact area
but it was in Highland Park."
"Highland Park?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion. "Are you sure? I didn't think
anyone from the outfit dealt with that area."
"They don't," Esme whispered, shaking her head.
"Then what the fuck is she doing up there?" I asked in confusion, none of it making sense.
What the fuck kind of game was James playing? Esme sighed.
"I, uh... I don't know," Esme said, sighing. "It's a relatively calm area. They stay out mainly
because it has a large Russian population."
My eyes widened in shock and I stared at her, my fear increasing as I recalled hearing my
father talk about how vile and uncivilized the Russian's so-called organization was. He
mentioned before how they had no respect for anyone and weren't above viciously hurting
innocents - and even their own people - for an upper hand. "Russians," I stated. "It's the
fucking Russians!"
They looked at me with shock, because I nearly goddamn screamed it, and a few officers
nearby glanced at me with confusion.
"What about the Russians?" asked Agent DiFronzo, raising his eyebrows curiously. I stared
at him for a second before shaking my head.
"What?" I said quickly. "I didn't say anything about any fucking Russians."
He looked at me like I was stupid and shook his head, turning back away to talk to another
officer. Esme sighed with frustration. "Tenere la bocca chiusa," she said, repeating the
same shit my father had said, telling me to keep my damn mouth shut.
"Fuck, I didn't mean to yell," I whispered. "But James has to be working with the Russians.
That's the only fucking thing that makes sense."
"Alec worried that was the case," Esme said. "He's worried for awhile that..."
Esme quieted as a man in a suit with a bullet-proof DOJ vest walked over, informing her
that her lawyer had arrived. She was allowed up to speak to him, and they took that
opportunity to separate the rest of us. I sat quietly with my hands clenched in fists, tapping
my foot impatiently as they led Rosalie and Emmett away, leaving me fucking sitting there
in front of the cocky ass special agent who still had my goddamn wallet in his hand.
I wasn't sure how long I sat there, but it felt like fucking hours. The man tried to ask me
questions about my father but I ignored them, refusing to say a damn word the entire time.
If he thought I'd betray my family, he was fucking wrong. I was fucking numb from the pill
Esme had given me, but my ass was starting to hurt from sitting on the concrete sidewalk.
I tried to shift position to help but every time I did a dozen agents tensed up and eyed me
like I was going to make a fucking move or something.
They started bringing boxes and bags out of the house eventually, dozens of them tagged
with evidence tape. I wasn't sure what the fuck it was they were confiscating, couldn't even
begin to imagine what the hell Alec had hidden in the house, but hoped like hell it wasn't
too incriminating. I was leaning back on my elbows and staring down at the ground when
another agent walked over to Agent DiFronzo, holding a piece of paper out to him. "Here's
the list of items," he said. The man took it and scanned it with his eyes, nodding.
"Good," he said. "Is it complete?"
"Almost," the man replied. "They're packing up the computers now. Three of them, a
desktop and laptop in the downstairs office, and another laptop in the living room."
My eyes snapped to him instantly, confusion and fear striking me at those words. "What
the fuck do you mean you're packing that laptop up?" I asked as I sat up straight. They
both glanced over at me and the special agent laughed.
"Oh, now you want to talk?" he asked. "It means it's being taken for evidence."
"Why?" I snapped, scared because it was our only means of pinpointing where the hell they
had Isabella.
"Because the court-ordered warrant states that all computers and data drives were to be
seized," he answered simply.
"You can't fucking take that one," I said, shaking my head.
"Why?" Agent DiFronzo asked.
"Because, Christ, you just can't," I said, not knowing what the hell to say. "I fucking need
it."
He laughed, obviously not moved by my explanation. "It'll be returned eventually, if it's

proven to be unnecessary to our investigation, but for now it's in our custody." He nodded
his head toward the house and I turned, dread running through me when I saw an officer
carrying my father's laptop out of the house in a clear plastic bag. I glanced around
frantically and froze when I caught sight of Emmett, horror on his face when he saw they
were taking it. He glanced over at me in a panic and shook his head, sending me into a
frenzy. I jumped to my feet and started backing away from the curb, as a dozen agents
turned to face me, drawing their weapons.
"Stop!" Agent DiFronzo demanded. Esme screamed my name and something slammed into
me as I turned to look at her, the force of it sending me flying sideways onto the ground. I
groaned at the sharp pains shooting through my sides and tried to push them off as they
landed on top of me, screaming and cursing. They forced me onto my stomach and pulled
my arms roughly behind my back, securing them with handcuffs. I tried to fucking fight,
kicking my legs frantically, but I was sorely outnumbered and entirely too weak to get them
off of me.
I was pulled to my feet after a moment and looked up to see Agent DiFronzo, his expression
serious and his eyes narrowed angrily. "Take him downtown," he said firmly.
"For?" I spat angrily. "I didn't fucking do anything!" He just stared at me for a second, the
smirk slowly returning to his lips.
"It's been a pleasure to meet you, Edward Cullen," he said. "I'm sure we'll be seeing more
of each other in the future."
He turned and walked away as officers started pulling me toward a police cruiser. I started
screaming at Agent DiFronzo, calling him every fucking name I could think of, and didn't
make it easy on them to take me in. They forced me in the back of a car after a moment
and started it up, pulling away from the house. I caught sight of Esme along the street as
we pulled away and could see the concern in her expression.
They drove to the county jail and I was taken straight to a dirty, overcrowded holding cell
where dozens of other men sat. I found a seat in the corner of the room and sat with my
head down, gripping onto my hair tightly. The atmosphere was fucking tense as people
bickered and fucking complained about every goddamn thing, but I tried to block out as
much as possible. I was growing more frantic with each passing second but knew I needed
to keep my head on straight because I'd fucked up enough as it was. I needed to watch my
damn temper, needed to heed Alec's warning and stop fucking making myself look so damn
vulnerable. I couldn't let them see my weaknesses, couldn't let people see me fucking
rattled. I kept chanting my fathers words in my head, telling myself to keep my fucking
mouth shut and stay calm, and I ignored everyone who tried to speak to me.
Hours passed. My name was occasionally called and I was transferred out of the holding
cell I was in to another one, each one much like the one before it. I stayed to myself as my
mind frantically raced, each second driving me closer and closer to a fucking breakdown.
There was a phone in the corner of the cells that I used a few times to call the Evanson's
house collect, but each time I got the fucking answering machine and I couldn't remember
anyone else's goddamn phone number.
They called my name again, eventually, and just like the other half-dozen times I walked
out quietly, fighting to keep my temper under control as the guards ordered me around. A
few made snide comments under their breath, calling me names, but I knew fighting with
one of them was the worst thing I could do. I'd gotten myself in enough fucking trouble.
It was after nightfall by the time they sent me to intake to book me in the system. They
took me to a small room where I sat across from a lady who asked me a whole lot of
motherfucking questions that I had no desire to answer. I told her the basics, like my name
and birth date, but when they started asking me bullshit about how I fucking felt or if I
were suicidal I shut up quickly. Who the fuck did they think they were, asking me if I felt
like harming myself or someone else? The love of my life was missing, my help was gone,
and the biggest hope in finding my girl was confiscated by the goddamn government.
Instead of being out there, searching, I was trapped in that small goddamn room with the
nosy bitch asking me if I felt angry. Of course I was angry! Was I supposed to be
fucking happy?
They didn't fucking know me and didn't give a shit about what I was going through, so I
just sat quietly and glared at her. They gave up asking eventually and ordered me out,
where they gave me an identification number, fingerprinted me, and took photographs. I
was strip searched and given a medical screening where they took a blood sample and gave
me a chest x-ray. I put on an orange jumpsuit while they put all of my belongings together
in a bag, my anger mounting with each passing second.
They still hadn't even told me what the fuck I was being charged with.
They sent me back to the nosy bitch in the small room, where she inquired as to where the
hell I'd gotten my injuries since the fractures to my ribs showed up in the X-Ray. I stared
at her briefly before shaking my head, not bothering to answer.
In fact, I refused to say another goddamn word.
They realized they'd get nothing more from me and assigned me to protective custody,
citing my high-profile father and current serious injuries as reason enough to isolate me
from population, and took me to a tiny cell alone where I had nothing but a fucking light
and a blanket. Time passed excruciatingly slow, hours slipping by while I lay there alone. I
could hear inmates all around me yelling and cursing, sirens going off occasionally followed
by guards running by the door. It was overwhelming and I couldn't stop thinking about
Isabella, worrying for her and wondering what the fuck was going on.
I barely slept, tossing and turning in agony all night. The next morning they came by with
a breakfast tray but I refused to eat their food, demanding they tell me what they hell I did
wrong and get me a fucking lawyer.
The same thing happened with lunch--I ignored their fucking food and they ignored my
questions. I was infuriated by the time dinner rolled around, utterly exhausted and
frantically pacing the tiny cell. I heard someone walking up the hall and expected another
goddamn tray of food, but was surprised when he unlocked my door to open it. I narrowed
my eyes and stared at him suspiciously, wondering what was going on.
"You have a visitor," the corrections officer said. He handcuffed and shackled me before
leading me to a small room with a table in the middle of it. There was a dark-skinned
Italian man with greying hair sitting inside, a briefcase open in front of him on the table.
He looked up when I entered and smiled, motioning for me to sit down. The corrections
officer walked out after I took my seat, shutting the door and leaving us alone.
"Mr. Cullen, my name is Michael Ricci, Attorney at Law," he said, reaching his hand out
toward me. I shook it quickly, instantly relived that I was finally seeing a fucking lawyer,
even if I did have no clue who the hell he was. "Esme Cullen-Evanson contacted me. I've
been retained quite a few times by the Cullen and Evanson families over the years so I'm
quite aware of the situation."
"Okay," I said hesitantly. He started pulling out paperwork, sliding it across to me along
with a pen.
"I need you to sign these documents, agreeing to allow me to handle your case, and
anything that is said in this room is completely privileged and confidential," he stated. I
nodded and glanced down, scanning the papers quickly. I awkwardly signed the lines the
best I could, still in my restraints, before sliding them back across to him.
"Good. Now, first of all, I need to know if you've spoken to anyone. Have they attempted to
interrogate you in any way?" he asked, slipping the papers back into his briefcase.
"No," I said, slouching down in the uncomfortable plastic chair. "They haven't said shit to
me. They haven't even really explained to me what the fuck I'm doing here."
"They charged you with possessing a fraudulent government document, Mr. Cullen," he
said. "The charge is a Class 4 Felony, but can easily be knocked down to a misdemeanor.
You should've been given a probable cause hearing within a few hours of your arrival and
had bail set, but it seems they've forgotten their own protocol."
"Then why the fuck am I sitting in that damn cell then?" I asked.
"Because the law states they can detain you for a reasonable amount of time while
investigating suspected violations of crimes," he stated. "They claim to be detaining you for
obstruction of justice, but it's completely absurd and they have no grounds to charge you
for it. The reality of it is you're sitting in that cell simply because you're Carlisle Cullen's
son, Alec Evanson's nephew, and Aro Moretti's godson."
"That's fucked up," I said, shaking my head. "I have nothing to do with any of that shit."
"I know, but it happens. Guilty by association, Mr. Cullen," he said. "I'm going to work on
having you released. It shouldn't be more than a few days."
"Days?" I asked incredulously. "I'm supposed to stay in this fucking place for days?"
"Unfortunately, yes. I'm going to request a hearing to see if we can get your release
ordered, but it may take some time to get in front of a judge. They typically don't detain
like this for more than forty-eight hours, but Illinois law gives them a bit of leeway on the
matter," he responded. "So just hang tight and we'll get you out of here. I'll be in touch."
He left without another word, and the corrections officer walked in to escort me back to my
cell. There was a tray of food awaiting me when I arrived and I grabbed the container of
pudding along with the juice, sitting down on the small lumpy bed.
Night fell before long and exhaustion took hold of me as I drifted off to sleep, unable to
physically stay awake any longer. I slept restlessly all night, nightmares creeping in and
invading the small amount of peace I was able to get under the circumstances. I dreamed
of Isabella, heard her screams and felt her torture, and I dreamed about my mother again.
I relived that day a decade earlier in that alley not far from where I was, felt the horror and
devastation as they spilled her blood and took one of the most beautiful women to ever
exist from the world.
La cosa nostra had stolen my mother from me, but I'd be fucking damned if I'd let it
happen again. I was going to find Isabella and save her, if it was the last fucking thing I
did. I wouldn't let the cruelty of the world I was born into take away another beautiful
creature. She deserved the chance to survive and flourish, and nothing was going to
fucking stop me from giving that to her.
The next day passed similar to the first, and with each passing minute I became more
resigned that I would do whatever I had to do once I got out in order to save Isabella.
Sometime in the evening the corrections officer came to tell me I had a visitor, handcuffing
and shackling me before leading me back to that same room. I figured it was Mr. Ricci and
hoped he had some fucking good news to tell me, but I froze when I stepped inside and saw
the familiar man who was clearly not my fucking lawyer.
"Edward Cullen," Special Agent DiFronzo said, motioning toward the chair across from
him. "Have a seat."
"I have nothing to say to you," I said pointedly. If he thought I was seriously going to
fucking talk to him, he was out of his mind.
"You don't even know why I'm here," he responded. I laughed bitterly.
"It doesn't fucking matter why you're here," I responded. "The answer is no. I have nothing
to fucking say to you."
"Fair enough. You know your rights; they were read to you. You have the right to refuse to
speak to me and can go back to your cell, if that's what you want to do," he said, shrugging.
I turned around right away to leave and he sighed exaggeratedly. "I was just wondering
who Isabella Swan was." My heart started pounding rapidly at the mention of her, the ache
in my chest intensifying as I began to panic.
"Why?" I asked immediately, turning back around to face him.
"I'm just curious about her, considering her name has come up a few times during the
course of the investigation," he said. "I tried locating her, but it seems she's quite a mystery
to everyone and there's barely any evidence at all that she even exists. It's almost as if she's
a... ghost."
I immediately flinched at the word and his lips curved up into a smirk at my reaction. He
knew exactly what the fuck he was doing by toying with my emotions. "Why are you asking
me?" I asked, trying to keep my composure. I couldn't let him think I was vulnerable or he
could use her to fucking manipulate me. "I have nothing to do with my father's business."
"That may very well be true, but I figured if you helped me then maybe I could help you,"
he answered.
"I don't need your fucking help," I spat. "And there's nothing I can tell you."
"You can't even tell me who Isabella Swan is?" he asked, raising his eyebrows
questioningly.
"No," I lied.
"Huh, that's funny. You see, we made a trip to your hometown yesterday and it seems the
people in Forks are under the impression that this Isabella Swan person is your girlfriend.
In fact, I came across this while I was there," he said, reaching into his coat pocket and
pulling a picture out. He held it up and my knees went weak when I saw it was a picture of
Isabella and I, smiling and hugging in the snow. It was one Alice had taken of us during
Christmas, one I remembered very fucking clearly as being in Isabella's scrapbook at home.
I looked away from it quickly as the tears started forming in my eyes, unable to fucking
take it. She'd been so goddamn happy and carefree that day.
"Did that jog your memory, Mr. Cullen?" he asked.
"Fuck you," I said quietly, my voice shaking.
"Where is she?" he asked. "She's not in Forks and she wasn't here with you in Chicago.
Your brothers Emmett and Jasper claim to be completely ignorant, as do Miss Hale and
Miss Brandon. Your father won't speak, neither will your uncle, and his wife Esme
lawyered up the moment her name came from my lips. The only other person this girl
seems to know is a boy named Jacob Black, who coincidentally seems to also be missing.
In fact, they both seemed to have dropped from the radar at the exact same time."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said.
"Don't you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. "I know you're aware of who Jacob
Black is. It seems the people in Forks are under the impression that you tried to kill him
last year, although there is no official record of any such incident occurring. Oddly enough
the reservation got a large anonymous donation and Jacob's family had a new house built
thanks to some kind-hearted stranger after their house burned in an unfortunate accident.
Quite a coincidence, huh?"
I didn't respond, staring at him blankly while I pretended to keep my cool even though I
was frantic on the inside. I had no idea where he was fucking going with his questioning
and wanted to bolt from the goddamn room, but I knew that would just make me look
fucking guilty of something.
"Did something happen to your girlfriend, Mr. Cullen?" he asked. "You can tell me, you
know. I'm here to help you..."
"You aren't fucking here to help me," I retorted. "You don't give a shit about me. You're
just here to help yourself."
"Did she run off with Jacob Black?" he continued, ignoring me. "Did she choose him over
you?"
"You don't know what you're talking about," I snapped, glaring at him.
"Is she dead?" he asked. I recoiled from his statement, grabbing on to the wall to stabilize
myself, and feeling like I was going to fucking pass out.
"No!" I yelled.
"Is Jacob dead?" he asked right away.
"Are you fucking accusing me of something?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm just trying to help, as I said. We can work something
out here. If something happened, Mr. Cullen, I assure you I can help you. If she's missing
or has been hurt..."
"There's nothing you can do for me," I snapped, cutting him off.
"Or is it the Russians?" he asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "You said something
about Russians..."
"I want my lawyer."
"Fine," he said, stopping his questioning mid-sentence. He stuck the picture of Isabella
and me back into his pocket and smiled. "You know, Mr. Cullen, the truth always prevails.
At the end of the day, the truth is what sets you free."
He turned and walked out, and the corrections officer came to return me to my cell. I
paced all night, frenzied, as I tried to sort through what the fuck he'd said. He was getting
way too close to the truth for my comfort and my paranoia was at an all time high. We
needed to get the shit solved as soon as possible before he grew too suspicious and ended
up involved, because i knew police involvement would only get us all killed.
The next morning someone approached and I glanced at the door, figuring it was the
people with the breakfast tray, but was surprised when the corrections officer unlocked my
door and told me I was being taken for a hearing. He ushered me out and took me to a
busy courtroom where my lawyer was already waiting. I saw Esme sitting in the crowd and
she smiled sadly, giving me a small wave.
It took a few minutes before my name was called and Mr. Ricci stood up, arguing that I was
being unfairly detained and there was no probable cause to keep me incarcerated. The
judge seemed reluctant, most likely because of my fucking last name, but eventually
agreed. He ordered my bail set at $5,000 and we headed down to where I'd been
booked. They started the release process while Esme paid the money for my bail. I ended
up sitting around for almost a fucking hour as they fingerprinted me again and compared
me to my picture to confirm that I was still the same motherfucker, asking me just as many
questions on the way out as they had on my way in.
They finally finished and I was allowed to change back into my clothes, and was given my
personal effects that they'd confiscated at the scene, sans my fake ID. As soon as I walked
out the front door I saw Esme standing off to the side, appearing anxious. I walked over to
her and sighed. "You had me scared, kiddo," she said quietly, reaching up and patting my
cheek softly. "Don't you ever do that again, you hear me?"
"Thank you," I said quietly. "For breaking me out and shit."
She smiled, shaking her head. "You shouldn't have been in there in the first place. Let's
just hope Mr. Ricci has just as much luck working on my brother and husband's cases."
"How are they?" I asked. "Fuck, where are they?"
"They're here. In fact, they were housed in the same division as you, but you never saw
each other because you were all in protective custody. They have hearings next week. The
case against your father is a lot stronger than the one against Alec. The lawyers are
confident they can get bail for both and likely get charges dropped against Alec, but they
aren't so sure about Carlisle," she answered.
"Fuck," I said, shaking my head. "They're going to be in there until next goddamn week at
the earliest?"
She nodded. "Unfortunately," she whispered. "Let's go home. We'll figure something out."
I followed her to her car and climbed in to the passenger seat. She started the car up and
pulled away from the courthouse, a tense silence lingering in the car during the drive. It
seemed everything had come to a head and as we passed that alley a few blocks away from
the neighborhood my family had once happily resided in, it all seemed to finally sink in. I
knew what I was facing wasn't going to be easy and I would have to take some big risks in
order to save her, but I was willing to sacrifice anything.
And it seemed that was exactly what I would have to do...
Esme pulled up to the house and we both climbed out, but I remained in the driveway. She
realized after a second that I wasn't following behind her to the door and paused, glancing
at me apprehensively.
"You coming inside?" she asked.
I shook my head, running a hand through my hair nervously. I could feel the tears building
up but fought my emotions back fiercely, trying to put on that fucking calm mask Alec had
warned me I'd need. "I can't," I answered.
"I understand," she said quietly. "What do you need?"
"I, uh... I have somewhere I need to go," I said.
She stared at me for a moment and I could see the panic in her eyes. She knew exactly what
I was planning to do. "Edward..."
I held my hands up to stop her. "Look, I've made mistakes but I'm not an idiot. Just trust
me, Esme. I'd never ever fucking do anything to get any of you hurt, I mean that."
"Okay," she whispered hesitantly, walking over and handing me the car keys. "Be careful."
I nodded and took the keys, climbing into the driver's seat and pulling away from the
house. I drove to the other side of Lincoln Park, my anxiety increasing with each passing
mile, and pulled up in front of the large white mansion. I got out and headed for the front
door, pausing on the porch to take a deep breath. The intake of air hurt my chest but the
burn was almost a fucking relief, because it distracted me from my frazzled nerves. I
reached up and pressed the doorbell and the door was opened almost immediately, a
vaguely familiar girl standing in front of me. It took a second to place her, my hands
shaking at the revelation that she was the slave in the barn in Phoenix that had found
Renee, the girl whose screams had plagued my mind ever since that day.
I saw the recognition flash in her eyes and she looked away quickly, appearing almost
fucking frightened by my presence. "May I help you, sir?" she asked, her voice shaking.
"I, uh... I need to see Aro, " I said.
"And your name, sir?" she asked.
"Edward Cullen," I answered.
She opened her mouth to speak again but was cut off abruptly by a females voice behind
her, one I recognized as belonging to Aro's wife Sulpicia. "Edward Cullen?" she said,
pulling the door open further to look at me. "What a surprise. I thought you were locked
up with the rest of them."
"No," I said, glaring at her.
She shrugged nonchalantly, bringing a glass she was holding up to her mouth and gulping
the contents down. "Well, then. My mistake, I suppose. Come on inside. I'm sure Aro will
be positively ecstatic to see you," she said with a sarcastic laugh. I eyed her suspiciously as
she paused, thrusting the empty glass at the girl and making her flinch. "Make me a drink,
slave, will you?"
The girl nodded and grabbed the glass, running off for the kitchen. I followed Sulpicia up
the stairs and she motioned toward a closed door on the second floor, telling me it was
Aro's office. I walked over to it and hesitated, unsure of how the fuck I was going to do
what I had come to do, but forced myself to knock because I knew deep down inside there
was no other way. I knew I had to fucking be careful, though, and go about it right so I
didn't make anything worse. I heard a loud groan inside and the door was pulled open
roughly a second later, a very annoyed Aro standing in the doorway.
"What?!" he snapped right away, freezing when he saw it was me. "Oh, Edward, what a
surprise! I thought you were my wife, coming to nag me some more. Come in."
He motioned for me to enter and I stepped past him into the vast room. He shut the door
and walked over to his desk, sitting down while I took a seat in a chair across from him.
"To what do I owe the honor of your visit?" he asked with a smile that was obviously
fucking forced. "Business or pleasure?"
"I think you already know why I'm here, so we can cut the bullshit," I said, catching him off
guard with my bluntness. His smile immediately fell and he nodded.
"You always were a bold one, so it would be a lie to say I'm surprised," he responded. "Most
people wouldn't dare come to me, but you have guts and nerves that very few possess.
Some may call it irrational, but I like to call it passionate. You know what matters and
nothing will stop you from protecting it or succeeding, no matter the personal cost. That
kind of loyalty and commitment is rare nowadays."
"I have to find her," I said, not wasting any time because there wasn't any fucking
time to waste. "No matter what."
"I understand, my dear boy, and I can respect that," he said, folding his hands together on
top of his desk as he gazed at me. "She's a nice girl and it truly is a pity what has
happened. I hope she's found safe, and I truly wish I could help you..."
"You wish you could help?" I responded, cutting him off. "What the fuck does that mean?
You can help."
He sighed and shook his head, standing back up. "You're wrong, Edward. I can't. You see,
as unfortunate as this entire thing is, I have much more pressing matters to deal with right
now. I've recently had some of my men convicted in this Operation Family
Secrets investigation with the Justice Department and now they're turning on me quicker
than I can keep track of. My men are being arrested left and right, their houses invaded
and property seized, because no one seems to grasp the concept of loyalty anymore. I have
men missing, whether they've gotten in with the other side or are just running scared I
don't know, but either way they've turned their backs on us and I can't tolerate it. Every
day it's something new, someone new I need to hunt down or try to get out of trouble. I'm
already low on men as it is, so until this entire thing blows over and settles down I just can't
take on anything else."
I stared at him with disbelief. "But this is my fucking girl," I snapped, standing up in a
panic. "I love her for Christ's sake, and she's been fucking kidnapped. And not just by
anyone, but by your goddamn people, and you're telling me you can't help me? Seriously?"
"I'm sorry, Edward," he said calmly. "I gave your father and Alec the go ahead the other
night to track her down, because she's their responsibility, but I fail to see what more the
issue has to do with me."
"But James fucking took her!" I yelled. "Your James. One of your fucking own kidnapped
her, and you're telling me it's not your problem?"
"Look, if anyone wants to locate James, I assure you it's me. I have people on the lookout
for him, and when he's found he's going to have to face the consequences of his recent,
uh, actions. But I don't have the resources or the justification right now to focus solely on
tracking him down when my entire organization is being attacked by outside forces," he
said, shaking his head. "I don't have to tell you how important your father and Alec are,
how vital they are to keeping the Borgata intact. It's unfortunate about the girl and I
sympathize with how you feel, Edward, because I have lost many loved ones in my lifetime,
but the fact of the matter is Isabella Swan is nothing to me."
His words hit me hard and my eyes narrowed angrily as I clenched my hands into fists, his
callous, nonchalant tone sending my temper flaring. "You're so fucking full of it," I
snapped. "She's not nothing to you, she's fucking family!"
I caught myself quickly, realizing the second the fucking word came out exactly what the
hell I had said. It was the one fucking thing Alec had warned me not to do, the one thing
that would get us all killed. I tensed up and stared at him with shock as I awaited for his
reaction, my heart pounding furiously and sickness brewing inside of me. Part of me
expected him to pull out a fucking gun and shoot me on the spot, but he just stood gazing at
me with a curious expression on his face, like he was contemplating my words.
"Family?" he said after a moment, smirking like something was fucking funny about that
concept. "How in the world do you come to that conclusion, Edward?"
I hesitated for a split second, my nerves on edge, but I knew I needed to react quickly to
cover my tracks. "She's one of us, Aro. I love her, and I'm going to marry her. I'm your
fucking godson, so how can she be nothing to you? I thought we were all family," I said,
shaking my head as my eyes welled with tears, my emotions getting the best of me. "I need
to fight for her; I have to find her. You talk about all of this loyalty and commitment shit,
but where's yours? Where's your dedication to your fucking family? Am I nothing to you,
too? Am I not your fucking family, either?"
He sighed. "You chose not to be a part of my family, Edward," he responded. My eyes

narrowed as a tear slipped through and I brushed it away quickly, fucking angry that my
emotions were getting the best of me. "You had a choice, dear boy. We all have choices to
make in life, and you made yours. I will always have a soft spot for you personally, because
I've watched you grow up and witnessed your pain over the years. It pained me to see you
grieving over the loss of your mother, just as it pains me today to see you hurting for your
lost girlfriend. I'm truly happy that you've found something that you desire in life, that
you've found love, but you need to understand that those things have nothing to do with
me. This organization is my life. This organization is my family, and you chose to not be a
part of that. I respect your choice, but it's all I have left in life, Edward. Just as you will do
anything it takes and sacrifice anything to save what matters most to you, I'll sacrifice
anything it takes to save what matters most to me. We have the same type of loyalty,
Edward, just for different things. You're loyalty lies with your pleasure, mine lies with my
business. The Borgata."
"So, that's it?" I asked with disbelief.
"That's it," he responded.
"And that's what it's going to fucking take," I said, shaking my head and trying to get myself
under control. "You're going to make me..."
"I'm not making you do anything," he snapped right away, cutting me off with an angry
glare. "You can turn around and walk out of that door and pray to God that you find her,
and I truly wish you all the luck in the world doing it. But if you're requesting my
assistance and the use of my resources, if you're demanding my loyalty, then it's only fair
you give me yours in return. Without it, Edward, we have nothing."
My panic, anger and heartbreak all came together in that moment as I quickly tried to
reconcile everything, the past few days events running through my mind. It didn't take
long for me to respond, because deep down inside I already knew the answer. Part of me
fucking knew it the moment I laid eyes on her that first day in the kitchen in Forks. I
always knew I would give up anything for her, sacrifice for her, because she was worth it.
"You got it," I said quietly, tears slipping through. His eyebrows raised in surprise,
obviously not expecting that response, and I saw the excitement flash in his eyes. It pissed
me the fuck off, because it was nothing to be goddamn excited about, but I contained my
anger.
"Are you sure?" he asked. I sighed and nodded, wiping my eyes quickly and clearing my
throat.
"She's the only thing I've ever been sure of," I responded. "Whatever it takes."
"Okay, then," he said. "I'll make some calls."
He quickly left the room and I sat back down, running my hands through my hair and
gripping onto it in frustration, everything overwhelming me. The tears flowed from my
eyes as I rocked back and forth, trying to get a fucking grip on myself. Everything I had
hoped for was fading away with each passing second but I didn't second-guess my decision
at all, knowing I had no other choice but to turn to the one fucking person who had the
ability to help me, even if he lacked the desire.
It was about an hour later when the Mafiosi started to arrive. Caius and Royce were the
only two I knew, the others virtual strangers to me but they greeted me as if they'd known
me forever. I knew it was because of who my father was and it made me fucking sick, but I
pushed that feeling aside, wanting to just get on with it. The quicker we did it, the faster I
could start looking for her and that was the only fucking thing that mattered anymore.
We gathered in the dining room and I stood off to the side as they all took their seats. I was
fucking nervous and had no idea what initiation consisted of outside of swearing to an
oath, but I did my best to hide my anxiety. It doesn’t matter what you feel on the inside,
you never let them see it, Alec had said. It's the only way to make it.
Aro sat a gun and a knife down on the table in front of him. "Since Carlisle is,
unfortunately, otherwise occupied, Royce will be conducting the initiation," he said,
motioning with his hand for Royce to stand up. He gazed at me apprehensively as he stood
and cleared his throat, situating his tie. He looked almost as goddamn nervous as I felt, but
I assumed it had to be fucking nerve-racking initiating one of the boss's kids. That shit
wasn't to be taken lightly.
"Edward Cullen," he said.
"Yes."
"Is your father still alive, Edward?" he asked. I cocked an eyebrow at him at the stupid
fucking question but he shot me a look that said 'don't fucking blame me, I didn't write this
shit' so I nodded.
"Yes, he is."
"And do you have brothers?" he asked.
"Two," I answered.
"If I came to you and said one of your brothers or your father was a police informer, and
that you had to kill them because of it, would you be able to do that without hesitation?" he
asked, eyeing me cautiously. I flinched at his question but nodded, knowing the only
goddamn acceptable answer was 'yes'.
"Whatever it takes," I said quietly, internally fucking cringing at what the hell I'd just
agreed to.
"I have to ask again, and I need you to say it once more," Royce said. "This thing of ours, La
Cosa Nostra, is a life of heaven. It's wonderful, possibly the greatest thing in the world, and
if you want to be part of it, you need to understand that it's for life. Do you get that?"
"Yes, I understand," I said, knowing from my father exactly how true that goddamn
statement was.
"Good Luck, Edward," Royce said, sighing and sitting back down. He averted his eyes and
stared at the table in front of him, his reaction telling me he truly meant that shit. I'd need
good luck. Aro stood up and looked at me, smiling.
"Repeat after me. Io, Edward, voglio entrare in questa organizzazione per proteggere la
mia famiglia e per proteggere I miei amici," Aro said. I repeated the phrase, stating I
wanted to enter the organization to protect my friends and family. "And you swear never to
betray our secrets, to obey with love and Omertà, the Sicilian code of Silence?"
I glanced over at the clock on the wall behind Aro as I processed his words, surprised to see
it was exactly noon. I had been four days since she was taken from me, ninety-six
excruciating hours without her. I knew there was no going back, no walking out of the room
without speaking the fateful words, and in that moment my nerves calmed as I resolved
that I was doing exactly what it was I needed to do.
"I swear."
*****
Tenere la bocca chiusa - keep your mouth shut

Rimanere forte. - Stay strong
Ti amo, bell'uomo mio - I love you, my handsome man.
Sei la mia vita, la mia gioia. - You are my life, my joy.
Io ti amo, ma non preoccupatevi per me - I love you, but don't worry about me.
Abbiamo bisogno di preoccuparsi per la ragazza. - We need to worry about the girl.
Chapter 71 Face of the Enemy
“The face of the enemy frightens me only when I see how much it resembles me”
- Napoleon Bonaparte
Jacob Black.
I could easily recall the first time I met him so many years earlier at the local elementary
school. Edward had just turned ten years old and it was the first time I’d ever made it to
one of his football games because other things were always getting in the way. Between
juggling my job at the hospital and managing my work with the Borgata, it seemed I had
very little time left over for my children. It pained me, and I felt as if I were neglecting
them, but I was doing all I could in order to give them the life they deserved. A life of
relative normalcy, despite the situation they had been born into. A life where they were safe
from harm, away from the cruelties of the world I belonged to. I had to sacrifice in order to
obtain that type of security, but I knew exactly what would come of my children if they
remained in Chicago under the watchful eye of the Borgata and believed it was worth it. It
didn’t matter how much stress it put me under, how much extra work I was given, how
many football games I missed, or how many dances I was oblivious of… all that mattered
was that they were given a chance to live like normal children, even if that meant I had to
miss most of it.
But that day, I’d snuck out from the hospital early to watch. Their playing was more for fun
than anything at that age, but despite the nonchalance over the rules I could tell right away
that my son was talented. He was the one that worried me most; my child that was so much
like his mother that it was difficult to even look at him most days. He was broken inside
and I knew my lack of time and attention wasn’t helping to heal him. I was a doctor for
fuck’s sake, it was my job to heal people, but how to make my son whole again was beyond
me. I vowed to make an effort, however, which was how I’d ended up on that field that
afternoon.
It was toward the middle of the game when a scrawny little brown skinned boy took a nasty
spill and someone’s cleat caught him in the face, leaving a gash on his cheek. I offered to
check out the kid quickly and told them it was superficial, grabbing a first-aid kit from my
car to clean the cut. “Thanks, Doc,” he said cheerfully as I placed the bandage on his face.
“Oh, hey, that reminds me! What did the doctor say when the invisible man called for an
appointment?”
“I’m not sure. What did the doctor say?” I asked curiously.
“Sorry, but I can’t see you today,” he responded, laughing hysterically at his own joke. “Get
it? Can’t see him? You know, because he’s the invisible man!”
I chuckled, telling him it was a good joke, and halftime began as I finished fixing his
wound. Edward ran over to where we were, his face lighting up happily and a twinkle
sparkling in those deep green eyes I had adored so much in his mother.
“Dad!” he’d said excitedly. “You came! You really came to see me play!”
The guilt that hit me in that moment was intense and I felt like the worst father in
existence, unworthy of the admiration and love he obviously felt for me. “I did,” I
responded quietly.
Edward smiled brightly and threw his arm around the boy’s shoulder. “This is Jacob
Black,” he’d said. “He’s my best friend.” His words caught me off guard, because I hadn’t
been aware Edward had actually bonded with anyone. His teachers all reported the same
thing -- he was closed off and shut down, so much so that it was almost as if he weren't
there. He got decent grades, but he didn't participate in anything unless he was forced to.
Well, anything except for football, anyway. He didn’t even interact much with his brothers,
always keeping his distance as he shut his emotions off to everyone. The closest I had seen
him come to opening up to anyone was Alice, but he even refused to let her in completely,
so it was startling seeing him so relaxed with another person.
My pager went off as I stood there, the moment lost in that split second as the beeps rang
out. My son knew right away that I had to go and the sparkle in his eye dissipated
immediately, and the Edward I had grown accustomed to ever since his mother’s death had
returned without a single word spoken. He turned to walk away and Jacob chased after
him, the two of them play fighting and laughing as they headed back onto the field for the
second half of the game. I stood there for a minute, just watching, the sight of the two of
them relieving some of the worry I’d been carrying.
All hope was not lost, I realized, because Edward had someone. Someone to confide in,
someone he could just be himself around. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders
because of what he’d seen witnessed and endured, but it was obvious watching him that
he’d finally found someone he felt like he could relate to. Someone he could just
be Edward around -- the young, innocent, little boy who was haunted by demons that
others couldn’t see.
It became clear to me over the years that Jacob was just as troubled as Edward, and that
first meeting wasn’t the only time I had to fix him up. The two of them were constantly
getting themselves into predicaments, creating havoc and taking risks that made me cringe
to hear about. They came to me injured more times than I could count and I’d tend to their
physical wounds, but I was unsure of how to heal their emotional ones. I always took solace
in the fact that they had each other, though. At least there was that.
After their fall-out I watched as my son spiraled out of control. I worried more than ever
about him, but too much time had passed and I feared there was nothing I could do,
personally, to help him. That love and admiration he’d felt for me as a boy slowly died over
the years and our relationship had become strained. I knew it was my fault, but I’d been so
desperate to make sure he didn’t follow in my footsteps that I hadn't taken the time to
consider what my neglect would do to him. He was a tortured soul, emotionally out of
control, and walking down the one path I had wanted him to stay as far away from as
possible…
The path that led straight to Chicago.
I had hoped the strict routines at the boarding school I sent him to would help him learn
some control and calm his impulsiveness, but when he got back home it was clear it hadn’t
worked. He was angry- so fucking angry- and I knew it was because he lacked a connection
with anyone. He felt as if he were alone in the world and kept his guard up, lashing out at
anyone who got in his way. It hurt to watch him deteriorate in front of my eyes, and I
started to wonder if maybe the path he was walking down was inevitable. Maybe it had
been destined ever since that day in Chicago when my Elizabeth had been taken right in
front of him. The mafia had been thrust into his eight-year-old universe, and I didn't know
if it was possible to turn back from that.
But then she happened.
Isabella Swan came into my household and did the one thing none of us had been able to
do – she broke down his walls. She pulled Edward off of that path and showed him how
different it could be. It was ironic that the girl who had never been able call her life her own
could teach a boy who had the world at his fingertips exactly what it meant to live, but it
was fitting considering his mother and me.
As Elizabeth would’ve said, it was almost as if it were fate.
That's not to say I was entirely happy about their relationship, because there were too
many unnecessary complications involved, but I could see the good in it. The twinkle
returned to Edward's eyes over time as he found love and hope, and although I knew he
would never completely be whole again, it was as if the void he felt was filled a bit. He had
someone who understood him and he wasn’t alone anymore.
Jacob, however, was.
Isabella may have pulled my son off of that path of destruction, but I knew that Jacob Black
was still on it. I never forgot the joke he had told me that first day, and it came to mind
occasionally when I thought about him. Jacob was a lot like an invisible man, drifting his
way through life and going completely unnoticed by most. I saw him, though, even if I
couldn’t fix what truly plagued him.
And as I stood on the edge of that cliff in La Push under the fall of darkness, I wished I
would’ve fucking done something. I had stood back and watched so many people suffer
over the years, never once speaking up or actually helping any of them. I'd convinced
myself that there was nothing I could do, when the reality of it was I had just been too
fucking selfish to even try. I had not only failed my own son by turning a blind eye to his
agony, but I'd done the same thing to Isabella and Jacob. In fact, it seemed that was all I
ever fucking did anymore. I ignored peoples suffering, stood by as they were being tortured
and mutilated in the name of La Cosa Nostra, and I was sick and tired of doing it. I
couldn't seem to escape the violence, no matter what I did, and my only choice of recourse
was to retaliate with even more bloodshed.
I had moved my family halfway across the country and it all followed me, the danger
constantly lurking in the shadows. Evil controlled my life and it was eating at me, chipping
away at my humanity but I just couldn't seem to stop it. I was so worried about making
sure my son didn't turn out like me that I'd allowed myself to become like my own fucking
father. I wasn't the man Elizabeth married anymore, that was for sure, and I knew where
ever she was, she was probably glaring at me in disgust for what I was doing. She'd be
sickened and ashamed, and I couldn't blame her a bit for it. I had always wanted to be a
doctor so I could help people, so I could heal and do some good in the world, and I had
drifted so far from that principle that it was disturbing. I never acknowledged any of it or
even tried to help anymore and now it was too late for Jacob, because there was nothing I
could do to save him. I’d fixed him up so many times over the years and the one time it
truly counted, I had failed.
I knew my son would blame himself for Jacob’s death, because that was just Edward’s
nature, but the truth was that there was no one to blame for any of it but me. I’d taken that
oath all of those years ago to keep the people I loved safe, only to have it be what
endangered them. Jacob was dead because of me, a casualty of my savage lifestyle, just as
Elizabeth had been...and one more burden I’d have to carry for the rest of my life.
I was gazing down at the tumultuous water below, my eyes fixated on the spot where
Jacob's body had disappeared moments earlier. I could hear the waves as they crashed
against the side of the cliff and knew there was a storm blowing in, the southwest winds
steadily picking up as time progressed. They already had the yellow caution lights flashing,
warning people to stay away from the Quillayute River bar near James Island because the
area was dangerous. I'd been standing there for a few minutes, hidden in the darkness and
completely isolated because no one else would dare come out under the conditions, trying
to clear my head. I was disgusted at myself for disposing of the innocent boy's body in such
a way, but I just couldn't see any other option. I’d watched him grow up and I was sending
him off like I’d seen so many of my adversaries go over the years -- to a watery tomb at the
bottom of the ocean. The heavy chains wrapped around his legs would ensure he wouldn't
resurface, and in time his body would succumb to nature, disappearing forever.
“Oggi a te, domani a me,” I mumbled, shaking my head. If I kept up as I was, I knew it was
only a matter of time before I ended up with the same fate. I felt like I should’ve said
something to honor him, but I was at a complete loss for words and knew there were more
pressing matters for me to deal with. I couldn’t help Jacob but I could help Isabella, and I
knew saving her was the only way to truly save my son. Their fates were so intertwined that
losing one would be losing both, and that was something I simply couldn't accept without a
fight.
My son, who had lost so much in life, was dangerously close to once again losing the only
thing keeping him together.
To say I was mad at Edward would be a serious understatement. I was beyond furious and
completely astounded that he’d have the nerve to tamper with Isabella’s chip after
everything that had happened, his behavior once again proving him to be irrational and
volatile. I was constantly having to clean up his messes and fix his mistakes, except this
time I wasn’t sure if I could. I feared this time he had crossed the line too far and there
would be no going back from it. None of us would ever be the same again.
I started toward where my car was parked, hidden in the trees out of view in the darkness,
climbing into it quickly and pulling away. I had already cleaned up in front of the house,
having hosed down the driveway and redistributed the gravel to hide all signs of the
incident, but I had even bigger issues I needed to deal with. I pulled out the cell phone I
had taken from Jacob's pants pocket and flipped it open, scrolling through his list of
contacts quickly. Finding his home number, I hit the call button and listened silently as it
rang a few times.
"Hello? Jacob?" Billy Black's anxious voice said after the forth ring. "Where are you, son?
I'm worried, you..."
I sighed and ended the call before he could finish his statement, turning the phone off and
slipping it into my pocket. I drove back to the house quickly and parked, taking a deep
breath to prepare myself before I headed inside. I needed to push my emotions back, take
my mind off of Jacob and the things I couldn't change in order to focus on what I could do:
find Isabella.
I knew even without the chip I had enough resources to track her down eventually, but the
problem was that I wasn't sure what type of circumstances I would find her in when I did.
James was merciless, had no respect nor any regard for anyone other than himself. He
wouldn't hesitate to brutalize Isabella for his own sick pleasure, and the possibilities of who
he was working with alarmed me.
I went straight into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of liquor that Edward kept in the
freezer, pulling the top off and taking a swig of it. I grimaced from the burn as it went
down, causing me to shudder violently. I didn't drink much anymore, not since sobering up
a year after Elizabeth's death, but I needed something to take the edge off before I faced
what laid ahead of me. I wasn't looking forward to any of it, not in the least, but I knew it
was necessary.
I took another drink of the liquor before returning it to the freezer, pulling my keys out of
my pocket as I headed toward the room under the stairs. I unlocked the door and slipped
inside, relocking it behind me. I went straight into the closet and pushed the rug out of the
way, pulling open the door in the floor. I took deep breaths to center myself as I headed
down the stairs into the basement, blinking a few times in an attempt to adjust my eyes.
The place was cleaned out for the most part, the crates of drugs and weapons gone and
relocated elsewhere for safety, so I had no problem navigating my way through the room in
the darkness. I reached the large bookcase along the back and opened the metal electrical
box on the wall beside it that the security system was wired into. In the event that the alarm
went off, or the panic button was pushed, the house automatically went into lock down and
an automated message was sent directly to my phone. The police couldn't be notified like
with a regular security system, because that would just be inviting more trouble into my
life, but anyone who entered without the code triggered the motion sensors and the
cameras, so I could track and watch them as they moved through the house. It wasn't the
best, as far as security went, but it was better than nothing. It guaranteed I'd know who
they were and what they came for, at least.
I slid a section of panel down, revealing a small keypad, and quickly punched in the
numbers 62373. A loud click rang out when I hit the enter button and I slid the panel back
up, closing the electrical box as the bookshelf shifted a few inches. In reality it was a door
leading into a safe room, or what I knew my son liked to refer to as 'the dungeon'. It was a
room, about twelve feet wide and fourteen feet long, with steel reinforced walls layered
with bullet-proof kevlar. Completely soundproof and ventilated, it was wired for
communication and stocked with anything anyone would need if they had to lock
themselves inside.
I pushed the disguised door open and reached inside, flicking on a light switch along the
side. Florescent lights illuminated the room immediately and I squinted from the
harshness, bringing my hand up to block out some of the blinding glare while my eyes
adjusted. I stepped into the room and heard the groans immediately, glancing in the
direction of the noise. Laurent lay on the concrete floor in the corner, exactly where I had
left him a few hours before. The first thing I had done after Edward and Alec left was bring
him there, and did enough for his wounds so that he'd survive before shackling him to the
legs of the steel table inside. I knew he couldn't move his legs because of where the bullet
had ripped through him, but I also knew it was better to be safe than sorry. He could've
easily regained consciousness and dragged himself across the room toward the large steel
cabinet that held my weapons, and I couldn't have that.
"Good evening," I said stoically, grabbing a bottle of water from the shelf beside the table. I
took the few steps toward him and glanced down as he turned his head to look at me,
another agonizing groan coming from him as he opened his eyes.
"Carlisle," he whispered, his voice barely audible and full of anguish. "Please. Help me."
"I will," I responded. "But first, Laurent, you're going to have to help me."
"Please," he repeated. "I can't move. I can't feel... my legs, Carlisle. I can't..."
"I know," I said. "The bullet hit your spinal cord."
"What?" he said, sounding confused. "Bullet?"
"Yes," I said simply, unscrewing the cap from the water and crouching down. I lifted
Laurent's head up slightly and put the water to his lips, tipping it back to give him a drink.
"I'm paralyzed?" he asked when I pulled the bottle away and stood back up. "Oh God, my
legs!"
He let out a sob and I sighed with annoyance, shaking my head. "Toughen up, Laurent," I
said sharply, sitting the water down on the table. "Pull yourself together."
"What happened?" he asked, tears running from his eyes as he struggled to move. "Jesus
Christ, my fucking legs, Carlisle! You have to help me!"
"What happened?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. "I got a call a few hours ago,
informing me that someone was at my house. So, naturally, I come home to investigate and
find my son unconscious, his girlfriend missing, an innocent kid I watched grow up dead in
my front yard, and you seriously injured. You, Laurent. A sworn man of honor, my life
brother, wounded at the scene of the attack upon my family. So how about we cut the
bullshit and you tell me what happened?"
"I, uh," he stammered, shaking his head as his sobs continued. "I don't know..."
"You don't know?" I asked incredulously.
"I don't know what happened, I swear! I got shot and I don't know how or by who," he
responded frantically.
"I'm quite sure I know both the how and who," I said, leaning back against the table and
crossing my arms over my chest. "It had to have been an amateur who hit you, considering
it wasn't a fatal shot, and judging from the fact that we found a shell casing in the car and
my son's gun is missing I'm going to render a guess and say that Isabella did it."
"The girl?" he hollered with disbelief. "She fucking did this to me?!"
"Yes," I said coolly. "Now I just need you to tell me why, Laurent. I need you to tell me
what you're doing in Forks, and how the hell you ended up in this situation. I know you
were with James and I can only assume he somehow talked you into taking part in some
grand plan of his. I understand how this life is, you know that. We all get drawn into things
that get out of control, but it's not too late to fix what you've done. It's not too late to help
me stop him. I need you to tell me what the hell he wants with Isabella. I need you to help
me find her, while we still can."
"I can't," he said, shaking his head with a look of fright on his face. I could see the panic in
his eyes as he stared at me and fought to keep my expression calm so as not to alarm him
any more than he already was. He had never witnessed my violence, but he'd heard the
stories of what type of man I could be and I knew he feared for his life. The fact of the
matter was, he should. He knew he had crossed the wrong fucking person and I knew he
was afraid to admit anything, because confessing knowledge of any of it was essentially
admitting his guilt. He probably believed his only way of staying alive, even temporarily,
would be to feign ignorance so I needed to convince him that I understood. I needed to
convince him that it was okay if he told me, that I would have mercy on him if he helped. I
needed to make him believe I'd let him live, although we both truly knew he was going to
fucking die, no matter what.
"You can," I said right away. "I told you, you help me and I'll help you. I know you have to
be in pain and you desperately need your wound cleaned properly before infection takes
hold of you. I'm your only option, Laurent."
"I can't tell you anything," he said. "I don't know anything. I swear to you, I don't. I don't
know what James wanted."
"You're lying," I said forcefully. "You're a smart man. You wouldn't go along with
something unless you knew why you were doing it. You wouldn't just come here and allow
this to happen without the promise of something in return. Why did you come, Laurent?
What does he want with her? Where did he take her?"
"I don't know," he said. "You have to believe me, Carlisle. I'm so sorry, I can't tell you..."
"Stop," I snapped, my anger flaring. "You can tell me. You just won't. There's a difference,
Laurent, and the difference is as vast as life and death."
"Please," he pleaded.
"Don't you dare beg," I said. "It's unbecoming of you. Be a fucking man and tell me what I
need to know."
"I can't," he repeated, shaking his head. "You have to understand..."
"No, you have to understand," I snapped. "They've taken something important from me,
and I have to get her back. I'm not going to stop until I find her, so your only option is to
help me if you want even the slightest chance of ever making it out of this room alive."
"They'll kill me, Carlisle," he sobbed, the fear in his expression intense. I could see his body
trembling, but wasn't sure if it was caused by his injury or if he was just that scared. "If I
tell you anything they'll kill me."
"If you don't tell me, I'll kill you," I stressed. "And I assure you, Laurent, I won't take mercy
on you if you don't show me the same respect. Every minute she's out there you're going to
be right here, and I'm not going to end your suffering until she's back where she belongs."
"But..." he started to say, the lone word fueling my irritation even further.
"There are no but's," I growled, cutting him off. "You're going to tell me what I want to
know, and that's the end of it. I have fought long and hard for that girl and I'm not just
going to allow some disgraceful rat walk in and take it all away. Tell me where the hell he's
taking her. What does he want? Who's he working with?"
"Why do you care?" he sobbed. "Just let her go, give up! You can't stop it, so save yourself
while you still can! It's not worth it, Carlisle! She's just a girl, and she fucking shot me! The
bitch shot me!"
All of my composure slipped away in that moment and I pulled my foot back, thrusting it
forward quickly. I kicked him repeatedly in the side, stomping so hard that I could feel his
ribs cracking with the force of my blows. He screamed from the pain and gasped for air,
unable to move or protect himself.
"Do not call her that," I screamed angrily. "This may all just be a game to you, but this is
my life, you piece of shit! I will find her, and I swear that every single person who took part
in this will pay with their lives when I do. My family has sacrificed a lot for Isabella Swan
and I'm not going to let it all be in vain. She may just be one girl, but she was more than
that to my wife. And that, Laurent, makes her fucking worth it."
I turned and walked back out of the room, leaving him in the corner pleading for help. I
locked it up once again and headed back out, my hands shaking from my anger. I stepped
out of the room once I reached the top of the stairs and froze as the front door opened and
Edward and Alec entered the foyer. Edward looked horrible, his injuries very visible, but
shining through even more than his physical pain was his emotional distress. I knew he
was a complete wreck and I wanted nothing more than to have sympathy for him, because
as a father that was how I should've felt, but my own anger was clouding everything. All I
could feel was disappointment almost to the point of hostility. I knew it wasn't his fault we
were in this situation- it was mine more than anyone's- but I almost detested him for
complicating things further. I had never done anything to prove myself to him, never
having truly been there for him, so I knew it was irrational but I loathed the fact that he
couldn't just fucking trust me. He was so damn much like me that it pissed me off and the
fact of the matter was...he was seriously screwing things up.
The rest of the night passed in a blur. I finally got a hold of Emmett, my anger growing
when I realized he was out on the town partying and completely oblivious to everything
that was going on. I lost my temper and railed on him when he explained to me exactly
what he'd done to the chip, and had a confrontation with Edward afterward about it. How
they thought they'd ever get away with it was beyond me, their blatant disrespect and
asinine behavior disturbing me beyond comprehension.
Edward snapped eventually, his own distress getting the best of him, and caused Alec to
lose his cool. He'd been calm about everything, keeping a level head up until that point, but
Edward's impatience and hostility set him off. He threw Edward against the wall and
threatened him, turning his gun on me when I told him to back off. I stood still as he
pointed the weapon at my head, knowing he wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger if I made
any sudden movements or showed any aggression, and waited for him to regain his
composure.
I made numerous calls through the night, contacting anyone who I thought might have any
information that could help. It all proved fruitless, however, because everyone had their
suspicions but no one could produce any evidence as to what James was up to. I talked to
Royce a few times, because he was James's Capo and mentor so if anyone knew anything it
should've been him, but even he seemed to be clueless. It angered me, because it was his
fucking job to know what his men were up to, and he'd obviously completely failed at it. I
threatened him, telling him I would be watching and if he didn't start doing things right he
was going to have a problem with me.
My nerves started to calm after awhile and I ventured up to the third floor where Edward
had disappeared to, finding him sitting on the edge of his bed sobbing. I froze at the sight
of it, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. It reminded me of how I'd been after Elizabeth died,
mirroring the hopelessness and heartache I felt. I tried to convince Edward to stay behind
when we went to Chicago, knowing he was distraught and wouldn't be able to think
rationally to help, but he insisted he be there. I tried to answer his questions the best I
could but I wasn't sure what to say, because none of it felt right. I couldn't make him any
promises about what would happen, because I knew entirely too well how horrific and
brutal it could turn out to be. The sight of my wife lying dead in the alley was burned into
my brain and I didn't want my son to have to spend the rest of his life tortured with similar
mental images he couldn't escape if it all went wrong.
Eventually, I called Jasper to inform him of what happened, telling him to stay in Seattle
and to keep Alice there with him for as long as possible. There wasn't anything he could do
to help and I didn't want them involved any more than necessary. It was bad enough
Emmett and Edward were mixed up in the situation... having all three of my sons drop
everything and rush together would do nothing but create suspicion we didn't need.
I periodically went into the basement throughout the night to press Laurent for
information, but each encounter went similar to the first. He'd beg me to help him and
insist there was nothing he could tell me, which would just make me lose my temper. Alec
tried to convince him to talk with no luck, and I even injected him with sodium thiopental
but he still didn't crack. My patience was wearing thin and I knew Laurent was growing
weaker, each passing second an indication that our opportunity was slipping away.
It was sometime after dawn and I was standing in the safe room, gazing at Laurent, when
Alec finally reached the end of his patience. I heard him approaching and looked in his
direction, his expression stoic but his eyes on fire with anger. He looked like a man on a
mission and I immediately stepped out of the room to get out of his way. He glanced at me
as he walked past and sighed. "Mi sono rotto il cazzo," he muttered under his breath,
stating that he was fed up with the situation. I nodded once, silently agreeing, and stood in
the doorway watching as he walked over to the cabinet. He started rifling through it and
pulled out a knife and pair of pliers. "While you're still alive, we're going to play a little
game of 'eeny, meeny, miny, moe'."
I turned around and walked away, having no desire to witness what was going to happen,
and heard the click of the lock followed by a loud shriek of agony coming from Laurent
before I even made it to the steps. I knew Laurent wouldn't be coming out of the room
alive, and his last moments would be pure torture at the hands of one of the scariest
motherfuckers that I knew. I went upstairs and left Alec to do what it was he did best, and
placed a few calls as I got things ready for Chicago. I finally made my way back down
shortly before noon, stepping into the basement just as Alec was coming in the hidden back
door. I glanced at him curiously, noticing he was drenched and had splatters of blood on
his shirt.
"Russians," he said simply, the word nearly stalling my heart as it fell from his lips. I knew
Alec had suspected for awhile that James was feeding information to the Russians, and if
that was true Isabella was in a lot more trouble than I wanted to believe. They were ruthless
individuals and I knew if they had her they would kill her once her purpose was served,
whatever that may be, and that concerned me. The only justification for them taking
Isabella and leaving my son alive was that they were playing some sort of game and trying
to manipulate us into playing into their hands, and there was no way we could risk doing
that.
"Why?" I asked hesitantly. He shrugged.
"Lei è una principessa della mafia," he responded.
"They know?" I asked with disbelief. "How?"
"I don't know how they know, but the fact is they do. They may have even known before we
did," he said. "This is spiraling out of control, Carlisle. We need to stop this thing before it
takes us all down. Up until now you've taken the back seat on everything in hopes that it
would all blow over, but that can't happen anymore because it isn't going away. I buried
Laurent out in the woods, but you might want to clean up the floor of the safe room. I'm
going to go change so we can leave soon."
He thrust the shovel out to me and I took it hesitantly, watching him as he walked away. I
went to work after he was gone, scrubbing the concrete floor with sodium peroxide and
water to remove any signs of blood. I situated the room and put everything where it went
before locking up and heading back upstairs. We departed for the airport not long after and
I received a call back from Aro, telling us to be at his place that night.
The flight passed quickly, as I was locked in my mind the entire time trying to sort things
out, and my anxiety started mounting as we drove through Chicago toward the Evanson's
residence. I pulled my laptop out as soon as we arrived and gave it to Emmett, making it
clear that he needed to fix what he'd done quickly. I hated being so cold toward my son but
I was still angry, and my concern for Isabella was only growing stronger after learning of
the Russian's involvement.
The sit down at Aro's later that night went exactly as I worried it would go. He refused to
involve himself directly, chalking it up to 'stolen property'. Alec tried to stress the point that
Isabella was no longer property, that she had been vouched for and freed, but Aro's stance
didn't waver. He gave us both the go ahead to do anything we felt necessary to fix the
situation but said he didn't want to officially go to war with another organization over
something that had no value to him or the Borgata as a whole. I had to contain my anger
the entire time he spoke, the fact that he was acting so callously about someone who shared
his bloodline chipping away at any respect I may have had left for the man. He didn't know
the truth about her, but that didn't matter in my eyes. He informed Alec that if Isabella
spilled any of the organization secrets to her captors he would be held responsible, but I
wasn't worried much about that because she knew very little as it was.
We made it back to the Evanson's in the early morning hours, exhaustion starting to finally
take its toll on us. Alec went to work trying to pinpoint recent sightings of the Russians
while I finally got a hold of the doctor in Phoenix who'd implanted the chip, the both of us
sucking down coffee to keep ourselves alert. We worked in a tense silence that was instantly
shattered as Alec jumped up and pushed his chair back roughly, his expression panicked.
"Fuck," he spat, catching me completely off guard because it was a word I rarely heard
come from him. He bolted out of the room and into the hallway, my heart racing in
confusion. I glanced around quickly, trying to figure out what was going on, and a sinking
feeling ran through my body when my eyes fell upon the monitor of the computer he had
been sitting at. He had the security camera feed up and I knew immediately what was
about to happen, my stomach churning in anticipation.
Within a matter of seconds, I was surrounded as the police invaded the house. They threw
me down on the ground and handcuffed me, frisking me for weapons. I was led out of the
room as they read me my rights, not entirely surprised they were taking me in for RICO
violations. I knew the charges were serious and came with hefty penalties, but the fact of
the matter was they had nothing on me, personally, and were only targeting me because of
who I was. Edward yelled out to me and I told him to keep his mouth shut, worried he'd
lose control of himself. We were all in serious enough trouble, the last thing I needed was
for him to complicate things even further.
I was taken downtown and isolated from all of the other prisoners, booked in the system
within a matter of hours and taken to protective custody. Hours passed, a new day
beginning, and all I could think about was my family and what they were doing. I was
completely cut off from the outside, worst-case scenarios running through my mind and I
started growing more frantic as my exhaustion deepened.
My lawyer, Michael Ricci, arrived on the second day and spelled out exactly what I was
facing, pointing out that the evidence against me was quite heavy. They had conducted a
search and seizure warrant on the house in Forks and every computer on the property, tons
of personal documents, financial records and data drives had all been seized. They
confiscated my entire firearm collection along with numerous CDs and books, as well as the
damn microchip I'd left sitting on my desk from the library. They even took possession of a
partially drank bottle of absinthe and drug paraphernalia that they stumbled upon in
Edward's room, leaving no corner of the house untouched. He let it slip while there that
Edward had been arrested at the Evanson's house for possessing a fake ID and that they
were holding him nearby, reassuring me that he'd get him released as soon as possible. I
felt guilty, because I knew the only reason he was there was because of me, and I worried
that being trapped in a small cell while Isabella was God knows where had to have been
severely messing with his mind.
Hours turned into days as I paced my cell, desperate for a way out. My lawyer stopped by
again two days later to inform me that we had a hearing the next week to determine bail,
but he couldn't get it pushed through any faster. He also let me know that Edward had been
released, and although I was thankful he was free I was worried about what he would do. I
just hoped he would be able to keep a level head and refrain from doing anything he would
live to regret.
Every day was much like the one before it, time passing excruciatingly slow. They watched
my every move, all calls and visits monitored and recorded so none of us could risk
communicating except for through the lawyers. I was sitting in my cell one morning,
drumming my fingers deep in thought, when some corrections officers approached. They
told me to approach the bars to cuff up and I obliged, refusing to speak to any of them.
They put me in restraints and led me to an interrogation room, opening the door and
ushering me inside. A man with tanned skin in a suit sat inside at a small table, glancing up
at me with a smile on his face.
"Carlisle Cullen," he said, nodding in greeting and standing up. He motioned toward the
chair across from him. "Have a seat."
I hesitated but obliged after a second, curious as to what he wanted. I sat down and the
corrections officers started to secure my handcuffs to the table so I couldn't move, but the
man stopped them.
"That's unnecessary gentlemen. We're both civilized human beings here," he said. The
officers gave him an incredulous look but listened, turning to walk out and leaving me
unsecured. The man took his seat once again and folded his hands on the table in front of
him, still smiling. "You're probably wondering who..."
"Doctor," I said seriously, cutting him off. His smile faltered at my forceful tone and he
raised his eyebrows curiously.
"Doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, Doctor. I didn't go to medical school for nothing. It's Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I
responded. He stared at me for a moment before nodding.
"Uh, yes, that's right. I apologize. Dr. Cullen," he said. "Anyway, I'm Special Agent Joey
DiFronzo with the Department of Justice."
I sighed exasperatedly and shook my head. "I have nothing to say."
"I figured you would say that," he said. "You wouldn't have made it as far as you have if you
weren't cunning. I just wanted to tell you about something I found."
I watched him suspiciously as he picked up a briefcase, sitting it on the table and popping it
open. He pulled out a generic looking notebook and pushed the briefcase to the side,
slapping the notebook down in front of him. "Do you know what this is, Dr. Cullen?" he
asked, glancing at me with a questioning look. I didn't respond, having no intention of
saying another word to him but curiosity had gotten the best of me and I wanted to know
what type of information he was fishing for. "I'll take the lack of reaction as a 'no'. We
found it in a bedroom on the third floor of your residence in Washington. Your son's
bedroom, if I recall correctly."
I glanced down at the notebook, wracking my brain in an attempt to connect the dots as to
what it could contain. He started flipping through it and I saw each page was covered in
childish looking scrawl, the realization finally hitting me that it had to have belonged to
Isabella. I tensed up as he scanned the pages, anxious as to what it contained.
"The entire thing is quite engaging. The parts I could read, anyway. The handwriting is
sloppy so some of it was illegible. But there were some particular passages I found to be
extremely interesting that I thought I'd share with you today," he said, stopping on a page.
He scanned the lines of writing with his finger, pausing about halfway down. "Jane
sometimes told me she would kill me in my sleep. She told me to keep one eye open if I
wanted to live. I was afraid to go to sleep those nights. I stayed awake in case she meant
it. I wasn't afraid to die but I didn't want to leave my mother alone. I didn't want Charles
to hurt her more and I thought Jane would kill her next. As long as I was alive Jane
would come after me and not her. Jane never came, though."
He sighed and started to flip through the notebook again, stopping after a second. "I called
him Dad one time when I was young. He never called me his daughter but I knew I was. I
said his name but he wasn't listening so I said Dad to get his attention. Everyone in the
room was shocked and didn't know what to say. Charles got angry and beat me. He told
me I would never be his child because I was weak. He said if it happened again I would
regret learning to talk. I never called him Dad again."
He paused and glanced over at me curiously. "The Swans, I presume?" he said. "It's quite
strange how they died so recently. Very unfortunate and unexpected. And it's curious that
they left Isabella their entire estate, considering this seems to suggest they weren't very
fond of the girl. But, you know, that's not the thing that confuses me most. You see, I was
under the impression Isabella was orphaned in Italy and only recently came here after
discovering her parentage, or at least that's what her government paperwork claims. Like I
said...interesting."
I sat still as he gazed at me, dread coursing through my system. Things were unraveling
quickly and only getting worse by the second, the bottom dangerously close to falling out of
everything. He was getting close to some truths that desperately needed to remain hidden,
things that could bring down all of us and expose an entire network of criminal activity
they'd yet to discover.
"Well, how about one more? I think you'll personally find this one particularly fascinating,"
he said, looking back down at the notebook and flipping through the pages. He paused after
a moment and sighed. "I will never forget the look in his eyes. He looked like he hated me.
Like he wanted me to die. I didn't understand why he would hate me so much. I didn't
think I did anything wrong. I was only trying to do what he told me to do and I didn't
want to get in trouble for not listening to him. I thought he was going to kill me but he did
something worse. He left me alone in the dark. He was nice to me and I didn't want to
disappoint him. But I did. I dream about the look on his face. His eyes haunt me and I
wish I could forget. I wish Doctor Cullen liked me."
I kept my expression blank as he looked back up at me, but the words hit me hard. I knew
exactly what day that referred to and we had never truly addressed it, so hearing it in her
words wasn't easy to swallow. He gazed at me for a moment before closing the notebook,
shaking his head. "What did you do to the girl, Dr. Cullen? Why don't you like her?"
"Reading that is an invasion of privacy," I said coolly. "You had no legal or moral right to
take it. I know the law, Agent DiFronzo, and I'm well aware of what you can and cannot
confiscate during a search and seizure. You can inventory my property but you can't just
seize anything you want hoping to obtain evidence of other crimes."
"Very true, Doctor Cullen. Like I said, you're very cunning," he said quietly, shaking his
head. He slipped the notebook back into his briefcase and leaned back in the chair with a
serious expression on his face. "But I'm curious, what were you tracking on your laptop?
There's a GPS program on it, but we can't get it to work. It appears to be the type of
software people use to keep track of their pets but the codes plugged in don't register like
the signal is locked up. It gives an error, says the chip's not found. Did you lose
something?"
I stared at him and my heart started pounding forcefully, his words confusing me. I hoped
that indicated that Emmett hadn't gotten it fixed before they showed up, or he'd
accidentally wiped her out of the system entirely and not something more grave.
"Is it Isabella Swan?" he asked. "Where is the girl? Did something happen to her?"
"I want my lawyer," I responded. He nodded, not appearing surprised by my response, and
pushed his chair back to stand up.
"I'm sure you do," he said. "It was nice to finally meet you, and I'm sure we will be seeing
more of each other. If you decide you do want to talk after all, I'm sure you can figure out
how to get a hold of me."
He walked out of the room without another word and the corrections officers came in to
lead me back to my cell. I spent the next few days in a panic, unable to eat or sleep, or even
properly function, with no way to know what was happening outside the walls of the jail.
The day of the preliminary hearing finally came and my stress levels were at an all-time
high. I saw Alec for the first time since the arrest as we were led into the court room, and he
appeared the complete opposite of how I felt -- calm, collected and confident.
The lawyer's argued our cases, citing fourth amendment violations and unreasonable
searches. They accused the government of essentially railroading us, pushing back against
the evidence they had. The lawyers said it was flimsy at best and pointed to no involvement
in activities that violated RICO Acts. Alec's lawyer attacked what they had, stating we had a
legitimate expectation of privacy and it was violated during the search. He cited the
exclusionary rule to have things thrown out, and in turn the fruit of the poisonous tree
doctrine crippled their case against Alec. The judge hesitantly dismissed charges against
him, but I wasn't as lucky. The evidence against me was stronger and my family had more
prominent roots within the organization, so it wasn't easy for Mr. Ricci to discredit the
links between me and the Borgata. The judge decided that the charges were strong enough
to proceed, eventually assigning bail at $3 million dollars and demanding I surrender my
passport and submit to monitoring so I could return to Washington.
Esme gathered the money for my bail and Alec was released as I was processed out of the
system. It was a later that evening when I finally walked out the front doors of the jail to
come face-to-face with my sister, leaning against the side of her car in the parking lot with
a solemn expression on her face. She appeared exhausted, her face lined with worry and it
was as if she had aged a decade over night. The sight of her obvious distress concerned me,
a sick feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach.
"Hey, little brother," she said quietly, giving me a forced smile as I approached. "You look
like hell."
"Look who's talking," I muttered. "Have you slept at all? You're starting to look like mom."
"Ohhh, ouch, low blow," she said with an awkward laugh. "I've been a little stressed. Not
easy to sleep with my husband away and, well, you know…"
"Yes, I know," I responded. "Is, uh, fuck... it's been almost two weeks now, Esme. This isn't
good at all. Edward must be a wreck."
"He is," she said quietly, gazing at me apprehensively. She was clearly uncomfortable,
wringing her hands together awkwardly and fidgeting.
“Did something happen?” I asked hesitantly, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. Esme had
never kept anything from me before, but it was obvious she was holding something back
and that put me on edge. She was the person closest to me, the one who I could confide
anything in, and the fact that she seemed to be afraid to tell me something wasn’t a very
good sign.
“Let’s, uh, how about we go home?” she suggested, turning her back to me right away to
climb in the car. I grabbed a hold of her arm to stop her but she pulled from my grasp,
giving me another forced smile.
“It’s fine, Carlisle. Just… not here, okay?” she said quietly. “We’ll talk at home.”
“Fine,” I responded as she got into the car. I walked around and slipped into the passenger
seat, buckling up as she started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.
The drive was tense, neither of us uttering a single word. My anxiety increased with each
passing second, her behavior worrying me. By the time we pulled into the driveway of their
house in Lincoln Park I was certain something bad was happening-- something I most
definitely was not going to like. She got out of the car and headed for the door without
waiting for me, leaving the front door wide open as she disappeared inside. I hesitated at
the entryway, strangely nervous, but took a deep breath and stepped inside. I shut the front
door and headed down the hallway, my footsteps faltering when I heard Esme speaking in
a frantic whisper in the office.
“I couldn’t do it, Alec. How am I supposed to tell him?” she asked.
“You know him better than anyone else,” Alec responded. “He trusts you; he’ll take it better
coming from you.”
“It doesn’t matter who it comes from, he isn’t going to take it well at all,” she said, sighing
exasperatedly. “He’s going to flip out.”
“That may be true, but someone needs to inform him. I assure you, Esme, it would be much
better coming from you and not the likes of Aro,” Alec said. “He’s going to find out, and it’s
better that he does now.”
“Find out what?” I asked as I stepped into the doorway, glancing between them warily.
Esme looked over at me and I saw the alarm in her eyes as my heart began to race. She
looked like a deer caught in headlights, completely panicked and frozen from fear. “Tell
me.”
She stood still, gaping at me, and started stammering after a moment. “It’s, uh… Edward.
He, uh, he was worried. Or he is worried. He couldn’t just sit around, and I didn’t know
what to do to stop him. I knew what he was going to do. Or, I guess I suspected it. But I
couldn’t exactly tell him no. I couldn’t forbid him from doing it, and I didn’t even know if I
should. He’s an adult, and I know it’s not what she would want for him, and I knew you’d
be upset, but it is his life. And he was so worried, Carlisle. You have to understand. He
knew exactly what he was doing; I could tell it by looking at him. He thought it out, so it
wasn’t as if he didn’t understand the consequences of his decision. The two of you were in
jail and he didn’t know who else to turn to, he was desperate…”
“Esme,” I said firmly, panic running through me as she spoke. She was rambling and her
statements were somewhat disjointed, but the general gist of them registered immediately.
I hoped I was misunderstanding and she wasn’t seriously trying to tell me what it sounded
like she was insinuating. “What the hell did my son do? Don’t you dare tell me he...”
She nodded hesitantly and I stopped abruptly, horror hitting me at the confirmation.
“There’s no way he did it,” I said, shaking my head furiously as I balled my hands into fists,
the anger inside of me brewing up. “Not after everything I fucking did to make sure it didn’t
happen, there’s no way he went to them.”
“He did,” she said quietly.
“No!” I spat. “You’re wrong! He’s not that fucking stupid, Esme. He can’t be that stupid!”
“I’m not wrong,” she responded, her eyes welling up with tears.
“You are,” I snapped. “You have to be! How the hell would you know, anyway? You have to
have misunderstood.”
“I didn’t,” she said. “He did it, Carlisle. Royce was here with him, and…”
“Royce?” I yelled, confusion hitting me. “You have to be fucking kidding me. Royce did this
to him?! I swear if he initiated my son…”
“Carlisle,” Alec said forcefully, the sound of his harsh voice causing my words falter. “You
need to watch your mouth. You are a guest in my home and you will speak to my wife with
respect. You of all people should know there are things we cannot and should not say as
men of honor, and you are teetering dangerously close to the edge of saying something you
will surely later regret.”
“But this is Edward we’re talking about, Alec,” I said, shaking my head. “This is my
fucking son!”
“Yes, but he’s made his own choices. He’s in the life now and there’s nothing you can do to
change that fact,” he retorted.
“There has to be…” I started frantically.
“There isn’t,” he said firmly, cutting me off. “What’s done is done. You know there’s no
going back from it. You need to accept it.”
“I can’t!” I snapped. “I can’t just fucking accept it, Alec! Edward isn’t cut out for this! He’s
too young and irrational. He’s too fucking volatile. He doesn’t know what he’s doing! He’s
throwing his life away and why, Alec? For what?”
“For her,” he said calmly, giving me an incredulous look. “How soon you forget, Carlisle.
You were once that eighteen year old boy, swearing Omertà to the organization because
you believed it was the only way to save the woman you loved. He was pulled in the same
way you were, and you can’t stand there and tell me that you regret that decision. You
sacrificed yourself to save Elizabeth, and Edward is doing the exact same thing to save
Isabella. Can you seriously fault him for that? You may not be pleased with what your life
has become and some of the things you’ve been made to do over the years, but I know you
well enough to know that saving Elizabeth is the one decision you don’t regret. If
exchanging yourself for her was what it took, that was what you were going to do.”
“But I didn’t fucking save her!” I yelled, tears forming in my eyes as I fought to push them
back and rein in my emotion. “She’s dead, Alec, and if I would’ve never taken that oath and
joined this life she…”
“She what?” he snapped, cutting me off. “She’d still be alive? Even you can’t believe that! If
you wouldn’t have taken the oath and vouched for her, she’d still be dead today, but she
would’ve died a slave! You gave her a chance, Carlisle. You gave her a real life, where she
could have a family and an education and anything else she wanted. You gave her the
world, and you taking that oath is what made it possible. It’s twisted, but it’s the truth. Her
life was cut short, there’s no denying that, but it wasn’t you or the oath that did it. It
was her.”
“How dare you fucking blame her?!” I shouted at him. “It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t
deserve to die!”
“I didn’t say she deserved to die,” he responded firmly. “Her life ended because she
sacrificed herself. She made a choice, Carlisle. She did for Isabella what you did for her,
and it’s the exact same thing Edward is doing right now. You think your son is so much like
you, that he’s making your same mistakes and destined for the same destruction that you
faced, but what you’re failing to realize is that he’s his mother, too. I see just as much
Elizabeth in him as I see you, if not more. He loves that girl, and he’s going to sacrifice
anything to make sure she makes it out. He may be irrational and volatile but there is
nothing naïve or childish about the decision he made. So how dare you get angry at
Edward, but not blame his mother for doing the same thing?”
I stared at him for a second, caught off guard by his words. “You’re wrong,” I said finally.
“I’m not wrong,” he said.
“You are. You claim I gave Elizabeth that world, that I gave her everything she wanted, but
I didn’t. I never gave her the one thing she needed most,” I said quietly, a tear breaking free
from the corner of my eye.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Freedom,” I said simply. “I never set her free.”
“Se ami una cosa, lasciala andare,” he said, laughing dryly as he shook his head. “You
were always too philosophical, entirely too emotional and conceptual for your own good.
What does that even mean, Carlisle? Freedom?”
"I, uh,” I started, my words cut off immediately by the ringing of a phone. Alec grabbed the
receiver off of the desk in front of him, answering it right away.
“Evanson’s,” he said, pausing and staring at me. “Yes, that’s fine. We’ll be there shortly,
sir.”
“Aro,” I said when he hung up.
“Yes, so you need to get yourself under control,” he said. “He needs to talk to you about
your release.” I nodded, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.
“So, where is Edward?” I asked, glancing over at my sister as I tried to push back my anger
and disappointment. She was standing off to the side, her arms wrapped around her chest
and tears streaming down her cheeks.
“I haven’t seen him in a few days,” she answered quietly.
“Days?” I repeated, raising my eyebrows in question. “You haven’t seen him in days?!”
“He was here three days ago with Royce, looking for something in Alec’s office. I don’t
know what they thought they’d find since the DOJ took pretty much everything, but I didn’t
press the issue because he seemed pretty frantic. He said he’d call me to explain what was
happening when he had a chance but I haven't heard from him. Emmett said he showed up
at their apartment in the middle of the night two days ago and slept on the couch, but when
Emmett woke up in the morning he was already gone,” she responded. “I’ve tried calling
him, but it goes straight to voice mail.”
“He is in way too deep,” I said, shaking my head. “He has no idea what he’s up against or
what he’s doing. He’s going to get himself killed.”
“Let’s hope you’re wrong,” Alec said. “I hope he knows exactly what he’s up against,
because we’re running out of time. How long do you have before you need to report in?”
“Forty-eight hours,” I responded. When they were processing me out after my bail was
posted, they informed me that I had two days to self-surrender to be fitted with a Secure
Alert ankle monitor so they could keep track of my movements. It wasn’t a traditional ankle
monitor with a curfew or a base that restricted me to a certain location like with house
arrest, but just a precaution to make sure I didn’t try to flee or hide in an attempt to evade
prosecution. It also meant they could watch me and keep a log of everywhere I went, which
would in turn only strengthen their case against me if I routinely showed up places I had no
business going if I weren't involved in the lifestyle. I knew it could also potentially
incriminate others if they were found associating with me, which put me in a precarious
situation within the organization.
“Well, then, I suppose that means we have forty-eight hours,” he responded, grabbing his
keys with a sigh. “Let’s get this over with.”
He started for the door but Esme grabbed his arm, stopping him. “It’s good to have you
home, so make sure you come back,” she said softly. He nodded and reached his hand out,
brushing his fingertips across her cheek. I turned my head to look away as he leaned in to
kiss her, knowing Alec didn’t show that side of himself around others and I didn’t want to
intrude on their moment in any way.
“I always do,” he told her before walking out. I glanced back over at my sister, seeing the
sadness in her expression.
“Be careful, little bro. I expect you all back in one piece or I’ll personally kick your ass,” she
said.
“I’d like to see you try,” I muttered as I headed out of the room, her soft laughter following
me. Alec walked swiftly through the house and out the front door, climbing into his
Mercedes. The drive to Aro’s flew by quickly, the anxiety and anger continuing to fester
inside of me. We were greeted at the door by Sulpicia when we arrived and went into the
dining room where Aro sat with a few members of the organization, the younger ones
standing up to greet us out of respect. I ignored them and walked over to my usual seat at
the table, sitting down quietly.
“It’s nice to see the two of you,” Aro said. I looked at him as he smiled at me smugly and
had to fight back my anger. “It truly is regrettable that this happened, and to two such vital
men at that. I’m glad Alec was able to clear things up but I understand we’re not going to be
as fortunate with you, Carlisle.”
“Doesn’t seem that way,” I said.
“Yes. Well, considering the stipulations of your release, I’m sure you’re aware of what that
means for your situation. You’re going to have to lay low while under monitoring, so
someone is going to have to take over your duties,” he said.
“Yes, sir,” I responded, knowing that was coming.
“I’m sure Alec can handle it. Temporarily, of course,” he stated. I turned my head to look at
Alec, the blank expression on his face not giving any indication as to how he felt about it. I
knew Alec preferred to fly under the radar and wasn’t interested in my position in the
administration. “Do you have any objections?”
“No, sir,” I answered, looking back at him. “Whatever you feel is best.”
“Good,” he said, his smile growing. “Well, now that we have that settled, on to much lighter
business. I’m assuming you’ve heard the good news by now, Carlisle.”
“About Edward?” I asked hesitantly, clenching my hand into a fist under the table and
trying to keep myself calm but there was nothing light or good about it, at all.
“Yes, Edward,” he responded. “I just want to say it’s great to have yet another generation of
Cullen men joining us. He will definitely be an asset to the family. You’ve truly raised a
great son, a very honorable and loyal man. You should be very proud.”
I tensed up at his words but nodded, clearing my throat. “Yes. Who's his mentor?” I asked
cautiously.
“Royce,” he answered. “It’s a shame you couldn’t have been here for the initiation but
Edward was in quite the hurry, so we sort of rushed it.”
“But the initiation was completed?” I asked, part of me desperately hoping for a loophole or
some way out, despite the fact that I knew it was impossible. The only way out of an
initiation once it started was by death, and my son was obviously still alive somewhere.
“Of course it was,” he said. “The oath was taken and there were no objections. We’re all
quite happy to have him, which shouldn’t be a surprise given who his father is. We didn’t
bother testing him, either, for that same reason, but I'm positive he'll prove his loyalty time
and again in the future.”
I nodded, relieved that he at least hadn’t had to pull the trigger or do anything he would
definitely regret yet. I remembered the face of every person whose blood was on my hands
and I didn’t want that same fate for my child, and as long as I was alive I’d do everything I
could to stop it.
“That’s great,” I muttered.
“Yes. I wish you could've done the honors, though. It would've been quite the sight and one
I would never forget, much like witnessing your father initiate you so many years ago.
There's something extremely powerful about watching those who share a bloodline also
share such an intimate moment and forge such a strong bond. What a pity we missed out
on that opportunity. Royce was able to handle it well enough in your absence, however,” he
said.
“His first initiation,” I said. Royce had never handled any before and I could only imagine
how daunting it had to have been for him, giving my child a life sentence without
consulting with me ahead of time as to my feelings on the matter. It wasn't as if I could ever
actually speak out against the organization, but we all knew how to read between the lines.
“Where is Royce, by the way? I’d like to thank him.”
"He's with your son," Aro responded. "They've been quite busy trying to track down poor
Isabella. Such a shame she hasn't been located yet. I do so hope she's still alive."
"So do I," I said. "Do you know where they are? Have they gotten any information? Are
they close to..."
Aro's insensitive laughter cut me off, the sound sending a cold chill down my spine. "So
many questions, Carlisle. You know very well I've chosen to remain uninvolved, so I'm
afraid I have no answers for you."
"Still?" I asked, narrowing my eyes as I glared at him. "You still refuse to get involved?
What did my son initiate for then?"
"Your son choosing this path had absolutely nothing to do with me, Carlisle," he said, his
lips still curved into a sinister smile. "He decided this was the best place for him. I've
allowed Royce to assist on his mission, and they have all of our resources at their disposal
of course, but it has nothing to do with me personally."
"How can you say that?" I asked in disbelief. "She's his girlfriend. The women of made men
aren't to be messed with. They're to be respected, we're supposed to honor them and
protect them! It's part of the oath; it’s one of our fucking commandments, Aro! It's made
clear at initiation, so how can you still not act? You initiated a boy whose girlfriend has
been kidnapped, and not just by anyone, but by one of our own! How is that not your
problem? It's all of our problem!"
The smirk fell from his lips and I could see the hostility in his eyes as he glared at me, the
room falling into a tense silence. Everyone was staring at us cautiously, obviously caught
off guard by the exchange. Alec cleared his throat after a second, drawing our attention. "If
you don't mind, sir, I think Carlisle and I should try to catch up with Edward while we still
can."
"Yes, you should," he said stoically, still glaring at me and obviously displeased at my
behavior. "Use whatever you need."
"Thank you, sir," Alec responded, standing up. "Come on, Carlisle."
I pushed my chair back roughly and stood up, following Alec out of the room. I heard
whispers start up as I exited, followed by Aro angrily demanding silence. I knew I shouldn't
have reacted as I did, because speaking to the boss in such a way was completely out of line
and just asking for trouble, but I was so fucking angry and disgusted at his behavior that I
couldn't help myself. I was stressed and worried, distraught that my son had done the one
fucking thing I'd fought so hard to make sure he didn't do. It felt like everything I had done
had been in vain, a complete waste of time and energy because he ended up exactly where I
was trying to keep him from going. I was losing focus of the point of it all, my emotions
taking hold of me and all logic taking a backseat.
"You must truly have a death wish," Alec said under his breath as we headed for the back
room.
"It's bullshit," I muttered, shaking my head.
"Maybe so, but speaking to him that way will get you nowhere but in a wooden box in the
ground and you know that," he said, opening the door and walking in. He started pulling
cabinet doors open and grabbing weapons, tossing me two .45 Smith & Wesson's and a box
of ammunition. He pulled out two guns for himself, slipping them into his coat along with
more ammunition. He grabbed a disposable cell phone since it was too dangerous to use
ours, handing it to me, and we left immediately afterward, driving across town to Royce's
house. I used to phone to call both Royce and my son a few times during the drive and got
no answer from either one, but that didn’t surprise me given it was a number neither knew.
Alec knocked on the front door when we arrived and it was pulled open a second later, a
vaguely familiar face greeting us.
"Clara," Alec said politely to the woman who happened to be one of the slaves he had been
taken from the Swan's residence in Phoenix. She’d been staying with Alec and Esme for
awhile but Esme preferred to do everything herself, so the woman had grown anxious with
nothing to do. Alec figured she’d be better off somewhere where she could keep busy, but
still be safe. "Is Royce home?"
"No, sir," she responded hesitantly, glancing between us. "He left a few hours ago with Mr.
Cullen. They were, uh..."
"Looking for Isabella," Alec said, completing her thought. "We know what they’re doing."
"Is there any word, sir? Any idea at all where she could be?" Clara asked, her voice shaking
from nerves. I gaped at her with shock, stunned that she'd have the courage to ask Alec
such a question. I'd never seen a slave address Alec directly before. My own wife could
barely even look at him, and she was a free woman and had known him for years. "I, uh,
I'm sorry for prying, sir, I've just known Isabella since she was tiny. I've always felt like
another mother to her and I'm terribly worried. I know it's not my place..."
"It's fine," Alec said, cutting off her rambling. "We haven't found her yet. That’s why we’re
here, we need to come in and try to track them down."
"Uh, okay," she said, stepping to the side and waving us in. I could see the questions in her
eyes as she debated whether that was the right thing to do or not, but her concern for
Isabella won out over everything. She offered us drinks as we headed toward Royce's office
but we declined, telling her to give us some space. Alec immediately started rifling through
drawers and files, looking for anything they might've dug up, while I booted up his laptop
and started going through the history.
Alec pulled out a map of the area after a moment, unfolding it on the desk beside where I
was sitting. Areas of it were circled and crossed out, the entire thing riddled with writing. I
recognized some of it as my son's and it was clear he was frenzied, because the words were
barely legible and very juvenile looking. It immediately reminded me of the journal the
agent had brought to the interrogation room, the one of Isabella's that he'd found in my
house.
I pulled the phone out when the thought registered with me and dialed Emmett’s number.
It started ringing and he picked it up, answering hesitantly. "Hello?”
“Emmett,” I started. “Did you…”
“Dad?! How is everything? Have you found her? Fuck, I’ve really been worried, Dad…"
"I'm fine, but no, we haven't found her,” I said. “Look, I’m calling to ask if you ever got the
chip working again.”
"Uh, yes," he responded. "It tracked it to somewhere around Highland Park. That was all I
saw before they busted in and took it. Edward's been working all week to get another
program to track the chip using the information you gave me but it keeps saying the chip
can't be located. He even tracked down your doctor in Phoenix and got his hands on the
software you used, but still nothing."
"I was afraid of that. Thank you. I'll call you when I find out something," I responded,
hanging up without giving him the chance to say anything more. "They're in Highland
Park."
"I figured," Alec said. "They've got Vladimir and Stephan's homes and businesses
pinpointed on the map, but there's no way they would've taken Isabella there, if it's indeed
one of them behind this. It would be entirely too risky and personal. They would've found
somewhere close to home, but far enough away to keep the two separate. Somewhere fairly
isolated, where they could go unnoticed with no chance of her being stumbled upon, but
not so isolated that their slipping in and out would draw curious eyes.” He scanned the
map with his fingertip, studying it intently.
"You know, an agent visited me when we were in lock up," I said quietly as I scrolled
through the computer’s history, seeing what Royce had been searching recently. "He had
one of Isabella's journals. He confiscated it during the search of my house."
"She shouldn't have journals," Alec said flatly. "Too incriminating."
"I didn't know she had it," I responded. "But then again Elizabeth kept one too, and I didn't
know about it for a long time either. Hers is sitting in the glove box of my car, so they didn't
find it, but that’s really beside the point. The agent asked me about Isabella, and he wanted
to know what I was tracking on my laptop with the GPS program."
"What did you tell them?" he asked.
"Nothing," I answered firmly, giving him an incredulous look. "You know me, Alec. I gave
them nothing. He said it wasn't tracking anything, though, that the program said the chip
couldn’t be located."
He paused and glanced at me curiously, raising his eyebrows in question. "Well, thank God
for that, but I thought Emmett fixed it."
"He did,” I responded quietly. He continued to stare at me for a moment in silence as we

both contemplated what that meant before turning back to the map. I focused my attention
back to the laptop, scouring the history. There were numerous addresses and names that
had been searched but nothing that stood out to me as important at first glance.
“What’s located on this side road off of Route 41?” Alec asked after a moment, pointing to
section of the map lightly circled with a pencil. The name of the road struck me as familiar
and I sought it out in the history, remembering I had seen it a second earlier. A map
popped up and I zoomed in on an aerial view of the location.
“Looks like some sort of industrial area. It’s surrounded by trees, but no residences that I
can tell,” I said. “Looks to be just warehouses, docks, storage units and some parking lots.
Nothing out of the usual.”
“That has to be it,” he said. “It’s right off of the highway, so there’s easy access in and out.
No need for them to worry about people growing suspicious about extra traffic or strangers,
and noise is relatively expected. I see no other place that fits the criteria and makes sense in
the area, if she’s indeed in Highland Park.”
“She is,” I said. “Or she was, anyway.”

“Well, let’s hope she still is. Otherwise, all of this has been for nothing,” he responded,
folding the map up and shoving it in his pocket. “Come on, let’s get this over with. We have
48 hours to end it.”
I closed the laptop and stood up as Alec started out of the room. He brushed right past
Clara, who was standing in the hallway eyeing us nervously. I nodded at her as I followed
him out, the two of us hopping into his car. He started it up and gunned it out of the
driveway, the tires squealing loudly as he accelerated away. The sun was setting, darkness
falling over Chicago as we drove north toward Highland Park.
I tried Royce and Edward’s phones a few more times during the drive with no luck reaching
them, and the lack of communication began to wear on my nerves. I had no idea what my
son was up to, what situation he was in or even if he was okay for that matter. Royce had
never given me reason not to trust him, and he was good enough at what he did to climb
ranks quite quickly, but the fact that it was his foot soldiers that had gone wayward didn’t
sit well with me. If he had been on guard and paying attention, he should’ve seen it and
realized what was happening with his own men. The fact that he had been so oblivious to
what was going on right under his nose wasn’t a good sign and made me question his
ability to gauge situations, not to mention the voice in the back of my mind that worried it
could all be a trap. I didn’t want to believe it, but if Royce were in on it, we could all be
heading right toward our demise.
Alec got off of the highway and neared the area, cruising through the streets slowly. Most of
the buildings appeared abandoned, aged and worn down, some even boarded up. The walls
were riddled with graffiti; pictures of hearts with wings, pitchforks and devil’s horns along
with six-pointed stars were strewn around with spray-paint. They were gang signs I’d seen
countless times, made by street thugs and hustlers that thought themselves to be hardcore.
Men who had no true loyalty to one another, no respect within their orders -- who were
opportunistic and flaunted their positions, only looking out for themselves in the long run.
My father had always been disgusted by them, disturbed by their tactics and lack of civility.
He loathed their usage of the words ‘gangster’ and ‘mafia’, cringed at their definition of
‘initiation’ and ‘brotherhood’.
I couldn’t count how many times I’d heard him rant in his lifetime about all of it, how he
prided himself on the fact that at least his organization had respect. They may have broken
the law and committed heinous crimes, but in his mind all of it was founded. The
organization he ran didn’t hurt people just to hurt them. His organization had true power
and commitment.
My father took the oath seriously and believed until the day he died that the organization
he had ran for decades was a true family, a Borgata with a bond stronger than blood. He
may not have been a loved man because of how strict he was, but he was revered and
people followed his example. No one stepped out of line with my father around. No one
crossed him and very few were stupid enough to knowingly break the oath with him in
charge.
He was probably rolling over in his grave, knowing the organization he had helped build
and strengthen had fallen to the levels of being as inhumane as the thugs destroying
property and flaunting their crimes. We still called ourselves Men of Honor, but there was
nothing honorable about tricking an innocent boy into initiating for selfish reasons, or
allowing the girl he loved to be in danger and just turning your back on it. My father and I
may have never seen eye-to-eye, but I knew there was no way he would’ve allowed the
situation we were in to happen under his watch.
There was no way he would’ve tolerated it.
“Are you okay, Carlisle?” Alec asked. I glanced over at him and saw the concern in his
expression. “We need to be on top of this. We don’t have room for mistakes or
hesitation...there's no time for second thoughts.”
“I’m not having second thoughts,” I said. “I’m just thinking about how disturbed my father
would be about all of this, if he were alive.”
“None of this would be happening if your father were alive,” he responded. “I know you
resented him for forcing your hand into following in his footsteps, but your father was an
honorable man… as far as honor goes within our world. He made you fight for what you
wanted instead of just handing it to you, even though he was in the position to, because he
wanted you to be the type of man who fought for what meant something to you. If your
father hadn’t died, the respect would still be there. We wouldn’t be going up against such
meager forces and separated as we are. Your father's organization was united and strong.
No one would’ve dared pulled this stunt with him in charge, and if they did he would’ve
squashed it right away with no hesitation just on principle alone.”
“We’re no better than the men tagging these buildings,” I muttered, shaking my head.
“I wouldn’t go that far. I like to think most of us still have our honor, myself included,” he
said.
“Where’s the honor when innocents are dying?” I asked. “Jacob’s dead. The doctor in Port
Angeles…”
“They died for an innocent,” he said. “It’s unfortunate, but their lives were sacrificed for
Isabella. And maybe that’s not right, but it is what it is. Sometimes you have to do what you
have to do to protect what matters to you. You may not see it, but what you’ve done for
Isabella Swan after what she’s cost you personally is honorable. I can’t say I’d be able to do
the same, if I were in your position. If it were my wife that was murdered over the girl, I
would’ve most likely killed her a long time ago out of anger.”
“I almost did,” I said. “I wanted to. More than once.”
“But you didn’t,” he said. “Instead you’re here, risking your life to find her, and that’s where
the honor is, Carlisle. What we’re likely going to have to do to save her isn’t something to be
proud of, but saving her is. Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture.”
“I never imagined you’d be the one to give me a pep talk about this,” I said, shaking my
head as he pulled the car beside a dumpster behind a vacant building.
“Yes, well, you heard my wife,” he said as he turned the car off. “I may have broken my
vows to the organization by becoming involved in this situation in the first place, but I have
no intention of breaking my vows to my wife. She told me to come home, and that's exactly
what I'll be doing.”
We got out and I followed his lead as he walked alongside the building, staying in the
shadows and out of sight. He paused when he reached the corner, gazing across the road. I
spotted a black Mercedes right away, parked amongst some trees beside a smaller building.
“Is that Royce’s car?” I asked, faintly making out a small Italian-American decal on it. “I
thought he drove a BMW.”
“He does. That’s James’s car,” Alec said, reaching into his coat to pull out one of his guns. I
looked at him with surprise as he double-checked to make sure it was loaded. “I’m going to
go across and check it out. I need you to stay here and cover me.”
“Fine,” I said, pulling out a gun and flicking the safety off. He glanced around quickly
before jogging across the road, peering into the car and trying the doors but they were all
locked. I watched the area for any sign of movement as he looked around, hunching down
and glancing into the windows of the large building that appeared to be an old business
long ago vacated. He returned after a moment, shaking his head.
“It appears to be empty, from what I can tell. I see no one inside,” he said quietly. I nodded
and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, opening my mouth to speak when a loud
noise rang out behind us, startling me. I swung around and pointed my weapon but Alec
grabbed a hold of me and pulled me around the corner out of sight.
“What…” I started, but he shook his head and held his hand up to silence me. I heard
multiple voices blurring together and Alec grabbed my arm, motioning with his head for us
to cross the street. I followed him and we hid alongside the vacant building he’d checked
out moments earlier, watching in the darkness. Three people stepped out from behind the
large warehouse, pausing in the spot where we’d just been standing. I recognized James
immediately and noticed there was a stranger with shaggy blonde hair nonchalantly
clutching an AK-47 right beside him. Something about the third person struck me as
vaguely familiar, but it was dark and he had his back to me so I couldn’t quite place him.
“Brazen, aren’t they?” Alec said, motioning toward the man with the AK-47. “Brave and
careless. It’s a dangerous combination, to be fearless and so casual about things.”
“Fucking crazy is what they are,” I mumbled. We couldn’t hear what they were saying but
watched as James pulled out a set of keys, tossing them to the third guy. James and the
man with the AK-47 started for the front entrance of the building, pulling it open right
away and disappearing inside. “Unlocked.”
“I suppose we can add stupid to the list of adjectives then,” he responded as the guy turned
and started across the street toward James’s car. Alec gripped his gun and quickly slipped
around the back of the building. I stood there for a moment before slowly taking a few steps
around the front, keeping close to the building and remaining in the shadows. I reached the
corner just as Alec came around from the back and warded off the man, pointing his gun.
The man froze when he spotted Alec, throwing his hands up immediately and dropping the
keys he’d been holding.
“Alec,” he said, panicked. His voice struck me as familiar and my stomach sank when I
realized why.
“Catalano?” I said. The man turned his head right away, fear flashing across his face when
we made eye contact. Stefano Catalano was his name, a kid barely older than Edward that
I’d initiated only a few months earlier. I had been named his mentor and was
instantaneously filled with guilt because I’d been so wrapped up in my life that I’d severely
neglected him. I was supposed to help him assimilate into the organization, come to terms
with his place in the ranks, but I’d left him to his own defenses and less than six months in
he was already rogue.
“Dr. Uh, Carlisle, sir,” he stammered nervously. “What are you, uh, doing… here…”
I went to respond but before I could Alec grabbed a hold of him and threw him up against
the side of the building, patting him down quickly and pulling out his gun. He put it in his
own pocket and shook his head as he pressed his gun into the boy's throat.
“Don’t waste our time asking questions you know the answers to, and don’t pretend to be
ignorant, either. You know why we’re here, and you’re going to tell us what we want to
know,” he said harshly, his tone causing even my skin to crawl.
“I, uh, I swear I didn’t know…” he started right away, but Alec thrust the gun into his
Adam’s apple and cut him off, a strangled, painful cry escaping his throat.
“How many people are inside?” Alec asked firmly.
“Five or six, I think,” he responded, tears starting to fall down his cheeks. “Maybe more, I
don’t know.”
“Not a good answer,” Alec said.
“I saw six but there are other rooms I didn’t go in,” he elaborated nervously.
“Better,” Alec said. “Are they all armed?”
“The ones I saw were. They always are,” he responded.
“Who are they?” he asked.
“God, I don’t really know,” Stephano stammered.
“Well you better figure it out,” Alec said sharply. “Right now, before I blow your head off.”
“Fuck! Okay! Uh, James. He’s the only one I really know. He talked me into this, I swear I
didn’t realize what he was doing at first, I didn’t know he was going to…” he rambled, being
cut off abruptly when Alec took the gun and slammed him in the side of the head with it
hard. He cried out and stumbled, but Alec grabbed him and slammed him into the brick
building again.
“I don’t want your excuses. I want names,” he said coolly.
“Okay, God, uh…. James. And that girl of his, I don’t know her name,” he said.
“Victoria?” Alec asked. “The red-head?”
“No, not her. The other girl, the nurse,” he said.
“Heidi? The blonde?” I asked, narrowing my eyes in anger.
“Yeah, that’s her. There’s some guys I don’t know, some foreign guys. There’s an older man,
he’s the one who’s in charge. Stephan is his name, and I only remember it because it’s like
mine. I haven’t really spoken to him. He's fucking scary, man! And there are two other
younger Russians that have been hanging around but I don't know their names. They’re
complete assholes,” he said.
“And what about the girl?” Alec asked firmly.
“I told you the nurse was there,” he responded.
“Don’t play stupid,” Alec snapped. “I’m talking about Isabella.”
“Oh, uh, I haven’t seen her. I mean, I know they have her, but they don’t have her in the
front, and like I said, there are other rooms,” he stammered.
“You haven’t seen her at all?” Alec asked. He shook his head frantically in response.
“I’m sure she’s there, though. Or she was, I guess. They used to take food in the back, and I
heard her voice once…” he started, stopping abruptly as lights flashed and the sound of a
car approached. We all tensed up and watched as the black BMW turned out its headlights
and crept through the street slowly. It disappeared out of sight and I walked toward the
front of the building cautiously, watching as it stopped about a block away. The passenger
door opened and a form sprinted across the street as the car pulled out of sight, the form
still approaching. My eyes widened in shock when he came into sight, the striking bronze
hair standing out instantly.
“What the fuck are you doing, Edward?” I muttered to myself as he started toward the
building, reaching into his waistband and pulling out a gun. My heart was pounding
furiously and I heard Alec curse behind me when he realized it was my son.
“Stop him,” he stated. I groaned and glanced around in a panic before sprinting across the
street as he started for the front door of the building. His hand grasped the knob and he
turned in my direction before he could open it, tensing up in shock when he spotted me.
“Da—“ he started, but I grabbed a hold of him and dragged him away from the door
roughly before he could open it. He cursed and stumbled as I pulled him around the side of
the building, gaping at me in confusion. “What the fuck? Christ, she might be fucking in
there!”
“Keep your voice down,” I snapped. “You can’t just walk in the front door, Edward!”
“What the hell else am I supposed to do?” he asked angrily, narrowing his eyes at me. They
were bloodshot with dark bags underneath them. He was obviously worn down and
appeared as if he hadn’t slept in a long time, his hair sticking up everywhere and clothes
disheveled. “Do you know how long it’s been? Do you know how long she’s fucking been
gone? I have to find her, no matter what!”
“I know, but you can’t just walk in blindly! You seriously have a lot to learn, son. Do
you want to die?” I asked. “We’re here, we’re on it.”
“Well, about fucking time you’re here,” he snapped. “Do you know what the fuck I’ve been
through this week? What the hell I’ve had to do?”
“Calm down,” I said.
“You want me to fucking calm down?” he nearly yelled. “Fuck you!”
I groaned and grabbed his arm, pulling him across the street. He resisted at first but was
obviously exhausted and gave in quickly. We walked over to where Alec stood in the
darkness and I glanced down, seeing Stephano huddled on the ground against the wall.
“Tale il padre, tale il figlio,” Alec muttered. “Neither of you have any sense of self-
preservation left.”
“What the fuck ever. She’s worth dying for,” Edward said right away.
“And what happens when you die?” Alec countered, giving him a pointed look. “What
happens to her then? Your carelessness is going to get her killed. You’re a made man now,
you need to start thinking with your head.”
Edward tensed up and quickly shot me a peculiar look. “Whatever, I need to save her, that’s
what I need to do,” he muttered, shoving his gun in his pocket and running his hands
through his hair nervously. He glanced around, appearing frazzled, before motioning
toward Stephano. “Who is this motherfucker?”
“He’s a friend of ours,” I said coolly. “Catalano.”
“If he’s a friend of ours, why the fuck is he on the ground?” Edward asked, his brow
furrowing in confusion.
“He’s more of a friend to James, it seems,” Alec responded.
“Wait, he’s fucking in on this?” Edward asked. I nodded and he rushed forward right away,
reaching down and grabbing Stephano by the collar. “She better not be hurt, you hear me?
Where the fuck is she? What did you do to her? Tell me!”
Stephano’s eyes widened in shock and he shook his head frantically, glancing quickly
between Alec and me. “I swear, I didn’t do anything to her! I haven’t seen her!”
“What the fuck do you mean you haven’t seen her?” Edward snapped, slamming the boys
head back against the building. “You assholes took my fucking girl from me and I want her
back!” He braced his hands against the building, reaching his foot back and lunging it
forward. Stephano curled up into a ball and started sobbing wildly as Edward pounded him
with his foot, yelling at him about Isabella. I grabbed his shoulder and tried to pull him off
but he shoved me away and continued to assault Stephano. He was shaking and there were
tears flowing from his eyes, his emotions pushing him over the edge.
“He’s so much like you it’s almost disturbing,” Alec said calmly. “I can’t count how many
times you’ve allowed it to become personal and chose to use your hands and feet as
weapons.”
“He’s going to kill him,” I warned, panicked by how out of control my son was. "He can’t
tell us anything if he’s dead, Alec.”
Alec sighed and grabbed a hold of Edward, pulling him away. He resisted a bit but Alec was
too strong for him and came between the two of them, giving Edward a harsh look.
“Enough,” he said firmly, before reaching down and grabbing Stephano, pulling him to his
feet.
“Where were you going?” Alec asked. “Just now, why did James give you his keys?”
“Uh, food,” he muttered, blood pouring from his face. He tried to wipe it away but it
continued to flow. “I was supposed to get food, sir.”
Alec stared at him for a second as the brush ruffled nearby, causing Edward and I to tense
up and reach for our weapons as a precaution. “Hello, Royce,” Alec said flatly, not even
turning around to look as the person approached.
“Alec, Carlisle,” Royce said, his tone hesitant as he greeted me. “It’s nice to see you
gentlemen again.”
“How the fuck did you know it was him?” Edward asked, glaring at Alec suspiciously. Alec
sighed with annoyance, shaking his head.
“It doesn’t matter. I always know my surroundings,” he responded, glancing at my son

