Amour

Music: Michel Legrand

Lyrics: Didier van Cauwelaert, Jeremy Sams
Book: Didier van Cauwelaert, Jeremy Sams
Premiere: Sunday, October 20, 2002
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1. OVERTURE

Paris, Montmartre.
Just after the second world war.

2. OFFICE LIFE

The Ministry of Post. DUSOLEIL, a minor civil servant,

types while his four colleagues sing of the joys of their
existence.

EMPLOYEES
Oh, life is thoroughly delightful,
Stuck in the office all day long.

BERTRAND/CHARLES
You might expect it to be frightful,

CLAIRE/MADELEINE
But on the whole you would be wrong.

EMPLOYEES
Oh, what a lovely sense of freedom…

BERTRAND
Hundreds of letters flooding in.

BERTRAND/CHARLES
Nobody ever gets to read ‘em
They go directly in the bin,

EMPLOYEES
Yes, in the bin.
So life is marvelously simply.
No intervention from the boss.

CLAIRE
Am I developing a pimple?

BERTRAND (looks at his newspaper)

I’m stuck on 25 across.

EMPLOYEES
That’s what we do and who can blame us?
That’s how we make it through the day.
Still someone manages to shame us.
Who’s always scribbling away?
It’s Dusoleil.

CLAIRE/MADELEINE
While we’re relaxing, what does he do?

BERTRAND/CHARLES
Works through his lunch break and his tea.

CLAIRE/BERTRAND
He’s doing twice as much as we do.

EMPLOYEES
Boy, he’s a busy little bee.

BERTRAND/CHARLES
Oh, it is clear

EMPLOYEES
That we dislike him.
Strangely he never says a word.

CLAIRE/MADELEINE
Difficult not to want to strike him.

BRETRAND/CHARLES
Well, what the hell, he’s just a nerd…

EMPLOYEES
The office nerd.

DUSOLEIL (typing)
“Dear Mama, it’s been ages since I dropped a line to you.
I wrote you on Wednesday and I know today is Friday…
But the office has been crazy, with a thousand things to
do.
So everything’s been busy and my head is going dizzy,
I’m as jumpy as a monkey in a zoo…
But though it’s nearly 5 o’clock and I have found the time
to write to you,
It’s really yours sincerely who’s been doing all the work.
As usual the others have been driving me berserk
By shirking, not working.
Their dedication’s minimal, they’re criminally slow
And counting off the minutes till it’s time for them to
go.”

BERTRAND
It’s two minutes to five!

DUSOLEIL
“ The reason it’s so busy here is simple to relate:
You know Monsieur Lacrosse, the man who’s always been the
boss,
Well, he is leaving here today as he is over 68.
He’s like a mad professor and I’m hoping his successor is a
little more severe and less sedate.
And apropos the other questions that you asked about my
life:
Yes, my cat is doing fine, and no, I haven’t found a wife.
You ask me if I’m seeing someone, in a sense I am…
I’m gazing in wonder
At someone unattainable whom I don’t even know.
I’ve seen her in the square but never dare to say hello.
With filial devotion, your son Marcel Dusoleil.
Dated 1950 on the 25th of May.”
The clock strikes five. The EMPLOYEES rush off.

3. GOING HOME ALONE

DUSOLEIL
When you go home alone,
There’s no-one there to phone,
No need for, “Darling, I’m afraid
That I might be delayed.”
So if you miss your train
Or get caught in the rain,
There’s no one there who’d dare complain.
And it’s not that I’ve not got things to do:
I’ll read a book or two,
I’ll feed my cat or make a stew…
And as the lights dim over Sacre Coeur,
I’ll search for her, the lovely Isabelle.
I always know she’s there
Because there’s magic in the air.

DUSOLEIL spots ISABELLE, but retreats, too timid to

approach her. She sits, leafing through a movie magazine.

4. OTHER PEOPLE’S STORIES

ISABELLE
Other people’s stories,
Other people’s lives,
Socialites and film stars,
Cheating on their wives.
Debutants in ball gowns,
Young and fancy free,
People on adventures.
Not me…
Other people’s intrigue,
Other people’s sin.
Why does David Niven
Live with Errol Flynn?
Other people’s secrets
Bursting to be told,
Hotbeds of excitement.
Mine’s cold.

Jean Cocteau and Jean Marais

Have fallen out with Charles Trenet.
Frank Sinatra’s in Montmartre
In a silver Chevrolet...
And where is Greta Garbo?
And who is Howard Hughes?
It’s other people’s stories
And other people’s news.
You won’t find my story
In a magazine.
A young girl from a convent
All of seventeen.
Then she had a suitor.
His beard was turning gray.
Imagine her reaction – dismay.

Mother said “ Be grateful.

You’re not to make a fuss.
Love will happen later,
That’s how it was for us.”
Mother said, “He’s wealthy,
Be gad of what you get.”
Love will happen later?
Not yet…

Other people’s secrets,

Bursting to be known.
My mysterious husband
Has secrets of his own.
Me, I have my daydreams…
Until they all come true
Other people’s stories will do.

DUSOLEIL watches her go.

5. THE STREET VENDORS’ WALTZ

PAINTER, NEWSVENDOR & WHORE
Oh, if you go to the Rue St. Vincent
In the 18th Arrondissement,
We are the people you’re likely to meet.
We like to work the street.

PAINTER
I’ll paint you beautiful views,
Garish concoctions of yellows and blues.

NEWSVENDOR
I sell the news.

WHORE
I’ve particular favors to sell,
My clientele
All know me well
And I can boast I’m the toast of Montmartre.
I’ve been with Jean Paul Sartre!

ALL THREE
So if you go to the Rue St. Vincent
In the 18th Arrondissement,
We are the people you’re likely to meet.
We like to work the street.

This is the chorus we’re forced to repeat

All about life here on the street.

