Chaos and Pain - Training For The Apocalypse, Part #1 - Better To Die Slow or Go Zombie

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12 March 2014
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One question often asked of strength coaches, and answered in some of the most
bizarre ways, is that in which one seeks to know how best to train for a given sport.
My answer is invariably that I have never done so, and barely even bother to train
with much specificity for powerlifting. Instead, I train my body to ensure that I am
essentially encased in the most brutally strong suit of muscular armor I can
produce, leaving few to no weak points. This has always worked well for me, but
for some reason people are hell bent on training specifically for sports.
https://chaosandpain.blogspot.com/2014/03/apocalypse-training-part-1-better-to.html?zx=2f1fd4893b91ea9d 1/23
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Slow Apocalypse
This may not be considered one of the most exciting apocalyptic scenarios, but it's
certainly the most likely. Also described as post-peak oil, this sort of an apocalypse
generally involves the destruction of the world's remaining oil supply, the gradual
decline of the West's standard of living and concomitant fall of the federal
government, and the struggles of the survivors to pick up the pieces. In this
scenario, travel is extremely limited, electrical power is often unreliable and difficult
to come by, and edible resources are either difficult to reach or in short supply. For
more on this, see: Ready Player One, The Postmortal, Mad Max, Patriots, Slow
Apocalypse, The Wind Up Girl.
Clearly, the variety of scenarios here can make training for the coming apocalypse
a bit daunting- this apocalypse could come in any number of varieties, from battling
punk-rock biker gangs clad head to toe in body armor constructed from car tires
and athletic equipment to holing up in a farmhouse and battling the UN when they
try to conscript you into some sort of global army for the purpose of putting the
entire world under a single "benevolent" socialist regime. No matter how it
happens, however, you're going to need the following:
A reasonable degree of cardiovascular capacity. You'll likely not
need to run long distances, but you'll definitely need to be able to hike
long distances.
Crushing grip strength and endless grip endurance. In a slow
apocalypse, there will be little to no electricity, which means you will be
carrying and hauling things by hand. You'll also engage in your fair
share of hand to hand combat, in which grip strength is always a boon.
Incredible back strength and endurance. Again, you'll be hauling and
carrying a lot of shit. Back strength will be more necessary in the
apocalypse than a handful of condoms in a Ugandan whorehouse.
Above average hand to hand combat skills. Between the roving
gangs, starving thieves coming to loot your headquarters, UN storm
troopers trying to manhandle you, and those pesky cannibals who
always have a tendency to get a bit rapey, being able to defend yourself
will be key.
Combined arm and shoulder strength and endurance. All of your
daily activities will rely heavily on the strength and endurance of your
arms and shoulders- you'll be erecting fences, digging ditches, mending
all sorts of broken shit, and battling ne'er-do-wells constantly.Weak arms
will mean that you'll likely end up in a gimp suit with a constant flow of
semen leaking from your ass.
You don't have to be jacked to thrive in the apocalypse, apparently.
Using myself as the trainee, I know my weaknesses associated with the foregoing
are:
Cardio. I have the cardiovascular capacity, at the moment, of an
emphysematic who barely survived a mustard gassing 50 years ago
and only has one lung. I literally have gotten tunnel vision while
masturbating in the last week. It's possible someone on an iron lung
could outpace me in a three mile race. As such, I will need to up my
game.
Flexibility. Though I didn't mention it above, I am so inflexible I have
trouble putting on shoes and socks, and my lat cramps horribly when I
wipe my ass. That might prove to be a problem if I have to actually use
my massive strength for a real world purpose.
Grip Strength. My grip strength is more than adequate, but having
worked white collar jobs my entire life, it's hardly what it would need to
be to support constant manual labor.
I would prefer to do partner assisted cardio with this broad.
The Mad Max Says Fuck Yo' Couch Program

