ACT I

Scene 1: The Actors

LEON:
Once upon a time...

DARIUS:
In a secret world...

ALEX:
Hidden behind secret doors...

ANDREI:
With dark, winding forest paths...

DAVE:
And trees made entirely out of jell-o...

SONIA:
No, Dave, it isn't made out of Jell-o.
DARIUS:
How many times do we have to say this...

MARIA:
Now you've ruined the beginning...

DRAGOS:
Oh, my Gosh!

DAVE:
What? What did I say?

MARIA:
Ok, let's try it one more time.
ALL TOGETHER:
1, 2, 3... START!

ALEX:
One fine Christmas morning...

SONIA:
In a world very different from ours...

MAYA:
Full of strange words and habits...

DAVE:
And people who were afraid of Christmas Presents!

ANDREI:
Not again. Wait, what did you say

MAYA:
Daaaave! Oh.
ADI:
Hmmmm. Nice one Dave.
IVONNE:
Oh, I like this one.

DAVE:
I know, I know, I know, it's no good. I give up.
I'll just go home.

ALL TOGETHER:
No, no! Dave, that was really good!

DAVE:
No, you're all making fun of me!

IVONNE:
No, Dave, we're not.

DAVE:
Yes you are!

ADI:
No, we're being serious.
DAVE:
You guys are mean!

ALL TOGETHER:
We liiiiiked it!

DAVE:
Oh.. Ok then.

LEON:
So, the people living in this world were terrified
of presents... So, what did Christmas look like in
this world?

SCENE 2: IN THE STREET

LOCK SALESMAN
Change your locks, everyone, change your locks!

CLIENT
Hello, what kind of locks have you got?

LOCK SALESMAN
We've got the tripple locking kind, sure to keep out
Santas and their presents.

CLIENT
I'll have three, please.

LOCK SALESMAN
Thank you, mam. And have a safe, present-less
Christmas.

CLIENT
Thank you, Safe No-Presents Day to you too.
Salesman moves on, selling his locks.
LOCK SALESMAN
Get your chimney locks, everyone, chimney locks on
sale!

Scene 3: AT SCHOOL

TEACHER
Now, remember, children, keep Safe and DO NOT open
ANY boxes that you find lying around. Even unwrapped
boxes can be PRESENTS! Remember. Even UNPWRAPPED
boxes can be presents.

PRINCIPAL
Thank you, Mr. Rogers, for the enlightening
presentation. Alright kids, school lets off early
today.

ALL KIDS
Yaaaay!

PRINCIPAL
Have a safe No Present Day!
Kids start screaming, running around, Principal
keeps speaking, but they can't hear.

PRINCIPAL
Don't open any boxes!

TEACHER
Maybe this is the year they all decide to listen...

PRINCIPAL
That would be a sight to see. I've caught at least a
dozen trying to sneak presents into their friends'
lockers...
Scene 4: OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL

KENNY (10 YEARS OLD)

Here they come! Gimme that!

LITTLE TIMMY (7 YEARS OLD)

Be careful with it!

KENNY
(hides box behind his back)
Hey, Violet.

VIOLET
What do you want, Kenny?

KENNY
Oh, nothing, nothing.

LILLY
Come off it, Timmy, we know you're up to something.
LITTLE TIMMY
Oh, and how do you know that, Lilly?
VIOLET
Hey, Kenny, what's that behind you?

LILLY
(loudly for everyone to hear)
Present! He's got a present!

The PRINCIPAL whistles.

PRINCIPAL
Kenneth Ken Kendall. You put that present down right
now.

KENNY and VICTOR start running. LILLY and

VIOLET do their high five. VIOLET takes out a
paper pad and checks something off a list.

VIOLET
That makes 5 today.

LILLY
The Principal will give us a medal.
VIOLET
The Principal will give me a medal.

LILLY
Hey, I helped.

VIOLET
It was my idea.

LILLY
But I helped!

VIOLET
The medal is mine.
LILLY
It's ours!

VIOLET
Mine!

LILLY
Ours!

VIOLET
Mine!

LILLY
Ours!

LIGHTS OUT.

SCENE 5: HURRY HOME!

