Erika Corinne C.

Sison “Who am I”

Firstly, I am an introvert, so I’ll keep this brief to reduce the amount of

time I have to be speaking here. Secondly, this is the third time I’m writing

this essay. It’s not because I’m a perfectionist, or have very high standards

for the work I put out. It’s because I’m self-conscious and would rather not

deal with this other assignment I have right now. So my actions speak for

themselves.

I am the eldest of three sisters, in a typical Filipino Christian family. Born to

two practicing doctors, both cardiologists, life at home was a constant

reinforcement of performing well in our studies, while maintaining a strict

adherence to our Faith. When I was a kid, Hillsong Worship replaced songs

on the radio, Veggie-tales ( A Christian Cartoon) replaced Sponge-bob. I

often find myself wondering what I would be like without all the

indoctrination but in the end decide I’m very grateful. I used to pray a lot

more in highschool. Unless it’s finals week, in which case, I suddenly feel

more religious. I think that it’s a part of me simultaneously struggle with and

find comfort in .
 I studied pre-school in Crèche, previously located next to PGH where

my parents worked. My elementary was spent in St. Scholastica’s college

Manila, an all girls school best known for its feminist nuns and

grade-schooler activists. I didn’t graduate with as many honours as my

younger sisters,so I worked a lot harder when I transferred to De la Salle

Zobel in Alabang. Thankfully it was enough to pass UP and here I am

today. I want to be a doctor. Or rather, I know that I should want to be a

doctor. Sometimes I feel like a vessel for all my parents hopes, dreams and

expectations.There are rare occasions where I just want to pour everything

out and pursue something else entirely. The problem is that I don’t know

what that something else is yet.

There are a lot of things that excite me. I’ve made drawing and painting a

home for my inner self. I make up songs in the shower and amateurly

improvise on the piano. I enjoy the idea of reading, but my attention span

isn’t long. I’ve read many half-books in my life. I love cooking, although I

am a stress monster in the kitchen. I keep a recipe book and try to make

my own dishes. Not all of them turn out very good, but I feel fulfilled
nonetheless. I was also a debater, if you can believe that. If I was another

person looking at myself, this is what I’d like most. That I like creating

things and just doing. In a way, I envy the younger me, who had a greater

store of energy and time to pursue the things that made me feel most like

myself. Among my least favorite traits, of which I have many, I dislike my

forgetfulness the most. Sometimes school days feel like a constant battle to

stay aware. I find myself forgetting things people don’t usually forget. I think

this is one of the things that scare me most. Given the fact that maybe

someday, someone will have to trust me with their life or wellbeing, I am

slightly terrified. But those are fears for another time. In terms of more

immediate anxieties, its the usual. I’m a very sensitive person, the type

that cries at the beginning of a movie because I know what’s about to

happen. So I’d say I’m scared of letting that side of me out.

Considering my goals, I used to be the overambitious highschooler who

wanted to be amazing in everything. Now after almost 2 semesters in

college, I mostly just want to grow. By what metric, I’m not very sure. Long

term I want to graduate. I want to create more, read voraciously and

actually finish a book or two for once. Right now the picture is a little less
clear. All I’m sure of is that I hope I can be held accountable to myself. I

hope to have the self control to do what I want to do, and actually better

​ hat I want to do without self consciousness, or forgetfulness getting

know w

in the way.