Molnar Quest

Episode 3: Are You Experienced?

1.
INT – Molin’s Room – Morning
Torby, Rich, and Casey are sitting in the back of the room, waiting for
class to start.

TORBY
So, I think this makes it official. Brendan hasn’t been in school for a
week; he must be dead.

CASEY
Mission complete! Experience points for all!

They all gain experience points.

RICH
So, Torby, I never asked you this… Did you actually check his body?

TORBY
What do you mean?

RICH
Did you go to the bottom of the cliff and make sure he was dead?

TORBY
Psh, no. I don’t have time for that. Plus, there’s no way he could’ve
survived a fall like that.

RICH
That’s what they all say, right before the supposedly dead guy busts
into their lair and shoots them all to death. Do you know how many
countless adventurers have survived falls even bigger than that?

TORBY
Um… countless?

RICH
Exactly. And when Brendan returns, all half-robotic or whatever, he’s
gonna be super-pissed and get the sickest revenge ever seen.

TORBY
Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.

CASEY (floaty pretend ghost voice)

Foreshadowing!

2.
Intro – Purple Haze – Jimi Hendrix

3.
INT – Molin’s Classroom – Morning
Molin squiggles to the front of the room from her desk, holding a
clipboard.
MOLIN
Well, well, it looks like Brendan’s not here again today. I guess you
kids scared him off, like you do everyone else.

JOY
We haven’t scared you off, yet, Mrs. Molin!

MOLIN
Ah, yes, well… That’s because I’m emotionally numb from spending 20
years in the Dungeon Boss Corps. I’ve slaughtered enough adventurers to
fill this school, floor to ceiling. Of course, you probably wouldn’t be
able to count them accurately, because they were all ripped into
pieces. These tentacles can be very deadly if you know how to use them
right. Anyways, onto business- hey, what’s wrong with you, kid?

Jake is scared stiff, staring at Molin’s lethal tentacles. Molin pokes

at him with one of them as she talks to him. All the color drains from
Jake’s face and he faints and falls out of his chair.
She lifts up Jake by the back of his shirt with one of her tentacles.

MOLIN
This is coincidentally useful. Today’s lesson: what to do with your
KO’d party members.

CUT TO BLACK
FADE TO:

4.
INT – Molin’s Classroom – Morning
Jake is standing next to Molin. She shoves Jake aside as he spits out a
wad of Phoenix Down.

MOLIN
Alright, that concludes today’s class. Your homework for this weekend
is to level up. What are you all, like, Level 15?

ALL
Yeah.

JOY (beaming)
I’m Level 17, Mrs. Molin!

Beat.

MOLIN
Overachiever.

Joy’s smile disappears.

CASEY (shouting)
Amen to that!

Rich elbows Casey for 3 damage.

TORBY (stars in his eyes)

Wow, Level 17! She’s such a dedicated adventurer…
RICH
Oh my god, not this again.

School bell
FADE OUT
FADE TO:

5.
EXT – MSA – Afternoon
Kids are pouring out of the school to go home. Torby, Casey, Rich,
Tony, and Travis are standing outside talking about their homework.

TONY
So what are you guys thinking of doing for Molin’s homework?

RICH
I dunno. But there are a lot of good dungeons in Woodbury. We should
meet at Casey’s house tonight and decide where we want to go.

Willie walks up to them, wheeling something box-shaped covered in a

white sheet.

TORBY
Um, hey, Willie. What’s that?

Willie clears his throat.

WILLIE (shouting as he rips off the sheet)

Gentlemen, behold!

Underneath the sheet is a mobile rack covered in bags of yellow goo.

RICH
What in God’s name is that?

WILLIE
Aha, I thought you’d ask, simple-minded peon! They’re raw experience
points, extracted from a thousand Level 1 Slimes and Wild Boars!

TONY
That seems like so much more work than it’s worth.

WILLIE
You won’t be saying that when you spend your whole Saturday leveling up
while I spend it gorging myself on the sweet, sweet life essence of
tiny woodland animals! Mwahahaha!

Travis begins eyeing the rack.

CASEY
So I guess that means you won’t be coming over tonight, Willie?

WILLIE
Don’t make me laugh, feeble adventurer!