briefly before turning his attention back to the boy on the ground. “If you want me to show
you any mercy, Catalano, this is what you’re going to do. You’re going to go across the
street and walk in the front door of the building, and say you were jumped by some of these
thugs that roam these streets. Say they stole your money and James’s keys. Do you
understand?”
“Yes, please. I’ll do anything,” he sputtered.
“Good. Now go,” he said, shoving the boy. Stephano started staggering away, nervously
shooting looks at Alec. “Carlisle, you and Edward go around and cover the back door.
Royce and I will get the front.”
I nodded and grabbed the gun from my coat as I sprinted across the street, positioning
myself in the shadows beside the back entrance. Edward followed me quietly, the tension
coming from him so harsh I could practically feel it on my skin. He was fidgeting and
pacing slightly, making me uneasy.
“You’re pissed at me, aren’t you?” he asked after a second, a slight edge to his words. “I had
to fucking do it, Dad. I needed to find her. I have to fucking know, I have to see her. I need
her to be okay. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do if she isn’t. She has to be safe.”
“You’re right, I am pissed. I don’t see how throwing your life away helps anything, but now
isn’t the time for this,” I said sharply, trying not to even think about it. I needed to remain
calm and collected, and dwelling on what he’d done was only going to get me riled up
again. “We’re going to go in here and end this, and no matter what we find we’ll deal with it
afterward.”
He seemed like he was about to respond but within a matter of seconds gunshots started
ringing out inside the building and the back door was thrust open, an unfamiliar young
man with dark hair appearing. He froze when he spotted us, his eyes widening with fear,
and raised his gun. I aimed and fired off a round, hitting him square between the eyes.
Blood splattered everywhere and he staggered, firing off a shot that whizzed by us as he
slammed to the ground. I pumped two more rounds into him quickly before grabbing the
door and slipping inside, stunned momentarily by the sight. People were clamoring and
dodging flying bullets, the sound of most of the gunfire muffled by silencers. Edward came
in behind me and cursed, diving to the side to duck behind a table in the flurry of gunfire. I
spotted Alec by the front door, firing at an older man that I assumed to be Stephan as he
ran toward the back.
I spotted James a few feet away, hiding behind a table and fumbling as he attempted to
load a gun. I started firing shots at him and he jumped as he finished what he was doing,
pointing his weapon at me to fire back. My first two bullets barely missed him as he
shielded himself and dodged them, but the third one hit him directly in the chest, a loud
gasp escaping his mouth as he slumped backwards. James struggled for air and something
nearby caught my attention briefly as a bullet whizzed by me, grazing my cheek. I cursed at
the burning sensation and it distracted me momentarily, giving James just enough time to
get the upper hand. He fired off some rounds back to back, a bullet ripping through my left
shoulder as even more flew by me. My arm started to go numb almost immediately, searing
pain coursing through my upper body, but my own injury was forgotten instantly when I
heard the sound of my son screaming.
I turned quickly in reaction and saw Edward grasping his right arm, realizing right away
that one of James’s bullets had hit him. He froze in place but recovered within a matter of
seconds and grabbed his gun, which had been knocked from his hand, as I turned back to
face James once again. I started firing off rounds quickly, taking a few steps toward him as
my anger exploded and mingled with the pain in my shoulder. My vision narrowed with the
flash of the gun barrel, and my eyes were fixated directly on James as I started pumping
bullet after bullet into his body. Three slammed into his chest, piercing his heart and
causing horrid gasping noises to come from him as blood started pouring from his wounds
and he struggled to breathe.
I paused when I was directly over him, glaring down at his incapacitated form. He was
trying to pull himself away, straining his body to get a hold of his gun but the life was
fading from him rapidly. I aimed at his head and stared him in the eyes, not an ounce of
fear in his expression as he stared back at me. Cold and heartless, even down to his very
last seconds, with not an ounce of remorse for what he’d done. “Arrivederci,” I said coldly
as my rage spiraled out of control, his expression twisting angrily at the simple word. I saw
the flash of fire in his eyes as he finally grabbed his gun and fought to pick it up quickly, but
I started firing off rounds in succession, bullets ripping through his skull. His finger pulled
the trigger as a knee-jerk reaction, a bullet flying off to the side as his body started violently
shaking. I didn’t stop until the gun clicked and every round was dispensed into him, leaving
him nearly completely unrecognizable.
I didn’t have any time to dwell on what had just happened, because before I could even
switch out my weapons the sound of an AK-47 ripped through the warehouse and bullets
slammed into everything around me. The noise was deafening and I ducked for cover,
grabbing for my second gun. I flicked the safety off and started firing at the man with the
weapon, hitting him in the leg with my first round. He stumbled but continued to fire,
another bullet grazing my neck in the chaos. My body felt like it was on fire and my vision
blurred from the pain, but I fought to keep a grip on myself.
I watched as Royce ran from the gunfire, but couldn’t dive for cover fast enough. Bullets
tore into his flesh and he cried out, attempting a few wayward shots as he collapsed. I
cursed and fired a few more rounds, one hitting the man with the assault rifle in the
stomach. My gun clicked as I ran out of ammunition and I struggled to reload as Edward
started shooting from a few feet away, one of his bullets grazing the man’s neck and
another hitting him in the back. The gunfire silenced momentarily as Edward reloaded and
the man staggered, struggling to stay on his feet. Alec pointed his gun at that moment,
firing three rounds directly into his head without hesitation. He fell backwards, his finger
clutching the trigger and wildly spraying bullets around as he collapsed. I saw Alec stagger
a few steps as he was hit but he stayed on his feet, recovering quickly enough to dispense
another round into him.
A female's piercing screams shattered the air when the man hit the ground, the sound
sending a cold chill down my spine. Edward immediately ran in the direction of the noise
and I yelled after him, warning him to be careful, but I wasn’t sure if he even heard me in
the chaos. I chased after him as bullets rang out from a room in the back, one whizzing
right by my head. Alec covered us by shooting at who I assumed had to be Stephan, but I
couldn’t really see him from my position. Edward froze abruptly after a moment and I
nearly ran straight into him, confused about why he was just stopping, until my eyes fell
upon Heidi standing in the corner. Her eyes were wide with fear and she threw her hands
in the air as if to surrender, a loud scream still reverberating from her. She quieted some
after a second, visibly trembling as she glanced between the two of us frantically.
“Please,” she whimpered, tears streaming down her face. “Edward, Dr. C. I didn’t… I’m
sorry…. I swear, I’m so sorry!”
It seemed in that moment as if everything paused, an eerie tense silence falling over us as
we stood staring at her. The moment passed just as quickly as it came, however, and
Edward reacted swiftly... but I was faster. He raised his gun, his expression full of rage, but
I fired before he could pull the trigger. I stepped forward to block Edward’s line of sight,
and Heidi staggered backwards and gasped as she collapsed onto the ground. Riddled with
guilt and shame, I stood over her and watched as the life diminished from her, disgusted
with myself because I’d murdered an unarmed woman, and that was something I’d avoided
as much as possible in my life. She may have deserved her fate, and I knew deep down
inside she wouldn’t have walked out of the room alive regardless, but it pained me to have
to be the one to have pulled the trigger. However, there was no way in Hell I could let my
son carry that kind of burden with him in life. He had enough on his shoulders as it was.
“I could’ve fucking done it,” Edward spat angrily behind me. I turned to respond, panicking
when I spotted Stephan across the room grabbing an AK-47 and pointing it at us. I lunged
for Edward quickly and threw him to the ground, landing on top of him as the spray of
bullets rang out all around us. Stephan paused briefly and ducked for cover when his clip
was expelled, struggling to reload as Alec fired off some rounds, before standing back up
and starting to shoot again within a matter of seconds. Bullets tore into Stephan as Edward
and I both fired from our position and he fought to maintain his balance, refusing to give
up the fight despite the fact that he was getting hit from all directions. I watched in horror
as some bullets from the spray of the AK-47 hit Alec and he stumbled, dropping to his
knees.
I leapt up quickly and rushed forward, clutching my gun as my rage took over. I started
shooting again with no hesitation, three bullets hitting Stephan straight in the head as I
rushed toward my brother-in-law. He stared at me in shock for a split second before
dropping hard, a loud bang ringing out as he took out a metal chair on his way down. I
glanced around cautiously to make sure the threat was gone before dropping my gun and
crouching down in front of Alec, panicked. He was on his knees and hunched over,
wheezing and clutching his stomach. I could see the red seeping onto his shirt and he
glanced at me, the color draining from his face. I’d been hit a few times in the chaos but the
wounds were superficial and I could deal with them on my own. Alec, however, obviously
hadn’t been so lucky.
“Let me see,” I said right away, trying to pry his hands away. He resisted at first but
eventually gave in, sitting back. I ripped his shirt open to get a good look and he winced as I
touched the area, three separate wounds visible on his abdomen. “This isn’t good, Alec. We
need to get you to the hospital.”
“I’m fine,” he grumbled, pushing my hands away as he struggled to get to his feet. He
swayed a bit but managed to stand on his own, refusing my help. “You need to find the
girl.”
His words pulled me back to the situation at hand and I glanced around quickly, looking
for Edward. I spotted him approaching a doorway across the room that Stephan had come
out of, frantically tugging on his hair. He was frazzled, his clothes torn and splattered with
blood. I worried for him but my concern shifted as he froze at the entrance to the other
room, a lone word escaping his throat in an agonizing scream.
“Bella!”
He bolted into the room and I swiftly followed him, freezing a few steps inside the doorway.
My breath nearly left me at the sight of Edward sitting on the edge of a dirty, torn mattress
and pulling Isabella into his arms, her body frail and limp. She was barely recognizable
from the girl who had stood in my house a few weeks earlier, instead resembling the girl I’d
picked up more than a year ago from Phoenix. She’d dropped a lot of weight and she was
obviously severely dehydrated, her skin blotchy and lips blue. Her clothes were in tatters,
her body covered in bruises and dried blood. Even where I stood I could see her injuries,
the sight making me sick to my stomach.
Edward was panicking, clinging to her tightly as tears started streaming down his cheeks.
“Isabella, baby, wake up! Open your eyes for me!” he said, his voice shaking. “Fuck! Please,
tesoro.”
He picked her up, cradling her in his arms and brushing past me as he carried her out into
the open warehouse. His injured arm nearly gave out on him but he kept a grip on her,
slumping himself down against the wall and holding her tightly
I squatted down beside him and grabbed her wrist, her pulse weak and erratic. Her hands
were freezing and her arm was twisted in an odd direction, her shoulder obviously
dislocated. I could see her chest moving rapidly and her breaths were shallow and she was
feverish so I checked her eyes, noticing her pupils were constricted. She didn’t react with
any of her reflexes, her neurological system not functioning normally.
“Is she okay? Christ, why isn’t she fucking waking up?” Edward asked in alarm, caressing
her face with his hand. I sighed, shaking my head.
“I’m going to assume she’s been drugged with something. I can’t be exactly sure, but likely
a barbiturate of some sort,” I responded.
“Is she fucking okay, though? Is she going to be alright?” he asked.
“I, uh… I wish I knew for sure. I…” I started, but he cut me off before I could even try to
elaborate.
“You’re always trying to fucking play doctor with me, and the one goddamn time I ask you
for some fucking help that’s what you give me? You wish you fucking knew? You’ve got to
be kidding me!” he snapped.
“I need to get her somewhere where I can really assess her,” I said. “She’s alive…”
“And she better fucking stay that way,” he spat, cutting me off again. “Isabella, baby, I need
you to wake up for me. I need you. Christ, I fucking need you. You have to fucking make it,
because I can’t live if you don’t. I can’t fucking survive if you don’t. Please. I’ll do anything,
just wake up so I know you’re okay.”
My chest ached at his outburst of emotion, his words catching in his throat as sobs started
rocking his body. He had clearly reached his breaking point, everything coming to a head at
that moment as he clung to the girl he loved and begged for her survival. “I’ll do what I can
for her,” I said quietly.
“She better fucking make it,” he yelled. “I swear to God if she doesn’t, I’ll fucking kill them
all. Everyone who fucking hurt her, I’ll kill them.”
I went to respond but before I could Alec’s voice rang out behind me. “Too late,” he said
calmly. “They’re all already dead.”
Edward glared at Alec, his eyes narrowed and his expression one of pure hostility. “Well,
we’ll bring those motherfuckers back to life just so I can fucking kill them again,” he spat
irrationally. “She has to fucking be okay!”
Alec just stared at him for a moment before turning to me. He tried to take a step but his
knees buckled, and I grabbed a hold of him quickly before he hit the ground. “I need to get
you to a hospital right now,” I said, knowing he was beginning to weaken from the severe
loss of blood.
“You’re out on bail, Carlisle,” he scoffed, shaking his head and pushing me away. “I’ll take
myself to the hospital and make something up. You need to call Aro and get some men over
here to help clean this mess up before we all go down.”
“Alec,” I started, but he gave me a pointed look to stop me.
“You heard what I said,” he stated flatly as he started walking away, the pain he was feeling
visible in his movements but he didn’t verbalize it at all. He glanced around at the bodies
scattered around cautiously, shaking his head as his eyes fell on Royce’s lifeless form. “Che
peccato.”
“I know,” I said, my guilt intense. I reached into my pocket to pull out my phone as Alec
started staggered toward the door. I watched him for a second, worry eating away at me.
“Are you sure about this, Alec? You’re losing a lot of blood, I don’t know if…”
“Don’t be stupid, Carlisle,” he stated. “Get them here to clean this up, and get Isabella to
my house and fix her for your son before he resorts to attempting to resuscitate people just
to kill them again.” He paused near the exit and pulled his gun out of his waistband,
turning back around. He looked at me for a moment with a curious expression before
glancing across the room where young Stephano sat in shock, so quiet that he was almost
unnoticeable. Alec pointed his gun and fired three times back to back into the boy, the
gunshots startling Edward.
“Fuck! Christ, Alec!” he snapped, looking at Stephano’s slumped over body in shock. “I
thought you said you were going to show him some fucking mercy for helping!”
“Do you know what happens to people who turn on the organization, Edward?” Alec asked
flatly, letting go of his gun and letting it drop to the floor. “They’re incapacitated and cut up
before being abandoned in a sewer or condemned building somewhere. Somewhere
infested, and do you know what happens to them when the vermin find them, when they
smell the blood? Can you imagine being aware of what’s happening but being unable to
stop it? Being eaten alive can’t be a pleasant way to die, but I suppose it is quite fitting,
giving rats to the rats. So yes, Edward, I did show him some mercy, because what I did to
him was a hell of a lot more humane than what would’ve happened had he still been
breathing when Aro arrived.”
Alec turned to leave as I started dialing Aro’s number, my heart pounding furiously as it
rang. I heard Edward curse in shock and turned to look at him, freezing when I saw
Isabella’s eyes were open. She blinked a few times as she stared at him, relief visibly
washing over my son's face as he gazed at her.
“Fuck, tesoro, you fucking scared me!” he said.
“Edward,” she whispered, the word barely audible. Her voice was scratchy and she winced
as she spoke.
“Yeah, it’s me. I told you I’d fucking find you. I was never going to give up. I promised you.
Sempre,” he stammered, caressing her face once more. “God, I fucking love you.”
A tear slid down his cheek and Isabella tried to reach her hand up to brush it away, but she
was weak and it fell short. She mouthed something else that I couldn’t hear but Edward
laughed in response, the sound catching me off guard. I went to speak but before I could
Aro’s voice rang through the line, stopping me.
“Yes?” he said.
“It’s Carlisle,” I said.
“Ah, Carlisle. I’ve been worried. Is everything okay? I haven’t…” he started, the rest of his
statement a blur because a bang and a thump rang out across the room, distracting me. I
jumped in surprise and nearly dropped the phone, spinning around quickly and freezing in
horror when I saw Alec slumped over in the doorway, having made it half-way outside
before collapsing. I cursed and started running toward him, ignoring Aro in my panic. I
crouched down and pulled him back inside, turning him over quickly and feeling for a
pulse. He was still breathing but unconscious, and completely unresponsive to me.
“Fuck! Dad!” Edward screamed out of nowhere. I glanced over quickly, the blood rushing
so furiously through my veins that I could hear it echoing in my ears. I froze immediately
when I saw him clinging to Isabella, her body violently convulsing in his arms. I glanced
between Isabella and Alec, unsure of what to do, as dread coursed through me. I could hear
Aro asking if everything was okay, but I was too overwhelmed to explain it to him. Royce
was dead, Alec was bleeding and unconscious, Isabella was seizing, my son was frightened
and I had a warehouse full of devastation that I needed to clean up with very little time left
to do it.
“No. It's not okay.”
*****
Oggi a te, domani a me = Today to you, tomorrow to me ("Every dog has its day")
Che peccato = What a pity
Chapter 72 Errors & Pardons
"We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our
follies." – Voltaire
All I could see were fireworks.
Flashes of light broke through in the darkness, loud bangs ringing out in the distance. I
didn't know what was real anymore, where I was or what was happening, but the one thing
I was sure of was the fireworks.
It reminded me of the day Edward had taken me to the party by the lake, when we rang in
the New Year together. I could practically still sense his presence and it felt like a million
butterflies had invaded my system, leaving me weakened and dizzy.
"Just fireworks, tesoro-nothing to be afraid of," he had whispered. "They're loud, but they
won't hurt you. I won't let anything hurt you."
I believed his words as I lay there, just as I had the day he first spoke them. I felt no fear,
because I believed deep down inside that they couldn't truly harm me. No matter what they
did, they would never destroy me. Nothing would.
"You were brought to me for a reason, for us to save each other," he had declared. "You
weren't the only one needing saved, Bella. I was drowning, and you rescued me."
He would come for me, and he would save me, because that was just what we did for each
other. It didn't matter what happened, he would never give up on me because it was meant
to be. Edward Cullen was my fate. I was drowning, slipping further and further away with
each passing moment, but I knew I would be fine as long as I didn't give up hope.
It was only a matter of time until he came.
So as I laid in the darkness, listening to the banging of the fireworks all around me, I fought
to hold on. The day at the lake played out in my mind, the love I felt from him that night
holding me close to the surface. I saw his face and heard his words, remembering it all in
clear detail. We'd both been so happy and I clung to that tightly, desperate to feel more of
it.
The fireworks faded eventually, the moment lost, but his faint voice continued to register
with my ears. I couldn't make out his words but I knew it was him, because I could
recognize him anywhere. The tiny hairs on my arms stood up as my skin tingled, the entire
sensation so real that I could practically smell him. The scent was one of a kind, warm and
intoxicating, drawing me closer to the surface as it swirled around me. I wondered if it was
a mirage, like a thirsty man in the midst of a hot, dry desert who saw a lake in the distance
that wasn't truly there. Was I so desperate for him to come that my senses were tricking me
into believing it had happened?
Light filtered in through my eyelids after a moment as I heard a few more bangs, and
Edward's voice became even louder than before. I forced my eyes open immediately at the
sound, blinking rapidly as I tried to clear my vision. Everything was hazy but I could make
out the bronze-toned hair, the sight of it nearly stilling my heart. I heard other voices in the
background, their words cloudy and barely audible, but nothing mattered at that moment
other than the image right in front of me.
My eyes stung and his face remained blurry no matter how much I blinked, but it didn't
matter because I was just so sure he was there. I could feel him, his presence instantly
calming my nerves and comforting me despite my earlier doubts.
He turned his head after a moment, his eyes meeting mine. They were clearer than
everything else, the striking green color bright amidst the fog. "Fuck!" he spat, sending
chills through my body. My vision blurred even more and I blinked rapidly, anxious to stay
conscious as the blackness threatened to take me again. "Fuck, tesoro, you fucking scared
me!"
"Edward?" I whispered, wincing from the burn in my throat as I spoke. It felt like it was on
fire, my mouth completely dry.
"Yeah, it's me. I told you I'd fucking find you. I was never going to give up. I promised you.
Sempre," he rattled off quickly, his voice fueled with emotion as he ran his hand along my
cheek. His skin was startlingly warm, his touch gentle. "God, I fucking love you."
I thought I saw the gleam of a tear on his cheek and tried to reach for it, my chest aching
for him, but I was entirely too weak to wipe it away. The movement sapped every ounce of
energy from me and everything started to fade again as soon as my hand dropped. I was
confused and couldn't seem to think clearly, overwhelmed by it all as I started slipping
back under. The image in front of me twisted and blurred, noises fading out as if I were
drowning again.
"Happy New Year," I whispered absent-mindedly, closing my eyes as his laughter cut
through the room. I smiled in response as a cold, numbing chill shot down my spine and I
started trembling, Edward yelling frantically as I began to lose consciousness once again.
I had no way to gauge how much time passed while I was out - it could've been hours or
days, even months for all I knew, but the one thing I was certain of was that I was never
alone. I heard vaguely familiar voices, occasionally sensing their presence as I drifted to the
surface, but everything faded away just as quickly as it came. I began to wonder again if I'd
even truly seen Edward, questioning as to whether he'd only been a figment of my
imagination. I had a few hallucinations, repressed memories resurfacing and twisting into
surreal encounters that I knew couldn't be real. I held conversations in my mind with
people I knew to be dead, experiencing déjà vu repeatedly as I relived bits and pieces of my
childhood. I was afraid he, too, had only been a dream and he hadn't come for me,
frightened as to what I would find when I finally opened my eyes... if I ever again would.
Slowly, I started having brief moments of lucidity, ones I only believed to be real because of
the pain I felt when they occurred. I was usually numb, except for a strange tingle in my
limbs, but occasionally intense pain would course through my body and pull me away from
my dreams. The instances started happening more often and despite the fact that they were
agonizing, I welcomed them. They meant that I was still alive, that somehow I was still
managing to hold on.
I heard an oddly familiar humming during one of my spells, which served to distract me
from the ache in my body and pushed me to fight to regain consciousness. When I finally
found the strength to force my eyes to open, I realized immediately that I was in a dark
room. It was clearly nighttime, and I couldn't seem to make out anything besides a form
standing a few feet away as my eyes tried to adjust. I realized that was where the humming
was coming from and struggled to make out who it was, only to freeze in confusion when
she finally turned to face me.
"Clara?" I whispered in disbelief, wondering if I was imagining things again because I

didn't understand how she could possibly be there. She was the last person I ever expected
to see, and I began to wonder if I was even alive.
"Isabella!" she gasped, rushing toward me. I stared at her in shock, overwhelmed by my
uncertainty and wondering if she was just another hallucination. What was real? I tried to
sit up but cried out as the pain intensified.
"It hurts," I whimpered as the tears stung my eyes. I felt one slip out and run down my
cheek, Clara immediately wiping it away.
"I know it does," she said quietly. "The doctor said you would be in pain when you finally
woke up. You've been out for a very long time, sweetie."
"Doctor?" I asked, never imagining those words would come from her. How long had I
been out, anyway? "Charles doesn't let us see doctors, Clara."
"Charles?" she asked in response, her brow furrowing as she shook her head. 'Where do
you think you are, Isabella?"
"At the Swan's. Where else would you be?" I responded. I was disoriented and exhausted,
my words slurring together. I desperately wanted to close my eyes again but I was afraid to,
worried I'd never open them again. "Where's my mother?"
Her eyes widened as she gaped at me. "Your mother?" she asked hesitantly. I tried to nod,
groaning loudly from the pain in my neck. "She, uh... um, hold on, okay?" She turned and
scurried from the room and I finally allowed my eyes to close, trying to block everything
out and make sense of what was going on. Where was I?
"Come on, open your eyes back up," I heard a voice say out of nowhere, startling me. I
forced my eyes back open to see the familiar man, a worried expression on his face. "Thank
you, dolcezza. I was worried you were gone again."
"Dr. Cullen?" I asked apprehensively, my confusion deepening.
"Yes, it's me," he responded, pulling out a stethoscope and pressing it against my chest. I
jumped from the unexpected coldness, pain ricocheting through me from the movement.
"Try not to move."
"It hurts," I muttered, tears starting to fall again.
"I know it does," he said, placing his hand against my forehead. I lay as still as possible,
fighting to ignore the pain and keep my eyes open as he checked me over intently. Clara
was hovering over his shoulder, wringing her hands together nervously, the entire scene
surreal.
"Are you real?" I asked after a moment, unable to keep silent any longer. Dr. Cullen paused
and looked at me with surprise.
"Am I real?" he asked.
"Are you really here?" I elaborated. "Or is this just another dream?"
"Oh, I'm quite real," he responded, pausing briefly as a small smile took over his lips. "At
least, I think so."
I tried to smile in response but I was weak and wasn't sure if it worked, still not
comprehending what was going on. "I'm confused," I stated. "I don't understand. I, uh...
don't remember. How did you get here? Where's Edward? Oh God! Where's Edward?"
I almost started hyperventilating, paralyzed by fear the moment I thought of Edward. I

recalled us being in an accident and glanced around the room frantically for him, trying to
sit up again but Dr. Cullen blocked my movement. "Calm down," he said.
"I can't," I yelled, my voice scratchy and cracking from my panic. "Where is he?"
"He's fine, Isabella. Relax and take a few deep breaths. Getting worked up isn't going to
help," he stated, continuing to look me over.
"Where is he?" I asked again in confusion. "Is he in the hospital? Is that why he isn't here?"
"He's not in the hospital. I assure you, he's fine. He just had something he needed to take
care of tonight," he responded hesitantly. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously as he averted his
gaze, focusing his attention on my arm. He lifted it and I cried out in pain, my shoulder stiff
and throbbing.
"What's he taking care of?" I asked, knowing Edward would have never left my side unless
it was absolutely necessary and worried because Dr. Cullen wasn't really explaining things
very well.
"It's not really important right now," he said forcefully, his firm tone catching me off guard.
"You need to focus on yourself right now, Isabella. Edward will be back soon, and he'll be
elated to know you're awake. He hasn't left your side the entire time you've been here,
except for tonight. He'll actually probably be pretty hard on himself for not being here, but
it can't really be helped."
"I, uh..." I started, not sure where I was even going with the thought. Nothing made sense.
"I still don't understand. I'm confused."
"I imagine you are. You've been out for a while, so it's only natural that you're groggy. You
were kept drugged the two or so weeks you were, uh, away," he said hesitantly, giving me a
wary look. "You weren't in very good condition when we found you."
"Drugged," I echoed his word, flashes of memory returning to me. I recalled a man
injecting me a few times, his voice unfamiliar. Everything was so hazy, my hallucinations
muddling everything and making it blur together.
"Yes, drugged. You were basically in a medically induced coma, I assume it was their way of
keeping you subdued. You probably don't remember much right now, and it's best you
don't strain yourself trying to. Things will come back to you with time," he said firmly, his
tone telling me he meant business. "Your body overdosed on the medication they pumped
into you, so when you started coming off of it you went through withdrawal. I had to put
you back under to wean you gradually and it's taken some time, so it will likely be a while
before you start feeling normal again. It would've been best to take you to a hospital, but
there was simply no way to explain away your condition along with an addiction to
Nembutal."
"Okay," I started, stopping abruptly and tensing up as he pulled out a needle full of clear
liquid.
"It's just morphine for the pain. It will help you rest," he explained when he noticed my
reaction, gently picking up my arm. I glanced down, my brow furrowing in confusion when
I spotted a needle already taped in my arm. Dr. Cullen injected the liquid into my vein,
smiling softly. "Like I said, you were in bad shape when we found you. You were severely
dehydrated and your shoulder was dislocated, among other things, so there will likely be
some lasting effects as a result."
"How long has it been?" I whispered, trying to grasp his words.
"It's the twenty-ninth of October today," he answered hesitantly as he eyed me cautiously.

"You disappeared on September thirtieth."
"A month," I mumbled in shock. An entire month had passed, my memory of it sketchy and
limited to brief flashes, those of which I couldn't even be sure really happened. It was no
wonder I was so confused.
"Yes. You've been here for about two weeks recuperating," he said.
"Where is here?" I asked groggily, exhaustion creeping in fast as the numbing feeling
started overtaking my body once more. "Clara... I saw her, and I thought..."
"I know," he interrupted. "We're actually in Chicago right now at my sister's house, but
we'll be heading back to Washington just as soon as you're strong enough."
"Chicago," I mumbled as my eyes started closing, vaguely recalling a man telling me that
before. Brief snippets of conversation came flooding back and I gasped loudly, my eyes
snapping open in horror.
"James!" I gasped, my speech slurred even more than before. "And the man, he..."
"What did I say Isabella?" Dr. Cullen asked pointedly, cutting me off before I could get my
thought out. "There will be plenty of time for that later. You need to rest now. It can wait."
I nodded hesitantly, having no energy to argue as I'd already forgotten what I wanted to say
in the first place, and allowed my eyes to close again. I heard his footsteps start for the
door, my exhaustion whisking me away almost instantly.
I awoke much later to a bright room, squinting from the harsh light filtering in from the
window. My body was sore, every inch of me aching. My head was thumping furiously and
I groaned as I tried to turn away from the sunlight, freezing when my hand came into
contact with a body in the bed beside me. My eyes widened in shock as I turned my head to
see Edward's still form. He was facing me and his eyes were closed, his chest rising and
falling at a steady pace as he slept. My eyes scanned him quickly, his mere presence making
my heart pound rapidly, and I noticed his right arm was wrapped from his fingers up past
his elbow with a tan colored bandage. Even asleep he appeared troubled, scars visible that I
had never seen before.
I clenched my jaw and fought back the cry that threatened to come out as I rolled over to
face him, the needle in my arm uncomfortable and pulling when I reached my hand toward
Edward. I hesitated an inch from his face, not wanting to disturb his slumber, before lightly
running my fingertips along the bridge of his nose. There was a small bump on it that
hadn't existed before, and I knew firsthand that it came from him a bone breaking because
it was just like the one I had.
I lay silently for a while, gently caressing his face and running my fingers through his hair
as I familiarized myself with him again. It felt so surreal, having him beside me, that even
the pain and my exhaustion couldn't distract me. He eventually started stirring, grumbling
incoherently with a frown on his face, before his eyes slowly drifted open. He glanced at me
and jumped, so startled he nearly fell off of the bed, and I pulled my hand back quickly.
"Christ, you're awake!" he said, his voice thick with sleep. "I swear, one of these days you're
going to give me a fucking heart attack, tesoro." I couldn't help the smile that spread across
my face at the sound of his voice, my eyes welling up with tears as I gazed at him.
"Edward," I whispered, my voice cracking as I fought back my emotion, but it was too
much to handle. Tears started falling down my cheeks and he stared in shock, reaching out
to wipe them away.
"Shit, are you okay?" he asked, sounding panicked. "Are you hurt? Wait, what the fuck am I
thinking? Of course you're hurting! Christ, I'm a fucking idiot! What can I do?"
"I'm fine," I whispered.
"You're not fine," he retorted, shaking his head. "You're fucking hurt, tesoro. Christ, do you
know how much you fucking scared me? I thought I was going to lose you! When I woke up
in that goddamn car and saw you were gone, I thought my life was over. But I swore I'd
never fucking give up and I didn't. I would've never stopped looking, I would've found you
if it was the last goddamn thing I did-no matter what. But, fuck, I was scared! I couldn't
even think about going on if you were dead..."
"I'm not dead," I said quietly through my tears.
"Yes, but..." he started.
"No buts," I interrupted. "I thought I was going to lose you, too, Edward. When you
wouldn't wake up in the car and they came for me, I thought they were going to kill you. I
was so scared that I begged them to leave you alone."
"You begged those motherfuckers?" he asked, his brow furrowing.
"Yes. They were going to kill you," I said, my voice cracking as the memory resurfaced. "But
I begged them to leave you alone and told them I'd go with them, and I wouldn't fight as
long as they let you live. I would've given up anything."
"You would've sacrificed yourself for me?" he asked quietly with a serious expression on his
face. "You'd throw your life away if it meant I'd keep mine?"
"Yes," I answered with no hesitation as he wiped away more of my tears. "Wouldn't you do
the same?"
He stared at me for a moment before nodding. "You know I would."
He reached for me, trying to pull me into a hug, but it wasn't very easy with our injuries.
We both groaned and cringed from the pain, his bandaged arm making the embrace
awkward. "Your arm," I whispered, nuzzling into his chest and inhaling his comforting
scent.
"Yeah, the bone fractured when I was shot so they had to splint it," he muttered. I tensed
up and glanced up at him in shock.
"You were shot?" I asked in horror.
"Yeah, fucking James got me. It's not that serious, though," he said nonchalantly.
"How can you say that?" I asked incredulously. "He shot you! That is serious! God, what
happened to him? Where is he? He's not coming for us, is he?"
"Relax, he's dead," Edward said, eyeing me apprehensively. "Him and the rest of those
assholes."
"They're all dead?" I asked. He nodded. "And you aren't?"
He cracked a smile at my strange question, and I felt the blush come over my face as he
chuckled. "Last time I checked I wasn't," he said, running the back of his hand along my
cheek. "Christ, I fucking missed that blush."
I smiled, my blush deepening at his words. "I missed you," I whispered.
"I missed you, too. We're okay now, Bella. No matter what, we'll both be okay," he
responded. "And I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up the first time. I really fucking
wish I would've been and I hate that I wasn't."
"Where were you?" I asked curiously.
"I, uh, had an appointment I couldn't miss," he answered quietly.
"What kind of appointment?" I asked.
"That doesn't really matter right now," he said.
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, wondering what he was keeping from me. I was still
utterly confused, everything completely overwhelming. "That's the same thing your father
said," I stated. "He told me it wasn't important, that there would be time later to get into
it."
"Yeah, well, there you go," he said. "We should probably fucking listen to him."
"Since when do you listen?" I asked incredulously. He rolled his eyes playfully.
"Well, I never did before and look where that fucking got us. Maybe it's time we start, since
he seems to know what the hell he's talking about," he responded. "Sometimes, anyway.
Other times I still think he's full of shit."
I laughed at his response and he chuckled again, gently squeezing me in a hug. "I love you,"
I said.
"La mia bella ragazza," he whispered. "You know I love you, too."
We both lay quietly for a moment, just holding onto each other. I was trying to sort through
what he'd said, trying to clear the fog that seemed to have settled in my brain to make sense
of everything that had happened. My memory was still sketchy, and an odd tension started
mounting in the room as a result. It felt like something was off, like I was missing a piece of
the puzzle that Edward was intentionally keeping from me for some reason.
"Is everyone else okay?" I asked eventually. "Your family?"
"Why wouldn't they be?" he asked apprehensively.
"I don't know. I was just worried..." I started.
"Well, stop worrying," he said firmly. "You need to focus on getting better. The other shit
can come later."
"You sound like your father again," I muttered, his evasive answer doing nothing to calm
my fears.
He laughed awkwardly. "Tale il padre, tale il figlio," he mumbled. "Maybe I'm more like
him then we thought, tesoro."
"You're nothing like him," I stated. "You'll never be like him."
"I wouldn't be so sure," he responded quietly. I glanced up at him curiously, wondering

what he meant by that, but before I could speak there was a knock behind me and the door
opened. I pulled away from Edward, groaning as I turned to see Dr. Cullen walk in "Speak
of the fucking devil."
"It's not nice to talk about people," Dr. Cullen said.
"Chiparla in faccia поп e traditore," Edward said. I glanced over at him curiously,
wondering what he'd said, as Dr. Cullen laughed.
"True, son," he responded. "You've definitely never been one to hold your tongue."
"Yeah, well, isn't that part of my charm?" Edward asked.
"I wouldn't exactly call it charm," Dr. Cullen laughed. "Your mouth gets you into trouble
just as often as it gets you out of it."
"Well Isabella's never had any complaints about my mouth," Edward said playfully. I
blushed again the moment his words registered, reaching over to jab him in the ribs. My
touch was light because I was still very weak, but Edward clenched his teeth and tried to
muffle a cry anyway. I froze and eyed him hesitantly, as Dr. Cullen sighed loudly.
"He has some rib fractures that are still healing. They would probably be fine by now if he'd
learn to take it easy," Dr. Cullen explained.
"Sorry," I said quietly, feeling guilty that I'd hurt him. He rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Don't apologize. It doesn't matter," he muttered, turning his attention to his father. "Is
there something you needed?"
"I just wanted to check on Isabella before I left for the hospital," he responded, walking
over toward the bed. He grabbed my wrist to check my pulse, quickly feeling my forehead
afterward. "How are you feeling?"
"Okay," I responded. "I'm a little weak and kind of mixed up, but I feel better than I did.
I'm just really tired for some reason."
"You will be for a while. It's your body's way of healing. If you feel up for it later, I want you
to try to eat something. Clara can bring you some chicken broth," he said.
"Uh, I don't want her to. I mean, I'll can get my own, she shouldn't have to," I stammered,
not wanting to give Clara extra work because it just felt wrong.
"Nonsense, child. You are far too weak right now for that. Plus, you know as well as I do
that she'd be happy to do it for you. From what I've heard, she's been cooking for you since
you were about two feet tall," he said.
"It was different in Phoenix," I mumbled.
"How so?" he asked.
"I was just like her then," I answered. He paused what he was doing to give me a peculiar
look.
"You know, I've never heard you say that before. You may not have said the actual words,
but you just acknowledged out loud that you were free," he said. I stared at him with
surprise, realizing I had, and his lips turned up into a smile. "I think you'll be just fine,
Isabella."
"Thank you, sir," I responded quietly.
"You're welcome. I'm sure the two of you have a lot to talk about, but be sure to get some
rest today and Edward can get you something for the pain. I know he knows where the
narcotics are, because he's been popping them like candy for weeks," Dr. Cullen said as he
headed for the door. Edward groaned in annoyance and Dr. Cullen laughed, shutting the
door behind him as he left.
"He seems kind of... strange," I mumbled once he was gone.
"Yeah. He's kind of resolved these days, almost optimistic like he's got some big fucking
grand plan to save us all," Edward said.
"Do we need to be saved?" I asked curiously. Edward gave me a peculiar look, shrugging.
"Don't we always?" he asked, averting his eyes after a moment. "I don't know, it's hard to
explain and it's really fucking weird given the situation, but whatever. I'm just glad he's not
on my ass about things anymore."
"Is he working at the hospital here?" I asked with confusion. "He said he was going there."
"No, he's not working," Edward responded. "He's just going to see about something."
"What?" I asked.
"Just... something," he said, sighing loudly with annoyance. "Christ, you're full of fucking
questions. Don't worry about it, alright? It's not that big of a deal. A lot's happened, Bella."
I was becoming utterly frustrated at my confusion and he wasn't clearing anything up for
me, all of his answers only opening up more questions. I knew I was overwhelming him but
I was desperate to know what was going on. "Like what?"
"I wouldn't even know where to start," he muttered.
"How about at the beginning?" I asked exasperatedly as he eyed me, appearing as if he

were going to refuse. "Please?"
"You shouldn't be worrying about this shit right now," he said. "You just woke up. Can't you
just chill out for a day?"
"But I need to know," I argued. "I deserve to know. I can't just lie around, wondering what
happened or what's going on. I'll only worry myself sick, Edward, and then I'll never get
better."
"Fine," he muttered. "I still don't think it's a good idea, but whatever. I'm not going to fight
with you about it."
"Thank you," I responded, quietly listening to Edward as he started recounting the span of
time I'd been missing, beginning the moment he woke up in the car alongside the road. He
explained how his father had been there, describing the scene that he'd witnessed when he
opened his eyes. He seemed shocked when I confirmed I had fired his gun, pausing
momentarily as a smile graced his face.
"You got that motherfucker good, tesoro," he said, pride evident in his voice and making
me blush for what felt like the hundredth time in an hour. "I knew teaching you how to
shoot would come in handy someday. I mean, it fucking sucks that it came to that shit, but
I'm proud of you."
He continued quickly and explained what had happened in Forks, the tears starting to flow
from my eyes when he broke the news to me that Jacob had actually passed away. I asked
for details but Edward claimed to not know any, saying his father only stated he'd taken
care of the body. My mind started drifting through scenarios and my chest ached from the
knowledge that his family wouldn't get to say goodbye. I got so lost in my thoughts that
Edward's words seemed to drift into the background until he uttered a phrase that caught
me completely off guard.
"Arrested?" I gasped, repeating what he'd just said. He sighed and stood up, running his
left hand awkwardly through his messy hair.
"Yes, arrested, and for bullshit reasons at that. The feds raided with warrants for my father
and Alec, and some fucking agent with an ego problem named DiFronzo decided to throw
my ass in jail along with them," he said with annoyance. "He was a jackass. I was only there
a few days before Esme bailed me out, but that's why it took us so long to get to you. The
assholes busted in as soon as Emmett got your chip working again and fucking interrupted
us."
"I can't believe you went to jail," I mumbled in disbelief. "But is that how you found me?
You used my chip?"
He laughed dryly, clutching onto his hair as he started pacing around beside the bed. "I
wish," he said, going into a rant about microchips and GPS tracking that barely made any
sense to me. I listened quietly, watching him curiously. It was obvious he was frazzled and
on edge. I figured maybe it was just the entire situation having worn him down, but a small
part of me wondered if there was more to it that I didn't yet understand.
"So how did you find me, then?" I asked when he finished. He shot me a nervous look, his
eyes full of concern.
"They were in jail, Bella. I knew it would be another week until they could get out, if they
were even getting out at all. I didn't know if you had that long to wait and I couldn't just sit
around and do nothing. I had to fucking do something, anything. I had to do whatever it
took to find you, and that's exactly what I did," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I did
what I had to do."
"What did you do?" I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously at his cryptic words. My heart
started pounding furiously at his tortured expression, and I immediately knew he'd done
something bad. He was afraid to tell me whatever it was, obviously worried about how I'd
react to it. My mind started to frantically run through scenarios, as I thought of the worst
possible situations he could've gotten himself into and nearly lost my breath. "Whatever it
is, I'll understand. Just tell me what you did."
"It doesn't really matter," he said, shaking his head.
"It does matter," I said firmly, not understanding why he wasn't telling me whatever it was.
"Why do you keep saying things don't matter? Why are you keeping things from me?"
"Because there are some things you just shouldn't fucking know right now," he spat.
"Why?" I asked. "I don't understand. We aren't supposed to keep secrets from each other.
You said we'd tell each other everything..."
"Like you fucking told me everything?" he snapped. "I sure as hell don't recall you telling
me you'd been talking to Jacob behind my back, Isabella."
I gasped, stunned, as the tears pooled in my eyes. "I can't believe you'd say that," I said
defensively, his words stinging.
"Fuck, I'm sorry," he said right away. "I shouldn't have said that shit. I didn't mean it. It's
just, there's some shit I can't tell you. Some things I won't be able to tell you. Fuck, it's shit
you won't want to know. And I know that doesn't fucking make sense right now, but I don't
want you to worry about it."
"How can I not worry, Edward?" I asked. "I don't understand what you're saying. What
can't you tell me?"
He opened his mouth and started to respond, but the sound of his phone ringing silenced
him before he could. He groaned and pulled it out of his pocket, tensing up as he glanced
down at it. He shot me a nervous look as he answered, clearing his throat. "Yes, sir?" My
brow furrowed in confusion at his tone, his demeanor instantly shifting to one of a calm
hesitance. "But I don't... Can't I... Yes, fine. I get it. I'll be there, sir."
He sighed exasperatedly as he hung up, frowning as he gazed at me. "Who was that?" I
asked. He shook his head, starting to tell me it didn't matter, but I cut him off right away.
"It does matter! Who was on the phone?"
He walked over to the bed and sat back down beside me, reaching over and taking my
hand. His fingers laced with mine and he pulled my hand up, lightly placing a kiss on the
back of it that sent chills up my arm. "I love you," he said quietly. "And you know that I'd
do anything for you. I'd give up anything for you. Nothing is more important than you,
tesoro. I'd give my fucking life for you."
"You're scaring me, Edward," I said, my voice shaking. I could see unshed tears welling up
in his eyes, the sight of them frightening me. Something was definitely not right.
"Don't be scared," he responded. "Fuck, the last thing I want is for you to be scared. I was
desperate, Bella. I had to fucking find you. I wasn't lying when I said I couldn't live if you
died. I needed to know you were alive. I needed to see you, and now that you're safe I just
can't regret it. It fucking sucks, and I know it's not what any of us wanted, but seeing you
here, I know it was worth it."
"You're not making sense," I said.
"I'm not surprised," he muttered, letting go of my hand as he glanced at his watch. "I have
to go in a few minutes."
"Go?" I asked with disbelief.
"Yes, go. I shouldn't be gone long," he said. "Maybe when I get back we'll talk about this
some more."
"No! I want to know now," I yelled, my emotions getting the best of me.
"I don't have time for this right now," he said, frustrated. "I can't be late."
"You can't be late for what? Tell me what you did, Edward!" I demanded, tears of
desperation falling from my eyes.
"I went to Aro, alright?" he spat. "Is that what you fucking want to know? The moment I
was out, I went straight to Aro."
I stared at him in shock. "What do you mean you went to him?" I asked, knowing the
answer before the question even rolled from my lips.
"It means I swore the oath. I fucking joined, okay?" he responded, confirming my fear. I
started shaking my head frantically as I sat up, crying out from the pain that rocked my
body at my sudden movement. "Shit, lay back down! Relax before you fucking hurt
yourself."
He reached out to touch me but I pushed his hand away, devastated by his news. "No! You
have to take it back," I cried, my eyes burning from the tears.
"I can't," he said. "It's done, Bella. There's no taking that shit back."
"There has to be," I retorted, not wanting to believe it. "You can't do that! That's not you!
You can't be like them, Edward!"
"I am now," he said.
"No!" I snapped. "You're not\ You can't do those things they do. You can't be that kind of
person!"
"Do you think I want to be that person? Do you think I want to do those things? Of course
I fucking don't!" he spat back.
"Then why'd you do it? Why would you ever join them, Edward?" I asked desperately.
"How could you agree to that? After everything we've been through, everything we talked
about, how could you do that?"
"I didn't see any other choice, Isabella. I did the only thing I could do. I needed to fucking
find you and I had no one else to turn to, and it was the only way he'd give me any help at
all. Christ, I didn't even know where to fucking start! If it weren't for Royce, I wouldn't have
even known the damn Russian's names," he tried to explain. "You were almost fucking
dead when we found you, Isabella. If I wouldn't have done this, you probably would've
died! And can you honestly hold that shit against me when you just said you tried to do the
same fucking thing for me after the accident?"
"It's not the same," I said, wiping my eyes as I tried to control my sobs.
"How isn't it? You begged those assholes to take you and leave me alone, trying to protect
me. You so easily turn your life over in exchange for mine but you can't understand how the
fuck I could do it for you? I get it if you're upset, I'm fucking upset too. But it's done, and
there's no changing it. I'm in, and there's no way out," he said, pausing briefly. "Not alive,
anyway."
I stared at him as the words hit me, completely overwhelmed by all of it. He stared back
imploringly, his eyes begging me to understand but I just couldn't in the moment. I averted
my gaze, unable to take the way he was looking at me, and he reached over to wipe the
tears from my cheeks. His touch was gentle and should've been comforting, but it wasn't
strong enough to extinguish my pain.
"It's going to be okay, Bella," he said quietly as I lay back down on the bed, hesitating as he
glanced as his watch again before lying down beside me. "Nothing's changed."
I closed my eyes at his words, my heart aching to believe them. I wanted nothing more than
for everything to remain the same, for us to go on just as we planned as if none of it
happened, but I wasn't naive. I knew for a fact that everything was different and there
would be no going back. I clearly recalled Dr. Cullen's words that day in the hospital, his
own desperation to keep Edward as far away from the lifestyle as possible. It was a life of
crime, a world of violence where danger constantly knocked on the door and tried to force
its way in. It was a world that turned men cold and cynical, forcing them to do unspeakable
things that I couldn't even begin to fathom. It was a world that we'd tried to escape, but one
that had sucked us in anyway.
It definitely wasn't the world I'd envisioned for our future.
"What else happened?" I asked quietly before he could say anything else to attempt to
convince me that nothing had changed. I could tell by the tone of his voice that even he
didn't believe it. He hesitated before starting in on some of the events following his
initiation, but the words barely registered as I lay with my eyes closed. All I could think
about were our plans, my stomach sinking as they slowly started slipping away. Running
off to California, Edward playing football while I studied art—all of it a distant dream that
would never be realized. Getting married and starting a family-the mere concept of it
tainted by the reality of our situation. I wasn't sure what was even possible anymore, where
we could go or what we could do. Would he be allowed to go to school, I wondered? Would
we be allowed to travel? Could we seriously bring children into the world we would be
forced to live in?
More importantly, what would happen to Edward? Could he truly live that life and be the
same person I loved? Could he do those things without them changing him into someone
else, someone darker? Could someone do bad things, but not be a bad person? Alec and
Carlisle had put their lives on the line to rescue me, had sacrificed everything to free me...
were they bad people just because they lived that lifestyle? And how was I going to live my
life, knowing the man I loved possibly murdered and stole from others for senseless
reasons? Could I forgive him for the pain he was going to potentially cause? After being
brutalized my entire life, bought and sold within that organization, how could I just accept
him becoming one of them? How in the world did Elizabeth do it?
As I lay there, it felt as if my freedom was slipping away. Everything I'd hoped for was in
jeopardy, the world my mother had dreamed I'd one day find fading from my grasp
because of those words he'd spoken. What did it mean to be free, anyway? I was afraid I'd
never have the chance to ever really understand.
Eventually, Edward got up and said he needed to go, telling me we'd finish talking when he
returned. I merely nodded and watched him as he swiftly left the room, hearing his
footsteps as he rushed down the stairs.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, the next one coming quickly. I stayed in bed and
Edward remained by my side as much as possible, occasionally trying to strike up
conversation but mostly remaining quiet. He didn't tell me any more of what had happened
and I didn't ask, a part of me afraid to know because I didn't want things getting even
worse between us. He seemed just as deep in thought as I was, his face lined with worry.
He'd pull me into his arms and stroke my hair, every now and then giving me a curious
look that made me wonder if somehow he knew what I was thinking.
I finally got out of bed around sunset, my legs weak and wobbly. I walked over to a chair
across the room beside the large window, sitting down in it and gazing at the outside world
for the first time in a while. I was surprised to see little kids wandering the street, dressed
in costumes, and realized that it had to be Halloween. I watched them curiously for a while
as they stopped at the house across the street for candy, an odd sense of longing brewing
inside of me. They were all so young and carefree, no responsibilities or unnecessary
weight on their shoulders. They were ignorant to the dangers that brewed even a few feet
away from them, totally oblivious to everything outside of their five-year-old worlds. When
I was their age, I had been abused and tormented by a real life monster, while they only
had to fear the imaginary ones they thought lurked in their closets - I had never known that
type of innocence and it was probably what I longed for most at that moment.
"Hey," a voice rang out, startling me. I flinched and turned my head quickly, stunned to see
Emmett standing in the doorway to the room. It was the first time I'd seen him, his
presence bringing a smile to my face. He smiled in response and walked forward, reaching
into his pocket and pulling out a small orange lollipop. He held it out to me and I took it
hesitantly, hearing Edward groan from his spot on the bed behind me.
"She can barely keep soup down and you're giving her fucking candy?" he asked. Emmett
rolled his eyes, looking over at his brother.
"When the hell did you become her father?" he retorted, pulling out another lollipop. He
pulled off the wrapper and popped it in his mouth as he shook his head. "Let the girl have a
damn lollipop. It won't kill her."
I pulled the paper off of my lollipop and stuck it in my mouth, sucking on it. "Whatever,"
Edward muttered, standing up. "I'll go get her something hot to eat."
"Yeah, you do that, Betty Crocker," Emmett quipped as Edward walked out. I heard him
yell something in Italian back, Emmett laughing in response. "That boy needs to chill out
before he bursts a blood vessel or something."
"He's just trying to help," I responded. "Give him a break. He's stressed."
"Yeah, I know he is. That's no excuse to deny a girl candy on Halloween, though," he said.
"Thank you for it," I said. "I didn't even realize it was Halloween until I saw the trick-or-
treaters."
"You're probably still trying to adjust to the time shift. I imagine it's not easy to lose a
month," he said, sitting down on the arm of the chair beside me. "So how are you holding
up, Izzy Bizzy? It's really fucking good to see you, girl. I've been worried but Rosie made me
promise to leave you alone."
"I'm good," I answered. He glanced down with disbelief, cocking an eyebrow at me,
obviously not believing my words. "I'm, uh... alive. That's a lot more than I can say for
some."
"Jake," he said quietly. "It's a shame. He was a good friend; I'll miss the hell out of him. He
always had a joke for anyone that would listen."
"He did. I've been thinking about, uh..." I hesitated as tears started forming, guilt eating
away at me.
"Thinking about what?" he asked curiously. I shook my head, telling him to forget it, but he
wasn't allowing it. "You can talk to me, you know. I'm a pretty good listener."
I sighed, shrugging. "It's probably really stupid, but I can't stop thinking about the last joke
he told me. He was telling me one when he was... uh... shot, but he never got to say the
answer. And like I said, it's stupid, but I keep thinking about it for some reason."
"What was the joke?" he asked.
"What's black and white and red all over?" I asked.
He laughed, shaking his head. "Classic Jacob. That was his favorite joke, kitten. He'd give a
different bullshit answer every time he told it, like a penguin with sunburn or a zebra with
chicken pox. The real answer is a newspaper, though. It's black and white, and read all
over."
"Oh," I said, laughing softly.
"Yeah, and it's not stupid to wonder, so don't worry," he said, patting my head gently. "It's
nice to see you're up and moving around. Everyone's been worried. I really believe
everything's going to be alright, Izzy Bizzy."
"I wish I was as sure," I said quietly.
"Look, I know what my brother did is pretty shitty, but I get his reasoning and I can't really
blame him for it. If I was in his shoes and Rosalie was missing, I probably would've done
the same thing he did, and I know you would, too. I dare you to tell me you wouldn't," he
said, glancing at me with a serious expression on his face. I just looked at him, unable to
argue because it was true. I would've given myself over without a second thought if I
believed it was the only way to spare his life. "That's what I thought. So maybe I'm not the
only one who needs to give Edward a break here. I'm sure somehow you guys will figure
things out, and it won't be some ideal fairy tale bullshit, but when is life ever? Especially for
the two of you."
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"Anyway, Rosie's waiting for me downstairs so I should go," he said, standing up. He
turned around and froze, clearing his throat. "Damn, that was quick. You're a regular ol'
Martha Stewart these days."
"I didn't fucking make it, motherfucker," Edward said, walking forward and handing me a
bowl of vegetable soup. "Clara cooked it. I just poured it in the goddamn bowl."
"Well, you did a damn fine job at that," Emmett said sarcastically.
"Thanks, asshole," Edward responded, feigning annoyance but an amused smile formed on
his lips. "Don't you have something better to do? It's Halloween, for Christ's sake."
"Hey, that reminds me! Isn't today the anniversary of the first time you two made out?"
Emmett asked, glancing back over at me. My eyes widened in surprised at the realization
and I nodded hesitantly.
"Uh, yes, I guess. It was when I kissed him," I said.
"Yeah, I still can't believe Izzy Bizzy made the first move," Emmett said, turning to look at
Edward. "You're such a pussy sometimes, bro."
"Fuck you," Edward spat as Emmett started laughing.
"I bet you're regretting that decision now, aren't you, kitten?" Emmett asked playfully. I
blushed and shook my head, glancing over at Edward. He was eyeing me intently, a solemn
"Never," I said. "I'll never regret it." His face lit up instantly at my words and I immediately
felt ashamed for my thoughts. I was still hurt by what he'd done, unsure of what it meant
for the future and how it would affect our lives, but one thing Edward had never done was
give up on me. I was doubting him when he'd never once doubted me, but the fact of the
matter was I was frightened. I worried for Edward and didn't want him to have to live his
life that way, guilt eating away at me because he'd done it for me. I was mourning a life that
I felt I was losing, but it was a life I would've never even dreamed of having if he hadn't
fought for me in the first place. He'd sacrificed for me, his world irrevocably altered for the
worse to give me a fighting chance. Edward deserved a real life outside of the violence he'd
been raised in...
How would I ever forgive myself for being the reason he was stuck there forever?
"That's good to know," Emmett said. "I'll see you two later."
He walked out and I sighed, sitting my bowl of soup down on the small table beside the
chair. I got up, wincing from the pain in my legs, and Edward rushed forward when he saw
what I was doing. I held my hand up quickly to stop him, walking a few steps on my own to
where he stood. He was eyeing me cautiously, obviously wondering what I was up to, but I
just smiled as I wrapped my arms around him.
"I love you, Edward Cullen," I whispered as I nuzzled into his chest. My shoulder throbbed
from where it had been dislocated and my knees felt as if they were going to give out on me,
but I held onto him tightly and tried to ignore it all. He hugged me back after a second,
pulling me closer to him and leaning his head down to rest on top of mine. His embrace
was warm and comforting, my smile growing because despite everything, I still felt safest in
his arms.
"You know I love you, too," he said.
"I know," I mumbled, pulling back to glance up at him. He gazed into my eyes for a
moment before licking his lips, leaning down slowly toward me. My heart started pounding
erratically and I got lightheaded as I closed my eyes, his lips pressing against mine softly.
He kissed me tenderly, his tongue gently mingling with mine. It was so comfortable and
familiar but the butterflies soared in my stomach anyway, my knees giving out on me as I
lost my breath. He broke from the kiss and grabbed a hold of me before I collapsed, giving
me a concerned look.
"You should sit down," he said seriously. I nodded and he helped me back over to the chair,
grabbing the bowl of soup and handing it to me. I thanked him quietly as I started eating,
gazing back out at the world.
Three days later Edward was called away again in the morning, hesitantly departing after
making me promise I'd take it easy while he was gone. Dr. Cullen had already checked in
on me, as he did every morning, and I was left on my own for a while. I'd been walking for a
few days and on a whim decided to attempt to venture out of the room, clutching onto the
rail as I slowly descended the stairs. I hadn't exactly thought it through, however, and
about halfway down my legs started giving out on me. I sat down on the step, weak and
exhausted, and heard a gasp a second later when the front door below opened. I glanced
down, coming eye-to-eye with Esme, who stood in the doorway with a stunned expression
on her face. It was the first time I'd seen her or even heard her since I'd been there, and she
looked quite different from how I recalled. She appeared exhausted, as if she hadn't slept in
months, and she'd lost a bit of weight. Her clothes were somewhat disheveled as if she'd
been sleeping in them, and I wondered if she'd been out all night.
"What in the world are you doing out of bed?" she asked, closing the door and rushing up
the stairs toward me.
"Change of scenery," I mumbled, not entirely sure how to answer the question. She shook
her head and pulled me to my feet, helping me the rest of the way down the stairs. She led
me into the living room, bringing me over to the couch so I could sit down.
"It is much, much too soon for you to be trying to navigate stairs on your own," she said,
her tone almost scolding. "Where is Edward? I'm going to rip that boy a new one. How
could he let you do that?"
"He left," I said. "Got a call."
"Oh," she said quietly, her disposition instantly shifting and telling me that she knew
exactly what that meant. "Well, he should've called me. I would've come home to look after
you."
"I don't need to be looked after," I mumbled. "I'm fine."
"No, you're not. You still have a lot of healing to do and shouldn't be alone right now, at
least not until you're completely off of the pain killers," she said. "It's a good thing I came
home to shower and change when I did."
"Were you out all night?" I asked curiously. She sighed and nodded.
"I stay with Alec almost every night. When I can get away with it, anyway," she responded.
My brow furrowed in confusion at her words.
"With Alec?" I asked.
"Yes, at the hospital," she answered. "They're pretty accommodating, thankfully."
"He's in the hospital?" I asked in horror, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "What...
Why?"
She glanced at me with surprise, frowning as she took a seat beside me. "I can't believe
neither one of them have told you," she said quietly, reaching over and taking my hand.
I watched her apprehensively, seeing the sadness in her eyes. "Alec was injured when they
went to rescue you. He was shot a few times and has been in the hospital."
"Is he... I mean, he'll be okay, won't he?" I asked, feeling sick. "He has to be okay."
"Oh, he will be, with time," she said quickly. "He's getting better slowly. He still isn't awake
but I have faith he will be soon, and will be back home before we know it. But you shouldn't
worry about him right now. He's strong. How are you? I know it must be hard dealing with
everything at once, healing physically on top of trying to deal emotionally."
"Yeah, it isn't easy," I said. "I'm doing my best."
"Well, that's all we can all really do, isn't it? Our best?" she said with a smile. "But you're
strong so I have no doubt you'll be fine, too. If you ever need someone to talk to about
things, I'm here."
The front door opened and I glanced over, watching as Edward headed for the stairs. Esme
called his name and he turned to look in our direction, freezing when he saw me. "What are
you doing down here?"
I shrugged and Esme laughed. "She's tired of being cooped up in that bedroom, Edward.
Can you blame the girl? Anyway, how about some lunch? Clara has the morning to herself,
so I'll whip something up for you," she said, standing up and heading for the kitchen before
we could respond. Edward walked over toward me, running his hand nervously through his
hair as he sat down. He eyed me curiously, frowning.
"She told you, didn't she?" he muttered. I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me," I said quietly.
"I didn't know how to. You've got enough shit to deal with, how could I add Alec to it?" he
said. "It's not like you could've done anything."
"You still should've told me," I mumbled.
Esme returned after a few minutes with soup for me and a sandwich for Edward, leaving us
to eat quietly before he helped me back upstairs.
Time continued to pass quickly, days turning into a weeks. I grew stronger, my injuries
starting to heal as my body came back around, but mentally I was still struggling to wrap
my head around everything that had happened. I spent most days resting, but was
eventually able to venture outside with Edward once I felt strong enough. He held my hand
one afternoon as we strolled down the street, pointing out different things from his
childhood. We were about a block away from Esme's house when my legs grew tired, the
two of us coming to a stop in front of a large white house. Edward walked over and sat
down on the front step, motioning for me to sit beside him.
"I don't think you should just sit down on someone's steps like that, Edward," I said. "They
might get angry."
He chuckled. "This is our house, tesoro," he said. My brow furrowed as he patted the spot
beside him, and I hesitantly walked over to sit down. "This is where I grew up. My mother
fucking loved this house, took pride in it. It's been sitting here empty ever since we left."
"It's nice," I said, glancing behind us at the worn front door. It had obviously been
neglected for a while and was in need of a fresh coat of paint.
"Yeah, it is," he said. We were both quiet for a moment, deep in thought.
"What are we going to do, Edward?" I asked eventually. "I mean, what happens now?"
"We go back to Washington," he said. "Aro's going to give me time to work through some
things before he expects me to locate here permanently. Other than that, I don't know,
Bella. I guess we just figure it out as we go."
And that was exactly what we did. A few days later Dr. Cullen rented a car and the three of
us said goodbye to Esme as we started the long trip back to Forks. I wasn't sure why they
chose not to fly, but I didn't question the decision. I slept a lot of the trip sprawled out in
the back seat, the two of them taking turns driving. We stopped so frequently for rest and
food that it took a few days before we saw the 'Welcome to Washington' sign, an odd
sensation coming over me when finally pulled up to the house in Forks. I got out of the car
and paused, glancing around as I tried to pinpoint how I was feeling. It wasn't hurt or
heartache, although I could practically feel it within my chest, and it wasn't until Edward
mumbled two simple words that it struck me.
"Welcome home," he said. My lips curved up slightly at the sound of it.
"Home," I whispered. For the first time in my life, something truly felt like home to me,
and I knew right away it was because of the boy standing a few feet from me. It was the
place we'd come together, where I'd found not only something worth living for, but also
something worth dying for.
It was where we'd found love.
Settling back in wasn't easy, a strange tension lingering in the house around us. I healed
physically but once Dr. Cullen started weaning me off of the pain killers, the real torture
started. Memories haunted my dreams and continued to torture me during my waking
hours. Brief flashes of faces, horrific screams and scathing words were constantly eating
away at me, the worst part being that I wasn't even sure if they were real. I couldn't stop
thinking about it all and it started consuming me, weighing me down as I tried to sort it
out. I was so baffled, afraid to tell Edward about it not because of how he'd react, but
because I didn't know if any of it was true. Had I dreamed it all up in my comatose state, or
had they really been there? Would he think I was crazy?
The more I remembered, the more agonizing it became. I started scribbling in a notebook
again, desperate to get it all out of my mind, and sketched pictures hoping the images
would stop nagging at me. I kept it from Edward, hiding the notebook under the bed so he
wouldn't read it and worry. He had enough to deal with on his own, and I hoped with time
it would stop.
Edward never returned to school, but I was so locked in my own mind that I didn't even
question him on it. He was distracted himself, nightmares plaguing his sleep just as they
did mine. He'd sneak out of bed at night to play piano and sometimes I'd quietly follow,
listening to the haunting eerie melody as he played it repeatedly for hours. Always the same
song, the one he'd played constantly when I first arrived that reminded him of his mother.
He'd have whispered conversations over the telephone, forcing smiles when I looked at him
but no matter how he tried to hide it, I could see his sadness. He was trying to pretend
everything was fine but I knew him too well and he couldn't fool me. He was slipping away,
reverting back to the broken boy I'd once saved by just loving him. It hurt to see his pain
but I wasn't sure what to do, because the truth was that I was slipping just as much as he
was.
Love had saved us both before, but I was starting to wonder if it was enough anymore.
Time passed in a blur as we tried to come to terms with where our lives were going. It was a
few days before Christmas when Dr. Cullen walked into the kitchen where I was making
lunch and cleared his throat. "When you get a minute, can I see you in my office?" he
asked. I nodded hesitantly, nervous as to what he'd want to see me for. Edward had gone to
finish his Christmas shopping so it was just the two of us at the house. I cleaned up the
kitchen slowly, my appetite suddenly gone, so I didn't even bother to eat. Dr. Cullen and I
hadn't spoken much since returning beside basic pleasantries here and there, the concept
of having a whole conversation with him daunting. I headed up to his office after a moment
and knocked softly, opening the door when he told me to enter.
"Have a seat," he said, nodding his head toward the chair across from him. I walked over
and sat down hesitantly, eyeing him curiously. "So, how are you doing?"
"I'm fine, sir," I said.
"Are you really?" he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "You don't seem very fine,
Isabella."
I stared at him for a moment, unsure of how to respond to that. "I'm dealing," I said.
"Are you remembering things?" he asked curiously. I nodded, afraid of what he was getting
at because I wasn't prepared to talk about what I'd gone through.
"Some things," I responded hesitantly. "I'm not sure how much of it to believe, though. I
hallucinated a lot."
"That's understandable," he said. "I'm not going to press you for details, because it's not my
place, but I want you to know if you have any questions about anything you think you
might've heard, I'd be happy to answer them for you."
I stared at him for a moment, debating his offer. There were some things I was afraid to
mention, unsure if I should ever utter them out loud regardless of if they were true or not,
but there were other things that I was genuinely curious about. I sighed after a moment,
biting my lip nervously. "Am I really a, um, princa—" I started.
"Principessa?" he asked. I nodded and he leaned back in his chair, giving me an interested
look. "Yes, you are. Your mother was the daughter of a powerful man. He was killed when
she was an infant and she as presumed dead also, but clearly that wasn't the case. The
Swans were aware of her heritage and my wife got too close to the truth for their comfort,
which was why she was murdered."
"Because of me," I mumbled, feeling the tears forming but trying to push them back so not
to cry in front of him. The guilt I still felt over her death was immense.
"No, not because of you," he responded, his tone serious. "I won't lie to you, Isabella. I once
blamed you, and it took me a long time to see that my anger was unfounded. You were a
child when she died and it's absurd to blame a seven year old for the death of a woman who
was murdered over a thousand miles away from her. There are a few people I could blame
for what happened, myself included, but you aren't one of them. I wish I would've realized
that sooner, because it could've saved both of us a lot of hurt."
I stared at him with surprise, caught off guard by his words, and he continued after a brief
pause. "The day we found you in the warehouse in Chicago was October twelfth. I was so
caught up in everything that it wasn't until the next day that it dawned on me what the date
had been. Do you know what October twelfth is, Isabella?"
I shook my head hesitantly. "I'm not sure, sir."
"October twelfth is when my wife died. It's the worst day of the year for me, because I get so
lost in my anger over her death that I lose my grip on reality. All that ever matters to me
that day is getting revenge for what happened, trying to make someone pay for what I'd
lost," he said. "Last year it was you. You were here and I was angry, and because I already
blamed you, Isabella, you didn't stand a chance. It didn't matter what you would've done
that day, I would've gotten you, because the fact of the matter was that it wasn't about you.
It was about me. I needed someone to hurt as I hurt and you were the perfect target."
A chill shot down my spine as he stared at me, my heart pounding furiously at the memory
of what had happened. "I know that sounds like a ridiculous excuse, but it's the truth. You
did nothing wrong and didn't deserve what I did to you, and I want you to know that I've
never hated you. I irrationally blamed you and that was wrong of me, but I couldn't hate
you, because truthfully Isabella, I never really knew you. And I didn't want to know you,
because I was afraid if I did know you, I would grow to care for you just as my wife had.
"Elizabeth was a good judge of character," he continued after a moment. "She would often
get feelings about people and tell me that they were brought into her life for a reason. She
had one of those feelings about you. In fact, my wife fell in love with you the moment she
laid eyes on you, and continued to love you until the day she died. Part of me knew that if
my wife felt so passionately about someone, I had no chance because there was no way I
couldn't love what she loved. That's how deep she and I were connected. I fought that with
you, Isabella, because I didn't want to care about you. I wanted to blame you. I wanted to
hate you. But I never did, because the moment I allowed myself to truly know you, I was
done for."
His words stunned me and I sat quietly, gaping at him. "I didn't realize it until recently.
You see, nine years in a row I spent October twelfth in a rage, wanting to punish you for
what happened to my wife. This year, however, all I could think about was rescuing you,
which is what had led to her death in the first place. It's quite ironic, and once that fact
dawned on me, I realized I'd done exactly what Elizabeth had told me I'd someday do. I
wanted to believe I had wanted to find you just because it was what my wife would've
wanted, or because it was what Edward needed, when the real truth was that it was because
you simply deserved it. I wasn't rescuing you because they cared for you, Isabella; I realized
I was doing it because I did.
"I'm probably talking in circles, and I'm not sure if you even believe me, but I want you to
know that I've grown to see you as one of my own, just as Elizabeth always said I would. I
want you to find happiness in life, not because of what my family or I have sacrificed for
you, but because you truly deserve happiness. And as for what I did to you last year, I don't
expect you to ever forgive me, but I need you to know that I am sorry for it. If I could take it
back I would, but unfortunately life doesn't come with erasers," he said. "If it did, there
would be a lot I'd wipe away."
I started to speak but he held his hand up to stop me. "Let me get this out first, and then I'll
finish answering any questions you may have," he said. "Although I had reasoning behind
everything I did, I realize I went about things the wrong way. I should've been honest with
you from the get-go and I should've never threatened you as I did. I don't expect you to like
me, Isabella, but I hope that someday you can understand that I meant well. I don't know
what you're going to do with your life from here on out, but I just want you to know that
I'm glad you have the opportunity to do something with it. I'm glad you have a chance to
live, because saving you has been worth it."
He smiled softly as a tear slid down my cheek, a lump forming in my throat as I tried to
fight back my emotions --1 never imagined I'd hear him apologize, let alone everything else
he'd just said. He gazed at me for a moment before pushing his chair back, standing up and
walking over toward me. I watched him hesitantly as he paused beside me, reaching down
and pulling his pant leg up. I glanced down and my brow furrowed in confusion when I saw
he had something black wrapped around his ankle tightly with a small square box on the
side of it with a red light. "Do you know what this is?" he asked.
"Uh, no," I mumbled as he walked back over to his desk, sitting back down. He sighed and
nodded.
"It's a GPS monitoring device. A stipulation of my bail was that I had to wear it," he said,
my eyes widening with shock. He saw my expression and laughed. "Yes. Ironic, isn't it? You
don't really know what it's like to have your every move watched until it happens to you.
You see, somewhere there's a man sitting behind a laptop with a software program opened
in front of him, looking to see where I am to ensure that I'm not trying to run away. Sound
familiar?"
I nodded. "Yes, it does," I said, recalling the day in the hospital when he'd showed me the
monitoring program and explained how GPS worked to me.
"I had my reasons for chipping you, Isabella, but that doesn't mean what I did was right.
Instead of using it to protect you, I used it to control you, and for that I'm also very sorry. I
called in one last favor with a colleague of mine and made an appointment for next week
for you. I may be stuck with my monitoring device, but that doesn't mean I can't have yours
removed," he said.
"Really?" I asked with shock. He nodded.
"Yes. You're a free woman now," he responded.
"Thank you," I said quietly. He smiled.
"You're welcome, but your gratitude is undeserved. I'm only fixing my mistakes at this
point, righting the wrongs that should have been done a long time ago. Anyway, do you
have any questions?" he asked.
"I, uh... I don't think so," I responded, unable to even think clearly enough to form a
question. Tears were slipping down my cheek, sobs threatening to escape as I fought to
maintain my composure.
"Well if you think of any, don't hesitate to ask," he said. "Oh, one more thing before you go.
I want to give this to you before our guests start arriving."
"Guests?" I asked, unsure of what he was referring to. He smiled and nodded.
"Yes, guests. Jasper and Emmett are both coming home, and of course Rosalie and Alice
will be here as well, because they are just as much family as the rest. Esme and Alec will
also be flying in," he responded.
"Alec?" I asked with shock. "He's out of the hospital?"
"Yes. He was discharged a couple weeks ago, good as new," he responded with a smile. "It
could very well be my last Christmas with my family, so I'm glad we'll all be together."
I gazed at him curiously, that sinking feeling returning to the pit of my stomach. "So you
think you'll be going to prison?" I asked hesitantly.
"I'm quite sure they'll get me one way or another," he said. I nodded so he knew I heard,
unsure of what to say or even how to feel about that. He cleared his throat and opened the
top drawer of his desk, pulling out a familiar brown leather bound book and sitting it down
in front of me. "My wife's journal-Edward gave it to me a few months ago when he
discovered you had it, but I think you should keep it."
"Me?" I asked with shock.
"Yes, you. I think Elizabeth would've preferred you to have it, and I think you might find
some of it useful going forward. She wrote a lot about adjusting to life after slavery and her
conflicting feelings about the world I belonged to. It might help you," he said.
"Uh, thank you," I mumbled, picking the book up cautiously.
"You're welcome, but once again, the gratitude is unnecessary. I'm just trying to do what's
right," he responded. "Anyway, that's all I needed to say. Have a good day, dolcezza."
I nodded and stood up, heading for the door. I hesitated when I reached it, turning back
around to face him. He glanced over at me curiously, obviously wondering what I was
doing.
"Not long after I got here, you asked me not to call you Master. You said it made you feel
like I put you on the same level as my father, but I told you that I didn't think you were like
him," I said nervously. "I didn't believe it then. I only said it because I knew that was what I
should say. You did feel like a master to me. But I just want you to know that I do believe it
now. Charles Swan was a horrible man, and despite everything you may have done, you've
been more of a father to me than he ever was. I want you to know that I do forgive you for
hurting me, because you've always helped me... more than anyone else. You're a good man,
Carlisle."
I turned back around and wiped my tears away, hearing a whispered "Thank you", but I
didn't respond because it felt like there was nothing left to say at the moment. I headed up
to the bedroom and crawled into bed, snuggling up with Edward's pillow as I gazed at
Elizabeth Cullen's journal. I opened it after a moment, turning to the first page and taking a
deep breath as I started to read.
'Today is my first day as a free woman....'
*****
Chi parla in faccia non è traditore = He who says it to your face isn't a traitor
Chapter 73 Searching
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are
feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such
moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our
ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
-- M. Scott Peck
If someone would have asked me the year before how I felt about my father's lifestyle, I
probably would've given them some bullshit cliché answer about money, power and
respect.
It has been estimated that the Borgata in Chicago pulls in at least $100 million a year
through its activities, and with around three hundred made men a person would think
there would be plenty to go around, but that's not how it worked. As the Boss sat
comfortably, pointing fingers and calling the shots in his twelve million dollar mansion
while eating fucking calamari and caviar every night, the people on the bottom actually
carrying out the shit were often scraping together change for seventy-nine cent burritos
from Taco Bell to feed their goddamn families. They were risking their lives and giving up
their freedom for people who just stood back and watched while they starved, not giving a
shit what happened to them as long as they handed over a big cut of their take.
They called that shit paying tribute, or honoring your elders. If a group of ten guys
hijacked a shipment worth around fifty thousand dollars, right off of the top over half of it
went into the pockets of the capos and administration. After giving the associates that
helped their cut, paying off anyone that needed to be paid off and investing back into the
organization, each man was left with about enough to pay his fucking rent and take his wife
or goomah to Olive Garden for a night so they could pretend to be able to afford that shit.
A taste, they called it. Everyone always wanted a fucking taste, even if they had nothing to
do with the goddamn job. They claimed, as a family, that we all worked as one and had to
look out for each other at the end of the day. They said it was a matter of respect and
honor... but as far as I was concerned, it was all fucking bullshit.
The men at the bottom were overlooked and ignored, completely replaceable in the eyes of
those running shit. One fuck up and they were gone, a fresh faced motherfucker in their
place within a matter of hours. His body wouldn't even be cold yet and he'd be long
forgotten, like he hadn't even existed in the first place.
Some fucking family...
I didn't care about the money, personally. I had enough in my bank account to sustain me
for life, and I suspected that was part of the reason Aro wanted me in the first place. He
didn't have to worry about me skimming money or sneaking more than my share out of
desperation, and I sure as hell had no reason to plan deals off the record or try to cut him
out for a leg up. I didn't need their goddamn money like most of the other guys. He figured
I cared more for the power and respect, believing he could use that to his advantage in
order to manipulate me into remaining loyal to him.
The problem was, I couldn't fucking fathom that anymore, either.
Where was the respect in being called out of bed at three in the morning to watch a man
who owned a local pizzeria get his head bashed in because he borrowed money that he
couldn't afford to pay back? Where was the respect in burning some man's house down,
taking away everything he had worked his entire life to obtain and leaving his family
homeless, simply because he gave the Boss a look that he didn't appreciate? Where was the
respect in intimidating a seventeen year old girl, threatening to kill everyone she loved and
destroy her life, because she had been at the wrong place at the wrong time and witnessed
something she shouldn't have seen?
Assault, extortion, drugs, hijacking, kidnapping, robbery, bribery, gambling, chop shops,
prostitution, corruption, arson, coercion, fraud, bootlegging, human trafficking and
murder... where was the respect in any of it?
I sure didn't fucking see it... and that sure as fuck wasn't the kind of goddamn power I
wanted.
What I did see was a bunch of selfish, cruel bastards who only cared for themselves, willing
to annihilate anyone who crossed their path or dared get in their way as they slaughtered
and lied their way to the top. They were cowards, pretending to be strong when they were
actually so fucking weak they had to hide behind their titles and use threats to get their
way. They claimed to care about women and innocents, saying both were left alone, but
that was a little hard to believe considering they'd fucking enslaved ones that I personally
loved. They demanded respect, but they respected no one in return, and their power only
existed in people's minds because of fear. It was no wonder to me why Alec was always cold
and my father was so worn down-a few weeks in and I was already jaded.
After I initiated, I spent every waking hour looking for Isabella. Royce helped when he
could, but had men under him that he needed to monitor. It was fucked up that he was the
one forced to help me, given that it was partially his fault things had gone how they did. He
had been ignoring his duties while his men planned and executed the kidnapping of my
fucking girl, and if he would've noticed what was going on he could have stopped the shit. I
was angry about it the first few days, snapping at him constantly because I needed someone
to blame, but eventually the anger subsided as the desolation sunk in.
I tried to get the chip working again, hoping for an easy solution, but it was a waste of time.
Royce said they'd been aware she was chipped because Aro let that tidbit of information
slip, so he figured they would've found a way to block the signal to make it harder on us.
They'd want to wear us down, throw us off track, so that when we finally did find them they
had the upper hand.
We spent countless hours searching records, looking through land deeds and pinpointing
locations with ties to the Russians in Highland Park. Royce made dozens of phone calls and
we paid visits to people he believed would have information, going to extreme measures
more than once in order to get it out of them. I lost control a few times and savagely beat
people with my fists, but Royce was the one that inflicted most of the pain. I watched as he
tortured men, listening as they screamed in agony and begged for him to stop. He pulled
fingernails out with pliers, shoving heads in vices and tightening them until their skulls
started to crack. I watched as he nearly drowned men, holding them underwater until their
lungs filled with liquid, and stabbed them with anything he could get his hands on, from ice
picks to screwdrivers. We didn't fire any guns or end any lives, but we may have made
some of them wish they were dead by the time we were through with them. I detached
myself, my mind focused solely on the end result, not giving a shit who got hurt in the
process or what it took to make it happen. I needed to find Isabella, no matter the sacrifice
or cost, and all of it eventually led us to the warehouse near route 45.
I was a wreck, my mind frantic from worry and lack of sleep. Seeing her fragile, broken
body had been one of the most devastating things I'd ever witnessed, an image I knew I'd
never forget. I wondered if it was similar to how my father had felt when he found my
mother in the alley, although his hurt had to have been deeper considering Isabella was
still alive. I couldn't even begin to imagine ever having to see Isabella's lifeless body,
knowing it was because of my decisions that she had ended up that way. She had a full life
ahead of her, one we all fucking fought for, and losing her would've been the worst tragedy
imaginable. It was a lot like my mother's story—finally freed, only to be taken down by evil
in the end, anyway.
If it weren't so fucking disturbing and heartbreaking, I might've seen the irony of what my
mother had always said. A person couldn't escape their fate no matter how hard they tried,
because what was meant to be would always be. I supposed I was always destined for the
mafia considering the fact that no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, I came back to it,
anyway.
And Isabella had been destined for freedom... my mother made sure of that.
I stayed by Isabella's side while she was unconscious, but hadn't been there when she
finally woke up. I felt fucking ashamed for it, knowing she had been worried about me, but
Aro had called me that night for my first job as part of the Borgata. The Boss usually didn't
handle anything himself, having so many people below him to do the dirty work, but
because Royce was dead, Alec was comatose and my father was otherwise indisposed, he
thought it was best to show me the ropes personally. He seemed to take pride in it, like it
was something we could bond over, but just watching it all only deepened my growing
hatred for the man.
That was the night they'd attacked the owner of the pizzeria, a man by the name of Joseph
Catalano. Both of his sons had initiated at one point or another, his youngest unfortunately
being the kid Alec had killed for getting involved with James. His oldest son was the one
ordered to carry out the assault, that fact disturbing me worse than witnessing the act
itself. His own son, who he had busted his ass trying to give a good life to, savagely
attacking him for senseless reasons. He was turning against his blood family in the name of
loyalty to an organization that would probably someday turn on him. It was sickening but I
kept my composure as it went down, knowing Aro was watching me closely the entire time.
Part of me wondered if the only reason I was there was so that he could send a message to
me without ever having to utter a single word. He wanted me to know it was within his
authority to force a child to destroy his own father in the name of loyalty, to choose him
over blood.
Message motherfucking received.
The duration of our stay in Chicago was rocky, because Isabella hadn't taken the news of
my initiation well. I hoped with time she'd learn to accept it, but the truth was that I wasn't
sure if she could considering I hadn't even fully grasped it myself. She was detached, a
sadness brewing in her eyes that I wanted to take away, but I felt fucking powerless because
I knew I couldn't.
Aro called me out a few more times, saying he wanted me to watch a few jobs and learn
how things went. I didn't participate but standing by as it happened while doing nothing to
stop it was bad enough. I always thought I could do it if it came down to it, thought that I
could be that person, but the truth was that I wasn't cut out for it. All I could think about as
I watched lives being destroyed was how Isabella would feel if she knew, or what my
mother would think if she were alive. They'd both be disappointed, fucking ashamed of
me... but I couldn't blame them because I was ashamed, too.
It was too fucking bad I no longer had a choice.
I approached Aro about returning to Washington for a while and he agreed it was for the
best, telling me I could handle some business for him while I was there. The things they'd
removed from the basement of our house had been relocated to Port Angeles, and he
needed someone to clear it out and send it where it needed to be since my father could no
longer be involved. I agreed, not wanting to do that shit but knowing it was my only fucking
option.
I used to get aggravated when Isabella would say "okay", agreeing to anything that was
asked of her, unable to grasp why the fuck she couldn't just be honest about her opinion. In
such a short time, I had become just like her--1 was faking respect for the sake of surviving,
saying "yes, sir" when I really wanted to say "fuck you, asshole", and doing anything that
was asked of me, regardless of whether I wanted to or not.
It was one of those situations where the irony might've been amusing if it weren't so
goddamn fucked up.
I thought it would get better after we went back home, but it didn't. Aro hadn't even waited
a week before he started calling in orders, and while it wasn't anything I couldn't handle,
the fact that he controlled my life was weighing heavily on me. I was distracted, up to all
hours of the night fielding phone calls and making arrangements while Isabella slept. I
hoped to keep those aspects of my life separate, not wanting my predicament to hurt her in
any way, but as time went on I started to realize how goddamn impossible it was. I was
tearing myself in half, cutting part of me off from her and I suspected she could tell. I tried
to smile and make her feel safe, wanting her to believe things would be fine, but the truth
was that I wasn't even sure anymore.
Would things be fine?
Eventually, the nightmares started for both of us, her ordeal coming back to her as my
memories resurfaced. I couldn't sleep without being haunted by what I'd seen, reliving the
devastation the organization had brought into my life. I dreamed of my mother again, the
screeching tires and her piercing screams as her life was taken from her, the sound of the
bullets ripping through the air. I dreamed of Isabella a lot, the sight of her fragile and
seizing body in my arms back in the warehouse in Chicago. I started staying awake more
often than not, watching Isabella sleep just to be able to see her fucking breathing. I held
her while she cried out in distress and I wanted to make it all better, wanted to fix
everything, but I wasn't sure what the fuck to do.
When it got to be too much to handle, I would slip out of bed and go downstairs to my
piano, playing the song that plagued my mind. I was growing weary, unsure of how much
more I could take before I fucking snapped. I was distraught over what Isabella was going
through, wishing she'd fucking talk to me about it but knowing I had no right to ask it of
her. I was keeping secrets myself, doing things I could never share with her, and it would
be goddamn hypocritical of me to demand she tell me hers.
It fucking hurt to admit, but I could feel us drifting further apart every day. She isolated
herself, scribbling in one of her notebooks and completely oblivious to time as it slipped
away. And I was starting to feel like I was just going through the motions, biding my time
and waiting. What the fuck I was waiting for I wasn't entirely sure of, but I knew something
needed to change soon. We couldn't just continue on as we were, pretending everything
was fine while we continued to fall to fucking pieces.
It was a few days before Christmas and I was awoken by the sound of my phone, the shrill
ringing shattering my light slumber. I forced my eyes open, slapping beside the bed as I
tried to find the offending object and make the goddamn thing stop. I cursed as I
accidentally knocked it off the stand, sending it crashing to the floor, and I pulled away
from Isabella as I sat up.
"Turn it off," Isabella mumbled, not even bothering to open her eyes.
"Fuck, I'm trying," I muttered, reaching down and snatching it off of the floor. I glanced at
the screen and groaned, rubbing my eyes as I tried to clear my vision. "Yes, sir?"
"I was beginning to wonder if you were even going to answer," Aro said, an edge to his
voice that told me he wasn't in the mood to joke around. I glanced over at the clock, seeing
it was only a few minutes past four in the morning.
"Of course I was going to answer," I responded, covering my burning eyes with my forearm
as I lay back down beside Isabella. "It's just kind of fucking early. I was sleeping."
"Well, it's a good thing you're awake now, because there's something you need to do for
me," he said. "I need you to pick up a package from a man in Port Angeles."
"Now?" I asked incredulously. We had finally cleared out all of the storage containers in
Port Angeles, so I thought I would finally get a break from doing his bullshit business, but
apparently I wasn't that fucking lucky. He laughed bitterly and I clenched my hands into
fists, fighting back my aggravation but the sound grated on my nerves.
"Yes, now," he said impatiently, quickly rattling off an address. I jumped out of bed and
started rooting through my desk for something to fucking write with, grabbing a pen. I
tried to write on my hand but it wouldn't fucking work, so I glanced around in a frenzy for
something else as he continued to talk. I spotted Isabella's notebook sticking out from
under the bed and grabbed it, flipping it open to the very back and scribbling down the
address the best I could recall it. I thanked him, not sure what the fuck for, and hung up.
"Just fucking great," I muttered, staggering over to the closet. I pulled out some clothes and
dressed quickly, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside Isabella to slip on my shoes.
"Where are you going?" she mumbled. I glanced at her, seeing her eyes were open and she
was watching me with confusion.
"Uh, I need to finish my Christmas shopping or whatever," I said, spouting off the first
thing that came to my mind as I ran my hand through my hair anxiously.
"Now?" she asked with disbelief, rolling over to look at the clock. "Is anything even open at
this hour?"
"They will be by the time I get there," I said, hoping she wouldn't fucking argue with me
about it. I kissed her quickly before standing up, running my hand across her cheek as I
brushed her wayward hair out of her face. "I love you, tesoro. Go back to sleep, I'll be back
later."
"Love you, too," she mumbled, her eyes closing once again.
I grabbed my things and the notebook, heading out of the house as quietly as I could, and
climbed into the Volvo to start on the road to Port Angeles. I had a hard time focusing on
my driving, my vision hazy from exhaustion and causing me to run off of the road a few
times. I cursed, agitated, and turned the music up while rolling the windows down hoping
the noise and cold air would keep me awake.
I arrived in Port Angeles around five but drove around for about twenty minutes as I tried
to find the fucking address, having written the goddamn thing down wrong after all. It
turned out to be some dingy little hole in the wall barber shop on the other side of the
tracks, the bricks crumbling and the barber pole barely hanging on to the building. It
looked fucking condemned but a florescent 'open' sign flickered in the window, suggesting
otherwise.
I grabbed the gun I'd brought back from Chicago and had been keeping under the seat
since mine had been taken, and stuck it in my waistband before getting out. I headed
toward the building and grabbed the door but it wouldn't budge, so I pressed the square
black doorbell underneath the mailbox. A loud buzzer went off and I cringed at the noise,
hearing commotion inside before the door was pulled open. A light-skinned black man
stood in front of me with a serious expression on his face, a tattoo on his neck and his hair
halfway braided. I could see the gleam of gold teeth in his mouth, his neck and ears framed
with fucking diamonds. He didn't look to be someone Aro would ever do business with and
I briefly wondered if maybe I still had the fucking address wrong, but he stepped to the side
before I could consider leaving, motioning for me to enter without speaking at all.
I stepped inside and saw it was just as raggedy as the outside, and he slammed the door
behind us before staggering across the room. "You're late," he said flatly, reaching into his
pocket for a pack of cigarettes. He stuck one in his mouth and held it out to me, offering me
one. I declined and he shrugged, lighting his and tossing the rest down on a table.
"Yeah," I muttered, knowing there was no fucking excuse for being late so I didn't even
bother to give one. "I'm Edward..."
"I know who you are," he said, cutting me off. "I wouldn't have let your ass in if I didn't.
You don't look like your father, though. You sure you're his? With that hair, I think your
Momma might've been fucking around."
He laughed and I narrowed my eyes angrily, my hands starting to shake. I went to reach for
my gun instinctively, rage surging through me, but he caught sight of my movement and
held his hands up defensively.
"Whoa, calm down. I'm just kidding," he said, shaking his head and smirking, clearly not
fucking taking me seriously. "You might be Cullen's boy, after all. Neither of you
motherfuckers can take a joke."
"Don't talk about my fucking mother," I spat as he turned his back to me, opening a
cabinet.
"Whatever you say, man," he muttered. "Tell me something, do you have a girlfriend?"
"Excuse me?"
"You fucking deaf?" he asked, turning back around quickly. I tensed up when I saw him
grab a glock-22 from the cabinet, pointing it at me without hesitating. I grabbed my gun
quickly and aimed it at his head, my heart racing wildly in fear. The amusement was gone
from his expression, his eyes sparking with anger. "I asked if you had a fucking girlfriend."
"Yes," I said, trying to keep my composure but he was clearly fucking unstable and I had no
idea what the hell was going on. The thought that it could be a set up quickly ran through
my mind but I pushed it back, not wanting to even consider Aro would fucking do that to
me when I'd done nothing wrong.
"What's her name?" he asked. I hesitated, unsure of why the fuck he was asking me about
her, and his impatience grew. "I can fucking find out on my own, but I don't think you want
me to have to."
"Isabella," I said quietly.
"Good," he said, lowering his gun and grabbing a duffel bag from the cabinet. He held it out
to me and I took it hesitantly, my gun still aimed at him. "You have twenty-four hours to
bring me my money. If it isn't here by five tomorrow morning on the dot, at a minute after
five I'm going to be in my car and on the way to pay a visit to Isabella and make her pay me
for it. I don't tolerate motherfuckers being late when we've got an appointment. Do you
understand me?"
"If you ever fucking touch..."
"I said, do you fucking understand me?" he snapped, raising his gun again and cutting me
off, aggravated by my attitude.
"Yes," I said coolly, my hands trembling.

"Good. Now get out of my fucking shop before I shoot you for the hell of it," he said. I took
a few steps back, still aiming my gun at him, before shoving the door open and quickly
bolting outside. I tucked the gun away and sprinted to the car, fumbling with my keys and
cursing as I tried to get the door unlocked.
"Christ," I muttered to myself as I slipped inside, tossing the bag on the passenger seat. I
started the car up and sped off, wanting to get the fuck away from there while I still could. I
waited until I was a few miles away before reaching over and opening the bag curiously,
glancing inside to see two uncut brick kilos of cocaine and a bunch of bags of marijuana.
"What the fuck?"
I slammed on the breaks, stunned, and whipped the car into the parking lot of a nearby
restaurant. I stared at the drugs for a moment, unsure of what the fuck I was supposed to
do with them. I wasn't sure if Aro had told me or not, considering I hadn't fucking paid him
close attention as he spoke, and was suddenly worried that there was something I was
missing. The last thing I wanted to do was get on his bad side, and I knew not fucking
listening to his instructions would be considered just as disrespectful as blatantly
disregarding them.
I hesitated before grabbing my phone, scanning through my list of contacts quickly. I

stopped at my father's name and hit the call button, waiting as it rang.
"Edward?" he said in confusion as he answered, obviously concerned because of the

goddamn time.
"I, uh... I think I need some help," I said.
"With what?" he asked hesitantly. "Where are you?"
"I'm in Port Angeles," I said. "I got a call this morning to pick something up from some
fucking crazy asshole who pulled a goddamn gun on me. He gave me this bag and said he
wanted his money by tomorrow morning, but I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to
do about any of it."
"Ah, you must've met Garrett," he said, sighing. "He's overly paranoid, I guess from using
too much of his own stuff over the years. Just pull some cash out of your account and pay
him for it."
"How much?" I asked, glancing in the bag. "This is a lot of shit."
"I know it is. We always had a set arrangement with him, fifty grand each visit," he said.
"Whenever you get back to Forks give Ben a call and he'll take it off of your hands for
eighty. It's worth about a hundred on the streets, so he'll make about twenty off of it.
Keep the money you contributed and hold the rest for Aro."
"Uh, okay," I mumbled. "Thanks."
"You're welcome, son," he said. "Be careful."
"Yeah." I hung up and glanced at the clock, knowing I had a few hours to waste until the
bank opened and I could get the cash. I stuck the duffel bag in the trunk to keep it safe
before driving around town, stopping occasionally to browse through stores that were
already open. I grabbed breakfast and bought a few presents for people with my Amex, not
in the mood for Christmas but knowing I couldn't fucking go home empty handed or
Isabella would know I had lied to her.
I pulled the money out at ten when the bank opened, getting extra just in case I needed it. I
drove back to the barber shop and handed Garrett the cash, standing by the front door with
my hand on my gun as he carefully counted each bill. There were other people present,
another man lounging in a barber chair with a gun on his lap and two girls sitting off to the
side on a small, shabby couch. The girls were both sickly thin, dressed in tattered, skimpy
clothes with their hair a knotted mess. They both had a ton of fucking makeup caked on
their faces, smudged like it had been leftover from the night before. They were wasted,
snorting lines of cocaine from a dingy tray in front of them.
One of the girls got up after a moment and staggered in our direction, throwing herself
down in Garret's lap. She knocked some of the money from his hand and he groaned,
snatching it up to recount. "Watch yourself, bitch."
"Yeah, yeah," she said, her words slurring as she shrugged him off. She eyed me for a
moment, a sly smile creeping up on her lips. "I've never seen him before. He's hot."
Garrett glanced up at me and started laughing. "He's got a girlfriend that he's apparently
fond of, considering how quick his ass made it back here with my money. I don't think your
chances are very good."
"That never stopped anyone before," she said, standing up again and strolling in my
direction. I tensed up as she paused in front of me, her skin smelling like she was sweating
liquor from her pores, the stench making my fucking stomach churn. "What do you say,
baby? You looking to have some fun?"
I groaned, pulling away from her as she attempted to run her fingers through my hair,
aggravated that she was touching me with her dirty goddamn hands. I had no idea where
those fucking things had been and didn't want to know, based on the way she looked.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I said.
"Leave him alone, Katie," Garrett said, standing and holding the money up. "It's all here.
It's been a pleasure doing business with you."
"Yeah, you, too," I muttered, thankful that shit was over with. I slipped out the front door
quickly and got in the car, pulling my phone out as I started through the streets of Port
Angeles. I dialed Ben Cheney's number, telling him when he answered that I had some stuff
for him. I didn't elaborate but he knew what the fuck I was referring to, telling me he'd
meet me in the parking lot of the grocery store in Forks with the money.
I drove straight there and parked in the back away from everyone, shutting the engine off
and slouching down in my seat as I waited. I grew bored quickly, feeling fucking uneasy,
and grabbed Isabella's notebook from the passenger seat. I felt guilty having taken it but I
had nothing else to write on, and hadn't even fucking thought about whether or not she'd
be looking for it while I was gone.
I hesitated, unsure if I should actually look in it or not, but my boredom mixed with my
curiosity eventually won out. I opened it to the first page and glanced through the scribble,
a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I read her words. She recalled some of what
she'd been through, writing about the nightmares she'd had and the things she'd seen. She
thought a lot about the pain she felt, and as I flipped the pages the writing grew more
frantic. There were dozens of sketches, some so vague that I couldn't even fucking tell what
they were, but others were so in detail that it was like seeing the shit with my own eyes. A
few of them were hard to look at and I had to flip the page quickly, my anger mounting the
further I went.
I turned to a page about halfway through and saw my name, my eyes scanning the
paragraph quickly. She wrote repeatedly that she loved me, but she also mused about what
kind of future we were heading into. She seemed almost scared about it, disheartened by
my situation, and as much I didn't want that shit to get to me it fucking hurt. I only wanted
to protect her and didn't want her to fucking hurt in any way, and the fact that she was
scared about all of the unknowns made me wonder if I was only hurting us more by not
telling her things. But I couldn't bear the thought of her fucking hating me, couldn't deal
with the looks of disgust she would give me if I ever told her what I'd stood by and watched.
And I knew that when I got to Chicago there was no fucking way I could ever admit to her
the shit I would be forced to do.
I flipped through a few more pages, distraught and barely even looking at them, and was
about to toss it to the side when a drawing caught my attention. I stared at it and my brow
furrowed in confusion, the face eerily familiar for some reason. It was a person who I had
already seen sketched a few times in the notebook but the one in front of me was in depth,
his features detailed perfectly. One side of his face was disfigured with a scar, as if he'd
been burned. I couldn't place where I knew him from, but I didn't doubt the fact that I did
somehow know him.
I was so focused on the sketch that I hadn't even noticed Ben arriving until he knocked on
my window, catching me off guard. I jumped, startled, and quickly tossed the notebook to
the side as I cursed.
"You fucking scared me," I muttered, stepping out of the car.
"Sorry about that, man. You seemed like you were in a daze," he said. "You doing okay?"
"Yeah, just got a lot of shit on my mind," I said, walking around to open the trunk.
"I figured. It's been a while since I've seen you. I heard you all were back in town, but you
never came back to school so I wasn't sure what was going on," he said. "I was surprised
you called, honestly. I heard about what happened in Chicago so I didn't think your father
would be dealing with any of this for a while."
"He isn't," I said, pulling the duffel bag out and handing it to him.
"You?" he asked hesitantly, eyeing me cautiously. I shrugged, running my hand through my

hair anxiously. I wasn't sure how I felt talking about any of that shit with Ben, having never
gone into detail with him before about my father's business.
"I have to do what I have to do," I said.

"Yeah, I understand. I've been saying the same thing the past few years," he said,
motioning toward the duffel bag.
"I bet," I muttered as he walked over and opened his trunk, putting the bag inside. "How do
you deal with it, anyway? I mean, Angela knows you're somewhat involved in this shit, but
I know she doesn't know how deep you're in. How do you deal with keeping secrets from
her?"
He shrugged. "It's not easy, because it feels like I'm living a double life sometimes. But to
me, what I've gained from it is worth having to do it--the ends justify the means. I feel
guilty a lot, lying to her, but I just ask myself if it's something she'd want to know, and
when it comes down to it I don't think it is. Ignorance is bliss, my friend, and I'd rather her
be blissfully unaware than clued in and disturbed. As long as it's not hurting her, I don't
think it's that big of a deal."
"And if it was hurting her?" I asked. He shrugged.
"Then I guess it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Nothing is worth hurting her."
"Yeah," I mumbled, leaning back against the side of the Volvo.
"You know, when you guys left, a federal agent showed up here and started asking
questions. He seemed more interested in your girlfriend than anyone, asking people what
they knew about her and where she came from, if we knew if she was okay or not," he said.
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she's alright," I said hesitantly. "She's at the house."
"Good. She seems like a nice girl. I'd hate to see her caught up in anything," he said,
reaching into his car and pulling out a small manila envelope. "Anyway, here's the money. I
can wait if you need to count it."
"I trust you," I stated, taking it from him. He laughed, shaking his head as he reached out
to shake my hand.
"Never thought I'd see the day that Edward Cullen trusted someone," he said. "It's been
nice seeing you, man. This is probably the last exchange of this shit, since this will last me
through graduation and then it's off to Yale."
"Do you have enough to get you through school?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah, I have plenty. Like I said, the end justified the means," he said. "Anyway, don't be a
stranger."
"Yeah," I muttered, knowing it was ridiculous because chances were I would never see him
again after leaving. Our lives were going in two different directions, paths that were liable
to never cross again in the future. "Good luck with law school and shit, Ben. If you ever
need anything, don't hesitate to look me up, okay?
"Thanks, and you can do the same," he said, smirking. "I am going into criminal law, after
all."
I chuckled and said goodbye, slipping back into my car and watching as he drove off. I sat
there for a few minutes before starting the car up, an odd feeling settling over me. It felt
like resolve, like everything was finally coming together, and as much as I didn't like the
situation I was in, it felt like I was finally starting to accept it.
I stuffed the envelope of money in the glove box and drove home, grabbing the notebook
I'd taken before heading inside. I went straight up to the third floor and paused when I
opened the bedroom door, seeing Isabella lying in bed snuggled up with a pillow. Her eyes
were closed, a small smile on her lips that sent a pang of longing through me. She seemed
almost happy as she lay there, and it was the first time in a long time her face wasn't etched
with worry or her body tense and on edge.
I shut the door quietly and walked over to her, carefully slipping the notebook back under
the bed before sitting down beside her. She stirred a bit when the bed shifted and started
mumbling, my name softly rolling from her lips.
I smirked, not realizing until that moment exactly how much I'd missed that shit. I
remembered the first time she'd fucking done it, whispering my name in her sleep with that
look of contentment on her face. I wished it could always last, that I could stay in that
moment forever, but of course I wasn't that fucking lucky.
Never had been, and sure as fuck never would be.
Her disposition shifted quickly, her face scrunching up in distress as a whimper escaped
her throat. I groaned, knowing from experience exactly what would happen next. She'd
start crying out in her sleep, growing frantic and screaming at some motherfuckers that
only she could see. I knew she was begging for my life, reliving the moment she'd fucking
pleaded that I be spared, but it was unbearable to sit back and witness her turmoil.
"Please," she whimpered.
"Isabella," I said, shaking her because there was no way I could fucking listen to it again.
"Wake up, tesoro."
Her eyes popped open and she sat up quickly, her expression panicked. "Edward," she
gasped in confusion, glancing around in a frenzy. She started rubbing her eyes, trying to
wake up so things would make sense. "How long have you been home?"
"Just a minute or so," I said, shrugging as I kicked off my shoes. "You want to watch a
movie or something?"
"Sure," she mumbled, lying back down as she yawned. "You pick one."
I chuckled and walked over to the DVD player, putting the first movie in that I saw. I didn't
give a shit what it was, because I suspected I wouldn't be awake long enough to even make
it through the opening credits. I was exhausted, my eyes burning and body weak, but I'd
only suggested it for an excuse to disturb her nightmare. I walked back over to slip in bed,
ready to relax, but froze when I saw a familiar worn, leather book lying open on top of the
comforter.
"Where the fuck did you get this?" I asked, grabbing it quickly and holding it up, clearly
fucking remembering getting rid of it.
She tensed up and eyed me cautiously. "Uh, your father," she responded. "He gave it to
me."
My brow furrowed in confusion. "Why the fuck would he give you my mother's journal?" I
asked, not understanding since he and I had both been in agreement that it was best he
took the fucking thing.
"He said it might help," she mumbled nervously. "You know, with our situation, he thought
it might help me deal with, uh, things, if I knew how she dealt with them. I can learn from
her, so I don't make her same, uh... mistakes."
I cringed at the word, feeling my natural reaction to lash out trying to push forth, but I
fought it back because it wasn't Isabella's fault. The truth, as much as I hated to admit it,
was that my mother had made mistakes... but I ventured to guess it didn't matter when it
came down to it, because it had been worth it to her.
Like Ben had said, the ends justified the means. I wondered what end justified the bullshit
I was fucking going through, but the one thing I was certain of was that Isabella winding up
like my mother had was not it.
"When did he give it to you?" I asked, keeping my composure.
"Today, when you were gone. He asked to see me in his office, and gave it to me," she
explained. "If you don't want me to read it..."
"No, it's fine," I said quickly, not wanting to seem like an asshole despite the fact that I
wasn't so sure about it, considering how she'd reacted to the shit she read the first time.
There was no telling what the hell my mother had written about, but I also knew that going
against my father didn't exactly do me any good, so it was probably in my best interest to
trust he knew what he was doing. Plus, I was entirely too fucking exhausted to argue with
her. "I was just confused."
I tossed the book down on my desk and climbed into bed, sighing as soon as my body hit
the mattress. Isabella snuggled up to me, laying her head on my chest as I wrapped my
arms around her. "Your father said your family was coming for Christmas," she mumbled.
"Our," I corrected her. "Our family, Bella. And yeah, they're all fucking coming, but I'm not
sure if I'm happy about that shit or not. They can get on my nerves."
"I'm glad they're coming," she said quietly. "I think it'll be nice."
"Yeah, maybe," I muttered as I closed my eyes, the fact that she was looking forward to
being around all of them bringing a smile to my lips. It wasn't that long ago that she
fucking hid from people, too anxious to relax around company. It felt like an eternity but in
reality it had only been a little over a year, and she had already come so fucking far and
adapted so quickly that it gave me hope that she'd truly be okay in the world. "I could do
without Rosalie, though."
She laughed and jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow playfully. "Be nice," she said. I
mumbled in response, telling her that bitch didn't know what it fucking meant to be nice so
it didn't matter, and had just slipped into unconsciousness when there was a loud knock at
the bedroom door. I groaned in annoyance when I was jolted back awake, irritated by the
interruption.
"Go the fuck away," I yelled, figuring it was my father but I was entirely too exhausted to
deal with him, needing to get some rest after the bullshit day I'd had. They knocked again
and Isabella pulled away from me, grumbling as she went to stand up. I groaned, grabbing
my pillow and flinging it at the door in frustration. "I swear to fucking God, I'm going to..."
The door was flung open, slamming into the wall forcefully, and I sat up quickly as the loud
voice rang out. "Going to what?" Rosalie spat, standing in the doorway with her hands on
her hips.
"Christ," I muttered, running my hands down my face in surprise as I tried to push back my
annoyance. She was the last person I had expected to see. "It's way too fucking early for
you."
"It's not early, dumbass," she said, quirking an eyebrow as she stared at me like I was
stupid. "It's after noon already. It's about time you get your lazy asses out of bed."
"Fuck you," I spat.
"No, thanks," she said sarcastically. "I wouldn't touch you if you had the last dick on earth,
Cullen."
"When did you get here?" Isabella asked, completely ignoring our bickering. "A minute
ago," Rosalie said.
"I bet you fucking came right up here, too. Can't give anyone a goddamn break, always have
to hassle me," I muttered. "Rompiballe."
"You're such a conceited little shit," she responded, shaking her head. "Always assuming
it's all about you, but I hate to break it to you, Cullen. You aren't that special. I'm here for
Isabella."
"Me?" Isabella asked with surprise.
"Yes, you. Now come on and get dressed because Alice will be here in a few minutes, and
you know better than to keep her waiting," she responded. "The three of us are going
Christmas shopping."
"Uh, but I don't have..." Isabella started.
"Take my credit card," I interrupted, knowing she was going to say that she didn't have any
fucking money. "It's in my wallet. And don't bother arguing with Rosalie, because it's
useless. In case you haven't noticed, she's sort of a bitch."
"You're still such an asshole. I don't know how the hell she puts up with you," Rosalie spat,
turning and walking away. She hollered back for Isabella to hurry the hell up and I
smirked, laying back down and closing my eyes again. It felt just like old times...
Maybe it would be nice having those fuckers around, after all.
I drifted into a deep sleep after Isabella left, my lack of rest finally catching up to me. I was
out for a while before the nightmares began, the haunting melody filtering into my
subconscious and taunting me in the darkness. I could see my mother's face, her sparking
green eyes and proud smile shining brightly as she spoke. "My sole," she whispered, oozing
the warmth and brightness she always said I brought into her life. She laughed, the sound
so overwhelming that it nearly drowned out the tortuous song in the background, but it
wasn't enough to stop what came next.
It never was.
Images started flashing in my mind, sounds bombarding me. Tires screeching, the look of
pure terror on my mother's face when she saw what was happening. I heard the male
voices, their words callous, followed by my mother's terrifying screams for me to run. The
loud bang of the gunshot rang out, followed by a blinding white light as my mother's life
was taken from her. I screamed in horror, and as soon as everything came back into focus I
stared into the most terrifying eyes I had ever seen before. A mere split second passed
before he raised his gun up and fired it at me, the second bang jolting me awake, leaving
his image burned in my mind.
It was a face I knew-a face I remembered-because it was a face I had just fucking seen.
I jumped out of bed the moment I was conscious enough to move, my feet tangling in the
sheets and making me nearly fall on the fucking floor in my haste. I cursed as I regained my
balance, sweaty and shaking, my breathing labored. I grabbed Isabella's notebook back out
from under the bed and frantically flipped through the pages, stopping when I reached the
drawing I was searching for.
"Jesus Christ," I said, staring at it in shock. I bolted out of the room and ran down to the
second floor, thrusting my father's office door open without even bothering to knock. He
was sitting behind his desk and instinctively grabbed a gun from his drawer at the
disruption, even though that fucker knew he wasn't supposed to have one as a condition of
his bail.
"What's going on?" he asked when he saw it was me, panic in his voice.
"Who the fuck is that?" I spat, throwing the notebook down on the desk in front of him,
trying to calm down but I was on the verge of hyperventilating. He picked it up, eyeing me
cautiously before glancing at the drawing.
"Where'd you get this?" he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.
"It's Isabella's," I said, running my hand through my hair anxiously. "She's been scribbling
in that fucking notebook for weeks, drawing pictures of the shit she saw in Chicago. So,
who the fuck is that?"
"He's a friend," he said hesitantly. "His name's Alistair."
"Friend?" I spat in disbelief. "He's no fucking friend of mine."
"But he is," he stressed, eyeing me cautiously. "He's been in the organization for a lot of
years, son, which makes him a friend of all of ours. If I recall correctly, he was the first man
Aro initiated as acting boss after your grandfather passed away when you were six. He's
running the casino's down in Vegas now and has been ever since Swan died a few years
ago."
"Aro initiated him?" I yelled, shaking my head. "He's one of us? That motherfucker killed
my mother! He fucking shot me!"
I was pacing frantically and my father tensed up, jumping up quickly and grabbing a hold
of my shirt to stop my movements. "What did you just say?" he asked firmly, a serious
"I said, he fucking killed my mother! It was him\" I spat.
"You remember?" he asked in disbelief, his voice laced with anger. "After all these years,
you're claiming you remember that piece of information and you never said anything?"
"Yes," I said before shaking my head, confused. "Well, no. I didn't fucking remember, but I
do now. It was him. He pulled the goddamn trigger."
"You're mistaken, son," he said, letting go of me as he shook his head.
"I'm not mistaken. I fucking saw it. I dream about that night all the time! I fucking eat,
sleep and breathe that goddamn memory, and I just saw his face not but ten fucking
minutes ago," I snapped. "It was him"
"Was today the first time you remembered his face?" he asked stoically. I nodded and he
sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "And was that before or after you saw
this picture in her notebook, Edward?"
"Why does that fucking matter?" I spat.
"Because you're confused. You're projecting what happened to Isabella and what you saw in
this," he stated, holding the notebook up, "onto what happened to you."
"You think I'm fucking making this up?" I yelled angrily.
"No," he said firmly. "I believe that you believe it, but that doesn't make it real. It was a
dream, Edward. That's it. I've told you before-the people who killed your mother are dead.
I made sure of it before I even came here to Washington. They were nobodies, thugs Swan
got to do his dirty work for him, and I made sure every last one of them paid for what
they'd done."
"Are you sure?" I asked. "Would you bet your life on it? No, fuck that. Would you bet my
life on it? What about Jasper or Emmett's, or even Isabella's? Are you that fucking positive
that this man had nothing to do with it?"
He nodded after a moment, eyeing me cautiously. "I'm sure of it," he said.
"Then what the fuck was he doing in Chicago?" I snapped. "If he's a friend of ours, why was
he in that warehouse?"
He shook his head, glancing back at the drawing. "He wasn't," he said quietly, nonchalantly
flipping through the notebook and glancing at a few pages.
"Are you kidding me? Then how the fuck did she draw his picture? Magic?" I asked
incredulously. "She just miraculously drew his fucking face in detail?"
He sighed loudly in aggravation. "Probably the same way she drew this one," he said,
holding the notebook up and showing me a picture of my mother. The sight of it hurt, a
fucking pain ripping through my chest as I nearly lost my breath at its accuracy. "She drew
it from memory, Edward. You were the one who came to me about the fact that she had a
photographic memory, and that's how she was able to draw any of this. I know for a fact
your mother wasn't in that warehouse and you can't be certain Alistair was, either. She
could've just recalled his face from visits to Phoenix, just like she recalled some of the
others. He has a unique face, given the mole and scar. It would've stood out to her."
I stood silently for a moment, his insistence that I was wrong making me waver a bit in
confusion. "What if you're wrong?" I asked.
"You don't have to believe me, Edward. You can ask Aro," he said.
"Yeah, I'm sure I fucking could," I muttered, shaking my head. "Just like you could ask
Isabella."
He went to respond but the ringing of his cell phone stopped him as it echoed loudly
through the room. He picked it up and glanced at the screen, visibly tensing up. "I need to
take this," he said. "We'll finish this conversation later."
"Whatever," I said, walking out and slamming the door behind me. I headed downstairs
and heard laughter as soon as I reached the foyer, hesitantly walking toward the living
room and seeing my brothers. They both glanced up at me as I entered the room, flopping
down on the couch beside Jasper and kicking my feet up on the coffee table. "Hey, fuckers."
"Hey, bro," Emmett said. "Long time no see."
"It's only been like six weeks, Emmett."
"And you don't think that's a long time to go without seeing me?" he asked jokingly.
"Not long enough," I muttered, still feeling uneasy about everything. He grabbed a pillow
from the back of the chair he was sitting on and flung it at me, and I hugged it to my chest
as I glanced at the television. I saw they were watching Jeopardy and groaned, looking at
Jasper. "Christ, nothing fucking changes with you people, does it? Emmett's still trying to
fight with me, Rosalie's still a bitch and you still watch this bullshit like you know the
goddamn answers or something. I bet Alice still thinks she knows the motherfucking
future."
Jasper laughed dryly. "Don't even go there," he mumbled. "She has her theories and I
promise you don't want to hear any of them. How are you holding up, anyway?"
I shrugged. "I'm here," I said, unsure of how to answer that fucking question.
"For how long?" Emmett chimed in. I glanced over and saw he was staring at me, his
eyebrows raised questioningly.
"Your guess is as good as mine," I muttered, not knowing how to answer that one either
because it was such a fucking loaded question that I wasn't even sure myself.
"You know my offer still stands, right?" Jasper asked. "I care about Isabella and don't want
to see her hurt, so if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. And I mean it.
Anything. I'm just a short drive away, Seattle isn't that far. You know that."
"I offered him the same thing," Emmett chimed in. "I meant that shit, too. If you need
someone for when you get to Chicago, I'm your man. And don't be a stubborn pussy about
it either. Izzy Bizzy's like a sister to me. I'll do anything for that girl."
"I know," I muttered. "I appreciate it, both of you." The room grew quiet, neither one
pressing me for anything more on the subject, and thankfully not trying to fucking lecture
me over what I had done. I knew they were both disappointed I'd ended up initiating into
the organization, but I liked to believe they understood, at least.
The girls arrived home from shopping a few minutes later and we all settled into the living
room to watch a movie, Emmett calling to order some pizza. About thirty minutes later
there was a string of loud knocks on the front door and we all glanced around at each other,
nobody making a move to go answer the fucking thing. I groaned and stood up, shaking my
head. "Don't all you fuckers move at the same time," I said with annoyance.
"I would've gotten it," Isabella said quietly. "But I don't have..."
"...any money," I finished her sentence. "Christ, I know. Don't worry about it, I'll get it."
"I can get everyone drinks," she offered, shrugging. Alice said she'd help and jumped up,
slipping her arm through Isabella's as they strolled to the kitchen.
I headed for the front door, pulling out my wallet and sorting through my cash. They
started knocking again impatiently, louder and more forceful than before, the banging
vibrating the wall. "Christ, I'm coming," I yelled angrily, annoyed at how rude they were.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, pounding on the goddamn door like you're the
fucking..."
I froze abruptly as I swung the front door open, coming face to face with a man wearing a
suit and holding up a badge. "Police," he said stoically. I stared at him briefly, stunned,
before noticing the Forks' chief of police standing beside him with a nervous expression.
"I have nothing to say to you people," I said quickly. The man holding up the badge smiled,
shaking his head.
"Then it's a good thing we aren't here to speak with you then," he said, seemingly amused
by my reaction. "My name's Detective Jason Jenks, and I'm with the Washington State
Police Missing Persons Unit. Is there an Isabella Swan here?"
I tensed up, my heart starting to pound forcefully at his words. "What do you want with
her?" I asked instinctively, already fucking knowing the answer before the words rolled
from my lips. We'd known it would only be a matter of time before someone came asking
questions about Jacob's disappearance.
"We have a few questions we'd like to come in and ask her," he said. I shook my head
quickly, anger and panic surging through me.
"She has nothing to say to you," I spat. "And there's no way in hell you're coming inside."
"We could get a warrant and come back for her," he said, shrugging casually. "It doesn't
matter either way. Whatever you prefer."
My mind started frantically sorting through ideas, trying to figure out how the fuck to get
her out of talking to them, but before I could settle on anything my father's voice rang out
behind me.
"Let them in."
I turned quickly to see him standing on the stairs and gaped at him, stunned he'd fucking
say such a thing. "Excuse me?" I asked, knowing I had to have heard him wrong because
my father would never willingly invite law enforcement into his home if he had any other
choice.
"You heard me, Edward," he said, descending the last few steps into the foyer. "Just let
them ask their questions and get it over with so they'll leave her alone. There's no sense in
dragging it out."
"No way," I spat as I shook my head, and I was about to ask him if he'd fucking lost his
mind when Emmett interrupted.
"Where the hell's the food? I'm fucking starving here," he hollered, stepping out of the
living room and glancing toward the front door. He froze when he saw the police, his eyes
wide with shock. "Whoa, shit, definitely not the pizza guy! What the fuck did you do now,
Edward?"
I groaned in annoyance, aggravated he'd automatically suspect it was my fucking fault,

