t seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV But where are those good

old-fashioned values On which we used to rely? Lucky there's a family guy Lucky there's a man
who positively can do All the things that make us Laugh and cry He's a Fam ily Guy! We now
return to An Early Draft of A Streetcar Named Desire. Deb? Deb! Debbie! Good night, Lois. Sorry
about hitting you at dinner. It was nice of the manager not to call the cops. Yeah, it worked out.
Happy anniversary. Hey, hey! I can't remember if I'm supposed to sleep on my stomach or my
back. What does the current literature say? Peter, go check on Stewie. Fine. Oh, my God, look at
you. You're out of breath. It's 15 feet from your door to mine. Aw, what's the matter, Stewie? You
a little scared in here? Don't worry, there's no monsters. Of course there's no monsters. Or are
you worried about what happened to that family down the street? Those three guys broke in,
beat up the father with a croquet mallet, and then stole the baby, and nobody knows where the
baby is now? Is that what you're thinking about, buddy? I am now! Tell you what, Daddy'll read
you a bedtime story. Ah, let's see. Dr. Seuss, Peter Rabbit Ah, here we go, James Michener's
Hawaii. Let's skip three feet in. Aah, Pearl Harbor! Okay, let's see, uh Ah, here we go. Fairy Tales.
Oh, not on your lap. Aah, gross! "Jack and the Beanstalk." Now, that title could be a fairy tale or a
porn. Let's find out. Jack, we need to put food on the table. Oh, give me a break, Wife. You know,
if you could spin straw into gold or-or maybe meth, I wouldn't need a job. Well, then, sell the
cow! And be sure you get real money for it. What else would I get? I don't know-- magic beans?
There are magic beans? I don't know. Who cares? Well, what's magic about them? Don't get
magic beans, you idiot. What? I-I'd never even freaking heard of magic beans till you said them.
If I do get them, it's you what caused it. So, you're selling me? Yeah, well, you heard her back
there. She wants her stupid magic beans so the whole world has to stop. Halt, travelers! Oh, my
God! Why do you look like that? Ah, all of these stories were written by Germans. But nobody
can cross my bridge without paying a toll. A toll? Like what? You have to name three great Jewish
athletes or pay a thousand gold coins. Uh, Hank Greenberg, Sandy Koufax and, uh, Gal Fridman,
Olympic windsurfer. Took gold in Athens in 2000 and the bronze in Atlanta in '96. I can see you're
on your phone. Oh, come on, I'm supposed to go into town and sell this cow. Ooh, you're selling
that cow? I don't have much, but I'll give you some magic beans for it. That's exactly what I was
supposed to get! I said not magic beans. Look, le-let's just admit we both kind of got our wires
crossed, and commit to being clearer in the future. Jack, I'm sick of your irresponsible behavior.
Like when you were supposed to be babysitting Georgie Porgie and his sleazy brother Rick
Porgie. Hey, Rick, you want to kiss some girls and make them cry? No, but let's thumb-blast them
and make them puke. What the hell are we supposed to do with these anyway? I knew you'd be
mad, so I've asked the band Heart to explain these beans in a way you can dreamily digest.
These beans Go on when I close my eyes Every second of the night I live another life These
beans that sleep when it's cold outside. They changed the word "dreams" to "beans." I-I was
hoping they'd change a few more words to pertain to our situation, but I-I-I'm just happy they
did this. Jack, this is ridiculous. Tomorrow I want you to go back out there and look for a job that
pays actual money. These things are worthless. I know she's gone, but can you do the other one?
What about beans? Don't you want someone to care about you? "Mary Davis gives birth to
lamb?" Holy crap! Oh, my God! Wha-What is that? I think those magic beans grew into a giant
beanstalk. Hey, where the hell'd that thing come from? It's blocking my view of Little Miss
Muffet's tuffet. Ooh, isn't my tuffet soft and pink and wonderful? Ah, damn it! I need to see that
so I can make curds and whey. Relax, Rumpleforeskin. This is a magic beanstalk that grew
overnight. And I'm gonna climb it. Jack, what are you talking about? You can't climb all the way
up there. I have to. My old gym coach is over there with a whistle. Come on, Jack, your brother
was varsity beanstalk climbing. He's dead! And now to throw this handful of change down
because I'm a psychopath. Aah, damn it! Thank you! I say, who the devil are you? Go away! Aw, I-
I'm sorry. Are you taking a goose poop? I'm not defecating, you nitwit. I'm laying an egg. Golden
eggs! Oh, my God! This is probably what famous black rappers eat for breakfast. Who goes
there?! Oh, boy. You woke up dum-dum. Fee-fi-fo-fum. I smell the blood of an English man. It's
odd that you would speak gibberish of your own choosing and not make it rhyme. How did you
get here? By beanstalk. How did you get up here? This is just a house floating in the air. I fell
from a higher cloud. That is not what happened. H-He's out of his mind. He just sits in his room
all day and inhales hair spray. Well, you can't have my goose. Okay, two men fighting over me.
Neat. All right, we're just gonna have to quietly run away. I'll create a diversion. Aah! Look at me!
Look at me! Look at me! Aah! Damn beanstalk. Hey, Little Boy Brown! You said you were gonna
help me saw. I can't find no gloves! Aah! Jack six, giant zero. What? What? Why-why is that six
points? Oh, Jack, you're safe. I was so worried. And I got this golden goose. Our troubles are
over. Well, our-our money troubles are over. Our sexual troubles are still are still very much alive.
Now we wait. "The end." So, the lesson there is if you steal, you better be ready to murder, too.
What do you say we read another one? Wow, you got a great view into Bonnie's window from
here. Man, how do you get any work done? What do you mean? Lois is prettier than Bonnie. Oh,
I get it. It's worse, but it's different. Okay, all right, so that's something. Okay. So I got out of the
car to take a leak, because I'd been drinking, and I didn't know it was next to a children's park.
But anyway, that's why this lady has to watch whenever I play with you. Both hands on the book,
please. It's my son! Come on! Geez! Thank you, Maya. All right, the next story is "Little Red
Riding Hood." Red Riding Hood was choosing her clothes for a journey across the forest. You
know, if I had the guts, I would be Little White Turtleneck. And by "guts," I mean "body." Red,
don't forget this basket of food for Grandma. This whole thing is way too heavy. Wh-why are you
putting a bag of ice in here? Is this is this a Coors Party Ball? Is Grandma going to be entertaining
Florida Jet Ski people? Remember, stay on the path and you'll be fine. Oh, yes, great advice from
mother of the year. You do realize Grandma lives 68 miles away, right? You-you're sending your
child out there to die. Tra-la-la-la-la Skipping song, skipping song No one's here to call me gay.
If you were my son, I would kill you. Really? Because I hear your son is a sap. If you're gonna hit
the king, you better kill the king. Oh, hey. You're the wolf, right? Yup, and don't forget "big" and
"bad." Nah. So, um, what happened with you and those three little pigs? Wh-Why did you want
to eat them so badly? It-it's so amazing that that's what people think happened. First of all, I
didn't want to eat them, all right? I wanted to talk to one of them. About what? Well, she was
my ex-girlfriend, and I believed I was due an explanation about why she was such a whore. All
right, well, I'm off to my grandmother's, but before I go, I better take a deep-woods dump. Her
bathroom is right off the dining room.
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