Because I always train 6 days a week, we will stick with that. I'll assume that the
coming collapse is imminent and that I have a rough idea of when the bottom will
drop out. Thus, for the next 16 weeks I will do the following:
Day 1
AM
15 Minutes sledgehammer slams on tire (for cardio and grip)
300 pullups, 600 dips
PM
High Pulls- 6x3
Snatch Grip Behind the Neck Strict Press- 10x10
Various arm work
Day 2
AM
Krav Maga or MMA
PM
Front Squat- 6x3
Stone Loading
Calves and Abs
Day 3
AM
Same as Day 1
PM
Bench Press- 6x3, 5x1, 2 death sets with 60% 1RM
Push Press- 4x3, 4x1
Various arm work
Day 4
AM
Same as Day 2
PM
Shrugs- 8x8
Pendlay Rows- 6x3
Hamstrings- high rep
Calves- high rep
Forearms- high rep
Day 5
AM
Steady state cardio- weighted vest walking or something similar
PM
Speed Squats or Jump Squats- 6x3 (for explosive strength)
Close grip Bench Press- 5x3
Pull-Throughs- 6x3
Weighted Pullups- 5x5
Day 6
Strongman Implements- Mix and Match (to build raw, real-world strength handling
ungainly objects)
The program above would be easily modifiable, would meet all of the goals set
forth, and would build a serious foundation of strength on which you could call in
any situation. The interesting thing, here, is that this program doesn't really differ
appreciably from what I already do, save for the cardio, mma, and strongman. As I
stated at the outset, just about any non-retarded strength program should give you
a great base of strength from which you could survive an apocalypse. the problem
with the programs most people pick, however, is that they're so light on accessory
training for fear of "overtraining" that they build into your body gaping holes in
smaller muscle groups that play supporting roles. For real world applications, it's
these muscles that actually need the most attention and conditioning. Despite what
the internet gurus might tell you, neglecting your accessory work is retarded, and if
you find yourself puking blood or turning into a bright green fairy or whatever the
fuck is supposed to happen when the overtraining boogeyman visits your butthole
in the middle of the night, you probably have AIDS and should head to the hospital.
It's not possible for a healthy person to be that weak.
Zombie Apocalypse
Ah, the zombie apocalypse. Who among us hasn't thought long and hard about the
zombie apocalypse, and what our course of action might be during one? Well, I
have news for you- although you might think you have the perfect plan for the
zombie apocalypse, mine beats the dogshit out of yours for a variety of reasons: 1)
you've not taken into account the fact that proper attire in a zombie apocalypse is
critical, and 2) your method of combat for such an event pales in comparison to my
own.
Looking stupid is far less a concern to me than surviving, obviously.
We will start at the beginning- news reports around the country start popping up
with accounts of vicious bouts of cannibalism. States of emergency are declared.
What's my first step? I head to my local mall for a couple of sets of motorcycle
racing leathers, steel toed boots, motorcycle helmet, and a couple of sets of
goggles. Then I hit up my local army navy surplus for a combat tomahawk, a
Camelbak, and a couple of combat knives after filling my car with all of the non-
perishable food (mostly chili, for the protein) and water I can fit in there. My logic-
no human bite could make it through motorcycle leathers, and the extra padding in
the racing leathers will give me extra protection. Motorcycle racing gloves are
basically armor plated, so I won't be that asshole in every zombie film that dies after
getting nipped on the hand doing something stupid. I can always add 4 sets of
soccer shin guards- one pair to act as greaves, one pair to shield my forearms, and
the extra pairs can be cut up with tin snips and sewn into the leathers as extra
protection from bites. In that full regalia, I would be all but impervious to short-lived
attacks by up to five or six zombies.
I don't know if she looks trustworthy, but I would claim she was even as she was
stealing my kidneys on the off chance I could lick that retarded panda tattoo.
After weathering the initial culling, people are going to start venturing out looking for
other survivors. Once I've got a crew of about ten or so trustworthy people, we
make quick forays into places where we knew the police tried to "hold the line".
Those places ought to be littered with discarded riot shields, which we will collect
and store. Having done so, we will find a solid brick building with few windows (or
barred windows) and a very good line of sight in all directions, obtain heavy chain
link fencing, and set up a perimeter with that chain link. Having done so, we will
then send out teams to obtain brick and mortar for the purposes of building a ten
foot wall inside the initial perimeter with firing ports set into the brick at regular
intervals at varying heights.
Once the wall is erected, we begin training with the riot shields and homemade
spears in group combat tactics using a phalanx. That's right- we would use the
ancient phalanx against zombies, which would work perfectly and should result in
zero cases of infection when used in concert with my motorcycle leather-based
armor, and would draw no attention from other humans or distant zombies because
this style of combat would be relatively quiet. As we picked up more survivors, we
could incorporate skirmishers to draw in zombies for slaughter and to attack zombie
hordes from the rear, and employ small groups with firearms to deal with brigands
and raiders.
Lest you worry that I'm simply buying in to the myths of the ancient Greeks and
Spartans, consider this- even in a situation wherein you're facing both 28 Days
Later style sprinter zombies and the slower, less active Romero-esque shambler
zombies, a phalanx would work well. A ten man team could form two lines of five in
picked ground to fight in choke points into which zombies could be forces, as the
Spartans did at Thermopylae, and larger groups of twenty could easily hold their
ground in open ground with the first line going for head shots and the second line
backing them up with more spears and the use of their "pig-sticker" butt spikes to
ensure the job is finished as the line surged forward. These Phalanxes would have
no need of the insanely long Macedonian spear, which would make close quarters
combat impractical, but would rather use seven foot double-tipped spears and
cudgels. Just as the Greeks gave rise to Western civilization in the past, their
military tactics would again allow Western civilization to rise from the ashes of a
zombie apocalypse, all because I'm a fucking genius. For more information on
zombie apocalypses, I recommend: The Rising, Doghouse, The Horde, The Stink
of Flesh.
Strengths This Would Require:

Incredibly strong shoulders with preternatural strength endurance.
Fending off the zombie hordes with one arm will be brutal, but
continually thrusting your spear overhand will be even moreso. Lacking
shoulder strength or endurance here means you not only turn yourself
into a zombie char siu bao, but you turn your whole crew into a veritable
George Romero-approved pu pu platter.
Legendary arm strength and endurance. Same deal- unless you feel
like getting nibbled on, time to do some curls for the girls.
Static pec strength more long lasting than Nick Manning in a porn
shoot filled with ugly broads and a cock shot full of Novocaine.
What do you think all of that forward push strength is going to flow
through in a phalanx? How about your left pec. Bench bros of the
world, unite!
Tree trunk legs that are unstoppable over a short range of motion.
No need to squat ATG here, USAPL apologists- you've just got to be
able to flex and extend, with a hell of a lot of force and support strength,
over a few inches of ROM. Phalanxes might surge, but you're still not
taking huge steps or leaping out of a third world squat- the key here is to
be able to hold your position against a great weight.
Grip strength that would put Diesel Crew to shame. Just holding a
fucking spear, nevermind stabbing rotting corpses in the face with it, for
long periods of time would require massive grip strength and
endurance.
Using myself as the trainee, I know my weaknesses associated with the foregoing
are:
Grip Strength. As I stated above, my grip strength is more than
adequate, but having worked white collar jobs my entire life, it's hardly
what it would need to be to support constant manual labor or battling
zombie with a spear. Since I don't think strapping up on the spear is
feasible, I might want to work that grip.
Since cardio isn't an overriding factor in this situation, I would happily use this broad
to help me repopulate the world, provided one of our work-camp slaves would raise
the kids and I never had to see them.
The Fearless Zombie Slaughtering Phalanx Program