WHORE
It’s tough on the back

PAINTER
And the brush

NEWSVENDOR
And the feet.

ALL THREE
But everyone has to eat.

Two POLICEMEN take “rent” from the vendors and hand it to

the PROSECUTOR.

POLICEMAN 1
Ev’ry day from ten o’clock till luncheon
I swing my truncheon,
I sorta swagger past the citizens
And offer them continuing protection

POLICEMAN 2
Which on reflection they are all delighted to accept from
us.

BOTH
Then we can save them the time by collecting all their
rent…

PROSECUTOR
… and 25 percent goes to me and my…
Well, I wouldn’t like to call them henchmen,
They’re honest Frenchmen
Who know their duty and the fact that I’m the prosecutor
gen’ral and bailiff,
You’ll die in jail if you dare to dare to disagree.

DUSOLEIL observes ISABELLE watering flowers on her balcony.

ISABELLE
I wonder why
I keep killing all my flowers
Though I water them for hours,
Still they somehow seem to languish and die.
And my pastries always burn.
All my enterprises turn into disaster.
I try my best, but it’s always my worst.
I fed our goldfish so often they burst.
Try as I may, all my tulips seem to droop
And this pool of yellow gloop
Is the remnants of a lemon soufflй.
While I’m trying to be a wife,
I can feel my life is drizzling away.

Each person repeats their own refrain.

ALL
So if you go to the Rue St. Vincent
In the 18th Arrondissement,
We are the people you’re likely to meet
On the Rue St. Vincent… forever.

6. DUSOLEIL WALKS THROUGH THE WALL

DUSOLEIL
This journey home alone
Is all I’ve ever known,
Another evening on my-

As he reaches his landing, the lights go out.

The power’s gone out.

Oh, what a bore.
Just when I’m standing here by my door.
How can I cook, read a book, take a shower
When the powers-that-be
Keep on cutting the power?
I’ve dropped my key.
Ah, wish I could see.
Stuck on the landing dying to pee.
Saving on light,
Fine, but not every night
This peculiar tingling,
I don’t feel quite right…

The light comes back on.

Now they’re back on,

Typical that.
Now where have my keys got to?
He notices he is inside his apartment.

I’m in my flat.
Wasn’t I just outside my door?
How can I trust my senses…

The light goes off again.

I cant’ see any more.

I need a match.
I need a light.

He notices he’s outside again.

… Is that right?
How about that?
This is my mat,
The one on my floor
Outside my door.

The light comes on again. DUSOLEIL’s leg is not visible.

The door is still shut

And I’m out in the hall.
Oh my god, where’s my leg?
It’s gone right through the wall!

It’s home for tea just before me.

If there’s no wall here,
Then what’s this that I see?

He steps completely out of the wall

Is it my brain?
Am I insane?
This is a wall but not a wall at all.

God, what is this neurosis?

Some terrible psychosis?
I need a diagnosis,
Gotta find out what the doctor thinks.
Yes, I’ll go make an appointment.
He might give me an ointment
Or put me on some pills
Which’ll cure my… oh,
It’s all my imagination,
All total aberration,
No need for medication.
Still it’s better to be sure.
I’ll go and see the doctor now,
Maybe he can help somehow.
He’s around the corner
So I’ll ring the bell and walk straight through the door…
Things are getting serious!
I’m totally delirious!
I’d definitely better get my head examined now!

We are now in the shabby office of a local DOCTOR.

7. THE DOCTOR

DOCTOR
I am Dr. Roquefort,
Doing my best to earn my keep.
Thanks to dubious dealings during the war,
I’m illegal, and that’s why
I’m cheap.

DUSOLEIL enters the DOCTOR’s office… through the wall.

DOCTOR
God! A patient!

DUSOLEIL
You’re surprised seeing a patient walk through a wall?

DOCTOR
No, the surprise is seeing a patient at all!
DUSOLEIL
What is happening to me?
What is happening to me?

DOCTOR
Go and stand over there.
Raise your arm in the air.
God, it’s trembling like mine.
Mind you, mine’s due to wine.
Stand up straight.
Count to four.

DUSOLEIL
1, 2, 3…

DOCTOR
That’s great, now lie down on the floor.
That’s surprising, ‘cause you
Should be falling right through
And it’s odd that you’re not,
But it’s clear what you’ve got
So I’ll briefly tell you what’s what.

You’ve got Proto-para-psycho-neuro-glandular-depressive-

schizoform-espresso-semi-dormant-pathological-repressed-
transmural syndrome.
And I know what to do.
(handing him a bottle of pills)
Take a couple of these.
They should cure your disease.
They should harden your blood and your sinew,
But if you continue to suffer, then come and visit me
please…
I can also prescribe
Something you can imbibe.
Anybody who drinks
Saves fortune on shrinks.
When I’m treating the blues,
I use what we doctors call “booze.”
You’ve got a case of…
DOCTOR/DUSOLEIL
Proto-para-psycho-neuro-glandular-depressive-schizoform-
espresso-semi-dormant-pathological-repressed-transmural
syndrome.

DOCTOR
I’ve got a case of wine…
Should a headache ensue,
Drink a liter or two.
After that you’ll feel fine. (Exits)

DUSOLEIL is alone in the street. He turns to the audience

and tips his hat, shyly.

8. AN ORDINARY GUY

DUSOLEIL
I don’t deserve your attention.
I’m hardly worthy of mention.
I’ve got a job and a pension.
Nothing remarkable,
Nothing strange very strange.
I got to work on a Monday
And to the park on a Sunday,
Never suspecting that one day
My life would suddenly change.