although I knew it wasn't exactly that far of a stretch. There was a loud gasp to my right
and followed by a crash, and I turned quickly to see Isabella standing in the doorway to the
kitchen. She was staring at us, panic etched in her features, with a broken glass lying in a
puddle of soda at her feet. I cursed, realizing she'd dropped a fucking drink, and hurried
over to help her but my father beat me to it.
"Show them in," he said firmly, putting his hand up to stop me, his expression telling me he
meant business. Isabella started picking up the glass, her hands shaking, and my father
crouched down to help her. I hesitated, annoyed, but begrudgingly led the police officers
into the living room. The detective took a seat on the couch while the chief of police
lingered around in the back, nervously wringing his hands together. I knew he was fucking
afraid of my father and ventured to guess he suspected at least part of what happened to
Jacob and obviously wanted nothing to do with being there while it was investigated. He'd
taken bribes from my father before and knew his job, and possibly his life, was on the line if
things went wrong. My brothers excused themselves and took their girlfriends upstairs to
get out of the way, and I stood in the hallway watching as my father said something quietly
to Isabella. She nodded hesitantly, still nervously fumbling with the glass, and he smiled as
he reached over to cup her chin. She looked up at him and he said something else, a small
smile curving her lips at his words. I watched curiously, wondering what kind of fucking
game my father was playing as they stood up to head our direction.
Isabella sat down carefully in a chair and I sat on the arm of it, not wanting to leave her. My
father took a seat in another chair as the detective cleared his throat. "We'd like to speak to
her alone" he said, but my father shook his head, refusing.
"Not happening," he said, matter-of-fact. "I was kind enough to invite you inside my house,
but I won't be put out by you. If you have questions, there is no reason why you can't ask
them in my presence."
"Fine," he said, sighing with annoyance. "Isabella, do you know Jacob Black?"
Isabella started picking at her fingernails nervously, chewing on her bottom lip. "Yes. Well,
I know who he is, but I didn't really know him that well. Or, I mean, I don't... not didn't,"
she stammered, her panic flaring as her eyes darted toward me. I sighed and reached over
to rub her back, wishing she'd just relax. She hadn't done anything wrong and had no
goddamn reason to worry.
"When's the last time you saw him?" he asked.
"It was the twenty-second of September," she responded hesitantly. "It was the night of
Edward's football game."
"And did anything out of the ordinary happen at the game?" he asked.
"I kicked his ass," I chimed in, wanting to spare her from having to recount the shit. "That's
not really out of the ordinary, though. It's no secret he and I hate each other."
"And after the fight was broken up? What happened then?"
"He ran off," I said, shrugging. "Just like every other fucking time we fought."
"Was that the last time you saw him also, Mr. Cullen?" he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.
"No, I saw him a week after that when I was taking the SATs at the high school," I stated.
"Why?"
"For shits and giggles. Why does anyone take the fucking SATs?" I asked, annoyed.
"I'm not asking you why you took the SATs. I'm asking why he was there," Detective Jenks
said impatiently.
"He was there to see me," I responded, knowing what he meant the first time but not
wanting to answer that fucking question. I figured they already knew anyway, because too
many people had witnessed the exchange for us to ever be able to hide it. "He came to tell
me that Isabella wanted me to come straight home."
"And what happened then?" he asked.
"Exactly what happens every other fucking time you get the two of us together."
"A fight," he said, nodding as if it were no surprise. "And after the fight, you never saw him
again?"
"Nope."
"And the last time you saw him, Isabella, was the night of the twenty-second at the football
stadium?" he asked, glancing at her. She hesitated before shaking her head.
"I saw him later that night. I called him and he met me by the cliffs in La Push," she
explained. "We talked for a while and then I went home."
"And that was the last time you saw him?"
"Yes," she said, her eyes darting across the room to my father. He nodded, the movement
so slight that I barely saw it.
"Can you tell me about the phone calls you placed to him on September thirtieth?" the
detective asked.
"Uh, yeah. I couldn't get a hold of Edward, so I called Jacob to ask him to get Edward for
me," she said. "I, uh... I wasn't feeling good and I wanted him to come home."
"And you thought that was wise?" he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
"Considering how much the two of them apparently fought, you didn't think that might not
be the smartest idea?"
She shrugged. "He was the only one I knew in town that could do it," she said. "I realized it
was stupid later and called Jacob back to tell him to forget about it, but it was too late."
"And that was the last time you spoke to him?" he asked. She nodded.
"I never heard from him again after that day," she whispered, sadness in her voice.
"Do any of you have any idea what might've happened to Jacob?" he asked. I shook my
head and Isabella sighed.
"Yes," she said quietly. I tensed up and looked at her incredulously, my heart starting to
pound erratically as I wondered what the fuck she was doing.
"And what's that?"
"The night on the cliff, he said there was nothing left here for him and talked about leaving,
just disappearing, to start over somewhere new where nobody knew who he was. I thought
maybe he was just venting because he was upset, but I wonder now if that was exactly what
he intended," she said. "I, uh... I can't help but think that it's my fault, because I called him.
Like if I hadn't involved him in things, this wouldn't have happened."
My chest tightened and I was overwhelmed with guilt as the detective stood up to leave.
"You can't blame yourself for decisions other people make, Miss Swan" he said. "I
appreciate your time. If you think of anything else, please give me a call." He pulled out a
business card, holding it out to Isabella, and she took it gingerly. My father stood up to
show the police to the door, and Isabella and I sat for a moment, the tension in the room
mounting.
"Do you really think that?" I asked, unable to stand the silence. "Do you seriously believe
what happened to Jacob was your fault?"
"Of course," she said quietly. "If I hadn't..."
"You can't blame yourself," I interrupted. "That's fucking ridiculous, Isabella. You didn't
cause this."
"But I did," she said, shaking her head. "Don't you see, Edward? All of it was me, all
because I'm some princi- whatever! Your mother and Jacob both lost their lives trying to
help me, and you gave yours away trying to save me! How much more is going to happen
because of me?"
"I won't let you take on that fucking burden," I snapped. "You were innocent, Isabella. You
did nothing wrong! How many times do I have to tell you that before you finally get it?
Everything that happened, happened for a fucking reason. It pisses me off that my mother
is gone, it fucking hurts, and I hate that Jacob died, but you didn't cause any of it. And
don't you dare feel guilty because I initiated. I made the choice, I went into that room
willingly and took that oath, so if you want to blame anyone for it you need to blame me. I
did it because I wanted to save you, not because I had to. I did it because I love you,
Isabella, and you didn't force me to fucking love you. I did that shit all on my own. I don't
regret any of it and I never will, because it's all worth it now that you're free!"
"Am I?" she asked, her eyes welling up with tears. "Am I free, Edward?"
"Of course you're free," I said, my brow furrowing in confusion at her question. "Why
wouldn't you be?"
"I don't know," she said, shaking her head as the tears started running down her cheeks. "I
don't even know what it means to be free."
"It means you can do anything you want, Isabella," I said exasperatedly. "Go where you
want to go, be what you want to be, whatever. You have choices, you can follow your
fucking dreams."
"Can I?" she asked, her expression telling me she didn't believe me. I nodded and she
laughed bitterly, wiping her tears. "Can you?"
I froze, her question catching me off guard. "No," I said hesitantly.
"Then how can I?" she asked, her voice cracking from distress. "How can I be free if you're
not, Edward?"
I stared at her, having no idea how to answer that fucking question. "I, uh... I think..." I
started as my cell phone began ringing in my pocket and shattered my train of thought. I
groaned and pulled it out, glancing at the screen to see it was Aro. I looked at Isabella
cautiously and she sighed, standing up without a word and starting out of the room. "Wait,
Isabella. Just wait, okay?"
She stopped near the hallway and turned to look at me, the tears still falling from her eyes.
My phone continued to ring in my hand and I groaned, knowing I needed to answer it.
"Yes, sir?" I said, taking a few steps over toward the couch to sit down.
"You don't like answering promptly, do you?" he asked impatiently.
"Sorry, sir," I muttered, dropping my head and running my hand through my hair
anxiously.
"It's fine. I'm just calling to ensure that everything went smoothly this morning," he said.
"Uh, yeah. I handled it," I said. "Do you want me to wire the money to you or deposit it in
an account somewhere?"
"No, you can hold onto it for a few days," he said. "You can deliver it to me after Christmas
when you arrive back in Chicago."
"Excuse me?" I said, caught off guard by his words.
"I have been more than accommodating with your situation, but we're trying to rebuild and
fill in the cracks left from these recent unfortunate incidents. Alec has recovered and is
already getting back into the swing of things, so I feel it's time you start adapting," he said.
"That soon?" I asked hesitantly, gripping onto my hair tightly in frustration.
"It's been almost two months, Edward. All of the loose ends have been tied up in
Washington, so there's no more business to deal with," he said. "There's nothing left there
for you."
"Fine," I said, knowing there was no fucking arguing with him. He had made his decision
and nothing would change his mind on it.
"Good, I'm glad that's settled. Buon Natale, dear boy. I'll see you soon," he said.
"You, too, sir," I muttered, hanging up. "Fuck." I glanced across the room in a panic,
wondering how much Isabella had heard and if she would understand any of it, and
frowned when I saw the hallway was deserted.
She hadn't waited for me, after all.
I got up and headed for the stairs, walking up them slowly as I tried to figure out what the
hell I was going to do. I was frazzled and confused, everything falling apart right in front of
me and I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do about any of it. I hesitantly
walked to my father's office, not knowing where else to turn. I lightly tapped on the door,
not even sure if he would have gone there after showing the police out, and pushed it open
a moment later to glance inside.
He was sitting at his desk with his phone to his ear, seemingly unaware of my presence. I
watched as he drummed his fingers impatiently on the arm of his chair, listening to
whomever was on the line.
"That's unacceptable to me," he said after a moment. "I can't do that."
There was a pause while he listened, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I understand your
situation, but you need to understand mine. I have a family I need to consider, and you
may not care about them, but I do," he said firmly. "This is my life we're talking about, so
don't even try to give me that shit! Don't you dare patronize me. If you want me to respect
and trust you, I expect the same in return or this conversation is over and never happened.
I don't need you to make this out to be something it isn't, and I don't appreciate being lied
to."
I shifted position, the movement drawing my father's attention. He stared at me with panic
in his eyes, clearing his throat after a second. "I have to go. We'll finish discussing this
later."
He hung up without giving the person a chance to respond and sat the phone down on his
desk, still eyeing me. "Who was that?" I asked.
"Lawyer," he said quickly, folding his hands together in his lap.
"Your lawyer?" I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. "What were you doing, negotiating
plea bargains? Trying to bribe your way out of it?"
"If only it were that easy," he said, laughing awkwardly. "More like trying to settle things
before they start tying the knot on my noose."
"That bad?" I asked, frowning. My father and I may not have been close over the years, but
I didn't like the thought of losing him. I'd fucking lost enough as it was.
"Yes, it's that bad," he said. "It's not as easy to get out of these things as it used to be. We
used to be able to buy our way out of anything, but the organization's power and respect
seems to have less influence than even our money these days."
I looked at him with surprise, stunned that he and I had more in common than I thought.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked, shutting the door and walking over to take a seat.
"Sure," he said, leaning back in his chair and watching me curiously.
"Do you regret ever initiating?" I asked.
He hesitated, contemplating my question and probably wondering how much he should

fucking tell me. "No, I can't say I do. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, but taking
the oath for your mother... I just can't regret that. I wish it had been different, I wish I
wouldn't have had to, but the fact remains that I did. It was necessary, and I would do it
again in a heartbeat," he said. "You know, I was furious when Esme told me what you'd
done, and as much as I still hate it, I get it now, son. In fact, I probably shouldn't have been
surprised at all, considering who your parents are. It's the same thing I did for your
mother, and the same thing she eventually did for Isabella. In a way it's genetic, I suppose-
ingrained in your DNA. You would've sacrificed for her eventually, someway, somehow.
You are your mother's child, after all."
"Yeah, well, apparently I'm yours, too," I mumbled. "Men of Honor, and all."
He cracked a smile, shaking his head. "Apparently," he said. "So, is there a reason you're
asking me that question? Are you regretting..."
"No," I said quickly. "I love her and I'd never regret it; I'd fucking do anything fox her. It's
just, Christ... I know it was necessary and everything, but I can't help but feel like I fucked
up."
"I understand," he said. "To this day I still feel that way to an extent. I initiated to save your
mother from slavery, and all I did in the end was tie her down anyway. I took her straight
from one dangerous world to another, and it was dressed up pretty and called another
name, but it wasn't that much different in hindsight. I loved your mother, and I always will,
but I think my biggest mistake was not letting her go. She never got to truly be free, out in
the world where no one knew what she had been."
He was quiet for a moment, drumming his fingers again, and I stared at him with shock.
"Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade the years I had with your mother for anything, and I
surely wouldn't give up you boys. You were the only things I felt like I ever did right in my
life. But I'll never forgive myself for not giving her a chance to go off on her own. She never
got to experience life with no strings attached, and honestly I'm not even sure if she would
have wanted to, but the point is I never gave her the chance. I know she loved me, and I
know having you boys made her happier than she ever imagined she'd be, but I don't think
she even realized she ever had another option. I sacrificed to give her choices in life, and
then I never even told her she had them. I can't help but wonder, all these years later, how
different things would be had I have let her go."
"She would never have left you," I said, shaking my head. "She loved you too much."
"She didn't know any better," he said. "And that's the point, really. I blame myself for that.
In retrospect, I feel like she never got to choose to be with me, she just was."
"That's why I feel like I fucked up," I said quietly. "Isabella just asked how she could ever be
free if I wasn't, and I hadn't realized until then exactly what I had done. I made a decision
about our life together, and she's just supposed to fucking accept it. I just figured I could
keep those parts of my life separate."
"Yeah, I thought the same thing at your age," he muttered. "And I can tell you from
experience that it isn't easy living as a fractured man."
"I see that."
"Anyway, have you two discussed your future yet?" he asked. I shook my head, running my
hand through my hair anxiously.
"No, but I guess I'm running out of time, considering I'm expected in Chicago after
Christmas," I said. "Apparently Aro thinks he's been patient enough." "I'm not surprised,"
my father responded. "Are you going to be okay?" I laughed bitterly. "I'll be fine. It's her
I'm worried about."
"I wouldn't worry so much about her. She's strong and will pull through, no matter what,"
he said. "Anyway, while you're here, there's something I want to give you."
He opened his top desk drawer and fumbled around in it for a moment before pulling out a
set of keys. He tossed them at me and I caught them as he shut the drawer again. "What are
these?" I asked in confusion, holding them up.
"They're keys," he said sarcastically, laughing as I rolled my eyes. "They're for the house in
Chicago. I'm assuming you'll need somewhere to live while you're there, and I obviously
have no use for it."
"Are you sure?" I asked with surprise.
"Yes, I'm sure," he said. "It shouldn't sit there empty. Your mother would be happy it could
be of use to you."
"Thanks," I said, standing up and stretching. "Anyway, I'll leave you alone now, so you can
call back whoever the fuck it was you were really talking to. There's no way it was Mr.
Ricci, because he isn't exactly the kind of motherfucker to sugar-coat shit for anyone."
He stared at me for a moment, not offering up any comment on what I had said. I turned to
walk out and he cleared his throat, stopping me. "Ascoltare il tuo cuore," he said quietly,
recounting a phrase my mother had said all the fucking time when we were young.
"Remember that and I'm sure you'll do the right thing. Like I said, you are your mother's
child."
I nodded and stepped out into the hallway, quickly trying to sort through everything that
had happened in the course of one goddamn day. It was fucking strange, but as I thought
back to what Ben had said that afternoon, a sense of resolve came over me once again. My
chest ached as I thought about Isabella's question and the distress she'd shown during her
outburst, while my father's words of advice from just moments before replayed in my mind.
Ascoltare il tuo cuore. Listen to your heart.
In that moment, it felt like everything came together and I finally fucking knew what I was
supposed to do. I walked over to my brother's bedroom door, hesitating for a brief second
as I reconsidered, before ultimately reaching my hand up to knock.
I couldn't fucking be selfish anymore and just keep pretending that things would be fine. I
needed to do something to make sure of it.
"I think I'll have to take you up on your offer," I said as soon as he opened the door. "I'm
going to need your help."
He stared at me apprehensively, his eyes scanning my face. He didn't seem surprised by my
words, and I suspected he'd known all along that I'd eventually fucking admit that I
couldn't do it all alone. He reached out after a moment and clasped my shoulder, nodding.
"You got it."
Chapter 74 Garden of Simple
"But in the garden of simple, where all of us are nameless, you were never
anything but beautiful to me."- Ani DiFranco
"Merry Christmas."
I jumped, startled by the unexpected voice, and turned my attention away from the
window. Esme walked in the kitchen where I stood and smiled warmly, her expression soft
as she gazed at me. I was surprised to see her up so early, since the sun was just barely
starting to rise and I knew she and Alec had to have gotten in quite late the night before.
They'd anticipated arriving days earlier, but Alec apparently got held up with business and
couldn't make it out of Chicago for their planned flight.
"Merry Christmas," I said quietly, smiling back politely. I watched as she walked over to the
pantry and started rooting around inside, mumbling to herself. She was dressed nicely in a
gray long-sleeved dress and a pair of matching high heels, her hair cascading down her
back in waves and her makeup freshly applied. She looked completely opposite of how she
had the last time I'd seen her and she seemed to have her spark back, compassion and
gentleness radiating from her. It was motherly in a way, instantly making me feel at ease in
her presence.
"Isn't it awfully early to be awake?" she asked, finally closing the pantry and turning back to
me.
"I guess so," I said. "I couldn't sleep."
"Can you ever?" she asked, raising her eyebrows questioningly. "You don't exactly look
well-rested."
I shrugged hesitantly. "I just have a lot on my mind," I mumbled. "Why are you up so early?
If you don't mind me asking, that is..."
"Of course I don't mind. You can ask me anything, Isabella," she said. "And to answer your
question, I'm up because today's Christmas and if you recall from last year, I handle
Christmas dinner."
"Oh," I said, surprised. "I kind of figured since you got in so late that I'd just start it."
"Well, you figured wrong," she said, smiling once more. "You need to relax and just forget
about everything for one day, allow yourself to have some fun. After all, you'll only be
seventeen once, so you ought to enjoy it while you can. Before you know it, you'll be old and
turning gray like me."
"Your hair isn't gray," I said, my brow furrowing as I stared at her. The room was dim, the
only light a subtle glow filtering in the window, but I was sure I didn't see any.
She laughed. "That's only because I have a good hairstylist that covers it all up for me. I'd
be completely gray if it weren't for that, thanks to my husband's line of work. I'm sure you'll
know all about that before long, though."
"I'm sure," I mumbled, nervously toying with the hem of my shirt. I wasn't sure what else
to say but I could feel her eyes on me, obviously awaiting a better response.
"Are you okay, kiddo?" she asked when the silence grew awkward. "Things are fine
between you and Edward, aren't they?"
"I guess so," I said, sighing. "We haven't talked about things, so I really don't know what's
going on. He claims that nothing's changed and I'm free to follow my dreams, but I just
don't see how I can be free when he's not. I can't even comprehend him being that way,
honestly. That's not Edward."
"You're right, it's not," she said. "And it wasn't Carlisle, either, believe it or not. I remember
Elizabeth's fear over his initiation. She said almost that same thing to me that you just said
and had the same worries that you do. You could probably learn a lot from their
experience."
"That's what Dr. Cullen said," I mumbled. "He gave me her journal to read."
"And have you?"
"A bit of it," I responded, shrugging. “I don't think Edward likes me having it, so I don't
pull it out when he's around."
"Well, I think you should read it," she said, smiling. "Edward will get over it. His mother
has always been a touchy subject with him. I'm probably the only person that was ever
brave enough to talk to him about what happened to her. Everyone always walked on
eggshells around him, but I always believed what he really needed was someone who wasn't
afraid to dig in deep and get under his skin a bit. Edward needs someone to pull him to the
surface and keep him there, or else he'll sink into his pit of blackness and shut himself off
from everyone."
"He does," I said quietly. "He told me he always felt like he was drowning."
"And you came along and saved him. It's just like how Elizabeth showed Carlisle what love
was, and how I made Alec feel something, finally. That's a bond that can never be
forgotten, Isabella," she responded. "You do love him, don't you?"
"Of course," I said, nodding. My eyes welled up with tears at the question, one slipping
down my cheek. I brushed it away quickly, clearing my throat as I tried to control the swell
of emotion. "I love him more than anything."
"And you're worried about what's going to happen to him now?" she asked. I nodded and
she smiled sympathetically. "Then I'll tell you the same thing I told Elizabeth all those years
ago. She was afraid the man she loved would disappear in the midst of the violence and
mayhem his life would become, but the truth, Isabella, is that they don't change if they have
a reason not to. He'll always be the same Edward you love deep down inside. I'm not going
to lie and tell you nothing will change, because some things will. He'll keep secrets, and as
much as you'll hate it, you'll realize they're things you don't want to know. Plus, I think it's
easier for them to not bring that stuff home, to keep it separate. It helps them to know they
have a sanctuary, that one place they can go to and just be themselves, and not have to be a
Mafiosi for a while. I know a little bit of what my husband's done, and once upon a time I'd
question him about things, but I don't anymore because I trust him. I hate that he does it,
but I know he only does it to survive. It's kill or be killed, and I don't like my husband
killing people, but I selfishly prefer it to him being killed."
She paused, eyeing me curiously. "I imagine you're probably scared right now because
there are so many unknowns, but like I said, he'll still be Edward. He'll see things he'll wish
he could forget, and he'll have a lot of guilt over things he can't control, but don't we all?
Edward's always been haunted by things, but you gave him hope and made him feel alive
again. That won't change either, Isabella. Your love will still be what saves him from
drowning."
"Will it?" I asked, more tears falling. "It doesn't feel like it."
"That's because he's scared, too, sweetie," she said, reaching out for me. She wrapped her
arms around me and pulled me into a hug, her hand stroking my hair just as my mother
had when I was younger. "You're scared for him, and he's scared for you, but neither of you
seem to realize that can be a good thing. You kids love each other and instead of bonding
over it, you're shutting down."
A throat cleared behind us and Esme let go of me quickly, turning to look. I tensed up when
I saw Alec leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest. "Am I
interrupting?"
"No, sir," I said quickly, dropping my gaze to the floor.
"Of course you are," Esme chimed in with a laugh. "We were having girl talk."
"So I heard," he responded. "And what happened to staying out of it? I thought we
agreed..."
"And I thought you knew me better than that," Esme said, cutting him off. I glanced at her
quickly, stunned anyone would talk to Alec that way.
"I do," he said. "But I'd hoped you would listen to common sense for once. Meddling in
other people's affairs..."
"...only gets people hurt," she said, cutting him off once more. "I know, Alec. I've heard you
say it a million times, but standing by and doing nothing while people are already hurting
is just as bad to me. Don't we do that enough? They're just kids, for Heaven's sake."
"Edward is an adult," Alec retorted. "What he chooses to do in his private life is none of our
business. It's the only part of his life that is his now. Give him the respect he deserves to
handle it as he sees fit."
"Have you forgotten you vouched for her?" Esme interjected.
"Сiо nоn signifies che io controllo la ragazza," he snapped in response, shooting me a

quick glance that sent a chill down my spine. His tone was harsh and intimidating and
Esme narrowed her eyes at him angrily. I had never seen the two of them argue before, and
the fact that it seemed to be because of me was very upsetting.
"Hanno paura, Alec! Ё il tuo dovere di aiutarlal"
"II mio unico dovere ё quello di guardare" he responded coldly.
"Like Elizabeth was watched?" Esme asked, raising her eyebrows questioningly. "You kept
telling me to stay out of it, to mind my own business and let them handle it when it was
clear they had no idea what they were doing. A lot of good it did then, huh? We could've
helped!"
"Elizabeth was not my responsibility," he stated.
"You're right, she wasn't," Esme responded, shaking her head. "But Isabella is"
Alec stood silently and stared at her, his expression unreadable. Esme stared right back,
her gaze unwavering, and the tension in the room mounted with each passing second. It
was uncomfortable and I started fidgeting nervously, feeling dizzy as the blood rushed
through me furiously.
"I, uh... I shouldn't be here," I whispered, bolting for the door. I made it to the foyer before
Alec's firm voice rang out, the sound of it stopping me dead in my tracks.
"Stop."
"Grazie" Esme said quietly as footsteps echoed behind me. I turned around as Alec walked
into the foyer, and he glanced at me briefly before heading for the living room. I watched
him for a second, unsure of what to do and startled by the limp he now had in his walk, a
pang of guilt hitting me when I realized it was because of the incident at the warehouse. He
shot me an impatient look when he saw I was still standing there and I realized that he
expected me to follow him. He sat down in a chair right inside the living room and I
hesitantly walked over to the couch, sitting down gingerly on the edge of it.
The room was dim and eerily quiet, the only sound coming from the clock on the wall
nearby. My anxiety grew with each tick, my hands shaking as Alec gazed at me.
"Did anyone explain the vouching process to you, Isabella?" he asked finally, breaking the
tense silence.
"Uh, Edward said it meant that if I ever went to the police or anything you'd get in trouble
for it," I said nervously. "I swear to you I never would, though. I'd never tell anyone."
"I know," he responded. "I wouldn't have vouched for you if I thought you would, but it's
more than just that, and I apologize that no one has explained that to you sooner. Your life
is your own now, and you are allowed to live it as you choose, but there are a few
limitations that you'll have to deal with because of the circumstances. First and foremost,
you can't associate with law enforcement, period. You can't be friends with a cop, you can't
go out with a cop, and you can't be a cop. If one moves in next door to you someday, move.
Don't be seen with one unless absolutely necessary and certainly never invite them in your
home. That's important Isabella, because my world isn't run like the regular world. You
aren't innocent until proven guilty here. Even giving off an air of impropriety is enough to
warrant a death sentence if the wrong people see. You got that?"
"Yes, sir."
"I have no say over your life, and frankly I don't want any say over it, but I will have to
know what you ultimately decide to do. I'll check in periodically over time, so I'll always
need a way to get in touch with you, and if you run into any problems, don't hesitate to
contact me. This goes against everything I believe because I choose to remain uninvolved
as often as possible, but as my wife so kindly reminded me, looking out for you is my duty. I
want you to be successful in life and I'll help you if you ever require it. Okay?"
"Okay," I mumbled, looking at him with surprise. "Thank you, sir."
"You're welcome. As far as Edward goes, he'll adapt quickly so worrying for him is
unnecessary. The truth, Isabella, is that none of us are either all good or all bad. Sometimes
good people do bad things, just as bad people can do good. Saying that also goes against
everything I've always stood for, because up until recently I viewed the world as being black
and white, but I've come to see the gray that exists in between. Edward will come to realize
that soon enough himself, and how he deals with it depends on which category he falls
into," he said.
"He's a good man," I whispered.
"I believe so, too. I also believe the same of Carlisle, despite the situation he's put me in,"
he responded. "As far as I go, however, the jury's still out."
As soon as the words came from his lips a light laugh filtered in from the hallway, and we
both glanced over to see Esme heading in our direction. "Don't be absurd. Of course you're
a good man," she said, walking over and sitting down on the other side of the couch from
me.
"You're merely blinded by love," Alec responded.
"Who's blinded by love?" an unexpected voice said from the hallway. I glanced over and
saw Dr. Cullen, freshly showered and wearing a casual button up shirt and slacks. He had a
smile on his lips, appearing happy and at ease for the first time in a long time.
"Your sister is," Alec said. Dr. Cullen laughed as he walked across the room, sitting down in
a chair.
"I don't doubt it. She always sees good in people that no one else can."
"That's because you idiots are blind, not me," Esme retorted.
"Christ, you're all fucking blind," Edward's voice rang out as he staggered in the room,
appearing disheveled and still half asleep. His hair was sticking up all over the place, his
flannel pajama pants slung low on his hips and his chest bare. I stared at him with surprise,
stunned he was already awake. "Can any of you read fucking clocks? It's early as hell.
There's no reason for anyone to be up at this damn hour on Christmas, unless you're
fucking five years old and waiting for Santa. I hate to break it to you, but that motherfucker
doesn't come here anymore. All of you are on the fucking naughty list."
"Isn't that hypocritical, considering you're up at this hour, too?" Dr. Cullen asked.
"I'm only up because my bed was empty and I came to find out why," he muttered, flopping
down on the couch beside me. I blushed as he threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled
me toward him, leaning his head over on top of mine as I snuggled up to him. "Buon
natale, tesoro"
"Merry Christmas, Edward," I whispered. "I got up to start the turkey. Does that mean I'm
on the naughty list, too?"
"No, not yet, but I got some ideas on how to get you there," he said playfully. My blush
deepened and he chuckled, squeezing me. "Did you get it started?"
"Uh, no. Esme said she was doing it."
"That's right. I forced her out of the kitchen, told her to relax today and have some fun,"
Esme chimed in. "Although, to be honest, I'm not sure any of you know how to anymore. I
mean, I'm disappointed that you don't even have a Christmas tree. What kind of holiday
celebration is this?"
"I never understood the point of a Christmas tree, personally," Alec said. "Why would you
kill something to celebrate a birth?"
"I think the point is that even when you cut an evergreen down, it continues to thrive," Dr.
Cullen said. "An undying object, no matter what man does to it, it doesn't fade away. It's
symbolic for the crucifixion and resurrection."
"Actually, I'm quite sure it's Pagan," Esme said.
"Then why do you want a tree?" Alec asked, glancing at his wife.
"Because it's a Christmas tradition," Esme said, shrugging. "It represents everlasting life."
"Isn't that what I just said?" Dr. Cullen asked.
"That makes no sense to me. Wouldn't it be more symbolic if you allowed it to just grow
like it's supposed to?" Alec asked.
"Christ, are you seriously debating goddamn Christmas trees?" Edward asked, groaning as
he let go of me. "It's a tree that you put colored balls and frilly bullshit and lights on for
something to do. That's it! It symbolizes nothing, except for the fact that we apparently
have nothing better to do in life but dress up fucking trees."
He stood up and rubbed his eyes briefly before holding his hand out to me. I took it and he
pulled me to my feet, starting to lead me from the room. "Where are we going?" I asked.
"You'll see," he grumbled. I followed him upstairs, watching him with confusion when he
hesitated on the second floor. He glanced at me briefly and cracked a smile, his eyes
lighting up suddenly as he let go of my hand. He walked over and started loudly pounding
on Emmett's bedroom door before going for Jasper's. "Rise and shine, motherfuckers!"
Emmett hollered incoherently from inside his room and the door was pulled open roughly
after a moment, an irritated expression on his face as he narrowed his eyes at us. "What the
hell, bro? Have you seen the fucking time? I was in the middle of the best dream!"
"About what?" I asked curiously.
"Anna Kournikova," he said quietly as he stepped into the hallway, nudging Edward with
his elbow and waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "She was playing with my balls and
racket, man."
"What the hell did you just say?" Rosalie's voice spat from inside Emmett's bedroom. He
tensed up and shook his head quickly.
"Nothing, baby," he hollered. My brow furrowed as Edward burst out in laughter, and
Jasper's bedroom door opened.
"What are you guys doing?" he asked, glancing between us all in confusion. His eyes fell
upon me, a sad expression on his face, and I shrugged, having no idea what was going on.
"You're such a fucking dumbass," Edward said, shoving Emmett. "Hey Rosalie, Emmett
said he was dreaming..."
Before Edward could finish his statement Emmett lunged at him and I gasped, jumping out
of the way quickly before they knocked me over. Emmett threw him to the ground and they
started rolling around, punching each other as they wrestled, trying to get the upper hand
over the other. I glanced at Jasper in shock, waiting for him to try to break the two of them
up, but he shook his head.
"I remember hearing once that you should never come between two fighting animals or
they're likely to turn on you," he said playfully, taking a few steps in my direction. He held
his arms out and pulled me into a hug, smiling. "Plus, I have no idea what's going on, so
there's no way I'm getting involved. Merry Christmas, by the way."
"Yeah, Merry Christmas, little sis," Emmett hollered. I glanced over, seeing he had Edward
pinned to the ground, but Edward wasn't giving up. He was punching his brother and
flailing around, trying to break free from his grasp.
"Merry Christmas," I said.

"Christ, get off of me!" Edward yelled, jabbing Emmett hard in the side. Emmett gasped
and loosened his grip enough for Edward to wiggle free, and he jumped up quickly.
Emmett stood up and glared at his brother again like he was going to pounce, but Edward
held his hands up defensively. "Alright, I won't say shit."
"That's what I thought," Emmett said smugly, shoving into Edward as he grinned.
"Won't say shit about what?" Rosalie asked, stepping out into the hallway. She crossed her
arms over her chest and glanced around at us, waiting for someone to respond. Her eyes
fell on me after a moment when no one offered up an answer, and she cocked an eyebrow
expectantly. "Isabella?"
I froze, her glare sending my heart racing. "Uh, Emmett had a dream," I muttered,
uncomfortable being put on the spot. "It was about Anna Karenina or something, I think."
The boys all started laughing and I blushed from embarrassment as Rosalie's brow
furrowed. "What?"
"She means Anna Kournikova," Jasper chuckled.
"Oh," I mumbled, realizing my mistake. "Yeah, her."
Rosalie groaned and rolled her eyes, reaching out to smack Emmett in the back of the head.
He cursed and moved away from her, rubbing the spot she'd hit. "Damn, baby. You know
you're my number one," he mumbled, turning to glare at Edward. "This is all your fault.
Why the hell did you wake us up in the first place?"
"Christ, I was going to suggest we go get a fucking Christmas tree," Edward grumbled,
rubbing his neck with an annoyed expression on his face. "No need to be a dick."
"Shit, really? Why didn't you say something sooner? I'll get dressed," Emmett said, his face
suddenly lighting up as he punched Edward in the chest. He grabbed Rosalie and she
squealed as he picked her up, tossing her over his shoulder. "Come on, baby!"
"Put me the fuck down, Emmett Cullen," she hollered, pounding on his back with her first.
Emmett laughed, unfazed, and kicked the door closed with his foot as they disappeared
inside the bedroom.
"I'll call Alice," Jasper said quietly, finally letting go of me. He gave me a small smile,
nodding at Edward in greeting before heading for his room.
I followed Edward upstairs and we both showered and dressed quickly. Jasper was already
outside sitting on the porch, deep in conversation with Alice when we returned downstairs.
Esme was in the kitchen, cooking, and I glanced down the hallway to see both Dr. Cullen
and Alec still sitting in the living room. Dr. Cullen's head was lowered and his hands were
clasped in front of him as he spoke quietly as Alec stared at him and listened intently. I
watched quietly for a moment until Edward came up behind me, wrapping his arms around
my waist and pulling me back into him. I tilted my head to the side as he leaned in and
kissed my neck gently, humming against my skin.
"My father's up to something," he said quietly, the words only loud enough for me to hear. I
glanced back, seeing the suspicious look on Edward's face as he watched his father.
"What?" I asked curiously.
"I really wish I fucking knew," he muttered. "But desperate times call for desperate
measures, so if I know him like I think I do, whatever it is has to be drastic."
"You think there's trouble?" I asked, somewhat panicked but trying to hold it in so as not to
alarm him. He laughed dryly.
"Of course there's trouble. When isn't there?" he asked sarcastically. "But after as much
energy as he put into trying to spare us from this bullshit, I don't think he'd do anything to
make it worse on us. It's him I'm worried about, actually. I have a feeling he plans to go out
with a bang, quite fucking literally... blaze of glory and all that bullshit."
"Really?" I asked, stunned. I glanced back down the hallway and saw that Alec had a stern
expression on his face, whispering feverishly to Dr. Cullen as he sat still as a statue. They
seemed to be arguing so no one could hear, the conversation obviously serious.
"Yes. Calm before the storm, tesoro," he mumbled. "I'm just waiting on the lightning to
start striking motherfuckers down."
I stood frozen for a moment, frightened and unsure of what to say, but before I could figure
it out there was a commotion on the stairs. I looked over and watched as Emmett came
sliding down the banister, leaping off of it with a grin when he reached the bottom. Rosalie
descended the stairs slowly, not appearing very amused at his behavior, and barely even
glanced at us when she reached the bottom.
Emmett headed for the living room and both Dr. Cullen and Alec glanced up at him,
silencing their conversation immediately. Edward and I slowly walked in that direction out
of curiosity, but Rosalie stood impatiently by the front door. "I need a saw or an axe and
some rope or bungee cords or something," Emmett declared.
"What for?" Dr. Cullen asked.
"What does anyone need that shit for?" Emmett asked. Dr. Cullen looked at him curiously,
a small smile overcoming his lips and Emmett shook his head. "Never mind, don't even
answer that question. I don't want to know. We're going to chop down a tree."
"Oh," Dr. Cullen said, laughing as he stood up. "Hold on a minute, I have some stuff in the
basement."
"In the dungeon?" Edward asked.
"It's not a dungeon, son," Dr. Cullen responded, pulling his keys out and heading toward
the downstairs office. "It's a panic room."
Edward laughed. "Yeah, it's a fucking panic room, alright. You find yourself in that
motherfucker, you ought to start panicking."
Emmett laughed and Dr. Cullen sighed impatiently, shaking his head. He didn't bother to
respond to Edward's comment, simply disappeared into the office. He returned after a
minute and I flinched instinctively when his hand shot out clutching some rope which I
immediately recognized as the same he'd used to tie me up. He froze and his brow
furrowed in confusion at my reaction, but it seemed to dawn on him as he handed it to
Emmett. He gave me a sympathetic look, muttering an apology as he gave his son an axe.
"I hope this is good enough," he said. "It was the first thing I spotted."
"Thanks," Emmett said, eyeing the axe curiously. "You didn't use this fucking thing to
dismember anyone, did you?"
Dr. Cullen looked at him with surprise. "Are you seriously asking me that?" he asked.
"Yes. Well, no. Don't answer that one, either. I don't want to know," he muttered, turning
to walk away. Edward chuckled and grabbed my hand, pulling me back toward the door as
Dr. Cullen yelled for us to be careful.
"Let's get this over with," Rosalie huffed, swinging the door open, her high heels clicking
against the wooden porch as she walked out. I hesitated when we reached the front door,
feeling the cold air on my face.
"Don't you need a coat?" I asked, glancing at Edward.
"No, I'll be fine," he said, looking down at himself. He was wearing thermal long-sleeves,
but it was still chilly to me with a coat on. "It's not that bad."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," he said, shrugging. "Now come on, let's go find a tree."
I followed him outside and we all headed for Jasper's SUV, but Edward hesitated in the
driveway. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys, smiling. "Let's drive
separately."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, Bella," he said, laughing. "What is it with you and that fucking question?
Don't you trust me anymore?"
"Of course I trust you," I said quickly, not realizing it sounded like I'd been second guessing
everything. "I was just asking. You know, to make sure."
"I guess it's better than just saying okay," he mumbled. "I still mean everything I say,
though. I'm not going to lie to you, Bella. Ever."
"I know."
Jasper told Edward he'd follow him, and I watched as Emmett yelled 'shotgun' and bolted
for the passenger door of the SUV. Alice and Jasper laughed at his enthusiasm but Rosalie
groaned, rolling her eyes in annoyance.
"Rosalie seems to be in a bad mood," I muttered as we climbed into Edward's Volvo. He
started the car up and immediately started fiddling with the radio, trying to find something
to listen to.
"I wasn't aware that bitch had good moods," he responded when he finally found
something he seemed to like. He watched me from the corner of his eye as I put on my
seatbelt, and hesitated but clicked his own in place after a moment. I smiled to myself as I
settled into my seat, as it was the first time I'd ever seen him willingly wear it. He groaned a
bit as he tugged on it and tried to situate himself, clearly not used to the restraints.
"Anyway, just ignore Rosalie. It makes life a lot easier."
He threw the car in gear and sped down the driveway, dirt and gravel flying as his tires
spun. "By the way, do you like my car? I don't think I ever actually asked you that shit," he
said as he set out on the road.
"Uh, yeah," I responded, surprised by the question. Edward cherished the car so it wasn't
as if anyone else's opinion actually mattered, because there would be no changing his mind
on it. "It's a nice car. Feels warm and familiar, I guess, so it's comfortable. That might just
be because it's yours, though."
He smiled and nodded, providing no commentary on my strange answer. I knew nothing

about cars, so that had been the best I could come up with. Edward drove for a while,
randomly making turns down roads I'd never been on before and chatting nonchalantly
about whatever came to his mind. The weather, television and music... it was how things
had been between us for quite some time. It seemed as if we were always talking but it was
never about anything of importance, neither one of us venturing into any topics that could
cause any upset. It felt like it was starting to weigh us down, the air between us thick with
secrets to the point that it was almost stifling sometimes.
After about thirty minutes he pulled onto a dirt road, following it for a bit before pulling
over beside a brown wooden rail fence. It extended as far as I could see, surrounding a vast
patch of trees and a wooden building with a white sign reading 'Spillman Tree Farm'. He
turned the car off and I looked around as we climbed out, spotting the small 'closed sign in
the window of the building. I slowly walked over to the fence and grabbed onto it as I
stared at the sign.
"They're not open, Edward," I said as he joined me alongside the fence. Jasper pulled up
and parked behind us, all four of them getting out and joining us. "The sign says they
closed on the twenty-first."
"I know," he said. I glanced at him with confusion and he smirked, shrugging as if it didn't
matter. He gripped onto the fence and climbed it quickly, leaping off of the top. I stared at
him with shock as he held his hand out, motioning for me to join him on the other side.
"You're going to steal a tree?" I asked with disbelief.
Rosalie laughed bitterly, walking up to the fence. "Of course he is. Isn't that his thing now?"
I froze, stunned she'd say that, and Edward narrowed his eyes angrily. "Fuck you," he spat
at her. "You don't know a goddamn thing, so shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for
you."
"Hey now," Emmett said, throwing the axe across the fence before grabbing the top and
bounding right over it. "You two need to get along. It's Christmas, for fuck's sake. You're
supposed to be holly jolly, or whatever the hell it is."
I sighed and started climbing the rails, but was startled when Emmett grabbed a hold of
me. I yelled in surprise as he lifted me in the air, pulling me across quickly and putting me
back on my feet. "Uh, thanks," I mumbled as Jasper leapt over and started helping Alice.
"Don't mention it, kitten," he said with a grin, turning to look at Rosalie. She stood on the
other side of the fence still, glaring at us all angrily with her arms crossed over her chest.
"You coming or not, Rosie?" he asked, holding his hand out to help her. She ignored it,
refusing his assistance, and complained about getting her shoes messed up as she climbed
over. Edward groaned in annoyance as he took my hand, lacing our fingers together as we
set out through the trees.
Occasionally someone would stop and point out a tree but each time Edward would find
some fault with it, deciding it wasn't good enough for us. They were all too short or too tall,
too thick or too thin, too many branches or not enough. He disregarded them because of
their color, refusing trees because of their shape, but truthfully I couldn't figure out what
the big deal was-they all looked the same to me.
"How about this one?" Jasper asked, stopping in front of an evergreen about as tall as him.
Edward glanced at it and groaned, shaking his head.
"It's too bare," he said "What happened to all the fucking needles?"
My brow furrowed as I stared at it, unsure as to what he was talking about. The branches
appeared full to me, and based upon Jasper's expression he, apparently, thought the same.
"So finicky," I mumbled, nudging Edward playfully. He rolled his eyes but smirked,
nudging me back.
"Whatever. Do you see any you like?" he asked. "You haven't said shit about any of them."
"They're just trees," Rosalie spat before I could even consider responding. "Pick one
already so we can get the hell out of here. My feet hurt."
"Maybe you should've worn some normal shoes and you wouldn't have that problem,"
Edward snapped. "Who the fuck wears high heels to cut down trees, anyway?"
"Who the hell waits until Christmas Day to do this shit?" she retorted. "If you would've
gotten off of your brooding ass and done it days ago, I wouldn't have to be here right now!"
"No one fucking made you come," Edward said angrily. "You could've stayed home."
"What, and miss out on all the fun?" she said sarcastically.
"Damnit!" Emmett snapped, losing his patience. "Stop this shit! You're going to give me a
headache."
"Well, if you'd shut your fucking girlfriend up we wouldn't have this problem," Edward
spat.
"No one shuts me up, Cullen," she snapped. "I'm my own person. I don't take orders from
anyone."
"Fuck you!" Edward spat as he tensed up, his hand gripping onto mine tightly as he fought
back his rage. I cringed and tried to pull away as Emmett got between them, holding his
hands up.
"I mean it! That's enough," he bellowed angrily. "I don't know what's gotten into you today,
but this isn't your usual playing around bullshit. I'm sick of it, so knock it the hell off. Both
of you."
I tried to tug my hand from Edward's again, his tight grip beginning to hurt, and he seemed
to notice because he loosened his hold quickly. "Pick out a tree, Bella," he muttered, still
refusing to completely let go of me.
"Uh, okay," I said hesitantly, glancing around. The morning wasn't starting out very well
and I was ready to go home, hoping things would get better there. I randomly motioned
toward a tree a few feet away, sighing. "What about that one?"
His eyes scanned it quickly and I awaited his complaint, sure he'd find a flaw in it, but was
surprised when he smirked instead. "Perfect," he said, cutting his eyes at me.
"Are you sure?" I asked. He groaned, shaking his head, and I blushed as I realized I'd used
that phrase again. "Oh, I mean, good."
"Hey, it looks good to me," Emmett said, grabbing the axe and casually holding it over his
shoulder. He brought his other hand up to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked at the
tree, deciding how to go about taking it down. I watched him for a moment, the scene
surreal, and burst into laughter when I realized he was wearing a red flannel shirt,
facial hair sprouting up along his face from having not shaved recently. They all looked at
me with surprise, and I'm sure it wasn't as funny as it seemed to me, but the truth was that
I was utterly exhausted to the point of almost being delirious. The longer I watched
Emmett the more hysterical I found it, the entire situation completely ridiculous. I started
losing my breath, tears forming in my eyes, and I pried my hand from Edward's to brush
them away as they started running down my cheeks.
"What's so funny?" Alice asked, her face lighting up with a smile as she watched me. It was
the first genuine smile I'd seen her give in a while -- she had seemed depressed the past few
days, constantly staring at Edward and me with a glum expression on her face, almost as if
she were going to start crying at any moment for some reason. I started laughing harder,
unable to contain myself, and Edward chuckled as he watched me, the happiness
apparently infectious as his eyes sparkled with amusement.
"He, uh... that giant lumberjack," I started, trying to catch my breath but the tears were
flowing freely, sharp pains hitting my sides as I gasped for air. "You know, Paul Bunyan.
Emmett kind of looks like him."
They all glanced at Emmett with confusion, simultaneously bursting into laughter as they
took in the sight of him. "He does," Jasper said, smiling widely as he cut his eyes at Rosalie.
"Wait, what was the name of his sidekick? You know, that blue ox?"
I shrugged as I looked at Rosalie, gasping from laughter when it struck me she was actually
wearing blue. Rosalie huffed, crossing her arms over her chest in aggravation as she glared
at us. "I know you fuckers aren't calling me an ox," she spat.
"Aw come on, it's just a joke, babe," Emmett said playfully. Jasper and I gasped at the same
time, glancing at each other quickly.
"Babe!" we both yelled, recalling the blue ox's name at the same time.
"Alright, now I'm fucking confused," Edward said with a bewildered expression, still
chuckling. "Can we just chop this goddamn tree down so we can get home? I'm getting cold
here. My fucking dick's going to shrivel up and fall off before we're done at this rate."
"Maybe you should've worn a coat if you're cold," Rosalie said pointedly, annoyed.
"After all, it's winter. Who the fuck doesn't wear a coat in the wintertime?"
I cracked a smile, shaking my head. "No, he doesn't need a coat," I responded. "He's sure of
it."
"Got jokes, tesoro?" he asked quietly as Emmett started whacking the trunk of the tree with
the axe, the blade slicing into the wood easily from the force of his hits. It started tilting
after the forth swing, completely toppling as he hit it for the sixth time. He handed the axe
to Jasper and grabbed the tree, glancing around at us.
"Let's get this damn thing home," he said, grinning proudly as he started lugging it toward
the cars. Edward took my hand again, his fingers as cold as ice and making a shiver run
through me. We followed behind everyone and I watched with disbelief as Emmett and
Jasper threw the tree over the fence like it was no trouble at all.
"Oh, wait," Edward said, letting go of me to pull his wallet out of his pocket. He glanced
through his cash and pulled a few bills out, jogging over to the building and slipping it
under the door. I smiled at him when he returned, proud he'd thought enough to pay for
the tree when he really didn't have to, and took his hand again so he could help me back
over the fence.
The drive back home was relaxed, the rest of the morning passing in a blur. Rosalie's mood
shifted, her anger and irritation turning into a quiet sadness as a somber expression took
over her face. I wasn't exactly sure what had changed, but everyone seemed to be sort of
dejected for some reason after we arrived home. Edward was distracted as we set up and
decorated the Christmas tree, his eyes darting around at everyone nervously. I'd
occasionally catch him casting angry glares at people, mouthing things when he didn't
think I was looking and having heated whispered conversations when I was out of earshot.
I was confused and asked him a few times what was going on but he merely smiled and told
me it was nothing I should worry about.
We watched some holiday movies and exchanged gifts in the early evening as we waited for
dinner. I got some more books and art supplies, clothes from the girls and a new pair of
Nike's from Edward, just as I figured he'd give me. We all sat down at the table when the
food was ready, Edward pulling out the chair on the end beside him for me as Esme and
Alec took seats across from us. Dr. Cullen cleared his throat and Edward grabbed my right
hand as Alec slowly reached across the table, holding his out to me. I hesitated as I gazed at
his extended hand, reaching for it guardedly. I gingerly placed my hand in his and bowed
my head, my heart pounding rapidly in my chest as Dr. Cullen starting saying a blessing.
"Lord, thank you for the blessings on the table today, and for all of the people gathered
around it. We ask that you help us to remain mindful of the needs of others and continue to
bless us with love and forgiveness, happiness and peace, and most of all we ask that you
help the innocent among us find the freedom they deserve. In Jesus' name we pray."
"Amen," we all murmured, letting go and raising our heads. I glanced over at Dr. Cullen
curiously, surprised by his words, and he smiled softly at me when we made eye contact.
"Dai nemici mi guardo io dagli amici mi guardi iddio," Alec said quietly from across the
table, picking up his fork.
"Amen to that shit," Edward muttered, laughing dryly.
They started eating but I merely pushed the food around on my plate as a tense silence
overcame the room, everyone casting strange glances at each other. It was as if they all
shared a common secret, one that I was certainly not aware of, and that fact seemed to have
Edward on edge. I fidgeted nervously as I listened to the sound of forks clanking against
plates, my appetite dissipating as my stomach started churning from anxiety. I could feel
eyes on me occasionally as I sat there, the attention confusing and making me so
uncomfortable that I briefly considered bolting from the room from panic. Before I could
seriously debate acting on it, however, Jasper cleared his throat.
"It's hard to believe it's been ten years already," he said quietly. I could see Edward stiffen
beside me, his fork stopping in mid-air as he froze. I realized Jasper was referring to their
mother's death and I looked around cautiously, worried as to how everyone was going to
react. Dr. Cullen's posture was just as tense as he stared down at his plate, his eyes drifting
closed after a moment as he sat his fork down. My hands started to shake as I waited for
him to snap, my heart racing so wildly that my vision grew hazy. I put my fork down as he
let out an exasperated sigh, afraid my trembling hands would draw even more attention to
me.
"It is," Dr. Cullen said when he finally spoke. "Seems like it was just yesterday that we lost
her."
"We didn't lose her," Edward said, his voice sharp. 'That makes it sound like we were
fucking negligent in some way or she deserved it. It's none of our fault that shit happened,
we didn't lose her. She was fucking taken from us... from all of us."
"You're right," Dr. Cullen responded. "She was unfairly taken from us."
"Yeah and it's a shame, because I really wish she could be here for this," Emmett said,
shaking his head as he pushed his chair back. He stood up and reached into his pocket for
something, my eyes widening in shock as he pulled out small black velvet box. A squeal
came from Alice and Rosalie froze as Emmett knelt down beside her chair, opening it to
expose a gold ring. "I know we're young, but if there's anything I've learned it's that nothing
should be taken for granted. We lose people, things happen to alter our entire world
without warning, and the truth is that not a single one of us are promised tomorrow. I don't
know how long I'll live, or where life is going to take me in that time, but one thing I'm sure
of is that I want you along for the ride. So what do you say, Rosie? Will you marry me?"
I saw a tear stream down her cheek as she smirked. "You know I will, Emmett Cullen," she
said, her voice cracking from emotion. "God help me, but I love you for some damn
reason."
He grinned, slipping the ring on her finger enthusiastically before retaking his seat.
Everyone congratulated them and I smiled, taking in the adoration on their faces as they
gazed at each other. The atmosphere was lighter after that and everyone chatted casually,
laughing as they shared stories. I listened as Emmett and Jasper reminisced about their
childhood, Edward chuckling as he recalled some of the incidents a lot differently than his
brothers. They spoke a lot about their mother, and I expected the room to become tense
because of the subject, but instead of clamming up as he'd done previously, Dr. Cullen
chimed in with some of his own stories. They spoke about trips they'd all taken, things
she'd taught them, and books she'd read them, every memory accompanied with smiles
instead of tears. It was heartwarming to witness, the love for her just as strong as ever,
despite the fact that she'd been gone for a decade already.
After dinner everyone settled in to watch another movie, and I offered to help Esme with
the dishes. She didn't object and we worked silently, her attention seeming to be elsewhere
as she went about it all in a daze. We were finishing up when she let out a resigned sigh,
shaking her head as she put a plate away. "He really loves you, you know. Just never forget
that, no matter what," she said quietly. I nodded as I chewed on my lip nervously, her shift
in demeanor from the morning concerning. She smiled sadly as she glanced over at me,
taking the plate that I'd been washing from my hands. "I'll finish this up. You should go
spend some time with Edward, enjoy the rest of your Christmas."
"Okay," I mumbled, drying my hands before quietly heading for the living room. I made it
halfway there when I heard Emmett's voice ring out, his words catching me off guard.
"You're making a mistake, Edward," he said. "I know you believe this is right, but I just
don't think you're really thinking clearly."
"Leave him alone," Dr. Cullen said firmly. "You can't understand the situation unless you've
been in it."
"You're wrong, I do understand," Emmett said, anger in his voice. "And I know he's going
to regret this!"
"It's already done," Edward stated quietly.
"It's not too late to change your mind," Emmett retorted. "And, for all of our sakes, please
fucking change your mind. I'm begging you, bro."
"You're wrong, it is too late," Edward said. "I get it, you don't fucking agree with it, but the
fact is that you don't have to. It's my life. I'm the one who has to live with it."
"Can you?" Emmett asked incredulously. "Can you seriously live with this shit?"
"I have to."

"No, you don't," Emmett said, the passion in his voice startling. "There has to be another
way. When I offered you help in Chicago, this isn't what I fucking meant for you to do. This
is stupid! I can't believe Jasper would actually think this shit is okay."
I finished the last few steps in their direction, pausing at the entrance to the living room.
Emmett was pacing the floor in a frenzy and Edward stood off to the side, clutching onto
his hair in aggravation. Everyone else sat around watching them, the atmosphere so tense I
could practically feel it on my skin. The tiny hairs on my arm stood up, sickness brewing in
the pit of my stomach.
"It's his life," Jasper said. "He's my brother, and I'm going to support him any way I can.
This may not be what I'd do if I was him, but I'm not him."
"This is bullshit," Emmett spat loudly, the force of his words startling me. I flinched and
Alec's eyes darted in my direction when he sensed the movement, his stare cold. Edward
groaned in annoyance and started to tell Emmett to mind his own business, but before he
could get his entire thought out, Alec spoke up.
"Hello Isabella," he said calmly. Everyone else turned in my direction right away, panic
flashing across their faces.
"Is everything okay?" I asked hesitantly.
"It's perfectly fine," Alec said, a confidence in his voice that made me want to believe him.
"There was just a slight disagreement about Edward's choices in life, but this is really
neither the time nor the place for such discussions so it's over now. Why don't you join us?"
I glanced around, dread running through me as I took in all of their expressions.

Something was definitely wrong. "Actually, I think I'm going to go lay down," I said quietly.
"I'll come with you," Edward said, shooting Emmett an angry glare as he stalked past him.
He took my hand and I mumbled goodbye to everyone as he led me toward the steps, not
saying a word as we headed upstairs.
"Are they mad that you initiated?" I asked when we reached the bedroom. I was confused,
because Emmett had given me the impression in Chicago that he understood why Edward
had done it, but I couldn't think of what else it could be that had them upset. Part of me
realized I probably didn't want to know, recalling Esme warning about them keeping
secrets from us for our own good. She said it didn't bother her because she trusted Alec,
and I wanted to have that same type of trust in Edward when it came to those things.
"Something like that," he muttered, running his hand through his hair anxiously. "I'd
rather not talk about it right now, though. I'm too exhausted for the shit. I'd rather just...
be. Just for a little while."
"Uh, okay," I said, trying to push back the sick feeling in my stomach. He plopped down on
the bed and I followed his lead, laying down beside him.
"La mia bella ragazza," he murmured, pulling me into his arms. "I was hoping today
would be perfect, but it's been kind of fucked up."
"We were together," I whispered. "That makes it sort of perfect to me."
"Yeah," he said quietly. "Me, too."
I hadn't intended to fall asleep so quickly, but my exhaustion seemed to be deeper than I
anticipated. I drifted into unconsciousness within a matter of minutes, my sleep restless
and broken with nightmares. I rolled over sometime in the middle of the night, my arm
dropping onto the other side of the mattress. I felt around briefly for Edward and sighed
when I realized the bed was empty, figuring he must've gotten up and went downstairs to
his piano like he sometimes did when he couldn't sleep. I pulled myself up and glanced
around in the darkness, blinking rapidly as I tried to adjust my vision. I ran my hands
down my face, trying to wake myself up, and froze when I caught sight of a figure from the
corner of my eye. I glanced over at the couch, my brow furrowing in confusion when I saw
Edward sitting on it with his knees pulled up to his chest. He had the curtain pulled open
slightly, just enough for him to be able to gaze out of the window into the darkness. The
sliver of moonlight filtering in illuminated his face and I saw he wore a somber expression,
his lips turned down into a frown.
"Edward?" I said, worried about what was bothering him because I didn't like seeing him
so upset. He sat still, continuing to gaze outside almost as if he hadn't even heard me, and I
was about to say his name again when he let out a long exasperated sigh.
"I had a dream," he mumbled.
"Another nightmare?" I asked hesitantly, climbing out of bed. I walked slowly over to the
couch and he finally turned his head to look at me, the sadness in his eyes staggering. My
stomach sunk as he moved his legs to make room for me, motioning for me to join him. I
sat down and he pulled me into his arms, lightly kissing the top of my head as I snuggled
into his chest.
"No, not a nightmare," he said. "It was a dream."
"What was it about?" I asked.
"You," he said quietly. "You painted a picture of the meadow I took you to. It was so good
that they hung it up in a museum and raved about how talented you were. It was like you
were the next fucking Picasso or Van Gough, tesoro. It was nice."
I laughed, shaking my head as I pulled away to look at him. His lips turned up into his
dashing crooked grin, but I could see the sadness still lingering deep within in his eyes. "I
don't even know how to paint, Edward."
"You could learn," he said, shrugging. "Would you want to?"
"Maybe," I responded. "It would be fun, I guess, but I don't know how good I'd be. I've
never tried before."
"Oh, you'd be good," he said confidently. "You really shouldn't doubt yourself. You can do
anything you set your mind to."
"Except for play the piano," I said playfully. He chuckled, nodding. The few times he had
attempted to teach me the basics I'd failed horribly, fumbling awkwardly with the keys and
making him cringe from the noises I managed to produce.
"Yeah, for the sake of everyone's ears we ought to leave the music to me," he said jokingly.
"But the rest is all you. You can probably do all of that shit, you know. Draw, Paint, sculpt
shit into weird shapes and tell people it's something it doesn't fucking look like. That takes
talent, you know."
I laughed. "And you think I have that kind of talent?"
"Of course you do," he said, standing up. "It's natural, deep down in your motherfucking
bones. There's no stopping you."
"Thank you," I whispered, a swell of emotion surging through me at his words. "It really
means a lot that you believe in me."
"I'd be an idiot not to," he said as he walked over to his desk, grabbing his keys and
unlocking the bottom drawer. He started rooting around in it in the dark, liquor bottles
clinking together as he pushed them aside. He pulled out a familiar small plastic bag and I
watched as he rolled some marijuana up in brown paper quickly, licking it to seal it
together. He turned to me and cocked an eyebrow, smirking. "Do you mind?"
I shook my head, surprised to see him with it because he hadn't done it in a long time...
that I was aware of, anyway. He grabbed a lighter and walked back over to the couch,
sitting back down beside me. "Do you remember what we were doing the first time I did
this shit around you?" he asked as he started to light it.
"We were playing a game," I responded. He nodded.
"Twenty-one questions," he said, taking a long drag of it and holding the air in his lungs.
He turned to me after a second and cupped my chin with his free hand, pulling my face
closer to him. He leaned in closely so his lips were almost touching mine and started
exhaling, the smoke filtering out between us. I inhaled, taking it into my lungs, and held it
when my chest was full. He smirked and pulled back a few inches. "We never got to finish
the game, tesoro. I think it's time we did."
I smiled as I exhaled, coughing a bit from the burn in my chest. "Okay," I whispered.
"I'll go first," he said, taking another drag of the marijuana. He exhaled, the smoke slowly
rolling out from between his lips. It was almost beautiful in a sense, watching him breathe.
It was sensual and erotic, knowing the same air I took in had once also existed inside of
him, the intoxicants surging through my body the very same that he felt. He coughed after
a moment as he gazed at me, seemingly contemplating his first question. "Out of all the
book's you've read, which one is your favorite?"
I smiled, surprised at the topic. "The one you gave me last time we played this game," I
responded. "Wuthering Heights."
"You finished it?" he asked with surprise. I nodded and he smiled. "Good. I told your ass
you could do it. Like I said, anything you put your mind to, tesoro. You're unstoppable."
We spent the next hour asking random questions, digging into each other's minds about
obscure topics. He continued to take hits of the marijuana, occasionally blowing smoke at
me and lightly kissing my lips as I inhaled the air between us. Warmth spread throughout
my body, tingling coursing through my veins as the drug took over my system. We didn't
ask at all about the torture and hurt we'd endured, instead inquiring about things that
made us happy. He asked about my deepest hopes and desires, wanted to know what kind
of things I'd do if there were no limitations placed upon me. He wanted me to tell him
where I'd go and what I would do, telling me about things he'd done growing up and one
day hoped I could experience. It felt like everything faded away in that moment, the reality
of our situation taking a back seat to our dreams as we spoke of a future I had always
wanted, but never believed I could have.
"Can you still go to school?" I asked after a while, gazing at him curiously. I still wasn't sure
what he was allowed to do, what restrictions the organization put on his life.
"Yeah, I guess," he responded. "I'd have to get my GED since I technically dropped out of
high school because of the bullshit, but I don't see why not. I haven't actually asked about
it, though. Too much other shit on my mind."
"I understand."
He smirked as he took a long drag, holding it in his lungs as he gazed at me. He reached
over and ran his hand along my cheek, his touch gentle and warm. I hummed contentedly
and closed my eyes as he leaned forward again, exhaling slowly. I inhaled deeply, his lips
softly brushing against mine.
"I know you do," he whispered. "That's one of the things I love about you. You get me,
Bella. When no one else fucking does, you do. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that
shit. I remember when you stood here that first day and told me you didn't understand me,
and all I could think at the time was how much I fucking wished you could. I desperately
wanted you to really see me."
I smiled as I exhaled. "I do see you now."
"I know," he said, a twinkle in his eyes as he gazed at me lovingly. "Do you wanna know
what I see?"
"What?" I asked. He motioned with his head toward the window and I glanced over,
freezing when I spotted the thick white flakes fluttering down from the sky.
"Snow," he whispered. I smiled brightly but before I could comment he jumped up from
the couch, grabbing a hold of my hand and yanking me to my feet. I stared at him, startled,
and he chuckled as his face lit up. "Come on, we're going outside."
"Now?" I asked with disbelief, looking past him at the clock. The red numbers shined
brightly in the darkness, telling me it was a quarter after one in the morning. "It's got to be
freezing out there, Edward."
"So," he said, shrugging casually as if it were no big deal. "We have coats. And yes, I'll
fucking wear mine this time."
"Uh, okay," I said with a laugh as he walked over to the closet. He grabbed my coat and
tossed it to me, digging in the back for his heavier navy blue one. We bundled up quickly,
slipping on our shoes, and we made our way downstairs quietly so as not to wake anyone.
Edward disabled the alarm before unlocking the backdoor, pulling it open and motioning
for me to exit. The night air was so cold that it stung my face, but I smiled regardless as I
stepped outside, instantly glad he'd suggested we do it as I took in the view in front of me.
The flakes were settling on the ground and trees, covering everything with a thin blanket of
white.
Edward came out behind me and shut the door as I took a few steps out into the yard,
glancing up into the sky. The snow rained down on me, the wetness hitting my skin and
sending chills through my body. I closed my eyes and smiled, opening my mouth to catch
some of them with my tongue. They were cold and tasted bland, just like I knew they
would, but something about the experience felt almost magical. Goosebumps popped up
along my skin and despite the fact that it was bitterly cold, warmth spread through me
from my excitement.
I opened my eyes after a moment and peeked over at Edward, seeing he was staring at me
with a serious expression on his face. I smiled softly, noticing the flakes starting to stick to
his bronze hair. I walked over to him and reached up, running my fingers through his locks
to wipe them away. I pulled him down toward me, licking my lips, and he smirked as I
tilted my head to the side. His kiss was gentle, his lips soft and mouth warm.
"It's beautiful," I said as I pulled away.
"Not as beautiful as you," he whispered. I felt the heat rising to my cheeks at his words, the
blush overtaking my face.
"Such a charmer."
"I only speak the truth, tesoro," he responded. My smile grew and I looked away from him
as my blush deepened even more at his response. I started kicking around at the small
accumulation on the ground, my toe digging into the frozen dirt.
"Does it snow a lot in Chicago?" I asked. He remained quiet for a moment and I peeked
over at him inquiringly, noticing he was staring off into the distance.
"Too fucking much," he said quietly. "I like snow and all, but this shit here is enough for
me. They get fucking blizzards in Chicago, feet of snow every winter. Drives me fucking
crazy."
"It might be fun," I said, shrugging. "We could build snowmen and make snow angels,
maybe even have snowball fights."
His lips curved upward slightly as he glanced at me, but I could see the sadness back in his
eyes. I instantly felt guilty for bringing up Chicago, not wanting to ruin his mood. It wasn't
often we had carefree moments anymore, and I didn't want it to end any sooner than it had
to. I realized that Esme had been right about them needing a sanctuary, one place they
could go to and just be themselves without worrying about all of that other stuff.
"You look cold," he said, not bothering to comment on what I'd said. My fingers were
growing numb already and my ears were stinging, my nose so frozen it would soon start
running, but I shrugged because I didn't want the moment to be over yet.
"Well, you look hot," I blurted out, not even thinking about my words. His brow furrowed
briefly before he started laughing, shaking his head.
"Thanks, baby," he said playfully. "You're pretty fucking hot yourself."
I rolled my eyes as he chuckled, reaching out for me. He pulled me into his arms and
rocked me gently, his body heat instantly starting to warm me up. I snuggled into his chest,
wrapping my arms around him as I hugged him tightly. He leaned his head down on top of
mine, sighing contently. I was quiet for a while as I held on to him, the snow continuing to
fall and covering us with thick white flakes. A soft hum vibrated Edward's chest, the melody
sweet and vaguely familiar, and it took a minute for it to register with me what the song
was.
"Our hearts were on display for all to see," I whispered, recalling the line from the song
we'd made love to on Valentine's Day, the first time the two of us had truly come together
as one. "I can't believe this is happening to me."
"You remember the song," he said, his words a statement rather than a question.
"How could I not," I whispered as he continued humming, the sound slowly turning into
words as he began to softly sing the lyrics. A chill ran down my spine, my heart aching
when I heard his voice crack on the words 77/ keep you in my dreams'.
"Are you okay?" he asked, pulling back from me as he felt my body shudder. I nodded, my
eyes starting to well up with tears. A strange feeling brewed in the pit of my stomach,
longing and desperation mixing with my fear as I gazed at him, his expression guarded.
"Do you want to go inside?"
I nodded again and he grabbed my hand, leading me to the house. He ushered me inside
and locked it back up, resetting the alarm as I headed straight for the stairs. I was silent as I
walked up to the third floor, my mind racing frantically as I tried to sort through things. I
took my coat off as soon as I stepped into the bedroom, kicking my shoes off right inside
the door. My pants were damp and I stripped them off, pulling my shirt off next and
tossing them onto a pile on the floor. I turned to Edward, watching as he carefully took his
coat off and hung it on the back of his desk chair.
"Edward," I whispered, my voice shaking. He turned his head in my direction and froze
when he saw me standing there in my bra and underwear, his eyes scanning the length of
my form almost upon instinct. His gaze finally reached my face and our eyes connected,
goose bumps dancing across my skin at the intensity of the green shining back at me. He
stared at me curiously, the sadness still there but, more than anything, I could see the love
he felt for me. We'd been ignoring it, pushing it aside as we drifted apart, but it was still
there just as strong as ever. "Make love to me."
He tensed up at my words and started shaking his head hesitantly. I knew he wanted
nothing more than to agree, but I could also see the fear he was feeling, causing him to
have some reservations. I didn't know what was going on, but the odd feeling in my
stomach flared and the tears started forming again. "Bella, I don't think..." he started.
"Please." It came out a strangled whisper, the lone word catching in my throat because of
the lump forming. I fought it back, confused and not wanting to cry. I needed him in that
moment, and I wasn't entirely sure as to why, but I could feel it deep down to the bone. I
didn't want to just see his love, I wanted to feel it. It had been months since we'd been
intimate, since before all of the devastation had taken hold of our life, and I desperately
needed to be consumed by Edward Cullen at that moment.
He looked torn as he stared at me, the agonized expression on his face fading away as I
repeated the word 'please'. He sighed, running his hand through his hair anxiously as he
slowly took a few steps toward me. He didn't say anything, but no words were really
necessary. We both knew we needed it and we'd give in to that need, unable to resist the
pull between us that had been there since the moment we first touched.
He paused in front of me, his hand running the length of my arm as he leaned down to kiss
me. He reached around and unclasped my bra, pulling it off of me slowly and allowing it to
drop to the floor. A moan escaped my throat as he gently caressed my breasts, his fingertips
running over my nipples and causing them to grow firm under his touch. His hands drifted
down to my hips and he slowly started backing me up toward the bed. I scooted back onto
it and he climbed on top of me, not once breaking our kiss.
I lay back and closed my eyes as his mouth moved from mine and he made his way down
my neck, his warm breath hitting the wet spots left behind from his kisses and sending
shivers down my spine. Warmth spread throughout my body as he trailed kisses down my
stomach, and I inhaled deeply as his tongue dipped inside of my belly button. It tickled, my
body tingling from head to toe from his touch.
He took his time, kissing and caressing every inch of exposed skin, before slowly pulling my
underwear off. He tossed it on the floor and I clutched tightly onto the sheets as he started
slowly kissing up my inner thigh. He gripped my hips, holding me in place as his tongue
gently caressed my center before slowly dipping inside of me. I moaned loudly, pleasure
coursing through me as he tasted me.
My noises grew louder, my legs starting to tremble as I felt the pressure start to build. I was
writhing and let go of the sheets, reaching for him. I ran my hands through his hair and
moaned his name, a groan vibrating his chest at the sound of it. He pulled away from me
quickly and I opened my eyes as he sat up, grabbing the bottom of his shirt to pull it off. I
stared at him in the darkness, taking in his immaculate form above me. I reached out and
ran my fingers over the ridges in his stomach, tracing the lines of the tattoo on his chest as
he started undoing his pants. He pulled them off and my breath hitched at the sight of him
already standing erect. I reached out and ran my fingers down the light trail on hair on his
stomach, gently gripping him and stroking it a few times. He groaned and threw his head
back, closing his eyes as it pulsated in my hand.
"Are you sure?" he asked after a moment, placing his hand on top of mine.
"Now who's the one second guessing?" I asked quietly. "Don't you trust me?"
He smiled, amused that I'd turned his words around on him, and he pulled my hand off of
him as he hovered over me. I held my breath as he lined himself up and pushed inside,
gripping onto him tightly as he filled me completely. He groaned loudly, allowing some of
his weight to press down on me as he pulled me closer.
"Of course I trust you," he said. "I'm just giving you a chance to change your mind."
"I'll never change my mind," I whispered as he pulled out and pushed back in. His thrusts
were slow and gentle at first and he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me softly as whimpers
escaped my throat. I wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him as my hands roamed
his back. The pleasure was intense and it didn't take long before the pressure started to
build again, my body quivering. Orgasm rocked me quickly and I cried out, throwing my
head back as I yelled Edward's name. He groaned, his lips feverishly attacking my neck as
my body shook beneath his. It calmed after a moment, a wave of relaxation sweeping over
me in the aftermath of my climax.
Edward's movements grew more frantic after a while, his thrusts harder and deeper. His
breathing was labored, his body trembling in my arms as he slid in and out of me. I could
practically feel the desire oozing from his pores, his desperation bursting forth as he gave
me all of himself that he could. I clung to him, crying out as he continued to fill me, the
intensity unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. We'd had sex quite a few times but
none of it had been like it was at that moment, the pure raw passion and longing between
us enough to take my breath away. I gasped for air, my chest burning as my body heated
and my skin dampened with sweat. It felt as if I was on fire, every inch of me aching for
him as our bodies came together. I could hear his pants and gasps, his hands gripping me
firmly as he tried to defy logic and pull me even closer to him. It was almost as if we melted
into one, where he ended and I began nothing but a blur as I lost myself in him.
Orgasms rocked me a few times and each time I'd scream his name, my nails digging into
his flesh as my hands roamed his body. It was like they were instinctively inspecting every
part of him, feeling the definition of his muscles as I memorized his form. My heart was
pounding so rapidly it felt like my chest would explode and I could feel his pulse through
his skin, knowing he felt just as out of control as I did. It was overwhelming, the sights and
sounds and sensations almost too much to take, tears starting to slip from the corner of my
eyes.
"I love you," I whispered as I felt his body start to tense up.
"I love you, too," he responded, the words cracking as they caught in his throat. "So fucking
much. Sempre."
"Sempre," I whimpered, trying to fight back my tears. He groaned and slammed into me
hard a few times as he started muttering under his breath.
"Non ci sara mai un altro," he said. "Solo tu. II mio cuore ё tua, tesoro."
I moaned, the words sounding sweet coming from his lips, despite the fact that I had no
idea what they meant. His body shook and he grunted as his climax hit him. He smashed
his lips to mine, his tongue feverishly mingling with mine as he thrust a few more times,
holding me so tightly it felt almost as if he believed his life depended on it.
He stilled his movements after a moment and pulled his lips from mine, wrapping his arms
around me as he nuzzled his head into my neck. He let out a shaky breath, a shudder
running through his body as a strangled groan came from his throat. I realized he was
fighting back a sob, his distress anguishing and my eyes burned with tears.
He sat back on his knees as he regained control of himself, hissing as he pulled out from
inside of me. I stared up at him as another tear slipped from the corner of my eye, and he
reached down to wipe it away. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, a small smile turning
the corner of his mouth up. "That was fucking intense," he mumbled breathlessly.
"It was," I responded as he lay down beside me, running his hands down his face. I
snuggled up to his chest and he grabbed the comforter, quickly covering our naked bodies.
I sighed contentedly as his hand gently started stroking my back, relishing in the warmth
radiating from him.
"Goodnight," Edward whispered as sleep started taking hold of me. "I meant it, Bella. I'll
keep you in my dreams."
I smiled as the words registered but slipped into unconsciousness before I was able to
respond, for the first time in a long time managing to find peace in my sleep. There was no
torture or agony haunting me in the night, no pain or devastation disrupting my rest. It was
filled with tranquility and silence, exactly what I had longed for, and for a moment I almost
celebrated the change.
Little did I know, the nightmare would come when I awoke.
The sun was shining brightly through the window when I opened my eyes and I sat up
quickly, glancing at the clock to see it was nearly ten in the morning. I shivered as a chill
ran through me and my throat ached as I tried to clear it, a tickle deep inside my chest that
told me right away that I was getting sick. I groaned, knowing it was because of going out in
the night air to see the snow, and clung to the blanket for warmth as I glanced around. I
realized I was alone, no sign of Edward anywhere, and froze when I spotted a piece of
folded up paper lying on his pillow. I eyed it suspiciously, seeing my name written across
the front of it, and that feeling I'd fought hard to push back the night before hit me with
such intensity I thought for a moment that I would be sick.
I picked up the paper and opened it hesitantly, seeing it was a full page letter in what was
clearly Edward's handwriting. I fought back the emotion threatening to take hold of me as I
started reading it, my hands shaking.
***
La mia bella ragazza,
FDR said in a speech once that freedom couldn't be bestowed, it had to be achieved. He
was one of our presidents, I don't know if you know who he is or not. You probably picked
it up on Jeopardy or something like everything else. Anyway, I think I was in 5th grade
when I learned who he was, and I remember being pissed off because I didn't see the
fucking point in having to learn History when it was over and done with. Looking back I
realize I was an ignorant little shit, but I guess that's really the point I'm trying to make
here. I took a lot for granted in life and didn't appreciate the little things-things that you
missed out on and should've been allowed to experience like the rest of us. It's not fair
what happened to you, and it's only from knowing you that I see that. I wish more people
could see it. Maybe if more people recognized that the point in teaching History is so we
can learn from mistakes that were made, we all wouldn't keep repeating the
motherfuckers and things wouldn't be so fucked up in the world.
You came into my life last September and turned everything I knew upside down. You
changed me and gave me the one thing I never thought I'd have, the one goddamn thing I
didn't even realize I needed. You gave me love. You taught me what it meant to live and
gave me a reason to get up in the mornings, something to go on for when I really just
wanted to fucking give up. I'm forever grateful for that shit and it's one thing I'll never
take for granted. I love you, Isabella. Christ, I fucking love you, and that's the reason I
have to do this.
Like I said, freedom can't be bestowed, and I should've known that telling you that you
were free wouldn't fucking make you so. Freedom has to be achieved, and that's exactly
what you have to do, tesoro. You have to go out there and achieve that shit. You have the
entire world at your fingertips, a life waiting for you full of dreams and opportunities
that you can't have with me. And I know that they're dreams you want, dreams you've
always had, and you shouldn't have to sacrifice them for me. You've sacrificed enough of
your life because of selfish motherfuckers. I've made my decisions and picked my path,
and now it's time for you to pick yours. You're better than this shit, Isabella, and the truth
is you deserve more than I can ever offer you. And as much I fucking love you and want
you in my life, I'm not that goddamn selfish. Not anymore. You made sure of that.
By the time you read this, I'll be gone. And I know I'm a fucking coward for doing it this
way, but there was no way I could say this to your face. I'm too goddamn weak to refuse
you anything and I know you would ask me to stay, but I just can't. It's not fair to you
and I would never fucking forgive myself for denying you what you deserve-a real life. A
life away from all of this bullshit, where you can just fucking be Bella, the beautiful,
smart, talented woman with more strength than anyone I've ever fucking met before. Go
be you and not what people have tried to make you over the years. Go to school and find
your place in this world, and do all the great things that we fucking know you're destined
to do. You're special, tesoro, don't you ever forget that. You have to go show those
motherfuckers what they've been missing by not knowing you. Show them they can't hold
my girl down.
I'm sorry if this hurts, but believe me when I say it's what has to happen. I'll never forget
you and I'm blessed that you saw something in me, something worthwhile and deserving
of your love. The past year with you has been the greatest fucking gift anyone has ever
given me. I've finally seen the light and I owe you for that... and I'm paying up by letting
you go be free.
You won't hear from me, because that wouldn't be fair to you. And don't worry about me,
because I'll be fine. Like you once told me, I'm a survivor. I'll survive it, and you will, too.
And don't you fucking be scared because I know you're ready. Just the fact that you can
read this letter is proof of how far you've come, and you have so much more out there to
achieve. You're ready for the world, Isabella, and it's been waiting seventeen years for
you. Don't make that shit wait any longer.
I meant every fucking word I've ever said to you, I want you to know that. None of this is
your fault and nothing you did caused this. I'm doing this for you, because I love you. Go
make us all proud, tesoro. I believe in you. I always will.
Sempre, Edward Dec. 26, '06
***
I jumped up quickly and the letter dropped to the floor, panic whipping through me so
intensely that my knees nearly buckled under my weight. I tossed things around until I
found some clothes, slipping on the first things I found and bolting out the bedroom door. I
ran down the stairs, tripping over my own feet and nearly tumbling down them, but I
grabbed a hold of the banister and managed to keep myself upright. The tears were flowing
from my eyes, my chest aching as I fought to keep control of myself, but I was close to
hyperventilating from my distress.
I made it to the foyer and slammed right into Dr. Cullen as he turned the corner for the
stairs, sending him stumbling a few steps. He grabbed a hold of me, startled, but I pushed
him away in my panic as I headed for the front door. Dr. Cullen said my name in concern
but I ignored him and pulled the door open roughly, slamming it into the wall in my haste
as I ran out onto the porch. I froze the moment my eyes fell upon the silver Volvo in the
driveway, a swell of hope sweeping through me.
"Where is he?" I asked frantically as I ran back in the house, heading straight for the living
room. "I need to talk to him before it's too late. I have to change his mind."
"He's gone, Isabella," Dr. Cullen said, his voice calm.
"No, he isn't!" I yelled, brushing my tears away as I started yelling Edward's name.
"He is," Dr. Cullen responded, matter-of-factly. There was no emotion to his voice, the
words coming out as if there was no room for argument but there was no way I could just
accept them, because he had no idea what he was talking about. It wasn't too late. It
couldn't be too late. I groaned from aggravation and headed for the stairs, but he blocked
my movement. "He's gone."
"He's not!" I spat, motioning out the front door. "His car is still here!"
"He didn't drive," Dr. Cullen said. "Alec took him."
"No!" I yelled, the tears flowing even harder as my body trembled violently. I shook my
head frantically, my emotions overwhelming me. "He wouldn't leave his car!"
"He left it for you."
"He loves his car!"
"He loves you more."
The moment those words came from him I started hyperventilating and my knees gave out
on me. I collapsed to the ground sobbing, and Dr. Cullen yelled for Jasper as I started
screaming Edward's name. The pain was intense and I felt like I couldn't breathe, gasping
for air and squeezing my eyes shut tightly, desperate for it all to be a nightmare. Dr. Cullen
crouched down beside me and pulled me into a hug, the smell of his cologne making me
feel even sicker.
"Please," I started begging, the words barely audible through my sobs. "Please no. Please
God, no!"
"Shhh, dolcezza," Dr. Cullen said gently. "It's going to be okay."
"It's not! Make him come back! Please, I need him!"
"I can't," Dr. Cullen responded. "I'm sorry, he's gone."
"He can't be," I whimpered in disbelief. "He can't just leave. I love him, he can't leave me!"
"Damnit, sorry. I was supposed to be there. I didn't realize she was awake already," Jasper's
voice rang out, his tone apologetic. Dr. Cullen let go of me as Jasper sat down beside me on
the floor, pulling me into his arms. I started sobbing harder, hiccupping as I tried to catch
my breath. It felt like someone had ripped my heart from my chest, shattering me into a
million tiny pieces that would never again come back together. I was distraught, unable to
understand why any of it was happening. "You need to calm down, okay?"
"How?" I asked. "I need him, Jasper."
"You don't," he said. I pulled back and looked at him incredulously, pushing him away from
me.
"How can you say that?" I screamed.
"Because it's true," he responded, frowning. "I know you love him, and I know it hurts. He
knew it would hurt. It hurts him, too."
"Then why, Jasper? Why is he doing this to me?"
"So you can have a life," he said quietly. I shook my head frantically, wiping my eyes. "How
can I without him?" I spat. "He is my life!"
"And that's exactly why he left," he explained, as if it were that simple. "He didn't want your
world to revolve around him. He wanted you be able to have a life of your own. You deserve
that, Isabella."
"I don't want it without him," I yelled. "I can't do it."
"You can," Jasper said firmly. "You can and you will."
"I don't want to be alone!"
"You won't be," he said. "You have me. I'll be here as long as you need me, but he's gone,
Isabella. He's not coming back."
He pulled me back into his arms as I started sobbing hysterically again, losing my grip
completely. I wasn't sure how long we sat on the floor in the foyer while he held me, giving
me time to get it all out. I cried and screamed, taking my hurt out on him, and he just
quietly took it. He didn't offer any wise words of advice, didn't even try to explain it any
further that he already had. He'd said all he could-no words would change what was
happening.
Sometime in the late afternoon I got up, my legs shaking and my body hurting from sitting
on the hard floor. Jasper eyed me cautiously but I just turned away from him and headed
for the stairs, climbing them slowly. I went straight for the bedroom, ignoring everyone I
passed along the way. I crawled back into the bed and threw the comforter over myself,
squeezing my eyes shut tightly and praying for the nightmare to end.
No one bothered me as I stayed locked away, allowing me to grieve on my own. The day
passed quickly, another one dawning, but I still refused to get out of bed unless it was
absolutely necessary. I read the letter he'd left repeatedly, the words stinging just as much
the twentieth time as they had the first. I cried until I couldn't see and screamed for him
until my throat burned, completely devastated that he was gone. I heard people moving
around the house and I could sense their presence nearby, could hear their whispered
voices from the hallway, but it wasn't until the third day that Jasper finally came inside the
room. I was numb by then, exhausted and weary, in such a daze that everything felt surreal.
He didn't bother to knock, just walked right in and sat down on the edge of the bed. I
glanced at him from where I lay, seeing the sympathy in his eyes that made my stomach
churn. "How long?" I asked quietly, my voice scratchy. He looked at me in confusion and I
sighed, shaking my head. "How long ago did he tell you he was leaving?"
"Uh, a few days ago," he answered quietly. "The day I got here. He came to my room that
night and asked me if I'd watch out for you and help you get set up on your own."
"Days?" I asked with disbelief, tears pooling in my eyes again. "He knew he was leaving
days ago? Why didn't he tell me?"
"You know why," Jasper said. "He wouldn't have been able to leave if he did. Walking out
the front door was probably the hardest thing he's ever done. He stood there for at least
thirty minutes just as heartbroken as you are before Alec finally got fed up and dragged him
outside before he missed his flight."
"And all of you knew?" I asked. "Everyone knew he was leaving and no one told me? Is that
why you were all arguing on Christmas?"
He nodded. "I told Alice the same night I found out, and we clued Emmett and Rosalie in
on the way back from getting the tree. Edward was mad I told them, but I knew he was
trying to make the best of the day and Rosalie wasn't making it easy. She was angry about
how selfish he was being, she thought he was giving up and planned to just drag you down
with him. She felt guilty when I explained things to her."
"And the others?"
"I don't think anyone told my father and Alec. I'm guessing they probably knew Edward
was expected to be in Chicago and put the pieces together on their own, considering you
had no idea he was going," he responded. "Esme wasn't happy about it when she found out.
She was the last to know."
"Besides me," I muttered bitterly, hurt. "What do I do now?"
"You go on," he said. "I'll take you to Seattle with me, and we'll set you up in your own place
when you're ready, enroll you in school. Whatever makes you happy."
"He makes me happy," I whispered.
"I know he does," he responded quietly. "It'll get easier. In time it won't hurt as bad, and
eventually the day will come when you'll be ready to move on."
I shook my head, brushing my tears away. "It may not hurt as much, but I'll never move
on," I said, standing up from the bed. I stretched and glanced around at the room, frowning
at Edward's possessions. It looked like nothing had been taken, everything exactly where it
had been days earlier when he'd been there. "Did he take anything?"
"He took some of his clothes," Jasper responded. "He left his car for you, said you could
take anything else you wanted. Whatever's left when you leave is going to be shipped to
him in Chicago."
"That's it?" I muttered to myself. "Just like that, he's gone. No looking back."
Jasper didn't comment, knowing nothing he could've said at that moment would've made
any of it better... nothing would've taken the hurt away. I walked over to the desk and
started sorting through things, pulling my belongings out from Edward's and setting them
aside. "You don't have to do that now," Jasper said as he watched me. "You have as much
time as you need. My father said you're welcome to stay as a guest as long as you'd like."
I shook my head, fighting back my emotions. "Guest," I mumbled, the word sounding so
foreign. Once upon a time I'd been a slave within the very same walls, and not long before
I'd almost felt at home there, but now I was just a guest, passing through on my way out to
God-knows-where. "How am I going to make it, Jasper? I have nothing. I have no money. I
don't even know what I'm doing."
"Edward said you'd say that," he responded. "Alec brought the paperwork along with him
for your inheritance. He had the estate settled for you and the funds put into an account
with your name on it. You have plenty of money, Isabella, and as far as everything else
goes, you just figure it out along the way. That's how life is for all of us. None of us really
know what we're doing."
I thought over his words as I continued to separate my belongings, unsure of what to say in
response to that. Jasper got up when he realized I had no intention of stopping, leaving the
room and returning a few minutes later with some boxes. I started going through Edward's
desk, our things becoming mixed together over time. I saw the bottom drawer was
unlocked and froze when I glanced inside, spotting his cell phone. "He didn't even take his
phone."
"He thought it would be better if he didn't. He didn't want to make it any harder on you
than it already would be, afraid one of you would try to call the other and drag it out,"
Jasper said quietly. "I also promised him I'd change your number, so he wouldn't be
tempted to call you later on."
I laughed dryly, slamming the drawer shut in anger. It seemed like he'd thought of
everything, leaving no loopholes in his plan.
I spent the next two days sorting through things and packing up all of my belongings. I
took my clothes and photographs, my books and notebooks, and all of the drawings I'd
done over the past year. I took the basket from our Valentine's Day picnic, the necklace
Edward had bought me for prom and his football shirt that had been given to me my very
first day there, but left everything else in its place. I felt like I should help pack it up but it
hurt too much to deal with, the fact that it would also soon be gone from the room too hard
to face.
Emmett and Rosalie appeared long enough to say goodbye before leaving for school again,
both telling me they'd keep in touch and see me again soon. Neither one mentioned
Edward, both feigning happiness about the future that lay ahead of me, but I wasn't naive-l
could tell they were just as concerned as I was.
Jasper and Alice would occasionally sit in the room with me, but neither of them
intervened or forced me to talk about. Alice expressed how sorry she was, saying she'd
sensed something was wrong for a while, but her declaration only made me feel worse. My
heartbreak gave way to anger as I shifted blame around, snapping at them for no reason
before the guilt set in. I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault, knowing it was because of
me that he'd joined the organization in the first place. I blamed myself for what he was
going through, growing obsessive over the unknowns. I stared at the clock for hours,
wondering where he was and what he was doing, stressing over whether or not he was
okay. I kept wondering how I could've missed the signs, because looking back it seemed so
obvious to me that he'd been saying goodbye.
On the third day Dr. Cullen drove me to a medical clinic an hour and a half away for the
appointment to have my chip removed. I fidgeted as I sat in the waiting room, utterly
exhausted and nervous. I couldn't recall the last time I'd eaten and I knew they were all
growing worried for me, but I was too distressed to really bother with anything. Depression
was seeping in and Dr. Cullen gave me some pills that he claimed would help, but I refused
to take them. I didn't want to be drugged just so I could start feeling again, because I wasn't
ready to accept what had happened. I didn't want to move on. I wanted Edward, and if I
couldn't have him, I would rather be numb.
An older brown-haired man wearing blue doctor scrubs and a white lab coat came out from
the back after a while and greeted Dr. Cullen before looking at me. "You must be Isabella
Swan," he said.
"Yes, sir."
"Well, how about we get that thing out of you now?" he suggested, smiling warmly. I
returned his smile and nodded, agreeing even though I felt anything but confident at the
moment. He held a door open for me and I stood up, starting toward him but hesitated a
few feet away. My heart was racing wildly from anxiety and I felt dizzy, worried I was going
to pass out. I turned toward Dr. Cullen, who sat still in his chair with his hands folded in
his lap.
"Will you come with me?" I asked nervously, not wanting to be alone. I desperately wished
Edward were there with me, my eyes burning as the tears threatened to spill at the thought.
Jasper had offered to come along for support but I'd brushed him off, saying it was no big
deal, but it felt like one when it came down to it.
"If you want me to," he responded, looking at me with surprise.
"Please," I said. He nodded and stood up, pressing his hand against my back as he led me
into the back. I was taken in for an X-ray, where they pinpointed the general location of the
microchip between my shoulder blades in my back. After they got an estimation of where it
was they took me into a small white room with an exam table, where I was instructed to put
on a gown and lay on my stomach with my back exposed. I obliged nervously and Dr.
Cullen pulled a stool over, sitting down beside me. The other doctor brought a small
machine over with a monitor attached to it, stating he was going to inject something in my
back to numb the area so I wouldn't feel the procedure. I tensed up and Dr. Cullen took my
right hand while he began gently stroking my hair with his other hand as I felt the pinch of
a needle.
I wasn't sure what was happening, because I couldn't see, but it took him nearly forty- five
minutes to remove the chip. Dr. Cullen sighed as the man started sewing up the incision,
frowning. "It's apparently a lot easier to put them in than take them out," he said sadly.
"It is," the doctor replied. "They aren't meant to be removed. It was embedded in there
pretty good and difficult to get a hold of because of the scar tissue. The incision will be sore
for a while but I'll get you some pain killers to take, and the stitches will dissolve on their
own."
"Thank you," I responded quietly. He smiled and nodded.
"I'm glad I could be of some help."
They stepped out of the room and I put my shirt on again, the numbness of my back feeling
strange against the clothing. Dr. Cullen and I departed a few minutes later after he paid
cash for the procedure, and the ride back to Forks was relatively quiet. It wasn't tense or
awkward as it could have been, given the situation, instead a comfortable silence falling
between us as he drove. We were about fifteen minutes from the house when he cleared his
throat, shifting around in his seat. "Can I ask you a question?"
I glanced over at him, seeing he appeared nervous for some reason. "Yes."
"Do you recall all of the people you encountered at the warehouse where you were held?"
he asked. I tensed up, stunned he'd ask me that because none of them had ever even
attempted to approach the subject before.
"Uh, I believe so."
"Can you tell me who they were?"
"Well, James was there," I started. "There were two younger Russian guys, I don't really
know who they are though. The older Russian guy named Stephan was in charge of
everything."
"Was there another older Russian man there by the name of Vladimir? He's around the
same age as Stephan and they look somewhat similar," he inquired. I shook my head
hesitantly.
"Not that I saw. Stephan seemed to be working on his own," I said. "And there was a girl
there, too."
"Heidi?"
"No. Well, I mean, yes. She was there, but there was another girl with James. I think they
said her name was Vickie," I said.
"Victoria? Does she have curly red hair?" he asked. I nodded and he laughed bitterly,
shaking his head. "She's the daughter of an old adversary of ours from the Irish mob. We
made peace years ago, a truce of sorts, so I don't think her father will be too happy to find
out what she's done."
"She was nice to me at first, even fed me," I said, not wanting to cause any more trouble.
"She didn't really hurt me, but she got angry when I hurt James. He was trying to, uh..."
I trailed off, biting my bottom lip nervously. Dr. Cullen was quiet for a second before
sighing exasperatedly. "I wasn't aware he'd tried, but I do know he didn't do it," he said.
"The organization has a few doctor acquaintances that we call on sometimes when we can't
go to a hospital. I asked one make a house call while you were at Esme's to make sure you
hadn't been harmed in that way."
"Thank you," I whispered. "He didn't try again after that first time. He was never alone
with me, really. I think he was afraid of his fath--." I stopped abruptly when I realized what
I was about to say and he looked at me with surprise, raising his eyebrows curiously.
"So you know Stephan was his father?" he asked.
"Uh, yes," I mumbled. "You knew?"
"I didn't at the time, but I am aware of it now. In fact, I found out the same way I
discovered who you were related to," he responded. "I had his DNA ran."
"So you know?" I asked, stunned. "You know that he's Emmett's, too?"
He tensed up, looking completely bewildered, and my heart started pounding forcefully
when I realized he hadn't known that part. "Emmett's father?" he asked with disbelief.
"He said he was," I said, panicked as I stared at him. Dr. Cullen's face clouded with anger
briefly, the sight of it frightening me, but it faded quickly.
"No, I didn't know," he said coolly. "Did you tell Emmett this piece of news?"
I shook my head quickly. "No, I didn't know if I should. I didn't think he'd want to know,
because he told me once he didn't even want to know his birth mother. And I really didn't
know if it was true, because he could've lied."
"I'm glad you didn't tell him," he responded, his voice emotionless. "I think that would
devastate Emmett. Thank you for being honest with me, though. So, was that everyone in
the warehouse?"
"I think so," I said, sighing. He nodded and silence fell over the car again before realization
struck me. "Wait, there was another man there. I don't know who he was, though. I was in
and out of it, and he never talked to me, but he stood over me a lot, just watching me."
"What did he look like? Do you remember?"
"Yes. He was sort of strange looking, really. He had tanned skin and a big scar on his face.
He was kind of older and I recall him talking to Stephan once, but I don't remember what
about," I mumbled, my brow furrowing. "Could that have been Vladimir?"
"No," Dr. Cullen said quietly. "That's not him."
"Oh," I said, frowning. "I don't know who he was, then."
"It's fine," Dr. Cullen said quietly. "I was just curious. Thank you for telling me."
"You're welcome." Silence overtook he car for the rest of the drive and Dr. Cullen seemed
distracted, his body tense. He didn't say a word to me when we arrived home, holding the
door open for me quietly and then disappearing into his office the moment we were inside.
The night passed quickly, sleep evading me as it had every other night that week. I lay
awake crying, reading the letter Edward had left so many times that I had it memorized. It
hurt worse than anything I could recall, more intense than any of the physical pain I'd
endured in my life. Physical pain faded as the wounds healed, but I wasn't sure what I was
feeling at that moment would ever go away. I felt broken, like a part of me had been ripped
away.
The next morning Jasper came upstairs around dawn, but I was already awake and waiting.
He walked in the room, not bothering to knock again, and glanced over at where I sat on
the couch. The room was still somewhat dark and I sat with my knees pulled up my chest,
my arms wrapped around myself as I stared out of the window. I wondered if it was what
Edward had been doing that last night when I awoke, wondered if he'd been gazing out at
the same trees I saw, contemplating leaving just as I was. Had he been as frightened and
devastated as I felt?
"Are you ready?" Jasper asked, having already placed all of my things in Edward's Volvo
the day before. I nodded, unable to say the words because the truth was that I felt like I
would never be ready. I got up and grabbed my last few things, slipping my coat on before
heading for the door. Jasper handed me Edward's car key before walking out and I
hesitated in the doorway, earning a curious look from him.
"I, uh... I'll meet you downstairs," I mumbled. "I just need a minute."
He smiled and told me to take my time, and I watched as he descended the stairs before
turning back to the bedroom. My eyes scanned the room slowly, my chest aching at the
sight of Edward's belongings, everything still in its place but yet what truly mattered was
missing. I caught sight of the picture frame on the dresser and took a few steps over toward
it, picking it up hesitantly. It was a picture of the two of us, one of the ones we'd had taken
in Port Angeles not long before everything started falling apart. It was back when we'd both
had dreams-our eyes shining with hope and love. The sky had been the limit then and it
was easy to see, happiness radiating from the both of us. I wondered if I would ever know
what it felt like to be that happy again. Would he?
I brushed my fingertips across the photograph, tracing the lines of Edward's face. I longed
to feel it for real, to see him and smell him, feel his warmth one more time, but I knew it
wasn't possible. It would never again be possible, and he'd made sure of that. He'd done
everything he could to ensure I'd have a future without him, never once realizing he was
the only future I ever truly desired.
I leaned down and kissed the cold glass gently where his face was, a tear slipping down my
cheek and hitting the frame. My vision blurred as I stared at the picture, pain ripping
through my chest as I uttered the lone word. It was the one word I hadn't gotten a chance
to say, the one word I never wanted to have to say, but the word I knew I needed to say.
"Goodbye."
*****
Solo tu. Il mio cuore è tua, tesoro = Only you. My heart is yours, sweetheart.
Chapter 75 Hole in the World
"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself
constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you
like hell." - Edna St. Vincent Millay
Friday, June 20th, 2008
1 year, 5 months, 25 days, 5 hours, 39 minutes and about 24 motherfucking
seconds later ...not like I was counting or anything...
I slouched down in my chair, glaring at the laptop on the desk in front of me. My head was
pounding fiercely, my eyes burning and twitching so hard I worried they were going to
fucking pop out of my skull. I had thick curtains covering the windows to block out as much
sun as possible, the room nearly pitch black despite the fact that it was only a few minutes
past noon. The air conditioner was blasting on high but I was still fucking sweating, my
skin feeling like it was on fire.
I cursed, running my hands down my face in annoyance. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear
my vision so I could focus on the fucking screen, but nothing seemed to help. The words all
blurred together and I couldn't even read the lines, realizing I was just wasting my time and
energy by even bothering. I groaned as I slammed the laptop closed and laid my head down
on the desk, giving up on the shit. All was quiet for a few minutes and I savored the silence,
wishing I could fucking fall asleep just to escape for a while. It almost happened, my
exhaustion deepening as the sound of the air blowing in the vent started lulling me into
unconsciousness, but before I drifted away completely my peace was shattered.
"Are you okay?"
I jumped, startled by the unexpected voice, and narrowed my eyes as my head shot up. "It's
not nice to sneak up on people," I spat, glaring at the figure standing in the doorway. She
laughed as if what I said was actually fucking funny and reached over to the wall, quickly
flicking on the light switch. I winced as sharp pains stabbed through my head from the
bright light and I threw my hands up, trying to shield my eyes. "Christ, do you have to
fucking do that?"
"You don't look so hot, kiddo," she said, ignoring my question as she made her way toward
me.
"On the contrary, Esme, I feel pretty fucking hot, like someone set my ass on fire," I
muttered, running my hand through my hair as I squinted, trying to adjust to the
brightness. "And that was after they beat the shit out of me and threw me from the roof of a
twelve story building."
"That bad?" she asked, pushing the laptop to the side as she sat down on the edge of the
desk beside me.
"Yes, that bad," I grumbled. "If it weren't so painful I'd wonder if I were already dead. But
then again, the way my life is going, I'll end up burning in Hell anyway, so maybe I am
already fucking dead. Wouldn't surprise me if this were all some goddamn game the devil is
playing, torturing me for fun because of all the fucked up shit I've done."
"Your optimism is astounding," she said, smiling softly. "I'm quite sure you're still alive,
though."
"Che peccato," I muttered, shaking my head. She laughed and grabbed my chin, pulling my
head up so I'd look at her.
"You act like you've never been hung-over before, Edward," she said, her eyes scanning my
face. "How much did you drink last night?"
"Apparently not enough, if I'm still alive," I stated. She rolled her eyes and let go of me,
crossing her arms over her chest.
"You haven't been doing anything else, have you?" she asked.
"Fuck no," I said, shaking my head. "I'm done with all of that."
"Good," she said. "This is how you used to act because of Molly, and you know..."
"I know," I spat in annoyance, cutting her off. "I said I was done, Esme. I really wish you all
would stop throwing that shit in my face."
"Fine," she said seriously. "I won't bring it up again. You really need to stop smoking, too,
though. I could smell it as soon as I walked in the house."
"Christ, you've got to be fucking kidding me," I said, looking at her incredulously. "Are you
going to ground me if I don't? Whip my ass? Put me in time out until I start listening?"
"Don't tempt me," she said, the smile returning to her lips. "I'll call your father."
"Oh, you're going to fucking tattle on me, are you?" I asked sarcastically, laughing as I
stood up. "I hate to break it to you, but he already knows I do it, so telling him won't do you
much good. I don't think Alec would be too happy about you being a rat, though."
"What do you just call me?" she asked as I walked passed her, my bare feet slapping against
the wooden floor as I strolled out of the room.
"You heard me," I hollered, descending the stairs as I headed straight for the kitchen.
Esme followed behind me after a moment, pausing in the doorway while I walked over to
the cabinets. The tile floor was wet and cold against my feet, having apparently just been
scrubbed, but I didn't give a shit about it. I started rooting around, looking for some
fucking painkillers for my headache, and found a bottle of pills shoved in the back of a
drawer. I opened the freezer and pulled out a bottle of Grey Goose, opening it and bringing
it to my lips to take a swig. I popped two of the pills in my mouth, washing them down with
the vodka.
"You should probably give that a rest, too. It's awfully early to be drinking right now," Esme
commented, glancing at her watch. I rolled my eyes, taking another swig of the vodka. It
burned my throat and numbed my chest, tingling radiating down through my body.
"I heard somewhere that the best cure for a hangover was just getting drunk again. Plus,
how's the saying go? A bottle a day keeps the doctor away?" I asked as I held the liquor up,
shrugging before taking another drink. "Sounds like a plan I can stick to."
She laughed, shaking her head. "That's not how it goes and you know it," she said. "And I
mean it, Edward. You're going to completely destroy your liver before you even turn
twenty-one."
"Whatever," I muttered, annoyed by her scolding tone. "You sound more and more like my
fucking father every time I see you. Is this why you came over here, Esme-to bitch at me?
Because I'm seriously not in the mood for it, especially today of all fucking days, so spare
me the lecture."
"No, that isn't why I came," she responded. "I came to check on you."
"Yeah, well, we already established I was apparently still alive, so is there anything else I
can do for you?" I asked. "I have shit I need to do today. And how the fuck did you get in
here, anyway? I didn't even hear the doorbell."
"Leah let me in," she said.
"Nice," I grumbled, taking another gulp of the vodka. "Remind me to get rid of her."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous. You're not getting rid of her," she said with a laugh. "She's good at
what she does and you'd probably be living in filth if she weren't around. Plus, is my
company that bad? You live less than a mile from me and I rarely see you. Are you too good
to spend time with your favorite aunt?"
"You're my only aunt, Esme, and 'favorite' is still debatable," I said jokingly. "And, no, I'm
not too good for you. I'm just... busy."
"Busy," she echoed as she eyed me, her gaze so intense it felt like she was looking right
through me. "Which loosely translates into 'I've been avoiding you', right? How's school
going?"
"It's going," I responded, shrugging. She continued to stare at me, obviously awaiting some
better fucking answer, but I wasn't sure what she expected to hear. I had just finished my
first semester at Chicago City College, enrolled in the Associate of Fine Arts Degree
program for Music Education. It was the only thing that even fucking remotely interested
me that didn't take up so much time that it conflicted with my other responsibilities, but it
wasn't as easy as I'd expected the shit to be. My grades were mediocre at best and I had a
hard time focusing on anything, knowing if I didn't pull myself together there'd be no way
I'd be able to transfer to a four-year university. I'd enrolled in a few summer courses that
had just started the week before, trying to fucking catch up, but I was already struggling
with them.
"Maybe if you didn't drink so much..." she started, but I held my hands up to stop her as
my temper flared.
"Stop," I said firmly. "I know you mean well, Christ, but just stop already! I can't take much
more of being told what to do with my life. I do what Aro tells me to do, I stay away from
Molly, I'm enrolled in school and I don't fucking bother anyone. What more do you people
expect from me? I'm doing the best I can here."
"I know you are," she mumbled. "And I know it might not seem like it, but I am proud of
you, kiddo. I just worry about you being here all alone."
"I'm not alone, Esme. I've got Leah to scrub my floors and this to keep me warm at night," I
said, holding the bottle of vodka up. "What more could I need?"
She stood still and stared at me, her expression saying everything she wouldn't dare
fucking say out loud. We both knew exactly what it was I needed, but it was the one thing I
could never again have. It hurt to think about, the ache in my chest still as intense as it had
been that December morning.
***
December 26th, 2006
I sat on the bottom of the stairs, my hand gripping my hair tightly as I tried to get control of
myself. I wasn't sure how long I'd been sitting there with a duffel bag full of clothes lying on
the floor at my feet, but it felt like an eternity passed with each tick of the clock. Time was
fucking taunting me, continuing to steadily slip away while I sat still, unable to face any of
it yet. I was a coward, fucking weak and despicable, falling to pieces over something that
had been my own goddamn fault.
My hands were shaking and my stomach was churning, my chest aching as I tried to push
back my emotion. My heart was pounding erratically, the blood rushing through my veins
making me dizzy and I worried I was going to pass the fuck out if I didn't get myself under
control. It felt like someone was ripping my heart out but I guess it really didn't fucking
matter, considering I wouldn't need it after I walked out the front door. Every ounce of
fucking happiness I'd managed to find would stay behind in a cloud of memories, and I was
sure I deserved the pain I was feeling, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with. I could
practically see my pulse through my skin, each thump reminding me that I was still alive
despite the fact that it felt like I was dying inside.
Yeah, I was being dramatic, but I couldn't help it. It fucking hurt.
I heard footsteps on the stairs behind me and tensed up, suddenly feeling like I was going
to be sick. I was afraid Isabella was going to wake up and catch me, part of me
treacherously fucking hoping she would. That part wanted her to stop me, wanted her to
ask me to stay and never leave her, and I knew deep down inside if that happened that I
would never be able to walk out of that door. I couldn't deny her anything she asked of me,
even if I knew for a fact it was wrong. I'd proven that once again only a few hours earlier
when she asked me to make love to her... What kind of fucking man would agree to that,
knowing he was leaving?
Some fucking man of honor I was...
"I'm surprised you're still here," Jasper said quietly, sitting down on the step beside me. "I
thought you'd be gone by now."
"Yeah, so did I," I muttered, my voice shaking as I continued to stare at the floor. "She's
going to fucking hate me, Jasper. She's going to wake up and find that note and regret ever
letting me into her life."
"No, she won't," he responded, shaking his head. "She loves you, Edward. She could never
hate you."
"I don't want to fucking hurt her," I said quietly as I clenched my shaking hands into fists,
my eyes started burning with unshed tears as my body revolted against me. "Christ, this is
going to fucking devastate her."
"It will."
"Great," I spat. "Thanks for making me feel better."
"Do you want me to lie to you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly as I glanced at
him. "She loves you and she's never loved anyone before. It's going to hurt her, Edward.
There's no getting around that."
"This is fucked up," I said, shaking my head. "This isn't how it's supposed to be. It wasn't
supposed to end up like this, Jasper. We're supposed to be together. We're supposed to go
to California to get away from all of this bullshit, go to school and live with goddamn stupid
ass palm trees because they make her happy. We were supposed to go and just be. For once
in our fucking lives, we were going to just be, and now look at everything. What the fuck
have I done?"
"Are you rethinking this?" he asked. "I mean, you haven't left yet, Edward. Maybe Emmett
was right. Maybe it isn't too late."
"It is too late," I said pointedly. "The moment I took that fucking oath it became too late.
She's better than that shit, Jasper. She's better than the life I can give her. She spent her
whole life a fucking slave because of those motherfuckers... how can I expect her to just
surrender her future because of them, too? No, Emmett's wrong. It is too late."
"Well, does it have to be this way?" he asked. "Can't you talk to her and try to help her
understand?"
"What do you expect me to say?" I asked incredulously. "I love you but I have to leave you?
Trust me--it's for your own good? Christ, I can't look her in the eye and say that shit to her
face, even if it is true! She's going to beg me to change my mind and I can't, Jasper. But I
fucking would, because I'm weak, and then what? What happens in twenty years when she
resents me because she never got the chance to do any of that shit I promised her she could
do, and it's too fucking late for her to do any of it? Christ, and what if I got her fucking
killed? What if she ended up like Mom? I'd never forgive myself for it. I can't do that to her,
but there's no way she'll fucking understand it, not right now."
"What do you want me to say?" he asked quietly. "I'm trying to support you, even if I don't
agree with you. Tell me what you need from me."
"I need you to tell me you'll fucking make her believe that she doesn't need me, that she's
ready to do this shit on her own and that she can do it, because I know her, Jasper. She's
going to be scared, so you're going to have to seriously convince her that this shit is for the
best, even if you don't believe it," I rambled, standing up from the step as I started to pace
the foyer. My hand was gripping onto my hair tightly in frustration, my legs weak. "Tell me
you'll do whatever it takes."
"You know I will," he responded, staring at me with a serious expression on his face. "I've
already promised you I would. I'll convince her that she doesn't need you in her life... but
who's going to convince you, Edward? Who's going to make you believe that you'll be fine?"
"As long as she is, I will be," I said.
"And you trust me to do this?"
"Yes," I said. "You're the most like Mom, you know. You have her compassion, you hate the
fucking Mafia and you were never okay with the slavery. I know you'll help her get away
from all of it and start over, because out of everyone you see how sick this world is and how
she's better off as far away from it as possible."
"So if you trust me to make sure she's okay and you truly believe you'll be fine as long as
she is, why are you still here, Edward?"
His question caught me off guard and I glanced at him quickly, unsure of what the fuck to
say. He stared at me pointedly, awaiting some answer that would explain it, but the truth
was simply that the mere thought of stepping out that front door hurt worse than I ever
imagined it would. Before I could come up with something to rationalize my hesitance, the
front door opened and Emmett walked inside. He froze when he caught sight of me and I
realized he was still wearing the same clothes from the day before, meaning he'd probably
hadn't fucking slept.
He narrowed his eyes as he slammed the front door shut, the anger radiating from him
intense. Emmett could be intimidating when he wanted to be, dread brewing up inside of
me at his expression. He very rarely lost his temper but when he did another side of him
came out that was unpredictable, his words often hurting just as much as I imagined his
fists did.
"I see you haven't walked out on her yet," he said sharply, his word cutting deep. "Does that
mean you came to your senses?"
"Leave him alone, Emmett," Jasper said. "You're just making it worse."
"I'm making it worse?!" he asked with disbelief. "Someone has to try to talk him out of this
before he makes the biggest mistake of his life by letting her go. How can you support this
shit, Jazz? She's the best thing that ever happened to him!"
"You think I don't know that?" I snapped. "I love her, Emmett, and I'm lucky she ever gave
me a fucking chance. That's exactly why I'm doing this and I don't get how you can't see
that! She deserves to be free to do what she wants!"
"Then why the fuck are you taking that away from her?" he yelled. "You say you're doing
this so she'll be free to do what she wants, but did you even fucking give her a chance to tell
you what she wants to do? Did you even ask her, Edward? You're making this choice for
her instead of letting her do it!"
"I can't ask her to choose me! I can't put that burden on her and make her first real
decision be whether she follows me or her dreams. What kind of bullshit is that to ask of
her? She always fucking worries about everyone else and puts herself second because
assholes have beat her down, and I'd be no better than them if I asked her to put me first!
She doesn't know any better and would pick me, not knowing what she was giving up in the
process when she fucking deserves to know. She deserves to find out what's out there in
this world for her, whether she realizes it or not."
"That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard," Emmett snapped. "Do you even hear yourself?
What gives you the right to make this decision for her-because you know better than she
does? Could you possibly be more condescending? You're not giving her enough credit!"
"I'm giving her plenty of fucking credit!" I yelled. "She's better than all of this, Emmett. I
may be what she wants, but I'm not what she needs. I'm not good for her!"
"According to you," he spat, stalking forward and getting in my face as his temper flared
further. "But like I said, you didn't even ask her. You just assumed and made the decision
all on your own, you arrogant prick. Who gives a shit what Izzy Bizzy wants, right? We'll all
just claim to know better than her and make her decisions for her and pretend it's what she
needs when only she fucking knows what she needs."
"You think I don't already know what she wants? She wants a future, Emmett. She wants to
go to college and have a life away from all of this bullshit," I snapped. "She wants to be
free."
"But she isn't," he said. "Not as long as you're making her decisions for her. I really thought
you were better than that, Edward, but maybe I was wrong about you. If you can't see that
you mean more to her than anything else, then maybe you don't love her like I thought you
do. Maybe she is better off without an asshole like you."
The moment the words came from his mouth rage ran through me and I drew my arm
back, hitting him with as much force as I could. My fist connected with his jaw and he
staggered a few steps, caught off guard by my punch, but lunged right for me the moment
he gained his balance. Jasper jumped up and tried to come between us, but Emmett was
too strong and got his hands on me before he could stop him. He shoved me backwards
into the wall, pinning me there with his left hand as he drew his fist back. I tensed up,
waiting for the force of the blow, but before he could follow through a loud firm voice
echoed through the downstairs and caught us all off guard.
"Enough!"
Emmett let go of me and I glanced over toward the kitchen quickly as Alec started toward
us, a stern expression on his face. He grabbed a hold of Emmett and pushed him back,
physically coming between the two of us. "He doesn't know what the fuck he's saying," I
spat angrily, tears starting to fall from my eyes.
"Me? You're the one fucking up!" Emmett responded.
"I said enough! Neither of you know what you're talking about! The truth is that we all have
choices taken from us, and everything we do has consequences that affect others, whether
we mean them to or not. It's called life. Are you boys seriously so dense that you can't grasp
the concept of cause and effect?" he asked pointedly, glancing between us.
"This isn't just some unfortunate side effect," Emmett said.
"Yes, it is," Alec responded. "It doesn't matter what Edward does today, the truth of the
matter is that Isabella will have choices taken from her and not all of them will be his
doing. Certain things were determined the moment she was conceived, things she may very
well deserve taken from her at birth and there is nothing anyone can do to change that. You
can't rewrite history! You all stand around and talk about freedom as if the word alone has
meaning when it doesn't. You're just as idealistic as your father! Freedom is what you make
it.
"All of us are forced to make sacrifices and follow rules we wish we didn't have to follow,"
he continued after a moment. "All of us are affected by decisions made by others and this is
no exception. If Isabella wants to be with Edward, she loses the right to choose where she
lives and her life will often revolve around plans dictated by people she very well would
likely despise. If Edward leaves without her, she loses the choice of being with him. Edward
decided her fate the moment he decided his own, because that's what happens when you
place your love and trust in another, and I fail to see how this instance is any different."
He turned to Emmett, staring at him pointedly. "Isn't this how nearly all break ups are?
They aren't mutual-one person is choosing to walk away and the other person has no say in
the matter. Are you insinuating that Edward has no right to end the relationship if he wants
to? Is that not hypocritical, given your rant about people being free to make their own
choices? Edward isn't deciding Isabella's future. Edward is deciding his own, and the
unfortunate effect of his decision is that Isabella loses something. It's a part of life we all
have to deal with, no matter who we are."
He glanced at me and I tensed up, the anger in his expression staggering. "And you need to
grow a backbone and see this through. You've been sitting here all morning second-
guessing this and it's wearing on my nerves. You either go back up those stairs to where
Isabella is or you walk out of that front door, but there will be no more wavering in
between. You made your decision, you belong in Chicago now, so be a man and do what's
expected of you. Either you take her along or you don't, Edward. She's going to lose
something regardless, and the only question that remains is what she loses. So you need to
figure out whether you want her in that life with you or not, and you need to figure it out
now."
I stared at him, stunned speechless by the passion in his words. The foyer was quiet and
tense as everyone stared at me, my stomach churning from my nerves. "I can't bring her to
Chicago," I said quietly after a moment, shaking my head. "I can't have her around those
people. They've fucked up her life enough."
Emmett groaned as Alec nodded. "Fine. Pull yourself together and meet me in the car in
five minutes. If you aren't there, I will come back in here for you, and I assure you— you
don't want that to happen."
He pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed for the door, disappearing outside without
another word. I took a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face as I glanced at Jasper.
He gave me a sympathetic look but I just shook my head, not wanting to deal with that shit,
and reached into my pocket. I pulled out my keys, taking the key for the house in Chicago
off of it before holding the rest of them out to him.
"Give my car to Isabella. I totaled hers and she's going to need one to start out with. If she
doesn't want to keep it she can sell it or trade it in or fucking burn it for all I care, whatever
she wants to do. It doesn't matter anymore," I muttered. "Dad has all of her financial
paperwork. She's probably going to say some shit about not having any money but she has
just as much as we do and you're probably going to have to keep reminding her of that. If
you need anything else, any of my money to help get her set up, just let me know."
Emmett laughed bitterly behind me and I tensed up, balling my hands into fists. I quickly
explained to Jasper about why I'd left my phone behind, making him promise he'd get
Isabella's number changed. After everything was settled I grabbed my bag and quickly said
goodbye to Jasper, turning for the door and coming face to face with Emmett as he blocked
my path. He was clearly upset, his nostrils flaring as he struggled to keep himself under
control.
"Don't expect me to be there for you when you fucking fall apart," he said seriously. "The
only thing you'll ever hear from me is '/ told you so'."
He stared me down for a moment before stepping out of the way, allowing me to pass. I
walked to the door and hesitated for a moment, the pain radiating through my chest as I
gripped onto the doorknob. I closed my eyes and sighed, the tears slipping from the corner
of my eyes again as I walked out.
"Goodbye," I whispered.
***
"Edward!"
The sharp voice drew me from my thoughts and I glanced across the room at Esme, seeing
the expectant look on her face. "Huh?" I asked, unsure of what the fuck she'd said because I
hadn't been listening.
"I said Emmett's bachelor party is tonight."
"Is it?" I asked, surprised. "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."
"Don't be silly, you know you're invited," she responded. "He'd be ecstatic if you showed
up." I laughed dryly and ran my hand through my hair, turning away from her.
"I'm sure if Emmett wanted me there, he would've asked me to come himself," I said. "I'm
not exactly his favorite person, you know. I'm surprised I'm even invited to the fucking
wedding honestly. But then again you sent out the fucking invitations for that, so he might
not even know."
"Don't be ridiculous. You're brothers," she said quietly. "This feud between the two of you
really needs to stop. Life's too short. You love each other-it's time you start acting like it
again."
"Yeah, well, I'm not the one with the problem," I stated, shaking my head. Emmett had
meant those last words he'd said in Forks, and the encounter had been the last time the two
of us really spoke. We ran into each other a few times in passing at Esme's house and we
were civil for the sake of everyone else, but it was clear he had nothing to say to me. He
held a grudge and I couldn't stand the contempt that was in his eyes whenever he looked at
me. It, along with the fucking pity, was one reason I avoided most of them. Jasper stopped
calling after a few months and rarely returned any of my phone calls, and even when he did
he was fucking vague and short with me. Besides Alec, who I saw nearly every fucking day
because of the Borgata, I barely had any contact with any of my family. "You're lecturing
the wrong motherfucker right now, you know. You need to go tell Emmett that shit."
"You think I haven't already?" she asked. "He's just as stubborn as you are, saying he isn't
the one with the problem. Clearly, you both have a problem, and it's not going to stop until
one of you folds."
"And you expect me to?" I asked incredulously. "I haven't done a goddamn thing wrong,
Esme, but you expect me to say I did anyway? That's fucked up."
"I didn't say that, Edward. I said fold, not bluff," she said quietly. "Making a truce doesn't
mean you lose, you know that. It means you realize the fighting is unnecessary."
"Whatever," I muttered, shaking my head. "Where is it at, anyway—a strip club