CASEY
So that’s a no. What about you, Travis?
TRAVIS (suspicious-like)
Um… I gotta, um, pick my parents up from the skyport. Or something. I
mean yeah. That’s what I’m doing.

Willie begins pushing the rack back away. Travis watches it go.

CASEY
Suit yourself! I guess you won’t get to hang out with us, then!

TRAVIS
Yeah, that’s- whatever. Bye.

Travis walks off.

6.
INT – Casey’s Basement – Night
Torby, Casey, Rich, and Tony are standing over a map of Woodbury. There
are several thumbtacks in it.

TONY
So that’s a no on the Sewers…

CASEY
Good God, what does that even leave left?

RICH
Uh… Shack Town. The only one we all agree on.

TORBY
Gah! It’s so unoriginal! And it’s right next to the freakin’ school! I
don’t want to be back there on the weekend!

RICH (threatening)
But it’ll have to do, won’t it, Torby?

TORBY
For the sake of getting this stupid homework over with, fine.

TONY
Oh, hey, who’s gonna be party leader?

Everyone stares blankly.

RICH
Re- responsibility?

Tony groans and mumbles flakily.

Torby and Casey look at each other quickly.

TORBY
I call it!

CASEY
I call- dammit! The one time you beat me! Argh!
TORBY (singsong)
I get to be in charge of you! I get to be in charge of you!

CUT TO BLACK
FADE IN:
Titlecard: Saturday
FADE OUT
FADE TO:

7.
EXT – MSA – Day
PAN TO:
EXT – Shack Town
There are a few cars parking in the school parking lot. Torby’s
caterpillar party (Torby, Casey, Rich, Tony) walks towards Shack Town.

CUT CLOSER to Torby, who stops in front of a car.

TORBY
Hey, isn’t this Joy’s car?

CASEY
How would I know?

TORBY
It is her car! I recognize the license plate! I guess she came to level
up here, too.

RICH (quietly, to Tony)

Her license plate? What is this shit?

TORBY
Onward, party!

CUT TO a side view of the party. They walk through the rest of the
parking lot, into the bushes, up a hill into the woods, and into a door
in the outside of Shack Town. The camera stays stationary once it
reaches the doorway, and the party disappears inside.

8.
INT – Shack Town – Entrance Hall – Day
The party walks along the narrow but illuminated entrance hallway.

TORBY
You know, I feel like we should have balanced our party better. Like,
with an actual melee class, not just a bunch of dorks who can’t handle
anything at close range.

TONY
Well, Travis could have been here, but I called him this morning and he
fed me some bullshit about his grandma being over or something.

9.
INT – Willie’s Lab – Day
Willie enters his lab, where two NPC lab assistants have set up a fancy
dining table with candles and wine and everything. Willie sits in a
tall chair. One NPC ties a lobster bib on him while the other brings
over a packet of raw experience and empties it onto his plate. Willie
dismisses them and begins to eat. He takes a few spoonfuls of
experience and begins to notice they taste funny.

WILLIE
That’s odd… I don’t feel any more experienced… And this tastes kind of
strange, too… Oh my god! It’s applesauce! AAAAAAAAAAAH!

He runs over to his rack of bags. He rips one open and eats a handful.

WILLIE
It’s- it’s ALL APPLESAUCE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DISSOLVE TO:

10.
INT – Travis’s House – Living Room - Day
Travis has several full and empty packages of the raw experience he
stole from Willie. He is currently eating a bowl of it. He levels up.
His stat menu appears with 5 skill points.

TRAVIS
Yeah, whatever. I’ll do it in a sec.

He pushes the stat box offscreen and eats more. The box pops up again,
with 10 skill points.

TRAVIS
Dammit, I said I’ll do it in a second!

He eats more. More boxes begin to pop up at progressively shorter

intervals, closing him in.

TRAVIS
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

11.
INT – Shack Town - Foyer – Day
Erik’s party (Erik, Joe, Andrew, Jake) and Joy’s party (Joy, Kelsey,
Christine, Erin) are standing in the room. There are two doorways on
the back wall.

ERIK (making motions as he tells the story)

-so I just took that mic stand and went <BOOSH!> right up his ass.

The guys grunt about how macho and awesome that is. The girls giggle
and swoon (except for Erin, who rolls her eyes). Torby’s party
approaches the back of Joy’s party.