I’m just the guy living down the hall,

A normal, ordinary Joe, that’s all
Who’d never dream of walking through a wall at all.
It’s all beyond comprehension.
Why me? A slave to convention
Without an ounce o pretension.
So earthly reason why anyone should care.
You might have walked by me on the stair
And not have noticed that I was there,
But now my boundaries have turned to air.
I was a monk in a cloister,
But now my world is my oyster.
If I can walk through the door,
Then life’s not dull anymore…

Now I can wander the world,

Why should I squander my life behind closed doors,
When I can take a look at yours!?
But where on earth would that get me?
It might scare me, it might upset me.

Still life’s acquired a dimension

That’s quite beyond comprehension.
Was this divine intervention?
(He puts the pills in his pocket.)
I won’t need these anymore.
I wonder what it’s all for?
What’s it for?

The office. The new BOSS is examining a piece of paper.

9. DUSOLEIL’S REVENGE

BOSS
Dusoleil! Come in here!
What’s this sentimental nonsense
Which has landed on my desk?
Tear it up straight away.

DUSOLEIL
It’s a letter to my mother.

BOSS
To your mother?
You’re grotesque!
Why to her?

DUSOLEIL
I’m her son…

BOSS
If we compromise on discipline,
there’s very little left.

DUSOLEIL
But my work had been done.

BOSS
Writing letters in official time is tantamount to theft.
You beware,
Yes, you beware unless you want to get the sack…

DUSOLEIL
Now that isn’t fair.

BOSS
And if you dare to answer back
Then you may find that this epistle
Is the cause of your dismissal
If you’re obstinate, recalcitrant and slack.
(BOSS chases DUSOLEIL back to his desk.)
Back to work.
Don’t forget that you’re a clerk
Who’s paid to work in office time.
You are a jerk, you’re an amoeba, you are a slime.
You make me sick.
You and your cat can go to hell,
I hope she gets mange,
I hope your mother does as well.
“Oh, it’s really yours sincerely who’s been doing all the
work,
As usual the others have been…”
yada yada yada.
If the world behaved like you,
we’d all be writing to our mothers
And then criticizing others,
so I’m giving you a confidential tip:
Don’t behave like a drip.
(BOSS exits to his office.)

DUSOLEIL
Like a drip? Like a drip?!
How dare you come in here and cast aspersions on my mother
and my cat.
Here’s my reply:
(stuck his head through BOSS’ wall)
that you’re a peasant and I hope you die!
(runs back to his desk and types)
“… and both were sent in triplicate and then
Attached to copies of your previous correspondence then for
accuracy’s sake…”

BOSS (runs to DUSOLEIL)

Du-Du-Du Dusoleil!
But your head was po-, po-, poking through the wall
And then it spoke.
Yes, I swear it was there.

DUSOLEIL
Sorry sir, I don’t quite get the joke.

BOSS
No, nor do I.
I’ll say goodbye.
(exits)

DUSOLEIL
“That I have to inform you that your letter has been lost
since it was sent to our department by mistake”…
(sticks his head through the wall)
Surprise surprise!
What do you know?
I am the Wallman come to say hello!
(he goes back to his typing)
“It had been shredded on the seventh floor
And pulped on the eleventh floor
And later used to fertilize the flowers on the roof…”

BOSS(enters)
Du-Du-Du Du-Du-Du
You’re still typing over here and yet your head was over
there.
DUSOLEIL
Over where?

BOSS
On the wall.

DUSOLEIL
No no no I’ve just been sitting here,
I haven’t moved at all
From my chair since ten to three.

BOOS
It can’t be him.
It must be me.
(exits)

DUSOLEIL sticks his head through the wall again.

DUSOLEIL
Doo-doo-doo-doo!
Looking at you!
I am the beast of Section 22.
Boo!

BOSS takes out a rifle and then assembles it.

BOSS
But I’m your brand new boss
And I will and I will and I will
Not let myself be flustered.
A boss must be the boss
And he’s got, and he’s got, and he’s got
He’s got to cut the mustard.
(enters EMPLOYEES’ area brandishing rifle)
And I’m supposed to be the pillar
Of the Ministry of Post,
So I cannot believe in visions
And I won’t believe in ghosts.
I’m sure I can’t be drunk
Because I never drink a drop.
So if some bastard’s playing tricks on me
They’d damn well better stop.
It’s all a communist conspiracy.
It’s a plot, it’s a plot
It’s a plot to make me look a moron.
I’m not a man to cross!
So from now, so from now, so from now,
So from now on there’s a war on!

DUSOLEIL tells returning EMPLOYEES that the BOSS has gone

crazy. They attack the BOSS.

EMPLOYEES
We’ll show him who is boss.
It is time, it is time, it is time,
It’s time that we got tougher.

BOSS
If they don’t know who’s boss,
Then the count-, then the count-, then the count-,
Then the country’s going to suffer!

EMPLOYEES
Our poor old brand new boss!
But it does-, but it does-, but it does-
But it doesn’t really matter ‘cause we don’t give a toss
That he’s mad, that he’s mad, that he’s mad,
That he’s madder than a hatter.
A hatter!

They overpower BOSS and exit with him. Back at the square
ISABELLE sits alone on her balcony.

10. SOMEBODY

ISABELLE
It’s the time of day when the world is grey,
I am waiting, waiting for somebody.
And I search the skies with my aching eyes
For my special someone, my somebody.
Tho’ I know it’s wrong, all my senses long
For the man who’s strong and can comfort me.

And oh, how I long for him to hold me.

My somebody will truly know me.
He’ll take me in his arms and
Show me how my lonely life can change
Into something strange and splendid
And then we’ll fly away forever,
At least until my dream has ended… ended…

And I scan the square and there’s no-one there,

I mean no one there who is there for me.
And the night draws on and my husband’s gone
But I don’t expect him to care for me.
But at least I know when the world is grey,
If I dream my dreams,
I can face the day.
And it’s easy to face in the warm embrace
Of my perfect fantasy
Somebody…

ISABELLE withdraws. The PROSECUTOR emerges from under her

balcony.