somewhere?"
Esme laughed. "Lord, no. You know Rosalie would have all of our asses if we let that
happen. It's at the club down on Elm Street, the one Alec owns. It's at ten tonight," she
said. I laughed dryly and shook my head at her words.
"You know I can't go there. Alec would have my ass if I stepped foot inside of there after..."
I trailed off, continuing pointless because she knew the fucking story as well as I did.
"Molly," she said quietly, the word dripping with contempt. "Alec would make an exception
for this, you know." She paused and stared at me for a moment, her expression intense as
she thought about what to say next. "He's getting married, kiddo. This is a big deal and I
know he'd appreciate having you there, whether he'll admit it or not. Be the bigger man."
"I'll think about it."
"Good. I've got to get going. I have a whole house to clean for the reception on Sunday," she
said, smiling warmly.
"You can have Leah," I mumbled, shrugging. "She can scrub your floors or whatever."
"I'm not taking your help," she said, laughing. "I have Clara to help me. We'll manage it
fine."
"Whatever you say... where the fuck is Leah, anyway?" I asked as I glanced around,
surprised she hadn't busted into the room in the middle of our conversation and
interrupted us with some bullshit.
"She went out back, probably to get some air," she said, shrugging. "Anyway, I got you a
present and no complaints when you get it later, okay? I don't want to hear any nonsense
about not fussing over your birthday. And if I don't see you beforehand, I'll see you on
Sunday."
I nodded, knowing there was no point in fucking arguing with Esme, and she turned to
head for the door but paused as she gripped the doorknob. "Oh, and Edward?"
"Yes?"
She glanced at me and smiled warmly. "She said to tell you happy birthday."
I stared at her, watching as she disappeared outside without awaiting any response from
me. My heart started beating erratically and my eyes burned as I fought back my emotion,
her words stirring up something inside of me that I was both desperate to feel and afraid to
fucking welcome again.
"Happy fucking birthday to me," I muttered to myself when she was gone, clutching the
bottle of vodka again. I brought it up to my lips and took a swig, closing my eyes as I
savored the burning sensation. I wished it would finally completely kill the ache that had
resided in me for what felt like forever, but I knew deep down inside that nothing would
make it go away. Part of me was missing, a gaping hole where my fucking heart had once
been, and I knew it could never be replaced. It was the part that I'd left behind with her, the
part she carried with her where ever the fuck she went. Molly had come as close as possible
to filling the void, or at least fucking making me forget it was there, but it still hadn't been
enough. I was still trying to come to terms with that, learning to deal with the pain and
coping the only way I knew how.
To say I adjusted easily to life in Chicago would be the biggest fucking lie ever spoken.
I was numb for a while as I settled in, the entire thing surreal as I moved back into the
house my mother had raised us in. Being there brought back memories of my childhood
and for that I was grateful, because it was enough to distract me from everything else for a
while. I went through the motions, doing whatever the fuck I had to do to survive, but it
wasn't until my belongings arrived from Washington that it all finally hit me.
That was my fucking life now.
I started drinking every night as the heartache really set in, sometimes consuming so much
that I completely blacked out. My days were full of agony, my nights no better as I relived
everything in my dreams, and the only time I seemed to find escape from any of it was
when I got lost in the blackness. Everything was soothed away by the numbness provided
by the vodka, and every night as I slipped into unconsciousness I prayed that if I did wake
up, I would at least finally forget everything. I just wanted to fucking forget. I wanted the
torture to stop.
It never worked, though, and every morning I'd awaken and feel even worse than the night
before, the cycle starting all over again. I was spiraling out of control and everyone was
concerned for me, but I didn't care. It didn't matter what happened to me anymore... all I
fucking wanted was some peace, no matter the cost. I needed a reason to keep going,
something to look forward to in life before I surrendered completely to the blackness. I
went out every night to the club Alec owned, the loud music and crowds distracting me
from my thoughts long enough for the alcohol to take hold of me. I was depressed and
borderline suicidal, taking risks and getting sloppy with no regard for the potential
consequences I would face when I started really fucking up. I was disregarding basic rules,
drawing attention to myself when the oath demanded I stay as far from the spotlight as
possible. I met people, some that might have been good friends under other circumstances,
but none of them could get past that wall I'd once again built around me. My judgment was
skewed and I welcomed unsavory people into my life, ignoring the fact that they would
cause me nothing but trouble when it came down to it.
And it was then, when I reached my peak of desperation, that I was introduced to Molly.
Molly was both a blessing and a curse. It was a catch-22, because Molly finally made me
feel alive again, but at the same time lured me deeper into my pit of darkness. I was at the
club one night when it all changed, my life shifting as I sat in a back booth with a bottle of
Vodka in front of me. A guy I knew by the name of Phil came strolling over, sliding into the
seat beside me.
"Need something to perk you up?" Phil asked, glancing at me. I laughed dryly, shaking my
head.
"I doubt you have anything that will make me feel any better."
"Oh, I beg to differ," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small baggy with
some white powder inside. I watched with surprise as he poured some out on the table in
front of us, having never seen him with that sort of shit before. I'd done coke a few times
since coming to Chicago, getting it from people there in the club, and it dulled the ache but
it never lasted long enough to make any of it better.
He made two lines with the powder and rolled up a dollar bill, inhaling a line quickly. He
held the bill out to me, raising his eyebrows questioningly as he silently offered me the
other one. I debated for a split second before taking it, eyeing him cautiously.
"It's coke, right?" I asked, because it looked like cocaine but I didn't want to go sniffing
something without fucking asking first.
"No, it's not coke," he said, smirking. "This, my friend, is Molly. She's the new love of my
life."
"Molly?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
"Yes, Molly," he responded. "It's what they call pure powder MDMA on the streets, the
most potent you can find. It doesn't matter what's wrong in your life, Molly will make it all
better for a while. If you need a reason to smile, she'll give you one."
I hesitated for only a moment, having never done the shit before, before snorting the
powder up. The moment it hit my system a rush of exhilaration hit, the sensation
overwhelming. It was so intense that I sat frozen as it coursed through my veins, stunned
that for the first time the ache in my chest was completely wiped away and replaced with
something greater... something more intense than any anything I'd ever experience before.
They didn't call that shit ecstasy for nothing.
Molly became my nightly companion after that, and when I couldn't get my hands on the
powder I often resorted to popping the less effective pills or snorting cocaine for the
calming effects to hold me over. For hours I would be in a stupor, feeling as if I was floating
on air, my mind blank as my body was bombarded with wave after wave of euphoria. When
the drug started to wear off depression would creep back in, and the ache in my chest
would be more intense than ever before. I started growing desperate for the sensations,
seeking out the drugs more often to delay the unavoidable come down whenever I could. It
got to the point where I was constantly high and it started taking control of my life,
everything else falling to the wayside in my quest to fucking feel.
A few months after arriving in Chicago, I finally hit rock bottom. I was supposed to help
hijack a shipment on Aro's orders, but someone had apparently tipped the people off to our
plans and they were waiting for us when we arrived. They hid in the shadows with guns,
shots ringing out the moment we approached, bullets abruptly whizzing past me in the
darkness. I grabbed my gun and started firing back, but I was shooting blindly because it
was too fucking dark to see them and I was still high. A bullet zipped right by my head,
searing pain ripping through my face as it grazed my cheek. I cursed and sprinted away,
firing shots behind me as I ran for the car. I jumped in it and sped away from the scene, my
hands shaking and my stomach churning as I drove through town frenzied. My wound was
throbbing and I could feel the trickle of blood running down my cheek as I started to grow
dizzy. I was disoriented and drove straight to the club, grabbing a bottle of Grey Goose
from behind the bar without saying a fucking word to the bartender. I walked around the
club looking for Alec and spotted Phil from the corner of my eye, giving him some money
on a whim for a packet of Molly. I could feel my high wearing off, the depression coming
back, and I needed something to fucking soothe my nerves. I slid into the back booth,
dishing some of it out onto the table in front of me, and inhaled a bunch of it back-to-back
out of desperation before relaxing back in the seat waiting for it to hit me.
The euphoria washed over me, but just as quickly came another unexpected feeling. It
stirred deep inside, my heart pounding furiously as I grew even dizzier. My breath left me
in a whoosh, catching me off guard, and I struggled for air as my chest constricted.
It scared the fuck out of me and I clutched my chest as I hyperventilated, standing up

quickly in a panic. My eyesight blurred and I blinked rapidly, taking a few steps before my
legs gave out on me and I started convulsing. I fell to the ground hard, my head slamming
into a table as my vision completely blacked out and pain ripped through my skull. I heard
someone scream for them to call 911 before I slipped into unconsciousness, the blackness
completely taking me.
I awoke later in the hospital and was informed I'd overdosed on a combination of drugs,
the MDMA apparently tainted with high doses of powder heroin. Their testing also picked
up the weed I smoked and the cocaine I'd done, making it four separate drugs in my
system. Aro called me in for a sit-down when I was finally released the next morning,
having someone pick me up at the front door so I couldn't even attempt to evade. It was
clear his trust in me was wavering because of my behavior and I knew I was on shaky
ground, but I was too much of a mess to be able to seriously worry about it.
The sit-down went better that I expected, as he spent an hour berating me for how much of
a fuck up I was becoming but eventually gave me a pass. Two of their biggest beliefs were
that drugs were off limits and it was a necessity to stay below the radar, both of which I'd
blatantly disregarded. He informed me that if I made a spectacle of myself again there
would be dire consequences, his impatience reaching an all-time high. He was furious I
hadn't called him after the failure of a job, saying he would normally consider it me
abandoning post. I just took his rage quietly, agreeing with everything he said because I
knew if I weren't his fucking godson and Carlisle Cullen's kid, what I did likely would've
landed me in a grave somewhere on principle alone.
Sit-downs were intended to change people's behavior and settle disputes, the Boss's word
final and disregarding it was just asking to be fucking killed. I understood Aro's point and
knew I couldn't let that shit happen again, but it wasn't until later that the seriousness of
my mistakes really sunk in.
***
June 20th, 2007
I slowly walked up to the front door of the Evanson's, hesitating out of anxiety. Alec had
called a few minutes earlier, saying he needed to see me, not bothering to elaborate as to
why before hanging up. My mind was frantically trying to sort through scenarios as I made
the short walk to their house, my nerves flaring more at having to face him than they had at
being called in for the sit-down. Because of Royce's death Aro had appointed Alec my
mentor and I knew whatever I did, good or bad, ultimately reflected on him.
And what I'd done, clearly, hadn't been fucking good.
I raised my hand to knock but before I could the door was pulled open and Esme stood in
front of me, disappointment in her expression. I sighed and gave her a small smile,
suddenly feeling fucking guilty that she was obviously being caught in the middle.
"Hey, Esme," I said quietly. "You look nice today."
"Don't dare try to charm me, Edward Anthony Cullen," she said sharply, crossing her arms
over her chest as she moved to the side. "You have a lot of explaining to do. Alec's waiting
for you in his office."
I stepped past her into the house, running my hand through my hair anxiously. "Yeah,
thanks," I muttered, making my way down the hallway. I paused outside the door and
tapped lightly after a second, Alec's voice ringing out right away for me to enter. I stepped
inside and shut the door gently, eyeing him cautiously. He was sitting behind his desk, his
body language telling me he wasn't in the mood for bullshit, and he stared me down as I sat
down in a chair across from him. "Look, I'm sorry that..."
"I don't want to hear your meaningless apologies," he said pointedly, cutting me off as he
pulled open his desk drawer. "How long have you been doing it, Edward?"
He grabbed the small familiar packet of powder, raising his eyebrows questioningly as he
held it up. "A few weeks maybe," I said, shrugging. "Two months at most. I don't know, I
haven't exactly kept a fucking calendar or anything."
"You will talk to me with respect," he said sharply, the tone of his voice sending a chill
down my spine. I nodded hesitantly, trying to push back my dread. He wasn't speaking to
me as family, that much was clear... he was addressing me as my superior and expected me
to treat him as so.
"Yes, sir."
"Good. And quite frankly it doesn't matter how long you've been doing it, because the fact
is that it ends now. If I ever hear of you touching this again, if it doesn't kill you, I will," he
said seriously. "And what in the world possessed you to do heroin in the first place? Your
father is a doctor; you ought to at least be smart enough to know how dangerous it is."
"I am. I didn't know it was heroin," I muttered. "It was supposed to be Molly, you know,
pure MDMA."
"This is Molly?" he asked incredulously. I nodded and he laughed dryly, tossing the packet
back in his drawer. "And here I thought you had a goomah by than name."
"You thought I was seeing someone?" I asked with surprise. "That's crazy."
"No, it's not crazy," he stated. "Crazy is infecting your system with these illicit intoxicants
for a thrill instead of indulging in something safer, like a woman. You clearly have more
issues than I thought if you find this more acceptable than a casual fling."
"There's only one woman for me," I said quietly.
"So you claim," he retorted. "But actions speak a lot louder than words, and quite frankly
your actions are telling me you are far from trustworthy. In fact, I'm beginning to question
whether or not I can believe anything you've said, and that's dangerous because if I can't
trust you, I can't keep you around. I expected some issues along the way, Edward. I knew it
wouldn't be easy for you to adjust, just as it hadn't been easy for your father. He got called
in for a few sit-downs before he finally got into his groove, but the one thing your father
had that could always be counted on was his word. He meant what he said and that's
something you're lacking at this point. The drugs I can deal with and the slip-ups I can help
cover, but I cannot tolerate the lying."
"Lying?" I asked, unsure of what the fuck he was talking about. "I haven't lied about shit."
"What did I say about speaking to me with respect?" he snapped. "And you have lied. I
recall you assuring your brother that as long as Isabella was fine, you would be fine, and
that was clearly a lie judging by your state today. You're a mess, worse than I've ever seen
you before. If I can't trust you to be honest about something as trivial as that, how am I
supposed to place trust of my life in you?"
"That's different," I said, stunned by the turn in conversation. The ache inside of me
intensified at the mention of her name and I started rubbing my chest, cringing.
"No, it's not different," he stated. "And that's why I called you here today, because this has
got to stop."
I watched with confusion as he reached across his desk for his answering machine, turning
the volume knob up the whole way before hitting the button on the top to play it.
"Friday, June Twentieth. Three Forty-Three PM," the automated message rang out. I
glanced over at the clock almost on instinct and saw it was a quarter until five, the message
coming in an hour earlier. I sighed, unsure of what the fuck he was playing it for, but the
question was answered a second later as the soft voice echoed through the eerily quiet
room. The sound of it nearly stilled my heart, my breath leaving me instantly.
"Hello, Alec? It's, uh, Isabella. I meant to call sooner but I got kind of busy. I'm sorry about
that." Her voice shook slightly, the anxiety clear in her words, but the sound of it sent the
blood rushing furiously through my veins as a swell of emotion hit me. "I'm doing okay and
am settling in here. I did get to register for school and I have orientation on Monday, thank
you for your help with that. I really appreciate it. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know
that everything was fine." The line went silent and I wondered if she'd hung up, but I heard
a shaky breath after a moment that indicated she was still there. "Uh, can you please wish
Edward a happy birthday for me? I, uh... I hope he's doing okay, too."
Her words tapered off and I heard the click, knowing she'd really hung up that time. Alec
sat still in his chair and stared at me expectantly, a tense silence falling over the room as I
processed what the fuck she'd said. She was okay and settling in, starting school soon. She
claimed she was fine and even sounded like she meant it, despite her obvious nerves at
fucking having to call Alec. I couldn't blame her for that, though, because even I got
nervous talking to the motherfucker. I ran through her words repeatedly, her voice
replaying in my mind as a small smile crept over my lips. Longing brewed up inside of me,
my eyes starting to burn as the lump in my throat formed, but I ignored them because I
had no right to get fucking emotional over it. I'd lost that right when I walked out that door,
but I couldn't help the fucking pride I felt in that moment when it dawned on me that she
was really doing it.
"Is she, uh, going to school with Jasper?" I asked, clearing my throat as I tried to get a grip
on myself. "Where is she?"
"Where doesn't matter," he responded. "Instead of worrying about her, you need to start
worrying about yourself. Clearly Isabella is settling in fine, so it's time for you to be a man
of your word and do the same. If you want me to believe that you aren't a liar and I can
trust you, you need to pull yourself together quickly, before I really lose my patience. That's
all I have to say to you and your aunt expects you back here in three hours for your
birthday dinner, so go clean yourself up and put your head on straight."
He looked away from me, his tone final. I got up after a second and headed for the door,
but he cleared his throat to stop me. "One more thing," he said. I glanced at him
questioningly, seeing the seriousness in his expression still. "Where did you get the drugs
from?"
"I got it from a guy name Phil," I begrudgingly answered, feeling like a fucking rat telling
on him. "I met him down at your club."
"My club?" he asked, surprised. I nodded and he shook his head, muttering under his
breath. "I never want to see you in there again, do you hear me? That place is completely
off limits to you until I tell you otherwise. You're dismissed."
***
Not long after that conversation, Phil's lifeless body had been found lying in a ditch
alongside the road, a single bullet wound straight through his right eye. I never confronted
Alec about it but I didn't have to, because I knew a Mafia hit when I saw one. They were
called message jobs for a reason, a shot through the eye telling everyone that they were
being watched and if anyone did what he did they'd end up with the same fucking fate. Alec
wouldn't have tolerated drugs in his club, I should've known that from the beginning, but I
got the message loud and clear afterward. I'd gotten someone killed because of my
negligence and selfishness, someone who hadn't done shit to deserve death, but had found
it because he'd been unlucky enough to cross paths with me. It reminded me of what
Isabella had told me when she first came to live with us in Washington, how when she lived
in Phoenix she constantly feared paying for others' mistakes. Phil had paid for mine with
his life, that fact reaffirming in my mind that I'd done the right thing in not bring Isabella
along with me to Chicago. One slip up from me cost someone their life, and I would've
never fucking forgave myself if it had been her.
I never went near Molly again after that and I stayed out of the club at Alec's orders,
isolating myself in my house away from everyone. Esme took a stand and started hounding
me to get my life straight, which was when I looked into attending school to give me
something to hold on to. It grew easier with time but the pain never completely went away,
the ache in my chest still remaining no matter what. I ventured to guess it would always be
there, fucking taunting me, but the knowledge that she was okay was at least enough to
keep me going.
And a year later, I was still trudging along.
I hadn't heard her voice again since that day, but I lay awake at night trying to conjure up
the sound of it, wallowing in the memories of our time together. I dreamed up scenarios of
where she was and what she was doing, the thoughts warding off the nightmares that
threatened to take over if I drifted off to sleep. No one would tell me anything about her, all
conversations ceasing the moment she was mentioned. It pissed me off but I knew it was
irrational, because I'd done everything I could to cut ties and I had no right to expect them
to go against that. I worried for her, and tried to fucking find her at one point, but I didn't
know where to start and found nothing everywhere I did look.
I grew desperate and got my hands on Alec's cell phone while visiting their house one
afternoon, hoping to find her number, but he caught me before I could find it. He was
fuming and threatened me when he realized what I was doing, declaring if I ever tried to
find her again he'd make me regret it. He said I'd made my decision and her life was hers,
and if she wanted to speak to me she'd find me. Those words hurt, because I realized at that
moment that they were true. Besides wishing me a happy birthday in her message, there
had been nothing from her to indicate she even fucking wanted anything to do with me. I
had no right to force my way into her world, knowing it would only fucking hurt us both
more by reopening the wound.
I put the top back on the bottle of Grey Goose and slipped it back in the freezer as I tried to
push thoughts of her from my mind, strolling through the house as I headed for the back
door. I pushed it open and cringed from the blinding sunlight as I stepped out onto the
back step. I was immediately assaulted with a puff of smoke, my eyes burning on contact.
"Christ, what the fuck did I tell you about that?" I spat in annoyance, waving away the
smoke as I glared at the slender olive skinned woman standing off to the side. She had on a
pair of jeans and a plain T-shirt, her arm wrapped around herself as she gazed at me
apprehensively.
"You smoke," she said defensively, not bothering to put out the lit cigarette in her hand.
"I smoke weed, Leah. There's a big difference between it and those fucking things," I
muttered. She rolled her eyes and reached into her pocket where her pack of Marlboro's
were, snatching one out and handing it out to me without a word. I took it, muttering
under my breath about how disgusting they were, but lit it anyway after she handed her
lighter to me. The smoke burned my lungs and I coughed as I exhaled, flicking the ashes
onto the ground. "What the fuck are you doing out here, anyway? Don't you have work to
do or something?"
"I needed some fresh air," she said, shrugging. I took another drag of the cigarette and
laughed bitterly as I exhaled.
"Seems kind of fucking counterproductive if you're smoking, doesn't it?" I asked. "And
what the hell were you thinking letting my aunt in the house without my permission?"
"She's a nice lady. Plus, she said it was your birthday," she said, glancing at me with a
smile. "How old are you, anyway?"
"Old enough to know better," I muttered.
"But still too young to care?" she added playfully, laughing.
"Something like that."
"You should've told me it was your birthday," she said. "I would've done something for
you."
"I don't want anything."
"Oh, come on. You're definitely not old enough to be cynical about birthdays, Mr. Cullen.
Did you have a bad experience?"
I rolled my eyes and took a last drag off of the cigarette before flicking it onto the ground.
"Just drop it."
"I could make you a cake," she said, shrugging as she stamped on my cigarette to put it out.
"What's your favorite?" I tensed up as soon as the words rolled from her lips, instantly hit
with a flash of Isabella in the kitchen in Forks. She'd made me an Italian Cream Cake and I
told her it was my favorite, because it had been the sweetest goddamn thing anyone had
ever done for me.
"I don't like cake," I muttered, annoyed as I tried to force the memory back. "If you really
want to do something for my birthday, why don't you get your fucking work done on time
for once?"
"Whatever," she said as I turned and headed in the house. The back door slammed behind
me and I cringed at the sound, my head still hurting. I staggered through the house and up
the stairs, going straight back to the room and plopping down in the chair behind the desk.
I opened the laptop and turned it back out, settling into the seat as I ran my hands through
my hair. The school work wouldn't fucking do itself, so I knew I had no choice but to suck it
up and do it.
Time passed as I sat there, and in reality it was only about an hour but it felt like a fucking
eternity. I heard the doorbell ring but ignored it, knowing if it was important they'd call my
cell phone. I was in no mood to entertain company, trying to focus all of my attention on
my music theories homework instead of what threatened to take hold, and that was
thoughts of her.
A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and I groaned, gripping onto my hair
tightly in aggravation. "What?" I yelled. The door was pushed open after a moment and
Leah stepped in, holding a large somewhat flat brown package in her hands.
"UPS just dropped it off," she said. I sighed and closed the laptop, shoving it to the side as
she walked toward me. She sat it down on the desk and I eyed it suspiciously, wondering
what the fuck it was, and saw the return address was some art company. "Do you think it's
a birthday present?"
"Why are you always such a nosey bitch?"
"Why are you always such an asshole?"
I glanced at her with surprise and saw the amused look on her face. "You've got to have
some fucking balls to talk to me that way," I said, cocking an eyebrow at her. "Is there
something else you needed? If not, you can seriously get the fuck out now."
"Nope, that's it," she said. "In fact, I'm all done. Everything's done and on time, thank- you-
very-much."
"About time," I said. She rolled her eyes and turned to leave but I called her name as she hit
the doorway. I opened the top desk drawer and pulled out my checkbook, quickly writing
her a check and signing it. It held it out to her and she smiled, walking back over and
snatching it out of my hand.
"This better not bounce, Mr. Cullen," she said.
"Do my checks ever bounce?" I asked, watching as she shook her head. 'That's what I
thought. Now get the hell out of here before I take it back."
"You wouldn't," she said confidently, smiling. She turned and headed for the door once
again, her voice ringing out from the hallway as she started for the stairs. "See you next
week!"
"Lucky me," I muttered. Leah had been coming every week for the past year, cleaning up
and making sure the house was in order for me. I refused to bring a slave into my home,
the mere thought of it feeling like a fucking slap to the face, so Esme helped find someone
who could be discrete because it was clear I was too much of a fucking mess to take care of
myself. She was reliable and trustworthy, the daughter of a friend of Esme's, and despite
the fact that she had a smart ass mouth and didn't listen for shit, she was a good worker. I
paid her enough that she'd never consider turning against me, so I wasn't worried about
that. I'd gotten myself together enough that I probably didn't need her anymore, but I had
to admit it was nice to have someone around occasionally who would actually fucking talk
to me like I was just another person.
I unlocked the bottom drawer of the desk to get a knife, quickly slicing open the box and
pulling out the canvas. It was an abstract painting of a piano, the keys all twisted and
distorted. There was blood red paint splattered on the canvas, accenting the black and
white tones of everything else. There were bars of twisted notes painted amongst it, the
melodies blending in and out with some cloudy gray paint that made it look like fog
lingered around everything. It was striking, something about it completely captivating.
I carried the painting downstairs and hung it up in the living room behind the couch,
standing back for a moment to admire it. "Esme," I muttered, recalling her telling me she
got me a present. I smiled, shaking my head as I turned to head back upstairs. At least it
was something fucking decent, unlike last year when she bought me a goddamn self-help
book.
The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur as I finally finished up my school work, night
falling by the time I finally fucking showered and put on some decent clothes. I was feeling
better finally, my body recovering from the night before in just enough time for me to fuck
it up some more.
I stood in the kitchen with the bottle of grey goose, taking swigs as I glared at the clock, my
hand continually assaulting my hair in frustration. The time on the microwave glowed red
in the darkened room, shifting every minute that passed to bring me closer to ten o'clock. I
was debating what to do, desperately just wanting to go to sleep and end the day but feeling
guilty because of Esme's words that morning. I knew my father was in town by now, as
would be Jasper, and all of them would be down at the club celebrating Emmett's
impending vows. Part of me felt like I should fucking be there but there was still that other
part that was offended by the shit Emmett had said to me, not wanting to concede and let it
go without a goddamn apology from him. I knew I wouldn't get one, and realistically he
probably felt the same fucking way, but Esme had been right when she said we were
brothers and this was a big deal for him.
I glanced around the kitchen and started rooting through drawers, looking for some
fucking Xanax or something to calm my ass down, and froze when I opened the drawer
near the sink and spotted the folded up piece of paper on top. The pain in my chest
intensified, nearly taking the breath from me, and I slammed the drawer closed quickly as
the tears welled up in my eyes. It was the last thing I needed to do at that moment, to
wallow in fucking misery when there were more important things to deal with than my
heartbreak, but the pain wouldn't recede no matter what I did to push it back. It never
fucking did, because the truth was that I didn't even have to pick up the piece of paper to
know what it was. I'd read it more times than I could count, the paper worn and torn from
being fucking unfolded and refolded so many times, and the words were etched in my
memory like someone had carved them there with a fucking knife.
I had no idea when she'd written it, as it had no date on it or any indication of what the hell
inspired it. She was often writing little notes on the foggy mirrors and shit, but this one had
been slipped into the pocket of my winter coat. I discovered it not long after arriving in
Chicago and the words had haunted me ever since, replaying in my mind every time I was
reminded of it. She was a part of me, that was fucking clear given the void I felt without
her, but I wondered if I she still felt that way too. Did she ache just as I did, like a part of
her had been ripped away and she'd never be whole again? Had she ever thought of coming
after me or trying to stop me? Did she still love me? Could she ever again?
She was fine; I had to keep reminding myself that. Where ever she was, she was okay, and
that was all the fucking mattered. Losing her had been worth it, no matter how much it
fucking hurt, because she had a life now.
I took one last swig of the vodka before grabbing my keys and slipping my gun in my
waistband, covering it with my shirt. I bolted for the front door before I could lose my
nerve, locking the house up before heading for the black Mercedes in the driveway. I hated
the damn car but it blended in with everyone else's and I figured that was for the best, after
getting off to such a rough start. The last thing I needed was to draw more attention to
myself, even if it was by buying a car that stood out. I had to be discrete, especially when
out on jobs so no one would even give me a second look. I appeared to be just another one
of them, just a fucking minion that ran with the mafia, no one of importance but at the
same time someone you clearly didn't fuck with if you valued your life.
I drove the few minutes to the club, my nerves more on edge the closer I got. I spotted
Emmett's jeep the moment I arrived, parked between two rental cars along the side. Alec's
car was parked in front near the entrance where it always sat when he was present at the
club, which I knew wasn't very often. He may have ownership of it but he left others to run
it, because to him it was just a cover for where he got his money from and somewhere for
him to conduct his business outside of the home he shared with Esme. I parked in the back,
locking the car up before heading inside. I hesitated as soon as I stepped foot in the door,
coming face to face with Alec almost instantly. He turned to look at me with surprise and
my heart nearly fucking stalled, his warning to stay out of the place echoing through my
thoughts as he stared me down. I wasn't sure how he'd react, and despite Esme's instance
that he'd make an exception for the night I couldn't exactly predict what the fuck he'd do.
"I'm surprised to see you here," he said calmly as he approached me, his tone easing my
nerves a bit.
"Yeah, well, you know how it is," I mumbled, running my hand through my hair as I tried
to ward off the anxiety. In the aftermath of seeing the fucking letter again, I'd forgotten all
about the goddamn Xanax.
"Yes, I do," he responded, motioning with his head for me to proceed inside. I thanked him
as I slowly strolled toward the corner table in the back where they all sat. I saw Emmett
first, sitting on the end with my father and Jasper on each side of him. I knew people from
the Borgata would be in and out to wish him well, and his friends from school would show
up eventually, but for the moment it was just them.
"Edward," my father said, nodding in acknowledgment as I approached. Emmett and

Jasper both glanced up quickly at the sound of my name, visibly tensing up at the sight of
me. I could see that fucking look flare in Emmett's eyes, the anger mixed with the pity that
I hated.
"Hey," I responded, pausing in front of them. I reached across the table, extending my
hand to Emmett, and he stared at it for a moment debating whether or not to fucking take
it. "Congrats."
"Thanks," he said finally as he shook my hand, his grip intentionally firm. I winced and
pulled back, flexing my fingers as he motioned toward a chair. "Have a seat, join the
festivities."
I slipped in beside Jasper and he refused to acknowledge me, his eyes focused intently on
the table in front of him and avoiding me at all costs. I wasn't sure what his problem was,
but it was clear I was the last person he wanted to deal with at that moment.
A waitress walked over after a moment and sat two bottles of Cristal on the table in front of
us, glancing at me with surprise as she put a glass down in front of me. "Nice to see you,
Edward," she said, smiling.
"Yeah, nice to see you again, too," I muttered, trying to be polite despite the fact that I had
no fucking clue who she was. It wasn't surprising, though, considering I hadn't been in the
place in a year and the time I did spend there had been hazy from the drugs and alcohol.
Alec walked over and sat down across from me, nonchalantly waving the waitress off. She
scurried away and he smiled lightly, grabbing a bottle and slowly popping the cork on it.
"The men in our family celebrate in style before they take the plunge."
"Thanks, Unk," Emmett responded, holding his glass out so Alec could fill it. He poured
himself some next and filled Jasper's glass before pouring some into mine. He grabbed my
father's glass and filled it, earning an incredulous look from him.
"You know I'm not supposed to drink while out on bail," my father said. Alec smiled in
amusement.
"I'm aware," he responded. "But I'm quite sure they'd be more concerned about the gun in
your waistband than they would be about the champagne in your glass, so I see no reason
for you not to indulge a bit."
"They can't see the gun, but the Champagne is quite obvious," my father said. "I can't get
thrown back in jail right now for violating the terms of my bail. I have things I need to do
before the trial starts next week."
"Like?" I asked curiously, wondering what the fuck he had to do. He's been cut off from
Borgata business and let go from the hospital in Forks because of the high-profile charges
brought against him, but he'd been staying busy with something. In fact, he'd been nearly
impossible to get in fucking touch with.
"Like... walking Rose down the aisle," he said, shrugging.
"Is that it?" I asked. "Is that why you've been so fucking busy this past year? Practicing
walking down an aisle?"
"Are you questioning how I spend my free time?" he asked, raising his eyebrows
questioningly. "Are we going to swap stories? Perhaps you'd like to share what you've been
doing this past year."
I tensed up and a small smile overcame his lips when he knew he had me. There was no
way I could talk about the shit I'd done.
"Now's not the time for this," Alec said pointedly, cutting his eyes at me. "The truth,
Carlisle, is that you could very well spend the rest of your years away from us, and on top of
it your oldest is getting married. As you know, that's pretty much a life sentence in itself. So
correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that calls for at least one drink."
My father nodded hesitantly and picked up his glass, bringing it to his lips and taking a sip.
The rest of us started drinking, the Cristal flowing freely as we delved into conversation.
Emmett did most of the talking and I sat back quietly, listening as the alcohol seeped into
my system. It didn't take my brother's long to get tipsy, the tension receding from the table
the more intoxicated they became. They were joking and laughing and I found myself
enjoying their company again, longing brewing up inside of me as it reminded me of how
life had been back in Washington before everything had crumbled. How happy and carefree
everyone had been before the bubble burst, reality invading our happy home and tearing it
to pieces.
I guess that bullshit cliché saying was true after all. You don't know what you've got until
it's gone.
I zoned out as memories invaded my thoughts, but was pulled back to reality when the
sound of her name registered in my ears. I turned my head quickly to look at Jasper, my
brow furrowing as Emmett started laughing.
"Izzy Bizzy probably doesn't know what the fuck RSVP means," Emmett said jokingly. "I
can just picture her sitting there trying to decipher that shit."
"She probably made a list of what the letters could stand for," Jasper said, laughing along.
"What the fuck do they stand for, anyway?" Emmett asked. "Dunno," Jasper said,
shrugging. "It's French or something."
"Yeah, she never would've got that shit," Emmett said, laughing again. "I'm sure she got the
gist of it, though."
"Yeah. If not, I'm sure she has friends that know what it means," Jasper responded.
I stared at them, stunned by their casual conversation. I wasn't sure why it hadn't dawned
on me until that moment, but they considered her family and naturally would've invited
her to the fucking wedding. My heart started pounding so forcefully that my vision blurred
at the prospect that in a few lone days I might see her, agony and hope battling inside of
me.
"Is she coming?" I asked, the words rolling from my lips before I knew what I was doing.
They all looked at me, stiffening as they were reminded of my presence.
"Like I said a minute ago, I don't know," Emmett responded. "Rose said she hadn't
RSVP'ed."
"And no one has talked to her?" I asked incredulously, turning my head to look at Jasper.
He shrugged his shoulders slowly before looking back down at the table. I gaped at him,
unsure of what the fuck that meant since he was supposed to be helping her. "That's
ridiculous. Someone had to have talked to her about. Esme just said this morning..."
"What did my wife say?" Alec asked sharply as I trailed off.
"She said that Isabella wished me a happy birthday," I said, staring at him questioningly.
"So, I mean, she talked to her at least, right?" He stared back with a blank expression for a
moment and I instantly wondered if she'd fucking lied to me just to try to make me feel
better, but he nodded as he picked up his glass to take a sip.
"I spoke to her this morning," he responded. "Whether or not she comes to the wedding is
up to her and she knows that. She hasn't told me her decision, but she was well aware of
what RSVP means. Répondez s'il vous plait. You all should give her more credit. It seems
she's smarter than all of you."
The tension from earlier swept back in so quickly that my stomach churned. An
uncomfortable silence lingered around the table and I stood up, walking away when it got
to be too much to take. The hope that had threatened to burst forth burned through my
system, taunting me.
I took a seat at the bar, barking for the bartender to get me some vodka, and downed two
shots back-to-back as soon as he sat them down in front of me. He was pouring a third
when the stool beside me shifted, and I tensed up as I glanced over and saw Emmett sit
down. He didn't look at me or even acknowledge me for a moment as he told the bartender
to pour him a shot. He downed it quickly and grimaced, his body shuddering as he
groaned.
"I don't know how the hell you drink this shit straight from the bottle," he said, motioning
for his shot glass to be filled again. I threw mine back when the bartender approached and
he filled them both up, just sitting the bottle down between us on the bar.
"Your body gets used to it after a while," I said, downing my other shot. "Barely feel the
burn anymore. Goes down like water."
"Huh," he said, throwing his vodka back. He grimaced once more, a rumble escaping his
chest as he slammed the shot glass down on the bar. I chuckled and filled them both back
up, downing mine but Emmett just stared at his. He picked it up after a moment, swirling
the liquid around as he gazed at it with a contemplative expression.
"Go ahead and say it," I muttered, pouring another shot. He laughed humorlessly, shaking
his head.
"There's no point in saying it," he said before throwing his shot back. He fought back the
shudder but I saw his body shake from the burn. "Your misery takes the fun out of it."
"I'm fine," I said, grabbing the bottle of liquor. I went to pour him a shot but he stopped
me, shaking his head. I shrugged and just tipped the bottle back, knowing I'd just pay for
the whole thing anyway.
"You're a pretty good liar, but you can't fool me," he responded, turning his head to look at
me for the first time since he'd sat down. "I know you're miserable. It's easy to see just
looking at you."
"Yeah, well, there's nothing I can do about it, so there's no point dwelling," I muttered.
"You know, she doesn't talk to any of us anymore," he said, looking away from me again.
He picked a coaster up that lay on the bar and put it on its corner, attempting to spin it. He
appeared bored but I could see his expression and knew he was trying to decide what the
fuck he should or shouldn't say to me. "We used to hear from her occasionally, little things
like text messages saying hello and random cards in the mail. Fuck, even got a few emails
after she got the whole computer thing figured out. But it all stopped after a few months."
I stared at him with surprise, trying to process his words. "Did something happen?" I asked
hesitantly, wondering why contact stopped. I tried to push back my panic, not wanting to
freak the fuck out if it was nothing but horrific scenarios tried to take over my mind. "She's
okay, isn't she?"
"Yeah, she's alright," he said. "Well, I guess she is. Can't say for sure since I don't talk to
her, but I'm sure if something was wrong we'd know since Alec keeps up with her."
"What about Jasper?" I asked. "Doesn't he see her around school or whatever? Can't he still
check on her?"
He laughed humorlessly. "Jasper doesn't hear from her, either. He doesn't even know
where she is. That's why he avoids talking to you and why he looks so fucking afraid just
sitting beside you. He's waiting on you to flip the fuck out on him about it. He thinks he
failed, but I told him what happened was what was supposed to happen. You pushed the
little birdie from the nest and she did exactly what she was always meant to do."
"What's that?" I asked as he pushed his stool back, standing up. "She flew."
He smirked and I watched as he strolled across the room toward the table where everyone
sat, realizing in a way that he'd just done what I'd been too fucking stubborn to do—he
conceded. He might not have fucking agreed with me at the time, and part of him probably
still didn't, but he knew enough now to see that I hadn't completely fucked up by letting her
go. I sighed and grabbed the bottle, standing up as I took a drink of it. I started for the
table, my brow furrowing when I saw Alec was gone. I glanced around and saw him in the
corner talking to someone and tensed up, stopping dead in my tracks when he shifted out
of the way and I caught sight of the man's face. The features struck me hard, anger surging
through me when he turned his head and looked directly at me. It was unmistakable, the
scar covering half of his face a dead giveaway.
Alistair.
I glared at him, my hands starting to shake as I fought back my rage. It was the first time
I'd seen him in person and I immediately wondered what the fuck he was doing there, my
fear igniting as a smirk overcame his lips when he saw me looking. My heart pounded with
so much force I could feel the blood rushing through me, and it took everything I had to
refrain from snapping at the mere sight of him. I didn't give a fuck what my father had tried
to convince me of... that motherfucker had done it. I was sure of it, every ounce of me
positive that he'd not only been involved in my mother's murder but also the kidnapping,
and somehow he was going to fucking pay.
My phone started vibrating in my pocket, distracting me momentarily. I pulled it out,

glancing at the screen and silencing it when I saw it was Esme. I looked back over at Alec,
tensing up when I saw he was on his cell phone and Alistair was heading in our direction.
He passed between me and the table, pausing briefly to acknowledge my father.
"Nice to see you again, Carlisle," he said casually.
"It's Dr. Cullen," my father responded sharply, his tone catching me off guard. "I've earned
my place and deserve to be addressed with respect."
"Dr. Cullen," Alistair said coolly, his demeanor shifting because of my father's hostility. I
glanced over at him and saw the anger in his eyes, his expression matching how I felt
inside. It was startling and I instantly wondered if maybe he did fucking believe me, but
before I could dwell on the thought Alastair turned to me, the smirk returning to his lips.
"This must be the youngest Cullen. Edward, is it? If I'm recalling correctly, you look an
awful lot like your mother did. Pity what happened to her."
"You son of a bitch," I snapped, rage whipping through me with such intensity that my
knees nearly buckled. He flinched, caught off guard, and immediately took a step back as
my father jumped up. He crossed the table quickly and came at us as I lunged at the man,
ready to fucking pound on him. My father jumped between us as I swung the bottle of
vodka in my hands, the liquid splashing out on us as I flung it at him. He ducked so it
missed, slamming into the table behind him and shattering from the force of the throw.
"Don't you ever fucking talk about my mother!"
"Edward!" my father yelled. Alistair's eyes widened with shock as I tried to lunge for him
again, but my father shoved me backward and before I could make another move someone
grabbed a hold of me from behind. I tried to push them away and swung around, but before
I could react Alec grabbed me by my neck and threw me against the nearby wall, pinning
me against it with his thumb and pointer finger gripping tightly and making it difficult to
breath. I grabbed his arm and tried to pry him off, but he wouldn't budge.
"Respect," he hissed the word so low only I could hear it, his voice seething.
"I apologize for my son's behavior," I heard my father say, an edge to his words like he had
to force them out. "He's still adjusting."
"No harm done," Alistair responded, turning to look at me. "But I, too, have earned my
place and deserve respect. I'll let this slide tonight, but next time I'll have no choice but to
escalate the matter further."
"Understood," my father responded. "But I can personally assure you there won't be a next
time."
"Can you?" Alistair asked as Alec finally let go of me. I inhaled deeply, my chest burning
and throat aching. "It seems to me the boy is quite volatile."
"He can be at times, but yes, I can guarantee you'll never have another run in with him,"
my father said. I turned to look at him with surprise, stunned he was standing up for me
when he'd told me a dozen fucking times in Washington that he wasn't going to bail my ass
out of any more situations because I needed to learn to face the consequences of my
actions. I saw the serious expression on his face, knowing he obviously meant the words.
"I'll hold you to that," Alistair said. My father nodded. "You do that."
Alistair walked off and I tried to turn to go back to the table, but Alec grabbed a hold of my
arm to stop me. "Christ, I'm not going to do anything," I spat. "I'm just going to sit the fuck
down and shut the fuck up like I'm expected to."
"On the contrary, you will be doing something," Alec said, his tone serious. "I was speaking
to Aro on the phone and we have a situation across town that we need to handle. So pull
yourself together, because we're wasting valuable time on this nonsense."
I looked at him with surprise as he motioned for a waitress to come over, telling her to keep
the alcohol flowing to his family, free of charge, and told her to have someone clean up the
mess I'd created. He apologized to Emmett and guilt immediately hit me that I'd created a
fucking scene at his celebration. Alec explained that we needed to leave and I glanced at my
brother, ashamed.
"Sorry, Em," I mumbled. "Didn't mean to fuck things up."
"It's not a big deal," he said. "It wouldn't be our family without something happening. I
don't know who that fucker was, but I got a bad vibe from him so be careful, alright?"
I nodded and my father sighed exasperatedly. "He's nothing to worry about," he said
calmly. "He won't be a problem."
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, confusion setting in. A moment ago I'd thought maybe he
fucking believed me, but now he was acting as if the motherfucker was harmless again.
Before I could say anything, though, Alec lost his patience and started pulling me toward
the front door. I shrugged his hands off and followed him out to the parking lot, turning for
my car but he grabbed me again to stop me. "Get in," he said, shoving me toward the
passenger side of his Mercedes. I sighed, aggravated, and climbed in because I knew
arguing would only get me in deeper trouble.
He didn't say a word as he sped through town, the tension in the car unbearable. Anger was
rolling from him in waves and I seemed to absorb it, my hostility mounting as I clenched
my hands into fists. I glared out the side window, watching as the buildings whizzed by in
the darkness, thinking back to the first time Alec took me on a job.
***
January 20th, 2007
"What the fuck are we doing here?" I asked in confusion, staring at the run-down building
as we approached it. 'Sinsations' was the name of the place according to the flashing
florescent sign and I could tell just by looking at it that it was not somewhere someone like
Alec would regularly visit.
"Business," Alec responded simply. I sighed, shrugging to myself. He'd dragged my ass out
of bed at three in the morning and told me we had somewhere to go, but hadn't explained
shit on the drive. I wasn't sure where I exactly expected him to take me at that hour, but a
trashy strip club sure as fuck hadn't been it.
"Do you own this place or something?" I asked. His footsteps faltered and he turned his
head to give me an irritated look, my question obviously rubbing him the wrong way.
"You clearly don't know me very well Edward if you believe I would ever personally have
anything to do with a place like this," he responded. "The owner pays the Borgata a fee
every month and we allow them to run their business in our territory. Most of the
businesses around here do so, in fact."
"Blackmail and extortion," I muttered. "Nice."
He laughed dryly, shaking his head. "It's for protection purposes. No one messes with them
because they pay their dues, and in exchange we occasionally utilize its facilities when
necessary. It's a fair trade."
"Whatever you say," I said. "What would you ever want with this shithole, though?" "You'll
see."
He opened the front door, the music so loud that my ears started ringing immediately, and
motioned for me to enter. I stepped inside and scrunched my nose at the stench, glancing
around. It smelled like sweat and liquor with cigarette smoke lingering in the air in a thick
haze, the air completely stifling. I coughed as I inhaled, looking up at the stage where a few
women danced around poles. They wore nothing but thongs and platform shoes, the
makeup on their faces way too fucking heavy and the body glitter nearly blinding. They
were the fucking definition of trashy and weren't even pretty to begin with, their bodies not
toned enough and their breasts not even perky. It was nothing I'd ever pay to fucking see—
not like I'd ever pay to begin with, but still. They looked like they'd taken one too many hits
of the crack pipe, but the men shoving dollar bills at them looked no better. No respectable
human being would step foot in the motherfucker and I realized right away that was likely
the point.
"Stop looking," Alec said, brushing past me as he headed for the back. "I said we're here for
business, not pleasure."
"Funny," I muttered, turning to follow him. "If you think I'd ever have anything personally
to do with bitches like that, then you clearly don't know me."
"Touché," he responded, heading into a back room. He opened a cellar door inside and
immediately started down the stairs, but I hesitated at the top when I heard a female's
scream. My heart nearly stalled at the sound as Alec groaned in annoyance. "Shut her up!"
She screamed again but the sound was silenced right away, and I slowly started down the
steps, not wanting to piss Alec off by lingering behind. I looked around cautiously as the
room came into view, shock and fear hitting me at the sight. I tried to push it back and
retain my cool, unsure of what the fuck was going on. There were two people in chairs in
the center of the room, a young girl and an older man. They both had duct tape covering
their mouths and blindfolds over their eyes, rope securing them tightly to the seats. Besides
Alec there were two others in the room, guys I knew to be Mafiosi. They stood off to the
back, watching from the sidelines just as I was, making it clear who was fucking in charge.
"Edward, do you know the history between the Italian and Irish in Chicago?" Alec asked,
glancing at me and raising his eyebrows curiously. I nodded hesitantly, clearing my throat
as I tried to push back my nerves.
"They hate each other," I said.
"True, but it's more than that," Alec responded. "We've clashed since before Prohibition,
when the Irish controlled the north-side and we ran the south-side. John Torrio was
building up our empire and transforming how crime ran in Chicago, but the Irish didn't
like it. You see, Torrio was a diplomatic man and believed that just because we were
criminals didn't mean we had to be complete savages, but the Irish apparently disagreed.
Bugs Moran was the underboss of the Irish Mob at the time and he attempted to
assassinate Torrio, but he failed. Moran was the one who started this phenomenon of
drive-by shootings, you know. Instead of being a man and facing your enemy, you attack
from a distance. It's cowardly. Torrio was severely injured in one such assassination
attempt, which made him hand over control of the organization to Al Capone. Capone
continued what Torrio had started, but Capone wasn't quite as refined. He wasn't above
equal justice."
"An eye for an eye," I muttered.
"Yes. Moran attempted to kill Capone a few times but failed. It got to the point where a
peace conference was called, where Capone said that the Irish was making a shooting
gallery out of a great business, and that he believed Chicago was big enough for all of us. He
said it was like a pie, where every gang should be able to have their fair slice," Alec said,
pausing and eyeing me curiously.
"Makes sense," I said, so he knew I was listening even though I had no fucking clue where
he was going with the conversation.
"Makes sense to me, also," he responded. "For a while, after that meeting, the bloodshed
ceased. They still didn't get along, with Moran hijacking Capone's shipments and Capone
burning Moran's businesses, but at least they stopped trying to murder each other. It didn't
last forever, and before long Moran was putting hits on Capone's men and killing his
friends. Capone's patience wore thin, because every time a truce was created Moran would
break it within a matter of hours, and he finally decided that enough was enough.
"Capone sent some men dressed up as police officers into Moran's warehouse, lined up six
of his associates against the wall, and slaughtered them. They called that the Saint
Valentine's Day Massacre, because it happened on February fourteenth. The act shook
Moran, and although the turf war between the men continued the bloodshed stopped for
the most part. It wasn't long after that when Prohibition ended that the Irish Mob
deteriorated and Moran decided to flee Chicago. He resorted to a life of petty crime and did
time in jail for robbery, eventually dying with about a hundred bucks to his name. As for
Capone... well, he was eventually sent to prison, but as you know decades later our
organization still thrives," Alec said. "Anyway, you're probably wondering, why the history
lesson."
"Yes."
"Well, I'd like to introduce you to what's left of the Irish Mob," he said, reaching over and
snatching the blindfold off of the man. He guy blinked rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes to
the light, and glanced in our direction. I could see the anger as he glared at us, but behind
that was fear as he took in the sight of Alec. 'This is Liam O'Banion. For years we've been
dealing with squabbles with the Irish, but we've tried our best to keep the peace. They've
been more pests than anything, occasionally crossing the line and getting in our way, but
nothing unmanageable. After all, everyone should be entitled to their piece of the pie. But
unfortunately, it seems our truce has been broken, by an unlikely person."
He motioned toward one of the guys in the back, who walked over and took the blindfold
off of the girl. She glanced around in a frenzy and froze, fear flashing across her face when
she spotted me. My brow furrowed in confusion as she started panicking, yelling something
into her gag as she shook her head.
"This is Victoria," Alec said. "She's Liam's daughter and apparently was James's girlfriend,
or I suppose she was really just a goomah, considering he kept her a secret. In fact, he kept
her such a secret that none of us would've known about her involvement, had Isabella not
said anything."
"Her?" I asked with disbelief, trying to fight back my anger. "She was in on the
kidnapping?"
"Yes," Alec responded as Victoria desperately started shaking her head and crying out.
"And it left me sort of torn on what to do, because Isabella's stated that Victoria never
physically harmed her, and I don't like having to kill women. But at the same time, I can't
let her involvement go unpunished. What kind of message would that send, allowing the
child of a rival to come into our territory and participate in such an act of treachery against
us? So I thought to myself, what would Al Capone do? And do you know what that answer
was, Edward?"
I hesitated. "An eye for an eye."
"Precisely. So I walked right into his territory and snatched her right out from under his
nose, and have kept her here for two weeks. I expected him to come after her, leaving him
enough clues so he'd know it was me who took her, but he didn't," Alec said, shaking his
head. "He did nothing, carried on as though it didn't matter what happened to her. That
disturbed me on many levels, because she's his responsibility and he completely ignored
her, so what's to say he doesn't do the same with his men? Our foot soldiers are just like
our children—we have to watch them, punish them when they do wrong and reward them
when they accomplish things. I can't tolerate a man having dozens of children running the
streets, committing crimes in his name if he won't be man enough to stand up and
intervene when there's trouble. So, I asked myself again. What would Al Capone do? Do
you know what that is, Edward?"
"He'd, uh... he'd probably say enough was enough."
He grabbed his gun and pulled a silencer out of his pocket, slowly putting it on as he
glanced between the two in the chairs. "Exactly. So you have a decision to make, O'Banion,"
Alec said as he walked over toward Victoria, stopping behind her. She cried out as he
placed the muzzle of the gun against the back of her head, her body trembling from fright.
"You or the girl."
I watched in shock, horrified, and Liam started yelling in a panic but the words were
muffled from the duct tape. Alec motioned for one of the guys to remove it and the moment
he did, Liam started begging for mercy. He swore he'd do anything, he'd agree to anything,
as long as Alec left them alone.
"There's no point in making peace treaties with you anymore when they just keep getting
broken," Alec said coldly. "Make a choice."
Tears were streaming from Victoria's eyes and I started shaking as my knees went weak,
the scene overwhelming. Alec lost his patience after a moment as the man just begged
louder in fear, ordering one of the guys to grab a pair of bolt cutters. "If he can't be a man,
make him less of one," Alec snapped. I tensed up in shock, my stomach churning when it
dawned on me what he meant by that. The two guys went straight for Liam with the bolt
cutters and I turned around, unable to fucking watch as the guy started shrieking.
"Oh Go, Oh God!" he screamed. "No!! Don't!! Fuck, stop!! Please, kill her!! I don't care!!
Leave me alone, kill her!!"
There was another high-pitched, blood curdling scream than took the breath from me, my
vision going blurry right before a gunshot sounded and there was a loud thump. I jumped,
caught off guard, and turned around in confusion when I heard the muffled female cries. I
saw Liam's chair turned over, the blood pooling on the ground around him, and quickly
turned to look at Alec in just enough time to see him pull the trigger again at close range.
The blood splattered as the bang rang out, Victoria's cries dying instantly as the bullet
ripped through the back of her head. I felt the bile rising up instantly but couldn't fight it
back, bending over as I started getting sick. I heard Alec order the two guys to dispose of
the bodies and he grabbed a hold of me, pulling me to my feet and shoving me toward the
stairs.
"Get yourself together," he said sharply as I started staggering up the steps, running my
hand through my hair in a panic when I reached the top. I was trembling and still queasy,
feeling like I was going to pass the fuck out.
"You just fucking killed them," I spat.
"I had no choice," he said. "She was in that warehouse, which means chances are she knows
the girl is a principessa, so I couldn't let her live. And if I killed Liam's daughter, he would
most assuredly retaliate on principle, and if you paid any attention to the story I told you,
you'd know what that retaliation would entail. Besides, a real man would give anything to
spare the life of his child, and Liam wouldn't even give up his balls. He was a disgrace, no
better than Charles Swan. I did the world a favor."
***
"Are you listening to me?" Alec asked sharply, his voice drawing me from my thoughts. I
glanced over at him, seeing the look of impatience on his face, and sighed.
"No," I said, knowing it was pointless to lie because he fucking knew I hadn't been
listening.
"Didn't think so," he stated. "I said a few of the Russians have been hanging out down on
Clark Street, harassing the owner of the pawn shop on the corner."
"Are they there now?"
"Yes. They're playing the video poker machines," he said, his voice dripping with disgust.
Alec hated gambling, I'd learned, even though a lot of his money came from underground
sports betting.
The rest of the short drive was silent, and Alec pulled right up to the curb and got out
without a word. I followed him out and into the store, immediately hearing the ruckus in
the back. They were shouting and laughing, their thick accents echoing through the place
as they banged against the machines. Alec sighed with annoyance and I watched as walked
straight toward the back, taking a direct path toward them. I went around the front and cut
along the side, slipping down an aisle out of view so I could sneak up behind them. They
glanced over and saw Alec coming, but had barely enough time to react before Alec grabbed
the back of a guy's head and slammed it directly into the front of the machine. He cried out
as a loud crunch rang out, blood pouring from his face as his nose shattered. He grabbed it
and staggered as Alec let go of him, reaching stealthily for the man's gun the same time the
second Russian pulled out his own. They aimed at each other simultaneously and I stepped
out of the aisle behind the guy, grabbing my gun and flicking the safety off.
"Drop the fucking gun," I said sharply, pressing the muzzle against the back of his head.
He tensed up when he felt it, his hand shaking slightly as Alec grabbed his own gun from
his coat with his other hand and pointed it also. The Russian hesitated but slowly raised his
hands in the air, taking his finger off of the trigger. I grabbed it from his hand and took a
step back, switching the safety on before slipping it in my pocket.
Alec put the first Russian's gun in his pocket, keeping his own cocked as he stared down the
guy. "You're not welcome here," he said coolly, glancing at the man with the blood rushing
from his face. "If I ever hear of you coming back here, I'll do more than break a nose. Do
you understand?"
"Yes."
"Good. And be sure to tell Vladimir I said hello," Alec said sharply, his cold tone causing
goose bumps to spring up on my skin. Vladimir had apparently been completely cut off
from Stephan's plans, having no knowledge of the kidnapping or attempts at a takeover, so
the organization had allowed him to continue his operation. "Now go."
They hesitated, looking dumbfounded as they stared at Alec, and I groaned. "You heard the
fucking man," I growled, shoving my gun in the guys back. "He said go, so go,
motherfucker."
They shot me angry glares before scurrying from the store and Alec sighed. "You and that
mouth," he said, shaking his head. "The elders didn't believe in foul language, you know.
We're supposed to be men of honor. They believed we should be gentlemen in how we
spoke and always presentable in how we dressed."
"You got a problem with my clothes?" I asked, glancing down at what I was wearing. I had
on jeans and a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, nothing out of the ordinary.
It wasn't like I was dressed like a fucking bum.
"Suits are preferable," he stated.
"Suits are for weddings and funerals," I muttered.
"So I suppose you'll be wearing one on Sunday, then?"
"Probably not," I said, because I honestly hadn't even fucking thought about it. He laughed
and went to comment but his phone rang, stopping him. He pulled it out of his pocket and
glanced at it with confusion, cutting his eyes at me quickly.
"Make him pay up," he said, motioning toward the man working at the register. I nodded
hesitantly as he turned away from me, bringing his phone to his ear to answer it. "Hello? Is
everything alright?"
I knew immediately from the casual greeting that it was a personal call and watched with
confusion as he bolted out the door, because he wasn't the kind of motherfucker to take a
personal call while on business. I shrugged it off, nothing about the day making much
fucking sense, and headed toward the front. The man working eyed me cautiously, knowing
exactly who I was.
"You got money for me?" I asked. He stared at me briefly before biting his bottom lip, the
sight sending a pang of longing through me as it reminded me of Isabella. Not a fucking
day went by that something didn't remind me of her.
"I have some," he said hesitantly.
"How much is some?" I asked curiously.
"Uh, about five hundred?" he stammered nervously, his statement sounding more like a
question. I groaned and rolled my eyes.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I said, stepping around behind the counter where he
stood. He tensed up as I grabbed the baseball bat that I knew he kept there for protection,
raising his hands protectively as he started stammering.
"Okay, maybe I have a thousand," he said quickly, backing up. "Yeah, I have a thousand."
"You know it's twenty-five hundred a pop," I said nonchalantly, stepping out from behind
the counter.
"I know, but I don't have it right now," he stammered. "My kids, they have summer camp,
and my wife, she's pregnant. I can have it for you next week, but I just don't have it all
today."
I walked through the shop as he started fumbling with the safe, pulling out a stack of
hundred-dollar bills and counting them out. His hand shook as he laid them down and I
tried to fight back the guilt that hit me every fucking time I took money from people like
him. They had nothing to do with any of it, were just innocent people caught in the middle
that were trying to make a living, but I knew if it weren't me extorting the fucking cash
from them it would be someone else. Someone less civil, who would demand a whole lot
more, and besides, it was better than the alternate. If I weren't fucking robbing people of
their money and possessions for the Borgata, I'd be robbing them of their lives, and I'd
much rather take the material shit because it could be replaced. And sometimes, when the
guilt got to be too fucking much, I did replace it. More than once I slipped my own money
in an envelope and shoved it in someone's mailbox, just like I knew I'd fucking do the next
morning after I finished what I had to do there, but I couldn't restore life. I understood now
why my father found solace at the hospital healing people, and was fucking thankful I'd yet
to have to kill anyone, because I wasn't sure how the fuck I was going to handle the guilt
when that day came. It would come, though. I was sure of it. It was only a question of
when.
"Not good enough," I said coldly, taking the baseball bat and swinging it with as much force
as I could. It slammed into the glass display in front of me, shattering it and sending shards
flying everywhere. I moved quickly and started swinging again, shattering two more beside
it before turning back to the guy. I threw the baseball bat back behind the counter, nearly
fucking hitting him with it, and grabbed the cash. "I'll be back for the rest next week. You
better have it."
I walked out, unable to even fucking look at him, and pulled open the passenger door of
Alec's car. I climbed inside and saw he was still on the phone, a serious expression on his
face as he listened to whoever was on the line.
"No, I'm coming. I'll be there in the morning," he said as he started the car up, pulling away
from the curb right away. "Yes, I'm sure. I'm glad you called. I'll notify you when I land."
He sighed exasperatedly as he ended the call, glancing at me. "How much did you get?"
"A thousand." "Is that it?"
"That's all he had," I said, shrugging. He shook his head and reached over, taking the cash
from me. He counted it out, barely paying attention to the road as he sped through the city.
My curiosity got the best of me after a second as I watched him curiously. "Are you taking a
trip or something?"
"Or something," he responded, tossing one of the hundred dollar bills at me and folding the
rest up, shoving it into the center console. "You're too soft. He would've given you more."
"I smashed up some of his displays, lost my temper," I said, lying because I'd done that shit
on purpose but he wouldn't fucking understand. "I figured I cost him more in damages
than he owed, so I'd give him another week."
"That's fair enough," he responded as he pulled back into the parking lot of the club on Elm
Street. "You still need to learn to control your temper. That's twice in one evening you've
lost it."
"I'm working on it," I said, eyeing him suspiciously. He seemed anxious for some reason,
his eyes darting toward the clock on the dashboard. "Where are you going?"
"Somewhere I'm needed," he said simply, evading answering. "Where doesn't matter. I
have to leave right now if I hope to be back in time for the wedding, so you need to get out."
"Whatever," I muttered, climbing out of the car and slamming the door. I watched as he hit
the gas and sped off, his tires squealing. His words played through my mind, an odd feeling
coursing through me. Where doesn't matter... the same thing he'd said when I asked where
she was.
My head was starting to pound again, the ache in my chest intensifying and a sinking
feeling hit my stomach as I watched his car disappear from sight.
"Isabella."
Chapter 76 Discovery
"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your
intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is
yourself." ~Alan Alda
June 20th, 2008
...18 months later...
The loud shrieking echoed through the room and I reached over to the stand beside the
bed, slapping the alarm clock to silence it. I was utterly exhausted, my eyes burning and
body weary, and I was entirely too comfortable wrapped in my blanket to even consider
getting up. A strange soft buzzing noise met my ears but I did my best to block it out, not
caring enough at that moment to investigate what it was. It stopped eventually and silence
overtook the room again, but the moment I was finally able to slip back into
unconsciousness a noise jolted me awake. I jumped, my eyes snapping open as I quickly sat
up.
All went silent abruptly and I wondered if maybe I'd imagined it, the thought that I could
be hallucinating crossing my mind. It wouldn't have been a shock, given how little sleep I'd
gotten the previous week. I lay back down after a moment, telling myself I'd been hearing
things, but as soon as my head hit the pillow I heard a succession of bangs. I groaned,
annoyed, and hauled myself out of bed when I realized it wasn't just my imagination. My
vision blurred when I got to my feet and I stood still for a moment, taking a deep breath to
stabilize myself before starting out of the room for the stairs.
"Isabella!" a familiar high-pitched female voice rang out, the sound muffled by the thick
door she stood behind. "I know you aren't still in bed! Do you see the time? Up, up, up!
Rise and shine!"
I descended the stairs slowly and glanced down toward the front door as she continued to
knock impatiently. I was immediately grateful the doorbell was broken, knowing if it wasn't
that she'd be laying her finger on the button constantly until I appeared because patience
was definitely not her strong suit. "Calm down," I yelled, my voice scratchy. "I'm coming,
geez!"
"You better be," she yelled, pounding a few more times even though it was senseless since
she knew I was on my way. I sighed as I walked toward the door, unlocking it and pulling it
open.
"Here," she said immediately, thrusting a Starbucks cup at me. "It's probably cold now
since you took so long."
I rolled my eyes, knowing she'd just bought it right down the street, and took it as she
walked past me into the house. "Thank you," I said, bringing it to my lips and taking a sip.
The liquid was hot and made my tongue tingle as it burned slightly, but I drank it eagerly
anyway.
"You're welcome," she said, glancing at me with a peculiar look on her face. "From the look
of you, though, you probably need about ten more of them. Or hell, maybe I should've
brought you some Red Bull. Did you get any sleep last night, honey?"
"Some," I said, shrugging as I continued to drink my coffee. It was straight black with no
cream or sugar, just as I preferred it. It was the complete opposite of the one in her hand,
which she ordered every morning like clockwork- venti soy chai latte, four pumps, no foam,
no water, extra hot. I had absolutely no clue what any of that meant. In fact, I had no idea
what most of the things at Starbucks were; Just trying to order a plain cup of coffee was
confusing enough at that place.
"Some," she echoed the word, her expression telling me she didn't believe it. A smile crept
onto her lips after a second, a sinister twinkle in her eye as she gazed at me. "Did you have
company last night?"
"Of course not," I said quickly, looking at her with disbelief. She continued to stare at me
with that suspicious look and I felt the blush rise onto my cheeks from the attention. "You
know I wouldn't do... that"
"Pity," she said jokingly. "You could probably use a good fuck to loosen you up."
"Emily!"
Emily was what most people would consider my best friend, despite the fact that we were
polar opposites in nearly everything. She grew up lavishly and attended the most expensive
private schools, getting the best education that money could buy. She never had to clean,
always having people around to do it for her. I was pretty sure she'd never worn the same
outfit twice in her life, so I assumed she didn't even have use for a washing machine. She'd
had the type of childhood where she asked for a pony and actually got one, and when she
was too old for that pony her father replaced it with a convertible. She loved going to
crowded parties, whereas I preferred staying home, and I lost myself in books to pass the
time but the only reading she ever did was in the form of gossip magazines.
People noticed her, not only because she was tall and tan, with long dark hair that was
always perfect, but because her personality shined. It was impossible to be bored or
depressed when she was around, her chipper attitude and optimism infectious. If Emily's
car broke down and she had to walk two miles in ninety-degree heat to find a payphone
because the battery in her cell phone died, the first thing out of her mouth would be how
she finally got the opportunity to break in her new shoes. There was always a silver lining,
she said, if you were smart enough to look for it. I loved that about her and it was one of the
things that had drawn me to her in the first place.
She reminded me of Alice with her cheery disposition, but it wasn't the only thing about
her that made me think of others. She was like a collection of everyone I had left behind,
that fact both painful and welcoming. She had Emmett's playfulness and was as
compassionate as Jasper. She respected people who were strong enough to stand up for
themselves and was fiercely protective of the people she loved, a lot like Rosalie She was
often looking out for me, which made me think of my mother, and whenever she told a silly
joke for laughs my heart ached at the memory of Jacob. As far as Edward went, well, she
certainly had his vulgarity. All of it was what put me at ease in her presence so quickly, but
at the same time constantly reminded me of the life I couldn't have—the one I had
desperately wanted.
Things had changed drastically since that cold winter morning when I awoke and found the
bed beside me empty, nothing but a note left in the wake of Edward's departure. It still hurt
to think about, a burn in my chest constantly reminding me that a part of my soul had been
torn away. It was a piece that he had taken with him when he left, one I'd realized would
always be wherever he was. I'd come to terms with that the best I could, adjusting and
learning to live with the void I felt, and some days were better than others.
Most days I could think of Edward fondly and smile, remembering things we'd done
together and everything he'd said. There were reminders everywhere, and not a day went
by that something didn't make a memory of him re-surface. He was my first real love, my
only love, and he'd given me more than I'd ever imagined possible and for that I was
grateful.
It wasn't always this way, though. At the beginning there were times when I questioned if
I'd ever smile again, worried the pain I felt would only intensify before finally consuming
me. I was numb when I packed up my belongings in Forks, in shock because part of me
simply couldn't accept that Edward was gone for good. It was surreal and I almost expected
him to walk back in the door, not wanting to believe it was really the end for us.
But when we arrived in Seattle and I watched Jasper lug all of my belongings up to his sixth
floor apartment, the reality of it all finally started to sink in. He set my things in his spare
bedroom and I watched quietly, everything a blur because it was all moving so fast. I
couldn't even step into the room, flashes of memory from the only other time I'd been there
running through my mind. It had been my birthday-the same day Edward had asked me to
marry him.
"Not today, or tomorrow. It doesn't even have to be this year or, fuck, next year either for
that matter," he'd said. "But someday, when you're ready, will you marry me? Promise
me you'll spend your life with me?"
I'd said yes, wanting nothing more than to be with him, and as I recalled the memory my
chest started to burn. I reached up and rubbed the spot absentmindedly, wishing the pain
would subside. It was something I'd find myself doing often as time passed, almost as if I
were physically trying to mend my heart.
I settled in the best I could but it wasn't easy, sleep constantly evading me as I recalled the
night I'd spent with Edward in that bed. He'd held me, whispering how he wished he could
read my mind so he knew what to say to make everything better. If only he could've read
my mind before he left—he would've known how much I needed him. I was falling to
pieces, quietly crying in the darkness as I longed for Edward, and once my exhaustion took
hold of me, nightmares would wreak havoc on my subconscious.
The nights were tortuous but the days weren't much better as I walked around in a stupor. I
couldn't eat, and I could barely function though my exhaustion. I felt like I was drowning,
slowly slipping away as I grasped desperately to the surface, just waiting for something to
pull me back up. I was waiting for him to come back, for him to change his mind and say
he'd made a mistake...for him to come save me, because that was what Edward did. Edward
saved me. He'd once promised me that he'd never give up, that he would find me when I
needed him, and at that moment I needed him more than I'd ever imagined I would.
But Edward never came.
I started losing my grip after two weeks of barely eating anything and sleeping in short
spurts, my thoughts frantic as I grew desperate. I knew I was a mess but I couldn't help it,
the hurt overwhelming and confusing. Every time there was a knock at Jasper's door or the
phone rang a swell of hope ran through me that it was him, but each time I'd end up
crushed when it wasn't. I grew angry and anxious, conjuring up wild scenarios in my mind
of where he was and what he was doing. He'd never stayed gone from me for so long before
and I couldn't understand how he could tolerate it, because if he loved me as he claimed he
had to have been feeling the same pain I felt...didn't he?
I spent my days huddled in the corner of the room, my knees pulled up to my chest with my
arms wrapped around them as I rocked in the darkness, trying to calm down.
Everything was blurring together and I started imagining things that weren't there,
whispered voices in the night calling out to me. I heard noises in the apartment, footsteps
outside my door and loud bangs that sent my heart racing so wildly I thought it would
explode. I'd scream out at night and Jasper would come running, trying to comfort me and
tell me everything was okay, but I was too distraught to believe him. It got to the point
where it felt like someone was always there, lurking around the corner and watching me. I
could hear them whispering and moving around the apartment but they were always out of
sight, never within my reach. He was haunting me, his memory lingering everywhere I
looked while his absence taunted me.
It all came to a head in the middle of January, my devastation reaching its peak as I finally
hit rock bottom.
***
January 19th, 2007
I sat up abruptly in bed and looked around in confusion, my heart pounding erratically.
The room was pitch-black and I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the darkness. My
eyes stung as if tiny grains of sand were embedded inside, and I rubbed them but that only
seemed to make it worse. Colored splotches sprung up in my line of sight as my vision
blurred, everything appearing distorted and hazy.
There was a storm brewing outside and I could hear the rain splattering against the
building as the wind whistled loudly. The noises echoed through the room, the sounds
magnified in my ears as my head pounded fiercely. The tiny hairs on my arm stood up as a
prickly sensation danced across my skin, almost like there was an electrical charge in the
air, and I suddenly felt as if I were being watched. I glanced toward the door as a loud
thump rang out in the living room, causing my panic to flare.
"Jasper?" I called out, my voice gritty and cracking. I swallowed, trying to get a grip, and
pulled the comforter off of me. My legs shook as I stood and I tiptoed quietly toward the
door, pressing my ear against the crack to listen for sounds. I jumped when a gust of wind
whipped by loudly, violently rattling the window, and turned to look instinctively.
Confusion rocked me as my eyes fell upon the glass and in the blurry reflection I caught a
glimpse of a set of eyes. Not just any eyes but eyes I was familiar with, ones that had
beckoned to me since the first time I ever looked into them.
"Edward," I whispered, the pain in my chest intensifying at the sound of his name. Tears
formed and I blinked, trying to force them back, but when I reopened my eyes the image
was gone. In its place was my own reflection and I glanced around frantically, desperate to
have him back. "Edward!"
Another strong gust of wind hit and the tears slipped past as the sound of his voice came
with it, my name whispered breathily around me. It seemed so real that a chill shot down
my spine as the electricity in the air increased. I turned quickly and flung the bedroom door
open, gasping as shadows swept across the living room. I heard the click of the front door
shutting and panicked, looking up to see the chain lock was dangling, still moving from
having been disturbed. The moment I saw the deadbolt was unlocked I knew it, could feel it
on my skin.
He had been there, somewhere, maybe not in body but definitely in spirit. I couldn't see
him but I could sense him and I knew he desperately needed me, yearned for me where he
was. He couldn't live without me, just as I couldn't live without him. He was a part of me
and always would be, no matter what, and I knew in that moment that he'd realized it as
well.
I ran back in the bedroom and slipped on some shoes, grabbing my things in a frenzy
before heading for the door. I swung it open and ran down the hallway, pushing open the
door for the stairwell and descending the six flights as fast as I could, in too much of a
hurry to wait for the elevator. I nearly tripped when I reached the second floor but I caught
myself, pausing and tensing up when I heard footsteps on the stairs in front of me. A
moment later they stopped and the outside door was pushed open, a crack of thunder
echoing through the building as whoever it was disappeared out into the storm.
I continued down and the rain pelted me the moment I stepped outside, the water
startlingly cold against my skin. I glanced around, seeing a few people walking with
umbrellas but no one recognizable, and stepped off the curb to dart across the street when
a yellow taxi cab pulled up in front of me. A man climbed out from the back seat and was
about to shut the door when he caught sight of me, his brow furrowing in confusion as I
stood frozen beside the vehicle.
"You need the taxi, lady?" he asked, holding the door open for me. I stared at him for a
moment, debating his question. I had no idea what I was doing, my confusion deepening as
I took in his concerned expression. "Hello? Are you alright?"
"Uh, yes," I said quickly, not really sure myself if it were the truth or not. I brushed by him,
mumbling thanks as I slid into the backseat. My heart was pounding rapidly and I fought
back the sickness that was building in the pit of my stomach as the guy slammed the door
shut.
"Where to?" the man behind the wheel asked, looking in the rear-view mirror at me.
"Chicago." The word rolled from my lips before it even processed in my mind what I was
saying.
"So... airport?" he asked hesitantly, giving me a strange look. I nodded, not even
considering what that meant, and he pulled the taxi back onto the road. The rain pelted the
car, wind gusting and thunder cracking, making me jump every so often. I was zoned out
and couldn't seem to focus on anything, slipping further into a trance. Nothing was making
sense and I was too exhausted to stop and think about what I was doing, acting on impulse
out of desperation. I needed Edward and he needed me, and that was all that seemed to
matter at that moment.
When we arrived I dug in my pocket to pull out some cash that I had grabbed and handed it
to the driver, not even taking the time to count it first. I got out and walked inside, my
panic escalating at the vastness of the building. There were people everywhere despite it
being nighttime, and I didn't have the slightest clue where to even start in an airport. I tried
to recall the only other time I'd ever been in one, on the trip from Phoenix to Washington
that very first day, but my mind was foggy and I couldn't seem to recall what Dr. Cullen had
done.
My body shook as I wandered around, so many strangers in one place distracting and
utterly frightening. I was second-guessing my decision as I walked around, growing dizzier
as people bumped into me. I mingled through the crowd and tried to ask for directions to
the ticket counter, but everyone ignored me and kept on walking. I started hyperventilating
eventually, my vision blurring even more as a strange man approached. His stance was
intimidating and I tried to back away from him but he ordered me to stop, the alarm in his
voice sending me over the edge. I turned at once to run but before I could take a step
blackness surrounded me, and I faintly heard my own voice crying out before it all
disappeared.
"Isabella Swan?" an unfamiliar voice said. I forced my eyes open and blinked a few times,
trying to make out the face of the man that stood in front of me. He seemed to be fairly
young, with blond hair and warm blue eyes that put my nerves at ease some as they met
mine. "You're okay, ma'am. You just fainted."
I gave him a surprised look as I sat up, my vision hazy from the movement. I averted my
eyes from his, confused, and tensed up when I spotted the police badge pinned against his
chest. My heart pounded furiously, my breathing accelerating from fear as I tried to recall
what I possibly could've done wrong. "Am I under arrest? What did I do?"
"Calm down, Isabella. You aren't in trouble," he said gently, grasping my shoulder. I
flinched from the contact and he pulled away from me quickly.
"How did you know my name?" I asked. He smiled, holding up a small card that I realized
was my driver's license.
"Found this in your pocket along with a cell phone," he responded. "A man by the name of
Jasper called while you were out and I answered it. He seemed concerned about you so I
explained the situation. He should be here soon."
"Oh," I said simply, unsure of what else to say. I immediately worried about how Jasper
was going to react, feeling guilty at the realization of what I'd done. A woman approached
from behind him and handed me a bottle of water, reaching for my arm and indicating she
needed to take my pulse. She also had a uniform on and I gazed at the patch on her shirt,
seeing she was a paramedic. She started asking me questions about myself and my health
and I vaguely answered them, not comfortable with the subject.
Jasper arrived a minute later, rushing into the room in a panic. His attention remained
focused on me as the officer started asking him questions and expressing concern for my
state of mind. I could see the worry in Jasper's eyes so I averted my gaze, embarrassed.
Jasper assured the officer that I was fine, explaining that I was suffering from insomnia
and had endured some trauma so my confusion was normal. I knew right away that he
didn't believe his own words, knowing there was nothing normal about the way I was
acting. I felt ridiculous as I listened to them talk about me, the fact that I was chasing a
ghost through the city and endangering the people who had fought to keep me safe making
tears form from shame. I was snapping, losing touch with reality in the midst of my grief.
The officer begrudgingly allowed us to leave and I quietly thanked them for their help, not
saying another word as Jasper drove us back to his apartment. We rode up to the sixth
floor on the elevator and I wrapped my arms around myself as I tried to stop my trembling,
doing my best to ignore the worried looks Jasper kept casting at me.
"You scared me," he said as we stepped out onto the floor, heading toward the apartment.
"I saw the door was wide open and you were gone. You can't even imagine the scenarios
that ran through my mind. I thought you'd been kidnapped again."
"I'm sorry," I said, the words barely audible.
"I know you are," he responded quietly. "I'm not mad but you really worried me. What were
you thinking? Where were you going?"
"I, uh," I started as the tears came, one slipping down my cheek. "I don't know. I woke up
and I thought... I mean, I just wanted... Edward."
I whispered his name as my tears flowed, sensing Jasper's gaze on me as I wiped them
away. "Edward," he muttered. "That's why you went to the airport? You wanted to go to
Edward?"
I nodded, seeing the genuine curiosity in his expression, and he sighed exasperatedly as
turned to unlock the apartment door. He motioned for me to enter and I stepped by him,
heading straight for the bedroom when his voice rang out again. "Don't you even want to
try, Isabella?"
I stopped in the doorway and glanced at him. "What?"
"You can do anything at this point-get your own house, go to school, meet people, make
friends. You can do it all. You could get a job if you wanted one. I don't see why you would
since you don't need to work, but the point is that you could. But you don't even want to
try? You just want to give up already?"
"I don't want to give up," I said, shaking my head. "I just... I miss him, Jasper. I love him."
"I know you do," he said softly. "And he loves you. That's why he did this, you know. He
wanted you to be away from all of that so you'd have a chance to do all of those things. He
thought you deserved it because he believes in you. Don't you think it's at least worth a
shot?"
I stared at him as I thought through his words, trying to clear the fogginess that still
seemed to settle around everything. He stared back, awaiting some sort of response from
me, but before I could come up with one his phone rang. He looked away to grab it and as
soon as our eye contact was broken I slipped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind
me.
I wasn't sure how much time passed as I lay in bed wrapped up in my blanket. I dozed off
more than once, but each time I was startled back awake from noises in the apartment. I
heard Jasper's raised voice at one point, his tone startlingly serious.
"She just walked out and left the door wide open," he said. "In her pajamas! It's like twenty-
eight degrees out and storming and she didn't even wear a coat. I guess she took a taxi to
the airport, thank God she could pay for it, but I don't know what in the hell she planned to
do when she got there. She said she was going to Edward but she had like ten dollars in her
pocket. She couldn't buy a damn plane ticket for ten dollars! I don't even think she could
get a taxi back home for that much! They said she was just standing there in the middle of
the place shaking, soaking wet with no luggage, so of course she looked suspicious. And
then she tried to run from security. What was she thinking?"
"She wasn't thinking," another voice rang out firmly, one I recognized immediately as
belonging to Dr. Cullen. I wasn't sure when he'd gotten there, but at some point Jasper
must have called him. "They're called breakdowns for a reason. She's breaking down, son,
and suffering from Adjustment Disorder because all of this is so foreign to her. She lost the
only person she ever allowed herself to willingly depend on, the only person she'd ever
been vulnerable for. She's afraid, Jasper. She needs guidance, she needs support and she
needs someone to help her cope with everything. Maybe I should take her back to Forks
with me for a while."
"You think that would help her?" Jasper asked. "Being back in that house where she spent
the past year with him? How do you think she'd react to seeing all of his stuff gone, his
room cleaned out and the piano missing? And to be there alone with you, after what you
did to her? No way. No offense, Dad, but I think that's the last thing she needs right now. I
already accused her of giving up - if I asked her to go back to Forks it would look like I was
giving up, too."
"Fair enough, but she can't continue on as she is now or there will be dire consequences.
She's been on her own for only two weeks now and I've already had to call Alec and tell him
she had a run-in with the police," Dr. Cullen said.
"I didn't even think about that..."
"I'm guessing she didn't, either," Dr. Cullen responded. "But she needs to start. I told Alec
I'd make sure there were no repercussions from the incident, but he was not happy, to say
the least."
"Did you tell Edward?"