ERIN (to Torby & Rich, who walk up next to her)

You know, every time he tells that story, it’s a completely different
description of the fight.

RICH
Who, your brother?
ERIN
Yeah.

TORBY
Wait, what story? What’d I miss?

ERIN
You know, the one about that guy at the county fair.

TORBY
Oh yeah. That one.

ERIK
Did I just sense sarcasm directed at me?

TORBY (coldly, in greeting)

Erik. Nice to see you’re still being a dick. Keep up the good work.

ERIK
Hey, Erin, stop making these retards feel like they’re welcome here.

TORBY
Fuck you, Erik! It’s a public dungeon! I can be here if I want!

He charges at Erik, slapping wildly at the air, but Erin holds him back.

RICH
Dammit, Torby, how many times have we gone over this? You know he’ll
kick your ass.

ERIN
Yeah, kinda like this.

She one-foot-punches Torby offscreen for 40 damage.

RICH
Wow, nice one.

ERIN
Family technique. Plus, Ninja twins, you know, we got all that good chi
going for us.

CASEY (to Erik and Joy)

So you guys decided to come here, too?

KELSEY
I thought it was unoriginal. And guess what, it was, because you losers
decided to show up here, too.

JOY
Sorry about her. We just couldn’t decide on anything else.

KELSEY (cont’d, aside)

And it’s right next to the freakin’ school. Who wants to be back here
on a weekend?

ERIK
For the record, I was the first one to think of coming here.

ERIN
You are such a liar! You only wanted to come here because I said me and
my friends were going to be here and you wanted to hit on-

ERIK
Shut it, woman!

ERIN
Don’t you tell me to shut it!

They shout incomprehensible insults at each other and begin sibling-

fighting. Joy and Joe pull them apart. Erik dusts himself off.

ERIK
Anyways, we’re wasting time. Let’s get this stupid-ass project rolling.
Come on, party, we’re going this way.

Erik and his party leave through the left doorway.

JOY (trying to find an excuse to follow Erik)

Um, alright, party, I- uh… Let’s go that way, too.

ERIN
You too? Are you kidding me?

Their party exits through the left doorway.

TONY
Well, if they’re all going that way, there aren’t going to be many
monsters left there for us to fight. Let’s go in the right doorway.

TORBY
Oh, fuck that. I am not going to stand by while Erik and Joy are alone
in the dark.

CASEY
Alone in the dark? More like screwed in a poorly-lit situation.

TORBY
Don’t… say “screwed.”

RICH
And they’re not going to be alone, either…

TORBY
Anyways, shut up! I’m party leader; I get to make the decisions! We’re
going this way!

Torby exits through the left doorway and the rest of his party
reluctantly follows.

CASEY
Damn you, straws and your bad decisions! I will have my revenge!

12.
INT – Shack Town – Stair Chamber – Day
The staircase in the room leads upwards. Erik and his party enter the
chamber and take the stairs. Once they are gone, the stairs shift so
that they are leading downwards. Joy and her party enter next and
follow them down. They walk through a doorway and the stairs move back
to the up position. Finally, Torby and party walk in and up the stairs.
The stairs go back down after they leave.

13.
INT – Shack Town – Upper Chamber – Day
There are two doorways on either end of the back wall. A rock is in
front of the one on the right. Erik walks into the room through the
right door, pushing Andrew in front of him.

ERIK
How about you go first, meat shield!

ANDREW
Isn’t the party leader supposed to be in front…?

Erik pushes Andrew into the rock. Andrew trips over it for 10 damage.
The rock wakes up, revealing that it is a Cleft (from Paper Mario).

JAKE
Way to go, meat shield.

ANDREW
Stop calling me that!

ERIK
Hey, this gives me an idea. Check it out: so Joy comes around the
corner and gets ambushed by this Rock Demon, right? Then I come in and
KO it in one hit, save the day, and Joy will totally want me.

While he talks, the Cleft slowly walks into the doorway. As soon as it
is out of sight, a girl’s scream is heard.

ERIK
That’s my cue!

Erik jumps around the corner and KO’s the Cleft with one kick. He poses
all cool and manly-like, but turns to see Casey holding Torby, Scooby-
Doo style.

14.
INT – Shack Town – Lower Chamber – Day
Joy and her party walk into a dark hallway lit by torches. Christine is
busy texting.

