Allison Blumenthal

Mrs. Wold

ERWC/ Period 5

24 January, 2020

Reflective Paragraph

While rewriting this essay, I was kind of surprised with how bad it was. The commentary

about the quotes was really bland. I would just rewrite the quotes words as my commentary and

not go into depth about what the quote had to do for the essay. I improve this essay by adding

sufficient commentary for all of the evidence I had put in the essay for the first time. I added

strong, more in depth commentary and connections from the text to the topic of the essay than I

had before. I believe that this essay is a stronger model than it was before because the reader can

have a clearer vision of the segregation in school today and how it reflects that of the 1960s. I

also fixed my citing of the authors after using a quote from them. The first time that I wrote this

essay, instead of putting the last name and page number, I put the title of article or book. This

time, I found all of the authors and page numbers that the quotes had been pulled from and redid

my citing.