I closed my eyes, tears starting to fall at the turn in conversation. Dr. Cullen had been
right—I hadn't been thinking. Alec had warned me that even looking suspicious was as
good as being guilty in his world, but I'd totally disregarded the warning out of desperation.
"No, I saw no point. He has enough to deal with in his own life-he doesn't need to add her
issues to it. Alec believes they both need a wake-up call, though, so he may tell him. I'm
really not sure," Dr. Cullen said, his words causing me to feel even more guilty than I
already did. "I told him I'd deal with Isabella so he didn't have to fly out here, because I'm
pretty sure enduring Alec's wrath right now would only traumatize her further, but I'd
venture to guess Edward is being introduced to another side of his uncle right now."
"And what about Isabella?" Jasper asked. "I promised Edward I'd do whatever it took, but
I'm at a loss of what to do at this point. I've been trying to give her space so she could deal
with it but that seems to be backfiring. I can't exactly move her into her own place if she's
in this condition, you know? I really don't know what he expects."
"I'll take care of it."
Silence overtook the living room and there was a soft knock on my door before it was
pushed open, light filtering in. I stayed wrapped up in my blanket, not even turning to look
as he entered because I knew it was Dr. Cullen. The mattress shifted after a second as he
sat down on the edge of the bed behind me, his close proximity making my heart pound. I
didn't acknowledge him and he didn't speak at first, instead letting out a frustrated sigh
that echoed through the still room.
"What you did tonight was dangerous, Isabella," he started finally, his voice soft. I
continued to lie still but based on his tone, I could tell he knew I was awake. "So many
things could have gone wrong. They could've even detained you for your behavior and then
we would've had a very serious issue on our hands. I understand why you did it, and you
have the right to go where you want to go, but this just really wasn't smart."
He paused, sighing once more with aggravation. "Do you remember the day I took you to
the hospital with me?" he asked. "We sat in my office and discussed your relationship with
Edward. I told you that day that he was naive and impulsive..."
"Irrational and volatile," I whispered, but my voice was loud enough that his own words
faltered.
"Yes, irrational and volatile," he said. "Edward's always done things without thinking, and I
worried that he would do the same when it came to your relationship. I was afraid he'd run
with you or involve you in things that you needed to be kept far away from. I was sure he'd
do it, honestly, because that was just how my son always was, but I was wrong. He didn't do
that this time, Isabella. For probably the first time in Edward's life, he actually considered
the consequences before he acted. I know it hurts that he's gone, but he put a lot of thought
into this. It wasn't just something he did on a whim.
He wants this for you. We all do, in fact.
"I've lost a lot, you know. I lost my wife, but before that I lost my life. I explained that to
you in my office that day. I told you I gave my life away by initiating, and that my choices
weren't my own anymore because the organization dictated what I did. I meant that, and I
hate to admit it, but that's also the world Edward belongs to now. They tell him where to go
and what to do, and if he doesn't...well... you know as well as anyone what happens when
people disregard orders. He's adapting to it, but it's not easy for him. It's going to take him
a while to get used to his new life, but he eventually will. He'll learn to accept it, but he
doesn't want you to be subjected to that anymore, Isabella," he said, pausing. "I agree with
him and honestly believe Chicago is the last place you should be, but if you decide you
really want to be in that world, I'll do whatever I can to help you."
The moment he spoke those words I rolled over and looked at him with shock. "You'd help
me?" I asked hesitantly, wondering if I'd misheard him.
"Yes," he responded, his expression serious. "But not today. Not when you're like this.
Edward needs time on his own to figure out what he's doing and, quite frankly, so do you.
He did this to give you a chance, because that was what he wanted, and I think that should
be respected. Don't you?"
I stared at him, unsure of how to answer. "Uh... yes," I said, having never thought of it that
way.
"After you've actually given life a chance, if you still want to go to Chicago, I'll make sure
you get there. I can't make you any promises of what will happen because Edward can do
what he chooses in his personal life, but I'll help you, even if it's the last thing I do. But I
won't do it now, because neither of you are ready. Before you can choose to be with
Edward, you have to know what it is you're giving up. You need to realize that you don't
need him, Isabella. It may feel like it now, but you don't, and you have to see that or all of
this will have been for nothing.
"It won't be easy and if you can't find it in you to do it for yourself right now, at least do it
for Edward. Make him proud. Show everyone that he was right about you, that everything
he put on the line was worth it, because you're the strong woman he believes you are. Prove
your father wrong when he threw you aside, Isabella, and prove Edward right, because he
needs it. He doesn't have much left at this point, and I hate to say that, but it's true. If
you've ever wanted to give Edward something, to repay him for everything he's given you,
this would be it. Give this to him."
"Okay," I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes.
"Good. I don't know how you feel about it, but I'd like to put you on some medications for a
while, just to help you get through this. You have every right to refuse them, but it would
make me feel better if you gave them a try. When things start getting easier we can wean
you off of all of it, but you're going to have to start eating and sleeping because we can't
have a repeat of tonight happening ever again. Do you understand?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Alright, then. Get some sleep and I'll be back tomorrow," he said, standing up and heading
toward the door. I rolled back over and glanced at the clock, seeing it was already after one
in the morning. I closed my eyes, even more exhausted than I had been, and before I
slipped into unconsciousness I heard Dr. Cullen's voice again in the living room.
***
"That's what he expected, son."
"Isabella!"
I glanced at my friend quickly, seeing the look of confusion on her face. "Huh?"
"Haven't you been listening to me? Jesus, girl, get yourself together. We have a long day
ahead of us. You can't space out on me," she said, shaking her head. "Where's your phone
at? I tried calling you on my way here but you didn't answer."
"Really?" I asked with surprise, not able to recall hearing the phone ring. "It's upstairs, I
think."
"Yes, really. Go find it and see. And get dressed while you're up there. There's no way I'm
going anywhere with you looking like that," she said, scrunching up her nose as she
surveyed me. I rolled my eyes, turning for the steps.
"Always so bossy," I said as I began the climb upstairs.
"One of the many reasons you love me," she hollered. I laughed and shook my head, taking
sips of my coffee as I headed toward my bedroom. I glanced around briefly, spotting the
silver phone lying on the end of the bed, and grabbing it to find four missed calls. I saw the
first two were from Emily, the third from the school I attended, and I froze when my eyes
fell upon the fourth. I stared at the name briefly as my heart pounded forcefully, the blood
furiously rushing through my veins.
The Evanson’s.
Time had passed in a blur after the incident at the airport. Jasper was busy with his new
school semester and I felt guilty that he was burdened with my presence on top of it,
knowing it couldn't have been easy for him to have to deal with me. I started venturing
outside of the apartment when I was alone, the fresh air and change of scenery helpful in
clearing my mind. I would walk down the street to a small public park and sit down on one
of the swings, the place usually deserted in the mornings because it was still winter. I
welcomed the temperature, the cold air stinging my cheeks and reminding me that I was
still alive -- that no matter how much it hurt or how much I felt like I was dying inside, the
truth was that I wasn't. I was still breathing, each exhale reaffirming that as I saw the cloud
from my breath lingering in the air around me.
As long as I was still breathing, I was okay.
Dr. Cullen started me on some medications and it wasn't long until they started taking
effect. My anxiety decreased and I felt less overwhelmed, his words from that night
constantly running through my mind. I started getting up in the mornings and getting
dressed, going places and telling myself that Edward would be happy about it if he knew. I
read the letter he'd left me more times than I could count and had the words memorized,
speaking them aloud to myself whenever I started to doubt. Go make us proud, it said. I
believe in you. Show them they can't hold my girl down.
I often imagined he did know, envisioning him watching me as the weeks passed. I did
what I knew would make him proud because it was easier that way, having that to cling to,
but over time things started to shift. Instead of just doing what I thought Edward would
want me to do, I found myself doing what it was / wanted.
Jasper showed me how to mail things and I bought postcards and cards at the store,
sending them to Alice back in Forks and Rosalie and Emmett across the country.
Occasionally I would get something back from one of them, cards and letters telling me
how life was where they were. It was silly, since I often saw Alice on weekends, but she
wrote me the most. I got letters from her every few days, pages full of gossip about the
people in Forks that I'd encountered during my time there. It was exciting and I felt like I
truly belonged, the sensation of seeing something addressed to me in the mailbox
indescribable. It was something most people took for granted but it was a big deal to me,
because it was proof that I had an identity. I was elated the first time I received what Jasper
referred to as junk mail, a flier from a local business about a sale they were having. I wasn't
sure how they got my name and Jasper shrugged it off, telling me to just trash it, but I
refused to. It was the first time I'd been acknowledged as existing, like I was just another
person in the world. I wasn't Isabella Swan, former slave; I was just Isabella Swan,
potential customer.
To me, that was everything.
I spent hours in the local public library, where Jasper helped me to get a membership to
check out books. I read a lot and Jasper taught me how to operate a computer, since I'd
never taken the time to learn in Forks. Using the Internet opened up a wide world of
possibilities, everything imaginable right at my fingertips. I learned to use email, which was
faster and more effective at keeping in contact with everyone, along with texting. I
researched, learning things just for the sake of knowing them, and we even started talking
about getting me my own house and enrolling me in school. I started out small, signing up
for a few workshops at the Pratt Fine Arts Center that lasted a few hours each, and
eventually took some five week long courses at the Gage Academy of Art.
Things started going smoother as I adjusted, but I still had my moments. I missed Edward
immensely, my love for him never wavering as weeks turned into months. I often wrote
him letters but never mailed them, reminding myself of what Dr. Cullen had said about him
needing time, too. Winter faded into spring and I often wondered how he was holding up in
Chicago, but tried not to think about what he might've been doing to pass the time.
No one ever mentioned Edward to me and everyone usually shut down when I asked about
him, giving me some vague response like he was dealing, or he was fine, before quickly
changing the subject. I tolerated it, figuring they were just trying to help me, but not
knowing started wearing on my nerves over time. I was cooking dinner for Jasper and Alice
one Saturday evening at the beginning of May when it finally got to be too much and I
turned to them, a serious expression on my face.
"When's the last time either of you actually spoke to Edward?" I asked curiously. They both
froze and looked at me, before Alice shrugged nonchalantly.
"He's been busy," she said, forcing a smile. "Dinner smells great. What are you making?"
"Alice," I said firmly as she walked toward the stove and started stirring the sauce I had
simmering, trying to avoid my question. "Please don't lie to me or ignore me. You're
supposed to be my friend."
"I am your friend," she said quietly, glancing at me. "Look, I've only talked to him twice
since he left. The last time was at the end of January, he asked me how I did on the SAT's
and how school was, but the minute I asked him about his life he said he had to go and
hung up. He quit taking my calls after that."
I stared at her with shock, not expecting that answer, before turning to Jasper. He was
eyeing me warily, his expression telling me his answer was going to be no better than hers.
"Jasper?
"About a month ago, but we only talked for a minute or so. He said he was busy and would
call me when he had time, but I never heard from him. I still call him every few days, just to
check on him, but he doesn't call back anymore."
"Why?"
"I don't know," he responded. "I guess it's easier for him that way."
"Because of me?" I asked, my chest starting to burn and the lump forming in my throat as I
fought back my emotions. "He stopped talking to you because of me? Because I'm here?"
"Of course not," Alice said. "He still loves you, Isabella."
"Does he?" I asked, unable to hold the tears in. "How can you be so sure? You don't even
talk to him, Alice. Why else would he stop talking to you?"
"Of course he loves you," Jasper said, shaking his head. "You don't just stop loving
someone like that. And it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for what Edward does,
that's ridiculous. Rosalie and Emmett don't hear from him, either. He lives near Esme and
she barely sees him. He just... he's busy."
"So he's all alone?" I asked, stunned. "He completely cut himself off from everyone? No
one hears from him?"
"Not completely," Jasper said. "I mean, Alec still talks to him every day."
"Alec," I muttered, shaking my head as I walked over to the stove. I grabbed the spoon from
Alice and started stirring the sauce, trying to distract myself. I said nothing else as my mind
tried to process the news. I always assumed Edward still had his family to help him work
through whatever it was he was dealing with in Chicago, knowing he'd need someone to
talk to so he didn't completely slip into the darkness. The knowledge that he'd cut off
contact with them was startling to me and my worry increased, knowing there was no way
he was in a good place if he didn't have anyone. I'd pulled Edward to the surface once, but
who was keeping him afloat now?
Those thoughts weighed heavily on my mind for a while as I continued to push forward. In
the months I'd been there I hadn't heard from Alec at all, but I knew he was keeping tabs
on me through others. I'd never had a reason to call him and frankly had no desire to... that
was, until June came and turned everything upside down.
***
June 1st, 2007
I sat on the metal park bench, clutching the white envelope tightly in my hand as I stared
off into space. I'd just gotten out of my last art class and my portfolio lay on the bench
beside me, holding all of the work I'd made over the previous five weeks. Over a dozen
paintings, from portraits to landscapes, from still life to abstracts, each containing a
different part of me. It was surprising how therapeutic and personal painting turned out to
be. Drawing was technical, the lines and details always needing to be perfect to leave me
satisfied, but I could lose myself while painting and putting all of my emotions into it. Each
one had special meaning to me but art was subjective, and I knew others would look at it
and see something completely different. I enjoyed that about art, like each piece of work
held a hidden message that only I had the key to, but it was enlightening listening to others
trying to crack the code.
Out of everything, though, the envelope in my hand was the most personal thing I had with
me. Sealed inside of it was a part of my heart, as I'd spilled my soul onto the lines of the
paper. I glanced at the front of it, my eyes scanning the name scribbled above the address...
Edward Cullen.
I'd written it the night before but instead of tearing it up, as I usually did when I wrote him
letters, I put it in an envelope and actually considered mailing it. Finding the address
wasn't hard, since Jasper had let it slip that Edward was staying in the house they'd grown
up in. Edward had shown it to me when I was in Chicago so I knew the name of the street,
and locating the house number was as simple as a few Internet searches.
I had carried it to class with me and hours later still held it, unsure of whether or not to
actually mail it. I was worried how it would be received, afraid it would only make things
worse for him. I was so deep in thought, debating what to do, that I hadn't heard the
person approaching.
"Beautiful day, huh?"
I jumped, startled, and turned quickly to see a somewhat older gentleman standing off to
the side watching me. He was dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt, his skin tanned and
his dark hair starting to gray. He seemed vaguely familiar like I'd seen him around before,
and I immediately wondered if he was someone I should've known, like a neighbor. He
smiled warmly and I smiled back to be polite, nodding. "Yes, it's a nice day."
"The weather here is surprising. I always thought it would be cold in Washington since it's
so far north but the temperature's sort of always moderate. It rains more than I like,
though," he said as he strolled the last few steps in my direction, reaching into his pocket
for a pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out and stuck it between his lips, holding the rest out
toward me. "Want one?"
"Oh, no thanks," I said, shaking my head. "I don't smoke."
"Ah, well then," he said, putting the pack back in his pocket. "Smart girl. It's a bad habit so
don't start."
"I don't intend to," I replied.
"So do you like the rain?" he asked, delving back into the weather right away as he lit his
cigarette. "I guess anyone from here's probably used to it, huh?"
"Uh, I guess," I mumbled. "I'm really not from here so I'm still learning to deal with it."
"Yeah? Where are you from?" he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. "You have a bit of
an accent I can't place. Southern, maybe?"
"Yes, it's south. Phoenix," I responded.
"So you're used to the dry heat," he said, nodding. "I've been to Arizona a few times. Nice
place. So what brings you to Washington?"
"Change of scenery," I said, shrugging nonchalantly. I wasn't entirely sure how to answer
that question, considering I hadn't had a choice in relocating. He talked about the weather
a bit more as I continued to clutch on to the envelope in my hand, trying to be polite and
listen to him. It wasn't easy, though, as his presence was putting me on edge.
"You got a love letter there?" he asked playfully after a while, sensing my distraction. I
shrugged, feeling the blush rise into my cheeks at the question.
"It's for an old friend," I said. He smiled, a knowing twinkle in his eye as he gazed at me.
"I'll take that as a yes. There's a mailbox right over there, you know," he said, motioning
toward a blue drop box a few feet away at the edge of the park. "I can drop it in for you real
quick, if you'd like."
I debated his offer for a second before hesitantly shaking my head. "No, thanks," I said. "I
haven't decided if I should actually send it yet or not."
"Ah, understandable. Make sure he's worth it if you do mail it, though. A nice girl like you
shouldn't settle for less than the best," he said, winking. "So are you an artist?"
I looked at him with surprise, wondering why he'd ask that, and realized he was eyeing my
portfolio. I immediately felt guilty that I was taking up the whole bench, wondering if I
should've been polite and offered him a seat. "I'm taking some classes but I don't know if
you'd call me an artist," I mumbled, picking up my portfolio nervously.
"Oh I'm sure you're wonderful," he replied, dropping his cigarette to the ground and
stomping on it. He held his hand out, smiling. "You mind if I take a look?"
I hesitated before holding it out to him, watching anxiously as he took it and started
thumbing through the paintings. He pulled one out and held it up, handing the rest of them
back to me. "See, this right here, this makes you an artist," he said admiring the painting. I
smiled at the compliment and saw it was an abstract one, mainly consisting of deep reds
and oranges and yellows. There were splotches of blue and green blending in and a black
form in the middle.
"What does it look like to you?" I asked curiously. He shrugged, continuing to stare at it.
"Looks to me like there's a black hole that everything is being sucked into, all the warmth
and happiness disappearing from life because of it," he responded. He glanced at me, his
expression curious, and I smiled at his answer because I knew he was looking for some sort
of confirmation of his theory. I never contradicted people when they gave their opinions,
even though he was wrong. The warm colors represented my life in Phoenix and the cool
colors were starting to overtake them, my new life bursting forth and washing the past
away. The black form was me, because back then that was all I had been. Nameless,
faceless. Back then, I was a nobody.
"I'm glad you like it," I said as I took it from him, slipping it back in the portfolio.
"A person would have to be blind not to. You obviously have talent," he said, his voice
genuinely kind. He started patting at his pockets, glancing around. "Say, you wouldn't
happen to have a cell phone I could borrow for a moment, would you? I forgot mine at the
house and I don't know where there's a payphone around here."
"Uh, sure," I said, reaching for my phone. Jasper was always letting people borrow his so I
didn't see the harm in it. I held it out to him and he took it, flipping it open with a smile. He
walked a few feet away for privacy as he pushed buttons, bringing it to his ear and waiting.
I sighed and grabbed my bottle of water out of my school bag, looking around the park as I
downed the rest of it. The water was warm and tasted stale from having been carried
around all day, but I was thirsty so it didn't faze me. I glanced back over at the man and
saw he was heading back in my direction, holding the phone out to me.
"Thanks," he responded as I started to slip the empty bottle back in my bag. He extended
his hand as he saw it, smiling warmly. "Here, I'll throw that away for you. It's the least I can
do, since you let me use your phone."
"Thank you," I said, grateful for the gesture. I handed the bottle to him and his smile grew.
"Don't mention it. I'm Joe, by the way. I didn't introduce myself earlier."
"Uh, I'm..." I started, but before I could get my name out a sharp voice rang out behind me,
sending a cold chill down my spine.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
I turned quickly, my heart pounding from fright, and saw Dr. Cullen standing a few feet
away from us. Confused, I started stammering, unsure of what he was doing there or what I
did wrong, but slowly realized he wasn't even looking at me. His eyes were focused on the
man who had just introduced himself as Joe, his expression one of intense anger.
"Ah, Carlisle, nice to see you," Joe said casually, the fact that they were acquainted
shocking me. "What brings you to Seattle today?"
"I could ask you the very same thing," Dr. Cullen said pointedly, walking toward us. "And
I've told you before, I prefer to be addressed as doctor. Only my friends and family call me
Carlisle, and you are neither."
"True," Joe said. "I apologize, Dr. Cullen. It must've slipped my mind."
"That's not the only thing you seem to have forgotten," Dr. Cullen said, his eyes darting
toward me. "I thought I made it clear that you were to stay far away from my family."
"Family?" the man said, glancing at me with an amused smirk. "That's an interesting choice
of word."
"You know very well she's considered a part of my family and I won't tolerate you
victimizing her," Dr. Cullen said sharply.
"Me victimizing her?" Joe said, laughing. "That's sort of ironic, given the situation. Don't
you think?"
"You have no business with her," Dr. Cullen said, ignoring the question.
"Oh but you're wrong, I do have business with her and you know exactly what it is," he
responded.
"You don't need her," Dr. Cullen said. "You know damn well we agreed she would be left
alone."
"I'm well aware of our agreement, Dr. Cullen, but you couldn't seriously believe I would
just take you at your word, did you?" Joe asked. "I'll leave her alone if you don't force my
hand but I need something to fall back on. A security deposit of sorts."
"She isn't it," Dr. Cullen said angrily, his eyes darkening with rage. He turned to look at me
and I tensed up, their exchange confusing me. "Did he tell you who he was?"
"Uh, he said his name was Joe," I mumbled. "That's it."
"Joe?" Dr. Cullen said with surprise, glancing at the man. "Why Agent DiFronzo, were you
trying to deceive the girl?"
"Agent?" I blurted out, the word catching me off guard. The man stood frozen in spot while
Dr. Cullen nodded.
"Special Agent Joseph DiFronzo with the U.S. Justice Department," Dr. Cullen said.
"He's a cop?" I asked, eyeing him with shock. My heart was pounding furiously as I tried to
think through our exchange, hoping I hadn't said anything incriminating.
"He's not just a cop," Dr. Cullen responded. "He's the federal agent that's overseeing my
case."
"I, uh... I swear I didn't know, Dr. Cullen," I stammered. He held his hand up to stop me,
shaking his head.
"I know you didn't, dolcezza. Don't worry about it. He has no legal grounds to speak to you
and he knows it. He has proof of nothing," he responded.
"You're wrong," the man said. "I have the proof; I just can't use it without the girl."
"You won't get the girl," Dr. Cullen said sharply.
"We'll see."
Dr. Cullen glanced at me, his expression serious. "Did he take anything from you or give
you anything?"
"Uh... he borrowed my phone," I mumbled nervously. Dr. Cullen sighed with annoyance
walking over to me and holding his hand out.
"Give it to me," he said firmly. I grabbed the phone and handed it to him, watching as he
opened the back and pulled out the battery. He shot the man an angry look, startling me as
he pulled a small black chip out of it. He threw it on the ground and stomped on it, shaking
his head as he reassembled the phone. "He has your number now so it needs to be changed.
I also wouldn't be surprised if he's intercepting all of your correspondence. Is that it?"
"Yes," I said, stunned. "Well, I mean, he offered to throw my bottle away for me..."
"Give it back to her," Dr. Cullen said, glaring at the man. "I'll call my attorney if I have to."
The man glared back before holding the bottle out to me. I took it carefully, unsure of what
the big deal was since it was just trash. "If you want her DNA, Agent DiFronzo, get a
warrant for it. Don't try to trick it out of her," he said sharply before turning to me. "You
should head home. I'll deal with the situation. Please be more careful."
"Yes, sir," I mumbled, jumping up and grabbing my things. I heard the man laugh bitterly
as I started walking away.
"I'll be seeing you, Isabella Swan."
***
I hadn't been entirely sure at the time what the federal agent wanted from me, what the
purpose of getting my DNA or eavesdropping on my conversations was, but it was clear
that it was a serious situation. Alec had been furious, because if it got out that I'd been
speaking to the agent in charge of Dr. Cullen's case, no matter how innocent the
conversation was, he would be the one that had to pay the consequences. I looked like a
traitor, which in turn would make Alec a rat since he'd vouched for me. It was obvious the
man was well aware of what I'd been and where I'd come from, and the night after that
incident when I spotted him standing along the street in front of the apartment building, I
realized he had no intention of giving up and going away.
It was then that I knew I had to do it, for the sake of everyone I cared about. I picked up my
phone that evening after Jasper was asleep and found the number in my address book,
placing the first of what would turn out to be many calls to Alec Evanson.
"Isabella!" Emily's voice carried up the stairs, the sound of it pulling me from my thoughts.
"What?" I hollered, sitting my phone back down as I walked over to my dresser. I pulled
out a pair of shorts and a tank top, dressing quickly before slipping on some flip flops.
"You don't have any damn liquor in this house? What are you, a fucking nun?"
I laughed as I walked into the bathroom, pulling my hair up quickly to get it off of my neck.
I stood there for a moment gazing at my reflection, seeing the dark bags under my eyes and
realizing I looked almost as horrible as I felt.
"Never mind, I found it!" Emily yelled.
I shook my head, because it was entirely too early to be consuming alcohol, and headed
back into the bedroom. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was a few minutes before ten, and
sat down on the edge of the bed as I grabbed my phone again. My hand shook nervously as
I scrolled through my contacts, stopping when I reached Alec's home number. I had his cell
phone number but he requested I only use it for emergencies, preferring I just leave a
message at his house.
It rang a few times and I held my breath as I heard the click. "Hello?"
I breathed a sigh of relief at the soft feminine voice, as speaking to her was a lot easier than
her husband. "Hello, Esme."
"Isabella!" she gasped. I knew my cell phone number was blocked and came up as private
on their caller ID, so she had no way of knowing it was me beforehand. "How are you?"
"I'm okay. How are you?"
"I'm good. I was actually about to head out when I heard the phone. I'm glad you called, it's
been a while."
"I know. I've been... busy," I said hesitantly, feeling guilty.
"No need to make excuses kiddo. I don't need an explanation. I understand you have things
going on. I'm glad you're okay, though. I worry about you."
"I know you do. I promise I'm fine, though," I said. "Is Alec there? He called this morning."
"Did he?" she asked, sounding surprised. "No, he stepped out earlier. Said he had some
things to take care of at the club."
"Oh, okay," I said, realizing he was likely calling about the wedding. "Can you tell him I
called?"
"Sure, sweetheart."
"Thank you," I said quietly. "So, uh... did it come yet? Do you know?" I suddenly felt queasy
and bit my lip, trying to hold it back.
"I don't think so," she responded. "I'm pretty sure I would've heard something if it did."
"Thank you," I said again, my guilt and gratitude overwhelming. "You didn't have to do it,
you know. Does Alec know?"
"Not yet, but he's a smart man," Esme responded. "The moment Edward mentions the
painting I had sent to him for his birthday Alec'll know exactly where it came from.
Actually, if Edward doesn't figure it out eventually I'll be surprised. But then again, in his
condition..."
"Condition?" I asked as she trailed off, not understanding.
"Bad choice of word. I meant given the situation, he's been busy and distracted. You know
how it is."
"Yes," I responded, even though she was still confusing me. Her tone had changed and she
seemed nervous suddenly. "Is everything okay, Esme?"
"Of course, sweetheart," she said. "Anyway, I should get going. I have a lot to do today."
"Okay. It was nice talking to you," I responded. "Urn, are you going to, uh..."
"See Edward," she said, knowing exactly where I was headed with the statement. "I was on
my way over there now, actually."
"Oh. Can you wish him a happy birthday for me?" I asked, my heart thumping wildly. It
was Edward's twentieth birthday, the second one I'd missed, and at that moment I wanted
nothing more than to be with him even though I knew it wasn't possible.
"Of course I can."
I thanked her again and hung up, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill
forth. I had a long day ahead of me and needed to keep myself together.
I grabbed my things and headed back downstairs to find Emily in the living room, staring
at one of the paintings on my wall. "What do you see?" I asked. She jumped, having not
heard me, and turned quickly as she clutched her chest. I saw the straw sticking out of her
Starbucks cup and rolled my eyes, knowing she'd spiked it with alcohol.
"I see a girl who needs to get laid," she said sarcastically as she surveyed me again. "She
also needs some makeup for those bags under her eyes and a pedicure if she's going to be
wearing flip flops."
"That's funny," I responded. "Because I see a girl whose plans for the evening have
suddenly fallen through."
"You wouldn't," she said, narrowing her eyes at me. "I've been looking forward to this day
for weeks!"
"I would," I said, smirking. "But I won't. You're lucky I do love you, even if you are pushy."
"Thank Jesus for that shit," she said, bringing the straw to her lips to take a drink. "Come
on, let's get going before we're late. You're driving... obviously."
"Obviously," I mumbled as she strolled past me out of the house. I grabbed my sunglasses
and locked up, smiling as I stepped outside. It was quite warm, the temperature hovering
over ninety degrees, and the sun was shining brightly with not a cloud in sight. The heat
didn't bother me, since I'd become accustomed to it growing up, and I enjoyed the clear
summer weather. I'd even gotten a tinge of color in my skin, which I'd never thought was
actually possible.
I clicked the button on the key ring to unlock the car and Emily slipped in the passenger
side, yelling for me to hurry up. I eyed the vehicle as I approached it, admiring the shiny
rims and sleek silver body, and immediately thought of Edward. I'd kept his car, despite the
fact that Alec had tried to convince me to dispose of it, because it was a big part of Edward
that I couldn't bear to part with. As silly as it sounded, Edward had loved the car, and every
time I drove it I was reminded of his affection. It was comforting in a sense, and I listened
to everything Alec had told me and followed his instructions, but I'd pushed my discomfort
aside and took a stand when it came to the car.
I climbed into the driver's seat and started the car up, pressing the button for the top to
come down. Emily slouched down in her seat and kicked her feet up on the dashboard,
making me cringe.
"Put your feet down," I said.
"I'm not hurting it."
"Down."
"It's just a car."
"Seriously, do we have to go through this every time? Get your feet off of the dash or get out
and walk. Either way is fine with me," I said. She huffed and dropped her feet, situating
herself in the seat.
"It trips me out me how anal you are about this damn car," she said, shaking her head. "It's
a Volvo, Izzy. The only people who drive Volvo's are republican housewives and soccer
moms. I swear I've never seen one before that didn't have one of those 'my kid is an honor
roll student' bumper stickers on the back of it. I never understood those, anyway. Like,
aren't all kids fucking honor roll students in elementary school? Do they even seriously
grade kids in elementary school now? Don't they say that's, like, killing their self-esteem or
something? We're turning the next generation into pussies, you know. They can't even play
tag at recess anymore, so of course dodgeball is out. It's ridiculous. And I heard on the
news about some first grade boy being suspended from school for kissing a girl on the
cheek. Like, what the fuck? It's not like they were in high school and he was feeling her up
or getting a blow job or something. That I would understand. Half the boys in my high
school were getting head under the bleachers between classes and the teachers just ignored
it. Shit, they were probably getting head from some of the girls themselves, horny old
bastards. Is that how it was in your high school?"
She glanced at me curiously and I nodded, figuring it was best to just go along with what
she said. "You should lay off of the caffeine," I said, hoping to divert her attention. "I don't
think you even took a breath during that rant."
"Funny," she said sarcastically. "Where are your mom jeans? They'd go perfectly with your
Volvo."
I laughed as I pulled the car from the driveway and out onto the street. Emily talked
incessantly during the drive about whatever came to her mind, as she usually did.
Sometimes I wondered if she simply liked to hear herself talk, considering she never
required much input from me in conversations. I preferred it that way, though. The less she
asked, the less I had to lie.
The parking lot was fairly deserted when we arrived and I pulled into the first spot I saw. I
pressed the button for the top to go back up before turning the car off and stepping out.
Gazing at the worn down brick building, I turned my attention to the large faded sign
hanging above the side entrance.
Rainbow Art Studio
Oakland, CA
California. Alec had suggested I leave Seattle after the incident in the park, saying he
would help me set up elsewhere for a while until after Dr. Cullen's trial, but I'd chosen the
place myself. I had been thinking about leaving before he even mentioned it, though, so it
hadn't been that hard of a decision to make. As much as I appreciated everything Jasper
had done for me, I knew I needed to set out on my own. Edward's memory lingered,
reminders of my previous life everywhere I looked, and I knew I needed a fresh start if I
wanted to truly give being free a chance. Being around people who knew what I'd been
made a part of that girl hang on inside of me, and until I let go of that life I'd never be able
to let completely go of that identity.
I left a lot like Edward did, and for that I felt guilty, but I thought it was best given the
situation. I hoped they wouldn't hold it against me, but a part of me always feared they
wouldn't be able to understand. I wrote a note, explaining that I needed some time on my
own, and taped it to the bedroom door in the apartment before setting off for California.
Alec found the house and pulled some strings to get me enrolled in the local art school well
past the deadline, but before I left he laid down some ground rules. He said they were
simply suggestions to help me transition smoothly, but I wasn't ignorant- I knew he
expected his word to be followed. He said the federal agent wouldn't stop looking for me,
hoping he could somehow convince or blackmail me into cooperating, so I needed to take
certain precautions in order to be untraceable. I knew he meant well so I did exactly what it
was he said... except get rid of the car.
"Let's get this over with," Emily said, pulling the lid off of her cup and gulping down the
rest of her drink. She shuddered, whether from the drink itself or the liquor she'd put in it I
wasn't sure, and started toward the entrance. I smiled as I approached the building and
heard the massive chaos inside, the screeching and thunderous footsteps, but Emily
groaned. "Remind me why I do this again."
"You said they were easier to deal with than the artsy-fartsy intellectual types who spoke in
haiku's and took themselves way too serious," I said, recalling her exact statement the day I
had approached her about it.
"That's right," she responded, smirking. "Never trust a man in a beret with a French accent,
Isabella. He's either gay or a con artist. Trust me on this."
I laughed as I shook my head, not even wanting to know the story behind that statement.
She opened the door and I cringed at the loudness as I stepped inside the room. The
moment the door shut behind me a form came right for me and I braced myself, but it was
too late. They slammed right into me and I staggered backwards, losing my balance and
falling as they wrapped their arms around my waist.
"Isabella!" the voice screeched. I smiled at the little girl as she gazed at me adoringly, her
thick dark hair fanning down in her face and partially shielding her view. I moved it out of
her eyes as I stood up, brushing my clothes absentmindedly.
"Hey, sweetheart," I said warmly to the girl whose name was Chelsea.
"They're animals, I swear," Emily muttered. I glanced over and laughed when I saw she had
two little boys clinging to her legs, hindering her ability to walk. "It's a good thing I like the
zoo."
An older lady by the name of Shelly nodded at me briefly, silently telling me they were all
mine, before bolting out of the door in a rush. "Alright, settle down, kids," I yelled. A few
glanced over at me when they heard my voice but most ignored completely, continuing to
run around and yell. Emily sighed exasperatedly, putting her fingers in her mouth and
whistling loudly. The noise echoed through the room, bouncing off of the walls and stilling
everyone immediately.
"In your seats, monsters," she said. They started to oblige and I patted Chelsea's head, who
still had her arms around my waist, and quietly told her to take her seat. She begrudgingly
let go, skipping over to her chair and sliding into it as Emily and I started handing out
supplies.
The Rainbow Art Studio was a small room attached to the local community center, where
Emily and I taught art classes for underprivileged children. Its name was ironic, because
the truth was that there was nothing bright nor colorful about the place. The walls were a
drab tan color and the paint was chipping, the building shabby and falling apart. It had a
leaky roof and the air conditioner was overworked, barely able to keep the room a decent
temperature.
Most of the kids who came to the community center had no families, being wards of the
state in foster care, and the rest came from broken homes where their parents had a history
of drug addictions and criminal activity. Every one of them had been deemed 'at- risk' by
the state of California, in danger of following in the footsteps of the adults in their lives or
even disappearing completely in the system. They were so young and innocent, between the
ages of four and seven, but I knew they were all only one step away from living the life I had
once lived. The little girl who had hugged me, especially... her mother went missing when
she was an infant and her father had tried to sell her for cash to buy drugs.
One of my professors had mentioned it in class one day, looking for someone to teach or
else the program would be shut down. No one volunteered, despite the fact that it was for
credit, because no one wanted to deal with the children for free. I nervously approached the
professor after class that day about it and she was elated, and the next morning I went to
Emily to see if she'd do it with me. She was hesitant... until she learned she could opt-out of
the obligatory summer session in exchange for volunteering.
We spent two hours painting and drawing with the kids, and by the time the class was over
I was worn out. Shelley returned to monitor them as we said goodbye and Chelsea met me
at the door, smiling brightly and holding one of her paintings. "I made you!" she exclaimed.
I laughed and took it, gazing at the distorted stick figure with the abnormally large head
and long brown hair. There was a large red mouth on the face and a big yellow sun in the
sky, the brightness making me smile.
"Beautiful," I said enthusiastically.
"You can keep it."
"Really?" I asked. "How about we keep it here for now and I'll get it tomorrow, okay? It's
really good."
"You think it's good?" she asked, her eyes lighting up. "Can I be an artist like you
someday?"
I smiled. "Absolutely. You can be anything you want to be, you know."
"Thank you!" she said, nearly tackling me with a hug. I hugged her back and told her I'd see
her soon, before walking out to the car where Emily was already waiting.
I drove back to my house and Emily said she had some things to do and she'd talk to me
later that night, climbing into her Mercedes and speeding off down the street. I headed
inside and went straight upstairs, climbing straight into bed for a nap. The moment I
closed my eyes I slipped into unconsciousness and thoughts of Edward came, his image in
my mind so real that it hurt. He was sitting in front of his piano, his fingers lightly grazing
across the keys but he wasn't pressing down on them, no notes being played. He didn't
speak or even look up for a while, nothing but Edward and silence in the darkness.
I reveled in it, my eyes scanning his form and taking in his toned body. He didn't have a
shirt on and I could see the contours of his muscles, the rise and fall of his chest as he
breathed, and the starkness of the dark tattoos against his pale skin. His hair was a mess as
usual, sticking up in every direction imaginable and falling forward to his eyes as he stared
down at the keys. I could see the scar on his side, a reminder of what he'd endured, and I
suddenly longed to touch it.
"Tesoro." I heard the word whispered in his voice, although his position hadn't shifted and
I hadn't seen his mouth move. "Ti amo"
"I love you, too."
"No one else, only you," he whispered. "Sempre." "Sempre."
"You're my life," he said. "I'd die without you." "I'm yours," I responded. "I always have
been." "Forgive me," he whispered. "For?"
"I destroy everything I touch."
"You haven't destroyed me," I responded.
"Yet," he said at once. "But I will... if you let me."
"You won't," I retorted. "You wouldn't hurt me."
"I already have hurt you," he said. "I left you."
"You had no choice."
"We always have a choice," he responded. "They may not be ones we like, but there is
always a choice. That's what life is. We all have free will, Isabella, even if we are not free."
"What other choice did you have?"
"I could have stayed with you, but I probably would've destroyed you," he whispered, the
words barely audible. "Instead, I destroyed myself."
He slowly turned in my direction and lifted his head, my heart pounding furiously as he
looked straight at me. Instead of the bright vibrant green I'd expected to find, there was
nothing but darkness. His eyes were pitched black and lifeless, and I gasped as he clutched
his chest. Over his heart, where the words 'II tempo guarisce tutti i mali' were written in
permanent ink, a small black circle appeared. I watched, horrified, as it started expanding,
taking over the area. His face twisted in pain and I cried out, frightened, as the blackness
started to quickly take over his entire body.
"Edward!" I screamed. "No, Edward!"
"La mia bella ragazza," he said in a strangled whisper, vanishing suddenly into the
darkness.
I sat up abruptly in bed, hyperventilating and struggling for air. My chest burned like it was
on fire and I felt sick, the tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision. I stopped
taking all of the medications after leaving Seattle and cutting off contact with Dr. Cullen,
and the nightmares had returned within a matter of days. It wasn't the first time I'd had the
one of Edward being consumed by blackness but it was one I'd never get used to, one that
haunted me and played on my worst fears.
I glanced over at the clock, blinking rapidly, and gasped when I saw it was already after
seven in the evening. I jumped up and my legs wobbled, but I kept my balance and headed
for the bathroom. I was running late and needed to hurry or there was no way I'd make it
on time.
I showered quickly and dried my hair before grabbing the white dry cleaning bag from the
back of my closet door and putting on the tan colored dress inside of it. I grabbed my shoes
and slid them on, walking into the bathroom to quickly apply a bit of makeup.
I still rarely bothered with it but I was nervous and felt like I should, knowing everyone else
would be wearing it where I was going. I pulled part of my hair back and secured it with a
clip, allowing the rest to fall in subtle waves down my back. A few stray strands hung
around my face and I just pushed them aside, glancing at my reflection briefly.
I was still me, although I seemed older and more mature from time having passed, and I
immediately wondered if Edward had changed at all. I wondered what he was doing, the
dream from earlier weighing heavily on my mind. Was he thinking of me? Did he ever
wonder what became of me? Did he ask anyone?
Sighing, I turned the light off and headed out, knowing I had no time to dwell on questions
I couldn't have answers to. I could ask, of course, and Esme would likely tell me the truth,
but a part of me was afraid to hear it. A lot of time had passed and we'd officially been apart
longer than we'd ever been together. Could he still love me?
The drive into San Francisco felt like it took an eternity, each second putting me further on
edge than before. The parking lot of the Art Gallery near the California College of the Arts
campus was packed, the massive amounts of cars making me nervous, but I fought to
steady myself. I parked and slowly made my way to the building, pausing at the door where
the man stood with a stack of papers in his hand.
"Name?"
"Isabella," I said quickly, before hesitating to take a deep breath. "Isabella Smith"
He glanced at his paper and I bit my lip, still nervous about using the name a year later.
It was one of the things Alec had suggested, garnering a whole new identity for me to live
under while I was in California. He said it was wise to keep Isabella the same, because it
would raise suspicion if I didn't recognize my name being called, and had chosen the most
common last name in the country for me. There were over a hundred Isabella Smith's in
America, so even if they did somehow get a hold of my alias, locating me amongst all of
them would take time. So much time, hopefully, that when they did finally catch up to me it
would be for nothing. It was the main reason I'd cut off all contact with everyone except for
Alec, afraid any type of correspondence would drag others into the situation and eventually
lead Agent DiFronzo straight to me.
"Ah, yes, Ms. Smith," he said, smiling as he motioned for me to enter. "Your guest has
already arrived."
"Thank you," I responded, stepping into the gallery. The lighting was warm and the
atmosphere seemed welcoming, with soft classical music playing from overhead speakers,
but I felt extremely out of place among the people dressed in fancy clothes. They wandered
around, admiring all of the art work on platforms and adorning the walls, quietly chatting
with one another as they sipped champagne.
I slowly walked through the gallery and heard laughter as I made my way to the back, the
sound instantly easing some of my nerves. I saw Emily in the corner, standing beside a man
in a blue suit, the two of them gazing at a familiar painting. Warmth spread through my
body at the sight of it, my heart nearly stalling as I read the small plaque. Artist: Isabella S.
Exhibition at the San Francisco gallery was usually reserved for experienced artists,
graduate students and people on staff, but one of my professors had been so taken by my
work that she submitted some of my paintings. They'd hesitantly approved two of them
after some persuasion, an abstract and a landscape, and sent an invitation for me and a
guest to attend the event. Emily had been ecstatic when I invited her, because she
apparently had a crush on someone from the San Francisco campus that would be there. I
knew nothing about him, but based on her body language and flirty giggle, I ventured to
guess he was the one in the blue suit.
"Isabella!" she exclaimed when she saw me, waving her hand for me to join them. The man
turned and smiled widely, revealing a set of deep dimples and perfect white teeth. He had
tanned skin and black hair, his eyes dark and mysterious.
"Hello," I mumbled.
"Good evening," the man said.
"Isabella, this is Seth Clearwater. Seth, this is my friend, Isabella, that I was telling you
about," Emily said.
"The Isabella?" he asked, glancing at the painting before turning back to me. I nodded and
his smile somehow grew even bigger than before. "You're quite exceptional."
"Thank you," I responded as he held his hand out to me. I took it gingerly and tensed up
when he brought it to his mouth, placing a light kiss on the back of my hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," he said.
"You, too, sir," I said, blushing from embarrassment.
"No need to call me sir," he said, letting go of me. "We're all equals here. Each of us has a
love of the arts and in that world, none of us are superior. So please, just call me Seth."
"Seth is an artist," Emily chimed in. "I've heard he's really magnificent."
"You're kind, but I'm not that good. I surely wasn't good enough to have my work displayed
as a first-year," Seth said with a laugh. My blush deepened as he winked and I tried to come
up with some intelligent response, but before I could someone called my name. I turned
and saw my professor standing down the hall with a group of people in front of what I
quickly realized was my other painting. She waved for me to join them and I excused
myself, walking over apprehensively.
The evening passed in a blur as I wandered through the crowd, occasionally being called to
one of my pieces so people could meet the artist. I listened to countless theories on my
abstract painting, some so far off the mark I had to stifle laughs, and met dozens of other
artists whose work was also on display.
Emily disappeared at some point but I barely noticed amidst the chaos, so many others
taking my attention and keeping me distracted. It was more than I had ever expected,
receiving so much praise over something I'd poured my soul into, and by the time the
evening started winding down I felt like I was floating on air.
I was standing in front my abstract painting where I'd seen Emily earlier that evening when
a throat cleared behind me. I glanced back and saw Seth Clearwater watching me, his
presence catching me off guard because I'd assumed Emily was off with him. He smiled
and walked to my side, gazing at the wall.
"I wasn't lying when I said it was excellent," he said.
"What do you see?" I asked curiously. He shrugged, continuing to stare at it.
"It reminds me of what I said earlier," he said after a moment. "How we're all the same
when you look at the big picture."
I glanced at my painting, unnerved by how close he was. It was a sphere in the middle of
darkness, blue mixing in with black. The sphere was made up of every color and shade
imaginable, all of them blending together in chaotic swirls. I painted it thinking of the
world, the colors merging and representing the population-all of us unique in our own
ways, but yet none any greater than the other. We all blended together and mixed with the
black-the people who were overlooked that no one knew existed-and nothing about it was
perfect, because life wasn't perfect.
"Have you sold a painting yet?" he asked before I could respond to his analysis.
"Uh, no," I said, shaking my head. "I don't paint for a job. Everything I do is personal so I
don't really feel comfortable giving it to a stranger for money."
"That's a shame," he responded. "I'd really love to buy this one."
I looked at him with shock, seeing his serious expression. "Uh, thanks. So, um, have you
seen Emily?" I asked, wanting to change the subject from the painting. He glanced at me
with confusion.
"Who?"
"Emily. You know, my friend that introduced us earlier?" I clarified.
"Ah, her," he said. "No, I haven't seen her, sorry."
"Oh," I said, confused. "I should probably go find her then. It was nice meeting you."
"Hey, hold on a second," he said as I turned to leave. He reached into his pocket and pulled
out a small white card, holding it out to me. "If you change your mind about selling the
painting, give me a call. Or even if you don't want to sell it, feel free to use the number."
I took the card from him hesitantly, smiling politely. He was staring at me intently as if he
were studying every inch of me, the attention making me uncomfortable. I turned and
quickly walked away, grabbing my phone and dialing Emily's number. It didn't even ring,
going straight to voicemail, and I left a message telling her to call me the first chance she
got.
I stayed a while longer and saw Seth leave, watching as he ran to a dark car in the parking
lot to speed away. Something about him left me unnerved, but I couldn't really put my
finger on exactly what it was.
It was around eleven when I made my way to the car, starting it up and pulling from the
parking lot. I didn't see Emily's car anywhere so I tried to call her again during the drive,
getting her voicemail once more. I didn't bother to leave another message but took a detour
to drive by her house, seeing the lights were all off and there was no sign she'd been there. I
gave up, figuring she would call and have another crazy story to tell, and made my way
home.
It was a two story house in the Montclair neighborhood, rented under my alias and not
purchased because Alec felt it was safer that way. He said it was better to not have anything
permanent when people are looking for you, and that you shouldn't keep anything you
wouldn't mind walking away from at the drop of a dime.
I parked along the street and shut the car off, sighing as I got out and headed for the front
door. I fumbled with my keys, exhausted, and stuck the key in the lock as I grabbed the
knob. I turned it and my brow furrowed when it opened without a click, realizing it had
already been unlocked. My heart started thumping erratically from fright as I quietly
pushed the front door open, wondering if I'd been in such a hurry earlier that I'd actually
ran out without locking up.
I glanced around cautiously and pulled out the container of pepper spray I usually carried
with me, shutting the door quietly before starting through the downstairs. I stepped into
the kitchen and reached for the light switch, but the moment my fingers touched it a thump
rang out above me. My heart stalled and I glanced at the ceiling instinctively, suddenly
feeling like I was going to be sick. The hairs on my arms stood up as a strange feeling crept
through me, the sensation that I wasn't alone nearly buckling my knees.
I stood as still as a statue, trying to convince myself I'd just been hearing things, when an
unmistakable crash registered with my ears. I gasped and started trembling as soon as I
heard the footsteps, originating in my bedroom and heading down the hall. I immediately
thought of Emily, wondering if it could be her, but the footsteps were too heavy. It
reminded me of how Charles used to walk and the sound his boots would make stomping
against the wooden floor as we sat awaiting punishment from him.
I debated briefly as I heard them start down the stairs, dizzy from the memory of Charles,
and glanced furiously between the closet and the backdoor. I still had my keys and my
phone so in a split second decision I unlocked the back door, pulling it open and slipping
outside. I held my breath as I closed it, not wanting to alert them to my presence, and
bolted around the side of the house for the street. I climbed back in the Volvo and started it
up, speeding away quickly in a panic.
I drove to Emily's house, on the verge of hyperventilating, and silently cursed when I saw it
was still empty. I was at a loss as to what to do, unsure of what was happening.
I couldn't exactly call the police and invite them to search my home, but there was no way I
could go back there by myself. I tried Emily's number again but she still didn't answer, and
as I scrolled through my cell phone again I realized I had no choice but to call Alec. I
wavered between the two numbers before dialing his cell phone, figuring it was an
emergency, and held my breath as it started to ring.
"Hello? Is everything alright?"
"Uh, I'm not sure, sir," I stammered.
"What's going on?"
"I, uh... I had an art gallery showing tonight so I was gone all night. I just got home and my
door was unlocked. I thought maybe I'd forgotten to lock it so I just went inside, but then
there was someone there..."
"What do you mean there was someone there?" he asked, his tone sharp.
"There was someone in the house. A man..."
"Who?"
"I don't know. I didn't see them." "Then how do you know it was a man?" "I just guessed. I
mean, it sounded like a man." "Did you hear them speak? What did they say?"
"No they didn't talk. I heard them walking around. It reminded me of Charles..." "Did they
see you?"
"I don't think so. I mean, I didn't make any noise and I ran out the back when I heard them
coming down the stairs."
"You didn't call the police, did you?"
"No, sir."
"Good. Where are you now?"
"I'm in the car. I drove to my friend Emily's but she's not here. I don't know where she is.
She disappeared from the gallery and I haven't heard from her."
"Is that normal?"
"No. Well, I mean, yes. She often goes off on her own, but she's always told me if she was
leaving and we were together."
"So, it's not normal," he said, sounding impatient.
"No, I guess not."
"Has anything strange happened lately?" he asked. "Anyone weird hanging around the
neighborhood or taking a sudden interest?"
"Uh, I met someone tonight, but they were at the gallery," I said, shaking my head as I tried
to think. "He was nice, said he wanted to buy my painting but it was kind of unnerving."
"He was at the gallery? Is there any way he could've known your address and made it to
your house before you?"
"No. Well, I mean, I guess he could've somehow. I don't know. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. It's normal to be flustered under the circumstances. You need to find
somewhere safe to stay tonight, a hotel or something."
"Okay. So should I wait for Emily to show up before I go home tomorrow?"
"No, I'm coming. I'll be there in the morning."
The moment he spoke those words dread coursed through me. In the year I'd been in
California, he hadn't needed to fly out for any reason and I had tried to keep it that way.
He'd been extremely helpful in getting me set up, but I preferred to not have him there in
person.
"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly. "You don't have to..."
"No, I'm sure. I'm glad you called. I'll notify you when I land."
Before I could respond he hung up, the conversation obviously finished in his eyes. I closed
my phone carefully, setting it aside as I debated what to do. I lay my head against the
steering wheel and stared across the street at Emily's house, waiting for some kind of sign
from her. I wasn't sure how much time passed as I sat there before exhaustion took hold of
me and my eyes drifted closed.
I was jolted back awake much later to the sound of a horn blaring and I sat up quickly in
confusion, catching sight of my reflection in the rear-view mirror and groaning when I saw
the red lines imprinted on my cheek. My neck was stiff and my back ached, my eyes still
burning from exhaustion. I reached for my phone, stunned to see it was already after six in
the morning, and frowned when there were no missed calls.
I started the car up and headed back toward my house, looking around cautiously as I
drove through my neighborhood. I parked down the street and was in a trance, staring at
the house, when my phone rang. I glanced at it quickly, hoping it was Emily, and was
stunned to see it was already Alec.
"Yes, sir?" I answered.
"I just landed. I'll meet you there in an hour."
The phone clicked as he hung up, once again not giving me time to respond. I sat
nervously, watching the clock as time slipped away, and almost exactly an hour later a
black rental car slowly came pulling up the street. I sighed and got out, wrapping my arms
around my chest as I made my way toward him. He climbed out of the car and turned to
me as I approached, glancing past me toward the Volvo.
"You should have gotten rid of the car," he said sharply, holding his hand out to me. "Keys."
I started stammering nervously as I gave them to him, but he held his hand up to stop me. I
flinched from the sudden movement and he froze, giving me a pointed look. "Relax," he
said. "I have no intention of harming you."
He started across the street and I followed, watching as he gripped the doorknob and
pushed the still unlocked door open. He reached into his coat and I tensed up as he pulled
his gun out, slowly walking through the downstairs. I stood still by the front door as he
checked the place out, trying to keep myself calm. The house was quiet and appeared
undisturbed, a part of me feeling ridiculous wondering if Alec had flown out for nothing.
"Isabella," he called out after a moment from upstairs. "Come here."
I started up the stairs anxiously and saw him standing in the doorway to my bedroom,
gasping as I looked past him. The room was trashed, my belongings strewn everywhere,
and drawers were dumped out all over the floor. "What..." I started.
"I need you to look through this and tell me what's been taken, if anything," he said. "I'll be
downstairs. I need to make sure the house hasn't been bugged."
"Yes, sir."
I started sorting through things, putting everything back where it had come from and
trying to take inventory of my belongings. My jewelry box was missing, as well as the cash
I'd kept in a drawer. Always use cash, Alec had said, never leave a paper trail. I headed back
downstairs, and walked to the kitchen where Alec was, sighing as he glanced at me. "I'm
just missing some money and jewelry. I don't really own anything valuable."
"Value doesn't always equal a monetary amount, Isabella," he said. "No diaries or
journals?"
"No, sir," I said, shaking my head before it dawned on me. "Oh, crap!"
I ran into the living room, scanning the bookshelf quickly, and breathed a sigh of relief
when I spotted the worn leather book amongst the others. Alec had explained to me how
dangerous diaries were, as that was apparently how the agent had discovered I'd been a
slave in the first place, so I stopped keeping them and burned the ones I'd had. I couldn't
bear to destroy Elizabeth's, though.
"I have Elizabeth's," I said quietly, sensing Alec behind me.
"That's fine," he responded. "There isn't anything anyone could do with it. The journals
themselves are inadmissible as evidence without the person who wrote them to testify, and
she's already dead."
I cringed at his stoic voice, turning around to face him. I went to speak, to ask him what I
should do, when the front door was thrust open, catching me off guard. I gasped and Alec
turned quickly, reaching into his coat for his gun again. He grabbed it but didn't pull it out
and I breathed a sigh of relief as I caught sight of my friend coming in the doorway. Emily
froze at the sight of us, her eyes darting between me and Alec in confusion.
"Who's the DILF?" she asked immediately, shutting the door behind her and motioning
toward Alec. Her eyes scanned him quickly and I groaned as a small smile came upon her
lips.
"Emily..." I started, feeling my cheeks reddening from embarrassment.
"Is this your missing friend, Isabella?" Alec asked calmly. I nodded.
"Missing?" Emily asked, eyeing Alec warily. "Are you a cop or something?"
Alec stared at her briefly. "Do I look like a cop?"
"Sort of," she responded. "I mean, you do have a gun and all."
I watched as Alec took his hand from his weapon, covering it again with his coat. "He's..." I
started, unsure of how to explain it.
"Alec," he said, finishing my statement and holding his hand out to her politely.
"Emily," she responded, taking his hand. "Obviously you already knew that, though."
"Yes," he responded, letting go of her. "Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone
call."
He walked toward the kitchen, pulling his phone out, and the moment he was out of sight
Emily turn to me with shock. "Where the hell did he come from?"
"Uh, I've known him for a while," I mumbled, unsure of what to say.
"I'm not going to lie, Izzy, I was hoping you wouldn't go home alone last night, especially
after that Seth guy at the gallery took an interest in you. He was kind of hot, you know. I
was hoping you'd go off with him so he could knock some of that stiffness out of you, if you
know what I mean, but Jesus Christ, girl! He's kinda old but whatever, the motherfucker is
gorgeous\" she whispered hurriedly. I gaped at her, stunned by her words.
"Wasn't Seth the one you liked?" I asked, confused. Her brow furrowed.
"No, I have no idea who he is. He was charming, though, so I figured he would be perfect
for you," she said, shrugging. "I only had eyes for Professor Ateara."
"Professor” I gasped, stunned. "The man you wanted to go to see is a professor!'
"Yes," she said. "He's all I thought he would be, too. Kept me up all night, my God, but
compared to that hunk of meat in the kitchen he was practically fucking dog food! How the
hell did you pull that, Isabella?"
"You think we..." I started, stunned. "Oh God, Emily, no way! He's... married!"
"So?" she said, shrugging. "A man like that, Isabella, is more than just one woman can
handle. I can't believe you spent all night with him and still didn't get laid. I'm seriously
considering contacting the convent about you."
"Why do you think I spent all night with him?"
"You still have your dress on from the gallery, so there's no way you slept here," she said, as
if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Did you at least blow him?"
"Emily!"
"You're such a prude," she said, smirking as I blushed. "If you won't, can I?"
"No!" I spat as she laughed. "Oh, God, why would you want to?"
"Are you seriously asking me that?" she asked, still laughing. "Are you blind? He's
gorgeous, has that whole mysterious and dangerous look about him. There's no way a man
like that isn't well-endowed. God, I bet he's good in bed, too."
"Emily, stop!" I hissed.
"Oh, relax," she said, rolling her eyes. "I get it. You have no interest in men, except for that
Edwin guy..."
"Edward," I corrected her.
"Edwin, Edward, whatever. Same difference. I've known you for a year now, honey, and
have yet to see the guy. He doesn't call, he doesn't write, he doesn't visit. He may as well be
a fucking ghost, Izzy, but Seth and that fine specimen in the kitchen? They're real, they're
tangible, and there comes a point where you have to give up the fantasy for the reality," she
said, pausing and glancing down the hallway. I heard Alec's footsteps as he headed back in
our direction and her smile grew. "And it doesn't hurt when the reality looks a hell of a lot
like my fantasy."
Alec stepped in the room, slipping his phone into his pocket. "What was the guy's name you
met last night?" he asked, looking at me.
"Seth Clearwater," I responded.
"He's an artist," Emily chimed in.
"Are you sure?" Alec asked. "Or is that just what he said?"
"Uh, that's what he said," she responded, shrugging. "I don't know why he would lie,
though."
"There are always reasons," Alec said seriously.
"I, uh... I have his phone number," I stammered, glancing around and grabbing my purse. I
pulled the small white card out, holding it out to Alec. "He gave me his business card."
A tense silence fell over the room as Alec eyed the card intently. "Did something happen?"
Emily asked after a moment.
"Someone broke in," I mumbled. "They were here when I got home last night."
"Jesus, are you okay?" she asked.
"Yes. I tried calling you," I responded.
"Oh, shit! I'm so fucking sorry. My phone died at the gallery so I didn't know," she said. "I
was going to tell you when I left but you were mingling or whatever and he was being
impatient so I figured you'd be alright."
"It's okay," I said. "It scared me, though, when I couldn't get a hold of you. It was like you'd
vanished into thin air."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about me, I can take care of myself," she said assuredly. "Why
would they target you, though? I mean, no offense, but there are much nicer houses in the
neighborhood."
"Like I said, there are always reasons," Alec said. "I'm going to have a security system
installed today, so you can stay here safely. I already cleared it with the owner."
"Thanks," I said quietly, looking at the clock. "I need to get ready. We have somewhere to
be in an hour."
"I'd rather you skip it," he said.
"I can't," I said right away, shaking my head.
"You can't, or you won't?" he asked, giving me a curious look.
"Won't," I said hesitantly. He nodded, as if he expected that answer, and a small smile
tugged at the corner of his lips.
He agreed I should go if it was important and I hesitantly left the two of them alone
downstairs to get dressed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a pink top. I gathered all of my
hair up and twisted it, securing it to my head with a rubber band, before slipping on my
pair of pink and white Nikes. I head back downstairs and found Emily sitting on the couch
eating an apple, Alec nowhere to be found.
"He stepped outside," she said before I even had a chance to ask. "Got a call, I assume it
was his wife. It was a major mood killer. He was speaking in a pretty foreign language,
though. Italian, maybe? Whatever it was, it was fucking sexy."
I laughed as I walked over to her, shaking my head. "He's not really your type, you know," I
said. "He's a serious kind of person."
"I noticed," she said. "He's intense, seems protective over you. You're not in like, WITSEC
are you?"
"What?" I asked, not knowing what she was talking about.
"WITSEC. You know, witness protection, where the government sends you and gives you a
whole new identity so the gangsters can't find you? Is he a Marshall or something?"
I cracked a smile at the irony of her words, considering it had been the gangster to give me
a new identity to hide from the government. "No, it's nothing like that."
"Well, how come I've never seen him here before?"
"He doesn't live around here."
"Where does he live?"
"Why are you so nosy?"
"Because I am," she said, laughing. "How did you meet him?"
"He's a... friend of the family."
"Really? Do you have pictures of him around? Because he looks really familiar, like I've
seen him somewhere before," she said, standing up. "It's strange. He is a cop, though,
right?"
"Is this an interrogation?" I asked, her questions making me uncomfortable. She shrugged.
"I'm just trying to figure out who he is. Is it a crime to want to know about my best friend's
life? You don't talk much about it," she said. "Anyway, let's get going."
Alec's car was gone when we headed outside and I groaned, realizing he still had my keys.
Emily drove the two of us to the Rainbow Arts Center and we spent the morning cleaning
the place up, organizing everything and gathering up all of the kids' art work from the past
few months. We carefully framed them all and spent the next two hours affixing the
paintings to the wall and decorating for a party. Emily left at one point to get snacks and
drinks as I finished blowing up balloons, and I turned around to get something, nearly
colliding with someone I hadn't seen standing there. They grabbed my shoulders to stop
me and I screamed, caught off guard because I hadn't heard anyone come in.
"Relax," a voice I quickly recognized as Alec's said calmly.
"How did you know where I was?" I asked, surprised he'd found me since I hadn't actually
told him where I was going. He stared at me, his expression making me wonder if it had
been a stupid question.
"You think I don't keep tabs on you?" he asked after a moment.
"Well, I knew you did, but I just didn't know how closely."
"Close enough that I could likely find you at any given moment if necessary," he responded.
"I don't know where you are every minute of every day, but I'm aware of your general
weekly schedule. It's my job to know. It's nice what you do here, by the way."
"Oh," I said. "Thanks. I, uh... I enjoy it."
"I imagine you do," he responded. "Elizabeth did similar things with the Advocacy Center,
gave a piece of herself back to others like her. Carlisle always reminded her that she
couldn't help everyone, but she said if she helped just one person, it would have been worth
all the work, no matter the sacrifice."
"Yeah, she mentioned that in her journal," I mumbled. "I feel the same way."
"So you understand why Edward left you, then?" he asked, his voice even and emotionless.
I cringed from the question, not expecting it, and he gave me a curious look.
"I guess," I said quietly. "I mean, he didn't want me where he is."
Alec was quiet for a moment. "Carlisle fought hard to ensure Edward didn't turn out like
him, but at eighteen he made the exact same decision his father did anyway. Tale il padre,
tale il figlio. Because of that, it's only logical they would worry that what happened to
Elizabeth in that life would happen to you if you became a part of it, also."
I watched him curiously as he paused, seemingly contemplating what to say. "What they
failed to realize, though, is the main thing Elizabeth always tried to teach them... you can't
fight fate. Cambiano i suonatori ma la musica ё sempre quella."
"What does that mean?" I asked. I'd picked up a little bit of Italian over the past year out of
curiosity, but it was hard to decipher when spoken by someone who was fluent. He didn't
answer for a moment and started wandering through the room, his attention focused on
the juvenile paintings. It was weird watching him, because I never took Alec as someone
who would be remotely interested in those sorts of things.
"You read Elizabeth's journal, so am I correct to assume you know I failed her?"
"Failed her?" I asked hesitantly. "She didn't see it that way. She said you were always fair to
her, helped when it was necessary and you were never very harsh."
"I could've done more."
"Can't we all?" I responded. He glanced at me with surprise and I smiled nervously. "I
mean, we're only human, after all."
He nodded. "You are a lot like Elizabeth, even more so now than ever before, but there are
some differences. She wouldn't have stood here and held a conversation with me, that's for
sure, and she probably would've disposed of the car the second I requested," he said,
pausing and smiling with amusement. "Regardless, I can see why they would worry, but the
truth is that just because a person's situation changes, doesn't mean that they'll change. It
doesn't matter if you're in Washington or California or Illinois, you are who you are,
Isabella. Carlisle thinks if he would've let Elizabeth go she wouldn't have met you, therefore
she wouldn't have done what she did, but he doesn't seem to grasp that it was in Elizabeth's
character to help people and nothing would've changed that. She would've met someone,
somewhere, she felt the need to help. That's what I meant by Cambiano i suonatori ma la
musica ё sempre quella."
"Do you think they were wrong?" I asked, the question coming from my mouth before I
even realized what I was doing. "Do you think Edward shouldn't have, uh...?"
"Left you?" he finished the question for me, laughing humorlessly as he shook his head.
"There are worst places you could be than Chicago, but my opinion doesn't really matter,
Isabella. It isn't my life we're talking about - it's yours. You have to come to that conclusion
on your own."
I quietly thought over his words as he sighed exasperatedly. "Carlisle's trial is set to start
soon. He told me yesterday that he once promised he'd help you get to Chicago when you
were ready, if that's what you wanted. He said he wouldn't be able to fulfill that promise
now and asked me to do it for him," he said, pausing. "I told him no."
"No?"
"No," he confirmed. "I told him I wouldn't help you go to Chicago because insinuating you
need help is not giving you enough credit. You're perfectly capable of going on your own, if
that's where you want to be. What you have here is nice and exactly what they all hoped for
you. You're functioning on your own, going to school, doing art, meeting people... it's what
they wanted you to do and they'd all be proud if they knew. I know you came here more for
them than for yourself, not wanting to complicate Carlisle's situation further or involve the
rest of them in it, but I hope in the midst of it you haven't lost sight of what matters most."
"What's that?"
"What makes you happy?"
He glanced at me curiously before the door swung open, sunlight filtering in from outside. I
tensed up as he swung around, catching a glimpse on his gun. "You can't have that thing in
here," I spat. "It's illegal."
The moment I spoke the words I felt ridiculous and he smiled. "It's always better to be safe
than sorry, Isabella."
"Have you ever been in a Wal-Mart?" Emily hollered, coming in the room and dropping
bags on the floor. "That place was a fucking madhouse. I felt like I stepped into some
alternate universe where banana clips and blue eye shadow are still in style. And Jesus,
what's with all the big hair? I'm surprised I made it out alive! Half those women looked like
they could eat me for supper! And I swear to God, I saw a Volvo in the parking lot with one
of those bumper stickers, and the woman driving had on..." She glanced over, her words
faltering when she spotted Alec, "...mom jeans. Hello there."
"Hello," Alec replied. "I'll let you ladies get back to your work."
He strolled away, stepping outside as he pulled his phone out. "Personal bodyguard?"
Emily whispered, glancing at me with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Is this like the
movie with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner, steamy affair included?"
"No," I hissed. "I told you already, it's nothing like that."
"Pity." She shrugged and started digging through the bags, setting up the snack table. We
ordered pizza to be delivered and I was fixing the punch when people started arriving, the
children excitedly running in while their caretakers lingered off to the side. Some didn't
even bother to stay, instead just dropping their children off at the curb. Alec stuck around
for the party, standing off to the side watching warily, so quiet and stoic that most barely
noticed his presence. Others, however, kept casting him suspicious looks and kept their
distance. I smiled, realizing they likely thought the same thing Emily had—that he was a
police officer.
It was chaotic with so many kids running around and laughing, and I did my best to keep
everything under control while Emily did roll call. The pizza arrived and I was putting it on
plates when Emily walked up to me, sighing.
"All here but one," she said.
"Who?"
"Chelsea," she replied. I froze and looked at her with surprise, because Chelsea had never
missed any of the classes and had been looking forward to the party. She lived in a group
home with two of the other kids who had shown up, so I knew it wasn't that she didn't have
a ride. I quickly finished dishing out the pizza, distracted, before pulling a social worker to
the side.
"Is Chelsea okay?" I asked, worried. She nodded.
"She's fine. She was relocated last night, placed in a foster home across town, so she wasn't
able to make it. I'll see she gets her certificate and all of her artwork, though," the lady
responded.
"Oh, okay," I mumbled, disappointed. Her answer did nothing to squelch my worry,
wondering what kind of situation she'd been put into. The rest of the afternoon passed in a
blur, and after they were done eating we held a ceremony and handed out their certificates
of completion. When we were finished we returned their art work to them and I gave them
each a hug as they left, telling them the same words that had been spoken to me at their
age. Words I'd lost focus of in the midst of all the heartache, but words both Elizabeth and
my mother had believed in whole-heartedly.
"Never lose hope," I said. "You're special and meant to do great things in the world. I
believe in you."
Emily offered to take one of the kids home whose parents didn't show back up to get them,
and I started cleaning up the mess when everyone was gone. I could sense Alec's eyes on
me but I ignored the best I could, trying to get done what I needed to do After the place was
back in order I walked over to the last painting still hanging on the wall, the one Chelsea
had done of me and said she wanted me to keep. I took it down and smiled, gazing at it for
a moment before Alec cleared his voice.
"Were you attached?"
"To what?"
"The child who made that," he clarified, motioning toward the painting. I sighed, nodding.
"Her name's Chelsea. She's a very bright girl, probably my favorite out of all of them," I said
quietly. "She was, uh... an orphan. Her father sold her, too."
"Strange how those things work," Alec responded. "Doesn't matter where you go-there will
always be someone."
I nodded, biting my lip nervously and trying to hold back tears as I sat the painting down. I
reached for the large black trash bag to take it out to the dumpster but Alec grabbed it,
stopping me. "I'll get it," he said.
"Uh, thanks," I mumbled. 'The dumpster's out back."
He nodded and grabbed the bag, walking outside. I finished up what I was doing and
grabbed my things before heading for the parking lot, silently cursing when I realized
Emily hadn't returned and I'd rode with her. I saw Alec's rental car parked right by the
door and glanced around, starting around the building to see if he was still at the dumpster.
I froze when I caught sight of him standing in the back parking lot with a man, the driver's
side door open on a black car beside them. The man had his back to me so I couldn't make
out who he was, if I even knew him, but something about his body language told me it
wasn't a friendly confrontation.
The man started backing up a few steps, holding his hands up defensively, and I gasped in
shock as Alec grabbed a hold of him and shoved him back into the car. He pinned him
against the hood with his left hand and pulled his gun out with his right, pointing it at the
man's head. I started trembling from fear, unsure of what was going on when I heard the
man crying out. Alec withdrew the gun after a second but didn't put it away as he pulled the
guy back to his feet. He said something to him, his expression stern, and the man nodded
furiously. Alec waved him off and he turned to climb back in his car, glancing across the
parking lot briefly as his eyes met mine. Confusion set in when I recognized Seth
Clearwater, my heart pounding from fright. He got into the car and started it up, slamming
the gas and squealing the tires as he sped out of the parking lot.
I didn't move at all as Alec approached me, returning his gun to his coat. I could see the
annoyance on his face and didn't speak, knowing he was on edge. "Do you need a ride?" he
asked firmly. I nodded and followed him to his car, slipping into the passenger seat.
I called Emily during the drive and told her I'd left, and she said she was going to a party
that night but she'd talk to me later. Alec didn't speak at all during the drive, and not long
after we arrived someone showed up to install the security system. It took them a few hours
to get it all set up and to replace all of the locks, and after the man departed Alec showed
me how it worked. I asked him what happened if it was set off and he laughed dryly.
"Not much except for some loud noises that could only be stopped with the code, but it
should be enough to scare anyone away," he responded. "I can't have the police being
called."
"I understand."
"Anyway, I have some things I need to handle, and I need to get some sleep sometime
soon," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a set of keys. I recognized them
immediately as mine when he held them out to me. "Get rid of the..."
"Car. I know," I muttered, taking them from him.
"I'll call you in the morning before I leave for the airport. I took a private plane here, in case
you were wondering how I got the gun on board," he said, even though it had been the last
thing on my mind. "And I apologize if you were interested in the Clearwater guy. I saw him
parked behind the school and wasn't amused about it."
"Why was he there?" I asked hesitantly.
"He claimed your friend mentioned the event last night, and he wanted a reason to see you
again," he replied. "He seemed harmless but I told him if he valued his life he would keep
his distance. You shouldn't have a problem with him."
"Oh," I said, not knowing how to respond to that. "Thanks, I guess."
"I suppose you're welcome," he responded. "Anyway, have a good evening, Isabella."
I watched as he walked out, slipping into his car and pulling away. I armed the alarm
system, suddenly nervous being left alone in the house, and went upstairs to take a bath to
try to relax. I read for a while in the tub before washing my hair, and wrapped a towel
around myself when I got out. Dusk had approached and the house was dim and quiet,
each noise bouncing off the walls and echoing through the place. I glanced around the
bathroom, looking for my brush, and groaned after a minute when it was nowhere to be
found. I ran my fingers through my hair to get the knots out and just pulled it back,
exhausted and not wanting to deal with it at that moment. I went into the bedroom and
grabbed some pajamas, dressing quickly before slipping into bed.
The moment my head hit the pillow my eyes started to close, unconsciousness creeping up
quickly. Right before I slipped under my phone started ringing and I sat up quickly,
startled by the noise. I grabbed the phone, seeing it was Emily, and sighed as I answered.
"Huh?"
"What's Alec's last name?" she asked right away. I sighed with annoyance.
"This again?" I mumbled. "Can we save the twenty questions for later? I'm really tired; it's
been a long day. I told you, he's not your type and I really like his wife."
"Is it Evanson?"
I tensed up when the words registered, dread coursing through me. I immediately started
wracking my brain for how she could know that, wondering if I'd somehow said it before to
her.
"How did you..."
"I do watch the news, you know," she said before I could even finish the question. "And I
knew I'd seen him somewhere before, but it didn't strike me until just a few minutes ago
from where."
"The news?"
"Yes, Isabella, the news," she said seriously. "I mean, it's kind of a big deal when mobsters
get arrested these days. Mobsters! That man's one of them? Is he like, a murderer or
something? Jesus, what have you gotten yourself into?"
"It's not like that," I muttered nervously.
"You've been saying that all day long," she replied. "If it's not like that, then how is it? Is
that why you don't talk about your family much? Are they, you know..."
"I told you, my parents are dead," I said.
"How did they die? Were they like, whacked or whatever they call it?"
"No, I was an orphan," I said nervously. "My real father died like two years ago. I told you
that's where I got my money from."
"Was he one of them?" she asked. "I mean, Jesus, Isabella! Your house gets broken into
and you don't call the police, you call the fucking Mafia! How do you even know the
Mafia?"
"I don't," I said.
"Don't give me that shit," she said. "One of them shadowed you all day long! What kind of
trouble are you in? Do you need help?"
"No, I'm fine. It's not that big of a deal."
"Bullshit, it is a big deal," she responded. "Is he, like a hit man, Isabella? He had a fucking
gun on him all day! Is he there now? Do you need me to call the cops?"
"No!" I spat, panicked. "You can't call the cops."
"Why?" she asked. "I want to know what's going on."
"Nothing. I told you, he's a friend of the family. He came to help."
"Why? Mobster's aren't exactly known for their charity work, Isabella."
"Just... to help," I mumbled. "I really can't talk about this, Emily. Just forget about it,
okay?"
"You expect me to forget it like it means nothing and you can't even tell me what's going
on? I'm your friend, you can talk to me."
"I can't," I replied, feeling guilty.
"Fine," she said. "I see how it is. Maybe we're not as close as I thought we were if you don't
trust me."
"Don't be like that, Emily. It's not like that at all. I trust you, but I just... I can't tell you
about that because it's not my stuff to tell. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I'm sorry, too."
Before I could say another word there was a click, the line going dead as she hung up. I
closed the phone and set it aside, staring up at the white ceiling as I laid in bed. Things
were coming apart at the seams and I while wasn't sure what was going to happen, it was
clear nothing was going to be the same after Alec's visit.
*****
Cambiano i suonatori ma la musica è sempre quella = The melody's changed but the song
remains the same.
Chapter 77 Game Over
"When the game is over, the king and the pawn go into the same box." - Italian
Proverb
I stood nervously outside of the massive church, leaned against the side of the building
watching the guests arrive. I hadn't been sure who was coming, considering we didn't have
much fucking family left and Rosalie really only had her grandparents, so I was surprised
at the amount of people gathering inside. I didn't recognize half of them, which was sort of
unnerving and an unwelcome reminder of exactly how cut off from everyone I'd been the
past year and a half. They'd all moved on with life, met new people and made new friends,
and I was still just me... still the same Edward Cullen.
That was how it seemed, anyway. So much had changed in my life but yet nothing fucking
felt different, not when it came down to it.
I glanced at my watch, seeing it was a few minutes before noon. It was hot day in Chicago,
the temperature creeping toward ninety degrees, and the sweat was gathering along my
back and making my shirt stick to me. It was uncomfortable and I was on edge,
contemplating leaving although I knew realistically I couldn't. I'd disappointed a lot of
fucking people in my life, but bailing on my brother's wedding would probably make the
top of the list.
I had other reasons for sticking around, though-more selfish reasons. It was why I stood
outside in the unbearable heat watching everyone in the first place, why my fucking chest
ached and my heart beat erratically every time a car approached. The nerves were probably
half the goddamn reason I was even sweating, coupled with the hangover lingering from
the vodka I'd drank the night before. I was a mess but I was fighting to keep myself
together, not wanting to crack under the pressure.
I sighed, reaching into my pocket for the silver flask I'd brought along, pulling the top off
and taking a swig. The liquid was hot and burned my throat, making my chest feel like it
was being eaten away by flames. The alcohol soothed my nerves some, the burn distracting
me from my thoughts long enough for me to start calming down. I was taking another
drink when I heard my name being called, the sharp voice startling me and making me
choke on the Vodka. I started coughing as I put the lid back on it, gasping as I tried to catch
my breath.
"What?" I rasped, glancing over and seeing Esme standing at the corner of the church with
a stern expression on her face.
"Was it necessary to bring that along?" she asked, motioning toward the flask in my hand. I
rolled my eyes and slipped it back in my pocket as she continued. "First of all, it's not even
noon yet, and secondly, your brother is getting married! What is so traumatizing about a
wedding that you need liquor to get through it?"
"You mean other than the fact that I'll probably never get married myself?" I asked, the
words coming out before I even realized what the hell I was saying. My chest ached even
more as she stared at me with surprise, apparently not expecting me to say that shit, either.
"Plus, I'm about to walk into a church. I'm trying to numb myself before the fucking
lightning strikes me."
"Don't be ridiculous," she said, walking toward me. "I think if lightening was going to strike
anyone for walking into a church, it would probably be your father or my husband."
"Is he here?" I asked, raising my eyebrows curiously.
"Your father? He's inside with Emmett."
"No, not him. Your husband."
"Oh," she said, smiling sadly. "No, I haven't heard from him today. I don't know if he's
going to be able to make it."
"Is he still with her?"
"Who?"
"Don't treat me like I'm a fucking idiot, Esme," I said. "You know exactly who I'm talking
about."
She hesitated, eyeing me warily. "What makes you think he's with her?"
"I don't think, I know," I responded, shaking my head. It hadn't taken me very long to make
up my mind after Alec's car pulled away from the club Friday evening. The moment he
turned onto the road and his words clicked in my head, I reacted impulsively. I sprinted to
my car and unlocked the driver's side door, slipping inside and starting it up. The tires
squealed as I hit the gas, and I flew out of the parking lot and into traffic within a matter of
seconds.
The roads weren't very congested at that hour but I didn't see him anywhere, so I drove in
the direction of our neighborhood hoping he'd have gone home first. I had been right, as
the moment I pulled onto the street I saw his car parked in the driveway of his house with
the engine still running. I pulled behind another vehicle a few houses down and turned my
headlights off, waiting. He came outside a minute later holding a black duffel bag and I
watched as he said goodbye to Esme, glancing around cautiously before getting back into
his car. He pulled out of the driveway and slammed the gas, speeding down the street, and
I waited a few seconds before starting back on the road. I slipped in behind another car as I
turned my headlights back on and we started in the direction of the airport, weaving
through traffic in a rush. I stayed back as far as possible, always making sure there were
cars between us so as not to raise suspicion, but keeping as close to him as possible. I lost
his car twice but each time was able to catch back up, having a general idea of where the
fuck he was going. He unexpectedly pulled down a side street a few miles into the trip and I
slowed, unsure of what the fuck he was doing, before following behind him.
He drove down a few vacant roads before cutting down some alleys, and I slammed the
brakes when I turned down one and nearly rear-ended his car. My heart pounded forcefully
and I cursed when I saw it was a dead-end and his driver's side door was hanging open, no
sign of him anywhere. I went to shift the car into reverse but before I could react my door
was pulled open and someone grabbed a hold of me. It happened quickly, the movement
startling me, and the fucking car stalled from my haste. I had enough time to pull on the
emergency brake, not wanting it to fucking roll, before I was pulled out into the alley and
thrown against the side of the car.
"What are you doing?" Alec asked sharply, pressing the muzzle of his gun underneath my
chin. I started shaking, stunned, and shook my head furiously.
"I, uh... Fuck! I don't know," I sputtered. "I just thought..."
"You aren't paid to think," he cut me off. "You're paid to follow orders and I don't recall
telling you to follow me."
"You didn't tell me not to, either."
"What did you just say?" he snapped, the sound of his finger releasing the safety of his gun
sending a cold chill down my spine. "I'm tired of your disrespect."
"Sorry!" I spat, sensing he was at the end of his rope. "Shit, I'm sorry, alright? I just, fuck...
I just had to know, Uncle Alec."
He froze briefly, not moving or making a sound. "You think I won't kill you just because
you're Carlisle's child?" he asked quietly, his voice menacing. "You think pointing out that
we're family will spare you? Do you honestly believe I'm that soft? Have you forgotten what
you witnessed in Phoenix?"
"No, sir," I said quickly, squeezing my eyes shut at his words as flashes of memory hit me.
He hadn't hesitated to kill his own fucking sister and I knew he wouldn't hesitate with me
either, if he felt he had no other choice. "I didn't mean any disrespect, I swear."
He pulled the gun away and let go of me, and I peeked my eyes open as he took a step back.
"There's no justification for you following me, Edward. Where I'm going doesn't concern
you."
"Doesn't it?" I asked, trying to stop my trembling as I stood up straight. "I mean, if you're
going where I think you're going..."
"What did I just say?" he asked, raising his eyebrows with a stern expression on his face.
"You need to learn to mind your own business. I told you in Forks to make your decision
and you did. You need to be a man of your word."
"So I'm right?" I asked exasperatedly. "You're seriously going to her?"
"You have no right to try to intervene now."

"I'm not trying to intervene," I said, shaking my head. "I just... Christ, I want to know
where she is, what she's doing. Why the fuck you're running off to wherever it is in the
middle of the night. Is something wrong? Is she fucking hurt or something? She doesn't
talk to anyone anymore, Alec! What the hell happened?"
He stared at me as I rattled off questions, his expression blank but I could see the
annoyance in his eyes. I knew I shouldn't have been questioning him, but I couldn't help it.
Not knowing was driving me to the brink, and just the knowledge that he was fucking going
to her ate away at me. I needed something, anything... just a bit of information to keep me
going.
He glanced at his watch and sighed impatiently. He looked as if he was going to speak and
hope swelled through me, but it was trampled instantly when he raised his gun again. I
recoiled instinctively as he fired off a shot in my direction, the unexpected noise startling
me, and I cursed as he fired a second shot. I turned to look incredulously when I heard the
whizzing noise, groaning when I saw the driver's side tires of my car deflating rapidly.
"Fuck," I spat, running my hand through my hair as Alec placed his gun in his coat.
"If you're going to tail someone, at least be discrete about it. I saw you as soon as I stepped
out of the house," he said calmly. "Call for a tow truck and a taxi, and go home. I have to go
and I don't need you slowing me down any more than you already have."
"Just fucking great," I muttered as he started to walk away. I watched as he approached his
car, pausing and turning to look at me again.
"That's an order, Edward."
He slipped into his car and slammed the door, making a U-Turn before speeding away. I
stood there for a moment, my anger and desperation growing, and kicked the side of the
car in aggravation as my eyes started blurring with tears. When it was all said and done I
did what he ordered, because I knew there was no other option. I went home and spent the
rest of the weekend in a drunken stupor, sobering up only long enough to have new tires
put on the car. My body ached and head hurt as I stood there in the fucking heat waiting,
that hope threatening to swell back up inside of me. I knew Alec would be returning and I
was desperate for anything to set my worries at ease, something to assure me that she was
fine.
As much as I tried to fight it, part of me was fucking hoping for her to show up even though
I knew my will-power was low and I would probably just end up hurting her again. I was
such a fucking mess, but I still yearned for her, and I would've probably killed any
motherfucker I had to for just five minutes in her presence, no matter the consequences.
Apparently I was still a selfish asshole...
"Did you get it?"
"Get what?" I asked, looking at Esme in confusion. I'd damn near forgotten she was even
there.
"Your birthday present," she clarified. I rolled my eyes and nodded, not surprised she was
changing the subject.
"It came Friday," I replied. "It was nice, thanks."
"So you liked it?" she asked, a smile forming on her lips as her eyes lit up with excitement.
"Yes. I was surprised, though. I expected another set of self-help books or a fucking
membership to AA or something. Who knew you'd actually get me something decent?"
She laughed and nudged me playfully. "I'm your aunt, I know what makes you happy," she
said. "Although AA does sound like a good idea."
"Don't hold your breath waiting for that," I responded. "If you think I'm miserable now,
catch me the next time I'm sober."
"When was the last time you were sober?" she asked. I shrugged and stared at her, but
before I could respond that I was sober at that moment she elaborated. "And by sober I
mean having gone an entire day without a sip of alcohol."
I laughed bitterly as my father yelled for me and Esme from the front step of the church,
saying the ceremony was about to start, and I started to walk away when she spoke again.
"A year and a half ago," she said, answering her own question.
"Yeah, well, I need something to keep me warm," I mumbled.
We headed inside quietly and she dragged me through the church, practically forcing me
into the seat beside her in the front row. I wasn't surprised I'd been left out of the wedding
party, although I couldn't deny it stung a bit. They decided to keep it small, with Jasper as
Emmett's best man and Alice as the maid of honor, and as soon as the music started I saw
my father walking with Rosalie. He looked proud and as much as the bitch enjoyed getting
on my nerves, I had to admit Rosalie actually looked happy. She seemed to be glowing as
she took her place at the front, and when Emmett pulled the veil from her face I saw tears
were already running from her eyes. Emmett reached over to wipe them from her cheeks
and I looked away, my jealousy and longing growing stronger.
The ceremony went by quickly, and I barely heard any of it as I nervously fidgeted and
looked around for any sign of my uncle. The moment it was over I darted from the fucking
church before Esme could stop me. I got in my car and drove around the city for a while
before eventually heading for the street we lived on, not in the mood for a family party but
knowing I couldn't just go home and skip the reception entirely. They were holding it at
Esme's house and given that you could see my driveway from her front step, I knew she'd
fucking come for me if I didn't go there first.
I parked at the house before strolling down the street to Esme's, and Emmett started
toward me as soon as I walked in, a stern expression on his face. I immediately wondered
what the fuck I'd done wrong, since Emmett was rarely so serious, and I braced myself as
he reached for me. I expected him to fucking body slam me or throw me into something but
instead he pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly.
"Christ, Emmett," I gasped, his firm hold nearly knocking the wind out of me.
"You need to sober the fuck up and get yourself together," he said, his voice low and
demanding. "My kid's gonna need an uncle he can look up to."
"Kid?" I asked incredulously, my brow furrowing as he pulled away from me.
"Yeah, a kid," he responded, grinning. "Can you believe it? I'm gonna be fucking daddy,
man."
"Shit, she's pregnant?" I asked. He nodded and I ran my hand through my hair, stunned.
"Uh, congratulations. Christ, you didn't wait very long, you just fucking got married a
minute ago, Em."
"Started the honeymoon early," he said jokingly. "She's already three months along but we
haven't told anyone yet. Well, not until now, anyway."
"Wow," I muttered, unsure of what to say about all of it. I was happy for him, of course, but
the fucking jealousy was threatening to eat me alive. "I knew that bitch was glowing when I
saw her."
"What did you just call me?" Rose's sharp voice rang out behind me. Emmett laughed as I
turned around, seeing Rosalie standing with her hands on her hips. She still had on her
wedding gown but her hair was let down, her veil gone.
"Yeah, don't call my baby's momma a bitch, man," Emmett said as my eyes scanned
Rosalie. I noticed her face looked fuller and she definitely was fucking glowing.
"Your cheeks got fat." Her eyes narrowed at my words.
"You're still an asshole," she retorted.
I nodded. "You'll get no argument from me on that shit," I muttered. "Congrats, by the way.
On the marriage and the kid."
"Thanks," she replied before reaching over and punching Emmett hard in the arm. He
flinched, obviously not expecting her to hit him, and started rubbing the spot she'd
connected with.
"Jesus, Rosie, what was that for?"
"Baby's momma?" she seethed. He shrugged and I laughed as she rolled her eyes. "And I
can't believe you told him first, of all people."
"Told who what?" Alice asked, walking over and slipping in beside me. She grabbed my
arm, wrapping her arms around it as she leaned against me. I gave her a small smile and
she smiled in return, the happiness and warmth in her expression still oddly comforting
even though I hadn't seen her in a very long time. Jasper walked up beside Alice and looked
at me, actually making eye-contact unlike the last time I saw him. He nodded in greeting
and I returned it.
"Told Edward that Rosie was knocked up," Emmett said. Jasper's eyes widened with shock
but Alice just smiled, obviously already knowing the shit whether or not someone had come
out and said it. Before either could comment Rosalie punched Emmett again, groaning.
"Knocked up?" she echoed, her voice scathing. We all laughed as Emmett grumbled an
apology, and Jasper and Alice quietly congratulated them. Emmett insisted we sit down
together for a while, and they talked about weddings and babies and the future, but I didn't
say much because there really wasn't anything I could contribute. My future was set in
stone and it wasn't anything to gush about or anything I could even share. It was nice,
though, being around them all again. It felt like old times when one of them cracked a joke
or brought up an old memory, all of it so comforting that for a moment I allowed myself to
relax and just forget about everything else. There was no anger or resentment, no guilt or
blame being thrown around for things that had happened. There was nothing but love and
friendship at the table, and even some understanding amongst us.
My father came over for a few minutes, laughing and joking around with us, and I felt a
strange sensation brewing up inside as I watched them all. They were my family, the people
who cared for me most in the world, the ones who had been through it all with me. They
felt my pain and shared in my joy, and as I listened to my father start talking about my
mother and how happy she would be if she were there, I realized exactly what it was.
Happiness. For the first time since leaving Forks, I felt happiness... and it didn't fucking
take drugs or liquor to induce it.
But still, even then, I felt the void, the part that was missing. I felt her absence, when I
wanted nothing more than her presence.
A throat cleared behind me and I stiffened up instinctively, despite the fact that Emmett
and Rosalie smiled.
"This is for you two," Alec's voice rang out as he reached past me, holding a gift wrapped in
shiny green paper to Emmett. The hope inside of me flared as I turned around, seeing he
looked exhausted but otherwise fine. "I apologize I missed the ceremony, I had business I
couldn't get away from and I just now made it back into town. Congratulations."
"Thanks, Unk," Emmett said as he took the box. "It's understandable, no big deal."
Rosalie echoed the sentiment and Alec nodded, wishing them a nice honeymoon before
turning and walking away without even looking at me. I watched him as he approached
Esme, motioning for her to follow him. My eyes darted around the area nervously and my
heart started pounding rapidly when Emmett's voice rang out.
"Izzy Bizzy," he said. I turned to look at him so quickly that I nearly knocked over a fucking
glass of champagne, wondering why he'd said her name, and saw he was holding a card
he'd pulled from the top of the gift. I realized right away it was from her, nearly losing my
breath from the ache in my chest, and reached up to rub it.
"Well, read the fucking thing to us," Rosalie demanded after a second when Emmett didn't
say anything more. Emmett sighed, relaxing back into his chair.
"Emmett and Rosalie, I wish I could deliver this in person but I can't get away right now.
I'm sorry and hope you can forgive me. I'm happy for you two and wish you a lifetime of
happiness and love because you both deserve it. I bet Rosalie looked beautiful in her dress,
but when does Rosalie not look beautiful? Maybe someday I'll get to see pictures or a
video of it. I'd like that," Emmett started, glancing at Rosalie and smiling. "She's right,
babe. You're always beautiful but especially today."
Rosalie smiled and waved for him to continue. "It's hard to believe it's been so long since
I've spoken to any of you. It feels like it was just yesterday we all went to cut down that
Christmas tree together. I'm doing good and have been busy but I won't bore you with
details. Just wanted you to know that I'm okay here so you didn't worry. Please tell
everyone hello for me the next time you talk to them, and tell them I miss them a lot. I
hope college is going well for all of you."
He paused, looking up at us. "Izzy Bizzy says hi and she misses you motherfuckers. She
hopes you aren't fucking up in school," he said. They laughed and I cracked a smile as he
glanced back at the note. "/ don't know what you're supposed to get people for their
weddings because I've never known anyone getting married before. Someone told me
that people register at stores for household things but I didn't think Rosalie was the kind
of woman who would want a blender for her wedding. So I got something that I thought
both of you would enjoy. I would suggest opening it in private like she did for me once,
but I don't think she would get embarrassed either way. Love, Isabella."
Rosalie snatched the box from Emmett, tearing the paper off and opening it quickly. She
glanced inside, shifting some tissue paper around, and started laughing. "I knew it," she
said as Emmett glanced over, his face lighting up.
"Holy shit, Izzy Bizzy's kinky!" he declared, laughing as he reached for the contents of the
box. He started pulling out lingerie and I stared in shocked when he grabbed a pink
vibrator. Emmett held it up, drawing the attention of some people around us as he waved it
around, and everyone started laughing as Rosalie tried to grab it from him. Her cheeks
tinged red as more people started looking and she finally pried it from Emmett's fingers,
throwing it back in the box before shoving him. He nearly fell out of his chair but clung to
it, laughing.
"You're such a douchebag sometimes," she spat, standing up and walking away with the
box. Alice smiled and excused herself, following Rosalie.
"Looks like kitten was wrong," Emmett said jokingly. "Rosie was embarrassed."
"Didn't realize it was possible," I said.
"Me, either," he responded, laughing again. "I'd send her a thank you note just for that but
she didn't say where she was."
"Yeah, well, I'm sure Alec can find a way to get it to her," I said, trying to fight back my
emotion.
"I hope so. I wanna tell her about the baby," he responded. "I still can't believe that shit
myself."
"God help us," Jasper muttered. "A miniature Emmett."
"If it isn't a miniature him, it'll be a miniature Rosalie. I don't know which one would be
worse," I said, laughing.
"It's gonna be a mix," Emmett declared. "Rosie's good looks and my killer personality."
"Better than your looks and Rosalie's personality," Jasper joked.
"I'd really feel sorry for the kid then," I chimed in.
We laughed and Emmett started picking up shit from the table, throwing it at us.
"Assholes," he said. "I still need to tell Dad he's going to be a grandpa. Don't know how he's
going to feel about it. Rosie wants to wait for a bit since he's got so much to deal with right
now as it is, but I don't know. I kind of want to tell him."
"Yeah, maybe you should tell him," Jasper said. "Give him something positive, since
nothing else seems to be going right."
"Do you even think he'll even be around when the time comes, though?" Emmett asked.
"He is going to beat the charges, right?" Both of them looked at me and I shrugged
hesitantly, not sure what they expected.
"I don't know any more than you do about it," I replied. "The trial starts soon, shouldn't
last for more than a few weeks. Your guess is as good as mine on the outcome." I pushed
my chair back and went to stand up, reality creeping back in and ruining my moment of
contentment, when someone gripped my shoulder.
"Hey fellas," Esme said, glancing around the table.
"Hey, Aunt Es," Emmett responded. "Do you happen to have Isabella's address? I need to
send her a thank you note."
"No, sorry," she replied. "I'm sure if you talk to Alec he'll help you out, but I don't have
contact with her. Anyway, Rosalie just threw the bouquet out back. Alice caught it, of
course. I thought she was going to start throwing punches over it."
They laughed as Jasper shook his head. "That's my Alice."
"Yeah, looks like you're next," Emmett said.
"I guess so," Jasper responded. Esme smiled, patting Jasper lovingly as she started to walk
away. I said goodbye to my brothers quickly and followed after her, stopping her in the
kitchen before she could escape outside. "Why'd you just lie?" I asked.
"What did I lie about?" she asked tentatively.
"You said you didn't have any contact with Isabella."
She sighed. "Look, I promised your uncle a year ago that I would stay out of it completely. I
speak to her sometimes when she calls the house but other than that I swore to him I'd
remain uninvolved. He doesn't want people thinking they can go through me to get to her,
and I've nearly crossed the line a few times already."
"Why doesn't he want people knowing where she is?"
"He has his reasons. You know better than to question your uncle's motives. He doesn't
operate on emotion or do things out of spite. He does what's logical, so you just need to
trust that right now," she said. "I do."
"Whatever," I muttered, running my hand through my hair. "I just..."
"I know," she responded, cutting me off before I could finish the thought. "You want to
know that all of this has been for a reason and it has, Edward. She's experiencing things she
wouldn't be experiencing had you not done what you did for her. That doesn't mean I
wouldn't rather her be here, and I know deep down inside that's what you want, too. But
she's out there, just like you told her you wanted her to be."
"Is she happy?" I asked, a lump forming in my throat from the emotion of the word.
Happy.
"Are you?" she retorted. "I can't speak for her, you know that. She enjoys the things she
does, she's told me that much, but one thing that I find ironic is you and her always give me
the same answers to my questions. I'm okay, I'm fine, I've been busy, you don't have to
worry about me. Never do I hear I'm happy'."
She turned before I could respond, waking out the back door to where Rosalie stood in the
yard with some guests. I hesitated for a moment, debating following her, before deciding to
just leave for home. I passed by Clara as I headed for the front door and she smiled warmly,
greeting me. "Are you leaving already?" she asked.
"Yeah," I responded, giving her a smile. She'd changed a lot since living in Chicago and was
practically more of a fucking house guest to Esme than her help. "I'll see you around, Clara.
Have a good night."
"You, too, sir."
I started down the street for the house, slowing as I neared and saw the form sitting on the
step. I recognized my father as I got closer, my brow furrowing in confusion when I saw he
had a cigarette in his hand. "Christ, when the fuck did you start smoking?" I asked. He
glanced at me and shrugged, flicking his ashes on the concrete.
"When did you?" he asked, pointing at some old cigarette butts littering the yard.
"They're not mine," I replied, earning a curious look from him. "Most of them, anyway.
Leah, the girl Esme got to come help out... she smokes like a fucking chimney."
"Ah," he said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a handing one to me along with a lighter.
I took it and lit it as he continued. "I remember Leah from when she was a kid. Her mother
used to work at the advocacy center with your mother."
"Really?" I asked, surprised. He nodded.
"Yeah, nice lady."

He grew quiet, standing there with him sort of surreal. "It's kind of fucked up to be
smoking with my father, the doctor."
"I'm not a doctor anymore," he replied with a bitter laugh, taking a drag. "They suspended
my medical license. Can't have a member of the Mafia wielding scalpels and needles."
"That's fucked up," I said, feeling guilty for having brought the subject up. "Sorry."
He glanced at me and raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Did you just apologize to me?" I
shrugged and he smiled. "Yeah, I'm sorry, too. It doesn't really matter, though- not
anymore. It is what it is."
"Can you get it reinstated after the trial?"
He looked at me incredulously, not even bothering to entertain the question. "I actually
started smoking after your mother died. I drank, too. A lot. I was in a stupor for over a year.
That's the biggest reason I left you kids, you know. I know you blamed yourself for my
absence, and I won't lie-it was difficult to see you, because you reminded me so much of
your mother. But I really didn't want you kids to see me how I was."
"What changed?" I asked curiously, somewhat uncomfortable with the topic, having never
talked about the shit with him before. "What made you pull yourself together and come the
fuck back home?"
He shrugged. "I woke up one morning and realized your mother would be disgusted at my
behavior. Fought so hard for her to have a life and I was just pissing my own away, ignoring
everything she'd worked to build for us. I wasn't exactly doing her memory any justice. I
still drank for a while after I came home but I hid it. It wasn't until I killed the Swans that I
knew I needed to stop it all before someone else got hurt. Thank God Nonna was there to
watch you boys during that time. She was a good woman, you know."
"Yeah, she was," I replied, nodding. "Closest thing to a grandma I ever had."
"You know your real grandmother's only a few miles away, you could go see her if you
wanted," he suggested. "I can't guarantee she won't piss you off, though. I visited her
yesterday, only lasted about ten minutes before she started running her mouth about your
mother. She refuses to address her by her name, calls her 'that Irish slave'. She'd probably
do it to you, since you look so much like her."
"Yeah, I'll pass," I replied, tossing my cigarette on the ground and stomping it out, the
smoke making my chest hurt. I reached into my pocket and pulled the flask out, opening it
to take a drink. He watched me curiously and I held it out to him, offering him some. He
hesitated but threw his cigarette down and took it. He grimaced from the hot liquid but it
didn't stop him from taking a second swig before handing it back.
"You know, I probably shouldn't tell you this stuff, but I really have nothing else to offer
anymore. I've failed you a lot, withheld when I should've just been honest, and it's to the
point where I have nothing left to give but the truth," he said quietly, staring down at the
ground in front of him. He looked like a broken man, utterly defeated with very little fight
left in him. It was startling and I didn't like it, because it scared the fuck out of me for what
it meant for his future. "I remember the face of every person I've ever killed. I see them
everywhere I go, and I know logically they aren't there, but the memory of what they looked
like in their final moments lingers. I remember the way your mother looked, too."
"So do I," I whispered. "I remember the sound of her screams."
He glanced at me curiously, apprehension in his eyes. I'd never told him about that night,
the memory too painful to verbalize. The only person I'd ever told was Isabella but standing
there staring at my father, taking in his expression, it almost felt necessary. I sighed and
closed my eyes as I sat down beside him on the step, running my hand through my hair
nervously as I recalled detail-by detail what happened. From the moment we stepped out of
the piano recital to waking up in the hospital with him beside me, every ounce of pain
coming out through my words. He sat quietly and took it all in, his head bowed as he stared
at the ground, but I knew he was listening intently.
"You almost bled to death," he said when I finished, his voice low. "I was sitting at home, so
angry at her because I'd found out that she'd disregarded the warnings to stop digging for
information, and the whole time she was dead and you were lying behind a dumpster. You
could've died and it would've been my fault."
"It wasn't your fault," I said, shaking my head. "The only person to blame for the bullets
that took my mother's life and the bullet that nearly took mine was the motherfucker who
pulled the trigger."
He nodded hesitantly after a second and cleared his throat. "I suppose you're right," he
said. "I sometimes wonder what I could've done to change it, though."
"Yeah, well, Mom would tell you that's fucking bullshit," I responded, earning an amused
look from him. "Well, probably not in those words, but you know what I mean. She was all
about her fate shit, that what's meant to be will be and all that. Like you just said a bit ago,
it is what it is. I mean, often this past year and a half I've wondered if maybe we could've
somehow saved Isabella without me having to initiate, so I could be with her wherever the
fuck she is..."
"California," he said. I trailed off, eyeing him curiously.
"California?" I asked. He nodded.
"I don't know exactly where, but I'm sure she's in California somewhere."
I sat quietly for a moment, a smile nudging at the corner of my lips. My girl went to
motherfucking California like we'd talked about. "California, then. The point is, it's
senseless to wonder because there's nothing that can be done about it now. I did what I did,
you did what you did, and we are where we are. We just gotta deal with the shit, do what we
gotta do."
"You know, you mask it behind the drugs and alcohol and profanity, but you've matured
quite a bit the past year."
"Yeah, well, I don't think Alec would agree with you," I muttered. "He has to threaten to kill
me at least once a week. I'm just waiting for the day he catches laryngitis or something and
can't say the words 'I'll kill you' so instead he just fucking does it."
He laughed, shaking his head. "He threatened to kill me before when I was your age. I've
threatened to kill plenty of people in my life, too."
"Like Isabella," I said. He paused before nodding.
"Yes. I threatened her a few times. Nearly did it, actually, and I'll never forgive myself for
that. It's how we're taught to control people in the Borgata, it becomes second nature, as
disturbing as that sounds. Most of the men fear very little except for death, so the threat of
death is the only thing to keep them in line."
"It's kind of fucking strange how nonchalant you are about telling me you almost killed the
girl I love."
"You still love her?" he asked curiously, glancing at me. I nodded and he sighed. "Well, like
I said, the only thing I have left to give is the truth now and it's the truth. I almost killed
her. I'd take it back if I could, but I can't change the past."
Before I could respond my phone rang and I pulled it out, tensing up when I saw it was
Alec. I flipped it open, pressing the button to answer it before bringing it to my ear. "Yes,
sir?"
"Be at Aro's in thirty minutes," he said pointedly, the line going dead before I could ask him
why. I closed the phone and slipped it back in my pocket.
"I gotta go, I guess," I mumbled as he lit another cigarette. He nodded, not appearing
surprised, and made no move to get up. "You wanna go inside or something? I mean, it's
still your house."
"No, it's alright," he responded. "I'm just going to sit here for a few minutes."
"Alright, then. I guess I'll see you later or whatever," I said, turning to walk away.
"Edward?" he called out. I looked at him, seeing the serious expression on his face.
"Yeah?"
"I love you, son," he said quietly, taking a drag from his cigarette. "I don't think I've told
you that since you were eight, but I do. And I hope you never have to be haunted by the
faces of the dead like I am. I never wanted that for you."
"I know, Dad. I love you, too," I replied, his words putting me on edge because they were so
out of character. "Look, uh, don't go and do something fucking stupid. I know you've got
shit up your sleeves but just be careful, alright?"
He chuckled, shaking his head. "Ironic," he said quietly. "Don't worry, I won't do anything
you wouldn't do, son."
"Yeah, well, that fucking scares me, because I do some fucked up shit."
"Go, son," he replied, waving me off. "You know you can't be late when you're called in.
Don't worry about me."
"Whatever you say," I mumbled, heading for the car. "Bye, Dad."
"Goodbye, Edward."
I hesitated, glancing at him once more before getting in my car and starting it up. I pulled
out of the driveway and headed toward Aro's, musing over his words as I drove. Dread
brewed up inside of me the closer I got, a nagging feeling making me feel queasy...
something was definitely wrong.
I saw Alec's car parked behind Aro's when I arrived, there were a few other vehicles around
but I couldn't decipher whose they were. Most of them fucking looked the same to me,
Alec's only standing out because of a small silver decal on the back. I parked behind it and
got out, heading to the front door and hesitating, glancing at my watch before ringing the
doorbell.
It was pulled open a moment later by the young slave that had come from Phoenix. I smiled
at her and she returned the smile, stepping aside to wave me in. I'd spoken to her a few
times on visits to the house but she always refused to hold a long conversation with me,
telling me her name was Maggie but saying little more than that. I knew she'd be aware of
what we were so I didn't exactly blame her for her hesitance to talk, but she didn't seem to
fear me anymore, thankfully. Before Isabella had come into my life I wouldn't have cared,
years ago would've walked right by her without giving a fuck what she thought or felt, but I
noticed her now. I noticed all of them, and even if they refused to talk to me, I still fucking
tried.
I headed straight for the den where I figured they'd all be, pausing in the doorway and
glancing around the room. Aro sat in his usual spot with Caius, the underboss, to his right
and Alec to his left. There was a capo sitting near Caius and I tensed up when I spotted
Alastair standing off to the side by the window. I clutched my hand into a fist, trying to
keep myself calm, and cleared my throat as I greeted Aro.
"Sir," I said.
"Ah, Edward," he said, glancing at the clock. "Here with a few minutes to spare. Take a
seat."
I walked over and sat down in a chair beside Alec, glancing at him nervously. I could see he
was on edge, that fact alone making my panic flare.
"We have a situation," Aro started right away, his voice firm and serious. "It seems we have
another traitor within the organization, one that can cause significant damage if they aren't
dealt with. He can't see it coming, and he's going to trust very few people at this point. This
is of utmost importance and needs to be done discretely. The organization could be
severely hurt, all of us in this room taken down by him and we can't allow that to happen.
You understand the gravity of this situation, correct?"
"Of course," Alec responded. I nodded, unsure of why the fuck I was there but I wasn't
going to question him about it.
"Good, because I need Carlisle taken out as soon as possible."
My blood ran cold at his words, my heart feeling like it stopped as sickness swelled up
inside of me. My hands shook as I fought it back, Aro's intent gaze falling upon me after a
second. "It's unfortunate, but we have inside sources that have confirmed he's been feeding
information to the feds in order to help himself. He's smart-he's been in this organization
for quite a while and knows how things go. His father, God rest his soul, was one of the
greatest Boss's in the history of the organization. Carlisle turning is devastating and I
wouldn't even suggest the notion if I weren't one-hundred percent sure," he stated.
Aro paused, looking at Alec, and I held my breath waiting for him to defend my father. I
waited for him to try to talk Aro out of it, to fucking make him see logic that my father
would never do anything to jeopardize his family, but the moment he opened his mouth he
completely destroyed my hope.
"I understand," Alec said simply.
"I knew you would," Aro replied. "You always have. You take the oath serious, unlike a lot
of others, which makes you a great asset."
"I'll handle it," Alec said stoically.
"Actually, no," Aro said, shaking his head. "This isn't yours."
"So, who then?" Alec asked tentatively. A smirk turned Aro's lips and he glanced at me,
motioning with his head.
"Him."
"Me?" I asked incredulously, knowing there had to be some kind of mistake. "Fuck, I
can't..."
"Can't?" he countered immediately, his eyes darkening with anger. "Or won't? Are you
refusing an order?"
"With all due respect, sir, Carlisle has a lot of experience and Edward is quite amateur,"
Alec stated. "I would be the safer bet."
"Maybe so, but you don't think Carlisle has prepared himself for this possibility? He'll be
ready for you, Alec, and I don't doubt he w/7/fight back if his life is on the line. But I'm
quite positive he wouldn't fire on his son, especially one that looks so strikingly close to his
beloved wife. He'd accept death before he'd kill his own child."
I stared at them with shock, not knowing what the fuck to say or how to react. I knew that
was true, that he'd fucking die before he killed me, and the fact that Aro would use my
mother's memory against my father making me feel even sicker. It felt so surreal, part of
me screaming that I had to have misheard or it had to be some sort of fucking nightmare.
There was no way I had just been ordered to murder my own father, no way a hit had been
put out on him period. It was unfathomable to me.
"Fair enough," Alec replied. I gaped at him, stunned, and started to speak but he shot me a
murderous look that made my words stop dead in their tracks. "I'm assuming I've been
called here to assist with the aftermath, then."
"Yes," Aro stated, not elaborating any further but I imaged Alec knew exactly what that
meant. Alec nodded and Aro turned his attention to me. "And you understand what's
expected of you?"
I stared at him briefly, seeing the callousness in his eyes as he stared back, and nodded
hesitantly. "Yes, sir," I said, my voice shaking even though I fought to steady it. "I'm
supposed to kill my father."
"A traitor, Edward," he said sharply. "A disgrace to everything we stand for. He's not our
friend anymore, he's an enemy. Your father, the man you respected? He's dead already.
Your order is to eliminate the threat, for all of our sakes. It's about time you've proven your
loyalty to us, anyway. You should've been made to do it long ago, but I didn't press the
issue because of who you are. In fact, I've tolerated a lot I shouldn't have because of your
last name, but I won't tolerate it any longer. Your father has ruined the name, tarnished the
Cullen reputation. Cullen's were loyal, and revered, and strong. Now, thanks to your father,
they're cowards. Liars. Rats. Your grandfather would be rolling over in his grave right now
if he knew what was going on."
"He would," Alec chimed in. "Antonio Cullen would've never stood for this."
"So be a man of honor and do what's expected of you," Aro said. "Earn some respect back
for your bloodline, while you still can. That's all."
"But what..."
"I said that's all!" he snapped, glaring at me.
"Yes, sir," I muttered, standing up. I started out of the room, in a fucking stupor, and heard
Alec follow behind me but I didn't bother to turn around. I was fucking seething, frightened
and unsure of what the fuck I was supposed to do about it. I headed straight out of the
house and for my car when Alec grabbed a hold of me to stop me, pulling me around to face
him. I shrugged away from him, shoving his hands off of me.
"Relax," he said firmly.
"Relax?" I spat. "You expect me to fucking relax? Did you not just hear what the hell he told
me to do? I can't do that shit, that's not me! Maybe you can kill your own fucking family
with no remorse, but I can't! He's my fucking father, Alec! How the hell could you agree
with him in there? I thought you knew my father better than that!"
"I clearly know your father better than you do," he said. "You're more ignorant than I
thought if you don't believe he didn't anticipate this happening."
"You're saying he fucking planned for this? You're so full of shit; you don't know what the
hell you're talking about. There's no way my father would turn on us."
"No one said he turned on us," he snapped. "But that doesn't mean there's no merit to what
was said in there. I've known what your father's been up to since the last Christmas in
Forks. I've talked to him about it and kept my eye on him. He knew this would come out;
he hoped it wouldn't come to this but he was ready for it, regardless. Give the man some
credit."
"This just doesn't make any fucking sense," I spat. "So he's prepared for me to kill him?
What kind of fucked up world do you live in?!"
"The same one you live in," he said calmly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his
phone. "But it's a moot point because you won't be killing anyone, Edward."
"Excuse me? That's news to me, considering I was just ordered to fucking kill someone.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
"You're supposed to go home," he stated.
"You expect me to just go home and just forget about what the hell just happened?" I asked
incredulously. "My father was just at the house. How am I supposed to face him?"
"You won't," he stated, matter-of-fact. "He's already gone."
He turned away from me and got into his car. I stood there, watching as he drove away,
before getting in my own car and heading home. I pulled into the driveway of my house a
few minutes later and climbed out, walking slowly to the front door as I glanced around. I
noticed all of the cigarette butts were gone from the yard and shook my head, realizing he
must've picked them up before he left.
The house was warm when I went inside, the air conditioning barely able to keep up in
order to combat the heat. I grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose from my freezer before
strolling toward the living room, flopping down on the couch and kicking my shoes off,
leaving them lying in front of me.
I wasn't sure how much time passed as I sat there staring at the wooden floor, my mind
frantically trying to sort through my options and possible scenarios while I attempted to
fucking drown it all out with liquor. I could feel the liquid surging through my body,
numbness taking over my limbs and chest but still not extinguishing the fucking ache in my
heart. I was distraught and had to fight back tears more than once, recalling my father's
words from earlier that afternoon. I hadn't wanted to believe Alec when he said my father
had planned for the situation, just in case, but after what he'd fucking said to me before I
went to Aro's it almost made sense. If only I fucking knew what he'd been up to, what he
expected...
Best case scenario, he got the fuck away and I never saw him again. Worst case scenario, he
showed back up and ended up dead, possibly me having to do it. I couldn't, though. There
was no way I could kill my own father. They'd have to kill me, so maybe the worst case
would actually be both of us ending up fucking dead. The way I felt at that moment,
however, dying didn't seem so bad. Fuck, maybe that was the best case scenario... just put
me out of my fucking misery.
The intoxication did nothing to make my tension recede, instead driving me further into
the darkness as I mused over possibilities. Violence, mayhem, murder, bloodshed, fucking
annihilation... I wondered if there was any way to avoid it, or if it was just inevitable and I
was wasting my energy trying to find a way out.
I sat hunched over with my head down, gripping onto my hair tightly with the empty bottle
of vodka at my feet. I was still lucid, hadn't even come close to drinking enough to black
out, but at that moment I wished I had. Just to escape for a bit, just to fucking forget for a
while. My brother's weren't far away, probably still celebrating marriage, and babies, and
fucking futures. Celebrating possibilities, when I was being eaten away by mine being taken
from me. All of it had been taken from me, but I had no one to blame for it but myself, and
now it was my job to fuck up my brothers' futures by taking our father from them. We lost
Mom already so he was the only parent we had left, and I knew both Jasper and Emmett
were desperate to have him around after losing so much. Fuck, as much as we clashed over
the years, I didn't want to fucking lose him, either. He was going to be a grandfather for
fuck's sake.
I got up after a while when the sun started setting, the house cooling off and growing
darker. The wooden floor was cold and felt good against my feet as I strolled toward the
kitchen, my head throbbing as I scoured the cabinets looking for some more alcohol. I grew
aggravated after a moment when I found none, slamming a cabinet drawer angrily as I
headed for the stairs.
"I need to get fucking laid," I grumbled, rubbing my neck as I tried to relieve some of my
tension. I stepped onto the stairs when there was a soft knock behind me on the door, the
taps tentative like they weren't fucking sure if they really wanted to be knocking or not. I
sighed, turning back around and heading for the door as they knocked again, the second
round more assured. I grabbed the knob and opened the door, freezing the moment the
person came into sight.
Jessica Stanley.
I blinked a few times in shock, briefly wondering if I was imagining shit. "Well, at least I
know God has a fucking sense of humor."
"Huh?" she asked, her brow scrunching up from confusion. I shook my head.
"Nothing. You're just the last person I expected to fucking see standing at my front door."
"Oh," she said simply, eyeing me hesitantly. I stood there for a moment, an awkward
silence lingering between us that started grating on my nerves.
"So, uh, do you need something? How did you know where I lived? Actually, what the fuck
are you doing here?"
She smiled. "I told you I was going to Notre Dame, didn't I?" I shrugged, faintly recalling
something about it, but it seemed so insignificant to me so I wasn't sure. "Anyway, Rosalie
and I actually had a class together my first semester and we started talking."
"Wait, hold the fuck up. You and Rose are friends?" I asked with disbelief, recalling how
much Rosalie despised her in Forks. She gave me the most shit for fucking around with
Jessica because of how easy she was.
"Yes, I guess you could say that," she said. "I got an invitation to the wedding but I couldn't
make it. I actually just got back from spending the week in Forks and stopped by to
congratulate them. I, uh... I asked how you were doing and they pointed out your house. I
hope you don't mind. I just wanted to say hello."
"Oh, no, I don't mind," I said, shrugging. "You wanna come in or something?"
She smiled again, nodding. "Sure," she said, stepping by me into the house. She headed
down the hallway and I told her to make herself at home as I headed upstairs, going
straight for my desk to get a bottle of liquor from the bottom drawer. I grabbed a soda from
the fridge when I made it back down and cringed halfway to the living room, my footsteps
stalling briefly when the sound of piano notes filtered through the downstairs, her hand
having pressed down on the keys. It aggravated me and I groaned, shaking my head as I
walked into the room.
"Fingers off the fucking piano," I said, not wanting her to fucking touch it. "I got you a
soda." She smiled sheepishly as she pulled her hand away, walking over to take the drink
from me before sitting down on the couch.
"Thanks. I think this is the first time you've ever actually given me something."
"I gave you orgasms," I muttered, the words coming out before I even knew what the fuck I
was saying. She laughed, the awkwardness and tension in the air between us increasing.
"Yeah, you did. Plenty of them," she said. "You look good, by the way."
"Thanks," I muttered, pulling the top off of the vodka.
"What, no sarcastic comeback about how you always look good? What happened to Cocky
Cullen?"
I laughed dryly, taking a drink. "I think he's still back in Forks somewhere."
"That's a shame," she said, opening her drink. "I always liked him."
"No, you didn't," I said, shaking my head. "No one liked that motherfucker. He was an
asshole."
"True, he was sometimes," she said. "He had some nice moments, though, when he wasn't
busy pushing people away or beating people like Jacob Black up."
I tensed up at the mention of Jacob. "When wasn't I pushing people away or beating
people up?"
She shrugged, not having an answer to the question, and was quiet for a moment. "You
know, no one's heard from him still."
"Who?" I asked, feigning ignorance although I knew exactly who she was fucking talking
about.
"Jacob Black," she replied. "They still have fliers up all over the county; I saw them this
week when I was in Forks. Sad, really. I wonder what happened to him."
"Dunno," I muttered, the subject making me uncomfortable. "There's no telling with Jacob.
So how's everyone else from Forks?"
She shrugged. "I don't talk to Lauren and Tanya anymore. They both stayed in Washington,
went to school in Seattle but Tanya failed out her first semester. She's working at the
grocery store in Forks now."
I chuckled at that fact, finding it amusing. "I'm not surprised."
"Me either. So do you talk to anyone from high school? Whatever happened to your
girlfriend Isabella?"
The mention of her made my chest ache and I took a drink of the vodka, trying to soothe it.
"We broke up."
"That's sad, you two were good together," she responded. "From what I saw, anyway."
"Yeah, we were. So how about you and Mike, you guys still together?"
She shrugged, telling me they tried to make it work but it wasn't easy being so far away. He
was apparently playing football in Seattle, as was Tyler Crowley. A twinge of jealousy hit
me and I flexed my hand into a fist, trying to contain it—it should've been me playing in
college. She rattled on for a bit more about people we knew before the conversation grew
quiet and she cleared her throat nervously. "You know, I never believed the rumors."
"Rumors?"
"Yeah, back in Forks. The rumors that your family was, you know... involved in stuff. I
always thought it was just made up. Kind of crazy. I was stunned when I saw your Dad was
arrested for being some kind of mob boss or something. I mean, he's been my doctor since,
like, elementary school." I nodded, not responding because there wasn't shit I could say
about it. She watched me curiously, obviously hoping for more, but she wasn't getting
anything. We sat quietly for a moment before she sighed, standing up and wandering
across the room. She paused in front of the piano, glancing at the painting on the wall.
"This is nice. Do you know the artist?"
"Uh, no. It was a gift. Artists usually sign their work or something, so it might be on there,"
I said, shrugging. I knew she probably didn't really give a shit about the painting, was just
trying to find something to talk about to get rid of the awkward tension.
She eyed it for a moment, sighing. "No name, just some initials," she said. "Anyway, I
should get going. It's getting late. It was good seeing you."
"Yeah. You, too, Jessica." I got up to walk her to the door, watching as she started down the
street back toward Esme's where I assumed she was parked. I went back into the living
room, grabbing the bottle of vodka again and taking a swig. I strolled over to the painting
and gazed at it curiously, the two lone letters initialed in the corner catching my eye. I.S.
I stared at them for a second before a strange feeling coursed through me. "No fucking
way," I said, shaking my head as they registered. I turned and bolted out of the room,
sprinting up the stairs. I went into my room and started tossing shit around, pulling things
out of the trashcan as I looked for the packaging the painting had come in. I found the
packing slip and pulled it out, my heart pounding fiercely as I stared at the return address.
Thompson Dealers & Advisers Art Exchange Gallery 17 W. 3rd St. San Francisco, CA 94108
"Motherfucker," I spat, reaching into my pocket for my cell phone. I dialed the number for
Esme's house immediately, starting to pace the room as it rang.
"Yes, Edward?" Alec's voice was calm and quiet, not who I wanted to talk to, but it was
good enough for me.
"Where did Esme get this painting from?"
"Painting?" he asked hesitantly, his tone telling me he didn't even know about it.
"Yes, she had a painting sent to me for my birthday. Is she there? I need to talk to her about
it."
"Where did it come from?" he asked, ignoring my question.
"I don't fucking know, that's what I just asked you."
"Where was it sent from?" he asked impatiently.
"Some art dealer in San Francisco." I heard him curse under his breath, that alone enough
to tell me exactly what I wanted to know. "It is her, isn't it? She got the fucking thing from
Isabella?"
"Isabella? What makes you think that?"
"Because the fucking thing has the initials l-S on it," I explained. "That can't be a
coincidence, considering it came from California and that's where she fucking is."
"Who told you she was in California?" he demanded. I hesitated, realizing I should've have
fucking said that, and he huffed with aggravation. "Was it my wife? Because if she betrayed
my confidence by..."
"No, she wouldn't tell me shit. I just figured that's where she went," I lied, not wanting to
involve Esme when she was innocent, but definitely not wanting to rat my father out. He
was in enough fucking trouble as it was.
"You just figured," he stated, and I could tell by his mocking tone that he didn't believe that
shit for a minute.
"Yes," I said. "Am I right? Did she fucking make it?"
"I don't know anything about a painting," he responded. "And I thought I made myself
clear more than once that you're supposed to leave the situation with Isabella alone. Stop
asking about her, stop digging for information, and, for Christ's sake, stop meddling in
other people's affairs! Have you learned nothing from your mother's death?"
"I, uh..." I stammered, his question catching me off guard.
"And as far as I'm concerned, there are more pressing matters to deal with than absurd
conspiracy theories about who may or may not have painted something. I don't have the
time or patience for your obsessive behavior right now. Do us all a favor by pulling yourself
together and stop being so self-centered, and instead focus on things of importance for
once, like your father's life."
Before I could responded there was a click, and the line went dead. I groaned in annoyance
and closed the phone, heading back downstairs to the living room as I cursed to myself. I
sat on the couch in the dim room, drinking vodka and staring at the painting on the wall
until it was too dark to make it out anymore and I was too drunk to stay conscious.
I stayed in a drunken stupor for days, overwhelmed by everything and feeling like I was
spiraling down toward rock bottom again. I didn't leave the house, nor did I answer my
phone or door. Alec didn't call at all, nor did Aro, and I was grateful they left me alone so I
had time to deal with shit in my own way. It still felt so fucking bizarre, all of it, that it was
hard to believe it was actually reality.
It was, though... there was no escaping that.
I called my father's cell phone multiple times a day and it always went right to his
voicemail. I didn't bother to leave a message, not even sure what I hoped to accomplish by
even calling it in the first place. I knew he wouldn't call me back or answer, he was too
smart for that, and even if he did answer what the fuck did I plan on saying? 'Hey Dad, can
you stop by when you get the chance? I'm supposed to kill you and it's kind of a fucking
inconvenience to me. Hope you don't mind.'
A week later I called it again, for probably the hundredth fucking time, but instead of
reaching his voice mail an automated message came on telling me the number was no
longer in service. It had been cut off, just like him... he was definitely on the run. I still
fucking called it every day after that even though I wasn't entirely sure why.
Frankly, I was still waiting to wake the fuck up, holding out hope that I'd open my eyes and
be back in Forks, lying safely in my warm bed with my Bella Ragazza beside me. I knew it
was an absurd thought but one I'd do anything to make a reality. I'd have sold my soul to
the fucking devil and taken an eternity of torture to go back to how things were with her for
just a little while, but there was no going back, because I'd already sold my soul to someone
else. Someone just as fucking evil, it seemed.
And maybe it was stupid of me, but after a week of staring at that fucking painting every
day I knew I couldn't just ignore what my gut was telling me. It was clear she'd done it,
which was fucking stunning given how impressive it was. I always knew she was talented
and would be able to accomplish anything she set her mind to, but I never imagined she'd
produce something like it. I stared at it for hours, wondering what she thought about when
she made it and if she even fucking knew I had it. Had she painted it for me, or had Esme
just been sneaky about getting her hands on something of Isabella's? For all I knew, she
could hate me and want nothing to do with me, especially after promising never to leave
her and then running out on her in the middle of the night. I'd never trust me again if I
were her, I'd never want to come near me or hear from me. I had abandoned her after
swearing I wouldn't. Aro was right-- some of us Cullen's were fucking cowardly and
disgraceful.
I wasn't entirely sure why I was doing it, possibly because I knew Alec would kill me if he
found out and maybe deep down inside I actually had a death wish, but I picked up the
phone one afternoon after staring at the painting and called the art dealer that had sent it. I
told the man who answered that I'd received a gift through their company and I wanted to
know the name of the artist and how I could get a hold of them. After giving them my
information a dozen times and being put on hold for what felt like fucking days, they stated
they knew no more about the artist than I did. They said that they were just the middle
man that handled the private sale, and everything was kept anonymous at the request of
the seller. I complained for a while, demanding they had to have some fucking record of the
transaction, but they said they had nothing but a receipt with Esme's name on it. The artist
had requested the proceeds go to charity, the money donated directly to some fucking
community center in Oakland.
I called the community center on a long shot but whoever answered claimed they didn't
know who I was talking about. I tried to describe her, unsure of if she'd even look the same,
but the man on the phone was impatient and started grumbling about how I was describing
half of the fucking population. It pissed me off, because there was nothing plain about
Isabella and his insinuation that she was like a fucking dime a dozen caused my temper to
flare. I started cursing, telling him what a fucking ignorant asshole he was, which
effectively ended that goddamn conversation.
I started calling every fucking college in the area, recalling her message to Alec about being
enrolled in school, but none of them would give me any information about students no
matter how much I pleaded. I googled the local art galleries, trying to find artists names,
but never found her listed anywhere. Everywhere I looked I hit a dead end, and after a few
days I ran out of people to call. While in a drunken state I briefly debated going through the
yellow pages and calling random fucking numbers in the area, but I knew that was useless,
like looking for a needle in a big motherfucking haystack.
I eventually called Esme out of desperation, practically begging for more information, but
wasn't very surprised when she said there was nothing she could tell me. She didn't deny
the painting had come from Isabella but claimed she had no phone number or address, just
the general location like me. She said Isabella always initiated contact, anything beyond
that was always handled by Alec. I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or not but I didn't
press it, because the last thing I needed was to cause more problems.
I was out of options at that point, so I did what any sensible, logical motherfucker would
do... I went to the airport.
So maybe it wasn't really sensible or logical, but I was desperate and obviously not thinking
clearly. I called Aro and told him I was going to go out of town for a few days to clear my
head, telling him I hadn't had any luck locating my father. He was hesitant but eventually
said it was fine, requesting I come back as soon as possible and that I let Alec know before I
go. I thanked him and hung up my phone, slipping it into my pocket... there was no fucking
way I was telling Alec.
The fourth of August, exactly two weeks before my father's trial was scheduled to start, I
boarded a plane for California. I was antsy the entire fucking flight and couldn't even make
it the few hours without needing a drink, my nerves frazzled. It was strange being without
my gun because I was accustomed to always carrying it, and I felt oddly vulnerable and
exposed not being able to take it along. Every time someone looked at me for longer than a
few seconds my panic spiked, having grown paranoid over the past year living in such an
unpredictable environment. I breathed a sigh of relief when we landed in San Francisco at
around four in the afternoon and rented a car, driving around until I found a decent
looking hotel I could blend in at. A place without security cameras for privacy, just in case.
I didn't know where to start, or what I hoped to accomplish. I didn't even know what the
fuck I planned to say when I found her—if I found her. I didn't know what I expected, what
I wanted from her. I didn't know how she'd react or what she'd say to me, if she'd be happy
to see me or angry I'd fucking tracked her down after promising in my letter I wouldn't. I
felt a twinge of guilt for that fact, but it wasn't the first promise I'd broken and it probably
wouldn't be the last in my life. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing anymore... the only
thing I did know was I needed to see her, with my own two fucking eyes, and that was
exactly what I set out to do.
I spent the next three days, from sun-up to sun-down, going to every art gallery and
museum I could find. I had a picture of her with me and showed it to people in hopes
someone would recognize her. I visited all of the nearby schools, charming and even
fucking bribing the people in the admissions offices to look in their systems for me to see if
she'd ever been enrolled. A few times I thought I'd fucking had a lead, but none of them
panned out. Wrong Isabella, didn't look like her, age was completely off... nothing fucking
fit. I didn't even know what story she was telling people so I couldn't even be entirely sure
myself, knowing she might not even go by her name anymore. I realized anything was
possible and that thought fucking scared me, knowing I might never find her.
On a trip to Oakland I located the community center, noticing there was a small art studio
attached to it. The building was worn down and the art studio was locked, but it turned out
to be for underprivileged elementary students, anyway. I asked inside the center if they
knew an Isabella Swan but it was just as fruitless as it had been over the fucking telephone,
no one was interested in actually helping me.
I was walking out, annoyed, when a small voice made my footsteps falter. "You know Issy-
bewa?" a young boy asked, watching me. I hesitated, nodding.
"Yeah, I know a girl named Isabella," I responded. "Do you?"
"Yes," he said, smiling to reveal both of his front teeth missing. "She's pretty."
"My Isabella's beautiful, too," I responded, chuckling. I reached into my pocket for her
picture, feeling like a fucking idiot even entertaining having the conversation because the
kid had to be about five years old, but he seemed more interested than anyone else had
been, and it was pretty fucking nice to be given the time of day. He glanced at the picture
when I held it out toward him, a bright smile lighting up his face.
"That's Issy-bewa!" he exclaimed. I froze, staring at him.
"That's your Isabella?" I asked tentatively, earning a nod from him. "Fuck, are you sure?"
His eyes widened with shock and he stared at me for a second, his expression confusing
before it dawned on me that I'd just cursed at a kid. "Shit, sorry."
"Ooooh," he said, cracking a smile again as a giggle escaped. "You said another one!"
"I know, bad habit," I muttered, running my hand through my hair anxiously. I couldn't
recall ever fucking talking to a kid before... it was no wonder Emmett was worried about
what kind of damn uncle I was going to be. "But are you sure this is her?"
"Yes," he replied, nodding once more. "She was my teacher."
"Teacher?" I asked with disbelief.
"She taught us how to paint," he stated.
"Here?"
"Yes. She went to Art College. She was nice. I miss her."
I stood there for a moment, trying to absorb what the fuck he'd just said, when someone
yelled for him. He turned and ran away without saying another word to me and I sighed,
glancing at the picture in my hand before slipping it back in my pocket. "I miss her, too," I
whispered.
The next morning I went to the California College of Arts for the second time, trying the
graduate campus in San Francisco even though the one she'd fucking go to as an
undergraduate in Oakland stated there was no one with her name enrolled and gave me a
lecture about student privacy. I wandered around, asking a few people if they knew her, but
no one seemed to recognize her or wouldn't admit to it if they did. I was about to give up
again and was heading out of the building when I passed an open office door, seeing a man
sitting inside behind his desk. I hesitated, walking over and knocking on the doorframe
before stepping inside.
"Excuse me, sir," I said.
"Professor," he corrected, not even looking up at me. I knew right away he was going to be
a pretentious prick and glanced at the nameplate on his desk... Quil Ateara-- Professor of
Animation. I looked around the room, seeing framed pictures of drawings aligning the
walls, and rolled my eyes. The motherfucker drew cartoons for a living. "What can I do for
you?"
"Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me if you recognize this girl," I asked, pulling the
picture out. "Her name's Isabella. She's an artist."
He glanced over for a split second before shaking his head, turning his attention back to a
stack of papers on his desk. "Sorry, no. There's an art gallery nearby. Try there."
"Thanks," I muttered, putting the picture away and turning around to walk out. I nearly
collided with a dark haired woman in the doorway and she eyed me with surprise, a small
smile overcoming her lips as her eyes scanned me.
"Hello there," she said.
"Hi," I responded, barely giving her a look as I walked past her, heading out of the building.
"Who was that?" I heard her ask the asshole professor, but I didn't stick around long
enough to hear the answer. He probably didn't even fucking listen to me enough to be able
to tell her, anyway.
I located the art gallery, feeling fucking defeated. There was a woman right inside the door
but she was busy talking to someone else, so I started wandering around the building as I
waited for her to be free. I glanced at some of the paintings on the walls and froze when I
turned the corner in the back, by eyes falling upon a painting with a nameplate that took
the fucking breath from me.
Artist: Isabella S.
"Motherfucker," I said right away, stunned. I stared at it for a moment, taking a few steps
closer, and saw the two lone initials in the corner that matched the ones on the painting at
my house.
"You know Isabella?" a voice rang out behind me, catching me off guard. I turned quickly to
look, my brow furrowing when I saw it was the woman I'd nearly ran into at the school a
few minutes before.
"Yes," I responded, turning back to the painting. "At least I think so."
"Yeah, me, too," she replied, taking a few steps closer to stand beside me. "I thought I knew
her, anyway. I don't know anymore. Can I see the picture you showed Professor Ateara?"
"Yeah," I said, grabbing it and holding it out to her. She took it, sighing as she gazed at it.
"That's Isabella, alright," she stated, handing it back to me.
"So you know her?" I asked, my chest aching as hope threatened to fucking take hold of me.
"Like I said, I thought I did," she responded, shrugging. "Is Isabella her real name?"
"Yes," I said, the question confusing me. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"I don't know. I don't know what's real anymore," she muttered, glancing at me. "I'm
Emily, by the way."
"Edward," I replied. The name seemed to surprise her and she blinked a few times as she
stared at me.
"Wow, so at least I know you're real," she said with a laugh. "I've heard a bit about you."
"Have you?" I asked, stunned. My heart started pounding forcefully as the hope burst forth,
and I was unable to fucking contain it anymore.
"Yes. Isabella used to mention you," she said. "She didn't tell me how drop dead gorgeous
you were, though. It's no wonder she never gave any of these guys a second look. If I had a
sip of someone like you, none of these fuckers would quench my thirst, either."
"So she didn't date?" I asked, my stomach feeling queasy from fucking nerves. I felt like a
ridiculous lovesick teenager, asking if a fucking girl dated, but it gave me hope that she
didn't hate me, after all.
"No, not really. Seems she had her eyes on the prize." Her eyes scanned me again and she
laughed to herself, muttering about some girls having all the luck.
"So how well do you know Isabella?" I asked quickly, ignoring her ogling.
"Up until a few weeks ago I thought I knew her pretty damn well," she responded. "Saw her
all the time, talked to her every day."
"What happened a few weeks ago?" I asked, confused. She eyed me warily for a moment,
seemingly in thought.
"What do you do for a living?" she asked, the question catching me off guard.
"Uh, I'm a student," I replied. "Music."
"Where do you live?"
"Chicago."
"What's your last name?"
"What are you, the fucking police?" I asked incredulously. She sighed, shaking her head.
"No. I'm just curious if you're one of them, too." "Them?"
"Yeah. You know, the Mafia." I stared at her briefly, realizing exactly what had happened a
few weeks earlier to make her question whether she really knew Isabella... Alec.
"Why would you think I was a part of the Mafia?" I asked. "Because that other guy was,"
she replied. "Alec Evanson." "What makes you think my Uncle Alec was a part of the
Mafia?"
"Your uncle?" she asked. "Jesus, your entire family must be gorgeous. I know he's like, a
gangster, or whatever you call them these days. I remember seeing it on the news when he
was arrested."
"You saw it on the news?" I asked, not buying that shit. I knew it was reported when they
were arrested but it wasn't more than a few sentences, nothing a random art student
halfway across the country would remember.
"Yes."
"How did you really figure it out?" I asked quietly. "Because it wasn't from the news."
She didn't respond for a moment before sighing. "A friend told me. Apparently your uncle
assaulted him, threatened to kill him if he ever came near Isabella again."
"Does your friend have a name?"