JOY
Hey, Christine, would you mind sharing some of that light? I can’t see
Erik up ahead. Luckily, we managed to make it through that pitch-black
room back there… I thought for a second we were likely to be eaten by a
Grue. So anyways, how ‘bout that light?

CHRISTINE
Hold on a sec. I’m texting.
JOY
Texting who?

CHRISTINE
Kelsey.

JOY
Wait, Kelsey? What? She’s right there in front of you! Can’t you just
talk to her?!

CHRISTINE
No, we’re saying mean things about you behind your back.

JOY (hurt / confused)

You- wha?

Suddenly, a trapdoor opens up underneath the party. Joy, Kelsey, and

Christine fall in, but Erin jumps forward at the last second and lands
on the opposite side of the pit.

ERIN
Woah. Good thing I made my reflex save.

A gust of wind billows up from the depths of the pit and blows out all
the torches on the walls.

ERIN
Great. Ninja senses, don’t fail me now… Fuck. I have no idea where I
am.

Erin closes her eyes.

ERIN
I pick… this way!

She opens her eyes and walks off.

15.
INT – Shack Town – Upper Chamber – Day
Torby and Erik are staring each other down. Their respective parties
stand behind them, ready to back them up.

TORBY (tensely)
So, Erik, why don’t you tell us the real reason you’re here?

ERIK
Homework, bitch.

TORBY
Oh really? Just homework? Are you sure you don’t have any… other
intentions?

ERIK (scoffing)
Like what?

Torby grabs Erik by the shirt and pulls him close enough to whisper.
TORBY (whispering angrily)
We all know what you’re doing, Erik! You could date any girl in the
school, but you pick the girl I’ve had a crush on ever since I came
here, just to torment me!

ERIK (reassuring at first)

Relax, Torby. That’s not how it is at all. You see, I only “happened”
to pick Joy because I know there’s no way you’ll ever have a shot with
her, so it’s not like I’m ruining anything for you. I can’t wreck
what’s not there, comprende?

Erik pushes him back.

TORBY
I’ll break your legs!

ERIK
You wanna turn this into a fight, asshole? Bring it on!

Erik’s party steps up alongside him. He pushes them back.

ERIK
There’s no need for that, guys. I can handle this douchebag on my own.

Torby’s party remains behind him.

TORBY
Wait, uh… are you guys going to help me at all?

RICH
No man, this is your fight… Besides, it’s against the rules to go four-
on-one.

TORBY
What rules?

RICH
The unwritten rules of the universe. Now go get ‘em, tiger.

He shoves Torby towards Erik.

TORBY
Well, ok… I can totally smoke him on my own anyways.

ERIK
Let’s do this!

MORTAL KOMBAT ANNOUNCER

Round 1! FIGHT!

TEXT BOX
Torby casts Fira.

Torby begins chanting his spell while magical energies build up around
him. Erik looks around sarcastically before walking over and proceeding
to beat the crap out of Torby with a deadly series of air-juggling
combos. Torby falls down, bloody and beaten.

MK ANNOUNCER
KO! Flawless Victory!

Erik cracks his knuckles.

MK ANNOUNCER
Round 2!

Torby jumps up.

TORBY (panicking)
No, wait! No Round 2! I give up! Uncle! Uncle!

ERIK
Ha! I always knew you were a coward and a weakling, Torby.

TORBY
No, you’re a cow lord!

ERIK
Come on, let’s get out of here. The stench of failure is clogging my
nostrils.

ANDREW
And my pores.

Beat

ERIK
Who said you could talk, meat shield?

ANDREW (screaming)
I HAVE A NAME!

Erin does several flips through the doorway on the left side of the
screen and lands behind Erik’s party.

ERIN
Hey, it’s you guys… Uh… I kinda need some help. Joy, Kelsey, and
Christine fell in a hole.

JOE
That sounds like the saddest adventure ever.

ERIN
It kinda was. Anyways, I think they fell down pretty far. We need to
somehow find a less painful way down and get them out of there.

RICH
Wait a minute, how did you guys not end up in the same room as us?

ERIN
We were kinda wondering what happened to you guys. I have absolutely no
clue where I am right now, so I can only assume there was a staircase
we walked by.