Day 1
AM
Sled push for a half hour (this would work on cardio a bit and prepare me for
second-line pushing in a phalanx)
300 pullups, 600 dips (dat arm endurance, bro)
PM
Squat lockouts- 10x2
Snatch Grip Behind the Neck Strict Press- 5x10
High Pulls- 6x3 (because your traps can never be too big or too strong)
Various arm work
Day 2
AM
15 Minutes sledgehammer slams on tire (for cardio and grip)
PM
Bench Press Lockouts (1/4 reps off pins with a ten second hold)- 10x2
Bench Press- 4x6
Grip, Calves, Abs
Day 3
AM
Light stone load for time- 165 lb stone onto platform as may times as possible in 30
mins (back conditioning and cardio)
PM
Shrugs- 8x8
Pendlay Rows- 6x3
Hamstrings- high rep
Calves- high rep
Forearms- high rep
Day 4
AM
Same as Day 1
PM
Squat Lockouts (top half, ten second holds)- 6x3
Push Press- 6x3
Weighted Pullups-5x5
Weighted Dips- 5x5
Day 5
AM
Thirty minute festival of nonstop light, high rep bicep and tricep work
PM
Close grip Bench Press- 5x3
Reverse Grip Barbell Curls- 10x10
Pull-Throughs- 6x3
Calves, Abs, Forearms
Day 6
Strongman Implements- Mix and Match (to build raw, real-world strength handling
ungainly objects- focus heavily on yoke and farmer's carry)
It might prep you for skating away from rapists in prison...
As you can see- the two don't differ wildly, and there is no need for wobble boards,
slide boards, agility ladders, or any of the other "sport specific" bullshit you see
brazenly spewing from the mouths of strength coaches who are neither strong nor
formerly successful athletes. Instead, you take a proven method and alter it slightly
to match whatever specific needs you might find in a sport or apocalypse and sally
the fuck forth.
Our Facebook page is this awesome.
Those of you who follow the Chaos and Pain Facebook page, which you should
probably go ahead and like to get in on the fun, know I held a contest to see who
had the best answer to the question of how to train for a zombie apocalypse. The
winner of the competition (who's getting a month's supply of free CNP
supplements) had a wildly different take than my own, mostly because he's not
obsessed with the idea of using phalanx warfare against the zombie hordes. I'm
assuming he's current of former military, as his answer was very heavy on rucking
and hiking, and his name is John Scanaliato. While I may have taken an entirely
different tack on how to train for the same apocalypse, our reasoning for training
the way we are is what's important- he sees an entirely different skill set as
necessary for this apocalyptic scenario. In any event, here's his take:
So we’ve got shamblers and sprinters. I’m starting with a few assumptions. First, no
matter where I try to hide they will find me. I’m also going to assume that my
selection of weaponry is going to be limited and my best friend for the immediate
future will be a reasonable heavy blunt object. I’m also going to assume that we’re
talking about physical and mental training. Survival training is a whole ‘nother can
of worms and, frankly, out of the scope of C&P. Let’s focus on sport specific
training.
I think that survival is going to come down to three main factors.
1. Are you mentally strong enough to push through pain and possible injury to
continue fighting and surviving?
2. Do you have the legs and lungs required to move over and up long distances
and unpredictable terrain?
3. Are you strong enough to kill efficiently and effectively?
Out of these three factors I think number one is not only the most important, but
also the hardest to train. Brute strength won’t mean jack shit when your ex-
neighbors are chowing down on your carotid artery and turning your skin into a
cloak. You need to be willing to fight and move when you’ve lost everything. We’ll
touch more on training number one shortly.
I think that legs and lungs are going to be more important than brute strength.
Anyone, trained or untrained, can swing an aluminum pipe or bat laterally into
someone’s knee hard enough to cause irrecoverable damage. That needs to be the
goal here – reduce sprinters to shamblers and keep moving.
I’m assuming that we’ll be carrying supplies in backpack. I think that the bread and
butter of my training would be weighted step-ups and hiking. I’m talking about