"Seth," she said. "Seth Clearwater. He called me afterward and told me what happened.
Your uncle supposedly spilled who he was, using it to try to scare him. Must've worked, too,
because I haven't heard from him since. He disappeared the next day. Poof, gone."
I stood still, not expecting her to say that. I knew for a fact if he disappeared it wasn't
voluntarily, not when it came to Alec being involved. "Why'd you lie about how you knew?"
"Because he seemed pretty fucking scared and I didn't want the Mafia Man thinking the
dude was talking smack about him, you know?"
"You don't seem scared," I pointed out.
"I'm not, not really," she said. "I mean, I think I'm pretty safe. My Dad's a powerful man,
too. I don't think anyone would mess with me."
"What's your Dad do?"
"He's a senator."
The moment she said those words I laughed dryly, knowing immediately how the fuck Alec
had been keeping tabs on Isabella from afar. They had plenty of politicians in their pocket,
and there was no way Alec would've been okay with Isabella being Emily's friend if her
father were on the straight-and-narrow. The motherfuckers who made the laws were just a
step above the motherfuckers who enforced them.
"Yeah, I guess you're pretty safe," I lied, because no one was fucking safe, not when it came
down to it. "So, do you know where Isabella lives? Can I have her address?"
"Yeah, you can have it. It won't do you much good, though."
"Why?"
"Because she disappeared, too."
I looked at her with disbelief, every ounce of hope that had built up dying instantly in a
surge of panic. "What do you mean she disappeared?"
"I confronted her about your uncle being in the Mafia and she shut down, wouldn't talk to
me. I went by her house the next day and she didn't answer the door, so I called the police
and asked them to do a welfare check because I was worried. They said the house was
cleared out, no sign of her anywhere. She just... left, in the middle of the night."
"Fuck."
"Yeah, it sucks. If you find her, tell her I'm worried about her. Her phone's been
disconnected, so I'm at a loss on how to get a hold of her. She was supposed to start an
internship the day she disappeared and had been really excited about it. It was the first
time a first-year student had been given it, so it was sort of a big deal. She wouldn't have
skipped out on that unless she had no other choice. I'd just like to know she's okay."
"Okay."
She dug in her purse and pulled out a small slip of paper and a pen, jotting something
down quickly. "Here's the address where she was living," she stated, handing it to me.
"Maybe it'll help you, I don't know. I should get going. It was nice to finally meet you,
Edward."
"Cullen," I stated. "Edward Cullen."
She paused before shaking her head. "So you are one of them," she replied. "I googled
some shit afterward and remember that last name."
"Yeah, well, you shouldn't believe everything you read," I muttered. "Thanks for the help."
"You're welcome."
I watched her walk away before glancing down at the paper in my hand, my brow furrowing
in confusion when I read the name she had written... Isabella Smith. Smith? It was no
fucking wonder I hadn't been able to find her.
I located the address a few hours later, an average looking house in Oakland, and found the
place was deserted just like she said it was. I was standing in front of it, frustrated and at a
complete dead end, when my phone rang. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen, tensing
up as dread hit me when I saw it was Alec. I didn't want to answer, knowing it wasn't going
to be good, but knew that avoiding would only make everything worse. I took a deep breath
before I opened it, bringing it to my ear. "Yes, sir."
"Get home. Right this minute," he snapped, the anger in his voice so intense a chill shot
down my spine.
'Yes, sir," I replied quietly. "I'll be there in a few hours."
I hung up before he could say anything else and stood there for a moment, staring at the
house she had lived in for the past year. It was where she'd slept, where she'd dreamt and
where she got to live out some of those dreams. I couldn't even begin to imagine where she
might've gone, but I just hoped wherever it was, she really was happy.
She deserved it.
I caught the first flight I could get back to Chicago that evening, sitting in the window seat
and staring out at the sky as it started to darken. I was in a trance the entire flight, time
slipping away fast. I found my car in the parking lot of the airport when we landed and
drove through Chicago toward home, pulling in the driveway and shutting the engine off. I
grabbed my gun from under the seat, slipping it into my waistband before opening the
door, and stepped out of the car with barely enough time to shut it before someone grabbed
a hold of me.
I cursed, caught off guard as I was thrown back against the car. I reached for my gun
instinctively, the blood rushing furiously through my veins, but he was quicker and
snatched it from my waist before I could. Shock hit me and I blinked rapidly as Alec's face
came into sight, but I didn't have time to react before he raised his hand and swung. His
fist slammed into my face and I cried out as pain ripped through me, throwing my hands
up protectively although it did little to help. He swung a few more times, pounding me with
his fist, and I could feel the blood flowing down my face as my vision blurred from the
impact.
"Shit, Alec!" I hollered, trying to stop him. "Please, stop!"
He swung once more, slamming me across the cheek and busting my mouth. My lip split
and I tasted the blood immediately as my teeth dug into the flesh, the burning sensation
and bitter saltiness making me queasy. He took a step back still clutching my gun with his
left hand, and I swayed for a second before sliding down to the ground, sitting against the
car.
"You're lucky I don't put a bullet in you," he said seriously, throwing the gun at me. I
recoiled, throwing up hands up again as it hit me before falling to the ground.
"Why don't you?" I asked, reaching up to wipe my mouth, seeing the blood on the back of
my hand.
"Because I'd rather not break my wife's heart," he said. "She's already losing her brother.
She doesn't need to lose her nephew on top of it."
"How thoughtful of you," I muttered.
He laughed bitterly. "As much as I've done for your family, for Isabella, you'd think that
would earn me some gratitude from you."
"I am grateful."
"You sure don't act like it," he countered. "I'm beginning to wonder if you and my wife are
hell bent on bringing me down."
"That's ridiculous."
"Is it?" he asked. "I ask one thing of you people and that's to let me handle her, and you
can't even give me that much-neither of you! I go out of my way to make sure she's safe, to
make sure she gets what you wanted her to have, and you don't even seem to care about
that!"
"I do care," I said. "I just... I fucking love her, alright? You can't just tell me to give up and
back off, I can't do it."
"Love is no excuse for reckless stupidity," he said. "Don't you think she deserves more than
this? How do you think she'd feel if she saw you right now?"
I was quiet for a second. "She'd be disgusted," I said quietly.
"She would," he said. "This is your last warning, Edward. I hope you enjoyed your little
vacation to California, because it'll be your last trip for a while. You've single-handedly, in
a matter of days, put her in the spotlight and made her the subject of gossip. It's a good
thing I moved her again before I returned, out of precaution, because you'd have led them
right to her with that blatant spectacle of yours."
My brow furrowed in confusion at his words. "Who?"
"Does it matter who?"
"It matters to me."
"I wouldn't even know where to start," he said, shaking his head. "Let's just say the same
people out there searching for your father right now are searching just as hard for Isabella,
and until it can be handled it's in her best interest to stay hidden. She grasped that concept
quickly... why can't you?"
I had no answer, the question dumbfounding, but he didn't wait for a response anyway. He
told me to go inside and clean myself up before starting to walk away, and I stood up,
gripping onto the car to stabilize myself. "Sorry," I said quietly, but loud enough for him to
hear. "And thank you. For keeping her safe."
He held his hand up, acknowledging he'd heard me, and I headed inside after he was gone.
I hesitated in the hallway before going straight upstairs, washing the blood from my face
and cleaning up my wounds. I climbed into bed and closed my eyes when I was done,
letting sleep take hold of me.
The next few days passed quickly and quietly. I stayed home and no one bothered me
except for Leah, who came to do her usual cleaning. I still called my father's cell phone
number every day, listening to the message saying it had been disconnected, and spent
hours staring at the picture Isabella had painted. I took it off of the wall once, irrationally
looking to make sure I hadn't fucking missed a letter from her or something, but there
wasn't anything there.
I wondered where my father was, what he was doing and if he was even still alive. I started
to hope Aro had be right and he had turned state's evidence, imagining him sitting on a
fucking beach in Hawaii with some fruity goddamn drink with an umbrella in it being
delivered to him by some tanned bitch in a coconut bra and a grass skirt. It was so far out
of character for him, nothing that would ever interest him, but it was better than the
alternative. I imagined him in witness protection with a new identity and a new job,
starting a new life away from all of the bullshit. I knew it was a long shot, though.
No matter what anyone said, I knew my father wasn't a coward. He wouldn't fucking run
forever, even if I hoped he would.
The day of my father's trial came and went with no sign of him, the courts ordering a
warrant for his arrest for fleeing. The GPS monitor that had been on his ankle had been
tracked down and located, cut off and discarded alongside a remote highway in Utah. What
the fuck he'd been doing there I wasn't sure, realizing it was probably just another road he
traveled in his journey to wherever the hell he planned on ending up.
Weeks passed with nothing, September approaching quickly. Aro started calling me for
petty jobs again, never mentioning my father through it all. He was stricter, though--
nothing like the kind man that I once thought actually fucking cared for me growing up.
His tone was harsh when he spoke, his orders demanding. My hatred for him grew with
each passing day, as did my fear. It seemed I hadn't turned out to be the puppet he hoped I
would and knew he wouldn't hesitate to dispose of me now if it came down to it. I was just
another pawn in his game, one he'd willingly sacrifice to his opponent if he thought it
would help him in the long run.
The first weekend in September I received a call from Aro, saying he was holding an
engagement party for Caius's only daughter and I was expected to make an appearance to
show my respect to the Underboss. I begrudgingly got dressed that Saturday, stopping by
the store and buying some generic fucking greeting card, scribbling my name on the
bottom before tucking a stack of cash inside.
I drove to Aro's at around six in the evening, parking my car toward the back and hesitantly
making my way to the front door. I ran my hand through my hair nervously as I pressed the
doorbell, waiting for the door to be opened. Maggie appeared after a moment, seemingly
relieved when she saw it was me, and waved me inside.
"Hey, how are you?" I asked. She smiled softly, shrugging.
"You, sir?" she asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper.
"Well, I'm herewith these motherfuckers, so I'm obviously not doing that fucking good," I
muttered. Her smile grew and she covered her mouth as she stifled a laugh.
"I'm glad you came. It's nice to see a friendly face sometimes," she said quietly, offering to
take my coat. I took it off and handed it to her, thanking her.
"Friendly? That's not something I hear very often," I said, chuckling. She shrugged.
"You talk to me like a person."
"You are a person."
She stared at me briefly, appearing surprised by my response, before turning to walk away.
I went to head for the den when someone called my last name behind me and I turned
quickly, my blood running cold the second my eyes came into contact with Alistair. He was
smirking, staring at me with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"You're lucky your godfather didn't overhear that exchange," he said, strolling toward me.
"Something tells me he wouldn't be very amused by it."
I stared back, unsure of what the fuck to say to him, and fought back my temper at his
expression. He looked as though he was going to say something else to me when Alec
walked over and cleared his throat. "Alistair, Edward," he said.
"Alec," Alistair replied.
"Sir," I said.
"Is there a problem?" Alec asked, glancing between us.
"I was just telling young Mr. Cullen that he should be mindful of what he says and who he
talks to while in the Boss's house. If he isn't careful, someone might get the wrong
impression."
"I didn't..." I started, about to say I didn't fucking do anything wrong, when Alec cut me off.
"Edward's sarcastic mouth is quite notorious, almost expected at this point," he stated. "I
think people would get the wrong impression if he didn't come off with a snide remark here
or there."
I looked at him with shock, not expecting him to defend me, and Alistair laughed bitterly.
"Just because it's expected doesn't mean it's acceptable. He needs to learn some respect.
He was talking to that damn slave and..."
"Respect?" Alec snapped, raising his voice. "And I suppose you honestly think you could
teach it to him, after just speaking like that in his presence? You're well aware of his
mother's background and I'm quite sure you're also aware of the girl he was involved with.
And you want to speak about respect? Maybe you need to learn some yourself."
"I've earned my place here, I've put my time in," Alastair said, anger clouding his face. "I've
proven myself and he hasn't. He needs to listen to and look up to his superiors..."
"So do you," Alec said pointedly. "Or have you forgotten I'm your superior? If you have an
issue with Edward, you come to me. End of story."
Alastair narrowed his eyes and I could tell he was trying to contain himself, Alec obviously
striking a nerve. "All I'm saying is maybe he shouldn't mouth off so much."
"I heard you the first time, but I don't see why you'd want to create a scene over it," Alec
stated. "It's not that big of an issue. It's not like he murdered a member of your family."
I froze when those words came from his lips and Alistair blanched, looking like a deer
caught in headlights. Alec stared at him with his eyebrow cocked, waiting for some sort of
response, but one never came.
"Gentlemen," Aro said, walking over and pausing between Alistair and Alec. "This is
neither the time nor the place for this type of discussion. Perhaps we should have a sit-
down later to clear the air, but for now we celebrate. A principessa is going to be wed soon,
and we'll soon be welcoming her husband into the family. Go enjoy yourselves, have a
drink, maybe even get to know one of the beautiful ladies here."
"Yes, sir," Alec said. Alistair echoed his words and turned around to walk off as Aro excused
himself.
"Thanks," I said when Alec and I were alone.
"Don't thank me," he said coolly. "I don't know what you said, but you do need to learn to
watch your mouth."
"I know," I mumbled.
"You should've worn a suit, too," he stated matter-of-fact. I glanced down at myself
instinctively, still not getting what the big deal was. I had a long sleeve button up shirt on
and slacks, so it wasn't like I was in fucking jeans. He sighed and started to walk away,
obviously not expecting me to have a comeback, but hesitated a few steps away.
"Be on guard tonight," he said quietly, his eyes darting around the room. "A mali estremi,
estremi rimedi."
"Yes, sir."
I watched him start to mingle through the crowd, alarm settling in as I absorbed his words.
A mali estremi, estremi rimedi-desperate times call for desperate measures. I wasn't sure
what the fuck was going to happen but I could feel the tension brewing in the air-so many
conflicting personalities in one place was never a good idea, especially given recent events.
The next two hours were spent making small talk with other made men I knew and their
families, and being introduced to new ones that had recently been initiated or ones I hadn't
fucking bothered to meet before. I pretended to give a shit but the truth was that I was
counting down the minutes until I could leave, not wanting to be around any of those
people. It wasn't my first mandatory gathering and it definitely wouldn't be my last, but it
was certainly the most uncomfortable one. My father was on the lam and everyone in the
room knew it, all of them well aware that his life had an expiration date attached to it. Half
of them probably fucking knew ending him was my job, also, which would account for the
numerous intense looks people kept giving me.
I drank heavily, despite the fact that I had decided to try to cut down, and was painfully
aware that Alec was keeping an eye on me from across the room. He was on edge, his eyes
constantly darting around like he was waiting for the fucking Feds to bust in at any second
or something. I realized it was possible, because frankly anything was possible, but there
wasn't shit I could do to stop it so I tried not to worry.
The crowd started clearing out, families and newer members departing while the ones at
the top of the chain of command gathered in the den to discuss whatever the fuck they
discussed when they got together. I never stuck around for it, nor was I ever invited to, but
it didn't bother me because frankly it was the last thing I wanted to do. At a little after nine,
I strolled over toward Alec and told him I was leaving and he seemed relieved, telling me to
go home and stay there. I started for the door but Aro's voice rang out, stopping me.
"Where do you think you're going, Edward?"
I glanced at him apprehensively. "Home."
"So soon? It's still early. Come, join us."
He motioned in the direction of the den and I sighed, not wanting to fucking be there any
longer. "I'd really rather just..."
"It wasn't a request," he said, walking away. I cursed under my breath and started for the
den, catching a look of panic on Alec's face the moment I stepped in the room.
"I thought you were leaving."
"Ah, he was, but I requested he stay for a while," Aro chimed in, taking his usual seat. He
motioned toward an empty chair and I slid in it, running my hand through my hair
nervously. There were a dozen men in the room besides myself, the administration and all
of the top capo's, but I was the only one low in rank that was present. That fact scared the
fuck out of me, unsure of why the hell I was ordered to stick around, and Alec seemed to be
just as confused.
They all talked for a while about shit that didn't really matter, like baseball teams and
brands of scotch, and I sat quietly drinking, trying to calm my nerves. I wasn't sure how
long I'd been sitting there when they finally delved into matters of business-who owed
money or who wasn't producing for the organization, who was giving them attitude, and
who seemed to have potential. Eventually Aro got up, asking me and Alistair to follow him
and telling the others to give us privacy. He headed for the back door and I hesitantly
followed them out to the back yard, taking seats on some wicker chairs on the patio beside
the pool. He called for Maggie to bring us drinks before dismissing her, ordering her to
remain in her room for the rest of the evening. When she was gone Aro glanced at me,
raising his eyebrows curiously.
"So how are things?" he asked, the question rubbing me the wrong way. What was I
supposed to say? That things were just fucking peachy?
"Alright," I said, shrugging.
"And what happened earlier to cause this argument in my parlor?" he asked, glancing
between me and Alistair.
"I was just a little put off by young Mr. Cullen's attitude," he said. "I was stunned it was
tolerated. I've never heard a man of honor say the vulgar and disrespectful things that
come out of his mouth before."
I tensed up as Aro looked at me again, and he opened his mouth to speak but before he
could an unexpected voice rang out from beside us, one that nearly made my heart stop. I
quickly glanced over in the direction it had come from, recognizing it immediately, and
nearly fucking got sick from fear and confusion when my eyes fell upon my father standing
at the corner of the house about twenty feet away.
"Now Alistair, that's not entirely true and you know it," my father said calmly. He was
dressed in an all black suit, one of his flashy Italian ones that I rarely ever saw him wear,
and his hair was slicked back on his head. He seemed relaxed, his body language casual as
he took a few steps toward us. "My son's hardly the first man of honor to have a smart
mouth. In fact, I had the same attitude when I was his age."
"Ah, Carlisle," Aro said, the confusion and tension evident in his voice. It was clear none of
us knew how to fucking react and I saw Alistair put his hand on his gun under the table,
preparing himself just in case. I didn't know what the fuck he thought he was doing or why
he was there, but I wanted nothing more than for him to get the hell out of there. He had to
fucking know they were out to get him... he had to know walking into Aro's house that he
wouldn't likely walk back out. "I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see you again.
Come, have a seat."
"Thanks, but I'll pass. I'm fine where I am," my father responded nonchalantly, still
lingering a few feet away. "You had to have known we'd see each other again, Aro. It
would've been rude of me to take permanent leave and not say goodbye to you, of all
people."
"True," Aro replied, eyeing him cautiously. "You've been gone for a while, though. I was
afraid something might've happened to you. I was really quite worried."
"I'm sure you were," my father said, a smirk tugging at his lips.
"I was, especially when you missed the beginning of your trial. I was deeply concerned as to
what that meant for you."
"Ah, yes, that," he said, shrugging. "To be perfectly honest with you, I had no intention of
ever going to prison, so I figured there was no use going through the charade of a trial."
"Can't say I'm surprised, Carlisle."
"I'm sure. You always did know me quite well," my father said. "It was a pity I never really
knew you, though."
"Of course you did," Aro said. "What you see is what you get with me."
"I wish that were true. I always thought you were a man of your word, a man who saw the
world as black and white," my father said, laughing dryly. "I never realized exactly how
much you skirted in the gray areas until recently."
Aro's eyes narrowed angrily and I looked around frantically as I started shaking from
fright. "That's completely absurd," Aro stated. "What makes you think such a ridiculous
thing?"
"Isabella Swan."
The sound of her name coming from my father's lips made me gasp as I lost my breath,
unsure why the fuck he was bringing her up.
"What does that girl have to do with this?" Aro asked.
"Everything. She has everything to do with this," he responded right away before glancing
at me. "Edward, why don't you go inside? I'd like to speak to your Godfather alone."
I pushed my chair back and stood up, but froze when Aro slammed his hands against the
table in front of him. "Sit back down," he spat, glaring at me.
I sighed and slipped back into the chair, watching my father cautiously. I saw the panic in
his expression when I took my seat and my heart started pounding furiously, knowing
whatever was about to happen was not going to be good.
"I still fail to see what the Swan child has to do with anything," Aro said, turning his
attention back to my father.
"Are you aware she's an artist?"
"I couldn't care less what she is," Aro responded. "She's nothing to me."
"Of course you know she's an artist," my father said, ignoring his statement. "In fact, you
know a lot about Isabella, more than you'd ever admit to. You're also well aware she's not
nothing to you."
"You don't know what you're talking about. She's always been just a slave. She's irrelevant
in my world."
I cringed, trying to fight back my temper at his words, and saw the irritation flash across
my father's face as he tensed up.
"You know, it never really made sense to me at the time," my father continued. "I never
understood why Charles Swan Sr. refused to give Isabella up, why he wouldn't let her go
when he clearly wanted nothing to do with her. She was a burden, another mouth to feed
and of no benefit to him as a slave at such a young age. So why not take the cash, why not
give her away?"
"She was his granddaughter," Aro said pointedly.
"She was, but that didn't matter to him and you know it," my father retorted. "His son
impregnating a slave would've been a disgrace in his eyes, his bloodline tainted. An
illegitimate child would've destroyed the alliance he tried to form between his family and
the Evansons. Under normal circumstances he would've wanted rid of the child, all
evidence of her existence gone. So why not only keep her, but kill over her on top of it?"
"He didn't want anyone to find out who her father was."
"Yeah, that's what you told me," he said, shaking his head. "You told me Swan had my wife
killed because he didn't want anyone to know what his son had done, and I actually bought
that bullshit for years. I actually believed it, because you told me you were sure. I
slaughtered him and his wife, and then I put my gun to Isabella's head as she slept and
pulled the trigger, wanting her dead, too, because you told me that was the reason my wife
died. And that's exactly what you wanted, wasn't it? You wanted me to kill them all. You
were hoping to use my grief to get me to wipe all of them out and it almost happened. If my
gun hadn't jammed, I would've killed every person there."
"I didn't tell you to kill any of them."
"You didn't have to and you knew it! Like I said, you've always known me quite well. You
knew exactly what I would do with that information and you gave me enough time to do it
before calling me in."
"I would've never ordered a hit on a child, or someone else's slave for that matter!"
"Because you can't\ You're bound by the same rules as all of us. You can't kill innocent
children or another man's slave or you'd have a complete uproar on your hands. They
wouldn't have trusted you anymore if they even suspected you had anything to do with it,
there would've been a mutiny! But you knew exactly how to push my buttons, how to get
me to react. You wanted them all dead and you used me as a scapegoat to make it happen
so you could keep your own hands clean."
"That's ridiculous," Aro spat. "There's no point to that! Why would I want them dead?"
"Evidence," my father said coldly. "Never leave anything behind if it can be linked to you.
It's simple, something all of us know. The moment you realized your mistake you wanted it
disposed of, and you needed an excuse to make it happen without raising red flags."
"What evidence?"
"Isabella's bloodline."
Panic swept across Aro's face briefly and I stared at him in shock, realizing based on his
reaction that he wasn't fucking surprised... he knew exactly what my father was talking
about. Confusion rocked through me, the knowledge nearly crippling me. The entire time,
through it all, he fucking knew they were related!
"You're crazy."
"Maybe so, but I'm still right," my father said firmly. "In 1972 it might not have been able
to be traced to you, but it can be now and you know it. All it would take is a simple prick of
a finger and a lifetime worth of secrets would come spilling out right along with the blood.
You couldn't risk that."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I actually once believed that. I believed you were just as much a victim as the girl herself,
but that changed when she was kidnapped. After Edward initiated, you still wouldn't get
involved, because you knew exactly why they took her and you wanted nothing to do with
it! You were afraid they'd expose you to everyone and you hoped... you fucking hoped...
they'd just get rid of her. But they didn't, and that just complicated things even more for
you. It's why you were in no rush to find James when he went rogue, why you let him get
away with so much. You weren't blinded because he was your nephew by marriage, you
turned the other cheek because of who his father was! You were afraid James knew your
secrets, afraid getting rid of him would set the enemy off!
"They took Isabella for revenge, to try to bring you down, because you'd lied to them. You
tricked them. You fucking promised them if they helped you that you'd help them. You
were a rat, and when the underground wars broke out in the 70's you had Stephan take out
Marcus because he was the next in line to be Boss after my father. You were power hungry
and had your own family murdered for it, but the baby... you couldn't bear to have her
killed. She was too young to understand, couldn't point the finger at you, so you thought
you could spare her. You always used to talk about how much family meant and you clung
to James and Edward like they were your own children, and I actually pitied you because
you didn't have anyone left! And the whole time it was your own fault!"
"How dare you accuse me of that!" Aro spat. "You fucking liar! I'll kill you for this!"
The moment those words were spoken my father reached into his coat, pulling out a gun
and aiming it at Aro before he had time to react. We all jumped up, knocking chairs over in
our haste. Aro stood still and I was frozen with fear as Alistair pulled his own out, aiming at
my father.
"You arranged to have Stephan sell your niece to the Swans because you knew they wanted
a daughter, but you had no idea that thirty years later DNA would exist," my father
continued, ignoring the gun pointed at him and keeping his eyes focused on Aro. "Swan
didn't even know the relationship between the child and you, because if he did he would've
treated her better. All he knew was that you'd helped arrange the adoption of an Italian
child, and that's the reason why he wouldn't sell me Isabella years later. Not because he
gave a shit about her being his granddaughter, but because he was afraid you cared about it
because you claimed family was important! He was afraid you'd come after him for selling
his own flesh-and-blood, not knowing you'd fucking done it first!
"When it got back to you that Elizabeth was asking questions you panicked, and that's
when you set the plan in motion to try to cover your tracks. You put the hit out on my wife,
and I never wanted to fucking believe it. Never did I want to believe you'd do that to me,
that you'd do that to my fucking children, but I couldn't deny it anymore after we rescued
Isabella. She drew pictures afterward-like I said, she's an artist-and she drew a picture of
Alistair. I denied it to myself, I denied it to my son, but when she confirmed it to me herself
I couldn't deny anymore. Your man-your best friend-not only had been in on the
kidnapping, but he'd been the one to pull the fucking trigger on my wife!"
I saw the tears slip down my father's face and I started choking up at the sight of it,
distraught and overwhelmed. Alistair started yelling, denying it all, and Aro glanced
around frenzied, his expression a mixture of confusion and fear. His eyes fell on me and I
stared at him, unable to even fucking move. "Edward," he said firmly, and I knew instantly
what the fuck he wanted. He expected me to follow my orders, to do what he'd told me to
do, and when I didn't react instantly I saw the rage brewing in his eyes.
"Don't talk to my son!" my father snapped. "You've hurt him enough! Tell me, did you want
him dead, too? When you had my wife killed, did you even give a shit that Edward could've
lost his life? Or did you want him killed too?"
"Of course not! I'd never have wanted Edward killed! He's my godson!"
"But you don't deny you wanted my wife dead! You don't deny you had Marcus killed, that
you had your own fucking sister murdered because she was in the way! Did you kill your
brother Peter, too? And James's mother? Did you have them killed for Stephan? Payment
for all the fucking killing he did for you? You don't deny you were in bed with the Russians,
that you had your own niece sold! How sick does a man have to be to make his own family
slaves! You're no better than Charles Swan!"
"She was supposed to have a good life!" Aro spat, losing control of his temper as he reached
for his gun quickly, pointing it at my father. I cursed and backed up a few steps, nearly
tripping over a goddamn chair and losing my footing. "She was still going to be a
principessa\"
"She looked like her mother—like your sister," my father continued, no hesitation in his
voice. "Is that why you never went to the Swan's yourself, why you always sent us? You
couldn't look at her, knowing what you'd done and being unable to do anything about it
because it was too late?"
"You're wrong!"
"And is that why you were so insistent on seeing Isabella when you visited my house? Why
you were so interested in her? You knew she carried your bloodline, a full blooded Italian
princess. Is that why you were so elated about Edward falling in love with her, why you
wanted Edward to have to vouch for her? You thought it was redemption, that he could
make her a mafia princess and it would make up for what you'd done! They were fucking
possessions to you! You've done nothing but lie and manipulate people and destroy lives!
And you had the nerve to ask me if she'd been worth it to me, if she was worth all the pain I
went through, if she was worth everything I lost, and you'd been the one to fucking do it!
Did you enjoy that? Did having so much fucking power over everyone get you off?"
"You're delusional!"
"You're disturbed!" my father yelled. "I never wanted to believe you could be a traitor!"
"How dare you accuse me of being a traitor!" Aro spat. "You, who have been feeding
information to that federal agent of yours? Tell me, Carlisle, how does it feel to be a fucking
rat? How does it feel to turn on us, to break the oath you swore? And how does it feel
knowing you're going to die for it?"
My father stood frozen for a second before a sinister smirk turned up the corner of his lips,
the sight startling me. "You first," he said, his voice cold.
The bang of gunshots ripped through the air and I recoiled, realizing my father started
firing. I covered myself defensively, cursing in shock as Aro was thrust backward, a bullet
ripping through his shoulder and another barely missing his head. He dropped his gun as
his arm went limp and he cursed, turning the patio table over and ducking behind it as
Alistair started firing at my father. My father shot back, hitting Alistair's thigh with a bullet
and making his leg buckle, but he managed to stay upright and continued to fire back. A
bullet from my father's gun hit the table Aro hid behind, ricocheting off of it and flying in
my direction. I ducked as soon as I heard it hit and it grazed my left shoulder, searing pain
running down my arm.
"Fuck!" I snapped, caught off guard. Aro yelled my name, the sound barely audible above
the gunfire, and I glanced in his direction to see his severe expression.
"Do it," he spat. I didn't know what else to fucking do so I pulled my gun out, but before I
could even consider aiming at anything Alistair cried out, stumbling backward. Aro's
attention diverted and I glanced over, stunned when I saw the blood pouring out onto
Alistair's white shirt in the center of his stomach. He tripped and fell backward onto the
ground, his body trembling as he clutched his stomach. Awful fucking cries were escaping
his throat and my father closed the distance between them immediately, firing off some
more shots. Two rounds went right through Alistair's arms, disabling him, and another
bullet ripped straight through his kneecap as he tried to move away. He was crying out,
begging for help, and Aro jumped up, grabbing his gun again before scampering out of the
way. My father was clearly on a mission, his expression grave as he crouched down and
grabbed a hold of Alistair. He shoved the muzzle of his gun in Alistair's mouth and I
watched, horrified as he pulled the trigger without hesitation. Blood splattered everywhere,
the back of his head practically exploding as the bullet ripped through it. I couldn't stop the
scream that reverberated from my chest, flashes of what Alistair had fucking done that to
my mother overwhelming me. My father looked at me with concern, his eyes scanning me
quickly.
"Get out of here, son," he demanded before turning to face Aro, who had taken shelter by
the back door. He stood up but didn't have enough time to aim his gun before Aro shot at
him, a bullet hitting my father straight in the chest. He grunted, staggering, but stayed on
his feet and started firing back.
"Edward, it's an order!" Aro yelled, continuing to shoot toward my father but his aim was
off because of his fucked up shoulder. "Do it or I'll kill you myself!"
"Don't fucking threaten my son!" my father yelled, Aro's words giving him his strength
back. I heard commotion as my father steadied himself and the back door of the house
thrust open forcefully, three guys running outside after having heard the gunshots. Alec
followed behind them but froze in the doorway, taking in the scene as I debated quickly as
to what the hell I was supposed to do. I released the safety from my gun and Alec must
have sensed my dilemma because he raised his weapon, my heart nearly stalling and my
knees going weak when he pointed it right at me.
"What the fu—" I started, unable to even get the entire thing out before he pulled the
trigger. I tried to move but the bullet hit the side of my hand and I cried out, dropping the
weapon as a reflex and grabbing the wound. It felt like it was on fire, throbbing painfully as
blood started running from it. Alec ran toward me and shoved me onto my stomach on the
ground, his voice low and demanding as he told me not to fucking move. His expression
was serious, and he stood up in front of me as he started firing his gun toward my father
across the yard.
I was fucking horrified until it dawned on me that every shot missed, the bullets
deliberately flying past him. My father turned and fired a shot toward Alec, his aim just as
fucking bad, before ducking for cover around the back of the house. Aro and the other two
men shielded themselves near the back door, Alec and me to the side with a clear line of
sight to both of them. The gunshots slowed down for a second as the men hid and reloaded,
the rest of the men from inside filtering out of the backdoor to come to Aro's aide. I
watched with horror when I saw my father drop his gun to the ground, clutching his chest
as his breathing grew labored, and he staggered a few steps.
"Christ," I spat as he undid his coat, shrugging it off, and I saw the small Uzi hanging by a
strap around his shoulder. The blood rushing through me made me dizzy, my vision
blurring as the tears started flowing down my cheeks. I watched him quickly bow his head
and do the sign of the cross, his mouth moving furiously as he spoke to himself. "No!"
I started screaming the word as he turned, his eyes falling on me briefly before he stepped
out into the wide open to face Aro and the others. Alec dropped to the ground instantly,
grabbing a hold of me as I tried to get to my feet, pinning me down with his body as the
loud spray of bullets started. It was deafening, my head thumping with every loud bang,
and I watched with horror as the small explosion of gunfire lit up the yard. I screamed as
loud as I could, begging him not to, but I knew he couldn't hear me and it was too fucking
late, anyway. I knew his mind was made up and there was no changing it, no turning back.
He'd already said his fucking goodbyes, already made peace with everything. He'd made his
bed and he was prepared to lie in it... he was ready to lie in it.
But I wasn't fucking ready.
I tried to push Alec off of me but he wouldn't budge, shielding me as the spray of bullets
ripped through the night. Two guys dropped instantly, their bodies convulsing as they were
pumped full of the lead, and others ran or ducked for cover to fire back. In the midst of the
chaos I lost tracked of who was where, bodies dropping and people running, painful
screams and frightening yells mixing with the rampant gunfire. A bullet ripped through my
father's stomach and he stumbled backward, his finger leaving the trigger briefly as he lost
his grip. The pause in the gunfire gave the others enough time to recoup and they started
firing in succession, a bullet ripping through my father's shoulder as another one tore
through his calf. The blood soaked his shirt and his legs went out as he dropped to his
knees, swaying as he tried to stabilize himself. He pulled the trigger again, gunfire
sounding as more people were hit with bullets as they tried to duck for cover.
The gunfire stopped abruptly after a moment as the cartridge was spent and my father
shrugged the weapon off of his shoulder, letting it drop to the ground. He sat back on his
legs, his head dropping and body shaking as he stared at the ground. Someone stood up
near the house and I panicked, because my father was unarmed, and Alec seemed to react
instinctively by pulling out his gun. He fired off a shot, the bullet hitting the man straight in
the temple. His body dropped, a stray bullet flying past us as he pulled the trigger
reflexively.
I screamed for my father but Alec shoved me further into the ground, busting my face on
the concrete in an attempt to silence me. I cursed, feeling the blood seeping from my nose,
and tensed up when I heard the sirens in the distance. Someone yelled and I heard running
as people fled, and Alec finally let go of me. He stood up and I pushed away from the
ground, cringing and crying out from pain. I glanced across the yard and saw my father
crawling over toward the side of the house, and Alec started toward him right away. My
father stopped when he reached the corner, sitting back as he grabbed his earlier discarded
pistol from the ground.
"Carlisle!" Alec yelled, the panic in his voice evident. My father glanced in our direction, the
breath leaving me when I saw his face. The color was gone, his eyes dull and lifeless. His
shirt was torn to shreds and soaked with blood, his breathing shallow.
My father said something quietly, not loud enough for me to hear, but whatever it was
made Alec's footsteps falter. The sirens grew louder and Alec shook his head, but my father
nodded.
"Get out of here, Edward!" Alec yelled. I stood up in a panic and started across the yard
toward them, ignoring him, but nearly buckled from fright when I saw my father raise his
gun and point it at his chin.
"No! Dad, no!" I screamed. My father's eyes drifted closed as he pulled back the hammer
with his thumb, his finger steady on the trigger. Alec bowed his head quickly, his quiet
voice reaching me as I closed the distance between us.
"Perdonami," he said, and I froze as he raised his gun without hesitation, pulling the
trigger. A hoarse scream rang from me as the bullet tore through my father's skull and he
dropped backward, his body limp as it lay on the grass. I collapsed to the ground, unable to
move any further as sobs rocked my body.
I continued to scream and beg, horrified, and Alec walked right past me toward the pool.
He grabbed my gun and took his own, dropping them into the water before turning back
around. His eyes scanned the property quickly, surveying the carnage, a frown on his face.
There were bodies scattered around, blood splattered everywhere. The sirens wailed
louder, the lights flashing as they pulled up to the property, and I looked at my uncle as the
police started raiding the house and backyard. Alec put his hands up immediately and
dropped to the ground before they even had to tell him, and I rolled onto my stomach to
assume the same position at his command.
I was in a complete daze, distraught and overwhelmed, everything surreal. We were

handcuffed and I laid in the grass, fighting back tears while Alec lay beside me muttering
quietly to himself in Italian. It took a minute for it to register that he was praying, his
words cutting deep. I lost control of myself when I saw them place a white sheet over my
father, a loud sob escaping my throat. All I could think about was how the fuck I was going
to explain it to my brothers, how Esme was going to take the news. How could they possibly
understand what the fuck had happened when I couldn't even understand it myself?
A throat cleared nearby and I tried to silence my sobs and get a grip on myself when they
pulled Alec from the ground to lead him away. "Seven confirmed deceased, including
Cullen," an officer said. "Still waiting on confirmation of the identities of the other six."
"Get a move on it," a second man responded, his voice startlingly familiar. "Anyone
inside?"
"Just the alleged trafficking victim Cullen said would be here," the man said. "The others
must have fled the scene. We have officers out on patrol watching and we placed calls to
our informants, trying to dig up some information. The raids are already in progress at the
other houses."
"Good. Did you call Victims Services about the slave?"
"Yes, they said they'd have someone here shortly. She wouldn't speak to anyone, though."
"I'm not surprised. Give her some time; I'm sure she'll come around once she realizes she's
safe."
Footsteps approached and the familiar voice said my name, recognition dawning when I
glanced up and saw Agent DiFronzo hovering over me. He crouched down and undid my
handcuffs, sighing as he grabbed my hand and eyed my wound. "Get the medic to come
look at Mr. Cullen's injuries."
"Yes, sir."
He stared at me for a moment as I sat up. "We'll have to take you in and ask you some
questions, but you should be out by morning," he said. I nodded, not surprised they'd take
my ass in but a little shocked he anticipated actually releasing me. "Do you want to make a
statement now?"
I wiped my face, trying to get rid of the tears, and groaned when I did nothing but smear
blood on my cheek. I pulled my shirt up to wipe it off, shaking my head. "Maggie," I said
quietly, my voice shaking. My throat burned from all of the screaming, the word barely
audible.
"Maggie?"
"The girl inside. She has a name. It's Maggie."
"Thanks," he replied. "I'm sorry for your loss, by the way."
"Are you seriously apologizing to me?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes. Your father... he may have ended a few lives, but he has saved some, too. The girl
upstairs, for example. Maggie, you say?" I nodded and he did the same, glancing around
briefly before his eyes fell on the form with the white sheet over it a few feet away. "So, yes,
I am sorry."
I laughed dryly to myself, shaking my head as the tears started again. "Yeah... me, too."
*****
Perdonami. = Forgive me.
Chapter 78 Good
"Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a
good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest
times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still
recognize the person you see there." - Sarah Dessen
It's around three thousand miles from the west coast of America to the east coast, maybe
less depending upon where you started and where you planned to end up. That fact
surprised me, because it always felt like it would be farther than that, almost like an entire
universe existed between those two vast oceans. Taking interstates and highways, you
could make the trip in less than forty-eight hours, but realistically it would take someone
about twice as long as that. Still, it wasn't that bad... you could find yourself standing at the
opposite ocean, staring out at the world from a completely different direction in less than a
week.
It sounded like something I would've learned on Jeopardy at one time or another, but I
actually discovered that piece of information first hand. My journey ended up taking
significantly longer than just a few days, though. It took me nearly three months to be
exact. Three months of driving, of wandering... three months of searching.
After Emily hung up the phone that June evening in California, I'd called Alec's cell phone
in a panic. I was afraid she would involve the police, knowing she was worried because I
had no way to explain to her what was going on. I hurriedly told him what had happened
and he ordered me to sit still and not answer the door if anyone but him were to show up.
The police would have no reason to enter and I was under no obligation to talk to them,
he'd explained, so as long as I stayed where I was for the time being there wouldn't be any
problems.
I sat huddled in the living room, peeking out of the large window as I cautiously watched
the street for any sign of visitors, the house completely silent except for the tick of the clock
on the wall as time dragged on. A small black car with tinted windows pulled up at around
three in the morning and Alec climbed out of the driver's seat, looking around the darkened
neighborhood cautiously. I studied the car, confused because it wasn't the same one he had
been driving, and watched curiously as he pulled a few cardboard boxes from the trunk of
it. He knocked and dropped them on the floor near the front door as soon I let him inside
the house.
"Pack what's important to you."
My brow furrowed in confusion as I glanced between him and the boxes. "Pack?"
"Yes, Isabella. Pack," he said impatiently. "We need to have you out of here as soon as
possible."
He didn't elaborate, instead pulling out his cell phone and dialing a number as he waited
for me to follow his order. I hesitated but grabbed a box when he shot me an annoyed look,
dragging it into the living room with me. I turned on a lamp to give me enough light to see
what I was doing and started tossing things inside of the box while his voice carried
through the quiet downstairs, echoing off of the walls. His words were rushed and edgy, all
of it completely in Italian. Every now and then a word would jump out at me that I
recognized, or he'd say a name that I knew, but I didn't understand the context so I had no
clue what he was talking about. It frightened me, though, because I heard both Emily and
Seth's names, and more than once he went on a tirade about Edward, his tone scathing. By
the time he finally quieted down my heart was pounding rapidly, my hands shaking as I
tried to stay calm enough to sort through my books.
"Are they important?" Alec asked behind me, catching me off guard. I turned quickly and
saw the phone was still to his ear but he was looking at me with his eyebrows raised. I
sighed, biting my lip nervously as I glanced down at the books in the box.
"Yes, sir," I said quietly, hoping he wouldn't object and demand I leave them. He nodded
after a second, not arguing with my assessment, and turned to walk out of the room as he
spoke impatiently back into the phone.
"Put my wife on, Carlisle."
His voice was softer, his words once again shifting back into Italian as he talked to Esme. I
had no idea what was going on, what they were discussing, but given that I was packing I
knew it likely had something to do with my situation. I headed upstairs with a box after a
few minutes to get the rest of my belongings, questions plaguing my thoughts. Was he
taking me with him? Was I going to Chicago?
I went through things in my desk, pulling out all of my pictures and tossing them in a box
before opening another drawer to sort through my school papers. I grabbed what I felt was
necessary to keep and threw everything else in a trashcan, tensing up when I spotted the
crinkled up envelope laying in the bottom of the drawer. I pulled it out, having forgotten all
about it, and gazed at the name scribbled on the front—Edward Cullen. It was the letter I
had written him back in Seattle, the one I'd been holding when the federal agent
approached me in the park.
A throat cleared behind me and I jumped, startled. I turned and saw Alec standing in the
doorway watching me curiously. "Something important?" he asked, his eyes darting toward
the envelope.
"Uh, no... it's just a letter I wrote a long time ago," I said quietly. "To Edward."
He nodded, not appearing surprised by my response. "Would you like me to give it to him
when I return to Chicago?"
I stared at him, stunned by his offer, and felt the hope that had unknowingly swelled inside
of me fade away. If he was offering to deliver it, that meant he had no intention of taking
me with him. I glanced back down at the envelope, pushing back my nerves and
disappointment as I tried to recall what I'd written in it. It seemed like a lifetime had
passed since I'd poured my heart out onto the lines of the paper inside. I'd been a different
person then, one I wasn't sure I'd be able to recognize anymore. Even the handwriting on
the front seemed foreign to me now.
"No," I whispered after a second, my chest burning with longing as I dropped the envelope
into the trash can with the other discarded papers. Life had changed me-l was no longer the
fragile, desperate child I had been when I'd written it, and I could only imagine how much
Edward had changed over time, too. There was no way either of us could go back to who
we'd been before... we could only go forward. "Could you possibly give something to
Emmett and Rosalie for me, though?"
"Yes."
I walked over to the closet and reached onto the top shelf, pulling down the small box
wrapped in a vibrant green paper that reminded me of the color of Edward's eyes. I'd
bought the present months ago with Emily's help, having every intention of going to the
wedding, but life seemed to have other plans for me. Alec had said I could attend if I
wanted, but he also said he couldn't guarantee that I would be able to return to California
without the past following me.
I had still wanted to go, the thought of missing such an important day in their lives almost
unbearable, but as time went on it started to feel selfish. Going would not only jeopardize
me if the federal agent figured out I was in Chicago, but also possibly affect the lives of
everyone I cared for. What would it mean for Dr. Cullen and his court case? How would it
affect Edward? If I had to leave California and hide elsewhere, never again to return to the
life I had built, what would happen to the kids I helped teach? They were used to being
given up on, so used to being abandoned, and I couldn't be just another person in their
lives to walk away as if they didn't mean anything. They deserved better than that, and as
much as I wavered on my decision up until the last minute, deep down inside I knew I
couldn't do it. I couldn't just return to the world of Isabella Swan when so much counted on
the existence of Isabella Smith.
It seemed all of my worry had been for nothing, though, considering I was packing to leave
anyway.
I grabbed a blank card from the desk and scribbled down a message, unsure of what to say
to them. I fought back tears and tried to steady my hand as I thought of Rosalie in her
wedding dress, imagining how beautiful she would be in it, and a sad smile curved my lips
when I thought of the look of awe that would cross Emmett's face when he saw his bride. I
sealed the card when I was done and handed the gift to Alec, who tucked it under his arm.
He said nothing as I finished packing my things, just continued to stand in the doorway
watching me. I closed the last box when it was filled and turned to him, biting my lip
nervously. "I think that's everything. The stuff in the trash can has my name on it. I didn't
know what you'd want me to do..."
"I'll burn it," he said as I trailed off.
He explained that he had people on their way to get the rest of my belongings, wanting the
house to be cleared out by dawn. I asked what he was going to do with it and he shrugged
off my question, reiterating to me that all of it was replaceable and I shouldn't get attached
to material possessions. I was on edge as I followed him downstairs, bewildered as he
loaded the boxes back into the trunk of the black car before pausing by the front door to
look at me.
"I'd take you with me, so you could deliver your gift in person, but I'm quite sure they'll be
watching."
"Who?" I asked hesitantly, unsure of anything at that moment. "Agent DiFronzo?"
He sighed exasperatedly. "The federal agent is the least of our worries at this point,
Isabella. I don't doubt he's still looking for you, if not to try to help his case out of sheer
curiosity, but there are other forces trying to seek you out right now and they've gotten too
close for comfort. The fact that your friend knows who I am does nothing to alleviate my
concerns for your safety."
"Emily?" I asked, surprised. "Do you think...? I mean, you don't really think she's actually
in on something, do you?"
"No, I've thoroughly checked Emily out and she's not a danger personally, but that doesn't
mean she can't somehow endanger you," he replied. I stared at him, confused, and he
shook his head when he noticed my expression. "There's no such thing as coincidence,
Isabella. It was no accident that you met Seth Clearwater, your house got broken into mere
hours later and Emily recognized me when I showed up. It was engineered to happen that
way. I tracked down Seth Clearwater after we spoke and he confirmed my suspicions that
he was hired to find you. They paid him half of the money upfront and the other half was
supposed to be wired to him when he sent them proof of your location. He's the one who
broke in, and that's the real reason why he was lurking outside of the community center.
He was still trying to verify he had found the correct girl—the right Isabella."
"Why?" I asked, horrified that someone else was after me. "Who paid him?"
"He never saw the person-it was all done remotely--but he was given the address of a post
office box in Chicago to send the evidence to," he said. "There are only a few people I can
think of who would go through so much trouble to locate you, the most logical suspect
being a man by the name of Alistair. You might recognize him if you saw him-he was in an
accident years ago and has a large scar on his face."
Sickness started brewing up in the pit of my stomach as an image of the man standing over
me in the warehouse flashed in my mind. His expression was so harsh, his eyes cold. "He
was there," I whispered. "When I was taken... he was there."
"He was," Alec responded, somehow already aware of that fact.
"What does he want from me?" I asked, frightened. My legs shook and I wrapped my arms
around my chest, trying to steady myself.
"It depends on if he's working alone or not," he stated. "It's possible he's acting on behalf of
the organization, that he's doing this because the man in charge told him to, but I think
that's unlikely. Yes, you could be used as leverage to possibly control Edward or even
Carlisle, but you could also be used against him and he knows that. The consequences of
getting his hands on you outweigh the benefits to him at this point, so I doubt he would
risk it. But if I'm wrong and it is on official order, we're all in grave danger."
His words were nonchalant but a chill shot down my spine, a curious look flashing across
his face as he noticed my reaction. I hugged myself tighter, the thought of any of the
Cullens, or Alec and Esme being in danger making my knees weak. "And if he's working
alone?" I asked, hoping for a better alternative that didn't put them in harm's way. "Why
would he want me?"
He was quiet for a moment as he considered his words. His demeanor scared me, because
Alec was a straight-forward person, not afraid to speak the truth no matter how harsh the
words, but he was hesitating. "You always get rid of the witnesses, Isabella. You never leave
people behind that can identify you as being somewhere you weren't supposed to be.
Alistair wasn't supposed to be in that warehouse, I'm quite sure of that fact, and you're the
only one alive that can directly place him there. He won't want to risk you being able to
identify him. It would be either you or him in his mind."
"Oh," I gasped, horrified. "He wants me dead?"
"It's a possibility but I can't be completely certain, and because of that I need you to get
away from here. Now. Seth claimed he discarded your stolen belongings in a dumpster
nearby and he never got the opportunity to send anything he collected, but that doesn't
mean Alistair doesn't know enough already to lead him directly here."
"How did they find me in the first place? I mean, how did they know..." I started, trailing
off as Alec gave me a pointed look. He glanced behind him briefly at the silver Volvo, and
my stomach sunk as he turned back to me. The car... they'd found me through the car. He'd
been telling me to get rid of it ever since I left for California and I'd ignored him every time,
not realizing I was completely negating all of the work he'd done to conceal me. "The
Volvo."
"Yes, the Volvo. I switched the plates and altered the title, but it still has the same VIN,
Isabella. It's still linked back to your other life."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling ridiculous for having gotten so attached to it.
"Don't apologize," he replied, shaking his head as he pulled out a set of keys and handed
them to me. "There's nothing that can be done to change the past, but you definitely can't
keep driving it now. I have everything handled with the BMW and all of the paperwork is in
the glove box, along with a driver's license with a new identity for the time being. I had it
made some time ago, just in case it was ever needed."
"Where should I go?"
"Anywhere but here," he responded, shrugging. "Like I said, I'd prefer to take you with me,
but they'll likely be watching. Alistair is in Chicago right now, so I want you to stay away
from there until the situation is handled. Steer clear of familiar locations where you could
possibly be recognized, like Forks, and try to blend in. I'm going to have to limit contact for
now, just in case he is acting on official orders, but I want you to call my cell phone every
few days so I know you're okay. Keep the messages short and to the point, let me know
where you are but don't use your name."
He held his hand out to me and my brow furrowed when he asked for my cell phone. I
pulled it out, confused when he traded me for a small black one. "It's prepaid, has a
Chicago number and can't be traced to you. I paid it six months in advance, so you don't
have to worry about payments. Only use it to contact me. Under no circumstances are you
to call anyone here, nor do I want you to ever attempt to contact my wife or any of the
Cullens until I tell you differently. I don't want them involved any more than necessary. Do
you understand?" I nodded, taking the phone and putting it in my pocket as he continued.
"Just drive until you find somewhere that feels safe that you can settle in, and call me to let
me know. Follow your intuition."
"Yes, sir," I responded, fighting back tears again as I glanced around the house one last
time. "Thank you."
"There's no need to thank me. I'm only doing what I have to do. Go, now. You don't have
time to waste."
He looked at his watch as I stepped out the front door, slowly making my way down the
driveway. I hesitated briefly as I walked past the Volvo, running my hand along the sleek,
silver metal hood. It was ridiculous but the tears started falling, as it felt like one of the last
pieces I had of Edward was being ripped from me. I turned away from it when I realized
Alec was watching me from the doorway, not wanting to irritate him any further than he
already was. I climbed in the driver's seat of the black car and started it up, pulling away
before my nerves could get the best of me. I drove away from the house and off of the street
I'd called home for the previous year, and didn't even bother looking in the rear-view
mirror as it all vanished from sight.
I was running again, disappearing... Would it ever stop?
I made it a few miles away before I reached over to the glove box while at a stop sign,
grabbing the manila envelope inside. I opened it, seeing there was cash inside, and pulled
out the stack of paperwork that was with it. I glanced down as a small plastic card fell into
my lap, and recognized my picture right away. I picked it up and squinted in the darkness
to make out the words—Isabella Jones from Lovelock, Nevada. Twenty years old. That was
me now.
I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing anymore or where my life was heading. I spent
weeks driving aimlessly around the country, visiting small towns and staying in hotels. I
saw famous landmarks, walked through historic buildings and ate in small town diners. I
took in local shows to pass the time, watched movies in darkened theaters and strolled
around crowded county fairs. I went to art centers and sat on college campuses, seeing
local artists working on their creations. I envied them, watching as the poured their souls
into their work. I hadn't picked up a paintbrush since before I'd placed the fateful call to
Alec and it felt like my life had once again stopped at that moment, nothing the same.
I held short conversations with people when necessary, speaking about weather and other
insignificant topics in passing, but for the most part I avoided so as not to draw any
attention my way. I was lonely-lonelier than I'd ever been before-and I didn't know when
things would ever change. Most people barely noticed me as I blended into the crowds,
fading into the background as everyone else went about their lives. I felt invisible again,
almost as if I didn't exist, and I was desperate for something to grasp on to in order to keep
from losing myself altogether. After a while the towns started blurring together, one
looking the same as the other, but I guessed that didn't matter when it came down to it.
Where I was really wasn't that important - all that mattered was where I wasn't
Auburn...
Truckee...
Lovelock...
Lake Point...
Kimball Junction... Rock Springs... Sinclair...
Arlington...
Ogallala... Dearborn...
St. Louis... Mount Juliet... Carthage...
Little River...
I called Alec's number every few days and when I reached his voicemail I'd simply say the
name of the town I'd stopped in. I never stayed where I was for long, a few days at most,
before getting back in the car and driving away again. He'd said to settle in when I felt safe,
to listen to my intuition, but I was paranoid and nowhere seemed right. I felt vulnerable,
completely cut off from everyone and everything, but at the same time utterly exposed. I
wasn't even sure of myself anymore, a few times wavering in confusion when someone
asked me some trivial question such as what my name was or where I was from. I was
suspicious of everyone and over-analyzed everything people said, looking for some secret
meaning or hidden danger they posed to me. The nightmares even started again, faces
haunting me as I tried to sleep, and I'd awaken in a delusional state, convinced they were
lurking around and watching me.
I was losing myself, when I'd only just gotten the chance to find out who I really was.
July and August passed quickly, September dawning by the time I finally reached the end
of the road. I found myself in a town by the name of Ocean Isle in North Carolina, or it
might've been South Carolina for all I knew, staying in a small locally-owned hotel by the
shore. I'd been there for about a week, the longest time I'd stayed in one place, and most of
my time was spent sitting on the balcony of my room overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. I
stared out at the water for hours, listening to the waves crashing and feeling the wind
blowing at night as sleep evaded me. It was calming and I reveled in it, allowing everything
to be forgotten for just a little while as the darkness took over.
I was jolted awake suddenly one morning by a noise, sitting upright abruptly and glancing
around in confusion. My heart was beating rapidly from panic and I tried to clear my vision
to make sense of my surroundings. I was still on the balcony in a white plastic chair and the
sun was starting to rise, the beach in front of me completely vacant. It wouldn't stay that
way long, as vacationers would start filtering in with their families soon to enjoy the good
weather, but for the moment everything was completely still. I wondered briefly if I'd been
dreaming and started to shrug it off when a loud squawk sounded out, startling me. I yelled
and grabbed my chest in shock as a small white seagull landed on the railing in front of me,
squawking again in surprise and flying off when it noticed my presence.
"Geez," I muttered, trying to get a grip as I stood up. I ran my hand through my hair
absent-mindedly and hesitated, my breath faltering briefly as my mind was flooded with
thoughts of Edward. He came to mind at the most random moments and the occurrences
had begun to become more frequent, the memory of him almost constantly taunting me. It
seemed like ever since I'd stopped in Ocean Isle I'd been unable to get him off of my mind,
a nagging feeling distracting me and putting me on edge. I had no idea what was happening
in Chicago, knowing Dr. Cullen's trial had to have already started, and I worried as to how
Edward was holding up and if they were all okay. I tried to push the thoughts aside as
quickly as they came, because I knew there was nothing I could do, but it was easier said
than done. I had even gone as far as to stop into libraries in small towns along the way,
using their internet to check for any news, but I never found anything and eventually gave
up trying.
I figured when it was over- when we were safe- Alec would finally return one of my calls.
I stepped into the cool hotel room from the balcony and stripped out of my clothes, my skin
sweaty and body sore from sleeping in the chair outside. I hopped in the shower to freshen
up, trying to wake up, and wrapped one of the small white towels around my torso as I
started sorting through my clothes. I desperately needed to do laundry, but I managed to
find a pair of clean jeans and grabbed the first top I saw. I dressed quickly, tensing up when
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized I was wearing Edward's football
shirt. I groaned at the dark bags under my eyes, my exhaustion evident in my features like
it had permanently been chiseled there sometime during the trip.
I turned away from my reflection, not wanting to see myself anymore, and started
gathering up my things. I never really bothered unloading anything other than my clothes,
all of my belongings still packed into the boxes in the trunk. I lugged my clothes down to
the car, tossing them onto the passenger seat, before walking over to the main office and
turning my room key in to check out. I was starting to get restless again as my paranoia
grew, and I knew I needed to move on before it got any worse. The problem, however, was I
had no idea where to go from there. I was running low on cash, having gotten by during the
journey on what I had, and wasn't sure if I could risk accessing my bank account yet.
I drove down the street to where I recalled seeing a Laundromat a few blocks away, rooting
around for dollar bills to make change for the washing machine when I arrived. I shoved all
of my dirty clothes into one unit, disregarding everything I'd been taught growing up about
sorting colors, and purchased a packet of powdered soap from the dispenser. The place was
empty and quiet, so I grabbed an old atlas from a small table and took a seat in a cold
plastic chair after I started the washer. I flipped through the pages as my mind drifted,
trying to decide where to go. Should I turn back around and head west again? Should I go
further south, maybe toward Florida? What about up north? I was in a daze as I pondered
states and the room grew quieter after a while, confusing me until I realized that the
washing machine was finished already. I got up and placed the clothes in the dryer, my
stomach growling and familiar hunger pangs running through me as I started it. Recalling
a small diner across the street, I glanced over and saw the 'open' sign hanging crookedly on
the front door.
I debated whether or not I could afford it but my stomach growled again and decided for
me, my body insisting I eat. I gave one last look at my clothes before strolling over and
slipping into an empty booth by the door, fidgeting nervously as I looked around. There
were a few other patrons in the diner, an elderly couple a few seats away and a family in a
back booth, as well as two men sitting on stools drinking coffee at the bar. They all seemed
harmless, no one I needed to be concerned about.
A lady in a white top and cut-off jean shorts with a black apron tied around her waist came
over and plopped a large plastic menu down in front of me, smiling cheerfully. I tried to
force a smile for her, but because of my exhaustion it probably looked more like a grimace.
"What can I get you to drink, honey?"
It took a second for her question to register, her southern accent extremely thick. "Coffee,"
I said quietly. "Black, please."
"Sure thing," she said, turning and walking over to another occupied booth. I opened the
menu and started scanning through it, the options overwhelming. The waitress returned
after a moment and poured a cup of coffee in front of me, setting a glass of ice water down
next to it. "There you go. Do you know what you want to order?"
"Uh, yeah. Just some pancakes, I guess," I answered, naming the first thing I saw. As
hungry as I was, nothing really sounded appetizing.
"I'll have it to you in a jiffy, sugar," she responded sweetly, taking the menu from me and
walking off. I sighed and picked up my coffee, taking a sip of the hot bitter liquid as I gazed
out of the window. I heard one of the men ask the waitress to turn on the television and a
few seconds later the diner was filled with the sound of the news. I couldn't remember the
last time I'd watched anything, unable to recall if the last few hotels I stayed in even had
televisions.
The reports were mainly on politics with a presidential election coming up, scandals
involving one of the candidates dominating the headlines. I'd spent some time learning
about political parties in California, elated because with my identity I had been given the
right to vote. Emily's dad was running for office again and I had often asked her about it,
but she always blew my questions off because she claimed none of it really mattered. She
stated she wouldn't even bother voting if her father's job didn't rely on it, insisting nothing
would ever change no matter who got into office because none of them would do anything
different from the one before them. I never tried to contradict her, but I didn't agree at all.
Abraham Lincoln and the 38th Congress passed the Thirteenth amendment that abolished
slavery, making it illegal for anyone to ever own another person. Woodrow Wilson and the
66th Congress passed the nineteenth amendment, giving women the right to vote. To me, it
mattered.
The men drinking coffee started debating issues and adding their own commentary, the
two of them apparently opposite on everything. I blocked them out after a while, staring
out of the window as their voices faded into the background with the others. I got so lost in
my thoughts that I didn't realize anyone had approached until a throat cleared loudly close
by. I jumped, accidentally spilling some of my coffee, and looked to see the waitress
standing beside me. She reacted quickly and started cleaning up the mess, giving me a
concerned look.
"I didn't mean to frighten you, sugar," she said apologetically. "I just wanted to make sure
you were alright."
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I muttered.
"You sure?" she asked, raising her eyebrows curiously. "You haven't even touched your
breakfast yet."
My brow furrowed in confusion when I spotted the plate of pancakes sitting on the table in
front of me, completely unaware they had been delivered to me. It then struck me how cold
my coffee actually was, and I began to wonder exactly how long I'd been in a trance. It had
felt like mere seconds, but clearly hadn't been if the waitress was concerned.
"Yeah, I'm just, uh..." I started, shaking my head as I pushed the cup of coffee away and
grabbed a fork. "Just distracted, I guess."
"I'm a good listener, you know," she said, a smile forming on her lips as she gazed at me.
"People tell me about their problems all the time. Sometimes it just helps to get it out, so if
there's something on your mind I'm all ears, honey."
I smiled politely as I shook my head. "I'm fine, really. Thank you for the offer, though."
"Of course," she said. "My name's Nettie, by the way. You are...?"
"Isabella."
"How old are you, Isabella?"
I opened my mouth to respond but froze, no answer coming out. How old was I? It was one
of those things I wasn't sure of anymore, having been using different ages the past few
years. The paperwork Alec had gotten me with the identity of Isabella Smith had listed my
age as twenty-one, but I knew that wasn't right. "Uh, twenty," I replied. "Wait, I'm still
nineteen, actually." I tried to recall the date, wondering how close it was to my birthday,
but time was starting to evade me once again.
"So young and pretty," she said, smiling sweetly. "If it's about a boy, honey, trust me when I
say he ain't worth it. If he was, you wouldn't be here alone right now."
I smiled sadly, knowing she had no idea how wrong she was, but she seemed to take my
expression as confirmation. She walked off, laughing, telling me I was too young to let a
boy get to me, and said she'd bring me some fresh coffee. I cut a piece off of the stack of
pancakes and went to take a bite but hesitated as it struck me. Eighteen... I was really only
eighteen.
She returned to pour my coffee, warning me that it was hot, and I sat quietly taking small
bites of the pancakes. My appetite was gone but I knew I needed to put something in my
stomach, unsure of when I'd eat again. I sat my fork down when I was unable to force
myself to eat another bite and took a sip of the coffee as I glanced around the diner. It had
surprisingly started to fill up, the men sitting on the stools now discussing the second
amendment-the right to bear arms-and how important gun control was in America. Their
bickering grew louder and I looked away from them, but froze in shock and spilled my
coffee again when I glanced at the television. My stomach lurched at the sight of the
familiar man, my eye quickly scanning the caption on the bottom of the screen that listed
his name - D.O.J. Special Agent Joseph DiFronzo.
The coffee was still hot and my hand felt like it was on fire as it scorched my skin. I grit my
teeth, trying to ignore the searing pain, and the diner grew quiet as people turned to see
what the commotion was. The waitress rushed over to help but I ignored her, my attention
focused solely on the man on the television. I had a hard time catching the words, the
throbbing in my hand distracting me, and it suddenly felt like I was sinking under water.
"...issued a statement about the incident in Chicago ... ... it shouldn't have happened...
...embarrassment for the department ... ... raid turned deadly ... ... massacre at alleged mob
boss Aro Volturi's home ... ... largest single deadly incident known of in the history of the
Outfit ... ... infighting ... ... debate on how witnesses are to be properly handled..."
It hit me like a ton of bricks, my chest constricting as a picture of Dr. Cullen flashed on the
screen.
"...alleged mobster had been on the run ... ...warrant issued for skipping out on his trial for
RICO charges..."
"Oh God," I gasped as they showed a clip of a large mansion, dozens of police cars sitting in
front with yellow tape roping off the area.
"...rumored to have been a federal witness ... ... provided information that triggered the raid
... ... opened fire before police arrived ... ... mass chaos ... ... unsure of who the target was ...
... warrant issued for Aro Volturi, who fled the scene ... ... believed to be injured in the
gunfire..."
They showed a picture of Aro, a number on the bottom of the screen to call in case someone
saw him, and indicated there was a reward for his capture. I shuddered, feeling the tears
welling up in my eyes as I started hyperventilating.
"...seven dead at the scene, several taken into custody funerals for the deceased began
yesterday..."
I gasped loudly as a picture of Alistair flashed on the screen, followed by footage of several
others. Victims, they said, dead on the scene when police arrived. I stared in shock...
Alistair was dead?\ I didn't know any of the others, an alleged boss named Caius and other
members of the organization, none of which looked familiar. I was so stunned by it all,
overwhelmed and relieved that Edward apparently hadn't been involved, that I almost
didn't catch the next words that were spoken.
"...Carlisle Cullen's funeral is scheduled for tomorrow..."
I sat completely frozen in horror, and heard one of the men in the dinner sigh
exasperatedly. "Perfect example of why we need gun control."
"No way," the other man retorted immediately. "They're scum. They do us all a favor when
they kill each other off."
A loud sob escaped my throat when it hit me and I quickly brought my hands up to cover
my mouth, unable to contain the tears that started falling. I was trembling, shaking my
head furiously as it all sunk in. Funeral? Dr. Cullen was dead? It had to be a mistake!
"Isabella?" The waitress's voice rang out and I looked over, seeing she was standing beside
me. "Are you okay, sugar?"
She sounded concerned and I went to respond, but as soon as I uncovered my mouth
another loud sob echoed through the diner. I jumped up from the booth quickly and nearly
fell, my legs weak and barely able to withstand my weight. I pushed past her as I ran for the
door, completely forgetting to pay in my haste, and bolted across the street to where the car
was parked. Someone yelled after me but I didn't even turn around to look, fumbling for
the keys and jumping inside. I started the car up and pulled out, nearly clipping a pick-up
truck as I sped away. I could barely see the road through my tears but I navigated the
streets as well as I could from memory. I opened the center console to reach inside but
heard a loud horn blare as tires squealed and I glanced up, slamming the brakes and
swerving to avoid hitting an 18-wheeler as I drove straight through a red light. I cried out
and quickly pulled to the side of the road, out of control and frightened.
I shut the engine off and leaned my head back, closing my eyes as I tried to get a grip on
myself. I was in shock, the words of the news report continually running through my mind,
although I couldn't quite make sense of it all. How could he be dead? What had happened?
The news had hit me so hard I'd created a scene, after spending so much time trying to
blend in. It struck me that I was wearing Edward's football shirt with Cullen prominently
displayed on the back and I wondered if any of them had noticed it during my retreat,
worried they'd made the connection.
After my breathing was under control I reopened my eyes, wiping the tears from my cheeks
as my crying slowed. I reached into the center console and grabbed the small black cell
phone, calling the only number programmed into it. It didn't even ring, just went straight
to voicemail. "Alec Evanson. Leave a message."
The beep sounded and I tried to push back the nerves that always accompanied the call,
even though I'd gone through it over a dozen times the past few months. I sighed as the
lone word escaped my lips, the burn in my chest dulling a bit as another sensation settled
in. Through the shock, through the horror and fear, I felt the resolve.
"Chicago," I whispered.
My hand shook as I programmed the navigation system in the car, gazing at the screen as it
calculated the trip. 980 miles—a journey I could make in sixteen hours.
I finally had my destination.
The trip was a blur as I followed the directions, stopping only to rest my legs and grab
coffee or use the restroom. The stops became more frequent as I started growing
exhausted, needing more coffee to stay awake, and after thirteen hours of driving I was so
weary I almost nodded off while on the road. I swerved the car onto the shoulder and
skidded to a stop, nearly slamming into an interstate sign in the process. I was shaking as
the car stalled and I put it into park, running my hands down my face as I took a deep
breath. I needed to sleep, despite the fact that I didn't want to, because I knew if I
continued I was liable to cause some harm.
After my heart rate calmed and the trembling subsided I started the car up, pulling back
onto the road and carefully driving the few miles to the nearest rest stop. I pulled in,
parking the car in a spot in the back, and locked the doors as I reclined the seat. I closed my
eyes hoping to get some rest, but despite my exhaustion I couldn't seem to shut my mind
off. I kept trying to make sense of things, my heart aching as I thought of Dr. Cullen.
Unlike so many times before, when the incident where he'd punished me would come to
mind first, all I could seem to think about were the good moments. I thought about the
time he'd given me a picture of my mother, and the memories he'd shared with me of visits
I'd had with his wife. I remembered the holidays I experienced thanks to him and the
sound of his laughter when one of the boys did something amusing. The look of pride on
his face when Emmett and Jasper graduated high school was a sight I would always
remember, and I would never forget how he sat at my side and held my hand as the doctor
removed the chip from my back. I thought about the McDonald's he'd bought me that first
day, giving me my first taste of fast food, and how he'd handed over the keys of his
Mercedes so I could learn how to drive. He hadn't even been angry when it was returned
with a scratch on the side mirror, had simply had it fixed without saying a word. I thought
about how I'd woken up in Chicago after being kidnapped to find a concerned Dr. Cullen's
face as he checked me over, realizing in that moment that he genuinely cared for me.
It seemed as if over a year's worth of memories suddenly came flooding over me, and with
them came the tears again. Most of my significant moments, my firsts in life, linked back to
him somehow. I recalled the first time I laid eyes on him in Phoenix, the smile that curved
his lips whenever I made eye contact with him that afternoon. At the time I thought there
was something sinister about it, because I'd been trained never to look a man in the eyes,
but I realized now that he was smiling because I was brave enough to try. He saw my
strength and determination back then, and even with the pain and anger he felt toward me
for causing his wife to be taken from him, he couldn't find it in him to deny me a chance to
say goodbye to my mother.
I wasn't sure how long I lay there being assaulted by the past before I finally started drifting
off. Right before I slipped into unconsciousness Jasper's words came running through my
mind, ones he had spoken to me the first time he took me down by the river in Forks. He
asked me what my biggest fear was and I hesitantly told him it was hope. I was afraid of
hoping for more in life, afraid of being disappointed by failing if I tried. I asked him what
his biggest fear was, uncomfortable talking about mine, and he sighed as he answered. "My
worst fear is losing my father. I've already lost my mother because of his lifestyle; I don't
want to lose him to it, also."
Jasper had made me see that it was okay to want more in life, that taking a risk even if it
could hurt was a good thing. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. He had helped me face my
worst fear... it was only fair I be there to help him face his.
I was woken abruptly sometime later to the sound of a horn blaring and sat up in the seat
quickly, groaning at the stiffness in my body. I squinted, the sunlight filtering in the
window blinding me, and glanced around as I struggled to clear my head. The rest stop was
busy and I looked at the clock, seeing it was shortly after eight in the morning.
I used the restroom quickly before starting back on the road, desperately wanting to get
there. The last three hours of the trip seemed to go by slowly because of my nerves, but the
moment I drove under the large green sign welcoming me to Chicago, that feeling of
resolve returned. Alec had told me to keep going until I felt safe and to listen to my
intuition. Everywhere I went felt wrong, but suddenly, as I drove into the city, it started to
feel like I was exactly where I was supposed to be-where I was always supposed to be.
I recalled Edward's address and drove straight to the neighborhood in Lincoln Park,
slowing and parking in the first open spot along the curb when I spotted the house. It
looked just as it had the afternoon we'd sat on the porch, the door still worn and in
desperate need of a coat of paint. I sat there for a moment staring at it as my stomach
churned. It had been so long since I'd laid eyes on him and I wondered how he'd look, if
he'd be happy to see me or if he'd be angry I came. So many questions and scenarios
flooded my mind but I tried to push them back as I got out of the car, taking a deep breath
as I made my way across the street. I paused on the sidewalk in front of the house,
surveying the black vehicle in the driveway, and my brow furrowed when I saw cigarette
butts littering the grass in front of the house. Does he smoke now? What else is different?
I tried to push back my panic as I stepped onto the porch, but before I could even knock the
front door swung open abruptly. I froze, my vision going blurry as my heart rate
skyrocketed. My nerves and my hope battled each other for dominance as I saw the form
step into the doorway, but as they came into focus utter confusion took over. My brow
furrowed as I stared at the girl in front of me, my eyes sweeping over her quickly. She had
black hair and a deep tan, her body thin but curvy in the long black dress she wore. My
heart dropped when I noticed her hair was damp, as if she'd just taken a shower, and I had
to fight back sickness as the questions hit me. Who is she? Why is she showering at
Edward's house? Does he even still live there? Is she his girlfriend?
She didn't say anything as she stepped out onto the porch, pulling out a pack of cigarettes
from her purse and lighting one up. "Want one?" she asked, breaking the silence. I jumped
at the sound of her voice, shaking my head as she held the pack out to me, and she
shrugged as she put them away. "More for me, then."
"I, uh... is, uh... I mean, do you..." I started stammering, wrapping my arms around me as I
tried to keep myself from falling apart. A lump was forming in my throat and I swallowed,
trying to get rid of it so I could get my question out. I turned and looked behind me at the
car, briefly considering running away in panic, but before I could do anything she spoke
again.
"He's not here," she said.
"Huh?
"Edward. You know, the asshole that lives here?" she clarified, a smile forming on her lips
as she appeared amused by something. "He's not here."
"Oh," I replied, a bit annoyed at her words. Asshole? "How did you know I was here for
Edward?"
She laughed at my question like it was stupid and I blushed from embarrassment when I
realized it probably was. "You have 'Edward written all over you, girl."
My brow furrowed at her statement and I glanced down, blushing even further when I
realized I still had the same clothes on from the day before—Edward's football shirt from
Forks. She would've seen his name written on the back of it when I turned away from her.
"Plus," she continued, "I've seen pictures of you stashed in his desk drawer. Isabella, is it?
I'm Leah."
"Yeah, it's Isabella. Nice to meet you," I muttered, unsure if I meant the words as I spoke
them. I was stunned that she knew who I was, wondering what Edward had told her about
me, if anything. She smiled again as she dropped her cigarette to the ground, stepping on it
to put it out before kicking it off of the porch into the grass. I stared at the discarded butt,
wondering how many of them belonged to her.
"Yeah, you, too," she responded. "It's actually nice to see him get a visitor, especially one he
might actually want to see. He always bitches about people stopping by, which is a pity
considering how much work I put into keeping this pigsty clean for him."
I glared at her as her words sunk in. "Do you... live here?" I asked hesitantly. Her eyes
widened in surprise at my question and she laughed again, shaking her head.
"Lord, no. Are we even talking about the same man here? He's a pain in the ass. I can
barely tolerate him once a week-never in a million years would I actually live with him. He
pays me a shitload to clean up, though, so I put up with his attitude," she responded.
"Sometimes, anyway. Other times I can't help but tell him how much of an asshole he is.
Someone needs to tell him, after all."
"Oh, you work for him?" I asked after she finished rambling, trying to clarify. "Like, as a
maid?"
"Something like that," she responded, glancing at her watch. "Anyway, I need to get going.
Edward's probably with his family now, but I'm sure you can catch him later. If you want
to, that is. He's moody as hell, but I guess it's expected, given what happened."
"Yeah," I replied as she shut the front door and made sure it was locked before heading for
a car parked along the curb nearby. She hollered back that she'd see me around and I
waved politely, watching as she drove away.
I debated what to do before starting down the street to where I recalled the Evanson's
house being, wondering if I should try to check in with Alec. I tentatively knocked on the
door when I arrived, biting my lip nervously when I heard feet shuffling inside. The door
was pulled open after a moment and before I could even get a look at who answered they
grabbed a hold of me, pulling me into a hug. "Isabella!"
"Clara?" I asked with surprise, recognizing the voice. She let go of me to take a step back,
and I froze from shock as I gazed at her. She looked healthy, having gained quite a bit of
weight since the last time I laid eyes on her. She had on a dress with high heels and even
wore makeup, something I never imagined I'd ever see on Clara. "Wow, I'm surprised to
see you."
"I could say the same thing," she replied, smiling widely. "I didn't know if I'd ever get to see
you again! God, how I worried! How are you?"
"Okay, I guess," I said. "I mean, I'm sort of confused right now, but other than that I'm fine.
You?"
"Wonderful now that you're here," she replied, sounding elated. "It's been bittersweet
around here, with what happened to Dr. Cullen, but I didn't know really know him that
well. I'm grateful for what he did, though. For all of it. I never thought it would happen."
"Yeah, uh... exactly what did he do?" I asked, even more confused as to why she'd be so
happy. He was dead, having been killed with several others in a violent shoot out.
"You don't know?"
"I know he's gone," I whispered, choking on the word as I remembered Edward telling me
my mother was gone. I cleared my throat, trying to compose myself quickly.
"He freed us, Isabella," she replied with a sudden serious expression. "A dozen of us. He
spent months tracing who we were, and once he figured it out he told the police where we
could be found. Esme and her husband, they gave me away to another man over a week
ago. I felt betrayed, because I thought of Esme like a friend... I thought I had a friend. But
then I was just discarded, like I didn't matter, and I was devastated. I feared it was going to
start all over again, but then... then it happened. They came in the middle of the night and
the police took me away, and they gave me my identity back-all because Dr. Cullen had
given it to them. I thought the Evansons got rid of me to hurt me, but they did it to help me,
because if I was here with them the police wouldn't have come for me. They saved me,
Isabella."
I stared at her with shock, feeling the tears well up in my eyes at her words. "Me, too," I
mumbled. "They saved me, too."
"I know they did," she replied, smiling again as she pulled me back into a hug. We stood
there for a moment, embracing, before she cleared her throat and let go again. "It's really
great to see you."
"You, too, Clara," I said, smiling and wiping the tears from my eyes. "Where is everyone?"
"They've gone to the church already. I offered to stay here and help get the house ready for
the gathering afterward," she replied. "Are you going to the funeral?"
I glanced down at myself, cringing at my clothes. I definitely hadn't thought ahead. "I, uh...
I don't know."
Before she could say anything about it a white van pulled up in the driveway and she
sighed. "That's the caterer. Esme's been too busy to be able to do anything herself."
"I bet," I whispered, overcome with sadness. I hadn't even thought about how Esme was
dealing with everything, having lost her only brother. "I should really get going."
She smiled sadly as a man and a woman got out of the van and started pulling things out.
"Am I going to see you later?" she asked. I nodded hesitantly and her smile grew. "Good. I
believe Dr. Cullen's being buried at Mount Carmel Cemetery. I think it'll mean a lot to them
if you show up."
I nodded but offered no response, unsure of what I was doing. The caterer started carrying
things in the house and I slipped away quickly, headed back down the street where the car
was parked. I drove through the neighborhood, stopping a few miles away when I saw a
small hotel and paid for a night. I barely had enough to cover it, handing over my last bit of
cash to the worker. After I got the room key I started rooting through my belongings in the
car, groaning loudly when it struck me that I'd fled out of Ocean Isle and left my clothes at
the Laundromat.
I went into the small room and dropped some of my stuff on the bed as I surveyed my
surroundings. The room was shabby, the bland tan paint on the walls chipping, the bed
covered in a generic flowery bedspread. It looked almost like every other hotel I had visited
the past few months but, oddly enough, reminded me of the room in California Edward and
I had stayed in on our way to Phoenix. I smiled at the memory, recalling how happy we'd
been together then. It had all been just starting, a world of opportunities in front of us
where the sky was the limit. A world where I wasn't running from things, but Nothings.
I longed for that feeling again.
I took a warm shower, pulling on the only black dress I owned. Emily had picked it out for
me one afternoon when we'd gone shopping, saying every girl needed a simple black dress
in her closet. I thought about my friend as I sat down on the edge of the bed, wondering
how she was doing and if she worried about what had happened to me. I couldn't even
begin to imagine what she must've thought, what wild scenarios she would've come up
with.
I grabbed a pair of black dress shoes, also the only ones I owned, and slid them on.
Nervously, I applied a bit of makeup and jewelry, trying to look decent, and I gazed at my
reflection in the mirror for a moment when I was done. I was anxious and second-guessing
myself, everything overwhelming and causing butterflies to soar in my stomach.
I grabbed a phonebook off of the small stand in the room and browsed through it, looking
for the location of the cemetery, before heading out. The drive was a complete daze, but I
knew I'd found the right place the moment I arrived. The church service had already ended
and the cars were starting to pull up at the cemetery, a few black stretch limos and a hearse
covered in flowers parked along the winding road. Most of the vehicles were black, nearly
all of them identical Mercedes like the one Dr. Cullen had driven and the one parked in
Edward's driveway. I knew they were typical Mafia cars, the ones made men in the
organization drove. I hadn't considered who else would attend the funeral, but the thought
of having so many dangerous men in one location was daunting. The car I drove blended in
among the others and for the first time since leaving California I was grateful to not have
the Volvo. I parked away from them all, not wanting to draw attention to myself as I
nervously climbed out of the driver's seat.
I did my best to stay in the background, avoiding people, and stopped abruptly a few yards
away when my eyes fell upon the long gold-toned casket with a makeshift memorial of
flowers set up near it. The sight made my knees go weak, the entire thing suddenly
becoming real. Dr. Cullen's body was inside of that box, his heart no longer beating and the
life expelled from him. He was gone and the air seemed to be forced from my lungs at the
thought, dizziness overtaking me and blurring my vision. I took a few steps to the side to
lean against a tree in order to catch my breath, afraid I was going to pass out. There were
dozens of people dressed in their most expensive black clothing standing around, all of
them stoic as they quietly waited. I scanned the crowd as I composed myself, catching brief
glimpses of Esme and Jasper, but all of the others seem to be shielded from view.
No one seemed to notice my presence, even as they walked right past where I stood. I
wanted to go closer, desperate to see Edward, but my feet wouldn't move no matter how
hard I tried. The service started and I listened as the priest said some prayers before diving
right into Dr. Cullen's life.
"Carlisle Cullen was a loyal man. He stood for what he believed in and fought for what he
wanted. He was a husband and a father; a son and a brother. He was not a perfect man, he
made mistakes, but no man is perfect. We all sin, we all fall victim to temptations. Carlisle
was no different. Greed, lust, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy, pride— the seven cardinal sins.
He struggled with them, trying to balance the good and evil in his life, and many times he
failed. But just because he succumbed to evil, does not mean he was evil. He was a good
man. He was a doctor and impacted many people during his time on earth, saving quite a
few lives along the way. He is loved by many, and will be missed.
"He suffered on earth, especially after the loss of his beloved Elizabeth, and struggled with
despair. But Carlisle's suffering is over, and for that we must rejoice. He is with the Lord
now and has reunited with his wife in the afterlife. Carlisle visited me often right before his
life came to an end and we spoke extensively about the situation he found himself in. He
expressed great remorse for all of the hurt he'd caused others over the years, and because
of that I am absolutely certain of one thing-despite his flaws and mistakes, Carlisle Cullen
was a Man of Honor."
Sobs rang out from the crowd as the service continued but I couldn't decipher who they
came from, the sounds making my chest ache even more. When the priest finished, people
walked over and placed long-stem red roses on top of the casket, quietly saying their final
goodbyes. I caught a glimpse of Emmett and Alice that time, but the family stood in the
front and was mostly blocked by the others. Afterward they started lowering the casket and
more sobs rang out as people started tossing handfuls of dirt into the hole in the ground
before walking away.
I bit my lip nervously as the crowd dispersed, looking around for someone familiar, and
froze when Edward finally came into view. His back was to me so I couldn't see his face, but
I knew without a doubt that it was him. He wore a black suit and his hair was slicked back,
his head down as if he were staring into the hole in the ground. People spoke to him as they
passed but he didn't acknowledge them. I watched as Emmett approached, patting him on
the back, but Edward didn't even so much as flinch from the contact. He just stood there,
as still as a statue as everyone moved around him. It was startling and I watched warily,
everything else fading away as I fixated on his form. I heard a throat clear behind me after
a moment and I jumped as I was pulled from my trance, turning to see Alec a few feet
away.
"I'm glad to see you're well."
"Yes, I, uh..." I started, unsure of what to say. He was wearing a suit much like Edward's
and was eyeing me intently, a serious expression on his face. I immediately grew paranoid,
wondering if it was wrong for me to be there. He'd told me to stay away from Chicago until
the situation was handled and I wasn't sure if it was, panic creeping through me at the
prospect that I could still somehow be in danger. "I didn't know if I should... I mean, I just
thought..."
"It was nice of you to come," he said, interrupting my stammering as he walked forward to
stand beside me. He was quiet for a moment as he stared straight ahead and I turned again,
glancing back over at Edward. He was standing in the same spot, still having not moved at
all. "I apologize for not calling you to inform you of what happened, but I was arrested after
it happened and wasn't released until yesterday. By then you'd already informed me of your
intention to come, so I figured you were already aware."
"I saw it on the news," I said quietly. "They said there was a massacre."
He scoffed at the word and I glanced at him, seeing an irritated look take over his face. "It
wasn't a massacre. That insinuates it was unnecessary and random, but I can assure you
Carlisle knew exactly what he was doing. If it was a massacre no one would've walked away
from that house alive, but both Edward and I survived."
"Edward was there?" I gasped, horrified. "Did he see?"
"Yes, he saw it happen," Alec said quietly. "And as you can probably tell, he isn't taking it
very well. After Elizabeth's murder he withdrew into himself and didn't speak to anyone,
and it seems he's been dealing with his father's death the same way."
"Oh God," I said, the burn flaring in my chest and my eyes filling with tears again as I
watched Edward. He still wasn't moving, despite the fact that most of the people had
cleared out and they were starting to finish the burial. Esme stood beside him and I could
tell from her body language that she was speaking, but he didn't seem to notice she was
even there. "He saw them both die."
“He did.”
We were quiet for a moment as the implications of that sunk in, the two of us watching as
Esme gently rubbed Edward's back before turning to walk away. She glanced in our
direction, her footsteps faltering briefly as a look of surprise passed over her face. She
smiled warmly at me as she approached, pulling me into a hug. "You look great, Isabella.
It's been way too long."
Her words cracked as she spoke, her voice hoarse. "Thank you," I said quietly as she let go,
seeing her face was flushed. Her makeup was smudged, her eyes bloodshot from crying.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Esme."
"Me, too, sweetie. Me, too," she whispered, patting my cheek gently. She glanced back over
at Edward, frowning, before looking at me once again. "Go on," she said, motioning with
her head toward him. "He needs you. Make sure he gets home safely, okay?"
Alec put his arm over his wife's shoulder, nodding at me briefly before leading her away. I
stood still for a moment in disbelief, everything surreal as I stared at Edward. He seemed
so different, from his stance to the way he was dressed, all of it unfamiliar and confusing. It
was nothing like what I was accustomed to with Edward and I wondered if I even knew him
anymore, because it all felt so different. I could tell he was hurting from the way his
shoulders were slumped, his hands shoved into the pockets of his suit coat as he stood
seemingly oblivious to anything going on around him in the world.
I took a few steps in his direction but stopped again when he finally broke his stance,
pulling his hand out to run it through his hair. The movement caused strands to stick up
and I smiled inadvertently, something finally seeming familiar. He tensed up and pulled
his hand away quickly, flexing his fingers. I noticed a white bandage on it and wondered
what had happened, looking at my own hand instinctively and seeing the splotchy red
marks from where the coffee had burned me. Edward started walking in the opposite
direction and I panicked, thinking he was leaving, but instead he grabbed a rose from the
display and approached a nearby grave. He crouched down in front of the headstone and
lay the rose down on the ground, running his fingers along the words engraved on the worn
white marble.
I started in his direction again, my curiosity fueling me, but stopped after a few steps when
it struck me what it was. The night we'd played twenty questions in his room he'd told me
his mother was in Mount Carmel Cemetery, and it made sense that Dr. Cullen would be
buried beside her. My heart pounded rapidly and my stomach churned, suddenly feeling
like I was invading his privacy as he stood back up. The memory of him sitting in front of
his piano, slumped down and crying on the anniversary of her death came to mind and
pain ripped through my chest. I clutched the spot over my heart as I lost my breath again
and I immediately took a step back, but he must've somehow sensed my movement
because his body stiffened.
We both were silent, neither one of us moving as something in the atmosphere shifted. The
sun disappeared behind a cloud, leaving the cemetery suddenly encased in shade, and a
cool breeze blew through the area that caused a shiver to run the length of me. The air was
thick and I struggled to breathe as my hands started to shake. The keys I was holding
jingled and I grasped onto them tightly, trying to get a grip on myself, but the sound
seemed to echo through the desolate graveyard.
It felt like it happened in slow motion as he turned his head in my direction, our eyes
locking. I gasped as I finally got a look at his face, the deep frown on his lips and dark bags
under his eyes so startling it hurt. He looked weary, utterly exhausted, and the pain he felt
was clear in his eyes even from where I stood. His blank expression shifted as he stared at
me, different emotions flashing across his face that matched the ones I felt surging inside
of me. Shock, disbelief, confusion, desperation, fear, longing, hope, sorrow, grief... all of it
hit me at once as I stared at the broken man I'd once given my heart to but never got back. I
loved him, just as much as I ever did, and when I realized I was seeing that same feeling
reflected back at me, it all came together.
He loved me. Despite everything that was different, despite everything that felt unfamiliar,
the love was still there. Finally, something felt right again.
I broke my position and started toward him as he hesitantly took a few steps in my
direction. His movements caused me to break into a run, and I kicked my shoes off in the
grass as I sprinted for him. I was shaking and crying, ramming right into him as he braced
himself in an attempt to keep his footing. He wrapped his arms around me and staggered a
few steps from the force of the collision, tripping over something to send the two of us
toppling to the ground. His body shook violently as a strangled sob tore from him, and he
clung to me tightly as if his life suddenly depended on it.
Neither of us spoke, the lump in my throat making it impossible for anything to escape but
cries. I closed my eyes as he held me in his arms, another shiver running down my spine as
I took in his familiar scent. His body was warm and despite how fragile and vulnerable I
knew he was, I felt secure the moment he laid his hands on me. I felt safe, like all of my
searching and wandering had come down to that moment, in that place, where I finally felt
like I was at home again.
He was my home.
I wasn't sure how long we sat there in the grass between his parents graves, clinging to each
other desperately as all of the emotions came pouring out of us. All of the hurt, and pain,
and heartache were being expelled through each shuddering breath, and we gripped onto
each other so tightly I feared we'd both walk away with bruises. I didn't care, though—it
didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was him in that moment.
It could've been minutes or hours, but it felt as if time had stopped for us. We didn't notice
anything going on around us and no one dared to intrude, the only thing existing was the
two of us. His cries slowed eventually, as did mine, but neither of us were ready to let go of
the other. "La mia bella ragazza" he whispered, his voice cracking as he choked back
another sob that threatened to come out. The words sent a pang of longing through my
body and I closed my eyes as the electricity of his touch coursed through my veins.
"Edward," I said quietly, his name catching in my throat. He pulled back to look at me, his
face wet with tears, his eyes bloodshot and hair a disheveled mess. I reached up and ran a
hand through it, cringing at the amount of product that had been applied to his locks to get
them to stay down. It had always been so soft but it was stiff now, and my fingers got
tangled in it. "Your hair."
A sad smile lifted the corner of his mouth, and although he didn't respond I knew he
understood exactly what I meant. He reached out and wiped the tears from my cheeks, my
eyes fluttering closed from his soft touch. He ran his fingertips down my jaw line, his hand
gently exploring my face, before he tucked a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. "Your
ears."
I nodded as he gently fingered the earring in my ear. I'd gotten them pierced finally in
California, and Emily had bought me my very first pair of earrings as a birthday present. I
wiped his tears, exploring his face much like he'd done mine, and eyed the small scar on his
cheek peculiarly. I'd never seen in before and knew it was new, immediately wondering
what had happened to him. "You have a scar," I said quietly, running my pointer finger
across it. He sighed, leaning into my touch.
"You have a tan."
"You don't.
He cracked a real smile at my words, a surprising chuckle escaping from him as I smiled
back. I felt the blush rise into my face as he gazed at me, and he cupped my cheek gently.
"You still blush," he whispered.
"You still make me."
We were quiet for a moment as those words sunk in, his eyes scanning me curiously. "You
have make-up on."
"You're wearing a suit."
He nodded again, glancing down at himself briefly and grimacing. "I still don't like them,
but it's a funeral." His voice cracked on the word and he turned his head from me, taking a
deep breath as he tried to compose himself again. He was gazing past me at something, a
confused look passing over his face as he shook his head. "You wore high heels."
"I still don't like them, but it's a funeral," I whispered, repeating his words as I continued to
look him over. "You're not wearing Nikes."
"I wish I was. These fucking shoes hurt my feet," he muttered. I stifled a laugh at his words,
the sound of his voice causing my body to swell with emotions I hadn't allowed myself to
feel in a long time. It was overwhelming and confusing, the conflicting emotions leaving me
frazzled.
"You still say that word," I said, surprised at what a relief it was to hear him curse. It was a
piece of the Edward I loved, a part of him I remembered clearly.
"What word?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in question. I didn't respond for a moment
and he chuckled again, shaking his head. "I guess you still don't use it."
I simply shrugged.
We sat there for a while longer trading observations, and it seemed so trivial given the
circumstances, but I knew it was just our way of reconnecting. We were memorizing each
other again, becoming acquainted with the things that had changed in our absence as the
comfort and familiarity settled back in. Countless times I wondered what I would say to
Edward if I ever saw him again, musing about what he might possibly say to me in
response. I ran through hypothetical conversations in my mind, thinking of the what ifs,
but I never once considered that it would just be so seamless for us. It had been nearly two
years since the last time he stood in front of me, but in my heart it felt like no time had
passed at all.
We had both changed, but Alec and Esme had been right when they told me that Edward
would still be himself deep down inside. It was obvious, as I stared into his deep green
eyes, that there was a darkness lurking inside of him, the things he'd had to witness
haunting him, but it hadn't consumed him. It might have come close, but I could tell that
he hadn't let it completely take over his life. He had held on, and I don't know how he did it
or what he'd done to keep from losing grip entirely, but it was clear he'd fought against it.
Edward's spirit might have been broken, but his soul was still intact.
We didn't pry, neither of us asking for specifics about what the other had or hadn't done
during our separation. There would be time for questions later, time for long overdue
explanations, but for the time being we were just going to be. It was like meeting him for
the first time all over again, but knowing in my heart exactly who he was from the very
beginning.
He was Edward, and even broken he was beautiful.
"It's hard to believe you're really here," he whispered, pulling me back into his embrace. He
buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply, his body shuddering as he exhaled. "This has
got to be a goddamn dream or something. There's no fucking way you're really here."
"It's not a dream," I responded. "I'm really here." "For how long?"
I opened my mouth to respond, to tell him I would be there as long as he wanted me to be,
but before I could get the words out Edward's phone rang. A tension quickly swept over us
as he let go of me, reaching into his pocket to pull it out. His body grew rigid as he stood up
from the ground, motioning for me to stay where I was. I eyed him warily as he stepped
away, opening the phone and bringing it to his ear. He spoke quietly to ensure I couldn't
overhear and I frowned as a sinking feeling settled into the pit of my stomach. I knew the
easy couldn't last, and the bubble we'd tried to form would burst hastily as reality forced its
way in on us. He was still a part of that life, and there were things about him that I couldn't
be involved in—things I could never know. Edward harbored secrets that would never be
spilled, not even to me, and it would always be that way now. It was something that would
never change, no matter what.
I climbed up from the ground as Edward spoke to whomever was on the phone and quietly
gazed at the headstone that marked his mother's grave, reading the engraving.
Elizabeth "Lizzie" Cullen
March 1965 - October 1996
"Or pensa pur di farmi onore"
She'd only been thirty-one when she died, entirely too young to be ripped from the world.
Dr. Cullen had lived over a decade without his wife but his love never wavered, even
knowing there was absolutely no chance of ever getting her back. It had been the end for
them but he still held on to her memory, because he'd been so sure that she was the only
one for him. Their souls had connected to the point that even death couldn't sever what
they had shared, and I knew Dr. Cullen would've continued to love her as long as he
breathed.
I couldn't even begin to imagine how he had felt, wondering what it was like waking every
morning to face the realization that he'd never have it back, that he'd never feel the love he
felt with her again. As I stared at the gravestone marking everything he'd lost in life, I
realized that Dr. Cullen and I had more in common that first day in Phoenix than I ever
would've imagined. We'd both lost the will to go on; both had given up hope for more. We
both would've welcomed death to end the torture our lives had become, but we also both
knew that we still had things to do on earth, people to make proud. And we both fought for
that reason, for the ones we loved, and it was then that I realized we'd both finally
succeeded.
"Sorry about that," Edward said quietly, interrupting my thoughts as he stood beside me.
"It was..."
"I don't need to know," I cut him off, but I heard him mutter Alec's name regardless. He
didn't owe me anything, and I didn't want him to feel obligated in any way. An awkward
silence lingered as I continued to gaze at the headstone, and Edward sighed.
"Or pensa pur di farmi onore," he said, reading the line chiseled into the stone. "It means
'do your best to honor me'. It's a line from Dante's..."
"La Vita Nuova."
We both said it in harmony and I smiled softly when he looked surprised. "You gave me a
copy of that on my birthday."
"Oh. Right," he mumbled, a smile tugging his lips as something sparked in his eyes.
"Happy birthday, by the way."
His words caught me off guard. "Birthday?"
"Yes. It's the thirteenth today. You didn't know it was your birthday?" he asked, confused. I
shook my head and he muttered something under his breath as he attempted to run his
hand through his hair again, forgetting about the bandage and hair product. He cringed
and cursed, flexing his fingers again. "Did you at least remember your eighteenth birthday?
I feel shitty for missing that one."
"I did remember it," I said quietly. "But it's not your fault you missed it, I..."
I trailed off when he shot me an incredulous look, realizing how wrong my words seemed.
Edward had left me, run off in the middle of the night, and if he hadn't he would've been
with me for my birthday. Of course he'd believe it was solely his fault. "Well, you didn't
miss this one," I said, shrugging. "Besides, I missed two of yours."
He laughed dryly, shaking his head. "No, you didn't," he said pointedly. I grew quiet from
his tone, the tension between us growing further. "You wished me a happy birthday both
times. It was the only thing that got me through those days, you know. I was a fucking
mess. Do you know what I did on your eighteenth birthday, Bella?"
"No," I said hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer.
"Neither do I," he responded, shaking his head. "I went on a job and had to... fuck, I had to
do shit--shit I didn't want to fucking do. Then I came home and drank myself into a stupor,
and I can't remember a damn thing from that night-none of it. I was woken up the next
morning by a police officer here, in this goddamn cemetery, being berated for public
drunkenness and loitering. I didn't have a shirt or any fucking shoes, my face was fucked
up, and I had new ink on my skin. I got a tattoo that night, apparently had my ass kicked
and drove out here to sleep on my mother's grave, and I don't remember doing any of it.
Instead of being with you, where I should've fucking been, I was here. Who the fuck does
that shit? And when the fucking cop found out my name..."
He trailed off, laughing bitterly once again. I could see the tears brimming his eyes, his
anger flowing out with each word. I was quiet as he attempted to compose himself,
realizing he needed to get it out before it ate him up. "He found out I was a Cullen, so of
course I was automatically one of them. Carlisle Cullen's son, so that makes me the fucking
enemy. Tale il padre, tale il figlio. I was tagged a bad person right away, because no good
person would ever be involved in this shit. All it took was my fucking name and he had me
figured out, and the worst part of all is he was fucking right! As much as I fucking hated it,
he was right about it. I am one of them."
"You aren't a bad person."
"I am, Bella. You don't even fucking know how bad I am," he spat, hesitating before quietly
continuing. "You wouldn't be able to fucking look at me if you knew."
"You only did what you had to do, Edward."
"You don't even know what it is I've done!" he retorted. "What it is I've stood by and
watched without saying a goddamn word. How can you say I'm a good person when I've
watched people be fucking murdered and I just keep my mouth shut about it like they
didn't matter?! Like they don't fucking count, like they don't have families! What kind of
fucking good person does that?"
"Me," I said quietly, tears slipping from the corner of my eyes. I reached up and brushed
them away as he shot me an incredulous look. "Did you forget the story I told you about
Charles killing that teenage girl? He beat her to death and her body lay on the floor for
hours, and we all just walked around her like she wasn't there. After he got rid of her I was
the one who cleaned up the mess left behind. I stayed up all night wiping up the blood,
erasing the incident like she didn't matter, and it was like she never even existed afterward!
I did it, Edward. That girl is dead and I don't even know her name, and I never did
anything to help her."
He shook his head furiously. "That's different."
"How is it different?"
"He would've fucking killed you, Bella! You had no choice but to go along with it. He
controlled you!"
"And you have a choice?" I asked. "You're saying they won't kill you if you don't go along
with it, that they don't control you?"
"It's still not the same," he said firmly, the aggravation clear in his voice. "You were born
into that shit and had no say in the matter, but I chose this life. I gave myself to them
willingly. I chose to be this fucking person, Bella."
"For me," I said. "You did it for me, Edward. You didn't choose this life because you want to
do those things, or because you want to be that person. You chose it to save me, so /could
have a life. If nothing else, that alone makes you good."
"Good," he sneered. "You mean like my father was good? They talked today about how
fucking good he was, about all the people he helped and how his heart was usually in the
right place. Poor fucking distraught Carlisle Cullen, just making the best of the hand he was
dealt. They act like he's a fucking fallen angel and he's far from it! What about the bad? He
fucking helps a few people and suddenly all of the ones he hurt are forgotten? What about
what he did to you? What about what he fucking did to me? He opened fire on a goddamn
house with me there and I had to see that shit! Then he... then he fucking tried to... Christ,
he's fucking dead!"
He started shaking as he fought to keep himself under control, his breathing labored like he
was on the verge of hyperventilating. I reached over and started rubbing his back, my tears
steadily falling. He was hurt and angry, scared and confused, and I had no idea what to do
for him to make it any better.
"He's fucking dead," Edward repeated after a moment, his voice low. "He's gone. They're
both gone. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?"
"What you've always done," I whispered. "Survive."
"I fucking hate him," he continued, not even acknowledging I'd spoke. "He went out in a
blaze of glory, to get revenge for what they did to my mother and to try to protect the rest of
us, and I can't help but fucking hate him for doing it because now he's gone, too! He was
my father, I loved him! I didn't want to lose him! But now he's fucking dead.
"And the worst part of all is that I wasn't surprised, because he did exactly what I would've
done. I would've killed every single one of those motherfuckers for it. I guess the cop was
right about that, too. I am Carlisle Cullen's fucking son... I'm just like my goddamn father."
I gasped in shock as he grabbed a hold of one of the flower memorials that had been set up
nearby, throwing it as he kicked down another one. He started yelling profanities toward
his father's grave and I grabbed his arm, trying to get him to calm down. It was frightening
seeing him so out of control, his moods shifting so quickly that I had a hard time keeping
up. He shrugged away from me and quieted down after a moment but stood still, his stance
shifting back into how it had been when I first laid eyes on him across the graveyard. He
was tense, completely unmoving as he stared at the ground. It was like he was in a daze,
oblivious to anything around him.
"I'm sorry," he said after a moment, his voice calm and even, almost emotionless. He was
retreating back into himself, bottling it back up.
"Don't apologize," I whispered. He shook his head, reaching into pocket and pulling out a
silver metal flask.
"I owe you a lot of apologies," he said, bringing the flask to his lips and taking a drink of it.
I watched as he closed his eyes, his body shuddering. "Sorry just doesn't seem good
enough, though."
"Your intentions were always good," I said, not liking his self-loathing. He was beating
himself up, and based on his demeanor it was clear he'd been doing it for quite a while.
"How's that saying go-the road to hell is paved with good intentions?" he asked, laughing
dryly. "Makes sense, I guess, since I'm heading that way."
"Don't say that, Edward," I said.
"Sorry, you're right," he said quickly, taking another drink from his flask. "I shouldn't be
saying this shit to you. I just... I'm sorry. I'm glad you're here. You didn't have to come, you
know. You don't owe us anything, but it's good to see you."
His words were strangely formal, the emotion he'd had minutes ago gone. "It's good to see
you, too. I, uh... I've missed you."
"Yeah?" he asked as he glanced at me, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I nodded,

blushing, and a smile tugged at his lips. "I've missed you, too. You look good, tesoro."
His words caused my heart to act erratically, a fluttering in my stomach as 'tesoro' escaped
his lips. "You do, too," I said. His brow furrowed as he looked at me with disbelief and I
laughed. "You do. You look tired, though. What happened to your hand?"
He glanced at his hand, sighing. "Alec shot me."
"He shot you?! Why?"
"You'd have to ask him. I haven't talked to him since he did it. It was a fucked up night. He
shot my... uh, fuck. I don't know. Ignore me." He got quiet again and I knew he was holding
back, withdrawing into himself. "That's where the scar on my face came from, too.
Someone fucking shot at me."
I stared at him as that sunk in, frightened for his safety. "That's scary."
"That's life" he said, shrugging as if it weren't a big deal, but I knew better. "That's my life
now. Not that it matters, it is what it is. I deal with it. So, how's your life? How's freedom?"
"Freedom," I muttered. "Is that what this is?"
"Yes, that's what it is. You can go where you want to go, do what you want to do and be
what you want to be. You don't have to do shit if you don't want to. If you wake up in the
morning and want to go back to sleep, you go back to sleep. If your phone rings and you
don't want to answer it, you let it fucking go to voicemail. You could be a nurse or a cook or
a teacher if you wanted, move to Hawaii or fucking Utah if you wanted. I don't know why
the fuck someone would want to go to Utah, but whatever. The point is you can do
whatever you want to do. That's freedom, Bella."
Silence lingered between us and I watched as he took sips from his flask, his eyes looking
everywhere but at me. I could see the sadness in them, though, the disappointment and
yearning for something he felt he couldn't have. It made my chest ache.
"A man named Michael asked me out a few months ago," I blurted out. Edward froze with
the flask to his lips, cringing at my words.
"Did you go out with him?" His voice was apprehensive, tension and anger rolling from
him in waves.
"I thought about it. He was nice, an art student. I might've had fun with him, but I realized
there was no point in bothering."
"Why's that?" he asked as he glanced at me, raising his eyebrows curiously. There was hope
lingering there behind the sadness, hope that I knew even he was fighting against.
"Because he could never know me," I said quietly. "I had friends—I guess you could call
them that-but they didn't know me, either. None of them knew me. They don't know where
I came from or what I went through. They'll never know the things I've seen and I can
never tell them about it, because they'd never be able to understand. They think the world I
came from only exists in movies, that slavery disappeared a century ago and that the mafia
died with Al Capone, and I can't really correct them because they could never know what it
is I know. It's impossible for them to ever know Isabella Swan, the real me. They only know
the story, the cover, the girl I pretend to be, the girl everyone wants me to be. I can't just be
me, the girl whose mother was a slave and whose father owned her. They'll never know how
I got kidnapped, how I almost died, how I watched other people die. They'll never know
what you did to save me, what you sacrificed to rescue me. And they'll never know what you
lost because of me."
"That's the point, Bella," he said pointedly. "You don't have to be a part of that world
anymore. You don't have to be the girl who was a slave or deal with any of the shit that
came along with it. That's the reason we all fought for you, so you could walk away from it
and never have to look back."
"Don't you get it, Edward? That is me! I am that girl. I am who I am today because of who I
was then. I can't just not look back --what kind of life is it if I have to forget where I came
from? I don't want to spend my life running from the past and pretending I'm someone I'm
not. I just want to be me. I just want someone to understand me... the real me."
"You deserve more," he said quietly, the words laced with sadness.
"So do you."
"I chose this shit, Bella," he snapped. I flinched from his tone. "It doesn't matter why I did
it-the fact is that I did! This is my life, and there's no point dwelling on whether or not I
should be in it, because I am in it. I am this fucking person now. I made my choice!"
"Then why can't I? Why can't / choose? Why did you have to do it for me?" I asked
exasperatedly. He groaned, shaking his head.
"Because you're too good for this shit, Bella! You spent your entire life being pushed
around and controlled by motherfuckers; I couldn't just let you give up your future for
them, too. I'll be goddamned if I'm going to let you throw it all away because of me. I'm not
worth it."
I stared at him in shock as his words hit me, stunned he would say such a thing. "How can
you say that? I spent my entire life being told that I didn't count, that I wasn't worth it! My
father said it, his wife said it, his parents said it, and even your father said it at one point!
You were one of the only people to ever look at me and tell me I was worth it, to tell me I
counted, so don't you dare stand here and tell me you aren't worth it, Edward Cullen,
because you are!"
His eyes widened with shock at my words and he opened his mouth to respond, but before
he could get anything out I spoke again. There was no way I was going to let him tear
himself down when life tried to do that to him enough on its own.
"You wanted me to go out there and explore my options, go to school and find my place in
the world. You wanted me to make something of myself, to follow my dreams, and I did
exactly that, Edward. I did it because you wanted me to, because I owed it to you to try
after what you did for me! I liked it... no, I loved it! I loved going to school and doing art. I
loved having a place to call home. I loved getting to know people. But through it all I was
lonely. Do you know what it feels like to stand in a crowded room and still feel utterly
alone? Do you? Because that was how I felt without you."
"I can't just be something you settle for, Bella, because you don't think you can have more. I
would never be able to fucking live with myself if you gave up your future for me."
"Settle?" I asked incredulously. "You think being with you would be settling? Are you that
stupid?"
He gaped at me in shock and I froze briefly, stunned at my own outburst. He went to

respond but I continued before he could even try to contradict me again. "I'll always be a
part of your world, Edward, because Alec will always be a part of my life, like it or not. I'll
always have someone keeping tabs on me, making sure I don't break my silence. My house
got broken into the weekend of your brother's wedding and I couldn't even call the police to
file a report, I had to call your uncle! How do I explain that to people? It's not normal - I'm
not normal! I can't let anyone get close to me! Being out there in the world alone, spending
my life pretending to be someone I'm not and trying to conceal my past, that's settling,
Edward. Does it even matter what I want? "
"Of course it does, but..."
"There are not buts about it!" I spat. He sighed exasperatedly, shaking his head as he went
to take another drink. He was avoiding answering and I groaned at his evasiveness,
snatching the flask from his hand before he got it to his lips. He stared at me with shock as
I turned it over, dumping the clear liquid out before tossing it on the ground.
"I can't believe you just fucking..."
"Either it matters or it doesn't, Edward," I said, cutting him off.
He hesitated before answering, still appearing stunned. "It does matter."
"Then how can you not see that you took away from me the one thing I wanted most? You
made me settle, Edward, when you left me! All I ever wanted was someone to see me, to
love me, to understand me. You're the only person who has ever understood me, the only
one who can understand me. I don't have to hide who I used to be from you; I don't have to
pretend to be someone I'm not around you. You know me, the real me, the woman that no
one else will ever get to know. I wanted to be with you, I thought we'd be together, and you
left me! You promised me you'd never leave me, that you'd be there for me, and then you
walked out on me as I slept! You left me to do it all on my own when the entire time I
wanted nothing more than to just be where you were! You wanted me to have a life... how
could you not see that you were my life?"
I was shaking, stunned as all of the hurt came pouring out in my words. "I just wanted what
was best for you, Bella. I just wanted you to have a chance," he implored.
"A chance at what, Edward? Happiness? Because I hate to break it to you, but I was already
happy with you. If you didn't love me, that's one thing, but..."
"Of course I fucking loved you!" he snapped, cutting me off. His eyes were filled with tears,
some slipping down his cheeks. "I didn't want to get you killed! I didn't want you to end up
like my mother!"
"You're not your father, Edward, and I'm not your mother."
"I know that," he spat.
"Do you, really? You're so busy trying to stop history from repeating itself that you're
completely ignoring what your mother tried to teach you, ignoring what's right in front of
you!"
"And what's that?" he asked, wiping his eyes as he shook his head.
Fate.
"Fate," he echoed the word.
"Yes, fate. A smart man once told me there's no such thing as coincidence. Everything
happens for a reason, and it doesn't matter what we do; if it's meant to happen it'll happen.
Your mother believed that with every fiber of her being and it seemed to rub off on
everyone in her life but you! You came into my life because you were meant to be in my life,
Edward. It wasn't an accident that we came together, it was fate! Like I said, if you don't
love me it's one thing, but don't push me away because you're trying to protect me, or
because you want better for me, because you're only hurting us both doing so! I loved you...
no, I fucking love you, Edward Cullen. You can't fight fate because you'll lose, and you
aren't honoring your mother by ignoring it!"
I was frantic and wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to hold myself together but I
was on the verge of cracking. Edward appeared stunned as he stared at me in a daze, but
the moment a sob escaped my throat he seemed to be pulled back into reality. He grabbed
a hold of me quickly, wrapping his arms around me tightly as I came undone in his arms.
"Oh, tesoro," he whispered into my hair after a minute, rubbing my back gently. "I fucking
love you, too."
We stood there for a while clinging to each other again, before his phone rang and
shattered yet another moment between us. He groaned as he let go of me, reaching for it
quickly and glancing at the screen. "Sorry," he muttered as he flipped it open, answering it
with hesitation.
"Sir," he said, his voice even. He didn't bother moving away from me, his eyes refusing to
even leave my face. "Yes, thirty minutes, I got it. Yes, sir. I understand."
He hung up and slipped the phone in his pocket, giving me a curious look. "You have to
go?" I asked, worried. He nodded.
'You do, too. Apparently we're expected to show up at the fucking gathering or whatever it's
called."
"Oh. Was that Alec?" I asked, surprised when he nodded because it had sounded so serious.
"I thought it was, well, work. It sounded like, you know..."
He smiled sadly. "I know how it sounded. Alec is work to me, though. He's my boss first
and uncle second now, Bella. I can't exactly tell him to fuck off anymore because I never
know what's business and what's personal with him. I figure it's better to be safe than sorry
now, because I'd hate for him to fucking shoot me again."
I glanced at his hand instinctively, shaking my head. "I still can't believe he shot you."
"Yeah, well, / can. He's kicked my ass and threatened to kill me more times than I can
count, so it was only a matter of time, really." I looked at him with horror and he chuckled
nervously at my expression. "I deserved it, don't worry. I've fucked up a lot."
"How?" I asked, regretting the question the moment it was verbalized. I wasn't sure if they
were things he could share with me and I didn't want to put him in a predicament.
"I mean, if you can..."
"Maybe later," he responded, glancing at his watch. "We'd be here all night if I tried to
explain that shit to you, and I've only got twenty-eight minutes now to get my ass there.
Did you drive? I rode with the family but they just fucking left my ass here."
I nodded. "I have a car," I said, holding up the keys.
He smiled softly at me before glancing around briefly, his eyes darting between his parent's
graves. "Goodbye," he whispered before gently pressing his hand against my back to lead
me away. "I guess I was wrong."
"About?"
"Probably most of it, really, but I was referring to when I said you didn't say fuck," he said,
shaking his head. "I can't believe you seriously fucking cursed at me."
I smiled sheepishly and blushed, realizing I'd said it in the midst of my rant. "It just... came
out."
"Can't say I'm surprised," he muttered. He didn't elaborate further, remaining silent as we
walked through the cemetery. I showed him where the car was parked along the road,
tucked in near some trees, and he eyed the black vehicle peculiarly as we approached it.
"This is nice. 550i Gran Turismo, right?"
He glanced at me questioningly and I shrugged, having absolutely no idea. He chuckled.