11. PROSECUTOR’S SONG

PROSECUTOR
I always bolt the door in case she flies the coop.
You see, I’m not a total nincompoop.
She is 26 and I am 42
And so I lock her in.
Well, wouldn’t you?

Best to keep your chattels under lock and key,

Best to guard your private property.
If I found some dog was sniffing ‘round my wife,
Then I’d send the bastard down for life!
Nonetheless I must confess…
I slip away at half past ten.
Oh, by the way, did I convey
That I’m the Prosecutor General?
Isabelle is sweet and does her best to please,
But still I have my secret fantasies
Of someone who can cook and moves a bit in bed.
That’s what I imagine in my head.
Having wined and dined, perhaps I might
Consort with ladies of the night
And find a floozy who can order me about,
Someone with stilettos and a whip
Who’ll make me grovel, make me strip
And as I’m taunted and abused
I can resemble the accused
Who’s in the dock a-tremble at his fate.
I’ll cower like a common reprobate.
Every single time I’m beaten by a whore,
I go to court and even up the score.
(exits)

A street lined with shops. The WHORE enters. DUSOLEIL

observes her, unseen.

WHORE
Nowadays business is hard for a whore,
Not like before during the war.
Then there were lines to the end of the street.
I was worked off my feet.
Soldiers were risking their necks.
Nowadays nobody thinks about sex
Which is perplexing and hard for an old fille de joie.
How about me?
What about moi?
Look in this window- there’s diamond and pearls,
They go to other girls.
Business-wise I’ve got my back to the wall.
Nobody comes, or comes at all.
Better a blow-job than no job at all.
Still the returns are small.
Boys still stand up, make a fuss,
But it’s to give me a seat on the bus.
So I can just cut the mustard with men in the park.
They have to be drunk, it has to be dark.
Much as I hunger for diamonds and pearls,
They go to younger girls.

DUSOLEIL
What is the purpose of doing what I do
If I can’t help someone like you?
If I can’t give to the weak and the poor,
What are my talents for?
What is the point of doing this (slips into jewelry shop)
If I can’t promulgate bounty and bliss?
It’s be Christmas tonight on the streets of Paree
These are a gift from me…!

DUSOLEIL reaches through the store-front and bedecks her

with germs.

WHORE
What is this feeling
I’ve not felt for years?
The tingle of jewels on my neck and m ears?
Where’s my Prince Charming?
(turns)
There’s nobody there!
Lovely fat diamonds all out of thin air.

All of my life
I’ve been loved and adored.
God, how I’ve whored.
Here’s my reward.
Yes, I’ve been loved and adored till it hurts.
These are my just desserts.
Something for nothing, how strange.
Normally men want my ass in exchange.
My guardian angel is laughing and dancing up there,
Scattering jewels over the square.
Set off the fireworks all over Paree.
Somebody cares for me.
Whee! (runs off)

A few days later.

11. MONSIEUR PASSEPARTOUT

NEWSVENDOR
Extra extra, a sensation
Unrecorded hitherto.
There’s a man who
Walks through concrete,
So there’s nothing he can’t do.
He makes quick work of the brick work
As he’s gliding, sliding through.
He’s the key for every keyhole
So they call him Passepartout.

DUSOLEIL (overhearing him)

Passepartout!
Monsieur Passepartout…
There’s not a single thing I can’t do.
There’s not a single place I can’t reach.
There’s not a single wall I can’t breach.

NEWSVENDOR
He’s no need for keys ‘cause he can come and go as he
pleases.
If your house has a wall,
Then it’s highly possible he’ll pay you all a call.

MADELEINE
I saw him jump through the window
Of a grocery store

CHARLES
And then retreat to the street
To give the food to the poor.

PAINTER
He was distributing francs
Which he purloined from the banks,

NEWSVENDOR
So the whole of Montmartre
Now is richer than it ever was before.

DUSOLEIL
What a total transformation!
Passepartout, not Dusoleil. (throws money)

ALL
Hooray!

DUSOLEIL
Now the whole world is my play-ground,
Now the walls crumble away.

NEWSVENDOR
I’d never eaten foie gras.

PAINTER
I’d never worn fancy clothes.

MAELEINE
I’d never tasted champagne.
The bubbles went up my nose.

CHARLES
Now I can dine at Maxim’s.

POLICEMAN
Now we can pamper our pets.

WHORE
Now I can follow my dreams.

ALL
Now we can pay all our debts!
So merci beaucoup.
DUSOLEIL
The name’s Monsieur Passepartout.
If you could do what I do,
I bet that you’d do it too.

ALL
Merci beaucoup
The name’s Monsieur Passsepartout.
Don’t bother locking your doors
‘cause the very next place he goes into will be yours.

NEWSVENDOR (2x)
Extra extra!
Read all about it
You may doubt it but it’s true…

DUSOLEIL
Yes, very next place
I go into will be yours!

The square.

14. SPECIAL TIME OF DAY

ISABELLE
He sets me free from two to three,
My special time of day.
That’s when I do the groceries
And while the time away.
That’s when I get to smell the air,
The cigarettes, the camembert.
My husband says,
“It’s dangerous out there!”
But still I’m free from two to three,
My special time of day.
The market traders flirt with me,
Occasion’lly they’ll say,
“Your husband is a jealous brute
To keep you under lock and key”.
I smile and buy my bread and fruit contentedly,
Quite happy with my fantasy
That Passepartout is near at hand.
He’ll suddenly appear
And lead me to a magic land
A hundred million miles from here…

I’m always free from two to three,

My special time of day.
I keep my secret safe with me
And smile and while the time away.

ISABELLE chats with vendors. DUSOLEIL enters. ISABELLE

doesn’t notice him.

DUSOLEIL
She doesn’t know my name
Or know that I’m alive.
I watch her everyday,
She lives at number five.
When I was nobody,
Why should she look at me?
How could I even dare to speak her name?