JOE
How did you miss the only staircase in the room?

ERIN
The down stairs?

Tony curiously peeks out the right doorway, the one they came from.

JOE
No the up… what?

ERIN
Anyways, I’m confused as hell. Let me just show you the way I came from.

Erin leads Erik’s party out through the left doorway, the one she came
from.

CASEY
Well, should we follow them?

TONY (from the doorway)

Hey, guys, I think I found the problem.

16.
INT – Shack Town – Stair Chamber – Day
Torby’s party walks out onto the upper ledge. The stairs are in the
down position.

TORBY (mind blown)

Woah, they move!

Casey walks forward and jumps down onto the stairs. The rest follow.

17.
INT – Shack Town – Bottom of Hole – Day
Brendan walks by in leg braces, reading an atlas. He pauses by a subtle
pile of hay.

BRENDAN
Ah, my physical therapy is going well. Soon I shall be well enough to
return to the surface and HAVE MY REVENGE!

Joy, Kelsey, and Christine’s screaming can faintly be heard echoing

down the hole.

BRENDAN
What’s that?

He begins looking around for the source. He eventually looks up and

realizes what’s happening.

BRENDAN
Oh no! AAAH!
He slowly limps out of the way. Joy, Kelsey, and Christine land in the
pile of hay.

BRENDAN (spiking the camera)

You thought they were going to land on me, didn’t you? You sick bastard…

Joy pokes her head out of the hay, followed by her two companions.

JOY
Whew. That was conveniently placed!

KELSEY (suspicious)
Almost too conveniently…

JOY (surprised, then awkward)

Oh, hey! Uh, Brendan! What are you doing here?

BRENDAN (internal)
Oh, crap! They’re going to find me out! What are they even doing here?
Adventuring? That’s as good an answer as any…

BRENDAN (out loud)

I’m adventuring. Solo. You know, just enjoying the many fine dungeons
Woodbury has to offer.

CHRISTINE
You mean you’re just adventuring for fun? Who does that?

JOY (mumbling)
I do…

BRENDAN
Uh, yeah, I was uh… sick the last couple of days. That’s why I’m
adventuring. Trying to catch up for when I go back to class.

JOY (still awkward)

Oh, that’s, uh, cool, I guess. Way to stay ahead of the curve! <nervous
laugh>

BRENDAN
Thanks…

Awkward silence.

JOY
So, hey, we should probably get out of here. I mean, uh, get going. You
know, important leveling up project to do.

BRENDAN
Hey, do you guys mind if I join you? It looks like you only have a
party of three, so y’know, there’s room for more…

JOY (not wanting to be mean)

Um……… Sure.

BRENDAN
Cool. I know a quick way out of here. Follow me!

Brendan leads the way. Joy, Kelsey, and Christine climb out of the hay
pile and brush themselves off. Kelsey shoots Joy an incredibly angry
look. Joy shrugs sheepishly.

18.
INT – Shack Town – Dragon Room – Day
The room is pitch black. All that can be seen is Torby’s party’s eyes.

TORBY
I can’t see shit in here! No wonder they fell in a hole, jeez. Someone
give me a light.

Rich’s lighter flicks on, creating little light.

RICH
I didn’t know you smoked, Torby, but here you go anyways.

TORBY
God dammit. I mean a flashlight or something!

RICH
Oh. Be more specific next time. I could have thought you were asking
for a light beer.

TORBY
How would that even make sense?

Casey turns on his flashlight.

CASEY
There, got it. Now will you two shut up?

RICH
He started it.

Casey waves the flashlight around the room, looking for the exit. The
light lands right on the face of a sleeping dragon.

CASEY
Hmm…

Casey begins flipping the light on and off. Torby tackles the
flashlight out of his hand and turns it off.

TORBY (whispering loudly)

Dammit, Casey! Stop it! God damn, stop it!

CASEY
What?

TORBY
It’s a fucking dragon!

CASEY
Oh. So what are we waiting for? Let’s kill it! We’re here to level up,
aren’t we?

TONY (philosophical)
You know what they say: it’s best to let sleeping dragons lie.

CASEY
I swear, I’ve heard that before…

TORBY
Way to follow advice, Casey. Let’s just sneak the fuck out of here.