"Well, is it yours?"
"Yes."
He nodded as he eyed the vehicle again. "What made you choose a BMW?"
"Uh, I didn't. Alec picked it," I said. "He gave it to me to drive when he took the Volvo from
me."
"He took the Volvo?" he asked incredulously. "What a bastard, he probably turned it in to
scrap metal. Man, I miss that fucking car. I'd give my left nut just to be able to drive it one
more time."
I laughed at his expression. "Me, too."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, an amused smile turning his lips. "You have nuts,
tesoro?" he asked playfully. "I mean, I know a lot of shit has changed, but..."
I blushed as he teased me. "I meant I liked the car..."
"I know what you meant," he said, interrupting.
"...and I'd give your left nut to be able to drive it again."
He looked at me with shock, not expecting me to say that. "Oh, I see how it is," he said,
laughing. "You'd just let them cut my fucking balls off? I'm hurt, Bella."
"I'm sure it would hurt," I said jokingly. He laughed again, nodding in agreement.
"Yeah, it would. A lot. I'd rather not have to ever go through that. They'd have to fucking
kill me, because I'd prefer to be dead than go through that torture."
I gazed at him with surprise, his words sounding eerie spoken aloud in the graveyard. A
chill ran down my spine and he cleared his throat, looking away as he climbed into the
passenger seat of the car. Neither of us spoke during the drive, the silence surrounding us
growing awkward and uncomfortable. There was still so much left unspoken, unanswered
questions lingering between us and making things tense. So much time had passed that I
knew it was impossible for us to just pick up where we'd left off, unrealistic to expect to
instantly have back what we had lost. It was still there, though, buried just underneath the
surface. It would take us some time to unearth it, to nurse it back to health, but with some
patience I knew we'd eventually be able to bring what we had between us back to life.
If he was even willing to try, that was.
Edward told me to park in his driveway, behind the black car that he indicated belonged to
him, and we slowly made our way toward the Evanson's house. Edward was on edge, his
hands shoved into his pockets and body extremely tense. He was quiet and kept his head
down, retreating further back into himself with each step. His footsteps faltered when we
approached the residence and I nudged him with my elbow, giving him a soft smile when
he glanced at me. His expression was blank and he looked guarded, the apprehension in his
eyes startling. He was obviously uncomfortable and didn't want to be there.
He walked up onto the porch and opened the front door without knocking, stopping after
taking a few steps into the foyer. I stepped in behind him and saw Alec standing by the
bottom of the stairs, looking at us curiously. He glanced at his watch. "Thirty-nine
minutes," he said simply before turning and heading upstairs. Apparently, we were late.
An animated voice carried out through the hallway as we headed toward the living room
and I smiled at the familiarity, recognizing it as Emmett's immediately. Edward paused in
the doorway and I stopped behind him, glancing past him nervously. The large room was
packed with people and I spotted Alice and Jasper right away, sitting on the couch together
holding hands. Rosalie was sitting in a chair in the corner but she was mostly blocked from
view by Emmett, who stood directly in front of her. Esme sat on a chair near the door
beside an older woman in a wheelchair, holding the woman's small hands in her lap and
smiling. There were at least two dozen others present, people I didn't recognize, but each of
them were smiling and listening intently as Emmett spoke. He was telling a story about a
fishing trip they went on with Dr. Cullen when they were children, about how Edward had
sneakily dumped out all of the worms they'd caught the night before to use as bait. He'd
wanted to free them, the irony of that not escaping me, and Dr. Cullen had been forced to
improvise to try to catch fish. He spoke of them chasing bugs around, trying to catch
crickets so the trip wasn't a total waste, and how Edward has just sat smugly on the river
bank, proud of himself.
I gazed at Edward and saw no flicker of emotion in his face, no recognition as Emmett
recounted the story. It was like he wasn't even listening, completely unaware that they were
even talking about him.
Emmett finished and Jasper immediately went into a story about Dr. Cullen teaching him
to drive, and how he'd made him so nervous he never wanted to get behind the wheel
again. Edward continued to stand tensely right inside the doorway, his hands shoved in his
pockets with his head down. He was distressed and I realized, looking at him, that he knew
exactly how I had felt when I was out on my own. He knew what it felt like to be standing in
a crowded room, surrounded by people, yet feeling utterly alone.
I sighed and slid my arms under his from behind, slipping my hands in his pockets with
his. I laced my fingers between his, holding his hands as I lay my head against his back. He
didn't move or speak, but his body relaxed immediately from the contact. I listened quietly
to Jasper's story before a woman I didn't know chimed in, telling a story of her and Dr.
Cullen dating when they were teenagers, before Elizabeth had ever come into his life. No
one noticed my presence as Edward blocked me from view, the two of us seeming to fade
into the background as we stood on the outskirts of the conversation. I was actually grateful
to feel invisible to the world for a moment, as long as he was right there with me.
Alec walked past us into the room as the woman finished her story, eyeing the two of us
cautiously before sitting down beside his wife. He took Esme's hand and she gave him a
watery smile, not even trying to ward off her tears, he motioned with his head in our
direction and her eyes darted over, locking with mine. Her smile grew a bit when she saw
we were there, and she only looked away when someone called out for her to share a story.
"Oh, wow, I have way too many stories of my brother I could tell. One that stands out
happened when we were kids, living in the house in Washington that Dad sent us to..."
She went on to tell the story of the time Dr. Cullen had thrown a rock at Jane, the same
story she'd told me the first time she visited Forks after my arrival. I listened intently, even
though I'd already heard it before, and everyone else seemed to hang on to her every word,
too. She laughed when she got to the part where Alec had stepped in, and looked at her
husband adoringly. He smiled at her, his eyes lighting up, and my chest swelled with
emotion as I watched the two of them. The love was easy to see between them, everything
melting away as they gazed into each other's eyes. Alec was always so unattached, cold and
calculated because of the life he lived, but when it came to his wife he was like a completely
different person. It gave me hope and I snuggled closer to Edward, inhaling deeply as I
breathed him in.
If Esme and Alec could find a way to do it, there was no reason we couldn't.
"That was my brother," Esme continued. "He did the wrong thing a lot of the time, but he
usually had a damn good reason for doing it. He was protective and wanted to help the
people he cared about. He didn't always know what to do, but he did what he could."
The room grew quiet with her words, a somber feeling taking over. I pulled away from
Edward when no one chimed in and felt him grow tense again immediately as I cleared my
throat. People glanced in my direction when they heard the noise, Jasper smiling as Alice
gasped with surprise. "I think I have something to share," I said.
"Izzy Bizzy!" Emmett hollered, bounding across the room toward me. He grabbed a hold of
me, yanking me completely away from Edward as he pulled me into a hug. I laughed as he
picked me completely up off of the ground, swinging me around in a circle. We nearly
collided with some people and Emmett laughed, not seeming to care. "I'm glad you're here,
kitten!"
"Put her down, Emmett," Rosalie said sternly, standing up. Emmett put me back on my
feet, smiling sheepishly.
"It's great to see you," he said
"You, too, Emmett," I responded. He stepped out of the way and I glanced at Rosalie, about
to say hello, but froze with my mouth open in shock when I got a good look at her. She'd
gained weight-quite a bit of it-most of which was centered right around her stomach.
"Oh my God," I gasped. "Are you..."
She nodded, smiling as she grabbed a hold of Emmett's arm and started tugging on it to get
him to go with her back to her seat. I was stunned... they were going to be parents?! Before
I had time to dwell on it Alice leapt up, squealing and hugging me. Her grip was tight and I
cringed, having never gotten used to how strong she was. Jasper pulled her away, telling
her she was going to strangle me if she wasn't careful, and pulled me into a hug himself.
"I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. "I'm so sorry he's gone."
He nodded, smiling as he let go of me. "Go on, Isabella," Esme said from her seat. "I'd love
to hear what you have to say about Carlisle."
Not everyone was as confident as Esme about hearing me speak. Alec was watching me
apprehensively and I noticed a few others were also, all of them likely well aware of who I
was and what Dr. Cullen had done to me. I took a deep breath, biting my lip nervously
before I began - l still wasn't comfortable with a lot of attention.
"About a year and a half ago I was living with Jasper in Seattle. I wasn't doing so well, I
guess you could say I was, uh... homesick," I started, glancing at Jasper. He smiled warmly
and nodded approvingly, and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew exactly
where I was going with the story. I looked at Edward and saw he was actually paying
attention, watching me curiously.
"It was my first time out in the world alone and I wanted nothing more than to run back to
what was familiar to me, and Dr. Cu—err, Carlisle knew that. I hit bottom one night and
did something stupid out of desperation, and he came to my room to talk to me. He told me
that he knew I was scared but that I needed to give life a chance, to show the world that I
could do it. He told me to show those who had doubted me that they were wrong, that I was
strong enough to make it. He said that after I did, if I was still homesick, he would help me
find my way home. He promised me that when I was ready he'd help me, even if it was the
last thing he did."
I paused, taking a deep breath. I could still sense Edward's gaze on me and glanced at him
again, our eyes connecting. "I know he thought he would have to break his promise to me,
but the truth is that he didn't, because Carlisle did exactly what he said he would. Now that
I'm finally ready, he helped me find my way home. I just wish it hadn't really been the last
thing he did."
A tear slid down my cheek and Edward sighed, still gazing at me. I heard Esme's voice,
followed by Emmett chiming in, but their words didn't register as I stared into the set of
swirling deep green eyes that seemed to beckon to me. He opened his mouth like he was
going to speak, but no sound escaped as he moved his lips. It didn't matter, though,
because I knew what he was trying to say. I didn't need to hear it - l could feel it, and I
could see the words in his eyes.
Welcome home.
Chapter 79 Forever
"It's all in the view. That's what I mean about forever, too. For any one of us
our forever could end in an hour, or a hundred years from now. You never
know for sure, so you'd better make every second count." -- Sarah Dessen
I stared at Bella in a daze as she started telling a story about an encounter she'd once had
with my father. The eyes of everyone in the room were on her and I could tell she was
fucking nervous, but she didn't shy away from the attention. Her voice was strong and she
looked so fucking confident, like she knew what she wanted to say and she wasn't going to
leave until she was done. It was like she was a woman on a mission and she didn't give a
fuck what anyone thought, because no one was going to stop her from doing what she had
set out to do.
It was new, nothing like the timid girl she'd once been who preferred to stay in the
background. This girl... no, fuck that... this woman spoke up when she felt the need, not at
all afraid to take a stand. It was confusing to me, because I wasn't used to it, but above that
it was straight up fucking sexy. She'd stood in the graveyard and yelled at me, demanding I
hear her out and see her point of view. She wasn't going to let me blow her off, and she sure
as fuck wasn't going to take any bullshit from me. She'd even cursed at me to get her point
across, the passion in her voice as she spoke her mind startling.
'I fucking love you.'
The words still echoed in my head an hour later as I stood in the crowded living room at
Esme's house. Despite my massive fuck ups and all of the pain I'd caused her, she still
fucking loved me. She believed we belonged together and she didn't give a fuck what
anyone else thought about it. Isabella was so sure about me—about us—that it didn't matter
what I'd said in an attempt to counter her words. I wanted to believe her, wanted to give in
and be just as fucking sure as she was about it all, but I was torn. I couldn't be positive that
I was right for her, that I could keep her safe or be the man that she deserved. I was a
fucking mess and could barely function on my own, and the last thing I wanted to ever do
was drag her down with me.
She turned to look at me as she continued to speak and our eyes connected across the
room. Everything else faded away at that moment, none of it fucking mattered to me but
her. "Now that I'm finally ready, he helped me find my way home," she said, the words
confusing me briefly before it struck me what she meant by them. A tear slid down her
cheek and my chest constricted at the sight of it, not liking the thought of her in pain. I
opened my mouth to speak, wanting to fucking comfort her, but no words seemed to come
out when I tried. I realized it didn't matter, though, not when it came down to it, because
she already knew everything I possibly could've said anyway.
It felt like hours passed those few seconds we stared at each other, silently trying to
reconcile the past with the present while coming to terms with what the fuck it all meant
for our futures. The moment ended abruptly when Alice called Bella's name and she turned
in her direction, breaking our eye contact. I noticed then that Alec was watching me from
where he sat with a peculiar look on his face, his stare penetrating.
His phone started ringing and I breathed a sigh of relief when he looked away from me,
uncomfortable with the fucking scrutiny. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen,
silencing it right away before casually slipping it back into his pocket. He sat still for a
moment, his expression blank and shoulders relaxed like he was at ease, but I could tell
from the way he flexed his fingers at his side that he was fucking edgy...
And Alec on edge was never good for anyone.
He put his arm over Esme's shoulder and pulled her closer to him, leaning over to whisper
something in her ear. She tensed up as she listened, immediately glancing past him to
where I stood by the door. As soon as our eyes met I saw her worry and my panic spiked,
every ounce of relief I'd felt a moment earlier washing away. Something was going on, that
much was easy to see, and based on Esme's expression I knew whatever Alec was planning
most likely concerned me. I didn't fucking like it but I wasn't exactly surprised, considering
my father had left some loose ends that I knew needed to be tied up as soon as possible. As
long as Aro was still out there my life was at risk; I'd seen and heard way too fucking much,
and I knew that anyone who was around me was at risk as well. Aro wouldn't give a fuck
who got harmed in the crossfire as long as he succeeded. His empire was in shambles and
he'd do anything to keep it from crumbling, even if it meant killing my entire goddamn
family.
I glanced over at Isabella again as my paranoia flared, on the verge of losing it when it all
started coming together in my mind. I had a fucking target on my back and her being there
was definitely not safe. We'd fought so hard to keep her out of the line of fire and she'd just
fucking walked right onto the battlefield, her life once again endangered because of me.
The fact of the matter was, after nearly two goddamn years of torture living without her,
nothing had really fucking changed. No matter how much I wanted to be with her, I
couldn't get her hurt and I sure as fuck wouldn't be able to live with myself if I caused her
death, but if she didn't stay away from me that was exactly what would happen.
She shouldn't have fucking come.
I stood there for another minute, my unease growing with each passing second, before it all
got to be too much for me to take. I slipped out of the room quietly, hoping to get the fuck
out of there undetected so I could clear my head, but the moment I stepped outside of the
house my name was called. I froze at the sound of the voice and glanced behind me, seeing
Alec who had apparently followed me.
"What are you doing?" he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I sighed, running my
hand through my hair anxiously as he paused beside me on the sidewalk.
"Going home."
"Home? You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?" he asked incredulously. I
shrugged hesitantly, having planned to do just that, and he shook his head in frustration.
"As many times as I speak to you about your behavior, you'd think it would start sinking in
by now. You have absolutely no respect for your family. You treat them like they don't
matter, as if they're disposable to you. How selfish are you? Do you even care what they're
going through right now? Your father is dead!"
"Because of you," I snapped, the words flying out as I lost my temper. His eyes darkened
instantly and he grabbed a hold of me before I could say another word, shoving me back
toward the house. I stumbled and nearly fell, but he kept a grip on me and slammed me
against the brick siding. He clutched my throat and pinned me there, cutting off my air as
he glared at me angrily. I grabbed his hands, trying to pry him off of me as I struggled to
breathe.
"If you know what's good for you, you won't ever speak to me like that again," he said, his
voice laced with venom. "Your family is already in enough pain. Don't make me give them
another reason to grieve right now."
He let go of me and took a few steps back as I bent over, gasping for air. "What the fuck," I
spat, my eyes burning with tears. I saw him start toward me again and I flew upright
immediately, holding my hands up defensively. "Christ, I didn't mean it! I, uh... fuck, I'm
sorry, sir. I'm just... I'm losing it, alright?"
"No, it's not alright," he replied. "Pull yourself together and go spend some time with your
family while you still have the chance."
"I can't," I said, shaking my head.
"You can't?" he asked with disbelief. "For two years I've been cutting you slack because you
couldn't get over Isabella Swan, and now that she's here this is how you act? What's wrong
with you? She's here because of you."
"And she shouldn't be," I retorted, still trying to catch my fucking breath. "It's dangerous,
Alec. She's going to get hurt. They're all going to get hurt because of me."
"You're avoiding them to try to keep them safe?" he asked, laughing bitterly when I
nodded. "Well, that's... honorable, I suppose, but it's also insulting. Do you honestly believe
I won't protect them? That I can't?"
"No, uh, but I..."
"There are no buts about it. Those people in the house that you care about? They're my
responsibility. Keeping them safe is my job, not yours. If I didn't know Isabella would be
perfectly safe in your presence, she wouldn't be here right now. If I thought you posed
some great danger to your brothers or my wife, I wouldn't let you within a hundred feet of
them. You aren't protecting anyone by pushing them away, you're only hurting yourself
doing it," he said, pausing as his phone started ringing again. He pulled it out of his pocket,
silencing it once more before putting it back away.
"Do you understand what I'm telling you, Edward?" he asked, continuing as if the fucking
thing never rang. "The odds of Isabella dying in an accident are far greater than the odds of
her ever being murdered because of someone as trivial as you. Because that's exactly what
you are-you're insignificant. No one's going to go after your family to get revenge on you,
it's pointless. They'd just kill you and get it over with. Do you get that? She could walk out
that door right now and get hit by a car crossing the street, and then you'd have wasted
your last chance to spend time with her for nothing. Most of us don't have the liberty of
knowing when our last breath will be, so while we're alive we need to take advantage of
every moment we can. Stop being so obsessive and appreciate what you're being given right
now."
He paused once more as his phone started ringing again, anger clouding his face at the
sound of it, but this time he didn't even bother looking at who was calling. "I have things to
take care of. Go inside and be with the people you love – the ones who love you" he said,
turning to head toward his car in the driveway. "You never know when you might only have
a few hours left."
A chill ran the length of my spine at his words as he climbed in his car, starting the engine
and quickly backing out of the driveway. I stood there for a moment trying to calm the fuck
down before the front door of the house opened. I glanced over and saw Leah step out,
reaching into her purse to pull out her cigarettes. She descended the steps when she
spotted me and lit one up, holding the pack out to me. I said nothing as I took one,
grabbing her lighter from her to light it up. The smoke burned my lungs as I inhaled, the
nicotine instantly soothing my frazzled nerves a bit.
"She's cute," Leah said.
"Who?"
"Isabella," she clarified, rolling her eyes. "Who else?"
"Oh, yeah," I replied, surprised by the topic considering I'd never even told her about
Isabella. I figured she'd fucking seen pictures around the house, given how goddamn nosy
she could be, but she'd never tried to approach the subject with me. "She's more than cute.
Little kids are fucking cute, Leah. She's beautiful."
Now it was her turn to look at me with surprise. "Did you just call a woman beautiful?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Never thought I'd hear it. Coming from you, I thought bitch was a compliment," she said,
shaking her head. "At least I know for sure you aren't gay now."
"Fuck you."
"You wouldn't have the balls to," she replied sarcastically. "Isabella does seem nice, though.
I talked to her earlier today. She stopped by your house when I was leaving."
"Did she?"
"Yeah, I told her you were off with your family. She seemed kind of put off by me at first, I
think she thought I was, like, your girlfriend or something," she said. I wrinkled my nose at
the thought, unable to even imagine being with a bitch like Leah, and she laughed as she
pushed me. "Don't even act that way. You'd be lucky to have a real woman like me. I told
her I could barely tolerate scrubbing your floors and doing your laundry, so there was no
way there was anything personal between us."
I tensed up at her statement, eyeing her suspiciously. "Did you tell her I pay you to do that
shit? That I don't force you to do it?" I asked, not wanting Isabella to get the wrong fucking
impression and think I had a slave in my house.
"Yeah. Geez, chill out. I told her you paid me good and that's the only reason I put up with
you," she said. "I swear I thought she was going to punch me when I called you an asshole,
though."
"She should've fucking punched you," I mumbled. "Someone needs to, anyway."
"Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes. "You don't want her to punch me because I'd have to
punch her back, and then we'd have a problem on our hands."
"A serious problem," I said, glaring at her. "If you ever laid a hand on her, I'd fuck you up."
"I don't doubt it," she replied. "You know, there's one thing I don't get, though."
"What's that?"
She smirked as she took a last drag off of her cigarette before tossing it on the ground and
stamping it out. "What the hell she ever saw in someone like you. I mean, seriously. You?"
I rolled my eyes, flicking my cigarette out toward the sidewalk. "Put that out for me, will
you?" I asked, turning and heading back inside. "You know my uncle will flip on you if he
sees any Marlboro butts in front of his house."
"Asshole," she grumbled.
"Bitch."
The house was still fairly noisy when I re-entered it, but the crowd from the living room
had disbursed for the most part. Isabella was nowhere in sight, nor were my brothers, or
Alice and Rose. I wandered through the downstairs and found Esme in the kitchen,
surprise flickering across her face when she spotted me. "'Hey, kiddo. I thought you left
with Alec."
"No, I just went out for some air," I mumbled, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.
My throat was throbbing and tender, probably already starting to bruise. I desperately
wanted a real fucking drink, something hard and straight from the goddamn bottle, but I
knew that probably wouldn't go over well with my family. "Is, uh... I mean, where...?"
"She's out back," she responded as she smiled softly, knowing what the fuck I wanted
without me even getting it out. "They thought you left with Alec, too."
"Thanks," I said, heading for the back door. I stepped out into the yard and spotted them
all right away, lounging on Esme's wicker lawn furniture and deep in conversation. I
strolled in their direction, suddenly fucking nervous again, but it all faded away when
Isabella glanced over at me. She perked up immediately, a radiant smile lighting up her
face as her eyes sparkled with happiness. My heart nearly stilled at the sight, and it took
everything I had in me not to fall to my goddamn knees right there and beg her to always
fucking look at me that way. I wanted to plead with her to never stop loving me, for her to
forgive me for everything I ever did wrong, even the shit she didn't know about and never
would. I never wanted her to be ashamed of me or to be disgusted by shit I'd done, and I
sure as hell never wanted to have to fucking see disappointment in her eyes. I wanted her
to be proud, and at that moment I wanted to swear to her that I would do any goddamn
thing she ever asked of me to make her that way.
But instead I choked back my emotion and kept my mouth closed, grabbing a chair from
the patio and joining them on the lawn. I sat down beside Emmett and directly across from
where she sat, my eyes fixated on her.
"Hey, bro," Emmett said, reaching over and slapping me on the back. "Back already?"
I shrugged. "I never left. I just went out front for some air."
"Yeah, I'm sure you went out for air," Rosalie said sarcastically from her seat on the other
side of Emmett. "You smell like smoke. It's disgusting, really. Jesus, go sit downwind from
me."
I rolled my eyes. "The wind isn't even fucking blowing, Rosalie. Shut the fuck up."
"Hey man," Emmett said, raising his eyebrows as he looked at me. "Don't talk to my baby
mama like that or..."
Before he could even finish his statement Rosalie reached over and shoved his chair, nearly
pushing him out of it. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" she spat.
"Shit, sorry, Rosie," Emmett said, shooting her an apologetic look. I shook my head at his
obedience and nearly asked him if she carried his fucking balls around in her purse now,
too, but figured I probably shouldn't say shit considering I was just as whipped.
Even worse, actually, considering I was whipped by someone I hadn't seen for two
goddamn years.
"You smoke?"
Isabella's soft voice captured my attention again, an inquisitive look on her face as she eyed
me. "Not really," I muttered. "Every now and then I'll have a cigarette, but I don't make a
habit of it."
"Speaking of habits," Emmett said, motioning toward the bottle in my hand. "Is that really
water, bro? It's not usually your beverage of choice..."
I narrowed my eyes at him, annoyed at the fucking question. "Yes, it's water," I said. "Is it
really that hard to fucking believe?"
"Well, yeah, it is," he responded, shrugging. "The only clear liquid you've drank in years is
Vodka."
"Bullshit," I spat. "You can't fucking say that. You haven't seen me much these past two
years."
"That's because you've been drunk the entire time," Rosalie chimed in, laughing
humorlessly. "You probably wouldn't even remember seeing us."
"I don't drink that goddamn much," I retorted, knowing it was a fucking lie the moment the
words came out. I'd drunk myself unconscious more times than I could count and there
were definite blank spots in my memory, entire days I couldn't remember.
"Did you drink at all today?" Alice asked from her seat beside Isabella. I ignored her
question, hoping they would fucking drop it, but I wasn't that lucky.
"Yeah, where's your flask?" Jasper asked. "Do you have it with you?"
"No," I snapped, glaring at him. I caught sight of Isabella from the corner of my eye and
saw the apprehensive look on her face, my stomach dropping. I was fucking lying and we
both knew it. "Bella took it."
"Kitten over there took it from you?" Emmett asked with disbelief. I nodded and they all
started laughing, my brother slapping me on the back again with amusement. "About time
someone did. And you really do drink too fucking much, bro. For real."
"Whatever," I grumbled, dropping my gaze to the ground. I didn't want to talk about it; the
subject put me on edge and ironically made me want a drink even worse than I already had.
I started rubbing my neck absentmindedly, my anxiety growing. "What is this anyway, a
goddamn intervention?"
"Maybe," Jasper replied.
"Well, you're wasting your breath, because I don't fucking need it."
"We disagree," Alice said. "I mean, you've always drank, but it has gotten worse. Even you
have to see that."
"Leave it the fuck alone, Alice."
She started to argue with me but Rosalie cut her off. "Let's just drop it," she said.
"Yeah, so he drinks. Whatever. It could be worse. At least he's not fucking around with that
Molly anymore."
A tense silence instantly fell over the area and I slowly raised my eyes to glare at Rosalie,
anger surging through me. She saw my hostile expression and blanched, starting to
stammer about not meaning it how it sounded as she turned toward Isabella, but I stopped
her. "Just... shut the fuck up, Rosalie. This isn't the time or the place for this bullshit. Talk
about something else, whatever you all were talking about before I came out here and
fucking interrupted."
"We were still reminiscing," Jasper said, casting me a worried look as he quickly tried to
change the subject. "Sharing some of our favorite memories of Dad."
"Well, then, continue," I responded, opening my bottle of water to take a drink. I was
suddenly fucking parched, my throat aching. The water was cold and went down smooth,
none of the burn or warmth I fucking craved accompanying it.
"How about that time we all skipped school to go down to First Beach when that big storm
was coming?" Emmett asked. I sighed, knowing exactly which fucking day he was talking
about as the others chimed in.
"None of us would get in the water because it was so rocky, but Jacob dared Edward to
surf," Jasper said.
"So fucking stupid," Rosalie muttered.
"He tried to ride that big wave but he miscalculated that shit and it took him under. We
were all panicking on the shore when he disappeared in the water," Emmett added.
"Oh God, that was scary," Alice said, remembering. "I thought he was going to drown. I
kept screaming for Jasper to go in after him."
"There was no way I was going in that water," Jasper said, shaking his head and laughing
dryly. "I told Em to go in but he just looked at me like I was crazy."
"There was no way Emmett was going in after him," Rosalie said firmly. "You had to be
brain dead to go in the water that day. Jacob dared his ass to do it, so he should've been the
one to go help him."
"Yeah, but Jacob was a pussy," Emmett added. "He would've drowned, too. Alice was the
best swimmer out of the group."
"Seriously?" Alice asked incredulously. "You expected me to save him?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Because she weighs like ninety pounds, Emmett," Jasper said. "She wouldn't have been
able to pull Edward out of the water."
"You think I weigh ninety pounds?" Alice asked, looking at her boyfriend with surprise. He
shrugged hesitantly and she smiled, linking her arm with his. "You're so sweet."
Rosalie groaned, rolling her eyes. "You're all idiots, I swear. Edward went into the water
willingly. Whatever happened to him would've been his own fault."
"There's no point in fucking arguing about it because I didn't need to be saved," I
interrupted. "It's nice to know you all would've just let my ass drown, though."
"So, you were fine?" Isabella asked curiously, glancing around as she waited for them to
finish telling the story. "What happened?"
"The police were driving by, patrolling the beach because of the storm, and they heard Alice
screaming so they stopped. About that same time Edward strolled out of the water...
naked," Emmett said.
"You were naked?" Isabella asked, stunned.
I sighed. "Yes. It wasn't on fucking purpose, though. My shorts were ripped right off of me
by the surge when I wiped out. It took me so long to come out of the water because I was
trying to find the damn things."
"Yeah, so Edward comes walking up on the beach completely naked the same time the cop
gets out of the car," Jasper said, snickering before adding, "and as if the situation wasn't
bad enough, the cop just happened to be female."
"She was stunned," Emmett said, starting to laugh. "She was trying so hard not to look at
his junk but he walked right up to her like it wasn't that big of a deal and just stood there
with his hands on his hips."
"And," Jasper chimed in again, "he bent over right in front of her to get a soda from the
cooler and even offered her one."
"That's not the worst part," Rosalie said. "The cop was already flustered and he starts
hitting on her!"
"I didn't hit on her," I said, shaking my head.
"Yes, you did," Alice said. "You asked her if she'd ever used her handcuffs in the bedroom
and made some horrible joke about your night stick."
I chuckled at the memory. "I was just fucking with her. I mean, she was staring at my
dick..."
"So what did she do?" Isabella asked curiously.
"She did exactly what she should've done," Rosalie said. "She arrested his dumb ass."
"You know, I fail to see what the fuck this has to do with Dad," I interjected. "We're
supposed to be reminiscing about him and not the shit I did."
"Well, he had to pick you up from the police station, didn't he?" Jasper asked.
"Yes."
"Well, there you go, then."
"He was so pissed, too," Emmett said. "We were supposed to be in school but he got a call
at the hospital that we all got picked up for truancy and Edward was taken in for indecent
exposure."
"Whatever. I didn't get charged with anything," I muttered, remembering how my father
had threatened to send me away for the first time that day. I'd embarrassed him, he'd said,
my behavior tarnishing his reputation. I hadn't fucking cared at the time, but as I sat there
re-living it guilt started creeping in. It was so fucking trivial, but he'd worked hard to turn
all of our lives around and away from crime, and I just kept drawing us all back in. "They
just told me to keep my clothes on."
"And did you?" Rosalie asked, smirking as she looked at me. "If I remember correctly, that
cop slipped you her phone number."
"She did?" Isabella gasped.
"Yes, she gave me her number," I muttered. "But no, I didn't fuck her."
"She just sucked his dick," Emmett replied, laughing. "That same night."
"No fucking way! Did she really?" Rosalie said, looking at me with shock. I nodded
hesitantly, knowing it wasn't one of my finer moments, and she groaned. "That's
disgusting."
"Whatever, Rose. Don't be jealous just because I never let you suck it."
"Ugh, that's sick!" she spat. "I wouldn't suck your dick with Jessica Stanley's mouth."
"Isn't she your friend now?" Jasper asked, glancing at Rosalie. "That's kind of harsh to say
about a friend."
"What do you expect?" I asked. "She's a bitch."
"Hey!" Emmett exclaimed, narrowing his eyes at me. "Don't say that shit about my baby
ma..."
"Emmett!"
We sat there for a while longer, the atmosphere growing lighter as they shared more stories
and we traded playful jabs. It felt like old times with all of us there, my disbelief still not
wavering as I kept my eyes on Isabella the entire time. She seemed at ease as she smiled
and laughed, but she didn't contribute much to the conversation except for a question here
or there. I wanted to hear her voice and listen to her stories, to know what she had done
while she was out in the world on her own. I wanted to know everything, a twinge of
jealousy brewing in the pit of my stomach when it struck me exactly how much I must've
missed. I knew it was my own fucking fault for leaving her, but she basically had an entire
life that I knew very little about and I didn't like that shit one bit.
Esme came outside and joined us when the other guests started leaving, sharing a few more
stories of her own. Every now and then Isabella would peek at me and her cheeks would
turn pink as she grinned sheepishly, hints of the timid girl I remembered shining back at
me. The sight of it gave me hope, something I hadn't fucking felt in a long time—not since
walking out that door back in Forks.
I got up to use the bathroom eventually, and when I returned I noticed they had broken off
into groups. Alice and Jasper walked off together, while Emmett sat alone talking to
someone on his phone. I strolled over and sat down beside him, trying to block out his
conversation so I didn't look like I was fucking eavesdropping. Rosalie, Esme and Isabella
were deep in conversation and I watched them, emotion taking hold of me again when I
saw Isabella press her palm against Rosalie's stomach. She was feeling the baby kick,
intense longing hitting me at the sight, and I tried to fight it off because I had no right to
yearn for that shit. I'd given up my right, had made my fucking choice the moment I swore
the oath to the organization, and dwelling on it now was a waste of fucking time. I couldn't
have the goddamn cliché life, with the fucking big house and white picket fence, 2.5 kids
and a golden retriever named Buddy. The world I lived in would always be marked by
violence and there would be no sunshine and rainbows, only constant storms off on the
horizon, darkening everything and threatening to let loose at any moment.
It was no place to raise a fucking family, that was for sure.
"So, when are you due?" Isabella asked.
"End of the year," Rosalie replied. "Can't come soon enough. I feel so fucking bloated."
"You look beautiful," Isabella said, her voice genuine. "You glow."
"Thanks," Rosalie said, smiling. "I seriously feel like a pig, though."
"Is it weird?" Isabella asked hesitantly. "I've never really talked to someone who was
pregnant before. Is it strange having a tiny person inside of you moving around?"
"Yeah, a little," she replied. "It feels kind of like my body's been taken over and it's not
mine anymore."
"I always wondered if it was like in horror movies, when the aliens take over people,"
Isabella said. "You know, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers."
Rosalie laughed. "Well, it's not exactly that extreme, but it's something along those lines,"
she replied. "It's nice, though, feeling the baby kick."
"Do you want kids of your own, Isabella?" Esme asked. I tensed up at the question, afraid
of her goddamn answer, and Isabella froze briefly before pulling her hand off of Rosalie's
stomach. We'd talked about it before and I told her I'd give her a big family, promising her
as many kids as she fucking wanted. It was before everything had happened, back when I'd
been naive and thought that we'd come out of everything unscathed. I wasn't sure what she
felt, if she'd even want that shit with me anymore. I realized I was getting ahead of myself,
considering I still couldn't come to fucking grips with her even being there, but I couldn't
help it. The possibilities of the future plagued my mind, nothing making sense anymore.
She could easily get up and walk away any fucking second, never again to look back, but at
the same time she could very well stay.
And then what?
"I did," she replied after a moment. "I'm not really sure what I want anymore. I mean, there
are a lot of kids out there now that need good homes."
"You know, Alec and I considered adopting," Esme said. "It's such a selfless act. I always
respected Elizabeth and my brother for making the decision to adopt Emmett. In our
world they place a lot of significance on bloodlines so many of the families we know
would never do it for that reason, but I think it's wonderful."
"You and Alec thought about adopting a kid?" Rosalie asked, sounding just as fucking
surprised as I felt. Alec being a parent was something I couldn't comprehend, his
demeanor entirely too fucking cold for it. He used to scare the shit out of me just walking
into the same room I was in when I was a kid. I couldn't imagine having to live with the
motherfucker.
"Yes, we did."
"Did you ever want any biological kids?" Isabella asked. Esme shrugged.
"When I was younger," she replied, "but most girls do, I suppose. I always knew Alec
didn't want any children, though, so it wasn't something I dwelled on. My husband, bless
his heart, is a good man deep down inside, but he doesn't come from the most loving
family. He said he doesn't want to curse a child with his DNA, which is crazy to me, but I
respect his decision."
She paused, sighing. "He used to feel strongly that the world he belongs to isn't the place a
child should be raised," she said, stunning me by verbalizing the same goddamn worry I
had. "He's softened on that view over the years, though. That's why we considered
adoption for a while, but I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed by now, too."
"It's never too late," Isabella said quietly. "You'd make a great mother. If you ever do
want to adopt, I might know a kid or two that would be lucky to have you."
Esme smiled warmly, pulling Isabella into a hug the same time Emmett closed his phone.
"Rose, babe, we need to get going," Emmett said, standing up and glancing around at all
of us. "This has been nice, hanging out again. We need to get together more often, not just
when... you know... something happens."
"Yeah," I muttered, everyone else murmuring in agreement.
They said their goodbyes, making Isabella promise to stay in touch, before heading out.
Jasper and Alice departed right afterward and Esme made some excuse about needing to
fucking handle things, scurrying away to leave Isabella and me alone. We sat quietly for a
moment, gazing at each other, the air between us growing thick with unspoken questions.
"Do you, uh..." I started, unsure of what to say or how the fuck we were supposed to start
over. "Fuck, I don't know. Do you want to go get coffee or something? Is that what people
do?"
She laughed lightly, shrugging. "I don't know about other people, but it sounds nice to me."
"Good," I muttered. My nerves were fucking flaring again, queasiness stirring in the pit of
my stomach. I was afraid to fuck up; worried I would say something wrong and ruin any
chance I had at fixing shit between us. I held my hand out to her and she looked at it
hesitantly, the apprehensive expression on her face making me second-guess myself. I
dropped my hand quickly, shoving it in my pocket when she didn't take it. "You don't have
to. I just... Christ, why is this so fucking awkward?"
"I don't know. It shouldn't be. I mean, it's just us. And it's not that I don't want to take your
hand," she said as she stood up. "It's just that you're injured and I don't want to hurt you."
"Oh," I said, pulling my hand back out to look at it. "It's fine, don't worry. You aren't going
to hurt me."
She bit on her bottom lip nervously as she held her hand out to me and I took it with a
smile, lacing our fingers together. I squeezed hers gently and winced as pain shot up my
wrist, my hand clearly not fine despite what I'd said. It still fucking hurt, considering I
probably needed goddamn stitches or something and I'd been too distracted to see a
doctor.
"It's fine," I said again when she frowned, noticing my reaction.
"What did the doctor say about it? How bad is it?"
"I don't know," I muttered, letting go of her hand and starting to unwrap the bandage.
"The EMT said it wasn't serious but I didn't exactly go to the hospital."
I held it out to her once I had the bandage off and she groaned, taking my hand. The back
of it was red and she pressed her fingers to the skin, sighing when I grimaced. "It's
infected, you know," she said. "You really should see a doctor."
"How do you know?"
"Seriously?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at me like it was a stupid fucking question.
"We got hurt a lot in Phoenix and we weren't allowed to see doctors, so we sort of became
experts at watching for signs of trouble. It's inflamed and tender and obviously not
healing properly, Edward. I've watched people die from wounds much less severe than
this."
"Oh," I said, looking at my hand and feeling like a fucking idiot. "Can't I soak it in fucking
peroxide or alcohol or something?"
"You're still so stubborn," she muttered, taking my hand gently so she was barely fucking
holding onto my fingers. "You could try, I guess, but it's better to go to the doctor for
antibiotics," she said, looking at me imploringly before adding, "so please go... for me?"
I sighed, resigned and partly goddamn annoyed that she still knew exactly how to get to
me. "I'll go tomorrow or make an appointment or whatever," I grumbled. "But not right
now. Right now I have a date... or whatever this is."
"A date," she echoed, a small smile curving her lips.
We headed around the side of the house to avoid having to see anyone as we left, because
I wasn't in the mood for their fucking pity disguised as sympathy. I was on edge as we
walked down the street, keeping my head down but acutely aware of every fucking thing
going on around us. It didn't matter what Alec had said, because I couldn't help my
paranoia. Aro was still out there, somewhere, and until I was sure that was dealt with I
knew there was no goddamn way I'd be able to relax.
Isabella went to cross the street as we neared her car but I stopped her, shaking my head.
"I need to change my clothes first. These fucking shoes are killing me."
"Oh, okay," she responded, following me toward my house. I let go of her when we
arrived and pulled my keys out, unlocking the front door and pushing it open. I motioned
for her to enter and she smiled as she stepped inside, her eyes darting around curiously.
"Uh, kitchen, dining room, living room, bathroom and laundry room or whatever," I said,
pointing out the areas on the first floor. "The room down the hall across from the living
room used to be my father's office when I was a kid but right now it's just full of boxes and
shit. I never bothered to unpack everything."
"Really?" she asked. "You've been here almost two years and you still haven't unpacked?"
"Yeah, I guess I've had other shit on my mind," I said, shrugging. "Anyway, make
yourself at home. I'll be right back."
I left her alone in the hallway as I headed upstairs and kicked off my shoes, tossing them
into the closet before stripping out of my clothes. I put on a pair of jeans and a green long
sleeved t-shirt, slipping my green and white Nike's on my feet before going into the
bathroom. I wet my hair and ran my fingers through it, the act making my fucking hand
throb some more. I rooted through the cabinets and found a bottle of peroxide, pouring
some of it on my hand. The wound burned and I cursed, blowing on it to try to cool it the
fuck down.
I headed back downstairs within minutes and paused when I spotted Isabella standing in
the living room. Her back was to me and I smirked when I saw she was staring at the
painting hanging above the piano, the one I knew goddamn well she'd painted.
"It's nice," I said, my voice startling her. She jumped and clutched her chest, turning
around to face me.
"I didn't hear you come back down," she mumbled, her eyes scanning the length of me
briefly before settling back on my face. I smirked at the attention, knowing she was
fucking checking me out, and she blushed at being caught as she turned back around to
the painting. I walked over to where she stood, pausing beside her as she spoke again.
"What do you see when you look at it?"
"I should probably ask you that," I replied. "Or actually, I should ask what you thought
about when you painted it."
"You know?" she asked hesitantly, looking at me with surprise. I nodded and her blush
deepened. "How? Did Esme tell you?"
"No, she wouldn't tell me shit. I sort of figured it out," I replied. "I actually flew to
California once I put all the pieces together."
"You did?" she asked, stunned.
"Yeah, but you were already gone," I said. "I met your friend Emily... I think that's her
name. She was sort of bitchy, I don't know what the hell possessed you to hang out with
someone like that, but she told me you'd left. She actually seemed worried about you, told
me if I ever saw you again to tell you to check in with her."
"Wow," she murmured, otherwise not commenting. She seemed deep in thought, her brow
furrowed.
"You know, it would've been a lot goddamn easier to find you had I known you weren't
going by Swan," I said after a moment of silence. "What's up with that, anyway? Why'd you
change your name?"
She sighed. "It was Alec's idea. After the federal agent tracked me down in Seattle, I..."
"DiFronzo?" I asked, interrupting her. She nodded and told me what had happened in the
park that led her to leave for California, explaining all of the shit Alec had done to try to
protect her while she was there. It finally made sense to me why he'd fucking snapped
when he found out I'd gone looking for her, and why he'd kicked my ass the moment I
returned.
"It was all pointless, though, because I was found eventually anyway," she said. "It's the
reason I left California."
"Agent DiFronzo again?" I asked. She shook her head.
"No," she replied, hesitating before quietly adding, "The Mafia."
My brow furrowed and I started to question her, wondering who the fuck had tracked her
down, but she cleared her throat and quickly changed the subject. "So are you going to
answer my question?" she asked. "I want to know what you see when you look at the
painting."
"I guess I see my life," I responded, glancing at it. "The music is like the good in my life,
shit that makes me happy, and the red sort of reminds me of blood and the other side of my
life—the part I fucking hate. And it's all hazy and mixed together, because no matter how
much I want to I can't fucking separate those two parts of me anymore. It's all just... me, I
guess. I can't do shit about it but deal."
Isabella wrapped herself around my arm and leaned her head against my shoulder. "How
someone views a painting says a lot about them, you know."
"So what does that say about me? That I'm fucked up?"
"No," she replied. "It tells me that you're still the same Edward Cullen that I remember, the
same person who swore to me that you'd never leave me."
I closed my eyes, my chest aching at her words. I'd fucking lied to her and broke my
promise, walking out after swearing that. "I failed you."
"No, you didn't," she said assuredly. "Because you're also still the same person who swore
that you'd do anything you had to do in order to keep me safe. It was just unfortunate that
in order to keep one promise, you felt like you had to break the other. That's why what you
said about the painting tells me you're still that same person. You're torn and trying to
figure out what to do with the pieces, how they fit together to make the big picture right.
You might not have it figured out, but you're still dealing with it the best you can. That's the
Edward Cullen that I remember, the one that I love."
I loosened myself from her grip and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a hug.
"Say it again," I murmured, burying my face in her hair and inhaling.
"I love you," she said without hesitation.
"Hmmm, say it one more time, but this time add 'fucking' to it again," I said. "That shit was
hot."
She laughed, shaking her head. "Now you're just pushing your luck."
"I had to at least try" I said, chuckling. "And I love you, too, tesoro."
We were quiet for a moment, just holding on to each other, before she spoke. "Valentine's
Day."
My brow furrowed in confusion. "Valentine's Day?" I asked, wondering what the fuck she
was talking about.
"Yes, Valentine's Day," she replied. "That's what I was thinking about when I painted it, the
night we spent together in Port Angeles at the George Washington Inn. You played 181h
Floor Balcony for me for the first time and you had all of those roses in the room, which is
where the music and red come from in the painting. It all twists together the way it does
because that was the first time we ever came together, the first time you ever made love to
me. And the haze over it all is because the night was, well... steamy."
"Wow," I said, stunned as I glanced back at where the painting hung on the wall. It made
perfect sense when she explained it, the significance of it making it even more special.
"I've never given any of my work away because it's all so personal to me, but that one was
just as much about you as it was about me so I asked Esme to get it to you," she explained.
"It was the first thing I painted in California. The assignment was to paint a depiction of the
best day of our life."
"That was the best day of your life?" I asked. She nodded and I hugged her tighter. "You're
going to give me a big head telling me that shit, you know."
She laughed. "You already have a big head."
I smirked at her words, trying to contain my laughter. "My head isn't the only part of me
that's big, Bella," I responded, the words tumbling out without much thought. She made it
way too fucking easy to relax and just be myself. She groaned and pushed away from me
again, but I could tell from the way her eyes seemed to instinctively dart down toward
my crotch and the blush that overcame her face that she didn't exactly disagree with my
assessment.
"I can't believe you went there," she muttered as she averted her gaze, trying her best to
hide her fucking face from me.
"What, too soon?" I asked, chuckling.
She didn't say anything, simply shook her head as she looked around the room. Her eyes
were drawn to the piano and she took a few steps toward it, running her fingers across
the keys gently. I tensed up, waiting for the noise to echo through the room, but she never
pressed down to make any notes sound out. Her silence made me nervous and I wished I
was a goddamn mind reader, but before I had time to ask what the fuck she was thinking
she blurted out the last question I expected to hear at that moment.
"Edward, who's Molly?"
I froze, caught off guard, and she looked at me questioningly when I didn't respond.
"It's okay if she was, uh... you know... I mean, we weren't together so it's not a big deal,"
she stammered, pausing as she grimaced at her words. Her reaction told me she was
lying, and that it clearly was a big fucking deal to her. I remembered what it felt like
when I worried she was out there dating and sleeping with other men, the very thought of
another man ever fucking touching her making my blood boil from rage. I clenched my
hands into fists, trying to push that fucking image from my mind, and Isabella tensed up
when she noticed my hostile stance. She looked at me with wide eyes and started
stammering again, telling me to forget about it because it wasn't any of her business who
I'd been with.
"I haven't been with anyone, Bella," I said, shaking my head as I cut her off. Confusion
passed across her face and I groaned, wishing I never had to fucking tell her about the
shit I'd done in her absence. I didn't blame her for thinking it was a woman, especially
considering how I had been before we met. Who would've fucking believed Edward Cullen
would've intentionally gone celibate? "Molly's not a person; it's what they call pure powder
Ecstasy."
"Molly's a drug?"
"Yes. I was fucked up for a while and got hooked on it because I was desperate to feel good
again. It probably would've killed me... well, fuck, it almost did kill me, but I'd definitely be
dead by now if Alec hadn't intervened."
"He got you off of it?"
"Yes. Well, no, you actually got me off of it. He had me listen to a message you left him,
about how you were settling in and enrolling in school and shit, and basically told me you
were adjusting to your new life and I was a fucking loser and disappointing you by not
doing the same." I paused, shaking my head. "Well, he didn't use those words exactly, but
that was the point that came across."
She stared at me with shock as she took in my words and I ran my hand through my hair
anxiously, worried about her response. "Did it work?" she asked curiously.
"Did what work?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion. "I told you I stopped."
"No, I mean Molly," she clarified. "Did it make you feel better?"
I sighed, looking away from her as I considered the question. I glanced back at the painting
she made, warmth settling in my chest at the significance of it. "Yeah, it did for a while, but
it wasn't real. No matter how fucking high I got, I never found the happiness I was looking
for. I never felt as good as I had that day in Port Angeles with you, and that was what I
wanted back." I paused, stealing a peek at her. "It was the best day of my life, too, you
know."
"Now I'm going to get a big head," she said playfully.
I smirked. "I got a big head you can have, tesoro."
"Edward!" she gasped. I chuckled and reached out for her, pulling her into a hug. She gazed
up at me, her eyes sparkling again with emotion. We stood there briefly looking at each
other, the air around us growing thick as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I felt my
heart start to race, blood rushing furiously through my veins as my body tingled from her
touch. Her expression shifted, a mask of seriousness overtaking her face, and my breath
hitched as her tongue came out to wet her bottom lip. I moved forward a bit, hesitantly, in
order to gauge her reaction, and her eyes seemed to instinctively dart to my mouth. I took
that as a sign and hoped like hell I wasn't fucking up when I leaned my head down,
brushing my lips gently against hers. She remained still and I started to back up, not
wanting to fucking push her too far, but she grabbed the back of my head to stop my
movements. She stood up on her tip-toes and pulled me back to her, pressing her lips to
mine firmly. Her mouth moved vigorously, her lips parting and tongue darting out to graze
against mine. I groaned as we deepened the kiss and pulled her tighter against me so her
body was flush against mine. She moaned, her hands gripping the back of my head and her
fingers lacing in my hair.
She broke the kiss after a moment and gasped for air as she pulled away from me, her
breathing shaky. Her cheeks were flushed and she brought her bottom lip into her mouth
nervously, biting down on it as she gazed at me sheepishly. I smirked and reached up,
running my fingers across her lip and pulling it from between her teeth. I leaned forward,
placing another quick, chaste kiss on her mouth.
"Wow," she said softly.
"Wow's right," I responded. Kissing her made me want more, my hormones surging fiercely
inside of me. I glanced at my watch, trying to calm the fuck down, and noticed it was
already a little after seven in the evening. "Do you still want to get coffee?"
She nodded so I led her to the front door, motioning toward my car in the driveway. "Do
you mind if I drive?"
"Uh, no," she said, shrugging. "Do you mind if we go by my hotel so I can change, too?
Dresses and heels still aren't really that comfortable."
I agreed and she gave me directions, my nose wrinkling in disgust when I pulled into the
parking lot of the small run down hotel a few miles from my house. She got out and I
followed her into one of the rooms, stopping right inside the door and looking around.
"You couldn't find a better hotel, Bella?" I asked. "Christ, this is horrible. You can't sleep
here. You never know who stayed in this goddamn room and what the fuck they did in that
bed. Shit, has this place ever even been fucking cleaned?"
She shrugged. "I'm sure it's been cleaned, Edward," she replied. "It was the first place I saw
and I was running low on cash. Plus, it looks a lot like the one we stayed in on our way to
Phoenix."
"Exactly," I replied. "We're lucky we didn't get any fucking diseases from that place. Never
stay in a fucking hotel that looks like it would rent by the hour, Bella. They're designed for
whores and drug addicts."
She laughed, even though I was being completely fucking serious. I didn't want her
anywhere like that. "Do you know how many hotels I've stayed in the past few months that
look exactly like this one?" she asked, her question confusing me. "I'll be just fine."
"Why would you stay in hotel rooms?" I asked, my confusion deepening even further when
I noticed she was rooting through a cardboard box filled with clothes that was sitting on the
floor. "And why the fuck are your clothes in a box? Don't you have a suitcase or a bag or
something?"
"No, I don't," she replied, sounding slightly annoyed at my questioning. "And I stayed in
hotel rooms because I was traveling. Or actually it was more like running, but you get the
point. I've been on the road since I left California, living out of boxes from the trunk of the
car."
"You're fucking homeless?"
"Yes."
"Why?" I asked, not understanding. "You couldn't settle down somewhere? Fuck, Bella, I
know you have money."
"I already told you why," she said impatiently. "The Mafia caught up to me and I had to
stay on the move so they didn't again."
"You really need to explain that, because I don't understand," I said, shaking my head.
"Who exactly is 'The Mafia', because I don't know if you're grasping it or not, but Alec is the
fucking Mafia. Shit, I'm the fucking Mafia, tesoro. Who exactly were you running from?"
She sighed as she stood up, holding a pair of jeans and a T-shirt in her hand. "Alec was
pretty certain it was Alistair," she said nonchalantly. "Anyway, I need to, uh, change, and,
uh..."
"Oh," I said, turning around to give her some privacy. She changed quickly behind me and
it took everything I had in me not to fucking look, the hormonal part of myself that hadn't
gotten laid in years desperate to see some skin. I felt like a fucking twelve year old boy that
got his hands on a goddamn Victoria's Secret catalogue, my dick hardening at just the
thought of Isabella stripping nearby. I groaned as an image of her naked flashed in my
mind, a distant memory of her from back in Forks, and I got so lost in the moment that I
jumped from surprise when she pressed her hand against my back.
"You okay?" she asked as I swung around to look at her. I nodded, my eyes raking down her
body instinctively. She blushed from the attention and mumbled that she was ready to go,
so I begrudgingly led her back out to the car... even though what I really wanted to do was
fucking throw her down on the bed and have my way with her.
Well, maybe not on that bed. I hadn't been kidding. The place was fucking filthy.
I drove through Chicago looking for a Starbucks, knowing it would only take a few minutes
since there seemed to be one on every goddamn corner now. I pulled into the parking lot
when I found one, parking the car toward the back and getting out. I opened Isabella's door
for her and she smiled sweetly, taking my hand as we walked inside.
I stared at the menu for a moment, having never been inside of a Starbucks before. "What
do you like?" Isabella asked. I laughed dryly and looked at her, shaking my head.
"I can't say I like anything," I replied. "I don't drink coffee. The shit's disgusting."
She laughed. "Then why'd you ask me for coffee if you don't like it?"
"I figured I had a better chance of you saying yes to something as simple as having a drink
than an actual meal," I said. "I would've taken you for a real drink but considering you took
my fucking flask from me, I figured that was out of the question. Wait, shit, do you even
drink coffee?"
"Yes," she said. "Emily and I had Starbucks pretty much every day in California."
I nodded. "That Emily girl looked like the kind of bitch that drank expensive ass coffee.
Christ, who pays five dollars for a fucking drink that doesn't have any goddamn alcohol in
it? That's crazy. For that price it better come with a complimentary blow job or something."
"Edward," she gasped, my rant drawing the attention of people around us. I muttered an
apology to her and noticed a man a few feet away was glaring at us so I narrowed my eyes
at him, mouthing 'problem?' He looked away from me quickly and I smirked, looking back
at the menu. "Do you see anything you think you might like?"
"I don't know, I don't know what any of this shit is," I said. "I mean, some of it's in Italian
so I can read it, but that doesn't tell me a damn thing about how it tastes. What do you
drink here?"
"Just a black coffee."
"Seriously? All this fancy caramel chai frappe cappu-fucking-ccino venti latte bullshit and
you get black coffee?" She nodded and I chuckled, pulling her hand up and pressing a kiss
on the back of it. She seemed surprised by the action and I tensed up, wondering if I wasn't
supposed to do shit like that, but when she smiled I relaxed. "And that's the Isabella Swan I
remember and love, the one who likes shit simple."
The bitchy looking woman standing at the cash register asked me for our order and I
muttered two regular black coffees, my expression daring her to try to correct me with their
lingo. She simply nodded as she rang it up, and I groaned when I saw the price. "I think I
have a few dollars on me," Isabella said, reaching into her pocket.
"Don't even dare," I said firmly, giving her an incredulous look. "I'd fucking rob the place
before I let you pay for your own coffee."
She pulled her hand back out as I grabbed my wallet, pulling out a twenty dollar bill.
The woman handed me my change, eyeing me warily, and I shoved the ten she'd given me
into the tip jar on the counter.
"That was a very generous tip," Isabella commented. "I remember how you used to be
stingy with tips when we went out."
"Yeah, well, I kind of just threatened to rob the place so I figured I probably shouldn't stiff
them on top of it."
"You wouldn't actually rob the place, though," she said confidently.
"No, I wouldn't," I replied. "Well, not as long as I wasn't ordered to, anyway."
Before she could respond our drinks were ready and I grabbed them, leading Isabella to a
table in the corner away from everyone else. We sat down and I took a sip from my cup,
gagging and coughing from the taste. "This shit is bitter," I spat, grimacing. She took a
drink of hers and shrugged.
"Tastes fine to me."
I dumped as much sugar in the fucking cup as I could fit, making the taste sweeter so it
was a little bit more tolerable, but I still had no desire to drink the shit. We sat there and
talked as she sipped her coffee, and I listened intently as she told me about her life in
California. She talked about going to school and doing art, explaining how she'd gotten
into teaching. She told me about the people she'd met and the friends she'd made, before
finally explaining in detail the events leading up to her leaving the state. She told me how
she'd wandered from town to town after that, feeling lost and confused, before hearing
about my father's death on the news and deciding it was finally time to come to Chicago.
"You know, it wasn't the first time I wanted to come. When I was in Seattle with Jasper I
was really upset and I ran out of the apartment in the middle of the night one evening
and took a cab to the airport," she said, laughing humorlessly at the memory. "I was
pretty out of my mind, hadn't slept in a while. I forgot to bring money for a ticket and
freaked out when security approached me. I ended up passing out and the police had to
call Jasper to come pick me up."
"That was dangerous, Bella," I said, angry no one had fucking told me about that. "They
could've arrested you for suspicious behavior. Airport security doesn't fuck around, you
know. Not after 9/11. Everyone's fucking worried about terrorism."
"I don't exactly look like a terrorist, Edward."
"Well, neither do I, but looks don't mean shit."
"But you aren't a terrorist," she refuted. "So, that sort of proves my point."
"No, it doesn't," I said. "It doesn't prove shit. I terrorize people."
"That's not the same," she said, narrowing her eyes at me as a look of annoyance flashed
across her face. "You're being too hard on yourself."
"No, you're just being too easy on me, Bella" I said, shaking my head. "You don't even
fucking know..."
"Then tell me," she said seriously.
"I can't."
"You can't tell me anything?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Or is it just that you
don't want to tell me because you don't want me to know."
"It's because you don't want to know, Bella," I replied. "Trust me."
"I'll trust you when you start trusting me," she said. "And I say I want to know."
I laughed dryly, aggravated by the sudden turn in conversation. "No, you don't."
"So you're just going to make my decisions for me?" she asked incredulously. "Still, after
what happened, you can't just let me decide anything on my own?"
"No, but I..."
"If you think I'm going to get up and run out that door because of something you tell me,
you're wrong," she said, cutting me off. "You aren't going to scare me away. I don't care
what you did, frankly. If you can't tell me, I understand, but don't hide things from me
just because you believe it's better if I don't know them. You did a lot of that back in Forks
and a lot of good it did us then."
"No good can come from you knowing the shit, Bella," I said. "You'll look at me and you
won't fucking see me anymore. You'll see them. You'll see the people I've hurt and the
fucked up things I've done, so excuse me if I sort of fucking like you seeing me and just
me."
She opened her mouth to responded but hesitated briefly, leaning her elbows on the table
and moving closer to me. "Have you had to, uh..."
"Kill?" I asked, finishing her question for her. She glanced around anxiously to make sure
no one was listening to us before nodding. I could see the curiosity in her eyes, but I could
also see the fucking apprehension and that was something I never wanted from her.
"Does it matter if I have? Would it make a difference?"
"No," she said. "Well, I mean, of course it would matter, but if you did, I know it was
because you had no other choice."
"Then why are you asking?"
"I don't know," she said. "I just want to know, I guess."
"No."
She looked at me cautiously. 'You aren't going to tell me?"
I sighed. "No, that's the answer, Bella. No."
"Oh." She was quiet for a moment as she sat there, appearing deep in thought. "Is that
what you see when you look in the mirror? The people you've hurt?"
"Yes," I replied. "It's hard to see the good when there's so much fucking bad."
"I see the good," she said, smiling softly as she gazed at me. "It might help you to talk to
someone, though. You've been through a lot. It doesn't help to keep it all bottled in."
"I'm still not going to tell you the shit," I replied, shaking my head.
"I know," she said. "You're stubborn. I meant like, a professional."
My brow furrowed. "Are you suggesting I go to a shrink?"
She shrugged. "Something like that," she replied. "I mean I know there are things you
can't tell them but that doesn't mean they couldn't help at all. That mobster guy in
'Analyze That' went to a psychiatrist and Tony Soprano did, too, when he was having
panic attacks."
I smirked when it struck me what the fuck she'd said, and I tried to contain my
amusement because I knew she was being serious, but I couldn't help it. I started
laughing and she looked at me questioningly, a blush overcoming her face. "Aw, don't be
embarrassed," I said, reaching across the table and cupping her cheek. It was warm
against my palm and she leaned into my touch, smiling sheepishly. "It's sweet of you to
worry, but this isn't like the movies and TV, tesoro. We can't do that shit in real life."
She didn't respond and I started moving my thumb, stroking her cheek softly. "You know,
the night I ran off to the airport, that's when your father promised he'd help me get to
Chicago when I was ready."
"Well, I'm glad he did," I replied. "I'm happy you're here."
"Me, too."
I quickly changed the subject and told her about school, how I'd gotten my GED so I could
enroll in some classes for musical education. The sun set by the time we left the Starbucks,
darkness surrounding everything outside. I held her hand as we strolled through the
parking lot toward the car, the atmosphere between us light once again. It felt like a weight
had been lifted from my chest, my world just a little goddamn brighter since she'd walked
back into it.
The carefree feeling didn't last, though—not that I'd actually expected it to. We made it
back to my house and I asked if she wanted to watch a movie, but we barely made it
through opening credits before my phone started ringing.
I pulled it out hesitantly and glanced at it, tensing up when I saw Alec's name flashing on
the screen. I sighed and opened it, bringing it to my ear as I answered the call.
"Sir?"
"Be in front of my house in five minutes," he said calmly. "Come prepared."
"Yes, sir," I grumbled, but responding was pointless because he'd fucking already hung up.
I slipped the phone back in my pocket and looked at Bella, running my hand through my
hair anxiously.
"You have to go," she said quietly, a tinge of sadness in her voice. I nodded and she forced a
smile. "I understand."
She started to stand up but I grabbed her arm to stop her. "No, don't go," I said. She looked
at me with confusion and I sighed, letting go of her. "I just... fuck. Just stay, okay?"
"I don't know," she said hesitantly. "It's late. I should probably get back to my hotel,
anyway."
I groaned loudly, the noise coming out sounding like a fucking growl. "That hotel is the last
place you should be going to, Bella" I said. "I don't want you staying there."
"Edward..."
"Look, I'm not telling you what to do," I said, realizing that was exactly what it fucking
sounded like I was doing. "If you want to go, tesoro, then by all means go. I just would
rather you stay here."
"I, uh..." she started, but she trailed off when my phone started ringing again. I realized
five minutes had probably already fucking passed and I cursed, pulling it out and
opening it quickly.
"I'm coming, sir."
"Now Edward," he barked before hanging up.
I slipped the phone back in my pocket as I stood up, eyeing her carefully. "Just... wait for
me, okay?"
She didn't say a word but she also made no move to leave, so I wasn't sure what the fuck
she was thinking. I didn't have time to stick around and figure it out, though, so I gave
her one last look before I bolted for the door. I stepped outside as a memory hit me, the
last time I'd said those words to her running through my mind. My phone had rung in the
middle of our conversation and I'd had to excuse myself because it was Aro, but before I
did I had asked her to wait for me. I wanted her to stay, to give me a chance to finish
what we'd started so we could fix things between us, but when I turned back around that
day she'd already been gone. She hadn't waited for me.
I glanced behind me at the house as I headed down the street, hoping like hell she'd
fucking wait this time.
My phone was ringing again by the time I reached Alec's, but I didn't bother answering it
since I was already so close. His car was parked along the curb in front of their house, the
headlights blacked out but the engine running. I climbed in the passenger side and gave
him a cautious glance, seeing the look of impatience on his face, and tensed up in
anticipation of him fucking snapping at me. He closed his phone and mine instantly
stopped ringing, but he didn't say a word to me about it as he put his away.
He pulled from the curb and sped down the street, waiting until he was a block away
before he flipped his headlights on. I noticed he was wearing black leather gloves, and I
instantly knew something serious was going down. "I hope you had a nice time with
Isabella tonight," he said, shattering the tense silence.
"Uh, yeah, I did," I replied, hesitating. "And thank you for everything you did for her. She
told me about it all."
"There's no reason to thank me," he said coolly. "I was only doing the job that was given
to me, Edward. That's what we do. Our personal feelings are irrelevant. We follow orders
and one thing you should know about me by now—one thing I hope you respect me for—is
the fact that I don't fail when I'm given a task. Ever."
I nodded. "Yes, sir."
"And I didn't want to have to interrupt your evening, but it was time," he said. I glanced
at him warily, wondering what fucking time it was, but he didn't elaborate and I knew
better than to question him.
He drove without saying another word, a bad feeling seeping into the pit of my stomach
when we approached a rough part of town. The area was fairly deserted except for the
occasional scraggly passer-by strolling down the sidewalk, the street aligned on both
sides with old condemned buildings covered in graffiti. It was gang territory, the part of
town they hung out in and battled each other for control of corners that no one really
wanted to fucking control in the first place. They killed each other for the fuck of it, for
dominance, when there was nothing in that side of town for them to actually goddamn
dominate. Drugs and sex were their game, but it wasn't a business La Cosa Nostra made a
habit of dealing in, so needless to say we really had no reason to ever venture into that
part of town.
The fact that we were there didn't sit well with me, my hands starting to shake from my
nerves. I reached under my shirt and felt my gun secured in my waistband, my thumb
flicking the safety off cautiously just in case.
"Do the young thugs in this neighborhood scare you?" Alec asked, noticing my movement.
"No," I replied quietly. "I just know that anyone who comes to this side of town is up to no
good."
"True," he responded, pausing before adding, "It'll be over quick."
His cryptic words sent a chill down my spine, my heart pounding furiously in my chest. He
neared the end of the street we were on and took a left onto another narrow road, stopping
the car halfway down. He shut the engine off and opened his door, hesitating as he glanced
at me. "Leave your gun in the car."
"Excuse me?" I asked incredulously, knowing I had to have fucking heard him wrong. He'd
told me to come prepared on the phone and now he was telling me to leave the gun behind,
but that was the last goddamn thing I wanted to do. Something was off, I could sense it,
and me being unprotected was as good as asking to be fucking killed.
"You heard what I said," he said firmly. "Don't question me. Just do it."
He was glaring at me, his expression telling me he meant business. He sighed
exasperatedly after a moment, his patience running out, and I quickly grabbed the gun
from my waist and opened the glove box to shove it inside. I knew if I hadn't done it he
would've, and he probably would've hit me with it a few times out of frustration for making
him.
I hesitantly got out of the car afterward and followed him across the street to a rundown
wooden house. It looked like it hadn't been inhabited in decades, the shutters barely
hanging on their hinges and old wooden boards nailed up along the window panes, the
glass long gone. We stepped onto the porch and Alec knocked twice on the large door, but
before he could knock a third time it was yanked open. Alec walked in and I followed him
cautiously, my eyes falling upon an Italian man right inside the front door. He was older
than me, probably around Alec's age, and was familiar, definitely a friend of ours in the
organization but one whose name I didn't fucking know. He held his gun in his hand
defensively, on edge, but he lowered it and seemed to relax a bit when Alec nodded at him.
Their silent exchange made me feel queasy, the bad feeling nearly fucking overpowering me
when the man looked past Alec and his eyes connected with mine. He smiled wickedly, the
maliciousness behind it instantly telling me that something was really fucking wrong.
I quickly tried to sort through my thoughts and make sense of what the fuck was
happening, briefly considering bolting back out the door while I still had the chance. I
wondered how far I could get, especially without a weapon, but the train of thought was
senseless because I knew I'd get caught before I even made it out off of the porch. And
running would surely fucking get me killed, the act alone enough to make me look like a
traitor. I realized as the man stared at me that I needed to stay calm, to fucking play cool
and not let them see my fear, even if that was exactly what I felt.
I was fucking terrified.
Alec grabbed my arm as he shut the front door, pushing me toward the staircase that the
man started heading up. No one said a fucking word, no instructions given as I
begrudgingly climbed them behind him with Alec right on my trail. I felt like goddamn
cattle being herded as I followed the man down a hallway and into a room, freezing in
horror as soon as I stepped in the doorway. I grew dizzy, my vision blurring and my
knees going weak at what I saw inside. My breathing accelerated and I was on the verge
of hyperventilating, the fear crippling me. I nearly fucking collapsed but Alec grabbed a
hold of me, keeping me on my feet as he pushed me further into the room.
The pieces seemed to click together perfectly in an instant, forming the last picture I ever
wanted to fucking see. I should've sensed it earlier, should've known what was
happening. The signs were all there but I was either too blind or too goddamn naive to
want to believe it could be true. The look on Esme's face... Alec's words... "You never know
when you might only have a few hours left." "It's time." "It'll be over quick." The moment
he told me to leave the gun in the car I should've known what this was and exactly what I
would find inside the house...
My demise.
As my eyes met the pair of dark, cold brown ones across the room, it all fucking made
sense finally. Alec had told me not to worry about retaliation from Aro, because the entire
goddamn time he'd been planning to take me straight to him.
Aro stood in the corner of the room, near a shattered window with a single board nailed
over it. Moonlight filtered inside, giving me barely enough light to see him clearly. He
appeared disheveled and exhausted, his right arm bandaged sloppily and in a sling. He
took a few steps in our direction, his movements rigid like he couldn't fucking bend his
knee. He'd definitely been seriously injured and had gotten care outside of a hospital, but
he was obviously still quite fucked up.
"It's about time," his raspy voice called out, his eyes trained on me as the other man
strolled over to the window.
"I apologize for being late, sir, but you know how Mr. Cullen can be," Alec said coolly
behind me.
"Yes, I know exactly how he can be," Aro responded angrily. "He doesn't listen and he
doesn't follow orders. You tell him to do something and he disregards it. He seems to
think he knows better than everyone else, like he's above us all and doesn't have to fall
into line."
"He is his father's son," Alec said. I sensed something in his voice that was a lot like
fucking sarcasm, which confused me because Alec was not a sarcastic motherfucker. He
was straight-forward and always told the truth, no matter how hard that shit was to
hear, but still... there was something there. I started to turn around to look at him but he
grabbed the back of my neck roughly, keeping me in position when he saw me try to
move. I saw rage flash in Aro's expression at the mention of my father and I started
shaking, my eyes darting around the room carefully, my brain working a million miles a
fucking minute as I tried to think of some way out. I was unarmed and outnumbered,
everyone in the room clearly having more experience than me at this shit.
"Looking for a way to escape?" Aro asked, slowly approaching me. "It's a shame there
isn't one."
I tensed up even further when Alec let go of me and I heard a gun click behind me,
knowing he'd drawn his weapon and taken the safety off. "This isn't necessary," I said,
the words frantically tumbling from my mouth without me giving them much thought. I
was fucking panicking, knowing I was running out of time. Before I could say any more
Alec shoved the muzzle of his gun roughly against the back of my head, the force of it
sending me stumbling a few steps.
"How dare you tell me what's necessary!" Aro seethed. "This is precisely what I was
talking about! You think you know better than everyone, but you're wrong! You're
nobody! You're nothing! I gave you an order, a simple order, and you had every
opportunity to do it, but you didn't! You disobeyed me! You could've stopped it as soon as
it started, but you refused! He never would've shot you, and now, because you turned
against me, my men are dead and my organization is in chaos! You're no better than
your father. He got what he deserved, and so did your mother for that matter! They
couldn't just fucking let things be, they couldn't just listen and mind their own business!
They turned against us and so did you, and for that you have to pay!"
Tears welled up in my eyes and I fought back a sob, my body shaking violently at his
words. I was fucking frightened, and not even close to being ready to die. I was too
fucking young and I had way too much left to do in my life. I'd just gotten Isabella back
and now it was all crashing down on me, my world fucking imploding because of the gun
pointed at the back of my head. He was a perfect shot, never missed his target.
My own uncle, my own fucking family...
The moment those thoughts passed through my mind I knew I couldn't just give up. I
couldn't go down without a fight. I wouldn't fucking win, I recognized that, but I wasn't a
goddamn coward. I wasn't going to just stand there and let them kill me, throw in the
towel and give up on everything I wanted out of life. Maybe yesterday I would've, or even
a few hours ago, but not now...not when I finally had her back. I might not have fought
for myself, but I would always fucking fight for her.
"Goodbye."
The lone word slipping from Alec's lips set me in motion and I ducked the same time a
deafening bang sounded, the gunshot echoing loudly in the room and making my ears
ring. I turned to start for the door but something across the room captured my attention
when I moved, stopping me in my tracks. The man that had been standing at the window
dropped to his knees abruptly before falling with a loud thump to the floor, blood pouring
from a wound dead center in his forehead. Aro turned to look in horror and Alec shoved
me roughly to the side, causing me to fall onto the floor on my hands and knees. I scurried
away quickly and watched in shock as Alec swiftly reached into Aro's waistband during
the distraction, pulling a pistol from it with his left hand and aiming it along with his. Aro
turned back around, his eyes wide with fear when he saw the two guns pointed at his
head. The whole thing lasted a mere few seconds but it felt like it happened in slow
motion, confusion overwhelming me.
"What are you doing?" he spat, trying to sound firm but I could hear the fear in his
words. I was fucking frazzled, unsure of what was going to happen, part of me screaming
to get the fuck out of there but the other part of me too goddamn afraid to even move an
inch.
"I'm following my orders," Alec said calmly. "When I was initiated, I took an oath. I
swore to be a man of honor and to always put the organization first. They might just be
words to some, but they have meaning to me. La Cosa Nostra or death, sir. That's what I
swore. I choose La Cosa Nostra and always have. It's a pity you chose death."
Alec lowered the guns quickly and fired them both at the same time, bullets ripping
through both of Aro's knees. He let out a blood-curdling scream as he fell to the ground
and I cried out, startled. Alec stood stoically as Aro lay on the ground, desperately trying
to pull himself away as his legs gushed blood, but it was virtually impossible with his
fucked up arm. He was yelling, threatening to kill Alec for betraying him, but he could
barely move.
"Do you remember what I told you happened to rats, Edward?" Alec asked, his voice
calm. "What we did to vermin, to those that disgrace us and give everything we stand for
a bad name-the disloyal and dishonorable?"
"Yes," I responded, my voice shaking. I cringed at the memory of the incident in the
warehouse, the news of what they did to traitors haunting me every day since then. It
was like an urban legend among those in the organization, a story we all knew and
whispered about, but had no proof it ever really fucking happened. "Rats for the rats."
Alec nodded and took the few steps toward Aro, thrusting his foot out and kicking him
square in the nose. I flinched as Aro cried out, and Alec kicked him a few more times in
quick succession until his face was pouring blood.
"This place is infested. If you listen carefully, you can hear them in the walls, scratching
and scurrying around. It won't take them long to catch a whiff of blood, and as soon they
realize there's fresh meat around they'll all come out. It's a brutal way to go, being eaten
alive," he said. My stomach churned and I resisted the urge to throw up, the mental
image alone enough to make me sick. Alec turned to look at me, his face a blank
emotionless mask. It sent a chill down my spine, seeing this side of Alec downright
goddamn frightening. He was almost fucking inhuman. "He knows all of this, because
that's why he chose this place to meet at, Edward. He just didn't anticipate being the one
left behind to face the horror."
Alec slipped his gun back in his waist, ignoring Aro's yelling. He focused his attention on
the pistol he'd taken from him, removing bullets from it and placing them in his pocket.
He spun the chamber as he turned and started toward the door, pausing in the doorway
to sit the pistol down on the floor. "I left a single bullet in the gun," he said, turning back
to Aro. "It will take you a while to drag yourself over here to get it, but I'm sure you can
manage if you want to put an end to your suffering. The choice is yours."
"You fucking traitor!" Aro spat. "You'll burn in Hell for this!"
Alec laughed bitterly. "I'll probably burn in Hell for most of what I've done in my life, but
this is one of the few things I feel is actually worth it."
He turned to walk out without another word, and the moment I heard his footsteps on the
stairs I jumped to my feet. I ran out of the room after him, tripping on a loose board and
nearly fucking falling down the stairs in my haste. I could still hear Aro screaming as we
exited the house but it didn't seem to faze Alec as he headed for the car.
I opened the door to climb in the passenger seat when it all seemed to hit me and I
hunched over, dry heaving on the road. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I was
still shaking, barely able to stay upright. I couldn't believe I was still alive, completely
fucking certain that had been it for me.
Alec got into the car without saying anything and waited patiently for me to get myself
together. I climbed in after a moment, trying to collect myself, and he started the car up
to drive away. "Won't people hear him screaming?" I asked as I wiped tears from my
cheeks, but it was fucking useless because they just kept falling.
"Possibly, but it doesn't matter," he replied. "Like you said, anyone who comes to this
neighborhood is up to no good. No one's going to call the police."
He drove in silence for a while, the atmosphere tense. My thoughts were frantic as I tried
to make sense of everything, the scare of losing my life entirely too much for me to handle.
I'd clearly reached the end of my rope and felt like I was having a fucking mental
breakdown, barely clinging to my last shred of sanity. It all hit me at once, the memory of
everything I'd been through tearing through my system.
"Why'd you do it?" I choked out eventually, clearing my throat to try to get a grip. He
glanced at me questioningly, obviously not expecting me to ask him anything.
"Would you rather it have been you?"
"Not Aro," I said, shaking my head as the tears continued to stream from my eyes. It was
all hitting me at full force, images flashing in my mind of everything I'd witnessed. "My
father. Why'd you do it?"
He didn't respond right away and I began to think he didn't intend to, but he let out an
exasperated sigh after a few minutes. "He was going to die anyway."
"Why?" I asked, not understanding. "I don't get why he'd fucking do it in the first place.
Why'd he have to die?"
"To him, it was better than the alternative. He had no intention of going to prison."
"But why would he?" I asked, shaking my head. "He'd fucking turned, Alec. He made a
deal with the feds so he wouldn't have gone to prison. It didn't have to be this way."
"You're wrong-it did," he said firmly. "Your father didn't make a deal for himself,
Edward. He didn't turn in order to get himself out of trouble. He'd accepted his fate. Your
father cooperated for you. He cooperated to help Isabella and everyone else you love. He
gave them what they wanted so they'd leave his family alone."
He paused briefly to collect his thoughts before he continued. "He'd made his decision, but
I couldn't let him take his own life for the simple reason that I didn't believe he'd find the
peace he sought if he did. I've killed a lot of men, Edward, but I never struggled over a
decision to end a life as I did with your father. It was the first time I killed someone and
actually cared what happened to them, which is ironic in a sense because that's exactly
why I killed him. I know it's probably strange hearing this from me, of all people, but in
order to be forgiven for your sins you have to be remorseful. You have to repent. Your
father spent a lot of time repenting during his last days and came to terms with
everything he'd done and would do, and I didn't want him to blow it all out of
desperation. I believe suicide is an unforgivable sin. He wanted to be with your mother
again. I made it so he could be."
I stared at him with shock as I processed his words, not expecting that answer. "Is that
why you asked him for forgiveness?"
He shook his head. "I wasn't asking him."
I waited for him to elaborate, wondering who the fuck he had been asking, but I didn't get
my answer because his phone rang and interrupted. "Are they all there?" he asked
whoever was on the line when he answered. "Good."
He hung up and glanced at me. "We have one more thing to take care of tonight, so pull
yourself together."
He drove across town again to a strip club, one I'd been to once before with him when he
killed the Irish over involvement with James. The parking lot was packed, the back row
filled entirely with familiar black Mercedes-Benz's. Alec pulled right up to the front and
parked the car along the side of the building, climbing out and glancing around cautiously.
"Are you registered to vote?" he asked as I got out.
"Uh, no," I responded, wondering what the fuck he was asking me for. He nodded, as if my
answer didn't surprise him, and motioned for me to follow him inside. The club was
packed, the air thick with smoke, and mixed with my tears it made my vision hazy as my
eyes burned. Alec slipped right by the bouncer without saying a word and I followed his
lead, keeping my attention on him as he headed toward the back room.
"Voting's important," he said quietly, pausing at the cellar door to look at me. "People like
to feel involved, like they actually have a say in what happens, even if it's just an illusion."
I wasn't sure what to say to that, having no idea what the goddamn point was, but it didn't
really matter because he didn't wait for a response anyway. He opened the cellar door and I
heard voices instantly, but they quieted down when they heard us coming. I descended the
stairs behind him and hesitated on the bottom step, looking around with shock. There were
at least twenty-five men present, Capo's from what I could tell—the highest ranking made-
men left within the organization. They all looked at Alec as he entered and he nodded
toward another man, who cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention.
"We all know why we're here, so let's get it done. Nominations?"
A few people said Alec's name instantly, while others murmured in agreement.
"Any others?"
No one responded, the basement completely silent for a moment.
"Any objections?"
I looked around and saw everyone appeared nervous, but Alec's expression was calm. The
room once again remained silent, no one speaking up. I wasn't sure exactly what the fuck
was going on, the entire scene playing out strangely to me. They were being democratic and
fucking voting, although everyone knew the organization was really a goddamn
dictatorship.
"It's settled, then. Alec it is," the man said. "This meeting is over and never happened."
Everyone mumbled in agreement and Alec turned back around, motioning for me to go
right back up the stairs. I headed out and he followed me to the parking lot, pausing
beside his car. "Like I said, people like to believe they have a choice, even if they really
don't."
He got in the driver's side and I slipped into the passenger seat, eyeing him warily. "What
would've happened if someone objected?" I asked curiously, knowing if there was an
objection to an initiation someone usually ended up dead. "Would they have been allowed
to leave the room?"
"Oh, they would've left the room," he replied, pausing briefly to glance at me. "Just in a
hundred different pieces."
He started the car up and drove toward home quietly. I was deep in thought, trying to
come to terms with the fact that Aro was fucking dead and Alec was now in charge. I
wasn't entirely sure what to think about that shit, wondering exactly how the dynamic
was going to change, how the shift in power was going to affect my life.
We approached the neighborhood and I looked around as thoughts of Isabella hit me, my
heart nearly stopping when I spotted the BMW still parked along the curb. "Don't forget
your gun," Alec said, stopping in front of my house. "And stay close to home for a while."
I nodded and grabbed my gun from the glove box, getting out and strolling toward the
front door as he pulled away. I listened intently for sounds as I opened the front door and
noticed the house was completely silent, but I could see the living room was illuminated
from a plain blue screen on the TV. Isabella was lying on the couch fast asleep, her shoes
kicked off and sitting on the floor in front of her.
I walked over and crouched down in front of her, slipping my gun under the couch before
pushing some stray hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She stirred a bit but
remained asleep, and I stayed there for a moment just watching her breathe. The hope
that swelled through me was intense and I felt like my fucking chest was going to explode,
still unable to believe she was really in front of me.
Not only was she there, but she'd actually fucking waited for me.
If I hadn't been sure before, it was at that moment that I knew it. It was then, watching
her sleep, that I fucking felt it. We would be okay because I was alive, and she was there
with me. I didn't know what would happen in the future, what sort of life we'd make
together or how the fuck we'd manage it, but somehow we would.
I fought back tears again, still unable to get myself under control. I was frantic and
confused, completely fucking overwhelmed by life. I was surrounded by violence and
death, the ugliness eating away at me, but then there was her. She was peace, and hope,
and pure fucking beauty. She was the good that would overpower the bad.
"Bella," I whispered, running my hand along her cheek. "La mia bella ragazza."
She stirred again and finally opened her eyes, blinking rapidly. She looked confused for a
second before it seemed to strike her where she was, a smile curving her lips as she gazed
at me sleepily. "You're back," she murmured, her voice thick with grogginess.
"You waited."
"Of course I did. You wanted me to. I told you I wouldn't run from you, Edward."
"I won't either," I said, smiling softly at her words. "I'll always come back to you. I won't
ever leave you again."
"You promise?"
"I fucking swear it."
"Good," she replied, eyeing me warily as she sat up. She reached out to place her right
hand on my cheek, gently stroking my skin and brushing her thumb along my mouth.
"Have you been crying?"
"Maybe," I replied quietly, leaning forward to softly press my lips to hers. She moved her
mouth in rhythm with mine and I parted her lips with my tongue, deepening the kiss after
a moment. Her hands went into my hair as she pulled me toward her, lying back on the
couch so I was hovering over her body. She moaned into my mouth, the sound causing my
dick to harden as the blood surged through me. I groaned in response, my movements
growing frantic as I pressed down against her, desperate to fucking feel more of her
warmth. She clung to me tightly, her kiss passionate as her hands raked down my back
before slipping up under my shirt. As soon as her hands connected with bare skin I
shivered, electricity running the length of my body.
"Fuck," I gasped, breaking the kiss to take a breath. My chest felt like it was going to
explode, my lungs burning and heart pounding forcefully. She was squirming, still holding
on to me with her eyes squeezed shut. I ducked my head and nuzzled into her neck,
inhaling deeply as I started to kiss the exposed skin there. Her presence was overwhelming,
the touch and scent and fucking taste of her driving me wild, and tears slipped past the
corner of my eyes again as I fought back a sob. I wasn't even sure what the fuck I was crying
for, all of it just too goddamn much for me to take anymore. My entire body ached and I
was desperate for something to soothe the pain, fucking needing her more in that moment
than I had ever before.
"Edward," she panted, the sound of my name in her voice spurring me forward.
"Do you still feel that?" I asked, nipping at the skin near her collarbone as I pressed myself
against her. "The electricity between us? Please tell me you fucking feel it."
"I feel it," she whispered.
"I need you, Bella" I said, my voice cracking as the words caught in my throat. "God, I
fucking need you."
My body started shaking, as it was getting harder to fight back my emotion. "I know," she
whispered. "I'll be here as long as you want me."
"I'll always want you," I replied. "Sempre."
"Sempre," she echoed, the word from her lips pushing me over the edge. A strangled sob
escaped my throat, the sound causing her to grip onto me tighter, and she whispered
quietly as I started crying in her arms. I couldn't seem to stop myself-she destroyed my
goddamn walls all over again, broke me down so it all came flooding out.
I kissed her furiously once more, smashing my lips to hers forcefully as I grabbed at her
clothes. I wanted to fucking feel more of her, to taste every inch of her body and be with
her again. It had been too goddamn long and I needed it, needed to be inside of her and
feel her convulse in my arms. I wanted to make her come, to hear my name on my lips as
she screamed out in pleasure. I needed to make her happy, to make her feel good, because
it was the only goddamn way I was ever going to feel good again. I tucked my hand
underneath her and cupped her ass, pulling her toward me. I pressed my hardened dick
against her and I could fucking feel the warmth of her pussy through her jeans, groaning
at the sensation.
"Slow down, Edward," she said, grabbing my arms and pushing on me. I stopped what I
was doing and pulled back from her, glancing at her face. She was looking at me with
confusion, the apprehension in her expression startling. "You're upset."
"I, uh..." I started, unsure of even what the fuck to say. She let go of my arms and brushed
her fingertips across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. "I need you."
"I know," she replied. "I told you, I'm here. Just... slow down, okay? I'm not going
anywhere."
She wrapped her arms me again and pulled me into a hug, her fingers running through
the hair at the nape of my neck. "I'm sorry," I said, feeling like shit that I'd just pushed her
after trying my damnedest all fucking day to not do that.
"Don't apologize," she replied, her voice gentle. "It's not that I don't want to. I love you,
Edward. It's just..."
"Too soon."
"Yes, too soon," she said quietly.
I lay there for a moment, trying to get a fucking grip on myself and calm down. I knew I
was heavy and she couldn't have been comfortable, so I pulled myself off of her and stood
up. I ran my hand through my hair anxiously, sighing. "Do you want to get some sleep? I
have a bed upstairs. It's a lot more comfortable."
I was prepared for her to argue, especially after what the fuck had just happened, but she
didn't, instead climbing to her feet and offering me her hand. I took it and lead her up the
stairs to my bedroom, scouring through my drawers to find her something more
comfortable to wear. I gave her some flannel pajama pants, knowing they'd be too big but
hoping they'd do, and she went into the bathroom to change.
I quickly changed pants while she was gone and I took my shirt off, tossing it onto the floor
in the corner. The bathroom door opened behind me after a second and I turned to look at
her, smirking when I saw her eyes were automatically drawn to my bare chest. Her brow
furrowed as she tilted her head to the side and I glanced down in confusion, wondering
why she'd reacted that way. It struck me that she was looking at my new tattoo and I
sighed, moving my arm to give her a better look at it as she walked by. It was on my right
side and ran the length of my ribcage, the black ink bold and the lines sharp.
"It's a tribal design or whatever," I muttered. "I don't know what the fuck you'd call it,
really. It's a, uh..."
"It's a swan," she said, smiling softly as she reached out to touch it. Her fingertips traced
the outline of it and I squirmed, her light touch tingling. I nodded in confirmation, not
surprised she pinpointed exactly what it was at first sight. "What made you pick this?"
I shrugged as she dropped her hand, walking over and slipping into my bed. I climbed in
beside her and hesitated briefly before pulling her in my arms. She hummed contently as
she settled into my embrace, her body comforting. "I told you I don't really remember
getting it," I said. "I can take a pretty fucking good guess as to what—or rather who—
inspired it, though."
She smiled and closed her eyes, snuggling in closer to me. "I like it," she whispered sleepily
after a bit, the words barely audible. I leaned my head down and pressed a kiss into her
hair as I closed my eyes to try to get some sleep, drained from the day's events.
Life was a whirlwind after that, each day rapidly morphing into the next. We got Isabella's
clothes from her hotel room and she stayed with me, things between us growing more
relaxed as she made herself at home. It was platonic for the most part, except for the
occasional kiss and gentle touch in passing. I didn't push her, figuring I needed to let her
take the lead, and she made no attempt to deepen whatever the fuck it was we had. I didn't
mind it, though, and understood she just wasn't ready. I wasn't even sure if I was ready, to
be honest. It was just nice having her around again.
I was exhausted, growing wearier every day. Nightmares plagued my sleep and I tried
my best to stay sober, but the liquor just seemed to fucking call to me. Isabella never said
a word about it, but I could see the concern in her expression every time she saw me take
a drink. The looks got to me, guilt chipping away at me every time I swallowed the liquid
down.
But still, it wasn't enough to make me stop.
I did end up going to the hospital to get my hand fixed up, and the following day Isabella
suggested I finally unpack the rest of my shit. We spent a lot of time together just talking,
hanging out and enjoying each other's company like old times. Things were going well,
almost too well in fact. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to fucking
come caving in around us. It felt too good to be true, like there was a catch I'd yet to be
told about or I'd missed the fucking fine print that listed an expiration date. People left us
alone, though, much to my surprise. I thought for sure my brothers would be knocking the
fucking door down to see Isabella, or Alec would be calling me to deal with business, but
there was nothing. No visits, no phone calls, not a goddamn thing.
It was almost a week later when there was finally a knock on the door and I begrudgingly
opened it, surprised to see a mailman standing on the porch. He glanced down at an
envelope in his hand, squinting as he read the name on it. "Edward A. Cullen?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"There's some certified mail for you," he replied, handing a small card to me to sign. I
scribbled my name down on it before giving it back to him, and he handed me the letter
he was holding. I thanked him before shutting the door, strolling to the living room and
plopping down on the couch beside where Isabella sat. I saw it was from Mr. Ricci and I
tore the envelope open, pulling a piece of paper out of it.
"What's that?" Isabella asked curiously.
"Uh, it's a notice from the lawyer," I replied, my eyes scanning the writing quickly.
"They're reading my father's will on Monday. Apparently he left me something."
"Why do you sound surprised?" she asked. "You're his son."
"I don't know," I said, shrugging as I sat the letter down on the table. "I guess it still
doesn't feel real. I mean, fuck, I know it is--I know he's dead. I fucking saw him die. But
it's just still hard to believe it really happened."
"I bet," she replied. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shook my head. "Not right now," I said. "That's the last thing I even want to think about
right now."
"Okay," she said, leaning over and pushing me backward on the couch. She wrapped her
arms around me and settled her head onto my chest as I grabbed the remote control,
turning on the TV and flipping through channels. We stayed that way the rest of the
evening, forgetting about every goddamn thing except what was happening in the walls
of my house, once again focusing all of our attention on each other.
Once again, it didn't last. The very next day, at the same exact time, there was another
fucking knock on the front door. I grumbled as I walked over to answer it, pulling the
door open and freezing in confusion. The same motherfucking mailman was standing on
the porch, holding a very familiar looking goddamn envelope in his hand. "Fucking déjà-
vu," I said. "Weren't you just here for this shit?"
He nodded and looked down at an envelope in his hand. "Yes, but it's not for you this
time," he replied. "Is there an Isabella M. Swan here?"
"Oh, yeah, there is," I responded, opening the door further and yelling back in the house
for Isabella. She appeared a moment later, looking at me and the mailman in confusion. I
smiled and motioned toward the letter in his hand as he held out a card. "It's for you,
tesoro."
"Me?" she asked with surprise, taking the card from the man. She signed her name to the
bottom of it, her handwriting precise and perfect goddamn cursive. I smiled watching
her, knowing how hard she fought to learn to do that. She handed the card back to the
man and he gave her the envelope, telling her to have a good day before departing. She
didn't respond, just stood at the door staring at it with surprise, and I chuckled at her
stunned expression.
"Why are you surprised?" I asked, playfully repeating her words from the day before.
"You're his son's girlfriend."
She glanced up at me and raised her eyebrows. "Am I?" she asked. "Are you what?" "Am I
your girlfriend?"
I hesitated at her question, suddenly wondering if maybe I shouldn't have fucking said
that. "I don't know, are you?"
She smiled. "I asked you first."
"Maybe, I guess. Do you think it's too soon to say that shit?" "I don't know, do you?"
I stared at her for a moment as I tried to make sense of our conversation. "I don't know,"
I said, shaking my head. "This is fucking ridiculous, Bella."
"It is," she replied. "It doesn't really matter. I mean, it's just a word. You always said titles
didn't really define us anyway – we defined us."
"Very true," I said, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into a hug. "I'm one
smart motherfucker, you know."
"Look at you tooting your own horn," she said playfully. I chuckled and leaned my head
down to nuzzle in her hair, pausing when my lips were right beside her ear.
"Do you want to toot my horn, tesoro?" I whispered. She shivered from my breath on her
skin and giggled nervously, pushing away from me.
"That was a corny joke," she commented.
"I wasn't joking," I replied, winking. She blushed and rolled her eyes at me before
averting her gaze.
"The fact that you were serious makes it even worse, you know," she muttered, turning
her attention back to the envelope in her hand. "I wonder what he left for me."
"Could be anything," I replied as she opened it and read the paper giving her the time and
date to appear. "Money, property... who fucking knows."
"But why?" she asked, glancing at me curiously. "I mean, I don't really want anything. I
have enough. I don't need money or houses or anything. None of that matters to me."
I shrugged. "I don't know why," I said. "I guess we'll find out on Monday."
We spent the weekend together hanging out, catching movies and having dinner together
as I showed her around Chicago. Monday approached quickly and I got dressed around
noon, putting on some black slacks and a white button down shirt with a black tie, trying
to look halfway decent because I fucking knew Alec would be there. I slipped on a pair of
black and white Nikes and headed downstairs while Isabella was in the shower, opening
the freezer and pulling out the bottle of Grey Goose. I was fucking nervous, something
about the day making all of it seem even more real. I took the top off of the bottle and
brought it to my lips, taking a big swig of the liquid. It burned my throat but soothed my
nerves, my anxiety lessening almost immediately.
I was standing by the window, gazing out and drinking, when my phone started ringing
in my pocket. It was the first time I'd fucking heard it in days so the sound caught me off
guard, and I immediately tensed up at what it could mean. I sat the bottle down on the
counter and pulled the phone from my pocket, groaning when I saw Alec's name flashing
on the screen.
"Yes, sir?
"I need to speak with you."
"Now?" I glanced at my watch, seeing it was almost half past twelve, and we were all due at
the lawyer's office for the will reading in less than an hour.
"Yes, now," he replied. "Isabella can ride with Esme. We'll meet them there."
"Uh, okay," I said, not really wanting to deal with business but knowing I had no fucking
choice. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
I hung up the phone and took one last drink before putting the bottle of liquor back in the
freezer, and headed upstairs to explain the situation to Isabella. I kissed her quickly and
told her I'd see her there before bolting out of the house, not wanting to keep Alec waiting
long. I strolled down the street toward his house and the front door opened as soon as I
stepped on the porch, Esme's smiling face appearing. "Hey, kiddo," she said warmly. "You
look handsome."
"Thanks."
"Is Isabella at the house?" she asked. I nodded and her smile grew as she reached out and
lovingly patted me on the cheek. "It's good to have you two kids together again."
"Uh, yeah, it's good to have her around again," I stammered, surprised at how happy she
seemed. It was a strange goddamn day to be so chipper, that was for certain. "You're in an
awfully good mood."
"Yeah, well, I like it when I get my way," she replied. "It doesn't happen often. Anyway, you
should get inside."
"Okay," I said, unsure of what the fuck she was talking about but knowing she was right.
"I'll see you in a little while."
"Alright, kiddo."
I headed in the house and walked down the hallway, hesitating before knocking on Alec's
office door. "It's open," he yelled from inside the room. I turned the knob and stepped in,
seeing him sitting behind his desk with a stack of papers in front of him. There was a black
paper shredder on the floor beside his desk and I watched as he fed a paper through it, not
even bothering to look up at me. "Close the door and have a seat."
I obliged and sat down, waiting patiently as he shredded a few more pieces of paper in
silence. "What do you think of the south?"
"The south?" I asked in confusion. "You mean like, Alabama and Mississippi and shit?"
"Well, that is the south," he said casually. "But I was thinking more of the southwest."
"Oh, uh, it's alright. I mean I haven't spent that much time there, but it I guess it's nice," I
responded, unsure of what the fuck he was asking me for. He was a lot like my father in
that way, making me sweat with the obscure goddamn questions. "Phoenix was hot as shit."
"The heat takes some getting used to," he said. "I grew up there, but I guess you're already
well aware of that fact."
"Yes, so did my mom and Isabella. But, I guess you're well aware of that fact, too."
He glanced at me curiously at my statement but didn't comment, instead focusing back on
his papers. He shredded some more of them in silence and I wondered what the fuck he'd
called me there for, my nerves on edge. Once the stack was all gone he unplugged the
shredder and leaned back in his chair, eyeing me peculiarly.
"You took an oath, Edward," he said, his voice stern. "You swore loyalty to the organization
for life. La Cosa Nostra comes first until the day you die, no exceptions. You bled that day,
acknowledging that if you ever broke your oath the rest of your blood would be spilled. You
knew exactly what you were agreeing to, and I can't just turn a blind eye to it. Once a made-
man, always a made-man. I can't let you out of your obligations."
I nodded, not exactly surprised by his words but a little on edge as to why the fuck he was
talking about it. "I understand, sir. I don't expect you to."
"Good," he said. "And although I can't let you walk away, I'm also not ignorant. I know you
aren't cut out for a lot of this and I'm merciful enough to be willing to take that into
account. I want you to succeed, Edward. I don't want you to be taken out by this life, and
I'm going to be brutally honest. The way things were going, you wouldn't have lasted very
long. You have too much of your mother in you. I quite frankly wouldn't have inducted you
in the first place, but like I said, what's done is done. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir," I said, although I didn't really fucking understand the point.
"I'm glad you do, and that brings me back to the topic at hand – the south," he said. "As
you're aware, a good portion of our profits come from Las Vegas. Gambling is a lucrative
business for us between our shares in the casinos and off-sight betting. We have associates
who do most of the work, but there has to be a made-man for them to report to. Someone
to keep everything in line and to mediate situations when they arise, and to report
everything back to Chicago."
"A middle-man."
"Precisely. Charles Swan ran it for years and after his death it was handed over to Alistair,
and, well, you know what happened with both of those men."
"My father killed them," I muttered. He nodded and laughed dryly.
"Yes, I suppose he did," he said. "They got greedy and turned on us, which leaves me in the
predicament right now of replacing Alistair. It's not the most glamorous job but it does
come with certain perks, like relocating to the southwest."
My brow furrowed. "Wait, me?" I asked. "You're talking about me taking his job?"
"Yes. I can trust you, can't I?"
"Of course."
"Good. I'm not saying you're ready to do it right this minute, but the position's open if you
think you can handle it," he said. I started stammering, caught off guard and unsure of how
to respond, but he held up his hand to stop me. "I don't want an answer right now. I just
want you to consider it, and I'm sure you're going to want to consult with Isabella before
you make any decisions."
"Uh, yeah," I replied.
"Anyway, that's all I called you here for," he said, shoving his chair back and standing up.
He glanced at his watch and sighed. "We should be going so we can get this over with."
I nodded in agreement and stood up, following him out of the house without another word.
I caught a ride with him to the lawyer's office and we walked in together exactly at a quarter
after one, right when the will reading was set to start. My whole family was there and I saw
Isabella sitting in a large black office chair around the long wooden table so I pulled out the
chair to sit down beside her. She smiled at me and reached under the table, taking my
hand.
I leaned over close to her, her fresh sweet scent infiltrating my nostrils. "You look good," I
whispered, my eyes traveling the length of her. She had on a dress and heels again, a sight I
wasn't sure I'd ever get used to.
"Thank you," she replied, blushing. "You do, too."
"I know I do," I said playfully. She rolled her eyes but before she could come back with
anything Mr. Ricci cleared his throat, wanting to get started. We all focused our attention
on him and he started sorting through some papers as he stood in the front of the room.
"Everyone here knew Carlisle well, so I think we can all agree that he wouldn't mind if we
made this brief and kept it informal," he said. "He left a letter with me to read that included
his wishes, so I'm just going to read it."
He paused and Isabella fidgeted in her chair, looking at me anxiously. I squeezed her hand,
hoping she'd relax as Mr. Ricci started reading.
"To my family—it's with a heavy heart that I write this. I want you to know that I'm sorry
for any pain I've caused you all. Everything I've done in my life has been with you in
mind, and I know I've made mistakes along the way but I've always tried to do what I felt
was best. I don't expect you all to understand, not right now anyway, but I hope that with
time you'll find peace with my decision. I assure you I have.
"To Esme, my sister, my best friend, and my confidant-Anytime I needed an opinion, or
just to have someone who would listen, you were always there for me. There is so much I
could say to you but I think the most important thing is that I love you, and I want to
thank you. I depended on you a lot over the years, and nothing could ever repay you for
stepping in and helping out with the boys after Elizabeth's death. You and Elizabeth were
good friends, and I remember some of her favorite times were the trips the two of you
took together. That's why I want you to have the contents of the attic of the house in
Forks. That's where all of Elizabeth's stuff is stored, the things she bought over the years. I
could never bear to part with it so it's just sat there, collecting dust. I'm sure, out of
everyone, you'd find the most use of it."
I glanced over at Esme and saw she was smiling, her eyes glossy with unshed tears.
"And to Alec, the contents of the basement of the house in Forks, as well as the safe in the
downstairs office and the storage unit in Port Angeles. You'll know what to do with it all."
Mr. Ricci handed Alec a key and a slip of paper, which Alec took and put in his pocket with
a nod before motioning for him to continue.
"To my sons. I want all three of you to know that I love you. Emmett, my oldest, the one
that was given to me by fate—your humor has always lit up our lives. You're strong and
protective of the people you love, and you're also a very intuitive person. You're going to
be a great father, and I wish I could be there to see Rosalie give birth to my first
grandchild. Yes, I know she's pregnant, son. You couldn't hide it from me. I'm a doctor, I
can tell these things."
Everyone laughed and Emmett reached over, placing a hand on Rosalie stomach as Mr.
Ricci continued. "You were always the most business-savvy, good with computers, even if
you did use that skill to complicate my life once or twice. I'm leaving you all of my
investments, my stocks and bonds and legitimate business dealings."
Mr. Ricci handed Emmett a portfolio full of paperwork before turning back to the letter.
"To Jasper, my middle son. You were always so compassionate and personable. You
understand people and empathize with them, and because of that you'll make a wonderful
doctor someday. You have the most roots in Washington, with Alice's family there and
you both attending school in Seattle, so I want you to have the house in Forks and the rest
of the contents."
He handed Jasper a set of keys and some paperwork to sign before turning back to the
letter once more. "And to my youngest son, Edward—everyone knows you can be volatile,
stubborn and finicky, but one thing a lot are unaware of is the fact that you're secretly
quite noble. It's something you got from your mother, your selfless side. I respect that
about you, and no matter what may happen in the future I want you to know that you
have made me proud. You can keep the house in Chicago, but I'm also leaving you a
package. What you do with what's inside of it is completely up to you, but it makes the
most sense to me for it to go to you."
Mr. Ricci handed me some paperwork to sign so the house could eventually be transferred
into my name, and when I gave it back to him he handed me a small padded manila
envelope. I thanked him quietly and cautiously started opening it, wondering what the fuck
it was.
"Alice and Rosalie-you two have always been like daughters to me. It's been an honor
watching you both grow up, and I hope you understand how special you are to this
family. I'm leaving you both enough money in a trust to pay for your schooling and
whatever else you might need in the future, although I have a hunch that neither of you
will ever want for anything, thanks to my sons. The rest of my money is to be divided in
thirds and distributed evenly to my sons. The exact amount I'm unsure of myself, but it's
more than I could've ever spent in this lifetime, and I'm positive it's more than any of you
will ever need. I trust you'll do something good with it."
He paused and glanced at Isabella briefly, causing the eyes of everyone in the room to go to
her. She fidgeted from the attention and bit down on her bottom lip nervously, the
apprehension clear as day on her face. "And lastly, to Isabella Swan... I'm leaving you an
envelope. It seems petty in comparison to what the others have been left, but I have a
feeling that you won't mind. What's inside of the envelope is selfishly just as much for me
as it is for you, and I wished it could've been something I could've delivered in person, but
this will have to do."
Mr. Ricci held a normal-looking white envelope out to Isabella and she took in carefully,
glancing at the front of it. Her first name was written out in my father's distinct
handwriting, no indication on it of what the fuck was inside. Curiosity burned inside of me
briefly but I knew it was none of my fucking business, so I turned my focus back to the
package in my hand as Mr. Ricci finished.
"Once again, I'm sorry for any pain my departure has caused, but keep your chins up and
carry on. Il tempo guarisce tutti i mali. Never forget that. I know my sons won't. I love
you all, Carlisle," Mr. Ricci read before sitting the letter down on the table. "That's it."
I reached up to rub the spot on my chest over my heart where those words were embedded
in my skin, noticing from the corner of my eye as Emmett and Jasper did the same. Il
tempo guarisce tutti i mali. Time heals all wounds. We'd all gone together to get it and
although I still felt so fucking broken, a part deep down inside of my soul wounded because
of everything I'd seen and all that I've lost, I knew that with time I would eventually heal.
We all would fucking heal, and I also knew the presence of the beautiful woman sitting to
my right would be the glue that would help mend me.
I finally got the package open and glanced inside of it, freezing when I spotted the glimmer
of gold on the bottom. I knew exactly what it was the moment my eyes fell upon it, a dozen
different emotions hitting me instantly. I'd seen it hundreds, if not thousands, of fucking
times, had admired it when it sat on the finger of the first woman I'd loved and again later
when it hung around the neck of the first man I'd revered.
My mother's wedding ring.
It was so fucking simple but held so much significance, a lifetime of love and stories coming
along with it. It was a symbol of my parents love, of the bond they shared that transcended
ridiculous fucking titles like slave and mafia prince. They hadn't given a shit about those
things, what set them apart not meaning a damn thing in comparison to what brought
them together. They were soul mates and despite every goddamn thing that had been in
their way, life had made sure to bring them to exactly where they were supposed to be. And
it was that ring, the one that lay in the bottom of the manila envelope in my hand, that had
sealed the deal for them.
It had been their fate... and now it was mine.
I glanced over at Isabella, trying to fight back the fucking emotion that flooded me, and
tensed up when I saw tears were streaming from her eyes. She had torn the envelope open
and it was sitting on the table in front of her, her hand clutching a piece of paper she'd
pulled from it. "Tesoro, what's wrong?" I asked quietly, reaching over and wiping the tears
from her cheeks. She looked at me and shook her head before hesitantly holding the paper
out to me. I took it carefully, confused by her reaction, and glanced down at it. I smiled as I
read the words scribbled in the middle of the paper, realizing what he'd given her was
probably the most valuable thing that any of us had gotten.
'You were worth it.'
Chapter 80 - Addiction
"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody.
Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my
attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction." — Chuck Palahniuk
"This is completely unnecessary," I grumbled, slouching down in the leather seat as I gazed
out the darkly tinted side window. The buildings whipped by at a steady pace as we drove
through the streets, the scenery a blur in the darkness.
"Mr. Cullen disagrees, Ma'am," a voice said politely from the front seat.
"Calling me Ma'am is unnecessary, too," I said, glancing at the man driving the car. I
noticed he was watching me in the rear-view mirror, nervousness written all over his face.
I'd never seen him before and it was obvious that he was new at this, not wanting to mess
up what was likely his first chance to prove himself. It was a PC situation as they called it –
Precious Cargo – the cases only given to the most dependable and trustworthy chauffeurs.
It was a title usually reserved for celebrities and politicians, but they seemed to place those
involved with the Mafia within the same category. I supposed it made sense, given they
probably feared retaliation if anything went wrong, but I still found it baffling that it
included me.
"Sorry, Ma'am," he responded, his voice low as he averted his gaze. I smiled softly as I
looked back out of the window, the irony of the situation not at all lost on me.
It was astonishing how much had changed, our lives altered in ways we never would have
imagined at the beginning. I often thought about everything that happened that led us to
where we were, curious how things might've turned out had the circumstances been
different. I knew it was senseless, because it was impossible to go back and change
anything, but I still couldn't help but wonder sometimes. No matter how many times I
thought it through, though, it always seemed to go back to a single event that had been the
start of it all—the murder of my grandparents Marcus and Didyme Tanner in the winter of
1972.
Grandparents – I doubted I would ever get used to saying it. I never considered a family
outside of my mother, refusing to accept the Swans as anything of the sort, but as time
went on I started questioning things more. Edward offered to explain what he knew,
promising he would be more open with me in the future, but it was actually Alec who
eventually told me the truth. He told me everything he knew about the Tanners, relaying
stories he'd heard about the type of people they'd been. They were a strong family, full of
pride, and despite Marcus's involvement with the Mafia he had apparently been a decent
person. Alec said they had been overjoyed to have a daughter and told me they called her
'Bree', named after my great-grandmother, Briana. It was startling to hear about my
mother's beginnings and to learn how much she had been wanted... how much she'd been
loved.
He explained to me what Aro had done, from plotting their deaths to covering his tracks,
and I realized that had been the defining moment in all of our lives. It had a domino effect,
the aftermath of it still being felt decades later. If it weren't for Aro making that decision,
my mother would have had the chance to grow up privileged. She would've gone to school
and made friends, attended college and had a career. There would have been sleepovers
and birthday parties, boyfriends and dates. She wouldn't have had to endure suffering at
the hands of the Swans, and had she not been there that fateful day years ago when the
Cullens visited, Elizabeth would've lived, too. Edward wouldn't have witnessed his
mother's murder, and Dr. Cullen wouldn't have lost his wife. They would've stayed together
and been whole, not the shattered people her death caused them to be.
Had Marcus and Didyme lived, everyone would've been happy.
It all made perfect sense to me, but Edward saw a flaw in my logic—if they hadn't died, I
would've never been born. He said that while she didn't have all of the other stuff, my
mother did have me, and he was certain that she wouldn't have traded me for the world. I
knew where he was coming from but I couldn't help imagining it sometimes, anyway,
especially moments such as that one when I was riding through the streets of Chicago in a
limo. Had one action been different, one decision left unmade, it could've been my mother
being chauffeured around instead of me.
"Ma'am?" I glanced back over at the driver and saw he was watching me again, his
eyebrows raised questioningly. "There was an accident on Highway 41 that blocked
northbound traffic. I had to take a detour, but it'll only be a few minutes longer."
I sighed and glanced at my watch, faintly making out the time in the darkness-a quarter
past ten in the evening. "Okay."
"I apologize for any inconvenience."
"It's fine," I replied, trying to set his nerves at ease. "It's not a big deal. And please, call me
Isabella."
I gazed back out of the window the rest of the trip and he didn't speak again until he pulled
up in front of the large white house, parking the limo along the curb. He got out and
glanced around cautiously before opening my door and holding his hand out to me. I
smiled as I took it, carefully climbing out of the car. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Ma'am."
I shook my head, knowing it was pointless to correct him again, and pulled out some cash.
He tried to refuse my tip, saying it was an honor to be able to drive me, and I rolled my
eyes as I stuffed the money in his coat pocket. He started to walk me to the door but I
waved him off, so he stood anxiously beside the car watching me as I headed for the house.
The front door was locked so I dug out my keys and opened it quickly, giving him a small
wave goodbye before slipping inside.
The house was fairly dark and silent, except for the faint murmur of the television playing
in the living room. I kicked my shoes off right inside the door before heading into the
kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and pouring some water into it from the faucet.
Leaning up against the counter, I took a sip as my eyes scanned the kitchen curiously.
There were used paper towels on the table with some cups sitting out, and the dishes
definitely hadn't been done during the day. Part of the counter was covered in crumbs and
an empty jar of peanut butter sat beside the sink, the lid halfway on with a dirty knife lying
beside it. There was also something sticky spilled, the floor in desperate need of mopping.
I sighed as I looked away from the mess, my eyes drifting toward the calendar on the wall.
It was chaotic, writing scribbled all over it and days crossed out, but nothing stood out
more than one date at the bottom.
August 29th, 2010
The square was circled with a red marker and I smiled as I read the words neatly written in
the box: our wedding. It had been nearly two years since Edward and I found our way back
together, and in a mere five days we planned to make it official.
Marriage. It was still hard to believe we'd come that far. It hadn't exactly been easy for us,
because Edward and I couldn't wrap ourselves in a bubble and ignore everything outside of
it like we'd done back in Forks. We had to be a part of that world, had to integrate
ourselves into it and discover where it was we fit. It was occasionally a source of conflict as
we sought to find balance between us as a couple and us as individuals, but it wasn't so bad
that we couldn't work through it together. We disagreed on certain details, like how to keep
me safe, and while I sometimes found it overwhelming, I tolerated a lot of what he wanted.
I would never get used to the bodyguards or car services, but I knew it was really a small
price to pay for Edward's peace of mind.
Because peace of mind, truthfully, was something Edward rarely got.
It was clear to me when I first arrived in Chicago that he was an addict, even if he couldn't
yet see it himself at the time. He'd depended on alcohol and drugs in my absence, not once
relying on just his strength to make it through. I believed in Edward and didn't want to be
his crutch, which is part of the reason I'd made the decision to take things slow with him.
We started doing all of the things regular couples did, like going on dates and taking trips
together. Intimacy was tricky, though, because despite the sexual tension that hung thickly
between us, we both seemed to understand that we weren't ready for that step right away.
We needed to work on our emotional issues before we could come together physically,
because if we didn't we knew it would only complicate things further.
Waiting had been the best decision we made because when we finally gave in to the
passion, it was just as intense as it had been our first time. It wasn't out of lust, or for
simple sexual gratification; it wasn't because we were broken and fooling ourselves into
thinking it could heal us. When we finally made love, it was exactly that-out of love. It was
because it felt right, because we fit, and not because we were desperately trying to dull our
lingering pain.
The normalcy we found together was something I'd always yearned for. It wasn't perfect, as
Edward would occasionally have to cancel our plans without warning, but for the most part
Alec tried to be accommodating. Edward had accepted a new position within the
organization and I wasn't sure of the specifics, but I did know it was the same job that
Charles Swan had when I was growing up. We planned to move after the wedding but for
the time being it required Edward to take frequent trips out of town. He'd be gone for
weeks at a time occasionally, but he always came back to me in one piece.
Or, well, as whole as Edward was, anyway.
He decided to take a break from school to clear his head so he could find some balance in
his life, but I enrolled at the Art Institute of Chicago right away and started over under my
real name. Edward's alcohol use continued for a while but eventually, without any
pressure, he made the decision to start attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It
seemed to happen overnight and I wasn't sure what had sparked it, but I was proud of his
decision. He faithfully attended meetings whenever he was in town and it, too, would
occasionally get in the way of our plans- especially when he was feeling vulnerable- but I
understood and supported him completely. It would be a lie to say it was smooth, however,
because the truth was that it was still a daily struggle for him to stay sober. He was irritable
and lost his temper out of frustration, but I remained patient because I knew it was just a
lingering effect of his addiction. There had been setbacks and relapses along the way that
knocked him down, but each time it happened he got right back up and tried again.
I took another sip of my water before pouring the rest down the drain, and sat the glass
down on the counter beside me. I started to walk away but hesitated, turning back around
and grabbing the glass again. I opened the dishwasher and put it inside, quickly gathering
up the other dishes that had been left lying around. I didn't start it, knowing it could wait
for morning, but I cleaned up the trash and wiped down the counters. The sticky floor
would also have to wait but the rest I couldn't walk away from, because despite everything
that was different with us, some core things still remained.
I walked out of the kitchen and made my way toward the living room, freezing right inside
the room when my eyes fell upon Edward. It felt like the air was forced from my lungs, the
sight in front of me literally breathtaking. I was so overcome with emotion that my knees
went weak, my chest aching to the point where I worried my heart would explode from the
pressure.
Edward was across the room in a recliner, his feet kicked up in front of him as he lounged
back in the chair. There was a small body wrapped around his torso, a head nuzzled into
his chest as little fists tightly gripped his shirt. Both of them were fast asleep, the glow of
light from the television softly illuminating their peaceful faces in the darkness.
I quietly tip-toed over to where they were and gently shook Edward's shoulder as I called
his name. He stirred and opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he looked in my
direction. A crooked grin overtook his lips when he saw me standing there and he carefully
shifted his position in the chair, making sure not to disturb the little one.
"Hey, tesoro" he said quietly, his voice thick and gritty from sleep. "How was your night?"
"It was good," I replied. There was a visiting artist at the school and she had held a session
that the students were required to attend. I tried to get out of it, not wanting to leave
Edward alone, but my grade counted on the credit so I really had no choice in the matter.
"How was yours?"
"Fucking exhausting," he muttered. "I seriously couldn't do this shit every day."
"I'm sure it's different when it's your own," I replied, smiling as I gently stroked the little
boy's warm cheek before running my hand through his unruly blond hair. Carlisle
Anthony Cullen, the almost two year old snuggling with Edward, had been born in the late
evening hours of Christmas Day in 2008. It was a solemn few days for everyone, being that
it was the first Christmas without Dr. Cullen, but it all changed when Rosalie had gone into
labor on Christmas Eve. We spent the holiday at the University of Chicago Medical Center,
sitting around an artificial tree in the waiting room while Rosalie and Emmett welcomed
into the world the greatest gift any of us could've ever asked for.
Esme said it was a miracle, a sign from Dr. Cullen that he was at peace, and watching the
beautiful little boy growing up I liked to believe it. I knew he got his bright blond hair and
sparkling blue eyes from his mother, but every day he seemed to look strikingly more like
the man he was named after. There was no blood relation between them, but it still felt like
a part of Dr. Cullen now lived on inside the child—the family name alive for yet another
generation.
They asked us to be his Godparents, but Edward had been hesitant to agree. It wasn't that
he hadn't wanted to do it, but the truth was that he was leery of getting too close. He didn't
want to draw the boy any further into our world than he had to, afraid of bringing him
danger that he otherwise wouldn't face. I respected Edward for that, but Emmett and
Rosalie had insisted we were the perfect ones for the job.
He gave in eventually and we stood up together at the baptism, vowing that we would care
for the child as if he were our own. Edward took his responsibilities as a Godfather as
serious as he took his oath to the organization, and I know he cherished every moment of it
even if he sometimes tried to put up a hard facade.
"Have you heard anything from Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked curiously, shifting my
attention back to Edward.
"Yeah. False alarm, of course," he responded, laughing humorlessly. Rosalie was thirty-six
weeks pregnant with their second child, the two of them wanting their kids close in age like
the Cullen boys had been, and they'd called that afternoon convinced that she was in labor.
Esme had agreed to keep Carlisle when the time came, but she and Alec were out of town
taking care of some personal business so they'd turned to us for help. We'd kept him a few
times before, but it was the first time Edward had him by himself. "Em said they're just
going to leave him here for the night and pick him up in the morning."
"That's good," I said, smiling. "I'm sure they could use some rest."
"It's their own fucking fault."
"Maybe so, but I don't mind it," I replied, knowing Edward really didn't either. If he did, he
wouldn't have been so quick to agree to babysit, knowing I would be gone most of the
night. "I like having the little guy around."
"Yeah, it's, uh, nice, I guess," he said, his voice trailing off as he spoke the words. He shifted
his position in the chair again and clutched onto the little boy tightly as he stood up, being
careful not to drop him. "Christ, he's getting fucking heavy. Why don't you get out of those
clothes while I put him to bed. I don't know about you, but I'm fucking starving."
I watched as he quickly disappeared up the stairs to the guest room and I followed behind
after a moment, heading into our bedroom and stripping. After tossing my clothes in the
hamper in the corner I went into the adjoining bathroom, turning on the shower and
climbing in. The water felt good against my bare skin, the warm spray instantly soothing
some of the tension from my body. I took my time shampooing my hair, trying to relax, and
had started to rinse it when a sudden gust of cold air whipped through the room. I shivered
as goosebumps sprung up across my skin and I peeked out of the curtain, stunned to see
the door open with a very naked Edward standing in the room. He sat the baby monitor on
the sink as my eyes instinctively scanned his form, traveling down the faint trail of hair on
his stomach, and I blushed as my gaze settled on his very prominent erection.
"What... I mean..." I started stammering, flustered as he pulled the curtain aside further
and stepped into the shower in front of me. He grabbed my hips without saying a word,
pulling me toward him so he could press himself against me. He leaned his head down and
started kissing my neck, his right hand coming up to palm my breast. I shivered again
when his thumb grazed my nipple, causing it to grow firm from his touch. Chills shot down
my spine and I wrapped my arms around him in response, running my fingers through the
hair on the back of his head.
"I thought you were hungry," I murmured, tossing my head back to give him better access.
"I am," he whispered huskily. "I told you, I'm fucking starving, Bella."
"Oh," I responding absentmindedly, gasping when his hand dropped from my breast to in
between my legs. "OH!"
Edward chuckled at my response, nudging my legs apart and pushing two of his fingers
inside of me without delay. I moaned and closed my eyes as he started pumping them in
and out, his thumb brushing against my sensitive clit and causing my knees to go weak. He
backed me up against the wall to stabilize me as he started pumping his fingers faster, his
lips frantic as the noises escaping my throat got louder.
"Oh God," I moaned, already feeling the pressure building in the pit of my stomach. My
entire body was tingling, my heart pounding rapidly in anticipation. I reached down and
grasped Edward's erection in my hand and started stroking it the best I could, my
coordination horrible because of the position we were in. He groaned at the contact and
thrust himself in my palm, the force slamming me back against the shower wall. I hit my
head hard and Edward cursed, quickly apologizing but the words barely registered. My
body seized up immediately, a paralyzing feeling overtaking me before I exploded in
pleasure. I cried out as my orgasm hit and Edward smashed his lips to mine quickly,
attempting to stifle my noises.
Once the sensation passed I started stroking him again, shifting my position to make it
easier. We switched places and Edward leaned back against the shower wall, closing his
eyes and biting down on his lip as he tried to remain quiet. I continued what I was doing
for a moment before dropping to my knees right there on the shower floor. I swirled my
tongue around the tip before taking him in my mouth and Edward grunted, grabbing the
back of my head.
"Fuck, tesoro, that feels good," he groaned as I started bobbing my head, taking him as far
in as I could without gagging. He rested his hands in my hair and didn't push me any
further, but I could tell he was fighting the urge to thrust. I sucked vigorously for a few
minutes as the shower pelted the two of us, the water chilling slightly as time ticked away.
He started tensing up eventually, fisting handfuls of my wet hair as he lost the battle
against his willpower. I tried to relax my throat as he bucked his hips forward, knowing he
was close to his release, and the moment he slid completely down my throat a loud shriek
sounded out. The noise startled me and I gagged, accidentally nicking him with my teeth as
I pulled my mouth off of him.
"Fuck! No, no, no, no," Edward started frantically chanting. I looked up at him in
confusion, caught off guard, and inhaled water as I opened my mouth to speak. I choked,
coughing forcefully as my chest started burning from the liquid in my lungs. Edward pulled
me to my feet and stared at me in shock as I struggled to breathe, but I held my hands up
in an attempt to tell him I was fine.
I finally caught my breath when there was another yell, and I realized Carlisle was awake in
the next room. "I'll deal with him," I offered, trying to smile sympathetically at the fact that
we'd been interrupted. "You might want to uh, you know... finish taking care of that."
I motioned toward his erection, knowing once Edward was up he wouldn't go back down
until he got his release, and he started grumbling in aggravation as I stepped out of the
shower. "You know, this shower sex shit is fucking sexy in porn."
"Everything's sexy in porn," I replied, laughing as I grabbed my robe from the hook on the
back of the door. "Even things like, you know, anal sex."
I blushed as I spoke the words, unable to help my reaction, and he looked at me with
shock. "Fuck, do you want to try that next, tesoro?"
I rolled my eyes as I put my robe on, covering myself up. "No thanks," I replied. "I'll pass."
He mumbled something under his breath as I walked out, quickly heading down the hall to
the guest bedroom. I stepped in the room and saw Carlisle was sitting in the center of the
bed with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Hey there, little man."
"Bella," he whimpered, looking at me earnestly. He was the only person, besides Edward,
that ever called me Bella.
I sat down beside him on the bed, opening my arms so he could climb into my lap. "What's
wrong, sweetie?" I asked, hugging him tightly.
"Mama," he replied, staring at me with his bright blue eyes. I wiped the tears from his
cheeks and smiled softly.
"Your mom will be here in the morning. So will your daddy," I said. "After you get a good
night sleep you'll see them again, okay?"
"Kay," he responded, but with the way his bottom lip quivered I knew it really wasn't okay.
He was still so young and not used to being away from home often, so it wasn't easy for
him to adjust to not having them there. I sighed and kissed the top of his head gently
before settling him back in the bed and lying down beside him. I tucked the blankets in
around him and stroked his hair for a while until he started dozing back off. Once his soft
snores started echoing through the room I got up and quietly headed back down the hall. I
stopped in the bedroom and removed my robe, hanging it up before I put on some
pajamas. I pulled my hair up in a ponytail and secured it with a rubber band as I made my
way downstairs, seeing the light on in the kitchen. Edward was standing in front of the
refrigerator with the door wide open, glaring inside of it with a look of annoyance on his
face. He was wearing only a pair of sweat pants slung low on his hips, his chest and feet
bare, and hair an utter mess as usual.
"Can't find anything?" I asked. He sighed in frustration and shook his head as he shut the
door, his eyes scanning a takeout menu stuck to the front of it with magnets. We had food
delivered more often than I liked, but with how busy school kept me and how
unpredictable Edward's schedule was for the time being, planning big meals wasn't
plausible very often. "I can make something. You have to be tired of eating out."
He chuckled in amusement as he looked over at me, cocking an eyebrow. "Depends on
what I'm eating out," he said suggestively. "I could have you every day of the week and
never get tired, Bella."
"You're such a pervert," I responded, shaking my head. I could feel the heat rising into my
cheeks, knowing it was useless to try to hide it. I reacted that way every single time he
made those types of comments, which I suspected was half the reason he did it so much.
"Yeah, but you love it," he said playfully.
"I do," I replied with a shrug, also knowing there was no use to deny that-he knew me well.
Edward laughed as he turned away from me again, his attention going back to the menu.
"I'll just order Chinese. It's late and you shouldn't have to cook, especially considering you
already fucking cleaned up the kitchen once tonight. Don't think I didn't notice that shit. I
could've done it, you know. I would've."
"I know you would've," I said truthfully. Edward never did certain things, like laundry or
mopping, but he was pretty good at picking up after himself. He didn't enjoy it and
would've loved to keep paying Leah, but I knew he did it for me. "I didn't mind it."
"Well, thank you."
He grabbed the cordless telephone from where it hung on the wall and dialed a number
quickly. "Yeah, I need a delivery. The name's Edward Cullen," he said when they answered,
pausing briefly as they looked up his name in their system. "Yes, that's me. I need an order
of the Pork Mu Shu Wraps, some Mongolian Beef, the Kung Pao Chicken, and two orders
of your Won Ton Soup. I don't know, large? Oh, and some egg rolls. How many come in an
order? Two?! Is that it? That's a fucking rip off. Give me three orders of those, then."
He glanced at me, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "Did I miss anything?"
"Uh, no," I responded, stunned by how much he ordered as it was. Apparently he was
starving.
"Yeah, that's it. And don't forget the fortune cookies," he said into the phone, his brow
furrowing after a second as he listened to the person on the line. "What do you mean you
don't have fortune cookies right now? You're a goddamn Chinese restaurant. You have to
have fortune cookies. What? No, I don't want to talk to your manager, I just want my
fucking fortune cookies. I don't care if you're out of them or that they're complimentary so
I'm not paying for them. Don't give me that bullshit. I don't feel fucking complimented
right now. Find some."
He ended the call with an irritated groan and slammed the phone down on the counter
hard, making me flinch. "Fucking ingrates," he spat as he pulled open the freezer door and
looked inside. I knew immediately what he was doing and he seemed to realize it right
away, too, having acted on impulse out of frustration as he did occasionally. He stared at
the empty spot where the vodka bottle had once been stored for a moment before
slamming the door again and opening up the refrigerator. I walked over to him as he
grabbed a can of Coke, taking it from his hand and gently rubbing his back.
"Fortune cookies aren't that serious," I said, nudging him aside so I could grab a glass from
the cabinet. Edward leaned against the counter and watched me as I got out the jar of
cherries, putting together a cherry coke for him. "You don't even eat them. You think they
taste like cardboard."
"Yeah, but you do," he replied tensely. He was fidgeting and appeared agitated, rubbing the
palms of my hands on his pants anxiously. "You like them."
I smiled softly as I handed him his soda. "Well, thank you for thinking of me, but it was
unnecessary. Just like sending that limo to pick me up tonight was unnecessary."
"Maybe the cookies weren't, but the limo was definitely necessary," he said, taking a sip of
his drink. "You couldn't fucking walk home."
"No, but I could've taken the bus," I replied, shrugging. "I mean, I took the bus there. I kind
of like it, anyway. I never got to go to school and ride the school bus or anything. Makes it
feel, I don't know, authentic?"
He stared at me doubtfully and I realized it probably sounded ridiculous to him,
considering I was quite sure he'd never rode a school bus either. "You weren't taking the
bus home, Bella."
"Why? It's not that big of a deal."
"It is a big deal," he retorted, raising his voice. "It's nighttime. The bus stop isn't even close
to the house so you'd still have to fucking walk in the dark. I couldn't let you do it."
"It isn't that far, just a few blocks over," I replied, hoping to reassure him so he'd calm
down. "I mean, it would've only taken a few minutes, especially if I cut down the alley by..."
I stopped speaking abruptly when it struck me what I was saying and Edward stood frozen,
his body rigid. The bus stop was near the old theater a few blocks away, the same one I'd
learned Edward's piano recital had been held in that October night back in 1996. The alley
that led from there to the house was the one Edward had taken with his mother while
walking home, one I realized he had never gone near since.
For good reason, obviously.
"Okay," I agreed with a nod, understanding why he'd reacted so strongly. I knew the odds
of something actually happening to me were slim, but once again it was more about his
peace of mind than my actual safety. "No bus at night, but I still want to take it during the
day."
"You're the only person I know that fucking prefers public transportation," he grumbled,
obviously still not happy with my compromise but he didn't disagree.
"I just don't see the point in driving if I don't have to," I explained. "And limos are really
too flashy, especially for school. I like fitting in there but you sending a limo to pick me up
from class doesn't help that."
"I get it, I do," he said. "I just want to keep you safe, Bella."
"I know, and I'm grateful for it. If it gets late and I can't take the bus, I can call a taxi."
Edward laughed dryly as he ran his hand through his hair. "And you say I'm stubborn."
"You are stubborn," I said. "Maybe you're just rubbing off on me."
It was quiet for a moment as he stood there before his lips curved up into a smile. "Yeah,
I'll rub something off on you, alright."
"Oh God," I groaned, shaking my head as I looked away from him. He chuckled at my
reaction and was quiet for a second before sighing, resigned.
"No taxi, but I can make it more low-profile," he said. "They have Mercedes and Town Cars
and even SUVs that aren't as conspicuous. If I feel like I need to send a car, I'll send one of
them. Otherwise, whatever, I guess the bus is fine."
"Thank you," I said, smiling at him. "You're good to me, you know."
He rolled his eyes and started to respond but was cut off suddenly by his cell phone
ringing. Without a moment's hesitation he bolted from the room, yelling behind him that I
should pick out something for us to watch. He disappeared into the side room, which had
been converted into an office, and I headed into the living room to settle on the couch.
There was a knock on the door eventually and I stood up to answer it, but Edward
reappeared and told me to sit back down. He headed outside and after a while my curiosity
got the best of me, so I made my way to the kitchen to peek out the window. My brow
furrowed when I saw Edward standing on the front step with two men, neither of which I
recognized. They all seemed tense, the conversation between them clearly serious-
business, I assumed, based on their stances. My heart rate quickened as it usually did when
I witnessed him at work, a bit of fear naturally brewing inside of me. It was a part of his life
I was cut off from, a piece of Edward that I would never know, and even though I
understood why, it didn't make it any less easy to deal with.
Edward suddenly glanced in the direction of the window and his expression hardened
when we made eye contact. I quickly stepped back out of his sight in a panic, not wanting
to anger him by eavesdropping, and looked toward the street when a car pulled up to the
curb. The two men briskly walked past the window and Edward opened the front door,
heading straight for the office again as the delivery man approached the house with our
food.
Before he could knock Edward came back out with his wallet in hand and opened the front
door again. "Your total is $49.75."
"Christ, that's fucking expensive," Edward muttered. I strolled toward the doorway of the
kitchen and paused, watching as he started thumbing through his cash. He pulled out a
fifty and handed it to the guy on the porch, hesitating before grabbing another five dollar
bill. I smiled as he handed it to him for a tip before grabbing the bag of food and shutting
the front door.
"You shouldn't be so nosey," he said when he spotted me standing there.
"I wasn't being nosey. I was just... curious."
"Nosey, curious-same damn thing," he muttered under his breath before adding, "Just be
careful, alright? You know that shit makes me nervous." I nodded and he motioned toward
the large bag of food in his hand, quickly changing the subject and suggesting we eat before
it got cold.
I grabbed a soda from the fridge for myself and picked up Edward's cherry coke, following
him into the living room. We settled onto the couch and ate our dinner, chatting casually as
we watched television. After we were full Edward sat the rest aside, pulling out a white
paper bag and opening it. He laughed as he glanced inside and poured the contents out on
the coffee table in front of us. I looked in shock at the dozen or so fortune cookies that
dumped out, reading the writing on the clear plastic that covered them. We'd ordered from
Satay, but the cookies came from a place called Ming Choy.
"You scared them into buying you fortune cookies from another restaurant, Edward."
"Yeah. I probably should've tipped more for that shit, huh?" he said, unable to hide his
amusement. He grabbed one of the cookies and tossed it on my lap before picking up
another for himself. He opened it and took the cookie out, breaking it apart quickly to pull
out his fortune.
"What's it say?" I asked, opening mine.
"The important thing is to never stop questioning," he read before tossing it down and
grabbing another. "That's just fucking stupid."
I laughed and pulled my fortune out. "Your dream will come true when you least expect it,"
I said, reading the small strip of paper. I sat it down and took a bite of the cookie, earning a
grimace from Edward. "My dreams already came true. Family, friends, school, marriage.
Couldn't ask for much more."
"You aren't married yet, tesoro," he said.
"I know. Soon, though," I said, hesitating as I glanced at him. "Do you think we're doing it
at the right time?"
"What do you mean the right time?" he asked, his brow furrowing at my question.
"Well, I mean, with everything the family has going on and Rosalie having the baby soon, I
just wondered..."
"Fuck that," he said, cutting me off. "I'm not postponing our wedding because my brother
can't keep his dick in his pants, Bella. We set the date before he knocked her up. Besides,
the invitations were sent and motherfuckers are already flying in, so it's a little too late to
rearrange shit. Unless you're trying to tell me you don't want to get married, because in
that case..."
"Of course I want to get married," I interrupted, reaching over and grasping his chin. I
pulled his face toward me so he'd look me in the eyes and smiled sadly, seeing the concern
in his expression. Edward tried to keep a tough exterior, but I could always sense when he
was feeling vulnerable. "I love you."
"I love you, too," he said, his shoulders visibly relaxing at my words. He kissed me softly
and tossed another fortune cookie in my lap when he pulled away, opening one himself.
"When we were younger my brothers and I would play the game where you add 'in bed' to
the end of the fortunes. Makes it more interesting," he said as he broke his cookie apart
and pulled out the paper. "Your self-confidence is well placed... in bed."
"Very true," I said playfully, pulling my fortune out as he laughed. "The one you love will
never let you down."
"In bed," Edward added, smirking. "Goddamn right."
We sat there and opened up all of the cookies, taking turns reading the fortunes to each
other. When there was one left Edward handed it to me, leaning back on the couch as he
watched me open it. I pulled out the paper and munched on the cookie as I opened it up,
nearly choking as I read the words. I coughed and grabbed my soda to take a drink as
Edward took the fortune from me.
"A thrilling time is in your immediate future," he said, reading it aloud. He started laughing
and glanced at me, the attention making my cheeks flame with blush again. "That it is,
tesoro. That it is."
He stood up without another word and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. He led me
from the room, not bothering to clean up or put any of the food away, and quickly checked
to make sure the house was locked up before we headed up the stairs. The moment we
were inside the bedroom his hands were on me, stripping me out of my clothes as he
kicked off his pants. "Impatient, are we?" I asked, taken aback by his eagerness. He
grunted at my question, grabbing my hips and leading me back to the bed.
"Actually, I think I've been more than patient," he said. "But now it's time you finish what
you started, because there was no fucking way I could do it without you earlier."
*****
A noise startled me awake suddenly and I sat up in confusion, rubbing my eyes. I glanced
around the empty room and was stunned when my eyes fell upon the alarm clock, realizing
it was already past noon.
Carefree laughter rang out downstairs and I smiled at the sound, climbing out of bed to
pull on some clothes. There was a barrage of footsteps on the first floor, followed by loud
voices echoing throughout the house. I could tell it was chaotic when I stepped out of the
room, the noises growing louder as I quietly descended the steps. I froze as soon as I hit the
bottom of them, my chest constricting with dread when I spotted a familiar black duffel
bag sitting beside the front door. I'd seen it more times than I could count, sitting in that
same spot, and knew exactly what it meant whenever it was there.
Edward was going away.
My mind was frantic, knowing something had to have come up, and I was about to start
panicking when a voice shrieked nearby, catching me off guard.
"Isabella!"
I glanced toward the source of my name and braced myself, seeing the small girl rushing
right toward me. It was a familiar greeting from her and I laughed as she rammed into me,
wrapping her arms around my waist. She looked up at me excitedly and I couldn't help but
smile as I gazed into her warm eyes. It was still stunning to me, seeing her so happy and
knowing I'd helped to make her that way.
"Hey, Chelsea," I said, hugging her back. "How are you sweetie?"
"Great!" she replied cheerfully. "It's final, Isabella! I have a family!"
"You've had a family for a while now, you know," I said. "We all love you."
"I know but it's real now!" she exclaimed. "I even have a new name! Evanson!"
"Chelsea Evanson," I said, nodding. "I like it."
"Me, too!"
It seemed Esme had taken what I said the day of Dr. Cullen's funeral to heart and on the
way to the lawyer's office for the reading of the will, she'd brought up the subject of
adoption again. I told her about some of the children I'd met in California, focusing on
Chelsea because she always affected me the most. I thought about her constantly when I
was on the road, concerned about how she was doing and worried what would come of her
in the future. Esme seemed intrigued, and a few weeks later she asked if I would fly with
her to California so she could meet the girl.
The moment Esme's eyes fell upon Chelsea, her mind had been made up. She wanted her,
and she wasn't going to take no for an answer. It hadn't been easy, because Chelsea was a
ward of the state of California and they were wary of turning a child over to a family with
alleged criminal ties. Alec's record was clean, a few arrests but no convictions, but once the
seed was planted it was impossible to stop it from growing. The speculations and
insinuations of his position in the organization would forever follow him, just as I knew it
would now always haunt Edward. He could go to school and get a reputable career but it
wouldn't matter much to the government. To them, he would always simply be one of
them.
It took countless phone calls to government officials and thousands of dollars in legal fees
for them to even seriously consider the possibility, but it wasn't until I'd stepped in that
they finally made headway. I'd called my friend Emily on a whim and flew back out to
California, sitting down with her and explaining everything I could. I knew I was taking a
huge risk telling her about my past, considering she could've tried to go to the police about
it. I also knew she could just as well think I was lying and laugh at me, considering it did
sound quite unbelievable that slavery still existed in America in the twenty-first century,
but it was a chance I was willing to take. It paid off in the end, because after she got the gist
of it all she agreed to help me however she could. She went to her father, the senator, and
he was able to pull some strings to get Esme and Alec's paperwork pushed through. A year
ago they had finally been given clearance to take custody of Chelsea and bring her to
Illinois, and they'd been gone for the past week finalizing the adoption.
"Bella, Bella, Bella!" Carlisle screeched, capturing our attention as he ran down the hallway
toward us.
"Hey, Little C," I said, reaching down and roughing up his hair as he stopped in front of
me. "You happy now that your mom's here?"
"Mama!" he exclaimed enthusiastically, turning around to scamper back toward the living
room at the mention of her. Chelsea ran after him and he giggled, his attention diverted.
Changing his course, he ran into the laundry room to hide from her, yelling again. "Hide
seek!"
I laughed but quieted when I heard Edward groan in the living room, sounding upset. "This
is fucking bullshit," he spat angrily.
"Suck it up, bro," Emmett replied with a laugh.
"Kiss my ass," Edward replied. "You fucking cheat."
"I do not," Emmett retorted. "I've never cheated in my life."
I heard Rosalie laugh bitterly. "You cheat at Monopoly."
"And on his fucking taxes," Edward added. "You can't tell me you actually claimed all that
money Dad left you."
"Neither did you," Emmett said.
"So? I never said I didn't fucking cheat."
"How am I cheating?" Emmett asked with disbelief. "It's not even possible."
"I don't know, you tell me how you're doing it," Edward replied.
I hesitantly headed toward the living room, confused as to what was going on, and paused
when I caught a glimpse of the three of them. Rosalie was sitting in a chair across the room
but Edward and Emmett were sitting on the couch together, a board game set up on the
coffee table in front of them. I laughed when I realized what it was, unable to contain
myself, and they all glanced over at me.
"Candyland?" I asked with amusement. "Seriously?"
"They're idiots," Rosalie said, shaking her head. "Esme dropped Chelsea off so she could
run some errands and she asked us to play a game with her, and, well, you see how that's
turned out."
"There's nothing wrong with finishing a game once you start it," Emmett said defensively.
"It's called commitment, Rosie. Once I start something, I don't just give up. I see things
through."
Too bad you don't have the same outlook in bed," she replied with a smirk. Edward started
laughing and shoved Emmett, who shoved him back.
I shook my head at their childish behavior as I walked over, sitting down on the arm of the
couch by Edward. "So I take it Emmett's winning since he's being accused on cheating."
"He is cheating," Edward insisted. "I've been stuck in fucking Molasses Swamp forever and
I can't move until I get a red card."
"How is that Emmett's fault?"
"He stole all the red cards."
I laughed with disbelief as Emmett nudged Edward, telling him it was his turn. Edward
grabbed a card, nearly knocking over their game pieces, and froze when he saw that it was
red. "About fucking time," he grumbled, moving his piece.
"Are you going to apologize for accusing him of cheating?" I asked.
"Fuck him," Edward muttered. We all laughed as they continued to play their game, my
attention settling on Edward. He had already showered, dressed nicely in a pair of black
slacks and a light blue button down shirt. I glanced down at his feet and saw the black
dress shoes which brought back thoughts of the bag by the door. It was his business
clothes, what he wore when he was leaving to do Alec's bidding. He was apparently a
traditionalist and expected his men to look respectable when they represented him, a fact
that Edward wasn't particularly fond of.
"You're leaving," I said quietly, frowning.
"Yeah, I have to go take care of some things," he replied, looking at his watch. "Em's going
to come with me to Vegas."
"Hell yeah, we're gonna hit up the casinos," Emmett interjected. "Do a little gambling."
I eyed them warily, unsure if that was a good idea given Edward's shaky sobriety, but
decided to keep my mouth shut about it. I needed to trust his judgment, and I knew
Emmett wouldn't let his brother do anything stupid. "What time's your flight?"
"We're going to leave as soon as Alec calls. He's going to let us take the private plane,"
Edward replied. "You know, just in case Rosalie goes into labor and Em needs to get back.
Or thinks she's going into labor anyway."
"Fuck you, Cullen," Rosalie replied.
"No, thanks," Edward quipped.
"So what about the wedding?" I asked curiously, interrupting their bickering. "Are you sure
you'll be back by then?"
"Tesoro, nothing's going to keep me from the wedding. I promise you that," he replied. "I'll
be standing at that altar waiting for you, no matter what."
"And the rehearsal?" I asked. It was in two days, but I knew there was no way he'd make it
back that quick. He shrugged at my question, running his hand through his hair anxiously.
"We're going to have to cancel it," he said. "We can just wing the ceremony. I mean, how
hard can it be?"
Rosalie laughed dryly at his words, obviously suggesting it wasn't as easy as Edward
thought, but I just nodded because I knew there was nothing we could do about it. If Alec
sent him away now, knowing how close the wedding was, it had to be important. Edward's
phone started ringing before either of us could say anything else and he pulled it from his
pocket, frowning at the screen. "We're coming, sir," he said as he answered, giving me a
cautious look when he hung up.
"Be careful," I said quietly, trying to fight back the anxiety I felt every time he left. It was
somewhat of a relief that Emmett was going along, but it didn't completely calm my fears.
"I always am. It's just a few days, so don't worry. Barely enough time to miss me."
"I'll miss you as soon as you walk out the door."
"I doubt that," he said, standing up. He leaned over and kissed me quickly as Emmett said
goodbye to his wife and son. "I think you'll be so busy with wedding stuff that you probably
won't even notice I'm gone."
He turned for the door as his phone started ringing again and I bit down on my lip, willing
the tears pooling in my eyes to stay where they were. "Don't worry Izzy Bizzy, I'll keep him
straight," Emmett said, playfully nudging me with his elbow as he walked past. "I'll make
sure he's back in time."
"Thanks, Emmett," I replied. I walked with him into the hallway and watched as Edward
grabbed the duffel bag, turning back to look at me.
'I love you,' he mouthed, his phone to his ear as he listened to whomever was on the line.
"Love you, too," I replied. "Don't forget about your vows."
*****
"Come on, Isabella. Just one."
"I don't know," I said warily, eyeing the small glass filled with the gold colored liquid on the
table in front of me. "I mean, I don't know if I should."
"You should," Alice chimed in from her seat across from me. "I'll do one with you."
She grabbed an empty shot glass from the center of the table and poured some of the gold
substance into it. It was Patron Ahejo Tequila, according to the bottle, but that didn't mean
much to me. All I really knew was that it was hard alcohol, and my friends were
determined to get me to try it. It was my bachelorette party, as they called it, and Rosalie
had said it was vital for us to celebrate. After overhearing conversations about male
strippers and sex toys, however, I'd panicked and insisted they keep it simple.
They begrudgingly agreed, knowing I'd stay home if they didn't, which was how we ended
up at Alec's club with a bottle of tequila sitting in front of us.
"I'll do one, too," a third voice chimed in. I glanced over at my friend Emily and she smiled,
grabbing a glass and pouring herself a shot. She'd flown in three nights ago for the
wedding, arriving around the same time Alice had. I was surprised at how well she fit in
with Alice and Rosalie, grateful they'd been so welcoming to her. I had been worried that
Emily's strong personality would rub them the wrong way, but she'd been an important
person in my life when I first set out on my own so I wanted her to be there.
"I'm not even old enough to drink yet," I said, looking back at the liquor. "I won't be
twenty-one for another few weeks."
"Oh, please," Emily said. I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "As much as you've
been through in your life, you've earned a little Tequila."
"Besides, I'm not twenty-one either," Alice chimed in. "You know Alec doesn't mind. I
mean, he's pretty much your uncle."
"Your very fucking hot uncle," Emily added.
"But Edward..."
"...is not here," Rosalie said, cutting me off. "And seriously, if he were here, I know he'd be
cheering you on. I mean, come on, this is Edward we're talking about here. You honestly
think he'd deny you this moment? I don't."
"No, but... "
"No 'buts', Isabella," Alice said. "Live a little. You only get married once."
Emily snickered, picking up her glass. "Not where I come from," she said. "In Cali you get
married about a half a dozen times before you finally get it right."
Alice and Rosalie both laughed. "Well, Isabella will only get married once," Alice said
confidently.
"If even that," Rosalie added. "I'm still holding out hope that she'll change her mind before
it's too late."
"Not a chance," I said, shaking my head.
"Well, if she does, I call dibs," Emily said jokingly, winking at me. "That man is gorgeous.
And he treats her good, too. I'm all sorts of jealous."
Rosalie grimaced and pretended to gag. "You've got to be fucking blind."
"Oh come on, Rose. You can admit that Edward's good looking," Alice said, "I don't deny
he's attractive."
"Sorry, but no," Rosalie said, shaking her head. "I can't see past the big ass ego and ugly
personality. I've never understood what girls saw in him."
"You're such a liar," Alice refuted with a laugh. "If you honestly thought Edward was that
bad, there's no way you would've made him Little C's Godfather. You even gave him his
middle name. That tells me you see something in him."
"You're wrong."
"I'm not. Tell the truth. You think he's a good guy."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do," Alice said firmly. "You actually like Edward Cullen."
"Take it back!"
"No! Admit it!"
They stared at each other at an impasse and Emily laughed, trying to break the tension.
"Well, / like him," she said. "Any man that would do what Edward did for Isabella is a
damn good man in my book."
"Now that I'll drink to," Alice said. I smiled and finally reached for the shot glass in front of
me, picking it up.
"Me, too."
They wet their hands and dumped salt on it, telling me to do the same. I listened even
though I was unsure of the point, and on the count of three we licked the salt off of our skin
before tipping the shot back. The liquid burned as soon as it hit my chest and I started
coughing, my eyes filling with tears. "Here," Rosalie said, holding a lemon wedge out to
me. "Bite down on it."
The sourness from the lemon dulled the burn a bit and I wiped the tears from my eyes with
the back of my hand, taking a deep breath. "Goodness that's rough."
"Yeah, it is," Alice said. "Let's do another!"
I looked at her incredulously and Emily agreed, quickly filling all three shot glasses again.
"But you said just one."
"Yeah, well, no one really does just one," Emily said. "That's just some shit you say before
you get wasted, Iz."
"Fine," Rosalie said suddenly, crossing her arms over her chest. They rested across her
bulging stomach and I smiled, reaching over and pressing my hand against the side of it. I
loved feeling the baby kicking and, thankfully, Rosalie didn't mind when I did it.
Motherhood had softened her... for the most part, anyway. She obviously still liked to give
Edward a hard time.
"Fine, what?" Alice asked.
"Fine, I admit it," she said. "Edward's not that bad. He's grown up a lot. He actually makes
for a decent babysitter."
"See! I told you! You like Edward Cullen."
"Yeah, I like him. Whatever. Just don't tell him that shit."
"Look at that," Emily said, smirking as she picked up her glass. "Another reason to drink!"
Alice picked up hers and they looked at me expectantly, waiting. I hesitated but wet my
hand, pouring some salt on it while they started cheering. We each downed our shot, the
second one a tiny bit smoother than the first, and I bit down on the lemon as I suddenly
felt lightheaded. My spine was tingling, my limbs just a little looser than before, and I
slouched back in the chair as my body started to relax.
"That wasn't as rough," I declared.
Alice smiled, grabbing the bottle. "Another," she said, pouring liquor into each of our shot
glasses as we held them up. "This time we drink to love and marriage."
"And family," Rosalie chimed in, grabbing her soda and holding it up to join us.
"And sex," Emily said. "Can't forget that."
"Definitely can't forget that," Rosalie agreed.
"Happiness," Alice said, "and friendship."
"Freedom," I added, smiling at the word.
"To freedom," they echoed as we clanked our glasses together. Rosalie sipped her soda as
we threw back our shots and I grunted at the harsh liquid, my chest warming even more
than before. I felt like I was floating, my body abuzz with electricity as a fog seemed to
settle over my brain.
"It's sort of ironic that we're drinking to freedom when you're about to tie yourself down to
someone," Emily said.
"Especially to Edward. That's got to be like a fucking full time job," Rosalie said. Alice
looked at her, quirking an eyebrow, and Rosalie shrugged. "What? Give me a break. Old
habits die hard."
"It's not ironic, really," I started to explain as I reached over, snatching the bottle of liquor
from the table in front of Alice. My words were slurred a bit and I felt odd, like I was
moving in slow motion. I was slightly drunk already, I realized, but I didn't seem to mind it
much as I started pouring myself another shot. I felt good and I knew Rosalie had been
right-Edward would be happy if I let loose a bit. He'd never want his own issues to hold me
back or hinder me from having a good time, so I supposed there was no harm in having a
few drinks as long as in doing so I didn't endanger Edward.
"How do you figure?" Rosalie asked when I didn't elaborate right away. I poured the other
two shots, accidentally spilling some of the liquid, and we drank them down before I
explained.
"Well, it's not ironic that we're toasting my freedom the night before my wedding, because
if it weren't for Edward, I would've never known what it meant to be free."
*****
I stood still as I gazed in the mirror, completely taken aback by the sight in front of me. My
hair was curled, the top half pulled back and secured with pins, and a small gold tiara kept
my veil in place. I was wearing makeup, not a whole lot but enough to be noticeable. My
cream colored dress was simple, one shouldered and long with a train in the back, and I
had on a pair of high heels that matched. It wasn't flashy but it was undoubtedly beautiful,
exactly the way I had always envisioned it. It was stunning, seeing myself that way, like a
lifetime of hopes and dreams was staring back at me in my reflection.
I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and I fought them back, not wanting to ruin
my makeup. It was hard, though, as my thoughts kept shifting to my mother. I missed her
terribly and wished she could be there, imagining how proud she'd be to see me at that
moment. It was everything she wanted for me, everything she always told me I would find
in the world. Once upon a time I'd doubted her, thinking it was impossible, but now it was
finally becoming real.
The door behind me opened and I watched in the mirror as Rosalie walked in, followed by
Alice and Emily. They were my bridesmaids, each of them wearing a light pink, silver and
brown strapless A-line dress. It had a lace bodice and satin sash over layers of tulle skirt,
and they wore high heels that matched. Each of them was stunning in the dress, even the
very pregnant Rosalie who looked like she felt more uncomfortable than anything. Rosalie
and I had grown close over the years and she was my matron of honor, something I would
never have thought could happen when I first met her.
"I can't get over how beautiful you look," Alice said. "Edward is going to pass out when he
sees you."
I smiled. "Is he here yet?"
"Yes, they just got here, rushed straight from the airport," Rosalie said. "He's right down
the hall, actually."
"Really?" I asked excitedly, turning and quickly heading for the door. Alice jumped in front
of me with a wild look on her face and I stopped abruptly, confused.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asked, her hands on her hips.
"Uh, to see Edward."
"Are you nuts?" she screeched. "You can't see him before the wedding!"
"Why?" I asked, not understanding her reaction. She groaned and rolled her eyes as
Rosalie and Emily laughed.
"It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the ceremony," Emily
explained.
"Well, that's silly," I said. "I don't believe that."
"It doesn't matter," Alice said matter-of-factly. "You do it anyway, just in case. You don't
want to jinx yourself."
"And because it's tradition," Rosalie added.
"More like superstition," I muttered as the door to the room opened again. I looked over
quickly, hoping it would be Edward, and found myself slightly disappointed when Esme
walked in instead. She was followed by Chelsea in her white flower girl dress and Carlisle
was tottering behind them, looking sharp wearing his little black suit with his blond hair
slicked back on his head. He was growling and had a fierce expression on his face as he
looked in our direction. "What are you doing, little man?"
"Grrrrr," he exclaimed, scrunching up his nose at me as he narrowed his eyes. "Ring bear!
Grrr!"
I started laughing as he continued to growl. "I told him he was the ring bearer in the
wedding, so he's convinced he's a bear now," Rosalie explained, rolling her eyes. "All
morning he's been doing that shit."
"Shit!" Carlisle yelled, echoing his mother. My eyes widened with shock and Rosalie gasped
as the others started laughing, the sound of their amusement spurring Carlisle on. "Shit!
Shit! Shit!
"No, baby! Don't repeat Mommy!" Rosalie said quickly, scooping Carlisle up in her arms.
"Don't say that word!"
"Shit!" he exclaimed again, starting to giggle uncontrollably. Rosalie tried to shush him but
it wasn't working, the attention only making it worse, so she excused herself and bolted
from the room with him wiggling in her arms. I tried to contain myself as I watched but I
couldn't stop myself from laughing, the entire scene amusing. It wasn't the first time he'd
repeated something he shouldn't, and with the family he'd been born into I was positive it
wouldn't be the last.
"Well, you know he's related to Edward with that mouth," Esme said jokingly, thinking the
same thing I was.
I agreed as I walked back over to the mirror to finish getting ready. We were chatting about
last minute issues, like the fact that I apparently was breaking tradition by not wearing
something blue, when a throat cleared nearby. We all glanced over at the doorway at the
sound, my heart nearly stilling when I saw Alec standing there. "They need the wedding
party," he said, motioning toward my bridesmaids and Chelsea. They smiled excitedly at
me before hurrying from the room, and Esme escorted Chelsea along with them in order to
leave Alec and I alone. I nervously turned away from him, the blood rushing furiously
through my veins as my anxiety skyrocketed.
Alec nonchalantly strolled in my direction and paused behind where I stood, watching me
in the mirror. He was quiet for a moment, just staring, and his silence did nothing to ease
my nerves. Time was ticking away rapidly, everything feeling so surreal. "Principessa della
mafia," he said finally, his voice calm. "When Carlisle first confessed to me who you were, I
told him I couldn't see it. I said you didn't look like one of us."
I bit down on my lip and started fidgeting as he paused, my heart pounding so hard in my
chest that it hurt. He continued to stare at my reflection in contemplation as the corner of
his lips turned up into a smile and I suddenly felt dizzy, my vision hazy as I waited for him
to speak again.
"I see it now," he eventually said, his declaration catching me off guard. I gaped at him in
shock and he cleared his throat again, still uncomfortable with anything even remotely
close to affection. He'd loosened up a bit since Chelsea moved in with them, but he was far
from being loving or parental. I ventured to guess there would always be a coldness to him,
although every now and then he allowed his softer side to shine through in private. "I'll
give you a moment, Isabella."
He walked out of the room without another word, leaving me alone once more, and I
turned my focus back to my reflection. I smiled and the tears started pooling in my eyes
again when I heard piano music start up nearby, thoughts of my mother returning. I
recalled when I saw her that final time in Phoenix, remembering the last words she ever
spoke to me. She said she'd always be with me, in my heart, and the world was a better
place with me out there in it. I'd hesitated that day, not wanting to leave her behind, but
she'd insisted that I go. She wanted me to live my life, to be happy and follow my dreams,
and she knew that day exactly what my destiny was.
Edward.
'He's waiting for you,' she'd said, sensing my fears 'He's where you're supposed to be, not
here. Don't keep him waiting.'
"I won't, Mom," I whispered into the empty room, giving one last look at myself before
lifting my veil and covering my face. I grabbed my bouquet of white roses and walked out
to where Alec stood in the hallway, nervously taking his arm as he held it out to me.
"Are you ready?" he asked as we walked the short distance to the big wooden double doors.
"Absolutely," I replied, hearing the piano music morph from Canon in D to the Wedding
March, signaling our cue to appear.
He led me into the church and we paused briefly at the beginning of the aisle so I could
have a moment to take it all in. My vision blurred from dizziness, the sight before me
completely overwhelming. The pews were packed full of people, some of which I didn't
recognize, and they all stood up the moment they saw us entering. I knew a lot of them
weren't there for me, as they were members of the organization and their families, but I
didn't mind. They came for Edward, a fellow man of honor, and out of respect for the man
that had agreed to give me away. Alec was their boss and we were his family, and I
understood that meant a lot in the world we lived in.
I glanced toward the front of the church and was overcome with emotion when my eyes fell
upon Edward. He stood frozen in spot, staring right at me with a look of wonder on his
face. He was wearing his black suit with a cream colored tie and matching vest, and his
brothers stood beside him wearing the same thing but dark brown. The sight of him caused
me to lose the battle against my tears and they started streaming down my cheeks as Alec
and I slowly started down the aisle. I kept my attention focused on Edward and he didn't
look away from me at all, grinning as we drew near. His eyes raked down my body when I
paused beside him, and he winked when we made eye contact again. I blushed and averted
my gaze, hoping the veil would mask my reaction, but when he chuckled under his breath I
knew he could tell.
Alec let go of me and lifted my veil, nodding at Edward before making his way over to the
front pew where Esme was. The music stopped playing and the priest said a brief prayer,
followed by a collective shuffling as everyone sat back down in their seats. I handed Rosalie
my bouquet to hold and Edward continued to stare at me with a smirk on his face,
happiness radiating from him in waves. I scanned him quickly, something I always did
when he returned from trips... always looking for injuries, making sure he came back to me
intact, and I laughed when my eyes fell on his feet.
"Nikes?" I whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. "What happened to your shoes?"
His smirk grew and he shrugged. "I forgot them."
My tears continued to fall and I smiled brightly as he reached over, quickly brushing a few
of them away while the priest started addressing us. "Edward and Isabella, have you come
here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"
"Yes," we said simultaneously.
"Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"
"Yes," we both said again, not even having to think about it. I could feel it, deep down in
my soul-he was it for me.
"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of
Christ and his Church?"
"Yes," I said immediately, but Edward wavered. He glanced at the priest briefly, tensing up
when he finally spoke the word.
"This isn't customary, but the bride and groom have asked to be able to speak and the
church has happily agreed to grant their request."
Edward stifled a laugh at the priest's words and I tried to refrain from rolling my eyes at his
reaction. I'd learned that you weren't allowed to recite your own vows in a Catholic
wedding, but it had been one of the things that I felt very strongly about, so Edward made
sure I was allowed to do so anyway. I had been put off at first by him blackmailing or
bullying someone because of me, but he'd been quite insistent that he'd simply made a
sizable charitable donation to the church to get them to agree. Bribery, in other words...
Only in our wedding would a priest need to be paid off.
The priest glanced between Edward and me curiously and I cleared my throat, trying to get
the lump that was forming to disappear. "I'll go first," I said nervously, watching Edward to
make sure it was okay. He motioned for me to go ahead and I smiled as I started.
"The first time you asked me to marry you was four years ago on my seventeenth birthday,
although it really feels like it was just yesterday. You told me that morning that it didn't
have to happen that day, or the next day, or even that year. You just wanted me to swear to
you that I would be your wife when I was ready, that I would spend the rest of my life with
you. I'd said yes, of course, and I meant it with everything in me. I knew exactly what I was
agreeing to that morning. We were still young and maybe we were naive, thinking we had it
all figured out, but one thing I never doubted was that we were meant to be."
I paused to wipe my cheeks as more tears spilled from my eyes. "A lot has happened to us
since that day, and we took separate paths for a while, but at the end of it all we came right
back together. With you is where I'm supposed to be. No matter what happens in the
future, I know this is our fate. When I first met you I wasn't sure what to think, because you
were nothing like anyone I'd ever met before. The things you made me feel scared me and I
wanted nothing more at the time than to stay as far away from you as possible, but I
couldn't. I was drawn to you. You gave me hope. You believed in me and helped me, and
most of all you loved me. Me. Out of all the people in the world, you picked me. I was so
used to being overlooked, so used to being invisible, but you saw me. I wouldn't be the
person I am today without you. I love you, Edward Anthony Cullen, and I want you to
know that I'm ready now. I'm ready to be your wife and to spend the rest of my life with
you, because there's no place in the world I'd rather be."
"Sempre," he whispered, choking on the word. I could tell he was trying to keep his
composure, not wanting to crack in front of so many people.
"Sempre" I echoed the word, meaning it with every fiber of my being. He was my forever.
"I'm sure you remember our first encounter, the morning in the kitchen back in
Washington, and what a complete disaster it turned out to be. I didn't expect anyone to be
down there so it freaked me out when I saw you standing in the doorway watching me. I
ended up dropping my orange juice, spilling it all over my pants and the floor. You started
to clean it up, trying to help, and I, uh, well, you know what I did," he said, shaking his
head at the memory. I nodded, smiling sadly as I recalled him snapping and grabbing a
hold of my wrist so I'd stop cleaning. He'd been so angry back then... so broken. Edward
still had cracks in him, scars from where he'd once been shattered, but he was holding
himself together now and that was what mattered.
"What you don't know, though, is that as we sat like idiots in that puddle of juice, having a
showdown over who was supposed to clean it up, all I could think about was how beautiful
you were. You were scared and confused and hurt, and I know I wasn't helping that at the
time, but underneath it all you were just beautiful, Isabella. You had me the very first time
I laid eyes on you, stole my heart right from my chest without me even realizing it.
"I remember thinking later that morning that you were going to complicate my life," he
said, pausing as he laughed quietly to himself. "And complicate it you did. Everything I
knew, everything I believed, everything I thought I wanted out of life... all of it went out the
window that day. You turned me upside down and made me feel again. You pulled me back
from the ledge and saved my life, even though I didn't even realize that it needed saved. I
thought I was fine, that I didn't need anyone else, but I was wrong, Bella, because I do. I
need you. Maybe that's unhealthy because I should be able to make it on my own, and
maybe if I had to, I could. I don't know, and the truth is that I don't even want to know if I
can. Christ, I..."
My eyes widened in shock as the priest inhaled sharply and Edward stopped talking
abruptly, realizing what he'd just used Christ as a curse. "Shit," he spat instinctively,
looking at me with horror when it struck him that he'd cursed again. He started
stammering in a panic but was cut off suddenly when a loud voice rung out a few feet away.
"Shit!"
There was a collective gasp as everyone turned to look at Carlisle, who stood proudly
beside his father with a big grin on his face.
"What are you teaching my son, man?" Emmett asked as Esme jumped up from her seat,
scooping Carlisle up as he started chanting the word.
"Yeah, Edward," Rosalie said behind me. I turned to look at her with surprise, considering
what had happened before the wedding, and she smirked and motioned for me to be quiet.
I shook my head as I looked back at Edward, who was running his hand through his hair
and frantically shaking his head.
"I didn't teach him that godd-"
I knew what he was about to say before the word slipped out and I quickly reached over,
clamping my hand over his mouth before anyone else heard. He stared at me cautiously
and I could see the panic in his eyes as Esme carried Carlisle back to her seat with her,
trying to quiet him down. I smiled softly, so he wouldn't think I was upset at him, and I
watched as he visibly relaxed right before my eyes. I carefully removed my hand and he
leaned forward, brushing his lips against mine. I kissed him back, parting my lips and
softly moaning as his tongue came into contact with mine.
"Not yet, man," Emmett said, grabbing a hold of Edward and pulling him away from me.
"You're getting ahead of yourself there."
The priest cleared his throat, eyeing us warily, and Edward let out an exasperated sigh.
"Sorry, Father," he grumbled.
"Would you like to finish?" he asked.
"Uh, no," Edward responded, shaking his head. "I think I've said enough."
"Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your
consent before God and his Church," the priest said hurriedly, obviously wanting to get the
service over with. Edward reached over and grasped my hand, linking our fingers together
and squeezing gently.
"Edward, do you take Isabella to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good
times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your
life?"
"I do."
"Isabella, do you take Edward to be your husband? Do you promise to be true to him in
good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of
your life?"
"I do."
"You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness
strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men
must not divide."
We exchanged rings at his word and my hand shook as Edward slipped the simple gold
band on my finger, the one I knew belonged to his mother. I gazed down at it as the tears
started falling again, emotion overwhelming me when I heard the priest declare us
husband and wife.
"Now you kiss," Emmett said, nudging Edward. I glanced up again and saw Edward glare
at his brother before focusing on me, his face lighting up with love when our eyes
connected. He grasped my chin gently and leaned forward, my eyes drifting closed as our
lips came together.
His kiss was sweet but there was passion behind it... passion I looked forward to feeling for
the rest of my life.
"Just a few more."