But now that I’m a star

Why worship from afar?
Why not walk up to you
And just proclaim my…

No. You are to beautiful and fair.

I wouldn’t speak, I wouldn’t dare,

I’d just be stammering and staring

As you glide across the square.
I wouldn’t dare to say a word.
You’d never know that you had heard about me.
This way, you’ll think of me.
Okay, tangentially.
But still my story on your radio.

When you lie down in bed

I’ll be inside your head.
All right, not literally,

ISABELLE
And now I dream of you… my Passepartout
… I dream you’re lying beside me
and when we kiss,
you hold me tight
and every night when I lie down in bed,
I think of you instead,
instead of him,
the man who’s next to me

DUSOLEIL
And when I dare to say hello to you
Somehow you’ll know…

ISABELLE
And so I while the time away.
I’ll find my love

BOTH
One day.

15. WAITING

DUSOLEIL
How can I demonstrate the brilliance of me?
Break into the Louvre? (idea)
No, the Banque de Paris!
Their underground vault, unassailable for you.
Simple for Passepartout!
Down in the fathomless depths of the earth
All of the world will know what I’m worth.
So, come tomorrow you’ll read my reviews.
I will be headline news.

The safe deposit vault of a bank. DUSOLEIL takes money,

intentionally setting off the alarm.
The walls are like water,
the concrete’s like dough.
The Banque de Paris is a piece of gateau!
Come on then,
I’m waiting, it’s ringing, it’s time
To catch me, in flagrante, at the scene of the crime.
I’m waiting… I’m waiting…

DUSOLEIL sits and waits for the POLICE to arrive…

Well, it was great while it lasted,

My powers were fun to have fun with.
So now it’s over and done with.
But I don’t want to go back into my shell.
Am I a clerk or a jewel thief?
No, if I’m meant to be someone,
Two people have to become one.
But will that please Isabelle?
Oh, it felt fine, it felt great to give.
It was wonderful way to live.
To be the latter-day Robin Hood felt good.

But now I’m split down the middle.

You see a man who’s divided.
So now it’s time I decided…
One person’s better than two.
But if I’m just Dusoleil…
Then what will Isabelle say?

The square, later that day.

16. THE LATEST NEWS

NEWSVENDOR
The latest news
Is something nobody anticipated
‘cause Passepartout’s
Just been arrested and incarcerated.
And here’s the thing:
He sets the sirens off and lets them ring
So he is sitting twiddling his thumbs,
Sings a soliloquy till someone comes.
I never knew
That he lives just across the way from me.
He’s Dusoleil,
The guy who lives at Number 22 –
Well, either 22 or 23 –
But now he lives in jail, they’ve locked the guy away.

WHORE
I never knew ‘cause on the face of it, now how could he be
This Passepartout?
I guess
I should have offered him a freebie.
If I had known
He was a guy who lived his life alone,
I’d have been sensitive and understanding,
I’d have offered him a helping hand.
That’s it with guys,
They’re always somehow constantly surprising.
I’ve seen it all,
But I have never ever met
A guy who likes to get his
Kicks by walking through a wall.

PAINTER
He’s one of us.
We want him back with us because we need him.
Let’s make a fuss,
Let’s hold a demonstration till they’ve freed him,
Start campaign
And stand outside the prison in the rain
And then start picketing

PAINTER/WHORE
And singing songs

ALL
Until the Wallman’s back where he belongs.
We must unite.
We must support him in his hour of need
And we must fight,
Yes, we must fight for him with all our might.

NEWSVENDOR
I’ll go on strike for him,

WHORE
And I’ll withhold my labor
Till my friend and neighbor

+NEWSVENDOR
And I’ll withhold my labor
Till my friend and neighbor

+PAITER
And I’ll withhold my labor
Till my friend and neighbor has been freed.

17. DUSOLEIL IN JAIL

DUSOLEIL
When you are the Wallman,
when you are Passepartout,
Prison regulations do not apply to you.
Knowing that you might simply kiss the place goodbye,
Makes it kinda tempting to try.
If I had to stay here,
I’d stay here 20 years…
‘cause I’m only waiting till Isabelle appears.
She’ll have read about me,
so I’m sure she’ll pay a call…
Failing that,
I’ll walk through the wall.

MADELEINE
(enters) Monsieur Dusoleil!

DUSOLEIL
Isabelle?
MADELEINE
It’s me. Madeleine.
From the office?
You sat by the door,
I sat by the phone.
God, I think my being would have burst if I had known
Who you really were, he was really you,
Sitting by my side there was the pride of all Paree,
My Passepartout.
I’m feeling feelings I’ve never felt.
I thought my poor frozen little heart would never melt.
I used to watch you sitting at your desk.
I thought that you were Kafkaesque,
No personality at all.
Now my innards burn for you
And shamelessly I yearn for you
To do to me what you did to the wall.
Every time I try to type,
I start to cry and have to wipe
The tears away, the tears I cannot hide
Tear me like an envelope,
An object for your hands to open wide
And you will find my heart inside.
Bend me like a paper clip,
But sing of our relationship with pride.
I love you,
I need you,
and you need me too.
My master, my hero,
oh my Passepartout!

CLAIRE
(enters) Monsieur Passepartout!

DUSOLEIL
Isabelle!

CLAIRE
No. Claire. From the office.
I sat on your left.
She sat on your right.
So I did my best to keep my feelings out of sight.
Lonely days and nights, lonely months and years.
Passion is forbidden.
No one noticed at all my hidden hopes and fears
And no one guessed that my ample breast
Could conceal such feelings and yet keep them unexpressed!
Though I’ve been a slave to my career
Stuck at my desk year after year,
I’d end it all to be your wife.
Who knows what the future will be?
I could be your slave, your Trilby.
I need a Svengali in my life.
Living in my fantasy and longing for a man to see
The real me I had to hide from view.
People think I’m on the shelf,
But no, I chose to keep myself
Immaculate for somebody like you.
That is why I stayed a virgin
waiting for a soul to merge into.