19.
INT – Shack Town – Tall Stairs - Day
Brendan leads the way up the stairs. Christine is behind him, and Joy
and Kelsey are behind her, having a whispered argument.

KELSEY
Why did you agree to let this dipshit on our team?

JOY
I… I felt bad for him!

KELSEY
WHAT?!

JOY
Well, he did get killed because I tried to make him leave my party…

KELSEY
Yeah, after he shot up the place! Besides, it was Torby and his idiot
friends who killed him. And he’s not even dead! You’re not obligated to
him in any way, so stop making us have to put up with this moron!

JOY
It’s a little thing called guilt, Kelsey! Maybe if you knew what that
felt like, you wouldn’t be such a bitch!

KELSEY
Such a what?!

JOY (suddenly rational)

I’m sorry, Kelsey, that was completely untrue and uncalled for. I lost
my temper.

KELSEY (suddenly rational)

That’s okay, I was undermining your decisions both as a party leader
and as a friend. Are we cool?

JOY
Yeah.

They hug.

JOY and KELSEY (super happy, shouting)

B-F-F!
Brendan and Christine stop and stare at them.

KELSEY
We’re BFF. What’s wrong with that?

Beat

BRENDAN
Yeah, we’re BFF, guys!

The girls stare angrily at him. He laughs nervously.

BRENDAN
Anyways, is it dark in here? I have- there’s a light switch up here.
That I saw once.

He quickly scampers up the stairs.

BRENDAN (internal)
We totally are BFF.

20.
INT – Shack Town – Broken Bridge Room – Day
The room is dimly lit by torches. Joe, Andrew, and Jake walk by. Erik
and Erin bring up the rear a few paces behind. The camera PANS with
them as they reach center screen.

ERIK
So, I think it’s time I revealed my true intentions for being here.

ERIN
You came here to spend more time hitting on Joy, yes, I know, and for
that I regret talking about my life at all during dinner last night.

ERIK (slow on the uptake)

Oh, yeah… So, like, my ture intention is to spend more time hitting on
Joy and stuff so that maybe she’ll hook up with me.

ERIN
I would say you were the one who got the looks, but we’re twins.

ERIK (cont’d, ignoring Erin)

You’re like friends with Joy and stuff, right? So maybe if you, like,
talk to her and tell her how awesome I am, and tell her to go out with
me, she’ll go out with me.

ERIN
This is the most juvenile thing I have ever heard, but I can only
assume you won’t stop pestering me until you get a date with her.

ERIK
Yeah… Hey, are you mocking me?

ERIN
What would you do about it if I was?

JAKE (OS)
You guys!

PAN TO the end of the hall. The floor has broken off, leaving a large
gap that is impossible to scout in the darkness. Joe, Andrew, and Jake
stand at the edge.

JAKE
What do we do now?

21.
INT - Shack Town – Breaker Room – Day
Brendan flips a switch on a panel on the wall. Electrical lights turn
on all around.

22.
INT – Shack Town – Broken Bridge Room – Day
All five in Erik’s group stand at the edge of the pit.

We ZOOM OUT to see the pit is caused by a broken-off section in the

suspended hallway. Far below is a similarly cracked-open hallway.

ERIN
I thought that jump was pretty big.

MEDIUM SHOT of Erik’s party.

ERIK
Well, what are you waiting for? Make it again!

Erik shoves her. She loses her balance, but barely manages to push off
before she falls.

ERIN
ASSHOLE!

Erik jumps down behind her. Jake sprouts wings and dives down. Joe
hovers down using a jetpack. Andrew tries to jump, but misses. He falls
into the darkness, screaming. The camera PANS with him as he falls past
the bridges.
In an open-walled staircase below the lower bridge, Joy, Brendan,
Kelsey, and a tired-out Christine climb the stairs. They watch Andrew
fall past them.

JOY
Hey! It’s Andrew! Erik must be just up the stairs! WE’RE COMING, ERIK!

She begins running up the stairs.

CHRISTINE
Oh, god, why?! My thighs are too sexy for this kind of torture!

23.
INT – Shack Town – Lower Chamber – Day
Torby and his party walk along.

TORBY
You know, I have no idea how they missed this hole with all those
lights on.

TONY
They just turned on, idiot.

They stop right next to a doorway in the wall, with a staircase down.

TORBY
Hey. A staircase.