I sighed and tried to stop squirming, but the suit was beginning to fucking suffocate me. It
felt like we'd been standing there for hours as the photographer snapped picture after
picture, posing us in every goddamn position imaginable in order to get a good shot. I did
my best to keep my eyes focused on the camera, not wanting to fuck up the wedding
photographs, but my attention kept being drawn to the woman standing beside me. Half of
the pictures would probably come out looking like I was ogling her, but I couldn't help it.
She was fucking beautiful.
"Relax," Isabella said quietly, sensing my discomfort.
"I'm trying," I muttered.
"Everyone smile!" the photographer shouted. I smiled on demand, ready to get the shit
over with, and he snapped off a few pictures in quick succession. "Alright, I think that's a
wrap."
I exhaled in relief and immediately reached up to loosen my tie. "Thank fucking God. That
shit took forever."
"Oh, it wasn't that bad," Isabella said with a laugh. "It was only like twenty minutes."
I grabbed her hips and she yelped as I quickly pulled her to me. "You're wrong, Isabella
Marie Cullen," I said, smirking as I said that shit out loud for the first time. "It was that
bad, because it was twenty minutes that I couldn't do this."
I smashed my lips to hers, kissing her deeply, and heard Rosalie groan nearby.
"Nauseating," she grumbled. "I don't want to see that."
"Then stop fucking looking," I spat, pulling away from Isabella's lips long enough to get the
words out. She laughed when I went right back to kissing her again, and wrapped her arms
around me as she kissed me back.
"We're heading inside," I heard Jasper say, patting me on the back as he walked past.
"Don't keep everyone waiting."
"Whatever," I grumbled incoherently.
We stood there for a while longer, continuing to kiss, as everyone else filtered into the
banquet hall where the reception was being held. Eventually she pulled away from me,
panting as she tried to catch her breath, her cheeks flushed. "Maybe we should go inside,"
she suggested.
"Fuck that," I said, pulling her back to me. I started trailing kisses down her jaw line,
making my way to her neck. "Let's leave."
"We can't just leave, Edward," she said breathlessly. "These people are here because of us."
"So?" I whispered as I started kissing on her neck. She laughed as she pushed me off of her,
and I sighed, resigned. "Okay, I get it. You're right. We need to go in."
"See?" she said, grabbing my hand. "Don't worry. It'll be fun."
"Yeah, but I think we'd have a lot more fun if we were alone somewhere right now."
"Maybe so," she said, shrugging. "I think there will be plenty of time for that later, though."
"I sure as fuck hope so."
She started to walk away, tugging on my arm, and I begrudgingly moved from the spot I
was standing in. We were met by loud applause the moment we stepped inside the building
and the DJ spotted us, announcing our arrival. Isabella blushed, ducking her head, and I
chuckled as we walked down the path toward the head table at the front of the room. I
thanked everyone quickly as we took our seats, waiting for the staff to bring everyone their
food. A waiter set our plates down in front of us as another came over with a green glass
bottle in his hand and started filling up our glasses. I nodded at him in greeting as he
poured the bubbly liquid in my glass, picking it up and bringing it to my nose when he
moved on to pour Isabella's. I grimaced at the smell and Jasper laughed from his seat
nearby, swirling his drink around in his glass.
"Never thought I'd be sitting at my little brother's wedding drinking Welch's Sparkling
White Grape Juice," he said, shaking his head as he took a sip.
"We have White Jasmine Sparkling Tea, too," Isabella chimed in, matter-of-factly. "And
Vignette Wine Country Sodas. They all look just like champagne but they're alcohol free."
I sighed and sat my glass back down without taking a drink, already not liking the turn the
conversation was taking. There was a separate room off to the back with a bar for the
guests, knowing we couldn't have a goddamn wedding reception with no alcohol available
at all, but it was to be kept away from the main area as much as possible because of me. I
felt somewhat guilty, and even a bit grateful, but at the same time it grated on my nerves. It
was like they all thought I was some fucking fragile asshole that couldn't function normally
because he needed his hand held through shit. It made me feel weak and, even worse, the
discussion about my lack of drinking just made me want a goddamn drink-real bad.
They finally stopped discussing it when everyone had their plates and the DJ spoke up,
saying Grace before we ate. I picked up my fork and poked at the food a bit, but my
stomach was fucking queasy. My palms were sweaty and I started shaking my leg under the
table as my anxiety mounted, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. The
compulsion to drink was still in me and I craved the liquor, my body screaming for just a
little goddamn taste to keep it satiated. I could practically feel the burn in my throat,
needing a little of that warmth in my chest again for old times' sake... just enough to soothe
my nerves and keep the fucking panic attack at bay. I knew that didn't work from
experience, though, because I'd given in to it before. It begged for a tiny sip but it was never
enough, because once I got it, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. A sip turned into two,
which turned into an entire bottle, which eventually led to waking up the next morning
with a splitting goddamn headache, a very pissed off boss and no recollection of what the
fuck had happened the night before.
Yeah, I had no desire to go there ever again.
Isabella reached under the table and grabbed my thigh, forcefully stilling my movements
that were apparently becoming noticeable. I glanced at her cautiously and she smiled, no
signs of anger in her expression at all. She could usually tell when I was struggling and
never judged me for it, always seeming to know exactly what to do to calm me down. "Are
you okay?" she asked, concerned. I nodded as I dropped my fork, running my hand
through my hair anxiously.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," I replied, trying to get myself under control. The tension started
receding from my body as I gazed at her, taking in how downright stunning she looked. She
fucking glowed and my chest swelled with emotion at the twinkle of happiness in her eyes,
hoping she saw the same thing shining back at her. She meant everything to me. My love
for her was stronger than anything else, more potent than the drugs or alcohol had ever
been. She was my world, my fucking life, and now she was my wife on top of it.
My wife... who would've ever thought Edward Cullen would have a fucking wife?
"You should eat your food," she said quietly, her smile turning mischievous as she turned
her attention back to her plate. "You'll need the energy later."
I groaned at the insinuation and picked my fork back up, stabbing at the meat on my plate.
It seemed to be some kind of fucking pork, but I wasn't entirely sure. Esme had handled
the caterers for us because neither Isabella nor I really cared much about the formality of
receptions. I was all about ordering some pizza and letting the motherfuckers help
themselves, but evidently that shit wouldn't fly with the company we kept. "Don't worry,
Bella. I'll have plenty of energy for you."
"Oh, I'm not worried," she said as she took a bite. "I seem to recall a certain fortune cookie
telling me that you wouldn't let me down."
I laughed as I started eating my food, already feeling a bit better. The shakiness was usually
fleeting, although the thoughts were always in the back of my mind. I'd seriously fucking
gotten out of control with the drinking but it wasn't until after Carlisle's birth that I'd
finally realized how bad it was. I couldn't think straight half of the time, my moods
fluctuating so quickly that I knew Isabella could barely keep up at the beginning. I tried to
chalk it up to my grieving, thinking that once it all sunk in and things settled down my
behavior would level back out, but it didn't. It just kept getting worse.
It was the day before my twenty-first birthday, June of 2009 when it all finally came to a
head. I was drunk, like fucking usual, and got called out by Alec with an enforcer to check
on one of our bookies that hadn't paid up. Usually the enforcer handled it on his own, given
that was his fucking job-to enforce shit-but Alec wanted to test me, to see if I could manage
the book runners and keep them in line. I was determined to prove myself and make him
proud of my progress but needless to say, I'd fucking failed horribly. The moment I
confronted the guy he panicked, punching me right in the goddamn nose before turning
and running.
The enforcer caught him and beat his ass down, but I was useless, in a fucking stupor from
the alcohol and blinding pain. I climbed back in my car and leaned my forehead against the
steering wheel, closing my eyes in an attempt to fucking block it all out. Time meant
nothing to me then-it could've been seconds or minutes, or even goddamn hours that I sat
there, blacking out. The next thing I remembered was a tapping on my window and I
opened my eyes to see the last fucking thing I ever wanted to see at that moment... flashing
blue lights.
I was still underage, drunk and sitting behind the wheel of a car with a half empty bottle of
Grey Goose on the seat beside me. I had a loaded handgun on me with the serial number
scratched off, concealed and obviously not fucking registered with the city of Chicago. They
arrested me and I spent the night in lockup, booked for two misdemeanors and three
felony gun charges. I turned twenty-one sitting in a dirty cell with about two dozen
belligerent motherfuckers, waiting to see a judge about bail.
I couldn't call Isabella to pick me up because she was keeping Little C overnight while
Rosalie and Emmett celebrated their first anniversary, so I reluctantly called Esme. My bail
was eventually posted and I walked out at around five o'clock in the morning, expecting to
be accosted by my worried aunt, but instead was met by a very pissed off Alec. He didn't
say a fucking word to me the entire drive home but he was so tense I could practically feel
his anger from the passenger seat. I was in danger of losing what I had been working
toward, knowing he'd fucking take the job in Vegas from me before I even really got it. If I
couldn't handle one small-time local bookie, there was no goddamn way he'd ever entrust
me with the whole franchise.
Alec pulled up in front of my house, guilt eating away at me when he refused to even look
at me or acknowledge I was actually fucking there. I got out and slowly made my way
inside, heading straight into the kitchen. I opened up the freezer and pulled out the chilled
bottle of Vodka, pulling the top off of it. I hesitated before taking a big swig, downing
almost half of it in one drink and allowing the burn to soothe the ache I felt. I stared at the
bottle for a moment as the alcohol made its way into my system and sighed as I turned it
over, dumping the rest of it down the sink drain.
I went up the stairs to our bedroom and found Isabella asleep with a tiny Little C lying
quietly beside her. He was awake and just staring at the ceiling in the darkness, his gaze
drifting in my direction when I walked toward the bed. Our eyes met and he smiled before
starting to babble incoherently and laugh, thrilled to see a familiar face. I grinned as I
watched him, my chest feeling like it was going to fucking burst.
It was at that moment, watching how happy that little boy was to see me, that I told myself
I was done with alcohol. It wasn't worth it and I swore I would never take another drink, no
matter how much I might want one.
Of course I'd fucking lied, because there had been quite a few relapses since then that
usually resulted in Alec having to come pick my drunk ass up somewhere, but I did the best
I could and it got a little easier with time. Mr. Ricci got most of the charges against me
knocked down, but they wouldn't budge on my possession of an unregistered handgun. I
was a convicted felon now, but not because I'd been caught stealing, or because I'd hurt
someone trying to do my duties. No, I was a felon simply because I'd been fucking stupid. I
had a permanent black mark on my record and I had no one to blame for that shit but
myself.
I sat my fork down once again and pushed my plate away before grabbing my glass of juice.
I was taking a drink when Emmett stood up beside me, shoving his chair back as he picked
up his glass. He took his fork and tapped the side of it, calling for everyone's attention.
"I think everyone here knows who I am but in case you don't, my name's Emmett. I'm
Edward's older and wiser brother, although he'd never admit that to anyone. He has,
however, admitted that I'm the best man, and as the best man it's my duty to stand up here
and try to embarrass his ass," he started. I groaned and sat my glass down, shaking my
head. I'd told him making a speech was unnecessary but I should've known better...
Emmett would never pass up an opportunity to annoy me. "There's so much I could say
about my little bro, so many words out there to describe him that it's almost impossible to
know where to start. He's stubborn, foolish, finicky, moody, erratic, quick to judge and
even quicker to react. I tend to think he's pretty ugly, too, and he doesn't seem to know how
the hell to comb his hair, but that's just my personal opinion."
"Fuck you," I muttered, running my hand through my hair without thinking. It stuck up
further when I did it and Emmett snickered, nudging me as everyone else started laughing.
"I forgot to add he has a foul mouth, which you all got to witness today. The priest is
probably blessing the church again right now since he desecrated it," he said humorously,
but I didn't think that shit was very funny. "Some lesser known qualities about Edward are
that he's protective over the people he loves, and he fights for what he believes in. He
comes off as being extremely selfish, but the truth is that he's probably the most selfless
person I know. He's not afraid to sacrifice if he feels it's for the best, although I know it's
the last thing he actually wants to do. Like I said a minute ago, he can be stubborn.
"And then there's Isabella, who has to be the most patient person alive to be able to put up
with him. So strong and talented, so charming and beautiful. At first she and Edward
seemed to be complete opposites, the timid, naive girl that was experiencing everything for
the first time and the jaded, reckless boy that was pretty much sick of it all by that point.
We all expected there to be problems and conflict because of how different they were. I
don't think any of us could've predicted that these two people from totally different sides of
the spectrum would be able to meet somewhere in the middle and find some common
ground, but they did. He helped her open up and showed her what was out in the world,
and she calmed him down and taught him that there were still things worth living for. They
balanced each other, found peace in each other, and together they managed to find love. I
know that sounds cheesy, like I'm quoting out of a damn Julia Roberts movie or
something, but it's the truth. What they have is rare."
I glanced at Isabella and she smiled, reaching under the table to take my hand as Emmett
continued.
"I don't know if you all know this, but in high school my brother was kind of notorious. He
was something of a hotshot football player, the popular quarterback. He let that shit go to
his head a bit, thinking he was invincible, but I'll admit he was actually pretty good," he
said. "I'm not trying to be cliché or anything, but one thing my own marriage taught me is
that relationships are like football in a lot of ways. It's a team sport and you have to work
together to be successful. There are highs and lows, good plays and bad calls, and if you're
going to step out on the field, you need to be ready to play the game. You learn as you go,
watch how the other side works and adapt yourself to it. Big mistakes get you benched,
and, depending on how bad you screwed up, they can cost you a fortune before you're
allowed back on the playing field. There will always be rivals, people trying to knock you
out of the game, but at the end of it all, if you're lucky, you'll end up with a nice ring to
show for your hard work. But it's not over there, you know. That's when it really starts,
because for the rest of your life you'll be trying to prove to everyone that you deserved to
win. That you, out of everyone, deserved to be given that ring."
He paused, snickering to himself before continuing. "That's not the biggest way
relationships are like football, though. No matter what you do, no matter what happens,
the point of both is to score as much as you can. Without scoring, the entire thing is really
just a waste of time."
I chuckled as Rosalie picked up her napkin and flung it at Emmett, rolling her eyes. He
laughed and playfully blew her a kiss before diving right back into his speech. "I think I
should wrap this up. My old lady's throwing penalty flags," he joked, holding his glass up in
the air. "So on behalf of my wife, Rosalie, and I, I want to toast my brother and his new
wife, Izzy Bizzy-one of the most beautiful, sweet, humble, down-to-earth and talented
women ever born. May there be plenty of scoring in their future. To Edward, who couldn't
do better, and to Isabella, who quite frankly couldn't do worse."
Everyone raised their glasses in toast and I leaned over, kissing Isabella briefly as the DJ
spoke up. He announced that it was time for our first dance and panic flashed in Isabella's
eyes as I stood up and took my jacket off. She stood up beside me and hesitated before
letting me lead her out onto the empty dance floor. I could tell she was fucking uneasy,
knowing everyone in the room was watching us, but she tried her best not to let her nerves
show. I pulled her to me when 18th Floor Balcony started playing, my hands on her hips
guiding her as we started swaying to the music. I softly sung the words, my voice just loud
enough for her to hear, and felt her start to relax almost instantly. She put her arms over
my shoulders, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my neck as she stared into
my eyes. I could see the tears she was fighting back, her eyes sparkling under the lights.
She looked happier than I'd ever seen her before and it was stunning, knowing I'd fucking
done that. I'd been the one to make her happy.
"I love you," I said quietly.
"I know you do," she replied, her smile growing. "I love you, too."
"Good," I said, smirking. I ventured to guess I would never tire of hearing her say those
words to me. "I'm sorry for fucking up the ceremony. I guess that shit's not as easy as it
looks."
"Don't be silly. You didn't mess it up."
"I cursed at the priest, Bella," I stated, laughing dryly. "I broke the third commandment. Or
maybe it's the second commandment... I can't even fucking remember."
"It's the third," she said. "And it's really not that big of a deal. I mean, that's not the only
commandment you've broken and I'm sure it probably won't be the last one, either."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I asked, laughing when she shrugged
nonchalantly. "Yeah, well, I didn't break any others standing in the middle of a Catholic
church."
"True, but it could've been worse," she said. "At least you managed to make it through the
entire thing without saying the F word."
"For only the second time in my life," I muttered.
"Exactly, so you should be proud. It's quite the accomplishment for you," she joked.
"Funny," I said sarcastically. "I really wanted to do the shit right, though."
"You did do it right," she insisted. "It was very you, Edward. I wouldn't have had it any
other way."
Before I had a chance to respond the song ended and everyone else converged onto the
dance floor. Jasper immediately pulled Isabella away to dance and Alice took her place in
front of me without hesitation, rattling on excitedly about wedding bullshit through two
entire songs. I stole Isabella back on the third, wanting to be with my fucking bride, and
we danced for a while until it was time to cut the cake. The incident was a disaster, turning
into a full blown food fight as we flung frosting around and tried to smash pieces in each
other's faces. More of the cake ended up on people than in their fucking stomachs, but we
didn't really give a shit when we were laughing and wrestling around.
Afterward we got cleaned up and I took my seat at the head table as Isabella prepared to
throw her bouquet. Jasper took a seat beside me and Emmett joined us a moment later,
still stuffing his face with fucking cake.
"Can I ask you a question?" Jasper asked. I glanced at him and nodded, curious as to what
he wanted to know. "What possessed you to have such a big wedding? This just doesn't
really seem like the two of you."
"Seriously, bro, a Catholic wedding?" Emmett chimed in, his words mumbled because his
mouth was fucking full. "Did you take confession beforehand? I bet that took hours."
"Fuck you," I spat, shoving him and knocking the cake off of his fork. He gasped in horror
when it tumbled to the floor, shoving me back. He stood up and stalked off to get another
piece, grumbling under his breath as I turned back to Jasper. "We actually talked about
eloping. She said I could just take her to Vegas with me and we'd do it there, but it just
didn't feel right. I couldn't just take her to some drive-through wedding chapel. She
dreamed about this her entire life and I couldn't let her memory of the day she actually got
married be of some fat jackass in an Elvis suit."
"Makes sense," Jasper replied. "I guess I always figured you guys would get married like
Mom and Dad did... something small, intimate, maybe at home with family."
"Yeah, we thought about that, too," I said. "It was my idea to have the big wedding, though.
Nothing about us is traditional and I wanted to at least do this, have this one thing, so we
could say we did this shit right. And quite frankly, I wanted the whole world to see it
happening. I wanted every motherfucker we ever met to watch us get married. She spent
her entire life in hiding, thinking people were ashamed of her and that she was worthless. I
wanted her to be seen."
Jasper smiled, amused by something, and I ran my hand through my hair anxiously. "I
know that probably sounds fucking stupid..."
"No, it doesn't," he said, interrupting me. "It sounds...I don't know... sweet!"
"I'll tell you what's sweet-this damn cake," Emmett said, plopping back in his chair. "You
guys see who caught the bouquet?"
"No," we both said, looking out at the dance floor at the same time. I started chuckling
when I saw Alice bouncing excitedly, clutching the white roses.
"Should've figured it would be Alice," I said.
"Yeah, this is her second one, too," Emmett said. "She caught Rosie's at our wedding. She's
gonna expect to get married soon."
"She is," I agreed. "What the fuck's taking you so long?"
"I was waiting until we were out of school," Jasper replied, shrugging.
"Jazz, you're going to be in school for the next ten fucking years," I said. "There's no way
she'll wait that long."
"That's the truth," Emmett said, laughing. "If you don't do it soon, she'll get impatient and
just start planning a wedding, engagement be damned."
The girls joined us again and Alice sat down on Jasper's lap, happily waving the bouquet in
his face. I chuckled as I stood up, headed back out to the dance floor with Isabella for a few
minutes as the reception started winding down. We managed to make it through two songs
before we were interrupted again, something slamming right into us and wedging between
our legs. We stopped abruptly and looked down to see Carlisle standing there, his hair a
mess and face dirty. He had cake on his hands and I inhaled sharply when he clutched on
to Isabella's dress, smearing it all over the bottom of it.
"Uh oh," Carlisle said, immediately realizing what he'd done. He started rubbing the spot,
trying to get the cake off, but it only spread the mess around more.
"It's alright," Isabella said, crouching down beside him. "Uncle Edward got more cake on
me than that, and he did it on purpose."
"Ooohhh," he said, looking up at me with wide eyes. "You trouble!"
"I am," I replied, chuckling. "And she'll punish me real good for it later, don't worry. I'll get
what's coming to me."
"Edward!" Isabella gasped as she blushed, before focusing her attention back on Carlisle.
"Want to dance, little man? I think Uncle Edward needs to cool off."
He smiled brightly in response and she pulled him into her arms, holding onto him tightly
as she stood back up. I kissed both of them on the forehead and started strolling back
toward the front of the room, but stopped abruptly when I caught sight of Chelsea. She was
sitting in a chair off to the side with her hands folded in her lap, quietly staring at the floor
by her feet. She seemed upset, or bored, or maybe she was just fucking uncomfortable, but
the point was she looked lonely and I didn't like that shit. It felt way too fucking familiar to
me.
I walked over to where she was sitting and paused right in front of her. She glanced up at
me, her expression guarded when I held my hand out to her. "Want to dance, sole?"
Her face lit up and she nodded, gingerly taking my hand as she stood up. I walked her out
to the dance floor and twirled her around, smirking when she started laughing. "What's a
sole?" she asked.
"It's a sun," I replied. "Or sunshine, whatever. It's something my mom used to call me
when I was young... said I lit up her world."
"That's sweet," Chelsea said, smiling happily. "What does she call you now?"
I tensed up at the question, not expecting it, and slowly shook my head. "Nothing. She,
uh... she's not with us anymore. Hasn't been since I was about your age."
"Do you miss her?" she asked, genuinely curious.
"Yes," I said. "Every day."
"I don't miss mine," Chelsea said, shaking her head at the thought. "I really don't
remember her."
"Well, I didn't know yours, but she can't be that great of a person if she'd let you go," I said.
Chelsea's smile grew at my words and I twirled her again, glad to see her happy. "You
know, you and I have something in common, sunshine. After I lost my mom, Esme stepped
in to take care of me, too."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she was like a second mom to me for a while."
"I love Esme, she's a good mom," she said, pausing before continuing, her voice quiet.
"Alec's nice, too, but he can be kind of scary."
I laughed and nodded in agreement, remembering how he freaked me the fuck out when I
was young. "Yeah, he can be," I replied. "That's Alec, though. He's harmless but I'll be
honest... he still scares even me sometimes."
The moment I spoke the words a throat cleared behind me and I turned around, freezing
when I saw Alec standing there. I hadn't heard him approach, which wasn't fucking
surprising considering he had a knack for sneaking up on people. His expression was
serious as he stared at me, his posture stiff. "Sir?"
"I need to see you in private, Edward," he said, his tone matching his expression.
"Now?" I asked incredulously. "Can't it wait?"
"No, it can't," he said simply before turning and walking away. I hesitated, glancing back at
Chelsea briefly before passing her off to Jasper and following Alec through the banquet
hall. I tensed up when he headed into the bar area and I kept my eyes fixated on the floor,
my heart pounding erratically as I stepped in the room behind him. We walked through the
crowd of people to a plain metal door in the back and he pulled it open, motioning for me
to go through it before him. I obliged, knowing I had no choice as I stepped inside the
small room, and glanced around curiously when he flicked the overhead florescent light on.
I realized immediately it was a storage area, with metal shelves covered in bottles of liquor
aligning the wall and dozens of boxes sitting around all over the place. There was a plain
wooden table off to the side with some metal folding chairs leaning against the wall, a small
trash can sitting nearby.
"Is there, uh, something wrong?" I asked, the sight of that much fucking alcohol making
me even more nervous than I had been. My skin felt like it was crawling and I suddenly felt
hot, already starting to sweat.
"No," he answered simply. I stared at him, waiting for him to fucking elaborate and tell me
why we were there, but he didn't say another word. He just stood silently, staring at his
watch with an impatient look on his face. It took a moment for it to dawn on me in my
panic that we were waiting for someone else and my brow furrowed in confusion,
wondering what the fuck was so important that he'd pull me away on my wedding day for
it.
The door opened a minute or so later and I looked over, watching as the two familiar men
walked in. It was Alec's Underboss and Consigliere, the guys he'd promoted from Capos
after he took over the organization almost two years ago. They held the most power in La
Cosa Nostra and were arguably the most dangerous motherfuckers in Chicago, if not the
entire goddamn country. Alec didn't fuck around when it came to his administration, only
appointing the strongest, smartest and most lethal men to the highest positions. He made
sure his territory was protected and his business was secure, not tolerating traitorous
behavior from anyone.
There were certain rules that he expected to always be followed and he had a zero-
tolerance policy with the shit, anyone refusing to comply facing the consequences
immediately. At the beginning the turnover rate was outrageous, men initiating one week
only to disappear the next when they failed to fall in line, but after a while it slowed down
when people finally realized they had no choice but to do what he said. He'd taken the
organization back to its roots, so to speak, to the days where you were expected to act like
civil, respectable gentleman in public and only unleash the beast after dark.
He followed the oath to a fucking tee, punishing anyone who disregarded any part of it.
Anyone who knowingly hurt a woman or a child was called in for a sit-down and that
included owning slaves, which Alec had forbidden as soon as he took power. He didn't buy
into any of the excuses they used, saying the entire situation was unnecessary and only
invited more trouble into our lives. If you couldn't afford to pay someone on a regular basis
to do the work you needed done, than you needed to work harder to make more money. If
you were worried about inviting someone into your home and them discovering your
secrets, than you were being too goddamn conspicuous. Anyone who was late for an
appointment, or who didn't pay up on time was reprimanded. Anyone seen associating
with any of our rivals or the police was called in for a sit-down to explain what the fuck
they'd been doing. Fuck, anyone who was caught fucking someone else's wife was even
called in for a sit-down. Anything he deemed as shady behavior, no matter what the fuck it
was, ultimately ended in a sit-down.
And as I stood there in the storage room, gazing at the men who controlled my life, it felt a
lot like a motherfucking sit-down.
I started stammering nervously, telling them I hadn't fucking meant to do whatever it was
they were about to accuse me of, but Alec held his hand up to stop me. He reached into his
coat and pulled out his gun, my mind frantic as I tried to figure out what the hell I could've
done wrong. He walked over and sat the gun down on the edge of the table before reaching
back into his coat and pulling out a small pocket knife. He opened it slowly and my brow
furrowed when he carefully sat it down on the table beside his gun. I stared at the weapons
in confusion, unsure of what was happening because it was how the fucking initiation ritual
always started. I'd been through my own and attended quite a few others so I knew the
process well, but I had no idea why he'd be doing it now.
Alec nodded toward the Consigliere, signifying it was time to start, and the man cleared his
throat. "Edward Cullen," he stated my name, looking at me expectantly.
"Yes, sir." No matter how hard I fought to keep it steady, my fucking voice shook.
"You're married now," he said, stating the obvious.
"Yes, sir."
"Do you love your wife?"
'Yes.
"If her life was in danger, would you sacrifice yourself to save her?"
"Of course," I replied, wondering where the fuck he was going with the line of questioning.
"I have before and I'd do it again."
"Do you trust her?"
"Absolutely."
He turned and nodded toward Alec, who motioned for me to join him at the table. "Cu è
surdu, orbu e taci, campa cent'anni 'mpaci," he stated when I paused beside him. "This is
not a club we belong to. It's a secret society... secret being the key word. La Cosa Nostra,
this thing of ours, is a way of life. There's only one way in and that's how you came into this
room today-you enter willingly. But there's also only one way out, and that's on a slab. You
already took the oath, you know the rules and you also know the consequences of breaking
the rules. If you spill our secrets, you die. Period."
I nodded when he paused, so he'd know I was paying attention, even though I was still lost
on what the fuck was happening. I was dizzy, my throat burning and stomach churning
again, and it was making it hard for me to stay still. I was trying not to fidget, not wanting
to appear nervous, even though those motherfuckers weren't stupid... they knew I was
scared shitless.
"Anyone who turns to the police for help against another man is either a fool or a coward. A
man that can't take care of himself without someone else's protection is both. It's a sign of
weakness and you never show your vulnerabilities. You never let them think they can get
one over on you. You fight your own battles; you don't expect someone else to solve your
problems. We don't initiate you so we can protect you, we initiate you because we believe
you can protect yourself, and by protecting yourself you are protecting La Cosa Nostra. Do
you understand that?"
"Yes, sir."
"Isabella knows our secrets. She has seen our faces and heard our voices. She knows our
names. She's witnessed things she shouldn't have. This one woman could topple the entire
organization, could destroy what we all have vowed to protect with our lives, but yet you
trust her not to. Is that correct?"
"Yes, sir."
"Would you swear your life on that? Would you vow that she is no threat to us, that our
secrets are safe with her?"
"I would."
"Are you willing to vouch for Isabella?"
The corner of my mouth lifted into a smile when it struck me what the fuck he was asking
me to do, relief washing through me. I relaxed almost instantly at the word-vouch.
"Absolutely," I replied with a nod.
Alec picked the knife back up and motioned for me to give him my right hand. "Repeat
after me... I, Edward Cullen, assume the responsibility for Isabella Marie Swan. I swear..."
"Cullen," I corrected, interrupting him without thinking. His eyes narrowed and I tensed
up again, realizing I shouldn't have fucking done that. "Sorry, sir. It's just, you know, she's
a Cullen now."
"I suppose she is. Cullen, then," he said sharply, obviously not happy I'd spoken out of
turn. "I swear she will honor the Omertà and I take the oath again today for her, because
she can't, guaranteeing her loyalty and silence."
I repeated the words and he grasped my hand, palm up. "You will bleed for her today to
signify your commitment, and know that if she is ever to betray us, the rest of your blood
will be spilled. You and she are one in the same. She tells our secrets, you die. Period."
He took the knife and sliced it diagonally across my palm, making me wince. Instantly
blood started oozing from the gash and he balled my hand into a fist, squeezing it tightly. It
caused the wound to hurt even more, searing pain running through my hand and up my
arm.
"This meeting is over and never happened," the Underboss said behind Alec. Alec nodded
in agreement and the Consigliere and Underboss opened the door, quickly walking out and
disappearing as quickly as they came in. Alec grabbed a small white rag from a shelf and
handed it to me, telling me to put pressure on the cut. I squeezed the rag in my palm as he
started for the door, hesitating with his hand on the knob.
"When you asked me to give her away at the wedding, I wasn't just agreeing to walk her
down the aisle," he said, glancing back at me briefly. "Congratulations."
*****
Soft piano music echoed through the room as my fingers carefully moved across the keys.
It was a familiar melody, a song I knew by heart-Debussy's Clair de Lune. I hadn't played
the fucking thing in probably a decade but as I sat there in the dim room, gazing out of the
large window that overlooked the city, I suddenly had the urge to hear it.
Movement across the room caught my eye and I glanced over, my fingers stalling when my
eyes fell upon Isabella. She stood right inside of the lobby, still lingering near the doorway
of the master bedroom she'd come out of. She had on a small black silk robe that was tied
around the waist and had black stockings covering her legs. I could see hints of a garter
belt clipped to them sticking out the bottom of the robe and I groaned, feeling my dick
hardening immediately at the sight. Her hair was still damp from the bath she'd just taken
and hung loosely in waves, all traces of makeup from the wedding gone. She was all natural
and so goddamn beautiful, not needing all of that other shit to turn me on.
"Don't stop playing," she said quietly, hints of anxiety in her voice. I smiled reassuringly
and glanced back down at the keys, starting the song again as she took a few steps in my
direction. She paused at the window and peered out, pressing her hand against the glass.
"It's starting to rain."
"You know, Italians believe it's good luck if it rains on your wedding day," I said. "Sposa
bagnata, sposa fortunata. A wet bride is a lucky bride."
"Interesting," she said. "Kind of like how you picked Sunday for us to get married because
it was supposedly the luckiest day of the week?"
"Something like that," I replied. Maybe I was becoming a superstitious bastard, but I
always knew it was better to be safe than sorry. We needed all the goddamn luck we could
get living the life we lived, and if choosing a certain day for the wedding or praying for a
storm might help, I wasn't too proud to try. It sure as fuck couldn't hurt, anyway.
"Well, too bad I didn't get wet today," she said absent-mindedly. I mixed up a few notes as
I started laughing and she looked at me with confusion.
"Don't worry, tesoro, our wedding day isn't over yet," I said. "I plan to make sure you get
plenty wet before the night's over with."
She rolled her eyes, turning back to the window so I couldn't see her blush. "I can't get over
how beautiful this place is," she mumbled. We were at the Peninsula Hotel, in the
Peninsula Suite with a view overlooking Lake Michigan. It was expensive as fuck but it was
the best of the best, and Isabella definitely deserved the very best.
"Not as beautiful as you," I replied.
"Such a charmer," she said playfully. "What floor are we on, anyway?"
"Eighteenth."
"Seriously?" she asked, laughing. "Do we have a balcony?"
"Uh, yeah," I replied, unsure of why she was asking me that since it was raining. "There's
actually an outdoor terrace with a Jacuzzi."
"Wow, so we have a Jacuzzi on our eighteenth floor balcony?"
It struck me what she'd said and I chuckled- 18th floor balcony. "I didn't even think about
that shit when I booked the room. The best suites are on this floor."
"It's fitting," she replied, walking in my direction. I continued to play the song and saw her
pause beside the piano bench out of the corner of my eye. She slowly started to untie her
robe and I peeked over, stunned when she let it drop to the floor. The music faltered again
as I stared at her, seeing the black see through tank top and matching G-string she had on,
neither one leaving much to the imagination.
Not like I needed a fucking imagination, anyway... I had every inch of her body memorized.
"Fuck," I gasped, pushing the bench back a few inches as she squeezed in between me and
the piano. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she climbed into my lap, swinging her
legs around to straddle me. She ran her hands through my hair before leaning in for a kiss,
her eyes drifting closed as she pressed her lips to mine. I held onto her tightly as I kissed
her back, her lips soft and fucking sweet, like strawberries.
I slowly ran my hands up her back and she shivered, her body shaking under my touch.
Her breathing was labored and she was already fucking turned on, squirming in my lap
and grinding herself against me. I groaned as my dick hardened even more with every
movement of her hips, desperate for some goddamn attention as it started throbbing in my
pants. I could feel her warmth through her flimsy clothing and it wasn't helping me to keep
my cool, part of me screaming to plow into her right that fucking moment. I tried to ignore
it, pushing those thoughts back the best I could in order to focus my attention on her. It
was about her, not me. She was every goddamn thing to me and I wanted to show her that.
I wanted her to know how much I appreciated her, to feel how much I fucking loved her.
She'd given herself to me completely, willingly... not because I was all she knew, but
because I was all she wanted. Out of every goddamn place she could've gone and anyone
she could've been with, she chose to be with me, to stay where it was I was. That meant
more to me than I could ever express but I would do everything in my power to prove to
her that she hadn't fucked up by giving me a chance.
I gripped her tightly as I stood up and she yelped in surprise when I plopped her ass down
on the top of the piano, her feet hitting the keys and sending random notes echoing
through the room. She watched me carefully as I stood between her legs, placing my hands
on her knees before slowly running them up her inner thighs. She tilted her head back and
moaned from my touch, leaning back to prop herself up on her elbows. "La mia bella
ragazza," I whispered, running my hands back down her thighs. I unsnapped the clips for
her garter belt as soon as I reached the top of her thigh highs and slowly started rolling
them down. "No, scratch that shit. That's wrong. La mia bella donna. You're all woman
now, tesoro."
She smiled at my words as she relaxed further, closing her eyes and humming contently. I
pulled her stockings off and let them drop to the floor before slowly running my hands
back up her legs, starting at her toes and going the whole way up her thighs. I continued
the motion for a moment, just caressing her skin, before slipping my fingers under the
sides of her panties and tugging on them. She lifted her hips enough for me to slip them
down and I tossed them on the floor before running my hands back up her legs. She was
moaning, my teasing driving her crazy with anticipation, but I was in no rush and planned
to savor every goddamn second of it.
I grazed her pussy after a moment, smirking when I felt the dampness. "Told you you'd get
wet," I said playfully, caressing her legs once more. She moaned when I nudged them apart
further and leaned in, running my nose along her inner thighs and placing light kisses on
her skin. The moment my lips reached her pussy she reached down and fisted my hair,
pulling my face even closer to her.
"Please," she whimpered, gasping loudly as I gently ran my tongue around her clit. I
pushed two fingers inside of her and started pumping them in and out as I licked every
inch of her, tasting the unique flavor that was my Bella. I'd never gone down on another
pussy before and frankly never would, but I ventured to guess not a goddamn one of them
would ever taste even remotely as good as hers.
"God, yes," she moaned, arching her back and pulling me harder toward her as I started
sucking on her clit. I couldn't help but feel proud at how fucking forceful she could
sometimes be, not at all shy about her body and her needs. We'd come a long fucking way
from the days of Forks, when she was still trying to figure out who she really was. She knew
now, and she wasn't afraid to let it show. To me, there was nothing fucking sexier than her
confidence.
I increased my movements and curved my fingers, trying to hit her g-spot. Once her legs
started shaking I knew I had it so I pumped my fingers faster, pressing my mouth onto her
more firmly. My tongue assaulted her clit as she cried out, her body tensing as she drew
close to orgasm quickly. She gripped on to my hair so tightly that I cringed, sure she was
going to rip out fucking handfuls as she exploded in pleasure. "Oh God, Edward," she
yelled, lifting her hips off of the piano top as she arched her back. Her feet slammed against
keys, loud shrieking notes mixing with her cries.
I continued what I was doing until her body started to relax again, the tension leaving her
almost at once as she loosened her grip on my hair. I pulled my lips off of her pussy and
started kissing her thighs again, slowly continuing to push my fingers inside of her. She
whimpered after a moment and I froze when her body started shaking, about to fucking
panic. I thought she was crying but was stunned when instead laughter rang out, echoing
through the quiet room.
"What the fuck's so funny, tesoro?" I asked, pulling my fingers out of her and caressing her
thighs again. My ego nearly took a hit at the sound, because the last goddamn thing my
pussy eating should provoke was laughter.
"Pretty Woman," she replied, still laughing as she propped herself back up on her elbows
to look at me.
"What?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
"Pretty Woman," she reiterated, smiling. "You know, the movie? This just reminds me of a
scene from it, where Richard Gere's character is playing the piano in the hotel lobby and..."
"Hold on a goddamn minute. I do that and you're lying there thinking about a fucking
movie?" I asked incredulously. She shrugged, smiling sheepishly, and I groaned in
frustration. I grabbed her hips and pulled her off of the piano, quickly setting her back on
her feet. "Come on."
I grabbed her hand and started leading her through the lobby. "What's gotten into you?"
she asked, stunned but not trying to fight me at all.
"I think the real question, Bella, is what's getting into you," I replied, "and the answer to
that question is me. No woman is going to be thinking about a fucking cheesy ass movie
like Pretty Woman after I get them off. That shit's unacceptable. I need to rectify this."
She laughed as we headed into the bedroom and I swung around to pull her to me. I
grabbed the bottom of her tank top and quickly yanked it off, letting it drop to the floor by
our feet. She shimmied out of her garter belt as I unbuttoned my shirt, throwing it to the
side. I removed my shoes and she started unbuckling my belt as my mouth went to her
neck, kissing and nipping at the soft skin. Once she got my pants undone she pulled them
down, along with my boxers. I kicked them off and pressed myself against her as I started
leading her toward the bed, my lips going straight to hers.
She climbed back on the bed and I hovered over her, pushing her legs apart wide enough to
settle between them. My hands roamed her body and I could feel the goose bumps popping
up, her breathing shaky as my fingertips grazed her breasts. I rolled her nipples between
my fingers and tugged on them, causing her to groan against my lips.
I leaned my head down and took them in my mouth, gently biting as my hands roamed her
body some more. Once she was writhing underneath me I reached down and grasped my
dick in my palm, lining myself up at her entrance. I winced, my hand still fucking hurting
from where Alec cut it, but I ignored the pain so as not to alarm Isabella. I'd told her I cut it
on some glass but I was pretty sure she knew differently, considering the fact that she'd
fucking thanked me for it when she cleaned my wound out with peroxide.
I pushed forward a bit, just enough for the tip to slip inside, and she whimpered my name
as she wrapped her arms around me. "You want it, baby?" I asked quietly, trailing light
kisses across her face.
"Yes," she said breathlessly.
"Tell me," I said, kissing up her jaw line toward her ear. "Tell me you want me."
"I want you," she said. "So bad."
"Tell me you love me."
"I love you," she said as I ran my tongue along her earlobe. "More than anything."
"Tell me who you belong to," I whispered in her ear, making her shiver as my breath hit
her. She moaned loudly and gripped onto me tighter, her fingernails digging into the flesh
in my back.
"Me," she replied, absolutely no hesitance in her voice. She spoke assuredly, not even
having to think about the goddamn question. "I belong to no one but me."
"That's my girl," I said, smirking. Her cries echoed through the room as I pushed the rest of
the way inside of her, filling her in one movement. I started off slow, each stroke
deliberate, but it didn't take long for the passion between us to push me forward. My pace
increased, my thrusts faster and harder with each passing minute. Her pussy was warm
and wet, wrapping around my dick tightly. She'd been made for me, molded so we fit
together perfectly, and perfect it was...
More perfect than any goddamn thing I had ever felt before.
"You feel so good," she said, her breathing erratic. She ran her hands down my back, her
nails gently scraping my skin, before resting them on my ass. She pressed down on me as
she palmed my ass cheeks and I pulled her knees up, pushing her legs open further. The
slight shift in position let me thrust deeper and I started pounding into her harder,
knowing that was what she wanted. Although she didn't always say the words, I knew her
signals and could always tell exactly how she wanted it. She moaned as she tossed her head
back and I kissed her neck, running my tongue along her collarbone. "More."
I tried to go deeper but it was impossible with the position so I pulled away from her
quickly, grabbing her legs. I pulled them over my shoulders, lifting her ass up in the
process, and leaned back down on top of her. I pressed my lips to hers as I thrust hard,
filling her as deep as I could go, and she let out a scream of pleasure. "God, yes, like that,"
she yelled into my mouth, the words jumbled as our tongues mingled together.
The rain outside started coming down harder as I slammed into her, rumbles of thunder
vibrating the windows. Lightening briefly lit up the room in spurts, illuminating her pale
body in the darkness. Her eyes were closed and she was biting down on her bottom lip,
attempting to keep her cries at bay but they were escaping her throat involuntarily. I
pounded into her so fucking hard I wouldn't have been surprised if I knocked one of her
hips out of socket, sure I was going to bruise her pelvis. I could tell she was getting close
again, another orgasm creeping up on her quickly. I reached my hand down and started
rubbing her clit as I continued to fill her, wanting to feel her come. Her body seized up and
she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, her face twisting in agonized pleasure as it hit again.
She yelled, her grip on me tightening, and I groaned loudly as I felt her pussy walls
pulsating around my dick. I kept up my pace as the pleasure ran through her body but once
she loosened her hold on me I slowed my movements again. I leaned back and dropped her
legs down to the bed before lying back down on top of her, being careful not to put too
much fucking weight on her, but I wanted to feel the warmth of her body against mine
again.
She opened her eyes and gazed up at me, her cheeks flushed and skin damp with sweat.
Her hands gently roamed my back before running through my hair as I continued to push
inside of her, each stroke deliberate once again. We stared into each other's eyes as I made
love to her, my hands caressing her body. "Ti amo," I whispered, pressing a soft kiss
against her lips. "Non posso immaginare di non averti nella mia vita, lo combatterò ogni
giorno per essere I'uomo di vostri sogni."
I knew she would've only understood part of that but it didn't matter, because she'd get the
sentiment... I fucking loved her. I kissed her lips again gently as I felt the pressure starting
to mount inside of me, knowing I was going to come soon. I groaned and increased my
pace a bit as her fingers continued to run through my hair, sending chills down my spine.
"Fuck, I'm close," I panted, feeling the tingling starting. I thrust a few more times before it
hit and I grunted as the pleasure coursed through me, my dick throbbing. I smashed my
lips to hers as she moaned, kissing her passionately as I spilled inside of her. I wrapped my
arms around her tightly, lying still after a moment as the room filled with the sounds of the
pounding rain and grumbling thunder outside. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest, her
heart rate fucking erratic as she held on to me.
I hissed when I pulled out of her, already fucking missing being inside of her pussy the
moment I was out. I ran my hand through my hair that was damp with sweat and groaned
as I lay down beside her on the bed, pulling her into my arms. She nuzzled into my neck as
she kicked her leg up over me, her hand stroking the trail of hair down my stomach.
She laughed after a moment and I sighed, closing my eyes. "Please tell me you're not
thinking of Pretty Woman again, Bella."
"Actually, I was," she said with amusement, not a trace of shame in her voice. She was
going to be the fucking death of me. "I was just thinking that the guy in Pretty Woman has
nothing on you."
"Alright," I replied, smirking as I kissed the top of her head. "I'll let that shit slide. This
time."
"This time?"
"Yes, this time," I confirmed. "Because in about five minutes we're going again, and I don't
plan to stop until you don't even remember that motherfucker exists."
*****
"Are you sure about this shit, Bella?" I asked, looking at her skeptically.
"I'm positive," she said adamantly, nodding.
"You know once you do this, you can't take it back," I said, wondering if she actually
grasped what the fuck she was about to do. It seemed so simple in theory, and I understood
why she'd want to do it, but actually fucking doing it was a completely different story.
"I know that," she replied, glancing at me with a strange expression on her face. She looked
at me like I was fucking crazy, when really I was beginning to think it was the other way
around. "Why would I want to take it back, anyway? I told you, I'm sure about this."
"Fine," I said with a shrug. I'd given talking her out of it my best shot but she hadn't
wavered with her decision at all. I wouldn't fucking forbid her from it, because it was her
life and she could make her own choices, but I definitely wasn't as sure about it as she was.
"I don't know why you're being so weird about this," she said, shaking her head. "I mean, it
was your idea in the first place."
"You're crazy," I said. That I was sure of now... she'd lost her fucking mind.
"I'm not," she said firmly. "You told me a long time ago that I could do this if I wanted to,
and I decided I want to now."
I sighed in frustration, knowing damn well she was actually right, but I hadn't exactly
expected her to fucking listen to me. "Alright then. If this is what you really want to do it,
let's do it," I said, running my hand through my hair anxiously. "Christ, it's hot out here.
Fucking first week of September and I'm sweating my balls off."
She laughed, amused, but I didn't see a fucking thing funny about what I'd said. Alec
cleared my schedule and had given me two free weeks so that Isabella and I could spend
some time together as a couple. I'd told her she could choose anywhere in the world she
wanted to go and I'd take her on a honeymoon, wanting to give her whatever it was she
wanted. I suggested Hawaii thinking we could have a fucking tropical vacation or Italy so I
could introduce her to our culture a bit more, but she'd chosen the last goddamn place I
ever expected her to choose...
Hell.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't the real Hell, but it was as close as we'd ever been before and it
sure as fuck still felt like it. The sun beating down on us was harsh and even with my
sunglasses on I had to fucking squint to see anything. The air was hot and dusty, so dry
that it burned my lungs to take a deep breath.
Yeah, of all places in the world, she asked me to take her to goddamn Phoenix.
"You know, I promised your mother I would never bring you back here," I said, frowning as
I recalled the conversation we'd had right before she took her life. She asked me to keep
Isabella away from that place and I swore I would, thinking we'd never have a fucking
reason to ever go back. Obviously I'd been wrong, but I'd still promised.
"I'm sure my mom would understand," she said.
"You're sure about a lot of shit, aren't you?" I muttered, pushing up my sleeves. "Fuck, I
need something to drink."
She shot me an incredulous look and I groaned, shaking my head. "Water, Bella. I meant
water. You know, fucking H20?" I said, doing some mock sign language in annoyance. "I'm
dehydrating here."
She rolled her eyes. "I don't remember you complaining this much last time we were here,"
she said. "If you're that thirsty, I have a bottle of water in the car."
She motioned for me to go get it and I turned around, walking the few feet to the silver
Volvo convertible parked near us. It wasn't my fucking Volvo, because Alec admitted he'd
had that motherfucker destroyed in California, but it was as close as I would ever come
again. It was a newer model, a 2010, and we'd rented it for the trip when we landed in
Arizona.
I cursed as I grabbed the door, the metal burning my fucking hand from the sun beating on
it. I fought the urge to kick the fucking car as I glanced around inside, finding the bottle of
water and cringing when I took a drink. The water was hot as piss and did nothing to
quench my thirst, only aggravating me further. I looked over and was about to say
something to Isabella about it, because it wouldn't fucking be me if I didn't complain about
every goddamn thing, but stayed silent when I saw what she was doing. She'd finally
moved from the spot she'd been in for the past twenty minutes and was now standing on
the porch of the big farm house, staring at the front door. I sat the bottle of water back in
the car before strolling toward the house, joining her on the porch. "Do you want to go
inside?" I asked curiously.
"No," she said quickly, her tone firm.
"Why not?" I asked, raising my eyebrows questioningly. "I mean, you own everything
inside of there. You might want to take something..."
"I'm sure," she said, cutting me off. "I don't want any of it."
"Okay, then," I replied, shrugging. We stood quietly for a moment before she reached into
her pocket, pulling out the book of matches she'd taken from the hotel we were staying in.
She opened it and struck a match, tossing it on the porch in front of her. I tried to bite back
my laughter but it was useless and I chuckled as the fucking thing burned out right away.
I'd been right... she clearly didn't know what the fuck she was doing.
She struck another match and tossed it down near the first one, that one also going out
quickly. I laughed again and she glared at me, narrowing her eyes in annoyance. "Look, you
can't just fucking throw down a match, Bella," I said, knowing she was getting frustrated
considering she looked like she was going to bite my fucking head off for it. "You need
more than that to take this big motherfucker down. You need an accelerant or something."
"Like what?"
"Something flammable or combustible, something that will ignite fast. Foam works great
but wicker's pretty good, too," I replied. She cocked an eyebrow at me, eyeing me curiously.
"Burn down many houses, Edward?"
"Maybe," I replied, smirking as I shrugged. I hadn't actually burned any myself, unless you
counted the fucking catastrophe on the reservation years ago, but I'd seen a few taken out
and knew the basics. The organization had a talent for making arson look like an accidental
fire and did it occasionally to cover their tracks, destroying any evidence they might've left
behind. The house we'd left Aro in had mysteriously burned down right after the incident,
his body found by fire officials during inspection. In fact, the place was fucking in flames
before we even made it home that night. Alec never admitted it to me, but I knew that
motherfucker had it burned... probably while Aro was still alive.
Again, better safe than sorry.
"How about gas?" she asked. "Charles used to keep some gas in cans around the back."
I shook my head. "Gas will work, but there won't be any back there. It's been years, Bella. It
would've evaporated by now," I replied, glancing around. My eyes fell upon the car and I
sighed. "Go grab one of the gas cans, though. And I need a tube or some sort, a hose or
something. You think you can find one?"
"Uh, yeah," she said, stepping off of the porch. She quickly headed around the house while
I walked over to the car, opening the gas cap. She returned after a few minutes with the shit
I asked for, along with an old tattered book tucked under her arm.
"I got it from the barn," she explained when she saw me looking at it.
"I thought you didn't want anything of theirs."
"I don't," she said firmly, pausing as she eyed the book nervously. "I mean, it's, uh... kind of
mine, I guess. It's Albert Schweitzer."
"Oh," I said, not needing any more explanation than that. It was the book she'd stolen as a
kid, the only one she'd ever really read before coming to live with us. It looked like it was
falling apart and was probably missing pages, but I understood why she'd be attached to it.
It was pretty much the only thing she had growing up.
I stuck the hose down in the gas tank without another word, not wanting to make a big deal
out of it, and brought the other end to my lips. Isabella gasped, sounding fucking horrified
when I sucked on the hose, but I quickly pulled my mouth off of it and stuck it in the gas
can before I got a goddamn mouth full.
Yeah, it wasn't the first time I'd siphoned gas f

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Emancipation

It’s the year 2005… and today I’m being sold.

I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right.”

“I just thought…” she started.

“How much?” he asked after a moment.

“She’s got potential. I’ll give you 500.”

“I can tell. Did you chip her?”

My brow furrowed in confusion. Chipped?

“What’s your name, child?”

“Isabella,” I said softly, barely audible.

“My name’s Isabella, sir.”

He smiled and nodded. “Well, happy birthday Isabella.”

“Sorry, Mistress,” I said softly.

“Not exactly,” I said. “Is it like in the movie ‘The Untouchables’?”

He was looking at me expectantly, obviously wanting me to say something in response. I

“Twins?’ I asked curiously. He shook his head.

“So what is expected of me?” I asked cautiously.

“So basically cooking and cleaning?” I asked. He nodded.

“Yes, sir,” I said softly.

“I guess I’m just curious why you bought me, sir.”

“That makes sense, I guess,” I said.

“Yes,” Dr. Cullen said simply.

“What?! Where is he?!”

“Charles doesn’t allow breakfast, sir.”

“Christ, you need a cheeseburger,” he muttered. I smiled lightly.

“And he’s the finicky one?” I asked.

I smiled sheepishly, blushing from embarrassment. “No, sir.”

He laughed. “Picky. Particular. Fussy. Big ol’ pain in my ass.”

“It’s Ativan, for anxiety. It’ll ward off a panic attack.”

“Hello Isabella,” Jasper said politely, smiling.

“Hello, Jasper, sir,” I said.

“Hi,” he said. I smiled.

“Sorry,” I said softly, smiling lightly.

“I wasn’t going to hit you,” he said incredulously.

I took it hesitantly. “Thank you, sir.”

“That would be Edward. He takes some getting used to.”

“Okay,” I said softly.

“Sorry,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

“Do you all speak Italian sir?” I asked.

I smiled and nodded. “Yes, sir.”

The boys laughed but I just ducked my head, slightly embarrassed.

“I said on the ground, Cullen!” Coach Clapp yelled.

“I’ll do it,” I said.

“Sorry, sir,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to look.”

“Good morning to you, too, Edward,” she said.

“Yeah, good morning,” I mumbled. “What do you want?”

“Mozart was a fucking genius,” I said. Emmett rolled his eyes.

“Yeah well so is Lil’ Kim,” he muttered. Jasper and I both laughed.

“What?” she asked, all breathy-like, already hot and bothered.

“What the fuck?!” I yelled.

I shrugged. “She’s the easiest to coax into a janitor’s closet.”

“Whatever,” Rose grumbled, annoyed.

“Really?” Rose asked nonchalantly, not even pretending to care.

She shrugged. “I don’t know, why?”

“How old is she?” she asked incredulously.

Jasper laughed bitterly. “Barely sixteen.”

“No. I’ve never actually been inside a store before.”

He froze, his head snapping in my direction quickly. He stared at me incredulously.

“Really?” I asked, smiling back.

My smile fell. Grocery shopping, according to Dr. Cullen, would be up to me to handle. I

“Sorry,” I said softly, glaring at the ground. He sighed.

“Don’t apologize, I volunteered. We’ll figure this shit out together.”

“What’s that?” I asked with my brow furrowed.