BOTH
I love you, I need you, and you need me too.
My secret obsession.
Oh my Passepartout.

POLICEMEN drag both women off. DUSOLEIL escapes. The

PAINTER tells him to run, but DUSOLEIL is determined to
tell ISABELLE he loves her.

18. PAINTER’S SONG

Off he goes… through the square.

How superb, how strange…
Who’d have thought he’d change?
Who’d have thought he’d dare?

One splash of blue and another of red,

That’s how I paint in my head.
But in the street, well, it’s not up to me.
I do what they need to see.
In my mind I paint a different scene,
A sky of blue, a sea of green,
A smudged horizon in between.
Meanwhile my life is a study in grey.
I can feel it slip away.

While Dusoleil dares to walk through his walls,

My dreams are trapped in my brain.
He has the courage to alter his life,
Here’s where I’m doomed to remain.
If I drew the painting in my mind,
They’d be the wonder of mankind,
Our whole existence re-defined.
This brush will never be my brush with fate.
I’m not even second-rate…

One splash of dull in a sea of clichй

Twenty four portraits a day.
They stand in wonder at what I can do.
Somehow that’s wonderful too.
So I should be glad of what I’ve got,
A man who’s happy with his lot,
Who’ll never be what he is not.
I make the world brighter, just for a while.
I know how to paint a smile.

19. ISABELLE ON HER BALCONY

DUSOLEIL waits in the shadows.

ISABELLE
He’s out of prison,
he’s out of prison.
My Passepartout.
I heard about it on the news today.
I somehow knew it.
How did he do it?
At last he’s free again,
he’s free again, he got away!
They’ll never find him,
no, never find him.

PROSECUTOR (inside)
Hey Isabelle, come help me find my missing show.
Or Isabelle, have you got better things to do?

ISABELLE
Yes, I can hear you, yes, loud and clear, you
Disgusting man,
I’m always waiting hand and foot on you!
I’ll go on dreaming ‘cause when I’m dreaming,
I feel him holding me,
enfolding me with all his might.
And I’m so lonely.
Oh god if only I could escape, ‘cause now
I’m locked away all day, all night.
Oh, come and see me.
Then you can free me.
Oh, here I am, I’ll be your damsel in distress.

PROSECUTOR (inside)
Oh, Isabelle!
How come my clothes are such a mess?

ISABELLE
You hear him calling?
God, he’s appalling.
How come I’m lumbered with a husband who can’t even dress?
Oh my Passepartout,
I’ll fly, fly with you
And soar through the sky.
My wonderful hero and I.
What if they catch him?

DUSOLEIL (reveals himself)

They’ll never catch him.

ISABELLE
What are you doing here?
You startled me!
Do I know you?

DUSOLEIL
It’s me they’re after.
It’s me they’re after…

ISABELLE
What are you saying?
You look nothing like my Passepartout.

DUSOLEIL
I’ve come to show you.
I’ve come to know you
So you can see, so you can see that I am me.
I’m Dusoleil,
I live at number 23 and I love you.

ISABELLE
But you are not what I imagined.
No, you’re not my Passepartout!

DUSOLEIL
Alright, I’ll show what I can do.

DUSOLEIL thrusts his arm through a neighbor’s door and

pulls out a bouquet.

ISABELLE
I don’t believe it.
I won’t believe it.
My perfect hero was so near.

DUSOLEIL
Oh, let me set you free.
You are in prison, the same as I was.

PROSECUTOR enters with POLICEMAN.

PROSECUTOR
Oh Isabelle! (to DUSOLEIL)
It is exactly as I thought
And now I see that I have caught you
In a trap with Isabelle as bait.
We’ll have you up before the magistrate.
You’re a filthy thief who tried to steal my wife
And I’ll be proud to send you down for life.

DUSOLEIL (as POLICEMAN drags him away)

Isabelle! Isabelle!

ISABELLE
My Passepartout,
Now that I’ve found you
I know what to do.

20. TRANSFORMATION

We are now in the court.

21. THE ADVOCATE’S PLEA

PRESIDENT
Monsieur, will you speak for the defense.

ADVOCATE
Monsieur le Prйsident, Monsieur Dusoleil,
It’s with diffidence I rise today
And very nervously ‘cause the fact is
This is my first time in the world of crime.
So today is a big day for me.
Now I should be cool and I should be calm,
But I’m wobbly as a potted palm
As you can prob’ly see ‘cause
I’ve never been in court before and
I’m thirty-four.
So today is a big day for me.

Yesterday at last, at last I passed, passed the bar exam.

Here I finally am, timid as a lamb
And I’m sweating and I’m scared.
The fitting word is “merde.”
I’m feeling rather unprepared.
So I’m not much use as a barrister
And I couldn’t feel embarrassed-er.
I’m sweating like a pig in a wig.
So kindly hear my plea, set my client free
‘cause today is a big day for me.

22. THE TRIAL

PRESIDENT
Monsieur. Let the witnesses appear.
Sister Madeleine.

MADELEINE rises (now dressed as a NUN)

MADELEINE
Speaking from a nun’s point of view,
I took the veil when I saw him in jail
Then I called the committee in Vatican City.
They may sanctify Passepartout,
For in his demeanor and in his behavior
He certainly emulates Jesus our savior.
And lo, his soul is good through and through.
He has arisen like Christ, from his prison
To take from the greedy and give to the needy.
He’s pure as a monk (and a bit of a hunk)
And he truly deserves support of every sort
From the court.

PRESIDENT
Madame whoever you are…

WHORE
I represent the moral majority
I’m profoundly sorry to see my dear old friend in the dock.
It came as a shock ‘cause he always treated and greeted me
very decently.
PRESIDENT
The Communist party of France.