putting 40# - 60# in a pack and hiking or climbing until I’m absolutely smoked.
Wash, rinse, and repeat. Look at the issues that US troops first had upon engaging
the Taliban in Afghanistan- we were plenty strong enough in the gym, but they were
better adapted to fighting in mountainous environments. You’re going to be moving
up and down stairs and up and down hills, as the high ground is the strong ground.
I’d also be sure to include sprint, sled and hill sprint training, preferably with a pack
or body armor (to add weight). You will need to be conditioned to moving for long
periods and at high speed carrying weight. I also think that all long distance training
should be done carrying a 10# iron pole. You need to be comfortable carrying your
weapon. It’s foolish to think that you’re going to be able to find a samurai sword or a
reliable machete. Pipes and bats however, will be plentiful.
Strength training will need to be focused on legs, static and dynamic core strength,
and shoulders. You’re not going to punch these zombies to death and, if you try,
you’re not going to live long enough to realize your mistake. Once again, all of my
training would be done with either a weight vest or body armor on- you NEED to
train with that extra weight above your center of gravity. Lifts I would focus on would
be squat variations (high bar, pause, jump), deadlift variations (deficit, rack pulls,
standard), core work (planks, rotational work, sledge swings, bat swings), explosive
shoulder work (push presses, BTN push presses, jerks) and pullups/dips (you need
to be able to move your body weight). Outside of the gym I’d start bouldering 2 – 3
times per week and maybe pick up weakass yoga once a week to teach me
relaxation techniques. You’re going to need to be able to calm yourself down.
Ranger Up literally has zombie apocalypse gear, in case you're in the market.
In terms of a training program we’re looking at something like this
Mon
AM
Weighted hike/stepups. Start and work your way up to 2-3 hours.
PM
Pick a squat variation, a deadlift variation, a press variation and put together a
pullup/dip/core circuit. Limit the rest periods and do everything with body
armour/weight vest. Aim for 5x5 and add weight weekly
Tues
AM
Rest
PM
Bouldering and sprint training (sprints are done with a vest), “fight” training i.e.
swings, heavy bag
Weds
AM
Long slow distance run – work up to 1 hour at least, preferably 1.5 hours
PM
Same as Monday, take 75% of the weight and do a 3x3, also do your
core/pullups/dips
Thurs
AM
Rest
PM
Bouldering/hill sprints/sled drags (sprints and sled are done with weight
vest/armour) and “fight” training
Fri
AM
Yoga [Editor's note: My dick goes to yoga / yo' dick... fruit roll up]
PM
Same as Monday, except work up to some heavy doubles.
Sat
AM
Weighted hike/stepups. Go long, ideally being able to hike for 3 hours with a pretty
heft weighted pack
PM
Rest
Sun
AM
Long slow recovery run. 30 – 45 minutes., easy fight training afterwards, focus on
swinging a variety of objects and weapons.
PM
Rest
I think that doing everything with a weight vest or armor will slowly but surely help
to build the psychological resilience that is going to be needed in order to survive. I
think that a plan similar to this one will build legs, lungs and the fighting core that
will allow you to move, fight and then keep moving. You wont be over-encumbered
by carrying weight in a backpack and you’ll have the strength and skills necessary
to climb, run, sprint, pull yourself up, and move efficiently and effectively.
Not pictured- magic.
Since I am enjoying this and doubtless about to field 43,000 thousand questions
from rugby athletes, all of whom seem to think that I am some sort of weightlifting
wizard with a magical potion I can infuse into their systems via repeated and deep
colonics that will magically make them into Jonah Lomu, I will continue this in a
second installment covering programming for a robopocalypse and a nuclear
holocaust. maybe, just maybe, some of you will catch on. All except the rugby
players, of course. Please stand by in the comments for barely comprehensible
defensive statements by rugby players.
Posted by Jamie Lewis at 3:33 PM
38 comments:
Matthew Butler March 12, 2014 at 4:33 PM

