Song, You Kyoung January 30, 2020

The Ocean of Thoughts

Senior year of high school was the most dreaded time in my life. It was the year where

everyone went their separate paths to get closer to their dreams. Most pursued their education in

universities in Manila, some stayed in the smaller colleges of my province, Iloilo, and a few

decided to venture farther abroad. Senior year to me meant leaving everything and everyone I

knew and jumping into the terrifying ocean of uncertainty. It felt like I had to enter the never-

ending, mysterious, and dark depth of the ocean, without knowing where life would take me.

Conveniently, I never had to worry about that. Before I could even form opinions, my

parents had already planned out my life. They had packed everything I needed to sail the vast sea

of adulthood and far future. The boat they had prepared for me, however, was autopiloted to take

me back to South Korea, where they wanted my future to be.

As planned, I went along; like a dead fish that flowed with the current. I began my journey

all alone, away from my family and friends. The waters were rough and rigid, enough to trigger

my deepest fear of drowning in the uncertainty of the dark sea. Unexpectedly, the closer I got to

where my parents wanted me to be, the waves became horrifyingly larger, as if it were my mind

telling me that I never wanted to go where I was autopiloted to. Eventually, after struggling for so

long, I was engulfed in the waves of my own doubts and began to drown. I was defeated in my

own internal battle of thoughts. In the deep, dark waters of the sea, I was lost. I did not know where

to go, how to swim, nor how to tell my parents I could not make it to where they wanted me to be.

At that point, I had reached a suffocating slump in my life – the deepest trench of the ocean.
 Feeling hopeless, I prayed hard not for salvation, but for a redirection. This was when I

gathered all my remaining energy to find the courage to finally tell my parents that I did not want

to be the dead fish that followed the current, which was their planned path for me.

In a voice as calm as the lake, my parents forfeited as if they had already known. At last, I

was free to go where I wanted, alongside the newly packed goods that my loving parents prepared,

and a boat set to go to where I wanted to go – to the clearest blue waters of Ateneo. Indeed, I was

afraid to sail again, but this time, the waves were not so rough. The skies were bright, and the

current was with me, as if I had garnered the support of my parents which soothed my troubled

mind and sea.