PAINTER (COMMUNIST)
We must state the rational view.
We must agree, it is strange to relate,
With the Catholic view (which is cogently stated)
That we must free Monsieur Passepartout.
He is a man who can stand for the masses,
His deeds are the needs of the struggling classes
To break down walls and forge life anew.
His is the struggle we’re struggling for,
And to take from the wealthy and give to the poor
Is a very applaudable, totally laudable deed.
So we’re all agreed:
Dusoleil should be freed.

PROSECUTOR
What is Justice?
What’s it for?
So a thug, a nun and a whore have their say.

PRESIDENT
You’re right!
Take the witnesses away!

SISTER MADELEINE
You can throw us out if you like.
Do what you wish, you will not cloud the issue
That if he’s not free then the whole of Paree goes on
strike.

PAINTER
And, yes, we’re forced to agree.
He is our comrade, our friend and our neighbor.

SISTER MADELEINE/PAINTER
We’ll fight to the end by withholding our labor
Till he’s set free.
WHORE
The same goes for me.
Till Dusoleil is returned to the town
Then my dress’ll stay up and my panties stay down.
No, I probably mean that the other way round.
Yes, I do!

ALL THREE
Now it’s time to fight for Monsieur Passepartout.

PROSECUTOR
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I’m sure you’ve heard the case with ill-concealed fury.
This is a total open and shut case
Because he either is a burglar or a nutcase.
But then the fact that he shows no repentance
Will make it easier when
I’m passing sentence.
He is the nastiest bastard
I have ever seen
Thus I have no choice but to condemn him to the guillotine!

CHORUS
The guillotine!
The guillotine?
What can he mean?

PROSECUTOR
It’s this rather wonderful machine.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
certain truths are fundamental.
Think what we’re sowing,
think what we’re reaping
If such a pervert is encouraged to go creeping
And then start peeping on our wives when they are sleeping.
Someone stop me weeping,
it is not in keeping,
It is not in keeping with the decency of France.
That is why I’m keen to guillotine him
While we have the chance.

CHORUS
No!

PROSECUTOR
To walk through walls and be imprisoned, then escape
Can quickly escalate to murder and to rape.
Think of your wife and of your sister and your daughter –
He’ll ravish and slaughter them as they lie in bed
Trembling in their scanties,
in their bras and panties
With such repulsive fantasies fomenting in his head…

DUSOLEIL (jumps up)

Yes, I agree that anyone like that would be better off
dead.

PROSECUTOR
See, he confesses to these excesses.
The man’s an anarchist, a bastard and a rotter
And he’s a slippery as an otter
And if we set him free, society will totter.
He is a fascist, a commie, a plotter.
There’s one solution and it’s execution!

ADVOCATE
No!

ISABELLE (running in)

Ladies and gentlemen,
this man’s my husband
And he should hang his head in shame and in disgrace.
(hands DUSOLEIL a folder)
I have something here will make him falter
And alter the case.

CHORUS
What an utterance, how runic and mysterious.
Dusoleil looks as implacable and serious
As the statue of the Emperor Tiberius.
Why’s the Prosecutor looking pale and sickly?
Tell us quickly, tell us quickly.
Dusoleil is going to go down fighting.
Jesus, how exciting.
(SISTER MADELEINE cringes)
What’s he going to say?
It’s nail-biting.
Jeepers, how exciting.

DUSOLEIL
Now is the time for me to turn the tables.
Here’s where the underdog gets to wag his tail.
As you perhaps remember from Aesop’s fables,
Occasionally the tortoise will prevail.

ISABELLE
We declare that that scoundrel there
Is the one who belongs in jail.

Yes! I found these papers in the attic

Carefully hidden underneath the floor,
Showing he was a traitor and fanatic,
A Nazi sympathizer in the war (shows a photo)
Here conferring with
Hermann Goering in 1944.

PRESIDENT
Let me see that! (revealing another photo)
This is you on a double date with Himmler!
Your Nazi party membership as well!

WHORE
Let him be sent to the guillotine or sim’lar.

ALL
Just look at the man,
he’s culpable as hell.
Hip hooray, Monsieur Dusoleil!
And the same to Isabelle.
MEN
Look at the man, he’s absolutely baffled.

WOMEN
It seems hi prosecuting days are through.

ALL
Lead him away and take him to the scaffold.

PROSECUTOR (to Isabelle)

My darling, after all I did for you.
(POLICEMAN drags him away)

ALL
Hip hooray, Monsieur Dusoleil,
Better known as Passepartout!

PRESIDENT
Dusoleil, will you kindly say
Why you posed as Passepartout.

23. DUET FOR DUSOLEIL AND ISABELLE

DUSOLEIL
All that I did was to hope you would notice me,
Pray that you’d see me or feel I was there.
Walls were my medium:
There I’d write rhapsodies,
Sonnets and symphonies for you to share.
Not to seduce you, well, not necessarily,
Mainly to gaze from afar.
When the walls fall away, love sees the light of day.
You’ll be known as you are,
Radiant and bathed in starlight.

ISABELLE
All that you did was to hope that I’d notice you,
See you or feel you or know you were there.
I heard your rhapsodies, sonnets and symphonies,
Glorious melodies filling the air.
That’s how you wooed me, and not unsuccessfully.
My heart could tell you were near.
But my eyes longed to see
What I’d dreamed you would be.
I knew you would appear,
my ideal,
my hero.

BOTH (+CHORUS)
Such was my yearning that somehow you’d speak to me.
Somehow the walls have all crumbled away.
Now I can speak to you.
Now I just stare at you.
Now I have nothing to say.

BOTH
Now I have nothing to say.

ISABELLE waits for DUSOLEIL to approach her. When he

doesn’t, she runs off.

