Reading Analysis2

Reading Analysis2.
docx
by Naf iysa Bacchus
Submission date: 03-Jun-2019 10:17AM (UT C-0400)

Submission ID: 1139492428
File name: Reading_Analysis2.docx (23.44K)
Word count: 1458
Character count: 7597
Awkward
Parent het ical Remark [M] Conjunct ive Adverb [M]
Redundant Expression
Dict ion
Awkward
Awkward
Sent ence-Final Parent het ical
Adverbial Phrase [B]
7 Previous
Vague
10
11
12
Run On Sent ence

Incongruous Expression Dict ion
13
Awkward
15
Awkward
Awkward
16
17
18
Awkward
Incomplet e
19
Reading Analysis2.docx
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
11
Naf iysa
Stylistically speaking, and I’m not sure that I can say
/15
this strongly enough, give serious consideration to
using the services of a conscientious pref erred
bef ore submitting your f inal essay assignment.
Although I think your reading analysis manages to

capture the basic contours of Bellotti’s argument,
the mechanics of your writing (grammar, diction and
punctuation) are challenged to the point where you
sometimes end up conveying to your reader certain
ideas that I do not believe represent what you intend
to say in your writing.
I mention this because when it comes time to

present your argument that will include your thinking
on this particular issue, a lack of clarity in the
presentation of your ideas will leave your reader in
serious doubt as to whether the lack of clarity is a
matter of stylistic imprecision (having dif f iculty
saying what you want to say in writing) or whether it
is a matter of a lack of clarity in your own thinking
with respect to a particular issue (you def initely do
not want to leave a critical reader wondering which
of these is responsible f or the lack of clarity in your
writing).
CMT
PAGE 1
PAGE 2
QM Awkward
awkward wording.
QM Parenthetical Remark [M]

Parenthetical remarks need to be enclosed with commas in order to set them apart f rom the
main sentence.
e.g. T he dog, who had a tendency to bite strangers, started to growl at me.
QM Conjunctive Adverb [M]

T he use of a conjunctive adverb (such as ‘theref ore’, ‘however’, ‘otherwise’, etc.) to join two
independent clauses needs to be punctuated with a semicolon before the conjunctive adverb,
and a comma afterward.
E.g. I did not return the library book on time [; therefore,] I will need to pay the overdue f ine the
next time I go to the library.
QM Redundant Expression
QM Diction
Are you sure this is the word or term you want to use here?
Comment 1
breach?
Comment 2
maxims?
Comment 3
a person is treating another person?
QM Awkward
awkward wording.
Comment 4
Are you sure you don’t mean to suggest that when one person uses another as a mere means
to achieve a particular end (as if they were mere thing), but this is impermissible on the basis
that (perhaps as a matter of principle) a person needs to be treated in a way that respects the
f undamental f act that they are a person (and not a mere thing)?
Comment 5
T here should be a comma instead of the word "and" here.
Strikethrough.
QM Awkward
Awkward wording.
Additional Comment
I believe your essay could have benef ited f rom the services of a conscientious proof reader.
See my "T ips f or Writing an Ef f ective CPHL 606 Essay" – Section 3.
PAGE 3
QM Sentence-Final Parenthetical
Parenthetical or nonessential phrases at the end of sentences (set apart f rom the main clause)
need to be set of f with the use of a comma.
E.g. We really like pizza, especially pepperoni pizza.
QM Adverbial Phrase [B]

Introductory, or adverbial phrases, should be set apart f rom the main clause in your sentence
with a comma.
e.g. "For example, ..." or "In general,..."

Additional Comment
Comment 7
As being consensual and moral what?
Behavior?
QM Previous
See my previous comment.
Comment 8
Perhaps, but it would appear to be more closely related to the requirement that if promise
breaking is immoral, then any inf ormal contract that is based on a promise to “do certain
things”, as it were, generates or creates an obligation to f ollow through and do that which one
agreed (or promised) to do.
QM Vague
T his might strike your reader a being a little vague.
Comment 9
because they are contractual
Comment 10
f irst
Comment 11
that
Comment 12
the belief ?
QM Run On Sentence
T his appears to be a run-on sentence.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
Additional Comment
PAGE 4
QM Incongruous Expression
Additional Comment
If it is involuntary then it is not consensual, and if it is consensual than it is not involuntary.

QM Diction
Are you sure this is the word or term you want to use here?
Comment 13
You appear to be moving rather quickly past Belliotti’s consideration of this particular example
(especially f rom a contractual perspective).
From a strict contractual perspective, if one views “one’s body” as something that belongs to
one’s own person. T hen a person may have the right to exercise rights of disposal over their
body and enter into a “premortem” contractual arrangement with someone with respect to what
the other person can “do with their remains” (in a f ashion not so dif f erent f rom the
arrangements that people put in place to donate organs, have their bodies cremated or buried,
etc.).
In other words, what Belliotti appears to be suggesting is that f rom a strict contractual
perspective “consensual necrophilia” if it is part of a voluntary contractual arrangement, would
appear to be covered by this approach to sexual morality.
QM Awkward
awkward wording.
Strikethrough.
Comment 15
adultery
QM Awkward
awkward wording.

with a comma.
QM Awkward
awkward wording.
Comment 16
adultery
Comment 17
Bellotti's
PAGE 5

with a comma.
Comment 18
non-believers
QM Awkward
awkward wording.
QM Incomplete
T he sentence appears to be incomplete.
Comment 19
T o the average reader, the suggestion that you are going to “challenge” Bellotti’s idea appears
to be inconsistent with agreeing with his argument.
PAGE 6
PAGE 7

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Reading Analysis2.

Submission date: 03-Jun-2019 10:17AM (UT C-0400)

Parent het ical Remark [M] Conjunct ive Adverb [M]

Adverbial Phrase [B]

Run On Sent ence

Adverbial Phrase [B]

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Stylistically speaking, and I’m not sure that I can say

Although I think your reading analysis manages to

I mention this because when it comes time to

QM Parenthetical Remark [M]

QM Conjunctive Adverb [M]

T here should be a comma instead of the word "and" here.

E.g. We really like pizza, especially pepperoni pizza.

QM Adverbial Phrase [B]

e.g. "For example, ..." or "In general,..."

If it is involuntary then it is not consensual, and if it is consensual than it is not involuntary.

QM Adverbial Phrase [B]

e.g. "For example, ..." or "In general,..."

QM Adverbial Phrase [B]

e.g. "For example, ..." or "In general,..."

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