LIGHTS ON. Girls still going.

VIOLET
 Mine!

LILLY
Ours!

VIOLET
Mine...

LILLY
Ours...

Three POLICE OFFICERS patrol the area. One is

silent.

POLICE OFFICER JILL

Hey, what are you girls doing out at this time of
night? You run straight home, you hear?

POLICE OFFICER BOB

What were those girls doing out this time of night?

POLICE OFFICER JILL

Kids these days don't know how dangerous No Present
day is...

POLICE OFFICER BOB

Oh, we pulled a few pranks back in our day...

POLICE OFFICER JILL

Remember that one time?

POLICE OFFICER BOB

With the Principal?

They both start laughing.

POLICE OFFICER JILL

Well, alright Bob, time to lock up.

POLICE OFFICER BOB

Have a Safe No Presents Night, Jill. See you
tomorrow.

POLICE OFFICER FRANK

You too, Bob. Bye Greg.

POLICE OFFICER GREG

Bye guys. Safe lock-down.

SCENE 5: POLICE OFFICER GREG at

HOME

The children are inside a fort, telling scary

stories under the flashlight.

KENNY (10 YEARS OLD)

And then, right as he walked in the door, out of
nowhere, a big, fat, smelly present hit him straight
in the-
RACHEL (MOTHER)
Kiiiids! Your dad's home!

KENNY
Aw, Mom, you ruined my story!

RACHEL, the Mom talks to GREG, who just walked

in.

RACHEL (MOTHER)
Finally. Why do you have to be the last one home?

GREG (FATHER)
Rachel, we go through this every year. You know I
have to.

RACHEL
Well, I don't have to like it. Ok, kids, come on!
Locking up time.

THE LOCKING CEREMONY.

RACHEL
Alright. That's it. Now, let's all have a Safe No
PRESENTS day.

KIDS
SNPD.

Just then, there is a hard knock on one of the

nieghboring doors and a voice says:

STRANGER
Hellooo? Is anybody in?

No answer. The STRANGER knocks on the next

door, coming closer to the Family.
STRANGER
Anybody here? Helloo?

No answer, the STRANGER now beats on the

Family's door.

STRANGER
Please help me, kind people. Open the door. Please.

They all stay very quiet. GREG moves to see who

it is.

RACHEL
(to Greg)
Who is it?

GREG
Looks like... Some man with a big beard.
STRANGER
I'm lost. Can you help me?
GREG
We can't just leave him out there.

RACHEL
Ok, we're giving him directions and that's it.

They open all of the locks on the doors and

welcome... SANTA CLAUS!

STRANGER
Thank you, good people, I've been wandering for
hours, I thought there was nobody in this town.

RACHEL
What are you doing here?

STRANGER
Well, I got lost. Someone stole my reindeer and
dropped me through a hole in a cave up in the woods
and I woke up here...

GREG
Well, there's not much we can do now. you can have
some tea for the cold, but then you have to go.

STRANGER
Alright, you're very kind.

GREG
Leave that outside please.

Santa comes in, leaves his bag outside.

Children see it.

RACHEL
Here's your tea.
STRANGER
Why, thank you. So, why is everything barred?

LITTLE JANE (9 YEARS OLD)

You don't know? It's SAFE NO PRESENT DAY!

STRANGER
Oh, NO presents day?

LITTLE TIMMY (7 YEARS OLD)

Yes. Even ugly boxes can be presents.

RACHEL
You're not from around here.

STRANGER
Well, no. You don't have presents?

LITTLE TIMMY
Not one.
STRANGER
Not even on birthdays?
LITTLE JANE
What are birthdays?

STRANGER
Well, a celebration of the day you were born.

LITTLE TIMMY
Mom, on what day was I born?

RACHEL
Oh, on a lovely winter day just like today. A
Tuesday. Right around noon.

Kenny and the toddler, Billy, have snuck

outside and are rummaging through Santa's bag
of presents. Billy is just about to open a
present when Greg, who was bringing a blanket,
sees them

GREG
(to Rachel)
Honey, where are the winter blank-
(sees the children)
Billy, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BILLY (2 YEARS OLD)

Gu-gu-ga-ga - brrrum brrrum.