An excellent contest! I hope it was a veteran who won. In any event everyone who
participated gained some insight as to what would be the minimums to compete
and survive.
Go team Baphomet
Reply
Max March 12, 2014 at 4:55 PM

haha Yes Jamie, I am a rugby player and have been told to do some ridiculous
bullshit by coaches in the past involving carrying the ball around in the gym and
swissball balancing..then I started squatting, benching, deadlifting heavy and low
and behold I started running fools over..how bout that...
Reply
Replies
ChAoS and PAIN March 13, 2014 at 11:29 AM

Amazing! I am simply amazed.
Reply
Bogdan Chaban March 12, 2014 at 6:04 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmaYtNW_wR8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-xtFXThEOc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klOc9C-aPr4
Check this guy out. He's some British historian who knows his ancient weapons
pretty well.
In those videos he talks about shieldwalls ( rst link), and spears and spear ghting
in the latter two.
Reply
Bogdan Chaban March 12, 2014 at 6:07 PM

Sorry forgot my main point in my rst post.
You wouldn't be using your spear overhand. It limits your ROM and range, as well
as putting your wrist in a weaker position compared to underhand.
Basically, going underhand would increase your range, mobility, and would be
easier on your wrist.
Reply
Replies

Interesting. I could have sworn I'd seen reenactments doing otherwise. I
think the muscles involve would remain roughly the same, though lats
would be more heavily engaged.
DRu9 March 13, 2014 at 12:26 PM

Fair point but you HAVE TO spear them in the head. I haven't seen a riot
shield up close but I would imagine having the phalanx in good position
with them would require an overhead thrust.
Reply
GiantGorilla March 12, 2014 at 6:14 PM

Awesome!
Reply
GiantGorilla March 12, 2014 at 6:17 PM

Also, not quite sure why I identify so strongly with the Egyptian manhandling his
donkey. He looks totally alpha, respect.
Reply
Julius Daquilanea March 12, 2014 at 7:29 PM

dear jamie, how i train for ping-pong? Right now i currently grab my dick and do
5x15 strokes with the right then i switch with the left, I rest for about 10 minutes
then repeat it all again, do you have any suggestions on what other lifts i can do to
become world ping-pong champion?
Reply
ghjklbny March 12, 2014 at 7:44 PM

That was probably the funniest thing i've read in a while I look forward to reading
about the robot apocolypse! However im a little concerned that its humanly
possible to get tunnel vision from masterbation....have you not watched
zombieland? Rule 1 - Cardio!
Reply
Replies

Hahahaha. If I were that poor man's Michael Cera, I'd be concerned with
cardio :P
Reply
Ajax March 12, 2014 at 10:44 PM

I would suggest training Kali/Escrima as opposed to MMA. MMA is a sport and
while kali/escrima is to kill and maim mother fuckers. Also swinging weapons is
totally di erent on the grip strength.
Reply
Replies
I like kali and escrima for stick ghting, but in most schools I've seen
they focus heavily on one or the other, or they force you to pretty much
learn one all the way through before the other. Seems less
comprehensive at the outset than mma. Frankly, I'd probably go back to
jkd myself- MMA was just a catch phrase for an integrated style.
Reply
Dreadnought March 13, 2014 at 6:55 AM

Now I wanna see you do an article on how you'd train if you were a W40k Space
Marine (because I know Warhammer pumps you the fuck up)
Reply
Replies

I might be able to work that into the next one...
Wolfen Jaeger March 13, 2014 at 1:07 PM

But Spacemarines are transhumans already! From what I remember
from the novels their training mostly involved major heavy
benchpresses, sparring matches with fellow Spacemarines, gladatorial
matches against the robo-undead Servitors, and super long range
"ground eating" high speed runs.
Dreadnought March 13, 2014 at 3:15 PM

It would be heavily dependend on the Legion/Chapter/Whatever.
Legions who like to focus ranged combat wouldn't focus their training
around developing limit strength. Legions who like to get choppy
choppy and collect heads for the Blood God (World Eaters) would need
a shit-ton of upper body strength, specially to butcher other Space
Marines.
Also Blood for the Blood God.
Wolfen Jaeger March 14, 2014 at 10:00 PM

Remember that training includes things for when the shit hits the fan,
like when a real life sniper trains in hand to hand.
It's odd that we hit on the idea of sport speci c training, despite talking
about a science- ction fantasy war game...
For Russ and the All-Father!
Reply
Anonymous March 13, 2014 at 9:41 AM

Jamie,
15 minutes of sledgehammer slams is straight through or sets with rest? What is a

good progression to go for if you can't do 15 straight (besides nding my sack)?
Reply
Replies