Joy and her party run up the stairs. Joy stops Flinstones style before
she runs into Torby. Brendan runs into her and falls on his ass. Kelsey
trips over him and goes flying. She lands on her face next to Torby.
Christine barely reaches the top of the stairs and collapses in the
doorway.

JOY
Hi, Torby!

TORBY
Oh, hey, hi. We were looking for you guys. The three of… OH SHIT!

BRENDAN (subtly evil)

Hello, Torby.

TORBY
OMIGAWD BRENDAN’S BACK FROM THE DEAD!

BRENDAN
Dead? No, I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Torby. I was merely ill for the
past week. Nothing permanently debilitating. But now I’m back on my
feet and ready to seize the day once more.

Torby is dumbstruck with fear. Joy has noticed the tension.

JOY
Oh, hey, Brendan… You know, I think I dropped my GPS somewhere down at
the bottom of that pit… Tell you what, if you can find it, you can have
it. I was thinking about buying a new one anyways.

BRENDAN (back to his dorky self)

Really?!

He runs back down the stairs to go get it.

JOY
Oh my god, that was awkward. We had to walk all this way with Brendan.
Good thing we found you guys and I had a legitimate reason to get rid
of him.

TORBY
I’m just glad he didn’t kill me or anything.

JOY
Guess you got lucky. Let’s hurry up and get out of here before he comes
back.
Joy, Kelsey, and Christine begin walking past Torby and his party.

TORBY
Wait! I gotta to warn you, there’s a huge-

Gravel falls from the ceiling onto the brim of Torby’s hat. He looks up.

JOY
There’s a huge what?

TORBY
There’s a huge crack in the ceiling!

TONY
Tell them about the drag-

The ceiling gives out and a chunk of concrete falls and crushes Torby
and his party. On top of the chunk are Erik, Erin, Joe, and Jake.

ERIK
What’s up?

JOY
Erik!

KELSEY
You found us!

TORBY (severely muffled)

We found them!

ERIK
So now that we’re all together, let’s get you girls to safety.

Erik holds out his hand and Joy takes it. Together, the two parties
walk off. Erin, second-to-last in line, pauses. Christine stops behind
her.

ERIN
Are we forgetting something?

CHRISTINE (shrugging)
I dunno.

ERIN (snapping her fingers)

Andrew!

CHRISTINE
Who?

ERIN
Meat shield.

CHRISTINE
Oh.
Christine walks by. Erin shrugs and follows her.

CASEY (muffled)
What about us?!

24.
INT – Shack Town – Dragon Room – Day
The room is now lit up by Brendan’s electrical lights.

ERIK
So me and my muscles were in the park the other day…

JOY
Oh, I love your muscles!

ERIK
Yeah, me too.

They walk head-on into the dragon’s snout. It wakes up with bloodshot
and sleepy eyes and becomes irritated at the electric light. It stands
up, stretches, and exhales a blast of smoke into Erik’s and Joy’s
faces.

ERIK
Ew. Morning breath.

The dragon stands at full height and lets out a mighty roar.

JOY
Ooh, a boss fight! This is so exciting!

Erik rips his shirt off and screams primally as he leaps into battle.

JOE (to Kelsey)

This looks strangely dangerous…

KELSEY
I think this is what Torby was trying to warn us about. But screw him.
I’m going to fight this dragon just to spite him! Ha ha!

Kelsey charges ahead.

JAKE (as he walks towards the dragon)

Seven on one? This hardly seems fair, even for a boss battle.

JOE
It’s called raiding, stupid.

JAKE
That makes it sound acceptable! Let’s go kill shit!

Jake, Joe, Erin, and Christine run into the fray.

CUT TO the fight. All seven MSAers stand around the dragon, hitting it.
The dragon can hardly decide who to target and the seven students take
it down easily. It collapses and its skin fades off, leaving only a
skeleton. Everyone levels up twice.

CHRISTINE
Two level-ups? That’s awesome.

ERIK
I know I am. Now let’s get out of here, because I’m far too cool for
school.

They walk out.

25.
INT – Shack Town – Lower Chamber – Day
Torby and his party have pushed themselves out of the pile of rubble
and are dusting themselves off. Tony is the last one out.

CASEY
Good thing we had those Phoenix Downs with us!