24. WHISTLING BALLET

DUSOLEIL
Wish ii wasn’t so intimidating.

ADVOCATE
Now’s the perfect time to lunge.

WHORE
Her husband’s off in jail and she is willing, waiting.

PRESIDENT
How about taking the plunge?

PAINTER
Dusoleil, what are you waiting for?

DUSOLEIL
Well, if you wait for something, you enjoy it more.

SISTER MADELEINE
Well, yes, I guess, but if you wait all day,
You’ll let the moment slip away.

DUSOLEIL
Okay!

ADVOCATE
The fact you’ve always been a cringing coward
Must be tricky to expunge.

PRESIDENT
But since you have the power, why not be empowered?

ALL
How about taking the plunge?

DUSOLEIL
I’m as shy a man as you could meet,
I’m zealous in my modesty.
I might just walk around the square, oh, two or three times
Rather than taking the P-L-U-N-G…

WHORE
Jeez Louise, you are a real disgrace!
It’s time to screw your courage to the sticking place.
And yes, unless she is a foolish cow,
She will be waiting for you now!

DUSOLEIL
Oh wow!

ADVOCATE
We’ve never seen such total lack of backbone.

PAINTER
You’re as spineless as a sponge.
POLICEMAN
And by the time you’ve dithered,
She’ll be old and withered.

ALL
How about taking the plunge?

How about taking the, breaking the, making the, how about
taking the plunge?

They escort a startled DUSOLEIL to ISABELLE’s bed and

tiptoe off.
A long while later…

25. AMOUR

DUSOLEIL
Mon amour.

ISABELLE
Mon amour.

DUSOLEIL
Has there ever been a night more beautiful than this is?

ISABELLE
Seven hours in bed, my head still reeling from your kisses.

DUSOLEIL
I had no idea that making love could be so splendid.

ISABELLE
So splendid.

BOTH
Don’t you think it’s odd how easily our bodies blended?
Suddenly life has begun.
Suddenly you became me became one.
Suddenly all of the world
Turns into gold when you are here
Holding me, holding me.

ISABELLE
How I loved the way you kissed me as I made you dinner.

DUSOLEIL
Then we went to bed again, not bad for a beginner!

ISABELLE
Yes, you’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of in a lover.

DUSOLEIL
A lover! Thank you so, but now I need a moment to recover.

BOTH
Darling my love, hold me tight.
We will go floating on clouds of delight
Then we will soar and we’ll glide,
You by my side.
Turning and spinning (They dance.)
Suddenly life has begun.
Suddenly you became me became one.
Suddenly all of the world
Turns into gold when you’re
Holding me.

The next morning, a crowd has gathered outside.

26. DUSOLEIL MEETS THE PRESS

NEWSVENDOR
We are shooting in Montmartre
Filming Monsieur Passepartout.
Sir, the media really need ya
To display what you can do.
If you wow us with your prowess,
We will make a star of you.
They’ll have statues in your honor,
So come on please, Passepartout.
DUSOLEIL
I need some aspirin, need some pills,
before I dare to face the press
(finds the pills in his pocket)
Now what are there?
They’re in my pocket.
I’m a mess.
All that champagne has done my brain in,
Love has brought me to my knees.
Maybe I must bow, bow to public pressure now
So I’ll take a couple of…

VOICE OF DOCTOR
Take a couple of these.
They should cure your disease.

DUSOLEIL’s vanity gets the better of him. He goes out to

the street. The crowd encourages him. He takes a running
leap into the wall. And gets stuck! The crowd is stunned.

NEWSVENDOR
Extra, extra-ordinary.
This is tragic, a crying shame…
That his magic should have vanished just as quickly as it
came.
In an effort to explain this,
I have asked his doctor here.

DOCTOR
Well, the tablets I prescribed him made his powers
disappear.

27. SERENADE

DUSOLEIL
Was it too beautiful to last?
Now I’m immured, now I’m stuck fast.
I’m half without and half within.
And look, my friends have come to call
To see the Wallman in his wall
And keep me warm and dry in winter.
It seems the Doctor Found the cure,
And though I’ve plenty to endure,
My place in history’s assured me.
I’ll face posterity in stone
But Isabelle must sleep alone.
Her husband’s locked away for life,
So not a widow, nor a wife
Stuck in the middle… just like me.
It all depends on who you know.
The news guy’s got a TV show,
The painter’s only painting me.
And now the whore’s a great success,
She’s sold her story to the press;
She sold the movie rights as well.
But what of darling Isabelle?

ISABELLE
It was too beautiful to last.
Now I’m like you, now I’m stuck fast
Between the future and the past.
Perhaps I sinned, perhaps I strayed,
Perhaps that’s why I have been made
To lead a life of total virtue.
Is there some way to set you free?
Pneumatic drill or TNT?
But no,
I wouldn’t let them hurt you.
It’s almost certainly too late,
So let’s resign ourselves to fate.
And every day I’ll come to call
To see my darling in his wall
And dream of what we might have known.
And from now on the world can see
How much you loved me
It will be
Preserved perpetually in stone.

BOTH
It was too beautiful to last.
You’re still my future, still my past.

DUSOLEIL
My love.

ISABELLE
My darling, Passepartout.
(embraces him)

BOTH
My heart will always be with you.

The WHORE separates ISABELLE from DUSOLEIL.

DUSOLEIL
(CHORUS hums behind)
I was a mere civil servant
Hardly deserving of mention.
I had my job and my pension,
Nothing unusual or special about me.
I went to work on a Monday,
Worked as a clerk every Monday,
Then to the park on a Sunday,
Never suspecting that one day…

CHORUS
That he’d be destined for glory,
That he’d be part of a story
And that it still would be told today.

ALL
There is a wall on the Rue St. Vincent
In the 18th Arrondissement.
There is a statue that’s there to this day
Of Monsieur Dusoleil.

F I N