RACHEL
Billy, don't push tha-

Car begins to sing. Santa starts laughing.

STRANGER / SANTA
Ho-ho-ho little Billy. You like it? It's yours.

RACHEL
What is this? What have you got in your bag?

STRANGER / SANTA
Presents, of course. I'd like all your children to
have some.

GREG
Absolutely not! Get out!

SANTA
But they're harmless, I assure you-

RACHEL
We let you into our house and you-

SANTA
I'm sorry, but look, the children like them...

KENNY
Yeah mom, can we keep them?
RACHEL
No! Put them back!
LITTLE JANE
But mooooom!

KENNY
Come on Billy, it's ok.

LITTLE JANE
Mom, you've upset Billy.

SANTA
I'm sorry if I've caused you distress...

SANTA is kicked out and the family are all

alone.

RACHEL
I told you not to let him in, how could you.

GREG
I'm so sorry, I just had a feeling that he was a
good man...
Just then, Little Jane opens a music box she
snuck from Santa's bag.

RACHEL
What is that?

KENNY
Moooom! Jane stole a present!

LITTLE TIMMY
And she opened it too!

LITTLE JANE
I did not!
Tries to keep music box quiet but cannot.

LITTLE JANE
Kenny stole one too!

Greg goes to Kenny who has stolen a toy gun

that squirts water bubbles. Right then, the
GRANDMOTHER appears.

GRANDMOTHER
What's all this rucus?

GREG
Mom. It's nothing.

GRANDMOTHER
Is that- It can't be...

GREG
No, it's nothing.
GRANDMOTHER
Give me that!
GRANDMOTHER
Look! There it is! But it can't be... It was closed
years ago...

GREG:
What was closed?

GRANDMOTHER
Come with me. All of you.

RACHEL
But the lockdown-

GRANDMOTHER
Santa Claus needs our help. We must go.

GREG
Santa Claus?!!! He's public enemy number 1, Mom!

GRANDMOTHER
No, it was never him! I kept telling people but no
one would listen...
LITTLE TIMMY
Who's Santa Claus?

GREG
He's the reason we lock our doors.

GRANDMOTHER
He's the hero of all children!

GREG
We don't even know where he went.

GRANDMOTHER:
I know where he went. The cave in the forrest.
GREG:
Of course.

KIDS
Can we go, please?

RACHEL
Absolutely not!

GRANDMOTHER
Rachel, look at this music box. Do you truly believe
it's dangerous?

RACHEL
Well I-

GRANDMOTHER
Time to stop being afraid.
WHO REALLY STOLE CHRISTMAS

GRINCH
 May I help you? Would you like a present?

GREG
You're not the man we met earlier!

GRANDMOTHER
You!

GRINCH
Do I know you?

GRANDMOTHER
You're the one who stole Christmas!

GRINCH
Stole? Stole, why I never stole anything not in my
whole life.

GREG
Where's the man who gave us presents?

LITTLE TIMMY
He's right here!

They find Santa tied up. The Grinch tries to

run away.

GRANDMOTHER
Catch that Grinch!

Chase scene. Lights off.

WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE

PRESENTS?

RACHEL
So he stole Christmas that year when we all got
those horrible, mean presents?

GRANDMOTHER
Yes he did. We chased him away and closed the
entrance in the cave... That's why Santa couldn't
get back in...

GREG
And you always knew he wasn't the real Santa?

GRANDMOTHER
Yes, and nobody believed me, they said I was just a
kid.

KENNY
So... does that mean you'll be back every year with
presents?

SANTA
Of course I will, little Kenny. You all take care
now. Ho ho ho!

SANTA leaves, with GRINCH as his prisoner.

GRINCH
I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't
for you pesky kids.

NELLY
How are we going to convince people that presents
aren't dangerous?

LITTLE JANE
Yeah, everyone is still afraid of them.

LITTLE TIMMY
Why don't we just give then what's inside?

RACHEL
I guess we could've done that all along.

They all laugh and start opening presents.

DAVE:
And all the presents were made out Jell-o!
EVERYONE:
Shut up, Dave!

THE END.