I'd be the same as with the pullups. I'd likely start with ten slams with
each hand, then take a break to sip some water and repeat. Over time,
I'd increase each burst.
Reply
DRu9 March 13, 2014 at 12:30 PM

I am gravely disappointed. Again you have made me unleash my dogs of war. Now
you tell me you will go to a mall then nd this magical brick warehouse to hole up
in. What a puny plan! I'm actually embarassed by how much time I think about
these scenarios. The phalanx training is awesome, don't know why they didn't
think of it in the prison in Walking Dead they had them at their disposal, but are
these riot shields e ective when interlocked in phalanx? I guess its worth the risk.
Also, is its 28 Days Later style, those fvckers have the rage virus in 'em, who knows
if their bite could or could not get through leathers?
Reply
DRu9 March 13, 2014 at 12:33 PM

Heres something I don't get w/r/t slaying zombies -- what do you actually have to
do to their head? Is a concussive strike good enough? Do you just have to crack the
skull? What damage needs to be done to stop these things cold?
Reply
Chrismagic March 14, 2014 at 12:14 AM

I'm surprised your cardio is so bad, with all the 30 second rest between heavy
singles and whatnot.
When I started doing CNP my GPP went through the roof. Pickup games, random
times needed to run somewhere, hiking, sex, all seem to have improved.
Reply
Erik March 14, 2014 at 11:22 AM

Had a thought regarding training with a full pack OR weighted body armor. Below
the waist, the strength bene ts are pretty much the same, but distributing the
weight (as in body armor) would de nitely provide better training to all those
accessory muscles/connective tissues that simply carrying a heavy pack would not.
Weighting the wrists, putting a heavy helmet on, etc. A good pack should transfer
most of its weight to your hips, and so provide none of those bene ts. Below the
waist, adding some weight to the ankles is probably also a good idea. If you've got
one pair of boots, and you're traveling in mixed terrain, well, a little extra training
of the muscles that you use to lift your feet could well make a di erence if your
thick leather boots get soaked and heavy when you're already tired.
Reply
Jacque Nunya March 14, 2014 at 12:43 PM

Kung-Fu might not be the best way to train hand-to-hand combat (since most
styles include no ground game), but you sure do learn how to handle a large
variety of melee weapons with precision. Learning how to make and use bolas and
bows would be wise. Obviously guns and ammo are readily available in the US, and
silencers are easy to make so as not to attract more zombies. Yes I am former
military. I don't even train or eat CnP most of the time (I love Bryce Lane style
EDT) except for the fact that I train daily (4 EDT, 2 easier whatever I feel like,
Sunday walk with GASP! yoga and martial arts training mixed in as well as
strenuous farm work), and my diet is similar. I just love this blog. I'm not really that
strong yet to be honest, but I can work most men into the dirt. Other improvised
zombie weapons: re and explosives, spray paint. Spray paint you ask? Spray some
in your eyes then ask me again. My zombie survival strategy involves being a
redneck farmer far away from all the sheeple that will turn into zombies in the
rst place. Build your own home, hunt and grow your own food, produce your own
power, train, be ready, and little in the news will bother you. I sincerely hope that
most of the cities, and the people who choose to live in them catch some sort of
horrible virus that either makes them grow more intelligent, sterilizes them, or
just makes them bleed out.
Reply

Oh, and the phalanx and motorcycle leathers were a great idea (you don't have to
buy the goofy looking ones either-they make "biker" leathers ala Mad Max). Melee
weapons are much more e ective for killing hordes of zombies at close range
than rearms would be (Mythbusters). You don't HAVE to use a spear in a phalanx
either. You could easily make pole-arms out of broom handles, hammers, cordage,
and duct tape. Bludgeoning and brute force trauma always appealed to me more
than stabbing things-especially zombies.
Reply

Hey Jamie! Make a pro-hormone that actually works. I'll buy it. Of course they'll
take it o the market ve minutes later, but if I have my own pallet full that would
be ok. I would ask you to make a multi, but liver and heart work just ne. Don't like
liver? Cut it up into tiny pieces, shove it into capsules, freeze it for a couple of
weeks, then you have your own liver pills you can actually digest. You're welcome.
Reply
Replies

