What to do in a Terrorist Attack ‘The US government has a new website, http/iwww ready gow: displaying public servise symbols for terrorism readiness, inthe tradition ofthe old “duck and cover" campaigns after WWII. "The fu thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean __anything! Here are afew guesses about what they mean: “Tfyou have set yourself on fr, do not run 4 ~'Tryou spot terorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. Ifyou are bald, yell really loud. “Thou spot eo arow agains the wall with your shoulderIfyou are sprayed with an unknown substance, and and think about it instead of | seeing a doctor. a Use your flashlight to lift the walls ight off of you! eyes, run the f*** away.“Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have alot in common. Think about it _ E Re on the lookout fr terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to ru their ‘hands together manicaly, ExT) Ta door is closed, karte chop open. RY ® ~ TF your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye.Ce "Tey to absorb as much ofthe radiation as possible with your groin region. After tinsies and 12 seconds, however, you may become ele on q "After exposure to radiation itis important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. ct ia Tfyouive become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the ‘window. No one wants to see that shit. S é | “Tryout the Backaeet Boys, Michael Bltnor Yann onthe ratio itis Fepetlogio wor tac. Cowen te corer or ik elyour Tangs and stomach start talking stand with your arms akimbo until they stop. ‘Austin is radioactive, move to Houston Ifyou are rapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting. "Tfyou lose contact lens during a chemical attack, donot stop to look frit.te (“Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood. (@ ‘A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation, Always carry one!