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Some topics of conversation (especially religion, money and politics) are sensitive – we tend to avoid
speaking about them with people until we know them well.
If you want to get to know someone better, be careful about the types of question you ask. English
speakers tend to be indirect (rather than direct) with people they don’t know well, and the following
questions, although grammatically accurate, would sound too direct for a first conversation:
What’s your job?
Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend?
What’s your opinion of politics in this country?
Instead, try asking in a different way.
1. Use an introductory phrase
So then, what do you do for a living?
Can I ask you, do you use English in your job?
2. Don’t be too obvious with personal questions
Do you have family here?
What brought you to (London)?
These questions ask for personal information indirectly, rather than directly.
3. Make a brief comment about a situation, rather than asking for an opinion.
Politics is a sensitive topic. If you’re curious about someone’s opinion, you could make a brief comment
and wait to hear what the other person says:
Terrible situation at the moment, isn’t it.
It’s such a hard time to find work now, isn’t it.
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You don’t have to say much to keep the other person talking. In fact, in many cases you can reply using
three words or less.
Here are some ways of doing that:
Make a comment
Show surprise at what the other person is saying with “No!” or “Wow!”
Show sympathy at someone’s bad news with “How awful” or “How terrible”.
Show you’re interested with a comment like “That’s incredible” or “Amazing” or “Unbelievable”.
Encourage the other person
If the other person stops talking for a second or so, you can encourage them to keep talking with a phrase
like “Go on” or “Oh yeah” or “So what happened next?”
Ask a question
In all the questions below, make sure your voice goes up at the end to show it’s a question.
“Really?” – to show surprise.
“Did you?” – can be used to encourage someone to tell their story.
For example,
“I heard from Pete yesterday.”
“Did you?”
“Yes, he’s been ill for a couple of weeks.”
Make a comment
1. I heard James is in trouble with the police.
No!
Yeah.
2. Sarah's been involved in a car accident.
Oh how awful!
Yeah, well luckily she wasn't seriously injured.
3. You're not going to believe this, but Jack's got into Oxford.
That's incredible.
I know. His parents are delighted.
Encourage the other person
1. Jeff was telling me that last week, when he was coming out of the supermarket...
(yeah) Go on...
... He saw Lisa in a car with some bloke or other.
2. So, I was chatting to Mr Donaldson about my promotion yesterday...
Oh yeah...
Well, it looks like they might agree to it.
Keep the conversation going. Asking a question
1. We're thinking of moving house. 2. I saw Helen in the bank this morning.
Really? Did you?
Yeah - this one is just too small for us now. Yes, she's been on holiday and looks fantastic.
Starting a Conversation
The best time to start a conversation is when you are next to someone who is not moving. You can't start
talking to someone walking away from you. Then you are bothering them by making them stop. But if you
are sitting down on a bench and someone is next to you, or you are at a beach and someone is close by,
you can start a conversation by saying something generic. Here are some conversation starting
sentences. But after you make your first sentence, you should see by their reaction if they want to
continue the conversation or not. If they appear a little rude, then stop talking to them. You don't have to
say anything to stop talking. They don't expect you to. They expect you to not say another word. But if
they ask a question back, and they seem friendly, then you can continue with the conversation.
It's much easier if they start the conversation. If they make a comment or ask a question, then you know
that they would like to talk. Finally, it's common for these types of conversation to last only a couple of
minutes. So don't feel bad or feel pressured to keep the conversation alive. There isn't that much more to
tell you about speaking with strangers. The best way to understand what types of things are said in a
stranger to stranger conversation is to hear a couple of examples. I will give a couple examples to help
you understand more.
Talking to Strangers
If you look like a tourist, some people will ask where you are from. This is just a way to get to know
strangers. It's quite common to talk with strangers here. Here are some questions you might hear.
"Are you visiting from somewhere?"
"Yes. I'm visiting from Korea."
"Are you on vacation here?"
"Yes. I'm taking a vacation from Korea."
It's very common for strangers to talk to each other if you are at a tourist location. For example, if you are
at Disney Land and you are sitting down, someone next to you might ask some questions assuming you
are visiting from somewhere.
o I understand.
o I can understand.
o I understand how you feel.
o I can understand German, but I can’t speak it.
o Yes, I get the point.
o Right. I think I’ve got the idea now.
o I think I’ve got that.
o Okay. I get the picture now.
o Pardon?
To be formal, use:
o I’m afraid I don’t understand (that)
o Slower, please.
o Slow down.
o I don’t understand.