We'e examining the pro-hormone option. In the meantime, Xcel makes
some good stu . As for the multi, we'll de nitely be making one in the
future.
Reply
KC March 16, 2014 at 3:44 PM

Hey Jamie - you're in HD (at about 03:05): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-
6JAAMrmeU
Reply
Carl D.W. March 20, 2014 at 9:46 AM

Do you still prefer weighted crunches on the old man ab machine and ab wheel for
abs or have you come up with other wacky shit?
I've been doing your one pull high pulls as of late and they lead to awesome trap
cramps. I've also had a few ex-Oly lifters come up and tell me I'm doing them
wrong, I think I'll refer them to your blog from now on.
Reply
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The Author is an Asshole (but a strong and lean asshole).
Jamie Lewis
Wayne Banks
If You Plagiarize, I'll Fucking Kill You
I spend a lot of time researching and writing this shit, so if you're going to use it, at least source it.
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Chaos and Pain - Training For The Apocalypse, Part #1 - Better To Die Slow or Go Zombie

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Save some loot while you're building

END SCENARIO- Hang In There

You don't have to be jacked to thrive in the apocalypse, apparently.

I would prefer to do partner assisted cardio with this broad.

The Mad Max Says Fuck Yo' Couch Program

Looking stupid is far less a concern to me than surviving, obviously.

Strengths This Would Require:

The Fearless Zombie Slaughtering Phalanx Program

It might prep you for skating away from rapists in prison...

Our Facebook page is this awesome.

I think that survival is going to come down to three main factors.

In terms of a training program we’re looking at something like this

Posted by Jamie Lewis at 3:33 PM

Matthew Butler March 12, 2014 at 4:33 PM

Max March 12, 2014 at 4:55 PM

ChAoS and PAIN March 13, 2014 at 11:29 AM

Bogdan Chaban March 12, 2014 at 6:04 PM

Bogdan Chaban March 12, 2014 at 6:07 PM

ChAoS and PAIN March 13, 2014 at 11:30 AM

DRu9 March 13, 2014 at 12:26 PM

GiantGorilla March 12, 2014 at 6:14 PM

GiantGorilla March 12, 2014 at 6:17 PM

Julius Daquilanea March 12, 2014 at 7:29 PM

ghjklbny March 12, 2014 at 7:44 PM

ChAoS and PAIN March 13, 2014 at 11:35 AM

Ajax March 12, 2014 at 10:44 PM

ChAoS and PAIN March 13, 2014 at 11:34 AM

Dreadnought March 13, 2014 at 6:55 AM

ChAoS and PAIN March 13, 2014 at 11:31 AM

Wolfen Jaeger March 13, 2014 at 1:07 PM

Dreadnought March 13, 2014 at 3:15 PM

Also Blood for the Blood God.

Wolfen Jaeger March 14, 2014 at 10:00 PM

For Russ and the All-Father!

Anonymous March 13, 2014 at 9:41 AM

15 minutes of sledgehammer slams is straight through or sets with rest? What is a

ChAoS and PAIN March 13, 2014 at 11:32 AM

DRu9 March 13, 2014 at 12:30 PM

DRu9 March 13, 2014 at 12:33 PM

Chrismagic March 14, 2014 at 12:14 AM

Erik March 14, 2014 at 11:22 AM

Jacque Nunya March 14, 2014 at 12:43 PM

Jacque Nunya March 14, 2014 at 12:53 PM

Jacque Nunya March 14, 2014 at 12:57 PM

ChAoS and PAIN March 16, 2014 at 11:47 AM

KC March 16, 2014 at 3:44 PM

Carl D.W. March 20, 2014 at 9:46 AM

Blogger June 3, 2017 at 9:55 AM

Blogger June 11, 2017 at 11:25 AM

Blogger October 19, 2017 at 1:17 AM

Blogger October 19, 2017 at 2:24 AM

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Blogger October 19, 2017 at 8:05 AM

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