Rich coughs out a red feather.

RICH
I’m still pretty sure that’s not how we’re supposed to use those.

TONY (holding his hands out)

Casey! Potion!

Casey takes a can of Cork from his jacket and tosses it to Tony. He
catches it, opens it, and chugs it.

TORBY
Now let’s get moving. We still have to freaking level up. What a waste
of a Saturday.

They walk out. We PAN with them.

PAN TO the Dragon Room. They walk in and stop at the dragon skeleton.
Torby stares, dumbfounded.

TORBY
GOD DAMMIT!

RICH
Well at least we didn’t have to fight that.

TORBY (ranting to no one in particular)

Are you telling me that Erik comes in here, drops a fucking concrete
block on me, and kills a goddamn dragon right in front of the girl of
my dreams?! And I still haven’t finished this fucking homework project!
This is all that bastard Erik’s fault! He thinks he can just do
whatever he wants ‘cause everyone thinks he’s hot shit. “Oh, look at
me, I’m Erik, and I can do a million push-ups, but I don’t have a fiber
in my brain devoted to intelligent thought.” And of course, every girl
in the fucking world just eats that bullshit up because they love
assholes like Erik who treat them like shit. What the hell doesn’t Joy
see in me? I’m smart; I’m funny; I’m well-mannered!
While Torby rants, in the background, Casey, Rich, and Tony encounter a
goat demon, fight it, and kill it. As Torby delivers his final line,
his face is splattered with goat demon blood.

TORBY
What just happened?

RICH
Oh, yeah, we just killed a goat demon. Without you. Sorry.

CASEY
I can feel the experience flowing through me!

TORBY
Hey, maybe I got communal experience points, being the party leader and
all.

They line up. Casey levels up, Rich levels up, Tony levels up, and
Torby gets a “Miss”.

TORBY
DAMN IT!!!

CASEY
Well, it looks like you’ll be spending the rest of your weekend
leveling up by yourself, Torby! Ha!

Torby pulls his hat over his face and walks off.
ZOOM OUT:

26.
INT – Shack Town – Brendan’s Security Room – Day
Brendan watches Torby’s party leave on one of the monitors.

ZOOM OUT:
The room is fully revealed. Brendan is writing a list:

“People Who Lied to Me:

Torby
Casey
Rich
Tony
The Liberal Media
Joy”

BRENDAN
Never did find that GPS.

Brendan calmly puts down the list and presses some buttons. The view of
the Lower Chamber appears stretched out over all the screens. Brendan
rewinds the tape.

TORBY (on tape)

…the girl of my dreams?!

Brendan fast forwards a bit.

TORBY (on tape)
What the hell doesn’t Joy see in me?

Brendan pauses the tape.

BRENDAN
Well, well, well, Torby… Your friends may have slaughtered the dragon I
was going to sic on you for my revenge, but now I believe I’ve found
the weakness that will make my revenge far, far more delicious. I will
make you suffer, Torby. YOU SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF BRENDAN!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Brendan still has a pen in his hand from writing his list. Still
laughing like a madman, he throws the pen at the wall, where he has set
up a bulletin board with a banner at the top reading “Ways to Destroy
Torby”. Brendan whips the pen into it with deadly ninja accuracy. It
hits a photo of Torby, Rich, and Joy and pierces Torby through the
forehead.
FADE TO:

27.
Credits – Start A War – Static X

28.
EXT – A field – Day
Torby is lazily cleaving apart a swarm of Level 1 Slimes. He gains 1
EXP with each KO.
Suddenly, rocks tumble away from the bottom of a cliff face nearby.
Andrew crawls out.

ANDREW
Fresh air? Sunlight? I made it! I’m alive! HAHAHAHAHA!

Torby watches him perplexedly, turning slightly to kick a Slime away

from his ankle. He levels up.

TORBY
Hey, I leveled up! Sweet! I didn’t even need to fight the boss!
Friggin’ waste of time…

He walks away.

ANDREW
Boss?

A Giant Slime rolls into the field, watching Torby go. It looks down at
Andrew, to its left. Andrew chuckles sheepishly. The Slime slaps its
face down on top of Andrew, inhaling him into its blue, goopy insides.
Andrew bubbles something unheard. The Giant Slime rolls back into the
woods.

END.